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[Themes: Lovecraftian, Lovecraftian] > Go downward You light the way forward, downward, with the burning fire of your hands as you descend. In the Uttermost Deep (red-lit) You swim through the thick black water, down here where the pressure is almost all there is to feel. Whatever's going on at the surface, you have no idea. Through the red-lit blackness of the deep, you can make out a strange stone formation to the south. The weathered black book glowers from where it sits. > You go east The plane, and its surrounding wreckage, block your way. Even swimming around it would be exhausting, not to mention pointless.

> Go down The tail of the plane is lodged at the top of a stone cliff, extending down into darkness. The shelf of the cliff extends on, seemingly endlessly, to the east. Aside from this, little else is visible; the sea is dim in all directions. The book seems to strain downward, like a living thing, dragging you deeper into darkness.

[Themes: Lovecraftian] > Go down The tail of the plane is lodged at the top of a stone cliff, extending down into darkness. The shelf of the cliff extends on, seemingly endlessly, to the east. Aside from this, little else is visible; the sea is dim in all directions. The weathered black book glowers from where it sits. The book sinks down and out of sight.

[Themes: Lovecraftian, Lovecraftian] > Go downward You light the way forward, downward, with the burning fire of your hands as you descend. Down here, everything is dark and heavy, like liquid night. A huge stone wall, the side of the great cliff, stretches south from where you float. The weathered black book glowers from where it sits. > Go upwards Above you is the shadowy, rectangular shape of the survivors' makeshift flotilla. From below, you can see dangling straps, dancing in the currents. The wreckage of your plane lies north, blurred in your vision at this distance by the brine. The book seems to strain downward, like a living thing, dragging you deeper into darkness.

> Go down Here you find yourself floating at the lip of a great stone shelf, extending to the east past where your eyes can see through the brine. The wreck of the plane is lodged against it to the north. The weathered black book glowers from where it sits. The book sinks down and out of sight.

[Themes: Lovecraftian, Lovecraftian] > Go down You light the way forward, downward, with the burning fire of your hands as you descend. Down here, everything is dark and heavy, like liquid night. A huge stone wall, the side of the great cliff, stretches north from where you float. A powerful current seems to bearing you eastward, into the wall of stone. The weathered black book glowers from where it sits. > Inventory You are carrying: the book (closed) a pen light a paddle your bag (open) a fez cap a cosmetic mirror an apple (snagged at Cairo Airport) a plastic knife your cell phone > You examine the bag A well-crafted leather bag. This thing has been with you on many adventures. In your bag is a fez cap. > You enter the opening You are far too large. > You cut yourself (with the knife) You have no desire at all to lunge at yourself with your knife. > You enter the book You push your head against the page—you pass through, as if it wasn't there, and tumble through into the void... ## You are in an inky black expanse, stretching infinitely in every direction. It is utterly, eerily silent. The book floats here, open, its pages shimmering in nonexistent light, beckoning you to return to the world. > You get the book You close and latch the book as you pick it up. The book falls closed behind you, somehow.

> Look around You are in an inky black expanse, stretching infinitely in every direction. It is utterly, eerily silent. You think you see a brown perturbance in the black space, north of here. > You go north You are in an inky black expanse, stretching infinitely in every direction. It is utterly, eerily silent and dry. You think you see a brown perturbance in the black space, north of here. > You enter the book You push your head against the page—you pass through, as if it wasn't there, and tumble through... You emerge in the inside an enormous tunnel, slightly disoriented. Inside an enormous tunnel You close and latch the book as you pick it up. This place is even darker than the cliffside you left. The book must have floated in, or... drawn itself in, however it does so. Something feels very unnatural. You're floating near the ceiling of what must be a vast stone tunnel, utterly black, lit only by the soft red embers of your hands. A glowing sliver of dimness behind you, to the south, must be the slot in the stone—there's no getting back out. The floor is too far below you to see, and the seemingly infinite cold tunnel continues to the north. > Inventory You are carrying: the book (closed) a pen light a paddle your bag (open) a fez cap a cosmetic mirror an apple (snagged at Cairo Airport) a plastic knife your cell phone > You go to the north You swim forward. The utterly black tunnel stretches on, northwards, growing more dread and more freezing with every stroke of movement. The hard stone above your head feel oppressive in the dark. > You go north You swim forward. You float before what seems to be upper part of a gargantuan stone doorway; in the dark, you can feel strange inscriptions on its surface. But it is ajar, and in its cyclopean size that crack would be large enough to fit you through. North... > You look at the door You can only really feel it, not see it, for the darkness here is so complete; but there is a warmth behind it, and perhaps a glow. > Go north You swim forward. As you step into the charnel stone room behind the great door, your withered ears are filled with a sound of mad piping, and the rhythm of a thousand inconceivable drums. There, upon the throne, is—oh, but you cannot say it! You cannot even think it! But it has a face, if you could call it that, and the face laughs; the craggy monument of moss and flesh is fluttering in its joy, delighted by the horror which dances before it. A dance! A dance not unknown to you, perhaps glimpsed in passing in a dream, perhaps imagined in the fever of an endless nightmare. Like a mad puppet, like a thing possessed, the gray jester of this infernal court is thrashing its limbs upon the age-cracked floor. All else is monstrous, unnameable, amphibian and colossal in their size. But this— this dancer, when its face turns back, you cannot help but know. It is a face you glimpsed in scummed pools, in shards of blood-stained glass. The visage which the infernal book made wane away, whose vanishment you cursed with every breath— for now it is you, the monster, that is the slavering servant of the beast divine. And this infernal, mad jester bears your face, grotesque, ruined by the gaze of ten thousand evil things. Your book expands, like living flesh, like a sigh.

[Themes: Humor] Dear Blogreaders, yesterday was the strangest day of my life! The things I have seen - and done - it was so strange...so horrible. And yet, wonderful. You remember that guy from the Psychology course? Paul? We had a date the day before yesterday. Some people already emailed me with questions regarding how it went. But sorry, especially to you, Toby43, but I was to tired, and, honestly, to drunk to go online that night. I'll skip that part, maybe I'll write about it later, because I have to tell you what went down this night. Paul was throwing this big New-Years-Eve party and he invited me (of course, I may add with what little self-esteem I have), to help him organize - and stay overnight. That's how it all started. I arrived in the midst of the party, because I was visiting my family before that. So when I went in the door, Paul rushed at me. I couldn't have anticipated what happened next, that this would turn into... Paul, his brown hair in a cute pony-tail, rushes at you, a huge bowl of eggnog in his hand. He told you yesterday that he prepared it carefully after some old family recipe. He looks at you in utter horror, squeaking: "Mice." "Of me to drop by?" "No, Mice. They were in the house yesterday, and now one is in my eggnog." His voice is but a whisper. "Hm, throw it away?" you suggest carefully. "No, Alex, everyone is waiting for it. Also, the noodles haven't arrived yet and the sandwiches are disappearing rapidly.So people need something to feed on." Right at that moment, the head of a small mouse pokes out of the liquid. The little bugger looks around, then begins to swim around quite happily. "Get rid of these foul vermin! Save my eggnog." You both look down on the swimming mouse. "And please don't hurt the poor little creature." With that, Paul disappears into the living room, leaving the bowl in your hands. A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens west into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) Your steps don't make any sound on the the thick, red carpet. You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here. [Author's Note: You play as Alex, a young gay man attending a New Year's Eve party at your boyfriend Paul's. Paul would just love to host a perfect party, but he keeps running into unexpected problems, like this mouse in the bowl of eggnog. Fortunately for Paul, you're good at solving problems.] > Inventory You are carrying: a bowl of eggnog > You examine the drawers A chest of drawers, some cheap, flashy IKEA thing. > You take the thing No, that belongs to Paul. > You get the thjing No, that belongs to Paul. > You drink the eggnog No! A mouse swam in it! Let those stupid party people drink it. > You eat the mouse (first taking the mnouse) The mouse quickly evades any attempt at interaction. > You open the door Which do you mean, the small door or the front door? > Small You open the small door and cram yourself into the Potter room. Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. > You drink the mouse The mouse quickly evades any attempt at interaction. > You look at the tools Every shelf carries its own heap of rusty, quite useless tools. > Search tools You find an Uzi, which you pocket. > You look at Uzi An Uzi. Like in the movies. Paul told you it belonged to his grandfather, who was a bit on the funny side, and he tended to displace his magazine. Paul also told you that the thing is quite old and useless - it's set to Automatic fire and will stay that way. The magazine shaft is empty. > You open the drawers That's already open. > You go to the west Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about sickness and death, everybody trying to outdo one another in morbidity. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. > Search heap Some of the people protest, in throaty voices: "No, man, leave our things alone." or "Chill out, man, that doesn't belong to you." Good karma pothead stuff like that. > You examine people Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about some new remake and why it will suck. > You look under the couch You find an mag for an Uzi, which you pocket. You never know when stuff like that comes in handy. Grinning like the Doomguy, you slid the magazine into the Uzi, where it rests with an assuring *click.* > You shoot the eggnog Random firing will get your fun level up, but your social skills down.

[Themes: Humor] > You look around Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about some new remake and why it will suck. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. > You shoot mouse You can't see any such thing. The mouse quickly evades any attempt at interaction. > You ask the people about hitler You have to save this party before you can participate in the idle chat. > You look at the heap Most people arrived directly from last-minute College courses and brought their stuff with them. > Go south The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's laptop, connected to some small speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "The Saga begins" by Weird Al Yankovic. > You take the laptop That's fixed in place. > You examine people People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking.

> Look around The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's laptop, connected to some small speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "Surfing U.S.A." by the Beach Boys. > Unlock laptop What do you want to unlock the laptop with? > Go south Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. > You search the undergrowth You fight your way through the bushes. You are somewhere in the undergrowth, the sounds of the party lost behind you. A metal switch is set into the ground here, gleaming ominously. > You examine the switch It has two settings, cold and hot. It is currently set to the former The switch is currently switched off. > You pull the switch Nothing obvious happens. > You turn the switch on That's already on. > You look at the switch It has two settings, cold and hot. It is currently set to the latter. The switch is currently switched on. > You switch the switch Enter saved game to store: Ok.

> You describe your surroundings You are somewhere in the undergrowth, the sounds of the party lost behind you. A metal switch is set into the ground here, gleaming ominously. > You search the undergrowth You fight your way through the bushes. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The water in the pool is boiling! A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. > You check your inventory You are carrying: an Uzi a bowl of eggnog > You examine wall Quite high. But climbable. > You drop all Uzi: Dropped. bowl of eggnog: Dropped. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. A barrel of glue lies here. > You look at the glue A huge, friendly green barrel. It has a nozzle on top and a sticker on it's side. > You examine sticker Bio-Man superglue! Glues everything on everything. 100% edible! > You eat the glue (first taking the barrel of glue) That's plainly inedible. > You go to the east You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the North-East. A swanky golf-cart stands here,waiting to be driven around by rich, old people. > You eat the golf cart (first taking the golf cart) That's fixed in place. > You examine the cart In the golf cart is a plank. > You enter the cart You get into the golf cart. A plank sit on the backseat. > You take the plank Taken. > You look at the plank A broad wooden plank. Maybe the janitor of the Golf course used it. > Inventory You are carrying: a plank a barrel of glue > You go to the northeast Entrance Gate (in the golf cart) A metal gate bares the way out to a lovely country lane. > You open Gate It seems to be locked. > You go southwest Hilltop (in the golf cart) > You go west No! You left your Crashkid past behind you.

> Look around Hilltop (in the golf cart) You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the North-East. > You leave You get out of the golf cart. A swanky golf-cart stands here,waiting to be driven around by rich, old people.

[Themes: Humor] > Look around You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. > You examine the nozzle With it, you can SPRAY things. > You spray the plank With what? > You throw the plank You prop the plank against the wall, building a make-shift ramp.

[Themes: Humor] > Look around You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. You can see a plank here. > You go to the east You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the North-East. A swanky golf-cart stands here,waiting to be driven around by rich, old people. > You get in the cart You get into the golf cart. > Speed2 Enter saved game to store: Ok. > You go west Of course, you could make an impressive stunt by running this thing straight over the plank into the pool...but to what avail? > Go outside You get out of the golf cart. You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the North-East. A swanky golf-cart stands here,waiting to be driven around by rich, old people. > You look in the cart The golf cart is empty. > You go northeast A metal gate bares the way out to a lovely country lane. > You go west You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. You can see a barrel of glue and a plank here. > You examine the nozzle With it, you can SPRAY things. > You get all barrel of glue: Taken. plank: Taken. wall: That's hardly portable. > You spray the plank With what? > Spray What do you want to spray? > You read the glue A huge, friendly green barrel. It has a nozzle on top and a sticker on it's side. > You read the sticker Bio-Man superglue! Glues everything on everything. 100% edible! > You drop all plank: You prop the plank against the wall, building a make-shift ramp. barrel of glue: Dropped. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The water in the pool is boiling! A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. You can also see a bowl of eggnog and an Uzi here. > You go to the north The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's laptop, connected to some small speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "My name is Jack Mills" by Nitku. > Go south Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The water in the pool is boiling! A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. You can also see a bowl of eggnog and an Uzi here. > You take all bowl of eggnog: Taken. Uzi: Taken. Lazy people: I don't suppose Lazy people would care for that. undergrowth: That's hardly portable. wall: That's hardly portable. > You ask the mouse about the cheese You can only do that to something animate. > Go north The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's laptop, connected to some small speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "Keasbey Nights" by Catch 22. > Go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about hypertext. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. > Go east A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens west into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) Your steps don't make any sound on the the thick, red carpet. You can see a chest of drawers (in which is a thing Pauls aunt gave her which he doesn't know what it is) here. > Go upwards Paul has forbidden any entrance for either you or anyone else to the rest of the House for the night. Aside from a a seductive "Maybe later, when we're alone", that is. > You open the door Which do you mean, the small door or the front door? > Small You open the small door and cram yourself into the Potter room. Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. > You look at the tools Every shelf carries its own heap of rusty, quite useless tools. > You examine the carpet It's thick and red. Beside the chest of drawers, there are some marks, as if it has been moved recently. > You examine the hole A mouse peeks out of the dark. > You check your inventory You are carrying: an Uzi a bowl of eggnog > You show the eggnog to mouse You can only do that to something animate. > You drop the eggnog The big mouse runs from the hole, jumps into the eggnog, grabs the small one by the neck, climbs out, and disappears into the hole. Still wondering how it could do all that in one turn, you replace the chest of drawers and pick up the bowl of eggnog. > Go west Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about some new, hip indie music. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. Suddenly, Paul appears besides you. He graps the eggnog and gently kisses your chin, sending goose-bumps down your arms. "Thanks, Alex - you're a nice guy. Care to dance?" With that, he takes you to Kitchen, where you dance rather akwardly to "Umbrella" by Rihanna. . But your dancing is interrupted as Paul shoots more and more nervous glances at the buffet. "What is it?" "Alex, we're running low on food - these people simply eat to fast! I ordered a huge package of noodles and have no idea why it wasn't delivered today. Anyway, we're stuck with a bunch of sandwiches, which disappear as we speak." "Hey" you say "aren't your college types into resolutions and stuff like that?" "What the hell?" You eye the laptop. "Write a resolution to lazily masticate all sandwiches. That'll slow them down till we figure out the noodle problem." Paul stares at you in wonder."Why haven't I met you 10 years ago?" "Because I was in jail. Listen, hook up a printer and get ready to go..." "Can't do that. I have a printer upstairs, but no paper." "Leave that to me" you say, smiling confidently, and Paul disappears upstairs." The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's laptop, connected to some small speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "My name is Jack Mills" by Nitku. > You check your inventory You are carrying: an Uzi > Go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about their World of Warcraft characters. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. > You ask the people about the paper You have to save this party before you can participate in the idle chat. > You go to the west Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about Second life. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. > You examine the people Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about comparing Tolkien to China Mieville. > You go south The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's laptop, connected to some small speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "Surfing U.S.A." by the Beach Boys. > Go south Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The water in the pool is boiling! A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. > You drop all (the Uzi) Dropped. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. You can see a barrel of glue and a plank here. > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. > You drop the glue Dropped. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The water in the pool is boiling! A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. You can also see an Uzi here. > You go inside You're feeling like becoming the human oyster? > You search the undergrowth You fight your way through the bushes. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. You can also see an Uzi here. > Go inside You jump into the water fully dressed. In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously]) You are surrounded by clear, cold water. You can see a battery-powered lava-lamp here. > You hold breathe You hold your breath. > You go inside You can't go that way. You can't hold your breath any longer. > You exit Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. You can also see an Uzi here. > You hold the breath You jump into the water fully dressed. In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously]) You are surrounded by clear, cold water. You can see a battery-powered lava-lamp here. You hold your breath. > Dive You dive down and grab the lava-lamp, coming up for air and raising it triumphantly over your head. No one cares. > Leave Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. You can also see an Uzi here. You can't hold your breath any longer. > Go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about that hip, totally awesome new TV show. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. > You turn on lamp Mesmerizing colors begin to swirl in it. Slowly, everyones eyes are wandering towards the lava-lamp. You switch the battery-powered lava-lamp on. > Search heap You roam around in backpacks and hand-bags, probably ruining a few lives by stealing term papers, love-letters, shopping lists, everything that's Din A4 and has nothing written on its back. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: Papers > You examine papers The paper you nicked for the sake of this party. > You go west You can't go that way. Suddenly, Paul appears, balancing a heavy printer on his arms, cables in his mouth. "Didya manage to get some paper?" You nod, handing them to him. He balances them gracefully on top of the printer. "Great. Why don't you enjoy yourself then?" You move out into the Garden Area, enjoying the cool night air. Suddenly, there is a commotion in the house. Paul stumbles out of the glass doors, face pale. "It's Hubert" he says, biting his lip. "Hubert?" "A German exchange guy I dated last year. Liked his accent. Anyway, I dumped him when I found out he was here to lead a camp of militant Nazi.("Hey" you mutter absent-mindedly. "Hobson's Law.") He didn't like that to well. Now he's over there, stone drunk. Dressed like Hitler (must've mixed up New Years Eve and Halloween, oh these Eurotrash guys) and waving a piece around. Looks like he thinks those people in there are his hostages, and he will kill them If I don't surrender myself to him. I'm glad all those folks in there seem to be a bit too stoned to realize what's happening." He fondles your hair and breathes into your ear. "Could you look into it?" You smirk. "What? After realizing you dated a Nazi?" Paul leaves a trail of laughter, as he disappears to some other part of the -y. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. You can also see an Uzi here. > You take Uzi Taken. > Go north The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's laptop, connected to some small speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "They" by Jem. > Go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. A blond, tall guy in a Hitler uniform strolls around the room. Everyone stares at the lava-lamp. Time for a clever metaphor about snakes and flutes. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. You can also see a battery-powered lava-lamp here. > You look at Hitler The costume isn't convincing for a second. The guy is tall, blond and rather muscular (you know see what Paul liked in him), the moustache made of shoeshine. He is waving a stub-nosed .38 around, murmuring German under his breath. He looks and sounds and smells pissed. > You shoot hitler Deciding to solve this the American way, you aim in Hubert / Hitlers general direction and fire. There are weak moans of protest as the blood splattered corpse flips over one of the couches and out of play ...er... sight. There is a moment of silence as the people look at you, all pondering the possibilities here: 1) you shoot a man to save a meaningless party and for the odd chance of getting laid. 2) This was a piece of performance art. Deciding on the latter, there are some weak claps of applause. You bow, then throw the Uzi after the corpse, mumbling: "We'll clean up tomorrow."

[Themes: Humor] > You describe your surroundings Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either eastwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Everyone stares at the lava-lamp. Time for a clever metaphor about snakes and flutes. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. You can also see a battery-powered lava-lamp here. > You go to the south The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's laptop, connected to some small speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing:Some weird Korean hip-hop. Suddenly, Paul appears beside you, a cute wrinkle on his brow. "Did I hear gunfire?" "Probably was the music." "So, where's Hubert?" "Stopped partying. So can we finally, finally, enjoy this thing? Together?" "No. This party is dead. I just got a call from the service who was supposed to deliver the noodles. Guess what? They accidentally delivered to the Golf course next door. Which is closed today, I just checked. But that doesn't matter - even if we get the noodles, how are we supposed to boil so many of them in such a short time?" You clap him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll think of something." He puts your hand in his. "Thanks, Alex, I really appreciate this. I'll be in the kitchen, holding of the partygoers as long as I can." Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the afternoon glow. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. You can see a barrel of glue and a plank here. > You go to the northeast A metal gate bares the way out to a lovely country lane. Yay! There is a huge package of noodles here, enough to keep the whole party satiated. > You examine the noodles Well...noodles. > You put the noodles in the cart You carefully plaster the golf cart with noodles. Joseph Beuys would be proud.

> Look around You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the North-East. A swanky golf-cart stands here,waiting to be driven around by rich, old people. And Noodles! > You go to the west The little golf cart gains a frightening amount of speed downhill. You mange to maneuver it onto the wooden plank - and then you are flying! Party guests gap as you fly - and as the golf carts nose sinks - splashing into the pool, spraying some people with boiling water. As you sink, your skin screaming with pain, you watch noodle float all around you - given 7 minutes, they'll be ready to be eaten. You only realize the full amount of pain as Paul pulls you out of the scalding water - and as he later, after you both more or less enjoyed the rest of the party and a healthy meal, puts ointment on your badly scalded legs, and some other body parts which technically weren't hurt at all. And even more time later, you sit in the garden, huddled together on a deck chair, musing at the stars and what this year 2008 might bring. So, as I told you, that was great, but the first weeks of the new year will be rather stressful. After all, I'm still in hospital about those burns, and the police started asking around about some German guy - as did the local arm of Nazi party. But, dear Blogreaders, you know me, I'll find my way - and I'll keep you posted. One way or the other, I think I'll never forget The day I shot Hitler!

[Themes: Magical Realism, magical realism, magic] Fording seas of boredom, weathering storms of grief, and floods of anger, you have arrived. This game is an introduction to research-based Positive Psychology tools. For more information about playing this game, type ABOUT. You look north, south, east, and west. There is something missing here, as if all of nature is just ... sort of ... going through the motions. Her heart isn't really in it. Welcome to Eunice. Around you is a neglected garden. Where once a caring hand tended bushes and plants, now trash covers the garden. No one is left to tend it now. Just north of you is an old, wooden house. At one time it was a dearly loved home, a place of comfort and laughter. Now it stands silent. The porch of the old house ends abruptly as the stairs have rotted away beyond all use. There is a cracked flowerpot leaning against the old house. A tattered note flutters, caught in one of the nearby bushes. [Author's Note: Eunice is a shadow of its former glory. Hope is lost, just a faint mem-ory Whatever might have brought you here, That Eunice needs you, it is clear. Type out simple commands, and Notice the changes in Eunice land. Odd creatures and strange places require your aid. You'll get as much out as the efforts you made.] > You read it The note reads: Eunice is a shadow of its former glory. Hope is lost, just a faint mem-ory Whatever might have brought you here, That Eunice needs you, it is clear. Type out simple commands, and Notice the changes in Eunice land. Odd creatures and strange places require your aid. You'll get as much out as the efforts you made. > You examine trash Some old junk lies abandoned in the garden. > You take it Sometimes you can't take it with you. This is one of those times. > You examine the garden You look closer and recognize ragged lavender and a tired rose. The plants have withered at the stem before ever blooming. Brown and gray, they are barely surviving among the junk left in the yard. > You examine pot It is dusty, cracked. It rests against the front porch where stairs used to be. Those stairs are gone completely now, either torn up by some strong arm or simply rotted away. > You take the pot It seems to be serving its intended purpose just where it is, thank you. > You examine the porch The old wooden house is small and square. From out here, you can tell there is likely only one room inside. The front porch is rotting and slants away from the house, but the walls are strong. It looks as if someone just left it to fall into disrepair. > You go north You can't walk up the stairs. They have rotted beyond all use. > About yourself You look different in the Eunice light. A little more weather-beaten, a little darker from the sun, a little stronger from the walking, you look like an adventurer. You look like you have grit. > You go to the south The wind blows gently across the rolling meadow. This would be a sweet place to sit for an afternoon in a hammock and listen to the birds sing, except that there is no hammock and no birds singing. A whisk lies on the meadowland, looking very out of place. > You look at the whisk Clean curves of metal, the whisk looks very useful for whisking things. > You take it You reach down to retrieve the whisk, but no matter how hard you pull it won't come up from the meadowland. Assuredly it doesn't belong, but it seems that other things need to be taken care of before you can return the whisk to its rightful place, wherever that might be. > You go to the south Dry rustling grasses surround you. The only thing breaking the continuity is a huge and gnarled tree, framed dark against the wide sky. A spatula rests on some grass, looking very out of place. > You look at the spatula It is bright purple and made of semi-flexible silicone. > You take it You reach down to retrieve the spatula, but no matter how hard you pull it won't come up from the grassland. Assuredly it doesn't belong, but it seems that other things need to be taken care of before you can return the spatula to its rightful place, wherever that might be. > Go south You start to wander south, but without the tree as a signpost you would easily become lost in ever-shifting green grasses. If you were lost, hope would never return to Eunice. Thankfully, you turn back. > Go west You start to wander west, but without the tree as a signpost you would easily become lost in ever-shifting green grasses. If you were lost, hope would never return to Eunice. Thankfully, you turn back. > You go east You start to wander east, but without the tree as a signpost you would easily become lost in ever-shifting green grasses. If you were lost, hope would never return to Eunice. Thankfully, you turn back. > You go west The field is mostly dust and grime beneath dark mountains looming to the west. A round tin rests on the Dusty Field, looking very out of place. > You look at the mountains Tall and jagged, they look far off and faintly disapproving. > You look at tin A round metal tin, nine inches in diameter. > You take it You reach down to retrieve the round tin, but no matter how hard you pull it won't come up from the dusty field. Assuredly it doesn't belong, but it seems that other things need to be taken care of before you can return the tin to its rightful place, wherever that might be. > Go west You are in a broad, rocky field. Boulders are scattered haphazardly all around. There is a large notice board clearly placed with more intention than the rocks. On the notice board is a pad of paper and a few notes. Farther west, tall mountains loom over you, threatening to overwhelm the scene. > You examine the boulders Heavy and oblong with weathered surfaces, they have been here a long time. > You examine the board A large public notice board stands in the middle of the wide field. You wonder why the builder decided to put it out here, far from any road or town. Clearly some people came here, because there are colorful notes stuck to the board, as well as a large pad of paper. Carved into the top of the board are the words: Simply type "Today I am grateful for {your gratitude} " on the pad. Peace and serenity are yours to be had. > You look at the pad The pad of paper is titled "Gratitude List: " in shimmering in gold leaf. The rest of the paper is inviting, ready to be typed in. > You examine the notes You pick one of the notes to read: "Today I am grateful for smiles from strangers, dragon gold, my job". > You continue You pick one of the notes to read: "Today I am grateful for my children, a morning commute free from trolls and dragons, sunny weather". > You climb the boulders Little is to be achieved by that. > You go to the west You walk on to explore west of the notice board in the field beneath rugged mountains. Suddenly you see what the shadow of the mountains had hidden: the land falls away in a steep cliff so deep that the bottom is hidden from view. You scramble back from the edge. There is no way to go farther west. With a pounding heart, you turn back to the notice board. > You go north The rocky field ends at the edge of a dark wood. The forbidding trees block your way. > You go to the south You start to wander south into the prairie, but without a way to navigate you would easily become lost. If that happened, hope would never return to Eunice. Thankfully, you turn back. > You examine the trees The trees seem to crowd in together as if they were keeping a secret. It is too dark to discover much from here. > Go east The field is mostly dust and grime beneath dark mountains looming to the west. A round tin rests on the Dusty Field, looking very out of place. > Today i am grateful for the peanuts You write "peanuts" on the pad of paper. Take a moment and look at the words that you wrote. Let the memory of peanuts soak in. When you write your gratitude note, a tiny folded paper bird flutters down from above you and lands noiselessly in your hand. The field looks a little greener. The colorful gratitude notes posted on the board shine and twinkle. > You examine the bird An expertly folded paper bird, the GIFT of GRATITUDE. The colors seem to change slightly in the Eunice light, but you think its blue. You remember your Gratitude List: > Today i am grateful for the shelter You write "shelter" on the pad of paper. Take a moment and look at the words that you wrote. Let the memory of shelter soak in. When you add your gratitude note, you notice other notes pinned on the board, written by people or animals before you. It almost seems like there are more than before. The colorful notes add a trendy, party atmosphere to the sign. > Today i am grateful for the ifcomp You write "ifcomp" on the pad of paper. Take a moment and look at the words that you wrote. Let the memory of ifcomp soak in. When you add your gratitude note, you notice other notes pinned on the board, written by people or animals before you. It almost seems like there are more than before. The colorful notes add a trendy, party atmosphere to the sign. > You examine the trees The trees seem to crowd in together as if they were keeping a secret. It is too dark to discover much from here. > You go east The field has a hint of green as if the imposing mountains were pushing up spring with their toes. A round tin rests on the Dusty Field, looking very out of place. > You take the tin You reach down and easily pick up the round tin. Though you aren't sure where it belongs, maybe a dancing rabbit needs a stage somewhere. > Go north The dusty field ends at the edge of a dark wood. The forbidding trees block your way. > You go east A broad field or plain with nothing particularly distinguishing about it, except for the profusion of flowers > You examine flowers Some are just tiny dots of color, others grow clustered in towers or opened broad faces of brilliant color: blue sage and indigo, magenta, gold and violet. > Smell flowers They are sweet and with a fresh lightness. > You go north The dark pine wood is a solid wall. Yet, as you look you can see a break in the trees where a path of pine needles leads west deeper into the wood or south to an open field. > You examine the needles The straight towering pine trees rise darkly above you. Decades of dropped pine needles thickly cover the path. Their strong scent fills in the air. > Smell needles You bring your nose close to the pine needles and inhale deeply. The scent of pine fills your lungs. You inhale deeply for a count of 5, pausing for a moment at the top of your inhale: Exhale completely, feeling refreshed. > Go west You walk on with determination toward the light up ahead. Your footfalls are silent in the thick carpet of pine needles. Sunlight quickly disappears, unable to penetrate through the wood. The path curves here and leads north or to the east. > You go north Like the brave explorers of old, you move through the quiet dimness. The ground changes elevation drastically here, making your hike considerable harder. The pines press in around you. The path leads north or south. A measuring cup lies at the side of the path, looking very out of place. > You look at the cup The cup is simply made and has a marking of "1 cup" on the side. > You take it You reach down to retrieve the measuring cup, but no matter how hard you pull it won't come up from the steep trail. Assuredly it doesn't belong, but it seems that other things need to be taken care of before you can return the cup to its rightful place, wherever that might be. > You go to the north With resolve and determination, you press on. The pines have blocked all light and you can hardly see the trail. The comparative darkness halts your progress for a moment. There is some light off to the northwest and the south. > You go northwest You move forward out of the darkness and into a bright light. A ray of sunshine cuts through the curtain of pines onto the path before you. The dense wood opens to a small glen of prickly grass A dozen carved statues are placed around the little glen. They are worn and covered in lichen, bird droppings, and fallen leaves. > You lie on Grass On second thought, you decide against lying on Grass. > Smell Grass Even for all your sniffing efforts, it doesn't smell like much > You eat Grass That's plainly inedible. > You look at the statues The sculptures are all of people hunched over and staring at a small rectangles in their hands. Some are curled over themselves in office chairs. Looking at them life-like and lifeless, frozen in various pretzel positions, makes you want to loosen your limbs. > You loosen limbs Lift your shoulders up to your ears. Feel the muscles tense. Then release. Stretch your shoulders back as far as is comfortable, pushing your sternum forward and take a deep breath. Then release. Raise your arms over your head and feel your sides stretch. Then release. ... > You keep going ...The stone statues are cracking.The figures come to life. They brush the dust and rocks off of themselves. Everyone is hugging and laughing and chattering. "Hello," they say, "it's been so long! Good to see you," they celebrate. They notice you and bring you into the circle. Many hands pat you on the back, thanking you. One gives you a little stone that broke off from his elbow. > You examine the stone ...The happy group notices you stretching and jumps to join in. After a smiling round of calisthenics, the group noisily wishes you, "Good luck on your quest to free hope in Eunice!". Then they go back to their own stretches or sipping tea, and you remember your mission. > You look at the stone The STONE of FLEXIBILITY is gray with little black specs. At this moment, it is an oval rock.

[Themes: Magical Realism] > Look around A ray of sunshine cuts through the curtain of pines onto the path before you. The dense wood opens to a small glen of soft grass. The sun shines strongly in the glen creating a little circle of bright against the dark forest. The people who were statues are now enjoying the warm sun. > You examine the people People are chatting and sipping tea. > You talk to the people "Eunice has very particular conversational etiquette. You can ASK group chatting ABOUT something; TELL group chatting ABOUT something; or ANSWER something to group chatting. > You ask the people about the Eunice You do a short sun salutation warm up before talking. The group has a lot to say about Eunice. "Our beautiful, beautiful home...though it looks just awful now." "That is only because Hope is trapped and we were frozen, but now we can move." A few of them do headstands in the grass. > You ask the people about Hope "What happened to Hope?" you venture to ask. The party falls silent for a surprising moment. Then someone says in a half whisper, "Only the troll knows." The group won't talk anymore about that. > You ask the people about the troll "What do I need to face the troll," you ask, worried that you haven't seen any swords or shields or axes lying around. "Do you have any taller shoes?" someone quips, "if you really want to be face to face..." There are some snorts and elbowing, and then someone says, "He just disppeared and no one knows what happened." > You ask the people about rabbit A few people begin to think about your comment and get distracted when others do jumping jacks. > Inventory You are carrying: a round tin stone of flexibility and origami bird > You ask the people about the stone "This is a strange stone," you observe, looking at it. Before your eyes it changes momentarily into a donut shape, then back to a circle. "It's our gift to you, and it might be just the perfect thing," one of the group replies. Someone else adds, "it is one of those treasures needed in the quest to free Hope. > You ask the people about the bird A few people begin to think about your comment and get distracted when others do cartwheels.

> Look around A ray of sunshine cuts through the curtain of pines onto the path before you. The dense wood opens to a small glen of soft grass. The sun shines strongly in the glen creating a little circle of bright against the dark forest. The group chatting has created a happy little party. > You examine Grass soft and inviting. > You lie on Grass On second thought, you decide against lying on Grass. > You examine the trees The straight towering pine trees rise darkly above you. Decades of dropped pine needles thickly cover the path. Their strong scent fills in the air. > Go north The forbidding trees block your way. > You go to the southeast The pines have blocked all light and you can hardly see the trail. The comparative darkness halts your progress for a moment. There is some light off to the northwest and the south. > You go to the south The ground changes elevation drastically here, making your hike considerable harder. The pines press in around you. The path leads north or south. A measuring cup lies at the side of the path, looking very out of place. > You take the cup You reach down and easily pick up the measuring cup. Though you aren't sure where it belongs, maybe a cat needs a hat somewhere. > You go south Your footfalls are silent in the thick carpet of pine needles. Sunlight quickly disappears, unable to penetrate through the wood. The path curves here and leads north or to the east. > You go east Around you is a neglected garden. Where once a caring hand tended bushes and plants, now trash covers the garden. No one is left to tend it now. Just north of you is an old, wooden house. At one time it was a dearly loved home, a place of comfort and laughter. Now it stands silent. The porch of the old house ends abruptly as the stairs have rotted away beyond all use. There is a cracked flowerpot leaning against the old house. A tattered note flutters, caught in one of the nearby bushes. > You go east The air smells of mud and rotting plants. Flies buzz around your ears and eyes. All your energy to explore is gone, as if sucked away by one of the mosquitos you are trying to swat. You stand on the web of marsh plants. There is some green here, but it is only a sparse layer over deep, cold, dark waters. Nearby is a dented park sign, titled "Quaking Bog Rules and Regulations". You hear a muffled "ccrroOOAAAaakk" off to the east. You sink a little lower into the bog, feeling the cold water on your skin. What can you do, stuck here without Hope? > You look at the sign Quaking Bog Rules and Regulations: - Swimming is allowed and impossible - Jumping is allowed and possible - Take time to Appreciate Nature - You can thank any bog creature You hear a muffled "ccrroOOAAAaakk" off to the east. You sink a little lower into the bog, feeling the cold water on your skin. What can you do, stuck here without Hope? > You jump You muster the energy to jump a little, and come down hard on the marsh moss and grasses. More cold water collects around you. You hear a muffled "ccrroOOAAAaakk" off to the east. You sink a little lower into the bog, feeling the cold water on your skin. What can you do, stuck here without Hope? > Appreciate the nature You look around and notice that everywhere around you is full of living, growing things. Dragonflies and butterflies and plain flies swoop between moss and grasses. ... ...Long-legged shorebirds poke around in the mud. The air smells green and rich. A sparkle catches your eye. A single dew drop balances on the edge of a curved grass leaf. Slowly it grows in fullness, glinting like a little star. The weight pulls the thin grass down, down until it drops silently into the watery green at your feet. ... ...You take a deep breath. Breathe in and feel the breath fill from your belly to your ribs to your collarbones. Exhale; the grass flutters from the wind of your breath. You feel happier, more relaxed, and ready to continue your exploration. ... ...At the conclusion of your appreciation, an iridescent fly lying nearby catches your eye. It is colorful and shimmering, vaguely like sugarcoated hard candy. Odd, but you keep it for later. You hear a muffled "ccrroOOAAAaakk" off to the east. > Examine fly Reflecting luminous colors, it is dead and rather large, about the size of a cracker. You hear a muffled "ccrroOOAAAaakk" off to the east. > Smell mud You smell nothing unexpected. You hear a muffled "ccrroOOAAAaakk" off to the east. > You take mud Sometimes you can't take it with you. This is one of those times. You hear a muffled "ccrroOOAAAaakk" off to the east.

