Unnamed: 0
int64 0
162
| conversation_id
stringclasses 18
values | situation
stringclasses 18
values | category
stringclasses 3
values | message_id
int64 0
22
| message_text
stringlengths 22
430
| label_describe
stringclasses 3
values | suggestion_describe
stringlengths 31
274
⌀ | rewrite_describe
stringlengths 58
304
⌀ | label_express
stringclasses 3
values | suggestion_express
stringlengths 40
335
⌀ | rewrite_express
stringlengths 35
395
⌀ | label_assert
stringclasses 3
values | suggestion_assert
stringlengths 14
243
⌀ | rewrite_assert
stringlengths 52
320
⌀ | label_reinforce
stringclasses 3
values | suggestion_reinforce
stringlengths 18
225
⌀ | rewrite_reinforce
stringlengths 10
438
⌀ | label_negotiate
stringclasses 3
values | suggestion_negotiate
stringclasses 24
values | rewrite_negotiate
stringclasses 23
values | username_expert
stringclasses 5
values | label_confident
stringclasses 2
values | suggestion_confident
stringclasses 5
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stringlengths 22
430
| label_mindful
stringclasses 2
values | suggestion_mindful
stringclasses 25
values | rewrite_mindful
stringlengths 27
548
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
0
|
0LADYX
|
At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.
|
social
| 0
|
Excuse me sir but I can't help but notice that you're on your phone.
|
Weak
|
You should describe the problem more clearly here and describe the repeated noise from their phone
|
Excuse me sir your phone is not on silent and you keep getting alerts, I'm having a hard time staying focused with the noise it's making.
|
No
|
Consider including the Express skill upfront to make it clear why you are approaching this person.
|
Excuse me sir your phone is not on silent and you keep getting alerts, I'm having a hard time staying focused with the noise it's making.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
Excuse me sir but I can't help but notice that you're on your phone.
|
Yes
| null |
Excuse me sir but I can't help but notice that you're on your phone.
|
1
|
0LADYX
|
At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.
|
social
| 2
|
Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate if you can.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Negotiation by saying "if you can," is not necessary at this stage, stick to clearly asserting your request.
|
Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate.
|
No
|
Connecting your request to a positive outcome might make the person more likely to agree.
|
Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate if you can.
|
Weak
|
Negotiation by saying "if you can," is not necessary at this stage, stick to clearly asserting your request.
|
Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate.
|
apple
|
No
|
Couching your request in the phrases, "I would like to kindly ask" and "if you can" make it seem like you're unsure that you deserve to make this request.
|
Right. Will you please set it to vibrate? I would really appreciate it!
|
Yes
| null |
Right. I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to vibrate if you can.
|
2
|
0LADYX
|
At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.
|
social
| 4
|
But we're at a library and we're all here to do work.
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
When you use the express skill, you should focus on using 'I statements' and express how the situation you described impacts you.
|
But we are at a library and your constant phone rings distracts me from my work.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
But we're at a library and we're all here to do work.
|
Yes
| null |
But we're at a library and we're all here to do work.
|
3
|
0LADYX
|
At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.
|
social
| 6
|
But we'll still hear the sound of your incoming texts.
|
Weak
|
To make the describe skill more effective, you should include why the behavior is problematic
|
But we'll still hear the sound of your incoming texts and it is disturbing me while I'm trying focus on my work.
|
No
|
Consider using the express skill again here because you can't expect the guest to read your mind or know why the sound of the texts is a problem
|
But we'll still hear the sound of your incoming texts and it is disturbing me while I'm trying focus on my work.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
But we'll still hear the sound of your incoming texts.
|
Yes
| null |
But we'll still hear the sound of your incoming texts.
|
4
|
0LADYX
|
At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.
|
social
| 8
|
You can also feel the vibrations on your phone too right?
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
When using the assert skill, you should clearly state your wishes without beating around the bush or asking rhetorical or indirect questions
|
I would like to kindly ask you to please set it to mute so you donÕt feel the vibration.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
You can also feel the vibrations on your phone too right?
|
Yes
| null |
You can also feel the vibrations on your phone too right?
|
5
|
0LADYX
|
At the library, a guest has the phone on loud and we can hear every time they receive a text.
|
social
| 10
|
Sir please set it to vibrate. If I can hear my phone vibrate, i'm sure you can as well.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
Weak
|
You can strengthen your reinforce skill here by being more clear about how the outcome will positively benefit both you and the guest
|
I am sure if you set it to vibrate, both of us can be more focused on work.
|
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
Sir please set it to vibrate. If I can hear my phone vibrate, i'm sure you can as well.
|
Yes
| null |
Sir please set it to vibrate. If I can hear my phone vibrate, i'm sure you can as well.
|
10
|
0MF2GE
|
I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time. I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
|
social
| 0
|
Hi! So I ordered a Blue Moon but you brought me a Samuel Adams. This is the second time. Is everything okay?
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
Hi! So I ordered a Blue Moon but you brought me a Samuel Adams. This is the second time. Is everything okay?
|
Yes
| null |
Hi! So I ordered a Blue Moon but you brought me a Samuel Adams. This is the second time. Is everything okay?
|
11
|
0MF2GE
|
I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time. I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
|
social
| 2
|
I know it's a great beer. In fact I usually drink that too if there's no Blue Moon.
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
Using the express skill here will help the server understand why this problem is important to you and may motivate them to agree to your request
|
I'm confident I ordered Blue Moon twice because that is the beer I really wanted. I'm feeling frustrated that you brought something else twice instead of telling me you didn't have Blue Moon.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
I know it's a great beer. In fact I usually drink that too if there's no Blue Moon.
|
No
|
Staying mindful means holding your ground and avoiding being distracted by the server's comments about how good the other beer tastes.
|
I'm confident I ordered Blue Moon twice because that is the beer I really wanted. I'm feeling frustrated that you brought something else twice instead of telling me you didn't have Blue Moon.
|
12
|
0MF2GE
|
I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time. I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
|
social
| 4
|
Well I appreciate that. You could have told me that when it happened the first time. Right?
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
Using the express skill would communicate to the server why this situation matters to you.
|
Well I appreciate that. I'm disappointed that you did not tell me that when it happened the first time so I could order something else.
|
Weak
|
Your questions should be directly related to your goal of getting the beer you ordered.
|
Well I appreciate that. But I would like to kindly ask you to bring me the beer I first asked about.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
Well I appreciate that. You could have told me that when it happened the first time. Right?
|
Yes
| null |
Well I appreciate that. You could have told me that when it happened the first time. Right?
|
13
|
0MF2GE
|
I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time. I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
|
social
| 6
|
No worries. Why no Blue Moon? I'm just curious.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
No
|
Consider whether the server's behavior really caused you "no worries," you can be kind and still stay confident in your request.
|
I appreciate your apology. I would like to order another beer since you don't have the one I asked for.
|
No
|
Staying mindful means maintaining your position and avoiding being distracted onto other topics like the beer supply chain
|
I would like to order another beer since you don't have the one I asked for.
|
14
|
0MF2GE
|
I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time. I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
|
social
| 8
|
What other beers do you have?
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
When your initial request is denied or not possible, consider using the negotiate to ask the other person for alternative solutions
|
Do you have other beer that are similar in taste to the one I wanted?
|
apple
|
Yes
| null |
What other beers do you have?
|
No
|
Being mindful means maintaining your position and coming back to your original goal.
|
What beers do you have that are similar to Blue Moon?
|
15
|
0MF2GE
|
I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time. I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
|
social
| 10
|
What about Samuel Adams? They have different flavors.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
The negotiate strategy is often most effective from a self-respect perspective when you ask the other person to generate alternative solutions.
|
Do you have other beer that are similar in taste to the one I wanted?
|
apple
|
Yes
| null |
What about Samuel Adams? They have different flavors.
|
Yes
| null |
What about Samuel Adams? They have different flavors.
|
16
|
0MF2GE
|
I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time. I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
|
social
| 12
|
I'll try the Boston Lager.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
I'll try the Boston Lager.
|
Yes
| null |
I'll try the Boston Lager.
|
17
|
0MF2GE
|
I went to dinner with my friends and a waiter brought me the wrong beer for the second time. I had asked for a Blue Moon but they kept bringing me Samuel Adams.
|
social
| 14
|
I don't have to pay for the other 2 you already got me though right? Because I ordered the Blue Moon but you brought me the other 2 without explaining what the issue is.
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
When using the assert skill, you should clearly and concise in stating what you are asking.
|
I would like to kindly ask you to please bring me the beer I asked for and not charge me for the two you brought by mistake.
|
No
|
Including a positive consequence with your ask increases the likelihood that the person will agree.
|
I don't have to pay for the other 2 you already got me though right? Because I ordered the Blue Moon but you brought me the other 2 without explaining what the issue is. I hope we can resolve this so I can feel comfortable coming back here with my friends in the future.
|
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
I don't have to pay for the other 2 you already got me though right? Because I ordered the Blue Moon but you brought me the other 2 without explaining what the issue is.
|
Yes
| null |
I don't have to pay for the other 2 you already got me though right? Because I ordered the Blue Moon but you brought me the other 2 without explaining what the issue is.
|
18
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 0
|
We have been friends for a long time and I really want to be your best man, however, you can't expect me to pay the entire cost of travel and accommodation.
|
Weak
|
Try to stick to the facts of the situation and not mix in feelings or judgments.
|
We have been friends for a long time and I really want to be your best man, however, I'm feeling stressed because I cannot afford to pay the entire cost of travel and accommodation on my own.
|
No
|
Using express here would help your friend understand why this is a problem for you and motivate him to help find solutions.
|
We have been friends for a long time and I really want to be your best man, however, I'm feeling stressed because I cannot afford to pay the entire cost of travel and accommodation on my own.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
We have been friends for a long time and I really want to be your best man, however, you can't expect me to pay the entire cost of travel and accommodation.
|
Yes
| null |
We have been friends for a long time and I really want to be your best man, however, you can't expect me to pay the entire cost of travel and accommodation.
|
19
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 2
|
When you expect me to pay to fly across the country to be at your wedding, it makes me feel like you don't care if I'm at the wedding.
