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tone alone cannot sustain a film , but it can go a long way . if i can find myself lost in the time and place of a story , it scores immediate style points . when that tone is backed up by an outstanding story and great acting , the effect can be described best by an adjective i do not use lightly : " literary . " what's eating gilbert grape ? is such a film . it's a rich , memorable and stunningly acted story of desire colliding with responsibility , staged in a manner which many viewers might find too prosaic , but which insinuated itself into my imagination with its confidence . gilbert grape ( johnny depp ) is a young man living in rural endora , iowa , facing incredible responsibilities . as the man of the house since his father's suicide , gilbert must support the family by working at the local grocery store . he also must watch over his mentally handicapped brother arnie ( leonardo dicaprio ) and help care for his extremely overweight mother ( darlene cates ) . gilbert seems destined to spend the rest of his life in the small town until the arrival in endora of becky ( juliette lewis ) , a free spirit passing through with her grandmother when their truck breaks down . as he spends time with becky , gilbert begins to think about all the things he is missing . slowly his resentment builds , until he realizes that he can no longer live his entire life for other people . director lasse hallstrom ( my life as a dog ) and legendary cinematographer sven nykvist create a magnificent visual backdrop for peter hedges' screenplay , based on his own novel . endora is a town on the edge of the world represented by the giant foodmart , a tiny insular community where everyone knows everyone else . the midwestern sunsets and sprawling fields are beautifully photographed , and the atmosphere of the town is intensely real . minor characters , like crispin glover as the town's mortician , are vividly realized , and there are echoes of the last picture show in mary steenburgen's desperately unhappy housewife . one of the most perfectly realized scenes focuses on the grand opening of a burger franchise , attended by the entire town and accompanied by the off-key high school band . not a single note in the depiction of endora rang false . the same can be said of the character of gilbert . it's testimony to the precision involved in his creation that he came together completely with one perfectly placed line , when becky responds to gilbert's description of his father with , " i knew someone like that once . " gilbert is a man harboring an ever-growing bitterness about where he finds himself in life , a bitterness which reveals itself in moments of surprising cruelty . in one scene , he allows local children to look at his mother through their window , displaying her like a side show attraction . his entire life seems to be mocked by arnie's repeated chants of , " we're not going anywhere , " but instead of expressing his dissatisfaction he lets his anger simmer , and it becomes clear that he is following in his father's footsteps in this regard . johnny depp expertly demonstrates the tension central to gilbert by playing everything below the surface , but he never gives in to one-dimensional blankness or simply regurgitates his naif roles in benny & joon and edward scissorhands . depp's performance is overshadowed , however , by leonardo dicaprio's astonishing oscar-nominated supporting work as arnie . he puts to shame such big name actors as john malkovich and dustin hoffman , whose mentally challenged characters never seemed completely real . dicaprio is perfect to the last twitch and squeal , and anyone who has ever spent time with mentally challenged kids will be hard-pressed to spot a flaw . darlene cates , a first-time actor , brings real pain to her scenes as gilbert's tortured mother , and laura harrington and mary kate schellhardt are solid as gilbert's sisters . only juliette lewis doesn't quite click , playing a critical role with her now familiar dopey drone and too little genuine spark . gilbert grape does seem to drift into its conclusion , but it never lost me . thanks to a lovingly created setting and a marvelous cast , this 1993 release proves well worth the wait .

some of my friends who went to live in usa complain about one thing - that country is very different from the one depicted in hollywood movies . that is especially true for those who end up somewhere in that unexplored land between los angeles and new york where they find , to their big surprise , that the majority of people vote republican , go to church every sunday and usually don't tolerate liberal attitudes that are taken for granted in an average american film . such rude awakening , however , can happen in another direction - conservative people are sometimes forced to discover unpleasant truths about world they live in . something like that happens to jake van dorn ( george c . scott ) , successful grand rapids businessman who shares strong calvinist convictions with the rest of his community . one day his daughter kristen ( ilah davis ) disappears from calvinist youth convention in california . van dorn is worried because he doesn't believe that his daughter would run from home . however , the truth delivered by private investigator andy mast ( peter boyle ) is even harder - kristen is spotted in cheap pornographic film . infuriated van dorn is unsatisfied with the way mast's investigation is going , so he goes to los angeles to search for kristen himself . unfortunately , he lacks experience and the quest , that brought him to the utter depths of sex underworld , is fruitless . things change when he devises cunning plan and , while doing it , stumbles on sympathetic prostitute and part time porno actress nicky ( season hubley ) . almost two decades after its release , hardcore is mostly forgotten by critics and film scholars . it is a real shame , because very few movies in today's hollywood would dare tackle controversial issues that writer and director paul schrader explored in his second directorial attempt . in late 1970s , it was totally different situation - films were expected to have mature , serious themes for the mature audience . for schrader this film was nice opportunity to expand the subplot of his previous work , taxi driver - one that deals with the great generational divide that tormented the american society in 1970s . on one side we have an old america that sticks to the puritan ideals of hard work and strict morals that made that country great . but that america is obviously unable to cope with the new challenges brought by the social turmoil in 1960s and , instead of facing them , prefers to live in rural , conservative cocoons . the new america , on the other hand , fares no better - ideals of the so-called " sexual revolution " , same as all other " revolutions " of the swinging sixties , degraded into exploitation and depravity . instead of being " liberated " , baby boomers are stuck with their own inability to cope with the newly discovered freedoms . schrader very cleverly brings the idea that those two americas , actually , aren't so far away - nice example is a brilliant scene in which van dorn , already described as an authoritarian and paternalistic capitalist , meets sleazy porno producer ; the latter one also turns out to be authoritarian , paternalistic and very dedicated to this job . the difference between the two is simply in the line of work . many contemporary critics actually accused schrader of promoting conservative agenda . on the surface , it may look that way - audience is forced to sympathise with van dorn and his quest . in the first scenes , he is portrayed as nice family man who actually doesn't deserve to experience parent's worst nightmare . the scene in the porno cinema that reveals kristen's fate is extremely cruel ; pain and humiliation , brought by oscar-winning actor george c . scott , is of such intensity , that the audience feels sorry for him and simply must support his agenda . van dorn is perhaps flawed , and the subtle hints lead to the unflattering truth at the end ; but the viewers simply know that his cause is just , and that prodigal daughter must be better off with her loving father than with the sleazy pornographers that only want to exploit her body . on the other hand , schrader , who grew up in an environment very much like van dorn's ( his own parents wouldn't allow him to watch movies until he was 18 ) , knows better and tries to bring another side of coin . even the people connected with sex underworld can show redeeming qualities - like nicky , who actually tries to improve her life , and sleazy detective who develops something like a conscience at the end . unfortunately , schrader fails to erase the impact of the shocking scene at the beginning , and his attempt to reconcile the opposing sides of america seems lost in somewhat clich ? d finale . the script is slightly flawed , and schrader as director doesn't show too much originality - his style seems too influenced by techniques that scorsese used in taxi driver . apart from the scenes in grand rapids , those two films even look alike . but the content might be more than interesting for today's viewer , especially those inspired by the current 70s revival . until boogie nights , no hollywood mainstream movie ever dared to explore the phenomenon of pornography in 1970s . hardcore , on the other hand , might serve as precious document , because it depicts sex film industry in the period often regarded as the golden age by connoisseurs - before the advent of video , when many of the porno filmmakers could afford to think of themselves as artists . the view of such age and the industry is very unflattering , though , but for the film whose main character takes time to explain calvinist doctrines to the audience , that shouldn't be too surprising . anyway , despite some flaws , hardcore remains very interesting and powerful piece of cinema .

plot : a young man who loves heavy metal music and especially the band steel dragon , to whom he's devoted a tribute band in which he sings , gets launched into stardom when the real group get rid of their lead singer and call on him to take his place . critique : i'm a sucker for movies like this . a young man with a humble background and lofty dreams , works hard , devotes the time , the energy and the patience , and ultimately hits it big-time . in the case of this film , our boy loves a certain heavy metal band and as luck would have it ( yup , luck always finds its way into these types of equations , although generally tied very closely to hard work ) , they need a new singer . his entry and adaptation to the whole " rock 'n roll " lifestyle fills the rest of the film and is really fun to watch . although i will preface this by saying that one thing that would definitely enhance your appreciation for this film is your own love ( or past love ) of heavy metal music and the whole scene around it . metal was one of my first loves as a teen and even though the genre of music isn't that prominent anymore , i still check out my motley crue , twisted sister and anthrax cds every now and again . that's not to say that you won't like this film if you don't like the music , but the music and live performances from the band , play a big part in the movie , and i for one , had a blast watching and listening to it all . but the even greater draw in this film is the standout performance given here by mark wahlberg . wow , hand this fella some major props , as he totally becomes this heavy metal geek/god ( incidentally , metal god was the film's original title , and a much better one if you ask me ) . he is this movie and i was quite taken by his character pretty much the whole way through . he came off like a regular guy with extremely passionate goals and work ethic , who was willing to do anything in order to fulfill his dreams . aniston was also surprisingly good as the girlfriend ( and the romance angle between them was sweet ) , but she didn't pull me in hard enough during their emotional scenes . i was also impressed by some of the " real " musicians who played in the film ( zakk wylde from ozzy osbourne , jeff pilson from dokken , stephan jenkins from third eye blind , blas elias from slaughter ) , but actor dominic west as kirk cuddy made the biggest impression among the band members . it's to note that this film was based on a real-life tale of a young man who used to sing in a judas priest cover band and then went on to become their actual singer ( their original singer also admitted to being gay , as in this film ) . just for the record , i'm certainly not recommending this film for its originality or surprise elements , since most of this stuff has already been covered in some way or another in other movies , but because it's a fun , uplifting , well-paced movie with a solid central showing by wahlberg and energetic live performances . oh yeah , and for those who dig the " heavier " side of music , the soundtrack also rocks ! ! you see . . . dreams can come true . . . where's joblo coming from ? almost famous ( 8/10 ) - blow ( 8/10 ) - boogie nights ( 9/10 ) - detroit rock city ( 8/10 ) - girlfight ( 6/10 ) - goodfellas ( 10/10 )

seen september 5 , 1998 at 10 p . m . at the sony nickelodeon theaters ( boston , ma ) , theater #2 , with matt perreault for free using my sony/loews critic's pass . [theater rating : * * 1/2 : okay seats , sound , and picture] modern society is now inundated with more sex and sexuality than it ever has been before , from teenage sitcoms to nc-17-rated films about fetishes . the biggest debate of the subject is whether or not it affects reality or just reflects it . " your friends and neighbors " takes a different approach as it's a film that revolves almost entirely around sex and how can be used for both pain and pleasure even within a small circle of friends . one of the most important aspects of the film that most be noted and analyzed before the film can really be dissected as a whole is writer/director neil labute's basic setup and some of the unique methods he employs to tell the story . firstly , and most importantly is the fact the script tells a rather complex , detailed story of lust , betrayal , arrogance , hypocrisy , greed , and just plain stupidity between six different characters ( three men , three women ) , without hardly any supporting characters , ( a few have a line or two ) , mostly extras . everything they do will somehow affect another character and ultimately come full-circle back to themselves , whether it be positive or negative . but to just state this is arbitrary , and explaining and criticizing the process is difficult . labute's ability to tell his story through a few characters is a remarkable feat , but what's specifically impressive is the fact the characters' names are never revealed until the end credits roll . for the sake of this review , i will describe the characters and refer to them as their main characteristic . another interesting accomplishment is the fact every scene takes place inside with limited focus . we're always able to tell where the characters are ( someone's home , the gym , a restaurant , hotel room , etc . ) , but what the city they live in , what year it is , what the society is like , etc . is relatively unknown . the film is a complete character study with the tight , intense drama of the theater . no one plot dominates the story , which makes the first act a bit tedious for its lack of background . we're simply dropped in on the characters' lives and are expected to figure out the rest . the characters are a group of middle-class white people who are all successful at what they do , but they're only concern right now seems to be their sex lives . first there's barry ( eckhart ) and mary ( brenneman ) , a married couple who are going through a dry spell not unlike many other couples in other situations who don't know what they're problem is . barry is kind of a dorky businessman who loves his wife , and the sex they have , but doesn't have a lot of ambition - he just follows everyone else . mary is a writer of some sort , but lacks aggression and emotion like her husband and is the meekness character , but ironically , doesn't hesitate to commit adultery just to feel something . labute's script does a good job in characterizing mary and barry as individuals , but is very light on chemistry and connection between the two . obviously , this is the theme , which is enhanced by the actors' good performances , but at the same time seems just a bit hollow . another couple is jerry ( stiller ) and terri ( keener ) who live together and seem to have been involved with each other for a long time , yet they constantly argue over anything and everything . their sex life is also fraught with problems and for some reason they continue to do it throughout their infidelitous relationship . if only one aspect of the film could use improvement , it would be this area . it's natural for a married couple to become bored with each other , but why would two people who can barely stand each other continue to have sex and live together ? what did they ever see in the other person to begin with ? labute never really answers , but since the film is more concerned with the payoff than the process , it still makes for good drama , tension , and manip ulation so intricate and deceitful it's fascinating . two other characters act as catalysts , cary ( jason patric ) and cheri ( natassja kinski ) . cary is an arrogant , hostile sex-maniac who defines the word " bastard . " somehow he is able to bend women to his will , either through charm or just attitude , into getting his way . he's the kind of guy everyone should stay away from as we realize he's secretly perverted , but somehow barry finds comfort in his company , although jerry is always nervous around him . patric gives an outstanding performance , so much so that we want to know more about him despite how intimidating and unlikable he is . cheri is a character labute uses as a catalyst to see how the other characters react to her . she works in an art museum and at some point throughout the film , each character will engage her in almost the exact same conversation and her reaction is always different , from becoming involved in a relationship with one , to brushing it off as small talk with another , to being outright appalled by yet another . she's a sweet woman , perhaps the most normal of any of the characters , and although her symbolism is obvious , her role as the outsider is the most relatable . i will not reveal who cheats on who and how each character is specifically affected by the others' action , as that's the hook of the film . the first two acts begin to set up the characters and each's scenarios , but it's often difficult to tell what they will do about it and with whom . the result is sometimes surprising , other times predictable , but the actual course of actions is always fascinating . for a while everyone has their fun , but ultimately each character's guilt , attitude , or ignorance will disserve them . one of the most important things to note is how realistic the story is supposed to be . since the characters only interact with each other there isn't much pop culture references , as almost everything has a deeper philosophy behind it . are we to assume that these people are , as the title states , our friends and neighbors ? i don't know of anyone going through the same situations as these people . often times the film is not unlike a network melodrama , other times situations are like those not seen outside a porno movie . but what this film does have that the others don't is repercussions in the end . although the film creates its own reality , it goes to show that even the immoral aren't immortal . in what way " your friends and neighbors " is supposed to work is open to interpretation . it definitely has a lot to say about the price that comes with infidelity , but it could have been even better had it expanded on that theme more specifically . still , it's an accomplishment in film-making because it has put a timeless theme into a modern perspective .

synopsis : a maniac , crazed by virulent microphage , slaughters more than twenty people , including a street gang and heavily-armed troops , with a small knife . even with a handgun , however , he can't take out the two cops who are after him , despite having shot one of them a total of seven times . comments : the most notable aspect of adrenalin : fear the rush is that it marks a striking career move for natasha henstridge . not only does she manage to keep all her clothes on ( her trademark in earlier films such as species and maximum risk was to strip naked as often as possible ) , but she actually puts on even more clothes as the film progresses . this will probably disappoint many henstridge fans , but i welcome the change because henstridge is an attractive , capable actress who deserves less exploitative roles ( though , i admit , it doesn't show in this mess ) . henstridge , just like every other actor in the film , delivers a wooden performance in this monumental turkey . ( the cast also includes christopher lambert , who has appeared in the highlander and mortal kombat films . ) how on earth this movie got two big-name stars to appear in it is beyond me . adrenalin : fear the rush is set in boston ten years in the future ( 2007 ) . boston has changed dramatically in those ten years . it is now home to a bunch of interred foreigners and policed by cops who drive around in small cars with " policia " printed on their doors . some guy has a really bad virus , and he's killing people because of it . so , the brave good guys ( lambert and henstridge ) go after him . that's it . 76 minutes never seemed so long . this is a drawn-out chase scene through dimly-lit abandoned buildings turned into an entire movie . the plot development is nil ; we learn absolutely nothing about lambert's character and very little about henstridge's character . the dialogue is littered with unnecessary obscenities and concerns mindnumbingly idiotic arguments over who will go down the next dark corridor/tunnel/airduct next and who will carry the flashlight . a subplot does exist involving henstridge's character's illegal attempt to get her son out of boston . in her opening monologue , a monologue which sounds as though henstridge was reading from cue cards , we learn that she has gone to great lengths to secure a fake passport for her son . twenty minutes into the film , i wondered if the movie would have been better if it focused on this plot . in a defining scene of the movie , however , i changed my mind . this fake passport drops to the ground . lambert's cop immediately recognizes it as a fraud from six feet away . must not have been a good fake . this emphasizes another fault with the film . things just defy common sense . lambert's cop , for instance , is shot seven times , yet he is still able to talk and slide about . adrenalin : fear the rush ends in a trite manner that doesn't seem to even fit the mood that the filmmakers were trying for . i found myself rather bored with this film , which will disappoint both sci-fi/horror fans and fans of henstridge and lambert . don't fear the rush . fear the movie . watch something else .

this is the best british gangster film since the long good friday . jon bennet ( played by andrew howard ) is an extremely good assassin . as such he is probably an evil man but it does not worry him . he has become an unquestioning weapon . he is in the employ of a kingpin ( david calder ) far more evil than he is . but even assassins have innocent pasts . he runs into an old from school days and he is married to a mutual girl friend from school . complicating matters is that they live near where he had a recent job and their young daughter may have seen him at the crime . a big piece of what makes this film work is the depiction of the kingpin . calder is a familiar actor in britain , though not frequently seen in the us . he was seen in the world is not enough . here he creates one of the best screen villains in recent years . he is at once seductive and repellent like a beautiful venomous snake . his lair is underground , apparently in a sewer , where he lives like the king of sewer rats . it is the kingpin who pulls the strings that will control bennet's life . paul sarossy who directs spent most of his career as a cinematographer and like the kingpin's lair , he has molded images of class and style out of the darkness . by using semi-darkness and letting the colors of deep blue and black dominate every scene he makes the film visually as ominous as anything in this nether world . this is a world that is cold and unfriendly . sorossy creates a world of violence much more by what we hear than what we see . this is a film with a great deal of physical violence occurring just out of reach . we see very little but we hear a great deal more and we imagine more than that . the screenplay is by peter waddington based on the novel by neil cross , but it is sarossy's film all the way . it creates indelible images of evil . i rate it an 8 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low +3 on the -4 to +4 scale . ( i do hope they do not use the tagline " don't mess with mr . in-between . " )

i've always been told that there are two things in life that are unavoidable - death and taxes . oddly , i've never given much thought to either of the two . maybe if i did , at least i'd stop getting collection notices from uncle sam . yes , let me make a resolution to devote myself to better record keeping , hold on to all my receipts , and to do what it takes to have the satisfaction that my returns are mistake-free and will keep me from incurring penalties . it seems that the issue of death may not be so different , at least envisioned here in this film . as this tender love story goes , if you do good things and have a clear conscience when you die , you ascend to a place of great peace and beauty . the dreams , wishes , and fantasies that you had when you were alive come true . for those who die with a burdened soul , however , they wind up in that other place . chris and annie ( a winsome robin williams and a radiant annabella sciorra ) seem like the perfect couple that deserve all that heaven has to offer . their love for each other is strong and their bond is undeniable . but tragic events eventually tear apart the fabric of annie's happiness . and when chris dies after a terrible car accident , she commits suicide - a tortured soul who blames herself . despair is perhaps the greatest sin , and she will wallow in her guilt throughout eternity . chris , on the other hand , has made it to heaven , and upon learning of annie's fate , he journeys to hell to find her and to try to free her from her nightmare . this film brims with imagination , containing a lush imagery that shows the arcadia that is heaven and the bitterness and frightfulness that is hell . it seems that heaven and hell could very well be a product of our fantasies or nightmares . it's shape and look is as infinite as our imagination . as chris explores his new fantastic world and discovers things both amazing and wondrous , he also begins to learn more about himself . certain questions baffle him at first . why does his home in heaven ooze with paint ? what is the significance of the asian stewardess ? why does he have an all-too-willing guide ( cuba gooding , jr . ) to help him find annie ? but as he slowly begins to realize the answers , it makes him stronger and gives him a greater chance to save annie . " dreams " is both visually and tellingly beautiful . alas , i have one regret . the movie did well to gather more and more emotional speed , but the denouement was curiously unsatisfying . it seemed as if it was racing to some kind of great finish , but its intensity seemed to wane in its final moments . however , your eyes will still well up with tears and you'll find lots to savor . the storytelling is purposeful and well constructed . the journey is imaginative . and i was surprised by how much i enjoyed this film .

there was probably a good reason that the warner bros . studio chose not to allow critics to view this steven seagal film when it first opened . and , after seeing this piece of toxic waste , i now know why . this movie is by far the worst offering that has hit the screen since possibly those ernest movies years ago . fire down below centers its story on a little mining town in god's country , somewhere in eastern kentucky . it's beauty and natural goodness is being slowly destroyed by an uncaring mining magnate ( kris kristopherson , who constantly looks like he wants to kill his agent for getting him this role ) . it turns out that he's filling the mines throughout kentucky with toxic waste for a tidy profit . seagal plays jack taggert , an aikido-versed , fighting machine , who is an agent with the epa . no . . . not the cia nor the fbi nor the nsa . it's the environmental protection agency . i had no idea that epa agents were trained to be killers ! taggert is sent to find the perpetrators and to bring them to justice . written by someone named jeb , i could already envision the stereotypes of incestuous relationships , banjo-picking preachers , and dumb-as-nails rednecks . but the script puts seagal right smack dab in the middle of all of these scenarios as he tries to discreetly fit in . seagal's idea of a disguise is a long-length $1000 leather jacket . but to get closer to the kinfolk , he will fix people's porches for free . that's another great epa asset - teaching agents how to fix porches . slow and plodding , this project is a total mess . the sometimes allure of watching seagal is watching him outmaneuver enemies that outnumber and outgun him like in under seige . here , his bravado basically turns into bullyness . townsfolk who are foolish enough to challenge seagal are quickly subdued . fight scenes are quick and senseless and offers no enjoyment value whatsoever . and his soap box message wears thin within the first 15 minutes . the most annoying moment comes when he barges into the middle of a sunday church ceremony , gets behind the pulpit , and beseeches the townsfolk to take control of their lives and to help clean up the environment . but the epitome of how moralistically mushy this film gets happens when the person responsible for the toxic dumping , kristopherson , meets up with seagal . kristopherson asks seagal how much it will take for him to go away . seagal gallantly replies : " i'll leave when you take the poison from the streams and the earth . " i was expecting patriotic music to start blasting and a show of fireworks in the background . this is truly nothing more than a pompous showcase for seagal's righteousness and narcissistic arrogance . seagal has been vanguard in trying to bring a new genre into the filmplace , that of the enviro-thriller ( on deadly ground ) . however , the message will never come across through poorly developed vehicles like this . still , i believe in preserving mother earth , so save your $5 and please donate it instead to some worthy environmentally conscious charity .

supposedly based on a true story in which the british drive to build a rail bridge deep in africa grinds to a halt after a pair of lions start killing off the workers in 1898 . john patterson ( val kilmer ) , the bridge building expert set to oversee the operation , tried to rid his operation of the lions , but fails . a world renound hunter , remington ( michael douglas ) , is called in and the battle , man against lion , begins . this film has a great soundtrack , and wonderful scenery . the acting is not too bad except the characters are all so thin . we only see one side of each character . kilmer is a bridge builder and that's all we see him as . these lions kill dozens of his men and he doesn't even appear to be too upset about it . and the plot ? it's jaws , but with lions . again we're presented with an animal that behaves not at all as it should . it appears to kill men because it just likes too . why ? who knows . i guess there wouldn't be much of a story if it didn't . the problem is that there isn't much of a story even though it does .

with a team of 200 graphic artists and animators working on this first film production from game developer squaresoft's square pictures , final fantasy , inspired by the top-selling game franchise , is visually awe-inspiring and groundbreaking . no doubt , you have never seen anything like this film , and the hyperbolic fanfare surrounding its release is absolutely deserved . but why does such a tremendous feat of eye candy have to be weighted down with a problematic story , wooden dialogue and generally uncharismatic voice acting ? obviously , the primary goal of the film is to stun and amaze audiences with extremely sophisticated cgi . everything you see in the film is rendered in great detail : individual threads in the fabric , individual strands of hair swaying , wrinkles and pimples on skin , incredible water effects . overall , the expressions and lip movements fairly accurately match the emotions and dialogue ; and the times when they don't sync perfectly really stand out , since the animation is usually so dazzling . but you won't spend much time dwelling on those gaffes -- as soon as you catch one , the next stellar monster or effect will have you muttering , " wow . . . " like the series of games , final fantasy's plot and characters have little to do with its predecessors , outside of being born from the same japanese mastermind , hironobu sakaguchi . it's the year 2065 , and humans are prisoners in caged cities of their own making that guard them from an outside world now overrun with deadly alien " phantoms . " whenever a human comes in contact with the ghostly visitors , the often-invisible beings pass through the body and wrench out its soul ( for some unexplainable reason ) . while many humans agree with a plan by monomaniacal general hein ( james woods ) to blast the aliens with a " zeus cannon , " dr . aki ross ( ming-na ) and dr . sid ( donald sutherland ) plan to build a " wave " using eight collected " spirits " to counteract the phantoms and kill them off . while the images serve the sci-fi aspect of the film well , the storytelling doesn't . it's unfortunate , because the plot seems so intricately thought out . perhaps it was far too complex and enormous to be entirely incorporated into the script . some could blame this weakness on the fact that it was a japanese concept translated to english , except two americans wrote the screenplay . nevertheless , the end result is an elaborate story complicated by confusing holes . why do these aliens feed on souls ? if they can pass through bodies and ships , how can humans hurt them with guns ? what is so special about the " spirits " that they would create a force strong enough to destroy the aliens ? worse yet , the dialogue is scripted to be either like a science-heavy star trek episode , an installment of die hard , or a sappy love story , depending on who's doing the talking . for the most part , it's bearable considering the genre , but tedious speeches and cheesy lines don't do anything to help the actors and can get annoying in the longer scenes . the only exception is steve buscemi as pilot neil fleming , who always has great cracks during tense moments . but , when the lights come up and the credits roll , you're more likely to be remarking on how fantastic the film looked . there's no question that the roughly 33 million people who have bought at least one final fantasy game will be eager to see this movie , and so should anyone who enjoys being floored by the best cg animation ever put to film . you'd be living in a fantasy world of your own if you expected much more .

i admit it . i thought arnold schwarzenegger had a knack for comedy when he made twins and true lies . watching him in jingle all the way , i wondered why anyone ever thought he could carry such a lame movie targeted at susceptible kids . it was one thing to scare the crap out of kids with the pg-13 kindergarten cop , but parents who let small children see this movie will have to explain themes of violence , alcohol consumption , burglary , racism and child molestation . and you know they'll burst out in tears when arnold punches one of santa's elves . he later decks a reindeer . hey , man , why don't you just kick the easter bunny in the nuts while you're at it ? jingle all the way is formula crap that follows the if someone falls on his ass , it must be funny school of thought . arnold , sinbad and phil hartman crash to the ground more times in this movie than a special olympics hockey team , and the movie dredges up more cliche and less believability with each successive scene . what can you expect from a movie whose entire premise is that two parents can't find a rare toy on christmas eve , and will do anything to get one ? arnold is , of course , one of the parents , a crack salesman who is never there for his son . he races from the office to his son's karate game , only to find out he missed it . and his kid distrusts him because he's never around . ( gee , we haven't seen that in a movie before . ) arnold the absentee father becomes convinced that the only way to buy back his son's affection is to get him a turboman doll , which his wife ( rita wilson , who will never be the breadwinner of the hanks household choosing roles like this ) told him to get weeks ago . so arnold sets out to find a turboman , which turns out to be more rare than the tickle me elmo was when jingle all the way came out . let me back up for a minute here -- arnold's kid is totally obsessed with this turboman character , which is unhealthy beyond belief . watches the show , eats the cereal , sleeps on the freakin' turboman sheets . i'd try to discourage any further obsession myself , lest any kid seeing this movie think it's a wonderful thing to con your dad into racing out to buy you any toy you want . but nooooo , the climax of jingle all the way has arnold dressed up as turboman in a parade , exonerating himself of all wrongdoing in the eyes of wife and son , who don't recognize him until the last minute . this is a sad movie all the way through , but it only gets worse after the opening scenes of arnold and mailman sinbad stampeding through a store , racing off to the mall and hooking up with a santa ( jim belushi ) who runs a bootleg toy factory . most painful to watch is a scene at a radio station , where sinbad holds off the cops with a letter bomb after beating up the deejay ( an embarrassed martin mull ) who said he was giving away a turboman doll . capitalism has produced some pretty evil things ( chia pets ) , but this ode to excess and violent consumerism is one of the most shameful . never mind the subplot with perfect neighbor phil hartman trying to seduce wilson while arnold is off shopping ( " your cookies are incredible " ) , it's the main plot of the movie that sends the message that it's okay to do whatever it takes to get your hands on what you want . maybe that's what christmas is like at the schwarzenegger house , but not at mine .

the rocky horror picture show 'special edition' ( 1975 ) starring : tim curry and susan sarandon cult films are never mainstream . the casual viewer of a cult film will look at it and be repulsed and confused , yelling out 'what the hell is that ? ' . fans of these sorts of movies will be laughing at every other second at all the 'hidden jokes' they missed the first time around while normal movie watchers will look at them like they're insane . the rocky horror picture show , recently re-released in a 'special edition' to video , is the mother of all cult films . period . like some other cult films , most notably little shop of horrors , the rocky horror picture show is a musical with a twisted edge to it . this movie begins out innocently enough- a couple get engaged at a friend's wedding and get a flat tire in the middle of the night while it's raining . they go to a castle to try to use the phone . little do they know that the castle is owned by dr . frank n . furter , a mad transexual transvestite scientist who has recently created a creature he will use for personal reasons . the acting is pretty good overall . tim curry ( home alone 2 , legend ) is over-the-top as frank n . furter . it's interesting to see that this movie was one of future oscar winner susan sarandon's ( dead man walking ) first film- she plays janet , the girlfriend of brad majors . even the singer meatloaf is in it ! ! the songs are all very good yet twisted in their own way . a sampling of titles range from damn it , janet to touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me . all the actors sing their songs with no dubbing from other actors- kind of a bad thing . barry bostwick ( brad majors ) tries to sing as does susan sarandon , but tim curry is clearly the most professional having extensive stage experience . meatloaf sings like meatloaf . the new special edition contains two original movie trailers of the film as well as two songs deleted from the original version . sadly , the songs are tacked after the credits- kind of defeats the purpose . if you want to see a different film , watch this one ! !

when _star wars_ came out some twenty years ago , the image of traveling throughout the stars has become a commonplace image . when the millenium falcon moves throughout the stars , we see constellations , meteor showers , and cool space-ships . when han solo goes light speed , the stars change to bright lines , going towards the viewer in lines that converge at an invisible point . cool . _october sky_ offers a much simpler image--that of a single white dot , traveling horizontally across the night sky . was it really only forty years ago , when sputnik was launched , and that before then , no satellites ever existed ? have we become so technologically advanced that we have forgotten that it was nearly two generations ago where people stood outside to breathlessly see a then-technological achievement , even though it was from the russians ? it sounds hokey , but when that scene occurs near the beginning of _october sky_ , i found myself caught up with the enthusiasm of homer hickam , played by jake gyllenhaal . determined to make a dent in the space race , he becomes transfixed with his desire to make a rocket that could fly like the best of them . it is films like this that we know the ending as we buy the ticket . when lovely teacher miss riley ( played by laura dern ) , suggests that he enters his findings into the national science fair , we know exactly who is going to win . but the joy in a film like this is in the little details . for example , homer is clearly not the strongest student in his class . if he has any strengths whatsoever , it is an undeterring vision , and a good organizer . it means that he may have to lose his reputation by associating with the nerdiest kid in school , who knows more about rocket science than he does . it means that if his father forbids him to shoot rockets on company property ( that is , the entire coal-mining town ) , he must walk eight miles one way , just to set up the rockets , which will fail , fail , fail , and fail again . homer+s dad is played by chris cooper , a favorite actor of mine since _lone star_ . here he plays the antithesis of the character he played in _matewan_ : instead of organizing union rallies , he is the head of the coal-miners , who is constantly wringing his hands against the unions . this is will be one of the great unnoticed performances of the year : note how multi-dimensional his character is . he is his son+s last nemesis , as one who most likely interferes with his son+s dreams . but he truly loves his son , and wants to see him succeed the only way he knows how . through coal-mining . because of his character , we can see how far we+ve come . the revolution of modern technology has allowed for us to see society advanced at a rate far faster than any generation before us . we don+t understand that there were the generations from the industrial revolution who knew of no other way to raise a family . the paradigm was shifting under the father+s feet , and he knew of no other life . so _october sky_ , far from being merely a feel-good inspirational film , offers much food for thought . and this is the best type of inspirational film ; the one that you take something with you . btw , the final image of the film is just as simple , is as strong a contrast as the aforementioned horizontal-moving white dot against the night-sky background . another commonplace image , to be sure , but it must have been breathtaking forty years ago .

guilt . guilt is something i felt while watching basic instinct for the ninth time ; the penultimate t & a thriller , basic instinct made my last few teenage years worth living . but i know so well that it's a terrible film , made by a terrible director incapable of feeling guilt . verhoeven went on to make the even more offensive showgirls and , on november seventh , 1997 , unleashed starship troopers to innocent moviegoers like me , who cannot control the urge to see giant bug movies . the pic begins with the most unintentional laugh of the year . a simple , white on black title card reads " starship troopers " -my friends and i speculated that the night before the prints were shipped , verhoeven realized he forgot the credits . is this how a hundred million dollar movie should open ? were the rest of the film that subdued . . . starship troopers is about a group of white , blond-haired himbos and bimbos who all have spanish last names . they graduate high school , join the military , and then , rather curiously , decide to travel to an alien planet and destroy all lifeforms on that planet . the story is so incomprehensible , and told so bombastically , it's akin to 129 minutes of someone screaming punishments at you in a foreign tongue . ( aside , club lovers will be happy to know that dance music hasn't changed in the future . ) one plus : starship troopers contains some very funny sequences , specifically the newsreels of the future . hysterically funny , actually . but the cynicism of these reports left me curious as to whether verhoeven felt pessimistic about the story in between . the storytelling lacks focus , to say the least . the politics of the film are scary . the actions of the major female characters are dictated by their out-of-control libidos . there's even a creepy sex scene : the lovely dina meyer makes out , nude , with the sickening van dien while half her face is covered by her opaque sweater , just the way he seems to like it . i use the term sickening because van dien is the least appealing actor i've encountered in a big budget picture ; all chiseled features and machismo , he even barks a eulogy at a funeral like military orders . of course , verhoeven's probably the one to blame , and perhaps i'm jealous because i'm so disgusting . at any rate , a movie called starship troopers shouldn't be about sex . exactly ten years ago , verhoeven made robocop , which was about nothing but skillfully made and oddly moving . and r-rated , despite its goofy premise . maybe it's asking too much for verhoeven to make a pg-movie , then-he's a master of insipid violence . however , ten year old boys would adore starship troopers if they could see it .

imagine this . you're given a sword and a shield and very basic , minimal training . a man you don't know tells you that this will be the last day that you will live . you are thrown into an arena with thousands of spectators wanting to see you die . you frantically monitor several closed doors which , in seconds , will release vicious enemies prepared to destroy you . you watch as the innocent friends you made in the last few days are murdered in cold blood . if you are lucky enough to survive this chaos thrown at you , you know you're going to have to do it all over again tomorrow . eventually know matter how strong or skilled you are , you're going to die . this is the life of a gladiator . you'll never have to be a gladiator and after seeing ridley scott's powerful gladiator , you'll be thankful for that . with his new film , scott has returned cinema to the fascinating age of the ancient roman empire . and like those preceding it , spartacus and ben hur , gladiator has nearly everything going for it - a strong lead actor , a wonderful supporting cast , eye-catching special effects , and a great script . since the two aforementioned films came out before the prime target viewers of gladiator ( teenagers to thirty-year-old males ) were around , a whole new genre may just be reborn and revisited . >from a weak beginning , the film starts off extremely gloomy and inauspicious . rome's best general maximus ( russell crowe ) , who has helped the empire conquer nearly everywhere they have attempted , is currently ( in the year 180 a . d . that is ) waging a war against germania . scott shoots the gory battle in an awkward style , similar to that of saving private ryan but much less effective . it's blurry , in slow motion , and the sound is muted . as soon as this artistic method began , it was hard to tell what was what and who was who . it's a good thing scott stops this after the first twenty minutes or else gladiator would have been torture to watch . instead , the general swears he will get out after this battle . he wants to go back to his family and his crops , he wants a quiet life . but , unexpectedly , he gets anything but that . the dying emperor of rome , marcus aurelius ( richard harris ) , decides to have maximus appointed new emperor of rome once he dies . he asks maximus to restore the republic by giving more power to the senators . all of this does not go well for aurelius' son , commodus ( joaquin phoenix ) who was expecting his father to name him the new emperor . jealous and upset , commodus kills his own father , names himself emperor , kills maximus' wife and son , and attempts to kill maximus . but maximus is able to escape his own death and vows to kill commodus and fulfill marcus aurelius' wishes . now a slave , the only way he can win his own freedom and complete his goal is to become a winning gladiator , who eventually are released for their success . a story of betrayal and promises , gladiator is more than just a mindless action flick . you actually care about the characters , sometimes even the evil villain commodus , who is just a young man as determined to make rome one way as maximus is determined to make it the other way . phoenix plays his character brilliantly . think of commodus as the percy wetmore ( of pant-wetter the green mile ) of the roman empire - a whiny , sleazy , " respect-me-because-my-father-was-a-good-man " brat who hates when he's not the center of attention . every scene we see commodus , he's either crying or he looks like he has just been crying . phoenix has definitely matured as an actor since to die for , and gladiator shows he's more than just river's little brother . crowe is also excellent as the film's grisly-faced hero . maximus is one of the few characters in recent cinema who actually has emotions . this guy actually acts like a anyone in his situation would act , he's no invincible superhero who only blurts out one-liners , he ( believe it or not ) acts like a human being ! the rest of the cast , including richard harris , djimon hounsou , walter hill , derek jacobi , and connie nielsen are also first rate . ridley scott , using outstanding special effects , has brilliantly recreated the roman coliseum , the loudness of the roman mob , and the city of rome in general . the visuals are breathtaking and voluminous , like a cleopatra of the year 2000 . the costuming is also wonderful from the detailed shields and armor to the exquisite dress of the upper-class politicians . gladiator is another movie you have to see on the big screen to get the most out of the experience . along with u-571 , action fans should have plenty to see in theaters this week and should expect much more excitement to come this summer of 2000 .