> Look around The air smells of mud and rotting plants. Flies buzz around your ears and eyes. All your energy to explore is gone, as if sucked away by one of the mosquitos you are trying to swat. You stand on the web of marsh plants. There is some green here, but it is only a sparse layer over deep, cold, dark waters. Nearby is a dented park sign, titled "Quaking Bog Rules and Regulations". You hear a muffled "ccrroOOAAAaakk" off to the east. > Go east The ground quakes slightly with each footfall, in a pleasant undulating manner. You are walking on water - or above it - on many layers of moss that have grown over to form a living raft on the surface of the bog. A toad is sleeping in the moss, as if he was nestled among many overstuffed pillows. "ccrroOOAAAaakk". > You examine the toad The toad is large and green and frowning. His protruding eyes are closed and he makes a loud "ccrroOOAAAaakk" noise every so often. He is snoring! "ccrroOOAAAaakk". > You wake toad It does seem like the thing to do, but how? "ccrroOOAAAaakk". > Kiss toad You place your lips on the toad's cool skin, in your best guess of where his cheek could be, and give a kiss. The toad stirs. His right eye opens a fraction of a sixteenth of an inch, and closes again. He spits just the tiniest bit, and then indulges in a terrific snore. "ccrroOOAAAaakk". > You give the fly to the toad You hold the iridescent fly in front of you. With perfect instinct, and eyes still closed, the toad's sticky tongue shoots out and lifts the fly from your palm. The toad chews, snorts, and finally stirs. He fixes his large bulbous eyes on you as if he can see you to your heart. "Thank you," he says, "though Hope is caged in Eunice, the flies are rather good." he pauses, considering you for a moment, "it has been quite a while since sightseers came to the bog. What we really need is an adventurer for a quest!" > You ask the toad about the quest "I have taken on the quest to free Hope from its cage!" you proclaim, "can you help me?. "Glad to see you aren't off to kill some terrible princess and romance a dragon horde, or whatever the kids do these days," the toad replies. "Five treasures are required to free Hope from its cage and you will have to explore Eunice to find them." he responds. > You ask the toad about the key "About that key of appreciation," you say, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, "How would I find it?" The toad actually smiles, "You are so, so close; practically on top of it. Search the water..."He shifts slightly and near his left forelimb you see a narrow deep well of crystal clear water. > You search the water You peer into the crystal clear water for a moment seeing your reflection staring curiously back at you. Then its gone and far below you think you see something down there, so you reach in. The water is cool against your hand. This is just the beginning. > Keep going Past the slime and the mud of the bog, past any worries and judgements about whether you are doing enough or playing the game well, you go. Something slimy flits by, maybe a fish? You are now in the bog up to your elbow. > Continue You crouch down to reach farther still. The water is still, like a deep calmness in your own core. Then the tips of your fingers brush against something solid. You are now in the bog up to your shoulder. > Continue Straining, you stretch farther, bringing your face near the surface of the thick bog. Finally you grab something solid! Pulling it up to the surface, you see it is a heavy key. You keep the key for later. As you put the key away, you can feel the toad's eyes on you and his wide mouth turns up in a slight smile. > You examine the key One of the five treasures: the KEY of APPRECIATION! It's a house key. The key is heavy brass and old fashioned. It rests solidly in your hand. > Inventory You are carrying: a measuring cup a round tin house key, stone of flexibility and origami bird > You ask the toad about the tin "I'd rather talk about bog politics than that," says the toad, "and I hate politics". > You ask the toad about the house (the house key) "It is the KEY of APPRECIATION," the toad admits, "I haven't had the confidence to look past my own reflection to search for it." > You examine the moss Looks like a comfortable bed, for a toad. > You go east The thick moss dissolves farther east into a dark pool. There is no way farther. > You go to the north The thick moss dissolves farther north into a dark pool. There is no way farther. > You go south The thick moss dissolves farther south into a dark pool. There is no way farther. > Go west The toad sits quietly watching you go. The air smells of mud and both the growing and decaying plants. Instead of being stuck, you notice how the whole bog is bursting with life. Nearby is a dented park sign titled "Quaking Bog Rules and Regulations > You read the sign Quaking Bog Rules and Regulations: - Swimming is allowed and impossible - Jumping is allowed and possible - Take time to Appreciate Nature - You can thank any bog creature > Go east The ground quakes slightly with each footfall, in a pleasant undulating manner. You are walking on water - or above it - on many layers of moss that have grown over to form a living raft on the surface of the bog. There is a clear pool of water near the toad's forelimb. The large green toad is lounging on the moss, humming softly to himself. > Thank the toad He nods his wide head. And if he had a bowler hat, he would have touched the brim as a jaunty "you're welcome". But things aren't as they should be in Eunice. > Go east You start to wander east into the green grasses, but without a way to navigate you would easily become lost. If that happened, hope would never return to Eunice. Thankfully, you turn back.. > You take the flowers You wander through the field gathering wildflowers. The petals kiss softly against your skin. After a while, your foot catches on a ridge of dirt and you catch yourself before falling. Bending down, you notice a small round hole of some little animal's home. After peering for a moment into the cool darkness you stand again, not wanting to pry where you haven't been invited. You walk on farther, discovering rocks and seed pods and animal tracks, and then losing them again in your rambling. A soft breeze smelling of high mountain air comes from the west and you remember your quest. The flowers that you gathered were lost on your exploring, but it is fine. The seeds you spread will grow to more flowers next year. > You go west The field has a hint of green as if the imposing mountains were pushing up spring with their toes. > Go west You are in a broad, rocky field. Boulders are scattered haphazardly all around. There is a large notice board clearly placed with more intention than the rocks. On the notice board is a pad of paper and a few notes. The field looks slightly greener than before, as if spring is coming soon. Farther west, tall mountains loom over you, threatening to overwhelm the scene. > You read the notes You pick one of the notes to read: "Today I am grateful for a warm cup of tea, house elves, catching up with an old friend". > Continue You pick one of the notes to read: "Today I am grateful for picnics, loving family, silly jokes." . > You tend the garden You heft some of the larger pieces of trash to the side. Then you clear the dead leaves, dropping them on the ground for mulch cover to soak in the rain when it comes. As you clear and organize, your thoughts settle. Each thing in its place, simply and easily. Soothing lavender sways in the breeze, now that the garden has been tended. Fragrant plants cover the ground. The rose bush is budding and will flower soon. You find a little flute among the trash, like a gift from the garden. You decide to keep it for later. > You examine the flute The little flute is simply carved. In the right moment it will play the SONG of ORDER.

[Themes: Magical Realism] > You look around Around you the garden is beginning to return to life. The rose bush has tiny pink buds, preparing to become flowers soon. Just north of you is an old, wooden house. At one time it was a dearly loved home, a place of comfort and laughter. Now it stands silent. The porch of the old house ends abruptly as the stairs have rotted away beyond all use. There is a cracked flowerpot leaning against the old house. A tattered note flutters, caught in one of the nearby bushes. > You look at rose The bushes and plants are green with life. You notice a rose bush with blush-pink buds, and not far away lavender scents the air. > Clean pot You rub the cracked flowerpot. > You climb the pot Little is to be achieved by that. > You search the pot The cracked flowerpot is empty. > Inventory You are carrying: a measuring cup a round tin flute, house key, stone of flexibility and origami bird > You play the flute You place the little flute to your lips and blow a few experimental notes. The sound is soft and a little melancholy. > You look at the bird An expertly folded paper bird, the GIFT of GRATITUDE. The colors seem to change slightly in the Eunice light, but you think its blue. You remember your Gratitude List: ifcomp > Kiss bird You can only do that to something animate. > You go northwest The old house blocks your way. > Go southeast You start to wander southeast into the prairie, but without a way to navigate you would easily become lost. If that happened, hope would never return to Eunice. Thankfully, you turn back. > You go to the south The wind blows gently across the rolling meadow. This would be a sweet place to sit for an afternoon in a hammock and listen to the birds sing, except that there is no hammock and no birds singing. A whisk lies on the meadowland, looking very out of place. > You take the whisk You reach down and easily pick up the whisk. Though you aren't sure where it belongs, someone always needs a whisk somewhere. > Go northwest You start to wander southwest, but without the tree as a signpost you would easily become lost in ever-shifting green grasses. If you were lost, hope would never return to Eunice. Thankfully, you turn back. > Go north The wind blows gently across the rolling meadow. This would be a sweet place to sit for an afternoon in a hammock and listen to the birds sing, except that there is no hammock and no birds singing. > You go northwest The dark pine wood is a solid wall. Yet, as you look you can see a break in the trees where a path of pine needles leads west deeper into the wood or south to an open field. > You take the needles Sometimes you can't take it with you. This is one of those times. > You go to the east Around you the garden is beginning to return to life. The rose bush has tiny pink buds, preparing to become flowers soon. Just north of you is an old, wooden house. At one time it was a dearly loved home, a place of comfort and laughter. Now it stands silent. The porch of the old house ends abruptly as the stairs have rotted away beyond all use. There is a cracked flowerpot leaning against the old house. A tattered note flutters, caught in one of the nearby bushes. > Dance Lift your shoulders up to your ears. Feel the muscles tense. Then release. Stretch your shoulders back as far as is comfortable, pushing your sternum forward and take a deep breath. Then release. Raise your arms over your head and feel your sides stretch. Then release. ... Ahhh, that felt good. > You examine the tree The tree is dark against the gray-green of the sky and mostly bare, with only a few yellow leaves. The trunk is thick and twisted. Low branches create a wide crown on the horizon. > You climb the tree You hook your arm around a low branch and hoist yourself up. From there its an easy climb to the top with the wide horizontal branches forming an rough ladder. The wind blows strongly this high up and you grasp a branch for stability. There are only a few leaves still holding on here and there. The tree holds you high above Eunice in the palm of its dark branches. You aren't sure what you are looking for, until you see it. A small yellow apple hangs on by a delicate twig which looks ready to snap in the wind at any moment. > You examine the apple It is a small yellow apple. As you look closer, you notice shades of reds and browns and greens on the skin in a collection of all the colors of fall. Your mouth begins to water. > You take the apple Taken. > You eat the apple With full awareness of your hand moving toward your mouth, you appreciate the smell and colors of the fruit. Imagine what it took for this to get to your hands: sunshine, water, warmth, and time. You take a first bite and for a moment hold the tart sweet fruit in your mouth. As you chew, you notice it fully as if it were your first time ever eating an apple. Very slowly you chew, appreciating the change in texture and the nourishment. You continue until you finish the apple and feel completely sated. A few brown seeds are all that is left. You keep them as a memory. > You examine the seeds Some little brown SEEDS of MINDFULNESS that came from the apple you ate. You remember holding it with full awareness of the weight in your hand, appreciating the smell and colors of the fruit. You imagined what it took for this to get to your hands: sunshine, water, warmth, and time. You felt the fruit against your teeth and you took the first bite. After chewing, you noticed the first burst of flavor and how it gradually faded. Paying attention fully as if it is your first time ever eating an apple. Very slowly chewing, appreciating the change in texture and taste, you finished the apple and felt completely sated.

[Themes: Magical Realism] > Go downwards Many grasses - wild oat, foxtail, ryegrass, and buffalo grass make up an ocean of green rolling around you. The only thing breaking the continuity is a huge and gnarled tree, framed dark against the wide sky. A spatula rests on some grass, looking very out of place. > You take the spatula You reach down and easily pick up the spatula. Though you aren't sure where it belongs, maybe a seafaring mouse needs a paddle somewhere. > Inventory You are carrying: a spatula a whisk a measuring cup a round tin seeds, flute, house key, stone of flexibility and origami bird > Go north The wind blows gently across the rolling meadow. You can just make out the faint notes of far off birdsong, though you can see no birds here yet. This is a lovely spot to sit for a moment. A hammock sways slightly in the breeze. > You examine the hammock The hammock is wide and cozy. > You lie on it You hold the hammock steady and climb awkwardly into it, thinking with some amusement that for all their comfort, hammocks are particularly uncomfortable to get into... But now you are lying down, every limb supported. Your skin warms in the sun. You are held and rocked gently. As you sway, looking up to the great wide sky of Eunice. All this cuddling into the hammock has succeeded in making you rather sleepy. > Sleep You close your eyes for a moment. Thoughts that were loud and distracting become quiet. You can hear your breath grow deeper and more regular as you fall into a light sleep. Birds and insects make a sweet lullaby around you. After some unknown amount of time you wake up to Eunice, remembering your quest. A line from a poem alights on your mind, "Hope is the thing with feathers". > Go east You start to wander east into the green grasses, but without a way to navigate you would easily become lost. If that happened, hope would never return to Eunice. Thankfully, you turn back.. > You go to the north (first getting off the hammock) Around you the garden is beginning to return to life. The rose bush has tiny pink buds, preparing to become flowers soon. Just north of you is an old, wooden house. At one time it was a dearly loved home, a place of comfort and laughter. Now it stands silent. The porch of the old house ends abruptly as the stairs have rotted away beyond all use. There is a cracked flowerpot leaning against the old house. A tattered note flutters, caught in one of the nearby bushes. > You put the seeds in the pot You gently plant the seeds in the cracked flowerpot. Quickly, tendrils sprout in the dirt. They grow into strong tangle of vines, twisting and turning around each other until they form stairs north to the porch. > Go north You walk gingerly up the green vine stairs. It was always a humble porch, now looking only slightly worse for wear, and it has been swept recently. A metal mailbox sits off to one side and a mat lies near the front door. > You look at the mat Woven grasses form a square mat in front of the door. It does not say "welcome". It does not even give a very welcoming impression. > You look under the mat You find dust and dirt. > Clean mat You rub the welcome mat. > You examine the mailbox It is a metal box with the word "Mail" embossed on the front. It looks polished and clean, and a little out of place on the porch. > You open it You pull open the front panel of the mailbox. A pair of beady eyes glare back at you from a tiny wrinkled face. The elf, for she has narrow pointy ears sticking up above a little green hat, screeches loudly: "BAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" > You look at the elf The elf is about five inches high and looks at you with an unyielding grumpiness. > You ask the elf about the elf The elf glares at you. "Bah, the elf," the elf yells, again. The elf is very yell-y. Who knew elves would be so screechy. > You ask the elf about the mailbox The elf rolls her eyes. > You ask elf about the Eunice "You want to know about Eunice?" the elf asks, though clearly it is a rhetorical question, "it's dark, it's empty, and it's not going to change." "That seems a little severe", you respond. Surprisingly, she doesn't yell but just shrugs, "I am not one to compromise. People have told me I need more flexibility, but where would I get that?" > You give the stone to the elf The elf steps back to let you place the little stone inside the mailbox. She stands for a moment with hands on her hips, looking at it, and then with great effort she pushes it just slightly to the left. Now that it is in the perfect place, she sits on the stone of flexibility just like a bean bag chair. The elf is now grinning happily. > You ask the elf about the Eunice "Can you tell me more about this place?" you inquire. "I don't get around Eunice much," the elf admits, "though before the Troll shut himself away, this was a happy place - when Hope was free. I visited the group in the woods and the toad long, long ago back when Hope was here and we knew "how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed"..." She clears her throat and awkwardly wipes her face with the back of her hand. "So much has changed since Hope was lost."." > You ask the elf about Hope You mention Hope. "Maybe things won't always be as they are now, maybe things can change for the better." she shrugs, "if you can succeed." > You ask the elf about Troll "So do I have to fight the troll or something?" You ask worriedly. ""Fight the troll? why would you do that?" the elf gasps, "he is going through a really tough time right now, but I don't think he would ever fight anyone." > You ask the elf about the mat "Sounds interesting. Haven't got the foggiest idea about that," replies the elf, "I'm just a tiny elf in a mailbox, after all." > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a spatula a whisk a measuring cup a round tin flute, house key and origami bird > You unlock the door with the key You unlock the front door. > You open the door The door swings open. > Go north The elf waves goodbye. The whole house has the feeling of neglect and something more... as if the place were holding its breath. The front door is open, letting in rays of golden light. A huge troll looms in front of you. > You look at Troll The troll is standing rock-like in the middle of the one room house. He is large and the house is rather little, so he takes up a lot of space. > You ask Troll about Troll The troll can feel your eyes on him, and... s l o w l y... turns ... his head .... toward you. "Hhhrrmmmm" says the Troll, "hhrrrmmmm" then he seems to forget what you were talking about. > You look at the bird An expertly folded paper bird, the GIFT of GRATITUDE. The colors seem to change slightly in the Eunice light, but you think its blue. You remember your Gratitude List: ifcomp > You ask Troll about Hope After your long journey you can't resist asking, "what really happened to Hope?" The troll looks at you and remains frozen. > You ask Troll about the Eunice "Hhhrrmmmm" says the Troll, "hhrrrmmmm" then he seems to forget what you were talking about. > You ask Troll about the house (the house key) "Hhhrrmmmm" says the Troll, "hhrrrmmmm" then he seems to forget what you were talking about. > You go to the south "Goodbye for now," you say. The troll watches you worriedly as you leave. It was always a humble porch, now looking only slightly worse for wear, and it has been swept recently. A metal mailbox sits off to one side and a mat lies near the front door. > You go south You walk gingerly down the green vine stairs. Around you the garden is beginning to return to life. The rose bush has tiny pink buds, preparing to become flowers soon. Just north of you is an old, wooden house. At one time it was a dearly loved home, a place of comfort and laughter. Now it stands silent. There is a cracked flowerpot leaning against the old house. A tangle of great, green vines is growing up to form stairs of the front porch. A tattered note flutters, caught in one of the nearby bushes. > You look in the pot The cracked flowerpot is empty. > Go north You walk gingerly up the green vine stairs. It was always a humble porch, now looking only slightly worse for wear, and it has been swept recently. A metal mailbox sits off to one side and a mat lies near the front door. > You go north The whole house has the feeling of neglect and something more... as if the place were holding its breath. The front door is open, letting in rays of golden light. A huge troll looms in front of you. > You greet Troll "Hello," you squeak out a greeting. The troll can feel your eyes on him, and... s l o w l y... turns ... his head .... toward you. (You could ask him about Quest, Hope, Poem or Joke.) > You ask Troll about Quest "I am still on a quest to free Hope!" you proclaim, "w-will you help me?" The troll stares at you unmoving which seems intimidating at first and then you see he really isn't able to move. "Got frzen whin Hofe traffd." he says and hardly moves his lips as he talks. "Oh no," your voice sounds weak and tiny in the little house. You don't have anything prepared for this. "How can I help?" you ask. The Troll looks around, thinking, his eyeballs the only thing that has free movement, "Laughng...kno any gud jokes? > You tell Troll about the joke You remember a few silly jokes, and tell one to the Troll. "What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel." The Troll's belly shakes and he makes a barking-burping noise. He is laughing! He shakes himself vigorously and begins puttering around the old house. Things begin to look a little brighter in the old wooden house. The Troll makes a series of complicated taps on the wall and is able to open numerous little cupboards. "Now that I can move about again I feel like celebrating." He talks at you from over his shoulder, "Hope might actually be freed with you here, and I know what would be perfect for a little celebration!" The Troll begins to take out ingredients from all sorts of hidden places: bright red berries, a crock of butter, dark chocolate, a bowl of flour, and a jar of honey. "Where did that cake tin go?" he wonders aloud. ... ...You take out the cake tin and put it on the table about to say something, when the Troll glances up, "ah ha!", he says, and then butters the tin, "to remove the cake easily," he explains, "now if you were a measuring cup, where would you be?" ... ...You take out the measuring cup and put it on the table about to say something, when the Troll glances up, "ah ha!", he says, and begins to measure out all the ingredients needed. When everything is in he wipes his hands on his pants, "now where is that whisk?" Once again, you take out the whisk and put it on the table about to say something, when the Troll glances up, "ah ha!", he says, and begins to mix with an expert hand, "Now, now, now, one last thing...the spatula..." ... ...You take out the spatula and put it on the table without saying a word. When the Troll happens to glance up, he says "ah ha!" and takes the spatula in his hand. He uses it to transfer all the batter from the bowl to the baking tin. Then he puts the cake in a little oven hidden in a corner. In no time at all, the utensils and ingredients are cleared away, and a wonderful smell of butter and sugar fills the air. The smells coming from the hidden oven grow more and more delicious. > Smell The house smells clean and fresher than before. The smells coming from the hidden oven grow more and more delicious. As you watch with your mouth watering, the Troll takes out a perfectly baked cake, removes it from the tin, and covers it in pale pink frosting. "Please, don't wait on ceremony," the Troll graciously invites you toward the cake, and then proceeds to take a large handful of the dessert himself. It is only then that you notice something new has appeared from all of the Troll's puttering and opening of secret compartments.

[Themes: Magical Realism, magical realism] > Look around The house feels comfortable and homey. Everything is better with cake. Now you notice a large steamer trunk in one corner of the little house. It shouldn't be suspicious, even a troll needs some storage space...but there is no denying that it feels incredibly suspicious. The snake coiled on top might be adding to your discomfort. A beautifully frosted and perfectly baked cake sitting atop an overturned round tin on the floor the Old House. Almost half is already gone and a few moist crumbs lie scattered around it. The front door is open, letting in rays of golden light. The troll is puttering around the little house. > You look at the snake A coil of reptilian muscle, you shudder and decide not to disturb it. "Bit intimidating," the Troll admits, "I'm much too afraid to do anything with him myself." > You ask the snake about the snake "SSSSssssssss" saysss the ssnake. > You play the flute You place the little flute to your lips and blow a few experimental notes. The sound is soft and a little melancholy. The snake waves its head side to side as you play, turning jeweled eyes to you, and flicking his delicate tongue. Then he wiggles from off the steamer trunk and through the open window out into the perfumed garden. > You eat the cake Since there isn't a dessert plate or a cake serving set handy, you wipe your hand on your pants and, as genteelly as possible, take a handful of pink frosted cake. You remember mindfully eating the apple and again pause just one moment before taking a first bite, smelling the treat and even enjoying the feel of cake in your hand. Then you take a bite. It is sweet and buttery and still warm from the oven. You imagined what it took for this to get to your hands: from growing the wheat and sugar cane to waiting while the troll frosted the layers. You notice the first burst of flavor and how it gradually fades at the end of each mouthful; paying attention fully as if it were your first time ever eating cake. Very slowly chewing, appreciating the change in texture and taste, you finished the handful and felt completely satisfied > You open the trunk You open the steamer trunk, revealing a bird's nest and an egg. > You examine the nest A nest of paper and ribbons might seem nice, but this is part of Hope's prison. It was built from starving gratitudes until they shriveled up and died. Though an inanimate object, it seethes with resentment. > You examine egg The egg is cream colored and the size of a ball. The shell is dimpled slightly all over. Part of Hope's prison, the longer you look at it the colder you feel. > You take the nest and the egg bird's nest: You don't want to get too close to that tangle. egg: That's fixed in place. > You ask Troll about Hope After your long journey you can't resist asking, "what really happened to Hope?" The troll pauses a moment thinking, "it wasn't any one thing thing in particular. All of Eunice slowly grew grayer and darker. I thought that it was just happening to me alone, so I didn't say anything, and began to think maybe it was my fault. I didn't know what to do. I guess none of us did. It got worse. It got to where I couldn't do any of the things I used to love, like reading poetry." > You ask Troll about the Poem You mention poetry and troll recites in a pleasing deep voice, "For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils." he sighs, "good stuff, good stuff." > Inventory You are carrying: flute, house key and origami bird > You put the bird on the egg You carefully take the folded paper bird, remembering some things you were grateful for, and place the little paper bird on top of the enormous egg. It balances, just a little lopsided. For the moment, nothing happens. Then the paper bird flutters and settles in to warm the egg. Slowly the egg begins to wobble, then shake. The paper bird flaps away through the window and out into Eunice. ... ...A crack forms in the shell. The crack expands and spreads. After what feels like hours, you can see a tiny beak poking through. As Hope breaks free of its prison, sunlight fills the house. ... ...The hatchling is a delicate thing with feathers. It makes a shrill chirp and shuffles its baby bird body. Slowly, it spreads its wings. Before your eyes it grows and grows. It flies across all of Eunice like a cloud, yet filling it with sunlight. Hope has returned to the land. > You tell Troll a the joke "Hhhrrmmmm" says the Troll, "hhrrrmmmm" then he seems to forget what you were talking about. > You tell Troll about the joke You remember a few silly jokes, and tell one to the Troll. "A wizard was driving down the street, what went wrong? He turned into a driveway!" The Troll's belly shakes and he makes a barking-burping noise. He is laughing! He shakes himself vigorously and begins puttering around the old house. > Continue You remember a few silly jokes, and tell one to the Troll. "What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt." The Troll's belly shakes and he makes a barking-burping noise. He is laughing! He shakes himself vigorously and begins puttering around the old house. > You continue You remember a few silly jokes, and tell one to the Troll. "What bow can't be tied? A rainbow." The Troll's belly shakes and he makes a barking-burping noise. He is laughing! He shakes himself vigorously and begins puttering around the old house.

[Themes: Science Fiction, science fiction] Glorious day, comrade! Of all the countless applicants, you yourself have been chosen to represent the great government of the Motherland as the political officer -- the zampolit -- in the crown jewel of the People's accomplishments: the lunar base. With months of training complete, you are finally ready to assume your post. The inside of this reusable space vehicle is cramped, but not unbearably so for the trip up from Earth. A ramp has opened up, leading out into the base. You can see DUFFY, apparently with some message on its screen, here. > You examine duffy This large immobile robot is known as DUFFY, which is an acronym for... something you can never quite remember. The "U" is for Unit, maybe? Anyway, its primary purpose is to analyze various substances and objects. It displays any relevant output from its analysis on a large integral screen. > You read the screen It reads: MESSAGE FROM COMMAND -- MAY 2 0759 -- COMRADE -- ZAMPOLIT REPORTED DECEASED BY SUICIDE. INVESTIGATE PRIOR TO SHUTTLE DEPARTURE AT 2000. MAKE ARREST IF POSSIBLE. END MESSAGE. > About yourself You are now this lunar base's zampolit, charged with keeping everyone in line with the approved ideology of the Motherland. It is a duty you take seriously. > Go up Small as far as hangars go, but large enough to contain the shuttle you arrived in, and afford space for its maintenance. The vehicular airlock in the ceiling is closed, of course. An airlock suitable for personnel is to the northeast, while an open airlock chamber is to the southeast. > You go northeast You can see a space suit and a big red button here. > You look at the button Pushing the button cycles the airlock, for access to the lunar surface. > You look at the suit If someone made a full-body parka out of tin foil, and added a bubble of a helmet, it might look something like this. > You wear the suit (first taking the space suit) You put on the space suit. > Go southeast Theoretically, a room where terrestrial goods can be quarantined. In practice, no one's going to wait an extra four weeks to eat a fresh pineapple. The dock is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see a coffin here. > You look at the coffin This insulated box seems to have been originally designed for the transport and storage of perishable food. It now serves a nobler, if more tragic, purpose. > Open coffin You open the coffin, revealing a body. > You examine the body This must be the previous zampolit officer. His nakedness surprises you, but between the autopsy and lack of an open-casket funeral, it makes perfect sense. On the body is a crucifix. > You examine the crucifix Such a thing is somewhat scandalous, and twice so on a political officer. It is pendant from a silver chain, which is beginning to show some tarnish. > You take the crucifix Taken. > You enter The inside of this reusable space vehicle is cramped, but not unbearably so for the trip up from Earth. A ramp has opened up, leading out into the base. You can see DUFFY here. > You analyze the the crucifix You slip the crucifix into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. > You read the screen It reads: OBJECT IS SILVER SUBTYPE STERLING. OBJECT CONTAMINATED WITH SLIGHT AMOUNT OF BLACK RUBBER COMPOUND. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a space suit (being worn) > You ask Duffy, to check your inventory The screen blinks out a message several times: COMMAND FAILED, COMRADE and then returns to its previous state. > You examine duffy This large immobile robot is known as DUFFY, which is an acronym for... something you can never quite remember. The "U" is for Unit, maybe? Anyway, its primary purpose is to analyze various substances and objects. It displays any relevant output from its analysis on a large integral screen. > You leave Small as far as hangars go, but large enough to contain the shuttle you arrived in, and afford space for its maintenance. The vehicular airlock in the ceiling is closed, of course. An airlock suitable for personnel is to the northeast, while an open airlock chamber is to the southeast. > You look in the coffin In the coffin is a body. > You take the body Have some respect, comrade. > You take the coffin That's fixed in place. > Close the coffin You close the coffin. > You go southeast This room is full of workbenches and power tools of various sorts. A non-pressure door is to the southwest. The quarantine area is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see the mechanical file cabinet here. > You examine the file cabinet The standard government-issue battleship-grey file cabinet. The Motherland may be built on vodka and blood, but her government is built upon a vast foundation of file cabinets just like this one. > You open it You open the mechanical file cabinet. > You look in it The contents seem to be arranged by date. You could look up a particular date to find a specific record. > You look up may 2 (in the mechanical file cabinet) You find several standard statement-of-work forms, but none of them seem particularly interesting. > You go southwest A small, cramped room. A cot, a locker, a small writing desk. The place smells faintly of lightweight oil. The only door is to the northeast. You can see Tsygan here. > You examine Tsygan The mechanic, Tsygan, as you recall from your briefing, is in charge of all the mechanical systems and subsytems on the entire base, from life support to plumbing. He is angrily mumbling under his breath about something. > You examine the cot As far as beds go, it's pretty spartan, even by your standards. It looks like an air duct grille has been installed under it. > You look at grille This grille seems designed to admit airflow and little else. It seems to be loose on its hinges. > You take grille That's hardly portable. > Unlock grille (with the space suit) That doesn't seem to be something you can unlock. > You ask Tsygan about the body "It is very unfortunate. I had thought Sablin was stronger, psychologically, than that. Apparently I was wrong about him. As we all were." > You ask Tsygan about Tsygan "I'm quite busy here, as I'm sure you can see, comrade zampolit. Surely everything you need to know is in my official file," he replies curtly. > You move the cot It is fixed in place. > Doff suit You take off the space suit.

[Themes: Science Fiction, science fiction] > Go downwards These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > You go to the south-east The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here. > You look at Burlak The gardner, Burlak, as you recall from your briefing, is in charge of the greenhouse and lunar excursions. He looks approximately ancient. > You ask Burlak about Sablin "I cannot truly believe it, even now. He was a complex man, but not a troubled one." > You ask Burlak about burlak "Ehhh? Me? Oh, I've been here since the beginning. Before the bone density supplements. I won't be going back," he replies. > Go southwest The room is dominated by a large counter, on which is spread a bewildering variety of bowls, knives, and food ingredients. An industrial refrigerator stands in one corner; beside it, a strange contraption churns away. A non-pressure door is directly to the south. The mess hall is conveniently located nearby to the northeast; a hall is to the northwest. You can see Prokopenko here. > You ask prokopenko about Sablin "We did not always see eye-to-eye, it is true. Still," he says, "it is a terrible thing, so close to his return to Earth." > You examine the contraption This machine, at first glance, defies comprehension. It looks like an outboard motor engaged in some sort of kinky fan-belt-based bondage with the refrigerator. You eventually puzzle out that it must be some sort of rigged-up stand mixer, for baking. > You ask the prokopenko about the contraption "It is a marvel, is it not?" He does not await a reply. "A few bits and pieces from here and there, and now I can bake a cake." > You go south A small bed fills most of this small room. The walls are covered with pictures of people in various terrestrial settings. The only door is to the north. > You look at the bed As far as beds go, it's pretty spartan, even by your standards. It looks like an air duct grille has been installed under it. > You look at grille This grille seems designed to admit airflow and little else. It seems to be loose on its hinges. > You go northeast You can't go that way. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > Go north The room is dominated by a large counter, on which is spread a bewildering variety of bowls, knives, and food ingredients. An industrial refrigerator stands in one corner; beside it, a strange contraption churns away. A non-pressure door is directly to the south. The mess hall is conveniently located nearby to the northeast; a hall is to the northwest. You can see Prokopenko here. > Go northwest Most of the room is filled with radio equipment. There's a non-pressure door to the northeast. A delicious smell wafts in from the southeast; to the southwest is the greenhouse dome. You can see the radio file cabinet here. > You examine the cabinet The standard government-issue battleship-grey radio file cabinet. The Motherland may be built on vodka and blood, but her government is built upon a vast foundation of radio file cabinets just like this one. > You open it You open the radio file cabinet. > You look in it The contents seem to be arranged by date. You could look up a particular date to find a specific record. > Go southwest A pleasant respite from the rest of the base are the rows and rows of growing plants. The greenhouse is a geodesic dome constructed from thick glass. Metal shutters are retracted near the floor, ready to be deployed in case of danger. The rest of the base is to the northeast. You can see a composter here. > You look at the composter Just a large metal box, really, full of organic materials slowly decomposing into soil. Worth more than gold, up here. > Search composter You dig around a bit in the muck. Your fingers hit something which doesn't feel organic at all, so you pull it out -- it's a long black piece of rubber. Surely that doesn't belong in the compost. You pull it out. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: an old fan belt a space suit > You examine the belt A long thin length of black rubber. It looks the worse for wear, even considering its time spent in a pile of decomposing goo. > Go northeast Most of the room is filled with radio equipment. There's a non-pressure door to the northeast. A delicious smell wafts in from the southeast; to the southwest is the greenhouse dome. You can see the radio file cabinet here. > You go southeast The room is dominated by a large counter, on which is spread a bewildering variety of bowls, knives, and food ingredients. An industrial refrigerator stands in one corner; beside it, a strange contraption churns away. A non-pressure door is directly to the south. The mess hall is conveniently located nearby to the northeast; a hall is to the northwest. You can see Prokopenko here. > You show the belt to Prokopenko (the old fan belt to Prokopenko) Prokopenko is unimpressed. > You tell Prokopenko about the crucifix This provokes no reaction. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > You examine the grille This grille seems designed to admit airflow and little else. It seems to be welded shut. > Go northeast The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here. > You show the belt to Burlak Burlak is unimpressed. > You analyze the belt You slip the old fan belt into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. > You look at the screen It reads: OBJECT COMPOSED OF BLACK RUBBER COMPOUND. IDENTIFIED AS FAN BELT. COMPOSITION MATCHES SILVER OBJECT CONTAMINANT. > You go southeast Theoretically, a room where terrestrial goods can be quarantined. In practice, no one's going to wait an extra four weeks to eat a fresh pineapple. The dock is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see a coffin here. thing seems to confuse it." > You go northeast You can see a big red button here. > You go northeast This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the northwest, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The mess hall is back to the southwest, while the hall continues to the north. > Go northwest This small room seems bigger than it really is because it's almost entirely empty, with the last occupant's belongings already removed, and its new occupant -- you -- yet to move in. The few permanently-installed pieces of furniture indicate it is an office. The door back into the hall is to the southeast. > You examine the grille This grille seems designed to admit airflow and little else. It seems to be welded shut. > Go southeast This small room seems bigger than it really is because it's almost entirely empty, with the last occupant's belongings already removed, and its new occupant -- you -- yet to move in. The few permanently-installed pieces of furniture, such as the bed, indicate it is your quarters The door back into the hall is to the northwest. > You examine the bed As far as beds go, it's pretty spartan, even by your standards. It looks like an air duct grille has been installed under it. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > Go north This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the west, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The hall curves away to the north and south. > You go west The long couch, suitable for reclining, tips you off that this must by the office of the base psychiatrist. It also features the more usual furniture for an office -- a desk, a file cabinet, that sort of thing. The hallway is back to the east. You can see Golovachev here. > You look at Golovachev Golovachev is the base psychiatrist. Apparently all the isolation gets to some people. > You ask Golovachev about Sablin "There was no prior indication that Sablin was tending towards suicidal ideation, let alone action. A review of the literature supports that this is unusual, but not entirely novel." > You ask Golovachev about Golovachev "I am the principal point of contact for all aspects of mental health and fitness at this particular facility," he says. "If you should feel at any time that you may be losing contact with reality, please do not hesitate to engage me." > Go east You feel distinctly-uncomfortable lurking around someone else's bedroom. Relief is to the west. > You go to the north The curving hall finally terminates in a door in its northwesterly extremity. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the east, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The rest of the base is back towards the south. > You go east Not exactly a full-service hospital -- more like an overgrown stationary ambulance, really -- this is where the physical health of the cosmonauts is assessed and hopefully improved. You resolve to stay healthy. The door is to the west. You can see Dolmatov here. He stops working for a moment. "Ah, comrade. I was hoping you'd drop by. Here's the medical report regarding Sablin." He hands you a medical report. > You read the report Nothing is written on the medical report. > You examine the report The medical report is several pages of dense medical jargon, but you're able to gather that it concludes that Sablin died from strangulation, late May 1 or early May 2. He was found hanged in his quarters, once they kicked down the locked door. It has been officially ruled a suicide. > You ask the doctor about the report He puts down his paperwork and regards you. "I know you are newly-arrived, comrade. I have been here eleven months, and I'm scheduled to return to Earth in a few weeks. The zampolit was discovered behind a locked door, hanging from his neck. In my professional opinion, that is a suicide, wherever it happens." > You ask the doctor about the doctor "I graduated from the finest medical university in Moscow. And now I'm here." > You ask the doctor about Sablin "The deceased was a credit to the People. His loss is very unfortunate for all of us."

[Themes: Science Fiction, science fiction] > Look around Not exactly a full-service hospital -- more like an overgrown stationary ambulance, really -- this is where the physical health of the cosmonauts is assessed and hopefully improved. You resolve to stay healthy. The door is to the west. You can see Dolmatov here. > Go west The curving hall finally terminates in a door in its northwesterly extremity. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the east, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The rest of the base is back towards the south. > Go west You feel distinctly-uncomfortable lurking around someone else's bedroom. Relief is to the east. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > Go northwest This room is more like a tunnel through an enormous mass of machinery. All designed to keep the fragile human inhabitants breathing, not freezing to death, etc. The door back to the rest of the base is to the southeast. The room continues to taper off towards the northwest. > Go northwest This weird little rump of a room seems to have been used for miscellaneous storage, like an overgrown closet. The life support machinery is back to the southeast. > Inventory You are carrying: a medical report a space suit > Go south This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the west, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The hall curves away to the north and south. This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the northwest, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The mess hall is back to the southwest, while the hall continues to the north. > You go southwest The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > You look up may 1 in the cabinet You find just one encrypted message for May 1. The message body itself is encrypted, but you can see it is from Zampolit Sablin, and marked urgent. Seems important, so you take it. > You examine the message You can tell this message was sent yesterday, May 1, by Zampolit Sablin, and it is marked as urgent. Everything else is encrypted. > You look up may 1 in the cabinet You find just one work log for May 1. Seems like it might be important, so you take it. > You look at the log It's a standard statement-of-work form, dated May 1. It indicates that a fan belt was replaced in the kitchen. It is signed, but so illegibly that you couldn't guess by whom. > Go northwest Theoretically, a room where terrestrial goods can be quarantined. In practice, no one's going to wait an extra four weeks to eat a fresh pineapple. The dock is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see a coffin here. > You analyze log You slip the work log into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. > You read the screen It reads: SIGNATURE MATCHES COMRADE TSYGAN. > You analyze the message You slip the message into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. > You examine the screen It reads: ENCRYPTION KEY REQUIRED FOR MESSAGE DECRYPTION. > Go northeast The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here. This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the northwest, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The mess hall is back to the southwest, while the hall continues to the north. > Go southeast This small room seems bigger than it really is because it's almost entirely empty, with the last occupant's belongings already removed, and its new occupant -- you -- yet to move in. The few permanently-installed pieces of furniture, such as the bed, indicate it is your quarters The door back into the hall is to the northwest.

[Themes: Science Fiction, science fiction] > Go downwards These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > Go northwest These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. You can see a sticker here. > You read the sticker A small sticker of the sort one might find on a piece of fruit. > Go northwest These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > Go southeast These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. > Go southwest These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > Go south These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > You go to the northwest These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > You analyze the sticker You slip the sticker into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. > You read the screen It reads: PARTIAL FINGERPRINT FOUND. FINGERPRINT MATCHES TO COMRADE PROKOPENKO. > You go southeast Theoretically, a room where terrestrial goods can be quarantined. In practice, no one's going to wait an extra four weeks to eat a fresh pineapple. The dock is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see a coffin here. This room is full of workbenches and power tools of various sorts. A non-pressure door is to the southwest. The quarantine area is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see the mechanical file cabinet here. The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here.