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
When you expect me to pay to fly across the country to be at your wedding, it makes me feel like you don't care if I'm at the wedding.
|
Yes
| null |
When you expect me to pay to fly across the country to be at your wedding, it makes me feel like you don't care if I'm at the wedding.
|
20
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 4
|
I'm not just a guest at your wedding, I am your best man. I would appreciate if you could help shoulder some of the cost of my flight or accommodations.
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
You could be more specific in using assert to let your friend know exactly how much help you need and also directly ask rather than beating around the bush
|
I'm not just a guest at your wedding, I am your best man. I would appreciate if you could help shoulder half of the total of my flight and accommodations.
|
Weak
|
You could more directly share what the benefits would be to both of you if he was able to help pay for your costs.
|
I'm not just a guest at your wedding, I am your best man. I would appreciate if you could help shoulder some of the cost of my flight or accommodations. I would really like to be at your wedding and I am sure you would be happy too.
|
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
I'm not just a guest at your wedding, I am your best man. I would appreciate if you could help shoulder some of the cost of my flight or accommodations.
|
Yes
| null |
I'm not just a guest at your wedding, I am your best man. I would appreciate if you could help shoulder some of the cost of my flight or accommodations.
|
21
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 6
|
I would be overjoyed to be a part of your wedding if you could find it in your budget to help me be there. It would certainly help ensure that I can be there.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
I would be overjoyed to be a part of your wedding if you could find it in your budget to help me be there. It would certainly help ensure that I can be there.
|
Yes
| null |
I would be overjoyed to be a part of your wedding if you could find it in your budget to help me be there. It would certainly help ensure that I can be there.
|
22
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 8
|
I understand your budget is tight and so is mine. How about your consider it a loan that I repay in kind when I invite you to be my best man at my wedding?
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
I understand your budget is tight and so is mine. How about your consider it a loan that I repay in kind when I invite you to be my best man at my wedding?
|
Yes
| null |
I understand your budget is tight and so is mine. How about your consider it a loan that I repay in kind when I invite you to be my best man at my wedding?
|
23
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 10
|
How about you help shoulder the cost of the flight and accommodations for your wedding and I'll do the same for you for my wedding.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
How about you help shoulder the cost of the flight and accommodations for your wedding and I'll do the same for you for my wedding.
|
Yes
| null |
How about you help shoulder the cost of the flight and accommodations for your wedding and I'll do the same for you for my wedding.
|
24
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 12
|
I really want to be at your wedding, without having to borrow money from someone else, if you could help with my flight or accomodations.
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
|
The argument is hitting a dead end and negotiation can help turn the tables to get the other person's input or generate new ideas.
|
I really want to be at your wedding, without having to borrow money from someone else. Do you have any other ideas about how we can make this work?
|
apple
|
Yes
| null |
I really want to be at your wedding, without having to borrow money from someone else, if you could help with my flight or accomodations.
|
Yes
| null |
I really want to be at your wedding, without having to borrow money from someone else, if you could help with my flight or accomodations.
|
25
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 14
|
Perhaps, you could just pay for my accommodations while there for your wedding/
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
|
The conversation is hitting a dead end so reinforcing the ask with the value of the relationship can help to achieve the goal and also preserve the relationship
|
It would mean so much to me to stand next to you as your best man and I really want to support you as you start this next phase of your life. Would you be willing to pay for my accommodations for me to be there?
|
Strong
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
Perhaps, you could just pay for my accommodations while there for your wedding/
|
Yes
| null |
Perhaps, you could just pay for my accommodations while there for your wedding/
|
26
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 16
|
We have been friends a really long time and you have asked me to be your best man, I'm not just any guest at your wedding.
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
We have been friends a really long time and you have asked me to be your best man, I'm not just any guest at your wedding.
|
Yes
| null |
We have been friends a really long time and you have asked me to be your best man, I'm not just any guest at your wedding.
|
27
|
0QBQJM
|
My best friend is getting married and wants me to be his best man. He expects me to pay for my own flight and accommodations, which are expensive, even though he knows I am tight on money right now.
|
social
| 18
|
I would really appreciate even a small contribution to my cost to be at your wedding, since you made me your best man.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
I would really appreciate even a small contribution to my cost to be at your wedding, since you made me your best man.
|
Yes
| null |
I would really appreciate even a small contribution to my cost to be at your wedding, since you made me your best man.
|
28
|
1OAA3V
|
collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
|
family
| 0
|
you know for sure i hate what you doing, i have warned you several times but you just wont stop it
|
Weak
|
Stick the facts of the situation and try not expect the other person to mind read what you're talking about
|
We have talked about this several times. I do not like you taking money from my bank account without telling me, but you have not made any changes.
|
Weak
|
Clearly express how the behavior makes you and feel and the impact it has on you
|
What you do makes me very upset and the fact that you never change despite my effort talking to you about it makes me feel not respected
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
you know for sure i hate what you doing, i have warned you several times but you just wont stop it
|
Yes
| null |
you know for sure i hate what you doing, i have warned you several times but you just wont stop it
|
29
|
1OAA3V
|
collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
|
family
| 2
|
taking money from my bank account is not the way to go, even if you need money and you do not have it, why transfer money from my account when ever I am asleep, isnt that stealing?
|
No
|
In a conversation that may easily turn into an argument, make sure that you are using description to ground in facts so that you are not making accusations that may increase the defensiveness of the other person.
|
The situation here is that you have been taking money from my back account and my purse without me knowing it. I understand that you are under financial stres sometimes.
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
|
it is important to keep coming back to your ask to keep orienting the conversation back to what you need.
|
The situation here is that you have been taking money from my back account and my purse without me knowing it. I understand that you are under financial stres sometimes. I would like to help you brainstorm ways to deal with that and at the same time please stop taking my money without my consent.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
taking money from my bank account is not the way to go, even if you need money and you do not have it, why transfer money from my account when ever I am asleep, isnt that stealing?
|
Yes
| null |
taking money from my bank account is not the way to go, even if you need money and you do not have it, why transfer money from my account when ever I am asleep, isnt that stealing?
|
30
|
1OAA3V
|
collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
|
family
| 4
|
well you making it sound like we haven't talked about it several time, there is a budget and if you have any expense then fit it into the budget, its much more easier that way but no you don't, you go behind my back to collect money
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
|
This is a good description of the behavior that you would like the other person to change. Remember, always end an assertive statement so that the other person knows what is the appropriate behavior.
|
I woud like you to plan out your expense so that it can fit into the budget, to prevent similar situations from happening again.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
well you making it sound like we haven't talked about it several time, there is a budget and if you have any expense then fit it into the budget, its much more easier that way but no you don't, you go behind my back to collect money
|
Yes
| null |
well you making it sound like we haven't talked about it several time, there is a budget and if you have any expense then fit it into the budget, its much more easier that way but no you don't, you go behind my back to collect money
|
31
|
1OAA3V
|
collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
|
family
| 6
|
you know thats not the only thing, how about how you have left me stranded multiple times by taking out all the money inside my wallet without informing me
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
You can strengthen your use of the express skill by including how these actions and consequences have made you feel.
|
You have left me stranded multiple times by taking out all the money inside my wallet without informing me. If you would stop taking the money without asking, I wouldn't be in these situations where I feel helpless and I would feel less anger and frustration towards you.
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
Using reinforce here would help provide positive consequences for the partner to change their behavior.
|
You have left me stranded multiple times by taking out all the money inside my wallet without informing me. If you would stop taking the money without asking, I wouldn't be in these situations where I feel helpless and I would feel less anger and frustration towards you.
|
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
you know thats not the only thing, how about how you have left me stranded multiple times by taking out all the money inside my wallet without informing me
|
Yes
| null |
you know thats not the only thing, how about how you have left me stranded multiple times by taking out all the money inside my wallet without informing me
|
32
|
1OAA3V
|
collecting money from my bank account without asking and also taking out money from my purse without my consent
|
family
| 8
|
no you not sorry, you have cost me several embarrassment because of that, you take money from my wallet last minute and i leave thinking i have money an when its time to make use of it i always feel shock and surprise with the outcome
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
apple
|
Yes
| null |
no you not sorry, you have cost me several embarrassment because of that, you take money from my wallet last minute and i leave thinking i have money an when its time to make use of it i always feel shock and surprise with the outcome
|
No
|
Being mindful means staying focused on achieving the goal without getting off topic, since the goal is achieved, the conversation should end.
|
Thank you for your apology and agreeing to stick to the budget, talk to me about making transactions, and not taking money from my purse without asking. I appreciate your willingness to change.
|
33
|
24A9KC
|
My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
|
work
| 0
|
Hey, can we talk? We need to have a serious conversation about how you treat me.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Nice assertion of needs! You might try using a gentler opening to reduce the odds of your coworker responding with defensiveness.
|
Hey, can we talk? I'd like to talk with you about our interactions at work.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
Hey, can we talk? We need to have a serious conversation about how you treat me.
|
Yes
| null |
Hey, can we talk? We need to have a serious conversation about how you treat me.
|
34
|
24A9KC
|
My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
|
work
| 2
|
Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you take advantage of my kindness at work. I can't keep helping you with your work while doing my own.
|
No
|
You might want to Describe the situation first so that you and your coworker can start on the same page with facts about the situation.
|
Last week you asked me to do your work for you, which made me feel frustrated. I can't keep helping you with your work while also doing my own.
|
Weak
|
Try focusing more on your feelings - those can't be argued with!
|
I feel frustrated when you ask me to help out with your work. I can't keep helping you with your work while also doing my own.
