[ { "id": "episode_01_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Kids, breakfast! Kids? Phil, would you get them?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, just a sec." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Kids! Phil : That is so,.. Claire : Okay..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kids, get down here!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why are you guys yelling at us, when we're way upstairs, just text me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alright, That's not gonna happen, and, wow, you're not" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What's Wrong with it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter... about her skirt?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry? Oh yeah, that looks really cute sweetheart!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thanks!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it's way to short, people know you're a girl, you don't need to prove it to them." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Luke got his head stuck in the banister again." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got it. Where's the baby oil?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's on our bedside tip... I Don't know, find it. Come on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I... was out of control growing up, there, you know, i said it. I...I, I just don't want my kids to make the same bad mistakes i made. If Haley never would exhibit on a beach in Florida, half naked... I've done my job." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Our job." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right... I've done our job." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Bravo Manny! Kick it! Kick it! Manny go! No! That was a penalty!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, there Owen's six, Let's take it down a notch." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're, very different. He's from the city. He has big business. I come from a small village, very poor, but very very beautiful. It's the number one village in North-Columbia for all the... what's the word?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Murders." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, the murders." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, stop him! Stop him!" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "Dammit, manny!" }, { "from": "Mom", "value": "Come on, coach! You've gotta take that kid out!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You wanna take him out? How about I take you out!?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, honey..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why don't you worry about your son! He's spend the first half with his hands in his pants!" }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "I've wanted to tell her that for the last six weeks... I'm Josh," }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hi, I'm Gloria Pritchett... Manny's mother." }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "Oh, this must be your dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Her dad? Uh, no, no, that's funny. Actually no, I'm her husband! Don't be fooled by the... Give me a second here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Who's the good girl? Who's that?" }, { "from": "Old lady", "value": "Oh, She's adorable!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, thank you!" }, { "from": "Old lady", "value": "Hey precious..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hello. Hi, hi. We've just adopted her from Vietnam and we're bringing her home for the first time." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "She's an angel. You and you're wife must be thrilled! Cameron : Sorry, sorry, sorry, Daddy needed snacks. Hi! So, what are we talking about?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We have been together for... five, five years now? And we've decided we really wanted to have a baby... so, we initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Then we figured, they are already mean enough. Can" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You saw that right? Everybody fondling up to Lillian, then you walk on... and suddenly it's all \"Huu...\". I'm gonna give a speech." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You are not giving a speech ... you gonna stuck with" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're right, it's okay, I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Honey, look at that baby with those cream puffs. Mitchell : Okay, excuse me. Excuse me, but this baby would have grown up in a crowded orphanage if it wasn't for us cream puffs ... and you know what, to all of you who judge, hear this, love knows no race..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "... creed or gender and shame on you! You small minded, ignorant fe..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell!!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She's got the cream puffs." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We would like to pay for everyone's headsets." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buddy, why do you keep getting stuck like this?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I thought I could get out this time." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm just gonna say it... he needs to be checked by a specialist." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There! Be free, Excalibur!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm having a friend over today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You don't know him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Him... Him?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, a boy! You gonna kiss him?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Shut up!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Easy. Easy." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You don't even..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, Alex, why don't you take it outside, okay?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And do what?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fighting a son, it would be a nice change. I'm kidding!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley! Who's the boy?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "His name is Dylan ... You know, I might as well just tell him not to come, because you guys are just going to embarrass me again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey! Hang on a second, you're fifteen, it's the first time" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm better go charge the camcorder. I'm kidding! Come on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "MOM! DAD!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened? Alex : Luke just shot me! Luke : I didn't mean to! Claire : Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, the little bitch shot me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Language!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "They're only plastic bb's! It was an accident!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What did I tell you what happened if you got him a gun? Deal with this!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buddy... Uncool." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's it? No, no, no, the agreement was that, if he shoots someone ... you shoot him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We were serious about that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, we were and now you have to follow through." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm so sorry!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Liar. Go!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But he's got a birthday party." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's more important here dad?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You can shoot him afterwards, he'll be home at two." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can't shoot him at two, showing a house at two." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What about three?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, he's at a soccer game at three, and then... Oh, we gotta leave for that dinner thing in five. 4 : 15, you can shoot him at 4 : 15." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I guess that works for me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"Shoot Luke\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry dude, it's on the calendar" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, come on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm quitting soccer, it is a game for children." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, you're not quitting. You would have stopped that goal if you weren't staring at that little girl." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She is not a girl, She is a woman." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know Gloria, that blowup with that other mom, why do you have to do things like that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If someone says something about my family, I'm going" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just ... saying you could take it down here a little bit, that's all." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well yeah, coz' that's when you live down here ... but I" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You don't have to be so emotional all the time, that's all I'm saying! Manny, you're with me on this, right?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I wanna tell Brenda Feldman I love her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, for God's sake." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Honey, she's 16." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, it's okay for you to take an older lover?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey! Watch it!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I want to go to the mall where she works. But first we need to get my white shirt, the silk one." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, if that's what you really want to do." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Seriously, not to be the evil stepdad, but if you put on a puffy white shirt and declare your love for a 16 year old, you're gonna be swinging from the flagpole in your puffy white underpants!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Stop the car!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where are you going? You see? You hurt his feelings." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, if it toughens him up a little bit, then ... oh, jeez, he's picking flowers!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny is very passionate, just like his father. My first husband is very handsome but, too crazy. It seemed like all what we did was, fight and make love, fight and make love, fight and make love. One time, I'm not kidding you, we fell out the window together." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Which one were you doing? I'm hearing this for the first time!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This doesn't worry you? She barely slept in the plane, and she's still wide awake." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, stop worrying!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But Cam, That orphanage, it was all women. Maybe she can't fall asleep unless she feels a woman's shape." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I guess that's possible." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby... which has been very difficult. But, apparently you're body does a nesting, very maternal, primal... thing, were it retains nutrients. Some sort of molecular physiology thing. But that's science, you can't, you can't fight it, so..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm not saying anything." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're saying everything." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Count to three, one, t..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Three!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Oh Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh My God, do you love it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, I... What the hell is that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I had Andre do it when we we're gone." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Is that us? With wings?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're floating above her, always there to protect her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, that's reassuring, right Lily? Yeah, we tore you away from everything you know but don't worry, things are normal here. You're fathers are floating fairies! Can you call Andre? Have him paint something a little less... gay? By the way, We need to stop having friends with names like Andre." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Redheaded dad is angry daddy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No I'm not." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, you are. Even Pepper pointed it out on the way home from the airport." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, that's another one, Pepper!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, what's up?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Alright, look... I ... I never told my family we were adopting a baby." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You do?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ya, And I don't blame you, I know your family. You tell them, they say something judgmentally." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Exactly!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You get mad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know, and what's supposed to be nothing, but joyful suddenly turns into this huge fight." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And who wants a big emotional scene like that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you, I'm so relieved you understand." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I invited them over for dinner tonight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I had to! This would have gone on forever. You're an avoider." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no! Cam, I'm calling them now, I'm canceling. Cameron : No, you're not! You're telling your family you've adopted a baby, tonight. And you do have avoiding issues! Even Angelo said so." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you really not hearing these things?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": ": I'm Haley's mother." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, come on, let's go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hang on one second. Dylan... You're still in High School?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah, I’m a Senior." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, sweetie, honey. He is Dylan and he is a Senior." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let me meet this playa. Phil Dunphy, jo!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Jo." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, I've seen two guys" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait You two ... two keep it real? You know what I mean, son?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Not really." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Please stop." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's cool! Oh, God, That's my back!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetheart." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, oh, I slipped in the baby oil." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know about this, shall I call a doctor?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no. You're very strong homs'" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, nice, nice soft landing. Okay, I am on my side though, so flip me right back and we're good. We'll be good. Just need to get flipped right on my back, and we should be fine, so." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Brenda Feldman." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A poem I’ve written for Brenda Feldman." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course that is." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I put my thoughts into words, and now my words into action!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ey, I give you 50 bucks not to do this." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm eleven years old, what am I gonna do with money?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you gonna do with a sixteen year old?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's like a bullfight!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ever seen a bullfight? I can't watch this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're in such a bad mood. And I know why, It's because that man thought you were my father." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "When you say no like that, it's always yes. Come on, we're in the mall, let's get you like some younger clothes ... there's a store there that I know..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't need any younger clothes! And I don't care what some" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Good, you shouldn't. You should only care what I think. I love you, and I don't care how old you are. So stop being an gloomygoos, and stop being so hard on Manny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The only reason I'm hard on Manny is just because I don't" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look, I don't know what's gonna happen to him over" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Something my mom always says, it's gorgeous in Spanish. Look, he's there." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She has a boyfriend." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "OHH, I'm sorry, mi nino." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I gave her my heart. She gave me a picture of me as an old time sheriff. That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No mi amore, It was brave, right Jay? Brave." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I.. b... you'll know better next time. Come on! Let's get a pretzel." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Alex, get out! MOM!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, leave your sister alone!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I was just getting my book, gosh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know sweetie, but you need to respect her privacy. What are they doing up there?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Nothing, lying in her bed, watching a movie." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay... Okay... I'm making a cake for tonight, you wanna help me with the frosting?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Sure. So, you know if Haley got pregnant, would you ever" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That senior at school was out sick for like four months, but Terna Wristniks says she was out breastfeeding in a cleanup carwash." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buddy, what are you wearing?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No jacket, one hat. How many pairs of underwear do you have on?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "One ... Six." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "First of all, it would be really cool to see Haley that fat, and how awesome would it be to have a fake little brother who's really my nephew." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley is not getting pregnant!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm just saying if." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know, and I know you like to make trouble for your sister but it's not gonna work this time. You know why? 'Cause your sister is a good girl. I know, I was just like her when I was..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "You're to close, it's gonna hurt." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's supposed to hurt!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And why are you smiling?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm... What? Oh, forget it. I can't do this. The point is, you're scared. I think you've learned your lesson." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Awww!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom?! What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, I was just dropping off some laundry, This is a bad time?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, okay." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Can you shut the door please?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Actually we're just gonna go ahead and leave that open." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because I have seen this little show before : Lying on the bed with a tall, senior. one minute you're just friends, watching Falcon Crest, and the next you're lying underneath the air-hockey table with your bra un-pocket!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "You hit my bone!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It was an accident!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I thought we were friends!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am your friend!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad?! Dad, you have got to talk to mom, she is like completely freaking out and embarrassing me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, honey, you're mom isn't always as cool about things as" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "My dad, ehm, my dad isn't completely comfortable with this, ehm, he still does this thing. It's been five years now. And he still does this thing where he announces himself before walking into any room were in. Just to make sure he doesn't have to ever see us kiss." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wish my mother had that system. Remember?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I still can't believe you did this to me!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Would you get in the spirit of things! It's a celebration!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh God." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, I'm gonna go get Lily ready, and I want you to just come straight out with it," }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Alright." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You can do this! Sportsguy-chest-bump," }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sportsguy-chest-bump!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam. Do it, GO!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Heey, how are you? Hi guys! Well thank you, thanks. Claire : Oh Don't thank us open it, dad is coming right behind. Jay : Knock, knock, we're here! Coming in!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't worry dad, nothing gay going on here. May I take you're multicolored coat and you're bejeweled cap?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey Jay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Gloria, hi! How are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hi Gloria, how are you? What a beautiful dress!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Thank you, Phil! Oh, Okay. Claire : Phil! She said Phil, not feel! Jay : So how was you're trip?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was good, it was good actually but...about that I have something that I need to tell you guys. We didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We, kinda have some big news." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, God, if Cam comes out here with boobs, I'm leaving!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I hope he didn't embarrass you, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't mind her, Haley had her first boy over today, and Phil shot him." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Anyway, so about a year ago. Cam and I sort of feeling" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Woooh, that's a bad idea." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What do you mean, bad idea?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, kids need a mother! I mean, if you two guys are bored, get a dog!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're not bored, dad!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I support you Mitchell, and though you're not my son Claire : I, I think what dad is trying to say is that, Mitchell you're a little uptight, kids bring chaos and you don't handle well." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, That's not what dad is saying . That's what you're" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, people, let's all chillax!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey! Where's uncle Cameron?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Finally, thank you, someone who's not insulting me, notices he's not here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh! So, that's the big announcement. You two broke up. Well" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, no! Stop, stop! You come into my house and you" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Exciting!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just turn it off." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can't turn it off, it's who I am!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The music!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes, the music. Come, say hello Lily." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, she's so cute!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let me see her. Hi Lily. Lily? Isn't that gonna be hard for her to say? No?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Excuse me... Okay, I, I know that I said I thought this was a" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I wrote a song about it in the car." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course you did. Anyway, I'm happy for you! And you should know that... I'm not here to spit in your face, I'm here to" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, dad, it's... I got it, I got it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She want's her daddy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you wanna meet grandpa?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're kidding? She's one of us now, Let me see that little pot sticker! Hey, you're a cutie, aren't you!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "We're from different worlds. Yet we somehow fit together. Love is what's binds us. Through fair, or stormy weather. I stand before you now with only one agenda To let you know my heart is yours. Feldman, coma, Brenda I mean seriously!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, so far, he hasn't beaten me at basketball." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's the key to being a great dad?\"That's a tough one. Cameron: Giving them the freedom to be whatever they want to be." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Exactly, and..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Whether that's a painter, a poet,a pilot, a president..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And for us, what we're gonna..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Patience." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, be their buddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's your answer?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And stay in school.And don't do drugs. Just give me the answer." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Still thinking." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is my husband, Phil.And that's my son, Luke,right there.This is..." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "Desiree." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Desiree, right. Sorry. Desiree just moved in down the block." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fun. Where?" }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "314." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The two-bedroom cottage with the indoor/outdoor family room." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "Very good. How did you..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bet you're loving that steam shower." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's creepy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, sorry. I'm a real-estate mogul. What?! No, I am a real- estate agent. We caravanned that house.Great deck." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "Thanks. I'm just there till my divorce is final." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now, who is conuts enough to divorce you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We got to go, but we'll see you around." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We'll have to have you over sometime." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "I'd love it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's awesome." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "We are never having her over.I heard she already slept with two dads from the school." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? That's... horrible." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad! Watch out. Phil: Watch it, buddy. Luke: Grandma." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry. That still looks like a girl's bike." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We'll add more black tape." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My son has been riding his sister's old bike." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Until he's responsible enough to take care of his own bike.He spilled a soda on my computer.He ruined our digital camera taking pictures of himself underwater." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's a girl's bike. I'm all for teaching him a lesson,but I worry" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nice bike, Sally." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He looks like Little Bo Peep." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Actually, not for long.He's getting a new bike this afternoon" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I am?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He is ?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sometimes a man's gotta put his foot down and do what a man's gotta do.And if the old lady don't like it... Honey?... that's too damn bad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes! Who's excited, huh? Cam, hurry up. We're gonna be" }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "It's a toddler play class, not a flight to Cabo." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're gonna be judged as the only gay parents. I don't want to be late, too.Paisley and pink. Was there something wrong with the fishnet tank top?" }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "Obviously not. I'm wearing it underneath. Kidding." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just chill, please. I'm sorry. I just want to make a good first impression." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "You mean you want to fit in and not terrify the villagers?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Today is about Lily, all right? Her future best friend might be in that class, and I don't want to rub anyone the wrong way.Can you please just... change your shirt?" }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "Fine. You know what? I'll just go put on a pair of khakis, a" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I called that place in Napa and got us upgraded to a villa with" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I usually wear nothing when I'm in a hot tub." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And my college roommate's wife just had to get a new hip. Sucker." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny's father is taking him for a couple of days to" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We would do something like this a lot more often if it wasn't" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's good.He keeps us grounded." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Like fog at airport." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Limo gets here at 4:00. I thought I'd go to the club, hit a few balls." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What about the fan in Manny's room?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Call a guy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No! You're supposed to do it with him. It's important that we teach him how to do things for himself. In my culture, men take great pride in doing physical labor." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's why I hire people from your culture." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're too funny! I'll share that one with my next husband when we're spending all your money." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, this is the coolest bike ever." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Awesome. So, listen, buddy. Certains members of this family don't think you can take care of this bad boy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You mean mom?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Your words, not mine.Look, your mom and I are a team, and she... we feel like this is a chance for you to show some responsibility. Don't make us look like jerks here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I won't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "One more rule." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Have, like, three buttloads of fun." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks, Dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, let's do this." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, but I need to be done by 3:00.That's when my dad's picking me up." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "If we're not done by 3:00, I'm gonna tie a noose on this thing. Gloria: In Colombia, there's a saying.If you have two stubborn burros that don't like each other, you tie them to the same cart.The ceiling fan is the cart." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "My dad's taking me on Space Mountain.It's supposed to be really fast, but he's not scared of anything.He doesn't even wear a seat belt when he drives." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How about that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "He killed a bear once." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Was the bear in the passenger seat? Read me the instructions." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "\"Safety tips. Warning. To avoid electrical shock...\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We can skip that." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "\"Failure to heed these warnings can lead to serious injury or death...\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You worry too much. You know that. Nobody's gonna get" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "One time, my dad was struck by lightning. That's why he can drink as much as he wants." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny thinks his dad is like Superman. The truth? He's a" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm so nervous." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "They're gonna love us.Let's just be ourselves." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Or a slightly toned-down version of ourselves. I just don't want this to become an episode of \"The Cam Show.\"" }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "People love \"The Cam Show.\" You do." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, I do watch it." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "It's appointment viewing." }, { "from": "The teacher", "value": "Hi! Are you here for toddler time?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, I'm Mitchell, this is Cameron,and this here is Lily. The teacher: Welcome. We're all over here taking turns blowing bubbles." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "Well, how nice for...the babies. This is gonna be really" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "10 minutes after making a promise to me, he leaves his bike unlocked. All I can hear is Claire's voice in my head. \"He's not responsible. You never should have given him a bike.\" I know. I do a pretty good Claire. So I decided to teach him a lesson and let him think his bike was stolen. I know that sounds kind of rough, but sometimes it's a dad's job to be the tough guy. Excuse me. Thank you. On your left.My left, your right." }, { "from": "The teacher", "value": "Everyone, we have a new family join us today." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm Mitchell, and I am a lawyer." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm Cameron, and I'm currently not working, which gives me more time to grill and shoot baskets,and..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And this is Lily." }, { "from": "The teacher", "value": "We're gonna start with the hello dance, and then we're gonna move on to blocks and finger painting, and then we're gonna do our family dance. All right, who wants to start us off? Dance us in, P.J.!" }, { "from": "Tyler's mother", "value": "She's adorable." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, thank you. Tyler's mother: 7 months? Mitchell: 8." }, { "from": "Tyler's mother", "value": "Is she grabbing or scooting yet?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, absolutely. I mean, when she's not grabbing, she is scootin'." }, { "from": "The teacher", "value": "Dance us in, Tyler!" }, { "from": "Tyler's mother", "value": "Are you ready? Okay, here we go! Mitchell: Cam, Lily is not grabbing or scooting yet. Cam: Well, she's not doing it yet, but she will eventually." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, a lot of these other kids,they're... they're grabbing. Here, Lily, look at the block. Grab the block, Lily. Grab the \"H.\" The teacher:Dance us in, Lily!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cam", "value": "I got this.Yes, I know. Tamp down my natural gifts and dance like a straight guy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No slapping your own butt. Cam: But that's how I make my horsey go. The teacher: Thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That was very good." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "I feel dirty." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "This is really embarrassing, but I locked myself out of my house." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I do it all the time.Don't be embarrassed." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "I was hoping you could help me. There's a window open, but I can't reach it. Would you mind?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sure. Of course. You know what they say. Every time God" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Am I attracted to her? Yes. Would I ever act on it? No. No" }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "Are you sure I can't get you something to drink?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm fine, really." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "If I knew a man was gonna climb into my bedroom window, I'd have cleaned up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you kidding me? It smelled great in there,like lotions and" }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "Yeah, it's a candle.What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The bike's gone." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "Can I help you find it? Phil: That's all right. Thank you. Desiree: Thank you!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, to teach him a lesson, I took his bike, and then... crazy thing... I put it down for one minute, and someone swiped it from me." }, { "from": "The trader", "value": "Maybe that was your dad teaching you a lesson. Phil: Zinger! So, any chance I could get a break on this one? The trader: I can throw in a bell." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Deal." }, { "from": "The trader", "value": "For $5." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, sir." }, { "from": "The trader", "value": "So, you want to go for the insurance this time, or is it still for suckers?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Got me again. Well played, milord. I will take some" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's going on in there?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's not step 4." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't worry about it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, it says right here that..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's worrying about it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I thought you guys might need a drink." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You have no idea." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, mi amor, I have to go get some stuff for our trip. Ay, but have some fun with your father, okay? And I'll see you Monday.Makes me so happy to see my two boys working together." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay shocked himself twice." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, I warned him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yep, he's been a big help." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look at you two with your private jokes already. You're a regular Salazar and El Oso." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's a very big comedy team in Colombia. El Oso is always" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"You blew it. You made me look bad.\" No, \"you made your" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, Dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, buddy.That was pretty fun today, huh, gettin' a new bike?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, it was awesome." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, what happened after I took off? Anything you want to share with me?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Not really." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "So if I went out to the garage to take a picture for the scrapbook,there'd be no surprises?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm so sorry.I didn't mean it. I just made a mistake." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, a big mistake! You're making me look really bad here.I told mom you were ready for this." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's just a scratch." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's not the point, Luke... What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I scratched it on my way into the driveway. I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So... it's not stolen?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No. Why?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's good, 'cause...There are bad people out there who would steal a bike. Thieves.You think about the scratch part.That's not good, either.Gonna fix that step. Don't scratch anything while I'm gone. Unless it itches, that's different." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The good news is, Luke has his bike. More good news...I" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, son of a...You gave me the wrong screwdriver." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe you're just using it wrong. My dad's great with tools. He can get the wheels off a car in a minute." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just get me to wine country. Just get me to wine...Sorry." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I think my arm is broken." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Relax. It's not broken." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "How do you know? You don't know anything! You have no concern for safety." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because it didn't hit you that hard." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why don't you just say it? You don't want me around." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what? Right now, I don't." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't want to be with you, either. I'm gonna go wait for my dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "But if you leave,how will I ever finish?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "You know what? I wish you never married my mom.I hate living here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You think I like this arrangement? I got a two-seater parked in" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't understand.Why do you sneak around and hide things from me? I actually think it's funny." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I do, yes.I mean, you steal a bike from some poor kid and then the bike gets stolen from you.That's hilarious." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Classic me, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, where were you when it got stolen?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I was getting some gas." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't stand near the car when you get gas?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I went inside to get a soda because I was thirsty, and if I had a soda I wouldn't be thirsty anymore, so I bought one, and then I drank it there, which is why I don't have the can." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, please, let's try to remember that I'm your wife, not" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You get back here, you! Claire: What are you doing, Phil? Phil: I just love you so darn much!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I love you, too, but that hurts. Phil: Let's get you inside. It is a hot one. Claire: I know. That's hurting a lot." }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "Hi, again. I found your bike." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, good! You...At the gas station?" }, { "from": "Desiree", "value": "No, at my house. My neighbor put it in my garage when you were in my bedroom, so..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Classic me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Come on, honey, grab the block. See, like he did. You got to do that. You got to grab it like him." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "You seen any movies lately?" }, { "from": "Tyler's mother", "value": "You know, my husband and I just rented \"Mamma Mia,\",which I liked, but... I don't know that Meryl Streep was the right choice. What did you think?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cam", "value": "Excuse me... Meryl Streep could play Batman and be the right choice.She's perfection,whether she's divorcing Kramer, whether she's wearing Prada. Don't even get me started on \"Sophie's Choice.\"I get emotional thinking about it. She couldn't forgive herself." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "I guess she was okay." }, { "from": "Tyler's mother", "value": "Really? Ugh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Grab the block, sweetheart.You're not even interested in it." }, { "from": "The teacher", "value": "Is Henry stacking? Good job, Henry! Good job!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Q, R, S,T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z Not so high!" }, { "from": "The teacher", "value": "That is a big moment for her. Would you like a videotape?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know if I can actually get her to do it again, so... The teacher: Well, we tape all of our classes. We don't like parents bringing cameras. It takes them out of the moment. I'll get you a copy after class." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's super. Thank you.Cam, let's go.I don't know what's happened to me, but I just stole a baby's intellectual property." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "What? You'll see it tonight on the news. Go." }, { "from": "The teacher", "value": "Look who's here.Anton and Scott!" }, { "from": "A gay parent", "value": "Sorry we're late! Don't look at me. The eye candy here can't leave the house without spending 20 minutes in front of the mirror." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "Are you kidding me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I am so sorry." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "Look at those queens.I would have killed with this crowd, but you had to clip my wings, which you used to be the wind beneath." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. Sorry. This class has turned me into a complete" }, { "from": "The teacher", "value": "It's time for parents dance! Everybody dance for your baby!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You want to do it, don't you?" }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "I do.I want to dance for my baby." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Go on, get in there." }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "You sure? Make that horsey move.Go ahead.I think I hurt myself." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hello. Hey, Javier. Manny's waiting for you outside. What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "His son's sitting on a curb, waiting to go to Disneyland,and Superman can't drag himself away from a craps table.And I'm the jerk." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Say, listen... I, uh...Sorry, but I got some bad news." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your dad couldn't make it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why not?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The plane was full,and this old lady needed to get home,so he gave up his seat." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're making that up, aren't you? He just didn't want to" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you kidding me? He was very upset.He was dying to see you.In fact, look what he sent." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A limo?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He wanted me and your mom to take you to Disneyland." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I told you he was an awesome dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, he's a prince." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The key to being a good dad? Sometimes things work out just the way you want." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Race you to the end." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is not a good idea... for you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sometimes they don't. You got to hang in there...Because when all is said and done...90% of being a dad...Just showing up." }, { "from": "A boy", "value": "That's my bike!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't, uh... I was giving it back!" }, { "from": "Cam", "value": "She couldn't forgive herself. She had to choose. And I think because now I have... We have... we have... We have Lily,it's so hard to imagine being put in that position.If I had to choose Lily or Mitchell, I mean, I would choose Li...I don't know! I just... I don't know! I don't know!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, I though you were gonna take out the garbage." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, getting it. I was... I was gonna get it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, mrs. Dunphy. Um, I'm just waiting for haley." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Did you ring the bell?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I texted. She said she'd be down in just a minute." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, great. Tell her I said hi. Dylan : I will." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dylan! D-money! Chillin' with dylan the villain.\"d\" to the \"y\"" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, mr. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, come on in. You're just in time to catch the end of the game." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh, I'm not really a baseball guy. Haley says hi." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I-I was just being facetious." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on. I'll catch you up. Sit it. Park it. Come on, I don't bite. kidding. I'm kidding. Okay, see that guy? He's the tying run. Interesting story about him. He's been stuck on second base forever, And I'm pretty sure he's gonna try and steal third, which is just a terrible, terrible idea. How are you and Haley doing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I wish I could stay home with you and fly toy airplanes. Jay : These aren't toy airplanes, Manny. These are models, and they're very complicated. You want to fly one of these, you got to be familiar with airfoil, drag, lift, and thrust, And these are all principles of aerodynamics." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "The box says, \"12 and up.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You can fly toy planes with J ay next time. Today you have to spend time with Luke." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Because his mother invited you, so you go. Family needs to be close, right, Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm pretty sure this is a typo." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Men need their hobbies. Manny's father had many hobbies, like hiking in the desert, That kind of skiing that they drop you from the... How do you say in English? The..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Helicopter." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes. Once, on a dare, he even boxed with an alligator." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wrestle. You wrestle... you can't box with alligators." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you sure? How would they get the gloves on those lile claws? Aren't they like tiny, little hands?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No! Okay, now I forgot what we were talking about." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Anyways, hobbies are important for the men, Whether you're risking your life or flying little planes from a safe distance." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait, wait, wait, wait, what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're just gonna buy some diapers. It'll just take a second." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This is Costco." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, which is where we buy diapers." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Since when?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you remember when we adopted that baby a few months back? Since then." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell is a snob." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, n-no, I'm... I'm discerning." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Official slogan for snobs. When we first met, he wouldn't even look at me because I was a hick from the farm in missouri and he's a big city mouse." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Who says \"city mouse\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Country mice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I think I'm gonna go wait in the car." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Hey, if you're on your way out, can you grab the garbage?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I got it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, we got it. He's a little jumpy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, go figure a teenage boy doesn't want to hang out With his girlfriend's dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I thought we were past all that. I'm all about... I'm all about" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You haven't exactly taken it to the next level with my dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We've been married for 16 years, and you still walk on eggshells around him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? Are you kidding? Jay and I are total buds." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You... you want to just hang out?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Brought six friends, so that just... Let's... [OPENING CREDITS]" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny brought his favorite game to play with Luke. Manny : It's called \"empire.\" You use strategy to expand territories and take over the world." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke is gonna love that. He's out back playing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you need me to get you something while I'm out shopping?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's such a nice offer, but I think we're good. Thanks." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, what about this?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't even say hello to Gloria and Manny? Alex : Hi, Gloria and Manny. Okay, mom, what about this? Claire : No, you're wearing a dress." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, come on!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? It's gonna kill you to look like a girl for one afternoon?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "But it's a wedding for some friend of yours, that I never" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's nonnegotiable. You can borrow a dress of Haley's again." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, that sends an ugly message... That I'm Haley. You know," }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? Why does he do this? Luke! Pants! Come on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Do you have to just stand there? You're making me feel uneasy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, for god's sake, sit here. Here, hold this wing like this while I adjust this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on. Here. Not too hard." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Alex, why don't you come shopping with me? Maybe I can help you find something that you like." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's a really nice offer, but it's not really her thing." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Actually, I'd love to go. See, you don't know what my thing is. You have no idea what my thing is." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know what your thing is. Your thing is to provoke, Just" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "That'll do it. Don't touch it. All right. You want to go fly it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sure." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, hey. I got the toothpaste and the soap." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Good. Now we can open that general store. I thought we were just here to get diapers." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We had a saying on the farm... As long as you're" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We met at one of Pepper's legendary game nights. I remember Mitchell because he kept rolling his eyes Every time I would get a little boisterous." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I did not!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "A little bit." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, maybe a little bit. We were... we were playing charades, And I-I had no idea how to act out my clue, And all I could think of to do was... And without missing a beat, Cam says... Cameron : \"Casablanca.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All I did was this..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"Casablanca. Casablanca.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Can we just please get the diapers and get out of here?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Fine, but I want to stop by the wine section first." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait. There's a wine section?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, a really good one... just past the tires." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No way, they do not have... Oh, my God. Oh, my... cam. Cam. The paper shredder I wanted, huh? Confetti and crosscut..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yep." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh! Oh, my god, amazing." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam... What is this place?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Those cookies smell like heaven. Your own recipe?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I just throw them in the en." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And added the secret ingredient of caring?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sure. So, you and Luke having a good time?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know. He won't come out of his box. Maybe I'll just stay here and spend some time with my sister." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, right, I guess, technically, I would be your stepsister. Manny : My mother says we are never to use the word \"step\" because it means \"not real,\" And we are a real family." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So, what is the matter, claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You seem sad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's just stuff with Alex... you know, kid stuff." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Ugh, kids. You don't have to tell me. My school is full of them." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I was thinking, after lunch, we can go and do a little shopping." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not getting a dress." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't care. I'm not your mother." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I know. You're my grandmother." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Step-grandmother. Anyways, today, think of me as a girlfriend... Two girls out for an afternoon of fun." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What do you usually do with your girlfriends? Gloria : I don't know. We go out. We talk, drink wine. Alex : Can I drink wine?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Some friend." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, you can still talk to me about anything." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah, adults always say that, but they don't mean it. When my mom says I can ask her anything, I really can't. She just freaks out." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I won't freak out. Shoot." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay. How many men have you slept with?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now can I try it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I should get one of those. I've always loved planes. You know, if things had gone a little differently in my life, I think I would have been a pilot. Hey, what would happen if you turned the remote off And then back on real fast?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, you would have been a great pilot." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, can you do a... can you do a loop-de-loop?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "If I wanted to." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No way! Phil : Can I try it? Jay : No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. I can see why you like this. It's so peaceful. It's like the whole world just...Disappears out here. I remember this one summer..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll tell you what." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There's another trick called \"threading the needle.\" I used to do it with Claire and Mitch when they were kids. You want to try it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How does it go?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You grab one of those hoops over there And go to the far, far, far end of the field and stand there, And I fly the plane through it. Phil : Um, that sounds awesome! And then I get a chance flying it? Jay : No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. How's this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not far enough. Go on. Okay, further down." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Está bien. Más lejos." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You can't go too far." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Right, okay. I get it. I get it! How's this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good! Now stand still! Don't move!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ay! Let's do it! Whoo! Whoo! I love it! I love it! You drove the plane into my face." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You must have moved. I told you to stay still." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I didn't move!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Try not to talk. I want to make sure nothing's broken." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex and I can't just disagree. I mean, she has to turn everything into a fight." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hmm, a strong, independent woman. Sounds like" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was never hostile, thou. This... this whole thing with the dress -- Never had this problem with Haley." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe Alex doesn't want to compete with her big sister." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. Sometimes it's hard to remember you're only 10" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And three-quarters." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Hello? Olives? Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You got it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, I found the diapers. They're over here. Mitchell : Cameron, guess what I found. Coffins. They sell baby formula, and they sell coffins. You can literally buy everything you need From birth to death. Oh, my god, look at these diapers. Look how cheap they are! Oh, you know what we should do? We should get enough for like the next year or two, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Where would we keep them?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They sell sheds." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really? You want to buy a diaper shed. We're those guys now? The guys with the diaper shed?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just grab two more." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm not grabbing two more, Mitchell. It's time to go. Mitchell : No, come on, come on. We need a... Excuse me. Where did you get that flatbed thing?" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Over there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Go grab one of those." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, anyways, after charades, we went out for coffee, and I learned that he loves art, He plays the piano, he speaks french." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Un peu." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, you know, I-I misjudged him." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy, and I dare you to not like me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, and I'm kind of more like that, um... Oh. What is" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You are such a snob. \"casablanca.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I have a small flower on my ankle and a tiny, little butterfly on my... Thigh." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "How high up?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Very high." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Did you do it to look sexy?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Did you do it for a guy? Does grandpa like it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, and yes." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's gross. Mm. Let's go back to your piercings." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, no. I've answered enough of your questions. Now it's your turn to answer one." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What is it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why you don't want to wear a dress?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Because I don't want to look like Haley and her stupid friends." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I wear dresses, and I don't look like Haley." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You are Haley, just...40 years older." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "10." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "20." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Deal. Alex, why are you fighting me on this?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It doesn't matter if I dress up. I'm not pretty like Haley and you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's ridiculous! You're beautiful!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not. But that's okay. I'm the smart one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hmm, the cute busboy doesn't know that you're smart." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's been smiling at you every time he comes to the table." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "He does not!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why do you think we are the only people with bread? Look, one day, you are going to want to date a cute guy like that. When that day comes, you're gonna want to look beautiful, And then you'll wear a dress." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "So, you ever kiss another girl?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's no way to talk to your grandmother." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Was my mom hard on me growing up? Yeah, she was, but you know what? Back then, everything was Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem. They didn't understand..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola. We're back." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hello." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, how'd it go?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It was great. Did you have fun with Luke?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, not..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They had a great time. Alex, I've been thinking, and... if you don't want to wear a dress to the wedding, it's not the end of the world." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's all right. I bought one." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you see how she has to provoke me?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We'll talk about it next week." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Clear the way. Coming through. Coming through." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ow! Ow! I need to rest my face." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're fine. You'll be all right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Little accident. Nothing big." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I was in a plane crash." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We were threading the needle, and somebody moved." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I didn't. You did it on purpose." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's the painkiller talking. He's a little loopy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How bad is it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, the wing is cracked, the propeller's bent, But I can..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I mean Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I was in a plane crash." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thanks, dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I didn't ask him to be there. He insisted. He took a chance. This is what happened." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Kind of like the time you ran over his foot?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You ran over his foot?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That was an accident." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know, dad, you did it on purpose. We all saw the tire marks on the lawn." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I had just quit smoking. See, you're upsetting your husband." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Water. Claire : I'll get it. Gloria : You okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gloria. Thank god you're here. Manny : Don't worry. I'm here, too. Phil : Who's this?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wasn't my fault." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I have seen you thread the needle a million times. You never miss." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, I must be getting old." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't you just admit it? You never liked Phil. And put that down. You do not get a cookie." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I like Phil. It's just that sometimes he tries too hard, you" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, maybe he tries too hard, because you make zero effort with him. You know what? In the 16 years that we've been married, have you one time told him that you liked him?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not in those exact words, no." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, not in any words, dad. How do you think that makes me feel?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You've never told your son that you love him?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Whoa, whoa, when did we jump to \"love\"? And he's technically not my son." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah. So that means that you don't love Manny, either?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, sure I do. I mean, believe me, when I was in that park, I really wished Manny was there." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "For what? So that you could fly the plane into his head?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, thanks so much for bringing Phil home. I found one of your little flaps in his hair, so..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Actually, this is called an aileron. It controls the... Claire : Yeah, 'cause that's what matters right now. Bye, dad. Jay : Hey, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay. Ow!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What, are you made of china? Phil, I just want you to know, I'm sorry. And whether I missed or you moved..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I didn't." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Either way... I just want to say that I like you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What do you like about me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're a nice guy. You try real hard." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I do. You're a good dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I am a good dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come here. Come here, you. This feels so right." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's going on?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "There was a little accident, But Jay's telling Phil how much he loves him." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, that's nice for Phil." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's great, since he's never said anything like that to my boyfriend." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let it go." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, it's not okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mitch is right. You go in there, too, cam. Come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're kidding." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on in, Cam." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "A little hug?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Get in here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Say it, say it!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I like you, too, Cam." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What do you like about him?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, geez." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where did you get that camera? Mitchell : Only the greatest store on earth. Claire : Thanks, dad." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, picture. Get in there, too." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Get in here, Manny. Gloria : Stay still, say, \"cheese!\" Jay : Don't push it." }, { "from": "Together", "value": "Cheese!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Picture!" }, { "from": "Together", "value": "Cheese! Cheese! Queso!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How beautiful!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, boy!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Doesn't it feel like his arms could go around the world?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think I strained something." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, I’m home. Did Manny call?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, because he's fine. He's at a slumber party, not a gang fight." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I just want him to fit in. I'm gonna take a shower. Do you" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, honey, there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage. If I ever say \"no\" to that question, I want you to use it on me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Shh, shh, shh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's wrong? Why aren't they trying to hurt each other?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know, but I'm afraid to move." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You're really good at this." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What is happening, Claire?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What do you think? Cameron : Now, that is a scone. Mitchell : No butter, nonfat." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Shut up. I'm gonna go check on Lily." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Surprise!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mom!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's that?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sounds like a bird hit the window." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, god, that's a bad sign." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ow! That hurt, jerk!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow! I'm gonna kill you, stupid!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ow!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now I'm sad." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uhh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dede", "value": "Hi, honey." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi. I-I didn't know you were in town. You didn't call. Dede : Well, I couldn't wait to see your new baby. Where is she? Cameron: Mitchell, who was that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, it's my mom." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, right. 'cause the last time she was here, the refrigerator magnets rearranged themselves into a penta... Grandma!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mom...Mom, what are you doing to her legs?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Tai chi. I did it every day in Sedona. Cameron, you should try it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dede", "value": "And living in Sedona has been transformational. I get up every morning, and I go to a vortex meditation site and work with a shaman to finally understand how to live my spirituality." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yikes." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "And I've learned that the only way I can move to the next level of my awakening is if we all can somehow get past... the incident." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The incident." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, boy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I wanted a big, beautiful wedding with Jay because my ex-husband and I got married in a tiny, little office of a judge in Colombia." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, my mother wanted to go to the wedding to show" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who warned you that that was the worst idea ever?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "My mom started drinking these cocktails called \"horny Colombians\" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom, apparently, the drink was named after." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, come on, they were funny." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They kept patting my butt." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "somebody's full of herself. It's a... it's a Colombian wedding tradition, they said." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dede", "value": "To the bride and the groom, my ex. 35 years we were together, And he couldn't wait 10 minutes to run off with Charo. I'm kidding. Seriously, I knew they were perfect for each other when I saw his wallet and her boobs. Take your hands off me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mom. Mom." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, relax, Mitchell. What did you take your Claire pill? Mitchell : Okay, l-let's just... let's get a little fresh air, okay? Come on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "During my vows to my first husband, drug dealers burst in and assassinated the judge. This was way worse." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What can I say? I drive women crazy. It's too soon, I guess." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Everybody is going to be there, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't care. Your father and I are not about to let you drive two hours to go to a concert and then spend the night with a bunch of boys, especially that 17-year-old hormone you're dating. Haley : It's totally supervised." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, really? By whom? Haley : By Spencer Patine's uncle. Claire : Who's Spencer Patine?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You know Spencer... the guy with the arm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait. What kind of arm? What does that even mean?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "His uncle is uncle Tobey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, uncle Tobey. I'll be sure to include that in my amber alert." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay can I step in here? I think I can help. Haley, what your mom is worried about is you getting your heart broken when Dylan goes off to college next year." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He's not going to college." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's not what I'm even think... He's not going to college?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He's in a band, okay? They're going on tour." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, this just gets better and better." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why are you always on me about everything?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because you need to understand..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "okay, now, everybody, calm down. Let's start from the beginning. What's wrong with Spencer's arm?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom, I'm home!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hi, baby! Did you have fun at the slumber party? You must be exhausted." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, I'm not tired at all. I was the first one to fall asleep." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's on your face?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A smile from having such a good time with my friends." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. Come here. Look." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh. That's why they were laughing. I thought it was my funny take on current events." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why would they do something like that?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't worry about it. Guys pull pranks like that all the time. You just got to prank 'em back. Just got to show 'em you're willing to give as good as you get." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What do you think? Hmm, revenge... I like it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, mom, instead of scratching it down a wall, Maybe we should just try and repress it like a... like a normal family." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "I can't. I need closure. I'm about to embark on a new" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "His name is Chas, And he's asked me to come live with him in his foreign land." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow. Where?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Canada." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're moving to... to Canada?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "French Canada." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "oh. Oh, that... that's wonderful." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "It is wonderful. It just that when I think of all the awful things that I said to Gloria and Jay and you and Claire, I feel such guilt." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Give it time... and see banff." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, please." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "I just can't give myself to him sexually." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, mom. Did not see that coming." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, don't get me wrong. We satisfy each other down there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh... Yeah, don't want to..." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "That's why I need everyone's forgiveness. I need your help, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did you hear that, Mitchell? Your mom needs your" }, { "from": "help to make love to her new man, Chas. That's not weird at all. Mitchell", "value": "I... I'm just not really sure what you're asking me to do, mom." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Well, everyone's mad at me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh..." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Maybe you could pave the way so that I can apologize. Mitchell : Well, um...You know, we are actually all supposed to have Sunday dinner tonight, so maybe I could go around and ask everyone if it's okay for you to join us." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh! I knew I could count on you. Oh, my beautiful boy. I love you so much." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Boy. Things with your mom got pretty intense down there, huh? All like east coast/west coast. You feelin' me?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey... I would love to let you go to the concert. Are you kidding me? I think concerts are rad. Hello! I was a hall-raiser." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "A what?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I followed hall & oats around the country one summer. \"rich girl\" just spoke to me. I was dating this girl. Not... not dating. I guess I was following her, too, kind of." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, mom just doesn't trust me, and it's not fair." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She trusts you. It's just that weird stuff happens at concerts. Boys get urges." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ew. Dad, is there something you want?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, there is... To connect with this girl right here. Now, come on. Pretend I'm not your dad. We're just a couple of friends kickin' it in a juice bar." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What's a juice bar?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, a malt shop, whatever." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, I don't... no." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Who's dad? I'm... I'm Marcus from biology. Hey, Haley. How's it going with you and Dylan? Has he tried anything inappropriate with you...Girl?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey. No, nothing. Just talking to some dork I met in a malt" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, Mitchell. What's up?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, just... just in the hood. So, do you... do you remember how mom gave up a career to raise us?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Promising career." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mom." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Why so long?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, I know. I know, it's weird when we haven't talked for a while." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "I mean your hair. Well, if I can't tell you, who will? Mitchell : So, mom wants you to know that she's very sorry about the incident and... and she wants us to forgive her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, very nice of her to say that through you." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Do you see? The sarcasm is so hurtful... Like a whip." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So... so, anyway, mom really wants to smooth everything over with dad and Gloria, So I was thinking, would it be okay if she maybe joined us for dinner tonight?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Because it may be the last time you ever see me. Claire : Well... Okay, wait. What are you talking about? Dede : Well, I'm... I'm moving to a far and dangerous place." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Canada, but... uh, she met a man named Chas. Yeah." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "He's a logger." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Like a... like a lumberjack?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "No, he logs blood samples into a cholesterol study. Anyway, until I'm past this whole wedding debacle, I can't be intimate with him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "We do things to each other. We use our hands." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm... Oh, my lord." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, Nana." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, my little comet. Hey! Oh, look at you. You're all grown up." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hmm, tell mom that. She won't even let me go to a" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Overnight with her boyfriend. What are you laughing at?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, karma's a funny thing, that's all. Remember Ricky?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, who's Ricky?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No one." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Ricky was your mother's boyfriend, and he looked like Charles Manson. And one night, she didn't come home until 4:00 in the morning." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "4:00? Wow. Wow, mom, what were you and Ricky doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing. We were doing nothing, and he was a very sweet boy, which you might have known if you bothered to get to know him." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dylan's a sweet boy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dylan. Dylan is no Ricky. Ricky... Ricky was a poet." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dylan writes songs... awesome songs. And maybe you would know that if you \"bothered to get to know him.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dede", "value": "Ha!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, you know, first of all, I am not my mother. I don't judge people before I get a chance to know them. So you invite Dylan over to dinner tonight, And if he's as sweet and as kind as you say he is, then I have no problem considering letting you go to the concert after I do a background check on uncle tobey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thank you, thank you, thank you, mom. Okay, I'm gonna" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "That's very revealing. Claire : That's my parenting style. Dede : No, I meant your blouse. Claire : Mom." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Claire, wait." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Come...Not making this easy. Claire, come on. Stop, stop, stop. Just let her come to dinner, apologize to dad and Gloria, and she and Chas can live happily ever after. In Canada." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "In Canada." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait, why don't you make her fix this instead of you doing it, as usual?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Whoa. What's that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, you know, mom makes a mess, and there's Mitchell to clean it up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, that is so not true. If... if anything, you're the one" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow, \"mommy\"?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I didn't say it... damn it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ooh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Fine, she can come, but she's got to clear it with daddy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Daddy\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I did not say \"daddy.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You said \"daddy.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitchell, what are you doing here?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, I'm sorry to bother you. Uh, could I talk to you and Gloria for a second?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, she's out dealing with a Manny situation. He set a kid's" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I might have told him to get even with some kids, And he went all Rambo with it. Not my best parenting moment." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Not your worst." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's up?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, well, you know, mom's in town." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your mom?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No, your mom. She's back from the grave. Yes. Yes, my mom,." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My mom would be less scary." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Listen, she's a wreck about what happened at the wedding, And she wants to come to dinner tonight to apologize to everyone." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Still her little errand boy, I see." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. Why does everybody keep say... no. I... I'm just trying to piece this family back together. So you'll talk to Gloria about mom coming to dinner?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, Gloria would never go for that in a million years. She's" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What did I do?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This conversation never took place." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, that's not very nice. I drove all the way here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, you didn't. You were never here. In fact, you never even called." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I would have called, but I thought it would be better to" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen... I would love to get this thing behind us, but Gloria would never forgive me if I pulled a fast one on her. That's why you're going to pull a fast one on her, and I'm not going to like it one bit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, that's just great. No, that's great. So it's all up to me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't hear you because you're back home and I'm taking a" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "D-money. There he is. Come on in." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, how you doing?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Good. Um... Uh, hey, everybody, this is Dylan." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "He has a very gentle soul." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You got that from \"hey\"?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, Dylan, I see you brought the ax. Dylan : Yeah, yeah, I just came from practice. Sweet. Miss those days." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh, you were in a band?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Could have been, but in high school, I was really all about my magic, so..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, that's gonna be dad and Gloria." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, Mitchell, I know it's silly, but... I'm a little nervous." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. That's not silly. You should be." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. How are you? Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nice mustache." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't make fun. He may burn your house down." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, boy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Dede." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Hi, Jay. Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is she doing here?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "What does she mean, \"what is she doing here?\" Mitchell told you I'd be here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Lies!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I couldn't tell her because she wouldn't come. Gloria, my mom wants to apologize for everything." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So you just spring it on Gloria like this? Mitchell, what the hell is wrong with you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't want her apologies." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And who could blame you, honey? Which is why this is a terrible idea by you!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, Manny, let's go." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, wait, wait, Gloria. I d... I just want to tell you how sorry I am for ruining your wedding. I was struggling with being alone. Meanwhile, Jay moves on so easily. And... and not with just anyone... with a... young and smart and beautiful woman I don't expect to forgive me. If I were you, I'd want to punch me right in the mouth." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I think we've had enough revenge in this family for one" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, okay. Y-y-you see? Yeah, we're all gonna move past this. And because of me, who... who's not a mama's boy. But is a caring person with wisdom and emotional insight, So make a note, bitches." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's not a good color on you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I forgive you." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh. Wow. I am not prepared for this. I just... I wa... I want to rip your head off!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You ruined my wedding!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got Gloria! I got Gloria! I got Gloria." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stand up like a big girl. Come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, all right, all right. Stop it, stop it, stop it, the two of you!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I am so sorry about this." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "No, it's cool. It's cool." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This is ridiculous. Gloria didn't steal me, Dede, and you know it. We grew apart for years. And you left to find yourself, remember?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "I thought I could handle this. I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You don't say \"sorry\" anymore! That word means nothing in your mouth!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got Gloria." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't know what just happened." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I do. I mean, it seems pretty simple to me. You're reaching out, trying to hold on to something awesome. Um, maybe... maybe you shouldn't... Look, look, look, I'm used to this, The whole big- family thing. In my house, we don't even talk to each other. You know, it's funny, the first time I saw Haley, I knew I liked her. I mean, she's beautiful and everything, But it's... it's not just that. It's that she's got this killer confidence... You know, the kind of confidence that you get from having a family like this, that's passionate and accepting of hot foreigners and gay dudes and nutty people... You know, a family that actually loves each other." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but maybe we should let her go with him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's perfect." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Everybody, Haley says that Dylan is a musician, and he writes some great songs." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Play something, bro." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Well, I guess so, if you want me to." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We could all use a nice tune right now." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "This is actually a song I wrote for Haley. It's called \"in the moonlight.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lovely title, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Thanks." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "he's so not going." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not a chance in hell." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "C'mon, the moon is shining they doon your face…" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "…and it finally feels it's…" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "…found its place 'cause…" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "…baby, baby, I just want to do you do you…" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "…baby, you can do me do me man, I will do you do you… Cameron : …maybe that would heal you from the inside… Mitchell : …from the inside…" }, { "from": "Mitchell & Cameron", "value": "…from the inside, from the inside." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Never good at harmonizing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That was good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's go, buddy. School time. Gloria, if you want to get together with the girls later, I could just watch the football game or something." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That means he wants to watch the football game." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not talking to you. And what are you drinking coffee for, anyway?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's my culture. I'm Colombian." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh yeah? What part of Colombia are those French toaster sticks from?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm not sure about the game. The whole family is coming" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's today?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sí." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's the Ohio State game." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So? Everybody can watch." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't like watching the game with people who don't know the game. People talk." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You talk at my football games." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "For one thing, it's called soccer. Your team's scored two goals all season. I'm not taking a big risk. How much of this did you drink?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Give me a break. I have to climb a rope today." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Can I have $40 for lunch?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "$40?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I also need a book for school." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What book?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I want a dress." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, come on, we're late!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "There's a first... Inside out and backwards. At least it isn't zipped into his... There it is." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well... there's book smart, and then there's street smart." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, and then there's Luke." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's just curious, that's all. He's got this almost scientific mind with a thirst for knowledge. He's like this little Einstein. Some people ask \"why?\" Luke asks, \"why not?\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I ask \"why\" a lot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're at the 10... We're at the 5... We're at the 1... Daddy, we're scoring a touchdown!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Please don't spike our baby. Why does she look like the" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She's a referee." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do we even have to go to my dad's tonight?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Are you kidding me? We're playing Ohio State." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't like football." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Being in a relationship is pretending to enjoy your partner's interests. Do you think I really loved home pickle making?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, 'cause you did." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "For a week, until we became the weird guys who gave everybody pickles. \"Oh, thank you, Marvin, for inviting us into your lovely home. Care for a sack of pickles?\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was charming." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We were picklers. You know what? Fine. Stay home with your little jagged scissors, maybe catch up on your scrapbooking." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You loved scrapbooking!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did I, Mitchell? Did I?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't do the \"double question to prove a point\" thing. I hate it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you, Mitchell? Do you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No problem. We'll be right down. Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, honey. What's up?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The school just called. Luke got in a fight." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, geez. Is he okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, he's fine, but they want us to come down there. Where are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm showing a house." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What house?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm golfing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I bet it was that Durkas kid." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I hate that kid." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He probably jumped on Luke, and Luke just fought back. Kid's a menace." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He made fun of my hair once." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Shh, the parents are probably in there." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I slept on it funny... Like that never happened to him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on. What are you doing here? Jay : These two knuckleheads were fighting. Claire : What?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Could have been worse." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I was not ready to face Durkas today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, what happened?" }, { "from": "School director", "value": "Apparently, there was some name-calling and shoving on the playground. By the time a teacher separated them, Luke was sitting on Manny's chest." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Luke, that's not like you." }, { "from": "School director", "value": "Wait a minute. You're Luke's father?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Grandfather." }, { "from": "School director", "value": "So Manny's father is..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Javier. Crazy guy. That's where he gets his fire." }, { "from": "School director", "value": "Okay, you're..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He's our son. Jay : And my grandson. Claire : I'm his daughter." }, { "from": "School director", "value": "So, you're..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "His uncle." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Stop saying that, or I'll sit on your chest again! Claire : Oh! Wait a second. is that what this was all about? Luke : He keeps calling me his nephew." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You are!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Shut up!" }, { "from": "School director", "value": "Okay! Okay! I'm getting the sense that you're all related... somehow. It's best if you work this out at home so the boys can go back to class, okay? But we're not happy about this, boys. This is not how mature young men behave. Here's your note for Miss Passwater. I wouldn't worry. They're good kids. It's just tough when one kid's a little different." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "think We should cancel with them for the barbecue." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "If we cancel, it'll just make this a bigger deal than it is. It'll be good for Luke and Manny to spend some time. Might be good for you and Gloria, too." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's the worst thing you could do. Just sweep it under the rug." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm not a sweeper." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Trust me on this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think you two need to talk it out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't have anything to say to her. She's the one with the problem, not me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Whose side are you on?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's my daughter. You're my wife. Let's remember what's important here... There's a football game on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I just hate it when my two girls aren't getting along." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How exactly is she your girl?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I got a few things for the party. Is Lily ready to go?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, she's ready." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm just really worried about CJ Hightower, with the bad ankle. I don't know how he's gonna run his corner routes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What did my boyfriend just say?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, I heard what you said, and I thought, yes, I should try to learn more about football." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That is very mature of you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I figure if football fans can learn it, how hard can it be?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's very elitist of you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm taking baby steps here, all right? I'm actually looking forward to it. 'Cause it's not just the game. It's the bands and the drama and the... the pageantry..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't forget about the team mascots." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They wear ascots?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, \"mascots,\" with an \"m.\" That could have been very embarrassing. Okay, am I straight?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I am not sure what you are right now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hi! Hi! Hi! How you doing? Hi, beautiful." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good to see you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let me guess. Game's on?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just started." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "For you. It's nice to see you, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Two times today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil ! She means we've seen them two times today." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Everybody, the food's in there, the drinks are in there, I'll be in here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hold on, Jay. I think we should address the elephant in the" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "For God's sake. All right, both of you. Now, in this family, do" }, { "from": "we kick and punch each other, or do we love each other? Manny & Luke", "value": "Love each other." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's right. I'll be in the den." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, I brought dessert." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, thank you. I make pie, too." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You can never have too many pies, right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, wow! Everybody, take a deep breath. Let's think about getting real." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, no." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why \"Phil, no\"? What is Phil doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm just gonna say it... There's tension between you two. Bam! It's out there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm gonna kill you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I think he's right. And I think we should talk about it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's what I'm talkin' 'bout... You two talking... 'bout it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I like football. Haley hates it. Which is weird because it's all boys, and there's no reading required. Do you know that she spends at least 45 minutes every morning doing her hair? And then, sometimes, she..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let's go, Illini!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let's go, right now!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, looks like I got to watch the game with Dick Butkiss." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad! Come on, that's offensive." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He's one of the greatest linebackers to ever play at Illinois, and one of my personal heroes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And his name is \"Butkiss\"? Really, and we're just" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We got all night." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, we do." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you joining us here?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jay, you know what? He's been studying up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I got to tell you, I am a little worried about CJ Hightower, with the bad ankle. I'm wondering how he's gonna run his corner routes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hightower's out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What? Oh... then who is gonna run the corner routes?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll tell you who won't be. Billings." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's low. He's in jail." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh... wow, yeah, I didn't know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Double tight end. It's gonna be a quarterback roll- out..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They're gonna run it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No trust me, he's got the slot, and the end zone! Touchdown!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Lucky call!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They should have considered blitzing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Blitzing wouldn't have helped them. Get out of here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, gosh. Blitzing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, my interest in football ended as suddenly and dramatically as the climax of \"West Side Story.\" I'm a musical- theater fan." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Surprise!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Powerful, powerful stuff. Claire, tell us how it makes you feel." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right now, I'm feeling a lot of anger." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't tell me, tell her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Gloria, I'm really angry at Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let's respect the process." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Gloria, I don't know why you think I don't like you. Gloria : Well, sometimes when you see me, you make that face... Claire : What face?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Like this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I do not make a face like that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh my God, that is so Claire." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See? She does that with everyone. It's just her face." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's not just the face. From the beginning, I feel like Manny and I are not welcome in this family." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is so crazy!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's not so crazy. It's how I feel." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am sorry if you feel that way. I really am. Because from the moment I met you, I have tried to make you feel comfortable with us." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You think it's all in my head?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Kind... I don't know. I mean... We really love having you and Manny in our family." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really. So... you don't have to be so defensive." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I do that, don't I?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "A little. A little bit." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm feeling a hug. I was thinking group hug, but this is nice." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'd be there if I could... Oh, my God, there's hugging." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, get off the phone already." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Where did you go?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You heard him. He said, \"get out of here.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh my god, you're such a girl!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad, loo... I was coming to get a beer, anyways. Nice apology." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nice beer." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "There's our little roustabouts! You look like you patched things up pretty good, huh? We can learn so much from the children. I bet it seems kind of silly now what you were fighting about." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I made fun of his accent." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What accent?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I made fun of him for having the same thing for lunch every day." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I made fun of him because his mom used to dig coal." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "He said you were a coal digger." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I think we can move on! Gloria : Who said I was a coal digger? Luke : That's what my mom told me. Alex : What's a coal digger?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweaty, He heard it wrong. It's \"gold digger.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm gonna have to call you back." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I really do not think that I remember ever saying that. Luke : Well, you said it in the car, you said it at Christmas, you said it in the Mexican restaurant..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, Mr. \"Leaves his sweatshirts at school every day\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And it was all in my head, huh?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Listen, Gloria, it was like a year ago before... I knew you..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Nice going. Now my mom and my sister are fighting." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, she's pissed." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, she wouldn't even come out of her room." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Did you really have to call her that? A gold digger." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know what, dad? It was a year ago. And it was a natural question to ask. She's a beautiful, hot woman, and you're not exactly... You know." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not exactly what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mitchell, a little help?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, you are doing great." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "See, this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So people don't get hurt." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, yeah... until you sweep too much under the rug. Then" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Listen, Claire feels terrible. Why don't you talk to her?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why? I know what she thinks... A coal digger." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, she's saying \"gold digger.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Phil..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know she said that, but that was a long time ago, before... she knew you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Does Jay buy me nice things? Yes, of course! All beautiful" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We all know you'd be fine without underwear. I mean, we" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's about me not being accepted by my new family." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is not true. Gloria, look, you're a beautiful woman. In fact, you're probably one of those beautiful women who doesn't know it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So it's natural for Claire to wonder about you and her dad. This family is very protective of each other. I remember the first" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're not leaving, are you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, You know, there's kind of a lot of drama." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So we're torn." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let me ask you something. Your sister said that Gloria would never go for anybody who looked like me. Now, you guys basically... are like women. You look at guys. So what do you think?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're seriously asking us if you're attractive?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know I'm no Erik Estrada or anything. I'm just curious is all. So, if I was in one of your bars and... Righteous Brothers were on, would you... I don't know... Check me out?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad, you're really close to ruining gay for me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, fine, whatever..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Jay, Jay, Jay, now, listen, I think it's... I just think it's a little weird for a son to say this to his father, but, for the record... you're smoking hot." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "100%. You're totally my type, dangerous, gettable. You have a little cashola in your pocket." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Face, body, the whole..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The whole kit and caboodle, I think" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really. What, about a 7?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "9. For sure 9. But you knew that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I might have lowballed a bit. Mitchell : Hey, isn't there a game on? Jay : Touchy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Gloria? Come on, let's talk about this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I've seen her kick in a door before." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know what my husband is saying to you, or why he's covered in your underwear..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Obviously, I'm trying to seduce him for his money. Coz'" }, { "from": "Claire & Phil", "value": "No..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What? This bracelet? Claire & Phil : No..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "My new dress?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I didn't respond because... this shouldn't be... about me. It should be about you talking to you... about it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil? Honey..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, you're welcome." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know what to say except for that I am really, really sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Just tell me one thing. How do you really feel that I'm" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uhh, well...Honestly, at first, it was hard. You don't expect to wake up one morning with a new mom who looks like she fell off a mud flap. But... I'm getting used to it. The important thing is you make him happy, which you do, in so many ways. So many colors. Are we okay?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You embarrassed me in front of everyone downstairs. What? I'm supposed just to forget about it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do you want me to do? Just embarrass myself so" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go jump in the pool." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You mean \"go jump in a lake,\" right?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go jump in the pool with your clothe on. Then I know you're sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not gonna do that, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay! Then I won't forgive you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now a field goal beats us! Hey! You guys work that out?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Almost. Gloria wants me to jump in the pool." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, then. What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "If they kick... get a pass rush on them, something, a break." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "This is so awesome." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I know. Mom does not look good wet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, is this really necessary?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, it's fine. If I need to jump in this water to prove to Gloria how sorry I am, I will do it. It's fine. You're seriously not gonna stop me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why would I do that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because I am standing here. I'm showing you my willingness to... Are you happy?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yesss! I forgive you!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Then give me your hand." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's the oldest trick in the book. She's gonna pull you in there. And that's my job." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is funny, but this is also a teaching moment. Think of" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Cannonball!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh... Come on. How could he fumble that?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Center blew the snap." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I hate that. I played center and I always got blamed for a quarterback's clumsy hands." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I was a quarterback, and it was probably your fault. Cameron : It's impossible to fumble the ball when the QB has the proper hand placement." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's weird to think of a woman being sexually attracted to" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You want to hear weird? Cam said he'd pick up dad at a gay bar." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How did that come up?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm really trying to block it out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "As far as I'm concerned, mum and dad had sex two times." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Agreed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Now get your hands up there, and... like you're lifting me off the ground. Be one with me, Jay. There you go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you want to get something to eat?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I am never eating again." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just snap the damn thing." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Perfect. That one kind hurt." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, your brother's lunch is packed, you're buying your own lunch. Luke, Alex, come on. Let's go!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hurry up. Last chance for the summer handshake." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on, we're only halfway done." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I need help. I was supposed to keep a journal all summer. It's due today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow, first day of school, and you're already behind?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm dead." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, tell me how far you've gotten." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay. \"June 21st -- found a stick.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "\"June 22nd...\" That's it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's it?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It was a really cool stick." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's right. It looked like a snake." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Getting everybody out of the house in the morning can be really tough. Especially the first day of school." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "From the minute we get up at 7:00 'til we drop them off at" }, { "from": "school, It is go, go, go. Claire", "value": "I get up at 6:00. Phil : I get up at 5:00." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Seriously, I get up at 6:00." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's you? I thought we had a raccoon." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I can't believe my little boy is going into the fifth grade. He used to hold my finger with his little hand and look at me with those big eyes. Oh, mi niño pequeño, Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yep, they grow up. Come on, Manny, let's get going!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "How's my hair?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hold on. What are you wearing there? That looks like an old christmas tree skirt." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's a traditional Colombian poncho. I want my new classmates to know I'm proud of my heritage." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Sí. I think you look very handsome, lindo." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, really? Am I driving him to school, or is he gonna ride his burro?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "* you are a cutie-pie, yes, you are! you are a cutie-pie * Are you still baby-proofing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Everything we own is pointy. Why is our daughter" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She is not Donna Summer. Clearly, she's Diana ross from the RCA years. How is daddy not seeing that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I really thought you were done with this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I made no such promises." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, there are days when Lily has more costume changes than Cher." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Cher! How could I forget Cher? That's embarrassing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's embarrassing? [OPENING CREDITS]" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, you moving out?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Five more years. A little help here?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is why we suggested the violin." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "The cello is more in demand in university orchestras." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You know what's not in demand?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, what?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Girls who play in university orchestras." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here, I'll help you carry it out to the curb." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, put on some pants." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on, this covers up more than my bathing suit." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, don't remind me. Haley, honey, don't forget the driving instructor is picking you up from school." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Can't he pick me up someplace else? I don't want kids at" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley just got her learner's permit" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We've been taking turns driving with her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right. Okay, merge." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I... Claire : Merge. Haley : Mom..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Merge! Merge, merge, merge, merge, merge!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Stop it! You're freaking me out!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "This navigation system's all messed up. It thinks we're in a park. Oh, my god, it is a park! Away from the kids!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Where do I go?! Phil : Aim for the lake! Haley : The lake?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aim for the lake!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The last thing Manny needs on his first day of school is you under-melting his confidence." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Undermining." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Now you're doing it to me, too." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry, but there's only two places anyone should wear a poncho... Niagara falls and log rides." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You think too much about these things. I wear all sort of" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sure it's the confidence they're admiring. I just... I just" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": ": You know what? You need to loosen up and have fun. Mitchell : I am loose. I'm fun. Remember? Breakfast for dinner last week... my idea." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ever since we brought Lily home, you've been tense." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, sweetheart. Come on." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just relax." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, sweetheart. Did you put hair spray on this? Cameron : Just a little bit, yes. I'm gonna put some music on. Mitchell : No, cam, I have to go to work." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Dance with her!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't have time for this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Put a little boogie in it. oh, come on. Just dance. You know you love this song. This is actually a really good song. All right. Okay. Who's the dancing queen, huh? Put a little boogie in it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't have time." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "See? Fun, right? Oh, my... was that her head?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I think if it was her head, she would be... Yeah, that was her head. Okay, okay. Yes, I know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I got boo-boo bear from the freezer. Mitchell : Why do you have chocolate on your face? Cameron : It was under a pie." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So you ate your way to it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I made a judgment call. You weren't there!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you think she's all right?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She didn't cry that much." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "M-maybe that's a bad sign. You know... We should try and make her laugh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "'cause that's how we'll know she's okay. Where's, um... Where's doggy? Doggy, doggy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Here, doggy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, there you go. Moo!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But it's a dog." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, I know. That's why it's funny. Moo!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't think it's as funny as you think it is. Can we please just call your sister?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. Cam, cam, why, so she can be all judgmental" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, she is your family. Of course she's gonna be" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, hi. Uh, not a big deal, just wondering... When your kids were small, did you ever..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know, uh, smack their heads into a wall? Usually," }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. Accidentally. Um, we... we just kind of bonked Lily's head, And she... it really wasn't very hard, and she's not acting any differently, But I just worry..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Relax. It happens. Luke used to bang his head all the time," }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. All right, thank you. Thanks. That helps. Okay, okay. We got to take her to the doctor. Load up the car." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I, uh, just dropped Manny off at school, And I realized... I just dropped Manny off at school." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, boy. And I was hoping we'd still have a few more" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, what I'm saying... we have the day to ourselves for the first time in months. We should take advantage of it... Go to the club... Nice lunch... Some massages." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What about work?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm the boss. Since I married you, people are surprised I come in at all." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay's very spontaneous. He's always surprising me with little presents, fun getaways." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I wasn't the greatest husband the first time around, But I'm" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whatcha reading there, a book?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I've been meaning to get to it for a while." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, it's got a map at the beginning. I like it when books do that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh. Do you have an open house this morning?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I rescheduled. Thought you might like some company. Ahh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was sort of looking forward to a quiet day. Thought I'd just read, maybe... Go for a run later. That's it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. We'll run together. Claire : You don't have to do that. Phil : I Know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "The thing is, I like to run alone, and I run kind of fast, so..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, I'm not sure you're gonna be able to keep up with me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're k... you're kidding, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You really think I can't keep up with you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not sure you can keep up with this conversation." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think you're forgetting that I power-walk every morning and that I wear my special ses with the big soles, which were designed by a doctor." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, I know. But I run... every day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You really think you can run as fast as me?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, Phil, I think I can run much, much faster...Than you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think I'll order what I had the last time. What was that called?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You just want me to say it because you want me to roll my" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Reuben. Jay, what is this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, looks like my old car cover." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't give me that. This is Manny's poncho. What is it doing here?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe he decided to take it off on the way to school." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What did you say to him?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing. I told some jokes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You said plenty with your jokes. Jay, he looks up to you. He respects your opinion." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So, we should crush Manny's spirit and destroy everything that makes him who he is." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just saying, it's no fun to see your kid get picked on every" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, batman doesn't get picked on, and he wears a cape." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Batman doesn't get picked on because he's a muscular genius. Manny can't make it to the top bunk." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're taking this poncho to Manny at school. It's" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I always take the stairs two at a time. I don't even think about it anymore. The regular way would seem weird." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, let it go. I'm faster than you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "If only there was some way we could settle this once and for all, but how? Huh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You seriously want to race me? I ran a half marathon last" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wow. I'm half scared." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, we do need to do this. I'll go change." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not now. I got a conference call. But how about after that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Great. This afternoon." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweet! Two at a time, two at a time, two at a... Son of a gun, got to fix that step. Two at a time, already at the top, so..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Hi. I'm dr. Miura. I'm on call today. Looks like we have a little head bump." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, it happened a couple hours ago on a doorjamb." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Oh, ouch." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We used to do this thing in school where they would give you an egg, And you... you know, you couldn't break it. And it was supposed to teach you how hard it was to be a parent. But... The real thing, it's... it's... it's so much harder." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We did that in my school, too. It didn't turn out so well." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, well, he's a nervous eater." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I broke a dozen eggs." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. I'm sorry. I just assumed that..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know. I know what you assumed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "There doesn't seem to be any mark. Cameron : Well, her head was... somewhat protected. Dr Miura : Protected? Was she wearing a hat?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, yes. It was like a hat." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It was a wig. Actually, sort of a ghetto-fabulous afro thing. I thought it might be medically relevant." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? You thought \"ghetto-fabulous\" might be" }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Maybe I should just finish with the exam?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Thanks." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You'll be pleased to know that Mitchell and I intend on raising lily With influences from her asian heritage." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "That is fantastic. Have you noticed any vomiting since" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, no. No, no." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We've hung some art in her room, some Asian art, And then when she's ready for solid food, There is a fantastic pho place Right around the corner from our house. Am I pronouncing that right? Is it \"pho\"? It's a soup." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "I don't know. I'm from Denver. We don't have a lot of...Pho there. Just to be sure, Could you show me how hard Lily got hit? And u... use your head." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yeah, so, I mean, really, it was... It was just sort of" }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Could I see that again?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, it was just... just a head bump, you know?" }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "How are you feeling?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, fine." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "So is Lily. Babies are designed to survive new parents, so stop worrying. You guys are doing great." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Denver." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't see any ponchos, Which means either the kids don't wear them or the ones who do wear them disappear." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're doing the right thing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I support Manny no matter what. Children need to know that you believe in them. It's the most important thing. If you tell them they have wings, they will believe they can fly." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, really? I had a buddy went to Woodstock, believed he" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Is something wrong? Who's died?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No one, Manny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why would you even think that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar elementary school. If you were pulled out of class, it was definitely to identify a body." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, we got your poncho here." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I thought you said it made me look like my neck was wearing a dress." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That was a joke." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, good it's still in the pocket." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you got there buddy?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "My pan flute. I'm going to play some Colombian folk music for my new classmates." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Huh. Great." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I've never been more proud of you. I'm sure your friends are gonna love it. Break the flute." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance... My son will die a virgin." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's right." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, sport, can I take a look at that whistle? Oh, geez, look at that!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And now you stepped on it!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? Oh, darn! Wh-what's wrong with me?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Here, let me get it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you. You know what, actually, maybe you should do this. I-I don't want to bump her head against the door, You know, pinch her with the seat belt." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, how long are you gonna beat yourself up over" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just... I think I suck at being a father." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What are you talking about? We're new at this. Mitchell : Yeah, but you're such a natural. I mean, look at you. You walk into the room, and she lights up. You... you change her diaper with one hand. I... Nice, I'm actually jealous of you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There are so many things that you do that I can't. You... you baby-proofed the entire house. You took care of all the adoption paperwork. Without you, we wouldn't even have a baby to injure. Just a couple of forms." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Actually, that was a lot of paperwork." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And you got her on all those preschool waiting lists." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I can't believe you were gonna wait until she was old enough." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You see, that's what makes us a great team. We each" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We are. Cameron : I can't hear you. Mitchell : We are!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't you forget it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Did we just lock our baby in the car?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did you put the keys in the bag?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I put the keys in the bag. That's what we always... Cameron : Oh, Mitchell, I told you not to put the keys in the bag! Mitchell : Don't freak out. Come on, don't freak out!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lily, it's okay!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "* a, b, c, d, e, f, g *" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What, are you singing to her? People get arrested for this, Mitchell! We have to keep her calm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "* h, I, j, k, l, m, n, o, p *" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do all four doors lock?! Do you have a phone?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I didn't say anything." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I couldn't hear you. I'm cranking one of my mash-ups." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, hey! There they are. How was the first day back in prison?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Fine." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. What are you guys doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Your mom and I are racing to the mailbox on sequoia and back." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, she knows. Hey, buddy, as soon as I'm done kicking a little mom butt here, How about I school you in some Mariokart? Luke : Can't. Got to work on my journal." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Lame! Hey, uh, Alex, you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I have a history paper." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, if you want see a little history being made right here..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Not really. Phil : Okay. Ready? Claire : Are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I was born ready. I came out of the womb wearing tiny, little, golden..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "...Wings." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm breaking the window!" }, { "from": "Trina", "value": "Emergency assistance. This is Trina." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Help! We locked our baby in the car, and people are judging us!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I swear to god, I'm gonna break it!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do not break the window! You'll get glass on her!" }, { "from": "Trina", "value": "Sir, please tell your wife to relax. Everything is going to be okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's a man." }, { "from": "Trina", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't worry, Lily! Lily, daddy's coming for you!" }, { "from": "Trina", "value": "Sir, we just sent the signal. The door should be unlocked now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Check... check the door. Check the door, check the door." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's not unlocked! Oh! oh..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That is amazing. How did they do that? Mitchell : I don't know. It's just... We got it. Thank you. Cameron : Did that come from space?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I am." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I love it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Boo boo boop! Afterburners engaged! Ooh! Don't choke on my smoke! And down the stretch he goes! I don't believe it! Daddy wins! Do you believe in miracles?! U.S.A.! U.S... Oh, no!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, geez!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my... What was that?! Was that a person?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm good!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm good! I'm good!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're getting better, sweetheart." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_40", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you doing?! Keep your eyes on the road!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Eyes on the road!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my god! Oh, my..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "oh. Uh-oh. ‘Kay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, sweetie, this happens. Remain calm. That's the first thing. Pull over right here. I'll get out the registration." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, I don't like cops. Claire : Okay, pull over right there. Haley : I don't like cops." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, there's a space right here." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't pull over. No, I can't." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You need to pull over." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_41", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't pull over. I don't like cops." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You got to pull over. Phil : No can do. I got priors. Haley : I'm speeding up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The parking ticket from the mall... I never paid the parking ticket! Keep moving, sweetheart!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad agrees with me... I can speed up!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's not a movie, Haley! Pull over!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, when I heard Manny wanted to fence, I was like, \"sure. uncoordinated kid, lethal weapon... How can this go wrong?\" Gloria : And what do you think now?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm proud of our little Zorro. I mean, I worked with him a" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's in his blood. His father was a master swordsman. He was an artist with his sword. I mean, the way he throws the sword... I mean, he was legendary." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, this nice moment I'm having with your son..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Did you know that fencing goes back to the 12th century? Haley : You know what's even nerdier than fencing? Knowing when it began." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't think you're a nerd, Alex." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Shut up, dork." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right! That's my boy!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Would this be easier if we suspended you from a crane?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Any monkey can shoot a home movie. I pride myself on shooting home films." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, but, Cameron, you always just take things a little" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I don't." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, your nephew's first birthday." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's not fair." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You brought a wind machine." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "To be fair, my vision was..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cameron, you brought a wind machine." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who puts wheels on cribs?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mi tigre! Mi tigre! Yes! Ay, sorry. Sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's okay." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No! No, no, no, no, no! My phone died!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No\tbiggie.\tYour\tbattery\tprobably\tjust\tstatically defracticated." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It means you can recharge it with static electricity. Just rub it on your hair." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes! You know, I used to go to the houses of my friends, And" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's a good grip ! Can we switch seats?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, people are staring." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know you're not supposed to care, but it's kind of cool to have a kid in your house who's the best at something, you know what I mean?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, our kids are great. Claire : They're the greatest. Phil : Gosh, we're blessed." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We are. But, um... Are they the best at something? I'd have to think about that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, Alex is great at every single thing she tries, So, you" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She will. And... and Haley is..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Haley is so pretty." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Gorgeous." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, gosh. Gorgeous girl. I mean... So, she can meet someone who's the best at something." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And then, I guess that leaves Luke. We dropped the ball a little bit on that one." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, a little bit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Presenter", "value": "How about a nice round of applause for our winner; Manny Delgado." }, { "from": "Everyone", "value": "Bravo, bravo!" }, { "from": "Presenter", "value": "Manny now moves on to the championship, where he'll be competing against Caroline Markum. We'll see you all back here at 4:30." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right! What she said." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. This means more to dad than it does to Manny. Mitchell : Yeah, it's his chance to be, you know, father of a champion. Well, second chance. But we all know how the first time went." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Did I say something wrong?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No. I'm... I'm very happy for Manny, that's all. Everything's not always about Claire. Geez." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I want to thank you guys for coming by and supporting the" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why, Claire?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, sweetie." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? Well, that took a while." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, she's been asleep for 20 minutes. It just took me some time to sneak out without waking her up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Kind of like the first time you slept over here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I had a meeting. All right, let's talk about why you got your panties in a bunch. What's up with you and your sister?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nothing is up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mm-hmm. Or could this have something to do with... Ice skating?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "When Mitchell and Claire were kids..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This is interesting to no one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse... please let me finish. Thank you. When Mitchell was 10... 11... and Claire was 13, they were competitive ice dancers." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Figure skaters. Oh, for god's sakes, I'll tell the story. Yes," }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And Mitchell is still upset because Claire quit the team" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "some meet? The 13-and-under regional championships. Just the emerald city at the end of my yellow brick road." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow. You did it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You made figure skating sound even gayer." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, seeing your dad so proud of Manny didn't stir up any resentment?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mnh-mnh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Okay, fine, you always do this. Instead of letting your feelings out, you bury them, and then they bubble up later in hurtful ways." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you know what, you... Yes, all right. Listen, I" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You love me in my yellow shirt." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It makes you look like the sun." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Bubbling. Hurtful bubbling. Now you know why I left early that morning." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ha! I knew you didn't have a meeting, Cam! I knew it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "There must be something wrong with this phone. I've rubbed it on my head for, like, an hour." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? Alex." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, you're such a geek!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "At least I didn't give myself a bald spot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god! Mom!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, don't be mean. Haley, stop making yourself such an easy target." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This feels right, buddy. I'm telling you, this feels right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you guys doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Pursuing excellence. We made a list of areas the boy might excel at, and... baseball!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Love it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. I read it only takes 10,000 hours to achieve excellence. You've already got, like, what, how many hours playing ball?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, I played, like, one season. So, like, 6,000 hours?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I can see why you ruled out math." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I have got a good feeling about this. This is gonna be your sport." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Last year, you said basketball was my sport." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look, I've said a lot of things I wish I could take back, But I can't. What I can do is be the dad you need me to be to help you become masterful. You want to be masterful?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I guess." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There's my killer! Okay. Our journey of 10,000 hours begins with a single pitch. I believe in my boy! I ain't gonna quit you. Let's burn one in here. That's good. That's a good start. Okay, you... Rest that cannon while I run this down, okay? Okay. Let's keep all the batters right here. Oh! Should have... should have worn my cup. Should have worn my cup. Home run! This one's really in here, buddy. Okay. Very, very, very, very good first hour. Toss me your glove. I'll put some oil...On it. Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, I was telling my grandmother how great was Manny today." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, that wasn't angry talk?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, silly, that was happy talk." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, I'm beginning to understand Why there's so much conflict on your continent. Here, check this out." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Aw, Jay. Jay loves to make t-shirts for special occasions." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "A few years back, my granddaughter Haley ran a 5k, So I had a few of these made up. It's just fun." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I love it when you're so proud of Manny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, I'm not gonna lie. Seeing him out there slicing those kids to pieces, you know, it... it gets to you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oye, gracias, mi amor. Manny : I'm sorry to interrupt. Gloria : It's okay, papi." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, champ. I got a little something for you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And I have something for you. Here, I will not be needing it anymore." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "But the finals." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I am retired." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait! Wait, wait! You can't retire." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's just not fun anymore." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, it's probably just butterflies. Come on, you're gonna be fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look, if he doesn't want to, it's his decision." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, the hell it is." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He shouldn't be doing anything that makes him nervous. Papi, I support you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm not nervous. I just don't want to fight a girl." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Defeating a woman would be a mark on my honor. Gloria : Why? Because men are always so superior to a woman? Manny : Uh..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Uh, uh! So superior that you cannot even finish your sentence?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Dude." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, you always call yourself the lover of women. But if you don't compete with this girl, you're showing me and all the women that you don't respect us." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. So take back your sword and go fight this girl like a bull!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Can't hear you!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't hear you!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's really as loud as I can go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman", "value": "Yeah, Phil, I'm sorry. It's a beautiful house. But I'm just not sure how kid-friendly it is, and we have two small children. I mean, these stairs alone..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, this place is awesome." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not now, Luke." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Did you see the backyard? It's got room for, like, 10 tree houses. And the bedroom's got a window on the ceiling. I wish we could live here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I wish you'd go back out to the patio, where..." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Do you really?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, yeah. Our house sucks compared to this one." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It really does." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "There you are. I'm gonna get changed, and then we're off to manny's match, okay?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad doesn't want me to go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? Why?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Remember when you were all worried that our son's a dud?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, that's not exactly the way I remember it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Turns out he's a natural." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "At what?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "At selling." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's amazing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Right?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Incredible." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, the owner's coming back in an hour with her husband, And I need him. I am telling you, that kid is a genius. There's the rainmaker!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why is your ipod in your mouth?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm charging it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex. Alex!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, there's no part of you that wants to clear the air with your sister?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nope." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, fine. That's your family's way. I'll respect that. But you should know it's hard on the people who love you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, stop being so dramatic." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We feel the tension. We hear the words that cut like knives." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, guys! I brought orange slices." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, you know what? I can't bear this. Claire, Mitchell still resents you for quitting the figure-skating team when you were kids. Ladies, come inside with me, please. Work it out. Come on." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thanks, cam." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is he serious? Is that what your little jab was about this morning?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, no... yes. Okay, yes. Yes, I'm... I guess I'm still a" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, 21 years ago." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, no, but it doesn't matter to you because you had your own moments. You had cheerleading and high-school plays and, uh, making out with the quarterback and..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, come on. You made out with him, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, but we had to keep it a secret. You shouldn't have quit. It was selfish." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You want to know why I quit? I quit to protect you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "From what? Glory? Fame?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, come on." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Press conferences?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was bigger than you. I was bigger than you, and I was afraid you wouldn't be able to lift me. You were... you were dropping me in practice, and I didn't want you to humiliate yourself..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I dropped you twice. Claire : In front of all of those people. Mitchell : Three times." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You dropped me all the time. Come on. Can't you just forgive me and move on?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Of cour... yes, yes. Yes, of cour... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ugh. God, this must seem so petty to you, huh?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, it's a little silly, But we all have our thing, don't we?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Stay focused, stay loose, and stay angry. Who's the toughest?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I am!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who's the bravest?!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I am." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who's the baddest?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can you guys ask all the questions now so I don't have to keep lifting this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go. Go get 'em! Woman : Are you all set? Caroline : Yeah." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Okay, go get 'em! Good luck! Excuse me... is this seat taken?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, sit." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh, thank you. Oh, is Manny yours?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh, he's quite good. I saw him earlier." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, thank you." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is she your little girl?" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh, Caroline? No. No. Sadly, her parents passed away. I'm her nurse down at the children's hospital. But all of my patients are like family to me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Man", "value": "Well, our boys are enjoying themselves." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. I can talk about crown moldings and recessed lighting till the cows come home, but nothing compares with that sound right there." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, buddy. Oh, he's fine." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "My foot! I think it's backwards!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's not backwards." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "What happened?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's the stupid floors. They're too slippery." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oak. Also known as nature's pillow." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's like ice." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now, let's not start blaming the floors. You shouldn't have been running." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I saw a ghost." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "G-ghost? Hey... Phil Dunphy. O-kay. That's me. That's acting like a natural shoehorn. Okay. Probably better all take our shoes off for this part of the tour. Follow me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman", "value": "She's our little miracle." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "I only wish her father had made it back from Afghanistan to see this. Oh! There's our cheering section! Over here, you guys!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, my god, we have to stop him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe I can pull the fire alarm." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Expect no mercy." }, { "from": "Caroline", "value": "Bring it on, big boy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I-I'm glad dad's proud of Manny. I am. I just... It would have been nice to see him that proud of us. And by \"us,\" I mean \"me.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And you sincerely thought that the path to dad's approval" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I am not claiming that any of this is rational. I'm... I'm" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I... Actually always felt very guilty for quitting. Look, I know how much you loved figure skating." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I...Never really loved skating." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "um, all right. This is gonna sound a little gay. But, um, when... when you and I skated together, You know, you weren't the mean older sister and I wasn't the... the clingy little brother. We were... we were a team. And, well, let's face it, We've kind of grown apart in the past few years, And... and with mom and dad's divorce, we were on opposing sides, and I just...I... I just... I miss being on your team." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "...A little gay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, There we go." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Claire, where are you going? Claire? No way!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Get up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Don't drop me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Everyone", "value": "Oh! Oh! Oh! Jay : Put it away or lose it. Everyone : Oh!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Somebody's got to put a stop to this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So, can we take you and Caroline out for ice cream?" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "We can't. She's diabetic." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course she is." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's get out of here. Let's get this thing in the trunk. I can't decide if I'm feeling more proud or mortified." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How about now?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're mad, aren't you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm not mad. Mitchell : Yes, you are. Cameron : No, I am not. Mitchell : You're a little jealous." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm...happy for the two of you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, come on. We'll do one. Stay there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "For real?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yep. Feel better?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Oh, do me now. Come on." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What are you talking about? Are you serious? Cam, no! Ow!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fix that step. Morning." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm still sleeping." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Happy anniversary." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And they said we wouldn't last." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Who said that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, look at you. You're cute." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Go ahead. Open it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What have you done?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nothing. Something, nothing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's a View-Master." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look inside." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, it's us. Look at how young we are. Oh, God, that perm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, it really framed my face." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why is there a picture of a bracelet?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Must be some kind of a mistake." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What the heck is that? Oh, Phil, you didn't." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? Did he? Did he?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's beautiful. Oh, sweetie, I love it. Okay, your turn." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My turn? Where is it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's on the bureau." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm surprised I didn't see it. Where?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There, the red envelope." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's a... card." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's where you're wrong." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am so excited. Coupons for... five... free... hugs." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't like it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you kidding me? I love it. It's so creative. Coupons for hugs, which are usually free, but this makes it official, which is so great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was so proud of myself when I thought of it because" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Can't tell if she needs a diaper change." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I think we'd be able to tell." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, with these diapers, it's hard to tell. Triple leakage protection." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Leak lock... contours to protect her little body." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No gapping or chapping." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you think that maybe we need a..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Night out? Yes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just a few hours with a couple of adults, a few drinks, no baby talk. I think, it'll make us better parents." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Stop drilling. You've struck oil. We'll get Gloria to" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You got some spittle." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do I? You know who'd be fun to call? Sal." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sal!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Raise the roof, Lily. We're calling Sal." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sal is our very best friend in the whole wide world. The reason we love her so much is she has absolutely no inhibitions, and that's before she starts drinking. Hanging out with her is like an Amsterdam Saturday night every day of the week." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And, ironically, Sal's not allowed back into Amsterdam," } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course we would love to have the baby, all the other cousins are sleeping over tonight." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The more, the merrier. Gloria : See you tonight. Bye-bye. Manny : Is Haley still coming?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "So, Mom, there's a party tonight at Andrew Adler's, and everybody's gonna be there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oooh, that sounds like so much fun, but I have other" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That's high-larious, but I'm talking about me." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's unusual." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You said you'd go to your grandfather's." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That's what's so perfect about this. Andrew only lives a couple blocks away from Grandpa, so I figured..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, you made a commitment." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But I really want to go. And plus, every time I go over to Grandpa's, Manny just stares at me the whole time." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Maybe if you wore a bra." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What? I can't wait to go to Grandpa's. Family means everything to me." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Because you have no friends." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Because I love Grandpa, and he's getting older. Who knows how many years he has left?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Is Grandpa dying?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Didn't they tell you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, stop torturing your brother. No, your grandfather is fine." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "For now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hmm, who could that be? You expecting someone special?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Flowers, too?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you apologizing for? They're gorgeous." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's too much, you know. With the View-Master and the bracelet and the flowers and the balloons." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": ": Balloons?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They're attached to your car. I just don't want you to feel bad about your little... coupons." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait. You thought the coupons were your only present?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They aren't?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, come on. It's our anniversary. Those coupons were just like a fun, little way to kick off the day. Your real present is coming tonight, and you're gonna love it. Love it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Cool!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This place brings back so many memories." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Get in here! Big bear! And my baby cub! Oh, my God! You guys!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Look at you!" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "You notice anything different? Mitchell : Your hair's longer, right? Cameron : Did you get your teeth bleached? Sal : Let me give you a little hint. Ba-boobs!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! Those are sensational!" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "I know. Right? You want to touch 'em?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm gay, not dead. Are you okay with this? Cameron : Yeah, you're drinking a passion-fruit daiquiri. Sal : Ok, get in there good." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm coming in!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, Lily likes that? That... singing?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes. It relaxes her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So Lily's deaf. There are my little stinkers!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hi, grandpa." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on in." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hey!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ola." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ola, ola!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, hello, there, Haley." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Take it down a notch, Jethro. So, you guys ready for some fun? What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I love you, Grandpa, and I'm never gonna forget you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Back at you, champ. This is a pajama party. Where's your PJ's?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "They're in my bag. I need to talk to you about something." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She wants to go to a party with Dylan, Grandpa." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Shut up, Alex! It's at my friend Andrew Adler's. He lives three blocks from here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, walking distance." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Right. So I wouldn't ask you this, because I love coming to your house, but it's kind of an important party..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "If somebody invites you over, the last thing you want to do is" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Exactly!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm glad we agree." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God, that was so easy. This is awesome" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You really don't understand what just happened there, do you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "PJ's on, Haley!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I would be happy to let her change in my room." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who could that be? Are you expecting someone special?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What did you do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing. I just know that there's someone at the door." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Rock on, Phil Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Bam! Read it and weep, Phil! It's the Iz!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Who?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Izzy Lafontaine from Spandau Ballet." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Izzy Fontaine from Pa..." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "He's got it now. He's got it. He's just seriously freaking out." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Here to play a private concert for us is the guitarist..." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Bass player, actually Claire : .... and lead singer... Izzy : Backup. Backup." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "... of Spandau Ballet." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Between Richard Miller and Martin Kemp." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Sal", "value": "I miss you two guys so much. So, so much. To us!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, to us!" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "To us, the three musketeers! Cabo!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Seriously, you bastards, we've been talking about it forever. We're doing it! We're going to Cabo! Let's do it! Let's do it!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All right, let's go!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. That will be fun." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "\"Fun\"? Are you joking? Margaritas, you guys, these guys. It's gonna be epic!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We need to find someone for Lily." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Okay; okay, how much are you gonna pay me to go make out with the waitress?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait. Which one? The old one or the young one?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "$10 for the young one, $20 for the old." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "I am about to make 30 bucks. Cameron : I'm just gonna go check on Lily. Sal : Right now?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It'll just take a second." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Well, I'm just... You're gonna miss me sluttin' it up with Driving Miss Daisy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It'll just take a second." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Real fast." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "You should kill that baby." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "You should call the baby. I love you guys so much!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did she just..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm scared." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I got nothing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I think I have a very good pair." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You sure do." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And I got squat." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't think I have anything, either. Jay : Are you kidding me? That's a straight. Haley : Really?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She wins." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You won!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I win. You know what? I think I deserve a soda." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Good job, Haley." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know how to play." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hi, honey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Gee, you scared me. How did you..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Light bulb went out. You don't change right away, you never get around to it. There. Now I can see everything that goes on around here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, just play it, I think. Yeah. He's awesome, honey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're welcome." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "*Tonight. So right. So right. Lover.* Hey, Phil, I think your lover wants a kiss from you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, okay..." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Come on, man. She's not your sister. Give her a proper snog. That's a bad joke. Not funny. My sister lost her feet to complications from diabetes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Can I get you some water there, guy, or..." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "You got tea?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, of course. I'll get that." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Yeah, chamomile." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't miss a minute." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Oh, God. Why did... Look at what I'm doing. I'm making it all about me. What a downer. It's your evening. Let's make it great. Name your playlist. I'll do it all." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just the classics. Let's play the hits." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "We'll get to the hits, obviously. Go to the back catalog. Favorite B-side." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's fun! Yeah, that's fun. Just... I'm so bad with titles." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Hum it. Just did that one, didn't I?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's right. It's in the noodle. So, I guess..." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "What album is that on?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Second. I want to say second." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "What's on the cover?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There's a warlock, I think. Or a seascape." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Oh, \"Millennium Sunrise\"?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Millennium Sunrise.\"" }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "There is no \"Millennium Sunrise\" record." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? What?" }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "You're not a fan-dau. You didn't even know who I was at the door. I saw it in your eyes. Am I being Punk'd?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This means so much to Claire. I don't want to hurt her" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Her feelings? Well, what about my feelings? This is my career, man. My music was the soundtrack to people's lives. Now I'm nothing. How do you think that feels? This is really humiliating." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't go. Don't go!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you guys doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He let me touch it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I think she said \"kill,\" Cam. I do." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe it was just a joke. She's always had a dark sense of humor." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's true. Remember her Halloween costume?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "When she came as Siegfried and part of Roy?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was too soon." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This was just a joke." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes! Yes. Oh, here she comes. I'm gonna bring up Lily. We'll see what she says." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Show her some pictures." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Pay up, bitches! Mitchell : More drinks. Sal : Free drinks!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sal, you've got to look at these pictures." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "What are they of? Mitchell : It's Lily at the zoo. Sal : Oh, cute." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Look at that one." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Cute, cutie cute, cute, et cetera. So, you guys are gonna have to bring Lily to Cabo, now that you're the guys that always bring Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, you know... probably." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, probably." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "I will throw her in the ocean." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "I said I got to go pee." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, that wasn't even close." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nope." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I mean, what do we do? Do we say something? Mitchell : How do we even bring it up? She threatened our child, and that's your concern, a segue?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what this is?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is first-child syndrome. It's where the first child is happy, and then the second child comes along, and the first child gets jealous of the second child and starts acting out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, that's brilliant, except Sal's not our child." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, think about it. We've practically done everything for her. We've held her when she's cried. We've carried her when she couldn't walk. We've done everything but potty-train her." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Hey, guy! I was thinking... Oh, sorry... that when we go to" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sal, Sal, we got to talk." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's about Lily." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Oh, shocker." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you think it's at all possible that maybe you're jealous of her?" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's just... I don't know." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "What?! Why would you say that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You won't look at any pictures of her, and you talked about killing her and throwing her in the ocean." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "That was a joke. You guys, come on! We're fine. Show me the" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "See?" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Okay, it's a joke. You guys, come on! Because she's Asian and she broke up our group." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just... Let's at least acknowledge that things have" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And you know what? Because Lily's here doesn't mean we love you any less." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, absolutely not." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Sal", "value": "We used to be really close, and you used to call me a lot. And now you never call me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, but we..." }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "And last week, I had a really bad dream, and I was thinking, \"Okay, I'm gonna call them,\" and then I thought, \"Oh, no! You can't call them because \"you might wake up their baby!\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You can always call. Oh, honey, always call us. I'm sorry" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think you just put a little spittle." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did she just fall asleep?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I wish Lily would do the same. Give her eight shots of tequila." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't understand why she's not falling asleep." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I have a theory." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I got the movie. Manny, why don't you go fire up some popcorn? You looking for these?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You took my shoes?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, I took your freedom. Sorry, it ain't your night." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why are you being like this? I just wanted to go to that party for like two hours. I would have been back by now! Would that have killed you?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's just like her mother." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why are you treating Haley like this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Me? She's the one acting like a pill." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're taking this too personally. When I was Haley's age, I loved my grandfather, but I still wanted to go to parties and be with boys." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know, I know, so did Claire... and Mitchell. But you know" }, { "from": "what? You try to put something over on me, you're gonna lose. Gloria", "value": "So what? Now you're gonna make this into a big game? Jay : I'm trying to keep them around a little bit longer, that's all. Who knows how many nights like this I got left?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's wrong with this kid tonight? Go in the kitchen and help out the guys, and I'll be right in." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's great that you want to spend time with your" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're a good abuelo. She's upstairs." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know. Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Get up. You're here to take Haley to the party, right?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's in the house." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "How did you know I was here?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This is how I first met Phil." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thanks again, Grandpa. We'll be back by 11:00." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I will track you down." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I believe that." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "What's that smell?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sloppy Jays. Help yourself. There's plenty left. Dylan : Sloppy Jays because your name's Jay. Right on. Manny : I can't believe she's into this guy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If you want, I'll fix you a plate. Dylan : Yeah, definitely. That'd be great. Haley : What about the party?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "We can go in just a minute. Just let... Oh, no way! \"The Gunfighter\"! I love this movie!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dylan, the party." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh, but... cowboys." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't fight it, Haley. They never grow up." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm going to the kitchen for an espresso. Anybody need anything?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, thanks." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Okay, 1, 2, 3, 4." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"The year was 1991. America was immersed in Desert Storm. Meanwhile, stateside, another storm was brewing... in my heart.\" This is stupid, isn't it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Is it stupid, Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just keep going, Claire. It's wonderful." }, { "from": "Caire", "value": "\"After a romantic dinner at Fratelli's, a certain nervous young couple shared their first kiss as the radio played this song.\" Izzy : You know what? No, no. Sorry. Sorry. Not gonna do it, no." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's wrong? What's going on?" }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Do you know the name of this song? Right. \"True.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"True\", of course." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "This is false. I'm not gonna play \"True\" for someone who's false. He doesn't even know the band. He's not a fan." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Of course he does. Because this is our song. You love this" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's not our song, Claire. Our song is \"If You Leave\" by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you sure?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Pretty sure. I sang it at our wedding." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm an idiot." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Well, actually, he's the idiot. He fell in love to a breakup song." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ignore him. This is beautiful. I love it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I hate this. I hate this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're so sweet and nice and I can't even give you a decent anniversary present. I love you so much, and I feel like you just are never gonna know it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You do know it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know it. Yes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You do?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And this is an awesome gift. Do you know why?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You just gave us a new song." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Suppose it's all brought you back together, eh?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sort of." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Rekindled fires of a dying passion?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Izzy", "value": "Shot a ray of hope into this gloomy suburban life?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right, buddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Maybe you could just play it, Izzy." }, { "from": "Izzzy", "value": "For you, Claire." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Sal", "value": "She is so sweet." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Isn't she?" }, { "from": "Sal", "value": "Like a little angel. Let me hold her." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, thank God." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Do we know anything?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. They're in there now with the doctor. We're lucky, though. The paramedics said it could've been a lot worse." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My God, how did this even happen?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "There he is. Big day's coming up. What do you want for your birthday, big dog?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's okay. I'm good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on. The sky's the limit. Dream big, my boy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, I guess I could use a belt." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "A belt?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, you're right. I don't need it. An extension cord works pretty good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Every year, Luke's birthday falls right around Thanksgiving, and so it gets lost in the holiday shuffle." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, one year we forgot completely, and we had to" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Which, by the way, he was fine with. He's one of those kids, you get him a gift, and all he wants to do is play with the box." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, one year we actually just got him a box... a really" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And we made the mistake of putting it in a gift bag." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So he played with the gift bag." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "W-we can't get it right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I feel terrible." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We got to do something." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, well, you know, the family is gonna be together for Thanksgiving for the first time in, I don't even know how long, so--" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am so with you... we should blow this out and throw Luke the best birthday party of all time." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, yes, and we'll order a whole bunch of pizzas, and..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, a crafts table. You know, everybody gathers around, and they make stuff, and, then, bam, they got their own party favor." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry, I fell asleep while you were describing the most" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "See you in a few hours." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Thanks again for the karaoke machine. I'll get it back to you right after the party." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That'd be great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Please don't. I beg you. Don't. Don't bring it back." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, Phil, are you getting a clown for today?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no, Luke... Luke's not much of a clown fan." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, he never liked them." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Has he ever seen a good one?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Has... has anyone? Really? So, anyway, thanks again. Okay, yeah, see you later." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No clown? No, no clown?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let it go." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who throws a party without a clown?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Since the late '30s, I'd say most people." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what? We haven't gotten Luke a present yet. Maybe a clown could be our present." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cameron, Cameron, if Phil and Claire wanted to get" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This is not our party." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But... fine. What would you suggest we get him, then?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Get him a gift card." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "A gift card?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who hurt you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Gloria, you got any idea how to wrap one of these things?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is that a crossbow?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. Am I the greatest grandpa in the world or what?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We can't give Luke a crossbow. He pokes himself in the eye every time he uses a straw." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you kidding? I had one when I was his age. My dad used" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And I used to have a machete, but times have changed. Jay : He'll be fine. I'll teach him how to use it. Hey, pal. How's it going?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Am I charming?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, boy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course you're charming. Who said you were not charming?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No one, but there is a girl in my school, and I want her to" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She's gonna be at Luke's party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I'm... a little thrown. I mean, you don't usually come to me for advice." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, this is one area in which you've done pretty well." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He has a point." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I've tried everything to get her attention... Opening doors, having a milk sent over in the cafeteria. Nothing has worked." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Here's the deal. Girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. They" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no, no, no. I-I want the most dangerous reptile you've got." }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "I have an iguana that eats crickets." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "That'd be scary if it was a birthday party for crickets. Seriously, Jungle Tanya, I need you to step it up a notch. Is there anything that scares the cocoa out of you?" }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "Uh, not really. I do have a bearded dragon." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ooh. Does it..." }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "No, it does not breathe fire." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, then, we're back to square one, aren't we?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "It all happened so fast." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I keep thinking there was something I could've done. Mitchell : Oh, don't blame yourself. Who could have possibly seen it coming?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, t-that's a rock wall. Is that even safe? Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, relax. Hey, has anyone ever gotten hurt on one of" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I don't know, man. It's my first day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See? They wouldn't let the new guy do it if it weren't..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That did not make me feel better." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't worry, I signed like a hundred releases." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "When did we decide all this? I-I think it's too much." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See, I knew you'd say that. That's why I didn't tell you. So just relax. Grab a snow cone." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There's a snow-cone machine?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, just so you know, Dylan cannot have mayonnaise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's random. Why are you telling me that?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, 'cause he's coming to the party." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is that absolutely necessary?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yes, because she can't go 10 minutes without her boyfriend's tongue in her mouth. It's like he's feeding a baby bird." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Don't be so jealous. I'm sure you'll meet someone super hot at computer camp." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Girls." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, hey. So, what you got there?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, these are supplies for the crafts table. I finally figured out what we're gonna be making." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kids bored? I'm teasing. I'm teasing. It looks good. What..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Comb sheaths. I know, I know. But we made them when I was 11 years old at Donna Rigby's birthday party. At first, we thought it was really stupid, and then we had a blast, so..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How could you not? You combined the two things that kids" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm home. I got Luke a video game, but it's about math, so... guess we're those kind of uncles. Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't be mad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh... Cam, I..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I've known I wanted to be a clown since I found out clowns were just people with makeup. Um, as a matter of fact, by the time I was a teenager, if I wasn't in school or fishin', I was clownin'. There are four types of clowns... A tramp, an auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically trained auguste clown named Fizbo. What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "N-nothing. Between the clownin' and the... the fishin'," }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The sad clown is a tramp. So there's still only four" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We did, but I-I started thinking. And this isn't about you or me. This is about a little boy who deserves some happiness. Mitchell : And he's gonna get that from his weird gay-clown uncle?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Fizbo is not gay, he's asexual." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "H-he's an innocent whose only drive is to bring people joy and laughter and balloon animals. He's... he's the least sexual being on Earth." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Oh, okay, we, at least we agree on something, yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "If this tape is found in the future, this is how we humans celebrated birthdays." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, Dad!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, there's my boy, zip line extreme... Oh! Ugh! I'm okay. I'm good. I'm good. Lesson learned. Don't stand... Don't stand there. Let's go ahead and rope this area off. Excellent. Thank you. Hey, buddy. You having fun?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, and I love my new belt." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, Luke! Luke, do you want to make a comb sheath?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "A what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's a cool leather holder for your comb. And you can decorate it. I've got beads and... and glitter and... and all kinds of stuff. Do you want to?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Nah, I'm gonna do the rock wall." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, honey, it's your day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, let me know if you get low on supplies. I'll make a quick run back to the 1950s for you. Aah! Again?! Seriously, zip- line guys, just some ropes." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did you remember to switch the whites to the dryer?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, I forgot." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "They're gonna smell musty." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'll pump." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, no, I'll do it. You just stay right here and relax." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I get it. You're worried about people seeing me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Without question." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, people are gonna stare. They're not used to seeing one clown in a car." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's her... Bianca Douglas." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She's so cute." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, and she has good handwriting. She's the complete package. Wish me luck." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You don't need luck. You just remember those jokes I told" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "We have to stop meeting like this." }, { "from": "Bianca", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We go to school together." }, { "from": "Bianca", "value": "Oh, yeah." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Do you like jokes?" }, { "from": "Bianca", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Great. Okay. So, a grasshopper named Gary walks into a bar. Oh, no. You're not supposed to know his name. Let me try another one, okay? Knock, knock." }, { "from": "Bianca", "value": "Who's there?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Interrupting cow. Bianca : Interrupting cow who? Manny : Moo. Oh, crap." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, hey." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Hey, yourself. Move." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You kind of just bumped me with your car." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I don't think so." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, you did, because, um, see, yeah, I got grease on my pants, and then also I felt it." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Call an ambulance." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I just thought you might want to know in case you wanted to be a decent human being and apologize, but... no? Okay. Ass." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Man", "value": "What did you say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just forget about it, all right?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Listen, carrot top, I didn't touch you, so do the smart thing... Shut your hole, get in your car, and drive away." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Is there a problem here?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "What the hell are you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm the ass-kicking clown that'll twist you like a balloon animal. I will beat your head against this bumper until the airbags deploy, so apologize to my boyfriend right now!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Apologize... boyfriend?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Apologize!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let's go. We're gonna be late." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mind if I come in?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Come here. Why you bounce so sad?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I told all my jokes. It turns out I'm not the funny guy. Gloria : The right girl will find you when it's time, even though I'm gonna hate losing you to another woman." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You'll never lose me, Mom. I'll always love you, no" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh. You see right there? You need no tricks. Just be the sweet, wonderful little boy that you are." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sweet little boy... Got it. She won't know what hit her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, Manny, want to make a sweet comb sheath?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Could not be a worse time, Claire." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. It's so peaceful and quiet over here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ha ha. If you came over here to gloat, I already know it's a dud." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Actually, I came to give you this. It's your favorite flavor..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thanks, honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And your hair looks really nice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, thanks. I've been combing it all day." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Tanya", "value": "All right. Let's all give Luke a big hand or being so brave." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It feels so weird. What does it eat?" }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "Oh, just little-boy brains." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Well, at least Luke's got nothing to worry about." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Is there mayo in this?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, you're good. Um, so, I was thinking that maybe we could go slip away." }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "So, does anyone want to pet the iguana?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hells, yes. Oh, man. I love lizards. What's his name?" }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "Her name is Lizzy. Dylan : Wow. I totally get that. Alex : You don't deserve this. Haley : What?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hot reptile chick, you know, probably has her own apartment, obviously okay touching gross stuff." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "They're just talking." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're right. Dylan's far too sophisticated to get sucked in by a single lady with tons of cool tattoos." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey. I think it peed on me. Tanya : Oh, no. No way, mother nature. Dylan : I can't believe he does that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, what am I missing, guys? Aw, geez, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, look! I go high! Look, look!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, guys, hit the road. Come on, you're family men. Come on, scat." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great job, buddy. Now comes the fun part. Rappel down." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's really high." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You have nothing to fear but fear itself... and the concrete, but I'm right here, buddy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay, just catch me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey! Oh! Well, you must be the birthday boy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wow. Is that you, Uncle Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, no, I'm Fizbo the Clown. I don't know who this \"Uncle Cam\" is. But he sure sounds handsome, doesn't he? Hey, who likes balloon animals?" }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "I do! I do!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's just Cam. It's just Cam." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You all right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? Yeah. No, I just have kind of a... complicated relationship with clowns." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, well, join the club." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Look, I came on strong with that whole funny-guy bit. This is me just being myself." }, { "from": "Bianca", "value": "Okay. Hey, do you know who that boy is over there?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh. That's Dylan. He's Haley's boyfriend." }, { "from": "Bianca", "value": "He's so cute and tall." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm still growing. Give me a break." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Pardon me, miss, but this little doggy needs a new home." }, { "from": "Bianca", "value": "Oh, thank you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's quite an impressive getup you got there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, thank you, Jay. Oh, by the way, you have something on your shoulder." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's good." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Never mind. It was nothing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, we're done here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "So, do you keep these at, like, a zoo or something?" }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "No, I just keep them at my place. Dylan : That's awesome. I only have a cat. Tanya : Yeah? I used to have a cat." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I was just messing with you before, but, seriously, he's still talking to her?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "On it." }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "You know, this is one of..." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I feel like Britney Spears." }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "You're so funny. You kinda do look like Britney Spears." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh really? I was kidding." }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "Um, anyway, this is probably my favorite." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, Jungle Lady, I think... I think one of your bugs got out." }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "What? This one?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "This box thing here... It's on its side, empty." }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "Oh, my God, where did it go?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Is everything okay?" }, { "from": "Tanya", "value": "No, I lost a poisonous scorpion, and I need to find it. Okay, kids, um, let's all tuck our pants into our socks, avoid shady, moist places, and let's make a game of looking where we step." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Is he okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Can we see him?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He's in with the doctor right now. These things happen, right, no matter how careful you are?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, look what Grandpa gave me... a crossbow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, that does not look safe." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Don't worry. He's gonna show me how to use it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, you ready?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God, you are not making comb sheaths. Claire : I am, and I know. It's really lame. Everybody hates it. Mitchell : No, it's just like, uh, Donna Rigby's party." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Exactly, yes, and it has the beads and everything." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, amazing. This is awesome. Wow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, Cam's a clown." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got you!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I totally got you!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And there's mine. Do you think it's weird that we both chose people who are so..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uninhibited?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was gonna say embarrassing, but, yeah. Look at them, though. They're the life of the party." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, I got to say, for all his craziness, I love my clown." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Me too. They're good for us. I would've totally tanked this" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, and I would've gotten my butt kicked at a gas station." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sorry?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It turns out Fizbo is a real badass." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Aah! Aah! Scorpion! Scorpion! Scorpion! Scorpion! Scorpion!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no. Too close. Too close. Too close." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell? Oh! Oh, crap!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened? Luke : He fired the crossbow. Claire : Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Bianca, I'm coming." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who else is in there? Get out!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Aaaahh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Manny, don't go in, por favor!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I must! I'm coming!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Manny Delgado is a man of action." }, { "from": "Bianca", "value": "Wait. My dog... It's still in there." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'll be right back." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow! My arm!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie? Luke? What..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What happened?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened, honey?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, hey, hey, hey, what happened?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I slipped on these stupid beads." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oops." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on, here we go." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How is he?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, he's gonna be fine. Jay : Hi, honey. Hey, Manny." }, { "from": "Everyone", "value": "Uh-oh, there he is." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Poor thing!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wow, everybody's here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course we are. How's that busted flipper?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry about today, buddy. We'll try again next year, huh?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you kidding? This was the best birthday ever." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I got a cast." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You like the cast?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I've always wanted one. After a few weeks, they start to smell." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You are so weird. You know that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can I sign it?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sure." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_40", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, me first." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_41", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "If you'd asked me before the party if I wanted there to be a chain reaction of disasters that led to Luke breaking his arm, I probably would've said no." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Probably?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Prob... definit... Definitely not, would not want that. But one way or another, Luke was the center of attention on his birthday, and the whole family was together, just the way it should be." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_42", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Fizbo delivery! I brought the cake!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can't do this. Okay, I'm out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Cake!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Blow... blow the candle, Luke. Blow the candle." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do we really have to wear these ugly sweaters?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's just until grandma can see them." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "My neck hole is too small. Alex : Mine's itchy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'd rather be itchy than choky." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Phil. Hurry up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, here we go. Connecting. Come in, Florida! Over! Mom? Dad?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Hello, Phillip." }, { "from": "All", "value": "Merry Christmas eve! Frank : Merry Christmas eve! Phil : A little... little lower, dad. Frank : Merry Christmas eve." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you... thanks for the sweaters!" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Oh, you're welcome. You look beautiful in them, darling." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Where's mom?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Mom is sinking fast. She's in the bathtub." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They have that claw foot. I know, yeah. Hey, pops, here's the tree. And, uh, there... there's the, uh... There's the ornament you sent us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right here. Right here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There are the stockings, Hung by the chimney by Claire." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Oh, still funny, son." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What the hell is that? What is that? That looks like a cigarette burn. Was one of you smoking a cigarette?" }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Which one of you was smoking?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not me. I have a respiratory problem." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Obviously, it wasn't you. Now I've got a family of liars and smokers." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Honey, come here. You got to see this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Did you shoplift your Christmas presents, too? Haley, keep that ugly sweater on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Anyway... Merry christmas! [OPENING CREDITS]" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you crying?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What are you, a robot?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's a deeply emotional movie." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, mi amor, I need you to help me in the kitchen." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We got to finish this first, Gloria. The kid's never seen \"miracle on 34th street." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's because he always spends Christmas in Colombia" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sounds like a classic." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It is." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom, can we finish the movie?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Aah! What the hell is that? What the hell is that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Inocente!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "When you told me we were going to watch this movie, I got a joke copy from the internet. You are the inocente!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, maybe I'm a little confused right now. What is this" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "In Colombia, practical jokes are a Christmas tradition. The one that is fooled is the inocente!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We tell practical jokes on April fool's day. Do not do that" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you kidding me with this line? I'm gonna ask Santa for the last 45 minutes of my life back." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, would you cheer up? We're in Santa's village with" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, we were at the beginning of this line." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, you know what? Somebody needs to get in the holiday... Son of a bitch." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Maybe it's not them." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, it's them. It's them." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Three years ago, I formed a caroling group. We were known as \"the Greensleevers.\" We would perform at charity events, hospitals." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And they were very, very popular." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, last year... One of my carolers... Andrew... Staged a little coup... and, he, um..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They kicked Cameron out of the group." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Andrew", "value": "Thank you. We're the new Greensleevers." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The new Greensleevers? Is there a slap mark on my face? I mean, why is Edna singing the low harmony? It's like people are applauding out of shock." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let it go." }, { "from": "Elf", "value": "Okay, next." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, finally. Whoa. Um, I'm sorry. Can I... could... could you... What happened to the other Santa? Listen, we've been waiting in this line for a really long time, and we just want a Santa that actually looks like Santa." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, it's okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, no, Cam. It's not okay. This is Lily's first Christmas. I want to make sure everything is perfect. And we're gonna wait for the fat Santa." }, { "from": "Elf", "value": "I knew this would happen. I-I don't even know why we hired" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "See? Even his elf agrees with me. Thank you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I didn't know Christmas made you so petty. Lackluster! I hate you!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is unacceptable. And I want to know who did this. Hmm?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nobody, huh? I guess the couch did it to itself. I guess it" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "If whoever is responsible doesn't come forward, Your father and I are just gonna have to punish all three of you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's not fair." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can forgive the smoking, But I can't forgive the lie..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or the smoking. No one wants to confess, huh? No? That's fine. 'cause you know what happens next? We cancel Christmas." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's not fair." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, dad, sure." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil has a habit of making big pronouncements to the kids." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "One time I told Luke that if he didn't put his dirty dishes in" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil's problem is follow-through." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We had no more dishes, So we were eating cereals out of the goldfish bowl." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, Guess where I'm headed. To take down the tree. That's right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, guys. Whoever did is, just take responsibility." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is really it, okay? Here we go. 3...2...1... Okay. Goodbye, Dunphy Christmas. Haley, I guess you're not getting that car." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I was getting a car?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I was lying, because that's what we do now. Dunphys are liars." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "When I was in charge, it was all about music. I mean, what's with them tossing out candy canes after every carol?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's pandering. I think you made that clear when you" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, how am I supposed to get all this in the car?" }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Let me give you a hand with that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, thanks. Thanks... thanks, Santa. Santa/Scott : Can't call me that anymore. Just got canned. Mitchell : Oh. Really?" }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Guess a couple of people complained I wasn't fat enough." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, that's terrible." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "That's what I get for trying not to have a second heart attack. There you go. Always a way to make room. Take it from someone who lives in his car." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um...Oh, well, thank you so much." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "No problem. Merry Christmas." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, wait, wait. Um, please, let me give you a little something. For... for your troubles." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "No, that's okay. No, really, that's okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you really live in your car?" }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Yeah, it's not so bad. It's pretty roomy since the wife moved out. Well..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why don't you come over to our place for dinner" }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Seriously?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, it's Christmas eve. You... you can't spend it in your car." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Wow, that's really nice of you guys. Listen, can I" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're good." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, uh, why don't you follow us to our house?" }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Okay. In your house. All right." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cameron." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, tonight 9:00 sharp, we open one present each... Pajamas, which we sleep in. Tomorrow morning, 7:00 A.M., Manny on the stairs for the Christmas picture. Then we open presents." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "In Colombia, they open presents at midnight and stay up" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sure that they do, But as you'll notice from the absence of goats in the street, We are not in Colombia. Come on, I'm kidding. Gloria : Why can't we mix a couple of Colombian traditions in?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Like what?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Like fireworks." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, you don't have fireworks in Colombia. You're trying to make me the inocente again." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, we do. At night, the sky is beautiful, very Christmasy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That doesn't make any sense." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look, every country has their own traditions. In our culture, for example, the baby jesus is the one that brings the gifts, Not the Santa Claus." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "But that doesn't make sense. How could a newborn baby" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "At least a baby can fit through a chimney." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How would you sit on the baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish it. Manny, next year, we'll talk about some of your little Colombian traditions, okay? Maybe." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I know what \"maybe\" means. It's like you're trying to" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't believe it's all gone. Dad never follows through. Alex : Are you sure one of your friends didn't burn the couch? Haley : Hey, don't look at me. Only one of us was ever caught playing with matches. Luke." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That was a year ago. Just admit you did it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You admit you did it!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay. Look, I have an idea. Do you remember the movie \"Spartacus\"? Here's what we do... Luke, you tell mom and dad it's your fault." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I didn't do it." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It doesn't matter, because after you confess, Haley and I will each confess to the same thing." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "How does that do anything?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "They'll be so touched that we're protecting each other that they'll have to bring back Christmas." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's awesome. How does it work again?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're gonna pass into legend... The parents who canceled Christmas." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I thought you'd be happy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They'll write songs about us, Make one of those Christmas specials With those ugly little clay people." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're the one who always says I shouldn't be a pushover" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So this is where you decide to make your stand?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, okay, look, don't worry. We're going to have Christmas. We raised our kids right. Whoever did it will come forward... Or the other two will rat them out." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom? Dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Luke. What... what can we do for you?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I did it. I was playing with matches. I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You, uh... You did the right thing by confessing, But, um... This is bad, buddy. I mean, really bad, okay? Claire, you want to handle this?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, Luke, why didn't you say something?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mm...I don't know. Okay, well, your father and I are extremely disappointed in you. So go up to your room. Go on." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Alex!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We'll be up to talk to you in a minute." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Haley!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Say something!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "About what?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I take it back!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is going on?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "These guys were gonna say they did it, too, And you were gonna be proud of all of us." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why would we do that?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I don't know what to believe with this kid." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Liars! I didn't do it! Haley : Well, it wasn't me. Alex : Don't look at me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Seriously?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait. Nobody did it again? No, that's fine. Guess what... Christmas is still canceled. That's fine by me. I'll start working on next year. Hey, and memo to New Year's eve and Easter... Watch your back!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "So, after I left the marines, I just kind of traveled the world. Now I go from town to town picking up odd jobs." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, kind of like the Hulk." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "that's weird. That was my... that was my nickname in the corps. 'cause of my bad temper. Anyway, thanks for having me over and having me for dinner, letting me do my laundry. This has not been a good day." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, Scott, I-I have a confession to make." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um... I didn't cl.. I didn't clean the lint tray, So, um, your clothes might be a little pilly." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Oh, no problem. That's the least of my worries." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's the least we could do." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know... what I was saying. I-I just say we never tell him." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Exactly. We give him some money, a hot al, laundry. I" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Agreed." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, how does this thing work?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, I think you just press that button right there in the middle." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Oh, my... Okay, that... well, that seems a little" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes. I'm not putting Lily in that. It's like something astronauts train in." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ho, ho, ho! It's me! Ho, ho, ho! It's me!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's your dad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Hey, dad. Hi." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey! I brought your presents." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Aren't we seeing you tomorrow, jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, these are your Christmas eve gifts. You know the drill." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You open those up before bedtime. They're pajamas." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Still keeping traditions alive." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, someone has to. I got two Colombians at home trying to turn Christmas into cinco de mayo." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know that's Mexican, right?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, burrito, bur-right-o. Christmas should be Christmas. Picture on the stairs, hot chocolate, opening the presents. That was supposed to be the good thing about having a kid in the house again, I can have Christmas the way we used to." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I hear you, Jay. If I was home right now, I'd be mixing" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The point is that those are memories that I'll always have, But now I have the perfect opportunity to create new memories with my new family that are gonna be just as special someday." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam's right. We create new traditions every year." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "So...Who's ready to try the swing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Now, remind me, we put this into the oven first thing tomorrow 'cause Jay wants to eat at 3:00. Ay, Manny. Did you put this spider in the fridge?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, yeah. Inocente." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, papi, what's wrong?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I want to have Christmas like they do in Colombia. Jay is messing everything up." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, try to understand. Jay has great memories with his kids when they were young. And he just wants to re-create them with you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So, maybe the best gift I could give Jay Would be" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're such a beautiful boy. One day, you're gonna grow up and I'm gonna miss all the things that you used to do as a little boy." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, but if this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Would it really be so bad to back down?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And have the kids never take any of our threats seriously again?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or the kids could realize that we're making a supreme sacrifice by giving up our power to save their Christmas." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Which would, in a way, be the greatest gift that we could" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And which would paradoxically make them respect us even more." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, forget that. Go back one." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, guys. It was me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I found a cigarette at school, And when no one was home, I...I tried it, And... I-I guess I held it too close to the couch. I'm so sorry. You can take my Christmas away, But don't take I from everyone else." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is very noble of you to care about the family, but you" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, Phil. Alex, come on back. Starting December 26th, you are grounded for a full week, and that includes New Year's eve." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "But I was g..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "no, nonnegotiable, so..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mm. Claire : Yeah. Alex : Fine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Everybody! It's official! Christmas is back on!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It is? What happened?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Doesn't matter! Stockings, lights, ornaments, wreath! Go, go, go!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um, that sounds like a stressful job to me." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Mm, not as much as you'd think. They always made sure one of us had a blank so nobody knew who took the fatal shot. This was mighty tasty. Well, I don't want to overstay my welcome Or you won't have me back. You guys enjoy the rest of your night. You're good people." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Scott, wait. Wait. Don't forget your laundry." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Oh, thanks. Thanks, thanks, thanks. Merry Christmas." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Scott, merry Christmas to... to you, too, and happy..." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it's the new Greensleevers. They're Cameron's old caroling group. They kicked him out this year." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I mean, it is one thing to kick me out of the group, but" }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I know it feels good to get even, believe me, to see the fear in a man's eyes is... But there's something that feels even better... forgiveness." