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z06kau

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/97742redditthrowaway in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xbmuqe/my_husband_of_19_years_cheated_on_me_at_his_work/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (11 Sept 22) **My husband of 19 years cheated on me at his work party** He's a software developer and there was a party at a restaurant to celebrate the completion of a project. I had to work (911 operator) so I wasn't there. I found out when people started telling me how sorry they were. I had no idea what they meant until someone told me to check the social media. There are pictures where he is in the background kissing and otherwise all over a woman. Some with her hand down his pants. Not just a single picture but many of them. It is all over the start up's and his colleague's social media showing how close they got. My husband was trying to damage control but when I told him I knew he said he had sex with the waitress. I'm humiliated because everyone knows and I'm terrified that our 17 year-old will see them. My husband wants to go to counseling and stay together but I don't think I can do that. My worst fear is my daughter finding out. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytnvlc/update_my_husband_of_19_years_cheated_on_me_at/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (13 Nov 22) **Update My husband of 19 years cheated on me at his work party** Background: My husband had a work dinner at a local restaurant. He cheated on me with a waitress there. I found out because he was in the background of several photos on his work and his colleague's social media making out with her and people told me about it. My husband admitted he had sex with her. The dinner was at 5:30 in the afternoon and he was sober. We have been married for 19 years and have a 17 year old daughter. She is at university right now, in another province. Update: I had decided to divorce him but he tried to convince me to get to go to marriage counselling. I thought this was the only time he cheated but he told me has had a few other one night stands during our marriage. He could not tell me an exact number. That solidified my decision. Since our house was an inherentance before we met it is not countered as martial property. I'm living with my cousin because she needed a roommate and it's a better deal than having a smaller apartment or living with strangers as roommates. My lawyer said I could apply for divorce based on adultery but that it would take over a year to get to court anyways so I applied for a no fault based on a separation for a year. That will be easier to prove, and since we only have one asset (a savings account) and there is no child or spousal support or anything else to divide a no fault is simpler. My lawyer said a fault one for adultery would make no difference in the division of the savings account anyways. My daughter is at university 5700 km away and wasn't scheduled to come home until Christmas because of the distance. If I could have told her in person I would. I told her over Skype. Not all the details just that her father and I are divorcing because he was unfaithful. I didn't go into the details of the work party or his other admission. Part of me is glad she is so far away because she won't be caught in the middle. She's turning 18 next month and her university tuition is covered by a scholarship. But she won't be here to get caught in the middle. Overall I'm doing well. I have good days and bad ones. But at least I found out this time. Better than not knowing what he was doing. That is my update. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - My husband of 19 years cheated on me at his work party.

CONCLUDED

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z06kau/oop_my_husband_of_19_years_cheated_on_me_at_his/

z06mic

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/used-veterinarian978 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yskt1e/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (12 Nov 22) **I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back** My wife and I separated a year and a half ago. Before that we were together for 15 years. 15 happy years. We have two daughters together. 14 and 12. The last two years of our marriage I thought that we have achieved all that we could achieve. Nothing changed and we knew each other by heart. The pandemic years were hard on me mentally being stuck at home 24/7 (I didn't know that at the time I thought I was stagnating and out of love with my wife and that being home made me realize that instead of the truth that I was depressed because of being home all the time albeit with her). When I went back to the office after two years, I thought my change of humor to the positive was because I wasn't with her, instead of the fact that I could actually get out again. I met Ana (f32), she was one of the new people that we hired. Ana is free and happy. Social and high spirited. She took the office by storm. She was the opposite of my shy and calm wife. I remember when I first met my wife. I was the one who asked her out, and first two years into our relationship she confessed to me that she had liked me for at least a year before I asked her out. With Ana, she was honest and verbal about how she had a crush on me. Like an open book. She proposed to me. I told her that I was married and she said that we only lived once and that she just wanted to tell me how she felt no matter if I reciprocated or not. I felt strongly for her. I confessed to my wife that I was out of love with her. She asked me if there was someone else and I said yes. That was enough for her not to try to dissuade me. I know that she was hurt and suffering in secret and I never tried to console her because I didn't want her to know that I knew how much she was hurting. Her pride has always been her dearest possession, I moved out a week later, to Ana. I thought that I was going to be over the moon now but something that was missing even when I felt happy. I thought it was me missing my children and my home. I was used to be with my daughters every day and now I see them only half the time. I thought it was my daughters crying and not speaking to me that hurt me. I thought it was the disappointment in their eyes that disturbed my sleep at night. My wife was my rock even in separation. She made sure that the girls didn't refuse to see me. She kept my image whole and always spoke to them about how I loved them and how good father of a father I was. I knew she was hurting and I could see her missing me but she never once lost her dignity. It was around Christmas when it hit me how much I really lost. Ana had surprised me with a trip to a warm destination because I was feeling down that this would be the first time I wouldn't celebrate with my daughters who chose their mother. Ana always understood that my blueness was because I missed my girls all the time and she tried everything to cheer me up. The night before I we took our trip I dropped by my wife to leave my daughters presents. My wife opened the door and she just looked so serene. I lost my balance on an ice patch and she just said ops and ran towards me to help with the gifts. I caught a whiff of her smell and that was when it all hit me. I did miss my children and my home and my stability but most of all I just missed my wife. I missed her warmth, her voice, her calmness, her wit and most of all her smell when I buried my face in her hair and neck on Saturdays when we could sleep in. I knew that I never really stopped loving her. She wasn't the reason I went through a dark period she was the only light that pushed me forward. I have always missed her. I have tried to explain it away because I have this new brilliant girlfriend who is so different who is teaching me how to be excited again. Every time my wife face is the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning and looked at the person next to me. And every time Ana kissed me and I closed my eyes to try and imagine my wife's smell I pushed these thoughts away because I thought of how miserable my life had been these pandemic years. My wife was putting up the Christmas tree and I asked her if I could stay for a beer and she said yes. I started crying in our kitchen and when she asked I told her that I was missing the girls and how strange it was not to celebrate with them. She comforted me and told me that everything will be okay and to have a nice trip. Change is never easy even if we wanted it. Now another Christmas is approaching. Ana has booked a new adventure for Christmas and I didn't even protest. For the last year, picking the children up or dropping them off has been what I look forward to just to see my wife's face. I have noticed how she has become happier and more in terms with the changes and I envy her. I wish I could just tell her how I feel but I don't want to disturb her healing when she's come so far. I love her like I never loved her before but I dont deserve a moment more of her life after what I did. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yu25w6/i_have_now_broken_up_with_ana/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (13 Nov 22) **I have now broken up with Ana** I feel such a weight lifting. Maybe it is not a nice thing to do. Breaking up with someone before the holidays but I needed this. For my own sake but even for Ana. She doesn't deserve my resentment towards her since I'm the only one to blame for breaking up my marriage. But I can't help but resent her. I can't help but but think I don't want someone like her around my daughters. I hope she will be fine and I wish her luck. ​ Me: I blame nobody but myself for breaking up my marriage. the average comment: so you are saying Ana is the one to blame for breaking up your marriage. ​ I dont know why my comments are being deleted. Probably offended one of the mods. So I will leave this app. ​ I'm not going to bother my wife. I probably need to be alone while trying to sort out my feelings and mental issues. I'm just hoping this would make my girls accept me and my home as their second. ​ I heard about reddit on a podcast. I thought the quality would be better than this. But I made good connections with some people who have/had battled depression. so I'm taking this with a grain of salt. and I'm grateful for those who listened to me ​ have a great life everyone ​ ​ **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back.

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z06mic/oop_i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont/

z06xm4

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I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z06xm4/i_30m_rejected_one_of_my_best_friends_28f_that_i/

z06zx6

[removed]

OOP’s stepson is in love with her daughter

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z06zx6/oops_stepson_is_in_love_with_her_daughter/

z07mz2

Trigger warning: >!Violence. this is about the Boston Marathon bombing!< This is a repost. Original posts by [u/99trumpets](https://www.reddit.com/u/99trumpets) in [r/running](https://www.reddit.com/r/running) \--- **Thursday April 11, 2013** [I'm volunteering at the finish line at Boston for the first time. Anything I should know?](https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/1c539v/im_volunteering_at_the_finish_line_at_boston_for/) Besides not getting in your way. They're going to give us some kind of training that morning but I thought I'd ask and see if you guys have seen volunteers do stupid or helpful things for finishers. I'll be there all day, till the last stragglers come in. \--- **Monday April 15, 2013** **The following is from** u/99trumpets **comments on the** r/running **megathread.** [Explosion at Boston?](https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/1cemo3/comment/c9ftn98/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I was/am volunteering there (am still there). I was at the Gatorade booth about 50ft past the finish. It had been such a happy day. I was holding two Gatorades out to runners looking right at the finish line, Suddenly a big BOOM, absolutely thunderous. I was looking right at it, huge plume of smoke that went halfway up the church, we all just stared, all the runners turned and stared. I thought, "That's not gunfire" (I've lived in Rio, I know gunfire). BOOM, another one, I said "That was an explosion" (duh, I know). Everybody started running. To give you the picture I was at the point where everybody has just stopped running and is savoring victory and EVERYBODY STARTED RUNNING AGAIN - something about this scene was absolutely surreal, to see all those exhausted runners who looked like they could barely walk, just all spring back into action simultaneously like that. Volunteers running too. People abandoning their spots and that's when I thought, "this is the real thing." Me and the other Gatorade girls kind of instinctively backed up till we bumped into the water truck. Bit of a panic for like 5 min because we didn't know if there would be more bombs. I remember thinking "not in my city, no". I remember thinking "I'm not going to leave." Real chaos for a while. Most volunteers left. They were carrying people into the med tent near me. (edit: someone asked - yes I saw the poor poor poor guy who got his feet blown completely off. god fucking dammit.) (another edit: I wanted to get closer to help - I know a fair bit of first aid - but they would not allow it. They didn't need me anyway, they had tons of EMTs and doctors anyway.) The cops needed waters so we ran waters up to the actual site. Then a cop yells "Get these tables out of the way" - the street had a loooooong center aisle of water tables and Gatorade tables, and the ambulances couldn't get in. We all started flinging the water out of the way, as quick as we could. There were only like 5 of us volunteers still there though (the rest had been told to leave) and like ten million tables. The crowd is watching us desperately hurling the waters to the side of the street and then the whole crowd starts LEAPING over the security dividers and helping us haul all the waters and tables out of the way. (edit: Guys were hurling those cartons of Poland Spring water bottles like big footballs!) I didn't start to cry till right then when everybody jumped to help. We all got shepherded away then. But then I kept finding lost runners. It had gotten cold and everybody was wandering all over, streets closed, sirens everywhere, and you'd find some skinny runner girl (who'd just finished a marathon fer chrissake!), shivering and lost and in tears, and no phone and can't find her family. I found like 4 of those runners and walked each to where they needed to be. Just spent over an hour with one who couldn't find her family. (edit: she was trying to hide how scared she was - her brother and dad wouldn't answer their cells - turned out she knew that they'd been right at the finish line. But they were ok, it was just the lines were jammed. She was super cool and calm and collected the whole hour we were trying to call them \[on my phone\]. Shivering in her running gear the whole time. Then the second he and her dad showed up, she fell apart.) I've been watching this race since 1977. I grew up here. This is the first time I've volunteered. I am going to go look for more runners now. Half the streets are shut and the subway's closed, runners can't find their bags or family or their way home. Update later. **update: 2 hrs post blast** they've finally diverted all the runners two blocks over. The remaining ones are coming in, 2 blocks over, to see a more organized setup with the mylar blankets and some of the waters, and they seem not as freaked out because they didn't hear/see the blast - they were miles away. But everybody's still pretty confused and stunned. The subway being shut is a huge problem - nobody can get back to the hotels they're staying at. I just had to tell a runner that she was going to have to walk another mile or so to get to the Red Line because the Green Line subway is closed. Taxis can't get in because so many streets are closed. Also some hotels that runners were staying at were closed off, that were right near the blast site. (edit: 3 hotels were evacuated because of bomb scares.) I just came back home to recharge my phone since it became apparent one of the most useful things I could provide to runners was a working phone. I am typing this up while it charges. While on the T a woman told me there have been bomb scares all over the city, at Tufts Medical and at the footbridge by the Prudential and she said bomb went off at the JFK library. Whole subway car got quiet when she said that. Don't know if that's just rumors. I'm going to give my phone a half hour to recharge, then go back with more layers (I got chilly), to see if I can help with anything. I signed up to volunteer to help runners, dammit, and I'm going to go help runners. **update 2:** I just remembered one of my Gatorade buddies was going to propose to his girlfriend at the finish line. I can't believe I forgot about this till now - we were all so excited about it! He showed us the ring and everything. And now I realize he would have been at the finish line right about the time the bombs went off. I have still not been able to verify that the couple is ok. I am kind of going nuts with worry about this to be honest. **update 9pm**: it's night now. I ended up working runner's bag pickup area for the last 4 hrs. Runners were stopped on course at least back to mile 21. I'm talking to a cop right now who said all runners who were not yet in Boston were sent to Boston College in a big group to wait for bus pickups. As of 8:30pm apparently there are still "about 500" runners still stuck there waiting for buses. We have THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of bags here and can't figure out where the runners are. People's keys and phones are in the bags (we can hear the phones going off...) We've just spent 4 hrs trying to sort out 10,000 jumbled bags by bib number. They had to move the bags in a big frantic hurry and they got all jumbled. oh my god. you cannot imagine what a jigsaw puzzle this is. (I hurt my back slinging bags around, dammit) I found a pair of prosthetic feet that belong to one of the wheelchair racers. (Scott from Atlanta, I hope you got your feet back, I handcarried them myself to the VIP bag area.) It has become apparent that runners are still lost all over and stranded and are w/o their phones, keys, etc. We will be here all night with the bags since so many runners have not been able to pick up their stuff. **update 10pm** \- There's only me and 2 other volunteers left now and a bunch of BAA bigwig staff who are agonizing over things like, we have only 2 guys to stay overnight with 10,000 bags that are literally just lying on the street in heaps, and we didn't want to leave the 2 guys alone because there are no cops to help keep them safe, because all the Boston cops are elsewhere in the city checking out bomb scares. Finally at 9:30pm we managed to get some cops of our very own (might be Nat'l Guard? they're wearing camo, don't look like Boston cops). So I have headed home, will go back tomorrow early morning and stay all day. I know that reuniting runners with their bags is a little thing, but it is the thing that I can do to help, so that is what I am doing. I was going to take tomorrow off work to keep doing this; but just got an email that my work (New England Aquarium) is closed tomorrow in memoriam anyway. BTW the BAA (Boston Athletic Association, that organizes the marathon) guys are being so professional and trying to hold it together but you can see they are just heartbroken. It's strange, it's like we are focusing like crazy on stuff like "These bags over here are sorted all wrong!", so that we don't have to think about the people who died... Also - earlier a French-speaking runner came zooming by who hadn't understood what happened. Didn't realize he'd been diverted and was looking for the finish line and didn't see it so he kept running! Almost ran away over the Mass Pike! We (or rather, the bag guy next to me) had to chase after him and jump in front of him to stop him. He was so confused, poor guy. **update 11pm**: I've just learned from the Boston Globe that there was another bomb **NEXT TO ME**, right next to the Gatorade area, that did not go off and was later dismantled by authorities. So there's that. (edit: that report from the Boston Globe is unconfirmed, might be false) **update 11:30am Tues** \- city is making us move all runner bags to **110 Arlington** ("The Castle") **update 12:45pm Tues** \- bags are at the castle. National Guard guys have been so helpful moving the bags. **NONAMERICAN RUNNERS, PLEASE CALL YOUR EMBASSY TO CHECK IN.** We had runners from over 70 countries in this race - it's a very international event - and runners' families have been calling their embassies to try to verify they're ok, and the embassies have not been able to find all the runners. **update 4pm Tues**, we've been notified we have to move the bags again (sigh) at 7pm to BAA headquarters at 40 Trinity Place. Also , [here's](http://imgur.com/Esxgswb) the new finish line of the marathon, [closeup here](http://imgur.com/IeAuToU), ha. (newer update: finish line is [slightly fancier](http://imgur.com/H6JJ2LB) now, runners are taking photos of themselves crossing it. A whole ceremony has developed where the runner crosses the tiny finish line and we all clap and we put a medal around their neck - and then they burst into tears. Also: one runner is a teacher, he was running with a group of students, he suddenly started to cry when I gave him the medals for his students, and he told me a student's sister was waiting for the student at the finish line and is having her leg amputated right now. **update 10pm, last update** RUNNER BAGS ARE NOW AT THE BAA HEADQUARTERS at 40 Trinity Place. We just unloaded them. Runners - you can pick them up any time tomorrow. They still have about 500 unclaimed bags. I am exhausted, made it back home, looked online and saw [this](http://mashable.com/2013/04/16/yankees-red-sox-boston-bombings/) online and immediately started bawling. After all the events of the last 2 days the thing that makes me completely lose it is to see the New York Yankees offering support to the Boston Red Sox.... (non American redditors: this is one of the oldest and most intense sports rivalries in the USA) **finally:** Thanks so much to all redditors who offered me support. Thanks especially to the redditor who actually came to the bag area today after seeing my post & worked all day. (you know who you are, you are awesome!) I woke up to a ton of a reddit gold, thanks all, I don't need more, please consider giving blood, donating to the Red Cross or even volunteering for the Red Cross (the Red Cross has been here all day feeding us and taking care of us. I've never personally been a beneficiary of their disaster relief before and I've got to say, they are awesome, and it made me want to work for them. Just the fact that THEY BROUGHT HOT FOOD TO US was so incredibly useful.). ALSO! Please consider volunteering for your local marathon so we can keep this sport going!! Marathons really depend on volunteers and are going to need all our support in the future. Thank you all **HAPPY UPDATE**: My Gatorade-volunteer friend who was planning to propose to his girlfriend is ok, she's ok too (she was stopped before the finish), and they got engaged! [story here](https://nesn.com/2013/04/amid-boston-marathon-tragedy-runners-boyfriend-brings-moment-of-happiness/) \--- **(Look for the helpers) Tuesday April 16, 2013 (6:56 UTC)** [Soft fluffy therapy dog at the Boston Marathon runners' bag pickup area today](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/1ch89m/soft_fluffy_therapy_dog_at_the_boston_marathon/) ([r/aww](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww))

I'm volunteering at the finish line at Boston for the first time. Anything I should know?

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FlipDaly

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07mz2/im_volunteering_at_the_finish_line_at_boston_for/

z07o37

This is not my story. The original post is from a mom. She and her husband are interviewing for a nanny. The second post is from the prospective nanny. Tagged as concluded because: >!the nanny does not take that job!< —— [**AITA for expecting a nanny to dress appropriately?**](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycfn1v/aita_for_expecting_a_nanny_to_dress_appropriately/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) submitted October 24, 2022 by u/newtoreddit1239 to r/AmItheAsshole I (43f) am currently searching for a nanny for my children. My son is 5 and my daughter is 11. We found one young lady yesterday that seemed like a great fit. We interviewed her in our home and explained our careers (I’m a lawyer, my husband is a trainer) and told explained everything to her. She seemed happy with everything, was kind to us and no issues there. The problem came when I spoke to her about the dress code I expected. I noticed she had on leggings with a sweater today which I guess was okay since she wasn’t working but I would’ve expected a little more for an interview. However I told her I expect that she will not be wearing athletic wear while she tends to the children (I.e. no leggings, yoga pants, sweats, etc) she kind of laughed and said “so what do you want me to wear?” & my husband laughed but I was serious. I told her that type of clothing is inappropriate since she’s not working out, she’s working. She seemed put off and said that’s what she normally wears & if she’s going to be active with the kids she needs to be dressed comfortably. I told her what the expectations were and she said she understands & left. Later on she told me she doesn’t think this will work out. Was I wrong for setting expectations? I don’t think it’s okay to walk around in tight clothing with my son and husband present, plus she should be dressed like she’s working she’s a professional. A teacher would not dress that way. My husband said I was overreacting. AITA? [**A potential MB posted about me on AITA & it got reposted here a bunch**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/ydghfc/a_potential_mb_posted_about_me_on_aita_it_got/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) submitted October 25, 2022 by u/lalalalaloveme to r/Nanny Sooo if you saw yesterday there was a post circulating about an MB saying leggings & yogas are inappropriate to wear for nanny work. She was actually talking about me lol so it was cool to see so many people confirm that yea I was right to not take the job 😭 I do currently have a position and was only looking for something jic because I thought my family wouldn’t need me anymore. They worked things out so if anyone was wondering yes I’m employed & fine! The interview was super bizzare. FIRST of all my leggings & sweater were cute & I paired it with some cute boots so idk why she was coming for me lol She was super weird about me directing any conversation towards her husband & vise versa. I asked what he did for work & she cut me off to answer for him, we started talking about sports bc he knew a coach at the college I comp cheered for & she like got mad. Her daughter seemed super quiet & nice & her son was wild af. It was the weirdest energy ever. I did laugh when she made the comment about the clothes because I genuinely thought she was joking. Her husband even said to her she was out of line & I just left because it was getting awkward. She was super misogynistic & weird. Like her husband wasn’t even misogynistic from the vibe I got. Anyway funny experience & she also posted in a mom group in my area. Weirdo woman lol —— Again, not my story.

What are the appropriate clothes for a nanny to wear to work?

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BORU_Lover

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07o37/what_are_the_appropriate_clothes_for_a_nanny_to/

z07oac

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DNA solves a family mystery: John R Raney -> James Phillip Rusconi

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07oac/dna_solves_a_family_mystery_john_r_raney_james/

z07pfp

DNA solves a family mystery: John R Raney -> James Phillip Rusconi

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FlipDaly

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07pfp/dna_solves_a_family_mystery_john_r_raney_james/

z07vo6

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/stepkidsthrowaway_19 in r/stepparents** trigger warning: >!non-consensual voyeurism!< ---   [**Marriage Falling Apart - Awful Situation - Stepson loves my daughter**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/agfef2/marriage_falling_apart_awful_situation_stepson/) - 16 January 2019 Throwaway account for obvious reasons. My primary account has too much identifying information and wanted to be as anonymous as possible. Only people within this household know what’s going on. My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. We were both previously married before we met and I came into the marriage with 2 daughters and he came into the marriage with 2 sons. We have one 11 year old son between us. My daughter’s are age 20 and 18 and my stepsons are ages 19 and 17, so the older kids are all essentially 1 year apart. Both stepsons have lived out of state with their mother until a little over a year ago, my younger stepson wanted to move in with us, which was fine and great, he’s a good kid and wanted to attend public school after being homeschooled his whole life. My 18 year old daughter and him are both seniors in high school and attend the same school. They have (what I thought) was a very close sibling bond. They drive to school together, take some of the same classes, have some of the same extra circular activities. They get along great. Recently stepson has been moody and depressed and said he is unable to sleep at night because he has too much running through his mind. Husband took him to see a doctor about it and doctor diagnosed him with anxiety and depression. Husband tried to talk with him more about what’s on his mind, and stepson confesses he has feelings for a girl and can’t stop thinking about it and worried she didn’t feel the same way. Husband told him to just tell the girl how he feels, put it out there, see what she says. So....he did. Last night stepson told my daughter he has feelings for her and has for quite a while. My head is not clear and I can’t recall at this moment exactly what was written, but daughter showed me the Snapchat messages which she didn’t want to screenshot (because stepson would know), so I saw them once before they disappeared into the Snapchat void. I immediately told my husband, who then went to speak with stepson about the situation and basically told him it was wrong. Understandably, my daughter feels emotionally violated. She has lost all trust in him and no longer feels comfortable around him. We have had to essentially keep them separated the past 24 hours because stepson feels horribly awkward and daughter is experiencing some trauma over it. It is an extremely uncomfortable situation for all involved. Here is where it goes downhill. In MY eyes (and my daughter’s) this is disgusting and perverted. I truly apologize if that offends anyone, that is not my intention. I am having a very difficult time looking at stepson the same way now. My first reaction was to send him straight back to his mother, but didn’t say so and just kept my mouth shut. Husband and I had time to sleep on it and talk more about it today, and turns out he sees nothing wrong with the situation and says “people love who they love, who am I to judge”. I do not feel this way. I am protective of my daughter and her feelings. Husbands parents feel the same way he does. I was raised in a family that would NOT think this is ok on any level. Keep in mind daughter and stepson have been raised as siblings, basically - since they were each 4 years old. It’s not like they just met or became step-siblings recently. It is clear husband and I will NOT agree on whether this is right or wrong. We need a therapist STAT to help us navigate this or our 12 year marriage and 15 year relationship is going to be destroyed. The tension in this house right now is worse than anything I have experienced in my lifetime. Please help me - am I being completely unreasonable in the way I am viewing this? Am I making a big to-do about nothing? How do I handle this? How do I protect my fainter without alienating my stepson? I will also be cross-posting to parenting and relationships subs. I need all of the help I can get right now. Thank you in advance for any advice or support, or just real-talk you can give.   [**I should have listened to my gut instincts.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/clqx6o/i_should_have_listened_to_my_gut_instincts/) - 4 August 2019 I posted here exactly 200 days ago about my stepson confessing his love to my daughter. You can see the original post through my profile, it’s very detailed. I had also posted the same topic on the Parenting sub and the majority of the responses I got were that there wasn’t anything gross or creepy about my stepson telling my daughter he loved her. In fact every adult we talked to about this incident wrote it off to “normal teenage boy hormones”. I vehemently disagreed, but decided to heed all of the advice we got from outside sources (not just Reddit) and move past it. I shouldn’t have done that. Here is the update with the basic pertinent background information included for those that don’t recall. Husband and I have been married/together for almost 15 years. We were both previously married and he brought two sons (ages 19 and 17 years old) into the marriage and I brought two daughters (ages 20 and 18 years old). We have one son together who is 12 years old. Up until two years ago, both of his sons lived with their mother in another state and my daughters and our young son lived with us. His youngest son (17 years old, turning 18 years old in 26 days) moved in with us two years ago. It has been a very rocky road for everyone adjusting to him living here. Before moving in, he was homeschooled his whole life and VERY much sheltered from the real world by his mother, as much as humanly possible. He is extremely socially awkward and has no idea how to make friends or interact with people whatsoever, despite our best efforts to help him. Because he and my 18 year old daughter were in the same grade (Juniors when he moved in, they just graduated in June), she basically became “responsible” for him as his only friend inside and outside of school. She has hated it all along and I don’t blame her, but my husband feels sorry for his son because he is incapable of having the social skills that most kids that age have. This past winter, our family was in turmoil after stepson sent a text to my daughter one night telling her he was in love with her. Understandably, every ounce of trust she had in him was destroyed and she felt violated and disgusted. My immediate reaction was that stepson needed to get out of this house and move back with his mother because my daughter would never feel comfortable around him again and neither would I. EVERY adult we talked to about this said that I was making a bigger deal out of it than needed to be and that we needed to address the situation and move on from it. So despite my instincts telling me otherwise, that is what we did. Two days ago, my daughter texted me asking me to come to her room immediately. When I go upstairs she is sobbing hysterically and tells me (and shows me) that stepson had placed his phone in her room while she was in the shower and was recording video of her getting dressed after she went back to her room from the bathroom. She went though his phone and found he has been doing this for quite some time because there were NUMEROUS videos of her changing and undressing dating back to at least 6 months ago. He had been putting his phone in there while she was showering and then after she leaves her room once she dresses, he would sneak in and grab his phone back. Many videos of her completely naked. I told husband the kid needed to get the fuck out of my house NOW. That even I didn’t feel comfortable with him here. Husband once again played the “he’s my son, I can’t just throw him out” card. I said bullshit to that, stepson is a mentally ill pervert and I will not have him in this house as long as my daughter or I are here. That trust is gone and he absolutely disgusts me now. I took his phone from my daughter and he will NOT be getting it back. Now husband and I are at major odds because although husband admits what he did is sick and unacceptable, he’s responsible for him as a minor and can’t just throw him out and get rid of him like trash, even by sending him back to his mother. The next morning, husband had time to sleep on it and realized I was right, we need to protect my daughter and she is at risk as long as stepson stays in this house. Within 8 hours of the incident I took my daughter and left the state for a week of vacation that had already been planned, though we were not supposed to leave for a few more days. In the meantime, husband spoke with stepsons mother and she agreed he needs to go back to her. He has a stepsister there too, so I am truly concerned for that household as well. I wanted to call the police, press charges, but he is a minor and my daughter is 18 so husband was of the impression that it would basically be like pressing charges on HIM since stepson is not yet 18. I have purchased a one-way ticket back to his mother’s, he will be gone before we get home from vacation. She is going to get him some mental health treatment , if that’s what he needs. I cannot and will not ever trust stepson again. He is not showing he is remorseful about what he did, he’s remorseful he got caught. He has continued to lie about EVERYTHING since getting caught. He admitted he did it, but said it was only a few times and only started to do it recently. I have video evidence that proves otherwise. So basically what I want to say is, if you ever have a situation like the one we had 200 days ago, don’t blow it off and chalk it up to hormones or let anyone tell you it’s not unnatural or unusual. I wish I had listened to my gut at the time. I hate to think how much more this could have progressed if we hadn’t found the camera. My daughter is going to need a LOT of therapy to overcome this. He is a sexual predator plain and simple.   [**I’m the one who’s stepson was secretly filming my daughter nude. Here is an update.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/lirmy3/im_the_one_whos_stepson_was_secretly_filming_my/) - 13 February 2021 Hi. It’s been about a year and a half now since I last posted AND since we last saw my stepsons. Here is the update. We haven’t seen either of my stepsons since the one who violated our trust was put on a plane back to his mother. The reason for this is, our request was that he could not return to our home UNTIL he had been properly evaluated by a healthcare professional and received appropriate therapy and/or counseling. To this day, this still has not happened. Not ONE single appointment for the eval OR counseling. She is putting it in God’s hands. I am not even kidding. That is the truth of it. Stepsons are now 21 and 19. The one who didn’t live with us is welcome anytime, and has been told this many times. He chooses not to visit and rarely has contact my husband over text. He’s always been that way, despite our efforts. Note: In the 16 years since she and my husband divorced, neither boy has been to a doctor or dentist ONE SINGLE TIME unless they were with us. We saw them once or twice per year. My daughter is doing absolutely amazing. Within a month of the big blowup, she got a job and was promoted to manager within a few weeks. She work extremely hard and bought herself a brand new car and moved into her own apartment in a REALLY fancy, new apartment complex. She’s happy and thriving and making her way through life and we couldn’t be more proud and relieved.   **Message from OP:** >I’m not sure why my comments won’t show up. But this is what I posted: > >So - I am (obviously) the OP. Reading through these comments are pretty soul crushing. There are a lot of assumptions and misconceptions and admittedly, a lot of that is my own fault for failing to effectively describe in text the entire history of our family and the situation at hand. > >The first misconception that I want to clear up is that husband and I met about one year after my divorce and while he was going through his divorce. We were friends (yes, seriously) for quite some time before we started dating. He fought HARD to keep his ex from moving across the country with the boys, until he had exhausted every financial source he could to keep paying a lawyer. With husband being active duty, the courts favored his ex in the state we lived in and allowed the ex to move with the kids. He tried in vain to get orders to PCS to the same state as his boys, but was denied. It was because of the distance that he only was able to see the boys a few times per year plus the fact that the court order made him financially responsible for all travel to and from visits. On a military income, he wasn’t exactly living the high life so he (we, once married) did everything we could with the income we had. However, because these visits were just a few times a year, we would have them for long periods of time (summers we would have them 3 months and typically 6-8 weeks in December/January and another 6-8 weeks in March/April). Hopefully that clears up the confusion about how often or how much time the boys spent in our home before stepson moved in with us. > >The next thing I want to address is how I come across as the evil stepmother the way I talk about my stepson in my first 2 posts. The first post about him confessing his feelings for my daughter - I was definitely in a state of shock and confusion when I wrote it and was trying to navigate completely unknown territory and putting more faith in the advice from people we trust than we should have in our own gut feelings. We absolutely blame ourselves for that. The second post was written IMMEDIATELY following the incident and it was very fresh, everyone was still reeling and in shock and we were too ashamed and embarrassed of the situation to tell anyone we knew at all, so I came to Reddit as an outlet. Everything I wrote was definitely “heat of the moment”, which is why I tried to clear things up in the comments and by writing a follow-up/update post. > >The biggest assumption I see is that we never got mental health therapy/help for my stepson when he moved in. This is absolutely false. He was in therapy for almost the entire first year he lived with us. He had made really great improvements in that time and approached us asking if he could be finished with therapy for the time being because he felt really good and felt like therapy had helped a lot. You have to understand that him living with us was an informal arrangement, not legal. His ex still had primary physical custody and joint legal custody and a condition of him coming to live with us was that it remain “informal”. We had to have his ex’s agreement for anything medical or education related. If we had forced the issue and made him continue, he would have got mom involved and she would have put a stop to that right away (I say this in hindsight because again, he seemed to have had a lot of growth emotionally. > >Lastly, I’m happy to answer questions if things aren’t clear or don’t make sense. I admit I don’t piece stories together well and that is attributed to a TBI I suffered several years ago which causes my mind to race and I tend to jump around from one thought to the next when trying to explain things and so they don’t always come out in the right order. I do the best I can.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP’s stepson is in love with her daughter

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07vo6/oops_stepson_is_in_love_with_her_daughter/

z087w1

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/LifeHuckleberry9529 r/AmItheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!Emotional abuse!< >!Physical Abuse!< mood spoilers: >!not great!< --- https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u5gntx/aita_for_sticking_up_for_my_husband_after_a_fight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf -17th April, 2022 AITA for sticking up for my husband after a fight with my daughter? I F42 have a daughter F17 who came to me recently crying saying her father hadn’t talked to her in 10 days after a fight they had gotten into about politics. She felt really hurt and said that he hadn’t talked to her and ignored her even during a major event when she tried to speak to him. She said that he always does things like that and has to be right or he gets mad when things don’t go his way. But I don’t see it like that and think my husband is a wonderful man. He provides for us and gives us everything we want, he does have a few flaws but that’s human. I told my daughter that she shouldn’t have talked to him about things like that and expected another reaction from him and to be more respectful. However, she says that I never take her side and always defend her my husband no matter what but in my opinion he’s right most of the time and she needs to be more understanding. Now she’s calling me an asshole for never sticking up for her and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or not. Am I the asshole for sticking up for my husband and saying she’s wrong? Edit: updated https://www.reddit.com/user/LifeHuckleberry9529/comments/uavnqp/aita_for_sticking_up_for_my_husband_after_a_fight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf -24th April, 2022 AITA for sticking up for my husband after a fight (update) Hi everyone this isn’t really an update exactly but I wanted to let everyone know that I wrote that post as my mother and how she reacts to things I tell her regarding my father. She’s never really been on my side whenever anything happens regardless of who it is. Especially if it’s my father. That incident took place two years ago when I was 15 and to be fair to my mother, she did talk to him about not speaking to me for 10 days. My parents are cruel human beings who have done much much worse to me than this. This is actually one of the much more tamer situations. Aside from emotional abuse there also used to be physical abuse but then I started standing up for myself and so she stopped. Sadly she’s still extremely manipulated by my father and he can do no wrong in her eyes no matter what it is. My father has called me a prostitute, whore, bitch and basically every insult you could think of and so has my mother. It sucks but I’m waiting until I’m old enough to go to uni so I can get away from my house Anywayyy thank you to everyone who was defending me in the comments! And please don’t think I’m condescending cause I’m really not I just used to talk about politics with him in the hope of him changing his views since that party directly hurts my community. I appreciate the support though thank you! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for sticking up for my husband after a fight with my daughter?

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RealDoraTheExplorer_

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z087w1/aita_for_sticking_up_for_my_husband_after_a_fight/

z09t7k

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/SpicyYellowBanana **in** r/offmychest *Just a short and sweet post*   trigger warnings: >!Shrooms!< mood spoilers: >!Heartwarming!<   [**I got my 75yr old dad a shroom trip for his birthday.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/tcpodu/i_got_my_75yr_old_dad_a_shroom_trip_for_his/) \- 13th March 2022 My dad has never done a drug in his life. In fact, we grew up in a pretty religious household. No drinking, no drugs. Ever. A few months ago I watched ‘Fantastic Fungi’ on Netflix. It’s really good. Pretty amazing little organisms and as my dad is a scholar, I suggested he watch it. Afterwards, my dad said that he would really like to try them. His birthday is tomorrow so my husband and I planned for my hubs to take my mom out for a date day (she would worry too much). In fact, my siblings are also pretty strict so wouldn’t understand and we couldn’t bring them in on it. I can’t tell anyone for obvious reasons (although we do live in a marijuana friendly state - getting there!). My dad is currently downstairs, curled up in blankets in his favourite recliner, candle burning, listening to his second hour of Enya. He has the dog in his lap, an eye mask on and the biggest grin I’ve EVER seen. I’m checking in on him constantly. Happy birthday dad! ​ **UPDATE - Few hours later** So many responses and one one negative. That surprises me more than anything. Are we on the verge of acceptance and understanding? As for my dads trip: he loved it. He thinks everyone should try it once in their lives. He went through so many phases (as expected) from yawning to giggling, to seeing and hallucinating, to crying, to feeling and understanding experiences (his own and others). His biggest take away was the warmth and understanding. As many have said, you don’t know until you’ve been there. He feels as though he understood what God really was and was amazed as the entire experience. He doesn’t regret any part of it and is happy it happened now. He’s at a time of his life of reflection and is open to understanding. My mother on the other hand…she was brought back about 5.5hrs after my dad started his journey. I told her right away as my dad was relaxing as he came out of it all. She was not happy. Too uptight and would never be a candidate for such an experience. She’s been checking in him every 10mins or so and wouldn’t have been a calming influence to have around. He’s totally fine now though of course. My name is mud for a bit. 10/10 would do again for him.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - I got my 75yr old dad a shroom trip for his birthday.

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raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z09t7k/oop_i_got_my_75yr_old_dad_a_shroom_trip_for_his/

z09tkb

[removed]

"Landlord told us it was in our best interest to not let the building inspector in. So we let the building inspector in." A conclusion to the walled off gas meter story!