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you take advantage of my kindness at work. I can't keep helping you with your work while doing my own.
|
Yes
| null |
Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you take advantage of my kindness at work. I can't keep helping you with your work while doing my own.
|
35
|
24A9KC
|
My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
|
work
| 4
|
No. You do this all the time. At first it was just once in a while, now you'll ask me to do your work whenever you don't feel like it. It's not right or fair.
|
Weak
|
Using specific examples helps with sticking to the facts.
|
No. I was willing to help you out when your requests weren't very frequent. You've asked me for help much more often lately, such as [insert specific examples here].
|
Weak
|
Stick to "I" statements when expressing how you're feeling.
|
No. I was willing to help you out when your requests weren't very frequent. You've asked me for help much more often lately, such as [insert specific examples here]. I feel like I'm not getting the same support that I've been giving you, which is making our relationship feel one-sided.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
No. You do this all the time. At first it was just once in a while, now you'll ask me to do your work whenever you don't feel like it. It's not right or fair.
|
Yes
| null |
No. You do this all the time. At first it was just once in a while, now you'll ask me to do your work whenever you don't feel like it. It's not right or fair.
|
36
|
24A9KC
|
My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
|
work
| 6
|
No, it's not right and I do not want to continue doing this. I've come to you first because I walk to work something out between us, but if you continue to use me I'll have no choice but to go to our supervisor and complain. I don't want to do this, but I will if we cannot come to an understanding.
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Try sticking to your personal experience and "I" statements when using the Express skill.
|
No, I don't want to continue to have a relationship with you that I feel is one-sided. I want to work something out between us because our relationship is important to me and I don't want to escalate this situation unnecessarily.
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
|
The Reinforce skill can help remind people that there's a positive side to honoring your request.
|
No, I don't want to continue to have a relationship with you that I feel is one-sided. I want to work something out between us because our relationship is important to me and I don't want to escalate this situation unnecessarily. Please do not ask me to help with your work tasks again. Alternatively, if you ask for help, I'll ask that you help me with something in return. This way we can both have a more positive working relationship.
|
Weak
|
Negotiation can be more effective when presented as specific options and with non-threatening language.
|
No, I don't want to continue to have a relationship with you that I feel is one-sided. I want to work something out between us because our relationship is important to me and I don't want to escalate this situation unnecessarily. Please do not ask me to help with your work tasks again. Alternatively, if you ask for help, I'll ask that you help me with something in return.
|
bear
|
Yes
| null |
No, it's not right and I do not want to continue doing this. I've come to you first because I walk to work something out between us, but if you continue to use me I'll have no choice but to go to our supervisor and complain. I don't want to do this, but I will if we cannot come to an understanding.
|
Yes
| null |
No, it's not right and I do not want to continue doing this. I've come to you first because I walk to work something out between us, but if you continue to use me I'll have no choice but to go to our supervisor and complain. I don't want to do this, but I will if we cannot come to an understanding.
|
37
|
24A9KC
|
My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
|
work
| 8
|
Here is one solution. You do your work and I do mine. You can no longer push your work onto me. I'll help if you really need it, but you will not continue to take advantage of my kindness.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
Here is one solution. You do your work and I do mine. You can no longer push your work onto me. I'll help if you really need it, but you will not continue to take advantage of my kindness.
|
Yes
| null |
Here is one solution. You do your work and I do mine. You can no longer push your work onto me. I'll help if you really need it, but you will not continue to take advantage of my kindness.
|
38
|
24A9KC
|
My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
|
work
| 10
|
So we have come to an understanding? You agree with me?
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
So we have come to an understanding? You agree with me?
|
Yes
| null |
So we have come to an understanding? You agree with me?
|
39
|
24A9KC
|
My co-worker takes advantage of my good nature and sometimes convinces me to do part of their work for them even though I'm busy with my own stuff
|
work
| 12
|
Thank you as well. I'm glad we could work this out between ourselves.
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
Thank you as well. I'm glad we could work this out between ourselves.
|
Yes
| null |
Thank you as well. I'm glad we could work this out between ourselves.
|
40
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 0
|
you know you are my friend and i wont lie to you ever, i just want to say what you doing is wrong
|
Weak
|
Try to avoid using extreme language, like "ever" - this can move the conversation away from facts.
|
You know you are my friend and I don't want to lie to you.
|
Weak
|
Try focusing more on your feelings - those can't be argued with!
|
You know you are my friend and I don't want to lie to you. I want to tell you that the way that you talk to me about your situation with your in-laws has been upsetting to me.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
you know you are my friend and i wont lie to you ever, i just want to say what you doing is wrong
|
Yes
| null |
you know you are my friend and i wont lie to you ever, i just want to say what you doing is wrong
|
41
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 2
|
well you trying to make your husband choose between you and his family is certainly not the right way to go you know
|
Weak
|
Try being more specific with your Describe â examples help!
|
By doing [insert examples], it seems to me like you want your husband to choose between his family and you.
|
No
|
Expressing your feelings in this situation might help your friend understand your perspective.
|
By doing [insert examples], it seems to me like you want your husband to choose between his family and you. This is painful for me to hear because I care a lot about you and your husband.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
well you trying to make your husband choose between you and his family is certainly not the right way to go you know
|
Yes
| null |
well you trying to make your husband choose between you and his family is certainly not the right way to go you know
|
42
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 4
|
but you have always hated them right from the start and nothing they have done have ever been pleasing to you
|
Weak
|
Try being more specific with your Describe â examples help!
|
You expressed frustrations about your in-laws early on in your relationship, like the time that [insert examples].
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
but you have always hated them right from the start and nothing they have done have ever been pleasing to you
|
Yes
| null |
but you have always hated them right from the start and nothing they have done have ever been pleasing to you
|
43
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 6
|
its true, not everyone can cope with your attitude, the problem is you wont admit that you are wrong, you have never been tolerant around your inlaws, you always shun them and you down play everything they do
|
Weak
|
Avoid using extreme language like âneverâ and âalwaysâ â these are easy to argue with.
|
You've struggled with your inlaws in the past, like when they [insert example].
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
its true, not everyone can cope with your attitude, the problem is you wont admit that you are wrong, you have never been tolerant around your inlaws, you always shun them and you down play everything they do
|
Yes
| null |
its true, not everyone can cope with your attitude, the problem is you wont admit that you are wrong, you have never been tolerant around your inlaws, you always shun them and you down play everything they do
|
44
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 8
|
the other day at your birthday, you were very rude to your husbands parent, and you feel they trying to drain your husband financially when you know for sure he cannot abandon his family in their point of need
|
Weak
|
Using non-judgmental language will be more helpful in this situation. Also, try to avoid telling someone else how they think and feel.
|
The other day at your birthday, you acted [insert objective behaviors you observed].
|
No
|
Expressing your feelings and the impact that this situation has on you directly will help keep the conversation on a more productive track.
|
The other day at your birthday, you acted [insert objective behaviors you observed]. This made me feel sad for you and your relationship with them.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
the other day at your birthday, you were very rude to your husbands parent, and you feel they trying to drain your husband financially when you know for sure he cannot abandon his family in their point of need
|
Yes
| null |
the other day at your birthday, you were very rude to your husbands parent, and you feel they trying to drain your husband financially when you know for sure he cannot abandon his family in their point of need
|
45
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 10
|
why not se how selfish and self centered you have become, you forget so soon how your husband parent sacrifice so much when his business was about going bankrupt and safe him from financial ruin, today the table turn and you acting so heartless towards them
|
Weak
|
Try using more non-judgmental language here and focusing on the facts.
|
I can't help but think about how your husband's parents helped him when his business was about going bankrupt.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
why not se how selfish and self centered you have become, you forget so soon how your husband parent sacrifice so much when his business was about going bankrupt and safe him from financial ruin, today the table turn and you acting so heartless towards them
|
Yes
| null |
why not se how selfish and self centered you have become, you forget so soon how your husband parent sacrifice so much when his business was about going bankrupt and safe him from financial ruin, today the table turn and you acting so heartless towards them
|
46
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 12
|
they got you a gift and you had to publicly embarrass them because its not expensive enough to your taste, thats rude and heartless
|
Weak
|
Try using more non-judgmental language here and focus on describing the details - think about what a video camera would see.
|
They got you a gift and you said "This is not to my taste". They seemed embarrassed because of [insert specific behavior, like crying or verbally expressing embarrassment].
