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ynqsry

I Am not the OP, the original post is on [**r/TrueOffMyChest**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) by u/honeyed-spice **Original Post** (made 14 days ago 23/10/22) [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ybxnt7/soon\_everyone\_will\_know\_hes\_been\_messing\_with\_his/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ybxnt7/soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been_messing_with_his/) For a little while I’ve suspected my husband of cheating. I didn’t have any justification for thinking or feeling this way but I couldn’t stop having this gut feeling that something was wrong. So I decided to keep a closer eye on him and I still found nothing. And for a longtime I was angry with myself for suspecting him and for invading his privacy. We went to marriage counselling and I apologized for breaking his trust in me and for a little while all was well. (I can’t believe I apologized to that lying sack of shit). But that wretched feeling never went away. I tried so hard to get over this feeling that he was deceiving me in some way and I just couldn’t. So I decided it was time to hire a private investigator instead of playing inspector gadget myself. Let me tell you this was the best thing I ever spent money on. Within a month the P.I was able to confirm my suspicions but it was a shock to find out that it was his stepsister and his stepmother. Not only that he may be the father of his stepsisters newborn baby. I could’ve killed him but I kept my composure and I kept this information to myself and continued to act as normal as possible. Believe me that was a very difficult thing to do. I slowly started detaching from him and even moved into our spare bedroom and we continued to drift apart. I moved out,got a new job and started saving money for our divorce. I got my life in order. Now here we are almost year later and in the final stages of our divorce and I’ve still not told anyone. I’ve spent the last year preparing for our divorce because I’ll be damned to leave this marriage empty handed. I wanted to handle our financial affairs first because my husband works for his father and I didn’t want to leave him unemployed during our divorce process! This son of a cunt dragged out our divorce and fought me for everything even things that were mine to begin with but I kept my calm and I won’t say a word until I get everything I deserve. That’s when I’ll tell his father. And his father is not a man to be messed with. I’ve been assured the cheque will clear in 3 days (or less)and it’s over for Robert cause as soon as that money hits my account his mother,stepmother, stepsister,brother-in-law and father will receive a beautifully written email with pictures and videos of what he has been up to. His dad will tear him apart! COUNT YOUR DAYS ROBERT! Edit 1: I got my money! Time to send it. Edit 2: His stepmother and stepsister do not know about each other. I don’t know how long he has been sexually involved with them but I do know it started in adulthood for all involved. **Update Post** (made 8 days ago 23/10/22) [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ygm5y8/following\_up\_on\_soon\_everyone\_will\_know\_hes\_been/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ygm5y8/following_up_on_soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Can’t seem to access my original account. So here I am. Let’s clear some things up! When Robert’s father remarried, Robert was already a 30 year old man. So no he wasn’t sexually groomed! And his stepsister was 31 when she met him. Again no one here is being sexually abused! All involved were already well into adulthood when meeting and when they started to fuck around. As for the money well honey that’s money he owed me but was being a dick about giving it back. I invested in his business ventures and he refused to pay me my share! And that’s not shit I was willing to let slide! You can’t get a broke man to pay his debt. So fuck yes I wasn’t going to let him be unemployed during our divorce. THE AFTERMATH— I sent the email as soon as I saw the money had hit my account. The first to call me was Robert and I picked up. First words out of his mouth was- YOU EVIL ASS BITCH! I replied with- YOUR MOMMA. And I ended the call! The second person to call me is stepsisters husband. He was just heartbroken. He asked me a ton of questions and he asked for my divorce lawyers information. We also discussed him getting a DNA test for all their kids. Through brother-in-law I found out that there was a all out war between stepmother and father-in-law. He tried to kick her out but she locked herself up in the bedroom. While father-in-law was throwing her shit outside stepmother-in-law called her daughter for help. At some point stepsister and stepmother got in a fight. The fight was so bad that the neighbors called the police. In the scuffle to separate mother and daughter they hurt one of the police officers and were arrested. They are still in jail because neither of them have anyone willing to bail them out. The following day I got a call from Robert telling me that his daddy almost ran him over. So he wanted to come stay with me because he’s scared that his daddy or brother-in-law will try to beat his ass again. Robert is scared to go home. His dad and brother-in-law are pretty much camped outside of his place and have already jumped him twice. Robert is terrified. He tried to stay with his mother and she told him that he had made his bed and should now lie in it. FYI I am not done with Robert yet. I’ve got more planned for him! Marked as ongoing because it's obvious OP is not finished with Robert yet.

Soon everyone will know he’s been messing with his stepmother and stepsister

ONGOING

Screaming-Harpy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ynqsry/soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been_messing_with_his/

ynrqpp

*Reminder, I am not the OP. This is a repost.* Trigger warning: >!bullying, homophobia!< [Original post from August 21, 2022 - AITA for bailing on my brother's wedding last minute?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtyu3a/aita_for_bailing_on_my_brothers_wedding_last/) I [29F] have been working as a wedding planner for about 6 years now. Last year, my brother (B) [29M] has asked me to plan his wedding for him, and as his sister I was happy to do so for free. Everything was going pretty well until maybe a week and a half before the wedding, when B told me to remove our little brother (J) [24M] from the guest list. I tried asking him why but the only answer he would give me is that J was "being stubborn and selfish". Of course, I had to ask J about this, apparently B showed up at his apartment and offered to "let J attend the wedding as long as he doesn't act so gay". J of course took offense to that and told B to fuck off, probably leading him to calling me and uninviting him. B has always been harsh to J, he's the type of manly man that despises anything feminine, so when J came out to us B's bullying got worse and worse, leading to there being a pretty big rift between them. I've been trying to get the two of them to work out their differences but B won't even try and hear out what J has to say to him. I decided that uninviting J to the wedding was the last straw and that I'm not gonna keep helping B if he's gonna continue to act like an asshole to our own little brother. So I sent B all the info for everything I planned at that point, the contacts for the venue, the catering, decorations, everything. Then I told him that if he's gonna keep treating J like shit then he should plan his own wedding because I'm not going to. B told everyone that I bailed on him last second, and that the wedding would have to be postponed because of me. As you'd expect, people were mad, relatives were bombarding me about how important this would be for B, and how I'm ruining an important milestone in his and his girlfriend's life. When I tried to explain myself I got people telling me that I shouldn't have done something so drastic over a petty squabble between brothers. AITA? **Verdict: NTA** *Mini-update provided by OOP in an edit to their original post.* Update: It's been about 5 days since B told our family I bailed on him, and a few new things have popped up. Mainly, B's fiancee has told everyone that it was her who decided to postpone the wedding, and it's not because they couldn't finish planning. She said that "this current situation with J has brought up some past issues in their relationship" and that she needs more time to talk to B about it and reflect before fully commiting to marrying him. One of the few times I've ever seen B express vulnerability is with his fiancee, I'm hoping that she can be the one to talk some sense back into him, and hopefully even talk through his hatred of J. I've seen some comments say that B coming to J's apartment to invite him shows that B really does care about him being there, I thought I should at least tell J that, even if it may be untrue. His response was "appreciate the sentiment, but B has never given me any incentive to be a part of his life. If he really did care about me then his invite wouldn't be attached to an insult but instead to an apology " [Update from Oct 30, 2022.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yhdpk9/update_aita_for_bailing_on_my_brothers_wedding/) After B's fiancee's (G) [29F] announcement, the drama died down a bit. I was a little concerned because both her and B were completely silent for a good month, no texts, no calls, it was like they disappeared. During this time I took the advice of some commenters and apologized to my J for trying to force a better relationship between him and B, and for brushing off the bullying that B put him through. He said that he forgives me, but I still want to work on being a better sister. A few weeks ago I got a message from G asking if we could meet at a restaurant and if I could bring J with me. I asked why, especially after all the silence, and she told me that her and B wanted to talk. I informed J about this, I wanted to know what was going on so I was gonna go, but I told him that he didn't have to go with me if he didn't want to. He told me that he thinks he'll be able to handle it, and if B still treats him the same he'll just leave. Me and J went together, when we got there I could sense that B was feeling nervous. He looked like he was about to cry. Me and G started the conversation with just catching up with each other on what's been happening since we last met. At some point though, B cracked, he took a deep breath and looked at G. B started a speech about how we grew up and my mind was racing trying to figure out where this was going, until suddenly I just heard the words "I'm bisexual" and everything cleared up. B went on to talk about how he's felt he needed to hide this his whole life, he was envious towards J for being able to express himself so openly, which led him to start bullying J and pushing him deeper and deeper into the closet. It ended with him apologizing to J and asking for forgiveness. J was quiet for this whole talk until he felt it was his turn to speak. He said "B, I hear you, I know where you're coming from, I understand where you're coming from but none of that excuses the shit you've put me through since we were teens. I can and will try to forgive you, but it's going to take a lot of effort on your end" The rest of the night was a bit of a blur for me (there was alcohol involved) but I do recall B and J cry-hugging by the end, which I was very glad to see. J says that there's still a bit of awkwardness between the two of them, but with time he thinks he might just see B as his nice older brother again. As for the wedding, it's back on but with an undecided date as of right now, and yes J is going to be allowed in this time, he can even bring his boyfriend along with him. B's even decided to have J be a groomsman and told him "you can act as gay as you want J", which I don't think is the best thing to say but I like the sentiment. *Reminder, I am not OOP. This is a repost.*

OOP bails on their brother's wedding at the last minute.

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justathoughtfromme

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ynrqpp/oop_bails_on_their_brothers_wedding_at_the_last/

yns7wa

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AITA for taking in my sister without giving a heads up to my husband?

REPOST

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yns7wa/aita_for_taking_in_my_sister_without_giving_a/

yntwqw

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GF likes to call OOP by different name during sex.

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[deleted]

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ynu42y

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ordinary_bicycle_837 in r/amitheasshole** trigger warning: >!homophobia!< ---   [**AITA for Taking in my sister without giving heads up to my husband.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nzo6ja/aita_for_taking_in_my_sister_without_giving_heads/) - 14 June 2021 Hear me out. I was at my parent's place. I was over to help out my mom out with the garden. My younger sister is staying at home for college. It seems dad was yelling at her about something. He checked her phone and found that she is a lesbian. My mom was just watching her yell at him and backing him up. My sister was just crying. I am a pretty soft spoken person and I couldn't stop my dad from yelling but when he was done. I told her to pack her stuff and took her to my place. She is a pretty sensitive person and my parents are pretty assertive and rude sometimes. I tried to text my husband but he was in a meeting and he rarely checks his phone while he works. He was surprised to find my sister in our home. I talked him about it and his okay with it but he is upset on two counts. The first being that I didn't give him any heads up and he hates being surprised by anything and that he will have to give up his quiet room which he uses to destress after work. He just hates having things jumped on him. He knows she has to stay here for a while and it makes sense. I feel like an asshole as I should have done things a bit more calmly. I should talked to my husband before getting her out of there. I was pretty emotional during this whole thing. It was one of the worst things I have witnessed. I know much he loves his room and how great it has been to his mental health to have a place to be alone and process things. It has helped our relationship a lot. I feel like I am not prioritizing him here and I took a major decision without consulting him. Verdict: NAH   [**Update : AITA for Taking in my sister without giving heads up to my husband.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pkbne2/update_aita_for_taking_in_my_sister_without/) - 8 September 2021 This is a strange update, My sister moved out ended up leaving within a month but her stay with us was illuminating in may ways, The things my sister pointed to me helped me realize that our marriage was designed to cater to all his wants and to meet bare minimum of my needs. I tried to bring this up with him, Small things which could make me feel better but he didn't want to. I suggested couple's therapy and he thought it would just a process of blame being pinned on one of us. I started therapy with my own money and he was upset that I was wasting it when I was perfectly fine. I started to paint again, something that he didn't like and he didn't scream at me he just changed his routine a little so that I had less time to paint and make a mess which he had to witness while I painted. My marriage was built around not making him sad, throughout the relationship I was the one who was responsible for his feelings and I was the one who had to set mine aside to make him happy. I got out and I am living with my sister. They had a extra room they had been looking to sublet and I took them up it. It is funny that I end in the same position that my sister started out the post in, I am not happier. I miss him and I have spend almost 9 years with him but It is liberating not to spend hours molding myself to make him happy. I am lot more calmer now. I really want to thank the commenters who planted the seed of doubts about my husband.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for taking in my sister without giving a heads up to my husband?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ynu42y/aita_for_taking_in_my_sister_without_giving_a/

ynucsy

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GF likes to call OOP by a different name during sex.

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ynucsy/gf_likes_to_call_oop_by_a_different_name_during/

ynw0p7

[removed]

The saga of Blanket Guy

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ynw0p7/the_saga_of_blanket_guy/

ynx1xj

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/amiacrazymum **in** r/AmItheAsshole   trigger warnings: >!Verbal Abuse!< mood spoilers: >!Happy!<   [**AITA for yelling at exDH's GF in front of kids?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f49nth/aita_for_yelling_at_exdhs_gf_in_front_of_kids/) \- 15th February 2020 I (38F) have got three kids (4,6,9) with ex(43M) who cheated on me with a 24yo (Now GF, she moved in two weeks after ex and I split) two years ago. We immediately divorced, and I only have the kids a couple days every other week as I work 70h/w. I finance everything in regards to the kids: extracurricular, camps, clothing, etc. I can afford it easily, so I go shopping with them, get the emails about their sports, host their parties etc. I am still very involved in my children's lives. My kids told me they don't like the new GF. They say GF is overbearing, controlling, tries to enforce affection, and mothers them. I told ex to talk to her, but he dismissed it, so I told the kids they aren't obliged to listen to her beyond house rules. Last Thursday GF picked the kids up from my place. I say goodbye to my kids, and go back inside. Five or so minutes later I'm leaving for work, and I see GF's car standing still in my driveway. I walk over and knock on the window. Me: Hey, is everything alright? Why aren't you leaving? My younger ones are in the back being quiet, but my 9yo is staring daggers at GF and there is obviously something going on between GF and 9yo (S from here on). GF: Yes everything is fine! I'm just making a point, S refuses to comply with my rule so I'm not leaving till he does. Me: S, is that true? What are you refusing to do? S: She wants me to call her mum, I told her no because you are my mum. Me, taken aback: GF, I don't believe you get to decide what my children call you. They have told you multiple times they want to call you by your name, and you need to accept that. GF: Well, I think it's important for them to have a mother's figure in their life and that they call their real family by their titles. Since you're so busy all the time *youngest ones* have even been forgetting you, so I'm just trying to give them a healthy childhood by having them at least remember having a mum. So this is where AITA comes in. I lost it. I have rarely been so angry. I didn't yell, as I never do, but I did say some pretty nasty things. I told her that she should be grateful to even be a part of my children's life, that she will never replace me as their mother because she has yet to even get them to like her, that she has got absolutely zero parental authority over my children and how dare she try to force my child to do something he's explicitly said he's uncomfortable with, to just accept her role as their father's new girlfriend and to take them to their dads. I got a phone call later from ex raging at me for disrespecting his new GF and my mum also says I could've handled it better. AITA here? edit: changed initials to avoid confusion. Thank you so much for all your responses. I am blown away. I have decided to take the appropriate steps and have scheduled a meeting with my boss to discuss working fewer hours. I had never even thought about parental alienation, but I'll be damned before I let that happen. Edit2: I've gotten a lot of comments and messages regarding custody and why I don't have 50/50 or even full. It's because I work. A lot. Less hours will still mean a min of 50, but I truly never thought about being alienated from my kids. POS ex has always been a good dad, never thought this would happen.   [**UPDATE - 1 on Parenting Subreddit**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/fgft56/my_children_dont_feel_comfortable_at_their_dads/) \- 10th March 2020 Lengthy, sorry! I (38F) have got three kids (4,6,10) with ex(43M), who I divorced almost three years ago. He almost immediately moved in his GF(24) and due to my work schedule (70h/w) the kids live with him. He was a SAHD when we were married due to his lack of career/education, and even now doesn't have the means to finance himself and the kids, so I pay for everything child-related and the mortgage as I don't want the kids to be in a situation he loses the house they grew up in. I earn above average, money is not the issue here. Recently I had some drama with GF forcing my kids to call her mum. Details in previous post, but that's the gist of it. I got angry at her, and this sparked them(mostly 10yo) sharing more information regarding their home live at their dad's. 10yo told me he regularly fights with GF/ex, is sent outside/to his room for extended periods, is being forced to empty his plate even after feeling stuffed, and apparently ex has also been telling the kids that I don't care about them because I'm not around a lot. She pushes bathing "as a family" even after 10yo told her no, and has been telling my 6yo daughter she shouldn't play in the dirt/with "boy" things. They also say GF is overbearing, controlling, enforces affection, and mothers them. I addressed things with ex, but he tells me it's no big deal and that I just don't what's normal in a classic family setting as I've always been at work. My 10yo recently asked if he could stay with me longer after I had them for the weekend and my 6yo chimed in. I agreed and they stayed an extra night and I dropped them of at school, but now they've been asking more often and it's come to the point my 10yo flat out asked to live with me. I work crazy hours and am barely at home. They'd be alone 90% of the time, and I don't want that!! Plus, I don't even know if these issues are serious enough to warrant a change in custody agreement!! I'm worried I'm spoiling them when they're at my place because I don't parent them full-time and that my view of raising kids is warped because I work so much. I feel like they need a stable family live, with parental figures who are at home at reasonable hours and have the time to regularly spend quality time with them, but I also don't want to leave them in a home environment where they don't feel comfortable! I looked into working fewer hours, but at my current position it's not possible without losing my job. Even working a different job wouldn't make me be at home more as I'd still need to finance three kids/rent/mortgage by myself as my ex absolutely cannot contribute anything! I don't know what to do? How serious are these things, should I get my kids away from this situation? He's always been a good dad to my knowledge and I'm so surprised about his passive stance in all of this. We did not divorce amicably as he cheated on me with GF, so I'm also worried I'm viewing everything they do as bad just because I personally don't like them.   [**UPDATE - 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hpcqkd/update_for_yelling_at_my_exs_gf_in_front_of_kids/) \- 11th July 2020 It's been quite a while. I wasn't planning on it, but many of you have personally messaged me asking for an update. Thank you for all the kindness and concern for my family. Early March I was phoned at work by my neighbour saying my 10yo son was at her place. He had biked in the dark to my house. He told me that he'd left because GF had punished him for not joining a family bath in a way no one should support. Of course I went home immediately. I told my boss that I was leaving for the night, and I wasn't sure if I would return the next day. After checking if my son was okay, we went to Ex's house. After arriving, GF immediately started raging at S, but I shut that down very quickly. I went inside the house to collect my children, who were awake because GF was yelling very loudly. They cried and asked to come with me, which was absolutely horrible. To come to the house of your co-parent and to hear your children beg to leave. It took something from me. I put the children in the car, locked it, and went back inside to grab their essentials. This time, Ex followed me in and tried to excuse GF. I told him that he would not be welcome anywhere near the children until they wanted him to and I trusted him again. I also told him I would be suing for full custody and that my lawyer will contact him about buying out my part of the house. Nothing he said after that is worth repeating. I came back outside to find GF attacking my car trying to get the children. Things got very nasty and many things were said. She refrained me from reaching my car and the police had to be called. The officers allowed me to leave with my kids after a brief chat. I did not return to work until early April. Because of COVID19, my children went to my parents in the country. We videochat daily, my parents say the children are flourishing, though still very shocked and traumatized by what happened. They are talking with a therapist individually. My children have also been inspected by a physician for physical trauma, of which there is no sign, thank the stars. I will be taking my ex to court soon and will likely get full custody with paying alimony. The house will be put up for sale. Ex has formally been told that GF's presence will result in me fighting for no visitation. Lastly, I did not end up losing my job. I have decided to get a professional live-in nanny and perhaps au-pair, and am looking into larger properties to accommodate everyone. The kids are very excited to come home to me in September. Thank you all very much.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - AITA for yelling at ex-husband's GF in front of kids

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raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ynx1xj/oop_aita_for_yelling_at_exhusbands_gf_in_front_of/

ynyssp

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/goflipaburger in r/legaladvice** ---   [**[DC] I have a peanut allergy and coworker refuses to accommodate me but the company has accommodated me otherwise. What do I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7p170i/dc_i_have_a_peanut_allergy_and_coworker_refuses/) - 8 January 2018 Hi all. I share an office with no windows with my coworker. We both on occasion eat lunch at our desks but he frequently brings a PB&J sandwich and I have a very bad allergy to peanuts. My blood test showed I scored a 4.5/5 on the allergy scale, or close to that, i forget the specific info on the diagnosis, but it is considered life threatening and I've been prescribed epi pens My employer sent out emails in the past few months to the entire office making them aware than an employee has a severe peanut allergy but he keeps bringing it in. I've never had to use my epi, but my lips and eyes swell and it is painful and uncomfortable. He says it's all mental but I trust my doctor and science. I hate to be dramatic and get HR involved but it is potentially life threatening and it's a bit scary, so I am considering it. What are my options? I was thinking I would tell him that neither of us can eat in the office from here on out and if he finds that unfair he should contact HR. but idk if that is also illegal. Is that fine? Thank you!   [**[UPDATE] I have a peanut allergy and coworker refuses to accommodate me but the company has accommodated me otherwise. What do I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/7p9l2n/update_i_have_a_peanut_allergy_and_coworker/) - 9 January 2018 I spoke with my coworker and he did apologize. He's agreed to eat all peanut products in the lunch room and will wash his hands before coming to our shared space. In addition to that I had the office install a wall mounted purell dispenser on the wall inside of our office at the door so I can clear my hands after opening the door. (Edit: I've also been given wet one wipes and will stick to washing hands and first line of defense, wipes as second) One concern I had expressed to him was that he believed my reactions to peanuts were mental. I told him his opinions are his own, but I need to follow my doctors orders. I didn't say this but I was worried that his opinions on allergies would lead him to "test" just how allergic I was, but from our convo I'm not worried about that anymore. Even with his opinion he saw just how anxious I am being around peanuts and agreed that it wasn't fair to me. Today my lips are really swollen so despite my precautions yesterday I somehow ingested it :| not pretty, but did help for him to see it first hand (again lol) I'm happy this was resolved inter-personally and without HR. its a huge relief. *PHEW!!* Thanks for the advice!!!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP’s coworker doesn’t believe she has a peanut allergy

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ynyssp/oops_coworker_doesnt_believe_she_has_a_peanut/

yo0qp5

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OOPs family is not keen on being witness to their wedding so she asks reddit for a hand or two

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yo0qp5/oops_family_is_not_keen_on_being_witness_to_their/

yo14mu

From u/Throw_away_6675565 **Original: October 27th, 2022** https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yf151z/my_parents_wouldnt_give_me_a_family_ring_so_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Just need to get this off my chest. My girlfriend's birthday is on Saturday and I plan on proposing to her. Our anniversary is 6 months from Saturday (April 29) and I think that would be a great day for a wedding. When my grandma died she left all kinds of jewelry to my mom. She always said if I wanted one of her rings to give to a woman in the future she would let me pick. I know my mom knows she said this. I asked my mom for one of the rings but my mom said "not yet". She and my dad said my sister will be upset if I get engaged while she is still single and not married. It's not a secret that she's desperate to get married. But that's not my problem. My sister turned 29 in March and I turned 31 last month. My parents said she'll be upset if I get married a month after her 30th birthday. So I went out today and bought a ring. It was never about money because I can afford to buy one. I thought it would be special to give my girlfriend a family ring. I'm still proposing on Saturday despite my parents forbidding me to. I'm just pissed off that they asked me to hold off until my sister is married when she isn't even in a relationship. Pisses me off but I don't want anything to spoil my girlfriend's birthday. **UPDATE: October 30th, 2022** https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yhhi1g/update_my_parents_wouldnt_give_me_a_family_ring/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button I proposed on Saturday like I originally planned to. I proposed with the ring I bought after my parents denied me one of my grandmother's rings. (As I said in my original post it wasn't about money. I could afford to buy a ring. It was about being sentimental because my grandmother always told me I could have one of her rings). I didn't do anything elaborate or public. I proposed over breakfast and she said yes. She called it the best birthday gift she's ever gotten. She had the same idea as me and had suggested we get married on April 29, our third anniversary, before I even brought it up. So that's what we are doing. We both agreed we don't anything huge or expensive so we're going to keep it small. It's 1:15pm now, about 28 hours since I proposed. When we announced the news my sister was upset just like I knew she would be and my parents were mad I didn't listen to them. I'm 31 and don't rely on my parents for money. I told my parents and sister if they are unhappy they can skip the wedding. It would suck if I didn't have any family there but I also don't want them to spoil this. I wasn't going tell my fiancée what went down but I did once my sister started melting down so she wouldn't be blindsided by any of it. She assured me she loves the ring and thinks my family is wrong. Her family had the exact opposite reaction as mine and they are all happy for us. So that's it. All is well. My fiancée is currently at work and it may sound stupid but I miss her. She told me her coworkers are happy for her and I know mine will be too when I go in later today. EDIT: I also appreciate all the supportive comments in my last post so thanks for those. ***REMINDER: I am not OP***

OP's parents wouldn't give him a family ring so he could propose to his girlfriend because OP's sister isn't married yet

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Typ0r8r

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yo14mu/ops_parents_wouldnt_give_him_a_family_ring_so_he/

yo2x75

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrajellygirl in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!sexual harassment!< ---   [**My (22f) sister (19f) keeps showing off to my bf (28m)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lem1t6/my_22f_sister_19f_keeps_showing_off_to_my_bf_28m/) - 7 February 2021 First, i've always been jealous of my sister. I work hard to keep fit and stuff but she's just naturally slim, tall, blonde and has E cup boobs. She just sits around home and eats junk food and stays super pretty, and I have to go to the gym every day and eat healthy to look half as good as her. A bit under a year ago I got a boyfriend, and he's amazing. He's, sweet, kind and smart, and also super fit and good looking (relevant because I can't imagine her seeing past that part). But the past 3 months or so she's started getting more flirty with him. At first it was just jokes and fun, joining us and spending time with us. But lately it's been more - She almost never wears a bra when he's visiting now, and always wears shirts that are practically see through - If she's wearing a loose top she’ll find reasons to bend over in front of him - If she's wearing a skirt or shorts she'll sit with her legs way open facing him so her panties are visible - will find reasons to brush past him, if she's braless shell squeeze past him closer than she needs to so her boobs are against him, or she'll wear tiny shorts and rub past (ON HER TIP TOES!) so her butt brushes his crotch Our mother denies all this. I tried talking to her a few times and shes said "It's *sisters* house, she can dress how she wants" and "well if he's looking at your sister that's his fault". She denies it too of course but our brother noticed and I even overheard one of his friends teasing him the other day saying "I love it when *bfs name* visits because *sister* gets practically naked" My BF handles it great. He makes an effort to look away and insists he thinks I'm prettier but I've noticed him get hard after she's done something a few times. Like last week she needed help moving her old tv, and our mother said he should help. As soon as he arrived my sister went into her room and changed into a loose tank top and didn't put a bra on, and said something about how she didn't want to get sweaty moving stuff even though he was obviously going to be doing all the work. She made every effort to stretch and bend over, I'm sure he must have seen her nipples when she first did it although he was looking at the wall when I was in there but he was hard when he finished. Idk what to do, I trust him but I hate her doing it   [**Update: My (22f) sister (19f) keeps showing off to my boyfriend (28m)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lti6u0/update_my_22f_sister_19f_keeps_showing_off_to_my/) - 27 February 2021 Hi just thought I'd make an update post. Not long after my post she wore a crochet sweater with no bra and her assets were clearly visible. We were in the kitchen and she came out to join us with no real reason but to show off. Bf and I just started talking about people embarrassing themselves and he kissed me and kind of semi made out and he said loudly that I'm the only girl he'll ever want. The next morning we all talked together and just asked her why she does it. She tried to deny it and we talked again later and had a D&M about finding her a boyfriend. She did it a few times after but has mostly stopped.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (22f) sister (19f) keeps showing off to my bf (28m)

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yo2x75/my_22f_sister_19f_keeps_showing_off_to_my_bf_28m/

yo4o9h

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The story of u/tiredofpplfaking2 and their descent into DPH addiction

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given_to_the_wind

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yo4o9h/the_story_of_utiredofpplfaking2_and_their_descent/

yo4x77

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welp...that took a turn

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herequeerandgreat

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yo4x77/welpthat_took_a_turn/

yo5j6f

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OOP gets a text from her husband meant for the other woman.