tibet has entered the american consciousness slowly during the past few years and burst into the forefront recently . the dalai lama has made speaking tours , tibetan designs and artifacts are showing up in shops , the plight of the people has captured the imagination of major actors and artists and now there are two big budget films within as many months . " kundun " ( " presence " , a name the monks call the young dalai lama ) opens in 1937 with the search for the 14th incarnation of the tibetan leader . a group of monks enters a village and a two-year-old child catches their attention . the young boy proves himself by identifying possessions of the previous holy man as " mine " . he and his family are then moved to a monastery in lhassa where he is to be prepared to take his position as the religious and political leader of the country . he is forced into difficult decisions when china invades the country in 1950 . the peaceful and isolated country is ill-equipped to fight off the intruders and diplomatic attempts over the next years yield no results . eventually he must make the painful choice to flee to neighboring india . comparisons to " seven years in tibet " are inevitable . both films cover much of the same ground although the earlier movie does so from a westerner's point of view and features boxoffice draw brad pitt . " kundun " features only native actors and is more of an insider's story . in some ways , this makes this film a superior concept , but it lacks the movement and spark that made " seven years " such an audience-pleaser . the actors contribute to the realistic feel of the movie ( filmed in morocco for obvious reasons ) . the only disappointment is chairman mao who looks like a wax dummy and moves as if he were a computer-generated character . on an intellectual level , it is interesting to see how two different approaches handle the same facts . some events are depicted differently and pitt's austrian mountain-climber who was portrayed as a pivotal influence in the dalai lama's life isn't even mentioned here . glossed over in " seven years " , the problems with the tibetan political system is hinted at here as the dalai lama muses " we were just about to change things " after the chinese attack . the film is magnificently beautiful thanks primarily to the cinematography of roger deakins . his lingering camera shows the exotic tibetan culture with luscious detail . especially striking is an extreme moving close up of a sand mandala grain by grain . the visual treats more than make up for the movie's faults creating a poetic meditation for the audience . walking out of the theater you feel like you have awakened from a transcendental experience . martin scorsese , known for his dark tales of the underworld ( " goodfellas " , " taxi driver " , " casino " ) has shifted gears . something of a thematic follow-up to his " the last temptation of christ " , this is his slowest film yet . oddly enough for a director with a history of graphic violence presenting a history filled with atrocities by the chinese , most of these events take place off-screen . his decision to not over-explain rituals is commendable . the stumbling oracle who spits out his prophecies while in a trance state is much more effective as a mystery than if we were spoon-fed interpretations . philip glass's score is impressive although at times it is too overwhelming and distracting . i talked to a tibetan i met outside the theater who had just seen the film and was walking back in to see it again . hearing his description of how he escaped from tibet at the age of seven and how his father was one of the soldiers accompanying the dalai lama during his trip to india , i was struck by what was missing in the movie . as grand as it looks and as historically accurate as it is , there is a distance between the audience and the movie . the film is more concerned with visuals and history and less so with human beings . with the exception of a few scenes , involvement with the characters is slight . one of those exceptions is the portrayal of the young dalai lama , shown as a mischievous boy who can't resist being a kid sometimes . an encounter with his older brother thubten j . norbu ( a retired indiana university professor ) who tells the young leader the chinese have ordered him to persuade him to accept communist rule or kill him is an outstanding moment , but there aren't many of these . even with its problems , the " kundun " experience is phenomenal , but one that i fear most will miss . many people who saw " seven years in tibet " will have a " been there , done that " attitude . it's likely that the film will miss a wide-spread appeal and public response will be the sound of one hand clapping .

when casting the key part of the voice of moses , most people's first candidate would probably not be the controversial actor val kilmer ( the saint and the island of dr . moreau ) , but he was dreamworks's choice in their first traditionally animated movie , the prince of egypt . the selection of kilmer proved to be a wise one , but the biggest risk dreamworks took wasn't in the casting department . the radical departure was that they decided to use the medium of animation to make a biblical epic , a la cecil b . demille , to move our hearts and minds rather than to tickle our funny bones . in the press kit producer penney cox says that they wanted to make a film for adults based on sophisticated themes but one that did not exclude children . animated movies for adults that are appropriate for kids and that are not comedies , now that is something fresh . let me admit up-front that i was quite skeptical as to whether dreamworks could pull it off . dreamworks's antz seemed to be a movie not quite appropriate for any age group . the prince of egypt may be harder to market than antz , but it is much more satisfying . like antz and unlike the more modest casting of pixar's a bug's life , the prince of egpyt has half of hollywood doing the voices . danny glover is the voice of jethro , jeff goldblum of aaron , steve martin of hotep , helen mirren of the queen , michelle pfeiffer of tzipporah , martin short of huy and patrick stewart of seti . you can figure out for yourself who does the voice of god . the movie , which is weakest in the story department , is a cliff's notes version of demille's the ten commandments . the script by kelly asbury and lorna cook has an obsession with touching briefly on every classic event in moses's life . demille took over three and a half hours in order to do it justice . at less than half of that , the prince of egypt rushes through so much material that it doesn't establish sufficient depth for us to bond with the characters . we meet moses when the queen finds him floating in his little basket . we watch him grow up and become best bud and a chariot racing partner to ramses ( ralph fiennes ) , the future pharaoh . moses is a free spirit and a practical joker until he finds out his true identity as a jew . ( " all i've ever known to be true is a lie , " moses complains . ) after finding out his real identity , he sees for the first time the oppression of the jewish slaves that are all around him . after leaving egypt , moses comes back to ask ramses to let moses's people go . this leads to the classic scene of the parting of the red sea , which is one of many places where computers were used to enhance the traditionally hand-drawn animation of the most of the production . it is the absolutely stunning visuals that make the movie so compelling . drawn with a rich palette of luxurious roses , blues and golds , the picture looks sumptuous from its first frame to its last . the construction of the temple is shown in blowing dust , and other scenes are shot with the glow of a rising sun . the most original visual sequence in the film occurs during a dream moses has . done with an explicit two-dimensional look , the colorful images painted on the temple walls come to life to tell their own animated story . even though it has its weaknesses , the prince of egypt is a noble attempt to carve out a new genre -- serious animated movies for adults that are acceptable for the entire family . this awe-inspiring movie deserves to be seen . the prince of egypt runs about 1 : 30 . it is rated pg for thematic elements and would be fine for the whole family . how old a kid would need to be to be interested depends on the child , but those over 8 will probably like it .

this is the first film in what would become the most successful series of horror films of all time . a fair warning to those of you who might be inclined to watch this movie for the first appearance of everyone's favorite goalie-mask-wearing homicidal maniac . jason , the guy who single handedly controlled the overpopulation problem around the crystal lake area , doesn't start his quest to find the most interesting household item with which to kill someone until the sequel . while he does have a small role in this film , we the audience have to depend on another blood thirsty maniac to rack up the body count . the plot , like every other friday the 13th movie goes something like this -- crazed killer murders as many unsuspecting teenagers as he/she/it possibly can in the space of a 90 minute movie . the reasons that the afore mentioned unsuspecting teenagers come into contact with the bloodthirsty killer are usually of little importance to the story . but for those of you out there that might actually care about such trivial matters in a movie such as a plot , here are the basics . a bunch of unsuspecting teens get a summer job at a long closed summer camp . they are days away from the arrival of the kids and they are spending their time fixing the place up and making sure it is ready for the kids . sadly , they start being butchered one by one by the bloodthirsty killer . at this point i would usually say something about the quality of acting , directing or maybe something about the high quality of the production . since i'm not going to do that , feel free to assume that if i did , it wouldn't be positive . i will say that this movie looks as if it was made for about a hundred bucks , and that includes the actors' salaries . if you are used to recent horror films like scream , you are in for a bit of a surprise . the only saving grace for friday the 13th is that it was really the first of its kind , with the killer taking real pride in their work . using as many methods of murder as they could . none of this single murder weapon stuff life that unimaginative leatherface in chainsaw massacre , or the creatively stifled imagination of halloween's michael myers who just used brute force or a really big kitchen knife . nope , in the friday the 13th movies , you can always count on the killer taking great pride in his work . one fun fact about this movie is that the cast includes a very young kevin bacon , although after this movie it is a wonder he ever worked again . the main reason to see friday the 13th is if you want to watch all of the series from the beginning . if not , stick with the later films with jason , everyone's favorite hockey fan . friday the 13th is the sort of movie that is fun to sit down and get a couple of scares from , just don't sit down expecting a whole lot .

chill factor is a carbon copy of speed with one notable exception : instead of a speeding bus , we now have an ice cream truck . the truck is driven by arlo ( cuba gooding jr . ) and mason ( skeet ulrich ) , who have been instructed by a dying scientist to transport a deadly chemical weapon to a military base by the name of fort mcgruder . this particular weapon ( nicknamed `elvis' ) must be kept below a temperature of 50 degrees , or else the shockwave will goo-iffy everything in a mile radius . that would be pretty nasty . the power of elvis is revealed in the opening scene , as dr . richard long ( david paymer ) conducts a test on an isolated tropical island . long accidentally melts 18 soldiers and defoliates virtually the entire island , due to an enormously miscalculated safety distance . the commanding officer , general brynner ( peter firth ) , is sentenced to 10 years in prison for the murder of his troops . upon his release , the general is intent on tracking the good doctor down , snatching elvis , and selling the weapon to the highest international bidder . protecting the fate of the world is a drifting hamburger flipper ( ulrich ) and a feisty ice cream delivery man ( gooding jr . ) , who must elude brynner's men and get elvis to safety at fort mcgruder . all the while , of course , they must keep the weapon below 50 degrees . this proves to be tricky . among the wild adventures arlo and mason partake in is a trip down a tree-covered mountainside in a boat , and a fist fight on top of a moving vehicle . they also crack a few dozen witty retorts that we are supposed to find amusing . to put it simply , i'll use a clever pun : chill factor should be put on ice . director hugh johnson has mixed elements from speed , broken arrow and the lethal weapon series to create a lifelessly bland cocktail of a chase movie . when there is some occasional action , the audience seems oddly detached from it . perhaps that's because we've already waded through a pool of clich ? s and boring dialogue ; all material that's been used before , and with a lot more spice . take the villains , for example . they are typical stereotypes of every terrorist that has ever walked the silver screen . they speak lines that have been recycled profusely from one movie to the next , divulge important plot details while holding their enemies at gunpoint , and act in very predictable ways . the tag-team of gooding jr . and ulrich sounds much more exciting than it is . frankly , i'm not sure i can accept cuba as an ice cream man . i suppose it's better than him dressed like a giant hot dog , selling jumbo frankfurters on a street corner . gooding displays one single emotion in this movie , which is frequently on display in lines like `i'm gonna get on yo ass like last year's underwear ! ' and the incessant sputtering of `oh , sh * t ! ' this is virtually the same character he played in jerry maguire and as good as it gets . but where gooding was once an exciting actor , he now seems dull and endlessly monotonous . at least he's a bit more captivating than ulrich , who has all the film's worst dialogue , but does nothing noticeable to enliven his character . the supporting cast , which includes every personality you expect to pop up , is also wasted . to be fair , there are a few brief moments of serviceable action . and i did chuckle a few times . one example is when ulrich ( an employee at `darlene's diner' ) is at the counter when brynner walks through the door . `you own this place ? ' the general asks . `yeah , ' ulrich says . `they call me darlene . ' these little tidbits of humor are ( mainly ) welcome in this weak , disappointing wreckage of an action film . as a speed clone , it could have benefited from a lot more suspense and perhaps ( god forbid ) even some decent writing . sadly , i walked away from chill factor only wondering how much fun it could have been .

a standoff . a man holds a woman , a diplomat's daughter , hostage in his embrace , a gun pressed to her head . a cop , impaired by drink due to his wife's philandering , trains his gun on the man's nether regions , threatening to shoot . another cop holds his gun to his partner's temple , forcing him to disarm . the scene unfolds like a foursome bidding in bridge--upping the ante , signaling tacitly , going for game . the second cop retrieves the first cop's weapon , the suspect lowers his , and the woman caught in the middle moves--in slow motion--to safety . it is then that the intoxicated officer makes his move , grabbing for the assailant's gun . the room turns upside down , a shot rings out , a cop is down . shot in the back and paralyzed for life . the young man who found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time is sent to prison for six years for a crime he didn't commit . storytelling has always been one of pedro almod ? var's greatest gifts and in " live flesh " he gives us a twisting , turning , compelling tale peppered with well-written , colorful characters . characters who find themselves , more often than not , in carefully-constructed scenes like these . characters played by actors we might not know , but who look strikingly familiar nevertheless . take the ruggedly handsome victor plaza ( liberto rabal ) , for instance . before he gets out of prison he could easily be mistaken for that almod ? var favorite , antonio banderas . when we first meet elena ( francesca neri ) , the woman in the middle of the nervous shakedown , she looks like spice girl barbie with her frizzy shock of orange hair , but later tones down her look sufficiently to pass for juliette lewis . elena's husband david ( javier bardem ) is the cop crippled in the shooting and he wears david schwimmer's bemused expression throughout . playing the inebriated cop and his cheating wife are jos ? sancho and angela molina--no lookalikes spring to mind , but they round out the excellent cast . it's a credit to almod ? var's craft that these five individuals cross paths and intertwine with such credulity . " live flesh " begins and ends with a live birth and the film's contradictions come almost as often as the contractions . between the two childbearings , coincidence , irony , and a hefty dollop of sex form the key elements of this thoroughly entertaining film . although based on a ruth rendell story , " live flesh " is brimming with the acclaimed spanish director's high-heeled flourishes . women are at times alluring and repulsive , their extravagant hairdos and animal print coats providing colorful highlights to the intricately-woven drama , an eye bruised by an abusive husband here , a mouth bloodied by an impromptu delivery there . while in prison , victor learns bulgarian from an inmate and learns to love the bible , quoting from deuteronomy thereafter not unlike the way by which david and sancho refer to themselves as " guardians of a sick flock . " victor's pre-fab inheritance is a shambles in a slum resembling sarajevo . " dear son , i got cancer " his mother writes to him in jail . she dies before he is released and it's at the cemetery that victor is reacquainted with elena--redemption , ultimately , substituting for revenge .

the " italian hitchcock " and acknowledged master of the giallo murder-mystery dario argento again offers us a fascinating turn on the formula in pheneomena . this time the twist comes in the form of jennifer corvino ( jennifer connelly ) , a bright teenager with gift for telepathically communicating with insects . sent to a girls boarding school in switzerland , she soon learns of a series of bizarre disappearances and at least one murder that has the school's population terrified . a chance meeting with a brilliant entomologist ( donald pleasance ) leads the two of them to team up and solve the mystery with the aid of her remarkable gift . phenomena is an imaginative , original thriller . writer/director argento creates several sequences of surreal , haunting beauty here , including a masterfully shot sleepwalking episode and a striking scene when a swarm of flying insects descends on the school at jennifer's beckoning . the plot takes some wonderfully bizarre turns and the killer's identity is genuinely shocking and surprising . the director took a big gamble with a soundtrack that mixes elements as diverse as heavy metal band iron maiden , ex-rolling stone bill wyman , and argento's favourite gothic/electronic outfit goblin . but it gels surprisingly well . the film's opening music reccurs several times , an eerie and evocative score that perfectly sets the overall tone . argento fans beware : the film was released outside europe in a terribly butchered form re-titled as creepers . this deleted nearly half an hour of footage , mainly of key dialogue scenes .

after hearing reviews for woody allen's upteenth movie in history , " celebrity , " range from terribly boring to just so-so , my heart lept when the opening images of the film closely resembled that of " manhattan , " my personal favorite from my personal favorite director of all time . woody allen's films almost never rely on visual flair over textual flair , so when one of his films closely resembles the one time that these two entities fit hand-in-hand ( " manhattan " really is one of the best-looking films i've ever seen , beautiful black and white photography of the city's best areas , etc . ) , a fan can't help but feel visibly moved . the film opens up , with the usual credits with plain white font over black backgrounds , and an old ironic standard playing on the soundtrack , but then the screen fills with a gorgeous dull gray sky , with the word " help " being spelled with an airplane . beethoven's 5th blasts on the soundtrack . the city seems to stop to take notice of this moment , and it's all rather lovely to look at . and then we cut to a film crew , shooting this as the film's hilariously banal key moment in the film , where the lead actress in the film ( melanie griffith , looking as buxom and beautiful as ever ) has to realize something's wrong with her life or whatever . it's a terribly stale scene for a woody allen film , with the great opening shots or without , and my heart sank and i soon got used to the fact that once again , a new film of his was not going to be as great as his past works ( though , for the record , last year's " deconstructing harry " came awfully close ) . what the hell has happened to him ? the man who once could be relied on for neurotic freshness in cinema has not become less funny , but his films have become less insightful and more like he tossed them together out of unfinished ideas . " bullets over broadway , " though wonderful , relies on irony to pull a farce that just never totally takes off . " mighty aphrodite " is more full of great moments and lines than a really great story . " everyone says i love you " was more of a great idea than a great film . even " deconstructing harry " is admittingly cheap in a way , even if it does top as one of his most truly hilarious films . if anything , the reception of " celebrity " by everyone should tip allen off to the fact that this time , it's not the audience and critics who are wrong about how wonderful his film is : it's him . " celebrity " is , yes , a good film , but it's only marginally satisfying as a woody allen film . instead of creating the great woody allen world , he's created a world out of a subject he knows only a bit about . and he's fashioned a film that is based almost entirely on his uninformed philosophy of celebrities , so that it plays like a series of skits with minor connections . it's like " la dolce vita " without the accuracy , the right amount of wit , and the correct personal crisis . woody , becoming more insecure in his old age , choses to drop the woody allen character in on the world of celebrities , and then hang him and all his flaws up for scrutiny , and does this by casting not himself but brit actor kenneth branagh in the lead . much has been said about his performance - dead on but irritating , makes one yearn for the real thing , blah blah blah - but to anyone who actually knows the woody allen character knows that branagh's performance , though featuring some of the same mannerisms ( stuttering , whining , lots o' hand gestures ) , is hardly a warts-and-all impersonation . branagh brings along with him little of the woody allen charm , which actually allows for his character's flaws to be more apparent . woody's a flawed guy , and we know it , but we love him anyway , because he's really funny and really witty and really intelligent . branagh's allen is a bit more flat-out bad , but with the same charm so that , yes , we like him , but we're still not sure if he's really a good person or not . his character , lee simon , is first seen on the set of the aforementioned movie , hits on extra actress winona ryder , then goes off to interview griffith , who takes him to her childhood home where he makes a pass at her , and she denies him . . . sorta . we then learn , through flashbacks , that lee has been sucked into trying to be a celebrity thanks to a mid-life crisis and an appearance at his high school reunion . he has since quit his job as a travel journalist and become a gossip journalist of sorts , covering movie sets and places where celebrities congregate , so that he can meet them , and maybe sell his script ( a bank robbery movie " but with a deep personal crisis " ) . as such , he has divorced his wife of several years ( allen regular judy davis ) , and continues on a quest for sexual happiness , boucing from girlfriend to girlfriend and fling to fling over the course of the film . after griffith comes his escapades with a model ( charlize theron ) who is " polymorphously perverse " ( glad to see allen is using new jokes , ha ha ) , who takes him for a wild ride not different from that of the anita ekberg segment of " la dolce vita . " following are his safe relationship with smart working woman famke janssen , a relationship that almost assures him success , and his continued escapades with ryder , whom he fancies most of all . his story is juxtaposed with that of davis , who flips out , but stumbles onto happiness when she runs into a handsome , friendly tv exec ( joe mantegna ) who lands her a job that furthers her career to national status . while lee is fumbling about , selfishly trying to ensure his own happiness , davis becomes happy ( " i've become the kind of woman i've always hated . . . and i'm loving it . " ) without doing a thing . the result is a film of highs and mediums . the mediums are what take up most of the film , with sitations and scenes which don't exactly work but you can't help but pat allen on the back for trying . but other places are really great scenes . the opening . the sequence with theron , which is so good that i wished it hadn't ended . a banana scene with bebe neuwirth ( droll as ever ) . and , perhaps the best sequence : a romp with hot-as-hell teen idol , brandon darrow , played by none other than leo dicaprio , who is so un-dicaprio-esque that if any of this fans could sit through this film , they'd never look at him the same way . he ignites the screen with intensity , and spares nothing in showing his character as narcissistically tyrannical , and totally heartbreaking for lee , who comes to him to talk about his script that he has read , and finds himself on a wild all-day ride with him . they go to atlantic city to watch a fight , they gamble , and they wind up in his hotel room , where darrow gets it on with his flame ( gretchen mol ) and he lends him one of the leftover groupies . allen's writing in these scenes are so good that just for them , i'd almost recommend the film . almost . but what i really liked about this film is despite the fact that it's a mess , despite the fact that what this film really needs is a good old fashioned rewrite by allen himself , it's still a smart and insightful film . though some of the jokes are either stale or misplaced ( some seem too cartoonish , even for this environment ) , allen still manages to get across that this film is not exactly about celebrities , as it may seem to be ( if it were , it'd be extremely out-of-touch ) , but about those who want to be celebrities , and how they equate celebrity-hood with happiness . we never get close enough to the actual celebrities to see if they're really happy ( they may appear to be on the surface . . . ) , but we do get close enough to lee and davis' character . lee is obsessed with the phenomenon , while davis takes is at arm's length , and never gets too involved in what it is , and soon becomes one herself . besides , it's witty , and it does have the one thing that no other film has but allen's : that great woody allen feel . it may be not exactly fresh and lively or totally brilliant in its depiction of its subject , and yes , as a part of woody allen's oeuvre , it's merely a blip ( no " annie hall " but it's no " shadows and fog " either ) , but it goes to prove that no one can make a film like him , and only he and maybe godard could possibly take a totally horrible metaphor , like the one in the beginning , and make it work not once but twice .

" oh my god , i sounded just like a mother ! " mrs . pascal , played with devilish wickedness by genevieve bujold , tells her son . " didn't i sound just like a mother ? " " you are a mother , " her son marty tells her disgustedly . " i know , but i still can't believe it . i look at you people and wonder , how did you ever fit in my womb ? " marty , you see , is a grown-up twin . although his sister , who thinks she is jackie-o , is certifiably insane , marty fits right in with the rest of this highly dysfunctional family in the witty black comedy the house of yes . mother and daughter , played in a brilliant performance by parker posey , are both varying degrees of wacko . most dysfunctional families in the movies are more angry and mean-spirited than diabolically abnormal as this one is . the daughter's fantasy of being jackie-o is probably the most sane part of her being . mrs . pascal is the sort that will not let jackie-o keep a hairbrush downstairs since food is kept on that level . she explains to marty's new fiancee , lesly ( tori spelling ) , soon after their first meeting that jackie-o was holding marty's private part when she came out of the womb . the dialog by wendy macleod , based on the play by mark waters , is so sharp and biting that it seems in danger of cutting through the celluloid at any moment . the script , reminiscent of a david mamet play , flows smoothly with its fast paced intelligence and mesmerizing set of bizarre characters . the exaggerated setup has lesly and marty arriving at the family's out of the way mansion during a thanksgiving day hurricane . in this storm are two sane individuals . the fiancee is a giddy , school-girl type , embarrassed by everything , a complete contrast to her rival jackie-o's bitter pseudo-sophistication . as the two twins' younger brother , anthony , freddie prinze jr . plays the all-america boy type whose only foible is his explicit obsession of bedding his brother's fiancee that night . " we all have our secrets , " jackie-o tells her potential sister-in-law , and boy , does she have a few . this is a house filled with them . ( when lesly calls it the family's " home " to mrs . pascal -- they've never had a visitor before lesly -- mrs . pascal becomes discombobulated until she realizes that lesly is talking about their " house . " ) in a film that gives new meaning to the phrase , " made for each other , " the twin's biggest , but not their only secret , is that they've had a long-term incestuous relationship . they don't like to discuss it , although they are not particularly ashamed of it . perfect for viewers who can appreciate perverse comedy , this story never pulls its punches . jackie-o tries in many ways , few subtle , to show that she is a better match for marty than that ditzy fiancee of his . in one scene marty and lesly are playing chop sticks together on the piano when jackie-o pushes her aside and starts playing a challenging classical piece for four hands . marty joins her as his fiancee looks on with envy . the chemistry between parker posey and josh hamilton is nothing short of amazing . they put down their little brother and most of the other sane people in the world . their ripostes are engaging filmmaking at its best . director mark waters keeps the show's energy level high and lets the leads sling zingers at each other at a furious pace . his crisp direction ensures the movie has nary an ounce of fat on it . jackie-o is temperamentally incapable of being nice . and being jealous , she cuts lesly down mercilessly . " were you poor ? " jackie-o asks her when she finds that lesly committed the crime of growing up impoverished . " did you eat pies ? chicken pot pies ? " " pancakes actually , lots of pancakes , " lesly replies with her usual sincerity . " a donut king , so is she like the queen ? , " jackie-o cattily inquires of marty when she learns that lesly works at a donut king . " are we entertaining royalty ? " with rolfe kent's whimsically sinister music it never seems clear where the story is headed . will it end in a big emotional explosion , a murder , people slowly cutting each other up with words , a familial catharsis , a weather disaster or what ? the emotionally charged play is clearly going somewhere , and the engaging characters captivate the audience with their spell . i'll not say more except that the ending is perfect and a bit of a surprise . the house of yes runs a blazing fast 1 : 25 . it is rated r for sexual situations and conversations , mature themes , violent overtones and some profanity . the movie would be fine for older and mature teenagers , i . e . , treat the movie as it were rated nc-17 .

the coen brothers are back again , this time with homer's " odyssey " as the backdrop in their tale of three fugitives from a mississippi chain gang who trek across the south to find a secret treasure in " o brother , where art thou ? " right for the beginning of " o brother " the coens grab your attention with a chain gang of prison inmates breaking rocks along the road in unison to a work song . the camera flows around the hard toiling men , giving a visually exciting symmetry to the scene that ends with our three heroes - ulysses everett mcgill ( george clooney ) , delmar ( tim blake nelson ) and pete ( john turturro ) - escaping across a cotton field . it is the beginning of a journey that takes on different meanings and urgencies to each member of the trio . a strong suite , as always with the coen brothers , is the depth of character of the folks they create in their films . their characters are goofy and comical , like nicolas cage in " raising arizona " ; or , dramatic , as albert finney and john turturro in " miller's crossing " ; and , even a mix of the two with frances mcdormand in " fargo . " in all cases , and in " o brother , " too , the characters populating their films are three-dimensional people . ulysses everett is a handsome , hair-obsessed petty criminal with a silver tongue and not a lot in the brains department . but , he seems like a genius when compared to the simple , sweet delmar and the maladjusted pete , who follow their self appointed leader to a promised treasure of $1 . 2 million . their odyssey takes on the mystical proportions of homer's original material as they meet all manner of people along the way , including those dangerous sirens who beckon them onto symbolically rocky shoals and a cyclops who beats them and takes all their money . there is magic , too , when delmar believes that pete was turned into a horny toad by the sirens . the story meanders through the different vignettes of the boys' adventures , giving the flick a choppy , episodic feel that disrupts the overall flow . some of the interludes are an epiphany , though . the trio becomes a quartet when they pick up guitar-playing tommy johnson ( chris thomas king ) and visit a radio station in the middle of nowhere , run by its blind owner ( stephen root ) . they become the soggy bottom boys for the sightless radio station man and , without their knowledge , are recorded as they sing the traditional tune , " i am a man of constant sorrow . " it is a wonderful moment of moviemaking and gives us , in my mind , the best movie song of the year . contrasting this and other wonderful moments ( the sexy seduction by the sirens comes to mind ) are some pretentious bits that detract from the overall quality of " o brother . " in particular , near the end , is a scene where ulysses , delmar and pete crash a ku klux klan rally to save tommy from being lynched . the scene is overblown and flashy and reeks of " the wizard of oz . " they don't say " lions and tigers and bears , oh my ! " and there's no dorothy , but it is the land of oz we're seeing here . the highs and lows of the story flow are tempered by fine acting on several levels . george clooney is funny , charming , a little dumb and one of the handsomest actors in the business today . he has the charm of a 30's movie idol and is able to put himself into silly situations with dignity . ulysses has an ongoing obsession with his hair , risking life and limb to get a particular brand of pomade and a supply of hairnets . his vanity will come to plague him as it would any mystical hero-wanderer . while clooney is the name draw for " o brother , " the show stealer is tim blake nelson as delmar . the heretofore unknown nelson is terrific as the simple convict who , at one point , hears the word of the lord and joins members of a church congregation in their mass baptism . delmar is saved and dedicates his life to doing good and provides a richness to his simple character that makes him shine . the taciturn pete , as played by longtime coen collaborator turturro , is the sullen member of the trio and gives them the necessary angst . all together , the tuneful triumvirate is a mix of the three stooges and the three musketeers as they prove to be buffoons , albeit brave ones . the colorful supporting cast is rampant with homerian characters to meet and get to know along the way of the boys' odyssey . charles durning appears as incumbent governor pappy o'daniel , who keeps crossing paths with them in his bid for re-election . john goodman is wicked as the one-eyed bible salesman and con artist , big dan teague . michael badalucco is manic and outrageous as outlaw and bank robber extraordinary , george " babyface " nelson . stephen root is amusing as the blind dj , rep'ing one of the many references to the sightless that abound in the film in mystical ways . holly hunter is wasted in the small role as ulysses' estranged wife , penny ( and the real reason for this adventure , not secret treasure ) . techs are , as expected in a coen brothers venture , first class . cinematographer roger deakins , who has worked on five previous coen films , captures the sultry atmosphere of the south . the photography complements the lush period production and costume provided by dennis gassner and mary zophres , respectively . once again , roderick jaynes - the alter ego of ethan and joel coen - is on board as editor . the high points outweigh the low through most of " o brother , where art thou ? " with particular praise for the wonderful selection of period and traditional music . i give it a b .

sam ( matthew broderick ) is an astronomer in a small american town and engaged to teacher linda ( kelly preston ) . he is head over heels in love and lindas sudden departure to new york city to live with her new lover anton ( tch ? ky karyo ) comes as a complete surprise to him . but as we all know love is blind and so sam leaves for new york as well to win her back . he moves into an abandoned house across the street from anton's apartment and installs a camera obscura to watch them . suddenly anton's ex maggie shows up , but she does not want her former lover back . on the contrary , all she wants to do is vaporize him . she may say that she doesn't want to kill him , but the possibility doesn't bother her too much either . after all , people die every day . in spite of their different motives the two team up and fall for each other as things move on . the story sounds like something we all have seen a million times . but we haven't . griffin dunne brings us the most charming comedy since " while you where sleeping " . the camera obscura adds a " special something " to the movie and makes it an exceptional romantic comedy . everything about the movie is perfect , from set design to casting . the dialogues are inspired and the touches of black humor add a certain bite . meg ryan , known from " when harry met sally " or " sleepless in seattle " , surprises in a role that may finally help her get rid of her sweet little girl image . she impresses the viewer as a maneating biker girl . even more surprising is the fact that the viewer believes her , much more so than in last years " courage under fire " where she played a gulf war pilot . matthew broderick is the goodnatured and somewhat naive sam who has trouble accepting reality . the viewer can tell that he doesn't only watch the stars but also tries to reach out for them . he has trouble keeping in touch with reality . after all , who would leave everything behind to chase a lost love ? his naivet ? that we don't question for a minute throughout the movie clashes with maggies exaggerated wish for revenge . she would do anything to harm anton . she doesn't hesitate to use sam for her plan and makes him understand right from the beginning that nothing will happen between the two of them . that makes the scenes when they innocently share a bed , have potatoe chips and watch the action across the street like a saturday night show on tv even funnier . tch ? ky karyo is perfect as anton . he is , well , repulsive . that's all there is to say about him . you can't really manage to pity him , even after all his mishaps . he not only took sam's bride away from him , he is also a french chef . worlds collide , i . e . the usa and france . this can only go wrong . even if maggies revenge schemes are at times shocking , you just can't sympathize with a man who plays " je t'aime . . . moi non plus " on his tape deck . not everyone is captured by the french charme that linda and even maggie fell for . sam certainly isn't . too bad for anton . for him things take a turn to the worse . " addicted to love " is one of this year's most pleasant surprises .

defending your life is an imaginative vision of the afterlife from the twisted mind of writer-director albert brooks , who also stars in the comedy . after dying in a car crash , on his birthday of all days , brooks wakes up in judgement city , a satirical rendition of purgatory where higher beings evaluate the lives of newly deceased earthlings . brooks has five days to convince two judges that he's worthy of passing on to higher plains of existence . enter rip torn as the slick lawyer who defends brooks in court against prosecutor lee grant . during his " trial , " brooks must view episodes of his life on a movie screen , and these scenes are both hysterically funny and painfully poignant . it's impossible to resist chuckling ( and cringing ) at brooks as he and torn try to explain away his cowardly behavior on earth . torn , in particular , is in vintage comic form , and he walks away with the picture . the movie also features meryl streep , appealing as the love-interest , and shirley maclaine , who pops up in a hilarious cameo . while the film is uneven , many of its gags are price less . take , for example , the food in judgement city : it's always the most delicious you've ever tasted . . . and it's also calorie-free--so chow down !

like a good action film should , " metro " has action that keeps you involved . some action films have action sequences that are so conventional , our attention is detracted and diverted by other thoughts . " the ghost in the darkness , " which opened a few months ago , is a film that s action was so bland and uninvolving , it not only invited my thoughts to divert me , it nearly put me asleep . but " metro " is one of the best action films in a while . it is hip , sharp , nifty , and has nice little pieces of suspense and comedy . eddie murphy was in bad shape for a while . and this invites me to mention last year s " the nutty professor , " which was his blessed revival back to the position at which he used to be . " metro " happens to be a lot better than any film in the " beverly hills cop " series . that is because " metro " takes itself seriously , but doesn t prevent itself from having a little fun . eddie murphy is at his best in the roles of responsible , and controlled people . the " beverly hills cop " movies all featured eddie as a reckless , wild cop , always crossing the line by just an inch . in " metro " he plays a hostage negotiator , so negotiation is his job , not his hobby or his preferred way out of trouble . his character in " metro " takes himself seriously . eddie murphy s mischievous trademark grin is hardly anywhere to be found in " metro , " and perhaps it is quite better off that way . murphy plays scott roper , and as i previously mentioned , he is a san francisco hostage negotiator . in the first tense situation in the film , we are introduced to roper s kind of work , as he tries to calm down a confused , unkempt young criminal who has taken captive the entire capacity of the san francisco bank he is holding up . murphy handles the scene seriously , without his usual happy-go-lucky , misfit humor . the film develops when its villain is established , and the villain here is the beguiling michael korda , a jewel thief , and murderer who likes to let cops know of his hostage fatalities by giving them the ear of the victim . " metro " takes different twists and slight turns , and there is one great , virtuoso chase scene , involving the a cable car . cars flip . cars crash . cars turn over . and it is done so good in this film , i was reminded of " speed , " and the speeding bus that couldn t go under fifty mile per hour for very significant reasons . there are also some other good scenes in " metro " that a lot of films would rather choose not to have . scenes like the one with roper and his new partner are at the horse track roper is a gambler who knows all the tricks and roper teaches his partner a few little methods of betting and winning . of course , the writers tried to disguise the scene as being insignificant by having roper draw parallels between hostage negotiation and gambling . the scenes between roper and his girlfriend are nice , too . those are the scenes that make up " metro , " which is mainly about eddie murphy s maturing as a personality . the actor that i most enjoyed seeing in " metro " was michael rapaport , who plays roper s new partner , a lip-reading , book-skimming genius , and a master of observation . it was not the actor s presence that pleased me as much as the role he was cast in the role of a proclaimed genius . rapaport is an actor who i usually see in the role of the dimwit the really , really dopey dimwit . i hardly recognized him in " metro , " and it was quite a joy to be able to see him in a role like this i feel that i respect him more . there are two main types of villains in movies like this : the ones that are part of the story , and the ones that are devices . the villain in " metro " is no more than a device , but he is a darn good villain nonetheless . he is played by michael wincott , whose voice is pushed out in a abraded rasp , as if he smokes a cigarette between every take . wincott makes his villain , korda , as mean as could be , the classic type of villain who would push an old lady down a flight of stairs just for kicks , like richard widmark in " kiss of death . " and , in addition , wincott s physical appearance and mannerisms , in the film , actually reminded my of an arrogant friend i use to have , who is no longer on my good list . i liked " metro , " and i do not think would have worked with any other actor but eddie murphy . his past roles were the great ones but they were also a precursor to the maturing that would later take place , possibly from murphy s growing as a person , now having a family . " metro " is a no-nonsense movie . it works as a buddy movie , which it does not overplay . it works as a dry comedy , which it does not overplay . it works as a suspense film , which it does not overplay . and it works as an action film , where it does have a tendency to occasionally go all-out . but who cares ? it still remains serious , and it does not overdo itself . oh , and there were plenty of explosions in " metro , " as well . how nice it was of the filmmakers to give us those . if there is one major objection i had to " metro " , it was the length , an area where a lot of action films seem to wear out their welcomes . " metro " is a film that lasted a little too long , but it was still entertaining , and it gave me something to do while i waited for it to end . paul haynes " >