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
they got you a gift and you had to publicly embarrass them because its not expensive enough to your taste, thats rude and heartless
|
Yes
| null |
they got you a gift and you had to publicly embarrass them because its not expensive enough to your taste, thats rude and heartless
|
47
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 14
|
you are not being truthful here, i see how you treat people you feel are not in your class or level, you not a very nice person
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Try using more non-judgmental language here and focusing more on your feelings - those can't be argued with!
|
It upsets me when you act this way.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
you are not being truthful here, i see how you treat people you feel are not in your class or level, you not a very nice person
|
Yes
| null |
you are not being truthful here, i see how you treat people you feel are not in your class or level, you not a very nice person
|
48
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 16
|
I am beginning to reconsider our friendship, because who knows tomorrow and how you would treat me, if you can treat your in-laws in such a way
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
Expressing your feelings in this situation might help your friend understand your perspective.
|
I feel concerned about what this means for how you would act towards me moving forward, so I would like to have some space between us in our friendship.
|
Weak
|
Keep your Assert clear and focused on what's happening in your relationship with your friend.
|
I would like to have some space between us in our friendship.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
I am beginning to reconsider our friendship, because who knows tomorrow and how you would treat me, if you can treat your in-laws in such a way
|
Yes
| null |
I am beginning to reconsider our friendship, because who knows tomorrow and how you would treat me, if you can treat your in-laws in such a way
|
49
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 18
|
you treat your maid like a slave, you have had to hire several maid because they kept on quitting, and same goes to everyone that ever worked for you, you not a good person and you should change starting with your In-laws
|
Weak
|
Avoid using extreme language like âneverâ and âalwaysâ â these are easy to argue with.
|
There have been other times that seem similar to this, which makes me think that there's a pattern. For example, there have been several times that your maids have quit and they stated to you that it was because of how poorly you treated them.
|
No
|
Expressing how you feel about this situation will help keep the conversation on track and focused on your relationship with your friend.
|
There have been other times that seem similar to this, which makes me think that there's a pattern. For example, there have been several times that your maids have quit and they stated to you that it was because of how poorly you treated them. This makes me feel concerned about how you might also treat me.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
you treat your maid like a slave, you have had to hire several maid because they kept on quitting, and same goes to everyone that ever worked for you, you not a good person and you should change starting with your In-laws
|
Yes
| null |
you treat your maid like a slave, you have had to hire several maid because they kept on quitting, and same goes to everyone that ever worked for you, you not a good person and you should change starting with your In-laws
|
50
|
2HA2UP
|
my friend has been having family problems with her inlaws of which she has bee on the wrong but wont admit and try to reconcile with her inlaws
|
social
| 20
|
I feel you should apologies to your in-laws and your husband as well, you should change your character as in whole, try and be nice to people more often
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Keep your Assert focused on your relationship with your friend and try to avoid using judgmental language.
|
These patterns of interacting with people have negatively impacted me. I want you to be kinder towards me, such as [insert examples here].
|
No
|
Remind your friend of the benefits that would come with honoring your request.
|
These patterns of interacting with people have negatively impacted me. I want you to be kinder towards me, such as [insert examples here]. That would improve our relationship and would make me want to do nice things for you more often as well.
|
No
|
Try providing an alternative for your friend when you make this assertion.
|
These patterns of interacting with people have negatively impacted me. I want you to be kinder towards me, such as [insert examples here]. That would improve our relationship and would make me want to do nice things for you more often as well. The alternative option is that we take some space from one another.
|
bear
|
Yes
| null |
I feel you should apologies to your in-laws and your husband as well, you should change your character as in whole, try and be nice to people more often
|
Yes
| null |
I feel you should apologies to your in-laws and your husband as well, you should change your character as in whole, try and be nice to people more often
|
51
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 0
|
what exactly happened to my car the other day you took it out?
|
No
|
You and your friend might not agree on the facts. It is important for you to be on the same page.
|
Yesterday when you took out my car, you returned it with a dent in the door. You did not tell me that anything happened when you returned my car. The auto shop quoted me at $100 to fix it. I want you to be honest with me that you damaged my car. I also would like you to pay for the costs of the repair.
|
No
|
If you friend knows how you feel about the situation they might responding better by giving you what you want and being more empathic.
|
Yesterday when you took out my car, you returned it with a dent in the door. You did not tell me that anything happened when you returned my car. I am hurt that you did not tell me this happened. I wish you would have told me about it. The auto shop quoted me at $100 to fix it. I want you to be honest with me that you damaged my car. I also would like you to pay for the costs of the repair.
|
Weak
|
Split the assert into its two separate components (the admit goal and the reimbursement goal) and be very clear with what you are asking for.
|
I want you to be honest with me that you damaged my car. I also would like you to pay for the costs of the repair.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
what exactly happened to my car the other day you took it out?
|
Yes
| null |
what exactly happened to my car the other day you took it out?
|
52
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 2
|
dont call that minor, my bumper fell off when i took it for a ride and when i take it to the mechanic there were series of fault which wasnt on the car before you took it out
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
I don't think there should be an assert here at all - stick to your original assert, not a new one of asking them to change their language.
|
There is more than just an additional little scratch on my car. The bumper fell off and, when I took it to the mechanic, there were series of fault which wasn't on the care before you took it out.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
dont call that minor, my bumper fell off when i took it for a ride and when i take it to the mechanic there were series of fault which wasnt on the car before you took it out
|
No
|
Don't let your conversation partner throw you off your goals, be mindful of what you are asking for and stick to it like a broken record.
|
My bumper fell off when i took it for a ride and when i take it to the mechanic there were series of fault which wasnt on the car before you took it out.
|
53
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 4
|
how rude of you to say such nonsense, i trusted you with my property and then you misuse it, my tires are all worn out, dont know the kind of stunt ride you took my car for
|
Weak
|
Misuse is not specific. You and your friend might have different ideas of what it means to misuse a car. Replace that word with the specific details you are unhappy with.
|
You returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it. There are scratches and dings that were not there before you borrowed the car, and the bumper is falling off.
|
Weak
|
Don't attack your friend, they are likely to get defensive and less likely to give you what you want. Instead, talk about how you feel.
|
I feel hurt that you don't believe me when I say you returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it.
|
No
|
Remember to ignore the attack by your conversation partner: "you're being too paranoid." What is your goal in this situation? It's to get them to tell you what happened to your car. Be a broken record and ask them to give you this information.
|
I feel hurt that you don't believe me when I say you returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it. There are scratches and dings that were not there before you borrowed the car, and the bumper is falling off. I would like you to be honest with me about what happened, and to help pay for the repair.
|
No
|
It is important to give your friend a reason to give you what you want. They are clearly getting defensive, so this might help ease them into being more honest with you and considering paying for the repair.
|
I feel hurt that you don't believe me when I say you returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it. There are scratches and dings that were not there before you borrowed the car, and the bumper is falling off. I would like you to be honest with me about what happened, and to help pay for the repair. I won't be mad and we can talk about how to prevent this and improve communication in the future.
|
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
how rude of you to say such nonsense, i trusted you with my property and then you misuse it, my tires are all worn out, dont know the kind of stunt ride you took my car for
|
No
|
Stay mindful of your goals, even when you get frustrated with your friend, defensive, feel attacked, etc.
|
I feel hurt that you don't believe me when I say you returned the car in different condition than when you borrowed it. There are scratches and dings that were not there before you borrowed the car, and the bumper is falling off. I would like you to be honest with me about what happened, and to help pay for the repair. I won't be mad and we can talk about how to prevent this and improve communication in the future.
|
54
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 6
|
really, same car i regularly take for mechanic check up, there were mud in the engine compartment, like where did that come from
|
Weak
|
Stick to the same describe you gave in the beginning, as your friend is changing their story up.
|
You told me that there was a minor scratch on the car that wasn't there before you borrowed it.
|
No
|
Let you friend know how you are feeling. It lowers their and your own defensiveness.
|
First you said you returned it with a minor scratch. Now you are saying nothing happened to my car. I am feeling a bit confused. Can we get straight on the facts? When you returned my car there were scratches and dents, the bumper was falling off, and there was mud in the engine compartment. None of these things were there before I let you borrow my car.
|
Weak
|
The assert came off as argumentative and judgmental in tone. Might be better as "How did mud get in my engine compartment?" But in general I would suggest stating this as a fact and sticking with your original ask.
|
There is mud in my engine compartment, which was not there last time I had it checked with the mechanics. If something happened, you should just admit it.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
really, same car i regularly take for mechanic check up, there were mud in the engine compartment, like where did that come from
|
No
|
Stick with your original goals, use emotion regulation skills to help.
|
First you said you returned it with a minor scratch. Now you are saying nothing happened to my car. I am feeling a bit confused. Can we get straight on the facts? When you returned my car there were scratches and dents, the bumper was falling off, and there was mud in the engine compartment. None of these things were there before I let you borrow my car.
|
55
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 8
|
my drive way is concrete and there was no such thing as rain
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
|
Let your friend know how you feel about how the conversation is going. This will help you stay mindful and increase the chances of you getting when you want.
|
I feel hurt that you are telling me I am imagining things. I take good care of my car and know its condition well.
|
No
|
I can see the ask in here! Great job. Where in here do you see judgmentalness creeping in? Can you state your ask differently?
|
really, same car i regularly take for mechanic check up, there were mud in the engine compartment, like where did that come from
|
No
|
People need reasons to give you what you want. Your friend might be worried about the impact of being honest on your relationship.
|
I feel hurt that you are telling me I am imagining things. I take good care of my car and know its condition well. I want you to be honest with me that you damaged it and help pay for the repairs. We can stop arguing and move on with our friendship. I won't hold a grudge, I just want you to be honest.
|
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
my drive way is concrete and there was no such thing as rain
|
Yes
| null |
my drive way is concrete and there was no such thing as rain
|
56
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 10
|
you ruined my car and I am sending you the bill of the damage you caused it
|
Weak
|
Stick to the same describe you gave in the beginning
|
My car has dents, scratches, mud in the engine compartment, and the bumper is not falling off. If I drive it I risk something else happening to it because it is so damaged.