CONCLUDED

Myrandall

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z09tkb/landlord_told_us_it_was_in_our_best_interest_to/

z09wix

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/perspectivesuitable in r/amitheasshole** **I’ve obtained permission from OP to repost this.** trigger warnings: >!suicide, assault, animal cruelty!< ---   [**AITA for making my husband choose between me and his son?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gx5he9/aita_for_making_my_husband_choose_between_me_and/) - 5 June 2020 I (39f) am married to Dave (44m), and he has a son named Avery (19m) and an ex wife named Dianna (42f.) Avery has always been hostile towards me, and blamed me for his parents’ divorce, despite his dad not meeting me until three years after. I have tried my best to spend time with Avery, and I’ve been respectful of all the boundaries he set with me. Avery still hates me. It was fine with me, as long as he didn’t treat me like shit because he hates me. Well, Avery started treating me like shit when he found out his dad was marrying me. He threw a fit, saying his dad needed his permission before marrying me, and that he wouldn’t come to the wedding. His dad and I let it slide, and sat down with Avery and Dianna to try and figure out why he was upset. It didn’t work, and Avery refused to see us until the wedding. At Dave and I’s wedding, Avery objected to us being married in front of everyone, and asked to make a speech in front of everyone later in the night. In his ‘speech,’ he told everyone what a horrible person I was, and that I was responsible for his parents’ divorce, and that I was a dirty homewrecker. Dave drove Avery back to Dianna’s, but the damage was done, and several wedding guests assumed Avery was telling the truth. My wedding night was ruined because of this, and a good part of my family refuses to speak to me despite me explaining to them that this was not the case. Avery has continued to treat me like shit since then. He got mad at me once, so he dropped my cat off at a shelter two towns over, and refused to tell me where he was until he’d been put down. I wanted to keep my wedding dress after the wedding, and he tore it to shreds. (Just two examples, I’ll give more if anyone wants them) Finally, Wednesday, Dave and I had Avery over for dinner because Avery actually wanted to come. Long story short, when I went to get dessert and Dave wasn’t there, Avery confronted me in the kitchen and began screaming at me and told me that I was a horrible person, as well as some other not-so-nice things. Dave eventually came in, Avery left, and I got pissed. I told Dave that I was tired of his son constantly attacking me and treating me like shit because of something he knows didn’t happen, and that I’d put up with his bullshit for the last six years. I told him that he had to make a choice between me and Avery, because I wasn’t putting up with Avery’s shit any longer, and if it was a requirement of being married to Dave, I’d be filing for divorce. Dave told me it wasn’t fair to make him make this decision, and I told him it might not have been fair, but it wasn’t fair of him to let his son harass and attack me for years. AITA for making my husband choose between me and his son? Verdict: NTA **Edit 1:** I’ve told Dave that I didn’t want to be around Avery several times, and got ignored. I was told that we’d go to therapy to try and sort things out and it never happened. **Edit 2:** I don’t know why Avery blames me for the divorce. If your question is about that, I can’t answer you.   [**[AL] How do I divorce my husband?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/hfdes3/al_how_do_i_divorce_my_husband/) - 25 June 2020 I (39f) want to file for divorce from my husband (44m) who has kept me in an abusive situation for the last six years. My husband has never put his hands on me, but has allowed his son (19m) to abuse me for the entire time we’ve been together. His son started out with screaming at me constantly whenever I was around him, and then it went to destroying my things as well as my cat. Eventually, it got to where he began threatening to harm me, and actually harming me. To make a long story short, my husband’s son stabbed me about two weeks ago, and after getting out of the hospital, I ran. I know I’m not safe with my husband anymore. I’ve been too much of a pushover to his son, and my husband refuses to protect me. It’s going to end up with his son killing me, so I’m doing what I can to protect myself. I’m working on getting a restraining order against his son, and I need to know how to divorce my husband. I’ve never been divorced, I never wanted to be divorced, and I have no clue how to even start filing for divorce. So my question is how do I divorce my husband?   [**An update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PerspectiveSuitable/comments/i1apk4/an_update/) - 31 July 2020 Since AITA doesn’t allow violence, this update is being posted to my profile. To start: about two weeks after my post on AITA, Avery stabbed me. Dave allowed him over to spend time with him, and I was making myself lunch. To make a long story short, Avery grabbed a knife from the knife block, and I had to be rushed to the hospital. Filed a police report, there wasn’t enough evidence to make an arrest, and Dave was *furious* with me. As soon as I was released, I ran. (I’m currently staying with my sister and am safe, thank you, everyone who asked :) ) I filed for divorce, and I’m working on getting a restraining order. I’m also going to work on getting myself into therapy once the world isn’t going batshit, though that might take a while. I definitely need it. To those who told me that I made the post up for karma— thank you, it was totally obviously made up for karma/s Also, to those who are calling me just as bad for not leaving right away (Specifically Joe Nanamous in the comment section of Mr. Dessert Fox’s video on my post): I know. (Now, at least) I’m a huge fucking pushover, and way too much of an optimist for my own good. I’ll answer some questions from various places, specifically the aita post. I would have answered them there, but the post was locked because people can’t be civil. -What age was Avery when you (Dave and I) got married? He was 17. I met Dave (and Avery) when he was 13, I dated Dave for four years, and have been married to Dave for two years. -How did Avery just drop my cat off at a shelter? The shelters around where I live are high kill. My guess is that he dropped my cat off and claimed he was a stray. Then he waited a month, and told me that he was the one who got rid of my cat. -What aren’t you telling? (You’ve left out a lot of the story, you won’t tell anyone what you’ve done that is probably just as bad, etc.) Here’s what I left out: When I met Avery, I was very upfront with him. I told him I wasn’t his mom, and I wouldn’t act like his mom. Then he started becoming hostile and openly hateful of me. At first, it was just him screaming and throwing tantrums, and stealing little things— like things from my small snack stash, little trinkets of mine, small gifts his dad sometimes got me, etc. Then it went to him destroying things, like taking photos off the wall and throwing them against the ground as hard as he could, sticking things into the garbage disposal, dumping makeup into the toilet, and eventually stabbing the couch with a pair of scissors. Eventually, it turned to full on threats. I lost my temper with him every so often, and would call Dianna in front of him to tell her about what he was doing. The most “parenting” I would do was send him to his room if he was destroying something. When he dropped my cat off at the shelter, I screamed at him and cried. I told him he was a horrible person. After he fucked up my wedding, the next time I saw him, I asked him what the fuck he was doing, and got in a screaming match with him. So to sum up the answer to that question: not much. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve actually been mean to him (as in sending him to his room or getting in a screaming match with him) It was left out because of the character limit of the AITA post. -Why did Dave and Dianna divorce? When Dianna came to visit me in the hospital, I asked, and this is her answer: Dave wouldn’t be a parent to Avery (as in he wanted to be more of Avery’s friend than a parent) and he was never home. (Dave works from around 6 in the morning to 6 in the evening, and passes out pretty quickly after he gets home.) -Why didn’t I leave after my cat was put down? No clue. I should’ve left. -How did Avery get the mic to make a toast after objecting? Dave thought his precious angel was just having a hard time, and would shape up. I’ll answer any other questions if you have them. I’ve been asked to update, so... here’s the update.   [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PerspectiveSuitable/comments/o79rv2/update_2/) - 24 June 2021 Officially been divorced for three months and just got my restraining order against the jackasses crazy kid, who is currently waiting for a court date BECAUSE HE BROKE INTO HIS MOTHER’S HOUSE. Avery tried getting into Dianna’s gun safe and got caught on camera doing it. I’m far away from it all, and I’m glad at this point.   [**Update #3?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PerspectiveSuitable/comments/x0vakr/update_3/) - 29 August 2022 I’ll be honest and say that I completely forgot about this account. I came back to thirty something notifications, so I figured someone might still be interested in how things ended up turning out. Sorry if it’s not the most interesting update. Dave apparently ended up dating someone else after our divorce was finalized. Found out via facebook. He stayed with this woman for about two months, and then they broke up. I actually happen to know the reason why, because she made a post on her own account. Avery showed up at her house threatening to kill her while he was drunk. This happened at around the same time he got caught trying to steal Dianna’s gun from her safe, so I’m just going to put two and two together and say that I think I know why he went for the gun. Avery ended up being arrested for it, though I don’t think he was charged with anything; if he was, I don’t think he had to serve any time. This happened about a year ago, and about three months ago I got a call from Dianna. We didn’t talk much after I left, because I believe she figured it would be easier for me to not have to hear about any of that anymore. Avery died. His death was called a suicide, though they’re not exactly sure if that’s the case. It happened at a party, and that’s what everyone else said apparently. Somehow, he ended up with with some handgun and they think he shot himself. I’m not sure I totally believe that, but I don’t want to think about it too much. It’s definitely plausible. Avery spiraled pretty badly after I ran. (If you can call it that) I feel somewhat sorry for Dave, but I mostly feel sorry for Dianna. Their kid was an awful human being, but they didn’t deserve to go through the pain of losing him. No matter how I felt about him and the awful things he did to me, I couldn’t bring myself to feel happy that he died. I mean, I’m relieved, if that makes sense. But I’m not happy about it. It feels like it would be wrong to be happy about it. I did end up getting myself into therapy after I got settled. I’ve been looking back at some of the things I wrote when it was all initially going on, and honestly I’m kind of alarmed with how little I reacted to the things that were happening. I feel like I was just exhausted at the time. I brought it up to my therapist, and she told me it was probably just my way of trying to not break down with everything happening around me. But I’m in a much better place now. I’m looking into getting myself a new cat, and I’ve even opened myself up to the idea of dating again. I will say one more thing now that I’ve had time to really process it- everyone who used my posts in their youtube videos as content can go fuck themselves. I’m not going to go hunt down every video that has my posts in them, but you’re really despicable for taking the things I’ve said and trying to profit off of it. The things that were said about me were disgusting and vile, and should not be said about anybody. That being said, I don’t think there will be another update. I might post some pictures of my new cat, but I’m happy to say that the chapter of my life with Dave and Avery in it is over and far behind me.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** **I’ve obtained permission from OP to repost this.**

AITA for making my husband choose between me and his son?

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z09wix/aita_for_making_my_husband_choose_between_me_and/

z0a13e

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yu6k06/aita_for_not_taking_care_of_my_sisters_baby/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on Nov 13, 2022 by [u/throw\_it\_away5511](https://www.reddit.com/user/throw_it_away5511/) I know the title sounds awful…but no other way to say it. Also, I’m writing this on mobile so excuse errors. I, 18f have a sister 24f who just gave birth to my nephew who’s about 3 months old. To preface the situation, I do not know how to properly care for a baby, the formula ratios, how to change and clean them, nothing. I have no experience with children at all. To the story: My sister comes to my moms house (where I live) to ask my mom to watch the baby for a while so she can go get some groceries. I tell her that my mom isn’t home and won’t be until late since she was part of a friends wedding party. My sister then asks me to watch the baby, and I tell her that while I can keep a physical eye on the baby, I’m ill equipped to actually take care of him. I ask my sister if he’s been fed and changed and she says yes, so I agree to watch the baby for an hour while she goes to the store. I reiterated before she left that I would not be feeding, changing, wiping or otherwise tending to the baby, only to watching him while he laid in his car seat. This way, my sister would be back before he needed anything. My sister was gone for 2 hours, and the baby started to get fussy so I called her. She asked me to watch him for another 3 hours while she got her nails done, and I reminded her that I have no idea WTF I’m doing and I can’t get him to stop crying. At this point the baby is screaming and I’ve tried everything I know how, even a sloppy attempt at a diaper change. So I tell my sister that I’d be calling the police for neglect, as she expected me to take care of a baby and I’ve barely even held kids in my life. My sister rushes to my moms house and calls me an AH for not taking care of the baby, says I’m lazy and if I was a decent aunt, I’d be trying to learn how to help. I kind of feel bad, because I know new moms don’t get enough time to themselves and my sisters husband works a lot to support them both…but I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing with a baby. AITA here? EDIT: I see a lot of people saying the car seat isn’t safe for sleeping, and I’m not sure but it’s one of those stroller thingies that turns into a car seat that turns into a sleeping thingy? It was fixed to be safe for sleep before I took the baby, according to my sister. Also, he wasn’t left in there for hours, because after about 45 minutes he woke up and started to fuss, at which point I rocked him and he fell back asleep on me. At hour and 30 minute mark was when he started getting really upset, and I called my sister 15 mins after because he wouldn’t stop. Also, changing a diaper seemed simple enough, and I would’ve been successful if I had a normal diaper, but my sister has some crazy new tech cloth diaper with like 4 straps…I had never seen it before and thus would not know how to put it on. Yes, I know how to hold a baby and about the neck. Give me more credit jeez 😂 Also I DID GO ON YOUTUBE!! Do you think I wanted the baby to be screaming in my ear? I actually DID go online and try to look up how to do formula properly but I didn’t have anything to mix it with and according to the internet the bubbles give them stomach issues when you shake the bottle, and you can’t leave clumps and if your water isn’t filtered it’s bad, and I don’t have a water filter in my house…and then I saw all the warnings on the back of the formula can and I was like you know what….idk wtf I’m doing. I’m more than willing to learn - I have no issue with babies. My sister knows this. Verdict : NTA UPDATE in the same post. UPDATE : My mom came home from the wedding and I told her what happened. She put me in the car and took me to my sisters house. My mom yelled at my sister, called her a terrible mother, told her if anything like this ever happened again she’d be calling the police and made her apologize. I also found out that my sister KNEW my mom wasn’t available and her whole plan was to trick me into watching the baby. My sisters husband was FURIOUS at her, and also apologized to me. I spoke with my sister and mom and BIL and we’re getting my sister evaluated for PPD (because leaving your baby with an incapable teen is so irresponsible she must be crazy - husbands words not mine) and I’ll be actually learning how to help with the baby. Thanks for all the kind words!

AITA For not taking care of my sisters baby?

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newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0a13e/aita_for_not_taking_care_of_my_sisters_baby/

z0ao08

[removed]

AITA for ‘selling out’ on my Grandma’s secret recipe?

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synesthesiah

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0ao08/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/

z0bxim

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/bothad7527 in r/offmychest. TW - >!infidelity, abortion (it's in the title)!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/y8gnhw/im_going_to_have_an_abortion_because_my_exfiancé/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (20 Oct 22) **I’m going to have an abortion because my (ex)fiancé cheated** I’m 29f and he’s 31m. We’ve were together for 7 years and engaged for 9 months. Too keep a long story short, I found out my fiancé was cheating on me when I was about 10 weeks. He has slept with multiple women for what looks like at least the last two years. I never wanted children but he really wanted to be a father. After the initial shock of finding out he was cheating, I had to think rationally. Could I really let myself be tied down to this man for the rest of my life? Could I trust him to raise a child with me? The answer was no. I gave him the best years of my life, and I wasn’t going to give him anymore. I knew I’d resent the child. I just wanted to move on and never see him again. I told him I was going to get an abortion. He begged me not to. He apologised and said we could work it out and all he wants is to raise a family together. He swore I’d be a great mom and he’d be a great dad. He said even if we didn’t work out he’d be there 100% for the child and that he could be the one with full custody and I could have visitation. I told him that my mind was made up and that he should’ve thought about that before cheating. He threatened to sue me if I went through with it. My parents weren’t on board either. They say they’re pro choice but think that me getting an abortion is purely for revenge and not “for the right reasons.” I don’t know. Maybe it is maybe it’s not. I can’t t have a child with this man. Not after this. I can’t do it. I can’t even carry the baby and give him full custody. Why should I put my body through that after what he did? Why would I give him what he wants after he’s ruined me? It’s scheduled for next Friday. There’s not a doubt in my mind that this is what I should do. No one but my sisters and close friends seem to agree with me. My male friends are against it. My (ex)fiancé is still begging me not to and I know he’s speaking to a lawyer. The next week isn’t going to be easy but I’ll do what I have to. I gave this man the best years of my life. I gave him everything I had and everything I could. For 7 years I’ve loved him unconditionally. I cannot have this child with him. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yrhfce/update_im_having_an_abortion_because_my_ex_fiancé/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (12 Nov 22) **Update: I’m having an abortion because my ex fiancé cheated.** Hey guys. A lot of people have been asking for an update, so here it is. Thank you for the support on my last post, it means a lot. I had the abortion almost two weeks ago. I had stupidly told my ex when my appointment was, so he was outside the clinic with a group of pro lifers. They were yelling at me, saying I’m a murderer and that the baby has a loving father and I dont need to do this. My ex was crying and calling me a murderer and begging me not to go through with it. What’s crazy is that he has never been pro life in our whole relationship. When roe v wade got overturned, he was just as disgusted as me. My parents too have always said they’re pro choice but they have not supported my decision at all and haven’t spoken to me since the abortion. I guess everyone’s pro choice until someone they know gets an abortion. The appointment it self went smoothly. I didn’t expect to be as emotional as I was, but I was crying a lot. Not because I regret it or anything, but I think it just marks the end of the last 7 years of my life. It’s a lot to take in that that part of my life that I shared with him is truly over. How different my life could’ve been. The first couple days after the abortion, I was a mess. I have never cried so much in my life. I don’t think I left my room once. I’ve been staying with my sister since I found out about his infidelity. She’s been my rock and I owe her everything. My sister and her husband are the ones who went to collect all my things from my apartment with him. The lease for the apartment isn’t over until January, but my ex agreed to pay rent by himself for the last couple of months. I’ve been living in my sisters house. She says I can stay as long as I need, but I’ll try to be out by the new year. I am able to move to a different state for work, but I think I’ll stay in this state for my sister. Maybe I’ll move later down the line. Through all of this, I can’t help but think of how lucky I am. I found out about his cheating early enough that I could get an abortion. We had nearly secured a mortgage for a “family home”, but nothing was set in stone. I was shopping for wedding dresses. I’m so glad we weren’t married and I was early in my pregnancy and we didn’t own property together. In my last post, I mentioned how sad I was that I gave him my best years. But honestly, having come out the other side, I feel so good about this new chapter. I cant wait for my thirties. Im excited to be alive again. Again, thank you everyone for the support. It helped me a lot. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - I’m going to have an abortion because my (ex)fiancé cheated.

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prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0bxim/oop_im_going_to_have_an_abortion_because_my/

z0bzcx

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/stayherenowplease in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!addiction, child neglect!< ---   [**My (f 30) fiancé (m 30) got wasted while watching my kids while I was at work and I don’t know what to do next**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qmc3eg/my_f_30_fianc%C3%A9_m_30_got_wasted_while_watching_my/) - 4 November 2021 So, I have two young kids (f8 & m7). I have been with my fiancé now for 5 years and engaged for 1. Every thing has been great between us. Wonderful communication, we trust each other, we both genuinely enjoy making the other happy and truly enjoy spending time together as a family. The only time anything remotely serious gets between us, it usually involves alcohol. I am three years sober this month, but my fiancé drinks, especially when he is at gigs with his band. The only issue there is that he drinks at gigs and then drives home. At home his drinking never seemed to be much of an issue. Not a daily drinker, doesn’t get sloshed often. He also keeps my kids when I work or what have you. And he is great! They get along wonderfully. We are a family. So anyways. Tonight I am at work and I check my phone at the end of the night and see I have a ton of texts from my fiancé. I had multiple texts that start with “come home” and escalate to “get your fucking ass home right now” and “you suck, congratulations” I am completely shocked and my anxiety gets the better of me when he doesn’t answer any of my phone calls. So I literally tell my manager I have to go home and run out the door and rush home. When I get there, the kids run up to me and start telling me about how my fiancé was playing too rough with them (they love to rough house with him) which, I get, you can’t play rough if you aren’t ready to get injured. Nature of the game. But my kids were genuinely upset about the whole thing. I find my fiancé and he is TRASHED. He tells me he didn’t send the texts and then just shuts down. Doesn’t respond to me. Then gets sad, then pretends nothing is wrong, then sad and just a total drunk disaster. I am so embarrassed, furious, shocked, and plain ol’ hurt! I left work early, my kids are scared, a house plant is broken in half from him being drunk and clumsy. I feel like this is a nearly inexcusable situation. I can forgive a lot of things, but putting my kids in a risky environment is a line I do not tolerate being crossed. His state is way beyond the ability to have an actual conversation about this at the moment so I am just festering in my fury. But what do I really do?? Everyone is okay, no long lasting damage has been done to my kids. But……my trust is completely broken. I am supposed to go out of town this weekend and now I do not feel comfortable leaving my kids with him. And to me…..that sounds like a freaking deal breaker. But this is the first time anything like this has ever happened. He struggles with anxiety and often that leads to drinking for him. So should I stand by his side and help him with whatever he is struggling with? I don’t know! I feel so silly throwing out a 5 year relationship over one mistake (that lead to many other little ones) but….it is kind of serious. Uhg. I don’t knowwww!!! **UPDATE:** I told him he needs to be gone when I get home from bringing the kids to school. He isn’t allowed to reach out to me until he has an actual plan for sobriety (therapy, AA, at least). The culture around alcohol in my town is disgusting and no one blinks and eye about driving drunk. You all (while a little harsh at times) really gave me a reality check. I should of seen this coming, but you know, rose colored glasses. I did not intentionally put my kids in danger, I would have never expected this. This is the first time anything like this has happened and he is out of the house now. I will not tolerate it. I am so embarrassed and ashamed and I feel incredibly lucky that this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and not something more deadly. ALCOHOL SUCKS YALL. **UPDATE TO UPDATE:** I gave the engagement ring back. Got him out of the house and extended my time of no communication. Three months sobriety before I will even consider working things out between us. Love doesn’t turn off automatically and this completely sucks for a million and one reasons. But again, thank you so much for the reality check. **LAST UPDATE:** A lot of this post is being torn to shreds so I will clarify a few points. I wrote this post within hours of all of this happening. I was (still am) in shock. Reading it back to myself now, I already feel like a different person. I obviously am choosing my children over him. He is already gone and is getting the rest of his things this week. My three month ultimatum is getting longer by the second, to the point where I am probably going to start running and not look back. ALSO, I am not downplaying his drunk driving. It was stated so plainly because I just added it to give a bigger picture. That has been an underlying issue recently that I was trying to deal with. Now I realize I should have seen this coming. My now ex is a wonderful person (with a now obvious, serious alcohol problem) who has added years of wonderful memories to my kids’ and I’s life. Everything that happened last night came as such a shock to me. I don’t admit being good at things often but I am a damn good mom. Unfortunately I am also a sucker and I am definitely not an expert in alcoholism, so I was fooled. LASTLY, I have no words to describe my gratitude to the commenters that gave me helpful advice, shared stories and passed on supportive wisdom. Your words are like treasures to me and I will never forget all the internet strangers that reached out to make sure I have what I need to build a new life for my family. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (f 30) fiancé (m 30) got wasted while watching my kids while I was at work and I don’t know what to do next

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0bzcx/my_f_30_fiancé_m_30_got_wasted_while_watching_my/

z0cq78

[removed]

OOP - Fiancé(30) keeps pressuring me(f29) to perform party tricks with friends. He also wants me to perform at our wedding

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0cq78/oop_fiancé30_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform/

z0ctul

[removed]

OOP - Fiancé(30) keeps pressuring me(f29) to perform party tricks with friends. He also wants me to perform at our wedding

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0ctul/oop_fiancé30_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform/

z0d7hj

[deleted]

OOP - My [33F] Husband [40M] is considering conceiving a child with his ex

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0d7hj/oop_my_33f_husband_40m_is_considering_conceiving/

z0dt2x

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Apprehensive-Ad-7805 **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!misogyny!< mood spoilers: >!Infuriating beginning, better end!<   [**AITA for putting mistakes in my shared google doc notes**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yl7cqe/aita_for_putting_mistakes_in_my_shared_google_doc/) \- November 3, 2022 This is a throwaway account. I(21M) am currently taking Organic Chemistry I. Needless to say, the class is incredibly tough. Luckily though, I have been studying since day 1 so I am doing alright in the class. I am taking the class with a group of friends, so to help them out, I shared the personal notes that I take in class with them via a google doc, and I encouraged them to invite anyone they know. Recently, one of my friends invited a friend of theirs, let's call her Jess(20F), who i've never really interacted with, but I have a massive crush on. I think she and I would make a great couple, but she's not really into sensitive smart guys, because on her Instagram, I see all her stories show her out with really jock-like men. Our third exam is in a couple of days, and as I was going through the google doc, I realized that she was using my doc the most. You can see who looks at or edits the doc on google docs, and most of my other friends would pop up sometimes, but I would see her icon pop up alot. I also know for a fact that she isn't doing well in the class, so I got a really good idea. I would put subtle mistakes in the doc so that she wouldn't do well in the exam, and then I can offer to tutor her. That way, I can interact with her and talk to her, so that she'll realize that I have a great personality, and we can hopefully go out together. I told my friend about this plan, and they called me an "incel AH". Personally, I think they're overreacting, because Jess isn't going to do well either way, even if I don't put mistakes, so my plan will actually benefit her grades, while also allowing me to interact with her and talk to her. I think it's a win win for everyone, but I was wondering if my friend may have been on to something, so AITA? Edit: In case anyone is interested, yes, I realized I was the AH, and I took your guys's advice. Here is the link to the update: [https://www.reddit.com/user/Apprehensive-Ad-7805/comments/yr9at7/update\_aita\_for\_posting\_mistakes\_in\_my\_shared/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Apprehensive-Ad-7805/comments/yr9at7/update_aita_for_posting_mistakes_in_my_shared/)   [**Update: AITA for posting mistakes in my shared google doc notes**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Apprehensive-Ad-7805/comments/yr9at7/update_aita_for_posting_mistakes_in_my_shared/) \- November 11, 2022 I wasn't allowed to post it on r/AITA, so I'm posting it here instead. I got to say, for this one, the comments really hurt me at first. Alot of people were really angry with me, but I didn't really listen until Saturday evening. My friend that originally disagreed with me. blocked me and cut me off. This kind of made me realize just how awful everything I said was, because at first, I expected him to be a bit annoyed, and I thought he was just being dramatic, but when he blocked me, I think I started to realize just how big I screwed up. This was my childhood friend, and to hear him insult me hurt, so I came to this forum, but I never expected him to block me. I ended up taking a step back, and looking over everything I said over the past couple of days, and I know I'm wrong. I left the doc unchanged, and any changes I made, I made sure to reverse it before any time has passed. These comments and my friend have made me realize that Jess isn't some object for me to drool over, but a real person, and my plan was incredibly condescending. I made assumptions about her, and I rationalized it in my head by saying that it was for her benefit in the end, even though it was about my hubris and ego. Plus, the plan was logistically dumb. We had our test, and I ended up talking to Jess for the first time. I asked her how it went, and she said she thinks it actually went ok, and she said my notes definitely helped. I then let her know that I saw her on the doc alot, and that if she needs any help, I am available to tutor her or just help her out on any problems. She thanked me, but said that she had been getting help for this test by studying with my lab partner, apparently they both are friends as well. I said that's cool, and I just said to reach out to me if there's anything you need, and she said ok I think that went well, and you guys were right, I need to change the way I see the world, and I need to mature a bit, before initiating anything. Thank you for the comments, they stung but I think I get it now. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for putting mistakes in my shared google doc notes

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czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0dt2x/aita_for_putting_mistakes_in_my_shared_google_doc/

z0gcmt

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by\*\* u/poiuytrewqasdfghjkl4 \*\*in\*\* r/relationship_advice ​ trigger warnings: >!domestic violence!< ​   ​ \*\*I (30M) rejected one of my best friends (28F) I used to be in love with\*\* \\- October 1, 2022 ​ I (30M) met my friend Jean (28F) 3 years ago at a rec soccer league and I was pretty infatuated with her from the beginning. Another guy in the league Lawyer Dude (LD - 30M) also liked her and part of the same group of friends we got together at this league. After over a year our friendships deepened and I honestly fell more in love with her too. I was hesitant about damaging our friendship but came clean and asked her if she wanted to explore something more. She told me she loved me as a friend but not into me like that since she didn’t want to get in a relationship at the time so even though my heart was broken I moved on. Less than 2 months later she starts dating LD and became clear to me she wasn’t necessarily avoiding relationships but just didn’t want me lol. I think all my romantic feelings for her ended right that moment since I’m the type of person that wants the same excitement and feelings for a partner that I give to her. No big deal, was honestly happy for her. We were still good friends but I left the league because my professional life picked up since I was promoted to CFO for my company and I just didn’t have the time for it. We still joked and texted all the time and Jean and LD even came out with me, my friends, and sister to party and have some nights out. Jean even became good friends with my sister which I was happy to see because I’m happy to see my sister surround herself with great people. A few months ago, Jean and LD broke up, which came as a surprise to everyone because they seemed great together. Im finding out in the past several weeks from Jean and my sister that LD was abusive and have been emotionally, psychologically, and even physically abusing (PA picked up in the last few months of their relationship) almost the entire time they were together. She even had pictures of the bruises on her body and everything. I feel terrible for her and she’s been spending more time with us and I think she’s well on the path to recovery (she should probably see a therapist or something to confirm that). Last weekend, we were drinking some wine in my kitchen goofing around. She’s teasing my about the last few GFs I’ve showed and even doing an impression of some (we’re in NYC and dating and people can just be weird here lol). I was pretty tipsy and my kitchen is tiny (manhattan apt) and I’m pretty sure she initiated a kiss. We kiss for maybe 7-10 seconds before I put a stop to it and try to defuse the situation joking about how strong the wine is. She agrees, laughs about it, and goes home. Early the next morning she’s at my doorstep and wants to talk. She said she’s in love with me and we can start what we should’ve started when I confessed to her years ago. I told her I love her as a friend but I don’t see her romantically like that and it wouldn’t be a good idea. She seemed incredibly hurt and asked if it’s because I rejected her and I told her it wasn’t but I don’t think she believed me. To be honest, it probably is the reason; as I mentioned earlier unless someone is as golden lab excited about me as I’m into them, I lose interest in them romantically. I probably have issues but that’s just how I am. But in no way am I trying to purposely punish her. Now even my sister is texting me and giving me a hard time because she sees it as her friend who was manipulated into a relationship when she wasn’t ready for it by an narcissist and then abused. She’s accusing me of being vengeful and petty with someone who’s my “soulmate” because she got manipulated into a relationship and chose someone else over me. My sister has also dated some assholes in the past so i think she’s just seeing it from Jean’s perspective which I don’t fault her for. I reached out to Jean to see if she’s ok but she said she needs time and it’s possible we should never see each other again. I think this is super hypocritical since I continued to be a good friend when she rejected me…. Idk what to do here, I truly do love her platonically. Should I try to explore if there’s romantic potential here? I’m about to lose a friend and also potentially ruin my close relationship with my sister. ​   ​ \*\*\[UPDATE\] I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with\*\* \\- October 15, 2022 ​ Had some people messaging me asking for an update that I’ve mostly ignored but I wanted to provide an update today. I had brunch with my sister the day after the first thread went up. I actually showed her the thread and she spent half of our meal reading through it. She actually agreed it’s not her place to butt in and apologized about making this situation more difficult for me. She said she’s gonna be on my side and I can count on her going forward. She also actually agreed with a lot of the posts that I should probably take a clean break or at the very least some serious distance between Jean and myself. So that’s what I’ve been doing, until last night. Went to a party in Brooklyn last night for a friend’s birthday and took an Uber back home to lower Manhattan. Around midnight my front desk calls asking if they should let a Jean up, I’m confused and say yes. She comes up and she’s looking much happier and healthier than I’ve seen her in months. She hugs me and said she misses me and if we can just talk and hangout. Said she saw me in the party earlier that night on Instagram and our mutual friend that was there said I left early so she came over. I’ve been drinking so I guess it’s less awkward so we just start talking like old times about what we’ve been up to the last week and everything crazy that’s going on in the world over some beers. We’re in my godforsaken tiny kitchen again and she kisses me. I don’t stop her this time and she ended up spending the night. Waking up this morning, I didn’t and still don’t know what to think. Left while she was still sleeping to pick up some coffee. When I’m back I hear the shower so I sit on the bed and wait for her with the coffee. When she got out she realized I wanted to talk about last night so she asked if she could talk first. She said she knows I’m confused, knows how it feels like I’m her back up, knows how it feels like I’m the rebound, but none of that is true and she loves me and wants to do whatever necessary to prove it and make it work. I told her I’m feeling confused about the situation and don’t feel the same type of love for her that she thinks she feels for me. She started crying and asking if she can do anything to prove it to me so I told her I think it’s best if we take some time apart to do our own thing and let all these high emotions settle down. And if necessary we can pick up this discussion with a cooler heads and maybe even become friends again. She cried some more and agreed. Left a few hours ago and I’m still feeling kind of shell shocked over the whole thing and have been just pacing around my apt. I think I made the right decision about taking a clean break for now. Anyways, I appreciate all the great advice last time so thanks you guys. ​   ​ \*\*\[FINAL UPDATE\] I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with\*\* \\- November 12, 2022 ​ Had some time and a lot has happened unfortunately so I figured I’d provide an update since you guys provided some good advice I didn’t recognize as such last time. I went straight no contact after Jean went home after our night together. Only contact we had was via text when she asked 2 days later if she could come over so we can talk and I told her I didn’t think that was a good idea and I thought it was best we spent time apart for the foreseeable future. Got a few more texts saying she understood, then how good we’d be together, and then finally how I’m making a mistake. I ignored all of it until it stopped a week into it. At this point I sadly accepted the reality that we probably could never be friends and was fine with it. We both move on and hopefully find happiness somewhere else. I mentioned before I’m the CFO for my company. For the last year we’ve been finalizing closing a deal with another major company and obviously because of all these global macro events it’s made things a lot more complicated. I have incredibly strong feelings for the legal counsel (LC) for this company I’ve been working with. She’s drop dead gorgeous, smart as a whip, and an insanely tough and strong willed woman. I tried once several months ago to ask her out but she saw my attempt from a mile away and rightfully let me know it was hugely inappropriate for us to start a relationship because of the deal we were working with. I agreed and although I’ve dated plenty the last year I’ve been pining after her this entire time. Two weeks ago the deal was officially finalized. I’m not kidding when I say this, literally less than 60 seconds after the deal was announced I asked her out and thank goodness she accepted. The date was incredible. She told me how difficult it’s been the last few several months working so closely with me when we had such strong feelings for each other. Just like how so many of my friends know about her she’s also told her friends about me. Spent the entire evening talking about how excited we finally are and then she came home with me. Now I have no idea how, but Jean found out. She messaged her 2 days later on LinkedIn asking to talk. LC thought Jean was an annoying recruiter or saleswoman at first and then Jean mentioned she knows about us seeing each other. Jean told LC that she and I were in a “complicated and bumpy phase” in our relationship. When LC didn’t respond, Jean mentioned how I manipulate and use women. How I’m a serial dater and only chase women and if a girl has feelings I hurt them instead. LC was freaked out about this, the next day she asked me for coffee and showed me all of this. Said she likes me but she really doesn’t want to get involved in any drama maybe we shouldn’t see each other. I had to beg her to give me a chance. I told her our entire history and thank god I actually wrote it down in the previous posts so I showed those to her too. She agreed to give us a chance but I can see she’s shaken up with all of this. I’m infuriated, I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve never been a vengeful and hurtful person but I’m really tempted to call Jean and say some incredibly hurtful things to her. LC and I have blocked her in all mediums of communication. I made my sister do the same who’s also freaked out by how Jean is behaving. This is probably and hopefully the final update. I’m kind of upset that so many of you told me how manipulative and potentially dangerous Jean was and I completely ignored it. I’ve learned my lesson now though and will act accordingly if I have to interact with Jean again. I honestly think going through an abusive relationship taught her some incredibly toxic things, I’m angry with her but I know in my heart she wasn’t always like this. I urge anyone if they’re able to donate to the The National Domestic Violence Hotline which LC and I did. 501(c)(3) non-profit organization and donations are tax-deductible to the full extent of the law. [https://www.thehotline.org/donate/](https://www.thehotline.org/donate/) ​ \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

I (30M) rejected one of my best friends (28F) I used to be in love with

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TheKingofSafari

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0gcmt/i_30m_rejected_one_of_my_best_friends_28f_i_used/

z0gf3s

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Support for people with diabetes receives a "vital boost" from a premier annual conference

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[deleted]

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z0hd28

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OOP returned to aerial silks after years off. Her fiancé then began pressuring her to perform acrobatic party tricks with friends, in bed, and their wedding despite being told "no" numerous times

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[deleted]

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z0hf59

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OOP returned to aerial silks after years off. Her fiancé then began pressuring her to perform acrobatic party tricks with friends, in bed, and their wedding despite being told "no" numerous times

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[deleted]

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z0hqdh

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OOP's Baking gets their cousin making accusations of selling out

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chimpfunkz

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0hqdh/oops_baking_gets_their_cousin_making_accusations/

z0k16b

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AITA for 'selling out' on my Grandma's secret recipe? (An actual, real cake story)

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Anra7777

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0k16b/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/

z0n0ke

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Looking for the update to a story

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stalkedthrowout

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0n0ke/looking_for_the_update_to_a_story/

z0ortj

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OP - My boyfriend's kids think I'm the second woman...

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Cute_Luck8187

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0ortj/op_my_boyfriends_kids_think_im_the_second_woman/

z0r7vv

Post [I left my boyfriend over his foot fetish and I hate myself.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysz4nn/i_left_my_boyfriend_over_his_foot_fetish_and_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by [ThrowRAfeetproblem](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRAfeetproblem/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) on [TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) 9 days ago. # I left my boyfriend over his foot fetish and I hate myself. ​ I was with him for a year and our relationship was fucking amazing. He constantly made me feel loved and always treated me with respect. He was always doing little things for me and would help me with stuff even when I didn't ask for it. The sex was amazing too, it just felt like we were compatible on every level. About three months ago, he told me he had something to confess. He said that he had a foot fetish and that he hadn't told me about it because an ex of his had taken it weird and he didn't want me to think badly of him. Looking back it was kind of obvious since he would always compliment my nail polish and was pretty eager to rub my feet if I asked him to. He even paid for me to get a pedicure because he said french tips would look cute on me. Nothing really changed much after that point. He wasn't pushy or anything, but he would suck on my toes during sex which admittedly felt pretty good. I was hanging out with three of my friends a few weeks ago and I mentioned that he liked my feet. Two of them started telling me that was a red flag and that he might be a creep. I had seen some people who were weird about it online before but they were showing me all these websites and forums and people who take creep shots of women's feet and I started feeling anxious. My third friend who was there was neutral about it but told me maybe to talk to him because he had never really given off those kinds of vibes. I stupidly didn't and pushed it to the back of my head until I saw him again two days later. We were at my apartment and were messing around. He started to kiss my feet and I pulled back from him. He asked me what was wrong and I spent like 10 minutes just repeating what my friends had told me and about how people who like feet are weird and don't care about anything else. He looked really sad and told me he didn't know I felt like that about him. He got up and left. I don't fucking know why I said any of that stupid shit to him. He had never been creepy, he had never been anything but loving to me but I called him a pervert. And then I immediately turned to my friends and they were telling me that he was confirmed one of those creepy feet guys because he left instead of talking to me and apologizing. My neutral friend again told me to talk to him, but I spent two days thinking to myself that there must be something wrong with him. He didn't contact me again so I texted him "We need to talk about our relationship." He texted back he would come over that night, and he did. He was holding a box of my stuff I had left at his place and said "I'm not going to stay with someone who thinks I'm a predator." Then he just walked away. I was stunned and didn't say anything, but that quickly turned to anger. I just thought "They were right, he's a fucking creep, I'm glad he's gone." I turned to my friends again and the two told me they'd help me get over him and hook me up with someone normal. My neutral friend advised me again to not leave my relationship like this but I'm an idiot. I'm horrible. I'm a piece of fucking shit and I deserve fucking everything I get. Every night the past month I've been thinking about him, and the more I think the bigger that pit in my stomach gets. It all exploded a week ago. I got extremely drunk and had that horrible realization hit me all at once. I lost the man I loved over nothing. NOTHING. It was my fucking fault and I would never be with him again. I was sobbing hysterically and called both of my two friends who had egged me on. I told them that I never wanted to see them again and some other things I won't repeat here. I blocked them on everything. My other friend tried calling me but I couldn't bear to talk to her. It was about 1am when I called him. He hadn't blocked me so it went through. I begged him to take me back. I told him about what my friends had told me. I told him he wasn't a pervert and that I should never have told him that. I told him I loved him more than anything and that I trusted him, that he could do whatever he wanted with any part of my body and that I would never think he was some kind of creep because I know he isn't like that. He cut me off eventually. He told me that if I was drinking to please stop and go to sleep. He sounded so sad and it just shattered my fucking heart again. He tried calling me earlier tonight but I didn't pick up. I'm so fucking scared that he's going to tell me to just fuck off and leave him alone. I know I would deserve it. I know I deserve worse. But I can't do it. I love him so fucking much. I need him. I just want him to hold me again and touch me wherever he wants and tell me that he forgives me. I feel like throwing up whenever I think that he might never be with me again. I wish I wasn't such a stupid bitch. \*EDIT: I texted him that I would call him back tomorrow if he still wants to talk. He replied that that would be fine. Also about my friends, I'm going to try to talk to all three of them. I'm still going to cut off the two that pushed me to this because the more I think about it, the more I remember little details that make it seem like they've never really liked my ex. My other friend I'm going to try calling tomorrow. I really need to apologize to her too. I realize that even if there was pressure on me, this is 100% my fault. I should have taken the time to recognize that my ex was nothing like they were making him out to be. And I shouldn't have discussed his fetish with them. Although I never really discussed the sexual part of it and just told them that he thought my feet were cute, I should never have talked about it. I'm going to tell him all of this when we talk. \*EDIT 2: I texted him again asking if he'd be okay meeting up in person rather than talking over the phone. I would rather see him face to face and apologize directly to him, rather than over the phone. He replied that he was fine with that, so I'll be heading over to meet him around noon. Let me preface this next part by saying I know none of this absolves me at all for what I've done, but I want to give some context to this situation. I've been together with those three friends of mine since high school. We have always been very close and I've trusted them with a lot of intimate details about my life. We all helped each other through bad times and enjoyed a lot of good times too. They were also my first really close friends. In grade school and early high school I kept a lot to myself and didn't interact very much with other kids. I have other friends now, but no one I trusted as much as them. I think a lot of you are right in saying that I have no spine and have let them choose everything for me. Now that I think about it I'm struggling to think of a time when I chose what we were doing on a particular day or where we were eating and other stuff. And I was like that with my ex too, letting him pick whatever even when he specifically asked me what I wanted. I know none of that is an excuse for my weakness, but that's been my life. I've already looked up some therapists that accept my insurance and I'm going to call one to schedule an appointment. After reading a lot of these comments I'm starting to get more scared at the prospect of him taking me back and me hurting him horribly again in some way. I don't know if I should tell him any of this, but I'm writing down some notes to keep my thoughts on what I'm going to say to him organized. First I'm going to apologize to him for what I did. Even if that's the only thing I can get out before he leaves, I'm going to tell him how sorry I am and that I will go with whatever he decides, even if that means I never see him again. Thank you for the comments. I know I'm not a good person, but I'm going to try to be better, and if he does take me back I'm going to become someone he deserves to be with. I'll probably make an update post later if anything happens. \*EDIT 3: I just got back from meeting him and I think I'm going to end up typing a lot for the update. Would it be preferable to just edit it into this post or make an entirely new thread? \*\*FINAL EDIT: Before I start, I don't intend anything in this update to be taken as a self-absolution of guilt or blame. I accept that I'm the one that screwed up and the blame rests solely on me. I'm not trying to diminish that or what I did. So there's a park about halfway between both of our places. We decided to meet there. I arrived a few minutes before he did and was very nervous. When I saw him walking up I felt the urge to cry but I drove it down. I didn't want to do anything that would make him think I'm trying to manipulate him. It was worse when he hugged me, but I managed to compose myself. He asked how I was doing and I told him the truth, that I was messed up. I asked him the same and he told me he was okay but he had that same sad look on his face from the last time I saw him. I asked him if I could tell him something before we talked about anything else and pulled out the apology I had written in my notes. I told him I was sorry for everything. I was sorry for making him feel unsafe with me. I was sorry for ever insinuating that he was a pervert. I was sorry for betraying his trust and telling others about our sex life. I was sorry for not communicating with him. I was sorry for not standing up for him. I was sorry for not standing up for myself and letting my opinion of him be colored by anything other than the two of us. I was sorry for leaving him in the dark for a month and not talking to him sooner. I was sorry for my drunken rant, for trying to emotionally manipulate him into coming back to me, and especially for making him feel like I still thought he was a pervert. I was sorry for hurting him the same way his ex had. At one point I noticed he was tearing up and I just couldn't hold it anymore. I cried while I finished reading it to him. I told him that I was truly happy with him and I hope he isn't put off from exploring his fetish in the future, whoever that might be with. He thanked me and we cried together for a little while. He started talking and told me the reason he called was that two of my friends had contacted him and explained that they were worried about me and told him some of what had happened. It was the "neutral" friend along with one of the two friends who had fed me the stuff about foot fetishes. I didn't get a lot of the specifics and I didn't ask anything else because there was more important stuff he wanted to talk about, but I guess I could get what happened straight from one of them. I was a little deflated after he told me this and worried he might think I was trying to manipulate him through my friends, but he quickly moved on. He told me the whole story about his ex. They had been together for longer than we had, about two years, before he told her about his fetish. The difference was that she was immediately disgusted by it. She told him she was leaving no matter how much he begged and promised he would never bring it up again. But then he told me what I did felt much worse because it seemed like I had accepted him only to stab him in the back. I wanted to get on my knees and beg him to forgive me, but I let him finish. In the end, we were both quiet for a while before he asked if we were done. I know I should've been strong and told him that I would go with whatever he decided, but I'm weak. I asked him if there was any chance we could still be together. He told me that he still had feelings for me but that he couldn't handle me hurting him again. I mentioned the stuff with my friends and that I was looking to start therapy. He told me he was happy that I was doing that, but it wasn't changing his mind. He said there might be a chance in the future, after I've worked on myself, but right now he was too hurt. I get the feeling that he was just saying that so I wouldn't be hurt. We hugged again and said goodbye and I had to fight every urge in my body to not run after him. I know I screwed up at the end, but I'm taking steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm going to call my friend (the "neutral" one), and ask if she can forgive me for not talking to her too, and maybe if she can come over and hide my phone from me so I don't get the urge to bother him. I don't know about my two other friends. I don't know about anything right now. I spent like 5 of the last 6 hours crying and I feel just about out of tears. I'm running on like 3 hours of sleep. I think I'm going to just try and sleep and then continue looking for therapists in the morning. I don't know if I'll update anymore so sorry if anyone was expecting more. \*EXTRA EDIT: So this is going to be the last thing I'll post. I slept for a while and when I woke up my friend got in contact with me and came over. She wasn't the least bit mad at me and was just concerned that I hadn't talked to her. I apologized profusely to her. I really don't deserve her kindness, but it honestly felt good after everything today. To the people who messaged me with concern, thank you and I think I'll be fine. I'm still going to go to therapy to work on my problems and make sure I never do something like this to someone I love ever again. I'm probably never posting on this account again. I had some people messaging me some weird shit and claiming to be people in my life, so if you ever see someone try and make an update for this story, it ain't actually me. The only person in my circle that actually uses reddit is my friend that's with me now. I showed her this and she's assured me she won't post about it. Good night. LAST EDIT WAS 7 DAYS AGO IM NOT OP

OP left her boyfriend over his foot fetish and she hate herself.