> You go downwards This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the northwest, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The mess hall is back to the southwest, while the hall continues to the north. This small room seems bigger than it really is because it's almost entirely empty, with the last occupant's belongings already removed, and its new occupant -- you -- yet to move in. The few permanently-installed pieces of furniture, such as the bed, indicate it is your quarters The door back into the hall is to the northwest. These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > You go north These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. > Go west These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > You go to the west These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > You go east These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > Go west These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. > Go upward You feel distinctly-uncomfortable lurking around someone else's bedroom. Relief is to the east. > You go northwest The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here. This room is full of workbenches and power tools of various sorts. A non-pressure door is to the southwest. The quarantine area is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see the mechanical file cabinet here. Theoretically, a room where terrestrial goods can be quarantined. In practice, no one's going to wait an extra four weeks to eat a fresh pineapple. The dock is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see a coffin here. Small as far as hangars go, but large enough to contain the shuttle you arrived in, and afford space for its maintenance. The vehicular airlock in the ceiling is closed, of course. An airlock suitable for personnel is to the northeast, while an open airlock chamber is to the southeast. > You wear the suit You put on the space suit. > You go north Metal planking has been installed between the base and the observatory, possibly to reduce the amount of lunar dust being tracked in. The observatory looms to the north, while the base is back towards the equator. > Go north This building seems to have been designed to be generally kept at vacuum. There's nothing here that you would recognize as a "telescope", but presumably that's what all the dials and switches are for. Covering a goodly portion of one wall is a larger-than-usual file cabinet. You can see the astronomical file cabinet here. > You look at it A larger-than-standard government-issue battleship-grey radio file cabinet. The Motherland may be built on vodka and blood, but her government is built upon a vast foundation of file cabinets somewhat smaller than this one. At a glance, you can see it is full of photographic plates, arranged by date. > You look up may 1 in the cabinet You find a photographic plate for May 1. Unlike the other plates, it is not full of stars -- it seems to be just an over-exposed field of white. You take it anyway. > You look up may 2 in the cabinet You find a photographic plate, but it just seems to be full of stars. > You look at the plate This photographic plate has a simple paper label affixed, reading "MAY 1" in handwritten letters. To your naked eye, it seems to be an over-exposed field of white. > You go to the south Metal planking has been installed between the base and the observatory, possibly to reduce the amount of lunar dust being tracked in. The observatory looms to the north, while the base is back towards the equator. You can see a big red button here. > You analyze the plate You slip the plate into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. As well, a photograph is ejected by DUFFY and lands nearby. > You read the screen It reads: PHOTOGRAPHIC DATA EXTRACTED. PRINTING... > You examine it It appears as though the telescope can, in fact, be swivelled down to observe the base itself, or at least the greenhouse section. Shown is someone squeezed into a cramped space, between the glass dome and some sort of metal wall. He's surrounded by plants. > Go northwest The room is dominated by a large counter, on which is spread a bewildering variety of bowls, knives, and food ingredients. An industrial refrigerator stands in one corner; beside it, a strange contraption churns away. A non-pressure door is directly to the south. The mess hall is conveniently located nearby to the northeast; a hall is to the northwest. You can see Prokopenko here. Most of the room is filled with radio equipment. There's a non-pressure door to the northeast. A delicious smell wafts in from the southeast; to the southwest is the greenhouse dome. You can see the radio file cabinet here. > Go southwest A pleasant respite from the rest of the base are the rows and rows of growing plants. The greenhouse is a geodesic dome constructed from thick glass. Metal shutters are retracted near the floor, ready to be deployed in case of danger. The rest of the base is to the northeast. You can see a composter here. > You go southeast Most of the room is filled with radio equipment. There's a non-pressure door to the northeast. A delicious smell wafts in from the southeast; to the southwest is the greenhouse dome. You can see the radio file cabinet here. The room is dominated by a large counter, on which is spread a bewildering variety of bowls, knives, and food ingredients. An industrial refrigerator stands in one corner; beside it, a strange contraption churns away. A non-pressure door is directly to the south. The mess hall is conveniently located nearby to the northeast; a hall is to the northwest. You can see Prokopenko here. > You show the photograph to Burlak "Oh, I see," he says. "That's no crime. Not much of a crime, in any case. Just the indulgence of an old man. And Sablin, too, of course; he loved a pipe at the end of a long day. I suppose you'll want to investigate. There's a loose panel in the air duct beneath the greenhouse -- that's how we got in and out. Let the record show that I co-operated with you fully." > Go southwest These cramped tubes beneath the flooring of the base provide fresh air to the various occupied spaces, although your own body is mostly preventing that from happening now. It's easy to get disoriented in here. There is a grille above your head. You can see a loose panel here. > Go upward This is a tiny, forgotten space, wedged between the pseudo-curved wall of the geodesic dome and the retracted metal shutters. A few tables have been cobbled together from mismatched pieces of rubbish, on which stand a number of potted plants. You can see a pipe here. > You look at the pipe The sort of thing one smokes tobacco in. This one is lovingly carved from solid wood. There's an inscription carved into its barrel: "Good luck, son; we love you -- 17/04/1972." > You take the pipe Taken. > Go south The retracted shutters block your way. > Go northwest Most of the room is filled with radio equipment. There's a non-pressure door to the northeast. A delicious smell wafts in from the southeast; to the southwest is the greenhouse dome. You can see the radio file cabinet here. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > Go northwest The room is dominated by a large counter, on which is spread a bewildering variety of bowls, knives, and food ingredients. An industrial refrigerator stands in one corner; beside it, a strange contraption churns away. A non-pressure door is directly to the south. The mess hall is conveniently located nearby to the northeast; a hall is to the northwest. You can see Prokopenko here. The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here. This room is full of workbenches and power tools of various sorts. A non-pressure door is to the southwest. The quarantine area is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see the mechanical file cabinet here. > You analyze the pipe You slip the pipe into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. As well, a sheet of paper is ejected by DUFFY and lands nearby. > You examine the screen It reads: ANALYSIS INDICATES POSSIBLE ENCRYPTION KEY. MATCHING ENCRYPTED MESSAGE FOUND. DECRYPTING... > You examine paper It reads: MESSAGE TO COMMAND -- MAY 1 0803 -- COMRADES -- RECOMMEND COMRADE PROKOPENKO NOT REPEAT NOT ROTATE OUT INSTEAD STAND ON ADDITIONAL YEAR. WILL INFORM PERSONALLY. APPROVED BY ZAMPOLIT SABLIN. END MESSAGE. > W i think Theoretically, a room where terrestrial goods can be quarantined. In practice, no one's going to wait an extra four weeks to eat a fresh pineapple. The dock is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see a coffin here. This room is full of workbenches and power tools of various sorts. A non-pressure door is to the southwest. The quarantine area is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see the mechanical file cabinet here. The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here. This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the northwest, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The mess hall is back to the southwest, while the hall continues to the north. This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the west, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The hall curves away to the north and south. I only understood you as far as wanting to (go) w up. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a photograph a medical report a space suit (being worn) > Go inside The inside of this reusable space vehicle is cramped, but not unbearably so for the trip up from Earth. A ramp has opened up, leading out into the base. You can see a sheet of paper and DUFFY here. > You get the paper Taken. > Go west Theoretically, a room where terrestrial goods can be quarantined. In practice, no one's going to wait an extra four weeks to eat a fresh pineapple. The dock is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see a coffin here. This room is full of workbenches and power tools of various sorts. A non-pressure door is to the southwest. The quarantine area is to the northwest; the rest of the base is to the southeast. You can see the mechanical file cabinet here. The largest room in the base by a fair margin. There's enough tables and chairs here that everyone could eat by themselves if they wanted to; perhaps a larger crew was originally planned. Access to the dock is afforded to the northwest. The kitchen is conveniently located nearby to the southwest. To the northeast, a hall leads to personnel quarters and offices. You can see Burlak here. This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the northwest, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The mess hall is back to the southwest, while the hall continues to the north. This curving hall runs along the residential part of the base. Two doors oppose each other across the hallway; an office door to the west, and the door to someone's quarters opposite. The hall curves away to the north and south. The long couch, suitable for reclining, tips you off that this must by the office of the base psychiatrist. It also features the more usual furniture for an office -- a desk, a file cabinet, that sort of thing. The hallway is back to the east. You can see Golovachev here. > You show the paper to Golovachev Golovachev is unimpressed. > You show paper to Prokopenko Prokopenko is unimpressed. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > You look at the paper It reads: MESSAGE TO COMMAND -- MAY 1 0803 -- COMRADES -- RECOMMEND COMRADE PROKOPENKO NOT REPEAT NOT ROTATE OUT INSTEAD STAND ON ADDITIONAL YEAR. WILL INFORM PERSONALLY. APPROVED BY ZAMPOLIT SABLIN. END MESSAGE. There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > You ask Prokopenko about SABLIN "We did not always see eye-to-eye, it is true. Still," he says, "it is a terrible thing, so close to his return to Earth." There's a subtle whoosh of air as the life support system exhales through some nearby grille. > Arrest prokopenko You arrest Prokopenko, who is placed on the return shuttle for trial. Following months of deliberation, the jury finds that Prokopenko did the deed, traitorously angry from being recommended to another year of duty. He is sentenced to life in the gulag. > You analyze the photograph You slip the photograph into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. As well, a photograph is ejected by DUFFY and lands nearby. > You look at the screen It reads: PHOTOGRAPHIC DATA ANALYZED. PLANT SPECIES IDENTIFIED -- NICOTIANA RUSTICA -- COMMON NAME TOBACCO. COMRADE BURLAK IDENTIFIED. > You get the photograph Taken. > You go northeast It's full of stars. Pictures of stars, anyway. Amidst the piles of books is a small bed. To the southwest, the door. You can see Ivanovsky here. > You examine Ivanovsky The astronomer, Ivanovsky, as you recall from your briefing, is in charge of the observatory and its telescope, as well as all radio communications. He is shockingly young. > You ask Ivanovsky about Ivanovsky He smiles modestly. "Oh, you've probably read everything important about me in my file," he says. "I operate the telescope and the radio, mostly." > You check your inventory You are carrying: a photograph a sheet of paper a medical report a space suit (being worn) > Analyze paper DUFFY just spits it back out. > You analyze report You slip the medical report into a slot in DUFFY. The robot begins to churn, whine, grumble, and grind alarmingly. Just when you're beginning to seriously worry that it might finally explode, it comes to an abrupt halt. Its screen updates with a new message. > You look at the screen It reads: ANALYZING REPORT. CONCLUSION IS IMPLAUSIBLE. LUNAR GRAVITY INSUFFICIENT TO PRODUCE SCENARIO DESCRIBED FOR MAY 1. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a photograph a sheet of paper a space suit (being worn) > You analyze you That might prove fatal. > You jump You jump on the spot.

[Themes: Romance] Dear Blogreaders, I think we can all agree it has been a weird year. It's so cool that we could replace all our technology with Alien Tech (tm) from those UFOs that crashed last year. And just think of the last three weeks - the governors daughter abducted, and then, sudden and unrelated, this state allows gay marriage after all. Good for Paul and me! I heard the news when I returned from my three weeks trip to Europe. I rushed to his New Year's Party, and, well, after the last two years, I had a hunch that this could turn into Paul, his hair cropped short and dyed deep blue, awaits you at the door. "Alex! How was Europe?" "Fine! How is the party?" "Good, good." He gives you a long, sensitive hug, which usually means he wants to annoy you. "I invited a lot of people, to help you socialize -like Uncle Wally! I had to, after you accidentally (Paul puts a lot of *acid* in that word) sent him that Thomson's Gazelle last year. And even those nice Dagon Cultists from next door. So try and behave yourself, 'kay?" "I always try! I even made a cupcake." You hand Paul the single, small, crumpled and black thing, sole survivor of another kitchen fiasco. That gets you a soft giggle and Paul disappears. You really wonder how he manages to stay away from you on a three room party. A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here. [Author's Note: The third part in the Alex and Paul series. Contains some violence.]

> About yourself You're Alex. A middle-aged guy in combats boots, jeans, T-shirt and leather jacket. You normally wear your hair cropped short, but Alex convinced you to grow it out, and you must admit you really like it. > You open the drawers You open the chest of drawers, revealing a roll of duct tape. > You take the tape Taken. > You look at it Duct tape. You use it for minor household repairs and some hardcore roleplaying. You're pretty sure you can use it to TAPE something TO something else. > You look at the potter room A small door. Somewhat non-descript. > You open it You open the small door and cram yourself into the Potter room. Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. > You look at tools Every shelf carries its own heap of rusty, quite useless tools. > Search tools You discover a ten foot aluminium pole. Now you only need something you wouldn't want to touch with it. > You take the pole You already have that. > Search tools You find nothing more. Well, technically you find some more stuff, obviously, but it's odd - none of it seems exactly...y'know...helpful. > Leave You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here.

[Themes: Romance] > You look around A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here. > Go up Paul has forbidden any entrance for either you or anyone else to the rest of the House for the night. Aside from a a seductive "Maybe later, when we're alone", that is. > Go east And there he is! Uncle Wally, small, stout, with his Stalin moustache and Soldier's jacket to go with it. He opens his arms wide: "Alex, me boy! Didn't know I had to keep my back to the wall at this party! Haw! Haw!" He slaps you on the shoulder. "Ha ha, just kidding! I have nothing against queers personally!" Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about which of these will kill us first - lack of oil, terrorists, the climate change or the return of the aliens. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. You can also see a sleeping pirate and Uncle Wally here. > You look at the pirate Like every year, Paul told one guy that this is a costume party. Some fellow showed up in a pirate costume, complete with a hook hand, an eyepatch and a flintlock. Looks like he was so embarassed he smoked till he passed out. > You take the hook Hm, interesting. It might be useful. You decide to nick it, after all he could hurt himself with it in his sleep. > You examine the hook It's made of plastic and looks cheap and durable. > You get the flintlock You carefully remove the flintlock from the Pirates belt. It is, indeed, a working model - and loaded. Looks like you've only got one shot, though. Very Jack-sparrowish. > Tape hook to pole You tape the hook hand to the pole, making a pole hook. > You examine the purses Most people arrived directly from last-minute College courses and brought their stuff with them. > Go south You can't see any such thing. The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. Your cupcake sits among all the tasty food, sad and forlorn. Someone stuck a knife in the buffet next to the (unimplemented) cheese. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "The Stowaway" by Murray Gold (performed by Yamit Mamo). Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Haw, haw, with Alex and you I'm no doubt who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship. Or do you call them butches? No, that's only lesbos, right?" > You shoot Stalin No, that was the first one. > You take it Uncle Wally says: "Ah, hungry? I thought you fair folk only eat hoers'd'oeuvre." You pull the knife out of the counter. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a knife a pole hook a flintlock a roll of duct tape > You tape the knife to the pole hook You can't, well, you probably can, but you don't want to tape that together. (This isn't a cheap way out - it's an interesting chasm between player and PC motivation.) > Stab Stalin (with the knife) Even though this guy pisses you off to no end, you can't kill him in here. Even though you seem to miss him all the time, Paul is in here somewhere. And he won't be amused if he sees his dead uncle.(Hated or not.)

[Themes: Romance] > You look around The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. Your cupcake sits among all the tasty food, sad and forlorn. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing:"All that she wants" by Ace of Base.. You can also see Uncle Wally here. > You examine the cupcake A small, black, crumpled thing. Hard as steel. It looks pitiful. > You hit Uncle Hey! This game isn't called "The day I attacked Stalin!" > Inventory You are carrying: a cupcake a knife a pole hook a flintlock a roll of duct tape > Go south Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "You know how we could solve this finanical crisis? Just disallow women to work! They're stealing hard working men's job worse then foreigners." > You examine Pool A small, pool, lacking a ladder of similiar equipment. It's just a huge body of water, trapped by greenish, ugly tiles. > You look in Pool No, you need both hands to swim. You find nothing of interest. > You examine the wall Quite high. But climbable. > You examine the undergrowth Thick undergrowth. You think you glimpse something, though. > You take the mouse You already have that. > You drop all toy mouse: Dropped. cupcake: Dropped. knife: Dropped. pole hook: Dropped. flintlock: Dropped. roll of duct tape: Dropped. > Swim In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously]) You are surrounded by clear, cold water. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, women can't park...And Paul is kinda effiminate...so he can't park, too?" > You get out Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) You can also see a roll of duct tape, a flintlock, a pole hook, a knife, a cupcake and a toy mouse here. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, Alex, you're wearing really subtle makeup. And the clothes you're wearing? Not very fashionable. Maybe you're not really gay. Maybe you just need a real woman." > Swim In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously]) You are surrounded by clear, cold water. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "I'm really scared of all the terrorists. I mean, they own all the delis, and who knows what they put in our food." > You hold the breath You hold your breath. > Go up You can't go that way. You can't hold your breath any longer. > You go outside Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) You can also see a roll of duct tape, a flintlock, a pole hook, a knife, a cupcake and a toy mouse here. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "I don't get why I'm called sexist just because I say men should be allowed to hit their women. I think we all agree that talking to them never helps anyway." > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. A broken plank lies here. It has a sticker on it. > You examine the plank This plank has been broken in two . The sticker reads: "Take that, you godless vandals!" > Inventory You are carrying: a plank > You go to the east You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. You can see a golf cart (closed) here. > You examine the cart A new Alien Tech(tm) powered golf cart stand here. Looks like they learned their lesson from the two you crashed. This one has an Alien Tech(tm) powered swipe card reader. > You open the cart It seems to be locked. > You go northeast A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane. Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest. A plastic-eating snake slithers around here. > You examine the snake It's a weird hybrid, developed through Alien Tech (tm). They eat all the garbage. With that problem solved, everyone can focus on the climate.The plastic eating snake has eaten something square. Queer. > You cut the snake Cutting him up would achieve little. > You squeeze the snake Keep your hands to yourself. > You examine the gate It's a lovely gate, the club's motto "Nos es superbus nostri balls!" engraved above it. (Yes, it has a stone arc, but that's unimportant.) > You open gate It seems to be locked. > You go to the south-west You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. You can see a golf cart (closed) here. > Go west You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. > You drop the plank Dropped. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) You can also see Uncle Wally, a roll of duct tape, a flintlock, a pole hook, a knife, a cupcake and a toy mouse here. > Inventory You are carrying: a pole hook a toy mouse > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a toy mouse > About yourself You're Alex. A middle-aged guy in combats boots, jeans, T-shirt and leather jacket. You normally wear your hair cropped short, but Alex convinced you to grow it out, and you must admit you really like it. > You take all pole hook: Taken. flintlock: Taken. knife: Taken. cupcake: Taken. > You shoot mouse You can only do that to something animate. > You drop all cupcake: Dropped. knife: Dropped. flintlock: Dropped. pole hook: Dropped. roll of duct tape: Dropped. toy mouse: Dropped. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. You can see a plank here. > You go to the east You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. You can see a golf cart (closed) here. > You ask the snake about the food *hiss* *hiss* Unblinking stare. > You throw up The snake has better things to do. > Help [That command asks to do something outside of play, so it can only make sense from you to me. The snake cannot be asked to do this.] > Go west You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) You can also see a toy mouse, a roll of duct tape, a pole hook, a flintlock, a knife, a cupcake and Uncle Wally here. > You take all toy mouse: Taken. roll of duct tape: Taken. pole hook: Taken. flintlock: Taken. knife: Taken. cupcake: Taken. > You show the mouse to Uncle Uncle Wally is unimpressed. > You tape wally What do you want to tape Uncle Wally to? > You go north The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing:"Cheerleader of Dementia" by Lesbians hate time travel. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "So, do you and Paul see a lot of musicals?" > You look at the speakers Small...speakers. Connected ...to the ... laptop. > You examine counters They are weighted down with the buffet. > You eat the buffet (first taking Food) NOM!NOM!NOM! (There is still much food left) > You go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about how alien tech really didn't change the world as much as expected. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. You can also see a sleeping pirate here. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Haw, haw, with Alex and you I'm no doubt who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship. Or do you call them butches? No, that's only lesbos, right?" > You look at the backpacks Most people arrived directly from last-minute College courses and brought their stuff with them. > You search the backpacks Oh, some joker from med school brought his stuff in a body bag with a shoulder strap. You empty it on the heap and take it along. Might get useful, what with this game's title and all. > You get the eyepatch It's hard work, but you resist the urge to snap the eyepatch against the pirates head. > Wear the bag You put on the body bag. > You put all except the bag in the bag toy mouse: Done. cupcake: Done. knife: Done. flintlock: Done. pole hook: Done. roll of duct tape: Done. > You go south The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "The Final Countdown" by Europe.. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "You know how we could solve this finanical crisis? Just disallow women to work! They're stealing hard working men's job worse then foreigners." > Go south Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, women can't park...And Paul is kinda effiminate...so he can't park, too?" > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. > You go to the east You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. You can see a golf cart (closed) here. > Go northeast A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane. Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest. A plastic-eating snake slithers around here. You can also see a plank here. > Inventory You are carrying: a body bag (being worn and open) a roll of duct tape a pole hook a flintlock a knife a cupcake a toy mouse > You give the mouse to the snake The snake regurgitates a swipe card. Then she unhooks her jaw and swallows the toy mouse. SQUEAK! > You take the swipe card You already have that. SQUEAK! > You look at card A swipe card covered in snake saliva. SQUEAK! > Clean card You achieve nothing by this. SQUEAK! > You unlock cart with the card You open the golf cart. > You open the cart That's already open. > You look in cart The golf cart is empty. > You get in the cart You get into the golf cart.

> Look around Hilltop (in the golf cart) You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. > Go northeast Entrance Gate (in the golf cart) A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane. Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest. A plastic-eating snake slithers around here. You can also see a plank here. SQUEAK! > Go east You can't go that way. SQUEAK! > Go north With breakneck 30 mph, you ram the gate. Luckily, it was only painted plywood. (The golf course had some financial problems. But that's a different story and has nothing to do with replacing all those golf carts.) Country road (in the golf cart) The fact that there is country road behind a house you always thought of as suburban makes you realize how little you've gone out lately. It continues east and west. > You go to the west Soon you arrive at an invisible wall. Who'd've thought that cheap trick from First Person Shooters carried over so well to IF. > Go east Soon you arrive at a "ROAD BLOCKED" sign and return. > Go north Cemetery (in the golf cart) It's a small country cemetery. A sign from the undertaker hangs here: "Back in 1820 minutes." There is an open grave here. The gravestone has no name, but it's next to the grave of someone called Arch Stanton. > You get out You get out of the golf cart. It's a small country cemetery. A sign from the undertaker hangs here: "Back in 1819 minutes." There is an open grave here. The gravestone has no name, but it's next to the grave of someone called Arch Stanton. You can also see a golf cart (empty) here. > You look in the grave In the Grave is a coffin. > Open coffin You open the coffin, revealing a corpse. > You look in the coffin In the coffin is a corpse. > You look at the body In the body bag are a roll of duct tape, a pole hook, a flintlock, a knife and a cupcake. > You get all from the coffin You have enough trouble getting rid of the one corpse. Besides, in there is room for two. > You go south The fact that there is country road behind a house you always thought of as suburban makes you realize how little you've gone out lately. It continues east and west. > You go north It's a small country cemetery. A sign from the undertaker hangs here: "Back in 1809 minutes." There is an open grave here. The gravestone has no name, but it's next to the grave of someone called Arch Stanton. You can also see a golf cart (empty) here. > Go south Country road (in the golf cart) The fact that there is country road behind a house you always thought of as suburban makes you realize how little you've gone out lately. It continues east and west. > Go south Entrance Gate (in the golf cart) A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane. Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest. A plastic-eating snake slithers around here. You can also see a plank here. SQUEAK! > You go outside You get out of the golf cart. A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane. Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest. A plastic-eating snake slithers around here. You can also see a golf cart (empty) and a plank here. SQUEAK! > You go southwest You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. > You climb wall You put the swipe card into the body bag. You manage to scramble over the wall. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) You can also see Uncle Wally here. > Go north The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "Quality Shoe" by Mark Knopfler.. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, Alex, you're wearing really subtle makeup. And the clothes you're wearing? Not very fashionable. Maybe you're not really gay. Maybe you just need a real woman." > You go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about the greatly anticipated "Bedtime story." Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. You can also see a sleeping pirate here. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "I'm really scared of all the terrorists. I mean, they own all the delis, and who knows what they put in our food." > Go west A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "I don't get why I'm called sexist just because I say men should be allowed to hit their women. I think we all agree that talking to them never helps anyway." > You go inside Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "So, do you and Paul see a lot of musicals?" > You ask Wally about the women Uncle Wally says: "Haw, haw, with Alex and you I'm no doubt who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship. Or do you call them butches? No, that's only lesbos, right?" > You ask Wally about Arch Stanton Uncle Wally says: "You know how we could solve this finanical crisis? Just disallow women to work! They're stealing hard working men's job worse then foreigners." > You ask Wally about the top Uncle Wally says: "Hey, women can't park...And Paul is kinda effiminate...so he can't park, too?" > You ask Wally about the golf Uncle Wally says: "Hey, Alex, you're wearing really subtle makeup. And the clothes you're wearing? Not very fashionable. Maybe you're not really gay. Maybe you just need a real woman." > Kiss wally Keep your mind on the game. > Leave A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Haw, haw, with Alex and you I'm no doubt who's the man and who's the woman in the relationship. Or do you call them butches? No, that's only lesbos, right?" > You go to the east Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Some people sit on the two comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about the problem of staying human in a posthuman world. Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. You can also see a sleeping pirate here. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "You know how we could solve this finanical crisis? Just disallow women to work! They're stealing hard working men's job worse then foreigners." > Go south The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. People stand around, glasses or plates in hand, happily munching and talking. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "Quib-based Conversation" by Michael Martin. Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, women can't park...And Paul is kinda effiminate...so he can't park, too?" > Go south Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) Jolly Uncle Wally follows you, still grinning. He says : "Hey, Alex, you're wearing really subtle makeup. And the clothes you're wearing? Not very fashionable. Maybe you're not really gay. Maybe you just need a real woman." > You ask Wally about Paul Uncle Wally says: "I'm really scared of all the terrorists. I mean, they own all the delis, and who knows what they put in our food." > Stab wally (with the knife) Deciding to work on your daggers/knife instead of your social skill, you stab Uncle Wally in the back. He throws up his arms, shouts "Aaargh!" and drops into the pool. "See!" he shouts, with his last breath, "I knew you gays are all psychos!" You shout back: "Firstly, that's a lesbian clich?s. Secondly, the fact that I am a murderous sociopath has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. Anyway, boths are not things I conciously chose, and therefore I can't be judged for either of them." > You examine Pool A small, pool, lacking a ladder of similiar equipment. It's just a huge body of water, trapped by greenish, ugly tiles. Uncle Wally's corpse is drifting around in the swimming pool. > You take the hook Taken. You did it again! Damn, luckily all the people thought it was one of your crazy performances again and clapped, but Paul knows a dead uncle when he sees one. Better get rid of the corpse. It's not like Paul will miss him too much. > You look at the hook A makeshift pole hook. Might be useful to FISH something.(Mind you, not something out of something, just fish the general thing. Okay? Thanks.)

[Themes: Romance] > You look around Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The Dagon cultists from next door are sitting here, quietly sipping their sodas and quietly chatting to each other in a language you've never heard (which honestly isn't saying much.) > Fish body You fish out Uncle Wally's corpse. > Inventory You are carrying: Uncle Wally's corpse a pole hook a body bag (being worn and open) a swipe card a roll of duct tape a flintlock a cupcake > You put the body and the hook in the bag pole hook: Done. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: Uncle Wally's corpse a body bag (being worn and open) a pole hook a swipe card a roll of duct tape a flintlock a cupcake > You put the body in the body bag You can't see any such thing. You can't put something inside itself. > You put all in the bag Uncle Wally's corpse: Done. > You climb the wall You manage to scramble over the wall. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. > You go to the east You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. > Go northeast A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane. Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest. A plastic-eating snake slithers around here. You can also see a golf cart (empty) and a plank here. SQUEAK! > Go north It's a small country cemetery. A sign from the undertaker hangs here: "Back in 1762 minutes." There is an open grave here. The gravestone has no name, but it's next to the grave of someone called Arch Stanton. > You put corpse in the coffin You gently put Uncle Wally ...who am I kidding? You slump his corpse onto the other corpse, say "Don't cuddle" and slam the coffin shut. That's one problem of your mind. > You climb the wall ***You suddenly have the feeling as if you're not safe anymore. You'd really rather feel safe. You should buy a safe for all those bonds you recently bought.*** You manage to scramble over the wall. Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The huge, squallid, phosphorous mass of Dagon has dragged itself over the edge of the swimming pool, blocking entrance to the house while its hideous tail still splashes the water. One of the cultists, you think he's called Tony, stands here, holding an Uzi in unsteady hands. > You look at Tony Below the hood of his black robe, you see eyes weary with the madness they've seen, or maybe he just needs a good night's sleep. He holds his Uzi in shaking hands. > You look at Dagon It's the shapeless, nameless abomination Dagon, a giant fish monster. > You shoot Dagon Tony has better things to do. Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load. Um. Let me rephrase that. > You give cupcake to Dagon (first taking the cupcake) Dagon doesn't seem interested. Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load. Um. Let me rephrase that. > You give the cupcake to Tony (first taking the cupcake) Tony doesn't seem interested. Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load. Um. Let me rephrase that. > Stab tony You need something sharp. Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load. Um. Let me rephrase that. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a body bag (being worn and open) a pole hook a swipe card a roll of duct tape a flintlock a cupcake Tony brings up his Uzi, shouting:"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!" and shoots you in the face with his load. Um. Let me rephrase that. > You shoot tony With what? > You shoot tony You draw the flintlock, cock the hammer, shout "YAAAR" to confuse Tony and shoot him! He throws up his arms ("AAARGH") and drops dead. > You search tony You find an Uzi (32/32) and a bag of strange powder, both of which you pocket. > You examine Powder It's a bag labelled "Dagon Dissolving Powder. Best use in a huge explosion for maximum effects." Oh, look, those cultists had a safeguard. > You throw Powder Dropped. > You take the bag You already have that. > You throw Powder at Dagon You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment. > You talk to Dagon "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu F'thagn, P'nglui M'wagalnath R'lyeh... Ia! Ia! Shub-Niggurath?" > You check your inventory You are carrying: a bag of strange powder an Uzi a flintlock a body bag (being worn and open) a pole hook a swipe card a roll of duct tape a cupcake > You get all from the bag pole hook: Taken. swipe card: Taken. roll of duct tape: Taken. cupcake: Taken. > You shoot Powder with Uzi You can only do that to something animate.

[Themes: Romance] > You look at your surroundings Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The huge, squallid, phosphorous mass of Dagon has dragged itself over the edge of the swimming pool, blocking entrance to the house while its hideous tail still splashes the water. You can also see Tony's corpse here. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a cupcake a roll of duct tape a swipe card a pole hook a bag of strange powder an Uzi a flintlock a body bag (being worn and open but empty) > You examine the flintlock An antique flintlock - and it's working.You got 0/1 bullets left. > You drop the flintlock Dropped.

[Themes: Romance] > You look at your surroundings Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The huge, squallid, phosphorous mass of Dagon has dragged itself over the edge of the swimming pool, blocking entrance to the house while its hideous tail still splashes the water. You can also see a flintlock and Tony's corpse here. > Go north No, his polymorphus, unholy, eldritch mass blocks the way. > You drop all cupcake: Dropped. roll of duct tape: Dropped. swipe card: Dropped. pole hook: Dropped. bag of strange powder: Dropped. Uzi: Dropped. > You enter Pool In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously]) You are surrounded by clear, cold water. > You hold the breath You hold your breath. > You go outside Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) The huge, squallid, phosphorous mass of Dagon has dragged itself over the edge of the swimming pool, blocking entrance to the house while its hideous tail still splashes the water. You can also see an Uzi, a bag of strange powder, a pole hook, a swipe card, a roll of duct tape, a cupcake, a flintlock and Tony's corpse here. You can't hold your breath any longer. > Burn powder This dangerous act would achieve little. > You put all in the bag Uzi: Taken. bag of strange powder: Taken. swipe card: Taken. roll of duct tape: Taken. cupcake: Taken. flintlock: Taken. Tony's corpse: One corpse was enough trouble. flintlock: Done. cupcake: Done. roll of duct tape: Done. swipe card: Done. bag of strange powder: Done. Uzi: Done. pole hook: Done. > You climb the wall ***You suddenly have the feeling as if you're not safe anymore. You'd really rather feel safe. You should buy a safe for all those bonds you recently bought.*** You manage to scramble over the wall. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. > You go to the east You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. > You look at the cart A new Alien Tech(tm) powered golf cart stand here. Looks like they learned their lesson from the two you crashed. This one has an Alien Tech(tm) powered swipe card reader. SQUEAK! > Search cart The golf cart is empty. SQUEAK! > You get the plank SQUEAK! > You get in the cart You get into the golf cart. SQUEAK! > You go southwest Hilltop (in the golf cart) You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to Pauls garden. > You go west Golf course (in the golf cart) You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. > Tape plank What do you want to tape the plank to? > Plank You already have that. You repair the plank. Now (by dropping it near the wall) you can make a ramp with it. > Exit You get out of the golf cart. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of Pauls garden is here. You can see a golf cart (empty) here. > You drop the plank You prop up the plank against the wall, making a ramp. > You go west Maneuvering carefully, you steer the golf cart up the ramp and send it flying! Dagon turns its big, ugly head, but it's too late - you crash the car into his side, and the resulting explosion sprinkles him with the dissolving powder! Soon, nothing is left of him but a mass of greenish-grey goo, not unlike the bottom of that pot you found in the back of the cupboard. You splash into the water, expecting to be greeted by a thankful Paul, but no such luck. Hey! The game's usually over when you fly the cart. Outrageous! In the Swimming Pool (swimming [obviously]) Chunks of green goo are drifting around here - ewww. > You hold the breath You hold your breath. > Go outside Pauls Parents are rather fond of this small pool. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) You can see Tony's corpse here. You can't hold your breath any longer. > Inventory You are carrying: a body bag (being worn and open) a pole hook an Uzi a swipe card a roll of duct tape a cupcake a flintlock > You go north The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. There are some bloodstains here. On the counter next to the sink sits Paul's Alien Tech(tm) powered laptop, connected to some small Alien Tech(tm) powered speakers, providing music. Right now, it's playing: "Quib-based Conversation" by Michael Martin. > Go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the Kitchen and the Pool beyond to the South. Eek! All the guests have been horribly slaughtered in some sort of ritual to invoke Dagon. Has this author some issues or what? Between the two couches is a huge heap of purses and backpacks. You can also see a sleeping pirate here. > You examine the pirate Like every year, Paul told one guy that this is a costume party. Some fellow showed up in a pirate costume, complete with an eyepatch. Looks like he was so embarassed he smoked till he passed out. > Go west A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here. > You enter Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. > You ascend Oh, something in your pants vibrates. As you aren't happy about any of this, it must be your cell phone that you always forget you have. (So it wasn't mentioned in your inventory earlier.) It's Paul! After pressing the receiver, you hear some voices: "Damn, we thought you were a virgin! Why did you shout "Don't kill me, I'm a virgin!" when we started slaying everyone?" There's Pauls voice, heartbreakingly weak: "I don't know, I guess always wanted to say that."

[Themes: Romance] > You describe your surroundings This is a small hallway, with a lot of doors that lead to generic upstair bathroom, etc. A door leads east into the bedroom. > You open the door You open the bedroom door, ready to kill - You see Paul, he is tied to the bed and painted with some arcane symbols - to his left stands Jack, the cultist who always brings the pie over, and to his right is Luke, a rather shy guy whom you often see standing outside to smoke. Paul cries: "ALEX!" There is a bed in the middle of the room, and a cupboard on the wall to your left. A door leads west into the Hallway. Jack is dropping a dagger he was holding and goes for his gun! Luke is bringing his pistol into firing position. > You get all from the bag pole hook: Taken. swipe card: Taken. roll of duct tape: Taken. flintlock: Taken. > You shoot jack You shoot Jack before he can draw his gun. Unfortunately this means that Luke can put three slugs into you, because he already had his gun out (pay attention!) > You shoot luke RATATATATAT! Luke keels over, his pistol flying. You turn around to drop Jack, however the damn Uzi is jammed. > You throw cupcake at Jack Jack has his gun out and places a shot right over your left ear - luckily he only hits a photograph of Uncle Wally on the bedroom wall. You fling the cupcake at Jack, never lacking the nerve, and he's hit in the forehead, tumbles, crushes through the bedroom window and slams into the ground a few inches from the pool . (It's fun to kill people who are clearly villianous and therefore require no compassion whatsoever.) You look down at Paul, still tied to the bed. "Man, those cultists! They seemed so nice, even voted Obama. For once I'm glad you're such an anti-social maniac. Will you free me now?" You grin and jump on the bed. "Not yet." He sighs (happily). "You know, I'm glad we're getting married. That'll help to make you into a more social being. And this yearly terror might end." You shrug. "I don't know. You'll still make New Year's Parties sometimes, right?"

[Themes: Horror, violence, horror, Lovecraftian, lighthouse] What a way to end a holiday. First you slipped in the shower and broke your arm, and now you've lost your way on a remote "must-see" like Buwch Island. Then the rain. When you set out on your trip, it was a drizzle. When you realized you took a wrong turn, it was pouring. And, now, as you are back on track, it's a full-blown thunderstorm. Lightning hits the roaring waves in the distance, like screaming giants at war. The wind claws at your face and clothes, making you stagger. The cast doesn't help with that, either. But you promised yourself that you'd see the famous St. Cafasso lighthouse. The way back to town is too long now anyway. You shield your eyes once more and finally see the damned thing, a mile or two in the distance, its light circling the horizon, the only sign of human life in the raging inferno. (FIRST TIME PLAYERS AND THOSE NEW TO IF SHOULD TYPE ABOUT) The path has turned into inch-deep mud, and only with the help of the glaringly white lightning can you distinguish it from the soaked meadows all around you. It snakes its way upwards, towards the lighthouse on the cliffs, some miles north. [Author's Note: Lighthouses simultaneously stand at the border between land and sea and the border between old and new. They are naturally good settings for secrets. Do you dare visit this one?] > You look at lighthouse Hidden by the curtain of rain, and sparsely illuminated by the occasional lightning, it stands tall and lean on the edge of the cliffs, providing light in eternal circles, unhindered by the elements. You know that it's made of brick and that the light is provided by an old lantern, for historical purposes. Shipping traffic in these waters has ceased a long time ago. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a cast (being worn) > You examine the cast It's a white cast, reminiscent of a half-awake shower, a sudden slip and an embarrasing call to the front desk. It's, sadly, unsigned. > About yourself You are a young tourist, determined on seeing the St. Buwch Lighthouse, to give this last day of your vacation some dignity. > You go north A path snakes off to the southeast, trickling lines of mud ebbing into the grass. The northbound path leads further upwards, against a small current of dirt and debris, to the crest of a small mound. The rain taps on a metallic roadsign by the fork with a strangely industrial, almost urban sound. > You read the sign It's printed black on grey, and therefore almost impossible to make out in this weather. But by shielding your eyes, squinting, and moving your head to catch the reflections, you can decipher "BUWCH ISLAND RING PATH 12km" -to the southeast and "BUWCH ISLAND VILLAGE 3km" - to the south. "ST. CAFASSO LIGHTHOUSE - 500 mtrs north" looks the most promising. > You get the sign That's hardly portable. > Turn sign It is fixed in place. > You examine man You take a few steps towards the man at the table, and then shudder. Reflexively shielding your eyes from the passing of the light, your stomach clenches as you realize what your mind just blocked out: He's dead. His arms lie too limp, his body lacks all the subtle movements of life. The hood of his yellow oilskin jacket is pulled back, revealing tousled black hair. He looks vulnerable and young, touchingly out of place. A residue of foam still lingers around his mouth, the rest washed away by the rain. > You examine the jacket You'd expect a fisherman to wear one of those. It's waterproof and bright-yellow. > You search it You search the the big pockets guiltily. You find a small pill bottle. > You examine bottle A small white plastic bottle. Seems to be a lorazepam substitute, some sort of sleeping pill. It's empty. > You get the bottle You already have that. > Search jacket You find nothing of interest. There seem to be voices in the wind. You shudder. > You examine the picnic table The table and the bench are bolted together. Both are actually made of wood, dark and wet. You glimpse a hint of countless carved names, dates, obscenities. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a pill bottle a cast (being worn) > Go north The brickwork of the tower itself is dark like an underexposed black and white picture. It looms high above you, like a faceless giant standing eternal guard. The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. It even has an electric bell. > You examine the bell It's a small, round, red button. > You tell the davidson about the corpse [Use TALK TO to interact with characters.] > You talk to Davidson "Hello, Mrs. Davidson. Nice to let me in." She squints at you again. "You aren't the Johnson boy, are you?" [1] "That must be the young man I found ... outside. He's dead. At the picnic table. He committed suicide." > 1 Her eyes are suddenly wide with shock. "Sui- Suicide?" She shakes her head. "That coward." Then she sighs - "Nevermind, there is a telephone at the top. We have to call the cops." You climb what feels like a hundred clanking, metal stairs. The cold metal of the railing bites your hand, rust flakes sticking to your white, waxy skin. The light of the big lantern blinds you every few seconds. Nothing but a rusty railing keeps you from plunging headfirst into the roaring sea. In the distance, the thunderstorm is raging ceaselessly, as if ancient gods roar war at civilization. Mrs. Davidson arrives behind you, resting at the top of the stairs for a moment to catch her breath. The wind picks up for a moment, almost throwing you off balance, rain drops hitting you in painful volleys.

[Themes: Horror, violence, lighthouse] > You look around The light of the big lantern blinds you every few seconds. Nothing but a rusty railing keeps you from plunging headfirst into the roaring sea. In the distance, the thunderstorm is raging ceaselessly, as if ancient gods roar war at civilization. Mrs. Davidson stands her, slightly squinting, and smiling. For a moment, you think you hear the fog horn of a ship, somewhere out at sea. > You look at Davidson Laura must be in her late forties, with the first grey streaks in her black hair. She has a friendly, wrinkled face, fitting perfectly for a lighthouse keeper who spends a lot of time at the sea and with tourists. She is hiding something in her hand - you catch a glimpse of metal. > You look at the hand You can't see any such thing. You can't see any such thing. > You talk to Laura You turn to her and open your mouth, but she looks at you as if she's been caught red-handed. You notice a flash from her hand - as if she's carrying something made of steel. > You talk to her You turn to her and open your mouth, but she looks at you as if she's been caught red-handed. You notice a flash from her hand - as if she's carrying something made of steel. Suddenly, Mrs. Davidson jumps at you. At first you think she fell, but then you feel a sudden, burning pain in your side. Almost immediately, your body goes limp and numb with shock. Your legs falter under you, and the woman holds you gently, as you both sink to the ground, almost like lovers. Her grey eyes are dark with sorrow, as she whispers: "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it had to be..." You look at her, feeling perplexingly guilty at the motherly look in her eyes. Then color fades from the world, slowly, and above you the light circles and circles.