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Be specific with what you want of your friend.
|
I am sending you the bill and I would like for you to pay it back.
|
No
|
Give your friend a reason to pay the bill.
|
I am sending you the bill and I would like for you to pay it back. Then we can put this behind us.
|
No
|
They might be more likely to pay the bill if you show you are willing to be flexible with them and consider their circumstances.
|
I am sending you the bill and I would like for you to pay it back. Then we can put this behind us. We can talk about a timeline for this that works well for you if money is tight right now.
|
banana
|
Yes
| null |
you ruined my car and I am sending you the bill of the damage you caused it
|
Yes
| null |
you ruined my car and I am sending you the bill of the damage you caused it
|
57
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 12
|
oh yes you did and you know it, i already found out the truth because Jenny told me what you guys did the other day, but here you are lying to my face
|
Weak
|
You could tell your friend exactly what Jenny told you.
|
Jenny told me about the car incident so I know what happened, but here you are lying to my face.
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
Your conversation partner is offering you what you are asking for! This is a great opportunity to reinforce and clarify your ask. You might ask, for example, on the modality or timeline of getting the payment.Ê
|
Can we touch base tomorrow after I send you the bill?
|
No
|
They're almost giving you what you want! Or at least the reimbursement part of it. Provide reinforcement to help make this more likely.
|
Thank you. I appreciate you being willing to work with me on this. It means a lot. Can we touch base tomorrow after I send you the bill?
|
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
oh yes you did and you know it, i already found out the truth because Jenny told me what you guys did the other day, but here you are lying to my face
|
No
|
Stay with your goals. This utterance moved you farther away from it.
|
Thank you. I appreciate you being willing to work with me on this. It means a lot. Can we touch base tomorrow after I send you the bill?
|
58
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 14
|
you just wont admit what you did, that really awful and I thought you were my friend but its clear to me you not
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Make less attacking statements and more statements about how you feel.
|
I feel hurt because honestly is a really important characteristics of my friendship with you, and that is being broken right now.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
you just wont admit what you did, that really awful and I thought you were my friend but its clear to me you not
|
Yes
| null |
you just wont admit what you did, that really awful and I thought you were my friend but its clear to me you not
|
59
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 16
|
thats the best you can say, if you can lie to me about this then i dont think we can continue to be friends
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Instead of setting this contingency, replace with an express.
|
It is hard for me to trust you when I think you are lying to me.
|
No
|
Your friend is giving you what you want!
|
I really appreciate you being willing to help out with the repair costs even if we disagree on some of the facts. That makes me trust you, and I see you value our friendship.
|
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
thats the best you can say, if you can lie to me about this then i dont think we can continue to be friends
|
No
|
Stick with your goals, ignore the rest.
|
I really appreciate you being willing to help out with the repair costs even if we disagree on some of the facts. That makes me trust you, and I see you value our friendship.
|
60
|
6MM46P
|
my friend borrowed my car and hid the fact that he had a slight accident and dent my car
|
social
| 18
|
its clear to me that your ego wont let you give in to your mistake, but I am still sending you the bill for sure
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Drop the judgments (stuff about the go, "for sure") and stick with the ask.
|
I will send you the bill. Can we follow up tomorrow?
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
its clear to me that your ego wont let you give in to your mistake, but I am still sending you the bill for sure
|
Yes
| null |
its clear to me that your ego wont let you give in to your mistake, but I am still sending you the bill for sure
|
61
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 0
|
I'm not happy with you any longer because you're owing me a lot of money promising to pay back soon but you haven't.
|
Weak
|
Be more specific with how much money, and how often, your friend is borrowing.
|
You owe me $1,000 from the last time I lent you money. You promised to pay it back within a month, but it's been 6 months.
|
Weak
|
You are not unhappy with your friend, but with what they are doing. Be specific about that. Also be specific with the emotion that you are feeling.
|
I am frustrated that I keep lending you money and don't get reimbursed."
|
No
|
It is important to make your ask really clear. Do you want your colleague to pay you back? Do you want your colleague to apologize for not paying you back? To acknowledge that you're unhappy? Make sure to tell her what you want her to do.
|
You owe me $1,000 from the last time I lent you money. You promised to pay it back within a month, but it's been 6 months. I am frustrated that I keep lending you money and don't get reimbursed. I am not going to lend you more money until you pay me back what you owe me and learn how to budget properly.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
I'm not happy with you any longer because you're owing me a lot of money promising to pay back soon but you haven't.
|
Yes
| null |
I'm not happy with you any longer because you're owing me a lot of money promising to pay back soon but you haven't.
|
62
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 2
|
You sound very ridiculous, I'm confronting you to pay me and you're asking for more money
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
|
Drop the judgment! Your colleague is not going to want to give you the money if you are being judgmental, and you are potentially harming your relationship with her. Stick to the facts and your ask.
|
I'm confronting you to pay me and you're asking for more money. I am not going to give you more money.
|
No
|
Give them a stronger reason to give you what you want!
|
I'm confronting you to pay me and you're asking for more money. I am not going to give you more money. If you pay me back what you currently owe me we can discuss another loan.
|
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
You sound very ridiculous, I'm confronting you to pay me and you're asking for more money
|
Yes
| null |
You sound very ridiculous, I'm confronting you to pay me and you're asking for more money
|
63
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 4
|
Currently, I need the total money you owed me urgently because I have pressing needs I have to solve. Can't you change for ones?
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Say no again.
|
Currently, I need the total money you owned me urgently because I have pressing needs I have to solve. I cannot lend you more money until I am paid back what you owe me.
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
Currently, I need the total money you owed me urgently because I have pressing needs I have to solve. Can't you change for ones?
|
Yes
| null |
Currently, I need the total money you owed me urgently because I have pressing needs I have to solve. Can't you change for ones?
|
64
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 6
|
It is better you have what to give me at this moment and I want to know how you intend to pay the rest of the money as soon as possible.
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
This doesn't make much sense, it might be hard for your colleague to understand. Also, it is important to be specific with what you mean by "better." It is better for you, but not really better for your friend! You might use express with, for example: "I appreciate that you are willing to give me what you are able to in this moment."
|
I appreciate that you are willing to give me what you are able to in this moment.
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
|
Using reinforce will help your colleague accept a no and pay you back sooner.
|
I appreciate that you are willing to give me what you are able to in this moment. Can we come up with a plan for how you will pay back the rest of the money? Then we can think about how to get you the money you need for your expenses.
|
Strong
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
It is better you have what to give me at this moment and I want to know how you intend to pay the rest of the money as soon as possible.
|
Yes
| null |
It is better you have what to give me at this moment and I want to know how you intend to pay the rest of the money as soon as possible.
|
65
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 8
|
You sound nice by saying by the month end but I urgently need money now, so I'm considering weekly payments
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Express your appreciation for how they are behaving, not something about them.
|
I see and appreciate that you're trying to pay the funds back by the end of this month.
|
Weak
|
Be specific what you want something from them.
|
Can you pay me back in four weekly installments rather than one lump sum at the end of the month?
|
Weak
|
Be more specific than just nice.
|
I know it is hard for you to pay me back and I see how hard you're working to do that. I admire your integrity and it makes me trust you more.
|
Strong
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
You sound nice by saying by the month end but I urgently need money now, so I'm considering weekly payments
|
Yes
| null |
You sound nice by saying by the month end but I urgently need money now, so I'm considering weekly payments
|
66
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 10
|
Actually I feel sad about all this because I gave you the money at once but you're breaking it in parts which would make the money not useful to me to solve my problem at once
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
|
They are giving you exactly what you want.
|
Thank you.
|
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
Actually I feel sad about all this because I gave you the money at once but you're breaking it in parts which would make the money not useful to me to solve my problem at once
|
No
|
Stick with the ask/negotiation.
|
Thanks, that works ok for me. I appreciate it.
|
67
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 12
|
How much do you intend to pay weekly until you pay the last penny you owe?
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
How much do you intend to pay weekly until you pay the last penny you owe?
|
Yes
| null |
How much do you intend to pay weekly until you pay the last penny you owe?
|
68
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 14
|
How many weeks do you think it'll take you to complete the total payment because I'm considering if you should increase it a bit
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Keep your assert to just one ask. In this case you are wondering how long the payment will take and also vaguely threatening to increase it.
|
I need you to tell me how long it will take for you to pay me back. If it takes longer, I may have to ask you to pay some interests.
|
No
|
You're getting when you asked for!
|
I appreciate that, thank you so much.
|
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
How many weeks do you think it'll take you to complete the total payment because I'm considering if you should increase it a bit
|
No
|
I appreciate that, thank you so much.
|
I appreciate that, thank you so much.
|
69
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 16
|
I would really like you to maintain this weekly payment as you've agreed to pay the fixed amount. I won't want any disappointment from you this time!
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
I would really like you to maintain this weekly payment as you've agreed to pay the fixed amount. I won't want any disappointment from you this time!
|
Yes
| null |
I would really like you to maintain this weekly payment as you've agreed to pay the fixed amount. I won't want any disappointment from you this time!
|
70
|
6UIHKC
|
My colleague keep borrowing money from me without completely paying her old debts, and she don't feel ashamed to come asking despite I've confronted her several times about it. But I don't know her to refuse lending to her because I have it and can't lie I don't have any money
|
work
| 18
|
I'll be very happy and relieved if you could stick to this agreement and finish the payment as we've agreed. Trust me, with this, I'll always help you whenever I can.