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Ok-Replacement7697

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0r7vv/op_left_her_boyfriend_over_his_foot_fetish_and/

z0spsy

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A post about actual cakes! OP asks, AITA for 'selling out' on my Grandma's secret recipe?

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0spsy/a_post_about_actual_cakes_op_asks_aita_for/

z0uyk9

My Mom Lied To Me & My Real Dad Just Showed Up NEW Update (Nov 13, '22) This is a new update **on the Uncle situation** of an ongoing story. Due to the length -and the fact that this story now has 17 posts- I am linking the OOP's post history page instead of pasting the text and links of the entire series here. The original posts were made by u/ThrowRAdadarrived in r/relationship_advice, beginning back in Dec 2021, with the newest update on Nov 13, '22. **I am including the last part of the last update about the uncle with a TLDR** [OOP's post history ](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdadarrived/submitted/) *In his last updates, OOP had been slowly building a friendship with his bother. His parents were learning how to co-parent and had started dating. Things were looking up.* [What I've Learned](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdadarrived/comments/xqv5fi/what_ive_learned/ ) A few people had asked about my uncle on my last post. I do have an update on that but unfortunately it’s not a good one. My dad hired one of his PI friends to locate his brother. My dad said he’s wanted to look for him several times but always decided against it. Seeing me and Ryan has brought a lot of those memories back up for him and he decided it was time to try. My uncle lives a couple hours away from my home. My dad called the number a few weeks ago and got my uncle’s voicemail. He left a message and his phone number but never heard back. He was crushed. I wish my uncle would’ve at least called him back but it’s been 20 something years so I guess maybe he doesn’t care about making amends anymore. Idk. I feel awful for my dad. He was really hoping to reconcile with his brother. I told him to write a letter but he said it’s better not to push it right now and that my uncle has the contact info if he ever wants to reach out. Hope all is well for everyone. Sorry I don’t have more exciting updates. Life has been pretty dull for me lately. I appreciate anyone who is still checking in though. Take care! **TLDR of the uncle situation:** Something happened between dad and the uncle a long time ago. Dad has not told him what exactly happened but it resulted in the uncle going completely no contact with the whole family. OOP has tried to ask about it, but dad isn't ready to talk about it.* [New Update On Uncle](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdadarrived/comments/yun3fs/uncle_scott/) Uncle "Scott" I screwed up and my dad paid the price for it. I meddled and stuck my nose in my family’s business. I wanted my dad to have the Thanksgiving dinner he was dreaming about. Instead, I ruined the entire holiday two weeks early. I’m going to be referring to my uncle as Scott. That’s not his real name. I know it probably seems silly to start using fake names now, but when I made my first post on my personal profile that named Ryan and Josh I had exactly 27 followers from the advice subreddit. I thought maybe 5 at most would comment. I never expected thousands of people to eventually follow and see these posts. Sorry if this is written poorly. I wrote it and quickly skimmed it as a proofread but I don’t really wanna dwell on the events any longer so I’m just posting it as is. A quick recap: Over the summer my dad decided to try to reach out to his brother that he hasn’t seen or heard from in over 20 years. When he saw how Ryan and I had worked past our differences and how we’re becoming closer with each other it made him miss his own brother. He asked one of his PI colleagues to look into Uncle Scott’s current whereabouts. It turns out he lives only two hours away from my town, and one hour from the city where Ryan and our dad live. My dad initially called the number he was given. Scott didn’t answer but dad left a voicemail. He never heard back. He tried to hide it but we could tell he was really upset. I asked him what the story was between them two but he didn’t want to tell me at the time. During mid-October we were discussing plans for Thanksgiving. My parents were excited because it was gonna be our first family holiday together. My dad invited mine and Ryan’s grandparents. My maternal grandparents were coming. So were Josh and his parents (They don’t have any family nearby and always spend it with my family). My dad told me and Ryan that he wished he could see his brother too. He decided to write a letter and mailed it to the address he had for my uncle. I don’t know exactly what was said on it as it was private but my dad did say he invited my uncle to meet up with him to talk and maybe come to Thanksgiving dinner if things went well. Two weeks went by and he didn’t get a response. He was understandably upset again even though he still tried to hide it. I hate that he does that. He tries to always be the strong, stoic man of the house. He’s not afraid to show emotion but he always puts himself last. So the big question: Why did my dad and uncle fall out 22 years ago? I’m sorry to say I can’t give a completely clear answer due to my father’s and family’s privacy. A couple weeks ago Ryan and I asked him again what the story was. He didn’t want to tell us but we kept bugging him so finally he told us what happened between the two of them. Again, I can’t get completely specific so I apologize. But basically my dad inherited a large sum of money and a family heirloom from my great grandpa when he died. Scott received money too but apparently nowhere near as much as my dad. And the inherited item is a family heirloom that for whatever reason is important in our family. These were passed down to my dad because he’s the first born grandson and I guess my great grandpa had some antiquated idea about the item’s line of succession. Apparently this heirloom was an extremely coveted object in the family. My dad was 19 when he inherited it. Scott was 16 at the time. He was jealous not so much about the money difference, but the heirloom. He apparently demanded he had just as much of a birthright to it. The only problem is that it’s not something that can be split and it was already given to my father. Dad said that he just told his brother to get over it because it was done and over with. That probably sounds super confusing and I might’ve explained it horribly but in a nutshell, it was an inheritance fight. Dad got something Scott wanted. Scott was angry over it. Dad admits he wasn’t very sympathetic at the time and told our uncle to just accept it as there was nothing to be done about it. He said before that they were pretty close and always got along. Their relationship was tense and dwindling for two years until my uncle turned 18 and walked away from the entire family. He never got past it. Tbh when me and Ryan heard that explanation we thought...that’s it? That was the big incident that’s caused them to be no contact for decades; a dispute over some stupid family inheritance? It honestly sounded so dumb and I think my dad realizes that now. He admitted that he didn’t want to tell us what happened not because it’s some horrifying family secret, but because he was embarrassed at how childish the whole thing was in retrospect. He said by the time he was in his mid twenties it didn’t even matter anymore and he wanted to reach out to his brother but he was ashamed at how he acted back then. Then he found out Ryan’s mom was pregnant and his priorities shifted to his new family and he let it go for so long even though he’s missed him. Seeing me and Ryan become not just brothers but actual friends made him realize he didn’t want to go the rest of his life without burying the hatchet with his own brother, but he said that his brother clearly wanted nothing to do with him so he had to make peace with that. That’s where I fucked up. I should have left it alone, but I couldn’t accept that they would just go their entire lives without each other. I thought they could work past it if they just sat down and talked the way that Ryan and I had done back in April. I now know that it was silly for me to equate the situations but I had a fantasy in my head of convincing my uncle to come to Thanksgiving dinner. Our dad does so much for all of us and he never does anything for himself. I wanted him to have the Thanksgiving he really wanted, with his brother. I snuck into my dad’s home office and found the file he had with Scott’s information. I lucked out that he had the file in his desk drawer and not in the locked safe where he keeps client information/documents. Scott works as a dentist so I called the number for his work pretending like I was trying to set up an appointment. I asked the lady on the phone what days he wasn’t available and she told me he’s off Friday through Sunday. That worked out because we had the day off of school on Friday for Veteran’s Day. So I made a plan to drive to his house hoping to catch him and talk. Originally Josh was gonna come with me but his dad told him last minute that he had to stay home to help with something, so I was gonna just go alone. I asked Ryan to cover for me if our dad or my mom asked where I was. He told me that my plan was insane and not to do it. I should have listened but I told him I was going anyway so he decided to come with me because he didn’t want me to be alone in case our uncle was crazy or something. I won’t lie, I was glad he came with because I was a little nervous even though I was dead set on going. So we drove to Scott’s city and went to his home. We knocked on the door and it was actually him that answered. I’d only seen a couple of old pictures of him when he was young but I just knew it was him because he looks a lot like our dad and grandpa. The genes on my dad’s side are really strong. When he confirmed his name we told him we were his nephews and he slammed the door in our faces. But we didn’t go all that way just to go back home without saying what we had to say. We kept knocking and ringing the doorbell but he wouldn’t answer. So Ryan did what he does best and got under Scott’s skin until he got a reaction. He yelled out that we weren’t going anywhere so he should probably let us in unless he wants to explain to all his neighbors why he’s got two teenage boys loudly begging to be let into his house. Scott opened the door again and told us to leave or he was gonna call the cops. I told him fine, call them. But at least hear what we have to say until they get here. Which is stupid, I know, but I was desperate. He finally let us in, I think mostly just to get us to shut up and stop making a scene on his front porch. He was home alone but he had a lot of pictures hanging on the walls of him with a woman and young girl so it seems like he’s married with a daughter. We sat down in his living room and he asked us what he wanted. We asked if he’d gotten our dad’s voicemail and letter. He said he did and that he turned off the voicemail when he realized who it was and threw away the letter without reading it. We asked him why he wouldn’t consider giving our dad a chance and he said he moved on a long time ago. Ryan asked him that if he’s over the fight why won’t he just let it go and talk to our dad. Scott replied that he’s not looking to dredge up the past. We did confirm with him that our dad was telling the truth about the inheritance dispute. Although Scott added that our dad wasn’t a good older brother after that fight (weirdly enough, our dad has said the exact same thing to us before). I asked if there was something else that either of them wasn’t telling us and he said that there’s nothing, he just never got along with our dad after the reading of the will. Ryan told him that our dad really misses him and Scott said that he misses someone who doesn’t exist anymore. I tried telling him that it all seemed silly and asked if it was really worth still holding onto a grudge 22 years later? I would understand if our dad stole his girlfriend or badly beat him up or something unforgivable. And yes, I’m sure everyone knows that it sucks to be told to get over something when you’re upset. But in the moment at Scott’s house I was just thinking, was that really worth throwing away an entire family? It doesn’t seem like our dad or Scott were lying but it makes no sense to me that they gave up their whole relationship with each other over this stupid item that neither of them seem to even care about anymore. I told Scott that we don’t know who our dad was then, but we know who he is now. I said that our dad talks about him and his regret in their falling out all the time. Our uncle wouldn’t budge though. He insisted it was in the past. Ryan wouldn’t let it go and was arguing with him which just made Scott mad. Ryan told him (without being specific) that he and I had a lot of problems with each other earlier this year but we were able to work past it and forgive each other because that’s what family is supposed to do. Eventually Scott told Ryan that we don’t understand the kind of betrayal he felt from our dad because we didn’t grow up together. Me and Ryan noticed it immediately. He slipped up. I asked him how he knew that but he didn’t even realize what he had said. So I asked him how could he possibly know that we didn’t grow up together if he hasn’t spoken to anyone in the family in two decades. He kind of stumbled on his words for a second before he said because we’re obviously half-brothers. Only it’s not obvious. Ryan and I don’t look like twins but I think the vast majority of people would be able to tell we’re brothers right away. Also, we’re both complete white boys so it’s not like there’s a skin tone difference that would give away our half relation either. And even if it WAS somehow “obvious” that we’re half brothers I don’t think that automatically tells people that you didn’t grow up together. We asked again how he knows about us being half brothers but he got mad and started shouting at us to get out of his house and never come back. Ryan started yelling that we weren’t leaving but Scott was pissed off and yelling at us to just go home. I grabbed Ryan and told him let’s just go. It was kind of scary to be honest. I never got the sense that he was gonna hit us or anything but the way he shifted so quickly from someone who was slightly annoyed but talking to us calmly to just straight up angry and yelling at us to get out was a shock. When we got back into my car I realized my dad had called me six times. Ryan had even more missed calls and showed me a text message from our dad that said he knew where we were and to get home now in all caps. I asked Ryan if he’d left his location sharing on and he confirmed that he had. I asked why and he said just in case Scott was a psycho and locked us in his basement or something. At least our parents would know where to look. He texted our dad that we were heading back home but neither of us answered his or my mom’s calls. We knew we were in trouble. On the ride back we tried to figure out how our uncle knew about the past year. We thought maybe he’d seen my Reddit posts. But that didn’t make sense because I never wrote my dad’s name and theoretically he shouldn’t know Ryan’s name or even of his existence. The only thing I said in my posts relating to my uncle was that he and our dad hadn’t talked in 20+ years and that’s not exactly a smoking gun for identification. When we got to our dad’s house he was MAD. He was yelling at us asking what we were thinking going over there and why we would be so reckless. That was the first time he’s ever yelled at me and as much as I hate to admit it, it brought back all my fears that he was gonna abandon me and decide he didn’t want me as a son. I tried to tell him not to blame Ryan because it was my fault and he just didn’t want me to go alone. I told him I was the one who took Scott’s info from his desk and insisted on visiting him but it didn’t matter to our dad. He told us we both exhibited poor judgment and we should have known better than to run off and go visit a complete stranger an hour away from home. Ryan told him that he’s not a stranger, he’s your brother. Our dad shouted exactly that our uncle is HIS brother and a stranger to the two of us. He said he doesn’t know what his brother has been up to for the last 20 years and whether or not it was safe for us to be around him, let alone secluded with him at his house. I said that we just wanted to make him feel better but apparently that was the wrong thing to say because he asked us how much better do we think he’s gonna feel if something had happened to the two of us because we were trying to do something for him. All we could say was sorry at that point. Once he was done yelling Ryan told him that we had to tell him something. Our dad asked what happened but then Ryan backed out and told me to tell him. So I told him everything that happened from when we got there and ending with the fact that Scott somehow knew we were half brothers and didn’t grow up together. I could see the gears turning in our dad’s head but he told me and Ryan to go to our rooms and that we were grounded for what we did. We tried protesting but he put his foot down and told us not to argue with him. It’s a strange feeling, being grounded by my dad for the first time a week before my eighteenth birthday. I messed up even further by pleading to my mom. I told her I don’t even live here and idk being grounded by my dad just seemed weird (I obviously didn’t say that second part out loud). That was clearly a mistake. My mom quickly listed off my offenses. She said that I broke into my father’s office, stole private information from his desk, lied to her about where I was gonna be that day, drove hours away from home to a completely different city without their permission, and harassed a man into letting us into his home. She said I was 100% grounded and I better hope my dad gives me a lighter punishment than the one she was considering. I almost never get in trouble so I was hoping that my mom would be out of practice, but she really doesn’t miss a beat when it comes to discipline. Ryan and I went to our rooms. As I said before I thought that I had just heard my dad yelling. Turns out I was wrong. When he was talking to us he was just raising his voice. He got on the phone and he started actually yelling. I could hear him all the way from my room. Keep in mind, my dad does not have a small house and my room is on the opposite side of the house from his bedroom. That’s how loud he was yelling. I couldn’t make out all the words but I could hear how angry he was. Long story short, he called my grandparents and it turns out they’ve been in contact with Uncle Scott for years. My mom explained it to me when we got home but apparently Scott wasn’t on speaking terms with anyone when he turned 18. After a couple years he reconciled with my grandparents under the condition that they had a separate relationship not involving my dad at all. This has been going on for 20 years. My dad had no idea. Ryan said it sort of makes sense because apparently sometimes they had weird holiday hours with our grandparents. Like one year our grandparents went to their house for Thanksgiving and left before 4pm. Another year they insisted Ryan’s family go to visit them on Christmas Eve and not stay for Christmas Day. Our grandparents’ excuse for the odd times/days was that they were visiting their oldest friends who have no family in a different city on those holidays. It’s now clear that they were likely visiting Scott and his family. My dad yelled at his parents that he never wanted to speak to them again and he uninvited them from Thanksgiving. It’s all a mess. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. As if all it would take to recover from two decades of estrangement was one conversation from someone he’s never even met. It was stupid. I know that now. My mom was understanding that I was trying to do something nice but she said I went about it completely the wrong way by sneaking around. It didn’t click for me until she told me to imagine if she and I were in a fight and some family member I’ve never met came to me and tried to tell me how I’m supposed to feel about it. And I now know that what we did on the front porch was harassment. I wish I could apologize to Scott for it. I just had an idea in my head of what was “supposed to” happen and had tunnel vision on making it a reality. I let my emotions control my actions instead of my brain. That night Ryan went to his mom’s for the weekend. My dad came over to our house the next day. I think he just wanted to be with my mom. He’s not even hiding how upset he is. I don’t think he can this time. He said none of it is my fault and that he’s not mad at me and the worst part is that I actually believe he’s telling the truth about not being mad. When he came over yesterday one of the first things he said to me was not to worry about my college fund because he would be paying for me. My grandparents had previously offered to pay for my tuition over the summer. I still can’t believe it. I ruined his relationship with his parents and all he had to say to me was that he’d take care of my tuition in their place. I don’t give a shit about the college money. I care about him. So now Thanksgiving is ruined because I couldn’t just mind my own damn business and stay out of it. I’m sorry if that’s disappointing. I know a lot of people praised me for being mature in how I handled things with Ryan at the beginning of the year. I’m sorry that I can’t live up to that standard. I had good intentions, but that doesn’t make what I did okay. I’m not going to be reaching out to Scott (I promised my parents I would leave him alone from now on) or my grandparents. I’ve caused enough damage already. All I can do is keep apologizing to my dad and pray that this month goes by quickly. I don’t even want to celebrate Thanksgiving or my birthday anymore. I’m not looking for sympathy and I’m not depressed so please don’t send me any Reddit Cares messages. I’m disappointed in myself right now but I’ll recover. I always do. Eventually. Hope you all had a great Halloween and have been well. **OOP put up another update that hadn't shown up for me:** [Newer Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdadarrived/comments/yzubeh/eighteen/) My birthday was yesterday. I’m legally an adult. I can vote, join the military, get a tattoo, rent an apartment, and a multitude of other things that I couldn’t do two days ago. A whole world of possibilities has just opened up to me. And yet, even with the knowledge of all the new opportunities available to me I don’t feel any different. My dad was quiet and somber after the revelation that his parents have been in regular contact with his brother for the past twenty years. I thought he’d be hurt by that forever. I guess it’s possible he always will in one way or another. However, two days before my birthday (and the day before my grounding ended) he stopped by the house and pulled me into a big hug before asking if I was excited for my birthday party. It was like nothing had happened. He was back to his regular self in just a few days. I didn’t understand it. I still don’t. My dad’s been looking forward to my birthday. A lot more than I have actually, even before the shit show that took place last weekend. My mom had been telling me he was excited to get to throw me a birthday party for the first time. He had the entire thing planned out but he wouldn’t tell me about it. He only asked what kind of cake I wanted. He did a fantastic job. I’ve been to several parties in the building it was at but I’ve never seen it decorated the way that it was for my 18th. He really went above and beyond. The theme he chose was “Happy Birthdays” and there was even a giant banner that said “Happy Birthdays Caleb” on one of the walls. The night was filled with singing, dancing, and laughing. There was a ton of food. Luckily a lot of people actually showed up, including people from school I don’t even really talk to, otherwise all that food would’ve gone to waste. It was the best birthday party I’ve ever had. Only I couldn’t fully enjoy it. There were moments where I let myself be happy and enjoy myself. But I had this constant feeling of guilt. My dad put together an extravagant birthday party for me even after I ruined his Thanksgiving plans. I know the general consensus is that it wasn’t my fault and that my grandparents made their decision themselves. I understand that but I still couldn’t help but feel guilty about the whole thing. It didn’t help that he bought me eighteen gifts. One for this year, and seventeen for all the other birthdays that he missed. He really put a lot of thought into the gifts. Obviously my mom had to help him pick things out but the amount of effort blew my mind. He got gifts that reflected either milestones or my interests at every age. For the first gift he got me a large plastic bottle with milk chocolate candies in it. For the sixth gift he got me a Pokémon shirt with the Gen 5 starters because when I was six I was obsessed with Pokémon. For the twelfth gift he bought me a Minecraft lego set. The sixteenth was a roadside kit and car wash gift card. Finally, the eighteenth gift was a new laptop with preinstalled software which he says is for writing. My mom told me later that the entire party with the theme and the eighteen gifts was his idea. Her role in the gifts was simply to tell him what my interests were at every age and show him pictures/videos of my past birthday parties and gifts. I don’t know how anyone could ever top that entire gesture. It was just so well-planned and thought out. After the party my core group of friends and my girlfriend came over to our house. We just hung out for a bit talking about the party and looking at our classmates' posts about it before I had to take my girlfriend home because of her curfew. The guys were all staying over for a movie game night. My mom and Josh knew something was up with me most of the night. Josh knew specifically because I had told him how I’d been feeling. My mom is just psychic and always knows when I’m not myself. But when I dropped my girlfriend off she asked if everything was okay. She knows what went down last weekend but I hadn't seen her in person almost all week since I was grounded. She thought that I was upset at her for something she might have done at the party which just made me feel like crap. I haven’t said much about my girlfriend in the past because despite my tendency to overshare on my family drama, I do like to keep some things like my dating life private. But when it came to my birthday party she was incredible all night. She helped set up the table decorations and was immensely patient and understanding when I was trying to make sure that I talked to everyone who came to the party all night. She led the happy birthday song with my mom. My relationship with my ex was a lot...different than with my current girlfriend and it’s a breath of fresh air. Honestly she’s just all around amazing and I’m incredibly lucky to have her. So the fact that she thought I was upset with her made me realize that I need to get my head out of my ass and stop being so mopey because it’s starting to affect the people I care about. I apologized and assured her that she helped make my birthday party the best one ever, which is true. When I got back home I decided that I would sit on the porch bench swing for a few minutes and let go of the guilt at least temporarily so I could enjoy the rest of my birthday with my friends. As I was sitting there my dad came outside. He probably saw me because you can see the bench swing from inside the house if the curtains are open. He asked what I was doing and I told him that I just needed a minute before I went back inside to the craziness that happens anytime my friends and I get together. He sat down with me asked me how it felt to be eighteen. I told him that I thought I’d feel different. Smarter, older. I thought that just knowing that I was eighteen now would make me feel like an adult. But the truth is it feels a lot like seventeen. My dad kind of chuckled and explained to me that there’s no moment at eighteen where your brain switches to adult mode. He says it happens slowly over time and that I likely won’t even notice when it does. That I’ll just think of or see something one day and realize the way I feel about it has changed because I’m older and have more life experience. And even then I won’t have all the answers. I’ll still mess up and make mistakes. Then he said the truth is that we’re all just people trying to figure life out as we go along. I told him that he makes adulthood sound depressing. He laughed and said it really sucks some days but that I have him and my mom to help me whenever I need them. I apologized for ruining Thanksgiving. He just put his arm around me in a side hug and said I didn’t ruin anything. He had said that before, the day after everything happened, but I think it was all so fresh for him that his mind was somewhere else when he said it. Which is completely fair. I told him that if I would’ve just minded my own business his parents would still be coming for Thanksgiving and he would still have hope that his brother might wanna reconcile one day. He assured me that I’m not responsible for other people’s actions and that all that stuff happened years before I was born. I did ask him if he meant what he said about never talking to grandma and grandpa again. He said that he meant it at the time but that they’re still his parents and he still loves them. He doesn’t wanna lose any more family members if he can help it. Then he told me that the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that if he was in their position he would’ve done the same thing. That if me or Ryan told him he could have a separate relationship with us or none at all he would choose separate every time. He said that he needs time away from his parents right now because regardless of their excuses about Scott insisting they couldn’t tell my dad anything all these years that they could have at the very least told him that Scott was doing alright. I guess my dad has talked to them about how he missed Scott several times over the years and they said nothing every time. That’s what he’s most hurt about. He also mentioned that it was disrespectful of them to tell Scott everything that was happening in his life, especially regarding me and what happened at the end of last year. At that point my mom came out and reminded me that my friends were all waiting for me inside. She sat down with us and asked if I felt any better. I did. Even though nothing was really resolved, just talking it out with my dad made me feel better. You would think by now I would know that just talking things through would be the answer instead of overthinking and wondering “What if?” I guess I’m still learning that lesson even after all this time. Ever since I was little my mom has done this thing where she rubs my back in a circular motion. Whenever I was upset she would always do that. I don’t think it does much physically but it always makes me feel better. She asked if I was too old for a back rub now. I told her no. Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow that. She rubbed my back and we just talked about random stuff that’s going on in our area for a few minutes. I realize how lucky I am to have parents that love me and want me to always be okay, especially when their own problems are always much worse than mine. I promise I’ll never take them for granted. I don’t know where I would be without their guidance and support. After that we all went inside and I ended up playing this horror movie video game with my friends. It was really fun. We only got halfway through it before we started to knock out one by one. We’re gonna finish it sometime next week. I don’t necessarily feel guilt anymore, but I do still feel horrible for my dad. I can’t imagine what he’s going through mentally. And I still partly believe that I don’t know the full story with him and his brother. I likely never will, but I’m keeping my promise to stay out of it. All I can really do for him is what a few people suggested on my last post. I’ll hug him more, remind him that I love him and I’m grateful for him. I hope that’s enough for now. If not, I’ll keep doing it until it is. Regarding my grandparents I haven’t spoken to them but I did get a birthday card with $500 from them. There was a short note saying that they had planned to give it to me on Thanksgiving but since they were no longer coming they just sent it through the mail. I’m not sure if I’ll keep the money. It feels kinda scummy to keep it when I’m upset with them. My dad says he has no problem with me and Ryan maintaining a relationship with them because they’re still our grandparents and the issue has nothing to do with us. But I feel like I need to stand by him and not accept the money. I don’t want to return it and potentially cause more issues so I’ll probably just donate it to the local children’s hospital. I know they accept donations this time of year specifically to buy Christmas presents for the children. I’m still a bit nervous about Thanksgiving. I think it might still be a bit awkward with the elephant in the room being my missing grandparents. However, we’ve gotten through so much this past year. I know we can handle a couple of empty spots at our Thanksgiving dinner table. I don’t think I’ll update before the day so I hope all my fellow Americans have a great Thanksgiving! **Please remember I am not the OOP. Please do not comment on the original posts as this is against BORU rules.**

Son Wants To Know Why His Dad Hasn't Talked To His Brother In 20+ Yrs (My Real Dad Just Showed Up New Nov 13, '22)

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0uyk9/son_wants_to_know_why_his_dad_hasnt_talked_to_his/

z0vobj

[deleted]

OOP - My Husband convinced me to get a job at his company, hoping it would help him to stop cheating.

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0vobj/oop_my_husband_convinced_me_to_get_a_job_at_his/

z0yiq5

[removed]

Should I step in and make the first move?

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0yiq5/should_i_step_in_and_make_the_first_move/

z0yndi

[removed]

OOP asks if she is TA for "selling" Grandma's secret recipe

CONCLUDED

huskergirl-86

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0yndi/oop_asks_if_she_is_ta_for_selling_grandmas_secret/

z0z46w

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/heartbrokenlady276 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yr5t4r/my_husband_convinced_me_to_get_a_job_at_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (10 Nov 22) **My Husband convinced me to get a job at his company, hoping it would help him to stop cheating** So my husband (m36) and I (f35) are high school sweethearts. We got pregnant in high school, dated for a few years after we had our baby, and decided we did want to get married. Through every single up and down, we were there for one another. I honestly didn’t think we could have a more perfect relationship. It’s something I have been so proud about most of my life. About four months ago, my husband asked me to get a job at his company. Before this I had just been working part time jobs, because we didn’t really need the money since we weren’t financially responsible for a child anymore. However, we agreed the extra money would be lovely to go towards our family trip funds. Something we both and our son add too as often as possible. Our hope being to take a family vacation across Europe for a few months. And we are trying to make it happen sooner than later, because our son is recently married. We want them to be able to still go one the trip without worrying about a new baby. Once I got the job I thought it was such a great decision. I was making quite a bit of extra money and seeing my husband so much more. Well a couple weeks ago, one of his co workers approached me, and asked how I could be so cool with the ongoing situation. I had no idea what she was talking about. So I asked for more detail, and she told me my husband and one of his coworkers had been having an affair for over a year. Well honestly, I trust my husband more than this woman I just met. I told him about it that night, and he immediately broke down. He told me he was so sorry, but it was true. He said I’m still the love of his life, but he needs some excitement outside of our relationship. He told me he had been feeling so guilty about it, he asked me to start working there. Hoping it would make him want to cheat less. But it’s actually just caused them to sneak around more, and find their relationship even more hot. I don’t know what to do. I’m so humiliated. I feel like I should stick this out, because we have been together so long, and I know it would devastate our son. But I don’t think I can move on from this. He didn’t even apologize. Just told me every man needs something new and exciting in a long term relationship. And that it means nothing. Well it certainly feels like something. Edit: Thank you everyone for the kind words and support. I also got many messages that were so sweet. It has been really helpful to read everyone’s advice. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell our son. I wanted to sit him down and let him know that my husband and I are getting a divorce. I bought the things to make his favorite meal, and invited him over for dinner. Well a couple hours ago, he called me and was extremely upset. He said that my husband told him I cheated and we were getting a divorce. He begged my son not to tell me, as it would just cause further problems. But my son wanted to know how I could do that to dad and couldn’t stay silent. I told him what actually happened over the phone and he started crying. I am absolutely furious that my husband put my son through that. Even though he’s an adult, it’s still a very upsetting topic and it should’ve been handled with care. Not lies. I found a great divorce lawyer with my friends help, and I am getting the ball rolling immediately. His mistress also messaged me after she found out I knew. She said I should be grateful that my husband and I had a good marriage while we did, but she would be taking my place now. I ignored her message and blocked her. I have an amazing support system in place and will be moving out later today. I’m staying with my friend and his wife until I can find a place of my own. I told my husband I was divorcing him and moving out. He broke down and asked how I could do this to our family. He said I’m the one making the decision to end it, and I should be ashamed I would throw away our marriage. He said he couldn’t believe I would throw in the towel so quickly. I told him to fuck off and go cry to his mistress. So now you’re all caught up. If anymore happens, I might update again. Thank you all again for your kind words and support. You guys have made this a little easier. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yur3cz/my_husband_convinced_me_to_get_a_job_at_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (14 Nov 22) **My husband convinced me to get a job at his company, hoping it would stop him from cheating. (UPDATE)** So I read everyone’s comments about reporting my husband and his mistress to HR. And also sleeping with his boss. I did report them to HR, but unfortunately there isn’t anything they can really do, because there’s not actually any proof. I should them the texts, but they said unless I had proof of them committing acts on work property, nothing could be done. On one bright side (I guess) I, and his mistress, found out there had been a LOT of others. Including some older than her. His oldest affair had been going on for over five years. It was just a friends with benefits type situation. It was one of them moms I was on the PTA with. Both married and just looking for sex apparently. Well his mistress is just DEVASTATED. She’s cannot believe he could possibly do this to her. She actually reached out to me asking for advice on how to handle everything. Once she realized I blocked her, she had one of our coworkers come and ask me. As for my job goes, I actually really love it. Fuck the two of them, I’m keeping it. I’m good at it, and I enjoy it. I make a livable wage from it. HR did tell me they would transfer me to a different branch, so I’m actually in the process of moving. Not just out of my ex’s and I’s house, but pretty far away. My Ex begged me for a second shot. To honor my vows and the commitment I made. He got VERY upset when I brought up the fact that he didn’t keep his vows. He told me, that first and foremost loyalty should come first. That no matter the mistake I should stand by his side. I looked at him and told him to miss my fucking ass. That is my favorite thing to come out of this so far. My son believed me 100%. Without showing him the messages from the mistress. He cut contact with his dad. Also to clear up some confusion, my son is 20. He met us girlfriend the first year of college and they got married two months ago. Very recent, and part of the reason I was so concerned about the news of his dad and I. So all in all I am moving, and starting over. And I have full support from everyone except my parents, who think I should stay and stick it out. Thank you so much to everyone who sent kind words, and encouragement. You truly made a hard time a little easier. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - My Husband convinced me to get a job at his company, hoping it would help him to stop cheating.