> Go downward As you arrive at the foot of the stairs, Laura looks up at you from a pool of blood. "Listen kid", she whispers, "it had to be... I'm so sorry. It has to be fed. It's our pledge. To keep the mother away. Please understand" - she's wheezing now, something important inside her broken. Her eyes are dark with death - "we had to." She doesn't roll her eyes. There is no sudden lightning. The thunderstorm just wails at the lighthouse walls, as if it were you conscience, trying to get in. The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. A weird dagger lies here. Laura Davidson lies here, twisted and dead. There is a trapdoor in the floor. There is an antique wooden cupboard in the corner. You can also see a keyring (on which are a steel key, a crystal key and a bronze key) here. > You examine the dagger It's a short, double-bladed dagger. It looks incredibly old, but the point is still sharp. > You take dagger and keyring dagger: Taken. keyring: Taken. > You open it You open the cupboard, revealing a wooden box. > You open the box You open the wooden box, revealing a flare gun. > You look at the gun It looks old, but is in good shape. It seems to be loaded. > You take it Taken. > You examine the crystal key This is a sight to behold. The crystal substance makes it luminous, and the sheer beauty of it makes it seem unreal. > You look at the bronze key It's a thick bronze key, tarnished and scratched. > You examine the steel key It's a modern, steel key. > You look at trapdoor This is clearly a trapdoor - the wood is different from the surrounding floor, and it has big metal hinges. The small lock on it looks amazing; it's made of crystal and has strange carvings on it - human figures and some sort of sea monster. It's too tiny to make out properly.

[Themes: Horror, Lovecraftian, lighthouse, violence] > Look around This circular room is dominated by the red brickwork and the circular stairs leading upwards, rusty metal like the door. The furniture seems to be an afterthought. The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. Laura Davidson lies here, twisted and dead. There is a trapdoor in the floor. There is an antique wooden cupboard in the corner. > You go to the south (first opening the lighthouse door) (first unlocking the lighthouse door) (with the steel key) The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. It even has an electric bell. > You take the body You try to heave him onto your shoulder but the cast prevents it. > Drag body It is fixed in place. > Xyzzy There is no escape. There seem to be voices in the wind. You shudder. > Inventory You are carrying: a flare gun a keyring a steel key a crystal key a bronze key a dagger a pill bottle a cast (being worn) > Go north The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. It even has an electric bell. > Go north There is a trapdoor in the floor. The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. Laura Davidson lies here, twisted and dead. There is an antique wooden cupboard in the corner.

[Themes: Horror, lighthouse] > Describe the surroundings The light of the big lantern blinds you every few seconds. Nothing but a rusty railing keeps you from plunging headfirst into the roaring sea. In the distance, the thunderstorm is raging ceaselessly, as if ancient gods roar war at civilization. > You examine the railing It's painfully cold to the touch, spotted with rust, eerily illuminated by the thunderstorm. > You look at lantern It's some sort of electrical lantern, buzzing loudly and emiting a steady, yellowish light, blinding and hot up here. The surface is littered with dead insects. There is a shudden, sharp, stabbing pain in your back. Too much walking in the cold. You move your back a bit, to ease the strain. The pain dies down.

[Themes: Horror] > Go downwards The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. There is a trapdoor in the floor. Laura Davidson lies here, twisted and dead. There is an antique wooden cupboard in the corner. > You open the trapdoor (first unlocking the trapdoor) (with the crystal key) You open the trapdoor. > Down You are standing in a small recess. This small space feels old and inhospitable. A bluish metal door leadseastwards into the cliffs. It's engraved with weird symbols. There is a trapdoor in the ceiling. > You examine the door Which do you mean, the metal door or the trapdoor? > Metal The symbols are unlike anything you've ever seen, yet they fill you with a certain dread, something very basic, primeval. > Inventory You are carrying: a flare gun a keyring a steel key a crystal key a bronze key a dagger a pill bottle a cast (being worn) > You open the metal door (first unlocking the metal door) (with the bronze key) You open the metal door. > You examine keyring You see nothing special about the keyring. On the keyring nothing. > Go east God, the stench. Fish and flesh and sweat and fear. The room is barely lit by a dirty lightbulb on the ceiling, but you see straw and bones, scattered everywhere. The dirty lightbulb gives an eerie half-light, leaving much of the disgusting chunks of organic matter to the imagination. The stone floor is littered with old, greyish straw. The sickeningly sweet smell makes you gag. A bluish metal door leads westwards back up the stairs. It's engraved with weird symbols. Something is moving in the shadows. It seems to be the source of the fishy smell. > You examine something Thankfully, it's half-hidden in the shadows. You can only make out a malformed, scaly head, abnormally huge, soulless black fish eye above teeth, yellow and sharp. It shuffles around slowly in the shadows, as if hurt or weak. It seems to move on all fours, though you occasionally glimpse something that seems to be the worst - a human foot on a scrawny leg, its toes webbed and scaly. > You talk to something You clear your throat and try to speak to the shuffling shadows. You manage a croaky: "Hello?" And from the shadows, something answers, a low, sickeningly throaty sound, in something that sounds like words.

[Themes: Horror, lighthouse] > You look around The dirty lightbulb gives an eerie half-light, leaving much of the disgusting chunks of organic matter to the imagination. The stone floor is littered with old, greyish straw. The sickeningly sweet smell makes you gag. A bluish metal door leads westwards back up the stairs. It's engraved with weird symbols. Something is moving in the shadows. It seems to be the source of the fishy smell. > Inventory You are carrying: a flare gun a keyring a steel key a crystal key a bronze key a dagger a pill bottle a cast (being worn) > You examine the straw Rotten straw. > Smell The smell is a sickening mixture of rotten fish and nasty human odors - sweat, fear, blood, feces. It's disgustingly sweet, you can almost taste it in your mouth. > You go west You are standing in a small recess. This small space feels old and inhospitable. A bluish metal door leadseastwards into the cliffs. It's engraved with weird symbols. There is a trapdoor in the ceiling. > Up This circular room is dominated by the red brickwork and the circular stairs leading upwards, rusty metal like the door. The furniture seems to be an afterthought. There is a trapdoor in the floor. The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. Laura Davidson lies here, twisted and dead. There is an antique wooden cupboard in the corner. > You examine the cupboard In the cupboard is a wooden box.

> You go to the west You are standing in a small recess. This small space feels old and inhospitable. A bluish metal door leadseastwards into the cliffs. It's engraved with weird symbols. There is a trapdoor in the ceiling. Laura Davidson lies here, twisted and dead. > Up This circular room is dominated by the red brickwork and the circular stairs leading upwards, rusty metal like the door. The furniture seems to be an afterthought. There is a trapdoor in the floor. The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. There is an antique wooden cupboard in the corner. > Go south The brickwork of the tower itself is dark like an underexposed black and white picture. It looms high above you, like a faceless giant standing eternal guard. The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. It even has an electric bell. > You go south You're almost blind here. Every few moments this area is bathed in harsh white light, leaving shadowy after-images in your sight. From here, you can see the lighthouse on top of the cliffs, maybe 200 meters further north, and hear the cannonading waves against their base, deep and old, gnawing at the island. There is a picnic table, a few steps from the path, and someone is sitting there, head on his hands. > You pull the corpse It is fixed in place. > Kiss corpse You blink the thought away. This storm sure is putting weird ideas in your head. > Cut corpse Cutting that up would achieve little. > Shoot flare (with the flare gun) Might be a good way to alert the authorities. But you don't think it would be seen in this hellish weather, near the big lighthouse light. A raindrop hits you quite painfully in the eye. You have to stop for a moment and rub it, till the pain subsides.

[Themes: Horror, violence] > Go downwards This circular room is dominated by the red brickwork and the circular stairs leading upwards, rusty metal like the door. The furniture seems to be an afterthought. The stainless steel entrance door looks modern in comparison. There is a trapdoor in the floor. There is an antique wooden cupboard in the corner. > Go southeast You have to tell the authorities. About that thing you found in the cellar. About Mrs. Davidson. Let them find out what the hell happened here. Your broken arm begins to hurt. 12 kilometers is a long way. You look back towards the lighthouse. It's silently waiting to spoil its dark secrets at the world. > Go south No. You've come this far. > You examine laura You can't bring yourself to look at her for long. Her eyes are open, a horrifying expression of surprise in them. Her body looks twisted and broken, a stray lock of hair has fallen into her face, given her an even more vulnerable expression. > You shoot something (with the flare gun) You aim a shaking arm at the shape in the shadows. You have never fired a gun before, but you're pretty sure how this works. You close your eyes and fire. The flare gun melts to a heap and you drop it reflexively. The whole room lights up for a moment as the flare sizzles towards the thing in the shadows, raining sparks on the stone floor. It hits and immediately the whole creature has caught fire. The screams are high-pitched, horrifyingly pure. Thankfully, it dies quickly.

[Themes: Horror, horror, violence] > You describe your surroundings The dirty lightbulb gives an eerie half-light, leaving much of the disgusting chunks of organic matter to the imagination. The stone floor is littered with old, greyish straw. The sickeningly sweet smell makes you gag. The burnt carcass of something horrible lies in the corner. A bluish metal door leads westwards back up the stairs. It's engraved with weird symbols. > You examine carcass The beast has burnt beyond recognition. The smell has become worse, like a fish market mixed with burnt flesh. > You go south As you step outside, you hear a roar behind you, audible above the thunderous storm - filled with fear and pain and rage. A behemoth, some unthinkable monstrosity from the lightless depths, has taken to land. Car-sized hand grab the lighthouse and shake it, screaming questions at it in a language worthy of giants. You fall to the ground and cover your ears, babbling in terror as the building starts to fall. You scramble back to your feet, clothes and face muddy, and start to run. You run for a long time.

The man-eating, halitosic gorilla of Brazil Command Summary: LOOK / L Repeat the last page INVENTORY / I Show player inventory SAVE / S Save the game RESTORE / R Restore the game QUIT / Q Quit the game RESTART / X Restart the game HELP / H This text Select options by their number. To use an object, type its name as it appears in the inventory list. 1) Continue. > 1 There is darkness, and pain at the back of your head. Basic urges flow through your lizard brain, air, food, rest, smoochies, video games. After who knows how long you open your eyes. You're in some kind of interrogation room, small, cramped. The stone carvings on the moss-covered walls make this look like a lazily designed secret room from a videogame. With you in the room is a gorilla in a suit, who looks a bit like Ron Perlman. Only this gorilla has rocket launchers for arms. You close your eyes. "Oh no" you think to yourself, "not again." And then you remember. The secret mission, from the new boss, who does look something like Michael Gambon: "Somewhere in the Brazilian jungle, there is a new mastermind at work. We know very little, only that he killed our best agent, Bonathan Jlask. And that he's hidden in some secret temple. Well, we've heard you know how to find such places. And how to get into them." You told him you're retired. "No" he said, firmly. "People like you never are." You were about to respond, but his secretary, the spitting image of Kirsten Dunst, already handed you the tickets. Flash forward. The gorilla is looking at you. "What were you doing here?" 1) "What do you mean? I am a botanist. I was looking for a special plant." 2) "I am a secret agent for the world government!" > 1 "I left the next biggest town a few days ago. My only companion was my guide, who did look a bit like Alfred Molina. Anyhoo, soon we arrived here and after some searching we found the plant. But then my guide fell into a hole. Some guide, I tell I attached my rope to a nearby statue. Only the statue had to be weighed down with sand from the nearby beach first, which I put in the linen bags which carried the clothes. Then I climbed down the hole. Down there, I felt like being eaten by a grue so I switched on my lamp. Only it didn't have any batteries. And my box full of batteries was guarded by a snake. I found a toy mouse to distract it, so I got my batteries. They were the wrong size. But with them, I could switch on the venilator for Professor Bunglay, who in turn gave me his electric shaver, which did hold the right batteries. So I went back down there again, but when I finally could see, I didn't see my guide, I saw a sleeping tiger!" 1) "I then decided to sneak up to it." 2) "I then decided to wait a bit." 3) "I probably should tell you about the plant!" > 1 The gorilla tries to wave his rocket launchers dismissively. He fails. He then says, "Who are you trying to fool? You wouldn't approach a dangerous animal if you were, indeed, a renowned botanist. You know what I think you are? You are AFGNCAAP, the famous IF agent. I have a hard time making out anything specific about you, and that's just odd for a fictional world that has something as weird as a me, a gorilla with rocket launchers for hands! So tell me, am I right?" 1) "Yes, I am a secret agent. My mission is to kill you." 2) "No. See, this is CYOA. It doesn't even have a parser or an inventory!" 3) "Yeah, a gorilla with rocket launcher hands. That *is* odd. Please tell me your story." > 3 "Many a year ago, I was a happy AI in a rocket launcher, the newest and deadliest in weapons technology. Straight on our way to skynet, we were. But then some crazy scientist attached a gorilla to me. And now see I how look. Completely stupid! That's why I want to take over the world. Anyway, let me reiterate my question." The gorilla tries to wave his rocket launchers dismissively. He fails. He then says, "Who are you trying to fool? You wouldn't approach a dangerous animal if you were, indeed, a renowned botanist. You know what I think you are? You are AFGNCAAP, the famous IF agent. I have a hard time making out anything specific about you, and that's just odd for a fictional world that has something as weird as a me, a gorilla with rocket launchers for hands! So tell me, am I right?" 1) "Yes, I am a secret agent. My mission is to kill you." 2) "No. See, this is CYOA. It doesn't even have a parser or an inventory!" 3) "Yeah, a gorilla with rocket launcher hands. That *is* odd. Please tell me your story." > 2 The gorilla, moving his rocket launcher not unlike someone handling chopsticks for the first time, puts three items down before you. A brass lantern, an elven sword and a platinum bar. Sweat breaks out on your brow. Oh no. He's on to you. "Now tell me, Mr. or Mrs. AFGNCAAP...what would be your first action if I do this...?" And, pressing a button on his one launcher with his other launcher, your cuffs click open. Free. But it's no use. 1) >GET ALL 2) >GET ALL 3) >GET ALL > 2 Quicker than you can say cutscene, you're tied up again. The gorilla looks at you. "You know, I always envied you. Getting all the treasures, defending all those thiefs. Solving all those fiendish puzzles. But now look. What has the world come to? All these angsty protagonists with their guilt-ridden backstories, all these branching narratives. You live in a world that no longer needs you. The puzzle is dead. But don't worry, soon are you!" With that, he lifts his rocket launcher! 1) Try to get back to that one childhood memory you always shut out, and mentally reconcile with your mother. 2) Choose any incidental memory that just happens to pop up. 3) "Please, we can talk about this!" > 1 Okay, you finally reconcile with all she has said and done. After all those items in her old house triggered those memories, you feel like you finally understood her. You have grown yourself, in the intervening years. You now longer wear the innocent face of a child or the self-righteous, stern look of a teenager. You're grown. Maybe you have grown to forgive. Who kno..Sorry to interrupt, but you're being blown apart by a rocket launcher. ***You have died.*** X) Restart R) Restore Q) Quit 1) Look at what others had to say about this. > 1 Blurbs used: "Dude, even if you somehow get a movie deal out of this, it's rude to be picking out the actors already." -- Sam Kabo Ashwell "Unreliable narrator. Unreliable parser. For the love of little green eyeballs, why isn't anything in this game reliable?!?" -- Carolyn VanEseltine "The game's eponymous animal proved to be NONE of the adjectives the title proclaimed him to be, thank goodness." -- Colin Sandel "Smells like team spirit." --Tanga "The spiritual successor to Galatea, if Galatea had been about a gorilla with rocket launchers for arms." -- C.E.J. Pacian "Seemingly engineered to punch you right in the green slimy guts of your lizard brain." --Sarah Morayati "The minutely detailed simulation of the plant life was remarkable, if somewhat overwhelming." -- David Fletcher "The chariot race was one of the most thrilling, timed puzzles that I've ever enjoyed." -- Royce Odle > Examine Are you sure you want to restart? > Y. The man-eating, halitosic gorilla of Brazil Command Summary: LOOK / L Repeat the last page INVENTORY / I Show player inventory SAVE / S Save the game RESTORE / R Restore the game QUIT / Q Quit the game RESTART / X Restart the game HELP / H This text Select options by their number. To use an object, type its name as it appears in the inventory list. 1) Continue. > 3 Coca (Erythroxylum coca) is a plant in the family Erythroxylaceae, native to western South America. The plant plays a significant role in traditional Andean culture. Coca is best known throughout the world because of its alkaloids, which include cocaine, a powerful stimulant. The plant resembles a blackthorn bush, and grows to a height of 2-3 m (7-10 ft). The branches are straight, and the leaves, which have a green tint, are thin, opaque, oval, and taper at the extremities. A marked characteristic of the leaf is an areolated portion bounded by two longitudinal curved lines, one line on each side of the midrib, and more conspicuous on the under face of the leaf. The flowers are small, and disposed in little clusters on short stalks; the corolla is composed of five yellowish-white petals, the anthers are heart-shaped, and the pistil consists of three carpels united to form a three-chambered ovary. The flowers mature into red berries. The leaves are sometimes eaten by the larvae of the moth Eloria noyesi. There are twelve main species and varieties. Two subspecies, Erythroxylum coca var. coca and Erythroxylum coca var. ipadu, are almost indistinguishable phenotypically; a related high cocaine-bearing species has two subspecies, Erythroxylum novogranatense var. novogranatense and Erythroxylum novogranatense var. truxillense that are phenotypically similar, but morphologically distinguishable. Under the older Cronquist system of classifying flowering plants, this was placed in an order Linales; more modern systems place it in the order Malpighiales. Cultivation Coca is traditionally cultivated in the lower altitudes of the eastern slopes of the Andes (the Yungas), or the highlands depending on the species grown. Since ancient times, its leaves have been an important trade commodity between the lowlands where it is grown and the higher altitudes where it is widely consumed by the Andean peoples of Peru, Colombia, Ecuador, Venezuela, Bolivia and northwestern Argentina. 1) -go on- 2) -continue telling the story- > 2 "So?" says the Gorilla, irritated." 1) I then decided to wait some more." 2) "I then decided to sneak nearer up on it." > 1 "So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what?" 1) I then decided to wait some more." 2) "I then decided to sneak up to it." > 1 "So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what?" Did you lie around all day?" 1) I then decided to wait some more." 2) "I then decided to sneak up to it." > 1 "So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what?" Did you lie around all day? What happened?" 1) I then decided to wait some more." 2) "I then decided to sneak up to it." > 1 "So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what?" Did you lie around all day? What happened? What? Eh?" 1) "I then decided to sneak up to it." 2) "I then decided to wait some more." > 1 The gorilla tries to wave his rocket launchers dismissively. He fails. He then says, "Who are you trying to fool? You wouldn't approach a dangerous animal if you were, indeed, a renowned botanist. You know what I think you are? You are AFGNCAAP, the famous IF agent. I have a hard time making out anything specific about you, and that's just odd for a fictional world that has something as weird as a me, a gorilla with rocket launchers for hands! So tell me, am I right?" 1) "Yes, I am a secret agent. My mission is to kill you." 2) "No. See, this is CYOA. It doesn't even have a parser or an inventory!" 3) "Yeah, a gorilla with rocket launcher hands. That *is* odd. Please tell me your story." > 2 "So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what?" Did you lie around all day? What happened? What? Eh? Speak up!" 1) "I then decided to wait some more." 2) "I then decided to sneak up to it." > 1 "So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what?" Did you lie around all day? What happened? Nothing? Are you still there?" 1) "I then decided to wait some more." 2) "I then decided to sneak up to it." > 1 "With a back-to-basics roar the gorilla storms up to you. He growls, inches from your face. Finally he then hits you on the nose with a rocket launcher. Which is far less funny than it sounds. "STOP STALLING, HUMAN!" 1) "I then decided to sneak nearer to it." > You check your inventory You are carrying: Some papers you picked up three adventures ago. They are held together by a paperclip. > 1 The gorilla sighs. "So, that's it? I don't even need to torture you! Well, goodbye." He aims one of his rocket launchers at you. For a second you ponder ducking. ***You have died*** X) Restart R) Restore Q) Quit 1) Look at what others had to say about this. > All (Some papers you picked up three adventures ago. They are held together by a paperclip.) You can't use that here. > You check your inventory You are carrying: Some papers you picked up three adventures ago. They are held together by a paperclip. > 2 Hey, you found a schematic for a rocket launcher in that one game on that space station with the pirates. It said if someone said "Niereleelrieleilieleelieleilieleiii", the rocket launcher would deactivate. 1) Niereleelrieleliieleelieleilieleiii 2) Niereleelreileilieleelieleilieleiii 3) Niereleelreileilieleeleileilieleiii 4) Niereleelrieleilieleelieleilieleiii 5) Niereleelreileilieleleeileilieleiii 6) Niereleelreileilleleeleileilieleiii > 4 Like a stubborn idea hammered into a pupil's head by a determined teacher, the rocket launcher clicks. "Uh?" says the gorilla. "Must reactive it. Sorry for the hassle. This'll just take a second." 1) Do nothing, as it looks like you can do nothing. Just wait for death. Nothing to do. No, no. Just see another death message. > Papers While the gorilla is distracted, you bend the paperclip into a lockpick and you are free. As he sees this, the brute follows clich? instead of logic and runs away! You are right behind him , through endless, winding catacombs, always nearly but never quite losing him, as he rounds a corner or climbs some vines. Finally, there is blinding daylight! You blink into it, as you see your enemy jump into one of two waiting, ostrich-pulled chariots. You jump into the second one and whip the ostriches into moving! (Probably breaking some Protection of Animals Act.) Speaking of harmed animals, there is a ridiculously cute baby sloth in the middle of the road! 1) You drive over it, gaining more speed. 2) You swerve around. > 2 Woosh! The baby sloth looks at you with big, thankful eyes. This will have no gameplay consequences whatsoever. I am making an important point about morality in games here! The exciting chase (music not included) leads you up a stony mountain path. It grows smaller and smaller, but you gain on the gorilla. He sees you behind him and pulls his reins to the right, to crash, er, right into you! You have to make a quick decision!1! No time to lose !11!1 1) You decide to slow your ostriches a bit. 2) You decide to whip your ostriches into full speed. 3) You decide to swerve into him yourself! > 3 You decide to ram the gorilla! This works better than expected. Both chariots get wedged into each other, and soon you both swerve off the road and tumble down the mountain in a twisted mass of ostrich, chariot, gorilla and player character. You are swallowed by the green of the jungle. You are food for the insects, etc. This is not the optimal ending, in case you're wondering. X) Restart R) Restore Q) Quit 1) Look at what others had to say about this. > 1 You slow down, and predictably, the gorilla swerves his chariot - right into thin air! Ostriches and chariot dance the same old, short and painful dance with gravity, but the gorilla clinges to the edge of the rock. He can't really get a grip with his rocket launcher, though, and he slides downwards ever so slowly. "LISTEN!" he screams, scrambling. "This is bigger than you and me. Bigger than everything! I can give you names, addresses, phone numbers, twitter names, flickr links." "Who is it, primate? Who is behind this sketchily defined "this?" " "It's the Player-PC divsion, they're onto us, the implementors are onto us, but it's too late it's ***Source file ended in the middle of quoted text: main source text. This probably means that a quotation mark is missing somewhere. If you are using Inform with syntax colouring, look for where the quoted-text colour starts. (Sometimes this problem turns up because a piece of quoted text contains a text substitution in square brackets which in turn contains another piece of quoted text - this is not allowed, and causes me to lose track.)*** You have won! X) Restart R) Restore Q) Quit 1) Look at what others had to say about this.

[Themes: Harry Potter, mock, fanfic, humor, fan fiction] when a letter arrived that changed your life. You had been accepted as an exchange student to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, all the way in England! You packed your bags and left without delay. After a plane, a train, and a boat, you now sit in the Great Hall of Hogwarts itself. Great Hall of Hogwarts (on the bench) The Great Hall is, well, pretty great. The entire population of the school is here to see the Sorting Ceremony. The headmaster Albus Dumbledore is overseeing the ceremony. You recognize a few students -- that must be Harry Potter over with Gryffindor, and at the Slytherin table you're sure you can see Draco Malfoy. Everyone else has been sorted into their Houses; for some reason, you're the last to go. You can see a stage (on which is The Sorting Hat) here. [Author's Note: You were just a regular girl living a regular life in North Dakota when a letter arrived that changed your life. You had been accepted as an exchange student to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, all the way in England! You packed your bags and left without delay. After a plane, a train, and a boat, you now sit in the Great Hall of Hogwarts itself.]

[Themes: fan fiction] > About you You are Mhairie Sioux Escrivain, from North Dakota. Your mother is a human animagus and your father is a unicorn. You were raised by your mother while your father returned to the wild woods of his home. They both love you very much and your father visits whenever he can. You have deep purple eyes and your hair is a luxurious brunette with unicorn highlights of silver and gold. > Inventory You are carrying: your wand Shadowcat your robes (being worn) > You look at Hat Hard to believe this crumpled old hat is an artifact of great magic, and yet, so it is. > You look at the wand Your wand is made of rowan wood and is intricately-carved. Unusually, the core of your wand consists of your own half-unicorn hair, which makes for a powerful bond. > You examine the Shadowcat Shadowcat is your magical familiar. She is a rare fairie dragon that you have had since birth. She usually sits on your shoulders, purring quietly. > You look at the robes Your robes were your mother's and are embroidered with threads of silver and gold. In certain lights some people claim that they are slightly-transluscent, but that's just the wishful thinking of old pervs. > You get on the stage (getting off the bench) You get onto the stage. On the stage you can see The Sorting Hat. > You wear Hat (first taking The Sorting Hat) You place The Sorting Hat onto your curled tresses. "Ah, you must be the young lady Mhairie Sioux Escrivain," the Hat says to you. > 2 "You are too modest, Miss Escrivain," says the Hat. "Now then, onto the business at hand. You have some preference for your House, I sense." > 3 "As you say, my dear," says the Hat. "Of course, I could easily sort you into Gryffindor. But I sense something very unique in you..." just Mhairie." > 1 "The House for Mhairie Sioux Escrivain is... Gryffindor!" the Hat proclaims. Everyone cheers! > 2 Albus Dumbledore reaches over to remove the Hat, as the ceremony is now concluded. "However..." the Hat continues, inexplicably. "It would be more accurate to say that Gryffindor is, how to put it, her PRIMARY House." Murmurs of confusion arise. > 3 "It would be quite unfair to Mhairie, to say nothing of the other Houses, to restrict her to just one House. Therefore, she is also an associate member of every House, as befits her talent and potential." The murmurs of confusion give way to cheers, scattered at first, but growing in volume until the whole Great Hall shakes. Dumbledore, looking quite stunned, finally removes the Hat. You should probably take a seat before things get awkward. > You sit on the stage But you're already on the stage. > You sit What do you want to sit on? > You get off stage You get off the stage. The Great Hall is, well, pretty great. The entire population of the school is here to see the Sorting Ceremony. The headmaster Albus Dumbledore is overseeing the ceremony. You recognize a few students -- that must be Harry Potter over with Gryffindor, and at the Slytherin table you're sure you can see Draco Malfoy. Over at the Gryffindor table, you see that Harry has opened up a spot beside him for you to sit down. On the other side of the hall, Draco has shoved Goyle right off the bench, hoping you might sit with Slytherin. Between, both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw have also made space for you. You can see a stage here. > You examine Harry The scar on his forehead, the glasses, the boyish charm -- surely this must be the famous Harry Potter, the Boy who Lives. > You examine Albus The headmaster of Hogwarts is an ancient, wise, and powerful wizard, like Santa Claus crossed with Yoda. > You examine Draco The mischievous grin, the shock of blond hair, the leather pants beneath his robes -- surely this must be Draco Malfoy, the Boy who Sneers. > You sit at Slytherin You take a seat next to Draco at the Slytherin table. "Decided on your REAL House already, have you, Mhairie," he says. "I'm Draco," as if you might not already know that. The school year rushes by in a flurry of classes, exams, and studying. One moment in particular, however, stands out... It is late autumn, and the snow will be coming soon. Hagrid has led your Care of Magical Creatures class out into one of the sunnier corners of the Dark Forest. "Bowtruckles," he says, addressing the class, "are tricky wee buggers. They're made of wood, live in the woods, and never leave their own trees. Go on, have a good look for one; while I enjoy a nice pipe." He begins searching the many pockets of his coat. > You look The Great Hall is, well, pretty great. The entire population of the school is here to see the Sorting Ceremony. The headmaster Albus Dumbledore is overseeing the ceremony. You recognize a few students -- that must be Harry Potter over with Gryffindor, and at the Slytherin table you're sure you can see Draco Malfoy. Over at the Gryffindor table, you see that Harry has opened up a spot beside him for you to sit down. On the other side of the hall, Draco has shoved Goyle right off the bench, hoping you might sit with Slytherin. Between, both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw have also made space for you. You can see a stage here. > You examine Hagrid An unthinkably-enormous mountain of a man, with hair sprouting from all manner of unlikely body parts. > Inventory You are carrying: your wand Shadowcat your robes (being worn) > You examine the bowtruckle It's like a tiny little person, made out of wood. They're very difficult to see against the bark of the tree, unless you know exactly what to look for, which you do. "Ah, looks like Miss Escrivain has found one straight off," says Hagrid, having noticed that you've found a bowtruckle already. "Go on, then, gather round and have a good look, while I..." he trails off mid-sentence. "Well, shave my head and call me Doris! There's something you don't see every day!" Everyone turns to where Hagrid is staring. From out of the forest, a unicorn has walked into the clearing. "Now, everyone just stay calm and still-like. Just seeing a unicorn is blessing enough. Walk up to one and it's likely as not to kick your head in." > Hi You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. > WALK UP TO UNICORN I only understood you as far as wanting to walk up. > You touch the UNICORN You reach out and pet the unicorn, feeling its strong yet gentle equine musculature beneath your fingers. This apparently elicits gasps from the other students, but you scarcely hear them. For a moment, it is just you and this magnificent beast. Then the moment ends. The unicorn somehow senses this and gallops back off whence it came. The other students approach you, now that it's safe. Harry and Draco shove their way to the front of the pack. "Mhairie, that was bloody brilliant!" says Harry, clearly impressed. "So listen, I've been meaning to ask you, with the Yule Ball coming up..." "Out of the way, Potter!" shouts Draco has he shoves Harry out of the way. "Wanna go to the Ball with me, Mhairie?" he asks you. "Or me?" says Harry. maybe next time." you?" > 3 Your response leaves them both speechless. "Well, I suppose, that is," manages Harry, finally, "I mean, there's no reason we couldn't both take you to the Ball, is there? I mean, if that's what you want, I mean," he finishes. "I don't mind a bit of competition,", sneers Draco. "It's not who you go with as much as who you end up with, right? See you then," he says. They both walk off in very different directions. The weeks, like the snow, flies quickly and heavily, and before you know it, it is the night of the Yule Ball... The Great Hall has been lavishly-decorated for the annual Yule Ball. The students mill around in their dress robes. You grip a small glass of bubbly grape juice and enjoy the atmosphere. > Drink juice There's nothing suitable to drink here. As you look around the Great Hall, someone rudely bumps your elbow. You spill your drink all down the front of your dress robes! You turn to see who it was, but they've disappeared into a sea of near-identical robes. Shadowcat is so distraught she flies off into the rafters. > You look at the robes Your dress robes were a gift from your father's family. They are woven from pure unicorn hair and virtually float around your body. Even more people claim that they are slightly-more-than-slightly-transluscent, but that's just the wishful thinking of many old pervs. A large grape stain down the front of your robes unfortunately takes something away from the overall effect. As you try to decide how to recover from this faux pas, Albus Dumbledore floats up beside you. "Oh, bollocks, Miss Escrivain. I should strongly suggest you visit the Girls' Bathroom, just to the south of us, and clean yourself up. A quick wave of the wand and stains are gone!" he says gravely. > Go south This short hallway -- more of a foyer, really, or an antechamber -- is to the immediate south of the Great Hall. To the west is the Girls' Bathroom, which you're well-acquainted with. To the east is the Boys' Bathroom, of which you know nothing at all, save that it is surely a pit of filth and nastiness. > Go west The Girls' Bathroom. The bathroom is quite homey and welcoming. Soft candles light the room, the air smells faintly of lavender, and the sofas are nice and soft. The exit is to the east. > Wave wand That cleaned it right up, just like, well, magic! > You examine the robes Your dress robes were a gift from your father's family. They are woven from pure unicorn hair and virtually float around your body. Even more people claim that they are slightly-more-than-slightly-transluscent, but that's just the wishful thinking of many old pervs. > Go north The Great Hall has been lavishly-decorated for the annual Yule Ball. But the room is mysteriously and completely deserted -- where is everyone? Shadowcat flutters down from the rafters and resumes her perch on your shoulders. > You check your inventory You are carrying: Shadowcat your dress robes (being worn) your wand "Everyone marched off to the Quidditch Pitch," Shadowcat tells you telepathically. "They are under the influence of some dark power! You must go rescue them." > You go north You can't go that way. "Time is of the essence," Shadowcat tells you telepathically. > You look at Shadowcat Shadowcat is your magical familiar. She is a rare fairie dragon that you have had since birth. She usually sits on your shoulders, purring quietly. "There is no time to lose," Shadowcat tells you telepathically. > You look The Great Hall has been lavishly-decorated for the annual Yule Ball. But the room is mysteriously and completely deserted -- where is everyone? "We must make haste," Shadowcat tells you telepathically. > Go south You head out to the Quidditch Pitch straight away, and after several minutes of walking through the darkness, you arrive. The moonlight sparkles off the snow that covers the pitch, and in the center of the pitch, a dark figure stands, who sparkles slightly in the moonlight too. In the stands you see the entire population of Hogwarts, all standing as motionless as statues. > Go north You can't go that way. You're pretty good at sneaking around in the dark, but the dark figure standing on the Quidditch Pitch is even better at seeing in the dark. "Ah-ha, young lady; I thought I might have somehow missed one," he says in a dark sultry voice. "I am DRACULA, King of the Vampires, and I have hypnotized everyone here with my vampiric powers of hypnotism," he continues. > Wave wand You can't just run around flinging spells willy-nilly. "Indeed, even now, I have hypnotized you, without your even knowing it," he says, the model of confidence. "Although... no, I haven't, have I. I can't imagine what power you have to resist me... but I intend to find out!" With that he lunges towards you in a blur and bites you on the wrist, and starts sucking your blood! > 3 You protest vehemently, but Dracula will not be dissuaded by your protestations. He continues to greedily suck down your delicious half-unicorn blood. Dracula suddenly stops. He can't be full of your blood already, can he? You don't even feel faint. He steps away from you, clutching his head, and starts to moan which crescendos into a howl. > You examine Dracula He's a tall, dark, striking figure in a cape. Under the moonlight, his pale skin sparkles faintly. Even from here, you can see his pointed fangs glistening. This must be none other than Dracula, King of the Vampires. "NOOOOoooooo..." he howls, for seemingly forever. Eventually he composes himself. "Your blood, your delicious half-unicorn blood... it has made me see the error of my ways! Oh, the evil I have committed..." He begins to moan again, interminably. He finally spits out, "I must atone for my many sins. Your friends are free to go; you need only kiss them to release them from their paralysis." With that, he transmogrifies into a giant bat and flies away into the night. Well. It seems you have quite a lot of kissing ahead of you. Your only decision is this: who to start with?

[Themes: Adaptation, ocean, adaptation, male protagonist, cannibalism, ships, literary, nautical, dog, Antarctica, sailing, Edgar Allan Poe] ] Secret Compartment You are in a dark secret compartment hidden in a ship that you are stowing away in. [Author's Note: A Real Novel by Edgar Allan Poe.]

[Themes: Adaptation, cannibalism, ocean, ships, adaptation, Edgar Allan Poe, nautical, dog] > About yourself You are Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a ham > You examine the ham You remember this ham being delicious. You hear the sounds of a bloody mutiny! > Wait Time passes. Hey, your dog is in here! > You look at the dog Your faithful dog is on this boat with you, somehow. You are going nuts with hunger! > You eat the ham The ham is incredibly disgusting! You eat it regardless!

[Themes: Adaptation, nautical, literary] > Look around You are in a dark secret compartment hidden in a ship that you are stowing away on. You can see your dog here. > You ask the dog about the dog There is no reply. Your friend shows up and pulls you out of the secret compartment. Onboard The Ship (Mutiny) You are on the ship, which has been mutinized. Your friend is here. > You examine friend Whoops! Pretty soon a storm kicks up and shipwrecks all y'all! Onboard The Ship (Wreck) Everyone is super hungry. There is a hole that leads down to the food. You can see your friend, your dog and a half-Indian here.

[Themes: Adaptation, ships, cannibalism, Antarctica, dog, male protagonist, ocean] > Go down You are only strong enough to dive down in the hole and not retrieve anything. Oh, how sad. But you need to eat something! Or someone??? > You eat yourself You're plainly inedible. > You ask Friend, to go downward The friend has better things to do. You are so hungry. It's insane. > You examine the indian I'm pretty sure this guy is half-Indian. I don't remember his name. > You look at the friend Your best friend helped you stow away on this boat and also brought your dog along without telling you. You are so hungry. > You eat the dog Maybe you eat the dog at this point, or maybe the dog dies some other way. I don't remember. We'll say you eat the dog. But you're still hungry! Hungry enough to eat a fellow human. You are so hungry. Actually it's kind of ridiculous that you haven't starved to death yet.

[Themes: Adaptation, Edgar Allan Poe, nautical, ships, adaptation] > You look around Onboard The Ship (Wreck) Everyone is super hungry. There is a hole that leads down to the food. You can see your friend and a half-Indian here. > Go east It is impossible to go anywhere, because it's just ocean in all directions. Maybe also sharks? > You eat friend The time has come to eat your friend. You drew straws earlier so you know that it's your friend who gets to get eaten. You kill your friend and then you eat your friend's body. We shall pass over this moment without dwelling on how grisly a moment it is. pass over this moment without dwelling on how grisly a moment it is.It is incredibly grisly. This is probably the worst situation that can happen, for a guy to consume another guy as food, even under desperate shipwreck circumstances like these. Your actions are unavoidable and yet unforgiveable. And so gross. So grisly. Okay, I'm done. You're probably strong enough to go down into that hole now.

[Themes: Adaptation, ocean, sailing, male protagonist, literary, cannibalism, Edgar Allan Poe, adaptation] > Go downward When you dive into the hole you are able to pull up some pickles! You are so hungry, you could eat... your friend. > You look at the pickles Maybe they were cucumbers, up until the shipwreck. Eh? Eh??? > You eat the pickles You and the half-Indian eat the pickles and laugh heartily about how delicious they are. Delightful!

[Themes: Adaptation, ships, literary, cannibalism, Antarctica, adaptation, sailing, Edgar Allan Poe] > Go downwards When you dive into the hole you are able to pull up some pickles! > You ask the indian about himself You can only do that to something animate. > Inventory You are carrying: a pickles

> Go downwards When you dive into the hole you are able to pull up some pickles! Hey there's a ship coming this way! > You look at the ship Actually this ship is covered in corpses! Everyone on this ship died, and now their bodies are just waving around in the breeze while they putrefy. Grisly. I don't remember whether this ship shows up before or after you find the pickles. Actually, I'm not totally sure they were pickles. I'm writing all of this from memory, and it was like a month or two ago when I listened to that audiobook. > You examine the bodies This ship is covered in corpses! Everyone on this ship died, and now their bodies are just waving around in the breeze while they putrefy. Grisly. > You take bodies That's hardly portable.

> Look around Onboard The Ship (Wreck) Everyone is super hungry. There is a hole that leads down to the food. You can see a half-Indian here. > Go north It is impossible to go anywhere, because it's just ocean in all directions. Maybe also sharks? Well eventually you get rescued by this other ship and they take you to this weird island in Antarctica. I don't know if it's called "Antarctica" in the book. It's supposed to be in the area of the south pole, though. This is an island populated by black people! But they aren't African people. They are literally black. It's totally possible that they function as a metaphor for African people, of course. I think most 21st-century readers are going to go with a race-centric reading, although there have been other interpretations. The chief of the whatever-they're-called wants you to follow him to the west. You can see a half-Indian, an egg, a polar bear corpse, a weird river and a chief here. > You take all half-Indian: Taken. egg: Taken. polar bear corpse: It is too heavy to pick up. weird river: Taking the river would make about as much sense as anything else, but I'm not gonna let you. > You look at the bear There are gigantic polar bears here, and one of them died, and this is its body. The black people are terrified even of its corpse, for whatever reason! It may be worth mentioning that this polar bear, like the mundane, nonfictional polar bears of the Arctic, is white. > You examine the river The water of this island has veins? I don't know. The description in the book goes into a lot of detail, but totally fails to convey any coherent image. I would reproduce that description here but I promised myself I wouldn't look at the text of the book while writing this game—and I, Edgar Allan Poe, always keep my promises. > You look at the egg The egg is very white! The black people are terrified of it. > You go west Canyon (Ambush) The chief and his retinue lead you white guys (and the one half-Indian guy) to a canyon. And then there's an ambush! The natives totally get the drop on you! And you and the half-Indian are separated from the others! Or the others all die maybe. And you end up in a cave!

