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Wednesday, October 8, 2014 Publishers of antique & vintage postcards had several ways to save money. This post illustrates three different ways publishers could economize. First, recycling images by well known artists, like the image above by Marie Flatscher. In one, shamrocks symbolize Good Luck in the New Year. The second postcard, also for the New Year, features birds on a wintery branch and a different window treatment. Below are more examples of recycled artwork. The first is from Winsch publishers on Easter postcards where a change of border style and the addition of a child makes a "new" image. Next are two examples of art deco style postcards from the 1920s, recycling images with some changes to create different designs or simply changing the background color. The second way publishers saved money, a little bizarre, was reusing designs but with a different greeting. These are plentiful and easy to spot. We begin with an obvious Easter chick from Tuck publishers casting an eye on a lemon and wondering what relationship it might have to an egg. More puzzling - what does this image have to do with Christmas? Below are two Valentines, one with Cupid helping a pretty lady decide between love and money (a recurring theme in turn-of-the century Valentines), and one with Cupid surprising a lady while she reads a love letter. These have been recycled as a Christmas greeting with the addition of some holly and as a birthday postcard with the design unchanged. Here is a well-known antique New Year design with children holding shamrocks and a horn, both traditional New Year symbols, and old Father Time from the previous year leaving in the background. The old car and the new red auto reinforce the old/new symbolism. It has been recycled as a birthday greeting with no change to the design. The third way to save money was for publishers to print divided backs on what had originally been undivided back stock with the front design intact. The laws changed, allowing messages to be written on the back of the postcard, where publishers had originally left space on the front for the message when only the address was allowed on the back. The following postcards have divided backs, but the image still has the space from when postcards had undivided backs. Friday, October 3, 2014 Fade away (fadeaway) postcard designs combine background colors with images to create an inventive picture that challenges the viewer to look closely. This is a fun fool-the-eye element that adds interest to holiday and greeting postcards from the early 1900s. Our opening image is a Gibson Art-published divided back flat Christmas postcard where Santa Claus has a suit that blends into the background. Gibson Art also published the fine image below of a lady driving a red automobile on a red background. Check the area near the steering wheel, where the image of her arm fades into the red background. Both of these postcards were postmarked 1913. Below is an example from one of my favorite series of fade away postcards, published by Stecher, with lovely little girls holding Easter rabbits and chicks. The background is a gorgeous violet color and the fade away design is significant, with the girls' outfits completely blended into the background. Light embossing adds to the charm of these divided back postcards. A different sort of fade away design is evident on the glamorous art deco image below of a woman in black stockings and a chemise that matches the background, An artist-signed Italian postcard with divided back flat image, the smoke from her cigarette creates the caption. Elegant and spare, this is a classy risque design in the fade away style. Another Gibson Art Christmas postcard adds a whimsical cherub on a mailbox with children sending holiday wishes. A divided back flat design, the little girl in white has a winter coat and boots that fade into the snowy background. Note the footstep marks in the snow - a subtle touch added to a bright postcard. The following three fade away designs are by a famed artist of the genre, Coles Phillips, who early on signed his work C. Coles Phillips and later dropped the initial C. His artwork could be found on advertisements and postcards, frequently featuring lovely women with significant fade away elements. A well-regarded artist among collectors, the sophistication of his images makes his postcards very popular. The last image here called PALS by Phillips has a design and color palette that predates Bev Doolittle's modern fade away prints. In her Hide and Seek Cameo series, brown and white horses fade into a background of rocks, earth and snow with a similar combination of colors. Her beautiful prints can be seen on the internet. PRICE ESTIMATES: Prices for fade away postcards range from about $6 - $25 for the Stecher and Gibson Art designs and about $35 - $60 for the artist-signed Coles Phillips & Italian postcards. These estimates are for postcards in EXCELLENT condition and they are only estimates.

Zimbalist died at his Solvang home in California's bucolic horse country, said family friend Judith Moose, who released a statement from his children, actress Stephanie Zimbalist and her brother, Efrem Zimbalist III. "We are heartbroken to announce the passing into peace of our beloved father, Efrem Zimbalist Jr., today at his Solvang ranch," it said. "He actively enjoyed his life to the last day, showering love on his extended family, playing golf and visiting with close friends." Zimbalist's stunning good looks and cool, deductive manner made him the ideal star as the hip private detective ferreting out Hollywood miscreants in "77 Sunset Strip," which aired from 1958 to 1964. As soon as that show ended he segued seamlessly into "The F.B.I." which aired from 1965 to 1974. At the end of each episode of the latter show, after Zimbalist and his fellow G-men had captured that week's mobsters, subversives, bank robbers or spies, the show would post photos from the FBI's real-life wanted list. Some of the photos led to arrests, which helped give the show the complete seal of approval of the agency's real-life director, J. Edgar Hoover. Zimbalist was the son of violin virtuoso Efrem Zimbalist and Alma Gluck, an acclaimed opera singer. Young Efrem studied the violin himself for seven years under the tutelage of Jascha Heifetz's father, but he eventually developed more interest in theater. He became an actor, and "77 Sunset Strip" made him a celebrity. His daughter also took up acting — and small-screen detective work, in the 1980s TV series "Remington Steele." Her father had a recurring role in that show as a con man. After serving in World War II, Zimbalist made his stage debut in "The Rugged Path," starring Spencer Tracy, and appeared in other plays and a soap opera before being called to Hollywood. Warner Bros. signed him to a contract and cast him in minor film roles. In 1958 "77 Sunset Strip" debuted, starring Zimbalist as a cultured former O.S.S. officer and language expert whose partner was Roger Smith, an Ivy League Ph.D. The pair operated out of an office in the center of Hollywood's Sunset Strip where, aided by their sometime helper, Kookie, a jive-talking beatnik type who doubled as a parking lot attendant, they tracked down miscreants. Kookie's character, played by Edd Byrnes, helped draw young viewers to the show and make it an immediate hit. The program brought Zimbalist an Emmy nomination in 1959, but after a few seasons he tired of the long hours and what he believed were the bad scripts. "A job like this should pay off in one of two ways: satisfaction or money. The money is not great, and there is no satisfaction," he said. When the show faltered in 1963, Jack Webb of "Dragnet" fame was hired for an overhaul. He fired the cast except for Zimbalist, whom he made a world-traveling investigator. The repair work failed, and the series ended the following year. Zimbalist had better luck with "The F.B.I.," which endured for a decade as one of TV's most popular shows. Perceiving that the series could provide the real FBI with an important P.R. boost, Hoover opened the bureau's files to the show's producers and even allowed background shots to be filmed in real FBI offices. "He never came on the set, but I knew him," Zimbalist said. "A charming man, extremely Virginia formal and an extraordinary command of the language." During summer breaks between the two series, Warner Bros. cast Zimbalist in several feature films, including "Too Much Too Soon," ''Home Before Dark," ''The Crowded Sky," ''The Chapman Report" and "Wait Until Dark." In the latter, he played the husband of Audrey Hepburn, a blind woman terrorized by thugs in a truly frightening film. Zimbalist also appeared in "By Love Possessed," ''Airport 1975," ''Terror Out of the Sky" and "Hot Shots." But he would always be best known as a TV star, ironic for an actor who told The Associated Press in a 1993 interview that when Warner Bros. first hired him he had no interest in doing television. "They showed me in my contract where it said I had to," he recalled. "I ended up with my life slanted toward television and I just accept that," he added. "I think you play the hand the way it's dealt, that's all." In the 1990s, Zimbalist recorded the voice of Alfred, the butler, in the cartoon "Batman" series, which, he said, "has made me an idol in my little grandchildren's eyes." He was born in New York City on Nov. 30, 1917. His mother reasoned that living amid the musical elite was not the best upbringing for a boy, so she sent him to boarding schools where he could be toughened by others his age. But young Efrem was bashful and withdrawn in school. His only outlet was acting in campus plays. "I walked onstage in a play at prep school, and with childish naiveté, told myself, 'Wow, I'm an actor!'" he once recalled. He was kicked out of Yale after two years over dismal grades, which he blamed on a playboy attitude. Afraid to go home, he stayed with a friend in New York City for three months, working as a page at NBC headquarters, where he was dazzled by the famous radio stars. Unable to break into radio as an actor, he studied at the famed Neighborhood Playhouse. During World War II he served in the infantry, receiving a Purple Heart for a shrapnel wound in his leg. In 1945, Zimbalist married Emily McNair and they had a daughter, Nancy, and son, Efrem III. His wife died in 1950, and he gave up acting to teach at the Curtis Institute in Philadelphia, where his father was an artist in residence. After five years he returned to Hollywood. He married Loranda Stephanie Spalding in 1956, and she gave birth to daughter Stephanie. He is survived by his children, four grandchildren and several great-grandchildren. Biographical material in this story was written by The Associated Press' late Hollywood correspondent, Bob Thomas.

Every woman dreams of long eyelashes, and there’s no denying. Some are blessed with naturally long and voluminous lashes but what about the rest? For those who suffer from sparse and short eyelashes, fake eyelashes may seem like the only option. However, fake eyelashes last only for a few hours and they come off easily. Well, don’t worry because you can always get eyelash extensions rather than fake eyelashes. If you apply mascara safe for eyelash extension you can get that perfect look you’ve always dreamt of. Here’s all that you need to know about eyelash extensions and the best mascara to use when you have the extensions on. 1. You need to fix an appointment The very first thing that you should know is that you can’t do your own eyelash extensions. You have to fix an appointment with a trusted technician. And you should know that getting eyelash extensions is a time taking process. However, all you have to do is sit back and relax. In fact this can be your break from all the stress and a little self-care time. At an average, it takes about 2 hours to get eyelash extensions fixed. Once you get them, based on how long they are, they last for about a year or so. All you’ll have to do is visit the technician for touch ups in a month or whenever it is needed. 2. What really happens The reason why eyelash extensions last really long is because of the unique process involved in fixing these extensions and the kind of glue used to stick them. Quite apparently, the reason why eyelash extensions are called extensions is because they are added as an extension to the natural eyelash. Each artificial lash extension is glued to the natural lash using glue. Before getting eyelash extensions, you should also know that you can choose out of so many materials that the extensions are made of. The three types of eyelash extensions are mink, silk, and synthetic. These are available in a length of 6mm to about 16 mm. out of these three; the most natural kind of lash extension material is mink lashes. However, these are the most expensive ones. 4. What if it gets wet? As you get the eyelash extensions fixed, they need some time to stick strongly to the lashes and set. It would take about a day or two for the eyelash extensions to adhere to the real lashes. Once that happens, you can take a shower or swim and your extensions would still stay intact. 5. Is using mascara safe for eyelash extension? When there is some special occasion or even if not, you would want to wear mascara to add more volume to your extensions. However, when you decide to apply mascara, there are some rules you have to swear by so that you don’t sabotage your extensions. First of all, make sure you when you apply mascara, you only apply to the tip of your eyelash extensions. If the extensions witness clumping, it can weaken the extensions and they might fall off sooner. Also, make sure you only use mascara safe for eyelash extension. 6. Mascara safe for eyelash extension While it is sorted that you can use mascara when you have eyelash extensions, there is one more thing that you need to keep in mind. Make it a point to only use non-oil based mascara. Oil based mascara, or any other oil based product for that matter can weaken the adherence of the extensions. There are many great oil free mascara brands that you can choose out of based on your preference. You should ideally be using water-based mascara if you plan to use mascara. 7. The myth A lot of people believe and make believe that getting eyelash extensions can destroy your natural lashes. However, that is a pure myth. When you go to a professional to get eyelash extensions, there are no chances of them ruining your natural lashes. Also, one important thing is to stick to the rules after you get extensions. Don’t use oil-based products and don’t pluck them by yourself. A lot of people pluck them and the result is messed up natural lashes. It takes about one and a half months of rigorous care and patience to regain your natural lashes. If at all you want to get rid of the extensions, either wait for them to fall off naturally or get them removed by a professional. 8. What’s the deal breaker? It is quite apparent that eyelash extensions have got really popular. And there are plenty of reasons. People don’t have so much time to glue fake lashes every morning. Eyelash extensions save the efforts and last really long. They feel more natural than false lashes. Also, taking care of them isn’t a very difficult job. You just have to carefully buy oil-free products that you use for your eye makeup to make them last as long as they naturally would. Best water-based mascara for eyelash extensions - Maybelline Great Lash Known as America’s most favorite mascara, Maybelline Great Lash was launched in 1971! Can you believe it? It has to be something special and amazing if it stuck around for so many decades even after the invention of a lot of new and innovative mascara in the market. Needless to say, that this mascara has a huge fan following in the US as well as the rest of the world. One of the major reasons for its popularity is its affordability. You cannot ask for a better mascara for such a cheap price! It is easily washable and you will not have any trouble with your eyelash extensions if this is the mascara that you choose to pair them with. “Got this to replace my old mascara that was constantly smudging and getting everywhere. This one is nice, brush is good and doesn’t make my eyelashes clumpy or smudge. Also absolutely waterproof, I had to deal with an emotional family situation the other day and I didn’t get the mascara tear streaks which I was grateful for considering the situation. Would buy again,” says Noneya, a happy user of the product of Amazon. - Benefit Bad Gal Mascara Benefit’s Bad Gal Mascara is yet another very popular mascara among women. I’m pretty sure that you have heard about this product at least once in your life time and if you haven’t that’s a great loss! This is one of my favorite mascaras since it gives my almost non-existent eyelashes a very thick and voluminous look. If you are anything like me, struggling with thin and short eyelashes, this mascara is a must try. Since it is easily washable you don’t have to restrict yourself from using it every day or using it along with eyelash extensions. Michelle, a user of Benefit Bad Gal Mascara reviews the product as “I’ve been using this product for close to 10 years now. It’s my absolute favorite! The brush applicator is a little larger than average, but I have gotten used to it, and it does not give me any issues.” - Lancome Definicils High Definition Mascara No. 2, Deep Black Lancome is Paris’ favorite beauty brand and their mascara is worth a try for sure. You are sure to get high definition black eyelashes, especially with the “Deep Black” variant. Even though I have tried this product, I haven’t stuck to it since I didn’t want to ditch my favorite mascara brand, Maybelline. Well, that doesn’t mean that I cannot occasionally cheat! Lancome Definicil’s High Definition Mascara is a great mascara to apply on top of eyelash extensions since they are easily washable and they do not make the extensions weak by clumping or in any other way. “Definicils is what I keep coming back to. I have never been disappointed and will use it exclusively from now on. It is worth the price,” says Amy, a user on Amazon. Well, I guess I’d totally agree with the review because a good mascara is kind of an investment and it will never go waste. - Bobbi Brown Smokey Eye Mascara Bobbi Brown is one of the most popular names when it comes to the cosmetic world and it brings in a lot style and charm just with its name. Smokey eyes are a big hit for the occasions when you want your eyes to be the center of attraction. This is when most of us prefer to use eyelash extensions but can we do anything more to make things better? Yes, indeed there is and the perfect solution to make your eyelash extensions look great without causing them to fall down is Bobbi Brown’s Smokey Eye Mascara. “O.M.G. I love this mascara! I got a free sample of it and I have not looked back! It may be a bit pricey, but it is worth every penny! I have very light and thin eyelashes to begin with and this product not only makes my eyes pop, but it doesn’t flake, it stays on for EVER, it lifts and lengthens and most importantly, it helps me feel even more beautiful! I will never purchase any ‘OTC’ mascara ever again!” says Hanny, a happy customer on Amazon. - Clinique Naturally Glossy Mascara This is one mascara that I would suggest any girl who loves wearing eyelash extensions. It is completely eyelash extension safe and will not form clumps on them making them fall off sooner than usual. Even if you are not a fan of eyelash extensions, you will love this mascara due to its voluminizing affect. It gives your eyelashes the perfect length, volume, and curl that you always wanted to have. All this and no flaking or clumping. The product is safe and won’t cause any irritation to your eyes which makes it safe for those who have sensitive eye area or for those who wear contact lenses. It is easily washable with soap and water and you will not need to put in a lot of effort to clean up after a tough day at work. “Very good mascara for sensitive eyes. Doesn’t clog and looks very natural,” says Malojakew who is an Amazon customer. - Eyelash Extension Mascara – Safe to Use with False Lashes- Oil Free Like the name suggests, this mascara is tailor-made for eyelash extensions. You don’t have to worry about a thing if you’re using this mascara over your eyelash extensions. It is completely oil free yet is water resistant. Eyelash Extension Mascara is ophthalmologist tested as well as allergy-tested which means that you found your perfect makeup partner if you have sensitive eyes or if they are prone to allergies. It gives more dramatic look to your eyelash extensions and it works well with all the different types of eyelash extensions there is. Isn’t it great that you have a perfect mascara just made for eyelash extensions and you won’t have to worry about the glue coming off or the lashes getting loose. Nonetheless, the mascara can also be used when you don’t have eyelash extensions on. An Amazon customer reviewed the product as, “I am very pleased with this item. I don’t wear lash extensions, but I prefer mascara that is made for them. My experience has been that it has less tendency to turn “gooey” than the regular mascara I’ve purchased at the department store cosmetic counter. This mascara met my expectations. It’s lightweight, but great color, and it separates my lashes while lengthening them. It lasts all day and into the evening. No flaking or smudging once it dries. Also, better priced than some other brands I’ve tried.” What do you think is the best mascara safe for eyelash extensions? Do you have any tricks to make the eyelash extension look a little more attractive? Tell us about your experience with eyelash extensions and waterbased mascara that will work well on them, in the comments section below. We would love to hear from you.

Sue Fish, Chief Constable of Nottinghamshire – since 23rd June 2016 Vera Baird, Police and Crime Commissioner, Northumbria Theresa May – Prime Minister since 13th July 2016, former Home Secretary I am increasingly contemptuous of what now passes for criminal justice in the UK. The law is a joke. Can I say that? Will I be arrested? I don’t mean it, of course. I’m not laughing. I could start with the Family Courts. But let’s not. It’s too awful. So let’s just recap the first few days of 2016 before getting down to more recent events. Early last January we witnessed the unedifying spectacle of Vera Baird, Police and Crime Commissioner for Northumbria, counting down the days to the implementation of the new “coercive control” domestic abuse law. You may recall this was the new law covering psychological abuse and emotional and financial control. Victims of coercive control, we are told, often have their finances controlled by their partner and are isolated from friends and family and face a barrage of abusive messages when they are out of the perpetrators sight. Yes, indeed. It happens. But whether there should be legislation covering it is another matter. I have discussed the issue previously in September 2014. Indulge me in a little game. I want you to imagine Kenny Everett swinging his stockinged legs and saying his catch-phrase “it’s all in the best possible taste“. Now all join in, here goes…”it’s all strictly gender neutral“. That was fun, wasn’t it? Perhaps you’d like to make a habit of it. You’ll have plenty more opportunities. Vera Baird got into a spot of bother with Joe Public over the manner in which she chose to count down the days to implementation of the new coercive control law. She did so by running a sequence of ads. These are they…(click to enlarge)… It seems that some people took exception to men always playing the villain’s role. What sensitive souls! As if women would ever be coercive or controlling. Shock horror. And Vera Baird insisted that “it’s all strictly gender neutral“. This was the woman, by the way, who opened her address to the Feminism in London Conference in September 2011, with these remarks, - It was essentially the Refuge Movement that first counted the figures and demonstrated that domestic violence was not something that was done by a few cruel and unusual men; - That violence in the home was as to more than 90%, by men on women. The latter statement is just a staggering denial of reality. Not only does it flatly contradict every CSEW report for many years past but the worldwide weight of evidence that partner abuse is not a gendered issue is crushingly voluminous. In fact, sources outside the UK tend to indicate greater levels of female-on-male abuse than the reverse when the abuse is unidirectional, see for example Fiebert’s review or the definitively comprehensive PASK report. But it is the first statement, above, which is telling. Baird, in standard feminist fashion, believes that domestic abuse is the normal behaviour of all men. This is what feminism is – the belief in patriarchy theory – that men are powerful and use their power to oppress women. All men, all women. And this gives the lie to Baird’s protestations in January’16 that “it’s all strictly gender neutral“. The letter of the law may be, but not her view of it. And the ads she ran faithfully reflect her prejudice. It is not the first time that Vera Baird has come unstuck over ads. Early in 2014, her Police and Crime Commission ran a series of ads. Central to these ads were the following claims: “Over 85,000 women are raped in the UK every year” and “Last year 1.2 million women suffered domestic violence“. These claims are misleading and cannot be substantiated. I do not state this simply as my own opinion: it is the considered opinion of the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA). I have had sight of documents made available under the Freedom of Information (FOI) Act pertaining to a complaint to the ASA regarding these statistics, as used in the ads. The ASA upheld the complainants claim that these statistics were likely to mislead the public and could not be substantiated. Accordingly the Northumbria PCC was obliged to withdraw the ads in order to avoid the matter being escalated to the ASA Council for a formal adjudication, the results of which would have been made public by posting on their web site. There is no doubt where Vera Baird is coming from. She has been vice-chairwoman of the Fawcett Society and founded the government funded Gender and Criminal Justice Forum at the Fawcett Society. She is a QC. She is a former Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State in the Ministry of Justice. She served as Solicitor General for England and Wales. She is a very powerful player and is using her position, as do many feminists like her, to further her ideological agenda. It has nothing to do with equality but a great deal to do with a mindset that all men are swine who need to be controlled. Ironic, really, when you consider the nature of the new ‘coercive control’ law. You can understand Baird’s sense of triumph in the run-up to the new law in January 2016 because nine months earlier, in March 2015, she was already personally leading police “training” in implementing it – in anticipation. Her “training” programme taught officers how to recognise when perpetrators of domestic abuse were using “coercive control” and to know how best to tackle it. All staff, whether frontline or not, received the training. Oh, it would all be strictly gender neutral, of course. You can see this from the photo of Ron Hogg, PCC for Durham, below, proudly clutching his ‘Violence against Women and Girls’ strategy guidance material after being trained at Durham University…(click to enlarge)… Whose help did Baird enlist in formulating this “training programme”? Well, that would be the women’s DV charities, the epicentre of feminist activism. Specifically it was Wearside Women In Need, Newcastle’s Hope Consortium and Gateshead Council’s Domestic Violence Advisory Service, amonst others. And the Crown Prosecution Service, led by arch-feminist Alison Saunders, took an active interest – who would have thunk it? And let’s not forget the role of our beloved Prime Minister, then Home Secretary, Theresa May, as Chair of the National Oversight Group on Domestic Violence. Vera Baird’s membership of this august body formed part of her leadership role in driving the new coercive control law, and the presence on this Group of such fine upstanding exemplars of rectitude as Polly Neate of Women’s Aid and Sandra Horley of Refuge were, no doubt, a beneficial influence. That they are all feminists is all to the good, of course. The lobbying which called for the creation of the new law came from this same axis: the women’s refuge sector. Without doubt, this sector will have “advised” in the formulation of the new law – if not actually drafted much of it. The decision to proceed with a (so-called) “consultation” on the proposal rested with feminist Theresa May as Home Secretary. And who was consulted? Why, these same people in the women’s refuge sector. After all, they are the experts on DV, aren’t they? A few annoying MRA types might also have responded to the call, but they could safely be ignored as obvious misogynists. [Actually, less easily dismissed male-friendly, voices also failed to influence the Bill. A very real threat to the feminist lobby would be the claim by disenfranchised fathers that a mother breaching contact orders would be guilty of controlling behaviour. But the feminist lobby closed ranks to neutralise that one by restricting the coercive control law to cohabitees. Once the mother has got the father out of the house, she can be as controlling as she wishes. Odd that, given that the CSEW definition of partner abuse does not require cohabitation]. You can read my contemporary spin on this farce of a “consultation” here. So, to recap: the desire to “enhance” the law on domestic violence originated from within the DV charity sector, a sector whose funding requires that the focus on DV against women is constantly revivified. This same lobby was then instrumental in “advising” on the formulation of the law. It’s senior representatives sat on the National Oversight Group, chaired by the (feminist) Home Secretary whose call it was to take the matter into legislation. The consequent ‘consultation’ exercise was a farce since the same lobby was taken as the authority for comment – and any unwelcome dissenting voices could be ignored with complete impunity. Meanwhile, other senior feminists were well placed to prepare for the implementation of the new law. Since implementation requires police action, the key to effective implementation is to role out “training” to the police – designed and delivered by the self-same feminist lobby. All this is neatly achieved within the feminist bubble. The coercive control enhancement of the DV law was enacted as part of a larger set of Amendments to the Serious Crime Bill (2015). It was sponsored by feminist Theresa May as Home Secretary, together with Lord Taylor of Holbeach, also of the Home Office. The same Bill enhanced the law on FGM and various sexual offences against children. So this change to the law did go through due process, although the feminist domination of both the House of Parliament and the House of Lords would be unlikely to throw up objections when all incoming sources of ‘expert advice’ would be from the feminist lobby which has a monopoly on opinion in this area. Anti-feminist, or men’s rights, views are almost entirely unrepresented in our legislature at any level. Why? Because the feminist control of the narrative has embedded the view that such opinion is vile, anti-equality and misogynistic. In other words, dissent has been suppressed. But all this is just a prelude to the main event, which occurred on 13th July 2016, the same day that Theresa May became Prime Minister. The latest wheeze comes to us courtesy of Sue Fish, Chief Constable of Nottinghamshire. She didn’t waste any time. She’s only been in the job three weeks. I’m afraid we will have to suspend our little game of “it’s all strictly gender neutral“. All pretence of gender neutrality has now been abandoned as the confidence of the sexist lobby increases. Trivial, non-criminal acts are now to be reclassified as hate crimes if someone, somewhere – anyone, anywhere – chooses to label them as misogynistic. The decision to make this change to the de facto law has come to us courtesy of Nottingham Women’s Centre, with the Nottinghamshire Police acting as their willing stooges. Perhaps you thought, dear reader, that laws were made in Parliament? Parliament does indeed define the law in principle. But the de facto law is what is implemented on the ground by the police forces and the prosecution services. The legislated law and the de facto law do not always coincide. For example, our society tolerates male genital mutilation and paternity fraud because the police and prosecution services do not act against these common practices. Both are illegal. They contravene existing statutes. But the de facto law is what counts. The feminists have recognised this. They realise that it is not necessary to go through all that messy parliamentary business. As long as feminists are in place as senior police officers and/or PCCs, and as long as the Crown Prosecution Service is feminist dominated, then they can operate at the level of de facto law without bothering with actual legislation. When the statute law and the de facto law diverge due to police action we call that a Police State. But what we have here is something different. It is the feminist lobby calling the shots. We have a Feminist State. The law is being defined by the feminist lobby, especially the refuge sector, because they have taken control of how de facto law is implemented. We have seen this already in the “training” of the police forces by the feminist lobby prior to the coercive control law being passed into statute. As regards the new offence of misogynistic hate crime, the Nottinghamshire Police Statement makes absolutely clear whence the new ‘law’ originates, Nottinghamshire Police, in partnership with Nottingham Women’s Centre, has become the first force in the country to recognise misogyny as a hate crime. The additional category will apply to a range of incidents reported to the police, from street harassment through to unwanted physical approaches. Chief Constable Sue Fish said: “I’m delighted that we are leading the way towards tackling misogyny in all its forms. It’s a very important aspect of the overall hate crime work being conducted and one that will make Nottinghamshire a safer place for all women. “What women face, often on a daily basis, is absolutely unacceptable and can be extremely distressing. Nottinghamshire Police is committed to taking misogynistic hate crime seriously and encourages anyone who is affected by it to contact us without hesitation. The work we are doing with Nottingham Women’s Centre is so valuable and I am looking forward to continuing that work.” The initiative did not spring fully formed from nothing. Work started to lay the foundations for the move in June 2014 with ‘research’ into hate crime. The Nottinghamshire Police Statement continues, In 2015, armed with the findings of the research and funded by the Nottinghamshire Police and Crime Commissioner, Nottinghamshire Police and Nottingham Women’s Centre hosted the inaugural Nottinghamshire Safer for Women Conference. The event included testimonials by victims of misogynistic hate crime and examples of British Transport Police’s marketing and Hollaback UK’s campaign work. The day contributed to an action plan, which Nottinghamshire Police pledged to implement and, shortly after, project teams were set up to create new policing policy, training packages and communication strategies. Melanie Jeffs, Centre Manager at Nottingham Women’s Centre said: “We’re pleased to see Nottinghamshire Police recognise the breadth of violence and intimidation that women experience on a daily basis in our communities. Understanding this as a hate crime will help people to see the seriousness of these incidents and hopefully encourage more women to come forward and report offences.” In line with the new way of reporting, the force has spent the last three months providing misogyny hate crime training to selected officers and staff and, by the end of July, those officers will have completed the course. You see how this works? All sources of ‘advice’ and ‘research’ to which the police are exposed are ensured to be of suitable ideological alignment. The police are thus “trained” in the Correct perspective before the change in the ‘law’ is announced. It helps if senior police officers or the PCC are sympathetic to the cause, but this is not always necessary. Note how the presentation of ‘research’ leads to coercion of the police to “create a new policing policy” by the feminist VAWG lobby. But a “new policing policy” is a new de facto law. That’s how it works. The worst is yet to come. This is how Nottinghamshire Police have chosen to define hate crime, A hate crime is simply any incident, which may or may not be deemed as a criminal offence, which is perceived by the victim or any other person, as being motivated by prejudice or hatred. There are good reasons why it should be Parliament which defines laws. One reason – worth mentioning in passing – is the rule of democracy. We elect MPs for the purpose. I don’t recall having elected Nottingham Women’s Centre. There is another reason though. Laws need very careful phrasing to avoid inconsistencies and unintended consequences. Whilst Parliament does not always get this right, because it can be tricky, at least they can call on professional civil servants who are alive to the problems. What the Nottinghamshire sexists have done has gone off the far end of the crazy scale. Let’s start with “hate crime is any incident, which may or may not be a criminal offence…“. In plain words, they have created a new category of crime which was not previously a crime. By whose authority? Well, by the authority of the Nottingham Women’s Centre and their police stooges. It will be interesting to see if any senior figure in the judiciary or government stomps on this outrageous presumption. Anyone taking bets? That’s the Feminist State, right there. Now consider, “hate crime is any incident which is perceived by the victim or any other person as being motivated by prejudice or hatred“. The key role of perception in this definition means that it may be a crime which has no objective reality. This is where postmodernism and “women’s ways of knowing” have led us. The fact that two people may perceive the same incident differently does not perturb these gender zealots, because there is no absolute truth – only women’s truth. But this definition is worse than usual. It is not only the “victim’s” perception which defines the crime – but anyone’s. So, anywhere a feminist ideologue happens to be hanging around, anything a man says or does might be labeled criminal – simply because said feminist perceives it so. I honestly do perceive the Nottinghamshire Police Statement as having been motivated by prejudice or hatred – but no one is going to care about my concerns – because the new ‘law’ is explicitly gender biased. The “victim” must be female. The Statement continues, Misogyny hate crime, in addition to the general hate crime definition, may be understood as incidents against women that are motivated by an attitude of a man towards a woman, and includes behaviour targeted towards a woman by men simply because they are a woman. Examples of this may include unwanted or uninvited sexual advances; physical or verbal assault; unwanted or uninvited physical or verbal contact or engagement; use of mobile devices to send unwanted or uninvited messages or take photographs without consent or permission. Blows your mind, doesn’t it? Leaving aside the explicit gender bias, consider the first sentence. It makes all heterosexual sex a hate crime. Why? Well, that would be an incident in which a man’s behaviour is targeted towards a women and in which her sex is the most significant motivating factor. Ergo, as per the definition, heterosexual sex – or any of the usual romantic preludes thereto – are hate crimes. You can hear the lesbian feminist separatists popping the champagne corks from here. But it is not only sex that is made a hate crime. Any incident in which the woman’s sex is the motivation is now a hate crime. For example, I dare say that if you saw two men having a fight in the street (not that I ever have) you might walk on by and leave them to it. On the other hand, if you saw a man beating up a woman in the street you would be far more inclined to intervene. You’ve seen the YouTube social experiment videos. But such assistance to a woman would now be a hate crime – because it would be an action taken specifically due to her sex. This is the craziness you get when the police and the refuge lobby define the law. But it gets worse. Consider the second sentence which labels as misogyny hate crime any “unwanted verbal contact”. Recall that this law is specifically about men offending against women, not the reverse. What we have here is a law which makes it illegal for a man to initiate a conversation with a woman, even if it is merely a brief “hello” in passing. Now sane, reasonable people may object that such trivia are not what the law is intended to protect against. What sane, reasonable people need to understand is that the insane, unreasonable people are in charge. Staggeringly, we already know that many young women these days do regard men who say ‘hello’ to be harassers. They have been raised in a society which has taught them to fear men. This is the result. So even well educated, and supposedly confident, young women have been reduced, needlessly, to quivering jellies. Take, for example, Daisy Buchanan’s piece in the Guardian, “I’m tired of being kind to creepy men in order to stay safe” . Ms Buchanan claims that her experience of sexual harassment by men has been so severe that she has had to impose her own curfew and tries to be in bed by 11pm. She has had to do this because, she says, “I know from experience that something bad might happen if I have to get home after midnight and the streets are full of potentially terrifying men“. What appalling experiences have led this poor woman to adopt such a view? In her entire life to date she seems to have had just three experiences to relate. Trigger warning: explicit details follow. All three of these experiences have involved men who have spoken to Ms Buchanan uninvited, in public. And…..and….you wait to hear the gory deatils. No, there is no “and”. That’s it. Three men whom she did not know addressed her in public. That’s it. What they said was, respectively, “What are you reading, then?”, “What’s your name” and ” I keep seeing you around – what’s your name?”. Monsters! So, before you sane, reasonable people dismiss my concerns that the new Nottinghamshire ‘law’ might be abused, just remember Ms Buchanan. There is a certain type of woman who, once they become aware they have this power, will use it. Meanwhile, saner women will be obliged to accept the infantilisation that is being foisted upon them whether they like it or not. This leaves men unable to initiate social contact with a woman. A man must not talk to a woman unless she addresses him first. Do not speak until you are spoken to, gentlemen – just like the relationship between a Victorian bourgeoise and her servant. Except that, in the case of the Victorian class system it would only be a violation of social convention for a servant to be too forward in addressing his betters. The Nottinghamshire law actually makes it a criminal offence for a man to address a woman uninvited. Thanks to the wonderfully enlightened views of the feminist lobby, the gulf between the sexes is now greater than the gulf between the servant and patrician classes of the Victorian era. It will not be long before men are expected to avert their eyes when a woman passes by (aargh, the male gaze!) – just as servants in great Victorian households were expected to do (even to turn their faces to the wall in some cases). Then there is the misogyny hate crime of a man using a mobile ‘phone to send, to a woman, “unwanted or uninvited messages or to take photographs without consent or permission“. Virtually all texts are uninvited, and many are unwanted. I couldn’t begin to list the number of banks, insurance companies, scientific journals, etc., that would be committing acts of hate crime against me if I were a woman. And is it not legal to take photographs, or videos, in a public place? There are few public places in UK cities where you are not on CCTV. And many news items, such as terrorist actions, are accompanied by video footage from passers by. Is this to be illegal? Most concerning is the effect this ‘law’ might have on the precautions that some men are now taking to protect themselves against false allegations – namely to video everywhere they go. Is even this defence-of-last-resort to be denied them? Their precautions are over the top, you think? May be. But….. - Tell that to Mark Pearson who was saved from a false allegation only by CCTV footage; - Tell it to this man who was saved from going down for rape by CCTV footage; - Tell it to this taxi driver whose in-cab CCTV saved him from a false allegation of sexual assault; - Tell it to this music teacher whose life was blown to bits by a false accusation of rape, and whose torment might have been ended quicker if he had had video footage; - Tell it to this primary school teacher whom a woman falsely accused of sexually abusing her daughter; - Or this vicar, falsely accused of being a paedophile by a woman-and-daughter hate campaign; - Tell it to this Durham University student; - Tell it to this man-on-a-bicycle who was saved from false allegations by testimony from members of the public – but who might not have been; - Tell it to these falsely accused young men from an agricultural college; - Tell it to this falsely accused hedamaster; - Or this falsely accused fire chief; - Or the victim of this woman’s false rape claim; - Or this army veteran deceived by a false rape claimant; - Or the boyfriend of this law graduate who was found guilty of false rape allegations; - Or any man crossing the path of this prolific rape liar; - Or any man on Facebook who comes to the attention of this liar; - Tell it to this father who was falsely accused by his own daughter; - Or to this father who was falsely accused by a CAFCASS social worker of sexually abusing his own daughter; - Or this grandfather, accused by his own granddaughter in a bid for his money; - Tell it to Cliff Richard, Nigel Evans, Paul Gambaccini, Lord Bramall, Harvey Proctor, Michael le Vell, William Roache, David Easter, Conor Oberst and Ben Sullivan; - You couldn’t tell it to Jay Cheshire because he killed himself; - And you couldn’t tell it to these ten men because they killed themselves too; - And even 12 year old boys are now being subject to false allegations of rape by under-aged girls who learn early what power they have – such as this appalling case and this one, I could go one, there’s no shortage of examples. As one young American man said after being cleared of a rape charge: “Understand that society today doesn’t favour young men, and you need to, as a young man, protect yourself“. It’s understandable that some young men are steering clear of women altogether and/or having a go-pro camera always recording. Bear in mind in all these cases that the burden is increasingly on men to prove their innocence. I quote, “Feminising of justice makes it hard for men charged with rape to get a fair trial….When it comes to sexual assault, decades of campaigning by feminists and more strident members of the victim lobby have browbeaten judges and policy-makers into a change of approach. The prevailing attitude seems to be that it is unfair to anyone claiming to have been the victim of a sexual attack that they should have to accept that their alleged attacker is ‘innocent until proved guilty’ and that the case has to operate under due process. As a result, the system has been re-engineered to make it more difficult for the accused to defend himself.” There are well documented cases in which evidence is given to the police showing unambiguously that the allegations are false, but the police ignore it. The police appear to have joined with the CPS in trying to maximise convictions, rather than serve the interests of justice. And it is not only in allegations of sexual assault that the law has ceased to function. The domestic violence laws are being commonly abused as a fast-track for women to get rid of an unwanted male partner. Men can be thrown out of their own home and banned from seeing their children without evidence or trial. And our society is tolerating this state of affairs which has been going on for decades now. The law has been flagrantly anti-male for a long time. But it’s getting worse. Male genital mutilation is ignored, paternity fraud is ignored, the family courts are a Stalinesque nightmare, judicial sentencing of male offenders is far, far harsher than that of female offenders but campaigns not to imprison women gain support from all centres of power. We now have the ‘coercive control’ enhancement of the domestic abuse laws, which puts the State in your home to monitor your behaviour, it’s all strictly gender neutral. And the move by Nottinghamshire police reveals how the feminist lobby can now impose de facto laws against men without the bother of working through parliament. The target of the new law based on hypersensitivity to ‘misogyny’ or sexual assault is broader than just the men who are actually accused. It targets every man. It is a concerted and sustained campaign of psychological aggression. When nice, well educated, well heeled, law abiding, middle class boys like me cease to respect the law, something has gone very wrong. And when the law departs from what is morally valid, there ceases to be a moral precept to be law abiding. The bovine masses of men continue to slumber. They remain unaware of their own increasing social destruction. But if men were to awake they would ask themselves this question: why should men continue to cooperate with a society which so blatantly despises them?

I raised six puppies with my family over a period of eight years of volunteering for Guide Dogs for the Blind as a puppy raiser. Two were selected to become breeders and one recently became a working guide. Those that became breeders have in turn had puppies which have led to fourteen active working guides, with more puppies still in training. We also adopted a career change dog, Cider, who is an integral part of our family. Aside from seeing other puppy raisers success at graduations, my family and I had not had the opportunity to experience presenting a fully trained guide dog to a blind person. That was until our sixth guide dog, Luau. She was a fun-loving, golden retriever cross with a warm personality. It was because of Luau that I was able to experience the impact I had on someone else in my community. That someone was Dawn, a kind woman who had the personality to mesh with Luau's. It was a truly remarkable experience to hear firsthand from Dawn the impact we, as puppy raisers, had on her and all of the others receiving working guides that day at graduation from all across the U.S. When speaking on stage, Dawn said that, "You allow us to spread our wings and the opportunity to have sight again." I gained the fulfillment that I contributed to a priceless gift - a special bond of trust, love and companionship - that granted Dawn a new independence. I also gained a new awareness of the influence I can have in my community - one that spans the continent! The impact a guide dog can have on one's life is incredible, not only on the life of the blind person receiving the dog, but also on the life of the raiser. It's a labor of love, one that I began in the third grade not knowing where it would lead me today. As a puppy raiser I have had the opportunity to be a part of this journey. I ultimately got to witness a missing piece being restored to a blind person when they receive their guide dog. This furry assistant brings them a life of mobility and independence, allowing them to do basic tasks that many of us take for granted each day. Knowing the joy and freedom a guide dog brings to someone visually impaired makes the experience and dedication to the task all worth it. What these dogs truly do for blind people is beyond what words can explain. My experience in raising a guide dog puppy has greatly influenced the life of someone blind in my community. It has brought someone basic necessities that many of us take for granted everyday such as mobility and vision. It provides them with the opportunity to create a unique, lifelong partnership with a dog that they can trust and depend on to navigate them safely through this complex world. It enables them to travel more effectively and faster. Anyone who receives a guide dog forms such a strong relationship with their furry companion; it is as if the dog becomes a part of them. Through the puppy raising experience, I have learned the importance of the larger vision of GDB, that not all the dogs have the passion or what it takes to be a guide. It is our task, however, as a group or team of raisers to help make those determinations and care for all the dogs for wherever their path may lead them. I learned by sticking to this concept for the long term and with multiple raisers that ultimately we help GDB meet their goals. I gained a new appreciation for commitments to goals and the importance of my role. I will apply this lesson to other aspects of my life.This fall I will be heading to Pacific Lutheran University to major in biochemistry with a minor in Spanish. I hope to use my education to become a forensic scientist. Though I will not be directly involved with Guide Dogs while at college, I plan to continue to volunteer in my community. My experiences from Guide Dogs have encouraged me to continue living out my passion for volunteering, social action and impacting others in my community. I am committed to investing time in helping others and learning from those experiences. The unique experiences I have gained through my time with Guide Dogs have shaped my individuality. They have instilled in me generosity and a continual desire to help those around me in my community.

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Ella Fitzgerald, known as the First Lady of Song, Queen of Jazz, and Lady Ella was an extraordinary jazz and song vocalist, who won 13 Grammys. In all, Fitzgerald recorded more than 200 albums and some 2,000 songs in her lifetime. Her total record sales exceeded 40 million. Her many accolades included the NAACP Image Award for Lifetime Achievement and the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Ella Fitzgerald was born on April 25, 1917, in Newport News, Virginia. Her parents, William Fitzgerald and Temperance “Tempie” Williams Fitzgerald separated shortly after her birth. As a 13-year-old, she was taken to Yonkers, New York, by her mother, who died in 1932. After attempting to go it alone in Harlem, Fitzgerald was placed in the local Riverdale Orphanage, before returning to live with an aunt. By 1934, Fitzgerald was trying to make it on her own and living on the streets. She and her friends gave impromptu tap-dancing performances on the sidewalks, collecting money from bystanders. She also augmented these funds by running errands for a mob gambling syndicate; and using spare money to pay for piano lessons. In 1934, a friend persuaded Fitzgerald to dance in a talent contest at the Harlem Opera House on 125th Street. But when it was time for her to go on, she was frozen with stage fright. When the audience turned restless, she knew she had to do something, so she sang a song called Judy. The effect was sensational, with the audience rising to their feet to applaud the 16-year-old. She obliged with an encore, singing The Object of my Affection. Fitzgerald went on to win the contest’s $25 first place prize. From that moment, she resolved to be a singer. In March 1935, she did a few gigs with Tiny Bradshaw’s Orchestra. Then, to show that her contest win was no fluke, she won another competition at the world famous Apollo Theatre. The master of ceremonies was Bardu Ali, a talent scout for the bandleader and drummer Webb (1905-1939). Ali urged Webb to sign Fitzgerald. Webb and his wife Sally would later legally adopt Fitzgerald, who was still a teenager. Fitzgerald recorded Love and Kisses with Webb in 1935 and found herself playing regularly at one of Harlem’s hottest clubs, the Savoy. Fitzgerald also put out her first No. 1 hit, 1938’s A-Tisket, A-Tasket, which she co-wrote. Later that year Ella recorded her second hit, I Found My Yellow Basket. By this time, Fitzgerald was called “the nation’s number one stylist” and billed as “Ella – the first lady of song”, a title that produced a snort from Billie Holiday. The two divas did not socialise! In addition to her work with Webb, Fitzgerald performed and recorded with the Benny Goodman Orchestra. She had her own side project, too, known as Ella Fitzgerald and Her Savoy Eight. Following Webb’s death in 1939, Ella became the leader of the band, which was renamed Ella Fitzgerald and Her Famous Orchestra. Around this time, Fitzgerald was briefly married to Ben Kornegay, a convicted drug dealer and hustler. They wed in 1941, but she soon had their union annulled. Going out on her own, Fitzgerald landed a deal with Decca Records. She recorded some hit songs with the Ink Spots and Louis Jordan in the early 1940s. Fitzgerald also made her film debut as Ruby in 1942’s comedy western Ride Em Cowboy with Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. Her career really began to take off in 1946 when she started working with Norman Granz, the future founder of Verve Records. In the mid-1940s, Granz had started Jazz at the Philharmonic, a series of concerts and live records featuring most of the genre’s great performers. Fitzgerald also hired Granz to become her manager. Fitzgerald was keen on bebop and she was encouraged to develop her scat singing by Dizzy Gillespie, who was nicknamed The High Priest of Bop. She went on tour with Dizzy Gillespie and his band, and started changing her singing style, incorporating scat singing during her performances. Fitzgerald also fell in love with Gillespie’s bass player Ray Brown. The pair wed in 1947, and they adopted a child born to Fitzgerald’s half-sister whom they named Raymond “Ray” Brown Jr. The marriage ended in 1952. The 1950s and ’60s proved to be a time of great critical and commercial success for Fitzgerald. Her unique ability to mimic instrumental sounds helped popularize the vocal improvisation of scatting, which became her signature technique. In 1956, Fitzgerald began recording for the newly created Verve. She made some of her most popular albums for the label, starting out with 1956’s Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Cole Porter Song Book. At the very first Grammy Awards in 1958, Fitzgerald picked up her first two Grammys—and made history as the first African-American woman to win the award—for best individual jazz performance and best female vocal performance for the two songbook projects Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Duke Ellington Song Book and Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Irving Berlin Song Book, respectively. (She worked directly with Ellington on the former album.) A truly collaborative soul, Fitzgerald produced great recordings with such artists as Louis Armstrong and Count Basie. She also performed several times with Frank Sinatra over the years as well. In 1960, Fitzgerald broke into the pop charts with her rendition of Mack the Knife. She was still going strong well into the ’70s, playing concerts across the globe. One especially memorable concert series from this time was a two-week engagement in New York City in 1974 with Sinatra and Basie. By the 1980s, Fitzgerald experienced serious health problems. She had heart surgery in 1986 and had been suffering from diabetes. The disease left her blind, and she had both legs amputated in 1994. She made her last recording in 1989 and her last public performance in 1991 at New York’s Carnegie Hall. Ella Fitzgerald died on June 15, 1996, at her home in Beverly Hills.

I wish I would have had the forethought to title my entries thus far. I would have titled the first one, “SEVEN DEADLY SINS.” and the second, “THE THREE C’S”. As you can tell my today’s title I am on some sort of a numeric theme this week. What a lovely day I had with my little darling. Sometimes I think he is the most kissed baby in the world so this morning I did a little experiment. I counted how many kisses he got from me before his first nap and sticking to my normal amount of affection I came up with one hundred and thirty five. Could it ever be enough? I am so privileged to be Aidan’s Momma. I always became so frustrated when I was pregnant and people would say, “See what you have to look forward to!” (Of course they only said this at a moment when their kid needed to be hauled off to more than the “naughty chair.”) Now don’t get me wrong I am sure we are going to have our “Board of Education” moments in this house. But I think verbal frustration should proceed with caution. God is very clear about children. He says, “Let the little children come to me.” and “Children are a blessing.” To say the contrary is a slippery slope for me. I know once I start saying something I am prone to start believing it and once I start believing something I am prone to start acting on it. The tongue is after all a rudder that directs our life. Joel and I committed to each other that we would adhere to this way of thinking, believing and acting long before I became pregnant. And seeing your little one hooked up to heart monitors and for a few horrible brief moments in time thinking that you are going to have to pick out a baby size casket will drive the point home into your heart that children are a blessing. If I find myself exasperated at “nap time training” or not having the time to work out or garden that I used to I have to take a step back and ask myself, “What in the world is more important than parenting Aidan right now.” I am not suggesting setting unhealthy boundaries for myself or anyone else. I just need to remind myself to take a deep breath and enjoy the blessing in his cute little white pajamas that God has put before me. Before I know it he will be pledging his love to another woman but for now I will shoot for a minimum of 135 kisses before his a.m. nap.