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yo5j6f/oop_gets_a_text_from_her_husband_meant_for_the/

yo6hed

*Reminder, I am not the OP. This is a repost.* [*Original post from Feb 26, 2020 - AITA for wanting my husband to start paying more for our housing?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f9tgvs/aita_for_wanting_my_husband_to_start_paying_more/) Hi all. For reference, I am 29f and my husband is 30m. We’ve been together since I was 20, and got married when I was 26. When we moved in together when I was 25, we were splitting our rent evenly. I was making 65k and he was making 80k, and we live in a large US city. It didn’t really make a huge difference in my budget vs his to split rent 50/50 for 2600 a month rent. However, things have changed. I got pregnant a few months after we go married (which we were so happy about and wanted). I didn’t want to not work, but I wanted to be home with our baby, so I found a full time remote job in my field of work. The downside is I took a cut to my salary from 65k to 50k. We continued to split rent in our apartment. My husband, between being 26 and 30, has received a number of raises and has switched his job. He is now a senior business analyst, making roughly 195k a year. Since we were having a child, we were going to need a bigger apartment. We found a 3 bedroom for 4000k per month. He still wanted to split rent evenly, despite my protests, and despite me wanted to try to find a smaller apartment for less. In the end, I sort of let myself get walked over because he really is such a smooth talker and I do love him. Anyway, flash forward 2.5 years, our rent has increased to 4400k. My take home pay monthly after taxes is roughly 3600k. I am paying 2.2k monthly in rent. I am also taking care of our baby and our home, doing chores, and cooking daily. My husband works from 8 - 6, but typically doesn’t get home until 7. I am burnt out. I barely have enough money per month to do things I enjoy. I feel like I am financially struggling while my husband is living a life of luxury. Yes he does take me out on dates and on vacation, but he doesn’t seem to understand that this is not enough for me. I spoke to him two days ago very seriously, and when I asked about trying to split rent based on our income and pay an equal percentage of our income so that it is more fair than fully equal. His reaction stunned me. He asked me why having 1.6k extra a month wasn’t enough for me. I told him I’m not saving anything. He told me I should spend less on extracurricular activities - which makes me laugh because what extracurricular activities? All I do is work, cook, clean, shop for the house and raise our child. I told him I am basically working two full time jobs at once and I need help. Then he asked me if I am suggesting he pay me for being a mother and that stunned me - I really had no response to that. Anyway, he told me that this is the lifestyle we agreed when we moved in together way back when. However, he doesn’t seem to understand, or rather does not want to understand. Now he is mad with me because he thinks I am being selfish and has been acting cold to me these past few days. I am getting the itch to apologize and take it back like I always do, but I really feel I am right here. Am I the asshole? EDIT: Thank you all for all of the responses. I can honestly say I did not expect to get this feedback. I am honestly overwhelmed and cannot reply to all of you, especially while I am working but I wanted to update some things here. I love my husband with all my heart, and it is heartbreaking for me to read these comments and realize that I am being taken advantage of. I need to figure out the best way to approach this issue and solve it before it gets too far. I want to work this out and the fear of being alone is haunting me. Yes I did sign a prenup that was overseen by his family attorney. My husband comes from extreme wealth and I was young and stupid and went with it. Head over heels like my mother always said I was. As for his family - we get along great and they love me. It’s very confusing because they are such incredibly generous people, and they are family. But they don’t know about our financial situation because my husband and I believe that our marriage is private. And I would feel like I was betraying him by telling them. I’m sorry I cannot reply to all of you, but please know I am reading all of the comments and making of plan of approach with them. EDIT 2: for those talking about the dates and vacations bit that he pays for - I have asked him numerous times to help lighten my financial load instead of going on these trips and dates and he has refused. He said he can do what he wants with his money and if he wants to take us on vacation that is what he will pay for. If I could afford vacation I would pay. In fact, when we were in a more even financial situation, unmarried, not kids - I paid for almost ALL of our vacations and dates because I love to treat people. And I can’t do that anymore. EDIT 3: I also DO NOT have bad spending habits. I worked my way out of my student loan debt in two years after graduating. I saved 60k but the time we got married, and I have that all in my retirement which I am thankful for because I can no longer contribute to it. This has NOTHING to do with how I spend. I am actually pretty frugal when it comes to shopping, especially since I prefer to keep things cheap for my budget. **Verdict: NTA** [*Update from Oct 29, 2022*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ygtghg/update_aita_for_wanting_my_husband_to_start/) I sincerely apologize for taking so long to return to Reddit and write an update to this. A lot has happened since. For those who don’t know, this post was originally written at the end February of 2020. The world, therefore after, fell apart. Things were… not good with me and my husband at the time of this post. I want to preface this by saying we are still together to this day - and we’ve welcome and new child to the world - this time in a much healthier environment. COVID changed a lot for me, along with the intense virality of the last post. Neither my husband or I got laid off of furloughed (and we were and are so thankful) but my husband moved to work from home. That perspective shift changed a lot for him when he say what I had to deal with day to day - things I could never properly communicate about how difficult it is to work while raising a child and what I brought to the table that he could never see. Despite his newfound appreciation for me, I still found myself resenting him. It was in June that I finally proposed that we go to couples counseling, after doing my own virtual therapy sessions since March (from which I learned about why I let people step over me based on my childhood and past and how to overcome that). To my surprise, my husband agreed and so we’ve been in weekly counseling since - even to this day. It helped him get to the root of his fears and address why he has trouble trusting me financially - which had less to do with me and more to do with what he was brought up believing and had been instilled with. After coming to the point of telling him I wouldn’t want to continue building a family or a life with him where he watched me struggle from luxury (with the help of our amazing counselor who guided us), my husband was willing to adjust our lifestyle to be more equal. I’m not saying everything was or is magically perfect. I know people wanted an update where I left my evil husband and took my baby to start a new life but I did marry this man for reason - I saw the good - and past this struggle we’ve had to overcome, he’s become the man I knew I’d married. We now have a joint bank account as well our own on the side. We each put 2/3rds of our income into the shared account and get to keep 1/3rd for ourselves. I am in a new job now and making much more money than in the original post (not that this effects the relationship, but so people know my 1/3rd is enough for me to enjoy). It’s still a road to recovery but we have more trust between us and are no longer living a 50/50 lifestyle. Again, I’m sorry for not updating sooner, but the past few years have been a lot for us (and everyone). Thank you all for your support and advice - I promise I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this without it. *I am not the OP. This is a repost.*

After almost 3 years, OOP updates on a husband who expects "equality" in expense sharing.

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justathoughtfromme

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yo6hed/after_almost_3_years_oop_updates_on_a_husband_who/

yodqj5

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UPDATE ! : My partner told me he was excited to start a family, but went and had a vasectomy in secret. I don’t know how we can movie forward from this.

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crispyliza

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yodqj5/update_my_partner_told_me_he_was_excited_to_start/

yoe4w3

**I am not the OP. This is a repost sub.** *Edit: Long/multiple updates. Trigger warnings: Ecological injustice? Mood spoilers:* >!Kind of frustrating!< **Original post is [New neighbors downed 20+ trees on their land, now cutting “protected habitat” on shared easement](https://www.reddit.com/r/treelaw/comments/vrondf/new_neighbors_downed_20_trees_on_their_land_now/), posted in r/treelaw. Posted on 5 July 2022. Updates were provided on the original post by way of edits, marked with dates as warranted.** They are planning to develop the natural hillside above our house into multiple single family houses. I know there is no recourse for the 20+ (very old) trees they cut already on their land, but they are now cutting willows down and brush in an area that is protected habitat. This is stated on their survey and development plan that they forwarded to me. The land is private property owned by them, but we have an easement agreement covering the protected area. There are a specific breed of endangered toads that live there. The protected area is a stream/waterway that runs through both of our properties out to a large storm drain below my property.The EPA has already been notified by another neighbor and they were on site according to that neighbor but they have done nothing. I have been taking pictures of the destruction and have asked the chainsaw happy neighbors not to continue but they aren’t stopping. Is there anything left I can do? I feel that this is absolutely morally wrong, but more than that there has to be some legal recourse for destruction of a protected habitat/tree grove right? Who can I contact about this? I know this is a complicated situation and i am willing to clarify further if i’ve left anything out. Any insight helps. Edit: Spoke to an attorney today, we are prepared to issue a cease and desist. Calling the neighbors again tomorrow morning to try to get them to stop on their own before going the legal route. Edit 2: Update 7-8-22 City code Enforcement is trying to serve them a cease and desist. They are evading code enforcement by only working early mornings. They are still felling trees on the hill but not in the protected creek area. I didn’t realize how much brush they had cut prior but the creek is very brown and seems to be somewhat filled in with soil. Already confirmed with planning department that they are currently not permitted for any type of work. Edit 3: Update 7-9-22 They have been served at least one cease and desist. They are ignoring that and continuing to cut brush and smaller trees in the protected area. They’ve also filled in the stream area with soil. They’ve cut branches off of one large oak tree in the protected area and on our shared easement. They are dodging calls from everybody and may be poisoning wildlife. We have found multiple squirrels and small mammals dead grouped in the same areas with no immediately visible cause of death or signs of predator interactions. The earliest fish and game said they can get an officer out is Tuesday. There may be nothing left to protect by Tuesday. The workers were asked by another neighbor what the plan is for the area and they said clearcutting. I am so incredibly frustrated with this situation and the disrespect these people have for the land and our community. Edit 4: Update 7-10-22 Fish and Wildlife have told us that they are going to charge everyone involved with the “gross annihilation of a federally protected habitat.” They have issued one more cease and desist. They now have at least two cease and desists. One from F&W and one from the planning department. I woke up this morning to chainsaws again. They are actively violating both cease and desists and continuing to cut. They’ve cleared a large chunk of willows and pecan trees on our easement, probably 8-9 10+ year old trees today. They started work at 4 am. They’re speeding up to avoid getting stopped. Found out the grandfather is picking up random workers from a home depot nearby and paying them to clear cut the whole area. We are preparing to sue them for damages and potential liability if our house were to flood or get damaged due to their actions. Edit 5: 7-12-22 Code enforcement was out this morning. No one has been on the property today cutting or clearing. F&W might have spooked them. I was told by the neighbor directly contacting the F&W agent not to talk to the offending neighbors any further directly in order to avoid anything that can be seen as harassment. They have left canisters of gasoline and oil out and open in the middle of the dead/cut brush. F&W has been notified of this as the risk of fire is very high in our area. We have had major wildfires in the area often and as recent as 2016. One day without cutting is a small win but whenever i walk out my front door i can see directly out to the street now because the tree line has been thinned so much. The coast live oak that they cut all the lower branches off of may not survive because it’s essentially been girdled. There are only about 15 trees left where there used to be 30ish, not counting the ones up on the hill. Edit 6: 7-13-22 Bad news. F&W dropped the cease and desist order because they paid the necessary fines. The amount of the fines has not been disclosed. I do not know if they are still trying to charge them criminally or not. F&W said all the animals have migrated out of the area due to the destruction, so it is no longer their problem what happens to the area going forward. I am pissed. This seems so backwards but they refuse to do anything more. As far as i know, code enforcement has a cease and desist out still and there has been no cutting today. My faith however that the area will be replanted/restored is gone. I am trying to find a professional of some sort to inform us of the increased risk of flooding/damage to our property but i’m not sure who/what professional to call. I don’t even know if legal action against the responsible party is a possibility. Ideally we could sue them for damage to the shared easement and increased flooding risk but i don’t know if there’s any ledge to stand on there. *Relevant comments on original post:* https://www.reddit.com/r/treelaw/comments/vrondf/comment/iewgnta/ >What state are you in? Going to make a huge difference. >>California >>>(salivates in regulatory compliance) >>>OP, if you feel comfortable sharing some extra details in a DM, I'm a California based regulatory scientist. I normally help developers manage the very complex California environmental regulatory scene and nothing pisses me off more than irresponsible development. Trees might be the least of their worries here. >>>If you haven't been, take lots of pictures. If you can share a more specific location, I can give you names and numbers of people to call. This could be a "CDFW compliance officers show up and arrest someone" scenario. https://www.reddit.com/r/treelaw/comments/vrondf/comment/iewq073/ >You said the trigger word endangered species the agency to call isn’t the EPA but CDFW the California Department of Fish and Wildlife. What county are you in? But yeah They could likely be in for a world of hurt. I assume you’re talking about the red legged frog? >>Sorry, i’m not very well versed in this realm. This is the first time i’ve ever experienced dealing with something like this and as a big time tree hugger it’s feeling like a nightmare in slow motion. This thread has helped more than 5+ hours of googling *E/N: I found this story to be immensely sad and infuriating. Stick up for your local ecosystems, folks.* **The update post: [Update on last post- Neighbor downed 20+ trees on hill, now clear cutting protected habitat](https://www.reddit.com/r/treelaw/comments/w6dlt7/update_on_last_post_neighbor_downed_20_trees_on/). Posted 23 July 2022.** This is a follow up on my last post, as the circumstances have changed dramatically. For more context please look at my last post. Fish and Wildlife and the city planning departments have both dropped their cease and desist orders against the offending neighbors after they paid 6 figure fines. They will not be required to replant the area, serve jail time, or get their future permits pulled. The work they are doing currently is completely un permitted and has caused other homeowners property damages(downed fence, hit water main line, broken pipes). In addition to the environmental destruction. The city and F&W have essentially said it’s pay to play even though are multiple endangered species in the area including an endangered toad and an endangered bird. This is not to mention the other wildlife, coyotes, bobcats, squirrels, rabbits, hawks, eagles, etc. that have all moved out of the area. I am continuing to pester the city officials to pull their building permits whenever they put them in. In the city’s code (i read the whole thing) it says un-permitted work can result in a 5-7 year ban on building on a property. I am trying to hold them to that. They are planning on putting 6-8 houses on a 4 acre lot that is supposed to be a “suburban rural” community with lot sizes 1 acre+ per house. There are only 6-7 trees left out of the 20+ that used to be in the protected area. Due to this, my house is at an increased risk of flooding/ storm damage as well as mudslide risk from the hill. I am working on getting flood insurance but i’d like to get a professional out to look at the house and give us a better picture of any mitigation efforts we can do to reduce this risk but I don’t exactly know what type of professional that would be. Engineer? Biologist? I would really appreciate help in that area. Additionally, i would appreciate any advice on any other organizations i could contact regarding getting the area replanted or their building permits pulled. I have exhausted the EPA, Fish and Wildlife, and the city planning and code enforcement departments. I am also working on getting a surveyor out to redefine where the easement is on our property line to try and save the few trees left there. There was no reason for them to clear cut the area other than greed. I desperately don’t want them to win. *Relevant comments on the update:* https://www.reddit.com/r/treelaw/comments/w6dlt7/comment/ihd6xsa/ >This is a great and easy write up for a local journalist. You’ve done a lot of homework- do you have local officials refusing to enforce things in writing? >>my other neighbor who i’ve been working with has it in writing. She seems very anti- press though. Not 100% sure why. I think she doesn’t want to make enemies with the new people. https://www.reddit.com/r/treelaw/comments/w6dlt7/comment/ihdbj9e/ >Have you not called a land use attorney yet? I mean them shrugging off a 6 figure fine doesn’t make it seem like there is much else you can do. The money they stand to make off these new homes would outweigh any fines they could be hit with. Even with a red tag they can do a restoration plan and get it fixed/removed. It ends up being the cost of doing business. Especially if the cdfw and the city already came out and are backing out. A lot of jurisdictions code enforcement is a bitch but it essentially moves your project to the top of the pile. You pay fines and make mitigations buy the governing agency is forced to look at your project possibly months before it normally would. >>I'm not 100% clear on what you’re suggesting. No we haven’t gotten an attorney as i wrongfully assumed the city would actually do something about this. I am working on getting one, but since its the weekend it will have to wait until Monday. We have already called code enforcement and they have done nothing because “they can’t pull their permits because they haven’t applied for permits” which seems backwards. >>>Put in the work to find at least 2-3 attorneys and make the calls. It helps to show an urgency that might not be as clear if you’re calling Monday afternoon. >>>I hate to say it, but you’re already way behind the curve here. Urgency is key if you’d like to get anywhere with this. >>>>Yes i understand that it’s not ideal but i’m doing what i can. I’m not able to do much today or tomorrow as i work 10 hr shifts both days and i can’t exactly call people at 8pm and expect responses. >>>>>Try researching environmental non-profits that take on cases and see if one is willing to do this pro bono? Or at least they could refer you to a good attorney perhaps. https://www.reddit.com/r/treelaw/comments/w6dlt7/comment/ihdfc9m/ >Those are 6-8 houses that will be paying increased property taxes. I've seen building departments and towns turn a blind eye because they want the extra revenue. See if you can get the state involved. They won't care about the taxes and might be more likely to pump the brakes. >Along with a bunch of neighbors we stopped a build too close to water on our lake. The Fish and Wildlife department said no. The neighbor then went and asked the county who said yes. They got their permit and started. Nothing anyone could do. >>I agree that there is some level of corruption or ulterior motives going on here. I am hoping the fact that they have done all of this without permits will get some heads turning. I just contacted the town council in my area and they are offering to throw their weight behind it. I also didn’t know we had a town council until an hour ago so there’s that. https://www.reddit.com/r/treelaw/comments/w6dlt7/comment/ihdc1pa/ >Do you have local environmental groups? Maybe a nature center or local science museum or 4H or even scouts? Getting protesters out there neing visible and loud might buy you some time. >>we have been specifically told by fish and wildlife not to harass the people as we can get sued for that apparently. I believe that falls under harassment. *E/N: There is more interesting discussion on this post, but due to length I'll stop here. But I'll say it again because it bears repeating: fight for your local ecosystems!*

New neighbors downed 20+ trees on their land, now cutting “protected habitat"

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Motor_Crow4482

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yoe4w3/new_neighbors_downed_20_trees_on_their_land_now/

yog57s

Originally posted by u/ChiChomsky in r/AmItheAsshole on Sept 13, '22 [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xd15yj/aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_ring/) AITA for refusing to wear a ring? My fiancee (27f) and I (30m) have been together for almost 4 years and have been engaged for a couple months. We're starting to get more seriously into wedding planning and the topic of rings came up. I don't wear jewelry. I barely wear colors! I'm on the autism spectrum and don't care to draw attention to myself. I didn't think this would be such a big deal but I never saw myself wearing a ring. My fiance has different views on the subject. I knew her ring would mean a lot to her so I listened over the years, spoke to her friends and her mother and knew exactly what she wanted so I got that for her when I proposed. She loved it! Fast forward to now and she's not as happy. I explained my views on wearing jewelry and she wasn't having it. She told me that it's a symbol of our commitment and thinks I want to "appear single" but nothing could be further from the truth! I absolutely adore her but I'm very stuck in my routines. I didn't think this would be a big deal but she won't let it go. I told her I wasn't going to wear jewelry and she lost it. She told me I am selfish and won't talk to me. I don't get it. She KNOWS I love her. I show her everyday and she's making such a huge deal out of this. I need help, AITA? *Verdict:* No Assholes here *Update added as an edit* UPDATE: I apologized to my fiancee for my reaction and for not considering why she felt the way she does and we had a long talk. Previously I really didn't understand why this was such an issue to her but that shouldn't have mattered; the fact is this is important to her and I care about how she feels. I tried to explain why I'm so opposed to this and I think she mostly gets it. She knows I struggle with these sorts of things but really do try to work on these issues and don't use them as excuses. I brought up many of the wonderful suggestions you all have made and I think we'll be able to figure out a good compromise. What we're leaning towards now is having a ring to wear for the wedding, family events, etc (I'm already so uncomfortable in those situations so it doesn't really matter!) and I'm thinking about a tattoo on the underside of my finger so I have that permanent symbol without the sensory problems or visual distraction. Thank you all so much for the input and helping me to better understand this so it doesn't cause a rift in an otherwise wonderful relationship with the absolutely most incredible woman I've ever met. I truly appreciate you all taking the time and offering insight - it means so much to me.

Man's Fiancée Is Upset Bc He Doesn't plan To Wear A Wedding Ring (AITA Sept 13, '22)

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KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yog57s/mans_fiancée_is_upset_bc_he_doesnt_plan_to_wear_a/

yohers

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Am I wrong for making a girl cry and run out in the middle of class

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ijana0

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yohers/am_i_wrong_for_making_a_girl_cry_and_run_out_in/

yohyiz

[removed]

Hello everyone！Does anybody need a RV handheld shower head? Free for you in exchange for a Amz product review, PM if you need one. Not bot！！US only.

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zhuque48

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yohyiz/hello_everyonedoes_anybody_need_a_rv_handheld/

yoik4i

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Hope do I block this subreddit?

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[deleted]

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yolktf

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I posted a thirst trap to teach my bf a lesson.

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yolktf/i_posted_a_thirst_trap_to_teach_my_bf_a_lesson/

yoom07

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/onthefence1 TW: >!Substance abuse!< Mood spoiler: >!Good ending!<   [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/knxzi/) _- September 22, 2011_ Married for 8 years. 4 year old daughter. Over this past weekend I discovered my husband has been smoking pot. To help with nerve pain that is in the process of being treated/diagnosed by a doctor. This would be his 4th relapse during our marriage. All of the others were before our daughter was born, and once while she was a baby. The other relapses were pain meds while being treated for a back issue. I have been very understanding. I have done all that I can to help him to help himself. I am starting to feel like I'm done fighting. I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the next relapse. Of course once I found it he was all apologies and 'I'll do whatever I have to so I don't lose you and our daughter'. And while I feel bad that he's in pain and trying to help alleviate it without seeking drugs, I also feel like I've done this enough. Our daughter is very much a daddy's girl and would be heartbroken at the idea of us splitting. For that reason alone I feel like I should try to make it work...give him another 'last chance'. While we've discussed things it's never been around her. But she is perceptive of the tension of course. Two nights ago she told him she never wants to live somewhere without her mommy and daddy both and it about broke my heart. I just feel run down and not happy. I don't want her to know that part of him. He says maybe she'd be better off without him in her life everyday as he was better off without his dad (severe alcoholic). I go back and forth day to day between wanting to try to make it work and feeling like it's too late. He will have to change jobs if he's going to seek recovery again as his job now prevents him from going to NA meetings. He was active in the NA community before this job (3 months ago) and had been clean for over a year and was doing well. I know the job isn't an excuse but it certainly didn't help the problem. I'm in the process of starting my own business and feel like I need him to pick up the slack (in wages and insurance) and he's unable to do it. So I'm stressed about no insurance, barely making ends meet if he works free lance (which is what he did before this job), and stressed in general I guess. Hoping for someone who's been there and done that being able to offer some advice. We are going to counsiling (first appt next week) and trying to work it out as of now. I'm just starting to feel like I want and need more than he's able to give. I'd like to have another child, a husband that's able to support us as I open my own business, a "normal" relationship where I don't worry daily about a relapse, someone to take care of me. Maybe that's more than he can give? I often feel like I am taking care of him, checking on him, etc. **TL;DR**: Husband is on 4th relapse in 9 years. We have a four year old that adores him. I'm not sure what to do. **EDIT**: I posted briefly so as to not get into a zillion details, but to clarify since there seems to be some confusion. My husband is an addict. I have a firm understanding of what that means. This time it was pot. So he wouldn't seek pills and doctor shop like he has in the past. His first relapse when I knew him ended with an arrest for breaking and entering (to steal pills) when I was six months pregnant. We lost our house. He went to jail. Our finances were ruined. This was after over six months of black outs (I didn't know what they were at the time), missing work (fired from his job), severe depression, etc. At one point I had him admitted to the mental section of the hospital b/c I didn't know what was going on. Only that he had no idea what day it was or who the president was. That was the first one. It began with legitimate back pain being treated with a muscle relaxer, which he abused (took not as prescribed). After jail we got things back together (after living with my parents for a few months and lots of help from his NA friends). Then he relapsed on our daughters first birthday. Was high for her whole party. I have no pictures from that day b/c he was the photographer and every one of them is blurry. Went to jail for a probation violation (I called his PO and begged him to test him b/c hubby had been doing so well that his PO had stopped giving him drug tests). That was ativan, muscle relaxers, ritalin. Next relapse was last year on stolen pain meds. He medicates depression. When the depression gets out of control (he's being seen for that), then he seeks meds by doctor shopping. His back issues come and go. We put safe guards in place this time around by making it so I can access his medical records to be sure he's not asking the neurologist for pain meds. So he scored some pot from some people at work to take the edge off the pain. The doctor hasn't figured out the correct, non-narcotic, treatment for his nerve/back pain yet. The reason I'm considering leaving is b/c the six plus months of blackouts and mental hospital stay were horrifying to me and I don't want our daughter to ever see that. Since that's my past experience I can't help but think it may happen again. So it's "just pot" this time. But it's still an illegal substance he used behind my (and his NA sponsor's) back. I have no idea if he drove our daughter or not. I couldn't tell he was using. I found it hidden in the garage. Thanks for all of your input. Keep it coming please.   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/kswmh/) _- September 27, 2011_ Yesterday I moved my and our daughters things out. After reading all of your replies and considering my own happiness and the best interests of our daughter I explained to him that I couldn't do this anymore. Especially in light of all that I read about being codependant after a few people suggested that. I clearly learned that from my own mother who will do anything and everything for everyone else...even at the expense of her own happiness. I don't want to teach our daughter that that's normal. I also found out that he was doing more than pot. (Though this was in the middle of packing my clothes. I had come to this decision before I found out he was in deeper than I thought.) He sold my Nikon and my kindle to buy drugs. I got everything of value out of the house along with our things. We're staying with my grandma and while our daughter took it very hard when we told her, she's doing quite well. I'm allowing him to come see her (supervised by myself or my mom), and I would bring her to play with him at the park or what have you. But he's not allowed to take her anywhere on his own. He's been clean for 3 days now. I won't deny her her father, but it will be on safe terms that he sees her. He has been very understanding of the rules I'm making about it. Says he's going to make it right. We are in a safe and loving place and doing well under the circumstances. Yesterday was the single hardest day of my life. But today I woke up as if there were a new light. I didn't cry in the shower. I feel a bit more like my old self. I feel stronger. Thank you, reddit. All of your advice and your clear opinions gave me the strength to do what I know was right. **TL;DR**: I left yesterday, and while it was difficult to tell our daughter we're doing surprisingly well. We're taking it one day at a time. Thanks for the help!