[Themes: Adaptation, Edgar Allan Poe, literary, ships, sailing] > Look around Oh whoops! Like I was saying, you end up in a cave. This cave extends in various directions. You can see a half-Indian here. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: an egg a pickles

[Themes: Adaptation, male protagonist, adaptation, Antarctica, dog, Edgar Allan Poe, ocean] > Go downward The half-Indian guy follows you. As you walk through the cave, you notice that its passages take the form of a character of the ancient Ethiopian alphabet, although this surely is a coincidence. You end up in another cave. This cave extends in various directions. You can see a half-Indian here. > Go north The half-Indian guy follows you. This cave is also shaped like another Ethiopian letter. How odd! You end up in a third cave. This cave extends in various directions. You can see a half-Indian here. > You go to the east The half-Indian guy follows you. Another Ethiopian letter. Still, three coincidences in a row doesn't mean anything. Anyway you climb out of the cave! You are pursued by the natives! You take one of them captive and escape on one of their canoes! You paddle out into mysterious mist! The canoe floats through the white mist. You can see a half-Indian and a captive here. You feel uneasy. > You examine the mist It's all over the place. But it's not cold, even though you're supposedly near the south pole. > You examine captive He is incredibly terrified of how white everything is out here. Around now you find out that even his teeth are black. A white bird flies past, shrieking TEKELI-LI > You examine the bird They are freaky birds. More birds! TEKELI-LI TEKELI-LI > You show the egg to the bird You can only do that to something animate. > You ask the captive about the bird There is no reply. The canoe enters a whirlpool! > Wait Time passes. You are still going down the whirlpool! > You jump You jump on the spot. There's a white man in the center of the whirlpool! > You give the captive to the white man (first taking the captive) The white man doesn't seem interested. Now you're right up in on the white man! He is standing in the middle of the whirlpool. He is huge. He has a beard. He is totally white. He is beckoning you. beard. He is totally white. He is beckoning you.TEKELI-LI beard. He is totally white. He is beckoning you.TEKELI-LISo, at this point in the book, I (Edgar Allan Poe) explain that you (Arthur Gordon Pym) died before you could write down what happened next. You apparently survived your encounter with the white man, because you were around to write everything else in the story and then ask me to publish it under my own name, but obviously you should have died at that part of the story, so instead you died while writing it down. The story closes with this fantastic fake Bible quote, and while it was very important for me to not read any of the original story while writing this groundbreaking interactive version, I do want to make sure I reproduce this fake Bible quote correctly, so I'm going to break my rule and go look at the original version: "I have graven it within the hills, and my vengeance upon the dust within the rock."

[Themes: Science Fiction] Times are hard on Io. The bright and lively mining settlement you grew up surrounded by has faded and withered under the rule of the new Commander. Although life expectancy in the aluminium mines has never been more than a few months, the happy-go-lucky acceptance of this fact you used to know among the mining folk is gone. The stream of arrivals seems to be drying up, and huge parts of the settlement lie in ruins, dwelt in only by ghosts. It is at times like these that the accusing finger of the people inevitably turns to point at taxation, and the new taxes levied by Commander Brutus attract that finger like a lump of ore attracts an Ionian. It's hard to pin the blame for the decline directly on taxation, but since everyone hates the new Commander, it seems to be helping. Or at least, you thought it was. It was a source of hope - now you have an enemy in the Commander, a real, tangible adversary, whose defeat would bring back happiness and joy to the colony. You would give a heroic sendoff to the people's representative, who would venture bravely into the palace and seek out Brutus. You would wait pensively, hardly daring to hope, until the representative emerged with the news - the Commander had capitulated! Joy would be restored! But you'd never counted on the bastards electing you. An entry in SPEED-IF 2001 Copyright Adam Biltcliffe 2001 Town Square, Io Mining Colony Three Jupiter looms above you, huge and ominous, lord of planets, driving home the magnitude of your task. To the north is the great Palace of the Chihuahua family, old and encrusted with spires and ornamentation, whence Commander Brutus, last of the Chihuahua, rules the colony with an iron hand. To the west is the Guildhall of the Miners, filled with those you thought your remaining friends, those who just ejected you into the square to carry forth the torch of hope for the whole of your world. > About yourself As good-looking as ever. > Go west You can't go back in there now. You have been given a task, and you must fulfil it. > You go to the north Heavy-hearted, you climb the steps up the the palace doors, which swing open at your approach. So deep is your despondency that you barely notice until you are inside and the doors swing silently closed again with an air of greatest malevolence. You've never been inside the palace before, but strangely, instead of the sickening displays of wealth and shamelessness you were expecting, the abandoned air is even more prevalent here. Your footsteps and your voice echo in the empty hallway. The throne room is visible through an archway to the north. > Go north The throne room might once have been opulent, but like the rest of the palace, it is hung with sadness. Commander Brutus' great throne sits in the centre of the room. > You examine the throne A massive yet unadorned throne, constructed out of great blocks of aluminium. From here, the Commander rules over all of Io. > You sit on the throne As you touch the throne, hidden motors begin to whir. You leap back in surprise as the giant seat of power slides out of sight mysteriously, revealing a vertical tunnel leading downwards.

[Themes: Science Fiction] > You go downward Though no-one is in sight, your ears are racked by noises of industry such as you never thought you'd hear on Io again. Giant machinery roars in the distance from the passages leading north and east. > You go to the east The roar of the giant treadmills assails your ears as you look around this huge chamber. While the giant wheels spin in the darkness, you can make out some kind of control panel nearby. A passage leads back to the west. > You look at the panel This aluminium panel sports a bewildering array of levers and buttons. > You pull the lever As you touch the panel, a hideous groan emanates from the giant treadmills. Gloomy shapes move through the darkness, striking each other in showers of sparks. There is a long, drawn-out squeal, a few confused noises from the creatures in the treadmills, and then utter silence. The treadmills have stopped. > You press the button The control panel is utterly inert.

[Themes: Science Fiction] > Look around The giant treadmills loom silently and motionlessly in the darkness. A passage to the west beckons. > Go west The silence is eerie. Passages lead north and east. > Go north You head down the passage and emerge into a huge open chamber. Suddenly, hidden generators whine and the room is flooded with light again, illuminating the figure of Commander Brutus towering above you. "An intruder!" he cackles. "But how very perfectly timed! You shall be the first to witness my great triumph! Revel in this honour, for not much life remains to you in which to do so!" Brutus paces around in a circle atop the dais. "They never suspected, the fools! They thought that since I was the youngest, I was expendable! They sent me into the aluminium mines to die with all the commoners, to show that the great Chihuahua family was not above the humble day-to-day life-and-death struggle of the common miner. They thought they would never see me again! But HOW WRONG THEY WERE!" Brutus pauses. One thing is explained at least; the aluminium fumes have evidently destroyed his brain. He draws himself up for another tirade. "They thought I was the cruel ruler!" he sneers. "They thought I was just out for money! They never suspected that one day I would RULE THE UNIVERSE! I, with the aid of my terrible army of robot croutons, shall rise up and crush all the puny ants who oppose me beneath my aluminium toecaps!" As Brutus falls silent, you sense movement, and look down to see the tide of croutonic metal figures advancing upon you. Brutus leaps down from the dais and is lost among their number. The croutons swarm towards you. > You look at the croutons An army of metallic croutons advances upon you, destruction in their eyes and in their aluminium hearts. The croutons are drawing closer. > You eat the croutons (first taking the robot crouton army) The robot army advances implacably. The robot crouton army is almost upon you! > Attack croutons You could never hope to destroy even one. The robot crouton army is almost upon you! > Go south The silence is eerie. Passages lead north and east. The robot croutons pursue you with murder in their little crouton eyes. > You take the crouton The robot army advances implacably. The robot croutons show not the slightest bit of recognition as you are sliced into pieces by their irresistable advance. > Go east As you flee desperately down the passage towards the power plant, some sixth sense tells you that something is about to happen. You throw yourself into a tiny crevice in the wall of the passage, just as the huge army of yaksters, broken free from the treadmill, come cascading down the tunnel in an almightly horde. Looking back past the stream of rumbling animals, you see the lead croutons stop in their tracks, fear flickering in their previously emotionless eyes just for a fraction of a second before they are crushed to smithereens. All is silent. The yaksters are gone, the robots are destroyed. Brutus' body lies in the midst of his robot horde, barely recognisable. The tyrannical insane ruler is dead, prosperity shall reign on Io once more. It is, in fact, a happy ending.

[Themes: Prison Drama, based on songs, gender-neutral protagonist, adaptation, prison, escape, mathematics] Standard interpreter 1.0 (6b) / Library serial number 080126 Standard Rules version 2/090402 by Graham Nelson Common Game Code by Eggerich Von Eggermond Basic Screen Effects version 7 by Emily Short You are in a prison that has 32767 cells. The Guv' has said that a new policy has been brought in by the Gov'. Due to prison crowding they're offering every prisoner the chance to be freed. In order to decide who gets set free, The Guv' will ask each prisoner which cell they choose. The prisoner will then be escorted to that cell where they will spend the night. During the night, a piece of card will be attached to each cell door on which will be written the word "keep" on one side and the word "release" on the other. The piece of card will start off with the word "keep" visible. The Guv' will turn around every piece of card so that the word "release" is now visible. Afterwards every second piece of card will be turned then every third and so on until the last card has been turned. "I don't make the rules," he says, "I only go to ridiculous lengths to enforce them." If at dawn when all the cards have been turned, the word "keep" is visible on a cell door, its prisoner will be forced to live out the rest of their sentence, but if the word "release" is visible on a cell door, its prisoner will be released. "Alright, you little oik," says The Guv',"which cell is it going to be?" [Author's Note: You have been imprisoned but your crime can't have been that bad, as they're giving you a chance to escape- if you're smart enough! A one move parole board for Apollo 18+20: The IF Tribute Album.]

[Themes: Prison Drama, prison, escape] > 1 Picking a number at random, you tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "one" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. When the blindfold is removed, you blink as you see the light of day. No sooner do you see the light, than a fiddle is thrust into your grubby fingertips. "Alright," says The Guv', "what we didn't tell you is that you'll have to spend out the rest of your sentence as an unattributed spare band member for They Might Be Giants. > 2 Picking a number at random, you tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "two" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. For saying the first thing that came to mind, you are brought out into the yard just in time to see dozens of your fellow inmates freed. They've even given some of them instruments! > 4 Picking a number at random, you tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "four" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. When the blindfold is removed, you blink as you see the light of day. No sooner do you see the light, than a recorder is thrust into your grubby fingertips. "Alright," says The Guv', "what we didn't tell you is that you'll have to spend out the rest of your sentence as an unattributed spare band member for They Might Be Giants. > 9 Picking a number at random, you tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "nine" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. When the blindfold is removed, you blink as you see the light of day. No sooner do you see the light, than a sousaphone is thrust into your grubby fingertips. "Alright," says The Guv', "what we didn't tell you is that you'll have to spend out the rest of your sentence as an unattributed spare band member for They Might Be Giants. > 16 Picking a number at random, you tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "sixteen" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. When the blindfold is removed, you blink as you see the light of day. No sooner do you see the light, than a banjo is thrust into your grubby fingertips. "Alright," says The Guv', "what we didn't tell you is that you'll have to spend out the rest of your sentence as an unattributed spare band member for They Might Be Giants. > 25 Picking a number at random, you tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "twenty-five" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. When the blindfold is removed, you blink as you see the light of day. No sooner do you see the light, than a keyboard is thrust into your grubby fingertips. "Alright," says The Guv', "what we didn't tell you is that you'll have to spend out the rest of your sentence as an unattributed spare band member for They Might Be Giants. > 32761 Picking a number at random, you tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "thirty-two thousand, seven hundred and sixty-one" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. When the blindfold is removed, you blink as you see the light of day. No sooner do you see the light, than a accordion is thrust into your grubby fingertips. "Alright," says The Guv', "what we didn't tell you is that you'll have to spend out the rest of your sentence as an unattributed spare band member for They Might Be Giants. > You wait for a while Picking a number at random, you tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "eighteen thousand, seven hundred and twenty-three" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. For saying the first thing that came to mind, you are brought out into the yard just in time to see dozens of your fellow inmates freed. They've even given some of them instruments! > One You tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "one" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. When the blindfold is removed, you blink as you see the light of day. No sooner do you see the light, than a bass is thrust into your grubby fingertips. "Alright," says The Guv', "what we didn't tell you is that you'll have to spend out the rest of your sentence as an unattributed spare band member for They Might Be Giants. > One You tell The Guv' that you choose cell number "one" to spend the night in. You are then escorted to that cell where spend a restless night, worrying over whether your maths was right. Early next morning, The Guv' comes in and takes ahold of your hand. You get an eerie sensation that all your troubles are just beginning. You are then blindfolded and led away from the cell. When the blindfold is removed, you blink as you see the light of day. No sooner do you see the light, than a trombone is thrust into your grubby fingertips. "Alright," says The Guv', "what we didn't tell you is that you'll have to spend out the rest of your sentence as an unattributed spare band member for They Might Be Giants.

Type ABOUT for information about this ridiculous thing. It is pitch black. The only sound is an electrical hum. [Author's Note: Darkness. It is pitch black. The only sound is an electrical hum.]

> You listen What a curious sound. Maddeningly amplified by the walls of this chamber. You can hardly stand it. > Inventory in between. I went with the former restriction, just for fun. Note: fun not guaranteed. Offer not valid in Texas. > Nothing else You will need to be more specific. Try typing LOOK to get a description of your surroundings. To stop these messages entirely, type NOVICE OFF. > You turn on the lights I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway. Retrying as: >TURN ON Type UNDO if this isn't what you wanted to do, or CORRECT OFF to stop automatically correcting commands. (your mum's shoes) They're not something you can switch. > You look at nothing else You will need to be more specific. Try typing LOOK to get a description of your surroundings. > You look It is pitch black. The only sound is an electrical hum. > You remove the shoes Not on your life. You've safely kept these shoes for 27 years and you're not about to let them out of your sight. > You go east You'll have to get out of the tanning bed first. > You open bed The humming noise mercifully stops. Tanning Salon (in the tanning bed) The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best. Your discarded clothing lies in a heap on the floor. > You open the bed That's already open. > You look at the clothing Your clothes are all wrinkly and yecch. > You get the clothing You quickly gather up your clothes. > Wear clothing You feel much more at ease with your wardrobe properly arranged on your person. This even despite its present condition. Hold, what's this in your pocket? > Wear clothing You're already wearing those! > You examine pocket In the pockets, you find a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica, a pair of carved bone dice, a single chopstick, a small can of liver paté, four small smooth stones, and a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur. > You examine dice They currently display 0 and 0. > You roll the dice You roll a 1 and a 2. > You play it A very unfortunate sound blares from the harmonica. > Sing Your singing is abominable. > You examine liver You see nothing special about the small can of liver paté. > You eat the stone That's plainly inedible. > You eat the liver You eat the small can of liver paté. Not bad. > You go outside You get out of the tanning bed. The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best. You can see a pair of carved bone dice and a tanning bed (empty) here. > You exit the bed I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway. Retrying as: >EXIT Wrightsville Town Shopping Center Bleh. Capitalistic excess at its worst. The Video Head shop hawks its degenerate wares to the west; a corporate paint shop sells overpriced colors (colors!) to the south; the tanning salon is north and the food court is east. > You guess we are a the goat You typed a rather long command and I didn't understand it. It's better to stick to simpler things like TAKE SMALL SMOOTH STONE. > You get the dice and the bed I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway. Retrying as: >GET DICE You can't see any such thing.

> Look around Bleh. Capitalistic excess at its worst. The Video Head shop hawks its degenerate wares to the west; a corporate paint shop sells overpriced colors (colors!) to the south; the tanning salon is north and the food court is east. > Go north The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best. You can see a pair of carved bone dice and a tanning bed (empty) here. > You look at what you're carrying with you You possess: a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur four small smooth stones > You get the dice and the bed a small can of liver paté a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: some dissheveled clothing your mum's shoes pair of carved bone dice: Taken. tanning bed: That's fixed in place. > Go east A dozen garish illuminated signs advertise overcooked and overpriced foods from various stalls. Out of all of them, there's only one place here in which you would be caught dead. The familiar golden arches beckon onwards. > You go to the east You dutifully take your place in line. McDonalds (in line) The thoughts of has occured here in days gone by and what will occur in the imminent future fill you with a warm feeling of contentment. This is good. You can see a cashier here. > Cashier She is wearing a T-shirt reading "I killed my father and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" and a dull expression. A woman and three even larger children waddle to the nearest table, bags of food in tow. Disgusting. > You eat cashier (first taking the cashier) I don't suppose the cashier would care for that. A tall, thin man takes his salad and practically sprints to a table in the middle of the dining area. Deplorable. > Wait Time passes. At last, your turn has arrived. "How may I take your order?" > No That was a rhetorical question. > No The cashier has better things to do. > You order food "That's not on the menu." The cashier points above her head. > You look at the menu The usual. Burgers, happy meals, shakes, salads, sodas... > You order happy Meal You wait a moment for your order to be prepared, then gleefully take the Happy Meal with you to your usual table in the back of the dining area. McDonalds (in the booth) The thoughts of has occured here in days gone by and what will occur in the imminent future fill you with a warm feeling of contentment. This is good. You can see a cashier here. > You go south You'll have to get out of the booth first. > You check your inventory You possess: a shake a pair of carved bone dice a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur four small smooth stones a small can of liver paté a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: some dissheveled clothing your mum's shoes > Happy Meal Enclosed in a delightful chatreuse box. > You eat happy Meal (first placing the shake on the table) Delicious. As you finish, you are overcome by an extreme feeling of dread. Suddenly, Tiny Tim bursts from the floor, destroying half of the dining area in an explosion of magma and ash. Your hair is nearly singed by a burning chunk of formica flying past your head. "LESLIE!" he screams, pointing at you. "Er... yes?" Most of the restaurant is a smoking crater. A few upturned tables and chairs are scattered around the perimeter. The roof is now open to the sky, which seems to be turning an unpleasant shade of red. The exit back to the mall has been blocked with what seems to be a stack of bodies. Tiny Tim hovers a foot off the crater floor, his long hair sticking out wildly in all directions. Dust and debris orbits slowly around him. A fallen brick lies close at hand. "LESLIE! I HAVE COME FOR YOU!" > You get the brick Taken. A sizable piece of the ceiling falls on the really rather poorly named former singer. He's stunned for a moment. > You look at the bodies The former McDonalds customers are piled here in front of the exit to the mall. You'll neer be able to move them in time. > You throw the brick at Tim Being struck by this latest weight proves too much for him to absorb the momentum of. He loses his balance and collapses to the ground in a pile of rubble. Most of the restaurant is a smoking crater. A few upturned tables and chairs are scattered around the perimeter. The roof is now open to the sky, which seems to be turning an unpleasant shade of red. The exit back to the mall has been blocked with what seems to be a stack of bodies. A large pile of rubble fills the crater. You can also see a brick here. > You examine the rubble (the pile of rubble) The pile of debris that was once a McDonalds reaches nearly to the ceiling. > You climb the rubble (the pile of rubble) You clamber up the side of the pile, nearly tripping as some bricks shift under your foot. At last you reach the top of the pile. Apocalypse (on the pile of rubble) Most of the restaurant is a smoking crater. A few upturned tables and chairs are scattered around the perimeter. The roof is now open to the sky, which seems to be turning an unpleasant shade of red. The exit back to the mall has been blocked with what seems to be a stack of bodies. From this vantage point, you notice a bent and twisted girder dangling from the hole in the ceiling. You can also see a brick here. > You look at the girder It lies just out of reach. > You get it It is too far below you. > You jump You manage to grab the girder and shimmy your way to freedom. You are standing on the very sparsely implemented roof of the shopping center. Vultures are still circling overhead in the quickly darkening sky. Every so often, a piece of debris or stream of dust falls from the great gaping hole in the roof. A large pyramidal skylight stands before you. > You jump You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. > You look at the skylight A geometric construction of steel and glass. > You look at the vulture A dozen or so vey large birds make lazy loops in the sky. > You enter the skylight How? > You check your inventory You possess: a pair of carved bone dice a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur four small smooth stones a small can of liver paté a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: some dissheveled clothing your mum's shoes > You break skylight That's far too dangerous. Perhaps if you used another implement... > You throw the stone at skylight You can't see any such thing. An impressive spray of glass falls to the floor below as the small smooth stone shatters the pyramidal skylight.

> You look at your surroundings You are standing on the very sparsely implemented roof of the shopping center. Vultures are still circling overhead in the quickly darkening sky. Every so often, a piece of debris or stream of dust falls from the great gaping hole in the roof. A large pyramidal skylight stands before you. > You examine the skylight A geometric construction of steel and glass. Rather more steel than glass, at the moment. > You jump through the skylight I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway. Retrying as: >JUMP You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. > You check your inventory You possess: a pair of carved bone dice a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur three small smooth stones a small can of liver paté a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: some dissheveled clothing your mum's shoes > You throw the stone at the skylight Futile. > You remove the clothing You take off the dissheveled clothing. > About yourself Tanned bronze. Ignoring for a moment what you're wearing, a fine physical specimen. > You give the can to the vulture You can only do that to something animate. > You get the vulture That's hardly portable. > Inventory You possess: a pair of carved bone dice a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur three small smooth stones a small can of liver paté a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica some dissheveled clothing You are wearing: your mum's shoes nothing else > You feed the vultures (to yourself) (first taking the birds) That's hardly portable. > Forward If you can see an object, you can usually just interact with it directly without worrying about your position. Try a command like EXAMINE SMALL SMOOTH STONE for a closer look at something, or LOOK to show the description of this location again. > You lie under the skylight If you can see an object, you can usually just interact with it directly without worrying about your position. Try a command like EXAMINE PYRAMIDAL SKYLIGHT for a closer look at something, or LOOK to show the description of this location again. > You examine the steel A geometric construction of steel and glass. Rather more steel than glass, at the moment. > You hit the can with the chopstick I only understood you as far as wanting to hit the small can of liver paté. > You sit on the skylight How? > Wave can You look ridiculous waving the small can of liver paté. > You look ridiculous I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway. Retrying as: >LOOK Roof You are standing on the very sparsely implemented roof of the shopping center. Vultures are still circling overhead in the quickly darkening sky. Every so often, a piece of debris or stream of dust falls from the great gaping hole in the roof. A large pyramidal skylight stands before you. > Wave You wave, feeling foolish. > You take the glass That's fixed in place. > Break glass That's far too dangerous. Perhaps if you used another implement... > Inventory You possess: a pair of carved bone dice a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur three small smooth stones a small can of liver paté a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica some dissheveled clothing You are wearing: your mum's shoes nothing else > You remove the shoes Not on your life. You've safely kept these shoes for 27 years and you're not about to let them out of your sight. > You roll the dice (first taking the pair of carved bone dice) You roll a 1 and a 3. > You roll the dice (first taking the pair of carved bone dice) You roll a 1 and a 2. > You roll the dice (first taking the pair of carved bone dice) You roll a 2 and a 3. > You get dice Taken. > Bother Quite. > You throw yourself at skylight (first taking yourself) You are always self-possessed. > You look at the clothes Your clothes are all wrinkly and yecch. > You throw the clothes Dropped. > You tie the clothes together After a few minutes' work, you've created a decently long rope out of your own clothing. > You rub LIVER on the clothes I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway. Retrying as: >RUB LIVER You achieve nothing by this. > You look at rope It was once, an eternity ago, a quite fashionable wardrobe. Has it really come to this? Making fine clothing into arts and crafts as the world crumbles around you? > You tie the rope to the skylight You fix one end to the steel frame of the skylight and let the other end dangle down into the shopping center. > You climb the rope You rappel off the steel frame of the skylight and make about three handfulls worth of progress down into the mall before some piece of clothing gives way. You never did earn your knot-tying merit badge. Some time later, you come to... A cold wind blows through the ruins of the shopping center. Shards of glass, fallen bricks, and bodies litter the ground. The power is out, and you can barely see anything in the twilight. Every so often, an animal howls in the distance. Something seems disturbingly familiar about the smell of death and decay here. The only way that has not been ruined or blocked by debris is the Video Head shop, to the west. You can see a small smooth stone here. > You get the stone Taken. > You go west The electricity suddenly flickers on as you enter. Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray". A single, solitary copy of Doom III lies dejectedly in the back corner of the store. A pale man, reigning over all he sees from his perch behind the counter, sneers at your presence in his fine establishment. Wait. You realize, with dawning horror, that standing behind the counter is in fact not the Video Head clerk at all, but your evil twin! "Leslie, dear, what ARE you wearing?" > Smell twin You smell nothing unexpected. "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > You look at the Doom It's a cardboard box. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > Punch twin Deftly parried by the e-peen hammer. "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > You open the box You open the copy of Doom III, revealing a fine pewter space marine, some depleted uranium dog tags, an Official Doom III Strategy guide, an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide, a jewel case, an order form, and an ID code. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You get all from the bo I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway. Retrying as: >GET ALL copy of Doom III: Taken. e-peen hammer: That seems to belong to your evil twin. fine pewter space marine: Taken. depleted uranium dog tags: Taken. Official Doom III Strategy guide: Taken. Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide: Taken. jewel case: Taken. Doom III DVD: The jewel case isn't open. Making of Doom III Featurette DVD: The jewel case isn't open. order form: Taken. ID code: Taken. Sam chortles in glee. > You give the box to Sam You can't bring yourself to perform such a charitable act to your evil twin. Perhaps in a less direct manner... Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You ask Sam about her feelings There is no reply. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You put the box on the counter "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the copy of Doom III off of the counter. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You look at Sam Yes, it's none other than your evil twin Sam, menacing with an e-peen hammer! How monstrous, the duplicity! How devious, the deception! How terrible, the fashion sense! Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > Kiss sam Keep your mind on the game. "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > You play harmonica A very unfortunate sound blares from the harmonica. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > Hammer You see nothing special about the e-peen hammer. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You check your inventory You possess: an ID code an order form a jewel case (closed) a Doom III DVD a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide an Official Doom III Strategy guide some depleted uranium dog tags a fine pewter space marine four small smooth stones a pair of carved bone dice a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur a small can of liver paté a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: your mum's shoes nothing else Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You look at the form "Register your game now!" Somehow it doesn't seem like a very urgent task, at the moment. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > Open case You open the jewel case. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You examine the code "To access the special unique Collector's Edition-only weapon in single- and multi-player, log on with this code on the following website: ..." You eyes are already starting to glaze over. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You roll the dice You roll a 1 and a 5. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > Official Guide You see nothing special about the Official Doom III Strategy guide. "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > Unofficial You see nothing special about the Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You look at the case In the jewel case are a Doom III DVD and a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You give the dice to the twin (first taking the pair of carved bone dice) You can't bring yourself to perform such a charitable act to your evil twin. Perhaps in a less direct manner... Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating!

> You describe your surroundings Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray". Your evil twin leers at you from behind the counter. You can also see a copy of Doom III (empty) and a counter here. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You examine Doom III DVD Which do you mean, the Doom III DVD or the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD? > You show the dice to the twin Your evil twin is unimpressed. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You put the dice on the counter "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the pair of carved bone dice off of the counter. "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > You throw dice at the twin (first taking the pair of carved bone dice) Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the pair of carved bone dice harmlessly into the air. Sam chortles in glee. > You put all on the counter pair of carved bone dice: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the pair of carved bone dice off of the counter. ID code: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the ID code off of the counter. order form: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the order form off of the counter. jewel case: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the jewel case off of the counter. Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide off of the counter. Official Doom III Strategy guide: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the Official Doom III Strategy guide off of the counter. depleted uranium dog tags: "I do so love dress-up!" Your evil twin takes the depleted uranium dog tags and tries them on, practically giddy with excitement. fine pewter space marine: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the fine pewter space marine off of the counter. small smooth stone: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the small smooth stone off of the counter. resin-encased quantity of hare's fur: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the resin-encased quantity of hare's fur off of the counter. small smooth stone: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the small smooth stone off of the counter. small smooth stone: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the small smooth stone off of the counter. small smooth stone: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the small smooth stone off of the counter. small can of liver paté: Sam promptly wolfs down the small can of liver paté, completely unselfconsciously. It's really a disgusting sight. single chopstick: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the single chopstick off of the counter. genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica: "How utterly boring. Can't you find something more interesting?" Sam swats the genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica off of the counter. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You examine tags Supposedly stamped from real depleted uranium. The number on the dog tags is ALK-1360053. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You take all genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica: Taken. single chopstick: Taken. small smooth stone: Taken. small smooth stone: Taken. small smooth stone: Taken. resin-encased quantity of hare's fur: Taken. small smooth stone: Taken. fine pewter space marine: Taken. Official Doom III Strategy guide: Taken. Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide: Taken. jewel case: Taken. order form: Taken. ID code: Taken. pair of carved bone dice: Taken. copy of Doom III: Taken. Doom III DVD: Taken. Making of Doom III Featurette DVD: Taken. e-peen hammer: That seems to belong to your evil twin. Sam chortles in glee. > Examine sam Yes, it's none other than your evil twin Sam, menacing with an e-peen hammer! How monstrous, the duplicity! How devious, the deception! How terrible, the fashion sense! Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You examine tags Supposedly stamped from real depleted uranium. The number on the dog tags is ALK-1360053. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You sit on the counter That's not something you can sit down on. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > Play What do you want to play? > You examine Making You see nothing special about the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You examine the twin Yes, it's none other than your evil twin Sam, menacing with an e-peen hammer! How monstrous, the duplicity! How devious, the deception! How terrible, the fashion sense! "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > You examine the marine It's a toy soldier. How quaint. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You kill twin Deftly parried by the e-peen hammer. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You play the the copy of Doom Not possible. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You play Doom III DVD Which do you mean, the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD or the Doom III DVD? > Both Sorry, you can only have one item here. Which exactly? > Play making of Not possible. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You throw the stone at the twin Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the small smooth stone harmlessly into the air. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You look at the game Which do you mean, the Doom III DVD or the copy of Doom III? > You look at the game dvd You see nothing special about the Doom III DVD. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You play it Not possible. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > Play game dvd Not possible. Sam chortles in glee.

> You look around Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray". Your evil twin leers at you from behind the counter. You can also see a counter here. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You check what you're carrying You possess: a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD a Doom III DVD a copy of Doom III (open but empty) a pair of carved bone dice an ID code an order form a jewel case (open but empty) an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide an Official Doom III Strategy guide a fine pewter space marine four small smooth stones a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: your mum's shoes nothing else Sam chortles in glee. > You throw dice at the twin Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the pair of carved bone dice harmlessly into the air. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You look at the marine It's a toy soldier. How quaint. "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > You ask the twin about the store There is no reply. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You get the tags Those seem to belong to your evil twin. Sam chortles in glee. > You throw the code at the twin Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the ID code harmlessly into the air. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You throw the chopstick at twin Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the single chopstick harmlessly into the air. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You get all e-peen hammer: That seems to belong to your evil twin. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > Go east A cold wind blows through the ruins of the shopping center. Shards of glass, fallen bricks, and bodies litter the ground. The power is out, and you can barely see anything in the twilight. Every so often, an animal howls in the distance. Something seems disturbingly familiar about the smell of death and decay here. The only way that has not been ruined or blocked by debris is the Video Head shop, to the west. > Smell Ah, yes. The old familiar scent of evil. You can almost remember -- what IS that? > You look at the bodies Shopped til they dropped. > You check what you're carrying You possess: a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD a Doom III DVD a copy of Doom III (open but empty) a pair of carved bone dice an ID code an order form a jewel case (open but empty) an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide an Official Doom III Strategy guide a fine pewter space marine four small smooth stones a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: your mum's shoes nothing else > You search the bodies You hear nothing unexpected. You find nothing of interest. > Go west Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray". Your evil twin leers at you from behind the counter. You can also see a counter here. Sam chortles in glee. > You examine the counter An unassuming gray crescent extending down half the length of the store. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You look at the counter An unassuming gray crescent extending down half the length of the store. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You look behind the counter What do you know. They are indeed fine Italian leather imports. "Whoa, keep your eyes on the prize!" The pale man directs your gaze upwards. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You show the fur to the twin Your evil twin is unimpressed. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You look up You see nothing unexpected in that direction. Sam chortles in glee. > You climb the counter I don't think much is to be achieved by that. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You throw Making at the twin Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD harmlessly into the air. Sam chortles in glee. > You check what you're carrying You possess: a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD a Doom III DVD a copy of Doom III (open but empty) a pair of carved bone dice an ID code an order form a jewel case (open but empty) an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide an Official Doom III Strategy guide a fine pewter space marine four small smooth stones a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: your mum's shoes nothing else "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > You talk to Sam If you're trying to talk to someone, you might try ASK TWIN ABOUT something, the traditional conversation syntax. Type ABOUT to see if this story offers more detailed instructions for conversation. > You read unofficial You see nothing special about the Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide. Sam chortles in glee. > You ask Sam about the armageddon There is no reply. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You ask the TWIN about the play There is no reply. "You know what, Leslie, I think we've been too hard on each other over the years. How about a truce?" Sam pauses for a second, but before you can respond: "Well, that was fun! What do you want to play now?" > You examinthe e-peen hammer You see nothing special about the e-peen hammer. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You ask Sam about Tiny Tim There is no reply. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You ask the TWIN about the game There is no reply. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You ask Sam about Sam There is no reply. Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You hit Sam Deftly parried by the e-peen hammer. Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You play the game Which do you mean, the Doom III DVD or the copy of Doom III? > You check your inventory You possess: a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD a Doom III DVD a copy of Doom III (open but empty) a pair of carved bone dice an ID code an order form a jewel case (open but empty) an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide an Official Doom III Strategy guide a fine pewter space marine four small smooth stones a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: your mum's shoes nothing else Your twin crushes a fly that had landed on the counter. Now we can add animal cruelty to the list of atrocities comitted. > You throw Making at Sam Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Making of Doom III Featurette DVD harmlessly into the air. > You check what you're carrying Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. You possess: a Making of Doom III Featurette DVD a Doom III DVD a copy of Doom III (open but empty) a pair of carved bone dice an ID code an order form a jewel case (open but empty) an Unofficial Doom III Strategy Guide an Official Doom III Strategy guide a fine pewter space marine four small smooth stones a resin-encased quantity of hare's fur a single chopstick a genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica You are wearing: your mum's shoes nothing else Your evil twin twirls an imaginary moustache. The fiend! > You throw the stone at Sam Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the small smooth stone harmlessly into the air. Sam chortles in glee. > You throw game dvd at Sam Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the Doom III DVD harmlessly into the air. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You throw the dice at Sam Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the pair of carved bone dice harmlessly into the air. Your evil twin takes a product from one of the shelves and dropkicks it out the door. "Not that I don't appreciate this fine establishment, but you know what they say: if you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall!" Deplorable. > You throw the harmonica at Sam Wielding the hammer like a tennis racket, Sam bats the genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica harmlessly into the air. Sam does that eyeball thing that you hate. So aggravating! > You put the shoes on the counter (your mum's shoes on the counter) (first taking them off) Desperate times call for desperate measures. Your evil twin watches intently as you unlace and remove your darling mother's shoes. "Those... why, those are..." Your evil twin takes your mum's shoes and tries them on, practically giddy with excitement. Sam looks absolutely ridiculous wearing the dog tags and mother's favorite shoes. A fact which your pointedly point out. Eyes wide, Sam runs screaming out into the night. Great. Now you need a ride home. > You open bed The humming noise mercifully stops. Tanning Salon (in the tanning bed) The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best. Your discarded clothing lies in a heap on the floor. > You exit the bed I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway. Retrying as: >EXIT Type UNDO if this isn't what you wanted to do, or CORRECT OFF to stop automatically correcting commands. To stop these messages entirely, type NOVICE OFF. You get out of the tanning bed. The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best. Your discarded clothing lies in a heap on the floor. You can also see a tanning bed (empty) here. > Novice off Novice mode disabled. > You take all dissheveled clothing: You quickly gather up your clothes. genuine 1932 Shiny Time brass harmonica: Taken. pair of carved bone dice: Taken. single chopstick: Taken. small can of liver paté: Taken. small smooth stone: Taken. small smooth stone: Taken. small smooth stone: Taken. small smooth stone: Taken. resin-encased quantity of hare's fur: Taken. > You get the clothes You feel much more at ease with your wardrobe properly arranged on your person. This even despite its present condition. Hold, what's this in your pocket? You already have those. > Go west Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray". A single, solitary copy of Doom III lies dejectedly in the back corner of the store. A pale man, reigning over all he sees from his perch behind the counter, sneers at your presence in his fine establishment. > You get Doom III The pale man sneers even harder. "You think I would let someone like you even touch such an artifact? It's a collector's edition, the super-rare "Ultraviolent" release. Only 25 of these were ever produced. Fine pewter space marine, depleted uranium dog tags, official and unofficial strategy guide, and the Making-of featurette, AND an extra weapon you can equip in both single and multiplayer." He looks you up and down, slowly, exhaustively, as if he was mentally cataloging every atom. "No. You wouldn't appreciate it." > You look at the man Two eyes; one nose; one mouth; two ears; two arms; two legs; far too much hair. He wears a smart blue button-down shirt and deep red tie, khaki pants and a black belt. You can't see from back here, but you imagine his shoes must be fine Italian leather imports. The presentation is ruined by the cheap name tag sticker over his shirt pocket. > You examine the sticker HELLO my name is bOb S. > Kiss man Keep your mind on the game. > You get the sticker That seems to belong to Bob. > You look Rows and rows of vapid entertainment titles fill every square foot of this drab, depressing store. The full extent of the design imperative in decorating this place was apparently "gray". A single, solitary copy of Doom III lies dejectedly in the back corner of the store. Bob, reigning over all he sees from his perch behind the counter, sneers at your presence in his fine establishment. > You get Doom Bob looks you up and down, slowly, exhaustively, as if he was mentally cataloging every atom. "No. You wouldn't appreciate it." > You go east Bleh. Capitalistic excess at its worst. The Video Head shop hawks its degenerate wares to the west; a corporate paint shop sells overpriced colors (colors!) to the south; the tanning salon is north and the food court is east. > You go to the north The walls feature a few posters of smiling tanned blonde people walking down streets, along beaches, eating ice cream, etc. The room itself is fairly cold and uninviting. You can get back to the shopping center through the hall to the south, and perhaps that would be for the best. You can see a tanning bed (empty) here. > You enter the bed Oh, no. You've had quite enough of that. Any longer and you'd develop a crick in your back, and you wouldn't be confortable again all day. > You close the bed You close the tanning bed. > You look at the shoes Ah, yes. You had, not two hours ago whilst bathing (and truly: is that not always the most productive time for cogitation?) an utterly marvelous idea. You would acquire a tan while adorned with your dearest mother's dearest shoes, lying on a beach and sipping from a tall glass of coconut cream spritzer until the point at which you would drift off into serenely dizziful bliss, awakening to find impressed upon your pliant skin the intricate interlocking paisley pattern of wistful bygone years. But there's no goddamn sun in winter here in Finland so you had to go with plan B.

[Themes: Science Fiction] The emergency siren wakes you from uneasy dreams. What's going on? You dimly recall the scientists are examining the results of project LOVIATAR. Something must've gone wrong. You are in the sleeping quarters. This room is very white and very clean. Your space bunk is here. THE EMERGENCY SIREN BLARES! [Author's Note: Paul is at the perfect party! But someone is missing...]

