text: Hey mister, where you headed? Are you in a hurry?
  Need a lift to happy hour? Say, oh no
  Do you brake for distilled spirits? I need a break as well
  The well that inebriates the guilt
  One, two, one, two, three, four!
  Cold turkeys getting stale, tonight Im eating crow
  Fermented salmonella, poison oak, no
  Theres a drought at the fountain of youth, and Im dehydrated
  My tongue is swelling up, I say
  One, two, one, two, three, four!
  Troubled times, you know I cannot lie
  Im off the wagon and Im hitchin a ride
  Theres a drought at the fountain of youth, and Im dehydrated
  My tongue is swelling up, I say... shit!
  Troubled times, you know I cannot lie
  Im off the wagon and Im hitchin a ride
   Hitchin a ride
   Hitchin a ride
   Hitchin a ride
   Hitchin a ride
   Hitchin a ride
   Hitchin a ride
   Hitchin a ride
   Hitchin a ride, say birthday boys, hey!