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Scott, you don't understand. This... this group was my" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Andrew. Ensemble. I know it's no accident that you're here on my street tonight. And I... I just wanted to say to you all that you sound great. And...Merry Christmas." }, { "from": "Andrew", "value": "Wow. Even your apology is off-key." }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "Not cool, buddy." }, { "from": "Everyone", "value": "Ooh! Ooh!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But... but... but what about... what about forgiveness?" }, { "from": "Santa/Scott", "value": "You were nice. He was naughty." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where were you for so long?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just a little last-minute shopping. What's this?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Buñuelos." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who? What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Cheese fritters. It's a Colombian traditional Christmas food." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, new rule : from now on, we do Colombian things when" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? Did I say it wrong? You two are total inocentes. You should see the look on your faces. And by the way, you know how hard it is to get fireworks on Christmas eve?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go, Manny. Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "And here's another one for Luke. Looks like a book." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I have a book already." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is that? Oh, my God, the couch is smoking." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whoa. Luke : Whoa. Phil : It's sunlight." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's the ornament." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Cool. It's like a magnifying glass." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, how weird is that? It's burning a hole in the exact same spot that Alex was smoking in." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Haley." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Alex, why'd you take the blame?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I didn't want to lose Christmas." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is so stinking beautiful. Get in here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Bear hug!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You were going to take Christmas away for something that none of us did." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, um...Christmas is about moving forward." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I've never heard that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Actually, honey, you did kind of shoot your mouth off." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You called us all liars." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah, you did, and then you took away the biggest holiday... Phil : I don't know. Let's... let's not all get worked up. I made a mistake. I made a mistake. And people make mistakes. And they make up for those mistakes..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "... by taking their family to Italy!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "Yeah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "There's Cam." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh! You got me again." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's the most irritating thing my parents say to me?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "\"That's too much cologne.\" Haley : \"That's how girls end up dead.\" Luke : \"Don't talk black to me.\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "\"It's inappropriate because she's your teacher.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How do you even talk black? Like, end words with \"izzle\"?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's talk back, you idiot." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"Act more like an adult.\" What does \"act more like an adult\" even mean?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look at you. You're soaked. That is so lame! You're the one who wanted to do it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you two doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I picked up one of those water weasels. You hook it on the end of the hose and it flies around in the air." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Just...Like a weasel." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, look at how awesome. He's so wet." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I put the weasel in my pants." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He totally did!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dork. Is there a reason why my window is wet?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hmm, very difficult to say. Um, I don't know. Up to... ow. Ow!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's wrong? Sweetie, are you okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A little... a little twinge. Yeah." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'll call 911." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Maybe the firemen will come." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no! No. No. No!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Give me it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on! Let's go! Let's go!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're coming. Manny, it's inappropriate because she's your teacher." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What's the big deal, anyway?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's a surprise, you'll see." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, you didn't!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes, I did. I got us into that new Benihana." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Huh?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They got a chef there that can flip a shrimp into his own hat. What the hell?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "There's my boy!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell is he doing here?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, he was supposed to pick up Manny yesterday and disappointed him again, as usual. Now he just sails in here out of the blue? I don't like the guy. Do I have reasons? Yeah. Good reasons? Yeah. How many reasons do I need? None. I don't like the guy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Javier", "value": "So, I would have called, but while I was buying this boat for a friend, I got chased out to sea by another boat." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Were they pirates?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "I didn't stop to ask." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not hard to tell. Did they have curvy swords and sing songs about how fun it is to be a pirate?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Wow Jay, such a beautiful house, huh?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, we were just headed out to dinner." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "What, you think I show up empty-handed? I brought dinner... lobsters!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Did you catch them with your bare hands!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Javier", "value": "No, but I bought them with my bare hands." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wow!" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "And I have some nice wine, a good Cuban cigar for Jay. Hey, why don't you take a picture of him with your new camera phone?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't have a camera phone." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "You do now." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Awesome! All this excitement, my heart is just going. Javier : Now, listen to me, you bring that with you when you come to visit me this summer. We'll go in a race car with my friend, And after that, maybe a bullfight. I know all these guys, the matadors... They are like artists." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're quite the bullfight artist yourself." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Uh...Manny, Why don't you show your father to the kitchen?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Por favor, dios mio. Someone put on some music. Tonight," }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, we're gonna dance. What did he say? Does he need money for the lobsters?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, be nice." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"be nice\"? I could be sitting grill-side watching a guy build an onion volcano. Instead, I got Rico Suave in my kitchen and I got a stolen boat in my driveway." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If it was for me, he'll be out of my life. But it's good for" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just can't believe you ever fell for that act." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Colombians can be very persuasive. They can make you agree to things before you even know it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You must have been pretty naive." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, but now I'm with the right man, okay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Right." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Javier is only going to stay one night." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good. Wait. What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, Mitchell really wanted to ferberize the baby. Mitchell : Ferberize... it is a method Of getting the baby to sleep through the night By, yes, basically letting her cry herself to sleep. Cameron : Torture." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's not torture, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's just hard if you happen to be a person who hates to hear another person suffer." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Or two people suffer." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, you got up to comfort her, Which only teaches her that every time she cries her daddy will come in and cuddle her and put on her favorite... What are we watching?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Brian de Palma's controversial masterpiece \"Scarface.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "For the baby?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She happens to like it. I don't know if it's the colors or the... the sounds. Oh, here comes the nightclub massacre. She loves it. Watch her little eyelids. It's so cute. They get so heavy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! That's bad!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm just... okay, that's cancer!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Maybe it's just a kidney stone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"just,\" Claire?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's going on, guys? Phil : It's nothing. Go back to bed. Haley : No, but, dad..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't touch me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I bet it's just a kidney stone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"just\" again! Someone get yo mom a glass of water and a piece of gravel from the driveway and see how she likes it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why is everybody yelling?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Something's wrong with dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't frighten him. Come here. Oh! That's got to be death! Death is coming!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, you need to go to the hospital, dad. Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no. I just need a pill. Get me the biggest one you can find." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, breathe. Just... just breathe." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's what I told you when you were in labor and you threw my smoothie at me. Pill!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, I'm calling." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no! It's fine. It's actually... it's fine. It's passing. It's passing. I'm sorry to alarm everyone. I think I was probably just overreacting because there's an alien inside of me! Oh, close it down." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm definitely gonna call." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All systems down. All systems down." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Son of a bitch." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's the matter?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's playing on my pool table, that's what. Probably got himself a nice drink, too." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where are you going, Jay? Jay : Just to check things out, okay? Gloria : Come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You hear that? Now he's messing around with my remote control." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You can't hear that from here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, there." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Hey, Jay, listen, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, no. I'm a light sleeper. That's what happens when you get older." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "You're not old." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I didn't say I was old." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "I never sleep much, anyway. Life is just more interesting after 2:00 a.M. You know, the liquor tastes better. The, uh... the women are more beautiful. What is it they say? That the night belongs to the poets and the madmen." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Which are you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Javier", "value": "Perhaps both. But I think maybe you, too, huh? I see a picture over here of you on a motorcycle. You ride?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I used to." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "\"used to\"? \"used to\"?! Jay, the saddest words in any language, my friend." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. Hey, help me out here. Everybody sees you as this great" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Hey, Manny knows me. I live in the now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I was living in the yesterday When Manny was crying outside that door 'cause you didn't show up for the tenth time." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "And when I don't come, you think, what, I'm just off" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why? Because of Gloria?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Because of you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, they're on their way." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Kids, gather around like you're hugging me, but don't touch me, okay? Now, look, I'm gonna be fine." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We know, dad. We don't know that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's a miracle I'm standing up. But, look, in case anything happens, I want you to know that if I'd have had time, I would have fixed that step." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thanks, dad." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I love you. Don't cry, Luke. I'm okay." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I broke the coffee table." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's okay. What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I broke the glass coffee table." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The one you swore you didn't break and then we blamed Esperanza and fired her and she stole a turkey at thanksgiving for her family and got deported?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Damn it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm sorry!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You will be sorry. Okay!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "They're here. Really? Phil : Okay. Did you hear that? Claire : Hmm?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke broke the... Hey, you changed your clothes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I-I had to get dressed." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Into that sexy, clingy... Oh, my god. It's the firemen." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, sweetie." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And lipstick! I'm out here convulsing in agony and you're looking for cute tops to wear?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I just threw on the first thing I could find." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, we got a minute, If you want to try on some tighter jeans." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Phil, sweetie." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, by all means, Claire, we want you looking your sexiest when the hunky gay firemen get here!" }, { "from": "Fireman", "value": "How we doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're great. Phil : He meant me! Claire : Oh, right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ow!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Javier", "value": "Oh, listen, Jay, you're a tough guy to compete with. I mean, look at all you have." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So Manny has to suffer?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "No, you're right. Look, I'm going to try harder. But, you know, maybe it's a good thing that he has the two of us. From you, he learns stability. From me, he learns how to be spontaneous... Grab life by the throat." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, we do a little throat-grabbing ourselves around here," } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Javier", "value": "Hey, as long as my boy follows his passion. The worst career decision I ever made was playing baseball, But I loved every minute of it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You played baseball?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "I lived baseball. I only made it to triple-a, But I played with all those guys... Sosa, McGwire. You look like played some." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I played in high school. I was all right. Never hit a" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "So that's a dream of yours, to hit a curve?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Used to be." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "\"used to be.\" Ugh, por favor." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I said that again, right?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Please, come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're right. I shouldn't say that." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What are you guys doing?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny, did we wake you up? I'm sorry. Manny : No, I was doing my science extra credit. Jay : Of course you were." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So, can I play?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's up to your dad." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Actually, I think we're done with pool for right now. I have a better idea for the three of us. Vamos." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, how do you know this guy?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "He owes me a little favor." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "This is the coolest night ever!" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Now, let's see about that curveball." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Out! I thought you were... those were pillows. Come on. Come on. Cameron, do you realize how infuriating this is? The whole point of ferberizing is to teach her to put herself to sleep and you keep ruining it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can't help it. I'm like a mother bear. When I hear my" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "That's so unfair. Why not?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because that's how girls end up dead. Hey, honey. Phil : Hey, guys. We just wanted to see how you were doing. Claire : Is this a bad time?" }, { "from": "Nurse", "value": "No, we're just giving him something to relax before the procedure." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Which is gonna go just fine." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, we know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We don't know. In case it doesn't, promise me you'll be nice to your new fireman daddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Unbelievable." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My wife got dressed up for the firemen last night." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I didn't get dressed up for the firemen." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Those heels were really high." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You put on heels?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let's drop it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What are they doing to you, dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I have a little, scratchy rock inside of me, And they're sliding in a tube and sucking it out." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You're not scared, are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "When was the last time you saw your old man scared?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "When you walked through the spider web. When we were playing with the ouija board and the wind blew the door shut." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There was no wind, buddy. We brought something forth." }, { "from": "This stuff's really hitting me. My insides feel like velvet. Claire", "value": "Why don't you guys wait out in the hallway, okay? Luke : Feel better, dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I will." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Love you, dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Love you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Love you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, buddy, hold back a sec. It's not gonna happen, okay, But there is a scenario where you could be the man of the house and you need to know all the pin numbers and passwords." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't want to be the man of the house." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now, don't talk black to me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, your dad's gonna be fine. Why don't you wait out in the hall? I'll be right out, okay? Honey, I'm just gonna run them to school. I'll be back right after. Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You did get dressed up, didn't you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I pulled on the first thing I saw." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, okay, okay. Okay. I'll drop it. 'cause this stuff is making me fall asleep... Mm-hmm....And if I never wake up, I'd hate for the last thing you ever said to me to be a lie." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I might have gotten dressed up just a tiny bit." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I knew it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, damn it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, we are gonna be late for school. Why are you so tired today?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Any reason I can't take him?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm surprised you're up. I know what time you went back to bed." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, it was nothing. We just went out, we hit a few balls, And" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And you know what? Now that he knows you, the next time he needs something, You are the guy. Idios mio! Did you take him with you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You couldn't wait to get to school to do that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, va monos para el colegio. Let's go. We're gonna be so late. Vamos! Vamos a llegar tardasimo, Manny. ¿que te pasa? Get in the car." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I thought you said you wanted me to bond with Javier." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I said be nice, Jay. I didn't say take Manny out all night and play games." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Then we got hot dogs." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go to sleep! If I wanted to be married to a wild man, I would have stayed with Javier." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Aha! ¿que pasa?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Dad! Gloria : Por Dio, no. Jay: What the hell?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute. You're not leaving, are you?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I've got school." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "What? School." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, school. That's where people go to learn things, Like not to keep children up all night!" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "He told her?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's weak." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Well, listen, you said you used to like riding motorcycles, right? So I brought you one." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know, but I kind of got work." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Work. Manny : Go, Jay. Javier : Yeah, go, Jay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, go, Jay, And take Manny with you, too!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Manuel Alberto, in the car, Or I put you in the trunk! Jay, I'm not gonna argue anymore. I'm not gonna say anything else. Do whatever you want. But I don't want to hear you any more saying that Colombians are crazy, because you're the one that is acting crazy, Even though he's the one that is making you act crazy, So I don't know what the hell I'm talking about! Manny!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You didn't need to come home during naptime." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm, I think we proved last night that I did." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, she's back there now, So why don't you go so you don't get in trouble?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's okay. I told everyone that I have an unreliable" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, you know what? I don't need to sit here and be condescended to. I'm gonna make myself an ice tea." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I will bring you down. Cameron : You can't bring me down. Mitchell : I'll sweep your legs." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There's something wrong with you that the sound of our child in such distress doesn't bother you more." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She is not in distress, And this just proves that you need" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Raccoons slipped into the Lawsons' home and stole a loaf of bread." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Your point?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That we left Lily's window open a crack and those raccoons need something to put between that bread... and that is Lily's \"help me\" cry. I'm coming for you, Lily." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You will not. You're not com... Cameron." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let me go. Hey, stop! Let... let... Let go! Get off me! What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop it! Slow down! Cameron : I will not slow down. Ow! Mitchell : Stop being such a baby!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm coming for you!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ow! Ow, ow." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What? Mitchell : Oh, my ankle. Cameron : Oh, what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "My ankle." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, I guess you didn't kill yourself in the motorcycle today." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I figured you were looking forward to killing me, So I'm" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's dragging me to this bar With some of his old baseball pals. He was supposed to be here at 5:00." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, he's dragging you, huh?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, I figured it would be okay. I mean, I've seen half these guys play, And Javier says it's cool. What? What's the joke?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Nothing. It's just funny to me that you make fun of me" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No one is getting seduced. I'm doing this for Manny." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, yeah, it's very important for Manny that you two go and have a nice picnic in the mountains." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "First of all, it wasn't a picnic. We stopped for coffee. They just" }, { "from": "happened to be selling crepes. Just let me know when he calls, all right? Geez, it's almost 6", "value": "00." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "The kids are so excited for you to come home." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, me too." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, Luke made you a sign." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, he's a sweetie. Claire : Yeah. You seem great. Phil : I am great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Except for that firemen thing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You remember it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, okay. Look, I am sorry. I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ah, no." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sorry. There's no excuse for it. I-I think I just spend so much time in dowdy mom clothes, And I'm covered in paste and peanut butter, And I just... I wanted to feel attractive for a second, you know? I'm sorry. I really..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, I just... just need a little bit of time. Gonna be fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, still fresh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Elaine", "value": "Phil, you're not leaving without saying goodbye, are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Elaine." }, { "from": "Elaine", "value": "Is this your husband?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Elaine", "value": "I'm visiting my sister, And he was entertaining us all afternoon with his card tricks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Elaine’s sister", "value": "Is that Phil? Hey. Elaine : Hey, mom, Phil's leaving. Elaine’s mother : Without a hug? Claire : Wow." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Elaine’s mother", "value": "Brittany, hurry, honey. Phil's leaving." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How's your ankle?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's cold." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry I hurt you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, don't be. I'm... I could have just as easily hurt you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, it's cute that you think that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Listen, Cam, I-I can't always be the bad cop here. I know it's my issue, But she can't grow up with one huggy, happy, cuddly dad and one frowny, lesson-teachy dad. Because guess which one she's gonna ask to walk her down the aisle." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "O... y... Okay, you know what? I can be the bad cop" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Dentist." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Deal." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "As long as you make her practice her violin." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yeah, the violin. I like that." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And we're both walking her down the aisle. Assuming you can walk by then." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ow!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you need to go to the hospital for that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, god, no. No, it's not that bad. Oh, you meant call 911, didn't you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell & Cameron", "value": "Firemen." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, you call and I'm gonna go change my shirt." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "So, if I'm supposed to act like an adult, Is that act like adults I see in the world..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Water weasel!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "...Or the adults in my family? 'Cause if it's the ones in my family..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Come on. Let's go." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Then... How hard could that be?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right, let's do it again. Cameron : We really have to go. Phil : You think I like this?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry. Here. I'm gonna teach you one, okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "On the count of three, just grab this. You ready? Put your hand out." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "1, 2, 3. There it is." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Beautiful morning, isn't it? It's a shame you have to work, huh? Anyway, I would like a large sausage and pepperoni" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, move." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's my stuff! Okay?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just keep your hands off my stuff!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I didn't put my hands on your stuff!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey! Just a second, Derek. What is the problem?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Alex read my journal." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I did not! Why would I even want to read your stupid journal?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Because it contains the details of a life, And yo don't have" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ohh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Alex, don't read Haley's journal. Alex: Uhh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry. My daughters. You got kids? Oh. What grade are you" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, that's my wife, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke was using my computer. For this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm gonna have to, uh, call you back." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He told me he needed it to do homework, And then I find this... A-a picture of a topless woman, With the biggest boobs I have ever seen, Driving a tractor." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, um, uh, first of all, That's a combine, not a tractor." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil! Phil, it is smut, and our 10-year-old is looking at smut! It's disgusting!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Completely unacceptable." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm going to pick up Luke from his sleepover. We need to talk to him about this now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, this is a very delicate situation. If we don't handle it" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Fine. But I am telling him that every time he looks at" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Maybe I should be the one to talk to him." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, ready to go. Mitchell : Oh, make sure you pee first. Cameron : What am I, 7 years old?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, you do not want to go during the show. The marionettes stop what they're doing, March to the edge of the stage, and point at you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, that sounds terrifying." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's really funny." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, one of my favorite childhood memories Was attending the moscow marionette theater." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I grew up one mile away from Missouri's largest water" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, really? Cam, you never mentioned that before." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You feel..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "...Feel like a torpedo." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Cam, does the gardener usually work on Saturdays?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know. He comes when we need him. He's like" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yeah. We should probably... Probably go out the back, huh?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He's clearly in pain. How can you just turn your back" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "A friend? Really? Yeah. W-what's his name?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Cesar sal...Azar." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You made that up. You were gonna say \"caesar salad.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Was not." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam. Come on. Really? ugh. All right, don't worry, Lily. I'm sure we'll get to the show on time. I'm sure dad is just gonna go out and give an encouraging word to the gardener, Hopefully mention the snail problem, And then we are gonna be... No. No, no. Cam, no. Hello." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't think he speaks English." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, this might be a good time to mention to you that the marionettes are not kind to latecomers. They bend over and show their bloomers." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, I speak a little Spanish. ¿señor, te gustaría hacer" }, { "from": "Cesar", "value": "Gracias." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I just asked him if he wanted to have a glass of water and sit down for a minute, Like any kind person would." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I didn't find any more porn." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I should go talk to him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, honey, honey, I got this! I got this! No, no, no, no, no. I-I got this. I got this. I was his age once. Breasts are like these scary mystical things that he's drawn to, like Frodo to Mordor." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I'm definitely going to talk to him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no, no! Boys don't want their moms talking to them about sex any more than girls want their dads talking to them about periods, bras, and girdles and all that stuff." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You do know that women stopped wearing girdles like 30" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, I know. I know. That... that is... that is exactly the kind of sexual revolution That our son is going through right now, So... Just... let's just... just trust it. Fix that step. Just know I will handle this, okay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Del Diablo!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Gloria, do you have any idea why Barkley was in the guest room?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I was just doing a little redecorating. Sometimes it's good" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, but the guest room... that's crazy. He's not a guest. He works for us. Hey, give me a hand here, will you? I think his jacket" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "ay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"ay\"? What was that? Is he all right?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no. My bracelet got caught a little bit here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, don't panic." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm not panicking." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, try to relax. We can fix him. Let me take a better look. Come here, boy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, dad. Hey, buddy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um...Look, You and I need to have a little talk." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "About what?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, it's about computer stuff. Um... How do you make sure you've deleted something after you read it?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Sorry, Jay. It was an accident." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, I'm beginning to think you don't like Barkley that much. I mean, first you hide him in the guest room, And now this. Gloria : It's ridiculous! I didn't mean to hurt it!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "First of all, let's cut the \"its.\" He is a he. And you can pretend" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah. They can be very revealing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you trying to say?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Nothing, but you have to admit that the dog butler is a little ridiculous." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what else I think is ridiculous? That mountain of" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They're pretty." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They're a damn nuisance." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, forgive me for trying to make our home beautiful. Jay : Well, you know, if I can put up with those, you can put up with a piece of art." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "This is not art. It's an unholy mix between man and beast. But fine. If you love it so much, put it wherever you want." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thank you. Where you going, to get some more pillows? Gloria : No, don't worry. It'll be a long time before I bother you again with my pillows." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Why is dad in Luke's room with the door closed?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They are having a little talk." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Is Luke being punished?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is that your favorite thing, When your brother or sister gets into trouble?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "My favorite is when they're both in trouble. So, what'd he" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He did not cheat on a test. Alex: Did he lie?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "He lies all the time." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Sorry. I'm... I'm just worried about Luke. A lot of parents are hitting again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I appreciate your concern, But your father has it under" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "24. 25. Flincher! Free slap. Bring it up." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "29." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Can be on the bottom now?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. How'd it go?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, he was really embarrassed, but everything's... everything's fine now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What'd you say?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, you know, I kind of promised him We'd keep everything between us. Mm-hmm. Matter of fact, He'd be mortified if you brought it up with him... Ever." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god. Really?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That actually makes me feel kind of bad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well... You're probably just feeling a little tense from all this. I know I am. You know what might help the situation?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? Right now?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I meant going out for a few pizzas. Where's your mind? I guess I live in a house full of sex maniacs." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Amigo? We can't help you if you won't come out." }, { "from": "Cesar", "value": "Gracias por invitarme a su casa. Me averguenzo de mis lágrimas." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What'd he say?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Something... House... Something." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, come on! The show starts in a half-hour, and we still have to pick up Manny. Can... can we just... Come on, move this thing along." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, this man is in crisis. He could have a family-" }, { "from": "health issue or a personal-health issue or a financial matter. Mitchell", "value": "Okay, wait, stop. You're getting all this from \"something house something\"? Let's just call Gloria and have her deal with it, okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"it\" is a human being, Mitchell!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Named caesar salad." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, what's going on with you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, you... mnh! You always do this! It's like you're incapable of hearing anyone's sad story Without making it your job to fix it, And then my needs... my needs come second." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Your needs right now are a puppet show. This man" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You understood \"casa.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, fine. If it'll prove to you that I'm not the obsessive help-aholic that you make me out to be, Let's go to the puppet show." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let's go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman", "value": "Ay, ¿dónde está mi novio? Su camión está aparcado fuera." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think this has something to do with the gardener." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You think?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um, just down the hall to the right." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Ay, gracias, gracias. Perdón." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Let's go." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, please... I know it's killing you not to get back there in the middle of that." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no, no, no, no. We are going. These folks can find" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, come on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad, is Manny ready?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Didn't you get the message? He's not going." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, some mandatory cleanup at school." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's the real reason?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's a puppet show, Mitch." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Perfect. All right, it's just you and me, then, Lily." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How's the little fortune cookie? Mitchell : Oh, she's... she's good. She's good. Jay : Where's Cam?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We got into a fight. Because of him, I have a house full of latinos." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Welcome to my world. So, trouble in gay paradise, huh? Mitchell : Well, he just can't say no to anybody who needs help, And why do you have to always add the word \"gay\" where it doesn't belong?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, hey... you're not mad at me. You're mad at the old balls and chain." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, dad, good talk. See you later." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, come on. I didn't mean it. Hey, I didn't mean it. I'm a little cranky. I got into it with Gloria a little bit." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. What happened?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, she hates Barkley. It's the same stuff I went over with your mom all the time... Get rid of the boat, Get rid of the motorcycle. You know, I liked those things." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why do you have to get rid of it, then?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, actually, I don't. Anyway, I'm gluing his hand on over here. His hand came off." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Rough day, dad. Your hot, young wife doesn't like your" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "yeah. Unlike your big problem... \"my boyfriend's too nice to people.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, see... mm. That's not all it is. He... he helps animals." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who are we kidding? We both got it pretty good. Hell, I'm" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "A bird fell out of a tree, and he fed it with an" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just drop it, kid. We're both with people different from us, And that's gonna create stuff, but you want different. Your mom and I were perfect on paper, And you know how that ended. What I got now is a lot better. Sure, people look at us sometimes, And sometimes even I can't believe we're together. But we're happy. At the end of the day, there's no one I'd rather come home to." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You mean Gloria?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who else?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No one. I'll see you later." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "See you, kid." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Did you draw on my poster?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, I did. Maybe you'll think about that the next time you read my journal." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I didn't read your stupid journal, and I waited in line to get" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, don't be such a baby. It's just some dude with weird hair." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's Maya Angelou, you idiot." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ohh, sorry I don't follow the WNBA." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You know what? This is the worst thing you've ever done, and I'll never forgive you!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You started it!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What are you looking at?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, I just heard..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Home already. Mitchell, hi! Hi!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi, Cam. Hi." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did you forget the tickets?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. You know, I was never gonna enjoy the show without you, so..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, but you were so excited to take Lily to see the" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She's probably a little young anyways. We can just prop her in front of the dryer for a half-hour. Listen, Cam, I-I love that you try and help the world. And I-I'm very lucky to have you in my life." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How'd everything work out with the gardener? Cameron : Uh, great. Great. Turned out it was his wedding day, And he was just a little nervous. But you know what? There's no need to apologize to me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I need to. I've been very selfish." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no. Sometimes I take things too far." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, if that ever happens, I will let you know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Is there a reason I can't go inside?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. No, no. No." }, { "from": "Priest", "value": "Y ahora te pronuncio hombre y esposa. La puedes besar." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom, can I talk to you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sure, honey. What's going on?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I feel bad about something I did." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, sweetie. Is this about the computer?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Something you shouldn't have been looking at?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. It was just so freaky. I couldn't stop looking." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know, sweet pea, But the important thing is you did stop looking." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. After about an hour." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Well, it's perfectly normal to be curious about these things." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Some parts were funny." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And some parts just seemed crazy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I hope you realize that some of those parts weren't real." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Obviously. But they can be totally real, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Like Anne Frank's?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "All I know is, it really made me wonder about Haley." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's disturbing, sweetie. Why Haley?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It was her journal." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You read my journal? You little creep!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait, Haley's journal, too? Luke, you are now banned from the computer." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What happened? Who's in trouble?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Luke read my journal! Alex : I told you it wasn't me! Haley : I'm gonna kill you!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, calm down." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What, you're not even gonna yell at him? That was private!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, please. The most shocking thing in there was your spelling." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You read it, too?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Am I the only one who hasn't read it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was looking through the computers in the house for pornography." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Sick." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not for me. I wanted to see what you guys are looking at." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So you're violating our privacy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "When I find out that my children are looking at a naked picture online, They don't have any privacy." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Who was looking at naked pictures?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That doesn't matter." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I wasn't." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It wasn't me! That's gross! I'm 10!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait a minute." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What's wrong with you people?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "If it wasn't you, who was it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mangia!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Rosa, thank you for coming." }, { "from": "Rosa", "value": "Gracias." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Carlos, let me know how it works out with that dentist. Victor, you owe me a dance." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, I'm a caring person, and without Mitchell, I would just keep giving and giving and giving. I'm like a big, runaway charity truck and Mitchell is my of f-ramp full of safety gravel. He knows how to say no. He always can put himself first. He certainly can turn his back on someone's suffering." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um... No, really, keep going." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't keep going!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Gracias. Goodbye. That was nice." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, god! Dad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Looks like I missed the party, huh? Mitchell : What I... what is that doing here? Jay : He is a gift for you and Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He lost his monocle on the drive. His head was out the window." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, they love that. Jay : I'll just put him here for now. Mitchell : I don't want that." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think he's cute. Let's give him a chance." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I came as soon as I heard your message. Did you say that somebody was getting married?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, there you are! I've got good news! What's the matter?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey? Hey. I'm really sorry. That picture was just something that someone sent me. Doesn't matter who. Gil Thorpe. Anyway... I don't do that stuff. You're all the porn I need." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's... Honey, it's fine. It's fine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Now it's fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, buddy. Um... Here, sorry. We'll... we'll dribble later. Um...I just, uh, I just want to say I'm sorry. I never meant to blame you for that whole picture thing. Your mom sort of thought it was yours, And I-I should have stopped it, but I didn't." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "So what was the picture of?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, it was a woman on a tractor, And she had her shirt off." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Was it hot?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, we're being honest here. Um... This particular woman... Well, my tastes do run to the curvy, and the cowboy hat did not hurt one bit. Couple that with the cut-off jeans... And you were asking about the weather, weren't you?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, this is good. This is good. You're gonna be going through some changes soon, And I think now you can feel safe talking to me about whatever." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Butler", "value": "Sadly, I've been summarily dismissed from the employ of masters Cameron and Mitchell... The former being an utter delight, and the latter being a humorless snoot." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just... come on, get him in the car. The thrift shop's" }, { "from": "Cmaeron", "value": "What is this exciting thrift shop you speak of? Many of my relatives were taken out of their homes to be released into the green pastures in their maturity!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did you just say \"maturity\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Unhand me, you brute! I regret nothing! I'll pay you. I'm a comfortable man. I've been stealing from your father for days. Oh, is there any better feeling in the world than having your ears flap in the wind?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what? Get out." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You mean it? Sweet freedom No. No, not you, Barkley. Cameron. Out." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Can people change? Well, that's a... tough one that's a tough one but I would say \"yes\", people can change. That's what I believe, anyway. And I will until the day I die." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You do realize you're proving the exact opposite of your" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See, she's changed. She used to be very supportive about me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on... Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ow! Why is this so loud?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why is this so loud? Make it stop." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, have you seen my blue..." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, Mrs. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, hey, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "You know I can see you, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I did not know that." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Haley is just in the bathroom, she'll be back in just a minute?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "What are we pointing at?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "At the TV." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, no, I'm sorry. It's a home theater." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What so I - I can't point at the TV when I wanna watch the TV?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. You point at the receiver." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's a receiver?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, imagine our home theater system is a human body, so, then, the receiver is the brain. The TV is the face." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know what part you are..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, he says those lies, and a lot many more. His heart Boom! Quadruple bypass, blow the valve." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey! Look who it is!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, there he is." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What a coinkydink. I was just getting some flowers for Gloria for babysitting Lily." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You want me to take them to her?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I would, But I have the most hilarious card for her at home. It's... it's a hunky Antonio Banderas type in silk boxers, and on the inside it says, \"thank you for last noche... but I can't find my pantalones.\" I'm not doing it justice, really. Hi, I'm Cameron." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, geez, I'm sorry. Guys, this is Cameron. He's a, um... a f-" }, { "from": "friend of my son's. This is, uh, Scotty, Dale, Hugo, and Shorty. Cameron", "value": "It's nice to meet you guys. You guys look like a scene out of \"Jersey boys.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ohh, so handsome!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, are you wearing aftershave?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yes. For my date. This will be the first time she will ever smell me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, that must be her. If this goes well, you don't need to stick around." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "Hi, I'm Whitney. I'm here for Manny." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": ": See how that works?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sorry, sweetie." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sorry, daddy. Oh, it's all right. We were just... me and Lily were just using the time to finally figure out how to use the car's voice-command thingy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, here, Check it out. Watch. Cd player, next track." }, { "from": "System’s voice", "value": "Say a command. Mitchell : Cd player, next track. System’s voice : Air conditioner on. Mitchell : Damn it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow, you're worse than your sister with this kind of stuff. It's a good thing Lily doesn't have an ejector seat. Oh, guess what. I ran into your dad and some of his friends." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. And get this... He, uh, he referred to me as \"a friend of my son.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Seriously?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Well, I wasn't offended by it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I am. I mean, w-would he refer to Phil as \"a friend of Claire's?\" no." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I've heard him call Phil a lot worse. Just let it pass. I" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I'm not letting it pass. He needs to know that that's not okay. And if he doesn't like it, he knows where he can go." }, { "from": "System’s voice", "value": "Enter a destination." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hell!" }, { "from": "System’s voice", "value": "Mexican food." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shut up!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I came out of the closet in my mid-20s. I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I'm not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong. Like I had said, \"dad, I'm gray.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And my parents, they always just knew. My mother" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitchell. Hey, you guys know my son, Mitch." }, { "from": "Guys", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Hey, Mitch. How's it hanging there, buddy? That's a great coat. Where'd you get that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, you know, I don't know. It was a gift." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Really? What is it, suede? Microsuede? Some kind of lambskin? It's very soft, you know?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you. Uh, dad, can I talk to you for a second?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be right back. Good seeing you. What's the matter?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, \"a friend of my son\"? That's how you introduce" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's why you came here?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad, it's... it's just more than a little insulting. Cam and I have been together for five years. We... we have a daughter." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's... Look at these guys. They look like they came out of the" }, { "from": "1800s. You see Hugo over there? After lunch, he ordered a sanka. Mitchell", "value": "No, they're... they're not the ones that are uncomfortable with this. You are. You... You've never been completely accepting of me and now that I have a family, it's getting a little old." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "These guys don't understand the gay thing. Why create an" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's weird, because your friend Shorty there... Gay as they come." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You got to be kidding." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mnh, no. My gaydar is never wrong, And it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you talking about, gay? The guy used to be married." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, that makes... no, well, so did Elton John," }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you know what? You know what? Listen to me. You couldn't be more wrong about this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, dad, you could not be more wrong... about a lot of" }, { "from": "Guys", "value": "Yeah! See you! Shorty : That's a great coat! Mitchell : Ping!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Phil Dunphy. Claire : Hey, it's me. Phil : Hey!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Listen, I've got a bunch of moms over here who want to watch the talent-show dvd, and I can't get the sound to work." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Is there a picture?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Be honest. Did you do that thing where you get frustrated and you start pressing all the buttons?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Whitney", "value": "This is so humiliating. I am sorry." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's okay." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "He just seemed so mature online. How could I be so stupid?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're not stupid. Stupid is not following your heart and" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Whitney", "value": "I mean, what kind of 11-year-old talks like that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny's an old soul. Manny : Here, use my handkerchief. Gloria : You see what I mean?" }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "I'll just be alone for the rest of my life, and that's okay. Gloria : No, don't say that. In my country, there is a saying that means, \"love is just around the corner.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Whitney", "value": "Maybe for you. I mean, men must throw themselves at you every day." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They'll do the same for you if you just..." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "Just what? Put out?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, just... like, the lipstick, the hair, push-up bra, you know." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "What's it matter? I'm never gonna be as pretty as you. Gloria : Believe me, this takes a lot of work. You just need to find your inner beauty." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's hiding beneath a mask of insecurity." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "Okay, he's starting to freak me out." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, go play." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, how do these look to you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Like they're dying." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know, right? I said something to the florist, And he said, \"oh, don't worry about it. They're gonna me back.\" they're not coming back. They've crossed to the other side!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You are a funny man." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, because you're completely bothered by the flowers, But when my father introduces you as \"a friend of my son\"... Doesn't faze you in the least." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because the florist played me for a fool. Your dad didn't" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, when I was back east in law school, my dad used to call me every Saturday at 6:00 P.M. Before people would go out, Just, you know, check in, catch up. And then I think the Christmas of my second year, I finally got up the courage to tell him. After that, I-I pretty much just talked to my mom." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't cry." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm not crying." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm home!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're here. This is Whitney. We're giving her a makeover." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "Hi. You have such a beautiful house. Jay : Thanks. Uh, you two know each other how? Manny : She's my date." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course she is. I'll be in here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'll be right back." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm sorry this didn't turn out like you wanted." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "That's okay. Probably didn't turn out how you wanted it, either." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'll tell you what. If neither of us is with anybody in 10" }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "That's disturbing... but maybe." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "How was your lunch with the boys? Jay : Good. Ran into Mitchell and Cam. Gloria : Ay, nice." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And you're not gonna believe this. Mitchell says Shorty's gay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shorty? Yeah, I believe it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, come on!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, he's a great dresser, a great dancer." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That doesn't prove anything." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And he's the only one of your friends that never hits on me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My friends hit on you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, yes, all the time. But don't worry... They're a bunch of harmless old men." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "They're my age." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm sure it's very hard on Shorty to keep a secret like that. Jay, I think you should talk to him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, you're the only one with a gay son. I'm sure he'll appreciate opening up to you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We're guys. We don't \"open up.\" We talk about sports and" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But I'm sure you made it very easy for Mitch to come out of the closet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, I'm gonna finish my makeover... 'cause I care about people... Because I want to help them change their lives. Jay, I'm hinting that you should call your friend, okay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes, I'm getting that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why would you do that to a brand-new, very expensive remote?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because I lost my temper and it didn't work. Therefore, it's" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, honey, when it comes to anything electronic, you're not exactly the best student." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am very smart. I had a 4.0 in college. How about you? Phil : I was almost that despite my substantial time commitment to cheerleading." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I thought we agreed not to bring up the cheerleading." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Phil, I apologize for breaking the world's worst remote... That you bought... stupidly." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Excuse me, But the experts at cnet.Com rated it the best" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow! Well, I have an idea. Let's invite the gang from cnet over and your old buddies from cheerleading And we can have a nerd party." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ling is not a nerd. He built his own helicopter. And if he was" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, let's not talk about ling. It upsets you too much." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know what I'm gonna do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm gonna buy a new remote... the same remote. And just to prove how wrong you are, I'm gonna teach our dumbest kid how to use it in 20 minutes or less." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who's our dumbest kid?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke? No, Luke understands electronics. Haley." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Haley. Teach Haley to use the remote, and then I'll apologize." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Haley?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": ": Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Shorty." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my god. Oh, god." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The flowers... they look so much better. This is a disaster." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You do know what \"disaster\" means, right?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You don't understand. I demanded that they come exchange them. I got all medieval on the florist." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I heard you on the phone, you said you were" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me. I said \"very displeased,\" and I used my cowboy voice, so..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "W-what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm microwaving them so they look bad again." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, that seems a little crazy, doesn't it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no. That's the florist." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Look, relax. Just take them out. I'll get the door. He'll never know the difference. Hi." }, { "from": "Florist", "value": "Florist." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi. Yes, uh, come on in. He's... he's over there with the flowers." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello. I don't know what happened. They just, uh," }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam. Cam..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh! Oh! Oh, god! God! God!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Look at that. Two things flaming at once." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Damn it!" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "You know what the problem is?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "You're not moving your hips. They're frozen." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hips?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Yeah, your hips. They're frozen. Here, let me show you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, it's..." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "No, no, no, no, no. Don't fight me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, Shorty." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Just bring the club back. Go ahead. All right? Now turn those hips. That's it. You just got to relax. You got to open up the stance a little bit. Spad 'em, spread 'em. That's it. That'. If you don't relax, you're never gonna get that shaft where it belongs." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you know what? How about a coffee? Let's get a coffee." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Sure." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now press the button labeled \"activities.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Where is that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's to the right. To the right. And then... and now choose \"watch dvd.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, you got to focus. We've only got 20 minutes. Pretend... pretend the mall's closing." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, this is stupid. I watch tv on my computer. Why do I" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because your mom doesn't think you can." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Nobody can!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Haley, listen to me. Listen to me. I know this seems impossible, But this is for all those times that mom told you she was right... And you knew she was wrong." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'll do it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's my girl." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Shorty", "value": "You know, that guy's got a beautiful stroke. Look at his pants. No pleats. I like pants like that. You think I can get away with something like that?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sure, why not? Listen, Shorty, uh... We've known each other a" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And, uh... I sense that you got a secret that's maybe causing you a lot of anguish." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "You heard something, right?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I had the same situation with my son, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And I didn't handle it too well, either. And, uh... I just want you to know that you can open up to me, That I'm gonna do all I can to help you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Well, I mean, I... I never said this out loud before to anyone, But I guess if I did, it would be you. It's just that, Jay, you see, I'm, uh... ...I'm..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "...I'm in debt." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Huh?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "I owe a bookie 20 g's, and he's a serious guy. And you offering to give me the dough... this is beautiful!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait a minute. You're not gay?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Gay?! What are you talking about, gay? I'm not gay! Where'd you get gay?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, I mean, you're always talking about clothes and" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "My father was a tailor. I like clothes. So what? Are you calling my father gay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "My father landed on Normandy to save your ass. You know, if you weren't lending me 20 g's, I'd knock you out right now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Take a check?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Cash would be better." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Haley, you ready?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Let's do this. Claire : Turn on the tv. Phil : Nice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mute it. Un-mute it. Put it on dvd. Skip forward." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wait. Um... Claire : Okay. Back to tv. Phil : Face!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't get all cocky, Phil. Let's see what happens to little Haley when I do this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ho! Ooh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Face." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, w-what do I do?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't panic. We went through this. Just... just think." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Give up? Give up. Admit defeat." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Haley..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, uh, let's see... You put the remote onto tv mode And then pre input till you get hdmi 1 and... Whoo! I did it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She did it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Fine, you proved your point. Everybody in this house is smarter than me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, honey, you're missing the point. I taught Haley how to" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What's that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See what I'm saying?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitchell, it's me! Mitchell : Hey, dad. Jay : Hi." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm here to let you know your gaydar is broken. Shorty is not gay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. I, um, I knew that. I just, uh... I made that up to" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? That cost me 20,000 bucks." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I reached out to him, you know, to let him know it's okay to be gay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You did?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah... Right after one of the stranger golf lessons of my life. Turns out what he is is a lousy gambler, And now I'm the one on the hook for it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then why are you smiling?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm... I'm proud of you, dad. You're growing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just... just stop it, please? Don't you see how hard this is for me? See, I used to be just like one of those guys. Now look at me. I got a house, looks like little Colombia. I got a gay son and a Chinese granddaughter." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Vietnamese." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Only you would know the difference." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, don't worry, dad. You're not growing too much." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Whitney", "value": "I'm a little nervous." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't be!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm sure you look beautiful. Whoa!" }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "What do you think?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look at you!" }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You gonna be fighting men off with a stick! Whitney ; I don't know about that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Cameron!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hi! Sorry for the pop-over, but I just wanted to bring you these to thank you for babysitting Lily again last night. Gracias. You didn't need to do that. You know I love Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Come in. Say hello." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Cam." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Cameron, this is my new friend, Whitney. Whitney, this is Cameron." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello, it's nice to meet you. That... is a spectacular" }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "This old thing? I don't know..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What about her hair?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my gosh. it's like Barbara Streisand in \"the way we were.\" One of my favorites." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "Me too." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, who is reading \"the forevers\"?" }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "I am." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I am so obsessed with this whole vampire thing right now." }, { "from": "Whitney", "value": "Me too!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I'll see you when I see you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, thanks for com..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, sweetie, wake up." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I need you to teach me to use the tv." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Now? Why can't dad teach you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because we're married." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "That way." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah. And then press..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mmh. I got it. Yeah. Yeah," } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, all right. See you guys next week, huh?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Listen, I want to thank you for, uh, you know, helping me out with that jam, you know." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It was nothing. It was nothing." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "No. No, no, no. And I got you a little present." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, come on. You didn't have to do that." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "No, I did. Two tickets to see the great Michael Bublé. The guy sings like an angel. He's gonna be outside at one of the amphitheaters." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria's gonna love it." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "No. I'm talking about you and me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, you and me?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, well, that's a little, um..." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Yeah, I thought maybe we could have a little picnic since it's outside, you know? I'll get some nice bottle of wine, a little cheese, lay on a nice blanket, all right?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, fine, yeah." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Yo, hey, I like your hair. Who does your hair?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Huh?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Yo, handsome, who does your hair?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm, these pancakes smell great." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What are you doing with those?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Luke and I are doing a recycling drive. If we collect enough bottles, they build a school in Africa." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wouldn't that be so cool to go to a school made out of bottles?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That would certainly be a special school. Did you hear what" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay. Nobody make a big deal about it, but I just broke up with Dylan." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my gosh. Are you okay, honey?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, I'm fine. I just... I need to date someone who has a clue, instead of an idiot who bangs his head every time he rides his bike out of his garage. Every time." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry for both of you. I'll have to text" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. I got to jump in the shower. I'm gonna be late. Luke : Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm going to meet my friend Valerie. I haven't seen her in" }, { "from": "15 years. We used to work together. Luke", "value": "You worked?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I can't imagine you working." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, let me tell you something. That is very offensive to women. Your mom works very hard... Just now, she works for us. Claire : I will have you know that I had quite the little career going. I was an account manager at Starcrest Hotels. I had a little cubicle, And I... and I wore my tennis shoes to work and changed into my work pumps. It was very \"working girl.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's movie's so cl." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. I don't mind saying, I was making quite a splash." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Well, then, why'd you quit?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, Haley, call me old-fashioned, But I wanted to focus on raising a family, so...I married your dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And five months later, we... Were...Four months away from" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Gloria got into a little car accident, So my dad asked me to help her out. And, uh, this is the first time that my dad's asked me for legal advice, and it's... it's nice. It's nice to know that he respects me in that way." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, Mitchell is an amazing lawyer. My dream for him" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why, Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So at parties, I can tell everyone my partner is one of the Supremes." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There he is! The steely, grizzled veteran ready to do battle with the plucky upstart. Speed versus grace. Brute force versus..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's just do this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Phil Dunphy." }, { "from": "Barbara", "value": "Phil, it's Barbara. The Pattersons want to back out of the deal." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why?! What happened?!" }, { "from": "Barbara", "value": "The wife's getting cold feet. I told her to call you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Fine. I'll handle it. I'm not losing this sale!" }, { "from": "Barbara", "value": "By the way..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I've spend way too much time on it." }, { "from": "Barbara", "value": "Um, Phil, do you take Elm when you come to..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I saw it, Barbara." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's a terrific gym, Jay. Very liberal with the towels. I love that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Showers are private, in case you're wondering." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I wasn't, but thanks for the heads-up. Now, that's a surprise... boxers." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is that necessary?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I just always pictured you as a tighty-whitey guy Jay : Well, do me a favor the next time you picture me, leave the underwear out of it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, don't you worry. The only thing I'm picturing is" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is that the best you can do? 'cause it's gonna take a little more" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Our butts pressed against each other." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They didn't press. It was glancing. Stop talking about it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, come on. All the time you've spent in the locker room, this can't be your first moon landing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You got a name for it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's very common. You got off easy. At least it didn't happen after a shower." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Enough." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We call that a splashdown." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's it. I'm changing in the stall. Excuse me!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I saw the picture, Dylan. You had your arm around her with that humpy look you get! No, that's not always how you look! We're over!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, I'd really like to talk to you, Mrs. Patterson and see if we" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I said we are over. Why don't you go out for a nice bike" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dylan again, huh? Some guys just do not know how to play it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, right. Just, uh, test-driving my new soup strainer. I dug it out of the Halloween stuff to see what people think." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Construction guy", "value": "Sorry to bother you, sir. We're doing work next door and nicked a main, so we're gonna have to shut down your water." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, okay. No problem." }, { "from": "Construction guy", "value": "Yeah, it shouldn't be too long. And if you happen to need it, there's a port-a-potty out front." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks. Yeah. Hey. Nice mustache." }, { "from": "Construction guy", "value": "yeah, man. You too, brother." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley... she's the oldest, 15. And then Alex is 13. And that's my baby, Luke. He's 11. Can you believe it?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Oh, my god. They're gorgeous. Yeah. And things are still" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Things are great... great with him." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "I'm so happy for you. Really. I'm so... I'm so happy that you're happy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Well, and you, too. I mean, your life is..." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "No, no, no, no, no. Let's talk about you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Because, you know, you're... You chose the...Mother. You're the mommy, the yomm y-mommy-mama person." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh. Kind of squeezing the ring right into my finger." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Was I? Claire : A little. Valerie : I'm so sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, how's life in the trenches?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "You know, you still got the bastards on the 23rd floor making life miserable for all the people actually doing the work." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Same as ever, right?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "One... one difference. Mm-hmm. I'm one of them bastards now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait, you're on the 23rd floor?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Well, I'm on the 24th floor." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow, that's insane." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "It's... it's no big deal. I mean, if you hadn't left, it probably would have been you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I was driving along this street. The cars were parked just like this, And... boom!... Out of nowhere, he hits me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, so, he... he cut you off." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Right." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "A crazy driver." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, I used to be a little bit like that. I don't know, maybe it's because of Lily, But I've definitely become more considerate. Like, I used to never let people in, and now I do. I'm just now getting that metaphor. Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So, what do you think?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Were there any witnesses?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, just Manny. He was in the back seat." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It all happened so fast, just like they say." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. All right, well, this is what we're gonna do. I'll take a few pictures, and then we'll sit down and write a statement. Gloria : Perfect. I'll go and get us a table." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, come." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh, just a minute, mom. I need to tie my shoe." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Manny : Mitchell. Mitchell : Yeah?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Don't talk. Listen. It was her fault." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm... I'm sorry, what?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Don't look at me. Do something. Take pictures." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny! What kind of cupcake do you want?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh, that's okay! I'm not hungry! That was a mistake. Now she'll know something's up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you okay?!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm fine! She cut that guy off. She's a terrible driver. She's a danger to us all." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Wait. Now stop. I-I thought she said he was" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Everybody looks parked When you're going 100 miles an hour!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Manny, why didn't you speak up?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She can't take criticism about her driving. Once, an old lady yelled at her at a crosswalk. She honked so long the horn ran out." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I've said too much already." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you hearing this?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Aah..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Point." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hinder! Aah! Boom! Lucky shot!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That is game! And, I believe, match." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yep. Fine. You won. But, you know, what do you expect? For the first half of the game, I was distracted by what happened in the locker room." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And you're sure it's not because I'm a fabulous" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're average, but I was a little thrown by you touching me, which is unnatural. Not to you, of course. No, to you, it's like rocket fuel." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, sure. When you're gay, you just walk around" }, { "from": "giving butt bumps to everybody. It's like a high-five. It a low-two. Jay", "value": "You know what? I'm gonna prove that you won only because I was distracted. We're gonna have a rematch right here, right now. Cameron : Do you want to go up against me again?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes. No! Damn it! Hello!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, dad. Uh, did you know that the accident was Gloria's fault?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes. I mean, I wasn't there, But she's a horrible driver. If she" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "If you knew that it was her fault, Why did you get me involved?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because someone has to tell her she's in the wrong, and better" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's great. I... Here I am thinking that my dad actually respects me as lawyer, And, really, you're just throwing me to the wolves." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Can't it be both?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, dad, it doesn't it doesn't bother you in the least that your gay son's the only one tough enough to stand up to your wife?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go get 'em, rocky. See you later." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Your father and I had a moon landing in the locker room!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's the matter with you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What about you? I mean, did you ever get serious with anyone?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Thank you. Oh, no. Not yet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh. Honey, you will." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Oh, no. I hope not. It's... it's fun. I'm sorry. I'm just I'm waiting for some news." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What news?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "I'm... I'm up for the Paris job." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The... the head of the international division?! That's... that's... that's crazy." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Yeah, no, I mean, I'll never get it, but it'd be great, 'cause..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. I-I don't know what jumps out of that sentence more, you know, \"lovers\" or \"one of.\"" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Well, I'm single. I mean, it's kind of what you do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "I have one in Paris." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Um, I have Paris, New York, Miami... I have a fourth one. I'm forgetting my lover. I'm forgetting my lover." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Last night, I vacuumed the radiator thingy under the" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "oh, hey. Hold on. Cross your fingers." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Okay. Okay, thank you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Oh, they haven't made a decision. They're... they're gonna tell me later on." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's not what they said, is it?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Oh, yeah. It is. It is." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Valerie, come on. It's me. What are friends for, if not to be there for you when you get bad news?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "I got it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Aah! I'm the head of Europe!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, you know, for the hotel, Not the continent, But...Yay!" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Kind of, though. Kind of." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why didn't you tell me when you first heard?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Ohh... 'cause, you know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't you come by and meet everybody?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Oh, sure. Yeah, no, that'd be great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I mean, Alex is just a genius, and Haley is turning into this beautiful young woman. and it makes me realize that motherhood is probably the most important..." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "San Francisco. That was my fourth lover. San Francisco." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, look." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just a sec, buddy. I'm on my way out to the bathroom." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Check it out. The Aubreys had this huge party last night, and we got all these bottles to recycle." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's Jagermeister?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um... Well, you know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle. You wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Haley!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Luke, you're spilling it! Luke : Aw, crud!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "God! Aah! Gross! A rat!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Cool." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hang on, I'm coming!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I believe you have something that belongs to me... My heart." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I thought I I.M.'d you to stay away." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Ow! Haley!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "But I love you!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, you should have thought about that before you took that skank Sharon Nicolini to an Anne Hathaway movie!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I didn't take her. She was just there." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So you were just there by yourself at an Anne Hathaway movie! I don't think so!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah! Yeah. I like her movies. She's every woman! Come" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ugh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Maybe we should go over the accident one more time?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Put the ducks on a row. You're such a good lawyer. Mitchell : Uh, yeah, I just want to make sure We're 100% clear on exactly what happened." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, we're clear. I told you. What? You don't believe me? Mitchell : No! No! I just... You know, sometimes. Like, is it possible, maybe, you were driving too fast?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who said I was driving fast?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah. Who?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just... I'm looking at the street, and I'm thinking if you were driving a little fast, It's possible that maybe you didn't see the car..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're like everyone else, huh? You blame the latino" }, { "from": "driver. Where I come from, they always blame the latino driver. Mitchell", "value": "Where you come from, isn't everybody a latino driver? Gloria : Manny, tell him." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I can't 'cause I have cupcake in my mouth." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, come on! Don't blame your cupcake! What? You think I'm guilty, too?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Fine. I don't need you as a lawyer anymore. and if you two think I'm such a bad driver, you're safer walking home! Ciao!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Here it is." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "It's really cute!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. We're pretty proud of it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Here's your stupid CDs! And your clothes! And your poems!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Don't you do it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm doing it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, stop it! What are you doing?!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Tearing out my heart!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, why don't you go get a hickey from Sharon Nicolini?!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "It's from my guitar strap, Haley!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, thanks for reminding me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, it's my daughter Haley and her boyfriend, Dylan, um..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Valerie", "value": "This is a nice color." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Um, listen. this is not normal with all that, nor... Where's that liquor smell? Phil, honey? Oh, my god. Luke? What is that?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Jagermeister. Dad says it makes girls easier to kiss." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened to the rug?! Luke : I had an accident." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Alex, what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm trying to kill a rat." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh..." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Sharon was helping me buy you a birthday present! Don't you get it? I love your ass!" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "I... you know, I-I-I'm late. And I should go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. I know. Yeah And it seems like things have gotten a little wonky around here. I don't know where Phil is. He's definitely... Oh, my god! Alex! Where is your father?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "He went outside to go to the bathroom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh. Oh! It's not usually like this. Oh, gross." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Let's just get married." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You will not regret this decision, Mrs. Patterson. And I'll tell you what... We're gonna have you over to our little house to celebrate, okay? Okay. Buh-bye." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sometime when you get a break, maybe..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire! Claire!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil. Hey. Phil, what are you... what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just concluding a little business. Very successfully, I might add." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Hi. Is that Valerie? Yeah. Whoa! You look fantastic." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come here!" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Oh..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Get over here!" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Okay. I'll..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How long's it been?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "A long time." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my goodness." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Oh, I can't touch you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. A little bit difficult. The gulf divides us, eh?" }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "So nice to see you. Phil : Great to see you, though. Valerie : Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Valerie", "value": "Okay, then." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thanks for coming by. Valerie : It's such a pleasure. Claire : Buh-bye." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks for stopping by. Valerie : You have a beautiful family. Claire : Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She looks great, doesn't she?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is on your face?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "One time! Once! One time I bring somebody home who I want to impress, and what do I find?! A bunch of booze-drenched ill people! You're sitting around in your underwear and... and chasing rats and... and fornicating in the stairwell?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Can I say something?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! No, you can't, Mario. There is nothing left to say but thank you. Thank you all." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ow!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I told you I'd win! Not talking so much now, are you, hotshot? Hope you enjoy that nice hot shower. But it's not gonna wash away the shame of that 15-7 beatdown. You should have seen the look on your face When that drop shot just kissed the wall. Ah. Okay. Splashdown. Got me again. Yep. Make the uptight straight guy all embarrassed, except for one thing doesn't even bother me anymore. I could do this all day. Here. Another one for you. Maybe a couple of them." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jay, I just noticed the sauna back here. How big of a" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Biggest hurry of your life. Scuse me. Scuse me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, if you're going to be stranded, might as well be in a place full of cupcakes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't think you need any more." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay. I'm sorry, guys. It's true. I am a defensive driver." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You mean you're defensive about..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know what I am. Let's go. It's just that I don't like When people just assume that I'm a bad driver. Maybe it was just like a little bit my fault." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you know, I'm glad you can admit that, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay. But I'm still gonna need you as my lawyer, Mitch. Mitchell Why?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Because this one... It was not my fault. I promise you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's what that sound was." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It was the big cupcake." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "That was unreal. Mom was crazy. Luke : I'm scared." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look... I know your mom pretty well. She's fine. I'd be" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, you are so crazy. That song totally rules." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, you're crazy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Crazy right. Phil : Hey, honey. Alex : Hi." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, mom." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No, seriously, dad. It's lame." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Seriously, Luke. It's not. Here, you got some mustard or something on your face. I think I know a little bit about music. I was a deejay in college. I had my own show in the coveted time slot... \"daybreak with Dunphy.\"" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Are you kidding me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I'm not kidding you. And I played Rick Astley." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, that... that's embarrassing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sing it, Luke." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, Mr. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's happening?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Well, Haley and I got into another fight." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Yeah. \"say anything...\"" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Um, \"good morning\"? Phil : No, \"say anything...\" Dylan : \"newspaper.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, Dylan. \"say anything... clutch movie." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "\" clutch movie.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She probably won't be up for a couple hours still." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh, it's okay. It's not that heavy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Happy valentine's day." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, happy valentine's day. Aw." }, { "from": "Claire & Phil", "value": "Ohh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mwah. So, Fratelli's tonight?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hello, cannoli canoe." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I like it. Nice fit. Swanky material." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, you look so strong and sexy, Like an Olympic wrestler but with money." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your turn." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. It's my favorite day in America!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Happy valentine's day, gorgeous." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They're huge! Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, those will work." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Beautiful." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You can wear them tonight. I have a surprise." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't tell me, you're finally taking me salsa dancing! And who's David Brenner?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Only a Vegas legend." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is he a magician? 'Cause I love magicians." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's a comedian." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "A comedian... It's Valentine’s Day. I thought we were going salsa dancing, not to watch a comedian." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're gonna love him. Trust me. The guy's hilarious!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Tell me one of his jokes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, he doesn't do jokes. Gloria : Does he have a mallet? Jay : No." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So, then, how does he get hit in the head?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He doesn't get \"hit in the head.\" He... he makes observations He tells the truth in a funny way. Come on, he's been on \"Johnny Carson\" a hundred times." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who the hell is Johnny Carson?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria and I are from different generations, And I won't lie... it isn't always easy. I mean, last week she thought Simon and Garfunkel were my lawyers." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, I didn't." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It was a joke." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't get it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe that's because there's no mallet." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just stay in Northern Cal... Did you indicate to her\tHow long that you were gonna take?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Happy valentine's day. Mitchell : Happy valentine's day. Cameron : \"happy valentine's day, daddy.\" Mitchell : Happy valentine's day, Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Notice anything different?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, that is cute." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"cute\"? We spent a lot of time on this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't see how. You just cut up one of your boas. Cameron : Actually, no, we repurposed it. It was sort of a \"Bob Mackie meets Martha Stewart\" project. Okay, well, we just thought it would be a nice surprise." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, it's hardly a surprise. I mean, you dress her up for every holiday. I was giving her a bath last night, and I still saw traces of Martin Luther King behind her ear." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All right, not in the spirit. We get it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I'm s... I'm sorry. No, it's adorable. I just\tI'm really" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, you've been rehearsing for weeks. You're gonna be great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let's hope so." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, and I was wondering\tSince you're gonna be in" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, you can open the chocolates." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Happy valentine's day, Mrs. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Dylan, thank you. That is so sweet." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "You know, all women should look as tasty as you when they're old." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Huh. Conflicted." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, baby!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey. Take this sweet gift as a token of my affection, My unending love and admiration." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god! Yay, it's big! Oh my god I love it, it's the most" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Well, seriously you got to put a black light on it. It'll blow your mind." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. Dylan, I didn't know you could paint." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh, I didn't. I just took a photo, and I put it through this program that turns it into a painting." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Oh. So you two a-actually did... that." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Okay." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Let's go put this over my bed." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, no. You don't need to. At all. I'll take it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bye, honey. Claire : See you later. Phil : See you later." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, what is that?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know, we don't have to go to Fratelli's tonight." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, what do you have in mind?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I thought you might enjoy a night at a hotel. Claire : I would. But would you and the kids be okay? Phil : I meant together." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. I know. I got it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So... What do you think?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I think you're not getting any sleep tonight. So you might want to take a nap at work today." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I always do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil? Sweetie. As long as we're talking about being a little bit... naughty, What would you say to a little... role playing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Role playing? Claire : Mm-hmm. Phil : I'm in." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'll set up sleepovers for the kids." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And I'll swing by after work to pick you up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no. Why don't you meet me in the hotel bar and see if you can pick me up there?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Careful, lady, you're gonna wake up a sexy sleeping giant." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or honorable businessman from Hong Kong..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're kinda wrecking it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. It's not a big deal, Claire. I just train tigers for a living. Too... no?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are these rose petals? Cameron : Yes, to commemorate our love. Mitchell : I had to settle." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, your mom might think so, but a lot of people think I'm a catch." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, the case. I-I was this close to nailing it, And then my client gets scared and settles." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry. Maybe you'd like a chocolate. Notice that I" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There were two levels. You know it, and I know it. This is so frustrating. I had one of the greatest closing arguments of all time... All about the big government rolling over the little guy. And I even had this great moment at the end where I would point to the state seal and I'd say, \"shame!\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's what you were doing in the shower. I was a" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, it's fine. It might be nice to have him around. He" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hi, Manny!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "The universe is cold and loveless." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh-oh. Bad valentine's day?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I went for the gold... Fiona Gunderson. I poured my heart and soul into a poem, Left it on her desk. I even burned the edges to make it look fancy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And she didn't like it?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, she loved it. But this kid Durkas told her he wrote it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, Manny, why didn't you just tell her the truth? Manny : She was already gone. And she's on a date with him at my favorite restaurant, Great shakes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How do you know all this?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I invited her in the poem. Right after the line of, \"my love is deeper than the great lakes.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": ": Okay, well, this is unacceptable." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": ": Oh, here we go." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, it's not that big of a deal. This is what we're gonna do. We're gonna shoot over to great shakes, We're gonna get a table, Manny can reclaim the love of his life. You and I can get a couple mudslides." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know. Durkas is gonna be there. I've seen the kid do a pull-up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, Manny, it's valentine's day. It's not the day you" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I like it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "Thank you. Thank you. Scientists, they don't know why this is true, but it's true. Women with big rear ends live longer. Men who tell them that, don't. Did you read about this man... The 91-year-old bank robber in Texas? He goes into a bank, you know. \"What the hell did I want?\" They had over 4,000 photos of him escaping from the bank." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "See? He's funny, huh?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mind if I join you? I'm Clive. Clive Bixby." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, I can see that. I'm Juliana. So, Clive, are you in town for a convention, or do you... just forget your name a lot?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Pretty kitty has nails. I like that. I'm in town for a trade" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow, that is very... specific." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's a fancy way of saying I get things to make noise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Two, please. So, what's your story? The miss America pageant in town?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, you're pretty smooth talker, Clive." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm pretty smooth all over." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Waitress", "value": "Sir, there's no smoking in here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, that's fine. I'm not actually a smok..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're quite the boy scout, Clive. Tell me, would you be interested in earning a merit badge tonight? Do you know anything about tying knots?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I probably shouldn't be talking to you. I'm a married man." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ah. Well, I just so happen to like married men. Tell me about your wife." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, she's beautiful, of course." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? Well, if she's so very beautiful, why are you here with me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because she's always so tired, and she's always making lists" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Maybe if you did them, she wouldn't be so tired." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no, she can make lists for days. But back to your mouth and how sexy it is." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Unh-unh. I want to go back to these alleged lists and your" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I-I'm not talking about you. I didn't mean that. Can we try this again?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. So, if your wife is so beautiful, why are you here" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because... I respect her too much to do to her what I'm going... to do to you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, jackpot. I'll be right back, Clive." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you have eyes on her? Is she here?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "2:00... the blonde at the back table." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yep. Have a visual." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let's not talk like that anymore. Over." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, this is it. I'm off to win the heart of my beloved. Cameron : Well, this is nice. I mean, if we can't have our own valentine's day, It's nice that we can give somebody else one." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, Cam... I'm sorry. I'm so... I'm sorry I have not" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, buddy, how'd it go?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I can't do it. Not while Durkas is there. He has the natural confidence. I admire it and fear it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We will deal with him directly. We need a plan." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Could you be more dramatic?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "In Oregon, the state legislature ratified a bill that from now on it is a crime to have sex in Oregon with a farm animal. How ugly are the women in Oregon?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's funny, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "See? I can tell... you're not... you're not from Oregon." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no." }, { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "You... you are gorgeous." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "Thank you for bringing your father to the show." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm... I'm her husband, Dave." }, { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "No kidding?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "What's it like to be married to someone who was there when the bible was written? What was it called then, just \"the testament\"?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's... that's good stuff." }, { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "Oh, now he's trying to turn out the light." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Durkas", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, yes, hello. Mr. Durkas?" }, { "from": "Durkas", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, yeah, this is Don Jolly With the great shakes corporate office, And I have good news for you. You have been selected to take part in a random survey that you could win cash and prizes. Does that sound like something you'd be interested in? Durkas : Yeah. Sure." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, just a few simple questions for you. Would you" }, { "from": "Durkas", "value": "I don't know them by heart." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There should be a menu right there to your right. To your right. Mm-hmm. There you go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Fiona", "value": "Oh. Hi, Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hi, Fiona. Can I join you?" }, { "from": "Fiona", "value": "I guess so." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "And you don't have to worry about him cheating... That's for sure... Because if he does, you'll catch him when he comes home with two sets of teeth in his mouth." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "So, tell me, on the wedding night, what did he do? Did he say he wanted to change into something comfortable and go into a coma?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, ah... Listen, I got to use the men's room." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I got to use... I'll be right back." }, { "from": "David Brenner", "value": "Where you going? Wait a minute. I'm only joking. That's what I do. You know, you're way younger than I am. You just don't look it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Clive. I have a little something for you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What is it? Claire : My dress. Phil : Oh..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "My bra." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my g... Claire : My underwear. Phil : My god." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. What do you say we take this upstairs? Phil : This is so much better than cheesy garlic bread. Claire : Mmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Durkas", "value": "Chocolate. Cameron : Uh-huh. Go on. Durkas : Vanilla." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm taking copious notes. Keep going, Mr. Durkas." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Would you be more or less inclined to visit a great shakes establishment if you knew your satisfaction was guaranteed?" }, { "from": "Durkas", "value": "That's a dumb question." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me, it is not a dumb question, mister... Tarnation. He hung up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Then you can drop the accent." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Durkas", "value": "Delgado. What are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Discussing poetry. Maybe you'll like to recite some of yours?" }, { "from": "Durkas", "value": "I'm not gonna recite anything." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Just admit... you didn't write the poem." }, { "from": "Durkas", "value": "I don't know what he's talking about. Get out of here before you get your butt kicked." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm going over there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I got this. Whoa! Whoa! Sir. Sir? Turn around. Sir... You have no right to claim ownership of another person's work." }, { "from": "Durkas", "value": "Who are you? Mitchell : I'm a lawyer. Durkas : You have a lawyer?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It is one thing to lie, But then to bully this young man... It's unforgivable. And this is wh wrong with the world today. The big guy... Until the little guy says \"enough.\" And that what this little guy's doing, Right here, right now." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Could we stop calling me \"little guy\"? I'm in the 40th" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shh, I got this. Okay, thank you. Ted Durkas... Clearly did not write that poem. I know it. He knows it. Deep down in your heart, Fiona. You know it, too. Shame!" }, { "from": "Durkas", "value": "Fine! Whatever. I stole the stupid poem!" }, { "from": "Fiona", "value": "You did?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I told you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There you go." }, { "from": "Durkas", "value": "I only did it because... I had the feelings. I just didn't know how to show them." }, { "from": "Fiona", "value": "Really? That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me. Manny : You've got to be kidding me. Let's get out of here. This chick's crazy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Seriously. I've never seen you like that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You have no idea how good that felt. Cameron : Well, happy valentine's day, counselor. Phil : This is all happening so fast, Juliana." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. And I have to be home to my husband by midnight." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ooh, a twist." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil! Phil? My coat is stuck!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Who's Phil?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, not now. Seriously, my coat is stuck!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, honey, take off your coat! Claire : Are you kidding me?! Pull it. Phil : Oh, my goodness." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Pull it. Not good. Not good. Not good! Not... Okay. Okay. Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on up. Treat 'em like they're regular stairs." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on through. Happy valentine's day. You look lovely. So do you. Not in a weird way. Let met just get in here. Let me get in here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Tom", "value": "Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Tom!" }, { "from": "Tom", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How are you? Honey, Claire, you remember Tom Mickelson from the office, and his wife, Susan." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi. I do. Hey. Tom : Is your coat stuck? Claire : It is. It really is." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's in there pretty darn good." }, { "from": "Tom", "value": "why don't you take it off?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um...I'm freezing cold." }, { "from": "Tom", "value": "Well, at least let me give it a shot, okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I don't think..." }, { "from": "Tom", "value": "No, no, no, no, I got it. I..." }, { "from": "Principal Balaban", "value": "Mr. And Mrs. Dunphy?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Principal Balaban! Hey. How are you?" }, { "from": "Principal Balaban", "value": "Hi. Who's, uh, Clive Bixby?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Uh... He makes speakers. He's actually in town for a trade show." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Principal Balaban", "value": "Oh...My. Are you stuck?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I am. A...Little bit." }, { "from": "Principal Balaban", "value": "Why don't you take off that coat?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, I'm chilly." }, { "from": "Tom", "value": "It's really jammed in here." }, { "from": "Principal Balaban", "value": "Let me... Phil : Oh, no, I think we're okay. Miss Passwater : Mrs. Dunphy!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Are you kidding me?! Hi! Luke's math teacher, miss Passwater!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Passwater.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, Jay, papi. Don't pay attention to what he's saying. He's just being funny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because he points out the truth. Those people were laughing" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What do you care what they think?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't. I care what you think." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I love you. You're my valentine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, for now. But what about when I'm 80 and I' a wheelchair, on oxygen? You still gonna want me?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you think I'm so shallow that I'm gonna leave you when you're old? What if I gain 100 pounds? You gonna leave me then?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's with the pause?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, it's not exactly fair. I mean, I have to get old. You don't have to get fat." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If I want to get fat, I get fat." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, fine. And if you do, I'll be there. You'll see." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, yeah, watch me. Watch me how I get fat! I can get fat." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And I'll be there." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm. Good. You want to go back in?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. I got a better idea. Let's go salsa dancing. This guy's not that funny." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Perfect." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're good! We're good! I talked to maintenance. They're... they're coming, so go on ahead." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See you guys. See you later. See you at school? Good to see you guys. Maintenance is gonna take care of it. So we're fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Okay, how long till they get here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I was faking it. No one's coming for us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, then, go and get them! Hurry! That was the most embarrassing moment of my life!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Claire! Phil! Stand by." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? Did you get your belt stuck?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I did. Yeah. Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, take your coat off. Here, let me help you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no, dad, dad..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, what are you, naked under there? Oh, geez." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's okay. I got this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "O...Kay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Claire, follow my lead, okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Okay. Wow. Okay. Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It has happened to me before." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That was impressive." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Take it down a notch, \"Clive.\" You okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I'm good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right. Happy valentine's day." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Happy valentine's day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See ya." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Bye." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good night." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Sorry. See you guys." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. I just wanted to tell you how great you were last night." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, Phil..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry I got the, um, the oil everywhere, but, hey..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They're not our sheets, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, honey, remember when the salesman told us that the sienna was built with the whole family in mind?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, the whole family just heard that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, well, I guess... I guess the bluetooth works." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why did you have oil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because, buddy, we... we were making French fries!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "In your room?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't you guys pop in a DVD ?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What am I most afraid of? Hmm.., let's see." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Global warming. And getting a \"B\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The phone ringing in the middle of the night." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That I'm too much of a perfectionist." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, this isn't a job interview." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, man. Job interviews." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, right. What about the pigeons?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I don't like them. They're shifty." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Losing Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh! Hotel bedspreads." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Never getting my driver's license. Or getting one and the picture sucks." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Dying alone." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Haley, sweetie, did you find your shoes?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, please, not today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I just wanted to know if you found your shoes." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why are you hounding me? I'm freaking out right now!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You need to relax. It's just a driver's test." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's my third driver's test, and if I fail again, I have to wait six months to retake it. That's six more months of you driving me everywhere." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "And then I'm like, \"there's no way I'm wearing that.\" And she was like, \"well, if you don't wear it, then you can't play.\" \"like.\" And then I was like, \"well, you know what? That's fine by me.\" Claire : Honey!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"like.\" And she was like, \"well, if you don't play, then...\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Stop! Stop saying \"like\" all the time!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You're embarrassing me! Stop it!! Like, like, like, like, like!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Haley, found your jacket. Haley : Why is everyone on me?! Alex : God!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ignore her. She can't focus on two things at once." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Always a good quality in a driver." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, we need to get you some shoes for the dance tonight." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, we don't. I'm not going." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you talking about? Why would you not be going to the dance?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Because school dances are lame. A bunch of immature boys" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ready to go down under, mate?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil and Luke", "value": "Treasure hunting." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I bet it's really cool old magazines." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Or a bunch of necklaces made out of animal teeth." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Or bugs frozen in amber." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What if it's really expensive bottles of wine?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Or a suit of armor." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What if there's ancient Indian arrowheads under there?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What if it's gold bars?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, you think?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, cam. Cam, where did we get this dolly from? Cameron : Oh, from Janice and Olivia. They brought it over yesterday. Lily loves it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It seems a little frilly, you know, coming from them. Cameron : What, because they're lesbians? That's sort of an offensive stereotype, don't you think?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, I suppose. I'm sorry. Oh, hey, did they bring back" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, it was too big, they were on the motorcycle." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We got off to an awkward start with our pediatrician, A very nice asian lady..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Irrelevant." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "...Named dr. Miura, So I took the bold step of inviting her over for brunch." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry, uh, \"bold\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She said no patient had ever done it before." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, subtext... \"this is weird.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I didn't hear any subtext." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you hear any now?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't even know why we're doing this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because what if Lily gets sick and there's a tamiflu shortage? Who do you think's gonna get that medicine? The patients she likes, that's who." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, maybe if you bake her a cake, She'll give us free x-" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's all about making connections. Why do you think the dentist gives me all that free stuff?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, because he's a huge queen and he has a big crush" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I have a fever." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, mi amor, come here, and I feel you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, I don't want you to get you sick. It could be fatal." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then by all means, stand next to me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Let me feel you. Ay, papi, but you're not warm." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh, probably because you were cooking and your hands are warm. I'd better skip the party tomorrow just to be safe." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, yeah, the party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I understand about 20% of what goes on around here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The party is at an amusement park, And Manny is afraid of roller coasters." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Poor kid." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know where he gets his fear from, Because his father's not afraid of anything... No bulls, no heights, no helicopters, no fast cars." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "But go to dinner with him and wait for the check to come." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Excited?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're like Ponce de Leun and his son. Little Ponce." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Who's that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Famous treasure hunters." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "His name was Ponce? He'd get made fun of at my school. They'd probably call him \"pants.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ahahaha! \"Pants.\" Or maybe, um, \"fancy Ponce.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's a good one." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right. Let's do this. oh, hey, wow." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You okay, dad?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Let's do this, buddy. Okay, good recon. Got the lay of the land, so..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Aren't we going in?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. We are, but won't it be fun if we did it with ski goggles and barbecue tools?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I guess." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, let's do that." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "All right." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Can I just say, that is a lovely outfit?" }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Oh, thank you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, it's just nice to see you out of your lab coat. You actually have quite a nice figure." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend," }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Lily looks great." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you think so? Shouldn't she have more teeth? I see these kids running around at the park, and they look like sharks." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Don't worry. She's perfect. Aren't you, Lily?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, look how calm she is with you. She's usually very fidgety around new people." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I just think she senses you're gonna be a good" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Mommy!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did she just... did she just say..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well! Her first word was every gay father's worst nightmare." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mommy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But I know that Manny's sad because he's missing the pa Why don't we take him somewhere to take his mind off it, hmm? Jay : I could have guessed he'd have trouble with roller coasters. That kid gets woozy at barbershops when they spin his chair towards the mirror." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How about we take him to the pier and go fishing, huh?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He likes to fish?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah. He comes from a long line of fishermen and smugglers. But I encourage the fishing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny, you like to fish?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Fishing? Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You want to go to the pier today?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Is this a trick to see if I'm really sick?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, maybe the fresh air will make you feel better." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, then, yeah, 'cause there's no place where I'm more at one with..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just get your coat." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Are you nervous?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Shut up, Alex." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I was just asking. I'd be nervous if I were you. Claire : Alex, leave your sister alone. She's gonna be fine. Haley : As long as I don't get the same guy. He's so mean! Alex : You probably will." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You won't." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He hates me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He doesn't hate you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He yelled at me." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You drove into the bushes." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, no, it's him. Please don't be for me. Please don't be for me. Please don't be for me. Please don't be for me. Hi. Oh, thank god." }, { "from": "Driving Test Man", "value": "Well, come on. I don't have all day." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm gonna throw up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, no. This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna get in that car, put on your seat belt, And take three deep breaths and relax. This guy sees hundreds of kids every day. He probably doesn't even remember you, all right?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay. Okay." }, { "from": "Driving Test Man", "value": "Yo! Let'move it, two strikes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's more than three breaths, honey." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "See how much better this is? The truck goes in, it gets video, and then we get a preview of whatever's in there. How ingenious is that, huh" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you too scared to go in?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why would you say that?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, when you stuck your head in, you screamed a little. Phil : I told you, that was the house settling. Besides, this is so much cooler. This is how NASA does it. Now, hand me the itty bitty booklight. Yeah. Final piece of the puzzle. Blast off!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How are you supposed to steer if you don't know where you're going?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stay in the present, buddy. Got to do it by feel. You got to get" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Did you just lose my truck?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You just lost my truck!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I didn't!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That was my truck! Grandpa just gave it to me!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I told you to stay in the present!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Stop yelling! Truce?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "This is delicious." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, thank you. The recipe's from the now-defunct gourmet magazine. Why do all the things I love go away?" }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Look, I don't even think she said the \"m\" word. Cameron : No, we heard it. It was clear as day. I-I just don't know what we've done wrong. I quit my job so I could stay at home with her, but maybe it's not enough. Maybe we're not providing her" }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Yeah, I wouldn't be too concerned about that. Cameron : You -- you know it's because you're Asian, right? Mitchell : Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I'm sorry. What, am I just supposed to ignore the giant panda in the room." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Pandas are from china. I -- well, it doesn't matter. Mitchell : Okay, okay, um, I think what my hysterical partner is just trying to say... And if I may... That for the first six months of her life. Lily was raised by very loving Asian women in an" }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "You guys are overreacting. I'm sure Lily just strung a" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do... do you really think that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Of course! Yeah, she... she's right. She's right. We're being ridiculous." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're being ridiculous. Your daddies are being" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Mommy!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Mr. Tucker?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no, she's - she's - she's made her choice. She's made her choice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "Uh, left turn." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Here?" }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "At the intersection, yeah." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "Left." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "I said, \"left.\" you're going right." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wait! No, wait! I'm trying, okay?!" }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "Pull over." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, I can do this!" }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "Pull over now! Why are you crying?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "why do you hate me?" }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "Oh, hell. Haley, I don't hate you. You seem like a nice girl. You remind me of my daughter, which is why I want you to live a long and happy life and be safe, and not hurt my daughter." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I really want my license. I've been practicing a lot, I swear." }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "You gonna drink and drive?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, sir." }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "You gonna text and drive?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, sir." }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "All right. Let's start this from the beginning. Haley : Could you smile first? I'll be less nervous if you smile. Okay, that didn't help." }, { "from": "Driver Test Man", "value": "Just go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Today feels like a good day for halibut. Hey, Jay, did I ever tell you about the time I used peanut butter and jelly for bait and I caught a thresher shark?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don’t know, you tell me a lot of funny things." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why are we going this way?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's just another way to . Manny : Uh-oh. Something's going on. Jay : What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wake up, old man. She's trying to get me on that roller coaster." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, she's not. Gloria : Yes, I am. Jay : What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Told you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, you have to face your fears." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? That's why we're here? But why didn't you let me in on your little plan?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Because you're the worst liar. He would have seen right" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't want to go on the roller coaster." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, you were afraid to light the barbecue, But now your eyebrows have grown back and your salmon is legendary." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What if I fall out?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I will catch you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's not possible. He would crush you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "W-what if I throw up?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I will clean it up. It wouldn't be the first time." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, geez, these are new shoes." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're not gonna let up, are you? Gloria : Baby, I think you know the answer. Manny : Fine, let's get it over with." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's my boy!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Vamos, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, I'm not going on that. That's bad for my back." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Your back is fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, I got an inner-ear thing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, please. Don't tell me you're scared, too." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Scared? What - what is this scared stuff? What... what am I, a child? I'm not scared." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You see? You're the worst liar." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, if he's not going, I'm not going." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, for god's sake, fine. I'll go alone. Here, take my girly purse. And you, my floppy hat. And if you need it, there's the ladies' room." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm not man enough to fight this. Here, hold my purse." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, hell!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "What is taking them so long?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know. The only reason I'm not panicking is a giant geiser. You know, honey, I think I know why you don't want to go tonight." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Because school dances are lame?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, 'cause you don't know how to dance." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's not it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can help you with that. Come on." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, god. No! Claire : Come on. Alex : No! Mom!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah, back in the day, I was quite the dancer." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my god, you and dad together suddenly makes so much sense. Mom! Mom, stop! Stop! Please, stop. I know how to dance. I just don't want to be part of that freak show." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetheart, you're a beautiful girl, someone will ask you" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I know that. It's just stupid. Claire : Somebody will ask you. Alex : Why do you keep saying that? Claire : Somebody will ask you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "But what if they don't?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, if they don't, then you do the exact same thing I told your sister, okay? Take three deep breaths and relax." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Even the advice I get is a hand-me-down." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, I did it! I passed!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aah! Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I got my license! I got my license! I got my license!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, car's not in park. Oh, oops. You better run to that counter. Go. Run! Run! Right now!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I still can't believe you lost my truck." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's gone, buddy. Let it go. You know, maybe it's better we don't solve this little mystery. Sometimes treasure's more sparkly" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Do you really think there could be pirate maps under" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm 100% sure it's possible." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "All right. I'm going in. Phil : What? Really? Buddy? Luke : Whoa!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What do you see?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Nothing. It's really dark in here. Wait a minute. I think I see my truck. It's right over there by the... uh-oh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I-I think I'm stuck." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How are you stuck?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "My belt loop got caught on a pipe, and it's hot!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Have you tried wiggling?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad! It's hot! Hurry!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm coming, buddy!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And hurry! There are spiders in here!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! Coming!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And I'm sorry if we got all weird in there." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Oh, it was fine." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, we'd like to say it's different than how it usually is, but you've seen us enough to know that that's not true." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "Guys, listen. I had a very complicated relationship" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ohh" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "And if you ask me, Having two fathers who care as much as you do makes lily the luckiest little girl in the world." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, thank you so much." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you. Thank you for that. That's very sweet. Thanks. Thank you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And how are things with you and your mom now?" }, { "from": "Dr Miura", "value": "ugh. The only way she'll be happy is if I'm some Asian stereotype, But that just isn't me. I didn't see those!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm coming, buddy!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Over here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's a spider web. Oh, god." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Everything's gonna be okay. Hey, everything's gonna be okay. There!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks, dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, just what dads do. Let's get out of here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I want my truck." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It was a Christmas gift! Could you go get it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, sure. Scoot. Scoot through. There it is. Got it. You okay?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know what? I am okay. Hey! Hey. we did it!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Whoo-hoo!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What the heck? We're down here. Why don't we see what we got, huh?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Two intrepid explorers... Make their way on a journey..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dead bodies!!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You like it, jay?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I did it! Whoo!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Bye!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Eyes on the road!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Love you!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Eyes on the road!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Whoo-hoo!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I mean, things don't always work out." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam, I think she wants her doll." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know where it is. Doll : Mommy. Mommy. Mommy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "When you squeeze the doll, it says, \"mommy.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did -- did you know that -" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No clue." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The doll says, \"mommy.\" The doll says, \"mommy. \"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The doll says, \"mommy!\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey dad? Mom says there's an old trunk in the attic." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah, my grandpa's old steamer trunk." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "In this movie I saw, there was this old trunk, And there was a secret compartment, And when you opened it, there was a whole bunch of paintings by the world's greatest painters hidden in the war." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My grandpa was in the war." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Should we go up there?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Totally. It could also be diamonds." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Or a samurai sword." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or the declaration of independence. You know, it almost doesn't even matter what's up there. What matters is what you do with the money from what's up there." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We could get a motorboat. Phil : Or a robotic gutter cleaner. Luke : Or an indoor pool." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or a two-man submarine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, honey, Hugh grant has a..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not in..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "okay, well, Alex has a cello lesson at eleven and junior congress at noon." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Doesn't she also have no boys at forever?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Don't you have an eating disorder you need to attend to?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, anyway, uh, we could see the 4:00 or the 6:20." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, actually, that's no good. I'm meeting my friend Denise for a drink?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Denise? Do I know Denise?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, you know, my old girlfriend." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god. Gross. I can't even picture you with a woman." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You had a girlfriend before mom?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Try two. Trust me. I had plenty of fun in my time. And then I met your mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, uh, I guess she travels around selling makeup For a cosmetics company. She's in town for a week." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You mean she's like a door-to-door salesman?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "If you were doing it, They'd call it a dork-to-dork salesman." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh! My boy strikes like a rattlesnake!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, yeah? Well... well, you..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. All right, well, we can see the movie tomorrow. Come on. It's time for your lesson." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You mean her second lesson, because she just got schooled." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's wrong with me today?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Shake it off, champ. It's not your day." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay. Good morning, papi." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Is it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Aw, you're still sad because of that audition." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "That part was mine. I was born to play Tevye. Instead they give it to Rod Jackson? What does he know from suffering?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How we doing?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "A little better, But we're gonna go and throw ice cream at the problem." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, if that doesn't work, this should do the trick." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "\"what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We can hang this in your room. You can see it every morning, start to internalize it. Pretty soon, nothing will keep you down." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "But it's not true." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Lots of stuff that doesn't kill you makes you weaker. My friend's grandfather had a heart attack. Now he needs a machine to breathe." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I've seen him at the supermarket. Now he needs to drive" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, that's right. Be negative. Gloria : It's just not a good poster, Jay. Jay : You're only making me stronger." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did you pack the, uh, bread for the ducks?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Not the whole-wheat kind. The ducks don't like that." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "They're ducks, Mitchell. They don't care." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We both believe that animals Should play a big part in Lily's life. Having grown up on a farm, I was surrounded by them. They were more like brothers and sisters than just, you know, livestock." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Delicious brothers and sisters." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Life on a farm... they know what they're getting into." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Eesh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't answer it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I have to." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's like this every Saturday. Just ignore it. Mitchell : Well, maybe it's not that this time. Hello? Cameron : Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, there's four of them, Mitchell! They're giving her little duck kisses, and she... oh, she's laughing! I can't believe you're missing this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, why not, Cam? I've missed everything else. She" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, just tell them you're not coming in. You do" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you know that, I know that, you know? The only one who doesn't know that is my sucky boss. He's the suckiest suck of all time. He's a miserable son of a bitch who... May have heard everything I just said." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi honey! When are you getting together with your gal pal?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Actually, I was just checking on that. She's supposed to send" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh. You're Facebook friends." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sure am. Oh... She's one of my 447 friends. Everybody wants a slice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How long have you two been in touch with each other?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, she tracked me down about a year ago." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Mm, mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? What's... what's that sound?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Nothing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. There she is right now. \"how about we meet at Le Reve at 7:30?\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, that sounds innocent enough. I mean, drinks with an ex-girlfriend at an intimate French restaurant." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, you're doing that thing where you say what I want" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let me guess... Denise isn't married." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Recently divorced. What's the big deal?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Phil. You can't be that naive. Seriously, women in their 30s on the internet are like... They're like ninjas. They get in their little black outfits and try and sneak their way into your marriage." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's not Denise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here, read some of her messages. You're gonna feel silly. Go ahead." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"hey, Phil. How's it goin'?\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You can't add the sexy voice. \"hi, Phil. How's it going?\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"so glad to hear your neck is better\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you seriously jealous?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! I am not jealous at all. I just happen to know women better than you do, and that woman wants a slice." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, just to prove how wrong you are, I'm gonna invite her" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Fine with me. Just hope it's fine with Denise. \"gee, Phil. I really had my heart set on Le Reve.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That voice doesn't bother me. Kind of like it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, has he been acting weird around you? Mitchell : No, no. I've been avoiding him all morning. Cameron : So you don't even know if he heard you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, that's why we're doing this. Hey, where are you? I only have a half-hour for lunch." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello, handsome." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, so, uh, this is where it happened. Just, um, turn off the phone, roll down the window, and we'll… we'll see if you can hear me. Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Go around! We're re-creating a faux pas! Thank you!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. C-can you hear me now?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, yeah, but just barely. Is this how loud you were talking?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, well, it might have been a little bit louder. There" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You almost had to what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shout." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Little bit louder now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shout!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Little bit louder now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shout!!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "* hey, hey, hey, hey *" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really, Cam? My job is at stake here and… Oh, w-who are we kidding? You can obviously hear me. I am so screwed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny? Manny, come here a second, pal." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Huh?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I got some bad news, buddy." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What is it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, there's no easy way to say this. Shel Turtlestein is dead." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What? How?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I was down here reading the paper, And I heard this commotion up in your room, so... So naturally I go running up there. And this mangy raccoon had busted through your screen. He must have scampered up to where Shel was. By the time I walked in, he had him... The little bastard had him by the neck, shaking him. Gravel's flying everywhere. He didn't even flinch. He just stared at me with that smug look and then bolted. If only I'd have got here earlier." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "May I see the body?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Baby, are you sure that's a good idea? Manny : It's something I have to do. That's him. Jay : Sorry, pal." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It just doesn't make any sense." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yep. Only the good die young." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "But in school we lead raccoons are nocturnal. They sleep during the day." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They sure do, and this one must've got up for a midnight" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I guess so. Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It all adds up." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't think I can be in here right now. Too many memories." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He'll be okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You lie." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm Colombian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one! Jay : I was hanging up the new poster. And it fell on top of him. It was an accident." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You have to tell him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. I've been through this before. When Mitchell was 9, I was supposed to take care of his bird. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "My god. How many pets have you killed?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just the two. I took the heat on the bird. It was a big mistake. To this day, Mitchell looks at me, I see him thinking, \"that's the guy who killed Fly-Za Minnelli.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And what if he finds out? Then what? You'll be the guy" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's not gonna find out, because I covered my tracks." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Fly-za Minnelli?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How did I not know that kid was gay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, Luke! Big day for you, huh?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Because you get to meet your real mom." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We all made a pact we'd deny it until you turned 21, But that's the real reason dad's old girlfriend is coming over. She's your mom, and if she likes you, you'll go live with her." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm not adopted. I'm asking mom." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "You mean Mrs. Dunphy? She's not going to tell you the truth." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I-I-I'm not..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Unh!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just 'cause he called you a dork-to-dork salesman?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "The empire strikes back." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Raccoons have five toes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't mean to bother you. It's just confusing. The footprints in my room only have four toes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, I bet I know wt happened. I'll bet he lost those toes" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "One toe from each foot?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe. Y-you know, Manny, I think the only thing that's gonna get you to stop asking all these questions. is for you to have a little closure." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I'd like to throw a little memorial for Shel. It'll be good for all of us. That way, we get our grief out, and then we never have to talk about this ever... ever again." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hi! Oh, careful, there's a thing. Ooh. That's a... good to see you." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Hi! Hi! Oh, my gosh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, I'm Claire. You must be D... o-kay. Whoa. Okay. Denise. Oh, and you're even prettier than the pictures that Phil's always posting." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just a couple." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Shut up. Every week. He loves showing you off. My boyfriend likes your Acapulco pictures Probably a little too much. Claire : Well, thank your boyfriend for me. Sure. Come on in. Please." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Oh, I brought you, um, Some lifting intensifier. Not that you need it. It's a limited edition, so..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, Denise, I think you might know these people. That's Haley... Hi. ...Alex, and..." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Luke! Ohh! I had curly hair just like that when I was" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "So? That doesn't mean anything!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't we, uh, come on in, have a seat? Please." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So, what was my dad like in high school? Denise : Only the most amazing breakdancer ever. Phil : Uh-oh. Don't fire it up. What? What? Uh-oh." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "He had a boombox and a piece of cardboard in his locker. And what was your dance name?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "O-zone. Yeah." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "I drove him to a \"star search\" audition." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Which is totally political, by the way." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "O-zone. That is dead-ass funny. I'm so calling you that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Wow. You really lucked out. You have a beautiful wife... a gorgeous house, and those kids. I could take Luke home with me. Claire : Well, be my guest. Seriously, you go right ahead." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No! I like it here! Unh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, honey, will you go find out what's wrong with your brother?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "You know, um, it's okay, I think I'm just gonna use the, um..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah, of course. Down the hall, left-hand side. You" }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, she's fantastic." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. I feel awful. Who assumes the worst about people?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I first noticed it seven years..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're not." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "I'm such an idiot. Is it..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I'll show you. Yeah, yeah, yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Denise", "value": "Okay. Thanks." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "So, how are we gonna do this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I-I thought I'd just point at the door, So I was thinking, like... Denise : I was thinking, too. Here... is my hotel-room key. You can come by whenever you want." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was funny that morning, huh? When I... when I pulled up next to you at that stoplight?" }, { "from": "Mitchell’s boss", "value": "Funny?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Because I was on the phone with my partner, talking about how horrible his boss was -- his. And then, uh, you pull up, so..." }, { "from": "Mitchell’s boss", "value": "Anyway, I'm glad I ran into you. I'm getting" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, it's... it's fine. I just, uh.\tpicture of my daughter" }, { "from": "Mitchell’s boss", "value": "Yeah, they do that. It's a big day. Anyway, I need you here tomorrow. Now, I know it's a Sunday, but, uh, you think you can be on time, okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Actually, um I-I have plans tomorrow. Uh, so I won't" }, { "from": "be here. I-I have plans to stay at home with my family and do absolutely nothing, okay. But I will see you on Monday. Mm-hmm. Mitchell’s boss", "value": "So so you're in charge now, is that it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I-I just figure if my daughter can stand up, then so" }, { "from": "Mitchell’s boss", "value": "All right, look... We've all been working hard lately, okay? But that's the job. So either come in tomorrow, or don't bother coming back again." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Hmm. Need the, uh, I.D. To...make the elevator" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But we want to hear it. Jay, why don't you read it? You were with him at the end. Remember?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"Shel Turtlestein was many things, but above all, he was my" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Manny: Stop! I know what really happened." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You do?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I left a bag of chips near my bed. The raccoon must have smelled it. It's my fault he's dead. Sorry, Shel." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, you don't have anything to say to Manny?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "yeah. Manny... Shel forgives you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Denise. Ha! These pictures are amazing. Thank you. Wow. Sweetie, that perm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Technically, it's a Jheri curl. Ohh." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "I just love to take pictures. I took this one of myself today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know what? I'm gonna open a bottle of wine!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. No. That's the worst idea. No. No. Oh! What am I, raised by a pack of wolves? Hey, come on, now. Honey... You weren't completely wrong about Denise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How's that? Phil : She wants me. Claire : To do what? Phil : It. Her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Oh, this is because of the thing I said about Facebook and that everybody's hooking up, And now you're disappointed. Phil : No. She bit the air right in front of me! Like that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And then look what she tried to give me." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Anything I can help with?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I just... I can't find my corkscrew. Denise: Ohh. Touch me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "O-kay. Denise, I think, somewhere along the line, you got the wrong idea." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "My head is full of wrong ideas. You have such great taste," }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "I remember Phil used to have really good taste, too." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Get a little bit of this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, here it is. Phil, would you mind grabbing us a couple glasses? You betcha." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Need me to grab anything?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nope! Okay, this is so wrong." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "I know. It's way more exciting when she's in the room." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "I still have my cheerleader outfit." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So do I, but this still can't happen. When did that break?" }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Why are you wussing out?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I never wussed in!" }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "What about all those things you wrote on Facebook? \"how was your day? My neck is so sore.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why do people keep adding voices to these things? I didn't" }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "Are you telling me that I wasted a year of my life on this relationship?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What relationship?" }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "How many other women have you led on?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now I don't know!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil? Phil, honey? Do you remember when you broke your arm when we were first dating?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, uh, when I slipped on the ice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right. That's so weird. Because in this picture, you're sitting with Denise, and you have a broken arm, so..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. That's... that's weird." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So you were still dating her when you started dating me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Maybe. Just, there was a time... A little overlap when, uh, I was trying to break things off with Denise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Denise", "value": "You took me to Santa Fe!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Santa Fe. Phil, you told me that was your father." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I know the pain is fresh, but the lie is really old. Denise : You know, this was a mistake. I'm gonna leave. Claire, if I were you, I would kick him out. Maybe he'd appreciate you more after he spent a lonely night in a hotel, at the Radisson, by the airport." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You quit?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It was amazing. No, no, this is the new me, Cam. I am not letting people run my life anymore." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I should be nervous, but I'm... I'm not. I'm excited for" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes! It's exciting. It's exciting." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because you followed your heart, and that is worth celebrating." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I just feel..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "ha-ha! Mitchell : ... so liberated. Cameron : Hey!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And I'm not picking it up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ooh! I like this guy!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I do, too. I mean, y-yes, we'll have to... We'll have to cut back a little bit. But isn't it worth it if you feel like you're living your life for the first time?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Totally." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. What were we even waiting for? You will go back to teaching music, And then I'll -- I'll just find something in a few months! And until then, all we need to do is just sit back and watch this little miracle here dazzle us. I'm tingling." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I am, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's like my heart is full for the first time in forever. Oh, god, it's really pounding. It's like I feel the weight of endless" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're not panicking, are you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Of course I am panicking!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No! Don't panic. If you panic, I panic!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just quit my job! Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my god, Mitchell, I am used to nice things! What are we gonna do?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, no, no, just calm... calm down. This is what we're" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell! No." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, you're right -- the tie." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, we'll... we'll find something better for you, Something that works for all of us." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There's no plan \"B\" here, Cam. We have a mortgage. We" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey. It's gonna be okay. We're gonna figure it out. I just want you to be happy, and you will be happy. And that is something worth toasting." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let's just drink the cheap stuff 'cause we might have to" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's hard to sleep in a bed of lies, isn't it, Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Kids get over these things pretty quick. He's probably sleeping like a baby right now." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm sure he's wide awake... full of guilt." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I'm going to sleep. Damn it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hello, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you doing up?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Waiting. Waiting for what? The truth. It wasn't a raccoon, was it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, all right, you got me. I killed Shel. All right? I'm sorry. It" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why didn't you just tell me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Cause I didn't want you to be upset with me. You and I got off to a rocky start. But lately it's been pretty good. I was afraid I'd mess all that up If you knew that I was the one that killed your pet." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Now you're the guy who killed my pet and made a" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I don't think it was stupid. I thought it was pretty clever. Look, I s just trying to avoid past mistakes. Look... I know I can't make things all better right now." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Get some rest." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Since we're confessing things... You know that scratch on your car?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The one that can't be buffed out? Yeah." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You should probably know how it happened." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know how it happened. Raccoon did it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Good night, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good night, kid." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Best thing I ever did was quit a miserable job and start my own business." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thanks, dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now, it's not gonna be easy, But that's why Gloria and I want to give you a little something to help you through it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, dad, I can't." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, I want to, Mitch." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, but, I mean, a-as soon as I'm back on my feet, I-I really want to... Oh. Oh. Dad. No, you... You tried to give me this 20 years ago when my pet snake died." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I did?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Zsa-zsa Ga-Boa." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's adorable." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And you really didn't know that he was gay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I must have, right?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Could you seriously not hear me with those things on? Phil : It's noise-canceling technology. Give it a spin. It's got Claire : Sweetie! Focus." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, why are you freaking out on everyone?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because you are acting very irresponsibly. All of you. Listen, honey, Luke has a giant project due tomorrow for school that he hasn't even started, And Haley just informed me she needs 40 cupcakes for her school fundraiser, also due tomorrow." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'd like to point out I completed all my assignments on my" }, { "from": "own and on time. Claire", "value": "Not now, Alex. Phil : Not now, Alex." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, look, I will take the cupcakes. You do the project. It's" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Done." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I need you to really stay on him, Keep him focused. All right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm...Actually gonna take a different approach, But..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Actually gonna insist that you don't." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, I know you've got your methods, but so do I. I'm sorry, but I'm not a cromanager. Trust me, I can provide Luke with the tools and guidance he needs without, uh, smothering him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You think I smother our child?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I know what Luke's problem is. He's got ADHD." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No. No, I don't! What is it?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'd tell you, but you'd wander of before I got to the \"h.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Just promise me that you will stay on him until this project is done." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I will, but you might have a little more confidence in him. Luke : wah. Wah. No one can hear me now. Whoooo! Everybody is stupid, except me. Ha ha ha. I am funny." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Is this the cutest thing I've ever seen? You out here on the curb With your little telescope, waiting for your dad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's not cute. It's… it's science." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Tonight is the magnificent lyrid meteor shower. Cameron : It's where the planet geek passes through the nerdy way. Oh, you know I think it's sweet. Every couple years, Mitchell and his father, they go out and enjoy one of these showers together." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I… I wouldn't necessarily put it that way. I mean," }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Probably because you call them \"sports games.\" Just" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just… just \"games.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, here comes your shower partner." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop it!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm kidding. Have fun with your dad, okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. See you later. Cameron : Don't worry about me. Mitchell : I'm not." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm just saying, if you were." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Shotgun, sucker!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Make sure the seat is exactly the way you want it and feel free to play with any of these controls up here. I have no idea what they do. But I want mi car to be su car." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Cameron, are you okay? You seem nervous." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, nervous? No, I'm...not nervous." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was nervous. I mean, when Mitchell made plans with his father, I figured, why not spend the evening with Gloria? I've always wanted to be good friends with her. On paper, we should be good friends. Look at us… one spicy, curvy diva..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And Gloria." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The problem is, I had a little, minor setback that we had to overcome from a couple weeks ago." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I cannot stand hanging out with his ivy league friends. Oh, they're the worst." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They are the worst." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They're not that bad." }, { "from": "Cameroon", "value": "Are you kidding me? Debbie can't go two minutes without talking about Columbia University, And the little guy with the lazy eye from Harvard." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Brown." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Whatever. Honestly, I wish that tart would go back to Columbia and take her weird, little brown friend with her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, you need to relax. You explained." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not very well. You know how awkward I get when things get awkward." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm just very excited because this is, um... You know, this is our first night out together, so it's our little date." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where are we going?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and your tray tables are in the upright position, Because I got us into Palaiseau!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Fancy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know, it's normally a 4-week wait, But the maitre d' is an old pilates brother of mine, So just one phone call." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Palaiseau!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Cameron, you know what? I don't know if I'm in the mood for something so fancy. Can we just go somewhere, like, more simple?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, of -- yes. Yes, of course. We can -- what -- what do" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know. How about a little Latin place that I always used to go?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That sounds fantastic." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I would love to see how your people eat." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, it's egg-crackin' time. Now, I find the key to cracking an egg properly..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, I'm not a child. I can do it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Haley : Okay. Claire : Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "And when... when that happens, I find that I like to not dig it out..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I got it. It's okay. It's right here. Oh, that's... that's really" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I'm gonna... I'll do this. You just...mop up." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "So, how do I start?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What do you think?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't know. Mom usually tells me what to do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Join the club. I'm kidding. I love your mom. We are going to try a new approach this time. Now, your goal is to create a display about the life and art of Van Gogh, right?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I got your poster board right here, So pretend you're telling the story of his life to someone who has never heard of him. What do you put on that board? I see the wheels spinning, the spark of creat..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How do they get the lead in pencils?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, let's try to stay on topic." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Jay, look who thinks Mercury is the densest planet in the solar system." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I take it from your mocking tone that I am incorrect." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The densest planet is earth." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Which makes you the densest guy on the densest planet. Zing!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Fun." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "You sure Mitchell won't mind me tagging on?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you kidding? He loves you. What are you worried about? Manny : I've never had a brother before. We never really hung out that much." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Kiddo, you are overthinking this." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I just don't want to say the wrong thing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You can't. That's the beauty of having a brother. Me and my brother were zinging each other all the time, you know, like, \"what's going on, fat boy?\" \"nothing much, jackass. \" you know, things of that nature. It's -- it's how brothers express love." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hmm. Shotgun, sucker!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm gonna... See the sights." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Not if they see you first!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Kind of missed with that one, kid." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right, this is all you need to know right here. Apparently, the pencil's in two pieces, and they glue them together around the lead." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What if we put all the sff about his life on this side and all" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, buddy, that's fantastic. And the best part is you came up with that by yourself. All it took was a little bit of focus and, uh..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This thing is really loose. I'm gonna go grab a screwdriver," }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, dad. He kind of looks like uncle Mitchell, if uncle Mitchell were insane." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": ": Aah! I got sprayed by a skunk!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh! Ugh! Oh, you stink." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And not just at astronomy! Blammo!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What is happening?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I love this place." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I was a little bit worried, because it's not exactly --" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I...love...this place." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are we -- are we sure we're not exaggerating just a little bit?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Were you there, Mitchell? Because I think I would've" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Waiter", "value": "Hello. ¿Como esta? Gloria! Desde hace mucho que no vienes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mi amigo, Cameron." }, { "from": "Waiter", "value": "Oh, welcome. So, carnitas diablos?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, you remember!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, I'll just have the same thing." }, { "from": "Waiter", "value": "No, no, no, no, no, you should have the chicken enchiladas. Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, no, I'll have the carnitas diablos." }, { "from": "Waiter", "value": "These are not for you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me? They're too spicy." }, { "from": "Waiter", "value": "And this girl is used to it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, he's right." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can spice you under the table any day. There, sweet thing. Dos carnitas diablos, por favor." }, { "from": "Waiter", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Of course. What was I thinking? Dad, can we -- can we just go home, please?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You've got to air out first before I let you in that car. I'll never" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Jay, is that Venus? 'Cause I can smell the clouds of pure sulfuric acid from here. Slam!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I-I -- I'd really like to go home now." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We'll miss the meteor shower." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The trouble is your clothes. Just take them off. I think there's a blanket in the trunk." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You sure, dad? You're -- you're not worried I might stink up the blanket?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't worry about it. We just use it to cover up the seat for" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "If you don't sweat, you're not doing it right." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So, he was one of the best boyfriends I ever had." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But he was gay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, I figured that out after the first month, But I stayed for a whole year because the haircuts were fantastic! It's funny, huh? Cameron, come on, it's not that funny. Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you sure?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I love this place." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But your head is running water." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I don't think it is." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I told you it was too spicy for you! Look at your shirt! Cameron : No, I just need to get a little bit of a drink of something. Gloria : No, no, no, no, no. Cameron, the water makes it so worse. No!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, you're right. That does make it worse. I feel like I ate the sun!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "And that is the secret to no lumps. See? It's kind of fun." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You make it fun, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mmm." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Listen to these symptoms of ADHD and tell me it's not Luke." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"Easily distracted by irrelevant stimuli.\"; \"Often impulsively abandons one task for another.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, no. No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil? Phil, honey, are you okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Remember those sunglasses I couldn't find? Bingo!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I asked you to do one thing stay on top of Luke." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "For your information, your son is hard at work on an awesome Van Gogh - got to fix that… masterpiece. Wait till you see. You're gonna be so surprised." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god, honey, I want nothing more than to be surprised," } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not happy, dude. You're supposed to be working." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I am working." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mr Potato Head? Really?!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I know what you think, but..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I don't want to hear it. I'm going down to clean up the garage. Then I'm coming back, and I'm gonna stand over you Until this thing is done, okay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Breathe." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Breathing only makes the fire spread." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, then drink this milk. Ay, Cam! Why did you have to order that spicy dish?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because I'm… I'm a big idiot. And I wanted to have this" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay! Let's go have lunch! Let's go buy shoes!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, why are you so surprised?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know. I guess I just always feel like I-I blow it with you, Gloria. Whether it's the Colombian comment Or picking the wrong restaurant…" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The restaurant? That had nothing to do with you. I was" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What did you do?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I bought a dress." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You monster." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It was a very expensive dress that I don't need. I felt so stupid that when I got home, I couldn't even bring it inside the house. I left it in the car." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I totally get it. I have a legendary hat story. I'll bet you" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, but anyone would look fabulous in at dress." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You find that blanket?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. This was all I could find. Shut up!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really shows off your shape." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay. Spin around, cupcake. Let's see the caboose." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "you get fries with that shake? Was that too far?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "There's a line, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I better go mop this up." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, come on. Where's the..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry if things got a little out of hand back there, But in our defense, look at you. I mean, smell you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This is a fantastic apology." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, don't be too hard on the kid. I was egging him on. If you're gonna be mad, be mad at me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Done." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I was just happy to see him laugh a little bit. You know, he's had kind of a tough week." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I got sprayed by a skunk, And I'm wearing a dress that" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know he doesn't want me to talk about it, But he didn't get invited to this big party. Some kids he thought were his friends think he's weird. Now, you know me on this. I'm no -- I'm no good at it, you know? I-I never know what to say." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, that's true." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "But maybe I raised a kid who would know what to say. Now, that's the only reason I invited him along, You know, because this astronomy stuff that's -- that's our thing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, no, I'll -- I'll talk to him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, you don't look that ridiculous. Now, you -- you actually got the legs for it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad --" }, { "from": "jay", "value": "No, I'm just saying, if you were that type of a gay..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "...You'd probably do all right for yourself." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Come on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I always had a sense it was dangerous down here, But I guess it's actually kind of charming, isn't it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's not safe at all. I used to live down here, you know?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, that's why I come down here. Look there. That was my old apartment. After I left Javier, that's all I could afford. It's still part of me. You have to remember those things. You do. Like you when you go to your farm." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You remember that? I told you that a year ago." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course I do. You're my friend, you big idiot! You know, this part of town might be very rough, But the people here, Cameron... the best." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm pretty sure I had wheels when I parked here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay-yi-yi! Who did this?!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no, it's okay, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who did this? ! You coward sons of bitches!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's okay, everybody! I'm - I'm insured!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What? You scared?! You scared to show your faces, little girls?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no, it's all right, everybody!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Huh?! Cameron, wait in the car! Cameron!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Gloria, I think it's drivable! Gloria!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just so you know, I'm going back up to Luke's room, And I'm not leaving until he's finished." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And I'm really sorry for not underestimating Luke enough." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, that means a lot to me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The hardest part is he kind of takes after me with all this. Hmm. Like my lack of focus and your..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "My what? Phil : I just love you. Claire : Hmm?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I did it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buddy!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Do you like it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I-I-I love it. Did you do this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All him." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I used Mr. Potato head ears Because Van Gogh cut his ear off. And there's money, because his paintings sell for, like, a bajillion dollars, Which is sad, because he died broke." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. That... you were right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't apologize. Claire : I'm not apologizing. Phil : Apology accepted." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, I-I really couldn't be more proud of you, And I am so sorry I didn't give you more credit." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Way to go, buddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I got to go finish the cupcakes." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No. She didn't." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, can you hand me those?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh-huh. Yeah, I can talk. What are you doing?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I showed you how to make them, And now you can do it yourself. Come on, guys, let's go." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, good, because I really wanted to. Okay. Setting the" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, I know you'd never, um... I know you'd never - never believe this By looking at me right now, But, uh, I used to get picked on at school, too." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So, Jay told you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, they would, um… they'd call me weird. I was weird… fun weird. But I… this is the funny thing about growing up. For years and years, everybody's desperately afraid to be different, you know, in any way. And then, suddenly, almost overnight. Everybody wants to be different. And that is where we win." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm sort of counting on that. I'm sorry I was picking on" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, it's..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay said that's what brothers do." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "well, we don't have to listen to him. Brothers do that, too." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, ladies, finish up your tea party. You're missing the" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I can't believe I was fighting over this guy, huh?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Check it out. Oh, whoa. Check it out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Awesome." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom? You better get down here!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mmm!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my god! Claire : Whoa! Delicious. Haley: Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am so proud." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, thanks, mom. I'm just gonna wrap these up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, you know what, sweetie? You're gonna be late for school. Just go. I'll bring them by later." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Are you sure? I'm done?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah," }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Get out of here, Betty Crocker." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So proud of you!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ugh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do we still have the number for poison control?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I love you, Claire! I've always loved you! Luke : My mouth is asleep like at the dentist. Phil : Get over here, buddy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Today, Sam Riley kicked a soccer ball, and it hit another kid so hard, his eye popped out." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Awesome." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? His eye popped out?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, got to hit the sack. Big Saturday tomorrow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's right. It's somebody's birthday." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not just that. The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, \"We love you, Phil.\" Claire : What's so great about that doohickey anyhow?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Doohickey,\" Elly May? It's a movie theater, a library, and a" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "A library is a place where people get books." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "A movie theater is a place where people go on dates." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll load the beach chair into the trunk, for the line in the morning." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait, honey, hang on. You can't spend your birthday in" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not the whole day. I have to be there at 6:00, or forget about it, and then I'm out by 10:00." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't you let me do it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, you don't have to do that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I know, but I want to. That way, on your birthday, you'll wake up, and you'll have your brand-new... toy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "In spite of you calling it a toy, this is shaping up to to the" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thank God we didn't have to hear that stupid story about..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It was called the fun zone. I was 11. I hit 10 straight fastballs" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you sure there's not an e-i in the middle?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. It's i-e." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Good, papi. If I can't fool you, then your teachers can't fool you, either." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't think they're trying to fool me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait until you see what I got Phil for his birthday. I found it on the Skymall catalog." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's not one of those talking alarm clocks? \"It's 6:05. It's" }, { "from": "6", "value": "25. Wake up. Wake up.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Even better... A rosewood chess set. Before I wrap this thing, what say we take it for a spin? Manny, I'll teach you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He knows how to play. His father taught him how to play. Jay : I'm gonna teach him real chess, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game, not smuggle stuff out of the country." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know one Colombian piece you won't be playing with later." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny, come on! let's see what you got." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You'd be surprised. Let him win!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I got this." }, { "from": "Voice", "value": "Everything's gonna be okay. It's okay. It's okay. Cameron : Leave me alone." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There's a man in Lily's room. There's a man in Lily's" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's go time. Oh, thank God." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's me, it's me, it's me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She's fine. We must have just heard a neighbor with the same monitor." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank God. Boy, if a spider would've broken in here, he" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, buddy. I hope you're not upset about our chess match yesterday. What do you say we play again?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm good." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's the spirit. Downloaded this for you. It's kind of a kid's guide to chess." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, Jay. I'm good." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not all dry like that. They have fun with it. See, you can color in the little players with your crayons." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You are making me want to play again." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We're lighting a fire. Let me toss this out. If you beat me, if that day should ever come, I'll give you, uh..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I want your watch." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wow. You had that loaded up, huh? Okay. Game on. Now, I want you to go first. Now, remember, try to open up the middle of the board. I'd have moved that guy two spaces. More aggressive. And you don't want to bring your queen out that quickly. You could have protected that with that, but now you're vulnerable to..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Checkmate." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? How'd you do that?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You will not believe what's going on at Jake and Debbie's house." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Who?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The people on the monitor. So much drama. Okay. Jake told Debbie that he had to work late, so she called his boss and found out that he didn't. Busted! So she spent all morning on the phone crying and crying to her mother and said if Jake has to work \"late\" one more time, she's filing for divorce." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Huh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's it? I give you that tasty dish, and all you give me is a \"huh\"?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm s... Cam, I froze last night. I froze. I thought Lily was" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That comes to me naturally. I spent a year as a crossing guard." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What kind of parent am I if I can't even protect my own" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're so cute when you're angry with your little fists. I just want to put you in my pocket." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I think he's coming. Haley : Here he comes. Dad! Kids : Happy birthday!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You guys, that's awesome. Who are these from?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Cam and Mitchell." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Those guys are a class act." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We're making you breakfast. French waffle cakes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let me guess. One waffle in between two pieces of French toast, wrapped in a pancake." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Nailed it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bring it in here, monkeys. Love you! Get over here! Good enough." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Where's mom?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You mean the greatest woman in the world? She is standing in line at the Apple store, making all my birthday wishes come true. Let's see how these bad boys taste. That is hot!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fresh out of the oven, eh? That is..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do you want some ice?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes. Oh, man, this... Oh, that feels better. That feels better. No, it actually... feels weird. That burns in a different way! Don't wash this until we see if I can get my skin back, okay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let me see it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! Your party's not until tonight. You'll have to wait." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just let me see the bag. Did you leave it in the car? Who'd you deal with? Was it a guy named Mehar? They call him \"the beast.\" Tiny guy. He must move a ton of product. I kind of love that you're making me wait. You are the best wife ever! You are the best wife ever!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I didn't get you the iPad. I got to the store, they were all" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't understand. My online buddies got it. Sat800 and Brobot didn't get there until 8:00, and you definitely got there before 'em, because you got there at 6:30. You didn't get there at 6:30? Where were you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I set the alarm for 5:00. Got up. Came downstairs. I fell" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my goodness. What have I done? What have I done? I should've done this myself." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They're gonna get more in next week." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Next week? That's, like, the worst thing you can say to an early adopter." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "To a place where birthdays still mean something." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'll get that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mitchell? What are you doing here at... 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm just returning my dad's belt of tools, so..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "At 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't you have something better to do? So, were you a big hit?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I just assumed it was some kind of costume party. Was Cam the Indian?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "For your information, dad, we were doing a little construction at the house." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What did you build? Mitchell : A gift-wrapping station. Jay : And we're back." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thank you for that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're welcome. Hey, uh, dad, do you remember when I was probably 11 and you were teaching me how to fight, and then I quit?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You said everything you needed to learn, you'd learned from" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "If I'm ever in a dance fight, I'll let you know. Is the offer, uh, still good?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's the matter? You got problems with Cam?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No! Why would you say that?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on. I mean, you know, sharing a room with a guy? I bunked with my brother. I know that can get pretty rough." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't \"bunk\" with Cam. Dad, I just want to learn a" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Show me what you remember." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Right... right now? Gosh, uh... Thumbs out." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thumbs... attaboy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That wasn't very pretty, was it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what? Maybe it was a little too pretty. That's the thing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Here it goes." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh! Buddy, I think the problem is you're not jumping from high enough. You should get on top of the garage." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, stop trying to kill Luke. I need your help. We've got" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm not inhaling them." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Stop lying." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How did she know?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Didn't your mama teach you never to take a ride from a stranger?! Got a little vacation time coming up? Have fun on the Moon! Not feeling too well lately? Maybe you should come see the doctor, and I'll... get rid of it!" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "What's that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Voice", "value": "Attention. If you're here for Phil's birthday party, they're gathering in the picnic area. Phil's birthday party." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My wife knew I'd be here. She put together a whole party" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "Does that really make up for not getting an iPad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't make me sorry I shared that with you, okay? See you, fellas. Howdy do! I just heard the announcement for Phil's birthday party." }, { "from": "Girl", "value": "Phil? Yeah! It's right around the corner." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Awesome." }, { "from": "Girl", "value": "Have fun." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you. Thanks, milady. Everybody : Happy birthday, Phil! Littl' Phil : This is awesome!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jake", "value": "Hello? No, I'm just putting the baby down. Cameron : That's Jake. He's the one having an affair." }, { "from": "Jake", "value": "I know. Yeah, I can do it tomorrow night. I'll just give my" }, { "from": "wife some excuse. Cameron", "value": "Men are pigs." }, { "from": "Jake", "value": "I don't really have a choice, do I? Yeah, you could not cheat" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lily, I had it backwards. He's wonderful." }, { "from": "Jake", "value": "I'll just tell her I'm working late." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, Jake, don't do that! That's the worst thing you could do!" }, { "from": "Jake", "value": "Buona notte." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no, what are we gonna do? We have to fix this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm gonna teach you a couple of basic Brazilian jujitsu moves. Now, just... Just attack me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry. What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Take any deep-seated anger you have, get a running start and come." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't have any deep-seated anger." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Remember that Halloween when I wouldn't let you go as Olivia Newton-John? You see what I did? I used your momentum against you. Learned this from the Gracie brothers. It's called the lion killer, mata-leao. Try to get out. Try to get out. There, you see? Mitchell : I can't." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. Alright, now... impressive. The beauty of this is you" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You all right? Come around." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why am I on the floor?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, I just struck out again. Please tell me you have some good news." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "The grove just got in a shipment. I'm texting you the" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, that's good. That's good. That's good. I'm there. I'm on that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "That kid stole my watch." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He hustled me at chess." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You promised you were gonna let him win." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I did the first time." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait a minute. You're in on it, too? Gloria : Go and get dressed for the party. Many : Do I have time for a steam?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, but a quick one." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why would you tell him to lose to me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "'Cause you're a baby if you don't win, with the kicking and the eyebrows and the angry eating of the sunflower seeds..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Chess genius? He's not even as good as I am. Jay : You're not that good. I won on our honeymoon. Gloria : Or did I let you win?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You didn't let me win." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why would I sacrifice my queen for your pawn, Jay? Huh? Huh?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Stop saying that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, honey, hi. What's going on?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "The guy came with Dad's cake, but just so you know, it's missing a piece." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Did you take a bite out of your father's cake? Stop lying," }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm not lying. By the way, I used your credit card to pay him. Is that all right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no. That's fine. Whatever. That's why I left the wallet" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Littl' Phil", "value": "More cake?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why not, little Phil? I got no place else to go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sir. Sir. Sir, hi. Excuse me. Um, yes, I know this is highly unusual, but I need your help to save a marriage. A couple in this neighborhood is about to get a divorce for a simple misunderstanding. Their name is Jake and Debbie. And I know you've taken an oath to not tell people where other people live. I respect that, but we could work out some sort of super-secretive spy signal, where if you scratch your left ear, you know, maybe they live on the left, and your right ear, they live on..." }, { "from": "Mail Man", "value": "They live right here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This conversation never happened." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Thank God! Thank you, thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad just put me to sleep." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The hunting story? Oh, my gosh, no. you can't cut the line. Sorry." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I was here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I've been here for an hour and a half. You haven't been, so you cut the line." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Whatever." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Excuse me, sir, you don't understand. You're not getting in front of us." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Calm down, gingerbread." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you gonna move or not? Then you leave me no choice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Man : No." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Go to sleep." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you doing? Get off of him. Mitchell : Shut up. He's about to go to sleep. Man : No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let's stop it." }, { "from": "Security", "value": "You three, out of line." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sorry, I had nothing to do with this. I'm just waiting in line to get an iPad. I don't even know this guy. I need your credit card." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Man", "value": "He's the problem." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shut up. You're supposed to be asleep." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's okay! I have it. I've got it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I've got your card. I'm good. No, no, I'm good. No, I'm here... I've got to get my husband an iPad!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, um, Dad, your cake fell off the counter, but uncle Cam's trying to fix it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He won't." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And the pizzas never showed up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And they won't. Hey, balloons." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Fine. I guess we'll never know." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Or we can find out right now, huh? Manny, give me the chess set." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, it's a chess set." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. You'll get it later. We got something to settle. Go in there." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Happy birthday, Phil." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Happy, happy. Is it Claire's baked brie I smell?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, you'll never believe what happened. Happy birthday, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You'll never believe it. I got in trouble for fighting. Cameron : And we saved a marriage. Oh, well, this is the best day ever." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It really is." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ain't it, though?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Easy. You can't sing \"We are the champions\"... without your queen." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Damn it! Listen, I lose, and I burn this house down! Ah," }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, honey, what are we doing? This is ridiculous. One of us will win the game, the other will feel lousy, we both lose." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, just leave my birthday present on the floor." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's my girl." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, did you get it? Claire : No. How's your dad? Haley : Acting weird... er." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, wife." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey. Hi. Um, listen. Yeah, Luke, hang on one second." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, it's okay. I don't feel things anymore." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But, sweetie, I want you to feel..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, just a second. Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just heading out to the yard to get a shovel for my cake." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, what do you want?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I went on Dad's computer, contacted some of his geek friends, told them that he was dying and his last wish was an iPad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What have I told you about the..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "One of them felt so bad, they brought over an extra." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. You got it, you beautiful little liar." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Here comes Dad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I used to, but I don't desire food any... Oh, my God! You got it! All this time, I said I didn't care, but I do care... I care so much! Claire : Do you want to blow out the candles?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go on. Go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It did not just do that!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, it did!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey! Who's ready for the first day of the rest of their lives?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Phil, happy birthday." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look at this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Can I touch it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Not so hard, but touch it. Touch it, but don't touch it. Touch it, but don't touch it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Debbie", "value": "I'm so sorry I ever doubted you. I love you." }, { "from": "Jake", "value": "Thank God that guy came over. What did he say his name was?" }, { "from": "Debbie", "value": "He didn't. Must be an angel." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did you hear that? I'm an angel." }, { "from": "Jake", "value": "Or some creepy perv." }, { "from": "Debbie", "value": "Yeah, how did he know? Maybe I should call the police." }, { "from": "Jake", "value": "You should. I'm gonna call the police. Cameron : And they lived happily ever after." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, Cam, where are you going? It was just getting good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I love you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I love you, too, honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, okay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Steaks will be ready in five minutes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're destroying those things." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, leave him alone." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, I'm sorry, but that cow has suffered long enough!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fun." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "wow ! Hang on! Dinner's ready in five minutes." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "They are deceptively hard. A curious mix of dance and strain." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You're making it lame again." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, do mio, that coach! Claire I hate that guy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He seems to have the kids motivated." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, you haven't seen him. He taunts the kids, he's abusive." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If this was a Columbian soccer league, a long time ago one" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "A coach is supposed to ride the kids hard! Phil, help me out here!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's a mean man." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, you're such a woman!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come to the game, you'll see! This guy is a real mother- scratcher. Pardon my language Gloria." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Gloria?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He better cool it, or I'm gonna introduce him to the Captain and Tennille." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "sorry we're late. I was at work." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, he loves to say that." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Happy barbecue." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Since Mitchell is between jobs... I've taken a part-time job at a greeting-card store, Which I love. Plus, with my discount, we're saving a fortune." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How is spending a ton of money on greeting cards saving us a fortune?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's math. Mitchell : It's really not. Cameron : Look it up. Mitchell : $2.95, $2.95, $4.95..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "40% off, 40% off, 40% off...." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "$2.95, $3.95, $2.95." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitchell, I got this golf buddy of mine. Great guy. Super successful. You two should talk. It could mean a job for you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, thanks, dad, but I'm... I'm not really looking for" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, that's right. With me bringing home the bacon, Mitchell doesn't have to rush into anything." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, I know you have all that greeting-card screw-you" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad, I appreciate it, but in the future..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I can't stand this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I am sorry, but..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. Those steaks have been done for five minutes. I'm taking them off the grill." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry. I-I know how it feels to have him stick his" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No biggie. That's just Jay being Jay. But one day I'm gonna be a grandfather, and then everybody better hide their meat." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ooh, who's she?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I hate it when you do that." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who's he? It's Charlie Bingham. He's the guy that my dad wanted me to call. I googled him. Look." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, he owns earthgear apparel? I have their ski pants." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? You don't - you don't ski." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I have cargo pants, and I don't work at the docks. Mitchell : God, I feel like such a slacker. I mean, he has done so much for being so young. Okay, look, he's opened up a dozen environmental foundations and conservancies. Wow." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, are you gonna - are you gonna call him?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know. I mean, you know, I-I sort of promised myself and you that I'd take a little time off and --" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And you are loving your time off." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Totally." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, I don't know. Should I -- should I call him? Cameron : I don't know. Maybe just to get your dad off your back. Mitchell : Yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I mean... I mean, because the last thing I want for you is to take a job right now. I am loving our life." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Coach", "value": "Come on, ladies, move it! Goodness gracious! Turtles run faster! Come on! Could you run any slower? I dare you to run slower." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You see?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's just trying to light a fire." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, I light him on fire." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Why do I always have to come to these things?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because you love your brother." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Why don't you make him come to my orchestra concerts?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because we love your brother. Good job, Luke!" }, { "from": "Coach", "value": "Shoot! Delgado! You're killing me, man!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I love you, Manny, no matter what!" }, { "from": "Coach", "value": "Come on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. That's great. Okay, well, I'll let you know. All right. All right, bye. uh, so, Charlie Bingham just invited us over to his beach house for a little get-together." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Uh, well, what did you say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I said I'd check with you. I mean, what -- what do you think?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What do you think?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "well, I think it would be rude not to hear him out." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I mean..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, you're probably right." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Okay. Cool. And don't worry. You know, I'm not gonna take any job." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You better not." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Coach", "value": "You're doing great, Luke, if your goal is to suck." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil. Phil : I'm on it. Jay : Wait for me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, coach?" }, { "from": "Coach", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look, we appreciate your passion, But some of us are worried that the yelling is getting counter-productive." }, { "from": "Coach", "value": "I got this. Come on, stupid!