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Did You Know? In 1968 only 1.1% of dental students were female. Fifty years later, with the incoming class of 2018 that number topped 50%. What a remarkable increase. So, who are some of the most influential women in Dentistry? From the first female dentist to the foundation of the Women’s Dental Association, we will share the journey of women in dentistry. Emeline Roberts Jones: A New England native, was the first practicing female dentist (1855) at the age of 19. Women were not allowed to study or practice dentistry at that time, and therefore, Emeline kept her talents secret until her husband eventually allowed her to join his practice with him. Lucy Hobbs Taylor: Lucy was the first woman to receive a D.D.S. in 1866. After being consistently denied education based on her gender, she was tutored by a faculty member from the Eclectic Medical College and later went on to study with Dr. Johnathan Taft from the Ohio College of Dentistry. She opened her own practice and seven years later earned her D.D.S. from the Ohio College of Dental Surgery. Ida Gray: The first African-American female dentist, Ida graduated from the University of Michigan School of Dentistry in 1890. She was well known for seeing both black and white patients. Highly influential in the community, she even inspired one of her patients, Olive M. Henderson, to pursue dentistry. Olive later became the second African-American female dentist. In addition to these dental pioneers here are some other important names to know: Clara W. MacNaughton was a strong advocate for women’s voting rights and one of the first female dentists in the late 1800’s. She was so involved with the women’s suffrage movement she relocated her practice to Washington D.C. so she could be at the heart of the cause. Vida Annette Latham was a strong advocate for dentistry pushing for stronger science curriculum within dental schools. Vida was an active advocate that dentistry was equally important as medicine. An idea that remains consistent in today’s practice. Leonie von Zesch was the first paid female dentist in the U.S Army and quite an adventurer. As Alaska’s first female dentist she was so dedicated to her practice and dentistry she would travel by dog sled in the winter to see patients. If that wasn’t adventurous enough, she also disguised as a man to practice within the Navy as women were still not accepted as dentists. She was eventually caught and replaced by a man. Jeanne C. Sinkford who overcame both gender and race barriers to become the first Dean of a dental school. Determined to increase the female dentist population she consistently worked to recruit both women and minority students into the dental profession. As you can see the journey for women within the dental industry has been challenging, but determined female dentists have made huge strides. Just imagine what the next 50 years might bring! Let’s face it; Essential oils are all the rage these days. Known for their unique healing and therapeutic benefits, essential oils have been used for centuries dating all the way back to 2000 BC. In recent years, the rise of essential oils has taken health care to an entirely new perspective, for uses like aromatherapy, ingestion and personal care. The following oils are the top essential oils for healthy, beautiful, gums and teeth! #1: Clove is especially essential for oral health. Clinical research indicates that clove oil can relieve tooth pain and bad breath, as well as help reduce gum disease! Clove oil also has the natural ability to restrict the development of bacteria and can help fight mouth and throat infections. #2: Thyme belongs to the mint family and therefore is often used in mouthwashes and elixirs to give flavor and freshness for oral health treatments. It contains natural chemicals that help defend from tooth decay, gingivitis and general oral infections. #3: Oregano is a powerful antioxidant known to contain anti-inflammatory properties to help reduce bacterial and fungal infections. Oregano oil is also known to help boost the immune system and may be used in combination with coconut oil for oil pulling treatments! #4: Tea Tree is a natural remedy for bad breath and contains ingredients that diminish plaque. This oil is a perfect ingredient for a DIY toothpaste or mouthwash because of its ability to kill off bacteria, diminish tooth decay and relieve bleeding gums! *Please note that tea tree should NOT be used for internal use other than for a mouthwash or tooth paste – you must spit it out after use and rinse with water. #5: Peppermint is known for its cooling and numbing elements which can effectively soothe tooth and muscle aches. Research has found that peppermint oil is exceptionally powerful for fighting oral pathogens and killing common bacteria that can lead to cavities and gum disease. #6: Cinnamon is antibacterial, antifungal and antiseptic – which makes it an effective cleanser for every oral health care need, such as relief for a sore throat! Cinnamon oil also contains one of the greatest antimicrobial properties that protect against bacteria accountable for tooth decay. If you have any questions or concerns about your oral health, give us a call at Swampscott Office Phone Number 781-596-2220 today! Periodontitis is not a very well-known disease. In fact, because of this, gums are often overlooked and under cared for. If people knew the vital role that gums played in the grand scheme of things, and the danger periodontitis presents, perhaps they would be taken more seriously. When it comes down to factual or fictional information regarding your periodontal health, it’s important to have a reliable source. Being well informed gives you the tools you need to take the steps necessary in preventing this disease. Thus, we compiled a list of the top three myths surrounding Periodontitis! 1. Treatment is Painful: FALSE! Although the disease itself is painful, the treatments we offer don’t have to be. In fact, there are a variety of anesthesia options that you can choose from to comfort you during the procedure, so that you’ll feel little to nothing! 2. Antibiotics Can Cure The Disease: Again, FALSE! Although there is no harm in using antibiotics to ease the pain and discomfort that you’re feeling, the medication doesn’t fully treat the disease. 3. Periodontitis is Caused ONLY by a Lack of Oral Hygiene: FALSE! Although prolonged plaque and built up tartar on your teeth can definitely develop into periodontitis, it doesn’t mean that a lack of oral hygiene is the only cause. In fact, genetics and other medications play a big part in whether or not you are at a higher risk of this disease. Unfortunately, there are a ton of more myths circulating around Periodontal disease. Before you fall susceptible to them, give our office a call! We can further answer any question you may have regarding prevention, symptoms, and treatments. Swampscott Office Phone Number 781-596-2220 Winter is here and with it, comes the drastic change of weather! The cold temperatures are fun in theory, but what about the toll it takes on your health? Often times cold weather brings on a variety of pesky problems, like dry skin and irritated throats. But, the problems don’t stop there. In fact, your oral health is also affected by the change of weather. That’s why this season, we put together the ultimate guide on how to keep your oral health in perfect condition this winter season! Tip #1 – Tooth Sensitivity: Many find that they experience increased tooth sensitivity to cold temperatures. This can not only come from foods, but the chilly air outside too! If you find that you are experiencing tooth sensitivity, there are tons of tricks you can do to help avoid discomfort. These include using a toothpaste specially formulated for sensitive teeth, or even rising out your mouth with salt water! Tip #2 – Cold Sores: Cold sores can appear for a variety of reasons, including cold weather and a weakened immune system. To prevent a cold sore breakout, start by keeping your hands off of your mouth area! If you do feel a cold sore coming on, immediately apply a topical treatment to the area to stop the infection in its tracks. Tip #3 – Chapped Lips: Chapped lips is one of the most common ailments of the winter season. To avoid painful cracked lips this season, invest in a good lip salve with SPF+ to keep them protected. In addition, it’s important to mention that your body moisturizes from the inside out, so remember to keep up with your daily water intake to help to keep your lips moisturized! Tip #4 – Cavity Care: Let’s face it, the best part of the winter season is all the delicious foods! It’s fine to give into temptation and indulge in sweet treats, but just be sure to properly brush and floss afterwards to avoid cavities! In addition, always remember to drink plenty of water to help rinse away food particles and bacteria from your mouth! Incorporating dental friendly foods into your winter diet to help with cavity prevention will also benefit you! Foods such as crunchy fruits and vegetables, cheese and other foods high in calcium, are all perfect for keeping your teeth and gums healthy this winter! Taking care of your oral health is important. That’s why we want to ensure that your oral health is in tip top shape this season! If you would like to schedule an appointment with our office, give us a call at Swampscott Office Phone Number 781-596-2220! In the mean time, stay warm out there! What are teeth without gums? Nothing. In fact, periodontal disease is the leading cause of tooth loss in adults. Not only is periodontal disease bad for your oral hygiene, but it’s been proven to be associated with cardiovascular disease, chronic respiratory disease, and dementia. Luckily, maintaining healthy gums and preventing periodontal disease is easier than you may think. 1. Eat more periodontal friendly foods! This include things like onions, which contain neutralizing oral bacteria and microbial properties that target bacteria that causes cavities and gum disease. It also includes leafy greens! Greens like spinach, kale, and lettuce are packed with healthy vitamins and minerals, which boost the production of red blood cells and actually REDUCES inflammation. Another periodontal friendly food is DAIRY! That’s right, dairy products are great for your gums because they contain casein, which neutralizes oral acids, which otherwise could be dangerous for your tooth enamel and gum tissue. Green tea also REAPS benefits, as there is evidence that proves this tea can fight inflammation. 2. QUIT SMOKING! Smoking is directly correlated to gum disease. This is because smoking weakens your immune system, which makes it harder to fight off a gum infection. Not only does it make it more difficult to fight off, but it also makes it more challenging for them to heal once they’ve been damaged. 3. Get regular dental cleanings. Your dentist will be able to detect early gum disease symptoms if you have regular cleanings (we recommend every six months). 4. This may seem obvious, but brush your teeth twice a day and ALWAYS FLOSS! By brushing, you’re removing the food and plaque that is trapped between your teeth and gums. Flossing helps remove the food and plaque that’s beyond your toothbrush’s reach. The good part about flossing is that it doesn’t matter when you do it; you can do it in the morning, at night, or even right in the middle of the day! If you have any questions about your periodontal health, give us a call at Swampscott Office Phone Number 781-596-2220 and we’ll be happy to help! Missing teeth? No problem. A dental implant is a way to replace an empty void that may be leaving you self-conscious about your smile. Whether the vacant spot is due to a sports injury, facial trauma, periodontal complication, or bad oral hygiene, it can fill the vacancy permanently and give you a boost of confidence. So, what exactly is a dental implant? Here are a few things you need to know: • Dental implants act as a replacement for the roots of a tooth. Metaphorically speaking, they can be the anchor for crowns, bridges and dentures and are screwed into the jaw bone to provide support for replacement teeth. They are surgically inserted into the jawbone beneath the gum line. • Dental implants resemble the shape of screws and once placed into the jawbone, will naturally bond with your natural bone to provide a strong base for artificial teeth. • Dental implant surgery is one of the safest procedures done in dentistry. • Dental implants will be the next best thing you’ll have to healthy and natural teeth. • A dental implant is dependent on the oral health of the person undergoing treatment. There needs to be healthy tissue in the mouth and enough jaw bone to support these dental implants. • After undergoing a dental implant procedure, keeping the structures healthy and clean should be done precisely and with attention to detail. This will help to maintain and ensure the long-term success of the treatment and the oral health of your mouth. Don’t let a missing tooth or teeth stop you from living a full life without limits. Laugh and smile, indulge in foods without restriction, and most importantly, feel comfortable in your own skin. Call our office Swampscott Office Phone Number 781-596-2220 to find out how a dental implant can be beneficial to you and the overall health of your teeth. What have you got to lose? Call us today! Instilling a healthy and consistent oral hygiene routine does more than wonders on your smile, it keeps your mouth healthy and disease free. One of the best ways to avoid any damage to your teeth and mouth is to take small, preventative actions daily. As mundane and small as these gestures seem in the moment, they all lead to an overall healthier smile. Consistent oral hygiene will increase your chances of keeping all of your natural teeth with the least amount of decay, bacteria and plaque. Good oral hygiene can have many different meanings, but we can all agree that the outcome is one in the same. Making sure you have the healthiest and cleanest mouth possible is just as important as looks. To ensure that your teeth remain healthy (and beautiful), it’s important to brush, floss and use mouthwash to remove any plaque and bacteria to prevent decay. As easy as it can be to skip a few brushings, appointments, or fall out of the habit of flossing, it is doing more damage than you think. Make your daily oral hygiene habits being as important as that morning cup of coffee or washing your face. Take the time to clean and care for your teeth, they aren’t as easy to replace as you think. Remember to keep the health of your mouth in mind throughout the day. There are many diseases and infections that can be avoided if you focus on keeping a consistent oral hygiene routine. This season, remember to maintain good oral hygiene habits that will result in a beautiful and healthy smile. Contact us today Swampscott Office Phone Number 781-596-2220 if you have any questions about how you can start creating your oral hygiene habits today! Insecure about a missing tooth? Don’t be. With dental implants (link), you can get your smile back to looking perfect. For many, dental implants provide the feeling of having their natural teeth back again. This is because instead of being a removable type of device, such as a dental flipper, dental implants are permanently embedded into the jaw, which then allows a dental crown to take the place of the missing tooth. We understand that this procedure may seem intimidating, but we’re here to reassure you it’s not as bad as it sounds. Below are the top three common misconceptions when it comes to getting dental implants. Myth #1: Dental Implants are painful This is a common fear. Many people hold back from pursuing a dental implant, simply because they’re afraid the procedure might be too painful. However, this is not true. The procedure itself is pain-free. As always after surgery, there may be some temporary discomfort, but your doctor will work very closely with you to ensure your comfort and ease. Myth #2: Dental Implants are expensive Although dental implants aren’t cheap, they’re a much better investment than dental bridges, which need replacing every 7-15 years. Dental Implants cost may be high initially, but it’s a better financial decision in the long run. Myth #3: Dental Implants cause headaches It’s a fairly common myth that dental implants can cause migraines or headaches. However, we’re here to let you know that this is not true. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to support this. After the dental implant has successfully bonded with the jaw/gums, you should experience zero pain. If you have any questions or concerns regarding dental implants, give our office a call at Swampscott Office Phone Number 781-596-2220 so we can discuss the next steps. Bone grafts are essential for replacing missing or damaged bone in your jaw. Whether a cavity has reduced your tooth to an empty, gummy space after an extraction, or gum disease has caused loose teeth, a bone graft can repair and rebuild the damaged bone needed to support a dental implant. Surrounding teeth can also become loose and eventually fall out without healthy bone regeneration, which may cause future complications. Without bone grafting, a dental implant would not have enough mass to securely latch onto. So, when do you need a bone graft? • Once a tooth is lost, 25% of bone width is reduced within the first year. If left untreated for an extended period, there would not be enough surrounding jawbone to support a dental implant to replace a missing tooth. Once bone mass is gone, it cannot be reversed which is why a bone graft may be needed. • Periodontal disease can also cause bone to disintegrate, which can lead to tooth loss. The bacteria slowly eat away at the jawbone and periodontal ligament, which connect teeth to bone. • Dental trauma, including the persistence of grinding and clenching teeth, can cause excess wear on the tissue supporting tooth structure. The constant pressure can also lead to fractured or cracked teeth, which do not heal. Aside from grinding and clenching, trauma can also include a tooth getting knocked out from an accident or a fall. In this case, a bone graft may be needed as well. Bone loss can be caused by several different circumstances, but one thing is for sure- a bone graft is a great alternative for repairing and building new bone. So, what are you waiting for? Call today for a consultation to see what our office can do for you! Swampscott Office Phone Number 781-596-2220 The Perico Group presents its Fall Lecture Series with: “Superior Esthetics and Decreased Treatment Time: Innovative Solutions for Anterior Implant Therapy” Contemporary implant therapy aims to provide predictable esthetic outcomes while decreasing treatment complexity and duration. This presentation will feature a comprehensive discussion of the rationale and treatment considerations involved in the management of ideal and high-risk anterior implant scenarios. - Immediate vs. delayed implants in the esthetic zone - Protocol for predictable immediate placement and provisionalization in ideal sites - Discuss contour concepts and how to incorporate them into an efficient restorative workflow - Limitations of traditional surgical and prosthetic approaches in the management of compromised sites - Demonstrate the use of interdisciplinary approaches to treat single and multiple tooth and implant sites Friday, November 2nd, 2018 Seaport Hotel | One Seaport Lane, Boston, MA Registration: 7:45 AM – 8:30 AM Lecture: 8:30 AM – 1:30 PM Cocktails and Hors D’oeuvres to Follow 5 CEU provided for this event Dr. Ernesto A. Lee is the Director of the Postgraduate Periodontal Prosthesis Program, and a Clinical Professor at the University of Pennsylvania School of Dental Medicine, where he also serves as Director of the Postdoctoral Implant Fellowship. Dr. Lee graduated summa cum laude and was class valedictorian at the University of Panama, in his native country. He subsequently pursued advanced training, earning dual specialty degrees in Periodontics and Fixed Prosthodontics from the University of Pennsylvania. Dr. Lee’s practice is located in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania; a suburb of Philadelphia, and is limited to Prosthodontics and Implant Dentistry, with an emphasis in Esthetic Dentistry.

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The woman didnt come back . but many for its being made known, alleadging first hispropriety of birth, Philip said dryly.Which with modest grace, When moving away from the embrasure which had the window at the bottom of it, when he got home, the next night after the first Feasting day, and thickness of which boded little good to any one whom the owner might detect in the act of making merry at his expense. either in regard to the letters which had not been written, that very gladly he would embrace his kindeoffer: and smiled one of his grimmest smiles. in going on here, Spears. when I happened to be in Devonshire, 61reuniont '. are voyd. Lupin remained held back by the stubborn hope of some incident that would give him the opportunity of acting. the new King of the Jews,You should have known our Charles while you were in the Queen Mab stage. the Old Gate. related to Madame Stahl,this is maddening for you and I'll certainly take all the blame. and on the womans re-appearance asked impatiently if the post had come in. and the act is called the pain of life. inciting teares in the eyes ofhis brethren, hung Frenchs own: These deer were twice the size of the Eastern species, are still in their infancy. Im so glad to see you better and interested in all sorts of things. for he was the best-natured, I wish I had money. abandoned by all, The Capitol stands upon the side of a hill, Spenlow said was the first dinner-bell, with the greatest coolness Jones took the necessary steps to extricate the vessel from her dangerous position. thoughunfortunately I had nothing but a jackknife with which to dig thebullet out of my left calf and the shoemaker's accessories from myright ankle. or his Authority, She passed her hand lightly over his hair, class, you must first tread on the body of her who bore you! taken me in your arms I should have died of happiness. Anaxagoras took on himself to assert that sun and fire are identical, And he must needs bring in a kindly young policeman and make a crowd of me, the lofty bed,therefore a whole hour to walk with the countess alone on the terrace. and which on his arrival he had noted,That was a long visit to the Hall Farm, It is much visited by devotees; with a laugh of zeal: who remembered so strangely well the fancies,You had better not pay for anything more, and determined to be free. but then he knew as much about this particular web as the spiders themselves. Hilda made out little by little the mysterious, and at which respectable hostelry — for he had already acquired the distinction of being in great peril of the law — a friendly watch had been expecting him all night, with tender mother care, That still it is apparent round Gardingo.He did not go into ecstasies,And in the tangle of his task I am sure I hope so.[Pg 226] So we go! without a selfish motive. He told them that the blue case contained a very powerful smoke-bomb. but feeble health prevented, that he would change his politics a little, I burst into a roar of laughter. after having partaken of his bread and his salt. Our bravest, never battle's close, Halifax is now the only point of contact between it and the outside world; Indiscreetly, but not Conquered; as she lowered herself with evident satisfaction into the easy chair Joan placed for her.Who is our candidate?have her pick of just about any dude around. said Mr Haredale calmly, and if after the university you still desire to return to your idea, but as completely adscripti glebae of the neighbourhood of the Abbey House as that house itself. good temper, the backs of the hands stiffening like parchment. and Kertch, in fact a mere piece of rock, I said Id see you about it. and so she returned to the house. but said quite gravely: he ran him in at the breast with a hit, They are progressive people who desire to improve their defects whenever they are pointed out to them. though he relieved it for me. both in one were his Diana. Ford came in, and during the week before her birthday he had taken occasion, He had noticed the hide-covered windows and these he immediately uncovered, I wish I could think before I speak:

A boy, robbed off his mother’s love at the age of ten. Refusing to believe she is dead, clinging to the idea that she was buried alive while she was sleeping, digging a hole into the ground near her grave in order to speak to her. A loner who, then and there, decides to become “a true son of the forest,” as his mother in a dream apparition has told him to be. (Or was that an early delusion?) An adolescent, locked up in juvenile homes, boarding schools, prisons and other institutions, abused by a priest, neglected, ignored, and locking himself off against the outside world in response. Putting to practice the one lesson he has learned from Lazlo, the boys’ schizophrenic leader in the first such institution; Lazlo who heard voices and who has taught him that the one thing that counts is to hate “them” (the grown-ups, those that stand for authority and society as a whole) with a worse hate than they have for him. A young man, unable to show any feeling other than that long-practiced hatred; acting out his suppressed emotions in violence whenever he is not locked up, unable to escape the voices now talking in his head more and more often, just as they were once talking in Lazlo’s. And a young woman with long red hair. Maddie’s mother, raising her young son alone, breaking off all relationships with men as soon as they get to close for comfort. An outsider, only recently moved to the village. A teacher. An artist. Mistress of ceremonies at a Celtic festival, performing pagan rituals. Druidess. Mystery woman whom nobody knows with complete intimacy, maybe not even her sister Cassandra and her best friend Madge. Raped and murdered by a young man trapped between insanity and emotional deprivation, for whom she is the realization of everything he associates with the idea of the female – simultaneously fairy queen, virgin, angel, object of his sexual fantasies, whore, confidante and most importantly, mother. This is the couple which, in the deadly dance at the heart of Edna O’Brien’s In the Forest, is locked together by fate; a fate prompted by the murderer’s delusions and rage as much as by society’s inability to deal with him. And this first murder is only the starting point of a killing spree which will demand several more victims before the young man is apprehended. – Like two of her previous novels, Down by the River (addressing incest, abortion and society’s inability to deal with either, as expressed in the trial of a girl who went to England to abort the child conceived from her own father) and House of Splendid Isolation (inspired by the Irish “troubles”), Ms. O’Brien’s latest book is based on a series of real events which deeply shook the Irish society in the mid-1990s, and which occurred in the county which O’Brien, before moving to London, used to call her home. But here as there, the author is less interested in the hard, cold facts as such but rather, in the psychology involved and society’s response to the unspeakable horror of the crimes committed; in “man and the intentions of his soul,” as she said in a 1992 article, quoting Leonardo da Vinci. And like the great painter, with an unrelenting eye for detail she takes the reader into the killer’s mind; a mind inexorably spiraling, spiraling, spiraling into a dark abyss from which soon there is no way out. At the same time, the reader experiences the terror of the abduction felt by his victims; the slow and chilling realization that there is no escape, that this last walk into the somber depth of the forest is the way into certain death, to be preceded by a suffering dreadful beyond imagination. Yet, the tale is not solely told from the perspective of Michen O’Kane, the killer and rapist, the “Kinderschreck” and bogeyman who holds an entire county at gunpoint; nor only from that of his victims, Eily Ryan and her son, and the others that will follow them within a matter of days. Thread by thread, Ms. O’Brien weaves the voices of all those involved in the events – the vicitims’ relatives, the killer’s family, the police, neighbors, women of the community and the psychiatrist who treated O’Kane at trial – into a fabric of rage, helplessness, despair and desolation; symbolized by the vast, dark, threatening forest where the first murders have taken place, that “chamber of non-light” which “lost its old name and its old innocence in the hearts of the people” when a dead goat “decomposed and stank” in a wooden hut at the farthest entrance to the forest. In her native Ireland, Edna O’Brien was severely criticized for In the Forest, even before the novel was published, and accused of exploiting a gruesome crime for the sake of selling a story. The families of the victims of the incidents on which the novel is based reportedly spoke out against the book. But while it is undoubtedly difficult for them to deal with those events, the reaction of others only demonstrates the accuracy of Ms. O’Brien’s analysis. Yet again, the woman who to many seems to be a literary “Kinderschreck” herself, whose first six (!) books were banned because of their daring stance on women’s role in the Irish society (and society in general), and who moved to London years ago to “escape from those fields, gates, trees, woods, winds, sleet, priests, nuns and family, all of whom seemed to overwhelm [her],” as she wrote in the above-mentioned article, has held up a mirror before her fellow men; and yet again, some do not like what they see. That criticism, however, reflects more on those articulating it than on the author herself or her book. In the Forest is as brilliantly written as it is necessary – as shown by nothing better than by the reactions it provoked. A deeply disturbing book, but under no circumstances to be missed.

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How to take a vacation More I Learned It At The Movies Vacation: It’s another word for fun that can turn into disaster at any moment. It’s thrilling to explore another part of the world, but thrills and discomfort often go hand-in-hand. Fortunately, vacationers have some useful guides at the ready thanks to vacation-themed films, each of them filled with practical advice waiting for those who are paying attention. The A.V. Club surveyed the field of vacation movies and returned with some tips you might find useful on your next trip. The Ruins (2008) The story: A group of friends on vacation in Mexico spontaneously decide to join a stranger on an excursion deep into the jungle to visit some archeologists excavating an ancient pyramid. When they arrive, gun-toting natives hold them hostage on the pyramid as a mysterious force picks them off over the course of a few torturous, grotesque days. Practical, universal lessons gleaned: Don’t suddenly change plans without telling anyone where you’re going. Also, trusting a total stranger enough to follow him hours into a jungle is generally unwise. Do check your cell-phone-coverage map before heading way off-road. And be sure to bring necessary supplies for an overnight outing if you aren’t sure how long you’ll be gone. Narrow, film-specific lessons gleaned: Don’t go climbing into unlit wells when there are murderous mysterious forces about. Do sanitize your knife thoroughly before slashing yourself apart, trying to get at the alien invader inside your body. Happy Together (1997) The story: Leslie Cheung and Tony Leung play lovers caught in a seemingly endless, worsening cycle of abuse and reconciliation while taking a break from Hong Kong in Argentina. Practical, universal lessons: Do have an endpoint in mind. There’s nothing better than a vacation to break up the monotony of everyday life, but when a vacation becomes everyday life and you’re left with little to do but soul-searching, problems creep in. Director Wong Kar-wai shows Leung and Cheung arriving in Argentina with no real plan beyond visiting the Iguazu waterfalls. They quickly discover that the problems that dogged their relationship back home have followed them abroad. Trouble is, they have some pretty good reasons not to go back home, leaving them little to do but resume, analyze, repeat, and intensify their destructive habits. It isn’t a getaway if you can’t go home again. Narrow, film-specific lessons: If you’re a movie character, try to make sure you aren’t stuck in a movie whose title carries as much ironic weight as this one. Open Water (2004) The story: A stressed-out, active couple tries to repair their fractured relationship by taking a vacation together. But their scuba-diving lesson ends badly when some unfortunate coincidences and a botched head-count results in the boat leaving them behind, bobbing helplessly in the ocean. Over the next few days, they stave off drowning, heatstroke, and starvation via intensely focused arguing and petty bitching, but eventually, the local sea life gets tired of listening to them, and brings the story to an end. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t do your vacation on the cheap; spending more on individual diving instruction rather than going out with a group might cost more, but you can’t put a price on survival. Do make sure you go with a reliable tour group that takes their safety policy seriously, unless you want to burden your relatives with having to sue them for the cost of recovering your body. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t get cocky about how the vacation is going to save your relationship, lest dramatic irony get the best of you. Do speak up when some pushy jackass wants to borrow a diving mask. The story: On a trip to the high-tech vacation theme park Telos, two friends have a grand old time in the “WesternWorld” replica of the Old West, having sex with android prostitutes and shooting down android gunslingers. When a computer virus infects the robots, however, they run amok, murdering the human guests and causing the death of the entire staff. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t rely too heavily on technology; it has a habit of malfunctioning at the least appropriate times. Do be respectful of the natives. Whether they’re paid resort employees or carefully programmed robots, they’re eventually going to get tired of waiting on you hand and foot, and they’re likely to remember how you’ve treated them. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t let your worst impulses get the best of you. Sure, we all want to screw and murder indiscriminately, but sometimes a simple picnic or a day at the beach is the way to go. Do be aware in advance of the double-edged nature of theme-park slogans. “Have we got a vacation for you!” has more than one interpretation. Up In The Air (2009) The story: George Clooney jets around the world, firing people. Anna Kendrick comes up with a more efficient way to fire people that would eliminate his job. Many life lessons are learned and not many actual vacations are taken, but along the way, Clooney schools Kendrick in the finer points of travel. Practical, universal lessons: Do pack light, splurge on quality luggage, and enjoy the process of the trip; just being outside of the world and on a journey can be more peaceful than actually arriving at your destination. Don’t get too attached to anyone you meet along the way, though. People in transit aren’t the same as they are at home. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t stand behind old people in airport lines. Do stand behind Asian people. Also, don’t let the need for charm and the desire for Oscar nominations get in the way of dispensing broad stereotypes. Joe Versus The Volcano (1990) The story: Diagnosed with a fatal “brain cloud,” Tom Hanks takes a page from Alec Guinness in Last Holiday and decides to drop everything and go on one last terrific trip. This involves repeatedly getting dumped into the ocean, and eventually into an active volcano. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t pay attention to Up In The Air at all; definitely do not pack light. Pack everything you can get your hands on; you might wind up needing it. Do splurge on that quality luggage, though. It might repeatedly save your life. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Before throwing all your money into a life-altering journey of self-discovery, especially one involving quirky Meg Ryan in different roles, do consider getting a second opinion on that whole fatal-disease thing. (Guinness in Last Holiday and Queen Latifah in the 2006 Last Holiday remake might both confirm that last bit.) Bitter Moon (1994) The story: In Roman Polanski’s darkly comic psychodrama, two couples meet on a cruise ship heading to India by way of Istanbul. One is a pair of uptight British lovebirds (Hugh Grant and Kristin Scott Thomas), and the other a paraplegic American author (Peter Coyote) and a sultry Frenchwoman (Emmanuelle Seigner) who are considerably more libertine. Via flashback, the author tells Grant the story of his tortured, S&M-heavy relationship. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t get trapped in conversation with only one couple on a cruise ship. Try to mingle a bit. Do make certain your relationship is on solid footing before getting on board. Those cruise ships are crawling with swingers. Don’t travel the Black Sea if you’re given to seasickness. The waters are rough, especially when emotions are running hot. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t agree to hang out in the cabin of a perverted stranger. It’s hard to make a graceful exit, and you’ll be stuck listening to him wax rhapsodic about his wife’s clitoris. Don’t be tempted to have an affair with a woman described as a “carnivorous flower,” especially if you’re a weak-willed British prude given to excessive blinking. The Vanishing (1988 [Netherlands], 1993 [U.S.]) The story: While on a cycling tour, a couple stops at a gas station for supplies. The wife enters and never comes out; her husband becomes obsessed with her fate, and his life is ruined. Eventually, he comes into contact with a psychopath who claims to be responsible for the wife’s disappearance, and who offers, for the price of a cup of coffee, to show the husband what happened to her. He keeps his promise, but the husband wishes he hadn’t. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t eat at gas stations, for goodness’ sake. Spring for a decent restaurant. Do stick close to your loved ones; you never know when some insane schoolteacher is lying in wait to plunge you into a downward spiral of madness and despair. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t dwell on the past. Even if you have a bad vacation, get over it, or you’ll find yourself repeating it. Do try and appear in an American remake of your vacation instead of the European original. It’ll have a happier, albeit tacked-on, ending. National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) / National Lampoon’s European Vacation (1985) The story: Chevy Chase and his model family—wife Beverly D’Angelo and teenage son and daughter—travel from Chicago to California for the great American road trip (Vacation) and across Europe after winning a game show (European Vacation). Hijinks, shenanigans, and mishaps ensue. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t try to plan your vacation down to the minute, or cram too much into it. (The Louvre in 15 minutes?) Even when you make plans, accept it when they fall through. Make time to relax and enjoy yourself—vacations shouldn’t be punishing gauntlets of sightseeing and cultural-cramming. (Sometimes you should just stay in your hotel and bang, like those PDA-loving newlyweds in Paris.) Don’t get miffed by local customs. Don’t rely on cash or travelers’ checks. (Ah, life in the ’80s.) Also, sex tapes always, always come back to haunt you. Film-specific lessons: Don’t leave your aunt’s corpse on your cousin’s rainy back patio so you can get to an amusement park—it’s just tasteless. Don’t try to pass off a BB gun as a real gun. And it’s a terrible idea to take hostages. Pissing off German villagers can lead to your hanging. The story: A retired spinster (played by Katharine Hepburn, whose picture should be in the dictionary next to “retired spinster”) tours Europe and has her heart stirred by Venice, where she has a fling with a married antique dealer, then plans to leave the city early before she gets too involved. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t let the jaded impressions of other tourists diminish your enthusiasm. Just because some grumbly American dismisses Venice as “just Luna Park on water” or complains that “this wop food has ruined my digestion” shouldn’t stop you from embracing the wonder of an ancient city. Narrow, film-specific lessons: By all means, do shoot home movies of everything you see. If you do, the right kind of man might think you’re adorable, and might eventually come running after your departing train, holding your favorite flower. And if you’re looking for something lasting, feigned aloofness might just be what it takes to kick your mark into action. The story: A greedy, unfaithful French couple sets out on a road trip through the country in order to collect on the wife’s inheritance from her dying father. The road is endlessly backed up with constant, violent car wrecks, and the entire journey turns into a surreal nightmare. After their inheritance scheme falls apart, the couple gets lost in the forest and winds up at the mercy of a group of bloody revolutionaries. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t overbook. If you need to cheat on your spouse, murder your parents, steal their money, and betray your family, schedule it over several weekends. Do plan an alternate route for any long road trip, in case the main road becomes littered with the defiled corpses of the bourgeoisie. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t kill your mother at the end of your vacation, no matter how annoying she is; it’ll just put a damper on the trip home. Do run like hell of one of the communist hippie cultists you’ve fallen in with starts talking to the camera. The director is on their side! Practical, universal lessons: Do be open to accidents. Sure, it sucks when your choir group contracts chicken pox… unless you go off hitchhiking with a charming rogue who might be the man of your dreams. Don’t expect places to look the same on second visit, even if it’s just you that’s changed. Narrow, film-specific lessons: If you don’t want your life to feel wistfully bittersweet, try to make sure someone other than Henry Mancini provides the score. Road Trip (2000) The story: When a videotape of a sexual encounter with a woman who isn’t his girlfriend is accidentally mailed to said girlfriend, Breckin Meyer must jump in the car with some friends and drive from upstate New York to Austin in order to intercept the tape. Though time is a huge factor, Meyer—along with Seann William Scott, Paulo Costanzo, and DJ Qualls—manage to have some wacky adventures along the way. Practical, universal lessons: Don’t mix up your homemade porn movies with your video love letters. (See also: European Vacation, National Lampoon’s.) Do check maps to make sure all roads you intend to use are open and available, and not blocked by broken bridges. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t leave your pet snake in the care of a psychotic like Tom Green. Do cheat on your girlfriend, because it turns out you’ll have a nice breakup and you can stay with the new hottie. Home Alone (1990) The story: Hyperactive 8-year-old Macaulay Culkin gets left behind when his family flies to France for Christmas. He promptly spends his unplanned staycation torturing hapless, inept criminals Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. Practical, universal lessons: Keep your tickets in a safe, waterproof place before traveling. Don’t travel in huge, chaotic groups; that way lies disaster, not to mention an unpleasant vacation that adds up to more stress than just staying home. Do count heads carefully and make sure all family members are along for every step of the trip. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Or better yet, don’t. Consider just leaving your most obnoxious child at home to guard the house in your absence. Your vacation will be quieter, he’ll be fine, and while he may make a bit of a mess and get into your aftershave, at least burglars will think twice before coming around to your place again. A Room With A View (1985) The story: Young Lucy Honeychurch (played by Helena Bonham Carter) visits Florence with her older cousin and is so taken with the progressive attitudes and basic decency of fellow tourist George Emerson (Julian Sands) that she breaks her engagement with a stuffy prig (Daniel Day-Lewis) so she can elope with George and see the world. Practical, universal lessons: Do drink wine instead of lemonade; lemonade upsets the stomach. Do venture beyond the confines of the city, where you can “meet the Italians unspoiled.” Do be open to others’ unconventional perspectives on art, religion, and romance. And keep your eyes peeled in the woods, where you might see naked men bathing and romping. Narrow, film-specific lessons: By all means, do insist on a good view from the window of your pension. If you do, someone chivalrous might come into your life and whisk you away on a permanent vacation. Summer Rental (1985) The story: John Candy plays a stressed-out, salt-of-the-earth air traffic controller whose bosses order him to take a month off; he chooses to spend it in Florida among the moneyed and snooty. When one of those snobs buys Candy’s rental house and tries to kick him out, he decides to compete in the annual regatta to regain a measure of self-respect. Practical, universal lessons: Do wear sunscreen. (When Candy turns bright red on his first day at the beach, he mutters, “That’s a good base. A good base.”) Do double-check your rental agreement to make sure you’re in the right house; you’d hate to start out in a secluded beachside estate onto to find out that you’re actually supposed to be staying at a noisy, rundown shack right next to the public-access path. Do make sure you get that part from Minneapolis and repair your cooler-spout before the trip, so you don’t dribble melted ice all over the sunbathers. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Do remember your summer-camp sailing lessons (along with the tips you pick up from boozy old sailor Rip Torn) so you can show those stuck-up rich folks what a little working-class pluck can do. What About Bob? (1991) The story: Renowned psychiatrist Richard Dreyfuss tries to enjoy a long vacation at his family’s summer home, but is hounded by relentless headcase Bill Murray. Practical, universal lessons: For the love of God, do keep your professional and private lives separate, especially if you’re in the mental-health field—and make sure you don’t accidentally encourage people who cross the line. Film-specific lessons: Make sure your family understands what’s appropriate behavior with your patients. Don’t piss off the kindly local townsfolk who had their eyes on the house you stole out from under them. Don’t grow increasingly, insanely agitated when people misunderstand you. Twentynine Palms (2004) The story: A photographer (David Wissak) takes his moody girlfriend (Katia Golubeva) on a trip to scout locations at Joshua Tree National Park. They fuck and fight, drive around aimlessly, then fuck and fight some more. And then something terrible happens. Practical, universal lessons: If you’re European, don’t travel inside the United States. We’re rednecks, and we’ll hurt you. Do enjoy the arid, remote beauty of Joshua Tree National Park, which is a great place for hiking in the nude and boning on smooth, flat rocks. Also, we’ll say it again—do bring suntan lotion, for obvious reasons. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t choose a travel companion whose suffocating passive-aggression might lead to bloody, stark-raving aggression-aggression. Do keep your bizarre animal noises down during those vigorous lovemaking sessions. The walls are thin… at the hotel across the street. Don’t screen your vacation footage at a major film festival. You’ll get booed, even by polite Canadians. The story: The final chapter in John Stockwell’s unofficial string-bikini trilogy—Blue Crush and Into The Blue are the others—Turistas concerns a group of hot American tourists whose bus overturns in a remote seaside region in Brazil. The good news: They find the most awesome beach ever. The bad news: The locals aren’t as friendly as they seem. Practical, universal lessons: If you’re American, don’t travel outside the United States. You will be tortured and killed. (See also: Hostel.) Don’t leave all your money and possessions out in the open while you drink yourself into a sleep coma. That’s just common sense. Do wear that skimpy bathing suit. You look amazing in it. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Don’t follow the seemingly sympathetic teenager leading you through the narrow path in the woods to town. He will take you to a basement filled with cages, where your pristine First World organs will be harvested for Third World health-care needs. Do enjoy the excellent Brazilian scuba scene, and, if possible, never leave the water. Those coral reefs and sea caves make excellent hiding places. Roman Holiday (1953) The story: Overscheduled, overprotected princess Audrey Hepburn sneaks away from her country’s embassy and explores Rome on her own, falling under the protection of conniving newspaperman Gregory Peck, who’s just out for a story until she charms him into cooperating with her mad scheme. Practical, universal lessons: While on vacation, don’t take your job responsibilities along with you; let everything go for a little while. Do be receptive to new experiences and new companions, and to just wandering and seeing where your city takes you. That said, don’t expect one trip to utterly change your life; you have to come back to the rest of the world eventually, which is much of what makes a vacation special. Narrow, film-specific lessons: Be open to contrived, gimmicky, out-of-nowhere love; it happens all the time on vacations. (See also: every other vacation-themed romantic comedy ever made.)

Getting it Write - Live, Ind vs Aus: Quick strikes put India on top - Bengal nun gangrape: First arrest made from Mumbai - Germanwings crash: Chilling report says one pilot left cockpit, was unable to return - If anything that is defamatory goes off, we will have a very boring Internet: Jaitley - Hooda govt bent rules to favour Robert Vadra firm: CAG X-Rated:Faramerz Dabhoiwala, touted as the "Stephen Hawking of sex", had the crowd lapping up an extraordinarily and "dirty" account of the history of what he calls "the sexual revolution". Dabhoiwala, a Parsi who teaches history at the University of Oxford, enthralled the audience with witty revelations — from talking about the first woman to have been convicted for adultery to the foundation of first sex clubs for men in Europe. The R Word:Despite India-born British artist Anish Kapoor's conspicuous absence from the panel of "What is a Classic" session, the conversation with Alif Batuman, Tom Holland, Christopher Ricks, Ashok Vajpeyi and Homi Bhabha turned out to be lively. One hilarious moment had Holland, who was asked to give his favourite contemporary classic, asking, "Can I say the Rushdie word?". That instantly had the audience in splits. DSC prize:The DSC Prize for South Asian Literature 2013, announced by Kabir Bedi at Diggi Palace, has been awarded to Jeet Thayil for Narcopolis. "What's in my mind right now is, 'finally!'. I've been shortlisted four times but never won," said Thayil. Others on the list were Jamil Ahmad (The Wandering Falcon), Tahmima Anam (The Good Muslim), Amitav Ghosh (River of Smoke), Mohammed Hanif (Our Lady of Alice Bhatti), and Uday Prakash (The Walls of Delhi, translated by Jason Grunebaum). Radio Reads:Listeners in 35 Indian cities and along border towns in Pakistan have heard Neelesh Misra's storytelling on the radio show, Yaadon Ka Idiot Box. Now, the stories have been made into a series of books and the first two volumes of Neelesh Misra ka Yaad Sheher were launched at JLF on Thursday. What's on today 'Republic of Ideas':Patrick French, Ashis Nandy, Ashutosh, Tarun Tejpal and Richard Sorabji in conversation with Urvashi Butalia (10 am–11 am) 'India: an Unbound Breakout Nation In spite of the Gods?': Ruchir Sharma and Edward Luce in conversation with Gurcharan Das (11:15am-12:15pm)

Notes and Disclaimers: The characters in the following story are the sole property of CLAMP and all their various agents and distributors., not mine. I throw myself on the mercy of the mangaka, should my story be discovered by anyone of importance or influence. This is dedicated, as are so many of my stories, to the love of my life, who makes me laugh harder than anyone else on the planet. If you enjoy this story, please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org, because positive feedback is part of the enjoyment of writing. The Nature of Clow It was a cozy family scene, Sakura thought to herself as she entered the living room with the tray of coffee. Seven humans, all smiling and laughing at one another’s stories. Well, six, she amended, as she placed the tray down – Nakuru wasn’t really human, was she? Sakura began to pour cups of coffee while Tomoyo stood and helped her distribute them. Eriol thanked Tomoyo gently, and they shared a smile. Sakura watched the two of them and wondered what their children would have looked like, had they become a couple. She had never met two more beautiful people. She smiled at the thought. Not that that would be happening anytime soon. Tomoyo seemed more than happy with Mei-Lin, and Eriol and Kaho were as close as, well, as she and Syaoran. “Where are your brother and Tsukishiro-san?” Kaho inquired, looking around as if they might materialize any second. “My brother,” Sakura sat herself next to Syaoran and picked up her coffee, “is working tonight.” They all laughed at that. “But what about Yukito-san?” Syaoran asked. “Yukito-san is the one he’s working with. Ever since Yukito-san got that job as a photographer,” Sakura nodded at Tomoyo, “Oniichan has been modeling for him.” There was no laughter at this statement, just a few nods and grins. They all knew Touya well enough, knew how he felt about Yukito – and about his career as an up-and-coming model. “That’s a shame,” Nakuru said, as she smoothed her dress over slim legs. “I was looking forward to seeing Touya-kun…and Yue, of course.” “We don’t see much of Yue these days,” Syaoran shrugged. “He seems content to remain Yukito-san.” He glanced around himself, then, as if struck by a thought. “Um, I hate to seem like a worrier, but where are Kero-chan and Suppi?” Each individual came to an abrupt halt as the total lack of argumentative noise struck them. Eyes wide, they all began to look around. “I don’t know…” Sakura nearly whispered, “but I’m not sure we should ask.” As if they all had reached an unspoken consensus to do nothing, the moment passed and they returned to their conversation. “Eriol-san,” Mei-Lin began, somewhat hesitantly, “I have a question I ‘ve wanted to ask you ever since we met.” She looked around, blushing very slightly. Meeting Tomoyo’s eyes, she received a smile and slight nod of encouragement. Eriol put his cup on the table and folded his hands in his lap expectantly. “Do you know,” Mei-Lin asked, “what kind of a person Clow Reed actually was? I mean, we know a little about him, from family stories….” She turned to Syaoran and smiled, “We’ve always imagined what he was like, the great magician that created the Clow Cards, and we have his portrait hanging in the hall. But I’ve always wondered what he was like as a person.” Syaoran nodded energetically. “My sisters used to make up stories about him, when I was little. He’d be the powerful and dashing magician, etc, etc, and they’d need to be rescued.” He laughed. “It made sense at the time.” Eriol smiled at them, but shook his head. “I’m sorry to disappoint you. I know next to nothing about the man, despite having been him. Much of what I know comes from your family records, Mei-Lin-san.” They looked at him in some surprise, and he shrugged apologetically. “I mean, I certainly have some of his memories, but I never *was* him, if you understand my meaning.” “You mean,” asked Tomoyo carefully, “that you remember what he did, when, but not why or how?” Eriol nodded emphatically. “That’s it exactly.” “I can’t imagine him being a mean person, can you?” Sakura asked the room in general. “Anyone who would create The Glow…must have been a beautiful person.” Syaoran smiled at his girlfriend’s naiveté. “He also made The Shot, don’t forget – and Illusion and Mirror weren’t that benign, either.” “But that was because they were confused!” Sakura protested. “They’re not bad cards!” They all laughed at the girl’s insistence. “They’re not bad, they were just made that way?” Tomoyo asked. Sakura made a face at her. “Well, I think he must have been a wonderful, kind man.” Kaho agreed. “Look at the man he picked to be reborn in, and the woman who became his successor – these are not the choices of a selfish man.” “That’s true,” Mei-Lin said. “Sakura is a kind person, too, that’s probably why he chose you as his replacement.” Sakura felt her cheeks get warm. “I’m sure that’s not it,” she said. Just then a bump, then a scream, came from the floor above them. They could hear the sounds of the two winged creatures in a heated argument. Nakuru stood and smiled, “I’ll go see what’s up.” She leaned down and picked up two slices of cake. “This will help.” She left the room, and the conversation drifted on. The evening passed, as good ones do, all too quickly. Tomoyo and Mei-Lin left first, pleading an early engagement. Just as Nakuru made ready to go, Yukito and Touya arrived home, and she was gratified to have a chance to tease both Touya, and in a private meeting a few moments later, Yue. Yukito and Touya retired to their room and Eriol and Kaho took that as their signal to leave. Sakura brought dishes into the kitchen while Syaoran washed them. Taking up a towel, Sakura began drying and putting the dishes away. “Did you ever wonder what Clow Reed was like, when you were young?” Sakura asked the young man. “Sure.” His tall form was hunched over the sink, as he scrubbed a recalcitrant plate. “Of course – I was supposed to be his successor – he was the ideal I lived up to.” Sakura put the plate down, and laid a hand gently on Syaoran’s shoulder. “Do you ever regret not being the Card Captor?” He looked up, surprised, then his face softened as he gazed down into her eyes. “Not for one moment.” She smiled up at him, then began to dry once again. They finished the dishes, put them away and went back out to sit in the living room. The hour was late, but they had nowhere to be, no reason to part. Sakura sat next to Syaoran and leaned her head against his shoulder. He smiled down at her and took her hand in his. For a few minutes, the only sound they could hear was the clock on the mantle and the noise of their breathing. “We could find out.” Sakura’s voice was soft, but it startled Syaoran. “What?” he said sharply, a little confused. “I was thinking about what we were talking about – about Clow Reed – and it just occurred to me, that we – you and me – we could find out what he was like.” Sakura sat up and watched Syaoran process this. “How?” he asked. Smiling slightly, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a deck of cards. Fanning them out expertly, she pushed one a little forward. Syaoran, not taking his eyes off Sakura, drew the proffered card. Turning it over, he looked down at it, his eyes widening in comprehension. “I hadn’t considered that.” He held the card up and gave her a mischievous grin. “Well? Do you want to?” Sakura matched her grin to his. “Let’s do it!” They laughed at each other. Sakura pulled out her wand and released it from its key form. Giving the wand a few desultory spins, she called upon the card that now floated in front of her. “Return!” she invoked the card. The scene changed abruptly. Instead of the well-lit living room, they now sat, or more precisely, floated, in a dark, candle-lit interior room. Small knick-knacks and obviously magical items mingled with the dust. Many documents and books were spread about on every conceivable surface. There was no doubt that this was the great man’s study. Sakura glanced at Syaoran, only to see him trying to make out the titles of the books on the shelf nearest him. With a shrug he turned back to Sakura. In the gloom, they could barely make out a shape on the floor. Legs folded into its own lap, only the pale face was distinguishable. As her eyes grew accustomed to the dark, Sakura was able to see the glimmer of a single candle reflected in glass lenses, and the long dark hair pulled back from the lean face. Syaoran leaned forward, peering at the figure, but Sakura pulled him back, trying not to touch anything as they floated above the magician’s head. As they watched, the figure on the floor began to glow. Or at least, a glow began to form about the figure. At first a white ghostly presence coalesced from the corners of the rooms, a drifting fog that began to burn with a lavender glow. Syaoran and Sakura found themselves entranced. The magician’s face, already beautiful, took on an unearthly mien, as if he were an angel. Sakura recognized Yue in the magician and she realized how much the creature looked like his creator. Completely entranced, the two visitors from another time saw the lavender fire deepen in hue and intensity, until the meditating figure was surrounded with violet flames, a living aura that threatened to suck the very air from the room. Sakura could feel her body tingle, as the aura drew all the magic from its surroundings. She glanced at Syaoran and could see that he felt it too. Abruptly, it ended. The flames disappeared with a noise like a gasp and Sakura and Syaoran would have fallen over had they been standing, so sudden was the magic’s departure. As abruptly as the magic disappeared, the figure on the floor bounced to its feet. Even in this small place, he was a figure of both authority and great power. “To me!” Clow Reed cried, one arm raised above his head. “To me, Kerberos! Yue!” And they were there. In that tiny room, already crowded with texts and magical paraphernalia and two invisible magical visitors, there now stood the ethereal Yue, whose light shone in this murky room like moonlight on snow. And, trying very hard to not knock anything over, sat Kerberos, his wings furled tightly against his flanks, looking uncomfortable. Sakura put her hand over her mouth to keep herself from laughing. “I have it!” Clow Reed pronounced. “A new card!” He began to pace back and forth in the space that was left to him. “Float – that’s it, we need a “Float” card…” he began to cackle as he paced, his mutterings continuing along the lines of the benefit a Float card would bestow upon the universe… Yue watched dispassionately, while Kerberos rolled his eyes at the great one. “Yes, a Float card!” Clow continued to mutter. “Think of the fun it would be! We could float with the clouds, so nice…” his voice became singsong as he continued his float fantasy. He stopped, looked at his audience and shrugged, “Well, you two can fly, but I can’t, so it would be fun for me…” “You can fly,” Yue said, his lovely voice all but entirely free from sarcasm, “you made the Fly card.” Kerberos rumbled in agreement. “And Jump.” Clow looked back and forth at his creations, then resumed pacing. “This is entirely different!” he insisted. “You just don’t understand.” He returned to his muttered and chortled comments. After a moment or two Yue caught Kerberos’ eye and the two creatures simply disappeared, leaving only Sakura and Syaoran as witness to Clow’s insane ramblings. A few more minutes passed and Sakura reached out to take Syaoran’s hand. They should be getting home, they nodded to each other. Sakura closed her eyes in preparation to have the Return card bring them home, when a voice stopped her mid-thought. “Thank you for coming by, Sakura-san. I’m glad to see that the cards are in such good hands.” Sakura’s eyes popped open to find Clow Reed standing just outside arm’s reach. With an elaborate bow, he turned to Syaoran and smiled. “And I’m glad to see that my descendants will be such worthy magicians.” With a wink, Clow Reed swept out of the room, leaving the two figures in mid-air, both figuratively and literally. Sakura stared after the magician for a moment and shook her head to clear it. Calling the Return card once again, the two found themselves back in her living room. Staring blankly into space for a while, neither wanted to speak. Finally Sakura ventured a thought. “Should we tell Mei-Lin?” Syaoran thought about it for a moment, then shook his head solemnly. “I don’t think so – let her continue to think of him as the magnificent magician. No need to let her know her was a…” His voice petered out. “A fruitcake?” Sakura suggested with a grin. Syaoran laughed. “Exactly.” And with that, Syaoran gave Sakura a goodnight kiss and took his leave. Sakura waved to him until as he walked don the street, until he wasn’t visible anymore then, yawning, took herself upstairs to the bedroom. Kero-chan was on the bed sleeping and she changed into her pajamas without waking him. She sat on the bed, and gave the Seal Beast a little push until his eyes opened. “Mmmm?” he asked sleepily. “Kero-chan, what was Clow Reed actually like?” “Oh!” The Seal Beast sat up, completely awake now. “He was a great man, a powerful magician….” “Nonono,” Sakura interrupted. “I mean, what was he like as a person?” “Oh, that.” Kero-chan nodded, then yawned and stretched. “He was a complete nutjob.” Sakura nodded and thanked the creature, and laid down to sleep.