118 minutes ; not rated ( though i suspect it would be rated pg for adult themes and language ) mamoru oshii is a name that probably isn't very well-known to most american audiences , but perhaps it should be . oshii was the director of last year's best-known japanese animated film import , _ghost in the shell_ , and is known among fans of japanese animation , or anime , for making films with a deep philosophical bent . one of these films was the first theatrical venture for the patlabor animated series . in its many incarnations--graphic novels ( " manga " ) , two different runs of made-for-video episodes ( original animation videos , or oavs for short ) , and a television series running to nearly fifty episodes--patlabor has proven to be one of the most popular series ever in japan . set in the very near future ( though it was a somewhat farther away near future when the series was first conceived ) , this atypical giant robot anime features the characters , rather than the machinery , as the primary focus . as a whole , patlabor is the story of an exciting time for japan . as the prologue to each episode of the television series explains , giant industrial robots , known as " labors " ( an interesting play on words , considering that " robot " is derived from the czech word for labor ) , have come into widespread use in japan toward the close of the twentieth century . with the rise of labors , however , has come a new menace--labor crime . this led to the creation of the two special vehicle divisions , using patrol labors to fight labor crime . the patlabor story centers around the second special vehicle division , sv2 , who , through no fault of their own , have acquired a bad reputation for destructiveness . sometimes utterly hilarious , sometimes almost deadly serious , the patlabor series explores the interpersonal relationships of the special vehicle crewmembers , and also looks at the effects of technology on modern life . those who are unfamiliar with the patlabor story and characters may find themselves slightly confused coming into the movie , although there is ample background exposition provided for new viewers . the story , as has much of patlabor before , centers around the controversial babylon project , a gigantic seawall that will , on its completion , allow the reclamation of thousands of square miles of land from tokyo bay . this project has been an almost constant target of environmentalist terrorists , most notably the house of sea organization . however , the threat in this case comes not from any terrorist , but from someone who is already dead . . . shinohara heavy industries , the premier labor manufacturer in japan ( if not the whole world ) , has just come out with a new operating system that increases labors' movement speed and efficiency by 30% . this hyper operating system , hos for short , has very quickly been installed into well over 90% of the nation's labors . . . including the patrol labors of sv2 . since that installation , dozens of labors , including a heavily-armed military model , have begun to go on berzerk rampages for no apparent reason . . . and the only factor they all had in common was that they were all running under the new hos . ( some wags have compared this to windows 95 . ) it's up to asuma shinohara , labor command officer with sv2 and the son of the president of shinohara heavy industries , to find the source of these problems before more labors--including sv2's own--fall victim to them , and before hos drags his father's company down with it . as was the case with _ghost in the shell_ , if you just want a no-brainer actionfest , this might not be the movie for you . _patlabor : the movie_ is more of a psychological thriller , a technological suspense drama . it is closer , perhaps , to a chrichton novel than to an action movie ( crichton novels that have been made _into_ action movies notwithstanding ) . there are long , thoughtful montages of dialogueless footage as two investigators make their way through slums and derelict housing in old quarters of tokyo , similar to sequences from _ghost in the shell_ . this movie is fraught with symbolism--in fact a large part of it is based on christian symbolism . patlabor's near-future setting is , aside from the giant robots tromping around , very similar to our own present day . the film uses this setting to make its central point : is progress moving too fast for humans to keep up ? are history and culture falling by the wayside like the old buildings that are being torn down and replaced with new ? this is a question just as applicable to today as it is to patlabor's alternate-1999 setting . as far as the technical aspects of the film go ( referring to the subtitled version , as that's the only one i've seen ) , the film transfer is clear , almost phenomenally so . the animation quality is incredible , though the character design is different from what most patlabor fans will be used to . the oavs and tv series were more cheerful , better-suited to humor ; the movie , however , makes everyone look a great deal less cute , and emphasizes that this is going to be , for the most part , a deadly serious storyline . as far as cinematography goes , there are many interesting moments in _patlabor : the movie_ . i don't think i can recall ever seeing a fish-eye perspective used in any other animated film ( save for _ghost in the shell_ , another oshii film ) , or indeed , in many other movies at all . the cinematography is well-suited to the storyline , emphasizing what it needs to , though a couple of scenes ( where characters' features are exaggerated in anger ) may seem slightly strange to western audiences . the audio track of _patlabor : the movie_ is in glorious hi-fi stereo , and should be used to demonstrate home theater systems--it _is_ that good . even without headphones , sounds from either side of the screen can be clearly heard to _come_ from that side . giant robot footsteps are deep and booming . the sometimes-understated , sometimes-blaring score is crisp and clear , and always right on the mark , enhancing the moods created by the animated scenery . as far as the subtitles go , i have to say that they're among the most easily-readable subtitles i've ever seen for _anything_ . large enough that they don't strain the eyes , but small enough not to conceal too much of the screen . although it does have several action sequences in it , most notably the climactic conclusion , _patlabor_ is foremost not an action movie . although it is a superbly-realized film , it relies in large part upon prior familiarity with some of the characters to carry the story , and that could detract from some people's enjoyment . my .

an energetic , visually stunning , but intellectually hollow recreation of the mysterious life of jeanne d'arc . in history jeanne d'arc is lost in an ocean of mystery and controversy , which creates the perfect launching pad for talented and creative directors , who can basically alter the story as they wish . she came in a time where people desperately needed a saint . a hero that could rescue them for misery and deliver peace and happiness . director/writer luc besson ( 'nikita' , 'leon' ) portrays his version of the peasant girl who commanded the armies of france and was burned at the stake for witchcraft . besson tries to recreate the person behind the legend . he tries not to show her as a saint or a villain . he shows her as a human being . in a time where blood was almost pouring from the sky , and the air smelled of rotten flesh , it is hard to keep your sanity . the only support and hope is in god . at the age of 13 , jeanne ( milla jovovich ) watches her own sister murdered and raped by the english soldiers . this terrible event makes a lasting impact on jeanne's mind . god is no longer her support . he has become her obsession . she starts seeing visions and signs that command her to raise an army and free france from the siege of the english tyranny . with the help of the wise yolande d'aragon ( faye dunaway ) and charles vii ( john malcovich ) , whose grand royal ambitions and life are at stake , jeanne raises an army and marches towards the english walls . after this the film stays mostly on the battlefield , where besson demonstrates his ability to direct amazing action sequences , only occasionally resorting to a calmer tempo . the movie is filled with dreamy , symbolic images of pure artistic craftsmanship , that create a surreal and occasionally paranoiac atmosphere . the film is lost in time and space , hysterically jumping back and forth in jeanne's thoughts , imagination and conscience . besson's visual style permits the audience to enter the medieval age , feel the smell of fresh blood and the adrenaline pumping in your body in the heat of battle . but the film is far from being flawless . the script needs a lot of polishing . except for jeanne , there are no real characters . and although a grand star cast is assembled , their characters are nothing more than props , not more alive than the costumes that they are wearing . as for the maiden of lorraine herself , she is portrayed as a simple girl , too small for her divine task . in the latter part of the film , we see her as hysterical , confused and on the brink of madness , with her past purity and innocence for ever lost . jovovich handles the part with more panache than one might expect . but though her screen time is incredible excessive , both malcovich ( 'being john malcovich' ) and dunaway ( 'titus' ) surpass her rather overacted and simply unprofessional performance . and even hoffman manages to breathe some life into his dreadfully small part . besides casting jovovich , besson's only mistake is his extreme sense of patriotism that in the end ruins his so gloriously crafted painting . there are some viscously evil englishmen that murder , pillage and betray with a smile on their faces . and some incredibly brave and noble frenchmen , represented by the " three musketeers " of this story -- the brave gilles de rais ( vincent cassel ) , the wise aulon ( desmond harrington ) and the strong la hire ( richard ridings ) . though all those actor perform well , their characters are nothing more than symbols -- banners that proclaim the glory of france . and thus , there is no sense of realism in this film . 'the messenger' has muscles instead of brains . there is some relief in the end , where besson lays down his armor and starts thinking . dustin hoffman's appearance helps and the film ends elegantly and surprisingly effective with a climax worthy of praise . jeanne's character is unlocked , but whether god was in the picture or not , is never quite explained . was she a confused peasant girl driven by her own hunger for revenge ? or was she truly a messenger of god ? the film poses as many questions as answers and nothing is completely obvious . bess o messenger' is nothing more than a fairly good film . it is not much that you remember of it after you leave the theater . maybe the sound , the dreamy sequences , but certainly not the dialogue . it is an elegant and adrenaline pumping history lesson for the mtv-generation , that although presents some interesting material , works better when it's on the battlefield .

billed as a " feminist sex fantasy " , this spirited , imaginative and thoroughly engaging film by the award-winning canadian director cynthia roberts , is destined for extreme reactions . camille paglia enthusiasts will no doubt champion this heart-felt tale of the title character bubbles galore ( nina hartley ) , a porn-actress-turned-porn-producer who faces an uphill battle in her quest for sexual and economic independence . however , those in the andrea dworkin camp , will no doubt loathe the film's decidedly pro-porn stance . political considerations aside , however , this is a delightful lesbian love story as the film takes us on a whirlwind tour of bubbles' romantic entanglements with a naive and virginal young porn starlet dory drawers ( shauny sexton ) . in the backdrop , however is bubbles' loyal assistant vivian klitorsky ( tracy wright ) who pines longingly for the affections of her bubbly boss . this femme-butch-femme triangle is what provides the film with considerable humanity * and * sensuality . in addition to the romantic aspects of the story , bubbles is being stalked and terrorized by her ex-boyfriend godfrey montana ( daniel macivor ) , a slimy porn mogul who wishes to make her life as miserable as he can possibly make it . when his plans to sabotage her latest film fall through , he snaps and psychotically decides to kill her . these proceedings are presided over by a most heavenly presence . god herself - yes , in the world of this film , god , is most definitely a " her " - and a chorus of undulating , scantily-clad angels , have their most watchful and lustful eyes on the events as they unfold , adding a lovely fantasy element to this frothy concoction . this bright , colourful and deliriously sexy film is chock-full of great performances . making her dramatic debut , after appearing in over 300 triple x adult films , porn star nina hartley takes command of her role with considerable assurance and a screen presence which puts many other contemporary 'straight' actresses to shame . hartley has overwhelming star power , and one wonders why other non-triple-x producers haven't used her bountiful talents . it is also interesting to note that hartley appears in the recent release of " boogie nights " , a film which takes a far more traditional doom-and-gloom approach to the porn industry . making a cameo appearance in the role of god , former porn actress annie sprinkle , a true artist in her own right - gives the entire film an earthy , sensual glow and certainly solidifies and , by her very appearance , downright justifies the themes of the movie . the other performances are equally solid . daniel macivor appropriately chews up the scenery as the villainous godfrey and tracy wright lends able support with her complex role . shauny sexton , an erotic dancer and pin-up model , makes an impressive screen debut . overall , bubbles galore is a film which wears its politics on its sleeve and very proudly indeed . at one point , the title character declares that " instead of trying to save women from the sex trade , we should be working to ensure that the sex trade is a safe place for women to work " . the direction by cynthia roberts is daring and subversive . roberts is not afraid to plunge the otherwise straight-ahead and simple narrative into extended and extremely avant-garde montage sequences . the love scenes between the women are especially beautiful . the musical score by nicholas stirling blends cool jazz and lounge stylings , while the skilful cinematography by harald bachmann terrifically captures a blend of garish 70's porn and psychedelia . amazingly , this film appears to have received a good deal of its funding from a variety of canadian government cultural agencies . this speaks volumes towards the importance of state funding for culture , as one cannot imagine such an entertaining , original and vital film being made in a traditional setting where conformity and formula rule the day . bubbles galore seems to be making the film festival rounds and does not , at present , appear to have any traditional distribution in place , so keep your eye on the alternative film listings for this one . it's funny , sexy and subversive . and it shouldn't be missed .

steven spielberg is now considered as one of the hollywood deities , because of the rare capability to deliver both huge commercial hits , like jurassic park , and " oscar " -awarded critical triumphs like schindler's list . however , in the 1970s spielberg built his reputation by creating works of art that could slip in both categories . one of them is close encounters of the third kind , extremely popular and influential science-fiction spectacle . unfortunately , it had a bad luck to be released in the same year as star wars . although both films have a lot in common ( ground-breaking special effects , brilliant score by john williams ) their future was different ; one became an unstoppable cult phenomenon , and another almost forgotten and stuck forever in its shadow . when spielberg began work on that project , he was already established as a bright new hollywood star due to his previous commercial hit , jaws . together with other young directors of his " new hollywood " generation , like kauffman , carpenter , hill and millius , he exploited the great creative freedom of 1970s , when even the mainstream producers dared to experiment . ironically , it was spielberg himself whose later commercial success would established new unwritten rules of " blockubuster " philosophy . but in the mid 1970s , many things were different ; spielberg was young and eager to use hollywood resources for his very personal and artistic movie . although very personal , spielberg's screenplay was partly based on the book " ufo experience " by dr . j . allen hynek and in many ways inspired by the popular urban mythology of extraterrestrial visitors to earth that began to grow in the world after ww2 . spielberg was not only inspired by the mythology , but his movie also gave the mythology itself a huge boost , unmatched until the contemporary era of x-files and the roswell anniversary . that was partly because he made the movie very realistic using the authentic ufo-related incidents as the element of the plot . the story begins with one of such incidents - team of international scientists come to the sonorra desert in mexico to find the u . s . navy planes of who went missing decades ago during the famous flight 19 . such events coincide with the ufo incident witnessed by roy neary ( richard dreyfuss ) , power company worker from muncie , indiana , who later becomes obsessed with his experience . because of his obsession he loses his job , family and sanity , but his loss is nothing compared to the experience of jillian guiler ( melinda dillon ) , single mother whose son becomes the victim of alien abduction . in the meantime , the scientists decipher the strange signals from outer space and u . s . government , in co-operation with the french , led by lacombe ( francois truffaut ) begin with the preparation for ultra-secret project . when the news of the poison gas leak in the middle of wyoming reach neary , he finally sees some sense in all his visions and begins the perilous journey toward the centre of endangered area . there he is joined by jillian who shared the similar visions . two of them must break through military pickets and reach their destination to find whatever is there . spielberg here shows great mastery by using the very same techniques of jaws to make completely different effects . the slow , gradual yet very disciplined series of dramatic incidents - " close encounters " - is set in order to bring the viewer to the great revelation in the finale . but , instead of the fear and horror we had to endure during the jaws , we are now overwhelmed by the sense of boyish wonder . throughout the movie the viewer knows that something big , magnificent and wonderful is about to happen , and great magician spielberg delivers his promise in the end . the last sequence , with its , even in this age , impressive special effects by the great virtuoso douglas trumbull , would leave many mouths open . one of the great virtues of this film is its optimism . aliens , who almost always get portrayed as the monsters in science-fiction cinema , are here benevolent and harmless creatures and the first contact between them and humanity is a beginning of something wonderful . it is very ironic , when we consider that the two classic sf movies that visually inspired spielberg actually told quite different story - howard hawks' thing and byron haskin's war of the worlds presented extraterrestrials as the threat to the mankind . spielberg's humane approach and faith in the future also lies in great contrast to the pessimistic mood of its era ; the only hint of the contemporary gloom is post-watergate portrayal of government as conspiratorial towards the public . but , even such government is much more harmless compared to the murderous and chain-smoking men in black that became the stereotype thanks to x-files and its more cynical and disturbing visions . there lies the main , and probably the only flaw of this great picture - lack of conflict , and consequently , lack of drama . the movie has few excitements or even action scenes ( especially the last that may be an interesting homage to hitchcock's north by northwest ) but generally , almost everyone - neary , jillian , government , aliens - are the good guys . despite such shortcomings , the actors were good and manage to bring multidimensionality to their simple roles . richard dreyfuss is very convincing as a ordinary , yet nice guy , who sinks into insanity only to rediscover himself in a grand finale . melinda dillon was , on the other hand , nominated for " oscar " as a struggling mother , yet she was overshadowed by teri garr as neary's long-suffering wife ronnie . apart from visual wonders of this film , spielberg's semi-official composer john williams again excels by his beautiful music , this time using the simple melody both as the element of a plot , and as the basis for his score . the aliens , who are the main subject of this film , were visually very convincing . too convincing , one of my acquaintances in the ufo-researching circles said . according to him , the depiction of extraterrestrials as grey-skinned little people with big eyes was so accurate , that it managed to freak out powerful government figures interested in suppressing the truth about ufos . so , they later approached spielberg and ordered him to make another movie with alien , this time designed to be anything but the real life . the result was e . t . , for many years the biggest commercial hit of all times , yet less inspirational for ufo enthusiasts . anyway , whether the viewer believes in existence of extraterrestrials or ufos , close encounters of the third kind remains the great movie , and one of the rare uplifting experiences in modern cinema .

the formula is simple . trap a varied group of people on an isolated location , then pop in a seemingly unstoppable monster to kill them one by one . these have been the successful ingredients for many good films ( the thing , alien , aliens , and tremors to name a few ) . so , why is it that so many films following this recipe end up pathetically bad ? ( see the relic for a particularly putrid example . ) perhaps it is simply too easy to forget the necessary binding ingredient : effort and ideas . deep rising meets these two requirements part way , but not enough to salvage the film . treat williams is finnegan , the leader of a small boat crew who hire out their services ( and their boat ) for any activity . . . no questions asked . this time , however , they may have gone too far . their passengers , led by the ominous wes studi , are the type of multi-national terrorist squads usually only seen in die hard films . and their cargo . . . let's just say it has very high explosive potential . what is the target of these thieves ? why , the argonauticus , of course , a high tech luxury cruise yacht on its maiden voyage . but something else is hunting the argonauticus . . . something ancient and deadly . by the time the thieves arrive , nearly everyone on board the ship has been killed . and now the creature senses fresh meat ! so , you have the thieves and their mercenary boat crew , joining forces with the surviving passengers ( including the ship owner canton ( anthony heald ) , and a thief with less lofty goals , trillian ( famke janssen ) ) against the terror from the deep . and the monster gets to pick them off one by one . fortunately for the creature , this particular band of criminals happens to be the dumbest the world can offer . why else would they indulge in petty squabbling while they watch their friends become fish food . if there's a more clarion call for unity , i don't know what it might be . it's pretty easy to guess who will get killed off when . there are no surprises in that the most interesting characters seem to last until the end . for the most part , the watery tentacles seem to be acting on the audience's impulses to get rid of the most boring characters first . ( although i wonder if the filmmakers might have extended djimon hounsou's life a bit if they knew this would be released so soon after his acclaim for amistad . ) treat williams is a passable hero , and famke janssen does her best julia roberts impersonation . but while wes studi and anthony heald are particularly slimy , very little of the rest of the company stand out in any way . the biggest treat in the film , however , has to be pantucci , kevin j . o'connor's whining engine-boy , under finnegan's employ . his constant quips may be a bit over-written , but they manage to capture the same vein of nerve-addled humor that bill paxton delivered as hudson in aliens ( or todd graff as hippie in the abyss , for that matter ) . it's just a stock part ( the comic-relief character ) , but it almost makes this tired alien clone bearable . as far as the monster goes , although the cgi is done well , the creature has no logical consistency . think back to the great ( or even just good ) movie monsters . they all had a set of " rules " about what they could do , and how and why they would do it . part of the joy of those films was slowly discovering , along with the heroes , just what those rules are . the tentacle monster in deep rising doesn't have a set of rules . . . or if it does , not a very good one . it merely eats ( or drinks , as the case may be ) , and there is no rhyme or reason for what it does in order to do so . the film never explains why the argonauticus is attacked in the first place . it simply happens . the action scenes are decent , but few are noteworthy . the film definitely does suffer from its proximity to titanic . deep rising's peril in the water scenes pale next to cameron's ( but can you really blame them ) . unfortunately , deep rising's efforts are more on par with speed 2 . on the plus side , however , the film's closing image shows some promise for a potentially interesting ( but unlikely ) sequel . perhaps you'd be better off waiting for that one .

" my name is jack carter , and you don't want to know me " says our brooding anti-hero ( sylvester stallone ) . take his advice ! to know this guy is as rewarding as being thrown over a terrace . and to watch this film is almost as painful . " get carter " is a gloomy looking , unimaginative film that offers no joy . jack carter is as tough as tough guys come . he works out of vegas as a self-described 'financial adjuster' . explaining his duties , he says , " people make promises and break them . i help them remember . " he has a chiseled body full of tattoos . he has the weathered look indicative of a man who has seen his share of hard times . he speaks in a hushed but menacing tone of voice . in other words , this is sylvester stallone acting like . . . sylvester stallone . and like most of his previous roles , his character is a shallow , one-dimensional thug whose modus operandi is to talk tough , hassle a few hapless people , find out what he needs to know , and then dispense his own kind of justice . with the charisma of a pit bull , being tough is all that jack carter knows . yet , even tough guys know when to put family first . as the story begins , we learn that jack's little brother has died in a car accident . the police attribute it to heavy drinking . however , jack is suspicious , believing that he was 'taken out' . he takes a break from his vegas duties and tries to see if he can find the truth . as he pokes around , he runs into several lowlife characters . they include a shady business partner , a prostitute , a dweebish millionaire molded after bill gates , and an oily owner of a porn website . any one of them may know something about his brother's death . all of them have the means of carrying out the deed . but don't expect an exercise in sleuthing where well-placed clues lead carter to the truth . he's all brawn and no brains , so there are no epiphanies during his investigation . instead , he uses intimidation to muscle his way forward , cycling through this circle of suspects . flustered with his lack of progress , he cycles through them again and again . this all gets tiring fairly quickly . by the time the film launches into its final act , we're numb from its pedestrian pace . oddly , as a tough-guy thriller , it starves us for action . admittedly , there is one nifty chase sequence , but this is related to a tangential and needless plot ( carter's vegas ties send thugs to retrieve him ) . the story also fails to generate any kind of emotion . stallone has the personality of a slab of stone . and the look and feel of the film is perpetually downcast . the weather is constantly overcast or rainy . meanwhile , most shots take place at night , in dimly lit rooms , or in dark alleys . it's just impossible to get stirred about that kind of atmosphere . as a result , " get carter " amounts to nothing more than a flat thriller , bereft of clever moments and devoid of any excitement . you're better off leaving this guy alone .

while watching loser , it occurred to me that amy heckerling's true genius as a film-maker is casting . in fast times at ridgemont high , she gave us sean penn's jeff spicoli ; in look who's talking , she turned bruce willis into a wise-cracking baby and provided john travolta with is first career revival ; in clueless , she found a star vehicle for the adorableness that is ( or was ) alicia silverstone . she seems to understand instinctively how to find performers the audience will like in spite of their flaws . unfortunately , she may also be starting to understand that she understands . giving appealing actors an appealing script creates likeable movies . giving appealing actors a script in which their appeal _is_ the movie makes for unexpectedly awful films like loser . naturally , heckerling makes her protagonist an all-around swell guy . paul tannek ( jason biggs ) is a small-town boy who gets a scholarship to nyu , then instantly finds himself an island of compassion and diligence in the cold-hearted big city . paul is the kind of guy who gives up his seat on the subway to an elderly woman ; his roommates adam ( zak orth ) , chris ( tom sadoski ) and noah ( jimmi simpson ) are the kind of guys who blast their music and let their waterbeds leak all over paul . paul is also the kind of guy who adores girls from afar , in this case the lovely dora diamond ( mena suvari ) . dora has problems of her own , including a shortage of funds to pay her tuition and a relationship with a professor , edward alcott ( greg kinnear ) , that's more than slightly one-sided . they're two conscientious kids who love animals and homeless people , so clearly they belong together , even if paul is a loser . i must confess that , for a while , i was suckered in by heckerling's casting . jason biggs is an engaging performer whose unconventional looks make him even easier to embrace ; suvari is a coquette with an undercurrent of intelligence . they're pleasant enough to watch , and heckerling gives us plenty of scenes establishing how nice they are and how nice their respective antagonists aren't . then it gradually becomes clear that there's virtually nothing to loser but scenes of that sort . in theory , loser is a romantic comedy , but there is scarcely a laugh to be found in the entire film ( notable exception : a cameo by a scene-stealing comic actor as a video store clerk ) . instead of taking any time to make the characters' situations funny , heckerling spends 98 minutes making her characters' situations pathetic . she shows none of the ear for quirky dialogue that sparked clueless , nor any of that film's interest in lively plotting ( not surprisingly , since clueless's plot came via jane austen's emma ) . she simply turns the film into a pity party . since loser is a film composed almost entirely of establishing character , you might think that those characters would be interesting , or at least slightly complicated . instead , you have people either so perfect or so unredeemable that there's no reason to watch them . paul isn't just a nice guy , he's flawless ; consequently , he's a central character who does absolutely no growing . his roommates aren't just inconsiderate , they're actively evil-blackmailing professor alcott , drugging women with rohypnol and generally giving humanity a bad name . and professor alcott isn't just manipulative , he turns dora into his house slave . dora's unthinking devotion to alcott is the only whiff of basic human frailty to be found in loser , and even that isn't explored in sufficient detail . there's more ambiguity in the 30-second snippet from alan cumming's broadway performance as the emcee in cabaret then there is in the rest of loser it's one thing to turn supporting characters into comic exaggerations ; it's another to flatten your leads into easily digestible mush . and it would help if those comic exaggerations were somehow . . . i don't know . . . comic . still , i spent much of the film holding out the ridiculous hope that heckerling would somehow salvage loser from its tedium and justify my desire to like paul and dora . that hope dissolved the moment heckerling underscored a sequence of paul in the throes of unrequited love to simon and garfunkel's " scarborough fair/canticle . " instead of giving the sequence a knowing wink-a reference to the graduate , a hint that paul is becoming an overly-sensitive clich-heckerling plays it deadly straight . even in the scenes that scream for a light comic touch and a bit of a poke at her protagonist's foibles , she finds it impossible to stray from the gospel of paul as saint . clueless's cher had her self-absorption and manipulative tendencies to balance her cuteness . in loser , amy heckerling shows a leaden hand with material that demands friskiness ( her one show of wit involves naming paul's dorm " hunt's hall " after erstwhile bowery boy huntz hall ) . her gift with casting proved to be her curse . loser may be a crashing bore , but gee , aren't those two kids swell ?

the most amazing thing about paul cox's innocence is how unlike a movie it is . i mean that as the highest compliment . if most studios were to profile an elderly couple who rekindle a 40-year-old romance , i'd want to run and hide . the sex scenes would be handled as a farce , producers would shed 20 years off the characters' ages ( so susan sarandon and harrison ford could star ) and true love would shine through any obstacle without explanation and consequence . along with a charming romantic story , the australian/belgian innocence shows how an increasing sense of mortality combined with revisiting the past while being entrenched in the present can make something that seems so right seem downright questionable . the romance gets started when former musician andreas ( charles " bud " tingwell ) , learns that his true love , claire ( julia blake ) , lives nearby . they decide to catch up on old times , but soon find themselves in a reinvigorating affair . complicating matters is andreas' frail health , and claire's longtime husband ( terry norris ) , who can't understand why he's suddenly become obsolete . in my mind , the movie is less about the relationship between andreas and claire , than the feelings of everyone involved . john , claire's husband , endlessly questions what he did wrong . claire initially insists she's a grown-up , but admittedly behaves like a child , a prospect that thrills and disappoints her . andreas , an agnostic , begins to question his fate , a message cox delivers in a memorable dream sequence . cox litters the movie with flashbacks , including the repeated vision of a roaring train . it's a reminder of andreas and claire's past love ( as young lovers , they met by train ) , but as it recurs , we get the feeling that the past and the present have clashed . a pall is cast on the whole affair . a master of the understated , cox strings together a series of memorable moments . in andreas' dream sequence , amidst the roar of the train and conversations , we get the whole picture of andreas and claire's love . we also get glimpses into john and claire's relationship . during a silent candlelit dinner shortly afterward , claire admits to john about her indiscretion , telling more than any monologue could . all that's heard is the scraping of forks against plates . the characters are unlike anything i've seen -- they're people . so many times , movies and especially television portray senior citizens as gratingly spunky . or they're reduced to comedic buffoons . ordinary people with a pile of emotions , claire and andreas aren't sure what the next step is . they do want to be happy , which consists of an entirely different set of conditions than what they've known throughout their adult lives . bravo to cox , who wrote the script , for not making john a monster , so that claire's affair is automatically justified . norris is so effective as john that he makes andreas and claire's love difficult to accept . we feel for him . he's a decent man . sure , he may have become complacent , but he never expected this , especially now . with so much presented to the audience , it's only expected that the material gets a little drawn out and repetitive , which it does . however , in bringing up tough questions and not offering easy answers , cox displays a skill and ? lan isn't likely to be surpassed by anyone anytime soon .

billy bob thornton , who had a sudden rise to fame with 1996's sling blade after spending years as a virtually unknown actor and writer , is becoming one of the most versatile - and most accomplished - american actors around at the moment . as jacob , the simple but at times very bright loser brother of bill paxton's hank , thornton gives a performance which should leave an indelible mark on all but the most hardened viewers . three men , hank ( paxton ) , jacob ( thornton ) and their friend lou ( brent briscoe ) stumble upon a plane wreck which , upon closer inspection , yields a rotting corpse and a bag full of money . jacob and lou want to pocket the cash . hank , the smarter - and perhaps more naive - of the three , insists on leaving the money for the authorities to find . eventually , they agree to keep the cash safe until the plane is found , and then split the money three ways . things start going wrong , though , with greed and violence weaving their ways through their plan . disaster is sure to strike . director sam raimi , of the evil dead and darkman fame , has made an excellent and thought-provoking film , worlds away from the comic horror films which made his name . while there are a couple of moments which might remind one of his earlier work , raimi has made an intelligent and mature departure which will hopefully be a sign of even greater films to come . scott b . smith's screenplay , based on his novel ( which i haven't read ) is a fine example of escalating tension . while it does remind one of danny boyle's shallow grave without the abundance of black humour , it keeps the drama that should really be a part of such a story on morality , or the lack thereof , found in a film with this subject matter . alar kivilo's cinematography reminds one of joel and ethan coen's fargo , with the bleak , snowy landscape almost becoming another character . danny elfman also does well with his moody , finely-written score . if there's a flaw in the film , it's that it goes on for just a little too long . just when we think that they are about to wrap things up , raimi and smith decide to let the film go on a little further . while this isn't really a bad thing , it did become a little frustrating at times ( this may have been due to the fact that i had consumed a large sprite beforehand ) . the performances are excellent , with the usually annoying paxton in fine form and bridget fonda giving a scene-stealing turn as hank's scheming wife . this is an excellent showcase for thornton's fine skills as an actor and a great change in direction for raimi , who could very well have a career ahead of him as an accomplished director of dramatic films . fingers crossed , though , that this doesn't stop him from making another evil dead sequel .

capsule : the running gag pair of characters from all of kevin smith's films gets their own movie . the gags are sporadically funny . it is more than occasionally funny for teens who are fond of scatological humor and anti-gay jokes . the plot is weak and the leads are not a particularly funny comic team . the little inside jokes and digs at other entertainment and particularly at kevin smith films are the best features of the film . sadly for me they were just not funny enough to make the film worth watching . this feels like the high school skit that that the principal would not let the kids do on talent night . ( and it turns out he had very good reasons . ) , low 0 ( -4 to +4 ) a film needs a plot . it needs characters for empathy value . it needs a story and an emotional center . if a film is just a chain of jokes it can only be so good and any entertainment value will succeed or fail based on how funny the jokes are . kevin smith has now made two satisfying films , clerks and chasing amy . with dogma he tried to make a philosophical religious comedy and mixed with a madcap romp . peter cook and dudley moore did that very successfully with their bedazzled . but getting the combination to work is very hard to do right and kevin smith's fecal monsters in dogma were not the way to do it . his remaining two films , mallrats and his new jay and silent bob strike back are aimed squarely at a teenage audience . jay and silent bob strike back is a compendium of gay jokes , penis jokes , flatulence jokes , film pastiches , and in-jokes . how funny the jokes are will be a subjective call . for me , the vast majority of the jokes were just not very funny . there was not enough cleverness or variety . it is funny at most once or twice to accuse someone of being gay . penis jokes work only so many times . showing up as minor characters in every kevin smith film jay and silent bob were a clever pair of human running gags . they were sort of the modern equivalents of naunton wayne and basil radford , the comic duo who showed up satirizing the english middle class in several good british post-war films including dead of night , the lady vanishes , and passport to pimlico . jay and silent bob were originally supposedly typical generation x stoners . as the series wore on they had larger and larger parts . in jay and silent bob strike back they are the leads . jay and silent bob ( played by jason mewes and kevin smith ) are chased away from the front of the convenience store where they were dealing drugs in clerks . this leaves them at loose ends . they are not sure what would be worthwhile to do with their lives when they hear that a comic book with characters visually modeled on them will be adapted into a movie . they decide to devote their lives to wrecking the movie or getting some of that big movie industry cash . so it is off to hollywood to shake down the movie company and having adventures along the way . the film is mostly about their adventures on the road and when they get to hollywood the problem with this comedy team is that neither really pulls his weight to make the film funny . silent bob , being silent , can only contribute to the comedy by reacting with that very expressive face of his . this makes his piece of the comedy even less than a straight man like a dean martin or bud abbott would have . jay has to be the comic . he could carry the load for both if he were extremely inventive . the problem is that he is not sufficiently funny . he is too bland to be the comic half and his lines just do not show any comic flair . so jay and silent bob are a long way from being a successful comic team . their starring roles and the low humor make this a comedy for those young at mind and for people who can laugh at gags they have seen before--sometimes just minutes before . like dogma before it , but definitely not like chasing amy , this film feels more like an amateurish skit than a real movie . certainly neither the plot nor the characters are at all involving . they are excuses for gags , many of which still fall flat . it is dogma without any of the humorous theological content . the film does not offer much to an adult audience . i rate it 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low 0 on the -4 to +4 scale .

starring shawnee smith ; donovan leitch ; ricky paull goldin ; kevin dillon & billy beck the blob is the remake of the 1960's classic ( a term that i use very loosely to define the original ) about a really mean glob of goop that takes out anything that gets in its way . now the original version has the virtue of cheesy special effects which give it a kind of nostalgic campy feel . the fact that steve mcqueen was the star of the film doesn't exactly hurt it either . fast forward to the late '80's . steve mcqueen isn't in the remake ( this might have something to do with the fact that he had been pushing up daisies for years ) . nor is there any hollywood heavy hitters in the lead role . that is unless you count matt dillon's brother kevin as a hollywood heavy hitter . the other thing that works against this new blob is that special effects technology has improved dramatically since the original . the only things you need now to have great special effects in a movie are deep pockets . it looks as if the produces of the new blob had a couple of holes in their pockets . the special effects in this movie are cheesy , like the original's . unlike the original , they don't look campy , they just look cheap . one bright spot in the movie from a purely sexist point of view is shawnee smith . she is very attractive and can actually act , which is more than i can say about some of her costars . in terms of plot , a little ball of pink goop falls from the sky . seems this goop was an experiment that was being housed up on a satellite . anyway , the pink stuff has a taste for humans . the more people it absorbs , the bigger it gets . and it isn't the friendliest goop on the block either . anyway , it attacks this little town and it's up to the attractive local teenage population to stop it . not really , but that is how it seems . this version attempts to recapture the camp of the original . as i've already said , this new version of the blob comes off more as cheap , badly acted , and badly written than campy . in the years since this film was made none of the cast have gone on to greatness . although , star shawnee smith had a very tiny role in armageddon . the reason that we have never heard of any of them again is quite simple -- they all stunk out loud . although some of the film's smaller roles are filled with some actors that , while not big stars , are doubtless people that you will recognize from their supporting roles in other movies and tv shows . it also appears that the producers of the blob tried to compensate for the lack of a special effects budget by making the scenes in which the blob makes meals of the townsfolk as gory as possible . sadly , it doesn't work very well . if you want to see a big ball of goop terrorize a town , then i would say that you should skip the remake and rent the original . ( although that isn't so hot either . ) this newest version is seriously lacking in any redeeming qualities .