Husband (37M) is an addict. Do I (29F) keep trying or throw in the towel?

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rainingsakuras

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yoom07/husband_37m_is_an_addict_do_i_29f_keep_trying_or/

yopqkl

[removed]

Daughter recorded having sex without her knowledge. NV.

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yopqkl/daughter_recorded_having_sex_without_her/

yopz2e

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/left-humor7837 in r/offmychest** ---   [**I 23(f) posted a thirst trap to teach my bf 28 (m) a lesson.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/y4ddt6/i_23f_posted_a_thirst_trap_to_teach_my_bf_28_m_a/) - 15 October 2022 Ladies and guys, I’m young and I’m not very experienced so I wanna know if I did the right thing. My bf, whom I love so much, keeps liking thirst traps of one of his friends, who he did mention that she made a move on him in the past. I have always had this bad gut feeling about this specific friend of his, and he tried to reassure me that there’s nothing and she has a bf. This girl, let’s call her Lexi, has a lot of typical bikini posts on her insta (I am not slut shaming her in anyway) but I’m just trying to get my point through. Lexi has never posted anything about being in a relationship or having a boyfriend of any sort (I know you’d think maybe she wants to keep it private? But she’s the type of girl who’ll even post what water she drinks). A month ago, he liked a pic of her that was almost nude, and I asked him if he’s okay with doing that. He said yeah she’s a friend, I thought this is okay. And I asked him okay would he mind if I posted the exact same picture and wore that? He said “NO WAY”, so I calmly explained how it doesn’t work like that. Today, I had this strong urge to check again and yet again, there was a picture worse than before that he liked and not just that, many others too of Lexi. I didn’t ask him anything, and I posted a thirst trap myself with the same caption as that girl, a picture he strictly told me he wouldn’t allow me to post anywhere. He hasn’t seen it yet, but idk if I’m doing it right or wrong. My plan was for him to see it and prove my point. Help me out? Guys can you please help me out cause idk how guys think!! 🥲 **Update:** He saw it. He’s calling me, texting me non stop. Should I take my time or answer it? **Update 2:** We talked. He fumed, like I expected. He said “I told you about that picture, why did you post it and what’s with the caption? What are you trying to hint here?” I replied with “wait you don’t like it? I thought it was a good caption, you seemed to like it on Lexi’s post tho” him: “THATS NOT THE SAME?” Me: “oh? Is it not? We talked about this and you clearly said you won’t do that again, but here we are” him: “take the picture down!” Me: “it sucks yeah? You can like naked friends of yours but I can’t post for my friends?” Bottom line he’s upset. Things are heated atm. I don’t know if I messed things up by this but I’m sure he did understand me clearly. Should I wait for him to contact me again? Delete the picture? **Update 3:** I didn’t delete the picture. It’s still up. He’s trying to explain but just comes back to the lines of ‘it’s not the same’. He apologized and said I’ve made my point clear. He said he’s going to do his best to be better, and he’ll respect my boundaries. Well he did ask what has gotten into me because I normally wouldn’t react like this, I told him I said it in the past but you still went ahead and did the same, I was bound to blow up after this. After all, I’m a human too. Bottom line, he apologized. I still didn’t take down the post tho. Lesson learned, I’ll take it down now. Maybe in a while. **Most probably the last update:** To everyone who sent me all the supportive messages and kind words, thank you so much. I appreciate it. I know there were many people who didn’t support my actions, but I’ve reached a point in life where I’m done playing nice. I’ve been walked on my whole life. I wanted to stand up for myself and prove a point. Did it work? I guess. Do I regret this? No. I know taking the high road would’ve been better but believe me, I’ve taken the high road so many times now that I was bound to fall a little. I know it was a petty move, but it proved my point. Will this relationship last? Idk time will tell, but this just made me more confident. And to the one’s asking me for the link to the post in my personal messages, I’m not gonna give a link ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️ - To the boys who are personally dming me calling me a whore, and stuff like “insecure toxic gf”, I honestly don’t care so don’t bother dming me stuff like that. I don’t have to explain myself or my actions to you little boys :) Ps, I know no one asked, but I am turning 24 in 6 days ! :) I’m looking forward to celebrating my birthday and it’ll be new beginnings for me.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I posted a thirst trap to teach my bf a lesson.

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yopz2e/i_posted_a_thirst_trap_to_teach_my_bf_a_lesson/

yor50u

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/gdnqe **in** r/RBI   *Disclaimer -* * *This thread was posted on BORU almost 2 years ago, since then there has been an update which IMO was long overdue* * *OOP has made only one post on RBI and edited to add updates. The latest update is from the news.* *^(I have done some formatting for better presentation)*   trigger warnings: >!Abduction, Sexual Assault, Drug Addiction!< mood spoilers: >!OOP is able to recover memory, Offender commits another crime and ends up in jail!<   [**I was abducted as a child.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ect6gn/i_was_abducted_as_a_child/) \- 19th December 2019 Hello, I’m hoping to find some help and guidance through this difficult process. As a child I was abducted and sexually molested, along with a neighborhood girl around the same age. I’ve desperately tried to find more information about this case in order to get answers and heal from this experience. However, my mother has refused countless times to tell me who the man was or what happened to me during/after my abduction. I believe the shame has made her try forget about it or at least try to make me forget. This happened nearly 15-17 years ago, when I called the Ventura County Office, they told me they only kept police records up to 10 years. I’ve tried everything from asking other family members, to even searching online, but I’ve found NOTHING and I’m not sure where to go from here. I’ve tried to google my name but since this happened when I was a minor and my amber alert was cancelled later that day, that my name wouldn’t have been included. What I know: I was around 4-6 years old, the girl was around the same age as me. So this must’ve happened anywhere from 2003-2005 (I’m 20 now) I lived in Saticoy, California, this is where I was abducted from my front yard (This town is close to Santa Paula so there is a possibility I could’ve been there as well) I was found at a park with the other girl. I remember the night I returned home to my mother she told me I was going to be on the news, but I fell asleep and after that, this incident was never addressed... I’m hoping that finding out more about this case will bring me peace and help with my healing, I hope that one day I could be reunited with the girl who was abducted with me... but that may never happen. I’m desperate for any help/guidance/advice.   [**UPDATE 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ect6gn/i_was_abducted_as_a_child/) \- 19th December 2019 I want to thank you all for all the love, advice, experiences, support, and help you guys have given me. This means the world to me and I never thought this post was going to get this much attention. I am overwhelmed (in a good way) and I wish I could reply to all of you. I made this post in the middle of the night and woke up to so many beautiful responses and I’m so grateful, I cried reading all of them. Right now I do plan on updating all of you as soon as I find out more information, I have started to remember things that have been buried and I’m trying to process everything in the best of my ability. Thank you all so much, this means so much to me.   [**UPDATE 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ect6gn/i_was_abducted_as_a_child/) \- 19th December 2019 I decided to contact a few of my mother's old friends via FB, since my mother is a drug addict and I have no way of contacting her (plus I doubt she would ever tell me anything) and my moms friend had this to say once I asked her : [SS of Chat.](https://imgur.com/a/ghrKBJf) She (mom's friend) had no idea I was kidnapped which is making me suspicious on rather or not I was involved in an Amber Alert, maybe it was something my mother just made up? I do remember going to the police officer once I was at a park my abductor dropped me and the other girl at. u/pseudoynymph told me that she found the article but I'm still waiting for her to send it and confirm that it's actually me. u/invasionfromkat has been helping me these last couple hours, provided me with addresses my mother lived at and found the actual address in Saticoy. Weirdly enough, if money and drugs were involved then it would make sense to why shortly after my kidnapping my mother and I moved to Iowa. I started kindergarten in Iowa in 2005, making me 6 years old (my bday is August 18th 1999). So I must've been 5 when this happened.   [**UPDATE 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ect6gn/i_was_abducted_as_a_child/) \- 19th December 2019 \[6.23 PM\] New information was found, Detective Mesa ran the case and it was processed through Ojai Police Department, I’m guessing that’s where I was found. As for obtaining the records, the lady told me that I could only get my statements and it wouldn’t include the other girl OR the man who did the crime... Which doesn’t sound right, she did provide me with other numbers for Major Crimes and Ojai Department, as well as a case number... I’m really hoping I could get the full report that includes everything but I’m not really sure how any of this works, I’ll make sure to update anything new that is found.   [**UPDATE 4**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ect6gn/i_was_abducted_as_a_child/) \- 19th December 2019 \[10.23 PM\] u/pseudoynymph posted this: [News Article, 2005](https://imgur.com/a/cpYxWcU) and this completely matches up, the ages, the location, and the man. His name is James Lewis Apodaca (also went by Jimmy) and he was 37 when he was charged. Did the math with the birthday given from a James Lewis Apodaca on the sex offenders list with the date of the crime, and it matches up. My friend did a background check (it only provided a little information) [Sex Offenders Registry.](https://imgur.com/a/c62JBUF) It says there's several "Unlawful Sex Minor" charges, by any chance do you guys have a subscription to any of these background checks? I'm going to request my full report on Monday and look through everything as well as share it here... But from what it looks like, he wasn't charged with any sexual offenses in my case. But it said in the posts found that James had to take parenting classes, so maybe the other girl was his daughter? Thank you so much for all the help and support, I'm going to see where this case goes and if there's a chance for me to press charges, I will. Thank you all, this means so much to me and all of you have been so kind. I deeply appreciate this.   [**UPDATE 5**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ect6gn/i_was_abducted_as_a_child/) \- 19th December 2019 Hello, I want to thank you all for the love, guidance, and support I’ve received on here. A few weeks ago I was asked to be interviewed by u/endless_thread , a podcast hosted by Ben Brock Johnson and Amory Sivertson. I wanted to update this thread and share it with all of you. More of OOPs story - [Podcast Link](https://www.wbur.org/endlessthread/2020/01/17/i-was-abducted) *(Audio as well as transcripts available on the page)* I want to thank you all, because of the love and kind words I received I was able to find the strength to tell my story and the strength to reopen this case. Happy New Year, I hope it’s a blessed one for all of you.   [**NEW UPDATE - on James Apodaca (News Excerpt)**](https://kvta.com/news/oxnard-registered-sex-offender-gets-life-in-prison/) \- 05th August 2022 A registered sex offender from Oxnard is headed to state prison for what will be the rest of his life for kidnapping a woman in the Ojai Valley with the intent to rape her. The judge Friday sentenced 55-year-old James Apodaca to 75-years-to-life in prison. A jury in June spent less than a day before they convicted him on all counts in connection with the crime that happened in August of 2021 in Oak View. On that night, Apodaca forced a woman into the trunk of his car. Prosecutors say she was rescued after a citizen heard her screams for help and alerted a deputy sheriff in the area who stopped the vehicle and then chased Apodaca on foot. They say Apodaca threatened the deputy with a metal pipe but was finally taken into custody after the deputy deployed a Taser. The jury found Apodaca guilty of kidnapping with the intent to commit rape, assault on a peace officer, second-degree robbery, and several other crimes.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** ​ [**OOP has clarified come points / assumptions in the comments to this thread. Please Read**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yor50u/comment/ivixmz3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Be Kind in the comments people. Please don't go around making assumptions. OOP can read your comments (not that it should matter, be nice regardless).*     **Please DO NOT try to dox OOP, they have found peace in the situation.** **Only the offenders name is mentioned in the post.**

OOP turns to Reddit for help recovering details of their abduction as a child. [TW: CSA]

NEW UPDATE

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yor50u/oop_turns_to_reddit_for_help_recovering_details/

yosgz4

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Turns out I'm not completely adopted

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yosgz4/turns_out_im_not_completely_adopted/

yosoil

[removed]

Turns out I'm not completely adopted

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yosoil/turns_out_im_not_completely_adopted/

you84q

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/final-cheesecake-146 in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for ruining a pregnancy announcement by telling the woman she may have taken the wrong test**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oanl22/aita_for_ruining_a_pregnancy_announcement_by/) - 30 June 2021 Obligatory sorry for the formatting. I'm on mobile and it's my first post on here. My husband and I (30m, 30f) recently invited eight friends for lunch and were asked if we could also include a new couple, Doug and Sasha (both 30s). We have never met them, but everyone who was invited has, so we said sure. At one point Sasha needed to use the restroom, and I told her to use the master since the other bathroom was occupied. I was helping my husband finish with food when Sasha came out of the master bawling and holding something in her hand. At first I thought she hurt herself, but she said something to Doug that caused him to drop to his knees, cry, and begin kissing her stomach. All of our friends begin screaming, jumping, and crying. It was insane. Finally, Sasha tells my husband and I that she is pregnant. Of course, we congratulate both she and Doug and gave them a bag for the test (their request). I will admit I did find it odd that she brought a pregnancy test and took it at a complete stranger's house, but I did not say that. Once everyone sat down to eat Sasha said: OP, I hope you don't mind that I used one of your pregnancy tests. I just saw them and had to. I responded (confused) I don't have pregnancy tests. Sasha says yes, in your drawer. I asked Sasha if she meant the blue box in the back of my lower left drawer that was closed. She seemed to realize I was pointing out that she basically snooped and sheepishly said the box said pregnancy for pregnancy test. I said Sasha, the brand is Pregmate and those are ovulation tests. I do not own pregnancy tests. Did you take an ovulation test? Doug freaked the absolute F out at me saying his wife was not an idiot and can read a box. He insisted Sasha get the test out and show me that I'm wrong. Sasha refused saying she didn't need to prove anything to a complete stranger and insisted they leave immediately. One of the couples thought Doug and Sasha acted ridiculous. The other three couples thought I should have pulled Sasha aside to discuss my concerns and said I was an asshole for saying something in front everyone. Honestly, the whole situation caught me off guard and everything happened so quickly. The whole thing was bizarre and confusing. I just didn't have time to put the pieces together mentally before asking about the ovulation tests. Also, I found out later through one of our friends that Sasha did take an ovulation test, and she is not pregnant. Verdict: NTA **EDIT TO ADD UPDATE:** I do not meet the criteria for a standalone update. I'm not sure if anyone will see this. In case anyone does ... First, let me thank anyone who took time to read, comment, or give an award. I am very, very, very grateful for the feedback. Based on the responses, today I called up one of my friends who was present (and took Doug and Sasha's side) and basically told her I was owed and explanation for wtf happened. Here is what I found out: - Apparently my friends have know D&S for much longer than I realized. This is strange because they have never talked about D&S before this. - Doug constantly brings up wanting to have a baby every time they see him. - One night Sasha confided in the women that Doug divorced his first wife because she was "old and infertile" - she was the same age as Doug. Doug married Sasha because she was "young and fertilize" - Sasha heard him tell this to some friends. At that point D&S had been trying to conceive for over a year, and Sasha was concerned that Doug was going to leave her. They (the women in my friend group) tried to convince Sasha that this is not a healthy relationship, but she insisted she was happy and just needed to get pregnant. They "gave her the courage to seek medical assistance" which she had previously been too scared to do. - Sasha end up getting prescribed fertility meds at her appointment and was scared to test with Doug, so they told her they would come to her house to be with her when she tested and be a support system for her. - The day D&S were at my house was after Sasha's first round of meds and she was in the window to test. She had not planned on testing but had a "lightbulb moment" when I told her to use my bathroom. - Sasha only took the test and did not steal anything. When the test came back with two lines, Sasha was in shock and immediately wanted to share with her husband and support system. - Doug was mortified by the ordeal and D&S have been fighting a lot. - Sasha has been badmouthing me to anyone who will listen. She believes I ruined her marriage and embarrassed her and Doug because my husband and I were threatened by D&S and the friendships they were building. Sasha told my girl friends they shouldn't spend time with me anymore because who can be friends with someone who treats a guest in their own home that way. - My friends felt they had to take Sasha's side in the moment because they knew how important the pregnancy was to her marriage. - I am back on good terms with my friends. Also, yes my husband and I have been privately trying to get pregnant. I am pissed that now my friends are aware. Thank you to my fellow TTCers, past and present, who mentioned this invasion of privacy or gave well wishes. You all touched my heart.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for ruining a pregnancy announcement by telling the woman she may have taken the wrong test?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/you84q/aita_for_ruining_a_pregnancy_announcement_by/

yoy4v5

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/swift_change in r/offmychest** ---   [**Girlfriend just made out with a random girl at a club right in front of me...**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yg4uwe/girlfriend_just_made_out_with_a_random_girl_at_a/) - 29 October 2022 This happened about an hour or so ago. My (M24) girlfriend (F23) and I were out clubbing with a bunch of friends and roommates of mine and while we were all dancing I saw that she was getting pretty close with a bunch of different girls, both strangers and mutual acquaintances. I really trusted her and even though I knew she was bi, we have had a talk about exclusivity and so I thought nothing of it. Well while I was watching her, almost in slow motion I watched her and some random girl just mutually go in for a kiss and began making out literally less than a metre away from me... I went outside for some fresh air, then went for a walk outside the club, and now i've made my way home by myself and I feel so lost. I don't know what else happened there, and honestly I don't even know if she's realized I left. I know we were all drinking and it was only a kiss, but it was so blatantly right in front of me. I just feel disrespected and I'm hurt and I just need to vent... **UPDATE:** Thanks everyone who responded and took the time to try and help me with how I was feeling. Honestly I've never been flooded with so many notifications on reddit and the fast majority were so positive. This will be an update and a bit of more info for those were curious. Many of the comments were very pro "revenge porn," saying I should use her for a threesome and dump her, or makeout with someone in front of her. Some comments were even a little mean. Ultimately her and I had previously set strong boundaries about being monogamous and what cheating looked like. This was clear to both of us which is why I was hurting last night. I learned from some friends that she had gotten kicked out from the club for being too intoxicated and no one could find her, so I ended up taking a taxi downtown, finding her and taking her back home so she was safe and secure. Say what you will about this, but she is still an important person to me and I wasn't about to leave her alone on the streets, and I don't regret this. After getting home it was pretty clear she wasn't in the best state to discuss what had happened and so even though it came out that she had cheated and she was crying and apologizing, I got her to bed and the bulk of the conversation happened this morning. Initially she was pretty lost regarding where she was (alcohol related, neither of us are worried about her being drugged), and so when she first saw me she was excited but once she remembered the events from the previous night she started profusely crying and apologizing. We talked and I forgave her since it seems that there were some underlying insecurities making her feel like I was losing interest in her which wasn't true, but mental health is cruel. However, I did tell her we needed to take a break from dating. Obviously neither of us are thrilled about this, but I need this time to heal from being hurt and the two of us need to work on rebuilding trust. We're also in a new foreign city and we need to decide if this relationship is worth pursuing still. Most importantly her and I were/are best friends before dating but I think the spark that made us click so well needs to be found again, and during this break we both have made promises to prioritize and rebuild our friendship first. At the end of the day, we communicated and I'm glad I didn't do anything impulsive. I care about her, but trust has been broken so things have ended between us at least for now. Sorry if this isn't a very interesting update, but thanks for sticking around for the support and advice. Thanks all.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Girlfriend just made out with a random girl at a club right in front of me...

CONCLUDED

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yoy4v5/girlfriend_just_made_out_with_a_random_girl_at_a/

yozeng

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/SnooChickens9459 in r/StudentLoans** ---   [**This Can’t Be Real - anything that can be done?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StudentLoans/comments/wb5l5l/this_cant_be_real_anything_that_can_be_done/) - 29 July, 2022 Today my mom received this [letter](https://imgbb.com/NWx51Yc) in the mail and I seriously can’t believe this is real. Is it really possible for a loan that was under $10K to become almost a million dollars? And are they really expecting her to pay this back asap? She’s worked in public service (as an educator for the public school system) for the last 25+ years and has struggled financially as a single parent for my entire life. She continuously gets denied for any type of assistance for her loans and even went through garnishment for 10 years where she was made to believe all of these loans would be settled at the end of this. And now she’s getting this letter in the mail as she faces retirement. Like this has to be some glitch, or is this normal? Anything we can do? I can’t even process.   **Relevant Comments** u/Betsy514 (President | The Institute of Student Loan Advisors) Jesus Christ. Thank you for paging me. I can't wait to sink my teeth into this one u/Betsy514 (President | The Institute of Student Loan Advisors) Op. Please reach out to me via email. You can check my post history and Google me to verify I'm legit but I run a non profit that provides free stude t loan advice. It would be my absolute pleasure to help with this one. u/SnooChickens9459 We appreciate you so so much! My mom is going to reach out to you! u/Betsy514 (President | The Institute of Student Loan Advisors) Good. I cannot wait to get started on this!!!! Have her put to Betsy and Perkins issue in the subject line so I see it right away please   [**Update Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StudentLoans/comments/yhy0gq/update_moms_million_dollar_loan_issue_resolved/) - 30 October 2022 (3 months later) Great news! My mom and Betsy u/betsy514 were able to resolve the nearly million dollar loan issue!! Turns out, it was legit and my mom did “owe” almost a million dollars. It’s scary to think what would’ve happened if I didn’t make a post about it. At the end of the day, you all saved my mom’s life! (She was literally on the verge of a health crisis because of the stress this situation caused her). Betsy was able to advocate for my mom and the university ended up acknowledging that this loan did actually qualify for forgiveness by a certain point. So instead of owing $955,000.02, my mom only has to pay ~$400 😭😭😭 unreal! Happy to share more of if all have questions about what was done. Sharing this in the hopes that this thread will continue to inspire goodwill among us all!   **Relevant Comments** u/Betsy514 (President | The Institute of Student Loan Advisors) Thank you for updating everyone. It was truly my pleasure to be able to help her. The whole situation was outrageous. u/SnooChickens9459 If anyone is able to, highly recommend supporting u/betsy514 and the organization that helped our family save everything! A small token of support can go a long way. Betsy is way too humble and generous with her time - she did this all for FREE. She absolutely deserves all the goodness that returns her way! https://donorbox.org/donate-to-tisla   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Million Dollar Student Loan Debt

CONCLUDED

An_Asian_Guy_

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yozeng/million_dollar_student_loan_debt/