CONCLUDED

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0z46w/oop_my_husband_convinced_me_to_get_a_job_at_his/

z0zzry

**I am not the OP. That is u/Sad_Dad_Throwaway00. Originally posted on r/EntitledPeople.** Trigger warning: >!none!< Mood spoiler: >!infuriating!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/xx2rvp/my_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_for_his/) *posted October 6, 2022* **My son stole his dead mother's ring for his girlfriend, and now he won't talk to me after making him return it** To say I was mad as hell would be an understatement. I (46M) have a son Jake (23M & Fake Name). Jake was a good kid growing up. So him doing this was a complete shock to me. I have a daughter too, Amber (16F & Also Fake Name). When my wife passed away from Covid nearly two years ago, she already had a will in place. She was immunocompromised due to a prior condition she was diagnosed with a decade before she passed. And she made sure she had a will set just in case anything happened to her. And in said will she divided her assets between our children. And Jake got his cut as he was already 21. He used that money to put a down payment on a condo, and he also got his mother's car. But the will stated that my daughter was to get all of my wife's jewelry. That included a vintage gold ring with a diamond that had a light blue sapphire on each side of it. That ring has been passed down for generations in my wife's family. It was originally her grandmother's wedding band. Her husband was a jeweler and hand crafted the ring for her himself. And it was passed down to my wife's mother when her grandmother died, and then to my wife herself when her mother passed. And it along with the other jewelry was to all go to my daughter. When my wife passed away, my grief was intense. But I powered through it for the sake of my family. And they supported me 100%. So the betrayal from my son was just a rusty knife in the back to me. For the past eight months Jake has been dating Sara (Fake name). She has my son wrapped around her finger. And she loves jewelry as she adorns herself with it a lot. My son mentioned the family jewels my wife left his sister to Sara one day, and Sara really wanted to see them. So Jake went into my room when no one was home and showed them to her. He later admitted to me that he'd done this, and I was angry. But I thought that would be the end of it. I was wrong. Jake came to me a week ago and begged for that ring from his mother's family jewels so that he could propose with it. He said Amber had fallen in love with the ring when she saw it before, and he just knew it'd be the perfect ring to ask her to marry him with. He seemed completely convinced I'd be jumping for joy for him wanting to propose. But instead, I told him that I was not the one to ask as the ring belongs to Amber. And I wouldn't have him pressuring her to give it up it either. For a fair chance, I'd allow him to explain his reasons and ask her for it once. But only once. Without pressuring her. And if she refuses for any reason, that will be the end of it. Jake agreed and asked Amber for the ring right in front of me. But she told him no because she wanted to keep it in the family jewels, and has always loved that ring. To her, it's priceless. She couldn't bear to ever give it up. I told Jake that was that, and to not press the matter further. Jake left looking very unhappy about not getting the ring. But I thought he'd let it go and look into finding a similar one. But he came back another day while I was at work to talk to his sister after she got home from school. He and Amber got into a huge fight about the ring and Amber called me crying. I called Jake and told him to get out of my house and leave his sister alone. Jake yelled at me that he should have just as much right to the ring as his sister, because my wife was his mother too. But I reminded him he got a lot of his mother's money, and her car. The jewelry is Amber's, and only hers. He hung up on me and Amber soon texted me that he left very angry. Later right before I left work, my daughter called and told me that Jake came back. He walked in dressed in a suit, went into my room and took something. Then left without saying anything to Amber. She tried to keep him from leaving, but he shoved her out of the way. I rushed home as soon as my shift was over and checked my wife's jewelry box. The ring was gone. I immediately called Jake, but he didn't answer. So I messaged him that I'll get police involved if he doesn't return the ring. Using it to propose won't stop me from taking it back. That finally made him talk to me, and he tried to say that I couldn't do that to him because he's my son. I said I can and will because he outright stole the ring. And he'd better bring it back right away, or I would take drastic measures. Well he phoned me right after that, and in a whisper he said that it was too late. He'd taken his girlfriend out to dinner and proposed to her with the ring. He hadn't had it for more than an hour by this point. Yet the ring was already on her finger. I said that was his problem. He stole the ring, he can bring it back. It's not his, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure it's returned. And if that means going to police and blowing the whole situation up, then so be it. I'll file a report, I'll even get a lawyer. Jake started crying and saying I couldn't do this to him. I told him tough luck. He stole from both his sister and dead mother. I would not back down until the ring was returned. Jake wouldn't stop crying and making excuses. So I told him to have the ring back by morning, or I would be moving forward with legal action. Jake is my son, but he still broke the law. And I couldn't overlook what he did. He said he'd be by in the morning to talk, and ended the call while crying even more. Well Jake did show up in the morning, and brought his girlfriend with him to try and guilt us. Turns out she not only knew he stole the ring, she wanted to keep it anyway. Because she was completely in love with the ring since she first laid eyes on it. I told her I didn't care. She could have a jeweler make a copy of it or something. But the original doesn't belong to her, it belongs to my daughter and deceased wife. Jake begged me one more time not to make her give it back. But I and my daughter stood firm. Return the ring or face police and maybe even a potential lawsuit. Jake's girlfriend pulled the ring off her finger and dropped it in my daughter's hands, called me an evil bastard, then left my house in tears. Jake started screaming at me that I may have just destroyed his relationship. I retorted him that he did this to his own relationship by stealing a ring that didn't belong to him. What kind of son steals from his own sister and dead mother? That is beyond terrible! Jake had nothing more to say to me and walked out to follow after his girlfriend. I didn't get anyone else involved in the situation. But Jake did. He tried getting support from friends and family. But he got the exact opposite reaction he'd hoped for. They were all mad at him over what he'd done. I got many phone calls and message from people offering me condolences and saying they were not on Jake's side. I tried to do damage control. But now everybody knows. It's been a week now, and Jake's refused to speak to me. I've sent him detailed pictures of the ring, just in case he wanted a jeweler to replicate it. But making a copy would be very expensive unless he used fake stones. And thus far there has been no response. I don't know what the situation is with his girlfriend. If she even still is his girlfriend after what happened. But I still stand by the fact that Jake had to return the ring. I have since had all my wife's jewelry placed in a safety deposit box that only I have access to. And the jewelry will remain there until my daughter is 21. And may even stay there if she wants to keep it safe that way. I know I'm in the right to have reclaimed the ring. However I don't want my son to hate me. And I don't want the family to hate him. If anyone has any advice as to how to better mediate this situation without me giving away the ring or spending a lot of money, I'm all ears. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/y74e26/update_my_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_for_his/) *posted on October 18, 2022* **(Update) My son stole his dead mother's ring for his girlfriend, and is now blaming me for his relationship ending** Well my son's girlfriend Sara has officially broken up with him. He's devastated and blaming me. Some previously pointed out that I gave him too much credit in saying he was a good kid. He used to be. But the person he is now, I just do not recognize. Whether he was always like this deep down, or if he just fell for the wrong person and let her change him for the worse is a mystery to me. But it doesn't justify what he did. After I forced him and Sara to return the stolen ring, she apparently spent days crying in bed, then told Jake that she didn't want a different ring no matter how much he told her he'd get her another one. She wanted my deceased wife's ring. And she couldn't imagine possibly having a different one for their engagement now that it had already been on her hand. Even though it was only for a few hours and stolen. The last time I met someone who cried that much about being made to return stolen property, they were four years old. I heard more than one person say they thought Sara was being a big baby about it. The situation was no secret because Jake spilled the beans looking for support to the whole family and his/Sara's friends. As previous readers know, that backfired badly for them. Well after Jake's failed gambit for support, all the local drama lovers latched onto the situation like barnacles to a boat. And they kept messaging me with more information, even though I wasn't asking. So I was being kept in the loop even though Jake and Sara weren't talking to me. My son had the pictures I sent him so that he could try and replicate the ring, and took them to a jeweler. The jeweler said he could make a similar ring based on the pictures. But he'd want to closely examine the original and take proper measurements to make an evaluation of the stones and metal in order to see what it'd take to make as close of a copy as possible. Jake waited for a while before swallowing his pride to call me again. His girlfriend was finally at least entertaining the idea of making a copy. But she wanted it to be an EXACT copy, down to the smallest detail. They called me a couple days after I made my original post and asked me to bring the ring to a jeweler to get a proper quote on the cost of making a duplicate. I agreed to take an extended lunch break and meet at the local jeweler. I got the ring from the safety deposit box and guarded it closely. I could see Sara's eyes light up with greed the moment she saw it again. She reached her hand out and asked to wear it just one more time, then pouted like a child when I told her no. For all I knew she'd take off running the second she had it. The jeweler looked at the ring very closely for a little while, and said it was worth more than we thought. And to copy it would cost a lot. The ring was decades old, and expertly crafted by my wife's grandfather some time in the 1940s . The jeweler singed it's praises even. The diamond and sapphires were decently large for an engagement ring, and the ring itself didn't use a slim gold band, but a pretty thick and heavy one made of what was estimated to be 18 karat gold. But there was more. The stones themselves were set in platinum, and the ring had many ornate floral carvings on it. The stones alone needed to make an identical ring was more than Jake's current budget. And not including antique value, making a copy of a ring like that with that variety of materials would cost a lot in time and labor because every part of it would have to be hand crafted. If was five times what Jake had saved. The best he could have done would be to make a down payment and then spend years in debt. Sara enthusiastically wanted Jake to have the ring made anyway. But the cost was just too much. So the jeweler suggested they have one made that just looks the same. It didn't need to be made of the exact same materials. They could use a center stone that just looked similar to diamond, and replace the platinum with a similar metal I can't remember the name of. But it would have reduced cost by a lot. There was also a suggestion of looking for a modern ring that looks similar that's already made. Which would be far cheaper as well. In fact the Jeweler already had three rings set aside that all looked somewhat similar with a central diamond and sapphires. And all very reasonably priced. Jake was all for either idea when Sara suddenly slapped him while calling him a cheap broke-ass wannabe. Then turned on her heel to me and called me an evil bastard again for taking the original ring back because it had already been given to her when Jake proposed, and should still be hers regardless. Then she held up her hand in the manor one does when they expect you put a ring on their finger, and outright demanded the ring back while saying it was her right to wear it, and that my daughter wouldn't need it because it'd go to waste with her. She actually said it's not like my daughter would be doing the proposing to anyone since a man could just get a different ring for her some day. Oh boy did that make me angry! And she clearly noticed because she took a couple of steps back. I looked her dead in the eye and said that my wife's family ring will NEVER be hers. It wasn't Jake's to give away. And he knew it. That's why he went out of his way to steal it while I wasn't home. Because he hoped I wouldn't demand it back if he used it. But neither he nor she ever had a right to it. Then I said that it's entitled people like her that are what's wrong with the world now. She acts like whatever she wants should be handed to her. And she's lusted after my wife's ring ever since Jake first showed it to her. That whole speech was a bit long-winded with some conjecture, I know. But I just couldn't hold myself back verbally anymore. My wife used to tell me that if I wanted to insult someone, I always figured out exactly what to say. After I said all of that to Sara's face, she aimed to slap me too. But I guess the look in my eyes was enough to make her turn away and storm out instead while while very loudly making some sort of unintelligible tantrum noises that hurt my ears. She even intentionally knocked down a counter display on her way out. Jake was glaring at me with absolute rage, but didn't say anything until I asked him why he was with this awful woman. And he just said that he loved her and followed after. To his credit, she is very beautiful. But it's really just skin deep. Sara wouldn't talk to Jake for a while, and then a few days later told him they were through because she felt like he didn't value her enough to get her the ring she deserved, and that she couldn't imagine having a miser like me as a father-in-law. She said she felt thoroughly humiliated by me. And cried that people all think she's a gold digger now. But I don't think they are wrong. I mean, she slapped my son just for suggesting they make a cheaper version of an expensive ring he could not afford. Then threw a massive tantrum just because I wouldn't hand over the original when she demanded it. That's the behavior of a gold digger if I've ever seen any. And while it is an assumption on my part, exactly how long would Sara have stayed with my son if someone rich came along and swept her off her feet? Would she have been inclined to still stand by him? Something tells me not so. I honestly feel like she just wanted the ring and nothing else. Right after the incident with the breakup, Jake did try to get in my house again while I wasn't home. To do what I have no idea. But if I were to speculate, he may have been after the cash in my gun-safe, or thought the family jewels were still in the house. I hadn't told him at that point that I'd had them stored away in a deposit box. And I really didn't want to think my own son would break in for either of those reasons. But he stole from us once. He could do it again. Someone here suggested I replace the locks on my house, and I did. So Jake's key would no longer work. I'm looking into getting cameras put in now too. My daughter Amber called me after Jake showed up and said she was terrified while he was banging on the front door and demanding to be let in. I called his cell and he didn't pick up. But I guess it spooked him because Amber said he left right after his phone started ringing. He has a set ringtone for me. So he knew it was me calling in an instant. Jake called later that evening, but before he could start yelling at me, I demanded to know what the hell he was doing trying to break into my house while I wasn't home earlier. He scared his sister and she nearly called police. Jake dodged the question by being angry about me changing the locks because I don't trust him. I said, damn right I don't trust him. Not after what he did. Jake fired back that I couldn't just be happy for him. And that if his mom was still alive, she'd have wanted him to use the ring to propose. I saw red and said that if she wanted that, she'd have willed it to him! So he began whining and saying it was all my fault. He explained exactly what Sara said when she broke up with him, and how she called me a miser, among other things. Then ranted about how I always thought Sara was never good enough for him. But I pointed out he was putting words in my mouth. I never said she wasn't good enough for him. I barely knew Sara. And I never once got in the way of him being with her till he stole the ring. He tried to deny that. But I asked him when I'd ever said anything bad about Sara prior to the ring incident. He really sounded like he was thinking hard. But even he couldn't remember any actual time because I barely saw this woman ever while they were dating. I wasn't even aware they were dating till at least three months had gone by in their relationship. But that was all beside the point. What the hell was he trying to get into my house for this time! He refused to answer. So I answered for him. I said if he was after the ring, or any of the other family jewels. They've been moved to a secure safe location only I have access to. And if he was trying to break into my safe for my emergency cash fund, there's no way he'd get it open. Or if he was there to do any sort of harm to his sister, I'd kick his ass myself. I may have hit the nail in the head with at least one of those things, because Jake just had a long silent pause on the line. Then he told me he's made up his mind to put in for a transfer at his job and sell his condo. He wants to move as far away as possible and never speak to me again. His last words to me were to have a nice life with my favorite child. I don't understand how my son has so completely changed on this level in just a year. I never actually called Sara a manipulative gold digger until recently. I said she had my son wrapped around her finger and she loves jewelry. Though I guess that's not all that different in the long run. But in truth she 'is' a manipulative gold digger. Especially after the drama act she put on to try and keep a ring that was never hers. I mean she spent days in bed crying over a ring she knew was stolen. And then had her huge tantrum at not being able to get it back or copy it. And now because of her, my son has chosen to wash his hands of me and his sister altogether. I am devastated. But at the same time furious that my son would do such things just to appease this witch of a woman he'd only been dating eight months. That's not enough time dating before proposing. I dated my wife for over two years before popping the question. I shudder to think what things would have been like if that witch had married my son. I know Jake is going to blame me for a long time. And I'm not sure if we'll ever speak again. I hope one day we can reconcile. But for now I think we need time apart. Amber is also very upset. She's extremely thankful I got the ring back for her. But she's just as shocked as I was that Jake has become like he is now. And she's referring to him as a brute for how he shoved her aside when he stole the ring, and also calling him a simp. Whatever that means. Thankfully she has a great support system with me and the rest of the family. Something I know Jake doesn't have right now. Multiple family members have called or messaged him to tell him off. And his now former best friend even came to me to apologize. He and Jake got in a nasty fight over what he'd done. And when his own best friend since elementary school didn't see things from his side, Jake cut him off too. Jake's ex girlfriend Sara also got in trouble with her own family. Her parents contacted me to ask for my side of the story and then apologized for their daughter's behavior. They only knew a small bit of what happened. But were appalled to hear about the way she'd acted. Like Jake, they said she used to be a much kinder person. But in the past few years she's changed so much. They are severely disappointed in her. They were also covering half of the rent to her current apartment, and are now telling her that when her lease is over, they will not be renewing it with her. She can either pay the full rent herself, or look for somewhere else to live. And now she's going around cursing my name and saying this is all my fault. What is it with people these days? It's like ever since all those memes about entitled people on the internet have exploded, it just made more people like them. When I was Jake's age, I only saw people like that on rare occasions. Now they're everywhere. I've seen two in the local supermarket this year even. And they're spreading their toxicity like a flood on the world. I can only hope one day my son comes to his senses and finds happiness again. Whether or not he chooses to speak with me ever again. I'll hold out hope he'll one day return to being the kind person he once was. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yuzapx/update_2_my_sons_ex_was_obsessed_with_the_ring/) *posted on November 14, 2022* **(Update 2) My son's ex was obsessed with the ring** I'll start this off by asking that people please stop messaging me for pictures of the ring. I've gotten many asking me to see it for various reasons. Some even because they want a similar ring made as well. Well I made my daughter aware of this Reddit account, and she's proud of me for doing it. But she doesn't want pictures of the ring online. And that's her decision to make because the ring is hers. I don't need to question her as to why. I just need to respect her decision. I also don't like the idea of posting pictures of it because if it gets copied by total strangers, then it'd no longer be unique. I was willing to let my son copy the ring because it was a family matter. But I won't be posting it for everyone to see and replicate as they please. I've already long deleted the pictures of the ring I sent Jake. And the ring is locked away in a bank vault right now. It will not remain there permanently as I intend to get a better home safe to keep it in when I can afford it. In the past few weeks since my original post, I did have cameras installed. And I'm thankful I did. For those wondering if my son and Sara would get back together, no they did not. My son is apparently really selling his condo. And he's not spoken to me since our last phone conversation where he told me to have a nice life with my favorite child after not getting his way. I have been to see my lawyer about my estate, and got my will altered. I haven't written my son out. But he's lost a lot of the things he would have otherwise inherited for the time being. After having some time to think, I've realized I just can't feel remorse for Jake anymore after his actions as of late. My daughter Amber calling him a Simp seems to be an apt description, once I found out what that meant. But I just don't want to be angry or sad about it anymore. Neither emotion is doing me any good. So for now I'm just going to do my best to let it go and move on. Jake seems to plan on moving on without us anyway. Hopefully in time he'll understand what he did wrong. But I can't change his mind for him. I did run into my son's ex Sara at a random place in town. She spotted me while I was with one of my friends in the middle of the local shopping mall. She called out to me while we were in front of a bunch of people and started booing me and calling me a greedy miser. I didn't really have to say anything to her because my friend laughed at her and called her a thief and a gold digging bitch who just wanted my dead wife's ring because she couldn't have it. I saw half the crowd turn to look at her at once when he said that. Sara flipped us off and stormed away while cursing my name and knocking over anything in her path. This included a small child, whom started crying in an instant. When she realized she'd hurt the kid, Sara took off running. My friend and I helped the very pregnant mother of the child in calming the kid down, and thankfully the kid was ok. Sara showed up at my house later to yell that it's all my fault her friends are all saying she's a gold digger now, and won't hang out with her anymore. I said she is a gold digger because of what she did. She never had a right to my wife's ring, and she cried for days about it like a child, then broke up with my son just because he couldn't afford what she wanted. That's all something a gold digger would do. I'm not at fault just because she wanted my dead wife's ring so bad. And I'll make damn sure she never sees it again. What came next was more unintelligible screaming from her as she stomped back to her car. I'd hoped that was the end of it. But that girl just wouldn't leave well enough alone. For those thinking Sara and Jake's personality shifts were due to drugs, I'm not sure whether or not to tell you I'm sorry that isn't the case. It was all them. Which in Jake's case is a harder pill to swallow because it means he has no excuse for such a radical shift in behavior. Sara was arrested last week for attempting to break into my house. The cameras I had installed caught her sneaking into my back yard and trying to break in. She tried to break open my back door with an axe. And that tripped the alarm I had installed. She ran off, but the cameras in front of the house caught video of both her and her car very clearly in my driveway. She also left the axe with her fingerprints on it on the ground before she ran. When police got there, she was long gone. But they later found her at her apartment. They initially just wanted to arrest her for breaking my door and trespassing, but she went crazy on them and wound up getting pinned to the ground and frog-marched out. This woman definitely has something mentally wrong with her. A few days after Sara was arrested, I spoke to her parents again. They offered to pay for the broken door and then filled me in on some of the details. And it seems drugs were not involved. They told me she was given drug tests at the station and her system came back clean. And since she wasn't on drugs, I don't think Jake was either. But Sara was found to be very mentally unwell. So I guess it was just her crazy that was contagious. Her parents promised me that I'll never have to deal with her again as they plan to move her out of town once they've dealt with the legalities of her situation. And they haven't contacted me again since. But I wouldn't say it's my business that they do either. I'm guessing though that Sara likely needs major mental health treatment. So in a sense I do feel a little sorry for her now. I knew Jake had to be aware of what happened with Sara since everyone was talking about it. But he has not reached out to any friends or family. One of the people he works with has contacted me though, and told me Jake is still openly very angry about what happened. He still believes the ring would have been a small price to pay for his happiness. But now that Sara has been taken away, Jake has also shifted blame onto her. And saying she's the crazy gold digging woman who ruined his life. It seems all he can do is blame, blame, and blame other people some more. Until he accepts fault in his own actions, then I don't think we can have a relationship. He's not going to do well in life if he can't take responsibility for his own actions. I just hope that some time alone wherever he chooses to go will help him to mellow out and understand where he went wrong. This is likely to be my last update here, unless something else goes wrong. And if no new posts show up in the coming months or years, then you'll all know everything is fine. At least as much as it can be, considering the situation. **Reminder - I am not the OP**

OOP's son stole his dead mother's ring to propose to his girlfriend

NEW UPDATE

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0zzry/oops_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_to_propose/

z10us1

[removed]

OOP - I(M29) am freaking out with my girlfriend's (F22) behavior and I'm not sure how to confront her.

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z10us1/oop_im29_am_freaking_out_with_my_girlfriends_f22/

z10vrk

***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!*** TW:>! Drug use, mentions of death!< ​ [**Original**](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428)**, on** r/TrueOffMyChest**, November 12th 2022 (Recovered through reveddit; original account deleted by OOP)** ​ **I ruined my sisters marriage and I can’t live with myself because of it** My younger sister and her husband (bil) are/were like the greatest love story I ever known until I ruined their marriage. And I don’t know how to live with the guilt. My family has cut all contact with me and I can’t even blame them for it. The guy who I was interested in also left me and now I see him happy in a new relationship but I can’t but blame myself. About a year ago I was on a hen weekend for my best friend in the big city, that’s where my bil has a small over night rental for when he work in the city. We (him and I) decided to meet to exchange Christmas gifts because they were spending Christmas with his family and my sister was probably 30 weeks pregnant. They live a few hours away. He ran late at work so I was already bar hopping with the girls and when I texted him my location that was the last thing I remember. I remember there was drugs and alcohol involved and I woke up in bil’s bed in my undies. Bil was livid because I never taken drugs and he thought I was stupid experimenting alone in a city I didn’t exactly know. He found me outside, passed out in a mini dress when it was below zero degrees. I was covered in vomit as well so he took me home. He didn’t want me to sleep in my dirty clothes and he tucked lots of pillows behind me so I didn’t sleep on my back and maybe choke on my vomit. Bil lost one of his best friends growing up this way. He spent the night sitting in a chair next to the bed scared that I would fall on my back and die. He was really livid the next day and called me all sorts of “immature, careless, stupid, ignorant” I could have been hurt, OD, assaulted. I agreed with everything he said because I was reckless and i was so ashamed of it. He told me never to speak of this to anybody especially my sister who is the jealous type. I agreed against my better judgment. But he was so kind to me and probably saved me that night so I agreed. Besides him and me one of the girls I travelled with figured it out when I disappeared from the club without jacket and bag (she had them) and then later bil asked her to drop by with fresh clothes and coat. She must be the one who spread what happened. A few months later my sister got the version that I spent the night with bil. And that I needed a change of clothes. Us not telling her everything immediately when it happened only made it worse. They are separated now processing the divorce. My sister is broken and my baby niece is going to grow up in a broken home where her parents fight over custody. My mother and the rest of the family have all cut contact with me. I wish that bil never found me passed out behind that club that night. I should have dies from od, choking or hypothermia. I’m just so very sorry.😞 ​ **Some comments:** >*have you told your sister all this? Why you did was very stupid but she should be thankful that her husband has probably saved her sisters life* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw4xpvv/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw4xpvv) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*Yes we told her everything but it was unfortunately too late. She didn’t believe us* ​ >*I’m puzzled by this. Your sister is going to believe one of your drunk party friends over her own husband and sister ? And throw away her entire marriage on this person who never saw anything actually happen ?* > >*Either your sister has serious issues, or there were other reasons she had to doubt her husband. (Or this is just another Reddit creative writing project.)* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw5fx21/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw5fx21) ​ >*He should have called her and told her how he found you and kept on contact with her the entire time. This isn't 100% on you.* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw583br/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw583br) ​ >*The really dubious aspect of this story is why BIL didn’t immediately call his wife and tell her he found her sister “passed out covered in vomit on the street outside of a bar”. You find a family member in that situation, natural inclination is to immediately contact family members just to let them know they are safe. Immediately deciding that this a secret we tell no one is sketchy.* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw5rb1h/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw5rb1h) ​ >*I have questions. Are you sure there wasn't some other issue between them as a couple and they were not as fairy tale as everyone thought?* > >*Because how quickly your sister threw it away and this line in particular has me thinking:* > >>"*He told me never to speak of it to anybody especially my sister because she is the jealous type"* > >*Even if she was the jealous type, what is he trying to say here? That if your sister found out, she would think you her sister and her husband banged in this occasion? What? That's a helluva leap.* > >*I mean, wouldn't your sister just be happy that you were safe? That you were with someone who you both trust? Why does drunk automatically equate something happening?* > >*Also the speed at which he suggested that you two keep it quiet - I think he has been in the dog house before.* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw5b0gn/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw5b0gn) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >> *If there was issues nobody knew about them* ​ [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yuah2w/update_i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant/)**, on** r/TrueOffMyChest**, November 13th 2022 (OOP has deleted her second account)** ​ **<update> I ruined my sisters marriage and I can’t live with myself because of it** I'm sorry that I deleted my account yesterday. I just felt overwhelmed by the people who contacted me to say that it was fake. I really freaked out and was very hurt. I don't know why my lack of ability to write makes my conundrum less serious. I don't get the "this is not the whole story" either. I spent 4 hours trying to make the text as short as possible. I thought I did a great job. I don't want to convince you to believe me because it doesn't matter either way but I have to say that I never seen a post be so attacked. why so heartless? I will answer a few of the questions people asked and then I have a small update because I have been in contact with bil several times today and I ended up sending him the post (thank goodness the link worked even with the account deleted and him nothing on reddit). 1. Where everyone lives: I live in the same town as the rest of the family, 5 hours away from the big city. my sister and her husband live 2 hours away from the big city in the opposite direction. this means we live 7-8 hours apart. 2. Why I was alone that night: I wasn't, my friends were inside the club. I went out for some reason and passed out. The club is on a busy street and everyone was drunk at that time. Nobody was paying any attention. Bil found me because he recognized me. 3. Why bil didn't talk to his wife (my sister) immediately: I don't know. I was passed out. He said he knew her well. She would be suspicion anyway and probably try to drive in the snow and still think we were up to something. 4. Why I didn't go to a hospital: Drugs are illegal here. Bil didn't want me to get into trouble and I think that he thought that I was just very drunk. I could lose my job if I got it on my record that I had used substance. 5. Was I roofied: No, unfortunately I remember that I was very drunk and it sounded excited to take a pill a guy one of my friends knew Wass passing. It was all me and my stupidity. ALL. MY. STUPIDITY. 6. Why bil didn't put a t-shirt on me or something: HE HAD COVERED ME UP WITH THE DUVET WHILE I WAS SLEEPING. When I woke up, he lent me his gym clothes. I have talked to bil today. Someone here suggested a lie detector test. I really got very excited. Anyway when I talked to bil he wasn't as excited. He told me that he would be brutally truthful with me now. He doesn't want to salvage his marriage. He said that these months has made him understand that my sister and him are wrong together. My sister was cheated on in her previous relationship and according to him she was punishing him for what the other dude did to her throughout their relationship. He never said anything because he loved her and when it was good between them it was great. That is the part we all got to see. The fairy tale kind of love. He was terrified when I spent the night in his place and wanted to do anything for her not to find out. What happened with me brought back his ptsd from his best friend's passing and when my sister found out he hoped that she would at least be understanding because she knew about his best friend. Her unsupportiveness when he needed her made him realize that he didn't love her anymore. I sent him the post all the same. He apologized (for some reason) for what my mom did (she beat me because she believed sister). I called him again and asked him if I could at least do the poly to give sister proof that I was innocent. He said that I should do what I saw fit. He said that all he wanted now is to fight for his daughter because my sister is trying to block him from getting custody. He also said that he has been dating a girl for a few weeks now. So that's it. He is moving on. I texted my sister that I was willing to do a poly to proof that I was truthful. She didn't answer me. My mother did however. She told me to leave my sister alone or they would call the cops on me and get a restraining order. she also called me a junkie and she threatened to rat me out to my work place. I don't know if the guilt will ever leave me. There is no coming back from this and everybody seem to be moving on. Maybe time for me to move on too. ​ **Some comments on the update post:** >*I hope hearing the truth about their relationship will help you realise that no matter if that night happened or not they most likely wouldn’t have had a “fairytale ending” because their relationship wasn’t as perfect as you thought. Your BiL doesn’t blame you so try not to blame yourself, it wasn’t your fault. The reason the rest of your family is blaming you is because they’re refusing to see the truth. That’s on them, not on you.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yuah2w/comment/iw8fe8l/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*i have been crying since. Bil told me not to tell my sister that he is dating. I'm so sorry and this will probably break her. I don't think I could just shut these feelings down. it was all me* >*I hope knowing bil realized his marriage was a dead end helps you moving on. Your sister clearly has trust issues, and its not your responsibility. If she would have trusted either you or her husband they would still be married. This is not your fault.* > >*Again, your family sounds toxic and as sadly as it is, you're probably better off not trying to contact them. Treat yourself and try finding a way back to normality. Therapy is never a bad idea, even if its just short for hearing from a professional that you did not ruin someone else's life. You needed help that night and luckily you got it. Thats it. All the best.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yuah2w/comment/iw8lky1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*thank you. this is just all so unnecessary and hurtful. my sister will hate me even more once she finds out bil is already dating* ​ # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!

OP: "I ruined my sisters marriage and I can’t live with myself because of it"

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swankycelery

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Moving on

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Pomor Refferal

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TIFU by expecting my family to pay for my birthday dinner

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OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair (part 1 of 2)

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OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair (part 2 of 2)

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z18inj

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/jimothyisyouruncle in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA For suing my girlfriend after she had my 1967 impala project taken to the scrapyard?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gr8bp3/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/) - 27 May 2020 I'll try to keep this short. I had a [1967 Impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/HLBPpTF.jpg) that I bought in Feb 2019. A couple months ago I bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. I moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. I had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. About two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. She wants to park in the garage but I have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. I tell her tough luck its my house and its not like I can just throw it back together real quick. Anyways I was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company I work for. When I got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. Making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. I though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then I realized that I didn't see her car in it's usual spot. I asked her where she parked so I could make sure I mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. I asked how and she told me to go check it out. Turns out that while I was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. I told her that I was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like I was being dramatic. I told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. I admit I was a really angry but I did end up getting a lawyer, and as I have all the receipts for all that money spent and I have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all I think I can win. Her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money I spent, and that I should just let it go. But I have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if I am not going to get justice for what she did. AITA Verdict: NTA **Edit:** Thank you all so much for the support and awards and everything. I'm glad I have some people on my side. I got a call from her mom about 20 minutes ago and she told me that i was ruining her daughter's life over a stupid car. I told her she ruined her own life. I've been gathering documentation and stuff and I'm about to head down to the police station and file a report, as suggested by lots here. Once again thank you all **UPDATE:** went to the police station last night, was told to come back in the morning. just got back and filed an official report against her for grand larceny and grand theft auto. i showed them all the receipts i had for the car and the footage of her letting the guys come and take it as well as the title for the vehicle in my name. they said they will be in contact with all 3 parties (me, ex gf, and junkyard guys) soon and they will hopefully be able to recover some or all of the car. just have to wait now **HUGE UPDATE: THEY FOUND MY GODDAMN CAR!!** the junkyard guys apparently were in the middle of hiding it when the police came to ask them questions. it was on a forklift and they were gonna put it on top of a pile of cars that was hidden behind more piles of cars. they said it was theirs and they had the title, but obviously didnt have the title for it and since they matched the vin on the chassis and body to the vin on my title, it was obviously mine. I know at least one person there has been arrested, i think he was in the camera footage i talked about earlier but idk if it was the boss or whomever or even his specific charge, they also told me they would be looking into this specific junkyard for any other vehicles reported stolen. they said they haven't been able to get in contact with my ex just yet but they're working on it. im just so glad they found my car. luckily i made quite an album of pictures detailing me tearing down the car and so i can use that to prove what parts they had were mine so i can hopefully get most or all of it back. police haven't let me take it back home yet as they say it is evidence or something so hopefully i can get it back eventually. thank you all so much for the support and advice! SHES GONNA BE ALRIGHT   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for suing my girlfriend after she had my 1967 impala project taken to the scrapyard?

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z18inj/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/

z1aic9

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throawayweddingnight in r/trueoffmychest** ---   [**my husband got jealous over the girl he led-on for years at our wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yo6al9/my_husband_got_jealous_over_the_girl_he_ledon_for/) - 6 November 2022 I (25f) got married to my husband (24m) (we’ll call him Jim) a week ago after dating for 2 and a half years. Jim has a friend called Misha (22f) who was invited to the wedding. He and Misha have known each other since highschool and were close friends and Misha had a very obvious crush on Jim from what he and others who know them have told me. Jim told me this after I met Misha for the first time and confessed that he leaned in to her crush and led her on throughout their highschool years and for a little while after, before we got together because he was struggling with his mental health and he really liked her attention. He seemed genuinely guilty about all of that because he thought Misha was a nice girl and a good friend and because he showed guilt I didn’t feel the need to bring it up or argue about it despite thinking it was a shitty thing to do. Plus, Misha is a nice girl who has never overstepped boundaries and has been nothing but kind and friendly towards me and I now consider her a friend too. Misha moved away to the city last year and has done really well for herself and has a long term boyfriend who none of us have met yet so when it came to sending wedding invites, I told her she was welcome to bring him as her plus one. The first red flag came when Jim was weirdly resistant to the idea of Misha bringing her boyfriend but he excused it on being concerned about the number of guests we invited and the matter was dropped. When the wedding day came, Misha showed up in this beautiful dress (nothing inappropriate for a wedding) and with her boyfriend on her arm who I’ll admit is a very handsome guy (think a Kit Harrington type). She’s also lost weight and has a haircut that suits her better and I thought she looked great. We also found out throughout the night that her boyfriend is very successful and earns more than practically anyone else who attended. Throughout the reception I noticed Jim glaring at Misha and her boyfriend the whole time and he was really cold and short towards her when she came over to congratulate us and give us a gift. He was also straight up kinda rude to her boyfriend when Misha introduced us to him. When his mom (who’s always known and liked Misha) mentioned that she was glad Misha found a great guy and praised her boyfriend for being so nice, Jim snapped that “at least she won’t be desperate and hung up on me for the rest of her life” which I thought was cruel and uncalled for but I didn’t challenge him because I didn’t want to argue at my wedding despite the fact that he frankly sounded bitter. The whole thing has left an awful taste in my mouth and I can’t help but think that Jim got jealous that Misha has found a guy who’s honestly quite a catch who she’s clearly very in love with and is now completely over Jim. **Half-update:** after getting some PMs from people, I decided to go through his phone while he was napping after work and needless to say this marriage is over. I’ll post a real update when I have sorted everything out.   [**update: my husband got jealous over the girl he led-on for years at our wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yujs06/update_my_husband_got_jealous_over_the_girl_he/) - 14 November 2022 Hey everyone, I’m posting this here because I said in my last post that I would update when I was able to. Pretty much the day after my original post, I got some PMs from people suggesting that I go through my husband Jim’s phone to see if he and Misha were truly just friends before this and that nothing romantic happened between them that would explain his reaction at the wedding. He always takes a 45 minute nap after work and so I used that as my opportunity to swipe his phone from where it was charging on his desk so that I could look through it (I’ve seen him put in his passcode a tonne of times so that wasn’t an issue). I didn’t find anything in his texts with her, but I know that Jim goes on instagram a lot so I checked there too. The immediate red flag was that he’d used an app-lock that required a passcode to access instagram but the dumbass used the same passcode that he uses to unlock his phone so I got into that right away (it’s his birth year go figure). And what would you know? I go to his messages with Misha and find messages from him the morning after our wedding telling her how beautiful she’d looked that night, how much he’d missed her, how he felt that her boyfriend being there spoiled his opportunity to catch up with her and that he was desperate to meet up with her. Misha never replied to these messages and he sent some more to her later that day. I won’t get into what he said because they were very personal insults that were frankly just gross, but just think about the kind of stuff you would read on that niceguys subreddit. Misha left him on read and when I clicked on her account it appears that she’s blocked him. I scrolled through their messages quite far back and I believe nothing romantic has happened between them. I wish that was all, but looking into his other conversations on instagram. I found that he’s been messaging other girls on there. They seemed like aspiring instagram model types from our area. Most of these conversations were just him shooting his shot and getting left on read, but others had evolved into flirting and two of them resulted in sexting. And the most embarrassing part of all? The nudes he was sending to these women weren’t even of him. I know what his body looks like and he doesn’t have chiselled abs and isn’t that well endowed. I think he must’ve found a man’s profile on some adult website and used those pictures just cropping the face out. These two conversations happened in the past 6 months. I ended up texting his mom and his brother from my phone asking them to come and pick him up from the apartment and then I went to wake him up. I told him that I knew about the girls he was messaging on instagram, that he needed to pack a bag and get the hell out before I started throwing his stuff out on to the street and causing a scene. He started crying and begging me not to kick him out and swore that they were just messages and that he would never actually cheat on me, but I don’t believe him for a second. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he didn’t want to me to tell anyone else about what he’d done but I had left the room and started ignoring him by that point. He left with his mom and brother and is staying there from what I know, I’ve blocked him on everything for the time being until I’m ready to tell him that I’m seeking annulment. Thankfully where I’m from, you can get one almost no-questions-asked as long as you haven’t been married for longer than 30 days and I’ve already looked into the process. I haven’t really left my apartment at all this week and I’ve been calling in sick to work because I don’t feel like I can face people. I’m just so embarrassed that I’ve wasted over two years on this man and that I married him in the first place. I don’t feel like I can even talk to people about this, so posting here has helped and I’d like to thank you all for your kind words, advice, and support. I might reach out to Misha when the dust has settled but I think I’ll need to build up some courage for that.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My husband got jealous over the girl he led-on for years at our wedding

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toohottooheavy

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Walking into a random McDonald’s and pretending your an employee

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Throwawayforcodm1

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z1dr97

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aminottheasshole in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ehmsme/aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad_and/) - 30 December 2019 I'm well aware that this story sounds extremely hard to believe and fake, and I'm aware that there will be many "shitpost" comments below. Sorry, but this story is 100% true and it is a hot topic of discussion in my family at the moment. I was born when my parents were both 19, and my only other brother (let's call him Josh) was born when they were 42. They divorced shortly after Josh was introduced to the world (he was 4 months old at the time), and they both wanted nothing to do with the child. At the time, I was 23 and I was living alone with my then-girlfriend who was 21 (now my wife), and I done my best to convince at least ONE of them to take care of young Josh for his sake and the family's sake, but they refused adamantly and said that I should be taking custody of him instead. So I became legal guardian of my brother and he's been living with us for the past 12 years and things have been going really smooth for us. Josh, now almost 13, has been calling me "dad" and my wife "mum" and our two children (4F, 9M) his siblings and he has absolutely NO idea about his real parents, and to be honest, I let all of that slide. He has NO idea that I'm really his blood brother and not his father, and I'm starting to feel guilty and a little weird. Some of my uncles and aunts come to visit occasionally and they are really disgusted at the fact he calls me "dad" and they are surprised I haven't told him the truth. They constantly messaged me, talked to me in private and I cannot chat to them without this one particular topic rising up - badgering me to let him know already but I refused. I discussed this with my wife and she thought it would be wrong to tell him the truth because none of my parents wanted to take care of him and I'm the only person in the world who gave him the "father figure" everyone deserves. I feel that he has the right to know what he is to me and what I truly am to him, but he's suffered enough already and I just want things to continue how it is. Reddit, AITA? WIBTA if I let him know the truth? Verdict: NTA **UPDATE:** About 70% of the comments are advising me to tell my son who I really am to him, and some are saying "sooner than later". I've just got up to discuss this with my wife and now after a lot of hesitation, we've decided that it's best the truth comes from us and it has to come now. Right now, it's late for us, but we shall address this to him first thing this week, or even tomorrow. Thanks guys.   [**UPDATE: AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/etguwh/update_aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad/) - 24 January 2020 Hey guys! So many people wanted me to update on my previous post and wanted me to seek professional advice first before I take matters into my own hands. Apologies if it is long. I'll try to make it as detailed as possible while making this short. I went to my local therapist and told him about my situation and asked what to do. To keep it short, he said he's heard similar recounts from before and said it is best if I tell him as soon as possible for multiple reasons and to **make sure that my bio-children are present** (multiple reasons). I asked a few of my closest friends and the majority said more or less the same thing. My wife and I decided to sit the kids down and burst the big bubble. I asked my brother Josh to come closer and I made sure I held him close and make him feel comfortable. He asked "What's going on?" but I started by telling us how much we cared and loved for him, then told him everything about my parents (I put them in a bright light in hopes of a reunion) and who I am to him, then quickly hugged him and my other two kids together and told him that I love all my children the same and NOTHING is going to change my love for him. He was shocked and asked if I was joking, but I was starting to cry a little at this point, so he knew I was serious. My bio-children were very surprised too. He was in tears and asked me why I didn't tell him sooner. I didn't know what to say and said "I was just trying to protect you, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me", but unfortunately and understandably, he left. He didn't talk to me as much, again, understandably so. I continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football (he loves that) and all his favourite things, but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him. I thought I messed up big-time, until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone, he came up to me and said "I know you're not my real father, but I want to let you know you're the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before." I hugged him and things got pretty emotional. It would be a big lie to say my house is normal now (far from that), but things are slowly - ever so slowly - starting to brighten up. There's no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again. Josh is a tough kid, and he handled this far better than I believed he would. I'll be looking into therapy for him to help him recover just incase it doesn't go well in the long run. I'll strive and continue to be a great dad to my kids, and a great dad to my brother/son. Thank you Reddit for pushing me towards this happy ending. Thank you for all the advice and judgements I got (excluding the rude ones about my uncles and aunts -- eeek!) I love you all. Good night.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1dr97/aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad_and/

z1fgeb

[removed]

My GF(F28) has schizophrenia, should I(M28) still consider marrying her?