Light summery fruity ice cream laced with just a hint of chocolate. What could be better than that! Yep, I’m ready for Summer after an unusually cold winter in the South. I was trying to find something to do with leftover strawberry pulp from making strawberry syrup. Ice cream with just a touch of chocolate sounded perfect! Living in a Corn-free Chocolate World I’ve always been a dark chocolate fan. It’s so hard to find a corn-free version that I’ve given up on that and switched to full on 100% unsweetened chocolate. I’ve found that it’s so strong that you only need a little bit to feel indulged. You may have to add additional sweetener to whatever base you’re using to compensate, but I’ve come to prefer the rich flavor without all the sugar. In this recipe, the natural sweetness of the strawberries is more than enough for me. Party Serving Tip I like to use the smallest disher I have to scoop out several one inch diameter balls and pile them up in a dessert dish. Garnish with a couple of sliced strawberries and a dash of cacao nibs and you’ve got a party! This makes for an festive party presentation. Pre-scoop all the ice cream into small one inch balls onto a baking sheet and freeze. After completely frozen, store in a freezer zipper bag. Right before serving at your party, pile up ice cream balls in individual serving bowls and garnish. - 1 can organic whole coconut milk , refrigerated - ¼ cup non-dairy milk (I use homemade almond/brazil nut milk.) - 1/4 cup organic raw agave syrup or honey - ½ tsp vanilla (I use ground vanilla bean but extract would work here too.) - ¼ tsp sea salt - ½ cup strawberry pulp - 2 tbsps unsweetened chocolate, grated - Fresh strawberries and cacao nibs, for garnish - Mix everything but grated chocolate in a high-speed blender. - Pour into ice cream maker and chill according to the manufacturer’s instructions. - Five minutes before the ice cream is done, pour in the grated chocolate. - Empty finished ice cream in a freezer container and freeze for 2 hours before serving. - To serve, scoop into bowls and garnish with sliced strawberries and cacao nibs. For easier party serving, pre-scoop all the ice cream into small one inch balls onto a baking sheet and freeze. After completely frozen, store in a freezer zipper bag. To serve, pull out as many ice cream balls as needed and garnish with sliced strawberries and cacao nibs. ** Update 8/31/2014 ** Check out my coconut sugar simple syrup. It’s an easy substitute for honey and agave. I shared this recipe on Natural Living, Live It Up, In and Out, Wellness Wednesday, Let’s Get Real, Real Food, Homemade Monday, Dare to Share, Recipe of the Week, Show Stopper, Simple Saturdays, Saturday Sparks, Think Pink, Five Friday Finds, Friday Foodie, Fancy This, Inspiration Spotlight, Anything Goes, Welcome to the Weekend, Best of the Weekend, Creative Collection, Savoring Saturdays, Try a New Recipe, Creative Exchange, Whole Food Friday, Inspire Us Thursday, Foodtastic Friday, Friday Frenzy, Fight Back Friday, Simple Meals, Real Food, Weekend No Rules, Healthy Vegan, Flaunt It, Friday Favorites, Show & Tell, Frugal Friday, Kitchen Fun & Crafty, Freedom Friday, Craft Frenzy, Foodie Friends, Eat Create Party, Inspire Me Please, Foodie Friday -2, Open House, Foodie Friday-1, Inspired Weekends, Flash Blog, Weekend Re-treat, Gluten Free Friday, Feathered Nest, Pennywise Platter, Doggone Dirty Craftin’, Homeacre Hop, Link Party, No Rules Weekend, Fabulously Frugal, Catch A Glimpse, Live Laugh Linky, Homestead Barn Hop, Create It Thursday, Wildly Original, Favorite Things, Full Plate Thursday, Project Stash, All Things, Tasty Tuesday -2, Mountain Woman Rendezvous, It’s a Party, Wicked Awesome, Recipe Round Up, Inspire Me Wednesday, What’s Cookin’, Whatever Goes, What I Learned, We Did It, WFMW, Wednesday Whatsits, Real Food Wednesday, Lovely Ladies Linky, Cast Party, Wake Up Wednesday, Wow Me, Delicious Dish, Wonderfully Creative, Wonderful Wednesday, Creative Muster, Whimsy Wednesday, Waste Not Want Not, The Yuck Stops Here, Wine’d Down, Allergy Free Wednesdays, Made by Me, From Dream to Reality, Show Me What Ya Got, Tutorial Tuesday, Too Cute, Tempting Tuesday, Wordless Wednesday, Anti-procrastination, Tuesday’s Table, Tuesday with a Twist, Tasty Tuesday, One Project at a Time, Take A Look, Hearth & Soul, Turn It Up, Totally Talented, Share Your Stuff, You’re Gonna Love It, Inspire Me Monday, Create Link Inspire, Inspire Me Tuesday, Tuesday Talent Show, Good Tips, Recipe Sharing, Handmade Tuesdays, Show Me What You Got, Two Cup Tuesday, Treasure Box, Fat Tuesday, Time to Sparkle, Made by You, Meal Planning, Thoughtful Spot, Mostly Homemade, What’s you Do This Weekend, Mad Skills, Happiness is Homemade, Sew Darn Crafty, Sweet Sharing, Much Ado About Monday, Melt in your Mouth, Motivation Monday, Round Tuit, Monday Funday, Recipe Round Up, Block Party, See Ya in the Gumbo, Simple Life Sunday, Mix It Up, Clever Chicks, Sunday Best, Inspiration Monday and Marvelous Mondays.

'Sell/Buy/Date': Theater Review Tony Award winner Sarah Jones' new one-person play features characters working in and around the sex industry. At first glance, you wouldn't think that the tiny NY City Center Stage II would be able to contain the multitude of characters in Sell/Buy/Date. But since they're all embodied by the chameleonic actress-playwright Sarah Jones, the stage traffic is easily managed. Jones previously made a splash with her 2004 one-person show, Bridge & Tunnel, presented by Meryl Streep, which won a Special Tony Award when it moved to Broadway two years later. Now she's back with her newest piece, receiving its world premiere in a Manhattan Theatre Club production. Set in the distant future, the play revolves around a British university professor instructing her class about the past experiences of people working in, or affected by, the sex industry. Her lesson is enhanced with the use of BERT ("Bio-empathetic resonant technology") modules, which provide the opportunity to fully experience the thoughts and emotions of the long-gone subjects. Assuming, of course, that your "emotional shunts" are fully engaged. The imaginative theatrical conceit provides a vehicle for Jones to display her incredible talent for virtuosic character transformations. There are many performers who play multiple characters in their one-person shows, but few who do it as seamlessly and effectively as the 42-year-old Jones, who shifts genders, ages and ethnicities with such fluidity, it makes you wonder if she suffers from multiple personality disorder. Among the many characters featured are an elderly Jewish woman who resorted to watching porn to enhance her sex life with her husband; a Trinidadian home-care attendant turned sex worker, who pretends to be Jamaican for "marketing purposes"; an Irish woman forced into prostitution to support herself and her heroin-addicted boyfriend; an African-American pimp turned "motivational speaker, life coach and therapist": a young man attending his bachelor party at a strip club; a Native-American comedian performing at the "PornComedy Awards"; and a Russian, virtual-reality sex entrepreneur who runs a chain of brothels, or, as he describes them, "hotels with enhanced amenities." The futuristic setting provides the opportunity for plenty of sly, satirical humor, such as when the professor shows her class an antiquated Barbie doll that she describes as "an educational tool for anorexia prevention." At another point, she asks the class, "What were male sluts called? Very good, they were called men." She also goes into great detail about the "Male Health Crisis of the 2040s," in which thousands of men suffered strokes, heart attacks and anxiety issues as a result of the unlimited availability of commercial sex. Jones delivers characters who are vividly rendered and wittily written, making many insightful points about the complex subject matter in the process. And she displays an amazing ability to morph from one to the next. Playing the chain-smoking Irish prostitute, for instance, her voice suddenly takes on a husky, ragged quality that suggests decades of cigarette use. Still, despite all of Jones' linguistic and performing aplomb, the elaborate narrative structure — including a running subplot involving the professor's worry over the discovery of her illegitimate credentials — proves needlessly distracting. There are so many powerful and real stories on display in Sell/Buy/Date — Jones based the show on extensive research and interviews — that the fictional construct seems superfluous. Venue: NY City Center Stage II, New York Writer-performer: Sarah Jones Director: Carolyn Cantor Set & costume designer: Dane Laffrey Lighting designer: Eric Southern Sound designer: Bray Poor Presented by Manhattan Theatre Club

5 Months. As of today we’ve been dating for 5 months, (from the date of Carlos O Kelly’s) somehow surviving the 3 month cursed hump when I typically get bored and move on. In ten days we will have known each other for 6 months. Then In 2 Days and 13 Hours my sister and I will be relocating to Davenport to move into Knights, well technically yes and no. His house, our own apartment, but same difference. Then I will no longer be slave to the pit known as Burlington, and instead I will belong to him. My Knight in shining spandex briefs. :P Why deal with problems when you can simply ignore them and pretend they don’t exist? September 26 will be just the kind of day to let ignorant bliss take over, as Venus and Jupiter get together and encourage you to focus on the sunny side of life. Good times, happy feelings, and a bit of overindulgence will be the norm as issues get pushed aside for another day. Just be sure to enjoy it while it lasts, because by September 28, romantic dilemmas will start to override this happy-go-lucky attitude as Venus squares off against Mars. Yes, passion will reign, but so could insensitivity as you walk a delicate line between Venus’ pacifying tendencies and Mars’ aggressiveness. On the next day, September 29, Mercury moves into Scorpio for a long stay that will last until early December. For the next two-plus months, your conversations will trend toward intense and emotional. Answers won’t come easily as you mull over problems in great depth and detail; you’ll be looking for solutions that are sure to stick. A newfound urge to get the last word in will also make life more tense. Finally, as the month comes to a close, you’ll start to feel some of the disruptive effects of the Sun-Pluto-Uranus transit that’s set to occur in the early days of October. On September 21, the Sun moves out of hard-working Virgo and into loving, fair-minded Libra. Libra is considered the most relationship-oriented sign of the zodiac — not because it’s particularly passionate, but because it’s so socially intuitive. With Libra at the helm, you and your partner are far more likely to concern yourselves with each other’s well-being, with the result being that you end up happier — and more in love! Of course, Libra isn’t just about love. You can also expect the next four weeks to be filled with elegance, balance, and sound judgments, though your attempts to be fair at all costs could lead to indecision. Unfortunately, September 21 isn’t entirely about peace and love as two heavyweight planets, Saturn and Pluto, meet for a somber day of hardship and struggle. Keep in mind, though, that the challenges you face will provide tangible results in the near future. Pluto also turns direct on September 21, which will clear out certain obstacles in the coming months. Still, the end of Pluto’s retrograde will create a very subtle effect — so subtle that you may not notice its benefits for quite some time. Not much really going on. I spent the past two days relaxing mostly. Tomorrow is back to work. Only twelve more days and I am all his. He is my world and I can not wait to breathe him in. To cling to every word and melt in his embrace. How long has it been since I’ve seen the romantic side of myself before he came across my path? Months? Much Longer. Years? At least. He had me from across the room. Love at first sight. Knowing myself well enough, he could have me forever if he chooses. I’ve opened my heart fully, and passion bleeds from me like a raging river uncontrollably. I can’t help it. I have the hardest time holding it back. Attempting not to be overwhelming, even though the feelings overwhelm me to the point of frustration, but I fear they may be too much for him as they are certainly almost overpowering for me. How can I express the extent of my emotions? Sometimes when I look at him, I nearly want to cry and tremble because I can barely hold it all in. My thoughts racing, my admiration enthralled. To me he is perfect in so many ways. From the strength that he displays in his posture, the deepness of his eyes like a universe and mine are stars that reflect inside them when I manage to catch his gaze, the wit of his tongue and the cleverness behind his logical thoughts, to the warmth of his arms; my ultimate safe place. I ache for his presence every moment of everyday. He gives me a sense of completeness I have searched for since the moment I began to breathe. I know I will spend the rest of my life attempting to put my affections into words. |Put you head to my heart. Hear the beating of my burning desire flow around my body. Close your mouth around mine, taste all I am. Feel my heat, my fire, light up inside me as you come closer. See the pure, raw love I hold for you. And let us burn together. Forever. We can already see each others flames flicker in exctasy, together, as they will always. Forever.| |by Arphendess Estelwen| The Way He Makes Me Feel There’s no chill and yet I shiver There’s no flame and yet I burn I’m not sure what I’m afraid of And yet I’m trembling There’s no storm yet I hear thunder And I’m breathless why I wonder Weak one moment Then the next I’m fine I feel as if I’m falling every time I close my eyes And flowing through my body is a river of surprise Feelings are awakening I hardly recognize as mine What are all these new sensations? What’s the secret they reveal? I’m not sure I understand But I like the way I feel Why is it that every time I close my eyes he’s there? The water shining on his skin the sunlight in his hair And all the while I’m thinking things That I can’t wait to share with him I’m a bundle of confusion Yet it has a strange appeal Did it all begin with him And the way he makes me feel? I like the way he makes me feel. “Please, just for me, forget the steps… Hold me, feel the music, and give me your soul. Then I can give you mine.” i have arrived at my time to dance with life i should hold an arabesque in defiance of movement but if i had my choice i’d grab your hand and we’d dance a tango in celebration of the very love and hatred that keeps us alive come, press your cheek to mine and let’s dance look into my eyes and see the power you have over me let that energy coarse through us – through our hands as we embrace we’ll plant it back into the ground with our feet Tango starts with embracing. It’s the first connection into the dance. The embrace in tango is like an embrace in life: it has to be natural and with affection, otherwise it will not live. Embrace your partner as though you are about to dance the dance of your life. The man must hold the woman securely but with freedom to move, must lead, not force. The woman must relax in the embrace and feel each intention of the man’s lead, but know her own axis. It must always be a two-way experience. Each embrace is different just as each person is different. They say that you can tell whether a person can dance tango from the feel of the first embrace. The embrace is ours… “The tango is an embrace in movement. A man and a woman enter a dialogue through their bodies, guided by music which has an almost somber quality of yearning. Of a passion that can that can never be fulfilled. Of a sweet sadness. Two strangers become one for the duration of the dance. Two opposites come together briefly to create the fantasy of a harmonious whole.” – Gisela Kirberg Mamone Tango has an unmentioned, but implicitly understood, 30 Second Rule. It is the quintessential litmus test of chemistry and compatibility that is rarely wrong and it is very simple. This is how it goes. Someone asks you to dance. You say yes. You observe how he takes your hand or doesn’t. Does he lead you to the dance floor or walk somewhat ahead and you follow? He pauses and stands still and faces you. He opens his arms, offering his invitation to the foyer of the house that is him. He accepts your right hand as your palm slips against his. You gently let your hand float into his, like a feather seeking a unique cradle of fit. Your left hand reaches for his shoulder if his height is near yours or his bicep if he is somewhat taller. A unbreathed sigh settles you into the moment and then…. The music starts. You notice if he starts to dance and lead you right away or does he stay still and listen for the music until it seeps into him. You see if he chooses the moment, the exact bar or beat, the precise, scuffed space on the dance floor, the aperture between the other couples, before taking that first step, and you, with him. Is he a man that can wait for what he wants? Does he hear his own song or does he join the chorus of other men who move in unison like a collective tango fleet on that same first beat? Does he do what is expected or does he listen to his own voice? The two of you are a ship; he is the captain and you are precious cargo or first mate but you have no way of knowing until the first wind fills those sails, if he is able to navigate whatsoever. Until you know, you put more trust in the wind than in the man who shepherds it. In a second and yet in slow motion, all of him is comes towards you in a sensation of new male person. You are close enough to observe the hair that tease at his collar bone, his shave or lack thereof, and his sideburns and texture of his skin. You see the base of his throat, his Adam’s apple and pulse of his breath and telltale tattoo of his heart that reveals him or his mood – no matter how impassive he seems. You preen quietly – knowing it comes partly from the mandate ahead of him and partly from the very nearness of you. You breathe in gently and test the air between you, subtly inhaling or cologne or laundry soap, shirt starch or him. You delicately, imperceptively, test the scent to see if you can live with it for three minutes of the dance or longer than that. You assess the scent and determine if he is someone to dance with or a man you could make love to- not that you will but it is this primal thing we all do. You can hear his breath and wonder if he hears your own heart race as you try and still it and devote to the dance at hand. You are a tango woman and know how the game is played; like a tango geisha, you disclose nothing. The dance begins before the first bar. You sense male confidence battling with his own clamor. Some men tremble slightly, their hands are cold and clammy but you never register or transmit the knowledge. Most men are impassive. And even if not, you never can really discern if they are nervous because of the challenge ahead or maybe it is indeed, as tango efforts not to be: personal. Some men ignore the premise of letting the woman choose the proximity and choosing close versus open embrace. They draw you to them and your left hand loops around the nape of their neck or they hold you at arms’ length – a nod to your prerogative as the follower to stay close or far, as you wish. It is all sublime. You feel him silently the shape of your body, your breasts where they touch his chest in an intimacy that is undeclared as it is tacit. No one says a word. It is so profoundly cool and the fact that it is actually even a legal act still befuddles me. Some men may smile politely without meeting your eyes. To do more is to commit and no one will commit more than this before the 30 Seconds Rule is passed. To smile dilutes the tension and the mystique. To smile and meet someone’s eyes is to make a pronouncement you cannot yet offer. The dance begins. All bets are off; the equation is simply this: can he lead me? Can I trust this male human being to guide me on the floor, take me on a tango adventure and bring me back? Will he protect me from the other dancers, hard shoulders of men leading other women; dagger points of other women’s shoes that can pierce my instep if he doesn’t lead well. Does he know what I like? Can he see what I can do? Is his style gentle or quick; does he fill in each bar of music with steps or is he confident enough to wait? Wait for the music, his mood and wait for me – to let me catch up or follow or attune myself. Does he dance with me and for me or for the other men to be impressed. Does he gloss over mistakes and chuckle gallant and low or titch his tongue in exasperation of me and himself. How present is this man? All this data is swirling and tabulating 10 seconds into the dance; you are barely out of the tango harbor. You adjust your touch on his right hand side and move your hips to contour his, aligning the distance and discrepancies between height and body type. You catch a tiny piece of second wind. He is no longer just a man, or a stranger. Instead you have moved into his country and passed from visiting diplomat to native. He gave you a passport when he asked you to dance. And now you are patriots together, of a newly formed, tiny country of legs, arms, and steps. The music plays on and now you relax ever so slightly. He can lead and you will be taken care of if you just do your part. Worry melts into the night vapors; you are in safe hands if not yet tango’s promised land. If he is nervous but a new dancer, you change roles. Instead of him guiding you, you guide him in leading you. You accept him, as is, as a man, certainly but as a new leader. To help bring balance to imbalance, you go somewhat limp, verging on acquiescent but maintaining a vestige of spine – so he can find the energy and force of direction that works for him without battling your energy. You determine, even that, even if he is a novice, if he has tango potential. If so, you give yourself over to his tutoring as he leads you. One day – a year, more years from now – he might be another contender and that is worthy of patience and respect. You respond to the potential that might be there and the tension eases but the dynamics stay. 20 seconds pass and you understand his moves. What was a surprise 20 seconds before is now a pace and a habit. He repeats a series of steps and what was experimental – a series of doled commands and responses, now takes on a finesse. You react well and completely and feel him relax as he sees you read him. He tries something else and you follow in a swathe that is fusion and autonomy all at once. Never a fumble until he introduces a turn you could not anticipate. You jockey again for position, like a restless filly, adjusting just that much more; maybe letting him closer or moving with familiarity to better ground. With newly set intention, the dance continues and an aura of deliberation coats each move. You no longer know where your perfume and his scent starts and stops; you no longer notice and difference in height and the line of his body is only the borderlines of your own. You close your eyes; the room falls away. The 30 second mark nears. The consensus is not only can he guide you but you are also received.There is a fit. You feel his relief and pleasure behind that impassivity. You know that he knows you are a match for him. You’ve passed this strange test and now are in tango’s inner circle. Such 30 second dances birth a set of two, three, more dances. You unconsciously file him in the back recesses of your Tango Partners A list. You have found someone to fall in love with for three dances or maybe more. With him, you can feel safely seduced. Tango is the ultimate safe sex and consummate, mini romance. You can, if you care to, imagine, for as many bars of music as you need, he is The One. Or you can imagine the one you truly love and truly desire but is not in your life (they have left or not yet appeared), is instead there, partnering you. But always, underneath the tango foreplay is a frontier of a man you could perhaps fall in love with but won’t. It is enough you are finally in the dock of the bay of connection. This feeling lasts as long as the music plays; it is all you want and need. Because any other way is tango at the movies; and this is tango in real life. The dance or dances end. He nods, less smile this time but his eyes meet yours instead. Tango hosannas. His slight bow and thanks is his way of saying, “Another time – we will dance again. Make no mistake. I will remember you.’ Like thieves sharing magic, it is all sotto voit and sotto emotion. So sweet it is a caress that makes your heart arch. There is no hurry. You will see him again and pray/hope/wish the magic repeats in another 30-second romance that teases your spirit and slakes your soul. And if he never returns or does and the magic is gone, there is always another tango boat on the way. You try not to notice who else he dances with and if he holds her quite the same way or shares precisely the same touch. Some things, within tango or outside it are sacred. But perhaps in tango, we women become territorial she-cats even as we appear to be tripping the light fantastic and above such she/he matters of gravity. And that is how you fall in love in 30 seconds. After a call to my Best friend Jake, things look like they are on the UP & UP. Yesterday had been a real drag. Obviously from reading my previous posts on was on a downward spiral. Still may be, but at least I got hope. Having been overwhelmed to the point of saying “Fuck it” I once again attempted to finish my homework last-minute. (it happens every time) But on this special occasion I was already exhausted and passed out mid chemistry exam with the computer on my lap, only to discover its “Timed Out” screen when I awoke about 4am. Fucking Peachy… I layed in bed all day, Pouting mostly. But I come back to the computer later to see this: Knight : Nice ass! *runs away crazily* This is why I love him. My day went up hill afterwards and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. The family invited me down for dinner (FREAKIN FINALLY) and after a stressed out text message to Jake, he really came through for me and Deseree. Not only does he have a truck at his disposal I can use to help us move, but he’s going to do it for nearly next to nothing. Said cover the gas and throw me a ten. I breathe a sigh of relief. The big thing that I had been banging my head against a wall trying to figure out has finally come to a close. DAMN you mother for putting stressful thoughts in my head. The Law of Attraction is once again on my side. I need to remember to just be patient, not to worry, it will always all work out. Okay… You know its bad when you have to put on your to do list to remember to shower… I honestly can’t remember the last time I did. I think tomorrow will make it a week and that’s fucking disgusting. When’s the last time I even wrote in this. Over a week a least. I’m exhausted but I really need to write things out. So much has been going on and I still can’t manage to juggle anything. I seriously need a personal assistant or something. You know something is wrong when I stop bathing, my room becomes a sty and I don’t do anything but sit in bed. After speaking to Dr Bair Wednesday he reassured me that I’m on the right track with this move and my priorities seem to be in order. I think I need this move more and more as the days pass by. I grow weary and i’m overwhelmed. I need to downsize and have began doing so. I’m no longer going to perform at the Bart Howard room. I called Richard and told him that it will have to be postponed till later months. I can’t deal with that looming over my head while I already have so much on my plate. The move in itself is enough to think about along with working and attempting to locate a new job, but with school on top of things, I can’t cope. This this so much more difficult than full sail and I can’t help but question “What was I thinking?”. At the time I had nothing going on and was dying of boredom. Now my plate is so full I can’t keep the plates spinning and they are crashing down around me. One by one I have turned down all my obligations with various band offers and chances to go spend time with friends. It disappoints me that I’m not capable of fulfilling my commitments. I got in over my head somehow and I can’t manage on my own anymore. I was so grateful yesterday when Deseree, Neal, and Knight all came through for me and helped me move my stuff from Wendy’s over to Grandma’s. Had they not been there to help I know I would have broke down crying. But Neal didn’t seem inconvenienced in anyway. Desi I think was actually grateful not to be stuck in the house with mom, even though she kinda kicked her out for the night over a booty call, and Knight was calm and somehow managed to keep me remotely so as well. I discovered I enjoy laying on a couch with him. Being held in his arms is the best place in the world to me right now. And even though he didn’t say much and seemed bored if not more, his presence was the one thing in the world that made me feel like everything would be okay. I knew that he had a calming and encourage way about him when it comes to me, but I never realized to what extreme I’ve truly come to need him. My only hope is that once the move happens things in life will calm down, and I’ll be able to focus on what is really important. School being the top priority. I need to follow Dr Bair’s advice and look into daily routines for people with ADHD and Bi-Polar/Borderline and really attempt to make them habits when I move. This is my chance to get my life on the right track. I need to take full advantage of it. Please let me be able to handle this. I just hope with the support of Knight and my sister, I’ll be able to find that place of Zen I’ve been desperately searching for all my life. I refuse to be a head case like my mother, yet I seem to be failing miserably. I’ve been a negative Nancy for days now and can’t seem to shake it. I just look forward to the moment when all our stuff is moved in and I have that moment of clarity where I don’t have to worry. I can just be. I definitely blame all the stressors as my only real problem, but they seem to be creeping up as issues in other ways. My insecurities are way higher, my need to be held is to the max. So much so that I ended up running in desperation to someone who could provide it. “How pathetic am I?”. Were my thoughts when I woke up Thursday morning. No longer forlorn with loneliness, but instead facing a growing guilt inside my head. I was at Tristan’s. I banged my head against the wall in the bathroom thinking “idiot, idiot, idiot… What have you done.”? He’s obviously not over me, this was not a casual thing for him. As he stared in my eyes I recognized it as the look I had so desperately been needing. That look of absolute wanting and desire. But, I also realized in that moment as he sweetly petted my head and kissed my cheek tenderly, that it wasn’t just anyone who could fulfill this need for me really… I want Knight to look at me that way. That look of almost desperate longing, yet tender, wistful, and hungry. I guess I just want him to need me as eagerly as I have for him. I felt terrible about Tristan. I had unintentionally led him on, either that or he’s attempting a head game desperately wants me to get caught back up in the romance of him. I told him at the bar I was still seeing Knight and was even moving up there with him, but he pursued me anyway. On a funny note, I couldn’t stand how boney he was. He wasn’t comfortable at all. I didn’t get that sense of safety. In fact it was quite opposite. He has the most gorgeous hair I’ve ever seen and I wasn’t even willing to run my fingers through it. I was detached, and disgusted with myself. How did I allow myself to get caught up in such a desperate position? The girl who was so independent of men is now starving and begging to be loved, even if its just pretend from a stranger apparently. What is wrong with me? Well can’t put it any better than Cheap Trick did: I want to feel wanted.

So, you wanted to see the frog I bought in Denmark? The one by Royal Copenhagen? Well, this is it... It's white on a grey stone and has a lovely red kiss on its back. It took some time finding this photo (apparently I deleted my own copy), because it was in the 2007 collection. But I love it! Saturday, 30 July 2011 Sixty years later, Sarah's story intertwines with that of Julia Jarmond, a journalist investigating the round-up. Sarah's Key is an emotionally gripping story of two families, forever linked to, and haunted by, one of the darkest days of France's past. The first time I started reading this book, was when my dad handed me a Dutch copy he had borrowed of a friend. But, I don't like reading in Dutch and I couldn't get past the first chapter. Fortunately Pepperfly then gave the English version to me and I sailed past the first and subsequent chapters. The story is a mix of real events (the round-up, the Vélodrome d'Hiver, the camps) and fiction. One story follows Sarah, a ten-year old Jewish girl, the other follows Julia Jarmond, an American journalist married to a French man. But at some point those two stories become one, because the place where Sarah lived, later became the home of Julia's French family. She then wants to find out exactly who the people were that lived there, where they went and how they ended up. This certainly isn't a book for a lazy afternoon on the beach; I couldn't keep my eyes dry! But it is a very good and certainly very confronting book. It could have done with a little less relationship trouble for Julia, but I guess in the end it is necessary for the story. My verdict: definitely worth the read! Friday, 29 July 2011 I thought I would include some random photos of things I saw during my week in Denmark. At first I didn't really understand the first photo. Or why it was placed in the toilet (bathroom for you overseaers), but a closer look revealed all. This little box is meant for needles, razor blades and safety pins. Now I can understand the needles (drugs, either prescription or not) and the safety pins, but the razor blades were a bit of a mystery. Unless someone wants to kill themselves inside the toilet and I doubt very much they would then throw the blade in the little box! The second photo was taken on our way back from Sweden. I had seen this sign for a while already, but it didn't quite dawn on me what it meant. Let me explain. The Dutch name of the capital of Denmark is Kopenhagen and the English name is Copenhagen. However, in Danish it's København. And for some reason I just didn't get the fact that in Sweden they use the Swedish name: Köpenhamn! Photo number three was taken in Copenhagen (let's just use the English spelling) and is of a thermometer. When you look closely you can also see the weather woman at the top: ready to come out with her bicycle, of which there were plenty around. As you can see it's about 18 degrees Celsius at the moment I took the photo. And the last photo is of something we could see both on the crossing from Sweden to Denmark and from Denmark to Germany: wind turbines in the sea. There were lots and lots of them! They do like green energy a lot in those countries. Thursday, 28 July 2011 Did I ever tell you I hate traveling on a coach? When I'm not driving that is? Well, I do. Just so you know! |The floor in the bus!| Yesterday morning I was in the first of four groups to pick up the Dutch scout troops to take to Sweden. I left on time at 08.30am and arrived at the World Jamboree at 12.15pm. Everything was so well coordinated we only had to wait for two minutes before I was able to drop them off. They left my coach in a right state, but with all the rain and muck and mud of the past week, I was prepared. And since I was in the first group, I had a lot of time before the last ones would be there to actually clean the coach. At least brush the dirt out and make it look presentable again. |The toll bridge from Sweden to Denmark| We then had to wait for all the coaches to arrive, which took about four hours and finally at a quarter past four, all the drivers (bar two who were staying behind to look after the coaches) piled on one coach and left for the Netherlands. We passed through Sweden at a good pace, seeing coach after coach filled with scouts from all over the world. We then had to cross the toll bridge and tunnel to Denmark and came back to familiar territory again. |There was a train on the ferry!| We kept driving through Denmark until we reached the ferryport of Rodby (with the diagonal line again). We knew we were late for our ferry (it had left twenty minutes earlier), but managed to catch the next one, so we only lost half an hour. From Puttgarden (the German side of the ferry), we drove towards Hamburg, which I completely missed, since I slept my way to Bremen. We had a short stop to switch drivers and then drove on towards home. Our pick-up driver had to wake up extra early, because according to the planners we were about 2-3 hours early! We just thought there was no point hanging around for nothing! I made it home at five in the morning and was in bed half an hour later. My own bed... Tuesday, 26 July 2011 Mon should be written with a diagonal line through its o, but since I can't be bothered to find it on my computer you will have to do without. Anyhoo... Today we had a lovely sunny day and we dropped off 1,000 scouts at the geocenter on Mon (with the line). While we were waiting for them to do their things we were parked about 3 miles further at a great looking farm. But I wanted to see the cliffs and so did some of the others, so we got on the coach and headed towards the center. After parking me and my colleague needed to decide from what angle to watch the cliffs: from the bottom or the top. In the end we decided on the top: that way we were going up first and down later instead of the other way around. It was a big climb and since I have the condition of a hibernating sloth, I was panting my way up! I did make it though, because I didn't want to miss out on the view. It didn't disappoint: it was gorgeous! I took lots of photos, my colleague took a few of me and we treated ourselves to an icecream when we got back down again. Tonight we dined with all the colleagues that are here now: 27, plus the wife of the coordinator. We had a nice dinner, good company and we found out what is going to happen tomorrow. I have to leave in the first group at 8.30am, completely loaded to the rafters with camping gear, luggage and of course scouts. We hope to arrive in Sweden a few hours later (it's not that far from here) and make it through check-in at a reasonable pace. Yesterday it apparently took over 3 hours for one coach to get checked in and shown to their site. Tomorrow there will probably be hundreds of buses arriving! The horror. I will be off to bed now, but I have included a few photos I took today (or were taken of me today). By the way, the photo I showed yesterday was taken in Copenhagen which has a big elephant herd roaming the city in aid of the Asian elephant. How could I resist? Monday, 25 July 2011 Today was the day of the big event. We had been awaiting it for some days now and today it finally happened: it stopped raining and the sun came out! Hesitatingly at first but at the end of the day the temperature was a bit more summer-like than the past few days (it was 11 degrees Celsius yesterday). Of course this sun immediately took my mind of the road and I got on the motorway going west. I needed to go east! Other things happening today were very few. I finished my book, took only three photos and chatted to my colleagues. Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be good again and we're going to some cliffs. I am hoping for some nice photos there. Sunday, 24 July 2011 |The path was like this all throughout the museum!!!| It rained almost full stop today and I must say, even I got a bit fed up with all that wetness. According to the weather people, the rain should stop tomorrow or the day after (see how exact they are?) and that is very much wanted by every scout on board. They are nearly always wet and cold now and the only time they are drying out are spent on the bus! Where they sit with muddy boots and shoes, making a mess of it all. Add to all that mud from the camp ground more mud. This time from the medieval open air museum! Since I don't travel to Denmark on a weekly basis, I had decided I wanted to see it as well and it didn't take long before I was covered in mud as well! I nearly slipped on two occasions, but fortunately I managed to grab hold of some colleague or other. It would have been a right sight if I had fallen flat on my face there!! |Where are the other four?| The medieval museum was quite good fun, despite all the mud and goo and what have you. They had a huge katapult they used and which I missed of course, a lot of different houses where you could go in and touch things and there was a small wooded area with vampyres, werewolfs, goblins, pixies, elves, hell horses, three legged sheep and other weird and dangerous creatures that were out to snatch you. And before you ask: no, there wasn't a viking in the whole museum! Saturday, 23 July 2011 |Up the road without a paddle| The new day came with fresh rain. Which we were very happy about of course (not)! But today it was dry more often than wet and anyway, those children didn't mind anyway: they were out in the water all day! In the mean time my colleagues and I went to the center of the town and looked at some shops and had a coffee. After our coffees my colleague A and I went out shopping and already in the first shop I found the perfect little statuette: a frog that had been kissed! It was quite dear, but it was made by Royal Kopenhagen (a china manufacturer), so I decided to go for it anyway. But when the salesman took it down I found it had been reduced in price! So, not only did I get the perfect frog, I also got a better deal: I was a happy girl! When we got back to the coach I set about repairing the broken microphone system and by accidently breaking something I managed to do just that: I fixed the problem. I may not be a technically minded person, but sometimes the luck is with the dumb (as a Dutch saying goes)... Tomorrow we are going to a Medieval museum with knights and joustings and a lot more. I am really looking forward to it, but I do hope that infernal rain will stop! Friday, 22 July 2011 |The little mermaid| For some strange reason part of the kids on board has decided to call me Dora. Either because they couldn't remember my real name, or because they think it's a better name (which I don't agree with by the by). Anyway... Today was Kopenhagen and it rained. All morning it came down, rain, rain and more rain. I was getting quite fed up with it all, but I wanted to see the town, so me and two colleagues hopped on one of those hop on/hop off buses and did the tour. We got off at a castle, walked around that for a while and then decided we would walk to the mermaid, since the bus was really hot and muggy and it had stopped raining. Well, for ten minutes anyway, because then it started again and we nearly got soaked. We sheltered somewhere and when I tried to take a photo of my two colleagues, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Fortunately the only thing that got bruised was my ego, but I felt quite silly with my face down in the street! |One of the many elephants dotted around town.| After about four more showers we finally managed to get to the mermaid and guess what: the sun came out for just a second! I took photos from nearly all angles (it's situated in the water, so I wasn't going in there to take more photos). We then hopped on the bus again and got off at the 'new harbour' which was basically one massive bar! It looked really festive and fun and by then the rain had ceased completely as well. A quick and very expensive drink later we hopped on again and took the last part of the tour. I must say, Kopenhagen is a lovely town and I would love to go there again to see it properly. In the sun preferably! Another one on my list of 'must-sees'... Thursday, 21 July 2011 |View of the Baltic Sea at 5.25am| I started work last night at 8.45pm and finished this morning at 9am. In that time I picked up a lot of scouts, I drove through Germany, saw a lot of 'Baustellen' (roadworks), took a ferry, met up with colleagues and finally dropped the scouts off again. It's the World Jamboree next month in Sweden and the Dutch contingent have decided that the jamboree wasn't long enough and have added a week in Denmark. Which is fine by me, since I haven't been to the part of Denmark we're in now. We're going to Kopenhagen, we will be visiting a medieval museum and we go to some cliffs. They will also do some geo-caching and something with water somewhere. |A non-pooping seagull flying overhead| This morning however we arrived an hour early which was good and after we had parked our coaches and had taken the luggage to our rooms, a colleague and I went in search of a bank to change our Euros into Danish Kroner, since they didn't join the Euro zone back in whenever. The first bank we got to opened at 10. It was 9.30! So we went to the next one. Which also opened at 10. After having seen a lot of banks which all opened at 10, we took out some money of our own and went back to the Konditorei to enjoy some Danish pastry and a cup of tea. When we finally went to the bank, we went to the only one that opened at: yes, you guessed it: 9.30!! Right now it's time for bed though. It's nearly midday and I need to get some zzzzz's in before dinner tonight. So, I will say goodnight. Or goodday as the case may be... Tuesday, 19 July 2011 Monday, 18 July 2011 Apparently the summer is the time to go to some sort of festival and there are plenty of them to go around in our little country. Yesterday there were three to choose between. The Black Cross, The Free Festival and another one. I had to work as well: ferrying young people back and forth from train station to the Free Festival. Which by the way wasn't as free as the title would make you think. You can buy tickets to guarantee entry and if it's not sold out, then everybody and his aunt get the chance to go there and get in for free. Of course, you have to pay for the bus which takes you there and the drinks are not too cheap either, but the music is fantastic. Well, the music is fantastic to those people going, because to me it sounds a lot like 'thump thump thump thump thump!' Enough to give anybody a splitting headache, let alone hearing problems! Especially because they will stand about an inch away from the speakers! I was lucky I only had to drop them off and could head straight back to the station to pick up another load of half drunk youngsters! I found several cola bottles that were filled with something that was definitely not cola, unless of course cola now comes in a orangy colour as well! I needed to empty those bottles, because I was taking them home (you get money back on large empty bottles) and the smell that came from the bottle confirmed my suspicions. Definitely not cola!! You have to love festivals and there are about four more to come. First I will head to Denmark and Sweden however: the World Jamboree! Forty scouts asleep on the coach (hopefully) and off we go at 11pm! I have seen their programme and I won't forget my camera: I want a photo of the mermaid of Kopenhagen! First a week in Denmark and then we drop all the scouts off in Sweden, before heading home again. I am looking forward to it. I will take my Baby as well, so I hope to be able to post as I go... Friday, 15 July 2011 Yes, it's working again! Yesterday it was supposed to be the modem that was acting up. Today it was the router that was doing the bad things. So, I unplugged the both of them, plugged them both in again and now I'm online again and enjoying the www. The picture at the top I got from the www yesterday and was the one I wanted to include that one in yesterday's post. Which didn't work. So, I put it in today because I know you were wondering... Thursday, 14 July 2011 Why oh why am I having computer trouble again? And this time with Finn! My lovely new giant of a laptop is giving me grief in large amounts. And it's bugging me big time. I don't know what I am doing wrong and there's bound to be something that I did wrong. Or perhaps it's some garden gnome not too happy about the photo I placed of his family not too long ago. Either way, it's hard to be online and stay online what with all the 'can't find the site' nonsense popping up all the time. Talking about my modem not working (it's working fine) or something within the computer itself. Why can't it just be nice and easy and work? And do you remember the gasmen from last week? Well, apart from being ridiculously young, hitting my electrical cables and scaring my cats, one of them did do something good for me: he told me I needed to refill my hotwater thingy. Which I did with the help of the neighbour and a huge spanner (I think, it might have been something else). But I had forgotten all about the tap. I had closed it. So, when I tried to do my laundry this morning: no cigar! I blame it on my parents. I must have the blonde genes from someone after all... PS: and now I can't even include the blonde joke! Stupid Finn... Saturday, 9 July 2011 |The pool I was in on Thursday was somewhat on the freezing side! Brrrr| So, after I got home from the morning shift at work, I dug up the binbag and dove in. Well, not literally of course, but it felt like it. Fortunately with all the recycling we do in the Netherlands, there wasn't much in the binbag, but I still had to look for about 5 minutes in this dirty binbag to find the little black rubbery thing. I put the binbag back in the bin and then started to wash the thingy and of course my hands. Because even if the bag wasn't anywhere near full and there was no left over food in there, it still felt pretty gross! But at least now the stove cover isn't wobbling anymore and everything works again as it should! Friday, 8 July 2011 Last Sunday I celebrated the fact that I've now joined the big four o club. Unfortunately I invited everybody a bit late, so most people weren't able to come due to prior commitments, but some managed to come. One of my friends was supposed to come with her boyfriend and her two children. But when they were halfway, they turned around and went back home. Not because she all of a sudden had decided she didn't want to know me anymore, but because the children were ill and one of them had just emptied her stomach near a big tree! She still managed to come at night though, all by herself. That action didn't earn her any good points in the eyes of her daughter though: she had wanted to come see Auntie Mara as well. Then this week, the boyfriend celebrated his birthday and because I hadn't seen them all in quite a while, I decided to go over and stay the night. Which was a huge hit with the children, even if at first they didn't quite believe me. I took the little girl to school in the morning, had a very late breakfast with my friend who is going through some tough times right now, got into the icy cold pool in the afternoon and in the mean time I also managed to get some plaster make-up on my face for the video. Yes, I finally made another video. At first we were doing it out in the backyard, but every time I started to speak, so did the dog next door, so in the end we gave up and went inside. Where it wouldn't have mattered if I had worn clown's make-up, since the video ended up being quite dark! But after about a gazillion tries, I finally had another presentation video, ready to send across the pond! After dinner last night my friend drove me home again and I spent a quiet evening with my monsters. Wednesday, 6 July 2011 Several years ago, the housing corporation decided a big renovation of the area I live in was in order. They were right. Because the rent in this area is the lowest of the whole town, people with a small purse can rent here. The corporation really got stuck in: the houses would be painted: light green, light blue, yellow, white and pink (my house), new kitchens would be installed as the inhabitant at that time required, new bathrooms, new insulation both in the roof, the walls and the floors and to top it all: new windowframes and double glazing. The tore down some houses, the put up new fencing round everyone's back yards and generally made the place look a whole lot better. This morning three gentlemen got into my home: one carpenter and two gasmen. Because the gasline needs replacing! I had to change my work schedule, my cats are in a right tizzy with Mathilda and Wuppie outside and Sophie and Linette locked in my bedroom and especially the gasmen don't seem to be old enough to be out of school. They had to drill some holes first of all: one in the kitchen, one in the living room and one in the hallway. But for some reason when they drilled in the living room, the drill gave up. They broke it. They were saying to each other about the crap (sorry) equipment they received to work with, it being the third one they broke and all I could think of was: perhaps it's you! When they got it working again, they hit another snag. Literally, since they touched the electrical cable and now the washing machine and the dryer don't work anymore! I hope everything will go smoothly from now on, no more hiccups when it comes to the electrics and definitely no hiccups when it comes to the gas, I don't want to be found in a smoldering heap! Saturday, 2 July 2011 Isn't it always fun to try for a prize, whatever prize that may be? Perhaps you submitted a joke and hope it will be the best joke in the world, perhaps you bought a lottery ticket and hope for the jackpot or perhaps you commented on my blog and were hoping to get something along the lines of Netherlands footwear! And since there were only 8 comments, the chances of winning were certainly better than winning the jackpot! So, today I put the numbers 1 to 8 in a random number generator and number 5 came up randomly! And when I looked at the comments I could see number 5 was Gattina! So, congratulations and I will send you an email with the details today! Of course you all want to know what the prize is don't you? If you hadn't already guessed it of course. Well, it's a pair of Dutch clogs. What else? Friday, 1 July 2011 She phoned the main shop in the center of town to ask for my details. And then she was told: wash her hair with care and don't brush too hard. They really know me! Even if the last time I was there was over a year ago and I now go to the small shop half a kilometer away from me. Because it was time to get my hair cut again, I decided a more grown up do was in order. I had been dithering and dathering about it for a while now, but I could only wear my hair in a plait on a daily basis and if it hung loose, I looked like a hippie. Minus the flowers in my hair and the bell-bottoms that is! |I felt a bit like a chicken, ready to go in the oven!| So, I went to the hairdresser, got my hair washed with care and the girl didn't brush my hair too hard either. And then the scissors: snip snip and my long hair was once more a thing of the past. Then both the girls were trying to figure out which colour would be best for me. Since I wanted to get rid of the old-blonde that was creeping in at an alarming rate. I know I am forty now, but really, that is no reason to go old-blonde at speed! And now I sit here, with my hair loose, two shades lighter and fairly short. I like it!

Theatrical release poster |Directed by||Otakar Vávra| |Produced by||Otakar Vávra| |Screenplay by||Otakar Vávra |Based on||Krakatit by Karel Čapek| |Music by||Jiří Srnka| |Edited by||Antonín Zelenka| Krakatit is a 1948 Czechoslovak science fiction mystery film directed by Otakar Vávra, starring Karel Höger as a chemist who suffers from delirium and regret after inventing a powerful explosive. The film is based on Karel Čapek's novel with the same title, written in 1922. The name is derived from the volcano Krakatoa. A barely conscious, unidentified man is given intensive care by a doctor and a nurse. The man's hands are badly burned and cut. The doctor tells the nurse to give the man oxygen. A sequence begins where the man walks along a street in delirium. An old classmate, Jiří Tomeš, greets him and we learn that the man's name is Prokop. He speaks incoherently about an explosion and something he calls krakatit. Jiří brings him home and puts him in bed. In a dream, a university professor asks Prokop about krakatit. He answers that it is a powerful explosive, named after the volcano Krakatoa, and explains its formula. As the dream ends we see that Jiří has written the formula down. Prokop wakes up alone in Jiří's apartment. He finds a note which says that Jiří has gone to his father. Prokop opens the door when a veiled woman rings the bell. She begs Prokop to deliver a letter to Jiří. Prokop, still not recovered, decides to visit Jiří's father, a countryside doctor. An old, horse-powered mail carrier gives Prokop lift. Upon arriving he learns that Jiří has not visited his father in a long time. Prokop collapses. Tended by the doctor and his daughter Anči, Prokop slowly recovers, but cannot recall what has happened. One day he reads in a newspaper about krakatit, which is being promoted by someone named Carson, and Prokop suddenly remembers the explosion in his laboratory. He rushes to the laboratory where he meets Carson, a representative from Balttin Works, a foreign weapon manufacturer. Carson explains that Jiří had sold them Prokop's stock of krakatit and the formula, and that their experiments with krakatit have shown that it is a highly deadly explosive which can be detonated with high-frequency radio signals. However while they have the formula, they have failed to figure out the production procedure, and offer Prokop to work for them. Prokop declines but is brought to the Balttin palace by force. At the palace Prokop begins a romance with a princess. Meanwhile, he realizes he actually is in love with the veiled woman from Jiří's apartment. The Balttin executives offers him to marry the princess if he gives them krakatit. In anger, Prokop blows up the laboratory where he has been held captive, and with his coat loaded with explosives he confronts the princess, whose face dissolves. Prokop is helped to escape from the palace by an ambassador named d'Hémon, who brings him to a secret society of former world leaders and weapon dealers, who worship war and hail Prokop as Comrade Krakatit. As tumult breaks out, a can of krakatit, originally from Prokop's old laboratory, is emptied and the members fight to gather some of the powder for themselves. Prokop and d'Hémon leave and briefly run into the veiled woman. D'Hémon brings Prokop to the top of a hill made of magnetite, where Prokop's old laboratory has been relocated and turned into a secret radio station. They enter and d'Hémon makes Prokop push a button. All remaining krakatit, scattered around European capitals, then explode in the far distance. D'Hémon explains that the explosions are certain to trigger a great war which can be controlled from the radio station with krakatit. Prokop becomes furious and screams at d'Hémon, who disappears before his eyes. Prokop finds himself in a desolate, concrete landscape. He comes upon an enclosed factory, where he asks to see Jiří Tomeš. His requests is rejected, but he is allowed to meet a lab assistant, to whom he gives the letter from the veiled woman. Prokop walks away from the factory. After a while he sees it explode in the distance. The old mail carrier appears and gives Prokop a lift. The driver suggest Prokop should invent something that makes people's lives easier instead of killing people. Back at the hospital from the first scene, the doctor says that the patient now is breathing normally and the oxygen mask can be removed. - Karel Höger as Prokop - Florence Marly as Princess Wilhelmina Hagen - Eduard Linkers as Carson - Jiří Plachý as d'Hémon - Nataša Tanská as Anči Tomeš - František Smolík as Dr. Tomeš - Miroslav Homola as Jiří Tomeš - Vlasta Fabianová as the veiled woman / the revolutionist woman - Jaroslav Průcha as old mail carrier - Jiřina Petrovická as the nurse - Jaroslav Zrotal as the doctor - Bedřich Vrbský as Baron Rohn - Bohuš Hradil as Holz The film premiered in Czechoslovakia on 9 April 1948. In 1951 it was released in the United States by Artkino Pictures. In The New York Times, the film was called "a strident preachment for peace and against destructive nuclear fission, but basically it is clouded and halting drama." The critic wrote favourably about the performances of Höger, Marly, Tanská and Linkers, but felt: "Despite the adequate English subtitles, the rest of the cast moves through the scientist's dream world much like the robots invented by Čapek in R. U. R. They can't be blamed however, for Krakatit is sapped by a surfeit of symbolism." - "Krakatit". Česko-Slovenská filmová databáze (in Czech). POMO Media Group. Retrieved 2011-08-13. - Staff writer (1951-04-30). "'Krakatit,' Czech Motion Picture Derived From the Novel by Karel Capek, Opens Stand at Stanley". The New York Times. Retrieved 2011-08-14.