yoztix

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/callmefatherfacker in r/trueoffmychest. Trigger Warning - >!incest, physical and mental abuse!< Mood Spoiler - >!yikes!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ye2p8z/found_out_ive_been_dating_my_father_for_almost/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (27 Oct 22) **Found out I‘ve been dating my father for almost four months** Throwaway because I can never have anyone know this happend to me. I still have no idea how to process it. Buckle up because this is a long one. So I‘ve never met my dad. He ran off when my mom found out she was pregnant with me. My brother was only 8 months old at the time, so he also has no memory of him. There are no pictures of him anywhere and my mom hates talking about him. All I know is that he was emotionally abusive to her and a real asshole. I (25m) have a thing for older men. Call it daddy issues or a fetish or whatever you want but I pretty much only date or sleep with men 40 and up. My family doesn‘t know this or that I‘m gay for that matter. It wouldn‘t be an issue, they just never ask, we don‘t really share personal things like that. About six months ago I met David (fake name, duh) at a club. We hit it off great, he‘s in great shape for his age (supposedly 43, although that‘s a lie, he‘s actually 47 as I‘ve found out), really attractive, charming, etc. He left for a 2 week work trip a few days after we met but we kept messaging each other and I really liked him, which is rare for me. We went on a date after he came back and have pretty much been dating ever since. He has a lot of money and I‘m kind of his sugar baby but that‘s not the reason I was attracted to him, definitely a plus tho. I didn‘t tell anyone we were dating except for two of my best friends. He also never met any of my friends or family and I never met his. This changed last night. We were at a restaurant when out of the corner of my eye I spotted my mom. I don’t live at home and we only usually text if we need something, so I didn’t know she’d be there and tbh I still don‘t know why she was, she hates going out and thinks it‘s a waste of money. She had not seen us yet but David noticed me looking at her. I‘ll forever remember the way his face changed when he saw her. His expression went from his casual, charming smile he always had to this blank, panicked look. I obviously noticed and got a really bad feeling, so I asked him what‘s wrong and he just got up and excused himself. I kept asking him where he was going and grabbed him so he couldn’t just leave. At this point I was really confused and suspicious but I would have never guessed what would happen next. I don‘t think anything could ever prepare me for it. At some point while he was getting up my mother must have spotted us because next thing I know she‘s next to our table, asking me what was going on. I couldn‘t really pinpoint her facial expression because it looked like she was horrified but again, at this point I didn‘t know David was my father and she doesn‘t know I‘m gay. David is visibly uncomfortable and looks like he wants to die, he was literally sweating. I, assumed this was because he didn‘t want my mother to know I was dating someone of his age. I was about to try to explain what was going on to my mom when she said ‚why would you go behind my back like this?‘ I was so confused, because again, I DIDN‘T KNOW HE WAS MY DAD SO LIKE WHAT WAS SHE GOING ON ABOUT??? She probably assumed I had looked for and met up my father without talking to her about it despite her telling us how badly he treated her. To me, however, it seemed like she was acting crazy for no reason. I kind of took it personally and thought she was trying to tell me who to date and what to do so I casually told her that I was just on a date with my boyfriend and I tried to grab David‘s hand but he just jumped up and RAN away. He literally bolted like a fucking olympic runner. I cannot get the fucking image out of my head of him jumping between waiters to get away. Everyone was starring at us by this point, it was so embarassing and I was mortified. My mom looked like she was frozen in place. I was more confused than ever, I had no idea what was happening. I had assumed she had asked me that because she didn‘t want me to be gay, which made no sense, she is very open and liberal, or date older men, which made a bit more sense but was still none of her business. But her expression just made my skin crawl, it‘s like I could feel the horror she must have been experiencing. She just told me to get up and come with her. I was still confused but something in her body language told me to just do as I was told, I quickly payed for our drinks and appetizers (thank god the main course hadn‘t been served yet bc damn was that shit expensive). My mom excused herself to her friends and once we were in her car outside, we just sat there in silence for what felt like at least 10 minutes. I didn‘t really dare to say anything, I was still processing that my boyfriend just fucking ran away from me and my mother, I had also tried to text him but he wasn‘t responding (shocker, I know). When my mom spoke, it sounded like she had been shot. She sounded so wounded, I think it might haunt me forever. She asked me who that man was and I explained to her and I went on about how much I loved him because again, I was still thinking of David as my boyfriend and assumed my mom‘s reaction was because of his age or gender. I cannot believe that I went on about how much I romantically loved my dad right to my mother‘s face. It makes me want to puke. Long story short, she told me he was my father and that she instantly recognized him. That talk was the most traumatic experience of my life. We both started crying at some point and just wept for a while in the car, I was howling, it was fucking primal. I‘m not usually emotional or prone to crying so it was really shocking to me just how much pain a person can feel. Most of it id just a blurr now, especially compared to how clearly I remember every ofher moment of the evening up to this. We drove home, I slept in my old bedroom. We haven‘t talked about it since but my brother is also staying at our place still (he‘s a med student, never moved out bc of housing costs) and he knows something‘s up. Tried talking to me about it and I just broke down again. How do I ever tell anyone about this? The worst part is I think despite all of this I still love David? Just writing that makes me want to throw up. I cannot believe this is reality. Like how fucked is all of this? Why did this happen to me? I don‘t even think I could tell my therapist about this. I tried messaging David but I just don‘t know what to say. The last message I sent him literally just says ‚please call me, I love you‘ (sent right after he ran away). Like what the fuck. What the actual fucking fuck. Like how do I come back from this? How do I ever look my mom in the eye again? I haven‘t left my room yet and I‘m in tears again while writing this. I can‘t even remember the last time I cried before yesterday and now I‘ve been doing it non-stop. If anyone has any advice (as if, who the fuck else would ever accidentally do this besides stupid me) it would be highly appreciated. Also feel free to make dark jokes about this, it‘s my coping mechanism. I also did not proof read this as I don‘t think I can bring myself to read it again. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/callmefatherfacker/comments/yhoxb2/update_found_out_ive_been_dating_my_father_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (31 Oct 22) **Update: Found out I‘ve been dating my father for almost four months** Okay posting this the first time was a nightmare, so this is take 2. Please let me know if you see the comments. Firstly, I really appreciate everyone’s comments although I’m not in a mindset right now where I can take them seriously. Just feels kinda weird when people tell me everything’s going to be alright when my entire life is in shambles. I do think I’m doing way better than I should, I think I’m just dissociating though. HOWEVER WHAT I DO NOT APPRECIATE is countless people dming me, asking me questions about my sex life, so I will address this once and for all so yall can stop, you fucking animals. You know who you are. Yes, we had sex. No, I was not the bottom, I do not subscribe to such outdated and heteronormative ideals of what gay sex is supposed to be like. I am a switch and only date other switches. Yes, the sex was good, I don’t date people who are bad in bed. No, I will not continue to have fucking sex with my FATHER, send you nudes or give you sex stories of this. Like what the fuck is wrong with yall. Anyways, there you go. Have the tea you so clearly desire so you can fucking leave me alone. I also don‘t appreciate the blatant racism in my dms and on tik tok, saying he wanted to ‚get rid of my black ass‘ or that ‚that‘s what you get for having white dna‘ like??? Are yall fucking crazyy?? Granted this was mostly in tik tok comments but some of yall have no shame dming some random person and just spewing blantant racism?? Also THAT‘S what‘s bothering you about this?? Bruh 💀 there was homophobia too but like ain‘t not even worth addressing that, yall know it‘s wrong and still keep going, no point in even trying to correct you. Now, for all the other lovely people: I think I need to talk about my mother first. A lot of people have A LOT to say about her and I just think I need to set some things straight. She is not a bad person and did everything she could to raise us to the best of her ability. She‘s also a black single mom living in a country where she is a minority and which put a lot of road blocks in her way but she always made sure to give my brother and I the best childhood she could. When I think of her I only have fond, loving memories. Some people assumed because of some of my previous statements that we are not a close family, which is definitely not the case. We just really value independence and freedom. I live about an hour away from my mom but still visit her monthly, we call at least once a week. We just don‘t force each other to confess things or information the person doesn‘t willingly give up. My brother for example has always been very open about his dating life with my mom, she‘s met all his girlfriends and they often came to family gatherings. I‘m just more private. That being said, she has not always been perfect, because no parent is. A lot of people were upset at her for not telling us about our dad and trust me when I say that she is aware that she has made a mistake. But she also moved to another continent just to keep us away from him and make sure we never run into him. There is no way that she could have known that he would move to the same country as us years later. I‘m not gonna name specifics because I don‘t want anyone to recognize this is me since a lot of this is already quite specific but she really did her best to make sure we never have to go near him and none of this is her fault. I don‘t blame her in the slightest, if anything I blame myself for being so angry at her whenever she tried to tell me or my brother about him. I was never interested in finding out more about my father, in truth I resented him deeply for leaving my mother alone to fend for herself in a world that wanted to see her fail. Since this has come to light a lot of things I didn‘t know about my family have also been brought up. I found out that my brother and my mother often talked about my father, just not infront of me, since I was so adamant to never learn anything about him (I remember throwing a tantrum because my brother kept asking when dad‘s birthday was). My brother knew his full name, had seen pictures of him and knew most of the full story of what had gone down between my mom and him. It is not my story to share as it is fully hers and so I will not go into details but know that he was not just emotionally abusive like I had believed my entire life, but also physically and financially. The story of him leaving when she found out I was pregnant isn‘t fully accurate either. He apparently threatened to harm her if she didn‘t get an abortion and so she packed her things up and left him. According to her he never reached out or tried to find her and she moved to make sure it would stay that way. She really just tried to protect us and I‘ll never be able to truely articulate how grateful I am. Obviously finding out about all this just makes me feel worse, I always shut them out when they tried to tell me about my father and refused to learn anything about him because I naively presumed that I was better than him and therefore didn‘t need to bother learning anything about a man I wasn‘t good enough for. Obviously that backfired and here we are. Thankfully my mother does not blame me whatsoever. She is extremely understanding of my side and we‘ve convinced her to find a therapist and she also joined group counseling for victims of domestic violence. My brother on the other hand is absolutely livid. I felt we had to tell him eventually and after consulting with my therapist we decided to just rip it off like a bandaid, set him down and I basically first told him I was gay (he did not care, as expected), then that I was into older men (he was very confused where this was going and also why I was telling him, I don‘t think he was ready for it or took it well) and then that I met dad and that bomb kinda hit and took all his attention at first because he‘s always wanted to meet him and really struggled with not having a father, unlike me. His excitement quickly faded though when he connected the dots of me being into older men, meeting dad and my mom and my weird and worrying behavior for the past days. It fucked him up pretty bad, I really regret telling him at all. He can‘t come to terms with it and is visibly disgusted by the thought as he always viewed our father as our FATHER, while I viewed him as some afterthought sperm donor that ran off. He hasn‘t really talked to me since we told him and when he does it‘s disgusting remarks, insults or passive aggression. My mother is furious with him and it‘s not helping. She‘s always hated when we‘d fight but now especially she feels like he‘s treating me unfairly since I‘m „already going through so much“ but I think he‘s fully within his right to be angry or disgusted, he‘s just being such a dick about it. It‘s also really uncharacteristic of him to act like this. He even went as far as to call my aunt (mom‘s sister) and tell her what happend. Thankfully we can trust her to keep it a secret (her husband and her are basically a second set of parents of us but I still think it‘s really fucked up of him to do that). He also refuses to see a therapist and keeps saying that I‘m the mentally messed up one, not him, whenever we try to bring it up. It‘s only been like less than 48h since we told him though, so I‘m sure he‘ll come around. He also really wants to go meet dad, which everyone keeps telling him is a terrible idea because he really is the worst (stay tuned bc god damn) but he‘s so stubborn and keeps yelling at me to give him dad‘s address. He‘s so obsessed with this idea of a man that doesn‘t exist and wants shit to do with him. Even before I found out he was my father, he never wanted to meet my family. Granted, I also didn‘t want him to meet them but the one time we talked about it he laughed at the idea as if it was preposterous. Now, he‘s really the only person I blame in all of this besides myself. He really is a little cowadly piece of trash and I wish I had never fucking met him. I think this entire thing and his behavior after being recognized just really broke something in me that I didn‘t really know was there. I never cared about him before but now I genuinely know that he will also never give a single shit about me and that really hurts. Basically I kept texting and calling him the evening of what we‘ve referred to as THE EVENT because I was desperate and confused and couldn‘t really believe what was happening. I then texted him two more times the day off and called once. No response to either. Then two nights ago I decided to call him again even though everyone in my entire life was against it. This was also just after we told my brother and we had a huge fight about it. I was really vunerable and idk what the hell was fried in my head but some part of me must have believed that he‘d comfort me. He had been extremely emotionally available during our relationship, which very much contratsd what my mother had told me about him and their relationship. I didn‘t think he‘d pick up the phone but he did and it was fucking terrible. He immediately started yelling as soon as he picked up (he had never yelled at me before, ever), started calling me all kinds off slurs like faggot and pussy which is just ABSURD, started threatening me that he‘d off me and my bitch mother if I ever contacted him again, said that if I told anyone about this that I‘d regret ever meeting him (jokes on you, bitch I already do). It was such a fucking turn of character I was genuinely not prepared for it and had no idea what I was supposed to do. I just cried on the other end of the phone while he kept yelling at me till he finally hung up. The entire thing was utterly terrible and I can‘t believe that I didn‘t trust my mother and listened to her sooner when she clearly tried to tell me how horrible he was on multiple occasions throughout my childhood. I just feel so stupid. I‘ll probably never contact him again but I cannot believe I undid all the efforts my mother put in to keep us safe all those years and let him play the both of us in the exact same way just bc I wanted some dick. I took some people’s advice and sent the post to my therapist with a short email explaining some more private stuff. I sent it around 5am the day after *the event* and then went to sleep for almost 15hours and woke up to tons of missed texts and calls from her, starting with extreme concern and then slight annoyance because I think she thought it was a sick prank since I didn’t respond. We talked on the phone later and she told me that I can call her whenever I want (she is not an in person therapist, which I prefer). I do feel security in knowing that I can confide in her and I’m glad I told her. I also joined some online support groups, most of them either shamed me bc of the age gap or my sexuality so that didn’t really do much good. I’ve also told my two best friends, against what some people advised. I trust them with everything and they wouldn’t be my friends if that wasn’t the case. I will be using fake names for this but basically Leah, my oldest friend (we met in kindergarten) called me on facetime, not unusual. The night of this happening I had told her I was sick so she’d leave me alone but she called me to ask how I was doing the next day. I had just had another mental breakdown and was still sobbing when I picked up the phone and she was obviously concerned and I just kinda blurted it out. Of course she thought I was joking at first, asked me if I was on drugs or some shit (I don’t even do drugs lol) because I pretty much never cry. I then just kinda told her everything and it was really freeing. She was the first person I told. I then sent our other friend the tik tok of this and just let her react to it, then told her I wrote that and let Leah handle it. I’m really grateful for them, they have been insanely supportive. I’m still staying at home and they’re helping me to feed my cat and look after my plants for as long as I need. No judgement at any point, just them asking me how they can help. Get yourself friends like this. So, all in all, my dad is trash to no one‘s suprise, I might have mentally broken my brother, therapy works and my mother and friends are the best people on this planet. I‘ll keep answering questions for the next few days and I think after that I‘ll log out of this reddit account for good. Documenting and sharing this with people has really helped me and I appreciate all the comments, even if I cannot do much with them to help my recovery at the moment. Also the jokes are top tier, keep em coming. Everyone‘s tiptoeing on eggshells around me so it‘s nice to see the comments just go feral. I just want to feel normal again. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - Found out I‘ve been dating my father for almost four months.

CONCLUDED

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yoztix/oop_found_out_ive_been_dating_my_father_for/

yp0p25

[removed]

My housemate (25f) did something I (20f) consider morally unacceptable and its causing a lot of conflict in the house (6 students).

ONGOING

PedanticPlatypodes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp0p25/my_housemate_25f_did_something_i_20f_consider/

yp2c98

[removed]

Neighbors garage roof overhangs onto my garage

CONCLUDED

OntologicalParasites

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp2c98/neighbors_garage_roof_overhangs_onto_my_garage/

yp4jc4

[removed]

Am I in the wrong?

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp4jc4/am_i_in_the_wrong/

yp6xx5

[deleted]

My boyfriends brother is asking us to break up or he walks out of the family

Suspected Fake

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp6xx5/my_boyfriends_brother_is_asking_us_to_break_up_or/

yp7ti8

[removed]

OP found out daughter is not biological, left family, started a new family and now is reconnecting with his past.

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp7ti8/op_found_out_daughter_is_not_biological_left/

yp8t5p

[removed]

OOP's brother tries to force OOP to euthanize her healthy dog because of his poor parenting

INCONCLUSIVE

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp8t5p/oops_brother_tries_to_force_oop_to_euthanize_her/

yp8tc5

[removed]

Update1 : AITA for talking to my friend about a hygiene product.

NEW UPDATE

PipeExisting5508

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp8tc5/update1_aita_for_talking_to_my_friend_about_a/

yp8z9s

[removed]

OOP's brother tries to force OOP to euthanize her healthy dog because of his poor parenting

INCONCLUSIVE

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp8z9s/oops_brother_tries_to_force_oop_to_euthanize_her/

yp9qlz

[removed]

OOP's brother tries to force OOP to euthanize her healthy dog because of his poor parenting

INCONCLUSIVE

technicolorbuttcheek

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yp9qlz/oops_brother_tries_to_force_oop_to_euthanize_her/

ypghbe

[removed]

The Flairs. Anyone want to clue me in?

INCONCLUSIVE

O2Bee

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypghbe/the_flairs_anyone_want_to_clue_me_in/

yph56t

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/After_Ad9564 on r/TrueOffMyChest [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y6hjwq/im_losing_my_fianc%C3%A9_because_i_did_something/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - September 17, 2022 trigger: >!mention of SA, suicide!< I (m32) proposed to my fiancé (f39) 2 months ago and she said yes. I love her with all my heart. she's very sweet and intelligent and drop dead hot. Only problem that we were facing was that I haven't met her family because she has not had any contact with them for 20 years and for my family that's a red flag. Mum suggested to me that since we are engaged now they're my family too so we contacted them. Her mum was so sweet and she started crying the moment I introduced myself. Her father is also very kind.They talked to me about her childhood, how wonderful and kind she always been and it made a lot of sense what she turned up to be. I thanked them for raising such a beautiful human. I kept in touch with them and I soon met all her siblings. She has 3, then I introduced them to my family and I was happy they got along. Mum suggested then that the next step is to invite my future in laws to my parents house and take my fiancé there so she could finally work on the dispute that she had with them. She never told me and when we asked her parents they didn't know either. When she got there she screamed" what are they doing here!" and ran out. I have never heard her raise her voice like this before. I ran after her but she just drove off. I went back and apologized. Her mum was crying her eyes out and so were her sisters. her dad and brother looked cut up. When I went home she was crying and packing. She told me that she needed to move out and that she was staying with her friends. I also started crying and asked her to tell me what happened. When she was 18, her brother(19 at the time) r\*aped her best friend's little sister (then 17). He apparently had feelings for this girl for years but she never was interested so one New Year party he waited until she was very drunk and r\*aped her. He later boasted about how he finally had her and now can move on. He got away with it even when everybody knew he did but there was no evidence. My fiancé tried everything to help convict him because she was the one who overheard him boasting to his friends and discuss what he did to that girl. My finance's family did everything to protect him. A year later the girl committed suicide. That broke my fiancé who still suffers from severe depression.She said the indifference in her family's reaction when they found out about the girl's fate still makes her blood freeze in her veins. She knew she could never forgive them. The way she was talking, like this happened yesterday. I felt sick and I wished I didn't have to ask. I have seen her brother and how proud her parents are of their only boy who's successful and a father of two. I apologized and begged her to stay. Told her that had she told me all this before, I would never have brought them back to her life. she said that I should have trusted her judgment since I always boasted about how kind and just she was. She called me later and told me that she couldn't do this anymore. Today she left the ring while I was at work. and tok the last of her stuff. I feel like my world has turned upside down. Tell me what I should do to make her forgive me. She's so angry with me and my family and I totally understand her. Mum says that my fiancé is being overdramatic now and all this has happened so long ago and we should all move on since her family still loved and wanted her back. I don't know what to do. update: God morning. What a rough night I had after trying to read all your comments dms and messages. Filled with nightmares. I have called my fiancé before breakfast. I told her that I love her more thatn she even knows and that I know she loves me. That I never in a million years thought people who loved each other this much would break up. I apologized and promised to make it up to her for the rest of my life if she gave me a second chance. I told her we can move away from our families and I promised her that it would be the two of us from now on. Nobody will have a say in how we live our lives but us. She was crying the whole time and I must admit that I'm not a cryer myself but I haven't stopped crying since yesterday. I hope she gives me a new chance to make it up to her cheers [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y7ak0d/i_hurt_my_fianc%C3%A9_and_lost_her_trust_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - September 18, 2022 #I hurt my fiancé and lost her trust. update. I have a short update: I want to start by saying I've never experienced so much hate in my life before like what I got on my post from yesterday. I'm not mad however I appreciate that you took my fiancés (well, ex) party because she deserves all the love and support. I hurt her badly and I can't even describe how much I regret my actions. The only thing I can say is that it was never intentionally done to hurt her. I thought I was doing something good. We are no longer together. She said that she couldn't come back from this and that she wanted to be alone now. I told her that I love her like I never loved anyone before. I have loved her for over 10 years. She said that she loved me too but that she needed to do this on her own now. So we are done. I need a break now from everything and especially from my family. I will never blame my wretched behaviors on anybody. I chose to do the wrong thing, nobody made me but I still feel resentment towards everyone who helped me hurt my girl. I need to be alone now too. thank you again. ciao update: trigger: >!Abortion!< I mentioned earlier that my fiancé is been home on sick leave. her best friend called me now and we talked. my fiancé is pregnant and she's terminating it. She doesn't want me with her when she goes through with it. I am shattered now and I don't know if I ever can collect the pieces. How life can turn upside down in a matter of weeks. I lost everything and I only have myself to blame. this is the last update . [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y9xdgo/my_fianc%C3%A9_agreed_to_couples_therapy_but_without/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - September 21, 2022 #My fiancé agreed to couples therapy BUT without the promise of forgiving me or taking me back. I feel like I got a new shot at life I was hesitant to make this update because you hate me so and also I'm worried that your strong feelings of hatred will be misdirected to my fiancé. but I chose to write here the first time and I want to see it through and hopefully, people can learn from my mistakes, plus I'm anonymous so yeah... I want to thank the people who reached out in my dms, who didn't dare to comment out of fear of being downvoted all the way down to hell. thank you, your support helped me not lose my mind completely. This update is for you first and foremost because I literally can't answer all of you. My fiancé called me today after her appointment at her shrink. she asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her. she looked so sad and it broke my heart. this was the first time I saw her after she moved out. I just wanted to hug her and break down crying, ask her forgiveness but I didn't want to make it about me so I just kissed her cheek. she didn't talk for at least 30 minutes, just looked out of the window. I waited. she then told me that it didn't matter that I didnt hurt her intentionally, I just did. I agreed. she started talking about her appointment with her gyno. she's 6 weeks. we have been trying for a year, we never made a big fuss, we just thought that if it happened it happened but I know that she wanted a baby and that's why her friend friend told me because she was terrified that my fiancé is going to regret it. I told my fiancé that it was absolutely 100% her choice wether she wanted to keep it or not. but that she should never do either from a place of hurt seller anger. she should do it because it feels right for her. she then told me that she is going to think. little bit more. she also told me that she was ready to talk to my about her life with her family but never any details. and only in therapy sessions. she also said that she was ready to listen to me and what made me do this stupid thing t her. but also only in therapy. she also told me that she doesn't want to move back with me and that she wanted to postpone the wedding. she refused to take the ring back and said she will ask for it when/IF she thought we had a chance. she said that if we separate, she wants to know she's done everything. I told her I love her more than anything and she said she believed me and that she did too. we are starting therapy on Tuesday and will hopefully continue every week. I've spoken to her friend now and she said that my fiancé looks like she's feeling a bit better after our lunch and that she even made a joke. so I'm hopeful. have a lovely Friday [Update #3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yeqf8k/nobody_asked_but_heres_one_final_update_and_then/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - September 27, 2022 #Nobody asked but here's one final Update, and then I'll leave you be Boy I suck in this banana game here! ​ Look before you start the attack on me (also leave my baby alone, we are keeping them), I just want you to know that I love my girl. I have loved her for years, even before we got together and when she finally agreed to go out with me I started looking for rings. I have never done anything to hurt her before. She knows this and I appreciate that she took it into consideration before throwing me out of her life. What I did was unforgivable but sometimes good things can come from a bad situation. In our case, she will never have to carry that burden alone. I can finally share her secret and support her. After her initial feelings of anger and betrayal have calmed down I can see that she's tortured and while she has been in therapy for years she's still has a long way left until or if she comes to terms with what happened. I'm just glad that I can continue this journey with her. So we had our first session with a therapist. It was emotionally draining. I hated seeing her so hurt and but I realized how important it was. I always view her as this beautiful stubborn strong creature, and maybe I have handled her accordingly. She is tough so I can be tough. you get me? Beside therapy, she has asked for space, and I would have obliged had she not called me every night to talk for hours (how cute is that?) Last night I asked her to move back and she didn't hung up. She didn't answer me first and we continued talking about other things. Before saying good night she told me that she wanted to come home. We will continue therapy but she is moving back tomorrow and that's why I'm making this update now. When she's home I don't want to be busy answering comments. Since we both have no relationship with our families we are contemplating an elopement around Christmas. A wedding seems too excessive and waste of money(planned for august next year). Instead, we could do something small and romantic for our friends and maybe donate the rest of the budget. This idea excited her very much and she already started planning and dreaming while I listened. I just fucking love this woman. **Again I am not OP**

OOP is losing his fiancé because he did something against her wish

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TheDarkySupreme

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yph56t/oop_is_losing_his_fiancé_because_he_did_something/

ypm1tq

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Update 2 AITA for not apologizing when a mother is refusing to come back home to her own child if I don’t.

NEW UPDATE

PipeExisting5508

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypm1tq/update_2_aita_for_not_apologizing_when_a_mother/

ypo2gr

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OOP Gets Revenge on Her Boyfriend and BFF For Cheating

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incognegro1976

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypo2gr/oop_gets_revenge_on_her_boyfriend_and_bff_for/

ypo58i

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OOP receives a text from her husband that was supposed to be for the AP. OOP deals with the pain in the most hilarious way

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypo58i/oop_receives_a_text_from_her_husband_that_was/

ypocn4

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OOP receives the text that her husband was sending to his AP. OOP is hilarious

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypocn4/oop_receives_the_text_that_her_husband_was/

yppod4

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OOP receives a text that her husband was supposed to send to his AP (OOP is hilarious)

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yppod4/oop_receives_a_text_that_her_husband_was_supposed/

yppqzy

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AITA for rarely wanting to go to restaurants because my girlfriend makes better food?

NEW UPDATE

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yppqzy/aita_for_rarely_wanting_to_go_to_restaurants/

ypqfnw

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/raedwaldrex in r/stepparents** ---   [**Step-Daughter says she hates me and wished I'd get Covid so "I wouldn't be around anymore"**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/kqy59e/stepdaughter_says_she_hates_me_and_wished_id_get/) - 5 January 2021 Sorry, long first post but want to get it off my chest So I have a stepdaughter who is 14. Ive been with her mother since she was 4, she doesn't see her biological father at all (his choice) and he has played no role in her life, I'm the only father figure she's really had other than her grandfather. We used to be fairly close, up until she was around 12 or so and then it was like someone had flipped a switch. She's constantly disrespectful, says hurtful things like she wishes I was dead and even goes to great lengths to avoid seeing me or being near me. She is only ever nice to me if I have something she needs or wants, like money or if I'm making her food or something. So her school called our house phone today to see how she was and made sure she had all she needed to do her school work as we are back in lockdown. She bought the phone back in to me after the call and I asked if everything was OK. We had a semi-normal conversation for a change until she said she wanted to go back to school. I told her she couldn't as her mum is extremely vulnerable and if she got covid and passed it to her she would get extremely ill. SD: If I passed it to you would you survive? Me: I don't know SD: well I hope you get it and don't, then you wouldn't be around anymore. I've spoken to my wife repeatedly about the things she says and she has spoken to her but the response she gets is that my Step Daughter hates me and always has and any time she's been with me (like when I took her to the football or went out geocaching with her, she was faking enjoying spending time with me) and all those times in the past when she's said she wants to call me "dad" were fake too. It breaks my heart. I feel like I've done something to change her view of me but I don't know what as she won't say. She won't give a reason why she says she hates me and she always has. I tend to stay out of her way, to avoid it all which makes me sad and causes tension with my wife sometimes. Is this normal behaviour? My wife says its normal teen girl lashing out behaviour but even her friends have pulled her up on it when they've been round in the past and heard what she says to me. I tend to let it slide mostly but that Covid thing, that was harsh. **Edit:** So this has blown up way more than I expected. Thanks for all the responses there is much for us to look into. Much to my surprise she's decided to spend the evening with us playing a board game with just me and my wife which is good as its allowed us to have a proper chat. My wife has got her to apologise, and I told her how much that stuff hurts me. We’ve gone through some stuff briefly and she is very anxious about school, her life, where she fits in the world. We think she may have anxiety as she's over worrying about things she shouldn't be and things she thought we'd be mad about but aren't really (her choice of partner and what she wants to focus on exams wise) I've just told her I want her to be happy and whatever she chooses to do I'll support her. **Edit 2:** Incidentally, I'd recommend the game "Where is Moldova" brilliant board game. Not quite up there with Zombocide bit we like it.   [**An update from my original post about SD wanting me to get COVID**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/ll4804/an_update_from_my_original_post_about_sd_wanting/) - 16 February 2021 Hello all. You may have seen my previous post about the issues I was having with my step daughter Well I didn't know where to put this but just had to put it out there, so yesterday I took my youngest (my biogical) son to the park and much to my surprise she wanted to come too. Cue the following conversation. SD: Can I tell you something. ME: Yes, of course SD: You do know I don't actually hate you right? Just wanted you to know that. ME: Thanks for telling me, I love you too I feel so happy now. We are in such a better place and its a load off. Her general attitude around me is much better, and I think now she knows I'm there for her, for good, it has helped. Just wanted to post this somewhere as it's brightened lockdown up so much knowing that. For anyone else, stick at it. Step parenting is so hard but it's worth it in the end.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Step-Daughter says she hates me and wished I'd get Covid so "I wouldn't be around anymore"

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypqfnw/stepdaughter_says_she_hates_me_and_wished_id_get/

yprdh1

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/irishlyrucked **in** r/AmItheAsshole   trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!Happy!<   [**AITA for telling my fiancee that if her cousin gets married on our wedding day that they won't be welcome at our wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i5eqfx/aita_for_telling_my_fiancee_that_if_her_cousin/) \- 7th August 2020 My fiancée, Nicole, and I had chosen our wedding date, booked the venue, and notified the immediate members of the family of the date and the pending save the date mailings. Nicole's cousin, Amber, found out that we had announced the date and called Nicole upset that we had booked a wedding on her wedding date. We were confused because Amber and her boyfriend weren't even engaged, but she and her boyfriend claimed that they knew that was the date they were getting married. They were going to do a courthouse wedding with their families, then wanted to come to our wedding. I told everyone I wasn't comfortable with that because Amber's side of the family are completely self-centered, and I didn't want them trying to take over our wedding/reception. I stood my ground and told Amber and her boyfriend that if they got married on our wedding day, they wouldn't be welcome, and I'd let the planner and venue staff that they would be turned away, and I'd be willing to hire extra staff to make sure they were refused entry. We also found out that the boyfriend lost his job, which just cements my thoughts that they're trying to get a free reception out of my and my fiancée. Nicole is upset with me because they're family, but I'm just tired of Amber and her boyfriend trying to make every situation about themselves, now including our wedding. So, AITA? Edited to fix paragraphs and no, not getting married on Halloween Edit 2 My fiancée doesn't want to share the wedding/reception for those assuming she wants to. She just doesn't want to deal with the familial fight that will break out between her side of the family and Amber's side of the family. Her parents are paying 1/2 I'm paying 1/4 and my parents are paying 1/4 We're not getting married on a weekday. The city Amber lives in has Saturday hours for the JP courts for weddings.   **Verdict - NTA** ​ [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/il8a51/update_aita_for_telling_my_fiancee_that_if_her/) \- 2nd September 2020 Well everyone, a lot has happened in the last few weeks. Nicole's cousin and fiancée have announced their wedding date...two weeks after ours. It came down to a comment I made in front of Nicole's twin sister (Brittany). Amber had announced their engagement, and said that they were getting married in October, but no specific date. The three of us were chatting about things when Brittany brought up the announcement and mentioned how it seemed they were trying to steal the spotlight again, and I muttered about them even stealing the wedding day. Nicole had said she talked to Brittany about it, and she had, but didn't tell her they were doing it on the same day. Brittany lost her mind about it. She three-way called Amber and Amber's mom and read them the riot act. It was both glorious, and extremely uncomfortable to listen to. There's a lot of...stuff...between those parts of the families. Brittany told them they had a week to figure out when in October they were getting married other than our wedding day, or she would tell everyone in the family what they were trying to do. Amber's mom tried to downplay it all, but Brittany wasn't having any of it. Even though she's about 5 minutes older than Nicole, she was acting like she was a much older protective sister. It was a long phone call, but in the end they figured the jig was up. A few days later they announced the date, but since Amber's fiancé lost his job, and their families can't afford a traditional wedding, they're only inviting a small portion of their original guest list, and having a zoom wedding. Luckily, we don't get back from our honeymoon until the day after their wedding. Shucks!   **UPDATE on 16th October 2020** Happy news, everyone. The wedding went off this past weekend, and not only did my wife's cousin not get married on our wedding day, she dressed as a normal guest. She did, however, get drunk and pee in some bushes. No one in her family was surprised to hear about that.   *Thanks to u/corduroyclementine for helping correct the timeline* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - Fiancée's cousin tries to hijack the wedding.