[Themes: Science Fiction] > About yourself You are Xonathan Xask, janitor 3rd class on Space Station Ollster III in the year 2578. Your life has been miserable and uneventful so far, but you have a feeling that is about to change. > You go north This corridor is incredibly clean, and incredibly white. The future is awesome. The corridor ends to the northeast at a door marked in Chinese, and continues to the southwest. There is a huge window here, looking out on Mercury. THE EMERGENCY SIREN BLARES! > You examine the window Mercury looks small and grey, especially compared to the unbelievably massive sun behind it. > You go northeast (first opening Chinese door) There is a thick, plasteel bulkhead door in the east wall here, complete with a viewing window. The corridor continues to the north, but the pulsing red light and the annoying WOOP-WOOP make it pretty clear that the emergency is here. THE EMERGENCY SIREN BLARES! The emergency door release button is glowing blue. > You look at the window The scene is horrifying: The octagonal box containing Loviatar, stands on the steel table, but it's broken. Drs. von Behring, Ross and Finsen lie on the ground, convulsing, screaming and foaming at the mouth. You need to get them to the med bay, quick! > About yourself You're wearing golden, faux-leather t-shirt and skintight black jeans. You've have your highlights redone for this party and sincerely hope Alex will notice this time. > You look A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (You only call it "The Potter Room".) It's perfect. A piece of string has come undone from the carpet. > You pull the string Nothing obvious happens. > You examine the string It's a piece of string from your hallway carpet, the ugly one Alex bought that depicts a prancing bear. > You get it Taken. > Inside Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. A perfect, cozy little room. A dusty novelty beard lies on one of the shelves. > You examine the beard Alex gave it to you as a present, so, he said, your sister could play his beard more convincingly. > You examine the tools You don't need to repair anything. Everything is perfect. > Outside A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (You only call it "The Potter Room".) It's perfect. > You go east Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south. Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about how continuity can often be confusing to new players. A discarded roll of "fish breath breath mints" lies here. > You examine the mints There is but one mint left. Before you waste your time on >eat, it will just tell you that you have the feeling you need it for a special occasion. > You eat the mint You gulp down the mint. Oh, that's right! YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO FISH! YOU DIE IN HORRIBLE AGONY! > You go south The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. On the counter next to the sink sits your laptop. Cables connect it to some small speakers, providing music. The choice of music is perfect. A mp3-player is lying on the counter. > You look at food Looks perfect. > You examine the player An old mp3, player, which seems to have only one file on it. The mp3-player is currently switched off. > You examine the laptop The laptop is empty. > Go south Your parents were rather fond of this. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a golf course (You find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) Some rocks lie around here. They look perfect. A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the perfect afternoon glow. There is a small, perfect swimming pool here. > You examine the rocks Some perfect rocks, from deep inside the mountains near here. > You examine the people They're perfect people.You can't see Alex or Dana, your two favorite people. > You look at the pool The water looks clear, perfect. > You enter the pool You have a feeling it will be cold, but as you dip a toe in, you find it's the perfect temperature. Still, you don't feel like swimming. After all, it might be a bit much to expect an implemented swimming pool that has no bearing on the plot, you reason quite rationally. > You examine the wall This wall has seperated your house from the golf course for all eternity. It looks ... weirdly ... like a border. > You go north The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. On the counter next to the sink sits your laptop. Cables connect it to some small speakers, providing music. The choice of music is perfect. > Go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south. Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about Texture. > Go west A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (You only call it "The Potter Room".) It's perfect. > Go upwards You'll go upstairs once the party is over. With Alex. It's gonna be perfect. > You go east You finally run into the guy dressed as a green-eyed alien. All three look at you wearily. "They got you too, eh? Where you from? Earth, I guess? You have all these weird inside eyes." "Who's in there, Dana?" "Listen, I'm kinda on the run from the Time Rangers, can you hold on this for me?" "Sure, but ... who are you? And what is this? I thought this was my house?" The alien looks at you humourlessly, or maybe you're just bad at reading alien faces. "You are as far from your house as you can possibly be, kitten." You look at the small blue container, shaped, it seems, like an oversized tampon. The alien points at it with a three-fingered hand. "That's the last destronium in existence. And I want it back. Name's Zaxnor the Galaxy Destroyer.We'll see each other later." And with that, he's gone. What a shameless sequel hook, you muse to yourself. > Inventory You are carrying: a vial some rocks a mp3-player a roll of mints a women's novelty beard a string > You look at vial A vial, labelled DESTRONIUM - don't move at more than 4x llightspeed. Don't feed to Xragulians, no matter how much they ask for it. Don't ingest if you're alive by Galactic Standard defintion 4. Safe to ingest for being by Galactic definitions 1-3. Volatile if thrown." Guys usually tell you you're a 7-8, so better no ingest it. > You open the front door Something is really wrong here. You're not worried too much, though - no matter what TV shows or moralistic sci-fi stories tell you, living in a perfect place isn't that bad. But that alien clearly was some sort of outisider, talking down to you about something. And neither Dana nor Alex are here, and that worries you quite a bit. So, you open the door. You look up and down your street, as you've done ten thousand times. Nothing special. Then you notice a letter at your feet. Man, who doesn't text in this day and age? You pick it up and close the door. > You read the letter It's from Darna, who was probably mentioned here and there - your old friend Darna Elbe, first transgender temperologist.It simply reads: IT'S A SIMULATION. PLEASE REJECT IT! I LEFT SOMETHING FOR ALEX IN THE POTTER ROOM - All my love, Dana. P.S. Sorry I can't do more, but there wasn't enough time to code my plotline. > You examine the beard Alex gave it to you as a present, so, he said, your sister could play his beard more convincingly. > You go east Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south. Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about how hard video syncing is. > You go to the south The main feature of this room is the impressive glass door, which leads south, to the pool. All benches and counters are weighted down with random food stuff, brought by the party goers. Of course, there are more people here than in the living room. On the counter next to the sink sits your laptop. Cables connect it to some small speakers, providing music. The choice of music is perfect. > You get the laptop That's fixed in place. > Go south Your parents were rather fond of this. It's surrounded by some deck-chairs. The eastern and western garden walls are overgrown with undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan. This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a golf course (You find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless.) A small flock of people is lying around in the deck-chairs, most of them still dressed, waving drinks and mumbling to each other in the perfect afternoon glow. There is a small, perfect swimming pool here. > Go south Boink! You run into the wall. > You climb the wall You can't quite say why, but you don't feel like you can climb the wall yet. Maybe ... maybe there is something you need to do beforehand? > Inventory You are carrying: a letter a vial some rocks a mp3-player a roll of mints a women's novelty beard a string > You throw rocks at the wall Futile. > You go north Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south. Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about how continuity can often be confusing to new players. > Inside Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. On them, some useless tools gather dust. A perfect, cozy little room. A brown package has appeared here. It's labelled FOR ALEX.But Alex isn't here. Nor do you know where he might be. > You look at the package In the package is a plasma gatling. > You examine it Oh, Alex would love this! It's an Alien Tech (tm) high-powered plasma gatling gun. Alex talked to you about this, and you pretended to listen. As it fires about 400 slugs of superheated plasma per *second*, it's cooled by sodium fluoride and sodium tetrafluoroborate. What use such a gun is in a world whose problems are mainly a lack of collaboration is anyone's guess, but you couldn't deny Alex' childish glee when talking about weapons. This thing looks dangerous, it would be very easy to SHOOT someone with it. It also has a single GRENADE for when you need to GRENADE multiple enemies at once. > You shoot yourself You don't have as many violent urges as Alex, thank god! A non-violent IF protagonist makes for a nice change. > You go east Before the party people invaded it, this was a spacious, cozy room. Now, you have to wade through thick smoke to escape either westwards to the hallway or to the k'itchen and the pool beyond to the south. Some people sit on the two perfectly comfortable couches, sharing joints and talking about the upcoming Citizen Kane prequels. > You shoot the people You hesitate for a moment. There are all your friends, and 2 or so acquaintances of Alex. You'd really hate to shoot them! Alex is usually the one who does the killing in the house. Well, it can't be helped. You level the plasma gatling at them. Luckily, and Alex showed you a long and boring and badly shot YouTube video on this, the gatling speds up extremely fast. It takes all put 2 seconds to completely obliterate your living room and everyone in it. Gee, you sure hope that letter wasn't a prank. > You shoot the people You hesitate for a moment. There are all your friends, and 1 or so acquaintances of Alex. You'd really hate to shoot them! Alex is usually the one who does the killing in the house. Well, it can't be helped. You level the plasma gatling at them. Luckily, and Alex showed you a long and boring and badly shot YouTube video on this, the gatling speds up extremely fast. It takes all put 2 seconds to completely obliterate your garden and everyone in it. Oh no, looks like there was one survivor! > You look The smoldering ruins of your garden. A cute little corgi sits here. There is a small, perfect swimming pool here. > You look at the corgi Aw! So cute! > You shoot corgi It has to be done! Luckily, the plasma gatling is quite excessive and there is only a smouldering, toxic green patch left. > You climb the wall You finally feel able to climb the wall. You scramble over it and find yourself in ... A small, dark green, squat creature stands here. > You talk to it You can only do that to something animate. > You talk to the creature "Hello, Paul." says the Alien in a friendly voice. "Hello, where am I, who are you, etc., you probably now the drill" you say, surprised at your own rudeness. But of course. You see, when Alex, the scourge of all of Time, confronted the Queen of Hurts and Maladies at the end of the last er .... adventure, you and he were scattered across time and space. You ended up on Blubbertaria III, our homeworld." "Wait, if it's your homeworld why does it have a number? Wouldn't it just be Blubbertaria?" "We destroyed two planets before we didn't make climate change deniers world president anymore." You wince. "Anyway, my species has evolved so that we live on the happiness of others, so for the last few galactic years you were trapped in a simulation of your perfect day. Unfortunately, we aren't allowed to simulate the dead, so your husband, Alex, and Dana, your good friend, weren't there." "Sorry, but wait again, you feed off people's happiness by simulating a perfect life for them? I ... I want to say that's evil, but I'm actually not sure." "It is indeed a matter of great philosphical and judicial debate among the intelligent species of the galaxy, so nothing that concerns you. Er, no offense." "None taken. We humans are dum-dums." "I know. So, now that you broke the simulation, we can no longer feed on you. We've decided to turn you over to the Time Rangers (tm), given that your husband is the greatest criminal in all of known time and space (which is quite a lot)." "The greatest? That's so good for him, he finally developed some ambition, just like his therapist hoped." "I also hope you know you could've just destroyed the wall. These simulants felt real pain, especially the puppy. Ah, well, too bad. "Yes, well, goodbye." "There is a blinding pink flash and you find yourself in - of marble. A prominent banner hangs here, which reads "THE HISTORY OF ALEX - SCOURGE OF THE GALAXY" A blinking, 3D-animated arrow points se. Aw, look. His own exhibiton. How cute. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a plasma gatling a letter a vial some rocks a mp3-player a roll of mints a women's novelty beard a string > You go to the south-east There is a holoimage here of Alex, 4-5 metres (13.12 feet) high, on his knees, staring at a puddle in some forsaken valley under strange purple skies. His eyes glow red. Oh yeah! He was possessed by the spirit of your evil Uncle Wally. Looks like he didn't do all this evil things of his own volition. > You go to the south-east This holo image shows Alex, holding some sort of urn aloft triumphantly. The plaque informs you that Alex managed to banish the spirit of Evil Uncle Wally into the the magic Urn of GN-z11. Uh-oh. You can see a wikipedia printout here. > You look at the printout Gleipnir - Therefore, they commissioned the dwarves to forge a chain that was impossible to break. To create a chain to achieve the impossible, the dwarves fashioned the chain out of six supposedly impossible things: The sound of a cat's footfall The beard of a woman The roots of a mountain The sinews of a bear The breath of a fish The spittle of a bird > Go southeast This holo shows Alex, atop some abyss, his hand downs as if he'd just thrown something. The plaque informs you that, after not finding you, in anger he cast his wedding ring into the abyss of Wolf 1061c. Awww. He bought it, but that thing was kinda pricey. You look down at your own for a moment. > Go southeast This holo is full of minute details. It depicts a gargantuan space battle. You can't make out a clear winner, but it looks like one of them is a ragtag bunch of diverse ships, and the other is a bunch of ugly, organic looking ships. The plaque confirms what you suspected, that Alex amassed forces and fought and defeated the Queen of Hurts and Maladies, your old enemy, so weird of threatening but ill-defined entity. It also slyly hints at the fact that he continued a reign of terror throughout the galaxy, as this exhibition is continued in B-Wing "The war criminal years". > You go southeast A mechanical bird flies by, screeches, and loses a drop of oil from its beak. Hm. Looks like the future isn't so perfect after all. The exhibiton ends to the south of here. A single drop of oil lies here. There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully. There is a small plaque at the base. > You get it You put the drop of oil on your fingertip. Luckily, this game won't go into the logistics of handling other things. Taken. > You examine the statue It's from some very black, cold material. The plaque says that Alex had it made from the last Indestructium in existence. In it, he buried his greatest secret. > You look at vial A vial, labelled DESTRONIUM - don't move at more than 4x llightspeed. Don't feed to Xragulians, no matter how much they ask for it. Don't ingest if you're alive by Galactic Standard defintion 4. Safe to ingest for being by Galactic definitions 1-3. Volatile if thrown." Guys usually tell you you're a 7-8, so better no ingest it. > You throw vial at the statue You throw the last DESTRONIUM in existence, a thing of unimaginable historic and scientific value, (but also great potential for evil) at the statue! It sizzles! It hisses! Nothing happens. Then cracks appear all over the statue. But it doesn't fall apart. Dang. > Grenade statue You don't feel you need your one and only plasma grenade here. It's only applicable for taking out a number of dangerous individuals at once. > You look at the statue It's from some very black, cold material. The plaque says that Alex had it made from the last Indestructium in existence. In it, he buried his greatest secret.The statue has cracks all over. > You hit the statue Ouch! You hurt your fist. Looks like they didn't name it Indestructium for nothing, and even though it's cracked, your fists aren't enough. > You go to the south This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS." An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way to some exhibition or other. > Go south A featureless corridor. > You examine the cart An original 20th century golf cart. In the golf cart is a flat box. > You look at box It's a small, wooden box labelled "Return to Niðavellir by Bifröst". > You enter the cart You get into the golf cart. > You open the box It seems to be locked. > You enter the cart But you're already in the golf cart. > You go north THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 5 (in the golf cart) The exhibiton ends to the south of here. There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base. > You eat the cart That's plainly inedible. > You look at cart An original 20th century golf cart. > You go south Junction (in the golf cart) This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS." > You go to the south Corridor (in the golf cart) A featureless corridor.

> Unlock box What do you want to unlock the flat box with? > You turn on the mp3 player That's already on. > Inventory You are carrying: a flat box (closed and locked) a drop of oil (carried precariously on your fingertip) a wikipedia printout a plasma gatling a letter some rocks a mp3-player a roll of mints a women's novelty beard a string > Drop box Dropped. > Leave You get out of the golf cart. This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS." An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way to some exhibition or other. > Go north The exhibiton ends to the south of here. There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base. > Tie What do you want to tie? > You go to the north THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 5 (in the golf cart) The exhibiton ends to the south of here. There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base. You can also see a flat box (closed) here. > You go northwest Crack! You drive over the box, completely breaking it to splinters. Luckily, whatever was in it seems to be intact. THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 4 (in the golf cart) This holo is full of minute details. It depicts a gargantuan space battle. You can't make out a clear winner, but it looks like one of them is a ragtag bunch of diverse ships, and the other is a bunch of ugly, organic looking ships. The plaque confirms what you suspected, that Alex amassed forces and fought and defeated the Queen of Hurts and Maladies, your old enemy, so weird of threatening but ill-defined entity. It also slyly hints at the fact that he continued a reign of terror throughout the galaxy, as this exhibition is continued in B-Wing "The war criminal years". > Go southeast THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 5 (in the golf cart) The exhibiton ends to the south of here. There is a 5th dimensional forge here. There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base. > Go outside You get out of the golf cart. The exhibiton ends to the south of here. An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way to some exhibition or other. There is a 5th dimensional forge here. There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base. > You look at the forge The metal thing is some sort of device. It has a huge chute, which goes down into a long tunnel, at the bottom of which you seem to spot some ... lava? The forge is currently switched off. > You turn on the forge You flick the switch, and the forge beeps with an almost accusatory error sound. > You put the player in the forge You put the mp3-player in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss. > You put the rocks in the forge You put the rocks in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss. > You put string in forge You put the string in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss. > You put the mint in the forge You put the roll of mints in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss. > You put the oil in forge You put the drop of oil in the chute, and it evaporates with a weirdly comforting hiss. > You turn on the forge There is a cheerful series of three peeps, and something long and white and stringy shoots out of the chute at you. Eww. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a wikipedia printout a plasma gatling a letter

[Themes: Science Fiction] > You look around The exhibiton ends to the south of here. An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way to some exhibition or other. There is a 5th dimensional forge here. There is a statue here, an actual life-sized statue. It shows Alex, sitting cross-legged on a rock, looking thoughtfully.The statue has cracks all over. There is a small plaque at the base. You can also see Gleipnir here. > You examine Gleipnir Gleipnir is as thin as a silken ribbon and stronger than any iron chain. It was made to hold the Fenriswolf to delay Ragnarök, but you suppose it will work for your needs in the meantime. You idly wonder if this means that in this game world nothern mythology is true and how it will handle other world religions. > Tie Gleipnir to statue You tie Gleipnir to the statue. Now to find something for the other end... > Tie Gleipnir to cart You tie the other end of Gleipnir to the cart. > Go south You put the pedal to the medal! With an incredible 15 mph, you drive through the exhibition. CRACK! The statue breaks aparts, and something small catches your eye among the debris. Gleipnir snaps in half and dissapates. Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howls. Junction (in the golf cart) This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS." > Leave You get out of the golf cart. This is the intersection of two corridors. To the west is a exhibition called "QUEER ART 2100-2433". Unfortunately, it's closed. To the east is an an exhibition called "BEST FANFICTION OF THE 20th CENTURY. Fortunately, it's closed. The corridor to the south is blocked by a sign saying "ESCAPED JENNOSAURUS." An original 20th century golf cart stands here, obviously on the way to some exhibition or other. > Go north The exhibiton ends to the south of here. Something small lies aorund here. Bits and pieces of the statue lie around. There is a 5th dimensional forge here. > You examine small The name tag reads " Dr. Juliana F. Ross. MERCURY STATION MEDICAL RESEARCH. > You get the name tag So this is Alex' big secret? Some weird name tag? Maybe he is creepier than you thought? You're distracted by a loud -SWOOOOOSH- sound as a portal opens before you and someone shouts: "HALT! TIME RANGERS!" A woman in a ranger uniform and a man in an old-fashioned tweed suit jump out. You instinctinvely hide the name tag behind your back. "Hi" says the woman. "I'm Samantha, and this is my husband Jack. We are Time Rangers." "You just said we are, dear, and I'm just a consultant." "Yes, dear. We are here because you are the husband of the worst criminal of all times, and we need your help!" "Can I just say", says Jack, "that I'm really happy that your the hero for once? The fact that you were always the damsel in distress put a somewhat uncomfortable classic gender binary role dynamic on the way your marriage was portrayed." Samantha pats him on the back. "Yes, darling. Anway, Paul - can I call you Paul? Ten games in is a little late to invent a last name in any case - will you help us save the world from your husband?" "Sure" you say, "we just need to intercept him at an earlier time then his terror regime, right?" "Yeah" begins Samantha, "well, the thing is, due to chronoton poisoning time travel has become a bit problematic lately ..." "Wait, how can time travel even have a temportal frame?" "Nevermind the plot holes" says Jack, "we need your ring and with that we'll extract your husband." You slip the ring, small and golden, from your finger. After a moment's hesitation you hand it to Samantha. She adjusts her hat. "Thanks. See we need it because certain objects, from key points in time, are loaded with temporal energy and these are the last things that allow us to time travel. Luckily the museum is full of that stuff so we can always come back here." "Wait, let me come with you -" Jack shakes his head. "Sorry, we can't allow you to come with us. There was no time to code the interaction between 3 NPCs and the player." "So what am I supposed to do?" "Just wait here, we have some nice exhibits." You slump your shoulders. Jack pats you on the shoulder and slips you a small device. "I'm sure you'll find some way to pass the time." They wave to you, another SWOOOOOOSH and they are gone. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a scanner a name tag a wikipedia printout a plasma gatling a letter > Examine scanner Aha, a scanner. > Scan tag The display reads: TEMPORAL RESIDUE DETECTED. Opening portal to 2578. > You look The exhibiton ends to the south of here. A swirling grey portal is, er, swirling here. Bits and pieces of the statue lie around. There is a 5th dimensional forge here. > You examine the portal Like a lava lamp, only worse. > You enter the portal You step into the portal and while you swirl through the vortex you have some time (!?!) to think. This name tag belongs to someone on Mercury station, where Alex went in the last game to get the use of his legs back. He told you that the med bay went bust after he used it. If they do medical research there, maybe the fact that the bay was unusable means that someone or other couldn't be cured. So maybe this whole journey wasn't about Alex but someone else. Dr. Juliana F. Ross. The Queen of Hurts and Maladies. And so you arrive at Mercury Station. This corridor is incredibly clean, and incredibly white. The future is awesome. The corridor ends to the northeast at a door marked in Chinese, and continues to the southwest. There is a huge window here, looking out on Mercury. THE EMERGENCY SIREN BLARES! Xonathan Xask says, "What if the Time Rangers grab Alex from a time when he hadn't broken his legs so we could use the med bad after all to - SWOOSH! SWOOSH! Two portals must've opened behind you. You twirl around. Oh no! Two Alexes have arrived! The one on the left wears a surprisingly convincing caveman costume. The other one wears a nice shirt, slacks and saddle shoes. Two copies of your husband have arrived. What do you, Paul, wanna do about it? > You look at the left alex His hair is slicked back, he wears a neat white shirt, no tie, brown slacks and matching saddle shoes. You always wanted him to try that look, but now that you actually see it, it just isn't him. OR IS IT? "Quick" says left Alex, "shoot him! He's the evil Alex from the future! He's here to make sure the Queen comes to power just as expected, so his reign is assured." "No, that's him!" says right Alex. "Don't make a mistake, darling!" Two copies of your husband have arrived. What do you, Paul, wanna do about it? > You look at the right alex He did once spent 10 years as a caveman, so the outfit speaks for him, on the other hand, it's totally something a post-apocalyptic dictator would wear. "Okay, I want an explanation from each of you why the Time Rangers didn't come with you. Leftie, you go first." "They had been called away because of a pet emergency." "Righty?" "Their shift was over and they couldn't be bothered." Hm. > Kiss left Alex The left Alex might not like that. "Oh-okay, I have secret birthmark on my ..." "Trick question" they answered in unison. "You have no birthmarks whatsover." "Your skin is perfect" says leftie. "As I've often said" says rightie. > You kiss right alex The right Alex might not like that. "Name all our games in order!" you scream, on the edge of despair. "Stop it with this self-indulgent bullshit" says Leftie. "Yeah, Clubfloyd won't like it." Rightie turns to wave at you, the player. "Hey Clubfloyd!" > Wait Time passes. "C'mon, quickly now" says Rightie, you need to shoot either of us! Otherwise we will run out of text and that will break the tension and the immersion!" Left nods. "I agree with my evil copy from the future." > Kiss left Alex The right Alex has better things to do. "so, um..." says Lefty. "How many major bugs did this game have?" "So, um, we're not even trying with the meta stuff anymore?" says Rightie. > You wait awhile Time passes. Both stare at you blankly. Oh no! Your immersion > Shoot left You shoot the left Alex! You shoot the left Alex!And ... Oh no! Right Alex shoots you. > Shoot right You shoot the right Alex! You shoot the right Alex!And ... Oh no! Left Alex shoots you! > Grenade alex Who do you mean, the left Alex or the right Alex? > Grenade left Alex "Sorry" you say, "Whatever Cosmo says, I'm not intro threesomes!" "Get him!" shouts left Alex, "I'm tired of being the good guy!" Right Alex pulls out a blaster and fires at you, but misses! "ARGH!" says Xonathan Xask behind you. Oh no, you think, what a pointless way to go. As Right Alex takes aim again and left Alex gets ready to tackle you, you press the grenade button and - FLUMP! - a second later the whole hallway is lít up by a toxic green plasma explosion! Both versions of your husband are engulfed by it instantly. There is an eerie silence. You drop the plasma gatling with something like disgust. It's over, and it's not over. You look down at the blue emergency release button, then push it. Later, as they carry young, dorky Doctor Ross out on a stretcher, you look at that young, kind face. To imagine she would turn into that foul creature who hunted you and Alex for so long. And then there's Alex himself who turned evil enough to send two versions of himself here, to keep you from stopping the creation of the Queen of Hurts and Maladies. You reflect that there is a thin line between us and those we deem ourselves worthy to condemn as evil. And then station security has some questions. You spent the last 3 months on this rock out in the middle of nowhere. Time should mean little to a temperologist like yourself, but personal time still advances. Maybe you'll give the you from 3 months ago some pointers where to dig. You can usually get away with minor paradoxes if Director Lambbost at the Temporal Institute feels or will have felt like it. But you need to find the urn. Who knows where and when it will be unearthed otherwise, and what new horrors will be wraught.

[Themes: Science Fiction] > Look around This is a small cave of torquoise rock. There is a small spot where you had started to dig. > About yourself You're Dana Elbe, temperologist. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a space shovel > You look at the shovel A space shovel, for digging on all kinds of planets expects gas giants and red dwarfs. > Dig With a sigh, you continue to work. After a few more minutes, you've finally unearthed the object your scanners detected: You smile with relief. It's the urn. The urn of GN-z11. > You look at the urn It's a surprisingly simply, unadorned urn. > You get it This has been a barren, dead world for 4000 years, so the sound you hear startles you so much that you drop the urn like a first year temp in the Neptunian war zone. A wolf. The howl of a wolf. A shadow covers the entrance to the cave. And at the same time, smoke rises from the broken urn. You take a step back as a gigantic wolf enters and inhales the smoke. Suddenly his eyes grow red. And then he speaks, speaks in a human voice. Hello, Doctor Elbe. My name is Wally. I'm looking for my good friend, Alex.

[Themes: Humor, romance, time travel, adventure] "I thought you were done with this!" yells Paul and hits the gas. "You mean running away from Sharkmen?" "Getting us in trouble!" he grumbles and handbrakes the golf cart around a corner. You kiss him quickly on the cheek. "I know that's why you love me!" He tries to look grumpy and fails adorably. "How did we get into it this time, anyway?" "Well, as you know, my mind was transferred into a little girl while we were on a plane, and you told the sky marshal we were married. So I was locked into the bathroom while he dealt with you. Little did anyone know it would turn out to be..." This is barely big enough to turn around in. You seriously wonder how anyone manages to join the Miles High Club. It has a stainless steel sink, a toilet, and that's about it. And there's an air vent high up on the wall. A book lies here, undoubtedly forgotten by a previous visitor. [Author's Note: "I thought you were done with this!" yells Paul and hits the gas. "You mean running away from Sharkmen?" "Getting us in trouble!" he grumbles and handbrakes the golf cart around a corner.]

[Themes: Humor, romance] > You take the book Taken. Suddenly, the planes PA system crackles. Someone is clearing their throat. > You look at the book It's the unbelievably boring "Death to my Enemies" by J. Blask. "Earthlings! This is the Queen of Hurts and Maladies. Your new ruler." > You enter the vent (first opening air vent) Gngr. Seems to be stuck. "You might have noticed coworkers,neighbors, loved ones and even family turning into half-human, half-animal hybrids. #sharkpeople is even trending on Twitter." > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a book "You might wonder how I managed to infect 26.3 % of the population. Well, that was easy, my mutation virus was hidden in the latest flu vaccine." (So vaccinations are dangerous! You knew it!) > You examine the toilet A normal, stainless steel airplane toilet. "And before you think of resistance because you're still the majority, please be advised that the world's most powerful leader has already surrended the Earth." (Oh shit, you got a flu shot! Phew, thankful that was a different body). And Paul hasn't gotten around to his. Scared of needles, that big wuss.) > Flush toilet You waste some water, you monster. "Xi Jinping was forthcoming in every regard." > You look in drain The drain is empty. The PA cackles one last time and is silent. > About yourself Hm, looks like you're still an 11-year old girl in a polkadot dress.

> Look around This is barely big enough to turn around in. It has a stainless steel sink, a toilet, and that's about it. And there's an air vent high up on the wall. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a book > You read the book You don't feel you need some sleep right about now. That can't be read. > You open the door (first unlocking the bathroom door) You lack a key that fits the bathroom door. > Flush toilet You waste some water, you monster. > You put the book in the drain It's not round! This book is even more useless than you thought. > You enter vent (first opening air vent) Gngr. Seems to be stuck. > Examine vent A simple metallic grille, with four metallic plates in the corner. Whoa! A pair of red eyes is staring back at you! Oh wait, it's your mercurian rat, named ... uh ... in all the commotion of dying and body swapping I totally forgot its name ... Well, I'm sure you remember and will just name it again. > You examine the plates There are four rectangular squares, one in each corner. You notice a small, black spot on one of them. > You examine the spot The blank spot is uneven, like it has grooves. > Turn spot Nothing obvious happens. > You examine the ellison Aww, just look at it. It has a pear-shaped body, with small, scrawny leg and feet.its thick, soft fur is mostly brown with a huge white spot on the tummy. It looks at you lovingly. > South Ellison has better things to do. > You open the vent Gngr. Seems to be stuck. > You take the spot That seems to be a part of air vent. > You ask the spot about the spot You can only do that to something animate.

> Look around This is barely big enough to turn around in. It has a stainless steel sink, a toilet, and that's about it. And there's an air vent high up on the wall. > You examine the grooves The grooves seem to form some sort letters. > You read the grooves That can't be read. That can't be read. > You turn the faucet on You can't see any such thing. > HOLD VENT That's hardly portable. You waste some water, you monster. So you switch it back off. You switch Faucet on. > You examine the faucet Faucet is currently switched off. > Examine book It's the unbelievably boring "Death to my Enemies" by J. Blask. > You examine the h. The bar of the H, miniscule as it is, catches your eye. > Examine bar Hey, it's a miniature button. > You enter VENT A featureless air duct, which continues north. The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after. > You give book to robot Robot doesn't seem interested. The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after. > You look at the robot Roomba's bigger brother mainly consists of a set of razor sharp rotor blades, cutting everything in its part. On the back it has a brush and some cleaning fluid, but those seem unimportant to you now. Its back is all shining stell, but you bet its belly is just porous plastic. The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after. > Flush toilet You waste some water, you monster. The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after. > You throw the book at the robot You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment. The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after. > You put the Robot in the drain (first taking Robot) It would cut of your fingers. And Marsha would miss them! The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after. > You stand on the toilet You quickly jump onto the toilet, with the robot zig-zags around the floor, buzzing with inhuman hatred. > You enter the air vent You would have to get off the toilet first. > You read the book You don't feel you need some sleep right about now. That can't be read. > You show the book to the Robot Robot is unimpressed. > You put the Robot in the drain (first taking Robot) It would cut of your fingers. And Marsha would miss them! > You examine the Robot Roomba's bigger brother mainly consists of a set of razor sharp rotor blades, cutting everything in its part. On the back it has a brush and some cleaning fluid, but those seem unimportant to you now. Its back is all shining stell, but you bet its belly is just porous plastic. > Drop book Dropped. > You ask the Robot about the knives Robot says something really important. > You turn on the water You switch on the (warm) water, and the rat watches stoically (occasionally giving you the evil eye), as the water rise up to it's neck and overflows. In about 5 turns the whole floor is covered in water and the cleaning robot soons emits a sharp crackling noise and sparks fly around its underbelly. Then it lies still. It still emits the occasional crackle, however, and you don't think it's safe to descent the toilet. Ellison jumps out of the sink onto the toilet and begins to clean himself with stoic indignation worthy of a cat. > You enter VENT You would have to get off the toilet first. > Leave For you, it might bring back pleasent memories of the time they tried Electroconvulsive therapy at the Mayo Clinic. But you're pretty sure this girl's body couldn't handle it. As the chaos dies down, you hear a faint voice through the door. Paul! "Alex, it's me!" "Paul! Don't come in. The room is flooded and the water is electric!" "I leave you alone for one minute ... anyway, listen! 26.3 % of the people on this plane have turned into Sharkmen." "Only the biosex males?" "Okay, okay, into Sharkpeople. Anyway, listen: I'll try to be as inconspicuous as possible, but they're looking for you. It's only a matter of time till they found out you're stuck in that unfortunate body." "Well, my original body is rotting in an endless chasm on Mercury, so..." "One thing at a time. You know that multitasking is horrible for your stress level." "What is your plan?" "Your soul has wandered before, and I don't mean that krokodil you did with those Russian dealers. When you saved me, you jumped into -" "Enough exposition and recap! You're saying I should find a way to jump into Ellison?" But Paul doesn't answer, and there's the some commotion outside the door. "Get him!" says a deep, dark Sharkman voice. "Don't hurt me!" "Why not?" "Please, I'll tell you literally everything!" "Where is your husband?" "Okay, maybe I meant figurativ-ouch" It sickens you to your stomach as you hear something heavy slump against the door. A second later someone bangs on the door. "Open up! Sharkpolice!" "Sorry, sir, I'm a little girl with Typhoid fever and you don't want to come in here!" (You knew all this Victorian novels Paul made you read would be good for something at some point.) "Uh...okay" says the Sharkpoliceman, uncertainty in his voice. "Then, uh, stay in there till we land. And you guys, carry this scum away." > You stand For you, it might bring back pleasent memories of the time they tried Electroconvulsive therapy at the Mayo Clinic. But you're pretty sure this girl's body couldn't handle it. > You get Ellison Ellison scurries away from you, sits on another corner of the toilet and shoots angry glances up at you. Then he continues to lick his fur. > You enter VENT Ellison has better things to do. > You put the rat in VENT Ellison struggles in your arms. He really doesn't want to go back in there. > You take the Robot You would electrocute yourself. And not in the cool way, like the guy in Amazing Spiderman 2. That was a great movie. > You show the book to Ellison Ellison is unimpressed. > You tell Ellison about book Squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak squeak :"Squeak squeak Squeak!" Squeak squeak squeak." Oh, Paul send him here to help you escape the bathroom. That's good. "Squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. Squeak, squeak squeak? Squeak." But now he's hunted by an insance duct cleaning robot? That's, um, less good. Behind the rat, you hear a faint whirring sound, somewhere in the dark of the duct. Oh no! The robot is getting closer and closer to the rat! It's only 5m away! > You talk to Ellison "Squeak!" declares Ellison and nuzzles your hand affectionally with his cold snout. Oh no! The robot is getting closer and closer to the rat! It's only 4m away! > You climb the toilet I don't think much is to be achieved by that. Oh no! The robot is getting closer and closer to the rat! It's only 3m away! > Close VENT You close air vent. Oh no! The robot is getting closer and closer to the rat! It's only 1m away!

[Themes: Humor, adventure, time travel] > Look around This is barely big enough to turn around in. It has a stainless steel sink, a toilet, and that's about it. And there's an air vent high up on the wall. The deadly cleaning robot zips towards you! The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after. > You wait awhile Time passes. > You open the door (first unlocking the bathroom door) You lack a key that fits the bathroom door.

[Themes: Humor, time travel] > You go downward You would have to get off the toilet first. As the chaos dies down, you hear a faint voice through the door. Paul! "Alex, it's me!" "Paul! Don't come in. The room is flooded and the water is electric!" "I leave you alone for one minute ... anyway, listen! 26.3 % of the people on this plane have turned into Sharkmen." "Only the biosex males?" "Okay, okay, into Sharkpeople. Anyway, listen: I'll try to be as inconspicuous as possible, but they're looking for you. It's only a matter of time till they found out you're stuck in that unfortunate body." "Well, my original body is rotting in an endless chasm on Mercury, so..." "One thing at a time. You know that multitasking is horrible for your stress level." "What is your plan?" "Your soul has wandered before, and I don't mean that krokodil you did with those Russian dealers. When you saved me, you jumped into -" "Enough exposition and recap! You're saying I should find a way to jump into Ellison?" But Paul doesn't answer, and there's the some commotion outside the door. "Get him!" says a deep, dark Sharkman voice. "Don't hurt me!" "Why not?" "Please, I'll tell you literally everything!" "Where is your husband?" "Okay, maybe I meant figurativ-ouch" It sickens you to your stomach as you hear something heavy slump against the door. A second later someone bangs on the door. "Open up! Sharkpolice!" "Sorry, sir, I'm a little girl with Typhoid fever and you don't want to come in here!" (You knew all this Victorian novels Paul made you read would be good for something at some point.) "Uh...okay" says the Sharkpoliceman, uncertainty in his voice. "Then, uh, stay in there till we land. And you guys, carry this scum away." > Pet rat You run a hand across his soft back, and he arches it, cat-like, with half-closed eyes. > You jump You jump on the spot. > You touch rat You pat him on his thick stomach, which he takes stoically. > You read the book You begin to read. "It was only seconds ago that the sound of a gunshot caught you off guard.". Already your eyelids beging to drop. Soon you fall asleep. There is a a dream sequence cut for length and as you open your eyes you find yourself not yourself at all... Airplane Bathroom (on the toilet) This room is gigantic! From up here on the toilet you see a deadly ocean of electrified water, a huge sink (forever out of reach) and an Air Vent high up on the wall, almost reachable. The dead husk of the robot lies here, sparking occasionally. On the toilet you can see Marsha. > You look at Marsha Aww. She's asleep. But, apart from that, you think you could use here as a stepping stone to enter the air vent. > About yourself Aww, just look at you. You have a pear-shaped body, with small, scrawny leg and feet.Your thick, soft fur is mostly brown with a huge white spot on the tummy. > You pet yourself You scratch him between the ears, and he sits very still and closes his eyes. > You enter Vent You climb onto Marsha's side with some effort. Man, living the cage life on cheese and crackers has not prepared you for this. It's all Paul's fault, you muse, as you take aim at the opening of the air duct, he's far too nice to this rat. Then again, he is, or was, too you. You feel a pang of longing for the old home life, with your rampages on New Year's Day the only break in the blissful monotony. And then you jump. Small feet scramble on the smooth wall as gravity takes an unflatteringly strong hold on your rear end. You scratch and push and scowl, but finally you're in the air vent. You rest there for a minute and listen to your heartbeat, resting flat on the cool metal. You count 387 beats a minute and hope that's in the normal range. A featureless air duct, which continues north. > You go north Amidst all the noise from the plane you seem to hear a faint whirring sound.You don't feel safe at all. NOT AT ALL SAVE. Oops, typo. I meant safe. > Go north The strange whirring seems to grow louder. And then a shadow covers the square of light from the air vent behind you. The robot has returned, fueled more by vengeance than his 12 AA batteries! A terrible monstrosity of broken wiring and hatred, it ever so slowy rolls towards you, the huge blades in front of it scraping the edges of the air duct. The robot is very close! The air from the endlessly twirling blades, which will soon hack you to pieces, is still quite refreshing. > Go south A featureless air duct, which continues north. The robot is very close! The air from the endlessly twirling blades, which will soon hack you to pieces, is still quite refreshing. > Go south A featureless air duct, which continues north. The robot is here! The robot has caught up to you! The last thing you see are the whirling blades and ... uh, kids ... then you talk about your differences and decide on a course of action everyone can agree on. > Examine duct Which do you mean, Air Duct or Air Duct? > You look A featureless air duct, which continues north. Robot arrives from the south. The robot has caught up to you! The last thing you see are the whirling blades and ... uh, kids ... then you talk about your differences and decide on a course of action everyone can agree on. > Go north The air duct ends here. There is a grating here, leading outside the plane to the north. > Go north (first opening the grating) It's still wired firmly to the wall! > You examine the grating A sturdy metal grating, looped to the wall not so sturdily with some loops of wire, on in each corner. The robot is very close! The air from the endlessly twirling blades, which will soon hack you to pieces, is still quite refreshing. > Bite wire Which do you mean, the upper right wire, the upper left wire, the lower right wire or the lower left wire? > Upper right You gnaw off the upper right wire. > Bite lower left You gnaw off the lower left wire. Robot arrives from the south. The robot has caught up to you! The last thing you see are the whirling blades and ... uh, kids ... then you talk about your differences and decide on a course of action everyone can agree on. > Go north A featureless air duct, which continues north. The strange whirring seems to grow louder. And then a shadow covers the square of light from the air vent behind you. The robot has returned, fueled more by vengeance than his 12 AA batteries! A terrible monstrosity of broken wiring and hatred, it ever so slowy rolls towards you, the huge blades in front of it scraping the edges of the air duct. The robot is very close! The air from the endlessly twirling blades, which will soon hack you to pieces, is still quite refreshing. A featureless air duct, which continues north. A featureless air duct, which continues north. > Go north A featureless air duct, which continues north. A featureless air duct, which continues north. > Go north The air duct ends here. There is a grating here, leading outside the plane to the north. (first opening the grating) It's still wired firmly to the wall! > Go north The air duct ends here. There is a grating here, leading outside the plane to the north. (first opening the grating) It's still wired firmly to the wall! > Bite upper left You gnaw off the upper left wire. > Bite upper right You gnaw off the upper right wire. > Bite lower left You gnaw off the lower left wire. > Bite lower right You gnaw off the lower right wire. > You go to the north (first opening the grating) Looking back at the half crazed machine, and looking down into the deceptively calm blue of the sky, you ponder for a moment. A gust of wind makes the decision for you and whips you out of the plane with a surprised squeak! So much blue... > Up Gravity disagrees! > You jump Nope, the only thing you can do here is fall.