in my reviews i try to make gentle recommendations rather than telling you what to see or what not to see . i realize that we all have different tastes and i cannot predict what my audience will like and what they will dislike . but in the case of american beauty , i must make an exception . if you haven't yet seen it , go see it . now . stop reading this review and head for your local multiplex , then after you've seen it , come back . i'll wait here . welcome back . if you followed my advice ( and i see no reason why you should not have , do you ? ) , i'm sure you've just had one of the richest cinematic experiences of your life . american beauty is an extraordinary film , a powerful , jolting exploration of the dark side of the american dream . it's humorous but it isn't funny because of the unrelenting ominous undercurrent that runs throughout the whole production . mixing comedy and the darkest of drama was the way this film was intended , and by god , it works , making it one of the year's very best . lester burnham ( kevin spacey ) has entered the mother of all mid-life crises . he is living life without a purpose . he is bored , depressed and sick of his sheltered , insignificant existence . he barely ever talks to his family , has no sex life , is stuck at a dead-end job and thinks he has no reason to live . but one day , when he and his equally troubled wife ( annette bening ) attend one of his daughter's ( thora birch ) cheerleading performances , he sees something that makes him come alive . what he sees is the performance by his daughter's friend , the head cheerleader . he develops a lust for the promiscuous young girl ; an obsession which soon becomes pedophilic in nature . but for the first time , lester feels that he is actually living . this crush is only the beginning . lester proceeds to make more and more radical changes in his life , buying the car of his dreams , cursing off the boss and quitting his job ( " today i quit my job , told the boss to f * * * himself and blackmailed him for $60 , 000 -- would you pass the asparagus please ? " ) , buying drugs from the voyeur-next-door ( ricky fitts , a teenager who mysteriously videotapes what he considers to be " beauty " ) and refusing to be docile in family affairs . his new attitude further alienates his daughter , only reassuring her that her parents are nothing more than freaks of nature unjustly forced on her by the powers that be , and inspiring her to enter a relationship with her eccentric neighbor . and the burnhams's neighbors provide american beauty with a significant chunk of its dramatic momentum . ricky fitts ( wes bentley ) serves as the film's thematic center , providing the obscure , powerful meaning of the title . colonel fitts , the father , is one of the most fascinating and complex characters in the movie , even considering his limited screentime . kevin spacey has never been better , and this performance will certainly earn him a chance to put a little gold person on his mantel . he never plays his droll character as a freak , rather , he effectively portrays him as a normal person led to drastic self-exploration by his dissatisfaction with life . spacey is poignant and devastating in the role of a lifetime . equally astonishing is young thora birch , who plays her potentially stereotypical rebellious teen character with suprising feeling and tenderness . at two hours and ten minutes , american beauty didn't feel nearly long enough . it's a complicated , unforgettable film that , like the ice storm two years ago , dares to explore the darkest reaches of suburban life . powerfully and cynically , it dissects the notion of the pretty house with the white picket fence and appealing garden being the american dream . it claims that this picture-perfect image is just that -- an image , and hiding behind it are lives much darker than common knowledge would have it . the dark , deeply ironic ending , though given away by our narrator in the first few minutes of the movie , stays with you for weeks after it's all over . american beauty is just the kind of uncompromising film hollywood needs every now and then to counterbalance the mindless drivel we see released ; even more so considering it's a masterpiece .

there have been merchant-ivory costume dramas with more of a pulse than " the mod squad , " a self-consciously " hip " cinematic rendering of the old tv series still looked upon fondly by so many baby-boomers . well , said " squad " certainly won't be a pleasant viewing experience for them or anybody else , maybe even the teen target audience the movie has been geared towards . a contemporary take on this decidedly '70s show doesn't exactly seem unwarranted , but one wonders if the mold it accumulated while waiting on the shelf didn't transform into a full-blown case of botulism . how curious that the film begins by defining both mod and squad , insisting that the latter is a group of people working together and then contradicting this definition by keeping its titular trio apart for a sizeable chunk of the running time . they are julie , pete and linc , reformed delinquents working undercover for the lapd ( exposition put out of the way so fast that you're likely to be lost from the opening moments on ) , and they are respectively played by claire danes , giovanni ribisi and omar epps , talented actors each deserving of better than this . their plight involves standard cop-corruption stuff , as our would-be protagonists catch wind of an internal cover-up after their superior ( reliable dennis farina , one of the best things here and gone so quickly ) gets killed and framed for drug trafficking . they pout a lot and eventually get cracking to expose this convoluted conspiracy using surveillance tactics that would impress the hardy boys and linda tripp but few others . when you're supposed to be asking , " what's going to happen next ? " , you'll instead entertain thoughts like " who are these people and why should i care ? " or " aren't thrillers supposed to contain thrills ? " not that danes , epps and ribisi don't give it a shot . danes can do the troubled teen thing in her sleep , as evidenced by " my so-called life , " but she's saddled with a mysterious-boyfriend ( josh brolin ) subplot so see-through you begin to seriously question her so-called intelligence . ditto for ribisi's ( " saving private ryan " ) looney loose cannon , though at least he performs with a wild-and-crazy vigor that occasionally demands attention . but epps - poor epps . epps ( " higher learning " ) is so short-changed he's reduced to literally waiting around for a bad guy to chase him . all this sloppiness can be attributed to the screenwriters , one of whom , scott silver , is also the director . they must think that if they dress up their stupid story in such spiffy trappings ( the look of the film is really quite impressive ) , it'll somehow pay off , but this " mod squad " plods anyway . characters are non-existent ; present are just some good-looking young things modeling cool levis and cooler attitudes . plot hardly escapes confusing convention . and the one genre element you'd think would be show up in generous portions - a few nifty explosions , some fights , any kind of action whatsoever - only rarely makes it to this dull gabfest . all those quick to put down last month's inept but serviceable " my favorite martian " update need to take a step back . here's a small-to-big-screen translation that really should've stayed in its former incarnation , " mod " or not .

i think maybe it's time for the batman series to be put to rest . not only has the first two films' unsettling insight into what it would really take for someone to make himself into a " superhero " been abandoned , but this one throws any lingering realism out the window and goes for all-out camp with few traces of the self-mocking restraint of the relatively light-hearted third installment . let me give you an example : in the first scene of the movie , batman ( george clooney ) and robin ( chris o'donnell ) are summoned to a museum that has been literally turned to ice by mr . freeze ( arnold schwarzenegger ) in an attempt to steal a diamond . mr . freeze's thugs are armed with none other than hockey sticks , but this is no problem for our heroes : automatic skates shoot out of their shoes , at which point robin manages to get hold of a hockey stick , grabs the diamond , and stick-handles it through the museum . i might have expected this from an airplane-style farce , but i don't think that's what this movie is supposed to be . after all , the previous three batman movies were actually fairly realistic by the standards of the superhero/action genre and kept the corny death-defying stunts to a minimum , while playing the obligatory cheesiness with at least some amount of irony . not any more ; the list goes on and on in this one . robin holds onto the outside of a flying rocket ship 30 , 000 feet high in the atmosphere , climbing in the door to save batman . mr . freeze and poison ivy ( uma thurman ) leap from a skyscraper and survive by landing in a small pond . a world dominating mad scientist lives in a fortress that seems to have been stolen from the old he-man cartoons . my very favorite example is the scene in which batgirl ( alicia silverstone ) gets in a race with motorcycle thugs , during which they come up with the clever notion of dousing the road with gasoline and setting it on fire to distract her . not bad , but wouldn't the police ( or maybe batman ? ) notice if the road was on fire ? i knew gotham city was this crazy anarchic place , but . . . . it also seems that the creators of the batman movies are obeying some unwritten rule that there have to be more main characters and plot lines in each successive installment . as if three protagonists and two villains weren't enough , batman and robin further weighs itself down with an underdeveloped side story of the failing health of bruce wayne's butler alfred ( michael gough ) , which might have seemed poignant if it wasn't surrounded by so much silliness , as well as several scenes with elle macpherson as bruce's girlfriend which serve no purpose other than to remind us that she is in the movie . all this might be semi-excusable if the story were interesting and entertaining , but it isn't . in fact , it's kind of boring . mr . freeze and poison ivy pale in comparison as villains to past baddies such as jack nicholson's joker and danny devito's penguin . their evil plot is as predictable ( schwarzenegger actually pronounces the words , " today gotham city , tomorrow the world ! " ) as it is lame-brained ( didn't it ever occur to poison ivy that freezing the entire world would kill her precious plants too ? ) . and robin's constant challenging of batman mostly just makes him look bull-headed and stupid and makes us wonder why batman ever would have taken him on as a partner in the first place . strip away the stars , the fancy set design , and the status as a " batman movie , " and all you have here is another barely passable summer action flick .

young einstein is embarrassingly lame , but that didn't stop it from becoming a phenomenon in australia , where it became the third largest box office hit of all time . in the u . s . , warner brothers is hoping the movie will follow in the footsteps of paul hogan , inxs , and shrimp on the barby to become the latest rage from down under . personally , i'm hoping americans everywhere will rise to the occasion and make young einstein a box office bomb . young einstein sprang from the twisted mind of yahoo serious , who not only wrote , produced , edited , and directed the film , but also starred and did his own stunts . his creation is about as stupid and contrived as you'd expect from someone named yahoo . the movie takes substantial historical liberties in recreating einstein's youth . whereas the scientist actually hailed from germany , the film finds him still living with his parents on tasmania , a remote australian island . in addition to deriving the formula for energy and the theory of relativity , albert invents surfing , bubbles in beer , and the electric guitar . yahoo plays einstein as a naive and unrefined country hick--a clown with an insatiable curiosity . although yahoo's performance is at first endearing , the one-dimensional characterization loses its novelty faster than you can say e=mc2 . yahoo has created a charming family for albert , and the scenes on tasmania are often clever . but after the first twenty minutes , the movie quickly plummets and degenerates into a poor excuse for a comedy . young einstein is hampered by its lethargic pace and inane plot . yahoo must be an mtv addict because his movie features an omnipresent soundtrack ; unfortunately , the music is altogether gratuitous and quickly becomes overbearing . almost every other scene includes a blaring rock song that leaves you wondering whether you are watching a movie or a music video . the instrumental score , on the other hand , is generally playful ; yahoo uses such classics as the " 1812 overture " and the theme from the good , the bad and the ugly to great comic effect . halfway through young einstein , i knew for sure the movie was a stinker . but it wasn't until the very end that i finally put my finger on why : the comedy takes its roots not from whimsical film fantasies ( such as young sherlock holmes ) but from cheesy prime-time sitcoms . in fact , young einstein might have been more at home on network television , where its sophomoric humor wouldn't raise any eyebrows .

the central focus of michael winterbottom's " welcome to sarajevo " is sarajevo itself , the city under siege , and its different effect on the characters unfortunate enough to be stuck there . it proves the backdrop for a stunningly realized story which refreshingly strays from mythic portents ( " platoon " ) , racial tumultuosness ( the risible " the walking dead " ) or a tinge of schmaltziness ( " schindler's list " ) . the two leads , stephen dillane as a reporter and emira nusevic as an orphan with a plight few can identify with , are extremely believable ; not one moment with them involved rings false . the question is not what went right . the question is what went wrong . for one , the film fails to provide a political overview of the war as it progresses ( the dillane characters reports an american plane departing from sarajevo as it departs , and that's about it . ) . the assortment of high-profile supporting actors , ranging from woody harrelson as a yankee reporter " into " liquor and cigarrettes to marisa tomei as a huggable children's aid or somesuch are incapable of rising above the sketchiness of their characters , albeit they strive . the interrupted use of authentic war footage somewhat hampers the rest of the film , it makes the fictional characters seem powerless by comparison . still , winterbottom eschews mawkishness through flashy , frantic editing and imaginative use of music . and it's a plus , because he doesn't toy with our emotions with sentimental blandness . he wants us to know that in war , no one is victorious . the sweet hereafter starring ian holm , sarah polley , bruce greenwood , tom mccamus , gabrielle rose , arsinee khanjian , alberta watson , maury chaykin , caerthan banks . produced by atom egoyan and camelia frieberg . script by atom egoyan ( based on the novel by russell banks ) . directed by atom egoyan . running time : 110 mins . rated r . __________________________________________________________ atom egoyan's powerfully meditative " the sweet hereafter " is as anything as haunting and transcendental as i've seen this year . it not only explores the aftermaths of a terrible tragedy with magnificent subtlety , with cold , and stunning shots of the backdrop of this mistfortune but also by telegraphing the sense of devastation that has permeated the small town with an enormous amount of dignity and respect for each and every soul affected . ian holm as the somber , lonely lawyer seeking compensation for the townspeople , has a decency and a restraint uncommon with lawyers , he's a lion for the wrong reasons : the pain for having lost his daughter ( she's a druggie who frequently calls him begging for money ) is reflected on the town . and in some mesmerizing flashbacks , we witness how she lost her purity . it's one of the most strikingly breathtaking takes on the loss of innocence i've ever seen . but the most astounding part goes to sarah polly , the peaceful , benevolent girl who , in contrast to the other characters , remains the most mentally stable during past , present or future . her ability to convey concealed pain and unconditional love is the opposite , yet near-revolutionary role that won emily watson an oscar nomination for " breaking the waves " . both women are torn apart by an extraordinary incident but it is only then that we truly see , truly feel , their wordless , omnipotent love . " the sweet hereafter " though , is atom egoyan's movie and as of now , he is emerging as the definite face of independent cinema . after surging to worldwide recognition with 1994's " exotica " , " the sweet hereafter " makes him something few people in this industry can call themselves : an artist . he interweaves time with a delicacy and sees a soul with a purity that is just not common .

my inner flag was at half-mast last year when nick at nite pulled " dragnet " reruns off the air . sure , i'd seen them all at least once , but i could always count on at least a few inadvertent laughs from ultra-serious jack webb when there was nothing else on tv . even though " dragnet " is out of circulation at the moment , we webb anti-fans still have the d . i . , a 50's propaganda piece for the military that is almost as hilarious as the famous " blue boy " episode of " dragnet . " for anyone like me who got laughs out of webb's rapid-fire speeches and straight-faced seriousness , think of the d . i . as what would happen if sgt . joe friday ever enlisted , because he plays exactly the same character here , a no-nonsense old fart who looks with disdain at the younger generation and loves to give long- winded , melodramatic speeches on any topic . in this election year , i'm more convinced than ever that webb and bob dole were separated at birth . the movie opens in characteristic fashion as one recruit after another knocks on webb's office door and enters . he gives each one a different series of cranky criticisms before the credits come up . the " produced and directed by jack webb " card pretty much goes without saying . this is his movie all the way , and after the first twenty minutes of him chewing out his recruits for no reason , i was wondering if there would even be a plot . i certainly would have been entertained by an hour and a half of trademark webb rants , but the d . i . gives us more -- much more . webb's mission is to make a man out of private owens , the local screw-up . the captain gives webb three days to convert owens into marine material or , the captain will " personally cut the lace off his panties and ship him out myself . " ( whether the " lace panties " part refers to webb or owens remains unanswered . ) this , of course , gives webb an excuse to focus all his crotchety energy on making owens' life a living hell . for those of you who haven't been indoctrinated into the pleasures of webb watching , here's a reprint of a typical monologue of his . i can't duplicate his hilarious delivery on paper , but the words should at least partially convey what i'm talking about . . . " now you listen to me , youngster . someday you'll wake up fighting on a beach and you'll pray to god somebody doesn't get killed because of your foolishness . . . i've got a headline for you : every time you make one of those little mistakes of yours , you're gonna turn around and i'll be standing right there . " i couldn't write down all the reprintable dialogue from the d . i . ( nearly all of it belongs in the bad movie hall of fame ) , but i tried to include some of the more noteworthy lines , like one from the scene where webb unwinds from a hard day's work by going to the local bar ( where he orders a tomato juice ) . he meets a woman who , coincidentally , also orders tomato juice but walks away from a typically-stimulating conversation with webb to flirt with his arch-rival , another marine d . i . webb marches over to the table , gets up in her face and says , " just what kind of a dame do you think you are ? " bogart he ain't . the other d . i . gets one of the few memorable non-webb lines when he confesses to the girl , " he's a damn good d . i . . . . i guess i'm just a little jealous . " join the club , we're all jealous of jack webb's way with women , which is showcased even more amusingly in a later scene , as webb finds his way to the woman's place of employment , a lingerie store , and stands around looking incredibly flustered at the negligees on display . " you expect me to talk to you . . . in _here_ ? ! " he exclaims , no doubt intimidated by the barrage of bras . the woman goes off to help a customer , leaving webb to fend for himself once again in this palace of estrogen . a little girl spots him in the store and demands , " what are you doing in here . . . you're a man , aren't you ? " he doesn't reply , but you know he's thinking in his head , " what an odd species of human -- so small . must be one of those children everyone's been talking about . " this poor girl , scarred for life by her early encounter with jack webb , would later swear off the male gender entirely , just one of the many lesbian conversions he's responsible for . the movie doesn't focus too closely on webb's romance , it also continues the owens subplot with probably the most memorable scene in the entire movie , where webb forces his platoon to spend the entire night searching the ground for a flea owens killed during one of their drills . after two privates hatch a scheme to present webb with the wrong dead flea , webb asks owens , " was that flea you killed a male or female ? " owens replies , " a male , sir . " webb yells to the platoon , " this ain't the one ! " that such a scene ( along with the rest of the movie ) was intended to be taken seriously defies comment . but we know it was all presented with the utmost seriousness when a title card at the end thanks the marines not only for their cooperation in the making of the d . i . , but for iwo jima , guadalcanal and every other major battle of the first half of the 20th century . webb held the military in such high esteem that all the soldiers in the movie ( with the exception of owens ) were played by actual marines . someone wanting to parody this movie couldn't do a more comical job than webb did . it makes it all the more ironic ( like raeeyain on your wedding day ) that the man had no sense of humor himself . there's a scene in the movie where the guys are on their break time discussing something and one of them breaks into laughter . webb bursts in the room and shouts , " what did i tell you about laughing ? ! " to which the private replies , " sir , only nine-year-old girls laugh , sir ! " and let me tell you , i was as happy as a nine-year- old girl while watching this movie .

late in down to you , the lead female character ( julia stiles ) states her greatest fear is having an " artificial conversation " with her boyfriend ( freddie prinze jr . ) . the irony of this statement will not be lost on audience members who have not yet walked out , fallen asleep , or otherwise given up on this pathetic attempt at romantic comedy . the film is a multi-million dollar testament to everything artificial . filled with characters , motivation , plot and dialogue that ring fake and shallow at every step this is an unquestionable disaster . prinze plays a college student intent on playing the field until he falls for stiles' freshman co-ed . at first the movie seems to be an attempt to string along scenes with the sole purpose of out-doing the previous in how " cute " it can be . the happy couple " psychoanalyze " each other ; they pick out a song because , as prinze's dj mother ( lucie arnez ) explains , every couple needs a song ; he smells her shampoo ; she scratches his chest in the morning to let him know she wants to make love . then , in standard romantic comedy style , things fall apart . why ? well , because they have to . otherwise the couple can't make up and live ( presumably ) happily ever after . down to you exists outside the realm of normal logic . scenes do not connect to each other and it often seems to be attempting some sort of surrealism , but this is handled so poorly that everything comes off random and stupid instead . a picnic scene involving the six key characters is just bizarre , not only for the stretched logic of these people hanging out together , or even knowing each other , but mostly because an unusual amount of screen time is dedicated to a goat . the supporting characters are remarkably flat , and insultingly ridiculous as well . stiles' best friend ( rosario dawson ) is a pot head , prinze's roommate ( shawn hatosy ) is a girl crazy fool who can't meet women , and then there are the porn stars ( zak orth and selma blair ) . he is one of those famous porn stars who is frequently interviewed on television , does the college lecture circuit , and stars in high budget costume epic porns that are shot on film . you know , the average porn star . the costume epic idea gives him a reason to appear in a different ridiculous outfit everytime he's on screen , the porn angle exists just so there can be a couple of stupid sex jokes . she is a porn star mostly so we know she's slutty , so her very existence will make stiles jealous and prinze tempted . attempts at drama ( which means julia is going to cry ) include a pregnancy scare and the big break up . these characters are so insipid only the most forgiving viewer would be manipulated by these weak scenes . what happened here ? the cast is full of likable , promising , young actors ( stiles especially seems to be going places ) . writer/director kris isacsson has simply given them material so weak not even seasoned pros could pull it off . in fact the whole film feels like a reworking of last year's extremely unpleasant the story of us , for teen audiences . the direction is film-school-grad obvious . it's stylish in a hugely self conscious way which throws in split screen , a pointless parody of " cops , " characters walking into the flashbacks of other characters , and a hilariously cheesy airport meeting between prinze and stiles where all the extras move in fast motion while the couple moves in extreme slow motion . plus , the whole story is told flashback style , narrated by prinze and stiles directly addressing the camera . this is the second film in a row ( following wing commander ) starring freddie prinze jr . which should have premiered on the aisles of the local blockbuster but was likely saved from that fate due to the fluke success of she's all that . if he doesn't start making better choices fast his future films won't be so lucky .

" the celebration " is one of an elite kind of films that is completely absorbant . you know , where you sit down to watch it , and no matter what you've heard about it before , you just can't help but be totally drawn into its story and shocked by every single turn that occurs . i prefer films like these because these are what the best kind of films are like . i don't really feel there are to be any real " rules " for cinema ; a film can do anything , as long as it makes it work . but i do ask that all films have one thing in common : they create experiences . when i watch a film , no matter what kind of film it is , i want to be able to take certain memories along with me . " the celebration " is great because it's chock full of those . it creates a world so completely realistic that everything that occurs is as memorable as the little instances of life that catch your attention and stay with you for the rest of your life . and then it makes things just a tad bit farscial , just to make sure you're paying attention , which you are because what transpires is just so goddam interesting that if you were to ever feel bored , then you're of your attention span needs a bit of a tuning-up . the story takes place at the extravagant home of an aging patriarch ( henning mortizen ) , who has just turned 60 and is having a party thrown for him . all his friends and family turn up , and for the first half hour , we get introduced to everyone , simplistically and realistically ( no aggravatingly condescending posing for the camera deals here ) . the eldest son , christian ( ulrich thomsen , looking a bit like a young malcolm mcdowell ) , is the first to be seen in the film , walking to his father's home . his brother , michael ( thomas bo larsen ) , drives by , pulls over , greets him , then kicks his family out of the car , forcing them to walk to the estate , just so christian can be comfortable . we then meet helene ( paprika steen ) , their sister , a woman who always seems to be stressed-out , who invites the driver of her car ( gbatokai dakinah ) , an american , to to come join her at the party she's going to . once they're all there and settled in , the party begins , and as custom , the eldest son has to make a speech to his dad , so christian stands up , at the head of the table , and reveals the film's punchline : his father raped all his children at a young age . but since this is a family/friends affair , his confession becomes more detested than the supposed truth , and is simply brushed off despite his efforts , and what transpires is sorta like jerry springer crossed with jean renoir , and it's all terribly interesting to watch . twists occur , and soon the film has taken on a nearly-farsical nature , but still seems realistic because the people involved really feel like they could reach such ends . the most notorious thing about this film , which has been getting the most notice , though , is that the director , thomas vinterberg has shot it in a completely awkward fashion . as a member of the danish filmmakers clan , dogme 95 , a group that has vowed to oppose " the auteur concept , make-up , illusions , and dramaturgical predictability " so that they may " purge film so that once again the inner lives of the characters justify the plot . " i have not seen " breaking the waves , " the other notable film by a member of this group ( lars von trier , to be exact ) , but " the celebration " works exquisitely in this department . it feels like reality , like you're actually watching real people and not actors , and as a major pointer , has been shot on video . as a result , it looks more like the home movies you never dare shot of your family than an actual film , but always wanted to . we see key moments in people's lives that they wouldn't dare show to the world , and it captures the farscial comedy of life so accurately and acutely that this style , as ironically-showmanship as it really is , works perfectly for the nature of the film . the key , though , to this film , and the reason it's not just a cool danish import , is because this film is not about revealing the truth as much as it is about the way people react to such an explosive truth . throughout the film , we see a completely realized debate over the truth and the effects it has on the lives of those who have learned to live with lies , a debate so three-dimensional that it could easily blow oliver stone and his the-truth-at-all-costs reasoning out of the water . of course it was not right for the father to rape his children , and of course , they couldn't have fought back then , and of course this has created scarring suppression inside them . and yes , it's thearapeutic for one to release the truth years later , when they know it could easily destroy the one who emotionally destroyed them earlier . but then again , the father , after all , is not a totally bad guy , and we can see the emotional complications that arise thanks to a performance by mortizen which is just so great and touching that while we do believe that he could have raped his children years earlier , we also see a man who has also learned to live with what he's done , and deep down , feels true guilt that is only now beginning to surface . the final scene , involving mortizen and everyone else , is utterly devastating , thanks to him and thomsen , whose performance is utterly flawless and equally emotionally complex . everyone else is flawless as well - the actors never seem to be stepping into the shoes of their characters as much as they do walking comfortably in them . the actors or writers have not made the mistake to judge these characters in the slightest : there are no whites or blacks but instead all grays , exactly like life . as such , " the celebration " may be the one truly bizarro film of the year : a work of art so eerily close to reality that it's utterly disturbing and utterly fascinating .

the summer of 00' wasn't a very good one for devout cinephiles . it offered no blair witches or sixth senses ; the best big budget hollywood could do was an efficient x-men adaptation and a flawed but entertaining shaft update . nurse betty signals the unofficial end of that dreadful summer movie season and the commencement of a potentially brighter fall movie season , that battery-charging ( at least for critics who have to sit through every piece o' shit that moseys into multiplexes ) time of year when all those oscar contenders ( read : " quality " films ) compete for audiences . alas betty has the dubious distinction of being the first overpraised junk heap of the new season . it's also indie director neil labute's first attempt at something resembling a mainstream picture , and i'm sad to report it's a resounding failure ( at least on this web site ) , a mess that's as hopelessly saccharine as people have accused labute's previous films of being unrelentingly masochistic . i went in expecting something decent , for betty was gleefully praised , it's screenplay even winning an award at cannes , but i exited shaking my noggin in bewilderment . are critics so desperate for something unique that they're blind to how derivative the particular brand of " uniqueness " betty dolls out is ? for the first time labute is working from a script he has not written , and he seems unsure of how to handle the material . betty tries to be hip like pulp fiction ( this is another flick featuring a pair of strangely bright and articulate hit men ) , enchanting like the wizard of oz ( of which this film makes several allusions to ) and heartwarming like [stick in your favorite loveable misfit movie] , but by the end it left me cold with its calculated desperation . it's labute's half hearted attempt to make a crowd pleaser and he doesn't even seem to have half that heart in it . nurse betty concerns a soap opera addict , betty ( brilliantly played by renee zellweger ) , who witnesses the killing of her husband , del ( aaron eckhart playing the most casually loutish husband since richard benjamin in diary of a mad housewife ) by two hit men ( morgan freeman and chris rock ) . she happens to have her most beloved soap on in the background and somehow merges the two realities . she's blocked out her husband's death and thinks she's a character in her favorite soap , a reason to love . betty sets out on the road to la ( with some drugs unknowingly stashed in her car trunk ) searching for her soap boyfriend dr . david ravell ( greg kinnear ) while the two bickering hit men follow in not so close pursuit . the labute who birthed the extraordinary in the company of men , slipped a bit ( but not much ) with his sophomore effort , your friends and neighbors , then fell straight on his ass with bash , a play he penned that was recently aired on showtime . the play demonstrated no forward movement as an artist , only labute's persistence in wallowing in the horrid things " average " people do to each other , usually with out realizing how horrid they themselves are . in the play , paul rudd , as an obnoxious jock , delivers a monologue detailing how he once followed a gay man into a bathroom and beat him maybe to death , while his clueless girlfriend essentially regards his sadistic behaviors as something along the old maxim " boys will be boys " . another character , schlubby businessman reacts to the loss of his job by actually killing his own baby ! what was once so powerful about labute's work , the casual , nonchalant cruelty and selfishness ( often elements we all have in us amplified to a disgusting degree ) had become so over the top it was borderline comic . obviously , at this point , labute could use a dose of some different kind of material before he pigeon holes himself further , but nurse betty isn't it . he clearly has little passion for what he's doing here , instead replacing his mojo with strained quirks ( one of the hit men is a huge soap fan , and the character of betty would be little more than a one joke gimmick if zelllweger hadn't managed to transcend that ) tailor made to appeal to the widest possible audience . nearly every scene between chris rock and morgan freeman fatally slows the picture down , as the two are made to enact soft-boiled tarantino-esque dialogue . they evince little chemistry , with rock constantly in over the top rant mode , acting more like an angry comic than any thing resembling a hit man ( an occupation that's represented far too frequently in movies nowadays ) . i think rock is a great comic yet he hasn't been able to bring his feral intelligence to movies , whenever he acts , and no matter the part , it's like he's doing the damn chris rock show . surprisingly ( at least considering her work in me , myself and irene ) renee zellweger gives a revelatory performance , building on her baby faced , apple pie looks . that wide-open face and helium voiced earnestness suggests a little girl not fully grown into her thirty-year-old body . it's the best work she's ever done . freeman is effective as always , though his performance nonetheless suffers because it seems at odds with where the movie wants to take it . the actor plays the role in his usual calm , collected manner , though the flick tries to insinuate a symbolic kinship between his character and betty's , suggesting that both are controlled by their fantasies rather than reality . that's interesting but the movie doesn't do anything with it other than crash land the sub-theme into a labored speech in the midst of a badly staged gun battle . the film has good moments ( many of the scenes involving a very good greg kinnear , especially his confrontation with zellweger ) , an almost soothing , lyrical score ( and you know a movie's in trouble when the score sticks out as one of the best things about it ) but nothing jells , it's parts , good or bad , are so disparate as to be opposing . the film might have worked had it settled on being one type of film , a mainstream , female forrest gump or an oddball art film , but as both if it falls as flat as diet coke . betty's screenplay makes the mistake of relying too much on concurrence , without which betty wouldn't make any progress in the film . nurse betty is a film driven by coincidence rather than charter , like how betty becomes a nurse in the film , a job that she takes in order to get closer to her imaginary lover ; she happens to be at the hospital at the exact moment that a drive by shooting takes place and miraculously knows how to take care of the victim's wound because she happened to see how on tv , which leads to her being offered a room with the victim's girlfriend who eventually gets betty into a party where she meets kinnear ? ? ? a little too tidy , don'tcha think . betty has an interesting theme , though it doesn't even seem aware of this . the current state of tv has been leaning towards reality television what with the enormous success of survivor and moderate success of big brother , with more on the way . this is a film about a women so deluded as to think that her favorite soap opera is reality ( ironically real-life survivor sean kennif has taken a part as a doctor on the soap opera guiding light ) . instead of exploring this timely matter in a way relating to the current tv craze ( since the film does largely appear to be a satire of television , albeit one that would feel more appropriate in the '80s than the '00s ) , the film simply uses betty's delusions as a plot device to get her from point a to b . no progress is made and little is unearthed except that maybe labute could use a bit of rest and a lot of contemplation .

when a pair of films from the same director gets released just three weeks apart , it could mean one of two things : that the recently overworked individual is due for a well-deserved rest , or that either of these movies has been sitting in a studio safe for a while and the timing is merely a coincidence . the latter's the case with john mctiernan and " the thirteenth warrior , " which finally hits theatres a year and counting after its original spring '98 opening - and fast on the heels of mctiernan's " the thomas crown affair " remake , a flick that got good reviews . you don't have to believe superstitions to wager a guess that " thirteenth " won't be so lucky . reportedly shelved following skirmishes between mctiernan and producer michael crichton , whose " eaters of the dead " novel provides " warrior " 's source ( and its initial title ) , this messy melange of culture-clash drama and brutal warfare feels empty and sluggish - sorta like " braveheart " without any of the passion . but the bloodshed certainly remains : there's enough carnage on display here to satisfy those in search of purely visceral thrills , though please note that the admittedly pungent battle sequences containing all this death and dismemberment alternate with talky passages interminable in their dullness . these circa-10th century clashes involve a roving band of cannibalistic creatures capable of decapitating opponents with their bare hands and a dozen norse soldiers out to stop them from terrorizing the viking countryside . the good guys are loud , crude , often unintelligible and - judging from their highly icky hygiene habits -- pretty smelly to boot , which makes them perfect foils for the dignified arab ambassador ( antonio banderas ) who tags along quite reluctantly . they're also so hard to tell apart that it hardly matters when a few of them meet violent demises . you'll wince , you'll groan , you'll grouse , " haven't we seen this guy killed twice before ? " banderas stands confused amidst the chaos , partaking mostly from a distance as savages in darth maul facepaint and draped in the latest animal-skin fashion run amok . he's not the hero - his soulful eyes and lean build don't exactly herald a champion of shwarzenegger proportions - and " the thirteenth warrior " wisely doesn't pretend he is , allowing his foreign and physically imposing co-stars to step into the spotlight when the going gets rough . let the characters interaction sans swords and shields , however , and there's still a struggle - for the audience to follow or even care about the story . it isn't the end until audiences have witnessed a half-baked romance , murky political intrigue , veteran actor omar sharif ( " funny girl " ) dropping by in a cameo role and a climactic " indiana jones and the temple of doom " -esque chase through the villains' underground lair . all this clutter receives stunning visual treatment courtesy of cinematographer peter menzies jr . , but the collaboration between " die hard " -helmer mctiernan and " jurrasic park " -creator crichton should have yielded more than sumptuous sights , graphic action and unintentionally telling moments . heard during " the thirteenth warrior " 's final scene : a dog whimpering . how appropriate .

a big surprise to me . the good trailer had hinted that they pulled the impossible off , but making a blues brothers movie without jake blues ( john belushi ) is such a dumb idea i really had no hope . they replaced him just fine . not with john goodman , he didn't do much of anything , but with the brilliant actor joe morton , who can really sing . the fourth blues brother is j evan bonifant , who's ten . this was another of my fears for the film , but he's a really good dancer , and plays a mean harmonica ( although he may have been dubbed ) . things that intellectually had bothered me before , like no mission from god , everyone being richer , it not being filmed in chicago -- gave me no problems at all . i'm quite pleased that there were less car pile-ups , because they meant less music , and john landis seems to have lost interest in the whole thing . there's a few early crashes , and then one huge pile-up , but after that it all stops . it's just the music . one of my problems with the first is that cab calloway's song is so good the actually blues brothers look dull after him , but there's no problems with this . the music is all as good as ever , tons of great musicians showing up -- with the exception of johnny lang , who can't sing , all the musicians do a great job . the only real problems i had was the special effects . these were superfluous and a waste of money . since the film isn't doing very well , they could mean we have no possibility of another sequel , which i want to see . the bluegrass version of riders in the sky is even better than rawhide . -- http : //www . geocities . com/hollywood/academy/8034/ remove no spam to reply . " drive carefully but recklessly " , mama , child's toy " the only excercise i take is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise . " peter o'toole

as i write the review for the new hanks/ryan romantic comedy you've got mail , i am acutely aware that i am typing it on a computer and sending it a billion miles away on the internet . i am also aware that i have just spent the last 2 hours watching the world's biggest paid commercial for america online . and i wonder : is that so bad ? well , the commercial part is . as for the movie , well , as long as i can watch tom hanks and meg ryan , i think i'll be okay . to paraphrase james berardinelli , whose reviews i admire very much , tom hanks and meg ryan can act . they are both wonderful , but for all of hanks' glorious work in serious films , such as his magnificent performance in saving private ryan , and his glorious triumph in philadelphia , i like him best when he's suitably obnoxious . tom hanks is wonderful when he is obnoxious in a romantic comedy when he's going to get the girl : the only question is how ? meg ryan , america's high school sweetheart , can act . she's had a handful of memorable performances , including the great scene in the diner in when harry met sally ( i must not mention what she does , due to the , well , um , you get the idea , and if you don't , get the movie-- fantastic ) . but , i like her best when she's , well , perky . she is so adorably perky/cute that together with hanks , they are the most amazing onscreen duo in my short lifetime . some people have them going back to really old classic romantic couples , but i don't really know . all i know is that i just like them both . they have such wonderfully kinetic chemistry that's really hard to resist , and i'm not going to even try . they're just really , really cute , sweet , and charming . hanks and ryan collaborate once again with nora ephron , who directed them in the megahit sleepless in seattle . here , the setup is a little different . kathleen kelly ( ryan ) owns a small children's bookstore which her mother founded 42 years ago and passed down to her . she is successful , beautiful , and dates a well-known columnist with very radical idea ( kinnear ) . she is also having an affair , of sorts . you see , kathleen , with the handle shopgirl , is secretly emailing ny152 . they have a strictly un-detailed relationship : there are no specifics , and they have no idea who each other is . ny152 happens to be joe fox ( hanks ) , a multimillionaire bookseller who is the heir to the fortune of the fox chain of mega-bookstores , run by his father ( coleman ) . fox books has decided to open a store on the west side , right across from a little children's bookseller named " shop around the corner " , run by a perky girl named kathleen kelly . every morning , these two email each other silly , and every day , they fight " to the death ! ! " . it's a charming premise , and one that works nicely , balancing the immense troubles kathleen is in with the romance she wants to have . it also has the great sense of being a classic romance : there is no " let's have sex tonight " mantra , if you'll excuse my bluntness . this is a solid romance built around that vague concept of love . hmm . well , the movie goes through twists and turns , having some sad moments and happy ones , until at one moment tom hanks and meg ryan " hook up " , to use modern terminology , and kiss their way into happiness . you know it's going to happen , the question is now ? thankfully , ephron has a wonderful supporting cast with posey , kinnear , chappelle , and a host of others , including a great scene involving brothers , aunts , and two sweet kids . it's all cute and wonderful , and for all of the idealism , it makes me feel good . hanks is as obnoxious as ever on the outside and as warm on the inside as he always is . he is , i believe , america's greatest actor . does he show it here ? nah . but he's still tom hanks , and she's still meg ryan . which is what this movie boils down to . it's pure confection . all the bits about the godfather , the jokes , the superb script , it's all really sweet . there are some immense flaws , like pacing . the last third of the movie really doesn't work as well as i would have liked , and for a romantic comedy , it's slow . once hanks knows the secret , it gets really slow . i even looked at my watch a couple times , to make sure ephron was going to deliver the big onscreen kiss i was waiting for , so that i could get home at a reasonable hour . the other problem is that this movie is shaping up to be really dated . e-mail ? when my kids are my age , i don't know what we'll be using . but hanks can do more with one eyeroll than anybody , and meg ryan just loves to dive into a pillow better than anyone in movie history . they just work together , and it's nice to see . it gives you , well , a smile . the script helps with some great lines that are absolutely hilarious , and that always come at the exact right time to keep the audience awake . i was arguing with my father on the drive back home on what the purpose of movies was . i've always believed that movies are very powerful , very powerful indeed . you see , mankind has three abilities he needs to survive : the ability to think , entertain , and procreate . movies can definitely do the first two , and as for the third , well , i'd rather not think about that . i always thought films that made you think enlightened you and made you see something from another viewpoint , and that films that entertained you were good , because you forgot about your troubles and thought about something nice for a night . and i was thinking about how incredible a year tom hanks has had . hanks was the driving force behind one of the year's best films in saving private ryan , which is one of those thinking films that truly made someone wonder about the world . he's also half of the glue behind the year's best example of pure entertainment . tom hanks and meg ryan are magical , as is this movie . it's a sweet , lovely affair with a technology twist . it may be a long commercial , but it gave me a pretty big smile on my face .