CONCLUDED

zeroxion01

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1fgeb/my_gff28_has_schizophrenia_should_im28_still/

z1i3do

I am not OP. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yv9ub1/aita_for_taking_back_our_groceries_that_my_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on Nov 15, 2022 by [u/KPTYYC](https://www.reddit.com/user/KPTYYC/) **AITA For Taking Back Our Groceries That My Wife Gave to Her Sister** My wife (30) wife has a younger sister (28) with four kids. My SIL is a married SAHM and her husband (31) works 35 hours per week. Money is tight for them, but they still go on annual vacations, drive newer cars etc. My wife and I keep separate finances except for a joint credit card and household bill. I also do most of the grocery shopping. This is relevant for later. A couple years ago, I found out my wife had been buying groceries for my SIL on our joint card (about $150-$200 per month for a few months). She said that her sister had come to her saying they were tight on money and that she needed help feeding their kids. This about a month after they had got back from their most recent vacation in Mexico. I told my wife in no uncertain terms that I am not supporting their family. She argued with me saying that we could more than afford it. I replied that I don’t care if she wanted to support them, but that’s her business. My wife stopped buying them groceries on our joint card after, but I'm sure she told her sister because SIL has been standoffish since. In the last few months grocery costs have been increasing thanks to inflation. As a cost-saving measure, I bought a whole cow for about $4K (which works out to about $9/lb and will last us more than a year) and my wife and I split the cost. Yesterday I went to the freezer to pull some steaks and saw the amount of beef was visibly lower. I checked our security cameras and saw my wife leaving the house with a big box. I texted her demanding to know if she had taken a bunch of our meat to SIL, and she replied yes. I grabbed SIL’s keys (we have a copy), drove to their house, knocked on her door and when SIL answered I told her that and I was taking back what my wife brought over. SIL protested saying I was taking food out of her kids mouths, but I said I don’t care. She already had one roast in the oven, I went to their freezer and they had about 40-50lbs of ground beef, steaks, and roasts from our cow, including a couple prime rib roasts. I grabbed it all except the roast in the oven and drove home. My wife yelled at me saying she couldn’t believe how selfish I was and that SIL called her crying. She also said that she paid for half of it and so she could do whatever she liked with it. I yelled back saying you don’t get to decide to give away anything that we pay for together and said she acted like a sneak thief for doing it behind my back. My wife is still angry at me and says until I apologize to her sister. return the meat that I took back, and apologize for calling her a thief, she won’t speak to me. I may be the asshole because my wife pays half the groceries. Verdict: NTA ​ **UPDATE in the same post:** Thanks for all the comments/suggestions/criticisms. Regardless of the vote, consensus is my reaction and behavior was sub-optimal, which I agree it was. I apologized to my wife for calling her a thief, and that I would apologize to her sister for going over to her house in a huff and upsetting her, but said I won't apologize for taking back the meat which we paid for jointly. I laid it all out and said my position on me not buying groceries for their family hadn't changed. I said her husband only works three days a week (12 hour shifts) and if they're struggling for food he needs to pick up more shifts. I also said taking vacations and having new cars is a luxury they can't afford if I have to pitch in to pay for their food. As some of you suggested, I asked my wife why aren't you buying groceries with your own money if you want to support them. My wife responded she's been buying them groceries for the past couple years with her own money because they're up to their eyeballs in loans and credit card debt, but inflation means their groceries have been costing her more and more. She then admitted to putting some things on our joint credit card in the last few months in smaller amounts than two years ago so I wouldn't notice. As for the beef, SIL called her this past weekend crying saying they needed help to the end of the month with food because one of the kids broke their iPad which they use to keep the kids entertained and so they replaced it. She didn't ask me about taking them beef because she knew I would say no if she told me about the iPad and didn't think I would notice since we have so much beef. She said I have no idea how hard it is to raise four kids and they need the iPad. I told her we need to go see a counsellor because we're on different planets if she thinks an iPad is a necessity. So yeah, we're going to do therapy, until then I'm sleeping in the basement. *Answers to Common Questions:* *Why doesn't SIL husband work more or SIL get a job?* He does shift work 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts. He likes it because it frees him up to spend more time with the kids. SIL has never had a job beyond serving as a teenager. *Why don't you put a lock on your freezer?* I would like to stay married and I'm certain if I did this, I wouldn't be married for very long. *Did SIL and her husband pay for their vacations and cars themselves?* I still don't know, but my guess would be credit cards and car loans if they're up to their eyeballs in debt as my wife said. *Why don't you compromise on helping them?* A fair compromise to me if I were to pitch in would be for them to better manage their money i.e. not going on annual vacations to Mexico. The last time I raised that my wife said I was being judgmental. Maybe I'll propose it again in counselling.

AITA For Taking Back Our Groceries That My Wife Gave to Her Sister

ONGOING

newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1i3do/aita_for_taking_back_our_groceries_that_my_wife/

z1k9uk

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by a now deleted user in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ys5qqt/my_ex_wife_came_out_as_lesbian_and_left_me_and_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (12 Nov 22) **My ex wife came out as lesbian and left me and my daughters three years ago. and now she's back.** throwaway because my daughters follow my main account and i want to avoid any misunderstandings. btw. english is not my native language so if there are any mistakes i wanna apologize. so how do i start this? well three years ago my wife came out as lesbian. we've been together for many years. in fact our oldest daughter was 14 at the time and my youngest was 10. our life was good. both me and my wife worked so we had stable finances and i thought we were happy. that was until one evening my wife sat us down and explained that she was in love with a female colleague from her workplace and that she wants to be with her. she said she was sorry but she had to find out who she was and that that would only be possible if she'd let her old life behind herself blah blah blah. the typical break up nonsense. on that day she left us and cut the contact. for me and my daughters the world fell apart. i knew that i now had to take care of my daughters all by myself. i was in a state of depression for a long time but i kept fighting for my daughters. every attempt to contact my ex wife failed. luckily i found a much better paying job that made it possible for me to give them the world. my daughters had good grades in school and i knew that our life would soon be better again. but once in a while when i took my youngest daughter to bed she asked if i would "leave them like mom". i hugged her and gave her a kiss on the forehead and promised her that i would never leave them and that i loved them more than anything in the world. i was so angry at my ex wife because she was the one that gave her those feelings. i wonder if she ever realized what she had done to our daughters! fast forward to a few weeks ago. my daughters and i sat in the living room and i told them that because christmas month was already next month they should write down what they want for christmas. my oldest daughter is now 17 and my youngest is now 13. while they were busy writing the doorbell rang and i wondered who it was. when i opened the door i froze in shock. it was my ex wife with a big smile on her face. she said she was happy to see me and she tried to hug me but i refused to hug her. my oldest daughter then came up behind me and asked me who it was and when she saw her mother her face expression immediately changed. i've never seen her so angry. my ex wife tried to apologize and she wanted to hug her but my daughter pushed her away and shouted at her to leave and that she never ever wants to see her again. then my youngest daughter also joined us. she just got angry too turned around and went to her bedroom. then my oldest one followed her to comfort her. from the look on her face i figured she was ashamed as she should be! i asked what she wanted. she said that the last three years weren't good years for her. she constantly thought of her daughters and wanted to see them again but for some reason she never came by because she was expecting this exact response from them. but she guessed that she deserved this. she asked if i could talk to them. i told her that i could tell them she was sorry and let them decide but i will not push them into doing anything they don't wanna. she was ok with that and left. she also left me her new number to contact her. i then got into my daughters room. she cried in the arms of her older sister. i told them what their mother has told me. i told them that if they'd wanna meet her they could do that. it would be ok for me. my oldest daughter said that she cannot forgive her for doing what she did and that i was everything they need. it felt good to hear this. really good. i always thought that being a single parent would mean that i might never be enough for my children. hearing this made me so happy. my youngest daughter then said that she always thought she missed her mother but now that she had seen her again she never wants to see her again. i texted my ex wife about that. she read it but she didn't respond. but she didn't gave up that easily. she showed to our house once more while my daughters played ping pong outside. i was in the living room watching TV when i suddenly heard loud shouting outside of the house. i immediately got there and i saw my oldest daughter arguing with my ex wife. my oldest daughter shouted at her that she had no idea what she did to me. she told her about how depressed i was and everything i went through . this was kind of surprising because i wanted my daughters to feel secure with me so i've never told them of my depression and the suffering i went through. then she continued how she felt over the years knowing that her mother left her and that she'll never forgive her. my 13 year old was crying while that happened so i hugged and comforted her but i also don't wanted to interfere because if my oldest daughter wanted to tell her mother anything i'm not gonna stop her just to protect my ex wifes feelings. overall she never cared about our feelings either. after she was done she came hugging me as well and i told my ex wife she should leave us alone once and for all. if she ever showed up here again we get a restraining order. she left with tears in her eyes. well that was three days ago and she hasn't showed up again so far. i just hope she leaves us alone. my daughters made it very clear they don't wanna have anything to do with her. i wanted to give them the opportunity to meet their mother again because if there is any chance that my children have a mother again i don't wanna stay in their way. but i'm glad they didn't gave her the chance. i don't know if it makes me bad person to think this but i also don't think that my ex wife deserves to be with her daughters again so i hope the last encounter delivered the message. thank you for reading <3 Edit: Wow this really blew up! thank you for all your support. i read all of your comments and i'm so thankful for all your positivity. for everyone who wonders. yeah my daughters went to therapy and so did i but i'm afraid the progress we've made could be destroyed by her sudden appearence. Edit 2: thanks for the gold. i never expected this to explode the way it did but thank you so so much for all your support. i appreciate it. but i still wanna clarify something because i read it a few times while going through the comments. i never had a problem with her being gay. her sexuality isn't something she can control. i had a problem because she could have explored her sexuality AND be a loving and caring mother. i do not think that she's gonna try anything but if she does i'm gonna keep you updated. btw. i since this post already blew up so insanely i figured i could show it my daughters as well as they probably would have found it anyways and they are also thankful for your comments and the support. we appreciate you guys. you are an amazing community! btw. we also noticed that our story was shared on tiktok. now that was a surprise. have a nice day! <3 [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yvbbjo/update_my_ex_wife_came_out_as_lesbian_and_left_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (15 Nov 22) **UPDATE: My ex wife came out as lesbian and left me and my daughters three years ago. and now she's back.** i actually thought about not using this account anymore but i promised you an update so here i am. she appeared again. but luckily not at home. i think about what's the best way to describe what happened today. lets just say it could also be a part of one of those bad written stereotypical drama series. my younger daughter came home today with a mad look on her face and when i asked what was wrong she started to explain. it all started when my younger daughter got out of school today. usually she just walks home but this time my ex wife waited for her at the exit. she tried to ghost her but she was stubborn and refused to let her go just like that. she offered her a ride home. my daugher refused but she insisted. she prepared herself for running away but before she could my ex wife made her an offer. she would give her a ride home and would try to explain everything to her and if she still don't wanna see her again she'll never show up again. my daughter figured that this could be the best opportunity to get rid of her so she accepted. now here comes the interesting part. she wouldn't drive her home exactly, she just drove around the town for a while while telling her story. according to my daughter she broke up with her girlfriend after one year of her relationship with the coworker because they had too much different interests. she said that while she tried to live her life she constantly had her daughters in her mind. she said she went NC because she deleted the numbers and she hoped that this would help her starting a new life with her girlfriend. she spent the last two years in a depression because she figured she couldn't live without her "babies" around and that she deeply regrets leaving them and that her life was a total mess. she could understand if my daughters hated her but she would try to make everything right if they just gave her the chance. and then my daughter basically \*how i met your mothered her and asked her that what would have happened if her relationship and her life were successful and if her and her older sister are just the consolation prize. quick intervention from me at this point. i was so proud at my daughter at that moment. she is 13 and yet she is so mature and intelligent. i love her. my daughter told me that this question made her really mad and apparently she accused me of "poisoning them against her". funny because i never talked bad about her with my daughers. of course i was angry for a long time so i said a few bad things about her to my coworkers but never to my daughters. she is still the "mother" of my children overall. my daughter said that when she got out of the car she affirmed her will of never seeing her again and my ex wife just nodded and then she drove away. my daughter asked me if we could do anything so she stays away because she doesn't expect her to keep her promise. i called for my older daughter and my younger daughter explained her what happened as well. then i asked them if i should get the restraining order and i explained them what that would mean and what would happen then and they said yes. so yeah this is what i'm gonna do. i know that a few people might think its harsh but its not like i didn't warn her. if anything happens again i keep you updated. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

OOP - My ex wife came out as lesbian and left me and my daughters three years ago. and now she's back.

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1k9uk/oop_my_ex_wife_came_out_as_lesbian_and_left_me/

z1kt15

[removed]

AITA for saying my mom named me like a madlibs?

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1kt15/aita_for_saying_my_mom_named_me_like_a_madlibs/

z1m07i

I am not OP; that would be [u/throwraeffective](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwraeffective/) This post was trending on the top of r/ relationship\_advice when the update came out. OOP also posted her update to r/ aerials for more tailored advice from fellow aerialists, and it was awesome to see others in the circus community give advice and support too. I will also post the link to that as well Trigger Warning: >!sexual abuse and non-consensual image sharing!< Mood Spoiler: >!hopeful for the future but a lot of frustrating elements!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yo0i5o/fianc%C3%A930_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform_party/): November 6th, 2022 I lurked long enough to know that one of the main questions is how long we've been together. I met him in college and we started dating after graduation. I was also recently promoted to a position with different hours that allowed me to pursue a hobby I did through high school. I practice aerial silks, and my new position allows me to clock out before the studio closes. I kept up some conditioning that I used to do in the gym, so it helped me somewhat stay in shape over the years. However, I've noticed a change in my fiancé (James) since inviting him to a practice We were invited to a graduation party over the summer, and one of the games they played involved a volunteer party trick for a prize. James raised his hand on my behalf without warning and asked me to do a split, and everyone was looking at me. Before I continue, my studio had a recital that I didn't feel ready to perform in. I was just getting back after years off, and I vented to him about how I was shy for other reasons. The first was that I was really rusty, and the second was because of some weight I was trying to lose. Those were my reasons for skipping the recital that he knew weeks before the graduation party. So when he asked me to do a split/handstand on the spot, I was really anxious and whispered I didn't want to. But he tried to get others to cheer me on to do it, and that's when I started to cry. I got up to go to the bathroom after they moved on to someone else, and he followed me and apologized too For context, he wasn't like this until he came to my practice, and he did something else a few weeks before the graduation party too. He began asking me to do flexible positions in bed, and I didn't mind the first time he asked. But he has wanted to have more sex since my practice, and he'd ask me about different poses each time. I don't mind sometimes, but he's been unusually pushy since the practice even when I said I didn't want to sometimes. I told him I was fine with it sometimes, but he keeps bringing me new poses he looked up that turn him on but aren't ideal for me, and I felt like an object with his splits request at the graduation. I accepted his graduation apology when we talked at home, and I told him I didn't mind trying poses from time to time. But I also told him that sometimes didn't mean every time, and I also told him how the graduation hurt my feelings. He's since apologized and stopped requesting poses for a few weeks, but something else he said made me wonder if he got it at all He said he wanted to respect my request, but he also asked if I could perform silks at our wedding after looking up some YouTube weddings that featured them. I told him I didn't want to and that it didn't seem like the time or place, not to mention becoming sweaty and having to change clothes. I also pointed out how those videos featured contracted performers and not the bride performing. I haven't told family/friends that I got back into silks because I want to refine my skills/confidence a bit, but he's been pushing me because it'd "help me overcome my fears." But when I told him no, he told me to think about it and that he'd check back with me occasionally, and that really bothered me. I'm not ready, but he doesn't understand that. He's also not the one performing. But he's been really pushy since attending my practice, and it's honestly turning me off a lot. I just wanted to ask how to go forward from here after he said he laid off the bed requests to "give me space", but that "sometimes we need to be pushed to overcome our fears". He has not backed off of me performing, and I'm honestly thinking about calling things off with how pushy he's become *edit: I'm at the point of trying to find the words to call things off. The first talk we had was when I vented about why I didn't feel comfortable performing at the studio recital . The second was after he blindsided me at the graduation and apologized after, and that was when we talked about his bed requests and he promised to stop requesting poses too, and he did* *But then he began using the wedding performance as something he wanted to push me into (to overcome fears) and wouldn't take no for an answer, and that's why I'm at my wits end. He's even been looking into renting a silks rig for the wedding after I said no, and that was my last straw* [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yugpm5/update_fianc%C3%A930_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform/): November 13th, 2022 (r/ relationship\_advice) [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Aerials/comments/yufuh1/update_fianc%C3%A930_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform/): November 13th, 2022 that OOP also posted on (r/ aerials) (OOP re-summarized the order of events from her first post at the beginning of her update in response to some who asked. For the sake of length, that can be found in the update links) I talked to him shortly after my post and had a few notes from what I mentioned above. I told him about how he changed since my practice and that I felt like an object since too. From ignoring numerous no's after giving him too many chances, I told him I was done with the relationship because it had been going on for months. But he said I was being unreasonable and that he "gave me space that I asked for. When I told him that I never asked for space, he asked what would happen if our kids never learned to step out of their comfort zone, but I told him that that was unrelated. The bottom line was that he ignored me numerous times over the past few months, but he said I wasn't being fair. He also that he downloaded some photos from my old circus Facebook account (a separate one I used to have for silks only) and posted them for encouragement, and I had no clue until he told me He said he wanted to show me for encouragement because I was "better than I thought", and he took me to an Instagram I didn't know he had. It wasn't his main, and the account was mostly for memes. It also had a different name that wasn't related to anything personal, but he said some of his friends followed it. He showed me some posts that came from downloaded images of my high school/college performances, and he never asked for my consent. He even wrote that I was lacking in confidence, and he showed me some comments that said positive things. But there were also one or two that were somewhat lewd from people I didn't know, and the bottom line was he never asked for consent. He also scrolled away from the lewd ones quickly too. I planned to post my silks comeback on Facebook/Instagram after my first recital, but it hadn't happened yet. He told people that I came back on his account, and he said he planned to show me the account/encouragement closer to the wedding. He also said I was being unfair because it was a "part of me that he found attractive", so I should be willing to do more in bed. He wasn't like this before I got back into silks (after years off) and coming to my practice, and he's been a different person since. He even admitted to getting off to some of the photos, but that he'd rather do it with me. That really bothered me because some of the ones he posted were of me in high school on top of everything else I'm currently working on moving in with a girlfriend temporarily, and she is going to help me move. My now ex-fiancé also made a post about how I was being "unreasonable" and "getting upset at him for supporting me on silks". He also said I was projecting my insecurities onto him for trying to be supportive, but he didn't include the sex pressure or wedding performance he was pushing for. I also asked him to take the photos down, but he said he wouldn't. It really feels like an invasion of privacy. I also talked to my parents as some suggested, and they were happy to learn I got back into silks albeit sad at the same time. My dad is really upset at him and said he's trying to look into the photos being removed, but I'm not sure if much can be done. Mom said that me getting back into silks likely triggered something that was always inside him since he knew I did silks in the past, and he became excited when I got back into it. It's just been really stressful, and I'm taking a break from silks for now. I'll try to go back someday, but I'm just really stressed and will probably take some time off from work too. A few aerialists/circus artists also gave advice in my first post which surprised me, and some said it unfortunately wasn't uncommon to find people like my ex-fiancé who sexualize everything and can't appreciate the art/skills\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (Comments from OOP, the first in response to reporting the stolen photos): "I will be reporting them along with my parents. I hope that they're able to be removed, but I'm trying to be mentally prepared for some of them not being and particularly the college ones. I want to get past everything, but I do agree with trying to get them removed first" "He said he planned to show me the account closer to the wedding and encouraging comments about the photos he stole. He even posted about how I was unsure of myself in his posts when that wasn't the case, I was just rusty and wanting to have more time for the Christmas recital compared to hopping straight into a recital 3 weeks after getting back into silks in the summer" "Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm just trying to get through each day, but will also be looking into therapy as well. The panic attack from the graduation blindsiding when everyone was looking at me still hurts to think about, and I ended up leaving a class early not too long ago because the stress was too much to focus with along with feeling disgusting despite knowing that he was wrong. I hope to come back to it soon, but I hope to find a good therapist with my insurance because I don't have a great job, and I'd rather not waste money on classes when they're expensive and I can't focus which isn't safe"

OOP returned to aerial silks after years off. Her fiancé then began pressuring her to perform acrobatic party tricks with friends, in bed, and their wedding despite being told "no" numerous times

ONGOING

ThrowRA3837374

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1m07i/oop_returned_to_aerial_silks_after_years_off_her/

z1mu7j

[removed]

I need help people. Please help me with the least amount. I will be very thankful. This is my email in paypal if you like to help me. ahmed.mmbj@gmail.com

CONCLUDED

Cra-Fly7607

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1mu7j/i_need_help_people_please_help_me_with_the_least/

z1n6g1

I am not OP. OP is [u/CurrentMaize07](https://www.reddit.com/user/CurrentMaize07/) TW - >!Ableism, mention of emotional abuse!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ytfvub/aita_for_refusing_to_make_my_house_wheelchair/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on 13th Nov, 2022. My(22f) cousin(24m) is getting married next weekend. He proposed to his girlfriend(25f) on Wednesday and want to get married by the next Saturday. They want to hold the ceremony at our grandparent’s house which I’ve the legal inheritance of. I’ve no objections to them wanting to get married there or anything. Also there is no reason to technically rush the wedding, but they say they are in a very happy place and want to be married asap, well whatever rows their boat. They want to hold the ceremony in backyard and there’s this platform of sorts where they want the wedding party to sit at reception. The thing is one of their bridesmaids(24/25? F) is wheelchair user and so they want to add a ramp to the platform. Now the conflict is: they asked me to get a ramp there, I’ve talked to the contractor who has done most of the furniture and stuff in that house and he says he can only get to it next month, he’s busy with some personal affairs. I told my cousin this and he and his fiancé are very mad at me when I refused to hire a different contractor or get a quick work done. I have offered to attach a temporary ramp (the detachable kind- which I could rent from a nearby shop) instead. The bridesmaid is refusing this, saying she deserves a better accommodative and accepting facilities. Thing to be noted is: the cousin doesn’t want to pay for ramp construction since it’s not his house and doesn’t even want to pay any % of rent for ramp. Also the rest of the house is wheelchair accessible since my grandma needed it, including washrooms, it’s only this platform for some reason has no ramp but only stairs. I don’t want any sloppy or expensive ramp done in a rush, because I don’t have that kind of money saved or want to compromise the quality. The bride texted me saying she and my cousin have always walked on egg shells around me to make ‘accommodations for my handicap and feelings’ this is the least I can do for them. For reference my handicap is my autism. It’s never occurred to me it’s a handicap or issue for people(Atleast family) to be around me. When i talked to my parents about this, they were very angry at her and have refused to attend wedding where their kid is disrespected. When my aunt (groom’s mom) found out about this whole thing she was ‘red angry’ and said she might not attend the wedding too. Now the bride is calling me an ableist and instigator. AITA? Edit: wheelchair user instead of bound. Sorry wasn’t aware of the negative connotation. Edit2: mostly everyone saying I shouldn’t let them host the wedding there seems unfair, since it was his grandparent’s home too. But yes, I may not attend the wedding. It’s disrespectful I see. Edit3: thanks for everything. Posted a request for update. Hopefully it will be up soon. Verdict : NTA ​ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/CurrentMaize07/comments/yv7c7t/update_aita_for_refusing_to_make_my_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on 14th Nov, 2022. Thank you everyone for all the comments and explanations… it really helped me understand the entirety of situation. Well after reading all the comments the general consensus was not to let them use my house for wedding and when I asked my parents about this- they wholeheartedly agreed. Well it so happened we were at the said house, we being me my parents and my aunt(grooms mom), when I texted my cousin saying “I’m sorry but I’m not comfortable with you hosting the wedding or reception in my house.” And he simply texted back “ok.” That’s when my aunt called him up and started yelling how he was raised better, and he being disrespectful to his sister isn’t what she ever expected, she said she won’t attend the wedding and when undoubtedly the marriage will fail he’ll come back to his senses and his family. He was shell shocked would be understatement. He immediately came over to meet us all and when I told him about the ‘handicap’ text from his bride to be, he was taken aback. He apologised profusely. He literally said he’s begging for forgiveness. Yes he was irrational for the ramp demand but the bridesmaid was emotionally manipulating him and blackmailing him a lot. He called off the wedding and has gone no contact with fiancé. She saw the original post on Reddit and texted me calling me a ‘tattle tale dimwit’ So FU CAROL. Also as it turns out they were rushing the wedding because she didn’t want to sign a prenup. Dodged a bullet there it seems. Yes she said this part herself yelling in rage. So no wedding, but my aunt is hosting dinner the night of wedding and making my favourite dishes. Once again thank you everyone.

AITA for refusing to make my house wheelchair accessible

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newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1n6g1/aita_for_refusing_to_make_my_house_wheelchair/

z1q33x

[removed]

Should I name my baby after a serial killer?

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1q33x/should_i_name_my_baby_after_a_serial_killer/

z1twpp

I am not OP. OP is [u/itswaverlyok](https://www.reddit.com/user/itswaverlyok/). [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ol1oq6/aita_for_saying_my_mom_named_me_like_a_madlibs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on 16th July, 2021. My first name, Waverly, is the street my mom grew up on. My middle name is where I was conceived. My last name is a noun. It feels like a madlib. I’ve never felt any strong way towards my name other than wishing I had a “girlier” name when I was a kid, but I’ve always felt a little frustrated at the fact that my mom named me like one of those security question scams on Facebook. My siblings all were named a bit more normally. Anyways, my sister is pregnant and didn’t want a baby shower, so we had a nice dinner for her, 3 days ago, instead. We got onto the topic of names and my family starts giving their input and I tell her, “You could always take mom’s approach and just do a madlib.” My sister laughs and my mom throws herself on the table and bursts into tears. She starts wailing about how she didn’t know I hated my name so much, how awful she is as a parent, how I should just change my name and be done with her. My siblings and I console her, or try to, and after like 20 minutes with no success, my sister tells me I should leave so I don’t upset her anymore. My boyfriend (together 3 yrs) is fuming the whole way home, saying I knew that would upset her and I put him in an awkward spot. He’s been frustrated with me since. My sister also says I did it on purpose to upset her (we’ve always had a rocky relationship) and that I ruined her dinner because I was jealous of her for having a baby (I’m not) My other siblings have stayed mostly out of it but told me to apologize to our mom, which I did. I called and told her how sorry I was and rhat I really did like my name, and she starts saying I don’t need to lie to “spare an old woman’s feelings” and that she should be apologizing to me for “saddling me with such a burden.” I tried some more but she just kept wallowing. Ever since, she’s been making 3-4 Facebook posts PER DAY about how she’s a bad mom and grateful that her children still love her despite all her failures. My family has started reaching out trying to be sure everything hs okay. I didn’t mean to say it maliciously. I genuinely harbor no ill will towards my mother. I feel like everything has spiraled out of control and I feel like this is some weird revenge thing she’s trying to do. But was I actually mean enough to deserve the revenge? Was I really that out of line? AITA for saying my mom named me like a madlibs? Some relevant comments: 1: >She pulls the “I’m a bad parent” card a lot, but never sincerely and never to this extreme. When I was a teen, I wanted to go to a punk concert and we had a huge fight about whether or not I should be allowed to go. When I wasn’t allowed to go, I got angry and she starts going on, “I’m sorry I’m such a horrible parent. I’m sorry I won’t let my daughter be murdered miles from home. I’m sorry I don’t want my baby to be kidnapped. Call CPS, I’m winning worst mother of the year over here.” She was genuinely very upset but she was not sincere in feeling like she was a bad mom. 2: >A lot of people have said I haven’t given a full picture and I have, of the event in question. But here’s the even fuller picture: I’m the black sheep of our family. I am the oldest of 6 and my dad’s only child, he died when I was less than a year old. My mom remarried when I was 5 and my stepdad didn’t want much to do with me. He said it was “too late” for me to be his child and I’ve always felt out of place in my family. Everyone in my family is very athletic, I’m really not. Everyone in my family is very musical, I’m really not. I’ve always felt a little left out from everyone else and they make sure I don’t forget it. I got left behind a lot because I “wouldn’t enjoy things” as much and would frequently be left out of “family” activities by “accident.” I got into a lot of arguments with my mom and stepdad, especially as a teenager, because I turned my sad feelings into angry ones, but I’ve grown out of it. I’ve always had ambivalent relationships with my siblings but they are very clearly more loyal to their parents than me. I did not anticipate my siblings would take my side in this at all, they typically choose to support their parents and leave me out to dry. I genuinely don’t hate my name. I feel ambivalent towards it and have never made a comment like this before. I used to tell her I wanted to be a Hannah or a Kate but never something about the actual way I was named. If I’d known it would hurt her, I wouldn’t have said it, even if just to avoid the fuss. My boyfriend is a textbook people pleaser. He thinks me fighting with my mother has reflected poorly on him and that my family dislikes him now. For the most part, we’ve taken to ignoring the issue but he has been sad reacting my mom’s facebook posts which kind of pisses me off. ETA: There’s actually a really funny family photo from my teen years where everyone else knew we were taking a picture except me. So my whole family is color-coordinated in nice clothes and I’m wearing some old concert tee and ratty jeans. It was always my prime source when I needed to represent how I felt in my family. ​ Verdict : NTA [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yvv410/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_named_me_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on 15th Nov, 2022. Hey everyone, it’s the artist formerly known as Waverly. Just kidding. I didn’t change my name. Did change my whole life around though. I wanted to post this update for a lot of reasons, but mainly to express my gratitude. I didn’t have a lot of friends at the time and most of them were my boyfriend’s friends. I truly didn’t feel like I had anyone else to go to about this, so I’m so thankful for everyone who took the time to reply to my original post and provide insight. It was a lot to sift through and honestly, really painful. It felt like I was finally being validated after years of gaslighting myself. I always had a feeling that something was wrong but pushed it aside for the sake of being part of the family. The period after I posted was truly one of the lowest of my life, but also one of the most empowering. A lot of people told me to cut out my boyfriend but I didn’t see the point. I didn’t understand the accusations of narcissism. But when I sat down with him, explained how badly him siding with my mom hurt me, how it hurt to watch him turn against me when I needed to support, his response was, “You did this to yourself.” That was the lightbulb moment I needed. We broke up, I moved in with my brother for a little while to get back on my feet. There were a lot of recommendations to go no contact with my mom, but I had a really hard time with the idea of it. Talking it over with her was mostly unsuccessful, she kept degrading herself and sending me all these backhanded apologies that made me feel worse. Everything ended in me apologizing. My sister had her baby. Whole family went to visit her and she told us the name - top 10, very traditional. My mom made a comment about me scaring her out of exercising creativity, without any crocodile tears or hysterics. It was pure hostility from her and it was another lightbulb. I brushed it off, apologized to my sister, stuck around for another 30 minutes, and that was it. That was the last time I spoke to my mom. My brother harassed me about it, so I moved out of his place and into an extended stay hotel. I got a job a few states away, got an apartment, packed up my life and pretty much entirely started over. I haven’t spoken to any of my family members in almost a year. There has been a lot of therapy, as recommended. It’s been a painful, sad, lonely, and frustrating experience, but I’m also so much better off. I have new friends, I actually like my job a lot better now, and I’m creating my own weird little family with my pets, a family that I’m really a part of. Again, thank you to everyone who provided input. Not exactly the happiest update, but one for the better.

AITA for saying my mom named me like a madlibs?

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newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1twpp/aita_for_saying_my_mom_named_me_like_a_madlibs/

z1vqyc

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/pitchthis2022 in r/AmITheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!abuse, shitty family dynamics, homophobia!< mood spoilers: >!sad but hopeful!< ---   [**AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid because I don't wanna wear a dress for my brother's wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rzdphf/aita_for_refusing_to_be_a_bridesmaid_because_i/) - 9th January 2022 My(33f) brother(30m) and his fiancé(28f) are getting married in a week. My brother decided this last week. I am happy. I think his fiancé is great. I spoke her about the wedding and she told me that it was going to be small they weren't going to do dinner after. I understood wanting it small because she's pregnant and covid. But then my mom took over. She started inviting people and planning a reception and my brother went along with it. His fiancé was upset and stressed, but didn't want to argue. So, yesterday my mom calls me at work while my brother is on the phone saying they want me to be a bridesmaid. I said sure as long as I don't have to wear a dress. My brother says I have to wear a dress. Work is busy and I can't focus so I tell them I'll call them back. That morning I text my future SIL and tell her that I am happy for them but I'd rather not be a bridesmaid because I've spent a long time trying to be comfortable in my skin and who I am and what I like to wear. I decided to come but not be in the wedding and I hope she's not mad. She texts me back and says no, she's not mad and that I shouldn't have even thought she was. Around the same time my brother calls me and tells me he really wants me to be a bridesmaid its only 45 mins and I can change after. I told him I talked to his fiancé and that she said she was okay and wasn't mad. He then gets upset and says that he is going to talk to her and tell her not to interfere with his wedding. A few minutes later she calls to say she doesn't want to plan because stress wasn't good for the baby. Then my brother calls me and and I tell him that it's her wedding too and then he brings my wife(23f) into the situation saying she is making decisions for me and she doesn't need to be at the wedding if she cant be respectful. I tell him he's wrong and she has nothing to do with my decision. He keeps bringing her up finally she gets upset and yells thru the phone fine she won't come. My brother keeps arguing and saying I'm the only sibling he has left so I've got to do this because he asked my mom if I would. (our other sibling passed away the middle of last year) I said if I have to wear a dress no. So then he tells my mom and my mom calls me talking about how I'm selfish and a disappointment. She calls again and I ignore the call. Then she sends a text in the family chat saying I'm an evil person and effective immediately my aunts, cousins, niece and nephew and my grandma have to block me because instead of being a good daughter I'm defending trash (referring to my wife) against the family and I am no longer a part of the family. My brother then sends texts talking about how it's my wife's fault that he feels like he's lost another sibling and all I had to do was wear a dress for the wedding ceremony and pictures then I could dress how I wanted at the reception. My mom say I'm not allowed to speak to any of my fam. AITA for refusing to wear a dress for my brother's wedding? ETA: Info: I don't wear female clothes and my family has always had an issue with the way I dressed. Things like this have happened before, I've worn what they wanted being assured that I could change in to what makes me more comfortable only to be pressured and guilted into not changing or ruining the rest of the pictures. I offered compromises. I offered to wear a matching suit color to match. Initially it was only supposed to be my sil's sister standing behind her. But my mom got involved.   [**OP then posted an update in a comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rzdphf/comment/htxnuqo/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - 23rd January 2022 Cant figure out how to get my update approved so I'll post it here. So after my mom said I was banned from the family I thought a lot about whether or not to attend the wedding. I had only blocked my mom and brother. when my aunt called the day before the wedding. I answered without thinking. She started by asking me what was going on and then she told me that I was being selfish and childish and that I had to think about my brother's feelings and I've worn a dress before so I shouldn't be acting like it was a big deal. I said okay they asked I said no. My aunt then informed me that it didn't matter what he wanted, I should have said yes. I hung up. My stomach was in knots for days because I wanted to see my brother get married but I didn't think I'd be welcome. SIL called and asked if I were coming. I said probably not because I didn't want to ruin their day. She said she wanted me there and my brother did too. I said I had picked up a shift at work and I'd come to the reception to congratulate them. My brother then called me via facebook, upset that his number was blocked and started talking about how my “trashy wife” is dividing me from the family. And that my mom never banned me from the family. This devolved into an argument. I hung up. My mom then calls my job asking to speak to me. I didn’t know it was her (my coworker answered and said someone was otp for me) I pick up its my mom I hang up. I walk away to compose myself. SIL’s mom calls me and tells me that SIL wants me there and that if I want to be there then fuck everybody else. My emotions are everywhere. I leave work. At the same time my coworker tells me that my mother called back and “said a whole bunch of stuff” (those are the words my coworker used) and then tried to get my boss’s number and get me fired. Thanks to a bunch of the commenters who pointed out my mom might be a narcissist. I looked into different resources about signs of narcissists and being raised by them. I’ve since discovered that my mom might be one. Anyways, I went to the wedding. My mom and aunt acted as if everything were normal. They seemed under the impression that they had bullied me into doing what they wanted. On the drive to the wedding my SIL called me to say she was happy I was coming and sorry that everything was so messed up. Her mom came up to me and said screw my family she’s happy I came. Ultimately I took this as a farewell. I’ve decided to go NC with my family. I feel complicated about it and it hurts a bit but I think it’s best.   I'm marking this as concluded because OP never posted again and I think this is it. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid because I don't wanna wear a dress for my brother's wedding?

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khaomanee

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1vqyc/aita_for_refusing_to_be_a_bridesmaid_because_i/

z1vxte

[removed]

I live below a cult leader and I fear I've angered her

ONGOING

inkyfang

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1vxte/i_live_below_a_cult_leader_and_i_fear_ive_angered/

z1x10c

[removed]

Please vote for The Producers in the Performer, Choreography, Local theatre, and Ensemble performance!