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No you don't \"got this.\" What you got is a bad attitude." }, { "from": "Coach", "value": "Who are you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I happen to be the stepfather of... doesn't matter who. What you need to start doing is a little more coaching and a little less yelling. 'Cause if I hear you call one of these kids stupid again, I swear to god, I'll throw a shoe at your head." }, { "from": "Coach", "value": "Screw it. I don't need this. You think you can do a better" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay, you know, I was handling this." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I saw how you broke out peaches and herb." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's the captain and..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay... your old coach had to live for a while." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why? Is he sick?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes. He's very, very sick." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": ": Is he going to die?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Everyone dies, boys, let's focus on what's important. Our next game is in one hour. We are going to go from being five fingers to being a fist. How does that sound?" }, { "from": "Boys", "value": "Great. Great. Phil : I can't hear you? Boys : Great! Great!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's what I'm talkin' 'bout." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, gentlemen, I talked to the referee. I'm coaching." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, really? 'cause I..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Phil, I coached football." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay, I actually coached basketball. I think I can get these guys..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Relax, you've already got the assistant job. Now, think you" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go ahead. Gentlemen, this is what I need. I want you to hit them, and I want you to hit them hard." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I'm gonna take off. I'm gonna buy Alex some clothes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okey dokee." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How come you're not coaching?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "'cause your dad coached football." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. And I am going to make it up to you tonight." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And I'll be thinking of your dad while you do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Disturbing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Phil. Hey. How's it going?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. Your dad coached football." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ahh, a fellow victim. Thank you again for taking care of Lily. I know it's last-minute." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, don't be silly." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We'll probably just stick around for a few minutes. You know how fussy she gets when we pass her off, so…" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, she seems fine." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, I think she's getting used to being away from you now that you have the new job. Mwah! So proud of you!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We need to talk." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. What happened?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom, I love you, but your words of encouragement Encourage the other kids to make fun of me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, I won't say anything else on the next game. Promise. Manny : We both know that your Latin blood makes that impossible. I think it would be better if you didn't come to the next game." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ah!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know. Mitchell : I hate our house. Cameron : I know!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And what's... what's this thing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know, but it's fancy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop... stop playing with it. Come on. Just...Don't break it." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Hey, Mitchell! Charlie Bingham." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nice to meet you. Hi! This is my partner, Cameron Tucker." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Pleasure. Cameron." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So we just went ahead and parked on that round thingy in the driveway. Is that... that's fine, right?" }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "No problem. It's a turntable so you don't have to back" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. You have a car turntable and you're wearing rubber. You're like Batman." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "I really am. Come on in. Turn the music down!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Pardon the getup. Killer waves today. You guys surf?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Only for bargains on the web." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Everybody, say hi. Hi. Hi. Hello! That's Jolie. She's head of my Europe division. She cheats at poker. You do. And that's my girlfriend, Jenny. She makes a hell of a margarita. Want one?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Absolutely." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, not... o-okay." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Everybody, Mitchell Pritchett and his partner, Cameron. Cameron : Business partners. Mergers and acquisitions. I'm kidding. We're gay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop talking." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "How long you been on the lam?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you are looking around like the feds are after you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, I'm not. Let's just get this over with." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Great." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, no. It's them." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Oh, you know those girls from school. Hey!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Let's go. Over here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What... what is your problem?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Nothing. I'll meet you at the car in an hour. Please, mom. Please. Hi, Jenna." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "And just like that, my baby girl became a teenager. She entered that dreaded phase where my very existence embarrasses her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I-I think I can help. You're not your mom. Wow, that's your" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Charlie", "value": "So, first off, I'm a fan. I saw you in court once." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "seriously?" }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Yeah. Mayhew vs. Propyltech. You are a good lawyer. If you'd have handled my divorce, this house would be twice as big. Cameron : Oh, he's better than good. Try winning an argument with him. Last night, I wanted to have Indian for dinner… Mitchell : And we're talking again." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Top of your class at Cornell and Columbia law. Had your pick of jobs but instead chose to work in environmental law until last month." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And he used to be a really great figure skater." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Why'd you quit?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "His sister lost interest, and then there was..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He means my job!" }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "You can tell me about figure skating, too. Mitchell : Um, well, it was... She did lose interest. Charlie : That's enough." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Iqué linda! Iay, qué linda!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my gosh! I didn't know you guys were gonna be here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mwah! Hi, Lily. Mwah, mwah!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I had enough basketball for one day." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I know. Come here, sweetie. Oh, sweet thing, you love me, And you want me to buy you a dress." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, but I'm gonna buy her some shoes first." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's that, Lily? Do you want me to buy you a dress? She said, \"yes\"." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She did not say, \"yes.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, \"win\" on 3. 1, 2, 3..." }, { "from": "Boys", "value": "Win!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't forget the pick-and-roll. These guys won't know how to defend it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Phil, try not to confuse my boys, okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. I sleep with your daughter." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good luck." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, let's go, let's go! Come on, let's go!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Get out there. Hustle up!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Get the tip! Get the tip! Oh! All right. Keep the hustle, keep the hustle. Come on, boys. Don't let them push you around. Oh! All right, little defense. Play defense." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I did a little scouting, And the other team only has two" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good, Phil, good. Thank you. Good. Manny, pay attention! What are you looking at?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And that was in 2004." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "So, tell me this, What are the regulatory challenges of a solar farm?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "well, you know, it could be anything. Agriculture," }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, I'm just gonna freshen this up." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Let me ask you a question. How do you like the beard? I'm thinking of growing one. Jenny's against it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, well, I've - I've been very happy with mine." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "That's it. I'm doing it. Look, I've made a fortune. I want to use it for some good. I need a lawyer to help me navigate. I like you. You get me. So, in or out?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm very sorry." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "It's okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, that's a very big question. You know, I'm obviously gonna have to go talk to my, um... bull in a china shop. I'll be right back." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Sure. Talk it over. It's a major life decision. Hey, jenny!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, Lily, it's time to buy you beautiful shoes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no, no, no. I saw another really cute dress for her. Gloria : Ay, she has already six new dresses. What she needs is strappy shoes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Oh, oh. There's Alex. I'll -- I'll see you later. Alex," }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, I said I'd meet you at the car." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ugh. Here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Still wish you had a daughter? Gloria : Manny didn't want me at the game today. Claire : oh, I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it's not okay. It sucks." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I miss babies. They never tell you to go away." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Or wait in the car. I don't know about you, But I'm not gonna stand here and feel sorry for myself. You know what we should do?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Get pregnant." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was gonna say go for ice cream." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, we'll do yours first." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Luke! Luke! It's hard to guard a player if there's no player near you!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We good in the hood?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This is a uniquely frustrating group of boys." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I hear ya. Um, one thing that might help, instead of a zone, if you switch to a simple man-to-man." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I got this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? 'cause according to the scoreboard, The only thing you got is 4 points. Good luck." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I need to talk to you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I need to talk to you. Nice top." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Come here. You... you... Cam. Cam, you have got to relax. I told you I wouldn't take a job..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Take the job." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I want you to take the job." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I thought you liked having me home with Lily. Cameron : I don't. I mean, I do. I just… I miss my time with Lily, and I know it's selfish..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I want the job!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You do?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my god, yes! I-I love Lily, but I hate baby talk." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I wuv baby talk!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let's go get this job." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let's get this job. Okay. Oh, no. It's locked. Guys? Cameron : Oh, my gosh. They not gonna hear us. We're trapped out here." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's… stop being so dramatic. We'll just go through" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's why he wants to hire you. You're good in crisis." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's not opening." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Push it again." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I'm, I'm hearing things. But it's not..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Push it harder." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's not... maybe this one?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm hearing something. What is that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. Stop touching. Stop ... This... oh, that was it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All right. Mitchell! Oh, my god! No! Mitchell : Oh, my god! No, Cam! Cam. Did we do that? Cameron : What are we gonna say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Oh. I will take the job." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "I kind of think you have to now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Guys, you're on the same team! Time-out! Time-out. Get over here. Guys, earlier, we practiced a few set plays. Did any of them involve wrestling the ball from your own teammate?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": ": But you said to be aggressive." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not on your own team! Wait here. You got to coach. I can't take it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You talkin' to me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. I'm talkin' to you. You got to take over. I'm about to lose it out there." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That sounds tough, coach." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's your problem?" }, { "from": "Referee", "value": "Hey, coach. Tick tock." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I was dealing with the coach, you pushed me aside. I was dealing with the boys, you pushed me aside. Believe it or not, Jay, there are some things that I am better at than you are. Bam! It's out there!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, for god's sake." }, { "from": "Referee", "value": "Coach!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's calling you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, I don't blame you for being angry. All right? I'm used to taking charge. That's all. I should have let you coach from the get-go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I love you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, the barbecue." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, for god's sake. I'm sure your steaks would've been delicious and not chewy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. I'll do it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And so the student becomes the master. The once mighty..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what? Forget it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no, no. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Hey, hey, guys. Who wants to go out like a champ?" }, { "from": "Boys", "value": "Yeah! Yeah!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I love it! Okay, Jordie, you inbound to Luke. Manny, set a pick on Luke's man and roll to the bucket. Luke, you know what to do." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No, I don't." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bounce pass to Manny." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But dad... coach... Manny hasn't taken a single shot all season." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Then chances are he'll be open." }, { "from": "Referee", "value": "Okay, guys, let's bring it out." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, hey. Bring it in. Let's show these guys what kind of team they're about to beat. Huh? \"li'l dribblers\" on 3. 1, 2, 3..." }, { "from": "Boys", "value": "Li'l dribblers!" }, { "from": "Referee", "value": "Okay, red ball. Side out. Here we go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's my coaching philosophy? Give a kid a bird... Yes. ...And he becomes one of those weird dudes who walks around with a bird on his shoulder. But give him a pair of wings...And he can fly... Ohh! ...Unless he has absolutely no hand- eye coordination. Okay. I support you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That was 20 minutes." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom. I am so, so sorry. I know it's no excuse, but I've been feeling a lot of pressure at school... You know, with friends. And I love you so much, And I appreciate everything you do for me. I'm still your little girl." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey. That is so sweet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Can I get $20? A bunch of us are going to a movie, And we're gonna get something to eat afterwards. Jenna's brother's gonna take us home." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay! Of course. Sweetie, you know what? Take $40." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my gosh. Claire : Yeah! That's right. Alex : Thanks, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go on. Have a great time. Oh, Alex, honey. When you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. I know you don't need one now, But pretty your little boobies are gonna come in soon. Mommy loves you, kitten! Mwah! Mwah! Teach her to screw with me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Luke passed to me, I shot the ball, and I almost made it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, I bought Lily the cutest little dress today." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And then I stole the ball from the other team, Did a 360, and almost dunked it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's nice. Ay, I just had the best day today with Lily." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I have a game next Saturday. You could come." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's okay. I wouldn't want to embarrass you. I'll probably take Lily out for cupcakes. Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay. Any suggestions?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I usually go with earrings." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Howdeedo! What's up?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Guess who's here? Your dad! He drove his RV all the way from Cocoa Beach." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Hey, son. Working hard? He's gonna say, \"hardly" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I meant to tell you he was driving out." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Did he say it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah!" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Good kid!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He wasn't supposed to show up for a few more days." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, guess what he brought us. A dog...To keep." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Am I in trouble?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, really, really big." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I'm a little scared. How bad is this?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, well... We have a new rule... no sleeping in the bedroom." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ben", "value": "Mr. Pritchett? Ben. Ben Dugan. I went to High School with Mitch. We were in the drama club together." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's right. Yeah. Geez, I didn't recognize you without that" }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "Mitch was really great in that. I always thought he should be" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Eh, he's got a real job now. He's a lawyer." }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "Ah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How about you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ben", "value": "Still acting." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fantastic." }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "Actually, it's exciting. I'm in a new movie... \"Maple drive\"... just came out." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're kidding me. Look at me... I know somebody famous." }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "Uh, anyway, I got to go. Great to see you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good to see you, too. Yeah. Kid's a movie star. Hey, how'd it go in there?" }, { "from": "Many", "value": "No cavities, and I got a free toothbrush." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you want to go to the movies? I just heard about a good one." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "But I'm supposed to be in school." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're supposed to floss, too, but you got away with that one. Come on. Let's go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Frank", "value": "Your mother-in-law just had to have the dog. Turns out she's allergic." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And the pet store didn't have a grace period or a return" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "I got him from the pound." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Was there a twister in Kansas? 'Cause there's a house in my driveway." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Welcome home, Mr. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Always a pleasure, Mr. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Indeed it is, Mr. Dunphy. Place it there." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ah, I shall, I shall." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "I miss this. Get in here!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "My dad is awesome. He's awesome. He's always up. He's always happy. I mean, he and I are best buds. We're like two peas in a pod or Siamese twins or a snake with two heads." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They've actually been all those things for Halloween." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, this must be Scout, huh?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "I should warn you... he sheds. I made the mistake of letting him sleep with me on the road. Now my sheets look like two bigfoots did it. pardon the language." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How's mom?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Speaking of big feet, eh? She is on a cruise with her girlfriends, some of which are not totally unattractive. Mm. Uh, that reminds me... she sent some gifts for the kids. Um, I will be right back. You three get better acquainted." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Will do. Claire : Fun. Phil : Will do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I cannot believe you got a dog without consulting me. This was a major family decision." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It was wrong." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But we have talked about getting a dog for years, and you're the only one who wasn't into it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because I knew that I would be the one taking care of it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's not true." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, we will all help." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is a great chance to teach the kids responsibility." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is exactly what you said about Luke's paper route." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman", "value": "Hello? Is anyone in there?" }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "Red's a good color on you." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's just a movie." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, he's so cute!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Look at his little face." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I always wanted a dog. Thanks, grandpa." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, but remember, having a dog is a major responsibility. Everyone in the family has to pitch in." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Can do, Mrs. D." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not you, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh, phew. 'Cause I got a lot on my plate right now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, look who's here. Uncle Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, we heard about the new addition, And we had to come right over!" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Cameron, so good to see you again. Now, that is a shirt. Cameron: Oh, well, thank you, Frank. I get them online. I'll send you a link." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Oh, well, at home, I smoke sausages. I'll send you a link." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "classic." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "And this must be Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes. She just couldn't wait to meet the new doggy. I think she's good right here. Let me get in there and get some of that dogginess. Oh, there it is." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Haley, I got to go." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "That was Brian. He just quit the band." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? Why?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "He's moving to Portland. His parents got back together." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, that sucks." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I know. Now we're gonna have to cancel the gig tomorrow." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Maybe you can find another drummer." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "No, I think it's too late for that now." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I play drums." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Huh?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I mean, I haven't played in a while since Lily's come along, But if you're in a jam... I can jam." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Well, you know, I totally would, But I'm not sure we like" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, what, because I'm gay I'm just gonna want to play show tunes?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "No, because you're old." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow, that hurt more, Dylan." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Give him a chance. It's better than canceling." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "You're right. Don't want to lose the deposit on that fog machine. Okay, let's do it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I used to be a music teacher, But I gave that up as soon as Lily came along." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, well, we just felt that it was really important that" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, and that's not a judgment on other people's choices. It's just that we happen to be a very traditional family." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, that's what the disabled lesbian shaman who" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm telling you Phil, the man was crying." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is impossible. My dad is the happiest guy on earth. It probably just sounded like he was crying. Have you heard the noises he makes when he gets out of a chair?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, he came here alone. Think about it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's on a cruise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, and they never take separate vacations, so..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. No, if something was wrong, my dad would tell me about it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, Phil, he wouldn't, because you guys never actually talk about anything." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We talk all the time. He crank-calls me at work like three" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Crank calls don't count." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It counts for fun." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, honestly, I think that you should find out what's going on with your dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's going to be nothing. My dad isn't like your dad. There's" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I think he wants to go out. Go boy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Smart dog." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I hate to break it to you, but I think all dogs can do that." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm gonna play outside. Ow! What happened?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, should I just play a little something?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah, but, you know, if it doesn't work out, Don't feel bad. Cameron: Well, hopefully this is... this is like riding a bicycle and will all come back to me. That's the loud one. So...Here we go. Hm Oh, silly me. I had the sticks in the wrong hands." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Neal", "value": "Dude, you should label those sticks." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Is that the alarm? Has our perimeter been breached?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not the alarm. The doorbell won't stop ringing." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe a demon is ringing it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not a demon." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! Who keeps ringing the doorbell?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We're pretty sure it's a demon." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, yeah? There. If it were a demon, it would keep on ringing." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Not if he's already inside. I'm getting a weapon." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What were you thinking? Who takes a little boy to a horror movie? That's loco, Jay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why would they send a soviet colonel to get a little boy?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because I could identify every commie plane." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What are we talking about?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, all I'm saying, being scared is part of growing up. Manny will get over this. It builds character." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'll take the first watch. You two might as well get some" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Character." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dad?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Come on in. It's open." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Don't tell me... you need a cup of sugar." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nah, just, uh... I was just wondering, I don't know, uh... anything on the old noodle?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Other than a bad toupee? I'm kidding, of course. This is" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, okay." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Wait a minute. I want task you something. Am I'm putting you in a bad position with this whole dog thing? Claire seemed a little...Put out." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, don't worry about it. Claire didn't like me at first, either." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "I can't blame her. Dismissed." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, dad, um, you know what? I, uh... Claire saw something, and she'd kill me if I... if I didn't ask." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "What is it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Would you wear pants to breakfast, for crying out loud?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "You got me again. Right in the funny bone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Scout. Let go of it. No, no, no! Ugh! Dog. Look at this!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How did he get a hold of your bra?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, uh, we were out on a date, and he has a really nice car, so... how do you think? He got it out of the laundry basket. I can't take my eyes off that dog for a second." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why don't you just keep him in the crate?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I tried that. He figured out how to get out. I thought you were dealing with your dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah. I did. He's fine, so..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Whoa, you got that from a two-minute conversation?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I asked him point-blank if he was okay. He said he was, so I just... just swapped some jokes and moved on." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, the man needs more of a push than that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look, if he wants to talk to me about it, he will. Geez, someone's panties are in a bunch." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I thought I was showing concern and..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, right there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. That damn dog." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Guys, a little help. I have to go to the bathroom, And I'm not gonna do it in here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, I got Chinese." }, { "from": "Craig", "value": "Sweet. I'm starving." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, we have guests." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, hey. We were just having a little jam session. You know Dylan. This is Craig. This is Neal." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'll always remember him as the stranger holding my" }, { "from": "baby. Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second? Cameron", "value": "Uh, yeah. Uh, hey, guys, let's... let's just take five. Mitchell : what's up with you and Jump street?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Oh, well, their drummer quit, And I'm gonna fill in" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. We have Pepper's après-ski fondue party tomorrow night, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So you'll just have to tell your band that they're gonna have to find someone else." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what? No, I'm not gonna let these fellas down. I made a commitment." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You made two commitments, okay? And you know" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, I remember. I got so hot last year, I almost went" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So I'm going by myself. Is that what you're saying?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I just feel like I kind of need this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "To round out your college applications?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's just that because I'm always home with Lily, I just feel like I'm going a little bit stir crazy. Look at the den. Every time I finish painting it, I start all over again. It's like the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm gonna go back to jamming." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, we got to fix this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, what's with the big sweater at a concert? Is that a gay thing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, dad, it's for my friend pepper's après-ski fondue..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I hope they start soon. I don't think Scout likes to be left alone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You love the dog." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I don't love the dog. I love my couch, and the dog was looking at it like it was a giant sausage." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Good news, you two. You're getting your driveway back." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, already?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Anxious to get home and see mom, huh?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "No, I'm just gonna drive wherever the wind blows me, which is usually into the next lane." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Can we get some sodas, grandpa?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Okay, but just one. I'm driving. Come on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's not going home? He's never been away from my mom for longer than a doctor's appointment." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I know. I told you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Our boyfriends totally rock!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know, right?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Come on!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, go brush your teeth and get ready for bed, okay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your bed." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can I watch TV? Gloria : Only 10 minutes. Manny : Okay." }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "Hey, Jay, it's Ben Dugan. I got your message. Uh, yes, I'm happy to help out. I'll swing by tonight." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's that?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's Ben. That's the guy who was in the movie. I figured when Manny sees him, sees how nice he is. He'll realize it's all pretend." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You think that will work?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That guy's a sweetheart. Manny's gonna spend two minutes with him. He'll explain how the movie's made. He's even bringing his fake machete. Thing's made of rubber." }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "Hey, are you Manny? I'm here for you! Look what I got." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Aah! Mom, he's here!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Que pasó?! Que pasó?! Que pasó?! Ay! We're gonna need a bigger bed." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, geez." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God. I think that's him." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey! You stayed." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Well, you know, I'm... I'm with the band. Cameron: I thought the gig was a little sloppy in spots, but I think once I learn all the songs..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I thought... I thought this was a one-time thing. Cameron: Are you kidding? We destroyed in there. Did you hear that one lady screaming my name?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That was Phil. He had a red bull." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, guys, good gig, huh?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah, totally awesome." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Heck of a gig. Brian : Hey, guys." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey. I thought you were in Portland." }, { "from": "Brian", "value": "No, my parents broke up again. I'm not moving. I can stay in the band." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, this... this is awkward." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Uh..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, a-awkward for me. Good luck following that, Ringo." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Frank", "value": "I believe this belongs to you. I don't want to drag the house along with me. Come here, you little monkeys." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Bye, grandpa, we'll miss you. Frank : I wish I could take you with me. Alex : Yeah, drive safe, grandpa." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "I'll try." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You sure you don't want to stay for breakfast? Frank : No, I ought to be hitting the road. Whelp...Adiós. Phil : Dad, hold on." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Can I talk to you for a second?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Guys." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't think you're being honest with me. I-I know something is going on with you. What's up?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Something up? Well, my boxers are, uh, riding a little high. Phil : I'm not in the mood for jokes right now, Although you nailed that." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Thanks. Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great stuff." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Thanks. It's nothing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, it's nothing? Nothing to do with mom?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "No! Well...Yeah. I've fallen in love." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my God! Who is she?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "He." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "It's that little guy right over there. Come on over here. Come on. Come on. There you go. Oh, look at him. Driving across country, this little bastard nuzzled his way right into my heart. Didn't you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, this is just about you not wanting to leave the dog? Well," }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Those three days on the road with him were the happiest of my life." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You should leave that part out." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't want to keep Scout if it makes grandpa sad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I know, sweetie, but grandma has allergies, so Scout has to stay with us." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, she could always just get some allergy shots. Claire : Honey, you don't want to put her through that. Frank : Well, hell, back in the day, I got a vasectomy for her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dad, dad, please. Scout's... Scout's your dog. He should go with you." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Okay, you twisted my arm. Thanks, son. Thanks for" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're poking through the armor down there." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Made you look." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "You are a treasure. Come on, Scout. Let's mosey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, oh, oh, oh, wait. He loves that." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Oh, I bet he does." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "No, scout. This time, I drive." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You still got it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I might have actually gotten even closer with my dad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't believe he took my dog." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Kids", "value": "Bye, grandpa!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Love you! Bye, dad." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Bye, grandpa! I love you!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, stay! Luke, stay!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Come back soon! I'll see you later!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, stay!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Frank." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Hey, Jay! Good to see you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Great to see you. Didn't expect to find you here." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Well, listen, when my granddaughter's boyfriend's band plays an under-21 club with my daughter-in-law's brother's gay partner, I show up. That's just how I was raised." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't think you met my wife, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Well, it's a pleasure. You are a lovely woman." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You must be Frank." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Okay, then. You are hotter than a Las Vegas sidewalk on the 4th of July. Did I go too far?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not you, Frank. No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I forgot to ask, did it hurt?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What hurt?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "When you fell and landed on earth." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Fall from... Oh. Because I'm an angel! Why are you so sweet?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe just 'cause I'm so damn happy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Today is Jay's birthday. So I'm taking him to Hawaii for a whole week." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Big suite in Maui, just the two of us. Got Manny tied up in" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "This whole thing was a big surprise. I did it all myself..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Cost me a fortune." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "In case I forget to say it a few hundred times this week, thank you." }, { "from": "Everybody", "value": "Happy Birthday!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the heck?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mwah! Surprise, dad." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The whole family is coming with us!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Uh-huh. Jay : They are?! Alex : Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, and Mitch and Cameron and Lily, too. Claire : Yeah, and Phil... he's just checking the bags. Jay : Wow. That's... wow!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, it was all Gloria's idea. She bought all of our tickets and everything." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really? Claire : Yeah. Jay : Everyone's?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's your birthday. I didn't spare any expense." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, gee. Thank you, honey. Are they, uh, all gonna be up with us in first class?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no, silly goat. You think I'm made of money? Hmm!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course not." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks, Daryl. I know I got a lot of baggage, but don't worry, I'm seeing a therapist. Just kidding, I'm fine. Hey! Daryl, I know these guys. Can I borrow your hat? This will be hilarious." }, { "from": "Daryl", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Aloha, Uncle Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Hey! You guys excited about the trip?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, we're so excited. You know, this is my first time." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, I know, it's surprising. People always say I scream \"Hawaii.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Who says that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "People." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What people? Cameron : You don't know them. Phil : Hey, Lily. Hi!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. Oh, n... I forgot my wallet!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's all right. I have cash." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, I can't get on the plane without my I.D. Thanks a lot, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How is this my fault? Because if you had done what I" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, we still need to pack Lily's toys, Print the boarding passes... oh Stop the newspaper. Hey, no, wait. What are you doing? I just packed those." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, she just looks so cute in this outfit. I want her" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nothing you just said made any sense to me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jasper and his mother are coming over for a playdate. We scheduled it weeks ago." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're about to leave for the airport!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not for an hour, And this is the only time Jasper could do it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? How full is Jasper's calendar?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is a coup. When you get in with Jasper, doors open. He's a legacy at happy time preschool." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're kissing up to a 10-month old?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I just want him to like us. Okay, that's them." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, but just in and out. You know, we still have a million things to do." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Would you relax? You always worry. It always gets" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ah. Who am I kidding? I-I'm not making this flight. Phil : Unh-unh. I can get you home and back before the plane takes off. Let's go! Daryl, see if you can stall the plane. That's... I will get you later." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I really... I really don't think there's enough time." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, just... I'll meet you at the gate. Go!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, but you won't get on the plane without me, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Well..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Seriously? You were gonna get on the plane?! Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just go!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nope. Gotta get that one. Door. Okay. I can't... ohh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. Just drive! Just drive! Just drive! I'll get the luggage!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, check out that cute guy." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "He's out of your league. He's reading a book." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Here today, gone to Maui!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey. Have you seen Phil?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, he drove Mitchell back to get his wallet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, he said he's gonna make it back in time, but I think it's gonna be close." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So he left me here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley is still asleep! And I have no idea where Luke is. And are you even ready?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My bag's in the living room. Everything's gonna be okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, fine. I'm sorry, I'm a little tense." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Coffee'll help that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We've been over this. Air travel is incredibly safe." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. I know, but at the end of the day, it is still a building on its side being thrown from one place to another." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not in the movie." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not helping." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Do you want to take something, maybe calm your nerves?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, I want to be alert if the kids need me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What a mom. Sometimes I wish you were my mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God, Phil. I'm already feeling a little queasy. I hate this feeling. I hate it, and it's just gonna get worse and worse until the flight." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. It's gonna be fine. Uncle Phil's here. Great job, buddy!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Coming." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, come on, girls." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Okay, this is why we practice. Alex : Coming through. Coming through. Phil : 15 seconds. Are we ready?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I think so." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's go time!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go. All right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. Straight to the car. Straight through. Very nice!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, let's go, let's go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. I think we got an extra couple of seconds." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, we don't." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, come on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I will never get tired of this." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Me neither. You know what would be cool, mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's that?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "If the plane flew into a storm and crash-landed onto an island like in Lost\"!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ow. Ow. Ow." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Something wrong there, Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, I'm just breaking in a new pair of hiking shoes. This always happens. All the men in my family have wide ankles. I have an Uncle that can only wear bell bottoms. Hand to God." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I wasn't doubting you. Just, why are you wearing the hiking" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Surprise!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What, again?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Every morning, the whole family is gonna go hiking. And then, at the end of the week, we all gonna make it to the top of the volcano!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Every morning, huh?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes. When Cam suggested it, I knew you were gonna love it, baby." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, so this was your idea?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Happy Birthday, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Aw, thanks, buddy. Ow. Hi, sweetheart. She's smiling. Yes, I'm going hiking!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Look, mom, I'm pregnant." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. You still got to take your Dramamine. Cameron : Oh, does somebody get a little motion sickness? Luke : Yeah, I throw up all the time." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, then Dramamine's the way to go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What the hell are you doing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I'm just trying to keep her awake so she'll sleep on the plane." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Nobody likes a crying baby on a flight. It's... it's very stressful." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, uh, last year, I flew back from New York. Next to a" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was on that flight with you, and I don't recall... Oh, I get it. You're talking about me. That's very funny." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, we couldn't get tickets to \"Billy Elliot\" all he" }, { "from": "wanted to do was dance. Cameron", "value": "And that's my story. Mitchell : Yeah, five hours of this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I just want to dance at the ballet!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Dramamine... oh, I wish I had that the last time I flew. I'll tell you, the plane was rocking up and down, Back and forth. I thought the wings were gonna snap off, honestly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, you do it yourself. Use your teeth." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Relax, Pumpkin, I got this. It's all about knowing the route. You're talking to a guy who made his way through college by driving a pedicab. You know what one of those is?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, yes. I just saw one pass us." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Quick, who sang \"Evil woman\"? Man : What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, where the hell are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh...let's see. Oh, shoot, I just missed my turn." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're supposed to be here with me. I told you, I get more and more freaked out as we get closer to the flight!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I know, but Mitch..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was counting on you to be here, so, thanks... a lot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's pretty tightly wound. Some people are just built that way." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Honestly, could you drive any slower?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Guess where the world's largest wind generator is." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is it right behind me?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Nope. It's on the island of Oahu. I'm thinking about using it in my song about Hawaii." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What song?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Didn't mom tell you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Surprise! The whole family's putting on a show for you for your birthday. Everybody's performing! Even Phil brought his dummy! Isn't that great? Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry, I was just thinking how tragic it would be if I" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, papi, don't say that." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ow. Ow. Ow. Not yet, sweetie. Not yet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "See, he's perfect. Look at him getting coffee and not putting chocolate in it. He's so mature." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What about Dylan?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dylan's not that guy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley! Come on! We're leaving in two minutes! Get up!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh, no. Is it tomorrow?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dylan, what are you doing here?!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I was gonna go, but then you fell asleep, and since you're leaving for a week, I wanted to stare at you as long as I could." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You have to go. My parents are gonna think we did it!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "As if." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, get out of the house, and make sure that nobody sees you!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I'll miss you. When you're gone, it's like I'm this prisoner" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful, but you have to go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I hate this feeling. I hate it, and it's just gonna get worse" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. It's gonna be fine. Uncle Phil's here. Great job, buddy! First one ready!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Haley and Alex, let's go!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Coming! Phil : Bless you. Alex : Coming." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, come on, girls." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Okay, this is why we practice. Alex : Coming through. Coming through. Phil : 15 seconds. Are we ready?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's go time! Go. All right. Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Straight to the car. Straight through." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Very nice! All right, let's go, let's go. Hey. I think we got an extra couple of seconds." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": ": No, we don't." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, come on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": ": Oh, no!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "My keys!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is where your Realtor training comes in handy. Looks like a standard Porter & sons d-model top-lock. One quick swipe ought to pop it. All aboard. Okay. There we go. All right. Nice and easy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, whoa. Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. You're pinching. You're pinching." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sure I'm not too heavy?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Please, you weigh less than my paintball gear." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, okay. There we go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We are in." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yep." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Off-load. There we go. Squeezing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry, sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You all right?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yep. I'm good. I'm good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just making it a little tougher on the next guy. You got to get up pretty early... son of a... Oh, God!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you all right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I am. Oh, oh... just, uh, almost killed myself on your fire truck." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's not ours. That's, uh, Jasper's." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know Jasper?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I sold a house to his parents. How did you ever get a playdate with him?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let's go! Okay. Please... Cam... yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Look at him. He's sketching! He's like Leonardo DiCaprio in \"titanic.\" I bet he goes to art school. Do you think he's sketching us?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah. \"us.\"..." }, { "from": "Voice", "value": "5:35 to Boston may board at this time." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And contact. Ugh. It's Dylan. \"I'm trapped.\" Yeah, yeah, yeah, what a drama queen." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We will go whale \"washing,\" Explore the tropical forest, get back into the nature." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That sounds fun. Thanks." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Voice", "value": "Your attention, please. Would Manny Delgado please report to gate 22a? Manny Delgado to gate 22a." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Check it out, grandpa. The Dramamine's working. I'm not" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. Oh, watch the drink, kid. Ooh! Ooh, my Ludlums!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I-I'm sorry, grandpa." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, relax, relax. We might be okay here. It's not fair. It's not fair." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Security", "value": "Excuse me, ma'am. Is this Manny Delgado?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Security", "value": "Your son's name is on a no-fly list." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, please, we've been through this at the check-in. He's not the same Manny Delgado." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel." }, { "from": "Security", "value": "We just have a few questions to ask. Gloria : No, this is a mistake. Where is my husband? Security : Wait. Step this way, ma'am." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Security", "value": "Ma'am. Ma'am, step this way, please?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay!" }, { "from": "Security", "value": "Son? No pushing! Step this way." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay!!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Could you make it a double? I'm traveling with my family." }, { "from": "Barman", "value": "No problem." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, life would be simpler if I was gay. Mitchell : Do you think you could get in the fast lane? Phil : Oh, I could totally get in the fast lane." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I mean the road." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ooh, I'm getting a text. What does it say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um Oh, g... well, it's nothing. It's the alarm company. It says your... your house was broken into." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's nothing. They'll take care of it. Just drive!!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What happened?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, fun airport game." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All right, you pick out a traveler... you come up with their entire story. Okay, this guy, his name's Henry. He's on his way to Phoenix to visit his grandmother, whose name is, uh... Unh! Pass. Too hard. Your turn." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, fine. I see a woman, uh, wracked with fear, whose" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Where? Where? Who is she?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Me. I made it perfectly clear to Phil that I needed him here. Cameron : It's going around. Mitchell's mad at me, too. He thinks because I didn't help him pack this morning, He forgot his wallet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What am I, a psychic?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it's not about reading minds. It's about knowing what your partner needs." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here's an idea. Just say, \"help me.\" You don't even have to say \"me\" just \"help.\" Then he'll know exactly what you want. You won't have to get all mad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm not mad. It's just... You know, you want to believe" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "So...Airports, huh?" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Are you drawing something there?" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "Eh, it's no good." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Tortured artist. Classic." }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "Oh. Yeah. It's a robot!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, yeah, sure is. What's behind him?" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "A dinosaur. It's for school. We're supposed to make a comic strip." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We had to do that, too, back in the eighth..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Shut up." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"He's my soul mate.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_40", "conversations": [ { "from": "Voice", "value": "This is the final boarding announcement for..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Whatcha drinking?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad. Hey. Mostly tonic, actually, thanks to my new sponsor here. I'm a little jittery about flying." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you talking about? You fly all the time." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. I know. This started just in the last couple years. I think I'm just... I'm nervous 'cause I've got so much to lose now, you know? What about you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm taking a break from my vacation." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We haven't even started yet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I got to figure I might not have a lot of time for myself, You know, what with the luaus, the hiking, The talent shows." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you not happy that we're coming with you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's just not what I expected." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But, dad... Doesn't it feel good to know that your whole family is willing to drop everything to be with you, to fly across the ocean in a steel coffin? I'm gonna finish that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not you guys. I love the family." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It just kinda feels like Gloria's going out of her way not to spend time with me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't believe that, do you? Oh, come on, dad. That is" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I didn't say I wasn't lovable." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's not every wife that would spend the money to fly a family to Hawaii." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, where does everybody think Gloria's money comes" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_41", "conversations": [ { "from": "Security", "value": "So, what kind of business did you have in Japan?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I've never been to Japan." }, { "from": "Security", "value": "You didn't go to Osaka in November 2003" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I was 4." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_42", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Enough. Why don't you question the other people in the gate, huh? Did you see the old lady with the cane? What if she has a ceramic knife in there that can go through the metal detector? And yet you waste your time harassing a little kid!" }, { "from": "Security", "value": "Ma'am, you seem to know an awful lot about sneaking" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, I'm Colombian." }, { "from": "Security", "value": "Have you ever been to Japan?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I would like to make a phone call." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_43", "conversations": [ { "from": "Voice", "value": "Ladies and gentlemen, pre-boarding for our flight to Maui Will begin in the next few minutes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, please stop spinning." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Now make the airport stop spinning." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We made it! Mitchell : Cameron, Claire : Oh, boy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God, thank God you're here! Hi! Oh, honey. Mwah!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I am so sorry. Claire : It was my fault. Phil : It wasn't your fault." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I should have known what you wanted." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you drunk?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Kinda." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_44", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "And once I spent a week in Cancún, which, by the way, did not live up to the hype." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on?" }, { "from": "Security", "value": "We're almost done here, sir. So you and your son are traveling together." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Security", "value": "Then why are you departing Maui on different dates?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, because... he's traveling back home with his family." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_45", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Surprise! They're only staying for six days. The rest of the time, it's only you and me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm-hmm. I wanted to spend some time alone with my husband, drink cocktails by the pool, sleep in." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mm. I could not love you any more than I do right now." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I also found a topless beach." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I was wrong." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_46", "conversations": [ { "from": "Boarding Attendant", "value": "Mr. Jackson, have a great flight. It's to the left. Oh, gorgeous." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, thank you. It's vintage." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I think he meant Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You don't know that." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yo, there's another hottie for you at 5:00." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's whale \"watching.\" Gloria : Whale \"washing.\" Jay : \"watching.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"watshing.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's close enough." }, { "from": "Boarding Attendant", "value": "Hi, sir. Have a good flight, sir." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Quick, do your zombie impression." }, { "from": "Boarding Attendant", "value": "Oh, she hasn't been drinking, has she?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no, no, no. She's ...she's hilarious. Okay, let's do \"bride of Frankenstein.\" Oh! That is so... so good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Aloha Lily." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Aloha... oh, let's do it one more time, the dog was hiding her face." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, go back." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, no, no! No, we're not doing it a third time. No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There she is, the prettiest woman on Malui. Milady." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Actually, Claire and I were supposed to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "...But something else came up. Claire : I got pregnant with Haley. Phil : My bad!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We didn't even have a proper wedding. We just went down to the courthouse on a Tuesday." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The judge sentenced me to life with no chance of parole." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You begged me to marry you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's true. I did." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! Hold on, my bride. Allow me. Claire : Oh! Whoa. What are you doin'? Phil : Being romantic. God, you're solid. Claire : Sweetie, put me down." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Go on. Okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, come on." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let's turn this vacation into a honeymoon." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweet pea, I'm a mom traveling with my kids. For me, this is not a vacation. It's a business trip. Let's go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Everybody", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This'll do." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's beautiful." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Aloha! Welcome to the four seasons Maui." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What do you think, Manny?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm home." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I can't believe we have our own hotel room." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Score! There's an iron in here! Don't you want to keep our room neat? You know, in case we entertain." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Who would we entertain?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I enticed some lovely tweens down by the kids club. Maybe we can find a nice spot near them by the pool and send over a couple of virgin mai tais. They may be interested in two sophisticated men like us." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I am a bathroom martian. Beep. Boop. Boop. I'm from the" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I want the biggest cheeseburger you got. Instead of salad, I want fries. Instead of fruit, I want chili fries." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, sweetie, put the phone down and put on some" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Totally." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Listen. They put on the littlest bit of sunscreen in the morning, and they think it's got them covered for the... Are you watching Gloria in my sunglasses?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Is she moving in slow motion, or is my brain doing that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, this is important." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Go ahead. I'm glistening." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, everybody! We're on our way to see the world's largest banyan tree. Does anybody want to come?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now, why the hell would anyone want to leave paradise," } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We've made friends all over the world. We're still in touch with Elunga, a man we met on safari in Tanzania." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We actually send him all of our old clothes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He was a very nice man when we met him, but based on his recent letters, I have a small fear he's become a warlord." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, I'm gonna go to the gym to work out a little bit. You want to come with me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, look at this. My brother. What's up, jackass? Tommy : Happy birthday, you dumb son of a bitch. Jay : Ha! My birthday's tomorrow, moron." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I never understood this relationship." }, { "from": "Tommy", "value": "So, 63, right?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you can count." }, { "from": "Tommy", "value": "You know dad was 63 when he died. Huh? Hello?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thanks for reminding me." }, { "from": "Tommy", "value": "Ah, don't worry. He never took care of himself. He ate like crap and drank too much. So, anyway, Irene's begging me..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Gloria, wait up. I'm comin'." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Hi." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, I was thinking we book a couple's massage." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I accidentally looked in on one. They seemed really relaxed until they noticed me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, that's enough. Get off the phone. Luke! Pull up" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This bathing suit looks great on you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thanks, sweetie. Haley, come on. Off the phone." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No way! Kira got her hair straightened?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, consider this a grand gesture of my love." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What are you... oh my god! What did you do?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, what are you thinking? That is an expensive cell phone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's just the beginning. Buckle your seatbelt, lady. You're" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "In nature, fathers are known to eat their young. Is it because they're delicious? No. It's because they want to give their female... Bear, giraffe, what have you... the honeymoon they never had. Just to be clear, I'm not condoning eating your kids, but I sure as heck know why giraffes do it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, sleepy!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, honey! Get out of bed! I just booked us on an outrigger." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But it's your birthday. You don't want to sleep in?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just came from the gym. Guess how much I benched?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know. 500 pounds." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "500 pounds? What am I, a forklift?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Manny's the worst roommate ever. Everything he finds, he folds." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know... sweetie, it's only for a few more days. Luke : Last night we had a fire drill. Not the hotel. Just us. Claire : Hi, guys." }, { "from": "Everybody", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, what's today's big adventure? I'll bet the kids want to go with you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, it is a big one the lavender ranch, Where they grow 45 different varieties of lavender. 45." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You hear that, kids? 45 different varieties. Yeah, I can't sell" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, more lavender for us." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, Haley keeps stealing my ipod." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "All my music is on my phone. What else am I supposed to do?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Manny watches the news. You guys don't even watch the" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Aloha. Hi. Sorry, folks. This pool is for adults only." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Aw." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't turn around." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Trust me. Just keep walking." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wait. Where are you guys going? Guys? What just happened?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ooh, so, we can drink lavender tea while eating lavender scones." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, neat. So is this an all-day thing, or..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. I know what you're thinking, Cam. Don't worry" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Good. So..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Cameron : I can't. Mitchell : What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I-I don't want to go. I know I said I'm not a stay-by-the- pool type of guy, but I really am, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What are you saying?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm saying that I like adventure, but not every minute of every day. Can you just go by yourself?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But the lavender ranch... It's... it's something two men" }, { "from": "are meant to do together. Bus driver", "value": "On or off, folks? Mitchell : Well, I'm on." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm off." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Think about what you're missing, Cam. It's an entire ranch full of lavender." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're not making the compeling case you think you" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you little monkeys! No standing around! There you go! Here goes another one! There you go! Here! Here comes another one! There you go! I thought you were one of ours." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hey, Jay! Be careful. You're gonna hurt somebody...Like" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't get too comfortable. I reserved us a tennis court." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You look prettier now than the day we got married." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, and you are even more handsome." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I did pushups in the bathroom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "you're funny." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're nice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have always been nice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I've always been funny." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom? Dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ignore her. That could be anyone." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Phil and Claire Dunphy?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, Haley? Honey, what is it?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm gonna go get some shaved ice at the hotel next door with some kids." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What kids?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just some kids I met at the pool." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I should go with her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, no. You have to learn to let go. Turning a family vacation into a honeymoon takes commitment. You can do it. Eye of the tiger." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I should at least meet them." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. That is not eye of the tiger." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Okay. All right, hey, honey. Go and have fun. And be back in time for your grandfather's birthday dinner, okay?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thank you! Claire : Okay! All right! Phil : Bye, honey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god. That feels weird and good all at once." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know. I was leaning up against that nozzle a minute ago." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, you're back. How was it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cameron, it was the most incredible thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Really? And you know who else was there? Who? Elton John. Yes, and he was so blown away by the beauty of it, He sat down at their lavender piano and played \"tiny dancer.\" and we bonded, because he, too, likes adventure." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did that really happen?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, that didn't really happen. I'm just trying to get back at you for bailing on me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry! If it means anything, we've been relaxing" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I-I can't. I just don't... I don't find relaxing that relaxing." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I understand. You are who you are. Leilani." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what? You know, I-I think it's because of my parents." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It always is. Kipu." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I mean, vacation with my mom and my dad Was them sitting around like statues When, you know, the only thing that me and Claire could do for excitement was... Oh... was, you know, sit around and listen to my skin sizzle." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You poor thing. Sue." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So that's like... that's why, when I'm on vacation, I want to go out and meet the locals. I want to immerse myself in the culture. You know, I don't want to sloth around all day... Ah, sweet Lady Gaga, that is good. Oh! Oh, thank you. Mmm! What's this called?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Happiness." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm curious. Is there any sand left on the beach, or did you bring it all up to our bathroom?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sorry, mom." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And now you're sitting on my linen jacket. I guess I can't have nice things." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know it was there." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's okay. Oh! Luke! Stop! I'm wearing that tonight." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm wrinkling your linen! I'm wrinkling your linen!" }, { "from": "Many", "value": "Ooh! You know what? Out! I want you out! This isn't working! I don't care where you go, as long as you don't stay here! Luke : What are you saying?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What don't you understand about \"out\"?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Fine. I'll just move in with my sisters. Ooh! Ooh!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, no. Who will pee all over the bathroom floor?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I was brushing my teeth at the same time. You try to do that!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What did you do today?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I napped." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You did?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I haven't napped in years. Cameron : Yeah, it feels good, doesn't it? Mitchell : Mm-hmm. Good and weird." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Kind of like that one nozzle in the infinity pool." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I wouldn't know. Phil was hogging it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Is it me, or is Lily more relaxed, too?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yes. She is. I think it's because she's really picking up on our energy. You know, it's like, if we're tense, she's gonna be tense. And I think we need to bring this new energy home." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's gonna make us better parents. Lily! Oh! Oh! You let" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What? What happened?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You didn't bring her out!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I thought you had her. I thought you had her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on. Let me paint you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, sweetie, that is so creepy. Where is everyone?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, let me just say what everyone's thinking. My jacket's a mess. It wouldn't be, But someone used the iron to make grilled cheese." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I had bread, I had cheese, and I had an iron. What was I" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kids, kids... We don't care." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola. Hola." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm sorry I'm late. Where is Jay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He's not with you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, he came down a long time ago." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, don't worry. I'll go have a look around." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, he's probably in the ocean trying to pull a tugboat with his teeth." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, look who decided to join us. And where is your sister?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She is in our bathroom throwing up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, what happened?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're not going to like this as much as I do, but... She's drunk." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I knew I never should have let her go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go, go!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's awesome." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Guaranteed our bathroom is still messier." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Where is the elevator?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Where?! I don't know! I'm taking the stairs!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily, we're coming for you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, you. Where you headed?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, remember earlier, in the pool, when you convinced me to let Haley go next door With complete strangers?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And you were totally on board, yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm, yeah, well, she got drunk, and now she's upstairs throwing up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But she's just a kid. Who would serve her?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We did, honey... on a silver platter. Look, you convinced me to relax and let go, and now this happens." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry, but we... we shouldn't feel bad about wanting a" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, this isn't a honeymoon. We have kids. You have got to let this go. From now on, I am not losing sight of them for two seconds. Nothing gets past me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Did you find Jay? I'm getting worried." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry. I have to deal with Haley." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. You know what, sweetie? I will deal with Haley. You go see if you can find dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll look for him out there." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Lily, where are you going, huh?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm so sorry. Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow, what were you thinking?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "One of the kids had an I.D., and she bought some drinks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I tried one and then another one. It was stupid." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Yes, it was stupid. But you are really lucky that this did not end as badly as it could have. This is why we always say to you, \"when you drink, you make bad decisions.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I know. I know. I just..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "One minute, you're having wine coolers at homecoming, and the next... The game of \"truth or Claire\" sweeps your high school." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thanks for not yelling at me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey... That would just be cruel. I'll wait till you feel better to yell." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't think I'll ever feel better. Does this happen every" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Yes, it does." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Over here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Hey. What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm stuck. I laid down. My back went out." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, well, don't you worry. We're gonna get you out of here. Grab on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, Phil, this might not be the best..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no, no, no. I'm just gonna rock you. Like a hurricane. I'm kidding. You're too old to get that. Here we go." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait, why don't you just get someone who works here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, this is gonna work." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And...Oh! Ooh, wow! It's spasming. Don't move. Don't move." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. I don't want to get..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Um..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "By the way, I just want to thank you for this trip. It's really been the vacation of a lifetime." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nothing weird. Aloha. I keep my wallet in my front pocket, so that's... That's what that is." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Neck going..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Anyone! Anyone, help! Cameron : Security! Seal off the island! Mitchell : This way. This way. Lily!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lily!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "you looking for someone?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily. We were so worried. We just got distracted. We're idiots." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay. Don't beat yourself up. I used to lose Manny all the" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She's right, you know." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did she say my father's missing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hmm?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "We say we'll make time, but life gets in the way. I mean, I know we're parents, But can't we be lovers, too?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This may be my worst birthday ever." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "There you are." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, hi, honey. Hey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He was stuck in a hammock. It was actually really funny. I was on top of him for like 20 minutes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You need to go now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good night." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey. My back seized up." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, because you overdid it after that phone call about your father." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't believe I'm as old as he was. Let me sit down here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm sure." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And he'd have loved you. My god. That guy was a charmer." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm, I know the type." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, we had a lot of fun. But I'll tell you something. Our family vacations were nothing like this here. One week a year in a rented cottage on lake erie, Spiders this big. I just wish he could have seen how things turned out." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, if you keep going like this, Maybe you can tell him" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, I wore you out, huh?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, no, no, no. Don't get cocky, old man. When I sit down, I can still get up." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey. Hey." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come here. Come here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "The rest of the trip went better. Haley's room stopped spinning." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And the monkey?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "There she is!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey. Do you want some eggs benedict? So creamy. No. No?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay got back to the vacation he always wanted. And Mitch and Cam managed to do some sightseeing at a working banana plantation..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "...Where they promptly lost Lily again. Mitchell : Why did you dress her in jungle print? Cameron : Because I thought it would be cute!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She's gonna think she's back in Vietnam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lily! Lily, honey!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Me and Claire? We... We had a great time. But we never did get that honeymoon." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think I just expected a little too much from this vacation." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You were so sweet to try." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It was dumb. Like you said, the thrill is gone." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I never said that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, it's over. But wait. Put a few seconds back on the clock. The kid still has a few moves." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I figured out why we couldn't have a honeymoon. Because we never had a wedding." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I still can't tell if you think this is lame or cool." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I think it's incredibly cool." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Looks like I finally get to walk you down the aisle." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Daddy!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ow! You better walk me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. I'll try." }, { "from": "Minister", "value": "We're here today to celebrate the renewing of the marriage vows of Phil and Claire. On this day, they've chosen to reaffirm their love for each other. You may kiss your bride." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Minister", "value": "I present to you, still as husband and wife, Mr. And Mrs. Dunphy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Male voice", "value": "…Thank you for choose Continental Airlines. Good night from Maui to Los Angeles." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. You know, honey, if anything were ever to" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. That was a little fast." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no. I ju... I just want to make you happy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Any idea of who you would marry if..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Vicki Conroy, probably. She works in my office. She's very organized. The kids love her." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Are you guys talking about Vicki?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, she's awesome." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just so you know, if something were to happen to me, I..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, something's gonna happen to you, all right." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, hey! I had a great time at the game!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mwa! Why are you... crunching?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Please, just remember the family portrait. We only have the photographer for an hour." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay? And, sweetie, did you have a chance to try on the white pants I put in your closet?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, what do they look like?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is there really a more clear way to describe white pants? Sweetie, if they don't fit you, you're gonna be the only one not wearing white, and then you're gonna stand out like \"where's Waldo?\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Actually, \"where's Waldo?\" doesn't stand out. He's super" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This portrait is incredibly important to me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Also, his name is just Waldo. Sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I spent weeks trying to find a time that works for everybody and finding the right photographer. So if you could just promise me that you'll cooperate, okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I promise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is amazing that you're doing this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, thank you. Phil : You're wonderful. Claire : Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Get in here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no can do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": ": Oh. Oh. Phil : I love you. Claire : Bye." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Where's my good underwear?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The question is, why isn't all your underwear good, Jay? You make a nice living!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hola. You both speak the same language." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She's Portuguese. Do you know how offensive it is that you put all of us in the same mixing pot?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry. Please apologize to her when you tell her not to put" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I can't talk to her!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, guys." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Where's Luke?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm going instead." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke suddenly remembered a school project due tomorrow. Jay : Oh, that's tough. But it's a good lesson for the kid. You know, you made a commitment, you got to follow through." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is the project?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, he has to interview somebody who lived through the 1960s." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, no. Hello. Yeah, Luke. Oh, sure, I remember what I said." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yay. Manny, vamos!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I have been hired to sing at a wedding this weekend. I was plucked from obscurity after a particularly stirring karaoke performance. So I guess you could say I'm a professional singer now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know. Well, they're paying you in flowers, so..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I would have blown the money on flowers anyway. They're saving me a step. Plus, all the great divas are rewarded in flowers." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They're also given paychecks." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's just, I'm really bad at small talk, so..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I get it. It's not a problem." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you sure? Because you've been quiet all morning." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's because I'm resting my instrument." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. I feel tension." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Everyone", "value": "Kobe!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, what can I do for you? Do you like being a basketball...Player?" }, { "from": "Kobe", "value": "You serious?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I choked. I didn't think you'd look up here, at me. Kobe : Little preparation next time. It's a mental game. Phil : Dually noted." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That broken step. It's gonna ruin our whole family portrait." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, here's my idea. I'm really excited about it. The whole extended family, all dressed in white, in a single-file line down the staircase." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, like a line on the highway." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or a-a ski jump." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. Why... why would I want a ski jump?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know. My idea was to have the whole family on a giant bed like in \"Willy Wonka.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, but that's ridiculous." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ridicu-licious." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't see anything." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So I'm crazy?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No! You're...not." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Your father was supposed to fix that step." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, you're obsessing over the tiniest little thing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So you do see it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah. What is the big deal about this one picture?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you know what? I don't expect you to understand. But all right. When you're a mom, everything goes by so quickly. in a minute, Luke's gonna be shaving, And Alex is gonna be off at college, And... and you're gonna be... you're gonna be doing something great. Just want to freeze this moment as it is right now. You know?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I do. I know I don't show it, but this family's still the most" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm gonna fix the bastard. I mean, seriously, how hard can it be? If your father can do it, I can do it, right? All right. I just need to... like, lift..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh. Now I see it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh. Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "These seats are amazing!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why you have candy coming out of your pants?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Huh?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I brought my own snacks. Not because I'm cheap. It's. Plus, I get a little rush from the danger. Be cool! Be cool! Be cool! Just look straight ahead. I've never felt more alive. Whoo!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I just made it worse. I'm not freaking out, though. I'm gonna call your dad, And he's gonna tell me how to fix this." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"Oh, my God, it's dad\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Where?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Right there, behind Kobe!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, how weird is this?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Quick. Quick. Tell me something to say that'll freak him out." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Tell him I'm pregnant!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I'm not gonna say that. Okay, here we go. How funny is this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, it's Phil. You know what to do." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, that was pretty funny." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ohh. Ohh. Ohh. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry for that. Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There is a pigeon in our house! What do I do? What do I do?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who is this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Never funny. Not funny now." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Calm down. You know, I grew up around many animals. One time, a rooster attacked me, and my mom wrung its neck, and we had it for dinner." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Great time for an anecdote. Help me!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's more afraid of you than you are of it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Pigeons aren't scared of anything. They stand on electrical wires." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're gonna be fine, Mitchell. You know what? Just as long as you don't... Oh, you know what? They're starting. I got to go. Okay. Bye." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "As long as I don't what?! Cam, as long as I don't... Oh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Ooh, the kiss Cam! Wouldn't it be embarrassing if the camera was on us and then the crowd started..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We're related." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Not by blood." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Touch me, and there will be blood." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not us." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's wrong with you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's the kiss-cam... When it lands on you, you're supposed to kiss. It's my wife's dad's second wife, so, legally okay, but still weird. That was awkward. And...we're back." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, come on. It's not a big deal." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, in '66, I worked at my grandfather's office-supply business. You know, your ink, your staples, your legal pads. Am I going too fast for you?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I fell asleep for second. Did you do anything interesting in" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, one summer, I swept up hair at my other grandfather's barber shop." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ugh, you're killing me!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you want?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't know. Brian Beckwith's grandfather marched on Washington." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Artie Beckwith? He couldn't walk two feet without" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "He told Brian he did. With Martin Luther king Jr." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Martin Luther king? Guess who cut his hair." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "So, the barber shop was in Washington?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Did you cut any other famous hair?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, yeah, the Kennedys, Richard Nixon, All the astronauts. How do you think buzz Aldrin got his nickname?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Awesome." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then one day, Wilt Chamberlain shows up. He says, \"Can you take a little off the top for my friend here?\" And it's Elvis." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No way." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Greatest singer that ever lived... after Sinatra. I'll fight any man who says different." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived is Peabo" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then I guess I got to fight your dad." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. I guess." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why does everything have to suck?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Let's just do the picture another day. I think I'm getting a pimple." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! Do you know how long it took me to book this" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah. That's a classic old-person spot for a portrait." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, if I'd ever bothered to paint that hideous Wall." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire is a perfectionist, Which sometimes is a good thing, Like when it comes to picking a husband. Sometime it's a bad thing, Like when, uh, everyone else sees something beautiful, And all she sees is the teeny, tiny flaw." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No. No. Hi. My house is a disaster. Can we do this" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, yeah, that's... that's not gonna work." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Maybe one more layer... and tight, really tight. Dad, can you call them again?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just did. They're on their way. Game went into overtime. Claire : I know, but we're losing the light, And the photographer has got to get to a bar mitzvah in 10 minutes. Oh, red wine. Really? Now?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, honey, I think you're getting a little too uptight about this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's hard to breathe. Oh, you're fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What'd you do to him? He's turning blue." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, but his clothes will stay white." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're home! Claire : Oh, thank God! Phil : Hello!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, let's go change. Mwah!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. There's my beautiful wife. I know you're mad at me, and I know this foam finger can't map for everything..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you just go change, and we'll talk about what you did later." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Hey... Thank you so much for those tickets." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria tells me you had a real good time." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not really. No, I didn't. God, I love your daughter. Ohh! I should... I should come by and kiss that step... fix that step." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ugh, you're acting like I wanted to destroy the house. Cameron : No, I just think it's odd that the majority of things you destroyed were sent to us by my mom." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, okay, okay, okay, So while I'm fighting off that filthy" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"kitschiest\"? Oh, she's gonna love that. You know, if" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, so you are angry." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, I get it. You're terrified of small talk...and birds. You're just lucky that pigeon didn't want to chat you up about the weather. Hello, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hello, guys." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God! Oh, you look like the guy from \"dance fever\"!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Deney Terrio. Cleveland, Ohio." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, really. That is not a compliment. That's why I wanted you to try those on earlier. Turn around." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "The picture can't happen today. My pimple's getting" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, I am so sorry. Can you stand?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, then, the picture's happening." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's all anybody's gonna see!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I wouldn't be so sure about that. Did you get a look at her dress?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?! Why would I look at her dress? I love you!" }, { "from": "Photographer", "value": "Uh, Mrs. Dunphy. The sun is setting." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, okay, yeah, this is happening. Everybody, come on, let's go." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hold it. Be careful. I stained some furniture out there this" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Of course you did, dad. Anything else I need to know about? Maybe the neighbors on either side are having a paintball fight. Now, watch this. Dad, in his infinite wisdom, stained furniture today. Don't touch it. It's wet. Hurry, hurry!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Put that down, sweetheart." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, okay, we got it. Now we're gonna go out here. We're ready. Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ay. All right, how do you... How do you turn the sprinklers" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, of course, because I'm Latina, I'm supposed to know everything about gardening and sprinklers!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You were here when they installed it!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, yeah. Ay... The box is across the yard." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You mean the now-soaking-wet yard? That's great. We are screwed." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, we're not. We haven't unwrapped our secret weapon" }, { "from": "yet. Luke walks over there, \"hurt locker\"-style, Flips the switch, and boom!... Or, not boom... water off. Put the \"he\" in \"hero,\" son. Claire", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"hurt locker.\" It's... it's more like \"squirt locker.\" Really?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! No time to celebrate! Stop it! We don't have a lot of time." }, { "from": "Photographer", "value": "All right, everybody, if I can have the little ones" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know what, sir? If you don't mind... I've got this. Come on, people. Let's get out here. Haley, Alex, I need you to unwrap your brother, all right? I need the Dunphys over on this side. Dad, you're in the middle. Mitchell, Cam, Lily on this end." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Listen." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know I screwed up, But if ever you're in my arms again..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, not now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, now! I don't want to look at this picture when I'm 80 years old and you're long dead and know that you were angry at me When we took it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, we'll talk about what you did later. Photographer : Okay, everybody. Eyes over here. Phil : I didn't do anything. She kissed me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?! Who kissed you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gloria." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It was the kiss-cam." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why did you kiss Cam?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, I kissed Phil. He told me I had to." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Hang on a second. Was this before or after you ignored the phone call from your wife?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You saw that, too?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Could we please just take the damn picture?! Photographer : Okay, everybody, one more time. Cameron : Just so you know, I am angry with you. Mitchell : I knew it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, damn it!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It was a big day for me, and he didn't to go because he doesn't like small talk!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Would it be terribly inconvenient to just postpone this" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you know what?! Maybe some of us don't want to take a picture today!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thank you!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, and, please, Claire, don't try to make Mitchell do something he doesn't want to do." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, shut up, Cam!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, stop it! Stop it! Everyone! Listen, this took me forever to put together, So I don't really care who kissed who and who's got a pimple on her head, And who is wearing an" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Get your hands off or me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, make me. Make me. Make me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, this is ridiculous! You're both uptight about everything! You didn't want to go to a wedding with him because you didn't want to make small talk? That's how I met Gloria. Do you remember the first thing I said to you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes. \"I like chocolate, I like fruit, But not together.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You couldn't come up with that, Ivy league? And you... you would be a lot happier If you weren't so obsessed with everything being perfect. Look at us here all in white. What are we, a cricket team? News flash... life is not perfect, Claire. Now, calm the hell down!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, dad, that's great. And that's really easy for you to" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I-I got this, baby." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! What are... Why did you do that? Two people are dirty!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, three." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, you know what? That's for \"kitschy.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mud fight!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. Don't do that!" }, { "from": "Photographer", "value": "Excuse me! Are we still doing this?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, we're not. Now we are." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ready! Luke : Whoo-hoo! Manny : Aah!" }, { "from": "Photographer", "value": "Say \"cheese.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Say \"cheese!\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think I'm just gonna go with the Elvis stuff." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, I would." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, do you need me to move the car?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ho, no! It's nothing. I'm alright. Oh no! Iron cross" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh God... Phil... You okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes. I am. I am okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, why do we keep this car?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's a classic!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it just sits here. And the seatbelts don't work. The doors stick. It leaks fluids. We haven't put fluids in it in 10 years." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I'm gonna fix all that anyway. And then, uh, it's gonna be Haley's car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley. It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Remember?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no. We're selling it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Unless you don't think you can." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? Claire : Yeah. Phil : Seriously? Claire : You can't." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You honestly think that's gonna work?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You can't sell it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"while the spray-tanned starlet claims to be six weeks sober, sources down under say she has been bar-hopping like a coked-up kangaroo.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ah, what's daddy reading to you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "If I have to read \"the very hungry caterpillar\" One more time, I will snap." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it's not that bad." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I will snap!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, um, I laid the toolbox outside, And all the supplies are ready, And I think we are good to go!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Terrific." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Aren't you gonna change into a working man's outfit?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I'm good, And I don't think workmen really call them \"outfits.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We are building a princess castle for Lily. Uh, it's something every father wants to be able to do for his daughter. You know. And I fancy myself as a bit of a castle designer. I have done a few sketches." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Which we have archived so we can use the kit." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm, yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The kit." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, the kit. Which, uh, we're gonna do together." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Honey, relax. She's not here yet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You might want to play it a little cooler. You don't want to scare off your girlfriend." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She's not my girlfriend! She's just coming over to study the life cycle of silkworms. Oh. She's here. She's here! Okay, how's my hair?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I thought it was just a friend." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I heard that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I wasn't whispering." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, open the door. Make her feel welcome." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Kelly! Good morning. Uh, I'm glad you're here. Um, this is my mom." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Nice to meet you!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, why don't you give your friend Kelly an empanada?" }, { "from": "Kelly", "value": "Oh, no, thank you. I try to stay away from trans fats." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, I'm sure one won't make a difference. They're Manny's favorite!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I...Think I'm going to stop eating trans fats, too." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom? When was this from?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh... That's the year your dad and I went to the rose bowl." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Incredible game." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom, you look really pretty." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you, sweetheart." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "So, what happened?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, Lukey, everyone gets older. Just 'cause parts of your mom aren't what they used to be, It doesn't me..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I mean, what happened in the game?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We got our butts kicked by penn state. The parade was awesome, though. Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal. \"good time, she wrote.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, guys. Let's get back to it. No one's gonna buy this heap looking this way." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, mom, which one is the garbage can?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, it... Honey, you can't throw that away. It's blankety." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's disgusting." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, sweetie, you loved blankety. You wouldn't go anywhere without him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, until Luke threw up on it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "yeah. I used to throw up all the time. Remember buckety?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Oh, look at this." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What is that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We went to the beach one day, and had such a good time that he wanted to being home a jar of sunshine so he could always remember it. Do you remember, Honey?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, no... no, no, don't... don't open it." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You really think you trapped sunshine in there? I'm just letting you know now, I'm not taking care of him when you guys die." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Stop. It's sweet." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Still feels hot. Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey! It's that guy who came by earlier. He was really interested. What was his name? Shoot!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, you can't be in sales and not remember people's names. That's why I like to use what they call \"minimonic\" devices. They're little tricks to help you remember. Um, like t other day, I met this guy named Carl. Now, I might forget that name, But he was wearing a grateful dead t-shirt. What's a band like the grateful dead? Phish. Where do fish live? The ocean. What else lives in the ocean? Coral. Hello, \"coral.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I think it's \"mnemonic.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I-I think I'd remember." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. You can do it, d. Okay. He looked like the drummer from Foreigner. Now, Foreigner's from France. France rhymes with \"ants.\" Ants ruin a picnic. What's up, Nick? Really? Really? Well, that's great. Yeah, no, swing by anytime. We're here all day. Thanks. Guess what? You said I couldn't sell this? Well, you're gonna be eating humble pie stuffed with crow and a big side of sorry, 'cause I just did. In your face, girl with the negative tattoo! Honey... Wait." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Whoa. Someone doesn't like to lose." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. When I woke up this morning, I hated that car, And even thinking about it made me mad. but then when we were going through it and blankety... all that stuff... I just... The thought of that whole part of our life driving away..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We can keep blankety." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't want... Look at them. Come on. A minute ago, they were babies. And now they're driving. And soon we'll all be dead." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whoa! You're leaving out a few great minutes there. Retirement, old age... Cool chair that goes up the stairs." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm...Being ridiculous." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't apologize. I love you when you're human. Listen. Hey! Listen! We don't have to sell the car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, sweetie, of course we do. It doesn't make any sense to keep it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, what can I do to make you feel better?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing. Unless you can build me a time machine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey... Until someone can figure out how to keep a wormhole from collapsing in on itself, that's just a pipe dream." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sure. Come on back, Phil." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I found the... I found the nail gun." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Yay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The weirdest thing... it was wrapped in an old towel Stuffed in a box on the top shelf of the closet." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, just set it down on the counter." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Heads up!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, dad, what are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm, uh, just, uh, returning that crockpot that Gloria borrowed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, I forgot you had that crockpot, Jay. Well, we're just getting ready to build Lily a princess castle if you... Want to help?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, sure." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Well, if it's okay with you, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yeah! Oh, no, dad. Oh, remember how much fun we had when we built that bookshelf together?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh! Look at us! Three construction dudes! Dad, I'm gonna get you some workman. I have a blue and camel. What's your preference?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Surprise me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Kelly", "value": "Wouldn't it be easier If we had all our stuff in the same notebook?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You think?" }, { "from": "Kelly", "value": "I mean, we're always going back and forth. I'll just put my things in your notebook." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who wants chocolate milk?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sure, mom." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So how is it going?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Great! Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "This is sudden." }, { "from": "Kelly", "value": "It just felt right. Oh, you know what you should do? Put a pinch of salt in the chocolate milk. It really brings out the flavor." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Salt is for the popcorn." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That sounds good." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You wouldn't like it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Kelly", "value": "Maybe we should let Manny decide." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Here's the salt. We'll see what he likes." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wow! That's really good! Try it, mom!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't care for it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I finally got Lily down for a nap. Where is Mitchell? He's not supposed to be unsupervised!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't worry. I got him in the garage putting flags on the spires." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, perfect." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's better that way. Nobody gets hurt. We don't have to put flags on the spires." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "yeah. All right, let's get this roof on. It's supposed to snap right into place." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Whatcha got going on over there, jigsaw?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I thought that I would get started on the, uh, drawbridge while you guys worked on the roof, so..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You all done with the flags?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "yeah! Yeah, it took me like 15 minutes. It was a lot easier than you made it out to be." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do something, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, Mitch?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How about you make us some sandwiches?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No, we're in the middle of this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I think what Jay's saying is, why don't you go sort some bolts?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I sorted the bolts." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All of 'em?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There were six. W-what's going on with you two? Are you... are you trying to get rid of me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, ... Mitch." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my god. You are. You're... you're, like, in cahoots." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, I get scared. when you're around tools, honey, it's dangerous... for me, for you, for...Our roses." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Works better this way, kid. I mean, castle goes right up, nobody gets sliced in half." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you know how insulting this is? I was... I was an intern at the songbird summer playhouse. Do you think that the town of brigadoon just magically appeared? Well, in the play, it did, but...The set... the set was built with these two hands!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell. Mitchell..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The Von Trapp mansion, Evita's balcony... Okay. Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, where are you going?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm going on a walk, And, oh, yeah, I can still do that by myself. Watch. Oh, I hope I don't get hurt. Oh, god, who put that doorjamb there? I didn't see it. I ran right into it. Oh, no, I tripped! Walking is so hard!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That one didn't look like it was on purpose." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just a few more steps." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, sorry! Step! Step! Sorry!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry. It's gonna be worth it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, it's not." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't listen to her. And..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ow. Ow. Ow!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry. Don't struggle." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stop struggling. Ta-da!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Great. It's our car." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not a car. Kids?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"ti...\" what?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Tonight, Claire Dunphy, we are turning back the clock to a simpler time... when families piled into their station wagons, picked up some burgers, and went on a picnic up to granger point." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, we don't have to do this." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Listen to her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, it's gonna be great. I talked to... France, ants, picnic... Nick, and he's not picking up the car till tomorrow. We have one more night of family fun!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What's gonna be fun about it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Only everything." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Only nothing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, kids, you know what? Your father is trying to do something nice, so I would appreciate it if you would stop your whining and just get in the car. Still does it! Oh, my! Come on, get in, get in!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohhh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just saying, the kid's gotta learn to let things go." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, this is a touchy subject for Mitchell. He wants to feel like a regular Joe, like you and I. Oh, pardonnez-moi. I prefer the champagne Dijon to the standard yellow. You know, there are a few areas that define us as men, like sports and construction. Mitchell just wants to feel like he's... Part of the man club." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Isn't that where you guys met?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know you're making a joke because you're uncomfortable, So I'll let it slide, and we met at an orgy. Come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just think it's crazy, that's all. So what if he can't swing a hammer? Look at all he has done. Law school, great career, providing for his family. That's manly, too, isn't it? I mean, the classical sense." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, yes, I mean, I think it also takes a big man to quit his career as a music teacher and raise a child." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're a man, too, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Thank you, Jay. Wait. Garnish. We're men... not cavemen." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, mom. Kelly's parents are on their way. She invited me to go out to dinner and a movie with them. Is that okay?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, but... I thought that you and I were going to the movies tonight. You know, to see that movie with Shia Lebeouf." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, maybe we can go to the movie another night. W- what's wrong?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, nothing. Just my heart." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, I think we should talk about this Kelly girl." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Isn't she great? I think she really likes me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why wouldn't she like you, baby? Of course. go. Have fun." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm gonna wear my burgundy dinner jacket." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course you are." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I say we apologize and just finish the castle together like he wanted." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Did you hide the nail gun?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Absolutely." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "'cause, I mean, you said that before. Cameron : No, I... Oh, my gosh. It's finished. Jay : What the hell? Mitchell did that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Yes, Mitchell did it. Who's the bitch now, bitches?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Honey, it looks beautiful!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, yeah, because when you two were inside enjoying your little tea party, I was out here... out here getting stuff done." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have underestimated you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know he's stuck in there, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, hey, kid, Cam and I are gonna go crack a couple cold ones. You want to join us?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, you know what? I'm just gonna stay here and get some stuff done, But you... you two ladies enjoy your light beers." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How do you know we're having light beers?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We only have light beers. So, well, listen. Here is a hammer." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't need it. I don't need it, though." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "... and this is a screwdriver..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But I'm not gonna use it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "... and you just come on in whenever you want to." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You sure we shouldn't get him out of there?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. He would never forgive us. He's a very proud man, your son." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Bird! Bird! Bird! Ah, oh, my god! Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself right now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh! Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Calm down." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, honey, slow down. No one's gonna take your food away." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wow, this place has really changed. Time marches on, huh?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See that Starbucks down there? You know what that used to be?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "An orange grove?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, a burger king. You can still see some of the architecture." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you... for this. I really do feel better already." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You can go home again, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, sweetie." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mmm. my stomach hurts." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, honey, I told you not to eat so fast." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Just sit back, relax. You're gonna be fine." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ew! Spider!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley! Haley, honey, you're standing on the back of daddy's seatbelt! Haley!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, soft cheeses, I can breathe again." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wait. Where'd the spider go? I really need some air." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, Alex, lower your window." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can't. It's stuck." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I forgot about that." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Don't you throw up on me." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Don't point him at me! Claire : Here, I'll turn on the... Phil : Haley!!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh! Oh-ho." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! Oh, honey, I think that's the heat." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's in my mouth. It's happening!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, grab a bag!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, gosh, it smells like onions!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "My seatbelt's stuck!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'll help you. Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Spider!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Haley!!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, god, he's gonna blow, mom!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I need buckety!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, everybody get out of the car! Alex: Our doors don't open!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We got ya. Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Get out, get out." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast, Dunphys! Nice and easy!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't look at him! He's just gonna make you feel sick!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, I looked, I looked, I looked." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh, god. Alex: Guys, the car! Claire : Whoa!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my god. Oh, my god... Oh, no. Oh, no. What's the plan, Phil?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "At least I'm trying to do something!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, get off!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Phil! Let it go! Let it go!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, let it go! Honey! Stop, stop, stop." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No... oh, no! That's not..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's all right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm just... I'm just being realistic, But we're gonna need to lower the asking price." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hi, Papi. You're here so soon. Manny : Yeah. I decided to skip the movie. Gloria : Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah. Kelly didn't like my jacket. Plus, she ordered for me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm, did she let you hear the specials, at least?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't get me. Do we have any trans fats left?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Besides, I think there's a girl I'd rather spend time with. Gloria : Ohh, that's so sweet. I'm the luckiest mother in the world. Manny, on the phone : Hey. This is Manny. Is Alicia there?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who's Alicia?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "She's a girl in my history class. We like to play \"six degrees of sir Francis bacon.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You just tossed a woman aside, Immediately you go to the next one?!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, I just..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Just... just what?! This is not the way you treat women! Men are all the same. They break women's hearts, and they don't care! Men are all animals!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, honey." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Animal!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I totally thought I was gonna puke on you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I would have killed you if you did. Alex : Oh, yeah, like you killed that spider? Haley : Oh, you didn't see it. It was huge." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Remember the look on mom's face when her seat fell down? How about when dad jumped on the hood of the car?" }, { "from": "Together", "value": "\"what's the plan, Phil?!\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh. Cam, she can't get enough. We've been in here for like two hours." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, wow!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And we did his for her. Mm. Need me to get you out of there?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This thing is not safe, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Move to the back of the castle." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, no. I know the drill. No, don't carry me out this time. I think it sends the wrong message to Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, the neighbors enjoy it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "How come we don't have the same number of containers and lids? Why would they ever get separated?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Built-up resentment, money issues, met a younger lid. Huh?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, where's my science homework?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, it's over there on the table. So, Alex, honey, what's going on? Anything exciting?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Any boys?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, isn't there something you want to share with your mommers?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah. Don't call yourself \"mommers.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He blew his lid when she tried to contain him." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. What do you think?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I like it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But you don't love it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I do. I love it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "As much as you loved the other one?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ooh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Mm. The house is on fire. I only have time to grab one shirt. Which one do I take?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The correct answer is take Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "After that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, okay, the blue one." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because the gray one washes me out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. Cam, you... you can't go wrong here. Everything you've tried on looks great. I love you in both of them." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, you're so nice to me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm home! Mmm, what smells so good?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm making chunchullo, a traditional Colombian dish, for dinner with the family tonight. Chunchullo." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What is that... like, uh, tacos?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, like tacos." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, it isn't. It's the small intestine of a pig." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, geez. Why can't we eat regular food like normal people?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I told you, Jay. My grandmother, who rests in peace, has been coming to me in my dreams, telling me that I'm losing touch with my roots." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "See, this is awkward, Because my dead uncle Joe told me to have steak tonight." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, no, Jay. Have some respect. My grandmother can hear you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "What do you mean, she can hear us?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, in our culture, we believe that the dead are all around us." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's right, Manny. She could be right here, her bony fingers reaching out from the grave." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, keep it up, Jay. There's already one dead person in this room. You want to make it two?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry. I've got a printer to install. Oh, Gloria, have your grandmother run me up an iced tea in about 10 minutes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, she has a better chance of making that work than you! Why don't you save us the stomping and the swearing and call Phil? He's good at that stuff." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Better than me? Phil's not better than me at anything, Except maybe making that stupid sound with his mouth." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, honey, um, I need you to do something for me." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ugh. Mom, my arm hurts." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't you find out what it is before you start making up excuses to get out of it?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "okay, what is it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I need you to talk to your sister. I think that there's something going on with her and a boy." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, I am your mother, and it is my job to make sure that you girls don't get involved with a predator." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, mom, stop watching \"dateline.\" And why can't you just talk to her?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have tried to talk to her. I... she won't talk to me. You know that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "That's because you get so weird every time a boy comes near us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I-I just don't want you girls to..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "To make the same mistakes that you did?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! No." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, I'm not an idiot. I pick up on things. And I don't think that you were the good girl you pretend you were." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. That is so untrue. I was a very good girl." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them. They need to know who you wish you were, And they need to try to live up to that person. They're gonna fall short, But better they fall short of the fake you than the real you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Which is why we don't hide anything. Claire : That's the opposite of what I just said. Phil : I was not listening." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh. I'll say it again... I love you in Paisley. Cameron : Oh, let me lock the door and draw the curtains. Mitchell : What does that mean?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It doesn't mean anything. Good. You know exactly what it means. You won't kiss me in front of other people because you're ashamed of who you are. And, yes...I went there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you can't say, \"yes, I went there,\" When you go there all the time. And, by the way, I'm the one who makes speeches on airplanes every time someone looks at us weird. I'm the one who gives my dad hell when he refers to you as my \"friend.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's different. That's confrontation. But you know what takes real strength?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Whining?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Affection." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, this is insane. Buying a shirt... it's not a kiss-worthy moment." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I didn't know there was an official list. Please, tell us... what is on the list?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'll tell you what's not on the list... Finding jalapeño- stuffed olives, making the light on maple, every time we see a v.W." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You don't like \"kiss-buggy\"?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's not a real game! It... it's just another way for you to be needy. I... and I don't appreciate you making me feel bad because I can't live up to your impossible standards. Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I almost got a turkey!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"yello\"? Oh, hey, jay. Just a sec. I'll go get Claire. Jay : Oh, actually, it's you I'm calling. What was that? Phil : The cat. There's a cat. What's up?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, Gloria's been missing her grandmother. I've been trying to get this old picture of her printed, But I can't get this new printer to..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll be right there. Luke, grandpa needs us!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "So, I hear you have a boyfriend." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, I don't." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Who is he?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not talking to you about this." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, come on. You're finally interesting. Just tell me." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "He's not my boyfriend. It's Jeremy Reed. It's... he's just this boy that I..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Love?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, have you guys kissed yet?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, what are you waiting for?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not waiting. I'm 13." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And you've never kiss a boy?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "How old were you?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Like 11. And it was beautiful. I was in Jackson Kaner's carpeted garage." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "11?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah. So you better get on it, or else he's gonna think you're a lesbian." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "He's not going to think I'm a lesbian." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I thought you were. You totally have the sandals for it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let's see this bad boy. Oh, a p-750. Nice unit. I would have sprung for the 840, But I get it... Not everyone can handle that kind of horsepower." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I thought maybe the cordless phone was interfering, So I unplugged it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good idea. Maybe we should run downstairs and unplug the toaster while we're at it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "oh, snap, dad. Toaster." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're kidding. A cordless phone is 5.8 gigahertz. This is wi- fi. It's a totally different spectrum. Walk with me? Here's a little trick that I've found pretty useful with Claire. * the computer and" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "How come it's not working?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It should be. Okay. Uh, that should be printing. So..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Phil, I'm gonna get a beer, beer, beer before I hit you in the head, head, head." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jeremy", "value": "Hey. What are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hi, Jeremy. I want to ask you something." }, { "from": "Jeremy", "value": "Sure, ask..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "wait, don't talk yet. We've texting for a while, and it's been nice, But I feel like it's leading to something else, And I don't know if you do or not, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking for him to like her. Oh, god, that's from \"Notting hill.\" So dorky. but a really underrated movie." }, { "from": "Jeremy", "value": "What's happening?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not a lesbian. I would like for you to kiss me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I love watching you stir." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Then I will stop." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? Are you still mad at me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes. You have to apologize for making fun of my culture, my beliefs, my chunchullo, my abuela." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry. If you think your grandmother's here with us, I respect that. Now, come here. Oh, grandma! Where'd you come from? We're gonna have to get you a little bell." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Enough, Jay! My culture is very important to me! I've been working all day to share it with your family tonight, and all you do is mock me! Just go!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, I'm sorry. I'm just teasing you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Instead of being the comedian, why don't you help me?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you need? Gloria : Slap the chicken. Jay : Do what?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "In Colombia, when you cook in honor of the departed, You have to scare death away from the food to protect the people that are gonna eat it. Slap it and yell." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's the nuttiest..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Calm down. Give me the chicken. Here we go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm-hmm. That's not scaring anything away. When my grand-mother used to cook, The whole house would she." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Aah! Aah! Aah!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Louder." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Higher. Louder! Higher! Louder! There!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, honey. Where'd you go?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Nowhere. Just for a bike ride." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god! Puh-lease tell me this text is wrong! Did you really just go over to that kid's house and try and kiss him in front of a million people?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, did you do that?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You got a text?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, yeah. Everybody knows. Do you know how embarrassing this is for me?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "This is all your fault! You're the one who said I had to kiss him or I was a lesbian!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley! Did you say that to her?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, don't turn this on me. Look at her shoes!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ugh! I'm never going back to school now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, sweetheart. Yes, you are. You are going back to school. But listen to me... Just because a boy sends you flirty texts doesn't mean that you have to text him back..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "what?! You read my texts?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You read her texts?! That's why you made me talk to her?!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You made her talk to me?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I kind of feel like we're spinning out here a little bit. Look, Alex, the important thing here is that you have to be very careful how you behave around boys because it is so easy to get a reputation." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Well, I'm sorry I'm not a perfect little good girl like you were!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Were you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Were you?! I highly doubt it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Don't be such a chicken, there's no ghost in here." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm telling you, my mom said her dead grander was in the house. She said she felt her here this morning... in this room." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Maybe your mom's mentally ill." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Did she have a limp and a cane?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh-huh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ghost of Manny's great-grandma, If that's really you, show yourself!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's her!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Aah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hi, grandpa." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How we doing, girls?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom ruined my life today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I didn't ruin your life. I was...." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Don't even talk to me! I didn't even want to come here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, okay. Snacks and sodas are in the living room, but don't fill up... we've got intestines coming." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, dad, if you're looking for your shoes, I think I know where they are." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This happens to be a Colombian custom... walking in the footsteps of the ancestors, blah, blah, blah. Beats slapping the chicken." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Here, I brought you a drink." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, wait a minute... sip it first." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm not mad at you. I thought about it, and maybe you're right. I can be a little needy sometimes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, well, I-I appreciate that. And you're probably not entirely off base. I mean, lord knows I-I've got my quirks. And I- I'm not the most demonstrative guy around, But I'm... I'm working on it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And I'm gonna help you with it. Mitchell : Good. Just don't give up on me. Cameron : Never." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, everybody, let's gather around! Jay, come here. Tonight we dine on the traditional Colombian recipes of my abuela, my grandmother. And even though she's no longer with me, I am very happy because I have all of you. To Ana-Maria Rosa de la Immaculada Jimenez Morales." }, { "from": "All", "value": "To Ana-Maria Rosa..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That was beautiful, Gloria, just like my Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just slipped right off there." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Cameron, what happened? One moment you were there, the next, only shoes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'll tell you what happened... Mitchell is embarrassed to kiss me in front of other people." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, you ambushed me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Cam, come on. Don't take it personally. When Mitchell was in high school, He was dating this girl... Robin Schier. He would never kiss her, either." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's because I was gay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What's your excuse now?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Cameron, it's not Mitch's fault. He gets it from his father. Jay doesn't like the lovey-dovey in public, either." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't believe you're coming at me right now. I'm standing here with shoes around my neck, And for the better part of a half- hour, I screamed the death out of your meat. Now, what do you want from me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't you see? It's because of you that your son cannot kiss his own lover." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't say \"lover.\" Cameron : we don't like \"lover.\" Jay : Can we just eat?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. Tell Mitch that it's okay to kiss cam in front of you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why is that something we have to do?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We don't." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Of course we don't." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry that I don't want to make out with you in front of my whole family." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No need to apologize." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Gloria is right. Dad, you being so emotionally closed off makes it very difficult for your children to show affection." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You had trouble showing affection in public places?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Was that before or after you were delivered to my door in a squad car, Wearing nothing but your underwear and a police blanket?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god. What? Alex : You were arrested? Luke : Awesome!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not awesome. And I wasn't arrested. Your grandfather was just telling a joke." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It was just a joke. I got a million of 'em." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I did it! It's printing! I had to download new firmware, install new drivers, Change your encryption, and replace an ethernet cable in a 100-degree attic, while dodging particularly aggressive spiders, But I did it!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Okay. I guess that's it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? What's it?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Wake up, dummy. This is what we're talking about. This guy's been working like an imbecile all day for you. People need something else... kisses, hugs." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What, for fixing a printer?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, it's fine. It was only four hours. I tipped over a paint can and threw up a little, but I think... I think \"thanks\" about covers it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, what's wrong with \"thanks\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's pretty much the bare minimum, dad." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay, for god's sakes, just say something." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You want me to say something? How about \"you're welcome\"? How about \"I'm... I'm so happy to be here for you all so I can take the blame for all your crap.\" I can't do this, I never did that. Trust me, I gave you twice as much as my father ever gave me. The man kissed me one time in my entire life. He came up behind me, kissed me on the back of the head, Said, \"goodnight, Becky.\" He thought I was my sister." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Wait a minute. When was the last time you kissed Mitch?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What does that have to do with anything? Gloria : Mitch, when was the last time he kissed you? Mitchell : I-I don't remember." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It wasn't that long ago." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was 12." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "12? This is the problem! Jay's dad doesn't kiss Jay, So Jay doesn't kiss Mitch, and Mitch is uptight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, okay, \"uptight\" was really not on the table. This is more about kissing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, kiss your son. He's a mess." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, come on, now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We don't have to do that. It's..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, you do." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on. Come on, do it. You're in front of your grandchildren." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, all right! Shut up! Mitch, get over here." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "W-what, now? Well, I feel weird now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't be coy. What are you waiting for, a box of chocolates? Let's do this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, and now because I never want to hear this again... you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, daddy, I love you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Let's go eat chunchullo!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You know it's made of pig intestines, right?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, wait." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I want to talk to you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, I don't want another lecture." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's not a lecture. I want to tell you something. Honey, I know exactly how you're feeling." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, you don't." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, the... the joke that grandpa told tonight? That... that happened. That...that was true." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "So, you were arrested naked?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I wasn't naked! And I was not arrested per se. I was driven home one night by the police because my boyfriend and I had gone swimming in somebody's pool, And we didn't have bathing suits and... blah, blah, blah, the details aren't important. What matters is that everybody at school was talking about it. And I thought I would die. But it passed. I swear. And now, honey, I'm..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "So, how long did it take before you thought it was funny?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god... 10, 15 years." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Great. What do I do about tomorrow?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't think you have to worry about that. Go, go, go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "There's no ghost in here, is there?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not a chance. Sleep easy, kid." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So who's a better kisser, me or your dad?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ew." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jeremy", "value": "Just so you know, if my friends weren't there, I would've said yes. So, if you still want to..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "If it's okay... maybe we should hang out more first. This is only the second conversation we've had that wasn't by text." }, { "from": "Jeremy", "value": "Whew!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just another nice thing I did for you while you made a fool of me. Manny let me in on your little tricks. You feel bad now?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. I feel good. Mm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, you really don't have to do this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. I-I can do it. I want to do it. It's silly to pay someone else just to do something... Oh! Oh, no! Oh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, wait! No, no, don't spill it! Sweetie, don't spill that!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! Oh, that's on me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Careful! Oh, gosh! Oh! Okay, get up. You're fine. Get it off! Okay, I got it. I got it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Got it off. Got it off. Oh, the face! Not the face! Oh, the face!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, I'll pull it down!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're good!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's on me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, I'm gonna have to... I'll cut it off." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good idea. Get a bucket, please!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God, mom, the party is like 'round the block. I'd be gone for two hours." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is two hours you could spend studying." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I had been studying all weekend. No friends, no phone, just me alone with books. I feel like Alex..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're never alone when you have books." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Is that what you want me to turn into?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetheart, listen to me. This is the S.A.T.S. Okay? It is not some stupid science quiz." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Because we feel sorry for you, 'cause books are your friends." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah, she wasn't studying last night. She was video-chatting the whole time." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Shut up!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I knew it. I knew it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You are such a tattletale!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Girls, take it down a notch, because I..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the hot topic on \"the view\" today, ladies?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, can you just please tell mom that I can take a two- hour break and go to a party?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, ma'am. I'm not stepping into that one. We're not playing good cop/mom. I got it. You know, you just bought yourself an extra... Hello." }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "You call for a plumber?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, no, we did not." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Yes. We did! We did!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We did?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Plumber, hi. Yeah. Um, it's right up at the top of the stairs." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really, Claire?" }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But didn't I tell you I'd fix the tub?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, honey, you did, And I think I was pregnant with Luke at the time." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is not fair. I've done everything you've asked me to do around here. I fixed the step, didn't I? Look how solid it is! I'm like Shirley Temple and that black guy!" }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "Bill \"Bojangles\" Robinson." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bill \"Bojangles\" Robinson! I said it first!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, this is the problem. Uh, faucet just keeps leaking." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, it's a cracked washer... If I know my washers. And it's, uh, it's been leaking a little water." }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "Yeah, could be a washer, A cracked valve, a stripped pipe." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I guess I'm not a professional plumber, But I have spent a huge amount of time in that tub. I can tell you from experience, or at least what it feels like in there..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, good. You're back. I need you to help settle a spat between our blacksmith and the chimney sweep." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Be nice. It took me 20 minutes to find my opera cloak." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I still can't believe you didn't have to rent any of that." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, please. Do you know how many times this has paid for itself?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, our friend Pepper loves to throw theme parties." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, he does, and this weekend is his first annual \"Oscar Wilde and Crazy Brunch.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're still recovering From his \"Studio 54th of July\" barbecue. They were fun at first." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But they have become a lot of work. You have to dress in costume." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You have to assume a character. I... I can't believe you ever dated him." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "One date. It was the '90s. We'd just lost Princess Di. I was at sea." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam, can we just... Can we please cancel?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I wish we could, But you know he's still mad at us for missing passover." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Right. \"Seder-day night fever\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just go get dressed and powdered." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh. Pepper has done the impossible! He's made two gay men hate brunch." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, it might be easier just to pour the espresso right in the sugar." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Every morning." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, what are you wearing? You can't go to church like that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, that settles it, then. I'm going golfing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're gonna miss church again? Last Sunday, you said that you had to go to the office. The week before, you had breakfast with a friend." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "And before that, you thought you had a cold that turned out not to be a cold." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because I babied it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You don't have to convince us. You have to convince him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who, God? Me and God are good!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How would you know?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, you feel God in church, which is great. I feel God out in nature, amongst his works." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you gonna go to church next week?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We'll see." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know what \"we'll see\" means. If you're done with church, just say it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm done with church." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't say that!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look... I'm not going to church anymore. It's not the end of the world. Let's not make a big deal out... Hell..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Aah! Aah!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Earthquake!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Iterremoto! Vamos, vamos, Manny! Vamos, Jay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Girls?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. This is... this is stuck!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're gonna die! We're gonna die!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We better not. If they find us in these outfits, It's gonna be very bad for the gays." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke! Buddy. You okay?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That thing almost fell on me! I was sitting there, And it came this close to my head!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's all right. You're okay. You didn't get hurt." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, I'm not gonna wait around here until I do. Ohh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "O...kay. Wow! That is a doozy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, are you guys okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, we're fine. You?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're fine. That was really... Oh, wait. Hold on. Hello?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mitch, are you okay? Mitchell :We're okay. We're okay. Gloria : And Phil and Claire?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, I'm on the other line with them right now. One second. Hello? Oh, shoot, we lost Phil." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We lost Phil?! Cameron : We lost Phil? Gloria : Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Great. Now Gloria's gone. Cameron : Gloria's gone, too? Ohh! Phil : Hey, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, dios mio, Phil, you're alive!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, of course I'm alive. For now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, get up here!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "On my way... seriously, I just fixed that!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Haley..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's wrong? Alex : Mom's stuck! Phil : You okay in there?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're fine. The door is jammed." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Okay. Uh... well, let's... let's try this together, okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um, I'm gonna push. You pull." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "On three. 1, 2, 3... Claire : Aah! Nothing! Phil : Oh, dang!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, don't panic! I'm gonna get you out! I'm just gonna go get some tools!" }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "Get a crowbar if you have one!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What is that supposed to mean? Like I'm some dandy who doesn't have a crowbar?" }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "Well, you did just use the word \"dandy.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Dandy\" is a term coined by miners in the 15th century." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil? Just get us out of here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, how long is it gonna take to get her out of there?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Long time." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey. Don't worry. Mommy is gonna be out soon. Don't panic. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're not going to that party, young lady." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, I'm not going to the party. I'm just going downstairs." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "With your purse?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Come on. Just cover for me this one time, and I... I'll drive you wherever you want." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I want to go to the Museum of Tolerance." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Fine. How far is tolerance?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can hear the two of you scheming out there! Don't you dare leave this house!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ohh, why do you have to be such a psycho control freak?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, you know what? Just for that, you are grounded one week!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, that's good parenting!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Two weeks. Want to double it?! Keep talking!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Blah blah blah blah blah!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Fine! Four weeks! Four!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Double it again and make it 10 weeks!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my God! Do you not hear how much you need to study?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, come on. We're gonna be late." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh, I can't believe we have to do this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Come on, after the earthquake, it might be nice to be around similarly dressed people." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That makes no... the earthquake! Okay. Okay. Yes. Yes. This...okay. This is the perfect excuse." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why? We're fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, but Pepper doesn't know that. You'll just tell him that we have some damage we have to deal with." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Because I'm the one that always cancels. Cameron : No, do not hand me that. I will not talk to him. Pepper : Hello?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm a bad liar. Do not hand me that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He is on the phone right now. Pick up. You are doing it! I think somebody's talking." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hi! Pepper! Listen... hi. Hey. It's Cameron. How are you doing over there?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Great." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, the earthquake. Yeah, it was huge here. Huge. So, obviously, we're not... We're not gonna be able to make it." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Why not?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, some dishes broke." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "You can sweep them up later." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And, uh, well, yeah, I guess... I guess we could sweep those up, um, later. Our, uh, our... our hat rack. Our hat rack fell through the window." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Hat rack?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, yeah, we do have a hat rack. We thought it would force us to wear our hats more. And it did. And there's water damage. There's water everywhere. A bookshelf fell on Mitchell's leg. Mitchell's hurt, Pepper. Mitchell's hurt real bad." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I'm coming right over." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, you don't need to come over." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I'm coming!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Pepper, no! He's coming over. See? Kind of panicked." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You did panic, Cam. You panicked real bad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're still going golfing?! God sent you a sign, Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What, the earthquake? You got to be kidding me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You say that you're never going to church again, And the ground shakes with a vengeance." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll prove it to you. God, if you have a problem with me golfing..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shh!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "...send me a sign! I mean, throw in a little lightning! Put on a show!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't talk to God like that!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Trust me, if God had a problem with me, he would let me know without shaking the whole city. He would be a little more specific." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm not gonna argue with you. I don't want to get upset. Vamanos, Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I think I'm gonna skip it today." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I like what Jay said about God being in nature." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, no, no. Don't listen to him. His days are numbered!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Think about it, mom. It makes sense. God made the trees and the grass. He didn't make that church." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But he made the people that make the church, And you're making me angry! Vamanos." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Just one week. Can I go golfing with you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I'm probably gonna have a Latino kid carry my clubs anyway. Might as well be you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Fine! See what I care! Go!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny. Go change." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sorry, mom. Hope you understand." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Probably good for us to spend a little time together." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're gonna spend eternity together!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ohh. Damn it! I suppose that was god, too!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know who did it, but it makes me happy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Aah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, buddy. Oh, just double-checking these straps. This is an extra. These babies saved your life. That's why this cabinet barely moved." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It fell all the way to the couch." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mnh-mnh." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It almost killed me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, it didn't. This cabinet barely moved. That's just perspective playing tricks on your mind. Like if I hold up my thumb, it looks bigger than your head." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No, it doesn't. It looks tiny." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You have to look at it from over here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How can I look at my head from over there?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why don't you just lie down? I got to make sure your mom's still stuck. So she... I can get her out. Don't fall asleep. Sorry that took... you filthy... Sorry that took so long! I'm gonna go ahead and just take off the doorknob, okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There we go. That's... oh, damn!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? What happened?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I, uh, brought the wrong screwdriver, So I'll be right back!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, but hurry up, Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Doing my best, Claire!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, don't talk back, dad! She'll just ground you!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's 32 weeks, young lady! I was at 16 before, right? What?" }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't judge me until you've had a teenage girl." }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "I've had four of 'em." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "God, how did you survive that?" }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "Girls were a piece of cake. It was the boy every look on his face. Every stupid decision he made, the way he sat there, chewing his food like an idiot. And then it hit me why this kid drove me so crazy. He's me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, all the more reason she should listen to me. I can stop her from making the same mistakes." }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "Did you listen to your mother?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God no. But, you know, I had a reason. That woman was a psycho control... Freak." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, mom. I brought you some soda. But I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Thank you, Luke! That's my sweetie." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I was going to bring you wine, But you finished the big bottle last night." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Off you go." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I was..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hold this, will you, kid?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, Mitchell used to caddy for me. Of course, he spent most of his time chasing butterflies." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You won't catch me doing that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good for you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm terrified of them." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Huh. Look at that. That's a perfect shot. And I hit that with a bent club." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So you're not worried about getting in trouble? You know, with god?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I think he's got bigger things on his plate." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So you're not worried about hell?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let me let you in on a little secret, kid. There is no hell." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Seriously? No hell? That's fantastic! So everyone just goes to heaven?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yep. End of story." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Even bad people?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, they're... they're... they're another section, see? They got this thing figured out. Can I hit this? Damn it. You distracted me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I didn't say anything!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I could hear you thinking." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm thinking about this heaven of your that's full of bad people." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not full. The tiniest fraction, they're walled in." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What if they break out?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They're surrounded by a lake of fire." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "They are fiery lakes in heaven? This is turning into hell." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tell me about it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What are you doing?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you promised Pepper broken dishes, so... I'm breaking dishes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No! Not my frog! I know you think it's tacky, but I happen to have won this at my first 4-h summer camp in a hollerin' contest." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, we wouldn't have to break anything if you were a better liar." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "If you're trying to make me feel bad about not being as good a liar as you... What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "A hat rack fell through the window, remember? One... Two... Three!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, wait! I-I-I can't do this. I quit. You might be comfortable with all this lying, but I'm not." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, please. Where was all this conscience when I got us into the first-class lounge at the airport and you chewed Angela Lansbury's ear off. You know what you are? You're like a mob wife. You look down at me and my ways, But you're happy to wear the mink coat that fell off the back of the truck!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How dare you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. I know. It really hit us bad." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "No. I'm just always surprised how small this place is." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Pepper, you didn't have to leave your party to come check on us. Great costume, by the way." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "This isn't my costume. I just threw this on to help you clean up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, about your party..." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Oh, don't worry about canceling. At least you have an excuse, unlike Steven and Stefan, they said they had the flu. Meantime, I just saw them out riding their bicycle." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Pepper, that is horrible. I-I'm gonna make you a cocktail." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Oh, honey. Don't go to any trouble. I'll just have a Kir Royale. I mean, my god, if they didn't want to come to my party, Just say it. I'm a big boy. I can take it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, since you brought it up, Pepper... we didn't want to come to your party, either." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, you know we love you, But they've just gotten to be so much work over the years, and..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're all out of cassis." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I can't bear it!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I will make you a Bellini." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Everybody canceled on me! And now you two! For 15 years, I have killed myself setting a community standard with my fanciful themed brunches mounted at great personal expense. Well, clearly, I've been a fool. No one likes your brunches, Pepper. No one likes you. You're gonna die alone! In a quaint Spanish revival outside of Palm Springs... or La Quinta." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. I told him." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, I puzzled that out." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I just don't understand this bad section of heaven. What if they send you to the wrong place? They make mistakes with paperwork sometimes. I was put in a girls' health class last year an had to watch a very disturbing movie." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Calm down. Instead of thinking all morning about what heaven's gonna look like, What it's not gonna look like, who's where, If there even is a heaven, why don't we just concentrate on this beautiful, carefree day that's in front of us?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'd rather concentrate on something you just said. There might not even be a heaven?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't know!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You seemed pretty sure of yourself this morning. So what happens after you die? There's just nothing?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, you're focusing too much on one little thing that I said. It was just a hunch, okay?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A hunch? I'm skipping church based on a hunch?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, don't freak out on me here, kid." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're playing pretty fast and loose with my soul." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen. I want you to forget everything that I said, okay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Some things can't be forgotten, Jay. Do you know what menstruation is? Because I do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Perfect. Hey!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "W-what are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be getting mom out of the bathroom?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is what I was doing. That is what I was doing. This c… this cabinet... was the problem." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "How?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. It's very heavy, And because it was properly anchored to the wall, There's sort of a ripple effect. It was... pulling part of the floor down... and then pushing part of the floor up, using the bathroom door... Please don't tell on me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I don't know who I am anymore! Who am I?! I'm a joke! That's who." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no. You're not a joke. You're Pepper Saltzman." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I think I better just go. If anything terrible should happen, don't feel an obligation to attend my memorial. New York or L.A." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Pepper? Pepper, you... you didn't let me finish. The reason we didn't want to come to your party is... Mitchell?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Seriously?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Who's a mob wife?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm a mob wife." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm a mob wife." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, um... Pepper, This is a little embarrassing." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I don't even want to hear it. Mitchell :Cameron still has feelings for you. Pepper : Go on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, and it's just... it's very hard for him to be around you, especially at your... magical brunches where you're just... You're... you're so... magnetic. And then I see the way that he looks at you, and... Damn it, Pe... it just makes me so mad that I could just... Ohh!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, oh, you don't know the pain, Cam!" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Oh, boys! Boys, I can't stand that I'm coming between you! Not that I'm surprised. I admit I have noticed the stolen glances and the yearning in your eyes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Well, y-you'll forgive us, Pepper, If we sit out your next few brunches?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Absolutely. I would hate to lose you two. I've always thought of you as being like my..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sons? Sons?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "\"Sons\"? I was gonna say \"brothers.\" It's like a house of pain!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Plumber", "value": "All right, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, ready? Plumber : You ready? Claire : I'm ready." }, { "from": "Plumber", "value": "All right, on \"go.\" Okay, go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right? Go! Go! Go! Thank God. Thank God. Phil? Phil? Honey... Phil, where are you? Phil... Are you kidding me?! Not the. Phil! Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened to you? You disappeared for 20 minutes. We just had to break ourselves out of that bathroom." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am so happy to see you. Get in here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no. No, no. Seriously, what happened?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad was incredible! He was running around here turning the gas line, Cleaning up broken glass, And taking care of Luke after he ran into a wall." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Ohh. I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, don't worry about it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I'm sorry. Oh... I was so nervous. I freaked out." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's all right. It's all right. I think it was a little bit of a rough morning." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wasn't it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, it was." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know about you guys, But I just want to relax and put my feet up. At the Museum of Tolerance. Who's in?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I am!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You are. Okay. Let's do it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'll put in a good word for you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're the best, kid." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "What do you walk on?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Manny, don't be ridiculous. The clouds." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "That makes no sense. Clouds are air. You'd fall right through them." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The clouds in heaven... they're like trampolines." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mm, I don't like trampolines. They make me seasick." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, stop worrying. Heaven is a beautiful place with sunshine and rainbows and butterflies." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Butterflies?! Gloria : Ay, no, no, no, no. Manny : Ahh!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I didn't say butterflies! Manny, there's no butterflies!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, my God. That was so" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad just wrote another classic one. Tell her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! I don't know about \"classic,\" but here we go. \"If you're looking for a two-story house, I'm your man. I'll tell you one story before you buy it and then another story after.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No, you didn't!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Tonight is the S.C.A.R.B." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The Southern California annual realtor's banquet." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think they know what it is." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's the mother of all Residential-real-estate banquets. Now, for the last five years, Gil Thorpe has hosted, But as luck would have it, he's having a sketchy-looking polyp remove so they've asked me to...\"Phil in.\" see what I did?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Phil.\" you think I should open with that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You betcha. You should." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, do we have to keep this Colombia/Brazil soccer game?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, I haven't seen it yet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's been sitting in there for five months. I mean, I can tell you who wins." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And what about this two-hour \"antiques roadshow\"?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'll watch it today." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine. I'm gonna play some golf." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. What about Mirabel's daughter's quinceanera?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I honestly didn't get any of that. Gloria : Mirabel. She works for you. Jay : Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Her daughter, Rosalba, is celebrating her quinceanera, Her 15th birthday. She invited us. You just going to ignore it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course not. I get this all the time. I throw it on my secretary's desk, And she sends them an Omaha steak." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Ay, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny's right. The quinceanera is very important in the latin culture. The moment the father dances with his little princess. Ay, I remember my own father holding my hand. There wasn't a dry eye in the cartel." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "But these people don't want me there. See, they're just being polite. I'm the boss." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's what you tell yourself so you can stay above them. You just throw them an \"Obama\" steak and run to the golf course." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not trying to stay above them. I just don't think I have to go all \"arriba, arriba\" with them." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Because you're better than them?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, of course not. I mean, I'm better than some of them." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you even know these people, Jay, hmm? Or they're just the backs you step on?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know you like to make me out as an elitist, But the truth is, I'm close with these people." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Then prove it. Just go to the party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine. One hour. You drive. 'cause I don't want to give my valet ticket to the wrong guy, Have you all over me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Ay, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Where do you keep popping out from?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, cam has started working out again, which is... it's... it's great. He's feeling good about himself, and I want him to be healthy, so it is all good. Except for one thing." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Knock, knock." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Look who's there." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, I think I'm gonna take this spin class tomorrow morning." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, sure." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I get it. Message received. Mitchell : I didn't say anything! [OPENING CREDITS]" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, can't you just run like a normal person?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What? It's troga." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You never heard of troga? Claire : I hate it when you do that. Mitchell : What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"you've never heard of troga?\" \"you never tried octopus?\" \"you never did this amazing thing I just discovered yesterday but I pretend like I've done my whole life?\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, troga is treadmill yoga. It's de rigueur." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's de-dorky." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What is your deal today?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. Phil is hosting that thing tonight, And... and he's been writing jokes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ooh, yikes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. And I'm worried he's gonna humiliate himself in front of all those important people. I can't say anything because..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. I get it. I get it. I get it. Because it would hurt him even more coming from you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, I'm kind of going through something similar With cam right now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He's started exercising again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, that's good for him. Mitchell : Yeah. He's wearing bike shorts. Claire : That's bad for you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And I'm the last person who can say anything, Because he's..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, wait. No, no. All right. You know the movie \"Strangers on a train\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hm, I never saw it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You've never seen \"Strangers on a...\" I'm sorry. Great film. But it's these guys who both discover that they want someone out of their lives." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So one of the guys proposes the perfect crime. They will do each other's murders. We should do that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, so I would tell Cam to lose the bike shorts? Mitchell : Keeping me out of it. And I tell Phil to lose the jokes. Claire : I like it. I'm in." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am in!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, MacKenzie. 'sup? It's Alex. Hey, so I was thinking later we'd... Oh, no. Whatever you want. Call me later! Or I'll call you later, or..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So, who's MacKenzie?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You don't know her." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, I know MacKenzie. Cute. Popular. I am MacKenzie. I invented MacKenzie. And the way she's making my sister run around... it's... it's kind of funny, but... I can't have it. It's bad for the family." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I was about to call..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mackenzie? Yeah, I know. Now shut up and let me help you. The world is divided into two groups... Cool girls and girls like you. And you have been given a rare opportunity to move from the former to the latter." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "The latter to the former." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Whatever. Oh, my god. You're such a geek. Now, do you want to be smart, or do you want to be popular?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I think I want to be popular." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Of course you do. You just can't be so obvious about it. You've given MacKenzie way too much power, and you need to take some of that power back. it's her." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Give me the phone." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Here's what you're gonna say... \"Hey, MacKenzie. I'm busy. Call me back later.\" Then you hang up." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No way!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Then you're not getting the phone back." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Just give it to me." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"Hey, MacKenzie. I'm busy. Call me back later.\" then you hang up." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can't. Haley : Do it! Alex : No!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do it!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay! Damn you. Hey, MacKenzie. I'm busy. Call me back later. That was hard." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "If it was easy, everyone would be popular." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Knock, knock !" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Come on in! It's open!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey! I just wanted to drop off these old baby clothes for Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's right. You're so sweet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I hope I didn't come at a bad time." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not at all. I was just deciding where to take Lily for our bike ride... the lake or the park. I'm leaning towards the park." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can see that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, it is a big night for you, so, French." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Those guys." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, have you given any thought to what you might say?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, actually, I'm trying not to think about my act right now. I'm kind of fighting the old butterflies, to be honest." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's normal. I hear the Jonas brothers get scared before every concert." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not Kevin? The guy's a rock." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Especially Kevin." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't believe I ever bought this for Alex. I wish somebody had said something." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, come on. That was probably cute 10 years ago." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no. It never was. And you know... I'm the exact same way about my clothes. Most of the time, great. But every now and again, there's that one outfit I just wish somebody would be honest with me and say, \"what you're wearing is in...Appropriate.\" Do you know what I mean?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think I do, Claire. I think I do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And my answer is yes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I would love to dress you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it... I don't want you to dress me. No. And...I owe it to you to be honest, So I'm just gonna say that you need to lose the bicycle shorts." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They're not working for you, Cam. Please don't take this personally. I mean, nobody looks good in bike shorts. I just... I feel that I owe it to you to be honest. So, we're good, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're great. We're great. We're great." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, great. Okay. Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You should probably just show yourself. I hear... I hear some crying down the hallway." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Look at that. That's a good dad. 'cause you've got a baby, and you hear every little sound. I wouldn't have... I wouldn't have even noticed... crying." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, okay. all right. All you need to know about this one is that skip woosnum is a well-known realtor and he's old." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Got it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Skip woosnum. Realtor. Old. Here we go. I'm not saying realtor skip woosnum is old, but the first property he ever sold... was a cave." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're not, uh... not laughing." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why aren't you laughing, uncle Mitchell?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "'cause he doesn't think it's funny, Or maybe... maybe you don't think I'm funny. Is that what you're saying, Mitch?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, it's... I just got it! Oh. Cave!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That one's kind of a thinker." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "There he is. All right, now." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Knock it off, Jay. You don't know anyone's name here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you kidding me? Carlos!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Lucky guess." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "You realize you're asking me to help prove my own mother wrong." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll pay two bucks per introduction." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "All right, well, that's Ramona. She's crazy for bingo." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ramona." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's going on next door?" }, { "from": "Barman", "value": "It's a Quinceanera." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Another Quinceanera ?" }, { "from": "Barman", "value": "This is not a Quinceanera. This is an engagement party. Look." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria! Stop being such a snob. Come over and meet my friend Julio and his wife... Uh, I'm sorry. Your name again?" }, { "from": "Old Woman", "value": "Qué?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think you're really gonna hit it off with Kay!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I mean, she's gonna tell me how to dress?! She ought to stick to things she knows more about, like overcooking salmon." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, wait. So, she actually said that you don't look good in bicycle shorts?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"you don't look good in bicycle shorts.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Madness." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, and here she is." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, you know what? I can't be here. I'm... I'm going out for some air." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Yes, go. This... this could get ugly. Hello, Claire. You are a gutless weasel. Oh, yeah. No. I heard what you said to my boyfriend." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You told Phil he was hysterical! You said he was this generation's Richard Pryor!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I am not the one that you need to apologize to. What are you babbling about?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You owe me a murder." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, Claire, I c... I couldn't do it. I couldn't crush Phil's dreams." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We had a deal. I told Cam about the bike shorts." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No! No! The deal was to get Cam to take off the bike shorts. But guess what... he is still in the stupid bike shorts. Can I call you back? Turns out Cam was here the whole time, and he just heard everything I said." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ooh. Did he just run into the bedroom and cry?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yes, 'cause that's what all gay men do. We all dissolve into... Yes. That is what he did." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Stop talking. I just need some time for this wound to become a scar." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry I got Claire involved, But... and this is not a criticism, But sometimes you can be a little sensitive about your...Appearance." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, this is a criticism... Sometimes you can be insensitive about everything." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I-I just... Cam, I just feel like our relationship's strong enough to survive a little candor. I mean, look, you could tell me if there's something about me you'd like to change." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I hate your beard." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow. Well, you had that bullet in the chamber." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I never said anything because I never wanted to hurt you... But I've always found your beard off-putting. See? Hurts. Mitchell? Mitchell, get back here! What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm shaving off the bear." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Seriously?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, well, the man I love doesn't like it, so off it goes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, good." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Great. Okay. one... Two... Three." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wait! The fact that you're willing to do it is enough for me. I love your beard. I love that when you drink cappuccino, you get foam in it and when you're nervous, your little... hairs twitch." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you couldn't have told me before took a notch out?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry. I-I... listen. I know... I can be touchy about... this. But you're this amazing-looking guy, and..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I am not amazing... Really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I wouldn't change anything." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh... You should know that every day, I wake up very grateful to have you in my life. I'm the one who got lucky, handsome. Maybe I just don't show it enough." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, you can make it up to me by doing my shoulders." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I meant a massage. What are you saying? Oh, Mitchell. Mitchell." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's MacKenzie." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Again." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She wants me to come to this party she's throwing, she texted me earlier." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You texted her back, right?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wow. I'm... Proud? Tell her you'll try and come." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Right." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And then when she says..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Haley... I got this. Hey. Who's this?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Brilliant." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, I didn't see it. I get a lot of texts." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I have a sister." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "When's the party? I'll try and come. You know, I'm kind of busy. I have a life. You know, stuff. Homework." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh-oh." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I mean, not homework. It's not work if you love it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, god. Hang up. Hang up." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Shut up! Not you, MacKenzie." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Drop the phone and kick it over here!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Um, I have to go. I-I'll call you later. or you call me later. Love you! Aah!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Aah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "They were right in here!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know, and we looked everywhere, honey, So just calm down." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you kidding me? \"Calm down\"? In one minute, I'm gonna be standing up there like... Like a... Oh, my god. I have no material at all." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. You're gonna be fine. You don't need jokes. Listen to me, honey. Get up there. Be your charming self. Make the introductions from your heart, and get out. You're gonna... you're gonna be amazing, okay? Mwah!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Phil Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go. Go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good evening. I would not be here tonight if not for the hard work of the S.C.A.R.B. Board of trustees..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Trancito, little Manuel, and Carlos, my wife, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Nice to meet you. We have to talk." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Un momento. You know, I... I can't believe you never met them." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You've never met any of these people. You don't know anyone in this room. Vamos, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not leaving before the father/daughter dance. And \"these people,\" as you call them, are not just employees. They're mi familia, or \"my family.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know what \"mi familia\" is, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I was afraid of this." }, { "from": "Man [in Spanish]", "value": "At this time, I would like to bring the future groom to the dance." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. I'm gonna make this brief. I know a lot of you out there don't even know who I am. As my lovely wife, Gloria, pointed out, that's my fault, not yours. I'm Jay Pritchett, El jefe. Listen... on this very, very happy occasion, I'd like to pick up the tab on the bar. You know, when I started this company The" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "V-v-vamos!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I mean, honey, I am not kidding when I tell you there was a woman next to me gasping for breath." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Seriously, you were so freaking funny, Phil. I have seen professional comedians who could never have done that. You were unbeliev..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know it was you, Claire. You stole my index cards." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought I was protecting you. And if my plan had been successful, I would have robbed you of the greatest night ever. I'm sorry I'm awful." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're not awful. Claire... I love that you're looking out for me, and know why you worry about me. But I knew I had this tonight. I know." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sometimes I just think my job is to make sure you guys don't fall on your faces." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's a hard job in the Dunphy house. We fall a lot." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Maybe your real job is to be the person who picks us back up. Nobody does that better than you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Alex. Alex : I have no friends. Phil : You're on the clock." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. All right. What happened?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, my gosh, mom. You're killing me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's pretty good, right?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Pretty good? You could be, like, in Vegas." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well... W-w-what's going on there?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom does the funniest impression of that weird lady at the supermarket." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah. I know her. Let's hear it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Um... \"It's cheaper if you buy two jars of pickles.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's like she's right here!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know! Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom. The dog again..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know Papi, I want to strangle that crazy old thing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just ignore it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's easy for you to ignore because you have the old-man hearing. But Manny and I... we have the young ears." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't get how one dog keeps you awake when you grew up sleeping through cockfights and revolutions." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm-hmm. Very funny, Jay. Manny hasn't been able to sleep in weeks. It's screwing his brain for school. And it doesn't stop. It goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes, that could be annoying." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's it. I'm going over there." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, now, don't go starting something. Because whenever you do, I'm the one that... that, she couldn't hear." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They're gone. Cam. All the children are gone." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What children?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was running in the park, and I noticed that none of the kids Lily usually plays with were there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, it's still early." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But then I ran into Lori. Cameron : Boobs Lori or adult-braces Lori? Mitchell : Great-shoes Lori." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I like her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And she said that they all sent their kids to preschool." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?! We agreed to wait till next year." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was a fake-out to make sure that their kids got a spot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Those skinny bitches." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We have got to get her into school, Cameron, Or else she's gonna fall behind." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't you think I know that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, this is perfect. Oh, leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, here you go. Guys, breakfast. Guys. Phil. Hello. Phil : Totally with you. Kids, put your dishes in the dishwasher. Claire : Okay, no. That's it. Everybody, gadgets down now!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why are you freaking out?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because you're all so involved with your little gizmos, Nobody is even talking. Families are supposed to talk. What are you doing that's so important?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I'm locking in my fantasy roster. I'm unbeatable. We're totally getting an aboveground pool." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Die, stupid, die!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, I told you to put that down now. Come on, buddy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "One second. I'm about to beat dad's record." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You heard your mother. Claire ; What is so funny?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Nothing. \"mom's insane.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you, Haley." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "At least we talk." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, well, you know my kids are middle-management material at best. Didn't want to waste a lot of money... Yes, Mitchell, it's good. Why the interest?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just realized that all of Lily's friends are going to school this year, and now she's late." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't worry. She can wait another year. Just buy her a Blackberry, that's all she's gonna want to do anyway." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What did she say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She says to buy her a Blackberry." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lily doesn't have the dexterity for that, Claire!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is happening?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Can you just check with your school and see if maybe you can get us in?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm. I-I can probably get you an interview." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. That's great. That's great. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Oh, and, by the way, what do you think of that place Billingsley academy?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ooh. Billingsley. Very hoity-toity. You can't get in there unless you're really rich or you know somebody on the board." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, god, this is a nightmare." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mitch, it's preschool. Don't overthink it. My kids didn't go to Billingsley, and they are fine. I have to go. Phil. that's awesome." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Buenos días." }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We haven't formally met. I'm Gloria Pritchett from next door." }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "Larry Paulson. Yeah, I've seen you. Lucky guy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait a minute, then tell me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Your dog doesn't stop barking. All morning, all night. He wakes my son up, and he needs his sleep." }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "It's not my dog. It's my soon-to-be ex-wife's. She moved out three weeks ago." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is she coming back for it?" }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "Not unless it starts crapping money." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, you need to do something about the dog." }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "The dog is old and stupid." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Who are you really mad at, Larry? The dog or your wife?" }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "Who the hell is this kid?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, there's no need for that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'll tell you who he is. His name is \"shut up your damn dog\"!" }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "You know what's ironic? You come over here complaining, and I have never once said a word about that obnoxious parrot of yours that's always squawking." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Parrot?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What parrot?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is he talking about? What parrot?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How the hell do I know?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So, what do we do now?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing. We did it. He heard us." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He didn't hear nothing. Jay, don't go. Jay! Jay! Jay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "How am I supposed to do my homework?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The way I did." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "With a chisel and a piece of stone." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Can't unplug my funny bone." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I have a huge science paper due." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And we have a great set of encyclopedias...somewhere. What do you think the public library is for?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I thought that was a bathroom for homeless people." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Can I still play plants vs. Zombies?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you not listening?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But you learn about plants. And plants are life. Are you against life?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "How am I supposed to talk to my friends?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Talk to them at school." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or at a juice bar." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Or on the house phone." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Nobody even knows our number. I don't even know our number." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "So, you're saying dad's not going to go online?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yep." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's right." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What about fantasy football?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not a problem. My team's set this week. I am completely on board with your mother's horse and buggy to yesteryear. for the next week, I may as well be Amish. Jebediah Dunphy. Raising barns, witnessing murders, Making electric fireplace hearths." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh! This is so unfair!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know what? We're gonna make this fun. Turn it into a game. Whoever stays unplugged the longest, wins." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not what I had in mind, Phil." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What do we win?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What do you want? Alex : I want a new computer. Phil : Done." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're gonna get them off of electronics with the promise of more electronics?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I want chicken pot pie. And chicken." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I want a car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No way!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Done!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, I'm getting a car!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, fun, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil! We cannot afford a third car." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Relax. They're never gonna last as long as us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, don't take this the wrong way, But I have almost no faith in you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Secretary", "value": "Joanie will be right out. She's just finishing up another interview." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Thank you. Mitchell : Thank you. Thank you. Secretary : You're welcome." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I really like this place. Look at all these drawings." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And did you see the duckies in the yard? Lily loves duckies." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm gonna mention that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, do, because that's really gonna set her apart from the rest of the kids." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. We should also mention how she always perks up when we watch \"Charlie Rose.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That was one time. He was interviewing Elmo." }, { "from": "Secretary", "value": "You boys ought to relax." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry. We just... we really want to make a good impression." }, { "from": "Secretary", "value": "Mm. Gay adoptive parents with a minority baby? Sugars, you can get into any school you want." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Secretary", "value": "Oh, you didn't know that? oh, yeah. All of these schools like to brag about their diversity. You're diverse times three. In demand. You're like Jimmy Buffett tickets to these hybrid- driving, straight white folks." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I hear that, girl." }, { "from": "Secretary", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm coming!" }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "Where the hell is the dog?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who is it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's our neighbor. Larry : The dog is gone. Jay : Maybe it ran away." }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "It was chained to a tree." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Maybe your wife took it." }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "According to my credit card, my wife is in Europe, searching for the world's most expensive hotel." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then what do you want from us?" }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "You come over complaining about the dog and the next day it's gone? You tell me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll tell..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How dare you? You come to our house, you ring our bell many times, and you accuse us of taking your dog." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You should go home." }, { "from": "Larry", "value": "We're not done here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes, we are. What did you do?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You don't want to know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, honey. How was your day at work?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Amazing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mwah. Great. What happened?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Instead of wasting my lunch hour surfing the web, checking football stats, I put on some mellow music, And I meditated." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. For how long?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I have no idea. I just woke up 20 minutes ago." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, mom. I need a bar of soap and a black marker for an art project." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Well, the marker's over there, And the soap is under the sink. Isn't it great how much time you have now that you're not wasting it online?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god. Is this what you always sound like?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Look what I built, dad. Dunphy towers. 200 condos, a happy family in every one." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Way to go, buddy. I got to hand it to you, honey. 24 hours without video games, He's already contributing to society." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Die! Die!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "To be fair, he's using his imagination." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "There's no fire escapes! They cut corners! I'll cut your corners!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello? Oh, hi. Luke, honey, it's for you. Hi, Griffin. How are you? Yeah, he's right here. Hold on." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, Griffin. Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "There's a parasailing-donkey video on Youtube." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait, Luke. What about the contest?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I quit. I'm not made of stone, you know." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Uhh! I can't believe it. I got a \"b\" on my paper." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good for you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, it would be good for you. It's terrible for me. Thanks to your moldy encyclopedias, my take on mitosis was completely out of date. They don't even call it protoplasm anymore. It's cytoplasm." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, you could have asked one of us." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Now you're making jokes?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not making a joke." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Really? What's the difference between a gamete and a zygote?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't fall for it, Claire. She's just making up words." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Huh." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's it. I need the internet. I'm out of your stupid contest." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hmm. And then there were three." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's kind of scary." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're not buying her a car." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, buddy, what you reading? Manny : \"The old man and the sea.\" Jay : You like it?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I like that Hemingway gets to the point." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You read a lot of his stuff." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That was a hint, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh. Oh, okay. I want to ask you something... between you and me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You want to know if I think my mom did something to that dog." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sit." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't most kids drink soda? Manny : Who knows what they do? Gloria : So, your mom." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay, I've learned a few things in my 12 years. Don't skimp on linens, don't compliment a teacher on her figure, And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don't want the answers to." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't buy it. Sensitive kid like you. I think you want to know every bit as much as I do." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're wrong." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then why is your hand shaking?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "This is my fifth one of these today. I may have a problem." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay. That's enough." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, no, 4:00 tomorrow is fine. Yeah, my life partner and I will see you then. Thank... thank you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Since when do you call me your life partner?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Since a spot opened up at Billingsley academy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But I liked Wagon Wheel. It had all the duckies. And it reminded me of where I went in Missouri." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, everyone goes to Billingsley for a reason... It's the Harvard of preschools." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She's not even 2 years old yet. She doesn't need the Harvard of preschools. She needs finger painting and duckies." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm begging you to please just say \"ducks.\" Hello?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Great news. Wagon Wheel loved you. You're in." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Wagon wheel wants us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Well, that's great and everything, but actually we have an appointment tomorrow at Billingsley." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, apparently we are in very high demand." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, well, just so you know, I don't think Wagon Wheel is gonna hold a place for you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I think we're gonna take our chance." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Take our chance? That sounds chancy. You know, Mitchell, you were the one who called me in a panic. You were the one who needed me to get you in." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry, Claire. I didn't mean to put you out. But let's not get too dramatic here. You wrote an e-mail." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It wasn't an e-mail. It was a phone call from a land line." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What did you do? Mitchell : What's best for Lily. Cameron : Did you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, this is the first time that being gay is a competitive advantage. They're choosing teams for gym class, And we're finally getting picked first." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I always got picked first. I could throw a dodgeball through a piece of plywood. But I see your point." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey. Don't sneak up on me like that. What are you doing out here?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You got in my head about my mom. Is that the rat shovel?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Are you checking it for signs of dog?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I was going to." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, let's do this quick. If she catches us, we're as dead as that dog probably is." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What are you doing here? Nothing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why are you looking at that shovel? Do you think someone did something with that shovel, Manny?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "He thinks you killed the dog." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You little rat." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Don't call me a rat! She kills rats!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You really think that I would kill a dog?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, what was I supposed to think?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know. How about I didn't kill a dog?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just tell me what you did with it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's in a better place." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's what people say when something's dead." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, fine. I took him to a farm where he has plenty of room to run." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's the second thing people say when something's dead." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "My hairdresser's brother has three kids. They live in the country. They were so happy to have the dog that they gave me a jar of pickles. Is that also what they say when something is dead?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look. Look how happy they are, Instead of him being tied to a tree outside With no one to talk to." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place? Gloria : Like you would be okay with me stealing a dog? Jay : No." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, it worked out this time, But don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now, maybe in Colombia..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, here we go, Because in Colombia we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we are Peruvians!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Orlando. Domestic. Representative. Representative! Representative!" }, { "from": "Computer voice", "value": "You've got mail." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really, Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't understand. I was trying to deal with our plane tickets to visit your family." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Please stop. You're just embarrassing yourself. Well, it looks like it's just you and me, old man." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bring it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Secretary", "value": "And finally, here we are back at the office. If you two would like to take a seat, I will let Mr. Plympton know that you're here." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, thank you. This place is amazing!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I told you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's like Hogwarts!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The ladybug sanctuary." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my gosh. The little cobblestones." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So sweet. I know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Screw the duckies. We belong here. Do you think they're gonna let us in?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, relax. We're queer, we're here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, we are." }, { "from": "Secretary", "value": "Okay. Just a few more minutes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, thank you." }, { "from": "Stephanie", "value": "Hi. I'm Stephanie Kaner. And this is Javar. We have an interview with Mr. Plympton." }, { "from": "Secretary", "value": "Wonderful. These two are first. You'll be next." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Single white mother, black child." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So what? Lily's Asian. We're gay. In the school admissions poker game, we're the winning hand." }, { "from": "Stephanie", "value": "Oh, honey, sorry. My partner Kavita. Kavita : Hi. Nice to meet you." }, { "from": "Secretary", "value": "Hello. Nice to meet you. It will be just a few minutes." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Disabled interracial lesbians with an African kicker." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did not see that coming." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's been a while since I read an actual newspaper. Missed that sound. No, no, no, no!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Brady's injured. No! He's my whole team. I have to change my roster." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, if you can't do it over the phone, You can't do it, because we're not buying Haley a car." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well... Well, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil Dunphy, don't you even dream of it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, all my friends are in that league. I'm gonna look like an idiot." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So what?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So I paid a huge entrance fee." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How huge?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not huge. Tiny. Oh, my goodness. How is she not cracking up there? Listen to her." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, I know, but do you know?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait a minute. She's alone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She's alone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I know. You should see her pants. I'll text it to you. Oh, wait. Okay. Hold on. I'll send it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ha! Aha!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aha! Busted!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Sophie, I have to call you back." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I knew it. I knew you couldn't do it. I told you I'd outlast them." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "This sucks!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's going on?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll tell you what's going on. I win. Nobody gets a car, I dump Tom Brady, and our long Amish nightmare is over." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't believe you thought You were gonna put one over on us." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't believe That he's actually already on the internet." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Believe it, girl." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So, you're actually online right now?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, then I hate to break it to you, daddy, but you lose." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "This isn't my phone. I carved it out of a bar of soap and colored it in with a marker." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, she carved a telephone out of a bar of soap." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't believe it! I'm getting a car!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Holy crap, we've been Shawshanked." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mr. Plympton", "value": "Sorry about the delay. I was going over the plans for our new dance studio." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Mr. Plympton", "value": "So, tell me about yourselves." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, well, I'm a lawyer." }, { "from": "Mr. Plympton", "value": "Many of our applicants are attorneys." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Of course." }, { "from": "Mr. Plympton", "value": "What sets you apart?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, well, I..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "While my white-man name is Tucker, I am 1/16 Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, god." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "So, what are you saying? Claire : You're not getting a car. Haley : But I won." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, but we never thought you would." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, congratulations on your victory. Nobody can ever take that away from you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So true." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But I spent two days in my room talking to a bar of soap. It's not fair." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's totally not fair. Claire : We're outraged. Phil : Bad parenting." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But we had a deal." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Which, in hindsight, was utter nonsense." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We hated Billingsley." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The place is so stupid." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ugh! You blew the interview, didn't you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lesbians. Cameron : In a wheelchair. Claire : Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You still mad at me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You tell me. What is this?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I've been thinking if you said as much about America as I said about Colombia, I'd be plenty ticked off. Doesn't make up for everything, but..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "A trip to Colombia?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I want to see your village, learn your culture. I love you. I'm sure I'm gonna love where you come from." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Aw, Jay. Thank you, thank you, thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That, though I layretold with fire-haired man, The giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Please stop." }, { "from": "Mr. Plympton", "value": "Well, um..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Knowledge is her sustenance, like so much maize... which, you'll remember, means \"corn." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What if I was a single dad?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, honey. Breakfast will be ready in a minute." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aaaaaaaaah! My ha-a-a-nd! Aaaaaaaaaaah!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Very funny, mom. I know it's Halloween. Nice fake hand. Phil: Aaaah! Aaaah!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ha ha ha!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ha ha!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "We love Halloween. Especially Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's my favorite holiday. Ever since I was a kid, I loved scary things. If there was a new horror movie in town, I was the first in line. \"one, please.\" Then I met Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"two, please.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. All right. Do me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "♪ do me, do me, do me ♪" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I have to say, I feel kind of sexy. Well, squeaky sexy, but..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know I'd be enjoying this more If Halloween wasn't such a tough day for me. But I want you to go to work... and knock their socks off." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, my last job was at a pretty conservative law firm. No one there would ever dress up for Halloween. But apparently at this new company..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dale", "value": "Um, right now I'm thinking either vampire or werewolf. Every year it's harder to decide." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait, wait, wait. I-I'm sorry. Wait. So people really come to work in costumes here?" }, { "from": "Lance", "value": "Are you kidding? It's epic, bro!" }, { "from": "Dale", "value": "Epic." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm already the new guy. I don't want to be the non- partipation guy, too." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not on my watch. Unfortunately, Halloween was marred for me personally by an incident long ago. Now it's just a day I have to get through." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So you've said." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, so, everybody has to be here at 5:30 to rehearse our house of horrors. You guys have your costumes ready?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, but it's a secret. Me and Manny came up with something together." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I love that!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Can I have some candy?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. How 'bout you, Alex?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Well, I haven't really thought about it. I've got, like, three huge exams tomorrow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you can't just slap something together at the last minute. You know, if you gave this costume half as much time and attention as you give your homework, you wouldn't be in this situation." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Can I remind you, you have one child who's not mediocre?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Check it. I'm a scary black cat." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The only person that costume scares is me. Go change it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "To what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know. One of your old costumes. Honey, trust me. I am sparing you an entire day of guys asking you if you have a rough tongue. Ew." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hello." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi. Dad. It's me. I wanted to make sure you and Gloria were ready for tonight." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's tonight?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do you mean, what is tonight? Dad, it's Halloween. You know this." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Calm down, Morticia, I'm just teasing you. We'll be there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, but in costume this time. You can't just show up with a backwards baseball cap and call yourself Snoop Dogg like you did last year." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I didn't even know who that guy was. Haley turned my hat around and told me to say it. I thought he was a dog detective. Listen, don't worry. We got the whole thing worked out. Bye-bye." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Where are you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I have Manny in the carpool, And we're going to the dropout." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Dropout? You mean that Eddie kid? Yeah, he's a moron. Gloria : No, the dropout, where you drop the kids in the school. Manny : She means \"drop-off.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's what I said." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, did you ever do anything about costumes for Claire's thing tonight?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're going to be a \"gargle,\" And I'm gonna be an evil village bruja." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know less now than I did before I asked." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hmm. A bruja is a witch, and a gargle is a gargle." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She means \"gargoyle.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's what I said." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "As long as you got it covered. Because if Claire doesn't get her Halloween, She turns into a real \"rhymes with 'bruja.'\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm the only one. Ohh." }, { "from": "Dale", "value": "At lunch, I'll let you wear my fangs." }, { "from": "Lance", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Dale", "value": "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" }, { "from": "Lawyer #1", "value": "Whoo! Look at those tools." }, { "from": "Lawyer #2", "value": "Every year. What a couple of douches." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh. Oh, no." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There are exactly three people in costume here... A tool, a douche, and me. And I don't have time to go home and change and..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Calm down. Did you bring in the dry-cleaning from last night?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you really getting on me about the dry-cleaning wh... Oh. I have suits in the trunk." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look at that. Yesterday's lazy cures today'crazy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Thank you! Thank you. Okay." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Oh, there you are." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Charlie." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Hey, I need you in the Lampkin meeting. If I could just maybe have... Five minutes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "O-kay. Okay, hey." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "First legal question." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Can I fire those idiots for no reason? Oh, my gosh. Those are some major guns you got there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Eh, yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why won't this... hey, Jerry." }, { "from": "Jerry", "value": "Hey, Phil. Looking good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks. Wait till you see what we got planned for tonight. Claire and I are going as corpse bride and groom. As if there's any other kind, am I right? I'm saying marriage kills you." }, { "from": "Jerry", "value": "Judy left me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my god. I am so sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jerry", "value": "I was totally blindsided. I guess somewhere along the way she stopped finding me delightful." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, that's - that's coconuts. You're super delightful." }, { "from": "Jerry", "value": "Not to Judy. She used to laugh at everything I had to say, but now I can't even remember what her laugh sounds like." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire can do it. It's uncan..." }, { "from": "Jerry", "value": "I should go back inside. I have a dish to wash." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, but, hey... Jerry, if you need anything, all right? I'm your rock." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah. She was so unhappy. How's he doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's not taking it as well as you are." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I don't mean to be insensitive. I've just got a lot to get done." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't find you insensitive. I find you delightful. Do you find me delightful?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god, I just remembered! Jerry's supposed to be our porch scarecrow. Can you ask him if he'll still do it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's kind of a mess right now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, but it might make him feel better be around people." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll try... But his whole world just turned upside down. Can you imagine? One minute, you're happily married, the next minute, you're completely by yourself." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lawyer #3", "value": "I don't need excuses. I need this lawsuit to go away. Now, who's responsible for the keith deposition?" }, { "from": "Dale", "value": "uh, well, I was, \"shir.\" But, uh, in my defense, I \"wash\" told..." }, { "from": "Lawyer #3", "value": "Take those stupid fangs out, Dale. For starters, it's daytime. Vampires sleep during the day... which you may soon have plenty of time for." }, { "from": "Dale", "value": "I'm sorry, but I was told that we didn't need Keith." }, { "from": "Lawyer #3", "value": "Who told you that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I-I-I may have. I may have done that, sir." }, { "from": "Lawyer #3", "value": "Well, that's disappointing. But at least Mitchell's new here. Twilight, you're not. So get it done. Meeting adjourned." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Clive's waiting for us in my office. We're already late. Let's roll. Ah, you've really been hitting the gym. Yeah." }, { "from": "Lawyer #3", "value": "What the hell is that noise?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay! This came for you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh. Hi, honey. What is it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I called your secretary and told her to order you some crackers and those cheeses that you like... the tiny, little ones." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thanks. Did you pick up my \"gargle\" costume, too?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you making fun of me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "First, Manny correcting me. And now you? If I have a problem, I want to know, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, look, English is your second language. You're doing great." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, you're not helping by protecting my feelings. I want you to be honest with me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, well, I may have noticed some tiny, little mistakes You might want to te a look at." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Like what?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just little mispronunciations. Like, for example... Last night, you said, \"we live in a doggy-dog world.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, it's \"dog-eat-dog world.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, but... That doesn't make any sense. Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other? A doggy-dog world is a beautiful world Full of little puppies! What else do I say wrong?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, it's not \"blessings in the skies.\" It's \"blessings in disguise.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What else?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"carpal tunnel syndrome\" Is not \"carpool tunnel syndrome.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And what else?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not \"volumptuous.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, enough. I know that I have an accent. But people understand me just fine!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell is this?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I told you, Jay, I called your secretary and told her to order you a box of baby cheeses! Oh! So now it's my fault too!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jerry", "value": "Oh, yeah, can you tell Claire that I'm not really up for being the scarecrow? Judy and I used to love Halloween. It's her favorite holiday." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Huh." }, { "from": "Jerry", "value": "You know?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gosh, I hate to think of you sitting in there alone, Running through all this in your head. What could you have done differently? What could you have done differently?" }, { "from": "Jerry", "value": "It's actually a little hard for me to talk about." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't push me away. I'm not Judy." }, { "from": "Jerry", "value": "I could've been more spontaneous. Uh-huh. I-I-I could've tried to have been more fun and sexy like I was in the old days." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Spontaneous and sexy. I got it. Yep. And remember, I'm here for you, okay? Ohh! Son of a..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What the hell is that?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? You told me to put on an old costume." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not from when you were 8. Are you trying to get candy or Japanese businessmen? Change it. Go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jerry is a no-go on the crow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You've been over there this whole time?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, he was venting. I couldn't break free. God... You are sexy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not so fast. I don't think we're... It's okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I need to get down." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, we can get down. We can get way down." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god! Phil!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No! No, no, no, no, no! No! Okay. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. Okay. Focus, Mitchell. Focus. Focus." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm trapped in a men's room, And all I have on is the spider-man suit." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hot. Who is this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Somebody took my shirt, and all the rest Of my clothes are all \"toilety.\" I'm screwed." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why don't you just tell Charlie the truth?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I can't. I already messed up once today. And I can't risk it. I-I have another suit in my trunk, But I can't get to the car without going through the office." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what's ironic? Who could really help you right now is spider-man." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He's here. Ugh! Ooh! Okay. Okay. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no. no, no, no." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Behold, my creation! Monster, do my bidding!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I do as you command, master." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So cute." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay. Mom. You cannot have a problem with this. I'm Mother Teresa." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you kidding me?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? I'm her back when she was hot. Claire : I will pay you $10 to go put on more clothes. Alex :Bet it's the first time you ever heard that one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"come in if you dare.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right, and then dad does The thunder and the lightning and the fog. Usher the children in past Alex her cage." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm in a cage?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes! You're in a house of horrors being held against your will." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I know, so why do we need the cage?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And then Gloria pops up as the evil village bruja, and she says... \"welcome to your nightmare. Ah ha ha ha ha!\" and the Cam and Haley do their thing. Kids get their candy. They are ushered out. They think it's all over, but it's not! Because out on the porch, the scarecrow pops to life... Wow! ... for one final \"aah!\" And that's... Mitchell, you're the scarecrow!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, no. I was in a costume all day. It was awful." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's nothing compared to when I was..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You don't own bad Halloweens." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't I?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. We get it, Cam. Hard day. Mitchell, please. The costume's in the kitchen. Come on." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh. uh, Claire, Claire." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Before you go, I just want you to know..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. The wig. That - that's... Phil : ...I love you more now than I ev... Claire : That's nice." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're my best friend!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, guys." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Wow. God, you guys look great." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Thank you, Phil. I try my best. You look very dead-like." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, stop it. I said I was sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, no, no, Jay. For now on, I only speak in proper American So I don't embarrass you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Did she just get back from the dentist?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's mad at me because I told her Sometimes people can't understand her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Make it right, Jay. We're all just hanging by a thread." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey! Dad! Oh, you look great! Oh, good. Okay, Gloria's in position. Hi, Gloria. There you go. Right back here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Claire, I don't know that I'm... I'm feeling up to this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why, Cam? Why? What happened that is so awful you simultaneously can't speak of it and yet can't stop talking about it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can't. It's too emotional." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Some other time." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was 10." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, god." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Dressed as Quasimodo on a front porch With my best friend, Timmy Reglar, a ghostbuster. There was a bucket of candy with a sign. It said \"take one.\" one. Timmy took the entire bucket and put it in his bag. Timmy didn't play by the rules. It's what I liked and feared about him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Then the bag broke as a crowd of kids rounded the corner, saw the pile of candy. Timmy said, \"Cam did it!\"" }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "Trick or treat?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes. Yes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come in...If you dare." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Huh? Oh. L-let me see." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you for joining us on our sp..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no, no. First the thunder and the lightning!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, right. I got it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Perfect." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you for joining us... on our special night." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Other children haven't fared so well. Gloria : Welcome to your nightmare. Ha ha ha ha! Claire : What the hell is that?" }, { "from": "Girl", "value": "Can, uh - can we just get our candy?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay. But with all the fog, you may not be able to see... \"ahead.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Boo. Timmy started running. I wanted to run too but got stuck on a rose bush and that's when I fell. I fell hard!" }, { "from": "Girl", "value": "We can see his feet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay... Here, here! Have some candy. Happy Halloween. Okay, that was bad. That was a bad start. First of all, Dad, thunder, lightning, fog, cue. And we skipped Alex altogether. And... Gloria, since when do you speak English?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh... so now you have a problem with the way I speak. Like father, like daughter, in this \"dog eat dog\" family..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh..." }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "Trick or treats!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Places, places! Good. Phil ; I love you so much!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not now. Not now. Phil : Come in, if you dare! Claire : Dad! Dad!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh right! Right! Fog, the cue?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you for joining us on our special night." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Other children haven't fared so well..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ow, help me, help me..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Welcome to your nightmare, oh, oh, oh!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But with all the fog, you may not be able to see... \"ahead.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And everyone was screaming! \"that's him! Get quasimodo!\" And then the townspeople started chasing me! And that's when I wet my pants! I wet my pants! I wet my pants." }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "This place is weird. Let's go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mother of god. Ohh! Son of a..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is wrong with everyone?! Cam, \"townspeople\"? Really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I lived on a farm. They lived in town. They were the townspeople." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And, dad! Dad! It goes - lightning, thunder, fog cue!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This whole thing is a colossal fog cue." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Claire just doesn't understand, Cam. Maybe she's never been picked on for being different." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "When, Gloria? When have you ever been picked on for \"being different\"?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ask the \"gargle.\" Claire : what did she say? Jay : Gloria!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think she went insane." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She's not insane. She's my mother." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm your mother now!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Aw, my dad was..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh! Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what? I'm just gonna go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. Come on, Cam." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Uh, if uncle cam is leaving, I'm just gonna go upstairs and study." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, I have a party to go to, so..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh! She punched me in the face!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He came out of nowhere, and he scared the baby \"cheeses\" out of me!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you're talking normal again." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, I loved the story about the old man." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, nobody said \"old.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam, can we please just go?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, go, please. I don't care." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no. I'm done. I'm done. I'm not done. So not done. Look, here's the thing. We - we have reworks at Christmas now because that's what they do in Colombia, and I don't mind. Thanksgiving - that used to be me roasting a turkey, Until the gays took it over with whatever new turkey-cooking craze it is that you saw on the food network, All I ask - all I ask is that you leave me Halloween. Yeah, Halloween. I realize it is a crazy-ass holiday for a grown woman to care about this much, But it is my crazy-ass holiday. Mine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's a lot of complaining from somebody Who asked for thirds of our tandoori turkey last year." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! No! Not ready to talk!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. Listen... I know I haven't been much help today. That - that whole Jerry and Judy thing, It really hit me hard." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is that why you've been acting like such a nut all day?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know, what if someday that's us?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey! Okay, you... you might not want to hear this right now after the meltdown I just had in there, but... you're kind of stuck with me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You promise?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aw. I do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. That's great." }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "Trick or treat?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We should just put out a bowl of candy and have a cocktail, right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Come in if you dare." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thank you for joining us on our special night." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Other children haven't fared so well." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Help me! Help me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She's doing it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "welcome to your nightmare, muchachos!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No! No!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But with all this fog, it might be hard to see \"ahead.\" Cameron: Aaaaahhh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah! Yeah!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": ": Wha-ha-ha!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're back in the game! Let's go!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I love it! I love it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "whoa! That was for you. That was for you. I just did it for you. No, it wasn't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Or I'll have to give you the 'hindenburg' maneuver.\"," }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, one time she caught me staring off. And she goes, \"Cam, what's wrong? You look like a deer in 'head lice'!\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "If you tell her she doesn't have a choice, she'll say, \"don't you give me an 'old tomato.'\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Or when she says..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "okay! Enough! You try speaking in another language! Everybody out of my house!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Shh. One of the smoke alarms is chirping. I'm trying to figure out which one it is so I can change the battery." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, if anybody can find it it's you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You s-sound horrible. Why don't... Why don't you go back to bed?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "'cause I've got too much to do. I've got to make the ladyfingers for the bake sale, and I've got to go by the gym... I left my phone there yesterday." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll do all that. We're a team. When one of us is weak, we lean on the other." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you don't have to do that stuff." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, with all you do for me, including going to the gym four times a week to keep me interested, I got this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't you have houses to show today?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They...Canceled." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh, pumpkin." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you kidding me? It's...lucky. This way I get to stay here and take care of you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Dunphy. Hey. Is Haley ready for school?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's on her way down. Don't get too close to my wife." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Haley told you about that? It's just a dream." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, that came from the kitchen." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I-I thought it was in here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? Okay, you wait in here and listen for it. I'm gonna wait in there." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I mean, it's the least I can do... After...Well, you know." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm coming with you. Boy, I wish Haley would date some other boys." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't. I just feel like she owes it to herself to see what else is out there. The way that Dylan's always hanging around here, he's probably gonna try to marry her the second she turns 18." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, you never know. Maybe those two were meant to be together... Like we were." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, Haley and Dylan are not us." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I think that amount will be fine. I'm just happy you want Lily. I-I think you're gonna be very happy with her. Okay. Oh!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam? Did you just sell our baby?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, but do you remember that agent we met that represents child actors, the one who said Lily might have what it takes and gave us his card?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, that I threw away." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That I fished out of the trash? That was him they're shooting a children's-furniture-store commercial today, And they want Lily!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Look, I threw away that card for a reason." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Come on, it'll be fun, And Lily will be on TV, and we can put the money in her college account." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No let's just let our daughter have a normal childhood, huh?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think that gay cruise has sailed. It's just one commercial." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't like it. No. No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, what, so that's it? You're the parent with the final say? Why is that? Because you make the money?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's not about that, and you know it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I wouldn't expect you to understand us. You're not theater folk." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Neither are you. You did \"godspell\" one summer in a barn. You're barn folk." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Get used to that jealousy, Lily. Ordinary people just don't understand us." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman on P.A.", "value": "Dennis to shipping and receiving. Dennis to shipping and receiving." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Jack." }, { "from": "Jack", "value": "Hey! What are you guys doing here?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny had a doctor's appointment, So we're gonna catch lunch with Jay... is he there?" }, { "from": "Jack", "value": "Yeah, he's in back." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Good day, Jackson." }, { "from": "Jack", "value": "Good day, Manuel." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I see you're still forklifting." }, { "from": "Jack", "value": "More like lifting the fork." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Man, I was gonna say that joke!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry, but I gotta have lunch with my wife today. I know, baby, but I had to marry her so she could stay in the country." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, no! Where am I gonna find another husband that wears sweatpants to work?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Resort wear." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm-hmm. Maybe last resort." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, I'm glad you guys stopped by for lunch, 'cause you know what? I got to work a little late tonight." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, not tonight. Did you forget our date?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No! No. I was kidding!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I thought we could re-create the day. Do everything that we did the first time. So romantic." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, that's exactly what I was thinking." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay. Jack is so nice. I think he really likes Manny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What he likes is getting out of work. Wait a minute, is that Manny driving?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is it? Aah!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, it's him." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, my poor papi. Two doctors in one day." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom, I'm fine. The hospital said I could go back to school." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, you suffered a traumatic experience." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I barely remember it! I remember crashing through the wall and the ambulance ride to the hospital." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That wasn't an ambulance. I drove you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Then what was that siren?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That was your mother." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I was not that loud." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Cars pulled over, honey." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay, I'm sorry about your wall." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wasn't your fault.. And I've already taken care of him." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You killed him?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You can't kill people here. I fired him." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "But it was just an accident! He didn't mean it!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The guy's a screw-up. Should have been gone months ago." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can't we just give him another chance?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What is this \"we\"? Let me explain something to you people. Here in this family, it's we. At work, it's me. My rules, my decisions... Period." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's not fair!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You mad at me, too?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. You're right. It's your work. Besides, I can't be mad at you... not on our special day." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, I was thinking... With what happened to Manny, maybe we better postpone our special day until next weekend." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. Next weekend is the anniversary Of the first time that I cooked for you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "How you doin', typhoid Clairey?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey. what are you doing home?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She caught your cold and had to come home. I thought we should contain you two and keep it from spreading through the house." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come here. I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Aw. it's okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, did you finish my ladyfingers?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not yet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Did you pick up my phone from the gym?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not yet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is that the smoke detector? I thought you fixed that. Phil : Boy, you're really starting to sound like your old self. Claire : You know what this reminds me of?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Huh?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "When you were little and we used to snuggle and watch soap operas together. Remember that? Nothing's changed. Sonya's still married to that guy." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "One second." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The one with the... bad hairline." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dylan?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "O...Kay." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "God, I miss you, too. oh, it's just a cold, silly. You don't have to conceive of a world without me. Oh, nothing. I'm just in bed with my mom. Stop freaking out. It is not coming true." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, buddy! How are ya? W-what are you doin'?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Keeping the germs off me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You care about germs? I've seen you kiss a pigeon on the mouth." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "My class is going to Disneyland in two days. I can't get mom's cold." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Good plan. I remember this. My dad bought it during the Cuban missile crisis. I never got a turn in that. You think maybe later I could..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, maybe. What are you doing home in the afternoon? Phil : Oh, no big deal. Just had a couple of showings fall through. Luke : Again?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know what I always say." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sure do. Can't get back on that horse unless you fall off." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's right." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow. That's loud." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry. Where is that coming from?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Changing the battery in a smoke detector is what they teach you in man 101, So, of course, every time I hear that noise, all I hear is, \"beep beep... you're not a man. Beep beep... you're not...\" Really?!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, dad. Can you open this for me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Sure, buddy. Ow! Mm!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What happened?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I broke a nail." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitchell! What's up?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What do you... what do you mean? You... you just sent me an urgent text saying to come right over." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I used Jay's phone." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, what happened to your face?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, just a little scrape-up. Mitchell, I'd like to engage your legal services in representing my friend Jack in a wrongful- termination suit." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Forget it. He's not coming back. Don't take the case, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I-I don't think I was gonna take the case." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Fine. Then, under the circumstances, we have nothing further to talk about. These will be my last words to you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Knock knock." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Who's there? Okay, you got me. I hope you feel clever tricking your kid." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hello, Mitch! Mitchell : Hi, Gloria. Gloria : Congratulations! Mitchell : Hmm? On what? Gloria : Lily's commercial." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, no. We turned that down." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you sure? Because Cam sent me a picture of her in her makeup chair." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, sorry. He what?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, it's so exciting. You have to remember this day so that you can celebrate it every year." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "Okay, folks, we're about 10 minutes from shooting! Is talent ready?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, uh, she sure is. Did you hear that, Lily? You're the talent. Isn't that magical? Ooh. Grapes. Mm! And that is a prop." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, we're really gonna hang up this time. On the count of three. Ready? 1, 2, 3. Hello? I can't believe he hung up! I'm calling him back." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, give me that." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my god, is that Jesse?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. And he's still married to Angie. You know something else you might find interesting? Sonya is drinking, because she married a buffoon when she was young, and now she" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, that must be...Horrible." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, now she's just a bitter ghost of a woman, filled with resentment. But that's what happens when you commit to someone before you see what else is out there." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Seriously?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "She couldn't have laid it on thicker. \"ghost of a woman\"? \"total buffoon\"? I'm not an idiot. She was talking about her and my dad!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, well, maybe Sonya and her husband just need to... work a little harder." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Can he give her those years back? I mean, she could have been something. She could have traveled the world. Been with fascinating men. She could have accomplished things. That's all she thinks about now... Every time she looks at him." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aah! Ow!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Is that mom's apron?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's an apron. It's unisex. Some of the world's greatest chefs are men." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But it's bumped out where the boobs go. That's happening more and more." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hadn't noticed. Mrs. Vaughn! Thanks for calling back. Yeah, I was just about to... I see. Uh, is there anything I can say that will... All right. Well, thank you very much. And if... o-okay. Goodbye." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Did you lose another one?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Can't lose something you never had, right, pal?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That was the doorbell, dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "So, what happens if people stop buying houses? Are we all gonna have to get jobs?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just a little slump, buddy. Nothing I can't handle. Ron : Hi, I'm Ron. I work out with Claire at the gym." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! Yeah. Come on in." }, { "from": "Ron", "value": "I brought her phone back. She forgot it yesterday." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. Thanks. I'm Phil, Claire's husband." }, { "from": "Ron", "value": "Oh. Uh Claire never mentioned she had a husband. Nice to meet you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You too. Oh, sorry! I burnt my ladyfingers." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So quiet. It's like Christian \"silence\" reading room." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So am I." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, my two stubborn burros. I'm going out. Manny, be a good boy. Jay... Mm, I'll see you later. I think you know where." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey? You know what I was just thinking? You know how when people are in love,s they finish each other's sentences? Like, um... Tonight we're going to..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Have fun!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes. When we get to..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "...Gether later!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You have no idea where you're going, do you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tell me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hire Jack back." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Forget it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Your funeral." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "Thank you. I'll...Keep at in mind." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam. Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How did you get on the set?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I walked on it. It's not MGM. It's a warehouse behind a mattress store. I can't believe you went behind my back. We agreed..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We didn't agree on anything. You agreed. We don't have to agree on everything. I didn't like the book you bought her last week, but I didn't stop you from reading it to her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, what was wrong with it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How was it a big day for Biscuit, Mitchell? How?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, this isn't about Biscuit." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know. It's about our daughter, Lily." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, you want to know the truth? I think it's about you, Cam. I think you're using our daughter to fulfill some childhood dream of yours." }, { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "Okay. Parents... We're ready to start rolling. Now, while we're doing the shoot, Jim and Deb here will be doing the kids' voice-overs into the mike... Kind of like \"look who's talking.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. That's great. There are a lot of important people here, so I'm not gonna get mad, but I resent the implication that I would do anything that's not in the best interest of our daughter." }, { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "Okay, let's try a take! And...Action! Man : oh, no! We are lost in a city of high furniture prices! Woman : Ohh! Can no one protect us from these high prices?! Commercial Director : Cut! Lighting problem. One sec." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You can apologize to me anytime you're ready." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you kidding me?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This commercial... it's a big stereotype." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's called \"ironic.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, this is why Lily was perfect... she's Asian. She's a prop." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's called \"niche casting.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop telling me what stuff is called! You're so blinded by the spotlight, you can't see what's really going on here!" }, { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "Let's go again!" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "All right. Here we go. Let's roll, please!" }, { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "Action!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Oh, no! We are trapped in a city of high furniture prices! Woman : Ohh! Can no one protect us from these high prices?! Man : look! Over there!" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh-ohh-oh!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "It's save-zilla!" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "He's knocking down prices on everything from bibs to cribs!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Half off on playpens!" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Ahh!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "High chairs are low chairs!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me. 'scuse me. 'scuse me! 'scuse me! 'scuse me!" }, { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "Cut! What's the problem?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, don't you think this commercial just might be the teeniest bit racist? I mean, um, save-zilla?" }, { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "It's not racist. It's satire." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I know, but maybe... Maybe we could just tone it down a bit. Maybe not hit the accents so hard?" }, { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "This is the commercial you agreed to." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, well, I know. I just... I can't let my daughter do this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Commercial Director", "value": "We had an agreement." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I also have the best attorney in town, So do your worst. And by the way, Lily is Vietnamese, not Japanese. There's a big difference, but you wouldn't know that, because you're only interested in seeing these children as interchangeable stereotypes, not human beings. Come on, Lily. Let's go." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam? Cam, that's not..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hi, buddy. There we go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Going to meet your mother. Figured it out all by myself. Two years ago, we got our marriage license, we went to a little hot dog stand she said was the most romantic meal she ever had in her life. That's it, isn't it? Yeah, that's it. You can give me the cold shoulder the rest of your life. Jack's not coming back. See, I could overlook the goofing off, but you could have been seriously hurt today. Anybody puts my kid in danger doesn't get a second chance ever. I'll see you later." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Did you just call me your kid?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, geez." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You've never said that before." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sure I have." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Unh-unh." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, of course you're my kid. I mean, what do you think?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're going to the wrong place." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's not your wedding license." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What is it? Manny : First kiss. Jay : No. Just tell me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I mean, your first kiss... with my mom." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My god, you're right. Thanks!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "The pier." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thanks." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "But maybe Sonya didn't make a mistake, maybe she just met her soul mate when she was young." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no, no. That never happens. See, she threw her life away, and now she wants out." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, let's cut the crap. We're not talking about some character on a soap opera here, are we?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, we're not. Honey, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but... ...I've been feeling that way for a really long time, And...Can we be honest with each other? He's kind of a doofus." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I guess, but... I thought you liked that about him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, mnh-mnh. No, I never did. Believe me, honey. There are many better options out there." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Like who?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know. Off the top of my head, uh... How about that cute guy who delivers the pizzas?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He's like 18!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't mind me, ladies. This is the last one. I've changed the batteries in every last smoke detector in the house." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, dad. I think I found a place online where I can sell this organ. Can you drive me to the black market?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think they mean a different kind of organ, buddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, why are you trying to sell that?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "In case things with dad's job get even worse." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honestly, I don't know why everybody's making such a big deal. Everything's fine. It makes no sense! I changed every one!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm gonna call my dad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, we're not calling anyone! I can handle this. I just need the old burglar basher." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Is that your college cheerleading baton? Phil : Not when you're on the business end of it. Claire : Oh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Guess that one won't be chirping anymore, will it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Go after him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no, he just needs to blow off some steam." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How's that for battery?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, like it or not, you made a commitment, and maybe that doesn't mean anything to you anymore, but you owe it to this family to save your marriage and give it one more try." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "End of the line, smokey Joe!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Look, dad may be a doofus, But he is 10 times better than any pizza-delivery boy. Go to him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Did you..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I just detected your ass gettin' kicked!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Honey..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thought I forgot about you, didn't you? Nope." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, no. Stop." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I gotta stop the damn chirping." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This isn't about the noise. Sweetie.\tYou're having a bad" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "At the end of a bad month." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know how scary that is, Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, I don't, because you never tell me the bad stuff. You only share all the good stuff. Honey, what happened to us" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I must be catching your cold." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Okay. You know what? Let's just get new smoke detectors." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We already changed them out last year. Remember, buddy? You helped me." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sure did." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait a minute. What'd you do with the old ones?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You told me to throw them in the garbage, So I put them in the attic to make a robot." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's the old ones. The batteries are dying, And we can hear them through the vents. you did it, buddy! I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I love you. Phil : I love you. Haley : I did that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. That must be the pizza I ordered." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Pizza? You ordered pizza?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. I was just sort of in the mood, you know?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But we had pizza a couple nights ago." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know, but I had an urge, And when you get an urge, you get an urge." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, here, I'll get it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, sweetie, I've got it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, mom. You're always asking me to do things. I'll get it. Here, just sit back, relax." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I-I...Really..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, get the change. I'll get the pizza. Don't worry. Here! And I think it's best you don't come around here anymore!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, everybody! We're gonna be late for Manny's birthday! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm ready, mom. Claire : You sure, honey? Luke : Yep." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Then take a quick peek at your feet." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh! Come on, Luke!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you gonna walk faster, or should I get Lily's stroller out of the car and push you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Would you relax? The restaurant's like five minutes away from here... ohh, free lotion." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop stopping to smell the roses. Manny's present." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ohh, you are such a Pritchett." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's that supposed to mean?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm looking for the keys!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course you are." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, come on. We're gonna be late. Let's go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, yeah, just filling out the application to family camp." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You don't win the \"dirty dancing\" competition and not go back to defend your crown." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm. That's right. Come on, honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But shoot for the king... You better kill him." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Every summer, we spend a week at family camp. It's just like regular camp, but with the family!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. I don't think that needed any clarification, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Somebody's still a little toy about losing last year's color war." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She was on team blue..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or as I like to refer to them as team blue-zer. And I was on white." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And if you ain't white..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You ain't right!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil! Have you learned nothing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, come on, everybody. Front door! Now!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, relax. It takes 15 minutes to get there." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "It takes 20 minutes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "If we take your route." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, my way is the most direct." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Directly into traffic." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, your way is directly into... The suckiest way." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Want to make this interesting?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah, I don't think that's possible." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We take two cars and see who gets there first." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Fine. Fine. Let's do that. It's on." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah! It is on! I'll take the girls." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, your dad and I are splitting up." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Another one of their stupid arguments." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay. I'll go with dad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no. Buddy. Come with me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Prepare to be... my shoes. Come on, Phil!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "How do I look?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Like al Capone." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Thanks!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Happy Birthday, kid." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Whoa! A bb gun?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Enjoy. That's the best gift my dad ever gave me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "My keys are nowhere! We're gonna have to go in your car." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's in the shop. Where was the last place you put your keys?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, so now it's my fault? Where was the last place you put my keys? Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "In your hand when I bought you the car." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Jay, on the box, it says \"ages 16 and up.\" Is this an appropriate gift for me?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you kidding me? You were born 16. You know, we wouldn't be having this problem if you hadn't lost the spare set." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I didn't lose them. Somebody came in here and stole them!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And left the car." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What do you mean, I was born 16?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just saying, you were never much of a kid. And that's a good thing, 'cause I never liked kids. You know, you ought to try the fridge. 'Cause that's where we found your cellphone." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It was only one time, Jay. And you know I always eat after I talk to my mother." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Happy Birthday, old man." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, that was a stop sign." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll stop twice on the way back." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, good, it'll give us a chance to pick up that hubcap you lost cutting through the temple parking lot. Yellow... yellow! Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you seeing this? We are making every light, and we don't even have to speed. The system works." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know, I went a little fast back there, but, really, 40 is the same as 35." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You say that a lot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't think you two appreciate what's at stake here our lives?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Our lives ?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know I love your mother, but I think you also know a certain look she gets that says, \"just listen to me, I'm always right.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You mean her face?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "N-now we're getting this. If we're right this one time, then we never have to be right again. When she says, \"that balloon can't carry a person, Phil,\" I say, \"Manny's birthday.\"" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"Take your jacket, Alex. I think it's gonna rain.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Manny's birthday.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Don't look at me. Look at the road." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Manny's birthday.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, dad! Look at the road! There's a truck!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweet baby!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "We are so kicking your dad's butt! We are the best ones!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How come you and dad are breaking up?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "If it's just a little disagreement, can't you just work it out?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, sweetie, you thought that when I said we were splitting up... No. No, your dad and I are fine, honey. We just were gonna take separate cars to see who could get to the restaurant faster." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, that's a relief." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh, you must have been feeling awful back there. I am so sorry." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why did you say you'd go with your dad?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Great. Mom gets to be right again." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, bad attitudes lose races." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, swerving into a curb and popping your tire loses races." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "We should call the cops and say mom's car was stolen. They arrest her, we win." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, they trace those calls. But this is great. Thinking like a team! Good practice for family camp." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We're, uh, we're doing that again?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah! And this year I predict total white domination." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Can't go back there." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I heard this summer there's gonna be a hoedown." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Haley!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't! I can't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Eight minutes talking to the lady at the stationery store and still no present." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I think a new friend is like a present." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, I read that card, too. Can we please just buy the next thing we see and get out of here?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, why can't you enjoy this? It's a beautiful afternoon, Lily's with a sitter. The day is ours!" }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "Helen! Helen! Helen!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Helen!!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, look at that. Another friend. Off we go. Very busy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. Stop. You are too tied to your rigid schedules. You're missing life. It took all of two seconds to help this nice man." }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "W-w-wait. Wait. There's more." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Two seconds. Yeah." }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "Tell her I'm so sorry, I've always loved her." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He says he's so sorry! And that he's always loved you!" }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "Please come up and talk to me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Please come up and talk to him! His life would be empty without you! I'm sorry I'm going off script. It just felt right." }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "Oh. Good. Oh. T-too late." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, you know what? Give him your cellphone. I'll chase Helen down and give her my phone. They can hash it out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you... are you serious?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, I'm serious as a heart attack." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You always do this. Now we're gonna be late to our own party." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Stop shouting." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, technically, I wasn't really..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh, yes, hello. Is Seymour butts there? I'd never made a prank call... Never mixed different sodas together to see what they'd taste like. So I knew I had to make the most of what little childhood I had left. Not \"lutts.\" I'm looking for butts. Yes, I'm trying to get ahold of butts. Very funny. I don't have time for this foolishness." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe if you had a system for where you leave things." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I have a system. I put down things, then I remember where I put them." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And that would be preferable to, say, putting them on the key holder which just happens to look like a large key." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Stop screaming!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Turning back the clock. Disgusting!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't judge me. You've never been married. This never happened." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know what you're talking about." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's a good man." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You all right? You okay?" }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "W-why do you ask?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Okay. Well, I think this is for you." }, { "from": "Helen", "value": "I-I don't know what to say to him. Cameron : Just open your heart and listen, Helen. Helen : Okay. Hello?" }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "I dropped your phone." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. I was here when it happened. Okay. It's all right. We'll just..." }, { "from": "Helen", "value": "I can't. I-I just can't." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Helen, you have to try. I once almost let my own fears stop me from embarking on a relationship, and I would have lost the love of my life." }, { "from": "Helen", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "Helen!" }, { "from": "Helen", "value": "Donald!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hang on. Hang on, Helen! I'll have you down in a jiffy! Hold on tight! Ow. Nails. Helen. Nails. Nails. Nails. Helen." }, { "from": "Donald", "value": "Helen, please just give me a chance." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Give him a chance!!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She's right here. Cam, come on. We're running out of time." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're running out of time? Sensitive. Go to him." }, { "from": "Helen", "value": "Ohh, I-it's nice that you care so much about us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Without love we're nothing." }, { "from": "Helen", "value": "But what about his wife?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It was a pleasure meeting you both." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I get it, Luke. You think he's the fun one. That's why you'd go with him." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You think your dad is more fun than I am." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Definitely." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"Definitely.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad's, like, crazy-fun." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Luke : But you're nice. Claire : I'm nice?!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, not now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Tell him. Phil : Tell me what? Alex : Nothing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, what do we call daddy's car, girls? Girls : The cone of trust." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The cone of trust. Exactamundo. Where you can speak your mind with no judgment. So, what is it? Boys? Your bodies are changing? Eggs?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No! No. We were just thinking that maybe... If... if you're open to it..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, we love you, but we do not want to go to family camp this year." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad? Are you upset?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nope." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Then what was that sniff?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sniff? What sniff? I'm... I'm, uh... I'm actually relieved. The day that I've been dreading, uh, the day when you two finally outgrow me, has finally arrived, and I'm handling it really well." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, are you crying?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nope." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Are you sure you're okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my God. He is crying. I've never seen dad cry before." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But, dad, if you cry, then I'll cry!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm not crying." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We made our daddy cry!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You called me daddy?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Because you are our daddy!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll always be your daddy!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Don't cry, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am not crying. Let me fill you in on a little secret, Luke. When I met your dad, I was fun, too. But I had to give all that up, because you can't have two fun parents. That's a carnival. You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a $100 bill? Two fun parents. Mark my words. Mm- hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How come I do all the looking and you do all the sitting?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "'Cause you do all the losing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, and you're this close of doing all the sleeping in a tent in the backyard!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Did you check your purse?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, of course!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's a big purse. You might want to look again. Gloria : Okay. I check. You rest. No. There's nothing. Jay : You're sure?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes. I've looked twice now. There's nothing. Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then you better call us a cab! Manny! Manny? What the hell? Where'd that thing come from?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Christmas. Two years ago. Never took it out of the box. \"Who would enjoy that?\" I thought. A kid, that's who." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, come on. We've got your party." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What's the point? You were right. I-I was born 16. I've lost my childhood." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why did you want me to look again in my purse, Jay, huh? Is it because you put the keys in there?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. Why did you find it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, I found them because you put the keys in there! Manny, what the hell are you doing there?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He wants to cancel his party because he missed his childhood." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The party that I have rescheduled three times, changed the restaurant twice so that the whole family could be together?!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Please send my regrets. Now, if I could have a little privacy..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Privacy?! Esto es lo que me faltaba a mí. Privacy?! ¿en esta casa?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is that a skateboard down there?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "The second thing that slipped right out from under me today." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, time to get out." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "The first was my childhood." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I get it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I am so sick of stubborn men! You, you act like a little boy that doesn't want to accept that he's wrong. And you like a sad old man that doesn't wt to be happy! That's it!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You could have shot me!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Come on, Manny. I could've unbuttoned your shirt if I wanted to. Now come here, or sink! And I'm taking this with me in the car." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Vámonos." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know that face, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, a-and we're walking." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It means you were right and I was wrong for trying to help two people." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Adulterers?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Fair enough." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "A-actually, the most adult adulterers ever." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But my impulse was still right." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, God. Here we go." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Life is about being... yes. You know what? Here we do go. It's about being spontaneous. It's about throwing yourself into something, not working long hours every night at the office. It's like you're living your l... what is this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me, constable, what... what is going on? Oh, it's a flash mob! It's a flash mob! Ooh! We saw it on YouTube. Remember? People get together and choreograph big dance numbers!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We should go. T-this is kind of weird." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, this is joyful, Mitchell. You, of all people, should..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, so, this is why I was rushing you around. Huh? What do you think of me now?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How could you, Mitchell? Mitchell : What? Cameron. Cameron. Cameron : Not now. Donald!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "You do fun stuff. You put that potato chip in my sandwich. That was a crunchy surprise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nope, that was your dad. Everything fun is your dad. Second Christmas, Italian-accent night... this race." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Which we could've won. Your way is way faster." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It is, isn't it? Buckle up, Luke. Today you have two fun parents." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Come on, mom. You can do it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's right I can." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Tell me the truth, Jay. Did you put the key in my bag?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I won't be mad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "In order to prove a point, I may have..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I knew it! Ow!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why did I get you such a big watch?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why, Jay?! What point did you have to prove?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm trying to teach you to be organized. Your mind is scattered, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Your mind is gonna be scattered. Manny, hand me the gun!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I appreciate the gesture, and I'm not proud of how I'm feeling right now, but the fact is, you cheated on me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "In what way did I cheat on you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You cheated on me with choreography, and that is the worst kind." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, it really isn't." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You danced without me, Mitchell!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "If I'd known it was my last summer there, I'd have gone for the lead in \"pippin.\"" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, look up ahead. Coming at us. There's mom! Beat her!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't think he's in the mood for that right now. Alex : Hold on. No. If ever a man needed a win, it's this man. Haley : What do you say, dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. This one's for family camp." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Whoo!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Whoo-hoo!" }, { "from": "Girls", "value": "Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Ohhh..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is so inappropriate!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I love you!" }, { "from": "Girls", "value": "Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom, look out!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam! Anybody hurt? Cmaeron : I am." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I was almost too depressed to come today. I realized I let my childhood slip away. Look at Luke there... making one big straw out of three. Never change, Luke. I really thought it was too late for me. But watching all you acting like children, it hit me... I've got plenty of time left to be a kid. Anyway, happy birthday to me." }, { "from": "All", "value": "Happy birthday, Manny. Cameron : : I have been a child. Jay : I'm sorry I hid the keys." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm sorry I shoot the island. Mmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're totally racing home." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm way ahead of you. As usual." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "They say it's going to be a rainy weekend." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They don't know." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I do. My knee's been singing all morning." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Unbelievable. Mother of g..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Put them down and walk away." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, Gloria..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "So the rate of defusion equals... something.. times the square root of... Something... I give up." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Aw, so close." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Shut up." }, { "from": "David", "value": "Hey, don't worry. You'll get it. You know, a lot of famous scientists are women." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "They're fat, though, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Alex. It's time for your Cello lesson. How's the tutoring going?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Are you familiar with the term \"Throwing good money after bad\"?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Are you familiar with the term \"Dunphy, party of one\"? Because you will be." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Girls." }, { "from": "David", "value": "Haley's coming along really well, Mrs. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Good. Good. Well, the key is to take a lot of little breaks so you don't get frustrated and want to quit." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Got it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was talking to David. Come on, Sweetie." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm just saying... She's never gonna get a job, and how do we know the right middle-eastern businessman wouldn't treat her great?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I left my shopping list inside. For the record, we thought she could live with you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Like I'm gonna tell any of you where I live." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Momma should be here by now. I wonder what's keeping her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, Cam, that depends. Did she take her jalopy or one of them new fancy flyin' machines?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, Missouri is more Cosmopolitan than you give it credit for, Mitchell. It's got a very vibrant cowboy-poetry scene." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm not sure you're making the point that you think... Cameron : That's her. Come on. Look alive. Look alive. Momma! Barb : Oh, my baby! Oh, my little bomber. Puppy kiss." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mwah! Mwah! Barb : Mitchell, get over here! Mitchell : Aah, hey, Barb!" }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Oh, my baby's baby! How are you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ohh! Oh-ho! Oh, yeah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I don't want to overstate this, but my mom is the greatest woman that ever lived." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam loves his mom." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She raised 4 kids, 2 barns, and a whole lot of hell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, that sounds like a country song." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And that song would be called \"The greatest woman that ever lived.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam loves his mom." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barb", "value": "Oh, I have missed these shoulders!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ooh...Aah..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Barb. I got you the cranberries you wanted for the stuffing." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Oh, bless your heart. Mmm-mm-hmm! Mm-mm-mmm!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barb", "value": "Let me get in there and help ya. Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! And a horsey bite." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, you want to go to the mall with me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, actually, my stomach's a little funny today." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, I am so sorry, Papi. Maybe we'll stop first at the crib store, and you lay down, and I buy you a little dress, huh?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria thinks Americans are babies." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, in Colombia, we couldn't go running to the hospital for every little sniffle or dislocated shoulder." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay, what are your symptoms? Nausea, bloating?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, what did I say about getting off that crazy doctor website?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm just worried about Jay. Stomach pains can mean a lot of things... intestinal blockage... Do you have a fever?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Stop it! Manny, he's fine. Tell him you're fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, good. Get in the car." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, home fine, not mall fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, you know what happens when I shop angry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll clear a space." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm not loving your color." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go play." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Don't be a hero." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "So, dumb guys go for dumb girls, and smart guys go for dumb girls? What do the smart girls get?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Cats mostly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, Haley, how long have I been paying this guy to make out with you?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, about a week. First it was just to shut him up, but now I'm starting to like him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "If you really like him, though, you have to break up with Dylan." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? No!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Believe me... and it's best for everybody if you just do it quickly." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can't believe we're having this conversation. He's like part of the family." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Trust me... It's the right thing to do. Just end it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, but be gentle. Boys are surprisingly sensitive at that age." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Water-polo-girl story." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, I'm gonna tell the water-polo-girl story, 'cause it hurt! Okay, so I'm working in the principal's office. She walks in, hair all silver from the chlorine... Tells me she wants her varsity jacket back. I tear up a little, then I tear up a lot. I'm begging, I'm begging... at some point I realize I'm sitting on the button to the high-school intercom system. Yuk it up, ladies. Wasn't funny then, is not funny now. It was traumatic, Haley. Don't do Dylan like Linda \"The Cannon\" did me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey... That was a long time ago." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I loved her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. I know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know what? Maybe I'll call Dylan after he talks to Haley. He's gonna need someone to lean on." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But that someone should not be his ex-girlfriend's father. Honey, when Dylan is out of her life, he should be out of ours." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You've always hated Dylan." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have not always hated Dylan. I have always thought that Haley could do better. Plus, the new boyfriend is super smart." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's done. We broke up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I texted Dylan. It's over." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll bet that's him. Yep. Sad-face emoticon! You can feel the hurt through the phone!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam's mom spend half of dinner with her hands all over me. Oh. It was like she was blind and wanted to know what my thighs looked like." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you sure? I mean, are you really the best judge of this kind of a thing? You've had boundary issues since you were a kid." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I have not!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Sorry. My mistake. Must be Cam's mom... her issues." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing... Just getting a spoon." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is it bothering you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, it is." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, Mitchell" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Claire, stop it! Stop it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Force field!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That never stops being fun." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Good. Listen, this is... This is not in my head, Claire. And it's actually getting worse." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What does Cam say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, he never seems to notice. And I certainly can't talk to him about it because God forbid I say anything negative about his mom. One time I added salt to her casserole... And he went into the garage and punched the car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, Mitchell, if this is happening... and I'm pretty sure it isn't..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you. Supportive." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Then you need Cam to see his mom feeling you up and then make Cam deal with it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ew." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Think about it. Hi, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. Mm. Or, I guess, now that Haley and I broke up, I should call you \"Claire.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Actually, I think we're gonna stick with \"Mrs. Dunphy.\" Come on in. How are you doing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Not so good. I mean, everywhere I look, I see her face. Uhh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "To be fair, Dylan, that is a family portrait. Dylan : I got to go get some of my stuff. Is that cool? Claire : Oh, sure. Yeah." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "There she is again!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, don't look on the bookshelf! You're just gonna..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, kid, you got a minute? I need the name of that medical website." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can this wait until I'm home? I'm having the round of my life." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I've been thinking, I might have a couple of those," }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh, I see. You might as well play through. It's gonna be a while." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I mean, I'm probably wrong, but, you know, I just, uh, want to make sure." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is that Manny?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Work. So, uh, tell them I'll... I'll get that order out this afternoon, huh?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Did she buy that? Because it sounded fake on this end." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll talk to you later, Tom. Tom." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dylan! Oh, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, Mr. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, now that you guys are broken up, you can call me whatever you want. Phil, Vitamin p., P. Daddy." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Okay, Phil." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. I'm gonna miss that bad boy. When I forget my own axe, sometimes I come in here and noodle on it. Actually, I've been writing a little song of my own. Might be able to pluck out a few..." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "You know, I keep on hoping that this is just a dream, that Haley and I didn't really break up. But it's not a dream... Unless the whole thing was a dream and we never even dated in the first place." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Weird... this is kind of what my song's about." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah. Weird." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey... I know this is tough, but you're gonna be fine. You know, I was a lot like you in High School... except my hair was shorter and my guitar was a flute." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Well, if you want your own guitar, I mean, we could... we could go out and we'd pick you one." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I don't... I don't know if that's such a good idea." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Well I guess I'll get going. So... I can...Well, be alone forever." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, what... what the hell? Yeah! Let's go guitar shopping." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Awesome. Uh, do me a favor. Don't... Don't tell Mrs. Dunphy?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah. Definitely. You got it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. All right." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Well, I guess I'll see ya." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. You... you, uh, you can go ahead and exit through the...Front door." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh, right. Habit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"You're the cutest boy in school. We're gonna have an awesome summer. Smooches... Brenda.\" Oh, Brenda, you are about to have the most confusing summer of your life." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, guys!" }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Hey. Oh, there's Mitchell! My little corn silk!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ah. Oh! Oh, Barb, oh, you are such a good hugger." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Isn't she the best hugger?" }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Oh, thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, and look what I... I got you, Barb." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "What's that? Oh..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Scratchers!" }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Mmm... thank you. Nice." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's your tea. I'm gonna get your tea." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Thanks, honey. Well, I need a quarter." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Let me have that. Oh, wow, yeah, feel free to fish around in there. Cam? Cam. I'd like a cup, too, please." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just a second." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh, Barb, ohh. You know what? I-I-I strained myself so bad today." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Ohh. Well, what's hurtin' on ya?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's this area between my, uh, lower back and upper thigh." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Sounds like your Fanny." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's my Fanny. It's really knotted up." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Well, you need someone to work on that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh, I would love that. Just... It's really seized up. Just put your fingers all over my... My Fanny. Your magic fingers... Barb." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Momma? Your tea. Mitchell?" }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Thanks, Sweetie." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "See you in the room for a minute? Thank you. It's very hot. Don't burn your tongue." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "All right, honey." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, I am not gonna cry, but I want to know why, Mitchell, why you are presenting to my mother like a baboon." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I wanted you to see her fondling me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, you do want me to cry." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, Cam, it's just that... She's always touching me inappropriately, and you never seem to notice." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Show me, Mitchell. Show me on Lily's doll where my mother is touching you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know that you don't want to hear this, but she's handsy, and it makes me uncomfortable." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God. I know what this is. You're just not used to having a mother that shows affection." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, do not make this about my mother." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I didn't. But it is normal for a mother to be physical. And it is not strange for an occasional hug or a little pat on tanny." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, these aren't pats, Cam... no. She squeezes and lingers!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Show me where she squeezes and lingers." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, put the doll down. I don't know if this is just sexual or... or crazy town, but your mother cannot keep her hands off of me, and it's creeping me out No. Oh... Barb..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let me show you where you stabbed my momma." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks for helping me pick out my axe. You were so right, by the way. The one with two necks would have been overkill." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "If you want, you can have some of that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Diet starts tomorrow! Don't tell Mrs. Dunphy about this, either." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I, uh, I always wanted to go to this place with Haley, but she said it looked stupid." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's a girl with strong opinions... like her mother. Claire hates this new sweatshirt I bought. She says it looks like something a girl would wear to the beach." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah, it does." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But I wear it anyway. See? I figure, why be alive if you can't do the things you're passionate about? What are you passionate about, Dylan?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Uh, I always wanted to drive to Graceland." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fun! What else?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I know a guy who can get me a pet bobcat." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah! No, you don't really know what they're gonna do. The point is, you got your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy being single. I really got to play that song for you. This is all in there." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Awesome. Be right back." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, hey, come here. Is that guy over there with someone?" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Could you tell if there was anything going on between them?" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "I don't know. They were talking about taking a trip to Graceland together." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He just wants to go 'cause he thinks it's an amusement park!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I got to tell you, this is looking more and more like diverticulitis." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Do they say how to treat it? Like a heating pad or... Ohh!... There it is again." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, describe the pain." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's like I'm being stabbed, but also like I ate a bad scallop that's stabbing me from the inside." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's colorful, but there's no box for that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What are you guys looking at?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Girls!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Huffington post... Girls." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, let me see that screen. What did I tell you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not his fault. I asked him to look. I'm starting to think I have a serious problem here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, you do! That computer! You read it there, you think it here, you feel it here. You want to feel better? There... you're cured." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Give me 15 minutes, then tell Florence Nightingale I went to the hospital." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm gonna kill her! I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna kill both of them!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dylan has a new girlfriend!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "When did that happen?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who cares?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm just surprised he didn't say anything... to you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He's not answering my texts. How could he do this to me?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, you were the one who broke up with him." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I didn't think he was gonna find someone so fast! Maybe he's better than I thought." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, he's not. What? No, he's not better! No, you know who's better? David... David the tutor. Smart, smart David? Maybe that's him right now! Do you want the house to yourself? For just a little while." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I got your texts. You swore a lot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Who is she?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Who is who?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Your new girlfriend. I need her name and address, so I can mess her up." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I don't have a new girlfriend." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Don't play dumb, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I'm not. I'm never playing dumb!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I saw you at that stupid restaurant, sharing a sundae with her ugly sweatshirt on the chair. Oh, is that the skank?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "No... No, there's... There's no skank. Haley : Well, then why aren't yo answering it! Dylan : 'Cause I want to talk to you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, I want to talk to her. I'm gonna call her back and tell her to keep her hands off of what belongs to me." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Haley..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hello. Haley : Dad? Phil : Haley?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh...My...God... the sweatshirt? That was you with Dylan?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait, you're the other girl?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, we're just friends! Claire : Phil, what are you... Phil : Shh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, put the phone down. What is going on?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He needed someone to talk to. He took the break-up pretty hard." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You did?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Ohh... yeah. I mean, I kept on hoping that we'd get back together. Thinking of you with someone else just drove me crazy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Me too, baby." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "But then your Dad helped me figure out maybe it's best if we're apart." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nice." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I mean, I think I just need a little time to date... Dylan. Claire: Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "And I mean me, not another guy named Dylan." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So, we're still broken up?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah, I think so." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wow. Okay... Um... I don't know... I'll see you." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Bye." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you okay, baby? Do you need another pillow?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know you think this is nothing, but he did say it could be an ulcer." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He also said it could be gas. Do you want me to burp you? Come here. Come here." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Dollars to doughnuts, it's diverticulitis." }, { "from": "Doctor", "value": "Actually, it's not." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Aha!" }, { "from": "Doctor", "value": "You have acute pendicitis. We need to get you into surgery right away. Emergency surgery." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I told you it was something. Aha!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That can't be right. You have to check again!" }, { "from": "Doctor", "value": "The tests are conclusive. Everything will be all right, Mr. Pritchett. Let's go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Jay, if that's true, then I'm the worst wife in the whole wide world! I made you suffer for two whole days!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, it's okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's not okay! Why?! Why do I always almost kill my husbands?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And I want to hear this story sometime, but I'm sort of counting down to a rupture here!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No!! You can't go without forgiving me! What if you die in there? What do I do without you?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I forgive you, but nobody dies of an appendectomy!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "True, it's usually the anesthesia that gets you. You're over 60, right?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I will never forget you, Jay!!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Could you go back to not caring, please?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barb", "value": "Mitchell, it's Barb." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh, Barb. I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Well, no, no, honey, you hush. Look, I... I've been thinking about what I heard, and... Maybe I do touch you too much. And I could say it's 'cause we're a family, but, you know, I don't know. I guess I have been having some fun with you, and I...I thought that it was harmless, but I would never want to make you uncomfortable." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Barb, it's my fault, too." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "So we're okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, yes, of course." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Thank God. 'Cause I couldn't live with myself if things stayed weird between us." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What is it?" }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Well, we got it all worked out, Sweetie! Cameron : Oh, great. Let me get my camera! Mitchell : Okay, that's not necessary... No!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barb", "value": "From now on, if I go too far, please, you just tell me about it. Okay. What is that? Oh... Ohh! Almost lost my bracelet. That would be an area that's okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Oh, dang it! I'll get it. I'll get it. Oh, no, I saw where it fell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Force field! Force field!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What's going on?" }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "I lost my bracelet in here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Momma! Listen, I think this might be one of those situations where Mitchell feels like you're crossing a boundary." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Really? Cameron : Yeah. Barb : Like, this too? Cameron : Yeah." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Well... I...I got to have a good long think about how I conduct myself. I'm truly sorry, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's okay! It's okay." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "Well, let's take one quick picture, and we'll get out of his way." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Absolutely. Scooch together there." }, { "from": "Barb", "value": "This all right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I miss him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. He was your first real boyfriend." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I keep expecting him to show up. He used to come by at night, and I'd sneak out to see him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I know." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You knew?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "His car is 30 years old and doesn't have a muffler. And he honked." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I loved that car." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I rode in it to the guitar store. I felt like I was flying. I know it hurts now, sweetheart, but... that's how you know it was a relationship worth having." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thanks, Dad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. I'll... I'll get that. Hello?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Manny's getting his outfit together for the dance tonight." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was just taking some supplies out to the car. Isn't this exciting... The boys' first dance?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Greatest day of my life. Does Phil have a green pocket square for him?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Teal!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Teal." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know. I don't think Phil's really a pocket-square kind of a guy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wow! Wow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't we conference in Mitch?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! Look. This might work." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, except that it's turquoise... Oh, and a bra?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you think the kids in my village had pocket squares?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Here we go with the village." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, are you still there?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Unfortunately, yes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Please ask Claire what time do I need to be at the school to help set up." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria wants to know..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I heard. I heard. Um, tell her thank you so much, but we have all the help we could possibly need, and she doesn't even have to come tonight. She doesn't want to." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Claire said... Gloria : I heard. Mitchell : Hello?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, hey, Mitch! Where are you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, we're at the park. You would not believe how some of these people dress their kids. Lily's friend just pulled a Britney Spears getting out of a sandbox car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, dad's on the line." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Do you have a teal pocket square for Manny?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, Manny needs a teal pocket square. Cameron : Oh, I've got teal, I've got aqua, I've got sea foam... Mitchell : Yeah, Cam's got one. Cam's got one." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yes!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, you know what? I lent it to Andre." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ah. He lent it to Andre." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Flag on the play." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What's that mean? What's that mean?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now I got to go to the mall." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Is this okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, hey! Luke has to go to the mall, too." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let's go, Incredible Hulk." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman", "value": "Hey. Hi." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Uh, is that your little girl over there... Lily?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Look at her." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Uh, well, this is a little bit awkward, but she bit Tyler." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my goodness. I... I don't even know what to say." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She's never done anything like that before. How did it happen?" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "I don't know. I didn't see." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's time to play everyone's favorite game." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"Let's blame the gay dads\"!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know who had straight parents? Adolf Hitler." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Charles Manson. Mitchell : Shall we go on? Cameron : Naomi Campbell." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman", "value": "I-I know it happened. He's got bite marks on his arm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Wow, yeah. Oh, gosh, someone really sunk their teeth into you, huh? It's 'cause you're such a yummy little guy! Yes! Our daughter didn't do that." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "But he said..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Right. He's probably just confused. You know who I bet did it, though? Billy. Rhymes with Lily. Plus, he is very aggressive." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "His babysitter's right over there. She's... she's not much of a disciplinarian. Ohh. Because I can assure you, if our child did something like this, we would be on her like white on rice. And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur because we're white and she presumably likes rice, but I didn't intend it that way." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah. Finally. There's a spot." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Guys, I am just bursting with pride right now. Your first dance. Soon you're gonna be men. I want you to know that there's more to being a man than just shopping for fancy outfits." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yep. Pretty soon, you get some hair on your chest, you start answering the phone, people don't think you're ladies. Come on, today, Miss Daisy." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven, not the one driving." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Never saw it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's called \"Driving Miss Daisy.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You got a real lip on you today. You know that? Hey! That was our spot! What are you doing? You're gonna let him snake your spot?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not worth it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Boys, here's the only thing you got to know about being a man... never let someone take what is yours." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Unless it's just a parking spot and there's plenty of others." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's sweet, Phil. You ought to write that down. You got any lipstick in your purse?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's \"Dunphy.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's what I said... \"Dumphy.\" Phil : No, not \"dumb.\" \"Dunphy.\" Jay : \"Dumphy.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Say \"done.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Done. Phil : Say \"fee.\" Jay : Fee." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Done-fee.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"Dumphy.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, just bring it this way? This way... There it is. Perfect. Thank you. Perfect." }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "Cla-a-aire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "Can you ask Gus to fix that light? I asked him, but he just growled at me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, gosh. Okay. Gus, stop scaring Bethenny and fix the light, please? Don't make me come over there." }, { "from": "Gus", "value": "I'm busy. You fix it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is this because I said I wouldn't come to the dance with you? Gus, I'm a married woman. People would talk." }, { "from": "Gus", "value": "One dance with me, you'd forget all about him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I already have a husband who doesn't fix lights. Please?" }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "Thank you so much. This school would literally fall apart without you. Well, I don't know about \"literally,\" but..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, hola! I'm here!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, you came anyway. That's great." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I think it's great, too." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Um, hey, everybody? Do you know Gloria, Manny's mom? She's here to help us out today." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm the co-chair." }, { "from": "Women", "value": "Oh. Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, the kids are gonna be here in two hours, so everybody back to work." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Everybody back to work." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I just said that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And I just co-said it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I mean, the nerve of that lady accusing Lily?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ugh! Mm. Well, you know what? You can't change people, Cam. I mean, we just have to rise above." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ow! Ow! Mitchell : What happened? Cameron : She bit me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you serious?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ohh! Ah! She did it again! It's like \"Twilight\" back here!" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "No! No ice cream for you, Billy, because the lady say you biting!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Okay. Go. Go. Yeah. Go, go, go. Okay. Drive." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Are you sure this is teal? 'Cause I'm starting to get a real strong green thing here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's the fluorescent lights." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Do you mind if I walk this over to lamps galore?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I need you to worry about this less." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Guess who fit into the suit on the mannequin and saved us 20%?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Here's something I didn't know about mannequins... They don't have a wiener." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What the heck is that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's a nicer word for \"penis.\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, I mean, what the heck is this?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's a tie." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's teal." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, grab a different one." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No! Now I like it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, I think we were here first." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I just have one thing. I'm in a big rush." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So are we." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's fine. Go ahead." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Seriously?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay, it's not a big deal." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "And can you give me the sale prices for some things I bought last week?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, for God's sake! Now, this is what I'm talking about, boys. You give people an inch, they'll run all over you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or you could just be nice..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Pay it forward." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They don't make movies out of bad ideas." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All I know is you got to fight for what you want. If there's one job available, this guy just got it, and they go hungry at the \"Dumphys'.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Dunphys'.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I don't get it. Why is she biting? Lily, why are you biting?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She's not biting. She's teething." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "On people! All right, if she starts biting her play dates, she's gonna be a pariah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Try \"piranha.\" Mitchell : Really, Cam? Cameron : It was right there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, you should also know that I in no way... in no way... blame you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, thank you. Why would you blame me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, good, because I don't blame you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, obviously." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, okay, well, now I'm starting to feel the blame." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No. Don't... It's... It's just that you're with her all day." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, wow. I have a daughter who bites and a partner who stings." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Okay, you want to know the truth? Sometimes you've sent her some mixed signals." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm gonna bite your feet! I'm gonna bite 'em right off! Cameron : Oh, I'm not the one who uses my teeth like a multi-tool. Mitchell : Here we go. Cookies for Lily...And wine for us. Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I can't believe you would equate..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, don't bite my head off. I'm not a pack of batteries." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Un poquito mã¡s acã¡. Es perfecto allã­. Ay, good. Bellissimo." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Whoa!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Eeh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why is this box here?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I am sorry... we did, because we were moving the tables." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, why are you moving the tables?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So the kids have more space to dance. It's better this way." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is it really, Gloria? Because right now it kind of just looks like a clump of tables and a big open space. Look, I'm sorry, but we've always done it this way, and I think it's gonna throw people off if you move them around." }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "Oh, my God, these tables look great! Who did this?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I did!" }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "I love it!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hello. We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Gloria." }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "I'm Bethenny. I don't know if anybody's ever told you this, but you're really pretty." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, Bethenny. No one's ever told her that." }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "I am seriously freaking out about these tables!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know what? Let's just put a pin in where we're gonna put the tables." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, we're keeping the tables! So what else can I do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um...You can... Help me with the chairs." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Smells funny, Claire!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So sorry. Keep goin'!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? We needed chairs. [In Spanish]" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "There are ants all over." }, { "from": "Gus", "value": "I'm going to clean them all up tomorrow." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, you need to clean them before the children get here." }, { "from": "Gus", "value": "Of course." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you guys talking about?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, nothing. He was just saying how much he loves the tables." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Man", "value": "If I had the receipt, I wouldn't need you to look it up." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "At this rate, I'm going to miss the first dance... at my wedding!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I thought he only had one item." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tell your dad, if it were up to me, we'd have been in and out of here in about 10 minutes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You mentioned that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And I'll probably mention it again, because, thanks to someone, we're gonna be here for a while." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I get it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, Luke, you should order that suit in a larger size, because by the time we get out of here..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I...get...it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Pay for the suit. Where the hell are you going?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke needs...Socks." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Make 'em teal!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're playing a very dangerous game." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, boys... Look who it is... the guy that stole our parking spot." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you going to hit him? I'd totally hit him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not gonna hit him, but I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. Now, boys, pay attention... You want to be men, this is how you handle a jerk like this. Hey, chief? You know, you stole our parking space today." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's right. I was waiting for the parking space, you sneaked right in there... That make you feel like a big man?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Did I? I didn't even notice." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's no excuse." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I'm really sorry. My dog died today. I had to put him to sleep. 14 years. He was all I had. Now I can't stand the thought of going back to my empty apartment, so I just keep wandering around the mall." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what? Forget about the... spot." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Oh, God! That was his name!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Do not hit him." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Man", "value": "Oasis for Men?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's funny. You made that sound like a question, then you didn't wait for me to answer." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here, let me show you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go... You go, \"Oasis for Men?\" You see what I mean? You went, \"Oasis for Men? You should have said, \"Oasis for Men?\" Then I'd go, \"yeah, give me two.\" But instead, you went, \"Oasis for Men.\"" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Okay. I get it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You see what I mean?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I-I get it. I get it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I'm not sure you do! You sprayed before \"men\"! You went, \"Oasis for Men.\"" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Okay. Okay. Phil : Men! Men! Men! Man : Stop it! Stop it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Men! Men! Men! Men!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Stop it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Men! Men! Men! Men!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Stop it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. I don't know what happened. I just... I... I don't know what happened." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, I might've come down on you a little bit hard today. I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I remember pretending to go look for some socks..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I mean, it's, uh, my fault. I pushed your buttons. My father- in-law was the same way with me. He was horrible." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Grandpa Lucas? He was a sweetheart." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, after the stroke mellowed him out good. Before? An animal." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We named Luke after him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Everything I did was wrong. If I said it was white, he'd say it was black. Although he never said anything was black 'cause he was a pretty big racist." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I wear his watch." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I hated him. Hated him. And I was thinking... I don't know... I don't want you to think the same way about me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You ever think about maybe not being a jerk to me so much?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now, see, you got to stop taking that stuff personally. I'm like that with everybody! I'm tough!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And...mean." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't like to take guff!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or people's feelings into consideration." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, okay. I can't swear my way's the right way. I see you smiling, skipping around, and I think sometimes... I don't know... maybe the boys would be better off if they were a little bit more like you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know, skipping burns more calories than running. That's..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We're done here. Oh, hey, listen. He didn't tell me, but what'd you do to that guy, huh? Did you get him?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I sprayed him with cologne." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry I asked." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, but, like, a lot of cologne. I just, like, got way up in there." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good boy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did you find anything yet?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, there's a whole section on biting on this mommy forum." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, good. What does it say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, \"my son was biting, \"so I got a stranger to yell at him. \"Being disciplined by someone else outside the family scared him into stopping.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Idiots!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What? I am not hiring some hobo to come over here and traumatize my child. She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, you know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know anything anymore. What else does it say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, this one says, \"when my daughter bit her brother, \"I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth.\" \"She cried and cried, but she never bit again.\" Smiley face." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, the smiley face makes it okay. \"I waterboarded our toddler... LOL!\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, all right, what do you suggest we do?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That we log off the Spanish inquisition website and handle this with love. Okay, Lily... *Take a bite of an apple, take a bite of a pear, take a bite of the cookie that you left over there. Here's one thing you should never do don't bite Taylor or Brandon or Sue because people aren't food people aren't food your friends will run away if they're scared of being chewed and as a side note, private parts are private.*" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well... problem solved." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know you're being sarcastic, but you don't know that it's not. Ow! Honey." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did she just bite you again?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That is it. I am getting the pepper!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "N... no, you are not." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, you're not doing her any favors by being soft." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, then, why don't you just skip the pepper, I'll get some pliers, and we'll pull her teeth now!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Relax! It's a seasoning." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Well, then, why don't you try some?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. Try a little." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop it. Stop it, Cam. Stop it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, try a little bit. Don't you hit me. Here. Put some in there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ow! You bit me! Mm!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well... Why don't you sing me a song about it?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, look at you two in your matching ties!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Don't get me started." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh, come here. Luke, sweetie, are you wearing cologne?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No. Dad attacked the perfume guy and then hugged me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Just look at the walls in here. Who wears that to a kids' dance?" }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "I know. She looks amazing." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Okay, I'm gonna slow things down with a blast from the past for our chaperones." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. No, I'm fine. I'm... I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I need a paper towel." }, { "from": "Gus", "value": "I'm sorry. I didn't see you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No... Of course you didn't. Of course you didn't. 'Cause it's Gloria's night. That's right. It's all about Gloria, Gloria, Gloria! When you're done getting married... maybe you can mop this up a little." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Gus", "value": "It's this damn uniform." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. I am fine. I do not need to talk." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, you've been pushing me away the whole week. You've been fighting all my ideas." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's because this is my thing, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why can't it be my thing, too, Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because everything is your thing! This... this is the one thing that was my thing. This is my only thing. Oh my God, this is my only thing. And then you come along and you steal my thunder with your tight dresses and your great ideas. I was the one that all the moms looked up to. I was the only one that Gus liked." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! Please. You like him so much, you can keep him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's not the same now that I know he likes you. That sounds really insane, but this isn't actually about Gus." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Really? Because you've been talking a lot about him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Gloria, Gus is a symbol." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "A sex symbol?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Stop it, Gloria. I'm already crying." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Claire... I didn't come here to steal your thunder. Your thunder is your thunder, and my thunder is my thunder." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. It's just that God gave you so much thunder." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, maybe too much. I hate how those women look at me. You think I don't know what they're thinking? \"Ah, here comes the hot one with the big boobies that is gonna steal my husband.\" And maybe they don't let their kids play with Manny. I volunteer because I want them to see that there's so much more to me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why didn't you tell me that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Maybe for the same reason you didn't tell me you had a wed thing for Gus... It's embarrassing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. I am sorry. I made this whole thing into some ridiculous competition, and...I'm pathetic." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what? This is a milestone. We're accepting that our little angel isn't perfect." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's right. And it's okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I-I take it back... She is perfect." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I am so sorry... No, just come over. We'll watch a movie, put the whole thing behind you. Okay, see you in a bit. That was Longines. He's in a very bad place." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. What happened?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, apparently some maniac went crazy at the mall and attacked him with Oasis for Men." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Well, I think we all knew that day was coming." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. Wish me luck." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Good luck." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, honey. Please don't hurt daddy. All right. \"Ahh.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey. Good night, honey. Mitchell! There's a stranger in our hot tub!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Who is it?!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You do know what \"stranger\" means, don't you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my G... Oh, my God! How long has he been there?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I saw him exactly one second before you. You know everything I know." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I'm... I'm calling 911." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm getting my bat." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Maybe we're overreacting." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, he could have a very good reason for be..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We should at least say hello." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's only polite." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barry", "value": "Okay. so I looked that coyote dead in the eye, and I let him know, without saying a word, \"I will not harm you... but I'm the Alpha here.\" And he just stared back at me... Mesmerized." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Whoa." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Amazing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Turns out, Barry just moved into the apartment upstairs and thought the hot tub was for the whole building. Anyway, he's a super-cool guy, and he's straight, so there's no weirdness." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Aside from you turning into a 16-year-old girl." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barry", "value": "Cameron, give me your arm." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Whatcha doin'?" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Oh, I'm studying to be a reiki master. What I'm doing is I'm transferring my positive energy into Cameron, and I'm taking out all the negative energy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Mm." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Now, do you feel that? I do." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Does it feel warm?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It does. It feels warm, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Imagine that. In a hot tub." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "What are you gonna do when he drives by?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm gonna tell him to slow down." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think you should drag him out of his car, and we all get turns punching him in the stomach until he barfs." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I think I'm just gonna turn over his license plate to the police." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Please. Order a pizza and call the cops. We'll see who gets here first." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ever since they put those speed bumps on Oakmont, some lunatic driver in a crazy sports car has been racing down our street, and it is dangerous. We've got kids here and babies in strollers and moms who like to jog." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She has to run every day, or she goes crazy. She's like a border collie." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're comparing me to a dog?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The smartest dogs in the world." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "What are you guys doing?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What the cops won't." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We are catching that speeder, and when we do, he's gonna get an earful of this. Slow down, jerk!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! Okay! Easy." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God. Mom, what are you doing? Why are you being such a freak?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am being a freak for safety. And I'm doing this for you, because I don't want anything bad to happen to you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, it's embarrassing. Mom, you need a life. Why can't you just volunteer at the museum or bring pudding to old people?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, if anybody's being embarrassing right now, it's you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, I am your father!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That takes me back to the delivery room." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God, dad! Oh, my God. I know those girls." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? Are you ashamed of us?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yes!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ooh. Sweet valley high! This is that woman from the house on seventh street!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, good!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, if I sell it by the end of next month, I dethrone Gil thorpe as salesman of the quarter." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ahh." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's awesome, dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It is awesome. Phil Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's the speeder! That's the speeder! Yeah. Slow down, jerk! Slow down!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. No. Yeah, that's great. Okay, fire away." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "2-u-r-n-8-0-1. Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, uh, just the address. Yep. Okay. 1-0..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "8-0-1. 2-u-r-n." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "1...North...Seventh..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "8-0-1." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "2..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I gave it to dad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "U-r..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "...Street. Oh, God. Okay. 10-4. This is gonna be my best year since 2006." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's go, kid. Back to the salt mine." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's okay, Jay. I'm biking to school today." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good for you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "There's a bunch of cool kids who ride their bikes every day. Thought I'd join them." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What the hell is that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "My new bike. Mom got it for me yesterday. Pretty sweet, huh?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Training wheels?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Nice ones. Custom made. They don't usually come on bikes this size." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You don't know how to ride a bike?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I know how to ride this bike." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Stephen Hawking could ride that bike." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay. What happened? Did he fall?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "How could he fall? You can't send him to school on a bike with training wheels. They'll make fun of him. Didn't you teach him how to ride a bike?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How could I? I don't know how to ride a bike." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "2/3 of my house can't do what a billion Chinese do." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "My mother thought that riding a bike was dangerous. She would say, \"that's how people grab you!\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, this is how it's going down. Today I'm driving you to school, on the weekend, I'm buying you a bike, and I'm teaching both of you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm nervous... but I'm excited." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You two have fun. I pass. It makes no sense. There's no reason that thing should stay upright." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Laura", "value": "Hey, Phil. Come on in." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Laura, good day. Well, I couldn't love this entry any more. It's very welcoming." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Yeah, I got a thing in 10 minutes, so I have to make this quick. Great." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um, let me run through my three-pronged approach to selling..." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "I only need one prong... Sell the house. I don't want to be that yutz who prices her house too high so it sits around for a year while every lookie-loo without something to do on Sundays is going through my underwear drawer. What's the number?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, there are quite a few factors to take into..." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Need a number." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, we list at 1.4. We take anything north of 1.25." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Done!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great! I got all the paperwork right here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Laura", "value": "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got to buy me a beer before you can put your hand up my sweater." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I had no intention..." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Put on the house this weekend, the listing's yours." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bring it, Laura." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, uh, Sunday 12:00 to 4:00 for the open house? That works for you?" }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Great." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. Oh, and if you have any questions or you need anything, just call. When you work with me, you're working with a friend." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "That is so sweet. I like you. God, I hope I don't have to fire you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hi. This is Claire. Leave a message. Hey, honey. It's me. I just finished the meeting, and she is the perfect client. Realistic about the price... She wants to sell fast, and she's a real character. You got to...Meet her. But she's moving soon, so what's the point?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow, you worked late." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Brutal day. I just want to sit." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Perfect. Lily's asleep. Barry's meeting us in the hot tub. If you're feeling stressed, he could give you a treatment." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ah, that's all right. I have an appointment with Dr. Bigfoot tomorrow." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Here comes the judge." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Reiki is a bunch of nonsense, Cam. That guy is a nut." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You do this every time. We meet a new friend, they say one thing you don't like, and you just write 'em off." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I do not!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, really? What about \"but yet Rachel\"?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"I'd love to go, but yet, I don't feel like parking.\" It's either \"but\" or \"yet,\" not both." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're lucky no one's kicked your butt yet. What about Thomas? You wrote him off because he serves the salad after the meal, which, by the way, is very common in Europe." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What part of Europe is he from?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Pretentious-Stan? Okay, fine. Keep judging. Don't let anyone in. I could care less." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I think you mean you couldn't care less, because if you could care less, that means that you care a little bit." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All right. I'm going to the hot tub. If I stay in here one more minute, my head is literally gonna explode." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I hope not, because if you mean \"literally\"..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't feel safe in my own home!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, honey, I need your help." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "With what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is the one thing a speeder can't outrun?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ooh. Bullets. A laser. Oh, I know... a falcon! Dad, jump in." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not a good time. Luke : A laser falcon! Phil : That's awesome." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"Slow down your neighbors!\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. \"Slow down\"... Talking to the speeder... Who's talking to the speeder? Your neighbors." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It doesn't say that." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, it just says \"slow down your neighbors!\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know what you were going for, but now all I can see is \"slow down your neighbors!\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, you're all wrong, 'cause this is incredibly clear. And it's really important. We need to put these signs up all over the neighborhood." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know. It seems kind of cowardly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why don't you just make an anonymous call to the police?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I called the police, and they were totally unhelpful." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Surprise. Surprise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, come on. Are you with me or not?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of course I'm with you. Who else would I be with? This guy? I have no connection to this guy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Good!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No! Fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barry", "value": "Oh, hey, Mitch." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey. It's Barry." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Uh, I just want to let you guys know you got a sprinkler head that's leaking out there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Thanks, Barry. I'll let the gardener know." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "All right. Or maybe I could just wave my hands over it and heal it that way. I'm joking." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Oh, God. That was a good one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barry", "value": "Look, don't worry about it. As soon as I started talking about reiki, I could tell you thought I might be a little nutty." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Was I that obvious?" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "You roll your eyes a lot." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, no, it's true. It's true, no. I-I once saw a picture of myself at a friend's poetry slam, and all you could see were the whites of my eyes. Yeah, I looked like little orphan Annie. The cartoon. Anyway, I'm sorry if I offended you." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "No. Don't apologize. Look, I... Only thing that offends me is a man who doesn't live in his own truth. And I appreciate how hard you're trying not to roll your eyes right now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "'Cause I'm about to pass out!" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "I see it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay! I'm ready!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh. What the hell's he wearing?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Protection pads. He needs more?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We're riding bikes. We're not training police dogs. All right, kid. Come on. Get on. On board. Attaboy. All right, we ready? Ride!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Be careful, papi." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ignore her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom! It's so easy!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Bravo, Manny!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I told you!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Be careful with the bump! Hey, wait a minute. Who's that guy? Jay, he's gonna grab him!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, no one's grabbing anyone. It's a neighbor." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "There are three things you want to do before you ride. Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Check your shoelaces, adjust your mirror, and test your bell." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Shoelaces tied... The mirror is good... ...The bell is ringing. Okay, now what?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ride." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no, no, no, Jay. Don't push me! I don't want to get hurt!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Trust me. I'm not gonna hurt you. You're a work of art. If you get scratched the value goes down I'm making a joke to lighten the mood." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's not working!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's just do this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Slowly. Jay, slowly." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Relax. You're not gonna fall. I got you. Put your feet on the pedals. Now look where you're going. Look where you're going!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, I'm falling. I'm falling." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look straight ahead. Go, go, go. Pedal!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you ringing the bell for?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! Why you let me go, Jay?! No, no!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Pedal! Look where you're going! Look where you're going!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm gonna kill you, Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay. Good day's work. What do you say we hit the jewelry store?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Laura", "value": "Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Laura!" }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Taking this...sign down! I recognized your license plate. This is ridiculous!" }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "I know. They're all over the neighborhood. What kind of lunatic does something like this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Who knows?" }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "It's probably some bored housewife who hates her husband and hates her life, so she takes it out on the rest of us!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or things are so good at home, she's out looking for problems." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Trust me. This woman needs to get laid." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't think that's the issue." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Here. Stick this up. Send her a message from me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Claire : Hey! Phil : Hey!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my gosh. What happened to my sign?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know! I put it up, I went away, I came back... It was in pieces!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is so crazy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Crazy!! Claire, this whole thing is crazy. Maybe we should back off a little bit." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know what, Phil? No. I am not gonna back off. Okay? I am doing this for the safety of our neighborhood." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, what's going on here?" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Hey, Cam. Just getting rid of some negative energy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, in that case, we'll be back Tuesday." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Barry", "value": "You're all set, Mitch." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Barry. Mm. Oh, man, that was... that was great." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Yeah? Oh. Namaste, man." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Namaste. Namaste." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "All right. I'm gonna get out of your hair. I'm gonna grab a quick tub and see if I can rustle up some food." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. Hey, don't rustle. We're making dinner tonight. You're coming." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, come down." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Thank you, Mitch. See? It's working already. Namaste." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what I'm looking for." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He's a very nice guy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's not it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry I made a snap judgment." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Still not it. Mitchell : You were right. Cameron : There she is." }, { "from": "Mrs. Ko", "value": "Hello, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Mrs. Ko. I'm Cameron. Mitchell's the other one. What are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Mrs. Ko", "value": "I just finished showing the apartment upstairs." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What do you mean? What about Barry?" }, { "from": "Mrs. Ko", "value": "Who's Barry?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The new tenant." }, { "from": "Mrs. Ko", "value": "Nobody living up there. It's empty." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The problem wasn't me. It was Jay. He's a very bad teacher. Very bossy. I don't respond to that. I need somebody gentle, nurturing, like a woman." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Gloria. What's up?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Can you teach me how to ride a bike?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You can't ride a bike? I love that about you. I was beginning to think you didn't have any flaws. Listen, I wish I could, but I'm late for an open house." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I could teach you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sure. I'm a great bike rider. I've taught a bunch of my friends." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Barry?" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Yep! Oh. Hey, Cameron." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What are you doing in there?" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "I'm just tidying up a little bit. What's up?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Are you living in our daughter's princess castle?!" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "What?! No, don't be ridiculous. I'm living in here, man. I'm sleeping in there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You said you had just moved in upstairs." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "No, I said I just moved in. I'm... I'm sorry. I thought it was implied..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "...that you're living in a dollhouse?" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Okay. Let's not do this outside. All right? You want to go inside and talk about this like two adults?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes. Let's do that." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Great." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No... No!" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "It's okay. I just cleaned up. Come on in. Cameron : Oh, my God! You are living in here! Barry : Shh, shh, shh, shh! Inside voices." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Barry..." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "...Are you homeless?" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Homeless? Are you insane? Look at this place.I mean..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. I can't even believe I'm having to say this, but you can't... you can't stay here." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Oh, boy. This is about the... the body work I did with Mitchell, isn't it? 'Cause I would understand if that was... bothering you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. You are living in a little girl's toy, and you have to move out." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Okay, well, this is gonna make dinner really awkward." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There's no dinner! Dinner is off! Okay? Now, come on. Let's go." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "No, no, no. Don't touch me. I don't like to be touched." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're a massage therapist." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "I'm a reiki master. Very little touching." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, Barry. Listen to me." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're a very nice man. Mitchell and I like you very much." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But I'm..." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "You're welcome." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm going to take your hand... Yes, I am. Don't give me the coyote look. I'm not a canine. We're gonna walk out of here together. Mm. Nobody's gonna hurt you." }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "Oh, this is not gonna end very well." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Give me your hand." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam?!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell! Call 911!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's happening?!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Barry's a nut! He's been living in Lily's castle!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What? Cameron : Ow! Barry : Hey, Mitchell!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! I thought he was living upstairs!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just call the police! Do you want me to stop and give you the whole story?!" }, { "from": "Barry", "value": "I never... I never said upstairs. Cameron : Mitchell! Call 911! Stop pinching! Mitchell : Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And just for the record, I was right! I still don't think you should judge people! I said get off me!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay, Gloria. What scares you about riding a bike?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Losing control and falling down." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Great. What else?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Somebody grabbing me? Luke : That's weird. What else? Gloria : Looking foolish." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay. See, all these bad thoughts are holding you back." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm. So how do we get rid of these bad thoughts?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We shoot 'em out! Gloria : No, don't you dare! Luke : Ride!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't you dare!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ride!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Luke, stop it! No!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I said ride! Gloria : No, no! Luke : Ride!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm gonna tell your mother!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What? That you're riding a bike?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, that you're... Yes! I'm riding the bike! Whoo-hoo!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Get off the bike! Get off the bike! Give it to me! Give it to me!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, don't grab me! No, no! No, don't grab me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go, go, go, go, go! Go! Laces, mirror... Bell. Slow down, jerk!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks so much for coming. It was great to meet you both. Have a good one! See you later." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "How's it going?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, great. Lots of people." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Listen, I was thinking about those signs. \"Slow down your neighbors!\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, actually, I think they meant \"slow down\"... talking to you..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Laura", "value": "Who's talking? Phil : \"Your neighbors.\" Laura : Anyway..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, um, you think maybe it's possible that you do drive a little too fast in a residential neighborhood with children present, maybe, or..." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Oh, Phil, I appreciate your concern, but I am not the problem. It's the crazy sign lady who can't put a sentence together... That's your problem." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil? Honey?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh. God. I had to get some water. I was chasing that crazy maniac. I got so close." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And you just gave up?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's not the Claire that I know. Get back out there!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah!" }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Phil, I left my phone at the drugstore. I'll be right back." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, bye." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey. Hi. I'm Claire Dunphy. I'm Phil's wife." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let's not talk her ear off." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's got to go." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "I'm Laura. Nice to meet you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, beautiful house." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Hmm. Thanks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, are you going by Greenleaf? Mm..." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Actually, yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I just overdid it on my bike, and I cannot get back on there." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "No problem. I'll give you a ride." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's a terrible idea." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Why?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's a terrible...idea, because your bike is here. What are you gonna do? Leave it? That's rude!" }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Oh, just pick it up whenever." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whenever?! What's \"whenever\"? That's so open-ended." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Oh, stop it. Come on, Claire. Let's fly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ahh. I love her energy. I'm coming!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, why do you want to move?" }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Ah, I want a high-rise with a doorman." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "Besides, this neighborhood is getting a little crazy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, tell me about it." }, { "from": "Laura", "value": "There's this one whack job..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know, don't say another word. I bet I know exactly who you're thinking of. Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, you do. We've been over this a hundred times." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Allow me, dad. I'm a great teacher. Who invented the alphabet?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I...Don't...Know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I got soaked! What are you doing?!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Say it! Say it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, that's enough!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God! I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! The Phoenicians! The Phoenicians!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's...right." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Teacher of the year." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's all yours, buddy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, honey, look, look. She's doing that thing with her jaw again." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Poor kid. She puts so much pressure on herself." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's an obsessive-compulsive thing. I have read like 100 articles about it. Where does she get it from?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, it's... it's a mystery." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. Alex... Honey, hi! Hi, hi, hi. Why don't you take a little break?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, the test is tomorrow morning. I'm not taking any breaks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Just a little... Oh, okay." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "She does that jaw thing every six seconds. It's like the hippopotamus at the miniature-golf place." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh, I've bounced so many balls off those big teeth." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's all about the timing!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So close!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Stop it, you..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, hey, Luke, go to your room." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Go on!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "She's got to eat. I did it out of love." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know. She's like a little junior junior Wells. Where did you buy it for her?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I thought you got it for her. Oh, no. Cam, she must have grabbed it from that store." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Honey... Listen. Stealing is wrong. Now, we have to go back and pay for it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, it's so far away. Cameron : No, I'm not going back there. Mitchell : Tracy?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Oh, my God. Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, this is... this is Cameron, my partner..." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And, uh, our daughter, Lily." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Wow!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam, this is... this is Tracy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. \"Tracy\" Tracy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, hi." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Tracy was my high-school girlfriend. Yes. Yes, it's true. I had girlfriends... quite a few, actually." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I, too, took my fair share of ladies to the hen house. Literally, I did take them to the hen house. That's the only place you could get some privacy on a farm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": ": Really? What were these... what were these girls' names?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": ": Oh, well, there was Nellie Forbush..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Betty Rizzo... Eliza..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Doolittle. These are characters from musicals. You're so gay, you can't even think of real girls' names." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Kim McAfee... that's a real one." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Bye bye birdie\"." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's new?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "I got married last year." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Th... that's great. How long are you in town for?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Just a couple of days. We're staying at my folks'." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I want to hear all about Mitchell from high school. Did he have a beard?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Uh, you're looking at her. Of course I didn't know it back then." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But we should... we should all... We should all hang out." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Yeah. Uh... no. Mitchell : W... well, take care. Tracy : Okay. Bye." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um... Thumpety thump-thump. Look at frosty go!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That was weird." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, don't worry about it. It's high school, honey." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, actually..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "At our 10-year reunion, we got a little drunk, started reminiscing, one thing led to another..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You went back?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I... I think I just wanted to see if I could. Turns out I could." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Where did this happen?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, in the nurse's office. I can still hear the crinkling of the paper. After that, I... I didn't return any of her phone calls, and I haven't seen her since." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You naughty little girl." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hello." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, guess who called. The Hoffmans." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's right. The ones from the hotel bar in Cabo. They're in town for the night. They want to go to dinner." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, hell. The boring guy and the loudmouth? Gloria : I know. I was so excited that they called. Jay : I don't want to see them." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know! So much fun!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're with them right now, aren't you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes! Ha ha. And they can't wait to see you, too!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, pencils down. You're taking a break." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, I... I can't afford to take a break. Sanjay Patel's not taking a break." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, obviously, Sanjay's parents don't care about him. Or \"her\". What is that... \"Sanjay\"?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Sanjay's the only one in class who might do better than me, and I cannot let that happen." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, listen to yourself. It's just not healthy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is my fault. You see me achieve excellence, and it puts a lot of pressure on you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What about me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry. Yeah. It puts a lot of pressure on both of you. Claire : Thanks, Phil. Okay, come on. Let's go have some fun! Alex : No!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let's go! Yes!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Doesn't this feel good, sweetheart?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's fun, right?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Honestly, I think you're overly worried about Lily. It's not like she's gonna grow up to be a thief. And besides, at the end of the day, who does she learn her behavior from? Us. We're her role models. Like mama always said, our children are just miniature versions of us. Come on." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Oh, come on, Jay. Give me one smile. I know you want to." }, { "from": "Voice recorder", "value": "Oh, come on, Jay. Give me one smile. I know you want to." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Isn't that fun, Jay?" }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "Oh, this has been so much fun!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, I'm surprised to hear you say that. You've been pretty quiet." }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "That's because I'm a listener. I love to listen. It's my hobby." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listening is your hobby? Sure." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "You guys have got to come out and visit us. Seriously. We're not taking no for an answer." }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "Yes. Yes, yes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, we would love to!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, let's slow down. You're nice people. We're nice people. But let's be honest... We've all tried to do that thing where we force a friendship that isn't really there. So why don't we just call it a day right now and say goodbye, shake hands, wish each other well?" }, { "from": "Mrs Hoffman", "value": "Oh, my God." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "This is so uncomfortable." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, no, but the beauty of it is we're never gonna see each other again, so there's no reason to be uncomfortable." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They're staying with us tonight. Their bags are in our house." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, then you were right. This is uncomfortable. This is uncomfortable." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you like it? The recipe called for a cup of water, but I used milk instead to make the sauce creamier." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I need to tell you something." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You hate it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cameron." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. You're right. I shouldn't try anything new ever." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop it. I'm trying to talk to you. Okay, today, when we were leaving the mall, I saw Tracy by the fountain..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Please, don't tell me you slept with her again. Did you? You didn't. Right? You're joking. Yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Um... I don't know how to say this, or... or if I'm even right. I'm probably not. But, um, she was with a redheaded boy, about 8 years old, which is the same number of years since we..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And she said she'd only been married a year, and it would explain why she was so awkward with me, and..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm-hmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. I know. It's crazy, but, Cam, I need to find out if he's mine." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, well, you don't just tell your partner you may have a baby with someone else and expect him to go back to eating a delicious and inventive meal like it's nothing! Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, Cam, but even if he is mine, it doesn't change anything between us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, I need to have my reaction. Mm! Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay! They order a cab. Are you happy now?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll be happy when I hear a trunk close. Manny :Hey, mom. You want a drink of water? Gloria : No, papi. Not right now." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You sure? You look thirsty." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's with you and the water today?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's a dribble cup. You can't drink from it without spilling. I think it's going to make me very popular." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, papi, why do you need these things to make you popular? First the walking stick, then the business cards." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are they gone yet?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why did you talk to them like that?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? I was just being honest. They're boring as hell!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Quiet! They can hear you!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, he probably already heard me. His hobby is listening." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, you don't treat people like that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? I should do what you do? Pretend to like someone you don't?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm doing it right now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Can I tell you something, Gloria? When you reach a certain age, you want to spend what precious little time you have left" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Tell me about it. I've got a clingy fifth grader I can't shake." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "See, even Manny knows. Manny :I got your back, Jay. Thirsty? Gloria : Manny, go to sleep." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Can we just please forget about this now?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And the worst thing is that you sold me out without warning and made me look like a fool. Husband and wife are supposed to help each other, not throw each other under the bus! I would never do that to you!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria... Gloria, wait! Could you get my book for me? I left it downstairs." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "There you are. Our cab is here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I am so sorry." }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "Not your fault. Well, goodbye." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, wait. You left this." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Oh, no, that's... for you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "In Cabo, you mentioned you were a fan of Gabriel García Márquez. So, we tracked him down and got him to sign a copy of \"One hundred years of solitude\" for you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's amazing." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Well..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no. Don't go. I really want you to spend the night here." }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "Jay clearly doesn't." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay doesn't know what he wants. I don't like to tell this to people, but, uh... Jay's mind is... going away." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Oh, my God. No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's so old, some nights it's like... he's not even here." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Oh... Gloria, honey. Ah." }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "That's it. We're not going anywhere. Come on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey. You never came to bed." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I fell asleep in the den." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, we need to talk about..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, wait. Listen. I was up all night, thinking about it. And here's the thing. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be living with someone and raising a beautiful baby girl, I would have said you were crazy. But here we are. And you and Lily are the best things that have ever happened to me. So if you're telling me there's another kid, how can that be anything but good?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam, that's... that means so..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, it's okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I need to have my reaction." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're gonna be okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So what do we do now?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know. I guess I'm gonna have to... I'm gonna have to call Tracy and tell her that we need to talk. Okay. Um..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Are you nervous?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm terrified. Yes. I mean, what's this kid gonna think of me? I've been absent for the first eight years of his life. I mean, how do you make up for time like that when..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, slow down. You're spinning out. It's probably just a false alarm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, you're right. This could be my \"going bald\" scare all over again." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. And we know how that turned out." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey. What would happen if the greatest scientists on earth got together to mate nature's two most violent predators?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are we talking about \"Croctopus\" in 3-D?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "At 2:10." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Book it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire and I share a true love of cheesy cinema. Um, our favorite categories include genetically engineered animals gone wrong..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Old and young people switching bodies. Phil : Mm. Uh, tough guys taking care of babies. Claire : Any sequel three and higher." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah. Usually get a new cast around five... That's where the magic really happens." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm! Hey, honey, how'd your test go?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Second highest in the class." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey. Well, that's great." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Sanjay Patel edged me out by 12 points." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, honey, who cares what she did?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's a he! Sanjay is a very common Indian boy's name. There are like millions of them." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetheart, it's still a great score. I hope you're not beating yourself up." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's our girl." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Sanjay's dad's a surgeon. His mom's a professor. I can't compete with that. I'll just have to do the best I can with what I was given." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good for you!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're proud of you, honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's such a good kid." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, she is. Did she just say she was gonna do the best with what she was given?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know. I was still thinking about all the Sanjays. I don't know any, but I know three Miltons." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She's saying we're stupid!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, she's... wrong." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is she? Honey, look at how long it just took us to figure out that she's insulting us. Are we holding our kids back?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. We're both bright people." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're college graduates. We read. I'd go so far as to say we're as intellectual and sophisticated as... Sweet! \"Croctopus\" tickets confirmed!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Oh, I just think that we should offer to take Manny. Maybe for a weekend. Something." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, guys." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Oh, hey, Manny." }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "Hey, Manny." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Got a golf lesson. My swing's a mess. Manny's coming with me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, you can't go downstairs now. You'll run into the Hoffmans." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Actually, I want to talk to them, because I've been thinking about what you said last night, and I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You're right. You never would have done that to me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I forgive you!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So I'll say goodbye." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Jay. Don't do that. First they think you like them. Then they think you don't like them. Don't confuse them." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I want to do this for you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, wait!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Jay, wait!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "So, hey, how... how are you handling things, you know, with Jay?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Honey, your mom told us that Jay's, you know, a little off his game." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A little? It's hard to watch." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "It must be so frustrating for him." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, he does swear a lot. You know, the worst is when he goes off into the woods. Oh, and when he drives... Oh, my God. Look out. I'm surprised he hasn't killed anybody yet!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey! I'm so glad you guys are still here. I just want to say... sorry for last night." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "It's okay. We understand." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, you see? Problem is solved. Now go. You're going to be late." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There's nothing wrong with you guys. You know, it's... it's me." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "Oh, we know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "We went through the same thing with Steph's father." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now I'm confused." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "I'm Steph." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh, here, Jay. I poured you a glass of orange juice. Jay : Thanks, kid. What the hell? What's wrong with me?! Manny :It's always funny." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, go change. I'll be there in one second." }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "Maybe we should get going." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, at least let me drive you to the airport." }, { "from": "Mrs. Hoffman", "value": "No, no. No, no, no." }, { "from": "Mr. Hoffman", "value": "Oh, no, no, no. We'll call a cab." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, do you want popcorn or anything?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I'm good...'N' plenty. So hold your water 'cause I've got some \"twix\" up my sleeve." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You may be cool, but I'm... wine cooler." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I love us. Thank you." }, { "from": "Mr. Patel", "value": "Well, hello, Dunphy!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey! Who is that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's the Patels, Sanjay's parents." }, { "from": "Mr. Patel", "value": "Hey. Hey, how are you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I heard Sanjay did so well on his test today." }, { "from": "Mrs. Patel", "value": "Oh, yes, we're very proud of him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. Indeed. Yeah. Yeah." }, { "from": "Mr. Patel", "value": "Are you here to see \"Deux Jour de la Vie\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, we're not here to see \"Croctopus\"!" }, { "from": "Mrs. Patel", "value": "Forgive Vish if you hear him groan. He gets annoyed if the subtitles are mistranslated." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, that makes \"deux\" of us." }, { "from": "Mr. Patel", "value": "I guess we'll... see you in there." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You bet." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See you in there!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, where are you going?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Croctopus\"." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey. Honey! I think we should go see this movie." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why do I have to watch a French movie? I didn't do anything wrong." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, maybe Alex has a point. How can we encourage our kids to have intellectual curiosity when we don't have any?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know. It's two hours of our life. Fine. For our kids. Sometimes I hate the kids." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm so confused." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not. I love this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You do not. Name one thing you've liked about this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I liked the scene with the old man on the beach." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That was a trailer for a different movie." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So he's not coming back?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, he's not coming back, and I'm not coming back, either!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Some of us are trying to enjoy this film." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweetheart... Hey. Hey, hey, hey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. I fell asleep. I missed it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, let's go home." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't believe I fell asleep and you left. Alex is right... we're idiots." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, stop it. Look... Our kid got the second-best grade in the class. Dumb parents don't make kids that smart. She got the best of both of us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kind of like if you combined the jaw strength of a crocodile and the ink-spraying capabilities of an octopus. You'd end up with something unstoppable." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But they did stop him in the end, didn't they?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Her\". And she laid eggs." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Croctopi." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Hey. Check out Einstein over there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, that's just sad. Hey, Vish. You just do this." }, { "from": "Mr. Patel", "value": "Thank you. So, did you enjoy the film?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not in the least." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I actually found it quite two-dimensional." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hmm. Well, lovely to see you." }, { "from": "Mr. Patel", "value": "Good to see you, too." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Mr. Patel", "value": "Bye." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bye. After you, doctor." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "After you, professor." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Mitchell, Cameron. Come on in. Mitchell : Hi. Um, so... W... we need to talk. Tracy : About what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you mind if we sit down?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Please." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, Tracy, I... I have something to say, and I'm afraid that if I just don't say it all at once, I'm never gonna say it. So..." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Ohh. This takes me back to prom night." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Again... sorry about that. Anyway, uh, I saw you yesterday across the mall after we spoke and couldn't help but notice that you weren't alone. Uh, you were with... I don't even know how to put this." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "His name... is Bobby." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Bobby." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Tracy... I... is he...?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Yes, Mitchell. He is." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God. Oh... Okay. Um... Why didn't you tell me?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Mitchell, you and I don't have a relationship anymore. I called you after our little... visit to the nurse's room. You never returned any of my calls." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I... I was freaked out, Tracy, and I..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, let's not rehash the past... but rather, focus on the future." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, yes. Yes, Cam and I, um, want to know if you're open... to us... getting to know Bobby." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "I don't think that's a very good idea." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I understand. No, it might be a little awkward at first, but I think after some time..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We brought him a present." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "For Bobby?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Please, we just... we really just want to meet him." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Fine. Okay. Bobby? Could you come out here?" }, { "from": "Bobby", "value": "Hey, honey. What's up?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Hi. I wanted to introduce you to Mitchell and Cameron. This is my husband." }, { "from": "Bobby", "value": "Hey. How ya doin'? Mitchell : Hey, what's up, dude? Bobby : How ya doin'?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Good. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Hi. Cameron. Bobby : Hi, there. Yeah. So, uh, how do you know Tracy? Mitchell : Um, uh, how... uh, we, um..." }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "Mitchell took me to the prom." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The prom." }, { "from": "Bobby", "value": "Oh, a redhead. You really have a type, don't you?" }, { "from": "Tracy", "value": "They got you a present?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh... it's not... Cameron : You don't need to... Mitchell : I wouldn't even..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You don't..." }, { "from": "Bobby", "value": "\"Li'l slugger\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm just gonna go and let you two catch up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So... 'Sup?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I never realized that you ever had sex with a girl." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yeah. Yeah. I kind of got around back then, actually." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "More than one?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Please." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, there was Tracy. Who else?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, Betty Rizzo." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't remember her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Eliza Doolittle? Nellie Forbush?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "These were classmates?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, s... s... some were older. S... some were younger. Uh, Liesel and Gretel Von Trapp. Sisters, obviously... too far?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not an idiot. You played that record night and day. Why would you tell me a thing like that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny's with his father for the weekend, so Jay and I are flying to Vegas." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm a little torn because I want alone time with Gloria, but I also like rubbing Manny's head for good luck." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I just need to send this e-mail to Claire why I'm not working on the bake sale next week, but I can't say the real reason." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why not?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Because she drives me crazy when she's in charge of these things." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay. We got a flight to catch, so let me help you out here. Okay. You tell me what you want to say to her, and I'll help you find a nice way to say it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I want to say... I can't work on the bake sale because you're a bossy control freak that looks down on my cupcakes even though your lemon squares were very dry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Done. Okay? How's this?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"Dear Claire, I can't work the bake sale because you're a bossy control freak who look down...\" Very funny, Jay. Ay... ay... why the whoosh? Where is... where is the e-mail? It sended! Ay. Make it come back." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't know how to make it come back." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Now she's gonna read it, and she's gonna think it's from me!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, technically, it was from you. But come on, let's hit the road." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It sended. Please come back. [OPENING CREDITS]" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We love our neighborhood, but sometimes the last thing you want to do after fighting traffic is get back in the car to go out to eat. And the only restaurant within walking distance is Shawarma City." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cook", "value": "Two shawarma combo. Meat or chicken?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, one meat. One chicken." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And can you make the chicken all white meat?" }, { "from": "Cook", "value": "Number 32. Pay cashier." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, that's not an answer." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Then a miracle happened. Uh, the hottest new restaurant in the city opened up two blocks away... Amelia's." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But there was a problem." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They can take us at 5:15..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What are we, 80?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Or 10:45." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What are we, 20?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Then... miracle number two. Turns out one of the mothers at Lily's pre-school is none other than Amelia herself." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So we arranged a play date with her son, Jackson, where we would, you know, charm Amelia." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. The most important play date ever, so I'm really gonna need you to sparkle, sweetie." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I'm gonna sparkle like it's the 4th of July." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was talking to Lily. Camerno : Hmm?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's our parents' anniversary, so we're surprising them with breakfast in bed." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "They're impossible to buy for... we think. We've never really tried." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay. Ready? One, two, three... Kids : Surpri... Ahh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Oh! No! No!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nothing's happening!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, our kids walked in on us. We were, as they say, \"having sex\"." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God. That's not a euphemism, Phil. It's exactly what we were doing... having sex. In front of our children." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, they weren't there when we started." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "In fact, you weren't even there when we sta..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's okay. Maybe they didn't see anything." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, t... they screamed, they dropped a tray of dishes, and then they ran out of here like they were on fire." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You were on fire, lady." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? You're still going?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, forgive me for thinking your zesty performance deserves some praise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, our children are downstairs right now, and they are probably traumatized." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, come on. I'm sure it's not that bad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can still see it!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't believe that just happened!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What were they doing?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Nothing!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Whatever it was, it looked like dad was winning." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It! They were doing it!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "He has no idea what you're taking about." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sex?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yes!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I know what sex is, Alex. It's when a man and a woman take off their underpants and then get into the bed." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Stop talking!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Aah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Try Claire again." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not getting a signal. Relax. We'll get her. Hey, shorty told me about this restaurant in Vegas that's got a three-story wine tower right in the middle of it. The guy who gets your wine flies around on a wire." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Like the \"Peter Pan\"." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. Not like the \"Peter Pan\". This is a high-end place." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, yeah, because all the finest restaurants in the world have people flying around on wires." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, you used to go bananas when a Japanese guy flipped a shrimp onto your plate. Now look at you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Try her again." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine. And just so you know, it's not like Peter Pan. I mean, nobody wears tights or anything." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, if they're not wearing anything, I don't want them flying over my food." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hello." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Phil, it's me. Can I talk to Claire? Phil : Yeah. One second, Jay. It's your dad. Claire : No. No, no. Can't. Unh-unh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She doesn't want to talk right now." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why not?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, she's a little too upset." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Phil, put her on." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He says he wants to..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": ": Hang up the phone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry, Jay. She says I have to go." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, she's my daughter and everything, but that guy seriously needs to grow a pair. Well, we tried. Vegas, here we come." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Turn around the car." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Only 'cause I want to." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is a... a beautiful home. I love the throwback to the '60s." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Although if this was the '60s, we'd be a couple of \"Confirmed bachelors,\" and Lily would be a yorkie." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "And I'd still be trapped in a loveless marriage." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Amelia." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, you are funny! Oh!" }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "I really like you guys. I mean, I... I haven't had a lot of time to meet the other parents. You know, single mom, hectic work schedule..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Now, what do you do, Amelia?" }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Oh, uh, I own a few restaurants. Oh. I just opened one nearby." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my gosh. Are you that Amelia?" }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Mm-Hmm. Oh, my gosh! We've heard wonderful things about the restaurant. It must be doing well. We can never seem to get a r... a reservation." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Can't get in. Can't." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Oh, well, that's no problem. The next time you call, just tell them... Oh. One second." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry. Tell them what?" }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Hello? Well, did you show it to him? And what did he say? Okay. Uh, hold on a second. I'm... I'm gonna switch phones. I'm sorry. It's the restaurant." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Excuse me just a minute." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. You said to tell them s... something. Did you hear that? When we know what to say, we're in." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh! This is very exciting. I've never had an in at a restaurant before. They'll probably greet us at the door by our names, show us to our favorite table..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "They'll let us play fast and loose with the menu, order lunch things for dinner, dinner things for lunch! It's fine. It's fine. It's fine." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cameron! Cameron : It's fine. Mitchell : Stop moving." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "You there? Put him on the phone." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's the baby monitor. Should we turn it off?" }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Who am I speaking to? Well... Mr. Campbell, you need to replace the extremely expensive countertop that one of your incompetent workers clearly ruined when he was supposed to be fixing the refrigerator." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, this is why she's so successful. She's tough but calm." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Because I'm not an idiot! As is evidenced by my law degree, which I will happily dust off and use to crush you in court if you don't fix it, replace it, or send me a check in the next 72 hours. You know what? Stay right there. Don't move." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Act like you weren't listening." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What does that look like?" }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "I'm so sorry. I have to run down to the restaurant for a minute. I really feel terrible asking, but do... would you guys mind...?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it's not a problem. We'll watch the kids." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes, you go take care of that fabulous restaurant of yours that we cannot wait to try. And when we do call, Amelia, you said to..." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Jackson, mommy will be right back. Okay. Thanks, you guys, so much. I owe you big time. Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did you hear that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She owes us big time." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, she also has that restaurant in Las Vegas where the sommeliers fly around on wires." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my gosh. Lily, thank you for being such a trouper with Mr. Personality over there. I'm gonna get you a treat. Oh, a juice box broke in here. It's all wet inside. Will you stop gasping? It's just a diaper..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. We need a game plan. We need to rehearse exactly what we're gonna say because that is the only way I'm gonna hold it together when my babies are looking at me with judgment and disgust." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "First of all, that's how they always look at us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Secondly, this isn't as traumatic as you think." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I walked in on my parents having sex once. It was... oh... awful. I can't even get the image out of my mind." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, we're not your parents. We're in much better shape." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. You want to know the worst thing? They didn't even talk about it. They just let it hang there. I'm not gonna do that to our kids. Phil, this... this is a defining moment for us as parents. How we handle this could shape how they feel about sex and intimacy for the rest of their lives!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire. Honey. Honey, this is only a big deal if we make it a big deal. We set the tone here. So let's just play it cool. Act like it was a big, funny mix-up. Crack a few jokes. Lighten the mood." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Jokes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What kind of jokes?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, this is... I'm just spitballin' here, but... what if I was all, \"knock, knock\"... and they were like, \"who's there?\" And I was all, \"someone who doesn't want to see their parents doing it. That's why we knocked\". Again, this is... this is very rough." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why are they still up there? Luke : Yeah. How long does sex take? Alex : Oh, my God. Stop talking." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Did you guys notice that dad had the same look on his face as when he smells a new car?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I need to leave. I need to go to camp." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "This is gonna be so weird when they come down. Let's just go. Okay? Come on." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wait. But I'm hungry." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We'll get breakfast. Let's just go. Come on! Let's go. Come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Anywhere." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where is your mother? I need to talk to her." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't think it's a good time right now. She won't come out of her room." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She's really upset, isn't she?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Big time." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "How'd you know?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We called." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Tell me exactly what she said." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't know. There was just a lot of screaming. Jay : Where was your father when all this was going on? Luke : Oh, he was right behind her." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ugh! Ugh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! It's not coming out! It's not coming out!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Blot! Don't rub! Blot!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We are beyond blotting and rubbing. I think we've moved on to sweating and crying." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, okay. Let's not panic. We'll just... we'll tell Amelia what happened, and then we'll pay to have it cleaned." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What if it can't be cleaned, Mitchell?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, okay. Then we'll pay for a new rug." }, { "from": "camerno", "value": "Are you insane? This is a limited-edition alpaca hand- made stark rug! I saw it in Architectural Digest. It cost $50,000. It was in Diane Keaton's house. Oh, no, it was in, oh, what's-her-" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Anjelica Huston! cameorn : Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh! Oh, my God. $50,000 for a rug?! Cam, we don't have that kind of money." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe she won't make us pay. I mean, we wouldn't make someone pay if this happened to us." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did you not hear her on the phone? \"Fix it. Replace it. Write me a check\". She probably has that embroidered on a pillow, right next to a jar of human tears." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe we can turn this around." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How? It looks like someone bled out over here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. I mean the rug. Maybe we can turn the whole rug around, put it under the couch. See? No one would ever know it's there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you know, we would know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What are you thinking?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You don't want to know." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, tell me, 'cause I'm... I think I'm thinking the same thing." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I seriously doubt that, because now I'm thinking it was Joan Collins' house." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gloria, what are you... what are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait, where are the kids?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They just left. They told me that you were very upset." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And you have every right to be." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It was bad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know that. Claire, it was an accident." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That doesn't make it any better." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, you're right. I know how you feel." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It happened to me before, with another woman. And that time, I was the one getting it. And it hurt." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm sorry it had to come out like this, but you have to admit that you're only happy when you're the one cracking the whip." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No... unh-unh. No. No. I... I am so confused right now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I may pass out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The kids just walked in on me and Phil i... in bed. And we've just spent the last hour holed up in our room trying to figure out what to say to them." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Can I use your computer? I just need to check one e-mail." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, the kitchen." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, I just switched us to the next flight. Now, did you guys get everything straightened out?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Claire is very upset because the kids just walk in on them having sex." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Aw, geez." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, then we're all up to speed." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She's so upset that she hasn't even had time to apply her make-up or use her computer." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "W... what are you even doing here, dad?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't think you should be the one doing the questioning here, missy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't get mad at her. Your wife's the one who just offered up her cupcakes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Good thing we had mom's gas card." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Don't make me regret buying you that lighter, dude. Put it down." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, I'm just gonna say it. Our parents are totally irresponsible. And I'm not just talking about us walking in on their... little freak show earlier." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just let it go." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No. We're lucky to be alive. How often do they let Luke go... go to school in shorts in the winter? And they let me ride in the front seat before I was 60 pounds. And they never shut the gate at the top of the stairs when we were babies. Do you know how many times you fell on your head? Do you?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We get it... it was bad. But, you know, I... I guess... It's better than having parents who fight all the time. Maybe." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "My friend Jacob's parents are getting divorced. He has to move out of his house. They told him last week." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That sucks." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He'll get used to it. Half of my friends' parents are divorced." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mine too." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's insane." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "So it's a good thing mom and dad still do sex." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Better than mom leaving the stove on, which she's done twice this month." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I just realized we haven't even gotten to the worst part of it yet." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Which is?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "They're gonna want to talk about it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, maybe not." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Are you kidding? Their parents never talked about anything, so they want to talk about everything." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, they called a family meeting when we switched to 1% milk." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know where those kids are." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What is more important than putting a working lock on a bedroom door?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You are one to talk." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What is that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't remember when I walked in on you and mom that time?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, can we please go now?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-Hmm. Mm-Hmm. So why don't you just get off your high horse, dad. At least I am trying to handle this better than the two of you did." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What did we do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You made gimlets and went back to your room." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What were we supposed to do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You... you... you could have talked to me. You could have made sure that I was okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Want to talk about it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine. Your mother and I were watching a particularly racy episode of \"Hart to Hart\". Stefanie powers had to go undercover as a call girl." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mnh-mnh. Dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hang on. This whole story makes more sense if you know I got a thing for thigh-high boots." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, gross! Gross. You are ruining sex for me. And boots." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Working okay for you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, yes. I was sending an e-mail to my brother in Colombia." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Um, I was telling him about Claire. You know, I realize there's so much I don't know about her. Like, for example, what is her favorite word? Or what was her first pet's name?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gloria, I'm not an idiot. Are you trying to get Claire's password?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, fine. I sent her something by mistake. I need to get into Claire's e-mail to erase it before she sees it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Before I see what?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, Gloria. Before I see what?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's so embarrassing. You see, Jay and I..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's a naked picture of Gloria." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whoa." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes. Naked." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I was gonna send it to Jay. You see everything. The whole body." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I need to sit." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Wow, dad. So, you just got done giving me a lecture on the importance of locking my bedroom door while in my house to retrieve naked pictures that your wife accidentally sent me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The irony is just occurring to me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Mm." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What I'm doing... is deleting it. Jay : Good for you. Let's go to Vegas! Gloria : Ciao!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do us a favor... no pictures. Oh, Gloria, listen. We do need to talk about the bake sale at some point. I have some concerns." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course you do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Bye-bye!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do we do now?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I'm really afraid of reading this situation the wrong way, but I'm 80% sure you're coming on to me. Okay, now... 40%." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was the perfect plan. Turn the rug, and she wouldn't find the stain for years." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But we couldn't do it. We're too honest." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There are certain moments in life that define you, and this is one of those moments." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Oh, guys, I'm so sorry that took so long. Oh, my God. What happened here?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Jackson did it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He grabbed Lily's strawberry juice and started drinking it." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Before we could stop him, it was all over everything." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Oh, my God. Oh, my God!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We are horrible people." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm only following your lead." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, so close that you stepped on the back of my shoe." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Come here. Jackson's allergic to strawberries." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "His throat will close up, and he can go into anaphylactic shock. I need to inject him right now!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Are you sure?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He seems all right to me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, maybe just get him some fresh air." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Stop talking! He really hates this. And so I'm gonna need you to help me pin down his arms and his legs, okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what?" }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "Jackson, honey, mommy's so sorry to have to do this," }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Amelia..." }, { "from": "Amelia", "value": "But it's only gonna hurt for a second. His arms!!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Amerlia", "value": "Okay. Hurry. Here we go. One, two..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wait! Jackson didn't drink the juice! I stepped on Lily's bag and a juice box fell and we panicked because we heard you on the phone and we can't afford Joan Collins' rug!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We are so, so sorry. We could not feel any worse. Jackson : Oh, no. That's bad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cook", "value": "Number 19! Mitchell : Yeah. Yeah. Cook : Number 19!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, uh, can we have some napkins, please?" }, { "from": "Cook", "value": "All out of napkins. Paper towels in bathroom, Mitchell." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "And, uh... I'm just gonna say it... I'm really sorry about what happened." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, we're... we're not sorry about what happened. We're sorry that you saw what happened." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, okay. They... they get that. Let's see. Uh, no one wants to see their parents... Shhh..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Your sensuality..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "...not dressed. Oh. Phil : Basically, it's two adults. Claire : Adults." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's like you're shaking hands." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-Hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But you're not using your hands at all." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can't handle a big family talk about this." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We're not gonna have a choice. So when they start talking, just smile and nod and think about something else." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, it's easy. Just like at school." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, I... I guess what I'm saying here is that as you get older and... explore your sexuality, you will discover that as long as you are in a committed relationship with consenting adults, there's really nothing to be embarrassed about." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And let's face it... your mom can't keep her hands off me whenever the gun show comes to town." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Good one, dad." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Humor makes difficult situations easier!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. Really?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_40", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Totally. You talked to us on our level but without being condescending!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We did." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right. I guess we did." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ha! Yay, us. I think we really handled that well." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Me too. You were excellent." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You were pretty good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohhh. Wow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ugh, this is such a weird day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "By the way... happy anniversary." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It always is. Mmm." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey mom, can I get... oh, my God! Enough!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_41", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, what's this?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Your anniversary present." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aww." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's very sweet." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My goodness." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is it? A door lock. How embarrassing. Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We'll use it all the time." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_42", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "We thought the lock was a really good idea." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "But the problem is... it makes a noise." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "A loud noise." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ugh!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's hard for me to look at dad afterwards." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, honey, Ibiza can only take us at 6:30 tonight." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. I will meet you at Ibiza." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": ": It's pronounced \"Ibeetha,\" not \"Ibeeza.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, thanks, honey. That reminds me... this weekend, I want to see that baby panda at the \"thoo. \"" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah... I'm the idiot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "This year for Valentine's Day, we're gonna have a nice, quiet dinner at Ibiza. Last year, we, um... We overreached... A little." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We created sexy alter egos... Clive and Juliana... met in the hotel bar. This one lost her panties in the lobby in front of her dad... Which was hil... it was hard. It was hard for her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know I can't stand it when you use that word." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Panties\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah... that. Yes. That word." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry. She lost her underpanties." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So? Mitchell : So? Cameron : Well? So?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's happening?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Flowers?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Is someone pointing a gun at you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, for goodness' sake. Did you get the flowers Lily and I sent you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, that's so sweet. No. No, I didn't get anything." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really? Did you check with that assistant of yours?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Broderick! Uh, did you get any flowers today?" }, { "from": "Broderick", "value": "No. Sadly, I'm without Valentine this year. Cameron : No, for Mitchell! The flowers are for Mitchell! Broderick : Oh, that's right. Oops." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell's assistant has a huge crush on him." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He does not." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And I think the only prudent thing to do is say, \"you're fired. \"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't be jealous. He just looks up to me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The thing about Mitchell is he can be naive. He is completely unaware of how absolutely adorable he is." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Okay, well, thank you. But I am aware when someone has a crush on me, and he does not have a crush on me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was a little concerned when they said they could only take us at 6:30, but..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know. This house is on fire, right? Now, this is how you do V-Day." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Except most of these people could have been here on V-e Day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But it's classy, which we deserve." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, we do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What were we thinking last year, acting like a couple of teenagers?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. Oh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, we've had our crazy Valentine's Days. We tore it up! But you got to know when to let that stuff go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "All those kids out there are just looking for something that we've already got." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I love you. Claire : I love you, too. Phil : Oh, my gosh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow!" }, { "from": "Old Man", "value": "Are you okay? Phil : I'm good. We're good. Claire : Are you all right?" }, { "from": "Old Man", "value": "This is my first day in one of these things." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, hey, let me... let me help you out. How about I park it over there for you, okay?" }, { "from": "Old Man", "value": "Oh, thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here's your valet ticket. I'm kidding, actually. That's my valet ticket. All right. Let's see. Lefty loosey, righty tighty. Hey! All right. This is fun, Claire. You got to try this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello? Hello, may I speak to Clive?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong number. Bye-bye." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I got disconnected. Would you mind redialing? Hello? Hello, Clive. This is Juliana." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look lady, please stop calling me. This is..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. Phil. Phil. Phil. Don't hang up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no, no. Not Claire. Juliana. And you're Clive Bixby, remember? We met at the hotel bar last year. Now... Make up some lie, ditch that wife of yours, and meet me at our hotel in 30 minutes. You think you can you manage that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. See ya. So... Champagne?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um, actually, Claire, something's come up. So... Gotta go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're not ditching me here on Valentine's Day. Screw that. Sit." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But... O... okay. We'll... we'll stay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, that's part of it? So hot! Claire. I'm leaving. Deal with it. So, no one walks anymore!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Should be just few more minutes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "When is our reservation?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Here's the thing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no, not \"the thing. \" I hate \"the thing. \"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My secretary screwed up and didn't get us one. Don't worry. I'll slip the guy a few bucks." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "This is 50 bucks. Do not give us a table." }, { "from": "Valet", "value": "What's the money for?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Just a reminder. I need the television at 8:00. Jeremy and I have a phone date to watch \"Love Actually. \"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That's the lamest plan ever, and I'm jealous." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I've hit a new low." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You can talk to me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "And I'm lower." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just picking up some things. I am not here. Name tags, name tags, name tags. Come on! Bingo!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I know what to do. Dylan's been texting me again. I Bet if David knew that, he'd come running right over here." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wait. Before you start playing these games, let me ask you one simple question... Who is Haley Dunphy? Don't do it, Haley!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Stop following me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Let me just say my piece. Look, you can be the Haley who defines herself as David's girlfriend, or Dylan's girlfriend, or you can be your own Haley. Maybe you haven't met her, but I know her. She's an amazing person. So when you're ready, I'd like to introduce you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Broderick", "value": "Cameron! Is there something I can do you for?