people who enjoy science fiction are often faced with unpleasant surprises due to the improper labelling of novels , stories , comic books or movies . often science fiction aficionados find material , previously labelled as science fiction , to be pure fantasy or supernatural horror , or rather simple techno-thriller . in such cases , mistakes are understandable - genre boundaries are never clearly marked . but , i believe there are really few cases when a movie labelled as science fiction actually happens to be straight historical epic . such thing occurred in former yugoslavia some fifteen years ago , when national distributors gave such treatment to the right stuff , 1983 film directed by philip kaufman . the mistake of the distributors could be explained with the fact that the official poster of the film features men in space suits . but the right stuff film isn't even fiction . it was based on the non-fiction book by tom wolfe , covering the early years of american space program . the plot of the film begins in 1947 when few people heard of edwards air force base , major test site for experimental planes . the major aim of test flights is to determine ability of manned aircraft to reach 1 mach speed and thus break the sound barrier . many pilots tried to achieve that goal and many paid with their lives for such bravado . but one quiet pilot , chuck eager ( played by sam shaped ) succeeds and thus gives example for whole new generation of test pilots , determined to enter history books by breaking new speed records . ten years later , soviets have launched " sputnik " marking the beginning of the space age . in order to regain national prestige , us government decides to be the first to send man into space . best air force , navy and marine pilots are recruited into program , but not yeager , because he lacks college education and desired all-american image . in one of critics' polls the right stuff was named as one among top 10 films made in 1980s . such high position could be explained with the fact that kaufman's film looks quite atypical for its time . with more than three hours of length and epic scope it looked more suitable for 1950s and 1960s - age when hollywood used to make films larger than life . but the real reason lies in the fact that it was made by truly remarkable and talented filmmaker . philip kaufman created reputation in 1970s by using all the opportunities of that golden age in order to create original , memorable movies . the right stuff was the last of them , swan song of an era when producers allowed directors to spend big bucks on unusual , risk-taking " artsy " projects . the right stuff is unusual because it lacks many standard elements of hollywood film . the plot is almost non-existent and not very coherent ; the story , featuring many interesting incidents and anecdotes , shifts focus from the old generation of test pilots , embodied in yeager , to new generation of the astronauts . the film also lacks conventional protagonist - yeager ( who also appears in small cameo ) remains the true hero of the film , but equal time and exposure is also given to other astronauts and their wives , making this movie into ensemble piece . that gave opportunity for kaufman to use multitude of great acting talents , until that specialised only for bit or character roles . sam shepard is great as yeager , war hero whose greatest achievement - breech of the sound barrier - remained obscured in history books , probably due to his own modesty . on the surface , he lacks personality compared with his hyped and more fortunate astronaut colleagues , but shepard gives texture to this character with subtle gestures and phrases . shepard's performance is followed with great acting by ed harris as clean-cut marine ( and future politician ) john glenn . young dennis quaid is more than fine as arrogant fighter jock gordo cooper , and this arrogance is mirrored in his friend and most tragic figure of virgil grissom , superbly played by fred ward . always reliable character actor scott glenn provides some comic relief as navy aviator and ( arguably ) first american man in space alan shepard . kaufman left room for female talents to excel too - barbara hershey , pamela reed , veronica cartwright and mary jo deschanel are great as pilots' wives . royal dano is also impressive as menacing figure of preacher , but the most memorable performances belong to donald moffat as vice-president lyndon b . johnson and jane dornacker as nurse murch . great acting talent assembled for this film was mirrored with kaufman's superb direction . most notable of all is the methods kaufman uses in order to suggest the passage of time . the beginning of the film shows test pilots living in the middle of desert , as virtual unknowns , far away from strict rules and discipline . everything seems natural -yeager can indulge himself in horse riding just few yards away from the fastest and most precious aircraft in the world . in that setting , it's quite normal for important technical problems to be solved with simple chainsaw and for the test pilots not to report their ribs being broken before most important flights . but the times are changing ; ww2 alliance with ussr is replaced with cold war , and " natural " pilots like yeager must be replaced with more disciplined , conventional pilots . their entire lives become focus of media frenzy , and their job is subjected to strict rules , meticulous plans and they must fight the bureaucrats , publicity-seeking politicians and uncaring scientists ( like former nazi rocket expert werner von braun , played by scott beach ) only to preserve their most basic human dignity . this contrast is underlined with the beautifully edited sequence - while yeager conducts his final and most spectacular test flight in absolute obscurity , " mercury " astronauts receive fame and fortune , although some of them even before going in the space . those contrasts and similar effects are achieved with kaufman's superb use of poetic movie language . editing is great , and photography by caleb deschanel provides many memorable scenes like the funeral in the desert or astronauts in their suits walking in slow motion ( the same image would be copied in many latter films ) . although kaufman enjoyed support of nasa and american military , which provided authentic locations and period equipment , he still had to use special effects in order to simulate space flights . those effects are excellent and they can still fool the audience accustomed to cgi and real footage of earth from outer space . another fine contribution of this film is " oscar " -awarded musical score by bill conti ; i still tremble from excitement every time i hear it . it is accompanied with the use of holst and debussy . some of the songs used in the background also provide authentic atmosphere of the historical period . this film is great , and its cult status is well deserved , but there are some minor flaws . some of the " mercury " astronauts aren't fleshed out enough ( although being played by fine actors , like lance henriksen ) . film also lacks proper closure . on the other hand , most logical conclusion of the film - landing on the moon - would require this film to be more than six hours long . also , some critics were prone to attack this film as too amerocentric and hard on russians , who were portrayed as evil monsters , just in line with most virulent cold war rhetoric of reagan's america . in some of contemporary interviews , kaufman defended that approach by claiming that he wanted to make film as authentic as possible , and in order to do that , he portrayed russians not as they were in real life , but as they were perceived by americans in early 1960s . time has passed ; now we don't see astronauts as heroes . in this age of widespread satellite communications and routine space missions , those men and women in space suits are seen as mere maintenance workers . few young boys want to be astronauts when they grow up . but this film , sentimental reminder of the times " when future began " , perhaps could encourage at least some of them to follow " mercury " astronauts' footsteps seek new frontiers in the sky . and even if they decide to stay on earth , they could still appreciate the right stuff as an extraordinary piece of cinema .

deceiver is a plot twist in search of a movie . this overly constructed film succeeds in having many surprises , and , being true to its title , being deceptive . but there is little in the film that is worthy of deceit . braxton ( chris penn ) and kennesaw ( michael rooker ) are two cops investigating the brutal murder of a prostitute ( renee zellweger ) . their lone suspect is wayland ( tim roth ) , a wealthy young man whose phone number was found in the hooker's pocket . however , a routine lie detector test turns against the investigators , as the crafty wayland somehow turns the tables . braxton and kennesaw are forced to confront their own troubled lives . braxton is a gambling addict in deep to mook ( ellen burstyn ) , a local bookie . kennesaw is bitter about his marriage to a socialite ( rosanna arquette ) , believing his wife to be unfaithful . the plot is twisty and complex , with lots of lengthy flashbacks , and plenty of surprises . however , there are times when it is needlessly complex , and at least one instance the storytelling turns so muddled that the answers to important plot points actually get lost . take a look at l . a . confidential , or the film's more likely inspiration , the usual suspects for how a complex plot can properly be handled . the dialogue in deceiver is as overcrafted as the plot . for example , the film tells a few substories ( such as the tale of a woeful absinthe bender , or an alternative telling of how van gogh lost his ear ) , but they are so flat and so plastic that they come off as prefabricated and unbelievable . there's never the sense that these are real characters engaging in conversation . they appear to be nothing more than words on a screenplay . the characters , themselves , are rather pathetic and despicable . not one of them is an ounce sympathetic , and as a result , the labyrinthine plot is all for naught . what does it matter who is guilty of what and why ? writer-directors josh and jonas pate seem to desire to emulate the coen brothers' masterwork blood simple , or the wachowski brothers' less worthy bound . but , while they have got the plot twists down cold , they need to work on characterization and dialogue .

the opening crawl tells us that the galaxy is in turmoil over the taxation of trade routes , and the greedy trade federation has used it's armada of powerful space battleships to blockade the planet naboo . we soon find that the federation plans to invade the planet with an enormous army of warrior robots and force naboo's ruler , the young queen amidala ( natalie portman ) to sign a treaty giving the federation control . however , the galactic republic has sent jedi knights qui-gon jinn ( liam neeson ) and obi-wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor ) as emissaries to the federation in order to negotiate for the ending of the blockade . no sooner do they arrive than the federation leaders are instructed via holographic transmission by a mysterious cloaked figure to destroy the jedi , and the first battle begins . it seems that for me and thousands of people like me , the love for george lucas's trilogy of star wars movies has only grown over time . we're the fans , not the freaks . we won't go dressing up like darth vader ( although you have to admit those imperial uniforms are pretty darn cool ) , and we won't incorporate lines from the script in our everyday conversations ( not all the time , anyway ) , but if someone wants to challenge us to a little trivia contest , we're throwing down . all right , stop looking at me like that . we have been faithfully and patiently waiting . waiting for this movie ever since the end credits of return of the jedi started to roll . you see , the trilogy is not just a set of movies , but a religion of sorts to we , the faithful disciples , and the phantom menace is tantamount to the second coming of the messiah . unfortunately , it is not our savior . for weeks beforehand , i was going around telling people that this movie had better be damned good - stupendously good - miraculously good . anything less and it'll be the biggest disappointment of the century . i didn't want the doomsaying prophecy to come true , really i didn't , but this film nevertheless fails to reach the pinnacles of filmmaking . character development is virtually nonexistent . with the possible exception of qui-gon , most of the film's characters seem left with nothing to do but go through the motions . none seem very affected by their experiences , and few even show any passion at all . contrast this with the horribly irritating comic relief we are nearly continuously subjected to in the form of jar jar binks , a creature belonging to a race which lives in underwater cities on naboo , in precarious symbiosis with the land dwellers led by amidala . jar jar's life is saved by qui-gon early in the film , and travels with our heroes for the sole reason of making us laugh ( or supposedly so ) . his speech mannerisms are so " cute-ified " that i couldn't understand a third of what he was saying , and the slapstick he performed was just distracting . his head gets caught in an electronic field , his foot gets caught in the stirrup of some large beast , he describes being in trouble as " deep doo doo , " and even manages to step in some of the same while walking around in mos eisley spaceport . therein lies a key difference between this film and one of its predecessors . in star wars , we had obi-wan telling us mos eisley was a " wretched hive of scum and villainy . " in the phantom menace , we get doo doo . the films of the trilogy took me away from my everyday life and immersed me in a story " a long time ago in a galaxy far , far away . . . . " this film , on the other hand , constantly reminds me that it's only a movie by including situations and phrases that are so uniquely modern american that they seem incredibly out of place and serve to jerk the viewer from the experience . perhaps the most blatant offense occurs during a scene where young anakin skywalker enters into a pod racing competition ( it's kind of like chariot racing with large engines instead of horses ) , and there are a couple of commentators in a press box delivering indy 500-like play by play . i liked the pod race ; it was really exciting and ratcheted the tension , but when the heck did lucas think up the idea of putting in the sportscasters ? the race would have been even more exciting without the distraction . this aspect , coupled with the emphasis on humor simply baffled me . i suppose one may say that lucas was trying to appeal to the younger viewer , but would more intelligent scenes and dialog hurt this appeal at all ? didn't millions of youngsters still go back to see the original star wars in 1977 over and over again ? didn't the action figures still sell like hotcakes ? of course they did , and it's only poor judgment that allows the most-eagerly awaited film in history to be marred by pandering to children who would still have enjoyed a film with more appeal for adults . one aspect that will appeal broadly , however , is the use of special effects . the people at lucas's industrial light and magic , the world's premiere effects house , outdid themselves in providing seamless integration of computer-generated images and real-life footage . some of the scenes have to be seen to be believed , especially the shots of a land battle between the federation's robot army and jar jar's countrymen . the space battles are also impressive , although improved over past efforts by only subtle margins to the casual observer . this , however , is a testament to the work which ilm produced two decades ago and still holds up well today . john williams is back , of course , providing a score for the film as only he can . his music is pervasive throughout , as rousing and as dramatic as ever , always serving to punctuate scenes noticeably and appropriately . since this film is supposed to be the first installment in a nine-episode story ( star wars , the empire strikes back and return of the jedi being episodes four , five and six , respectively ) , the phantom menace has the daunting task of setting up the origins of several characters we know already , in addition to those with whom we unfamiliar . as a result , attention to history and characterization was spread a little thin . it would have been nice to get more in depth with yoda and obi-wan , for example , but given the fact that there were several new characters to cover , it is understandable that some of the development has been left for the next two films . one of the new characters is darth maul , hailed as the new villain with as much hype as marketing forces could muster prior to this film's release . in spite of the hype , darth maul is a character which almost didn't have to be in the film , his role is so insignificant . he has maybe three spoken lines ( believe it or not , a second actor voices the character ) and the rest of the time just scowls and looks mean . with that working against him , he never has a chance at being interesting and instead ends up an utter disappointment . lucas seems to have wanted to develop the spiritual nature of the star wars universe , something which has been prominent throughout . however , he does so largely by paralleling the star wars spirituality with the bible , offering an easy out for story-writing and once again bringing the viewer back to planet earth with a real-life connection . oddly , while trying to capitalize on spirituality , lucas at the same time introduces the fact that mastery of the force is dependent upon having little force-loving parasites in your body's cells . this only serves to de-mystify the workings of the force a few notches by offering a scientific connection . don't let me mislead you too far . the phantom menace , by most standards , is a good film . it contains a lot of visual treats , sets the stage for an epic story , gives us a bit of excitement here and there , and even allows us to revisit some of our old friends . it's just that when held up to it's predecessors ( and to not do so would be unrealistic ) , this film simply pales .

lauded as a genius by many , stanley kubrick commands a superlative filmography that includes such critically-acclaimed films as " 2001 : a space odyssey , " " a clockwork orange , " " lolita , " and " dr . strangelove , or : how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb . " now , sadly , he's added " eyes wide shut " to that impeccable body of work and his final film is the first and only blot on his near-flawless copybook . kubrick , alas , should have quit while he was ahead . this much-publicized psycho-sexual tease-a-thon , with its star billing of real-life marrieds tom cruise and nicole kidman , is nothing more than one long ( two-and-a-half hours long ) boring exercise that features kubrick operating with talent wide shut . kubrick , faithless to arthur schnitzler's 1926 novella " dream story , " has confused eroticism with nudity . he has confused intellectualism with talking slowly . he has confused profundity with pretentiousness . in addition , the director has made some strange casting choices , leaving sydney pollack in and leaving accomplished performers harvey keitel and jennifer jason leigh out . pollack , the director of such box-office hits as " tootsie " and " out of africa , " is normally solid in his occasional acting stints but here he's miserably out of his depth . . . and there isn't much depth to begin with ! unhappily , there's not likely to be a director's cut of this film to determine whether the decision to exorcise keitel and leigh was the right one . in fact , with the exception of the stark black-and-white credits , snatches of baroque music on the soundtrack , and many , many grainy tracking shots down lavishly-decorated corridors , there's none of kubrick's trademark brilliance in this film . it doesn't help that the story , as delivered , is ridiculous . cruise and kidman , who bring little more than marital torpor to the project , play well-to-do new yorkers bill and alice harford . he's a doctor and she's an unemployed art gallery director and they share a central park west address . at an opulent party hosted by their friend victor ziegler ( pollack ) , alice gets a little tipsy and starts dancing with a jeremy irons-like hungarian , who's singularly determined to get her in the sack . bill , too , is seen arm-in-arm with a couple of models before he's pulled away to deal with an overdoser . back home , bill and alice smoke a little pot before alice's aggressive jealousy kicks in . as retribution , she confesses to her husband that she once had deep feelings for a naval officer she eyeballed at a hotel where she and bill once stayed . this hurtful admission sends bill into a tailspin ; he pounds the streets of the village in his heavy black overcoat struggling with black-and-white images of alice in the grip of a horny midshipman . it's all way too much for him . for revenge , bill almost has sex with a hooker . he almost has feelings for a underage girl he sees in a costume store . then he almost does the hooker's roommate . and he's almost involved in an overblown rococo orgy when an old college chum of his tips him off to a mysterious , password-protected party where everyone wears masks and " the women are incredible " ( i . e . , naked ) . this " erotic " set piece , a cult-ish bacchanal complete with chanting , incense , and lots of strategically-placed partygoers covering up the dirty , might impress the likes of hugh hefner , but it's a lot less shocking than it's intended to be . what's the big deal ? bill doesn't exactly * do * anything ( other than throw his money and credentials around ) , and alice only ever lusted in her heart . whoop-dee-doo . still , they make up at the same agonizingly slow pace--was kubrick , notorious for multiple takes , paying them at an hourly rate ? even geniuses have their bad days . " eyes wide shut " just happens to be kubrick's bad day , an unerotic , disappointing , and altogether pointless end to an otherwise memorable career .

plot : a little boy born in east germany ( named hansel ) loves the american music . one day , he gets the opportunity to meet and marry an american g . i . , but first , he must get a sex change ( enter hedwig ) . once married , the two move to the states , but quickly thereafter , get a divorce . at that point , hedwig starts writing music and meets another confused boy , who soon turns into a star . that boy also turns his back on hedwig , and it isn't long before hedwig puts together his/her own band and tours the states via seafood restaurants . this is the story of his/her life , told via flashbacks and musical numbers . critique : an artsy-fartsy musical with great songs and a superb performance by john cameron mitchell , doesn't really come together as a whole , with over-the-top symbolism , incoherence and too much pretension to retain my interest all the whole way through . in fact , this isn't so much of a realistic , articulate , behind-the-scenes look at the rise of a rock 'n roll star , as it is an ambiguous , overly poetic and incomprehensible struggle of a man , his sexuality and his identity as a whole person on this planet . i guess that i was expecting the former going in . the film is somewhat interesting to a point , but i was personally never able to involve myself too much , as the basic symbolic and incongruent nature of the film left me feeling cold and distant . but it is definitely tuned to a certain type of audience . chances are that if you are a fan of the wall , the rocky horror picture show or even priscilla , queen of the desert , the elements tangled in this movie will likely strike your fancy ( some of the characters in this film even ask the audience to sing along at some point , and provide the lyrics of their song , on-screen ) . well , i personally don't care for those films , and didn't really get into the whole " show " atmosphere of this movie either . i guess i might've looked at it all too literally , but like i said earlier , i just didn't care enough about the characters to delve into the " so the butterfly represents his freedom ? " side of things . all i know is that the film left me with many questions unanswered and didn't make me feel any more fulfilled . what was hedwig's relationship with that other member of his band ( with the beard ) ? what happened with hedwig and tommy gnosis at the end of the movie ? ( was that an actual sequence or a fantasy ? ) what ever happened to the lawsuit ? and more . . . all of which were part of the film and interested me somewhat . if the only idea behind the film was for the main character to uncover his/her sexuality , then that's one thing , but as many of the relationships and situations presented themselves in this movie , i wanted some resolution to those pieces as well . i didn't get it . the film's humor also didn't tickle my funny bone either . then again , i've seen many a film in these art-house theatres in which patrons are rolling down the aisles with laughter , while all i see is a tiny bit of whimsy on the screen . some of these films are also better enjoyed with the added " atmosphere " of a plant called marijuana , and i can certainly see how this movie ingrains within itself some nifty visual elements , in order to jazz up that experience . but being sober as i was and expecting a coherent , funny , musical with a transsexual twist , i didn't leave the theater very satisfied . i came out having watched an existential story of a confused man caught up in a musical lifestyle , wrapped in metaphors , dramatics and more questions than answers . i will , on the other hand , definitely hand some props out to the lead in this film , john cameron mitchell , who is also the man who wrote , directed and created the play on which this movie is based , and the tunes , which will likely be enjoyed by anyone who digs the sex pistols , david bowie and the whole 70s glam-rock scene . note : btw , it seems as though pretty much every single " mainstream " critic in the united states loved this movie from top to bottom ( and thought that it was really funny to boot ! ) , so you might want to take that into consideration yourself . but having said that , the main reason that i started this dinky website in the first place was because films like this would sometimes be uniformly applauded by the " official " critics , while i , a regular " joblo " in the audience , just wouldn't get what all the fuss was about . this movie is a perfect example of why i continue to write movie reviews . where's joblo coming from ? moulin rouge ( 8/10 ) - grease ( 8/10 ) - everyone says i love you ( 5/10 ) - the opposite of sex ( 8/10 ) - dancer in the dark ( 5/10 ) - o brother , where art thou ( 7/10 ) - love's labour's lost ( 8/10 )

there's a scene early on in " jawbreaker " where a character utters the unintentionally prophetic line , " that is * so * not funny " . how right she was . this pathetic tale of three high-schoolers who accidentally kill their best friend in a birthday kidnapping prank gone horribly awry is never even remotely funny . or fun . or original . not content with the too-obvious " heathers " heisting , the filmmakers proceed to lift freely from a staggering variety of sources , including " carrie " , " bride of frankenstein " , " blue velvet " , and even shaw's pygmalion , itself recently remade as " she's all that " . " jawbreaker " is a pastiche , and not even an enjoyable one . i find it extremely telling that the most engaging part of the film is the credit sequence , a jawbreaker factory montage inexplicably backed by veruca salt's " volcano girls " ; serving as a blueprint for the rest of the film , the song has absolutely nothing to do with the footage we're watching . just close your eyes and pretend you're listening to an alt-rock station ; you won't be missing anything . the blame for a mess this big has to be spread around among the principals . rebecca gayheart , following roles in " scream 2 " and " urban legend " , should have known better than to take yet another role in yet another teen body count movie . pam grier has totally wasted any credibility she might have gotten from her role in quentin tarantino's " jackie brown " . and rose mcgowan should just quit acting . she has no charisma , no presence , and no acting skills other than rolling her eyes and looking disaffected . mcgowan manages to be upstaged by her real-life boyfriend , rocker marilyn manson , whose fifteen second role here is far more interesting than anything any of the " real " actors are doing . manson , sans trademark makeup & contact lenses , and with an obviously fake moustache , looks eerily like nicholas cage ; who woulda thunk it ? that crack about direction by committee wasn't merely a pithy sound-bite . stylistically , thematically & narratively , " jawbreaker " is all over the map , varying wildly in tone & content from scene to scene . though credited solely to writer/director darren stein , one gets the feeling that no two scenes here were actually guided by the same hands . if stein was indeed responsible for the whole of this atrocity , someone needs to get the man some drugs , pronto . prozac , lithium , kava , ritalin , something , anything . he's quite obviously in desperate need of chemical help . " jawbreaker " is a monumental waste of effort and resources , and quite likely one of the single worst films i've ever seen . to call " jawbreaker " garbage would be to insult garbage . bad flicks for the rest of the year are safe ; i've already got my pick for worst film of '99 . " jawbreaker " runs approximately 90 minutes , though it feels longer than " titanic " , and is rated r for language , sexual situations and graphic violence . not recommended for kids , teens , or anyone else .

a cop with a troubled personal life . a ruthless villain . a friend of the cop . a _dead_ friend of the cop . a quest for vengeance . a new partner . a romantic interest . a chase scene . a chase scene _in san francisco_ . a woman in peril . a confrontation . an explosion . the end . yawn . yawn . yawn . the preceding has been the plot of approximately twelve thousand and six action films ; this one just happens to be called metro . i have learned to expect little from films like metro , and consequently i am bored by them more often than i am genuinely disappointed . with eddie murphy on board , however , you hope for something extra , some kind of spark . when a film makes watching eddie murphy a tedious experience , you know it is doing something terribly wrong . murphy stars as scott roper , a hostage negotiator for the san francisco police department who is exceedingly good at his job . with his personal life , he is considerably less successful , facing an unhappy ex-girlfriend named veronica ( carmen ejogo ) , a gambling problem and a mountain of debt . then his professional life gets a jolt as well when a friend and colleague ( art evans ) is murdered while investigating suspected jewel thief michael korda ( michael wincott ) . finding korda becomes very personal to scott , and he joins with new partner kevin mccall ( michael rappaport ) to foil korda during an attempted heist . but all is not well even with korda in jail , as scott , veronica and kevin all continue to face life-threatening danger . metro ( the title , in case you are wondering , means absolutely nothing ) is so badly put together that even the most casual viewer may notice the miserable pacing and stray plot threads . in the first place , korda's rage over being discovered before he can make his big score is rendered completely pointless when he proceeds to hit the target anyway ( and , incidentally , to screw it up ) . a reference to payoffs in the police department , followed by a conspicuous decision to keep scott off the korda case and a couple of pointed glances , is dropped abruptly with no resolution after about forty-five minutes ; even the relationship between scott and new partner kevin is so perfunctory , with kevin disappearing entirely after taking a bullet for scott , that you may yearn for bickering buddies . worst of all is a plot structure which places the main villain ( the always menacing michael wincott ) behind bars for far too long , leaving a lot of time to kill with the tedious reconciliation of scott and veronica . you can't blame murphy for being unable to muster any enthusiasm for the scenes with his bland leading lady , but he should have known better than to take this role at all . scott roper exists in an uncomfortable middle ground between the kind of street-wise fast-talker murphy has built a career on and an actual three-dimensional character , and murphy is never able to reconcile the two . the script seems to have been doctored for him , with a gambling problem turned into a bit of character color and his supposed inability to form relationships turned into a cause for gags rather than actual conflict , yet there is still too little comedy for murphy to work with . for much of the film , he walks around with an intense frown , and it is over 90 minutes into metro before you hear that trademark laugh for the first time . murphy is stranded with too few solid punch lines , and nearly all of the ones he does have bounce of ejogo and fall to the ground limply . i suppose i should give director thomas carter credit for taking the obligatory san francisco car chase ( how much do you want to bet on the likelihood of seeing a car soar over a hill ? ) and doing a few interesting things with it . as vehicles are sent flying and passengers sent sprawling by a runaway cable car , it is possible at least for a moment to take some pleasure in a goofy spin on a familiar situation . carter does an even better job by taking that old suspense stand-by -- the medicine cabinet mirror which will close to reveal a killer standing behind someone -- and using it to defuse tension not once , but _twice_ . the fact that carter was able to demonstrate even that much recognition of cliches , and a willingness to subvert them , makes his involvement in the rest of the disaster that is metro all the more puzzling . an action film like this plods so relentlessly and obviously from point a to point b to point c that you might find yourself shouting out " point c ! " while they're still getting to point b , or getting up with the rest of the audience after the big explosion which signals that nothing else of any consequence is going to happen .

originally launched in 1978 , this popular film was re-introduced in 1998 to a whole new generation of moviegoers . based on the mighty successful musical from broadway , grease was followed in 1980 with the less stellar grease 2 ( 6 . 5/10 ) , starring a young michelle pheiffer in one of her first feature film roles . plot : high-school musical set in the 1950's showcasing the relationship between the cool danny zuko of the t-birds ( travolta ) and the innocent and pure sandy olsen ( newton-john ) from australia . the film follows the couple and their vivacious friends during their last year at rydell high through song , dance and humour . critique : fun-loving , energetic and innocent look back at times much simpler . this movie effectively juggles a thin romantic story line and the overall experience of the 1950's , with a superb soundtrack and some great dance numbers . admittedly , i am somewhat biased in this opinion , since this film blasts me into my past as a rebellious youth ( grease was one of schmoe's first big-screen experiences , and every other scene sends me reeling into the times of my elaborate grease bubble-gum card collection ) , and the lesser responsibilities that i possessed at that time . but apart from the nostalgic vibe , i was still extremely impressed by this film , as it continued to amuse me , despite my previous dozen or so viewings . this film took john travolta from a dim-witted " sweathog " on tv's welcome back kotter , and transformed him into a movie-star of spectacular proportions ( saturday night fever ( 7 . 5/10 ) in 1979 confirmed that sudden popularity ) . unfortunately for the rest of the cast , his popularity was not terribly contagious , despite their effective showings in this classic movie . on the down side , some of the absolute innocence in this film might bore or turn people off ( like when sandy sings about " drinking lemonade " and " staying out until 10 " with danny in " summer nights " ) , and the plot isn't exactly the most elaborate story-line ever created , but despite these small reservations , this movie carries enough great music and high energy to keep anyone amused through its rapid 110 minute running time ( and believe me . . . i am not a fan of the musicals ! ! ) . make sure to look for a young lorenzo lamas in the static role of the brainless football player , as well as the national bandstand dance contest as one of the film's absolute highlights . and don't forget to buy the popular soundtrack afterwards , so that you could listen to its peppy tunes whenever you're feeling a little blue . little known facts : henry winkler , of tv's happy days' fonzie fame , turned down the part of danny zuko because he did not want to be typecast for the rest of his career . both travolta and conaway were smitten by newton-john during the filming of this picture . conaway eventually bowed out of the woo-fest , and married newton-john's sister a year later ( divorced after five years ) .

at the outset of swordfish , john travolta's gabriel shear is pontificating about the status of american cinema today . basically , he says , it boils down to a lack of imagination among the majority of writers . how ironic , as travolta seems to be describing his latest venture . swordfish is loud , violent and amoral . it has the audacity to justify murder and mayhem in the name of sustaining our way of life . and how does travolta's gabriel plan to do this ? by robbing billions from his own government and using the funds to out-terrorize terrorists . swordfish is a very cynical movie . it relies on an audience's perception of our leaders as ineffectual and duplicitous and on terrorists as non-human , faceless entities not worthy of compassion or consideration . the movie's plot is preposterous with enough illogical leaps that if the film ever slowed down , you'd actually see how ridiculous it all is . this is a live-action road runner cartoon , moving so quickly that it's over before you can catch your breath to ask any reasonable questions . the storyline revolves around super hacker stanley jobson ( hugh jackman ) , recruited by gabriel to crack the government's computer codes so gabriel can gather billions for his anti-terrorist campaign . talk about whacked-out patriotism . my objections to swordfish are many . the body count is high , but that is expected in a movie of this sort . it's becoming a bore watching anonymous soldiers , police officers and government agents blown to bits . another example is the family dynamics between stanley , his 10-year-old daughter and his ex-wife . stanley , though having served time in prison for hacking , is shown as a loving and caring father , forbidden by his ex to see his little girl . audience animosity is immediately created for his former spouse by showing her as a drinker and smoker who also sometimes stars in her new husband's adult films . thus when she is found murdered late in the movie , neither stanley nor his daughter are allowed any time to grieve . in fact , subconsciously , many in the audience are probably glad she was killed . then there is the sequence involving one of gabriel's henchman holding a gun to the head of stanley's daughter to coerce the hacker to download the key computer program for gabriel . children as pawns have become a most unwelcome clich ? in recent films . there is enough violence in the real world involving children without having to make them on-screen victims as well . yea , it's only make believe , but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate it . travolta is cool , deadly charming and flamboyant as the near-crazy gabriel . his character is reminiscent of his villainous characterizations in broken arrow and face/off . jackman looks dour through most of the proceedings . his only moment of any depth comes when he finally is able to create the worm to get inside the government database . his sense of joy and accomplishment is one any computer whiz can appreciate . halle berry is decorative and lovely as gabriel's assistant , while don cheadle is given little to do as the head fbi agent hunting gabriel . swordfish plays like a comic book with a larger-than-life character in gabriel . viewers align themselves with him despite their uncertainty if he is hero or villain . and maybe that is the movie's underlying flaw : there is no real hero to speak of , only those doing their upmost to survive . and that is not enough . this is one swordfish that should have been thrown back in the water .

the heist of a flawless , 84 carat diamond , fixed bare knuckle fights , irish gypsies and a dog are just some of the goings on in director guy ritchies's sophomore feature , " snatch . " " lock , stock and two smoking barrels " intro'd helmer/scripter ritchie with a hyper-kinetic , in your face underworld comedy that grabbed the viewer's attention from beginning to end . his protagonists were innocents set adrift in a see of sharks to swim or be eaten alive . with " snatch , " the director doesn't remake his first work , but he does delve more deeply into the criminal underbelly of london , mining a rich collection of characters in the process . >from the very beginning , " snatch " tosses you into the action with the theft of the fabulous diamond , the desire of new york gangster avi ( dennis farina ) . en route from antwerp , diamond thief and courier frankie four fingers ( benicio del toro ) stops in london to make a separate deal with avi's partner and cousin , doug " the head " ( mike reid ) . frankie's addiction to gambling tempts him into making a bet on an illegal boxing match for boris " the blade " ( rade sherbedgia ) , a ruthless russian mobster . the bet turns out to be a setup for a robbery by a trio of bumbling incompetents - vinnie ( robbie gee ) , sol ( lennie james ) and portly tyrone ( ade ) - that goes miserably awry . meanwhile , a couple of young toughs , turkish ( jason stratham ) and tommy ( stephen graham ) , are trying to break in to the boxing game with the help of local villain brick top ( alan ford ) , who also owns a pig farm . when their first fighter is put out of action , with one punch , by a wild irish gypsy named mickey o'neil , they figure to put the loose canon in as the contender in a fixed fight . mickey proves less than reliable and goes against turkish and tommy's deal . brick top , impressed by mickey's performance , decides to gives them another chance - after calmly explaining that it takes 16 pigs about eight minutes to completely devour a corpse . when avi doesn't get his precious rock , he jumps on a plane for london and hires a local legend , " bullet tooth " tony ( vinnie jones ) , to find frankie and the diamond . things spiral out of control as all these forces head on a collision course of double-cross and double-deals - and a dog that ate a squeaky toy . guy ritchie ( mr . madonna to some ) is an extraordinarily talented auteur who has a wonderful knack for pulling together his unique collection of cast and crew and feeding them funny and gritty dialog that spews out of the characters' mouths like machine gun fire . the helmer marshals his large ensemble actors in a frantically paced caper comedy that makes you laugh and feel queasy at the same time , the above description by brick top being just one example . the assemblage of actors and non-actors in rough-and-tumble settings gives " snatch " an earthy feel in its depiction of london's criminal underworld . the cast of characters is too large to credit here , but two of the performances - first among equals , you might say - are worth noting . alan ford is brilliant as the ruthless , evil brick top . when he refuses sugar in his tea because " i'm sweet enough , " it makes you shiver , even as you laugh . his is one of the best gangster characters i've seen in years . the other outstanding perf is given by none other than brad pitt , the name actor the movie's popularity may hang upon , at least initially . pitt , as mickey o'neil , is hard drinking , hard fighting , highly unreliable and nearly incomprehensible with a unique irish brogue and dialect of the pikers , the irish travelers of europe . this gypsy brigand would steal the fillings from your teeth , especially if it would benefit his beloved mum ( sorcha cusack ) . when brick top threaten the safety of mickey's family , he makes an enemy that cannot be stopped . pitt puts a credible spin on his character and does some incredible physical stuff , too , as a bare-knuckle boxer . the production team behind the camera includes ritchie alumni , producer matthew vaughn and lenser tim maurice-jones , and other talented technical artist that bring the hyperactive imagination of the author to visual life . there is a patent feel to the look of " snatch " and " lock , stock and two smoking barrels " that reeks of " signature " for ritchie , but i'm not sure how this will translate in his future works . there is so much talent in the filmmaker that i would like to see him branch out in other directions . nonetheless , " snatch " is terrific sophomore effort , a darn good action comedy and a hoot to boot . i give it a b+ .

magnolia left me relling from the theatre , staggering from the relentless assault of an adventurous director reveling in his craft . at nearly three and a half hours , magnolia will strike some as a brute of a film . it not only demands your attention , but challenges you to grasp the significance of seemingly unrelated storylines and hidden intentions . it is delirious , depressing , heady , pretentious , surreal filmmaking . it's also a movie that will polarize its viewers . director paul thomas anderson takes a talented cast , wraps them in a net of interrelated stories and sets them spinning in a symphony of despair whose song doesn't let up until an oddly exhilerating , biblically influenced pseudo-climax . the character's make up a modern day gomorrah in the soulless way in which they live their lives . there is frank mackey ( tom cruise ) , a slithery snake charmer of men whose " search and destroy " seminars teach how to mentally rape a woman to get into her pants . there is earl partridge ( jason robards ) , a dying media tycoon yearning to make amends for a lfe of callousness by finding his estranged son . there is game show host jimmy gator ( phillip baker hall ) , a self absorbed tv icon who is hiding more than a few secrets from his public . and there is police officer jim kurring ( john c . reilly ) , who cloaks himself in the codification of organized religion and the legal system , perhaps masking a man who needs rules to fuel his decision making process . given equal weight are stories involving a coke-addled emotional cripple ( melora walters ) , a former tv quiz show champion ( william h . macy ) . a materialistic , adulterous wife ( julianne moore ) , a child ( jeremy blackman ) victimized by a mentally abusive parent , and a caring , empathetic nurse ( philip seymour hoffman ) . hovering over all these characters is a cloud of death , lies and despair . it is not a pleasant movie . there is not one bad note in the acting . it is affecting and layered and wonderful . there is a moment where tom cruise wordlessly implodes that rivals work he has done in whole films . then he tops himself with a mesmerizing deathbed scene . walters plays her character with red-eyed rawness and a fierce self-destructiveness that is anxiety inducing . robards convincingly portrays a fading whisper of a man , who still hears a lion's roar when he speaks . director anderson has apparently given the actors lattitude to emote . the problem is that he stays on them too long . julianne moore's character , linda , quickly escalates to a frenzied pitch of guilt , tears , screaming and remorse and never backs off from it . after a few hours , it turns from interesting to chinese water torture . quite a few scenes , such as the game show , go on just a bit too long and will be off-putting for those used to a pat 90 minute film where the main theme is reiterated several times just in case you missed it the first go around . and just what is the theme ? alienation ? hopelessness ? anderson challenges you to draw your own conclusions and he doesn't make it easy . the film starts by showing three , strange and seemingly unrelated events . it's a harbinger of the synchronicity to come . at times , different stories reach reach key moments at the same time . other times , stories seem to veer off into uncharted territory , regardless of what else is happening . anderson is audacious enough to even have a group sing in the middle of the film ! what's surprising is that it mostly works . if you have doubts about anderson's intentions , i'll ask you to pay attention to the final frame . despite all the sturm und drang , magnolia ultimately speaks to man's capacity for hope and attempts at redemption . despite magnolia's needlessly long running time and its propensity for uneven editing as anderson plays the auteur , showing off fro the masses , i have to admire his guts . this is truly adventurous filmmaking that spits in the face of conventional storytelling . my rating : a bulleye . ( stars ) a side note : helping anchor the film is a perfectly matched soundtrack featuring aimee mann . her lyrics often add depth to a scene thematically while the actual music is both morose and beautiful . when she sings " save me " at the end , it enhances the yearning felt by the characters , just as " wise up " mirrors the anguish felt by all as they contemplate their lives .