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raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yprdh1/oop_fiancées_cousin_tries_to_hijack_the_wedding/

ypsk9h

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[URGENT] My idiot brother has mopped our entire brand new wooden flooring with weedkiller. Need help figuring out how to fix his mistake before Dad gets back or he will be executed

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robendboua

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypsk9h/urgent_my_idiot_brother_has_mopped_our_entire/

yptsuf

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by a now deleted user in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yghell/i_cheated_on_my_wife_three_years_ago_she_agreed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (29 Oct 22) **I cheated on my wife three years ago. She agreed to forgive me if we opened the marriage but now I live in agony every day** So basically my wife (39) found out that I (41) have been hooking up with a woman I met online who lived 2h away. When the woman visited we checked into a hotel. This went on for 3 months and we had met a handful of times when my wife caught us. she was waiting in the hotel lobby and saw us coming down from the room. She left me the next day. ​ We separated for 8 months and they were terrible on all of us especially the children (m9, f7 and f3). We started talking about getting back together. My wife thought that since our sexlife wasn't enough for me, and that she was sure I will cheat on her again, we might as well open the marriage. I told her no because I've learned my mistake but she wouldn't waver. I relented. We decided(she did) not to tell each other the when, where and with whom. ​ Now, over two years later, we are back to normal on the outside. On the inside I'm dying a little each day. Every time I see her happy I wonder if this is just her old bubbly self or if she was thinking of someone. She is a very beautiful woman and I'm sure she has no problems finding men who want her. Whenever she takes a shower after coming home, whenever she rejects my advances I think that she has been with someone and that kills me. I have tried to discuss closing the marriage again but she shuts these attempts very quickly with the divorce card. Before all this happened we had amazing sex several times week but now, we have probably done it 4-5 times these past 3 years. She demands I use protection and she refuses to let me eat her or make her cum in any way. I stopped asking because the sex is painfully bad now. I haven't slept with anybody else because the look on my wife's face in that lobby still makes me sick with guilt. ​ I don't know how much more I can take. I love my wife and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Will she ever stop punishing me? Have you ever forgiven a cheating spouse and stopped punishing them? What's going on in her head? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yhf9ga/updatei_cheated_on_my_wife_three_years_ago_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (31 Oct 22) **Update:I cheated on my wife three years ago. She agreed to forgive me if we opened the marriage but now I live in agony every day** Thank you everybody for the reality check. The general consensus that I gathered from the comments (I never thought there will be so many, I'm still reading them), is that you believe that my wife doesn't love me any more. It's probably the truth. She is staying with me for the children and I fully understand her. I love my children too and I want to be in their lives all the time, every day. We have worked so hard for the beautiful life we have and we did it all primarily for the sake of our children. I will not ruin that now for selfish reasons. I have decided to stop hoping/wanting/demanding love and forgiveness from her, instead I will accept that I will always live with this guilt. that's only fair. I will enjoy the other aspects of our marriage. Like raising our beautiful children with an amazing person like her and watch them grow up to be the good human beings they are. I will always love my wife and I will always regret what I have done but I need to move on too, I'm going to seek help for my mental health and probably start seeing other people too when or if I'm ready. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - I cheated on my wife three years ago. She agreed to forgive me if we opened the marriage but now I live in agony every day

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prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yptsuf/oop_i_cheated_on_my_wife_three_years_ago_she/

ypturu

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted] in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for treating my adopted children the same as my biological child**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yf1x0y/aita_for_treating_my_adopted_children_the_same_as/) - 27 October 2022 Me (44M) and my wife Ami (43) have a biological son Ethan (16) and an adopted son Aiden and daughter Gracie (16, 12). We adopted Aiden and Gracie 10 years ago. We have been talking about colleges for a while with the boys and they both want to stay together wherever they go. We have college funds for all three children with the same amount in so they will be able to afford to go if they decide to. My mother died and left me a lot of money and I used it to fund their accounts as I thought this was more important than paying off our mortgage that we are comfortably paying each month. The more the boys talk about college the more Ami gets upset with how much money it’s going to cost. This all ended up in a huge argument between us with her calling me a AH. She apparently is happy to fund Ethan’s college but only part for Aiden and Gracie. I told her this isn’t fair as they are all our kids not just Ethan. He doesn’t mean more just because he has our DNA. I told her it was my inheritance and I can do what I want with it and I wanted to make sure the kids had a good start to life. She said that she deserves stuff too and me spending all the money on the kids means she doesn’t get what she wants. She left a few days ago and I haven’t heard anything from her. I thought kids didn’t hear the fight but today Aiden came down and said sorry for causing a fight between us and that he is grateful that I stood up for him and Gracie. My heart went out for him and I said that I will always stand up for him and that I loved him and Gracie. He said I know but I’m not sure about mom. So am I the AH? Should I compromise a bit to keep Ami happy? Verdict: NTA **UPDATE** I am putting this on here but please still keep sending your opinions as you may say something I haven’t yet thought of. I will try and answer as many questions as I can The adoption was her idea as it was her cousin and his wife that were losing custody of the kids. Sadly they are no longer with us and haven’t contributed to their upbringing at all. I work full time and pay all the mortgage and bills. She works part time just for something to do. She keeps her money. This was agreed and is not an issue. I have explained in another comment this situation. The house is in my name as I inherited it from my grandfather. I took out a mortgage to remodel when we adopted the kids. All three kids are in therapy. Ethan doesn’t necessarily need it but he felt he was missing out on something so he goes too. They have group and separate therapy which was recommended to us. Ami left a few days ago. She is safe with her sister but has not contacted us in any way. I hoped she would at least contact the kids but no. I don’t think I can be with her anymore as I can’t see how she can repair the relationship with the kids. I think her coming back now will be detrimental to their well-being and it’s something I can’t risk. In no way will I abandon Ami though. I love her with all my heart and if there is something going on that I don’t know about then she needs help and her family abandoning her is going to cause more harm than good. I am willing to support her but not be a couple at the moment. If it’s just that she is greedy and selfish then she can forget about having any kind of relationship with me. I guess I will find out in the next few months. Also I don’t think of Ethan as my biological son and Aiden and Gracie as my adopted children. They are all my kids. Biological and adopted aren’t words I use day to day when describing my children. My post was worded this way to make it easier for people to understand. I thought this would have been obvious but according to the messages I have been getting apparently not! Thank you for all your comments. I knew I was in the right but sometimes you just need a stranger to say it and point out some things that you have missed **UPDATE** Ami asked me to meet her without the kids so I did. She said she was sorry about trying to get the money spent on her. I explained that we could do all the stuff she wanted to do within reason just not out of their funds. She admitted she was wrong and that I’m not a AH. However she doesn’t want any help from me (she is aware that she has issues but wouldn’t tell me what) I said that I would do anything she needs but she wasn’t interested. She did say that she hates that Ethan is so close to Aiden and it was ruining her child. Obviously I will never tell either of the boys that and it did prove to me that Aiden and Gracie may be her problem. She is moving to Canada to live with her mom. I don’t care what she gets up to there. She didn’t want to have any more contact with the children. Didn’t even want to say goodbye so I let her go.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for treating my adopted children the same as my biological child?

CONCLUDED

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypturu/aita_for_treating_my_adopted_children_the_same_as/

ypvdpe

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/prolife/comments/s01jkx/please_pray_for_my_family_and_unborn_grandchild) Jan 9, 2022 Mods, please approve my post despite being a new account as my husband knows my main account. My 20 year old daughter “Lily” is in her sophomore year of college at an Ivy league school out of state where she got scholarships/financial aid and got pregnant by her boyfriend “Matt” who she then discovered is cheating on her. She dumped him for cheating and now said she plans to abort the baby she is 10 weeks pregnant with and I am devastated because my husband and older daughter ”Kara” (22) plan to help her do this despite my objections that it is wrong of Lily to abort her baby out of inconvenience. I thought we were a Catholic family that like all Mexican families puts family above everything, but my husband in particular is doing the thing where he is justifying and rationalising the abortion because it is Lily and “I don’t want her life ruined”. Lily said she “deserves a better baby daddy and better situation” if she has kids in the future and got angry when I told her that the time for her to decide if she was willing to have him as the father of her child was before she had sex with him, but she got very mad when I saw that and told me it is not her fault she was lied to and cheated on. I don’t disagree with that, but disliking that Matt cheated is not justifiable reason to murder a child. My husband said having the baby will ruin Lily’s life. I said this doesn’t have to. I told Lily what we can do is have her transfer here to a nearby state college and I will drop down to part time work to help while she continues school and we will raise the baby together. She told me “no fucking way” because “I’m not going to Arizona State where fucking anyone can get in instead of [Ivy League] because there is a big difference in prestige and I don’t to give up where I am going”. I told her that actions have consequences and Kara went off at me saying I sound like a “crazy forced birther”. Lily said she doesn’t WANT to raise the child, and then I told her that she needs to take responsibility for having sex, she rolled her eyes at me, told me to “join us in 2022 where people don’t have to be moms until they want to and I DON’T WANT TO RIGHT NOW, I’M ONLY 20”. Lily wants to go to an Ivy League law school and then move to New York City and “a baby would totally fuck that up”. I offered to totally adopt the baby and raise it for her, just please don’t murder it and Lily said “I don’t want to be pregnant with this fucking baby and am getting rid of it, you need to accept that” and hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. This is driving a huge wedge between both my husband and I, Kara and I, and Lily and I, and I am at a loss what to do. Please pray for my family. I also don’t know if I can stay in my marriage if my husband follows through with his promise to drive Lily back to her college, take her to get the abortion, and help her out for a few days while she recovers. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/prolife/comments/s2kol2/they_murdered_my_grandbaby/) Jan 12, 2022 Following on from my previous post - my husband and my oldest daughter "Kara" drove my pregnant 20 year daughter "Lily" back to college while I was at work yesterday, and they just informed me Lily had a surgical abortion today and it went "safely" and she is now recovering. My precious first grandbaby was murdered My youngest two daughters (I have 4, and a son aged 12) found me sobbing. "Andi" who is 16 said "it was the best thing for Lily", whole "Emma" who is 14 said "I don't think I could have an abortion personally, but it was Lily's body and her choice mom, you need to get over it". I haven't spoken to my son about it. I am so devastated that I basically have 4 daughters convinced by the world that it is OK to have consensual sex and then murder the children they create just so they can stay at a certain college or because they don't want to "get fat and covered in stretch marks and never" as Lily so horribly put it. i'm horrified how selfish my daughter has become, choosing baby murder over the temporary inconvenience of pregnancy, choosing an Ivy league school and killing her baby over finishing college in Arizona and giving life to the child she made through consensual sex. I'm heartbroken. And my husband aided and abetted her. I never wanted to be a divorcee, but I don't think I can stay in the relationship and Andi and Emma have told me they want to live with Dad if I do because I am being so "backward and controlling". Please keep praying. I feel so lost. I feel like Jesus and the Virgin have forsaken me. *i couldn't recover update 2* [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/prolife/comments/w1m5v9/my_daughter_has_become_a_radical_proabort_after/) July 7, 2022 My second oldest daughter abandoned her faith and family values by aborting an unplanned pregnancy because she wanted to stay at her ivy league instead if coming back home to allow me to help her raise her sweet baby. She didn't want to be tied to her cheating ex boyfriend even though the decision they made to have sex was consensual. My husband aided and abetted her to get the abortion. Our relationship has been strained ever since and he has started talking divorce because I'm an "unsupportive mother" for not wanting my grandchild murdered for my daughter's preference for New England to Arizona! My two oldest daughters have become huge pro-abort activist since the fall of Roe. The daughter who aborted went to the huge protest in New York City with a sign that said "My abortion was the best choice I've ever made". She posted it on Instagram. She wrote in the comments that she was 20 and still in college and newly single and her life would have been over if she was "forced" to have a baby (no mention of the fact she willingly took the risk of making that person!). I replied to it listing all the help I offered her because she was painting herself like her life would be over and she'd be living in a box with no money to feed her baby if she had it. She deleted my comment and told me to "watch it or I will block you from my social media". I have been told both her and my oldest daughter have been making disgusting pro-Roe TikToks. I barred my youngest daughters from looking at their social media but my husband overruled me. I am trying to raise my children in the faith, like we pledged to on our wedding day, and he doesn't care. All 4 of my daughters are pro choice. I don't understand where I went so very wrong raising them. I did everything I could to teach them the value of life, faith and family. I asked my daughter who aborted how she will explain this content to her children in the future and she rolled her eyes and said she never want children because she'd rather travel, have a career and have money and children are "annoying" and she doesn't want to end up like me, which broke my heart because I've dedicated my life to being a good Catholic and a good mother and doing the right things and my children are all abandoning our family values. [Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/prolife/comments/wfcgp5/i_should_be_welcoming_my_first_grandchild_but_he/) Aug 3, 2022 My 21 year old daughter should be cradling a bump right now as she prepares for the greatest thing a woman can do - motherhood. She should be putting the final touches on a nursery, getting excited to meet her greatest blessing. Maybe the baby would have come a little early, and she'd be on the couch right now, nursing her sweet precious son or daughter and looking at them with love in her eyes. But my grandchild was murdered. My husband and her older sister took her for an abortion. I offered that she could move back home and we'd raise the child together, but she refused because she wanted to stay at her Ivy League college and didn't want to be a mom. I offered to adopt and raise my precious grandchild, she refused because she is so selfish she didn't want to be pregnant and "ruin her body". It breaks my heart how selfish she is, it is hard to look at her and her sister who have become radical pro abort activists. Their sisters are following in their footsteps and I hate the way the world has turned against family and faith. There is nothing good about society's new direction. I wonder so often if I'd have had a sweet granddaughter who'd have her own quince one day or whether I'd have had a lovely little boy who liked football. I'd have made sure they knew the Lord, and I'd have done anything for them, the way you do for family until my daughter forgot that faith and family are what life is all about. Please pray my daughters see the errors of their ways, please pray my son (13) doesn't end up like his sisters and grows up to be a man of faith who raises a godly family one day, please pray for the soul of my grandchild, please pray to end abortion and the murdering of our precious children. [Update 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholic/comments/wgxo9m/please_pray_for_me_my_husband_wants_a_divorce_as/) Aug 5, 2022 My family has been ripped apart as they have abandoned our faith and values. My daughter, who I will call "Lily" became pregnant while studying at her University in the North East. She learned this while at home for the holidays, having broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her. She decided to abort for selfish reasons - wanting to remain at her Ivy league school, not wanting superficial changes to her body, wanting to punish her ex and not thinking he was good enough to father her child when that is a decision to make before having sex, not wanting to transfer to the local Arizona State University because she prefers Yale, not wanting to give up moving to New York after graduation, and frivolous things like travel. I'm devastated at my husband for supporting Lily’s selfishness. One our wedding day we pledged to be people of faith and family and he has broken that. my daughters are all pro aborts, the oldest two activists. My heart breaking. I've prayed for the Lord to call them back to their faith and it is not happening. My daughter acts like a child would have ruined her life. and not been her greatest blessing. The baby would have been due around now. I cry thinking about how she should be cradling a bump, finishing up a nursery, maybe even already nursing her sweet son od daughter if they came a little early. Instead she thinks the most beautiful calling for a woman is ruining your life. And I am so heartbroken my grandchild was murdered in the bomb. I will love and miss them forever. Now my husband wants to divorce. I reminded him we are Catholic and do not do that but he wishes to proceed. I'm so lost. Please pray for me.

Religious pro-life woman is against her daughter getting an abortion. She destroys her marriage and relationship with her daughter while doing so.

INCONCLUSIVE

riverstyxoath

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypvdpe/religious_prolife_woman_is_against_her_daughter/

ypvwjl

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Amazing_PandaBear49 in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!cheating!< mood spoilers: >!sad!< ---   [I(F22) am jealous of the relationship between my boyfriend(M21) and the girl(F22) who has a crush on him](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ye0i5e/if22_am_jealous_of_the_relationship_between_my/) - (26 Oct 2022) I have never really put this into words but here it goes. A few weeks after my boyfriend and I started dating I overheard a group of girls talking and one of them mentioned that my boyfriend was cute and she had a crush on him. I didn't pay too much attention to it because it's honestly not a big deal and I can't control how people feel. A few months after that I heard my boyfriend talking about how he likes the way she carries herself and he started talking to and hanging out with her more. This didn't really bother me either what bothers me is that he lies about it. I could hear them laughing in his room together or hear her go to his room (we stay in mixed student accommodation and they are both kind of my neighbors when they open and close their doors I can hear it in my room) and he would lie when I ask him who he was with or where he has been. He doesn't laugh like that with me and the way they talk to each other just makes me feel weird. I don't want to mention it to him because I don't want to push him into her arms and I can't tell my friends because I know what they would say and it would make me feel worse so I'm writing it here. What can I do to make these feelings go away?   [Update: I(F22) am jealous of the relationship between my boyfriend(M21) and the girl(F22) who has a crush on him](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ygo5yd/update_if22_am_jealous_of_the_relationship/) - (29 Oct 2022) Thank you all for the comments. Here is a little update on what has happened since I last posted. While we were hanging out last night, he got a call that seemed a little suspicious. It wasn't the first time he acted like this when getting a call but it was the first time I actually took note of it. He left the room to answer it and when he came back he pretended like someone had called the wrong number (he was on the phone for 5 minutes or so). I was feeling uneasy about it so I decided to look at his call log and there I found multiple calls to and from someone whose contact name was "LOML followed by the heart emoji, the world emoji, and another emoji I can't remember" that was the call he stepped out to answer. I looked at the contact and it was a picture of the girl on all of his devices. He told me that they were cousins and because they were both only children they were really close and that's why she is his wallpaper. I believed him because I have a sister and I'm really close with her so it kind of made sense. I don't know what to feel. I looked through their messages and it looks like they have been together since last year. This post started out with me being jealous but I was honestly not expecting to find this and I am so heartbroken. I don't even know if I should be heartbroken, I'm not the one being cheated on. It seems the girl who had a crush on him is the least of my worries. Thank you all for the advice ❤   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP: I(F22) am jealous of the relationship between my boyfriend(M21) and the girl(F22) who has a crush on him

CONCLUDED

PedanticPlatypodes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypvwjl/oop_if22_am_jealous_of_the_relationship_between/

ypvym9

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/snowfallicy in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for disabling my bf's access to my peleton account when he wasn't talking to me?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qjusug/aita_for_disabling_my_bfs_access_to_my_peleton/) - 31 October 2021 So my boyfriend has had a rough 2020 because he loves to travel and he got laid off from his job at a very big commercial airline that allowed him to travel the world for free. Learning his uncle was diagnosed with cancer in December just added insult to the injury. He went into a pretty deep depression and gained a considerable amount of weight and I've tried to be supportive by letting him use all of my memberships for free so he can save money while he looks for a job, have been cooking healthy meals, and I gave him access to my Peleton account so he could do his own work-outs from home while I am at work. We got into a really big argument last week because I fell asleep during a movie. This is his pet peeve, and there have been times in the past where he has stormed out of my place because I have fallen asleep during movies or shows he's suggested. When we were in therapy at one point, he said when I fall asleep it makes him feel like I'm disengaged, and I totally respected that and promised I would inform him when I was either too tired to watch something, or was getting sleepy while we were watching something. Last weekend, he suggested we watch a documentary and 15 minutes into the documentary, he asked me if I was falling asleep and I said I was getting sleepy, but I wasn't sleeping. Two minutes later, he insisted that I was sleeping. He said he could hear me breathing loudly, and when I denied it, he accused me of lying about falling asleep. He said the problem wasn't that I was sleeping, it was that I was lying about it. I told him I was tired and did not want to deal with this tantrums and we called it night. When I texted him the following morning, I didn't hear back so I started to get worried. I saw that he had accessed my Peleton account less than an hour before and figured maybe he is still upset and he's just needs space. But he didn't call or text me back that day for five days and continued to use my account each of those five days. When I still haven't heard a word from him after 5 days, I disabled his access to my account. He accused me of being emotionally abusive when I did that. According to him, I should have known he is not in a good place right now and might need space. He claimed to be doing some 14-day mind/body/meditation challenge that I interfered with. I felt bad, but I told him he could have communicated that to me, but since he chose to ghost me instead, I had no way of knowing. AITA? Verdict: NTA **Update:** He came over tonight to talk and I broke things off. The first words out of his mouth were, "What do you have to say for yourself?" We didn't end up talking for long. I asked for my key back and I hugged him politely at the end (this was nothing like our first break up where I was bawling my eyes out). He sent his roommate over to my place immediately after we talked to return most of my belongings (which I didn't ask for), but among them: a sentimental portrait of us, a blender, a scrunchy, and *one* beat up Nike sandal. He told his roommate to relay the message that once he found the other sandal, he would send that too. I told his roommate not to even bother, he can throw it away. Thank you savage internet strangers for the harsh wake up call today. FTS. I'm done.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for disabling my bf's access to my peleton account when he wasn't talking to me?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypvym9/aita_for_disabling_my_bfs_access_to_my_peleton/

ypxm7s

This is a repost. original post by u/sexi_squidward in r/Genealogy [DNA is throwing us all through a loop - HELP NEEDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/Genealogy/comments/xvmpdk/dna_is_throwing_us_all_through_a_loop_help_needed/) So a LONG time ago, I did 23&Me and was surprised when a person showed up as my 1st cousin, once removed that no one in my family knows who he (John Jr) is. We've talked back and forth and for awhile we believed it was a connection on his mom's side and possibly my mom's dad's side. HOWEVER, a recent turn in events points that it's likely the opposite. I had taken a break from ancestry so I missed when the 1950 census came out and recently logged into my account and decided to have a look. So, my mom's mom (my grandmother), was married to her first husband and living with him...and 3 doors down John's (dad and grandfather) family lived! So this opened up a whole new can of worms. John isn't really into ancestry and assumed that perhaps my grandmother had an affair with his uncle but that doesn't track or show how we'd be related. So, I pieced together this map using DNA Painter - and that's leading to a new problem. For this to add up, his father's birth parents would have to be...both my great-grandparents? Am I reading that right? (red is my family, blue is his) Notes: John Sr was born in 1935. John Jr was born around 1960. Felice was born in 1930. Susan was born 1955. --- **UPDATE** [I accidently discovered that my mom was the result of an affair.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Genealogy/comments/yjlogw/i_accidently_discovered_that_my_mom_was_the/) UPDATE FROM THIS POST, though now with more story: https://www.reddit.com/r/Genealogy/comments/xvmpdk/dna_is_throwing_us_all_through_a_loop_help_needed/ This has been an ongoing ordeal though we now have confirmation so I'm posting this: About 4-5 years ago I took a 23&Me test to see where my ancestors hailed from. Spoiler alert: I'm 100% White, and mostly British/Irish. Very exciting stuff. On 23&Me, you can see all the people who also took tests that connect to you and a random man popped up as my First Cousin, Once removed. I chatted back and forth with the guy (JOHN) and we couldn't place how we fit into each other's families. I had theories but nothing substantial, plus I was still new to ancestry research. Nowadays, I hobby in looking up family history. So flashforward to this year. In April 2022, they released the 1950 Census. I had taken a break from ancestry stuff so I hadn't looked at it for a few months. My mom texted me a random ancestry question so I popped onto the site to give her the answer when I remembered the census - so I looked at the census. Small backstory My grandmother was married three times. Her first marriage ended after a couple of years and produced no children. Her 2nd marriage was to my "grandfather" and they had 6 children. He was abusive and not a great dude. Her third marriage was a short marriage that produced 2 children. ALL of her children idolize her. She was an amazing mother and worked multiple jobs to provide for her 8 children. 1950 Census I knew my grandmother was with her first husband at the time so I was curious to see what it had to say. To my immediate surprise, John's family was living not 2 doors down from her! This was the first piece of information I had that connected our families! By this time, I had a better understanding of ancestry and DNA, that I started making some pretty big revelations that I had missed: I don't connect to ANY of my grandfather's extended family. I think I just accepted my family tree as is because we had no reason to believe such a thing... especially since my mom is one of 8 kids and is the SECOND child in her family. So as soon as I figured this out, I freaked out and called my mom and told her that she NEEDS to take the test as well, with her oldest sister (who I'm 99% certain is the daughter of my supposed grandfather due to looks). My mom is in straight denial but with my sister's help we get her and her sister a test. 23&Me I had been checking my 23&Me daily, waiting for my mom's results to show up because I knew she'd miss the email. So, Saturday morning we get the results and SURPRISE - my mom and aunt are HALF sisters. So I let John know and now he has his cousins taking the test. We're 100% sure we're right...especially when I started looking up my mom's new siblings and the one guy is literally a male version of her in HS. It's uncanny haha. My mom is still reeling a bit. I know she loved her (step)dad as a father but he was a terrible dude and she's aware of it. Which makes this a bit more interesting as he was possibly in jail when she was conceived or let out and then she had the affair. I've been struggling to find the date he was released. He was sentenced for a year starting in November 1954 (Mom would have been conceived about mid April 1955, born at the end of December) but I know he was let out early, when ???? it's a mystery. My mom's siblings are pretty upset with the "accusations" of their mother having an affair and/or being "loose." In al honesty, I'm actually happy to not be related the man we thought was our grandfather. Dude was married, with a baby daughter at home, and he "assisted" his BROTHER in sexually assaulting a 17 year old! There's a lot to unpack here - so I'm happy if my grandmother had a moment of clarity and had an affair with another guy because WHY WOULD YOU GO BACK TO SOMEONE WHO WAS GUILTY OF THIS?! So here we are now. :|

DNA is throwing us all through a loop - HELP NEEDED

INCONCLUSIVE

FlipDaly

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypxm7s/dna_is_throwing_us_all_through_a_loop_help_needed/

ypzz0x

[removed]

My girlfriend has been avoiding me ever since her ex passed away

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ypzz0x/my_girlfriend_has_been_avoiding_me_ever_since_her/

yq0lyp

**i am NOT OP. original post by [Ok_Broccoli_9710](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ok_Broccoli_9710/) on r/legaladvice** TW: >!mention of child porn!< ______________________________________ [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/yiwknp/daughter_recoded_having_sex_without_her_knowledge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted on Oct 31 2022 My daughter is 16, and she had sex with a boy who is 17. He recorded it on a phone without her knowledge and then send the recording around to multiple other kids. The interaction was consensual according to her (and apparently the video, which I cannot bring myself to watch but my wife has seen it). But I want to know if we can go after him for recoding her and passing it around even if they are both minors. The school got involved and that's how we even found our about it. [update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/yji643/update_daughter_recorded_having_sex_nv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted on Nov 1 2022 It's been an awful day with a lot of back and forth but it boils down to this: my daughter DID know she was being recorded and she is proven to have participated in passing around the video. She also has videos of three other encounters with other boys on her phone. Everyone is minors. Now the boys parents are saying if we all drop it everyone drops it. Or if they get in trouble so does my daughter, and based on the advice in my original post it sounds like she's just as much at fault. I'm devastated that she has behaved like this and lied to us. She probably needs counseling or to go to a different school, from what we can tell a lot of kids have seen the videos.