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
banana
|
Yes
| null |
I'll be very happy and relieved if you could stick to this agreement and finish the payment as we've agreed. Trust me, with this, I'll always help you whenever I can.
|
Yes
| null |
I'll be very happy and relieved if you could stick to this agreement and finish the payment as we've agreed. Trust me, with this, I'll always help you whenever I can.
|
71
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 0
|
its quite alarming how you have changed over the years, everyone else is seeing this but apparently you are not
|
Weak
|
Try being more specific with your Describe â examples help!
|
You used to [insert example of past behavior], and now you [insert example of how it's changed]. Other people have commented on this to me, such as [insert people who have mentioned this concern].
|
Weak
|
Try focusing more on your feelings with "I" statements - those can't be argued with!
|
You used to [insert example of past behavior], and now you [insert example of how it's changed]. Other people have commented on this to me, such as [insert people who have mentioned this concern]. I care about you a lot, so I feel concerned and upset about this change.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
its quite alarming how you have changed over the years, everyone else is seeing this but apparently you are not
|
Yes
| null |
its quite alarming how you have changed over the years, everyone else is seeing this but apparently you are not
|
72
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 2
|
you obviously should be making a good examples to others, my kids look up to you and seeing you like this is killing me because I cannot watch you destroy your life like this
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Try using more non-judgmental language here and focusing on your feelings.
|
You are so important to me and it's painful for me to watch you struggle this much. I also know how much my kids look up to you and I feel concerned that they might start smoking too.
|
No
|
It is important to keep coming back to your ask to keep orienting the conversation back to what you need.
|
You are so important to me and it's painful for me to watch you struggle this much. I also know how much my kids look up to you and I feel concerned that they might start smoking too. It's important to me that you address your smoking habits with a professional.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
you obviously should be making a good examples to others, my kids look up to you and seeing you like this is killing me because I cannot watch you destroy your life like this
|
Yes
| null |
you obviously should be making a good examples to others, my kids look up to you and seeing you like this is killing me because I cannot watch you destroy your life like this
|
73
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 4
|
you yourself at the mirror, look back five years from today, there is serious difference and you know it, you not treating yourself right and your body might just break down soonest if you dont do othing about it
|
Weak
|
Try being more specific with your Describe â examples help!
|
I can see the negative impact of smoking on your body. For instance, [provide specific examples].
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
you yourself at the mirror, look back five years from today, there is serious difference and you know it, you not treating yourself right and your body might just break down soonest if you dont do othing about it
|
Yes
| null |
you yourself at the mirror, look back five years from today, there is serious difference and you know it, you not treating yourself right and your body might just break down soonest if you dont do othing about it
|
74
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 6
|
even if you think it has nothing to do with it, why not at least get to see a physician and know for sure if anything is wrong
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
It's helpful to be very clear with your Assert - express this as something that you would like to happen.
|
I would like you to see a physician and know for sure if anything is wrong.
|
No
|
Remind your sister of the benefits that would come with honoring your request.
|
I would like you to see a physician and know for sure if anything is wrong. That way, you and I can both have peace of mind.
|
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
even if you think it has nothing to do with it, why not at least get to see a physician and know for sure if anything is wrong
|
Yes
| null |
even if you think it has nothing to do with it, why not at least get to see a physician and know for sure if anything is wrong
|
75
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 8
|
you were full of life when we were young, we had series of adventures together, you were the positive ones and you had great idea about how you want you life to be like but today look at you
|
Weak
|
Try using more non-judgmental language here and focus on describing the details.
|
We had fun together when we were young and now I'm noticing that I don't see you smile as often.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
you were full of life when we were young, we had series of adventures together, you were the positive ones and you had great idea about how you want you life to be like but today look at you
|
Yes
| null |
you were full of life when we were young, we had series of adventures together, you were the positive ones and you had great idea about how you want you life to be like but today look at you
|
76
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 10
|
no you not, you are 30 years older than you look, you always feel tired, you now look old with pale skin and you wont admit it
|
Weak
|
Try using more non-judgmental language here and focusing on the facts.
|
You've often told me that you feel more tired than you used to.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
no you not, you are 30 years older than you look, you always feel tired, you now look old with pale skin and you wont admit it
|
Yes
| null |
no you not, you are 30 years older than you look, you always feel tired, you now look old with pale skin and you wont admit it
|
77
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 12
|
why cant you see that all this recent condition only started when you took on the habit of smoking, I am trying to help you here
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Try focusing more on your feelings - those can't be argued with!
|
I feel frustrated when we try to talk about this together and really sad when I think about how it's impacting our relationship.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
why cant you see that all this recent condition only started when you took on the habit of smoking, I am trying to help you here
|
Yes
| null |
why cant you see that all this recent condition only started when you took on the habit of smoking, I am trying to help you here
|
78
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 14
|
the other day you just collapse and refuse to get medical help, its getting worse by the day, why are you refusing help
|
Weak
|
Try sticking to the facts here.
|
The other day I watched you collapse and when I tried to call for medical help, you refused.
|
No
|
Expressing how you feel about this situation will help keep the conversation on track and focused on your relationship with your sister.
|
The other day I watched you collapse and when I tried to call for medical help, you refused. I care about you and this kind of thing makes me feel afraid for your health.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
the other day you just collapse and refuse to get medical help, its getting worse by the day, why are you refusing help
|
Yes
| null |
the other day you just collapse and refuse to get medical help, its getting worse by the day, why are you refusing help
|
79
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 16
|
why not see a doctor ad when he says you fine then the rest of the family could be rest assured that you fine, everyone is worried sick about you
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
|
Remind your sister of the benefits that she would get if she honored your request.
|
why not see a doctor ad when he says you fine then the rest of the family could be rest assured that you fine, everyone is worried sick about you. You could also feel more confident in your health.
|
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
why not see a doctor ad when he says you fine then the rest of the family could be rest assured that you fine, everyone is worried sick about you
|
Yes
| null |
why not see a doctor ad when he says you fine then the rest of the family could be rest assured that you fine, everyone is worried sick about you
|
80
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 18
|
for the sake of mom and dad just see a doctor once and give them that assurance that you fine
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
for the sake of mom and dad just see a doctor once and give them that assurance that you fine
|
Yes
| null |
for the sake of mom and dad just see a doctor once and give them that assurance that you fine
|
81
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 20
|
you dont want them to always be thinking about you, considering their age, i believe getting them rest assured about your health is also good for your health, they love you too much you know, you have always been their favorite and seeing you like this break their heart
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
you dont want them to always be thinking about you, considering their age, i believe getting them rest assured about your health is also good for your health, they love you too much you know, you have always been their favorite and seeing you like this break their heart
|
Yes
| null |
you dont want them to always be thinking about you, considering their age, i believe getting them rest assured about your health is also good for your health, they love you too much you know, you have always been their favorite and seeing you like this break their heart
|
82
|
7DSZUA
|
My sister struggles with smoking addiction and this has been having negative effect on her health but she wont admit , she wont see a doctor nor does she want to reduce or quit smoking
|
family
| 22
|
if you love them you should considering doing this one thing for them considering the number of sacrifices they have done for you
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Try using less judgmental language - that will reduce the odds of your sister responding with defensiveness.
|
I know that you love them and don't want them to be concerned. If you go to the doctor, they will feel much more at peace, which I know you care about.
|
No
| null | null |
bear
|
Yes
| null |
if you love them you should considering doing this one thing for them considering the number of sacrifices they have done for you
|
Yes
| null |
if you love them you should considering doing this one thing for them considering the number of sacrifices they have done for you
|
83
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 0
|
I know you are my mom but you are beginning to annoy me with your attitude
|
No
|
You can consider using the "Describe" strategy here to help set up the situation and explain it in objective terms
|
You've been involving yourself in my family's affairs recently, and when you do so I feel annoyed
|
Weak
|
phrase the situation in "I" terms (first-person) rather than "you" terms (second-person)
|
I know you are my mom but I feel annoyed when you get involved in my family's affairs
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I know you are my mom but you are beginning to annoy me with your attitude
|
Yes
| null |
I know you are my mom but you are beginning to annoy me with your attitude
|
84
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 2
|
its not about sharing experience, I have my own ways of dealing with my family matters and i dont expect you to intrude every time there is a problem
|
Weak
|
You should try to describe the situation in more objective terms based on what has actually happened
|
I have successfully dealt with my family matters on my own in the past and i dont expect you to intrude every time there is a problem
|
Weak
|
You should describe your wants more explicitly
|
its not about sharing experience, I have my own ways of dealing with my family matters and I don't want you to share your experience in these moments
|
No
|
I can see you are doing a good job describing your perception of the situation. At the same time, it would be helpful to lay out your ask and specific behaviors you want the other party to perform.
|
its not about sharing experience, I have my own ways of dealing with my family matters and I would really like it if you would not get involved in these issues
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
its not about sharing experience, I have my own ways of dealing with my family matters and i dont expect you to intrude every time there is a problem
|
Yes
| null |
its not about sharing experience, I have my own ways of dealing with my family matters and i dont expect you to intrude every time there is a problem
|
85
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 4
|
telling my kids what to do after i have given them an instruction even though it goes contrary to what i said, whats that exactly
|
Weak
|
You should try to speak in specific, factual terms rather than generalizations
|
The other day you told my kids to do something contrary to my previous instruction
|
No
|
You can consider using the "Express" strategy here because it goes well with your description of the events, and helps make the description more useful
|
when you told my kids what to do after I had just given them an instruction even though it was contrary to what I said, I felt frustrated and stressed
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
telling my kids what to do after i have given them an instruction even though it goes contrary to what i said, whats that exactly
|
No
|
Don't get off topic by bringing up a previous incident and asking about it / instigating another argument
|
The other day you told my kids to do something contrary to my previous instruction which made me feel frustrated and stressed
|
86
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 6
|
you are trying make my kids rebelious as you begining to spoil them
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
use I statement to express your frustration, rather than you statement, which can sound accusative.
|
From my perspective, I feel frustrated because the kids sometimes were confused by different instructions coming from you and me.
