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1azui8

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

1azs40

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

1azp73

Story for St. Peter

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day and they only let in a certain amount per day so St. Peter says, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and St. Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here." Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

1azose

Wrong Approach..

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says: "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says: "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?'... she never even stirs!"

1azof4

The hippy and the nun

A hippy gets on the bus. When he sees a nun he likes, he walks up to her and says "Wanna have sex with me?" The nun replies "Heavens no!" and runs off the bus. When the hippy gets off the bus at the next stop, the bus driver says "See that grave over there? That nun goes over there every night at 8:30. If you dress up as a ghost, then she will have no option, other than to have sex with you". The hippy nods and gets off the bus. At 8:30, the hippy goes to to the graveyard, dressed as a ghost, and hides behind the grave. The nun then comes, and starts praying. Then, th hippy stands up and says "I command you to have sex with me!" The nun replies "Oh.. Ok then.. But I have an oath of virginity, so it will have to be from err.. Behind." They then go back to the hippies apartment. Afterwards, the hippy runs away going "Haha I am the hippy!", and the nun runs away going "Haha I am the bus driver!"

1azn9w

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests...

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"

1azgk6

How do people with acid reflux complain?

errr mer GERD

1az667

Where do you find a paraplegic

Where you left them

1az1fo

Mirror Inspector

When I think about it, inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

1az11s

I was the principle subject in a lengthy experiment on laziness

They told me the results but I couldn't be fucked listening.

1aywgb

What did the sea say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

1ayu0m

Curious bedtime thought

Last night I was lying in bed with my fiancee and wondered aloud what it would be like to sleep next to Michael J. Fox on a waterbed. She retorted, "I'd rather be on the bridge of the S.S. Minnow." This is why I'm marrying this girl.

1aysta

what do you call a priest who quits to become a lawyer?

..... a father in law.

1aysmx

What's a camel?

A horse made by committee.

1aypy8

Have you heard of the Tempura House?

It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

1ayo2k

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special. We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends. I was sitting on the couch naked.

1aynko

Birthday sex

Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great sex, anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"

1aymya

A Brit, a Scott, and an Irishman...

So a Britt, a Scott, and an Irishman walk into a bar. They all sit down and order their ales of choice. While they are talking, a fly dives into each of their ales. Disgusted, the Brit says, "Bartender a new ale please" and continues drinking his new ale. The Scott looks at the fly in his ale and couldn't be bothered and says, "Ah to hell with it" and drinks the whole thing, fly and all. When the Irishman notices his fly he pulls the fly out of the ale, violently squeezes it and yells, "Spit it out you damn bugger! Spit it out!"

1ayl04

Two middle aged gentlemen are seated next to each other at a wedding reception

Gentleman 1: Not too long ago the bride used to play in my lap. Look at her now, getting married, looking so pretty... Gentleman 2: You must be her uncle, right? Gentleman 1: Nope. I am her boss.

1ayhv3

A construction worker on the 5th floor...

A construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning *I*, pointed to his knee meaning *need*, then moved his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock and starts masturbating. The worker on the 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says: *"What the fuck is your problem!? I said I needed a handsaw!"* The other guy says: *"I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"*

1ayjhw

My grandfather's favorite

A homeless man was walking down the street, noticeable wearing only one shoe. A passing policeman saw and commented, "Morning, did you lose your shoe?" The homeless man replies, "I didn't lose a shoe, I found one!"

1ayjci

A man sees a dog mauling a small girl...

...and runs over to help. After the girl gets away, a nearby journalist comes to the man and says "That was incredible! Tomorrow, the headlines will read 'Brave New Yorker Saves Girl'", to which the man replies "But I am not a New Yorker." The journalist then says "Then they will read 'Brave American Saves Girs'", and again the man replies "But I am not an American!" The journalist then asks, "Then where are you from?" The man smiles and says "I am an Afghan!" The next day, the headlines read "Islamic Extremist Murders Innocent American Dog"

1ayj71

Since we are doing lightbulb jokes, here's one...

Q: How many abstract artists does it to screw in a lightbulb? A: A fish!

1ayikx

Why is Tigger always dirty?