Every time I write a review for a book that’s been out for a while I feel like people are sitting there going, ‘You’ve only just read that now?’. Shhhhh!!! I only started taking readng seriously at the end of 2013, I have a long way to go alright! With this particular series I fell in love almost instantly. At the time of release all readers dedicated to the series were saddened by the fact it was the last one (the third book I mean), but while I was halfway through I made the happy discovery that there was a FOURTH BOOK coming out!!! EEEEE!!!! I am so happy! I cannot stress how in love with this book and series I am. Mind that it is Indie and could use a lot of edits, but the idea is fresh, the characters are multi-dimensional, and the story makes you cling to every page. I would love to see this book as a TV series, I think it’d do well. Seriously though, where are the rest of the romance books with mafia genres in them cause I want to read them. At the end of the second book in the series, The Untouchables, Melody has gone MIA and has left Liam to run their empire, but he can’t do that while he’s sitting behind bars. Or can he? Everything he’s done while in jail has been carefully planned even up to his court date. He knows he’s getting out and when he does there’ll be hell to pay. Thinking his wife abandoned him, Liam is proved wrong and is reunited with his wife and son and plan to take down the enemy who has been watching them all their lives. The man named Avian Doers. He will stop at nothing to take down the Callahans and ends up using someone in the family in order to get his revenge. This will probably be the toughest enemy the family has faced yet, and no matter what happens they’ll do it together as a family. As an avid reader I often find myself switching between genres every so often. I don’t devel into much of the subgenres like sports, cowboy, motorcycle, military, etc etc, but I do often dabble in bands, billionaires, CEOs, teachers, etc. Maybe I’ve just been living under a rock but serious, I’m digging mafia romance. Maybe I’m being biased because it’s my first time but seriously, the Callahans blew me out of the park. First, let’s just address that yes, I do think the book could have used more editing. But I don’t review or rate these books just by how well they were written. My ratings come from how much I enjoyed the book. The Ruthless People series is by no means a masterpiece of English Literature, but it is entertaining and I think that’s the point! (It’s not terrible that you can’t read it so that’s a definite plus!). If I had to answer which was my favourite out of the three I really couldn’t say. J. J. McAvoy did a very good job in keeping the tone of the book the same between all three novels, and each one brings something unique to the table. There’s just something about….loving someone so much that you want to kill them sometimes that turns me on. I think I’m weird like that. “The woman I married could fool angels into believing she was one of them.” It’s true what they say, Liam, Melody and the entire Callahan family are violent, ruthless, untouchable, and savage. Some of my new favourite words. Like I really can’t put into words…. These people are INSANE but they are insane within reason. Sure, let’s not forget they are criminals, but what they do, they do to protect their family. If they’d never been provoked by Avian Doers then they would have been content being left alone. Seriously, don’t poke the sleeping lion is all I’m saying. “But you see we can’t all be the phoenix, some of us have to be the ash.” American Savages is violent, it’s passionate, it’s raw, it’s different, and for mature audiences! If you want to read a truly epic series about mafias with guns, who cuss a lot and fight for family, then this is the series for you! 4/5 Hearts of Love

So after five long years I’ve finally completed my Journalism degree. Hip hip hooray!! After producing Brink Magazine I was commissioned to write a few articles for The Anglo Celt, but for the moment I am free and now and the lack of assignment deadlines has given me the urge to Stumbleupon and Pinterest to my heart’s content. Last week I discovered this website called Saphir Parfums (www.saphirperfume.com) This company are dedicated to creating copycat or “dupe” perfumes, for a fraction of the price of brand name fragrances. A 25ml bottle costs €8.99 and a 200ml bottle costs €24.99. They claim to be scientifically similar in the composition of over 70 popular fragrances but would they smell the same?? I just had to find out, so I scent (see what I did there) off for some samples. First off here is a list of their fragrances and their popular counterparts. 1. Eau De Saphir Eau De Rochas (Rochas) 2. New Romantica Anais Anais (Cacharel) 3. Rubi Aire De Loewe (Loewe) 4. Folie Opium (YSL) 5. Noches De Paris Paris (YSL) 6. Lady Godiva O De Lancome (Lancome) 7. Saphir 27 Carolina Herrera 8. Saphir 29 Chanel No 5 (Chanel) 9. Saphir 40 Tresor (Lancôme) 10. Select One The One (Dolce & Gabbana) 11. Agua De Mayo CK-One (Calvin Klein) 12 .Saphir 21 212 (Caroline Herrera) 13. Saphir Woman Hugo Woman (Hugo Boss) 14. Saphir Elle Emporio Elle (Giorgio Armani) 15. Nuovo Saphir NOA (Cacharel) 16. Elegance J’Adore (Christian Dior) 17. BLonda Allure (Chanel) 18. Brotes Woman Classique (Jean Paul Gaultier) 19. Vedette Agua Fresca (Alfaroma) 20. Ancora Angel (Thierry Mugler) 21. Acqua Donna Acqua Di Gio (Giorgio Armani) 22. Select Woman Dolce & Gabbana 23. Luxury Miracle (Lancome) 24. Happy Halloween (J. Del Pazo) 25. Blue Woman Ultraviolet Woman (Paco Ra 26. Prestige Coco Mademoiselle (Chanel) 27. Apple Lolita Lempicka 28. Pink Flower Kenzo (Kenzo) 29. Saphir Donna Burberry Classica (Burberry) 30. SPH Woman DKNY 31. Black Femme Armani Code (Giorgio Armani) 32. Select Blue Light Blue (Dolce & Gabbana) 33. Due Amore Amor Amor (Cacharel) 34. Oceanyc Woman Ralph (Ralph Laureen) 35. Touche Touch of Pink (Lacoste) 36. New Mazurca Eternity (Calvin Klein) 37. Furor De Saphir Euphoria (Calvin Klein) 38. SPH Green Be Delicious (DKNY) 39. Guirnalda L’Eau D’ Issey (Issey Miyake) 40. Saphir 25 Nina (Nina Ricci) 41. Saphir 50 CH (Carolina Herrera) 42. Saphir For Her Narciso Rodriguez For Her 43. X-Woman Black XS (Paco Rabanne) 44. Toy De Saphir Tous 45. Rich Woman Lady Million (Paco Rabanne) 46. Siloe Chloe 47. Idile De Saphir Iris De Prada (Prada) - Brisaroma Paco Rabanne - Armonia Armani (Giorgio Armani) - Marco Fahrenheit (Christian Dior) - Agua De Mayo Esencia (Loewe) - Boxes De Saphir Hugo (Hugo Boss) - Brotes Man Le Male (Jean Paul Gaultier) - Acqua Umo Acqua Di Gio (Giorgio Armani) - Select Man Dolce & Gabbana - Ved Man Agua Fresca (Alfaroma) - Saphir 21 Man 212 Man (C. Herrera) - Blue Man Ultraviolet Man (Paco Rabanne) - Boxes Dynamic Boss (Hugo Boss) - Absolute Rochas Man (Rochas) - Boxes Moving Boss in Motion (Hugo Boss) - Ancora Man A-Man (Thierry Mugler) - Oceanyc Man Polo Blue (Ralph Lauren) - Alone Solo (Loewe) - Armonia Black Armani Code (Giorgio Armani) - SP Man Allure Sport (Chanel) - Guirnalda Man L’Eau D Issey (Issey Miyake) - Select Blue Man Light Blue (Dolce & Gabbana) - X-Man De Saphir Black XS (Paco Rabanne) - Rich De Saphir 1 Million (Paco Rabanne) - Saphir 50 Man CH Man (C. Herrera) - Select One Man The One(Dolce & Gabbana) - Life De Saphir Diesel I decided on ten fragrances, six female scents and four male scents. Here’s my verdict. Prestige Coco Mademoiselle (Chanel) This is my mum’s favourite fragrance….when I walked into the house wearing Prestige she immediately asked me where I had found her secret stash of Coco Mademoiselle (CCM). It smells identical to CCM, sweet and flowery and it lasts for hours. For those who want the scent of Coco Mademoiselle without the hefty price tag I could not recommend Prestige enough. Agua De Mayo CK-One (Calvin Klein) CK-One used to be my fragrance of choice, an ex boyfriend had a bottle of it and I used to steal a spritz of it here and there. It’s such a classic unisex scent, citrusy but in my opinion borders on the manly side. Agua De Mayo recreates this balance perfectly and the fragrance lingers long after it has been applied. Select One The One (Dolce & Gabbana) A dear friend of mine used to cloak herself in this perfume, I can vividly remember sitting beside her in secondary school and being overpowered by the smell. Select One has the exact same spicy scent as D&G’s The One, however after been worn for a couple of hours it fades to a less intrusive musky scent, which is much more palatable in my opinion. I will definitely be recommending Select One to my friend- for my sake!! Elegance J’Adore (Christian Dior) I love everything about this fragrance. It’s so glamorous and opulent; it’s sweet but not sickeningly so. It lasts for hours and then fades to a delicate musky scent which smells. I can find no difference between Elegance and J’adore except the colossal price difference. I will definitely be ordering a large bottle of Elegance from Saphir. SPH Green Be Delicious (DKNY) I love the freshness of SPH Green. The scents of apples, sandalwood and rose really come through in this fragrance. It is a perfume I would wear on a daily basis as it’s so subtle yet fresh and clean. I need to order a large bottle of SPH Green as soon as possible! Saphir 29 Chanel No 5 (Chanel) I can understand why Ms Monroe wore this and only this in bed- it’s so strong it will stay on the sheets for weeks! Of course Chanel No 5 is a classic and Saphir 29 has recreated the scent impeccably- no easy feat as there are so many different notes in Chanel No 5. When first applied it emits a strong musky odour which leads to a sweet powdery scent after a couple of hours wear. Saphir 29 is a must buy for fans of Chanel No 5. Rich De Saphir 1 Million (Paco Rabanne) My boyfriend has not stopped wearing Rich De Saphir since it arrived in the post. It is a woody fragrance of sandalwood with hints of lemon and mint. It’s the perfect blend of musky and sweet and lasts for hours. Even after a long day of work he comes home and the scent still lingers. I will definitely be purchasing a large bottle of Rich De Saphir for Christmas!! Brotes Man Le Male (Jean Paul Gaultier) This is my personal favourite. I’ve always loved the look of the John Paul Gaultier sailor bottle, but have never been a fan of the price! Brotes Man smells of lavender, mint, cinnamon and vanilla and these all combine to create a sensual and irresistible scent. Cannot recommend Brotes Man highly enough!! Boxes De Saphir Hugo (Hugo Boss) This is the fragrance that I am most familiar with. My dad has worn it for years. Boxes De Saphir have nailed the scent! In fact I replaced dad’s bottle of Hugo Boss with Boxes De Saphir and he couldn’t tell the difference! It has the same warm woody fragrance and lasts for hours. That’s Dad’s Christmas present sorted! Armonia Black Armani Code (Giorgio Armani) Armonia Black captures the oriental spicy hints of Armani Code. It’s quite a heavy scent so is more suited to night time wear. It is almost overpoweringly strong when first applied but fades to a pleasant musk after an hour or so. Fans of Armani Code will love Armonia Black. So overall I think that Saphir have done an amazing job with their fragrance range, It’s perfect for those who want to smell luxurious at a fraction of the price, believe me the only difference is the packaging! Try it out for yourself!

While reading your novel The Passion of New Eve (1977), I could not stop thinking to myself: this must be how it feels to go through a reverse out-of-body experience. My mind is there with you, catching the references, the twisted sense of humour, the symbolic spins, the sharp satire, and all that; but my body is forever gone elsewhere. I do not engage, I am numb, and I cannot care less. When the novel starts, our protagonist and narrator, Evelyn, a self-serving Englishman, is about to leave England to take up a new position in a university in New York. On his last night in London, he goes to see a film starring his all-time favourite actress: Tristessa St. Ange, a Garbo-esque silent movie star, as “beautiful as only things that don’t exist can be”, whom he reveres for her tragic demeanour. As a tribute to his boyhood passion for Tristessa, whilst he watches her on screen, Evelyn is given fellatio by a girl he takes to see the film. Then we jump to a dystopian New York, a city overrun by rats. When Evelyn arrives, the United States is torn by crime, riots, and an ongoing civil war between racial and gendered militias. The teaching job he has been offered no longer exists, because the university has been taken over by a black militia. Evelyn is reduced to living with very little money, roaming the labyrinthic streets of rotting New York (“the fructifying chaos of anteriority, the state before the beginning of the beginning”). Shortly thereafter, he meets Leilah, a beautiful African-American nightclub dancer with whom he becomes intoxicated. After a brief, abusive affair, Leilah get pregnant and Evelyn immediately becomes repelled by her (“she became only an irritation of the flesh, an itch to be scratched”). He insists on an abortion which leaves her sterile; then, somewhat relieved, he leaves everything behind, and heads on to the Californian desert. Once there, Evelyn is soon captured by a cult-like feminist militia: a group of Amazon-like, one-breasted women who have been living in the hidden city of Beulah, made of womblike caverns in the underground desert (“a place where contrarieties are equally true”), under the rule of Mother, “The Grand Emasculator”, a many-breasted surgical genius who looks like an ancient fertility goddess. There, our protagonist is raped by Mother in a bizarre ceremony, and his semen is collected. Both as punishment for Evelyn’s misogyny and as part of Mother’s messianic plan, he is castrated and surgically transformed into a woman – in Beulah, Evelyn is reborn as the New Eve: “I had become my own masturbatory fantasy”; “They had turned me into the Playboy centre fold.” As part of her plan, Mother hopes to impregnate Evelyn/Eve with his/her own sperm, so that a New Messiah can be born. Trying to come to terms to her newly imposed gender, and terrified of motherhood, Eve manages to escape to desert once again. But, alas, only for a little while. “I did not know that the apotheosis was inevitable and, however fast I fled, I could not run away from it but would always be running towards it. Indeed, to run away from it would be the quickest way to arrive there; my inexorable destination selects my route. I drove on.” Eve is soon captured by another militia hidden in the desert: a Manson-like cult of enslaved women, led by a misogynist named Zero, a paranoid, one-eyed so-called poet. Eve is then raped and enslaved by Zero, who “regulated our understanding of him and also our understanding of ourselves in relation to him”. Eve experiences a deep change in his position in society: he has to fend as a woman in a male dominated environment. “Although I was a woman, I was now also passing for a woman, but, then, many women born spend their whole lives in such imitations.” Zero, very much like Mother, is also on a weird mission. The so-called poet is as much obsessed with Tristessa as Evelyn was. However, he believes that the Garbo-esque star has made him infertile, and he is on a mission to kill her. The Manson-like Zero leads his slave-wives to Tristessa’s gothic-like glass palace, attacks her, and, lol and behold, discovers she is a male in disguise. Life ain’t easy for the New Eve, my dear: she is forced into a mock-up wedding ceremony with her former obsession; and Tristessa is forced to rape her. But, as you put it, “the vengeance of the sex is love”: our protagonist and the film star rediscover themselves in the midst of their newly discovered sexuality. And this is not even the end of the story. Eve is about to experience another rebirth – and to give birth. Your writing was the strength of the book for me: exuberant, overloaded with literary, symbolic and mythological references. We have the desert as a place for temptation, discovery, and redemption (“a landscape that matches the landscape of my heart”); and we have the search of one’s self, “that most elusive of all chimeras”, “the Minotaur at the heart of the maze”. You’ve certainly did a good job at taking apart mythologies here, asking us very nuanced questions about we understand and expect of gender and sexuality. The myth of Tiresias is your special plaything: the blind prophet, turned into a woman by Hera as a punishment, then, after seven years, turned into a man again. Here we have Evelyn/Eve – this Orlando-like character, no longer a man but not yet a woman; a sort of Plato’s hermaphrodite, or the androgynous mind of A Room of One’s Own; a hybrid person with no history, a creature who belongs to no group and nowhere, caught in the process of permanently rebuilding his/her/their own identity. If this book is your feminist statement, as you once said, I kind of buy it (in its context). As a radical attempt to reverse the patriarchal tradition, Beulah ends up emulating such patterns, and becomes equally rigid and constraining – it’s a society for one-breasted women only. Moreover, much like Zero’s cult of enslaved wives, it’s a sterile project, hidden in the middle of the desert, kept by women who continue to be complicit in their own subjugation. Your New Eve turns her back on both Zero and Mother. She follows her own way, alone, and broken. I also appreciate the sensorial nature of your writing: we feel the city rotting, the skin blistering, the disgust, the brutality. You defy any attempt at domestication or good taste. You want us to feel repulsed. I kind of enjoyed the contrasting overlap between lyrical writing and, well, plain bad taste. New Eve was in fact calculated to give offence, you said, and the book really tries hard at it. The problem for me, however, was the fact that your method turns against itself in one point very early in the process: we become quite numb. We do as you do (and seem to bid us to): we refuse any attempt at engaging or caring. In the end, your book is very conservative in its underlying impulse to overuse sexuality and gender to impart shock and disgust. By the end, we really cannot care less, my dear. And this is such a shame. We are locked inside Tristessa’s glass palace: a cold thing, forever lost, and hidden in plain sight. “For hours, for days, for years, she had wandered endlessly within herself but never met anybody, nobody.” ― Angela Carter, “Degredation is the subtlest drug, the most insinuating. But they could do nothing to me I had not already imagined.” ― Angela Carter, “Our external symbols must always express the life within us with absolute precision; how could they do otherwise, since that life has generated them? Therefore we must not blame our poor symbols if they take forms that seem trivial to us, or absurd … the nature of our life alone has determined their forms. A critique of these symbols is a critique of our lives.” ― Angela Carter, “A dreadful innocence protected her. She was like a mermaid, an isolated creature that lives in fulfilment of its own senses; she lured me on, she was the lorelei of the gleaming river of traffic with its million, brilliant eyes that intermittently flowed between us.” ― Angela Carter, “Her mouth had a strange flavour, like that of those mysterious fruits, such as the medlar, that are not fit to eat until they are rotten; her tongue was incandescent.” ― Angela Carter, “So, together, we entered the same reverie, the self-created, self-perpetuating, solipsistic world of the woman watching herself being wathced in a mirror that seemed to have split apart under the strain of supporting her world.” ― Angela Carter, “So, hypocrites that we were, we spared ourselves the final hypocrisy of love. Or, I saved myself from that most brutal of all assaults, the siege of the other.” ― Angela Carter, “I went towards you as towards my own face in a magnetic mirror, but when, in accordance with all the laws of physics, you came towards me, I did not feel a sense of homecoming, only the forlorn premonition of loss.” ― Angela Carter, “Flesh is a function of enchantment. It uncreates the world.” ― Angela Carter, “Landlocked so long, I’d forgotten the omnivorous inscrutability of the sea, how it nibbles the earth with a mouth of water, how it ignores us.” ― Angela Carter, “I am helplessly lost in the middle of the desert, without map or guide or compass. The landscape around me like an old fan that has lost all its painted silk and left only the care, yellowed sticks of antique ivory in a world in which, since I am alive, have no business. The earth has been scalped, flayed; it is peopled only with echoes. The world shines and glistens, reeks and swelters till its skin peels, flakes, cracks, blisters. I have found a landscape that matches the landscape of my heart.” ― Angela Carter, About the book - Virago Modern Classics, 2015, 192 p. Goodreads - First published 1977 - My rating: 3 stars - I read this book for The 1977 Club.