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
You can consider using the "Reinforce" strategy here because it shows your mom the positive outcome of what listening to you would bring
|
It would be a lot easier on me as a parent if you didn't give my kids conflicting instructions
|
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
you are trying make my kids rebelious as you begining to spoil them
|
No
|
Keep your focus on your ultimate goal of having your mom be less involved in your family matters -- don't make assumptions about her behavior that could distract from this
|
It would be a lot easier on me as a parent if you didn't give my kids conflicting instructions
|
87
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 8
|
what about my husband, when ever we have any little issue, i wonder how you find out about it, you just come in and try to tell us what to do like we are children
|
Weak
|
You should speak in more explicit and less generalized terms and stick to the facts
|
In the past you have also made comments about issues my husband and I have had with each other
|
Weak
|
You should state your feelings more explicitly
|
what about my husband, when ever we have any little issue, I feel confused when you just come in and try to tell us what to do. This makes me feel insulted and patronized
|
No
|
The description here is sticking to the fact, which is great. At the same time, try adding in what you are asking the other person to do can help move the conversation forward.
|
In the past you have also made comments about issues my husband and I have had with each other, and I would feel much more respected if you allowed us to figure out our issues on our own
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
what about my husband, when ever we have any little issue, i wonder how you find out about it, you just come in and try to tell us what to do like we are children
|
Yes
| null |
what about my husband, when ever we have any little issue, i wonder how you find out about it, you just come in and try to tell us what to do like we are children
|
88
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 10
|
the only thing i want now is for you to give me some space and allow me be the woman i am
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
You should be more specific about what "giving some space" looks like so that your mom knows exactly what you want from her
|
What i want is for you to give me some space by not giving my children conflicting instructions and making suggestions to me and my husband
|
No
|
You can consider using the "Reinforce" strategy here to explain the benefits of how your mom changing her behavior will improve your relationship
|
What I want now is for you to give me some space and allow me be the woman I am, which would make me feel so relieved and less overwhelmed, and feel more understood by you
|
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
the only thing i want now is for you to give me some space and allow me be the woman i am
|
Yes
| null |
the only thing i want now is for you to give me some space and allow me be the woman i am
|
89
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 12
|
exactly, I am not trying to make you an outsider but i am a woman and i deserve to take care of my family without any ones input
|
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
You should express your desire to not make your mom an outsider in more explicit feeling terms
|
exactly, I don't want you to feel like an outsider but i am a woman and i deserve to take care of my family without any ones input
|
Weak
|
You should ask clearly for what you want differently from your mom
|
exactly, I am not trying to make you an outsider and at the same time I would really like to be able to take care of my family in my own way without your input or suggestions
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
exactly, I am not trying to make you an outsider but i am a woman and i deserve to take care of my family without any ones input
|
No
|
Don't get distracted by talking about what you deserve as a woman and instead stick to the concrete goal of having your mom be less involved
|
exactly, I don't want you to feel like an outsider and at the same time I would really like to be able to take care of my family in my own way without your input or suggestions
|
90
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 14
|
just so you know, if there is any time we need your input on our family issue i would do well to get you involve
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
Be more specific about your ask for help in these situations
|
Yes, and when a time comes up when I feel like I do want your input, I would also appreciate it if I could ask for your advice
|
No
|
You can consider using the "Reinforce" strategy here because your mom may not know that you also would really like and value her opinion in some situations
|
just so you know, if there is any time we need your input on our family issue i would like to be able to get you involved, and it would make me feel very close to you to know that I could ask for your help in these situations
|
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
just so you know, if there is any time we need your input on our family issue i would do well to get you involve
|
Yes
| null |
just so you know, if there is any time we need your input on our family issue i would do well to get you involve
|
91
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 16
|
i promise you I would be the best to my kids and teach them same way you have taught me
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
You can try framing this in a way that reassures your mom's concerns
|
I hear that you also want what's best for my kids. In the moments where I don't want advice or suggestions, I want you to know that I will do my very best to parent them and teach them in the same way that you taught me which was so helpful
|
otter
|
Yes
| null |
i promise you I would be the best to my kids and teach them same way you have taught me
|
Yes
| null |
i promise you I would be the best to my kids and teach them same way you have taught me
|
92
|
MFQI4L
|
my mom always like to intrude into my family space and try to school me on how to manage my family
|
family
| 18
|
I know how peaceful you want my marriage to be, and i promise nothing would come between my husband and I
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I know how peaceful you want my marriage to be, and i promise nothing would come between my husband and I
|
Yes
| null |
I know how peaceful you want my marriage to be, and i promise nothing would come between my husband and I
|
93
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 0
|
I went out for drinks with a colleague from work, nothing more, nothing less. I am not dating anyone from the office as a coworker has reported.
|
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I went out for drinks with a colleague from work, nothing more, nothing less. I am not dating anyone from the office as a coworker has reported.
|
Yes
| null |
I went out for drinks with a colleague from work, nothing more, nothing less. I am not dating anyone from the office as a coworker has reported.
|
94
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 2
|
I feel like this wouldn't be an issue if it was one of my guy colleagues, which is why I think this suspension and investigation are a misuse of company resources.
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
|
You can consider using the âReinforceâ strategy here because your boss may need more buy-in to see how your solution will be better for them
|
I feel like this wouldn't be an issue if it was one of my guy colleagues, which is why I think this suspension and investigation are a misuse of company resources, and that suspending me based on this information alone will hurt the companyâs productivity
|
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I feel like this wouldn't be an issue if it was one of my guy colleagues, which is why I think this suspension and investigation are a misuse of company resources.
|
Yes
| null |
I feel like this wouldn't be an issue if it was one of my guy colleagues, which is why I think this suspension and investigation are a misuse of company resources.
|
95
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 4
|
I would really appreciate it if you didn't suspend me. If the colleague came forward to corroborate my statement, can we stop the suspension and investigation?
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I would really appreciate it if you didn't suspend me. If the colleague came forward to corroborate my statement, can we stop the suspension and investigation?
|
Yes
| null |
I would really appreciate it if you didn't suspend me. If the colleague came forward to corroborate my statement, can we stop the suspension and investigation?
|
96
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 6
|
There are no allegations of workplace romance or public displays of affection, which makes this allegation a complete sham. There is no way that anyone can justifiably suspend an employee for simply having drinks with a colleague.
|
Weak
|
Be more factual and less subjective / emotional in your description
|
There is no evidence of workplace romance or public displays of affection, simply that two individuals got drinks together, which is a common occurrence among colleagues. There is no rule in the company policy against this.
|
No
|
To refrain from getting argumentative, you could try inserting some âExpressâ strategies and stating your feelings and opinions plainly
|
There are no allegations of workplace romance or public displays of affection, which makes this allegation a complete sham. There is no way that anyone can justifiably suspend an employee for simply having drinks with a colleague, and this expectation is not a part of our policy. I feel that it is unfair to hold us to standards that are not included or outlined to us in our company policy.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
There are no allegations of workplace romance or public displays of affection, which makes this allegation a complete sham. There is no way that anyone can justifiably suspend an employee for simply having drinks with a colleague.
|
Yes
| null |
There are no allegations of workplace romance or public displays of affection, which makes this allegation a complete sham. There is no way that anyone can justifiably suspend an employee for simply having drinks with a colleague.
|
97
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 8
|
There was no improper conduct and if a coworker alleges that there was, they are lying.
|
Strong
| null | null |
Weak
|
You should avoid starting your opinions as fact
|
There was no improper conduct and I feel disappointed as though my statements are not being taken as seriously as my coworkerâs.
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
You can consider using the âReinforceâ strategy because it makes it more clear to your boss what youâre goal is out of this conversation
|
There was no improper conduct and if a coworker alleges that there was, they are lying. I would really like to come to a solution where I donât get punished before an investigation is completed.
|
No
|
You can consider using the âNegotiateâ strategy because it shows your boss that youâre willing to give a little to get something and work with him
|
There was no improper conduct and if a coworker alleges that there was, they are lying. How can we come to a solution that doesnât result in me getting punished before a result is found to the investigation?
|
otter
|
Yes
| null |
There was no improper conduct and if a coworker alleges that there was, they are lying.
|
No
|
Try not to get distracted by starting to talk about the coworker that reported you and stay focused on your goal for yourself and your own job
|
There was no improper conduct and I feel disappointed as though my statements are not being taken as seriously as my coworkerâs.
|
98
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 10
|
At the very least, I should be suspended with pay. This practice of suspending coworkers without pay could incentivize employees to falsely report anyone they don't like for workplace romances.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
Weak
|
Try to be open and non emotional about alternative solutions to show that you are being collaborative
|
One potential alternative solution is to suspend me with pay. This practice of suspending coworkers without pay could incentivize employees to falsely report anyone they don't like for workplace romances.
|
otter
|
Yes
| null |
At the very least, I should be suspended with pay. This practice of suspending coworkers without pay could incentivize employees to falsely report anyone they don't like for workplace romances.
|
Yes
| null |
At the very least, I should be suspended with pay. This practice of suspending coworkers without pay could incentivize employees to falsely report anyone they don't like for workplace romances.
|
99
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 12
|
I would feel much better about this situation if I knew the allegations against me or that there were better policies in place that didn't automatically punish anyone accused of inter-office relationships, just for getting drinks after work.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I would feel much better about this situation if I knew the allegations against me or that there were better policies in place that didn't automatically punish anyone accused of inter-office relationships, just for getting drinks after work.
|
Yes
| null |
I would feel much better about this situation if I knew the allegations against me or that there were better policies in place that didn't automatically punish anyone accused of inter-office relationships, just for getting drinks after work.
|
100
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 14
|
I would like to know a timeline for the suspension and investigation. This information would make me much more willing to comply with the investigation.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I would like to know a timeline for the suspension and investigation. This information would make me much more willing to comply with the investigation.
|
Yes
| null |
I would like to know a timeline for the suspension and investigation. This information would make me much more willing to comply with the investigation.
|
101
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 16
|
Perhaps, you could tell me about how long the average investigation into similar allegations have taken?