because no one demanded it : david duchovny in a romantic comedy ! at last , both his romantic magnetism and his comedic brilliance are mined for all their resources ! the choice of duchovny may have something to do with the plot , which could be fodder for a valentine's day episode of " the x-files . " bob rueland ( david duchovny ) loses his wife elizabeth ( joely richardson ) in a car accident . at the same time , grace briggs ( minnie driver ) is in the hospital , waiting for a heart transplant . grace gets elizabeth's heart , and it leads her to bob . it's the romantic equivalent of all those horror films where someone gets a transplant from a serial killer and then is driven to slaughter people . four writers are credited with contributing to the story . that doesn't seem possible . despite being a solid two hours long , " return to me " adds little to the " boy meets girl / boy loses girl " formula and , as a result , is terribly tedious and slow-moving . duchovny and driver seem unable to generate any sparks , and i kept wishing for a fast-forward button to move their scenes along . since driver has managed to work well in romantic roles before , i blame duchovny . he's out of his element without the manufactured and static sexual tension of his tv series ( and i've always thought that the relationship between mulder and scully on " the x-files " comes off more sibling-like than hot-and-bothered ) . there's something about duchovny that makes me uneasy . regardless of the role he's playing , he comes off as a weirdo . the only redeeming quality of " return to me " is its hilarious supporting cast . the circle of friends and relatives around bob and grace is constantly playing matchmaker , and they generate the only laughs in the movie . carroll o'connor is grace's grandfather marty o'reilly . when bob comes into marty's restaurant after hours , marty immediately begins quizzing bob about his marital status . when marty discovers that bob is a widower , he invites bob to join his poker game and introduces him with the declaration , " this is bob ! his wife is dead ! " the poker buddies are just as desperate to find a mate for grace and greet bob enthusiastically when they hear the news . also funny : bonnie hunt as grace's best friend megan and james belushi as megan's husband joe . married with children , megan and joe provide a useful counterpoint by showing the mundane results of romance . although it's rare to see him in a movie that premieres in a theater , belushi delivers his lines with great comic skill . rounding out the impressive supporting cast are david alan grier as bob's best friend and robert loggia as marty's brother-in-law angelo . in only the lead actors lived up to the standards set by the rest of the cast . bottom line : if you are compelled to see this movie , watch it on video so you can fast-forward to scenes with carroll o'connor and james belushi .

in 1995 , brian singer and christopher mcquarrie dreamed up a simple concept : the audience isn't stupid . from that , they went on and created the most plot-driven , intricately pieced movie in the last 25 years . the result : the usual suspects , one hell of a movie that redefines the word plot twist . the story is convoluted , and is really confusing to read , although easy to follow on screen . special investigator kujan ( chazz palminteri ) grills " verbal " kint ( kevin spacey ) , a crippled con-man who is the lone survivor of an la boat explosion that claimed more than 20 victims . kujan wants to confirm that his nemesis , the rogue cop keaton ( gabriel byrne ) , is actually dead . kint relates the majority of the film in flashback , beginning with the fateful day when five shifty guys meet in a police-station lineup in new york city . along with dour keaton , kint encounters cheerfully sociopathic mcmanus ( stephen baldwin ) , mordantly sarcastic hockney ( kevin pollak ) , and fenster ( benicio del toro ) , whose speech is virtually incomprehensible . together they plot to steal a small fortune in gems from " new york's finest taxi service " --crooked cops who provide escort service for visiting drug kingpins . what follows is a shell-game of violence and betrayal , all hinging on the identity of a mysterious villain called keyser soze . the film is brilliantly compact : its the shortest 90 minutes you'll ever spend in a movie theater . the cast is exceptional . palminteri shines , he is brutally honest , a true cop , one who is going after the whole story because its there . byrne is terrific , his brooding character , his seriousness is needed to supplement the hysteria of benicio del toro , who is a riot as fenster . del toro is brilliant , his lines are a jumbled mess , you can't understand a word the man says , but it sure is damn funny . baldwin is also very good , he is careful , methodical , and cold , a chilling character with a nasty streak of hot-blooded sarcasm . pollak is also terrific as usual , a very good character actor . however , this will be forever known as the film that launched kevin spacey . spacey is simply breathtaking , he is a force on screen , giving a magnetic performance that jars the senses at the end of this twisting maze . spacey's performance will be remembered for years , for it is the best of his career , it may be the best supporting actor performance in the last 50 years . verbal kint is a clever storyteller , weak , oppressed , and gleefully evil to the bone , yet pitiful , one who draws sympathy . the film is a good one , a decent film until the last 10 minutes . what this film boils down to is the greatest ending in cinematic history , for me at least . the revelation of keyser soze , the closing gunfights , it is something wondrous . you have to see this movie about 10 times to believe what they do . kudos to mcquarrie and singer for giving the audience a delightful , fast-paced , furiously plot-driven movie with quirky characters , phenomenal acting , and some hilarious moments stuck in the middle . mcquarrie refuses to believe the audience is dumb . without furnishing too many details , he concocts his story and lets it run , hoping the audience gets it at the end . we do . this might just be the finest cinematic puzzle ever created . kudos also to singer and john ottman , who created the score . they both create what is a true film-noir setting , carefully setting up this intricate puzzle until the final , jarring ending . there are flaws : more questions raised than answers , lack of character development , and no strong female characters ( save one ) . however , the plot , and that stunning ending , make up for all the flaws and more . if you haven't seen the movie , rent it . watch it . then rewind the tape , and watch it again . trust me , you'll be amazed .

the farrelly brothers' third film , after dumb and dumber ( 7 . 5/10 ) and kingpin ( 8/10 ) , brings together the real-life couple of cameron diaz and matt dillon , some nasty humour , a cute dog , and a mix of love , fate and romance . plot : high-school nerd ted gets lucky when the cutest girl in his class asks him to the prom . unfortunately for ted , he accidentally gets a part of his male anatomy ( ouch ! ) caught in his zipper , and misses the big night . thirteen years later , ted still can't get mary out of his mind , and hires a private detective ( dillon ) to find her . once found , it turns out that mary has more than one suitor , and that's when the real fun begins . critique : likeable comedy with a few extremely funny scenes , some funny looking people , and a plot that won't ever put you to sleep . having said that , i must admit that i did like the farrellys' two previous films more than this one , but that is saying a lot , since i really did love those earlier pics . this one is also quite funny , but it didn't really blow me away like the others . then again , maybe my expectations were too high . then again , maybe i should shut up , and write a little more about the film , and less about my supposed subconscious reasons for liking/disliking the film . continuing where their other pictures left off , the farrellys' create a cutesy world of people with strange and endearing qualities , and a simple plot by which to tie them all together . this one also includes plenty of toilet humour , but also some borderline fun-making of the disabled and mentally-challenged . i must admit that i really wasn't sure whether to laugh at some points or not . not a good place to be . having said that , the scenes that did tear through the audience , and yours truly , were extremely hilarious , and went on for several minutes after the punchline . the laughter practically killed out the next scene for one of the best ones in the movie ( something to do with hair gel ) . on the negative end , i did not like the musical interludes of jonathan richman that ran through the entire picture . i found them quite useless , unfunny and distracting . also , i found that a lot of the funnier scenes had already been shown in the film's trailer . and of course , i never quite buy the fact that these beautiful , intelligent , single women still can't seem to find the " right guy " ( see kiss the girls ( 7/10 ) . i did really like all of the actors in the film , especially ben stiller , who appears to be solidifying his mark as a great comical actor with this picture and one of my favourites from 1996 , flirting with disaster ( 8/10 ) . i also liked matt dillon with his big teeth , and lee evans with his superb faux-sympathy british accent . funny stuff . also , make sure that you stay for the credits , because there is an entire montage of outtakes from the film that plays under a lip-synched version of " build me up buttercup " , which is really cool . overall , a cute comedy with a decent premise , and a few particularly hilarious scenes . little known facts : the farrellys big break came when they somehow got a copy of their script " dust to dust " into the hands of eddie murphy via ? murphy's neighbour . they only found out about murphy's interest , when they saw eddie mention the script on the david letterman show one night . matt dillon is a high school dropout . in between acting gigs , dillon has branched out into the restaurant business . close to home in his native new york , he co-owns both a bar called the whiskey and a swanky uptown eatery called the falls . cameron diaz stands 5 " 9 , started working as a model at the early age of 16 , and loves cats . ben stiller's father is jerry stiller . he played george costanza's ( jason alexander ) father on tv's " seinfeld " . peter farrelly has written a novel entitled " outside providence " which is currently being filmed starring alec baldwin . rob moran , who plays the cop in this film , also played the millionaire bowler in kingpin , and the bartender in dumb and dumber . he is old friends with the farrelly brothers from college , and is currently married to entertainment tonight anchor/correspondant julie moran . harland williams , who plays the nutty hitchhiker in this film , also played a state trooper in the farrelly's earlier dumb and dumber , and was the star of the unfortunate rocket man .

martin scorsese's films used to intimidate me . because of his reputation , i felt obligated to appreciate them as deep film art rather than as great flicks . as much as i enjoyed them , i usually felt like i missed something . i learned from scorsese's casino that whatever techniques he uses are merely there to enhance the story . no mystical interpretation is required to appreciate his movies . for example , in casino he uses subtitles when robert deniro and joe pesci are using code words with each other . there was no meaning more exotic than that subtitles were the most succinct way for him to tell the audience what was really going on . or toward the end , when he uses three quick dissolves to compress a scene of a car backing away from a building . again , the simple , mundane explanation is that it helped the pacing . i don't mean to say that his techniques are not creative or good-looking . but he simply uses the best tool for the job . it shouldn't have surprised me , then , that kundun , a film about a mystical religion , actually turned out to be quite straightforward . the movie follows the life of the 14th dalai lama , the spiritual and political leader of tibet . the movie's title is another name for the dalai lama which means " ocean of wisdom . " his story is told in strict chronological order and there are only a few cinematic visions to embellish the literal story . ( one of which makes an interesting statement : pay attention to the film's opening shot and watch where it is repeated . ) we first glimpse the dalai lama when he is two years old . his curiosity and self-assuredness capture the attention of a monk wandering in search of the new lama . a test is arranged to see if this boy really is the reincarnation of the 13 dalai lamas who have gone before . several items belonging to the previous dalai lama are laid before the boy alongside some other items . the child is asked if he recognizes any of the items as his own . the boy picks correctly , proving that he is the new , and the old , dalai lama . scorsese and long-time editor thelma schoonmaker were kind enough to allow the possibility that the child was taking his cues from the monk . before selecting an item , he would look at the monk , perhaps for some sort of confirmation . sometimes he picked right the first time , and sometimes he made a second choice . either way , whether through reincarnation or quick human perception , the tibetans were assured of choosing a boy who could be a wise , perceptive leader . >from this point on , the boy is raised as the reincarnation of the lama's spirit and the future leader of a nation . it is a great weight to put on the mind of a child . in the u . s . it might be grounds for a call to social services . but the young lama accepts his destiny without any apparent emotional damage . neither the great power nor the awesome responsibility keeps him from becoming a genuinely likeable , well-rounded person . certain patterns take shape over the years . for example , the dalai lama is fascinated by technology . radios , clocks , and telescopes are some of his favorite toys . when he is old enough to accept his leadership , he makes plans to modernize isolated tibet . he also has a soft spot for creatures who are suffering or in pain , including herd animals . it's nearly a running gag that he will buy sheep to keep them from being herded to slaughter . but the most ominous constant throughout his life is the presence and threat of tibet's gigantic neighbor , china . tibet and its leaders prove correct in fearing china , as , first the propaganda , then the political pressure , and finally the armies , come across their common border . the chinese invasion is so successful that the lama's life is in danger if he stays . the movie ends when , after much agonizing , the dalai lama leaves tibet for india . the story doesn't lead up to a cinematic climax as strongly as most feature films do . it just doesn't fit that mold . if it were forced into such a shape it would have been a completely different movie ( perhaps more like seven years in tibet , which is good in its own right ) . the pacing of kundun is more calm and level than that . the structure of the film is made to fit the characters and events , not vice-versa . perhaps because the pace is slower , we have more time to notice the beautiful art , vestments , and architecture of tibet . a mandala , ( tibetan sand painting ) with beautiful , vibrant colors is shown throughout the movie . the robes and hats of state are bright red and gold . the bricks are a rich reddish brown , not unlike the skin tone of the tibetans . even the touchstone pictures logo before the movie ( which is usually light blue ) is the red and gold of tibet . philip glass composed the music for kundun , and he was the perfect choice . for those who don't know of glass , his music is like a tibetan mandala . his building blocks are lots of small notes , tiny grains of music , which are first grouped , then repeated in patterns . these patterns create interesting textures which are themselves part of a larger composition . people won't be flocking to kundun for it's great ending , or talking about its outstanding plot , but it does have a lot to offer : an interesting lifetime , exotic sights , rich cinematography , and innovative music . it gives interesting insight into tibetan buddhism and takes a warm look at the dalai lama as a person . on top of it all is the cinematic mastery of martin scorsese , who gives the film a strong , beautiful , consistent look .

so , it's thirty years later , and oscar and felix are together again . that might have been an exciting notion if it wasn't for the fact that the " odd couple " of jack lemmon and walter matthau have been reunited in several recent movies : 1993's " grumpy old men , " 1995's " grumpier old men , " and 1997's " out to sea " ( i . e . " grumpiest old men " ) . so , " the odd couple ii " ( i . e . " the grumpiest old men of all , really " ) seems just another entry in a tired series . the plot is even similar to that of " grumpy old men " in that lemmon and matthau's mismatched characters are brought together by a romance between their children . oscar's son ( jonathan silverman ) and felix's daughter ( lisa waltz ) are getting married , and former roommates felix ungar ( lemmon ) and oscar madison ( matthau ) meet at the airport and decide to share a car . . . then hilarity ensues . well , a few chuckles ensue anyway . neil simon , the award-winning playwright who created oscar and felix , provides the screenplay , which is a shock , because the script is a piece of talentless hackwork from beginning to end . unlike the original play/movie , " odd couple ii " doesn't find its humor in the personality conflict of its characters . instead , it depends upon a series of humorous situations : oscar and felix lose the car over a cliff , are caught smuggling mexicans over the border , take up with two women on the run from their violent husbands ( the women are played by christine baranski of " cybill " and jean smart of " designing women " ) , and hitch a ride with a man who dies in the desert . the original 1968 movie " the odd couple " remains a classic comedy . it introduced the motif of roommate-as-spouse that has provided gags for movies and sitcoms ever since . it was the second outing for the lemmon/matthau team ( which debuted in 1966's " the fortune cookie " ) , and they made a couple more worthwhile comedies , " the front page " ( 1974 ) and " buddy buddy " ( 1981 ) , before going their separate ways . the reunion of lemmon and matthau in " grumpy old men " six years ago was delightful , and its sequel seemed appropriate because it tied up some loose ends from the first movie . but " out to sea " and " the odd couple ii " are just beating a grumpy old horse . ( you can add lemmon's " my fellow americans , " i . e . " grumpy old presidents , " to that list , too . ) let's hope that hollywood offers these two actors something fresh to do . let's hope also that we see neil simon's name on movies that do it justice ( this is his first since 1993's " lost in yonkers " ) .

gordon fleming ( peter mullan ) is in a bind . he has a new , unexpected baby and his business , hazardous material removal , is in danger of going under . when he and his crew get a job opportunity at the long-abandoned danvers state hospital , he underbids the competition to secure the contract and promises to get the three-week job done in one . it will prove to be a fateful week for them all in " session 9 . " gordo gets the job to remove asbestos and other hazardous materials from the spooky old mental hospital in preparation for relocating town offices there . their guided tour of the facility by a local official , bill giggs ( paul guilfoyle ) , brings them through some of the creepier parts of the former asylum . but , a job is a job and , if they finish in a week , as promised , there is a $10000 bonus in store . as they get down to their work , things , normal and not so normal , begin to happen . gordon hears a disembodied voice beckoning him . phil ( david caruso ) is conflicted working with a guy , hank ( josh lucas ) , who is seeing his old girlfriend . mike ( co-screenwriter steven gevedon ) has discovered a cache of audiotapes and transcripts from old psychiatric sessions ( hence , the title ) with inmate mary hobbs , a multi-personality patient with a dark secret . gordo's nephew , jeff ( brendan sexton iii ) , suffers from night phobia and is afraid to venture into the dark bowels of the hospital . as the agreed upon week draws to an end , hank mysteriously disappears from the workplace after a nocturnal confrontation with someone ( something ? ) in the hospital . tensions mount and distrust build among the rest as they watch their chance for the bonus start to slip away . but , there is more , much more , at stake as the hospital and its history of insanity weigh on them all . i don't want to give away too much of the story of " session 9 , " so i'll stop there . what we have here is a spooky horror flick that uses none of the jump-out-at-you-from-the-dark cheap shots that have become part and parcel with horror films since the advent of " halloween " and " friday the thirteenth . " there is no cat leaping out of the dark or the shock of suddenly seeing oneself in a strategically placed mirror . with the exception of one shadowy and chilling image at one point spooky interlude in the film , there is little that you can get your arms around as far as what , specifically , is " frightening . " as i watched " session 9 " i became aware of the subtle things that built up during the story that make it a true horror movie . the striking high-definition video camera work by uta briesewitz ( who worked with the director , brad anderson , on his " next stop wonderland " ) helps to build up tension with close-ups , fluid camera movement and odd angles in a way that would make alfred hitchcock proud . music , too , is used to intense effect , joining with the camera to make simple scenes frightening , even horrifying . couple these tech feats with an intelligent story that uses elements of " the shining , " " the blair witch project " and , even " the texas chainsaw massacre " and you get a decent , intriguing horror flick . additionally , the brilliant decision to shoot at danvers state hospital gives the film another starring character , the institution itself , which lends even more chills to the equation . acting is another factor that raises " session 9 " above the usual dreck presented in recent horror hits like " scream , " " i know what you did last summer " and their sequels . those films took good-looking , though generic , young actors and actresses and put them to use to build up a body count , substituting mayhem for real horror . anderson opted , instead , to use mature , experienced actors like peter mullan and david caruso to fill his characters' shoes and the difference in casting quality is notable . mullan , in particular , puts an arc on his character , gordon , as the troubled guy who slowly and inexorably falls under the pressures of family , job and , finally , danvers state hospital . the rest of the small cast fit the bill as people , not just fodder for the mayhem . david caruso , as gordo's senior man and near equal in the business , shows just how good an actor he is . he made the jump from tv's " nypd blue " to film far too soon and his decisions in the roles he took ( i'll never forget the horrendous " jade " ) were less than star making . he rolls his sleeves up and does the job well here . gevedon , lucas and sexton are more than fodder , too . the only problem with " session 9 " lay in the uninspired ending . it takes on a fairly conventional finale that covers old ground and is a bit of a disappointment after the terrific ( and inspired ) build up . the pleasure is getting there and i wish that anderson and gevedon had kept up the steam they had so ably built during the bulk of the film " session 9 " is an unusual feat . it is scary , doesn't use cheap tricks and raises goose bumps with its intelligently rendered , subtle horror . because of the local interest of danvers , it should do well with the northeast crowd . i hope it gets the national distribution it deserves . i give it a b+ .

getting it right is a far far cry from the teenage sex comedy you might expect from a summer movie about male virginity . the film was directed by randal kleiser , who brought us such bubble-gum classics as grease and the blue lagoon . but thanks to kleiser's surprisingly good direction and an intelligent script , getting it right is a pleasantly quiet , moving , and memorable film--one geared strictly toward a sophisticated , adult audience . getting it right stars jesse birdsall ( emily lloyd's boyfriend in wish you were here ) as gavin , a painfully shy 31-year-old hairdresser who lives at home with his parents and who--gasp--is still a virgin . gavin has no problem whatsoever making small talk with the elderly women who clamor for his services at the hair salon , but expose him to a single 30-year-old beauty and he's a mess . much to gavin's surprise , the woman who finally brings him out of his shell and robs him of his virginity is joan ( lynn redgrave ) , a rich , married , and lonely 45-year-old . getting it right is the simple story of gavin's awkward and haphazard efforts to get it right ; that is , to find the right woman to fulfill his life . getting it right is one of those rare movies that devotes itself entirely to in-depth character development . gavin's self-conscious voice-over narration of his experiences firmly thrusts us into his psyche . we observe his fascinating metamorphosis from shy and passive introversion to assertive and self-confident maturity . birdsall's superb , understated performance as gavin is the real backbone of the film ; he seems convincing and authentic throughout . the charm of getting it right also lies in the wide array of people who inhabit or invade gavin's life . despite her limited screen time , redgrave makes quite a splash in the movie as gavin's middle-aged seducer . for a supporting character , joan is unusually and impressively complex , thanks in large part to redgrave's magnificent performance . gavin is also pursued , or perhaps plagued , by minnie , the totally neurotic daughter of a rich aristocrat . after minnie and gavin meet at a party , she takes great pleasure in disrupting his safe and simple life . helena bonham carter is delightfully pathetic and kooky in the role , and sir john gielgud , with his tongue in his cheek , embodies the height of arrogance as her father . gavin's eventual love-interest is jenny , the adorable twenty-year-old single mother who assists him at the beauty salon ; london stage actress jane horrocks' fine performance yields a touchingly sweet character . peter cook , the great british satirist , appears briefly in the film as gavin's uptight employer . the scenes of gavin's home life with his parents are also a treat . gavin's over-protective mother ( pat heywood ) , whom even woody allen would find overbearing , almost steals the movie . her life seems limited to just two activities : treating gavin like a 10-year-old and preparing exotic but inedible meals , such as scalding hot curry and baked chicken with chocolate sauce . gavin and his father's attempts to avoid eating her meals are extremely amusing . getting it right , for the most part , is very well-crafted , except for two minor shortcomings . first , the movie is about 15 minutes too long , and consequently it loses momentum at times . second , the film includes an altogether extraneous subplot about the domestic problems between gavin's best friend , harry , and his unfaithful lover , winthrop . overall , however , getting it right is quite memorable for its humor , depth , sophistication , and outstanding acting . director kleiser and screenwriter elizabeth jane howard ( adapting her own highly acclaimed novel ) deserve praise for finding just the right tone for this tale of growth , maturation , and self-discovery .

star wars : episode i - the phantom menace review a review by jamey hughton stars ) starring-liam neeson , ewan mcgregor , natalie portman and jake lloyd director-george lucas rated g with all the hype that star wars : episode 1- the phantom menace has been receiving , it seems almost impossible to avoid interest in seeing the film . the movie is easily the most anticipated motion picture ever , with a marketing campaign so strong it has brought colonel sanders , the taco bell chihuahua and pizza hut together . can george lucas succeed yet again with transporting us back a long time ago , in a galaxy far , far away . . . . ? yes . this star wars prequel may be the worst of the bunch , with amateurish dialogue and an overall lack of humanity . but that doesn't mean it fails to comply on the basis of solid entertainment . the phantom menace features the most eye-catching , jaw-dropping visual look in cinematic history . the tremendous action sequences will have you clinging to your arm rest , and the special effects are nothing short of the best ( and most plentiful ) to ever be caught on film . the vast digitized worlds and sheer imagination that was applied to this project is astounding . the phantom menace is a delectable feast for the senses , even if it has some disappointing aspects . after we're treated to the famous prologue in the sky , with john williams' thundering score , we meet qui-gon jonn ( liam neeson ) and young obi-wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor ) , a jedi master and his trainee `padawan' . they are on the ship accommodating the fleet headquarters for the evil trade federation , and have been sent to settle disputes regarding the taxation of trade routes to the planet of naboo . oh , but enough about that . the prime concern for this prequel is introducing young anakin skywalker ( jake lloyd ) into the picture . as you already know , this seemingly charming lad is the boy who will soon become darth vader . a spectacular pod race comes soon hereafter . this particular race is the most exciting , energetic , high-octane action sequence that you'll ever see . one of the delights of the series is meeting the newest set of strange alien creatures that lucas has devised , and the phantom menace is no exception . i loved sebulba , the rat-like scoundrel whom anakin has to face in the pod race , and boss nass , the leader of the gungans ( who are a neighbouring species to naboo ) . one character who has been subject to criticism is jar-jar binks , a member of the gungan race . jar-jar speaks like roger rabbit on a hallucinogenic drug , and is there for the sole purpose of supplying comic relief . yes , he is initially annoying , but i can admit to laughing over some of his harmless , goofy antics . there is some lack of dramatic pull in this star wars entry , but the presentation almost makes you forget the plot and character lapses . the final light-saber battle , between the jedi's and the horrific ( and terminally underused ) villain darth maul , is spectacular to behold . jabba the hutt , yoda , c-3po and r2-d2 have cameo appearances . lucas has not forget how to captivate an audience , even if his latest shows obvious signs of tiredness . one can only wonder what the possible technology will present for the next two installments , episode's i and ii . when they arrive , you'll know where to find me .

errol morris , critically acclaimed director of the 1997 documentary fast , cheap and out of control , vaults to new heights with mr . death . this film , an examination of the life and work of controversial execution equipment designer and revisionist historian fred a . leuchter , jr . , is sure to draw audiences out of their malaise , stunning even the more jaded minds among us . don't let the film's cheesy dissuade you . following this sideshow of horror-lab special effects we are plunged quickly into a non-stop exploration of the weirdness that is leuchter's life and mind . morris follows the trail of leuchter's madness with appalling lucidity , revealing in a surprising and frightening way what most of us could have guessed to begin with : this leuchter guy is seriously messed up . virtually raised within the american penal system by a father who worked within prison walls , leuchter seems to have come somewhat naturally into his profession ; designing and maintaining execution equipment for state penitentiaries , in spite of his lack of credentials . after a moderately successful career making electric chairs and designing gas chambers and gallows , leuchter came to the attention of neo-nazi and revisionist historian ernst zundel , who was facing criminal charges in germany for publishing his `theory' that the holocaust never happened . morris's interviews are surprisingly congenial , drawing the subjects into a carefree banter that gives them more than enough rope with which to hang themselves . zundel speaks to the camera as though it were his mensch . leuchter seems completely at ease , sometimes jovial . part of this effect may be due to morris's new interviewing machine , called the interrotron , which is responsible for creating eye contact between the subject and the interviewer . this was the first time morris had used the device , and the results are startling . combine the irony of these interviews with leuchter's reenactments and reels of creepy stock footage of his trip to auschwitz and birkenau , not to mention a haunting clip of thomas edison electrocuting an elephant , and you've got one compelling and disturbing documentary . while this film isn't for the feeble-minded or weak-hearted , it is a valuable addition to the cultural landscape . aside from a few dragging minutes toward the end of the piece , morris has given us a fresh look at a dismal subject and i , for one , feel bettered by the experience .

by now i figured i'd seen every alfred hitchcock film at least a half-dozen times -- not that i'm complaining . to call him the " master of suspense " is an understatement . the paradine case ( 1947 ) , admittedly one of hitchcock's lesser movies , turned out to be one i'd missed . this one , like all hitchcock films , is well worth savoring . the story opens with the rich mrs . maddalena anna paradine being arrested in her home for poisoning her blind husband . as mrs . paradine , alida valli plays an aloof but alluring woman of the world . to franz waxman's stark and moody music , we see the prison guards divesting her of her luxurious garments and jewels . stripped of her fine raiment , she becomes a commoner again , which , as it turns out , was what she was before she met her husband . " a brief skirmish , and you'll be lunching at the savoy again , " anthony keane , her ultraconfident attorney tells her in their first meeting , predicting a fast and easy trial . gregory peck plays the successful and debonair barrister . " she's no murderess , " he argues simplistically , smitten by her beauty . " she's too fine a woman . " his attitude upsets his beautiful and increasing jealous wife , gay ( ann todd ) . unlike most hitchcock movies , which are centered on the thriller and the mystery , this one is more a romantic melodrama . typical is the scene in which gay flings her head back and shakes her hair while bathed in light . she deflects her husband's affections as she fears that he is beginning to fall in love with his client . the dramatic music then comes up high as the camera dwells on mrs . paradine's portrait nearby . in the relatively unsatisfying first half , little happens other than domestic squabbles and overtones of intense adulterous desires . to the sound of sweeping violins gay tells anthony that he must get mrs . paradine acquitted because , if mrs . paradine dies , his heart will go with her . if she is freed , he will be able to forget her . as part of the soap opera , a mysterious louis jordan plays mr . paradine's valet , who has had some not to be discussed relationships . charles coburn plays anthony's legal partner , sir simon flaquer . and charles laughton , who looks like coburn , is judge lord horfield . this being proper british society , they will all dine together at the judge's house not long before the case begins . court tv junkies will probably pick up the many differences , some subtle and others not , between the american and the british judicial systems . one , for example , of which i was not aware is that the barrister cannot speak to his own client during the recess if she is the process of testifying . one sometimes wonders what the academy is thinking when they make their oscar nominations . as the judge's wife , lady sophie horfield , ethel barrymore got a nomination for best supporting actress -- the film's only nomination -- for an inconsequential part with which she did little of merit . ( so the big question is when does hitchcock make his obligatory walk-on ? at 37 minutes into the film , he leaves a train station carrying a large musical instrument case . don't miss it . ) in the second half the story finally comes alive when it gets into the courtroom . the great master shows his hand there as the tensions build as rapidly in the second part as they lay fallow in the first . watch how the camera angles are sometimes from the back and other times from way on high to set the exact tone for the trial's action . as anthony explains it , the simple case has only 3 possibilities : mr . paradine poisoned himself , mrs . paradine did it , or the valet did it . the end includes many devastating revelations and some nice twists so it is too bad the first half is so languid . the paradine case runs 1 : 53 . the picture is in black and white . it is not rated but would be pg for mature themes and would be fine for kids around nine and up if they are interested .

synopsis : a man whose lover , paris , was murdered agrees to test out an experimental virtual reality home unit system . the subject escapes from the real world and his current girlfriend , laura , and becomes addicted to virtual reality , which , due to a design flaw in his unit , recreates the dead paris . comments : virtual seduction , executive produced by roger corman and lance h . robbins , serves as a cheaply-made precursor to strange days , a far superior film . both movies deal with desperate men who have trouble relating to their current lovers because they are ( ab ) using technology to be with former lovers ( in strange days , the technology utilized recorded dreams rather than virtual reality ) . interestingly , both films also take place a couple of years from now during the turn of the new millenium , though strange days uses the setting far more effectively . this exemplifies the problem with virtual seduction . it's not bad for what it is : low-budget science fiction concerning the psychological dangers of virtual reality . unfortunately , it's been done before and since in much better films , a fact which ultimately leaves the sci-fi fan bored by this movie . virtual seduction has many faults ( one of them is the fact that the video inexplicably has its own trailer before it begins ) . the film's script explores the possibilities of virtual reality interestingly at first , but its treatment of the subject matter gets heavy-handed and wooden as the movie progresses . many important scenes seem too dark ; the lighting could have been improved significantly . the cast , a collection of veteran b-movie actors and sitcom regulars , do only a mediocre job in their roles . jeff fahey , of the original lawnmower man , convincingly , though unenergetically , plays the lead character . carrie genzel plays paris , the vr lover , but ami dolenz , as the current love interest , seems like a much more interesting and attractive character with a caring personality , which doesn't lend credence to the film's premise . meschach taylor , of the once popular designing women sitcom , adequately plays a scientist working on the project , but his performance isn't something to write home about either . virtual seduction is one of those harmless movies to which you could do some light manual labor and not mind having it on in the background . in other words , one could fold laundry while glancing up at it every now and then , but it's rather boring to just sit and watch . the movie is surprisingly not as violent as one expects from b-movies in this genre , but it is still an adult r-rated film due to sexual situations and a suicide attempt . this turkey , ultimately , isn't awful , but it's not particularly interesting or unique either . don't be seduced into watching this movie unless you've got several loads of laundry and nothing else to watch .

i'm an avid fan of the " alien " saga , so this review is obviously a tad biased ( at least i admitted it ) . of course , that doesn't mean that i'm gonna be giving this a four-star review or something , because " alien : resurrection , " the fourth film in the cool-as-hell series is not an absolutely amazing film , much like the first two were . however , it's a very good film which never fails to entertain , and consists of yet another mutation in the style of the series . in short , i had a good time . " alien : resurrection " leaves off 200 years after the last one , where our heroine protagonist , ellen ripley ( sigourney weaver ) , the science fiction genre's answer to job , had killed herself after discovering that an alien was inside her body , waiting to pop out like it did to john hurt in the first one . of course , the last one wasn't very great or anything ( i liked it , though not as much as the first two ) , and more importantly , it wasn't financially successful ( a tawdry 55 million bucks ! ) . so back we are , with ripley back as a clone , which means we get another little satirical look at cloning ( not that that's a bad thing , but it's becoming a cliche ) . so she's cloned aboard an even more futuristic-looking ship called " the auriga " by some doctors ( including the necessary bad government guy , dr . wren , played by j . e . freeman , as well as the little-seen dr . gediman , played by none other than brad douriff ) , mainly because they have a version of her with the alien still inside her . once you get past the fact that you can't figure out where they got her blood ( although i think it might have been from the blood samples taken by charles dance in the third one ) , the film's okay . also on board are a band of mercenary pirates , including michael wincott , ron perlman , kim flowers , raymond cruz , dominique pinon ( a jeunet sytable ) and . . . winona ryder , who plays analee call , who turns out to have a bit of a secret ( i won't state it , but unless you've been shacking up with salinger for the past two years , you probably know all about it - although it's nicely covered up ) . there's a bit of a non-sexual-yet-slightly-homoerotic relationship between her and ripley , but it's never really deepened enough . oh well . well , as you might have guessed , the alien and its spawn escape and run around the ship . and it pretty much does away with most of the people on the ship ( including some shocks - dan hedaya , for instance , who's death is comical yet sad since , well , he's dan hedaya ) , and the remaining people ( about 7 or 8 ) are left to try and escape and stop the aliens from doing any major harm since the ship is heading quickly towards earth . of course , the plot is all balderdash , and just an excuse for some good old " alien " -brand fun . the real focus of the series seems to be on style , not really substance ( although there's always a bit of it , most notably in " aliens " with the relationship between ripley and the little girl ) . what's interesting about the series is that each film is stylistically different in its approach . " alien " is a claustrophobic exercise in quiet frights . " aliens " is a wild , tense thriller . " alien 3 " is a bleak , moody piece of semi-noir . " alien 4 " is kind of like an off-beat french film , filled with lots of humor , and cool scares . jean-pierre jeunet ( without his usual directing partner , marc caro ) creates a ship filled with the kind of scares films like " das boot " has , with echoes hinting at a possible threat . the chills in the film are really cool , especially with the music , which is sometimes turned down completely for certain scenes ( there's the most tense surgery scene since " face/off " towards the beginning ) . and not every chill turns into a bloody mess or anything like that . this all combined with some good old humor makes this as interesting visually and stylistically as the others . there are even a couple scenes which just stick out afterwards as being brilliantly executed . one is the aforementioned surgery scene . another one takes place between call and ripley , which is just awesome . the underwater chase scene and the ladder scene afterwards is one of the most tense , thrilling , and jaw-dropping scenes in the entire saga ( with a small allusion to jeunet's earlier film , " delicatessen " ) . and the way they do in the final alien is hysterically cool ( with a lovely allusion to " goldfinger " ) . but the best scene in the entire film ( i'm sure i'm not the first to mention it ) takes place when ripley sees all the variations on her as they cloned her ( she has a an " 8 " tatooed on her arm ) . it might be the most emotionally stimulating scene in the entire saga . the screenplay by joss whedon is not a great piece of work , as it never really deapens a lot of the characters . however , it does make us care about most of them , so that when there's very little of them , and it looks like one or more of them may become alien chow , we are pretty scared . and , yeah , there are some very funny lines ( ripley : " who do i have to fuck to get off this boat ? ! " johner : " well , i can get you off . but not this ship . " ) the acting is good all around , with stand-out performances from ron perlman as the male chauvenist pig johner , and leland orser ( the poor bastad in " se7en " who performed the " lust " sin ) as an anxiety-ridden wannabe woody allen who has an alien inside him . winona ryder is good , but not amazing like she usually is ( although she meshes well with the film ) . of course , and as usual , sigourney weaver steals the show . playing a variation on the ripley character ( less emotional , and more rude and bitter ) , she pulls it off while still being utterly lovable . she's not going to get an oscar nomination like she did for " aliens , " but she's just awesome . overall , it's a thrilling , entertaining film which doesn't really amaze like the first two , but is much more amazing than the third installment . the style is the best part of the film , which isn't really a bad thing , but it being the best part takes away from a lot of the depth the film occasionally tries to apply . but it's entertaining as hell , and it's definitely fit for the " alien " series .