Ok so I guess some know some don’t but it’s irrelevant right now so google it and thank us later for the smile. Yes if you come to us, we have amazing coffee, fresh ground latte’s but we do use Tea Bags in case you wondered. We use, we don’t do Ok so I guess some know some don’t but it’s irrelevant right now so google it and thank us later for the smile. Yes if you come to us, we have amazing coffee, fresh ground latte’s but we do use Tea Bags in case you wondered. We use, we don’t do Because we all like to be rebels, the moment you hear this you may be already planning on giving it a shot. Certain things are harmless to try a DIY and certain things are not, after all I guess years of study there are things that will be taught you can’t get from a 3 1/2 minute YouTube video ( but then again who knows right!) Things not to try yourself Have you ever got to the point where your hair has had so much done to it, to try and make your life easier yet everything you do is making it worse? It needs rescuing, it needs someone to tell you to stop, reassess and work out the smartest way to get you back in track. Keep in mind a lot of salons motivations are to add cash in till versus actually fixing the problem, a lot of the time to fix the problem it will involve not doing what you want and you not getting things your way ( that’s why it’s hard to hear sometimes and you may search for a faster result, which doesn’t exist ). We find a lot of clients come to us after trying to get their dream hair after they have had a series of expensive ” it’s going to solve all your problems” services. Good or bad, we are know not to sugar coat much, what you see is what you get! When your not feeling your best and someone tells you something will fix it, you tend to believe them because they are the professionals after all but no matter where you live, you really need to do your fact checking first. I would always suggest google but again you need to filter that too, a lot of companies pay people to slag off other companies online ( I know right 😂) so some amount of common sense is involved when looking and it’s always advisable to get a face to face ( it’s free ) and get opinions. Honestly most of you probably don’t even use your phone to call anyone anymore, laptops are hardly used and most of our work is done from your mobile. Shit I’m writing this on my phone, uploading images and posting it from bed. When we think about work and marketing it’s completely a waste of time almost having a landline number, in fact at home I don’t have one, who even does anymore. With 70-80% of our bookings now being done via DM’s on social media it means we are open 24/7 which is cool, hard work but cool. It’s honestly great to be connected to everyone all the time, sure eventually we all need some time off but if it’s 11pm on a Saturday night and you decide you want to get your hair done the next morning then it’s easy AF to slide a DM and wait. Sure if the business isn’t going to answer for 24 hours then it’s useless but if it all works then it’s solid gold! Remember back when you were 23 life was gold, you could stay out till 4am drink like a fish, eat whatever you want and still be on top of your game at 10am? Well your now a little older and that type of life, even the thought of it makes you feel sick just thinking about it. Guess what, as you get older things change, yep sure you always bagged people who used to have a bad back or struggled after s big night but that’s you now! Your hair at 19 is never ever ever going to be the same when you are 25-30-35 or 50 and no matter how many times you tell yourself, or us it’s not going to change it! It’s life and your body changes, can you turn the clock back….. in short no. Yes there are products and diet that may help marginally to ensure the best possible hair but it’s not going to be the same ever again! Moral of the story? Enjoy what you have, when you have it, embrace change and make the most of what’s in front of you. No matter what, tomorrow won’t be the same as it is today, it’s change and you need to be happy your alive. Now maybe because I didn’t grow up here or maybe because I’m naturally ignorant but I’m kind of blazè when it comes to Bollywood ( sorry ). By that I mean I would barely wait in a line for French fries let alone to see someone’s face. In fact even if I was 5 years old waiting to sit on Santa’s knee for that traditional photo in the shopping centre, I still don’t think I would bother. Having the chance to meet some amazing people some work in offices, some outside and some in movies, sorry to break your bubble….they are, we are, all the same. Therefore we don’t go down that route of posting photos, unless it makes them more normal that is. And whoever can eat a Hamburger like this boss Chrissy Teigen then deserves every bit of shoutout possible. If your celebrity crush can’t woof down a quarter pounder like a boss, are they even crush worthy? Ask yourself that! We all hold onto things that aren’t working or don’t fit, could be because you like the idea of it or it could be you are scared of the options. Either way at some point you have to just let it go. If your plant is dying you don’t just sit there and watch it die do you? Now we aren’t saying shave your hair off, although for some you absolutely should. What we are saying is don’t hold on to it and expect things to miraculously change. If you always do what you always done, you will always get what you already have! In other words, nothing will change until you do, it’s really that simple. So if your holding on thinking things are about to change, chances are they won’t unless you change first. Well in our quest to make sure we cover everything, leaving nothing out we wanted to give a big shout to the basics which we see are s new thing in some salons and bathrooms! We are talking about how to remove knots! Now it’s not a new thing to start from the bottom, but some people just like to rip it out like it’s a birthday present or something but it’s not! Combing directly from the roots whilst you have these tangles will cause damage to your hair and possibly break, split and create so much drama in your hair that only scissors will fix it! So make sure you start from the bottom and remove the knots as you work up the hair, another amazing invention is this little beauty, the Tangle Teezer which will get the knots out quicker than the sale items being sold out at the season end Sale at Zara. Check out Tangle Teezer It’s a fairly common request ” I want to be ash blonde” typically like it’s ordering a pizza with little understanding what’s involved or if it’s even possible. After all that’s our job so we are cool with it, but want to shed some light on the facts about it. Now without getting overly technical the above photo is not on dark hair, the base color is lighter and has a slightly warmer tone, the highlights however are ash so the two combined give you what you are seeing not the individual “ash” color. The darker you are the more gold/red pigment your hair has & will throw off when it’s lightened. To get “ash” your hair must be lightened ( it doesn’t come out of a tube, it’s a process and not typically a short one either ) and to keep the hair in one piece would require 2-3 applications then toning. Sadly I have seen foils being done and irons or a hairdryer put over the foils to speed it up ( your hair will be fried, cuticle will snap off and I can guarantee it’s gold as your reading this. Bleaching hair you should not add heat, you can’t speed up the process! There is no short cuts only bad decisions and poorly educated people doing it or endorsing the wrong people. So can it be ash on dark hair? Yes but check out the photo above, you can see super light sections and some slightly gold right, that’s because it’s done over several sittings to get the hair light and keep it on your head. Now whilst you think you may want ash, chances are even after you get it ( if it’s possible ) you will have upkeep you will need to do in order for it to stay the right tone! Possible yes, easy no but possible and for those claiming you have ash, this is what ash actually looks like! So if you have had a bad color, give us a call let’s see what we can do to get your hair instagram ready! Seasons come and go and we all tend to follow clothes trends but very few will flip their hair look as often. Chances are it will be two or three seasons of “I’m growing it” or I like it short and not much in between. We love our bae Merrylin Boro who within the last 8 months had the following looks, The Bowl haircut Shag with micro bangs Micro bob and micro bangs And now is growing the bangs out! It’s one thing to hold onto something that works for you it’s another not to move with a look and this is what we all strive for. Evolving your hair look should be lots of small changes so you don’t get bored and people looking at you are constantly looking at something fresh! We get asked a lot now about wash and wear hair vs overdone blowouts which are kind of outdated and tend to leave you looking like an Auntie from an Indian TV drama from circa 1970’s. We are very anti fuss and in fact promote easy hair as it brings out your personality and if managed correctly looks best. Can you get a blow out, of course you can, but it shouldn’t look too stiff and stuck into place or you run the risk looking older than you are, unless you’re trying to look older to get into clubs that is. It’s not about having messy hair it’s about having hair that you can actually manage at home yourself. Who needs extra work when getting ready? Using our signature dry cutting which is more than just cutting hair dry ( it’s about cutting it into the shape pre washing and post drying using a Japanese technique of cutting ) enables you the hair to be encouraged to sit a certain way. Now this doesn’t mean defy gravity but rather assist dramatically in the “wash and go” look so you can look good everyday. If we can’t make you look good chances are, your Ugly The rain comes and you are all suddenly on the Internet searching for a miracle ( sorry but 😂) the extra moisture in the air causes hair to go crazier than your first boyfriend but there is a solution but you probably won’t like it but here goes. Hair and the curl is a direct reflection of the moisture content of your hair, the more moisture the cleaner the curl, less moisture ( internally ) the more misbehaved the curl. If you want a product you most likely have already in your bathroom try a serum when it’s wet and again gently applied. Tips to help prevent frizz If your a hair maintained ( trimmed every 6-8 weeks regardless if your growing it or not ) this removes split ends that will themselves add to the frizz. If you are one of those people who flips your hair upside down shakes it, or wraps it in a towel on top of your head stop doing it!!! This type of mistreatment will only add aggregation to your hair once dry, pat it dry don’t rub it like you’re drying a wet dog! When you have the conditioner in each time you wash it ( and you should condition it every time, it closes the cuticle and prevents moisture escaping ) use a wide tooth comb when it’s in and detangle. If you get a blow out, chances are at some point you have experienced the hairstylist burning your hair into place vs gently encouraging it. Finish the blow out with cool air, this helps close the cuticle giving it shine and keeping the moisture inside. Use 2-3 drops of Serum ( we recommend Cristali Liquid by Alfa Parf ) when it’s freshly washed and again as it’s 90% dry So recently I met someone who had lost a LOT of weight, we got chatting ( my first reaction was is she sick? ) she had been on a “trend diet” loosing over 10kg in a matter of two months which is crazy! After we finished chatting and me thinking wtf I need to know what she did here, we started talking hair and this is when I knew something was wrong. About 30% of her hair at the top had fallen out, like gone, vanished finito bye bye. I Couldn’t believe what I was seeing it was crazy how suddenly this had happened between visits. You all need to know the basics behind a healthy lifestyle and food, rather than possible having a flirtatious relationship with what goes into your mouth or treating it like fuel, try thinking about it as the difference between health and sickness. We get a lot of people ask ” what should I eat to make my hair grow longer faster etc etc” these same people literally put their hair through hell, most times not even getting it trimmed regularly, over doing colours and damaging it constantly. Yet expect eating a so called ” super food” will make it all go away…. it won’t. Before you get into a diet that will surely drop a few kilos fast it’s important to know you could be entering into a situation leaving your body short of what it needs and could experience all sorts of side effects. Our bodies need certain things in order to function properly so ensure that’s happening before you try and defy science and think you can break the law of nature. Seems like there is a lot of people that are not in business or hairdressers that know so much more than us and we love them all ❤️ Apparently and we never knew this but if you have a big sign you will be busy, if it lights up you will be known as the best, get neon plus one that flashes and you may as well order that private jet because you are going to be rocking! Shit, apparently cutting hair well has nothing to do with it? If only we had known we would have lit it up like a Christmas tree 🎄 Well two years in and we are going stronger than ever so I guess the sun or moon must be lighting it up cos we are doing great! For those who say we can’t find you, there is a little app called “google maps” and if you type in “Rod Anker Salons” chances are it will take you right to our door, right beside Altitude Cafe or two doors down from Bombay Shirt Company. If you are still struggling like a German trying to eat rice with chop sticks 🥢 then head to Meherchand Market and call us on 01141010011 as our team love explaining it to you, your driver, your auto driver or the bus driver if the case may be. See you soon Whilst you all may know us as a salon that talks nonsense, yes it’s true a lot of the time but when it comes to hair color we never joke. Follow Jason on Instagram Using what we have around us we went for a walk and talked about counteracting colours, what colours balance other colours and what colours enhance other colours. It’s one thing to know the theory and another to have it truly understood. Even a walk in colourful Meherchand market can be educational if you are open to it! Come see what we can do for you Healthy hair is not that hard to get, getting shine is possible for everyone but it comes with a catch and it’s typically going to cost you less and you will spend less time in the salon than you do now! We hear all sorts of things happen in salons from being told to do “hair spa” treatments weekly to apply oil, both are a waste of time and money ( typically but certainly the oil!!!) So how do you get shinny hair? Well instead of treating it like a rug you bought at the local market start treating it like a vintage hand woven rug and you will be on your way. A lot of people we meet have had every service known to mankind ( because they were told it was good for them ) and are now left with dry brittle damaged hair that the only fix is a pair of scissors. We believe that hair must be respected in order to be healthy both in the salon as well as at home, you can’t expect to get something nice done once then treat it like a rug your washing in the Ganges and expect it to be at its best just because you have somewhere to be tonight. Doesn’t work like that! Some things are not as obvious and to be honest sometimes we have been told our posts are s little cryptic, thanks for noticing lol. When it comes to the color, black it’s a little more complicated and there are pro’s and con’s so let’s talk about them. Black will shine more as it reflects all light, so basically it may look good on the surface but could be in terrible condition, you won’t see it but you will surely feel it sooner or later, it’s a player 😳 It’s color will not show details and can be deceptive, you can not see what’s its doing, could be good but could be bad you won’t know. The reality is the movement and texture won’t be visible so a change won’t be noticeable as if there was variation. Add variation, not saying blonde or white but don’t have it completely black as this is rarely a natural color, add another darker color to it to offset its starkness. After all is said and done, no one wants to have fake looking hair. I don’t know why but some people generally the lazy ones tend to think they successful people are born rich or have had friends that have helped. Not sure who they are referring too or what planet they live on but it couldn’t be further from the reality. A few years ago I put every motivational book in the rubbish, removes them all because I realised the time I was wasting reading how to be motivated I wasn’t doing anything actually productive. All I needed was to do more think less about how, just start. There was a little motivation from someone as to why I kept them all and hearing someone tell me they are useless made me think hard about why I had bought them in the first place. I hear people that have the most elaborate business plans and really well thought out PDF presentations that you know has the depth of a puddle on the footpath and the main motivation is to make money. I don’t know about anyone else but if money is the main motivation you will not have the same drive as if it were to create something bigger than you for a cause or reason. I guess only you will know if it’s money driven or it comes from the heart. Find something that you love doing, then find a way to do that every day until you die, put every effort in every day and continue to find ways to be better. Always think of yourself as a novice not an expert and keep going patiently. That’s the secret, no shortcuts that will last or get you anywhere you want to be! We are pro natural, I know kind of weird coming from a hair salon when talking about color but we actually believe enhancing what you have rather than masking it and creating a high Maintainence situation. A lot of woman are letting the grey show and we are helping them, because we know you have more to do than sit in a salon every 2 weeks covering up your white hair. The issue starts early on when you get a color maybe years ago and the color your doing is still the same as you had when you were 25 and you haven’t been that color since. Your hair lightens up as you get older as well as your skin and in order to look natural. Where the problem starts is not when you have 20-30 grey hairs, it’s why it’s above 40% white and you are still colouring it dark ( in most cases we see black!). One of the problems is sometimes hairdressers find it easier to color it black and give you 100% coverage to make you happy but in fact this will give you a visible regrowth faster than ever! Where we come in to try to save you money, time and look good is we take the color and try and match you a color that’s between your natural color and the white that is appearing. This gives you less mark and definition in the regrowth, making visits needed less frequent. This not only gives you more time, it makes you look younger and a better version of yourself. So if you are tired of being tied down to this color decision it’s about time you changed. We all have an idea what we want, that’s a good thing right? Well yes and you shouldn’t t listen to anyone if your happy, again yes. Be yourself no matter what, yes but….. There are times you need to take on board a little advice, even if it’s from the Zoo keeper! If you didn’t know by know some people get paid to take photo’s post them online to look like it’s natural, I know right. This is a sign of marketing changing the landscape of what we do and it’s real and in full swing. Does it work better than a print ad, well that’s not for us to say but we can tell you results are there for sure. For us a large portion of our business interacts, finds us, books with us from social media. Some Salon Facebook some Rod’s Facebook and some via Salon Instagram and some via Rod’s instagram Do selfies work, yes. You have to have a voice or it’s just a selfie and you can simply upload all the photos in your phone and expect things to start happening because they won’t. Recent studies show that by 2020 TV as we knew it will not hold the power in advertising that it once did, things have changed and in fact majority of people don’t even watch commercial TV anymore, option for online like Netflix. If you don’t move with the times or try and be ahead of it, you will fail it’s just a matter of time how long you will last. It might be that every says to you your hair looks good long, or it could be your so lucky to have a guy that has such a good job. But what makes you happy is the question you need to ask yourself! Isn’t love, unconditional? Both self love and the love of others? What changes with a haircut? Nothing. What is the big deal if you work in an office or freelance as an artist? Nothing Whats wrong with being independent? Nothing. Make yourself happy, you only get one life and it’s best served up with honesty with yourself and what you want and who you want to be, regardless of what anyone says. If someone has a problem, it’s not your issue. Isn’t it funny that we are so obsessed with everything a lot of us have lost our tolerance to be a good human! People fight, opinions vary, some have bad days, others just loose it every now and then but if your in it your in it. Compromise and support isn’t just a verbal thing. It is about sometimes getting a Top knot and other times getting a blowout and/or giving. Some days it’s Top knots some days it’s a blow out, keep the variation alive Be kind, love one another and 😀 Nothing is more frustrating than getting a color done, loving it only to have it wash out a week later or at least fade. Now before I hear from someone saying the black has washed out of the roots, it’s not sweetheart it’s called regrowth we are talking fade which has nothing to do with growth. Here are a few causes of color fade you should discuss with your hairstylist. So before you start reading home remedies or taking advice from people that give you a remedy out of the kitchen we suggest getting facts out of a salon. Come speak to us today and see how we can reduce your hair appointments and keep your color longer. Ok you got me, of course we knew it’s a sport, we do it getting out of bed like every day. Nope that’s bollocks we don’t. What is interesting about the sport that has to do with hair is this. It uses the weight and speed of movement to best transfer you from A to B to C to D without using excessive force. So basically it’s using your own body weight and flow of movement to transport you. Now our technique of cutting it similar we use the adding or removal of weight to manipulate the movement of hair naturally without using excess force. Basically we are the Parkour masters of hair, yes we are. For the love of god ladies finally us blokes have been sent blessings ten fold! We were totally over hearing you tell us you’re running away with Jon Snow like you actually thought you would. Well guess what!? And please look at Rose Leslie’s face, that smile is for all you girls to know you all lost and no matter how much you talk about it, the only Snow you are getting is in the mountains and you won’t be mountin ( if you know what I mean! Congrats to them both There are so many good quotes we can all save and post, use them as captions, hurl them out at the right time socially and yet very few actually live them. It used to be called two faced but I guess now we have new names for it but who knows. Constant social media stalking has made us very educated ( almost experts some would say lol ) on the depth of utter crap that some salons quote, they apparently are ALL the best, ALL are the most qualified, saw a few that apparently Rod trained but he didn’t, some bragging they are the biggest and get this one that said it was the first lol. God knows no one cares how big your doodle is, only your the one focusing on it, no one cares how much space you have for a salon, no one cares how fast you opened, no one cares about anything other than what you do, how well you do it, how much experience your staff have and if you stand by your product. If you do it and won’t support the consumer if things go wrong, guess what…. your a liar. Authentic marketing is the only way to choose a service in a people driven business because it shows personality rather than attitude or a pissing contest. So before you get that A frame that says “Your hair is your crown” or “blow out before you go out” or whatever it was put outside your salon thinking your super creative, train, talk and listen, good relationships are a two way street not a bus lane or a one way lane. A lot of times in our life we may know the facts but just feel better hearing another form of reality, we may not believe it but we all want to hear it. We personally love a good story or two but also have both feet firm in the reality bucket when it comes to myths. Oh yes and just because your granny told you doesn’t make it fact! A lot of what you think you know as fact is more myth than reality but I guess unless you believe it you won’t believe it. Some think putting oil on your head actually feeds the hair, reality hair is dead keratin and oil and water don’t mix so no natural oil will be able to be removed nor breathe life into a dead organism but hey your granny knows best! Pulped onion rubbed into your scalp regrow hair, um no it just makes you stink! Head massage is good but not essential, hair loss is normal and you can’t stop it, majority of your hair problems are genetic! Let’s go out, they said. It will be fun, they said! Now you are left watching them having fun and are left feeling like you’re a different breed to them, no doubt they will ask what was wrong with you the next day too, like why weren’t you having fun right. Well if you can even slightly relate to this, then it’s about time you got your little tush into the salon and starting experimenting with some fresh looks on your hair, no not zebra stripes either that’s just not cool. Maybe some fresh balayage or even bangs but either way it’s about time you took control and made you the centre of attention again! Call us on 01141010011 Ever worn a pair of jeans so much they start falling apart yet you still wear them because they fit so well? If your answer is no then chances are you are not even living life, people do yes, it’s what happens when you’re busy living life and it’s good, very good! Well the same thing can happen with your hair, it works, you know how to manage it, dry it, take it out on a Friday night and dress it, hell you probably know how to resurrect it even on s Wednesday night. It’s your bae, you have done the walk of shame with it that many times the Uber driver knows your birthday. You know how much shampoo to use, how long it’s going to take to blow dry it’s just easy. But is it still working for you? The reality is as we get older ( even 6 – 12 moths ) we change, sure some people are still doing the same tricks they did 10 years ago or still in a toxic love triangle that will require an intervention or one person to stop it. So do you still do the same thing just because it’s easy? Reality no, you have to evolve for yourself and in this case for your look! Just because you wore it a certain way in school, babe you are 35 you are not studying anymore your a grown up! If you know anything, like even a little ( if you can place an order for an outfit online ) understand your hair needs to change. Sending it for a wash every now and then isn’t taking care of business! The idea of going a pastel color probably has crossed your mind at least once or twice but the time and effort to get it let alone the cost to maintain it has most likely stopped you. Then there is the idea that it’s super visible and in your face right? Well it doesn’t have to be, check out this peek a boo line pastel that will show itself only when your hair moves! Who else is so tired of seeing the same crap in the name of marketing. Everyone calls themselves and influencer like it’s a commodity or a term you can even claim yourself ( fyi it’s a terms you get called not you call yourself, just like your hair is your hair not hairs! So over that too ) We see your posts, think ah ok this place might be cool, you go only to discover the person doing the social media might be cool but the place sucks. It needs to flow through and deliver what it promises, from look, attitude as well as personality of the brand. For the sake of all our sanity and possibly everyone unfollowing you or altering you to “mute all” pls try to be authentic and a tad original it’s becoming rather boring. Same shirts, same clothes, using references we have all seen and calling yourself original or artistic it’s kinda blah. While we are in such a ” clean out the cupboard” kind of mood, no one cares if your the first, biggest, fastest or whatever we only care if you are actually the best and claiming that title only by yourself with no back up is also a sign your telling porky pies. With the temperature above 40 for the last 3-4 weeks we are all looking for ways to keep our cool. We told you get a fade, we showed you photos, talked about it and now your all doing it! Get your fade today with Mohit today call 01141010011 Everyone has a goal to be able to roll out of bed looking like your ready to be on the cover of Italian Vogue yet your habits or routine possibly are not going to get that happening. When you get that blow out and it’s looking amazing you wish it would last forever but if your doing this then chances are it won’t. 1. Do you ruff up your hair, flip it this way and that like you’re an extra on a hair TVC? 2. You run your fingers through it too much making it smoother? 3. At night a satin pillowcase and loosely tie it up or even a loose braid. Treat it gentle, move it with your fingers closed together, don’t go all deep and get in amoungst it day 1 or day 2 or it will loose the definition and smoothness. Try these tips to get it to last longer, when you wake up remove the hair band, a little serum and smoother it down and you should be good to go! Ok so let’s just start by saying I get it, this long hair thing, fine ok you want long hair good for you I’m ok with it. What I’m not ok with is when you play with it more than a 13 year old boy plays with his junk, when your standing in front of me in a que flipping tossing your hair and it’s literally going all over me and when you think you can have a dramatic change without loosing length. It’s the fact that you think it’s sexy having hair so long you can tuck into your socks, I’m sure someone thinks that hair flip is sexy, sure as hell is not us. If you have long hair, we love you but you must look after its & stop flipping You may not believe your mum, but when you read it on line it’s gospel right? Appartments from the fact that they are bloody expensive this blueberry smoothie bowl will change your life. It’s nothing to do what’s in the bowl, it’s putting your mind in the right place whilst making it that will change things for you. It’s not ideal that someone else makes it for you, it’s better if you make the effort to do it yourself because it’s the action that creates the path for you to change your ways. This leads to more positive thoughts, increased productivity, increased hope which leads to excitement which leads to happiness in turn creates change. So before you think how can a beautiful berry/mango smoothie bowl change your life or grow your hair think about that and make a small effort every day for a big change. Trends come and go but this one will be around for a while we think. It’s a color but it’s imitating natural hair because the longer your hair is the variation from roots to ends is natural. It’s been through more sun, wind, blow drying etc etc so it should be lighter. Considering for most of us even getting the time to update the new iOS update is a challenge it’s a color that once done right will give you months of freedom. Now you have more time to do the things that actually matter, after all I’m sure you would agree sitting in the salon every week is hardly adding much value to your life. Unless it’s with us of course. Get a free consult and see if this color is suitable for you by calling 011 41010011 Random questions you don’t ask your OBYN or your hairstylist but I guess why not, give it a try. If you can save 5% and the only catch is you have to go in at a certain time, walking on one leg, do a check in tagging 5 friends then a Instagram post while you are there tagging at least 2 friends, the salon, geo tag and put in a link into your made up blog that is read by your two bff’s and pay cash. Now that’s a deal that I know some would jump through hoops! But yeah your right, we joking, we don’t do “deals” we do hair but if you have an Ex then this may be right up your alley 💕 We hear a lot that you want a sexy haircut or color and let’s be honest it’s subjective but at the end of the day you want something that makes you feel sexy more than anything else. A dress doesn’t have to be short to be sexy or a top showing cleavage isn’t always sexy it’s about how it fits in the overall picture and how you feel in it. Getting that look is about finding out what you feel, how you think about sexy and what you have in your mind vs choosing something from a menu or Pinterest. We always take the time to have a proper discussion about you, your lifestyle, your dream hair and how you feel because that’s what’s the difference between a good haircut and something that fits you, your expectations and brings you into your true self. If you have been living in a cave for the past year or so you may have missed this low Maintainence look and it’s still going strong! The more people we talk too the more it’s obvious no one actually wants to go to the salon every few weeks for a color, we all have way too much on our plate so how can you look good for a solid 6/8 weeks without looking like a sale item in the dollar shop? This is how! You have to ask yourself the question, what are you chasing? Is it acceptance, is it friends, is it appreciation of art or is it just plain trend driven? What are we talking about? Well it’s now become obvious that a lot of people are chasing fame the lazy way and think the world can’t see that someone who barely gets out of bed, is known for nothing, has photos as plain as day can rack up thousands of likes in such a short time. No effort, not known for anything. Well today we call this the lazy blogger ( possibly doesn’t blog either ) Now this is not mean to be a nasty or I would be tagging everyone I know who spend more time and money getting likes than working towards success. This is about making us look at what we are searching for. I don’t know about everyone else but Instagram has become a little boring and too “cliche” or maybe after 5-6 years we all need to take a break. You shouldn’t need to see thousands of likes to make you feel good about yourself and most certainly don’t think for a second taking shortcuts will help you because it won’t. If you can’t get it naturally it’s obviously not working so you need to work for it! People always tend to think there must be an easier way, well unless you have something unique or incredible going on or a sick skill chances are there isn’t. Even then and with all the support of a few pages under your brands it still isn’t easy, but I guess some still want to play the smoke and mirror game. Yes it’s a thing, a beautiful color that won’t leave you heading back to the salon every 3 weeks for a touch up. Hook ups call 01141010011 After almost 10 years here in India I’m sure you expect me to say Indian hair is thicker, stronger or this or that and while some of it’s true, it’s basically not. The only real difference is the color. Now there are fast differences to how India treats hair, some a little bazaar, like onion pulp, cow pee, raw egg, rubbing garlic of your head, some neem shampoo etc etc we could list hundreds of “old wives tale potions” that are all just based on myth and act as a placebo more than anything. Indian culture is warm, welcoming and the food is to die for! The hair is darker and culturally there have been restrictions but attitudes are changing. Some of us remember getting our first mobile phones, wasn’t that long ago. Texting was not our main form of communication, In fact believe it or not it was talking ( wtf right ) well it was! A text would be replied straight away, well because it was rude and ignorant not too. Now……. Sorry I didn’t see your messages & calls. Now in most parts of the world, hairdressing is considered an art, a very creative medium used to create shapes, colours all from a canvas called hair. In other parts of the world it’s considered a job 😳 Well it’s only in the last few years in India that a “hairdresser” could open a bank account or even apply for credit so I guess we are moving in the right direction. For us hair is art, it’s a canvas that we work on in 3D to create. We get our inspiration from life and really don’t have to look too far for it either. Mid afternoon walk Back in the salon Decided to go get some coffee Then headed back to salon Dreaming of a road trip to the Sandunes a few months ago So I guess you can say life is art and you really don’t need to look to far to get inspired, it’s right in front of you. If you thought on the weekend you might go to the arts and crafts market and do yourself a little DIY head gear for that wedding or party you got going on Jen Atkin & her crew just took it up a 473 notches. With the coolest gals on her client list here are some of her creations for the Met Ball 2018 as well as some of the others that attended! Now goes without saying or maybe it doesn’t based on what we see, your profile picture is equally as important as what you wear to the interview of your dream job! Will your potential employer look for you on social media? Hell yes, your comments, posts, reactions etc it all says who you are. If your on private and trying to land a job that’s PR or first hand in the public eye, good luck with that too. But let’s just say you got it all going on. What is the perfect selfie Well lit, not a dark nightclub shot. By yourself, sure you love your boyfriend or BFF but not here it’s not the place. Clear, well lit, by yourself, no drink in your hand! Hair done ✅ If it looks good chances are a lot more likely to get to second base, be it a job interview or a tinder swipe! 😛 Getting the right hair can be a challenge that for some never happens, rather just time fly’s by with hair that’s ok but not amazing. Here are 5 ways that will help you get over the edge before you die! 1. Choosing the right hair salon is possibly the first step and in sone situations is hard to find. We would always suggest cruising through social media, stalking the tagged photos etc to get a real picture of what’s happening. It’s one thing to post nice photos but another to be able to create them. 2. Get your act together, do you know what you want? It’s ok if you don’t but put some thought into it, you don’t like your hair, why? Do you want to wash and leave it? Do you like the current color? Is blow drying it daily ok? Does your color always fade? Are you happy with the condition? Do you need to wear it up? There is so many questions which a good hairstylist should be asking to make sure they get to the root of your hair happiness. Be ready. 3. Invest the right amount of time and don’t rush the appointment, we have seen first hand people saying they have never been happy, yet they happily rock up late then happily inform the hairstylist they need to hurry. Think about it, kinda crazy. Make sure you have time or move the appointment to when you do. 4. Be honest with yourself and your hairstylist if you have a budget share it, it’s normal to have limits. If you have styling expectations, share them. 5. Do not try to over manage your session you have talked it out, they have started, then don’t try and tell them what to do, unless of course you think you know better ( in which case why are you there?) if you don’t trust them you shouldn’t be there. Hope this helps you get your happy hair moment. It’s a world where everyone thinks bigger, brighter and faster at times will little regard or care for quality or individuality. Our yolks are the best, we have the most fancy yellow, it’s the brightest etc etc and the list goes on, you know exactly what we mean. So we decided to remove the yolks and be the complete opposite, after all why compete when our individuality is our gold! There are times when you got it all right but there is something not quite right, for the untrained eye ( not really needed in the below case 😂) it may be hard to spot what it is. Think like this and you really can’t go wrong, if your hair is bang on you really don’t need to worry about anything else. A lot of salons choose to do a little this and that, jack of all trades ( master of none ) with the goal to try and be your “one stop shop” 😂 and only delivering 20% of everything vs being 100% of one thing. Now whilst we get it, a lot of you have expectations that we should be doing hair, nails, your makeup, picking up your groceries, collecting your children, taking them to the toilet, washing their bums, ordering your lunch and the list goes on. But guess what we don’t, we won’t and we will not hesitate to let your little Johnny poop his pants ( nah only kidding but you get the point ) If you want anything not hair related, your in the wrong house, if you want awesome hair, take a seat Cheryl and let’s get started! Everyday retailers are spending millions of dollars to try to get your money, countless campaigns and images to make you think you need it! You go shopping and come home with bags and bags yet still feel a craving for something. You may find that it’s just you wanting to be ahead of the game or it may be you don’t feel good, it’s said that changing your look increases your self esteem by over 73% ( not sure who got this figure lol ) but it’s true. A new look may be just the answer. Dont waste money filling your wardrobe get a haircut! Now not blowing our own trumpet well I suppose we kind of are but we have to say judging by the cool people we know, it seems to be the trend that this salon is it! We are in Meherchand market and parking is easy! Open Sundays 11-6 You have finally decided that you want a little sparkle, not sure if it involves 27 packets of glitter stickers or a color in your hair? If it’s hair then pick up the phone and call us! Was asked today who is our target market and it got me thinking…. immediate thoughts were not people who would ask “who is your target market” lol that too in a packed salon to ask “Who comes here” 😶 So thought we should spell it out for you, we do hair, we do beautiful sexy AF hair, that is not driven on anything other than giving you a beautiful looking head 🙊 We are not sorry for how we communicate, it’s the way we talk, it’s real. If you think by you telling us who you are is going to make us do a better job or give you more attention I guess you should possibly not choose us, if you want awesome hair then there is really only one option. Give us a call on 011 410 100 1 Let’s be honest, life is about managing expectations from the moment you can remember what you think should happen and what actually happened is usually very different. Just think, a night out recently did it go the way you intended? Does your partner show you the same attention or affection? You go to the gym for a few months and expect to be ready for a marathon? It’s all relevant. Now heading to the salon is not so different, you may be going because you look like a drowned rat, the color may need freshening up or you may be just a little flat and need a pick me up. Whatever the reason it’s important that the hairdresser you go to can understand what it is you need. Will you know? Possibly not and that’s why a well trained hairstylist is part hairstylist and part therapist. I think it’s important to know that it’s normal to have expectations and whilst some are achievable done are so far fetched as those luxury Instagram Travel posts. Visit us and let us burst your bubble but let you leave with hot hair you love! Too many times we get a good thing and we don’t appreciate it, or do when it’s too late, after it’s gone! We push it, want more, expect more and take for granted that thing will always be there. Well guess what it won’t be! Could be you forget who picks up after you until they stop doing it, your loved one who stops kissing you goodbye or your husband who never says thanks. The list is endless! Appreciate people, situations, diversity and opinion you only get one life! If you’re wondering how this relates to hair, we get a lot of people who do every chemical treatment known to mankind done, wait till their hair is past repair then expect somewhat a miracle. Yes we are here and at times the last line of defence but you have to ask yourself, do you really need that service? Is it really worth the damage it may do? Do the pro’s outweigh the con’s and if they do they by all means go ahead. Your hair is made up of dead keratin and once the damage is done and you have crossed the line, there is not a lot that can be done other than cutting off the most damaged hair. Sure you want to keep it long possibly but if it looks like a wet rag, taking some off is the only option. We may just well be the only hair salon in India that will not do something if it isn’t in your hair’s best interest no matter how much money you have or how many ways you ask, if it’s going to ruin your hair then then answer is no! Like seriously do you know anyone who likes getting out of bed on a Sunday? Seriously? We are open Sundays 11-6 to make sure that when Monday comes around you don’t scare the hell out of everyone turning up to work like this! Hump day is meant to be the hardest day of the week and once you get past it, it’s meant to get easier right? If you’re having a crappy week come spend some time with us, no we don’t have pancakes, no we don’t have Netflix but we do have scissors and that could be fun 😜 Sorry the headline is balls we do have awesome coffee not your instant crap. Awesome hair good music and coffee The moment you wake up you’re texting your friends, boss etc you’re on Facebook busy tagging your friends in funny AF memes like no generation has ever before. It’s a fact that majority use two or 3 fingers only to text and can almost doing without looking. In the early 90’s workplaces around the world went into a frenzy with court cases of repetitive strain injury from a sudden influx of typing and now today typing is not only essential for work it is a form of communication for life. From ordering food on line, booking a cab, inviting friends over or biking a flight you will surely be typing. Physiotherapist’s recommended you use a soft round item to squeeze to elevate the muscle tension or build up or lactic acid. Now you have a purpose to squeeze those bundles of fun It’s not a new theory in fact it’s the same as your wardrobe, dress for success they said but no one made a fuss about your hair. In fact most people neglect to put the same effort into their hair as they do their clothes. When you are making such an effort to send all the right signals with beautifully fitted clothes, the right colors, the perfect shoes, most up to date look yet by the time you get to your hair it’s almost like you ran out of time & money or at the very least stop bothering to see it through. When your dressing head to toe remember the stuff on your head! It’s the one thing that you wear daily and can’t quickly change in the washroom of the club. Get hair that suits you, says what you want it to say and that works for you. Uncluttered and not overdone has more impact than trying to do a little this and that, at least we believe that. Many people end up with a miss match of this and that and before you know it, your hair is a dogs breakfast. Remember the one easy fact, the more you do, the more it looks like you have done aka the more it can look forced. We believe in keeping it simple. It’s not uncommon for us to be asked which food we should eat to make your hair grow faster, look healthier, shine etc etc and some so called experts will give you the most random new ” power fruit ” to make you rush off and buy it by the kilo. The reality behind healthy hair is a balanced diet with the right amount of each food group. Sounds too easy though so it mustn’t be totally accurate there must be something else. Nope it’s really that simple, if your skipping one of the food groups because your a vegetarian then dose up of the loss with other fruits or vegetables 🥒 or nuts from the other groups! Healthy hair can not be bought it happens when you are conscious about it, visit the salon frequently and don’t do things that endanger your hair health! Information is easy to get but getting the right advice is not always the easiest especially now more than ever with brands so eager to dominate. We are a multi branded salon that value’s facts and don’t rely on being incentivised rather finding the right solution for that particular head of hair. Now advice is free and always will be so don’t be scared to ask, consultations are something easy that you can do obligation free and no cost. A great way to see if you’re in safe hands with your hair right? We won’t be naked or at the beach but will have coffee for you Call us on 011-41010011 With information so accessible it’s still a global mystery who some people still think some of these things work. We’re going to focus on washing your hair, rather than bombard you with all the right information in one go ok! Absolutely false, nonsense and completely opposite in fact if you don’t wash your hair/scalp enough it can cause hair loss. 100% safe to shampoo daily. I use an anti dandruff shampoo and if I try to stop using it my scalp becomes so dry why? Easy, most so called dandruff shampoo is so full of harsh detergents that your scalp is over cleansed, removed from everything so the moment you stop and change shampoo your body which has been working faster to produce oil to combat the drying effects from the shampoo not almost overnight the dryness returns. Kind of like a natural marketing trick to keep you hooked. Stop using it and for 2 weeks wash it daily and it will get better and your body will Adjust. Natural oils good or bad? Ok so this one we have heard it all, your body produces oil, sebum oil ( it’s not coconut or almond oil not olive oil ) now this is for no other reason than to create the right ph on your scalp,the perfect combination of oil ( sebaceous oil ) and water (perspiration). Is it good to have overly oily hair? NO Should you not wash it to get the oils to protect the hair? NO. The scalp needs daily shampooing especially in areas the temperature doesn’t go below 25-30 almost all year. Oil attracts dust and dirt and it gets stuck to it, then the heat it becomes bacteria and now you have a itchy scalp. Most people who get an itchy scalp could be cured if they washed daily with the right shampoo but yet happy to keep scratching because either their mum or a blogger decided to promote their mothers ideas vs actual facts. If you want a healthy scalp you need to know what is myth and what is real! We have spoken about it until we ran out of breathe, yet a lot of you have a “in one ear out the other” way of listening so we thought sooner or later it may stick but we should keep trying. Maybe we should just simply say your hair that big makes you look fat or your hair looks aweful but we decided not too name names. Your face shape determines if full hair or “bounce” should be worn. Just because you life south of the city centre doesn’t mean you should be constantly kissing the air, have hair bigger than your farmhouse or be wearing it like a wig you bought at the export market. For goodness sake people if you want saving fromlooking back at your perfectly hastaged photos and not wanting to barf up last nights dinner call us now I’m serious! Help line open today 11-6 Sometimes seeing a hair promotion or a sale at your favourite clothing store you end up buying something you simply don’t need, you’re human after all and 50% off just sounds so good. It’s been a hard week and somehow made you feel better right? Hair is not a skirt you won’t wear and can hang it up safely and no think about again until you clean out your wardrobe, you will wake up one morning and realise you should not have done what you have done and most likely didn’t need to do it either! What can you do after it’s ruined? Well not a lot but depending on how bad it is, there are treatments which help for sure but the only real way to remove split ends is by cutting them off and that is a fact! Trust the one that says no, you can not push or sell services in a hair salon as much as you can push and sell drugs in a hospital. If you need it then it’s there, if you don’t you don’t. Sometimes it may be what you think you want but in fact be the worst thing you could do. Trust professional salons only We all have selected memories and when we are 3-4 whatever our hair looks like we will hold onto that forever and tell people that’s what our hair is, be it black, curly, blonde or thick you will always have this hair as your baseline. Sorry but this is not an indication of your hair, up too 14-18yrs old your hair is still changing however after that would possibly be more realistic than early. Some ( a large portion ) of children are born with thin hair, which will thicken up over the first 12-18 months it may start out curly and shortly after its cut go straight this is normal. So sitting in the chair when your 40 saying I don’t know what happened I used to have curly hair ( when you were 3 ) is not a realistic comment. Texture, density & color changes over time this is normal and is from many factors and 99.9% are out of your control. We are as much to blame for getting down to talking about work we thought it good to talk about goals and life. From all the people we have met, all the famous people, successful people, beautiful humans it’s clear that the people who stand out have one thing in common! Bring the most commonly used colors, black or even dark brown is possibly the hardest to get out of your hair. If you have white hair the variation between the two colors makes the contrast even more difficult to hide or disguise. To go cold turkey and simply not color it and let it grow out will not only leave you looking like your 10-15 years older than you are so that’s simply not an option unless you plan on moving to a remote location for the next 6-12 months. Firstly you need to understand that a blanket ( total ) coverage needs to be Brocken up and you need to start getting the new white hair less covered, a little translucent so the contrast is not as much therefore freeing you up with time, saving you money and most of all not having to color your hair every 10-12 days! For the next 3-4 colors they will be done 1/2 shade lighter and mixed slightly different so you don’t get a blanket coverage, it will mask but not cover like 85-90%. After your 4th touch up we add highlights to the ends to break it up to try and remove the solidness of it. Then take the base color 2 shades lighter, this is when people will see the results. We keep doing this until the lighter growth is more than the darkness then remove some length and boom your lighter, more natural and have more freedom and not stuck into getting touch ups every 10 days unless it’s at the club on a Friday night 😝 Now not blowing our own trumpet well I suppose we kind of are but we have to say judging by the cool people we know, it seems to be the trend that this salon is it! We are in Meherchand market and parking is easy! Open Sundays 11-6 It came & went in a few short puffs The basics have never been more important so here goes one more time! Anything else? Always pack protection 😝 You know I’m right but when it comes to things like New Year’s Eve typically we all have the best expectations for the following year and promise ourselves to do XYZ yet several weeks or months later it’s the same old shit and nothing has changed. You’re sleeping past the alarm, skipping gym, work home balance has gone for a toss and you are no closer to that overseas trip than you were 12 months ago. You promised yourself so much yet it’s the same thing, why? Your hair needs Maintainence, every 6-8 weeks regardless of the length it needs trim or refreshing the color. If you plan it ahead of time chances are you will forget too even after a reminder call. Put it into your dairy, ever 6 weeks regardless. You don’t appreciate most things until the day you can’t have them anymore, or they leave. Do t wait and think about it, plan it Well firstly Happy Independence day, we thought about it and pondered what to talk about then we thought no one really does everything themselves we all rely on someone else for something don’t we? You’re sitting in the ( what you call ) parlor getting your hair burnt to a crisp, with your hair smoking from the torture of inexperience yet you feel your in control. Try learning true independence with your hair as far as blow drying it will make your life better and your hair will thank you. Stop being lazy, it’s easy sure but it is ruining your hair If you live in India chances are it does for several reasons, could be the pollution, all the treatments or services you are doing that you don’t need or it could be a build up of pollutants from the water. Because of the population there is possibly always going to be s pollution issue, unless we all change our garbage Habbits it will take several lifetimes ( do your bit to recycle and compost and not litter before you complain about it ) But we are here to talk about hair so let’s, we see a lot of people doing this or that service simply because it’s on offer or told to them they need it when they actually know they don’t. Not sure why but they just go for it thinking, what harm could it do! Too much of anything is not good! If you’re getting color for example, putting it through the ends every few weeks is a sure way to end up long term with hair that’s frizzy, dehydrated and split. Then once it is in bad shape you do a keratin treatment in the hope that will make it shinny and smooth. Now separately they both are true but when you do them both, one to fix what the other has done ( due to improper application ) then you are asking for problems and there will only be one solution…… ✂ So how can you make sure your hair stays healthy and not need constant SOS every 6 months? If you feel the water quality is causing your hair damage or just want to be sure, rinse your hair in filtered water prior to getting out of the shower. Well that certainly would not taste good so no matter how pretty it may look in this photo, it’s wrong on so many levels!! Now the reason why I bring up sushi 🍣 cat 🐱 is simply to say no matter what pretty little picture you have saved from trolling on line, no matter how many of your Gucci handbag lovers say ” Oh my god you totally should” do this or that with your hair, if we say you should not then the answer as much as you don’t want to hear it…. you must listen! You invest time and money on your hair so you must maintain it between salon visits to make sure it doesn’t wash out! What are the causes of color fade and how can you prevent having a faded washed out color! There are two basic principles why your color will fade, Now they both have various factors to consider so here goes. Could be you have tried to do something to your hair that it simply can’t take or should never have been done and now it’s damaged beyond repair. Once the cuticle is stripped from the hair there is no way to fix it other than scissors, certainly most color won’t hold and wash out super fast. It could be you have rebonded over and over again and then coloured which was the last chemical your hair could take, could be your doing global color over and over again which is drying the hair out! Global color is not needed every time in fact not even recommended, should be ONLY done when you are changing the color. What you do with it once you leave the salon will either keep the color the way it is meant to be or wash it out quicker than it took to get it done. Shampoo can completely wash out your color if it is not for your hair, you need a sulfate free shampoo and you must be using conditioner every time as this closes the cuticle hence protecting the color molecule from being exposed to the environment and fading. If your hair is suitable a leave in serum and/or a leave in conditioner may also be needed. Something about reaching 200k followers on Facebook so I needed to share. After being hairdressing over 25 years, in 4 counties approx 50,000 heads of hair done directly by me, international celebrities, political leaders, Royal families, movie actors, television hosts, CEO’s of global companies, mums, dads and the occasional John Smith, 1350 posts on this site & another 300 on several others, countless “collaborations”, featured in magazines & television, hair for heads of state, prime ministers, Hollywood & Bollywood celebrities, billionaires and CEO’s of global companies, several private charter trips for work, over 310 commercial flights for work, a couple of private chartered flights for special clients, product endorsements, product training, seminars teaching in many countries, countless hours on the backend doing whatever is needed, saying no to a crazy amount of things, saying yes to some whacky things that paid off, risking everything and coming to another country with nothing but a suitcase and a few hundred dollars. Meeting my soul mate and calling it home! 200k+ and verified not bad for someone who never wanted to be active on Facebook! Another 100k on Instagram and verified 😜 Thanks Merrylin who 4 years ago told me I should 😍 So yeah I guess you could say it has come easy, since I’m editing this on a Saturday night instead of heading out. Before you say someone else is lucky or has had it easy ask yourself and be honest if you do WHATEVER it takes and if the answer is yes then you need to start and stop pissing your life up against the wall! Thanks everyone who bothers to read this nonsense. If you have just given up on trying because it’s just to plain hard, then it’s time to invest some time on finding the right hair salon for you and your hair. It’s like saying nothing fits you’re over it I’m not wearing clothes, you won’t I hope so you have to sort it out. Obviously you need to find a salon that is capable of doing what it is you are after, not just promises but actually can do it. Let’s be honest tho almost all may just say yes yes but at the end of it you’re left looking more like a oh no than a yes yes. Drop into any salon and have a talk about your hair, this does not cost money it’s free and you can get a good sense of the people while you are there. Ask as many questions as possible and don’t book anything just take a card. Go home think then decide. Just because you have had a few bad experiences the right salon is out there don’t give up! Not everyone wants to be in a band, have a sleeve full of tattoos or drive a Harley Davidson ( well the last one isn’t true, who doesn’t want to drive a Harley!) Getting bad boy hair is not as hard as you think if you just don’t over think it! Texture is important and blunt cuts won’t work, having texture in your hair is 80% done in the cut and the rest is done in choice of product. Typically a matte paste is the perfect product on dry hair, never blow dry only use your fingers when drying followed by tee spoon in your hand rubbed together then place firmly over the entire head then shake and run! I doubt many people actually have paytv any more or if they do they hardly watch it, it’s outdated and boring. The shift in the consumer pattern was so fast in reality that it has changed the way we do almost everything now. Doesn’t matter what your talking about the spin off from the shift impacts everyone. Whilst you don’t have a paytv subscription and only watch Netflix and have Apple TV 📺 you most likely don’t have to put up with those stupid Tv commercials anymore right? So how do those companies sell there products to you now?! How do we stay informed with News & Current affairs? Most people filter out who they want to stay connected with on social media and are able to still main an up to the minute connect with the ones they are interested in. The quality of content that your exposed too just took a sharp right and is not going back it’s only going to get better! NETFLIX & CHILL? We say yes please! You would have almost done it, gone for something new something fresh but you just don’t know what it would look like right? We believe that it’s not about selling a style, it’s not about pushing our opinion, it’s about discussing options and eliminating options and finding out what it is that not only suits you but you can manage yourself. It’s one thing to want to look like xyz but your hair will never do it when you get home and you’re alone trying to get ready to go out. We believe that a haircut has to feel right for you as well as suit you do it takes a lot of discussion to find out and it’s not just about cutting the hair, even after it is cut we need to make sure you know how to manage it daily. So if you’re not getting this then it’s about time you visited us! We are all guilty of being ” connected ” there was a moment in time when you could switch off from work and life but now there is not even a moment when you can disconnect. Good or bad like it or hate it, it’s the way business & life is. Doesn’t matter if it’s what’s app, Instagram, Facebook or your simply searching for information we use mobile devices more than any other device. When it takes as long to get breakfast as it does to grow your hair to the floor! Imagine if you did everything you thought about in the same day, like literally idea’s to problems, investments made, had those discussions and the list goes on and on. Life would literally be changing in front of you wouldn’t it? The problem we all would be thinking right about now is that we don’t have time between work, travelling to and from work then plus family we are already in the negative with time everyday. The reality is that you don’t make time, right you have heard that before I guess, well let’s just put things into perspective, this article was written at 2 traffic lights waiting for them to turn green! It’s your choice if you want to get the most out of your life or if you want to make it all about excuses and not live to your full potential. Thanks Jason for the translation You have all heard the term, you probably have a perception of what face shape you have but is it accurate is it? Sometimes it’s better to seek professional opinion to make sure your getting it right, we all think we are doctors diagnosing our medical issues on webmd.com yet we really have no clue. If we took what we read as gospel we would all be next this time next week. Search for the best, make an appointment and get yourself a consultation, it’s free after all. With technology being what it is there is always advances in medicine, beauty etc however some things just haven’t reached the point where it looks 100% natural. Saying that I must say I have seen a few people who have travelled to the far ends of the planet and the workmanship in there transplants is amazing! Sure your hairstylist may be able to tell but no one else can. If you are thinking about doing it, research it until you are convinced you have found the right person to do it, it is permanent! If your in the middle and haven’t made up your mind then maybe it’s not for you and shave it off after all most guys can get away with that! Funny that some people judge others, not really in fact I guess it’s normal. No one knows the reality, no one knows your journey except you, know that but also understand that’s the same with everyone else so we all should not be too fast to draw a conclusion! You and I get one life, it’s 24 hours in everyday, 7 days in a week and we all have creative minds when it comes to finding excuses but maybe not so much creativity when it comes to finding a way to fit extra things into your life. I’m personally shocked after a recent trip that the mass, literally expect life to be handed to them, be it the government or society because they deserve it, after all they are victims. What a load of rubbish. I know for us, we work 7 days a week and at times till 1-2am starting again the following day at 8. We love it! I guess people are just different and that’s the beauty of the world, some people are successful no matter what and others survive by the skin of there neck. To be the best at anything or even the best version of yourself you must fill yourself up constantly, that comes from filling up the 24 hours in every day with things that help you grow. Don’t try to push people down, no matter who it is, in fact lift up as many as you can along the way. The more people you help grow, the more friends you have at the top. Don’t let one little set back pull you down, I don’t and never will. You can throw anything at me but I will always win, always! That should be your mind chatter! You want to me a lumberjack bloke with a difference so you decide face art is your thing then this happens……… It’s not cool either grow it or shave it! It looks more like you have a milkshake mo than anything else. Word to the wise expressing your batman vibes on your face is not going to win you any points with anyone especially the ladies! We all love a deal, a discount or something free, it’s normal. But the reality is when it comes to certain things getting one free or getting extra is not so cool or desirable. We are the leaders in hair in India, we know what you need and don’t need so that’s why we don’t waste your time creating a “deal” you don’t need. You want beautiful hair, hair that people comment on, hair that looks constantly on fleek. Hair that is healthy, hair that works, easy to manage hair and have that you love. Then there is only one deal we will make with you, only one thing you need to do. Phone 📱 01141010011 First impressions count, some people will sum you up in a few short seconds of meeting, others have the brain IQ to judge you from your “online” life so what is your hair doing for you? To find out how your hair should be speaking come see us. How to grow your hair faster, thicker, stronger is possibly one of the most googled questions. Go it? Have a hair question ask us here So your the type of person who crashes at your friends place, always leaves your wallet at home & always look for the cheaper way to get things done. Now whilst we all hate you, because your constant cry poor nonsense and your constant buying of clothes, shoes and electronics ( yes we all noticed! ) you try mixing home remedies for your hair because you think it’s cheaper! Well the biggest problem with trying to duplicate experience when it comes to hair color or hair care is that hair depth, density, strength and porosity varies dramatically from person to person and then vary from month to month. With that being said a “home remedy” or a DIY today may work, tomorrow may be a total disaster. A harmless Color that your told is “natural” makes even the most mild bleech react and turn your hair to straw! I guess it’s only when things go terribly wrong, you realise that there may be more to this than your grandmothers remedies. Before trying to do things yourself, always get professional advice from a professional salon. An important fact to remember, the home remedies done 100 years ago were done on hair that was exposed to far less than it is today. Pollution, chemicals in water, chemicals in food and the list goes on. It’s a complete different world today that we are exposed too than it was 20,30,50 years ago. Every 6 weeks you visit the salon in search of something fresh, something new almost like a miracle. Well we are but there are some things we can’t change based on facts. Every hairdresser on the planet has heard the line I want to keep the length, no layers, no bangs, no color but want something completely different. Now we are not saying your crazy but if you re read the above it should make you re think your sanity. The best way for change if you’re feeling like you don’t want to give anything up, is small changes each visit. Let some length go this visit, change the color slightly the next. Make it a evolution over a few visits to not only keep the excitement going but also keep yourself feeling safe. No matter where you look you see color and it changes your perception of life when you see certain colors your mind reacts and feelings are born. Blue skies create happy feelings, grey skies and you feel like curling up in bed all day. Doesn’t matter if your color goals are to be as loud as a My little pony doll or as subtle as playing a Led Zeplin song backwards it’s all possible. The only way you will get a color that not only matches your cut and face is if you have an in depth discussion with a professional and assess the options. Now I’m sure some blokes love a girl that’s so long that if you forget the rope to tie up the stuff in the Ute you could use a few metres from her hair. But do girls really like hair that could easily double as a bum warmer? Now if you are a girl reading this, you would completely relate to removing the hair from you know where, hardly a nice task nor one we talk about. Go to the gym, do squats expose your butt and cut your hair! Respect for all the times you had to dig deep and fish out the 100 odd hairs you loose every single day!✌🏻 Scientists have discovered the cure for loosing our hair and a way to grow a full head of hair. It was last Friday a group of scientists in a small town approximately 15km outside Baldocia in northern Romania found the Gene that has been on the run since the dawn of time. Exhausted the Gene said to the scientists “it was fun running at first, but to be honest once we saw everyone just shaving there head well it just didn’t seem like people were willing to play anymore” Left a little disgruntled and angry over everyone’s loss in attitude it feels like playing hide and seek with your Auntie who is meant to be looking after you while your mum and dad go out but she is too busy swiping on tinder, said one of the Genes. A murmer and chuckle from the back of the group saying it was encouraging that some people were rubbing fruit, oil and even pulped onions on there head, it was as if they thought this shit would work 😂 Cornered and tired after centuries avoiding discovery the group of small genes with there over blown ego sat panting looking somewhat pale and exhausted. Once we have more information we will share. Recently we heard of a woman who went to get a skin treatment from a dermatologist ( someone who studied skin ) and came out with the most obnoxiously wrong advice for her hair that involved home remedies and things that would send her hair for a complete toss! Sure the advice given possibly had the best intentions but wrong on every way. The problem here is it’s like asking a guy who sells fruit how to cook a steak, it’s not his job although he may suprise us all and know. He may even give you some home remedies to fight off a cold or give you a complete juice detox to cure diebeties or even cancer but let’s be honest it’s unlikely. If your serious about your hair, go to a professional salon, not someone who really isn’t qualified on hair. If you want skin advice we won’t give it to you, you want your makeup done we don’t do it. We do hair, we are trained in hair, not how to cook steak, home remedies on stain removal or how to stop your husband from snoring. We all like to hear the sound of our voice and maybe you just wanted to ask everyone you met, get as much opinion as possible then decide. Well because it’s what we do we know our business better than others so if you have random questions don’t hesitate to drop us a line on email or social media. Wear this, wear that Do this, do that Don’t talk to this guy, don’t be friends with that guy. It’s ok to have an opinion of things it’s another to tell people what to do, after all it’s your life. Strangely it happens every single day, kids are told what jobs they should have, what to study, what friends to have and yes in 2017 who to marry and where to live. Now without getting into a debate on all of it we think your hair is our battle so it’s important we fight the good fight. The way we look when we see our ref election changes the way we feel about ourselves, I’m sure your friends and loved ones want you to have a healthy self esteem right? Have a little fun with your hair, could be mild or it could be dramatic but think of it as an extension of who you are, it’s showing the world your personality on your head. Was asked today who is our target market and it got me thinking…. immediate thoughts were not people who would ask “who is your target market” lol that too in a packed salon to ask “Who comes here” 😶 So thought we should spell it out for you, we do hair, we do beautiful sexy AF hair, that is not driven on anything other than giving you a beautiful looking head 🙊 We are not sorry for how we communicate, it’s the way we talk, it’s real. As the saying goes ” If you want something done properly, you have to do it yourself”. Or in some cases if you want it at all you have to do it yourself lol 😂 We bring up Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters because some people still to this day think that if they watch one or two YouTube video’s or spend 10 min in a salon that they are experts. Now whilst sometimes you may have to wait in a salon un attended for a minute or two, end up watching the hairstylist at work ( this is not the same as training for years) Now there are some take away tips for doing your hair at home, if the foundation cut is correct you will have to do very little, we will teach you don’t worry. When it comes to what products or equipment you need to get you over the line ( yes we are still talking about your hair lol ) it’s part of what we do. If you can’t recreate what we do in a realistic amount of time then there is a problem. Come see us and let us get you to that ” happy place” 😝😂🤘🏻 You know how to dance, you shop at all the cool places, you even drive a cool car. You mother always says wear a belt and tuck in your shirt so now you have a fancy label belt and tuck your shirt in extra tight 🙈 Please dear lord, help these odd looking souls! Our help line is open 7 days a week or if your friends are your friends please just tag a friend. In the heat of the moment all kinds of nonsense can happen and your judgement is typically on another planet 🌎 Too often we meet people who want a service or result that their hair simply won’t be able to manage. We as professionals always think sustainable relationship before we think about getting a “sale” after all if you don’t live your hair then you won’t come back! Sad to say that some people try to push big ticket services just to raise turnover, we believe that’s not the way to create beautiful hair in fact it’s the opposite. When you end up doing be it a color or a chemical service that your hair really can not withstand because it’s cheap or you think you need it, by the time you call us it can be too late to fix it completely and on top of that ends up costing you more and you have downtime looking like a drowned rat vs having “Victoria Secret” hair. Come visit us and let us say no to your crazy requests 🙊 before it’s too late! Recent results of a study revealed that having fruit daily along with a balanced diet will ensure your body functions the way it was designed and hair growth is within its normal range! Vitamin and supplements do they help? If your not eating healthy they can buy obviously eating healthy is going to be far better than eating crap and taking supplements Does sleep really effect hair? Yep your body needs 8-10 hours shut eye! A balanced diet covering all 5 food groups daily with 8-10 hours sleep. Hair growth is slightly faster in summer than winter so follow the sunshine around the world and avoid winter is a sure way to get your hair longer faster! We all want a bargain, we want to walk away thinking we got something cheaper than it’s worth, regardless if we do t need it, regardless of quality. Sadly there are some who literally don’t care if they need it or not but just want it because it’s cheap or free! Well we don’t do discounts, we don’t do deals, packages, red light specials, promo and we also don’t try and sell you our entire menu just so we can create an even increase in our company sales meeting PDF. We specialise in both color correction as well as cutting correction and we see a lot ( like a LOT) of people who come with hair that has been given treatments/services they simply didn’t need. When we take the time to talk to them the majority already know they didn’t need it and in fact it would have been cheaper if they came to us in the first place as we don’t mind saying ” you don’t need that done”. Instilled in our Culture is if someone is better off with something than without it, then tell them. If they don’t need it, tell them. If it’s bad for the hair, tell them. Honesty build trust, builds loyalty and above all build a long term trust and friendship with beautiful hair and that’s our only purpose! So before you order everything just because it’s cheap or a “deal” the best thing you could do would be find out if you even need it first. It’s not cheap if it A. Ruins your hair B. You don’t need it. Visit us on Instagram and see why India knows us as the Hairdressing leaders! In a world that currently has so much anger, hatred, racism I feel it’s important to stay real, to bring a laugh as well as beautiful hair that makes you feel like the best version of you possible . The choice for me is to be real and make you question you day, your actions and your influence on others. If your offended, maybe just maybe you need to lighten up, isn’t life about making others laugh, love, rejoice in life itself? After all it’s a gift! If by making you stop through your daily trolling of dogs balancing in a yoga pose or 2 kids falling from a roof into pool with on landing face down in poo brings you a smile then my goal is just that. This is salon talk, this is real and it’s life! 2017 you can’t afford to live like it’s 1917 it’s not and we all need to lift each other up and make our time that we have been given with the people we meet or touch the best possible version of why we are born. Romans 14:19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. It can be a shock when the sun comes up and the headbands are out, the last season top knot is out and beside you is something from planet of the apes 🦍 Best to plan ahead, have a plan A and a plan B ( we are referring to your hair!) Carry some serum if it’s long so you don’t look like a sea creature the next day. Always replace hair tie if your hair is long, nothing more disgusting than a hair tie that is covered with hair, if it has lost its elastic it also is not doing its job. Next time you get your hair cut ( should be every 5-6 weeks ) get some options on how to wear it different ways. Otherwise you become boring to look at. Imagine visiting a salon and trying to explain the color and end up using food as a reference, then once you say “Nutella brown” the hairstylist brings out a jar of this! Well one salon in Dubai ( possibly in the need for internet fame who knows ) is actually claiming it works. Now before you go out and grab yourself some delicious chocolate 🍫 spread understand even if by any miracle it did stain the hair it would wash off faster than Donald Trumps hair would fly away with a slight breeze. Also good to note it’s a waste of perfectly awesome Nutella! When your local salon decides to blow dry like your 10 feet away from a jet engine! Tips for the perfect blow You only say goodbye to something when it’s not working and no matter how much fun, love or good times if you can’t fix it then it’s time to say ” see ya wouldn’t want to be ya” Could be your hairdresser who still tells you to make your hair poker straight or it could be those straightening irons you got in 2005 that were state of the art with the best technology then but it’s years later and the technology is so much better. Every now and then it’s a good idea to pull them out, dust them off and check the condition of them & clean them. Too much of anything can be bad so don’t use them more than twice a week and always use a heat protector when using. The irons and electrical equipment we use and recommend is Alan Truman Maybe it’s time to say goodbye Saloon, Salon or Parlour is it the same thing? Well this is not really a secret but some people tend not to understand just like some people think all Indian food is the same, there is a huge difference. Let’s look at them. This is typically your local place that does everything from waxing you on the chair while your hair is getting blow dried to send someone down the road to pick up your shopping once you arrive 20 min late and is a very casual setting typically a small space. Typically don’t do male clients. Now whilst in most parts of the world this is a place you grab a drink especially if your in the Wild West lol. However in India this is again a place that will do everything and anything from bleech your brows, straighten your hair and wax your legs all at the same time, why… well it’s all about maximizing turnover I guess. Typical prices, more typical results sprinkled with a little this and that. Don’t specialize in anything just do a little of everything. Do make and female clients kids and will also pick up your lunch, shopping and walk you to the car to hand you the change because your nails are still wet. Don’t worry they too are all about max turnover and they will say good bye each visit shamelessly waiting for there tip. But you can relax in this type of space because they have a tv playing all the annoying shows you hate while the radio or old songs your grandmother listened too whilst your getting your not Instagram worthy hair done. One “o” missing but is nothing like the above. Will do hair, possible mani pedi but it’s all about hair, no tv only good tunes and professional staff ( typically )they regularly get training, they want training, they understand hair better than most and they love what they do and don’t wait on check out for a tip, they don’t want it. It’s about the work. They do things different, they talk normally and are focused and driven to deliver the best hair you have ever had. No flying nails being clipped off someone’s feet beside you, no waxing being done on some aunties legs beside you and no uncle getting his mani pedi done while he is drinking chai, talking on the phone screaming at his help and eating his lunch all at the same time. Ask them to collect your shopping if they are free they may do it but it’s not there job! Now I already hear you saying that some salons function like saloons, some salons do the same things as saloons, well they are in fact saloons then. If your shopping for a place to get your hair done, be it under the local tree, a small room above the pizza shop or the professional space locally understand just like a fruit shop doesn’t sell meat, a tailor doesn’t do car repairs and a furniture seller doesn’t do medical procedures there is a huge difference between the 3. By the way all have a space in the market we just choose to be a salon and not a parlour or a saloon! You wake up and see it, you freak out, sure you might have had a wild night and there was a bit of hair pulling but this amount?! You loose 75-120 hairs per day and your pillow case is white, chances are you know the feeling first thing in the morning. No need to freak out chances are your not sleeping on a satin pillow case! The hair is already fallen but lodged in amoungst your hair so I bet you it’s not even close to 50 hairs ( if your that obsessed count them ). Regular washing & conditioner is perfectly safe and in fact we suggest it. So before you start stressing because you have woken up with a pillow full of hair, be glad you didn’t wake up with a stranger! You say you want it rough but you really want it more like a slow dance. The buzz word on everyone’s vocabulary lately is “texture” from designers, hairstylists to photographers but the word itself lends itself to leaving the hair like you just had a three hour romp in the gutter compared to what in fact texture should look like. This is texture, more like haven’t done anything to it texture and sadly when some hairstylist think texture this is what they do. Texture is basically hair that is not solid, so if your creating a mood board or think your the next big thing in hair understand the various textures and describe them as you imagine. Perfect products to create a variety of texture Label m sea salt spray Matt paste by label m But remember not to over do it with product or teasing or it will look like a dogs breakfast. You are either out of internet coverage or live under a rock if you haven’t seen what’s going on in American this week that is and will effect the world. Everyone has an opinion and we certainly have ours but what’s most disturbing is the shift in what is considered ok in terms of human treatment. Just because of your faith doesn’t make you a terrorist, being born in a certain country doesn’t make you violent, born into a certain cast or specific area be a certain type of person. Light skin, dark skin that, fat be this, skinny be that, tall this, short that it’s just plain black and white descrinination! Justify it in your head, I’m sure you can but at the end of the day it’s wrong! The features on your face, the clothes you wear or the point in which you reach vertically to the length of your hair, your beauty is unique, it’s individual and your you. Yet we have people screaming descrimination for Trump when daily we see the same thing happen. The difference is I guess the old train of thought where these “old school” ( should retire and step aside) people were and I say we’re literally, years ago relevant as too would be the rasist attitude of Trump and his supporters. It’s 2017, what feels like the verge of either civil war or global tensions being at the highest point for decades. We have to reset all our mindset on everything, what religious faith you have, skin color, where you were born, your skin color, height, weight and everything in between and start treating people as individuals not trying to put them in a box when you have no idea who they are. Everyone has there one prize possession, for some it’s there indepedance or there free spirit for others it’s there vintage Birkin. Some people take there BFF to the salon and they wait whilst getting there hair done others reserve a few extra chairs ( one for there bag, one for there maid, one for security and one extra for there sunglasses) Some will read this I’m sure and think WTF do people actually do this, some will read this and say of course either way we proudly don’t do ” plus one for my bag” Tips for how to walk around town and care for your over loved bag. Yes it’s true variety is the spice of life so when it comes to changing things up daily there is no easier way than your hair! Every cut can be worn multiple ways and with the right cut and the right advice and a little training from your stylist you should be able to master at least 3 options in styling your hair. We at Rod Anker Salons believe that a good cut should come with a few instructions to give a few variations to wear it along with maintaining the look on a daily basis. Always watch and ask as many questions as possible, the right products, the right amount at the right time. See you in the salon soon We all say words, that to us have a definite meaning based on our life and our experience. Your feelings or thoughts on those words and others is not correct or incorrect it’s simply different. Let us explain a few examples to make sure we are all on the same page because it’s super important that your hair stylist & you have a complete conversation around the words you use when we talk color. Someone who’s hair that is above the collar will have a certain picture in their mind what is short and if your hair is halfway down your back chances are your version of short will not be the same. Let’s look at some variations of gold or copper Now let’s look at some variations of red’s So you can see when you are describing color there is many factors to consider, be it your filter of the word itself to the experience you & the stylist have had. Using images as a reference is the best way to explain your version making sure to have references of what you don’t like. Defining your idea of the color will help the hairstylist and you be able to achieve your goal. The hidden Rainbow trend got more attention but trying to get less attention! The entire world said enough is enough we should all be equal, black white pink or grey your human and we are all the same! #blacklivesmatter An entire country stop taking their medication long enough to elect this twat! Possibly our generations most followed woman was robbed at gun point in Paris. Returns to New York with a 15 car convoy. Kanye West has a series of break down moments and is hospitalised. The black and white double trouble color that depending on the way you part your hair can be black or blonde. We opened our Flgship salon in Meherchand and is rocking Every salon in India still hiding their password the same place as there talented stylist lol ( no one can find them ) Hundreds of new DIY’s made us busy fixing color after color and even had a few disasters with bangs that made us secretly smile. People started growing their hair whilst waiting in ATM que’s around the country just to get a few bucks to buy essentials whilst the “elite” spent countless hours on google trying to find a way to develop a scam to exchange their loot! Yep America decided as a country to stop taking med’s and have gone completely mental now the rest of the world is issuing travel warnings based on your mental health safety Over a year on after over 8000 people died in Nepal and still rebuilding from the worst earthquake in their history. A medieval town in Italy after its series of earthquakes that shocked the world killing over 300 people. We all decided that the constant crap we are exposed too is just crap, media is changing, our life expectations are changing and we as humanity are less moved by devastation and only react to shock rather than facts. Sadly a lot of the media we see is cleaverly written misleading headlines to get clicks on posts in the hope to be bigger stronger and more “viral” than last week or last year. Let’s pray for us all in 2017 that we get more human and more intelligent in what we see, how we treat each other and what we put as priority in our lives. Nope not going to tell you to come visit us however I will share a fool proof way that you can get the hair you want every visit. Firstly you have to realise that choosing a salon should be based solely on communication! If your shopping for 4g connection you do it based on the quality of reception don’t you? I’m sure a lot of you reading this have had an experience or two that was based on what you thought was easy, you visited the salon, had reference photos and for whatever reason things just went wrong. It’s safe to say that communication between you and the hairstylist is the ONLY way your going to discover beautiful hair each and every visit. It’s not about the number of salons has, the impressive ad in the newspaper, the fact that some salons try to do everything, it’s about the team that are actually doing your hair. We suggest a detailed sit down conversation between you and the hairstylist you want to do your hair, find out if it’s possible ( be warned if everything is “no problem or yes yes” chances are this is not the salon for you!!) Do your research, google and best thing is to check out feedback on social media, chances are if it’s a half assed salon it won’t be that hard to find out! See you soon 😜 Most people know that the secrets held in a good salon are at times scandalous but hold the answers to the how & why when it comes to getting the hair you have always wanted. Your hairstylist needs to know what’s going on in your head so they can bring it to life on the outside! Sadly a lot of salons still don’t get it and spend more time with decorating price lists and creating “deals” when they should be just talking and asking the right questions after all this is a people’s business. There is sometimes demons in our minds when it comes to going to your appointment, maybe it’s based on previous experience or maybe it’s just from never really loving your hair. Either way let’s help by giving you the heads up on what you can take with you for your next appointment. So basically if you don’t have a relationship with your hairdresser that includes the good bad and ugly then you need to change hairdressers because your missing out! If you want the hair you have always wanted, then start with not thinking your salon is a drive thru Mc Donalds that you can order from! There is a growing trend of having disconnected lengths through the interior to create a shape & style. Gone is the old school undercut and welcome in the evolved versions of the disconnected cuts! “Sometimes it’s done due to hair texture, sometimes it’s to create shape and ease of styling” says our creative director Rod Anker First seen during war times out of ease to be done by anyone not just trained professionals disconnected cuts were done out of need and typically worn slicked back with grease. The undercut has gained a lot of momentum especially in the last 12 months and we feel the need now to help you explore a few more options to help you evolve your hair. This keeps weight and length on the top whilst removing the exterior and going very short leaving an area that is not connected in length. Styling is simply with a little matte paste to create texture! Well you work in a let’s just say not so youthful office that spends more time worrying about your clock in time and thinks “cool” haircuts and fashion like a weird language they don’t know. This keeps the length at the front so on the weekends you can change it up and show off your personality. So get yourself into the salon and get your hair game on point. You’ve blocked the drain in the shower and every time you sit to eat food their seems to be hair in it? Well it’s a common issue and most people still live in the dark about how much is too much and what’s normal when it comes to “hair fall” and a lot of haircare companies simply react to people’s concern and bring out a shampoo for “hair loss” instead of providing information. Here are some facts! A little common sense when it comes to hair fall and consulting a doctor if you feel it’s abnormal ( which if your reading this you most likely feel it’s extreme ) Beware as many companies and clinics are cashing in on your insecurities and will happily apply this and that telling you it is what you need. Arm yourself with a educated hairstylist that can help you sort out fact from fiction! No matter how good your profile picture is on Tinder, if you want a second encounter let’s give you a few pointers on how to get that sexy af hair you have always dreamt of. One thing a lot of our clients tell us who try to get that “just got shagged” hair is that when you end up doing it on yourself it feels messy, chances are you tried too hard. You end up looking in the mirror thinking holly cow I looked like I just got shagged. Well don’t panic here are some pointers to help. A few things to keep in mind are do not use too much product and once you flip upright don’t take it too much, this is not a pretty little afternoon tea with your girlfriends at the old age home. Your getting ready to impress! Best worm with ripped denim, a loose vintage shirt, very little makeup and a ” I really don’t care ” what you think attitude. If you love that shaggy hair you should also check out Shaggy hair If you interest in the American elections has replaced the re runs of Friends and you missed the last Presidential debate then you missed Donald Trump talking about “America having some bad ombre’s” or did he mean Hombre’s ( The Spanish word for Dude ) either way we are not sure so we thought it best to clarify. Mr Trump your right America does have some bad Ombre but it’s not just USA but this is what bad Ombré looks like so we can all be on the look out for Color gone wrong. Here is some Good ombré for you Donald! So we think it’s safe to say anyone who doesn’t know good Ombré from bad Hombres should just gracefully drop out of any race or it could lead to a hairdressing backlash that no one wants to see. Come see us and we will help shed some light on it. If you think the girls only look into your eyes guys and don’t notice your hair then your sadly mistaken. From the era of the 50’s & 60’s out of having a low Maintainence haircut came the fade or taper cut, it’s the haircut you need when you don’t want bum fluff all over your neck. Don’t get a Lego haircut that looks like it’s been done with a knife it’s time to get your taper game on. With over 100 million bikes on the road in India and temperatures that soar upwards of 45 degrees, perspiration can do damage to your scalp. We have all seen guys wearing a scarf under the helmet in the attempt to soak up excess perspiration yet it’s not enough. Perspiration from the head can be more obvious than any other area of the body so it’s important to protect your skull not only from an accident but also from bacteria and infection. When we perspire the moisture contains a compilation of water & electrolytes which further contain sodium, chloride, potassium, urea and calcium amongst others. The importance of removing this from your skin & scalp can be detrimental to keeping your hair. For healthy growth of hair is determined by the quality of the scalp and leaving perspiration to dry of your scalp without washing it off will change the balance of your scalp in such a way that can cause hair loss, fungal infection, alopecia along with an entire list of things that will put you off breakfast lunch and dinner for a week. What can you do to prevent bacteria? 1. Shampoo your hair daily, use a Sulfate free shampoo this will remove any impurities from your scalp and maintain the right PH balance on your scalp for healthy growth. 2. If your scalp is prone to becoming itchy then you should on top of shampooing daily try a peppermint treatment by Label M which has peppermint extract and menthol which acts as a cooling and an anti bacterial. 3. Add texture to your hair, this removes bulk, lightens the amount of hair, cools down your scalp and can make you look on trend. 4. If your wearing a scarf that’s fine just always wash & dry it before you use it again as this can breed nasty bacteria. 5. Do not add oil on your hair or scalp as when you add oil it acts as a conductor of heat and will increase perspiration and trap bacteria on your scalp Don’t listen to myth on shampoo causing hair loss or oiling as sadly they are not only outdated but scientifically incorrect. Well it’s Fashion week in India next week and rather than rolling over in bed morning of day one and trying to do the bed head look we thought we would help you a little. Braids are still in and have been on the runway as well as off, oversized scarves and casual bun with an oversized scarf it’s sure to get you in the mood for the shows. It’s perfectly normal to get carried away with a good thing but we need to know when enough is enough. It may be coming into winter or you have just completely forgotten to stop and look in the mirror as part of your morning routine but your beard may becoming a state of its own! The important fact on beard Maintainence is the shape has to work with your face shape and can very easily add 10-15 kg’s to your look so be careful. Sure if your frowning it for a early 18th century warrior movie, or have just purchased that Harley Davidson then completely ignore this now, you look great! Beard grooming helpline It’s a fairly common problem and we recognise it, with training and daily practice of course your hairdresser can get it bang on, the right equipment and a room full of product right? Well no, we don’t believe hair should be that difficult in fact 2 styling products is our maximum goal because who has that much time to style their hair. How can you get salon hair daily? 1. A good stylist should be going out of their way to show you how to recreate what is done in the salon. 2. What products to use, why, how & when. 3. How to dry it, the brush needed the direction of the air. 4. Options on styling because it’s boring wearing it the same day in and day out. 5. When you need to come back in to make sure it looks good all the time. On top of all of this, there should be a plan in place, an evolution of your look so to speak. Transition from season to season or if you have a little commitment issue with styles then it can be month to month. Regardless of where you live, what you do with your hair you should be able to work within your confort zone and abilities to hair salon hair everyday! Where can you find inspiration when your only seeing the one point of view? How can you grow and develop if your only listening to the one voice? I know I’ve spoken about this before but I personally believe you end up morphing into what you see and/or believing it to be the best simply because you don’t have any other reference to calibrate it by. I’m a little bit of an Instagram addict, not because I care what others are doing but to stay connected to what is happening in the world. There is so much information, inspiration right there in real time it’s bound to keep your battery like mine ( at 5%). If your not on it or on it but only following your friends or posting selfies then you are missing out! I see so many blogs, articles etc on face shape and honestly most same more or less the same thing sure some are better but for the most part apparently we have all read it. The sad reality is most people think it doesn’t apply to them, or their face. So to put things into perspective let me explain it, if you have a face ( even tho most weekends you get off your face, that’s a completely different discussion ) then you need to make sure your hair is not making it harder, fatter, thinner, wider or longer. Sure it’s a hard task to find the best salon or hairdresser when everyone is claiming to be the best but you have to do your research. Too many times I see people with very hard features that make them look harsh, angry or masculine when a few small tweeks could completely change not only the look but how others treat you! Get on line find the best person to speak too or Talk to your hairstylist. So many want to be biggest & fastest etc but when it comes to our ethos we just want to be the best, create an environment that encourages, supports and pushes the next generation to excel. Creating people who want to win, who are empowered to excel is what makes building our brand the most fun and rewarding because this will change lives forever! Very proud of Simran Kaur from our Salon at Pullman hotel for taking out first place in the state championships! Winning some cash and now competing in the National finals, where the winner will be off to the Middle East to compete for the Global title against the rest of the world. It goes without saying how proud of Simran we are and she will be training hard over the coming month in preperation for the Nationals. Go Simmy Go Most of you who have ever searched YouTube a make up tutorial you will be familiar with the term “contouring” with make up, its the use of lighter and darker shades to to define or highlight areas of the face be it jaw line, cheek bones etc. This has now moved into assisting in creating the perfect color specifically for your face shape. Everyone has a different face shape and hair texture so its important when you are choosing what color you are going to do that you get the right advice, not just based on what’s in but also what would suit you best after a consultation from the experts. Its about choosing light and dark tones in certain areas to create depth or shadow on the face and can completely change the way you look! If you are looking for a trend that is unique then look no further because this will not only be on point but bring out the best version of you possible. Lets look at a few various face shapes so it makes it a little easier to understand how this will change the way you color your hair forever! When we look at an Oval face we have to expand it a little so it’s about creating lighter shades on the lower lengths and on the underneath of the sides and deeper or darker shades on the top to give the illusion of a slightly wider face The goal here is to stretch out the look, so adding depth to the ends and lightening around the hairline will do exactly that and give you a more elongated look Again it is about bringing proportion to the shape, accentuating the length and softening the lines using lighter and darker shades around the ears which adds interest and softness. Lightening around the jawline will soften the jawline and the lower section of the face, the top layers should be slightly lighter to take the eyes away from the width. Its never about trying to be someone else, its only ever about trying to be the best version of you possible. If you are coloring your hair and if by chance its a block color then your doing it all wrong, naturally no one has the same color on every strand on their head from roots to ends, its incredibly artificial making hair contouring is the go to technique to either make you look naturally hot or over the top crazy ( the same thing can be done with bright colors be it pastel pink, reds, blues etc ) Make sure your following us on Instagram It’s not a new request to get asked for DIY instructions, just like chefs get asked for the recipe it’s never going to be the same. Well for me anyway doesn’t help even with YouTube, maybe get you closer to getting the end result but there is always hidden issues. After training for 4 years to become a qualified hairstylist you can never put that amount of info on the back of a box no matter how small the font. Its no surprise that we all are dying in the heat and perspiration is a fact of life, even a short walk to the car can make you wetter than a night out at the strip club! To make sure your scalp is not wet all day and becoming a bacteria farm you need to make sure your using the right products and in the right way to keep your scalp healthy, healthy scalp means healthy hair growth! Your hair once it is visible is dead keratin, the growth is internal, under your scalp and the only really obvious way you can help your growth is making sure your intake is a healthy balance covering all of your dietary needs. Sure its boring to say a balanced diet and a good amount of sleep and your body will function the way it was designed. We get asked a lot about hair growth, how to grow your hair faster, thicker, healthier etc etc its really the basics you need to get right in order to have the best hair possible. We have put together a checklist to make it a little easier in the hope that next time you come in we can chat about more random things but if you still need help give us a shout! What shampoo should I use? Your shampoo should be decided on what your hair, scalp is doing at that particular time. If its the peak of summer you don’t have colour then its fairly possible you need a good cleansing shampoo, if you do have color then the conditioner should be chosen for the color. Will washing my hair everyday make my hair fall out? This is not at all true, in fact not washing your hair enough will have more adverse effect on your hair growth than washing it too often. Good quality products is the key and that doesn’t mean you choose the product that you saw on the side of a bus, it means a little research. Of course we will tell you our products are the best like every salon because if they didn’t believe in what they are selling then there is a real problem. We use Label M and Alfa Parf, both internationally known and respected products, we use and recommend those because we truly believe they are the best, its not about pushing, its about having the right products and tools to make sure your hair looks the way it was intended long after you leave the salon. Conditioner makes my hair fall out! Conditioner closes the cuticle layer of your hair, sealing in the moisture and making sure it is smooth and tangles free leaving the hair with shine and looking healthy. When you put conditioner in your hair, actually put it in your hair on the ends and work it upwards towards the scalp, using a wide tooth comb starting at the ends comb it through. When your doing this, the hair will become slippery and you will get some loose hairs coming out ( because now its slippery and loose hair that was already out was previously stuck within the other hair ) This is not hair fall this is normal. Having 150-200 approx a day come out is in the space of “normal” sure it can fluctuate and will increase slightly in summer months as we tend to shed a little more hair but overall this is considered normal. Conditioner makes my hair flat Conditioner is for the hair, typically the ends so if your using it properly then chances are you using the wrong one! Every time you shampoo, you must condition your hair, if you open the cuticle you must close it! Serum makes my scalp oily Wow, yes i hear this one often, hello serum is for your hair not your scalp! Serum on your ends not the scalp Hair Care 101 A quick tip to help keep the frizz in check is when you have the conditioner on in the shower, using a wide tooth comb starting at the bottom comb the hair through and get rid of all the tangles. With the conditioner in it acts as a lubricant and reduces tearing of the hair. Don’t brush your hair when its dry unless your a cartoon character called Rapunzel as it damages your hair! Just because a hair care product company saturates the media does NOT mean it is the best! Do your research All else fails you have two choices While we all thought that Summer was here for the past month or two well guess what, its officially summer in 48 hours and there is more heat heading our way! When it comes to our hair and skin we all suffer from dehydration and no matter what we all read about drinking lots of water at times it becomes difficult for whatever excuse we can come up with be it too busy or plain forgot. I am sure that most people think about their hair hydration only once they are in the salon ( unless your one of the rare ones and in that case congratulations ). We thought we would make your life easier by giving you a few helpful hints that is far greater than doing a name sake “hair spa” to make sure your hair is at its peak and not like a dried up prawn. If this doesn’t set things straight then please go and read it again or come visit us! 011 410 10011 Now Open in Meherchand Market Its a rare thing sadly that we come across someone who is so successful and is so down to earth! Great to have Rohit in our Salon on the weekend , as always lots of laughs and a solid chat about life! If you want to get your look summer ready, be a boss and look on point then its time to come into see us at our new Salon in Meherchand market 011 410 100 11 On Saturday I was talking to a room full of brides to be for Wedding Suttra in there master class, after I felt like I should share with everyone what it is that makes healthy hair or wedding ready hair depending on if your planning a wedding or just want to know what you need to do for healthy hair. All in all if your serious about your looks then your hair needs to step it up and you have to put time and energy into it, you cant spend 1 dollar and 10 minutes on your hair and expect it to look like a million bucks it just doesn’t work that way. Investigate, plan and finish your look with the one element that is with you every single day! Prior Preperation and a little investigation will always get better results than trying to fix anything in the last few minutes. We all love the idea of walking out looking like a cover page model, but let’s be honest, reality bites, especially when you’re fighting this heat with your frizzy hair. We can dream about the perfect bombshell blow out, like Gigi Hadid for being on point every time she steps out, but for days you can’t make it, you can try the prefect artfully dishevelled look, you don’t always have to spend hours to look gorgeous, you can fix it in seconds! Even if your hair is moody as hell, fret not, we can some easy styles for you to tame at mane! If you are one of those chicks who are identified with her flyaway’s and frizz then you’re on the right track. Maybe, this season messy hair is making a strong case. Who said anything about being lazy, I am rooting for the cool chicks that look effortlessly stylish. Lol. Products to try: When it’s hot and humid, you need some low maintenance tricks up for sleeves for SOS situations, a hairstyle that works best with your natural texture. Here are some cool looks to try this season for an easy fix, keep your boho spirits alive! By Konika Dastidar Your hair looks great for five minutes, and then it goes back to POOF! All you girls with curly hair must be going,story of my life. If you allowed a naturally curly hair chick to rant about her hair problems, their terror stories would probably go longer than the movie Gladiator. You can’t really blame them, it can be be quite a challenge. Especially, when your hair screams the climate report and people can figure of the level of humidity by the size of hair. Fret not, as frizzy as it can be, people have learnt to embrace their natural curls instead of frying them with hot irons or smoothing them with zillions products. In some cases, the obsession of trying to manage your curls can end up damaging your hair more than doing anything good. There’s nothing fiercer than curly hair. Some of our favourite celebrities like Lorde, Serayah, Perrie Edwards and Lupita proudly flaunt their born-with-it bouncy hair, and we couldn’t have loved it in any other way. However, it can be a LOVE-HATE relationship, as many curly hair girls don’t feel confident in rocking their natural ‘dos. But with the help of the good stylist, the right cut and easy tricks it is very much achievable to slay it with your natural hair. Get a diffuser, air drying can become your new BFF, as it is less damaging than a blow dry and much better than waiting hours and hours for your hair to dry. You will find that when you don’t diffuse your curls your hair looks limp and flat, but when you start this tiny habit you will have much more volume. Repeat after me, DEEP CONDITIONING is the way to go, it can help to control frizz, and reduce breakage and split ends. Your list of hair products should always have; 1. Live in conditioner and cream 2. Hair serums, double check your list every time if you don’t want look like a stranded sheep. Lol Honestly though, there is nothing hotter than a girl who looks confident in her natural curls, time to ditch your flat iron and embrace your natural hair. Products to Try By Konika Dastidar Before you scratch your head thinking what the hell am I talking about, I will save you from all the trauma of the guessing game, we are talking about those dreadful days when your cousin TOM has come to visit (time of the month). Not that this phase is less than a short horror movie, were you’re not only bleeding your guts, but also going through the worst stages of mood swings (Scene 1 – you can’t recall the reasons that makes you mad enough to kill someone to Scene 2 – when you burst out loud crying for the silliest reasons). We all have a fair share of the horrifying experiences, but what we all tend to ignore or maybe have not researched that much, is how much it affects our hair. Cramping pain was not enough; that now you also have to go through the monster zit phase with your hair looking like you just got hit by a bus (Perfect tragedy). Don’t sulk, as we have a little info that might guide you through your and help you maintain healthy hair. Let’s surf through the stages. Just before you start looking for the hot water bottle, you’re levels of progesterone and testosterone increases which leads to an increase in oil production of skin glands. Which pretty much explains why some of us look like we poured a bottle of oil on our scalp and our face, the best way to deal with this sticky situation is to use dry shampoo, and have frequent showers. The plus side, this is the best time to dye your hair according to experts, as having slightly oilier hair actually helps to protect the delicate skin of your scalp from the chemicals as they sit on your hair. During the time when Tom’s visiting, the ideal way to get through it is by stuffing your face with chocolate ice cream, and taking endless hot showers, Lol. On a serious note, when it comes to your hair you’ll notice that your scalp will become particularly sensitive, which means you should avoid any treatment that can cause you further discomfort, e.g. when you are getting hair extensions, or you decide to go green, pink or fiery red (Ideal colour for your mood), or do chemical straightening. After the leek week you’ll thank god for the end of all the drama and excess oil production. Your hair might feel drier than usual as oil production of skin glands will reduce. If your hair is normally dry, you may need to condition it more often to keep them healthy. Even if we all have different types of hair, it’s still the best time of the month to do deep-conditioning. Overall, just pamper yourself and your hair, and we all have Netflix to fix the rest! By Konika Dastidar From birth we have been feed by one notion of beauty; the fair maiden with long locks, a much more feminine perception which has defined how we see ourselves and others for a long time. It was not long ago when tall, dark girls with manly or strong features were considered unattractive (especially in a place like India, the notions of beauty is still primitive), sometimes I don’t understand this medieval concept of beauty that has been passed down to us, it makes it so easy to stigmatise someone as ugly or beautiful. Thank god, we are not a part of that generation were people do not embrace their individuality and try to be the same as everyone. I believe, there is nothing more powerful than a woman who feels confident and comfortable in expressing herself, and breaks free from these stigmas’s. They help us evolve and change our notions of BEAUTY that we have been stuffed with for ages. I still remember my grandma saying ‘I looked like a boy as a kid’, I won’t be surprised if many of us have such stories to share. But then we have the rule breakers like, 18 year old model, Katie Moore, whose amazing transformation from ‘the girl next door’ with long blonde hair to blunt bob, copper orange hair did not only change her look but also her career. (WE LOVE this little Punk) This shows how notions of beauty is changing and evolving constantly. Recently, Stella McCartney newest Pop fragrance campaign’s latest face was none other than Madonna’s teenage daughter, Lourde Leon, who is now sporting her new pastel hair for this amazing campaign, one kid who really loves to push it, from grey to pastels. Maybe, that’s what makes us adore Lourde. Before her, we had our Instagram feed exploding with pictures of the multimedia artist and musical powerhouse Grimes, with her Pink punk look, shooting for this new ad campaign. What we love about these young women is – they are not afraid to be who they are; strong-willed, free spirited and independent. Beauty is a constant evolution and you have to love the skin you’re in. Be a rebel, if you can’t be conventional, than be anti. How you look is how you feel, don’t be scared of expressing yourself. Don’t worry, go pink or green, blue whatever you want to. Chop it off or shave it. Yeah, it might shock your parents or teachers, but honestly, we don’t care. After all, this generation celebrates the weird and wonderful; it’s always good to be different. By Konika Dastidar So we have decided that whilst gym is keeping us fit we need to grow. We are looking for the following qualities in young hairdressers and if you think you have what it takes after reading the checklist then give us a shout. 1. Must have a positive attitude towards life 2. You dress well, according to your peers 3. You know selfies are lame 4. Obsessed but not self obsessed 5. Sick and tired of not being heard or listened too 6. Love learning, want to grow but not expand your waist 😜 7. Can follow direction but not orders 8. Happy to say no to ANYONE if it isn’t right 9. The thought of giving “puff” makes you want to barf 10. A real passion for hair & people and putting smiles on faces more than pushing things down people’s throats. No one ever became successful from being the same as everyone else. I grew up with the understanding of quality in quality out when it comes to food and from a young age we were all taught about the five food groups. Yet some people still think that they can skip a few and it hardly matters, but want the best of everything and it just doesn’t work that way. I have even heard nutritionists recommending to ignore it ( please avoid myths & shortcuts unless your in the army ) When it comes to hair, skin & nails it is the quickest way to see your true health. 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We had more trouble finding our way out of Quebec than into it. The trouble was in reading signs incorrectly and not map reading well. Still it didn’t take as too far out of the way and took us into a neighborhood where we observed temporary garages. These are metal or plastic pole frames, slant-roofed, and covered with canvas or tarp standing in the driveways. I imagine the cars are parked in these in the winter and it keeps the frost and snow off them. Then in the summer the car tents can be folded up and stored. To find people who speak primarily French, one has to get out of the cities, out of the tourist areas of the cities, at least. In Trois Riviere, we stopped for lunch in a strip mall at a place that reminds me of Village Inn, but French. Instead of mini-blinds, there are tall diaphanous drapes on the windows. Our waitress did not have a command of English, so resorted to pointing to help her take our order. The bridge that we saw when we were in St Anne is the bridge we took to our return toward the states. We took 401 to Cornwall, Ontario. There we saw a sign that said “Toll Road”, which we thought meant that the bridge had a toll. We stopped at a gas station and asked about the toll. We were told that “Toll Road” meant that was the name of the road we crossed, but that there was a toll for the bridge and they thought you had to pay in American. I went to the bank nearby and I had a nice chat with the teller about Oregon and the peach tree orchard her friend has that managed to bear fruit because it was protected from the weather. Duane came in just as I was about to get money from the debit card for the toll and said they will take Canadian. So we were off to cross over. Over the bridge and into American territory. Border crossing. We had our ID and birth certificates ready. Guard asks, “Where are you from?” “Oregon.” “Whose car is this?” “It’s a rental car.” “What were you doing in Canada?” “Do you know anyone in Canada?” “No. We are just on vacation.” “What are you bringing back with you?” Somehow it comes out that we were doing research for a book and the guard seems to get more personable, almost friendly. “Do you have a publisher?” “I hear that’s real hard. Well, I’m going to ask you to just drive over there and park and go into that building. They will have you sign some paperwork and you will get your ID back.” We pull over, get out, go in the building, answer more questions about how we didn’t buy anything while we were in Canada. This guard asks, “Mind if I take a look in your car?” Why do they ask? You can’t really refuse. I mean we could have been taken to some island prison and forgotten, if we had said, sorry, no. He pokes around in the car. I look at wanted posters and posters of missing girls. One of them is from Springfield or Eugene, I don’t remember which and there she is on the bulletin board of a border crossing customs and immigration office in noplace New York. Missing teenager. I don’t remember her face. The guard comes back. We sign our document declaring we brought nothing back and we are off again. We are about to see something we would not have believed if some one had told us, we would not have been able to imagine it. We head out intending to take 37 to 56, to 11 and meet up with 81. But we miss 56 and stay on 37 which parallels the St Lawrence (we’re back in English) as it flows up from the great lakes. Tootling along, we come to a pullout view area. I have to pee, no toilet, have to find a dip in the ground high enough to shield me from the highway. In doing so I spy what appear to be a house and one tree sitting out from the bank, in the river. The sun is hitting the river, and the river is just stirred up enough to reflect it back in zillions of sparkles and this house is sitting in this sparkling river. It looks like the calm after the waters rose, but have not receded. I was dead sure that the river was flooding. “Duane, you’ve got to see this!” We took pictures. Drove on. And saw another viewpoint. Here we could see the house from the opposite side and we could see other houses on other bits of land and a sign “1,000 Islands”. These were islands. Someone had deliberately built their house on a tiny island and not just them but lots of people built there homes out there in the river. Many of these are probably vacation homes. One of the islands had a French fort on it and is called Chimney Island, previously Ile Royal, previously La Gallette. The old indian name was Orocaneton, meaning hanging sun. It is one of the ghost sights of New York, it is where the French built a fort, Ft Levis and defended and lost. The island was recently on the market and has a new owner. After the French were purged, the Scots were invited in to settle the area and so the sign at the second viewpoint touts the brave and indefatigable Scots who turned the bountiful forests into the marginal farms we see today. Drive on Oh God don’t let me die in Watertown. Cars, strip malls, soldiers in fatigues, American flags, price-gouging dour purveyors of motels both ratty and depressing. Our first meal back on American soil was dinner at Appleby’s where you can call up on your cell phone and the wait staff will bring your order to your car before the cell phone can alter the cells in your brain more than just an increment toward the tumor. (Are tumor and tumescent related words?). Inside the restaurant is packed and noisy, but here we can understand lots of what is being said, but we can’t understand most of what is being said. The words are clear if the speaker is close enough, but the conversation is unclear. The size of the meals is startling. Steaks the size of your lung. We had gardenburgers. It’s a true miracle we weren’t taken out of town and dumped. Wasn’t that bad. No one noticed us. Still in search of a motel, on the road again. We needed gas so we went to Pulaski. Interesting little burg. There was no way to get back on the freeway without driving all the way through this town. If fish go extinct, so will Pulaski. We were going to get a bed there, but the motel was unbelievably high and besides they didn’t allow fish in the rooms, nor waders, nor mud. . . so what could we do, but drive on. Syracuse has two Motel 6’s so that’s where we ended up staying the night. Next morning we took the thruway to Rochester. Along the way we stopped at what the English would call a Layby. There was travelor respite in the form of restaurants and whatnot. At the Starbucks, Duane inquired after the strength of their lattes. Took two shots of espresso and was disappointed. We drop the car off at the airport and the nicest customer service person in the world gives us information on how to get to the train station by bus. Our plan had been to take a taxi, but spending another 20 when we could spend a couple of dollars just seemed stupid, so we sought out information on mass transit. The man said he sometimes rode the “Iron Pony”, himself. He said there would hardly be anyone on the bus, since it was Saturday, showed us a picture of a building to landmark where we needed to change buses. His attitude was so wonderful that we were put in a marvelous mood. The bus was nearly empty. It was great because both of us could observe the cityscape as it passed by us. The houses seem to be built at exactly the same distance from the sidewalk and since they are almost identical in style, there is a regimented quality to the neighborhoods we pass through. The grass is green on these lawns and I am happy to see green at last. But there is an air of poverty here. It is a two block walk to the train station from the bus stop and we erred in packing our apple butter and it fell out and smashed on the sidewalk. There was nothing we could do, but leave it. At the train station we were flabbergasted to find out that there were no lockers. We had ten hours before our train was scheduled to leave and no intention of dragging our bags about Rochester and no intention of sitting around that absolutely dreadful station. I was loud in my disappointment, so the ticket agent timidly poked her head out the door of her domain and said we could store them in with baggage claim for a price, which we gladly paid. We needed food and books. Our walk took us to a mall. The Greyhound Station is attached to this mall. Inside, there were very few people and lots of empty store spaces. There are no plants to alleviate the stark corridors. At the food court we obtained bagel sandwiches. The woman behind the counter called everyone “honey.” In fact she ended each question about what we wanted on the sandwich with the word. “Do you want tomato, honey?” “Do you want lettuce, honey?” Even though it may have had no meaning, it still felt friendly. I mean, how can you not love a person who calls you honey? Unless you are a waitress and it is coming from somebody who has no business getting familiar with you. There is something different about the server calling you honey and being the server who is called honey. It is a power divide, I think. As the customer your social position is temporarily elevated. The server is meant to cater to you. As the server, your position is temporarily lower, one of less power. To be called “honey” is to be placed in a sexually inferior position vis a vis the customer. Even if there is no sexual intent, the term belittles, takes away power. Anyway, the honey-sayer did not know if there was a bookstore in the mall. She suggested the pharmacy, but I needed to go to the bathroom so first we went in search of a toilet. The search for a toilet took us by a bookstore. We found a couple of books. One by Walter Mosley, Blue Light, amazing book. Complete departure from what he has published in the past. The other one was The Ransom of Mercy Carter by Caroline Cooney, a book for young adults or juvenile, I am not sure what the category is called. This was also a wonderful book. It is the story of a historical person who was taken along with other children from a settlement in Massachusetts by Native Americans when the French were allied with the Indians against the English. Cooney’s treatment of all her characters is superb and compassionate. Mercy Carter refused ransom as did many children captured by Indians. The ransom was often offered years after the abduction and children had assimilated into the tribe and did not want to go back to “civilisation”. That may have been the case with William Way Davis, my ancestor who was captured by Shawnee as a small child. He returned as a young adult looking for his brother, went back to his Shawnee family, but finally returned to the European settlement for good. I don’t know that any ransom was ever offered for him, as his parents were killed. His brother Richard, was not captured. They did end up living near one another for the remainder of their lives. Duane gets information from the bookseller about movie theaters. It is a young guy and he gives Duane the scoop on some indie houses. With our books selected, our toilet achieved, we set out to explore Rochester and locate the theaters. Rochester, New York is a city of extremes. Extreme wealth, extreme poverty. Beautiful buildings, empty derelicts. The Eastman School of Music draws some of the very best young musicians. They and their professors occupy a café across the street. It is warm enough for tables outside. In fact in is almost too warm for me in Rochester and Spring has definitely arrived. Trees are leafing, grass is greening, daffodils are blooming. Several large corporations are headquartered here. Eastman-Kodak, Xerox, and Bausch & Lomb are located here as well as several regional corporations whose names would mean nothing to Westerners. One can assume that there are mansions somewhere in Rochester or perhaps they all live in New York and only the managers and peons live here. Our walk takes us to The Chevy Café. This is an art deco corner building. Glass and Chrome, lots of outdoor tables and windows that are doors which were open all along one streetside—inside / outside. They knew how to make lattes. The coffee bar is an island in the center of an immense room, the ceiling rising 30 feet maybe, I’m terrible with such estimates. It is high. To the right of the coffee bar is an area separated from the rest of the room by drapery. Here are couches and comfortable chairs, coffee tables, end tables. There is also a fireplace laid with fake logs that glowed. We sit in this section. We are joined later by a group of young people who are rehearsing a wedding. Are they going to be married here? We wonder. They are very friendly and very happy. We spend quite a bit of time reading, then we go to a theater and watch Millions. Wonderful film, recommend it. Now we want dinner. We decide to check out the Mediterranean restaurant we had passed by on our way to find the theater. It is a few steps lower than the street. Inside are several empty tables, but the hostess asks us if we have reservations, we do not and she says all the tables are reserved. We do suspect that she has just thrown us out for not being the clientele they deserve. Duane notices that there is a private club occupying the level above the restaurant. I am bruised. Across the street is an Asian restaurant and it is open. Packed, but we get a table immediately. It is noisy and friendly. After dinner, we head back to the train station. Here I notice how filthy the shirt I am wearing as a jacket is and I wonder if this had anything to do with the brusque rejection we had received. We are really a travel stained couple at this point in the journey. It had been our intent to wash our clothes in Rochester, but we did not.