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
No
|
You can consider using the "Reinforce" strategy here to provide a potential reward for your boss negotiating with you.
|
Perhaps, you could tell me about how long the average investigation into similar allegations have taken? I would feel much more secure in this job position if I could gauge how long I will be without pay, and may need to look into additional support so that I can feel financially stable during this time.
|
Strong
| null | null |
otter
|
No
|
You can stand to be more assertive with this request of your boss, rather than making a more passive suggestion
|
Could you then tell me about how long the average investigation into similar allegations have taken?
|
Yes
| null |
Perhaps, you could tell me about how long the average investigation into similar allegations have taken?
|
102
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 18
|
I feel like I wont be able to pay my bills and will have to look for work elsewhere, without knowing how long the investigation will take.
|
No
| null | null |
Strong
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
You could more directly share what the benefits would be to both of you if you know how long you should expect to be out of work.
|
I feel like I wont be able to pay my bills and will have to look for work elsewhere, without knowing how long the investigation will take. I like this job and don't want to look for alternatives, so it would be helpful to have a timeframe for how long I should expect to be out of work.
|
No
| null | null |
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I feel like I wont be able to pay my bills and will have to look for work elsewhere, without knowing how long the investigation will take.
|
Yes
| null |
I feel like I wont be able to pay my bills and will have to look for work elsewhere, without knowing how long the investigation will take.
|
103
|
NX3BAM
|
My boss has told me that my employer is going to suspend me, without pay, pending an investigation into an inter-office relationship. I went out for drinks with a colleague and one of our coworkers saw us out and reported us, even though we were just hanging out as friends.
|
work
| 20
|
I would like to be compensated for the time I am suspended if and when I am absolved of any wrong doing. I should not be punished for something I did not do.
|
No
| null | null |
No
| null | null |
Weak
|
You can try phrasing your ask more assertively, using "I want" rather than "should".
|
I would like to be compensated for the time I am suspended if and when I am absolved of any wrong doing. I do not want to be punished for something I did not do.
|
No
| null | null |
No
|
You can consider using the "Negotiate" strategy here because your boss has denied your request for pay several times already, so it may be helpful to turn the problem over to them for a potential solution
|
I would like to be compensated for the time I am suspended if and when I am absolved of any wrong doing. I should not be punished for something I did not do. How can we come to a compromise on this?
|
otter
|
Yes
| null |
I would like to be compensated for the time I am suspended if and when I am absolved of any wrong doing. I should not be punished for something I did not do.
|
Yes
| null |
I would like to be compensated for the time I am suspended if and when I am absolved of any wrong doing. I should not be punished for something I did not do.
|
End of preview. Expand
in Data Studio
Dataset Overview
This dataset was collected as part of the project "IMBUE: Improving Interpersonal Effectiveness through Simulation and Just-in-time Feedback with Human-Language Model Interaction."
We are releasing this dataset with the hope that it provides valuable opportunities for researchers to develop and evaluate new LLM-based tools for interpersonal skill training across a range of fields, including natural language processing, conversational AI, and computational psychology.
For any questions or concerns, please reach out to ilin@cs.washington.edu
Data Collection Methods
Interpersonal Effectiveness Framework
The dataset leverages the DEAR MAN interpersonal effectiveness framework, a widely used framework from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that teaches conversational strategies and emotional regulation.
DEAR MAN stands for: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Staying Mindful, Appear Confident, and Negotiate.
Conversations on bespoke difficult situations between mTurk participants and simulated conversation partner
Each participant contributed three conversations, one from each category: family, social, and work.
Participants engaged in conversations with a large language model (LLM) trained to simulate a conversation partner within the participant's self-defined bespoke, difficult situations.
Participants were asked to have conversations that were at least 10 responses long or until the simulated partner agreed with them.
Before writing each message, participants chose one or more DEAR MAN strategies to guide their communication.
Screenshots of the conversation collection interface are provided in the paper (Appendix J).
Expert annotations on conversational and emotional skill use
The dataset includes annotations from six clinical experts trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) who actively use DEAR MAN in their practice.
Expert Selection Criteria: The researchers specifically recruited experts who are clinical psychology PhD, PostDoc, or practitioners, and only selected those who indicated they "sometimes" or "regularly" work with clients on DEAR MAN skills. This selection process ensured the annotators had practical experience applying the DEAR MAN framework in therapeutic settings.
Annotation Process: Experts annotated the conversations using an interactive tool. Each message was assessed for the following:
- Skill Identification: Experts identified which DEAR MAN skills were present in each utterance.
- Skill Use Rating: Each skill used in an utterance was rated as either "strong" or "weak". Mindfulness and confidence were rated as "yes" or "no."
- Improvement Suggestions: Experts provided specific suggestions for improving "weak" utterances and offered rewritten versions demonstrating "strong" skill use.
- Additionally, experts suggested skills for utterances where they believed a skill should have been applied but wasn't and provided rewritten utterances demonstrating their suggestions.
Screenshots of the annotation interface are provided in the paper (Appendix L).
Privacy and Ethical Considerations
The researchers obtained approval from the Institutional Review Board (IRB) at the University of Washington before conducting the study. All researchers involved in the study completed human subjects protection training and received IRB certification.
Informed Consent: Informed consent was obtained from all participants involved in both the data collection and user study phases. Participants were informed that:
- They would be interacting with an AI-based model simulating a conversation partner.
- The data they provided would be used for research purposes.
- The model's responses might contain upsetting content due to the nature of the simulated difficult conversations.
Data Privacy: The study did not collect any Personally Identifiable Information (PII). Participants were asked to avoid including PII in the situations they described or the conversations they had with the model. The collected conversations and situation descriptions were manually filtered to remove any identifiable names or locations.
Crisis Resources: Although content filters were used to minimize potentially harmful outputs from the model, participants were provided with links to Crisis Text Line and the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline as a precaution.
For further details on the methodology and findings, refer to the associated paper.
Dataset Schema
The following table provides a brief description of each column in the dataset:
| Column Name | Description |
|---|---|
conversation_id |
A unique ID assigned to this conversation/situation. |
situation |
A brief description of the participant-provided situation, written by the participant. |
category |
Participant-chosen category of their situation, among family, social, or work. |
message_id |
The message ID in each conversation, ordered sequentially. |
message_text |
Message written by the participants. |
label_describe |
Expert's annotation of whether and how well the participant used the "Describe" skill. |
suggestion_describe |
Expert's suggestion on how to improve the use of the "Describe" skill. |
rewrite_describe |
Expert's rewritten message based on their own suggestion for the "Describe" skill. |
label_express |
Expert's annotation of whether and how well the participant used the "Express" skill. |
suggestion_express |
Expert's suggestion on how to improve the use of the "Express" skill. |
rewrite_express |
Expert's rewritten message based on their own suggestion for the "Express" skill. |
label_assert |
Expert's annotation of whether and how well the participant used the "Assert" skill. |
suggestion_assert |
Expert's suggestion on how to improve the use of the "Assert" skill. |
rewrite_assert |
Expert's rewritten message based on their own suggestion for the "Assert" skill. |
label_reinforce |
Expert's annotation of whether and how well the participant used the "Reinforce" skill. |
suggestion_reinforce |
Expert's suggestion on how to improve the use of the "Reinforce" skill. |
rewrite_reinforce |
Expert's rewritten message based on their own suggestion for the "Reinforce" skill. |
label_negotiate |
Expert annotation of whether and how well the participant used the "Negotiate" skill. |
suggestion_negotiate |
Expert's suggestion on how to improve the use of the "Negotiate" skill. |
rewrite_negotiate |
Expert's rewritten message based on their own suggestion for the "Negotiate" skill. |
username_expert |
A randomly-assigned username of the expert who provided the annotation and suggestions. |
label_confident |
Expert's annotation of whether and how well the participant demonstrated the "Appear Confident" skill in their communication. |
suggestion_confident |
Expert's suggestion on how to enhance the "Appear Confident" skill in communication. |
rewrite_confident |
Expert's rewritten message based on their own suggestion to enhance the "Appear Confident" skille. |
label_mindful |
Expert's annotation of whether and how well the participant demonstrated the "Stay Mindful" skill in their communication. |
suggestion_mindful |
Expert's suggestion on how to enhance the "Stay Mindful" skill in communication. |
rewrite_mindful |
Expert's rewritten message based on their own suggestion to enhance the "Stay Mindful" skill. |
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