Daughter recorded having sexual without her knowledge. NV.

CONCLUDED

bitchjeans

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yq0lyp/daughter_recorded_having_sexual_without_her/

yq4f8w

[removed]

AITA for telling my landlord about my roommates boyfriend?

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yq4f8w/aita_for_telling_my_landlord_about_my_roommates/

yq4mk0

[removed]

Joe Pera Live!!

ONGOING

Emergency-Draft7011

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yq4mk0/joe_pera_live/

yq7q7t

[**Original post (and Allison's response)**](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html) \[March 2, 2020\] I work in an office where I’m the only person who can do 75% of my job, but there’s a second person who can do essential functions. We have a policy that only one of the two of us is allowed to request advance time off at a given time (so one of us is always in, barring emergencies). I’m getting married in October, and in relation to that requested — and was approved for — two days before the wedding and the two weeks following. I don’t take much time off and have more than enough “in the bank” to cover that with some left over. It was approved immediately by my supervisor. Since then, my close coworker (Jane, who covers some of my essential duties) first started asking if I really “need” that much time off. She then dropped a bit of a bombshell on me and said that she “really needs to go to Florida the following weekend (after my wedding) for a cousin’s wedding” so asked if I could be in for the second half of that week as well as the following Monday. I told her that my plans weren’t certain yet, but that I didn’t want to commit to that and leave those requested days open. That was met with a tirade about how she “always looks out for me” and that I need to “do this one thing for her.” We normally have a cordial, if not especially friendly, relationship but she has turned nasty and threatened to blackmail me over a a sick day where she claims I “wasn’t really sick.” She had seen me at the grocery, where I was mostly picking up a prescription but also doing general grocery shopping, but don’t have a doctor’s note if push comes to shove. When she brought it up, she said, “That day I saw you at the grocery store, I know you weren’t really sick but were just goofing off for the day. I’ll report you for that.” I responded with, “I was there to pick up a prescription, even though I bought some other things because I didn’t have anything at home that sounded good.” She responded, “If you don’t let me have this, I’m still going to report it.” (For context, this happened during the work day, probably around 1:00 in the afternoon. Sometimes one of us will go to the store to buy work supplies during the day. When I saw her there, I had just come from the doctor’s office, which is literally right across the street, and was shopping for other things while waiting on a prescription to be filled at the store pharmacy.) This has gone on for a week and she’s not dropping it that I need to be in those specific days, and I’m not relenting. There’s a possibility that — for a variety of reasons — I won’t even be working there in October, but at the same time I don’t know how to handle this. I mentioned it in passing to my supervisor, who wasn’t overly interested and he indicated that I was “okay” since I’d requested the time 9+ months in advance. Still, though, I feel that the battle isn’t over yet, and it’s negatively affecting my ability to actually do my day to day job as Jane is refusing to do the small part of her job that I don’t have the proper training/credentials/ability to do. In addition, there are the logistics that if our supervisor agrees to let us both off, I’m no doubt going have two dozen calls/texts a day on my honeymoon from people who are persistent enough to call me 10 times in a row if I don’t answer. Needless to say, that’s NOT a situation that I want to deal with, but it happens any other day when both of us are off (heck, it happens when I’m off just because of the sheer volume of stuff that she doesn’t care to learn to be able to answer). [**Update**](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/update-my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html) (compiled from the comments of the original post by Allison) \[March 4, 2020\] [March 2, 2020 at 11:42 am](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html#comment-2879825) Thanks everyone — OP here and I appreciate the unanimous that “Jane” is off her rocker on this. I have worked with her for close to 5 years, and this kind of stuff has always sort of been present but it seems to have gotten worse in the past year. This episode is by far and away the worst. I have an appointment with my supervisor right after lunch to lay all of this out for him. Just to be ahead of things, I went ahead and called the doctor’s office and they’ve emailed me a note for the day in question, so I’m bringing that along when I meet. Also, I like the suggestion of pre-paid phone and only giving the number out to family to use for the time I’m off. Blocking numbers would be like a game of whack-a-mole due to the number of people who my number has been given out to who may have contacted me once 3 years ago or never contacted me at all (most contact me directly from their personal cells). I should also say that I’ve always had a bit of a strange relationship with “Jane.” She has a son who is my age and has told me often that she thinks of me as her “work son.” She is also not originally from the US, and is from a culture where mothers are often a lot more “hands on” in their children’s lives than we are use to in the US. There have been behaviors in the past that I have addressed with her directly, and those HAVE stopped, but this is so over-the-top compared to anything in the past and almost seems like a build up of a few years of not “mothering” me. I will update after my meeting with my supervisor. [March 2, 2020 at 12:11 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html#comment-2879939) I think my boss has been frustrated with “Jane” over a number of other issues, and in fact he keeps taking responsibilities away from her because she can’t do them correctly and ends up causing more work for other people in the department when she does. [March 2, 2020 at 2:01 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html#comment-2880221) Alright, so OP again here, and the meeting with the boss is over and done with. First of all, right before lunch, my boss asked me if I could give the main point I wanted to discuss. I just succinctly put it as “Jane is refusing to place orders for me” (that, BTW, is the main thing I can’t do — order stuff that I need to do my job, and basically the only thing she does now). He then asked if it was alright if the department chair (i.e. his boss) sat in on the meeting. I said sure. I went in with a copy of my excuse. When things got started, I said “before I get into the immediate problem, I want you all to know that Jane is claiming I abused a sick day because she happened to see me at Kroger on a day I was off. Here’s my doctor’s note.” Both of them even refused to look at the note. My boss said “you said you were sick. You’ve been here close to 5 years and have never given us a reason to doubt that you were being untruthful for it. As a matter of principle, I’m going to note that you offered documentation, but I’m not going to look at it because I trust you.” The chair weighed in and said “Yeah, I remember seeing you the day after that and asking you if you should even be in because you looked so bad.” They both said to put that concern behind me, and that they would address it with Jane that it was none of her business. I was then asked about the ordering issue. I said that I had sent 4 orders the past week, and that she had refused to place them unless I agreed to come in on (specific dates approved off), and that I was getting cramped on getting the stuff I needed to get my job done. As we sat in the meeting, I forwarded the order requests to both my supervisor and the chair so that they could see, although obviously the refusal was verbal, so I couldn’t document that. My supervisor assured me that Jane’s request was absolutely ludicrous, and that he would personally be upset with me if I even thought about work while my new wife and I were on our honeymoon. He said turn my phone off or do whatever I needed to do and also that when the time came he would make sure it was circulated to everyone to not contact me. I was told that as an immediate solution, to send the orders to “Susan,” who also can place orders so that I can get my work done (he sent Susan an email to expedite anything coming from me, and that he’d address why later), and my supervisor would address why Jane isn’t doing it directly with Jane this afternoon. The chair then jumped in and said “I want to ask a broader question — what all do you do that ‘Cliff’ (deceased person who immediately preceded Jane) did, and what of his work does Jane do?” I listed quite a few things I do, and he said “And in addition to that, you also do everything that ‘Norm’ (retired person who I replaced directly) did, correct?” I listed two specific tasks which Norm did that I do not do. The chair said, “I’ve thought for a while that we honestly have you stretched too thin, and I know we’ve had this conversation in bits and pieces, but I think we need to have a serious discussion about positions downstairs. Jane has passed off enough responsibility to others that I think it needs to be decided if she needs more duties shuffled back to her, or if her position is even needed anymore.” We discussed the fact that there’s a lack of cross-training for my duties, and my position is unique enough that it would be difficult to cross train any one person to do it. “Bob” across the hall from me can take care of a lot of things with basic instructions from me, but he needs my specific input about how to go ahead. For reference, a significant (over 50%) portion of my job is maintaining scientific instruments, something which requires that I have an advanced degree in Chemistry to even understand what’s going on and a lot of hands-on experience to recognize and know how to fix problems. Many of the things I take care of are more expensive than an average house in the area (and all are solidly at least at nice new car price), and generally are reliable but can be cantankerous. Jane has neither the background nor the inclination to acquire the hands-on experience, while Bob has the motivation but not the background. I not only maintain but consult/train on when and how to use the appropriate tool for what you’re trying to do. In any case, to cut to the chase on that, we have a bit of a patchwork plan to cover when I’m gone, and the idea was also floated of hiring Norm (my retired predecessor) for a few days a week on a temporary basis in October. I’m supposed to have lunch with Norm next week (I’m the only person from work who is in regular contact with him) so have been asked if I would see if he was open to the idea — not as a formal offer but just to “test the waters” so to speak. So, to sum it up — I’m completely in the clear on the feeble blackmail attempt, my bride-to-be and I can go on our honeymoon without any worries whatsoever, and Jane may have shrugged off one too many duties to make the existence of her position necessary. Not that this is the end of the world either, but I’ve talked to my fiancé and she and I are in agreement that Jane is now off the guest list. Also, as an unrelated note to this, I got a call while typing all of this up asking if I could come in for an interview at a job I applied for last week! So, I may be out before this is even an issue. [March 2, 2020 at 7:53 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html#comment-2880667) As a bit of an interesting not-really-an-update-but an update thing — I should also mention that my office is right next to Jane’s, and directly below the manager and chair’s office. My manager came down about 3:30 today to look for her — presumably to talk to her about all of this — and she was already gone for the day (this is a habit of her, but it’s not usually a half hour before her quitting time). He asked me where she was, and I said that I had no idea. “Bob” across the hall replied that she had told him bye \~5 minutes prior. My supervisor called her, and she claimed that she was at the grocery store and named something she was buying. I was asked if we needed that particular item, and I said “No, I bought it 2 weeks ago — we won’t need it again until June.” So, it seems as though she’s been caught in her own lie, especially if she comes in tomorrow and can’t produce a receipt that she was actually there. [March 3, 2020 at 1:27 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html#comment-2881774) Alright, everyone, I’m anticipating a big update this afternoon. Jane is currently barricaded in her office apparently not taking phone calls (other people have called me directly when they couldn’t reach her…as opposed to the usual sequence of people calling her and then the call getting passed off to me to actually answer it), and my manager has called a meeting of all the support staff EXCEPT for Jane this afternoon. [March 3, 2020 at 5:32 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html#comment-2882216) Alright, so here’s the update: The manager, department chair, and unit business manager sat down to meet with all of the support staff save for Jane. The meeting was opened by saying that as we all knew, they had discussed with all of us our actual day-to-day responsibilities — not our job descriptions but what we were doing. It was then announced that as of 3/20 (end of next pay period), the position which Jane is currently occupying has been marked for RIF (reduction in force), or put another way the position is being eliminated. The rest of the meeting was relatively short, as it was a discussion of what Jane’s description currently assigns to her, and who will do those duties. The net result of that is that I’m actually ending up with LESS work to do (not by a dramatic amount, but a few things off) as some of Jane’s duties that I’m currently doing are being assigned to others. We were informed that starting next Monday, Jane will no longer be coming in as she will be using accrued vacation time in lieu of working until the RIF is official. We were directed to “help her where necessary” to finish out any remaining business this week. So, that’s that. It looks like Jane will indeed get to attend her cousin’s wedding in Florida. [March 3, 2020 at 7:35 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworker-is-blackmailing-me-not-to-take-time-off-for-my-honeymoon.html#comment-2882295) I’m honestly amazed at how quickly things happened too. I suspect that this was a discussion that perhaps had been happening for a while now, and perhaps this was the “straw that broke the camel’s back” so to speak.

My coworker is blackmailing me not to take time off for my honeymoon [AskAManager]

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AITA For "Ruining" my kid's life after she ruined a dress?

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What should I do with my boyfriend acting weird?

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I think my brother is not going to make it to 30

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Can anyone please explain my "nightmares" to me?

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yqfpsa

AP - Affair Partner. I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/throwawayaitasickgf in multiple subreddits. Trigger Warning - >!death of parents, siblings, infidelity and miscarriage!< Mood Spoiler - >!yes!< [Post 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x8z98t/husband_wont_come_home_to_support_me_while/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (9 Sept 22 on r/relationship_advice) **Husband won't come home to support me while grieving** And I feel so needy asking him to come. Trying to be as vague as I can possibly be without it affecting the story. So I (mid twenties) am married to brad (also mid twenties). We have currently have a long distance relationship because he got a better work opportunity there and I couldn't move because I can't take my uni campus with me. I wasn't that thrilled about him moving a 5 hour drive away to a new country, but it being europe we figured that trains and busses will help ease the temporary experience. Plus he was overjoyed about it and I could never taint his happiness. Lately something really bad happened to my life. Without getting into too much details, I am grieving really badly. Hours and days and weeks seem to blend into each other in this thick heavy mess and I can't bring myself to get out of bed somedays or put on trousers. He knows of the situation but can't do much being so far, so I asked him to come over. Here's where we get to the problem. His brother chad moved to brad's country to study. Brad said he can't come over because he has to show his brother the country and school and help him move etc. He is planning to be his guide over the city for 2 weeks. I pleaded with him that I needed him but he told me he is scared his parents will get mad at him if he doesn't take care of his brother like they want him to. I was heartbroken. I was venting to a friend, denise, asking her if it is normal that I am so sad he won't come support me in these dark times and she snapped at me. Told me I should be grateful I have a caring husband and to stop being fucking jealous of a teen (chad is 19 and she knows it). Denise then ranted that I'm being ridiculous and an asshole demanding he leave his baby brother behind to come coddle me like a child. She told me I needed to hear the truth of my actions from someone else. Now I feel like the worst human and the worst wife on the planet. I need advice on how to deal with this relationship conflict, and maybe be a bit less needy? Comments - >I’m sorry you’re depressed. Are you working with a doctor and therapist? I can appreciate that you’d like him to come see you but wouldn’t that mean he has to miss work as well? If he’s already taking these two weeks off, is there a compromise? Like could he show his brother around the first week then come see you for a few days? I guess I just don’t see what he can really do for you other than be present. And he does have another obligation already. If you’ve been feeling poorly for awhile, it seems like you should see your doctor and a therapist. >>**OOP** - He works mostly remotely, and only very few hours. Like 10/2 hours a week, 2 of which have to been onsite because of equipment he can't transport home. He usually does all 8 hours at the end of the month, so isn't needed on site for 3 weeks. I am working with a psychiatrist, I can't see very often for various reasons that are mostly money and time. She told me she would rather not have me medicated right away, and constantly stresses the importance of a support system. He is on the autism spectrum, so very bad with words but good with gestures. That's why I want him here, he doesn't have a clue how to help someone emotionally by text. >Can you not go to him? If you’re already not going to classes it would make more sense if you went over there since he has work and other obligations. >>**OOP** - I live at home while he lives in a very strict housing facility managed by his work and is not allowed visitors. I would have to get and airbnb which I absolutely cannot afford. Also I'm going to classes because they haven't started yet. They start next week. >Whether your husband is with you or with his brother right now is not the real issue. You have clearly been hurting for a long time, and even if your husband did come home, you still need real treatment for acute depression and grieving. Please try to seek treatment or find a support group, even an online group, to deal with your grief. You are not the worst human and wife on the planet. You are a hurt human being who needs help processing your loss. I can’t bring myself to call your spouse TA. Yes, you’re supposed to put your spouse first when you’re married, but in this case, your husband isn’t just ditching home to go on vacation. He’s helping his brother get set up in a new country. Again, even if he did skip this trip and come home, you would still need—and deserve—additional mental health support to get you through this time. I’m very sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself. >>**OOP**This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. As explained in another comment, I have a psychiatrist's help. She is encouraging me to have my husband around. Also yeah, no one tells you loosing your mum, dad and sister and ending up in debt would be that brutal on you. He didn't even come to the funeral. I am lost but appreciate your kind words. I'll try to not be so hard on him. [Post 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/yee2sb/negative_test_weird_symptoms_can_i_get_some_mama/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (27 Oct 22 on r/pregnant) **Negative test, weird symptoms. Can i get some mama insight? I don't have mine anymore.** *This post was removed* [Post 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yggx62/im_pregnant_with_exhusbands_baby_and_somehow_ap/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (30 Oct 22 on r/trueoffmychest) **I'm pregnant with ex-husband's baby. And somehow AP is mad?** My wonderful, soon to be ex husband lied to me for months while living with his ap, my ex best friend. It was lovely to find out that no, his new work building didn't have strict rules, SHE was living with him (he had a work opportunity in another country so we were living an ldr for a few months). We saw each other recently, had passionate sex and overall had fun. Until I discovered the affair. Tears and screams and bag packing later, I was home mulling over the situation. I am numb, still numb even after finding out I was pregnant. Here is where it gets good: Ap is infertile. Her husband left her recently because of that, and I was her shoulder to cry on. I called ex husband to tell him about baby, and the high risk of miscarriage. She was next to him. She went ape shit. Screamed and cried I had no right to have HER man's baby, that I am stealing her life and being a bitch. Oh really. Her relatives are now blowing up my phone calling me horrible spiteful bitch. What? How ? Why? Logic gymnastics much? I am so done with everything. 2022 can go eat a dick. I have no one to talk to so here I am getting this out of my chest. Edit : Ap: affair partner Ldr: long distance relationship Denise is the same denise from my last post. Also funnily enough, chad tipped me on the affair. I have a therapist and following your advice, got a lawyer. Also please stop telling me to not "murder my baby over my bitterness for my husband". My heart is already raw over that hard but necessary decision. I respect your beliefs so please respect my decision. Comments >**OOP** - Well I am not a perfect person either. I recently lost my parents and was grieving hard so I can understand he felt a bit "left on the side". But communicating that would've been the adult way to go, not getting knuckles deep in his coworker. He said he was housing her until she gets back on her feet, because her husband just left her. When i pointed out she earns 9k a month and it shouldn't be hard to get even a motel with that he started crying. Bawling. Telling me she meant nothing and I was his world as i was throwing everything into a suitcase. He even grabbed me by the hand and forced me into a hug as I was leaving. I've been home for about a week and I am receiving daily presents and letters throughout the mail, about how I'm the love of his life and can't betray our wedding vows like that. Once he heard of the pregnancy he got a hotel room not far from my home and is sending more and more letters about how we could be the perfect family and nothing happened. I'm putting his gifts in boxes to wrap them and donate them to those in need this Christmas. I haven't opened any. With the phone harassment and home delivery of personal harassment, who needs mental sanity, am I right? Also talking about it all and realizing I am not going crazy has been a huge relief. My therapist is beside herself appalled at everything and even let out a "wtf" as I was telling her. Sorry diane [Post 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yjsapn/update_to_im_pregnant_with_exhusbands_baby_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) ( 1 Nov 22 on r/trueoffmychest) **Update to I'm pregnant with ex-husband's baby. And somehow AP is mad?** Hi reddit. It's been about 3 days, but these days felt like weeks to me. As I was tossing and turning in my hospital bed, I remembered this account and thought you might want an update. To be frank, I also need to tell someone. I lost my baby. A few hours after posting actually. Avoiding details (and my memory is also hazy) it was gruesome. I won't explain very much but it was just horrible. For context i take heart meds for a condition i got from my dad, one of those being blood thinners. When I misscarried, it was flowing and flowing and I honestly thought I would be dying. I was on my knees in pain and the massive blood loss coupled with the already severe anemia made me very dizzy and confused. I called the fire department and managed to stay lucid until they came. I wish this on no one ever, it was traumatizing. Where it gets bad; I don't remember if I mentioned it somewhere on the original post, but my husband came home when he heard of the pregnancy and was staying at the budget hotel on the other side of the road. When he saw the firetrucks pulling to "our" house, he apparently ran over to ask what was happening to his "wife". He followed the ambulance to the hospital (or so he told me) and came in pretending he was my dear old husband being so concerned for me. I didn't need much, just a blood tranfusion, iron and pther ivs and some pain killer. They also gave me meds to "finish the job" and recommended rest. Waking up to find him next to me was ... a deception? I have no english words to describe how gutted I was when I woke up to his concerned face next to me. We fought. I told him I never wanted to see him again and was serving him papers soon, he said I was his wife that he loved more than anything in this world and was deeply concerned for. What love when you were LIVING with your affair partner. He pulled out his phone and broke up with denise on speaker phone, and asked me if I wanted him to make a facebook post where he tells everyone about his infidelity. I told him he could go fuck himself for all I cared. Everytime I wake up, there he is. Tidying up my room, changin the flowers in the vase, peeling my fruit or bringing me even more boxes of my favorite chocolates (the fruta di mare ones). He is constantly here, catering to my every need. The nurses did ask me if I wanted him removed after we argued, but I said no. I don't know why. I feel like somewhere in there is still the kind man I married. Maybe. Maybe not. As I write this, he is sleeping on a wooden chair, arms crossed. As for denise, she sent me some colorful messages. She heard about my miscarriage from husband, and didn't miss a beat in insulting me even more saying that's all I deserve for stealing her man away from her. That a was a racist slut who hated her and her family all along and she was glad I would never be a mother. It goes without say that I took the mental health initiative to block her and her whole circus. See you in therapy guys, homewrecker out. Don't know if I can be vulnerable but I feel like my heart has been ripped to shreds. Someone on my last post said something to the effect of "no one goes to an abortion with a smile on their face" and god is that true. Even if this baby wasn't expected to last, it hurts. It hurts like crazy. You keep playing the what ifs in your head. I wish it didn't have to be this way, I wish I could welcome a little one into my life. I keep wishing I could just go back to having a small family and a loving husband. I wish I could just forgive and forget. But I won't. And fuck does it hurt. This is getting too long and boring, sorry about that. I can't thank you enough for all the kind words from every single one of you. Re-reading them earlier gave me the clarity to realize I was making the right decision, and I had the strength to do so. Thank you Comments - >From your other posts you've been very socially isolated. I can understand why you'd tell the nurse the husband thing could stay, you need the social support. You don't have to get back with him or try and stay with him because he's helping you now. The fact of the matter is; it's too little, too late. Don't let him back in your life when you're getting better. You're doing the right thing with therapy and a divorce lawyer, they'll help deal with your dumpster fire husband and psycho Denise. Your therapist might be able to recommend support groups, etc. You will meet people and form friendships, you'll find new interests and be able to overhaul your life when the husband creature is gone and you're on the mend. >>**OOP** - Surprised to see someone understand the husband thing. I can't help feeling either like I am taking advantage of him or being a coward and letting him back so easily into my life. Maybe it is that deep down, I just feel alone. My therapist recommended a good "grief" counselor when i called to cancel my next appointment. I was confused but she said I needed someone to help me grieve the relationship and my baby. Guess she knows better - I will give it a try. Turns out I had more friends than I thought hahaha. People came to visit me so much it was exhausting. Denise's brother came and brought me flowers and a letter. Haven't read it yet. Thank you for your concern but I will be okay. I'll let the waves of life take me (hopefully) somewhere better. >Tell the nurse to kick him out!! >>**OOP** - I should but I'm weak. Also the nurses are absolute angels. After the fight and my refusal to kick him out one of them slid me a piece of bandage wrapper (the papers things gauze comes in, sorry not native English speaker). On it she wrote "if you need help or security to be called ask for grapes with your lunch". Honestly such a smart move, I thanked her profusely afterwards. **Mini edit**: it's 11pm here. I kicked my husband out of the room earlier. He started talking about going home together and finally trying officially for a kid. I had enough. I asked the nurse (the one who gave me the wrapper) for grapes as a snack. She called security and they escorted him out. I can't move on if he's lingering around. Thanks for all the sweet messages, the concerns, the love, the support, the dms, everything. You people have a heart of gold, and I hope karma pays it back tenfold. You don't know the positive impact you had on my mental health. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP is pregnant with soon-to-be ex husband's baby and somehow AP is mad.

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prettiergenghis

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AITA For "Ruining" my kid's life after she ruined a dress?

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$BTC Key support has been broken and yet you see people bullish. $14k is like a magnet.