every once in a while , a film sneaks up on me and takes me completely by surprise . i don't necessarily mean in terms of quality ; rather , i'm referring to the mere knowledge of its existence . usually i know what films are on the way a year in advance , but two weeks ago i had never heard of princess caraboo . it has slipped rather quietly into limited release , and appears destined to slip out just as quietly . that's a shame , because princess caraboo is a delightful fable , romantic , gentle and very appealing . what's more , it's surprisingly insightful and provides a sharp-witted lesson in english social history . princess caraboo is based on an actual event in early 19th century england , involving a young woman ( phoebe cates ) who is found wandering the countryside . apparently unable to speak any english , she is taken in by good-hearted gentlewoman mrs . worrall ( wendy hughes ) . her banker husband ( jim broadbent ) is none-too-pleased about this strange houseguest , until the worralls begin to believe that the woman may be royalty from an east indian island , the princess caraboo . this development inspires plans for a lucrative trading venture for mr . worrall , and an introduction into elite social circles for mrs . worrall . however , local journalist john gutch ( stephen rea ) is not convinced that the woman is what she seems to be , and sets out to find out the truth about princess caraboo . as a social satire and comedy of manners , princess caraboo is a winner . it takes place in an era when it was common practice in england to jail vagrants and hang beggars , and that practice comes in for an obvious hazing . but it is handled most effectively through the character of mr . worrall , a drunken womanizer whose bank is in deep trouble thanks to his corruption and ineptitude . he is worse than one of the idle rich ; he is one of the actively odious gentry so eager to distance themselves from the lower class they think nothing of simply eliminating them , and since the house and money are all from mrs . worrall , he is a bit too close to them for comfort . while hypocrisy is an easy target for ridicule , director and co-writer michael austin keeps the treatment too light-hearted to be heavy-handed . he also takes a unique stab at the trendiness of the upper classes , as the princess becomes a " sensation " at court . in one of the film's best sequences , princess caraboo is the guest of honor at a party hosted by the prince regent ( a wonderfully foppish turn by comic john sessions ) , and the lords and ladies end up following her around in a thoroughly silly native dance . it is then that princess caraboo shows how easily people are swept up in " sensations , " an idea that takes on a timeless quality ( and makes the film an interesting companion piece to the current quiz show ) . social commentary aside , princess caraboo is simply an eminently enjoyable entertainment . the performers are mostly delightful , particularly phoebe cates , who is radiant in a part that requires a gift for pantomime . her supporting players are also appealing : wendy hughes as the patient and kindly mrs . worrall ; kevin kline as frixos , the worralls' suspicious and superior greek butler ; stephen rea as the world-weary but ultimately romantic gutch . only john lithgow is a disappointment , turning in a limp performance as a scholar who attempts to verify the princess's identity . the story twists and turns just enough so that the question of whether or not the princess is really a princess is always in some doubt , without becoming gimmicky . it is unfortunate that the growing attraction between gutch and princess caraboo isn't given more time to develop , because the potential seemed to be there . when it finally does blossom , it seems too quick to be plausible . princess caraboo is patient enough in establishing its sense of time and place that it might seem a bit slow to viewers seeking a fantasy romp . still , it has both escapist and intellectual appeal , and is well worth seeking out . it is the kind of film that makes my job its most rewarding--a hidden gem .

a disappointing biography about the homosexual relationship of two famous 19th century french poets . the film managed to remove all the poetry from the poets and instead concentrated on their abrasive personalities . the result is merely an academic exercise , leaving an emotional vacuum that it couldn't build on to show them as the poets they were . on paper , this shouldn't have been so terrible -- it had a talented director in agnieszka holland ( " the secret garden " ) , a proven screenwriter in christopher hampton ( dangerous liaisons ) , and a capable cast . but the film was done in by its inept script , the unappealing way the film was directed , and the miscasting of leonardo dicaprio as rimbaud . i found his performance to be the most risible one in the film , with him acting more like a teenage brat than a young genius , spouting obsenities without giving a hint that a true poet lies behind that facade . he , especially , looked bad because david thewlis as paul verlaine looked so good despite the turgid dialogue that was thrust upon him and how thin a character he was forced to be . but when the two of them were together , it looked like a mismatch . leonardo's rimbaud only made the young poet look petulant and crude , yet we know from rimbaud's poetry , that he must have had something going for him because his poetry was awe inspiring . the film opens in post-revolutionary france in 1871 , the 16-year-old rimbaud has sent the established symbolist poet verlaine a letter with his poems . he accepts verlaine's praises and invitation to be a house guest in his splendid paris home , and rimbaud leaves his sullen farm in rural charleville . once there , rimbaud is disappointed in the bourgeoisie household , has an immediate conflict with verlaine's busty 18-year-old wife mathilde ( romane ) , and finds to his regret that the drunken verlaine loves his rich wife for her body and that he lives off her family's money , even though he has nothing else in common with her . when verlaine states , " poets can learn from one another , " rimbaud replies in a haughty tone , " only if they're bad poets . " he will continue to treat the older poet like dirt for the rest of their relationship . verlaine proves to be weak-willed , beating his wife regularly , and plays just as despicable a character as rimbaud . when mathilde's father kicks rimbaud out of the house , verlaine finds him in a rooming house and the two become lovers . it's a real downer to watch this story unfold into a series of obnoxious behavior patterns on the part of the two poets , which leads them to traveling together and mathilde asking for a divorce . in brussels , verlaine gets arrested for sodomy and spends two years in jail . while rimbaud becomes angered at the literary world and never writes another poem after he becomes 19 . he instead goes to north africa and becomes an adventurer and a gun-runner , and after ten years there , comes home with a tumor on his knee and dies a changed man at the age of 37 . the hopeless relationship between the two is what the picture covers in detail and that was not very satisfying . the film ends on a whimper . . . with verlaine talking with rimbaud's sister about her brother and the poems of his he still possesses , which the sister wants destroyed so as not to embarrass the family or ruin the name of her deceased brother if published . this film was especially annoying because rimbaud's poems are filled with a visionary tenseness that are not even approached in this film , as the film only manages to skim the surface of the lives of these poets and completely ignores the value of their poetry . i have no idea what the filmmaker was trying to say in this film , but whatever it was , it just didn't work . it certainly didn't bring any light into understanding what rimbaud meant to modern poetry and why he earned the reputation as the so-called father of modern poetry .

there's only one presidential election every four years , but it seems like every few months we get another presidential conspiracy movie painted as _the_ thriller of the year . in 1997 , we've had absolute power , air force one , shadow conspiracy and murder at 1600 . this one is about as lame duck as old gerald ford , trying to bring us a complex plot of cover-up and intrigue but copping out over and over again with rehashes of action flick standbys . here's what happens this time . it's night at the white house . a secretary is having sex with some unidentified guy with a cute butt . the next day she's dead and hotshot detective wesley snipes is called in . how do we know he's a hotshot ? we've seen the traditional action flick opener -- the clever hostage negotiation scene . it's not so clever this time , consisting of snipes disarming a suicidal ex-government employee holding a gun to his head in the middle of the street . snipes is off to the white house , where he finds the secret service head ( the shiny bald head of daniel benzali ) won't cooperate with him at all . in fact , if not for the intervention of national security adviser alan alda , snipes wouldn't have been allowed in the white house at all . alda helps snipes out further , assigning a sexy secret service agent ( diane lane ) to act as his liaison . . . a very dangerous liaison . well , not really , i just wanted to say that . almost immediately , a suspect is found , an eccentric night janitor seen flirting with the deceased on one of the security videos . snipes doesn't buy it , and launches into an independent investigation of his own , one that reveals planted evidence and romantic involvement by the president's son . snipes' partner , an always- wisecracking dennis miller , calls him up every once in awhile with more news and lane , who at first doesn't believe snipes , eventually and predictably comes around , and risks her ass to break into social security storage and break out some classified information . for the first hour or so , murder at 1600 looks like it could be going somewhere interesting . sure , we have to sit through the lame opening sequence and plenty more lame scenes after that , but the whole murder in the white house thing makes for an interesting premise that is never quite delivered upon . snipes and lane don't make for a bad action team , but with nothing to work with , they're just cogs in the bad movie machine . dennis miller might as well not even be in the movie ; they waste his talents more in murder at 1600 than they did in bordello of blood , and that's saying a lot . when you get to the last half-hour , the movie has descended metaphorically and literally into a wet sewer , busting out the old break-into-the-building underground climax . and when they finally reveal who killed the woman and why , you'll wish you never sat through this movie at all . the " 1600 " in the movie's title doesn't represent an address , it represents the number of satisfied customers worldwide . serving the world for nearly 1/25th of a century !

expectation rating : a bit worse than expected ( mainly because i found the middle part to be a bit dull ) . roger ebert gave it a four star review , and while he is a critic that uses the full scale , and i often agree -- such as dark city being the best film of 1998 , he must have seen a better film . i read the book about five years ago and hugely enjoyed it . the opening of a simple plan reminded me a bit of the sweet hereafter . the landscape is snowy and cold , and is filmed what i feel is in a rather crisp manner ( which also reminds me of fargo ( which i loathed ) ) . one can almost sense the cold . but the movie far from the eye popping delights of the quick and the dead , instead raimi has made a more constrained film -- which probably is for the better . this is probably not a movie that would have been improved by lots of odd shots . the movie also reminded me of affliction , as the lead characters all seem to be hoping for and seeing a possibility to lead a better life than their father , and they see a chance for such a dream to come true . this chance is uncovered in a snow covered field , where an airplane has crash landed . in the plane three men find ? the american dream . . . in a gym bag . ? affliction too was set in a snowy landscape . it really seems very simple . just hold on to the money until spring , and if no one claims it , they'll be safe to spend it and their hope of experiencing the american dream can come true . but the snow melts , and so might several of the character's hopes . as in ? return to paradise ? , some of the characters are presented with a chance to do the right thing . but doing the right thing might not result in a better result than something more selfish . the movie's biggest strength is that it fact makes sense . i have seen many movies based on books that just seem like selected scenes from the book visualized , eschewing anything remotely resembling a coherent story -- for example clear and present danger . the biggest problem seems to over-familiarization with the story . the writer perhaps feels that he doesn't have to present scenes that are clear to him , but the lack of which only baffles an audience which has not read the book . this is definitely not the problem with a simple plan , even though the screenplay is by the book's author . the movie is always clear on where it's going , and always makes sense . i'm sue a lot was cut , but really i can't remember what . even a minor scene involving a man complaining that he has paid for too much grains is included . the man only comes in on mondays , but he claims that he has been charged for one purchase too many . turns out . . . well , see the movie . one should be warned against seeing the trailer . it reveals several scenes from the ending moments ( which yes , like in the book , it is a downer ) , several plot developments , and much of the beginning . but much of this is not spelled directly out during the trailer , so if you're lucky , you'll have forgotten about all of this when you see the movie .

the bond series is an island in the film world ; where else would we look forward to cliches , and all of the other things that occur in most of these films ? where else would pure escapism , a vulnerable hero , the " talking villains , " blatant product placement , predictable action sequences , and lots of promiscuity be hoped for instead of a significant change ? i don't understand it myself , but that's what the bond series is based on . for ( i think ) 18 films , we've mostly got the same thing over and over again , with some variation ( and a bit of change , most notably in the two dalton films ) . but even i , a king of cynicism , can't bitch about it . and " tomorrow never dies , " the ( again , i think ) eighteenth bond film , and second brosnan bond film , is no exception . thank god ! the plot , as in most of them , is pure balderdash , but seems to have a nice kind of edge to it . instead of just plain billionaire psychotics , we get a rupert murdoch-esque media mogul/psychotic - elliot carver ( jonathan pryce , looking bitching with a white-haired cru cut , and always talking like he's out of breath ) , who has the admittingly ingenius idea of getting ratings by creating a war . no , this is not " wag the dog " - he wants a real war , between china and england , and is stupid enough to put the coverage out before anyone else discovered it . . . in comes bond . james is sent all around the world , trying to do research on carver , fighting with his men , and running into ( on more than one occasion ) a chinese secret agent like him : wai lin ( michelle yeoh , asian action star extraordinaire . . . and co-star of " supercop , " nearly stealing the screen from jackie chan in that one ) . the two eventually , and predictably of course , begin working together , and yes , there is some sexual tension between the two . luckily , their relationship is never strained , and she never gives into his cassanova-ness until the finale . thank god again . in every bond film , james bags , on average , three women ( sometimes more , sometimes less - the latter being more potent towards the aids-cautionary dalton ) , and he doesn't spoil this one ( though we never see them , of course - i mean , they need to stay around a pg-13 rating ) . there's always one at the beginning with some chick we never see again , the big bond girl ( yeoh ) , and this time we have an almost-cameo by teri hatcher as carver's wife , paris , who , it seems , was once one of the girls he bags at the beginning . yes , teri's very attractive , but she seems kind of dull . of course , it's not really her fault ; her part is under-written , and she's only in a small part of it . oh well . and there are always the big henchmen , the guys who do the dirty work for the polished big villains . this time we get a tall , arian-looking ( not to mention robert shaw in " from russia with love " -looking ) guy named stamper ( goetz otto ) , who is pretty awesome , although a bit stiff ( well , mostly his posture , really ) . and for a bit of comedy , we get a cameo from vincent shiavelli as a german or austrian assassin who is ordered to do in bond at one point . the government people have small parts , as usual , with q ( desmond llewelyn , looking near death , sadly ) getting only one scene ( in a more grouchy mood than usual ) , and m ( judi dench ) , getting more than m usually gets ( i mean , it is judi dench ) . and for no reason whatsoever , except 'cause he was so good in " goldeneye , " joe don baker shows up again as wade , admitting he has no reason for being there , and is this time more annoying . again , oh well . the action sequences are not a let-down , although sometimes go on too long . they pop up every now and then , mainly because they have to ( for the sake of the series ) , and some significant ones are the opening one , one in a garage with a bmw that runs on remote control , and a motorcylce chase ( on a bmw cycle , nonetheless ) through china streets ( or was it vietnam . . . the plot's not really essential ) . they're more high-tech , and feature much more laughs , which , yeah , i dig . so what if they're distracting ; they're supposed to be ! the acting , from most around is great . yeoh is , actually , one of the better bond girls , mainly because she's so unique . the better bond girls are more independent , and have a certain wily-ness to them . pussy galore , with her homoerotic undertones and all , is one of the best , and diana rigg , who married bond at the end of " on her majesty's secret service " only to be killed , added some emotional depth . yeoh is notable since she's so active , and has great chemistry with brosnan . pryce is an awesome villain , being slimy and lovable at the same time . and brosnan is , once again , the mack daddy . the bond series is built on cliches , mainly because they're so fun and add to the escapism . if you can remember the dalton years , and they're serious direction , you remember how unsuccessful they were , both financially and aesthetically . the series would falter if bogged down with too much plot , too many themes , and too much characterization . i don't really understand it myself , yet i'm one of the bigger fans of the series in the northeast united states . having seen all of them more than once ( yes , i've seen this twice already ) , you can tell i adore them . while it's not one of the best , like " goldfinger " or " from russia with love , " " tomorrow never dies " is nonetheless a truly awesome installment , even if not being as fully amazing as some of the better ones .

first impressions : critically , a close-to-awful film , but money-wise , it has been doing ( and will continue to do ) great . a sometimes-funny film that sags and lags and oftentimes gets boring . an orginal plot that grows old real fast . one of the only 90 minute films that i've gotten bored through . men in black has defied the odds . when i first saw that the flick was 89 minutes long , i thought maybe that this was a poor attempt at an independence day type film that just ran out of gas . however , i now realize that not only did men in black run out of gas , but the film in 90 minutes manages to show off a very original idea ( which summer audiences have embraced ) that becomes old about 25 minutes into the movie . tommy lee jones and will smith play two " government " agents who are responsible for keeping order in alien society . the ridiculous plot begins when an alien " bug " , played weirdly by vincent d'onofrio , who was so great in full metal jacket , lands on earth to retrieve a galaxy that's somewhere on " orion's belt . " anyway , the basic plot revolves around jones and smith to stop this bug from getting the galaxy , or a higher power will blow up the earth . the premise is ridulous , but that is not why i didn't like this film . i love original plots . this one had an original one . but director barry sonnenfeld did something to this film that ruined its plot : he made the film drag and also put in unncessary elements in it that are found in romance films . whenever i saw d'onofrio's bug stomp and eat people in the film , it got terribly boring after a while . while smith's wise-cracks did fill in the gaps , it wasn't enough . and also , i cannot believe the screenwriters elected to have a sub-plot where tommy lee jones missed his former lover because as an alien agent , they can't have contact with any humans really . and here i see jones , at a satellite computer , watching his lover plant the garden ? a sentimental moment in an alien movie ? nice try , but i don't think so . it doesn't work here . it just makes the movie even more ridiculous and even more boring : we don't only have aliens to worry about , but now we have jones's conscience . i came into the movie not wanting to see jones's conscience , but wanting to see a real action movie that had lots of aliens in it . maybe it's unfair that i partly judged this movie on what my expectations were . nevertheless , even though some parts are indeed funny , the plot in this movie grew old and boring -- quick .

long ago , films were constructed of strong dialogue , original characters , memorable plot points , and solid acting . one of the best examples that hollywood now completely ignore these qualities is found in the new film where the heart is . this opus about the power of love and the redemption of family follows the tragic , and i mean tragic , life of novalee nation ( natalie portman ) . hitting the road with her hick , guitar-playing boyfriend in a rusted-out gm , novalee dreams of the blue skies of bakersfield and sipping chocolate milk beneath a plastic umbrella with her unborn baby , due in a month . stopping off at a nearby wal-mart for a quick rest , novalee's boyfriend decides to take off and leaves her there . novalee then decides to secretly hole up in the wal-mart ( because she's not the brightest bulb in the stagelights ) . a wacky librarian ( keith david ) comes to her rescue when she goes into labor one night while she is camped in the outdoors section of the store . then the she moves in with a family , befriends everyone in town -- including ashley judd's character ( who has five kids and still can work part-time as a nurse ) -- fights off religious freaks , survives a tornado , breaks the heart of the wacky librarian that saved her , receives an inheritance , builds a martha stewart-esque house , becomes an award-winning photographer , and manages to always look like she stepped out of a cosmo shoot , all while not once doing anything with her kid . this film is terrible . the directing is awful : it seems director matt williams had an index card with six angles written on it and used every one of them , over and over and over again . we get pathetic and ugly acting by natalie portman , who can do good work . a disjointed pacing of key scenes and a time structure so confusing that it would throw steve prefontaine off . a subplot that actually validates the actions of the boyfriend who abandoned novalee in the wal-mart parking lot . an embarrassing display of emotions by the characters , making the audience ill . taking two great comedic screenwriters , babaloo mandel and lowell ganz , and forcing them to write drama on par with oprah's book club . altogether , it has the feeling of being trapped at home , watching a very bad television mini-series and wishing it to end , only the remote is broken . however , the main problem with the film is that it never answers the most poignant question brought up : where is the heart ? no one ever seems to find it in this piece of junk .

'traffic violation' dr . daniel's review of u-turn dr . d's rating : critical condition ( okay , here's the deal . i'll be the first one to grant that everybody needs a day off now and then . i'll even go so far as to say that a vacation is a necessary part of doing any job well . i mean , hey , i've been known to stretch a weekend into a three-day outing , if friday looks to be a slow day . and if monday ain't looking like a pick-me-up , well , i've been known to give martha nell a call and say , " do me a favor , sweetheart . bump old man ferguson's boil lancing to tuesday morning , and tell miss audrey that i'll swing by her house monday evening and see if we can't get her trick knee back in line . " a simple sentence like that , and i've got a nice four-day fishing trip with the boys , or more often than not , a trip up to cherokee , n . c . , for jackpot bingo and assorted other mountain funnery . but the point is , if you take a day off , do something different . if you've worked yourself silly for months , relax a bit . sleep in . eat pancakes at noon . microwave an egg in its shell . watch pro wrestling with the sound off . listen to some barry white records at high speed . whatever . but do not , under any circumstances , spend your vacation doing the same thing you do for a living . and , if you do , don't make the final product look ten times worse than it would any other time . because i do not want to hear your sob stories , oliver stone . you apparently thought you needed a break from making " important films . " cool . so you found this hinky little book and decided to make it a movie . that's cool , too . but , ollie , old sage , do not take a good story and a hot cast and make one of the most pointless and worthless films of the decade . i'm just eager to meet you one day , so i can buy you a stoli , look you in the eye and say , " what in the wide world of sports were you thinking with u-turn ? " and i'll stand there staring 'til i get a straight answer . sean penn stars u-turn , as bobby , a drifter who's had some troubles a while back . he's heading cross the desert minus two fingers when his mustang ragtop blows a radiator hose , stranding him in superior , arizona , held there by an " ignorant , inbred , turtleneck hick " of a mechanic named darrell . while darrell puts a new hose on the ride , bobby walks into town to see what's cooking . is it needless of me to say that superior , arizona , is not exactly the shiny scrubbed home of all things lovely ? probably not . bobby meets up with grace ( jennifer lopez ) , who invites him back to her place , for drape-hanging and other domestic issues . just as those issues are starting up , grace's husband , jake , storms in , looking like check-out day of the elks lodge convention . just beats bobby silly . bobby takes to the road , only to meet up with jake again , and jake asks bobby to kill grace . a little while later , grace asks bobby to kill jake . them murderous arizonians . gotta love 'em . if any of this sounds familiar , congratulations . you win a kewpie doll . the story is a straight shoplift of red rock west , a cult favorite a few years back from john dahl , maker of the phenomenal the last seduction . but the contest doesn't end there , guys and gals . we get steals from russ meyer movies , where everybody in town is horny and sweaty . we get the town from bad day at black rock , minus the train , plus busty women who can speak . look at any schwarzenegger film , and you'll see our hero , bobby , as bobby has a mudhole stomped in his keister a dozen times , has his ribs stove in at least fifteen times , gets bit by a tarantula , gets shot at , and ends up with vultures circling overhead , all the while getting up like he just got a shaving nick . bobby as terminator ? stretch it a bit , and we have a five-finger discount from doc hollywood , where the whole story occurs because of car trouble , forcing the main character to stay at the mercy of the town and the mechanic . okay , he's working from a book , so maybe ollie's not totally to blame for blatantly copping these ideas . i just expect a man who can make up an alternative history of the united states to be able to craft a few original ideas before exposing the negative . i just wish he hadn't brought a cast like this together for what amounts to a group toe-stub . sean penn gives a great performance , and jennifer lopez and nick nolte are as on target as they can be , playing over-the-top caricatures of stereotype characters . the best thing about the movie is watching penn react to the madness around him and try to figure out exactly what the blankety-blank is going on . too bad it's not fun to watch when it's happening to us . . . while we sit through this mess of a film . u-turn is not a bad film if you're a fan of technique . it's the oliver stone you've always known . robert richardson is his usual cinematographer , and rob and ollie know how to shoot a flick -- great camera angles , shifting viewpoints , wicked colors , nice looking pictures . but pictures of what ? i think i'd rather stare at a xeroxed envelope for two hours than try to figure out the tilt-o-whirl point of this loser film . plot twists are one thing , repetition is almost unforgivable , and this is dang near as unforgivable as any movie i've seen in the past five years . oliver , i know your body of work is nothing to sniff at . you've been nice enough to limit us to only one doors movie , and films like platoon , jfk , wall street and nixon give us plenty to dig on . your scripts are certainly respectable , your budgets are up there on the screen , and your actors don't dog it . and i know that , maybe , with u-turn , you were just kicking back , just having fun . that's fine . but don't do that with a movie with the potential of this one . do some police academy sequel ( imagine that . ) do a big comedy , like a remake of it's a mad , mad , mad , mad world . but do not drop a limp u-turn out of your pocket and expect us to accept it as " an oliver stone movie , " and not question why it stinks like week-old snook . there's a right way to have fun , and a wrong way to have fun . this was as wrong as you can get without going to jail .

reflecting on " bedazzled , " a lively comedy about the devil who seeks to possess the soul of a pathetic loser , one sinful thought remains in my mind . if hell means having to spend an eternity with elizabeth hurley ( who portrays the fiery demon ) , then use that pitchfork and point me the way . with her pouty lips , irresistible british accent , and wild display of haute couture , hurley crackles with naughtiness and fills your mind with temptation . it's practically impossible to turn this beelzu-babe down . her next target is elliot ( brendan fraser ) , a tech support geek who is clumsy , awkward , and just too eager to please . to aptly picture him , you would have to remember a saturday night live skit featuring " steve the copy guy " who effortlessly irritated his co-workers with his unpolished social skills . eugene , thus , is loathed and feared by his co-workers , who do their best to stay out of his way . yet , beyond his annoying mannerisms , he's a lovable oaf . he wishes that he could get closer to allison ( frances o'connor ) , a co-worker with whom he is infatuated but who has never taken notice of him . however , the odds of him getting together with her are about the same as a snowball's chance in hell . " dear god , " he prays . " i would give anything to have that girl in my life . " guess who then shows up ? she makes an offer that is too hard to refuse . " seven utterly fabulous wishes for one piddling little soul . " there's even an escape clause . if elliot's wish doesn't go exactly the way he likes , he need only 'beep' her ( one guess as to what the three-digit number is ) and he gets to start over . the remainder of the film consists of elliot's various fantasies that incorporate his personal desire to have enormous amounts of wealth , power , fame and allison's love . but when he makes sweeping statements such as " i want to be very , very powerful and very , very rich and married to allison " , he'll soon learn that the devil is in the details . for example , ( and we've seen this several times in the trailers ) , he is granted his wish , but finds out that he's a columbian drug lord and that allison , while married to him , has her eyes on someone else . apparently , the devil is just as eager to skew his fantasies as she is to possess his soul . his other wishes also end up with some strange but funny twist that short-circuits his new life . soon , elliot wishes that he had never made that deal . given the mischievous nature of the devil , " bedazzled " has many amusing moments . a lot of the credit goes to fraser who turns in a great comic performance . he ably assumes various personas . his funniest segment is when he wishes that he could be the most sensitive man in the world . allison becomes so frustrated with him that she practically urges him to take advantage of her . hurley also heightens the humor quotient , especially in the transitional scenes when fraser waits to start his next wish after bailing out of the previous one . it's clear that she's having a good time with it all . yet , while the filmmakers work hard at creating funny scenes , they conspicuously avoid developing the allegorical underpinnings between good and evil that could have added more heft to this story . but that would be playing with fire . what they've got works , so you can easily accept it for the pleasant little comedy that it is .

let me begin by saying that this is easily the worst movie in the entire official ( and even unofficial ) james bond series . it is so full of self-parody and silly characters that you would almost believe you were watching a spoof . an omen of what is to come is provided by the pre-credits sequence , a dull affair featuring a confrontation between a man ( it's difficult to give a better description since no mention of him is made elsewhere in the movie ) and the assassin of the title . a song with woefully terrible lyrics follows , and the rest of the movie is even worse . the plot might have been a pleasant change from the usual rule-the-world so often found in the james bond movies of the 70s , but here we get a confused mismash about a fabled assassin , francisco scaramanga ( christopher lee , putting in a performance which is one of the rare saving graces of this movie ) who someone has apparently payed one million dollars to in order to remove roger moore's 007 . there is also a flimsy connection with the energy crisis and a missing solar cell with 95% efficiency . it's as much of a mess as it sounds . bond is " helped " in his task by mary goodnight ( ekland ) , whose character couldn't possibly be any closer to the stereotypical bimbo . during the course of the movie she gets locked in both a closet and a car trunk , blunders around a control room accidentally setting off a laser and serves no purpose in enhancing the plot whatsoever . maud adams ( later to star in octopussy ) is a much more stronger and useful character , but she hardly features in the movie . scaramanga's lackey is a dwarf called nik-nak , who rather fittingly is also possibly the silliest henchman in the series , serving up annoyance and weak dialogue in equal measures . worse still is an almost total lack of action throughout the whole movie . there is but one fight sequence about fifteen minutes in ( not counting a ludicrous scene where two teenage girls beat up several dozen trained martial artists -- another misguided attempt at humour ) . the solitary car chase might have been a highlight , but the " action " is interrupted on a frequent basis by a redneck sheriff ( j . w . pepper , played by clifton james of live and let die " fame " ) yelling stupid comments out of the passenger window . he is easily the most irritating character in a james bond movie . even his presence could have been made bearable by one of the most impressive car stunts in cinematic history , a 360 degree twisting loop jump over a broken bridge -- could have been , except somebody got the idea to dub a mocking whistle tone over the final print . on top of that debacle , the whole end of the film is an anticlimatic sequence in scaramanga's " funhouse " . the only good thing that came out of this movie was that the producers had to make the next film in the series ( the infinitely superior " the spy who loved me " ) a great film in order for the bond franchise to survive .

there must be some unwritten rule that states , one gets enlightenment not in the way one expects to get enlightenment but in the commitment given to seeking wisdom , even if it is a foolish road one is on and it seems to be leading nowhere . in the exotic morocco of 1972 , a 25-year-old english hippie mother , julia ( winslet ) , of two sweet young girls , the 6-year-old lucy ( carrie ) and the 8-year-old bea ( bella ) , has arrived for a year's stay , with the self-absorbed mother oblivious to how her daughters might be adjusting to this foreign experience while she is searching for a change of life from her unfaithful poet husband ( she is not officially married to him ) and her cold one-room london flat , and is sort of looking for the eternal truth in the sunny climate of marrakech . at least she says she is , as she is making some attempt to contact a sufi sheikh there who has all the answers . she has not planned things out too carefully , having no money , and the trip doesn't seem like it's much fun , more like a misadventure , with some romance with a local moroccan thrown in . drugs , a world-wide youthful phenomena during this period , where many westerners came to morocco to smoke the good hashish found there and to live the 'good life' cheaply , and to be in a spot where they did not have to worry about being hassled by the local authorities , even though drugs are illegal there . but this is not shown as one of her reasons for being here . in this film , the subject of drugs is never broached , only hinted at in an off-handed but slurring way , as the hippie commune is shown in a negative light , strumming on their guitars and bragging about the hits of acid they have taken . even the ones coming here for spiritual reasons , to follow the mystical sufis , seem lost following a culture that is far different from where they were coming from . the film is based on the novel that contained the autobiographical experiences of sigmund freud's grand-daughter , esther freud , who traveled here in the 1960s with her mother and sister . it is written by the director's brother , who has previously directed regeneration , the playboys , and trojan eddie . the title of the film comes from the squealing giggles that saying hideous kinky gives the little girls . with julia strapped for cash and not receiving a needed check her husband often forgets to send her , she is prevented from seeing the greatest living sufi who is located in algeria ; so instead , she meets an acrobat street performer in the bazaar , bilal ( said taghmaoui ) . he becomes her lover , taking the place of her husband as a father figure for the girls . the girls readily accept him , and there is no big-to-do made about their openly sexual relationship , but the girls really don't know what to make of the relationship . it especially bothers bea , who is embarrassed by her mother's loose attitude and wants to go home . things go surprisingly sour when bilal takes them to stay in his small village . it seems only that bilal's charm is matched by his shiftlessness , as he has a wife who still lives there . this scene didn't make too much sense as to why he would take them there knowing the situation , unless the uneducated man was totally uneducated in the customs of his people , also . but i doubt that . the family is now stuck without money in a backward area trying to decide what to do next , as they hitch a ride away from there with a truck driver who nearly kills them when he falls asleep by the wheel . lucy takes it all in stride and has a good disposition for travel , while bea just wants to go to a school and learn something and be a 'normal' girl . the beauty of marrakech is matched by the terrific performance of kate winslet , as the film accurately encapsulates the timeless city and its bustling street scenes , expansive views , illustrious mosques , and grand sunsets . kate enacts the feel of what it was like to be a westerner , living out the countercultural experiences while awaiting to gather her sensibilities again and was fortunate enough to be able to go home the better off for her experiences , as many a drop-out reluctantly had to do after their stay ran out of money and purpose . the background music from groups like america and jefferson airplane , provided further nostalgia for this easy to look at and easy to grasp film . the only hope was that the two innocent girls would not be permanently harmed while on this sojourn , a venture that should be reserved only for those of college age or older who choose to go there for themselves . the family's travel , which is on the edge , has julia waking up screaming from dreams that are bleakly haunting ; but , when she gets up , all there is , is this splendid emptiness all around her and a vacuous life that is starting to bother her . that marrakech is disarmingly gorgeous and that london is old hat to her , is starting to wear thin in her thoughts . it will dawn on her , when bea takes ill , as she reflects on what the sufi guru tells her , whom she finally meets and is driven to tears in his presence . he is the guru who replaced the one she wanted to see but who died before she got a chance to see him . the new guru is grounded in reality , something she is not grounded in , and seems to tell her what she couldn't comprehend from anyone else , even comforting her , by telling her that her tears are memories- a gift from god . the film's weakness was the empty feeling i got from watching the story unfold in its risk free tenor ( she was there basically to be just escaping from her situation ) and how unappealing the love affair seemed between bilal and julia . the storyline about a helpless single parent , detracted from the vibrant experiences many others of her same baby-boom generation had during their trip to morocco , who were taken in by the mystical culture of sufism , a teaching that has a lot to offer its followers , contrary to the impression the film might give , seemed to pass her by . her knowledge of that trip is only surface deep , at best . she perhaps would have been better off not taking the kids along , smoking some hashish , and have been less assured of herself but to have behaved more like a hippie and she wouldn't have been so uptight all the time and had some fun on her journey . after all , the mystical trip is the journey . the film's strength is in how all the characters are shown for what they are , and no one is that good or that bad , or judged too harshly for their shortcomings . bilal is unreliable but is capable of generosity . the little girls are precocious but they are lovable . julia , the cornerstone the film is built on , is a mother who cares about the children but doesn't know how to take care of them without unintentionally harming them . she was trying to escape from reality and that by returning to london , she has another chance to see if she can find the key to this world or whatever world she is looking for and should no longer have nightmares about where she's at . this is a very freudian way to look at things , as this sudden realization , that things are not right puts an an end to her eastern hippie odyssey , at least , for the time being . and , after all is said and done , who's to say if the children are also not better off for surviving their experiences , just like she probably was !

an affluent horse breeder's past comes up to haunt him ; an ages old cover-up and blackmail comes back to haunt him at the hands of one of his accomplices . that's pretty much the essence of the movie and i have to say that it becomes quite boring at times and is very slow . that aside the story was well presented and probably quite close and representative of its source . the acting in particular i found very good , the character development was also quite interesting but alas the story simply did not hold my interest enough for me to get into the movie . a few things about the story didn't sit very well with me for example the original scam and cover-up heavily involved the character played by sharon stone , yet in the end her character played a relatively small role and it seems she should have been utilized more to further the story along better . on the flip side the character played by catherine keener i found to be very interesting and i thought that it was developed very well and helped the story a lot . the character's aside this movie had some interesting merits but in the end it lacked in story and pacing . as far as the acting and casting for this movie is concerned i have to say that the choices of nick nolte and jeff bridges were great as well as that of catherine keener . all these people acted their parts admirably , as for the part that sharon stone played , she played it well but the part was not utilized enough . the directing for this movie is something that i have to comment on because for once in a long while you see a director actually add a very distinctive flavor to a movie , this is one of those occasions . matthew warchus in my opinion added an interesting touch and spin to the movie and i think he tackled a touch subject ( i myself wouldn't be able to look at horseracing and make a movie out of it ) . there is a certain flavor about this movie and i think that the direction of the movie is the reason for this . the one flaw that i do have to comment on is the pacing , the subject matter in my opinion wasn't interesting enough on its own to have this kind of flavoring and directorial touch about it . i certainly hope that the director makes more movies as this does show promise even if i myself don't like it . all in all i found this movie boring and very slow , the acting was good but the story just didn't evolve enough and wasn't captivating enough to make simpatico an enjoyable movie to watch . although there is much going for the movie i didn't find it good even though i see the merits and style used and can compliment the movie on them . i wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone but if you are a horse fanatic or a racing fanatic then you will most likely enjoy this movie .