ONGOING

CaterpillarMother992

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1x10c/please_vote_for_the_producers_in_the_performer/

z1xsfp

***I am not the OP.*** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hy4vqw/i_38m_just_found_out_that_my_brother_19m_has_been/) made in **July 2020** by [u/ThrowRA-PO](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA-PO/) in [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) Mood spoiler: >!Resolves as well as can be expected, happy-ish!< ​ Throwaway cause I'm still the only one that knows Background: My brother has been staying with us since lockdown, after his University closed. He couldn't stay with our parents cause they just sold the house and moved to a 1 bedroom apartment and our sister lives in a different part of the country. He was the "oops" baby so I hope that explains the age gap. My wife and I have a 5 bedroom home but currently don't have children yet (we decided to adopt 2 kids in our 40s) so we let him stay here. My brother has always been...different. He's a bit of a loner and doesn't have a lot of friends outside of his online group. He's a shy geeky kid but he's otherwise alright (or so I thought) when you get to know him. So here's what happened: The wifi doesn't quite reach my brother's room so he usually does his school work and other stuff in the dining room. A few nights ago, I was walking to the fridge after waking up in the middle of the night (wife and I sleep early) and saw my brother working on something out and as I got closer, I saw a very compromising picture of my wife (cleavage shot as she was gardening). He noticed me and quickly closed the window like he was watching porn. I was too shell shocked to say anything at that time and he just smiled awkwardly and ran to his room with the laptop. When I realized that something was up, I knew I had to find out. The next day, I asked my brother to pick up some groceries and some lunch for us and while he was away, I went to his room (something I've never done since he moved) and, well, it wasn't pretty. I saw a couple of my wife's bras and some of her panties which I can only assume he used to pleasure himself. I took his laptop and fuck it, decided to snoop. I knew his password cause I borrowed his Crunchyroll account to watch this anime my friend recommended (I don't usually watch anime). There I saw some of the most sickening entries I've read. There were pictures of my wife in a towel, her working out, her in compromising positions, etc. All taken without her consent by the looks of it. The fucker even logs every time he touches himself to the image of my wife. The creepiest part? He sometimes listens in on us when we have sex. My wife can be a bit loud but we didn't think it would be a problem since his bedroom was in a different part of the house (guest bedroom). I left the room feeling like I needed a shower. It was absolutely disgusting. Now I don't know what to do. I find myself fighting the urge to pummel him into next week every time I see him. I haven't told my wife yet cause I'm 100% sure she will feel violated and disgusted so I want to find the best solution first before doing so. I so desperately want to kick him out but I he has nowhere else to go. Even if I do, what should I tell my parents? The truth? This will most likely break the family apart. I do plan on telling my wife soon but if I do, I can almost guarantee she would want nothing to do with him and would never want to visit the family if he's around. I'm so fucking lost right now. Any advice will help. Still fighting the urge to beat my brother to a bloody pulp. **Edit:** if you're wondering, I did take pictures as proof. **Small update:** I told my wife. The redditors who said I should tell her first before anything cause she was the victim were absolutely right. I'm giving her all the power to decide what to do about it. A lot has happened but there are still things that need to be settled. Too long to add here and too incomplete to make a new update post. Hopefully we'll have everything settled tomorrow or the day after. I'll write the update once everything is settled and I calmed down. No, I'm not going to beat up my brother but I have thought about it. And to the people asking for the pics... You're disgusting. Hope the women in your life are proud of you. That's my wife, please have some respect. ​ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i2id3v/update_i_38m_just_found_out_that_my_brother_19m/) made in **August 2020 (1 week later)** I told my wife the next day after posting and needless to say, she did not take it well. She says she feels violated and unsafe in her own home. See, the thing is my wife and I have been together for almost 15 years so we literally saw this kid grow up. We took him out to the movies, to the beach, etc. We sometimes even joked to my parents that he was our practice baby. My wife has a tendency to distrust people in general, as a lot of people in her life have let her down in the past. Imagine how hurt and betrayed she was when she found out someone she trusted and loved dearly betrayed her like that. Honestly, if I wasn't consoling my wife then, I probably would've gone through with the initial idea and beat the ever living crap out of my brother. After she calmed down and went to sleep, I called my sister and talked about the situation. My sister and I are close, given that we're Irish Twins. I feel like she needed to know cause she has 2 teenage daughters herself and who knows what my brother would do to them if given the chance. We talked and she was clearly mad. She loves my wife like a sister and they're quite close themselves. She said she would support whatever decision we make and that our brother would also be unwelcome at her place for the foreseeable future. Then we confronted my brother. At first he denied it but when I showed him the evidence, he started ugly crying and begging us to forgive him. I gave him an ultimatum... Either he lets me in his phone laptop and delete everything, or I call the police. There was so much more shit on his computer than I initially thought. So many more stolen pictures of my wife that we're definitely taken without consent. The fucker even recorded the audio of us having sex. Who does that? So after hours of me looking for as much shit as possible, and pretty much clearing most of his hard drive, he eventually left without much of a fight. Oh and we definitely threw out my wife's defiled underwear and are most likely going to have the room he stayed in cleaned professionally. I checked and thankfully he didn't have any hidden cameras anywhere. Oh and if you're wondering how he got pictures of my wife in a towel... The shower for the masters doesn't have hot water yet so my wife uses the shared one in the same area. She would usually walk out of the bathroom with just a towel on and go change in our walk in closet. This shouldn't have been a problem cause the guest bedroom was in a different part of the house far from the main bedrooms and it had its own bathroom so my brother had no reason for being there. Needless to say, my wife is still shaken up about the whole thing, which is why I didn't think about writing an update until now. I'm sorry but my wife's well-being is my priority above anything else. My mom eventually called me asking what happened. She seemed very confused so I figured my brother didn't tell her anything at all. I told her what happened and needless to say, it did not end well. She kept asking me to forgive my brother and take him back in. She ranted about how difficult it would be to support him and how what I'm doing is breaking the family apart. I let her talk till I eventually said my brother would no longer be welcome in my home. I told her that she needed to get him therapy and that until then, there's no chance we would ever see him. My mom told me she'd talk to my sister about it and I said... Good luck, she's mad at him too. Not sure what's going to happen to our family now. The reason why we got the big house was cause we wanted everyone to come over during the holidays and stay with us but I'm not sure if my parents will at this point and there's no chance my brother is ever coming back anytime soon. Thankfully my sister is 100% on my side and we're going to talk about what we're doing for Thanksgiving soon. My wife hasn't really been the same either but she's getting better now that my brother is gone. We're talking about therapy which is something she's very willing to try out. We took a drive to the beach earlier (chill guys, we didn't leave the car) and talked about the future. We both agreed that after this whole covid thing is over, we're going to finally start our family with kids. We want two. Being a mom is something she always wanted but we both wanted to be financially secure enough to give them a good life and for us to also be in a position where we didn't have to work so much and just spend time with them. The sparkle in her eyes when we talked about our life together with kids told me that while things aren't good right now, we're going to be ok. I honestly can't wait to be a dad myself. So yeah, long story short brother is gone, wife is still sad, sister is on my side but mom isn't and I'm going to be a dad in a few years. Thanks to everyone who gave me their advice. It honestly helped me clear my head and make the right decision to tell my wife first. Oh and to answer questions that may come up... No, we did not go to the police. My brother deleted everything voluntarily and left without a trace. I'm sure the pictures are still out there somewhere but thankfully they aren't too explicit that it would severely damage my wife's reputation. And no, we aren't going to try and get pregnant or anything like that. We plan on adopting which is something we both talked about early on. ***Reminder: I am not the OP.***

I (38m) just found out that my brother (19m) has been perving on my wife (37f)

REPOST

Dragonara7

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1xsfp/i_38m_just_found_out_that_my_brother_19m_has_been/

z1ztsn

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Groundbreaking-Law53 **in** r/AmItheAsshole ​   [**AITA for wanting my boyfriend to come straight home after work (on some days) to help me destress after taking care of our 4 month old son all day?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ilp6dw/aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_come_straight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- 3rd September 2020 Hey guys; hope y’all are keeping safe. Sorry for my roundabout story but I hope you guys can advise me. I (32F) had an argument with my boyfriend’s (32M) brother (24M) yesterday because he asked me why I was mad at my boyfriend when he came home. My boyfriend is an IT guy in a section of our government. He likes to go to the sauna almost every day (he says to destress from work) from about 5pm to 8-9pm). If it’s not the sauna, he goes to have a drink with friends. Because of the Rona curfew, he has to get home by 9pm. Now I have no problem with him wanting to relieve stress or having time with his friends; everyone needs this. All I have asked of him is to compromise and come home early on some days so I can take a break for an hour or 2; take a bath in peace or eat without my kid screaming to be carried. I’m a first time mom at 32, a stay at home mom and my son has refused to bottle feed so I can’t supplement with formula. Basically this means, I have to be around him 24/7. My ‘BIL’ knows all this as he’s been staying with us for about 5 months now. So yesterday while arguing, He implies that my mental health is not important because my only reward should be my child’s wellbeing. And that my boyfriend’s mental health is more important and that I should give him a break and I’m not being fair. He also said that me being stressed is stressing them both out and making things uncomfortable and the last thing my boyfriend needs is to come home and see my frustrations when he needs to relax. Now i know I’m not asking for too much and I see red flags whenever someone makes me feel like I am. Is there another perspective to this that I’m not seeing?   **Verdict - NTA (Not the A-hole)** ​ [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iy2cgo/update_aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_come/) \- 23rd September 2020 I suppose this falls under relationships but just wanted to let you guys know how it went. I left my BF’s to go rest at my mom’s. During that week, my BF never reached out to me (even if to check if we arrived safely or to ask about our son) and that was the answer I needed. End of the week I texted him to ask if I could pick my things from his place. I told him things weren’t working out as he clearly didn’t care about me and we weren’t a priority to him. He said he didn’t see what he had done wrong which is why he had kept quiet and didn’t reach out. He said by me moving out, I was taking his son away from him; yet he spent 3/4 of his free time out of the house in the ‘sauna’(3-4hrs on a weekday after work and 8hrs on the weekend; EVERYDAY) He said he didn’t see the point of coming home to baby sit a 4 month old who needed his mother more. All I wanted was for him to come home after work on some days and take care of the baby while I shower in peace or eat food. He said it’s clear I wasn’t ready to have a child because he knows women who work 9-5 jobs and still come home to cook and take care of the kids. Implying that I’m failing because I need a break for an hour? He said we could reverse roles and he wouldn’t complain at all. When I told him he should be bonding with the baby, he said he’ll take over when he’s a toddler and easier to handle and that kids can be bribed with money and trips and they’ll be your best friend. I did not make the decision to end this just because of this issue; it was a combination of all red flags. But to be honest, this was the last straw. I was running on fumes, exhausted physically and mentally and I was asking him to help me but he decided, without talking to me about it, that I didn’t need a break. I believe He wants to live his life as a single man but enjoy the benefits of a relationship (sex, companionship, good housekeeping and food) when he comes home; that’s not how a relationship works. For a while he made me feel like what I was asking for was too much. And that I was crazy for asking for a little consideration. Like I wasn’t worth fighting for. I felt it was wrong and talking to you guys here on reddit strengthened my resolve. We are now officially ex’s and to be honest, I don’t feel like it’s a loss. I only feel stupid that I chose this person and I’m tied to him for the rest of my life and now my child is the one that suffers from my choice and not having a good father around him everyday. Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments and messages. You made me feel much better about everything and like I wasn’t alone; y’all are awesome! xoxoxo   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - AITA for wanting my boyfriend to come straight home after work to help care of our 4 month old

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raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1ztsn/oop_aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_come/

z216ki

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I think my sister is dating her soccer coach

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z216ki/i_think_my_sister_is_dating_her_soccer_coach/

z21d4b

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ponytailparade **in** r/offmychest *Just a short and sweet post*     [**Original Post + Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1lachy/teachers_from_hell/) \- 29th August 2013 For precalculus we are required to have a graphing calculator. My family cannot afford a graphing calculator and while I tried to tell the teacher my problem in private he uses me as an example and announces to the whole class "If you cannot afford a graphing calculator like ponytailparade, then get a job or find someone who will let you share". Just because I'm a junior does not mean I am old enough to get a job and you had no right to announce my inability to buy something to the whole class. You suck. ​ **Comments by OOP** >We try to get a stable home and location but the DV housing people keep moving us in fear of my abusive step-dad finding us. The longest I've lived in the same house for is at least 6 months   >I'm 15 turning 16 in a few months, and I've applied for a job everywhere I could and they all told me to come back when I'm 16. > >My HS makes everyone sign up for the site - the college bound thing is for high school students in NH who are entered to win scholarships ,iPads, ect. and I was lucky enough to get picked for the iPad   >They wouldn't let me use an iPad as a calculator, and I'm required to take this class, I was just informing the teacher that I couldn't get a graphing calc on the day he requested which was the next day and possibly more days, obviously I would have found a way to get one eventually ​ **UPDATE:** Wow I really did not expect so many people would read this. Instead of telling the principal I told my counselor about it since I always tell her a problem I'm having. She switching my teachers and is going to make sure Mr. Teacher from hell knows exactly why. Victory! All of you guys are awesome by the way I got a good laugh from some of your comments thank you! EDIT: to everyone telling me to stop whining because I'm using a smartphone or laptop, I would like to point out that I am posting this from an IPad that I **won** for **free**. THE CALCULATOR JUST ARRIVED :D [http://m.imgur.com/wthwd5h](http://m.imgur.com/wthwd5h) Thank you norms0028 and everyone else who offered, just the offer itself means a lot to me. Thank you guys!!!! ​   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Teacher from hell

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raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z21d4b/teacher_from_hell/

z22rl6

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Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me.

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z22rl6/boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but_wants/

z23wwu

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Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me.

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[deleted]

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z25tkc

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwaway7543596 in r/stepparents** ---   [**Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/l3yqj6/boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but_wants/) - 24 January 2021 Hi! First time posting here. I am aware this is probably not the standard stepparent situation but I'm just... so confused and I don't know what to do. I met my boyfriend at the beginning of September. He broke up with his girlfriend two weeks prior, we both weren't looking for a relationship but it just happened - we just couldn't stay away from each other. Everything was going well, we were both starting to get serious about each other. Fast forward to beginning of November - his ex contacted him and revealed that she is pregnant with his child. Obviously, we were all in shock but after some thinking my boyfriend decided he wants to take responsibility for what happened and be an active father. However, they do not want to get back in a relationship. I've been confused about my feelings ever since. Sometimes I think it's going to be fine, they both want the best for the baby and I shouldn't be jealous of his ex. Sometimes I'll just cry because it feels so unfair that I found this amazing guy and this happened. All of my friends are telling me to break up. That it's too much drama and I should just leave, but I don't want that. I want to believe that everything will be fine, that we'll manage the situation. So if you want to tell me that I should break up - please don't. I'm looking for ways to deal with my emotions and be a good partner, not a way out. I guess what I'm looking for is just advice from people who get it - how do you find your place in this child's life? How did it change your relationship? Am I stupid to think that we can make it work? Any advice will be greatly appreciated, especially from anyone in a similar situation. **EDIT:** Thanks to everyone who commented! I really appreciate all of your opinions and life experiences. I didn't expect so many people would comment, so it's hard to reply to everyone. After thinking about this, I definitely need some time and space to sort out my feelings.   [**UPDATE Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/m5nych/update_boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but/) - 15 March 2021 Hi again! I'm aware this probably isn't the best sub for this, but since I posted my original post here I thought I'd also post the update here. First of all, thanks to everyone who commented and tons of people, who gave me a reality check. Looking back at it, I can't believe how naive I was. I really thought it could all somehow work out. After I posted here, I met with him about a week later and I did something I'm not proud of - I went through his phone when he was sleeping. I just... I had a feeling that he wasn't telling me something. As you can guess, I was right. It turned out he invited her to spend Christmas with him and his family, his parents and sister even got her presents. He told me he was staying on his own, because he was getting sick. From the texts I'd say he was coming over to her about two or three times a week - I knew nothing. I just kept reading and I was so unbelievably mad that I ever trusted a word he said and then it hit me. She didn't know. She didn't know we were still together, because he completely avoided the topic. There was even a point where he said something like "I'm so tired, I'm not even gonna shower" and she said "That's gross, but if there's no one that would mind, it's your problem" and he said "you know there isn't anyone". I confronted him about it. He was reasonably mad at me for going through his texts, but didn't have any explanation for the rest. He "didn't want to brag about us to her when she's pregnant and emotional". He invited her for Christmas "because his parents told him to". He didn't tell me he was meeting with her regularly (and more often than with me) because "he knew I would get mad about it". I just... I felt stupid. I still do. She's giving birth in May. I blocked both of them on every fucking platform I could think of because I just can't. I really don't care if they get back together or not, I don't want to ever hear their names again. So, most of you were right - leaving was the only option. After reading your stories and struggles, all I can say is - you're all fucking heroes. I applaud each and every one of you, because dealing with a relationship is sometimes hard enough - add other adults and children, it's just... a nightmare (not always, I presume?). Sorry if you didn't care about this update, but I just really wanted to get this off my chest, close this chapter and move on. **Edit:** You all are so lovely. Thank you, for saving a random internet stranger from all of this drama lol. I wish all of you the absolute best!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me.

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z25tkc/boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but_wants/

z26zzx

[removed]

Monthly META Discussion - Dec 2022

META

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z26zzx/monthly_meta_discussion_dec_2022/

z27tus

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrasafee in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**My (28m) gf (31f) of 3 years confessed to me that she only started dating me because she knew I had a massive crush on her for a very long time and her roommate convinced her to go on a single pity date with me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qxaagj/my_28m_gf_31f_of_3_years_confessed_to_me_that_she/) - 19 November 2021 So I have had a mega crush on my gf ever since school days. We were in the same school, although she was one class ahead on me. Now my crush was such that everyone in my school knew, like if I was anywhere near her people would just give a mischievous smile to the both of us, if we were sitting near each other then my friends would tease me mercilessly, lol. In short it was impossible for her to not know about it. But I never had the courage to ask her out. After school we moved to different parts of the world for our education and we were not even facebook friends. Anyways, around 3.5 years ago I was attending the birthday celebrations of a friend when I saw her again. It was her alright, only she had become even more gorgeous and badass. The friend whose birthday I was attending was a mutual friend from our school and he of course knew about my crush. There were 2 or 3 more mutual friends there who also knew and they kept encouraging me to go and talk to her. So I finally went up to her with my heart in mouth and had a small talk with her. She of course recognized me from school and we had a nice talk and then we exchanged numbers and socials. So, with great trepidation I did some lite detective work to find out if she is single or not. To my great relief I didnt find the presence of any guys in her feed so my hopes went up a little. I reached out to her to hang out fully expecting her to turn me down but she accepted, to my gr8 surprise. So we hung out and I found out that we have a lot in common and then we decided for a next meetup. Things picked up from there and eventually we became boyfriend and girlfriend. She is everything I expected and more plus she is also extremely happy with our relationship. We have been discussing marriage too. Anyways last weekend we hosted her bff and husband for a dinner at our house. The bff is someone whom I had known during our school days and she is a good friend too. After dinner we were shooting the breeze and except me everyone was pretty drunk, as they were staying the night at our place. So we were talking when her drunk bff suddenly turned to my gf and said look how happy you are today and I feel some sense of pride after looking at you two. I smiled and said well thank you. Then she continued talking to my gf and said "you didnt even want to give this guy a chance and only agreed when I pestered you to go on a pity date with him and your plan was to let him down easy after the said date. But instead you guys are sitting here talking about your future together and it makes me so happy that I convinced you to take a chance with him, can you imagine if you had stuck to your original plan"? Her husband by now realized the awkwardness and led her away to sleep. I could see in my gf's face that she was visibly stressed. So we went to bed too and when she came to bed after changing clothes she was already in tears. She took my hand in hers and said please dont mind her words. I asked her is it true and she admitted yes it was. She knew I always had a massive crush on her so when I asked her out she didnt want to be mean by turning me down harshly. So she discussed it with her bff who was also her roommate at the time about the situation. The bff knew me so she tried to convinced her to give me a chance but the gf was not convinced. Finally the bff asked her to go on 2-3 dates with me and then let me down easy and gf agreed. But then she found out we really clicked together and wanted to continue dating and well, here we are 3 years later. I hugged her and said its ok, dont worry about it too much as its water under the bridge. But as you guys can tell its obviously bothering me. And I think she has started to catch on too as she has been extra attentive and loving to me since the incident. So Reddit, on the one hand I am the guy who is literally going to be engaged and eventually married to my crush, and its even better because our relationship just how I imagined to be, only 10 times better. On the other hand it does sting a little to know that she only agreed to go out with me because she pitied me, ngl. Please knock some sense into me before I self sabotage this wonderful relationship. Thank you.   [**Update-My (28m) gf (31f) of 3 years confessed to me that she only started dating me because she knew I had a massive crush on her for a very long time and her roommate convinced her to go on a single pity date with me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qz6377/updatemy_28m_gf_31f_of_3_years_confessed_to_me/) - 21 November 2021 So I guess I should tell what happened after I made the post. In the morning the bff apologized for her insensitive comments the night before. She said she got too drunk and that she just wanted to take credit for setting us up and playing a match maker but being drunk she blurted out some unnecessary things. I said of course, you dont have to apologize as I have to thank her for me and my gf going on that first date. After the bff left I went to my gf and shared my feelings, and asked her why was she hesitant on going out with me? She then took my hands in hers and told me that it just felt awkward to her. She had known for years that I had a crush on her, on top of that I was younger and junior than her. Her friends from back home sometimes used to tease her by taking my name, and almost all of our mutual friends know about my crush on her. So when I asked her out she felt awkward, because, 1. I was more into her than she was into me even before going out on a single date, and 2. I had her on a pedestal and she was certain that reality was never going to meet my fantasy, so she wanted to avoid going through this. Also she thought I was a weirdo, she admitted it, lol. But after her bff went to bat for me she decided to go out with me and then let me down easy after 2-3 dates. Then I asked well what changed after the first date and she said "well you didnt give off any weird vibes, yes you were very happy and nervous as a result but I didnt get any creepy vibes from you. You were just a guy with a crush, with whom I had insane chemistry even on the first date. And now, 3 years later I think I have a bigger crush on you than you ever had on me". After having this conversation we went out to have dinner at the same restaurant where we had our first date and even tried to order the same dishes but alas they had discontinued one the dishes. Then we decided to order something entirely new, which we both had never had. Anyways that was the update guys, thank you for reminding me how lucky I am, lol. PS- We will be going ring shopping in the first week of December.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (28m) gf (31f) of 3 years confessed to me that she only started dating me because she knew I had a massive crush on her for a very long time and her roommate convinced her to go on a single pity date with me

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z27tus/my_28m_gf_31f_of_3_years_confessed_to_me_that_she/

z28zmp

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/zenmonkey99 in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/aun72q/my_gf_of_3_years_returned_the_engagement_ring/) - 25 February 2019 I decided to propose to my gf of three years on our third anniversary. I flew her to Vietnam and after a couple of weeks travelling we ended up in Cambodia. She had wanted to see Angkor wat and some other temples that were on her bucket list. After a long day of hiking in the heat through ruins we retired back to our hotel and when we were alone together I proposed and she said yes. We kissed and I had planned to take her to the waterfall the next day to celebrate. It’s really beautiful. She took a shower and I laid in bed thinking what an amazing day I just had and how I would get to spend the rest of my life with the women I loved. When she came out of the shower however she was in tears. She handed me back the ring saying she couldn’t accept it because she didn’t want her memory of my proposal to be in a hotel room. I played it cool and said I understood but truthfully it hurt. It seems to me that I had offered her something of value. A lifelong commitment and partner. I took her halfway around the world and helped her cross off something she had wanted to do most of her adult life. I felt that if she valued me it wouldn’t matter that the proposal wasn’t exactly what she wanted. It was me and our future together she was saying yes to and not my delivery. If she had found a million dollars in a dumpster she wouldn’t throw it back because of where it came from. So she can’t possibly value me or what I have to offer as an individual if she’s willing to reject it because she didn’t like the place I asked. I’m preparing to end things when we get back. She wants me to propose again and better and then she’ll say yes, but I’m done. Am I wrong? Should I do it over? What do you think. Any advice is appreciated. --Update to the story. Hi and thanks for all the comments and help. I ended up following the advice of one of the commenters. The conversation with my girlfriend went something like this: Me: No that was my proposal. You rejected it. It's never going to happen again. GF: So we aren't getting married? You aren't going to propose... ever? Me: No never. I'm glad you were the one I proposed to and I'm happy that I found the courage to take that step and make such a huge commitment. But no. It was a one-time thing. If you want to marry me, you'll have to propose. I decided to see how things went and planned to give her till my birthday (July) to make her proposal or I would end it and move on. She did while we were hiking a trail back home. I accepted. That's it for now. Am I making a huge mistake? Maybe. I'll get a prenup of course and protect my assets. If it ends it won't cost me more than a few hundred. Hopefully, I get many happy years from this. If not, I'll update the post. Also, thanks for all the comments and support. Weird how much that meant. I also genuinely appreciated the people that objected to me ending things. It's the internet so I expect to hear nothing but "Dump her". Getting another more reasonable side to things was helpful. Regards, ZenMonkey   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed.

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toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z28zmp/my_gf_of_3_years_returned_the_engagement_ring/

z28zwh

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OP is distancing himself from his parents who won't take no for an answer.

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Ambitious_Forever977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z28zwh/op_is_distancing_himself_from_his_parents_who/

z291pv

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Looking for updates on trial of blabbermouth and EC

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AdBeginning8843

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z291pv/looking_for_updates_on_trial_of_blabbermouth_and/

z2aan7

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10 years ago, my girlfriend abandoned me and our 5 year old daughter, now she wants her family back

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Willuknight

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2aan7/10_years_ago_my_girlfriend_abandoned_me_and_our_5/

z2dkwx

TW: Police Harassment Mood Warning: >!No consequences for officer!< Video evidence is at bottom of update post 1 * [Original:](https://www.reddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/xc643c/need_help_harassing_your_tenant_call_your_local/) (12 Sept 2022) So, it has taken a few days to get over my shock and anger over what happened, and I still don't know what to do, so here is what happened, and maybe I can get some advice from kiwi redditors? I live under my landlords, and our relationship has broken down because I bought a small boat and parked it in my vehicle space - which is legal. I work on my boat most days because I intend to live on it, this became an urgent situation when my landlords gave me notice. My landlords have continued to harass me however - going from one length to another. At first preventing me from being able to charge my car - something we had an agreement on - to running over or into my property without stopping, to running over things that I am literally holding, to letting their friends look at the boat while speaking nastily about me right outside my bedroom, to taking photos of my windows. Last Tuesday I was working on a ladder 2 meters high in the air when I hear a toot. For some reason the landlord wanted me to move my ladder, even though there was space to get around. I reluctantly move it. The same thing happens when they return, this time the ladder is further down the driveway and they have even more room. I am so sick of their bullying that this time I refuse and say to drive around. They lean on their horn; I keep working. The landlord screams at me to "move it" and starts filming me. I say "say please, and I'll move it". I come down the ladder and go inside while they intermittently scream at me and lean on the horn. My measuring tape was close by, so I measured the car and the amount of driveway left. I also take a picture. There is so much room it's stupid. As I was in front of the landlords car, they revved their engine as if they were going to run me over. It was extremely threatening. After about 10 minutes a large ute shows up. An angry man gets out and tells me to move the ladder. I refuse and say I live here, he says "no you dont" (I have lived here for nearly 6 years). He then grabs it without asking, moving it to the other side of the driveway. I have taken the place of the ladder. The angry man tells me to move, while grabbing a badge out of his back pocket and shoving it in my face. Now, I am a 5'2 woman in my 30s, and am not massive (though the videos make it look like I might weigh a bit, it is from all the layers of clothing from working on the boat). He is standing over me and yells at me to "get over there" while pushing me. I told him "do not fucking touch me, get your hands off me". Angry man gestures for my landlord to drive up, hitting me with the car on the way. He then takes my ladder and puts it back shittily, so I rearrange it before asking him for his details as he speed walks up the driveway to console the landlord (who has the biggest smile on her face). As I followed him I asked for his badge number which I did not hear, and he refused to repeat. He also refused to give me his name after asking for it mutiple times. He eventually says Constable Ben, Senior Constable Ben. I didnt hear his last name and kept asking him to repeat which he refused. Angry Senior Constable Ben then waits for the landlord to drive back down, now in her work van - a much larger vehicle. The work van somehow makes it around the ladder no problem. I ask for his badge number again and he says "we don't have badge numbers". This is despite him giving me a bunch of numbers earlier that I didn't hear properly, and wanted him to repeat. With the van at the bottom of the driveway, he tells me that I shouldn't have been a bad person and just have moved the ladder. When I said that my landlords had been harassing me he said "oh bullshit". Then he left. It was at this moment that it dawned on me that my landlords have been using their friends within the police to harass me for a while now. This is the third time an officer has shown up voicing their displeasure at something. On the 3rd an officer pulled all the way up the very long driveway to ask who the "white car" belonged to, and to move it because it was parked illegally. It was parked half on the road, half on the sidewalk, something that every second car parked on the road is. It was weird that the officer knew exactly where to look as I live in a flat that looks like it's part of the main house. A similar incident also happened on the 24th of July. So I lay a complaint and Senior Seargent Wally comes around to take my statement. He agrees that Ben was wildly out of line AND that my landlord should have just driven around. However, he also tells me that Ben will not lose his job, will not even have to apologize. He will only get a slap on the wrist. I ask Senior Seargent Wally about whether people can apply to thee police and be accepted with an assult charge - he says yes. This is something that people with ADHD, or even minor drug offenses are excluded from. The next day another officer - Mack - comes round to get my statement signed. He is extremely icey. I ask him about if it's possible to look up the other two officers. He says no. I press him and say that I think it is possible to find out because all the cars are tracked. He says they aren't. I say that I know they are because I used to work in transport despatch. He tells me that I am twisting his words, that he will be leaving, and that he knows my landlords as he has lived here since 2003. So I call Seargent Wally again. He simply refuses to look into the other two incidents (and I have the exact time and date) saying that there is no point as my friends were technically committing an offense. I said "that's all well and good, but if you don't start looking for evidence, you aren't going to find anything are you? We already know that one police officer is breaking the rules to harass an individual using the Police organization as clout to do so, don't you want to know if the problem is systemic at that station?". He basically refused and hung up on me. I'm not sure why they are so quick to refute what I am saying - afterall if the two other officers didnt make any other traffic stops on my road, were called in from another town for these exceedingly minor offenses (Seargent Wally literally parked this way when at my house), or was not a traffic officer, that would be further evidence that they are making stops where they shouldn't, at the behest of someone who is not in the Police. I don't quite know what to do anymore. I had such small faith in the police, and now I have absolutely none. I'll post the videos, any phone calls if i have them, and the photos of the driveway/ladder etc if anyone asks. This whole thing is so stupid and so serious and so sad. I know so many people who just don't trust the Police and I can't deny that I am one of them. **Update Edit 1:** I have been advised not to share the video, but I have uploaded a pic of the car and the ladder, before Constable Angry-Beef moved it https://imgur.com/a/9ydQZyc **Update Edit 2:** I have contacted someone I peripherally know in the media, however they said that it is unlikely that anyone would be interested in a story that amounts to a "personal dispute". I will however be complaining to everyone and every organization that my fellow Redditors have suggested. I am focusing on getting the boat done first, as well as a rehearing of the Tenancy Tribunal. Then I will start firing off official complaint letters. I just don't have the time or energy to do both right now. **Relevant comment from OOP:** And I know these guys are cops as the first two were in... wait for it... cops cars. Senior Constable Bully-beef-assults-women-in-his-downtime is a well known officer who was positively identified by Seargent Wally from the videos. He is apparently so well known that Wally was surprised I didn't already know him. Nearly 6 years living in a small town doesn't give me any insights into the local Police. Unless they are a ballet dancer or like boats. And there hasn't ever been a man in one of my classes. * [Update Post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/ywh3cl/update_to_the_police_harassment_post/) (17 Nov 2022) [The ladder that started it all](https://imgur.com/a/9ydQZyc) So I made the post above a few months ago. I made an official complaint to the Police and the IPC, which is why I didn't post a link to the videos... Until now. I received my first "apology" several weeks ago from the officer who took my initial statement. He kind of ploughed on with the apology without asking if it was a good time, I had to interrupt him and tell him that it wasn't a great time for me, and that I couldn't hear him properly (I was at a busy cafe). However, he said that he had delivered the apology, and that he could hear me so therefore I must be able to hear him (tecc smort), and that was that. Nice huh? So I complained about that instance and managed to line up an apology with the actual offending officer. However, I have just come off a phone call with the officer (yes, I [recorded](http://sndup.net/ptww) that too). He apologized for my feelings (give me a break 1950's attitude) and then apologized for showing his police badge during the incident. That's it. I told him that his apology was a cop out (heh), that he cannot apologize for my feelings, only for what he did, and that I didn't accept it as an apology. The IPC did sweet fuck all, saying that they could not rule either way, and could only make the officer apologize for his "attitude". However, the complaint was submitted by another officer, so I am waiting to hear back from the IPC to see if they received all of the evidence, because the officer today made a comment about not having heard the accompanying audio, which is extremely strange. Now I know, in the scheme of things, what happened to me is small fry. The problem is that when Police start acting like their own gang, at the behest of their friends, with zero penalties for using their badge as a backstop for their behaviour. We have a real issue of a sliding slope. We also have the problem of the Police not having the faintest idea of how to give an actual apology... Wait they actually do, they just don't want to apportion blame to themselves. So they use a form of apology that instead shifts the blame onto the victim. However, treating victims of assault or crime like it didn't happen, apologizing for the victims own, legitimate feelings is beyond the pale, revictimizing them. And the biggest issue - using the badge to intimidate and threaten. That badge should be sacred, yet this officer, and officers that allow him to continue to work, use the badge to navigate around the law. Its a mix of an old boys club and complacency and neither have a place in a policing organization. I am so very disappointed in the NZ Police. I have given them months to come correct, and two chances at a proper apology. This is not the first time they have disappointed the ever loving fuck out of me. But it IS the first time I have all the receipts. So, because I am thoroughly at my wits end with the Police and don't believe a thing they say, not to mention their ridiculous non-apologies... I humbly submit to you all of the videos, as much of the phone calls as I can find (sometimes my call logger doesn't record everything automatically). Nothing is cut or edited. The audio is shit on the low views videos, but well decent on the high views. The audio can also be mixed around in order to hear things a bit clearer. Let me remind you that my landlords called their friend in the Police on me, in order to force me to move my ladder from the driveway. A ladder that was preventing them from driving up the driveway. A ladder that they had no problem driving around in the last video, in a much bigger vehicle. [Low View 1](https://youtu.be/LWQVrAz91GI) [Low View 2](https://youtu.be/Bdt8SmdOBqA) [High View 1](https://youtu.be/16CdcMeFd34) [High View 2](https://youtu.be/U_8pSGEqQ_8) [High View 3](https://youtu.be/KHz3I2nfqUI) [High View 4](https://youtu.be/9-MBDSkMxWs) **Update in post:** First and foremost. Thank you everyone for all the support, it has really blown my mind and I am so grateful for all the advice, the kind words, and invisible hands on my back - it is worth more than I can put into words. Secondly, both Stuff and Newshub have reached out, so with any luck this will gain some traction. Thirdly, I posted this on the Te Puke Facebook page last night. This officer is known by everyone in the community, and I mean everyone. When I initially told people around town what had happened, I got back "Not Plod. Plod is so nice!". So, after I posted it on FB last night (following all the page's rules) initially there was outrage. Then NOTHING. The post got taken down after the comments were disabled. Finally, I will be adding my correspondence with the IPCA. The complaint was submitted by the Seargent who took my statement. So I want to see exactly what he submitted in case he deliberately did not include some of it to enable this officer to get a slap on the wrist. I called the IPCA yesterday and left a message regarding exactly this and that I had not received an apology. I then received an email back stating that "we appreciate you do not accept the apology which was given. However, given the opportunity was created for Constable Gordon to offer an apology, the Authority will take no further action and close your file." In other words, they don't care if I received an apology or not, just that "an opportunity" had been created for one. Nice huh. Ill keep updating as things go along. * [Update Post 2:](https://www.unddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/yyqcz6/new_update_to_the_police_harassment_post/) (19 Nov 2022) Hi everyone, I Tried to post this last night but for some reason it was "auto-flagged" and it wasn't posted. All the original posts in a comment below. I thought I would give you all some updates, as well as a rather spicy letter I have received from the IPCA! But first a massive thank you. The amount of support has been staggering. I was so scared about posting those videos after the NZ Police had tried so hard with their gas lighting. But the messages and comments and people who reached out to say to keep going and stand strong were just what I needed. But I also heard so many stories of abuse by the not just the Te Puke Police, but the force in general... it was just heartbreaking. One of the things that was suggested to me was to put the video on social media. Social Media is something that I generally avoid, however I created a public TikTok. My user name is @/she_builds_boats so go and watch and share it if you can! Two media outlets have been in touch, so lets hope it gains some traction. I posted about this on the Te Puke Facebook page last night with a link to the Reddit update. This officer is known by everyone in the community, and I mean everyone. When I initially told people around town what had happened, I got back "Not Plod. Plod is so nice!". So, after I posted it on FB last night (following all the page's rules) initially there was outrage. Then NOTHING. The post got taken down after the comments were disabled. Then I posted it again. It was removed within a few minutes. A few minutes after that a pro-police post was posted. It was up for several hours before it was taken down again due to spicy comments. I was called a bot and a liar. Many people would rather just call me a liar than watch the video. Its kind of sad really. Finally, I will be adding my correspondence with the IPCA. The complaint was submitted by the Sergeant who took my statement. Which seems kinda fucky. So I wanted to see exactly what he submitted in case he deliberately did not include some of it to enable this officer to get a slap on the wrist. I called the IPCA yesterday and left a message regarding exactly this and that I had not received an apology and that I wanted to speak to the person in charge of my case. I then received an email back stating that "we appreciate you do not accept the apology which was given. However, given the opportunity was created for Constable Gordon to offer an apology, the Authority will take no further action and close your file." In other words, they don't care if I received an apology or not, just that "an opportunity" had been created for one. Nice huh. So I called back and reiterated that I wanted the information and that I had not received an apology. They basically said fuck you, we are closing your file. As for the IPCA, it seems they are a bunch of toothless ex cops who don't give two shits about doing what's right. The last correspondence with them below. There is more from the IPCA, but I am dog tired and my boat is leaking! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- From the IPCA: 14 Oct 2022 Dear [My Middle name because they can't even get that right], I’m writing to let you know the outcome of your complaint about an officer’s involvement in a dispute with your landlords. You say the officer assaulted you, was aggressive and shoved his badge in your face. The officer denies pushing you. He says he kept an arm up to prevent you from walking in front of your landlord’s car. I acknowledge the officer’s account does not match what you say in your complaint. However, the camera footage does not show enough to help decide whose account is more accurate and without other evidence, we will take no further action on this aspect of your complaint. The Authority’s decision to take no further action on the assault is not intended to minimise your experience, or indicate we doubt your account. We can only make findings of Police misconduct if we are sure about what happened, and we are unable to do so here. Police do agree it was unnecessary for the officer to show you his Police ID and a member of Police will contact you within the next two weeks to apologise for the officer’s attitude. Apart from confirming with Police that you received the apology, the Authority will take no further action. Nāku noā, nā Griffyn Gully-Davies Manager: Case Resolution INDEPENDENT POLICE CONDUCT AUTHORITY ----------------------------------------------------------------- Fri 18 Nov 22 Kia ora OOP As requested in your voicemail message to the Authority yesterday, I have attached a copy of your signed complaint statement which Police forwarded to us under Section 15 of the Independent Police Conduct Authority Act (IPCA Act). Section 24 of the Privacy Act provides that a request for access to personal information under Information Privacy Principle 6 of the Act is subject to any other Act that restricts the availability of personal information, or that regulates the manner in which personal information may be made available. Section 32 of the IPCA Act is such a governing provision, restricting and regulating the manner in which personal information may be made available. In accordance with section 32, our policy is not to release personal information unless: it has already been communicated by or to the requesting party; or it forms part of a report or letter setting out the Authority’s findings in relation to an investigation; or the release will have some other legitimate purpose relating to the Authority’s functions under the Act. As mentioned above, I have attached your signed complaint statement document which comes under one or more of these categories. Any other information we hold relating to your complaint cannot be disclosed as it does not fall within any of these categories. If you disagree with a refusal to provide you with any personal information you have requested, you may make a complaint to the Privacy Commissioner. Please note that your request to speak to Griffyn Gully-Davies has been declined. To confirm the Authority’s position, Police provided an apology to you which they agreed with us they would do. While we understand you are dissatisfied with the sincerity of the Police apology, the Authority will take no further action on your complaint. Your complaint remains closed and we will not respond to any further correspondence from you on this matter. Nāku noa, nā Andy ***Reminder: I am not OOP. Also first time posting on BORU so please let me know if I did it wrong.***

NZ Police harass tenant for not moving ladder

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ThomasTheSpider

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2dkwx/nz_police_harass_tenant_for_not_moving_ladder/

z2du60

[removed]

Boyfriend is hilariously overzealous in his pursuit of NNN. Girlfriend puts her foot down.

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2du60/boyfriend_is_hilariously_overzealous_in_his/

z2e0fj

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Boyfriend is hilariously overzealous in his pursuit of NNN. OP puts her foot down.