[Themes: Humor] > You go downwards A small shadow blocks out the sun for a minute. That crazy robot has jumped out of the plane as well, following you! Soon it has caught up with you. You feel rather safe, though. > You look So much blue... The robot is tumbling down towards Earth besides you. > You examine the Robot Falling towards Earth next to you, its propeller harmlessly slicing the air, the mechanical underbelly of the beast is exposed. You notice a small hatch. > You look at the hatch A small, metal hatch, and a keypad besides it. A sticker reads: "CONTAINS PARACHUTE. In case you're robot mindlessly chases rodents or other critters into dangerous territory. Will be deployed automatically at a height of 5000 ft. Enter 4-digit PIN-code to open manually. Please don't use a number that's easily guessable." > Type 1234 The keypad just beeps. There is no keypad here. > Type 2014 The keypad just beeps. There is no keypad here. The keypad just beeps. There is no keypad here. > You look at the keypad Numbers from 0-9, the usual stick. > Type 0001 That was easy! The hatch swings open. > You look in the hatch In the hatch is a small parachute. > You take the parachute You take the parachute. > You wear it You put on the small parachute. > You take the parachute You already have that. > You look at it It's adorable! It has small shoulder straps and everything, and the tiniest pullcord. > You pull the pullcord *flop* The parachute opens and you beging slowly drifting towards the ground, while the robot becomes a smaller and smaller speck below. After some time, you land. But what now? The plane gets smaller and smaller, as it flies away high above you. You have no way to find out what they're doing to Paul and all your other friends, being just a small rat stranded somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Looks like there's nothing but wallow in self-pity for months now. Some generic farmland. > Go north Ah, but what's the use? > Inventory You are carrying: a small parachute (being worn) > You remove parachute You take off the small parachute. > You drop it Dropped. > You think What a good idea. > Sleep Though this rat, like any good pet, can fall asleep at any time, you don't feel this is a good time to do so. Maybe later. > You look Some generic farmland. You can see a small parachute here. > Go north (first opening front door) Uh oh! There is a cat flap. You slip through it, hoping for the best. A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here. > You go east This is a spacious, cool room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. Now, all that's left of the furniture are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping. A door leads south to the kitchen. A cloning machine sits in a corner. An opened letter lies forgotten on the floor. > You read the letter Dear Dr. Elbe, we here at HAM are sad to inform you that your delivery for Time machine parts by drone has failed. It seems our delivery drone was shot down by the Air Force somewhere over Spielertor National Park. We can reattempt delivery of a new copy in 2-3 years. Has this answered your question, please leave a rating etc. > You examine machine You saw a similiar one on Mercury. It has one human-sized vat and an input slot. The only other feature is a big, red lever labelled "CLONE". > Examine slot Looks like it's meant to contain a very small sample of DNA. > You go south You were beginning to wonder where all the Sharkmen guards were. Looks like they're sitting around the kitchen table, eating and chatting. Better leave them alone. > Go west A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here. > Up Oof! You'd need to be a lot fitter to even try that. > You look at the small door A small wooden door. It's slightly ajar. > You enter door Which do you mean, front door or the small door? > Inside Good thing the door to the Potter room was slightly ajar. Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. In a corner stands a box labelled "Alex' things". That gives you a little pang. You almost forgot Paul thought you were dead for quite a while. > You look at the box In the box are a razor, a cardboard tube, a key and a wedding ring. > You examine the razor Hey, it's your old, uh, body razor. Unfortunately, it's quite dull and no use as this game's cutting thing. On the razor is a hair. > You examine tube A simple cardboard tube, open on one end. Seems pretty useless. (So it probably isn't). > You look at the key Paul gave this to you for one of your birthdays. While he doesn't condone your habit of stealing and destroying golf carts from the course next door, he shows support. It's a skeleton key, that can open 95% of all golf carts in the world, and you've tried at least 34 models so far. > You examine the ring It's a simple and golden. > You get the hair Taken. > Leave A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here. > You look at hair Judging from color and length is defintetely one of yours. > You put the hair in the slot Ellison put the hair into the slot. > You look at the cloning machine You saw a similiar one on Mercury. It has one human-sized vat and an input slot. The only other feature is a big, red lever labelled "CLONE". > You pull the lever The machines makes some weird, gurgling noises, then it hisses and the vat fills with green smoke. The smokes gets thicker and thicker. For a few seconds, nothing happens, then the machine goes *ding!*, the vat opens and a figure emerges. > You look at the figure This is Alex, lovable sociopath. Well, a clone. For fear of offending any sensibilites, the clone emerged fully clothed from the vat. > Sleep You quickly fall asleep. This is a spacious, cool room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. Now, all that's left of the furniture are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping. A door leads south to the kitchen. A cloning machine sits in a corner. An opened letter lies forgotten on the floor. You can also see Ellison here. Awesome! Finally, after a game spent either death or in some ridiculous form, you're back in a copy of your own body. As an added bonus, this clone body is like 10 years younger than you were. You quickly check it's extremities and find them complete, in the right place and of expected length. > You talk to Alex You says something really important. > You get the letter You better let him rest a spell. He's earned a rest. Taken. > You read it Dear Dr. Elbe, we here at HAM are sad to inform you that your delivery for Time machine parts by drone has failed. It seems our delivery drone was shot down by the Air Force somewhere over Spielertor National Park. We can reattempt delivery of a new copy in 2-3 years. Has this answered your question, please leave a rating etc. > Open chest You open the chest of drawers, revealing a bottle and The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1001 Nights. > You examine bottle A cute retro bottle that once contained some hand lotion. It's made of glass and has a plastic stopper. Also a pirate on the label. Not sure what connects pirates and hand lotions, but when you told Paul this, he just scoffed "That's why you're not in marketing, dear." > You examine arabian Nights Paul's Penguin edition copy of this timeless classic. > You take all from the chest bottle: Taken. The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1001 Nights: Taken. > You check your inventory You are carrying: The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1001 Nights a bottle (closed) a letter > Go inside Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall. In a corner stands a box labelled "Alex' things". That gives you a little pang. You almost forgot Paul thought you were dead for quite a while. > You get the ring and the tube wedding ring: Taken. cardboard tube: Taken. > You look in the box In the box are a razor and a key. > You wear the ring You put on the wedding ring. > You take the key Taken. > Go outside A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".) You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here. > Up This is a small hallway, with a lot of doors. They're all unimportant (and therefor not implemented), except the one to the east. Holy Moses! Uncle Wallys ghost floats around here. > You examine the uncle The acid bath he took in the last game hasn't done much for his complexion. He looks like a Dali painting of his former self, wearing a half-burnt Stalin jacket, and his skin has the color of something you find on the sole of your shoe after a night around town. He still seems to be a ghost, though. > You talk to the uncle "ALEX! My favorite arse bandit!" "Have I ever told you I'm not the least bit sorry I pushed you into that acid bath?" > You talk to the uncle "The Queen of Hearts and Marmalades has hired you?" "She's actually called "The Queen of Hurts and Maladies". Women and their fancy names, eh?" "Have I ever told you I'm not the least bit sorry I pushed you into that acid bath?" > You talk to the uncle "Can you let me in?`" "Are you proposing me or ..." You just roll your eyes. "Have I ever told you I'm not the least bit sorry I pushed you into that acid bath?" > Keep going "What are you doing here anyway? The last time I saw you was in hell!" > You go east Uncle Wally blocks your way and menacingly flings some ectoplasm at you. "Don't make me grill you, son." > Unclewally SAVEOk. > You open the bottle You open the bottle. > You read arabian Nights You flip through it. This isn't like a Ray Harryhausen movie at all. > You look in the bottle The bottle is empty. > You put Wally in the bottle (first taking Uncle Wally) I don't suppose Uncle Wally would care for that. > You show the book to Wally Uncle Wally is unimpressed. > You give the book to Wally Wally refuses the book with a raised hand. "Reading classics? Please, that's for people who studied to work at McDonalds." > Rub bottle You give the bottle another good shake and you can faintly hear Wally's pathetic protestations. Teehee. > You open the bottle That's already open. > You ask Wally about the bottle "You wouldn't understand. The Queen uses Quantum mechanics. Ever heard of the Lampshade effect?" > You ask Wally about the genie "Please let me in. We humans need to stick together." "Please, I'm at least one step above you on the evolutionary ladder." > You show the bottle to Wally "Hey, Wallster, I bet your inflated ego doesn't fit in here!" Wally grabs the open bottle and peers at it intently. "You must think I'm a total moron." Well, shit. "Of course I know that ghosts don't have mass, so I can do this easily." And with a *plop* he disappears into the bottle. You quickly ram home the stopper with the flat of your hand. "Hey" says Uncle Wally very faintly. "Good joke, but, let me out, okay? I just got this job." You give the bottle a good shake and that shuts him up. > You look This is a small hallway, with a lot of doors. They're all unimportant (and therefor not implemented), except the one to the east. > You go east You kick the bedroom door and it crashes open. (It wasn't really locked). Paul jumps up from the bed with a shriek. He looks thinner, bestubbled, his hair dyed some time ago but the roots are showing. He blinks and then jumps into your arms. You hold him for some precious moments, emotions swirling in you that you are too manly to express. Video games have told you well. "You have your body back! You have to tell me all about it!" "No time, there will be a flashback later." "Later?" "Earlier for me, er, the player, er, nevermind. We've gotta get out of here." "Not so fast, we need to save Dr. Elbe." "The famous temperologist? Where is he?" "Actually, she goes by Dana these days. But that's not important. She climbed out the window to attack the Sharkmen while they are having dinner in the kitchen." "Attack? With what?" "I told her of your secret weapons stash in the undergrow. Anyway, we need to help her. C'mon, >CLIMB OUT WINDOW." He slaps you on the ass and makes shooing motions with his hands. "What about you?" "I'm staying here. You know I hate guns." You nod and grab his head and kiss him gently. "See you soon. Don't die on me again." "You wish. Oh here." It's a bit late for a Christmas present, but here's your uncle." Paul looks at the bottle and whistles. Then you >JUMP OUT WINDOW. Paul's parents loved this garden, and so do you. It's sorrounded on three sides by walls overgrown by undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan.This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless). It seems that the Pool has been drained some time ago. The silhouettes of Sharkmen move through the fog. Also, you once again don't feel safe. Dr. Elbe kneels behind the barricade, aiming the M60 at the advancing Sharkmen. Your most prized possession, an original Colt Army Model 1860 lies beside Dr. Elbe. A ginger cat lies on one of the reamining deck chairs, watching the proceedings with weary disinterest. Now your deck-chairs have been piled up to make a barricade. Behind it, Dr. Elbe, in a tasteful yet practical summer dress kneels, reloading your M60 machine gun. She expertly feeds the belt of 7.62 mm NATO cartridges ( or .308 Winchester) into it, and you notice that she uses your M122 tripod. As you scramble to your feet, you notice a huge wall of smoke from the huge glass doors that lead inside, to the kitchen. You quickly jump behind the barricade for cover. > You take Colt You can tell from the weight that it's still loaded with 4 paper cartridges you made yourself. Taken. > You look Garden Area (behind the barricade) Paul's parents loved this garden, and so do you. It's sorrounded on three sides by walls overgrown by undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan.This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless). It seems that the Pool has been drained some time ago. The silhouettes of Sharkmen move through the fog. Also, you once again don't feel safe. Dr. Elbe kneels behind the barricade, aiming the M60 at the advancing Sharkmen. A ginger cat lies on one of the reamining deck chairs, watching the proceedings with weary disinterest. > You talk to Elbe "Hey, Dr. Elbe. I'm Alex." "Hey, Alex" she says, shooting you a sideways grin, "please, call me Dana." She squeezes her eyes and shoots of a few rounds, dropping one of the shapes in the fog. "Pleased to meet you." While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has a M16 in his hands and fires at you! > You shoot Sharkman BANG! The Sharkman throws up his hands and drops dead! > You talk to Elbe "What do we do now?" "I say we wait for Paul to make a run for it, then get away through the golf course." > You shoot Fog You don't want to shoot Fog. While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has a Uzi in his hands and fires at you! > You shoot Sharkman BANG! The Sharkman clutches his chest and keels over! > You talk to Elbe "And then what?" "I have a plan how we can save Earth from the oppression of the Sharkmen." > You talk to Elbe "Does it involve time travel?" "Uh...yes?" "Cool!" While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has a Ak47 in his hands and fires at you! > You shoot Sharkman BANG! The Sharkman spins on his heel and drops to the ground! > You talk to Elbe "What is taking your husband so long?" "Maybe he's just a little scared. He's really not cut out for all this violence." > You talk to Elbe "Oh yeah, he, um, actually told me you died? Was that, like, a metaphorical thing or...?" "No, much more mundane. A light grue threw me into a chasm on Mercury." While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has two Colt 1911 in his hands and fires at you! > You shoot Sharkman BANG! The Sharkman falls on his knees and then falls face forward! > You talk to Elbe "Well, I see you got better." "Yeah, I can actually possess people and stuff? I'm not yet clear how it works, it's like God or someone makes up the rules and changes them as he goes along." > You talk to Elbe "Why is your face so red, Dana?" "Laser therapy. Beard removal." "That must suck." "Yeah, it does." While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has a knife in his hands and runs towards you! > You shoot Sharkman You're out of ammo. > You kill Sharkman Violence isn't the answer to this one. Oh no! The Sharkman jumps over the barricade and lands on top of you. You try to hit him with the Colt, but he slaps it out of your hand and it skiddles away. Can you raise your hand quick enough to block his blow? Quickly, press B. > B. You manage to raise your arms and block the Sharkman's locked wrists. But the knife is still coming downwards slowly! Quick, press A. > R. The sharkman pushes your flailing hands away with both hands and rises the knife again! O.M.G.! QUICK, press T. > T You roll towards the side and throw the Sharkman off balance. He impales himself on his own knife and ... uh, has to go to the hospital, where he eats lots of ice cream! You push the corpse off you, and through the smoke you see Paul's extended hand. He helps you up. Elbe is still firing at more and more Sharkmen coming through the doors. Man, your kitchen must look like shit. "Quick!" she shouts. "Get over the wall!" "Quick, Paul, I'll boost you." You stare at his ass a little more than necessary as you help your husband onto the wall. He extends his hand to you. "Quick, Alex, get up here." You look back at Elbe, who provides more and more desperate covering fire. "It's noble she's sacrifing herself, but I don't feel comfortable with such a clichéd end for a minority character." "Sacrifice myself? Are you crazy? Cover me from up there, you dick." With that she tosses you the M60. Your lying on the wall between your garden and the golf course. A few Sharkmen are advancing while firing wildly at the wall. Bullets chip the stone here and there. Hey, there is a penny up here! You never noticed. > You shoot Sharkmen You squeeze the trigger. Dang! Damn thing is jammed! Better clear it. Elbe breaks away from the barricade and runs towards the wall. Behind her, Sharkmen advance in formation over their fallen comrades, firing wildly. > Clear gun You pry the stuck shell out of the barrel with the cleaning rod and the next round chambers with a *clack*. > You shoot Sharkmen You get a good foothold on the wall to shoot it, even with foregrip. Better unfold the tripod. Dr. Elbe begins to climb the wall, somewhat hindered by the bullets hitting the wall around her and by her flowing dress. > Unfold tripod You unfold the tripod and try to find a good place on the wall to put it. > You shoot Sharkmen You get a good foothold on the wall to shoot it, even with foregrip. Better unfold the tripod. Dr. Elbe looks at you angrily. "Uh, how about that covering fire?" "Damn thing was ..." A tracer sizzles overhead so close it nearly sets your hair on fire. "Hey!" shouts Paul, "I'm all for addressing problems directly, but how about COMING THE FUCK DOWN HERE first?" Dr. Elbe nods and scurries down into the Golf course, with you close behind. You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of your garden is here. Dr. Elbe stands around here, eyes alert. Paul stands around, smiling at you affectionately. > You go east You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to your garden. You can see a golf cart (closed) here. Paul trudges along. Elbe follows you. > You unlock the cart with the key You unlock the golf cart. > You open the cart You open the golf cart. > You enter the golf cart You get into the golf cart. Paul shu-shus at you. "Scoot over, you're driving all the time." "All the time? I've been death for a while." Nevertheless, you slide over on the passager seat. Dr. Elbe climbs onto the backseat and grabs the M60 from your hands. She quickly unfolds the tripod and installs the machine gun on the rear end of the car. "Okay, ready." Cool, looks like you don't have to do anything. > You wait Time passes. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along. Entrance Gate (in the golf cart) A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane. Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest. Dr. Elbe is on the backseat, at the M60. Paul drives the golf cart. > You wait awhile Time passes. > Go outside Hello no! This thing is doing a breakneck 30 mph. You drive past the cemetery and Paul expertly does a handbrake turn to the right. The cemetery passes to the left, and you have the conversation from the intro. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along. Country Road (in the golf cart) Spielertor is one of the oldest National Parks in the state, which you can easily tell from the forest. Dr. Elbe is on the backseat, at the M60. Paul drives the golf cart. > Wait Time passes. What was a black shape down the road a second before turns into tank that's gaining on you very fast. Elbe starts firing the M60, with little effect. "Damn, Alex" cries Paul, "do something!" Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along. Forest (in the golf cart) This is a forest, with trees in all directions. To the east, there appears to be sunlight. Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun. Paul drives the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! > You throw the tube at the tank Futile. > Examine tank It's black and huge, bulky yet sleek. Luckily, they can't get you with their gun turret, but a dude with an Assault Rifle (seems to be an update model of the M16) fires at the cart from behind a manhole cover. > You shoot the manhole cover "I'd like to help, Doc, but I'm unarmed. Got any of my stash left?" "Sorry, no, but I can give you this." She throws you something that is either a very big laser pointer or a very small flashlight. "Oh, is this a laser gun?" "No." "A lightsaber?" "Unfortunately, also no." "So, what is it?" "It's a very powerful laser. Not powerful enough to hurt anyone-" "Aww" "-but you could use it as a, you know, laser pointer." "I'll keep that in mind when I want to PowerPoint (tm) them to death." Paul swerves over the road wildly, trying to avoid the gunner's fire. "Dr. Elbe! Get that guy!" "He's too well protected. This looks like a job for the protagonist." "Just give me the g..." But just at that moment something terrible breaks through the dense foliage. It's a quadruple human, ridden by a Horseman. That's the most horrible thing you ever saw, at least since Paul had that herpes problem. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along. Forest (in the golf cart) This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands at the edge of the path. Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun. Paul drives the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You point the laser at dude That may look interesting, but does nothing. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along. Clearing (in the golf cart) You are in a clearing, with a forest surrounding you on all sides. A path leads south. On the ground is a pile of leaves. Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun. Paul drives the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You talk to Elbe "Sorry, Alex, would love to chat but it's hard to do it over the exchange of gunfire between us and the" RATATATATATATATA BOOM BOOM BOOM "I get your point." > You jump on Manhorse You lean out of the cart, grabbing the roof with one hand. "What are you doing?" screams Paul. "We need to stop-" "Don't say horsing around!" "Okay." And then you jump. After some dramatic scrambling, you sit in the saddle behind the confused Horseman. Clearing (on Manhorse) You are in a clearing, with a forest surrounding you on all sides. A path leads south. On the ground is a pile of leaves. A tank is chasing you, and a guy with an assault rifle fires at the golf cart. You can also see a golf cart (in which are Dr. Elbe and Paul) here. A horseman sits before you. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You point the laser at the dude That may look interesting, but does nothing. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You examine dude A sharkman with an assault rifle! > You look at Manhorse The Manhorse is as a big horse, but looks like a man! Surprisingly, he manages to keep up with the cart. One of the saddlebags is marked with some writing. >READ WRITING It says "DANGER! EXPLOSIVE." Paul goes northeast in the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You take the saddlebag That's hardly portable. > Light saddlebag This dangerous act would achieve little. Y'all arrive at a nice fire tower, and at a glance you see the package for Elbe on the floor, but there is no room for you to go, and the tank runs over the golf cart with a terrifying crunch (everyone escapes unharmed). > You wait awhile Time passes. You drive past the cemetery and Paul expertly does a handbrake turn to the right. The cemetery passes to the left, and you have the conversation from the intro. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along. Country Road (in the golf cart) Spielertor is one of the oldest National Parks in the state, which you can easily tell from the forest. Dr. Elbe is on the backseat, at the M60. Paul drives the golf cart. > Wait "I'd like to help, Doc, but I'm unarmed. Got any of my stash left?" "Sorry, no, but I can give you this." She throws you something that is either a very big laser pointer or a very small flashlight. "Oh, is this a laser gun?" "No." "A lightsaber?" "Unfortunately, also no." "So, what is it?" "It's a very powerful laser. Not powerful enough to hurt anyone-" "Aww" "-but you could use it as a, you know, laser pointer." "I'll keep that in mind when I want to PowerPoint (tm) them to death." What was a black shape down the road a second before turns into tank that's gaining on you very fast. Elbe starts firing the M60, with little effect. "Damn, Alex" cries Paul, "do something!" Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along. Forest (in the golf cart) This is a forest, with trees in all directions. To the east, there appears to be sunlight. Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun. Paul drives the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! Time passes. > You wait Time passes. Paul swerves over the road wildly, trying to avoid the gunner's fire. "Dr. Elbe! Get that guy!" "He's too well protected. This looks like a job for the protagonist." "Just give me the g..." But just at that moment something terrible breaks through the dense foliage. It's a quadruple human, ridden by a Horseman. That's the most horrible thing you ever saw, at least since Paul had that herpes problem. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along. Forest (in the golf cart) This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands at the edge of the path. Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun. Paul drives the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You jump You jump on the spot. > You jump on Manhorse You lean out of the cart, grabbing the roof with one hand. "What are you doing?" screams Paul. "We need to stop-" "Don't say horsing around!" "Okay." And then you jump. After some dramatic scrambling, you sit in the saddle behind the confused Horseman. Forest (on Manhorse) This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands at the edge of the path. A tank is chasing you, and a guy with an assault rifle fires at the golf cart. You can also see a golf cart (in which are Dr. Elbe and Paul) here. A horseman sits before you. > You search the Saddlebag In Saddlebag is rocket grenade. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You look at the rocket grenade It's a neat little Mahavira-Arnaud rocket grenade. You can either fire it from a rocket launcher, even an improvised one, or throw it. In either case you should first you hit it on the top, the the 4 turn,er, second, fuse is activated. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You hit the grenade You bonk the grenade on the top. Something clicks mechanically inside. > You wait awhile Time passes. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > You throw grenade at the tank You throw the grenade at the tank! Unfotunately, it just bounces off the armor harmlessly and explodes by the wayside. Luckily, there are more grenades in the saddlebag. > You wait for a while Time passes. Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes. > You throw grenade at the dude Futile. Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes. > You put the grenade in the tube You put rocket grenade into the cardboard tube. > You hit the grenade You bonk the grenade on the top. Something clicks mechanically inside. > You wait awhile Time passes. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > Shoot tank You need a gun. Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes. > You throw the grenade at tank (first taking rocket grenade) You throw the grenade at the tank! Unfotunately, it just bounces off the armor harmlessly and explodes by the wayside. Luckily, there are more grenades in the saddlebag. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a laser pointer a key a cardboard tube rocket grenade a wedding ring (being worn) The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1001 Nights a letter Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes. > You attach laser to tube You clip the laser pointer to the cardboard tube. Neat. Now you can point (or aim) the whole tube at distant objects. Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes. > You attach the laser to the tube You clip the laser pointer to the cardboard tube. Neat. Now you can point (or aim) the whole tube at distant objects. > You hit the grenade You bonk the grenade on the top. Something clicks mechanically inside. > You put the grenade in the tube Wow, you have an improvised rocket launcher. You put rocket grenade into the cardboard tube. Paul goes northeast in the golf cart. The tank is chasing you! Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit. > Point launcher at dude You aim the tube at the tank. This will either net you a Darwin Award or be awesome,you think. The grenade ignites. The tube burns up in your hands faster than aluminum foil. There is a loud hissing and a trail of smoke towards the tank. For a second, nothing happens. With a loud, defeaning roar, the tank explodes, pushing over the golf cart, throwing you off the horse and into the woods. You crash against a tree and fall down. Around you, the forest has quickly caught fire. Flames roars, and metal cracks in the distance. You try to get up, but your back hasn't hurt this bad since your first yoga practice. This is just a place in the woods, surrounded by a roaring ring of flames. A burning hubcap rolls past you. A broken bottle lies here. > You examine bottle Oh crap. You know this bottle. A shape stumbles from the fire, ragged, burnt patches of skin on the hands. Paul. He otherwise seems okay, though. "Paul" you croak, "I didn't know that the tank would explode quite so messily." Then you notice his red glowing eyes and crap your pants (not literally). "Oh, not to worry" says Uncle Wally. The last step he takes towards you feels like it takes a year. Alex and Paul will return.

[Themes: Fantasy, treasure, folklore character, fantasy, vehicle, female protagonist, ice, hell, Demon] He who eats fire, shits sparks; this line of work involves no small amount of risk, therefore. But compared to everyone else, demons are refreshingly easy. No suspicions are necessary; you know they're out to screw you over. The war-engine cache was a new tactic, enabling you to penetrate deeper than you'd ever contemplated before and still make it out. And this seemed like the most secure site to hide the thing. If your minions weren't idiots of the first water, it would have been a good plan. The ice of the Cocytean piedmont is pitted and rotten, riddled with moulins of befouled meltwater. For the most part the caves are unstable, but they don't tend to change too much over winter. This one is large enough to serve as temporary depot, but small and twisty enough to keep it hidden. The imposing bulk of the Iron Quagga takes up much of the space here. [Author's Note: Storing a war-engine inside Hell was a new tactic; you'll be able to penetrate deeper than ever before and still have a chance of getting out again. The job isn't without its risks, but at least you know the demons are out to get you.] > You look at Quagga Oh, now the sow pulls out the bung. You told that fool Mayken a dozen times that when she made the drop she should demonproof everything thoroughly, but what a mess. Not even a tarp thrown over it, for pity's sake. There's a sliver of a chance that it might still be functional, but de-imping the thing is going to be unpleasant. > About yourself No longer young, not yet old. For a period of about two months when you were seventeen, you might have been considered handsome; you are almost six feet tall, with a great cow-catcher of a nose, enormous feet, washerwoman's hands, and precious few teeth. Not to mention the effects of soaking in brimstone fumes for a few hard weeks. > Inventory You are carrying: a bog-iron scramaseax a demonoscope a pile of loot a wheel of artisanal Camberzola a Camus first edition a spun silver birdcage (closed) an ornamental imp an octavo of Shakespeare fanfiction > You read the fanfiction A small single-run printing by one Wm. Shakspere, with the mysterious title D5-D6. Hette, non-Conne, wingefick. Neifile/Fiammetta/Panfilo, Elissa/Filostrato, Dioneo/Misia. Spoileres. > You read camus The Cahiers of Camus, all but unobtainable in the mortal realm. Your usual reading-material extends about as far as grocery lists, but you know several buyers who will cheerfully gouge each others's eyes out for this. Disappointingly, it is bound in rather boring green canvas. > You look at the demonoscope A small, crudely painted ikon of the Blessed Egdethbra of Wessex in the act of her martyrdom, a sordid little affair involving a backsliding Dane, a turnip field and an ironbound psalter. When waved at demon-infested things, the aforementioned proto-saint wiggles her toes and rolls her eyes wildly. (Demonoscopes are usually crafted with saints of better repute, preferably ones who actually existed, but these are usually overwhelmed by the demon-saturated environment of the Circles.) > Wave demonoscope at imp The unfortunate saint wriggles a little bit, dislodging a turnip or two, but that's about background level for anywhere below circle four. > Wave demonoscope at Quagga You sweep the ikon vaguely across the Quagga. The doubtful blessed writhes and kicks, turnips flying in all directions. Not an all-out frothing fit, bethankit, which means that the most you reasonably have to deal with is a handful of imps or perhaps a lesser cluster. Making more controlled sweeps, you narrow the disturbances down to three areas: the aft right hip joint, the furnace and something up towards the pilot's end - have to get inside to narrow that down. > You examine the scramaseax Cold-wrought bog-iron is a wretched material, but you'd carry a weapon made of soap if it could wound the dead. It's notched, pitted, holds an edge for about three seconds and has been twisted back into shape countless times; constant application of walrus blubber mitigates the rust somewhat, but considering what's in the air here the final outcome is not in doubt. Locating a replacement for when the dear old thing falls to bits is one of your more pressing concerns. > You look at the loot Most of this is hell-forged treasure of the gaudiest sort: crowns, plate, jewelry, fist-sized diamonds. Horse droppings are not figs: it will all turn to dented tin and broken crockery when exposed to fresh air and sunlight, but until then it will serve as a cover for the good stuff, and as bribes for the more stupid gatekeepers. > Wave demonoscope at aft right hip joint Ach. Yes. Definitely something hiding out in the hip joint; the silly bint's gibbering like a Barbary ape. If you're any judge, it's an agubulge, one of those inane little point-coolant things they use to stop body heat from eventually melting out the more populated regions. Knowing your luck the thing's carrying eggs, too. > You examine the imp (the agubulge) A mass of ice, at the centre of which is presumably a cold-imp. The things are mindless and relatively easy to deal with, on the whole, except that they breed. By means of microscopic eggs. The last time you stumbled into a swarm of them you had to take three saunas a day for two weeks and boil everything you owned; but hopefully any eggs will get killed off by engine heat if you can just get rid of this one and get things running. > You examine the ornamental imp The smallest and most stupid demons come in innumerable shapes, most of them hideous; a few breeds, however, are rather attractive and are worn as ornaments by ladies of fashion. They don't breed true, however, which ensures that there's constant demand for wild specimens. Occultists love to grumble about being priced out of the market. This specimen is of the type usually worn on a fine silver chain around the wrist and used by demimondaines to light their cigarettes; it resembles a butterfly-wing folded into abstract origami, with eyes. > Wave demonoscope at furnace Yep, there's something nasty in there all right. Turnips everywhere. > You look at the furnace Some of the hobbedehoys used for commercial freight have furnaces with external access - the fireman walking alongside, hanging off a ladder or balancing on a footman's plate, and sparing the pilot from blazing heat and clips on the ear from clumsy shovel-handling. Military models, though, invariably have the firebox opening onto the relative safety of the pilot's plate, so you'll need to climb aboard if you want to get at it. > You examine the aft right hip joint Big mass of ice. Icicles. Probably an imp deep inside. Not going anywhere until it's dealt with. > You examine the aft left hip joint An unmodified Blazing Host four-joint limb, in good condition apart from superficial scratches. > You look at the cage A local product; within a few hours of your escape it will have become a chamberpot or a cracked jug, but it'll do until then. It presently houses an ornamental imp.. > You examine the imp (the agubulge) A mass of ice, at the centre of which is presumably a cold-imp. The things are mindless and relatively easy to deal with, on the whole, except that they breed. By means of microscopic eggs. The last time you stumbled into a swarm of them you had to take three saunas a day for two weeks and boil everything you owned; but hopefully any eggs will get killed off by engine heat if you can just get rid of this one and get things running. > You examine the ornamental imp The smallest and most stupid demons come in innumerable shapes, most of them hideous; a few breeds, however, are rather attractive and are worn as ornaments by ladies of fashion. They don't breed true, however, which ensures that there's constant demand for wild specimens. Occultists love to grumble about being priced out of the market. This specimen is of the type usually worn on a fine silver chain around the wrist and used by demimondaines to light their cigarettes; it resembles a butterfly-wing folded into abstract origami, with eyes. > You look at the pilot's end You can't see any such thing. You can't see any such thing. > You examine Quagga The basic chassis is one of the Blazing Host two-and-twos that have formed the backbone of the al-Andalus line for almost a century. It's really an infantry-breaker, working best at a killing trot; when they face the dashing thoroughbuilt machine-hunters favoured by cavalry snobs, they're generally swept off the field. But they handle difficult ground well, they don't break down much, and on the march - using those little auxiliary limbs under the pilot's plate - they burn about half the fuel of a thoroughbuilt.

[Themes: Fantasy, ice] > Look around The ice of the Cocytean piedmont is pitted and rotten, riddled with moulins of befouled meltwater. For the most part the caves are unstable, but they don't tend to change too much over winter. This one is large enough to serve as temporary depot, but small and twisty enough to keep it hidden. The imposing bulk of the Iron Quagga takes up much of the space here. > You kill the agubulge with the scramaseax One swing of the seax fractures the ice into a spiderweb of cracks. A second dislodges some good-sized chunks, and soon you have most of the ice hacked away. Unfortunately, there's still some lodged up inside the joint - how did the little bastard squeeze into such a narrow space? Nesting, you muse darkly. At any rate, the seax is too blunt and misshapen to fit into such a narrow gap. > Burn camus You lack a source of fire. > You open the cage You open the spun silver birdcage. > You get imp (the ornamental imp) Taken. > Light imp (the ornamental imp) As carefully as you can, you slip a finger and thumb through the imp's angular folds and give its abdomen a squeeze. You are rewarded with a small and flickering flame that dances over its wingtips like an aurora. > You burn agubulge The symmetry of the solution has appeal, but as it turns out the ornamental demon's flame is far too faint to melt more than a few droplets of ice. > Burn camus Steeling yourself, you apply the imp to one page. Old paper burns wonderfully well, you discover, and the whole thing is soon aflame. You try not to think of the volume of merino socks and Kopi Luwak that could have purchased with the proceeds. > You burn agubulge You wedge the blazing mass under the hip joint and hover anxiously nearby to prod it into more enthusiastic flames. After a few harrowing minutes, you hear a gurgling rodent squeal and the drip of meltwater is augmented by a pinkish ooze, washing away the last ashes of your former prize. > You look at the seax Cold-wrought bog-iron is a wretched material, but you'd carry a weapon made of soap if it could wound the dead. It's notched, pitted, holds an edge for about three seconds and has been twisted back into shape countless times; constant application of walrus blubber mitigates the rust somewhat, but considering what's in the air here the final outcome is not in doubt. Locating a replacement for when the dear old thing falls to bits is one of your more pressing concerns. > Burn fanfiction Steeling yourself, you apply the imp to one page. Old paper burns wonderfully well, you discover, and the whole thing is soon aflame. You try not to think of the volume of merino socks and Kopi Luwak that could have purchased with the proceeds. > You burn agubulge You wedge the blazing mass under the hip joint and hover anxiously nearby to prod it into more enthusiastic flames. After a few harrowing minutes, you hear a gurgling rodent squeal and the drip of meltwater is augmented by a pinkish ooze, washing away the last ashes of your former prize.

[Themes: Fantasy, folklore character, female protagonist, hell, ice] He who eats fire, shits sparks; this line of work involves no small amount of risk, therefore. But compared to everyone else, demons are refreshingly easy. No suspicions are necessary; you know they're out to screw you over. The war-engine cache was a new tactic, enabling you to penetrate deeper than you'd ever contemplated before and still make it out. And this seemed like the most secure site to hide the thing. If your minions weren't idiots of the first water, it would have been a good plan. The ice of the Cocytean piedmont is pitted and rotten, riddled with moulins of befouled meltwater. For the most part the caves are unstable, but they don't tend to change too much over winter. This one is large enough to serve as temporary depot, but small and twisty enough to keep it hidden. The imposing bulk of the Iron Quagga takes up much of the space here. > Enter Although the ideal crew of a 'gin of this class is three, the Quagga has been rigged to allow it to be crewed one-handed, though you'd break your back jumping between helm and firebox at anything faster than a trot. The cut-down controls - essentially just the gearshaft and helm - will not exactly allow you to fight any cavalry actions, but fortunately Hell is short on armour regiments. With the engine at rest, the floor slants down rather towards the engine's front. Beside the coal chute lies a fireman's shovel. > You examine the ice It's not pretty ice. It's grey and looks kind of worm-eaten and has brown flecks in it. They missed a trick, though; it'd be much nastier if it ever thawed out. > You go outside The imposing bulk of the Iron Quagga takes up much of the space here. > Wave demonoscope at Quagga You sweep the ikon vaguely across the Quagga. The doubtful blessed writhes and kicks, turnips flying in all directions. Not an all-out frothing fit, bethankit, which means that the most you reasonably have to deal with is a handful of imps or perhaps a lesser cluster. Making more controlled sweeps, you narrow the disturbances down to three areas: the aft right hip joint, the furnace and something up towards the pilot's end - have to get inside to narrow that down. > You examine the aft right hip joint Thick ice encrusts the hip joint, falling in dozens of narrow icicles most of the way down to the knee. Unless there's been a bizarrely specific leak in the water reservoir, this means that an agubulge, a frigid and mindless imp used to provide localised cooling, has taken up residence. > You hit the ice with the seax Which do you mean, the agubulge or the ice cave wall? > Agubulge One swing of the seax fractures the ice into a spiderweb of cracks. A second dislodges some good-sized chunks, and soon you have most of the ice hacked away. Unfortunately, there's still some lodged up inside the joint - how did the little bastard squeeze into such a narrow space? Nesting, you muse darkly. At any rate, the seax is too blunt and misshapen to fit into such a narrow gap. > You take ornamental imp You open the spun silver birdcage. Taken. > You squeeze it As carefully as you can, you slip a finger and thumb through the imp's angular folds and give its abdomen a squeeze. You are rewarded with a small and flickering flame that dances over its wingtips like an aurora. > You look at the imp The smallest and most stupid demons come in innumerable shapes, most of them hideous; a few breeds, however, are rather attractive and are worn as ornaments by ladies of fashion. They don't breed true, however, which ensures that there's constant demand for wild specimens. Occultists love to grumble about being priced out of the market. This specimen is of the type usually worn on a fine silver chain around the wrist and used by demimondaines to light their cigarettes; it resembles a butterfly-wing folded into abstract origami, with eyes. A faint, bluish flame coruscates across its wingtips. > You squeeze it A second squeeze and the imp's fire flutters out. You keep an eye on it for a second to make sure; more than one renowned beauty has gone up in flames after carelessly slipping one of these into a pocket. > You put it in the cage You sweep the ikon vaguely across the Quagga. You put the demonoscope into the spun silver birdcage. > You put the imp in the cage You put the ornamental imp into the spun silver birdcage. > You take the demonoscope Taken. > You close the cage You close the spun silver birdcage. > Wave demonoscope at Quagga You sweep the ikon vaguely across the Quagga. > Wave demonoscope at hip Which do you mean, the aft right limb or the aft left limb? > Right No reaction! It appears you've fixed it. > You get all fireman's shovel: Taken. ornamental imp: The spun silver birdcage isn't open. ice cave wall: That's hardly portable. helm: That's hardly portable. coal chute: That's hardly portable. firebox: That's hardly portable. gearshaft: That's hardly portable. > You examine the chute The hopper should contain enough coal for two days at a flat march, given that you're using the good black greasy stuff. You expect the route you're taking to take about three and a half and to be somewhat uphill, but you can refill with wood once you reach the Forest of the Suicides. > You look at the firebox Essentially, this is just a big iron box through which a lot of piping runs; you set a big fire inside, the water in the pipes turns to steam, and then Technology happens and stompy iron feet crush all before them. A sturdy iron door seals off the firebox. > Wave demonoscope at firebox A good deal of somewhat-uninspired wriggling indicates the presence of a small and rather pathetic imp. > You open the firebox You tug mightily at the furnace door. It refuses to budge. > You hit the firebox with shovel You give the door a couple of solid thumps, then slip the edge of the fireman's shovel between lid and rim and twist. With a satisfying crack, the frost-locked door gives a fraction of an inch; it should open now. > Wave demonoscope at chute The unfortunate saint wriggles a little bit, dislodging a turnip or two, but that's about background level for anywhere below circle four. > You open the firebox Ugh. There's another agubulge inside the firebox. This one hasn't been there too long, you think; there's not much of an ice-mass, just a lot of frost all over everything. > Inventory You are carrying: a fireman's shovel a demonoscope a bog-iron scramaseax a pile of loot a wheel of artisanal Camberzola a Camus first edition a spun silver birdcage (closed) an ornamental imp (providing light) > You hit the agubulge with the seax It's right at the back; you can't really reach that far, and you're aware of your narrative role too acutely to feel secure about crawling into ovens. > You hit the agubulge with the shovel You lean in and give it a few solid stabs with the sharp end. There is a satisfying squashing sound. After this, it's a simple matter to get a fire going with coal-chips. You bask in the heat, unfamiliar and welcome after your time in Cocytus. > You examine the helm Old-fashioned pilots prefer the bewildering chaos of a Zebruggi lever array, but outside the more conservative Russian principalities nobody builds those any more; the most sensible of the various replacements is a sort of ship's wheel on a stick, with foot-pedals for detailed control. > Wave demonoscope at gearbox Death and fire, there's one in the gearbox. Your best guess is an ithrogyca, an obnoxious little gluttony-demon designed to clean the adipose tissue off flesh. They happily gorge themselves on fats until they burst. This one must have gone in after the grease. > You examine the gearbox A misbegotten and unruly lever that presides over the Blazing Host universally-reviled gearbox. The usual paces - reverse, neutral, shuffle, walk, march, trot, killing trot, canter - are all there, and at least you don't have to deal with the dandyish Parade March gear that's become obligatory on modern builds. But it jams constantly, has a tendency to slip straight into a canter if you change from march to walk too casually, and screams bloody murder if changed a little too early or late. Its saving grace is that, though bad, it takes a great deal of punishment to make it any worse. The stick is currently in neutral. The slots for the other gear positions open up into darkness. > You look at the gearbox You find nothing of interest. A misbegotten and unruly lever that presides over the Blazing Host universally-reviled gearbox. The usual paces - reverse, neutral, shuffle, walk, march, trot, killing trot, canter - are all there, and at least you don't have to deal with the dandyish Parade March gear that's become obligatory on modern builds. But it jams constantly, has a tendency to slip straight into a canter if you change from march to walk too casually, and screams bloody murder if changed a little too early or late. Its saving grace is that, though bad, it takes a great deal of punishment to make it any worse. The stick is currently in neutral. The slots for the other gear positions open up into darkness. > You cut the cheese Cutting that up would achieve little. > You eat the cheese That's plainly inedible. > Melt cheese That really requires access to a source of steady heat. > Inventory You are carrying: an ornamental imp (providing light) a fireman's shovel a demonoscope a bog-iron scramaseax a pile of loot a wheel of artisanal Camberzola a Camus first edition a spun silver birdcage (open but empty) > You open firebox That's already open. > You put the cheese in the firebox You put the wheel of artisanal Camberzola into the firebox. > Inventory You are carrying: an ornamental imp (providing light) a fireman's shovel a demonoscope a bog-iron scramaseax a pile of loot a Camus first edition a spun silver birdcage (open but empty) > You take the cheese Taken. > You close the firebox You close the firebox. > You open the firebox Ugh. There's another agubulge inside the firebox. This one hasn't been there too long, you think; there's not much of an ice-mass, just a lot of frost all over everything.