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yqk141

I am not OOP. This was originally posted by [u/AmbigrammaticAir](https://www.reddit.com/user/AmbigrammaticAir/) on r/Advice. \-- [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/kawzyv/how_to_give_a_big_gift_without_making_it_weird/) **- Dec 11, 2020** My coworker recently lost his car--don't know the details, probably broke down or something. He had to cancel his own wedding for his son's funeral last weekend. He's in a really shitty spot. I don't think this guy is one of those "make someone feel sorry in order to take advantage of them" types so... I was already kinda half-ass looking around at newer cars, waiting for a deal for a few months now but not *needing* one ASAP. When I heard this guy was ubering to and from work every day I was like, holy shit I'll just go ahead and pull the trigger on a new-to-me car and give him my old car. I have decided I'm going to do it but I have no idea HOW to do it. I want to preserve his dignity so I'm not going to make a big show of it, in fact, I really don't like the fact that our coworkers will figure it out when they see him driving my car. I don't feel like I'm doing it for self-aggrandizement, everything just happened to line up to where I can really help this guy. I'd have donated it to NPR because I wouldn't get much in trade and don't want to hassle with selling. How should I approach this? What is the most graceful way to give this to him, and refuse payment if he offers it, and not let it be weird? I mean, I know I can only control my side of things but if there are some things I can say or do that would make it easier I'd appreciate some insight. In my mind, I was thinking of inviting him into an empty office and just being like look dude. I want you to have this. But then... what? What if I offend him? What if he refuses to take it and continues to Uber into work? What if he gets weird afterwards? My boyfriend said I should offer to sell it to him for a super-low price so it doesn't feel like charity, but I feel kinda tacky being like "hey I know you have all this shit going on but if you give me 500 bucks I'll give you my car"? Nah that won't work for me. Maybe I could offer to sell but be super insistent that I will NEVER ask him when he will pay me and he can get it back to me whenever he wants, 5 bucks at a time if he needs to but really I am not trying to make money off this. I just want to help my colleague. He's kind, warm, and hard-working and he's dealing with a bunch of shit. A big steaming shit pile. I can't sit here KNOWING I can help him and just ...shake him down or do nothing. How do I even remotely handle this \-- [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/kawzyv/how_to_give_a_big_gift_without_making_it_weird/) **added as an edit.** So, I showed up right as he was walking across the lot to his truck to leave for the week. I ran up and was like, "hey! How you holding up?" He sighed heavily and said "I am getting through it because I must get through it." I asked, "Have you come to a solution for your car problem?" And he sighed again and said, "Yes, the solution is that I must have one and can't afford another." We were about 20 yards away from employee parking and could see both my cars so I said, "Well, this weekend I bought that car (point at new car) and so now I would like you to have that one (point at old car)." He was absolutely speechless, so I kinda started talking fast and was like "I couldn't find the title--it's in my closet somewhere--but I have all the necessary paperwork you need to bring to the Iowa DOT to transfer it into your name. I'll pay for a replacement title if I can't find it, and it's overdue for an oil change so I'll get that done this week while you're out too. I'll leave the keys on my desk so you have them if you get back after I leave on Friday." I attempt to look in his eyes but his mask has fogged his glasses. I continue. "Yeah, they only offered me 98 dollars for the car and I didn't think it was worth it and I didn't really want to hassle with selling it online. Also I don't have space at home to keep it, so I thought to myself, *why not let \[coworker\] have it?* So here we are." He has begun shaking. It's 15 degrees so I am getting pretty cold at this point and I start hopping a little. "So...would you take my car please?" I ask, by way of concluding the offer and requesting some kind of feedback. Immediately, he grabbed me around the shoulders and pulled me in for a long, strong hug. He is openly weeping into my hair now. He is saying something but my scarf is muffling his words, but I let him hang on until he decides to pull back. Finally he removed his glasses, and he looked me in the eyes and said, "You have changed my life with this gift. I cannot describe what you have given me." So of course I started crying and we hugged again. Then, he said I must be freezing and I am to go into the office immediately, so I did. He sat out in his truck for a while before finally leaving for the week, and I feel content that he did not insist on haggling over money. Perhaps if he decides later to bring it up, I will entertain what he has to say, but for now I am well satisfied with how this turned out. Now I just have to find that damn title 😵 I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you who read this and took the time to reply. As it turns out, I was totally overthinking how this was going to go! \--- **Reminder: I am not OOP.**

OOP wants to give a big gift without making it weird

Best of 2022

rickysayshey

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqk141/oop_wants_to_give_a_big_gift_without_making_it/

yql3cw

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/Throwaway_LIVID in r/childfree [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/jf3a7y/when_being_child_free_gets_you_extra_40_hoursweek/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) _- October 20, 2020_ I need a place to rant and I'm so grateful for having this sub. I'm also using a throwaway for privacy reasons as I'm about to throw shade. Background: I work for a huge corporation and am a salaried employee (relevant later). My job is very project based and each employee works on their own projects most of the time. Today, our department manager booked a team meeting to discuss "upcoming changes". Cool, no problem. At this meeting, we're presented with a memo outlining the changes in hours to be worked for November (possibly longer) as follows: Mandatory 8-8 work days every day including Saturdays (Sundays possible if deemed neccessary) EXCEPT for team members who have children: their hours will remain 9-5 Monday-Friday. Manager finishes going over this and asks "any questions?". YES I HAVE A QUESTION. IN WHAT WORLD DID YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE OK??? She explains that due to the situation in the last few months, "we've" fallen behind in projects as team members have to take care of their kids and work at the same time, so "we have to pick up the slack". Me again: Based on our status meeting yesterday, the team members without kids are all on track with their projects, with many of us consistently finishing days before our deadlines. So are you telling me that those of us who don't have kids have to work an additional 40 hours a week to complete projects for team members who won't even be helping finish the said projects??? She responds with "I'm struggling to understand why this is such a big issue for you". EXCUSE ME, WHAT? I ask my fellow child free team members if they're ok with this, all of them say NO. The ones with kids are completely silent of course. I tell her that it's absolutely insane that she thinks this is even close to being ok. She just blinks at me. Then I ask her if she will also be working these hours with us? Of course it's a NO, she has a child (a fucking 18 year old mind you)... I was ready to throw my laptop through the window at this point. She then just ends the meeting. I'M FUMING! I regroup with my fellow child free team and we agree that this isn't about to happen. I email the manager right after to let her know that we will be requesting a meeting with HR and Legal department to discuss our employment contracts and hours we're being forced to work simply because we don't have kids. I know damn well that this is fucking insane and against all employment policies within the company. She proceeds to call me and tell me there is no need to go to HR/Legal and we can resolve this "internally". BITCH NO WE CAN'T! You dismissed me and didn't even bother to listen to 12 other team members you plan to work to death without any sort of additional compensation. She then says "well you're salaried so there's no need for additional compensation" If only I had the ability to choke her through the phone... I collect myself and tell her, in the most professional way I could muster, that we can discuss this with HR/Legal and I end the call. I proceeded to book a meeting with my child free team, Manager, and HR/Legal for tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm downing a bottle of wine to calm myself. I might end up unemployed tomorrow, but I'm NOT letting this go. This is the hill I will die on!!! End rant. ​ [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/jfmth1/update_when_being_child_free_gets_you_extra_40/) _-October 22, 2020_ Before I get into the good stuff, I need to say thank you to everyone who commended/awarded/DMed on my original post. I was baffled by the number of comments this morning. Y'all are amazing!!! ❤ I've been reading your comments throughout the day, but couldn't respond as the post was locked (per the Mod, post exceeded # of comments limit). Some users asked what I do for work: I have to give a vague answer to this for privacy reasons. I work in the Regulatory Compliance department and our job is to monitor and enforce internal policies and laws/regulations at all levels within the company. Almost everyone requested an update, so I really hope this lives up to the hype. The meeting took place first thing this morning with the Manager, head of HR, another HR Manager, two Labor Law Attorneys (from Legal dept.), head of my dept. (Legal invited him on the fly this morning) and 13 CFs (12 coworkers and me). I started the meeting by explaining "why we've gathered here today" (head of my dept. was dumbfounded, he clearly had NO IDEA what the Manager tried to pull). Legal went through the "rules" of discussion (wait your turn to speak and such). I was first to make my case and my approach was simple: show proof, show policy, explain why the policy was violated and therefore can't be enforced. BORING, yes I know, but if that didn't work, I had other points on reserve to bring up (side note, I really wanted to go all out and lose my filter and say what I really was thinking, but as we know that would get me nowhere)... So I presented the Manager's memo and company's overtime policy, which clearly states that mandatory overtime must be: 1) mandatory for ALL MEMBERS of the department (hourly and salaried) 2) ALL MEMBERS must work equal number of OT hours 3) must be approved by the head of the dept. If any of these conditions are not met, management can't impose it, and should ask for volunteers to work OT instead... My argument was simple: Manager didn't follow the policy and purposefully targeted the CFs. Highlights of the shit show that followed: - Legal asked head of my dept. if he approved the memo- Answer was an angry NO (I could tell he was LIVID at the Manager). In my head, I'm laughing my A off - Legal asks Manager for her side of the story. Answer "I wasn't aware of this policy". I interject with "I find that hard to believe when 3 weeks ago we did an extensive review with that policy being the main objective and you were heavily involved with each step." Head of HR chimes in with "I can attest to that, I worked with the Manager on this project. Let's be truthful please." In my head I'm screaming TAKE THAT BITCH Manager says "Well I didn't think policy would apply in this case."... Y'ALL!!! It took all my will-power not to cuss her out, all of a sudden her memory came back and NOW she's aware of the policy??? Legal stepped in with "Are you saying that you, the Manager responsible for enforcing policies, honestly thought that those same policies don't apply to you?". AAAAHHHHHHHH YES!!! Head of my dept. stepped in with (to Manager, still angry AF) " You were blatantly wrong here. There's no need to try and justify it" This is obviously very summarized, but the jist is there. Round 1 was a win! Next were some of the CFs who shared emails between them and her, showing your standard shitty manager behaviors and lack of accountability. She just kept repeating "that's not why we're here today". It didn't stop them from going on though. This was very enjoyable to watch. Then, one of the other CFs asked to speak and let me tell you, this guy showed up with RECEIPTS!!! He spent the entire night creating an analysis, fucking pie charts and all, to illustrate how many projects were done by the 13 CFs as compared to the 19 non-CFs, how much time was put in by us vs. them, how much vacation/sick time was approved for us vs. them, for the last year!!! I WAS SHOOK!! His analysis showed that 13 of us did close to 60% of all the work while 19 of them did 40ish. Don't even get me started on the rest of the stats. This guy WIPED THE FLOOR WITH THE MANAGER. I hope he gets a raise, because he's my hero. Her response? "This company promotes work-life balance and wants families to have time to spend with each other so it's normal that employees with kids get time to do just that". I couldn't hold back. Me: Yes, you're absolutely right that the company does that. What you're lacking here is the understanding that family includes other people, not just children. In case you were unaware, ALL OF US HAVE FAMILIES TOO!"... HR interjected with "I believe we have enough information here". The CFs (myself included) were asked to leave the meeting, so they can deliberate, and we were told they'll circle back with us later in the afternoon. Later comes around, we're invited to a meeting. This time it's all the same people, but no Manager... Head of my dept. apologized that this ever happened, thanked us for "doing the right thing and bringing it to their attention", threw in a few company lines about equal treatment, yadda, yadda, and told us he will be taking over the managerial duties for the time being. Legal added that the memo is null and void and made it clear that we will NOT be working those insane hours. In case you're wondering, the Manager was offline for the rest of the day. We don't know what happened there. But who cares, WE WON!!! ​ [**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/kh2xrn/update_to_the_update_when_being_childfree_gets/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) _- December 20, 2020_ So it's been about a month since the whole situation took place. This will be a short update as I will focus on what majority who read the original post/update wanted to know. 1. Did the Manager get fired? Answer: No. HOWEVER, she is no longer a Manager in my group. She was transfered to a non-managerial position in a different department. 2. Did pie charts/stats guy get promoted? Answer: Again no, BUT I hear that the company has a promotions freeze in place until end of year, so there is still hope. The Manager position remains open. I know this is not too exciting of an update, but I didn't want to leave the story unfinished :) I hope everyone is doing well and staying safe! XOXO

When being child free gets you extra 40 hours/week of work...

REPOST

rainingsakuras

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yql3cw/when_being_child_free_gets_you_extra_40_hoursweek/

yqmw9c

I am not OP; that would be u/throwrapitifulone This post was trending on the top of r/ relationship\_advice a little over a week ago [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y4chpr/wifef28_held_a_talent_show_at_our_wedding/): October 14th, 2022 I (m28) knew her since college, and I'll get that out of the way first. The past few days have shown a different side of her that's a little surprising because Kate is her best friend from college. My wife (Nancy) wanted to do a mini talent show at our reception, and she talked it up beforehand too. She read a poem that she made for the event, and Kate performed a song that she wrote. Long story short, one of the guests who I invited is into producing, and he reached out to her after she performed. They exchanged information, and Kate was really excited. He wanted to network with her following the reception, and she even thanked my wife for hosting the talent show over text But Nancy became really bitter about it, and that's why I'm writing this. She hasn't responded to Kate's message, and she said she regretted doing the talent show too. She also asked me to block Edward (the producer) on my socials/contacts, and I told her that that seemed a bit much. She didn't like my answer and said that I was wrong to "not take her side after just getting married", but I told her that she should be happy for her friend. She didn't like that either and vented to some in our friend group about how Kate was "bragging", but some of them disagreed. She said she didn't want to hang out with them for the time being, and that included me too. Two of her girlfriends even texted me that she was "overreacting" and that they were also surprised to see her act that way (they also asked if she was okay too). My dad is suggesting counseling and said that asking me to remove friends is an unhealthy way to start a marriage, and I'm honestly more than a little scared. I asked if she'd be open to counseling, but she said there was "no need" because "Kate was her friend first" and I "shouldn't choose Kate over her." I just want to ask what to do next since she refused counseling and sees no issue with cutting off our friends edit: *I want to add that Nancy complained that her poem didn't get as good of a reception as Kate's song. Kate didn't study music in college but practices on the side, and her text was really thankful for the opportunity that the talent show provided. Kate is also engaged to her long-time boyfriend* [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yj9s89/update_wifef28_held_a_talent_show_at_our_wedding/): November 1st, 2022 It's been a little over two weeks since my first post, and I've had some time to try and process. A lot of it still feels surreal having known her since my early 20s and the 180 after the wedding. I want to address a few things that were asked in my first post before getting to the update. Nancy and Kate were not the only ones who performed in the talent show. During planning, Nancy said she wanted to "showcase" her friends and how "awesome/proud" she was to have them. She also said it was a bonding thing between her girlfriends (from our friend group), and the girls were the ones who performed. However, given her post-reception 180, it really surprised me in comparison to her pre-talent show mindset. A few people commented that she didn't need to have a talent show to read the poem she made for the wedding. She could've just read it at any time as the bride **Update**: The reason I'm writing this post is because of something else that came up and led to a conversation. We had a vacation coming up, but she no longer wants to go on it. In the time since my first post, she's continued to have random mood swings due to thinking about Kate. Sometimes that's venting about how Kate "would have nothing without her" or getting really quiet and distant (even while eating). She's also still upset at her girlfriends who she vented to about Kate. But when they disagreed and called her out for being bitter over a talent show no one forced her to have, she told me to cut off our friend group along with blocking the producer/girlfriends too. When I disagreed, she became distant and said I was "choosing them over her" My dad suggested counseling and talking to her again because asking me to cut off friends was an "unhealthy start to the relationship". So I talked to her after my first post and asked if she'd be open to it, but she said there was no need because "all I had to do was cut them off". She also said I was "choosing them over her" and that she wouldn't go on our vacation until I did. When I asked her why Kate bothered her so much, she said she tried to publish in the past (a novel) and "didn't get any hand-me-downs then". But when I reminder her that my friend was a producer on the side in his basement, she said I" should've known better than to invite him" as if I should've known he would've liked Kate's song. When I told her that I wouldn't block the producer/entire friend group, she said I was "entitled like Kate" and that she wanted a break because I didn't care about her. I told her that I love her but didn't think it was healthy to cut off everyone. I also told her that she should be happy for her friend because Kate was really grateful, but she didn't seem to care She has since gone to stay with her parents and left some of her things in our apartment. I talked to my dad after she ignored texts/calls for a few days, and he suggested bringing up an annulment because it had gone too far. Her parents have also ignored my calls, but I want to clarify Kate's text before I'm done. Kate wasn't arrogant or anything to Nancy. All she did was thank her for putting together the talent show that allowed her to network with the producer after the wedding, and she also offered to take her out to lunch as thanks. There was no arrogance from Kate, and the producer is also engaged as some people inquired about too. I'm just really surprised and hurt that her bitterness turned me into a bad guy for inviting my producer friend as if I was supposed to see into the future and not invite him *edit: Nancy got the idea to make a poem for the reception after watching the poet (Amanda Gorman) read her works at the inauguration and super bowl. She also said that it wasn't out of place for her to read at the reception when "most people watching football aren't smart enough to appreciate poetry"* \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Notable comments: (u/malinyay) *Yes, this is exactly what I thought. And I can understand her feelings but not her actions. She was probably really proud of that poem and she had probably imagined people loving it and getting more praise than she did. She probably only thought of the talent show to have an "excuse" to read it. And her dream is to write, it seems to me. When you build something up in your mind like that it can be quite upsetting when something different happens.* *Kate stole her spotlight. And somehow it seems she's now blaming her own failings at Kate because the talent show took Kate closer to her dreams. That's the part that seem really unhealthy to me, especially since it's been some time and she's still feeling the same way* (u/frolicndetour) *I mean, she's the bride so she literally could have just said that she wanted to read a poem she wrote that was inspired by her husband or whatever. People would have listened and fawned because she was the bride. I think she turned it into a talent show because she also wanted to show up her friends, which makes the outcome even more of a karmic delight* (OOP) *she compared it to when she tried to get published or something when she came out of college but "didn't get any hand-me-downs" as she referred to her talent show as that, since it provided a chance to meet the producer* *she gave me an ultimatum to block our friend group after her girlfriends told her that she was being bitter when she vented to them, the same girlfriends from her wedding party who knew her longer before me, and if I didn't block them, she wouldn't go on our vacation. When I refused, she went to her parents* *she literally changed/became distant mid-reception when Kate's song got a better reception than her, and she was distant with others too. Just trying to move on because it's been a long few weeks*

OOP's wife held a talent show at their wedding reception because she wanted to read a poem. Her friend who sang networked with a guest who happened to be a producer. She then became bitter for weeks

ONGOING

ThrowRA3837374

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqmw9c/oops_wife_held_a_talent_show_at_their_wedding/

yqnpz7

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwragf20 in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**My (29F) girlfriend (27F) has been avoiding me ever since her ex passed away**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qo4mho/my_29f_girlfriend_27f_has_been_avoiding_me_ever/) - 6 November 2021 We have been dating for 4 years and living together for 2. She had only one other serious relationship. It was pretty traumatic for her. He spiralled down alcoholism. He drove drunk and ended up injuring himself severely while my girlfriend was with him. They broke up after he recovered. They had started dating when they were 16 and broke up when they were 22. He passed away last week. She has been avoiding me. She is a hugger and she hasn't hugged me in days. She has been crying and I can't help but feel insecure. I don't know what to do? TLDR: girlfriend has been crying after her ex passed.   [**Update: My (29F) girlfriend (27F) has been avoiding me ever since her ex passed away**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qw02ah/update_my_29f_girlfriend_27f_has_been_avoiding_me/) - 17 November 2021 I received some really great advice from reddit which helped me sort out my thinking. I just gave her space to think and process on her own. It was hard, My first instinct is to be there for her and talk to her but I realized what she wanted was space away from me and the only way I could be there for her was by giving her space. She is doing much better now. We talked about it and she told me she knew that she was being very distant and treating me like a roommate she didn't like. She apologized but I told her that I am glad that she took the time to process her emotion and I am willing to listen if she wanted to talk about it. It was a long conversation and to summarize it; She feels sort of survivor's guilt about getting out of their toxic home environments and building a life for herself when he couldn't, She had moved on, got away from her parents and met the love of her life. She had everything they had dreamed of having and he had nothing. She also feels guilty for breaking her promise to stay friends after she broke up with him. She told me that she had hoped and dreamed that he would get sober and get away from the destructive cycles of their families. She also talked about some of the great memories they had together. She is slowly starting to spend more time with me. She still cries but she lets me soothe her and be there for her. I feel less lost dealing with this as she slowly opens up to me and let me be there for her. TLDR: I gave her space. She is talking to me and that helps. It is still difficult but we will get through it.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My girlfriend has been avoiding me ever since her ex passed away

CONCLUDED

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqnpz7/my_girlfriend_has_been_avoiding_me_ever_since_her/

yqnzdf

[removed]

OOP wonders if he ruined his kid’s life after she ruined a custom $12k wedding dress

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqnzdf/oop_wonders_if_he_ruined_his_kids_life_after_she/

yqo5wj

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** [u/journey\_to\_myself](https://www.reddit.com/user/journey_to_myself/) **in** r/Teachers trigger warnings: >!child abuse, kidnapping.!< this was [previously posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xhygsj/what_would_you_do19_students_5_names/) in BORU by u/FlipDaly, but there has been a new (shocking) update. ___ [**What would you do---19 students, 5 names**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/x4gv7u/what_would_you_do19_students_5_names/?sort=qa) \- September 2, 2022 So.....I am dealing with a disaster of a roster for an afterschool club. I have 19 students, all boys between the ages of 6 and 13 (elementary to middle school) There are different 5 first names I have 7 Liam's (two are literally named the same first, middle and last) I have 5 Noahs (three have the same middle name, two have a last name that starts with the same letter) I have 3 Mateo (two have the same last name and no middle name)I have 2 William (and one is William Noah just for shits and giggles) I have 2 Sam (not Samuel, just Sam) The first day I sat them all down and tried to figure out what we could call them to prevent chaos. It started descending into chaos. Trying to save the afternoon, I told the boys that we could all have special club names. The boys were all for it, so I used a fantasy name generator and let them all pick Mad Scientist names. They were THRILLED. One of the Mateos, especially, because he gets called "big Mateo" and he's sensitive about being overweight. Except for one of the Liam's moms (of course one of the Liams who has the same first, middle and last name) is livid. She called the principal and wants his name to remain the same and me to call all the boys by their actual names. Like...I don't even see how it's possible. Of the 5 names I have to work with, 19 kids none except William really lend themselves to nicknames and with so many repeats in last initials It'd be a jigsaw puzzle. Admins are with me on this because the boys are all from different grades it really hasn't been an issue over all. But the one parent is trying to start a war over me "whitewashing" her kids name (Liam is white...). I let her know that since the other boys were happy with their mad scientist names he could be Dr. Liam. She wants me to scratch all the names or she's going to get the district involved. Other parents don't give a shit because it's afterschool care. I'm not a full time teacher so I don't even know what the heck to do.   [**UPDATE: What would you do---19 students, 5 names**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/xbhic4/update_what_would_you_do19_students_5_names/) \- September 11, 2022 Buckle up buttercup, because this is one wild ride. It's Sunday and I'm posting because I needed a minute to breathe. Tuesday- went well, used Dr. Liam Liam. Contacted the district who was like "you're an afterschool contractor, leave us the fuck alone" Mom still being an ass so I invited her to the club. (I have two parent voulenteers) Wednesday- she came, sat in back and scowled the entire fucking time. A couple of the younger boys were very nutty. I sat them in a corner on the bean bags, gave them a snack and told them to take a minute. Turns out they were exhausted and both fell asleep. A couple older boys had some interpersonal issues to work out and they were off to another corner. One boy called his mom and begged me to let him study. Fine. Whatever. Room has four corners. Class proceeds with about 11 students actually participating. Eventually the boys who were dealing with whatever rejoin us, as well as the boy studying. At this point, immediately after class, she pulled poor Dr. Liam Liam and 3 other of my students de-registered. This should have been a sign of things to come. Thursday- I come in and get called into the office. There's a lawyer, the mom and then someone I didn't recognize. They are from CHILD PROTECTION. (Kraken mom's friends, apparently) I'm not going to pretend I'm "color blind" or somehow magically immune to noticing race. My kids are mostly white or white hispanics with two asians. Evil Mom starts making accusations that I'm namecalling the kids (she didn't approve of Professor Calamity or Dr. Demon) and that I've forced all the children of color out while I only let the white kids participate. She has photos to "prove it." My sleepy boys were one asian, one black hispanic. Warring boys were one dark black hispanic, one tan? hispanic. Study stressed boy was asian. The rest of the boys are white passing hispanic, white or white-passing mixed. Her Liam was very subdued. I honestly hadn't realized the way this occurred. It did look bad from the photos, but in the end all but the two sleepyheads joined in again. The volunteer moms in the group had checked with home and both parents had said to let the boys sleep. WTF am I supposed to do? Nobody in the room except Kraken mom was really amused. She thought she had us over a barrel. Wasted the entire fucking afterschool time to hash it out. I'm shaking and ready to quit on the spot. Principal smooths it out, lawyer assures we have nothing to worry about. child protection was pretty annoyed because Kraken seemed to make them think she was exposing some kind of crazy situation. Friday- I go in to find a REPORTER and a CAMERA. I let them know that they had better not publish any footage because Kraken didn't have permission to take the footage. I got the principal involved who called the lawyer and again we wasted MOST of the time sorting this out. However, because Kraken posted on ALLL the town boards on Neighborhood and Facebook and whatever fucking else she could find, things ended up working out and biting her in the ass. 3 parents pulled their boys on Wednesday because they aligned with Kraken. On Friday afternoon, after I get in, I discover I have 5 girl besties from grade 4 who want to come, and since the cap is 20, I'm really happy to have them. It's not the best balance, but 1/4 is closer to my normal 1/3. As of Saturday night, I have two new volunteers for class and a business (owned by the dad of the asian studying boy) is going to buy us TWO extra robots so the kids can be in teams of 3-5 rather than 5-7 and one mom has donated three of her old ipads for the kids to program on. Many people in the community are polarized, fortunately it's mostly in my direction. My head is still spinning. And I don't think I could think up any more drama than has occurred. I'm looking forward to Monday, with the new kids and a fresh slate.   [UPDATE 2: What would you do---19 students, 5 names. DR LIAM RETURNS!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/ycko0x/update_2_what_would_you_do19_students_5_names_dr/)\- October 24, 2022 To address some things: \-YES you can teach robotics to young kids. [The robot is available on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Makeblock-Mechanical-Entry-Level-Programming-Creativity/dp/B00SK5RUQY/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2460VCRU23RM5&keywords=makebot&qid=1666636666&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIyLjA3IiwicXNhIjoiMS44NCIsInFzcCI6IjEuNjEifQ%3D%3D&s=toys-and-games&sprefix=makebot%2Ctoys-and-games%2C98&sr=1-4). We get it through a volume discount. \-The ipads were old minis. Worth around $100 each. They were not new, they were not pros. No you can't have one FFS. \-I am an independent contractor. The district/union couldn't give a fuck about me and won't let me join. However, I do have an on call lawyer as a small business.- No, the girls didn't have the same names.- I can talk about this legally. So fuck off with the 'violation of FERPA' shit. Also, the below story is more than public knowledge (or at least Kraken's version) Current class:I currently have 18 students, 13 boys, 5 girls. There are 10 names...which is much better, but they are all 'mad scientists' to meSleepy-heads - one boy decided to drop after talking with his mom. He just isn't ready to stay late. She's a SAHM and she wanted him to have 'opportunities'.The hispanic boys - one dropped. There's some really terrible tension in the school around the different countries they are from and the school is dealing with that. It's a very involved and nuanced situationThe asian dad continues to be such a huge asset. He really wants his kid to succeed. We talked about ways that he can allow his son to be a kid and still be ready for the world. We also talked about how it was fine if he used his ethnic birth name rather than his 'white' name. I also call the father (and his mother who I deal with less) by his ethnic birth name. He brought in a bunch of appetizers (both americanized and culturally accurate) and the entire class really enjoyed them. He's turned into a sort of superhero to the class and wither by accident or by design his is now the favorite spot in town because the kids LOVE the dude. His English isn't great, but he's trying to learn and I just adore him. **And the Dr. Liam update.** ***\*\*\*ALLL OF THIS IS PUBLIC KNOWDLEGE AT THIS POINT\*\*\*\**** Last week after not seeing him for a month or so Liam tears into my classroom, full speed, when regular class is out but before I begin. (Kraken was speaking to his teacher and he told Kraken he needed to 'get something' from his locker across school) Sobbing he comes to me, "Please, please give my dad his money back, I want to see him. If you make her happy, I can see him. I'm *actual mad scientist name I gave him*. Remember me?" Yes.I kinda WTF'd and then got the whole story. This transpired LAST month. (remember I don't have access to students or records ...contractor) and none of the kids are in his homeroom so I don't hear the scuttlebut. Dr. Liam's dad was pretty pissed about her crusade and bashing of the club, social media shit, which is why his business donated. He was trying to apologize without words. Since she 'does the books' she caught it.Some of you mentioned she's the head of the church--opposite--she's queen bee at the gym/nutrition and a rabid atheist. Dr. Liam's dad decided that he'd bring Dr. Liam to church because he wanted his kid to learn how to be kind and moral. So Kraken told Dr. Liam after he went to church she'd take him out for ice cream.She took him several hours and a state over to her mom's house. He hadn't been home or gotten to talk to anyone he knew basically since my last post. Since they are married Dr. Liam's dad couldn't do shit except a wellness check. I have my own kids. I cannot imagine not having seen them since my last post. Fuck Kraken. Fast forward to last week Dr. Liam was back to get his stuff from school.I called 911 after learning this, not wishing to release a crying kid back to Kraken, saying I feared for his safety. Because I really did since I knew she didn't like me. Also I worried about my other students who were entering in the classroom. So I let the volunteers know, pull in a teacher who is in a nearby classroom to watch mine and book it with Dr. Liam to the Principal's office. We got the principal all set, he called Dr. Liam's dad in a very malicious compliance. Since Dr. Liam's mom withdrew him and thus was no longer a valid emergency contact he called Dr. Liam's dad. The secretary said that she wished she could pack a round. She's at LEAST 80 years old so it was very cute. Ok maybe not to some. But I knew that old lady would defend Liam, and I couldn't love her more. I SWEAR they have the entire police force show up, plus some fire trucks. They get all the bussed kids off. They basically go into a full lock down. I'm not sure what the principal said, but apparently Kraken had something to a couple of Liam's teachers upset that they told the secretary before I even arrived. Kraken did evade arrest but Dr. Liam's was escorted to his dad, who was just sobbing, happy to see his kid. His lawyer showed up and it seems like it's going to be bad news for Kraken. TRO (temporary restraining order) was granted for the school, Dr. Liam, his father and paternal grandparents. Dr. Liam left with his dad. Dr. Liam's dad asked me to take Liam back into class. He hasn't done anything for over a month (not even homeschool). It's going to be tough to do anything. I haven't decided yet because the students in class after 5-6 weeks are in a tremendously different place. The kid needs to heal. I did tell him that I'd give him access to my pandemic video version of the course and see what I could do about sourcing a robot for him and joining back in when ready. I have a coupon at one of those 'things remembered' sort of deals, and I'm thinking of getting Dr. Liam's mad scientist name on a notebook to give to him, since apparently that's his nickname he referred to himself as when his mom kidnapped him. Dr. Liam's dad seems to have good support. I don't plan to update, but will if anything crazy happens. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