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GavinC137

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2e0fj/boyfriend_is_hilariously_overzealous_in_his/

z2e3f3

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Bf_fury in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**Me (27M) and my GF (25F) opened our relationship and have started to lose our “spark”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vtc8d9/me_27m_and_my_gf_25f_opened_our_relationship_and/) - 7 July 2022 We opened our relationship at the beginning of the year after 5yrs of monogamy because she expressed that she wanted to gain more sexual experiences after growing up in an overly strict household. There were bumps in the road starting out because I’m very monogamous and I was having difficulty finding partners while she was able to secure a lot of encounters and dates almost instantly. Things got a lot better after I went to therapy and learned to express my concerns and emotions in a healthy way. Our sex life with each other remained healthy through this but it started to improve after I learned to communicate my feelings. I met someone who’s a great friend and also a great sexual partner after realizing that, unlike my gf, I’m not able to have sex with strangers without a bond and that I had no real desire to gain much more sexual experience because I grew up with significantly more freedom. My girlfriend started to become jealous of the bond I had started to create with this new partner and would do things to they to interfere with our meet ups like calling my phone constantly while I was with this person or throwing herself at me sexually right before I was about to leave. This behavior started to reveal a pattern to me. Before this year my gf was very responsible. She was pretty good with money even when we didn’t have much, she held down a steady job with steady hours and she enrolled in college the previous fall in order to obtain a bit of upward mobility. But leading up to us opening our relationship she began to almost regress. It started with spending her entire check on tattoos and piercings, which I didn’t mind too much because I love outward self-expression. But then she started antagonizing her supervisors and showing up hours late daily or leaving early with no warning. Then this semester in school her grades declined and she stopped showing up to class little by little until she had no clue when midterms or spring break were and didn’t have a clue that finals happened and the semester was over. A month or two after I started hanging with this new partner and getting to know her even more and growing closer, my gf took a leave of absence from her job for two months. She said it was for her mental health but when I suggested therapy she refused. She narrowed her encounters down to one consistent guy and stays with him for days at a time. This would be more of a red flag for me if I hadn’t started a job this year that’s 12hr swing shifts. She told me she hates being at home by herself and because I work so much it makes sense that she’d try to find somewhere to be while I’m gone. But then she started the food delivery services. She doesn’t have a car or a license so it would make more sense if I didn’t already buy groceries and keep the house stocked with food. And because she wasn’t making any money, she was spending my money. It’s as if she has lost all sense of maturity. She gets frustrated when I bring up the money or the fact that when I’m at work and she’s home all day she does absolutely nothing except order food and lay in bed. She also shuts down when I attempt to have a healthy conversation about how I feel in our relationship or she’ll say that she doesn’t notice anything different and that maybe I’m just making up things in my head. She eventually quit her job without having anything else lined up and all of this caused me to grow distant from her physically and emotionally, because it felt as if my needs in our relationship weren’t being met and she noticed immediately. She felt that I didn’t find her attractive and was upset that I stopped initiating sex and that the quality of our sex deteriorated. I tried to fix it and express how I felt in the relationship and why it was hard for me to want sex from her but she kept saying I was just always calling her a problem. So now we don’t have sex or even cuddle. We talk a lot still but mostly about her sexual partner. I hardly see her now. I still try to initiate sex but she’s always tired or on her period or any other excuse and when she tries to initiate sex, it’s usually at the most awkward or inopportune times. All of the intimacy is gone and we haven’t had sex in almost two months. I want to bring this up to her but her frustration with these types of talks has pushed her to threatening a break up or says she’s feeling like I’m never satisfied with her. She says constantly that I’m the man she wants to marry and that she can’t see herself with anyone but me. So it’s a bit confusing. My working theory right now is that what I need in my life is maturity and the partner I’ve found is exactly that. Responsible but fun and is all about balance and fairness. On the other hand, my gf is looking for thoughtless fun and availability and her partner embodies that as well. He has none of his own things, rarely goes to his job, and is easily aroused no matter what. I don’t want to leave my gf and I know who she was and that the person I fell in love with but I’m not sure that I care for who she is now. We’ve tossed around the idea of couples therapy once we get our finances back under control but she doesn’t honestly seem very interested in the idea. I’m just not sure what to do at this point. Update #1: The same day I posted this, she got a call from her mother who was the main antagonist of her childhood. They’ve had a sort of surface level relationship since she left home. Her mom stated her brother was going through a bit of psychosis due to self-isolation for the better part of his late teens and that she had some realizations about how she parented her children and apologized to my gf. It seemed to have unlocked something in her and she let out a lot of held in resentment. She asserted to her mom that she’s going to start therapy because she’s realizing that she’s becoming her mother and she doesn’t want to hurt people like she was hurt as a child. I’m not sure how much she meant this, being that she was extremely emotional about it, but while on break at her new job that she started last week she’s been applying for a second job, saying that she thinks she thinks having so much free time this year has been affecting her negatively and she wants to work to have some emotional and financial independence. This is all good and well, but a lot of you in the comments have brought up some amazing points and I think this is ultimately about figuring out what I actually want. I don’t think hopping out of one relationship to another is something that’d benefit me or anyone else in the long run and I realize I do deserve to have some say of my own life and boundaries and desires. But I also know that relationships are work, but that work has to be mutual. I’m going to do a lot of thinking and I’ll update this post if there are any developments. --- [**[Update] Me (27M) and my GF (25F) opened our relationship and have started to lose our “spark”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ywmmtt/update_me_27m_and_my_gf_25f_opened_our/) - 16 November 2022 So it’s been a few months and I figured I’d update you all on the situation, if you’re still curious. So a week or so after the original post I realized things weren’t improving. I went to some friends about the situation and it was unanimously time for a break up. I knew it was my decision to make ultimately and I read through all of the comments from the original post and decided that I deserved to figure out how I wanted to live life. So I broke up with her and told her all the reasons why. I told her all of the things I didn’t like and would need to change if there was even any hope of ever considering getting back together. She cried and we talked (over the phone because she was never home when I was home so we couldn’t talk in person). She seemed to understand my reasoning and was saying she was going to work on herself. It was getting close to the end of the lease and I had found a new place with my roommate and she was under the impression she was going to move in with me. I considered letting her move with me but ultimately decided it was a bad idea, especially because she went on a rant about my friends and how she wanted to hurt them because she found out that they agreed that I should break up with her. So finally I told her she couldn’t move with me, she went to live with the dude she had been seeing and she kept in contact. She never put forth any effort to improve. She constantly gave me updates of how shitty the guy is and offered me sex on occasions. Her situation with him started to mirror how she treated me and immediately she realized that how he treated her was abusive and toxic. I explained all the parallels between her situation and our situation and she gave a half-hearted apology. I got back into therapy and I’ve been doing great ever since. My finances are more stable than they’ve been in years and I’m now dating the girl I was seeing before. This has been the easiest relationship I’ve had in my life. Our styles of communication are similar and how we show affection and care are the same. It was jarring at first because I’ve been so used to chaos and abuse even in relationships before my ex. Dating this girl feels like finally having someone on the same team as me. Someone dependable and consistent. Took a while to break habits of co-dependency and realize that I’m allowed my own space and freedoms with her. I had to get back into my hobbies and I started going back to the gym because I had started thinking back over the last 6 years of my life and all of the shit I put up with and sacrificed for my ex and I kept blowing up on her and my therapist told me it wasn’t healthy for me to channel my frustrations out like that. So I’ve been a lot more productive and creative these days. TLDR: I broke up with my gf, started dating the girl from the open relationship. I’ve been genuinely happy for the first time in a long time if not the happiest I’ve ever been. I have a new apartment and I’m in therapy working through everything. Thanks for all the comments on the original post. Even the ones that weren’t that great. --- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Me (27M) and my GF (25F) opened our relationship and have started to lose our “spark”

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Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2e3f3/me_27m_and_my_gf_25f_opened_our_relationship_and/

z2gohx

This one was very popular on r/AITA last week, but I wanted to include the update since not everyone saw it. **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/thethrowaway156](https://www.reddit.com/user/thethrowaway156/). I fixed a few spelling errors for readability, but changed nothing else. I don't think any trigger warnings are needed, but let me know if you feel otherwise! Mood Spoiler: >!good ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ywyb7n/aita_for_not_getting_on_a_flight_upon_finding_out/)**: November 16, 2022** So, my fiancee has 3 kids from his former marriage whilst I have 2, from my former marriage as well. I quit my job to start focusing on getting my degree. He's become the "breadwinner" if you will although I still contribute with my savings! I also do 80% of child-care and chores. Long story short, He wanted me and my kids to attend thanksgiving with his family who are located across country and we were supposed to go yesterday (ahead of time to get a rental place). He booked our tickets and everything but later, before the flight I found out that he, his kids and myself were put in 1st class whilst my 2 kids (14) & (10) were put in economy. I was stunned, he acted like it was a no big deal and told us it's just few hours and the kids could "just hang in there for a little while". I asked how he could think this was acceptable and he got mad and said he's the one paying for tickets then we go by his rules. I immediately turned around and took the kids and made my way out of the airport. He started following us screaming at me to go back but I refused and told him that I no longer felt like spending thanksgiving with his folks after this. My youngest cried because she never flew without me. He went with his kids. My and the kids are home. He has not stop calling trying to berate me and even had his mom text that I needed to get over myself and stop teaching my kids to be spoiled and entitled. She said that the fact that I was "willing" to miss thanksgiving with the family over something so trivial shows my real character and personality and mindset or "lack thereof". I have not replied but I feel horrible. AITA, should I have just let it slide and just went? In case I wasn't clear, ME AND THE KIDS LEFT OUR FAMILY/HOMETOWN SO WE COULD GO CELEBRATE WITH HIS FAMILY IN HIS HOMETOWN. My kids weren't too excited leaving their grandparents for a week or so. *Commenter asks the ages of his kids in case they were infants*: 12 & 15. Very close in age to my kids. He says he paid then he decided who get what but he seems to forget that I'm juggling BOTH child-care (yes that includes doing eveeeeerything for his kids) and household chores. While studying as well. So I think that it's unfair to say that just because I don't bring in any money then I don't get to have a say in his decisions. Specifically decisions like this. ***OOP is judged NTA*** **Update (Same Post)** UPDATE I'm currently getting myself and the kids packed so that we go stay with my mother. This has happened BEFORE in other instances but I kept thinking to myself "this is not right but I have invested too much time and effort in this relationship so maybe this shouldn't get in the way"..and I'd try to minimize most situations where I find my kids being put last. Not only that but he tried to give me an ultimatum regarding getting my degree and what was my response? "This isn't right...." but kept making light of it and letting go. Now he's probably badmouthing me to the whole family (and so is his mom, bless her effing heart) The kids and I are leaving, He'll be coming back to an empty home...except he'll find some company with the engagement ring that I took off and left on the nightstand. Distance and some re-evaluation is needed right now. Thank you to all who reached out with helpful input and perspectives. You're right, my kids come first and that's what I keep trying to do and I hope I won't ever fail. Thank you so much for the support. **OOP, I wish you and your kids well. You deserve better.**

AITA for not getting on a flight upon finding out that he put my kids in economy?

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2gohx/aita_for_not_getting_on_a_flight_upon_finding_out/

z2j0qo

Draft rewards are perfect

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boopinmybop

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2j0qo/draft_rewards_are_perfect/

z2n1b9

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why can't some women stay alone and heal instead of going right ahead to fck a good guy's life?

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2n1b9/why_cant_some_women_stay_alone_and_heal_instead/

z2p9xv

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AITA for not getting on a flight upon finding out that he put my kids in economy?

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2p9xv/aita_for_not_getting_on_a_flight_upon_finding_out/

z2qjgh

**I'm NOT OP.** **TW: >! Stalkish !<** **Mood spoiler: >! disappointing !<** **It was originally posted by u/kimbo200 in r/LetsNotMeet** **[A Stranger Knocked on My Door For 20 Minutes](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) - oct 28, 2022** Last night, my (22 F) husband (25 M) woke me up at around 11:50 to tell me that someone has been knocking on our door and ringing our apartment doorbell for about 10 minutes on and off. He woke me so I could possibly ID the person. Once I looked out our upstairs apartment window, I saw the man walking to his car in our apartment parking lot (across the street from our unit). He was wearing blue jeans and a gray T-shirt. He was a medium build, possibly 30 year old blonde man. He wasn't covering his face or anything. But the thing is, he was carrying what looked like resistance bands or rope. He sat in his car for around 3 minutes while I was on the phone with dispatch. Then, he came back to our door and knocked hard for another few minutes. Dispatch advised me that the police were on their way...and they hung up. I started videoing the vehicle, I read out the tag number and make and model and just watched as he put his car in park and reverse over and over again. Out of seemingly nowhere, he backed out of the parking lot and starting rushing away - but not before the officer arrived and pulled him over. My downstairs neighbor knocked on my door and told me that he had been peering into her little children's windows and was pounding on her door as well. She said that her husband had left only ONE MINUTE before he started knocking at her door. She said he saw her children through the window and that's why he continued knocking. Our doors are right next to one another, so he probably didn't know what door he wanted opened. He was watching us as well through our upstairs windows, so I turned all of the lights out and shut the blinds while I called dispatch. The police never contacted us for a statement. I've reached out the dispatch about an update, and I'm waiting to see if any action was taken. We're keeping our eyes peeled to see if he's been following us. I'm replacing my porch lightbulbs with motion detectors and putting bars in our window and door tracks. My neighbor and our families are panicked, to say the least. He was outside for about 25-30 minutes. ​ To the knocking man with bad intentions...let's not meet. ​ **Updates on same post** UPDATE: I am trained in firearm usage, and now live in a state where I can open carry and the background check is really quick. We are going this weekend to get a firearm. My husband will be taking some classes as he came from somewhere where owning a gun is illegal, so he's never handled one. I am still waiting on a call from the responding officer. I have his badge number and name, so if they don't reach out to me today/tonight (he might work 3rd shift), I will call the substation. If they didn't do anything, I will go ahead and make a suspicious persons case for the paper trail. We had no odd encounters last night. HOWEVER... while I was looking at the video I took, I remember that car. I was walking my dog at 8PM a week ago for him to pee, and this car was driving really slow through the parking lot and parked a few spots down from where I was letting my dog sniff. They just sat there with the car running. When I tell you my ears started ringing and I got an awful feeling, I'm not joking. I turned around and went home, didn't give my dog the chance to pee, and shut every door and window. I think this man has been staking out our apartment building, me and my neighbors. I think he wanted to get in where those children are. I'll update more when I have new information. UPDATE #2: It's been a week since the incident. I called dispatch today because I NEVER received a follow up from the responding officer. A Sergeant from the PD called me back to give me more information. He said that they pulled over the man, ran him to make sure there were no warrants, and asked him what he was doing. He told the officer that he was "meeting up with an acquaintance." THE OFFICER LET HIM GO WITH NO FURTHER QUESTIONS. Not only that. The responding officer...is also a Sergeant. I about lost my mind. The sergeant I spoke to today stated that he should have looked into it more, it was obviously an attempt at burglary (sexually motivated and/or with intent to commit a felony). The responding officer is supposed to call me tonight when he gets on duty. I'm livid honestly. Zero due diligence for this case...but there's not even a case. No case number, just a documented police contact. I'll give more info when I have it. FINAL UPDATE: The officer finally called me. Here’s how the conversation went: “Hello?” I answered groggily, it was well past midnight, “Hello miss. I was told you have some questions about an incident a few nights ago.” “Yes, about Thursday. I wanted to know what that man told you he was doing. You know, he was looking in windows and carrying potential restraints. I’m not sure if that was relayed to you.” “I stopped him, ran his tags, and he told me that he was meeting up with a guy from a dating app. He seemed forthcoming and open with his motive for being there,” “Meeting up with-wait. He was meeting up with someone by looking in windows, knocking on two different doors for 20 minutes?” I was shocked, and still not fully awake. “Like I said, he seemed forthcoming and honest with me,” so was Jeffery dahmer was the first thing that came to mind, “With resistance bands? Like workout bands?” “He had lots of belongings in his car, so he probably just had them in there.” “Right. But bringing them to a hookup? Knocking on multiple doors. He saw the little girls through the window. He waited until my neighbors husband left until knocking. That’s on tape, officer. I checked in with the Apartment management after the incident,” “Well, I’m familiar with this individual, and I’ve been doing drive throughs of your complex to make sure he doesn’t come back. I haven’t seen anything. If you don’t have any more questions, I’ll let you go ma’am,” “Doesn’t make sense to me, but thank you, goodbye” and I hung up. I don’t have much to say, I just feel so icky about that conversation. Nothing new has come of the situation, I haven’t seen the man or the car. My mind is blown at the lack of follow up or due diligence. I live in a suburb. It’s not a busy one either, the PD has a small jurisdiction. Guess I’ll have to protect myself. **Relevant comments by OOP:** (**************************************) [1.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/iu8m7fh?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)True, knocking isn't illegal, but looking into windows is a criminal act. To add: They let him go. The whole police encounter was less than 15 minutes. It takes much longer if they were to detain him. That's why I'm trying to figure out who he is/what he told the officer. (**************************************) [2.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/iu8nmdb?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3).The reason why I think this isn't the case for my situation: He was knocking on both doors simultaneously, and peering in windows. He was carrying what could be used as restraints. He saw me calling 911 through our window, and continued to knock. He waited until my neighbor's husband left, and then one minute later started knocking. I don't think he was trying to steal something because ALL of our lights were on. I sleep with a side lamp until my husband comes to bed. He had the living room lights and his light on in his office. My neighbor keeps her front windows well lit as well for security. Almost all other units around us are dark at night. Why pick the building with the lights on and people awake inside? My guess, he was going to rush us if we opened the door. He was knocking persistently until we got annoyed - and would open it to confront him. (**************************************) [3.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/iu8ovzv?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)Yes, in my state we have peeping tom laws and it is illegal to peer into windows. He walked up and put his hands on their window to look in. Here's some legal info about the PC647 (the peeping tom law): A first offense carries a penalty of no more than 6 months in county jail and/or a fine of up to $1000. A subsequent offense, though also a misdemeanor, carries up to one year in county jail and/or a fine up to $20002. This also applies if you were peeking in on or invading the privacy of a minor3. To prove that you violated PC 647(i), the DA must prove beyond a reasonable doubt each of the following elements of the offense: You wandered, delayed, prowled or lingered on the private property of another person While you had no authority, consent or other lawful purpose to be on the property And looked into, or peeked, into a window or door of an inhabited structure or dwelling on that property (**************************************) [4.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/iu8mn9i?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)Just asked my husband. He said when he went downstairs (our front door is downstairs) and looked through the peephole, he couldn't see the man. Sounds to me like he was hiding on our front porch area. My neighbors door is right next to mine. They told me that they didn't answer because he was peering into the little children's windows. (**************************************) **Reminder - I'm not the Original Poster**

A Stranger Knocked on My Door For 20 Minutes

INCONCLUSIVE

It_hurtsss

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2qjgh/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/

z2t7yp

[removed]

OOP - My sister married my abuser. Now she's passed, my mother wants me to take in her 3 children.

CONCLUDED

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2t7yp/oop_my_sister_married_my_abuser_now_shes_passed/

z2tr82

*\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/aitamilgirlfriend*](https://www.reddit.com/user/aitamilgirlfriend/) *in conversation with* [*u/holyshitisthisajoke*](https://www.reddit.com/user/holyshitisthisajoke/) *in* [*r/AmItheAsshole*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) ​ # AITA for messaging my boyfriend’s ex? [[LINK - AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/aita_for_messaging_my_boyfriends_ex/)] - May 30, 2020 # Throw away because I’m pretty sure people involved have Reddit. I (25f) have been dating my boyfriend (30m) for about a year. Before me, he had a relationship with a girl for about 5 years and lived with her. From what he told me he joined the military and they tried to make it work. He never went into details about why the broke up, just that it was for the best and it was mutual and that they’re on good terms. So with them being on “good terms” they are still friends/follow each other on all social media. Some of his mail still sometimes end up there so she’ll text him if it looks important and he’ll say whether she should toss it or forward it to him. He also left a decent amount of stuff behind after he moved out because she has mailed him things she’s found before. One day before the shutdown she calls and says she got a juror summons in the mail for him and they are on the phone for a solid HOUR about this. I thought this was super rude but whatever. I asked why she couldn’t just forward it to him and he told ME to shush! So they get off the phone and I asked why he shushed me. And he said he was trying to listen to what she was saying. I asked if he suggested to her what I said about mailing it to him and he said no. I asked if she even knows about me or if he’s trying to hide me from her. He asked where that even came from. Clearly they’re still friendly so I feel like she should know me. He told me it doesn’t matter and that he’s sure she does since they’re still friends on FB The other day we were with his friends and he mentions how he wished he would have remembered to get his poker table from his old apt. I said how we should ask her for it. He laughed at me and said there’s no way he could ask her to ship it but if HE’S in the area visiting he might call and ask to see if she still has it. I lost it. I asked why only HE would be visiting and why I couldn’t meet her. He asked why I wanted to. I told him she doesn’t even know I exist and she should so she knows her place. He said I was crazy and told me I need needed to grow up. He said if I don’t let this go then we’re over I decided that he was wrong and she did need to know who I was I messaged her on FB and she read my message but didn’t respond. I sent another saying that I deserved some respect from her as bfs current gf and I’d appreciate a response. She reads it and still no response. Turns out she screenshot and sent it to my boyfriend asking why I was messaging her if he wanted something. He showed up at my house asking why I did that. He seemed calm so i figured it was fine and told him that I needed her to know and this way we can get his things. He blew up and said I was making problems where there wasn’t any. I said he was choosing her over me. He said he couldn’t be with someone who created a drama and broke up with me. I think he’s being dramatic and I doubt this break up is going to last. AITA for messaging her? ​ *Verdict: Asshole* ​ *Few of OOP's comments:* ​ >[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscm99o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) She lives on the east coast and we live on the west. So a casual meet up wouldn’t have been able to happen And I certainly didn’t want to be her friend. I wanted her to know I was with him now. > >He said he thinks it would be weird to introduce us since they aren’t close. But she still texts him about his mail so clearly they are. > >[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscmuej/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) My first message wasn’t rude and super polite which was I was offended she didn’t respond. Then I was rude and then she sent screenshots instead of talking to me. > >[3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscncvw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Because I’m the current girlfriend. If anything she should text me about the mail instead of him out of respect. > >[4](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscntkh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) How is it not my business when I’m his girlfriend? He should be completely transparent and honest with me and that includes letting her know where she stands > >[5](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscon9t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Ugh, it’s about respecting the relationship. And if he would have told her about me I wouldn’t be a stranger. ​ # The Ex-GF replies 6 hours later [[Comment Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fsdrr9v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)] - May 30, 2020 ​ HOLY SHIT. SO HI IM THE EX GIRLFRIEND literally just chilling, a bottle of wine deep when a friends forwards this to me and is like “is this Lindsey?” HI LINDSEY. IT’S JENNA. MIKE’S EX GIRLFRIEND I don’t even know where to begin. I’m flabbergasted. For people who may be wondering, or for Lindsey.... Mike and I broke up because he up and joined the military without so much as a conversation, for a “life long dream” he has without ever once mentioning it the four years we were together prior. Trust was a little shaken, but I tried. Fun fact about LDR’s, distance is just a giant freaking magnifying glass on the problems/issues you overlooked and when he came back the last time we decided “nah we good” and broke up. He moved most of his shit out (currently regretting not fighting for him to take it all or being mean enough to just put it out with trash) We’ve been broken up for 3 years and I’ve texted him THREE times. (I guess until the screenshots) Once about a letter that looked important and wasn’t. 2 times to mail shit to him. Only phone call made was prior the world shutting down to let him know about a juror summons. WHICH HE COULD HAVE HAS A WARRANT FOR NOT RESPONDING???? So for all the people who think it’s shady we’re so close still. WE AINT. We’re still friends on Facebook so yes Lindsey, I knew about you since you post and tag about four pictures of you together A DAY. Also kind of surprised you went this route simple because when we were together he was obsessed with reddit. So I’m sure he’ll see this at some point. Don’t worry not going to screenshot. Clearly that got me in trouble. Honestly though Lindsey, can you blame me for not responding? Well I guess so. Sorry to disappoint guys but the dummy put a lot of super detailed stuff in the message so putting it out there would totally dox him and that’s not cool for him. Or me really I guess. Or her. Basically she thought throwing his rank at me meant I HAD to give the poker table back. I must respect someone of that rank and in turn her because she supported him into that rank so basically they were both ranked that. HELL NO I WASN’T RESPONDING TO THAT LEVEL OF CRAZY. Had he called me and said he was in town and wanted to grab the things and you showed up, I wouldn’t have thought twice cause we weren’t going to have a god damned picnic. But I’ll tell you what, you better not show up anywhere near my house. Also, screw you for doing this cause now Mike needs someone to “vent to” and I AINT THE ONE. Go say sorry to ya man’s and put this shit to bed. EDITED TO ADD the phone call was MAYBE 15 minutes and I had to have been on speaker because you WE WHINING SO DAMN LOUD about needed attention and you were hungry and bored. I did offer to mail it but he said it would be faster for the info over the phone. YA CRAZY ​ # OOP Responds 2.5 hours later [[Comment Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fse5pnq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)] - May 30, 2020 How nice of you to finally want to have an adult conversation where it’s public and you can make me look bad. I don’t care why you broke up, he clearly chose me and I figured reminding you of his rank would remind you of the respect we both deserve. I tried messaging you on fb again but you blocked me which is really immature of you. It must be nice that he’s talking to you about our problems. I’m sure you’re loving that. You would think since you don’t like “drama” you would have stayed out of our relationship but I guess not. I am going to give him his space and hopefully work this out over the next week or so. Nobody throws away an almost year relationship with someone that loves him as much as I do. Grow up and have a nice life Jenna ​ ​ *\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster*

OOP asks if she is TA for messaging her boyfriend's ex

CONCLUDED

ShakeThatTushy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2tr82/oop_asks_if_she_is_ta_for_messaging_her/

z2uhqe

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/throwawayyyy2324 **in** r/relationship_advice *OOP has since deleted their account.* *This was previously posted here more than a year ago.* ​ trigger warnings: >!sexual abuse, cheating, fetish!< mood spoilers: >!infuriating/exasperating and sad - esp last update!<   [**Found (F29) hidden folder on husbands (M33) phone with pictures and videos he secretly took of his former secretary (F21) + UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ocwvbn/deleted_by_user/) **- 3rd July 2021** Hi everyone, not a native speaker so apologies in advance. Married since 3 years, in a relationship since over 5 years. After a long academic journey we are both at the start of our careers and being pretty successful doing so. Recently bought our dream house together and simply enjoying the few years we got left to do whatever we like since we’re planing on having kids in a couple of years from now. Our relationship feels (felt) to me like it’s made to last forever. We’re sharing the same values, same humor, same goals. Also we where both old and experienced enough to tell it’s not just puppy love but or anything like that. We both share pretty much open phone policy which just came natural (sharing pictures, simple grabbing the next device available to look something up etc). We both own iPhones and I recently stumbled across the possibility to mask/fade out (sorry, I don’t know the exact term) pictures and they will only appear in special folder. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa that caught my attention concerning his phone. So last Monday, when he went for his swim training, he left his phone at home and I went for it. What I found was beyond every expectation I’ve had. I thought maybe I would find some random porn or even pictures of his ex or something like that. I found pictures and (slow-mo)videos he took in the office over a span of a few weeks of his (now) former secretary. She is a 21 year old pretty attractive girl. He recently got a new job and the pictures started around the time he knew he would quit his old job and therefore probably wouldn’t see her again. The pictures mainly focused on her ass, her legs, her heels. There were also saved profile pictures of hers from social media. Then there was something else which I still can’t or don’t want to believe: one series of pictures shows her ass in a tight dark jeans with some fresh/wet stains of something that looks like sperm on it. (He kinda has a fetish for anything that has to do with girls getting messy with sperm in porn and/or RL). I felt and feel shocked and can’t think of anything else since I found that Pandora’s box. I did not talk to him about it yet. He’s not suspecting anything even though I could not act around him “normal”. Him asking what’s wrong I told him I don’t feel very well due to my period (which is also true by the way). So please share your opinion about it. How should I approach this? Should I even approach it? Is this normal behavior? Has anybody experienced something like that? Thank you for your support. EDIT: first of all I want to thank you all for caring so much. Regarding your comments I feel the need to add some more context. He spoke to me about her regularly when he told me from his day at work - she was his personal secretary/assistant. They also talked private stuff but nothing inappropriate. More like small talk (what did you do over the weekend stuff like that). At least he told me so. BUT he always liked trying to make me a little bit jealous. Seemed to be a turn on for him. He tried so by telling me ‚innocent‘ things about other girls that were obviously attractive. Like ‚she has new nails which look way better now‘ or ‚today she dresses a little bit inappropriate for work‘ He always did so with a smile. And of course I knew what was going on and what he was up to. And of course he (in retroperspective) talked about her in that way. Most of the time it did not bother me since I was sure it would be something childish he needs for himself. Most of the time I wouldn’t even react. He has no social connection to her anymore - not in social media not in real life. The only connection/contact they do still have is their phone numbers. She sometimes has to reach out to him to ask for some work related stuff, since not all of his cases/projects have been finished when he left the job. He openly tells me about that when there was contact. Seems/seemed normal to me. What I don’t know is, where he has the social media pictures from. I looked it up, they are not connected via Instagram or Facebook and her profile is set on private. He doesn’t use any other social media as far as I know. Some of the pictures were WhatsApp-Profile-pics others probably not. That makes me wonder a little bit. Maybe I should try and hold myself back for a few days and see if the folder is updated regular. What do you guys think? Also I feel the urge to check on his other devices but did resist so far... EDIT: I’m overwhelmed with your responses. Certainly did not expect so much feedback and so much sympathy. Some responses even brought tears to my eyes... I’m pretty collect right now although I think it’ll be another sleepless night. I have a plan. I need to find out since so many of you suspect there is more to it. Tomorrow he will be at work while I’m working from home. All of his devices expect for his phone will be here. I will look at them, I simply have to know. I know this could backfire but I’m being totally egoistic here. He lost his right of privacy the moment he took pictures of this young lady (by the way, I met her a few times when I was visiting him at work and she is a true sweetheart...). I’m getting angry writing this at the moment. I will find out and will save the evidence and confront him. I will keep you guys updated. Should I keep on editing this post or start a new one? (I really don’t know since I’m pretty much new to this active posting thing). EDIT/UPDATE: Good morning everyone. Right now I’m sitting in front of his computer (MacBook Pro which is connected to his phone). He’s at work an will return in about 4 hours. I have absolutely no clue how and where to search for evidence. I’ve always used windows my whole life. I know some of you might not wanna be a part of this but if anyone could provide some help - e.g. where to find the photostream - that would help me a lot. For anybody wondering how I’m doing: didn’t sleep a lot, feeling empty at the moment with my heartbeat going very fast. Of course he noticed. He was caring (he always is) and I tried my best acting it’s all due to my period plus migraines. Thanks for your support. UPDATE I’m shocked ! Calling my sister now. This is too much to handle for me. UPDATE: Sorry for letting you guys wait for so long. Now I’m sitting here at my sisters house spending the first night without him for years. It’s about 10 pm here in Europe if you wonder. After one of you guys told me about the photos app on Mac I opened it. It was a mirror of his phone and then some... There is as the hidden folder with all of the spy-pics. Also there was an album by the name of her initials. It was the single most disgusting thing I ever saw: He took pictures and videos of himself ejaculating in prepped food in a Tupperware while obviously being in his office bathroom. A few pics later she was eating her lunch at the office right out of that Tupperware, pictures of him coming into a coffee or on cookies... you can imagine the rest I think. Besides that I found dozens of pics and videos of her from social media which all seem to be screenshots or screen recordings (i don’t even know if this is word). I have absolutely no idea where he got these from since they are not connected officially on any social media. I already commented that I decided to call my sister who come over immediately. I was in a total state of shock and showed her everything. She was my rescue. She told me to go grab an external harddrive and took a copy of all that shit while I was packing my bags for the next few nights. We left before he got home. His laptop was still open with also the album open when we left. About 2 hours later he tried to call me like a 100 times. My sister took the phone once and told him to stop it in a very explicit manner. He wrote and is writing me messages constantly to come home and took about everything. We could fix this, he needs my help and stuff like that. I didn’t answer. Not a single word. I’m just sitting here crying most of the time and feeling like the biggest idiot of all time for falling to a guy like him. It takes the floor under my feet. It scares me not knowing what comes next, not knowing what to do tomorrow and how to deal with all of that. I also think that I should contact her - it’s too much. I would appreciate your advice here. He is a lawyer, the city we live in is his hometown. His career would be over for sure of this happens to become public. I don’t think he could ever recover. And for myself, I would always be his woman, the poor wife...   [**UPDATE - 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/oe1wz6/deleted_by_user/) **- 5th July 2021** Hello everyone, I want to keep you guys updated and also ask for your further advise. I decided to talk to him and give him the opportunity to explain this whole thing from his perspective. Not that I had any hope but a confrontation was unavoidable anyway. So yesterday on Sunday we met at our house - it is also my house! I told him my sister knew I was here and she would call me in about one hour to confirm I’m ok. I have to mention I had no fear concerning violence or something like that, anyway better safe than sorry. When I arrived he initially was very reserved and observant. I acted calm and distant. We sat down and he said nothing. So I told him not to waste my time and to say what he had to say. He then asked me what I think I found and I couldn’t help but respond that I found out he was a sexual criminal and that I will report him to the police. That probably was a mistake. His mimic changed and he told me this would be a very bad idea and may result in some serious trouble for me. He claimed he had an affair with his former assistant for quite some time and this whole sperm/food-thing was just a game/bet between them. The bet was he would make her eat his sperm before he left the job. The pictures would be the proof and he already showed her all of them to win the bet. He said it was just a kinky game between them. The other pics of her ass etc were also taken consensual. At least she knew about it. So he told me there was nothing illegal going on and if I would go to the police this would be ‚wrong suspicion‘ performed by me. Also nobody would believe me anyways cause it would clearly be an act of revenge from the betrayed wife. Last but not least he would know the chief prosecutor personally (which is true). So if I went to the police I would only make a fool of myself and also probably commit a crime. At that moment I couldn’t think straight anymore. I reacted emotionally rather then think rationally. I lost it and told him to go out of the house... it got ugly. The result was, he actually left the house. I had no idea if and when he might come back and also felt very uncomfortable in the house. I then packed a few more things and went back to my sisters house where I’m planning on staying for the week at least. Today I called in sick at work. Now I’m no fool and of course I see him being a lawyer trying to protect at least his career by claiming it was all consensual. He knows me very well and he knows our relationship was over the moment I found the pictures. I’ve always been very strict and consequent in former relationships and he knows that. On the other hand his claim could be true. I think I’ll contact a lawyer as I need one for divorce anyway. EDIT: I had to call her. We will meet in about 2 hours in a café next to the office. She seemed surprised but not concerned. For your context: we already met a few times when I was visiting him at the office and casually spoke a few words. So I’m no stranger to her. I will drag some of the photos on my phone to show her. This whole thing feels so unreal but if I wouldn’t do it, the feeling of not knowing and not being able to do something until next week when I meet my lawyer would be to hard to endure.   [**UPDATE - 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/oeqrnp/update_found_f29_hidden_folder_on_husbands_m33/) **- 6th July 2021** When she arrived I could already see by her mimics she had no clue what was going on and why I asked her to meet me. This turned out to be true. First thing I asked her was, if he contacted her within the last couple of days. She denied. I had a feeling she was telling the truth. A 22 year old girl (I asked her for her age) could not have lied to my face this calm and collect, I think. So I told her I found very inappropriate and disturbing photos of hers on his phone. I showed her some of the spy-pics on my phone and asked her if she knew or noticed about that. She reacted completely irate. The pictures I showed her were ‘normal’ ones so nothing about the really gross part just yet. I asked her about their relationship and his behavior towards her. She initially said everything was ok and normal and most of the time he used to be very polite. But she added that towards the end of his job he used to approach her very often and talked to her about personal topics such as her relationship-status. One time he made up a fictional scenario where he said he would ask her out if he wasn’t married. When she replied to him she would have said no in that scenario because she would want to separate work from private life he acted offended and talked her into saying yes. I felt ashamed for his behavior and apologized for him. Then I told her that there would be something else which I needed to inform her about. I told her about the other pictures involving the food. I didn’t plan to show her the pictures but she really really wanted to see them. I showed them to her and she literally nearly threw up. She was in a state of shock. It broke my heart so I sat next to her and took her hand. I told her I’m by her side and will support her whatever she plans on doing. I told her I already left the house and will divorce him. I couldn’t help but started crying seeing what he’s done to that lovely girl. I asked her if she wanted me to accompany her on her way home but she said it was ok, she went by car. She will talk to her family and certainly report him and also file a lawsuit against him. At least that’s what she said. I feel so incredibly sorry for her it breaks my heart. At the same time I feel so angry about him and still hope this is just a nightmare. Hopefully I did the right thing. ​ [**UPDATE - 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/opbtqz/deleted_by_user/) **- 22nd July 2021** One day after I met her, she must have gone to the police and reported him. Two days later I received a call from a police officer who asked me to show up at his office and bring the pictures I copied with me. Of course I went there and handed them to him (I still own another copy though). He asked me if I wanted to testify (correct word?), but told me I didn’t have to cause he is my husband. I agreed and told him everything I know, how I found out, how I contacted her… The very next day the police called me again and asked if I was at home. A couple of hours later, four policemen, my husband and a prosecutor showed up at our house. My husband handed them all electronic devices, hard drives, old phones, usb etc. They also searched through our house for hidden ones but, as far as I know, didn’t find any. My husband told me he was currently living in a hotel room and said he would come back later to get some clothes and other belongings if that was ok. I agreed but told him I wouldn’t be there. He said we need to talk, but he will not pressure me and give me time and space. He said he loves me and the whole thing looks more ugly than it actually is, it just got a little out of hand. To be honest, I would have loved to punch him right in his face and/or scream at him but I couldn’t say a single word which was probably better anyway. On that afternoon he obviously got some stuff out of the house and when I came back, his keys would lie on the table next to a printed e-mail from a craftsman who would come a few days later to repair something with the garage door. Ever since I’m alone at the house and really nothing has happened. I gotta be honest here, I cancelled the appointment I originally had with my own lawyer concerning divorce. It’s not that I’m having an illusion everything will eventually turn good. I just don’t feel ready for it. It’s been a little too much for me lately. I will proceed as soon as I find some energy. That’s about it. He did not contact me, not a single word. Even though I’m in constant contact to my sister I feel pretty lonely and sort of depressed. Also I’m a little scared alone at the house. We’ve had some pretty bad thunderstorms lately at nights. From what I’ve read in the previous comments there was a discussion about where I’m from - actually put a smile on my face getting so much attention. It’s Germany. So one of you guys just won a Waschmaschine 😄 ❤️ ​ [**UPDATE - 4**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/pxeifs/deleted_by_user/) **- 29th September 2021** Since my last post from r/relationship_advice got removed after a few minutes I decided to post my latest - and probably last - update here. Hello everyone, I’ve received lots of messages asking for updates so I decided to post one. I know a lot of you guys will be disappointed and that’s ok. It was a very though time, lots of emotions, fights, tears, sleepless nights but eventually he is my husband and I’m his wife - in the good times and in the bad. We are giving it another chance. I will not explain every detail that lead us to this point but I will say it was not an easy decision to make. We had very good conversations, he really opened up, took care of my feelings and really didn’t pressure me. I know what he did was wrong. Of course he knows that as well. But saying it was all his fault wouldn’t be fair. She is not that innocent girl I thought she was. Of course I blame him for falling for her but she must have made it though for him and in the end he is only human. I know what victim blaming is but that’s not the case here. Again, I will not go into details, but she knew exactly what she was doing. She knew how he likes womans dresses, shoes, nails etc. She must have been flirty with him from day one which is for almost three years now. I couldn’t even blame a man for getting weak, certainly not for finding another valve. She is not an angel. Probably most of you guys will now consider me weak and - best case - will tell of he was gaslighting me… feel free to do so, it’s ok. In the end it’s my life, my marriage, my shoes to walk in. For the criminal proceeding: he reached a deal and paid a fine. The money will be received by charity. There was no court proceedings. To this point she didn’t sue him, which I think speaks for itself! Anyways I still love you guys and I’m very thankful for all the support I received. ❤️ EDIT: I feel the need to explain a little bit more on my decision. I married him knowing all of his kinks and fetishizes. I knew the typical pornstar look is his thing: big boobs, big ass, small waist, make up, full lips, fake lashes, fake nails, plastic… you guys know what I’m talking about. Now throw in her fulfilling most of these cliches: big boobs, big ass, small waist, all dolled up, lashes, nails, high heels running in and out of his office, taking care of him always n a good mood, laughing… She is a smart and confident girl. She knew exactly how she was triggering a 30y/o man. She knew he had her WhatsApp - he showed me her profile pictures changing on a weekly basis. Hell, even I think they are sexy. Not saying she deserved what he did, but I now understand that dynamic and what her appearance, having her around all day, did to him and how it must have triggered him. When I was her age, I knew exactly how to manipulate a man sexually. I’m sure most women do, she definitely does. He decided not to cheat on me, not to start an affair. He just chose a wrong exit. He could and should have talked to me. That was the mistake he made cause together we would have found a way. I’m not prude, not religious and I don’t hate other women, but women shouldn’t act surprised they force a reaction in men looking like a pornstar. In my experience, men around the age of 30 are nothing deferent than a 15 year old boy in the middle of puberty. That combination was toxic. TL;DR I gave him another chance, she’s not an angel   ​ **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Found (F29) hidden folder on husbands (M33) phone with pictures and videos he secretly took of his former secretary (F21) + UPDATES