Because he plays with Pooh

1aygog

I was told that hardcore Christians don't think anal counts as losing your virginity

so that's why pastors get off scot free

1aygjd

Man sits down at his neighborhood bar...

the bartender said "you look very happy today." The man responded that he so happy since he met a woman. The man explained that he met her a week ago while walking along the railroad tracks on the way home from the bar. "Since the moment we met, she hasn't left my side" the man explains. The bartender asked "did you have sex with her?" The man responds "oh yeah, 3 times a day." The bartender then asked "did you eat her out? The man replies, "oh yeah, she loves it!" The bartender then asked if he got head? The man replied, "no, I couldn't find that."

1ayfbt

How many girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know...

1ayda0

Did you know I'm dating a dental hygienist?

She has the cleanest teeth I've ever come across.

1aybwu

What's the difference between a leper and a tree?

A tree has limbs.

1aybgp

It takes a village to raise a child...

...it takes a child with a flamethrower to raze a village.

1ayahe

What do you tell a woman with a black eye?

Nothing, she's already been told twice.

1ay8e9

Do you know what the difference is between a white person and a black person that sell drugs?

One is a pharmacist and one is a drug dealer!

1ay0t1

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef strokin' off.

1axzhk

What's better than roses on your piano?

- tulips on your organ.

1axu97

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

1axsxq

Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano?

Having crabs on yer organ!

1axrl4

What do you call an anorexic girl that has a yeast infection?

A quarter-pounder with cheese.

1axqno

What is the difference between a man and a dog?

A man wears a suit and the dog, pants.

1axqav

Friends are like trees...

They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

1axqa1

The greatest swordsman in the world.

There was a competition going on in Spain to see who the worlds greatest swordsman was. The final three competitors had been chosen and were brought on stage in front of the anticipating crowd to showcase their talent. The first swordsman stepped forward causing the crowd to hush. One of the judges proceeded to release a small black fly and let it buzz around the stage. With the flick of his wrist and faster than you can blink the fly hit the ground in two pieces. The audience bursts into applause as the swordsman steps back. Next is the second swordsmans turn and he faces the same challenge. The fly is is released and in two swift motions he cuts the fly into four pieces. The audience is even more impressed and gives the man a standing ovation. Finally the third swordsman takes the spotlight and another fly is released onto the stage. The swordsman takes one quick swish at the fly but it continues to fly around the stage. The audience is dumbstruck. Finally someone from the audience speaks up: "sir... The fly is still alive." "Ah, si" replies the swordsman "but he will never be a father"

1axob2

Why do blacks keep on getting stronger?

TVs are getting heavier.

1axkx7

What candy do you give your wife before you get married?

Pre-nup brittle.

1axj6i

Three Engineers

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God. The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!" The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!" The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."

1axiui

Why do porn sites have a share to Google+ option?

I don't want my friends knowing I use Google+.

1axhb0

a waiter walks up to a table of yentas and asks,

"is ANYTHING alright?"

1axbjj

Lawn Sprinkler

What do you call four Mexicans, one Chinaman, and three Blacks standing in a yard? Lawn sprinkler. "Spick spick spick spick, chink, nigga nigga nigga."

1ax8wj

Two elderly men are lounging on the porch of the Socialist Nudist Club, and one says to the other....

"Say old chap, have you read Marx?" "Why yes. It's these bloody wicker chairs!"

1ax712

It says......

Deep in the chambers of the monastery Father Seamus is transcribing scripture. As Father Ignatius walks by he sees Father Seamus sobbing uncontrollably. "Father Seamus! What ever could be troubling you so!!??!!" said Father Ignatius. Father Seamus, wiping his tears, says: "It says CELEBRATE."

1ax6p7

What happens when you find bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

1ax6ci

If a woman with big boobs works at Hooters where does a woman with one leg work?

IHOP

1awxl1

Drinking too much

Every night a guy would come home blitzed out of his mind and puke in the kitchen sink. His wife grew tired of this and always berated him, "Johnny! One of these nights you are going to come home and puke your guts out!!" He doesn't listen so she decides to put a chicken's worth of chicken guts in the sink to teach him a lesson. That night Johnny comes home and again pukes in the sink..... The next morning his wife says, "You see it finally happened...." Johnny says, "You were right dear but through the grace of God and your long handled spoon.....I got them all back in again"

1awur8

A lady wants to surprise her husband

So on their anniversary, she buys a pair of crotchless panties. She slides them on, lies back on the bed, and waits for him to get home. When he arrives and opens the bedroom door, she says, grinning and winking, "What's up baby? You want some of this?" Her husband takes one look and replies, "Hell no! Look what it's done to your panties!"