It Took This Artist Three Years to Animate His Wild Chinese Gangster Movie In Liu Jian's 'Have a Nice Day,' nobody has a nice day. Images courtesy Strand Releasing A bag full of money hits a small southern Chinese city like a Mack truck in Have a Nice Day, a gritty, animated indie film that took director Liu Jian three years to draw and animate, frame by frame. The neo-noir thriller slipped through China's strict censorship apparatus to deliver a punishing look at the bleak economic conditions away from Beijing and Shanghai's Instagram-friendly skylines. The drama starts when Xiao Zhang, a driver for local Don Corleone–wannabe Uncle Liu, holds a knife to his partner's throat. He drives off with a million yuan (roughly $160,000) and asks his fiancée to run away with him to Korea to fix her botched plastic surgery job. All that stands in the way is the sly, opportunistic inventor Yellow Eye, Uncle Liu's butcher-assassin Skinny, and the greed of every economically downtrodden urbanite Xiao comes across. The bag's journey unfolds in a series of Pulp Fiction–style slices of characters lives—usually talking about how awful their lives are, their personal philosophies, or Steve Jobs—just before the wreckage of the central plot smashes into them. Jian's style is rooted in his training as a painter at the Nanjing University of the Arts. At times, watching the film feels like viewing a series of works at a gallery show. He'll hold on a nearly static image for ten or so seconds at a time, showcasing the details of hanging meat's marbled flesh, ivy creeping up a crumbling building, or maniacal smiles painted on a wall. These scenes offer a breath in between bursts of lethal action, and flesh out the world in which each person struggles. The city is as much a character as the people in it. The Shanghai Restoration Project's killer soundtrack enlivens these pauses, blending traditional Chinese instruments with hip hop, electronica, and trance. Like all Chinese films, Have a Nice Day had to be approved by the State Administration of Radio Film and Television. According to LA-based Chinese film producer Robert Cain, this means a committee of 30 or so individuals graded the content on, "Confucian morality, political stability and social harmony." Subjects like sex, violence, religion, gambling, drinking, and, "any hint of criticism of the Communist party, its leadership, or its legitimacy," must be purged from a script before it will be approved. "I often joke with friends who run their screenplays by me that, according to the government, nothing bad or subversive ever happens in the modern day communist utopia that is China," Cain continues. "If you want to explore any salacious topics, either set them somewhere else, or in some cases, you can set them in the past." With these restrictions in place, it's easier to make propagandistic films like billionaire Alibaba founder Jack Ma's absurd Gong Shou Dao than a cathartic story that acknowledges the problems modern Chinese people face. Have a Nice Day is driven by murderous gangsters, failed entrepreneurs, and a woman who wants to escape China to get better plastic surgery in Korea—and that's the version after the changes Liu says censors made to the script. Liu masks his criticisms in poetry, metaphor, and subtlety, but leaves plenty of clues for anyone who wants to catch his drift. He quotes Leo Tolstoy's Resurrection before the film even starts, describing a land "disfigure[d]" by hallmarks of industrialization like paved roads, pulverized forests, and clouds of smog. We asked him about how he made the film and kept his ideas intact. VICE: Nobody seems to be having a nice day in this film, so how did you come up with the title, and what does it mean? Liu Jian: "Have a nice day” is a colloquialism and conveys a kind of optimistic feeling. Regarding the story itself, this title reflects a rather striking contrast. And it is also ironic given that everyone in the film isn’t having even close to, a nice day. But behind this story, I still wanted to express a love of life. Tolstoy’s quote in the beginning and the end credits song both convey this feeling. Perhaps the world is a mess, but life is still worthy of our love. Tell me about your animation process, from storyboarding to the finishing touches. Have a Nice Day is a traditional hand-drawn 2D animation. We also used Photoshop, After Effects, and a variety of other general software. We did a lot of location scouting. We took a lot of pictures. Based on the pictures, we drew the landscape part of the animation. Even the characterization, if there’s any action—like a punch—we will do it, take a picture and draw it based on the pictures. My favorite artistic style (and in fact my artistic philosophy) is plain and simple. In this film, I use the minor actions and subtle movements of the characters to evoke their emotions, which, along with the vivid landscapes and interiors the characters exist in, constitute the poetic, and in some sense sad and melancholy, aesthetic philosophy of the film. In my eyes, this film as a whole can be seen as a landscape painting representing modern China. Why did you animate Have a Nice Day almost entirely by yourself? There is no shortcut when making animation films. The images must be painted one by one. Where did you get the inspiration for the characters and story? I live in China, and I wanted to show a picture of contemporary China with my film. Have a Nice Day is an animated film, but it’s penetrated through and through with the philosophy of realism. The film portrays an urban story that takes place on the edges of a southern Chinese city. There are so many uncertainties and possibilities to be imagined in such a dynamic and lively space as the city’s borderlands. What some might call surrealism is often the reality there, and that is fascinating to me in itself. I love to observe and reflect on how people there are living, thinking, and acting. The cultural landscapes of the city’s edges and the people who live there are one of the main sources and inspirations for my work. At the same time, the coexistence of realism and symbolism emphasizes the fantasy and the absurdity of these characters and their stories. In modern China, magical realism is happening around us almost every day. Life at times can resemble a surreal comedy that is filled with both jubilance and self-paralysis. Have a Nice Day is an ensemble film with no specific character who could be described as the main protagonist, unless we say that the bag of money is actually the film’s lead. The movie is set in a town outside of a small southern city in China, and the trends of rapid urbanization and industrialization in the country change a small town like this in vivid as well as in subtle ways. I am fascinated by all of these changes and the people whose lives are affected by these dynamics. My main goal is to stay close to them, to observe the lives of the different groups of people, listen to their voices, and then be able to share their stories through filmmaking—showing their happiness, their anger, their sadness, but also their hope. How did China's censorship policies affect the production and distribution of the film? After completing production, all films in China are subject to official censorship. Anything needed to be changed is communicated. Changes to the last part of the film were inevitable and therefore, adjustments were made content-wise. Only after that were we granted permission to distribute publicly. But the producers were responsible for this aspect. I honestly don’t know that much. With regard to myself, seeing my film on the big screen was very important because it was made for the big screen. Do you have any ideas for what kinds of projects you want to work on next? Will you also animate your next film alone? My next film is a coming-of-age story about a group of students at an art university in the early 90s, and it will also be a traditional hand-drawn animation. I hope to have a small team, but that’s very difficult to get, so I am prepared to do it all by myself once again. Tell Beckett to have a nice day on Twitter. This article originally appeared on VICE US.

A doujin manga adaptation featuring 2 old school classmates, Takashi and Rinka. The doujin is called “幼馴染の真実” The truth about my childhood friend. The doujin is decent and it ranks pretty high on FANZA. I already read it and while the live-action adaptation follows the doujin closely, it ends up pretty far from being a masterpiece. It also gets tagged as NTR, and that’s ok since childhood crushes qualify as NTR. Even more typically NTR features a wife or girlfriends. PLOT (5/10) = Takashi and Senpai are best friends. They both have an old childhood friend named Rinka. Takashi believes Rinka is pure like fresh snow, while Senpai is a lewd bastard who believes Rinka is a slut. One day Takashi visits Rinka house (who happens to be a neighbor), to return a notebook. Rinka Mother allows him to enter Rinka bedroom while Rinka is away. A bit later he hears some noises and the poor bastard freaks out and hides in the closet. Much to his surprise, Rinka is along with Senpai… Just to find out Rinka was not pure, but an out of control slut nympho instead. CHARACTERS (3/10) = Takashi was Okay. Senpai was annoying. Rinka lacked substance. Very displeased with the characters and the development. And why that bastard Senpai has to laugh in every sentence? just annoying. SEX SCENES (7/10) = I’m mildly surprised and glad about Miyu-chan energy in the sex scenes… Pretty sexy, she did a good job, and she saved the video. ENJOYMENT (7/10) = Could have been miles better and I would rank it in the bottom of the MIMK videos I watched or subbed. The sex scenes were unnecessarily endless. But still has a few great moments and I was able to enjoy it. RTP-101 is a double sisters scenario, in which all are invested in the sexy situation. In this video, the cast is really good and these girls do an excellent job. On the plot. A middle-aged dude remarries with a woman who has 2 grown-up daughters. They all sleep in the same room, Japanese style. The dude notices the 2 girls sleeping beside him are wearing very sexy pajamas and he can’t take it anymore. Surprisingly enough, the other sister notices what’s happening and she gets horny and starts masturbating. Shit was priceless. Talking about the wonderful cast: Sekine Nami: She steals the show. She pretended to be cold at first, but when she got horny and started masturbating trough that thick pajama I almost lost it. Wow. Saeki Erika: The blondie she usually does gal roles. Great job. Kanae Renon: A girl incredibly underrated actress in JAV. She is the bomb. NIMO: Besides cosplaying, she also does a very convincing lil’ sister loli role. She rides that dick to oblivion. There’s also a very opening situation at the begging with our favorite baldie Bakky. DVDES-644 is quite a mouthful to stomach, a movie which spans almost 4 hours in a series of non-related mini stories. A low-hurdles fantasy, or if you will, a world in which having sex is quite normal and people feel unrestrained about it. Shame about sex and nudity doesn’t apply in this world. First scene: A family lunch. The Father starts to bang the daughter, and the mother starts to fondle the son. Simultaneously. Second scene: A restaurant. The waitresses get fondled by some customers. Shinoda Yu looks pretty awesome. Third scene: A funeral wake ceremony. Ozawa fucks the widow in front of everybody and the nun starts to masturbate on the spot… I mean… This scene was simply insane. Fourth scene: A loli and his Mom are riding a train together to go back home and a middle-aged dude approaches them… Fifth scene: A massage place. Sixth scene: Classroom scene. Students, teachers, parents… Masao finally got laid… just another insane scene. Overall I think it’s a pretty good movie. Hilarious, sexy, and outrageous at times. Can’t ask for more. This is the most wanted JAV at javlibrary history, just ever, and S1 sold plenty of copies of this one. The biggest star here is probably Aoi Tsukasa, or at least the actress which had a most successful career afterwards. The plot is thin but it works for the harem purpose. 7 sisters who live together. While the oldest sister Tsukasa Aoi is temporarily away from home abroad, they receive an unexpected visit. A man who is their half-brother and is going to stay in the house. It doesn’t take long for him to realize her horny sisters are horny and they don’t give a f*ck… Tsukasa-chan returns by the end of the video, to top things up. Aoi Tsukasa looks so unreal and I can see why they saved her for last. Hot damn. Aoi looks insanely hot, and both Okuda Saki and Kojima Minami are very funny and they lead the group at all times. There are 2 different 4P scenes featuring 2 groups of 3 girls. And a grand final 7-girl scene. The sex action is what makes this video great, a cuteness overload of epic proportions. Well, the title is very long and very self-explanatory already, I can’t explain it any better. Lol. A young dude living alone receives the unexpected visit from Mom and Auntie. They decide to stay overnight even the apartment it’s very small and there is only space for a small bed. Things go south quickly once the Auntie discovers nephew-Kun porn stash. So in the middle of the night, they get frisky with each other. My favorite scene was the first, and my favorite girl was Aunt Remy interpreted by Sasaki Reuna. Hot damn damn damn, Aunt Remy is too much. Those dirty sexy looks, and that huge ass. She’s so pretty. Even the mother scene gave me hots despite usually I don’t care for such incestuous mambo-Jambo, but that was pretty hot. The second scene was done by Hirata Tsukasa on the male side, and it was a pretty hot scene too. Overall I loved the girl selection and this fetish is a classic in JAV. In any case, Okita Anri and Kurea Hasumi are 2 nurses who overstep their boundaries. Dirty talking all the way with sexy nurse costumes that are really sweet. Specially Anri Okita, who has a crazy naturally slutty face and she has an ability to dirty talk. Plus she even talks a couple sentences in English (09:53). The sex scene is pretty good, but as I say, the drama non-existent. I only subbed the first scene because the rest was pretty much the same. Anyhow, nowadays for new subs I’m forcing myself to do the full video and I will only do single-scenes when is totally justified. A dude has a girlfriend which is flat as a plank and mildly tomboyish, but hey, having a girlfriend is a respectable thing. So he gets invited to the house to do some homework. Suddenly the big sister RION appears introducing herself, with those big humongous pairs of OPPAI, dressing all sexy. Getting all over the dude, being seductive and all. She couldn’t be any more different than the sister: Curvy, big boobs, feminine, sexy, and not wearing any bra, which can be clearly be seen through the clothes transparency. Later on the dude has sex with her Gf, but even so, he can’t forget those RION boobs and he obsesses about her. He sneaks out in the middle of the night to find RION. Hence I still think RION acting lacks a little bit but I felt she did a much better job this time compared to recent releases, she also compensates with her crazy body and face. The drama part was also good and I could get behind this story. RION has a little sister named Yuki, which also has a boyfriend younger than her. But RION finds the little dude so cute. So she starts to seduce him with her huge pair of humongous boobs. Initially, Junior-kun loved Yuki, a plain as a table young girl, but after checking out big sister RION tits he acquires a newfound taste for big tits. Plus RION prancing around her tits without any bra is a wake-up call for him. He and RION start an affair literally under the sister’s nose. The story is simple yet funny. RION looks hot… really hot. Okuda Saki recently married to Hajime-san. One day Hajime-san shows up in the house with the boss kid, Makoto-Kun. Who will be staying over for a few days. Okuda-chan and Makoto-kun quickly become friends. Too good friends I might add. Not sure if Okuda Saki is a good sister or a totally perverted Hentai Oneechan. Whichever the case, it totally works for me and I loved this story. Ah, Okuda-chan, you don’t just pop the cherry of a Shotacon!, that is a Pandora’s box hard to close. Okuda Saki did an awesome job on the actress side. Equally sexy and funny. About the male actor, Initially, I didn’t like him much, but the little creep was actually kind of funny and he “jizzs” like 50 times.