REPOST

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2uhqe/found_f29_hidden_folder_on_husbands_m33_phone/

z2uquh

**I am not OOP**. Original was posted on r/AusLegal by u/OperationTaken. Dates are listed are Australian as it was posted in an Australian subreddit. Content Warning: >!Child Kidnapping!< Mood Spoiler: >!It all works out in the end!< **Original** [**Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: 3 November 2022** My ex-wife and I are from the UK and have a 6 year son. We've been separated for nearly 3 years and split custody 50/50. My ex's boyfriend is a welder and recently moved to Perth on an employer-sponsored visa. She had the audacity to ask me if she could take my son and move to Perth with him. I said she was more than welcome to go, and I'd take full custody of my son here. She didn't want to leave him so asked if she could take him on a 2 week holiday to visit the boyfriend instead. I said no, suspecting that she wouldn't come back. Well, a couple of weeks ago she picked him up from school, got a taxi to the airport, and flew to Perth. She didn't tell anyone what she was planning, and his school phoned me the next day asking if he was ill. She messaged me when they landed to let me know what she'd done. I've been in contact with the police both here and in Perth but haven't really got anywhere. She's claiming it's just a holiday but I've been to her flat and she's got rid of nearly everything. No idea if she booked return flights but I know she's gonna try and stay out there. So I managed to get the boyfriend's new address and I've booked a flight to Perth leaving this week. I've booked a return flight for me and my son at the end of next week, and booked myself into a local hotel for the week. My plan is to get my son, get his passport, and bring him back to the UK. She's committed a crime by removing him from the UK without my permission, so I'm not expecting a lot of pushback. Plus she's free to come back to England and resume our 50/50 custody arrangement. I haven't discussed this plan with anyone (I think the element of surprise will be useful) but I feel like I'm on pretty solid ground legally. The main thing I'm worried about is getting his passport back, but even if I can't then at least I'll be with my son! I've never been to Australia before so I'd love to know what legal issues I should to be aware of. I have my son's birth certificate, which I'll be bringing with me. Thanks! **Relevant and helpful comments** [**Comment One**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/iuo9zxk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) There are arrangements between the UK and Aus (iirc) to assist in this kind of situation. Talk to your lawyer, you might be able to sort this out without kidnapping a child and landing in trouble yourself. You’re probably quite desperate right now, but this is a terrible idea. >I'm not kidnapping a child. I'm bringing a kidnapped child back home. I can't let this drag out for months/years without seeing my son. [**Comment Two**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/iuo6p66/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) Bad idea. Play the smart game in Court. Two wrongs don’t make a right. >Is it two wrongs though? I see this as righting a wrong. [**Comment Three**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/iunsodg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) Whilst she committed a crime in the UK, that doesnt make it directly okay for you to just come and forcefully take the child back. Police will likely not want to touch the situation here or will side with the mother out of default. This is a very complex legal issue as it stretches across two countries. If she’s willing to just take your child half way across the world without telling you, what makes you think she will surrender them to you with no drama? You’re much better off reporting this to the relevant authorities in the UK, letting it be known on the custody record (that she’s committed the crime of leaving the country) and fighting to have your son returned full time. I understand you just want your child back but you’re about to make a very heated and bad mistake here. >I get where you're coming from but I've never been away from my son for this long and she won't even let me facetime with him. She'd like nothing more than to drag this through the courts for months/years while she gets 'settled' and he forgets about me. I just need to nip this in the bud and bring him back from his 'holiday.' > >If she kicks off and somehow stops me from leaving with him, at least I'll be near him and can fight it from Australia. It's not like I'm abducting him - I'm just a dad bringing his son back to the only home he's ever known. She knows exactly where we'll be if she decides to ever come back. [**Comment Four**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/iuo5ift/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) Be very very careful. I would consult with a lawyer in the UK before you do anything. Your actions now, although she’s done wrong can harm custody as well. A lawyer will tell you the best way to go about this. Maybe once you touch down in aus you need to consult another lawyer. Then you can get the help of police. Coming in guns blazing, no matter how much you want to isn’t the way. **OOP’s update on original post** EDIT: I'm gonna speak to a solicitor before I go. Thanks for the advice. [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/ywqlho/update_heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: 17 November 2022 (two weeks later)** A few people have messaged me asking for an update to my previous post, and I want to offer my thanks to the users of [r/AusLegal](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/) who talked me out of making a huge mistake when I was at the lowest point in my life. As suggested I got in touch with a solicitor and we had a Zoom call where she explained the \*Hague Convention on child abduction\* and talked me through the court process. Thankfully my ex has no family in Australia so the solicitor was confident that a court would order them to return to England. She also laid out the legal consequences for my ex if we went down this route. She asked me to think about how I wanted to proceed and we agreed to speak again the next day, but I phoned my ex that night and explained (as calmly as possible) what was going to happen if she didn’t bring him back. She had a full-blown meltdown over the phone and after some back-and-forth she admitted that she’d split up with the boyfriend and was living with my son in a tiny studio apartment. It’s still not clear to me whether the boyfriend had actually asked her to move to Perth with him, or whether she’d taken it upon herself to ask me in the hope that he would. When I said no they agreed to break up as he was planning on being out there for at least a few years. Once he’d gone she missed him so much that she had a moment of madness (her words) and just stopped paying her rent, sold all her furniture, and used the money to buy one-way plane tickets for her and my son. I don’t think she even told the boyfriend what she was doing, and arrived to find him sharing a small house with some work colleagues and no room for her or my son. They ended up having a huge fight and splitting up (again) but the boyfriend gave her some money to rent a tiny studio apartment for a month. She hadn’t let me speak to my son because he would have told me what was going on. Fortunately she let me speak to him for the first time in 3 weeks. I can’t overemphasise how little she’d planned this - she was on a standard 3 month tourist visa despite her plan to stay there permanently. She hadn’t told any of her family, the school, her work, her landlord. Just booked a plane ticket and buggered off. She had about $100 left and basically no idea what to do. In the end I transferred my return flight ticket into her name and she flew home with my son last week. I met them at the airport then dropped her off at her parents’ house, and I’ve had my son full time since then. I also have his passport now. He thinks he’s been on a slightly unusual holiday. I’m not sure what’s going on with my ex - they’ve FaceTimed a couple of times but she hasn’t seen him in person. Her parents live about an hour away and she doesn’t drive, but she knows where we are if she wants to see him. In the coming weeks I’ll formalise our custody arrangements through the courts. So thanks to everyone who told me what a huge mistake I was making and everyone who messaged me with practical advice - I can only imagine what might have happened if I’d gone to Perth in the state I was in. **\*REMINDER: I am not OOP\***

Heading to Perth to get my son back

CONCLUDED

EliraeTheBow

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2uquh/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/

z2vi58

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/chancecreator in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for telling my stepdaughter to stop using period products in the bathroom she shares with my teenage sons?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h0a45w/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_stop_using/) - 10 June 2020 I have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. She’s 19, almost 20, and I have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. She’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, I really enjoy having her around. My wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. My stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. All four children share a bathroom. My sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. They had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them. My eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which I think is reasonable. My sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display. A few nights ago I went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. My wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so I took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. I told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet. She laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which I thought was just an unnecessary attack. I’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. My sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. She went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which I think is just an excuse. I called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what I say goes. I later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me I was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. When I told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep. This is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. I asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. Both of them have told me to stop being so silly but I don’t see how I’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. AITA? Verdict: YTA **UPDATE:** Not even two hours after I posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and I and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, Powerpoint and all. It was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. My sons and I learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. Thank you for your input   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling my stepdaughter to stop using period products in the bathroom she shares with my teenage sons?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2vi58/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_stop_using/

z2vnfy

I'm not OOP, OOP is u/geoManas12 (first post, deleted) and u/BigODay (update) Trigger words: Infidelity # [First Post (15.11.2022, deleted)](https://www.unddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yw8qlx/im_on_my_way_to_f_my_sisters_one_true_love/) According to her he is her one true love. She couldn’t have him so she decided that she will only ever f around. One of them? my fiancé. I know her one true love. I have met him a few times. Now I know why he never wanted her. She is a piece of shit. I contacted him and told him everything and asked him, no begged him, to help me hurt her back. He didn’t even hesitate. Only problem is that he lives 1200km away and can’t leave town. So now I’m on a train in my way. I will send her a picture of myself in his arms. Just venting. I don’t want to hear that it takes two to tango or that two wrongs doesn’t make one right or that I’m as shitty as she is or that revenge won’t take away the hurt. I know all this. I don’t care So keep your judgment for yourself thanks! # From the comments: >Redditor1: You must be the more attractive sister if there was no hesitation. Nice > >OOP: He said he couldn’t believe a sister would do this to a sister. Plus he could probably sense my desperation and men rarely say no to no strings attached > >Unfortunately my sister is the hot one in our family. She always been, so no. He is f ing me out of pity. > >Redditor2: There is a reason he is agreeing (very quickly, I may add) to sleeping with you and not your sister. Don't doubt your self. Plus, your sisters vile behavior and personality make her less attractive to anyone with a brain. ​ >Redditor3: I am curious how you found out about your sister and fiancé getting together. > >OOP: My friend lives near my sister and she texted me to come by. I was confused so she texted that she thought I was in the neighborhood since she saw my fiancé car outside of my sister’s apartment. It was odd since he told me he was with his dad. So i went and caught them. ​ >OOP: If my ex care or not care is so irrelevant. I honestly don’t care about his opinion. He disgusts me and there is no love left for him to care if he cares or not. > >As for my sister. She will care. Because I know her. I know her feelings about this guy and I know how this will hurt the shit out of her. # [Update (15.11.2022): I have now f my sisters "one true love" and all hell broke loose](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yxb3qx/i_have_now_f_my_sisters_one_true_love_and_all/) And I did not know hell was this awesome! I'm sorry I deleted my account but this is a new throwaway. I'm not a Redditor so I thought I could just reactivate my account if I wanted to make a new post. To those who remember me from yesterday, you know my story for those who don't I have saved a screenshot that you can read. What I want to say is that I won't be repeating my story. I unblocked my ex-sister and ex-fiance and I started sharing insta stories about my journey up to my ex-sister's "one true love". When I met him I was so embarrassed. So so embarrassed. It just hit me how silly I was being. He was very sweet however and had planned a nice evening, he showed me around his city and we ended up eating at his favorite Thai restaurant. I love Thai and he said he knew that. Remember when I told you he did not even hesitate? Well he told me that this was not the first time this had happened. I remember my ex-sister when she was in her early 20's (btw I'm 32, ex-sister 27, ex-fiancé 32 and "one true love" 31), she suddenly cut all contact with her bestie since kindergarten. When we asked her about it, because they were inseparable, she said that they just grew apart and that bestie always been jealous of her. Turned out ex-sister had slept with bestie's boyfriend and bestie caught them. "One true love" was very close friends with bestie and he knew all this...... So this is her kink I guess? Anyway we went back to the hotel room and we talked almost all night. I shared a picture in his arms with his tattoo showing and I didn't need to wait for long for a reaction. She has probably called me 100 times and texted me all kind of stuff from profanities to pleading to anger to pleading again to begging to apologizing. I read every single one of her texts. It was cathartic. Mom and dad are really pissed with me but that's nothing new. We did the nasty before he went home to change and go to work. I'm staying here for the rest of the week. Back home on Sunday. # From the comments: >OOP: yes, I'm here until Sunday. > >Ex fiance is very pissed too and asked me to come home. But then today he texted me to F off and never contact him again (like I was gonna lol) and that my sister is way hotter and better than me anyway and that I will die bitter and lonely. I haven't answered yet. maybe wont either. > >I don't know how he knew that I love Thai. He, saw it on my instagram I guess. I make a lot of food posts lol. > >Redditor: I bet your ex sister typed that on ex fiancé’s phone… ​ >Redditor: Have your fun girl!!! Was it good girl? Share the ☕️☕️☕️☕️ > >OOP: For a first time, with someone I barely know YES! GOD YES! > >Redditor: Was it physically good or just the implication of it all? Or both > >OOP: physically. I honestly got my revenge with the pictures I took and wasn't sure we would do anything. But he stayed over and one thing led to another. I must admit that I find his willingness to be there for my pettiness HOT! We are meeting later after he gets off work but this time in his apartment not the hotel. ​ >Redditor: why are your parents pissed at YOU because you slept with a man that doesn’t even talk to her or like her? SHE slept with YOUR fiance… should your parents not be pissed at HER for betraying her flesh and blood? that’s so weird. it’s giving golden child > >OOP: I don't know actually, mom is crazy tbh but still I wasn't expecting backlash from my parents after what she did. I will talk to them once I'm back. ​ >OOP: tbh, I haven't talked to my parents yet so they could have gotten a very different version from ex-sister, or it's the same old favoritism because she is the younger. > >No she never dated OTL, but my parents know about him and my sisters crush on him or at least mom knows ad she tells dad everything. > >Redditor: Do they know sis slept with your fiancé? > >OOP: yes because I texted mom the next day after I caught them. > >Redditor: With this information, I wish they would be in your side. *Again, not OOP. The consensus of all users is that we wish her all the best, are amazed at her A-level revenge game, and hope that she will end up in a relationship with OTL. I mean, he knew her favorite food, and was ready to help her out the moment she asked him - who else thinks he may have been low-grade crushing on her all these years? Marked as ongoing, because we're hoping for another update.* \######### NEW UPDATE ######### Thanks for notifying me, u/GeekyFreak07! ######### # [New Update (24.11.2022)](https://www.reddit.com/user/BigODay/comments/z3uxjq/update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Hi again! I will take my chance and make an update here since I literally got 30+ requests to make a new update. Please tell me if it is not allowed. It is still off my chest though so it should be allowed. Before the update I want to thank you all for the support. Unfortunately, I have spoken to my parents now and they don't believe me. My ex-sister and my ex-fiance totally denied the affair, and even when I caught them on my sisters couch. Half naked. With ex-fiance's face somewhere it should never have been. They say I was the cheater and fabricated this whole thing. My parents believed her. I told then about the ex-bestie and how it really went down between her and ex-sister but they didn't believe me either. Ex-sister had "evidence" that I was sleeping with her OTL (thank you for the one who coined this expression btw) thru my IG stories but I had no evidence to provide, about what I saw when at ex-sister's that day and my words seem, I don't know, not good enough. Anyway mom said that she loved me anyway but that she will need time to forgive me because I hurt the two people I was supposed t love the most. Dad is of the same mind. Ex-fiance has asked to meet and talk and to explain multiple times but I won't give him the time of day. Everything I've ever felt for him is gone. He irks me just the thought of him makes me want to vomit. So that's the update. I'm a bit saddened by my parent's reaction but I can't say that I'm surprised. thank you again for the support. ​ **From the comments:** >\-sukari-: You could go talk with your ex-fiance, secretly record him talking and “explaining” and then you would have evidence to show your parents. It won’t undo the hurt and that they don’t believe you, but maybe it would be another “fuck you” towards your ex-sister > >OOP: oh I love this idea ​ >lulu21142114: Also, how did things go with the rest of your time with OTL? Are you guys still in touch? > >OOP: oh i forgot to ad that. yes we are still in touch. mostly texts. he is coming here on Christmas ​

I’m on my way to f my sister’s “one true love”

ONGOING

Corfiz74

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2vnfy/im_on_my_way_to_f_my_sisters_one_true_love/

z2wcvq

[removed]

I want my new job but how can I survive?

ONGOING

Middlechildproblems7

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2wcvq/i_want_my_new_job_but_how_can_i_survive/

z2xw2i

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra-stuffeddog in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!animal cruelty!< ---   [**My (20s) parents (50s) are constantly feeding my overweight dog and ignore and downplay my concerns. I'm at the end of my rope.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o0ja6c/my_20s_parents_50s_are_constantly_feeding_my/) - 15 June 2021 My dog is supposed to be 18-22kg. She has never reached that because my parents constantly give her food. At her lowest she was 25 kilos but the feeding has stepped up dramatically since then. I have told them not to do it until I'm blue in the face. They make excuses and keep doing it. I have linked them resources telling them how much a dog of her breed should weigh - they say "she's a big dog, she should weigh more than that." Next week is a vet visit. I know I will be blamed for her weight even though I only feed her her designated meals, because she's my dog and I'm responsible for exercising her. I'm terrified to exercise her more because I'm afraid that will encourage them to feed her more and then I'd be wasting hours each day. I agreed on a low calorie, healthy treat (blueberries) they could give her as much as they like, but they're still constantly giving her other treats, offcuts, and leftovers from lunch. My parents have a terrible history of this - they refuse all my attempts at compromise and then, when I put my foot down, tell me I'm a terrible person who never listens to them. It's because it's the ONLY way they're forced to listen to me. I am going to take my vet aside privately before the appointment and tell him to go hard on the weight loss angle. I'm also going to hide and dispose of all dog treats, but that won't stop them feeding her from the fridge. I'm going to keep her shut away during meals so that they are discouraged from leaving portions for her, but again, that won't stop them from feeding her straight from the fridge. I'm losing my mind. I'm so frustrated that I'm close to tears and I recently gave up for a while because I was so frustrated that I was seriously worried I was going to start screaming if I addressed it for the ten millionth time, and it's only because I'm hopeful that the vet can help me push for it that I want to try again. They never listen to me. What can I do? (Moving out is currently not an option due to financial reasons, but I hope to be able to afford it by late next year.)   [**[UPDATE] My (20s) parents (50s) are constantly feeding my overweight dog and ignore and downplay my concerns. (LONG)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/obe4f1/update_my_20s_parents_50s_are_constantly_feeding/) - 1 July 2021 I posted asking for advice because my parents were overfeeding my dog and completely ignoring my concerns. The update is mostly good, but also sad because of mentions of animal abuse and my own history as to why moving out was not an option for me. My dog went to the vet today. The first thing I did was ask the vet through the nurse (social distancing due to COVID meant I couldn't speak to the vet face to face) to write up a fact sheet/letter/report on how much she should weigh, risks, etc, for me to show my parents. The vet is currently writing it up. Due to my dog's other issues (more on that later), I had to go home while they sedated her for a blood draw and when I was at home my parents were in the room when I asked the vet how much she weighed. So they were also present, and snapped up quickly, when I went "Bloody hell!" I knew she was overweight, but she was way worse than I thought. Up to the moment I took her they were saying she was fine - when I told them the actual number (almost as high as when we got her) their jaws dropped. My Dad, the worst culprit, quietly went "oh." I came to write this after my mother snapped into action making a diet plan. The treats have been thrown out. Giving doggo table scraps is completely banned - my vet is going to recommend a special low calorie brand of treats especially for dogs losing weight, and she will get one a day at most. My parents are now 100% on board with the necessity of her weight loss. In fact, they're so gung ho I keep having to remind them that the vet stressed that it needs to take 9-12 months, and that losing the weight too fast could cause serious damage. She needs to lose at least 20% of her body weight. They're now seriously freaked out that they ever could have believed she was a normal weight, and are relieved and optimistic that she's going to get the treatment she needs. On to other stuff - This bit is tetchy and will piss people off, but too bad - I explicitly asked for advice other than "move out". If moving out was an option, I wouldn't need to effing ask the internet for advice! But since so many people ignored that request and were outright hostile, fine - I was seriously ill throughout most of my 20s, and was in bed 23 hours a day when I was at my worst. I am actually 29; I didn't share my exact age because I knew people would be judgemental that I'm this close to 30 and still live with my parents. I didn't share my history because I didn't want people to focus on that to the detriment of my dog. I wanted advice on how to help my dog, not get on my feet. I already know what I'm doing in those regards - I am almost done with my degree and have recovered enough that I'll be working full-time in the new year. I will be doing an unpaid internship with my father over the summer to add to my atrocious resume, which has almost nothing on it after my illness. *This takes time. I cannot just up and leave and it would be irresponsible to myself and to my dog to do so, and I don't even know yet that my health issues won't relapse*. I am finding out more in an appointment in two months. I know that if I added my entire backstory to the post some jackasses would STILL hurl abuse and insist I was making excuses and tell me to just get a job. As if I'm that stupid it never occurred to me! I could only afford it with a roommate - and I'd be putting a potential roommate in danger, as I'm about to discuss. Here is the sad part - rehoming my dog was also not an option, and here's why. My dog spent the first three and a half years of her life tied up on the porch of an old man with dementia. She was regularly beaten with his cane. She spent part of that time locked in a cage; the grandson who passed the dog on to us did not say how many weeks or months she was in the cage 24/7, but he found mountains of poop in the cage with her. He said he got rid of the cage as soon as he found out about it. I hope he did. And that was just the abuse he was willing to admit happened. We suspect it was worse. To this day we don't know why the fuck he didn't take the dog away from his grandfather sooner, and once ownership was transferred he ghosted completely. But she's an incredibly traumatised dog, and when her owner was put in a home she was going to be put to sleep. She was incredibly aggressive when we got her, but had enough presence of mind she never drew blood. She's finally at the point where she actively seeks out affection from my family, but it took a long, LONG time. My parents have adopted rescues before and in the beginning, her aggression was so bad that we were all seriously considering letting her be euthanised. The only reason we didn't was because she never drew blood when she bit, and the trainer we worked with said that was promising, and she started showing signs of improvement very quickly. She has gone from biting (without drawing blood) several times a day to snapping without contact about once a month. I don't know how to explain how she both showed improvement right away, yet has taken so long to get to where she is, but anyone who's had a reactive rescue probably understands. The improvement never stopped, but she was such a mess that it was like climbing Mt Everest by starting in the Mariana Trench. She was supposed to be my parents' dog - but she's mine because she decided she should be. She chose me very early on because I adapted to her the fastest and she felt safest with me. Everyone kept trying to pat her and that freaked her out, but I was the only person who ignored her, so she started following me around. She only started cutting the apron strings a few months ago. Rehoming her is not an option because she is so traumatised that I will not make it worse through rehoming her, even if I found someone who can handle her (which would be a miracle in itself, considering we were the only ones willing to take her when she was basically on death row). I would sooner put her to sleep than put her through that. I am not going to put my dog to sleep because she's fat. The saddest part of the update - because of her trauma, we were all worried as to how the vet visit would go. It went worse than we feared. The vet gave her a double dose of sedative (the most he could give her without overdosing) and she was still fighting them, and he could not do the examination we all wanted without risk of endangering her and his staff. He refused to manhandle her in any way because he knew it'd worsen the trauma, but we're all pretty sure she's very traumatised regardless and will relapse for a while. He did his best and I'm thankful none of the staff, or my dog, were hurt. It might have gone better if I was there, but with our city locked down it wasn't an option. I wish I'd put it off instead of letting it go ahead without me there, but I didn't think it'd be that bad. I'll never let that happen again. She has had a hard life and though the worst may be over - though she cuddles and fusses over us with rare outbursts now - her life will always be hard. The medication that helps her aggression will eventually damage her kidneys and liver, and even with deconditioning the vet said she might always need it. She will never be okay with strangers, she will never be friendly to them, and she'll always have at least a couple of outbursts a year. I will never, ever let her near children, and I'm glad I'm aromantic asexual because I couldn't have a partner while I have her. When she's old enough that the long term issues from her weight, if it were to stay the same, started surfacing - she'd probably have to be put to sleep once she started going downhill, because any condition that would require more than one or two vet visits at a time would be incredibly traumatic. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been kinder to have let her be put to sleep instead of taking her. But her eyes are so bright nowadays, and she's happy, though not yet healthy, and I'll give her the best life I can with the time we have together, and with my immediate family she's become so affectionate. With my parents now on my side to help her lose the weight, I'll have more of it with her, and she'll only get happier. The biggest reason why my parents kept feeding her, I think, was because they were so excited that after over a year of distance, she was finally approaching them and asking for affection. The more they fed her, the friendlier she got. She hasn't been aggressive with them since the first few months where she'd bite without drawing blood, although she snaps without making contact about once a month, but for a long time she just ignored them completely. It had been so long since they had a dog that wanted their love as much as they wanted to give it that even though I was disappointed they kept feeding her, I understand why they did it. To everyone who gave me the advice I asked for, who trusted that I had my reasons for not just leaving and respected that I didn't want to focus on that - thank you, deeply and sincerely. You helped an owner who missed out on her twenties, and a very damaged dog who's enjoying her happy ending, and will soon have the physical health to make the most of it. DM for dog tax, this story is identifying enough already.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (20s) parents (50s) are constantly feeding my overweight dog and ignore and downplay my concerns. I'm at the end of my rope.

CONCLUDED

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2xw2i/my_20s_parents_50s_are_constantly_feeding_my/

z31dyh

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/snoomacaroons7686 in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihnydy/aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her_native/) - 27 August 2020 Title isn't as bad as it sounds. My (35m) wife (32f) is Welsh and I am English, but if you get right down to it we're both British anyway. She's always been kinda funny about identifying as Welsh and not British no matter how many times I tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol. I'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. First of all she insisted that our daughter have a Welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. I have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time. The only primary school in the area is a Welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through Welsh. This is fine I guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue. The issue is that my daughter has started speaking Welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. I asked her to stop, but my wife said I was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak English too?? It's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it. My wife said I'm an asshole because I agreed to raise our child bilingually, but I was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak English because it's all around us. She speaks English and Welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. It's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. What happens when she goes to university in English? My wife says I should get lessons for Welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but I really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak English? AITA for wanting my child to speak English?? Verdict: YTA EDIT: Okay, but now my wife is making my sleep on the couch while she "thinks about our relationship". Am I still the asshole when she's willing to disrupt our child's life BECAUSE I WANT MY CHILD TO SPEAK A LANGUAGE EVERYONE SPEAKS EDIT: I'm okay with her learning Welsh, just not speaking it at home all the time. It's stupid having a three way conversation when people aren't speaking the same language, but my daughter insists on using welsh. EDIT: I'm not gonna answer questions that ask me why I married my wife. I married her because I love her. End of. Edit: Going to bed. Some comments have given me some insight and I cant ignore all the YTA posts. I thought maybe it was just the Welsh being at it again, but well there's more of you calling me an asshole than there are welsh speakers 😂 I'll have a think and a chat with my wife tomorrow. Edit: I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping ill be honest. Might have something to do with me being 100% an asshole to my wife and daughter. A lot of mixed feelings. How do I explain that I still *feel* like I'm right but I know now that I'm wrong? We live in the countryside and it's been hard with lockdown. I couldn't work, and I was surrounded by all the Welsh in my home without any English outlet of my own. I was wrong and very bitter, and used those bitter feelings against my own family. I'm going to tell my wife that I'll get welsh lessons and I plan on couples counselling for us so that I can properly work through my shit. I'd like to say thank you to everyone who helped me grow up and see that my daughter was more important than my childish, selfish reasons. I was so fucked up; unwilling to learn because I was already behind. And I'd like to thank those who shared their stories of learning Welsh. My daughters name is Megan for the people asking. EdIT: my wife insists that we pronounce Megan the Welsh way! It sounds beautiful but she gets annoyed that my family pronounce jt like southerners Edit: diolch un fawr I pawb a nos da Edit: if you've seen [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihzmof/aita_for_speaking_with_my_daughter_in_a_language/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) it's fake. Just someone looking for karma   [**UPDATE AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irwg3q/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her/) - 13 September 2020 So I posted about 2 weeks ago looking for your judgment. It took a while, but I agree with it. Some develops have happened since then so I thought I would update:- 1) I admitted to my wife I was being an asshole and was ready to learn welsh. I've been using duolingo and sitting down with my daughter and wife while we do my daughter's homework. My wife still laughs whenever I say Llanelli, but here we are. 2) I showed my wife the AITA post. She said I was a complete dipshit, but she cried and admitted she has been excluding me on purpose in the hopes that I would learn Welsh if she did it enough. I explained how it made me more resentful and I had almost left her because of it. We're going to go to couple's therapy. 3) She told me that I need to tell yanks who pretended they could say "Llanfair PG" to "cachau bant" and "cau dy ceg". They were some of the first words I learned in Welsh so they can be yours too :) 4) I sent my dad a message telling him to ask my mother if she can start pronouncing Megan the way my wife wants it. Megan likes it the Welsh way too and faux-vomited when I asked her if she liked the way Nana said it. My mother hasn't said anything, but my wife and I taught Megan to tell her "Nana, I like my name said like this" when my mum says it wrong. We'll have to see where this goes, since my mum has said in the past that she won't pronounce it like a "sheep-sh*gging pleb". I will be putting my foot down if she starts. 5) There was someone who pretended to be my wife on another post. I reported it and it got taken down. I did not make my wife sleep on the couch that night lol. Just some sad person creating made-up drama. 6) My daughter and I managed to get a 5-star island on Animal Crossing. Not relevant, but we managed it this week! Have a nice day and cheers for your help. EDIT: For everyone who keeps asking about pronouncing Megan in a Southern Welsh dialect [this guy explains](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irwg3q/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her/g543lr3/) the difference. If you want to hear how it's said then I suggest the first lesson in Duolingo!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home?

REPOST

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z31dyh/aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her_native/

z33skz

[removed]

AITA for refusing to attend my sisters wedding because of her fiancé?

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z33skz/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_sisters_wedding/

z33vou

[removed]

AITA for refusing to attend my sisters wedding because of her fiancé?

CONCLUDED

Kevinrealk

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z33vou/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_sisters_wedding/

z39a3q

[removed]

AITA for calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample"?

ONGOING

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z39a3q/aita_for_calling_my_wife_unreasonable_for_backing/

z3ak5n

Capitalism died with the phrase "too big to fail". The entire planet is an oligarchy with an enslaved workforce gaslit with shiny plastic things.

INCONCLUSIVE

maddawwg2020

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3ak5n/capitalism_died_with_the_phrase_too_big_to_fail/

z3azwu

[removed]

(18F) Dad just told me to never ask him for anything

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Odd_Chemistry_8860

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3azwu/18f_dad_just_told_me_to_never_ask_him_for_anything/

z3b9jm

I was so glad to see an update to this one. **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/throwawayz\_12345](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayz_12345/). Please note that OOP is female if you use gendered language in your comments. She posted in r/AITA and then posted the update on her profile. I don't believe there are any trigger warnings, but let me know if you think I should add any. Mood Spoiler: >!great moms, grandparents stay rude!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ysezdy/aita_for_canceling_the_plans_for_thanksgiving/)**: November 11, 2022** I (32f) have been with my wife Ava (34f) for 8 years now, but we’ve been married for 5. She was a single mom of three kids when we started dating, she had two daughters (now 10 & 12) and a son (now 16). I’ve watched these kids grow up, I’ve read the bedtime stories, done bath time, the first days of school, pta meetings, all of it. I very much consider them to be my kids, and they’ve been calling me mom for almost 6 years now. My brother Ivan (28m) just had a baby girl with his fiancé Sara (27f). I love my niece, and my kids adore their cousin. My kids have been the only grandchildren on my side of the family since Ava and I got together, and there’s never been a moment where the kids and my wife were treated like they didn’t belong. My brother is their uncle, my mom and dad are their nana and pop— the kids see my family as their family and I always thought that my family felt the same way about them. The kids and I were over at my brother's house just hanging out, and my parents ended up dropping by with gifts for my niece. Ivan laughed when he saw the toys and told our mom and dad that they were going to end up spoiling her rotten. My mom said since my niece is their first grandchild of course they have to spoil her. My kids were sitting in the living room with all of us and my youngest daughter looked hurt when she realized what my mother said. My son and my 12yo didn’t fully react to it, but I could tell it bothered the both of them too. Sara spoke up and said “oh you mean first grandbaby, not first grandchild.” My dad shook his head and replied that my niece was their first grandchild. I didn’t want my kids to keep sitting there and listening to that so I handed my son my keys and told him to wait in the car with his sisters. When they were gone, I asked my parents why the hell they’d say that my kids weren’t their grandchildren, and my mom said they couldn’t be their grandchildren because they weren’t really my children. My wife and I were going to be hosting thanksgiving at our house this year, but I told my parents that if they didn’t view my kids as their family, then they could just host a meal at their own house with their “real” family while I spent the holiday with mine. I left before they could say anything else to me, and my wife and I have reiterated to the children that they will always be my kids and I will always be their other mom, regardless of our DNA. My brother is pissed at me now because he thinks I reacted too harshly, and that I should try to see where my parents are coming from. My mom texted saying that she and my dad love the kids, but they still aren’t their grandchildren, and she hopes that we can come to understand that because she doesn’t want this to ruin my niece’s first thanksgiving. I haven’t replied back. I meant what I said, but I’m worried that maybe I’m reacting too harshly. ETA INFO: I adopted all three of the kids about 4 years ago, so they aren't just my parents "step grandchildren". Even if I hadn't legally adopted them, they'd still be my kids in my eyes. Edit no.2: * My wife's parents don't have a relationship with the kids. When my wife came out, they pretty much stopped speaking with her entirely. * Their bio dad is not involved and neither is his family. He lost his rights to the children before Ava and I started dating. The 10yo has never met him, the 12yo doesn't remember him, and the 16yo wants nothing to do with him. * My parents wanted the kids to call them Nana and Pop. I didn't make the kids start calling them that. ***Relevant Comments:*** "The worst part of it for me is that they said it in front of them. I'd still be upset knowing they thought it, but the look on my youngest daughter's face when she heard my mother say that just broke my heart. I tend to go mama bear whenever I even think someone has stepped out of line with the kids, so I was worried that maybe I was doing too much in my reaction. My brother still feels like I should talk it out with them, but I don't know that I could forgive it honestly." ​ "I've been out as a lesbian since I was a teenager, but I always sort of had this idea that I'd never find love and settle down. Then I met Ava and those kids and my whole point of view changed, six months into dating Ava, I realized I was keeping snacks in my bag for the kids lol. I guess maybe my parents could've just gotten used to the idea of me never getting married or having a family, but they never made it seem like they weren't happy for me when I told them about Ava and our kids." ​ "They said they wanted the kids to call them Nana and Pop, but I haven't spoken to them since this whole thing happened so I don't know if they still want the kids to call them that. The kids aren't exactly jumping at the bit to see them now though so I doubt they'd call them those names any time soon." ​ *November 12, 2022 Comment* "You can put as much emphasis on DNA as you want to, but at the end of the day, those are my children. It doesn't matter that I didn't grow them myself, that they never came out of me, that they don't share my genetics. They call me their mom, and that's what I am to them. If I ever had gotten pregnant and made a baby myself, I know I'd love that kid the same way I do my other three. Being a mom is more than making a child, it's being there for all the moments after. I'm fortunate enough to have been allowed those moments, and to have been given the title of mother. Yes biology is a thing, and yes I know DNA means a lot to some people, but it doesn't matter to me. It wasn't some happenstance of nature that allowed me to be their other mom. I am their other mom because I chose to be, and because they (and my wife of course) chose to let me. It's not a substitution, because I don't believe that there is one default or "correct" way of creating a family. Even gay penguins are out there adopting each other's eggs. If mother nature has the penguins doing it, I'd argue that my family structure fits the bill of "naturally occurring" just fine." ***OOP was voted NTA*** ​ **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayz_12345/comments/yy9a7e/update_on_canceling_the_plans_for_thanksgiving/)**: November 17, 2022** Hi, I thought I’d just leave you all with an update here since it doesn’t look as though things are going to change any time soon. My wife and I talked with all three of the kids separately and asked them what they wanted to do for thanksgiving, if they wanted my parents there, if they still wanted to see them. My son and oldest daughter have made it very clear that they are mostly upset at my parents for hurting their younger sister's feelings, and they felt that if my parents apologized to her and tried to make it up to her, then they’d be okay with seeing them still. My 10yo took it the hardest out of the three. For her, they’re the only grandparents she’s ever known, and this whole thing really crushed her. My wife and I explained to her (and to all of the kids) that none of this was her fault, that she didn’t cause it, and that we’re both equally her moms and she is equally our kid no matter what DNA says. She told us that she didn’t want to talk to my parents, but that she wanted me to make sure they knew that she wasn’t mad at them, she was just hurt. I called my dad and told him how hurt my kids were by what was said by him and my mom, and that I would appreciate it if they apologized to the kids for being inconsiderate of their presence and their feelings. My dad said that he and my mother never intended to hurt the kids feelings, but they can’t change the fact that those aren’t their grandchildren and that the kids shouldn’t be so upset at the truth. I hung up on him. I know I can’t make them view my kids as their grandchildren, but the fact that both of my parents are being so inconsiderate of the fact that they seriously upset my children just makes this whole thing even worse. I texted my brother and told him that I was sorry if he felt like he was being put in the middle of something, but as a parent my priority is my kids and I won’t apologize for protecting them from what I think will hurt them further. I guess Sara talked to him or something because he apologized to me and said he’d like for his daughter to have thanksgiving with her aunts and her cousins. I did also thank Sara separately for offering my parents and out, and trying to salvage the situation. She’s a total sweetheart and I love her. Thanksgiving is going to be hosted at my house just without my parents there. It’s unfortunate, but like I said, my kids are my priority and I refuse to have them sit at a table with people who can’t even take a minute to show them some empathy or basic kindness. I didn't expect that post to take off the way it did, so I wasn't able to respond to all of you because there were just so many, but I really appreciated all of your feedback and suggestions. **Edit: I saw this made it to** r/all. **A reminder that I am not OOP. Please read the BORU post rules and description if you need more information.**

AITA for canceling the plans for thanksgiving after my parents called my brother’s baby their “first grandchild”?

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3b9jm/aita_for_canceling_the_plans_for_thanksgiving/

z3fx6j

[removed]

Buying a $2000 Bosch microwave was a huge mistake

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seanfish

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3fx6j/buying_a_2000_bosch_microwave_was_a_huge_mistake/

z3j6bm

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/tvoutfitz in r/HomeImprovement** ---   [**Squirrel is now desperately trapped in our ceiling**](https://www.reddit.com/r/HomeImprovement/comments/yveyxe/squirrel_is_now_desperately_trapped_in_our_ceiling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 11/14/2022 Squirrel is now desperately trapped in our ceiling... Over the last week, my wife and I have heard a ton of scratching and rattling coming from the ceiling above our bed. We had an exterminator come by, who said that it was likely squirrels not mice, and pointed out a lift in our roof where the shingles meet the gutter, basically exactly where the noises were coming from. He recommended getting the hole fixed. Flash forward to this morning and I have a roofing company come by who say they deal with this sort of thing all the time. They get up there, open up the hole a bit to make the repair and two squirrels immediately run out from the rafters. They claim to have dropped some spray or a chemical bomb of some kind to scare out any stragglers, then they went about their business fixing the hole along with some other vulnerabilities on the roof while they were up there. My wife gets home just now and is sitting up in our bed, and, of course, she hears the same pitter-patter as before, only seemingly more hastened and panicked. Looks like one of these guys got caught behind enemy lines. I called the roofers back and got a voicemail. The thing is, the hole is three stories up and totally inaccessible without a roofing ladder, and now I'm just trying to figure out if it's better to try to convince these guys to come back and undo their work to let the poor thing out, or if I should try to figure out another way to liberate it like cutting through the ceiling in our bedroom or floor on the top floor in some way. I feel like a jerk cause everything I've read about this sort of situation here and elsewhere warns about making sure you don't trap any stragglers and I emphasized this a bunch to the roofers who are ultimately not exterminators. Not expecting any miracle solution here but any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Update: Roofer called me back. He is coming back tomorrow to see what he can do. At least he feels some responsibility here so there's that. Update 2: Found a very reputable humane animal control company nearby (I live in a big US city and these guys seem to be people for this) and they are scheduled for tomorrow. If/when the roofer comes back today I'm going to see about boring a small hole where the previous access point was to give the squirrel a chance to get free and you know like not die in my ceiling. Then when the animal control company comes we can go about setting a proper trap/one way door etc. It'll be an expensive set of mistakes on my part... but hey at least the economy isn't tanking with record inflation or anything like that.   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/HomeImprovement/comments/yxbv9w/update_squirrel_is_now_desperately_trapped_in_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 11/17/2022 Squirrel is now desperately trapped in our ceiling...the shocking conclusion Hey All -- Wanted to give an update to this post from a few days ago. Really appreciate everyone's suggestions and thoughtful replies. The TLDR of that first post is basically that we had some squirrels hanging in the space between our bedroom ceiling and attic floor, and had their access hole repaired by some roofers. But despite our best efforts, there was a straggler who got trapped on the other side of the new seal. Per everyone's suggestion, I scheduled a visit from a wildlife specialist company (shoutout to ABC Humane Wildlife in the Chicagoland area) for today. In the interim, the squirrel, seeking a new means of egress, wound up falling from that floor in between some studs and ended up trapped in an interior wall on my lower level. My large but ultimately useless cat stood sentry as the squirrel's noises became increasingly desperate and unsettling. I swear, if I didn't know it was a squirrel I would think it was a boar or wounded hyena of some sort trapped in there. What was especially troubling is at this point the squirrel had been stuck inside for over two days, and presumably would die at some point. Fortunately, the wildlife specialist made it in time and two modest holes in the drywall later, he was able to reach in and remove the squirrel. In a final plot twist, the squirrel broke free of his grip, dashed into my kitchen, where the pro had to recapture him using a large net like a dog catcher in an old-timey cartoon. This squirrel was an absolute unit. Like a small raccoon sized squirrel. I was given the choice to let it free on my property or to have it euthanized, but by this point, despite the sleep loss and annoyance and holes in the walls and who knows what else in the joists and studs, I had to respect this king's tenacity. I gave the squirrel a thumbs-up in the fashion of a roman emperor overlooking a gladiatorial melee, letting him run free into my yard with his squirrel friends. Will he back and attempt to re-enter my ceiling? It's possible. But if so, I hope he does so as a friend.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

A Squirrelly Situation

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Optimal-Patience-Cat

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3j6bm/a_squirrelly_situation/

z3lxv2

[removed]

Mother has son arrested due to ex-MIL upbriniging

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throwawaytoreply1

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3lxv2/mother_has_son_arrested_due_to_exmil_upbriniging/