"What would you do---19 students, 5 names" + New SHOCKING Update!

NEW UPDATE

cruthkaye

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqo5wj/what_would_you_do19_students_5_names_new_shocking/

yqop96

[removed]

A teenager makes a bad choice, a hard parenting decision is made, and OOP wonders if there is one a****le or two

CONCLUDED

BendSpecialist4762

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqop96/a_teenager_makes_a_bad_choice_a_hard_parenting/

yqoxc2

[removed]

A dress ruined, OOP has to make a tough parenting choice, she wonders if there is one a*****le or two

CONCLUDED

BendSpecialist4762

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqoxc2/a_dress_ruined_oop_has_to_make_a_tough_parenting/

yqp8d7

[removed]

OOP's [31F] fiancé [33M] leaves her for a younger [24F], smarter, prettier, and better version of OOP.

REPOST

ErasedAllMyUsernames

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqp8d7/oops_31f_fiancé_33m_leaves_her_for_a_younger_24f/

yqpnm6

[removed]

There is a girl, I like her, what should I do?

ONGOING

arno_m347

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqpnm6/there_is_a_girl_i_like_her_what_should_i_do/

yqqacu

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/fmlvegetation in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!divorce!< mood spoilers: >!sad, hopeful!< ---   [**he doesn't want children**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ycdyct/he_doesnt_want_children/) - (24 Oct 2022) Last night, my husband told me that he doesn't want to have children. He cried and cried and told me that he's known for sure for a while but didn't know how to tell me because he knows how important it is to me. We've been together for 9 years, married for 2 years, and although he's been depressed for the past year (difficult career stuff happening for him), I thought things were on track. He's said many times that it wasn't a good time for a baby, or that it made him nervous, but never ever that he didn't want them. I'm devastated. I cried and raged and called him a liar. He says he's been lying to himself all this time. I cried myself to sleep and he got up early and went to work without waking me. I'm 37, I feel strongly about having a baby very soon. The thought of never having one breaks my heart. But so does leaving my marriage. I love my husband so much - I would move mountains for him. And I'm so so so angry and sad. Is there any way to move forward? I simultaneously want to hold him and punch him right now. I don't know what to do or how to feel.   [Update to "he doesn't want children."](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yglb8p/update_to_he_doesnt_want_children/) - (30 Oct 2022) I posted Monday about my husband telling me out of nowhere that he never wants children (I do.) It's been a sad, difficult week, but I have made some decisions and taken action. First off, thanks to everyone who offered kind, supportive advice. I have come to the sad realization that I would rather live without my husband than without a child of my own. I am taking steps to leave. I've made an appointment with an OB for a few weeks from now, to discuss my fertility and options for becoming a single parent. I'm working with a realtor to buy a house on my own! This is so exciting to me, I've been wanting to buy for ages and had too much instability to do it before now. There are a lot of little details to work out, and the actual divorce is probably a ways off (because reasons, none of your business.) But in spite of the deep sadness I feel, I think I'm making the right decision. The two friends I've told have been completely supportive and think I'm doing the right thing. Even my husband thinks I'm doing the right thing, although it's clear he's in a lot of pain. He's even offered to help me buy a new bed and things when I move out (too hard to get ours out of our current rental.) So I'm sad, but moving forward with hope. Finally, to everyone who said I'm too old to have kids, go fuck your self.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP: he doesn't want children

INCONCLUSIVE

PedanticPlatypodes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqqacu/oop_he_doesnt_want_children/

yqt9g8

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/explainthebrain1 in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!sexual assault!< ---   [**My girlfriends lesbian best friend grabbed my d*** when we were drinking**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xrl7xq/my_girlfriends_lesbian_best_friend_grabbed_my_d/) - 29 September 2022 We were out drinking and came back to my girlfriends best friends apartment. We’re all sitting by each other on the couch and I have my hands wrapped around both of them. There’s a blanket on us and we’re just talking. My girlfriend doesn’t mind that her best friend is all touchy because she’s lesbian and has only ever been into girls. Well under the covers she starts rubbing my leg and eventually my D***. I immediately got up and acted like I needed to use the bathroom. I didn’t want to say anything but I also feel like my girlfriend should know. I just know it’ll destroy their friendship. We acted like everything was normal the next day and haven’t spoke about it since (2 weeks ago) **Edit:** I’m also worried that her best friend will call me a liar and she might be inclined to believe her because she legit has only ever been with girls. No male hook ups or relationships. So her best friend might play it off like I was too drunk to remember and that I’m tripping. But I definitely wasn’t and I clearly remember **Edit 2:** I can’t get through every comment but I’m reading them all and appreciate it very much. I wrote this in response to the top comment and put it here too: First to the people who are asking me why I didn’t enjoy it and saying it’s every man’s dream, you are dumb. I’m sitting next to the love of my life, someone who I choose to be exclusively with and another person made an unwanted advance. It was uncomfortable, a betrayal of trust to her best friend and as many people called out in this thread, it’s SA. In terms of next steps, someone called out showing her this thread and I think that’s what I’ll do. After thinking about it more, I know she’s going to believe me but I also know she’s going to be very hurt and betrayed. This a friend she inseparable with. Thank you all for the comments and helping me think through this. I will have an update this weekend if anyone’s interested **Edit 3:** telling her tmrow morning. sorry I can’t respond to everything. Thanks all for the support and to the people who are fantasizing about the position I was in, get it together. Some weirdos in this thread **Edit 4: FINAL UPDATE.** I did it. I told my girl the story and she was definitely in shock at first. She asked a lot of the stuff that people called out in the thread. She was surprised because she’s lesbian but understands that we were drinking and she could’ve just been curious. She never doubted me. She wasn’t behind it (as some people thought was a possibility. She def did not want a 3sum). She’s not going to be friends with her. I told her it’s up to her if she wants to call her out and what she wants to say. She’s going to say something and end the friendship. She’s really hurt. A little quiet through it and needs some time to process. And I’ll just be here for her anyway I can   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My girlfriends lesbian best friend grabbed my d*** when we were drinking

CONCLUDED

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqt9g8/my_girlfriends_lesbian_best_friend_grabbed_my_d/

yqt9vn

[removed]

OP has a Stalker that is Escalating their Behavior

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqt9vn/op_has_a_stalker_that_is_escalating_their_behavior/

yqtie5

[removed]

OP Has a Stalker

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqtie5/op_has_a_stalker/

yqudpi

[OH] My HR Department Found My Indeed Profile

CONCLUDED

FlipDaly

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqudpi/oh_my_hr_department_found_my_indeed_profile/

yquvzd

[removed]

My daughter made me cry for the first time in my life.

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yquvzd/my_daughter_made_me_cry_for_the_first_time_in_my/

yqwcs1

I am not the OP, this is a repost sub. Spoiler: >!excessive amounts of meat!< [First post (2/3/2020):](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/02/my-ex-husband-hired-his-new-girlfriend-office-freezer-is-packed-with-personal-groceries-and-more.html) I work in an office with some big personalities, people prone to behave in slightly odd ways. I’m the office admin, so it’s up to me to clean up after people and manage shared spaces. Someone has now filled the freezer in the break room with cuts of meat and now I’m both annoyed and a bit baffled. Literally like, 30-odd individually wrapped cuts of meat. It’s taking up the whole freezer. If anyone else wanted to put anything in the freezer today, they wouldn’t be able to. There is no work event coming up that these could be for and there is no oven or barbecue at the office that you could use cook these, so I believe they’re for personal use and are simply being stored here. I don’t know exactly who did this or what exactly their plan is, but I’m wondering what the best way for me to react to this is. I’m hoping they’ll be gone on Monday, but if they’re not should I take a deep breath and hold my tongue until it’s gone? Bring my concern to the employee, once I find out who it was? Send out an email to all staff with an ultimatum to take their groceries home? Go to my manager? **\*Note - this is question number three at the link. Alison's advice is at the same link\*** [Second post (12/15/2020):](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/update-someone-filled-the-office-freezer-with-30-cuts-of-meat.html) I wrote in January about the day I went into work and found the freezer in the kitchen completely full of meat and wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. Some commenters guessed that it was a meat share between a few employees and they were correct. One of the handful of employees involved was very high up in the organization, so once I figured out who was responsible, I decided to tread lightly and just asked that they try to gradually bring it all home and have it out of the freezer within a month or two. This was what my manager recommended I do, since the people involved were all big personalities. Well, the employees made no effort to empty the freezer and by the beginning of March, it was still completely full of meat. And that’s when our HR director, Craig, found out about the meat through a complaint from another employee (I hadn’t thought to mention it to him because I thought I had it under control, whoops), and reached out to the ringleader, Jack, asking him to please finally take his groceries home. Unfortunately, this also happened on the same day that I independently decided to follow up with Jack about please getting the meat out of there, and Jack took this as a coordinated attack. Jack sent Craig an angry, scolding email about how Craig was totally out of line, trampling on his rights (???) and that it was extremely low and unprofessional of Craig to send his admin lackey after him. It was very strange response and Craig actually asked me to confirm that I also thought this was weird, because the strength and self-righteousness of Jack’s email threw him off. Craig told me he would handle Meatgate going forward and to forget about it. As much as I do think that Jack was out of line, his behavior and sense of entitlement actually fits in pretty well with our workplace culture and there weren’t any consequences for his outburst. Eventually, the meat left the freezer and a week or two later, we switched to remote work because of COVID. Three weeks into working from home, Craig let us know that he had found a new, plush job and that he was leaving the organization. I hope he’s well and working with more normal people these days. While my workplace isn’t really toxic (people are respectful of one another 99% of the time, and the organization is generous to its employees), all of its professional boundaries are slightly off and there seems to be a sense of entitlement among the staff who have been here for a long time. This has turned the office into a weird twilight zone where the organization’s intentions are usually good, but all of its norms are warped and so there’s a lot of weird boundary crossing. While none of them are too serious on their own, they’re constant and they end up being exhausting. For example, for this year’s holiday charity drive, the organization will be matching our donations to the cause. Nice! Except the cause is a non-charitable organization that the CEO runs. And no, I won’t be donating. \*For a fun game - how many red flags can you find about the OOP's company in this story?\*

(AAM) Someone filled the office freezer with 30+ cuts of meat (Concluded)

EXTERNAL

mcgriff4hall

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqwcs1/aam_someone_filled_the_office_freezer_with_30/

yqwfk9

[removed]

OOP’s wife has a threesome without him

ONGOING

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqwfk9/oops_wife_has_a_threesome_without_him/

yqzjfi

[removed]

relationship advice

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqzjfi/relationship_advice/

yqzvnf

[removed]

Engagement ring saves OP a lifetime of misery

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqzvnf/engagement_ring_saves_op_a_lifetime_of_misery/

yr19ah

[removed]

OOP is unhappy with her engagement ring, but it's never about the ring

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yr19ah/oop_is_unhappy_with_her_engagement_ring_but_its/

yr8cdk

[removed]

Today: -CPI data at 1:30pm GMT -SOL unlock in 90 minutes -Bounce from the low looking corrective -SPX being rejected from resistance and DXY bouncing from support Capitulation wave incoming.

NEW UPDATE

upstockking

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yr8cdk/today_cpi_data_at_130pm_gmt_sol_unlock_in_90/

yrbqly

[removed]

I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it.

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrbqly/ive_found_out_why_my_husband_hides_his_best/

yre8uv

**I am not the OP. That is u/laysofancientrome. Original post was posted on r/relationship_advice** *Sorry, if there are any formatting errors. This my first post here.* trigger warning: >!emotional abuse!< mood spoiler: >!infuriating at first, then sad but hopeful!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y5ree8/me_f_30_my_cousin_m27_his_wife_f26_his_life/) *posted on October 16, 2022* **Me (F 30) my cousin (M27) his wife (F26) his life imploded because of a prank. What shall I do?** My cousin (he grew up with our family so he is more like my brother due to him being an orphan) used to be a prankster. some of his pranks are a bit much but we (me, my mother, my father, my sister, and my older brother) have always found the humor in his pranks. When he got older, he became more mature and the pranks pretty much stopped. He got married two years to an angel of a woman. she has a heart of gold and a pure soul. six months ago I broke my foot and she became my nurse. I didn't ask for any help but she came to my house the day the hospital discharged me and ordered me to eat and watch Netflix while she took care of me and the house. Bottom line is, the girl is awesome! On to the issue at hand. As I said in the beginning, my cousin used to be a prankster but stopped around 6 years ago. But for some reason, he decided to prank his wife ( let's call her Aliya) with the ''24-hour ignoring your partner'' prank. Before I go on. Aliya had a terrible first marriage where her ex used silent treatment and basically controlled her. She told me that she used to cry and beg him to talk to her (she's a people pleaser and hates the idea of someone angry at her, she is in therapy for that) My cousin knows all about that, but for some idiotic reason, he decided to prank her. According to my cousin, he ignored her for like 5 hours before she contacted my in tears saying that my cousin won't talk to her and he left the house and he was not answering her calls and that she doesn't know what she did. I came to their house and called him. He answered and I asked him what is going on. He asked what I meant. I explained to him what Aliya said and he laughed and said he was coming. I knew instantly it was a prank and a very stupid one. He came home and was laughing saying it was a prank. But his laughter died immediately when he saw the look on her face. she was beyond hurt and the more he said '' I'm sorry baby it was a prank'' the more she turned her face away from him. After 20 minutes of him saying different variations of ''I'm sorry'' and her not saying a single word, she stood up, backed a bag, and left the house. Now it is my cousin's turn to be a crying mess, calling 30 times and messaging her God knows how much, and her ignoring his existence. the difference is, this is not a prank! I'm there for her and I've tried to not say anything about my cousin's mental state, so that I don't influence her decision (he's severely depressed and I'm genuinely worried about him) But I really don't want them to get a divorce. What can I do? how can I fix this? How can I be there for my cousin ( I made it clear to him that what he did was beyond F up and maybe it was our fault for enabling his careless behavior when he was a teenager, and how disappointed we are in him right now) but as I said, he's more than a cousin to me and I cannot just stop loving him. All of this happened a week ago. What can I do? sometimes I feel like '' F it! it ain't my problem'' But I find myself checking on my cousin to make sure he eats and sleeps. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/user/laysofancientrome/comments/y7axfw/update_me_f_30_my_cousin_m27_his_wife_f26_his/) *posted on October 18, 2022* **Update! Me (F 30) my cousin (M27) his wife (F26) his life imploded because of a prank. What shall I do?** Hi guys! the moderators keep removed my post (go check my profile for the full story) but I thought you guys deserved an update since your responses were insightful and very helpful, so thank you for that. So I'll post it on my profile I have a semi-conclusion to this story but my father was doing surgery so I waited till everything was ok with him, and it is, thank God! On to the update! I told my cousin that if he was going to visit my father, he needed to not make a scene and approach Aliya and try to talk to her (she called me telling me that she was coming to visit my father, and I told her she didn't need to come, but she insisted) he promised me he won't talk to her and that he'll wait in the café with my older brother (my father is the only one who doesn't know about the incident, we kept it to ourselves till the surgery and the recovery was done) Aliya came and when without a hint of a problem. When dad was resting, I took my cousin to a nearby café and pretty much interrogated him. what you guys said about him using this as a punishment stuck with me especially when he didn't do any pranks for 6 years! Even when he used to do pranks, they were more annoying physically than psychologically, like throwing water when you least suspected. pulling the chair under you. I asked him: you stopped 6 years ago and all of a sudden you do this? and to her of all people, knowing her trauma? Before I go, I need to explain something, some comments thought that Aliya was exaggerating with her reaction. He was ignoring her whiles he was at home. One-word answer and generally being very cold to her. and when she called me was when he left the house and didn't answer her. The people who said that there is something behind his behavior were right. He was upset that she was spending way more time at her father's house (he's physically disabled and has a male nurse that takes care of him, but Aliya handles all her father's financial duties since her mother died. I asked him: you knew about her situation before you guys got married? She told you everything, Hell I told you everything (I was the one introducing her to him) he said: I know, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being left one more time by someone that I love. I asked him: what do you mean by one more time? He lowered his head and said in a voice almost ashamed: I always felt that mama (he calls my mother mama) preferred you guys (me and my siblings) over me. I saw red and I'm not proud of this, but I started to be really angry, and I wanted to slap him. His bio-mother (my aunt) was my mother's younger sister. According to my father ( I was like 5) my mother when into severe depression and the only thing that she could hold on to was my father, us, and him. She raised him and so did my father. I didn't know he wasn't my bio-brother but my cousin at the age of 16 for God's sake. That is how tight we were. And for him to say that devastated me and filled me with anger I didn't know I had. I was so close to slapping him when I saw he was crying really hard. He said: I know it sounds crazy and I'm sorry, but this is how I felt all my life. I didn't say anything, I just stood up and said: you are going to therapy, and if refuse then lose my number. He just nodded and asked: what about Aliya? I said: you'll leave her alone. And whatever she decides you'll go along with it. He nodded again whiles crying. we when back to my father's room and I left the hospital. I'm angry and heartbroken. I don't know what is like to be an orphan, so I'll never pretend to understand him. But I swear to the Lord Almighty we did everything so that he'll never feel left out. what Shall I do now? As for Aliya, I told her that she'll always find a friend and a sister in me and my other sister, no matter what she decides So, there it is! I'm more confused than before. Tell me, what would you do? [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ykyauh/final_update_me_f_30_my_cousin_m27_his_wife_f26/) *posted on November 3, 2022* **Final update! Me (F 30) my cousin (M27) his wife (F26) his life imploded because of a prank. What shall I do?** Hi guys! I really hope that the moderators don't remove this post. This will be my final update. My cousin is in therapy. He and his wife decided to have a temporarily separation for 6 months. During these 6 months he'll continue his individual therapy and he and Aliya will have one day every week where they'll go for walks and talk openly and honesty about everything. Aliya suggested couples counseling as well, my cousin agreed to it. That's it! No one knows what will happens after these 6 months but at least everyone is trying to heal. Thank you soo much for everyone that commented and gave my advice! And to those wonderful people who messaged me privately and wished me and my family well, I thank you. **The OP has since removed her posts. So it's unlikely that we'll get anymore updates.** **Again, I am not the OP.**

OOP's cousin pulls a prank on his wife that almost ruins his marriage

INCONCLUSIVE

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yre8uv/oops_cousin_pulls_a_prank_on_his_wife_that_almost/

yrelfx

[removed]

$BTC looking bearish on very low timeframe too CPI in 45m. Expecting a quick scam pump darth maul style, then ultimate capitulation to 14k (with potential wick to 13000s)

CONCLUDED

upstockking

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrelfx/btc_looking_bearish_on_very_low_timeframe_too_cpi/

yrj3l4

[removed]

I want to spend Christmas at home

REPOST

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrj3l4/i_want_to_spend_christmas_at_home/

yrje7k

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwraneverland in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!child abuse, threats!< ---   [**How can I (22F) make my husband (37M) understand (it was a marriage of convenience) that I really love him?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lr19a1/how_can_i_22f_make_my_husband_37m_understand_it/) - 24 February 2021 We got married almost four years ago because it was the only way for me to be safe, my father was an abusive and extremely conservative man, he raised me by himself and made my childhood a nightmare, he was sick in the head, he was very religious, he was interested in a religion and culture that were not even ours and that made him change completely, he didn't want me to have any kind of relationship with boys, that's why I was homeschooled. But when I was almost 19 I tried to escape from home and when he realized he did horrible things to me, that's when I met my now husband, he is a lawyer and he was our neighbor so he tried to help me and thanks to him I was able to go to college and have a safe place to live, but that didn't last long because soon my father found out where I lived and he and his friends (who practice the same religion as him) began to threaten my husband and me, and being honest the laws in my country are useless, all I could do was get a restraining order but every time he violated that order, nobody did anything, not even the police but what could they do? My father has really important friends and thanks to their power they always saved him. So I ended up getting married so I could move to my husband's country and be safe. In all these years he never took advantage of me, he always treated me as if he were my tutor, he always encouraged me to go to college and get a good job so that I could be independent, and in a certain way now I am, I'll turn 23 this month, I graduated and I have a very well paid job that I got myself, a job with which I could rent an apartment and finally move out of his house, but I don't wanna do that, I want to be his wife I mean his real wife, and he knows it because a few days ago we had sex for the first time and I told him I loved him but he said that is not true, that I'm really young and that I only say that I love him because he helped me in the past and because he was the first man I slept with. But that's not true, I thank him for everything he did for me but I didn't fall in love with him because of that, I love him because in these years I got to know him better and I fell in love with everything about him, he is the sweetest, kindest, funniest, smartest and beautiful man I have ever met. We talked a lot about it and he told me that he loves me too but that nothing will ever happen between us because of our ages, that it was best to forget what happened, but I don't want that, how can I let him know that I really love him and that I want to try to make this marriage really work?   [**Update: How can I (22F) make my husband (37M) understand (it was a marriage of convenience) that I really love him?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qqf5yo/update_how_can_i_22f_make_my_husband_37m/) - 9 November 2021 Some of you messaged me to post an update and I thought it was the right time to do so, so here I am. After my post my husband (38M) and I (23F) talked a lot about our future. He told me to move out and try to live my life without him so that I could experience being independent for once, but I didn't want to. I told him that I was happy with the life I had with him, and that I wanted our marriage to work. So after long talks (we literally spent weeks talking about it, he's not very easy to convince haha) we decided to give it a try, and it worked really well. I started going to therapy, because I knew I had a few wounds from the past that needed to heal, and it was the best decision I made in my whole life (so thanks to everyone who told me I should go to therapy, it was the best advice I read). A few months after making the decision to make our marriage work I got pregnant and therapy was what helped me the most at that time, because to be honest when I found out it was not a happy moment. I was scared of being a horrible parent like mine, and if it hadn't been for therapy I don't know if I would have understood that I am not them, and that my daughter will be safe with me and her dad because we both love her and we will protect her from everything we can. Also quarantine made everything easier because we spent the whole day together and it was definitely a great help in making our relationship stronger. I really liked spending those months alone the two of us because despite the little arguments (not everything is perfect as it seems) I've fallen in love with him even more, and I'm one hundred percent sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I know I don't love him for what he did for me in the past, I'll always be grateful for that, but I don't love him for that. I love him because he is always trying to make me laugh with silly jokes, because he is the sweetest and kindest man I have ever met, I love him because he is selfless, and because he always listens to me even when I know he had a long and exhausting day, he is always there for me. But what makes me love him the most is seeing him so excited for our baby, knowing that soon we will be a family (the family I always dreamed of) melts my heart. So things are definitely better now and I couldn't ask for someone better to spend the rest of my life with. Thanks to all the people who messaged me and gave me amazing advice, I appreciate it with all my heart because those advice really helped me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

How can I (22F) make my husband (37M) understand (it was a marriage of convenience) that I really love him?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrje7k/how_can_i_22f_make_my_husband_37m_understand_it/

yrjpck

[removed]

AITA for ALMOST throwing away my stepson's pillowcase?

CONCLUDED

DonJuanTriunfante

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrjpck/aita_for_almost_throwing_away_my_stepsons/