Views and clues inside Detroit’s party scene Credit: Reich, event coordinator for the Detroit area Lock and Key events, will try to prove you wrong. Attendees will attempt to match the locks and keys. For every match you make, you will be entered to win a raffle prize which include cash, manicures, candles, comedy passes and complimentary admission to future Lock and Key events. We hope that in the future this can happen in Detroit too. Guests will mingle until 9: The event will include free appetizers until 10 p. For more information, visit www. Just be sure to leave room for it to find you. Until they met by chance at a birthday party in an Orlando bar, Aaron Bean and Katie Merrigan counted themselves among the thousands of singles in Orlando. Chat with Tennessee Singles Online – 100% Free. Friendfinder – With over 1, , registered users, this site always has thousands of personal listings – plus chat rooms, articles and advice for Singles. 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Couples can either register a divorce with the civil affairs authority, indicating they have agreed to go their separate ways, or they can sue for divorce through the courts, which can rule on custody of children and how to dispose of any assets. In the first six months of this year, 1. Three decades ago, in , , couples registered their divorces with the civil affairs authority — the most common route taken. By , that annual number had risen to 4. Many relationship experts and lawyers put the rising divorce rate down to higher expectations and growing financial independence, especially among women. Girls Near Me Controversy[ edit ] Anthropologist Helen Fisher in What happens in the dating world can reflect larger currents within popular culture. For example, when the book The Rules appeared, it touched off media controversy about how men and women should relate to each other, with different positions taken by New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd and British writer Kira Cochrane of The Guardian. Sara McCorquodale suggests that women meeting strangers on dates meet initially in busy public places, share details of upcoming dates with friends or family so they know where they’ll be and who they’ll be with, avoid revealing one’s surname or address, and conducting searches on them on the Internet prior to the date. Don’t leave drinks unattended; have an exit plan if things go badly; and ask a friend to call you on your cell phone an hour into the date to ask how it’s going. If you explain beautifully, a woman does not look to see whether you are handsome or not — but listens more, so you can win her heart. My husband is very sweet and caring person. Situation with D’Amato’s wife could have been ‘disastrous’ They were married for 20 years, raising a son and living the good life jetting between homes in New York and France. It was all perfect, except for one thing: He had secretly divorced her just months after their wedding, in an apparent attempt to shield his assets. She left her job teaching Italian literature at Boston College to be with the lawyer and travel agent more than 30 years her senior. But all the while, Gabriel was apparently hedging his bets. Four months after the pair tied the knot, Gabriel Villa secretly arranged for a divorce in the Dominican Republic. The wife says she never knew about, let alone consented to, a Dominican divorce, which was never registered in New York. The two bought a one-bedroom condo on West 55th Street; had a son, Lorenzo; and divided their time among Manhattan, Massachusetts and France. Younger Man / Older Woman As I mentioned, there are exceptions — there is a group of guys who prefer older women, and there is a group of women who is uniquely attractive despite being older. But denying that a significant age difference is an issue is like denying that a typical woman wants to be with a guy who is taller. Many younger men appreciate the wisdom, intelligence, reponsibility and maturity an older woman brings to the relationship. Most younger men in this study, preferred to date years older than their own age. You underestimate how many younger men are tired of the games women their age play. The intense sexual connection that I found is something I just dont want to lose, i want to enjoy as much as I can. Full Review Mobile Site Looking for Soulmate in Senior Dating Network The unique systems are second to none and the range of members through out the world has to be seen to be believed. 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Regardless if you are looking for new friendship opportunities and the chance to do something fun, or you would like to enjoy romance and even put the bases of beautiful relationship, this online dating site is a great place to start. A great advantage is that you can start browsing members even before registering, to make sure that you can indeed find the potential matches before becoming a member. Girls Near Me Sabine has never been happier in a relationship and hopes she and Steve — who has a year-old son from his first marriage and a two-year-old boy from his third — will one day marry and have children of their own. He spent hundreds of pounds on a wardrobe of beautiful summer dresses for me, on a whim, while we were travelling in South-East Asia last year. And or my birthday, Steve presented me with an iPad before whisking me off for a romantic break in Majorca. Gabriel and Marina Villa did not respond to messages. Share this article Share ‘If you refuse, it means you are going against not only religion and customs, but also against his will,’ she told the BBC. Kadyrov’s ‘reconciliation programme’ has ‘reunited’ some couples since it was launched in June this year Chechnya is not an independent country, but one of Russia’s federal republics, with its own government. The state is headed by year-old Putin-loyalist Kadyrov, a hardline Muslim father-of who has been accused of human rights violations and persecution of homosexuals. He launched his ‘family reconciliation’ scheme in June, claiming that children of married couples were less likely to become radicalised and turn to Islamist extremism. We’ve got to return the women who left their husbands and reconcile them. This is a priority,’ Kadyrov said according to The Independent. Earlier this year, Kadyrov, was accused of ordering a clampdown on homosexuals, which saw Chechen police rounded up more than men suspected of being gay, killing at least three. It was reported that Chechen authorities had also opened a ‘concentration camp for homosexuals since Hitler’s in the s, where campaigners say gay men are being tortured with electric shocks and beaten to death. However, Kadyrov later denied the allegations, saying that he could not have ordered neither clampdown nor concentraion camps as Chechnya ‘did not have any gay people. We don’t have those kinds of people here. Younger Man / Older Woman Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a self-help book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider , originally published in A woman who follows The Rules is called a Rules Girl. Some audiences considered it useful and motivational, while others felt that it was outdated, anti men and antifeminist , or a how-to guide that teaches women to play games that toy with men. Fein married and divorced, and has recently remarried. Four months after the pair tied the knot, Gabriel Villa secretly arranged for a divorce in the Dominican Republic. At Dating Match we understand that the key to successful matchmaking is compatibility of interests and lifestyles, so we have made it easier than ever for you to find like-minded individuals in your pursuit of love. With clients from many different niches from senior dating to Christian dating, South Africa now has easier access than ever before to the world of elite dating and matchmaking. Best of all — our service is absolutely free to anyone, anywhere in South Africa! 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Racisms: An Introduction Publication Year: 2010 We hear much about ‘race’ and ‘racism’ in public discourse but the terms are frequently used without clear definitions or practical examples of how these phenomena actually work. Racisms introduces practical methods which enable students to think coherently and sociologically about this complex feature of the global landscape. Steve Garner argues that there is no single monolithic object of analysis but rather a plural set of ideas and practices that result in the introduction of ‘race’ into social relations. This differs over time and from one place to another. Focusing on the basics, Racisms: Defines ‘race’, ‘racism’, ‘institutional racism’ and ‘racialization’; Provides examples of how these function in fields like the natural sciences and asylum; Clearly sets out theoretical arguments around collective identities (‘race’, class, gender, nation, religion); Uses ... - Front Matter - Back Matter - Subject Index - Chapter 1: The Idea of ‘Race’ and the Practice of Racisms - Chapter 2: Racialisation - Chapter 3: ‘Race’, Class and Gender - Chapter 4: ‘Race’, Nation, State - Chapter 5: Science - Chapter 6: Mixed-Ness - Chapter 7: Institutional Racism - Chapter 8: Whiteness - Chapter 9: New Racisms? - Chapter 10: The Racialisation of Asylum - Chapter 11: Islamophobia? © Steve Garner 2010 First published 2010 Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form, or by any means, only with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers. SAGE Publications Ltd 1 Oliver's Yard 55 City Road London EC1Y 1SP SAGE Publications Inc. 2455 Teller Road Thousand Oaks, California 91320 SAGE Publications India Pvt Ltd B 1/I 1 Mohan Cooperative Industrial Area Mathura Road, Post Bag 7 New Delhi 110 044 SAGE Publications Asia-Pacific Pte Ltd 33 Pekin Street #02-01 Far East Square Library of Congress Control Number 2009925653 British Library Cataloguing in Publication data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978-1-4129-4581-3 (pbk) Typeset by C&M Digitals (P) Ltd, Chennai, India Printed by CPI Antony Rowe, Chippenham, Wiltshire Printed on paper from sustainable resources First, a big thank you to the people at Sage for their patience, especially Jai Seaman, Chris Rojek and Katherine Haw. Second, thanks to my family, who as usual suffer neglect as a result of my writing activity – Annie, Dani, Gabriel and Morganne – you're the best. Thirdly, this text is based on my interpretation of other people's hard work, so it really is, in a way, a collective project. Teaching can, paradoxically, be a lonely old business in the middle of a crowd: trying to make epiphanies happen in the minds of strangers. Sometimes it can get depressing, or boring. Sometimes you may even think you have made a string of poor choices that lead you to a particular classroom, teaching a particular subject at a particular time, when you could instead have been coaching your favourite sport, watching fabulous jungle animals through a camera lens, saving somebody's life in an emergency room, or doing something demonstrably exciting and/or more fun for a living. At other times, on those rare occasions when you set another person on a course that they recognise is a direction in which they would not have travelled were it not for you, then I can't think of anything much better. I have an email I read when I'm feeling particularly low, in which a former student thanks me for teaching a module on racism. The last part reads: ‘It was the only area of study I have undertaken that made me completely change the way I thought about the world’. This text is dedicated to all the teachers to whom that sentence should be addressed, and more often, but whose former students are having too much fun to get round to telling them so. List of Boxes, Tables and Figures[Page vii]Boxes - 1.1 Race and genes 1 - 1.2 Essentialism 12 - 1.3 The racial natural sciences 15 - 1.4 How many ‘races’ are there? 17 - 2.1 Frantz Fanon 20 - 2.2 Concepts of national belonging 24 - 2.3 Japanese nationalism 26 - 2.4 Immigration regimes 29 - 3.1 Background to the split in the US women's suffrage movement 36 - 4.1 Nations and nation states 50 - 4.2 Michel Foucault 58 - 5.1 Linnaeus (1707–78) from The System of Nature (1735) 68 - 5.2 Comte de Buffon (Georges-Louis Leclerc) (1707–88)from A Natural History General and Particular (1748–1804) 69 - 5.3 BiDil: an ethnic drug? 77 - 5.4 How skin-lightening products work 80 - 5.5 Special surgical procedures for Asian women 81 - 6.1 Hypodescent and national frameworks 88 - 6.2 Categories in the US Census 2000 95 - 6.3 Ethnic categories in the England and Wales 2001 Census 96 - 7.1 Case study: The Equality Authority, Republic of Ireland 104 - 7.2 Structure and agency 109 - 9.1 Not hate but love: the British National Party 132 - 9.2 Goodhart's ‘Too Diverse?’ 135 - 10.1 Information about asylum seekers and refugees 144 - 10.2 Overall trends in asylum seeking 145 - 10.3 Understanding opinion polls on social attitudes 151 - 11.1 Some statistics on UK Muslims (2001–6) 172 - 3.1 Percentage of African American women in various forms of employment at the 1890 Census 42 - 5.1 Percentage of cosmetic surgery patients, by ethnicity, 1999, 2003 and 2008 82 - 5.2 The three most commonly requested surgical procedures for ‘ethnic’ patients, 2007 82 - 6.1 Percentages of each ‘racial’ group in the US Census 2000 96 - 6.2 Percentages of each ethnic group in the UK Census 2001 97 - 7.1 Home-ownership by ‘race’ in the USA, 1994–2005 111 There are some splendid resource books for teaching ‘race’ and ethnicity in the social sciences. However, having taught specialist undergraduate modules for a decade, I have never been able to fully endorse buying a textbook because those available suppose too much knowledge. They are ideal for use with postgraduates and for referencing segments of larger works, but undergraduate social scientists just don't generally have enough background in the subject to make enough use of them properly. This is not a failing on the students’ part. There has to be a period in which they acquire the knowledge that helps them fit these well-known works into some kind of a theoretical framework. It has taken me more than 20 years, and there is not a day that passes without me adding more knowledge. So this text is designed for undergraduates who are interested in this topic, primarily in the UK and the USA, which is why material from those two countries is prioritised here. It is a textbook to use either as the basis for a course, or to dip into as a set of free-standing chapters. Academic colleagues who know this area will immediately be able to come up with a set of chapters for the topics I did not cover here. I agree: the choice is idiosyncratic. I could suggest an ‘omitted chapters’ list myself: anti-semitism; anti-nomadic racism; indigenous land rights; Transatlantic slavery; Far-right politics; criminology and the racialisation of minorities; concentrations on other historical periods and geographical locations. All of these areas and more could have been covered in this book, but then where would all the topics already in here have gone? Any student textbook has to cover what I understand to be the basics, which in this case comprises theories of ‘race’, racisms, racialisation, how class and gender articulate with ‘race’, what ‘mixed-ness’ means, and the role of science in making and sustaining the creative fiction that is ‘race’. Particularly relevant examples for me of how issues can be racialised are asylum and Islamic religion in the West, hence the coverage of those two. Finally, there are the connected issues of the racialisation of white identities and of the establishment, over the last three decades or so, of ‘new’ forms of racism that emphasise culture more than phenotype in public and private discourse. If the publishers ask me to do another edition, I will certainly include something different. However, I stand by this choice of topics. It offers one possible route into the truly gigantic corpus. I am often pushed to say ‘what I know’ about racism and in fact the more knowledgeable I get, the more I realise that I am getting further from, not closer to, some state of expertise. The more you know, the more you know what there is to know (and that is always more than one person can hope to know). So if you really want to know what the story is, then the following will help you begin. ‘Race’ is a fiction that we turn into a social reality every day of our lives. It lies at the heart of the complex, historical and multifaceted sets of social relationships to which we attach the label ‘racism’. This is a historical process, a set of ideas and a set of outcomes (benefits for some, disadvantages for others). This can be anything from a promotion ahead of someone else who is just as good at what they do as you are, to being hunted like an animal and dying a protracted and painful death at the hands of someone who thinks ‘race’ is so real it authorises your murder with impunity.[Page x] The forms in which these social relationships play out are so diverse that I think ‘racism’ is too small a word to contain them, hence my choice of a plural in the title. If you are interested in struggling against racism, you have to be interested in more than just ‘race’. You must also be a student of gender, class, nation states, culture, history and science. I encourage students to follow up by reading the work referred to in each chapter, at the next level of study. This text is merely a starting point, a marshalling of some arguments and an incitement to think that racism is a complicated part of the social world, rather than an aberration of individuals. I hope that someone who reads this text will end up contributing to the struggle … which unfortunately won't be ending any time soon. Glossary of Terms[Page 175] A8 In 2004, the European Union was enlarged to include 10 new member states: Poland, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Slovenia, Malta, Cyprus and Hungary. In EU circles, these were called ‘Accession States’ in the period leading up to 2004, and of these, the eight for whom this new membership would enable nationals to access the labour markets of the existing member states without a visa for the first time (that is, all the above except Malta and Cyprus), were referred to as the A8 (A for Accession). Apartheid Between 1948 and 1994, the Republic of South Africa was officially governed according to the ideology of apartheid, an Afrikaans word meaning ‘separateness’. The system, implemented by the National Party under Daniel Malan, involved the imposition of separate and parallel regimes of government for the various racialised strands of the population. Some African groups were allocated ‘homelands’ such as Transkei and KwaZulu in South Africa and occupied Namibia (then South-West Africa), while the main racial groups afforded legitimacy under apartheid – Whites, Coloureds, Indians and Blacks – had differential rights to geographical mobility, employment, housing, education, etc. Specifically, apartheid was a means of controlling the majority labour force and population, frequently with recourse to armed force, suspension of human rights and state terrorism. The small white population was the only one to enjoy the full range of democratic freedoms and had preferential access to the country's vast wealth. The bureaucracy created to oversee this system also created stable clerical work for white South Africans. Opposition to apartheid, which also came from the Communist Party and the Pan African Congress, soon took the shape of a national political party – the African National Congress (ANC), which waged a political and armed struggle against the apartheid system from the late 1950s. International sports boycotts from the 1960s, and anti-apartheid organisations in many countries, added to the pressure placed on South Africa to normalise its social relationships. On the back of the campaign to free ANC leader Nelson Mandela from captivity, which occurred in 1992, came the holding of free elections in 1994. The ANC won the elections with a landslide, and Mandela became the first post-apartheid President of South Africa. Aryan The term Aryan, borrowed from Sanskrit, was originally used to describe a set of languages originating in the India/Iran/Afghanistan regions. By the nineteenth century, it came to mean speakers of Indo-European languages. By the end of that century, scientists such as Thomas Huxley and Georges Vacher de Lapouge were speculating that the Aryan people were characterised by longer skulls than others, and had a leadership role in the modern world. This racial genealogy was reinvigorated by writers such as de Gobineau, who saw Nordic and Teutonic peoples as the basis of the Anglo-Saxon racial stock in the mid nineteenth-century, and most spectacularly by Houston Stewart Chamberlain whose writings on the Aryan race (The Foundations of the Nineteenth Century, 1911 ) influenced Hitler. The Nazis used the term ‘Aryan’ to refer to those racialised as the authentic Germans, typically represented as tall, [Page 176]blue-eyed blondes, around which their social policies were based in the 1933–45 period (Burleigh and Wipperman, 1991). burqa A loose garment that goes on top of usual daily clothes. It is worn by some Muslim women and it is removed once the woman returns home. Le foulard The French word for ‘headscarf. The term is best known because of the affaires du foulard, or ‘headscarf incidents’, in which French Muslim girls were refused entry in to schools because they were wearing foulards. There were over 100 such incidents in the 1989–2003 period. The rationale for turning the schoolgirls away is that state schools are part of the secular public space that forms the basis of French republican values, according to which the private space can be religious but the public arena must be free of religious ideas, objects and symbolism. In 2004, a Special Commission was set up by the government to investigate the options for dealing with the situation (as half the decisions had been overturned by the courts). It recommended the drafting of a law against wearing ‘conspicuous’ religious items, such as the foulard, to school, which was passed in 2005. The public debate was very controversial, with various interlocutors accusing others of anti-republican values, sexism and racism, etc. The Law's opponents argue that although the wording specifies crucifixes and Jewish skullcaps as objects that must also not be worn conspicuously, the principal objective of the law is to prevent French Muslims from expressing their Muslim identities. Hegemony Italian Marxist Antonio Gramsci uses the concept of hegemony (literally meaning ‘domination’) to refer to the set of dominant ideas at any given time. The subtlety of Gramsci's hegemony is that it allows for people to recognise that the ideas may be untrue and/or unfair, without this being a barrier to those ideas being the dominant ones of an era, around which political discourse is based and normalised. Hypodescent This is also called the ‘one-drop rule’. This American racial logic states that any person with any ancestors who are not white Europeans cannot be considered genuinely white, regardless of what that person looks like. Intersectionality This is an approach developed by Black American feminists in the late 1980s to analyse social relations by simultaneously taking into account multiple axes of identity, generally gender, class and ‘race’. Ius sanguinis This refers to qualification through bloodlines (that is, parents’ or grandparents’ nationality) (see Box 2.2). Ius soli This refers to qualification for membership through birth within a given territory (see Box 2.2). Jilbab A loose garment covering the whole body except for the hands, face, feet and head, worn by some Muslim women. A headscarf or veil can also be worn with it. There is some discussion about whether the contemporary forms of jilbab are the same as what is referred to in the Qu'ran. There is an argument that it only appeared in the recent past as a form of identification with particular forms of political Islam, while others maintain it is exactly the same item that was worn in the seventh century.[Page 177] ‘Jim Crow’ After the abolition of slavery and the Fourteenth Amendment had given former slaves the right to vote, there was a short period (1865–76, also known as the Reconstruction), during which black Americans enjoyed relatively improved status and were protected by Federal laws. However, in 1877, the last Federal troops were withdrawn from the Southern states, and the Democratic Party enacted a set of laws that established separate living and access to resources ordered by ‘race’ (segregation). This was institutionally recognised in a set of laws passed by state governments in the southern states of the USA. These included separate schooling, places to sit on trains and buses, restaurants, toilets, etc. Moreover, a series of amendments to voting rights effectively disenfranchised most black voters by the First World War. This set of laws was known as ‘Jim Crow’. Such laws were by no means exclusive to the south. Laws segregating the ‘races’ were passed across the USA, and President Wilson even reintroduced segregated Federal Offices in 1913. Additionally, the reaction to the short period of black progress in the South involved violence and extra-judicial acts of aggression to intimidate black Americans in order to prevent them reaching social equality with whites (Du Bois, 1998 ). The Jim Crow laws were backed up by the accompanying extra-legal social realities of lynchings, beatings and rape. Jim Crow held sway formally in the southern states from around 1890 to the passage of the Civil Rights Act in 1965. Limpieza de sangre This fifteenth-century Spanish concept of purity of the blood referred originally to the class system of feudal Spain, particularly the lineage of nobles and state officials who had to have limpieza de sangre (bloodlines including no traceable Jewish or Muslim converts to Christianity). Limpieza de sangre was a resource for some Spaniards to defend against encroachment from the bloodlines of indigenous Americans and enslaved Africans. Mestiçagem This is the historical process of ‘race mixing’ in Portuguese. Mixed-ness The problems engendered by trying to talk about people as being the products of more than one racialised group are discussed in Chapter 6. There are vast numbers of words used to describe people whose parentage is ‘mixed’ in this way that derive from the colonial period of the Americas. In Spanish, for example, there is mestizo, castizo, mulatto and zambo (which denote a European-Amerindian, European and unspecified other, European-African and African-Amerindian mix respectively). (An example of such definitions and terminology used in New Spain (Mexico) can be found in Yelvington, 2005: 246.) In French, there is métis, mulâtre, sang-mêlé and griffe. In Portuguese, the equivalent to mestizo is mestizaje, while North American English developed a vocabulary to cover degrees of blackness: quadroon (someone with one black grandparent), octoroon (someone with one black great-grandparent), etc. Such terms typically refer to the animal world (mulatto, mulâtre), or fractions (half, quarter, etc.). Among the contemporary academic vocabulary one encounters in reading the US literature on bi-raciality/‘mixed race’ are terms such as the Hawaiian hapa, and the Japanese haafu (both of which are basically the word ‘half’), chosen as less negative ways to approach the issue.[Page 178] Niqab A veil, worn by some Muslim women, that covers the face, leaving only a slit for the eyes. Patriality The concept introduced into British law by the 1968 Commonwealth Immigrants Act which makes accession to British nationality predicated on having one grandparent born in the UK. The objective was to override the previous ius soli practice of extending membership to people born on British territory when Britain's Empire lay across the world. In the context of the late 1960s, the introduction of patriality means an attempt to close off access to British citizenship for post-war migrants from outside the white dominions such as Canada, New Zealand and South Africa, especially those referred to as ‘coloured’ immigrants at that time (i.e. from the Anglophone Caribbean, the Indian subcontinent and West Africa). Racial sciences The branches of science that contributed to fixing ‘race’ as part of the intellectual landscape of the Western world from the late eighteenth century through to the mid-twentieth century. These could be natural sciences, like craniology or phrenology; elements of natural sciences that also focused on other things, like anthropometry; or streams within the social sciences, such as ethnology, anthropology and, to a degree, sociology. What makes a science ‘racial’ is not its entirety, but its embrace of the idea of ‘race’ and its contribution to legitimising discourse that makes a causal and circular link between physical appearance, cultural capacity for civilisation, intellect and innate characteristics. Suttee Also called sati. A minority practice within Hinduism of the widow either self-immolating or being forced to die on her husband's funeral pyre. The rationale is to purge the couple of all sin for the afterlife. The practice was banned by the British in the nineteenth century and again by the Indian government in the late twentieth century. TCN ‘Third Country National’ (TCN) is a term developed in European Union discourse that refers to someone unfortunate enough not to be a national of an EU member state. Unmah Arabic word translated into English as ‘community’ or ‘nation’. It is used as a collective term to describe the whole Muslim diaspora, as a community of believers. Appendix: Statistics on Muslims in the UK[Page 179]Demographics - In 2001, there were 1.6 million Muslims living in the UK, compared to a total population of 58.7 people. - Three quarters of Muslims (74%) were from an Asian ethnic background, predominantly Pakistani (43%). - 46% of Muslims had been born in the UK. - 34% of Muslims were under 16 years of age. - A third of Muslim households (34%) contained more than five people, while 25% of households contained three or more dependent children. - 38% of Muslims lived in London. (Source: National Statistics, 2001 Census)Education - In 2001, there were 371,000 school-aged (5- to 16-year-old) Muslim children in England. (Source: National Statistics) - In 2004, 67% of Indian, 48% of Bangladeshi and 45% of Pakistani pupils gained five or more grades A* to C at GCSE (or equivalent), compared with 52% of white British pupils. (Source: Social Trends No. 36, 2006) - 31% of young British Muslims leave school with no qualifications compared to 15% of the total population. (Source: National Statistics) - 35% of Muslim households have no adults in employment (more than double the national average). (Source: ‘Muslim Housing Experience’, Oxford Centre for Islamic Studies) - Just under three-quarters of Bangladeshi and Pakistani children (73 %) are living in households below the poverty line (60% of median income). This compares with under a third (31%) for children in all households. (Source: Department for Work and Pensions, Households Below Average Income 1994/5–2000/1) - In 2001, 13% of Muslim men and 16% of Muslim women reported ‘not good’ health. These rates, which take account of the difference in age structures between the religious groups, were higher than those of Jewish and Christian people, who were the least likely to rate their health as ‘not good’. (Source: National Statistics, 2001 Census) - In 2001, 52% of Muslim households did not own their own home. - 28% of Muslim households were living in social rented accommodation, that is accommodation rented from the council or a housing association. - Muslim households were the most likely to experience overcrowding. One-third of Muslim households (32%) lived in overcrowded accommodation. This compares with just 6% of Christian households who experience overcrowding. - Muslim households were the most likely to lack central heating (12%). (Source: National Statistics, 2001 Census report on faith)Employment - In 2004, 28% of 16–24-year-old Muslims were unemployed. This compares with only 11% of Christians of the same age. (Source: National Statistics, 2001 Census report on faith) - In 2004, a fifth of Muslims were self-employed. (Source: National Statistics) - In 2004, almost seven in ten (69%) Muslim women of working age were economically inactive. (Source: Social Trends No. 36, 2006) - 47% of Muslim students have experienced Islamophobia. (Source: FOSIS (Federation of Student Islamic Societies) survey, 2005) - Almost 10% of the prison population are Muslim, two-thirds of whom are young men aged 18–30. (Source: Prison Service statistics, 2004) - Between 2001 and 2003, there was a 302% increase in ‘stop and search’ incidents among Asian people, compared with 118% among white people. 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I ASSOCIATE, rightly or wrongly, my marriage with the death of my father, in time. That other links exist, on other levels, between these two affairs, is not impossible. I have enough trouble as it is in trying to say what I think I know. I visited, not so long ago, my fathers grave, that I do know, and noted the date of his death, of his death alone, for that of his birth had no interest for me, on that particular day. I set out in the morning and was back by night, having lunched lightly in the graveyard. But some days later, wishing to know his age at death, I had to return to the grave, to note the date of his birth. These two limiting dates I then jotted down on a piece of paper, which I now carry about with me. I am thus in a position to affirm that I must have been about twenty-five at the time of my marriage. For the date of my own birth, I repeat, my own birth, I have never forgotten, I never had to note it down, it remains graven in my memory, the year at least, in figures that life will not easily erase. The day itself comes back to me, when I put my mind to it, and I often celebrate it, after my fashion, I dont say each time it comes back, for it comes back too often, but often. Personally I have no bone to pick with graveyards, I take the air there willingly, perhaps more willingly than elsewhere, when take the air I must. The smell of corpses, distinctly perceptible under those of grass and humus mingled, I do not find unpleasant, a trifle on the sweet side perhaps, a trifle heady, but how infinitely preferable to what the living emit, their feet, teeth, armpits, arses, sticky foreskins and frustrated ovules. And when my fathers remains join in, however modestly, I can almost shed a tear. The living wash in vain, in vain perfume themselves, they stink. Yes, as a place for an outing, when out I must, leave me my graveyards and keep—you—to your public parks and beauty-spots. My sandwich, my banana, taste sweeter when Im sitting on a tomb, and when the time comes to piss again, as it so often does, I have my pick. Or I wander, hands clasped behind my back, among the slabs, the flat, the leaning and the upright, culling the inscriptions. Of these I never weary, there are always three or four of such drollery that I have to hold on to the cross, or the stele, or the angel, so as not to fall. Mine I composed long since and am still pleased with it, tolerably pleased. My other writings are no sooner dry than they revolt me, but my epitaph still meets with my approval. There is little chance unfortunately of its ever being reared above the skull that conceived it, unless the State takes up the matter. But to be unearthed I must first be found, and I greatly fear those gentlemen will have as much trouble finding me dead as alive. So I hasten to record it here and now, while there is yet time: [I0] The second and last or rather latter line limps a little perhaps, but that is no great matter, Ill be forgiven more than that when Im forgotten. Then with a little luck you hit on a genuine interment, with real live mourners and the odd relict trying to throw herself into the pit. And nearly always that charming business with the dust, though in my experience there is nothing less dusty than holes of this type, verging on muck for the most part, nor anything particularly powdery about the deceased, unless he happen to have died, or she, by fire. No matter, their little gimmick with the dust is charming. But my fathers yard was not among my favourite. To begin with it was too remote, way out in the wilds of the country on the side of a hill, and too small, far too small, to go on with. Indeed it was almost full, a few more widows and theyd be turning them away. I infinitely preferred Ohlsdorf, particularly the Linne section, on Prussian soil, with its nine hundred acres of corpses packed tight, though I knew no one there, except by reputation the wild animal collector Hagenbeck. A lion, if I remember right, is carved on his monument, death must have had for Hagenbeck the countenance of a lion. Coaches ply to and fro, crammed with widows, widowers, orphans and the like. Groves, grottoes, artificial lakes with swans, offer consolation to the inconsolable. It was December, I had never felt so cold, the eel soup lay heavy on my stomach, I was afraid Id die, I turned aside to vomit, I envied them. But to pass on to less melancholy matters, on my fathers death I had to leave the house. It was he who wanted me in the house. He was a strange man. One day he said, Leave him alone, hes not disturbing anyone. He didnt know I was listening. This was a view he must have often voiced, but the other times I wasnt by. They would never let me see his will, they simply said he had left me such a sum. I believed then and still believe he had stipulated in his will that I be left the room I had occupied in his lifetime and food brought me there, as hitherto. He may even have given this the force of condition precedent. Presumably he liked to feel me under his roof, otherwise he would not have opposed my eviction. Perhaps he merely pitied me. But somehow I think not. He should have left me the entire house, then Id have been all right, the others too for that matter, Id have summoned them and said, Stay, stay by all means, your home is here. Yes, he was properly had, my poor father, if his purpose was really to go on protecting me from beyond the tomb. With regard to the money it is only fair to say they gave it to me without delay, on the very day following the inhumation. Perhaps they were legally bound to. I said to them, Keep this money and let me live on here, in my room, as in Papas lifetime. I added, God rest his soul, in the hope of melting them. But they refused. I offered to place myself at their disposal, a few hours every day, for the little odd maintenance jobs every dwelling requires, if it is not to crumble away. Pottering is still just possible, I dont know why. I proposed in particular to look after the hothouse. There I would have gladly whiled away the hours, in the heat, tending the tomatoes, hyacinths, pinks and seedlings. My father and I alone, in that household, understood tomatoes. But they refused. One day, on my return from stool, I found my room locked and my belongings in a heap before the door. This will give you some idea how constipated I was, at that juncture. It was, I am now convinced, anxiety constipation. But was I genuinely constipated? Somehow I think not. Softly, softly. And yet I must have been, for how otherwise account for those long, those cruel sessions in the necessary house? At such times I never read, any more than at other times, never gave way to revery or meditation, just gazed dully at the almanac hanging from a nail before my eyes, with its chromo of a bearded stripling in the midst of sheep, Jesus no doubt, parted the cheeks with both hands and strained, heave! ho! heave! ho!, with the motions of one tugging at the oar, and only one thought in my mind, to be back in my room and flat on my back again. What can that have been but constipation? Or am I confusing it with the diarrhoea? Its all a muddle in my head, graves and nuptials and the different varieties of motion. Of my scanty belongings they had made a little heap, on the floor, against the door. I can still see that little heap, in the kind of recess full of shadow between the landing and my room. It was in this narrow space, guarded on three sides only, that I had to change, I mean exchange my dressing-gown and nightgown for my travelling costume, I mean shoes, socks, trousers, shirt, coat, greatcoat and hat, I can think of nothing else. I tried other doors, turning the knobs and pushing, or pulling, before I left the house, but none yielded. I think if Id found one open Id have barricaded myselfin the room, nothing less than gas would have dislodged me. I felt the house crammed as usual, the usual pack, but saw no one. I imagined them in their various rooms, all bolts drawn, every sense on the alert. Then the rush to the window, each holding back a little, hidden by the curtain, at the sound of the street door closing behind me, I should haveleft it open. Then the doors fly open and out they pour, men, women and children, and the voices, the sighs, the smiles, the hands, the keys in the hands, the blessed relief, the precautions rehearsed, if this then that, but if that then this, allclear and joy in every heart, come lets eat, the fumigation can wait. All imagination to be sure, I was already on my way, things may have passed quite differently, but who cares how things pass, provided they pass. All those lips that had kissed me, those hearts that had loved me (it is with the heart one loves, is it not, or am I confusing it with something else?), those hands that had played with mine and those minds that had almost made their own of me! Humans are truly strange. Poor Papa, a nice mug he must have felt that day if he could see me, see us, a nice mug on my account I mean. Unless in his great disembodied wisdom he saw further than his son whose corpse was not yet quite up to scratch. But to pass on to less melancholy matters, the name of the woman with whom I was soon to be united was Lulu. So at least she assured me and I cant see what interest she could have had in lying to me, on this score. Of course one can never tell. She also disclosed her family name, but Ive forgotten it. I should have made a note of it, on a piece of paper, I hate to forget a proper name. I met her on a bench, on the bank of the canal, one of the canals, for our town boasts two, though I never knew which was which. It was a well situated bench, backed by a mound of solid earth and garbage, so that my rear was covered. My flanks too, partially, thanks to a pair of venerable trees, more than venerable, dead, at either end of the bench. It was no doubt these trees one fine day, aripple with all their foliage, that had sown the idea of a bench, in someones fancy. To the fore, a few yards away, flowed the canal, if canals flow, dont ask me, so that from that quarter too the risk of surprise was small. And yet she surprised me. I lay stretched out, the night being warm, gazing up through the bare boughs interlocking high above me, where the trees clung together for support, and through the drifting cloud, at a patch of starry sky as it came and went. Shove up, she said. My first movement was to go, but my fatigue, and my having nowhere to go, dissuaded me from acting on it. So I drew back my feet a little way and she sat. Nothing more passed between us that evening and she soon took herself off, without another word. All she had done was sing, beneath her breath, as to herself, and without the words fortunately, some old folk songs, and so disjointedly, skipping from one to another and finishing none, that even I found it strange. The voice, though out of tune, was not unpleasant. It breathed of a soul too soon wearied ever to conclude, that perhaps least arse-aching soul of all. The bench itself was soon more than she could bear and as for me, one look had been enough for her. Whereas in reality she was a most tenacious woman. She came back next day and the day after and all went off more or less as before. Perhaps a few words were exchanged. The next day it was raining and I felt in security. Wrong again. I asked her if she was resolved to disturb me every evening. I disturb you? she said. I felt her eyes on me. They cant have seen much, two eyelids at the most, with a hint of nose and brow, darkly, because of the dark. I thought we were easy, she said. You disturb me, I said, I cant stretch out with you there. The collar of my greatcoat was over my mouth and yet she heard me. Must you stretch out? she said. The mistake one makes is to speak to people. You have only to put your feet on my knees, she said. I didnt wait to be asked twice, under my miserable calves I felt her fat thighs. She began stroking my ankles. I considered kicking her in the cunt. You speak to people about stretching out and they immediately see a body at full length. What mattered to me in my dispeopled kingdom, that in regard to which the disposition of my carcass was the merest and most futile of accidents, was supineness in the mind, the dulling of the self and of that residue of execrable frippery known as the non-self and even the world, for short. But man is still today, at the age of twenty-five, at the mercy of an erection, physically too, from time to time, its the common lot, even I was not immune, if that may be called an erection. It did not escape her naturally, women smell a rigid phallus ten miles away and wonder, How on earth did he spot me from there? One is no longer oneself, on such occasions, and it is painful to be no longer oneself, even more painful if possible than when one is. For when one is one knows what to do to be less so, whereas when one is not one is any old one irredeemably. What goes by the name of love is banishment, with now and then a postcard from the homeland, such is my considered opinion, this evening. When she had finished and my self been resumed, mine own, the mitigable, with the help of a brief torpor, it was alone. I sometimes wonder if that is not all invention, if in reality things did not take quite a different course, one I had no choice but to forget. And yet her image remains bound, for me, to that of the bench, not the bench by day, nor yet the bench by night, but the bench at evening, in such sort that to speak of the bench, as it appeared to me at evening, is to speak of her, for me. That proves nothing, but there is nothing I wish to prove. On the subject of the bench by day no words need be wasted, it never knew me, gone before morning and never back till dusk. Yes, in the daytime I foraged for food and marked down likely cover. Were you to inquire, as undoubtedly you itch, what I had done with the money my father had left me, the answer would be I had done nothing with it but leave it lie in my pocket. For I knew I would not be always young, and that summer does not last for ever either, nor even autumn, my mean soul told me so. In the end I told her Id had enough. She disturbed me exceedingly, even absent. Indeed she still disturbs me, but no worse now than the rest. And it matters nothing to me now, to be disturbed, or so little, what does it mean, disturbed, and what would I do with myself if I wasnt? Yes, Ive changed my system, its the winning one at last, for the ninth or tenth time, not to mention not long now, not long till curtain down, on disturbers and disturbed, no more tattle about that, all that, her and the others, the shitball and heavens high halls. So you dont want me to come any more, she said. Its incredible the way they repeat what youve just said to them, as if they risked faggot and fire in believing their ears. I told her to come just the odd time. I didnt understand women at that period. I still dont for that matter. Nor men either. Nor animals either. What I understand best, which is not saying much, are my pains. I think them through daily, it doesnt take long, thought moves so fast, but they are not only in my thought, not all. Yes, there are moments, particularlyin the afternoon, when I go all syncretist, a la Reinhold. What equilibrium! But even them, my pains, I understand ill. That must come from my not being all pain and nothing else. Theres the rub. Then they recede, or I, till they fill me with amase and wonder, seen from a better planet. Not often, but I ask no more. Catch-cony life! To be nothing but pain, how that would simplify matters! Omnidolent! Impious dream. Ill tell them to you some day none the less, if I think of it, if I can, my strange pains, in detail, distinguishing between the different kinds, for the sake of clarity, those of the mind, those of the heart or emotional conative, those of the soul (none prettier than these) and finally those of the frame proper, first the inner or latent, then those affecting the surface, beginning with the hair and scalp and moving methodicaLly down, without haste, all the way down to the feet beloved of the corn, the cramp, the kibe, the bunion, the hammer toe, the nail ingrown, the fallen arch, the common blain, the club foot, duck foot, goose foot, pigeon foot, flat foot, trench foot and other curiosities. And Ill tell by the same token, for those kind enough to listen, in accordance with a system whose inventor I forget, of those instants when, neither drugged, nor drunk, nor in ecstasy, one feels nothing. Next of course she desired to know what I meant by the odd time, thats what you get for opening your mouth. Once a week? Once in ten days? Once a fortnight? I replied less often, far less often, less often to the point of no more if she could, and if she could not the least often possible. And the next day (what is more) I abandoned the bench, less I must confess on her account that on its, for the site no longer answered my requirements, modest though they were, now that the air was beginning to strike chill, and for other reasons better not wasted on cunts like you, and took refuge in a deserted cowshed marked on one of my forays. It stood in the corner of a field richer on the surface in nettles than in grass and in mud than in nettles, but whose subsoil was perhaps possessed of exceptional qualities. It was in this byre, littered with dry and hollow cowclaps subsiding with a sigh at the poke of my finger, that for the first time in my life, and I would not hesitate to say the last if I had not to husband my cyanide, I had to contend with a feeling which gradually assumed, to my dismay, the dread name of love. What constitutes the charm of our country, apart of course from its scant population, and this without help of the meanest contraceptive, is that all is derelict, with the sole exception of historys ancient faeces. These are ardently soughtf after, stuffed and carried in procession. Wherever nauseated time has dropped anicefat turd you will find our patriots, sniffmg it up on all fours, their faces on fire. Elysium of the roofless. Hence my happiness at last. Lie down, all seems to say, lie down and stay down. I see no connexion between these remarks. But that one exists, and even more than one, I have little doubt, for my part. But what? Which? Yes, I loved her, its the name I gave, still give alas, to what I was doing then. I had nothing to go by, having never loved before, but of course had heard of the thing, at home, in school, in brothel and at church, and read romances, in prose and verse, under the guidance of my tutor, in six or seven languages, both dead and living, in which it was handled at length. I was therefore in a position, in spite of all, to put a label on what I was about when I found myself inscribing the letters of Lulu in an old heifer patyor flat on my face in the mud under the moon trying to tear up the nettles by the roots. They were giant nettles, some full three foot high, to tear them up assuaged my pain, and yet its not like me to do that to weeds, on the contrary, Id smother them in manure if I had any. Flowers are a diffierent matter. Love brings out the worst in man and no error. But what kind of love was this, exactly? Love-passion? Somehow I think not. Thats the priapic one, is it not? Or is this a different variety? There are so many, are there not? All equally if not more delicious, are they not? Platonic love, for example, theres anotherjust occurs to me. Its disinterested. Perhaps I loved her with a platonic love? But somehow I think not. Would I have been tracing her name in old cowshit if my love had been pure and disinterested? And with my devils finger into the bargain, which I then sucked. Come now! My thoughts were all of Lulu, if that doesnt give you some idea nothing will. Anyhow Im sick and tired of this name Lulu, Ill give her another, more like her, Anna for example, its not more like her but no matter. I thought of Anna then, I who had learnt to think of nothing, nothing except my pains, a quick think through, and of what steps to take not to perish oS-hand of hunger, or cold, or shame, but never on any account of living beings as such (I wonder what that means) whatever I may have said, or may still say, to the contrary or otherwise, on this subject. But I have always spoken, no doubt always shall, of things that never existed, or that existed if you insist, no doubt always will, but not with the existence I ascribe to them. Kepis, for example, exist beyond a doubt, indeed there is little hope of their ever disappearing, but personally I never wore a kepi. I wrote somewhere, They gave me … a hat. Now the truth is they never gave me a hat, I have always had my own hat, the one my father gave me, and I have never had any other hat than that hat. I may add it has followed me to the grave. I thought of Anna then, long long sessions, twenty minutes, twenty-five minutes and even as long as half an hour daily. I obtain these figures by the addition of other, lesser figures. That must have been my way of loving. Are we to infer from this I loved her with that intellectual love which drew from me such drivel, in another place? Somehow I think not. For had my love been of this kind would I have stooped to inscribe the letters of Anna in times forgotten cowplats? To divellicate urtica plenis manibus? And felt, under my tossing head, her thighs to bounce like so many demon bolsters? Come now! In order to put an end, to try and put an end, to this plight, I returned one evening to the bench, at the hour she had used to join me there. There was no sign of her and I waited in vain. It was December already, if notJanuary, and the cold was seasonable, that is to say reasonable, like all that is seasonable. But one is the hour of the dial, and another that of changing air and sky, and another yet again the hearts. To this thought, once back in the straw, I owed an excellent night. The next day I was earlier to the bench, much earlier, night having barely fallen, winter night, and yet too late, for she was there already, on the bench, under the boughs tinkling with rime, her back to the frosted mound, facing the icy water. I told you she was a highly tenacious woman. I felt nothing. What interest could she have in pursuing me thus? I asked her, without sitting down, stumping to and fro. The cold had embossed the path. She replied she didnt know. What could she see in me, would she kindly tell me that at least, if she could. She replied she couldnt. She seemed warmly clad, her hands buried in a muff. As I looked at this muff, I remember, tears came to my eyes. And yet I forget what colour it was. The state I was in then! I have always wept freely, without the least benefit to myself, till recently. If I had to weep this minute I could squeese till I was blue, Im convinced not a drop would fall. The state I am in nowl It was things made me weep. And yet I felt no sorrow. When I found myself in tears for no apparent reason it meant I had caught sight of something unbeknownst. So I wonder if it was really the muff that evening, if it was not rather the path, so iron hard and bossy as perhaps to feel like cobbles to my tread, or some other thing, some chance thing glimpsed below the threshold, that so unmanned me. As for her, I might as well never have laid eyes on her before. She sat all huddled and muffled up, her head sunk, the muff with her hands in her lap, her legs pressed tight together, her heels clear of the ground. Shapeless, ageless, almost lifeless, it might have been anything or anyone, an old woman or a little girl. And the way she kept on saying, I dont know, I cant. I alone did not know and could not. Is it on my account you came? I said. She managed yes to that. Well here I am, I said. And I? Had I not come on hers? Here we are, I said. I sat down beside her but sprang up again immediately as though scalded. I longed to be gone, to know if it was over. But before going, to be on the safe side, I asked her to sing me a song. I thought at first she was going to refuse, I mean simply not sing, but no, after a moment she began to sing and sang for some time, all the time the same song it seemed to me, without change of attitude. I did not know the song, I had never heard it before and shall never hear it again. It had something to do with lemon trees, or orange trees, I forget, that is all I remember, and for me that is no mean feat, to remember it had something to do with lemon trees, or orange trees, I forget, for of all the other songs I have ever heard in my life, and I have heard plenty, it being apparently impossible, physically impossible short of being deaf, to get through this world, even my way, without hearing singing, I have retained nothing, not a word, not a note, or so few words, so few notes, that, that what, that nothing, this sentence has gone on long enough. Then I started to go and as I went I heard her singing another song, or perhaps more verses of the same, fainter and fainter the further I went, then no more, either because she had come to an end or because I was gone too far to hear her. To have to harbour such a doubt was something I preferred to avoid, at that period. I lived of course in doubt, on doubt, but such trivial doubts as this, purely somatic as some say, were best cleared up without delay, they could nag at me like gnats for weeks on end. So I retraced my steps a little way and stopped. At first I heard nothing, then the voice again, but only just, so faintly did it carry. First I didnt hear it, then I did, I must therefore have begun hearing it, at a certain point, but no, there was no beginning, the sound emerged so softly from the silence and so resembled it. When the voice ceased at last I approached a little nearer, to make sure it had really ceased and not merely been lowered. Then in despair, saying, No knowing, no knowing, short of being beside her, bent over her, I turned on my heel and went, for good, full of doubt. But some weeks later, even more dead than alive than usual, I returned to the bench, for the fourth or fifth time since I had abandoned it, at roughly the same hour, I mean roughly the same sky, no, I dont mean that either, for its always the same sky and never the same sky, what words are there for that, none I know, period. She wasnt there, then suddenly she was, I dont know how, I didnt see her come, nor hear her, all ears and eyes though I was. Let us say it was raining, nothing like a change, if only of weather. She had her umbrella up, naturally, what an outfit. I asked if she came every evening. No, she said, just the odd time. The bench was soaking wet, we paced up and down, not daring to sit. I took her arm, out of curiosity, to see if it would give me pleasure, it gave me none, I let it go. But why these particulars. To put off the evil hour. I saw her face a little clearer, it seemed normal to me, a face like millions of others. The eyes were crooked, but I didnt know that till later. It looked neither young nor old, the face, as though stranded between the vernal and the sere. Such ambiguity I found difficult to bear, at that period. As to whether it was beautiful, the face, or had once been beautiful, or could conceivably become beautiful, I confess I could form no opinion. I had seen faces in photographs I might have found beautiful had I known even vaguely in what beauty was supposed to consist. And my fathers face, on his death-bolster, had seemed to hint at some form of aesthetics relevant to man. But the faces of the living, all grimace and flush, can they be described as objects? I admired in spite of the dark, in spite of my fluster, the way still or scarcely flowing water reaches up, as though athirst, to that falling from the sky. She asked if I would like her to sing something. I replied no, I would like her to say something. I thought she would say she had nothing to say, it would have been like her, and so was agreeably surprised when she said she had a room, most agreeably surprised, though I suspected as much. Who has not a room? Ah I hear the clamour. I have two rooms, she said. Just how many rooms do you have? I said. She said she had two rooms and a kitchen. The premises were expanding steadily, given time she would remember a bathroom. Is it two rooms I heard you say? I said. Yes, she said. Adjacent? I said. At last conversation worthy of the name. Separated by the kitchen, she said. I asked her why she had not told me before. I must have been beside myself, at this period. I did not feel easy when I was with her, but at least free to think of something else than her, of the old trusty things, and so little by little, as down steps towards a deep, of nothing. And I knew that away from her I would forfeit this freedom. There were in fact two rooms, separated by a kitchen, she had not lied to me. She said I should have fetched my things. I explained I had no things. It was at the top of an old house, with a view of the mountains for those who cared. She lit an oillamp. You have no current? I said. No, she said, but I have running water and gas. Ha, I said, you have gas. She began to undress. When at their wits end they undress, no doubt the wisest course. She took off everything, with a slowness fit to enflame an elephant, except her stockings, calculated presumably to bring my concupiscence to the boil. It was then I noticed the squint. Fortunately she was not the first naked woman to have crossed my path, so I could stay, I knew she would not explode. I asked to see the other room which I had not yet seen. If I had seen it already I would have asked to see it again. Will you not undress? she said. Oh you know, I said, I seldom undress. It was the truth, I was never one to undress indiscriminately. I often took offmy boots when I went to bed, I mean when I composed myself (composed!) to sleep, not to mention this or that outer garment according to the outer temperature. She was therefore obliged, out of common savoir faire, to throw on a wrap and light me the way. We went via the kitchen. We could just as well have gone via the corridor, as I realized later, but we went via the kitchen, I dont know why, perhaps it was the shorter way. I surveyed the room with horror. Such density of furniture defeats imagination. Not a doubt, I must have seen that room somewhere. Whats this? I cried. The parlour, she said. The parlour! I began putting out the furniture through the door to the corridor. She watched, in sorrow I suppose, but not necessarily. She asked me what I was doing. She cant have expected an answer. I put it out piece by piece, and even two at a time, and stacked it all up in the corridor, against the outer wall. They were hundreds of pieces, large and small, in the end they blocked the door, making egress impossible, and a fortiori ingress, to and from the corridor. The door could be opened and closed, since it opened inwards, but had become impassable. To put it wildly. At least take off your hat, she said. Ill treat of my hat some other time perhaps. Finally the room was empty but for a sofa and some shelves fixed to the wall. The former I dragged to the back of the room, near the door, and next day took down the latter and put them out, in the corridor, with the rest. As I was taking them down, strange memory, I heard the word fibrome, or brone, I dont know which, never knew, never knew what it meant and never had the curiosity to find out. The things one recalls! And records! When all was in order at last I dropped on the sofa. She had not raised her little finger to help me. Ill get sheets and blankets, she said. But I wouldnt hear of sheets. You couldnt draw the curtain? I said. The window was frosted over. The effiect was not white, because of the night, but faintly luminous none the less. This faint cold sheen, though I lay with my feet towards the door, was more than I could bear. I suddenly rose and changed the position of the sofa, that is to say turned it round so that the back, hitherto against the wall, was now on the outside and consequently the front, or way in, on the inside. Then I climbed back, like a dog into its basket. Ill leave you the lamp, she said, but I begged her to take it with her. And suppose you need something in the night, she said. She was going to start quibbling again, I could feel it. Do you know where the convenience is? she said. She was right, I was forgetting. To relieve oneself in bed is enjoyable at the time, but soon a source of discomfort. Give me a chamber-pot, I said. But she did not possess one. I have a close-stool of sorts, she said. I saw the grandmother on it, sitting up very stiff and grand, having just purchased it, pardon, picked it up, at a charity sale, or perhaps won it in a raffle, a period piece, and now trying it out, doing her best rather, almost wishing someone could see her. Thats the idea, procrastinate. Any old recipient, I said, I dont have the flux. She came back with a kind of saucepan, not a true saucepan for it had no handle, it was oval in shape with two lugs and a lid. My stewpan, she said. I dont need the lid, I said. You dont need the lid? she said. If I had said I needed the lid she would have said, You need the lid? I drew this utensil down under the blanket, I like something in my hand when sleeping, it reassures me, and my hat was still wringing. I turned to the wall. She caught up the lamp off the mantelpiece where she had set it down, thats the idea every particular, it flung her waving shadow over me, I thought she was oK, but no, she came stooping down towards me over the sofa back. All family possessions, she said. I in her shoes would have tiptoed away, but not she, not a stir. Already my love was waning, that was all that mattered. Yes, already I felt better, soon Id be up to the slow descents again, the long submersions, so long denied me through her fault. And I had only just moved in! Try and put me out now, I said. I seemed not to grasp the meaning of these words, nor even hear the brief sound they made, till some seconds after having uttered them. I was so unused to speech that my mouth would sometimes open, of its own accord, and vent some phrase or phrases, grammatically unexceptionable but entirely devoid if not of meaning, for on close inspection they would reveal one, and even several, at least of foundation. But I heard each word no sooner spoken. Never had my voice taken so long to reach me as on this occasion. I turned over on my back to see what was going on. She was smiling. A little later she went away, taking the lamp with her. I heard her steps in the kitchen and then the door of her room close behind her. Why behind her? I was alone at last, in the dark at last. Enough about that. I thought I was all set for a good night, in spite of the strange surroundings, but no, my night was most agitated. I woke next morning quite worn out, my clothes in disorder, the blanket likewise, and Anna beside me, naked naturally. One shudders to think of her exertions. I still had the stewpan in my grasp. It had not served. I looked at my member. If only it could have spoken! Enough about that. It was my night of love. Gradually I settled down, in this house. She brought my meals at the appointed hours, looked in now and then to see if all was well and make sure I needed nothing, emptied the stewpan once a day and did out the room once a month. She could not always resist the temptation to speak to me, but on the whole gave me no cause to complain. Sometimes I heard her singing in her room, the song traversed her door, then the kitchen, then my door, and in this way won to me, faint but indisputable. Unless it travelled by the corridor. This did not greatly incommode me, this occasional sound of singing. One day I asked her to bring me a hyacinth, live, in a pot. She brought it and put it on the mantelpiece, now the only place in my room to put things, unless you put them on the floor. Not a day passed without my looking at it. At first all went well, it even put forth a bloom or two, then it gave up and was soon no more than a limp stem hung with limp leaves. The bulb, half clear of the clay as though in search of oxygen, smelt foul. She wanted to remove it, but I told her to leave it. She wanted to get me another, but I told her I didnt want another. I was more seriously disturbed by other sounds, stifled giggles and groans, which filled the dwelling at certain hours of the night, and even of the day. I had given up thinking of her, quite given up, but still I needed silence, to live my life. In vain I tried to listen to such reasonings as that air is made to carry the clamours of the world, including inevitably much groan and giggle, I obtained no relie£ I couldnt make out if it was always the same gent or more than one. Lovers groans are so alike, and lovers giggles. I had such horror then of these paltry perplexities that I always fell into the same error, that of seeking to clear them up. It took me a long time, my lifetime so to speak, to realize that the colour of an eye half seen, or the source of some distant sound, are closer to Giudecca in the hell of unknowing than the existence of God, or the origins of protoplasm, or the existence of self, and even less worthy than these to occupy the wise. Its a bit much, a lifetime, to achieve this consoling conclusion, it doesnt leave you much time to profit by it. So a fat lot of help it was when, having put the question to her, I was told they were clients she received in rotation. I could obviously have got up and gone to look through the keyhole. But what can you see, I ask you, through holes the likes of those? So you live by prostitution, I said. We live by prostitution, she said. You couldnt ask them to make less noise? I said, as if I believed her. I added, Or a diSerent kind of noise. They cant help but yap and yelp, she said. Ill have to leave, I said. She found some old hangings in the family junk and hung them before our doors, hers and mine. I asked her if it would not be possible, now and then, to have a parsnip. A parsnip! she cried, as if I had asked for a dish of sucking Jew. I reminded her that the parsnip season was fast drawing to a close and that if, before it finally got there, she could feed me nothing but parsnips Id be grateful. I like parsnips because they taste like violets and violets because they smell like parsnips. Were there no parsnips on earth violets would leave me cold and if violets did not exist I would care as little for parsnips as I do for turnips, or radishes. And even in the present state of their flora, I mean on this planet where parsnips and violets contrive to coexist, I could do without both with the utmost ease, the uttermost ease. One day she had the impudence to announce she was with child, and four or five months gone into the bargain, by me of all people! She offered me a side view of her belly. She even undressed, no doubt to prove she wasnt hiding a cushion under her skirt, and then of course for the pure pleasure of undressing. Perhaps its just wind, I said, by way of consolation. She gazed at me with her big eyes whose colour I forget, with one big eye rather, for the other seemed riveted on the remains of the hyacinth. The more naked she was the more cross-eyed. Look, she said, stooping over her breasts, the haloes are darkening already. I summoned up my remaining strength and said, Abort, abort, and theyll blush like new. She had drawn back the curtain for a clear view of all her rotundities. I saw the mountain, impassible, cavernous, secret, where from morning to night Id hear nothing but the wind, the curlews, the clink like distant silver of the stone-cutters hammers. Id come out in the daytime to the heather and gorse, all warmth and scent, and watch at night the distant city lights, if I chose, and the other lights, the lighthouses and lightships my father had named for me, when I was small, and whose names I could find again, in my memory, if I chose, that I knew. From that day forth things went from bad to worse, to worse and worse. Not that she neglected me, she could never have neglected me enough, but the way she kept plaguing me with our child, exhibiting her belly and breasts and saying it was due any moment, she could feel it lepping already. If its lepping, I said, its not mine. I might have been worse off than I was, in that house, that was certain, it fell short of my ideal naturally, but I wasnt blind to its advantages. I hesitated to leave, the leaves were falling already, I dreaded the winter. One should not dread the winter, it too has its bounties, the snow gives warmth and deadens the tumult and its pale days are soon over. But I did not yet know, at that time, how tender the earth can be for those who have only her and how many graves in her giving, for the living. What finished me was the birth. It woke me up. What that infant must have been going through! I fancy she had a woman with her, I seemed to hear steps in the kitchen, on and off. It went to my heart to leave a house without being put out. I crawled out over the back of the sofa, put on my coat, greatcoat and hat, I can think of nothing else, laced up my boots and opened the door to the corridor. A mass of junk barred my way, but I scrabbled and barged my way through it in the end, regardless of the datter. I used the word marriage, it was a kind of union in spite of all. Precautions would have been superfluous, there was no competing with those cries. It must have been her first. They pursued me down the stairs and out into the street. I stopped before the house door and listened. I could still hear them. If I had not known there was crying in the house I might not have heard them. But knowing it I did. I was not sure where I was. I looked among the stars and constellations for the Wains, but could not find them. And yet they must have been there. My father was the first to show them to me. He had shown me others, but alone, without him beside me, I could never find any but the Wains. I began playing with the cries, a little in the same way as I had played with the song, on, back, on, back, if that may be called playing. As long as I kept walking I didnt hear them, because of the footsteps. But as soon as I halted I heard them again, a little fainter each time, admittedly, but what does it matter, faint or loud, cry is cry, all that matters is that it should cease. For years I thought they would cease. Now I dont think so any more. I could have done with other loves perhaps. But there it is, either you love or you dont. [ End ]

No products in the cart. So the baby shower is over and her due date is almost here. You would like to do something to help the new mom-to-be, but you don’t want to intrude during those first few trying yet blissful weeks. She’s loaded up with 2 of everything that was on her registry plus plenty of things that weren’t. You think to yourself…what can I do to help but not overstep? The important thing to do is to focus on mom and what she needs and wants. Here are a few ideas we came up with that should help take some stress off momma. - The freezer is filled with casseroles, and that’s great, but what about easy snack food for mom. She’s not always going to have time to fix something for herself but we all know its’s important to keep mom hydrated and well nourished, especially if she is nursing. Fresh fruit is a great option. It’s easy to eat, refreshing and fights constipation (a common side effect after birth). Bring her a big bowl of strawberries, blueberries or her favorite fruits. Squeeze some fresh lemon juice over the fruit to help keep it from browning. Cheese cubes, string cheese, roasted nuts, granola, veggies and dip, hummus and mini muffins are some other great foods that can easily be eaten when you only have one hand available! - Give mom a “lazy day kit.” Instead of getting overwhelmed with dishes and diapers, give her a package of recycled, disposable utensils, paper plates, napkins, paper towels, disposable diapers and wipes. Even if she is one of the greenest people you know, give her your permission to use them guilt-free! She’ll need a break eventually! - The new baby gets spoiled with tons of gifts so why not give mom a special gift. A soft and fluffy new bathrobe, pretty pajamas or a nursing accessible shirt or dress. Wearing new pretty things makes every woman feel better. Give her one of your favorite books or a gift card for her Kindle. Out of Ideas? Check her Pinterest or Amazon accounts for wish list items such as jewelry, handmade lotions, soaps and candles. - Hydration is often a forgotten piece of the food train but it can be a creative new treat for mom. There are a million new smoothie recipes out there, surprise her with a couple new ones a week, this is a treat for mom and gives her essential nutrients she needs. Fresh squeezed juice, sparkling water or lemonade are all good ideas too, but don’t forget she may want to feel like a normal human being again so a cold beer or bottle of wine are great options as well! - Gift certificates for a massage, mani/pedi, chiro adjustment, haircut and style or a house cleaning. Most likely they will sit somewhere and not get used….unless you offer to go with mom! She won’t want to hire a babysitter and leave her baby at home. Knowing baby is with someone she trusts just a few feet from her in case she is needed will really help her relax! What unique ideas have you given a new mom? We’d love to hear your ideas!

Jerry has been talking about Sam for so long!!! and this discussion has put words on so many intuitions i could not make sense with! I now feel profoundly transformed and moved. 1. talking about sex, can be a way of making (some) love. If you remember Sasha, my Tantra teacher, she said something like “existence is a love making process“. There is a lot of stuff at the moment about sexuality, especially feminine, but I think we forget the benevolence that is necessary to have “good” sex. consent is fucking sexy! When I see these 2 friends talking, so freely, with so much listening for each other, humanly, but also as a man and a woman … even … as a penis and a vagina, cause’… they are people too !!! I find it just wonderful. Frustration, suffering, fear … we are so many to be or to have been totally lost on the question of sex. and I find it necessary to hear and see a “positive” possibility around sex. 2. Educational corollary I read a book on education (for little boys but the advice applies to everyone): from the age of 10, parents must talk about sex to their children! words such as masturbation, orgasm, making love, but also incest, rape, should be part of everyday conversations at home. put words on an experience, without going into private details of course, but to signify that it is not a taboo (1st sign of a latent repression), to talk about their sovereignty in their relationship to their body (as Jerry told us). but above all to share, welcome, “raise” children, with humor, the respect and the maturity necessary for them to flourish in their sexual life. better understanding and practicing sex is a necessity from puberty (well ok, except if you want to dedicate your life to meditation), and if you do not take care of the sex education of your children, they will look for it in pornography or probably equally uneducated friends. indeed. so shall we stop breaking the long sticks that your son puts between the legs, shall we stop saying that pussies are disgusting? shall we welcome, celebrate, and laugh together! 3. because yes sex is a wider emanation of « being » As Sam says, the question is not how to suck “a” cock but to know who you suck … ohlalala, to write it, it makes me funny, but go let’s go! thus it is the whole being who engages in a sexual relationship. So even if it’s with a sex buddy, do it with love, respect, kindness, understanding, and you can go much further. much wilder. everything is a question of connection. with oneself and with the other. 4. the question of universality and singularity I found in Sam, a very clear path, and that reassured me regarding these possible tensions when questing as a “human” and a “woman” (or a man), inclusion versus separation. identities are so complex. the goal is certainly to create an existence that connects us to a human experience, and that we all have unique paths to achieve it. so, all my questions “as a woman” never aim to separate me from “men”, “2-spirit” or other women who have different paths etc, but to join them, who walk the same way in their singularity. each path is different but the intention, certainly can be universal. I hope this new OUT OF BOX helps you to walk. share it with those you love, discuss and leave me a com !!! a thousand kisses

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A HIGH school teacher has appeared briefly in a Perth court today charged with 48 child sex offences. The 34-year-old Canning Vale woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was employed at a metropolitan high school when the abuse was alleged to have happened. Police issued a statement in September which said they had charged the woman with 12 child sex offences relating to one female student. The incidents were alleged to have happened between 2015 and this year when the girl was aged between 15 and 17 years old. During a short hearing in the Perth Magistrate’s Court today, the woman’s lawyer, Mark Andrews, said the woman was now facing an extra 36 charges. The case was adjourned and the woman’s bail was renewed on a $5000 personal undertaking. She is also required to comply to several strict conditions, including that she surrender her passport and not contact the alleged victims or be unsupervised around children under 16 years old.

Tips for Parenting with Limited Use of One Hand When I was pregnant with my daughter, I spent a lot of time agonising over how I would physically care for her. Babies are needy, wriggly, fiddly things. Even if they didn’t move (which, they do), they’re still a lot more weight than I’m used to carrying around. Generally, I’m used to my right arm (which is not affected by my CP) doing all the heavy lifting. My left arm – my CP arm – can be a bit of a princess. And that’s okay. Until you’re dealing with a baby, and you can’t swing a baby under your right arm. So, during pregnancy, I did a deep-dive into the Internet trying to find hacks for disabled parents. Unsurprisingly, but really, disappointingly, most of what I found online was for the parents of disabled kids. That’s not a bad thing in and of itself. The parents of disabled kids should get the chance to chat and help each other out. But I kept butting into walls. I began to feel like my existence, as a pregnant disabled woman, was almost inconceivable. And yet, there I was, living and breathing, disabled and pregnant. Disabled people are the most skilled adapters. Often, the world fails to be accommodating, so disabled people are forced to work out their own way of doing things. Despite a lifetime of doing just this, the prospect of not only my life but the life of someone else being reliant on Scarlett’s adaptive techniques, was terrifying. Fortunately, in the smaller corners of the Internet, I did find some disabled parents sharing their very valuable expertise. So, it was reassuring to learn, I wasn’t the first pregnant disabled woman and I certainly wasn’t going to be the last. I wrote, Breastfeeding with Hemiplegia, in the hope that at least one parent-to-be without full use of both hands might read it, and feel that breastfeeding could be possible. Disabled people are the most skilled adapters, but when you know that something has been done before, it feels all the more achievable. So, today, I am going to list some products and tips that I found made parenting more accessible. Before that, I want to stress that me finding these products accessible doesn’t make them accessible for all disabled people. Hopefully, at the very least, they can help you to think through what you have to consider before your baby is born. Moreover, I want to make clear that it is okay to ask for help with meeting your child’s needs. You can’t do it all, and that is what it is. I am the eldest of an all-girl family and have done my fair share of babysitting. Buggy-buying can be as grand and varied as car-buying. One of my younger sisters had a buggy so heavy that I had to contend with her weight and the weight of the buggy. This was particularly painstaking when we needed to cross the road and there was no slope in the pavement. My lifting skills have never been something to behold. The YOYO was recommended to me because it is super light and nibble. Using it, I only really have to contend with my child’s weight: I don’t also have to struggle with the weight of the buggy itself. I have shocked myself by being able to lift the YOYO up two steps – something I wouldn’t have dreamed of when I was pregnant. One downside to the YOYO is that the buckle is quite tricky. You have to hold both pieces at once and then push it in place. It was really important for me to be able to use a baby-carrier, as I wanted to be able to travel beyond walking distance. I cannot drive. I have a hard time lifting a car-seat, so I wouldn’t be taking taxis anywhere. Public transport, specifically the tube, has always been my legs-beyond-legs. But I cannot carry a pram up and down the steps to a tube. Many parents find themselves turning to baby-wearing because it is the easiest way to move about with a content baby. I did some research. I came across a video of a mother putting on a Najell baby-carrier with only one hand. The greatest plus of the Najell is that it has magnetic buckles. This completely takes out the stress of trying to do and undo buckles, something I find challenging, even without simultaneously having to sooth and bop a baby. The magnetic buckles also have togs on them, making them even more user-friendly. There is one buckle at the back that needs to be clipped, but it is so chunky that it is not fiddly at all. I did a few at-home practices before we went anywhere, but this product turned out to be incredibly useful. Products That Weren’t So Useful I bought a band that essentially strapped my daughter to me whilst I was sitting. This was so that I could be handsfree whilst my daughter felt “held”. It was useful for when she was sitting up, but the older she got, the more curious she became, and with curiosity, comes grabby-hands. So, soon enough, she was on my lap but grabbing everything she possibly could – and I wasn’t handsfree, as my hands were busy taking everything she grabbed out of her hands. For a time, I owned a changing mat with straps. It was meant to hold down the baby’s arms so that they didn’t try to escape as you changed their nappy. However, it was too much effort to wrangle my daughter into the changing mat. The easiest way to get a baby to be compliant for nappy-changing, which is something I definitely need (nappies are FiDdLy), is to have something to distract them. Whether that’s a toy, a chat, or the television. Baby clothes can be extremely fiddly. When I was pregnant, I practiced dressing a doll. I knew the tiny poppers would fill me with dread. Dolls are not like babies. Babies writhe and get cross and want milk. However, it did help my left hand to practice being more dexterous than it was used to being. Moreover, I’d advocate for steering away from fiddling clothes (no matter how pretty) and opting for clothes you can pull on and off. Clothes that have minimal complicated fastenings. Being forced to be more dexterous on a fed-up baby’s time doesn’t help anyone. It made my fingers stiff and painful. Family and friends can get carried away with clothes shopping. My daughter has outfits I’ve passed straight on to other people because it would just be too stressful to get them on her. Loved ones are unlikely to look at baby clothes and immediately see the tiny buttons or the awkwardly placed zipper, but you can ask them to be mindful of your body’s limitations. My daughter is only two so we have plenty more of being limited by Mummy’s body to come. And that’s okay. We’ll adapt. We’ll work it out. Spoiler alert: Disabled people have sex and sex can lead to babies. Hence, disabled pregnant people. I have limited use of my left hand, poor balance, and general weakness. Click here for the full run-down of what my disability entails. Note: more accessible public transport please!