[Themes: Fantasy, ice] > Look around The ice of the Cocytean piedmont is pitted and rotten, riddled with moulins of befouled meltwater. For the most part the caves are unstable, but they don't tend to change too much over winter. This one is large enough to serve as temporary depot, but small and twisty enough to keep it hidden. The imposing bulk of the Iron Quagga takes up much of the space here. He who eats fire, shits sparks; this line of work involves no small amount of risk, therefore. But compared to everyone else, demons are refreshingly easy. No suspicions are necessary; you know they're out to screw you over. The war-engine cache was a new tactic, enabling you to penetrate deeper than you'd ever contemplated before and still make it out. And this seemed like the most secure site to hide the thing. If your minions weren't idiots of the first water, it would have been a good plan. The ice of the Cocytean piedmont is pitted and rotten, riddled with moulins of befouled meltwater. For the most part the caves are unstable, but they don't tend to change too much over winter. This one is large enough to serve as temporary depot, but small and twisty enough to keep it hidden. The imposing bulk of the Iron Quagga takes up much of the space here. > You look at Quagga Oh, now the sow pulls out the bung. You told that fool Mayken a dozen times that when she made the drop she should demonproof everything thoroughly, but what a mess. Not even a tarp thrown over it, for pity's sake. There's a sliver of a chance that it might still be functional, but de-imping the thing is going to be unpleasant. > Inventory You are carrying: a bog-iron scramaseax a demonoscope a pile of loot a wheel of artisanal Camberzola a Camus first edition a spun silver birdcage (closed) an ornamental imp an octavo of Shakespeare fanfiction > You examine the scramaseax Cold-wrought bog-iron is a wretched material, but you'd carry a weapon made of soap if it could wound the dead. It's notched, pitted, holds an edge for about three seconds and has been twisted back into shape countless times; constant application of walrus blubber mitigates the rust somewhat, but considering what's in the air here the final outcome is not in doubt. Locating a replacement for when the dear old thing falls to bits is one of your more pressing concerns. > You examine the cheese They say that everything good that comes from Hell was stolen from somewhere else. Though mostly true, there are caveats: a good blue cheese that matured in certain of the middle circles is a thing beyond words. You plan to keep this one for yourself. > You hit the firebox with the shovel (first taking the fireman's shovel) You give the door a couple of solid thumps, then slip the edge of the fireman's shovel between lid and rim and twist. With a satisfying crack, the frost-locked door gives a fraction of an inch; it should open now. > You open the firebox Ugh. There's an agubulge - a minor ice imp - in there. It hasn't been there too long, you think; there's not much of an ice-mass, just a lot of frost all over everything. > You take the agubulge That's fixed in place. > You hit the agubulge with the shovel You lean in and give it a few solid stabs with the sharp end. There is a satisfying squashing sound. After this, it's a simple matter to get a fire going with coal-chips. You bask in the heat, unfamiliar and welcome after your time in Cocytus.

[Themes: Fantasy, female protagonist, hell, fantasy] > Look around Although the ideal crew of a 'gin of this class is three, the Quagga has been rigged to allow it to be crewed one-handed, though you'd break your back jumping between helm and firebox at anything faster than a trot. The cut-down controls - essentially just the gearshaft and helm - will not exactly allow you to fight any cavalry actions, but fortunately Hell is short on armour regiments. With the engine at rest, the floor slants down rather towards the engine's front. > You go outside The imposing bulk of the Iron Quagga takes up much of the space here. > You look at the hip Which do you mean, the aft right limb or the aft left limb? > Wave demonoscope at aft right hip joint Lamentably, it's still there, if the blessed's reaction is anything to go by. > Inventory You are carrying: a fireman's shovel a bog-iron scramaseax a demonoscope a pile of loot a wheel of artisanal Camberzola a Camus first edition a spun silver birdcage (closed) an ornamental imp an octavo of Shakespeare fanfiction > You examine the aft right hip joint Big mass of ice. Icicles. Probably an imp deep inside. Not going anywhere until it's dealt with. > You hit the agubulge with the shovel You bash off the more fragile icicles and a few chips of ice, but your progress is rather limited. > You examine agubulge A mass of ice, at the centre of which is presumably a cold-imp. The things are mindless and relatively easy to deal with, on the whole, except that they breed. By means of microscopic eggs. The last time you stumbled into a swarm of them you had to take three saunas a day for two weeks and boil everything you owned; but hopefully any eggs will get killed off by engine heat if you can just get rid of this one and get things running. > You open the birdcage That's already open. > You get imp (the ornamental imp) Taken. > You look at the imp (the ornamental imp) The smallest and most stupid demons come in innumerable shapes, most of them hideous; a few breeds, however, are rather attractive and are worn as ornaments by ladies of fashion. They don't breed true, however, which ensures that there's constant demand for wild specimens. Occultists love to grumble about being priced out of the market. This specimen is of the type usually worn on a fine silver chain around the wrist and used by demimondaines to light their cigarettes; it resembles a butterfly-wing folded into abstract origami, with eyes. > Light imp (the ornamental imp) As carefully as you can, you slip a finger and thumb through the imp's angular folds and give its abdomen a squeeze. You are rewarded with a small and flickering flame that dances over its wingtips like an aurora. > You burn agubulge The symmetry of the solution has appeal, but as it turns out the ornamental demon's flame is far too faint to melt more than a few droplets of ice. > Inventory You are carrying: an ornamental imp (providing light) a fireman's shovel a bog-iron scramaseax a demonoscope a pile of loot a wheel of artisanal Camberzola a Camus first edition a spun silver birdcage (open but empty) an octavo of Shakespeare fanfiction > You go inside > Inventory You are carrying: an ornamental imp (providing light) a fireman's shovel a bog-iron scramaseax a demonoscope a pile of loot a wheel of artisanal Camberzola a Camus first edition a spun silver birdcage (open but empty) > You examine the cheese They say that everything good that comes from Hell was stolen from somewhere else. Though mostly true, there are caveats: a good blue cheese that matured in certain of the middle circles is a thing beyond words. You plan to keep this one for yourself. > Melt cheese Cupping your hands, you hold the Camberzola over the top of the firebox. Your hands are weather-beaten and gnarly enough to take the temperature, but the cheese is not so fortunate; in a few minutes it has turned into a thick goo. > You examine the cheese A short time ago this was a peerless cheese. Now it's a semi-liquid glob, still delicious but rather less manageable. > You eat the cheese That's plainly inedible. > You insert cheese in the gearbox You slop the gooey mess down the slots. There is a pause while it slithers down into the depths of the gearbox; then there is a high-pitched gurgle of joy, a sound like a bellows with teeth, and lastly a terminal-sounding *sploch*. > Wave demonoscope at gearbox Looks as if it's clear now. You think you detect a look of sadness in the blessed's eye, but that's probably projection. > You wear the helm (first taking the helm) That's hardly portable. > You examine the firebox Essentially, this is just a big iron box through which a lot of piping runs; you set a big fire inside, the water in the pipes turns to steam, and then Technology happens and stompy iron feet crush all before them. A good fire has been set inside, and the furnace is starting to radiate heat. > You examine the gearbox A misbegotten and unruly lever that presides over the Blazing Host universally-reviled gearbox. The usual paces - reverse, neutral, shuffle, walk, march, trot, killing trot, canter - are all there, and at least you don't have to deal with the dandyish Parade March gear that's become obligatory on modern builds. But it jams constantly, has a tendency to slip straight into a canter if you change from march to walk too casually, and screams bloody murder if changed a little too early or late. Its saving grace is that, though bad, it takes a great deal of punishment to make it any worse. The stick is currently in neutral. The slots for the other gear positions open up into darkness. > You turn the stick It is fixed in place. > You set the gearbox to shuffle With a clangor like an angel's death-rattle, the engine steps out. The furnace roars and cracks at your back, the icy wind of the great ice lake scorches your face, and inside your gut the fierce slow burn of a hard-bought victory. > You set the gearbox to killing the trot Shifting straight into killing trot from a dead start is unwise, particularly on slippery, uneven ground like this. > You set gearbox to reverse Shifting straight into reverse from a dead start is unwise, particularly on slippery, uneven ground like this.

[Themes: Fantasy, female protagonist, hell, fantasy] > Look around Although the ideal crew of a 'gin of this class is three, the Quagga has been rigged to allow it to be crewed one-handed, though you'd break your back jumping between helm and firebox at anything faster than a trot. The cut-down controls - essentially just the gearshaft and helm - will not exactly allow you to fight any cavalry actions, but fortunately Hell is short on armour regiments. With the engine at rest, the floor slants down rather towards the engine's front.

Are you sure you want to quit? a retelling of those events based on the finding of Mr. Sherlock Holmes of 221b Baker Street You are in the western part of your study. Before the library, which has been started by your grandfather Jeremiah, this houses the display case with your findings from your last expedition to the Americas. [Author's Note: Suicide In this Holmesian short story, you play as Professor Mangleworth, despondent about the death of your daughter, your little dragonfly. You plan to kill yourself, but your death must not appear as a suicide, or you will bring great shame to your family.] > You examine the display case Furnished from dark oak and lined with red velvet, this houses the polished piece of labradorite which you brought back in 1875 and which one and for all disproved Jemmings theory of geoloic expansion. Long gone are the days when you would take it out and muse at it's significance. After what happened Maura, it all became shallow. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a bowtie (being worn) a top hat (being worn) > You remove the bowtie You take off the bowtie. > You wear the bowtie You put on the bowtie. > You examine bowtie It's quite dapper.

> You describe your surroundings You are in the western part of your study. Before the library, which has been started by your grandfather Jeremiah, this houses the display case with your findings from your last expedition to the Americas. > Open case The key is carried by one of the valets. > Go east An ornate lead glass window is open to the garden. Through it you can see the cage which houses the thylacine. Beside the window stands another display case. Further to the east is your desk. > You examine the window Right outside the window is a huge heap of kindling wood, part of your plan. > You look at the thylacine This one you brought back from Tasmania, after it had howled for hours in one of your traps and you went out to shoot it. It has the body of a wolf and tiger stripes on its haunches. It looks as unhappy as it did the day you caught it, pacing back and forth powerlessly as if even that activity has become meaningless. > You examine the cage It's a functional metal cage, its floor covered with hay. A single bar is all that keeps the thylacaine from escaping. > You look at display case This velvet houses a bismuth crystal. It was given to you by the grandson of Claude François Geoffroy, in recognition of your travels to Antarctica in the early 1860s. It was in early 1863, 6 months after you left, that Maura was born. You only received the news on your return to Spitzbergen in 1865. And when you finally returned home, she was already toddling around the living room. > Go east This mahagoni desk was given to you by your parents on the day you received your doctorate. Many hours were spent here, hours probably better spent elsewhere. It has a single drawer. On the desk is a jar of silica. Mounted on the wall above the desk are the bow and arrow, given to you by the people of Melanesia. A small table stands to one side. On it is a flower pot and a squirt gun. > You look at the squirt gun It's a small brass squirt gun. Once it was one of Mauras toys, now you use it to SPRAY the flower occasionally. It has gotten a more sinister use today. You've filled it with the poison of the Pseudonaja, one of Australias deadliest snakes. Once you sprayed yourself with it, you'll be dead within a hearbeat. > You take the gun Taken. > You examine the silica It is only half full. You were frantically working on your categorization of minerals at the time, to be ready for the composium the following month. Your wife had tried time and time again to raise your mind towards the state of Maura's health. You only visited her once in all those weeks, when she was already riddled beyond all earthly hope with that terrible disease. That was the last time you called her your dragonfly. A mildly mocking nickname from her unsteady childhood days. Dragonflies were a bad omen among your ancestors; Surely little Maura was for the valets and maids and the kitchenware. You dropped that jar when your butler informed you of her death, and when it rolled away across the carpet you began to realize how much had been rolling away from you fast, messily spilling its contents, all your days. > You look at the flower A small flower, added by your wife to make this room less gloomy. You never paid it much mind. > You open the drawer You open the drawer, revealing a hand guard. > You examine the guard It's a leather hand guard for archery. > You look at the bow You never used yourself, but you've seen the chief SHOOT a turtle with this very bow.

> Look around This mahagoni desk was given to you by your parents on the day you received your doctorate. Many hours were spent here, hours probably better spent elsewhere. It has a single drawer. A small table stands to one side. On it is nothing. > You take the drawer That seems to be a part of the desk. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: Bow and arrow a hand guard a flower pot a jar of silica a squirt gun a bowtie (being worn) a top hat (being worn) > You spray the flower You can only do that to something animate. > You wear the guard You put on the hand guard. > Shoot bar Taking careful aim, you fire the arrow across the garden and hit the bar dead-on. The arrow shatters into unrecognizable pieces of wood, as you predicted, The door swings open with a slight creak. The thylacine is confused at first - it sniffs the morning air, then takes one tentative step outside. There is shouting from the house. The tasmanian wolf take this as its cuse and dashes across the lawn and into the wood. You break the bow across and stuff it into a heap of kindling below the window. > You examine the cage It's a functional metal cage, its floor covered with hay. > You check your inventory You are carrying: a hand guard (being worn) a flower pot a jar of silica a squirt gun a bowtie (being worn) a top hat (being worn) > You examine the case This velvet houses a bismuth crystal. It was given to you by the grandson of Claude François Geoffroy, in recognition of your travels to Antarctica in the early 1860s. It was in early 1863, 6 months after you left, that Maura was born. You only received the news on your return to Spitzbergen in 1865. And when you finally returned home, she was already toddling around the living room. > You remove the hat You take off the top hat. > You examine the pot A small flower, added by your wife to make this room less gloomy. You never paid it much mind. > You spray self You shoot a good dose of the poison straight into your mouth. You'll be dead within seconds now. > Wait Time passes. The poison works as quickly as expected. There is little pain. You have freed the thylacine from a prison far different and yet similar to your own, but this clearly looks like suicide. The shame on your family will be great.

> Look around An ornate lead glass window is open to the garden. Through it you can see the cage which houses the thylacine. Beside the window stands another display case. Further to the east is your desk. > Go east This mahagoni desk was given to you by your parents on the day you received your doctorate. Many hours were spent here, hours probably better spent elsewhere. It has a single drawer. A small table stands to one side. On it is nothing. > You open the drawer That's already open. > You eat the silica That's plainly inedible. > You check what you're carrying You are carrying: a hand guard (being worn) a flower pot a jar of silica a squirt gun a bowtie (being worn) a top hat > You remove the guard You take off the hand guard. > You examine the guard It's a leather hand guard for archery. > You put the flower on the table You put the flower pot on small table. > You put the gun on the table You put the squirt gun on small table. The poison works as quickly as expected. There is little pain. "But what made you realize that this was not a heart attack from seeing his famed animal escape, my dear Holmes?" "I am not yet ready to believe, Watson, that there are people in this world who are more hurt by the escape of a, however, prestigious, animal, then the death of their own daughter. This made me think that mayhaps we gave the Professor too little credit for human emotion in our investigations. The piece of string you idly observe the house cat play with on that heap of kindling was another hint that something was not quite right here; And finally, the sorry stage of this begonia made me investigate the squirt gun and solve this mystery. However, I propose, assuming your complicity, we let this matter rest and not get our good friend Lestrade involved in this. This family has quite suffered enough." "Will this be a warning to you, my dear friend, to the effect of not letting yourself get too caught up in matters far removed from the world?" "Some day, dear friend, some day. But first, I have this interesting matter of the giant rat of Sumatra to consider."

[Themes: Fantasy, fantasy, magic, humor] There is an actinic flash. The seat belt signs illuminate. On the overhead speakers, the pilot mechanically reassures the passengers that the minor turbulence is no cause for concern. A second, more abrupt crash and the plane lurches. Air masks drop. An overhead baggage bin flies open, and lobsters pour out. Ignoring the passengers in your section, you let the food cart topple forward, the potatoes au gratin mixing with the fettuccine and mango compote. You climb towards the lavatory and throw the latch from "vacant" to "occupied." The plane revolves slowly -- pushing you towards the wall -- even as the sudden loss of altitude makes you feel lighter. Parboiled crustaceans at 30,000 feet by Ben and Jack Type "help" for instructions. A claustrophobic vertical coffin, lit by blue-tinted fluorescent bulbs and smelling of disinfectant. A uselessly small vestigial sink, a unisex toilet, and a mirror are the only furnishings in the room. Your uncanny (yet invariably useful) sense of direction tells you that the aft compartment of the plane is to the west. You can see a bathroom door and a sink (empty) here. [Author's Note: A flying tube of riveted aluminum the length of a football field, a swarm of angry carnivorous lobsters, a seething mass of frightened mortal passengers, and a renowned High Wizard who you sworn to protect. Hope you brought a bib.] > About you Four-hundred and eighty-six years, and you look like a supermodel. That's partly due to your inherently superior breeding, and partly attributable to the plastic surgery, cybernetic implants and magical enhancements all courtesy of The Republic. You almost slip as the plane pulls up suddenly. Good thing you had the mango compote for lunch and not the fettucine. > Inventory You are carrying: a pair of high-heeled shoes (being worn) a flight attendant uniform (being worn) a magic wand > You look at the shoes Shiny, high-heeled shoes. Part of the TRANSGLOBAL AIRLINES uniform. Your least favorite part. > You examine the uniform A dark blue pants suit, with smart, military-style epaulets, a stripe down each sleeve, and gold embroidery on the cuffs. A pair of silver wings is pinned to your left breast, just below your name tag. The pressed, pleated pants continue the faux-military look. You are surprised that TRANSGLOBAL AIRLINES spent so much time and effort on designing the uniforms and so little effort verifying your identity before handing it over to you. Above the chaos in the plane's cabin, you can just make out the automated message, "Please turn off all electronic devices including cell phones and two-way pagers. The flight crew will instruct... It's got my eye! My eye! I can't see! Get it off me! Get it off me! ...thank you for complying with these regulations, which contribute to everyone's safety." The rest is lost in the screaming. > You examine the wand Your wand is a mid-19th century Celtic model, passed down to you on your Father's side (who used it to conjure food during the great Irish Potato Famine). It appears to be broken in the disaster, though; you'll have to take a second look. You hear the sound of metal scraping against metal. > You look at the wand Once capable of casting nearly any class-N spell, the spell-selector dial seems utterly broken. You're unsure what will happen when you USE WAND ON SOMETHING. Once capable of casting nearly any class-N spell, the spell-selector dial seems utterly broken. You're unsure what will happen when you USE WAND ON SOMETHING. From the cabin you hear someone trying to reason with a carnivorous lobster.

[Themes: Fantasy, fantasy, magic] > You look at your surroundings A tight, poorly lit, aircraft bathroom. Ordinarily, a welcome refuge from the demanding mortal customers who need to use planes to move from one place to another, but now a safe haven from the carnivorous lobsters infesting the plane. The mirror, toilet, paper roll, and smoke detector are unremarkable. Your uncanny (yet invariably useful) sense of direction tells you that the aft compartment of the plane is to the west. You can see a bathroom door and a sink (empty) here. > You look at the sink A small metal bowl with two knobs, marked "hot" and "cold", and a faucet. The sink is bone dry. There is a plaintive whine from the motors that are supposed to lower the landing gears. Back when the plane had landing gears. > You use the wand on the sink The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The sink suddenly blinks out of existence! The plane whips back and forth, as if the rudder controls are no longer working properly. > You use the wand on the sink The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The sink suddenly blinks out of existence! > You use the wand on the toilet The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The toilet suddenly blinks out of existence! > You use the wand on yourself The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. You hear a strange tingling sound; a large cod fish suddenly materializes. > You get the cod You're sure it would snap your fingers off if you tried! > You look at the cod A three-foot long, reddish-brown predatory fish. You guess it weighs at least 25 pounds, and it appears fairly mean and hungry. Crustaceans are its main food. It is not happy to be out of the water. > You unlock door What do you want to unlock the bathroom door with? > You pull the latch You yank back and forth on the latch, when you realize that what you really want to do is just open or close it. Clearly, your mind is too powerful for the trivial devices that clutter the meaningless existence of mortals. > Open latch The latch slips to the side. The plane whips back and forth, as if the rudder controls are no longer working properly. > You open the door You open the bathroom door. > You wait Time passes. > You use the wand on the cod The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. The cod vibrates a bit, but nothing else happens. The cod struggles on the ground. > You use the wand on the door The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. The bathroom door vibrates a bit, but nothing else happens. > Go east You stumble and lurch, unable to maintain your tip-toed balance on the sloping floor. Your shoes may be fashionable, but are not very functional when it comes to airplane disasters. > You remove the shoes You take off the high-heeled shoes. > You remove the shoes You're not wearing those. You are thrown against the wall as the plane pitches over violently. The harried passengers are whipped to an ever more desperate state of alarm. > You go west A cramped storage section in the rear of the plane, where, if you remember correctly, some emergency supplies are supposed to be stored. The floor slopes upward to the economy section. The emergency escape hatch is inset into the wall. You can see a bathroom door and an equipment bin (closed) here. The plane slams into the ocean, skipping like a rock, before sinking like one. The aft section of the plane pitches downward, flipping you sideways. Water jets into the cabin from seams that are not as tight as you had hoped. Moments later, you are ankle-deep in frigid salt water. Snap, crackle, pop! The big ones are molting. And advancing.

[Themes: Fantasy, magic] > Look around A cramped storage section in the rear of the plane, where, if you remember correctly, some emergency supplies are supposed to be stored. The floor slopes upward to the economy section. The emergency escape hatch is inset into the wall. You can see a bathroom door and an equipment bin (closed) here. > You use the wand on yourself The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Out of nowhere, a toilet suddenly appears! Obviously, someone from the FOB got wind of Meretzky's presence on this flight. Apparently, you guessed wrong about them wanting to recover him alive. > You use the wand on yourself The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. Luckily, every novice mage learns to repel this effect in first year of academy. The energy dissipates around you. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards yourself, freezing him instantly. Why lobsters? Why now? It's too much for one Guardian to handle. Like there is ever a good time for lobsters... > You use the wand on the wand Your hand tingles as the wand's self-referential recursion dampener sucks the spell back in before it can affect the very wand that cast it. Lobsters scuttle along the aisle, between seats, provoking screams of fear from the crash survivors. How clich?d. This may have worked back in the day, but come on. Carnivorous lobsters? Have they no decency? You conclude that they are called the "Forces of Banality" for a good reason. > You open the bin What lousy equipment. The bin has never been easy to open and seems stuck shut. Before the magical attack, you had worked your way through most of the economy and business class, but still hadn't located High Wizard Meretzky. You had assumed that he would not be so obvious as to fly first class, but this is not a good day for your assumptions. > Go east A tight, poorly lit, aircraft bathroom. Ordinarily, a welcome refuge from the demanding mortal customers who need to use planes to move from one place to another, but now a safe haven from the carnivorous lobsters infesting the plane. The mirror, paper roll, and smoke detector are unremarkable. Your uncanny (yet invariably useful) sense of direction tells you that the aft compartment of the plane is to the west. You can see a bathroom door, a cod, and a sink (empty) here. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You go to the west A cramped storage section in the rear of the plane, where, if you remember correctly, some emergency supplies are supposed to be stored. The floor slopes upward to the economy section. The emergency escape hatch is inset into the wall. You can see a bathroom door and an equipment bin (closed) here. Two years of deep cover as a stewardess. A bloody stewardess! Waiting hand and foot on these sink holes of attentions. And for what? The biggest failure of your career. If you lose Meretzky, it will be a death blow to The Republic, and nothing will be able to stop the Forces of Banality and their langustinian minions. > You use the wand on the bin The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The equipment bin suddenly blinks out of existence! The plane shudders, then angles downward just a bit more. You can't see any such thing. > You look at what you're carrying with you You are carrying: a pair of high-heeled shoes a flight attendant uniform (being worn) a magic wand > You take off the shoes The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. You hear a strange tingling sound; a large cod fish suddenly materializes. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. The cockpit radio crackles to life for a moment, burps static, then falls silent. You're not wearing those. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. Sobs of the still-living reach your ears; moans you cannot bear to hear. > You use the wand on the uniform The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. The flight attendant uniform vibrates a bit, but nothing else happens. > You use the wand on the uniform The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Out of nowhere, an equipment bin suddenly appears! A lobster scuttles towards your foot, but you quickly punt it back. > You open the bin What lousy equipment. The bin has never been easy to open and seems stuck shut. > You use the wand on the bin The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards the equipment bin, freezing it instantly. In response, yourself thaws out. > You look at the wand Once capable of casting nearly any class-N spell, the spell-selector dial seems utterly broken. You're unsure what will happen when you USE WAND ON SOMETHING. > You use the wand on the self The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. You feel sick as the world suddenly turns inside-out. Uh oh. Not good. Grey mists swirl around you. You are lost somewhere between universes. You can see a twinkie and a statuette here. > You get twinkie Golden brown, and every bit as edible as the day it rolled off the assembly line. Taken. > You look at the statuette It abstractly resembles a tornado of some sort. On the bottom is some intricate inscription. There is just enough light here to read it. > You read it Welcome to Limbo! You may be the unlucky target of an angry mage, but if you believe you arrived here in error, please don't hesitate to file a 951-EZ-5C report with your local dimensional constabulary. Assuming you have a popping spell to exit this place, that is. Have a great day. Welcome to Limbo! You may be the unlucky target of an angry mage, but if you believe you arrived here in error, please don't hesitate to file a 951-EZ-5C report with your local dimensional constabulary. Assuming you have a popping spell to exit this place, that is. Have a great day. > Keep going The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. Unfortunately, this spell is certainly not enough to get you out of this predicament. > You fix the wand You are a Guardian of the People's Republic of IF -- not a repairwoman. Besides, you always end up with more parts than you start. > You use wand on the self The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Your head reels as everything turns outside-in again. A cramped storage section in the rear of the plane, where, if you remember correctly, some emergency supplies are supposed to be stored. The floor slopes upward to the economy section. The emergency escape hatch is inset into the wall. You can see a bathroom door and an equipment bin (closed) here. > You use the wand on the bathroom door The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards the bathroom door, freezing it instantly. In response, the equipment bin thaws out. > You use the wand on the bin The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The equipment bin suddenly blinks out of existence! > You use the wand on the twinkie The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The twinkie suddenly blinks out of existence! > You use the wand on yourself The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. You hear a strange tingling sound; a large cod fish suddenly materializes. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You use the wand on the bin The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. The equipment bin vibrates for a moment, and suddenly comes unstuck! The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You open the bin You open the equipment bin, revealing a memo. Salt water rolls down your cheek and into your mouth. > You read the memo Flight crew: please be sure that this compartment contains the following items prior to departure: * First Aid Kit * Flare Gun * Emergency Radio * Crustacean Repellent * Mountain Climbing Gear * Shark Defense Cage * Personal Jet Pack * Entertainment System, Mark V The smell of malevolent arthropods burns your nose. > You look in the bin In the equipment bin is a memo. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You use the wand on yourself The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Out of nowhere, a twinkie suddenly appears! > You use the wand on the cod The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards the cod, freezing him instantly. In response, the bathroom door thaws out. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You use the wand on the memo The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The memo suddenly blinks out of existence! > You use the wand on the door The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The bathroom door flickers a moment, but seems immune to the spell. You figure it's probably some sort of built-in safeguard. > You use the wand on memo The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. The cod sparks a bit, but nothing happens. You hear a strange tingling sound; a large cod fish suddenly materializes. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You use the wand on bin The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. The cod sparks a bit, but nothing happens. You hear a strange tingling sound; a large cod fish suddenly materializes. > You go north You can't go that way. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You go south You can't go that way. Distant screams echo from elsewhere; the cracking of human skulls by vorpal claws. > You look A cramped storage section in the rear of the plane, where, if you remember correctly, some emergency supplies are supposed to be stored. The floor slopes upward to the economy section. The emergency escape hatch is inset into the wall. You can see a cod, a twinkie, a bathroom door, and an equipment bin (in which is a memo) here. > You look at the hatch A sturdy curved door mounted on heavy internal hinges. For emergency use only, as it says. You mumble to yourself. How did the Forces of Banality located this plane so quickly? This is definitely above your pay grade. > Up Row after row of tightly packed seats, with minimal padding, sharp corners, and ratty seat belts. Back in the day, these seats would have come with heavy oars and leg irons. Well, nostalgia will have to wait. You have a plane full of lobsters to deal with, and a High Wizard to find. A movie screen swings above one seat; a closed overhead compartment limits the headroom in this section. Various half-eaten corpses of economy passengers lay strewn about, with crustaceans crawling over many of them. Over in seat 31A, a schoolmarm-ish woman is attemping to scream in agony, but is too exhausted to make a sound. You can also see a spiny lobster and a cart here. > You examine the cart A food cart, meant to be pushed Sisyphus-fashion up and down the aisles of this plane until your penance is complete. It appears to be tilted and solldly wedged against the seats, unmoving. > You use the wand on the cart The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's > You use the wand on cart the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. The cart vibrates for a moment, and suddenly comes unstuck! The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Nothing happens. > You get the cart That's fixed in place. > You pull the cart It is fixed in place. Some water drips onto your head from a ceiling leak somewhere. > Go north A food cart, meant to be pushed Sisyphus-fashion up and down the aisles of this plane until your penance is complete. You can't go that way. > Go upwards You're stopped in your tracks by the pitiful moans of the schoolmarm being eaten alive. > You use the wand on lobster The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Nothing happens. The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. Alas, this one is too big; you recognize an antimagic aura glowing around it. The lobsters scuttle and screetch in malicious glee. > You use the wand on the lobster The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. Alas, this one is too big; you recognize an antimagic aura glowing around it. > You use the wand on the lobster The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. You hear a strange tingling sound; a large cod fish suddenly materializes. The cod looks the spiny lobster over, and decides that its spiky carapace would not be a pleasant chew. In a suprisingly low and rich baritone, the cod says to you, "I can take care of some of the smaller ones -- I'm sure you can handle this one." Before you can fret, he swims under the seats in search of dinner. A wave of nausea hits you; the smell of human blood and melted butter. > You look at the lobster A three-foot long spiny lobster gnaws on the schoolmarm's shoulder with wild abandon. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You examine the schoolmarm Covered in blood and seawater, her eyes are shell-shocked. She's barely alive. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. You hear the clickety-clack of angry claws somewhere nearby. > You use the wand on the schoolmarm The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. The schoolmarm vibrates a bit, but nothing else happens. Seriously. When this ordeal is over, you're definitely going to put in for that pay raise. > You use the wand on the schoolmarm The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Nothing happens. Time is running out. You can hear them splashing closer. > You use the wand on schoolmarm The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards the schoolmarm, freezing her instantly. In response, the cod thaws out. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You use the wand on the schoolmarm You can't do that; the schoolmarm appears to be frozen, and thus impervious to all interaction. > You use the wand on the cart The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards the cart, freezing it instantly. In response, the cod thaws out. > You use the wand on the schoolmarm The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The schoolmarm suddenly blinks out of existence! The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You look at lobster A three-foot long spiny lobster clicks at you menacingly with huge claws. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You kill the lobster Your bare hands are no good here. You need a decent weapon!

[Themes: Fantasy, magic, humor] > Look around Row after row of tightly packed seats, with minimal padding, sharp corners, and ratty seat belts. A movie screen swings above one seat; a closed overhead compartment limits the headroom in this section. Various half-eaten corpses of economy passengers lay strewn about, with crustaceans crawling over many of them. You can see a cod, a spiny lobster, and a cart here. > You examine the screen A dirty gray panel mounted on the overhead compartment. Movies are shown here to take people's minds off how very unpleasant it is to fly economy. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You open compartment You open the overhead compartment, revealing a banjo. > You examine the banjo A Stelling Red Fox model, circa 2006. It glows with bluegrass goodness. You wonder which unfortunate bloke it belonged to. > You get the banjo The spiny lobster looks fearfully at the banjo. > Up A stainless steel compartment between the self-absorbed slobs in business class up ahead and the unwashed masses and screaming babies in economy down below. Interestingly, whereas other parts of the plane are sloshing in a foot of water, this area remains totally dry. On the counter is a microwave (closed). > You open the microwave A black cat darts out of the microwave, looks around uncertainly, and runs immediately through the wall of the plane. > You turn on the microwave You switch the microwave on. > Up Rows of seats that are spaced the way economy seats used to be spaced about five years ago. It is enough to make the gullible mortals feel superior to those in economy, while still stripping them subtly of their humanity. It is your favorite section of the plane. Northward, a narrow, staircase spirals toward to the first class section. Just above the business class is the bulkhead that leads to the cockpit. And clearly the vast mass of hungry lobsters have decided to make a final stand against you here. They stop their flesh-feeding, teem and swarm, then all spin around to face you. They take up battle positions along the central aisle. You have no idea how you're going to get past the lobster mob. The lobster mob pulsates and wiggles threateningly at you, claws at the ready. You can also see a staircase and a closed bulkhead here. > You examine the bulkhead A security bulkhead that separates the business section from the flight deck. The bulkhead seems to be jammed shut. > You use the wand on mob The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. Your attempt to summon a creature, but the sheer quantity of radiant animal magic overpowers your wand. There will be no summoning in Business class today. > Open bulkhead The crash must have slightly warped the heavy metal door. It appears to be jammed shut. > You use wand on the bulkhead The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. The closed bulkhead vibrates for a moment, and suddenly comes unstuck! The hull creaks and groans from stress. You wonder how much time you have. > Up With the lobster mob there? Are you kidding? > Open bulkhead You open the open bulkhead. > You examine mob A heinous conglomeration of angry arthropods ready to defend their territory. And possibly devour your leg in the process. > You examine the bulkhead A security bulkhead that separates the business section from the flight deck. The bulkhead is open. > You use the wand on mob The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Out of nowhere, a schoolmarm suddenly appears! > You use the wand on the mob The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. There are just too many of them; the freeze-spell can't handle them all and fizzles out. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards the lobster mob, freezing him instantly.

[Themes: Fantasy, magic, humor] > Go downwards A stainless steel compartment between the self-absorbed slobs in business class up ahead and the unwashed masses and screaming babies in economy down below. Interestingly, whereas other parts of the plane are sloshing in a foot of water, this area remains totally dry. On the counter is a microwave (empty). A wave of nausea hits you; the smell of human blood and melted butter.

[Themes: Fantasy, humor] > Go down Row after row of tightly packed seats, with minimal padding, sharp corners, and ratty seat belts. A movie screen swings above one seat; an open overhead compartment limits the headroom in this section. Various half-eaten corpses of economy passengers lay strewn about, with crustaceans crawling over many of them. You can see a broken banjo, a cod, and a cart here. > You put the cod on the cart You need to be holding the cod before you can put him on top of something else. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. The plane shudders, then angles downward just a bit more. > You get the cod You're sure it would snap your fingers off if you tried! Salt water rolls down your cheek and into your mouth. > You use the wand on the cod The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The cod suddenly blinks out of existence! Seriously. When this ordeal is over, you're definitely going to put in for that pay raise. > You use the wand on the cart You can't see any such thing. The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. You hear a strange tingling sound; a large cod fish suddenly materializes. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You use the wand on the cod The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you discover it's the JIGGER spell, which un-jams things. The cod vibrates a bit, but nothing else happens. > You use the wand on the cod The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Nothing happens. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You use the wand on the cod The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards the cod, freezing him instantly. The hull creaks and groans from stress. You wonder how much time you have. > You get the cod You can't do that; the cod appears to be frozen, and thus impervious to all interaction. Some water drips onto your head from a ceiling leak somewhere. > You put the cod on the cart You can't do that; the cod appears to be frozen, and thus impervious to all interaction. > You use the wand on the cart The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you quickly recognize the FREEZE spell, which magically holds things fixed in place. A bolt of icy-blue lightning shoots from the wand towards the cart, freezing it instantly. The rather large cod swims around, looking for food. > You use the wand on the cod The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you witness the PUSH spell, which sends things to limbo. The cod suddenly blinks out of existence! > You ascend A stainless steel compartment between the self-absorbed slobs in business class up ahead and the unwashed masses and screaming babies in economy down below. Interestingly, whereas other parts of the plane are sloshing in a foot of water, this area remains totally dry. On the counter is a microwave (empty). > Go upward Rows of seats that are spaced the way economy seats used to be spaced about five years ago. It is enough to make the gullible mortals feel superior to those in economy, while still stripping them subtly of their humanity. It is your favorite section of the plane. Northward, a narrow, staircase spirals toward to the first class section. Just above the business class is the bulkhead that leads to the cockpit. Over in seat 31A, a schoolmarm-ish woman is too exhausted to make a sound. The lobster mob pulsates and wiggles threateningly at you, claws at the ready. You can also see a staircase and an open bulkhead here. > You use the wand on yourself The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you realize it's the BALANCE spell, which summons elements to even out a situation. Your attempt to summon a creature, but the sheer quantity of radiant animal magic overpowers your wand. There will be no summoning in Business class today. You mumble to yourself. How did the Forces of Banality located this plane so quickly? This is definitely above your pay grade. > You use the wand on yourself The wand glows with energy as you flick it... and you watch the POP spell surface, which returns things from limbo. Out of nowhere, a cod suddenly appears! Fedora-brimmed lobster mobsters snear at the lone cod, like bullies on a playgroud. The mob boss, a three-and-a-half pounder with only one claw, steps forward, gesturing wildly with the Gl?ck in his good claw. "Well," he taunts, "if it ain't the natural enemy of the lobster, Gadus morhua, the Atlantic Cod." At the mention of his taxonomic classification, some of the younger lobsters looks worried, their antennae flitting back and forth in concern. The boss continues brashly, "Boys, I think tonight's main dish is... sushi! The boss looks back at his mob, and there is a murmur of agreement. Before the boss is done gloating, however, the fish pulls a modified Kalashnikov assault rifle from its bulky trenchcoat. One of the hench-lobsters barely has time to say, "Boss, watch out for the cod piece!" before the silver-scaled avenger lets loose with a barrage of phosphor-tipped rounds, which both cook and mince the lobster meat into a tasty salad. The passengers in the business section, who are used to such things, merely assume it is the inflight meal, and quickly polish off the remains of the former gang. The cod, having rebalanced the karmic forces of the universe, happily blinks out of existence. You hear the clickety-clack of angry claws somewhere nearby.