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. I just came by to pick up my man. I'm taking him to Ibiza tonight." }, { "from": "Broderick", "value": "Ooh, I've heard good things about Ibiza. But I'm afraid he may have to meet you there. He's in the middle of a meeting." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "On Valentine's night?" }, { "from": "Broderick", "value": "I didn't realize when I scheduled it. It's my fault." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Gasp. I'm shocked." }, { "from": "Broderick", "value": "I could drop him off at the restaurant as soon as they wrap it up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, aren't you a dear? I'd like to mount your head in my trophy room." }, { "from": "Broderick", "value": "Cam! Wait. Have I upset you in any way?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, please. Let's not play this game. We both know what's going on." }, { "from": "Broderick", "value": "Have I been that obvious?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, the flowers that don't get delivered, the Valentine's Day plans that get interrupted... Do I really need to spell it out for you? Me, Mitchell, wedge." }, { "from": "Broderick", "value": "Don't hate me. It's just... So hard to see someone else have something you want and can't have." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Broderick", "value": "This is you. Oh, did I validate you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Appletini?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It was. You're looking handsome as ever, Clive." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "As are you, Juliana. You are hot enough to cook a pizza on... in." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I see the speaker business is treating you well." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't like to talk about money... but I have exactly $10 million... minus the cost of your next drink. Two. Just two appletinis, please. Thank you so much. Yeah..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why do I get the feeling you're not really a salesman?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh... Pretty and smart. Or should I say \"pretty smart\"? I might do some high-risk work for Uncle Sam that takes me clear around the country." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, so you could say you're a... national man of mystery." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Never did catch what you do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Didn't you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Surprising, I know. I'm usually pretty goo at catching things from women in bars." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well... Clive, I am just a bored housewife with a dark side and an hour to kill." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Is that what I think it is?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's not a gift card. Or maybe it is. I'll be upstairs, Clive. Don't take too long." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I never do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, relax." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry. The place is a dump." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's beautiful." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing good on the menu. You see the hands on our waiter? Looks like he's been birthing hogs. Let's just get out of here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know what's wrong with you tonight, but I'm hungry, I look fantastic, we're staying." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello, Clive. How close are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am right outside your door." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Are you ready?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I'm ready." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't think you are, because I can still hear your pants." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, maybe I should just shut them up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'll be out in a minute." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "So... Will... I. Juliana? Claire : Clive, where are you? Phil : You have to come find me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello? Clive, I give up. Where are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm right here on the bed. Claire : Phil, what room are you in? Phil : Who's this \"Phil\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Seriously, what room are you in?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm in... 702." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm in 226." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?! Well, w-whose room is this, then? There's been a tiny mistake." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "By the way, I need to apologize to you, I'm sorry I got so silly with all that Broderick stuff earlier." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, please, do not worry about it. Cam, I like it when you get a little jealous. Cut it out. As long as we can agree... he does not have a crush on me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Absolutely. So, to us." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "To us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He does not have a crush on you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Nope." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why do I feel like you're hinting at something?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, we have talked long enough about Broderick's crush, which he does not have... on you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God, what?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, fine. Since you won't let it go... your assistant is hot for me. That's why he's been playing the saboteur." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And you're sure it's not because he wants me?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You just said he didn't." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I was protecting your feelings." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He hugged me in the elevator." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, pick out China and move to Vermont." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He said it kills him to see someone else have something he wants." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Yes. You're the someone and I'm the something." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. All right. Call him." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Call him?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Call him." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why don't we just go over to his house and stand on opposite sides of the room and see which one of us he runs to?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You get the check. I'll get the car." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We are not going over there. And we're not calling him. Cam, who cares which one of us he has a crush on? The important thing is, I have a crush on you. And I wouldn't blame Broderick if he did, too." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's so sweet. I... I wouldn't blame him if he had a crush on you, either." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Good. Cameron : \"Good\" what? Mitchell : Just, good." }, { "from": "Cameorn", "value": "\"Good\" meaning we're done with this, or \"good\" meaning you still think he has a crush on you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam! The second one. cameron : I'm getting the car." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Would you please just come in the house?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You had a whole year to plan, but you don't make an effort. I am the second wife, Jay. Why do you treat me like I'm the first?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look about it inside. Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm gonna take a ride. I need to cool down." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just come in the house. I promise you'll feel better." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't want to go in there. Jay : You're gonna like it better inside. Gloria : Don't hold me back." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry about this, honey. I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, what are you doing? Are you crazy?! What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, but you're about to. Happy Valentine's Day! What the hell? Gloria! Honey." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm going for a drive." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I had a whole private dinner planned. I don't know what happened." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But I do. I know exactly what happened!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, you don't. What the hell?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I win! I see you sneaking around, trying to trick me, so when I figure it out, I move the party over here, and I trick you. I win!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you mean, you win?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know you think I think you're not romantic, but I think you think I'm not smarter than you. So now we know. You are romantic, and I'm smarter than you. And I bought you a motorcycle." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, my God. It's fantastic." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I win again!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, I love all this, but you can't win Valentine's Day. I mean, you defeat the whole idea if you make it into some silly competition." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shut up. I win." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let's go." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So we're really doing this?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, we're doing this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, it's gonna be me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm already embarrassed for you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. Oh, wait." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it's a text from Broderick." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Read it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Mitchell, by now I'm sure Cameron has told you what happened in the elevator. While I meant every word I said, I realize how unprofessional I was. Please accept my resignation. What you have with Cam is very special, and I would never forgive myself if I came between you. Treasure each other. Sincerely, Broderick.\" Oh, Cam, what are we doing here?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know. Maybe if some assistant's crush is so important to us, it means we should appreciate each other a little bit more." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I can't think of a better time to start. Come here. Oh... And the great thing about that text is we don't have to know which one of us he wanted." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. Cameron : I know. Cameron : I know." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Valentine's Day isn't over yet, Juliana." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, let's not push it. You almost got arrested tonight." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's how it's gonna be? You're just giving upon?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am not giving up on us. I am giving up on Clive and Juliana." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I know a couple people who could possibly save this night. Maybe you've heard of them... \"Two American kids, doing the best that they can... Phil and Claire Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am not going back to that hotel tonight, and I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't need to. Phil and Claire have a bedroom, which they can turn into a hotel whenever they want." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But the kids..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They're not expecting us home this early. So, you up for a little adventure... Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you think you can handle it... Phil?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"I can't be the girl you want me to be, David. I can only be me. Goodbye. Haley.\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Send it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't know." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Here, I'll help you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, no, no, no, no! Wow. That feels really good." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Because you're free." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And really scary. I haven't been single since I was 9." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's why you need to take your time now... Really get to know yourself before you make any decisions... Five, six years maybe." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Years?! I have to call David." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "The boy who tossed you aside on Valentine's Day? No. You deserve better, Haley - a dreamer, a poet. Wait for him. He may be closer than you think." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do you hear music?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yes, and the fact that you hear it, too..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Is that Dylan?! Oh my God!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You are. You're really bad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "You know, the old Haley would have..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I love you, baby!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Haley!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, No, keep the change." }, { "from": "Ryan", "value": "Oh, thanks." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did you put an extra tiramisu in here?" }, { "from": "Ryan", "value": "Maybe. Cameron: Ryan, again?" }, { "from": "Ryan", "value": "I just like coming here. I tell you, if you were single..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ryan!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ryan!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's so unfair. You told me I could go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I told you you could go if you got to be on your History exam, which you didn't." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I have a learning disability. The letters jump around on the page and appear backwards." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, we had you tested like six times. Trust me, I was praying for dyslexia." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God, why can't you ever let me have any fun?! Ew. Ew. Dad, gross. Your hand smells like cheese!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I didn't want to dirty a knife. Sit. Now, we all know when Nana Dede comes to visit, your mom can get a little..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Psycho?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Scary." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Drunk?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All true. Therefore, I need you guys to be on your best behavior." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Don't worry. I'll keep to myself. I have to practice for my cello recital." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh, fine. You know what? If it keeps you out of your mom's hair, yes, do that. Luke, if your mom starts to lose it, I need you to lighten the mood by being extra cute." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No problem. I've got some stuff prepared. \"Hey, mom, I'm 'firsty.'\" Heh? Adorable, right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, that's... that's good." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Don't worry. It works better in my jammies." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, Monica can\"t come to Lily's birthday party tomorrow, her mom's gonna be in Chicago." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's fantastic! What part is she playing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The city of Chicago." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Okay. Gun to your head... Which pair should I wear?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Gun to my head. I'd say, pull the trigger." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What's that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No Fizbo. Camerno : Okay, w-why?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "C-Cam, the center of attention at Lily's party should be Lily, not Fizbo the needy clown." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry. Excuse me. \"Needy\"?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Why aren't they laughing, Mitchell? Why aren't they clapping when I'm pulling the handkerchief out of my mouth?\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's 10 feet long with boxer shorts at the end. It works on so many levels." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Well, also, it's a princess theme party, so... I guess you just don't respect party themes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You did not just say that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry. That was... That was crossing a line. Cameron : Yes, it was. So? Can Fizbo come to the party? Mitchell : No! No! You are Lily's dad. Just be there as her dad. Cameron : Are you implying I'm not being a good dad now? Mitchell : Well, if the shoe fits..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "They don't.They're comically large." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, mom. Dad and Nana just pulled in." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aah! Oh, wow." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Claire bear!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, my sweet girl! Gosh, I forget that you're all grown up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "You know, in my mind, you're still 12. Well, look at us... just two old ladies. Ohh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're home!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, good." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And we bought Lily a beautiful birthday gift." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah. I was pushing for a cashmere throw." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look, Jay. It's a talking storybook. We record ourselves reading it, and then at night, Lily can hear our voices before she goes to sleep." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Terrible idea." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Unlike the timelessness of cashmere." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Enough with the cashmere! Why is it a terrible idea?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't you remember the answering-machine message?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hi, you've reached Jay..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And Gloria. Please leave a message after the..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You didn't say \"beep.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If I say \"beep,\" then the people will think it's the beep. Jay : No, I think they're gonna know to wait for the actual beep. Gloria : I don't think they'll know." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just trust me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hi, you've reached Jay..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And Gloria. Please leave a message after the beeeeeep!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You told me to make the beep." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, I didn't tell you to make the beep. I told you to say the word \"beep.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If I say the word, then people think it's the beep." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not the beep!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Then why even say it?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dede", "value": "So, anyways, you'll never guess who I saw at the airport." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Who's that?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Robbie Sullivan." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Robbie... my Robbie Sullivan from high school? God, I haven't seen him in...years." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Decades, really. I always liked him. And as I recall, the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, really, mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's...not true." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "It is true. I read it in your diary." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You read my diary!" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Well...Yeah. I-I read it because I wanted to see if you were on drugs. It's called parenting, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. So, mom..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, buddy. We're gonna need you on the front lines sooner than expected. Are you ready to be cute?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Please." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Go get 'em." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hi, mommy. My tummy's growling. Can I have some pas- ghetti?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, you're hurting me. And take a shower tonight, your hair smells like cheese. I'll get it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay, I need a giant lollipop, and I need it now." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Oh, there's my girl!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Mwah! Claire : Robbie?! Robbie : Look at you!" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Surprise! I invited him to dinner!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Didn't I tell you she'd be excited?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Huh? I... Uh-huh. I don't know what to say." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Well, maybe a fuzzy navel wine cooler will loosen you up. Sure used to." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, honey, who's this?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is, um... Robbie... My boyfriend from when I was 17 years old, whom my mom invited to dinner." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fasten your seatbelts. Phil Dunphy. Robbie :Hey, Phil. How do you know Claire? Phil : I know Claire from being married to Claire." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Whoa, whoa, whoa. U-um... Wait a minute. Uh..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mom didn't mention that I'm married with three kids?" }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "No. All she said was that you were still trying to figure out your life." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? Robbie: Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Mom?" }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Dede?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Aren't we all?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, no. Not really. Why would you not mention that I'm married?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, God, Claire. Not everything in a conversation is about you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mom..." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "...I could use some help in the kitchen." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Your words, not mine." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Whoa. You came here in a limo? Robbie : Yep. That's right, little dude. Luke : Are you rich?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, that's not polite. Maybe Robbie isn't rich, but he needs a limo because he has a lot of DUIs." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Nope. It's nothing like that. The truth is, Luke, I am rich, but not with money. I've got my abs, I've got my hair, and I've got a super-sweet job driving that limo outside." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Cool." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "It is cool. Hey, Luke, who's taller? Me or your dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh... I don't think we need to... I am just wearing socks, buddy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I just don't understand why you invited him to my house." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Because he's an old friend. What was I gonna do... not invite him?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Yes." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Sweetheart, I don't know about you, but that is not the way I was raised." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You raised me." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "You're overthinking this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "I was thinking that it might be a hoot for you to see him again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And did you think it might be a hoot to ask me first?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "No. If I'd asked you, you would have said no." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Of course, mom. Of course I would have said no." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"Once upon a time, there lived a family of bears. There was papa bear\"...That's you, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah. Okay. Let's see." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you want me to hold it and stand in the driveway?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"Holy mackerel, this is good salmon.\" I feel like they missed an oppor..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shh! \"I don't want to eat the fish. They are my friends!\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What kind of voice is that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I am a bear." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "A bear? I was gonna get a crucifix." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"And then the baby bear said...\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "\"Good night, mama. Good night, papa. This has been the best day ever.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And after she kissed her parents good night, she drifted off to sleep. The end.\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Whoa, whoa, whoa. She? Baby bear's a girl? We have to do it over. I would have played it totally different." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think you nailed it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And what's that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, you're fine. But, Jay, I need to tell you something." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's a bear, Gloria. I did the best I could." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. I don't want you to get upset about this, but I'm not going to the party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, it's because your ex-wife is going to be there, and we're never good together. I'm feeling very nervous. It's better that I stay here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wow. I... I don't know what to say." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So you're okay with this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I wouldn't say I'm okay with it, but I get it. I feel like I'm in the same boat with your friend's daughter's first communion coming up. I always felt like the husband never liked me. Maybe you're right. I should probably skip it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait, wait, wait. So Robbie Sullivan's at your house right now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, he is having dinner with my family." }, { "from": "Rpbbie", "value": "And let me tell you something. this chick was fat." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Every time he opens his mouth, I can feel my daughters losing respect for me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, I never liked that guy. He used to always put me in a headlock. It is amazing the freaks we used to date." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "'Ello, gov'nah!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I gotta jump. All right. Let's hear it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sir Fizbo-lot, royal court Jester, at your service. I understand there's a little princess 'oos in need of a jolly good time!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Your 'ighness said that the clown doesn't fit the princess theme. But \"mefinks\"... That a court Jester is right as rain!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There goes the theory that an English accent makes everyone sound smart." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, come on. It's gonna be a boring party without any entertainment." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I agree, which is why I hired a princess. Cue the gasp." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How could you do that? How dare you?! Entertaining and delighting children is who I am." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just be a parent. Cameron : But I want to... Mitchell : Go." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I want to..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Now. Stop." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I was thinking about what you said, and maybe I should go to the party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What'd I say? I didn't say anything." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "About Maria Victoria's first communion. We cannot let other people make us miss important family events." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm gonna miss Alex's graduation, all of Haley's weddings, just because of Dede? I love them. They're my family, too." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're up to weddings already? H- h-how about this? Try missing tomorrow, and then just see how that feels." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Jay. You're so good to me. That's why I have to go. You're gonna be there for me the same way I'm gonna be there for you at Maria Victoria's first communion." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait a minute. That's back on the table?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, you know, we didn't want to break curfew." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Curfew?! Oh, right. As if you two ever honored a curfew." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I love your stories, Nana. Keep on goin'. Robbie : Your father used to scare the crap out of me. Claire : Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dede", "value": "Well, evidently not enough to keep you from sneaking in at 3:00 in the morning. I didn't know whether to punish you or make you pancakes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, hey! Ha ha ha ha!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Claire, you remember that time we cut school and we went out to the pier..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "...And we played that game, and you won the..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Giant panda bear! Robbie : The panda bear... Right. Claire : Yeah. Yes." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Yeah. Do you remember what we did after that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Hey, do you still like roller coasters?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not this one." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "You know, Robbie was a rogue, but he could charm your socks off. Although I doubt he stopped there." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Wow, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mom?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "We're all adults here, honey, pretty much." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I think we're... we're done." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Yeah, well, I better get going. I've got an early-morning run, celebrity client. Don't ask me who. Let's just say that if I'm late, I'll be in Jeopardy." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Who is Alex Trebek?" }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Uh, he's a game-show host. Why?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "No reason. Robbie : Claire. Claire : Yes?" }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "This was incredible. Thanks a lot. S-so great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It was so great. Robbie : So good to see you. Claire : I know." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "You look so good. Catching up was so fun." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, you... you take good care. You take good care, now. Yes. Ohh, let's do it. Let's do that." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "I'll walk you out. Haley: Bye!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Really, mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was young." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I thought he was sexy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go to your room." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I did it. She brought all the crazy in her arsenal, and I did not crack." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think a bone in my hand did. Claire : Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Phil : You know what hurt more?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I used to think your mother loved me. Apparently, she always wished you'd married Robbie." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no, sweetie. This was all about her trying to annoy me. Phil : Come on. She's practically walking you two down the aisle. Claire : Ohh. Oh. He left his phone." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "All those mother's day cards I sent her... All those joke e- mails she forwarded to me months after I'd already seen them. Well, no more polite \"LOLs\" for you, Dede." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Oh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Holy cow! Wow. Okay, well... You were right. It's not about me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Girl", "value": "You are princess..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop eyeing the princess. You're gonna freak her out." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know. I-I think the whole idea of needing a prince to come along and make you happy, sends the wrong message, Mitchell. I really do." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? And a grown man pulling boxer shorts out of his mouth doesn't." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm... Claire : Hi, sweetie. Mitchell : Hey, Phil. Phil : Hey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So...Where is she? Where's mom?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, let's get the weirdness over with." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. I thought she was coming with you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no, no. I haven't seen mom since... let's see... oh, she made out with my ex-boyfriend last night." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, my God!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Yeah. And then she took off with him, didn't come back to the house until after I was asleep, and then this morning left a cute little note that said, \"having breakfast with Robbie!\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell is she doing? He's half her age! Don't say it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I think it's sweet. Love is beautiful. It has no age. When it's meant to be, it's meant to be. That is the question." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, what's going on over there?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She was a little nervous about your mother being here, so she tried her first Xanax, washed it down with a shot of tequila." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, look at the princess. It's so beautiful." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really? 'Cause I don't see it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me." }, { "from": "Princess", "value": "There's the birthday girl!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Glitter? That'll settle in her lungs. So, I wanted to ask what method of payment you prefer... Cash, credit card, check?" }, { "from": "Princess", "value": "Why, princesses don't get paid, except maybe in laughter and sparkles." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's nice. But I really need to know." }, { "from": "Princess", "value": "All I ask is that a little girl's birthday wishes... \"Come true\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Miss, seriously, if you want to get paid, I need to..." }, { "from": "Princess", "value": "Fine. You can make the check out to party stars incorporated." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Never break character. Never, ever!" }, { "from": "Princess", "value": "But..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"But\" nothing. When I was a clown, my shoe caught on fire, and one of my fellow clowns put me out with a bucket of flammable confetti." }, { "from": "Princess", "value": "What's happening?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Even as they loaded me into the ambulance, I continued to make balloon animals!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Flammable confetti?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There was a seltzer bottle right there!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I cannot believe it. She brought him to the party!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God! I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop. No, not... not now. The last thing I need is some big scene, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know, she's doing this just to torture me. Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. She's doing this to get back at me because I didn't let her stay with us." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're both wrong. This is about me. I got the young girl. She had to get the young guy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, she and I are good. We had a long talk last night after you and I \"split\" that bottle of wine, and you \"fell asleep\" on the stairs." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know why everybody's getting so upset about this. Maybe it's about passion, about what the body wants, what the... what the heart wants for the heart." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, seriously, can you deal with Cheech and Chong?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Hi, everyone. Jay, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, buenos dias, Dede... B-buenos... ...Mi amor bella." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, yeah. Uh, Gloria... Come on. That's enough." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi, mom. Hi." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh, Mitchell. Mwah! Mitchell : Thank you for coming. Dede : You remember Robbie." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, I do. Yes. Hi." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh! That's Lily! Oh! I guess you're trying to keep the outfit I sent her clean." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, Robbie, it looks like the years have been treating you good, huh?" }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Hey, what's up, Red?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Um..." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "I love this guy. Remember, we used to wrestle around all the time?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Please stop. Is my baby watching? Roobie : Good to see you, man." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I need to talk to you for a second. Let me just... Whoa, whoa, whoa. ...Ask you a little something. What are you doing with my mother?" }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Hey, I've got a code. What happens in the limo stays in the limo." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She's my mother!" }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Look, I know this is all a little freaky, but I had a crush on your mother back in high school, and it's always been kind of a fantasy for me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ew! You were dating me and fantasizing about my mother?" }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Ohh, boy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "robbie", "value": "I think we both know what this is really all about." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, no." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "You still want me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. Are you insane? Dede : Oh, what's going on here, you two? Robbie : You are." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're insane." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Claire still wants me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. Don't." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Oh...Oh, I should've seen this coming." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, really." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "One minute she sees I'm happy, and she swoops in!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Didn't swoop! I didn't swoop. If anybody swooped, it was you! You swooped!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Claire, hush. Not now! Not now! Not now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, stop, please. She accused me of trying to steal my old boyfriend from her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, fine, but make it quick." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why does everything have to be so hard with you? Why can't you just be a normal old grandma?! Why do you... You come in here, it's some sort of sick game for you to just push people and push people and push people and see how far you can push them! And so fine... Look at me! You win! You win! I'm screaming at a princess party, mom!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": ": Claire. Claire..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm screaming at a princess party!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, Claire, Claire, Claire. Robbie? I think maybe, you know, you should take off." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Yeah, yeah, look, I hear you, Phil. Uh, but between you and me... I'm getting some serious vibes from the princess over here, and I'd kind of like to play that out. Oh." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey. Time to go." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "Hey, Mr. P. How you been?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm doing good. But I never liked you in the basement with my daughter, and I don't like you here with my ex." }, { "from": "Robbie", "value": "You know, your little intimidation game may have worked on me when I was a kid, but I'm a full-grown man now... And I think I should go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So much for keeping it all about Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, yeah, and I certainly didn't help by berating that perfectly sweet journeyman princess like I did." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, God, look at this place. Everybody's traumatized. Oh, we need somebody to pump some life back into this party, huh?" }, { "from": "Camerno", "value": "I got this. I'll go in and turn on some music, bring out the cupcakes, pump up the bubble machine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Or..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Is that a roundabout way of saying a certain clown can come to the party?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was wrong. Every kid wants a clown for a dad." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! You just made a little girl very happy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, well, I can see that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You okay?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "I'm fine. I will be fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "'Cause you know Claire gets stressed out. That stuff she said out there..." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "Was all true." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "I don't know what I was thinking with him. I feel like such a fool." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You got flattered by the attention of a younger guy, and you got a little carried away. So what?" }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "It's not that. It's... I divorced you, because I was looking for something else. I haven't found it. But when I come back here, I feel like I have to prove something. Like people are looking at me, saying, \"You broke up the family. What do you have to show for it?\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You did the right thing. We were stalled. I didn't have the guts to end it." }, { "from": "Dede", "value": "That's because you're a decent man. And that doesn't make it any easier. I just don't want to be thought of as \"Crazy Nana.\" That's not really who I am. I think, more than anything else, my real problem... is her!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Huh? No, Dede! Ay, ¿qué pasa? Oh. Ha ha." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, maybe it isn't about me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Or me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I told you it was about me! Gloria: No! No!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got Gloria! I got Gloria!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is such a precious gift!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. I can't believe my dad sat down and did this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Keep going." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, pay attention. It's your line!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just had a damn line. Manny, freshen this up for me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no more drinks until we finish this." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who cares? Cam's just gonna return it anyway." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cue gasp." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Morning." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Did you sleep all right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. You? Say no, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of course no. I missed you up there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Last night, I know I got kind of carried away..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no. You don't need to apologize." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't think that I was apologi..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You were right to be mad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sometimes I just feel like I have to scream to let you know how upset I am, but you get it now, right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I... do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Good. So let's pretend the whole thing never happened." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What were we even fighting about, huh?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "What the heck happened in here? The raccoon get through the dog door again?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. The raccoon got in, and your mom fought it off with the fire extinguisher." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You're a mess! Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Careful, buddy. Not today. I think you look beautiful." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Save it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, hey, good. Grab the other end of this and help me get it out of here. I have to start setting up the chairs for tonight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, tonight? What's tonight?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Are you kidding me? This is what I'm talking about, Mitchell. You never listen when I..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's a fundraiser for the friends of the Third Street Overpass Music Society. Two harpists are performing, and you're anxious 'cause Andrew, your nemesis from the steering committee, ran the event last year, and you want to upstage him. I was kidding." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ha." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam has it in his head that I don't listen to him, but I do." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you, Mitchell? Do you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You act like you listen to every single thing that I say, but you don't." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't I, Mitchell?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Razor blades, saline solution, black socks, and the new issue of Vanity Fair." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow. I don't even remember asking for all that. Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "How'd this thing come off, anyway?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I was cooking dinner, and..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Right. And the raccoon just walked in the..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And I already had the door open." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Right. Which I... I had already had ahold of the..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why don't you two go work on your story and come back?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Okay." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I won't be home till late. I have another shift at the restaurant." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's our working girl. Let the river run, honey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Check it! $57 in tips from last night. Holla!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, that's impressive. You know what? $57 from you," }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom, is this \"upscale casual\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah. Cam hired Luke to help out with the benefit tonight." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you know what? I can't fix this thing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? I need that. I use it every day. Okay, Phil, what do you say? You want to take a trip to the mall with me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I... do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, come on! I want to go home because you said you were going to film me doing the karaoke so I can send it to Colombia to my mother." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, um, about the mall? I was actually gonna run out and get my hair cut this afternoon." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, hang on here. Why don't I run Claire down the mall, and you give Phil a haircut? You're always talking about how you miss working at the salon." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I guess I could. I do Jay. Why can't I do you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You... can do me. Okay, let's get this party started. You know that song?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's go, let's go! We're wasting time!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "O... okay, okay. Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You know it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think I do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, that was Andrew, who practically choked telling me that no one had called in their regrets for the event tonight. It is gonna be a full house." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, that must feel great!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I never thought I would enjoy having an archenemy. - Oh. But I do, Mitchell. I do. Hmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Lily, what you got there?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I do feel bad for those PETA folks. Their event's tonight, too. That's why I had you mail the invitations so long ago. I shouldn't laugh. I do feel bad for those little PETA animals. I really do. What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nothing. She was, uh... she was, uh, sucking her thumb again." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hello, Miss Hartwick. Uh, Cam and I are hosting a little event tonight, and... Yes, yes. No, I am aware that there is also a PETA event, and... ohh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who are you talking to?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm in the shower!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Luke, how are those chairs coming? Come in." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think you should come in come in." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, now I'm worried about the flow. The eyes should go to the harps, not the backs of chairs." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you gonna get upset and starting eating all the appetizers again?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It is amazing what you notice and what you don't notice. Please handle that. I need to think." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Come on, Luke." }, { "from": "Waitress", "value": "Hi, there. Your father home?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think so. Why?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, oh! The wait staff. Please, Luke, show them to the kitchen, please." }, { "from": "andrew", "value": "Knock knock." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Hello, Andrew." }, { "from": "Andrew", "value": "Nice chair backs. I just thought you could use this. It's the sign-in book for my event last year. Let just turn to the blank pages, which should be... Oh. No. It's full." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, thank you for thinking of us, but shouldn't you be getting back home to Donald? That is the name of your cat, isn't it?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Andrew", "value": "I'll see you at 7:00." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Drive safely. What did I tell you?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "She's even worse than you said." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hold still! You can't move like that. It's like cutting the hair of a cuckoo bird." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry. I'm just a little tense today." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I knew it. Something happened. Because when somebody works in a salon, they know when someone needs to talk." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Actually, you might be able to help me with this one. Claire and I got into a huge fight last night... And I'm not even sure what it was about." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Was that why you didn't want to go to the mall with her?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. No, that was... more about a weird... mall habit Claire has." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "It is impressive how much Haley's earning. She's over $500 already." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's a lot of cheddar." }, { "from": "alex", "value": "Why's everyone acting like she's the first 17-year-old to have a job? In other cultures, she'd have two kids already, and they'd have jobs." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You know, I stopped by the restaurant a couple times, and she wasn't there." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "When?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh, I don't remember. I was at the mall for a movie." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Think! I need details!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, it was a romantic comedy my now ex-friend Reuben recommended..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Not about the movie! What day?! Focus!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, uh, it was Tuesday, but I also ate there again on Saturday, and she wasn't there then, either." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my god. I bet she doesn't even work there." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, then, where's all this money coming from?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Do you notice how every single night is just under $60? Grandpa gave her $60 for her birthday. She's just hanging around the mall all day, flashing the same cash every night, and fooling my parents into buying her a car. Hey, dad! Can we eat at Haley's restaurant tonight?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, there's a good idea!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Great. I'll text her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, god, no!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, god, yes! Oh! Oh, god, yes! Oh, get after it! Ohh! Amazing. I'm going for 15 more on me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think you got what you needed from that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Okay. Thank you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, maybe you do need to talk about this fight." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "With Phil?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How could you not know what she was mad about?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because she didn't tell me. She just freaked out. Claire : I cannot believe you, Phil! How could you?! Phil : What is happening? What... what did I do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you serious? You are! You don't know. We've had this conversation a hundred times. You know... no, no. I'm not... I'm not doing this again. You tell me what you did." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"Uh...\" Phil : Was it... Claire : \"Was it...\" Phil : Uh..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"Uh\"? No, Phil. No. No, no, no. No! I'm going to get some air." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire. Claire!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! Don't follow me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Happy valen-birth-iversary!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Storming off... right out of your mom's playbook." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Where'd you go?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, as it turns out, not very far." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil! Phil, you moron, stop it! It's me, you idiot!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you doing?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry! I thought you were a raccoon!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You thought I was a raccoon! Because people look so much like raccoons. Oh, look. There's one now!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, Claire, no! Claire!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Wait a minute. Not even crazy woman go crazy for no reason. What happened before the broccoli?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's just it... it came out of the blue. I walked in the door, we're having a conversation about nothing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, honey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry I got stuck at the office. How was your day?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It was good. Although you know what?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Debbie stood me up for lunch. Rude, right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. She called." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I didn't get a message." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. You did. I left you one. It's right... there." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's it! How is she supposed to see this? If you give me a message this tiny, I kill you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But that's not when she got mad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's it! You insult a woman's driving, and you use the \"Air bunnies.\" You do that to me, and I kill you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I hear you, but the screaming still hadn't started yet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How stupid are you? You tell me that you're seeing an old girlfriend, and I..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kill me, I know. But she still hadn't snapped yet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I almost forgot. I picked up the broccoli you asked for. Cauliflower. Can't believe I did that again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I cannot believe you, Phil!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You didn't do one thing wrong. You do everything wrong! I don't even know why she talks to you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She said she was okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. No woman is okay with this. We don't forget. We wait. And then, when you least expect it, We make you pay. Chin up!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Up!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So you had a meltdown over that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I did, because ever since I met him, I've been trying to get Phil to try a wedge salad. The minute that Skip Woosnum, whom he doesn't even like, suggests it, Phil thinks it's the greatest thing ever, and he does this with everything. He does it with books, with movies, with TV. He listens to everybody's opinion but mine, and it drives me crazy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You two seemed fine this morning." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, we were because we talked about it, which, by the way, if you want this whole karaoke thing with Gloria to go away, that's what you need to do." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's easier said than done." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, since when do you shy away from confrontation, Mr. Tough Talk, Mr. Straight Shooter? Getting a little soft, grandpa?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Friends of the Third Street..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Is that Mitchell? What's taking him?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No, it's not Mitchell. It's... I don't understand his name." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello? Oh, hi, Longinus. Listen, did you get my message? About the chiavari chairs... I want you to bring them when you come. What do you mean you're not... not coming? Well, that's not possible. Mitch... Mitch mailed them weeks ago. What about Pepper? Did he get his? And L'Michael? And Steven and Stefan? And Bob? I have to go. Get me your uncle Mitchell." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't know his number. It went to voicemail." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Of course it did. Keep trying him until you get him. It's one button. Just... redial." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, really great event tonight benefiting the music society... musicians like you. Okay. Hey!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Uncle Cam for uncle Mitchell." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How could you, Mitchell?! Honestly! Give me that. You want to hear the guest list for night? So far it's anger, betrayal, terror, and sadness. Congratulations, Mitchell, you packed the house!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I am so sorry. I... I... I'm gonna fix it. I'll make a big donation." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's not gonna keep them from kicking me off the steering committee! When Andrew walks in here and sees a room full of empty chairs..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know he's not really your archenemy. that's sort of a made-up thing." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Fix it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hi! You came!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi! Of course we did. We wanted to see you work. - Oh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're so proud of you, sweetheart." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah, we're all proud. So where's our table?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Actually, bad news. We're totally booked. We have a ton of reservations." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah, one's ours. I called. Here it is!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, so, your table is right here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, would you mind getting us a couple drinks? I would love an iced tea." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Same, please." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'll have a mango-kiwi smoothie, yogurt instead of ice cream, and make it low-fat. I want to look good when I'm riding in your new car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I got to say, I like this haircut." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, we're all just playing for second in this family." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Waitress", "value": "Were you all done here?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, actually, no. Um, I will have more iced tea, another iced tea, and a mango-kiwi smoothie, all ice cream. I'm pregnant." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, this is nice. Me, my gals, and my beautiful, beautiful wife. Just so you know, I rescheduled with Carla. I penciled her in for the 12th... of never." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's too bad. I was kind of looking forward to hearing about that one." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. By the way, no one called for you while you were out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I just want to make sure you get any messages from any friends who might call, which none of them did." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Isn't it weird that Haley's the only one here not wearing a name tag?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "If your mother had a name tag, it would say \"good driver.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Here you go." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I want to hear the specials.Haley : Uh, we're out of specials. What were they?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Popular, which you wouldn't understand." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, what could be better than drinks with a beautiful woman? And every beautiful woman deserves flowers. Cauliflowers." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. What's going on? Is this about last night?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I just want you to know how important to me you are." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, I know that. I know that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I still feel bad about, you know what I... did." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Listen to me. You and I are fine. Okay? I'm just really hungry. Okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Okay. All right! What looks good? Oh, gosh. Oh, here's something that jumps right off the page." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I tried this yesterday, thanks to my good friend Skip Woosnum. Claire, do yourself a favor and join me wedge salad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You have got to be kidding me!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just try it. You will thank me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Did you learn nothing from last night?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whoa. It was about the salad?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have been recommending wedge salads to you, Amongst other things, for years, and you never listen to me. And then some idiot suggests it, and you can't wait to try a wedge salad?! It makes me feel like I don't matter." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thanks a lot, dad! Mom's little outburst just got me fired!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I got to talk to your mom. You comfort your sister." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She never worked here!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, Mitchell called you, too." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. I take it you haven't had your conversation with Gloria yet?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's getting worse. She sang all the way here. We passed two cars... the dogs stuck their heads back inside the window." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What are we gonna do?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I could start a fire." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. Keep that in your back pocket." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I want to show you something." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let me guess. It's a copy of \"The book thief\" that I begged you to read, but you wouldn't until your dental hygienist said it changed her life." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Remember this?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's the first Thanksgiving I spent with your family." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "God, I hated that ponytail." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know. You said it made me look like a wimpy bouncer, so I cut it off." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just like I lost the feathered earring... and the van with the beanbag chairs. And I changed my forestry major." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I get it, Phil. I get it. I am the controlling witch that made you give up everything fun in your l..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. No. You're the witch who saved me. Look. Look at this picture. Now look at this guy. You can't tell me our opinion doesn't matter. You changed me for the better in a hundred different ways." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's the worst sound in the world." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Friends, uh, family, uh, board members..." }, { "from": "Andrew", "value": "\"Bored\" is right." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know we were all looking forward to hearing the beautiful stylings of Harp Attack, but there has, unfortunately, been a slight..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't start yet!" }, { "from": "Camerno", "value": "delay, and the program will start in a few minutes, on time. Uh, so, please, everyone take their seats. Thank you. Oh, my god, you did it! Sort of." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know this isn't what you were hoping for, but I need to do a better job of listening to you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no, you did the best you could, and, plus, this is double what Andrew had last year for \"Cello submarine.\" Thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh... how are you sitting at a harp and not scoring this moment? Ladies!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, come. I work out another song." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria. Gloria." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I can't take it anymore! Okay? It's not singing, it's screaming. Mom, I love you, but for the love of god, destroy that thing before it destroys this family! Coward!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think you sound great, but if it bothers the kid..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Coward!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, how many people have ordered DVDs and haven't paid for them?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, yeah. Uh, I guess I could stop by and..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really, really important." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, Cheryl, can I call you back? Okay. Great. Bye. Yes? What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, yeah... I was going through your drawer in the bathroom looking for some lip stuff because my..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Lips were dry. Phil : God, you know me. Claire : Phil..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Remember the spa certificates we got at the children's hospital auction?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, look at this... they expire tomorrow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, wow. What are you gonna do?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, I don't think you're grasping the magnitude of this package, valued at over $250." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "If you don't use them, then all our money just goes to charity." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And so what am I supposed to do? Somewhere between dropping off Alex at orchestra and picking up Luke from practice... Oh, and burning a bunch of DVDs of the talent show, I'm gonna, what, pop in for a quick salt scrub?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I thought Cheryl was doing the DVDs." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, she's supposed to, but somehow she's got me doing it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here's what you do. Say, \"Cheryl, no can do today. Need a little 'me time.'\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Have you met Cheryl? That'll be my new nickname. I'll be Claire \"me time\" Dunphy. It's not worth the headache." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just say you're sick." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Then I run into her, and it'll be a whole thing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, if that happens, you say you're on your way to the pharmacy to..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, darling, no, not helping." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fine. I'll give them to Florence Gunderman at work. Her hands look gross ever since she took up the banjo." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, mom, I need some money for lunch. We're all gonna go to... Oh, my God! Take off my sweater! Mom, tell her to take it off!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, take it off." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Last week, she wore my sweatshirt without asking." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is true." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, please... that was an honor for your stupid old sweatshirt. It was the first time the top half got any exercise. Now, mom, that's my favorite sweater! I just got it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know what you girls need to learn to do? You need to learn to share, because that's what sisters do. All right, Haley, nothing's gonna happen to your sweater. Right, Alex?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, fine. Then I will just go put on your favorite nerdy t- shirt, the one with the guy from \"Back to the future\" on it." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's Albert Einstein! And it is not nerdy!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, daddy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How was the farmers' market? Well, it was great, but guess what the new spinach is." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um, radicchio?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Kale." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. I was just as blown away as you are." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, well, I guess we're going to have to adopt... yay... a new attitude towards kale. Maybe we'll even adopt a new vinaigrette. Adopt, yay!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, what's going on here?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm taking the negative charge out of the word \"adopted.\" Yay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What did Oprah do now?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, she had a girl on who, at 16, found out that she was adopted and felt betrayed, ran away, and became a stripper... and not the heart-of-gold kind, the by-the-airport kind." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All right. Go get your gavel, judge Judy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, not at all. I'm adopting..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ahh!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "...a tolerant attitude toward your flights of lunacy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Adopting! Yay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, come on. Hurry up. The later we are, the more Cheryl texts me to do." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm coming, I'm coming." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Tell me again why the violin just wasn't you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's too happy. Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Let's see. It might not be a big deal. Just... here we go. Let's see. Oh, okay." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Is it bad?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it's gonna be fine. You're gonna be okay. Oh, honey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, I forgot my phone." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing. I love you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So weird. You better not spill anything on that, okay, dork?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Relax. Half the 11th grade's been inside this sweater." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria! Let's go, let's go, let's go!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Jay, have you noticed a spring in my step?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, kids say cruel things. That doesn't mean you'll turn out that way." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. We have something in common. I'm seeing a younger woman." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How much younger are we talking about?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "13 months. Her name's Chloe. She makes me feel like a 5th grader again." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good for you, kid." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hmm. There they are... my two dirty old men." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, pretty soon you're gonna be north of 40 and I'm gonna have to trade you in for a newer model. Am I right, buddy?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's my mother, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You ready?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's such a beautiful day. Why do we have to do this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because when this thing is behind us, it's done and we never have to think about it again. Come on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I went to a funeral last Saturday, and it got me thinking about where Gloria and I were gonna end up after we die." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, it's been a fun week." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't like loose ends. So I made a few calls. I found these people selling a couple of primo plots in the best cemetery in town. Not that I'm gonna go there anytime soon." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't be so sure... with all the bacon that he eats." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, got to give my cholesterol pills something to do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm. I don't care how much they promote it, kale is a garnish. It's not ready to anchor a meal." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look at this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! Lily's little hat that we bought her at the airport in Vietnam. Remember how cute she looked in that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Remember how I used to wear it and walk around and act like I had a giant head?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm-hmm. That was good acting." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm putting together a little scrapbook of how Lily became ours. You know, her adoption certificate, some pictures of her from her village... All out in the open, so she has nothing to be ashamed of." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You leaving that on all day?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, and I'm also gonna write a little storybook... You know, something I can read her at bedtime. It's called \"Two monkeys and a panda.\" She's the panda because she's Asian." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And we're monkeys because..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can draw monkeys." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, I think this is a great project, and I believe you are gonna finish it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lily's adoption certificate. Her name is \"Lily Tucker Pritchett.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Right." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not \"Tucker-Pritchett\" like it's supposed to be. First name... \"Lily.\" Middle name... \"Tucker.\" Last name... \"Pritchett.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, that can't be right." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is a legal document! She only has your last name. M... m...my name is just a middle name!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stay calm. Don't get upset." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Nobody knows anyone's middle name! Quick... what's my middle name?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Scott." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Of course you know mine. We're a couple!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, look, t...this is obviously a mistake." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But you're the one who filled out this paperwork. You don't make mistakes like this. You correct mistakes like this. You did this on purpose." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So your name could have top billing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, no, I am not gonna sit here and listen to you accuse me of something so horrible!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It makes so much sense now... Why you wanted to fill out all these legal forms." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, I'm a lawyer! I fill out all the legal forms, ever since you signed up for a 12-year gym membership!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Kim", "value": "You have very nice hands. Soft like lady's." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you, Kim. I appreciate that. My wife never seems to notice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is ta-da?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just saying this is it. Ta-da." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"Ta-da\" is when you do a flip or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show someone where you want to shove their dead body." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not gonna argue the proper use of \"ta-da.\" This is it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Seriously? In the file cabinet?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's called a crypt. And how are you not getting how great this is? We're four down from Bugsy Siegel." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. I'm not going into any wall. I'm going in the ground." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sorry, not me. There's enough to not like about death without adding dirt and worms. The whole thing gives me the willies." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You die, you go to the ground. Is natural. You go back to the earth. Here, you're just a mushy bag of bones rotting away for all eternity! Sorry for your loss. Can we get the hell out of here?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What am I supposed to tell the guy?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Tell them we don't want our bodies inside these drawers where God cannot find us!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman", "value": "I'm thinking of getting bangs." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ooh, you totally should. You would be so cute with bangs. You have the face for it. I don't. Oh, there's my better half. Kim, would you mind? Thank you. Hey, honey. Where are you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm on my way to Downey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, uh, did you know Karen and Richard Carpenter grew up in Downey?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What random and not-helpful fact, Phil. I'm sorry. I'm... I'm having kind of a rough day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I'm kind of having a rough day myself." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Look, Phil, I need you to take care of dinner for me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Alex ripped Haley's favorite sweater, and now I'm driving around from store to store, trying to find the exact same one before Haley finds out." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't do that. Just explain to her what happened." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mnh-mnh. Haley's not gonna understand." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sure, she will." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, Phil, you don't understand. I'm trying to avoid this turning into a whole big thing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Then just get her something close. She'll never know the difference." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, could you just take care of dinner, sweetie? That's all I'm asking. That's it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm just saying, there's a simpler way to do this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There is no simpler way. Just make dinner! Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hello? What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ed", "value": "Mr. Pritchett... We're the Rutledges, the ones selling the spots." }, { "from": "Winnie", "value": "Hi. Hi. Oh, my gosh. Look, honey. I hadn't heard. Martin is in." }, { "from": "Ed", "value": "Well, look at that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry. Is that a friend of yours? We've made a point to get to know everyone in the neighborhood." }, { "from": "Winnie", "value": "We think it makes it less awkward, you know, later." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry. This is my wife, Gloria." }, { "from": "Winnie", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Ed", "value": "I'm Ed, and this is my bunk. And this is my loving wife and devoted mother of three, Winnie. She'll be here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't know what our lineup is yet. But at home, I sleep on the right side, so probably there." }, { "from": "Winnie", "value": "We don't mean to be rude, but you seem to be much younger than your husband." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're not rude. I'm very much younger." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is that a problem?" }, { "from": "Ed", "value": "Well, it's just that there's a good chance, uh, you'll be moving in long before she would." }, { "from": "winnie", "value": "Our concern is, your wife remarries, and she wants to be laid to rest with her new husband. So she sells this spot to the highest bidder." }, { "from": "Ed", "value": "And we're left lying next to a complete stranger, without even so much as a formal \"how do you do?\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, tell them you're in." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know, Jay. I think they have a very good point. And they're not crazy at all." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you mean they have a good point?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't think this is going to work. Good luck getting someone into your drawers." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It occurs to me that I may have gotten a little too upset and jumped to some conclusions that were perhaps not true. I realize now that you would never intentionally do something so unthinkable. So... I just wanted to say I'm sorry for accusing you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I did it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I knew it! You two-faced..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let me explain." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There is... there is no explanation. There is just no excuse. I just want to know why!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, y... you know how, um, s... some women say that they forget how painful childbirth was? Well, I... I... I think that you are forgetting how panicked you were before we got Lily. You were freaking out." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was not!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, so, it says that we can put the mattress at one of three different levels. Which one should we do?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, just think about how far down she should be." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How far... I don't know! I can't do this!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Oh, this latch system is great. What did people do before this?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know! Stop asking me questions!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can't do this! I can't!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "OK, I'm confused... you're saying that if she tells me she has a problem, I'm not supposed to help her?" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Not unless she asks for your help." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But if she lets me help her, I can make her problem go away." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "That is such a male thing to say." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, forgive me for being a man." }, { "from": "Kim", "value": "Mango or kiwi?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ooh, kiwi." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "When you say, you know, \"do this or do that,\" all she's hearing is, \"I'm smarter than you.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Believe me, she doesn't think that." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "She doesn't want you to solve her problems. She just wants you to give her support so that she can solve her problems herself. Yes, and sometimes... sometimes she just wants a sympathetic ear." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whoa. Whoa. Maybe it's all the creams, but that just made sense, girlfriends. So if Claire says, \"I hate getting stuck in traffic,\" I shouldn't say, \"maybe u should leave earlier\"..." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or, \"don't get on the freeway.\"" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I should just say, \"I know. It's so frustrating.\"" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Yes! That's it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Woman", "value": "Yes! Yes!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And... and if she says, uh, uh... \"The waiter I had today was so rude,\" I shouldn't say, \"maybe you should just order something on the menu for once.\"" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I should just say, \"what a jerk.\"" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Yes! Yes!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And if she says, \"Phil, the TV's driving me crazy,\" I should just say, \"I know! There is not enough quality programming for women.\"" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "No! Turn off the damn TV." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, now I'm confused again." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "So, I heard you had a rough time today." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, well..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Remember the days when we thought we'd live forever?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't you want to go play?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "When do I ever play? I'm kind of wrestling with this whole \"older man, younger woman\" thing. It's like Chloe and I grew up in different worlds. Today I made a joke about the wiggles. It went right over her head." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't know what that is." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's an expression... means she didn't get it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, it sometimes.. this age thing... knocks you in the head." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That what this is about?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I always knew your mother might remarry after I'm gone. That never bothered me. I figured her husbands would be your dad, me, and some putz who could never live up to me. But what if I'm not the main guy? What if some other guy is? What if I'm the putz?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "When my mom and dad got divorced, do you have any idea how many guys chased after her? The phone didn't stop ringing. Men would stop her on the street. Guys would propose to her from moving cars. They were good-looking guys, Jay... with money. I think one of them was a Kennedy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Where are you going with this?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "When you showed up, I didn't think you had a prayer. You were so nervous and sweaty, I felt sorry for you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I had to climb three flights of stairs. Manny : But of all people, my mom fell for you. Jay : I got a few moves." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She said she fell in love with you during your first fight." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She said she'd finally met her match." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So if you think she's just gonna replace you when you're gone, then you are the putz." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thanks, kid, I appreciate that. I thought you liked me when I first showed up." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Please. For the first month, I didn't even bother to learn your name." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is she back yet?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She's on her way. Did you find it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I did. At the fifth store I went to. It was in the window, and I had to undress a mannequin while a creepy guy filmed it, so we have to look forward to on the Internet." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ugh. Thank you so much, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're welcome. Now, go put that exactly where you found the other one, okay?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mwah." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Uh-oh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "The security tag... it's still on!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I told those people to take that off." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, no. She's pulling into the driveway!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. It's fine. It's fine. Don't panic. I've got it. I've got it." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She's getting out of the car!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right! I am doing it! I've almost got it. I... Oh, God! Oh, no!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What is that?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, it's ink." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Aah! Hide it. Hide it. She's in the house!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What are you doing with my sweater? Oh, my God! It's ruined!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It was an accident!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I knew this would happen, you idiot!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, hey! Let's try to get along." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I wish she was never even born!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "They were trying to make one with a brain!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not fair! Honey, you guys are both... oh... pretty smart." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh... Geez. It's that sweater, huh?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. It is that sweater. And I did everything I can to stop them from fighting." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't understand why they can't see how much you love them." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know. Meanwhile, Cheryl has be calling me all day because she's angry I didn't show up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Doesn't Cheryl have a housekeeper and a nanny? Why does she need so much help?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know, right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You work so hard. You do so much." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of course you do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I do. I do. Oh, sweetie, thank you. I really appreciate that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Who's my gal?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Darn right. Yeah. Mwah! Oh. Let me get this. Hey, by the way... notice anything different about me?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Unh-unh. What is it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nothing. Claire : A haircut? Phil : A week ago." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, so, tell me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Forget it. It's not important." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll just go start dinner." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, I've been thinking. When I go, I want you to know... it's okay if you marry someone else." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because I want you be happy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'll be happy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're driving me crazy on purpose, right?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, I'm not going to marry anyone else." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's what you say now, but no one knows what the future holds. So I want you to have this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look at this. An empty coffee can. Do you know what men used to buy me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "When I go, toss me in the fire, sweep up my ashes, stick 'em in that. Ta-da!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We need to talk about this \"ta-da.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "'Cause I don't care if it's in a wall or if it's in the ground... Just as long as I end up with you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, Jay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, so, f... for whatever it's worth, I... I called the adoption attorney... Adoption, yay! And on Monday, they're gonna start the process of changing Lily's last name to \"Tucker-Pritchett.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Again, I'm... I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um... oh, I, uh... I took a quick pass at \"Two monkeys and a panda.\" So, just let me know what you think. Um... \"Once upon a time, there were two monkeys. They loved each other very much, but there was something missing.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "A hyphen?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"They wanted a baby. And they heard that there was a very special baby in a faraway land who needed a family. She was a panda named Lily. One of the monkeys was scared. They'd never had a panda before. But they held Lily in their arms, and the scared monkey became the brave one. And the two monkeys...\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Coco and Miko." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry. What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"Coco\" and \"Miko\" are the names of the monkeys." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? That doesn't seem like it's a little un... Coco and Miko. I like that. I like that. Coco and Miko... yeah. \"They traveled all the way home with the perfect panda that they adopted.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Did she just clap? She heard \"adopted\" and clapped!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam! That's amazing! Oh, my God! You did that!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I don't..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?! You did that. That is amazing. I can't believe that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Once we finished writing the book, we realized something." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're not the only two monkeys with a panda. Gay parents are a huge market, and no one's writing for them. We thought we were sitting on a gold mine." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But we weren't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. \"Gay parenting.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Gay adoptive parenting.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Gay adoption: Foreign children.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Gay adoption: Asian children.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Bisexual adoption: Asian children.\" \"Transgendered adoption.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, come on. Let's go, Miko." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Morning, mom. Gloria : Good morning, papi. Manny : Am I right, Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your days ends at 2:30." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can't come fast enough. Quitting time. Am I right, Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's not make this a thing." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this? Where's my soft-boiled egg?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I scrambled it. It's good for you to try new things." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't want to try new things. You can't just spring this on me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I have bad news, Manny. This is not the biggest curve ball that life is going to throw you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Buddy, don't close yourself off from new things. I ever tell you the story about me and crab cakes? Thought I didn't like them, tried them, love them." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wow. Are the movie rights available for that one?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "You drool all the time. Mom had to take you to a specialist." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm still growing into my tongue." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, mom, can I go to the movies with Robin? Claire : No, you may not, 'cause you are still grounded. Haley : Then can I be sent to my room?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, 'cause we're having some fun family time. We're gonna spend this beautiful afternoon outside in the fresh air, getting some exercise, okay? Pitch it, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, well." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's the game." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What do you mean? We just started." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That was our only ball." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "So what? The game's over just because you're afraid of stupid Mr. Kleezak?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. I'm not going over there. That was fun." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a love child, he would be afraid of our next-door neighbor." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't have a mean thing to say about anyone, but Mr. Kleezak is... not a nice person." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Easy, honey." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Haley." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, hey, Uncle Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, is your mom home?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No. She had to take Alex to the oncologist." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God, what's wrong?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "She needed new glasses." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Did you mean optometrist?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Whatever. So, should I give her a message?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell !", "value": "Saturday night, we're having dinner with Pepper, Longinus, and Crispin." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "They're our gay friends." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I think that was clear. I've been spending a lot of time with a lot of straight people lately. And, darling, I need a night with my homies." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You mean homos." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Yeah. You know what? Maybe you should stay in and babysit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, our babysitter bailed, and we're kind of in a bind, so..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can do it. I can watch Lily. I'm really good. I'm babysitting Luke right now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yeah? You want... you want to babysit Lily? Oh, well, that's very sweet, honey, but you're... you're a very popular girl. I'm sure you have better things to do, so..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, seriously, I'm totally free." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Being grounded is so much worse than it was in the olden days. My friends text and Facebook all the fun stuff they're doing while I'm stuck at home playing jenga with my dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you serious?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "You don't even have to pay me. I promise I'll take super good care of her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, that would be great. Thank you. Yes, well, we'll see you on Saturday night. Bye, sweetie." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Bye." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What are you thinking?! Haley is a very sweet and fashionable girl, but seems hardly a responsible caregiver!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you know what? We needed a sitter. She's family. I say we give her a shot." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "A shot? Oh, with our only child? Sure, why not? If something goes wrong, we'll just pop over to the orient and grab another one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mr. Kleezak", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "My name is Luke Dunphy. I live next door." }, { "from": "Mr. Kleezak", "value": "What do you want?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I want to get our ball from your yard." }, { "from": "Mr. Kleezak", "value": "I don't want you messing around back there. Just go home." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you going scuba diving?" }, { "from": "Mr. Kleezak", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why do you have that tank?" }, { "from": "Mr. Kleezak", "value": "You being smart?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You mean in school? Well, I do okay. My teacher says I get distracted. Why do you have that tube in your nose?" }, { "from": "Mr. Kleezak", "value": "For fun. Luke : Really? Can I try? Mr. Kleezak :It's oxygen." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We have that in our house, but we don't need tanks." }, { "from": "Mr. Kleezak", "value": "Oh, for God's sake, just get your ball." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, you got to stop watching the news." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's your big solution... embrace ignorance?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What are you two arguing about? Never mind, I don't want to know. Be back in a couple hours." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Whoa, whoa, whoa, where you going?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "To my friend Walt's house to watch \"High noon.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ooh, I love westerns... the bloodier, the better. That's my favorite type of movie... That and anything set against the backdrop of competitive cheerleading." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is Walt the one who's always skateboarding?No." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Where would he put his oxygen tank?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, now I'm really confused." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You sound like Walt. He gets confused a lot. It's hilarious." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait, are we talking about Mr. Kleezak?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. I went over to his house to get my ball, and we've been hanging out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You were in Mr. Kleezak's house? Luke, that is not okay." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why not? He's really nice and funny. Listen to this joke. Okay, two krauts walk into a bar." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, this is not good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, don't jump to conclusions. Let him finish the joke." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And one of them has a limp." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You may not go back to that man's house." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why not?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because... he's weird." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And not very nice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's what you said about my friend Oliver." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oliver. Oliver who almost burned down our garage?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "He likes to melt stuff. Like you're so perfect." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, I'm sorry, but your mother and I just aren't comfortable with this." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's so unfair. You don't even know him 'cause you're too afraid to talk to him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buddy, we're just looking out for you." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You never like any of my friends." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're doing the right thing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Absolutely. Aren't we?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know. I mean, he makes a point. We don't know the man, and little kids can be friends with old people, right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of course they can. There's tons of examples. \"Up,\" um, \"Gran Torino,\" \"True grit.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Cartoon, kills himself, she loses an arm. We've got to go talk to that guy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now? Claire : Yeah. Phil : It's so dark." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, so, the numbers are by the phone. There's food in the fridge. I just changed her diaper, so all you need to do is put her down in about a half-hour and not let a serial killer in the front door." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, what if he's cute? Mitchell : Then save him for us. Cameron : Nobody in, nobody out." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, we're gonna be totally fine. You just go get your gay on." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong. Well, clearly it's not on yet, but it will be. So, okay, come on. Let's go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm telling you, kid, this is a concert you're never gonna forget. Mm-hmm. Greatest music in the world. Wait a minute. What's this?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are we seeing?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The symphony \"The four seasons.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I thought we were seeing Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's Vivaldi." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, crap. You mean nothing but instruments? I'm out of here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, you're not out. You're in." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I hate this kind of music." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, you always do that. Every time we try something new, your first reaction is always no." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's 'cause I'm old enough to know what I like and what I don't like." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What about the crab cakes?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That was a fluke. And I can't slather that boring music in tartar sauce." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So I have to try new things, like scrambled eggs, but you don't have to?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You see what you're doing? You're tearing this family apart." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's take it down a notch. You two go in. Have a great time. I'll see you later." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What are you going to do?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm gonna walk like a man, fast as I can, to that bar over there. And if you knew Frankie Valli, you'd be cracking up right now." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Longinus", "value": "I'm telling you, John Schneider was the one! Mitchell : John Schneider, from \"The Dukes of Hazzard\"? Cameron : That was your first crush?" }, { "from": "Longinus", "value": "Oh, my God, yes. Bo Duke... delicious." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "He was a redneck who drove a car called the General Lee with a giant confederate flag on it. That wasn't a turn-off for you?" }, { "from": "Longinus", "value": "Look, I know it was all kinds of wrong, but the heart wants what the heart wants." }, { "from": "Cameorn", "value": "Richard Gere. Oh, my God. I'll be the officer. Don't be a gentleman." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Montgomery Clift." }, { "from": "Crispin", "value": "Who?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Don't do that, Crispin. You're not that young. Anyway, my crush was gay. At least I had a shot." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You had a shot with Montgomery Clift? How old are you?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I will cut you like it was nothing, farm boy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, see, I miss this." }, { "from": "Longinus", "value": "Wait. What about you, Mitchell?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, okay, well, I... I didn't know it was a crush because I was only 8 at the time." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I knew when I was 8." }, { "from": "Crispin", "value": "Everyone knew when you were 8." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Longinus, get up. We're switching seats." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, okay, back to me, back to me, back to me. So, I had just seen \"St. Elmo's fire,\" and..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, Mitchell, look, it's your father." }, { "from": "Crispin", "value": "Ooh. That's your father?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "He's cute." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, can you please turn it off for one second?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Longinus", "value": "Ooh, he's all alone. Invite him over. Mitchell : Yeah, that's not something we're gonna do. Crispin : Relax, your dad knows you're gay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He doesn't know I'm this gay." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Excuse us? Oh, Mr. Pritchett!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jay! Jay!" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Yoo-hoo!" }, { "from": "Longinus", "value": "Oh, he looks like that dentist you hooked up with in Laguna." }, { "from": "Crispin", "value": "Oh, yeah, yeah. That was in my daddy phase. Mitchell : Yes, please, keep this up. This is fun for me. Jay : Fellas, how you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, dad. Cameron : Hi, Jay. Crispin : Hello, daddy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just getting a drink while Gloria and Manny see a show." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Well, please join us." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, I don't want to intrude. Mitchell : He doesn't want to intrude. Longinus : You are not intruding." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just gonna watch the game at the bar." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He just wants to watch the game at the bar, so... Cameron ; Oh, sit down. We're up by 25 with a minute to go." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, maybe just for a minute. Okay. So, what does a guy got to do to get a drink around here?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nobody say anything." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Justin, more booze." }, { "from": "Crispin", "value": "Oh, Mitchell was just about to tell us who his first boy crush was." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, I wasn't." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Let me bring you up to speed. Crispin's was Joey McIntyre... whoever that is. Longinus said John Schneider." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your name is Longinus?" }, { "from": "Longinus", "value": "I know. I never stood a chance." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Cam's was Richard Gere, and I was Monty Clift." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, at least yours was gay. I mean, you might've had a shot." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Thank you. Crispin, up. I'm sitting next to this one. Welcome." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's right there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mr. Kleezak?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mr. Kleezak? It's open. Honey, he's not moving. Is he okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, there's only one way to find out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mr. Kleezak? Mr. Kleezak? Okay, look. I... I don't know if he's breathing. Does he have a pulse?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, there's only one way to find out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Would you stop pushing me? You do it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I hate this. I'm gonna kill Luke. Oh, my God. He's ice-cold." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ugh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. We thought there was something wrong with you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We thought there was something wrong with you! Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hi. We haven't, uh, formally met. Phil Dunphy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Walt", "value": "Yeah, I know you. You're the guy who just broke into my house and fondled me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. No. We were just concerned that you looked dead. No offense." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Well, what... what... what... what are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, um, our son, Luke, told us that you invited him over here to watch movies, and I'm sure you could understand why we would... be concerned about that." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're doing great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Wait, are you saying that I'm some kind of pervert?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. Probably...Not." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Look, I didn't ask him to come over here. I was minding my own business, like you should be." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. But in all fairness, our son is our business." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Well, then, keep him. And keep your daughter from driving into my garbage cans." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I..." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "And keep your blinds closed when you're doing your little sexy dance." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, God, he's seen my sexy dance." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So... I'm 12 years old, and I'm staying over night at my best friend Jim's house, and neither one of us want to go to sleep." }, { "from": "Crispin", "value": "I know where this is going." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're better than that, Crispin." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, we sneak off to the movies, and we see this little picture called \"Solomon and Sheba.\" And Sheba was..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Gina Lollobrigida!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Gina Lollobrigida!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Bingo! And for the rest of my life, I swore, one day, I would marry Gina Lollobrigida." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, dad, you kind of did." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I hear that!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mmm. These are good. What's in them? Longinus : It's a margarita with a shot of absinthe. Pepper : Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." }, { "from": "Crispin", "value": "Ohh, are you making a bad pun or just lisping?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I can't believe I drove all the way to the Valley to pick you up." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Justin, more booze!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Haley, hi. Is... is everything okay?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, why?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because I just saw a man walk through the living room." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? Where are you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can see through the camera on the computer." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You're spying on me? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is so lame. Look, I don't know what you think you saw... Maybe the TV, or the reflection, or maybe you think that my body's just shaped like a boy, like I don't have hips or something." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no, no, no. You have a... a darling figure. I was just concerned that..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That hurts so much. This is the kind of thing that I expect from my mother, but not from my cool uncle, so thank you for all of your trust." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, I'm... sorry. Sorry. Haley : Unbelievable. You got to go. Dylan : Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Thank you. Thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad, I've never seen you sing before." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, you never saw me in the shower. And don't anybody go there." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Rob Lowe." }, { "from": "All", "value": "Where? Where? Where? Where?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, Rob Lowe from \"St. Elmo's fire.\" That was... that was my crush. I loved him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I get that. He was a good-looking kid." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Right?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. Hey, \"Walk like a man\"?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Well, I can sing it, but I can't do it. I think I just pulled something!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nurse!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Please tell me that you have my shoes." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why would I have your shoes?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Because I left them at your uncles's house last night." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? How could you leave without your shoes?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I go a lot of places without shoes. I'm not wearing shoes right now. Oh, wait. That's 'cause I left them at your uncles's house." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "This is a disaster!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Well, maybe they'll think they're theirs." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "They're gay. They know what shoes they own." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks a lot, Walt. You couldn't be nice to my parents for two seconds, so now I'm not allowed to hang out with you." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "What do you want from me?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I thought you were my friend. You promised to teach me how to grow tomatoes, and you were gonna take me for an egg cream." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Forget it. You're a little kid. I don't need the aggravation." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, sorry I \"aggravated\" you. And, just so you know, a lot of people think I'm adorable." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't open this." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe if you had gone to the concert instead..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Could you open it, please?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I would, but I'm old enough to know that I don't like opening aspirin bottles." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, dad!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How do you guys do it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I thought cops could drink. Listen, I just... I wanted to say I had such a good time with you last night, and I wanted to..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, hold on. I got call waiting. Yeah." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Woof, not a morning person. Good to know. Listen, I'm five away. I hope you like blueberry scones and dusty Springfield." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who is this?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Pepper, silly. It's gonna be a scorcher in the desert today, so dress accordingly. Oh, this is your street. See you in a minute." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Holy crap! That friend of yours, that Pepper. He's on his way over here. Why?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you made a date with him last night. Don't you remember?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Pepper", "value": "‑I'm telling you, I know a guy in Palm Springs who has every single vintage record known to man. I'm driving out there tomorrow. Come with me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's a date!" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "All right!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I was drunk. I'm not going shopping with Priscilla, Queen of the desert." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, dad. Well, I'm feeling really good about our relationship, and I want to hold on to that for a little while longer, so I'm gonna go ahead and hang up with you. Give Pepper a big kiss for me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, now, listen. I know that you're upset with me about that concert thing, and rightfully so, but you have to help me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It seems I made plans with Mitchell's friend Pepper." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's someone's name? Pepper?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's another guy named Longinus. But Pepper's gonna be here any second. He's gonna take me to Palm Springs to go shopping for records. Now, when he gets here, can you pretend there's some kind of an emergency? Can you do that, please?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Jay! I... I think you'll have to take me now to the hospital. My head is in pain. Do you mean like that?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes, thank you. Okay, it's showtime. And with this guy, I mean that literally." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "I'm here! Oh, my God. What I could do with this house. Hello, Jay. Mwah. Mwah. Chop, chop... it's a two-hour drive, not counting our stop at the outlet mall." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, okay. Um, Gloria, we're leaving!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hello. You must be Pepper. Ay, ay, ay. My head." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's the matter, Gloria?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, nothing. I just had a little ice cream. He hasn't stopped talking about you all day long." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why..." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Wow. You are stunning. How rich are you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you sure you're all right, Gloria?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I feel great, mi amor. I am so happy that he's doing this with you, because I never get him to do anything different, like the Vivaldi, hmm? I think he likes you more than me. You two have a great time together." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, but we got to be back early, because, you know, I got that work thing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, I canceled everything. You don't have anything. You can spend all day long with him." }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Wonderful. Well, shall we?" }, { "from": "Pepper", "value": "Oh, my God. Tallulah! Oh! Don't worry. She'll stop yapping when she gets on your lap." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, honey, come on. We're gonna be late." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "A herd of cows dropped dead for no reason. I'm not going anywhere. Get your affairs in order, people. This is the end." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't be ridiculous. There's nothing out there to be afraid of. Hey!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mr. Kleezak." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "I'm not used to waking up with people poking me. I was startled, you know." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're really sorry about that." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Yeah, well... these are onions from my garden." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wow. Thank you so much." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is so nice." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Yeah, well, don't go throwing any parades. They're onions." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh. Okay?" }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "I used to be a fireman, you know. I don't hurt kids." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sir, would you like to come in?" }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Just tell the boy that \"Shane\" is on today at 3:00. He should watch it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Maybe you could tell him yourself. He's... he's right upstairs. Hang on. Luke, honey, come on down! Your friend... Walt is here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is just so sweet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Well, just don't start dancing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "People can surprise you. You get used to thinking of them one way, stuck in their roles. They are what they are. And then they do something that shows you there's all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Are you talking about Rob Lowe?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm just saying he's a very versatile actor. I think his good looks have actually held him back." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I can relate to that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "We need to talk. I know I freaked out on you last night, but you have to see it from my point of view. You were totally spying on me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You were invading my first-amendment right to privacy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We were." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm sick and tired of people not trusting me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I get it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And especially you guys. I don't think of you guys as my uncles, I think of you as my friends. And if your friends don't believe in you, then what else do you have?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Dylan's shoes?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Please don't tell my mom." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Buckle up." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Excuse me, I'm so sorry. I never do this with celebrities, but are you by any chance the foxy mom on the New Horizon realty ad?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Am I gonna regret doing that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Did the mobile man have any regrets? This ad is perfect. See, I'm not just selling houses, I'm selling myself, and the best part about me is my family. And my teeth. And both... are on display in this ad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "\"I can't be satisfied until you're satisfied\"?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Coming soon to a bus bench near you, not to mention our minivan." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So that's really happening?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wait. What's happening to our minivan? Phil : Having this bad boy shrink-wrapped on it. Luke : Classy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. Now all that driving around your mom does will serve a purpose." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Good morning, family. How are you all doing on this beautiful day?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. What's this?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Haley's S.A.T. scores are available online." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I hate you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Today's the big day. Let's take a look, see how she did." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do we really have to look at them now?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't worry. We're not expecting any miracles." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are those Haley's scores? Are you sure?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why? Are they bad? Claire : No, they're not bad. Alex : Are they good?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, they're average. Sweetie, we did it. Our baby's average." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Medium five!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "This is just a fluke. She can take them again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, and she'll probably do even better. You are gonna have your choice of some pretty good colleges when the time comes." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "If I go to college." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I've been thinking about it lately, and I might... not. Later!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Well, we took the scenic route, but we ended up in the same place." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam recently became Franklin Middle School's interim musical director." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Go, Franklin! I was volunteering for their spring musical festival when their regular director suddenly and mysteriously became ill." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It may have been a blessing. Their show lacked focus. I gave it a theme... \"A musical trip around the world.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, see, he focused it by making it about the world." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You don't like it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No... Cam. I do. Do you... do you think that the kids, though, are gonna be able to learn it by tonight? I mean, maybe you should stick with something that they already know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I knew this would happen. Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I do not." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You do it all the time. And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams. I heard it as soon as I said it. Just leave it alone." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, well, Cam, it's just that sometimes you can be a little, you know, overenthusiastic." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Is it really that big of a deal that I want this to be the best show in the world?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, as long as you heard me. Cameron : Be in my corner. Don't be so critical. Mitchell : We... is that really how you see me? Cameron : Sometimes, yeah, I do, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Cam, well, if... if that's true, then I'm... I'm sorry. No, you know, okay, from now on, I am in your corner 100%. Yeah, that song is gonna knock everyone out." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I don't know, but wait till you see the dance I have prepared." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "A dance? A dance!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "More toast, Manny?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why won't you call me, Emma?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "More toast, Emma?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Do you have to be on all the time?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, I'm sorry. Who is this Emma?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She's in the show with me tonight. I'm thinking of taking a run at her." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You don't \"take a run\" at a woman. You woo her. You make her feel special." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, hon, take a look at this. It's a picture of my butt." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And then when you get her, you can tell her whatever you want. Why do you do this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I programmed it so my butt pops up when my brother Donnie calls. It's a clever way of saying my brother's an ass." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's him. Compose yourselves. Forget I showed you this picture." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm trying." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How you doing, you dumb son of a bitch?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "You old mick. Looks like you've put on a few pounds." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, you too. What, are you eating your hair?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Oh, Gloria. Oh. What are you still doing here? There's got to be an easier way to get a green card." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Uncle Donnie, are you coming to my school concert tonight?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Well..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's an hour, tops." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "...wouldn't miss it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you know, I think I misplaced my phone. Could you call me on yours?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "My phone's at the bottom of my bag. Why don't you use your home phone?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, come on. It's simple." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "What are you doing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I want the phone." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "How about you let go, you..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Give me the phone, Donnie!" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "You still think you can take me?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? Is this all you got, huh?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "I'm gonna wash your mouth out with fist." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't understand this relationship, Emma." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Emma. Doing this show, it feels like we've become like a little family, huh?" }, { "from": "Emma", "value": "You mean like you're my brother?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. N... no, I don't!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, no! They're back... dinosaur arms!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "This isn't a good time, Luke." }, { "from": "Emma", "value": "That is hilarious." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Half boy, half T-Rex. One foot in both worlds, wanted by neither." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Luke, that's a great way to stretch out a shirt." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, okay! Break's over, everyone! Let's take it from the top. Listen, we're running 20 minutes long, so we're gonna go ahead and cut the Bollywood number." }, { "from": "Delroy", "value": "Can I go? I'm late for soccer practice." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know who else missed soccer practice, Delroy? The cast of \"Rent.\" And now they have a Tony." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We have a Tony. Emma : You are so funny. Manny : Seriously?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, honey. Did they drop the van off yet?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, a little while ago." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How's it look?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, well, believe it or not, I have resisted the temptation to look. This whole Haley thing has got me a little preoccupied. We're on our way out to lunch right now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "About that, I've been thinking, college is still a ways away. I say we leave Haley alone. The more we push, the more she'll push back." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm gonna push." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And I support that." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Only dad can make our minivan even lamer." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Excuse me. What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm driving this thing to the reservoir. Just jump when I say jump." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, slide over." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "How is this stupid ad supposed to sell houses anyway?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You heard your father. He's not just selling houses... he's selling us." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What are my friends gonna think?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They are gonna think that you're helping your father put food on the table." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, is the chair broken?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Almost. That cheap, freeloading brother of mine can't keep his hands off my good scotch, so, you see, I placed that scotch there. My brother sits in this chair, goes out from under him... Bam! Masterpiece." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So you make your brother fall and spill his drink?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I don't want to jinx it, but that's the plan." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why are you both so mean? Where I come from, brothers respect each other. That's why Colombia is such a peaceful utopia." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Hello, ladies." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, nice shirt. Do they sell men's clothes where you got that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's funny because women are so inferior." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "You got no taste. I bought this for Melanie's baptism." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who's Melanie?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Michael's kid, my granddaughter. Oh, I forgot to tell Irene I landed safely. Hello?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How could you not know that your own brother had a granddaughter?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I probably knew." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How can you forget when he's family? I have 29 cousins, and I know them all... Rosa Marina, Gloria Maria, Veronica Maria, Jose Vicente..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, okay, okay. What's your point?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You do the chair, you do the fighting, but you don't know each other. It's sad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, I may not talk to my brother the way you talk to your sisters, but believe me, we're close in our own way." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "When was the last time that you saw him?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, that's not easy, 'cause he lives up... Huh. See, I want to say Buffalo." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "All I'm saying is that there's no downside to more education." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I knew this car ride was a trap." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "See that? That right there shows me just how smart you are. Really? Again? What is going on?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's the stupid ad. They're honking on my side, too." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Yes, we're the people in the ad. Yeah. Hi. Hey. Another great thing about college... complete independence." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'd have that in an apartment." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Donnie", "value": "All right! You in the mood to lose?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "First time for everything. You break. So, how's work? Donnie : Don't worry, moneybags. I'm not here for a loan. Jay : Nice break." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "All right, you're solids, which you won't be able to eat in a few years." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Right, right. Seriously, though, how are things going with you?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Swell. I'm beating a fat guy at pool right now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Donnie, I'm trying to talk to you." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why? 'Cause that's what people do. Talk about things, like their lives." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Oh, Irene opened her big trap. Look, I'm fine. It's not like I'm gonna die." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Yeah, they caught it early. I took the treatment. I'm clear for now. Come on. It's your shot." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Caught what early? Donnie, are you talking about... cancer?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "You don't have to whisper. I know I got it. You just get your prostate checked... by a doctor, not some guy you met on the Internet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't believe you didn't tell me this." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Because it's not a big deal. Now, listen. It's just between us. Oh, God. Irene, how the hell do I know where your glasses are?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "And there's frisbee golf, and... and you go snow-sledding on cafeteria trays. Oh, and you all get a dog together. I don't really know who takes care of the dog during the summer, but he's there when you get back." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Geez, maybe you should just go back to college." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, do you know what I would give to go back? It's this moment when your whole life is in front of you, and it's a magical time. You don't want to miss that, because when it's gone, it's gone." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on, Alex. Bus is leaving." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, your phone's been buzzing like crazy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweet Lorna Doone! 19 missed calls? I wonder who's... Phil Dunphy. You saw the ad? Great. Do you know what you're looking for? The little one? I think I know which one you're talking about. Um, if you're interested, I also have an older model with a lot of character. What? I think the carpet matches the drapes. I haven't checked in a while. Both of them? Wow. Well, I guess that makes sense if you're planning to flip one. Listen, um, why don't I call you back? We'll set up an appointment. It'll give me a chance to give them both a good scrubbing. All right. Thanks a lot. Bye-bye. How about that, huh? You think all these calls are about the ad?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah. My friend Nicole just sent me a picture of the van." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I guess I'll be seeing you Wednesdays and every other weekend." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, um, you sound very angry, which is completely understandable." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not angry. I'm just sitting here thinking about college and how life has passed me by." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And as the music swells, we reveal our letters spelling \"we love the world.\" Powerful stuff. And then the majestic Franklin Middle School insignia will drop into position if Reuben ever finishes painting it. It's not the Sistine Chapel, Reuben." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Surprise! Hey! Your supportive boyfriend dropped by to bring you a snack. P.B. and J." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Pear, brie, and jambon. My favorite! Okay, people, let's take five. A true five." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Manny. How's it going?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Good, great, couldn't be better. Can we, uh..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, we can, uh... all right." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's up?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, you got to talk to Cam. He's driving us crazy. Kevin is biting his nails again, and Reuben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, um, Manny, I... I can't get involved. But... all right, if you have to say something, just tell Bob Fussy that he's overdoing it and you want to go back to your old stuff." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, break's over, people! I want to do the French Revolution number again. Let's bring out the guillotine. Carefully this time." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, no, no." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We don't want to do the new stuff. We want to stop rehearsing and go back to the old way, Bob Fussy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I... I don't know where this is coming from." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You all feel this way?" }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I had no idea. I had no idea I was surrounded by a bunch of quitters. This production was a joke until I introduced these children to the musical-theater greats... Bernstein, Sondheim. Years from now, some of these kids will still be talking about the way I Sondheim-ized them." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ooh, I'm don't think that's a good way of saying... okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You want to do it the old way with the same tired songs, the same drab choreography, the same tepid applause from mom and dad? Is that what you want? Just say the word." }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "That's what we want." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, too bad, people! We're doing it my way! From the top! This is a closed rehearsal. March." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, honey. What are you doing out here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, just waiting for you 'cause I love you. Haley, come out this side." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "'Cause it's fun. Try it. Yeah, the doors slide, the seats slide. What can't the Sienna do?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That was fun." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Right? Let's go see a show!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, we need to close the door." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, with the key. I like to see how far I can get from the car and still make it work." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Listen, honey, honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let me ask you something. Okay, I need you to be really honest with me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, you ca... yes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are my best years behind me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? No. The trick is to keep looking forward. Here we go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, yes, for sure. Claire : You feel good? Phil : Yeah, I..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello, and welcome, everyone. And latecomers. I hope you enjoy the show tonight. I think you will agree it has a certain flair that has been lacking from this stage in years past. So, please, I invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy this musical trip around the world!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wow. Growing up in America sure is great, but I wish I knew more about the world." }, { "from": "Delroy", "value": ": Me too." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think I've got an idea. See you later, friend." }, { "from": "Delroy", "value": "Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "To see the world! China looks interesting. I think I'll land here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Bring him down! Bring him down! Just go with it. Hit it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Oh. Hey. Come on. Geez, come on, Jay. You're in the theater. Try your jacket pocket." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sorry, folks. Nice. He taped it shut." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, that's enough. Ay! Stupid! You too!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't hit him. He has cancer." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "China sure was fun. And look, there's merry old England." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Has anyone here ever seen a globe?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Full steam ahead! Ahead!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just sing." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, joy to salt-swept eyes fair England, do I see..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sorry about what I said to Gloria, okay? Just came out. Let's go back inside." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Hit me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "You heard me. Hit me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not gonna hit you, Donnie." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Yeah, well, that's the whole damn point. As soon as you heard I was sick, you treated me different. Let me tell you, I get enough of that at home." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry. I feel a little bad for you, okay? I know we don't say this much, but, uh... I care for you, you know?" }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "Do you think I don't know that crap? I have known you cared about me since we were 8 and 10 years old and that mook Joey Calieri stole my bike and you put his head in the ice." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What was that he said again? Donnie : Um, \"I can't hear no more.\" Jay : \"I can't hear no more!\" Oh, Don." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Your staging is all over the place. The kids are exhausted. You're making it all about you. No intermission. What, are we animals? I..." }, { "from": "Donnie", "value": "I'm gonna be fine. I got great doctors. The kids call me every day. Irene even lost 20 pounds due to stress." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good for you. You promise me you'll get that liver checked out. Ah, there's nothing wr... Come on, Donna. Suck it up. We're missing my kid's show." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Donnie", "value": "You son of a bitch." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, all right. That one was my fault, but Joan of Arc's gonna be just fine." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's not gonna be much fun doing the show without Emma." }, { "from": "Delroy", "value": "Maybe we should just stop this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. No. There is a saying in the theater world that..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "\"It's not worth dying for\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, it's that \"endings make shows.\" And we've got a great ending. Now get out there and sing your hearts out. Oh, not you, sweetie. You just mouth the words. Okay." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Uncle Cam, both my legs are tingly." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, we'll cut you down in just a second, Luke, okay? The show must go on. Have fun with it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Learning about the world sure was fun. But I'm glad to have my feet back on the ground again. Oh, Egypt is a land where the pyramids stand which were built by industrious Jews and windmills go around in Holland town where they all wear wooden shoes these are the things we learned today and there's one last thing we want to say" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"We love the word\" Cameron : Where's the \"L\"? Manny : That's Luke." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lower the insignia. Lower it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"We love the... \" What the hell?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no, no. No, no. No, no, no. No. No, no, no. No." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Brava!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, where have you been?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, just getting some fresh air." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Got it. Ready to go? Hey, look up at the moon. Would you say that's waxing or waning? Who cares? We can spend all night looking..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"I can't be satisfied\"?! My God, Phil. That makes me look like a prostitute." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Yes, it does." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "More of an escort, really. You're just selling your time. Whereas a prostitute just..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, Phil. I have been driving around in this all day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, since you're mad already, why don't you just step over here and have a look at that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God. My baby." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I am not getting back in that car!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, how do you think you're gonna get home, honey?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's what it should say on the van." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex. I can't believe we trusted you to put this on the car after the debacle of that last picture." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Damn it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And that... who was that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Probably another..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I think the word you're looking for is \"John.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Get in the minivan. You mean to tell me that people have actually been calling about this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There are a lot of creeps out there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's disgusting. She's a child." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, to be fair, most of them were for you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, it's still sick. What do you mean, \"most\"?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I don't know. There were 30 calls. You got 20 or 25 of them." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And they... ask for me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They asked for the hot blonde." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm. Men are pigs. Did they call me anything else?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, thanks to all the perverts in town, I realized I still have a few good years ahead of me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And if we have one person to thank for that, it would be me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Was it as awful as I think?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Take the flowers." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It must have been really hard for you to be supportive while I made a fool out of myself." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, come here. Luke, do you mind? We're trying to have a moment here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "In his eyes?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Okay. We'll get a janitor." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Want some coffee?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Say yes. It's French press. I was doubtful, too, but I honestly can't see myself going back to drip." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm so happy you don't live in a tough neighborhood anymore." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're so sorry for just dropping by like this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you kidding me? I'll take any chance to spend time with this little princess. I love her little hair, her little toes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And she loves her grandmother." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't love \"grandmother.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, Cam and I have been revising our will to specify who should take care of Lily if, God forbid, something happened to us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "God forbid." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I said \"God for...\" So, we've been dropping by unannounced to, you know, casually assess our candidates." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not all of our candidates." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's \"Missouri.\" No one from Missouri would say \"Missour-ah.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm so sorr-ah. So, anyway, Claire and Phil were our first thought, so we dropped by their place last week." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You win the award for worst mother ever!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I will be sure to thank you in my speech! Phil, the frying pan's on fire!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Son of Jor-El! Everybody stay calm!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, I'm gonna teach myself how to juggle." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good for you, buddy." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom! No one heard me screaming?! I've been trapped in the garage for like 20 minutes!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And yet still you didn't get the rat traps I sent you for." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Honey, it's doing it again!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on, now! Every morning?! Haley : I hope the whole house burns down! Mitchell : Did we come at a bad time?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come back in seven years and five months, when they're all gone!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, mama, you're good for coal?! Okay, okay! Well, you bundle up! We don't want to lose you! Okay. Yeah, bye! They're in the middle of a terrible blizzard." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So you shouted!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Did they really lose two cows?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, frozen solid. Mama's gonna send pictures." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yay, a reason to stop by the frame store." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny, I got to get you down to that sporting-goods place. Got to get him some stuff for his weekend outing." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Ready! Jay : Did you pee? Manny : Not ready." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jay, would you mind if we came?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sure, why not?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I'd like to get mama some snowshoes... You know, to lift her spirits, what with all the frozen cows and all." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, cows freeze now? Are we all just accepting that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, absolutely. Jay, this one time..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We'll take two cars." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If you want, I can stay with the little princess." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, that... that's a great idea." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, I'll just... I'll just go out and get her bag." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Maybe I can take her to the mall, buy her a new outfit, get her some hair rings... Is that okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, yes, of course. Um, you know, Gloria, Cam and I were talking about what would happen to Lily if anything were ever to happen to us, and we were thinking..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, my God. ¡sí, sí, sí! I take her!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, that's very sweet, but you realize it would only happen..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I can't wait!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, hopefully, it's a long shot." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, a little girl!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There would have to be a very tragic accident." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know, I know. Nothing is going to happen." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But if it did, we would be so happy! ¡Ay!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, what do you say, pal? I got to swing by the office. You want to come along?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Can't. We got some stuff to do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Just errands." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, mom, check it out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "If I move my head fast enough, it looks like the can is standing still." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "'Cause sometimes I wonder." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But all the girls at work love it when I bring Luke by, especially that receptionist Heather, right, buddy?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "She smells amazing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Well, honey, you're gonna have to smell daddy's receptionist some other time." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Like peaches." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "If you're both going out, who's taking me to cello?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "One time, she gave me a Woody." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweet Je..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "She remembered he's my favorite character from \"Toy Story.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She did. Uh... Haley, how are you getting to the mall?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, Gabby's picking me up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, you're gonna drop your sister off at her cello lesson first." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No way. She plays lacrosse and takes cello lessons. Even my reputation can't handle that dork hit." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, well, then you don't need to go snowboarding with your friends on break." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Fine, I'll take her. Just never look my friends in the eye, and only speak in emergencies." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Got it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ah! Already failed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, after I go by the office, maybe we can grab some lunch." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I can't. I got to pick up all that stuff for the school trip. But you know what? I'll see you tonight at dad and Gloria's." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Smell Heather for me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I always do... not." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "Ms. Dunphy?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, Dr. Klausner. I am so sorry we're late. We just got a little bit caught up in..." }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "Oh, no, it's okay. It's okay. It gave me a chance to chat with your husband." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hello, Claire." }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "So, Luke, come on in with me. Mom and dad, we'll let you know when we need you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Go get 'em, pal." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How did you..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How did I what? Know you were someplace you left no trace of except for a tiny notation in your calendar? It was quite simple, really. I noticed a tiny nota... Shoot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's weird. My cello teacher's car's in here. I wonder if she's not home." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, so go knock on the door, Alan Einstein." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Don't leave. And it's \"Albert.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I know. Alan's his dorky brother who played the cello." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Good one." }, { "from": "Gabby", "value": "I should probably not be telling you this." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gabby", "value": "Nothing. It's really bad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Tell me." }, { "from": "Gabby", "value": "When you and Dylan were broken up, Rachel told him you were a skank and got all up on him." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No! But she's so nice to me." }, { "from": "Gabby", "value": "To your face. That's how she plays." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, now she's gonna see how we play. What are we gonna do?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She's not there. You're just gonna have to take me home." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We don't have time. We have stuff to do." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Then I'm just gonna have to come with you." }, { "from": "Gabby", "value": "Can't we just drop her off at a coffee shop or something?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What, so she gets kidnapped and I get in trouble? No, thank you. Okay, fine, you can come with us, but you have to keep your mouth shut about anything you see." }, { "from": "Gabby", "value": "What's she gonna see?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just drive!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ooh, maybe I should also get a gift for my aunt Pat. Have I ever told you about her? Total gun nut, lives completely off the grid." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did you see how cute Gloria was with Lily?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, Pat is hilarious. I don't think she's paid taxes in 20 years, but very hospitable. Always has a deer in the freezer." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Would you listen to me? I think that Gloria and my dad could be Lily's guardians." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look, you know I love Jay, and they're still in the mix, but I just don't know about him raising a child." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, Cam, he raised me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, now you've put me in an awkward position. Oh, look at that. That's adorable." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's see if we can get you some snow pants." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I just wish I felt better. I think I'm coming down with flu- like symptoms." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Couple of hours before your camping trip, huh?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I want to go. It's just, if I'm sick, I might get the chaperones sick, and without chaperones, it's anarchy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny, listen to me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "The buddy system falls apart, the principle of \"last in, first out\" is ignored." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's butterflies." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Where?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're just nervous because there's gonna be a lot of physical activity, which is not exactly your strong suit." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It is a little daunting out there." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "D... don't use the word \"daunting\" in nature, okay? You just need a little self-confidence. Look at this. They got one of these rock walls here. Why don't you hop up on that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why? To prove that you can do it. If you can do that, you can do anything." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Really? Can I fly? Can I speak Chinese?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, but you can sleep in the house tonight. Ace? Want to wire my boy up, here? Go ahead." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry I went behind your back. But you get so defensive whenever we talk about Luke's issues." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He doesn't have issues. You're just a worrier. Like when you thought he was never gonna talk." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He was 2, and all he could do was bark!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I understood him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look, he starts coming here, the other kids find out, he becomes a target, like that limping gazelle at the watering hole that the alligator knows to eat." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They're crocodiles, not alligators. There are no alligators in Africa." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How about at the zoo? Bam! Who needs a shrink now?" }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "Mr. and Mrs. Dunphy?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes? Hi." }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "Luke, I'm gonna talk to your mom and dad for a minute, okay?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay. She's, like, the best doctor ever. A couple of puzzles, no shots. I didn't even have to take my pants off. Found that one out a little late." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I've been there, buddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mwah!" }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "Well, Luke's a terrific kid. I have a few thoughts, but, honestly, I don't see anything that's cause for alarm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Awesome. Thanks so much for your time." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We... we would love to hear your thoughts." }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "Well... he's a bright and curious boy, but he gets distracted." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "I see it all the time with above-average kids." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Phil, honey, I want you to hear this." }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "They're a little overstimulated because there are so many things they're interested in. They never seem to focus." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Makes me crazy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Too crazy." }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "Well, they usually do outgrow it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What if they don't?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "He will. Well, there's... there's medication, but why don't we cross that bridge if we come to it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is there any way to avoid that bridge altogether? You know, maybe there's diet or... or focusing exercises or something?" }, { "from": "Dr. Klausner", "value": "Mrs. Dunphy, what exactly are you worried about?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Get comfortable." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm worried he's turning into you, Phil." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I knew the minute I opened my mouth that I was in the wrong, but, honestly, sometimes I wonder about him." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, mom, check it out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "If I move my head fast enough, it looks like the can is standing still." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's totally right!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I just find it interesting that you blame Jay for everything from your night terrors to your shy bladder, and now he's the perfect guardian for Lily." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, not perfect, and... and I never said anything about my shy bladder." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "O... oh. Then why did I have to stand guard outside the bathroom at Pepper's three faces of new year's Eve party?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Damn it, Manny! Move it! Go!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's scary." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're 2 feet off the ground. I've seen vines climb walls faster than that. Move your butt!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, there's your esteem-building parent right there. Wait, wait, I think I hear future Lily sending us a message" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm getting down." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not till you touch the top! What is it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, maybe if we didn't bully Manny so much, but, rather, showed him, he wouldn't be so afraid. Excuse me, sherpa, can you assist me with the harness?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no. Which one of these is my driving machine?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, I already apologized. It just... it came out wrong." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Funny, I thought that was my problem... I came out wrong. Hold on. Oh, good, I can walk again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you know, sometimes you can act a little bit..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no! Where did everyone go?! Oh, just a blink." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, when you are ready to talk to me like an adult, why don't you let me know?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fine. Okay, okay. The adults are the big ones, right?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, how do you think that got up there? Uh-oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Now, I know it seems daunting, Manny, but it's very simple. I'm securely hitched to a rope, which means I'm not going to fall." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, dad, you're really making my life difficult right now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "By barking at Manny like a drill sergeant when I'm trying to convince Cam that you'd be a great guardian for Lily." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Guardian?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're kidding." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Aah! Jay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, never mind." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That really hurt!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "This is a mistake." }, { "from": "Gabby", "value": "Why does she keep saying that?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Because they're the first words she ever heard." }, { "from": "Gabby", "value": "Here, you go first." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "This will teach that skank a lesson." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Shaving cream in her locker?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just stand over there and yell if someone's coming." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She might have homework assignments in there she hasn't handed in yet. Haley! Someone's coming!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Run! This way, this way!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, okay, okay! Where are we?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Boys' locker room." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It smells like feet. Haley : That's not feet. Okay. Alex : I'm so scared." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just go to your happy place." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We just broke into my happy place." }, { "from": "Guardian", "value": "Who's there?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Shh, shh, shh, shh! Go, go, run, run! Not so loud! Run! Run!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, how you doing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, not good. I'm just glad my clown training prepared me to take a fall like that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, and in terms of talking about it, are we looking at weeks, months?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do not minimize it, you, who I had to rush to the emergency room that time you fell out of your clogs." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There's your bubbly water with lemon." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Thank you, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How you doin'?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, it's hard to tell. You know, anytime you have a catastrophic injury to your lumbar area..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I could use a little piece of lumbar myself right now." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I hope you're comfortable now making my family Lily's guardians." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "¡Hola, hola!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're forgetting about Gloria. Even you have to admit how amazing she is with Lily." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm! Look who's so pretty!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Gloria, what did you do?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What I told you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You pierced her ears?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What I said... I was going to make her pretty with earrings." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I thought you said \"hair rings.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What are hair rings?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, Mitchell, what are hair rings?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Something that you would tie your hair back... She said it!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I didn't say \"hair rings.\" I said \"earrings.\" You don't like?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Of course not. You punctured our daughter! Oh!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But did you see both sides? I didn't just do the gay ear. Look." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I actually... I think we're good. Let's just wait in here for Gabby, okay?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my God! I can't believe we just did that. Can you believe we just did that?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, we had a lot of fun. Let's not geek it up." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Wait. What if I have a taste for it now? Am I gonna start doing stuff like that all the time?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Calm down. You just did one bad thing." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Two. I skipped my cello lesson today. That wasn't even where my teacher lives." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You ditched a class?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Well, I... I didn't have time to practice because of lacrosse and debate team and..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do you even like playing the cello?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Alex?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I hate it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So quit." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I've never quit anything." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You've never broke into a school before. Just did that." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No offense, but the family's hopes and dreams are kind of pinned on me." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm just saying that no one would blame you if you stopped being so perfect. It actually would take a lot of pressure off of me. I did something bad, too... Something that nobody knows." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Come here. I can't say it too loud, okay?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What did you do?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, I'm just not sure you understand why I said what I said." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There are qualities about me you wish you could change, but you can't 'cause I'm all grown up, but it's not too late for Luke." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Honey, there are a hundred things about Luke that he gets from you that I absolutely love. It's just this... this one tiny part that I'm sure if I could just get in there and just... ee!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire... he's a great kid. He's gonna be fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. I think I know. I feel terrible that we fought in front of him. Did he say anything about that on the drive here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How would I know? He rode with you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He didn't drive with me. He drove with you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just admit it... you want Lily raised by anyone but my family." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's just so far away from everything she knows. And then there's the crazy aunts and the frozen cows." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, please, in the last hour, your father publicly shamed Manny, dropped me from the sky, while his wife drilled holes in our baby's head. Oh!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Which is why I think we should revisit Claire and Phil." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Where are my keys?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We left Luke alone in a parking garage!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We don't know the whole story." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't we?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whose car are we taking?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Then I'm driving!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, mom." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buddy!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buddy! Lukey?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you so much. Honey, get out of there." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you! I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We are so sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, buddy, you must've been so scared." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, what happened?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, I knew you'd come back. Then you didn't. So I had to go find a phone. That's when I saw a stray dog and I played with him for a while. Then I thought I saw Mrs. Morgan, my first-grade teacher, going into a church. It wasn't her, but there was a wedding there. That's where I met the Litvaks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much. Congratul... tov. Mwah!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, baby." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Can I go get a drink?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, you can." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, you can! You can drink whatever you want! Of course you can. There's tons of soda in there. Ohh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What an amazing kid! I can't believe I ever worried about him out in the world. That's what I do, though, isn't it? I worry. I worry... I think about a tiny, little thing, and then I obsess on it, until, suddenly, it's the only thing I can think about. God, please don't let me screw up our son." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, hey. You know why else he's gonna be okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because somewhere out there is a worried little girl who's making lists and labeling bins, and he's gonna find her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Now, that's not anything you need to worry about, Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I just think you're being too hard on him. We had a little chat in the car." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm sorry I let you down, Jay. I'm starting to think if I couldn't even get up that wall, then why am I even going on this..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Knock it off, Manny. We both know you could get up that wall. Now, why are you trying to get out of this trip?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm not. I'm excited to go..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay. I have some concerns about the shower situation." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh. Because?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, I'm pretty much at my target weight." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's good." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "But the thing is, I haven't quite reached my target height." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, first of all, you don't have to go. I'll write you a note. We'll plan on doing something fun this weekend." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You bet." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And you're not mad at me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, if you were a different kid, I'd give you the speech... You know, \"we all have insecurities. You've got to be brave here.\" But let's face it... you're already about the bravest kid I know." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I am?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on. You wear blazers to school. You play the pan flute. You... you read poetry to girls. I couldn't even talk to girls when I was your age. The shower thing's nothing compared to all that. So, whatever you decide, I'm behind you. No, I got that set up just right. I told you about that before." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jay said that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, and he wasn't drinking or anything." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, what are you gonna do?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I think I'm gonna go. I mean, if Reuben can go with that extra nipple..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm proud of you, Manny. You're doing the right thing, trust me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I mean, what were you thinking, Gloria?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Mitch, I said I was sorry. But I had them since I was 2... huge ones." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What is she..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Earrings, Phil. Earrings." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitch, I just wanted to tell you how really touched I was you'd want me to be Lily's guardian." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, you're welcome. And you're out." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me. I have a very important announcement to make." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Sorry. Sorry, so rude. Totally inexcusable. Yello!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell and I have decided that if, God forbid, anything should happen to us..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You don't have to do this right now." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. We would like to Jay and Gloria to be Lily's guardians." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's the right decision." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That is great news! Lily, when something horrible happens, you're going to be all mine!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It really is an \"if\" situation." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "All mine!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't mean to ruin this really beautiful moment, but were Phil and I even considered for the position?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I mean, we are the parents of three healthy, well-adjusted children who..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, we need to go down to the police station. Our daughters just vandalized the school." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is not over." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Let's go see your new room, Liliana." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, that's not her name." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, hey, what are you doing home?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I bailed on yoga." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, could you go to the mailbox and get me..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, why can't I just come in?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You can. I just..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cameron?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What? Mitchell : Look at me. Cameron : I am." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What did you do?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I am home alone for a lot of hours." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Carmen Miranda?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I just wanted a couple before the holes closed up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cameron. Oh. All right, just get one with me really quick." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. All right. Hey! One for daddy! Whoo!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Here she comes." }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "Happy mother's day! Aahhhh!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What are you wearing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't remember this shirt? You made it for me for mother's day in kindergarten. It's adorable." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's perverted. It looks like you were felt up by that creepy guy around the corner." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ew! Why him?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "'Cause he's got, like, freakishly tiny hands." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I cannot believe you kept that shirt." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Of course I kept it. I'm your mother. I keep everything you make me." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Please take that off." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, when I'm dead. Today is my special day, and I am gonna enjoy me some coffee." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You know that's a pencil holder, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I do now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go first." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, you can go first." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny, go first!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, Jay, you go first." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, somebody give me a present! Oh, Jay, a diamond necklace! Thank you!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You deserve it. Go ahead, kid." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Happy mother's day, mom." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh. A necklace made of the froot loops! I love it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I know they're not exactly diamonds, mom." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, they're beautiful." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what? I got a confession to make. Those aren't real diamonds. No. Here, give them back. I'll get you some real ones later." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Dang it. Now I got to come clean. These aren't real froot loops. They're generic." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hey. Now I have no presents again." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Good morning!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He-e-e-y! Hey, what's this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I know you've had some late nights with Lily, and this is just my way of saying \"thank you\" and \"I love you.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And this is just the beginning. Yeah, 'cause today is your day." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Today?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All day." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Today. Today is my day. Mitchell : Something's happening. Cameron : It mother's day, Mitchell. Mitchell : So?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're bringing me breakfast in bed on mother's day." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, no, no, this is not a mother's day breakfast." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is breakfast that happens to be on... You think of me as Lily's mother! I'm your wife! I'm a woman!!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Somebody got new curtains." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, Mrs. Pritchett loves to shop. Oh, we're never gonna be done by 6:00. Better call home. The wife's not gonna like this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can't eat!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you know what? If you can't accept the nice gesture, then just forget it. Okay, scratch the balloons. She is in a mood." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "♪ I know you want to leave me ♪ but I refuse to..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We're not doing that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "You know there are coyotes in these woods? Did you pack a weapon?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I have a walking stick." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Does it become a sword?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I guess it could become a running stick." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "All right, you're gonna outrun a coyote? The fastest mammal in the world?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm not sure that's true. And how are you gonna fend them off with a popsicle stick?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's a spear. And it smells like lemon-lime, a flavor coyotes hate." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Where are you getting your information?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "How much farther?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I'd like to go far enough that we can't still see our car in the parking lot." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm getting dust in my mouth. Gloria : You have to appreciate nature. Claire : Yes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Soon, this will be the mall." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'll come then." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm hungry. I say we eat what we kill. Manny : Oh, then I guess we'll be eating the mood. Luke : I don't get you at all." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ugh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, is that the party over there?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know. I'm a woman, remember? I have a terrible sense of direction." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "May I remind you that my big crime was making you fluffy pancakes, okay? I'm getting a little sick of you dwelling on this. It happens to be mother's day, not martyr's day." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell. I'm sorry. It's just a sensitive issue for me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There's nothing gays hate more than when people... Treat us like women." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "...treat us like women." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're not. We don't want to go to your baby shower. We don't have a time of the month. We don't love pink." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you love pink. Cameron : No, pink loves me. Mitchell : Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jen", "value": "Hey, guys!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey! So..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's Jen, husband Rick, baby Diego. I don't get it either." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Jen. Let me help you with that." }, { "from": "Jen", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Rick! How you doing?" }, { "from": "Jen", "value": "We should do play group on weekends more often. It's nice to have the husbands around to help, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, because that makes all the sense in the world... you as the husband." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop it. That's not what she meant." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look at us. I could snap you like a twig." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, every once in a while you say that thing about the twig, and I need you to know that it bothers me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sorry." }, { "from": "Rick", "value": "Okay, everybody, happy mother's day! I know I speak for all the guys when I say thank you for everything you do while we're off having affairs. I'm kidding. I'll pay for that later. Uh, let's get the moms and kids together for a picture!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, let's go. Let's get out of here. Leave the stroller and run." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, stop. No one's going to ask you to..." }, { "from": "Jen", "value": "Cameron, get on up here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know. You guys just go ahead." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jen", "value": "You're an honorary mom!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I don't know. Uh, okay, all right. Unhand me." }, { "from": "Rick", "value": "Get over there. That's... that's... Okay, tighten up, tighten up. Up here, ladies! Beautiful. One more, gals. Oh, thanks, ladies. Thanks so much. Perfect." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, that was definitely poison oak. I think this rash is spreading." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, that's not a rash. It's red because you scratch it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I just don't want my throat to close." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wouldn't be the worst thing." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm so bored, I'd rather be reading." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm so bored, I chewed the last bug that flew in my mouth just to feel something." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm so bored, I'm talking to you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ugh! Okay! For the last 20 minutes, all you people have done is whine! You would think on mother's day, at least, you would have something nice to say..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Shh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thought I heard a coyote. Go ahead." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "God, Luke, you're such an idiot. Luke : At least I don't look like an idiot. Alex : What does that mean?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Your hat. It's like you walked under a bird that poops ugly hats." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can we watch the language?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "There's nothing else to watch." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Enough complaining! You can't bitch all day because you're not at the beach all day. Come on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, no. I-I'm giving myself a mother's day present. Kids, your hike is over." }, { "from": "Kids", "value": "Yes! Yeah!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! No, not happy. Bad. Sad. Mm. Gloria and I are gonna go finish this beautiful hike together while you sit here and think about how selfish and thoughtless you've been. Come on." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "If we're thoughtless, how can we think?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You just lost your water. Let's go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell are those?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Onion goggles. No more tears when I cook. Welcome to the 21st century. You should get a pair." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I was gonna suggest the same thing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Jay, you know what we should put in this? We should add a da..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. It's my mom's recipe. What it says on the page goes in the pot. Nothing more, nothing less. Now, how long do I stir the beef and sausages? Read it to me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You should stir the beef and sausages for five minutes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And how much longer do I have to listen to the Julia Child impression?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "For as long as it's still funny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think the timer just went off on that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That was unnecessary. What's this? What?! Hey, Jay, maybe after this, we should make \"The perfect mom.\" All we need is \"a tablespoon of love, 1 cup of warmth, add one heart, softened.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This recipe for the perfect mom, by Jay Francis Pritchett, age nine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Geez, I forgot all about that. I didn't know she had that in there." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's that, Francis?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing. How much longer on the meat?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aw. I love the part about \"serves one small boy.\" That's adorable. Wow. \"175 pounds of tenderness.\" She must have loved that. Big woman? Jay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay... Are... are you crying?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No! It's the onions, damn it. Give me these." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What are you lookin' at?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Those really frame your face." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Wow. Beautiful." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, thank you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I don't want you to judge me, but I have to say something. Sometimes, I want to punch my kids." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You don't mean that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I do. I do. The last time they were horrible the way they were today, they happened to be all lined up. And I couldn't help but think, \"if I hit just one of them, the rest would go down like dominos.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Eee." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. That would rob me of the pleasure of hitting each one individually, but..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, my God, you don't talk about your children this way." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, come on. You know Manny irritates you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. Manny is the best thing that ever happened to me. We have a special bond." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, bonds. I know. But that's not what I'm talking about now." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Claire, for a long time, it was only the two of us. I cannot say anything bad about that boy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Give a break, Gloria! Anybody who's ever had a kid knows that they can irritate the freaking life out of you at some point. Am I right? Oh. Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's persnickety." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny. He's persnickety. It drives me up the wall." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, persnickety. Good start." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He follows me around all the time. Sometimes I love it, but sometimes I need my own space." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This does not make you a bad mother to admit these things." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And the poetry. It's not very good. Ah. First time that I say that out loud." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's not very good!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I-I love Manny, but, you know, sometimes I... just be a boy! Go outside. Kick a ball. Steal something." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It feels so good!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe to you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Manny! Ay! I was talking about another Manny that I know long time ago! Diablo! Manny!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "You know, more people have died hiking than in the entire civil war?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ok, what book did you read that in?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Book? Wake up and smell the Internet, grandma. Haley : You know mom's just gonna want us to apologize. Luke : Well, we did kind of ruin her mother's day." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, she ruined her mother's day. She took us to a place she knew we wouldn't like. And then we complain for like a second, and we're the bad guys?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's a good point. You ever get the feeling she does this intentionally?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why would she do that?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "So she can make us feel guilty." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Exactly. And the next time we're choosing what to do, she gets her way again. And the next time and the next time. And eventually, it's mother's day every day." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wow. Mom's really smart. Haley : Well, not smarter than me. Alex : Well..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I say we don't apologize this time, let her know we're onto her little game." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We could change the way this whole family operates." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, so nobody says they're sorry. Got it? Keep your mouths shut when she comes back." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "If she comes back." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. Okay, I'm just gonna say this one time so we can move on. It's okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gotcha." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You... you know what \"it\" is? It's you crying." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Which I didn't. Phil : You teared up. Jay : It was the onions." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, okay. Maybe I'm... maybe I'm just putting myself in your place, but if I came across something from my childhood, and it reminded me of my mom, I might get a little misty, maybe even want to talk about it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "They offered me a bouquet, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Which you accepted." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why can't you ever take my side? They think of me as a woman!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, no, come on. We're just a new type of family, you know? They don't have the right vocabulary for us yet. They... they need one of us to be the mom." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So why does it have to be me? Do I wear a dress?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's a nightshirt! Mitchell : It's kind of satiny. Cameron : What are you saying? Mitchell : Come on, you know." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. No, no, no. I don't know." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, if... if I'm thinking about it, of the two of us, if... if I had to pick, I-I-I might say that you're slightly... mom-er." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Boy", "value": "Excuse me. Can you throw that ball?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Can I throw a ball? You don't... you don't think I can throw a ball?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam. No, no, no. That's not what he said." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, apparently, this gentleman doesn't think I can throw a ball." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, that's not what he said." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You think I can't throw a ball? Well, let's find out! Ugh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oo God. He looks old." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, sorry! Mitchell : Cam, hands. Cameron : Sorry!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There you go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Please forgive me!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't think I can. Let's just get in the van. Oh. Sorry for the rhyme. I know how you \"hate my poetry.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Please, stop my suffering! Say something terrible about me so that we can be even like Steven." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why would I say something terrible to someone I love?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I curse my tongue!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm gonna intervene here. Manny, let's talk about what really happened, okay? Your mom said you should go out and throw a ball around. That can't be the first time you've heard that." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. But there was some hurtful stuff said about my poetry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Which your mom regrets." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I do!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So? That's what parents are for. Sometimes they criticize because it helps make you stronger. Kids these days get... get trophies just for showing up. What's that gonna lead to? A bunch" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I guess I can..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Stop. He needs to know the real truth. Manny, Claire was feeling bad because she wants to hit her own children, so I tried to make her feel better by inventing terrible things about you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You mean you don't have a problem with my poetry?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, the only problem that I have is that I never have enough of it. You're the perfect kid in every way. Ay, mi amor." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. That's healthy." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Good. You're back." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are we done?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Unless the you have something to say to the person who gave you life on her special day." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Nope." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm good." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "My baby, Luke?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Uh... No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey. Hey. Here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What's this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, it's a mother's day card. And I know... Stop it! Okay. Cam, that was Gloria's card from Manny but I just wanted you to see was its definition for \"mother\" was on it. It's warm, nurturing, supportive. You know, maybe when the world sees you as a mom..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not just the world." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Fine. Fine. Me too. But maybe this is what we're seeing, and I don't know why that's such a bad thing. It certainly doesn't make you less of a man, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe you're right." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Come on, let's join the party. And, Cam, put down the scotch. You're not fooling anyone." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It is so burn-y. Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, people! Everybody to the table!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's just hard, you know? Having your mother's day ruined. I never thought it would be you, Lucas." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Don't even think about it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But she's sad." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Sad she's losing. She just hit you with her best shot. We need to stay strong." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But I feel..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Don't feel! Just go splash water on your face and man up! We're your mother now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How was your day with my dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Awkward, actually. He, um... he cried a little." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "My dad?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Shh!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He cried." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I didn't say he cried." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who cried?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "My dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stop!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why would you make Jay sob like that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I didn't make him sob. He teared up when I found this poem he wrote for his mom as a boy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is \"ohh\"?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Phil saw dad cry. Cameron : Jay misses his mama. Phil : Everybody, stop!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is anybody hungry? What? Gloria : You cried for your mommy? Jay : Oh, crap. I did not." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, Phil just told us..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, that's not true. She's a liar." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's wrong with you? Look, I know you would all be so happy if you thought I had some big emotional moment about my mom, but I didn't." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So you don't miss your mom?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course I do. She was a great lady. And she also left me a fantastic recipe for sauce, which now is getting cold. So can we please eat?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hear, hear!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just grab some wine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my gosh, smell that. It smells like grandma's house." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you guys remember that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I remember the first time I cut spaghetti. That's what she did! Eh-eh! Yeah, no, you can't cut spaghetti. She taught me to twirl." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, so she's the one." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, she was tough. I remember I had this little league coach. And one time after a game, he was laying into me about something. I don't remember. But mom comes charging out of the stands. She goes right up to the guy... I mean, face to face, nose to nose... and she says to him, \"let me tell you something... nobody, and I mean nobody, yells at my little b... boy.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, my God! It's happening again!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's okay, Jay. Let it out. Let it out." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You only get one mom." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm sorry, mom!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Me too!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A bottle of red, a bottle of... what?! Luke : Oh, yeah, and I'm the weak one. Manny : All right. Mitchell?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I'm good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh. Phil!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh. Dad!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, honey!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ew, get off of me!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lily", "value": "Dada!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I think she's calling you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't even try. I have that pottery class in the morning." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, let's go to bed." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Be right up. Son of a bitch." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, good. You're up. It is such a beautiful day. Let's go have brunch somewhere outside where I can wear my new sunglasses, huh? Ew, gross! What happened to you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't feel good. I'm hot. Now I'm cold." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And we have that concert tonight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know, but, honey, that's the furthest thing from my mind, okay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay that's it! No more fighting! No more fighting! for the rest of your lives, you are not allowed to yell at each other." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "But you're allowed to yell at us?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, Alex, I am, because I feed you and I clothe you and I pay the mortgage." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Pretty sure old dad deserves a shout-out right about now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry. Should've taken the temperature of the room first. What's up?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I'm dealing with a lot of high dr..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Luke and Manny barged into our room while we were changing, the little pervs!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can I just say, in Europe this would be no big deal." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. You can see me in my underwear whenever you want. Here, I'll make it even." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, hey, Luke, Luke, Luke!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, keep your pants on, okay?! And, girls, stop getting so hysterical over everything! Come on! Now, grow up a little! I need things to start changing around here, or I will change things, okay? There will be no more TV and no Internet and no whatever else I can think of. May I have a word with you, Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'd rather not." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, you sold me out behind my back." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No! It's just that sometimes you can get a little intense, and I feel like I need to swoop in to let the kids know they're still loved." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I could kick you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, these are just the parts that we're playing. Am I wrong, or has it been working? I feel like it's been working." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm tired of being the bad cop. You need to discipline them sometime and let me swoop in with all the love." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Shouldn't we just stick with the stuff we're good at?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God! This bathroom is disgusting! The girls told me they would clean it days ago. I can't yell at them about it one more time, Phil. You handle it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I would, but I promised Luke and Manny I'd take them go- karting for their good report cards." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What was good about Luke's report card?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He didn't lose it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let me take them. Yes, let me take them. You stay here. Hound the girls about cleaning up this mess, and I will take Luke to do something fun." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "But... I want to go go-karting." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. This is happening. Boys! Hey, guys, guess who's taking you go-karting today. Me." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why? Are we in trouble?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! You're not in trouble. Today's just all about having fun! And you know what? Go-karting's just the beginning." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What else are we doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Whatever you want." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I want to bring dad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, tough. You can't. He's doing something else." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Goodbye. We will be back in a few hours." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, whoa! Where you guys going?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I am taking Alex to the movies, and then I'm going to the mall." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How fun! That sounds like fun, doesn't it, Phil? Phil : I'm not much of a shopper, but it would depend on... Claire : clean bathroom." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Uh... Girls... How about you clean your bathroom before you go, huh? It'd really help your mom out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no. It's not about what mom wants. You mom is cool, very cool with whatever. It's about what dad wants." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I would really like it if you would clean your bathroom." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "But my movie!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why do we have to do it now?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because Claire says so. Because I say so. And because I'm your dad. And I'm older than you, and I call the shots around here. Right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, you do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "This is so unfair!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, guys, let's go have some fun!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow! You're hurting me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, you're fine!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Have fun, guys." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So... how does this usually start?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Good morning, Mr. Pritchett." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How you doing, sport?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, a dog. That's new." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "That was Mr. Pritchett." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, Jay, there you are. Come. I want to introduce you to Guillermo." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just met him. Really hit it off. Honey, keep it under a hundred bucks, you don't even have to tell me. I'm going golfing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, señor! He's a very nice man that works at the grocery store and needs a little bit of business advice." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, why didn't you say so? I thought he was just some nut who lived behind the dry cleaner's." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, that's the guy we bought corrective shoes for last month. Jay, he knows how successful you are, and all he wants is an hour of your t... half-hour. 10 minutes. I promise him!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, I love you, but why do you drag me into these things? You've got to learn to say no to people." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Fine. Ask me if you can go golfing now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Other people." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "All I want is, when I go to bed at night, to be laying next to a man that is generous and giving. And that man doesn't necessarily need to be you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, let's do this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Guillermo!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you want me to move the waste basket closer to you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no. It's fine where it is." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? 'Cause the bed kind of looks like a rose parade float." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Thank you for taking care of me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, what else would I be doing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, uh, Cam, you know, I hate to bring this up, but what are we gonna do about that concert?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you know, we were both looking forward to going. You were looking forward to going. I was really looking forward to going. And I just... I-I hate to see those tickets go to waste." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know, I know." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But what are our options? We could both go to the concert. That's not gonna happen. Uh, well, we could sell the tickets online. Oh. But there's that Craigslist Killer. Oh, what to do? What to do? What to do? What to do? What to do? Other options, other options." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, are you hinting that you want to go to that concert without me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No! No! Not in a million years! But that's very sweet of you to offer." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I didn't offer." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, really? 'Cause that just seems like something that you would say.. \"You go, I'll be fine. You spent all the money on the tickets, and I'm just gonna lie in bed anyways.\" That's classic Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm just so weak." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, good. You know what? It's settled. We're just gonna put this whole \"you insisting I go to the concert without you\" thing behind us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Can I get one of my little pudding cups?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, you can. Yes. You eat the pudding, and I'll eat the tickets." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Thank you for your time, Mr. Pritchett, but after you hearing my presentation, you will be thanking me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, you've got confidence. I admire that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He admires that, Guillermo. You're doing great. Keep going." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Are you aware that last year, Americans spent $40 billion on dog training?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, that's not true." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "I was surprised as you are." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, you were surprised because it's not true." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shh! Go on, Guillermo." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "What is this multibillion-dollar industry missing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Multibillion dollars." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "I have devised a revolutionary way to communicate..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, I hate to interrupt your big pitch, but your dog is chewing my pillow." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "This is fantastic." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not fantastic for my pillow." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "It's a perfect opportunity for me to demonstrate the Good Doggie Bad Doggie training system." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're in!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait, slow down. What are we gonna do about the pillow situation?" }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Watch, and be amazed. Stella here is being a bad doggie. Stella, let go. Bad dog, bad dog. Bad dog. And what does a bad dog get? A bad-doggie treat." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait a minute. You give her a treat for doing something bad?" }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Ah, a bad-doggie treat. When she is good, she gets the good-doggie treat." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Brilliant! We're going to be rich!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What is the difference between a bad-doggie treat and the good-doggie treat?" }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Bacon. The bad-doggie treat is very bland." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "But she seems like she likes it." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Wait till you see the good-doggie treat. Stella, sit. Now a good-doggie treat. Okay, uh, she's still full from the bad-doggie treat. But there you have it... the Good Doggie Bad Doggie training system. Welcome to the ground floor." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Actually, she's peeing on the ground floor." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Quick, quick, give he a bad-doggie treat!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, it's me. Is this a bad time?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I'm just in the car." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I'm having a moral dilemma. We have tickets for Lady Gaga tonight, but Cam's sick." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'll take them." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait, you don't even like concerts." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, I do. I'm fun now." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Claire, they said we have to be at least 13 to ride the fast ones." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They're 13. It's fine." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "This is very confusing. At movie theaters, she says I'm 11." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Can we get back to me?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Does it make me a horrible person that I kind of want to go without him?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, how sick is he?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know. He's sick. You know, they're not gonna make a lifetime movie about him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, what's he like when you're sick?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He's okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You should go. You know what I learned today? You can't wait around for somebody to give you something you want. Sometimes you just have to take it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I'm gonna feel so guilty, though." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You'll resent him if you stay. So, how about this... you stay home and take care of him... soup, foot rubs, you blow his nose." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ew." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "He's so lucky to have you. And then tonight, right before the concert, you say, \"Cam, I love you, but I really want to go.\" He'll say fine. You drop Lily off at our house, and it's great." }, { "from": "Voice", "value": "Drivers, start your engines. Claire : I'm putting you on speaker. Mitchell : What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Making my kids love me!" }, { "from": "Voice", "value": "Drivers, ready. Three, two, one!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're going down, Delgado! Like this!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, oh, oh, oh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We're finished cleaning the bathroom." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We're leaving." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See? That didn't take too long. Thank you, girls. Now, go and have a good time, all right?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Bye." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweet and sour chicken! Girls! Get back h... Got to fix that step. Girls!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Did he just yell? Drive!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm trying!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You girls get back here right now!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Pretend you don't hear him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know you can hear me!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my God, he's heading straight for the car!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God! Aah!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stop this car!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We're sorry, dad!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We couldn't hear you!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No more lies! You poked the bear, girls! You poked him!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "In closing, the only real question is, after you invest in Good Doggie Bad Doggie, how will we spend all our money?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "In handbags! No, vacation! I know! A home gym!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, Guillermo, your ambition is infectious. Clearly my wife needs to be inoculated. But I'm gonna be blunt." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no, no, you're not going to..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes, I am. Now, you wanted my honest business advice, right?" }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Very much." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Here it is. Your idea is not good." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, what Jay means is that when..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, what I mean is it stinks. Now, that's nothing against you. You've got charm, you've got ambition, and that's great. What you need is a better idea." }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "But I don't have a better idea." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Any idea would be a better idea. Guillermo : Your honesty is refreshing. Gracias. Gloria : Ay, you made him cry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's not crying. You're not crying, are you?" }, { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "No. A little. It's just five years of my life are for nothing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Five? Five years?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Guillermo, I'm sorry. Why don't you stay for lunch? And... and we can all brainstorm your next idea." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Guillermo", "value": "Really? Thank you, Gloria. I go put Stella in the car. I don't want her ruining any more of your beautiful things. Gracias. Bad dog." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why were you so tough with him? He's very sensitive." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Did you think that was a good idea?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course not! But I'm nice, and I put on the sugar jacket." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sugar coating is not gonna help him. He needed to hear what I said to him, even if it hurt a little bit. He's gonna thank me one day." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! Guillermo! Now I have to apologize." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Accepted." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Not to you!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you gonna get, Luke?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I want a cheeseburger." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And I can't decide between French fries or onion rings." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Get them both! How about you, Manny?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Um, do you have a skinless grilled chicken breast?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What, are you going to the ball, Cinderella? Live a little." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Did you finish your milkshake?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think that was the problem." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Look who's a doctor now." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe it was the pie." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, he's fine. Hey. Hey, who likes roller coasters?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I need a bag." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, you're not gonna be sick, Luke. We're having fun." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay. No, I really need a bag." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Take the lid off the cup." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm starving." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Me too. Say something." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Um, dad? We haven't had lunch yet." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yapping and get back to work." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Why is he taping our laptops shut?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Because he's out of his mind." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm not out of my mind! You took advantage, and you lost your computer privileges." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, come on, dad. We said we're sorry. Plus I can't get the stupid drain unclogged, anyway." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stick that hanger down there." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ew, no!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, it's either that or we cut off all your hair, 'cause that's what caused the problem... thoughts? Good, because after you finish this room, you're gonna clean my bathroom, too, and you know how gross I can be." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ew ! Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ew! Gross!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right. Settle down. It's hair." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God. I'm not cut out for this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ohh. Hey, could you do the right one now?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You mean the one we started with?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sure." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you're back. What happened with your friend?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's fine. You were right. He did appreciate your honesty." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How about that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's gonna make big changes to his life." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's going back to school. That means he has to go back to live with his sister, so that means that he had to get rid of the dog. But he's so much more realistic now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "See that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And there's a lesson in there for you, too, 'cause sometimes things go better when you just say no. No, no, no. What did you do?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! He was going to take her to the pound." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "But that's his business." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, but look at her little face! Jay : No. You don't even want a dog. Gloria : I know. I have a problem." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, crap, that's Manny. If he sees the dog, it's all over." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I go lock the door." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, and that's the solution? Manny sleeps in the backyard till the dog dies of old age?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, guys. I'm home. Boy, I think Claire's working through some stuff, because... Oh, my gosh! You got me a dog because of my perfect report card?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Sorry, papi, no." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The dog lives somewhere else, which is where she's going right now. Text me the address." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can I at least take a moment with her to tell her goodbye?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tell her goodbye? You just met her." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm so sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, honey, come back. I said I was sorry." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm 12. I need limits!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What happened?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I made them drive too fast and eat like vikings, and then Luke threw up all over the car. I got to go clean that up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, you don't. Girls! Grab your buckets and meet me by the car!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They don't have to do that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They do if I say so. I'm sorry. I swear I just told you to grab your buckets!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We haven't eaten all day." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "We're hungry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, you won't be in a minute." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you haven't fed them all day?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They're\tmonsters,\tClaire...\tDeceitful,\tmanipulative monsters... and they need to be broken." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He's crazy!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You know what?! Mom's the crazy one! She ran over my hand." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We were having fun! Girls, go to the kitchen. Get something to eat. Phil, honey, this isn't working. Listen to me. You are not a good bad cop, and I am a very bad good cop. We need things to go back to the way they were." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Yeah. I feel really shaky." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't like being you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nobody does." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Going somewhere?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam! You're up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Didn't count on that, did you? Are you dropping Lily off at your sister's, or is she taking my ticket?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, first of all, how are you standing? You drank enough of that cough syrup to put down a grizzly." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'll tell you what's grisly. That is your behavior. Well, it's just a good thing I'm finding out now, instead of when I'm old and sick and really need you. Better start saving for some sort of home-healthcare plan, 'cause I'd hate for my broken hip and subsequent pneumonia to interfere with your evening plans." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, Cam, no, you're right. You're right. I have no defense. I am terrible. And the thing is, I knew I was terrible, and I was going anyway. I think maybe I tried to justify it by saying we're two different people. And you're more of a caregiver, and I" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, wow. Ah, no place to go but up, huh? Don't look at me like that. We all got problems. This ain't gonna work, sweetie. That look ain't gonna work on me. Come on. Come on. Let's go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know it's old-fashioned, but I like a strong man, a man that can say no when I can't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not a word." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Ay, yes!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But instead, I have Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm strong. But look at this face." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Maybe we are the way we are because of the people we're with. Or maybe we just pick the people we need. However it works, when you find each other, you should never let go. Do you two need some time alone?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Well... I must've dozed off. Mitchell : Yeah, you were out for quite a while. Cameron : What have you been up to?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I've just been sitting here, watching you," }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well I'm gonna go to bed." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Thanks for staying home with me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you know, in sickness and in health, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're still blinking, sweetie." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. Oh, gosh. Well, this is... this is funny. I'm gonna tell you the funny thing about why this is, um... this is on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Principal Kaizler", "value": "And now, please welcome your valedictorian, Alex Dunphy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Where are my mom and dad?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "And in this corner, finishing first in her class, delivering the commencement address, weighing in at... What do you weigh, honey?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A healthy amount for a girl her age. Are you getting all this, buddy?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Pure gold." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's the main brain, the cerebellum of the ball, Alex Dunphy!!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, keep rolling, the news will want this footage when I eventually snap." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I thought Sanjay Patel was first in the class." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "He was until he missed a few weeks and the robot he was building attacked him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's happening, people. Our hubris will be our undoing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, what do you say you and I go and get our nails done, huh?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's okay. I want to work on my speech." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Been there. I remember the speech that won me treasurer of my high-school Spanish club. \"Mi nombre es Felipe. Yo voy a la escuela...\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Felipe." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It was kind of a grande deal I was up against an actual Puerto Rican." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, are you sure? Because I think they can do school colors." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm good, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Emotional day, huh?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Happy day." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Happy and sad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, it's me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! How was the doctor? Can you pick up some bread on the way home, please?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm home. My damn gate remote won't work. Could you press..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "...9?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, it's okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "What's okay? What's wrong? Where are you calling from?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm not calling from. Jay is calling." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What's wrong with Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My clicker won't work." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, my God, your heart's not working?! How could you tell us this over the phone?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My heart is fine. Would somebody please press 9 and let me in?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Got it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It won't work if you're both on the line." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Every damn time!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, Lily, time to get dressed. Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can't believe Alex is gonna be in High School. I feel so old!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, well, you feel old. I was there when she was born... in the delivery room. If I wasn't gay before, I..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, please, you wouldn't have lasted two minutes on a farm. I've witnessed all kinds of birthing... never batted an eye. I've seen cattle, I've seen hogs, I've seen goats... I've even seen a three-legged... Ohh!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry. Really, Mitchell? I could have just died." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Principal Kaizler, faculty, parents, fellow graduates, it's..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, superstar. Oh, you're working on your speech." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yep." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, do you need any help? Because sometimes it's great to bounce ideas off someone whose opinion you value." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm good." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. That's cool. Could your hair. We could do it like we saw in that magazine. Oh, what's that actress... What's her name?... with the... you know, with the teeth?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, mom, please. I'm... I'm trying to concentrate. Okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Well, you be ready to go in a half-hour, because we are going to carpool with your grandpa." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Haley's driving me. I want to get there early." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's a great idea. Great. I will see you there... Superstar." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, mama bear. You okay? Claire : Not with \"mama bear\" I'm not. Phil : Don't cry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not crying." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Shh! Don't be brave. I'm here for you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where were you? Did you bring the bread?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I was stuck outside that gate for 10 minutes before it opened." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So no bread?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We got to get that thing fixed. Gloria : Ay! What happened to your eye? Jay : What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's droopy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you mean, \"droopy\"?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Aah. I don't like the look of that, Jay. Here, let me check something." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Try to push my arm down." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go ahead. You can't do it. You can't do it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. All right. I can't..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, I'm home. Hey, uh, why is your dad's car here? Mwah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"It's ironic that I stand up he representing my classmates when, for the past three years, most of them have treated me like I'm invisible. It's my own fault. I was obsessed with good grades instead of looks, popularity, and skinny jeans.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?! Is that your speech?!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Get out of here!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You cannot say that!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yes, I can! And you want to know why? 'Cause it's the truth." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No one wants to hear the truth. It's very simple, Alex. In order to give a good speech, all you have to do is take a song and say it, like... \"Don't stop believin'\" or \"get this party started.\"" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That means nothing." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Who cares? Nobody wants to think. It's a graduation, a celebration of being done with thinking." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "People want to be challenged. They're gonna respect me for it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "No one's ever gonna talk to you again." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "So what? Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike for what he believed in." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That's 'cause no one would eat with him in the cafeteria!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on over. Have some lemonade and cookies." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, that's not looking very good." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's fine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Obama!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Phil, please. I'm trying to rule out a stroke." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not a stroke. Why does everybody always assume I'm having a stroke?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Age." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Diet." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You forgot to bring my bread." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry we're late." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's okay. We got to leave in about 5 minutes, though. Luke, stop pushing that ball around! You're gonna fall in." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes, and then your Uncle Mitchell will laugh at your expense! I'm just saying it's a character flaw." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, okay, quick poll here. This morning, Cam, fully dressed..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thank God it's one of those stories." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "...while in the middle of a very serious thought, fell into a ducky pool." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my goodness. Are you all right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, I am. Thank you. That is a normal reaction... Love and concern." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. The pool popped." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! Poor thing!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There is nothing worse than a tailbone injury." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Seriously? No, no, no, no. You're so full of it. You know this is funny. Picture this falling into a tiny pool." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He'll be here all week, folks! Literally, because you're not coming home with me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There she is. There's my little Stella. That's my girl. Hi, sweetie. You're so cute, I just wan eat your face!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You remember when you used to hold Alex like that, and you wanted to eat her face?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now she's off to High School." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Time marches on, huh?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yep." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know what's really sad?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The end of \"Titanic.\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Luke. Do you realize, in two years, you and I will be graduating?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Not now. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, I'll be graduating." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You guys, stop congratulating yourselves for being so compassionate. If you had been there, you would have laughed just as hard as I did." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's coming. Stop talking. He's been embarrassed enough today." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow. Now it makes sense. It's a Pritchett thing. Cruelty's genetic. Suddenly it's all very clear." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Be careful. You might run into it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Cam. I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God, dad, your face!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? Oh, that's nothing, nothing. It's boring. I went to the dermatologist. It's a boring story. I'm fine." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, no, we got to get you to a hospital." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, I'm taking you. Come." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, no, wait." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "¡Vamos!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait right here! Gloria? Gloria?! Gloria? Gloria. Gloria, hold on. The reason my face looks like this is because I had... botox." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Like the ladies use for their wrinkles?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, actually, nearly 10% of their sales are men, but that's not important. I had a bad reaction. Hit a nerve or something. It's gonna go away soon. What? What's that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Would you stop? This is very embarrassing for me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "For both of us. He's fine. It was a false alarm." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do you mean, a false alarm? His face looks like a candle." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You heard her. I'm okay. Manny : She's not a doctor. Jay : Neither are you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Technically." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, look, I don't know what's going on here, but there is no way that this is normal. You look like a botox job gone horribly wrong. No... my... God. You didn't." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Of course he didn't. Did you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. Claire: You did!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What were you thinking? You're a veteran." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Enough! This conversation is ended. Let's go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Do you think he got his butt done, too? It looks fantastic." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Alex, wait. I'm sorry. If you want to give your speech, go ahead. I was never valedictorian. What do I know?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thank you! I am doing this for a reason. It's not just like I'm..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Aha! Sorry, Alex, but you will thank me one day!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Please. You really think I don't have duplicates?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "If you do this, you'll be a social piranha. Alex : Yes, I'll be an Amazonian carnivorous fish. Haley : Carniv... what?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, open the gate." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, geez, not now!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? What's happening?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's stuck again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do you mean, it's stuck? Can't you get it open?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you think \"stuck\" means, Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We have to do something, dad. Can't you... can't you push it open or something?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't know!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We are trapped in your driveway, and you don't know? As a gate owner, dad, you have a certain responsibility. See, my daughter is gonna get up on that stage and give a speech and graduate from Middle School, and if I am not there, dad, I am going to freak out! I am going to freak out!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe push it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am going to freak out! Mitchell : Why are you smiling? Phil : I'm not... I'm not smiling." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on. All right. Okay, we have tried this way. I say we ram the gate. Kids, get out of the way." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hold on! I think I can fix this! I just need a paper clip, some olive oil, and a ribbon." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's the plan, \"MacGyver\"? Actually, the paper clip is to connect these two circuits, and the olive oil is to lubricate the mechanism. And the hair ribbon is for Lily. Her hair's been driving me crazy all day." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why don't we just call some cabs?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because, Mitchell, this is not Times Square, and they'll take forever." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, then we'll just climb over the fence and start running." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, we won't, because it's 5 miles away, Phil! And I'm in big shoes, so, no." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Wait, wait, wait, wait! I save the day. Let's take this crazy bicycle, we throw it over the gate, then we take Phil and we take Claire, and then we throw them over the gate, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, what the hell is that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay bought it. He thought we were gonna use it all the time, but I keep hitting my boobs with my knees." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Champagne problems, right? Honey, they're not gonna ride the bike." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, but I still think that we should throw it over the gate." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, you know what? Thank you. Thank you. Nobody else has come up with an idea." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think I've got a good idea." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We don't have time to build a rocket, buddy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Never mind." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. So... Phil and I will go over first, and then you guys will throw over the bike?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, step up. I'll boost you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Couldn't we get a ladder?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Please, I'm cheer's squad, I boosted girls bigger than you to the top of a human pyramid. Now, arms at your side. Straight like a pencil. One, two... We are bulldogs!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aah! Ow!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's fine. Okay. Jay, now you do me. Just grab a handful. Don't be shy. I'm not giving you as much to work with. I used to have a lot more there. I lost it. They used to call me \"The Grand Can.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates when, for the past...\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I read the rest of your speech." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Congratulations. Haley : Do you hate me? Alex : What?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You talk about how all the popular kids are shallow and lame." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I didn't mean you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You think you have everyone figured out, but everybody has their stuff." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What \"stuff\" do you have? Too many boys chasing after you? Too many parties?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You really want to know what \"stuff\" I have?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm flunking out of biology. And now I have to go to summer school. My friends... all they can ever talk about" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Whatever." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You know what? Fine. Give your stupid speech. Be an outcast. But you're only doing it to yourself because you're smart and pretty and sort of funny in a way that I don't really get but other people seem to enjoy, so, you can either start fresh next year or be the freak who flipped off her class." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You really think I'm pretty?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Shut up!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, go straight! Phil : This way's faster! Claire : No, straight!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stop leaning! Do you want to drive?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Tough, I called it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What was that?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, crap. The chain broke!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Just keep pedaling. It doesn't matter." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It matters a little!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, please be careful." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why? If I get electrocuted, my hat might blow right off. That'd be funny as hell, right?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Jay! I know you're feeling self-conscious, so I dug out something I thought might help." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Put that thing away." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I knew you'd say that, but hear me out. This was designed to make a hideously disfigured man look supercool. It's" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't look at me like that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I have to say that I am a little disappointed in you doing this thing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not me. I feel real good about it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Now many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to look young for me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I didn't do it for you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is her name?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Stop. Most of the time, I walk around, and in my head, I'm 40. Then I look in the mirror, I say, \"who's that old man? And what's he doing in my bathroom?\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, it's my bathroom, too. And I like when the old guy is there. This is the face that I fell in love with. Not this face... This one." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ooh! Ooh! The gate's opening! The gate's opening!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How did you do that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I didn't do anything." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I did it. I opened it with my mind." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, guys! Let's go, guys! Gloria : ¡Vamos! Manny! Get Manny. Jay : Everyone in the car. Let's go!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. That's what I thought. Chain's broken. What do you think?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I think we gotta go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweetie, we... we can't make it on foot." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We have to try." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey. Honey! It's okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's not okay, Phil! It's not okay. We're losing her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Alex?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're not losing her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We are. She's going to High School. This is just when I lost Haley. This is when Haley went from being my sweet little angel to being a moody, texting, snotty little princess who hates me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Haley doesn't hate you. And we're not losing her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you remember when you used to come home from work and Haley would meet you at the door in her little \"Aladdin\" pajamas? And, you know, she'd stick her arms up in the air and say, \"daddy, daddy, take me on a magic carpet ride.\" Remember that? When was the last time Haley was that excited to see you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't remember. It's been so long." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're losing another one. And that's what kids do... they leave. They leave, and they... and they don't come back." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, ours will come back, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What if they don't, and... and, pretty soon, it's just the two of us?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't want to go to Vegas anymore." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I just want to hug them and embarrass them in front of their friends." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. And Alex... my God. If we miss this speech... Honey, she's a middle child... she will never forgive us." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're not missing that speech! Hello! Hello!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's the plan, Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mi nombre es Felipe. Yo voy... a la escuela." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "You need a ride to the school." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, please!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Felipe?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. ¡Vámonos, muchachos!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Principal Kaizler", "value": "I am so proud to be standing in front of this extraordinary group of youngsters. I'm sorry... or should I say \"oldsters\"? But seriously, the word \"commencement\" means \"beginning.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry I laughed." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't need an apology, but I will say your behavior today has been very eye-opening. No offense, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "None taken. You look like an iceberg." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Señor, this is it... right hear, yeah. Okay. Let's go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "¡Muchas gracias, muchachos!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "You're quite welcome!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Principal Kaizler", "value": "And now, please welcome your valedictorian, Alex Dunphy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Where's my mom and dad?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm... there they are!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Phil! Alex : Principal Kaizler... Claire : Hold on, Phil!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "...Faculty..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, sweet cream! I'm sliding!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God, Phil!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "...school-board administrators..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got you. Get up. Get up. I got you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "...Fellow graduates, parents, and everyone who helped us through these challenging formative years…" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam! You have lost all credibility." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is completely different." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's the juxtaposition of absurdist comedy against the backdrop of a formal setting... Not a big-boned man falling into a pool." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? Shh! This is about Alex." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "…It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates when...they're so... awesome... They should be up here themselves. But I'm up here, and... I'm sayin'... stuff, 'cause everybody's got their... stuff, whether you're popular or a drama geek..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "...or a cheerleader... or even a nerd like me. We all have our insecurities." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, we do." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We're all just trying to figure out who we are. I guess what I'm trying to say is...don't stop... believin'...Get this party started." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Whoo!!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's so cute." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Seriously?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "There she is!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here's our girl!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Your speech moved me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I loved how you play with the song titles. Fantastic." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "My idea." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You did good, kid." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thanks, grandpa. Aah!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't ask. He'll be fine." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. We are so proud of you. Come here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hello. I opened a gate with my mind." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do you say we all go get something to eat?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's do it." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "A-actually, I was kind of just invited to a party. Would it be okay if I go?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Of course." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "See you, kid." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Have fun." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thanks for coming, you guys!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Bye! Congratulations!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hmm. I'm kind of hungry, mom. Phil : Oh, my God. She's back. My baby. Haley : What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "My baby. Haley : Oh, my God. Phil : My little baby." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's go. Let's go eat." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm not hungry anymore." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, you're not gonna regret this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I could use some shrimp." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm not hu... I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry anymore." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sure you are. Sure you are." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm not... no, I'm not." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, mom... Listen to this card dad got for grandpa Jay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Hip-hip-hip-hooray! Save the extra hip. You'll need it someday.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "'Cause he's old!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. You're not giving him that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Even if he drinks his other gift first?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nope. Ladies... Do you remember exactly one year ago today when you did not have a gift for your grandfather and it killed him just a little, so I suggested you start interviewing all the members of the family for a video tribute?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, check it and burn... We totally did that." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hmm. Almost. We just need to finish the editing. And you should talk. You haven't even started on your gift yet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's because I changed mine. I thought of a better idea yesterday." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think I came up with a better idea." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. My dad has a picture of me and Mitchell when we were kids, standing in our old backyard. We're gonna re-create the picture." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I did the same thing last year for my parents for Christmas, and it went over like gangbusters." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Funny." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Do you remember?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I do. I do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ohh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So that's really going to be your day? You're going fishing?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "With time out for a gourmet lunch. Sausage of the month club really nailed it in may. But, honey, no offense. They almost lost me last month with that chorizo." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why \"no offense\"? It's a sausage. It's not on our flag. Lily, what are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Surprise!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We were just on our way to get Jay's cake and thought we'd pop by." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She refuses to get dressed." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, did you try bribing her?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no. Of... of course I did! I cannot go back in there, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why did we ever decide to have a kid?!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know. I don't know!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, come on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She loves you so much. Just this morning, she was looking at a picture of you, and I swear she was trying to say your name." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Really? Ay, I would love to spend more time with her, but I have to go to the Mall to get Jay's gift for his birthday." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. Gloria's busy. No, don't cry. We should go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, maybe I can take her wi..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Bag's packed. Have fun. Bye, sweetie." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, hey, Manny. Manny : Mom, is Jay still here? Gloria : No, he just left." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Shoot." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why? What's up, pal?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm going over to a friend's house where I may have to use this thing. I only used it once, and that was to take a torte out of the oven." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, well, first, let's loosen this thing up. So what's her name?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "How'd you know?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, you're pretending to be something you're not. Boys do that for girls... or really dreamy boys." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Her name's Tara. We have great chats online. She's really smart and funny, but she's on the softball team." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, nobody's perfect. Hey, you know what? Why don't we go outside and toss the ball around?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And you know what? I wouldn't worry too much. She's gonna like you even if sports aren't your thing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Aren't my thing? I have a tennis racket upstairs I only use as a bubble-bath frother." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "How do you put this on?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Glen", "value": "Excuse me, miss. Sorry. You answered to \"miss\"!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aha! Hilarious." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, it's great to see you." }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Great to see you, too. And I believe this is yours." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? When?" }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Hey, you headed over to the card shop? I was in there earlier. I got myself one of those musical cards. Oh. They're a little more expensive, but I can swing it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Well, great to see you. Yeah. By the way, don't leave without this quarter from behind your... come on, Phil!" }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Good luck, Dunphy. I'm off to get some new cross-trainers. I blow through them pretty fast with all this power-walking I'm into. Catch you later." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What are you two doing here?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shopping for tonight. Phil : Oh, well, I'll walk with you. Gloria : Where were you heading?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "The card store." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "What a beautiful child! You and your wife must be so happy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, uh, w-what would you think about swinging by the shoe store?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, let's go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I still can't believe all the looks we got driving over here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And yet you wore the hat the whole time." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't you think we should park on the next block over? 'Cause this is all permit parking." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, we used to live here. It's fine." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, still. I..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't think anybody's home. Here. Hang on to this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What... wait, where are you going?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The backyard. We'll take this picture really quickly, and then we'll just get out of here." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, let's just... let's just wait for them to come home. Okay, that... that's trespassing!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it's not. We used to live here." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't think that does what you think it does." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Of course you would baby out, because this is just like pool-hopping all over again." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just... I don't see what was fun about that. It made going in grandma's pool less special." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't you try being a little less special?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Is it far?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hello." }, { "from": "Sandra", "value": "Hi, it's Sandra from the dog groomer. I'm trying to reach Gloria. Stella's ready." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I must have her phone. She probably grabbed mine again. Listen, this is her husband. You have my number right there, probably. Give that a call." }, { "from": "Sandra", "value": "Oh, Okay, thanks." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, it's me again. I'll be right there. Yeah, I did blame her for no reason. You have a little bit of an attitude. You know that? You know who did your job in my day? A hose." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, a little to your left, a little to your left. Yes, okay. Right there. That's it. That's it. Perfect. Okay. And now I must run." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Here, okay. Fast." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Here we go. It's weird being back here, isn't it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. Everything looks exactly the same. Well, you know, except for the fence." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, what's with that? Who are they trying to keep out, anyway?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. Oh. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, wow. Oh, my God. No, it's okay. He might be friendly. He looks nice. He looks nice. Hi. No! Oh, God! He's... quickly, quickly. Not nice. So not nice. Hurry! Hurry, hurry, hurry! Now what do we do?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you could try telling him we used to live here." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They're never coming home. We need to call someone. Claire : Use your phone. Mine's down there getting rabies on it. Mitchell : No, I left mine in your car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I didn't want to ruin the line of my pants." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God. Oh, look. Somebody's coming." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. Okay, that is what happens when you park without a permit. Stop! That's ours! We're up here! Stop! He ignored me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He didn't stop for the screaming sailor in a tree? Give me your shoe." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What, you think that wolf down there is gonna be afraid of a shoe?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, I don't." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wh... what are you doing with dad's wine?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Getting comfortable. We could be here for a really long time." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Whoa! Where'd you learn how to do that? Claire : Where'd you get a sailor suit on short notice? Mitchell : Fair enough." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ew. It's Merlot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello. Manny! Hey, how'd it go with Tara?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's still going on. The catch part went fine... mostly. I took a running dive into the dirt." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, did you at least catch the ball?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I was trying to throw the ball! I'm in her bathroom looking for band-aids. I'm trying to get up the nerve to tell her how I feel." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, just be honest." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "She intimidates me. Every time I open my mouth, I say something stupid. I called her bedroom \"fantazing.\" That's not even a word!" }, { "from": "Tara", "value": "Are you okay in there, Manny?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah! I'm just water-washing my hands! Help me! Tell me what to say." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, how about this... You are the prettiest, smartest, funniest girl in the sixth grade. I know you're only 11, but I can't stop thinking about you. I've loved talking to you online. I think we should become boyfriend and girlfriend. No, it's not what you think. I'm talking to a little boy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hello. She's not with me, Cam. I got her phone. Why are you crying? How do you get kicked out of a bakery? Well, that'll do it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I sorry to ask you to get your own birthday cake, but I can't get ahold of any... anyone else." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Can't do it. I'm on my way to the lake... Finally. Just get something at the grocery store." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I am not getting you a grocery-store cake. Gloria asked me to handle this. She's gonna yell at me, Jay. She can be mean in Spanish!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, fine. Let's wrap this up, princess." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Love you. Bye." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "What are you guys doing?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just editing our birthday tribute to grandpa." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You know, some of the interviews I did didn't turn out so well." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That's okay. We'll just use the best stuff from what we all got." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Eww. I can't talk about grandpa dressed like this. Gloria : I love my... that stupid dog next door! Jay! Jay! Jay!! Mitchell : ...Three, four, five." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, Uncle Mitch, what do you think" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "One, Two..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "N-nothing. You didn't see this, and w-we don't tell Cam. Capisce?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It'll only take one minute. Phil : We don't have a minute. Alex : Who's Clive Bixby?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A friend of your mom's. Not now!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, Uncle Cam, can you to talk about..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jay. I know. No time. I got a little girl's birthday party to save. Skedaddlo... go!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, not now, honey. Your father's out back. Why don't you call him? Phil! Dad! Your kids need you!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Grandpa is really cool. He once let me drink some of his beer." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "For the love of..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Root beer!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I could've sworn we had more!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, let me work my magic. It's all about creative editing. Just give me two hours and another hour. Somebody get me some chocolate milk with extra salt." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you remember the time you quit cub scouts and dad got mad at you so you ran away up here?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Right. And you brought me my dinner up here..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "...And my comic books." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yep. I think mom and dad would have been a lot more scared if you hadn't been running into the house to use the bathroom." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I can't go outside. Great, now I'm thinking about it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mitchell... It's ironic. We always wanted a dog in this backyard, and we could never have one." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Y... Manny got one." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Manny gets everything." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Hey, you think Manny's gonna get a third of..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "A third of what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Uh...I guess. Sure. I mean, that seems fair, right?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Does it? Claire, does it? 'Cause I just feel like..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay? You know what? I think we've probably had enough of this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, wait. Do you think if we could get the dog to chase this doll, then we could run down and grab the phone really quick?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We could do that!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We just are gonna have to throw it really, really far." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Right. So... That way." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gloria, um, I'd still love to swing by that shoe store." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If you're in a hurry, go by yourself." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. I'll wait. Whipple! Whipple!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay! Mm! What do you think?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, it's perfect. Uh, l-let's see the other side. Whipple!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Bless you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's a little too tight, no? What do you think of the tush?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I think it's great. Why don't you keep it right there for a second. Let's make sure." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, but it's a little see-through. Maybe if I put this underneath, then it won't, like, show." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no, no, no. It looks good that way." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I go try something else better." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, wait! Wait!" }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Oh, don't think about it. Just get it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hilarious, whipple. I'm actually here with someone." }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "And you finally did make something disappear." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She was here a second ago." }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Just like the date you had on the final-night dance of junior tumbling congress." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There was traffic." }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I think I found something that is going to make my husband very happy. What do you think?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, very happy, Gloria. Very happy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, but don't go far away because I might need help with the zipper, okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sounds good... with the zipper." }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Wow. Phil. I mean, wow. That's your wife?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It would appear so. Great to see you, Glen." }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Ohh. Hmm. You know, I got to say, I'm a little surprised." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Surprised... Or mystified? Damn it. It went down your shirt. You can... keep it. I'll see ya." }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "No, no. I just always assumed you would marry Claire Pritchett." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You remember Claire?" }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Are you kidding? She was gorgeous. God, I was so jealous of you back then." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You were jealous of me?" }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "Oh, man. Claire Pritchett with the blond hair and those brown eyes, great smile. Oh, I can picture her smiling right now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can." }, { "from": "Glen", "value": "I wonder who landed her. Lucky son of a bitch." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Phil, I need you!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What now?! Oh, uh, I'm sorry. I'll be there in a second. No! How?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell were you thinking? I'll answer that for you. You weren't thinking. You think that's funny, Popeye?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Popeye." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I should be fishing, but I'm hauling my ass across town trying to save you two from a little dog." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "At least we got to have a dog for a few minutes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There we go. You could show a little gratitude, you know. These pants are new. Climbing over that fence, I might have wrecked 'em. That's mature." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry. We're sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm so... we're sorry." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry you said \"rectum.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry, dad. Um, we're so glad that you came and got us. - Thank you. It was very smart the way that you distracted the dog." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "12 times a year, I get sausages. That's it. What the hell am I gonna to do till June?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Let's see it. It's beautiful." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We just need some candles." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I-I must have in one of the drawers. Okay. Froot loop necklace... Baby Jesus... ...key... ay, I was looking for these keys. Baby Jesus... BB Gun... More baby Jesus... Ay, another baby... Jesus, Stella! Don't do that!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Jay! Don't come in here! You cannot see the cake! It's the bad luck!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I already saw the cake. I bought it while I was busy not fishing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. Go out to the bar. Go!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You never used to talk to me like that before we got that damn dog." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, Manny. I almost called you. How'd it go with Tara?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, I guess. I used every line you gave me, and she totally ate it up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Well, then, why just okay?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She wants to go on a date now... to the batting cage." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ohh. Not so good with a bat?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I am, as long as I'm using it to roll out dough." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'll bet you just need a little practice. You know, when I was your age, I couldn't hit a balloon with a bat. Then my father took me out to the field, and a couple hours later, I was knocking the hide off that ball. It's one of the best days we ever had together." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Really?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. I just bet you need some time in a batting cage. What are you doing this weekend? That'd be fun, huh?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's a great idea! I'll ask Jay. He loves stuff like this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. That'll be great for you guys." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah. And thanks for your help today, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You got it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't think grandpa's having the best time. He keeps going and getting more drinks." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, not every time. One time he went in to check on the women's basketball score." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The Sparks are up by 8, if anyone cares." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, dad, we all owe you an apology. We were so worried about giving you a great night that we ruined your day, and I'm really sorry we didn't let you go fishing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sorry, dad." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sorry, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what? I'm acting like a jerk. What am I, 12?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So I didn't get to go fishing. What, am I gonna pout about it? I still have my family, and you guys made such a big fuss. I love you all." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aww." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So let's go get some cake and presents." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes! Cake and presents! Come on, everybody!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Have I told you how lucky I am to have you? Gloria, excuse me. 'Cause I am." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hap..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "No singing. What the hell happened to the cake? Gloria : Nothing. It's beautiful. Okay, let's open the presents. Claire : Yes! Presents! Who's first?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mine first. Mine first." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And as you know, Claire and I\tWe didn't quite finish" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And our gift is a fuller version of that and a card." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wonderful." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And, of course, the cake is, uh, mine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fantastic. And here we have a phone... In the shape of a mouth." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, you're welcome! Very sexy!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, wait a minute. Don't tell me. Let me work this out. I mentioned a few times that I was thinking of taking up the saxophone, and you give me this. I got it! Is this a sexy phone?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Happy Birthday!!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, what else we got?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, uh.\tN-nothing. Hmm. Maybe not a perfect showing" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And it took us a year to make." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's in the DVD player. You've got to come watch it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm so excited! Let's go, Jay! And bring your sexy phone." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, don't forget that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, and\tand, uh, we all participated, so this is kind" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. Hit the lights!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad! Cameron : Jay! Gloria : Jay!!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Grandpa..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Love... Haley : Eww! Mitchell : Capisce?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, who wants to see it again?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's it? That's all you used? I wasn't even in it!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That totally sucked." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what? Great party. Thank you all for coming. And I hope you forgive me. I'm gonna go upstairs, curl up with a ludlum, and call it a day. Hello. Manny? Where are you? What are you doing out there? What the hell?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I dragged it back here this afternoon. I know it's not the lake, but maybe we could pop open a few drinks and hang out on the water?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "This is the life, huh?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It ain't half bad." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, I want to get in the boat!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Captain?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Me too! I want to get in!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, how was your day with Claire?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, it was actually... It was really great. I don't... I don't always think about it, but I-I was really lucky to have her to grow up with. You know, I cannot imagine dealing with my crazy parents alone." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I... I want to have another baby." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What would you think about a boy this time?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, easy !" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Easy! Easy!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, no! You're rocking the boat!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got Claire! I got Claire!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, ahoy! So, if we all just, uh..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Captain", "value": "We're beginning our initial descent into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Thank you for flying United." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Reckon we'll be landing soon." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, honey, you promised... not till we got there." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "This year, we're going to a dude ranch with the whole family." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. The family." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "What if Dylan buys his own ticket? We'll be sleeping in separate cabins." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What if Dylan and I share a horse?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, I hate landing." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "We'll get through this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Wow! Oh, my goodness." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I want my ears to pop." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Try putting a little Rouge on 'em. Nobody gets me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow. Isn't this beautiful, little cowgirl?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I told you, it's fine. I just didn't like you wearing a matching one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So we haven't told the family yet, but we've decided to adopt a baby boy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "From America this time. You might say we're \"buying domestic.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "In private... You might say that in private." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Our adoption attorney told us it would be a good idea to make a photo book to show prospective moms." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But he thought that Cam's version was a little too \"artsy,\" so we've decided to take a few rugged shots at the ranch to, you know, balance it out." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't think it need balancing out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's called \"Production value.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Horse." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look, Jay! So beautiful!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your ears haven't popped yet, huh?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm like the horse whisperer. But something is making this one skittish." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Whoa. Look at the mountains." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "They're amazing." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I've never been this far from home before now I've never been this far." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Where's a cliff when you need one?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, kids! A real life cowboy!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh. Come see. Come see." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-oh." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What's he doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "My name is Hank. Here at the Lost Creek Ranch, you're gonna ride, you're gonna rope, and you're gonna shoot. You're gonna see a sky so full of stars, it'll put your city lights to shame. And when it's all done, you might just encounter a piece of yourselves you never knew was there. Are there any questions?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh, do we book spa treatments through you or... Hank : I like you, kid. I'm gonna call you \"Hollywood.\" Manny : That wasn't an answer." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "And who's this cactus flower?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's my wife Gloria." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Well, she's \"Cactus Flower\" now, old-timer." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "These, uh, these nicknames... are they set in stone?" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Okey dokey. You ready, gunslinger?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I heard word of trouble in these parts. Pull! That oughta fix it, eh, Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You got a piece of it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I've been practicing like crazy, all my cowboy skills... shootin', ropin'. pancake eatin'. Why? Because sometimes I feel like Jay doesn't respect me as a man." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's just that when you say, \"Phil is my son-in-law,\" it sounds like you're saying, \"Phyllis, my son-in-law.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's ridiculous." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, who's your son-in-law?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Phyllis." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm not asking for a hug. I just want to get that look of newfound respect, like... Or... Or... mm. Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Check it out. Two birds, one leg. Pull it! Not bad, eh, Old-timer?" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Uh, see, slappy only had three fingers." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "He only had three fingers. Who's next?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, me. Me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, this is good. This is good. Tres macho. No smile. Don't smile. Good." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "You ready?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait. Do I say \"pull\"? Sorry. Sorry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitchell, why don't you go find Manny at the spa? Wouldn't that be more fun?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, Hollywood. Manny : I don't love that. Luke : Wanna see something?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, my gosh. Is that a firecracker?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Shh! Now I just need to find the perfect thing to blow up." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Is that thing even legal?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Not here. It's from Germany. If they had this during the war, right now we'd all be knee-deep in strudel." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Watch it!" }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "What you doing, eh? You readin'?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Trying to." }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "I'm not so good at it either." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not surprised." }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "That was a joke. I'm Jimmy Scrivano. You want to see me do a cannonball?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'd rather see you get hit by one, but..." }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "Ha. Good one, gorgeous." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay! Is this like the lobster?! Do I get to pick one for dinner? Because this one looks very tender." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Look alive, Old-timer. One of your calves is getting away." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, something's wrong with my horse. She's veering left. When this happened to my Uncle, it was a stroke." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Oh, there's nothing wrong with Buttercup. You just gotta let her know who's boss! Beautiful form, Cactus Flower! Beautiful! You look like a dadgum conquistadora!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's deaf, but I can hear ya." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why are you riding that way?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm afraid that cow over there might bite me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes, he's gonna come up and bite you because your leg looks so desirable with those... are those canvas?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, Phil, ease that one back over towards me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Got it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ease him back this way." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey! Piece of cake, huh, Jay? Huh?" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Ease that one over to Bossy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Which one's Bossy?" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "That's my nickname for your wife." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hilarious." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Go, Mom! Whoo! Dylan : Yeah, Mom! You rock! Claire : Oh, I wish I had a rock." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. It wouldn't kill you to be nice to Dylan." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It might. But, honey, I don't know why you always stick up for him. Haley can do so much better." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because I know what it's like to fall for a girl whose dad thinks I'm not good enough." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, you're right. I can make more of an effort." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's the woman I love." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "We taking a little break over here? Laying some pipe." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. Sorry. I was just talking to Bossy." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, look! I got this one! I got this one!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's veering left again. When we get back, I'm gonna see if she can track a pencil with her eyes." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, Lily, I'm going to push you one more time. Now don't kick me, okay? Aah! Oh! Lily! I said don't kick me. Okay?" }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "You know it's your own fault that's happening. Why don't you try standing behind her?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You are an idiot." }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "Oh, really? I ain't the one getting kicked." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Why are you following me?" }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "Why are you fighting me here, gorgeous? This works." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I really, really don't appreciate you calling me \"gorgeous.\" I just want to enjoy time with my family, so if you don't mind... mm!" }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "Not a problem. See you around, sunshine." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "You kissed a boy!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, the boy kissed me. Okay, Lily? The boy kissed me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "♪ I rode a horse for the first time today wasn't surprised when it went... neigh ♪" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Hey, Dylan." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, Mrs. Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I was wondering if we could have a little chat." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Oh. You want me to go home." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no. It's the... the opposite of that." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I want you to go home?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I, um, I want you to know how glad I am that you're here." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Really? 'Cause sometimes I just get this vibe you don't like me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Dylan, no. I'm sorry. I-I like you. I-I like you a lot. I just... It's complicated because Haley's my daughter." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Whoa. Whoa, whoa. You are totally a hot mom, but I can't do this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. Okay, we... there's... no, no. I merely meant that I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcome." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Whew! That would have been awkward." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So awkward." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "You know, but for the record, Mrs. Dunphy..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "If Haley wasn't my girlfriend..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "And Mr. Dunphy was out of the picture..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I would be honored to share your bed and raise Luke, Alex, and Haley as my own." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Good talk." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "♪ She'll be running down the mountain. she'll be running down the Mountain when she comes ♪" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The song ended two minutes ago." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Well, I'll tell you what. She could play Evita." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really? You notice the crickets left? Anyone want more water?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Dad, I'll take one." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Heads up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my gosh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. It was... it was dark. I-I couldn't see it. Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "So did you set off the firecracker yet?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "When I do, you won't have to ask. First, all the electronics will go out, then comes the heat flash. Afterwards, the living will envy the dead." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And yet I'm the one on the \"No-fly\" list." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what? Maybe next time I'll just catch it and then hand it to you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, okay. Yeah, let's do that. You... you do everything, and I'll do nothing." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Something on your mind?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This isn't the right place to talk about it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I-I'm s... I'm not sure if we should have another baby." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What? Are you serious?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I think that we might be rushing into this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Rushing into... we've been working..." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Everybody, it's me, Dylan. I just wanted to thank you all for bringing me on this trip and making me feel like one of the family, uh, especially Bossy. So I can't think of a better time to ask something of the woman that I love. Okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy, will you do me the honors of being my lawfully wedded..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, no, no, no, no. No proposals. Not now. Not gonna happen. She's a child, so..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're still in high school!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I meant after she graduates." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not then. Not now. Not ever. Seriously, what are you two gonna live off of? The... the... the royalties from the horsey song? Put it back in your pocket." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Would you stop it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I won't. I won't." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "No, it's okay. I guess I'll just turn in. Just so you know, there's a fan in my cabin that sounds like someone crying." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dylan, wait! I hate you!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, come on. Haley, get back here! Phil, anything?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think you said it all, Claire. You want me to rope her? I can, you know." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "For what it's worth, my second wife was in high school." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sweetie, here. Here we go. One, two, three. One, two, three. Gone." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "It's gone! It's over there! Cameron : It's not back there. Lily : We counted to three." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Where have you been?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I-I slept on the couch in the lodge. I know you didn't want to have a big fight last night." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I'm ready now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I'm sorry. Look, what if I can't do the father-son stuff? The hunting, the... the sports, the Three Stooges? You know what happens in real life when someone gets hit in the head with a ladder? They go to the hospital and they get an MRI. Never see that scene." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think you're overthinking this. You know, I love sports, I love the Stooges. We've got this covered." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No, you... you got it covered, but I'm just stuck on the sidelines, pretending to understand the rules, and... You know, my dad was a rough- and-tumble guy, and I just... I could never relate to him. And I don't know. I just don't think I could handle disappointing... two generations." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think you're more masculine than you give yourself credit for." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Who puts a birdhouse next to a porch?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Claire, I know that you're worried that Dylan is gonna break Haley's heart, but I see in his eyes that he's gonna stick with her forever. No matter what, he's always going to be with her. On your deathbed..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. All right. I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna go find her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. You push too hard, you chase her right into his arms, you'll end up with a boob for a son-in-law. Believe me, you don't want that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, have you guys seen Dylan?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No. Why?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm not talking to you. He said he was going out for a walk last night, and no one's seen him since." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweetheart, I'm sure he's fine. Maybe after last night, he just went home." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Doubt it. He left his luggage." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We have to do something. If he doesn't eat five times a day, he gets spacey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What would that even look like?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We'll find him. Hank? We got a situation here!" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "What seems to be the trouble?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We need to talk." }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You stole my first kiss." }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "What are you talkin' about?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I had it all planned out. It was supposed to be special, someone with a high GPA and a bright future, not a Mario brother." }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "Fine. You know what? I don't even want your kiss. Here, you can have it back. There. Now we're even." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Well, keep it. I don't... I don't want it anymore. What am I doing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Hank", "value": "Okay, people. Looks like we have a walker. Right now he is facing treacherous terrain, sudden drops, mountain lions hungry bears, oh, and wolverines. That is, if the hypothermia didn't already get him. Why did we come here again? So our best bet is to split up. You two are gonna take the North hiking trail." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Can I go with my Dad instead?" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Negative. I need Buffalo Phil and Old-timer... To check the Snake River." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buffalo Phil... worth the wait." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Me and Cactus Flower will ride on up to Destiny Ridge." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe I should ride up there with her." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Negatory. That trail is for advanced riders only. We don't need another dead body." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"Another\"?" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Let's go! Move 'em out." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Phil, help me saddle my horse, will ya?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, look who's suddenly needed by his father-in-law. Phyllis. Phil... is." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, Uncle Mitch. Whatcha doing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, hey. Just... just thinkin'." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You know, I've been meaning to tell you, you're a super fun Uncle. And I'm saying this as a boy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uncle Cameron sent you over here, didn't he?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What? That's hilarious. No, I love how you and me can joke like this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, Luke, look, I don't know how much Cam told you, but I don't think this is a problem that you can help me with. It's..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay, good. I've got my own problem." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What? What's that?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Can you keep a secret?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I kept a pretty big one for 22 years, so..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I've got this new firecracker, and I can't decide what to blow up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Luke, that's dangerous." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I know. That's what's fun about it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't get boys. What is so great about destroying things?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It turns stuff into flying chunks of stuff." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, no. No, g-give it to me. Come on, give it to me." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Fine. I take it back. You're not that fun." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, hey, look, um, we'll do it together, all right?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You just made the best decision of your life." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Come on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Damn it! Buttercup! What the hell's wrong with this horse?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay. Wow. I want to talk to you about that son-in-law crack you made at breakfast." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I didn't mean anything by that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think you did. I get that I wasn't your first choice to marry Claire, but it's been 18 years, and there hasn't been a day when I wasn't a loyal husband to" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Phil, wait up. Let me ask you something, man to man." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You notice anything funny about the... Hank character and, uh..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gloria? Yeah, He's hitting on her. Why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I knew it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Destiny Ridge. Buttercup, ha! Buttercup, hiya! Seriously?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Okay, it's clear." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "After this, we're gonna have some angry birds." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. It's gonna be \"Bye bye Birdie.\" It's a big musical from the '60s. No. Forget it. What you said. Okay. Okay, go." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry, buddy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I brought that thing all the way from... whoa!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Whoa!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I did a boy thing! I blew up the birdhouse! You should have seen it. It was so awesome." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's great!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. I think I can do this. I mean, maybe not everything and maybe not right away, and not the three stooges..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I do. I want a son. I'm sorry I panicked." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's great. Now maybe we can go back to taking pictures for the book." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes! Pictures of me blowing up stuff!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, I see we've overcorrected." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know you think I'm the mean mom who wouldn't let you marry your boyfriend, but someday you're gonna realize, I-I did what had to be done." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, you didn't. I was never gonna marry Dylan. I told him no. But it was my proposal to turn down. You know, you keep telling me to act like an adult, but then you don't even give me a chance." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. You sort of got me there. But, sweetheart, I don't expect you to understand this. I certainly didn't when I was your age. I look at you as my baby, and I always will. It's... it's just what moms do." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm not a baby anymore! Okay? And I am never gonna see Dylan again! Dylan! Dylan!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Where are you?!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Wyoming!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You're okay!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I had the craziest night. When you rejected me, I felt lost and scared. And then I went out on a walk, and I felt a whole different kind of lost and scared. And then I fell asleep in the stable. And when I woke up, I met this woman named Jake who's strong like a man. Then we had this long talk, and he/she hired me." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, what... what do you mean, she hired you?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I work here now. Haley : S-so you're staying? Dylan : Yeah." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What about us?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "It could never work. We're from two different worlds. You're a high school student, and I'm a ranch hand." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm just... I'm so glad you're okay. I really am. I am." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Thanks. But we're not supposed to fraternize with the guests." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right." } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Dylan! Dylan!" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "You got a voice like a meadowlark, don't ya?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Dylan!" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Yeah, I sure am worried about that kid." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Dylan! He ain't down there." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Oh, come on now. You come up here for the cowboy experience. You're looking at him." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do I look like the kind of woman that would cheat on her husband?" }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey! I think you better move away from that woman." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Only we touch our women when they don't want us to." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Easy. Easy there, friend-o. I wasn't hitting on this filly. This is all part of the package. If I didn't play the bad guy, he wouldn't get to ride up and be the big hero." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He doesn't need you to make him a hero. He's a hero every day." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why don't you do us all a favor? Get back on your horse, ride down to the lodge and tell 'em Can you keep him still? I'm trying to make a point." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am." }, { "from": "Hank", "value": "Okay. Okay, I'm gone. Ma'am." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait. Wait. There's something I wanna say to you. I will only be checking \"somewhat satisfied\" on our comment card." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Jeez." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I mean, he was great with the kids." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I looked it up. The distance between our houses is 2,443 miles." }, { "from": "Jimmy", "value": "Yeah, but, you know, on some maps, it's like.\tpfft! This big." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "God, you're stupid." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All in all, it was a great vacation. We may have lost a man.\tBut out there" } ] }, { "id": "episode_01_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, let's see... Oh, could you grab me an extra virgin..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think one's enough for the sacrifice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Olive oil, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on. That's funny." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, it's funnier than your freestyle \"sandwich rap.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Girl, you crazy. I'm mad fun to shop with. ♪ Trapped in between two whole wheat slices. Pastrami and Swiss are my only vices. ♪" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, my shoe. Come on. Jesus. God." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hello." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, roadblock. Beep beep! Pardon me." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Actually, not okay. Not okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, did you pull from the bottom again?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're having the family over tomorrow night to tell them we're planning on adopting a new baby." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, and we both agreed to... to go a little more low-key with the announcement this time." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, just to be clear, this is low-key?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's a banner and just some light musical accompaniment, Mitchell. I don't have a lower key. Besides, this is a happy occasion. Am I right, Lily? Aren't you excited to get a new baby brother?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "No! I hate the baby!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We are having a slight issue getting Lily on board with the adoption. \"I hate the baby.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"No new baby.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"I wanna make the baby dead.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I thought we weren't gonna share that one." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I-I-I just hope that the problem is she hasn't spent much time with any babies." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So we thought it would be a great idea to show her how much fun it'll be to have one around." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, he is so cute!" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Yeah, and he never cries. Literally never. It's actually a little weird. Cameron : Oh, no, that's not weird. My sister was born with a full set of teeth. Mitchell : Yeah, that never happened." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. No? Really? You should've seen her crib. It looked like beavers lived there." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh, is this Lily?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yes, it is. Hey, honey. Say hi to the baby." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "My Daddy!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh! Okay, so that's one problem solved." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Bye! See you soon! Or never." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I'm a little freaked out about what Lily did." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, please. She barely touched him, and he went from zero to big crybaby." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're talking about bringing another child into this house. How's that gonna work with Lily being so possessive of you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why am I hearing an accusatory tone?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, come on. You have to admit that you do coddle her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I will not apologize for loving our daughter." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm not criticizing. I'm not only criticizing, but we did talk about giving Lily a little more independence." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, which is why we put her in preschool." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, but you can't bear to leave her there. You always pick her up early." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That is ridiculous." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Okay. Lily, honey, did daddy pick you up early from preschool today?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Case closed." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "We didn't go. Mitchell : Case opened. Lily : We went shopping. Cameron : That's enough." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "We bought matchy hats." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You are going to your room." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're both going to her room." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, you calm down! This is how I talk when somebody accuses my Manny of stealing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who is that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's the principal. He's saying that Manny stole some girl's locket. What, do you think that all Colombians are criminals because a Colombian necktie is a symbol of violence all over the world? No, no, I'm not threatening you. Okay. Apology accepted. No, I didn't mean anything about the necktie. I just... I was trying to make a point." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Could you \"L\" a little less \"O L\"? Don't you see what I'm trying to do here?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Die alone?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Girls, dinner!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You know, why does Luke get his own room, and I still have to share with you? I can't take it anymore." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Me either, even if it is just for one more year... When I leave for college." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Is it one more year or when you leave for college? Because those happen to be two different things." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "So I hear this little voice coming from the cans and it's like... \"Help! I fell in the peaches!\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's Mom! Hilarious!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So hilarious. I'm like, \"Claire?\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You might wanna tell them that it was you who pushed me into the peaches in the first place." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This again? I wasn't even near you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, you were! You knocked me with the cart. It was completely your fault." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, let's just agree to disagree. Claire : No. I-I disagree to disagree. Phil : Then you agree." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No, I don't, because I'm right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, Claire. You're right." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "As usual. Claire : No, I am right. Haley : Like always." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Stop it. When I am wrong, I admit it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Which is never." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Fine. Fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're a little jumpy tonight, Manny. Anything wrong?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. Well, I'm just gonna..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Have a seat, kid. You know, maybe it's me, but I thought you were kinda squirrelly tonight, you know, before when your mom was on the phone with the principal. Almost like you wanted to say something... But you just couldn't. Anything you wanna say now, Manny?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. I have nothing to say." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You sure about that? Think real hard." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Could I get a glass of water?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That girl's locket... you took it, didn't you?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Um..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Didn't you?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yes. Yes, I took it. I didn't mean to." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't wanna hear any excuses. You're gonna tell your mom, and you're gonna set this right. Do you understand? All right, get out of here. Just one more thing. You're not, um... You're not wearing that locket, are you?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. Of course not. It's a girl's. Why would I want to wear it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No reason." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom, hurry up! I don't want to be late for school." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You didn't tell her, did you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's the hurry this morning? Okay, what's with the looks? It's like a silent movie in here." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay. I was walking behind this girl Alicia, who's moving away, and I was working up the courage to get her new address so I can write her. I express myself a lot better on paper than..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tick-tock, kid." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, she dropped her locket, and I picked it up, but she kept walking, and I..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You stole the locket. After I told the principal that you could have never done something like that, and I threaten him with the Colombian necktie! Manny, why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't worry. It wasn't 'cause he wanted to wear it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I thought I could keep it as something to remember her by. But then you were yelling at Mr. Vickers, and I-I was just too scared to tell you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go to the car." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm really sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go. Why would he do something like that? It's bad enough that he's the boy with the pan flute and the puffy shirts and... and the poems. Now he's the jewelry thief." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Might be an upgrade." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Jay, this is not funny. Those things stick to you. My cousin Rosa Marina, when she was 14, she stole something, and after that, everybody thinks of her as the girl who steals cars." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She stole a car?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Cars. But after she got that label, what else could she do?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, you can't control what kids think, but you can make sure he learns from this. You take him to the principal's office, he owns up to it, he never does it again." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. Okay. But what was he thinking? This is not even real gold." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "No way, Haley! It was my idea! I'm taking this room!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Over my dead body! This is going to be my room, and there's nothing you can do about it!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Seriously?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What are you guys fighting about?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, so we both think that this would make a totally awesome bedroom." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "But only one of us can have it. Don't you think it should be me?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, so not. It should be me. Right, Luke?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why do you guys wanna move into the attic?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, you mean \"the penthouse\"?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "With all the privacy of being on its very own floor?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It is kinda cool." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Good morning, princess. Good morning, Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Very adorable, Mitchell, but I'm having kind of a rough morning," }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Daddy, up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry, Lily, those days are over. Now here's your lunch. Go get your bag. We will be leaving shortly." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, you don't have to ice her out completely." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you think I'm enjoying this? But I need her to detach from me before the new thing comes or who knows what she'll do to it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Why are you saying \"thing\" instead of \"baby\"?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Kill the new baby." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Um, look, I-I-I know this is hard, but I really appreciate what you're doing. And believe me, I take no pleasure in seeing you suffer like this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lily", "value": "Ready." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Could you please just go put her in her car seat while I compose myself?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, you know what, Cam? Why don't I just take Lily to preschool on my way to work?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think that would be best. Let me just whip up a smoothie for you before you go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lily", "value": "I push the buttons, Daddy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You certainly do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "What do you think the principal's going to do to me? I am a first-time offender. Oh, great. Now I'm tardy. Strike two." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, think of this in a positive way, like it is your \"ha ha\" moment." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What does that mean?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That means that one day, you're gonna laugh about it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Ah, I should've just given that stupid necklace back to Alicia when she was standing right next to her locker. This is the worst day of my life, till tomorrow..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "And every day after that. Come on, Mom. Let's get this over with." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Wait." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Which one did you say that it was her locker? This one?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mm-hmm. The one that smells like rose oil. Mom?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Keep the lookout. Now promise me that you will never, ever do anything dishonest again." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I promise." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, because that's not the way I raised you. Don't tell Jay anything, okay?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mnh-mnh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Elaine", "value": "Hi, Lily. Mitchell : All right, Lily. Elaine : Hi." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Have fun, sweetheart. Bye." }, { "from": "Elaine", "value": "She is so sweet." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, thanks. Well, you should've seen her yesterday. Yeah, she pushed a baby off of Cam's lap." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Elaine", "value": "Huh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know. I know. She is so possessive of him, but, you know, Cam's really working on trying not to coddle her so much, So..." }, { "from": "Elaine", "value": "Mm-hmm. I'm not really sure it's about coddling. Sounds more like a sharing issue. You know, we've noticed Lily has a hard time with that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Elaine", "value": "I wouldn't worry. Kids usually pick that habit up from other kids, except the ones that pick it up from their parents. We have a few of those in here. Of course, I can't share those names with you... Until I get a glass of wine in my hand." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Oh, miss Elaine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "My chicken... My pillow." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ow! Mmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Daddy's pen." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's going on?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Moving into the attic. Give me a day or two to get settled, then I'll have you up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "When did all this happen?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Depends on who you ask. My plan's been in motion for three weeks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, this is a terrible idea. You're gonna hate it up there." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, stay out of this." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah. We all have our own rooms now. Everybody wins." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, don't get too comfortable in there, girls. Luke, it's cold, and it's scary up there. You're gonna be back in your own room by tomorrow night." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know, Claire. It's got a lot of potential. This is a lot nicer than the attic I lived in when we met." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "One night, if that. Trust me on this." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, yes, because you're always right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong. I just don't live with the right people for that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let it go, kids. She's not gonna budge. Kept me up all night with the..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, you did push me!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Your word against mine. Guess it's one of those things we'll just never know, like what really happened to the \"Titanic.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It hit an iceberg." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Maybe." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, there's no maybe. Phil : Oh, you're right, Claire. Haley : Again." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Surprise, surprise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I-I will see you over at Uncle Mitchell's. I'm gonna skip this meeting of the \"Pile on Claire club\"." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Guess I pushed her into that pile, too." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I spend half my life waiting on you. How many times do you have to change your outfit?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Sorry, Jay. Too many choices is a prison. Gloria : Just drive before he rethinks the pants. Manny : What's wrong with my pants?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go. Go. Go." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So, Manny, how'd it go with the principal today?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It was terrible, but he was brave, and now it's over. Right, Manny?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm. So d..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What'd they give you? Detention? Suspension?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, just a warning because it was first offense. So how was work?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Great. Just a warning, huh?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Like she said." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So I ask about work, and you change the subject." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you trying to hide something?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, I just wanna make sure he's okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You okay? 'Cause, I mean, it looks like you're sweatin' bullets back there, kid." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Stop grilling him. First the principal, now you. This poor boy has been screamed at all day." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, not to mention..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Quiet! I've got this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where is Lily?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um, she's getting dressed." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All by herself?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam is encouraging her to be more independent. Oh. And there she is!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ah! Ah!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Doesn't she look beautiful?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey there!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi, guys. Come on in. How's it going?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, do you guy have any old furniture? I'm moving into the attic." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The attic?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, at least it's big. Grandpa said you used to live in the closet." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Okay. Well, you know what? Yeah, we'll absolutely find you something for sure. Okay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lily", "value": "My Daddy!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily, no! I-I'm sorry, Luke." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "This isn't over." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God. Mitchell, she's getting worse. I have turned her into a pushy, little, entitled monster on her way to a rap sheet and a bracelet on her ankle. Oh, she has a bracelet on her ankle." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam. Cam, Cam, This... this might not be entirely your fault." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, it is." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I spoke with Lily's teacher, and she thinks that--that she may have a problem with sharing, which she might have gotten from..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You. You don't like to share." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I do it to make a point sometimes. Like, if you want the chicken, then order the chicken." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wait, when did you talk to Lily's teacher?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, today, when I--when I dropped her off at school." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And you let me suffer all day?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, look, we... we can't do this with everybody here. Can we please just get through the evening?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, but we are not making the announcement tonight because that is a joyful thing, and I am not feeling very joyful right now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I share your feeling." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just so you know, I'm on to you. You never took Manny to the principal. Okay, play it like that, but I know Manny. He has more of a conscience than you have. He's not gonna be able to live with this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You'd be surprised what people can live with, Jay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, miss Lily. How's my big girl doing?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Can you tell me how old you are now?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Three." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's four. This is three. Okay, show me again. How old are you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lily", "value": "Three." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! That many is four. This many is three." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't argue, Lily. You'll never win." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really, Phil? Okay, I-I was gonna wait until we got home for this, but now I think it's something everyone's gonna enjoy. Guys, everybody, come on down to the TV room. I've got something really special to share." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, how's everybody on drinks?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If this is Alex's graduation again, just leave me the bottle." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm good, Cam." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, everybody. Showtime." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my gosh. It's us at the market. How did you..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh. Yeah, it's security camera footage. Mitchell : I don't understand. What are we watching? Jay : It ain't \"The Godfather,\" I can tell you that much." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, look, I fell yesterday at the market, and Phil and I have been having a little disagreement as to what happened. Just watch. Okay, right here. I stop to fix my shoe, and then Phil... right there. Okay. He makes way for this very attractive woman, whom he conveniently leaves out of his retelling of the story. Now right here, Phil backs up, pushes his butt into the cart, pushes me into the cans! Do you see that?! It's all his fault, just like I said! I was right! Suck it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "When did you get this..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my God. That's why you wanted to come separately." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You went to all that trouble just to prove you were right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It really wasn't that much trouble. I just went to the store, found your friend Jordan the bag boy, who got me the manager. He gave me the address of the off-site security office. I filled out some paperwork. Sally faxed it to corporate. Three minutes later, I'm buying pack of DVDs and burning a copy. Cake." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's like a sickness." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? None of you believed me, so I got proof. You should all be sucking it right now." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hey, please stop with the \"sucking it,\" Claire. The children!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, children are very impressionable. You'll never know what they'll pick up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, Cam, I'm sorry that I blamed it on you, okay? But we both need to look at our actions. I mean, if we're thinking about adopting another baby, then we need to..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You guys... you're adopting another kid?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No! No, no! You're..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "wait!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Congratulations!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're thinking about it. It's not..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, wow!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell's happening here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Is that from \"Footloose\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really, Mitchell? You couldn't even share telling your family! Fine. Fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But why are you upset? This is such good news." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, we're a little on edge because Lily has been acting out like she doesn't want a sibling, and..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, because Mitchell taught her to hate sharing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And/or because Cam wears her like a fanny pack." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, stop blaming each other. No kid wants a sibling. I mean, Claire hated you so much she stuck you in a dryer when you were two." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You put me in the dryer?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I did, but it wasn't 'cause I hated you. My friend Marci said that it wouldn't run with a kid inside it, and I knew it would. I was right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good governor. It's been going on since you were five? Claire: Oh, my God. It is a sickness." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What would make me have that need at such a young age?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How long was I in that dryer? Because I... is this why I'm afraid of tumbling? I had to quit gymnastics, Claire!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A childhood without tumbling?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You knew this and just stood by and did nothing?!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, okay. What's done is done! All you can do is learn from your mistakes. And in that spirit, I would like to propose a toast... to Manny. This week, he did something he wasn't supposed to do, like we all do..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Like we all do! Salud to Manny!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, not yet. But Manny stood up like a man. He admitted he was wrong and he took his licks, and I'm damn proud of him." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, now we clink!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, we clink when I say we clink. So Manny made a mistake, but he didn't take the easy way out. He's got guts, he's got integrity. As far as I'm concerned, he's the best little b..." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, stop! Stop! I didn't do any of that. Mom broke into the locker and threw the necklace inside, and then we ran away like cowards. I'm sorry, Jay! I'm sorry!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I knew it! I was right! I was right!" }, { "from": "All", "value": "Ohh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Who is it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Hi, honey. It's just me. Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. I'm great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, how you liking your new digs?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I know you told me that I'd be cold... And scared..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But I'm not." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I can see that. I was... I was wrong." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You were." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Well, you're gonna hate this then, honey, but I'm gonna need you to go back down and sleep in your old room. I just... I'm worried if you get something so cool this early in your life, you're not gonna have anything to look forward to later." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I-I have to go now?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "You can spend the night tonight here if you want." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh! No, if it's so important to you, I'll go now. You should come, too. Something sleeps over there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait for me. Wait. Wait for me! Wait for me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_02_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay. Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're snoring." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No. Not the cookies." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Of course the cookies. Why do you always want me to fail?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Me? Oh, I'm sorry. I... Look at her!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Come on, we said no Stella in the bed." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, but she's just a little puppy. She probably got scared and snuck in." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, really? How come when Manny has nightmares you don't let him snuck in the bed?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, it's 6:00 in the morning. Can we talk about this later?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Answer the question, Jay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, I'm gonna check the lease, but I'm pretty sure we're not allowed to have a meth lab." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You are a delight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think you're gonna like this. I'm going on a juice fast." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mmm. Love it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Poison. Poison. Poison." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do you think that this is the best week to be doing this?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why not?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, we have that charity thing at my boss' house." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, so what, I'm supposed to put off my quest for wellness until we're no longer socially in demand? That will never happen. I'm too charismatic." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what? I'm gonna do the fast with you. I think it's a great idea, and we should do it together so we're on the same team, you know, us versus food." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know what you're doing... And I really appreciate it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, it'll... it'll be good for me. I've actually put on a few pounds." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, well, you know, I didn't want to say anything." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "TV Commenter", "value": "As the stock market plummeted, brave young men took to the skies, ushering in the golden age of the daredevil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How awesome are people?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "So awesome." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You wanna get that, buddy? I'll pause it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Luke. How's it going? I..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, Uncle Mitchell. I really can't talk. I'm trying to watch a movie. Mitchell : Oh, okay, well, I just wanted to drop off this bag of junk food. Luke : Go on." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, Cam and I are on a juice fast, so having this stuff in the house..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I connected the dots. See ya." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "come on, Dad! You got this! You can do this! Stay focused! Stay hungry!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You okay, buddy?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What? Yeah, hell, yeah, no. Just proud of my Dad!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, honey, you gotta take Luke to school." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Got it. Okay, I haven't fallen three out of the last four times. This afternoon, we go airborne." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah! Yeah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Sitting all by yourself at the table. Now where have I seen that again? Oh, right. Every day in the school cafeteria." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I do that by choice. Haley : The school's choice. Alex : Isn't that your nickname?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, be nice to your sister. Alex, good save." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, sign this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is it? They finally bumped me up to the harder math class. Third period, Mr. waters." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? No, Mom, you cannot sign this. This is my class. You're a freshman. What are you doing in second-year math?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're a senior. What are you still doing in second year math?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Not \"still!\"... Again.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, be nice to your sister. Haley, not a good save." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I knew it would suck having you at my school." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, hang in there. A couple more years, you'll have it all to yourself again. Come on, girls." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, look at this. It's ruined. Stella did this. She chew on my shoe! You have to discipline that stupid dog." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I discipline her all the time." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, really? How? By buying her little cupcakes?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They're not real cupcakes. They're doggy treats in the form of cupcakes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, you should have told that to Manny before he ate one." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, come on. His coat never looked better." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You wouldn't find it so funny if she was destroying your shoes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I don't leave my shoes laying around, so... Gloria : So it's my fault that she chooses to chew my shoe? Jay : I didn't say that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": ": You barely said it. You have to stop coddling her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't coddle her. What? She tries to drink the water. It's funny." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "You don't look at me in class. You don't text me." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Who would text during a class?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What are you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I realize that this situation is not ideal for either one of you, but sometimes we just rise above things. Yes?" }, { "from": "Circulation agent", "value": "Excuse me. Did you notice the curb here is painted yellow?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, no, I did not." }, { "from": "Circulation agent", "value": "Wow. It means loading and unloading." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, well, I was just dropping off my kids." }, { "from": "Circulation agent", "value": "And yet I see no kids emerging from the vehicle." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, we were chatting. At the risk of surprising you a third time, officer, I've been dropping off here for years, and I..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Circulation agent", "value": "Move it. Claire : Okay. You betcha. Alex : What was her problem?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, you know what you should have said to her..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing. I should have said nothing would be the point. I have to see her every day. I mean, why make it worse? That's exactly what I'm talking about. Awkward, unpleasant situation... Rise above. Have a nice day." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Love you! Bye-bye! \"And yet I see no children emerging from the vehicle.\" How'd you like to see my fist emerging into your face? Oh! Now I think of it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Daddy, we hided, but you didn't seek." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Ow. Oh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey. Whatcha got there?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I-I was thinking, I'll take the bullet tomorrow night at my boss' house. You don't have to go to the party. They're... they're boring. Silly cause, you know, lots of people. Parking... Cam, say something." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why do you hate me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't hate you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Then why are you trying to push me out of your life?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Because you... you seem a little... Unhinged." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, well, you know what I think? You should worry a little bit less about me and a little bit more about yourself and what you're gonna wear tomorrow night, because I saw what you have laid out, and I don't think you're gonna like the way you look in photos." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I hadn't landed on that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Her hand's in the air, like, every five seconds, and she actually reminded Mr. Waters to assign homework. The class loved that. Do you know how embarrassed I was?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Not as embarrassed as I was when she said 8 was a prime number. 8, Mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, fine. You know what? I'm gonna call the school today and have your schedules changed, but I want you to know a little part of me died today, okay? I thought the two of you could understand how being in the same class would benefit you both. Alex, you... you could've tutored Haley. Haley, you could've helped Alex with her social skills. Come on. The two of you could've been two Super Dunphys. And instead, what are you? Two bickering half- Dunphys, and I'm the fool that expected more. No, I don't even want to hear it. Just go upstairs. Go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wow. What was that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That was a master class in parenting. Right now our daughters are upstairs making a decision they think is their own, but really, it was an idea that was skillfully implanted by me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Inception, Claire. Dangerous game, but I like it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. What are those?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wire walkers. You want to go to the dance, you gotta wear the shoes. Luke, grab your camera. Luke." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I wasn't sleeping." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I-I think those are... jazz shoes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. Tightrope shoes. Got 'em at an estate sale. Only worn once." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That... that is not a ringing endorsement for... Oh! Phil, honey. Please be ca--careful. Right. Watch the door." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, what'd you get for number 3?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're not going to learn if I just give you answers." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, what if I gave you something in return?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Like what?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You can talk to me in class. Alex : I want lunch at the cool table. Haley : Then I want all the answers. Alex : Then I want a week at the table." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That'll cost you two pop quizzes. month. The midterm." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Deal." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Looking great, Dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "With these steps, I break the surly bonds... Chicken in a basket! Don't look at me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom. Mom. Mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? What? What? What? What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom. Did you call the school yet? Claire : Uh, not yet, but I was just about to. Phil : Uh, Bartles & Jaymes!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Good. Because we are thinking we might want to stay in that class." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? Oh, girls, I don't know about that." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, please let us try it. Super Dunphy?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can't hold her! I can't hold her! Claire : Well, maybe one more week. Haley : Thanks, Mom." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know. Uh, a cup of soup, a Cobb salad. Yeah, it had bacon. Cam, I don't have all day to describe all my meals to you. Stop eating all my things, you stupid animal. No, Cam, not you. I'll call you back. Bad doggy! You want to chew on something? Okay. Okay. Okay. Look at this. Look at this delicious man shoe. Eat it. Come on. Eat it. Eat it. Mmm! Yummy. Eat the shoe. Eat his shoe. Come on. Eat his shoe. Num, num, num, num. Num, num. Yeah, like this. Look. Ah. Delicious." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Drop it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Please. I'm sorry you had to see this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Rose", "value": "Hi, Mrs. Dunphy. This is Rose in the principal's office. Can you hold for Principal Weller?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "John", "value": "Hi, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, John. What'd she do this time? John : Actually, I've got both of them in here. Claire : Both of them? Really?" }, { "from": "John", "value": "Alex was letting Haley copy her homework. Mr. Waters caught them." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I-I don't believe it." }, { "from": "John", "value": "I'm about to have a little talk with them, so they'll be out a few minutes late." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, I'm so sorry, John, and honestly, I-I really am a better mother than this. I promise." }, { "from": "John", "value": "So you've said." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Seriously? Seriously?? Oh. You... Excuse me. Hey, um, what the hell is this?" }, { "from": "Circulation agent", "value": "This zone is for loading and unloading, not for talking on the phone." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I know, but I was talking on the phone to the school that my kids were about to come out of, so..." }, { "from": "Circulation agent", "value": "Are you aware this zone has a time limit?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "N-no, I'm not." }, { "from": "Circulation agent", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know what? I do want to do some unloading. I know your type. Life has been bad to you. It has made you feel small. And then one day somebody gives you a fake cop outfit, a toy badge and a little spongebob tie. Suddenly it's payback time, right? Well, I got news for you, \"Law & Order: Special Parking Unit,\" not my fault." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm really sorry, Dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, it's all right. Everybody throws up at school. If I had a nickel for every time I puked at school, you know how much money I'd have?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "35 cents." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Exactly. Now go get cleaned up, and I'll call the doctor." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wait, Dad, I don't need a doctor." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's up?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "The other day, Uncle Mitchell brought over a bag of junk food so he and Cam could do a Jew fast." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Juice fast?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm pretty sure he said \"Jew.\" But anyway, I took the bag, and I hid it, and I ate it all." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, buddy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I couldn't help myself. I'm weak. Don't look at me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's all right. It's okay. Hey, you learned a lesson. A painful lesson. I guess we both have." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I always saw myself as a guy who could soar through the sky, dancing on a wire. I can't even get across 1/6 inches off the ground." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, maybe that's the problem. Maybe you keep falling because part of you knows that you can fall. Maybe if the wire was much, much higher, you wouldn't fall." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, Luke, Luke, Luke. You are a genius. Come on. We got work to do." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yes! Can I have a doughnut first?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, you can!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ah, there they are, my Super Dunphys." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We're sorry, but we just..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Unh-unh-unh. You don't get to talk. You had a chance to be better people today. You, to be more well-rounded, and you, to be a better student. You could have elevated the Dunphy name, but instead, you chose to tarnish it, so, congratulations, ladies, you brought this family to a new low." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, are you..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, I am, and I would actually like to get these loosened up, if I might." }, { "from": "Circulation agent", "value": "Are we gonna have any more trouble?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, ma'am." }, { "from": "Janet", "value": "Oh, Claire, do you need me to drive the girls?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All good, Janet. All good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Waiter", "value": "Goat cheese Risotto ball?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Waiter", "value": "Are you sure? They're so good." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Walk away." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam! Don't be mad at me, but I think that you really need to eat something." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What? You're supposed to be my support. Oh, away from me, temptress. And I never thought I would call you that in a negative way." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I've seen her do a lot of crazy stuff, but this is a whole new level. Is this a people cookie?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're good." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A definitive \"yes\" or \"no\" would be appreciated. Those cupcakes did a number on me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you happy? You have reduced me to a person who eats a shoe." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, sit." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You think this is funny? To talk to me like I am a dog?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not talking to you like you're a dog. I'm just asking you to sit so we can get to the bottom of this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good girl." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Come on. You set me up." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, why are you acting so crazy? It's just a little dog." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's not the little dog that is making me crazy. It's you that is making me crazy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, you used to put me first. You used to want me in that shower." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Should I be here for this?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Charlie", "value": "As you can imagine, I get asked to help, uh, with a lot of these environmental causes. Usually, I buy a ticket, uh, bid on Shaquille O'Neal's big shoe... And, uh, come home. But then, something happened. I love paddle surfing, and each time I'd go out, I'd see this one sea lion. He'd pop his head up. He'd check me out. I got so used to seeing him, I even named him... Snorkels." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, God, I do not like where this is going." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "So one day, I, uh, I go out and I see Snorkels. But he's doing this weird twisting thing in the water." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shh, shh." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "So I paddle over, and I see he's got a plastic grocery bag wrapped around his neck and one of his fins. And I freaked, tried to get it off with my paddle. It didn't work, so I-I jumped in, but he disappeared under the water. And, uh..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't say it. Don't you dare say it." }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "And I never saw him again." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ohh. This is the saddest thing I've ever... Mitchell, are you okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Of course I'm not okay. None of this is okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, well, you need to pull yourself together 'cause we're at your boss' house." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He drowned, Cam!" }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "Is he all right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, yeah, I just think he needs a little air. Mitchell : You know who else needed air? Snorkels! Cameron : Excuse me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Snorkels?! Where are you, Snorkels?!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, get back here!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Snorkels!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, what is wrong with you?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What do you think is wrong with me? I'm starving!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, if you're starving, then just eat something!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I can't eat something because then you'll get mad at me, and we're at my boss' house!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm not gonna get mad at you! I appreciate what you're doing for me! I'm doing it for you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, you don't have to do anything for me. I love you just the way you are." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I love you just the way you are. I got you! I got you, babe!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Okay. Thank you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I got you!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, I can walk. I can walk." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I got you!" }, { "from": "Charlie", "value": "I think Mitchell may just be a work friend." } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I let down my Mom and Dad today, and... worse than that, I let down my teacher." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's all my fault. Everything I touch turns to Detention." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm sorry, Mom." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Me, too." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I don't really have a whole lot of moral high ground to stand on. I wasn't exactly my best self today either. All in all, not a great day for the Dunphys." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Come on, Dad! Believe in yourself! You're making the impossible unimpossible." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil. Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Don't even bother. He's in the zone. He can't hear you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Go, Dad!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You got this!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're awesome!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my goodness!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_03_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Did you have fun?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Yes. She's the cutest dog in the whole world." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, I heard you the first time." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's go find your daddies." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're in here! Oh, my God. These cupcakes are so good." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm so sorry. We helped ourselves. We were so hungry. They are delicious." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I love that they're not too sweet, you know?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mmm. Mmm. They taste almost like pate. You know, I mean..." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "But why are you eating?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We've been on a juice cleanse. You need to mind your own business, sweetie, for right now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "So then what happened?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well she didn't show up to school the next day... and... I heard that she slept over at his dorm." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No Way!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Seriously, are you surprised? Do you not know Carly? Have you seen what she wears to school?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Girls, lets cool it on the gossip. Okay? It's not right and Carly's got enough problems." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well ... her mom can't get through soccer practice Without a thermos of chardonnay... And don't get me started on the dad. That guy is..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! This is such a dangerous intersection!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Did I get lipstick on my face?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, you're fine. And consider yourself lucky You didn't just get, like, felt up by your mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They need to get a stop sign." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What is your obsession with traffic?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's an obsession with safety. One of these days, Joe Speeder's gonna come tearing through here, and somebody's gonna... Aah!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm okay. Oh, hey, guys." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. No, I'm good. Gotta keep moving. Keep the heart rate up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Okay. Haley : How's my face? Alex : Still good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, how many times do I have to tell you to pull your car all the way in? The gate was open all night." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We live in a nice neighborhood. What are you afraid of? That some money's gonna fly in and then your gardener is gonna have to rake it up?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay, I'm going to need you to cut me a check." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What now?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Drama club trip. \"Les Miserables.\" We're selling wrapping paper to raise money for the tickets." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. No. Wait. Wait. Slow down. What's the story exactly?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, Jean Valjean spent 19 years in prison for stealing a loaf of bread." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The wrapping paper." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "19 years for a loaf of bread? How good was this bread?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It wasn't about the bread. It was about the society..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Focus, people." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, we will buy all your wrapping paper." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. No, we won't. No, he's got to learn to sell. This is the best business training there is, Hell, the best life training. Manny, write this down... \"A good salesman goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat and brings the tartar sauce with him.\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay is always telling me to \"Write this down.\" I don't always catch everything he says. \"Something, something, firm handshake.\" \"Never take the first room they show you.\" Not sure who \"They\" is. And this one just says \"Pancakes.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, what's this scribble on the \"Vanity fair\" about an adoption agency?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, uh, yeah, they called to say they wanted to reschedule our home visit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "When? Why didn't you tell me? Th-this is kind of important." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, when does it say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, well, who knows? It disappears into Jennifer Aniston's hair. You gotta get a better system." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There is nothing wrong with my system. Ask me anything about any upcoming event. I can tell you when and where it is." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "When is the adoption agency visit?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Is that a \"5\" or a curl? Oh, I hope Jen's finally found love." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What happened here?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, Lily and I woke up in a French mood, so we decided to whip up some crepes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "When are you gonna be in the mood to wipe up some crepes?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I know, it's a little messy, but... You know what? I'm gonna clean it up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Cameron : I'll clean it up. Mitchell : Will you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just say what's on your mind." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You never clean up. Save the gasp. Cam, whenever you get creative in the kitchen, I'm the one who ends up cleaning it up, okay? The homemade pizza, fondue, molecular gastronomy. I'm still cleaning shrimp foam out of the curtains." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, you know, Mitchell? Just go to work, okay? I'm gonna take Lily to school, and then when I get home, I'm gonna scrub this place like a crime scene, which it is, because you've murdered joy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, buddy. What's up? Luke : Hey, dad. Think fast. Phil : Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my god!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "If we had that on tape, it'd be the greatest youtube video ever!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "We'd get, like, a million hits. This is our double rainbow!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We need to do it again." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I would, buddy, but, uh, your mom's all over me to change a bunch of lightbulbs." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How many moms does it take to screw on a lightbulb?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "None, 'cause they get you to do it, sucker." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "We're home!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Us, too." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, great. You're all here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's up, girl?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. You know that really dangerous intersection?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Where desire meets jealousy, and the result is murder?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mnh-mnh. The one where I almost killed you this morning." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah. Sorry. That was my bad. I got lost in my jams. Dangerous combo... speed walking and speedwagon. Oh. I wasn't even trying for that." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Nice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I am getting us a stop sign. I called City Hall, and how is this for amazing? The traffic committee meets tonight." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I've got goosebumps." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know, right? All I have to do is get 50 signatures, show up, make my case. It's on." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am so proud of you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We all are." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"Do your homework. Alex : Clean your room.\" Luke : \"Put on pants.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Like the queen's coming over. Am I right? So when she's not around or gets busy, Luke and I capitalize on the situation." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Well, I think it's awesome." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am so glad because I could really use your help getting these signatures." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll do it, soon as I change those lightbulbs you wanted." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Great. Kids?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Crud. You know, I've got a ton of homework." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Uh, science project." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I need to get started on my college essay. You know what? Maybe I'll write it about you. You're just so inspirational. Girl power! You rock." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thanks, honey. I do rock." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey there, Mr. Salesman." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can we not talk about business?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That bad, huh?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I gave it everything I got... Working the dimples, going big eyes. It got me two things... diddly and squat." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How many houses you hit?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know. Must've been at least three." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Three? And that's your idea of the best you got?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It was very hard on me. I'm not used to rejection... Or hills." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, you can't quit after three houses. That's... that's not perseverance. What are you selling?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wrapping paper." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wrong. You're selling Christmas... The excitement of opening presents, the taste of eggnog." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I do love eggnog." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look, write this down... \"What's the difference between 'try' and 'triumph'?\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A little oomph?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "A little oomph. Get it?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Of course I get it. I just said it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hey! I'm gonna kill you when I find you, silly dog! Why don't you come back? Stella!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I have a theory." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Cam, thank you for helping me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, it's my pleasure. Stella! Stella! Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What? Do you see her?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. But I see myself in the role I was born to play. Stella! Stella!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello? Oh, Mitchell, you are not gonna believe this. I'm out helping Gloria look for her dog. I'm wearing an undershirt and I'm screaming \"Stella,\" just like in \"Streetcar.\" Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You didn't clean the kitchen." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, I am an inadvertent Stanley Kowalski. How can you not be delighted by this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You promised." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was called away for an emergency. Gloria's lost her dog, and she's heartbroken." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where are you, dumb dog? I hope in a big, black hole. Mitchell : I cannot believe that you did this to me yet again. Oh. Cameron : I didn't do anything. I cooked a meal in our kitchen." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And then you left on purpose, knowing that I would not be able to sit here without cleaning it up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Life is messy sometimes. Big deal. It gets cleaned up. You're the one with a problem if you can't leave a few dirty dishes for a couple hours." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "O-okay, fine. C-Cam, I'm not cleaning it up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I mean it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Perfect. You know what? Why don't you make it bigger?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what? I will. I-I... Okay, you know, get... get ready, because you are gonna come home to... to a giant mess." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And I will give him a giant hug when I get there. Stella!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, dad. Think fast." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Wow. Buddy. I'm sorry. I told you, I gotta change the lightbulbs and then help your mom with those signatures." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Never mind. I guess it was a stupid idea anyways." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here we go. Take 12. Hey, buddy! I'm home!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, dad. Think fast. Wow. You know, my arm's starting to hurt a little." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? 'Cause my face feels great." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Come on, dad. Let's not turn on each other. We could be here a while." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Okay. You're right. Here we go. Take nine." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You're not even trying." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lily", "value": "Daddy, I'm hungry." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What do you want, honey?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Raisins." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right well, go get 'em." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "It's too high, daddy. I can't reach." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Man", "value": "No, thanks." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me show you how it's done. Hi. Uh, Jay Pritchett here. Holidays are just around the corner." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I'm sorry. I don't believe in wrapping paper." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you mean you don't believe in wrapping paper? It's not Bigfoot. It exists." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "It's not eco-friendly. It's wasteful." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, not this stuff. This paper was made from 100% recycled materials." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't think so." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Old Man", "value": "I can't understand what you're saying." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She's an ugly little fresh bulldog with the tiny ears and the smushy face. What is so hard to understand?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe I should translate." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Weird man", "value": "I really don't like people coming to my door unannounced while I'm working on my carving." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I understand, but a stop sign is really important. What exactly are you carving?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hello, ma'am. Do you love christmas?" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Actually, I'm jewish." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, well, then you must appreciate a good value." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, jeez." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "See? You're not keeping your head in the right position. Phil : I know that's me, but I'm not remembering any of this. Claire : Oh. Those stupid neighbors!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't ask for a simple signature, but it's fine for them to build a house that looks like the Beverly Hillbillies just moved in. Did you do any better?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We came close a few times, but you're not talking about the basketball, are you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, tell me you got some signatures. I have to be at City Hall in, like, two hours. Oh, god. Haley, how about you?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I've been busy with my college essay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? Where is it?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's in a rough, rough draft right now. I've been thinking that maybe that I should... Alex has been skyping with her boyfriend since you left." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's so not true!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Really, thank all of you so much for your help. Really?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sometimes those things need to warm up, like the car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, don't even. I have been out there, trying to do something good for our community, because let me tell you, change doesn't just happen. It is forged by empowered women like me and Norma Rae and the lady from \"The Blind Side.\" Do you know what the difference is between me and her? Blind side's family had her back." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Huddle up, everybody. Your mother's right. She's the quarterback of this family, and we need to protect her like blind side did." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "She just said the mom was blind side." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, she's confused. Blind side was the black kid who played tight end." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Offense line." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry. African-american kid." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "There she is. Ay! Stella! Ay, thank god you found my dog. Thank you." }, { "from": "Blanche", "value": "This is my dog. Her name's Pinky." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's not. Her name is Stella. It says right here on the tag. Look." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, uh, uh, excuse me. Hi, sweetie. What's your name?" }, { "from": "Blanche", "value": "Blanche." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Shut up. Mitchell would die. Listen, we don't know you. You seem like a very sweet little girl, and right now we're forced to... I can't believe I'm saying this to you... rely on the kindness of strangers." }, { "from": "Blanche", "value": "I'll sell her to you for $200. Gloria : That's it. Give me my dog. Blanche : Aah!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, really? The little girl thinks because she can scream, she can get away with everything? I can scream, too. Aah!" }, { "from": "Blanche", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Aah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell sound is that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Coyotes must've got a cat. Jay, can we stop now? I'm getting hungry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what the problem is? You're not hungry." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I had a carrot at 3:00." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What if you couldn't feed your family unless you made this next sale? What if you were gonna lose your house?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on! Let's hit another one." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I can't do it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't have what it takes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What kind of talk is that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's the truth, Jay. I'm not a great salesman. I'm not a great businessman. I'm not you. Do you know what it's like to see all the amazing things you've accomplished, knowing I never will? How am I supposed to live up to you? How is anyone?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, so the fish weren't biting today. So what? That's life. You tried hard, and that's what matters." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, I-I actually need some wrapping paper. You know where I can find some?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You don't have to do that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I want to do it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You'll never go broke playing to a rich guy's ego... Write that down." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Thanks so much, you guys." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Maybe you should make a wish." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, hi. Oh, sorry. Um, I'm here for the traffic committee meeting?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "The meeting's been adjourned." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Um..." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "It's my birthday." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. Happy birthday. Uh, just... someone sent me to the wrong room, and you guys don't meet again for months, and this is pretty much a matter of life and death, so..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Uh, yeah, it's fine. Uh, just... if you could make it quick. We... it's an ice cream cake." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "A-actually, it's not. Head of Committee : What? Man : No." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Really? Oh, then we... we're not in a rush, I guess. At all. No rush. Go ahead." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Great. My name is Claire Dunphy, and my family and I live near that intersection of..." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Why not? Why not?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "The freezer was broken, and we couldn't keep it here." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "See? This is why I ask you to think ahead, okay? Do you have your 50 signatures?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, almost. I have 34, but I..." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Oh. That's the same thing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. I'm confused." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "It's not the same thing. No. No. 34 is not the same thing as 50, just like a cake is not the same thing as an ice cream cake." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right. I get that. Sir, I'm trying to save lives here..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "And I can get you the rest of the signatures." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom! Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you doing here? Girls." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We... we went door to door and we got you 20 more signatures." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is so sweet of you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, you were freaking out at us, so..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, you know, let's not ruin it. All right, 54 signatures. Okay. So what do you say? Let's start saving lives one intersection at a time." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Okay, thank you very much. We will, uh, take these under advisement. Just leave 'em here, and thank you..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait a minute. I know what that means." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Oh, here we go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's Washington-speak for \"Get lost.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, um, wow, Phil. What are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm your husband. I'm blindsiding you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Your honor, permission to approach." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not a judge." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "I'll allow it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll get straight to the point because this is important, and that appears to be an ice cream cake." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Well, it's not!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. I present to you \"Stop in the name of life.\" Kick it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Clive Bixby. Can I meet you at Harry's bar in two minutes? Baby, I can do anything in two minutes. I'll just speed through the intersection of Greenleaf and Bristol. It's easy 'cause there's no stop sign." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I love being a kid. I have my whole life ahead of me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Well..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Powerful." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And unconventional, but I believe it makes our point. So what do you say?" }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Well, the kid was all right. I didn't care for you so much. But if I were to give a stop sign to everybody who wanted a stop sign... This city would grind to a halt." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I understand, sir, but..." }, { "from": "Head of Committee", "value": "Thank you, ma'am. Thank you. Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Allow me. Allow me. Ladies and gentlemen, I've lived with this woman for 20 years. If she wants a stop sign... there's gonna be a stop sign." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He's right." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Listen to the man." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Still... no good? No bueno?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm home!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, hey. Did you find Stella?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Safe and sound." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Hey!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I did it! I left the mess. Aren't you proud of me?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I sure am. Good for you!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, it wasn't easy at first, but I just... I took Lily to the park, and I completely put it out of my mind. And I think I really cleared a hurdle today." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's great. I'm super proud of you, And you're... and you're not even tempted to clean it up now?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That's great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, not now that you're home. Cameron : So guess I'd better get started. Mitchell : Yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't like it. It's so gross." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was right. You wanted me to clean it up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's preposterous. I will not stand here and take this from you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam! \"Life is messy. I love chaos.\" You are so full of it. Well, you know what? That's all right. No worries. Hey, come on. Come on, just embrace it. It's life." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no§ Oh! Okay, now that is gratuitous." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it's okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No! That's Lily's favorite cereal. This is ridiculous." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Relax! Hey, Lily! Honey, come here! Sweetheart, do you want a princess hat?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Yes! Yes! Yes!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Oh, okay. That... that is enough! No! You've proven your point. I don't like to clean up. It's smelly, it's sticky, and after I eat, I'm tired, and I just want to lay down." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And you put it off, knowing that I would do it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes! Are you happy?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes... I... Am." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ellen", "value": "Hi. I'm Ellen Roberts from the adoption agency. I'm... Here for the home visit." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I might need to tweak my system." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, dad. Think fast." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sacagawea! Wait, wait, wait... I need a break. Oh! John Philip Sousa! Oh, my..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_04_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "78 views." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We are on our way." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, we are." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Duane", "value": "Hey, sir. Duane Bailey, running for, uh, town council reelection." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, don't look. There's that jerk Duane Bailey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yuck." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I should say something to him, shouldn't I?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I gotta be honest, I was just working off your tone. Who's Duane Bailey, and why do we hate him?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, he's that councilman who shot down my stop sign. Big phony." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Hey! Duane Bailey, seeking reelection, town council. Hope that I can count on your vote." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, you just got it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. You don't remember meeting me, do you? Claire Dunphy. Last month's town council meeting?" }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Oh, yes I do! Yes, I remember you. I want a stop sign. Just having fun. Here, have a pen." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"Duane Bailey. Councilman. Citizen. Puggle breeder.\"" }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "I love them because they're a different mix of breeds, just like America." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I like what he's saying, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He isn't saying anything." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look at his..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We need a stop sign at our intersection." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Everyone says that, but pretty soon, we're stopping at every single corner. Why don't you go ask Canada how that's working out?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He nailed it." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Hi. Duane Bailey. Hi." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"Actor/writer/director who packs a punch.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Sylvester Stallone." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sylvester Stallone. I said it first. Oh, my God. This guy brought his kids, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What, to this movie? Isn't it supposed to be super violent?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry. I don't mean to overstep, but I don't know that this movie is really appropriate for children. I'm terrified to see it. That's why we're here during the day." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "It's okay. We're good." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. I tried." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. All you can do." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I've... I've read this book, and I know what's gonna happen, and it's very disturbing. I really think you might be inviting some pretty serious nightmares here." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Hey, buddy, they're my kids. I got it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, but I don't think you do." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam. Cam. He says he's got it, all right? You said your piece. Just watch the movie." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, uh," }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Gwyneth Paltrow." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I really must insist you not traumatize your kids..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "...by exposing them to gratuitous violence..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop it. Shh!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "...and graphic depictions of..." }, { "from": "Girl", "value": "Daddy, I'm scared." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, well, you're gonna be. I'm gonna tell you one more time." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "No, I'm gonna tell you one more time." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was \"The muppet\" movie. We were in the wrong theater." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Enjoy the show. I was always a fan of the muppets, especially the two guys in the theater who wouldn't shut up." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm running late. This knucklehead's kept me waiting for over an hour. I never had to wait like this when his dad was running things." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah. And soda was a nickel. Just tell them that your family is coming over." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This guy fired his own father. He's not gonna care about my family." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, then just leave. You don't need his money." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Once a week, I have eight family members coming to my house for free food. I'm not going anywhere." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. I see you when I see you. Are you okay? What is wrong?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I want to be homeschooled." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Really, Manny? Do you want me to learn you English? What is going on?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I have a big report due, and the teachers don't seem to care about the substance. All they care about is the flash." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, sometimes you can be a little bit old-fashioned. Remember the first time you saw the kids with the backpacks with wheels and you thought they were too flashy?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're going to school, not boarding a flight to Denver. It's getting absurd. Reuben freestyle-rapped his report on Irish immigrants. That doesn't even make sense. Maybe you do a Riverdance. Maybe." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is your report on?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "The mafia." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Perfect. We do a papier-mache Tommy gun." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, no. We shouldn't have to jazz it up." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, then we go upstairs and we get your old rocking horse and we chop the head off." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, that's a terrible idea. I love Brownie!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Josh", "value": "Hey! There he is. Bring it in, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How you doing, Joshie?" }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "It's Josh now. Have a seat. Ah, all right. So I flipped through your proposal, and here's the thing... We're about to build our largest luxury condo complex yet. And I have an important question for you... What is it you want to build?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Closets." }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "See, I was kinda hoping you'd say \"dreams.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I thought that was implied." }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "Jay, I'm looking for closets nobody's ever seen before, you know, a big \"wow!\" You know what I'm saying?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You want a nice closet with sharp design, quality materials, and expert craftsmanship." }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "Uh, I mean, I want it to be like, bam! You know, people are gonna walk in there and go, \"whoa! What do I hang first?\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, let's talk more specific. What exactly do you like and what don't you like?" }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "All right, fair enough. Uh... I don't like this. This makes me sad. I do like getting my mind blown." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I love your enthusiasm. Uh, before I go off in the wrong direction, how about an example?" }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "All right, check this out. So, like, three weeks ago, I'm down in South Beach. I walk into this thumpin' club. Bartender says, \"what do you wanna drink?\" I say, \"wow me.\" He mixes this thing together. I take one sip, and I'm" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Whatcha doing there? Homework?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What do you want?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I need to borrow some money. It's really important." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "How much?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "$900." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Come on. If you were in trouble, I would do anything for you. We're not just sisters. We're best friends." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Look, I would if I could, but I don't have any money. And since we're talking, I never told anyone this before, and it..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "...Wipe that smug smile off his stupid face." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "His face is stupid." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! I can't believe ridiculous people like him end up in office." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, why don't you run? You're smart, you care about the community, and you're easy on the eyes when you put a little effort into it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you serious?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, you know, maybe change out of the sweaty gym clothes every once in while. I thought you were talking about running for office. Go on." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it. I mean, I know it's a ridiculous little local thing, but it might be fun to get out there and contribute. Plus I think I'd be good at it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You'd be great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. How would this work? I mean, who would be here for the kids after school? Who would take them to practice and recitals and keep them from burning the house down?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It must be so hard being a single mom. Claire, I will. If you wanna fly, I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I wanna be the one to push you off the cliff." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I think I'm gonna do it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. Go fly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Phil!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you want a fry?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I can't eat. We should've stayed and seen \"The muppets.\" I can't even look at ketchup without seeing blood." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ooh, runaway curly fry. You know these are good luck. Mm!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God. What was that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We just got rear-ended." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, pull off to the side street. Pull off to the side street." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I think I cut the roof of my mouth on the straw. Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So yes." }, { "from": "Driver", "value": "Oh, boy. I am so sorry. This is all my fault. Are you guys okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "W-well, I-I sustained a minor mouth injury." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're fine. Thank you. It's..." }, { "from": "Driver", "value": "Look, I feel terrible. Um, don't worry. I'm gonna take care of everything. Let me just get my insurance info." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Thank you. Cameron : Well, he seems nice. Mitchell : Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, if this were a romantic comedy, this would be our meet cute. We'd spend the rest of the afternoon drinking wine, eating food, flying a kite, you know, doing montage-y stuff." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, am I in this movie of yours? Cameron : Yeah, you're the gay best friend. Mitchell : Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God! We have a runner! Mitchell : Um, it's D-W-Y... I can't read it. Cameron : Come on! Let's go! Let's go!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Go where?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We have to chase him down!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, we're not supposed to do that!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Help! Stop that car! He's getting away! Help! Mitchell : Yeah, you almost got him, Cam. You almost got him. Cameron : He's getting away!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey. Whatcha doing? Playing?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do you have any money saved up?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm comfortable." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't forget your lunch." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't forget your lunch money, buddy." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks, dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You bet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Please. It's really important." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Look, I'd love to help you out, but I'm not very liquid right now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am running for town council, and I understand that I can pick up a form here." }, { "from": "Secretary", "value": "Fourth floor. Elevator down the hall." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Oh. Beyonce, when'd you start working here? Secretary : Oh, Duane. He's always saying stuff like that. Duane : Duane Bailey. Running for reelection." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're joking. I just saw you in the parking lot two hours ago." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Oh, hey. It's you! Oh, it's you. What... are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am entering the race for town council, and I am running against you." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Oh. Well, don't you have pluck." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I plan on winning, so..." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Oh, yeah, I bet you do. Marcia! Rocking the bangs! Love it. Do you know why, of all the dogs in the world, I breed puggles?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why do I feel like this is a rhetorical question, and you're about to l..." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "It's because they're lovable, yes, but they're also tenacious hunters who won't quit until the kill is complete." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? 'Cause I feel like they just yip a lot." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Look, lady, you're going down. I've won six straight elections. I don't plan on losing to some bored housewife, so don't quit your lack of a day job." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me. Hello? Anne. Haley did that? Oh, God. Okay. Um... I'll call you right back. For your information, sir, I am no bored housewife. No, I-I would kill for \"bored.\" Why isn't this lighting up?" }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Oh, it's because it's, uh, staff only. Yeah. Here. Allow me to... not get that for you. Good luck!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, I cut my arm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, wow. You sure did, buddy. I'll get you fixed up." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Where's mom?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "She belongs to the people now." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "My allergies are acting up again." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, it is your lucky day, because, missy, Dr. Dad has everything you need. Behold the healing powers of grape flavoring." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Where's mom?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Some people took her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Drink this. Listen, guys, your mom is taking on more responsibilities outside of the... house, but don't you worry. Good old... dad... Oh, my goodness!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm so sorry!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You punched me!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, you gave me the drowsy kind." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There's a drowsy kind?! Alex : I have to study for a test! Luke : Oh! It really hurts!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I'll get you some ice." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No. No, no, no. I'll get it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, you made it. How was it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Eh." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why? What's wrong, babe?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't want to talk about it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do it anyways." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. He barely looks at my proposal, and he says he wants more \"wow.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What does he mean by more \"wow\"?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's the \"Bieber-ization\" of America." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do beavers have to do with anything?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The beavers... they build the dams all over the country so there's no floods, is the \"beaver-ization\" of the Americas." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So why didn't you tell him that you've been in the business for such a long time..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not gonna make any difference. He wants to make a change. And I got a factory full of people depending on this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, but maybe if you tell him that..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, please. I-I-I've had a tough day. Can we please not talk about it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But I want to help." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Trust me. I wish you had the answers." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I do!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, guys. Haley : Hey, grandpa. Alex : Hey, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's with her?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just tired. Growth spurt." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, hey." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hi, guys. Hi, baby girl. Gloria : Hola, Lily. How are you? Lily : Dads are fighting." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, uh, we're not fighting." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, not at all, honey. No. Okay, uh, go play, sweetheart. Okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let's go play with some blocks. Let's go stack some blocks." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. Okay, the reason we're fighting is 'cause this one thinks he's dirty Harry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Having a hard time picturing Clint Eastwood in that shirt." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, let me ask you something. Today, at a stoplight, a guy ran into our car, and then just took off. I wanted to chase after him. Mitchell..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Kept a level head and called the police." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Pfft. Police. Aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, so which one of us did the right thing?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hit and run. Gotta chase him down." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I chase the people all the time." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No. That's... that's irresponsible and dangerous. Okay, well, what if he had been armed?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He wasn't armed. He had a Hillary bumper sticker." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This isn't an isolated incident. This morning he flipped out at somebody at The Muppet movie." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "You saw The Muppet movie without me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. No, honey. Just the first two numbers. No, Lily. Wait." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi. Hi. Hi. Phil, where are you, honey? I need to talk to you. Do you know what our daughter did?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nothing. She's fine. She's reading." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, not her. Haley. Haley! Come over here. I want to talk to you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There she is. Not a scratch on her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you have something you want to say to us?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mmm... let me help you out here. Fake I.D.s?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Haley tried to get her and her friends some fake I.D.s." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I wasn't gonna use them for drinking. We just wanted to get into this club to see a band." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She took a bunch of money from them and then she lost it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How much?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "$900." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're kidding me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God! Oh!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's not my fault! I gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened to your face?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh. I ran into a door." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What happened to your face?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad hit me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It was an accident. I was trying to open up a band-aid!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil! What's wrong with her?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Growth spurt." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's wrong with her?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I drugged her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. All right, one thing at a time. Haley, how are you going to repay your friends?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't know." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know. You go there with a couple of guys..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's gotta get the money back. Who is this kid?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "A guy at school's cousin's friend. He lives in Gardena." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now. Claire's running for town council." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That was before, when I thought you could take care of the children. I take my eye off the ball for one minute, and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye, and one running a crime ring." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, to be fair, Haley started her crime ring when your eye was still on the ball." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's not a crime ring. I just gotta get my hands on that $900." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I know how the mafia would handle this." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The kid is right. I'm sick of these smart-ass punks who keep changing the rules and think they can get away with anything they want. I'm gonna pay this guy a visit. Haley, text me his address." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm going with you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Me, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. No. Nobody's going anywhere. Okay, we're not vigilantes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Shotgun!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "In my country, it is tradition... when the men are out seeking vengeance, the women... they stay home, and they drink." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sometimes I think you just make this stuff up." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you want a drink or not?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So what happened? You were running for office, and now you're not?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. I don't really want to talk about that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know. I am sick and tired of no one needing my help. You are going to tell me what is wrong, and I'm gonna give you the right answer, because I have all of them. So why are you not running for office?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because my family needs me too much. You saw what just happened." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why are you not running for office?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That doesn't work on me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why are you not running for office?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because I don't want to lose! I... pfft! I haven't done anything outside of my house in 18 years. I don't want the first thing that I do to be a complete failure." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. I'm gonna tell you a story about a little girl who entered a beauty pageant... Even though she was very, very scared that she was going to lose." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let me guess. You won." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course I won, but I was talking about my cousin Maria Conchita. She had a nose like a toucan, she stuffed her body in this bikini, and at the end, she finished dead last." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How is that a good story?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Because she faced her fears, and it didn't kill her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What killed her two weeks later was a bus." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you serious?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, because she couldn't see anything coming with that big nose." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "This guy has won six elections. I am way out of my league." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look, I don't know anything about this guy, but I know that you're a tough lady, and I come from a family of tough ladies. And I have to say, sometimes you scare me a little bit. And I know that you're strong enough to win and definitely strong enough to be okay if you lose." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I scare you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you kidding me? \"I want Thanksgiving at my house!\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why does everybody think I talk like that?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "This is it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "W-w-wait. No, no. Come on. Do we have a plan? It doesn't seem like we have a plan." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I got a plan. Either he gives us the money, or he gets a private performance from england Dan and John Ford Coley." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's not a good plan. That's not even a good band." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "If all you're gonna do is criticize, just wait by the car." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, fine. I'll see you in jail. It's gonna be a big adjustment for two of you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ugh." }, { "from": "Peter", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You Peter?" }, { "from": "Peter", "value": "What do you want?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know Haley Dunphy? You owe her $900. We're here to collect." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You dig?" }, { "from": "Peter", "value": "I tried to call that girl, like, ten times, but her voice mail was always... full." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That does sound like Haley." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So how are you gonna make this right?" }, { "from": "Peter", "value": "You guys want the money, right? That's fine. I don't need any hassle. Hold on. I'll just... grab it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That was easy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's lucky he didn't put up a fight. I would've treated him to a reunion of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We got a runner! Runner!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop! Stop! Stop! No. No. No. No. Oh! I got him!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God. You did!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't be so surprised. Help! He's slipping out of his skinny jeans. These are cute. I totally have these." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ha ha ha!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There you go!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, you got it back! Thank you!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, don't thank me. Thank your uncle Mitchell. He's the one who tackled the guy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I got grass stains." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, I will tell you one thing. I have learned my lesson. Disappointing my family and friends is punishment enough." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nice try. You're grounded for two weeks." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, we have big news. Claire has decided to run for mayor after all." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you, but it's town council." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It doesn't matter. You're not going to win anyways. But she's going to be okay. You see? I help the people. Why don't you two let me help you?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, I can't speak for Jay, but I guess I'm just too proud to ask for help." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you serious? She cuts your steak." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What about you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't want to bother you with my business." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What else do I do every day?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't know. I'm guessing the gym and... one other thing? Claire : Dad, you should listen to her. She might really help you. Jay : Huh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She could be an asset." } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And look at the shelves over here. They're for the shoes. Those are my favorite ones. So what do you think?" }, { "from": "Josh", "value": "Wow!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_05_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We never needed fake I.D.s on the farm. We figured if a 16-year-old could drive a tractor, he could drink a beer. Not at the same time, of course. It's Missouri, not Texas." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I used a fake I.D. to get into an \"R\"-rated movie... \"the fabulous Baker boys.\" I found the title to be misleading. Lot of Michelle Pfeiffer... that's all I'm saying." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I remember when I got my fake I.D." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Me, too. Crazy times." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hell, yeah. I tried to enlist in the army, but they saw right through me, so me and a bunch of guys drove across state lines, we got a bunch of booze, we loaded up on fireworks, and I woke up in the morning... I kid you not... in a Mexican strip joint. You?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, I used mine to rent some bowling shoes and kept 'em. Suckers probably spent months trying to track down Dr. Richard Hertz. Think about it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "There she is! The old library. That's some late nights in there. Some of them I even spent studying. Don't tell your mom." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And maybe don't tell me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "College!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He was shielding his eyes from the sun." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Knew it when I hit it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil is taking Haley to visit his Alma Mater." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Loved college." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, we were hoping some of that enthusiasm rubs off on her. Go, bullfrogs!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dogs. Bulldogs. I feel like you do that on purpose." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it's just... I say \"bull, \" and I can't remember if it's frogs or dogs." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "When I talk to my old friends from college, do we croak or do we bark?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "No way! Haley, no way! Check it out! After a few beers, my buds and I would jump on these lunch trays and race down this same hill. Hop on." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't want to to hop on. Phil : Seriously, you'll get the giggles. Haley : I don't want the giggles." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, honey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How's the trip going?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So good." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go, bullfrogs." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's dogs." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, sorry. How's Haley doing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, who is this Bella girl, and why is her name all over your notebook?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Bella's no girl, mom. She has recently blossomed, like a purple lilac in April." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What do you mean, she blossom? Like, the poo-berty?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah. I'll get it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Gloria, your show's about to start." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Record it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, the DVR's filling up. Let's just watch and get it over with." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria's always saying we should do more stuff together. So I agreed to watch this crazy Colombian soap opera she loves." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"Fuego y hielo.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Which apparently, is Spanish for \"big hair and yelling.\" Gloria : \"Fire and ice.\" It's about human suffering. I relate to it. Jay : I'm just saying, the guy's a judge. He can put a shirt on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, what is that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, nothing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That doesn't look like a nothing. What is inside?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, it's just something I bought. I'm gonna go open it in my room." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't like this. Manny has never kept a secret from me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't worry about it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What do you think it could be?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, right now I'm a little worried it could be the rest of my evening." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mwah! Bye-bye. Love you." }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Hey, Claire, listen. Uh, if you want, some of the moms are gonna stay and watch \"Gone with the wind\" in my new screening room. I got Pinot!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I would love to, but I'm not feeling that great, so I'm probably just gonna go home and rest. Plus I've seen that movie." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What the hell is this? No. I asked you guys for a fun night out, not this. I-I-I need music and dancing and secondhand smoke." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, please give this place a chance. It's a great value. The room is so cozy, and the potpies are to die for." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you really comfortable with what you just said? Come on. What happened to the party people who took me to a rave, and I got to wear a tube top, and I stuffed cash in a caged go-go boy's speedo?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're still party people." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, Joanne, before I forget, can I get a punch? One away from a free potpie." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "If that was your gay card, it would be revoked." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you know what, Claire? You're being a little High School you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am sorry, Mitchell, but I get one free night, and I can't spend it at a place that is a proud supporter of Wilson Elementary." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We all need to give back, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Give me back my night." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, Longinus did invite us to a boutique opening, you know, cocktails, DJ. But it'll... it'll be a whole scene, though." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "A scene? A scene is perfect. That's great. I will get in the car before you guys change your mind. Come on. Let's go. Let's go." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So does that mean no potpies?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Was I wrong? Are these not the best wings you've ever had in your life?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And you didn't wanna get 40. Oh, and by the way, this is just the start of your evening. Next up, it's over to the quad for a musical interlude from tenors, anyone? It's an all-male singing group..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Got it." }, { "from": "Girl", "value": "Weren't you on my tour this morning?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, I'm Haley, and this is my d..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Big Brother. You bought it for a second. How are you?" }, { "from": "Girl", "value": "Okay. Anyway, you know what? There is a student mixer going on tonight. If you wanna go, me and a bunch of other girls are gonna head over there." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh! Uh, you know what? That's okay. My dad's got this whole thing planned... but thank you anyway." }, { "from": "Girl", "value": "No problem. Well, it was nice meeting you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nice meeting you. How fun is this? Just me and you. I was a little nervous you wouldn't see what's so special about this place. Not that I'm pushing you to come here. You know, you're... you're gonna make your own decisions. You wanna go with them, don't you?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, we're doing our thing. Phil : Yeah, quick. Before they leave. Haley : Are you sure?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Go. I can handle it. You're not the first girl to leave me at this table with a plateful of chicken wings. I'm kidding! I wish I was kidding. You weren't supposed to hear that. Have fun." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay. Love you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Love you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Longines", "value": "Butt lift. Last summer, that thing was 4 inches off the ground." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do they do with all the butt they take out?" }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "I have a theory." }, { "from": "Longines", "value": "Oh, damn! Here comes my ex." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "Who? Cameron : Randolph? Mitchell : Marcus?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lamichael?" }, { "from": "Longines", "value": "No. Matt. I gotta go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Drama. Love it! This is what I wanted." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "Who needs a drink?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I could use a little seltzer water." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "More bubbly, Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, I will be after I get a drink. See, that's what gay is supposed to be like." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I don't know about you, but I got about five minutes of fabulous left in me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, in my mind, I'm already in our kitchen. I'm watching my potpie rotate in the microwave." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Okay. When did hats come back?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That one's come back about eight times. Pick a side of the room, lady." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, there's, like, a thousand people waiting for wine. I wanna try on a couple of dresses, and then Julian here's gonna take us to a club across town." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think we're gonna go home." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? Why? It's 9:30." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's 9:30?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "When did you two become such old women? First, you take me to that senior center for porridge, and now you can't even stay up past Luke's bedtime?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's Friday. We get tired on Fridays." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We get very tired." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have 3 children. I've been tired since 2005. Let's rally. You're my ride." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "If you want to stay out, I can take you home." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "Of course." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. All right, girls, go home, roll up your hair, clap out the lights, 'cause this guy, who I just met, is gonna show me a good time." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, if he was straight, this would be just like High School." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "This is ridiculous. She's obviously got a pistol under that poncho. How do you watch this stuff?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's been up there for more than one hour. I can't stand this." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who's been up there? Ronaldo's doing the dishes right in front of her." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, in his bedroom." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, are you even watching this? I'm doing this for you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What does he has in that box that he cannot show to me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Little boys are supposed to keep secrets from their mothers. Wait. The judge just peeked through the window. Is he interested in Celia now? She could be his daughter." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I bet it's a birthday gift for me. Yeah, that sounds right." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's he saying? I've never seen him this mad." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Wait a minute. I already found my birthday gift underneath his bed. It's a giant hat. When did hats came back anyway?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now she's reaching under the poncho. Like she's gonna shoot Ronaldo. He's the main character, right?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's it. I'm going up there." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait, Gloria. No. Don't go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why not?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Think about it. 13-year-old boy, talks about girls all day long. We have more security on these computers than the Pentagon. What do you think he's doing up there... alone?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you think he ordered some movies?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Movies, magazines, whatever the hell." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How dare do you say that, Jay?! He's a little boy! He's just a boy. I don't want to talk to you. I'm gonna take a walk." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, come on. Come back. I know you're not mad at me. You just... Oh! What'd she do? Ronaldo!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, come on. Why is my Bluetooth not working? Oh, God. It's Longinus. He's gonna be so mad at us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, Longe. Don't be mad at us for leaving." }, { "from": "Longines", "value": "I went back to our spot, and everybody was gone. Who does that to a sister?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're sorry, but the sitter called, and, uh, Lily was running a fever. So... we feel even worse about dumping Claire on you and your hot date." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who is gorgeous, by the way. Seems super funny, too. Perfect for you." }, { "from": "Longines", "value": "Please, I wish that was a date. He's my trainer, and he's straight." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What? Julian's straight. Oh, I love it when a straight person and a gay person go out together." }, { "from": "Longines", "value": "I'd love it a lot more if he was gay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God. This isn't our car." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This isn't our Prius! They... they must've given us the wrong one at the valet. That's why the Bluetooth isn't working." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We stole a car? Are you serious?" }, { "from": "Longines", "value": "What's happening?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, we stole a car. Uh, we gotta go." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, we did not steal a car, Cam. It was given to us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why are you giving me attitude? You're the one that stole a car." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How is this a stolen car?! How?!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know! I'm confused! Do you have an aspirin?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This isn't my car!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, Lukie. Hi. What's going on? I'll check. I have it. Well, I could bring it by and meet you outside in 20 minutes? No, sw... out... out... Outside, sweetie. Okay. Bye-bye. Do you mind swinging by my kid's sleepover? I gotta give him this retainer. It's on the way to the club." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "Sure, no problem." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You are so sweet. Holy pythons, Batman. Do you ever leave the gym?" }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "Uh, no. Actually, I'm a trainer and a masseur." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to try out that second one. Zip, please." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "I gotta say, this night is turning out to be a lot more fun than I expected." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I've got two kids at sleepovers and one upstate with daddy. The fun is just beginning." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Unbelievable. The valet gave our car away to someone, like, and hour and a half ago." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what that means. Our potpies could be anywhere by now." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Y... they probably went home. If... if we knew their address, maybe we could see if our car was there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah. And how do you propose we do that?" }, { "from": "Car's GPS", "value": "Calculating route home." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, you're good. Oh, and look. Only .6 miles away." }, { "from": "Car's GPS", "value": "Prepare to turn right in 500 feet." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Notice how she didn't wait until after the turn to tell me, Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really? This? Now?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm just..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, look. They went to see Jay-Z. We almost went to see Jay-Z, didn't we?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, no, 'cause remember it started at 8:30." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, which meant he wouldn't have gone on until 10:00." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And then that parking nightmare." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, and those stairs." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I'm hearing it now. Is Claire right? Are we in a rut?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, we might be, especially compared to these people. Look at this. Cancun luggage tickets. A parking pass to Yosemite. A triathlon bib. This is living." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, but you know what? We have Lily, okay? I know. You can't do that with a child." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "They have a car seat." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, fine, we're in a rut." }, { "from": "Car's GPS", "value": "Destination ahead in 900 feet." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, maybe we just need to be around more stimulating people." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, we're gonna be in about 900 feet." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's not the craziest idea. They seem like fun people." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, and maybe we can be new couples friends with them. You know, we can go out to concerts, try exciting new food, maybe do some luxury camping." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, hitch our wagon to their star and see how fast they spice up our life." }, { "from": "Car's GPS", "value": "You have arrived. Cameron : I believe we have. Woman : You dumb son of a bitch!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What's happening?!" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "I can't believe you came back here, you filthy, cheating pig! Where is she? Where is she?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm trying! We are in a rut!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really? You wanna talk about that right now? Mitchell : No, we are stuck! We're in an actual rut. We're stuck. Cameron : Ohh!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God. Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We are victims of a hate crime right now!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Go! Go! Oh, my God" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no, you don't." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Dad, what are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's this, buddy." }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "Ginger ale." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, really? 'Cause is smells... Okay, it smells like ginger ale. But that doesn't prove anything." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What the hell?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We are leaving." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm having a nice time with..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "With this clown? And by the way, it's a little cliche to pick someone who looks exactly like your dad. I got your number, Pi Chi. I know you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, you do. This is Ben Ford. He's in my class. He's visiting, too." }, { "from": "Ben", "value": "You were my T-ball coach. My dad's your doctor. He's right over there." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What is wrong with you? Are you trying to ruin college for me before I even get here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I-I'm not. I am so sorry. You are not a clown. You were an excellent backup shortstop. Alecia. Bruce. Go, bullfrogs... Dogs! Go, bulldogs. Claire!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So Celia's carrying the judge's baby. No wonder she shot him. She's hormonal." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who are you talking to?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The housekeeper. Maria, I've gotta go. Thanks a lot." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, I need you to talk to Manny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, if he's doing what you think he's doing, then he needs to talk to a man. I don't want him to be ashamed of anything." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then you don't want to send me in there." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, but what if... if he has questions? What if he doesn't know how to..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, Gloria, whatever he's going through, he can work it out himself." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Help! I'm stuck!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no, Jay, go. I beg of you! Go! Go! Go! Jay : Gloria. I'm extremely reluctant to do this. Manny : Please hurry!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no. I cannot look at this." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I can't get down, Jay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What? What happened to Manny?! Ay, somebody say something to me!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, it's okay. Come on in." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He was hanging from that bar up there." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What? Why? What do you have on your head? Manny : It's a weighted helmet to stretch me so I can get taller. Gloria : Manny! Why do you have to get tall now?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Love, mom. Why else? I lost Bella to Durkus because, in her words, \"he's tall.\" Everybody else is getting taller but me. You think it's the coffee?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. Maybe. But... but hanging downside up is not gonna help you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "The web site said it would." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Listen, Manny, you're already intelligent and beautiful and funny. If you get tall, you're going to have everything, and those poor boys are not gonna have anything to compete with you. Look at this. You have a mark on your head now. I'm gonna go get you some ice, okay?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's a lot of pretty words, but they don't help me tomorrow." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sorry, kid. It's just one of those things. You get taller when you get taller. Why don't you get ready for bed? Ah, jeez. You know, when I was your age, I started working out to get the girls." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You think that would help?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah. So tomorrow, we start working out. Okay? Maybe I'll even show you a few pull-ups on, uh, this bad boy here, huh? You see that? Pretty soon, that's how strong... you're gonna be." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't want them to know I was here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Oh, Claire, I thought that was you. Thank God. Come in." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't. 'Cause I'm sick, remember? Sorry." }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Well, my DVD player just broke, and none of us know how \"Gone with the wind\" ends. But you saw it, right? I..." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh, is that Claire?" }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "Can you tell us what happened? Claire : I could, but I don't want to ruin it for you. Holly : Claire. Just tell us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um... Scarlett is... really mad at Clark Gable because, um, he says so many bad things. And didn't he, um, burn down a farm or something?" }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Claire, have you been drinking?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I had a hot toddy. Made one for my throat." }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Pretty dressed up for a night in bed, right?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I-I just threw on the first thing I could find... when Luke called, and it was just right there on the chair." }, { "from": "Bethenny", "value": "She has a stamp on her hand." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. All right. Before we bust out the pitchforks and the torches, may I remind you that I've driven every one of your children home and Heimliched at least one, Bethenny." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Hello." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "This is totally inappropriate. But could I use your bathroom? Sorry. You kept pushing the drinks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I... friend. Gay friend. Gay." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "I'm not gay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, you are." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "I-I'm not gay. I'm... I'm French. You thought I was gay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you serious right now?" }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "Well, are you? You've been throwing yourself at me all night." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no. No, I have not." }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Bethenny, grab the Pinot." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Bethenny, do not grab the Pinot." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "You undressed in front of me. You squeezed my arm. You asked me for a massage. What was all that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That was... that was me safely objectifying a gay person." }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "Wow, Claire! When I wrote \"don't ever change\" in your yearbook, I didn't mean it like this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, ease up, Holly. Okay, I lied. I lied, but I get one night to myself, and I just wanted to spend it with some fun gay people. It's not my fault this one decided to be straight." }, { "from": "Julian", "value": "I've always been straight. Oh, you don't get to talk! I took fashion advice from you! Oh, my God. Do I even look good in this dress? No. Not you. It's really short, isn't it?" }, { "from": "Holly", "value": "It's short." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Please? Please, just listen to me for one second." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Go away! Stop following me!" }, { "from": "Officer", "value": "Hey, you wanna tell me why you're bothering this young lady?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no, no, no, no. Officer, this is my daughter. Tell him." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Tonight, I don't know who you are." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She's... she's joking. I'm not dangerous. In fact, I-I-I helped to put all the lights on this path. 20 years ago, some friends and I took back the night. So... I- I think I just... I embarrassed her a little." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"A little\"? That sweatshirt embarrasses me \"a little.\"" }, { "from": "Officer", "value": "Yep, that's a daughter." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Tonight was insane. Why did you have to act like that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You were at that party. I see you talking to frat boys, and..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Isn't that why we're here, so I can experience college? I mean, what are you gonna do when I actually go?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know. Freak out, I think. Look... your whole life, my job has been to protect you... a job I kinda love. Now I feel like I'm being forced into early retirement. I just needed to find you and make sure you were okay... for as long as I still get to do that." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Just like you... piss me off and then say something sweet. I'm not leaving until the fall." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Maybe by then I can figure out how to put a force field around you. I've been working on that one since the first time I tried to fasten you into your car seat. I pinched your chunky little thigh." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You know you basically just called me fat. So... is it really fun?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? No!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm so embarrassed I did that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm just so happy that that was all it was." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why? What'd you think I was doing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"Thanks to our patented lengthenator, you can increase your height by up to 4 inches.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I can't believe he would spend $50 on this thing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I know. He could've got a 2-year subscription to \"Playboy\" for that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's not getting the \"Playboy\" ever! He's a little boy!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_06_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wouldn't it be great if we woke up tomorrow and our car had found its way home?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, I feel that's not the way it's gonna happen." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Happened on the farm one time. A tornado scooped up one of our calves, dropped it who knows where. Six months later, a full-grown cow comes walking up the driveway... same markings, same moo. That night, we..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We ate like kings." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, I've told it before. Oh, my gosh! It's our car!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I see you've met my wife." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey! What is all this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey mom! I'm trying to write a stupid college essay question and I really don't even know where to start." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "OK, what's the question? Tell me." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"What's the biggest obstacle you ever had to overcome?\" Didn't my 3rd Grade teacher said I had like ADD or something?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no honey. She said you couldn't ADD. She put it that way because she also knew you couldn't S-P-E-O-L." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wait, slow down." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetheart. What's this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We talked about this last week. I said I'm building Luke a treehouse, you said fine. You know? Sometimes I think you just turn me out." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't remember agreeing to this, Phil. This is like the time you backed down the driveway with a hang glider sticking out of the car." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "If you'd let me keep that, those geese would have followed me to the wetlands." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You would have died." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A hero." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Shorty", "value": "So we spread out a nice blanket, opened up a bottle of vino, and watched the sun set over the water." }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "It was majestic." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Mm. Majestic." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why? Why we never have the picnic?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who wants to sit on a blanket? There's no back support." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's majestic." }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "Last week, Shorty took me to see the Cirque du soleil... It's like a circus, but classy. So if you like elephants, don't hold your breath." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "She's so cute." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay hates the crowds, the beach, the rainbows." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Rainbows? It's just colors in the sky. Do we have to pull over every time and take a picture? Shame." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "There's an expression in Italian, Jay... Dammi la tua mano e corriamo uniti per tutta la vita. \"Give me your hand and we will run together our whole lives.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay also hates running." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Waitress", "value": "Here you go. Mitchell : Oh, thank you. Waitress : And here you go. Cameron : Oh. What is this?" }, { "from": "Waitress", "value": "You said to knock your socks off." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, look. It's already working!" }, { "from": "Waitress", "value": "Well, two more of those, and you won't be wearing any underwear either." }, { "from": "Cameron ! Oh! Look... Mitchell", "value": "Cam, down. Down. Waitress : Maybe later." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, okay, maybe... maybe later. Did you hear that? Waitress is flirting with me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. She's not flirting with you. She's... she's trolling for tips, okay? She totally knows you're gay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How would she know I'm gay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, maybe it's the way you ordered a drink-a-doodle-doo." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam has this crazy theory that if he were straight... And Julia Roberts were single... They'd be dating." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's not crazy. I met her once at an A.I.D.S. walk, and our chemistry was palpable." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, you handed her a bottle of water." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And her fingers lingered." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Because you wouldn't let go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I could totally pick up any woman in here." }, { "from": "Crispin If by that, you mean lift her off the ground, then yes, I'll give you that. Cameorn", "value": "I for sure could be a womanizer." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Or you could be someone who just stepped out of a machine called the womanizer." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, you know what? That's it. Pick anyone in here. If I can get their number, you do the laundry for a month. If I fail, I'll do it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. I hate doing laundry. So, um... No, um... Oh, okay. Right here. Her." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, great. Great. Just get rid of my flair..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know. Where is he?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Dinner was absolutely wonderful." }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "Amazing." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Hey, you know what? Why don't you guys come salsa dancing with us tomorrow night?" }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "Oh, yeah! That would be great!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It sounds like so much fun. I love salsa dancing. Jay, let's go salsa dancing with them. Look. Why not?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just bought that pay-per-view fight. I tell you what... we'll compromise. We'll watch the fight. We'll eat salsa." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Who needs him? Come dancing with us." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no, I wouldn't want to..." }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "No, no! You'd be doing me a favor. Shorty never wants to stop, and I could use a break." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "You hear that Jay? I never stop." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All I hear is she could use a break." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey! Oh, my God! How are you?" }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Hey. Hey!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wow. Look at you. You look fantastic." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Thank you. So do you. Cameron : How long has it been? Katie : It feels like forever." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Um, when is the last time we saw each other?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, let's see. I think it was at Dave's thing." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "You know what? I'm sorry. I don't know if you've heard. I was in a terrible car accident, and ever since the coma, I have a really hard time placing names and faces. So who are you again?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God. I am so sorry. It was just a clever way to try to approach you. We don't know each other." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "I've never been in a coma. But you so deserved that. That was the worst pick-up ever." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God! That was genius! And mean! Now I know why we're old fake friends. Oh. Can I buy you a drink?" }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Yeah. I'm Katie." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Cameron." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Thank you. Nice to meet you." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "You, too. Bye!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Bye! Wham, bam, thank you, Cam." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Seriously? You got her number?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sure did. And all my shirts get ironed, and their seams should appear straight, just like their owner." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Should you be using screws instead of nails?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "America was built with nails, son." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "So was that gazebo you built for our 4th of July party." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm telling you, you are gonna love this bad boy. You know what can't climb trees?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Raccoons?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Worries. Raccoons can and will get up here, so don't leave any food, or they'll get territorial and attack." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you sure this is a good idea?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you kidding me? You're gonna have so much fun hanging out up here with your buddies. Trust me, when you get older, it all changes." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, life gets in the way. Did I just say \"wife gets in the way\"? 'Cause sometimes I do that." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Nope, you're good. And you have lots of friends." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I have work friends, and your mom and I have couples friends, and there are my college friends, but they're scattered all over the country. It's not the same as just shouting out to your neighborhood buddies, \"Hey, fellas! I'm up here in the tree house!\" Uhh! I got to fix that... board." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't do this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why are you so frustrated?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Because I've never had any obstacles to overcome." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, that's not true." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Really? Name one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well... You're lactose-intolerant." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, \"dear college, cheese makes me gassy. See you in September.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, you're not really starting your essays \"dear college,\" are you?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What difference does it make? I've lived a boring, sheltered, pathetic life." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am sorry we have made things too easy and comfortable for you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, you should be! It is all your fault! You have shielded me from everything interesting and dangerous!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You are blaming me because I kept you from getting hurt? Haley : Gaby's mom's a hoarder. That essay practically writes itself. Claire : Maybe it is our fault. But did you ever consider there's a reason? Haley : What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There's a reason why we were so easy on you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't understand." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, you're old enough now." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Old enough for what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The truth. Okay, come on. Gotta show you somethin'. We're gonna go for a ride." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, just tell me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You are my mom, right?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, hey." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm a bad man." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. What did you eat?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, remember the girl I met last night?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How can I forget her? She's super famous for having the world's worst gay-dar." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How could I be so cavalier with her emotions? You know, we had a real connection. She gave me her number, and right now she's probably sitting by the phone waiting for me to call. I don't think you understand how charmed she was by me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God. Where did you get all this self-confidence?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I won cutest baby at the 1974 Jasper county fair. People at the time said I could go gerber. You know what? I'm calling her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I can't carry this around. I have to come clean so she can move on with her life." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This is crazy. She is not waiting..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hi. Katie. It's Cam. First ring. I was hoping I would call, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, smooth." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So listen, I forgot to mention something last night, and I'm... I'm actually not really quite sure how to say this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm a gay guy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um, it's actually somewhat delicate." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "As am I, on account of the gay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no, I had a great time with you, too, Katie. It's... well, it's just that..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't dig the ladies." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no. And I want you to sit... I want you to have a seat on a chaise lounge." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you wanna go out and grab some dinner before the fight tonight?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, thank you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wanna eat at home? I'll grill some steaks, open a bottle of wine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Whatever you want, because I'm not going to be here." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She's going salsa dancing without me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Manny, I told you, it's a 21 and over club." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A forbidden dance floor. Only makes me want it more." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait a second. You're going dancing with Shorty and Darlene?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, because even though he's old like you, he still likes to have fun." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We like to have fun. Last week I took you to dinner, went to the boat show, got some sherbet?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And we were home by 8:30 with no boat." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What do you want from me? I don't like dancing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't like sherbet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, right. How about coconut?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who doesn't like the coconut, hmm? Who? And anyways, I'm going dancing with or without you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine. I hope you have a good time with Shorty." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't need Shorty! I won't have any problem finding a partner on my own!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wow. Way to rub it in, mom." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How'd it go, heartbreaker?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That is one classy lady... which is why I couldn't tell her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well... I just couldn't do it on the phone. She seemed so excited to hear from me, and I'm very bad at disappointing people, Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Not all people." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mama was right when she said my charm was like a wild stallion... if not properly bridled, it'll bust down a barn." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you wanna get rid of your girlfriend? Tell her that story." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe I will when she comes over. She's coming over." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you serious?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She said she was in the area running errands. What was I supposed to say, \"don't come over\"? Well, I guess I could have said that, but it's too late now, plus I wanna break it to her gently. So come on. Help me un-gay this place." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what? I'll make it less gay by half." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, these flowers should go, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You mean the ones underneath the portrait of you cuddling another man?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, good catch. Aw." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What's up, big guy?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How hard is it to learn this salsa dancing stuff?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Not hard at all. It's about tapping into your emotion, your passion, and your inner fire." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Crap!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Back straight. Okay. Do as I do. Other leg. Okay, stop marching. You're dancing, not invading Poland." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hello, hi! I'm looking for Jay Pritchett. He's about 6'2\", tough guy, wrestles with homophobia..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The hell are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, I had to get out of the house. Cam needed a little alone time with his new girlfriend. Don't ask." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't tell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's going on here?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "He's learning to dance, but he's just so tense." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not working out." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "'Cause you're not letting go." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm trying. Don't you think I want to be all smooth and make your mom happy out there? But I just can't do it, that's all." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay, I'm not giving up on you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Hey, Manny, would you give us a second? Thanks. Dad, look, I-I know this is weird, but you and I are a lot alike. We're self-conscious, okay? So, um, here. Just..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The hell is this?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's just something that some people take at clubs to, you know, loosen up." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You take this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "A gay man who hates dancing lives in a sad and lonely little world. This just melts your inhibitions, and... and you can dance all night, plus it gives you a raging..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't wanna... I don't like this at all." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just hold on to it. Just in case. Come on. It's fine." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay, I wanna show you something. A farmer in New Zealand taught a pig to dance." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "See how he keeps his snout up?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yep. This is it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "This is what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This. I-I can't do this. I can't get out of the car. I'm sorry. I'm too embarrassed." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Would you just tell me what's going on?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. I-I want you to go read what's carved in that tree." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, you're freaking me out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Just do it. Do it, Haley. Have fun getting home! There's your obstacle!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?! Are you kidding me?!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! Son of a... Brisket! Why does that keep happening? Maybe I need a nail gun." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay, that's it! I'm out!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What do you mean, you're out? Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, no offense, but I've seen you with a glue gun. I think a nail is gonna be harder to get out of my hair." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, don't go! I'm doing this for you!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you, dad? Are you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Katie", "value": "It's weird, because I feel so comfortable around you already. You know, last night when I got home, I just started thinking about all of the fun things that we could do together, you know? I don't wanna scare you off, but my sister's getting married in a couple of weeks, and I so don't wanna go to that thing alone. Maybe you could be my date?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Katie, you're an amazing woman. You're smart, you're beautiful, and how fun is that handbag? This is gonna come as a little bit of a shock. I'm fairly gay. I don't know why I said that. I'm... I'm totally gay. Just gay." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "You're telling me you're gay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was born that way. I mean, you know, it's just..." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "No, why are you telling me? I mean, I know you're gay. It's obvious." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, it's not that... it's not that obvious." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Well, yeah. The way you talk and walk and dress and your theatrical hand gestures..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I do not have theatrical hand gestures. Okay, maybe I am moderately... expressive. But why would you give me your number?" }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Oh, because I want a gay friend... someone I can dish with, give me guy advice, and I can shop with..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Those are totally offensive stereotypes." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "We could go see Julia Roberts movies together. Cameron : I know her, and she's as nice as she seems on screen. Katie : Shut up. Really? Is she?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She is, yeah." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Wait, what... so you were pretending to be straight, and hitting on me?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was just a stupid bar bet. My boyfriend... oh, he's here... bet me that I couldn't get a beautiful woman's number. And as a proud gay man, I know it shouldn't matter, but I-I just wish everyone could find me attractive. Oh. But now he's gonna get to gloat, and I guess I deserve it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi... hi. How's... how's it going? Hello." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is Katie, and, uh, it turns out, well..." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "No, actually. It doesn't turn out well. Because I thought I finally met a nice, funny guy, who is also hot! And now he's telling me he's gay?! He's, like, the least gay person I have ever met in my entire life! And I thought he was the one! And I even told my mom about him! You better cherish him!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Are you sure you're gay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes. Yes. Look... You're gonna find somebody, because you're an amazing girl, Katie. You're the whole package. I just prefer somebody who has one." }, { "from": "Katie", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh... my... God!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That was a lot of girl tongue! I think I need a drink-a-doodle-doo." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello, Haley. How was your day? Haley : I have no money, no cell phone... Claire : You're welcome." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I listened to you. I stopped coddling you, and look... you overcame an obstacle." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh! Yeah! I did! I grew up normal despite my crazy mom!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, that sounds like the beginning of a great essay. \"Dear college...\" Oh, honey, if you get stuck, let me know, and I'll make you sleep out in the yard." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "You're psychotic!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Use spell check!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Darlene", "value": "Aah! Don't just sit there! Get out here!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm good, I'm good." }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "Okay!" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Hola! You're looking so good! How long has it been?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We don't know each other. Go away." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Fair enough. Hola! You're looking so good. How long has it been?" }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "What was wrong with that guy?" }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Yeah, I would have danced with him. He's got nice shoulders." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Aw, you know, salsa is so intimate and sensual that it feels wrong to do it with somebody else that is not Jay." }, { "from": "Shorty", "value": "Aw. You know, Darlene feels the same way. If I wasn't here, she's be holding up the wall." }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "Yeah. A wall of men." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You know, I think I should go home to my loving husband and pull him close and tell him that I danced with 20 men." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's not home. He's in a dicey neighborhood worried about his car." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yay! Hey! Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What, are we gonna kiss or dance?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Let's dance!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Shorty", "value": "I do surprise you." }, { "from": "Darlene", "value": "No, you don't. You never surprise me..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Andre", "value": "That's gonna be a hell of a tree house." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, thanks. I'm trying. It's for my son, but he's kind of lost interest." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "It's kind of like my daughter with the dog. Which is why I'm the one out here doing this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Did you just move in?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Lived here eight years. You?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "12. Andre : Huh. Phil : Huh." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "You know, me and my friends, we, uh, we built a tree house when I was a kid. We spent hours in that thing. Loved it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Me, too." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "You need any help?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, a lot. But I-I don't wanna bother you." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Only thing that bothers me is that drunken Amish roof you got up there." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Do you even have a level? I did, but I might have gotten frustrated and thrown it into your yard." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Let me find it. I'll be right over." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks. I'm Phil, by the way." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "I'm Andre. Nice to meet you, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nice to meet you, Andre." } ] }, { "id": "episode_07_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Andre, it turns out, is an orthopedic surgeon, handy with tools, and a great guy to hang out with. Plus he's a badass black man that gives me extra street cred. That's his joke. He's my brotha from a different motha." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Different... Andre : That's not it. Phil : What is it?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "It's \"brother from another mother.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Brotha from anotha motha... Andre : Slow down. Slow it down. Phil : Brotha from another motha." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Forget it. Don't... just don't say it. Forget it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, thank you so much for the donations." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "I wish I could do more, it's just a bunch of out of date clothes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm sure it's great." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Three weeks ago, our neighbours the Rands lost their house and everything they owned in a fire. Fortunately, nobody was hurt." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And fortunately, they're friends with wonder woman over here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm hardly wonder woman." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She mobilized the community to donate clothes, furniture, appliances, all to help them start over in their new rental." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Which you found them." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm no Wonder Woman. Rand-aid was her idea." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It wasn't my idea to call it \"Rand-aid.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, fine. I'm Wonder Woman." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Terrible tragedy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They're our closest friends." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We know them. Uh, Manny and their son Reuben are tight. In fact, I put in one of their closets. Not that it matters, but it was the only structure to survive the fire." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Por favor, don't even say that word! In my country it is considered very, very bad luck when your house burns down." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They lived a block away from us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Smoke was everywhere. I was so upset, I couldn't sleep for days. Of course, Mitchell won't let me take anything." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, Cam, we both know why. Some people have been known to sleepwalk or even sleep drive on that medication. Cam's reaction is much worse." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, you're gonna kill yourself." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I got it! We're on a schedule here. I still have to pick up the truck." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If you want him to stop lifting things, put all this in grocery bags and turn the TV on to a football game." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! Take this phone away from me!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Two of our best brokers left to start their own agency, and the office gossip is flying. But I want today to be about the Rands... And if I have this... Oh, my God! Those guys took two secretaries and the tube dude with them!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who's the tube dude?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know, the blowy guy that attracts all the attention. This guy..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, si, I've seen him. He goes down over there, and then he shakes up. And goes down in there, and then..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You almost got it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And then goes down." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi, hi, sorry. We would have been here sooner, but this one had a wardrobe crisis." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, it's a somber occasion, and all my tops are too joyful." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You do not want our problems. Cameron : No. Oh, here, Jay, let me help. Jay : No, I got it. Aah! My back!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, Jay, that's not quite it. Remember, you got air blowing through you, so it's more like... And then out. And then out." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Leave me alone. I'm fine. I've gotta pick up that truck." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'd be happy to get the truck." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't think so. It's a pretty big truck." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Is it... is it bigger than the combine I've been driving since I was 12 years old? Or the Windrow tractor with the Macdon header that I drove to and parallel parked at my High School prom? Hmm?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "At least something got plowed that night." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Heard that!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, son of bitch!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Your low back is in spasm, Jay. I can massage that out for you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad, you don't know what you're missing. Phil is a magician." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And a licensed masseur. Before I heard the siren song of residential real estate, I was bitten by the rub bug." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, he's... he's amazing. I had this knot in my leg, two minutes with Phil and it was gone." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sorry, but I think you might have a higher tolerance for a man's hands on your body than I do." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Charming." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, don't be an idiot. Let Phil help you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great! I'll just go get the room ready. I'll think you'll be surprised with what these hands can do." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really? Can they drive a bobcat skid-steer with a bucket grapple through a school hallway on a dare? Because these can and have." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Poor Reuben, huh? Having to rebuild his whole life at age 12." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. That blows." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I know we're both shaken up, but let's watch the language." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, put this in a safe place. It's for Reuben. It's one of those, um, how do you say again, the takka-takka-takka..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Is that the helicopter with the camera in it..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That you control with your phone? The one I asked for?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, when your house burns down, you get one of these. Now don't burn your house down." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How lucky is Reuben?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So lucky." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You know what? I say we take this thing out and see how she flies." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know. My mom got it for Reuben. Luke : Oh, so now he won't even share his toys? Manny : He never does." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Screw that guy!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yaeh! You're a terrible influence." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You need me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Claire, in case you want to add something, I put the box of dresses outside and this is the box of snicker snackers." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Thanks. Mitchell, we did have something to add to this box of, um... Snicker snackers. What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "English is not her first language. She's just trying to help." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mitchell, come on. You can't do that. You can't just change the rules. This is what we do. When Gloria says something silly, we innocently laugh behind her back." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She's had a rough week, all right? She's really worried about tia Maria Cecilia and that surgery. Oh, and then she lost her cell phone at pilates." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How do you know this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We have coffee." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Have? So when did this become, like, a thing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's the big deal? We're friends. I like Gloria." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, it's no big deal. I have nothing against her, I just think... Oh! Mm. All right. So before you get all judge-y, I gave her that vase." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "After I gave it to you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "You couldn't part with that T-shirt?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I love this shirt." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You know, you don't have to look the way you look. Amber rand lost all her clothes in a fire, but she gets to build herself a new wardrobe." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Let me burn your clothes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Girls, get down here. There's a lot of work to do." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ugh. She's in a mood." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You know what we have to do, right? Alex : There's no way you're my real sister! Haley : I hate you!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can't believe you would ever... you're the most selfish..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, That's it! I cannot take the fighting! Just get out of the house." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I don't even wanna drive the truck anymore even though on the farm I was..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't take another farm story." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You might wanna take someone with you. The thing's been parked there six months. You're gonna want to hose it down, sweep for spiders." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Good news, girls. You're going with Uncle Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yay!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Can you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can, but I don't need to, because I fixed it forever." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Just once, I wish he wouldn't make such a big deal about everything." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Riding the open road in a big rig like this sure can work up a man's powerful appetite." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "We've gone five blocks." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you want a burger or not?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I could eat. Hey, Alex, maybe Uncle Cam will let you borrow his hat later. You know, since you dress like a dude." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I like the way I dress." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uncle Cam, as her future prom date, will you please talk to her? You know fashion." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "First of all, you're each beautiful in your own way, but you're both playing for second, because I'm too sexy for... this truck." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I have to say, you do drive it surprisingly well." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, who would have thought?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, you're really close on this side." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, I see it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Careful!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm being careful. Gasping? Really? Holding hands? We're not in a nosedive. Okay, you know what, if it would make you feel better, get out and guide me. Okay, come on. Let's go." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Please don't yell at me, but there's not enough room." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, climb over. You're fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know, the native Americans believe that burning sage kept bad energy away." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How'd that work out for 'em? Get to the back." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's the spirit. Thank you. I just need to make sure that the oil is a perfect 98.6. And it is perfect. Now I want you to take a deep breath and let me transport you to a land I call relaxistan." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, what the hell? Get off me. I knew this was a terrible... Oh, mama Lucian, that's good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "So you wanna try it?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know. I'm still feeling guilty." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's Reuben's helicopter. Reuben is the whole reason we should be doing this. He's barely living proof that life can change in a second. You gotta grab what you can when you can." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What is this hold you have on me? Wow." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay, now ease up." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, I'm easing up. Okay, it's not working. Luke : Get ahold of yourself, Manny! She's getting away! Manny : I can't... I... I can't hold her!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Give it to me! Mayday! Mayday! Oh, well." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What do you mean \"oh, well\"? My mom's gonna kill us." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Us? You were flying it. I was in the attic packing boxes." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're gonna help me find it, or the next search will be for you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just relax. Let me know if I'm hurting you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you kidding me? It's fantastic. I love you. This! I love this!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my God. This is huge. Jay, I'm sorry. I need a minute." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, these are fantastic. Why is Manny getting rid of them?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He said that they were last season." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I used to have a pair like these. I can never find 'em anymore." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, there's an outlet store. They don't have men's size, but I'm sure the biggest size for boys would fit you perfectly. I'll take you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. It's a date." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Another date." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Claire, I heard what happened with the vase, but I don't want you to worry about it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": ": I'm so sorry. I should have told you about that sooner. It just... I have really been shaken by this whole fire thing. You know, life is so fragile." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know, like a vase." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You tattled on me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She asked me about it. What was I supposed to do? Why are you making those cruel sounds with your mouth?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't see it? You're turning Gloria into mom." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. First you got all defensive of her, and then you tattled on me to her. That's exactly what you did with old mom. It's what you're doing with new mom." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Only you could make my friendship with Gloria into something ugly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't get me wrong. I think it's sweet. We've all got our thing. You have mommy issues." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I do not have mommy issues!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. So I pick you up tomorrow, we go get you your big boy pants, and then we go and get a little ice cream, okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Perfect." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hi. You still don't feel very good?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I told Phil I loved him. Oh. It was an accident. You know how he gets with that stuff." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, I know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay, can I talk to you later about what just happened?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks. Jeez, I just worked that out." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're screwed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Today is the biggest day of my life. Just relax. Let me know if I'm hurting you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you kidding me? It's fantastic. I love you. This! I love this!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my God. This is huge. Jay, I'm sorry. I need a minute." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What the hell is that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "An alpaca. I got the last one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Driver", "value": "Come on, man! Move that truck!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I hate you!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, so... I flirted with a table of truckers who have offered to help us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No! No help! I've come too far!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Have you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, hey! They don't sell pizzas at this restaurant! You parked here illegally! Congratulations, sir. You're destroying America." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Gun it! Oh! Ow!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All right! All right! Everybody relax! We're fine! We're fine!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We are not fine!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And we're all smooshed!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And we're scared!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And we're tilted at a 30-degree angle! Haley : Nerd! And we're dirty and tired and late! Cameron : Okay! Can you please just be quiet!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why couldn't we have just asked for help?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "'Cause I'm teaching you girls a very valuable lesson... that gay men can do anything straight men can do." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, we know that. Do you think you're the only gay guy that we know?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah. My soccer coach is gay..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Our pediatrician..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "My Latin tutor." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Nerd! Our electrician." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, then why were you so surprised when I said I could drive a truck?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Not because you're gay, because you're you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And by the way, you can't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, wow. I guess I owe you an apology. I made a leap there. I'm just used to dealing with stereotypes. I'm a little sensitive about it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh! There's the trucker that I talked to. Hey! Excuse me! Hi! Could you give us a hand, please?" }, { "from": "Trucker", "value": "Sure thing, sweetie." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, like she'll be able to help us." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Boy, do you have the right idea. Could use a little break from the mother and child reunion going on down there. Don't ask. Mitchell's turning Gloria into mom. Bam! It's out. Hmm. You remember the way mom and Mitchell used to be in their private little club, just the two of them, and no one else allowed in. Well... it's happening again, but this time around, it's happening with your wife. You should see them down there. It would actually be adorable if it weren't so sick. I just... you know, I feel like Mitchell is a grown man, he has a child, and he's still working out some psychodrama from 20 years ago. Daddy, can I have a sip of your beer, please? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Mitchell cozies up to mom, I go running to daddy. I'm the one who's turning Gloria into mom, which is really disturbing since we're the same age." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're older." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Oh, that's where we're gonna chime in?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Will you hurry up?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm saving my strength because if we don't find this helicopter, I'm walking to Canada." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hope you like taxes." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey! That's our helicopter!" }, { "from": "Abraham", "value": "Is it, now? I'm sure you have the proper documentation for that." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Just give it back. It's ours." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You guys are bullies." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "They can't be bullies. They're nerds. Abraham : Don't pigeonhole us. We can be both. Cameron : Is there an issue here?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Uncle Cam, I got this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Abraham", "value": "Oh, my God, it's Alex Dunphy." }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "So awesome." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Problem here, boys?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "These geeks won't give us back our helicopter that we took from Reuben." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Is that right, Abraham?" }, { "from": "Boy", "value": "Oh, my God. She knows your name." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Helicopter, please." }, { "from": "Abraham", "value": "I love you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What just happened?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You have your fans, I have mine. Some day, your fans are going to work for my fans." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, um, Gloria, do you mind if I talk to Mitchell alone for a minute?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's okay. I already know what you said, and I think it's crazy. Mitchell is not making me his mommy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I know. He's not, but I think that I might be." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, now you're going really, really crazy, because I am younger than you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, by 14 months, so let's settle down." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What is going on with you today?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I... all right, I'm working this out as I go. I think maybe seeing you get all buddy-buddy today with Gloria made me feel like it did when you were with mom, and... and... I don't know. I-I felt like the odd man out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Well, that... that's how I used to feel with you and dad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. I know. We... we chose teams, even during the divorce. It... Okay, the last couple years, you and I have been our own team. You know? And I don't want that to go away. So... I guess I just felt a little left out today." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shut up." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, can you two try hugging a box so that your poor mother doesn't have to do all the hard work?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am sorry, Gloria, about all the mom stuff today. I just... I got this crazy idea that you liked Mitchell better than me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I do like Mitchell better than you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, please. Are you going to honestly tell me that I'm your favorite person in this family? I'm not even your favorite Colombian in this family. I would love to get closer to you. You have my number. But call me quickly because I book up." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You never saw me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "There you are. I really need to talk to you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You really don't." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jay, please. It's about work. I got a text during your massage. I've been offered a partnership in a new agency." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh. Good for you!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm not so sure. I mean, there's... there's a big upside, but I have a stable job right now. I have three kids, and at least one of them's going to college. Worse case scenario, they all go." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, what does Claire think?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I haven't told her yet. I wanted to talk to you first. You've done this." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, I think that there's only really one question." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whether I'm ready to run my own company?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, you're great with people. We know you're a good salesman. You've managed to provide a good living in tough times." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Then what? Is this the right time?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Never a perfect time. House could burn down tomorrow. Question is, do you want this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, I really want it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then gamble on yourself. I'd gamble on you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm gonna do it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There you go!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thanks, Jay. Hey, look, I know you were reluctant to get that massage, but I think we can both agree it had a happy ending." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Please don't say that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "If I could only save one possession in a fire, probably my first set of golf clubs. My old man gave 'em to me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The engagement ring that Jay gave me that changed my life." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily's adoption papers." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was gonna say adoption papers. So I guess, then, I would say my mom's recipe book." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All our family photos... Which I keep on my iPad, so my iPad. Claire : As long as I have my family, I wouldn't need anything else. What? Phil : You say something like that, it makes us all seem petty." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Well... I know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_08_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shh! Cam's sleeping. I don't wanna wake him." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "He's had a rough day." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Not as rough as grandpa's truck." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shh! Thank you so much for driving me. I really didn't want to ride in that big rig." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It was amazing. Everybody was honking, and I learned, like, five new curse words." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mostly from Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I'm glad I could give you a laugh today. You know, I didn't know that's what I was to you people a big joke." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, honey, it wasn't like that." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, we really didn't mean..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uncle Cam, we love you. Cameron : Save it. I'm going back to bed. Haley : So he's still doing that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, but we're working on it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my goodness, those hands are cold! At least buy me dinner first!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Boom!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Tell my wife and kids I love them." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's kind of dark, mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait, what's my favourite hospital food?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ummm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Jell-o! Hey buddy. No, today's still good." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Good for what? Who's buddy? Phil : Yeah, just head on over the house. Claire : Whose house? Who's buddy?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ok, see you in a couple." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Couple of what? Who's buddy?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kenneth." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Kenneth?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kenneth!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "If I had a son, I'd want him to be like Kenneth Ploufe." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You do have a son." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "When we first moved in here, he was the sweet kid who lived next door." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, the weird kid who lived next door, but Phil always had a soft spot for him because Kenneth sort of looked up to him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I wouldn't say hero." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And yet you did." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, you weren't going to. Claire's always had some issues with Kenneth." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He would stare at me a little too long." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Can you blame him? You used to dress sexy back then." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Ten years. Can you believe it?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mnh-mnh." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "I feel like we ended that last hug too soon. Come on again!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, wow, that's a lot of hugging." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh! She's right. Why hug when you can... Man-shake." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Man-shake." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm gonna get the coffee. Claire : \"Man-shake.\" Are we sure? Phil : Roll up the curtain. Bing! [OPENING CREDITS]" }, { "from": "Natalie", "value": "I don't know what's worse... that he competes every Thanksgiving in a pie-eating contest, or that he's 9-time runner-up." }, { "from": "Andy", "value": "It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without the contest." }, { "from": "Natalie", "value": "Yes it would." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think I have to tell my punkin chunkin story." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, no, you don't have to." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I kind of think I have to." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, come on in! Voila!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, what are we looking at?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "My centerpiece for Thanksgiving." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It is wonderful. You're so talented. I can't believe that you did this." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, my juices were really flowing on this one. I actually shot a making-of video. Hey, maybe we can watch it later at the party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, yeah, that or football." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mi amor, I'm so proud of you. Is there nothing in the world that you can't do?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Centerpieces, for starters." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shh!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why do you say everything of his is great, even if it isn't?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Because I'm building him up. That's what parents do." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Too much, if you ask me. Kids cross the street nowadays, they get a ribbon. Manny's got plenty of confidence. He just needs a little reality check every now and then. And this thing is a horn of ugly." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shh! My mother used to criticize everything I did. And look at me now. I am a jumble of insecurities." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not getting that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do not say a word to Manny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine. But trust me, if you told him the truth, he'd thank you later." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm. Like Claire and Mitch? Did they thank you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not yet." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. But it's coming." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Ah! So many memories in this place." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Do you guys still have, like, every cereal?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We have a lot." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Yeah! Of course you do. Of course you do. You only have the greatest dad in the world." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So what have you been up to? I haven't seen you since you went off to college." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Oh, you know, actually, that didn't work out so well. I bounced around for a while. Ended up washing dishes in New Mexico." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, so without the benefit of a college degree, I guess your options were kind of limited, huh?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ease up. It's a holiday." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Yeah, it was... it was tough. Oh, no. No, thank you. Thank you, though, sweetie. You're so sweet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Okay." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "It was tough for a while..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "But then a roommate and I started our own business." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, was that also in the dish or cleaning industry?" }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "No. No, no, no. It was actually a small investment company. Well, small at first. You know, we rode the tech wave for a while, then expanded into video games, amusement parks, sports arenas. Anything that seemed awesome, really. I'm actually in town to buy a blimp." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Holy crow." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ohh. Wow. So if you... if you'd gone to college, you would have done all that just four years later, or... or never." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex really needs to be picked up, sweetie. Why don't you go get her?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I wanna hear more of what he has to say about..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're leaving." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kenneth, I am so proud of you. You really made it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Well, I did get one pretty lucky break. Early on, I met a very special guy who taught me that what I thought and said had value." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, you mean like..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Shh. Luke. Let the man talk." }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "He encouraged me to always find the fun and follow this thing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Your lung?" }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "No, my heart. To this day, at every crossroad, I ask myself one question... what would Phil Dunphy do?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Record scratch!" }, { "from": "Kenneth", "value": "Oh, that's me buzzin'. Oh, it's Paris. She's my assistant in Tokyo. You'd think they'd know how to demo 4-D gaming graphics without my help. They don't. Hey, Luke, what instrument does yo-yo ma play? Um... cello?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's me... And he's spectacular." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my God. Kenneth Ploufe is part owner of a resort in the Bahamas, some cruise line, and Lacy Fair, that lingerie company." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh! Ew! I'm wearing one of his bras!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Look, he's got a model in his lap." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No way." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Look at her." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "This is your fault!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "This is your fault!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Are you seriously gonna stay in here all day?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can't face mom. If I see her, I'm gonna have to confess." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Take a breather. It's just a dent. And saying nothing is not lying, okay? It's just letting the truth speak for itself." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "This is not the time for moral equivocation." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, I don't know what that means, and also, don't tell me." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're the one who's gonna lose her driving privileges. I don't know why you're so calm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "All we have to do is keep it from mom until she goes to the store. Then, when she sees it, she'll assume that it happened there, which it did, so it's not really lying." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Listen to you. Are you gonna be a career criminal?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ugh. You sound like mom. I don't know what I'm gonna do after High School." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was a supportive \"wah-wah.\" I was trying to save the moment." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There's no such thing as a supportive \"wah-wah.\" A \"wah-wah\" by its very nature is vicious and undercutting." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I was just trying to salvage that story, okay? I told you not to tell it, you told it, and it died." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It did not die. It's a thinker." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, the only thing people were thinking was, \"thank God this story's over.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. I get it. So how long have I been embarrassing you with my stories?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, no, no. You don't embarrass me. I love your stories, okay? The tractor in the swimming hole? Aunt Betty's wiglet on the piglet?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uncle Carl said she couldn't tell 'em apart." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "See? Those are funny. You have so many great ones." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, that's farm life. Rain or shine, there's always a bumper crop of stories." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, I'm just saying maybe you take punkin chunkin out of the rotation." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I guess you're right. Maybe I could just..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, stick to the ones that really happened, because people love those." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me. What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm... I'm just saying people laugh more at stories that are true." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Punkin chunkin is a true story." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "True-ish?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. True." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? The length of a football field, through the sunroof of a car that was open in late November in Missouri?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It was unseasonably warm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That explains the fog rolling over the hill. And who's Cody... who you're close enough to chunk with but mysteriously only appears in this story?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Cody was K.I.A. in Desert Storm. He's a hero. You know, all this from someone who's never even chunked a punkin." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I've never lunked a tunkin, either. You know, these aren't real things." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "This'll work, right?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Totally, dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why have one long table when you can use four little ones bistro style? I'll bet this is how the French do Thanksgiving. You don't mind sitting with your Uncle Mitch and, uh, grandpa, do you?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Anything's better than watching Lily chew." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "By the way, this is the side of your old man that Kenneth was talking about. Original. Imaginative. Fearless." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "So Kenneth became a gajillionaire by asking himself, \"what would Phil do?\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He sure did. Where did that come from? Right?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But you're you. Why aren't we gajillionaires? Why don't you do what Phil would do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, why didn't you just put the extra leaves in the table?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Trying to have some fun, be creative." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "One long table, honey. If it was good enough for the last supper, it's good enough for us." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm having second thoughts about this centerpiece." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hear him out." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I just think if we bring it to Phil and Claire's, we'll never see it again, right?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's the plan." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, that would be sad. Except maybe my sadness will inspire me to create something even greater. Remember that collage I made that helped us get through Katrina?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You did this. You know that." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So... is this the legendary rice pilaf we've been hearing about?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Try for yourself. Used to make it every year, but it, uh, started to upstage the Turkey. Something wrong?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Not so much wrong as missing. It... it just tastes a little flat." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That a fact?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I just think with the earthiness of the rice, you might want something zesty to set it off. I think this might be a job for cumin." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, since we're sharing helpful criticisms..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, no, no. Nobody's sharing anything. Manny, go change for the party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, no, no, but I appreciate helpful criticisms. It, uh, it's important for me that I hear the truth. Makes me stronger, less of a mama's boy." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, mom, he can take it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's what he says, but you don't really know what he feels underneath. Some people are so sensitive, that they hear one criticism, and it kills the spark that made them special." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I think I know what's going on here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "This is about you and your mom, isn't it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, it is." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, it isn't." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, it is! Manny, don't upset me anymore. Go. Go change." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What... what should I wear?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Where you going, mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, I gotta run to the store. Someone ate all the marshmallows." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, can I tell you something? I was thinking that maybe after new year's break, we could visit a couple more colleges." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Seriously?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I was so hard on you before. I'm sorry. I know I'm no Kenneth. I'm gonna need all the help that I can get." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I am so proud of you. Oh. Oh, thank you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, okay." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Uncle Mitch is picking up the marshmallows." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Then again, backpacking through Europe could be educational in its own way." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! No, no! No, no, no! Do you know what's illegal in Europe? Nothing! You are going to college!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Darn right it's fine." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Piece of cake." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "My hair's coming out!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow, honey. I-I think you could make these simpler. Just, you know, sort of do 'em flat and on the side." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hmm. Yeah. Seems like that's how you like me. Flat and on the side. You know what? Sometimes I need to be puffed up and frilly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, is this one of those moments I'm gonna have to remember later when they ask me if there were any signs?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is what Phil would do... make fantastic napkin origami that startles and delights his guests." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know, but, sweetie, they're just looking a little..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, you always do this. You squelch me. You squelch me right when I'm about to soar." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you're folding napkins." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're folding my dreams! You know what Kenneth told me? The secret to his success... his whole career, he's tried to emulate me. The only difference is, he hasn't had someone constantly telling him what not to do." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So the only reason we don't have a... a blimp tethered to our mailbox is because I'm always shooting down your great ideas? Yeah. Let's review the squelch pile, Phil. Let's see... the rice pudding franchise." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Works for all chewing abilities." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Adult tricycles. Phil : Just try to fall off. Claire : The aspirin gun." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Some people have a hard time swallowing! And you left one out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And that, my dear Claire, is a real head-scratcher... \"TM.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Action. Hey, friend. You look like you had a rough day at the office." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "The stress from my job at the robot assassin factory... It's too much to take. Aw, shoot me an aspirin, pal." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Maybe someday. But until then, try this on for size. The real head- scratcher features 32 patent-pending \"nogginizers\" that gently massage your scalp in a soothing purr of motorized delight." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ahh. It feels great, and it looks good, too. It's a real lifesaver." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You mean a real head-scratcher? \"TM.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I love you, Phil, but you..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stop. I love your \"I love you.\" I'm getting awful tired of your \"but.\" I heard it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yep! It's the best, isn't it?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can't take my eyes off it. You shouldn't, either." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you okay, mami?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm... I'm..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, guys! Now the party's started. Come on! How are you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You disgust me." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Are you hungry?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, good. It's still in one piece. You hit those potholes pretty hard. It's like you didn't see 'em." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, I saw 'em." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can I be honest with you, Jay? I'm getting the sense that you're not the biggest fan of \"Allegria\"?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You got a name for it now? Great. All right. Cards on the table? This is not your best work. Now look, don't get me wrong. You're a talented kid. You're gonna be a big success in the world. But this... this is a swing and a miss." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, but my mom said it was..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's great, yeah, I know. But how did she say it?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There's a big difference between \"it's great,\" and \"it's great.\" You hear that? \"It's great,\" and \"it's greeeat.\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "All I hear is a bunch of people telling me I'm great." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And that's a problem, because a lot of times people will lie to you to protect your feelings, and that's not doing you any favors. You get a lot farther in life if you know what you're good at and what you're not. Now you can handle that, right?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Of course you can. How you doing, honey?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm greeeat." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He made a centerpiece!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, that's fantastic. Cameron : It's stunning. Manny : It's garbage." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, no! What are you doing? It's so beautiful!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Stop the lies. Jay told me the truth." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What did you say?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I mentioned it wasn't his best effort." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "He said it was a swing and a miss." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why?! Why do you say these things, Jay?! It's like I married my mother!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jay, why would you do that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because he's a Pritchett. But don't let these negative nellies drag you down, Manny, because one day you could have a trillion-dollar idea that the people who supposedly love you most..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, Phil! That's it. Go get the head-scratcher." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The real head-scratcher, \"TM\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Go get it, and let everybody else decide how many trillions I've cost you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Way ahead of you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's going on here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We are about to make hat history. Or as I like to call it, \"hatstory.\" Early man had hours and hours to scratch his weary head. But what about today's busy times? Thank you, squire. Great thing about this? You can wear it anywhere. Hit it, buddy. Oh! It's like a thousand tiny angels are line dancing on my sca... I... it looks like we got a slight malfunction in a rear nogginizer. Oh! Shut her down! Shut her down, buddy!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's not working!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My hair! It's got my hair! Okay! Fine. That... I'm fine. Forgot about that feature. It's an exfoliating... scrub. Buddy, can you grab the safety shears?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what, Phil? Keep it up. And I admire you and Manny. I know what it's like to stare down skepticism from a loved one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, not now." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why not now? It's Thanksgiving. Families gather. Issues come up." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Only if you bring them up." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's healthy to get things out in the open. Y'all know my punkin chunkin story, or do you need a refresher?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We've heard it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, several times." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I love it. With Cody and the friends?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes. So you know how it ends. But the question is, who here thinks I made that up?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Well, doesn't that tell the whole story right there? Here we have the skeptics, the dream-squashers... The Pritchetts. And here we have the dreamers, the artists, the visionaries." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweet Caroline!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So we're supposed to believe that you make a... a pumpkin fly across a football field." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can prove it to you right now. Let's go to the football field." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes! Let's do this. I'd love to end this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah! Let's settle this! Dreamers versus Pritchetts!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Bravo! Bravo!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no, no! Hold it! I did not just cook for eight hours so you people could run off to prove some asinine point that's only gonna make half of us feel bad! Come on! Show a little respect." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Turkey smells great, sweetheart." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Is that Turkey? Because something smells like chicken." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, let's settle this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah. Vamos, vamos! Jay, I drive!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "This is the coolest thing ever." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, I want to film. Ay, no, wait, I want to be in it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Cam, are you sure this is going to work?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, God, you sound just like Cody. Luke : Do you think this could launch a human? Phil : Luke... Let's do the pumpkin first." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They're having fun over there, but you know it's gonna end in tears." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, always does." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Knock-knock. Who's there? Physics." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Who's gonna be able to launch it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think it should be Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, no! I think it should be all of us!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "All of us! All of us!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "For the record, I don't squash all of Phil's dreams, just the ones that are, you know, potentially fatal." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just trying to get the kid ready for life." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Yes, i-if we didn't do this to them, the world would. Cameorn : Okay, everybody, in final launching positions?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Get ready to eat some crow!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It is not as delicious as it sounds. Okay... Uno! Dos! Tres! Three!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What happened, Cam? Cameron : I don't know. I-I don't know. Luke : Can we do it again?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, we only had one pumpkin, and we just chunk it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, we were right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aw, yeah. Ha!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry, guys." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This usually feels a little better, doesn't it?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. All right. I-I hate to admit it, but when they put the pumpkin in, I was kind of hoping it would work." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Me, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Huh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "All right! Let the gloating begin." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, it was a pretty good try." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We don't need your pity. Let's just get this stuff cleaned up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well... or if... if maybe we, um... we launch it from a steeper angle?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Then... maybe if you had somebody else you know, helping you pull the thing." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But we don't have any more pumpkins." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's the easy part! They're on every porch up and down the block." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, we can handle that. Come on, kid!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on. Let's try one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe if this works, we should launch my centerpiece next." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It wasn't that bad. Manny : Your rice pilaf was. Gloria : Jay, be careful!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. All right." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Oh! Keep going, keep going! Keep going!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ohh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_09_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Now when Lorna, Cody, and I did this, it was..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Less talkin', more chunkin." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, I need to tell you something." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is it, honey?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ready!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I distracted Haley while she was driving, and we dented your car." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Fire!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, girls... three more seconds, and you would have gotten away with it." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Now a human? Come here, Lily." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, no." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No,you're not... Uh,maybe you are." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Actually, she's kind of at her best at Christmas. She makes a mean" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look who's wearing her itsy bitsy bikini." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He can comment because he's raggay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He was talking about Lily." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So was I." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, Cam, you make her look so pretty. Mitchell : Guess who's not coming for Christmas. Cameron : And the spotlight shifts." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mom. She cancelled." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "In a voice mail, no less." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Unbelievable... and by that, I mean believable." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why isn't Nana coming?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know. Something about her new boyfriend whisking her away on a cruise." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just got my gift." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What boyfriend?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Carl the cruise ship captain. It was in her holiday newsletter." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I can't read that whole thing. No." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, after two pages about the bird she rescued..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And by the way, I don't think you can say you rescued something if it dies." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It died?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She wrote a poem about it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A little too free with the free verse for my taste, but fine, we'll call it a poem." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I stopped reading after she talked about suing her book club." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I stopped reading after \"dear friends,family and others... \" I'm sorry. Who are \"others\"?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What other kind could she possibly make?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, it's so sad that you guys are not gonna be with your mom this Christmas." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, it's more than fine. Let's just... Can we move off of mom?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, please." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, and the upside now, Mitchell... We can spend Christmas in Missouri where it actually feels like Christmas." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wait. Hang on a second. Just because mom isn't coming doesn't mean we're not gonna spend Christmas together. I mean, it's about family." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who do you think we're seeing in Missouri, Claire, the oak ridge boys?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hold on. I thought we were all getting together Christmas eve this year. We're on a flight to Mexico the 25th." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do you mean, you're getting on a flight on the 25th?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You two needed time with your mom. I've already served my time with your mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, dad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, uh, well, when are we gonna have Christmas then?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I heard kids are getting snatched in Mexico." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Kids get snatched here just as much. It happens all the time. Don't be scared." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Now when you say \"all the time\"..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "okay, well what about next weekend? 'Cause we don't leave till the 21st, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, we leave tomorrow and we don't come back until the 21st." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, math club, could you get me some more lemonade?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are we saying that this is the last time we're all gonna be together as a family until after the holidays?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And for you, maybe ever." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, this stinks." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, we can't do this. This is not right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We always spend Christmas together." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, we have to do something about it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ho, ho, hold up a sec. We're all free today. We've got four hours to shop, cook, wrap, get a tree. By tonight, we could be celebrating Christmas, right?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I... I guess we could do that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of course we can! Have you ever heard of express Christmas? No. No, you haven't, because I just invented it. Express Christmas, \"tm.\" It's when you can't have it on Christmas day..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I got it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And you have to scramble." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Get on with it!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're wasting time! We're wasting time! Everyone in the house! We'll make a plan! Time is of the-oh! Ow! Hot! Hot! It's just too hot!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Phil!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So we're really doing this, huh?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "'Cause I had stuff lined up for Christmas eve." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, Jay. It's Manny's last chance to enjoy a family Christmas." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Until next year, you mean. Luke : Well, with all the snatchings... Manny : Get out of my head, Luke! Phil : Okay, who's gonna get the tree?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh! I will. I will. Because, you know, get the wrong kind, people get upset." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You get upset." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm people." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fine, I'll get the turkey. What about gifts?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, did we finish shopping?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, but we're not wrapped." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I can help with that. We have a mobile wrapping station. God, has that thing paid for itself." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really? 'cause I feel like I paid for it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. We've got lights and ornaments at our place. Mitchell : Oh! You know what would be great? It's the angel! Claire : The angel. Yeah. Where is it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Um, Gloria, it's up in your attic. Would you get it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no! Not the attic! It's dirty, and there are spiders." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, but it really won't be Christmas without it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Won't be Christmas with it. It's December 16th." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke will help Gloria. He's not scared. Manny : Oh, good. You won't find me in any attic. Luke : That may be exactly where they find you. Manny : Mom!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, I have a party tonight. You promised I could go if I got a \"b\" on my test. I studied. I read stuff. What was the point of all that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The point, young lady, is for..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Who can remember? Express Christmas will be done by 9:00. Claire, I'll text you the gift list." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You and Haley do the shopping. Manny, you're coming with me. We're gonna get groceries. Dinner, our house, 6:00. Let's move! On dasher! On dancer! On prancer and vixen! Hey, that kind of worked out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Haley. It'll be fun. A lot of fun. We can go to target. Okay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on, let's go!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So it's-it's just me and Lily getting the tree, then? Hello?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "My mom tells me it's \"xmas\" in a text?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, well, my mom canceled in a voice mail and told me she had a boyfriend in a newsletter, so... Join the team. Put some clothes on. We're getting a tree. Wait. Hold on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Luke!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "At what?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What do you mean, \"at what\"? I said \"Luke.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I am looking." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know you are. Stay on the beams. Maybe it's here. Ay, dios mio! El Diablo! It's back! What is so special about that angel, anyways?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't know. I guess nana made it for mom and uncle Mitchell when they were kids." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, that's nice. Look where you're going!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "To open more boxes. oh, you said \"look where you're going,\" didn't you?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Every time you say \"Luke,\" I think you're saying \"look.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't hear the difference." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's not that hard. One is my name." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Juan is not your name! Stop kidding around and look, Luke. Ay, I get it. \"look\" sounds like \"Luke.\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yes. Thank god. I've been carrying that one around for three years." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ugh. There's like a hundred things on this list." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know but it's just the two of us. It's fun." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, it's not fake mother's day. Ugh! This place is huge! oh, plus we have to cook dinner! This is impossible." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Listen to me. Your whole life has led to this moment. All the training, the hours of dedication... There's not a soul alive who can touch you when it comes to shopping, and, baby, you know it. Look at me. Be you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Give me that list." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Never been more proud in my life. Come on." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No. This way." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "What about this one?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Let's see. No. No. I'm sorry, I know I'm being really o.c.d. Right now, but there's something very particular that I'm looking for. It needs to be a douglas fir, at least 8 feet tall, and look good from all sides." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Exactly. No bald spots." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Thank you. Thank you. The key is symmetry, right? How come we never go shopping together?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Because I hate shopping. Mitchell : I do, too! Okay, this one. Alex : Wait. Oh. No, no, no." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, no, no, no." }, { "from": "Salesman", "value": "Uh, I think I know what you're looking for, and we just got a shipment that might be perfect for you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, wow. Just because my uncle is clearly gay... doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on a coatrack than have to deal with knuckle-draggers like you today of all days. December 16th." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, first of all, amazing. Second of all..." }, { "from": "Salesman", "value": "I was pointing to the truck. It's full of 8- foot douglas-firs. It's behind the pink tree." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Second of all, uh, we're-we're gonna go ahead and take, uh, this-this tree..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That one." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And we're going to tie it onto our car ourselves." }, { "from": "Salesman", "value": "You bet you will." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Finger." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Cam and Jay-you know, sort of sounds like a bird. \"the migratory patterns of the Cam and Jay... \"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Do you have any more tape in that thing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do I have more tape in that? I got a tank full of tape, mister. What do you want? Invisible? Satin finish? Uh, double sided?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Whatever. Whatever. Cameron : Okay. That's interesting. Jay : I doubt that it is,but what?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I mean the way you wrap a gift. That's a lot of tape. Nobody can get in. Kind of like... You know... I mean, well, you let me in, but in general,w... Why so much tape, Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why are you wearing a sweater when it's 95 degrees out?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's my Christmas sweater." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Based on those stains, you are the Christmas sweater." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, who's been a very good boy? So... Okay. Are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room, which is ironic because it's so tiny?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "A man doesn't give another man a gift this small." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, what do you think it is, a ring?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Was there wine with this cork?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, there was, and we drank it on..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, we drank it on, uh... eh? Yeah. Um... On that boat." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You have no idea." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't even remember my own anniversary, Cam. How would I have remembered having had wine with my son's boyfriend?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I do this. This is my fault. I... I attach too much meaning to things. I mean, we watched our first football game together five years ago, and I feel the need to save the cork from the bottle of wine you served. I mean, who does that? It's not your only gift, by the way. There's a duplicate bottle in that box right over there which I had engraved with the date and the final score, because I have a problem. I feel too much. I gotta get going to Claire's." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Cam..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. Fresh wound. Can't talk yet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine. We'll put a cork in it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let it scab, Jay. Let it scab." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, there you are. I thought I'd lost you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry. I may have taken a few minutes to try out a futon. It's a young woman's game. Okay. Where do we stand?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I think we have everything." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh... Except the ladybug night-light for Lily." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley, your whole life has led up..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, I got it, mom, I got it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, okay, I'll b... I'll see you in line." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Yes, Ronald? I not only found it, I got the last one. Yes, the ladybug, not the turtle. I also got the doll, so I'm all set. I'm gonna leave in five." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Sir, would you like me to hold your merchandise up at the register while you finish shopping?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Oh. Aren't you a dream?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me. Sorry. Excuse me. Night-light you were looking for, ma'am. Ring her up, Madison." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. There you go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're leaving me alone here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, no, no. I... It'll, uh, it'll just take me two minutes. I need to get Jay's super secret special gift." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Great. First you lose me in the grocery store, now I'm in a deserted parking lot. Why don't you just put a sign on me that says \"free kid\"?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think that might be him." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You don't know the guy we're meeting?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's how craigslist works. Total strangers sell you things like signed vintage baseball cards that make your father-in-law respect you for an afternoon." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't like the looks of this guy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He looks like everybody else." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Great. You can just tell that to the police sketch artist." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Joe Dimaggio?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Phil Dunphy, but I get that a lot. Kidding. I'm your guy." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Can I see the cash?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes. Can I... Can I see the card? Mint condition." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "That's why I want another $50." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I only have the $200." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Uh, deal's off, then." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on. It's Christmas... At our house. It's a long story." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "$225." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I just spent all my cash on groceries. Man : Fine. But I'm taking the butterball. Phil : I don't know about that." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's it. I'm getting mother's little helper." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "My mom keeps a stun gun for emergencies." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This isn't an emergen... Eeh! Now it is. Manny : I thought he was going to snatch me. Phil : A butterball is a turkey." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What'd he say?" }, { "from": "Man", "value": "I think he said, \"a butterball's a turkey.\" I was reaching for the turkey." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh. Well, we can't give you our turkey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, we can. And... Here's the... Money. Joe Dimaggio. Joe Dimaggio. Mint condit... Near-mint con... Fair condit... Garbage." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Huh. Never saw this before. \"an angel for my angels. Love, mom.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, that's beautiful." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And it smells like mothballs, just like nana." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Luke..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank-merry Christmas..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Just... just give it up. He hates us." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't beat yourself up. I do that, like, once a week. The good news is, we never have to come back here." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Watch out! The tree!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I can't watch!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Look!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, yes, I said \"Luke.\" You told me already. I did it right!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No! Look!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Never look back. Never! Alex : Maybe we can salvage it? Gloria : Are you okay, papi?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Good. That's because we had our guardian angel. Ay! A spider!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, mom? Check it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The gum! Oh, and you made it pretty. Honey, put it on the table." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "New tradition?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yes. Yes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hmmm, Christmas gum. I take one." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tough to decorate the tree with no tree, huh?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How long you gonna ignore me, Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Until the shame cloud clears. You know, I push. I'm a pusher." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You gotta give yourself a break. See, the thing about me, I'm not as open with feelings as you. You've gotta lower your expectations." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I get it. Baby steps." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No steps. This is it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "See? Did it again. Push! Push, push, push, push. Now I've pushed you out of the room. That's fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How is she?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I got the tire marks off her wings, but I can't get her head to stay on." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, that's what this is for. Now stick it in the top of the tree with the good part facing out. Come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, that stuffing looks good. All we need now is a turkey to surround it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, relax. Phil just texted, and he's \"on his wax.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay! Here comes the tree." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh! Finally!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Here comes more of the tree." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hi, honey." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Oh, my gosh. What happened?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, uh, someone ran over it, but that's okay 'cause we are gonna put it back together." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Right now." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's gonna need a lot of gum." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, thank god. Here comes Phil and the butterball." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I have a name." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am sorry, but there is no turkey." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "There's no turkey? What's the plan, Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Cornish game hens. If you get real close, they look like turkeys, and everyone gets their own." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sounds like fun." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not fun. Not fun. I asked you to pick up a cooked turkey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The store was out of turkeys. It was an hour to express Christmas. Please, just make it work, okay? Please." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They're not even defrosted." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fine, Claire. You want 'em defrosted? Merry... Freaking... Christmas!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is that my stun gun?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. And it works great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Okay. Um... We can make this work. This can work. Dad, you and Mitchell reassemble that tree." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And I am going to defrost these birds, and we'll cook them in shifts, and we'll just push dinner back by a bit." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, how long? 'cause I still have my party." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What the hell happened to the angel?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No! The real question here is, how come we still have the dog butler?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, you found him, huh?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, this thing is... It's filthy. And... What happened?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It got run over." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Probably by the same maniac who ran over the tree." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my god. Is that... Yep. Yep, that's gum. That is gum. Okay, I'm... I'm out. I'm done. I am out. No. No turkey, no tree, and now this looks like the lady she used to be before she died and became an angel." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right. Relax, Mitchell. It's an ornament." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, he's right. We're never gonna get this together. I'm going to my party." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no. No, you're not. You are not. You're staying right here, because you're not going to abandon your family...On Christmas." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's not Christmas." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Exactly. Exactly. It's not Christmas, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, fine! Fine! You know what? I am really tired of trying to make this work on my own. I will see you people in a year." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And nine days." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No! Nobody goes anywhere. I know what the problem is here. You two miss your mommy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I do not miss my mommy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Admit it. It's sad. She used to make you cookies, the angel... Now she talks to you in a newsletter and she cancels for no reason. Come here, my little ones." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. We're... Good. No, it's fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're good. It's not a big deal. Gloria : It's Christmas. You need a mommy. Mitchell : You're not mommy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And it's not Christmas. Come here. It's okay to miss her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Can I put in my 2 cents on fake Christmas?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Express Christmas." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let it go, Phil. It's not sticking." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It needs time." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We all gave it our best shot to make this thing work. It just didn't happen, all right? What do you say we cut our losses? Let's go out to a nice Chinese restaurant and have a traditional Jewish Christmas." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "But I risked my life grocery shopping." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Save that story for wang fu. Now let's go. Come on, everybody." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad, no." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "On me! Out! Everybody out! Let's go. Come on, baby girl. Come on, honey." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What's going on?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You hate Chinese food." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not bad, huh?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Jay, Jay, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You wanna hug me, don't you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I kind of do." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "4 to 5 seconds. Cameron : 45 seconds? Jay : 4 to 5 seconds." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Family is family. Whether it's the one you start out with..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi, mom!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, mom!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Merry Christmas! So, um, tell us everything about the new boyfriend." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't leave anything out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You can leave some things out." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The one that you end up with... Or the family that you gain along the way... Which makes every day december 16th." } ] }, { "id": "episode_10_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Jay, um, I'm sorry about the baseball card. I- I did get you a- a backup gift. It's-it's nothing. I picked it up when we stopped for gas." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Dog antlers." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know. You got us snow, and I got you dog antlers." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I love these." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I thought you might." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, look. Come here. How cute is that? Where's my camera? Gloria, you gotta see this! Casta, Gloria!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dog antlers..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "He loves dog antlers." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no! Okay! I am so sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "So how's the family?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. Kids are getting so big. Haley's about to go off..." }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "You can stop holding your stomach in." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "...to college." }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "You still exercising?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Clearly. I look at Clint Eastwood or Chuck Norris and I think, there's no reason I can't stay tough like.. Oh, tickles! But... Aw!" }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "That hurt?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. Not r... ow. What?" }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "It's probably nothing. You feeling okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "Maybe we'll just run a couple of tests, just to be safe." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What kind of tests?" }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "If there's anything wrong, I'll give you a call." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "So how's the real estate market doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, interest rates are low, so it's a great time to be a buyer, but if you're a seller, you really have to..." }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "Bend over?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "True, but a quality property is still a quality..." }, { "from": "Dr. Sendroff", "value": "No, no, no. I need you to bend over." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Right. Well, let's dim the lights, crank up the Norah Jones, and get this over with." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, hey. How'd it go?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Amazing. I was so proud of him." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, thanks, honey. I'm kind of proud of me, too. Look at what they gave me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"California State Bar Association Award, for Distinguished Service in The Field of Environmental Law.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You should have seen it. They called his name, he went up on stage, he gave a great speech. It was humble, inspirational, with a touch of dry humor at the end. It was very Colin Firth." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam, thank you, But... it's hardly an Oscar." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So how was Lily? I hope you weren't too bored." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, please, are you kidding me? I love talking to her. She knows more words than Haley." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that looks great up there! How impressed are you with your uncle right now?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "So impressed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Darn it! I'm trying to send an e-mail. This mouse keeps sticking. Pretty big reaction. It's 10 bucks, tops." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You just reminded me about my dream last night. I was in the middle of a meadow, coming down a staircase, then suddenly a black mouse showed up. He stopped, stared at me in the eyes, and opened his little mouth." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What did it say?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What did he say, Jay? He was a mouse. They don't know how to talk." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now you're playing logic police? You're standing on a staircase in a meadow?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "In my country, when somebody dreams about a black mouse, it means that something bad is going to happen!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, don't worry about it. I dreamt about a lucky blue cow. We're good to go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, Jay, this is what I'm wearing for golfing tomorrow. Wanted to give you a heads up in case there's some overlap." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you going for here?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Matt Damon in \"Bagger Vance.\" You didn't get that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I did. I think you look just like him." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's the whole reason I asked you to teach me to golf. Any sport where you can wear this, I'm in." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who is that? It's 10:00 at night." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'll get it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hold on, Gatsby." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Hola! It's Javier! Open up!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Dad!" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "There's my campeón!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There's your black mouse." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Javier, what are you doing in town?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Well, I missed Manny's birthday, plus I have a free week." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're staying a week? Make that go away." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "So, Manny, tomorrow, in honor of you becoming a man. I am taking you to the racetrack to enjoy the sport of kings, hmm?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's so cool!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Actually, Manny and I have plans to play golf tomorrow." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Golfing? Pfft! That is for old men and for women who like women. Come on. Your dad is in town. Let's go to the races." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, can we all go?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no, baby, I can't. I promised Haley that I was gonna help her with her Spanish. But Jay's going to go with you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "But I was looking forward to playing..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You're going." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "That I don't miss." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Would you look at that?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, you know, I never saw us as trophy on the mantle people, but yours looked so gosh darned good up there, I figured, why not be proud of what we've done?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, \"First Place, Bass Catchers Spring Fish-Off, Missouri North Division.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "2-day total of 10 smallmouth bass weighing 34.24 pounds with a 4 1/2-pound kicker." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So you beat all the other boys aged 12 through 17?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sure did. Look at our trophies up there. We're a couple of winners, aren't we?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire? Where are all my razor blades?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They're not in that box?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I guess they're gone." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They can't be gone." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "3.14159." }, { "from": "Chip", "value": "Oh! I'm sorry, Phil. The correct answer is banana cream. Banana cream." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Banana cream. Well, you got me there, Chip." }, { "from": "Chip", "value": "But you're not leaving empty-handed, no. You're going home with a lifetime supply of Genesis twin-blade razors." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?! Two blades in one razor? Man, it'll never get better than that!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "You must have used them all up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They said \"a lifetime supply.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you got 15 years of free razor blades. Put that in the \"Win\" column and move on." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom, is it okay if my friend Walt comes over to play \"Rebel Fighters 3\"?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, don't you think it is a little weird that one of your best friends is an eighty-year-old man?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No, it makes it more fun, because he was in a real war. He says cool things like \"See you in hell, Klaus.\" I don't even know what that means. Oh, hey, dad, some doctor called for you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dr. Sendroff?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, that's it. You were in the shower." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What did he say?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "He wants you to call him right away. Oh, well. See you in hell, Klaus." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know. He ran a few tests on me yesterday. He said he'll call if something was wrong. And now he's calling. Hi, this is Phil Dunphy. I'm returning Dr. Sendroff's call. Are you serious?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's on a flight to London. Um, is there any way I can reach him, or...uh, uh, someone else I can talk to? Okay. Fine. Please just tell him it's urgent. Thank you. Oh, boy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I am sure it's nothing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, I'm tender under my arm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Maybe Luke hit you with his broomstick when you guys were playing Quidditch." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm way too fast, he never touched me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can assure you you are perfectly fine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's very comforting, coming from a marketing major at a party school." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I like the number 4 horse. He loves this track, his dad won the Preakness, last three finishes were in the money." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I like Miranda's Miracle." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "There's this girl Miranda in my class, and she is really pretty. If she likes me back, it will be a miracle. Would you bet $2 on that one for me, Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sure, but you are throwing your money away." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "You both are. The winner of the race will be number 7... my hometown." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Number 7... Well, he's carrying 3 extra pounds, and he hates the distance." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Those are just words on a page. I look the horse in the eye, and he tells me... he is the winner." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tells ya?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Perhaps this will sound crazy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No need for the qualifier." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "But I have always been able to see into the soul of a horse. It is a gift, and I do not question it. Just like I always end up on the shortest line at the bank." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Maybe I should bet on your horse." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you kidding me? These aren't just words. They give you all this information, so you can make an informed decision and beat the odds." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Yes, of course, and this is why everybody with a racing form is rich. Now come on. It's time to place our bets. What's it gonna be, Manny?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "$2 on my hometown. You really think he's going to win?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Well, I only know what he tells me with his eyes. Don't ask me why, but maybe in some previous life, I was a horse." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, hey, Alex called. She left her cell phone here. She's gonna come back and get it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, did you do something to your fish trophy?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, I forgot about this fun middle part. You see, now it looks like a fish jumping out of the water." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, right over mine." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do I sense something, Mitch? You know, just because mine's a little taller than yours, doesn't make yours any less important." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. That's not what I was feeling, not even a little bit." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my god. You don't like that I put my trophy up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just think it's a little weird that immediately after I win a trophy, You feel the need to dig this thing up and plop it down next to mine." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'll have you know that I want to display this for quite some time. But I put it in box in the garage with all my other awards... Yes, award-z... Out of courtesy to a sadly award-less you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It looks ridiculous. Mine is a distinguished professional award given to me by my peers, and yours was given to you on a pier." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, well, for your information, when I won this, it was a very big deal. I cut a ribbon at the grocery store and signed autographs. \"Best fishes, Cameron Tucker\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, you know what? I just remembered! Mine comes with a really fun pedestal, too! Oh! Look at that! Oh, and proper hierarchy is restored. Unless you suddenly remember that your fish came with a top hat." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Well, you know what? I'm gonna go get Lily from her party and go to the park." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "OK." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This award has changed you, Mitchell. You may be flying high now, but pretty soon, you're gonna be free falling, Tom Petty... Because you're petty. Tom Petty. Hmm? Get it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "About three sentences ago." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Haley." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hi, Gloria. Thanks for coming over." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "En español, por favor." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, hola, Gloria. Gracias for coming over." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, the whole thing." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't know the whole thing. Why do I even need to learn Spanish? I live in california. I'm never gonna use it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's the problem with Americans. They expect all of us to know their language, but they don't even make the effort to learn ours." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Win a war sometime. Then we'll start talking like you." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ha. So wrong." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, hey, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hi, Phil. How are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I wish I knew." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why? What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Uh, I don't wanna bum you out. My doctor did some tests and said he'd call if something was wrong, and he called this morning." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And what did he say?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know. I missed the call. Now I can't reach him." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The black mouse." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "In my dream. It was a bad omen. But probably not for you. The staircase. No, no, no. You're fine. You're fine." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Am I? Get this... 15 years ago, I won a lifetime supply of razor blades. They ran out... today. What's with the spitting? Are you warding off death?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. When I did I think I suck in a little bug." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "$16 for the first race, $10 from the second race, plus $34... $60? You're a genius, dad." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Well, I cannot take all the credit. It is a particularly chatty group of horses today." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I love gambling! It's so easy!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not easy." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Well, not for you. You've lost, what, three in a row?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, burn, Jay! I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. This is all so heady." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "$50 on little bacon to win." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Ooh-ee." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, ooh-ee." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? What ooh-ee?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "There is something not right about that horse." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I think I saw it, too." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You didn't see anything. This horse is a heavy favorite. The rest of the pack couldn't beat a merry-go-round. I'm sticking with Little Bacon." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's your funeral. Who are we going with, dad?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Nobody in this race, papito. It was quiet down there in the paddock just now... too quiet." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, gee. You know what? Make it $300." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, my." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm telling you, kid, this is the one. And you know how I know? 'Cause it said, \"pfft.\"" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "They don't talk like that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"Maria bought a beautiful white dress for her wedding.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Um, Maria compró un hermoso vestido blanco para su... I-I'm sorry. I cannot concentrate with him here. What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just taking it all in. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman... And don't you ever forget it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wow, he is so weird sometimes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, he's not weird! He's a saint! And you will miss him when he's gone... One day." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Your, uh, phone's on the table." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Cam's old fishing trophy. Yeah, when I woke up this morning, that's where I found it." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Right after you got yours?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my god. Welcome to my world. Last week, I got this beautiful plaque from the debate team for outstanding achievement, and what did my mom do? She found one of Luke's \"participant\" ribbons and a certificate Haley got for showing up somewhere on time, and put all three of them together on the same shelf! It's, like, so unfair!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Walt", "value": "Ah, come on, kid. I just lost an arm 'cause of you. Now get your head in the game." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sorry. I can't concentrate with my dad staring at me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I just love you so much." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "I hope he's talking to you." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ugh. Oh, great, now I'm dead. I'm going to the bathroom." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "You know, they say that happens." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Walt. You ever think about death?" }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "I'm 85. Death is my roommate." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got a call from the doctor. There's a 60% chance I'm gonna die." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Ha! Doctors... said I'd be dead ten years ago. Look at me. I'm healthy as a... I gotta go change my tank." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, you've gotta let this go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry, Claire. I don't know how to react when I find out there's a 70% chance I'm gonna die." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, listen to me. You're gonna be fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You really think so?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know so." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go Little Bacon. Go Little Bacon. You got this! You got this! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!" }, { "from": "Commentator", "value": "And the winner is number 9 Little Bacon by 3 lengths." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes! I knew it! You see that, Manny? Dumb luck always runs out. But if you live in the real world, and you use your head, not have it in the clouds like Dr. Dolittle there, you'll do okay." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Guess we should have listened to Jay on this one, dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You got that right. You should have listened to Jay. And I'll tell you something else. You can't look in a horse's eyes and tell there's something wrong. You can't even look in their eyes at the same time... One's here and one's here! Come on. Let's go to the window, kid. I may need some help carrying my winnings." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Oh. Wait. Manny : Jay, look. Jay : Inquiry." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What's that?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "It is when a horse has committed an infraction." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Possible infraction. Usually it's nothing. I'm sure..." }, { "from": "Commentator", "value": "The number 9 horse Little Bacon has been disqualified for interference." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Commentator", "value": "The winner is number 6, Bradswaxjacket." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "You see? The eyes... They do not lie." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Tough break, Jay. Here... Little something for gas." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Aah! That's a mouse! That's a mou... oh! Ew! Oh! Disgusting! Oh, no! No, cam, I-I was gonna make a big display!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I believe you have." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, Cam! There was a... Oh! Gross!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Javier", "value": "Listen, Manny, do me a favor and get me a cappuccino from right over there, okay?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, it's okay. I got it." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "So... You wanna talk about what happened back there?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not at all." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "You know... it is not just the horses whose souls I can read through their eyes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You really wanna know? I'll tell you." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Okay. I'll leave you alone." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, listen, hang on. I'm sorry I went after you like that in front of Manny. That was wrong." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "No, I get it. Nobody likes to lose at the races." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, what's up? What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We came as soon as we heard." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Heard what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We heard Phil got bad news from the doctor." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who told you that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Gloria!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, I didn't say that he got bad news... I said that he was getting bad news." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You don't know that he's getting bad news." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I saw a black mouse. Mitchell : I saw a black mouse. Cameron : So he says." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. You guys..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, this is worse than I thought!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, it's not. Listen to me. Listen. Phil is fine. As a matter of fact, you should go before he even knows you're here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no. We're staying." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're staying." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "We got here as soon as we could. Gloria : Did you bring the coffee cake? Javier : Yes, I have it right here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He carried it in from the car. I paid for it." }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Listen. Listen to me. I am very sorry for what you are going through." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Who is this?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who, indeed?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "I am Javier Delgado, Manny's father and Gloria's former husband and lover. I hope you do not think this is insensitive, but you are a beautiful woman, and you will have no trouble to find a man..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Javier! The body is not even cold yet!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The body is upstairs watching basketball. He is fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria said he was sick." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. He went to the doctor, he had some tests. The doctor called. That's it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Plus today he run out of his lifetime supply of razors." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's a sign." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This is a lot of hocus-pocus! I can't believe I bought a coffee cake over this!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait, wait, wait, no, no. I'm confused. What did the doctor say exactly?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know. We missed his call this morning." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The doctor called on Saturday?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. So?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not nothing. Not nothing. What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, it's just that, uh, Doctors don't usually call on Saturday with good news." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But they could call... I mean, he could call with anything. Do you think he's sick..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's... what's going on?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing. Nothing. Everybody just came by for absolutely no reason at all." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You look worried." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not worried." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, god. The plane's in trouble. You put away the drink cart and you're strapping in." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're gonna be fine, kid!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You are gonna be great!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Stop, please! You're freaking me out." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Are you gonna die?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know! There's stil a 5% chance I'll make it! It's Dr. Sendroff." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_11_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Guys, I don't know what's on the other end of this phone call... But whatever happens, I just want you to know, you've already given me a lifetime supply of happiness. I remember once as a child..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's it?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is it?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "H-hold on one second. He's calling about a real estate listing. I'm fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yesterday, you said you'd call if something was wrong. Then you called, then you disappeared. That is the most irresponsible, unprofessional thing I've ever heard of in my entire life! And do you have anyone to represent you in the sale of your current house?" }, { "from": "Javier", "value": "Look into his eyes. I don't care what the doctor says. I give him six months." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop staring." }, { "from": "Chip", "value": "So, Phil Dunphy, tell us a little bit about yourself." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, Chip, I'm married to a great lady... Hi, Claire! And I have a baby girl. Um, I'm a real estate agent, and I enjoy playing checkers." }, { "from": "Chip", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Both Chinese and American. And, uh, I am a fan of hip-hop." }, { "from": "Chip", "value": "Well, good for you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Though I try to stay neutral in the whole east coast/west coast thang." }, { "from": "Chip", "value": "Next up we have a..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "One quick thing... Shout out to my, uh, college buddy Ling, who built his own helicopter and is taking his first flight today, and, uh, I also wanna wish a happy anniversary to my in-laws Jay and Dede Pritchett. Your eternal love is an inspiration to us all." }, { "from": "Chip", "value": "Okay. That's enough. Next up, we have a homemaker from West Mifflin, Pennsylvania." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Hi." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do I really have to go to this thing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes. You're a big part of today. You're my support staff." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Then why am I not getting paid?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is a good question. And I think I'm gonna text you the answer on that cell phone we pay for." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, do you wanna practice your part again?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, no. It's just one question. I think I got it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, but it's the most important question because it launches me into my big finish." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That way, people leave excited." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, I think people will be excited to leave." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke... Why?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm sorry. It's for school. I have to design a container that'll protect an egg in a 1-story drop." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, so, um, you thought you would go with an egg carton?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What if the best idea was under my nose the whole time?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're gonna need to come down and clean this up now." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ugh! I wouldn't have to do any of this if Alex would just let me use hers from when she took the class." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Never. That design is my intellectual property. I think it has applications for unmanned space flight." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Keep talking like that and you'll go through life unmanned." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Funny." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Girls. Luke, honey, listen to me. You're gonna need to do this project on your own. And you can do it. Just... really think." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I've got it! What if I'm the container?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There's a thought. You could be... No, Luke! Luke!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, si, te quiero. Mwah, mwah, mwah!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I understood \"crazy old witch,\" \"go kill yourself,\" then \"I love you.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll never get this, how you all yell at each other." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's how you know that your family loves you... when they feel free to scream at you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I guess I owe my ex-wife an apology. Apparently, she was nuts about me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Darn it!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Try the next one over a frying pan. I could use some breakfast." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "This is so frustrating." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "At least you're getting your hands dirty for a change. Manny : It is a nice break from the life of the mind I usually live. Jay : That's the spirit." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Plus it's a metaphor for the human condition. Aren't we al just fragile eggs hiding behind bubble wrap and bravado?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And we're back." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, I'm sure that your egg-droppy thing is going to be the best in the class." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hmm. Except for Luke's." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Really? Our Luke? But isn't he, like, a little, like..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I bet Claire's gonna help him, just like she did with his self-portrait for art class. There was life in those eyes. It was haunting." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tell you what. I'm gonna nip this in the bud. You deserve a fighting chance. Hey, I'm calling about that, uh, egg project the boys are doing. Parents aren't supposed to help out on that, right?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why would the parents be helping?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why do they cut grapes for 8-year-olds? I figure if you can eat a chicken finger, you can tear your way through a grape." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Again, dad?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry, it just... bugs me, is all. The point is, I'm not helping, and I hope no one else is helping, either." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, dad. Thanks for the heads-up. Love you. Bye-bye. Well, my dad is doing Manny's project for him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He called to tell you that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no. He called to tell me that he wasn't, which is exactly what you say when you are, but you don't want anybody to suspect it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What would you say if you had issues with your father?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire and Jay are incredibly competitive." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Tennis games, card games, everything. Who knows why?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Claire is the son that my dad never had. I mean, he just wanted someone to throw a ball in the backyard. I did once, but... he did not attend." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Looks like fun." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It was, but now it's hard." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm sure you're gonna do great, buddy... Eee..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, I am just showing interest in our son's project, which any parent would... Think! Think... to do. Thinking... I am, that maybe I should stay here" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know. That's a little last-minute. You're kind of irreplaceable." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I mean, it's just one question, and the seminar isn't for a few hours..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Shh, shh, shh, shh. Hey, Gloria? Quick favor." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. See you there. Bye-bye." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Phil. He needs help with a seminar that he's giving." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why can't Claire help him?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He didn't say." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll tell you why... because she's knee-deep in Luke's egg drop project." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She said that she was not going to help." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's exactly what I would say to me if I was helping my kid and didn't want me to know." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why would you be talking to you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just saying it's unfair to Manny. The kid doesn't stand a chance on his own. I'm tagging in here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, he doesn't need you to baby him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm just gonna give him a few tips. Kid, get yourself a snack." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, I'll cut him some grapes." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Damn it!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Not like that, Jay. Like this. Look." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It just irritates me, you know what I mean?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're meeting with prospective birth mothers." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We've had a few of these meetings, and they're very nerve-racking. You want to look good, you want to make a good first impression... kind of like a first date." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "I have to say, Lily is adorable, and such a good eater." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, not all the time. She just happens to love my tuna salad. Dolphin safe, of course." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Oh, who cares about that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I bet the dolphins do." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "It's okay to eat tuna, but not dolphin? My theory is, a fish is a fish." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well... A dolphin's actually a mammal, so..." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Eh, to-may-to, to-mah-to." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "More like tomato, cow." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, can you help me with the scones in the kitchen?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse us. Okay, this is not really about the scones." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, really? You didn't need help carrying six scones?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, this is about your need to correct everyone's every little mistake." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I am sorry. I thought that she could use a basic biology lesson." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, let me give you a basic biology lesson... you and I can't make a baby. So if she points to a lamp and calls it \"Uncle George,\" what are you gonna say?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Pleased to meet you, Uncle George.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Very good. Now let's get out there, smile, nod, and get ourselves a baby." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "And those are your five keys. Now if there are no more questions... Ah, yes, the lovely home buyer right here on the edge of her seat." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I was wondering... I was wondering, is there a sixth key?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "As a matter of fact, there is. We'll work on that. It's the key to the new home you've purchased below market thanks to Woosnum, Keneally, and Dunphy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Bravo!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fire the confetti cannon, drop the banner, autographs, autographs, autographs, and we're done." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We still have, like, an hour left. Can I go shopping?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. I-I have vocal exercises to do, and I need you to do a sound check for me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, I was hoping we could go to my hair salon. It's nearby. I didn't have time to finish my hair this morning." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? That just happens?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ooh, and I can get my nails done. Is it okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Sure. Oh, oh! Could one of you guys stick this under a chair on your way out? One of the lucky attendees is going home with a brand-new mouse pad. Wait, wait, wait, wait! I don't wanna see which chair. I wanna be blown away like everyone else." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Yes. Now that is feng shui. Doesn't that feel better?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes. This is wonderful for conversation." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, this is nice. It gives the room a nice flow, which I'm really liking." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Sometimes, your furniture tells you where it wants to be. Yeah. Do you mind if I use your restroom?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Not at all. It's... it's just down the hall. Just be warned... there's some furniture in there that kind of likes where it is!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, I know it's killing you to do this whole song and dance, but I think it's going great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, there's a limit, okay? We already promised her that we would show her son all 52 states." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Oh, wow, you have a keyboard." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yes. That's mine." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "You're musical. I love that. It's very important to me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, you're preaching to the choir. Literally. I've sung in several." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, we sing to Lily... All of the time. Mm." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "I wish I could hear you guys." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, that's very sweet." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "No, now. The baby's father is a musician, and I would love to know that he's growing up in a musical household." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Now we are actually doing a song and dance." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, well, look at it this way... we're not only adopting a baby, we're saving it from a life spent searching for east Dakota." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, God." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is actually nice." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This is actually very nice to lean on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ugh! It broke again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Yes, I saw. We'll just need to double up on the cotton." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Here, let me save you a step." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Knock, knock!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad! Hey! What are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny needs that soldering iron I lent to Phil. One of the screws on his project keeps coming loose. Other than that, it's flawless. Huh. His latest test run, he dropped it off the roof, he walked downstairs, it hadn't landed yet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. So Manny's still working? Luke finished a couple hours ago." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is that why all these eggs are on the floor?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, well, you know, after so many landed safely, we thought we should test 'em, make sure we weren't working with a super strong batch." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sounds like you knocked it out of the park." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah, definitely. We did. Um, so dad, if I find out what Phil did with that soldering iron, I'll run it over." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Great. 'Cause, uh, we're gonna test it later today at the school." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Fun. Maybe we'll meet you. We can come anytime, right? 'Cause we don't have a... a spring problem." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Around five?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Perfect." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Bear with us. We're a little rusty. Cameron : Yes, and please put all cell phones on vibrate. [Singing]" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't go breaking my heart" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I couldn't if I tried Cameron : Honey, if I get restless Mitchell : Baby, you're not that kind?" }, { "from": "Cameron & Mitchell", "value": "Ooh, hoo Nobody knows it" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nobody knows, When I was down... Cameron : ...I was your clown. I really am a clown. Cameron & Mitchell : Oh, oh, I gave you my heart. Cameron : So don't go breaking my heart" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I won't go breaking your heart, Don't go breaking my..." }, { "from": "Cameron & Mitchell", "value": "Don't go breaking my heart [Stop singing]" }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Yeah, yeah. Thank you. It was wonderful. Oh. I'm confused, though. I thought Cameron was the singer." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Oh... Yes, yes, I am." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Really? Because Mitchell has such a lovely voice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I think he was following my lead. You know, a good leader can make all the difference." }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Actually, you were a little pitchy. But it was terrific, really." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes. Thank you for your opinion." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Faster! Faster! We're going to be late to your father. Why did you have to do your toes, too?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, there's this really cute boy at school who's kinda into my feet." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Be careful. That can get really creepy fast. Ay. Where is the car? I parked it here!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's a tow zone." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Somebody just put that there, because that wasn't here when I parked!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It looks pretty old to me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Haley, don't lie. That was not here!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Taxi! You see? They don't stop because I'm Latina." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Or because that was just a yellow car. My dad is gonna freak out. You have to take the blame for this." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why me?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, because he'll never get mad at you. He totally puts you on a pedestal." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's not true." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, it is. Let me just call the cab company." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Taxi!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's not rocket science, people, it's just a little red card. Okay. I guess nobody needs a mouse pad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "How's my favorite kid doing?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Favorite?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, I know, we're not supposed to have favorites. But you know what? We do. And the good news is, it's you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not giving you my design." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who said anything about giving? We can work out an arrangement." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's cheating." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do you want? Money? I got a little something set aside." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay. I shouldn't even be giving you this hint, but... first get a mirror." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "A mirror?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Then you're gonna look in it, and you're gonna see a crazy woman. She needs your help." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know, I made the egg that made you, that made that project, so in a lot of ways, that design is already mine! Oh, you're fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you sure that there are no more questions? No more questions? Yes! If we could just get that over to the mustachioed gentleman." }, { "from": "Audience member", "value": "Yes, I was..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, hey, I think we're all tired of that sound. Let me just come to you. I bet I know what your question is. You're probably wondering if there's sixth key." }, { "from": "Audience member", "value": "No, I was wondering about... I was wondering about accelerated escrow." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "If it works for both parties, it's a great way to expedite the deal. But back to your first question about this mysterious sixth key." }, { "from": "Audience member", "value": "I didn't say anything..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The sixth key is the key to the new home that you purchased below market using the simple principles that you learned here today... But not so" } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So, is there anything you want to know about us?" }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "I don't think so. In fact I don't think I need to interview any more people. You guys are perfect." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" }, { "from": "Lindsay", "value": "Well, I'm not supposed to say anything to you directly, but I think you guys should be expecting good news." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Aah! Oh, gosh! Oh, I know, I know, you're not saying anything!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But what you're not saying is wonderful!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Um, all right. I'm gonna get some sparkling cider? Yes, yes. Okay, okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It wouldn't be a celebration without cider or a celebratory song. But this time, I want you to sit right here. So have a seat here. Let's just get this mop out of the way there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me. Ooh, ooh, ooh, no, baby, please don't go. Ooh, ooh, ooh, no, I just want you to stay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, she was upset, but on a positive note, what I take from this experience is, I can sing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, what we didn't take away from the experience is a baby, because she decided to keep it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay. No. Did we missed everything? Phil : Yeah. They cleared out of here pretty fast. Haley : Bummer." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "More than a bummer, Haley. This was really important to me, and you blew it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no, Phil, it was my fault." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "It was not her fault. Okay. What's done is done. Can you take the brochures out to the car?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wow. It's still full." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, it is." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So it was not very good?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um... no. I kind of need to sweep here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay. But... but I'm so sorry, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's not okay. We came late and we ruined your whole presentation." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "These things happen." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, it happens and people get angry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gloria, it's fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, it's not fine! I'm trying to have a real conversation, and all you do is put me on a pedestal!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait a minute. You're mad at me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, because that's not how family's supposed to treat each other!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know how family's supposed to treat each other? They're supposed to actually think about each other! I asked you to do one thing... and you were too selfish and irresponsible to come through for me on a day that, believe it or not, was really important to me! Oh, my God. You're crying. I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No! That's what I want! You yell at me because you love me!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, you made me mad." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And you should be." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I'm not anymore." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't treat me like that, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because now I'm furious!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, mi familia! Si." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, how do you do that? It makes me so... Mad." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, Luke did pretty good, too, for a kid who still needs help getting out of his backpack." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Still your grandson." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Felt bad when I said it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, let's do this. Watch out, kids! They're coming down! One, two, three. How'd we do?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Both eggs are okay." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Great. So we both win." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Unacceptable. We're going up another level." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Absolutely. Come on. Third floor. Meet us there, Alex. Let's go." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wait. You don't have to do this. The assignment was for a 1-story drop. We both get A's." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're doing this." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't like this. The two of them talking up there... they're gonna figure out what we did." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We did what we had to." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We're gonna get caught." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look at them down there. They're not even paying attention. This is the best part." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Actually, Manny looks kind of upset." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why would he be? He's about to kick Luke's butt." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, knock it off. Luke and Manny had as much to do with this project as they did with the Manhattan project." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You think that's what's going on? They're upset because we took over for them?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They were supposed to... to learn from this, and... and we ruined it. We should go talk to them." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, God. Oh, God." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Just stay frosty." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So, uh, we realized a couple things up there, and I think apologies are in order." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "OK, we admit it. We tricked you into doing our projects for us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "This is the first I'm hearing of this." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We knew you'd do all the work if you thought you were competing with each other. So I told you I thought Claire was helping Luke, and then you called Claire..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Which got me involved, and..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right. Here's what's gonna happen... you're gonna get in the car, we're gonna drive home, and you're each gonna do your own projects." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Fine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm. Hmm. You know, this is your fault." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The way we compete with each other it's... is sick. It's so sick, two 13- year-olds know how to take advantage of us. And you know what? You made me this way." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How do you figure that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad! You pushed me into sports. You never let me win. You know, that stuff... it does something to a girl." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "For your information, you came out of the womb like that. I'm not entirely sure there wasn't a twin in there you bumped off." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "If you saw that in me, why didn't you discourage it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why would I discourage something that I love?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You kidding? You're a fighter. The thing I love about you is you never give up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Even though I clearly designed a superior egg container." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Out of your mind, old man." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Only one way to find out." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Give up. You're all just playing for second." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There's something wrong with that one." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm not wrong. Mom can be crazy, right?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thank you. At the same time, I feel guilty when I get mad at her." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't think that's weird." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Just really proud of my project. I don't wanna share it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Everybody has their own thing." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thanks, Haley. I know I may sound dorky, but this late-night conversations really mean a lot to me. They're the only time that I feel like I..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "OK, Corey, just one picture. Hold on. Ugh, my feet look fat from this angle. Hey, Alex, wake up. I need you to take a picture of my feet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_12_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Did you see it?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Does she know?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am angry, at that poll." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I think it's the yelling. I would tone down the yelling." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I don't yell for no reason." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You yelled at my teacher for calling me \"special.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil... What poll? Phil : Too late. She knows. Mitchell : Who told her?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What is this, a witch hunt?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I have to go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I just don't think it's a big deal. I mean, how many people read the \"weekly...\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"Saver\"?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "22,000... ish. My company adver... used to advertise with that newspaper." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And how am I angry and unlikable?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Can I take this one?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I wouldn't." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You seem angry now." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, that was not a compliment." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweetheart, you're not unlikable." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You just seem unlikable." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But if we work on it, it's totally fixable." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How? How, Phil? How are we gonna \"work on it\"?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "First of all, lose the snippy attitude." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And I don't know... maybe we could have a mock debate." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh. Good idea. That way, mom can rehearse her views on the issues." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, and we can point out all the little things she does that turn people off. Like that look. I would lose that look. Spooky, but better." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. Thank you very much. Hey, Lily! Come here, honey! Hi! Do you know what this is?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "A box." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Containing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She doesn't know \"containing.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, that's how she learns new words, by us using them." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Or, that's how we lower her self-esteem, by bombarding her with confusing vocabulary." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "What's the box containing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Told you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. It's your dress. It's finally here!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's every little girl's dream to be a flower girl in a wedding." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's Lily's chance to shine. Cameron : I was a 3-time ring bearer. Mitchell : It's Lily's chance to shine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Pretty!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no, Cam... Cam, she's gonna look like little bo peep. Cameron : Or little bo cheap. Look at this fabric. It's already pilling. Mitchell : Maybe it will look better on." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You mean turned on? Mitchell : No, it does not... Cam! Oh! Lily : I love it!" }, { "from": "Cameron & Mitchell", "value": "No, you don't." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my gosh. Are we really gonna let her wear this?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what? If the bride wants to have a tacky wedding, she can have a tacky wedding. Lily will be the bright spot." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Literally." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Heard it as soon as I said it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Stella! Where's my good girl? Gloria, is Stella up there?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. But I am. Why don't you say \"hello\" to your wife when you come home?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, why don't you greet me at the door, wagging your tail? Stella, honey! Where are you? Stella! My baby! Stella, I'm coming! I'm coming! You okay? You okay?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why are you swimming in your clothes?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because I'm self-conscious about my body. Stella fell in the pool." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's my fault. I let her out, and then I got caught up in my couponing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Any coupons for swim lessons? 'Cause Stella needs some." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Seriously? Manny you teach to swim by throwing him in the pool, but the dog gets swimming lessons?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I gotta say, it was unpleasant but effective." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We have to teach Stella how to swim. Otherwise, she could drown." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why don't you teach her not to jump in the pool?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "She didn't jump in the pool. She fell in the pool. Why, suddenly, would she jump in the pool when she doesn't know how to swim?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why does she bark at the vacuum? It's a thing. It is never going to play with you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Are you saying that Stella is stupid?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you covering her ears?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Let's have a little compassion. She's probably still traumatized from her near-death experience. Again? What's happening?!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Welcome, candidates. Mrs. Dunphy..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you for having me." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And councilman Bailey." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Gosh, thank you so much, Alex. I'm deeply honored to be here, and I remain, as ever, a humble servant to the greatest little town in the greatest darn..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Eye-rolling." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Playful eye rolling." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "How do we, as voters, know it's playful? I would avoid it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. No eye rolling." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And don't purse your lips like that. It makes you look annoyed." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And don't touch your face." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, no face touching. Seems nervous." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Some of this is subjective. What? What now?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley & Luke", "value": "Finger." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It looks like you're scolding us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I will keep my hands at my sides. Phil : Not on your hips. You're not superman. Alex : Can we get started?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We haven't started?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I've prepared some questions. Claire : Oh, goody! Actual questions. Phil : Honk. Sarcasm." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Just go." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, Mrs. Dunphy, why are you running for local office?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, that's, um, that's good. I... um, I..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, you really shouldn't stutter over a basic question like that. You should at least know why you're running." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I thought the moderator was supposed to be objective." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Not if she's the only one in the room who has actual debate experience. Now why are you running?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I saw the need for a stop sign in..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Liar!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I-I just think you should be ready for anything." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I saw the need for a s... What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sorry. Accidental buzz." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I saw the need for a stop sign in my neighborhood, and although I collected the necessary signatures and did the paperwork, I found local government to be entirely unhelpful... when... what?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Too long. I'm bored." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, next question. I feel like I'm in school." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Some say the political system is bogged down by ideological hard-liners unwilling to compromise." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "How would you respond to that, councilman Bailey?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I would like to use my lifeline." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'll take this. If elected, I would consider all perspectives, and I would not ignore opposing viewpoints." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Helicopter. Just keep going." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I would consider all perspectives, and I wouldn't ignore opposing..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You suck!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You have to be ready for hecklers." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. I'm doing over. No buzzing. If elected, I... What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Too close to the mic. Claire : Phil, it's a hairbrush. Phil : Okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "If elected, I would consider all opinions and not ignore those of the opposition, as councilman Bailey has done for six terms. What? That was a great answer." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, I couldn't hear it because you were showing me the bad side of your face." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have a bad side? Yeah, the left." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. It's the right." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, dad, it's totally the left. I mean, look at it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweetheart, why do you think I chose my side of the bed?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay! Okay. Thank you. Thank you, family. This has been super-duper helpful." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hands, lips, sarcasm, eye-rolling, wrong side of the face." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah. Now I see it. Yep. She's ready." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And it's this, and it's this. Not this, but this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Okay, that's good, Cam." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Save... let's save some petals for Lily, all right? Okay. Let's do it over here, sweetheart." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Right over here. Okay. There you go. Oh, like you're coming down the aisle!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Yeah. Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not too many at once." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's good. Okay. You're doing great, Lil." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, she is, isn't she?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Forget the bride. All the eyes are gonna be on her." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Oh ***" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I cannot believe you laughed!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I am sorry. But you know I have two weaknesses... children cursing and old people rapping." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, we have to tell her it's a bad word." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. That just gives it more power. The less we make of it, the better. Let's just pretend like it never happened." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Yeah, maybe it... maybe it didn't. Maybe we... maybe we misheard." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Maybe she said \"truck.\" Or... or \"duck.\" Or \"luck.\" She could have said \"yuck.\"" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Daddy, can I have some ice cream?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, honey, if you're hungry, you can have some fruit." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Fruit? ***" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I have two children." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil? Phil, is this televised?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make you nervous." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Great plan. Really good plan. Throw me for a curveball at the last minute." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, chill. It's just public access. My debate team's on public access, and the only people who watch me are you guys." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. All the time." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So maybe nobody will see this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. We want people to see this. That's how you win elections. That's the whole point." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Then mom should do something so crazy and stupid, it goes viral." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom, please don't go viral." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. I'll add that to my list of things not to do... don't touch my face, don't roll my eyes, don't point my fingers, and definitely don't go viral. Do any of you still believe in me?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of course we do. We're on your side." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "The right side. Not the left." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let's grab a seat." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right. Left." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay. Mom, just be confident." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm? Based on what? I just lost a debate in my living room, and people think I'm unlikable." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's just the word men use for powerful women because they feel threatened. So just forget everything else and be proud and powerful." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How did you get so smart?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I've always assumed adoption or baby switch." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey. Hey. No kisses! Proud and powerful." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sorry." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And no apologizing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes! Shut up and get in there!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's more like it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There she is! Go get 'em, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Don't worry. We're going to cheer for you no matter what you say." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, good. More support from my loving family." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sarcasm. Why'd you bring Stella?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She keeps getting out and jumping in the pool. We don't wanna take any chances because she can't swim." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Then why does she keep jumping in the pool?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I've been thinking about it. I got a theory. She might be suicidal." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What? That's crazy. There's not such thing as doggy suicide." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Hi. Duane Bailey. Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. In addition to being a public servant, I'm also an award-winning breeder of puggles. I've won the puggly. Twice. And I'm afraid that doggy suicide is all too real. It's just the mainstream media doesn't report on it, 'cause it's not as sexy as feline A.I.D.S." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Stella is not suicidal. She's just... estupid." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Well, that might be part of your problem. She senses you don't like her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You have no idea. This one's been against this little angel from the very beginning." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Yeah, well, dogs pick up on that. You know, they're very sensitive. I like to call them, um... Bottomless pits of need. But not to their face, though. That would just destroy them. Not you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So now this is my fault?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think he knows what he's talking about. The man won a puggly." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Two. I won two pugglies." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "We're done here." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "In 2000... Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you have any idea what station this is on?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Here, I'll look online." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's a Webcast? That would have been helpful to know 900 channels ago." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, it's on public access or something." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I wanna watch aunt Claire!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Well, first, honey, we need to talk about something. It's about that word you said this morning." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "What word?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, the one that starts with \"f\"?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "\"Flower\"? Mitchell : No. Lily : \"Fruit\"? Mitchell : No." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "If she doesn't remember it, we shouldn't remind her." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, well, she said it three times." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Oh, you mean ***" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, leave the room!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. I can do this. Lily, that is a bad word, and you are not allowed to say it ever." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "But it makes you laugh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, daddy shouldn't be laughing, and you should never say that word. Do you understand?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Maybe." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. This is not a game, all right? If you say that word one more time, I'm gonna take away all your toys! I'm serious! She knows I'm not serious." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What about the wedding? What if she says it there? She's like a ticking time bomb!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, what are we gonna do, cancel?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes. Maybe we just call and say, \"we're not going to any more weddings until the gays can get married.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, so now we're political? We leave town on gay pride weekend because we don't like the traffic." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Duane", "value": "But there's no substitute for experience. For example, I doubt my opponent is familiar with town ordinance 26-12B..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "26-12B has to do with noise pollution... something, sir, that you are guilty of right now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no she di'int!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Go, mom!" }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Ladies and gentlemen..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Look at her eyes." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I know. They're a little too close together. It's been bugging me for years." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, she's in the zone. She's ready for anything." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "I do like to talk... about the issues. Speaking of issues, your husband seems to have some." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry? I'm not sorry. What?" }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Oh, well, I wouldn't want to bring it up, but since you asked, um... In February of last year, your husband, one, uh, Phillip Dunphy, was questioned at a local hotel for lewd and lascivious conduct." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, jeez." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's not true." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Ma'am, according to this police report, he, uh, broke into a stranger's room, stripped naked... and then posed provocatively on the bed." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is technically true, but in all fairness, it was Valentine's day." }, { "from": "Duane", "value": "Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. It was Valentine's day. I'm not sure, uh, if your husband was born in this country. Ah. Perhaps he snuck in illegally, but here in America, we celebrate Valentine's day with chocolates, not our private parts." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is my new favorite show." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Duane", "value": "If you believe that, I have some talking puggles I'd like to sell you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Do you believe this?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Talking dogs? I'm skeptical. Duane : I won the puggly. Twice. Alex : Be strong." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am glad that my opponent brought this up, as I feel that it speaks to his character more than mine. I think that we should raise the level of discourse and get back to the issues that the voters really care about." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "When he was naked, what were you wearing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I... don't think that's relevant." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Are you sex freaks?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "My personal life has nothing to do with this. Uh... the... my opponent has brought this up to distract from his own record, which shows that in... in six years, he has achieved nothing more than writing one ordinance that allows private parties to have more than eight dogs. Hmm. Hmm." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's like watching the \"hindenburg.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "This is the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Excuse me!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Stand by." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am Phil Dunphy, and I am not a pervert. I, like a lot of men in this town, enjoy making love to my wife. I mean, um... I mean with their wives. Not me, them. Look, I should probably just sit down and say nothing. But it's too late. I am standing, and I'm obviously talking, and now you're looking at me, and I feel the need to keep going. First of all... No charges were filed. Everyone had a good laugh... about the situation, not... not about me. Everything's fine down there. Anywho... Where were we?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "All over YouTube. We went viral." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Some sick bastard auto-tuned me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay! Manny! We should have been there already!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, I'm tying my tie!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm accessorizing!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And I thought I was the woman. The door. Ay! Estella, no! No! Ay! No! No! Estella, don't do it! Don't kill yourself! You are a perfectly fine dog! I don't hate you! Estella, okay, I was a little mean to you, but that's no reason to kill yourself! You are young! You still have so much left to smell! Ay! I am... I go! I'm coming! I'm... Manny! Ay! Come on, Estella!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What happened? Manny : Are you okay? Gloria : She did it again." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And you jumped in to save her?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Jay! I wanted to take a little swim before going to the wedding! Jay : Get her a towel she's shaking like a leaf. Oh, no, no, I meant... I meant... Gloria : Thank you, Jay. The dog towel for me. For the wife." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, guys, hi. Hi." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, what's shakin'? What's cooking?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You saw the debate, didn't you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": ": The de-what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, that wasn't... that was today? No, no. Was that on today? Oh, I didn't remember." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You are the worst liars." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was phenomenal television." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, Lily. What a... dress." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, you ain't seen nothing yet. How about there... we go." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wow. Ohh." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yikes." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "She looks like a lite brite." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, honey. Lily, sweetie, are you excited to be a flower girl? Yeah? Little bit nervous? Yeah? Why isn't she talking to me? Did she see the debate, too?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Nope, she's on verbal lockdown." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She's been dropping a certain curse word all day." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, so we're just hoping the next one doesn't happen during the wedding." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "If it does, it'll be the second most embarrassing thing to happen to our family today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, you said it wasn't that bad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That was in the car. We're in a church now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Somebody turn her off. I think I'm having a seizure." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, buddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, good. I thought that we were going to miss Lily." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ships at sea wouldn't miss Lily. Where have you guys been?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I had to jump in the pool to save the stupid dog..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who she loves." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That I didn't let her down doesn't mean that I love her. I barely got Manny back in the pool after that possum incident." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I thought it drowned, but turns out it was just playing possum." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, papi." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good job!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know what the worst part of today was?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I imagine it's hard to choose." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "When everything was melting down, I realized I had an answer to your question why I was running. I wanted to make my family proud, and I did the exact opposite." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I did. I totally embarrassed you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No. No, dad embarrassed me. I was proud of you. I think it's cool you're running for local office. I mean, it's totally nerdy, and that's kind of my thing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm. Maybe it's kind of our thing." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ah. Some day, I'll walk you down the aisle." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "If you're not in perv’ jail." }, { "from": "Minister", "value": "Please be seated. Friends, family, thank you for making..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, you know I cry at weddings." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Stop... stop crying." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, just because you have ice water in your veins, doesn't mean that..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No, Lily... No. Lily... He's fine. Daddy's fine. Daddy's not sad." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Daddy, daddy! ***" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You see? I told you it was funny." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "*** *** *** ***" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse us. Congratulations." } ] }, { "id": "episode_13_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go on, you little motorboat! Look at her go! Where's she going? Oh, jeez, I think she's trying to get herself sucked into the filter. What'd you say to her?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I didn't say anything!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wait a second. Jay, look." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "See? She was not trying to kill herself. She was just trying to get to the squeaky wiener!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That must be why she's been jumping in. It must have been there all the time. That's hilarious!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, si! No, it's not!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not now. I'm saying it will be. Later." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I hope Tad likes salmon. It's a bit of a risk serving fish to a first-time diner at Dunphy's. Maybe I should marinate a steak for backup." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I think someone has a man crush." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "First of all, I would never date a potential client." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's \"first of all\"?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Secondly, I really need this to go well so he makes me his realtor. This guy's flipping properties like they're extras in a kung fu movie." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "So you're just kissing up to this guy for his money?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not just. I really like him. He travels the world doing charity work, rock climbs, flies planes..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "How does he have time to do all that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Got divorced, and his whole life opened up. Guy's living the dream. His dream. Not my dream. I'm living my dream. You're my dream." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You can stop." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I so don't want to do this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Recently, Haley got a little creative on one of her college applications and listed herself as a \"big sister.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Technically, I am a big sister." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She capitalized the \"b\" and the \"s.\" Haley : Which makes sense, 'cause it was. Phil : So Claire and I suggested..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Forced." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That she volunteer for the organization. We couldn't be prouder." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We could. Little bit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll tell you if you can answer the following question... What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know. What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, one's a bottom-feeding mud-dweller. The other's a fish." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Zing! Honk!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, everyone, dinner is served! Let's get it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Our house is being fumigated, so Jay and Gloria invited us to stay here for a few days. I am very excited to have 72 hours with this one." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We don't get to spend much time together, so I know that we're gonna be like, um..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Fred and Ginger?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Movie night!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Tad, this wine is fantastic." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Spend a week in Mendoza, and you'll find a dozen or so malbec producers that'll give most Bordeaux a real run for their money." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "I'm sorry. This should come with a warning... \"may cause pretentiousness.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You should come with a warning... \"may be fascinating.\" Oh! Excuse me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, oh, gosh! Oh. Ow. Oh, that's, like, the ninth time this screw has popped out." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, you know what? I need the angled screwdriver. I left it at the office. Mm. I, um, I keep it there because o... of all my signs. I'll, uh, put up a \"for sale\" sign, and next day, of course, I gotta put up the \"sold\" banner." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Then the next day, same deal... \"for sale \"sold.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"For sale.\" \"Sold.\" \"For sale.\" \"Sold.\" Claire : You're a great... great salesman. Tad : I'm getting that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"For sale.\" \"Sold.\"" }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Right. Listen, I-I-I gotta go relieve the babysitter. My ex-wife took 50% of my stuff and left me 100% of my kids. They're great." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, listen, um, thank you so much for coming." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, yeah." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Oh, no, thank you, Phil, so much for the salmon and the steak and the chicken and the shrimp. I mean, it was all just delicious." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, great." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "This guy is very lucky to have you. Okay. Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let me grab that." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Yeah. Yeah. Thanks so much. Bye-bye." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Bye-bye. Did you see that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A handshake that almost became a hug? Yeah, I saw it. I lived it. I think I'm in." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, honey. He kissed me on the lips." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Another good sign!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's not a good sign. Sweetie, you don't think that's weird?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, the guy's a world traveler. He has a time share in Costa Rica. That's probably how they do it there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know, honey. It felt like he lingered." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Biscuits and gravy?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yep, my grandma Bitsy's secret recipe, given to her by her housekeeper Delilah, who raised her and was her best friend... kind of like \"The Help,\" except Delilah was white, and was actually herself quite the racist. Eat up." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Good morning!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hi, mom." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hi, sweetheart." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, where did those come from?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, I thought amaryllis were out of season." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I got a guy. You know, I just thought they'd brighten up the house a little bit." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, that was so thoughtful of you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "There she is!" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Gloria! Gloria!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! Let me fix your hair!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. Well, isn't that sweet?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ah! That smells delicious, but nothing for me. I've got an early work lunch." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really? I didn't hear an ambulance." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, it's funny because it's what I've dedicated my life to. Cameron : Oh, is this that meeting with the deejay with the funny name? Mitchell : Booker Bell." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Booker Bell." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Booker Bell?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Everybody now!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Booker Bell was only the greatest deejay in the history of Drive Time Radio." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, well, now he has some wetlands that developers want, and we're trying to get him to donate for preservation." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "When I was on the road selling, I used to listen to Booker all the time. He practically invented the prank phone call." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Wish me luck." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Good luck, sweetie!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Booker would play a prank, the sucker would be twisting in the wind, and just when you couldn't stand it anymore, he'd say, \"guess who just got their bell rung!\" God, I'd love to meet him." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, they're just going down to Rae's. You should pop down. I'm sure he'd love to meet a fan." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't know. I met Boz Scaggs once, got all tongue-tied. Cameron : Oh, you'll be fine. Oh! Oh, Lily, it's time for school, sweetie. Gloria : Oh, I can take her." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Yay! Yay!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh. That'd be great. Yeah, it'd give me some more time to clean the kitchen. Maybe do a little dusting." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Delicious, Cam." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Annie was amazing, so funny and cute and sweet." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah, you've said." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "She made this for me last night. Look how she signs her name with that big loopy \"a.\" I'm totally going to frame this." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I made this for Haley four years ago. You think this got framed? She tossed it in the garbage... Right after she wrote \"Mrs. Haley Jonas Brothers\" on it, like, 30 times." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The tax write-off alone makes financial sense. You know, even if you take the environment out of it." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "Well, don't take the environment out of it. Without the wetlands, there's no ducks, and without the ducks, there's nothing for me to shoot at." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Well, we're shooting from two different angles, but, uh, hopefully we'll end up at the same place." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitch." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I just had to stop down and meet this guy. Booker Bell, I'm Boz Scaggs... No! I mean Jay Pritchett. Damn it." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "It's nice to meet you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "This is such an honor. You are hands down my favorite radio personality of all time." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "That's kind of you to say." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Well, thanks for stopping by, dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, I gotta tell you one thing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'll see you back at the house." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "One time when I was driving from Youngstown to Sugar Creek, you called this guy at a Kitty Litter Company and you asked him to bring over 900 pounds of litter, and in the background, you hear all these lions roaring, and... I-I-I laughed so hard, I almost had an accident." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "The car or you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Funny as ever! Anyway... Hey, are you still in touch with the old gang? Grandma Groovy? Spaceman Clyde?" }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "Are you kidding? I am the old gang." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No way." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "I may be old, but I still know how to boggie." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My God, it's like she's here!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "She is here! How are you still not getting this? That's her. Booker : Excuse me for a sec." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? I'm a fan. I came down to say hi." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This is a business meeting. Do you have any idea how inappropiate this is? No. No, of course you don't, because as far as you're concerned, all a lawyer does is walk into a bar with a rabbi and polar bear." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Grizzly, 'cause otherwise, with the bartender..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad! I'm working! You're embarrasing both of us! Please, you gotta go!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, I didn't realize that. Mitchell : Yeah. Yeah. You didn't. Jay : I'm sorry," }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Go!" }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "Hey. Where's my stalker?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, he's gone. I've got rid of him. I'm sorry that he attacked you like that." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "Attacked? No, I don't mind a little smoke of my bloomers." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, just I thought since this was a business meeting, we should..." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "And you thought that maybe hanging with somebody would make me feel good with racket?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "There's been a lot of tension between me and my dad. I'm actually staying at his house..." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "Oh, so you chased away a man who's opening his home to you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I get the sense that I'm losing you. Could I talk to Grandma Groovy?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": ": Honey, I'm home." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Hell, I didn't expect you so early dear.." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What? You?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, look who came by to fix the table." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Well, I had some time to kill, so I thought I'd drop by with that tool your wife needed." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wow. What a guy. Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. He also brought some wine." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Well, you said you liked it last night, so I had a couple extra bottles lying around." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Boy, do you know the way to this gal's heart." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Okay. I didn't just come here to fix your table and get your wife drunk. I actually decided to give you that listing on the sycamore property." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? That's great." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Yeah. Why don't you, uh, come over for dinner tonight? And, uh, we'll work out all the details. One entree. Okay. Claire, you should come, too." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no, no. No, no, if it's business..." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "I insist." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He insists. We'll be there. We're coming." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Okay. Yeah, shall we say, uh, 7:00?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "7:00 sounds great." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "I'll let myself out." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Wow\" is right." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I just got sycamore... a house that sells itself and gives me the commission." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How does that not bother you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, it's an expression. There's work. Inspections, appraisals..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He brought me wine, he took his shirt off when you weren't here!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um, he brought us wine, and it doesn't look super vacuumed down there. I'm surprised he kept his pants on." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Okay, I can see what's going on. You... you're just so focused on getting his business, that you don't see what's going on in front of you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Now I do see what's going on." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come here, pretty girl." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? Mm?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You are, you know. You don't hear it enough. The other night, when you put on makeup, I was like, \"there she is.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God. You think I'm making this up as some part of a-an ego boost? Do you realize how insulting that is?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Helping my little sister with her homework." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That seems... mean." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Annie, this is Alex. That other sister I was telling you about." }, { "from": "Annie", "value": "Hi. So nice to meet you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Um, if you're going to study there, you might need to correct numbers 7 through 10. This bed has higher standards than that bed." }, { "from": "Annie", "value": "I'm going to get some more lemonade. I think your sister's mad at our sister." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We're back!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, there you are. I guess \"lunch then home\" means different things to different people." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We had a girls' day. Lily, Lily, come! Show your papa what we bought!" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Matchy jackets!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's like she's the baby leopard, and I'm the mama." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Or they just happened to have two jackets, one large, one small." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What happened here? Where is my tea?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, it's in this drawer over here. As a thank-you, I took some time to rearrange your kitchen so it makes sense." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "To who?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "To everyone. There's a flow now. Watch... Tea. Mug. Kettle. You're welcome." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I didn't thank you. Cameron : You don't have to. Gloria : I won't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm sorry. You're right." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No. I'm sorry I snapped. I'm just going through some stuff with this girl I like, Danielle. She came over the other day, and Stella was all over her, and--and I got jealous. Which is crazy, right? I mean, Stella was only playing with her because she was new." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Manny, sounds like Danielle was trying to get between you and your puppy, and that ain't cool. She seems immature, and you can do better. I'm sorry to be blunt, but I'm going through something myself right now. So, chin up. Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who is this Danielle?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "She's my study partner in my history class, and we share a notebook. But her notes were really confusing, so I put them in order. Instead of thanking me for making our lives easier, she got all mad because she thought I was judging her." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "This girl is very bad news, Manny. You stay away from her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're Phil and Claire." }, { "from": "Tony", "value": "Hey, I'm Tony. Come on in. I'll go get my dad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great, thanks." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. I don't like the way that kid was looking at you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We are not friends right now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am only here to help pump up the college fund." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Claire, if Tad even makes a move towards you, his ass is... grass." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really? I thought that was just my ego." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So far, yeah, but just know, I'm ready to grass his ass." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Hey, hey, hey, guys. Phil : Hey! How are you! Tad : Good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good to see you." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi. That's good. Phil : Well, I love the place. Phil : Did you remodel this?" }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Uh, actually, my ex-wife. She had a, uh, passion for modern architecture and at least one modern architect. May have to sell this one next." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? Wow. I love how open it is. Do you mind if I, uh, poke around?" }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Please, yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Beautiful." }, { "from": "Ellen", "value": "Tad, if you don't need my help anymore with the kids, I'll be going." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Thank you so much, Ellen." }, { "from": "Ellen", "value": "You're welcome." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Okay. We'll see you later. Bye." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I saw this house eight years ago. There used to be a wall here, right?" }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "That's right. That's right. That was all covered. Phil : Yeah. I'm a detail guy. Hard to get much past me. Kara : Hello, hello!" }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Hi, Aunt Kara! Hey! How are you?" }, { "from": "Kara", "value": "Good, Tad, how you doing?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Tad’s daughter", "value": "Bye, daddy." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Bye, sweetie." }, { "from": "Tony", "value": "Bye, dad." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Have fun." }, { "from": "Kara", "value": "Okay. See you later. Come on, guys, let's go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "These stairs used to be teak, am I right?" }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "This guy's good." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, he's good. He's sharp." }, { "from": "Ellen", "value": "I forgot my bag." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "You do that every time." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yep. I don't miss much." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you trying to read?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're the one who tries to read." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my gosh! I am not that stupid!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Seriously, Haley, you think you are the coolest person ever!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Would you please stop just judging me and everything that I do?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"Look at me! I'm so cool!\"" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Enough! Enough! I am so sick of you two fighting all the time! You're a bad big sister, and you're a bad little sister! And you're both bad big sisters to me. Be normaler." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I've never seen him like that." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, we do kind of neglect him. And if you think about it, he is kind of... our little sister." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Remember how we used to dress him up?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I miss her." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I hear you, and I don't like where this is going! Haley : You get the lipstick, I'll get the bra and tennis balls. Alex : Betty Luke!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I will burn this house down!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Where is the cheese grater? Where is the cutting board?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Where would you want it to be?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, right here next to the cheese grater." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Please, can we just focus on the cooking?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Daddy, we forgot to give you this. It's like our jackets." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I love it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, dad..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No need to talk about it. I was out of line coming down there, won't happen again. Scotch is at the bar." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I've been giving this a lot of thought." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I guess we're gonna talk about it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was rude to you. I think I was just annoyed by all the lawyer jokes. I mean, let's be honest, you don't exactly beam with pride over what I do for a living." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mockery is the sincerest form of flattery." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Pretty sure that's... that's not the saying, but, um, you know, Manny told me a story about his friend Danielle. She sounds like a real piece of work, by the way. But, uh, it made me realize that I take myself a little too seriously." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, it goes without saying I've always been proud of you, and I brag about you all the time. So if I say, \"what do lawyers use as birth control?\" And the answer is, \"their personalities,\" I want you to know I'm not referring to you. You don't need any birth control. Hello? Yeah, this is Jay Pritchett. What? When? What happened? It's the police. My car got stolen. Yeah, 2012. Gray. No, not pewter. More like a light... Like a... no, not slate. I don't even know what \"coastal fog\" is. Just put down \"gray.\" Kilo? It's not my car. Yes, she's Columbian. What does that have to do with... no, I'm coming down there. Hang on. Grab your keys. I think I might need a lawyer." }, { "from": "Booker", "value": "Guess who just got his bell rung?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's good. That's good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Tad", "value": "Here we go. Have a seat. I got a bottle of port from 1899." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Whoa." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wow!" }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Okay, I got it for $18.99... But it's a good one." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Fun night, right? Great dinner?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Yes, and... Tad is... great, and I know I was giving you a hard time..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But I feel like I should say that I am sorry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, hey, hey, Claire, you don't need to explain. Your apology is apology enough." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Oh, I forgot the best part of the Costa Rica story. So we get home, and they've taken over the living room, they've taken over the kitchen, I mean, they're in the food, they're on the bed. And finally, after two years of complaining to Diego about this, he finally stops and says, \"okay, now I see it. You do have a monkey problem.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "A monkey problem!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I heard him the first time." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Tad", "value": "I mean, they're in everything. The only thing they didn't touch... the bananas." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "The monkeys love bananas! You would think they would love the bananas." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, we should go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on. The bananas..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, we need to go. We gotta get going." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no, no, no." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, yeah, we're late." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But he just opened the..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We're late for getting home. Thanks for everything. Just..." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Tad", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is wrong with you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You laughed like it was \"who's on first?\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? He's on second." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't try to cheer me up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know what's going on here. You're jealous." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of him? He's not even funny! What's he got? Like, a soft ten minutes? And he goes to the Costa Rican well a little too much for my taste." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, God." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? This is still about the monkey?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No! No, no, no! It's you. You are making me so happy right now. You stormed out of there, and you're acting like an idiot." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You like this? Because I am really uncomfortable." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, I love it. Makes me feel special." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sometimes, I really don't understand you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. It's stupid, but it's nice to know that sometimes you'll fight for me, and all I have to do is laugh at some other guy's story. But no one makes me laugh like you do." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "As long as it's always genuine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You can fake anything you want with me, but not your laugh. I'd like to go back." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_14_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Stop it! Leave me alone!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hold still!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Stop moving!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I hate you! Get off of me!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What... is going on?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You guys are in a lot of trouble. Haley, I told you to clean this mess up, and, Alex, your books are everywhere. Betty Luke, sit down while your dad gets the camera." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Got it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Last time, you made a funny face and we didn't really get a good shot, so let's work on our smile." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Good to see you, Betty Luke." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whoa. What's all this?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom heard us say we were bored." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Suckers." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She heard us from outside." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "She has super good hearing, like a seeing eye dog. They have overdeveloped hearing to make up for the fact that-- Wait, the dogs aren't blind. Wait. Are they? No, that wouldn't make sense." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're right. If I wait long enough, she can get there by herself." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Quick, girls... famous Danny from \"Moonstruck.\" Aiello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Phil. I'm glad I caught ya." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's up?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, it's about Steven and Stefan. They wanna see that house on Briar again." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? I showed it to them five times. Last time we were there, I think they got mail." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, well, that's why I'm calling. They hate upsetting people, unless, of course, it's me. Then they don't mind waking me up at 7:00 A.M., asking me to call you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's no problem. I'm just hanging around. Kind of bored, really. What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, we did our good deed for the day." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, for the enemy. Don't they have enough?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's been about a year since we decided to adopt a boy. Meanwhile, our friends Steven and Stefan decided that they wanted a baby, too." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wonder where they got that idea?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, we're still waiting, but they already got their kid because they went through a surrogate." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Which is all they talk about." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you gonna keep doing that?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I have to go show a house. But first, what was Elton John's sexual orientation in the '70s?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Bye." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You've done that one before." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And it never gets old, like the good Captain Fantastic himself. Hey, Claire, guess what?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry, honey, I can't talk right now. I told Bethenny I would take her to the airport. I'm late, and she's gonna miss her flight. Where are my keys? Why is that chair still here? I thought you and Luke were gonna put it out on the sidewalk." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So you can't talk unless it's about my chores?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why don't you just do it now, and you won't be so bored?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You heard that? Claire : I hear everything. Luke : That's for me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Leon. Nice buzz cut." }, { "from": "Leon", "value": "Yeah, for some people, the shampoo doesn't work. It only makes the lice angry." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nice to see you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no. No... oh, God. Um, Alex, do not move. Haley, clean this up, okay?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Who fills a vase with marbles?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who doesn't see a vase filled with marbles? Alex : Who wants to hear a bunch of plates crashing? Phil! Honey, the girls need you in the kitchen!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Thanks for the hat, Leon. It kind of tickles." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" }, { "from": "Leon", "value": "How much electricity do we need to bring this back?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's not rocket science. We're only reanimating a squirrel." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil! Now!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sounds great. No, hang on. Gloria, where's Manny? Some neighborhood kids have invited him to play football." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He said he was taking his morning constitutional." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "He's working on his go-cart, but he'll be there. Okay. See you then." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Manny cannot go and play with those boys. Margo is trying to get us theater tickets for this afternoon." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, you and Manny do enough together. Let's let him decide. Where's he walking?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know. But according to the song he was singing, he was going to the sunny side of the street." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I cannot express to you enough how bad this kid needs football." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom! Look what I found! Number 99!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "When Manny was 5, we didn't have much. We were on our own. So we always dreamed of winning the lottery." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "We figured if we collected 100 lucky heads-up pennies and bought a ticket with them, we couldn't lose." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But now I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful home... I feel like I already won the lottery." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So I can keep whatever we win?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I think no. I found most of them." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can you put this in the jar with the others?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Sí. Ay. I forgot. What is the combination to your safe?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'll just come with you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, yes, 'cause that's how this arrangement works... I take money from you! Hello? Oh, hi, Margo. No, she just ran upstairs. Listen, about these" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Jay, could you steep my tea?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I cannot express to you enough how much this kid needs football." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "And that is the whole house... Again." }, { "from": "Steven", "value": "I love it, but I just don't love it. Do you love it?" }, { "from": "Stefan", "value": "I love it. I absolutely love it. I'm just not sure if I'm in love with it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not sure if I mentioned it before, but the house does come with a hookup for a European washing machine." }, { "from": "Stefan", "value": "Oh, I love that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, so sorry. It's the boss. Hey." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi. I'm on my way home. I've been calling Haley, but nobody's answering. Is everything okay there?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Everything here is great." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, thank God. Did you put the chair out front?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Not yet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you're gonna miss the trash pickup." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't worry. If they don't take it, someone else will." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Who is gonna pick up that ratty chair off our lawn?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you kidding? It's in great shape. Super cozy. People are always commenting on it. Trust me, it'll be gone by the end of the day." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Please, just do it now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can't. I'm so sorry. When I'm done with these clients, I'll call Luke and Leon. I know I can talk them into it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Steven", "value": "We are not losing this house to Luke and Leon." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What do you mean, \"call Luke and Leon\"? Aren't you at home?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I left right before you did." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, the house... the... the kids... Oh, God, the squirrel." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Steven & Stefan", "value": "We'll take it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So how great is your life right now, huh? A new house, a new baby, Stefan's Propecia's kicking in." }, { "from": "Steven", "value": "Ooh. That's him. He's on his way. He texted \"OMW.\" We try to keep our texts short when we're driving with the baby." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, what wonderful parents you are." }, { "from": "Steven", "value": "You guys hate us a little bit, don't you?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. God, no." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just a little." }, { "from": "Steven", "value": "Have you thought about surrogacy? At least you'd be making a baby instead of waiting around for some pregnant mom to maybe pick you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, we considered it, but how do you decide which one will... Where's Lily?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sleeping." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ice the cupcake." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That you couldn't say in front of Lily?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, then, she'd want a cupcake." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, well..." }, { "from": "Steven", "value": "But that's the beauty of the swirl." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The swirl?" }, { "from": "Steven", "value": "You both donate, they mix it up, fertilize the egg. You never know who the father is. Ooh. That's Stefan." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, maybe we should think about this swirl." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I-I didn't think surrogacy was for us. But, you know, 'cause one of us would feel left out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, but if you don't know whose it is..." }, { "from": "Stefan", "value": "Sorry we're late. Guys, meet Roco." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Roco or cocoa?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look at him out there." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, ay. This is so exciting." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go ahead! Attaboy! Go! Go ahead! Attaboy!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Go, Manny! Run!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Go! Go! What the hell's he doing?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Run, Manny! Run!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Mom! Number 100! Now we have the lucky... Oh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, thank God. Nobody's dead." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Or... we're all dead." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How many plates did we lose?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "None. Luke and Haley used cookie sheets to clear a path through the marbles for me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Where are the marbles?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Right here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Haley!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I put glue on them so it doesn't happen again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What about the chair?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Leon and I rolled it outside on some skateboards." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. The squirrel?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You think I was going to let that happen?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "There you go, buddy." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Thank you. Uh..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? You need anything? I'll get it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Steak sauce, but it's okay. It's probably good for me to move around." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, Jay, it's so nice to see you take care of him like that." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why are you surprised? He's our kid. We take care of each other in this family." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I want to kill you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wild guess... Margo? Let me explain." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "There is no excuse." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "This is something private. I'm gonna get outta here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So that's why you were being so nice. You lied to my friend... You made Manny play the American football... It is your fault that he got estampeded." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Or is it your fault? He stopped to pick up a penny, for God's sake." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Be careful what you say, Jay. You're skating on thin eggshells right now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I tried to get him out there with kids his own age... Which is what he should be doing... And not spending another afternoon with his mommy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If you have a problem with the way Manny's being raised, you talk to me!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I am." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't wanna hear it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Phil, you really didn't have to do this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I sold a house today because of you two. The least I can do is buy you dinner." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I saw that house. It is gorgeous." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, we're real happy for them." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They showed me a picture of the baby. How adorable is that little guy?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, we're real happy for them." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you might wanna slow down there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What? I'm playing a new drinking game. It's called \"every time I'm depressed, I take a drink.\"" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That game exists. It's called alcoholism." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. I'm... I'm wallowing, and it's not cute. To happier things." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "To happier things. Claire : Happier things, yes. Phil : There you go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I wanna do something I never do... brag about my kids. Today, they were resourceful, they were responsible, they..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Put 40% down. It was worth showing the house five times and waiting..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Almost a year. Seriously! Who do you have to..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Blow. That's really hot. Why don't you let it cool down? Try some of the..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mexican! The baby is clearly Mexican!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So, you know, the swirl is out." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ugh. It's enough to make you lose..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Track. Is this my fourth drink? It's my fourth. I said \"four\" twice, didn't I? I did, didn't I?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I think we're gonna need four cabs..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Two! Two!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You made me!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": ": If we ever did surrogacy, I would want you to be the donor." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mnh-mnh!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're so smart, you're so handsome." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, stop it! It should be you! You're so fun! You're so talented!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. It's not fair. I love you both so much. If you could have a baby that was a mix of the two of you, I would love that baby so much." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aw, that is so sweet." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I meant it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That is so sweet. Oh, my God. You guys, we could do this. We could do this. We could make a baby that is half Tucker and half Pritchett." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Cloning?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No. I'm saying... I give the egg." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. I give the egg. That's the Pritchett side. And then, Cam, you're the father, right? And then we just, like, mix it and put it in a, like, a surrogate lady thing, and then bang! We have a baby." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Are... are you serious?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You would do that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I would be honored. You guys, you guys, if there's one thing I have learned today, it's the pleasure of looking at your children, and seeing both... both of you in there. And I want you to have that experience. Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We want that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And something else... Guys, I make really good babies." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have, like, magic eggs or something." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "They're golden." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, gosh. Oh, Phil, I don't... what do... what do you say about this?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think we're all having a baby! Aah! Table hug!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweet potato fries! Claire : What have I done? Phil : I know." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "What was I thinking? I-I-I just get drunk and I bring a baby into the world?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That would be 4 for 4." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't go through with it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't panic. You haven't donated anything yet. Besides, what are the chances your eggs even work? What are the chances we can pretend I never said that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's weird. It's my brother. And then there would be this baby over there that's my baby, but it's not my baby..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That actually sounds good. Just say that. We're gonna see him for brunch in two hours over at your dad's." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ooh. That seems... soon and... and hard. What if... what if I blame it on you? What if we say that you're not okay with it?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why? Are you really okay with another man fertilizing your wife's egg?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of course not! That's creepy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Plus, what if you and Cam make a better baby than we did?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's settled. Phil says \"no.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Like they're really gonna believe that I overruled you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. They're gonna be crushed. They've waited so long for this baby." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Maybe they're having second thoughts, too." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look... this is what my baby with Claire would look like." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What is this? What..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, well, I found a web site where couples can upload pictures... And then it shows them what their baby would look like. This is... Gloria and" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wow. That... that looks exactly like Manny. Like... like weirdly so. What... what's this other picture?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't be jealous. But this... Is me and Justin Timberlake." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, we have a problem." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, what? You can talk about Ryan Gosling all day, but the moment I say something--" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, no, about this baby. I... I don't think I can do it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What--why? Why--it's perfect! It's our chance to have a baby that's part me, part you!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no! It's part you and part Claire. I'm nowhere in there. And it's not like I can pretend. It's... she's not some egg donor that we don't know. It's Claire. You know, we see her all the time. And what are we supposed to tell the baby? \"Say hi to your aunt mommy!\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Adorable." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, not adorable. Appalachian. Okay, I'm... I'm sorry, Cam." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Best time ever in this house!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm uncomfortable with this, Phil. The manual specifically says \"no towing.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There are two types of people in this world... people who follow the manual, and people who stick it to the manual. You... are hurt." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Manny, what happened?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Football injury. My mom will yell you all about it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Lily! Does my little princess want a cookie?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, you know, maybe just one. She's already had her sugar limit for today." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How can you tell?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Aah!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! Okay, Lily." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, you two." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So where... oh, where are the kids? Claire : Oh, Haley's driving them over separately. Mitchell : Oh. Oh! Big girl now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's great." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So that was... so fun last night." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So fun." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, we had a great night." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We should... Jinx!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, we're going this way, so..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This should do for 30." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We'll see you in a bit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "So you're gonna have Cam's baby just to keep things from being weird?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": ": Um, what? You and Uncle Cam are having a baby? Phil : Kids, shh. There was a discussion about the possibility... CLaire : Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Of your mom donating an egg... so that the guys could have a baby." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But we decided it was not a good idea." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why? Because Lily's such a mess?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "For a lot of reasons. They have..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "But we can agree that she's a disastrous human being?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I think it's a great idea." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah. It's a really beautiful offer, mom. I'm impressed." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God. Cam, they told the kids already, and they seem to be totally into it. All right, is it just me? Am I the only one that thinks this is weird?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe it's not weird. Maybe we're pioneers." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm, no we're hardly pioneers. You have three different hair dryers for different types of weather." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe it's just gonna take some time to get used to the idea." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What idea?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. No. Cameron : Um, well, Jay... Mitchell : Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Claire has..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. I-I-I just don't think my dad's really ready for this conversation. So..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, stop acting like I'm some stodgy old coot. I've grown." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Um, Jay, Claire has, um, offered to give us one of her eggs so we can have a baby that's half Pritchett, half Tucker." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's unnatural. I'm against it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, surprise, surprise. Jay is against something." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Cam and Claire wanna have a baby together." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ugh! You're not gonna do that. Mitchell : It's not your decision, dad. Jay : You're not thinking straight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And you're not in charge. Okay, Claire and I are adults. If... if we want this to happen, it... it's gonna happen." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So much for second thoughts." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Young lady, I need to have a talk with you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't... now?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. You don't get to tell everyone how to live their lives, that boys cannot spend time with their mommies or that brothers and sisters can't make babies." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So you're all for this?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. It's a freak show, but it's their freak show." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So this is happening again?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, I'm not gonna not do it 'cause my dad thinks I shouldn't." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I'm not following." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're not doing it 'cause I don't want to do it. What we're not doing is not doing it 'cause he doesn't want us to do it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just say baby or no baby." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Isn't it enough this family spends a lot of time together? Now we have to inbreed." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, dad, it's not technically inbreeding. It's, um..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "For the record, I think what my mom is doing is very brave. Haley : I like it. I've always kind of wanted a half-brother, half-cousin. Jay : Really? \"Always\"?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, I mean, if you think about it..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, wow. When was the last time we talked under a table?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad and Gloria's wedding reception." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah. Um, mm... I love you. You know that... But I can't do this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, neither can I!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you serious? You can't... oh, God. I'm so relieved. I'm sorry. I-I-I... ugh. I am so sorry I led us down this road." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. No, Claire, don't be. Don't be. It was... it was generous and thoughtful, just like you. How could I not want those qualities in my child?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh. Oh, come here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So this is really happening?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What if it is, dad?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. What if we love each other, and this is a beautiful thing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, it's our decision. It's not yours." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So baby? No baby?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm, I know it's been hard on you. Hey, what if we went out for a nice dinner tonight?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that'd be fun. Should I call the sitter?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Oh, you know what I was thinking today? What about Luke?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, he's so good with her, the way he looks at her..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "My God, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameorn", "value": "Oh, look, she's organizing her things." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Look at how she's dressed." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! We didn't make her, but she sure is us." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Lily, honey, it might make more sense with the shoes..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Because... I like what she did with the dolls..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Play as you will. Play as you will." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's nice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "The big one, remember? One of the first ones we found. It was at the bottom of the gutter in the street." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, yes. We put the gum at the bottom of your walking stick. Ay, look at this one... the green one, the one we found at the floor of my taxi." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your taxi?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes. Before I had somebody running my life for me, I used to drive a taxi at night. Manny would sleep in the seat next to me. One time, I had to hit the brakes so hard that he fell into the floor and he found the penny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Pretty lucky, huh? Eight years. I can't believe we're finally done." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Me, either. Come. Let's go get your lottery ticket." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hmm?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think you made a mistake here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What did I do now?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I counted these, and you've only got 96 pennies." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Are you sure?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Afraid so. I guess you're gonna have to keep lookin'." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Dang it! I counted those." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "See for yourself." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And now we upload your picture." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This is fun. This is fun." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. And in just a few short moments, thanks to the magic of technology... We'll know what our baby actually looks..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh! No!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What happened? What is that?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Did you put one of us in upside-down?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No! That's actually... Okay, I-I don't want to see this anymore. Ohh. Turn it off." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it's not turning off." } ] }, { "id": "episode_15_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, throw something over it! That... oh, God!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, well, we played God, and look what we brought forth." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Daddies, what are you looking at? Aah!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Maybe it wasn't that bad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no, it's possible that we overreacted." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Maybe our expectations were just a little bit too high. That little guy had some cute features. Huh?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Of course he did. It's us. It can't be that bad. Yeah. Let's just take..." }, { "from": "All", "value": "Ahhh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ooh! Individual frittatas! What a treat. You're a lucky man, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm always saying, I'm..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sorry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You left the milk out again." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Mmm." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I may have to take one of these little guys home. Claire, did you ever find that tupperware I lent you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, for the hundredth time, I gave it back to you, remember?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I remember you telling me a hundred times, yet my pea soup is in baggies." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Did you check your car? In the..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Trunk." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Because that's where you found that thing that you thought that you gave me long time ago, the... the..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Pizza cutter. Good, give me another one." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, I was wrong that time. I..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's a piece of plastic. You're ruining brunch." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't sweat it, Cam. I forget things all the time. Like I can never remember the name of that weather guy that I liked. Uh... Thunder something. Stormy... Flash stormy? Ah, whatever the hell it is. I don't know." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm, just eat your eggs, Jay. Lily : Yeah, just eat your eggs, Jay. Jay : Oh, ho ho ho!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Grandpa got told!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Look at them. They all think Lily's so great." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "The novelty will wear off." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "We used to be the cute ones. Now she gets all the attention. We need to take her down." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And I should remember his name, too, because your mom and I got in a big fight over him. She was using the convertible, and I told her, \"put the top up because it's supposed to rain tonight, according to...\" P-p-p-partly Mccloudy? Whatever the hell his name is. Anyway... She didn't. Ruined the car." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, not to be the one that always come to mom's defense... What? It was 20 years ago. What, you think he's gonna ground you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It was you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Yes, I left the top down, and I let mom take the fall." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And then they got divorced." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "12 years later." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm just saying." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ugh. You're ruining brunch." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Relax. It was years ago. There's a statute of limitation on this stuff." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "In that case, I should probably let you know I let the top down to let out the cigarette smoke. Not... not mine. Not mine. My... my bad friend Eleanor." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Eleanor being her boyfriend Allen." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Statute of limitations." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, relax, it's okay. Remember when I told you that I couldn't get to your figure skating semifinal because I was stuck at work?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, by \"stuck\" I meant \"drunk,\" and by \"work\" I meant \"the golf course.\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. Dad!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no. I got one. I got one. Remember that time we went golfing together, and you got a hole-in-one?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You never got a hole-in-one. I got bored and I kicked it in the hole." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is fun. Here's a corker. They didn't used to label babies as carefully in hospitals, so for two days..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not now, Phil. What do you mean, you... you kicked the ball in the hole? What, was it, like, on the edge?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, it was on the edge of that, uh... What? That... that sandy thing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gee, it's sure gonna be fun to face my friends today." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you don't have to tell them." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "They call me \"ace,\" Mitch. I haven't paid for a lemonade down there in 20 years." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're mad at me? Mm." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Great, daddy. You ruined brunch." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You did!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "This ends today." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "A little help here?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You can't expect me to focus when Miranda Cornell lives right down your street. She's like a dream wrapped in a wish poured into jeggings." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, yeah, that's nice and all, but we got a trap to set." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Are you sure this is going to work?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Trust me. We'll use these cookies as bait. Lily's crazy for them." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Asian metabolism." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "When she grabs them with her grubby little hands, off goes the trap. Boom... Big puddle of milk. She'll get in so much trouble. My mom hates messes." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm familiar with Claire." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Lock... and loaded. Mmm! These cookies are so good... And so easy to reach. Lily!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Ohh!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What happened? Are you okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! That milk... fell, and I must have slipped in it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Did I leave that out again? I'm so sorry!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! My back! Ooh! My back!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Can I give you a Swedish massage, accent optional?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Oh, no, I just need to lie down." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on. Let's just get you over to the sofa." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Do you think it would be offensive if I asked our daughter to walk on my back?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'd say so. I just offered to give you a massage." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Oh, no! You broke Beatrice. Now she can't feed the dolphins." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What is she talking about?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it's a \"My sweet companion\" doll. They all have these elaborate backstories. Beatrice works with blind dolphins and models." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "There are blind models? That's so sad. They cannot see how pretty they are." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Hold on. Here we go. Give me some. Give me some. Give me some. Oh! Let me buy Lily a new doll. It's my fault Cam fell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no need. Uh, the My sweet companion store actually has a hospital with an on-call doctor." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I can go. I'm taking the girls to the mall anyway." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that'd be great. Yeah. And don't worry. She has medical insurance." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, and I think we've met our deductible for the year, so you should be good." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you know what a doll is in my village? An apple on a fork." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "I never really got dolls. Does that make me weird? Haley ; It's on the list." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're not weird." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You just kind of skipped the little girl stage. And jumped to the \"I dare you to ring her doorbell\" stage." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "The only stage you're ever going to jump on has a pole on it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, at least I have the body..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay! Okay! We're gonna have to settle this dispute in court... the food court. The honorable Judge Cinnabon presiding." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "The food court? That place smells like the inside of Luke's bicycle helmet." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I like the food court." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Me, too." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't worry, girls. We're not gonna deprive ourselves just 'cause of Haley's aversion to food..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh. Oh, Haley's \"aversion.\" I thought you said... Never mind." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, so after you have turned on the monitor and selected your input, you can change the channel with this guy. But if you need to change the volume..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what? I think I'm fine. Why don't you just go ahead?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know this sounds really confusing, but there's actually a very simple way to remember it. Input 1 is the cable box cable box, ca..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think I'm just gonna take a nap." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. I'm going to yoga." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay! That sounds like so much fun." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, you should go with her, Gloria!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, we should definitely do that sometime. I would love it. Bye!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you see how she gives me the cold shoulders? I don't even know why I try. Ay. Sorry." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, that's just Claire, you know? She's a Pritchett. You gotta break through those walls. The sooner the better." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You really think so?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Why don't you go? Now. Forge that friendship!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, I go. I have my gym bag in the car. Feel better!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, thank you! I'm just gonna lie here... Some ice on my back!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, hey! I thought you were going to the pharmacy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I forgot my phone. Oh. I think I'm just upset about this stupid thing with my dad." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, sweetie, I'd love to hear about it when you come back with my heating pad from the pharmacy, because I hurt my back, remember?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I mean, did he overreact or what? It's just a game, right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, unless there's something more to it. Maybe you should go talk to him." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Oh, I should have just kept my mouth shut. I mean, it was such a great day. After he thought he got that hole-in-one, he took us out to dinner. He bought me my first beer." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, there you go. He's probably hurt because you marred a very special father-son experience." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You think?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ya marred it. But you can fix it. He's down at the club right now. Un-mar that memory!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what? I'm gonna do it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ow." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sorry. Don't worry. I'll be back soon." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay! I'll miss you! Call first." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "What were you thinking saying that in front of him?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm sorry. It slipped out. Besides, I figured he knew." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom knows. Only because she dragged it out of Dylan. And she promised not to tell dad until I left for college, which means he might have never found out." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Stop panicking. We don't even know for sure he heard what I said." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Surprise!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Gloria. My God." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I came to do yoga with you. Claire : I wasn't expecting to see you here. Gloria : Yeah, that's why I say \"surprise!\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah. This is awful, because I was just thinking I might have to bail on yoga. I have the worst headache all of a sudden." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, but yoga is good for that, Claire. For the meditation, for the mmm..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, yeah. It's just right now I wanna go lie down in a dark room and breathe." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That sounds like yoga." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I... I realize that. Yes. But still, I-I... should go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Come on. I'm not gonna do the class by myself. Okay, so let's go and get massages. Or there's a nail salon there." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ooh, I would love to do that some other time, I really would. But right now I need to get home and lie down. You understand, right?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You go! And lie." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're better!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Barely. Barely, yeah. I was just getting something cold for my back." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Gravy? Well, if it can save your mom's turkey, it can save anything. I thought you were going to see your friend Miranda." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "This one chickened out. For someone who says he likes girls so much, he sure is afraid of them." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's a dance, Luke." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Chicken dance." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, since you're back, what if I give you 20 bucks, and you guys... Go wash my car?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Is that 20 bucks for each of us, or both of us?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Both." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "That's what I thought." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Stan", "value": "Uh-oh, check it out. Ace is drooling over his plaque again." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't smell you idiots come in. Listen, I've been thinking, maybe it's time we retire the name \"Ace.\"" }, { "from": "Miles", "value": "You mean the name you had printed on your golf cap?" }, { "from": "Stan", "value": "And his robe." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, guys, about that..." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Remember how mad he got when I yanked that cap off his head and put it on?" }, { "from": "Miles", "value": "You got to earn that!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, yeah, well, I'm just glad one of those cheap hair plugs didn't get caught in it." }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Hey, for the millionth time, they're not plugs." }, { "from": "Stan", "value": "So what, your hair just came back when you turned 50?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Unlike your wife." }, { "from": "Stan", "value": "Hey, that was a blessing. Otherwise, I wouldn't be taking out Natalie Hobbes tonight." }, { "from": "Miles", "value": "Taking her out or doing her taxes?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So you ladies ready to tee off or what?" }, { "from": "Frank", "value": "Yeah, just gotta settle up our tab." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I took care of it." }, { "from": "Miles", "value": "You said you were going to the restroom. Stan : Ah! Can't trust a word out of this guy's mouth. Frank : 20 years we've been falling for this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I-I'm sorry to interrupt, but my dad never lied to you guys." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitchell..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, he didn't even know until today that he never made the hole-in- one." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But the fact that he couldn't live with himself when he found out, and he raced down here to confess to you, that just shows the kind of man he is. He is a hole-in-one kind of man." }, { "from": "Stan", "value": "You never got a hole-in-one?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I didn't tell them." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So this is the gang. Introduce me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ahh. Score!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's not like me and Miranda are perfectly suited. For one thing, she likes bad boys. That's just not me." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm gonna turn on some music." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm sorry. I can't unlearn how to treat a lady. But where does that leave me? Waiting till I'm 40 when she looks me up on Facebook after a failed first marriage?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm sick of hearing you whine about Miranda! It's time to make her notice you!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "But we can't!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "We got a full tank of gas, and she's right down the block. Now buckle up!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Are you crazy?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You tell me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Lily, what is this? Don't you rather have a chemistry set or flash cards?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "She's pretty." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No. No, she's dirty. Look. Look at the dirt. Let me wipe her off. Fix that. One of her breeds is coming loose. Come here. Fix that right up." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dr Goodall", "value": "So I've completed the examination, she did really well." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's the prognosis?" }, { "from": "Dr Goodall", "value": "We can fix most of her arm, but she'll never regain full mobility in her shoulder joint, because they don't make that part anymore." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, that's pretty good, right? I mean, she'll look exactly the same. No one will know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll know. I'm just saying I liked her the way she was. She was such a sweet little doll. I'm sorry, doctor. I'm having trouble adjusting to all this." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, dad, she's still a sweet little doll." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, she's broken." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, she's just changed a little. It happens. Dolls grow up. Dr Goodall : Well, actually..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, could you..." }, { "from": "Dr Goodall", "value": "Yeah. Sure. I actually have to go give a little girl some pretty bad news." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So, Haley... The thing is..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "We should... We should probably get Beatrice, like, a-a cast or something, and we can all sign it. Yeah?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, yeah. Sure." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "This repair's probably gonna take a little while. Why don't you run up to the food court and grab us a table? I'll get Alex and Lily." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay. Do you want the counter or a booth?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whatever seems right to you. I trust you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay. Your turn." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Unh-unh! No way!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Do you wanna get her attention, or not?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "That was amazing! Did you see the look on Miranda's face?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No. But you did good, Thelma." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Please stop calling me that. I hate that movie." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What movie?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Uh-oh! Dead end!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You gotta make a u-ey." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know how to do that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She pretended to have a headache, Cam. She doesn't want to spend time with me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Maybe she just wanted to be alone." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because some people really value their privacy, and you have to respect that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I have to go. Hola, Claire!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Gloria, you've gotta stop doing that!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Were you going back to the yoga class without me?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, that is not why I came back." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't understand you. Why you don't want to spend time with me? Everybody wants to spend time with me! Even the lady that did my nails wants to take me to pilates." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I didn't come back here to do yoga. I don't do yoga. It's a cover, okay? Look... I know that from the outside, it seems like I have everything together." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, not really." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "My point is that my life can be very stressful. And I have found a way to cope with that stress. And it's my little secret. And I'm not proud of it." }, { "from": "Claire's friend", "value": "Hey, Claire. See you inside." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is that what you do?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No! Okay. You're coming with me. Come in. But listen to me. Gloria... It has to stay between us. This is my sacred space." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's just such a great release. Thank you for not judging me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why would I? If anything, it makes me like you more." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So how often do you come here?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not that often. No. Hey. Maybe a little often." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's so sad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I live with four teenagers. Gloria : You live with two adults. Claire : You have no idea..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, no. It's so sad that you come here so often and that's the best that you can shoot. And that's with pretty nails." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But improper stance. I..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Practice more." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Waiter", "value": "Here you go, Ace... I mean... what is your real name?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Jay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad, I..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I told you, forget about it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. I-I just want you to know I get why you're upset, okay? That... that day you got the hole-in-one, it meant a lot to you. And... I... I marred it. But it meant a lot to me, too. We had a steak dinner, you gave me my first beer, and, uh... It was one of the greatest days we ever spent together. And it wasn't about some meaningless hole-in-one, it was about us." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. It was about a hole-in-one." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Yes. A-a little bit, maybe. But mostly, it was about how we bonded." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I thought I hit a ball straight from the tee really, really far into a tiny hole." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Well, when will I learn?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And it wasn't your first beer, anyway." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, it was, dad, but I wouldn't expect you to remember." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It was your 14th birthday. You asked me for a sip of mine. Your mom yelled at you in front of all your friends, said you were just a baby. You ran outside in tears... Which, unfortunately, supported your mom's argument. Anyway, I came out with a couple of beers. We drank 'em on the porch watching the storm clouds coming in." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I had completely forgotten about that. You know, you're... you're unbelievable. Just when I peg you as some..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Storm Stevens! That's it! Give me something. I'm gonna write it right here. Before I forget. \"Storm Stevens.\" Stevens. What were we just talking about? Just now? No?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mnh-mnh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Come on, Lily. Let's see if Beatrice is ready." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey, dad? I know I'm way too old for this, but do you think I could get this doll? Her name's Genevieve, and she's developing a vaccine for..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_16_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, you can get the doll. You can get as many dolls as you want." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's $200." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Or one is fine." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know you're here. Hello." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I have a bad feeling about this. What if one of your neighbors saw us? Maybe we should just confess." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We will... In 20 years." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Huh?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You heard grandpa. There's a statute of limitations, which is a good thing because we still need to take Lily down." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Nah, let her be the cute one. We don't need that anymore. We're bad boys now." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah. I like that. Bad boys." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Your mom!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, my God. Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um, this had a lid?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'll see you guys later. I'm going to Abby's." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Bye, honey. Have fun." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Have fun, you! With Abby! We've confirmed Abby's a real person and a female?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, sweetie. We met her. Honey, we can't treat Haley differently just because we both know what we know about her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know. I just need time. So Dylan told you? Why didn't he tell me? He and I used to share everything." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're upset about a lot of things." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I won't obsess over it. I just wanna ask you one thing. How long have you known?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Three months." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So this giant thing happened to our first born, and you kept me in the dark about it for three whole months?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. I just wasn't sure how you'd... Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "3x17", "value": "Leap Day Phil : Come on, boys! It's leap day, not sleep day!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I love leap day!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's kind of a big deal in the Dunphy house. This year, we even got Manny involved." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're given this gift of 24 extra hours. You can't waste it at work or school. You have to do something extraordinary, something shocking." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. This year, the entire family is taking a trapeze class." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How extraordinary is that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It was my idea." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How shocking is that?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can be spontaneous every four years." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I can't wait." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Leap day is stupid." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're not understanding the logic behind it. A year is actually 365.25 days. Every four years, we gain one day. If we didn't adjust the calendar in, say, 40 years, February would almost be January." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's not my problem, and it's definitely not your problem." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look at this. The housekeeper turned another one of my whites pink. I can't wear this to a sports bar." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm, they're to going to be looking at you, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Somebody's feeling pretty good about herself." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They're going to be watching the match." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You meant you a little bit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, put it in there. All right, very quietly, we're gonna go to daddy's bedroom, open the door, and... Aah!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Happy Birthday to me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm 10!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "40!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was born February 29th, and there have been ten of those... In my lifetime, therefore I'm 10! It's fun." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's so much fun. Anyway, I-I've spent the last four years trying to figure to what kind of party to throw this one." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, honey, you know I'd be fine with just a nice casual evening at home with you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Don't... don't even. No. No! That's what he said last time." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, birthday boy, what's it gonna be... rom com or horror? Or we can do both and watch \"maid in Manhattan.\" Whatcha doing?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Canceling our baby." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, love to dad. Bye! Mwah! Lily : Daddy, what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, daddy, what are you doing? Snooping for hints about your birthday? Wow." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, I... come on. No, I'm just excited, and I wanna be helpful. I know party planning isn't your thing." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Wow." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Y-you need to trust me, cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know, and I do. It's not like you're gonna do anything tired, like appletinis or ice sculptures. Or synthetic napkins or anything mylar." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, that's enough! I've been paying for your last party for four years. And I find it a little insulting that you don't think I can pull this off." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know what? I trust you. I'm letting go." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay? You know orange is over, right?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's a simple party. I can do it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Simple. Perfect." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "So is this safe?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's a trapeze." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Relax. More people are killed by knife-wielding strangers than from trapezing." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm thinking about going home now." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, are you okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm fine. I'm watching... It's so sad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no. Not today." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What's wrong?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nothing. No, your mom's just, uh... Feeling emotional." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "She was like this last month and the month before and the month before." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Dear God, no." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "This isn't milk. What's wrong with me today? My brain's not working right." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can't focus... Three legs?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "It's not fair." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know. Oh, no! It's sad." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, my God. They're gonna ruin everything." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. We... we just need to be extra sensitive." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, honey, when do we need to leave?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whenever's good for you, sweetie. Maybe 20 minutes?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "20 minutes?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Then which one is it, Phil?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Is it whenever it's good for me or is it 20 minutes?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Whenever you're ready!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "They're gonna ruin trapezing. I bet they don't even catch me." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Why are you so afraid of them? They're reasonable. Why don't we just suggest they stay home, considering they're all on their menst..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Shh! The first rule of dealing with the cycle... you never mention the cycle. You tiptoe around it. The woman's actually taken great pains to hide the monster she's become. But if you acknowledge it, that brings the monster forth." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "My God. And there's three of them." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's okay. I have a plan. It's kind of traditional for people to lean in when somebody says, \"I have a plan.\" Okay..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jorgen", "value": "Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Ooh! No!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Si! Si! Si! Si! Goal! Goal! You should call your country \"the never- lands\" because you're never..." }, { "from": "Jorgen", "value": "Ja, because we are never going to win. You said that a billion times. Just go home." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why don't you Dutch people go home?" }, { "from": "Jorgen", "value": "Someone should shut your Colombian mouth!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay, I wanna see you try!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Uh, is there a problem over here?" }, { "from": "Jorgen", "value": "Yes. There is a problem, and you're married to her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really? Well, let me make a suggestion. Why don't you sit down, I send you over a beer, my wife and I watch from over there? That way, everybody enjoys the game... except me, 'cause I prefer a game where something happens. Gloria, let's go. Let's go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I thought you were going to punch that guy back there." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, I got 60 pounds on the kid." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah. It's just that I've heard so many stories about you fighting." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "And... it's not worth the trouble." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, and he has all those friends and..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, his friends had nothing to do with it. I mean, sometimes it's better to take the high road." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, it's better that you walked away." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, I get... I get the impression you're disappointed I didn't punch that guy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course not. Who needs all that manly, protect-your-woman stuff?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, see, like, right there. You're saying one thing, but it feels like you mean the opposite." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's a \"yes.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Look, Jay, I just came to watch the game. I don't want to fight." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Neither do I." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Party planner", "value": "So in keeping with the film, this area will be in black and white, and then an explosion of technicolor. Best part... as the guests are coming in... Auntie em! Auntie em! A simulated tornado." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Oh, he's gonna love that." }, { "from": "Party planner", "value": "So the appletinis are canceled... Yes. The little Toto dog is ordered, and... Please tell me that you are not mixing punch in costume!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, no! W-what is Cam doing home?" }, { "from": "Monkey men", "value": "Hey. We're the monkeys." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, hi. Hi. Come on inside. Quickly, quickly. Hi. Okay, one second." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey! Whatcha doing home? Are you checking on me and the party again?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, no. I left my cell phone in your car and I gotta be in touch with mama today. She's talking to the insurance agency for the first time to see if they're gonna rebuild grandpa's farm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Rebuild the... Because of the tornado." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, you know, it's been a month, and she hasn't heard anything, and she's just beside herself. And then you know what else? Lily succumbed to her injuries." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Your aunt Lily died?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, the family pig." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Aunt Lily was a... We named our daughter after a pig?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Could you just witness my pain instead of criticizing? I just want to be in touch with my family today, get all this tornado stuff behind me so I can enjoy... the fabulous party you're planning for me!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah! You gotta get outta here! Okay. Hey, listen. Hey, Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You just call your family, tell them I said \"hi.\" And don't worry about being back at 6:00 on the dot. There's a little breathing room." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, what, are you kidding me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mnh-mnh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The sooner I can start to party, the sooner I can start to forget." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But then again, hey, if you keep running from every reminder of the tornado, doesn't the tornado win?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, my grandpa runs to his pickup truck every morning because he thinks the pitchfork is gonna come back down. The tornado always wins." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, well, it's gonna be so much fun tonight!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know! The big 1-0!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "4-0!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, Mitchell!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm over here! But you didn't!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I could've hit you!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm doing my \"I love ya\" dance. Okay, I'm doing my \"I love you\" car dance." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look at you! Mitchell : I do the best moves! Cameron : Stop that!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay! Go! I got... this is dangerous. Okay, okay. Go. Get out of here, you. Out!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's my birthday!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, guys, come here. We need to talk." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "There they are. Haley : Stop rushing us! Phil : Buddy, what's wrong?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yes, you've been a little off all morning." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I've been feeling a lot of stress lately. My head's all foggy, and I'm kind of emotional." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Well, I sure hope you feel better soon 'cause you really need your wits about you when you're trapezing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is weird because the three of us haven't exactly been feeling our best today either." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I can't find my other sock!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Try looking under the one you have one." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I am not you. I don't do that. See? Oh, God, I am you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Would you mind if we sat out trapezing?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you sure? Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right, you and Manny go ahead. Luke can just stay here with us." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Wait. What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke's actually looking better." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I am better." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, let's not take any chances. He can stay here. You go ahead." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad? Phil : Um, I... Luke : Daddy?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "See you later, buddy." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What are we going to do?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We leave no man behind." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I think I'm just gonna go home." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Scarecrow", "value": "We have time. Just take down the decorations and have a normal party." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, and throw a boring party in our house that looks like I just threw it together this afternoon? Think!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Party planner", "value": "Okay, we have a few options. I can get you the back room at Amelia's." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Spilled juice on the owner's white rug and almost killed her toddler. Next." }, { "from": "Micky", "value": "Bowling alley?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Not classy enough. What have you got?" }, { "from": "Scarecrow", "value": "Uh..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're no help. You." }, { "from": "Davy", "value": "Well, last weekend, I did a party on a boat. Micky : You said you were visiting your parents. Davy : Shh! You're suffocating me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What's this boat? Tell me about the boat." }, { "from": "Party planner", "value": "Okay, we did an elegant dinner party on a luxury yacht for about 25 people. It takes you around the harbor, dancing under the moonlight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, okay. Uh, maybe we can... we can make a theme out of this. You know, Cam's life is like a long voyage. Sometimes choppy but... but always forward, ever forward." }, { "from": "Party planner", "value": "We have two hours." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Book it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, you survived trapeze class, huh?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Didn't happen, and common decency prevents me from telling you why. How was the soccer match?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thrilling. 1-1 tie. One of the goals was an accident." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm sure my mom was happy you went." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't know what to make of her today. She got into it with this guy, and I swear she was pushing me into a fight with him. Now is that something she'd want?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know. I always thought of women as the more evolved sex. But after today... I've seen things, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "'Cause, you know, I had my share of fights in my time. You know that. Mmm! Mm. Mm. It's too warm for me. Yeah, I remember this time I was" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, we've heard all those stories. Maybe my mom wouldn't mind a glimpse of that Jay. That's her. She wants me to help pick out Cam's gift." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm still that guy, you know. 100%. What the hell? How do you cut your finger on a cracker? Anyway, if I thought there was a fight worth fighting, I'd fight it. Ow! Now I got salt in this. That stings!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Next time, don't scream at your boss so that he doesn't make you work during the weekends. And you can come to see your son! Si. Adios." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, mom. Who were you yelling at?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Your father, baby. He cannot make it this weekend." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I got a bottle of fake blood out of the Halloween supplies. Put a dab on your finger, say you cut it. I say I need to run you by the doctor. Easy trapezy. Got it?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "See ya on the other side, brother." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You feeling any better?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mnh-mnh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hate to see the whole team on the D.L." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ow! My finger!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't like the sound of that. I said a little bit! Luke : The cap fell off. I decided to just go with it. Phil : Okay, we gotta get you out the back." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "God, what happened?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, it's just a little cut. But to be safe, I'll run him by the doctor." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, are you crazy?! Call 9-1-1!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no, they're so busy." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Where's the wound?! We need to put pressure on it, right?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I'm gonna be sick!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "My... my finger." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, he needs a tourniquet! Where do I put it?!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "On my finger." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Stop! There is nothing wrong with h.. Luke, what's going on?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I cut my finger? Dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "How crazy is that? They were in my pocket the whole time. I'll see you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is going on, Luke?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad staged the whole thing so we could go on the trapeze without you three." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Because... B-because... Because of this! You're all monster-ating!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, no!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Are you kidding me?!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my lord." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sorry! I know you told me not to say it, but I..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil! Is this what you've been teaching our son? That... that women are some kind of unclean lepers that should be hidden away under sheets for a week? Do you have any idea how offensive that is?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I do, honey. And from the bottom of my heart, I am so... S-s-scared." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ugh!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. 3, 2, 1! Everybody : Surprise!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my gosh! Oh, it's amazing!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, it's a boat party." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Because?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Your life is like a voyage." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Well, everyone's is, but I love it because none of our other friends have ever done it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aw. That's so sweet." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, it must be easy with no dirty, broken woman in the relationship." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What are you laughing at?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, everybody follow the birthday flag!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What'd you call me? Oh. Uh, oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. It's so elegant. I'll bet Pepper is dying." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, you know, actually, Pepper couldn't come because he hates boats. You know, after the Navy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess longinus got over his fear of... of water?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. Why don't we just focus on the 30 people who are here, having a great time!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ew! It smells like somebody's dead." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Ugh! What is that smell?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That faint odor is... is a tiny, tiny blue whale who apparently has indeed died, uh, nearby. But..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Si, but it's getting all over my coat." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't smell anything. Maybe that's because you smell like a bouquet of flowers." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, yeah. Watch out for that." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Ugh! It smells like puke married poop and had the ceremony in my nose." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You paint with words." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, don't worry, everybody. Soon we'll be way, way out at sea, bouncing on the waves with all of his sweet-smelling brothers and sisters. Okay?" }, { "from": "Captain", "value": "Mitchell Pritchett?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yes. Hi." }, { "from": "Captain", "value": "Hi. I'm your captain tonight. We've got a problem. I can't fit this many people on my boat." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. I was... I was told you could take 30. I have exactly 30 guests." }, { "from": "Captain", "value": "Plus six in help. You gotta drop a few people." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Come on. There... there must be something that we can do here." }, { "from": "Captain", "value": "Well, we have bigger boats, but this is the best I could do on two hours' notice." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": ": Please, um... What is the problem?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Apparently, Mitchell started planning my birthday party two hours ago." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mnh-mnh. No. No, I-I did not. Uh, apparently, we have too many people for his boat. So..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "That's crazy. I've seen more people clinging to a floating door. Captain : I'm sorry, lady. It's a safety issue." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, no. You're going to have a safety issue if you don't take me away from this whale." }, { "from": "Captain", "value": "Okay, little too much finger, little too much attitude." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's all this?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Uh, two hours of Mitchell's hard work going down the drain." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Captain", "value": "Look, I can't fit more than 30 people on the boat, as I was just explaining to the lady here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, first of all, that \"lady\" is my son." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He wasn't talking about me. Captain : I was talking about her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh. Her. Oh, it's \"her\" now. Well, \"her\" happens to be my wife. You got a problem with her, you got a problem with me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, Jay..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Calm down." }, { "from": "Captain", "value": "I didn't have a problem before, but now I'm starting to." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, your problem's about to get a lot bigger." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Jay, I know you think this is what I want, but it's not." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I've got this, Gloria." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, Jay. I was just being stupid today. I like that you're calm, that you think first, and you act second. I need that in my life." }, { "from": "Captain", "value": "Yeah, so walk away, grandpa. Jay ; You know what?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Nobody call him \"grandpa\"!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I do." }, { "from": "Captain", "value": "Okay, that's it! No boat! Everybody off my dock, or I'm calling the cops!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wait, w-wait. So no party now?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No! No, of course! Just... Just... just give me a minute okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, we, after what you did with two hours, I can't wait to see what you do with a minute." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Poor Cam. He seems so upset." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, is that hard for you, Phil, that he's have a feeling around you?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm so sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Too many emotions?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, okay, I give up! Yeah, I made a mistake today. But only because the three of you ganged up on me like when the wolfman, Dracula, and frankenstein show up in the same movie, except this wasn't awesome! I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day today. I'm afraid. I'm mad. I'm mad because I'm afraid, and now I can't even think straight because I'm in so much pain from what just happened over there! And the whole thing makes me so sad, and I'm not even sure why, and I'm nauseous from that smell but I'm so hungry." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, the... the boat wasn't even part of the plan." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, it's fine. It's my fault for letting my expectations get too high. I'll get over this one, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, no. I had this whole \"Wizard of Oz\" party planned, only today I realized that it might be a-a little too tornado-y." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Today?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes! I'm sorry I-I didn't make the connection, okay? Probably 'cause I've been planning for months so that you could have the perfect party and be happy, which now I don't even think is possible." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry that I would like to have a nice 10th birthday party." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, you can't have it, Cam! You wanna know why?! Because you're 40! You're a 40-year-old man!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I am 40. I'm 40." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes. Oh, Cam, stop it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm 40 and I'm... I'm on this stupid... wait, what is that?! Oh, it's this... Thing!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, w...stop it. Come on. How... how can you say that? You're... you're a wonderful father. You... You... you graduated from clown college. You've been to France." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't want to be 40. It's not fair!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know. Nothing's fair. 2 Miles from here is an amusement park full of happy families swinging on a trapeze. That's all I wanted for my special bonus day." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Seriously? There's nothing you can do?" }, { "from": "Trapeze guy", "value": "I'm sorry. You just missed the cutoff. How about we see you next time?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How about you make an exception and strap him in there? Haley : Yeah, we're, like, ten minutes past your deadline, anyway. Alex : And you don't want to make us angry today." }, { "from": "Trapeze guy", "value": "Ladies, uh, I really can't make any exceptions." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"Ladies\"?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Seriously, Pete?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, I don't think \"ladies\"..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Whoo!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Phil! Alex : Oh, oh, oh, oh! Ohh! Claire : Oh, God, Phil!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Aah! You did it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "This is so satisfying!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Best I've felt all day!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Can I rent one of these on a monthly basis?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_17_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ohh, ha ha! Yes! Oh, yay! Cameron : Best 40th birthday party ever. Mitchell : No, no. 10th." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. In fact, you're still that sexy little 8 year old I fell in love with." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, um..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, just go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This week, the world lost a great man, and I lost a mentor. For nearly 60 years, Professor ringmaster Al Uzielli helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "\"Professor ringmaster\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's a very prestigious title at clown college. One step below piemaster general." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Chuckleberry", "value": "Where's Lewis?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Who knows?" }, { "from": "Chuckleberry", "value": "Okay, guys, it's just us. Lift on three." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I didn't know you were on Facebook." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah. You said it was only for teenagers and people looking to have affairs." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I figured if you can't fight it... Not the having the affair. That's still bad. No. Not that, but there's nothing wrong with catching up with a few old friends, right? Or doing a little social networking with by B.F.F.s?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Social networking or social not-working?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! You know what we gotta do? We gotta get a picture of us all together on a boat. I think that's a thing now. So what do you say? Accept my friend thingy." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Sorry, mom, I-I didn't get a friend thingy from you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah, you know, they have a lot of blocks on there to protect kids from weirdos." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Okay. Good, good. I'll send it again." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Great." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Please do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Please don't. We got her request the first time, but ignored it. I can't have her on there snooping around seeing what I'm doing at parties." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Or posting pictures of us on family vacations wearing old, dorky clothes. What? What's wrong with this?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, check it out. I made one giant oreo." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, what are you doing? You gotta eat it like it's an ear of corn." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Genius." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Aw." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Wow. New suit?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "New everything. Kids, gather 'round. It's time for a life lesson." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Aren't we already gathered?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let me tell you something. Hard work, determination, and perseverance always win out. I am living proof that nice guys can finish first." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Today I have a chance to get the biggest listing of my career." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I have never seen this man so focused." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm like a boxer before the big fight. That's why I didn't have sex with Claire last night. Sorry, honey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. It's... it's okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But as soon as I get this listing... ding!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let's just stop. Stop." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I see you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? I'm scratching." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, mom? Is it okay if I have a friend come over tomorrow? Gloria : Who? Reuben? Or the nervous one that gets the nosebleed? Manny : It's Griffin Cooper." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Griffin Cooper?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "When did you guys become buddies? Was it a football game in the yard? You made a great catch?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, that didn't happen. But the librarian told me one day I'll be a great catch." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm really not getting that relationship." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why can't you just be happy that Manny's making new friends?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No. 'Cause it doesn't add up. Cool kids like Griffin Cooper... they don't hang out with kids like Manny." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny's very cool. Maybe those kids are finally catching up to him." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wait a minute. I get it. Couple of days last week, I took Manny to school on my motorcycle. Griffin must think I'm pretty boss." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes, Jay. It's all because of you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Kids are looking for role models. Why do you think fonzie was so popular?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He told people that they were rich, but really took their money with his scheme?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, that's a... Yes. Those people were victims of a fonzie scheme." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's showtime !" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Hey, Dunphy. You gettin' ready for your one-woman show?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mitzi." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "What are you doing here, Mitzi? I have an appointment. This is my listing." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Oh, I didn't think that was dotted line yet, jazz hands. No worries. I may have an interested buyer. I'll bring him to you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? Okay, but could you come back later? I really need to have them to myself right now." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Oh, yeah, okay. I completely understand." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, thanks." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "You're welcome." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait. What? What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Watch this." }, { "from": "Stan", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Oh, it's Mitzi Roth." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "And Phil Dunphy." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "I may have a prospective buyer for your beautiful house. I was wondering if maybe I could come in..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Stan! Hey, Patti!" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "And just have a look for a little while." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We've got a lot to talk about." }, { "from": "Stan", "value": "Come on in." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um... Hey, guys. Yeah. I'm wondering if maybe we shouldn't be alone for this." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "I'm in. Go back to condos, Dunphy. Oh, my God! This place is absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. Stunning. You are in such good hands with Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. How are you guys?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "I mean, fingers crossed, though. You know, so many new companies go belly-up. Terrible." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, good to... good to see you, Mitzi. Guys, how are you?" }, { "from": "Patti", "value": "Oh, no. No, no, it's fine. It's fine. Come and take a look." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Oh, thank you. Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mitzi, please! Mitzi, please! Please! What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Oh, my God! He shoved me!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "He shoved me!" }, { "from": "Stan", "value": "For God sakes! Phil! Oh, my God!" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "I thought you had your anger problem under control! Ow! Ow! Ow!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't have an anger... I don't... anger problem. I don't have an anger problem." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Whoa. Hey. It's over? What the hell?" }, { "from": "Chuckleberry", "value": "You're an hour late." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Huh. Good to see you, too, Chuckleberry. Look at that. Your oversized pants are starting to fit." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello, Lewis." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Hello, Fizbo." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "For several years, I was one half of the renowned clown duo Fizbo & Lewis. We were huge." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "In children's parties." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Anyway, I disbanded the group shortly after I met Mitchell. It's hard to have a relationship and a clown career. That's the reason there are so many single clowns." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just one of the reasons." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Anyway, um, Lewis hasn't spoken to me since. He's still bitter, and I don't blame him. It's kind of like I broke up The Beatles." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Of children's parties." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Bubbles", "value": "I heard you were in jail." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Yeah? I heard you're still doing that lame giant scissors bit, you blue- haired hack. Who's in?" }, { "from": "Chuckleberry", "value": "I'll go. Just give me a minute. I gotta redo my lips." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "All right. Cerveza. What about you, fizzy? You gonna come or you gonna break up this party, too? Hey, shotgun, bitches!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I should, you know, probably go. You know, for... for Al." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, yeah, no, of course. But, hey, listen, don't let him get to you, all right?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No. It's fine. It's all seltzer under the bridge. Just one drink, and then I'll be home." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Just drive me home first?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, you, uh, you... you take the car. I, uh, I'll go with the guys." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "In that tiny car? How are you all possibly gonna... Forget I asked!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's 5:00 in the morning." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Daddy's juggling!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily, honey, what are you doing up? Are you just getting home?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, things got a little out of hand. Somebody had a flower that squirted Tequila." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "What do you mean \"somebody\"? I want full credit. What up, red?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Teach me to juggle!" }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "It's very simple. The key is to be aware of where everything is at all times. Oh!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And don't forget the importance of balance! Oh!" }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Whoa!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Okay. Come on." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think I cracked my eggs." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "We're out of eggs? Are you yolking? And I haven't eaten in five days! Five days! Are you cereal? Whoa!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. You two are deliberately not confirming me. Everybody else has accepted my Facebook requests... Your father, Uncle Mitchell... Adele. That's right. Adele has agreed to be my friend, and my own daughters haven't." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Yeah, you may just be a fan of Adele, and... Claire : What is so private that I can't possibly see it? Haley : Nothing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing. You just don't want to be my friend. Great. I can see my next status update... \"My daughters are monsters.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're not gonna believe this. Mitzi got the listing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no, honey. That's awful." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "She cheated, she lied, and she won. Kids, gather 'round." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Again, we are gathered." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You wanna get ahead? Don't play by the rules. Turns out nice guys finish last in this cold, dog-eat-dog world." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It's not fair. Why don't you play dirty, too? You could take her down." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, 'cause your dad is a better man than that. He has values and morals and..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Shh. You. Keep talking. Well, just off the top of my head, you could take my spy pen and record her admitting what she did. And then you could play it for those people so they realize what a jerk she is." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Your dad is never gonna do that..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You're a regular chatterbox today! Get me that pen!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I got it!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Remember, pal, keep it simple." }, { "from": "Griffin", "value": "Hey, Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Griffin... legendary creature of Greek mythology with the head of a lion and wings of an eagle. What'd you say, Jay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Never mind. Jay Pritchett. Nice to meet you." }, { "from": "Griffin", "value": "Nice to meet you, too." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, I, uh, I saw a little of that basketball game of yours last week. You were lightin' it up." }, { "from": "Griffin", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I was lighting it up, too, Jay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Griffin. How are you?" }, { "from": "Griffin", "value": "Oh. 13. I'm fine." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So what do you boys have planned for today?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, it's kind of a surprise for Griffin, but let's just say it involves decoupage." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, jeez." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Come on. Let's go." }, { "from": "Griffin", "value": "Good-bye." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, no." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You were right. This boy is not here to see Manny." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I told you. You see the way he looks at me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, fonzie, the way he looks at me. He couldn't talk. He kept staring. He was just like my teachers back in school." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, you're very pretty. But the kid idolizes me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Really? Griffin! Manny! Do you want to go with Jay to ride his motorcycle, or you want to go with me to the supermarket and buy a couple of onions?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Motorcycle rides!" }, { "from": "Griffin", "value": "Onions sound good." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Huh. Guess he has a thing for you, too." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, I-I just finished cleaning the kitchen, so if anyone has to do a spit take, please do it over the sink." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "We felt really bad about that, so we got you a present." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What... what's the deal with this? I open it up and snakes fly out, or a fire?" }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "No, we just know that you like to read." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "So open it. Aah! Got him!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No. That's exactly what I expected. 'Member, when I told you?" }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Okay. Look, it's almost go time, so we should have a shot and go white up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sor... excuse me. \"White up\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah. Lewis got a call to do a birthday party this afternoon, so we're gonna put the old act back together." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Yeah, Fizbo & Lewis, together again. And they said it would never happen." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Said. Hoped. Could I talk to you for a second?" }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Uh-oh. Trouble in queer-a-dise. Okay, look, gonna go out to the car for smokes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Please tell me \"smokes\" is not another clown, 'cause I don't think I could handle another one of him." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, Lewis is not that bad." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, what do you see in that guy, Cam?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I don't know. Maybe the fact that he doesn't roll his eyes every time I talk about the art of clowning... Like that. He may have had his faults, but we were great together. We had an unspoken language. We finished each other's balloon animals. But you would never know, because you have never been to one of our performances." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Birthday parties. Cameron : You hate my clown side. Mitchell : No. No. No. I don't hate it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Just admit it. I basically already know you do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Okay. Cards on the table. It's not my favorite thing that you..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, how dare you? I am a clown. It's who I am! If you squeeze me, do I not honk? Eye roll!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, like I had a choice!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Knock, knock." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "What are you doing here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, um, I-I brought you some... soup. You know, I thought about it, and maybe I did push you. So... how's the ankle?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Oh, come on, Dunphy. You know I flopped. Haven't you ever seen an nba game? Oh, I'm sorry. In your case, WNBA." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So that was all a ruse?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "The oldest trick in the book. You need to step up your game, son. You know what? I almost feel sorry for you. Come here. Give me a big hug. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No hard feelings, huh?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "None at all." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Good." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because I just recorded your entire confession... Right here on my..." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Spy pen? Second-oldest trick in the book." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um..." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Oh, God. A real man would have just poisoned the soup. Are we... done here?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah. Thank you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey, mom. Guess what? Griffin invited us all over to his house for a pool party and barbecue tonight." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Pool party, huh?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, and he said bring your swimsuits. He was pretty adamant about it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's 50 degrees outside." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Sounds fun." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Great. I'll call him." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, you're basically agreeing to a date with a 13-year-old boy." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, we use this go get us tables at restaurants, why can't we use this to get Manny a friend?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because he's not really getting a friend." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, but when you thought that he was trying to ride your motorcycle, it was okay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Maybe now I don't like what he's trying to ride." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny likes Griffin. Maybe someday, if they spend enough time together, Griffin will like Manny." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What? Griffin doesn't like me?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, no, papi. He loves you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "But you just said someday Griffin will like me. That means he doesn't like me now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what, kid? We think that Griffin might be hanging out with you because he's got a little crush on your mother and me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "On you?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wow. I can't believe it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Listen, it's fine. You're gonna be fine. Okay?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Are you kidding? It's fantastic!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How is it fantastic?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm only hanging out with him because I have the hots for his sister Chloe. You've met Griffin. The kid's a doorknob." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So you're just using him?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yeah, and I felt really guilty about it until now. Now it's a win-win." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Not for me!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Just suck it up, mom. I've done a lot for you over the years. Jay, you, too. This girl could be the one. Then I'm out of your hair forever. Pool party, mom. Dress accordingly." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Can you help me reach that box of cereal?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Ugh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey. You're Mitzi Roth. I recognize you from your ads." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Smokin', right?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm Luke Dunphy. My dad's Phil Dunphy." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "I'm sorry." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Why do you hate him so much?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "It's just business, kid. It's not personal." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Well, it's personal to us. I've never seen my dad so worried before. I have this spy pen, and I heard him talking to my mom, and he's scared about paying for my sister's college next year. And I guess he's nervous about some kind of party, because he said there's a big balloon payment. Anyways, he's like the best dad ever, so maybe you could be a little nicer to him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "There you are, buddy. Check it out. They're giving away free jelly beans. Hey, Mitzi." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Dunphy. You have a very nice kid there." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's mine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hey, so I was thinking after, uh, little Fizbo, we could do the ladder bit." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Ah, crap. I forgot the ladder. You know what? I'll remember it next weekend." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What's next weekend?" }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "We got a town fair in thousand oaks and a birthday party in Pasadena." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I-I can't do that." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "W-what do you mean? I'm the one with outstanding warrants in Pasadena." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're taking Lily to the aquarium next weekend. You know, Lewis, this was just a onetime thing, right?" }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "What happened to \"we're putting the act back together\"?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, that was just for today." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Oh. Oh, sure." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm... I'm sorry if you thought..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lewis", "value": "No, no, no. I get it. You're a family man now. Hey... Let's go out there and make this the best show Fizbo & Lewis have ever done." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You got it, partner." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Ladies and germs, boys and girls, say hello to my good friend... Little Fizbo!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hello, big people! Kids : Hi!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let's get this party started! Wow, all this dancing sure has made me hungry! Wish I had something to eat! Heh! Oh! Oh, forgot I had that fish over there. Don't know why he's so mad at me! He was fine just a minute ago. Ohh! Okay! Somebody's a little punchy today! Oh. Hey. What's the frying pan doing here? When did we add a frying pan to the act? We don't need... Nope! Don't need the frying pan! Ow! Oh, gosh! Why are you doing that? Stop doing that." }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Screw you, you traitor." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ow! That hurts! Seriously, stop it!" }, { "from": "Lewis", "value": "Know what hurts? Abandonment. Listen to 'em laughing. We could have been something. We could have been some... I can't do this bit by myself!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Somebody! Somebody! This isn't pretend! Someone grab an adult, please!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mitzi." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Your kid forgot his cereal. There's a surprise in every box. Spoiler alert... it's diabetes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You drove all the way over here for this?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Okay, look, here's the deal. You can have that listing if you want it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Yeah, the couple are a real pain. I'm too old for that kind of headache. Just keep your mouth shut about it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Thank you so much. Mitzi : I just said \"zip it\"! Phil : Oh. You did." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Unbelievable." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm so sorry. But thank you." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Bye!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Kids, gather 'round!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "We are right here!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Let me tell you something... people are fundamentally good. The key is, you find that goodness deep within 'em. Twist it, and turn it to your advantage. Hello. Psh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "And... there she is. What are you gonna hit?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "College, balloon payment, greatest dad ever." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Nice. Do you want me to squirt some tears in your eyes?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, please. I was fake crying before I could walk. How do you think I got out of eating all those salads? Can you help me reach that box of cereal? Oh, hey. You're Mitzi Roth, right? I recognize you from your ads." }, { "from": "Mitzi", "value": "Smokin', huh?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't believe you got that listing back!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sweetheart! Claire : Honey! Oh. Phil : Honey?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Ding?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You sure you wanna ding a chatterbox? Mnh-mnh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey... Buddy, quick... What's the trick to those fake tears?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "The three stooges are all dead." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, that's good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, it looks like somebody likes Coldplay." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mm. Right. You saw." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh. Did you see the pictures I posted from Thanksgiving? Totes adorbs." } ] }, { "id": "episode_18_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm going to kill myself." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm. You gotta check out my wall. Right there. Haley : \"Spring break, 1990, New Orleans.\" Is that you? Claire : What?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Some guy from your college tagged you in a picture." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is \"tagging\"? What is \"tagging\"? Alex : Why are you drinking out of a funnel? Haley : And why is his hand on your..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Untag it!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my goodness!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Un... untag it! Girls, I'm serious! Untag it! Tear down the wall!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respond to allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, I haven't been elected yet. Come on, kids! We gotta vote! Honey, come on. Please stop filming." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm just excited! After today, you are going to be a councilwoman, and I am going to be a first husband." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And if you don't stop filming, you're going to be my first husband. All right, everybody, come on! Do you know what you're doing, kids? You guys are manning the phone banks. Alex, you're in charge of that." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wh-why is she in charge? And what's... what's a phone bank?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's why." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I got it. I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls, assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them. Where you at?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "High-five. Old people occasionally forget things." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. All right, everybody, let's go. Let's go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Real quick! Sorry. Everybody get in there. Jump in there. I just want to say how proud of you we all are. You're an inspiration. Who would have thought that 20 years ago when you were still in the bloom of your youth..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I'm gonna go start the car." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The choice is Claire! Vote Claire Dunphy for town council." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Aw, I love it!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What do you think, huh?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I love it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We got it on Craigslist. Came off a taco truck." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It did." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I love that you're doing this for me. Thank you!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're welcome." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And I love to festoon things." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We're her dream team." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So we cleared the whole day, dropped Lily off at school, and voted first thing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Although, uh, one of us had a bit of a dimpled chad situation." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Bye! Bye!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you, guys!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can see Clairely now that Duane is gone." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Bye! Thank you! Oh, my gosh. Okay, everybody, get in the car. Let's go. Let's go." }, { "from": "Laurie", "value": "Good luck today, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Laurie, thank you." }, { "from": "Laurie", "value": "Hey, by the way, we have some really good news. claire : What's that?" }, { "from": "Laurie", "value": "Becky got into the University of Oregon." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, congratulations!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm too nervous. I can't do it." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"Dear miss Dunphy, we regret to inform you...\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?! Don't leave me hanging!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Manny, write this down." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I didn't bring a pen." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Election day is America at its finest. The people speak, and the government listens. I don't know what they do in Colombia." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No one does, and don't ask." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I mean, we know that voting's a privilege, but for my daughter to have her name on that ballot, it just means so much more... You know what? I think I'm gonna vote later." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What? Where are you going?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, the line is too long." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's only three people! And nobody has a gun!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We're here, we're Claire, get used to it!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking. Here, let me try one. You don't have to be Clairevoyant to know who to vote for. Vote Dunphy for town council. Uh, uh, uh, Claire Dunphy. Uh, C-Claire's her first name. I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my God. Look at that. There's a trash can right there, and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk. Hey! You in the yellow jacket. Pick it up and put it in the trash." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God. He did it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, he did." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Ooh, here. Let me try one. I'll try... Hey, dragon tattoo, no jaywalking!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "oh, my gosh. This is an instrument of power. How could they not sell tacos?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know what we could do with this thing? Cam, we could really make a difference. We could be the voice of change." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ooh, I got it! Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on, gang. Today is the Dunphys at their best." }, { "from": "Reporter", "value": "Hi. I'm from the \"Weekly Saver.\" Mind if I ask you a couple questions about the big election?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not at all. Fire away." }, { "from": "Reporter", "value": "Who are you voting for today?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Claire Dunphy." }, { "from": "Reporter", "value": "Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name. Why?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh... Because I am Claire Dunphy." }, { "from": "Reporter", "value": "Oh, sorry. They moved me over from ad sales. We take turns reporting. How do you feel about your chances today?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not as good as I did a few minutes ago." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, she feels great. Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high. There's your headline." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, no." }, { "from": "Reporter", "value": "Uh, how about a photo of all of you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Sure. Yes." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom, mom, mom. Tag. Tag's still on." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my Goodness. Thank you. That would have been a really awkward picture. Okay. No!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "What is that? Is that a tooth?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ew!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Awesome!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "How old are you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Do it again!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "How does that even happen?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's a-a fake tooth from an old ice-skating injury. It just fell out. Oh, my gosh. Why today?! What about the..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Let's not overreact. Let's... let me see it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. All right." }, { "from": "Reporter", "value": "Got it. Thanks." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What happened back there?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Line was too long. I couldn't wait. I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet! Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay? That place I take you has the greatest sherbet on the west coast. They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why are we talking about sherbet? Manny : He's clearly changing the subject. Jay : Why aren't you in school?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "He's doing it again." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny's right. You're being very ardilla." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"Ardilla\"?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, you know, the... The one that... that..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Rabbit? I was being rabbit-y?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, another one with the cheeks and the tail and..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Chipmunk? Possum?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Okay, obviously she means squirrel. You were being squirrely then, you're being squirrely now." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Better than being a rat." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, give us a minute." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, sure. I served him up on a silver platter." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What? All right, it's no big deal. There was a woman working there. I didn't want her to see me." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Who is she?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Her name is Dottie. She's the first woman I dated after my divorce." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You dated a Dottie after Dede?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Y-you're focusing on the wrong thing here. The... the point is it ended badly. I tried to let her down easy, but, uh, she didn't take it too well." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So because of this woman, you didn't vote for your daughter? It's Claire! We need her to win! I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'll figure out something. Maybe those poll workers take shifts." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Stop hiding in your little cave like a... Like, you know. Like the... the... the..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I really don't wanna do this again." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, the... No. No. The big one, like, uh, the monster furry one. Ay, why can't I remember any animal names?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Climb aboard the Dunphy Express. Next stop... democracy." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Well... no, no..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Please don't go. I won't do that anymore. I promise." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Oh. Uh, we need to make a quick stop. I gotta pick up my new glasses." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No can do. I, uh... I got a lot of people waitin', so..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Walt", "value": "It'll just take two minutes. I can't even see the ballot without my glasses. I mark the wrong box, next thing you know I'll be married to a guy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, I... I don't think it's mandatory, Walt." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "I'm a good dancer. They'll come for me. Oh, yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Do not see that movie! You will neither laugh nor cry! Cameron : \"Best pizza in the city\"? Not even the best pizza on this street. Mitchell : They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"Totally free checking\"? Don't bank on it!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, that was really fun, but now we gotta go back to campaigning for Claire." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We've been saying that for two hours." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, but now I-I really mean it. Oh, my god, there's Sandy!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sandra Bullock?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, Sandra Bullock. We're such good friends, I call her \"Sandy,\" So... No, Sandy who works at Lily's preschool. Right there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah. You know, she got engaged." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No! To the gay boyfriend?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Totally." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, how does she not see it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "If I was with somebody that gorgeous, I'd overlook a few quirks, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "First of all, thank you. Second of all... point well taken. I don't know. Poor Sandy. I feel so bad for her." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, it's better than being alone." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Is it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She's looking over here." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my god." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell, you're sitting on the button." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What? No... no, I'm not. No, I'm not! The... it's stuck! And you're the one that had it last when you were talking to the cheese shop!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because you know what? If you advertise truffle cheese, there are certain expectations..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi, Sandy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What a beautiful name." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "She used to be a citizen." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy for town council." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "All right. How about this? If you vote for Claire Dunphy... You won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Vote for Claire! Luke! What are you doing? You can't say that!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Oh, like she'd be the first politician to make a promise she can't keep." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you, either. Maybe you are the one that is bothering me! How do you like that? Eh?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Gloria, I'm gonna have to ask you again to please stick to your script." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But everybody's saying no to me! I don't get it. Usually when I ask someone to do something, they just do it!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Maybe it's because these people can't see you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't like it. Can't you just hook me up to some sort of camera?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, thank you, Maggie, for the vote. Okay. Bye-bye." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Tech guy", "value": "Here's your seat." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you. Um, you'll have to excuse me. I'm a little nervous. I've never been on the radio before." }, { "from": "Cecil", "value": "Don't worry about it. Just think of it as a conversation." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Tech guy", "value": "Here are your headphones. Volume control. Don't get too far from the mike." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Tech guy", "value": "Make sure your cell phone's off." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Cell phone. Right. Um..." }, { "from": "Tech guy", "value": "And you're not chewing gum, are you?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I'm not. I just had some temporary dental work done. The last thing I need..." }, { "from": "Cecil", "value": "And welcome back to \"A matter of record.\" I'm Cecil Van Gundy. Joining us now in studio is district 43 town council candidate Claire Dunphy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you, Cecil. It's a pleasure to be here." }, { "from": "Cecil", "value": "So... You're a first-time candidate. Tell us what got you involved." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It all started with a, um... With a stop sign. I was concerned about safety in our neighbourhood and I was not getting any satisfaction from city hall." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What's wrong with mom?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, this isn't good." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She sounds drunk!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "That's not her drunk voice." }, { "from": "Cecil", "value": "Tell us about some of the other issues facing our town. Where do you stand on the city's sewage and sustainability initiative, the so-called S.S.I.?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "One cannot really talk about s-s-sewage and sustainability without first discussing... recycling. This city can do more..." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "What the hell's wrong with her? Claire : With the recycling program... Walt : She sounds drunk!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "...currently..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's a tooth thing. What's wrong? Walt : Oh, I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy. Phil : Is that serious?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Walt", "value": "Is oxygen serious?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses. I'm just gonna drop you at home. You can get your air. I can drive other people." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "I don't have any more tanks at home." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why? That seems like bad planning." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Well, I forgot to order them. My pills make me forget things. Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Please tell me you have it with you." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Of course I do, but I have to take 'em with food. Don't I?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Are you asking me?" }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Uh, yes! I do take them with food! Ooh. I don't feel so well." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I'll get you whatever you want! I'll get you the air, I'll get you the food." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Then I'll vote for your drunk wife." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is not her drunk voice!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Thank you so much for voting. We appreciate it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hi. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. Jay Pritchett. Uh, can I get in... in and out really quick? Thank you. This is all I needed. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. All right. Claire, Claire, Claire. Claire, Claire... ahh, ahh. Here. I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Hello, Dottie!" }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Jay! It's so nice to see you!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Is it?" }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Oh, why wouldn't it be? That was a long time ago. Water under the bridge. We're good." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, that's great." }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Thank you so much for voting." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You remember my daughter Claire. She's... She's running for town council." }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Oh, isn't that neat?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, I'm so proud. So you're gonna put it in there, huh?" }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Definitely." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Cause every vote counts, you know. Dottie : Thank you so much for voting. Jay : You know..." }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Boy, I'd sure like to see the sweet sight of my vote... counting." }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Why would I say I'd do something and not do it? That would make me a liar... instead of a trusting widow who fell asleep in the warm embrace of a man who promised to make breakfast." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, here it is. Look, I am so sorry. You were the first woman I'd been with besides my ex... 35 years. I panicked. An-and it wasn't 'cause y-you weren't pretty naked or anything like that. I'd have run from Angie Dickinson." }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Oh, lucky her." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Dottie..." }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "Good-bye, Jay!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Dottie, Dottie, please. I'm just trying to get my ballot in the box." }, { "from": "Dottie", "value": "oh, yeah, that sounds familiar." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, but you don't have to do anything. Just let me put it in! Uhh. Shouldn't have said that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We are so sorry. We did not mean for you to hear any of that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, and you know what? We shouldn't have been gossiping in the first place." }, { "from": "Sandy", "value": "But what if you're right? What if Gregory is gay? When my mom said it, I didn't believe her. She lives in Iowa. But coming from you two!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Means nothing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We barely know your fiance. If he says he's straight, he's straight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mm. Straight." }, { "from": "Sandy", "value": "We're getting married in a month. People are flying in. He signed us up for dance classes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my god! No. No, no, no. Hey. This is what gays do. We gossip." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We gossip a lot." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Sandy", "value": "He gossips!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. No. You're missing the point, okay? We see a great-looking guy like Gregory, and we say he's gay because we want him to be gay!" }, { "from": "Sandy", "value": "Really? Really? Are you sure?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes. Absolutely. Look at what we do with movie stars." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know? Hugh Jackman... he sings, he dances, he's dreamy! So obviously we would want him on our team! But he's straight. Trust me, I know. I said hello to him once in a restaurant, and there was absolutely no chemistry." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, if that isn't proof..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Three weeks later, Sandy and Gregory got married, and everyone said the wedding was beautiful." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Gregory did the flowers\tWhich is perfectly normal for a straight" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Walt", "value": "The Greeks do one thing right, and it's lamb!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right. Let's go vote." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Why the hell does your wife want to be a politician, anyway?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You heard her. She wanted to put up a stop sign at Bristol and Greenleaf, But then she ran into..." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "Wait, wait, wait! That's near where I live!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. We're neighbors. Let's go!" }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "No way I'm voting for that! Too much government already. I didn't fight a war so some politician could tell me where I have to stop my car." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You don't even drive!" }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "That's 'cause that Barack Obama took my license away." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't think he was involved in the decision! I left the house today to get 50 votes for my wife. I'm not going home with zero. The least you can do is" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Walt", "value": "I don't like it! Goes against everything I believe in." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? A stop sign?!" }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "But I'll do it, 'cause you're a good kid. And I had a nice day... till you started yelling at me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So sorry. Thank you. Here you go." }, { "from": "Walt", "value": "You know, my wife was an alcoholic, too." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Let's just go vote." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi, everyone!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Any news?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Not yet, not yet, but even if I lose, at least now I know I have a future in radio." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I couldn't. People need to see me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Before we get the results, I just want to thank you all for everything you've done for me. Mitch and Cam, for campaigning for me all day in your little Claire-mobile." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's the least we could do." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Literally" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We probably did more for Hugh Jackman's career than we did for Claire's." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't think I convinced anyone to vote for Claire." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't think I even voted." } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "And my beautiful children, whose faith has given me the confidence to believe that I can do this. I can... oh. Somebody else answer it. I lost." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom. Mom." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can feel it. I..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Mom. You can do it. Mom. Answer the phone." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hello? This is she. Thanks so much for calling. Bye-bye. I have some bad news." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because someone's gonna be busy now that she's a councilwoman?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, no, I wasn't doing that fake thing. I really lost. I lost." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, no." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm so sorry. But you know what? We are still just so proud of you. Claire : Yeah! I... I don't know about you, But, um... I could use a glass of wine. Luke : Ohh. Now you're gonna hear her drunk voice." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom? You okay?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm not fine. I wanted to win, And... and I'm so embarrassed. I mean, everybody out here worked so hard for me, and they believed in me, and I let 'em down. Oh, honey. Oh, sweetheart. Well, don't cry. I'm gonna be fine, sweetie. Really, I am. Just knowing you care so much makes me feel better." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, I got four rejection letters I never told you guys about." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I got rejected from U.C.S.B., Oregon, Wisconsin..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "And Northwestern." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, we were overshooting on that one. What about, uh..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "It came today. My last chance. I'm too scared to open it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Whatever it says in there, your father and I are crazy proud of you. Okay?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I did start trying this year." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I know you did. You did. You have nothing to be ashamed of." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Neither do you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's a little bit different." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, it's exactly the same. Except you tried really hard the whole time, not just at the end." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're right. It is the same. We have nothing to be ashamed of... so let's open that together." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, open it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? No! What are you doing here? Mitchell : No. Come on, Haley. We believe in you. Alex : Do it!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You can always work for me." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Come on. You can do it. You can do this." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on, Haley." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All right." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"Dear Miss Dunphy, we regret to inform you...\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, honey." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "\"While we cannot offer you admission at this time, you are a promising candidate, and therefore we would like to place you on our wait list!\" Oh, my god, I got wait-listed!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We will take it!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Congratulations! Congratulations!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Our daughter might be going to college!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, look. A stop sign." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's addressed to you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"Dear Claire, I won. You lost. Here's your stupid stop sign. Next time you think about bothering me, please take its advice. Your councilman, the honorable Duane Bailey.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, you did it!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I did it. I made our neighborhood a little bit safer. I may have even saved life. You idiot, there's stop sign! Can't you read? we need speed bumps." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, no. No! Honey!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_19_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "We have to tell him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I hope he's okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm more worried about the one you showed. What's with all the smiling?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What are you talking about?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That grin. \"Walt's dead.\" You looked like the joker." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I didn't smile." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Walt, our elderly next door neighbor, died. He and Luke were pretty close, so we have to tell him. I'm a little nervous about it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think we should break it to him slowly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Like how?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, first we'd say, \"Luke, your friend Walt has a cold. You shouldn't go over there.\" Next day... \"bad news. Walt's in the hospital,\" but he's still cracking jokes with the nurses.\" Next day... \"they're trying an experimental drug.\" Fingers crossed.\" Next day... \"his body rebelled. He's in a coma.\" Next day... he rallies, next day... coma, next day... coma, next day... coma, next day... eye flutter..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Stop. Just stop. Stop. Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Luke, we have some bad news for you. It's about Walt. I'm afraid... he passed away." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um, it happened yesterday. He finished writing an angry letter to the postmaster general, and he just fell asleep." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It was very peaceful. Not the letter. That was full of threats, but..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's okay to be sad, honey. You two were really good friends. It must be quite a shock to hear that... Walt's dead." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Um, so do you wanna talk about it or..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm okay. Can I get back to my video game? It's paused." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, um, sure. Yeah, buddy. Come here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How weird was that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know. Crazy weird." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's like he had no feelings at all." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You did. It's like a weird coping mechanism. You did the same thing when you told him his hamster died." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't know what you thought you saw, Phil, but our child just got some terrible news and had absolutely no reaction. Doesn't that concern you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. He probably just needs time to process it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hmm. Do you think?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, honey. Death is a profound thing to deal with at any age. We all manage it differently. Some people lock up their feelings. Others... reach out for comfort, finding some way to reaffirm their connection to life..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You're joking." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Haley." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Gloria, I was driving by and saw this outside your door, so here." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No problem. Hey, so since I'm already here, my friend was gonna have a pool party tonight, but he got sick. Could we have it here?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Mm. Good thing that you saw this paper or if not, you would have never been able to ask." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm sorry, but Jay and I are going to Mitch and Cam's for dinner tonight." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I'm just thinking out loud here. What if I get a chaperone that my parents approve of? Would it be okay then?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, I guess so. You know, it would be good for Manny to have a little bit of fun. Do you mind if he stays here for the party?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mind? The plan depended on him." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't suppose you've thought of a chaperone?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Of course not, mom, because it's going to be a wild party and I'm trying to get away with something, as usual. Yes, I thought of a chaperone... my Uncle who already said he would do it. But if that's gonna be a problem, I think I should just call everybody..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It's fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Can you help a little bit?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "This... if I... if I push down, does that... Cameron : Yeah, that's helping. That's helping. Mitchell : No, it's not helping. It's 'cause it's stuck." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I can't believe I got 'em this stuck. I've built beds my whole life... bunk beds, dog beds, cow beds." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, I'm calling you on cow beds." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, that's my dad! Okay. He can help. He's built a boat, a dock, a lake..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, he did not build a lake. Okay, from now on, just stop after you say the second thing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Merle", "value": "So the cabin door swings open, damned if there wasn't a lady pilot in there." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, well, I hate to admit it, but it throws me, too. I do prefer a man." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Are we gonna have this conversation again?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Merle. Hey. How are you?" }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Yeah, ooh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Nice to see you. All right, let me grab that for you." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "No. No. I got it. I will take that beer you were about to offer me, though." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah. Coming right up. And you know where everything is. Go have a seat." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, I missed a call from my dad." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, let me guess. Is he calling to cancel? What's his excuse this time?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, that's a really mean thing to assume, Cam. I really wish you'd give my dad a break for once." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, please. You know Jay doesn't like my dad. He thinks he's some bumpkin from the sticks. Well, I will have you know that Merle Stonewall Tucker is one of the most respected farmers in all of Hell's Hollow, Missouri." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you're not hearing yourself. My dad likes him just fine. Come on." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hello?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, dad. It's me." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Mitch. I'm sick. I gotta cancel tonight." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, 6:00. We're really looking forward to it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What are you doing? I just said I can't come." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I don't know. Let me ask. My dad wants to know red or white?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um, uh, red." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Red. And I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah, Cam says red. Okay. Yeah, he's... he's so happy... Knock it off, old man. You are not sick. Why do you always do this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, look, between you and me, Mervis kind of bugs me." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, first of all, it's Merle. Mervis isn't a name. Mervis is a sound. And second of all, he's... he's my partner's father. Okay? You're coming." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, dad, why don't you settle in? We don't have plans until dinner tonight with Jay and Gloria." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "I-I don't like that guy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What? That's... you like everybody." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Not Jay. The guy rubs me the wrong way. Every time I try to do something nice, he makes this cranky face, like..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Well, you know what? I'm gonna chalk this up to jet lag for you because it's not like you at all. Okay, you have to make an effort. It's my partner's father. Now give me the growl that means \"okay.\" Good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Did you know Walt had a daughter he was completely estranged from? His lawyer said she wouldn't even honor his last request to toss his dog tags in the ocean. Can you imagine?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, do we really have to go through this again? I told you, I would do everything possible to make sure that your skeleton ends up in a science class at a women's college." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, it's just sad. That's half of what would keep me going in my old age... remembering all the good times with the kids. Teaching Luke to ride his bike, Haley at the father-daughter dance... Taking Alex for her first pony ride." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You never took Alex on a pony ride." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, right. That was just me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But Alex and I went, um, oh, no. That was Haley. Claire : Phil, look. It's Luke. He's going into Walt's house. Phil : Oh, he's saying good-bye. He just needed a little time." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's so sweet and so sad. He's so much more sensitive than I ever thought. They had a special bond. I wouldn't be surprised if one day he wrote a book like \"Tuesdays with Morrie.\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I never read it. Did that guy steal Morrie's TV?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, we're bringing closure to a man's life. We'll hike up to the scenic overlook, where apparently, Walt proposed to his wife, wait for the light to be just right, say a few words. Share some memories." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "That's kind of poetic. Kind of navajo." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Now you're getting it. We'll be sending him off with a level of dignity, that if we're lucky, someday we'll experience, too. It's called..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey. What do you got there? Walt's old TV?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "He said I could take one thing after he died. I wish he would've said two things. I would've taken that phone with the big buttons." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I bet you guys had some really good times watching this thing, right?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "No. I just wanted a TV in my room." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know, Luke, there might be a nicer way to honor Walt's memory." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What do you mean?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I mean, you guys liked to garden. We could, uh, we could take one of his flowers and plant it in our yard, and then every spring, when..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "There we go." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, how are you feeling? Sad? Angry? Confused? Frustrated? You know you can talk to me." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I know, but I can't see through you. Could you scootch?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. No. You know, this is not okay. It's going back." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What? He said I could pick one thing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "This isn't picking. It's looting, and it's going back." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You are so mean. When Walt used to look through those binoculars and say, \"your dad's one lucky man,\" he was wrong." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hi. Stef, Sam, this is Manny." }, { "from": "Sam", "value": "What's up, dude?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Kitchen's over there and pool's in the back." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "So where are your parents?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "They're not coming." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I was told there'd be a chaperone." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "There is. It's you. My parents are totally fine with it." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, exits, fire extinguisher, burn kit. Okay, let's have some fun." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Merle", "value": "Oh, this was a delicious meal, Mitchell. I wish my wife could cook a roast like this. You got a good one there, son." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, I'm very lucky, just like you and mama. Never had a bad patch. Except the winter of '85. Remember that?" }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Oh, I spent several nights in the cow bed then." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, here. Let me help you." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "No, no, no. You sit... sit down. Let... lets us guys catch up here a little bit." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Merle", "value": "Before we get to dessert, I've got some presents here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! Oh, you didn't need to, dad. Love it!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, Merle, thank you so much. Look at this. Oh. So elegant, huh? Oh, this is so sweet. I think I might cry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, I really gotta get home." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know. I know. You gotta do homework. But you can't expect me to see a sign that says, \"world's greatest milk shake... 50 miles,\" and not drive to it." }, { "from": "Francine", "value": "Sorry, sweetie. Machine's broken." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Customer", "value": "Call us when it happens, Francine." }, { "from": "Francine", "value": "Oh, it could be before you get home. I'm a week past my due date as it is. What can I do for you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay! What looks good? What looks good? What looks good?" }, { "from": "Francine", "value": "Well, um..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lily", "value": "Bam!" }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Wh-whoa! Kids love to destroy things." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Not Manny. He's always been a little bit too serious. I would make the buildings, and he would inspect them. And if they weren't up to code, ay, ay, ay, the paperwork." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "I remember Cam, one time, rolled a tractor tire right through a chicken coop. He was 3 at the time." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I remember Mitchell, one time, karate-chopped a plate glass window. Got 17 stitches." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, yes. I love that story. Which one of the Charlie's Angels he was being again?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's not important." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Merle", "value": "I think it was Farrah. Yeah, the thing I remember is, when Mitchell told that story, how... how he giggled all the way through." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm sure he wasn't giggling." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Oh, yeah, he... he was giggling, all right." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, see, Mitchell has a booming laugh. It's Cameron, actually... has the high laugh. You know..." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "No, I think Mitch has a higher laugh than... it's..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, it's..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Listen to them." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Listen to them. Best of friends." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, well, confession time... he kinda didn't want to come." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, you're gonna laugh because my dad was kinda hoping he wouldn't." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wha? Oh. They just needed to get to know one another better. I am so glad that we did this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, me, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, that's so funny. Wh-what did your dad not like about my dad?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, you know Jay. He's a Teddy bear, but sometimes he can kinda come off as a tough guy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, that's true." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "As an actual tough guy, you can kinda see how that would rub my dad the wrong way." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, it's... I-I could see that, but, you know, my dad's actually pretty tough himself, so..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, city tough, you know, not farm tough." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh-huh. You mean cities, where there are gangs, as to opposed to farms, where there are ducks?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Merle", "value": "Oh, boy. It's really jammed in there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Why don't you hop on in there, dad?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "My dad's got it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right, let's see here. Hang on, Merle. Wait. Here. Huh? Hold." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Yeah, that's good." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh. It's coming." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "We got it. We got it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, there you go. There you go." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Cam, why don't you go get us a couple of cold ones? We'll finish this job up in here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sure thing, dad. You earned it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah. Good helping there, Merle." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay. Wow. It's hot in here. It's, like, 80 degrees." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "He did that so the Meals on Wheels lady had to take off her sweater." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "How do we turn on the lights in here? Of course. So, Luke, now that we're here, you wanna take a minute and say what Walt meant to you?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Nope." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Luke, you are going through something huge in your life, and I'm concerned that you're not processing it in a normal, healthy way." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm sad. I'm so very sad." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, I don't just wanna hear what you think I wanna hear. I want you to really tell me..." }, { "from": "Kim", "value": "Hi. It's Kim with Meals on Wheels." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Kim", "value": "Hi, Luke. Where's Walt? It is like a sauna in here. How does he stand it? Walt! I'm waiting for my hug!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have some sad news about Walt. He's dead." }, { "from": "Kim", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He died last night." }, { "from": "Kim", "value": "Are you joking?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No. He had a heart attack." }, { "from": "Kim", "value": "A man died. You're... you're smiling." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not smiling." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You are, mom. It's kinda creepy." }, { "from": "Delivery Man", "value": "Well, hello? Walt? What's going on? Something happen to Walt?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I'm sure you can imagine." }, { "from": "Delivery Man", "value": "He sick? He's in the hospital? Oh, my God. Just tell me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm! Okay. He is... dead." }, { "from": "Delivery Man", "value": "He is?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, he's dead." }, { "from": "Delivery Man", "value": "What are you doing with your mouth?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Kim", "value": "She's smiling. She thinks it's funny." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I don't. I don't think it's funny. I'm not smiling." }, { "from": "Delivery Man", "value": "I'm not leaving this with you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just found out my face does this. Luke: Wow, mom. That was so wrong." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, it's... it's called a coping mechanism, Luke. Some people repress their feelings and some people just smile. But d... it doesn't matter. Just put the TV in the den. Let's get out of here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It doesn't go in the den. It goes right here. I can see it from my room. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and look down here. If the TV was on, I knew he was up, and I don't know, I guess I'm gonna miss that." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. That's... Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Francine", "value": "Is that any better?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, it still feels just, you know, a little wobbly." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh! Oh, my God. Okay, no, no, no. That's... that's fine. Thank you. Thank you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, it's \"go\" time." }, { "from": "Francine", "value": "Oh, hey, doc. It's okay. It's just a cramp. Can I get you guys anything else?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Please, no. He's already made me eat the world's greatest everything on the menu. Dad, why are you acting like this? Is this about Walt dying?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No. It's about what he didn't do when he was alive... have a special bond with his daughter. I don't want to be that kind of dad. I want to be Eugene Cernan." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Who's Eugene cernan?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "\"Apollo 17\" astronaut, last man on the moon, coolest dad of all time. When he was leaving the moon, he reached down and wrote his daughter's initials into the lunar surface. Since there's no atmosphere..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "There'll be there forever. Wow. So every time she looks in the sky, she knows there's a message just for her." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Exactly. That's why dads everywhere hate Eugene Cernan." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, no." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, \"hate's\" a strong word. It's just... I'm trying to make... Oh. Oh, boy. Honey. Okay. I really wanna help, but you know when someone yawns, it makes you yawn?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You're not gonna yawn, are you?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I already yawned a little in my mouth." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, God." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Merle", "value": "Jay, I want to thank you for helping me do this. I know Cam appreciates not having to do it all on his own. What? What's that face?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You really wanna know?" }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sometimes I think you treat my son like the woman in their relationship." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Like those watches. Cam's was all big and manly. The other one looked like something Grace Kelly would wear." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Well, that's just because Mitch has a more slender wrist than Cam does. That's all." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's skinny, not slender. And you're honestly telling me you don't cast Mitch in the more ladylike role?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Merle", "value": "Are you saying Cam is the wife in this deal?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I don't think about it that way. It's not like it was in our day. Husband went out to work. Wife stayed home with the kids." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "That sounds like a clever way of saying \"yes.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fine. They're both equal. Neither one is the wife." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Yeah. Yeah. I know that in my head. It's just that it makes me feel a tiny bit better to think that the person he's spending his life with is a tiny bit of a woman." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I get it. Every time I start to feel comfortable with this thing, some new part comes up I gotta wrap my head around." }, { "from": "Merle", "value": "Yeah, I guess we got no choice." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yep. We got two sons, and they're gay for each other." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll take it slow on the way home. Don't worry. Canceling course for adventure. Beep. Boop. Beep. Bop. Mm." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You know what I'll never forget? The time my dad spent the entire day trying to create a special memory for me. Or when a pregnant lady slipped in my vomit." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hang on. I wanna do one thing before we go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hey, you on your way home?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Just about. How's everything there?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Actually, it's pretty great. I can't wait to see you." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Me, too. Okay. Let's hit it. I don't know. I feel like maybe we should get some food on the way home." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Don't." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Maybe a nice tuna melt." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Stop it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I did what I could, mom. It was a nightmare. I can't tell you how many times I turned off the bathroom light." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Haley!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_20_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, crap. Listen, Gloria. Okay, everything I told you technically was not..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You lied to me so that you could have a party without supervision!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, I had plenty of supervision. He was running around all night with his coasters and vacuum and his \"make good choices\" speech." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Good. Somebody needed to be responsible." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Not you. You take rules too seriously." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm in trouble?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You are 13. You're not supposed to be vacuuming the party. You're supposed to be enjoying the party." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Exactly." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "A party that you shouldn't have been having! Manny : It seems like you're sending mixed signals here. Haley : Yeah, maybe I should get my friends and just leave." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, you're in trouble, little young lady. You're having this party!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "What? They've been using glassware by the pool, putting feet on the furniture, and begging girls to kiss each other." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yes! All the things that you should have been doing! Yeah, all those things are fine. Go. Have fun and go crazy." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But he's gonna ruin my party." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Two birds with one bullet." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "How are you doing? Phil Danoughy. What do I have to get you to ask, \"What do I have to do to get you into this car today?\"" }, { "from": "Salesman", "value": "Well, why don't we start with a test drive? I'll get the keys." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sounds good. Right where I want him." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Come here. Come look at this. This thing warns you if you deviate from your lane. In my car, that's my wife. \"Andre, if you try to kill me, I swear I will kill you!\"" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, I guess this is what I'll be driving for the next 39 months." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "This is my D.N.A. talking, but you do not seem sufficiently excited about the prospect of driving a new Cadillac." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, it's great. I've just leased the same thing forever. Part of me wants to shake things up. I don't know. Get something like... like that." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Oh, wow." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Colonel Klink, that is nice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We took Lily on her first train ride. Just a quick trip to Chinatown." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I was worried she would think we were taking her back to Vietnam, but she seemed okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, yeah. Possibly because she was an infant when she left Vietnam. Also, Vietnam is not China." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, I had a lollipop with me just in case." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I love that we're doing this. It's important for her to explore the city she lives in." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So much diversity. Keep your wallet in your front pocket." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "My shoe's untied." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, sweetie, it is. Here, have a seat. Right here. There you go. Hey, hold Bunny." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No! No, no, no, no, no, no!" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Bunny!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "How did you miss that, Mitchell?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Mr. Conductor! I-I... What? I was purell-ing! And it's me! Why would you toss it?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Because my hands were full?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I want Bunny!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know. W... okay, I have an idea. Let's catch the next train and ride it till it catches up." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "They don't catch up. That's called a collision." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, well, do you have a better idea? You're the one that lost it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, you tossed it. He who tossed it lost it. Cameron : Don't try to clever your way out of this. Lily : Daddy lost Bunny." }, { "from": "Mitchell & Cameron", "value": "She means you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, I wanted a car like this since I was a kid." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Me, too." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, blasting some Hall & Oates, maybe horsing around with my Mr. Microphone..." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Yeah, we wouldn't have been friends back then. You should buy it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, it's not practical." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Practical? You never see a person on their deathbed saying, \"I wish I'd have been more practical.\" I see a lot of people on their deathbed, Phil. A lot." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I thought you operated on knees and elbows." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Phil, this is a nice car. And it's half the price of a new car. If you don't buy it, I will." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What would Claire say?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "You know what? Maybe we should find you something with a little more lumbar support." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "You know, with you not having a spine and all." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I have a spine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Andre", "value": "Do you have a spine?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I have a spine." }, { "from": "Salesman", "value": "So wanna take it for a spin?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know what? I'd rather take her for a spin. Let's get her top down and see what she can do. I'm... no, I meant the convertible." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, I just talked to the concierge, and room service will save me a bread pudding." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Load off my mind." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You mock me, but \"Travel and Leisure\" says it's not to be missed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "This weekend, we're going up to Pebble Beach. I'm gonna meet a bunch of guys I played high school football with. Man, those were the good old days." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Yeah, unless you were a woman, black, Hispanic, or gay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "True, but if you were a straight white guy who played football, you really couldn't have a bad day." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria? Hmm? Which watch should I pack? This one's showier. This one's more expensive." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why do you care so much about a watch?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How do I say this without sounding like an ass? I'm kind of a legend to these guys." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Not like that." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey! Who's your daddy? Luke : Whoa! Whose car is this? Phil : Mine!" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "I talked him into it." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Seriously? Mom's gonna let you have this?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, Luke, Luke... Where is she?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, I don't like this." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why not?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "My friend Molly's dad bought a sports car, and now he lives in a studio apartment and dates a girl who works at forever 21, which she won't be for two years." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Hear that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, I'm not leaving your mom." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Might not be your call." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God, it's so pretty! I love it! And I love you, and I promise I'll take super good care of it!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Can I tell her? Please. I ask for so little." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Alex, be nice to your sister." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "It's dad's car, not yours." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? But you're too old for this! It's just like last year when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Wouldn't or couldn't?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. I looked hot." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "And you look hot in this car. Let me tell you something about your dad. Your dad is a man who knows what he wants, and he gets it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "At least that's what I heard. You know, I was there more as a friend and an observer than anything." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Andre." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Hey, Claire." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Is this the new car?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know it looks impractical, but Andre's seen a lot of people die." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm not upset. I'm not upset. It's a beautiful car. Just surprised you didn't get the sedan, that's all. Beautiful." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "Good seeing, you, Cl..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm. Beautiful." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What just happened?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "She did not blink once." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Do you wanna come in for a minute?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "No, I gotta... you know, I gotta get to the wife. Phil : Well, do you... Uh, do you need a ride or anything? Andre : No. No, no, I'm gonna, uh, I'm... a jog." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why... why are you running?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "I'm just gonna jog!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily was up all night because she didn't have Bnny, which means that we were up all night because she didn't have Bunny. God, she must have cried for... How long was it, Cam? Cam. Cam. Hmm?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, sorry. Uh, last night was rough because Lily..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Covered it. Didn't have Bunny." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, tell me, why are we on the runway?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Surprise! We're taking a private plane." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Wow! I've never been on a private plane!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And you never will. I am not getting on that little thing! What if the rubber band snaps and we fall out of the sky?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's perfectly safe. It's a legitimate airline!" }, { "from": "Pilot", "value": "Hey, folks. Whoa. Nobody said three. All right. Before we take off, I'm gonna need to get everyone's weight here." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No problem. I'm about 190." }, { "from": "Pilot", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, yeah. In that case, I'm 275." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, I would never put you and Manny in danger. Now come on! Trust me on this! Beautiful." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "How you doing there, sport?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. Yeah. Awesome. You know what's awesome? Is this car has the engine in the trunk, so that means I get to... put these signs in the seat, which is cool." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Very cool." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Huh." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, nothing. My, uh, client just wants me to pick her up on the way to the open house, which is great. I'll, uh, drop the sign off and just swing across town to... Oh. She's bringing her mom and a designer." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, maybe they'll fit in the trunk." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Here it comes!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What? I was making a joke." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What's your game, woman?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have no game. You're an adult. You can make your own choices." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Since when?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you wanna borrow the minivan?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, please." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, fine. Then you're gonna have to pick up the kids from school." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, I can't take it. If you got something to say, just say it." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I have nothing to say." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That just says it all." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well... Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "All... all right. Thank you, Serena. See you tonight. Good news... they rescheduled my massage for the morning. Bad news... it's a dude." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Don't blame me. It's your mom's fault." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you know how many people have died in these planes? John Denver, Patsy Cline, Ritchie Valens." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "I've heard you sing. I think you're safe. All right, look, the welcome dinner starts in four hours. It's a 5-hour drive. No bathroom breaks. Yeah, I think you're gonna want to hold on to that cup. Damn it!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Giant pothole. The dash is lighting up like a Christmas tree. Tire's blown! This never would have happened if we were in the air!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If this had happened in the air, we wouldn't be in the air. We would be in rock 'n' roll heaven!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, what do you think? I'm gonna put these in the subway." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, it looks like, uh, Lily's missing and we're offering $25 to get her back." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, don't be ridiculous. No one in their right mind... Okay. That's all I see now. How about this one?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Um... \"Missing... stuffed bunny. Brown and white fur. Sympathetic eyes.\" What are sympathetic eyes?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Not those." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I just... I don't really love the idea of our phone number being up in the subway." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, let's play a different game. How about I be the problem, and you be the solution?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so critical. I know you're just trying to... Got it! Just came up with a better idea. Took me less than five seconds." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "I can't hear you. What? Window. I don't know... Gah! What did I do? Oh. Oh, my. Yes. Hi." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "Hey, nice car." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Thank you." }, { "from": "Man", "value": "You gonna drive up the coast, or..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, no. I'm gonna do some errands, actually. Yeah, 'cause other people might go and buy a crazy car with an engine in the... in the trunk, but not me. No. I'm responsible. Mm-hmm. We have three kids. You can't pick up three kids in this car. You can't. You... it... it... I'll get you... catch ya. I'm going!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mechanic", "value": "Well, your strut's shot, and we can't get parts for at least a day." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Fantastic. I don't suppose there's any place you can rent cars anywhere around here?" }, { "from": "Mechanic", "value": "Know what, sir? We're not some one-horse town. Of course you can rent a car. It just happens to be out for the day." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Unbelievable. We're gonna miss the whole weekend." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I am sorry, Jay. I know how much you mean to those guys, and I know how much they want to see you. I'm so sorry." }, { "from": "Mechanic", "value": "Uh, excuse me. You are... so pretty. And if you really need to get somewhere, maybe I can help you out." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, yes, please! Thank you! Anything!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mechanic", "value": "Check it out. Restored it myself." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. I did not get in the little plane at the little airport! I'm not gonna get in this... takka-takka-takka-takka flown by that guy that couldn't fix our car!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, it's either this, or we're in the motel." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an \"H\" becomes an \"M.\"" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know, when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Lily, guess what?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, we just heard from Bunny." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is a terrible idea." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, it's fantastic. Bunny said he's on an amazing adventure having the time of his life, and that you should pick one of his best friends to sleep with while he's gone." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Bunny doesn't talk." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "This is going great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He does now, because... because he took talking lessons. So what do you think, huh? Turtle or giraffe or, uh, little reindeer?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Where's Bunny now?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh, St. Louis." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He's visiting his girlfriend." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "He doesn't have a girlfriend. He has a boyfriend! I want Bunny!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. No, no, Lily. Lily, uh, what about Miss, uh, Teddy Bear? Huh? No? Uh, Dr. Tiger? No? Mr. Fish?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I want Bunny. I'm going to St. Louis." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really? You don't know Nemo? It's on an endless loop in the den." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I have a job." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "And I would've scored if that kid didn't trip me. I can't believe the ref didn't see it." }, { "from": "Leon", "value": "I bet Olivia saw it. She's always watching you when you play." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah, I know. It's like she's in love with soccer." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ugh. Stop texting me!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm sorry, but... these signs are ridiculous." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, you're right. I should have used Helvetica. It much better represents the urgency of our situation." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, the lengths that we're going to for a stuffed animal. You know, Cam, maybe it's time Lily learned about loss." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, she's 3, and I know. Do you know how many times I had to say good-bye to a furry friend on the farm?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And didn't it make you stronger?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, because I was a growing boy and they were chock-full of protein. But it was still heartbreaking." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It builds character. You know, once, when I was a kid, my dad left my Luke Skywalker doll on an airplane, and I was so angry..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Wait, which... which Luke? Shorty robe or dress blacks?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Shorty robe." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "And you know what he did to get it back? Not a damn thing. Nope. He didn't lift one pudgy finger to make a single phone call, and I got over it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, well, I want you and Lily to have the same healthy relationship you and your father have. For sure." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, give me these flyers. I'm gonna take everything to this side of the homeless guy." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Sorry, what are we supposed to say now? Home-challenged? Or..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, look!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! It's Bunny! Oh, Lily's gonna be so happy. Oh, that's so great. Go ahead and get it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "What, me?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why should I go and get it? Mitchell : Well, I-I'm not gonna do it. Cameron : Why?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I spotted it. You're closer." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's your journey. Luke Skywalker? Pattern-breaking? Your father? Get in there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Fine. Sir... hi, sir. Hello, you... you... Hello. Yeah. Hello. He-hello? Sir... I-I can't..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, for God sakes!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Let her hate us. You turned out great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I did, didn't I?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You're a big lawyer." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "This is not the massage I had in mind." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right. Okay. In about an hour, a train goes through town that will get us close to pebble beach. Now it's not technically a-a passenger train, so it won't be stopping." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "So we gotta get running real good. No high-heeled shoes. And it wouldn't be wrong if we took that blanket with us, either, huh? So what do you say? Anybody up for a hobo adventure?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "If we're voting, I'm a \"no.\"" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, we're gonna be right back. We're gonna get some ice from the machine in the parking lot." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Classy." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay, this is getting crazy. Is it worth it?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I wanna see the old gang." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Do you wanna see them or you want to show off to them? The private plane, the fancy watch. You still want to feel that you're the big kahuna on the campus." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's not it. That's not even a thing." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You know what? I'm taking Manny home. If you want to go in the takka-takka-takka-takka, okay. Go to Pebble Beach by yourself." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, what? That's not the plan." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "If you wanna go there so bad, that's the only way you're gonna get there." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I'm not trying to get me there. I'm trying to get you there!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look... I may have exaggerated the size... kahuna I was. I may not... technically have been a kahuna. I was shy, and I spent most of my time... on the bench." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But you always made it sound like you..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I know what I made it sound like. People didn't expect much from me, and, um... They certainly didn't expect me to end up with... somebody like you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So this is all about you parading me around like a trophy?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why didn't you say so? I can be a trophy! Come on. We need to get this up to Pebble Beach. Manny! We're leaving! Get ready!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Oh, good. If we get out of here in the next ten minutes, we don't have to pay for the second hour." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "How you doing there, sport?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I'm sorry. Phil : That's okay. Claire : Thanks." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So... Whatcha doing all the way up here? Did someone snap?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "A little. Yeah. I was mad at you for buying that stupid sports car." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I knew it!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And I was wrong. It's a great car. God, I had the best day. Phil, I did cartwheels." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Without me?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, did you know there's a girl with a crush on Luke?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Olivia. Yeah." }, { "from": "PHil", "value": "Oh, and Haley's totally done with Corey. CLaire : That's new." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she'll be useful when they finish buying us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She's so weird." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I really want to be able to drive the kids around. I need a bigger car for work. I made a mistake." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No, you didn't. You bought it for a reason. When did we stop coming to the beach?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I think it was when Alex started printing out water quality reports." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She'll be China's problem soon." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You know... We don't need a sports car to get out here." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "We should just make a pact. Once a month, we get out to the beach." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And we tell everyone we're running errands." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "So you didn't get to the dry cleaner?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look what I found on the Internet." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, my God! It's Luke Skywalker in his shorty robe! I love it, Cam..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "But they're wrong. It's all about the destination, especially when the destination is your amazing oceanfront hotel. Thank you again, Serena. Warmest regards, Manny Delgado." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What's he doing?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "He's sending flowers to the concierge." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, jeez." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Hey... Credit card." } ] }, { "id": "episode_21_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Andre", "value": "She wore you down, didn't she?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is not about Claire. I really want to sell you the car." }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "It's sad. She got you to believe that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I... Turns out I'm just not a convertible guy. Andre : Well, your loss is my gain. It's a sweet ride, Phil. Phil : Right?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "It really is. Uh-oh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "I'm getting, like, a whiff of mildew." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't smell anything. Andre : Yep. That's mildew. Phil : Huh?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "This car's been in the flood. It's a Katrina car! I'm offended that you tried to sell me a Katrina car, Phil!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Your wife won't let you have a convertible, will she?" }, { "from": "Andre", "value": "We will never know, 'cause I'm afraid to ask. See you later, Phil." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Why are you running again?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Please, please, please, please." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, what is this?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "We're making sure I'm tall enough to ride all the rides at Disneyland without having to spike up my hair." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Buddy... we are good to go." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Sweet!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I have been waiting for this day ever since the doctor pointed to the ultrasound of your mom's womb and said, \"either that's a fifth limb, or you got a boy.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay, no. Gross." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "All right... I want everybody to eat a lot at home because \"the happiest place on earth\" is also home to the most expensive churro on Earth." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Come on. This is gonna be awesome. Who doesn't love a day at Disneyland?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can't you and mom go without me?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You're the kid. I think we need you to get in." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Well, it couldn't come on a worst day. The technology sector is tanking." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Do you really wants girls who only want you for your money?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'd like to have that option." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, put the stock away and put your ears on. Manny : Mom, I don't think you have to wear one of these. Gloria : Be a kid! Put them on!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really? Those shoes?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Do you know how much walking you have to do at Disneyland? Why do you think they have so many fat people on scooters?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I like wearing the high heels. I'm fine." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's just like that jacket you refuse to bring when I say, \"take a jacket.\" \"Don't tell me what to do! I'm fine!\" Huh? And you're not fine. You're cold and shivering, and I look like the jerk who won't give his wife a jacket, so I do, and then I'm cold and shivering, and I brought a jacket." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you done with your boring jacket story? Because we're going to hit traffic." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Tell you one thing. I'm not gonna give you my shoes." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ah! That must be Ethan." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Who's Ethan?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Didn't I tell you? My friend Bethenny's nephew is coming with us today. He moved to town to go to college. He's very nice, very smart, big hockey player." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I know what you're doing." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Really? She was so subtle." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Haley has a thing for bad boys, which was so me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Clearly." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "So if she's going to be leaving the nest soon, we'd prefer it was not on the back of a motorcycle." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "My college roommate had a motorcycle. Man, I had some good times on the back of that thing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I can't believe you did this. I'm not gonna babysit Bethenny's nephew. Alex can have him." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, I don't need your rejects." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi. Hi, Ethan! I'm so glad you could make it." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Thanks for inviting me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hi. I'm Al..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "My 14-year-old sister. Ethan, was it?" }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "And that's my grandpa and his wife Gloria and her son Manny." }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Wow. You guys have a big family." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Big family." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She likes him!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, who wouldn't? Where'd you find him, a Tommy Hilfiger catalog?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "He got a 2200 on his S.A.T.s. And those eyes... Mitchell : Okay, did you get him for Haley or for you? Claire : Mitchell." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You know, I haven't been here since dad brought us when we were kids." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh, yeah. Remember? You cried in the Abraham Lincoln thing." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, he's a great president, and it was the first robot I ever saw." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, people over 46 inches, first stop... Indiana Jones!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Have fun on the teacups, Lily." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, let's do this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, okay, wait just a second here, everybody. All right." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is that a leash?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No, it's a child safety tether. This way, sweetie." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It... it's a leash. Don't... don't judge us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Go on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We have a runner." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily is going through a phase-- at least... Oh, we hope it's a phase." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She bolts every chance she gets." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So we had no choice to put her on a child safety tether." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's a leash. And we did have a choice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lily, sweetie, don't pull." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Lily, heel!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "If I'd had known you guys were gonna do this, I'd have brought Stella." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It was Cam's idea." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So much for the united front. I'll have you know, despite all your jokes, Lily enjoys it. Okay, sweetie, you're not helping. You're not helping." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You guys, is that Dylan?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What? Claire : Oh, jeez. Haley : Dylan?! Dylan : Oh. Hey!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, what are you... I didn't even know you were in town." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Either did I... Know you were in town. This town. Anaheim." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I thought you were still in Wyoming." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I was, uh... But, um... Oh, shoot. You know, I, uh, gotta meet up with some friends and I'm... really late. It was nice to see you, Haley, and everybody." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "And dude I don't know." }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "I'm Ethan. It's nice to meet you." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "And polite dude I don't know." }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Did Haley used to date that guy or something? Alex : Yep. You date her, that's the club you're joining. Haley : Of course he would still look amazing." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Does he? I hadn't noticed. Did you know that Ethan plays the trumpet? No great surprise with those lips of his, huh?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Coo-coo-ca-choo, Mrs. Robinson." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, buddy, moment of truth." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yes!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "This is gonna be so awesome!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "In 45 minutes, this is gonna be so awesome!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yeah!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Look, Reuben, I have some underperformers I have to unload, and I don't have access to a computer. Log in as moneydelgado..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "By all means, Reuben, go get a popsicle while the Nikkei closes. I wanna be a pauper. Mom, my stocks just took a dive." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Your phone is about to take a dive." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on! Where do we want to go next?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh! Ethan and I want to try the haunted mansion." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "There is no you and Ethan." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Let's go to the jungle cruise. It's right there." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why? Tired of walking in those heels?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No. You tired of being with a hot wife?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, well, well. What do you know? Another caring parent with a child safety tether. See? We're not the only people who use them. Hi! Aren't they adorable?" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh, and look at your cutie!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, well, yes. She just wanted to say hi." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh. Sorry. They're a little feisty today." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh! No problem. She's friendly." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Rex, gentle." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, his... his name's Rex, huh?" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, okay. Lily, no, sweetie. Lily, um..." }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Oh. Sorry. He... he just gets excited." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, yeah, no... oh, no problem. Lily, stop moving, sweetie. Stop moving." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you got this." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay. Okay. Good girl! Good girl! Sorry." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ethan", "value": "You do not play the cello. Alex : I do. Even geekier... I'm good. Ethan : Okay, answer me this..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I will answer you this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Why do people carry cellos around? You know, people aren't expected to lug a piano around. What's the cutoff?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I know, right? Like, go where the cello is." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, look at this. I think I've inadvertently set up my 14-year-old with a college boy." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "The boy was your doing?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes. Yes, and he was perfect, and Haley was into him until, of course, we ran into Dylan. I mean, come on, dad. What are the odds of that happening?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's a small world." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes, it is." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You see what I did there?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I did." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "'Cause it's a ride." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I got it. Got it, dad. I got it. It's so frustrating because... I know I can't run Haley's like for her, but if she would let me, I would be so good at it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Right, 'cause parents always know what's best for their kids. You remember that nice girl at the office I tried to fix Mitch up with?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No offense, dad, but I think I probably have a better sense of what my kids need than you did." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I think it's cute you think that." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Mom! It was so awesome! The jeep was jerking around... And... and there was a lot of sharp turns and big drops." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Phil : It just kept going. Claire : Wow. You okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Great. Why wouldn't I be?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Because you're kinda leaning on me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, isn't that what a marriage is? Claire : Ohh. Oh, Alex, stop touching him. Jay : Oh. You look like hell." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm feeling a little dizzy. I think that ride did something to me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "The fluid in your inner ear is thickening. That's what happens when you get old." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "It is?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Yeah, you can't take the motion. I gotta pop a dramamine to get in my swivel chair." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That is not it. I'm king of the roller coasters. I think I just put too big of a whipped cream smile on my pancake this morning." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "You guys wanna go on Matterhorn?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Luke, I think me and your dad are gonna sit this one out, maybe get one them big pickles." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No! You're gonna have to eat that pickle on your own, Jay. I still got a few good years left. Luke, wait up! I'll race you there! I'm good. I'm good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, everybody's looking at us. I haven't been judged by this many people since I forgot my canvas bags at whole foods." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, well, maybe they're staring because we have what they want." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Whoa! Oh, a pet daughter. 'Cause that..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I don't care what people think. If I thought it would keep my daughter safe, I would have a kangaroo pouch sewn into my midriff." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's gonna work out really well for you as a single parent. Okay, we just got a glare from Mr. Socks-with-sandals. All right, that's it. Lily, I'm gonna take off this leash." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think it's a mistake." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "But I don't want you to run away, 'cause that would be very, very unsafe, and if we lost you, you'd be very scared, and we'd be very sad. Okay?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right. See, Cam? You treat her like a human being and she acts like one." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Chip 'n Dale!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, great. Now she's chasing squirrels. Lily!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Honey, come on!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Lily! Lily!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey! How was Splash Mountain?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It was great! Maybe we go again." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "No, thanks. There was no reception in there. You know how many bars I had? Zip-a-Dee-doo-dah. Reuben, talk to me!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Must be nice to get out of those shoes for a minute." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know what you talking about." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing. I'm just making conversation. Hey. Check it out. I bought one of those souvenir photos with you and Manny on the ride. Boy, it looks like you're having a good time. Wait a minute. What's that in your hand? Are those shoes?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm not even sure that that is us, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Why are you walking around in pain? Just admit the shoes were a bad idea." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I am not in pain. I just didn't want my favorite walking shoes to get wet there." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, my bad. Well, we've gotta meet everybody in Tomorrowland, so we'd better get movin' 'cause it's all the way on the other side of the park." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm fine. You just try to keep up with us." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I can't take this." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, throw your hands up! It's fun!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah, it is fun!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "Reuben, if you heard about that stock at a birthday party, it's already too late." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria! Gloria, sit down for a second." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm fine, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Please? Look... You may not be in pain... But I'm in pain just thinking you're in pain. So humor me for one minute." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What are those?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There wasn't a big selection at the Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Are you crazy? I cannot walk around in public with these... things. They're so yellow and so ugly. And... and they're so softy and so comfortable. Jay, what is this? Thank you for going shopping for me. Thank you for worrying about my feet. Thank you for giving me your jacket when I'm cold. You're such a good man, Jay. Thank you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Wow. I didn't expect you to be so... So nice." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why are you so surprised?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Now please don't go all Latin on me when I say this. Is it possible you get angry from time to time because you're always wearing... uncomfortable shoes?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Maybe. Can you get me a couple of more? Maybe they have purple?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Whatever you want, honey." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "All I'm saying is, it seemed like you were pretty into Ethan until Dylan showed up." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Don't get me wrong. Ethan's nice, but he's no Dylan." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Maybe that's a good thing?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why? Because Dylan's a free spirit? He's too edgy for you? He plays by his own rules?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I beg of you to turn around and experience with me the greatest moment of my life. Your rebel boyfriend's a Dapper Dan." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Maybe that's not him." }, { "from": "Dapper Dan", "value": "Dylan!" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Uh, uh, sorry. Sorry. Um..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It certainly seems like him." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, my God. He looked like those old pictures of dad from High School." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ethan", "value": "So anyway, I've really been into street art lately." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, there's a really great exhibit downtown. I'll take you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, on what, your razor scooter? Mom wants you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I-I-I..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ethan! I've been looking all over for you!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "And... and we were going around a corner, and I was screaming and I swallowed a bug. Oh, being tail is everything that I dreamed it would be. What should we do next?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Sit down." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Where we gonna sit down?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "The ground. Here, this is good right here. Oh!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you okay, dad?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, I'm not okay. I hate to tell you this, but these rides are killing me." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "B-but you're the king of roller coasters." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know! Something happens when you get older. Guess you can't take it. One of my favorite things in the world is doing stupid fun stuff with you, like pogo stick basketball or trying to get a swing to go all the way around." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Next time, we should sit on a fire extinguisher." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yes, or a bottle of coke and some mentos. Honestly, though, the way I'm feeling right now, I don't know if there's gonna be a next time." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dad, we can always find cool stuff to do. Even if you're old and in a wheelchair, I'll take you to the mall and push you as fast as you wanna go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really? You'd do that?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Heck, yeah. And we'll pop some wheelies, too." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That sounds fun." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "And I'll take you to the top of a huge hill and just let go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, we'll nail down the specifics later, but that... that's really nice." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "So do you still wanna talk or..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, go. Ride Space Mountain. Hey! Hey! At the end, when they take a picture, do something hilarious for both of us. You're gonna die. When you see it, not 'cause you're old." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Lily! Lily, stop! Dad! Dad, grab her!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, I gotcha, you little monkey!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you. Hey, Cam, I got her. We're in Fantasyland. Where are you? Okay, it's Toontown, not Toonton. You've been watching too much PBS. Thank you. All right, honey, come here." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I don't like this thing." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah? Well, I don't like running like a crazy person through Downton Disney... Downtown Disney. I don't know what to do." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Well, the leash is not the answer. You want my help?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes, please!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "'Cause I can fix this for you in about two minutes. Come on, baby girl. Come with me. We'll be right back." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Where we going? Oh, this way?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny, you don't sound very happy for a kid that is flying an elephant." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I lost to Durkas. It's not fair. He wanted to buy IBM because he thought it was funny to say." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Well, I'm glad that you lost. Fake money has changed you. Where is the Manny that used to stop to smell the roses?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "He took a bath on a solar start-up in San Jose." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You have been so busy burying your face in your phone that you barely said hello to your family, you gave Winnie the Pooh the cold shoulder, and you haven't even noticed that pretty girl in the blue elephant that has been smiling at you." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Not my type, but still it's nice to be noticed." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You see what happens when you're not burying your head in business?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're right. I'll try to be more present. What the heck's on your feet?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They're slippers! They're like pillows." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Attagirl. You're welcome." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Look. Your dad got her baby high heels, which we said we were never gonna let her wear." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I love 'em." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You look gorgeous, sweetie. Oh, my gosh. You felt people judged us before? Wait till they meet little Miss Anaheim." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Who cares? Look at her. She can barely move. Thank you, dad." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know what? She's got pretty good gams for a 3-year-old." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_36", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Cheese!" }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Got it. Thanks, Little John." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Thank you!" }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Ooh, they have corn dogs. We gotta get one before we go back. They are legendary. I'll be right back." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Haley! It's me. Dylan. I'm in the bear suit. I borrowed it to talk to you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Why are you dancing like that?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "This is what Little John does. Maybe. I don't know what movie this dude is from. I'm not even supposed to be talking to you." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Well, I'm not talking to you." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "No, you can talk." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I know, but I'm mad. You came back to town and didn't even call me." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "I was embarrassed. I lost my job at the dude ranch, and I wanted to get my act together first." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "But the four dweebs on a bike act?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Hey, the Dapper Dans are a main street tradition since 1959." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_37", "conversations": [ { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Hey, what's going on?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Nothing." }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Okay, how do you know my name?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "It's Dylan. Look, I don't wanna harsh your day, but I never stopped loving Haley and I never will!" }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "I-is this some sort of joke? Dylan : Do I look like I'm joking? Haley : Dylan, let's not do this now." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "It has to be now. I've got a parade at 3:00." }, { "from": "Ethan", "value": "Hey, seriously, dude, back off." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Okay, that was my face. And you're the one who needs to back off." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You..." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Okay. This thing's kinda heavy. I can't get up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ethan? Ethan, what is going on? What are you doing?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Uh, hi, Mrs. Dunphy. Help me up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "If I could get up, I would... uhh!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_38", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Come on, Lily sweetie. Keep up, honey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Come on. Phil, you don't look like you're doing very well." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Maybe because I officially became an old man back there at Thunder Mountain." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my goodness. You are burning up. You might have the flu." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "A bunch of guys at work had the flu, and we all drink orange juice out of the same carton. We should get cups. Luke, did you hear that?! I have the flu!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Glad we didn't share that pickle." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Hey, everybody." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, hey, hey, guys. Where's Ethan?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, he's staying. He ran into some friends. But Dylan got fired, so... don't freak out. We have to give him a ride home. And we're back together." } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_39", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, no one goes home till we hit the Lincoln thing." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yawn." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Don't even try to fight it." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, he made us go when we were kids." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Come on, people! It's a robotic president! What's not to love?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "A robotic president?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_22_chunk_40", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Here we go! Hey, dad, roller coast fist bump. What was that? Is this gonna be so awesome! Close your eyes. It makes it more fun." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, yeah. That is more fun." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Phil, honey, you're still up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, how does this sound? Mitchell, I love you very much, I not only love you, but admire you, and someday I hope to..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you firing him or proposing to him? Honey, this was supposed to be a part-time job. He was gonna be done in the summer anyway. Just be direct." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I should have warned him. How do you tell someone they have a reputation for being lazy?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mitchell? Lazy?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah. Yeah. He handed in a couple of contracts late, but I didn't want to say anything because he's practically doing this for free. I can't do this! This isn't the face of a cold-blooded hatchet man. Will you do it?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Hey." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm sorry. Did we wake you up?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No, I was up. I'm worried about tomorrow." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, do you think you're nervous because you've got a little crush on Mr. Jarvis?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Are you sure? Because I've seen the way you look at him..." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Sounds like you're the one with the crush! I've just never had a teacher not like me before." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, Ms. Davis." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Please. She's a gym teacher. She is to teaching what Dr. Seuss is to medicine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And to think she didn't like you. You? What's your problem?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Nothing. I'm just excited for tomorrow." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Professor", "value": "Luke, what happened?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't know. I was just walking by and I smelled flames." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I was there." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't like this. We're not supposed to be in here." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Just keep a lookout! We're ten seconds away from creating luketonium. Oh, crap!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Look what you did!" }, { "from": "Professor", "value": "Luke, what happened?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't know. I was just walking by and I smelled flames." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, guys, you're gonna be dragging tomorrow if you don't go to bed right now. Let's go. Go." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Fine. Come on, Alice." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'll be up in a minute. \"Mitchell, I can't tell you how hard... How hard this...\" No, that's... no, it's not personal enough. Okay, okay. \"I can't tell you how hurt and angry this makes me, but you've been late too many times. I'll need your keys.\"" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Daddy, no! I'm so sorry!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Honey, I didn't hear you come downstairs. You couldn't sleep, either?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uh, yeah. No, there's just, like, a lot on my mind with graduation, and what to wear. How does this look?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait a second. You're carrying your shoes. How am I supposed to judge the whole outfit? Put 'em on." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "So make sure you give this menu here a good, thorough reading." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Soup." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You didn't even look at it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Soup." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Check out what's below the soup... Sandwiches." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Have you check out what is below this outfit? This doesn't come from sandwiches." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"The Jay Pritchett\"? I don't understand. They named you after a sandwich?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No! They named a sandwich after me!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "\"Turkey, bacon, Swiss cheese, red peppers, anchovies on wheat\"?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Most people would stop after the salty bacon, but I double down with the anchovies." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Were you making a sandwich or attracting deer?" }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "Is this bum bothering you, miss?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, I should get a picture of this... an actual waitress sighting in this dump." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "I took a chance and put in an order for your sandwich, although most people like their Jay Pritchetts to go." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's happening?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, it's Maxine." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "So you're married to Jay. Where'd you tie up your seeing eye dog?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, no, I'm not, um... Okay, I get it. I get it." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "Here's that number for that neck doctor I want you to see." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What's wrong with your neck?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Maxine", "value": "For 30 years, I've been hearing it's a handball injury. But it always seems to get worse with stress. Maybe it's that audit he's got coming up." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Audit?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's nothing." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "Oh, isn't that cute? He doesn't want you to worry. Here's your sandwich. Now you should worry." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Look at it... my prettiest child." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why didn't you tell me about your neck?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's fine. Take a bite." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Your company's getting audited?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Nothing! Three bad days, then it's over. Come on! I'm... I'm anxious to hear what you think. I see it growing on ya. It's like Maxine when she first tried it. You know, she..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't like it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You probably didn't get all... Gloria : Jay, I try it. I don't like it. Jay : That's all you can say?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It tastes bad in my mouth. It's like a fish and a Turkey beat themselves to death with a pepper." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, fair enough. Maybe a little picky, though, from someone who prepared a Colombian specialty and said, \"why are you not eating the hooves? They're the best part.\"" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm back!" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, hey, Uncle Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, thanks again for picking me up last night. You're welcome, but you have to be more careful." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I was the responsible one. Lisa was drinking, and I took her keys, and then e..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I understand. My senior year, I had a pretty crazy night myself involving a bottle of corn mash and an overturned plow." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Seriously?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Honey, you don't drink coffee." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I do when I've been up half the night worrying about a project that's only one-third done, and I still have an apron to sew, scenery to paint, plus my normal crushing workload. So... Unless you have a better way for me to stimula... Oh, God. God, coffee's bitter." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That was your first sip?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, I got the chafing dish, salt and pepper shakers... perfect matches, both. I may have to readjust my grapes." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Ow. I'll just give you a little privacy. Welcome back to the light show. Hi." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hi, Lily." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Hi, daddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Lily... Sweetheart, no. No, no, no, no. We're... we're not gonna do that today." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Actually... actually, Claire, we're... we're trying not to use the word \"no\" so much. We just read a book that said children learn to rebel against that word." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So we redirect her into a new activity instead. Oh. Here... well, just watch this. Lily, sweetie, hi. It's daddy here. Would you like to listen to some music? Okay. There you go. See?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Every new generation thinks they have cracked the code on child rearing. What's the latest theory? Never say \"no.\" I say \"no\" every day in this house." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But at night, she's a \"yes\" machine." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "No." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "But do you see how she's slowly transitioning from the lights to the music?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah. Yeah, I do. It's hard to believe there was ever a time when we just said, \"stop doing that.\" Oh. The garbage disposal. Lily, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now let's redirect you into a nap, huh?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Actually, we're doing this new thing where we let her tell us when she wants to take a nap." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It's called \"being your own nap Captain.\" Come on, sweetie." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey! Hey." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Phil. Hey. Did you ring the doorbell?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, no, 'cause I have these two coffees. One is for you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Thank you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Right. How... how long have you been standing here? Are... are you... are you all right?" }, { "from": "Phi", "value": "Oh, yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "'Cause you're... you're really blinking." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I am... really... sorry... About the cold coffee." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "It's not that cold. It's lukewarm, so..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Funny story about that expression... when the kids were younger, um, we had a, uh, a wading pool... And occasionally, Luke would have an accident, and, um, Alex would scream, and we'd say, um, \"it's okay, honey, he's just making it lukewarm.\" Wow, so..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "So I gotta get going, but I-I'll see..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, wait! I'm just gonna come straight out and say it. Mitchell, you've done a wonderful job for the agency since you decided you'd help us out for just a little bit. And we couldn't ask for more, could we? I wish it didn't have to end. In fact, if it was up to me, you'd stay on forever..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Phil, Phil..." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But it is not just up to me, is it? So... I..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Phil, I saw this coming, and... and look..." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I bailed. I made an excuse and left. But I-I-I've gotta be straight with him. \"Phil, I cannot stay on with your firm forever.\" Oh! God, it's gonna crush him. Maybe I can get Claire to do it." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, that was easy!" }, { "from": "Professor", "value": "We're really proud of you, buddy. See you at the ceremony." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You're not a hero." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I put out a fire. Manny : A fire you started. Luke : Was there a fire?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Did I put it out?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "That's not..." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Answer the question." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm getting an award for it. If they gave awards for starting fires, I'd be getting one of those, too." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I know you have a conscience, Luke. Do you see this flag? It stands for Justice. So when that fire marshall gets here, I know you're going to look at that flag and do the right thing." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "You were very quiet all the way home. Are you upset at me because I honked at that old lady?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Normally, we leave the honking to the driver, but I'm used to it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Is it because of the sandwich?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, you maybe could have eaten half of it... Said a couple of nice things." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's just a sandwich, Jay." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "It's not about the delicious sandwich, Gloria. It's about being respectful of a person's feelings." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But I was just being honest." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You don't have to be honest about every little thing in a relationship. Some things you say, some things you don't." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh? What are the things that you don't say?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, I really don't wanna do this anymore." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, really? But you cannot just try to teach me a lesson, and then not even..." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Okay, fine. I don't say this, but it... bothers me a little bit that you're just a tiny bit... loud." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Loud?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Not all the time. Only when you, you know, when you talk." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "So I embarrass you?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria..." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "What? Am I being too loud again?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "All right. Buckle up." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, I'm gonna go and try to do the laundry, and I'm gonna do it very quietly so I don't bother you. Maybe Manny can help me. Manny!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I get it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Manny!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "I get it. Now you're not even making any noise." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, this is way too many grapes, and this spoon is modern day, so if we use it, everyone at the table has to react in shock at the spoon from the future. Okay." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "And that went down the drain." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "And you need a nap." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "You need a nap." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I got it. Ooh, I lost it. Shoot." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Let me know if I can eliminate any distractions for you." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, I got it. No, I got a finger on it. There it is. Oh, lost it again." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Maybe you should just wait until it comes to you. You know, make it the Captain of its own spoon platoon." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I understand the point you're making, Claire, but... Oh! Now I'm stuck." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yeah, Cam, you are stuck. You are stuck on a philosophy that clearly doesn't work. Sometimes, you need to say \"no\" to a child." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, and sometimes you need to say \"no\" to an adult. No, Claire. No, I don't need help raising my child." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. Okay. Sorry. Guess I-I do have a lot to learn. Right now, I-I'm looking forward to learning if you will get your arm out of there before Lily gets to the garbage disposal switch." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um... Lily, sweetie! C-can you do something, please, Claire?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I would like to. Really, I would, but I would probably just say \"no\" and shred her confidence and mangle her self-esteem." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, fine! I'm sorry! Just... here. Stop her! Stop her! Sweetie!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What to do with you?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Claire! Okay!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ohh! Yes!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You think that's funny, don't ya?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes. Well, it's wicked, Claire. It's wicked. Come on. We're leaving, Lily! Lily!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "It's living art. We stay perfectly still for 90 seconds, basically doing nothing." }, { "from": "Skip", "value": "Sounds like my first wife." }, { "from": "Matt", "value": "I don't know. She always moved for me." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "As long as you both agree it was only 90 seconds. Two nerds with one stone! I love working in an office." }, { "from": "Matt", "value": "Is that your brother-in-law? I thought you fired him." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I did, before work." }, { "from": "Skip", "value": "Then what's he doing here?" }, { "from": "Matt", "value": "Is he disgruntled? He looks disgruntled." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "No, he always looks like that. Hey. How's it going?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, hey. Listen... Okay, I know this is uncomfortable... but we really need to talk about my future here." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "But I-I-I thought we..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, I know. I know I led you to believe that I'd be able to stay on here indefinitely, and... and... O-okay, don't get all blinky." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No, it's not all bad news, okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You will have me until July, like we agreed." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, great." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, could you jump on the elevator with me real quick? Yes. Yes. I could use a hand carrying up some stuff from my car. Oh! My goodness. I probably need some empty boxes, don't I? You know what? You head down, I'll meet you at the glass doors. There was something else. What was it? I know it's in there. Oh, yeah, you're fired." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What? F-fired?! W-what's going on with these things? You trying to open 'em?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mm-hmm. I guess I better... get somebody." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... you're firing me? I-I don't even like this job." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "That can't be safe." }, { "from": "Realtor #1", "value": "Is someone trapped in there?" }, { "from": "Realtor #2", "value": "The guy they fired. Realtor #1 : Oh, the lazy guy? Mitchell : Lazy?!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "You handed in a couple of things late. I should have warned you. I'm terrible at breaking bad news." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, then why did you come over to my house and tell me how great I was?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That was me trying to fire you! I haven't felt like this since I tried to break up with Claire 20 years ago." }, { "from": "Realtor #3", "value": "Someone's stuck again?" }, { "from": "Realtor #1", "value": "That lawyer with the attitude they just fired." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "They said it was your attitude, like you were doing us a favor." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was doing you a favor!" }, { "from": "Realtor #3", "value": "Why didn't he get the stairs like everyone else?" }, { "from": "Realtor #2", "value": "Lazy." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Don't worry, he can't get you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "You guys nailed it. Dude, that was surreal. Get it?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Dad, come on! We have a minute to set up! Where are Mitchell and Cam?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Hey, Manny. Thanks for what you said before about the flag. It really got me thinking." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I knew you had a conscience, Luke. And more importantly, you've got a good... You didn't." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yep. And thanks to you, I had them move the ceremony to right under the flag. I'll sign a picture for you." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, there you are. I was afraid you weren't coming." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It was a discussion." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "If we weren't gonna show up, we would have clearly let you know, and not humiliated you in public." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "If it's any consolation, the lawyer we hired to replace you is already suing the elevator company." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Ow. You're sitting on my hand." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Be thankful you have two. I almost lost one today." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, stop being such a baby. She was nowhere near that switch." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Shh! Keep your voices down. We're about to go on." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Why you looking at me? Am I too loud? Is that what everybody thinks?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There's a backstory here you don't wanna know about." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I want turkey." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Save your appetite, baby girl. And don't forget, afterwards, we're going to Lenny's for a bite to eat... more than a bite if you value my feelings." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Great, we get to see Maxine. Gloria : What? You know Maxine, too? Mitchell : Oh, we all know Maxine. Love." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Second-best hugger in the world, after Mr. Burt Reynolds. Story to follow." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "All right, guys, this will all be over in 90 seconds. Hold your poses." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I really wanna impress Mr. Gorgeous. Jarvis! Shut up." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, Mitch, I know this isn't a good time, I-I just want you to know, I'm really..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I know, Phil. You're really sorry, okay? But this is gonna take me a little time to get over, all right?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Actually, I was gonna say I'm really gonna need your parking pass." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Woman", "value": "Our next stage presentation will be Alex Dunphy's interpretation of Norman Rockwell's 1943 painting \"Freedom from want.\"" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "How do you sleep at night, Luke?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "With a medal around my neck." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Shh!" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I want Turkey." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Lily, no!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "She doesn't understand that word." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Cram it, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Control your child, Cam. It's not that difficult. I've raised three." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Why don't you ask Haley what time she got home last night?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Uncle Cam!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Sorry, dear. Collateral damage." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is he talking about?" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Shh!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Your arms are shaking." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, yeah, I'm sure that the great Maxine can do a better job!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You can criticize my parenting all you like, Cam, but my son just won a medal." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "For a fire he started. Claire ! Luke, is that true?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "How long? It's getting heavy!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You're not getting that parking pass back." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I tried to let you down easy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You don't know how to talk to people, Phil. It's just like when Claire didn't even know you dumped her." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "When did dad dump you?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I didn't dumpped her! I just tried to!" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I am losing it!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Just a few more seconds!" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I want turkey. All : Lily, no!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We really are trying to not say that word." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "B-minus, but there was a silver lining. \"I expected more, Alex.\" Alex!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "I am gonna call Haley and tell her we're not going to that deli. I can't take another minute of Cam." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "You know, I'm not even sure I believe all these new parenting theories, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let her tell me they're wrong." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "We are not going to dinner." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I tried that sandwich. It's not that good. You're not missing anything." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I sure won't miss seeing Luke and that stupid medal. I play by the rules. Where's my medal?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay can stay with that Maxine. She's not loud like me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "In fairness, you can be a little quick to give advice." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, I'm always ready to help, if that's what you mean, yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, but if you're not careful, it can come off a little... Know-it-all-y." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "That's not a word. What you mean to say is, it can come off like I know it all. I've always been this way." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's why I wanted to break up with you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "The word \"fired\" doesn't even apply. You can't get fired from a favor." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, sweetie, maybe you should just let it go. Like I always say, it's better to carry a tune than a grudge." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, you... You've never said that, but... And... and what about this grudge you're holding against Claire? I don't see you trading that in for a tune." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That is completely different. She insulted my parenting skills. Mitchell : Which, you have to admit, you can be pretty defensive about. Cameron : Okay, so maybe we both can be a little sensitive." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "N-no. No. Mnh-mnh. No. These... these are... these are not equal. No, you have no idea what it feels like to be fired." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yes, I do. I've been fired. Everyone has." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Not me." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Never?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "No. Nope, I've always been very good at what I do." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So then maybe what you're feeling is a little insecure about your work for the first time." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's hogwash." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "As someone who's seen actual hogwash, I can assure you that it's not." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "I don't know why you're so bothered by Maxine. She's nice." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Oh, good! Why don't you, Jay, and Maxine live together, eating sandwiches forever?!" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Can I float a theory here, mom? You sound like you're jealous." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Please! Me jealous of that woman? I just don't like the way they talk to each other! And the little jokes, and she knows everything about his life! Just makes me feel like, em... Is that jealous? Ay, my poor sisters." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "Just you? I thought the whole family was swinging by." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Who knows what they're doing? Right now, they're all sniping at each other." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "Ah, who needs 'em?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Right. As long as I have you, Maxine..." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "I'm off in five. Hey, Luke! What's with all the hardware?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Well, he set fire to a school and lied about it." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know they give medals for anything these days." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It's going back tomorrow. He doesn't get a lot of medals." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I just really need one of these. Hey. Don't hold back." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "Oh!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "My girls. There they are." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Hey, Cam. Come on in!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I, uh, I appreciate your coming. And, again, I really, really... thank you." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "There she is." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "Well, look who made it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Hola, Maxine. So nice to see you." }, { "from": "Maxine", "value": "Let me get you some menus." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "We don't need it. It's Jay Pritchetts all around!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Gloria, if you want your sandwich without anchovies, I won't be offended." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Aw. Of course, then it'll be a Jack Feldman." } ] }, { "id": "episode_23_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Mitchell : Hmm? Phil : Hey, man." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Is the repair guy here?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "He's working on it. Um, listen, uh, it's Katie's birthday, skip's assistant. Big 3-0. Still no ring." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "You woke me up to tell me that? Phil : No, no. I-I grabbed you some cake. Mitchell : Oh, sure it's not for employees only? Phil : Okay. Had that coming." }, { "from": "Realtor #2", "value": "Who are you talking to, Phil?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mitchell." }, { "from": "Realtor #2", "value": "Who?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Mitchell, my br... uh, the lazy guy." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was doing you a favor. All right, just give me the cake. I'm hungry. No! Oh." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_0", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "One, two, three, four. And skip, two, three, four. And turn, two, three, four." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I don't like this part." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Well, honey, if you spot the wall, then you won't get dizzy. Here, watch daddy, okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "How cool would it be if you turned into wonder woman right now?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Can't even talk about it. Mitchell : Oh, it's the adoption agency. Cameron : Oh, my gosh. It is?! It is?! It is?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, you need to stop doing that. Last time, they were just calling to confirm our billing address. Hello? Uh-huh." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"Uh-huh\" what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yep. Really?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "\"Really\" what?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That... that mother from Calexico, she picked us." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She did?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh-huh. She... she went into early labor. She's having the baby today." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "She is?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Uh-huh. We have to go to Calexico right now." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We do?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just assume everything I say is the truth." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, yeah." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay. Oh, okay, yes. Well, thank you so much. Okay, bye. Um... we're getting a baby today." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Ohh!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Wait, wait, wait. What do we do about Lily's recital?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Um... well, you know what? We'll... we'll just sit her down. We'll... we'll tell her. We'll... We'll give her a popsicle. She'll be fine." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_1", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Yeah, l..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "We have to do this." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Okay, okay. Yeah, you're right um, all right, I'm gonna go dig up the old car seat. And listen, let's just... Take a deep breath before we tell anyone, okay?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_2", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Jay! Manny! Good news! Mitch and Cam are getting a new baby today!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Really? That's fantastic." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And it's Latino!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "How's that giant fence working out for ya?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's Claire. Hello? Did you hear?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_3", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hey, Claire." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You are driving to some California border town to adopt a baby, and I have to hear about it from Gloria?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I was outside for two minutes." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I kept it in as long as I could. We're having a baby!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_4", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh, ho ho ho!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "What the heck is that?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "We're back. We got Alex the cutest prom dress. Show your dad." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey. Well, I don't like how far down that zipper goes, but on the plus side, it looks water-resistant." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I can't believe Haley's not going to the prom and Alex is." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's that supposed to mean?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_5", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "I know I keep saying it, Haley, but you should be going. It's a major moment in a teenager's life, and you're missing it." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Proms are lame. It's just an excuse for dressed up dorks to ride in limos and hump each other." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay. Now I don't like the idea of Alex going." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Sweetie, I think we're fine. It's... it's Alex." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "What's that supposed to mean?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "It means you're a geek." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "You know what? You know what? I might just go crazy tonight and... and... and hook up all over him." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm. Okay." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Why are you laughing? That's not funny. I'm not even gonna wear my glasses!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I feel better now." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "All right, I'm going to the mall." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, we need to talk, honey. We're worried about you. You haven't heard back from the college that wait-listed you, and all the rest of your friends have. And now you're just wasting time at the mall." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "For your information, I've already filled out and dropped off my community college application. And plus also I'm going to the mall because I have a job interview." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "My guidance counselor suggested I take a gap year. You know, a year between high school and college were you take some courses, have some life experiences, and get inspired. And obviously, work at the GAP." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_6", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "The first step in plane building... Organize the parts. You got your power plant. You got your fuselage. You got your control surfaces. What's that?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "A charcuterie. You got your prosciutto, your pancetta, your salami." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_7", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "That's charcuterie? I've been avoiding that on menus for years. They're killing themselves with that name." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "They're here! They're here!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi! Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you. Thank you." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Of course." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, so her recital's at 6:00. That's the address. Here's her outfit. This is our camcorder. Get the whole show and some backstage color." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Guys, you wanna take our charcuterie for the road?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Bup, bup, bup, bup. They're good. We may need that." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hello? Yeah, um... H-hold on one second, I think it's the baby's family. They're speaking Spanish. I..." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Hola, soy Cameron. ¿Cómo está? Uh, b... Excuse me. Could you s... Could you slow down just a little bit? What does frenético mean?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "It's when..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Or just let her do it. Yeah. There you go. Gloria : Okay. Hello? Sí, sí. Yo los puedo ayudar... Cameron : I was doing fine." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "He thinks he's some sort of an expert because for the past two weeks, he's been watching this ridiculous Spanish soap opera." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "\"Fire And Ice\"? Don't say a word about the ending of last night's episode. G-Gloria watches that. You'll ruin it." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Sí. Van a estar esperando su llamada, muchísimas gracias. It was the mother's sister Juanita. She said that she doesn't know the exact hospital yet, but that she will call you, like, in the next hour." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh, thank you, Gloria. I-I hate to ask this of you, but would you mind coming with us? We need someone who actually knows how to speak Spanish." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Frío. Muy frío." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, yes, of course! I would love to! Thank you! Thank you! I'm gonna grab my stuff, and we go, okay?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "All right, sweetheart. All right, come here. Daddies gotta go, okay? All right." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_8", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Okay, we're so sorry we're missing your recital, sweetie. But you know what? You're getting a brand-new baby brother!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam, come on. Come on." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mwah! Okay. All right, breathe, breathe, breathe." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ciao, Jay! Ciao, Manny! I see you later, okay?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "What just happened here? Lily : I have to go to the bathroom. Manny : She's talking to you." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You wanna take that?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_9", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Always keep the rhythm in your feet. Then we're gonna add just a little party in the shoulders. All right? Now let's get those arms going. No, no, no. Arms down here says, \"I'm white and I'm sorry,\" but arms up here says, \"You don't know what I am.\"" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "I-I don't." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "You're never gonna believe it! You're never gonna believe it! You're never gonna believe it! Guess who got a job! I did! Oh, shoot. I just told you." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh! Honey, congratulations!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's amazing!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You got a job! And what is all this?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "I stopped by the grocery store to get some stuff for dinner." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You know where the grocery store is?" }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Yes, mother. I'm celebrating by making dinner for me and Dylan tonight. Would you and dad like to join us?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What's happening?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I don't know." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_10", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Tonight at dinner, I'm telling my parents the biggest news of all. After graduation, I'm moving in with someone." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "And his name is me." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_11", "conversations": [ { "from": "Lily", "value": "Watch me dance." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, you don't need to practice anymore. The turning, the jumping, the little bird thing... You've got it." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "What's this?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Sweetie, please don't play with the pieces. I've told you, they're very delicate." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "What are you building?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "It's a model of a plane that was built for Amelia Earhart." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because she wanted to fly around the world." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Because she problem needed to get away from her kids." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Why?" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "You know how to stop this?" }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "I'm on it. Lily, we really need you to let us concentrate for a few minutes, okay?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Your hair is weird." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "Um, now I'm flustered." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_12", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, you look adorable!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "\"Adorable\"? I'm not a puppy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, honey, it was meant as a compliment. Phil : Claire, I got this. Honey, you look super sexy. Alex : Ew." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, we tried everything." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, good-bye!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Wait! Wait, wait! We wanna meet this Casanova." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Oh, no, parents aren't really his scene." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Alex, open the door. We are going to get a picture." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Fine." }, { "from": "Michael", "value": "You... look... flawless." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_13", "conversations": [ { "from": "Alex", "value": "Thanks." }, { "from": "Michael", "value": "Did I not say coral was the color for you? Look what it does for your skin. Hi!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hi, buddy." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Hi." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_14", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, say \"cheese\"!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Cheese." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, now one with flash." }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Cheese." }, { "from": "Michael", "value": "Cheese!" }, { "from": "Alex", "value": "Okay, I think you got the picture." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, you guys have fun." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Do you want me to touch up your hair, honey?" }, { "from": "Michael", "value": "Oh, no, I'm good." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_15", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, please stop driving the car like a snake. It's making me nauseating." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Well, uh, if you want to switch places, there's plenty of room to stretch out back here." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, that's why we traded our old prius in for the new one. You know, bigger family, bigger backseat. You can fit two car seats and a prize- winning pig back there." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Please don't put a pig in the backseat with our children." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm not being literal. It's a unit of measurement we used on the farm. You know, like, \"that bed's a double-pigger.\" Oh, uh, sorry. Maybe think about something else. You know, I missed \"Fire And Ice\" on Monday. What happened?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "My guess is a bunch of ridiculous plot turns done by overwrought actors who are impossibly good-looking." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_16", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Don't listen to him." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Nothing, really. Antonio hired a hooker to marry his father so that he can get back the money, but the hooker ended up being his long lost sister, the former beauty queen." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh. Well, I stand uncorrected." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, please just drive straighter." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, sorry. Are my pinkies up again? I... They do that when I get excited. Down, girls!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_17", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Well, Alex should be hitting the dance floor right about now. Must be fun." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Really, dad, let it go." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm just sad you're missing it. I can still totally picture my prom night. My date was Angela Wilkins. My dad dressed as a limo driver and spoke with a British accent. He even announced our arrival. \"Sir Philliam Dunphy and the Lady Wilkins!\"" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ahem." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "All the cool kids were totally laughing with us." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, I'm just so glad we met after that." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Me, too. Wonder what ever happened to Angela?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "You don't know?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "I haven't seen her in over 20 years, but that's what's special about prom. No matter what... The Lady Wilkins and I will always have that night." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Wow. Hmm." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Oh, no, no, no! We got this. We'll clean." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Oh. Uh..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh. You're cleaning up? What kind of day is this? Cam and Mitch get a new son, we get a new daughter." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That was really fun, you guys." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah, and next time, we'll just do it at our place." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I'm in. Just give me a heads-up." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "\"Our place\"?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_18", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "Um, well, since I have a job now and I'm going to community college, uh, Dylan and I were thinking that, you know, we would get an apartment together." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Are you doing sex?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Luke, can we have a minute, please?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um..." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Listen... I know that you're concerned, but I'm designing t-shirts now, and they're gonna be huge. Also medium and small." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Dylan, would you excuse us for a moment so we can talk to Haley?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Sure, but you stay. I'll go." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_19", "conversations": [ { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi. Uh, uh, buenos noches. Uh, uh, we're looking for... Uh, English? Uh, well, Juanita. We're looking for Juanita." }, { "from": "Juanita", "value": "¡Hola!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Hi." }, { "from": "Juanita", "value": "Mitchelly Cameron?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ah, she says, \"Hello, Mitch and Cameron.\"" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I think we got that." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, you brought me here." }, { "from": "Juanita", "value": "El bebé nació hace media hora y se encuentra perfectamente de salud. Siete libras con cuatro onzas. Es hermoso, tiene el pelo grueso y los ojos grandes y cafecitos." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, ¡qué bueno! Did you get that, too?" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Yeah, a lot of it. Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Just... Just tell us." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "The baby was born half-hour ago, that he's in perfect health. He was 7 pounds, 4 ounces, with thick hair and brown eyes." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "That's so good!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "So good." }, { "from": "Padre", "value": "Juanita!" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_20", "conversations": [ { "from": "Juanita", "value": "Padre. ¿qué hace usted acá?" }, { "from": "Padre", "value": "Ven acá. Vengo con un serio aviso, mi niña." }, { "from": "Juanita", "value": "Perdone." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Gloria, what's going on?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I don't know. The priest comes with great warning." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "That can't be good." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Shh! Something about the grandmother. She's sick." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Ohh." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "But now she's better." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "And now she knows!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Knows what?" }, { "from": "Juanita", "value": "Tú. Tú hiciste esto. Tú le dijiste a mi abuela acerca del bebé." }, { "from": "Nurse", "value": "¿Por qué haría yo tal cosa?" }, { "from": "Juanita", "value": "Porque Carlos me escogió a mí... en vez de a ti como su amante." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "What was that for?!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "The nurse stole her grandmother's almonds." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "No, the nurse is mad at Juanita because Juanita stole her lover, and Juanita is mad at the nurse because the nurse told the grandmother about the baby!" }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Our baby?" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Our baby?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_21", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "We're both thinking it. I'm just gonna say it. Lily's dance is not up to the standard of what we just saw." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "In my head, I'm golfing right now." }, { "from": "Dance Teacher", "value": "Hi, Mr. Pritchett? I'm Lily's dance teacher Lucy. We have a little bit of an issue. Lily doesn't want to perform." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Oh, the poor thing. You get the kid, I'll get the car." }, { "from": "Dance Teacher", "value": "Oh, no. It's really important for Lily's self-esteem that she go on. I think one of you should talk to her." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_22", "conversations": [ { "from": "Manny", "value": "You know she stinks, right?" }, { "from": "Dance Teacher", "value": "And I think it should be you." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_23", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "Lily. Your teacher tells me you don't want to dance. Is that true? But you were so good back at the house when you were practicing." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "I wanna go home, to my house!" }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Ah, to your house, huh? Are you sad your dads aren't here? Yeah. Well, I know they're sad to miss this, but they're getting you that baby brother. That's good, right? You know, honey, your dads are gonna love you just as much when you get this brother. Trust me. I first had your aunt Claire, and then your dad came along, and I loved them just the same, no matter what he tells you. You believe me? Close enough. So what do you say? You gonna go out there and dance for everybody?" }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "Honey, there must be something I can do to get you out there." }, { "from": "Lily", "value": "Come dance with me, grandpa." }, { "from": "Jay", "value": "No, honey, that's not gonna happen. How about I give you 50 bucks?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_24", "conversations": [ { "from": "Haley", "value": "I don't see why I can't do this. I'm totally getting my life together." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Uh, allow me, if you will, to paint an accurate picture of this life you think you want, okay?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Um, at first, it's a blast, buying a dish rack, hanging a sheet up to turn one room into two." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Allen-wrenching a bookcase called a Nurnk..." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Because you couldn't afford the Sklurg." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "But then... Then those bills start rollingin... So you gotta pick up some extra shifts. Yeah. And suddenly... Uh-oh, what's that? You're pregnant." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Should've been safe." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Ooh, and you're stressed and exhausted. You've got a garage filled with unsold huge t-shirts. And, honey, if you think this kind of stress is not" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_25", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good one." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm-hmm." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_26", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Do you think that this is gonna work out?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Yes. Well, for my parents, I mean. For you? No." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "God. I just wanna live with Haley so bad. It's like, I missed all this time with her in Wyoming. Then I thought I was gonna lose her again to college." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Don't worry. I got your back, buddy. That's not gonna happen." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "What does that mean?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Dylan, shut the door. The bedroom door." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_27", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Excuse me. Excuse me. Okay. We're very confused. Can somebody please just tell us what's happening?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Somebody told the grandmother about the baby, and she wasn't supposed to know. If you ask me, it was the sexy priest." }, { "from": "Eduardo", "value": "Enough! It wasn't the priest. It was me." }, { "from": "Nurse", "value": "Eduardo! Oh!" }, { "from": "Juanita", "value": "Ay! Ay!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Oh! What's happening?" }, { "from": "Eduardo", "value": "Yes, I am alive. And I may be just a ranch hand, but I'm the one that told your abuela about the baby. I told her because I swore to your mother to look after your family. Your mother... Was my lover." }, { "from": "Juanita", "value": "¿qué?" }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "Ay, wait a minute. Now I go from English to Spanish. Que él no está muerto..." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "C-can we please just see our baby?" }, { "from": "Abuela", "value": "No!" }, { "from": "All", "value": "¿Abuela?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_28", "conversations": [ { "from": "Abuela", "value": "¿Cómo te atreves a ocultar esto de mí? El bebé es mi familia, y no va a ser educado por extraños." }, { "from": "Gloria", "value": "She's saying that she's going to raise the baby." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "No." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Cam." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_29", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Guess what? Suddenly, you're 60 years old, wandering toothless and alone in a postapocalyptic wasteland." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Wait a second. How did Dylan get the nuclear codes again?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "During the robot wars." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Okay, I think your father might have gotten a little bit off-track here. Honey, listen, the point is, the choices you make today..." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "No, no, the point is, is that it doesn't have to turn out so bad." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "She's right. It doesn't. Luke?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "This came yesterday." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "What is it?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "It's from that college. You got in, Haley. Claire : Oh, d... Oh, my God.P You got into college? Phil : What?!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Aah!" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "That's amazing!" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "It came yest... Yesterday? Luke, why were you hiding this?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't know." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Do you not want her to go to college?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "I don't care." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Aw! You're gonna miss me!" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Shut up! I am not! I'm never telling you anything again." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Sorry, little dude, but she's gotta go to college, even if that means that she can't live with me." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh, Dylan." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_30", "conversations": [ { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Could you do one thing for me, though? Could you take me to your prom?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Yeah. I mean, if you go off to college and you don't come back here, I want you to remember me. I wanna be your Angela Wilkins." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Oh." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Mom?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Yes." }, { "from": "Haley", "value": "Can I borrow that purple dress I said you were too old for?" }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "Mm, in spite of that, yeah. Yeah." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Hey, buddy." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Mr. D. Do you have a tuxedo I could borrow?" }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Yeah, sure. I mean, it's the tux I got married in, so it's double-breasted." }, { "from": "Dylan", "value": "Perfect. So am I." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_31", "conversations": [ { "from": "Gloria", "value": "I'm going to get something for my stomach." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Oh, come on, swipe. Swipe! M-Mitchell, I need your help. It won't swipe, and I'm in no condition to \"see cashier.\" Mitchell. Mitchell. Mitchell? Mitch--Mitchell! Where are you going?!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I'm just sick of it, Cam." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Mitchell. Mitchell, come back here and talk to me. There are coyotes out here and... and meth addicts!" }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Every time, Cam. Every time someone says that we're getting a-a baby, I get my hopes up and then... And then when it all falls apart, I... We just have to go through the whole thing again. And then meanwhile, the child that we do have is... is at a recital, and... and we're missing it." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I know. I'm as frustrated as you are." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Are you? Because I-I don't... I don't know how much more of this I can take. I am... I am so tired and... and just disappointed. And... I'm just tired." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "Then let's take a break." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "Really?" } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_32", "conversations": [ { "from": "Cameron", "value": "It must be exhausting, always keeping it together for the both of us. And I'm tired, too." }, { "from": "Mitchell", "value": "I think I'm lying on a rock." }, { "from": "Cameron", "value": "I'm lying next to my rock." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_33", "conversations": [ { "from": "Claire", "value": "Bye, sweetie." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Have fun, man." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_34", "conversations": [ { "from": "Jay", "value": "She's asleep. I tell you, kid, I'm too old for this." }, { "from": "Manny", "value": "You and me both." } ] }, { "id": "episode_24_chunk_35", "conversations": [ { "from": "Phil", "value": "Okay, Luke, let's see what else you've been hiding from us." }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Okay, fine. Here's a bill for the birdhouse I blew up at the Dude Ranch." }, { "from": "Claire", "value": "You blew up a birdhouse?" }, { "from": "Luke", "value": "Let's hold all questions until the end. Here's dad's jury duty thing for the day we went to Disneyland. I didn't want you to cancel the trip." }, { "from": "Phil", "value": "Good call." } ] } ]