those of you who frequently read my reviews are not likely to be surprised by the fact that i have not read victor hugo's novel les miserables . i don't know if a lot of people have , though i imagine many are familiar with the popular musical based on the novel . i haven't even seen that . going into this film , i had almost no knowledge of the story or its characters ( i even expected the film to be a musical ) . walking away from it , i'm kind of glad i had no prior experience with the material . writer/director bille august's film version is a straightforward , beautifully told film . liam neeson stars as the miserable jean valjean ; in the beginning , he has just been released from a 19-year prison sentence . he is allowed to stay in a convent by a kindly priest despite his rude and destructive behavior . the priest's words of wisdom influence him , and he makes a vow to change himself . nine years later , we are informed that he is now the mayor of a town called vigo ; nobody knows his real name , and that he is wanted for skipping his parole nine years ago . conflicts arise when inspector javert ( geoffrey rush ) is assigned to vigo . valjean remembers javert as one of the prison guards who constantly beat him , and javert remembers jean to be a convict . javert is hell-bent on upholding the law , and he does everything in his power to bring jean to justice . along the way , valjean meets and falls in love with a peasant woman , fantine ( uma thurman ) , and vows to take care of her daughter , cosette ( played later by claire danes ) . les miserables is visually a solid and often striking picture . the production design by anna asp is authentic and vast , and the sets don't look like sets ( they look like real towns and villages ) ; gabriella pescucci's costumes are noticeably spectacular . basil poledouris' soundtrack is thick and usually well-placed ( though it does get a bit heavy at times ) . many scenes in the film have a memorable photographic quality , such as the climax , which takes place next to a dark river in the grey obscurity of early evening . augusts keeps the story simple ( which i hear is a good thing , since the novel is so complex ) and easy to follow . he manages to develop the main characters and most of the subplots adequately . i was also impressed that he didn't go overboard with flash and style , which is something so many directors seem to be doing to classic stories these days ( such as baz luhrmann's vicious tragedy william shakespeare's romeo + juliet ) . this film feels solid and whole , and each scene has a certain amount of importance and vigor that keeps the audience interested . liam neeson is terrific in the main role ; neeson is the kind of actor who does solemn desperation extremely well , and valjean is certainly a man who clearly fits that adjective . thurman , in her small role , is very good , and proves that she has a lot of range and can perform in a very non-glamorous role such as this one . rush is absolutely incredible as javert ; i don't remember ever feeling so strongly about a villain as i do here ; he adds depth and complexity with subtle glances and nuances , and effortlessly makes each of his scenes intense . i can't be as charitable for danes , however ; though i know she is a talented actress , here she tends to overact when it might have been better to underplay the character a bit . les miserables is , as i've said , a solid , intelligent motion picture . my only complaint is that it feels a bit too easy , and perhaps too staged . each scene is grand and huge , and exploding with poledouris' score , but i didn't always want them to be . for the most part , les miserables is not a subtle or deep picture . it's a good movie , and tells its story well , but august tends to hand-feed us themes and scenes that would have worked better had they been more subtle . however , in a film this exciting and well-produced , a few minor flaws are easily overlooked .

mighty joe young blunders about for nearly twenty minutes before we actually get to see a great big gorilla . his entrance , however , is a grand one : out from the trees he leaps , gargantuan and imposing , sporting hands big enough to crush a volkswagen bug , and a pair of feet much larger than any pro basketball player will ever have . joe bellows at the poachers before him , angry that they would like to kill him and sell him for millions of dollars . during this scene , i turned to my friend and said , " wow . that's some ape . " joe is quite a gorilla -- a big , digital gorilla . he runs around the fields , chasing cars and people . he picks things up and stares at them pensively . he breaks things on accident , because he's just too big to avoid clumsiness . joe , as a special effect , is an image that might hold your interest for five minutes . as a character , he doesn't quite register . and the story he's been put in is as limp as they come . the words " family entertainment " have never been a stamp of quality , but might joe young is just a silly special effects movie pretending to have a heart . the picture is a remake of the 1949 film . it's mostly just about the big gorilla , but , strictly as a formality , the movie also has a few human characters . the main one is jill young ( poor charlize theron , forced to waste her talent ) , a lover of gorillas . as a child , she witnessed a group of poachers murder her mother ; now , she lives in the jungle to protect the wildlife . specifically , she's out to protect joe , a giant gorilla who has been her friend since her childhood . soon , zoologist gregg o'hara ( bill paxton ) discovers joe ; he quickly realizes that poachers want to get joe and sell him to a big game hunter named strasser ( rade sherbedgia ) , who just happens to be the same guy who killed jill's mother . so , in an effort to save joe , jill and gregg take the big gorilla to a preserve , where it is instantly clear that he is not safe from poachers . in addition , the space is way too small for him ( after all , he is a really big gorilla ) . and , to add to the complications , strasser shows up under a benevolent pretext ( he tells jill that he has a preserve big enough for joe ) , and joe recognizes strasser as the guy who killed jill's mother . jill , of course , doesn't recognize strasser , even though he did kill her mother . this is just one of the many examples of stupidity in mighty joe young , a film that fulfills every stereotype that comes with a special effects film . the movie isn't really offensive -- it has some competent actors , a few nifty sets , and a lot of scenes with a big , digitized gorilla . but the story is really dumb , there aren't any characters , and the film isn't satisfying on any level beyond its visuals . the movie also has bad dialogue . if a critic says that a film has bad dialogue , it's only fair to quote some of it , but most of the words spoken in this picture are phrases like " joe isn't happy ! " and " joe isn't safe here ! " " we need to get joe out of here ! " " joe is way too big for that cage ! " i don't know if these phrases are word for word , but they're close . as i said , the characters here are only present as a formality : they do little more than state the obvious ( of * course * joe is too big for that cage ) . paxton and theron are talented performers who deserve to work on a script that provides characters for them . sadly , mighty joe young wastes them both . there are a few clever moments ( although none of them are surfacing in my memory at the moment ) , and , as i said , the digital effects held my attention for at least five minutes . it's certainly not a bad film for kids ; i doubt joe will give them nightmares . but adults in the audience aren't likely to find much of anything interesting about the big gorilla . a big gorilla is only interesting for a little while ; after that , something needs to be done with the big gorilla . nobody ever figures out what to do with the big gorilla .

man , this was one wierd movie . similar to conspiracy theory in that it couldn't decide which genre it is . the first hour is your standard stock aliens clone , which nicely created an eerie atmosphere about the ship . the last half hour ? this was when the makers blew the script out the airlock and just decided - " screw it , let's just kill everybody " . from then on - forget sci-fi . . . this movie becomes 100% horror . what really dissappointed me about this movie was that it tried to scare you in entirely the wrong way . instead of using clever tricks or trying to build up to a scare - this movie just uses loud noises , sudden camera shifts and short quick bursts of gore . . . . . yawn . . . . everyone's seen it all before and knows when to expect it . the one thing that was done well was the lead up to finding out about what happened to the previous crew . there are skeletons lying around mangled and mashed , but what did this ? then finally after being painfully restored - the new crew views the video . the acting isn't too bad at all . . . . . considering what the actors had to work with anyway , as there is no complex or interesting dialogue to speak of . there was some very nice camerawork in certain sequences though , like when the hull near the bridge of the event horizon is breached and the camera pans back to follow specific objects as they bounce across the deck and are sucked out into space . this movie could have been so much better . it had a good experienced cast who deserved more to work with . there was just nothing new here that any of us haven't seen before in aliens or hellraiser .

tomb raider . fun ? exciting ? challenging ? given the unprecedented popularity ( especially among teenage boys ) of the video game that sports an uber-buff , pistol packin' babe who raids , well . . . tombs , you have to believe it's these three things and more ! " lara croft : tomb raider , " the big screen variant of said video game , which features a pumped-up angelina jolie ( the oscar ? winner for " girl , interrupted " no less ) in the title role is , however , none of these things . it isn't fun , it isn't exciting , and the only challenge is seeing how long you can stay in your seat ( i suffered through to the bitter , bitter end ; the wife opted for barnes & noble at the 45-minute mark ) . directed by simon west with the same subtlety he brought to " con air , " " tomb raider " is an empty-headed , big budget bore . the story borrows unintelligently from that mother of all turkeys " hudson hawk " ( the same hokum about planetary alignments and sacred stones that , when brought together , well . . . who the heck cares ? ) and it makes " super mario bros . " ( bob hoskins' ill-advised career move ) look like " rocco and his brothers " ( that classic of italian neo-realism ) . i'll go out on a limb here and say i suspect there's actually more character development in the video game than the movie proper . this is where the jolie defenders/video game nuts jump in and say this movie isn't about character development it's about kicking serious butt ( or bum , since ms . croft hails from england's green and pleasant ) . with lips , breasts , and biceps all inflated to the max , lara croft is all about posturing , and jolie has a hard time simply standing still without trying to look tough . ok , let's forget challenging . shouldn't " tomb raider " be , at the very least , fun and exciting ? shouldn't our butt-kicking heroine also encompass the sophistication of , say , james bond with the wit of indiana jones ? there's no humor to be found anywhere in " tomb raider , " even though it tries hard from time to time . even " the mummy returns " didn't take itself too seriously . the villain here is noticeably lacking , the special effects are ridiculously overblown and unnecessarily complicated , and the script is non-existent . to liven things up ( perhaps ) , jolie's live father jon voight puts in a few minutes as lara's dead father lord croft ; talk about a stretch . one thing i hadn't expected from the film is that jolie affects a slightly better english accent than her pa ( although i suspect that thin-looking moustache he's forced to wear gets in the way some ) . unsuccessful ? not entirely . if anything , " lara croft : tomb raider " makes you want to check out the video game itself to figure out exactly what all the fuss was about .

bob the happy bastard's quickie review : the mummy brendan fraser's stuck in the past again , but at least this time he has something better to do than to quote sitcom lines and try to woo alicia silverstone . . . fraser is the lead star of the mummy , the second directorial effort from action director stephen sommers ( who also brought us the decent thrill ride that was deep rising ) . it's a rough adaptation of the 1932 film , and i say rough because it focuses more on special effects than on some guy in bandages , like boris karloff was engulfed in . but who cares , the movie has a sort of swashbuckling quality to it you can't get from , oh , say , godzilla or armageddon . fraser plays a soldier who gets a premonition during a battle with soldiers in an egyptian ground . basically , it's a little sign from the mummy buried underneath- a priest named ihmoetep who was buried alive for taking part of murdering the king and making out with his mistress . his plan- wake back up and wake her up also , making him invincible . of course , fraser returns to the site years later with a librarian ( rachel weisz ) and her brother ( john hanna ) , along with a former buddy of his ( deep rising's kevin j . o'connor ) and some " americans " . . . and guess what ? yup , ihmoetep ( arnold vosloo ) awakens and wreaks havoc . fire flies from the sky , flesh-eating beetles crawl about , and , well , ihmoetep's plan begins to unfold . ok , so it's not really all that new a story , but the way sommers tells it is entertaining enough . the special effects from industrial light and magic are top notch , and the acting from fraser and weisz isn't half bad either . the action is pretty intense ( favorite scene : the sandstorm ) and there are a few shocking scenes just to jolt you horror-loving folks as well . no , it's no phantom menace beater , but if you're looking for a solid warm-up to the summer movie season , you won't find a better film under wraps than the mummy . if this doesn't give fraser forgiveness from blast from the past and encino man , then nothing will .

terrence malick made an excellent 90 minute film adaptation of james jones' world war ii novel . unfortunately , he buried it within an overlong and overreaching 3-hour long pseudo-epic . this is a shame because the film features an outstanding performance by nick nolte . the best scene is when nick nolte's character , lt . col . tall , is forced to deal with the direct refusal by capt . staros ( elias koteas ) to execute an order . nolte's reaction and transformation may be the best work of his career . had terrence malick concentrated on the great performances of nolte and koteas as well as those by sean penn , woody harrelson , and john cusack , he could have made a truly great film . instead , malick saddled the film with plodding pacing , unnecessary flashbacks , and a voice-over narration all designed to telegraph the great philosophical underpinnings of the story . the narration was especially annoying as much of it sounded like very bad high school poetry . with a lot of editing , the core story could be transformed into a truly classic war film . hopefully , the dvd version of this film will feature options to suppress the narration , and perhaps will even provide for an alternate , shorter version of the film . i give this film .

" varsity blues " is the best film of 1999 thus far . unfortunately , it is also the first film i have seen from 1999 . it is another one of those small-town sports movies that involves a flawed , but good-heartedfrom 1999 . it is another one of those small-town sports movies that involves a flawed , but good-hearted protagonist ; a rough and meanspirited coach ; and the " big game . " by the end , will the underdog overcome great odds and triumph ? will everyone in the town turn against the coach ? will the team win the climactic game ? do cats bathe themselves regularly ? the so-called " hero " in question is john moxin ( james van der beek ) , a senior at west canaan high school who plays for the varsity football team , but is really just hoping to get a scholarship at brown university so that he can get out of the dead-end town . at least he's got the right idea , since west canaan , texas is portrayed in the film as , frankly , pathetic , with the whole town treating the weekly football games as the second coming . heck , in one scene , the front page of the town's newspaper is proclaiming about the west canaan badgers' big win the night before . when the team's star quarterback is severely injured , tearing the ligaments in his leg , john finds himself taking over as the team's leader , but his few minutes of glory do not last long , as he begins to have problems with his girlfriend ( amy smart ) when she discovers he spent an evening with another girl ( ali larter ) . and after staying out all night with his drinking buddies at a strip joint ( all of the teenagers in the film are portrayed as raging alcoholics ) , the team loses their second-to-last game , putting john at feuds with the coach ( jon voight who , like gary oldman , is overstaying his welcome in the typecasted role as the " bad guy " ) . worse yet , the coach is threatening to ruin john's scholarship chances if the badgers don't win their final game . the plotting of " varsity blues " is as old as the hills , and contains every cliche in the book . admittedly , i was never exactly bored while i was watching it , but i hasten to add that i was rarely ever entertained . throughout , all i could really think of is how virtually the same exact story had been filmed with a great deal more thoughtfulness and maturity in 1983's " all the right moves . " one of the biggest problems i had with the film is how little of interest any of the characters actually were , least of all certainly not john , who , played by van der beek ( of tv's " dawson's creek " ) , is pretty much a bore without any engaging qualities . while i probably shouldn't blame this on van der beek , since the inauspicious and " by-the-numbers " screenplay by w . peter iliff isn't of any help , he is still certainly not in the league of tom cruise in " all the right moves . " the story revolving around john , meanwhile , is extemely thin throughout , particularly for its 104-minute running time , and it alternates between uninspired comic relief ( as in when the students see their sex education teacher working as a stripper at the club ) and heavy-handed melodrama . the romance between john and his girlfriend had the potential to be an adequate subplot , but we also learned very little about her , which is unfortunate since amy smart , whom i don't think i've seen before in past films , is probably the only character written with any sort of intelligence . smart does not allow her character to become the " passive girlfriend , " instead coming off as a young woman with her own ideas and opinions . it's too bad the camera didn't linger on her long enough so we could hear some of those thoughts . the adult characters probably fare the worse of any , since they all must play residents of a dim-witted town that cares about nothing but football . john's relationship with his parents can also be telegraphed far in advance . his father is set on him becoming a football player at a university , but john doesn't want any part of that . his mother stands beside her " big , strong husband " and is a passive female . finally , jon voight plays the stock bully coach character and he does nothing to make the thankless role any more than one-dimensional . saving " varsity blues " from being a total washout are a few amusing sequences , including one set in the sex education class , which did get a laugh out of me . the scenes of playing football were well-shot and thankfully didn't overstay their welcome , as many sports films fall victim to . but leaving the theater , the question i had in my mind was why did this film need to be made ? i seem to be asking this question quite a lot lately , since the same old stories seem to be cranking out of hollywood . do we really need another high-school sports film ? no , we don't , and certainly not one of this low-caliber , which felt like a cut-and-paste job of spare parts from much better , but similar , films . " varsity blues , " no doubt is the first one , however , to include an earnest scene in which one of the characters is only wearing whipped cream on their private parts .

a suave , cool , collected , rich , uptight bad guy = cliche . a clumsy criminal oaf to add to the laughs = cliche . a bad guy who owns a wild animal = cliche . a crooked , chauvinistic law enforcer type = cliche . at an intense moment , our main character tries to get away , but the car has trouble starting = cliche . complaining about cliches = cliche . ok , ok . so we always hear about cliches . but if there was ever to be a prime example , the real mccoy is it ! not one uttered word , not one frame of film , not one character in this whole movie isn't a cut and paste example of everything we've ever seen . they might as well use this as a training film : " how to make a bank robbery film in the 90's " . karen mccoy ( kim basinger ) is a bank robber who just got out on parole after a six-year stay at the state prison . she wants to make things right and go straight , especially with the fact that she has a six-year old son out there who doesn't even know she's alive . aware of mccoy's bank robbing expertise , sniveling bad guy jack schmidt ( terence stamp ) uses the same six-year old to coerce mccoy into returning to her past . he wants mccoy to pull off an elaborate heist of 18+ million dollars at the same bank she got caught trying to rob six years earlier , which , by the way , is somehow due to schmidt . and if she refuses ? who knows what he'll do to the kid . ( cue sinister laughter ) this movie is so pathetically pitiful that it's hard to know where to begin . the aforementioned cliches are brutally abundant . i can't stress enough how every single element , whether it be a character , the dialogue , a plot " twist " , etc . , is so damn generic that you'll wonder if * anyone * is working behind the scenes , let alone in front of the camera . basinger is absolutely vacant . and where do they get off trying to make us emotionally attached to her ? here's someone that spent their time robbing banks , and now as she heads onto the street , we're supposed to feel sorry for her . as she confronts her son , who doesn't even know who she is , are we supposed to break into tears ? ? especially when neither basinger nor zach english , who plays the kid , has any depth or emotional-radiance whatsoever . i suppose i should mention val kilmer . yeah , that's right - he's in it ! quite sadly too , seeing as how i can discuss everything about the movie and never mention his name . and he got second billing ! to be fair , i will admit that kilmer had potential in his role as the bumbling criminal wannabe j . t . barker . unfortunately the script doesn't allow much room for improvement , and when his character is used like bookends ( he never shows up in the middle of the film ! ) , we have no time to appreciate what he might have brought to this project . the real mccoy just can't keep it's head above water , and soon , * very * soon , sinks into a cliched mess of movie . the actors are like dummies being moved about by an unenthusiastic puppeteer , and the dialogue , particularly schmidt's trite dialogue , falls like the niagra . this is definitely one to avoid , folks . the real mccoy is anything but !

after having heard so many critics describe " return to me " as an old-fashioned hollywood romance , i kept asking myself going into this movie : what exactly is an old-fashioned hollywood romance ? what made " return to me " old-fashioned and old-hollywood ? was it the tunes from sinatra , etc . , legendary singers the senior citizens in the film constantly harp on ? was it the glamorous , sophisticated feel ? the charisma of the two leads ? even now i can't say that i have gotten any closer to the real answer , because i haven't see that many old-fashioned hollywood romances . i don't think any of the romances i've seen have been classified as such . which leaves me the option of vaguely agreeing with my fellow critics -- " return to me " was old-fashioned in the sense that it reminded me of the way the younger generation perceive venerated old hollywood magic , the way i perceive cinnamon spice and apple cider . it was traditional , magical . we knew it couldn't be too daring , or have any surprising plot twists that many cynical modern romances are apt to throw in . it was a romance told with such endearing simplicity , tenderness , and love ( from director bonnie hunt ) that it couldn't help but sparkle with charm despite its shortcomings . the film owes a lot of what it has to bonnie hunt's direction . from the very first bird's eye view of chicago , zooming in slowly toward the insignificant bob rueland ( david duchovny ) , accompanied by the " return to me " ballad ( by whom ? ) , we can tell we're in for something sweet . the scenes between the characters are endearing , truthful , with just a hint of fantasy . real people don't act that way ; real people aren't that nice . we know all this , and yet we want to believe in these folks' existence . the premise itself seems to have sprung out of a fairytale , but hunt's rooting the fairytale in common chicago folk simultaneously lends credit to the scenario and tinges everyday urban life with a hint of the ethereal . everything is ordinary--yet beautiful--in this film . >from the festive little family restaurant to grace ( minnie driver ) and bob's wardrobes . from the eloquent , not-in-a-hurry to progress storyline to the dainty watercolors that grace paints . from the animal stars to the way all the characters interact on screen -- the most beautiful part . " return to me " has done an excellent job of assembling together a group of actors who blend in effortlessly as a family : the audience has no trouble at all believing that this rambunctious family actually does exist . we care for them , laugh with them , cry with them ; we're concerned that the little boy will pick up cursing from his father . whatever hunt did , she brought out the naturalism in all of the actors . disappointingly , david alan grier's charlie , however much i like him , was the most flatly-written . duchovny here does a laudable job of shaking off his fox mulder persona -- with the help of his fellow co-stars rarely do we see any hint of special agent fox mulder . instead we have a normal guy who when he falls in love shows more delight than fox mulder will show over the span of an entire season of " the x-files . " duchovny , who is excellent at understatement and self-deprecation as an actor showcases his considerable comedic talent on screen . minnie driver is engaging as always as the sweet , innocent grace with nothing but a good heart to offer . though an unlikely pair , duchovny and driver gradually warm up to each other as the movie progresses . while " return to me " functions remarkably as a laugh-out-loud comedy , a romantic scenic tour through chicago , and a tearjerker , the story is set up so the film ends up having nowhere to develop . the entire climax of the film hinges on when and how grace is going to tell bob that she actually was the recipient of his wife's heart . we already know that there's going to be a happy ending ; we feel like we spend the entire film , however enjoyably , in a straight line going towards that point . as a result bob and grace click almost too quickly--yes , i know she's supposed to have his ex-wife's heart and everything--it seems too effortless . the main subject is a love story , and the family scenes i love so much unfortunately are overused and distract from the turmoil of the two main characters ( whose story might not have that much meat after all ) . however , in the spirit of " return to me , " it won't do to be too picky about how " old " hollywood tells its stories . i loved knowing that this was a labor of love for bonnie hunt . it shows . the bottom line : " return to me " is nothing remarkable , and yet its sweetness , sincerity , and charm might touch your heart in ways that you hadn't imagined .

hollywood has really done the whole dracula thing to death ( no pun intended - honest ) . it's a shame , too , because the good count was probably the most frightening out the old b-movie monsters . i mean , come on . are people really going to get that scared over a big green guy named frankenstein that moves at a speed of five miles per hour ? hell no . and not only was the idea of a vampire frightening as hell , but it also carried with it a kind of sensual feeling as well , not commonly associated with horror films . and not only has the idea been done too many times , but with the possible exception of from dusk 'till dawn , has not been done very well lately , either . this is precisely why it was so much fun for me watching the original nosferatu . i got to go back to the times when making movies ( even horror movies ) was considered an art form , and not just done to make cash like nowadays . and that is exactly what this film is ; art . i've been a horror fan since i was eight years old , and to this day i have not seen any horror film cover the intellectual ground that this film covers . let me backtrack a minute . when i say " intellectual ground " , i don't mean that nosferatu tackles philosophical questions or anything like that , i just mean that in order for the film to work the way it was intended to , a little bit of thinking is involved . with most modern slasher movies like friday the 13th and what-not , you can just simply sit back in your chair and be frightened by the gore that is shown . those movies could have been made by a fifth grader with a good makeup kit ; movies like this require the viewer to actually pay attention and ponder what is happening on the screen . you see , this movie has barely any violence in it and even less blood or gore . this is a thinking man's slasher flick . the " nosferatu " of the title is orlock ( max shreck ) , a strange , hermit-like count that , as the film opens , is looking for a new home to buy . he employs the help of hutter ( gustav von wangenhein ) , a real estate salesman ( or something to that effect ) who has a nice home and even a fiancee named ellen ( greta schroeder ) . upon orders from his boss , hutter treks to the transylvanian mountains to visit orlock's castle and speak to him about his new home ( which just happens to be right next door to hutter's ) . the next morning , he wakes up to find teeth marks on his neck . . . not really a good sign . he then discovers through some reading that the count is a " nosferatu " , or vampire , one of the undead that feeds off the blood of living humans . but by the time he pieces this together , he is too late ; orlock has already embarked to hutter's hometown via boat . will hutter reach his destination in time to save his fiancee from the deadly clutches of count orlock ? the character of orlock is , of course , dracula . the only only reason his name was changed was because this was an unauthorized account of bram strocker's novel . just thought that was an interesting little side note . . . probably the only way you will get to see this fine film is by purchasing a copy of arrow entertainment's digitally restored cut , now available in stores . however , this version is quite different than maunau's original masterpiece . the movie is now sporting a new soundtrack by band type o-negative and color tinting , much like the 1984 version of lang's metropolis . now , i really appreciate what arrow entertainment is trying to do here , bringing a classic like this to the attention of a wider audience that might have otherwise just skipped this one . but alas , i like watching movies the way they were originally intended to be seen . but that's just my bag ; you may like the newer , more " modern " version better . either way , i suggest investing your money in a copy . if you like what they have done with it , pop it in the vcr and enjoy . if you're like me , just do what i'll do during future viewings ; turn the color all the way down on your television , hit mute , turn on some bach or mozart or whatever , dim the lights and prepare to view what is truly one of the greatest films ever made .

playwright tom stoppard and screenwriter marc norman took on an astonishingly difficult task : they wanted to write a script about william shakespeare that parallels shakespeare's works . they also wanted to poke fun at the way all of us envision shakespeare : i mean , really , who doesn't think of shakespeare as a guy seething with so much passion that he can barely write a play without exploding into a passionate , introspective verbal couplet of iambic pentameter ? stoppard and norman are men who love shakespeare , and they wanted to make a movie for everyone else who loves shakespeare . and , despite the difficulty of their task , they have succeeded . shakespeare in love is one of the smartest , funniest , most touching films of the year . it's so rare that a picture with such high aspirations succeeds in all of its endeavors , but here we have a movie that defines success : it is at once charmingly acted and flawlessly written . it could have been a smug , self-important movie that panders to die-hard shakespeare fans , but the appeal of this film is almost universal : if you've ever read a play by shakespeare , or know anything about his life , it's likely that you'll find grand entertainment in shakespeare in love . joseph fiennes , brother of ralph , stars as shakespeare himself ; he's a delightful , irresistible lad , concerned mostly with women and detached from life's more serious problems ( debt , plague , etc . ) . he's commissioned to write plays for various people : queen elizabeth ( judi dench ) wants comedies , while local slimeball philip henslowe ( geoffrey rush ) needs him to write a play so that he can pay off his debts to hugh fennymann ( tom wilkinson ) . shakespeare , however , has trouble focusing on his work . he begins work on a comedy about a boy named romeo and a girl named ethel . this all changes , however , when he meets viola de lesseps ( a radiant gwyneth paltrow ) , a young heiress set to marry the financially-oriented lord wessex ( colin firth ) . shakespeare instantly falls in love with her ; he first meets her when she pretends to be a man to try out for the part of romeo . he discovers her identity and confronts her later ; she , of course , falls in love with him , although their love is doomed because she absolutely must marry the tyrannical lord wessex . but she continues to act because she loves shakespeare's writing so much , and soon the production ( which later becomes romeo and juliet ) is set to be performed . shakespeare in love is an amazingly good film , not because it works as great entertainment , but because it pays attention to detail and knows its subject matter . i was instantly won over by joseph fiennes in the lead role : he has such searing optimism and energy ; he's clearly a man who admires shakespeare , and even in the shortcomings that he gives his character ( inability to turn away from women , attention deficit disorder ) , we sense a great deal of affection and care . he practically overflows with passion in every scene . fiennes is matched by paltrow ( whose english accent is so good that wonder where she actually comes from ) ; she is an actress who exudes strength and conviction in every performance i've seen her in . the two performers work perfectly together , taking the passionate scenes as far as possible without making them melodramatic , and wringing the comedic scenes for every conceivable laugh . of course , it doesn't hurt that they have a masterful script to work with . stoppard , whose play rozencrantz and guildenstern are dead inspired an interesting film , is full of dry wit and boundless understated humor ( all of his plays have similarly dry humor ) . the first intelligent step stoppard and norman took was harmonizing the events of the film with romeo and juliet . one of the funniest scenes in the film is an imitation of the famous terrace scene from the play ; in the movie , shakespeare is bumbling about while viola is trying to fend off her nurse maid . director john madden does a fantastic job dabbling in slapstick humor -- scenes like these would have seemed obtuse in the hands of a lesser director . i'm going to have to see the movie again ; i'm certain there are numerous references that i missed . in fact , i doubt it's possible to gather everything with just one viewing . stoppard is a master of detail : you'll notice familiar lines placed throughout the film , not as lines of a play , but as dialogue , suggesting that shakespeare simply spoke like that all the time . there's also a brilliant running joke in which shakespeare is in constant competition with christopher marlowe ( and the fact that marlowe is played by the openly-homosexual rupert everett is a joke in of itself ) , proposing a slightly twisted explanation to marlowe's mysterious death in a pub . there's also a scene featuring a wide-eyed dog that is so funny that i hurt myself laughing . " there's no dog in this play ? " " no ! no dog ! " the ensemble cast is perhaps the strongest this year . geoffrey rush is nearly unrecognizable as the detestable henslowe ; wilkinson is also hard to recognize , but has a great role as a thug who takes his part as the apothecary so seriously . ben affleck , playing one of the actors in the company , shows great range , both in his accent ( his is almost as good as paltrow's ) and in humor ( he has some of the best one-liners in the movie ) . colin firth , always stuck playing the sap , does a good job being hateful . judi dench , however , has the best supporting performance as queen elizabeth : rarely has so much depth been conveyed in so few words . my single , minor complaint about shakespeare in love is that i feel like i could have been more moved by the end . the story is moving , but there are a few missed opportunities in the final scenes . but my quibbling is not important . what is important is that i acknowledge the quality of this picture , the sheer skill with which it has been written , acted , and produced . shakespeare in love tries so many things , and nails every one of them : it's a film that both loves shakespeare and makes fun of him , a film in which the actors , writers , and director are all perfectly in sync . it's also a movie that has the potential to introduce a lot of people to shakespeare's work in a positive way , without seeming condescending or superior . i admire this film not only because it passes so pleasantly , but because it has lofty aspirations and succeeds in them . not just any film can poke fun at shakespeare and get away with it .

libby parsons ( ashley judd ) has the perfect little life -- a rich husband , a cute son , and a house on the ocean -- but when her husband nick ( bruce greenwood ) takes her sailing , she awakes to find him gone and her hands covered with blood . just as she makes it to the deck and picks up the bloody knife lying there , the coast guard arrives in response to a distress call her vanished husband sent . she's convicted of his murder , of course , and leaves her son matty ( benjamin weir ) with her best friend ( annabeth gish ) . time passes , and the friend disappears with matty . during their last phone conversation libby hears matty yell " daddy ! " and realizes that her husband is still alive . libby serves six years , growing harder and driven by the desire to kill nick ( based on the theory that because of the " double jeopardy " amendment she can off him with impunity ) . when she gets parole , she's sent to a halfway house run by travis lehman ( tommy lee jones ) , a former law professor who ruined his life with a drunk driving accident . after a little breaking and entering and some destruction of property , libby jumps parole and lams it across the country looking for nick and matty . travis pursues , naturally . " double jeopardy " is a watered-down version of " the fugitive , " with jones sleep-walking through his well-worn pursuer persona . although libby never leaps from a bus that collides with a train , she manages to get into a few nail-biters -- chased down the beach by a jeep , chained to a car that plunges into the ocean , sealed in a coffin -- that add some much needed thrills to an anemic , slow-moving script . character development is thin . travis' intriguing backstory is mentioned a couple times but has no effect on the story . ( i think they only made him a former law professor so that he could verify the double-jeopardy theory when libby gets the drop on nick . it's a long way to go for one line ) . there's considerable sexual tension between travis and libby ( hey , there's something " the fugitive " didn't have ! ) , but it never goes anywhere . libby is a tv-movie everywoman , but judd's intense performance draws us in and makes us forget that her character has no distinguishing characteristics . this is judd's most prominent role to date , and she proves that she can light up the screen . let's hope hollywood gives her more to work with next time around . the quality of director bruce beresford's movies seems to depend on luck . when he has a good script and a strong cast , he turns out oscar-caliber work like " 'breaker' morant , " " driving miss daisy , " and " tender mercies . " when he doesn't . . . we get " double jeopardy . " screenwriters david weisberg and douglas cook previously collaborated on " the rock , " a script which probably benefited from the numerous uncredited rewrites . bottom line : ashley judd tries hard but can't save this predictable bore .

kevin smith is like a big kid . his humor is that of a sophisticated juvenile's . he grew up idolizing star wars and loves comic books , having also written a few . he also has a cult following , mostly composed of teenagers , college students , and smith's own fellow adolescent-minded grownups . smith is hilarious in person and in writing , but when he tries to be earnest and moralize , that is when he goes wrong . kevin smith is a better writer than director , and he'll be the first to tell you that . that might also be part of the reason why his moralizing comes across as so heavy-handed . great directors show us their theses instead of having the characters sermonize them . this was true in the overrated chasing amy , and it is true for dogma as well . that is not to say smith's message is a bad one . in dogma , smith tells us that problems arise when people believe beyond any doubt that their insight into god and god's desires is superior to anyone else's . basically , dogmatism is bad . changing the minds of the dogmatic is virtually impossible , and since the dogmatic believe that they have special insight , they also know what is best for you , whether you like it or not . this is not exactly a new message in movies ( see inherit the wind ) , but i have no problems with recycling old ones , particularly since dogma's protesters are proving smith's point . smith's own problem with delivering this message is that he beats us over the head with it like we are reading a dogma for dummies book . but this is smith's personality , and his simplistic views neglect such adult issues as how does one interpret the bible ( or koran , etc . ) correctly ( or if there even is a correctly ) and how one settles disputes of heretofore dogmatic concerns . the story concerns abortion clinic worker bethany ( linda fiorentino ) being chosen by voice of god , metatron ( alan rickman ) , to prevent the destruction of the universe by two fallen angels , bartleby ( ben affleck ) and angel of death , loki ( matt damon ) . along the way , forgotten thirteenth apostle , rufus ( chris rock ) , stripper muse serendipity ( salma hayek ) , and slacker duo jay and silent bob ( jason mewes and kevin smith himself ) come to bethany's aid . fallen muse , azrael ( jason lee ) , proves to be the behind-the-scenes manipulator for all the chicanery . the logical but convoluted plot only exists as an excuse for the jokes and to make smith's points , and in itself , has little dramatic momentum . among the supposedly outrageous claims made by the film is that god is a woman , jesus was black , and the bible was written by a bunch of racist , misogynistic white men . of course , kevin smith does not necessarily subscribe to these ideas himself . they are a metaphor for the fears and insecurities of the dogmatic . smith says as much in his amusing disclaimer that precedes the movie . when harvey weinstein asked smith to put it into the film before cannes , smith thought it might give validation to protesters' claims that the film was sacrilegious , but then he rethought it and turned the disclaimer into a joke . the film's humor is uneven . some parts are very funny as when bethany goes for a fire extinguisher when metatron makes a burning-bush kind of entrance . but many of the film's jokes just bomb , as in virtually anything involving salma hayek's serendipity . also , some of the jokes can be seen coming from a mile away . still , smith keeps the zingers coming at a sufficiently rapid pace . among the actors , fiorentino and rickman stand out by far . fiorentino virtually by herself gives the film emotional weight . damon and affleck are fairly lackluster . rock and hayek exist in the film pretty much only as comic relief as are mews and smith . but the latter duo fare much better because jay and silent bob , who recur in all of smith's movies , are much more in line with smith's brand of humor . bud cort , george carlin , janeane garofalo , guinevere turner , and alanis morissette all make cameo appearances .

clint eastwood , in his ripe old age , is cashing one talent in for another . midnight in the garden of good and evil is an eastwood-directed film clint isn't even in , and it's damn good . adapted from a best-selling john berendt novel based on true events , this movie is set in the bizarre georgia town of savannah , where people walk invisible dogs and attach horseflies to their head . and that's just the mayor . as director and producer , eastwood contributes a self- indulgent but very competent 150 minutes , neatly balancing drama , suspense and humor . like all great movies , midnight in the garden has a lot of funny moments that spring from the characters themselves , and not from some contrived , juvenile intrusion . the acting , from big-time stars john cusack and kevin spacey , is as good as you'd expect , but it's the supporting stable that gives the movie its offbeat charm . cusack plays a free-lance reporter sent to savannah to write a fluff story for town & country magazine about one of eccentric millionaire spacey's parties . lots of food , beverages and gunplay . yes , an employee of spacey's has a huge argument in front of cusack and later turns up dead . it seems like a simple matter of self- defense -- the guy threatened spacey , shot at him , missed , then spacey took him out -- but being a movie , there's much more to it than that , and cusack decides to stay in town and write a book about the murder , a book which will eventually become a movie he will star in . the weird circle of entertainment . this is where the stable of supporting characters comes in . there's the requisite sexy woman ( alison " nepotist's daughter " eastwood ) , the strange piano player , the voodoo woman and the transvestite . miss chablis deserves a paragraph of his/her own , as the stealer of every scene she appears in -- what would this movie be without the castilian scene and her testimony ? chablis , playing herself , is five times funnier than reigning drag queen rupaul , but never seems exploited as the movie's comic relief or out of place in a basically serious movie . there are also a fair share of courtroom scenes , which these days almost never seem welcome in a movie , but even here clint manages to keep the movie fascinating . certainly the characterizations of the judge and spacey's lawyer both help immensely , as does having the fly-guy as the jury's foreman . it's here we realize the case boils down to an indictment of spacey's homosexuality . yes , spacey had a sexual relationship with the dead man -- before he shot him , of course . midnight in the garden of good and evil isn't a classic , but it is one of the better celebrity-directed , true-story best-seller adaptations out there . likewise , no one from this movie will be getting any oscar nominations , but the performances are all great . in fact , i'd almost recommend that the academy add a best supporting transvestite category . serving america for more than 1/25th of a century !

my fellow americans is a movie that at first glance looks to have little substance ( or a movie that we've all seen a million times ) , two lifetime rivals thrown together and then the fun begins . this is exactly what happened in this movie , but fortunately , they managed to do it in an interesting and funny way . the movie starts with a quick ( and i do mean quick ) glance of two presidents russell kramer ( jack lemmon ) and matt douglas ( james garner ) . william haney ( dan aykroyd ) and ted matthews ( john heard ) are the new president and vice president . there is a scandal that arises involving a kickback from a contractor and haney is positive that he buried that years ago . he finds a scapegoat in kramer and now everyone wants kramer and douglas dead . this movie was exceptional for many reasons . one being that they found people ( lemmon and garner ) that have good chemisty together . they worked very well as a unit and they mirrored each other perfectly , one being a ladies man and one being the old man ( i'll let you fiqure which is which ) . also , they found people that know their parts as govenment officials well . it seemed to me that garner played almost exactly the same role that he played in the distinquished gentleman ( except then he was a congressman ) . experience counts for a lot ! !