1awu1o

Lawyers Vs Lab Animals

Why it's better to start using lawyers instead of lab animals? 1. There are more lawyers 2. No animal rights organization would complain about torturing them 3. They are closer to humans than animals

1awtzm

Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a pair of curtains!

Well that's more of a mental health issue, I'm not really qualified to help you.

1awsfo

What's the hardest part about eating a brownie?

Having to face her parents at the sentencing.

1awr5c

A teacher asks her class...

A teacher asks her class "if there are 5 birds sitting on a wall and you shoot one of them how many are left?" She calls on little johnny "none they all fly away at the first gunshot" the teacher replies "the correct answer is 4 but I like your thinking" then little johnny replies "now I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is delicately liking the sides of a triple scoop ice cream, the second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone and the third is biting of the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher blushes and replies "well I guess the one that is gobbling down top and sucking the cone" "the correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking"

1awp8n

What do plumbers and slinkies have in common

They both make you laugh when you push them down stairs

1awpkt

An engineer, physicist and mathematician are in an interview (with no accountants) ...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are in an interview. The engineer is asked, 'What is 2+2?'. The engineer instantly pulls out his calculator, but since its floating point processor firmware has a bug, 2+2 gives him 3.999 which he tells the panel. The physicist is asked the same question, and he replies 'Well, using a back of the envelope calculation, 2 is order of magnitude 1. Adding two numbers of magnitude 1, will result in a number less than order of magnitude 2. Therefore 2 + 2 is less than 100'. They finally pose the problem to the mathematician, and he pulls out this notebook and starts scribbling. 30 minutes later, he looks up the panel and triumphantly declares, 'It converges!!!'

1awp53

Muslim extremists have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London...

Police think it might be the early start of Ram-a-dam.

1awnw9

Recently I felt Funny and came over Queasy...

At which point I was told to leave the local theatre adaption of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

1awg7x

A soon-to-be-wed couple are snuggling in bed after sex one night...

...The man suggests that they come clean about any straying that they may have done since they got together. "It`s best to get this stuff out in the open before the wedding," he explains. The woman replies, "Oh darling. Don`t you remember? We went through all this a month ago." The man takes a deep breath and says, "Aah...yes...But that was a month ago..."

1awfrr

The passengers on a small plane are quite surprised the when the pilots arrive.

The passengers on a small plane are quite surprised when the pilots arrive. The pilots walk up the aisle, both wearing dark glasses. One has a seeing-eye dog, the other is tapping his way with a white-tipped cane. The cockpit door closes, the engines start up. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway. People by the windows realize they're heading right towards the water at the end of the runway. Panic ensues. Screams fill the air. At that very moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot. "Y'know, Bob," he says. "One day they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die."

1awdma

Want to hear a good pee joke?

Well urine luck.

1awawm

Hooker, Mistress, Wife nsfw

What is the the difference between a hooker, mistress, wife? After sex, a hooker says"I hope you got your moneys worth." a mistress says "I hope it was as good for you as it was for me?", and a wife says "Beige honey, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."

1aw8d5

What repulsive awful thing can be found in a black persons clothes?

The black person.

1aw7u3

What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball?

A hypochondriac

1aw5uq

My friends and I got so high in Amsterdam that we went to a local store and stole a couple of bags of ice....

We took them down to the canal and released them back into the wild.

1aw3mw

What does Salvador Dahli eat for breakfast?

Surreal.

1aw3kz

Hello jokesters! How about we show off our best 'I'm so poor that...' jokes.

Fell free to put any joke that you feel is funny.

1aw20b

What's the difference between a gay man's moustache and a straight man's moustache?

The smell.

1avu30

My wife called me mean...

... so I called her average.

1avwlb

What is 168?

Dinner for 4.

1avves

A woman is marrying a sailor

Before the wedding night her father warns her "Now lass, when you get to bed tonight he might demand it 'the other way around'" "What do you mean" she asks but he tells her she'll find out soon enough. The wedding night comes and goes without the groom asking for it the other way around and through 10 years of marriage still no request. Finally the woman can contain her curiosity any longer and says to her husband "Would you like it 'the other way around' tonight?" To which he replies "What - and risk you getting pregnant?"

1avv37

Nurse pops her head into the doctor's office.....

Nurse: 'Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room.' Doctor: 'Tell him I can't see him.'

1avuoi

A lady runs up to a golf pro giving a lesson ...

... and says "Help! I've just been stung by a bee!". The golf pro asks where. The lady says "Between the first and second holes." The pro says, "Well, I can tell you right now your stance is way too wide."

1avu71

Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas?

Me neither. He couldn't open his presents.

1avpwd

How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid?

Mini-mom wage.

1avoob

Did you hear about the overweight, alcoholic transvestite?

He liked to eat, drink, and be Mary.

1avna5

What is the difference between the Pope and acne?

Acme doesn't come on to your face until after 13.

1avkv9

A statistician and his wife are going I vacation.

As they are packing, the statistician puts a bomb in his suit case. "Good god, what's that for?" His wife asks. "Well, there's low odds of one bomb being on a plane, what are the odds of there being two?"

1avee2

Did you hear Rolf Harris is dyslexic?

rofl

1avbuf

What do you say to a gay man with plumbers butt?

Pull up your pants, I can see your vagina. Bahahahahahahahahahaha.

1avalc

a dyslexic man walks into a bra

1ava9b

SIXTY NINER anybody?

A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do "69". "What the hell is that?" asks the guy. Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain, "I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine." Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get in to the position, she lets go a RIP-ROARING fart. "What was that for?" he asks. "Oooopppps! Sorry, lets try it again." she says. So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. "Wait, where are you going?" she asks. The guy says, " If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy

1av69i

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69.

And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

1av39x

Three logicians walk into a bar..

The bartender asks, "would all three of you like some beer?" The first one replies,"I don't know" The second one replies, "I don't know either" The third replies, "Yes all three of us would like a beer"

1av27h

Joan Rivers is just like Soldier Field...

She used to be a National Historical Landmark before all of the modifications.

1av220

Calculus joke

Epsilon is wandering around. Suddenly he sees his friend Delta. "Delta, it's good to see you! But what are you doing here?" Delta replies, "Oh, I was just in the neighborhood."

1auxmy

The yuppie and the shepherd.

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure". The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is,will you give me back my animal?", "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business...... Now give me back my dog."

1auvmz

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

1auuys

Where do burgers go to dance

At the MEATBALL U !FOOKERS!

1auug0

Engineer, Physicist and Mathematician

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are sleeping in their respective hotel rooms when a problem with the hotel's electrical system causes sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the wastepaper basket. The engineer wakes up from the alarm, sees what is going on and runs to the bathroom. He fills a bucket with water, which he throws onto the wastepaper basket. Relieved that the fire is out, he goes back to bed. The physicist wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire. He then goes to the bathroom and fills a bucket with the precise amount of water he needs (accounting for measurement error), and proceeds to put out the fire. He then goes back to bed. The mathematician wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire. "Aha! A solution exists!" And he goes back to bed. *Alternate ending* Later that night the hotel's electrical system fails again, causing sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the bed sheets. The mathematician wakes up, considers the fire, and then takes the still-burning sheets and puts them in the wastepaper basket. "Aha! I've reduced the problem to a previously-solved form!" And he goes back to bed.

1autf7

I tried searching on Google for 'Lost Medieval Servant Boy'. It told me 'This Page Cannot Be Found'.

1aus2t

A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...

They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?" "Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood." "Alright." "I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said. "Noted." "One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?" "Sure thing." **Poof** He became a maxi pad.

1auqa3

What did the customer ask the prostitute when they got to the hotel?

Do you come here often?

1auoed

Instructions for cleaning the toilet

**Instructions for cleaning the toilet:** 1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo. 2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet. 3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid. 4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will produce generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying herself. 5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle. 6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door. 7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed she will be moving from the toilet to the front door. 8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.

1auned

Heard about the newest fad shoes on the market?

They're called dykies....... The main selling points for them is: * They've got an extra long tongue. * you need to use 3 fingers to get 'em off. *apologies to anybody who finds this offensive/stereotypical*

1aulhn

A friend of mine asked if I could give her the definition of a double entendre...

so I gave it to her.

1aul43

Can you think of something more ironic than being a gay chiropractor?

Choosing a career in which your job is to make people straight again.

1auiri

What is the last thing the host of an orgy says to his guests?

Thank you for coming!