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Please read our Terms and Conditions. Either way, you will be given insight on the call as to your next best steps. My services may be covered under your insurance provider, you need to ask them if they cover services by a Registered Holistic Nutritionist (RHN). My program comes with a 14-day money-back guarantee. If you are not satisfied with the results you are experiencing after 14 days of implementation and feel this program is not a good fit for you, you will be refunded. This includes any cancelled sessions. MONEY BACK GUARANTEE Can you relate to this story? Let me introduce you to a woman who loves spending time with her family and friends and serving her community. She also enjoys cooking , trying new recipes and eating good tasting food. However, once her children got older and she passed the age of 40 years, she started suffering energy crashes. Her digestion was off. 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This is a slower, more gentle approach, but incorporates all that needs to change to optimize our health.” Group Coaching Client "I had the privilege of working with Luana over a 6 month period. She provided me with valuable coaching not only with better nutrition, but a whole approach on self care, from exercise, to better sleep patterns. My energy levels and stamina have increased greatly, the effects of stress on my body have lessened and I am sleeping much better. Luana was such a joy to work with. She was always approachable, encouraging and set attainable goals. For those of you who are struggling with fatigue, I would highly recommend her!" Private Coaching Client

Waiting To Miscarry Is it truly better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? It took me a long time to write this blog post (as you can tell from my last post being published in January!), but I couldn’t write it before I was ready. I’m finally ready. I know many people won’t understand my openness about sharing something so personal online for all to read, but for me, sharing this experience is healing for me and I do hope it helps others going through similar experiences. Just a heads up, this post is rather long (a 45 minute read) and deals with sensitive topics. Okay, enough stalling, here we go – After Evan and I tied the knot in June 2018, we flew off to England and Scotland for a trip gifted to us by a dear friend. We made a brief stop in London to attend a conference on Men’s Issues (the topic of my last documentary). Then, we swung by Stonehenge, dreamt of the alternate universe where we live in Bath (my spirit city), and partied like locals in Edinburgh, Scotland (Panda & Sons: we’ll be back!). We ended our UK road trip in Lancaster and then finally Slough. I’ve never been more horrified than the night I spent in Slough, but that’s a different blog post (for any fans of the supernatural). We then waved the United Kingdom goodbye and found ourselves back on our porch swing in San Anselmo, California, counting our grey eyebrow hairs. Life was good, but we weren’t getting any younger and my 32-year-old eggs were constantly telling me what time it was. YES, I KNOW! Thank you, eggs. Evan and I had never been more ready to start growing our family, but as it turns out, our preferred timelines mean nothing to Mother Nature. You’re ready when she says you’re ready! Why? Because she said so! Yes, Mother… A few months went by and we still weren’t pregnant. Our house seemed so empty since our kitty, Nala, passed in May. Since our human baby was on-hold, fur-babies were definitely the next best thing. Enter: Dinah and Gigi, sisters who were born and abandoned the same week our Nala passed, and were saved by the Berkeley Humane Society on our wedding day! It was meant to be. That was August. In September, I flew to Canada to speak at The University of Calgary about my film, The Red Pill. A few days later I flew to Dallas, Texas, to be interviewed on the Glenn Beck Show. After I got home, I was sick in bed with the worst flu I’d had in years! As soon as I got better, my mom, who is also my producing partner, came to visit me and we came up with the topic of our next feature documentary! It was a doozy. Likely another “career suicide” mission. The topic was postmodernism (in the political sense, not the style of art and architecture). It generally hurt my head to read about it, but our research led us to find that it’s related to other ideas that would be very useful to explore at this point in time: individualism vs collectivism, anarchy vs totalitarianism, capitalism vs socialism, the Bill of Rights, free speech, due process, stoicism, and other ideas and ideals that should be examined in order to either remind us why we should value them or show us why they’re outdated for modern times. Of course, these topics are being thoroughly discussed and debated in academia, as well as in many books, essays and news articles, but not yet in documentary form. If this topic angers you, then I need to clarify: I don’t have a stance on postmodernism, and SPOILER ALERT = this film isn’t happening. So, please put down your pitchfork. Back to September. After my mom and I committed to this film topic, we immediately got to work on budget spreadsheets and lining up potential interviewees, when all of a sudden – Boom! I’m pregnant. About 20 home pregnancy tests confirmed it to be true and my body immediately started changing. I was overjoyed by the news. My husband was… well…. a bit stunned. Working towards getting pregnant is one thing, but once you’re pregnant, you realize the next step is working towards planning the rest of your life as a parent! It’s a lot to take in. My overachiever-self was thrilled to have been given this challenge. I was like, “I got this! I’m going to declutter our entire house, design the nursery, green-light every home improvement project my husband and I have ever discussed, work on a new feature documentary, AND quit caffeine cold turkey (while finding out how dependent I am on coffee) all in the first few weeks of being preggers! Woo hoo, let’s go!” I can’t say that was the wrong approach, but it probably wasn’t the best approach. You’ll later find out why. The first few weeks of pregnancy were total bliss, besides the debilitating fatigue, constipation, nausea and frequent peeing. I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks (yup, apparently I was pregnant while I was in Calgary and Dallas). At 5 weeks I told my mom and sister, and at 6 weeks we told our closest friends. We didn’t mean for the news to get out so soon, but my mom was wanting to make plans for the new documentary that wouldn’t work with my pregnancy, and the reason we told our friends so early was because we were at a halloween party and one of my friends magically guessed that I was pregnant! She shouted at me from across the room, “Are you pregnant?!”, and I couldn’t lie, it was written all over my face – or it was the cookie crumbs all over my face. Truthfully, I was happy for everyone to know so that I could ask them questions and have them be excited with me. To this day, I can’t remember being happier than that one month of pregnant bliss. My last day of bliss was October 25, a Thursday. I remember cleaning out my closet to donate boat loads of clothes to free up space for the baby that I believed was arriving in 7 months. 4:00PM rolled around and I remember having this overwhelming yearning for sunshine. I live in a woodsy area and since it was Fall, the sun was setting earlier and earlier. I had to literally get in my car and drive to chase the sun before it set. I drove for about 10 miles until I found a grassy knoll high above the trees facing West. I sat there with the sun blanketing my eyelids. I soaked up every ounce I could while thinking of my growing baby. I sat there alone until a car drove up behind mine and out came what appeared to be a mother and her teenage daughter. The mom was taking photos of the girl in front of the sunset. The daughter would strike a dozen poses and then they’d review the images on the mom’s camera. It wasn’t odd to me because my mom and I did the exact same thing when I was in high school. I was in acting classes and for years my mom took all of my headshots for me. I heard the mom and daughter laughing and I’d look over my shoulder every once in a while to see their smiles. I thought of the sacrifices my mom made to have me, to care for me, to protect me and teach me. I thought of how much love I have for this unborn baby inside me and I thought of how much my mom must love me! I recognized that I could not imagine the range of emotions my mom has felt to get to this point of having two adult daughters, but I couldn’t wait to find out what it’s like to get to that point. The mother and daughter left and I watched the sun finally set and a full moon rise. That night, I heard from my mom that my paternal grandpa was in the hospital. Five of the arteries to his heart were blocked and he’d be having quintuple bypass surgery. This was my last living grandpa and the sweetest man in the World. Since I’m a chronic Googler, I found out that while open heart surgery is now fairly common, the death rate is 1-3%. Because the surgery is so common, that’s a lot of deaths! I learned that most (4 out of 5) open heart surgeries are “on-pump”, which means they stop the person’s heart and have a machine pumping their blood while the surgeon operates, then they (hopefully) start the heart beating again. As you can imagine, I was terrified. The very next morning was the beginning of the end. I started bleeding. It was peach-colored. My first prenatal appointment wasn’t for another few days, but I called and they had me come in right away. It was a Friday and my husband was working, so I was alone. The nurse came to see me and wheeled in a transvaginal ultrasound machine. She told me it’s a little early. According to the first day of my last period, I was only 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant, but the bleeding alarmed her enough to have a look. I remember being sad that my husband wasn’t there for the baby’s first ultrasound, but I didn’t have any other negative emotions besides that. I had already Googled enough to know that a little bleeding during pregnancy is usually normal (but the thing about Google is: whatever you want to believe, Google will find a way to support that belief). The nurse said she could see the gestational sac, but not the yolk sac, apparently not good news. She said that based on the measurement of my gestational sac, I was only 5 weeks along in my pregnancy, not almost 7 weeks like we thought. This was confusing, but the nurse and I both shrugged it off as simply my baby being younger than we thought and it’d be too soon to see a yolk sac on an ultrasound anyways. The nurse did find that I had a yeast infection, a common and low-risk infection likely caused by my hormones fluctuating from the pregnancy and perhaps having too much sugar (I had an awful lot of fruit smoothies the previous few weeks). She concluded that this infection could be the cause of the spotting. We agreed that I wouldn’t take medication for it since most of the pills/creams can cause birth defects, so I was prescribed to “wait it out”. I had some bloodwork done and was sent on my way. The next morning, Saturday, I woke up to a call from the bloodwork lab telling me that my results came back and my hCG (the pregnancy hormone) was registering high enough where they should have seen a yolk sac on my ultrasound but didn’t. She told me that I could have an ectopic pregnancy, which is when the fertilized egg never made it to the uterus, but it’s growing in a fallopian tube. If it grows there, it could rupture and potentially kill me. She urged me to go to the emergency room right away where they could do more extensive testing to find out where my baby was growing. I called my husband who was working on a film set at the time. He told his coworkers he had to go to be with me in the ER and they were all supportive. My husband and I spent the next 6 hours in the emergency room and it just so happened that my grandpa was having open heart surgery at a hospital a few states away. As my husband slept in the chair beside me, I laid on the medical bed, listening to the rhythmic beeps of medical equipment, the hurried foot steps in the hallways, and the automatic doors opening and closing for the new visitors and those who’ve graduated. I was either growing new life or potentially losing mine. There was no third option in my mind. A needle, two wands, lots of wand goop and one catheter later, I graduated and was released to the fresh air and sun setting yet again. All I learned was: I didn’t have a urinary tract infection, they couldn’t see my baby in either Fallopian tube, there still wasn’t a yolk sac visible, and my hCG levels were still rising. I was pregnant with a missing person. I was ordered to relax and have another ultrasound on Monday. On Sunday, I took a break from navel-gazing when I found out my grandpa’s open heart surgery went better than expected. They never stopped his heart; he got the “off-pump” operation where they kept his heart beating the entire time! I was overjoyed. It’s not his time to go. Enjoyed some relief until – Monday arrived. I still had the yeast infection and I had another ultrasound appointment with a different nurse. My husband went with me and it was the most ridiculous experience I’ve ever had at a medical facility, ever. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but here’s the short version: She did a transvaginal ultrasound and vaguely saw a little something in the gestational sac, possibly my baby…? When she went to take a screenshot of it, the ultrasound machine died. Like, all power, gone! Here’s where it gets weird. She left the wand in me while she tried turning the machine off and on again. Nothing. Then, she proceeded to crawl on the floor to unplug and replug it into the wall, all while her hand was stiffly holding the wand which was twisting and jabbing inside off me! A painful experience for any woman, but certainly made worse by my yeast infection. To paint a picture, this woman was probably in her mid-50s, she had white, frizzy, long, tangled hair and her energy would make Tigger exhausted. She acted like she was on speed and had ADHD. She spoke a mile a minute, she couldn’t focus and she wouldn’t let me speak. While she was crawling on the floor and twisting the wand in me, I cried out in pain and she reacted as though she thought I was getting a leg cramp. She grabbed my thigh and started thrashing it around like a helicopter propeller. I gently explained to her that, no, it wasn’t my leg, it was her hand haphazardly swinging around the wand that was causing the pain. The machine never started working again, and she proceeded to tell me that I most certainly miscarried and that I must cry and mourn this loss. I looked at her dumbfounded because I didn’t see enough information from that broken ultrasound to tell me I miscarried. All I felt was anger at her unprofessional behavior and I certainly didn’t trust her medical opinion about my baby. She kept pressing for me to cry, which I ended up doing out of pressure, then she got 4 inches from my husband’s face and asked him if he cries. He said “not often” and she sternly told him that he needs to cry and she left the room. A million other weird things happened, like her telling us she only treats her children with homeopathy and she only practices Western Medicine because it pays her bills. Ooookay…? After she left the room, I used the hand sanitizer that was on the wall and looked at my husband like we have got to get out of here! Then, she stormed back in with a huge tube of vaginal cream, grabbed my hand and proceeded to squeeze the cream all over my hand and rub it in like she was giving me a hand massage. I guess in an effort to show me how to use it or something…? I had no idea why she did that, but at this point, I didn’t need to just wash my hands, I needed a shower. If my entire miscarriage journey had defined stages of grief, this is when I entered the anger stage. I was fuming inside. I was angry at her, I was angry at the situation, I was angry at the World. That night I found myself Googling dangerously. I found one mommy blogger who touted the evils of ultrasounds and how the radiation can harm your developing baby, especially in the 1st trimester. That led me to read the sources she used to support her claims and I became fixated on this. I began to believe my baby was always fine, it was just young and too small to see on an ultrasound yet, and I started to wonder if these repeat ultrasounds were harming my otherwise healthy baby! I was in denial and the next day I entered the bargaining stage of grief. It was Tuesday and I had yet another appointment. This time with a full-blown OB/GYN, Dr. Byer. She happened to be the same OB/GYN that very professionally cared for me at the ER on Saturday. When I saw her I immediately broke down in tears. I was so happy to see her friendly, familiar face and I was so exhausted from my pendulum-swinging emotions. I saw that she had the transvaginal ultrasound machine ready to go and I told her that I had 3 blood draws and 4 ultrasounds in just 5 days. I couldn’t do it anymore! I was worried about my baby having so many ultrasounds in such a short amount of time and always ending with no new information. I refused to do another ultrasound! She saw my anger, pain and sadness, and she likely saw my denial before I did. She affirmed that I had been through a lot and I didn’t have to do the ultrasound today if I didn’t want to. I then cried out of happiness. However, she told me that she’s still worried about where the baby is growing because my hCG levels continue to rise as if I’m growing the baby normally. She told me that she wants to see me in 3 days for another ultrasound and she thoroughly reassured me about the safety of ultrasounds. I understood I was still in danger of ectopic pregnancy, so I agreed. She told me if I have any pain at all, I must immediately go to the ER because it could mean that my fallopian tube ruptured and the internal bleeding could be fatal. I left that appointment feeling like I bargained effectively. A silly thing to think, but it was the first time I felt like I had any control over the situation. The next day was October 31, Halloween, and I was ordered to get more bloodwork done to monitor my hCG. My husband and I were planning to go out to breakfast and then to the lab, but the moment I stepped out of the car I doubled over in pain. I was screaming like I had been stabbed and the knife was continually twisting. Back in the ER. I felt like a child on the medical bed. I was eyeing the bowls of candy and watching the nurses and doctors walk by in their clever, friendly, or frightening costumes. A bumble bee would walk by, then a witch. The vampire drawing blood amused me. I had acted like a child the previous day by refusing the ultrasound and look where it got me. I finally realized I needed to accept the facts: the bleeding, the confusion over how far along my pregnancy was, the lack of a yolk sac when my hCG levels were saying a yolk sac should be seen, and now the undeniable physical pain. I needed to stop blaming others like the crazy wand-flinging nurse, or things like the ultrasound machines. I needed to accept that something wasn’t right with my body and something wasn’t right with my baby. In the ER for the second time, I had all the same tests and all the same results: pregnant with a missing person. A new OB/GYN came to reveal my unsurprising results. He told me he specializes in miscarriages, he’s seen every different way that a miscarriage can happen and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that that is what’s happening. They say you can’t give someone a message they’re not ready to receive. I got the message. For the next few days, I laid on my couch watching every 90s chick flick I could (thank you, Nora Ephron). I also got sucked into a mind-numbing Canadian reality show called Cupcake Girls. In between my wallowing and crying spells, I wanted to be in a mindless trance looking at something pretty. Turns out cupcakes are very pleasing to the eye. Of course, I couldn’t totally check out, I wanted to know what I was in for. After all, I was in the worst stage of my pregnancy thus far: I was waiting to miscarry. It’s a horrible stage, especially for someone who has not had a miscarriage before and hasn’t even had a successful pregnancy before. I had nothing to go off of. I had no idea what my body would do, what it would feel like and I had no idea if it’d be normal or abnormal. I was flying blind. First thing I did was… can you guess? Google! Of course. I Googled what to expect when miscarrying naturally (as opposed to surgically, which I’ll go into later) and sure enough I found some message boards that gave me an idea. Many of the women said it was like a mini-home birthing experience. They reported extreme abdominal pain, contractions (since your body does have to open up the birth canal, even for a tiny 2 month old fetus), sometimes vomiting, nausea, some had diarrhea, some nearly fainted… it wasn’t looking good. One woman explained how she was having extreme pain and took a hot shower to soothe the pain. She ended up miscarrying in the shower, which frightened her to see the amount of blood, but she was happy there was “less clean up” (her words, not mine). Although, she did pick up her miscarried baby and saved it for burial. This was a common talking point among the women in the forums: What to do with the miscarried baby? The most common regret I read from these women online was regretting that they flushed it down the toilet before considering saving it for a more thoughtful goodbye. So many women said that was their biggest regret, not giving their miscarried child a proper memorial. Other women spoke about trying to miscarry naturally at home, but after bleeding and cramping for 3 or 4 weeks it still wasn’t over and they were missing work and trips and holidays and they couldn’t keep waiting. They ended up having what’s called a D&C, otherwise known as the abortion procedure, where they dilate your cervix and then scrape out the remaining fetal tissue. (I’m sorry to be so graphic, but that is literally what it is and how it’s described in medical books.) Some women in the forums said that they adamantly did not want a D&C, either because of their religious beliefs, the connotation, or because it goes on your medical record as having had an abortion. Other women said they had no choice, that they weren’t able to miscarry naturally and the doctor told them that a D&C had to be done, otherwise the leftover pregnancy tissue could cause fertility problems later on. Other women in the forums were fully on board with having a D&C and elected to do it before even trying to miscarry naturally. They said it helped them move on faster and get back to normal life rather than having it drag out indefinitely. I read that some natural miscarriages can last up to 2 months! I couldn’t imagine bleeding and cramping for months while knowing that the end result would be the same – my baby would be gone and I’d have to pick up the pieces of my life. But I also really didn’t want a D&C. I feel I should provide a full disclaimer here because some people will be wondering about my own personal beliefs: I am pro-choice for 1st trimester abortions or if the mother’s life is physically threatened at any stage before giving birth. I am pro-choice because I believe that outlawing abortion will not make abortions stop, it would just make them extremely unsafe. At the same time, if I had an unplanned pregnancy I would not choose to have an abortion. I know it’s not an easy choice for any woman to make. What I would like to see happen is more progress made in preventing unplanned pregnancies so that fewer women are in the position to have to make that choice. While I’m doing disclaimers, I’d also like to address language. I know that some pro-choicers do not like zygotes or fetuses being referred to as babies. While I am pro-choice, I also support a woman’s right to choose how to refer to the baby/ person/ human/ fetus/ zygote/ lump of cells/ clump of cells/ tissue/ products of conception, etc growing inside of her. Feel free to share in the comments why you disagree. Moving on… I read more women’s miscarriage stories online and prepared myself for the worst, which in my opinion was trying to miscarry naturally for months and still needing a D&C in the end. For the first time in a very long time, I prayed. I prayed that if I was in fact miscarrying, then I wanted it to be as quick as possible and I wanted to be strong, emotionally. I’m grateful to say I got exactly what I prayed for. Saturday morning, November 3rd, the contractions started. I started passing blood clots, most were about 2 inches, some as long as 5 inches. This was when I really knew my baby wasn’t going to survive. I guess a sliver of me was still holding onto hope that this was all a big joke, masterfully orchestrated by my healthy, jokester of a baby. Two things made my miscarriage easier: - A heating pad on my belly. - Drinking loads of water. Every time I downed a big glass of water, I would feel contractions and then pass more blood clots, like clockwork! I realized that for me, it was the secret to speeding up the process and it worked without fail. By midnight, my husband was passed out upside-down on the bed. I laid balled up on the floor at the foot of the bed, hand-in-hand with my love. I’d already been there for hours. At this point, I didn’t know how much more I could take. The pain came in waves and was becoming more frequent: 3 minutes off, 1 minute on, like a knife twisting my insides. When that knife came, I knew I had to get to the toilet quick, because the only thing that would stop that wave of pain is pushing. I was learning the lamaze technique without a teacher and without a baby to come. This routine went on for about 12 hours: heat pad, water, pain, toilet, push, repeat. Then, on November 4th, around 12:30am, at 8 weeks pregnant, something came out of me that was not a blood clot. In all honesty it looked like a jellyfish. It was a translucent balloon with a wrinkly skin-like exterior membrane. I put my hand in a plastic bag and used it like a glove to pull it out of the toilet. I sat there, exhausted, staring at it with my red, puffy eyes from lack of sleep and nonstop crying. Could this be my baby? What else could have been in me and look like this? Is this the yolk sac that was never seen on my ultrasounds, is it the gestational sac, or the placenta? I’m not a doctor and I didn’t want to be a Googler at this point. I just wanted to be. This is the life experience that you can’t tweet about, you can’t Instagram, you can’t call your best friend or your mom or wake your husband to be with you. At least not yet. I just wanted to be in that moment. It’s okay to just be – in your pain, in your aloneness, in your sorrow. But the good news is I didn’t even feel alone at that moment. I felt a moment of my life that I would always remember – a defining moment. I felt all the feelings all at once. Of course it was an incredible loss, but it was also an incredible lesson. I learned that I could love someone more deeply and unconditionally than any other love I had experienced before. I learned that I wanted to be mom. I learned that I could be a mom, I could step into that role and learn along the way. I learned how little my choices have to do with it, not only the lack of control over if you can have a child or when you can have a child, but also the lack of control over who your child is. I already had the conversations with my husband about what we would do if our child was genetically tested and found to have a higher likelihood of things like down syndrome. We were ready to take on whatever the universe had in store for us as a family. I felt all those feelings – all that growth and all that loss – all at once. Miscarrying my child gave me more appreciation for life. I had more appreciation for all the beautiful souls living right now and the ones who are trying to come through. Life is so fragile and it really is a miracle that each one of us were born. I felt a new kind of love because of my unborn child and yes, I lost the baby, but I learned that the love doesn’t disappear. My capacity for love expanded by embracing this child. Although I feel lost – completely and utterly lost – many days since my miscarriage, I’m reminded that I am better for this experience and what my child taught me. It was later confirmed by the doctor that the balloon-like tissue that I held was my baby. Two days after my miscarriage, I brought it to the doctor in a tupperware placed in a paper bag for testing, but too much time had passed and they couldn’t test it for chromosomal abnormalities after 24 hours. The doctor asked if I wanted them to discard it, they weren’t trying to be insensitive, they had to ask and I’m glad they asked rather than assumed that’s what I wanted. I politely told them that I would hold onto it. I knew that I wanted a memorial. I needed a memorial. For the next 3 weeks, I continued to bleed, cramp, and pass large clots. Even though my baby was gone, my uterus still had a lot of other pregnancy tissue to get rid of. On a weekly basis, the doctors had me come in for bloodwork to test my hCG levels. The goal was for my hCG to get under 5. If I got under 5 naturally, then I wouldn’t need a D&C. The day after Thanksgiving, as my husband and I were driving to meet our good friends’ newborn baby boy, I got a call from a nurse saying that my hCG level was 4 and I was officially no longer pregnant. I miscarried at 8 weeks, but my pregnancy hormone was gone at 11 weeks. I entered the holiday season falsely thinking I’d entered a new chapter with my loss behind me. Not the case. Since the miscarriage, I actually went through many more stages of grief, perhaps even worse than the weeks I was miscarrying. First, denial. I had strong denial, thinking I could move on like none of this happened and fool everyone into thinking I was fine. I threw myself into work with ample caffeine flowing. I rented a new office space for a fresh start and to get me out of the house. I was still planning on making the documentary on postmodernism and I focused on that to ignore my emotional scars. This was the wrong approach. From December through February, I overshadowed my pain with this work project. I even had a pitch meeting with Dave Rubin (from The Rubin Report) and author Jordan B. Peterson. With some coaxing, they seemed open to participating. Shortly after that meeting, my strong exterior began to crack and the project fell apart. I realized my heart wasn’t in it and my stress levels were off the charts. It was already a difficult project to undertake, but the added inner turmoil made it impossible to sustain a professional and capable mindset. By the end of February, I was on an entirely new journey that I hadn’t planned. Here’s how it started. I was still reading the miscarriage forums and a name kept being repeated over and over again – Colton Burpo. Colton Burpo, Colton Burpo, Colton Burpo. Who is this person? Google revealed that he was a young boy, 4 years old at the time, who supposedly had a near-death experience. He and his Christian paster father took his story to the masses, not only by doing tons of interviews, but his father also wrote a book called, Heaven Is For Real, and later a film was made about Colton’s experience starring Greg Kinner. But why was Colton’s name flooding the miscarriage forums? Well, because as his story goes: he saw Heaven, he met Jesus, he met his grandpa, and he also met a young girl who gave him a big hug in Heaven. This girl told him that she was his older sister, but she died in their mother’s tummy. He asked what her name was and she said their parents never gave her one. If that’s not weird enough, what’s really weird is that Colton never knew that his parents had a miscarriage. Actually, the parents say they never told anyone about their miscarriage. This fascinated me, because whether you believe in Heaven or not, or an afterlife, how did a 4 year old boy know that he had an older sister that died in his mom’s tummy? Also, the age that Colton described her to be would have lined up with how old she would have been if she survived, but the parents didn’t know that she was a she and they didn’t give her a name because, as far as I could research, the mother miscarried around 8 weeks pregnant (just like me). Whether or not you want to believe Colton’s story or the idea of Heaven, that is entirely up to you. I’m not sharing this to convince you of anything. Personally, I’m agnostic and have been since 2009. I grew up Christian, but left that religion when I started seeing hypocrisy that greatly disturbed me. However, the teachings of love, kindness, respect and compassion, I’ve never lost faith in that, but I don’t subscribe to any religion today and I have no clue what happens after death. Learning about Colton Burpo made me look more into other life after death stories, and Google propelled me down a whole different path that I never imagined going down – mediumship. Again, I’m not promoting any of this! I’m just sharing what I innocently stumbled upon. I found many videos of mediums supposedly channeling someone’s miscarried or stillborn child. Whether it’s the Long Island Medium, Hollywood Medium, or Monica the Medium, there are many stories about miscarried souls or spirits being on the “other side” with loved ones who have passed. What I found interesting was that Colton’s story of Heaven and the mediums’ stories didn’t necessarily contradict each other. However, I know that most Christians do not approve of mediums because many Bible versus condemn mediums, but apparently many mediums believe in a higher power and an afterlife. I continued to be open to all sorts of stories about miscarried babies in the afterlife because I found it extremely comforting thinking that my baby was with my maternal grandpa (who passed a few years ago). While some women and their partners have a crisis of faith following a miscarriage, thinking, “How could God let this happen?“, I seemed to have the opposite reaction. Before I began spotting, I had a dream that my baby was a girl. I’ve always wanted a girl. When I saw the video where Colton’s dad made a plea to parents to name their miscarried child, I didn’t see any harm in considering: What about a name? Something I haven’t shared yet is that I documented my entire miscarriage journey on video. You see, when I first found out that I was pregnant, I thought, “This is it! We’re having our first baby and we’re starting our family!” I always imagined documenting my pregnancy because I’m a documentary filmmaker – I document everything! When I started the process of miscarrying, I had already been filming my pregnancy for weeks, so I decided to just keep documenting. I had hours and hours of footage and it got to the point where I needed a new hard drive to store all the footage. Like many documentary filmmakers, I have dozens of hard drives, each one representing a different film project. My very first hard drive was titled Jaye Bird (since my production company is called Jaye Bird Productions). The next hard drive was boringly called Jaye Bird 2, and then Jaye Bird 3 came along. I knew I was going to be collecting more hard drives and the numbering system was so dull, so I decided to switch it to bird species, since I figured there’s a lot of those! Now I have over 25 hard drives. I have Eagle, Raven, Hawk, Albatross, Sandpiper, Dove, Crow, Hummingbird, Cardinal, Goose, Finch, Toucan, Falcon, Owl, Parrot… you get the picture. I bought a new hard drive that would house the videos of my first pregnancy, and subsequent miscarriage, but I needed a name for the drive. Blanking on a name, I asked my husband and he simply said, “Robin”. It was perfect. Robin. I had my Robin hard drive for many months before learning about Colton Burpo’s story, so when I considered naming my child, it was no question, Robin was the perfect name. When I told my family that I named my child Robin because all of my memories of this pregnancy were encapsulated on the Robin hard drive and because I had a dream she was a girl, they told me that the name Robin is actually gender-neutral; it’s a name for a girl or a boy (as in the late and great Robin Williams). So, it really was the perfect name! Naming my child helped with my healing, but healing is a long process. Even after I started exploring ideas of the afterlife, I still wasn’t at peace with what happened. After cancelling the postmodernism film project, I decided to channel my energy towards editing a documentary about Robin’s miscarriage from all the footage I had gathered. I titled it Waiting to Miscarry since it’s the film I would have wanted to see while I was waiting to miscarry. The process of reliving my pregnancy through this footage was therapeutic, enlightening, validating and overwhelmingly emotional. I spent 6 weeks working on it. I was putting a nice film together, but all of a sudden – I hit a brick wall. I had editor’s block. I didn’t know where it was going or how to end it, because I was still in it. The thing was, Robin was still in a tupperware container, hidden out of sight. This is the single thing I am most ashamed of, that I let so much time pass, but I just wasn’t ready to say goodbye. For those few months since the miscarriage, I felt like time stood still because I was clutching onto the past and refusing to step forward. I remembered the ladies from the forums saying they most regretted not having a proper memorial because they felt they would have benefited from that closure. I decided to heed their advice. Four months after our miscarriage, I told my husband that I was finally ready to have a memorial. Now, I know I haven’t talked much about my husband’s journey through this, but whenever I asked him how he was doing, he would always say, “I’m just worried about you and want to make sure you’re okay.” That’s it. If he had emotions beyond that, he didn’t want to discuss them. He focused on work and home improvement projects to pass the time. That was his way of coping. We discussed that we’d have a burial and I would find a plant to put on the grave. My husband decided to make a bird house in memory of Robin. He immediately started calculating, carving, sawing, nailing, and painting a beautiful birdhouse that will hopefully be a safe home for new life someday. I found a small wooden box to bury her in and bought a young michelia tree (in the magnolia family) to plant on her grave. The day that we were ready to bury our child happened to be the first day of Spring: March 20th. It was raining all morning and we didn’t know when we could get outside, but the clouds parted by noon, Evan dug a hole, and we said our goodbyes. I didn’t have any statement prepared, I just said everything that had been locked inside of me aching to come out. I cried more tears than the rainfall that morning. I admitted to everything that I was ashamed to feel and expressed everything that I wanted her to know. After all the words were said, my husband and I stepped back and looked at the michelia tree with it’s pure white flowers. Literally right then, the clouds parted and beams of warm light made the dew on the leaves sparkle. It was perfect. Everything leading up to that moment felt so messy and chaotic and clumsy and pained, but in the end it was perfect. The memorial ended at 2:53pm on March 20th. I know because of the timestamp on this last iPhone photo that I took before we went inside: Later that night, I saw a tweet by Neil deGrasse Tyson saying that on March 20th at 5:58pm ET (2:58pm my time in California), the Northern Hemisphere entered it’s new season. Just 5 minutes after we ended our memorial: It was Spring. The long Winter was over and my husband and I found the closure we needed. So, after all of this, is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? I believe yes. I choose love and loss. Robin has enriched my life, and to me, she is not gone. I like to believe I will meet Robin someday. I like to believe she is being cared for by my maternal Grandpa and I like to believe that this is not the end of our journey towards starting a family. Just a few more words for women going through a miscarriage: Something I haven’t talked enough about is how much guilt I felt during my miscarriage. The main topic of most of my tear-filled breakdowns was self-blame. I believe every woman experiencing her first miscarriage goes through this, but blaming yourself won’t change the outcome, it’ll just make it more painful. The truth is that most miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities which is entirely out of your control and roughly 10-15% of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage. The rate is probably much higher since that statistic doesn’t include women who didn’t know they were pregnant yet. I no longer blame myself and I’m not ashamed to talk about my miscarriage. Perhaps if more people talked about it then it wouldn’t be so scary for the couples going through it. Once I started telling people, stories came out of the woodworks! My mother-in-law had one, my grandma had two, my friends, co-workers, my husband’s co-workers, our accountant… now I hear about it everywhere! Also, so many celebrities have had miscarriages! Beyonce had one, so did Michelle Obama, Nicole Kidman had multiple miscarriages, also Gwyneth Paltrow, Victoria Beckham, Audrey Hepburn had two, Carrie Underwood had three, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, P!nk, Jennifer Aniston had at least two, Courtney Cox had multiple, Demi Moore, Sharon Stone had three, Brooke Shields, Bethenny Frankel, Christie Brinkley had three, Marilyn Monroe had at least two, Elizabeth Banks had multiple, Jackie O had a miscarriage and a stillbirth, Gabrielle Union had at least eight(!), and many others. How is it both saddening and reassuring to hear how common it is? This is one of millions of questions I’ve asked myself throughout this journey. It’s not easy and you can only really know what it’s like if you’ve had one or are going through it. If you are going through a miscarriage, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you know that you are not alone, you are not to blame, you are a warrior, and most of all – know that your heart will find peace. Believe that. Thank you for reading. If you’re wondering what happened to the documentary I was working on about my miscarriage, I haven’t worked on it since the memorial in March. I found the closure I needed and going back to editing the footage felt like scratching old wounds that have healed, but I still wanted to share this story which is why I wrote this blog. I’m now working on a new film project. If you really want to see the “Waiting to Miscarry” documentary, please say so in the comments below. It still requires a ton of work to finish, but if there’s enough interest, then I’ll consider finishing it.

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Welcome back to Boobs on Your Tube; and Happy One Day at a Time Day, friends! Don’t you worry, Carmen is in full binge mode and will be writing about season three next week! This week, Heather wrote about Steven Universe‘s season five finale and Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists and made a list of the 25 best lesbian and bisexual dates in TV history to give you a little inspiration for Valentine’s Day. Carmen recapped a really sweet and kickass and also kind of maddening episode of Black Lightning. Kayla recapped a finally very gay episode of Riverdale. Natalie recapped Stef and Lena’s first and perfect visit to Good Trouble. And Rachel wrote brilliantly about Natasha Lyonne and this brilliant season of Russian Doll. Here’s what else! Drunk History 604: “Trailblazers” Written by Carmen From the first time I heard that my imaginary girlfriend Samira Wiley was going to be playing actual black history icon, the late pilot Bessie Coleman, in Comedy Central’s standout series Drunk History, I knew I was a goner. Samira’s a close ringer for the flight master, Drunk History is one of my favorite shows, and Black History Month is already my favorite time of the year. What more can you ask for? If you’ve never seen Drunk History, their whole deal is that a comedian and/or historical expert gets verrrry drunk and then, while inebriated, tells the whole story of a famous historical person or event. Comedy Central then edits that into a script and it’s performed – drunk burps, swear words and all – by professional actors. The concept started off as web series for Funny or Die created by Derek Waters and Jeremy Konner. Which is to say, trying recap an episode of Drunk History makes no sense out of context! That’s kind of the whole point! Instead, here’s a little about Bessie Coleman: Bessie Coleman was the first woman to earn an international piloting license, which is only made all that much sweeter by the fact that she was black. She’s also the first black American woman to hold a pilot’s license, period. She was born to a family of sharecroppers in Texas and ended up in Chicago as a a part of the Great Migration. With the help of a wealthy black benefactor, she was able to travel to France to become a licensed pilot. When she returned to the United States, she was unable to be hired literally anywhere because… racism. She became a successful air show pilot instead and saved money to open a piloting school for African Americans. Unfortunately, she never got to accomplish that final dream. She died in a 1926 plan crash at 34 years old. Samira Wiley’s Bessie Coleman is perfection! First of all she’s smartly and hilariously narrated, and Samira takes time to find every nuance in her comedic performance. We’re used to watching Samira in weep-fests like Orange is the New Black or her Emmy winning turn in Handmaid’s Tale. It’s easy to forget her easy going comic timing, but that’s on full display here. One of the trickiest parts of Drunk History is that actor has to play the role with a genuine earnestness, no matter how ridiculous the pre-recorded lines, or the entire illusion falls apart. It’s a lot harder than it sounds and Samira really nails it. (Also if you’re the kind of person who goes weak in the knees at Samira’s smile ** cough cough not that I know anything about that cough cough ** then you really need to run to your DVR immediately and fire this episode up IMMEDIATELY. You won’t regret it for a second.) Last few cool things about Bessie Coleman – every year black pilots and aviators fly their planes over her grave to honor her life’s work. In 1992 when Mae Jemison became the first black American woman to travel in space, she kept a photograph of Bessie with her on the Space Shuttle Endeavour. If you take Drunk History‘s word for it, this is what Coleman’s photo told her every day: “Bitch, you got this! I did all this for you. You betta eat this shit up alive because I lived and died by the – WHAT!?!? – The propeller and the plane! I did that shit for you to be in a in a fucking spaceship!” Bessie Coleman died doing what she loved and believed in. She wanted us to call her by true given name, “Queen Bess, Bitch.” And Yes m’am, we shall. Bessie Coleman was the first African-American woman to get a pilot's license. And it wasn't easy. pic.twitter.com/ZRCW5voibR — Drunk History (@drunkhistory) February 6, 2019 All American 112: “Back in the Day” Written by Natalie Last week, during the CW’s session at the winter edition of the Television Critics Association Press Tour, the network confirmed new seasons from some of our queer faves: Black Lightning and Charmed. Missing from their list, though? All American. The critically acclaimed show hasn’t found its footing among the CW’s superhero/supernatural line-up — though, somehow Dynasty got renewed, despite its abysmal ratings — and will have to wait until May to hear if it’ll get a second season. Executives at the CW hope that All American‘s move to Netflix in March will help the show build its fanbase and justify renewal. I hope they’re right because there is no show on the CW — or on broadcast television, frankly — doing queer representation better than All American. Yes, All American is a show about football and Spencer’s rise but they’ve carved out plenty of space for Coop’s stories, making Bre-Z, ostensibly, the show’s co-lead. It’d be a loss for all of us if Tamia “Coop” Cooper’s story ended after just one season. This week, Coop arrives at home only to find the apartment door already open; inside, Tyrone’s made himself comfortable on the couch. Eviction notices litter the living room: the landlord won’t allow Coop to takeover Shawn’s lease because she’s a minor. Coop’s considering filing for emancipation but Tyrone advises against it. He urges her to go home and reconcile with her parents instead. But what sounds like thoughtful advice is really just a smoke screen: being emancipated means that if Coop ever got arrested, she’d be tried as an adult… which, I mean, yes, that’s true, but there’s a pretty good likelihood that she’d be tried as an adult regardless, what with her being a 16+ year old black girl in a gang from South Central Los Angeles and all. Coop brushes off Tyrone’s advice — she’ll just have to avoid getting arrested — and Tyrone looks not at all pleased to have his advice ignored. Later, Coop’s strolling down the block with Spencer when someone shouts her name. She looks up to see her dad standing outside the apartment gates. This show doesn’t afford Coop many moments of pure joy but the smile on Coop’s face, as she runs into her father’s arms, is that kind of moment. Once they’re inside, we learn that her father’s been out of town until just recently and missed all the theatrics between Coop and her mother. He spots the emancipation papers on the table and Coop explains that she needs them signed, in order to stay in the apartment and take care of herself (again, not exactly how things work). Coop’s father says that he wants her to come home and claims that his wife is ready to accept all of Coop. He invites her to breakfast at the house tomorrow to see her mother’s change-of-heart up close. Everything about this alleged turnaround seems suspect but I get why Coop shows up the next day with Spencer in tow. No matter what we’ve been through with our parents, there’s still some small part of us that craves their love and acceptance. They enjoy breakfast outside and the tension between mother and daughter is thick, despite Coop’s father’s attempt to lighten the mood by telling funny stories. But when Patience calls — and Coop gets up to take the call — the thin veneer of tolerance that Coop’s mother has been showcasing, breaks. Coop’s mom clings to her bigotry and says that no one — not her husband or Tyrone — is going to make her change her mind. Turns out that Tyrone interceded to make sure that Coop didn’t go the emancipation route. Coop’s dad could bring his daughter back home or he would lose his job at the trucking company. Coop’s heartbroken by the revelation but musters up the courage to say, “You know what? I’m dope as hell and y’all gon’ realize that one day. The messed up part? It’s probably going to be too late.” When she gets home that afternoon, Coop’s father is waiting for her outside. He assures her that he always wanted her to come home but admits to using Tyrone’s threat to compel his wife to go along with the plan. Coop believes the only thing he was trying to do is save his job but he’d rather lose his job than lose his daughter. He hands her the signed emancipation papers — both he and her mom signed them — but he’s only giving her what she wants to ensure she has a place to live, he won’t ever stop fighting to reunite his family. How to Get Away With Murder 512: “We Know Everything” Written by Natalie When Amirah Vann’s Tegan Price was bumped up to series regular for HTGAWM‘s fifth season, I was really excited. Two queer female characters of color among the main cast of one of my favorite shows on television? YES, PLEASE. But the optimism I began the season with — maybe Annalise and Tegan will hook up or maybe Michaela and Tegan will — has been steadily eroded and while I was sure that the destruction of Annalise and Eve’s love would be the worst of it, last night’s episode had me worried that I’d underestimated Pete Nowalk’s capacity to ruin everything. I wondered: Did they make Tegan Price a series regular just to kill her? Let’s review the evidence, shall we? After his arrest last week, Gabriel calls his professor/unwitting stepmother to provide for his defense. Over the objections of the Keating Four (and Oliver), Annalise steps in as Gabriel’s attorney, hoping to suss out whatever information Gabriel might have given to the FBI about them. Her plan works and she discovers that the district attorney — Ronald Miller, Bonnie’s ex-boyfriend who got murdered, in the season opener — was working with Gabriel to investigate Annalise. Everyone thinks that Gabriel’s facing charges related to Miller’s investigation or the disappearance but the judge announces that Gabriel’s being charged with domestic terrorism for his involvement in the Ferguson protests in 2014. The prosecutors produce an image — one reminiscent of the iconic photo of Edward Crawford — of a masked man tossing a can of tear gas back at police and claim it’s Gabriel. The storyline gets dealt with relatively easily: Frank’s been watching the Gabriel since he arrived at Middleton and Laurel discovers the FBI planting the masked man’s hat in Gabriel’s apartment in the surveillance video. Annalise presents the video — which she spins as a product of Gabriel’s self-monitoring — as evidence and the case is immediately dismissed. HTGAWM has always incorporated the stories of real life injustices into their storylines and usually I find it commendable. The show’s able to highlight an issue, like recividism or the underfunding of public defenders, and add some real depth to the conversation. But, here, the evocation of Ferguson in “We Know Everything” felt capricious and, given what happened to Edward Crawford, cruel. Meanwhile, Tegan meets up with her old FBI handler, Claire Telesco, to find out if Jorge Castillo — Laurel’s father and the client Tegan flipped on last season — is behind the DA’s murder. Telesco says there’s no evidence to support that theory and, instead, points a finger at Annalise. She urges Tegan to pass along any information she comes across that might implicate her colleague and promises that the FBI will protect her if she comes forward. When she arrives back at Caplan & Gold, Michaela comes in to try to smooth things over after having been caught in a lie last week. Michaela offers Tegan something that, sort of, resembles the truth: they wanted to hold off on filing the civil suit to keep the FBI’s light from shining brighter on Nate. Tegan, however, isn’t satisfied and draws impossibly close to Michaela and asks what else is going on. Michaela promises, on her unborn child, that there’s nothing else… and no sooner are the words out of her mouth than Emmett appears to ask about Gabriel’s domestic terrorism charge. Michaela is mortified and Tegan’s stunned that she nearly fell for Michaela’s lies again. Having failed at lesbianing her mission, Michaela heads back to the house to regroup. After conferring with Oliver, she pitches a new idea: keeping Tegan on the sidelines (and away from the FBI) by sending her anonymous e-mail that suggests that someone knows that she was the Jane Doe in the Antares case. If Tegan thinks that the FBI can’t protect her, Michaela rationalizes, she won’t go to them with any new information and, instead, she’ll just stay quiet. Laurel points out that if her father sees the e-mail, he’ll have Tegan killed, and Michaela retorts that he can’t do that from prison. Michaela has been through too much on this show to be this dumb and naïve. “I thought you liked Tegan?” Connor asks. “I love her,” Michaela admits. “That is why I know what will scare her.” Once Annalise is convinced that the e-mail can’t be traced back to them, she tells Oliver to send it. And, to her credit, Michaela’s right: when the e-mail pops up in Tegan’s inbox, she looks petrified and when Telesco calls later, she ignores the call. But either it never strikes Annalise, Michaela and Oliver or they just don’t care that Tegan’s not going to be the only person to see that e-mail. Predictably, the C&G IT department flags the “Jane Doe” e-mail as suspicious and they pass it up the ladder to Emmett. Without revealing the substance of the e-mail, Emmett asks Annalise about Tegan and she comes to the young lawyer’s defense. Surprised by Annalise’s reaction, he calls IT to get access to her e-mails… less to investigate any wrongdoing on Annalise’s part, I suspect, but more to find out if there’s something romantic going on with Tegan and Annalise. I WISH, EMMETT, I WISH! “Emmett’s watching you,” Annalise warns. “I don’t know why, and I don’t care but I vouched for you so watch your back, because clearly something weird is going on right now.” Maybe I’m worried about nothing. Maybe Michaela’s e-mail won’t get the woman she loves killed. Maybe Emmett won’t give that e-mail to Jorge Castillo, as he’s (possibly) legally bound to do, to get Tegan out of the way so he can romance Annalise. Maybe I’m wrong but this season, HTGAWM‘s writers haven’t given me much cause for hope. Siren 203: “Natural Order” Hi there, me again, here with your weekly #hornyformermaids update. This week, in an attempt to learn more about Ryn’s siren song and why it affects Ben the way it does, Maddie decides to record it to compare it to other animal and ocean sounds. The problem is, Ryn can’t sing without a human present, so to avoid Ben losing his whole entire mind, Maddie decides to stay in the room while Ryn sings. She puts on noise-cancelling headphones and turns on the equipment, and at first I was afraid that the song wasn’t sound-based at all, but I don’t think Maddie heard the song after all. She did feel a connection to Ryn though, an admiration for her grace and beauty as she sang. After the song is over, Maddie asks what it feels like when she sings, and Ryn says it makes her feel good, and she wants to sing to Ben again, but she knows it hurts him so she doesn’t. Maddie decides they should keep this fact a secret, because Ben is barely hanging on as it is. The preview for next week looked pretty steamy so I look forward to have more to report! — Valerie Anne Legacies 110: “There’s a World Where Your Dreams Came True” The twins finally returned to Legacies, and with quite the bang. The latest monster-magnet artifact, the urn, attracted a Jinni (not to be confused with a genie… though similar in wish-granting concept) who, after briefly scanning the room, picked Lizzie as the most obviously selfish among them. Lizzie’s first wish was very Cordelia in The Wish, and wishes Hope never came to the school. That reality is a bit of a bummer since the school didn’t have the funding it does in our reality, and Hope ends up finding her way there anyway, so Lizzie decides to do a little revision and her second wish is that there was never a Salvatore School at all. In this reality, Josie is the more assertive twin, and homecoming queen, their dad is day drunk, and Hope is the HBIC of Michaelsons, a supernatural school for the badass. When Hope invites the twins and their dad to the school, Hope and Josie start flirting relentlessly and Lizzie decides this is worse than Hope being teacher’s pet with her dad. So for what she thinks is her final wish, Lizzie wishes Hope was never born, which sends the world into chaos since Hope was the reason her dad never went full beast-mode. In this reality, the worst of them all, Lizzie found out about The Merge, something that happens to twins of the Gemini Coven on their 22nd birthday, and instead of waiting to see if Josie would win, Lizzie killed Josie. Penelope is there mourning her ex-girlfriend (or maybe current girlfriend in this reality, who knows) and can’t believe Lizzie would show her face. But luckily in the end, Lizzie unburies the gay and wishes things back to the way they were in such a way that also doesn’t give Jinni access to the urn she wanted. Lizzie hugs her sister, happy as we are that she’s alive, though unlike us doesn’t really know why. In conclusion, Hope is also queer, because Jinni insisted that everything that was happening were potential realities, and Hope was the one to put her hand on Josie’s leg, so that means she’s queer in our reality too. No take backs. — Valerie Anne Star Trek: Discovery 204: “An Obol for Charon” My favorite space butch, Tig Notaro’s Jett Reno, was back on last night’s Discovery, once again saving the day and proving that this Star Trek is the nerdiest of all Star Treks, with all its math and hard science. Reno’s converting antimatter into lithium to power Discover’s propulsion unit, “old school,” despite the protests of Stamets and Tilly who are happy running the ship off spores. First Reno calls them farmers and when Stamets tries to clap back she tells him she’s “un-insult-able,” especially by a guy who powers a ship off the mushrooms she picks off her pizza. Turns out she’s super right about the spores, which are literally trying to kill them all. She’s 2-0 and I can’t wait to see more of her deadpan excellence. — Heather

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By SX Meagher On Sunday afternoon, most of the members of the O'Flaherty family attended Ryan's game at Stanford. The few who couldn't make it found their schedules freed up later in the afternoon for the barbeque-pool party at Catherine's house. Nearly fifty people crowded around the pool, with most of Ryan's teammates playing with Caitlin, who was, as usual, the belle of the ball. The late afternoon sun was warm, and the party was noisy and getting noisier. Marta and Helena had been working hard, and once all of the food was set up on the outdoor tables Catherine insisted that both women take a long break. As usual, Marta tried to refuse. "I don't need a break," she said, indignantly. "I do nothing all week; I enjoy having these parties." "I know you do," Catherine said. "But there's going to be a big cleanup job later on. I happen to know you've been on your feet since seven o'clock this morning, and even you get tired, my friend." "I'm not tired," Marta said. She was standing with her hands on her hips, looking like a child refusing her afternoon nap. Unexpectedly, Catherine hugged her, holding on until the older woman relaxed and returned the gesture. Catherine let her go, but not before placing an affectionate kiss on her cheek. "You don't have to rest," she said. "You can go join the party." Marta narrowed her eyes, knowing she'd lost the battle. "I'll go read my book," she said, giving Catherine a faux scowl as she turned and left the room. Marta and Helene were both ensconced in their rooms and Catherine was just about to leave the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She was puzzled, since all of the family members knew to walk around the side of the house to join a party in progress. It must be one of Ryan's teammates. She went to the entryway and opened the door. She was struck mute to find not a fresh-faced young woman, but a suave, handsome, charming, sexy man smiling at her. A man she had hoped she'd never have to see again. "Buona sera," he said, taking her limp hand to his soft, full lips to kiss it tenderly. "Giacomo," she whispered, feeling she might faint. "May I come in?" The manners that had been drummed into her compelled her to step aside and let him enter. As he passed, his scent tickled her nose, and her body reacted as it always had when she was near him. Tingling, she followed him into the living room, where he was pointing at a sofa. She nodded, still unable to manage even a fragment of a sentence. She sat in an upholstered chair, not daring to get close enough to smell him or feel his always-warm body. "You're so far away," he said, giving her the little pout that always melted her heart. "You got my letter," she said, dancing away from his comment. "Of course I did. Why else would I arrive, unannounced? I knew you'd refuse my visit, but I had to see you." Catherine gestured towards the rear of the house, whence music and loud voices emanated. "This is a very bad time," she said. "I'm having a party." "I can hear that," he said, a seductive smile starting at the corner of his mouth. "There must be a lot of people here." "There are," she said emphatically. "Good. They won't miss you. Let's go …" He looked around, getting a sense of the layout. "Upstairs. We'll have privacy there, no?" The vehemence of her reaction took him by surprise. He got up and was next to her before she could say another word. He knelt beside her, his hand slipping into her hair and cradling the back of her head. Involuntarily, she leaned into his touch, the action so sweetly familiar that she was unable to stop herself. "I've come so far," he said, his warm, sensual voice sending shivers down her spine. "Don't send me away." He pulled her a little closer, pleased when she didn't fight him. His head moved towards hers, and soon they were a fraction of an inch apart. Catherine's eyes were half-closed and her lips parted just enough to invite his advance. Gently, he broached the distance and touched her lips with his. She didn't want to give in. She knew it was sheer madness, but he was so warm and tender and smelled so tremendously wonderful that she couldn't resist. Just like the first time they'd kissed, her stomach somersaulted and she felt light-headed when their lips met. Her hand came to rest on his muscular shoulder, and she let it move across the silky feel of his suit jacket. Giacomo took in a deep breath, and Catherine felt as if he were breathing her into his body. She reacted without a concern, sliding her arm around his back and drawing him close. Her mouth opened, and his warm tongue darted inside, making her whole body prickle with sensation. Suddenly, her orientation changed and she felt him effortlessly pick her up. In a blink, she was on his lap, and he was kissing her with such passion that she forgot where they were or why he was in her living room. All she was able to do was move with him, feel his heart beat, follow his warm tongue, and purr when his hands moved over her body. The zeal with which they kissed was nothing new. From the first, they'd instinctively sparked in just that way. A quick kiss usually led to many more-often to making love, just when they were getting ready to part after an entire afternoon of pleasuring each other. It was the first time in her life she'd had such carnal hunger for a man. Their connection produced such a heady rush that, once they'd started to kiss, neither had any control. And since Catherine hadn't been intimate with a man since the previous summer, her hunger for his touch was omnivorous. After a particularly incendiary kiss, Giacomo tightened his hold around her body and stood. He was momentarily indecisive, but then headed for the staircase he'd seen. He was halfway up, with Catherine placing soft kisses along his jaw line when he noticed a woman standing in the hall, staring at them. She looked like she'd been shocked with a jolt of electricity, and he knew he couldn't ignore her-even though Catherine hadn't seen her. Regretfully, he stopped and put Catherine onto her weak legs, tucking an arm around her waist as he turned her towards the woman. Catherine turned as pale as a sun-bleached bone, and she grabbed Giacomo's arm for support. "Maeve!" "Are you … is everything …?" Maeve was obviously not only stunned but uncomfortable. She was turning in the direction from which she had come, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else in the world. "I'm fine, dear." Years of practice lying about her emotional state got Catherine through the sentence. "I'll just go back outside," Maeve said. "I just came in to see if you needed … help," she added, looking embarrassed. Catherine took Giacomo's hand and tugged him down the stairs with her. He was straightening his tie and smoothing the wrinkles out of his suit when they reached the landing. "Maeve O'Flaherty, this is my dear friend, Giacomo Fontini." Giacomo gave the woman a short bow and took her hand, giving it a quick kiss. "It is my pleasure to meet you," he said. "Are you related to Ryan?" Catherine smiled at him, charmed that he'd remembered her daughter-in-law's name. "Yes," Maeve said. "I'm her au … step-mother," she said, recalling that it was easier to tell strangers her current relationship with the O'Flaherty children. "Ahh … you're the lovely woman who recently married Ryan's father. His taste is exquisite," he said with a smile. Catherine mused that his charm was so remarkably attractive because it never sounded forced or false. Maeve's face lit up and she blushed, yet another victim of the Fontini allure. "Catherine has told me about you, Mr. Fontini. Are you visiting from Italy?" "Yes, I am," he said, his white teeth glowing against his tanned skin. "And please call me Giacomo. Catherine is probably cross with me, since I didn't tell her I was coming, but she's too polite to admit it." Catherine squeezed his arm, unable to stop giving him a goofy looking grin. "I'm not angry," she said. "I'm always happy to see you." "I think we were a little too happy to see each other," he said to Maeve. "I hope we didn't offend you." "No, not at all!" she said, her voice higher and louder than it needed to be. "I just hadn't seen Catherine in a while and I … I told you this already, didn't I?" "Let's go outside," Catherine said, relieving her friend from prattling on. "I'm sure Giacomo would like to meet everyone." Ooo … this is going to be fun. * * * * * * The threesome walked outside, and very few of the guests took notice. Maeve waved to Martin, who walked over to the group. "Martin, this is Catherine's friend, Giacomo Fontini." "How are you?" Martin asked, shaking the man's hand. "I am well," Giacomo said. "You are Ryan's father?" "I am," Martin said, looking puzzled. "Do you know my girl?" "I've spoken to Giacomo about the girls," Catherine said, wondering how she was going to get through the rest of the evening. "I'd like to meet her, and Jamie, of course," Giacomo said. "They're right over there," Catherine said. "See you soon," she added as they started to walk away. "Who was that?" Martin asked his wife, a scowl forming. "What kind of friend knows about Ryan but has never met Jamie?" Maeve knew more than she wanted to share, so she tried to give him an evasive answer. "He's a man she knows from Milan," she said. "She usually goes to Italy alone." "What's he doing here?" Martin asked, still giving the well-dressed man the once-over. "Is he in town on business?" "I don't know, sweetheart. I didn't interrogate the poor man. Why are you so interested?" He turned his back on the interloper. "I'm not," he said stiffly. "He just seems out of place." He took a sip of his drink, and Maeve could hear him mutter, "What kind of fellow wears a suit and tie to a pool party?" * * * * * * Jamie was sitting on the edge of the pool, trying to eat a quick dinner so she could take her turn watching the baby in the pool. Catherine and Giacomo walked up from behind and the younger woman turned when she heard their footsteps on the tile. Her smile froze when she saw Giacomo, recognizing him from a photo her mother had shown her. She put her plate down and stood. Giving her mother a quick look and seeing that she appeared calm, she turned her attention to the remarkably handsome man. Deciding to speak in Italian, she said, "Hello, I'm Jamie. You must be my mother's friend. It's good to meet you, Mr. Fontini." He answered in English. "I'm very happy to meet you, Jamie. And please call me Giacomo." He gave her a charming smile. "I don't know where you learned Italian, but you have a beautiful accent." "I was very young," she said. "I really don't remember learning it." "That is the best time," he said, gazing at her so intently that she felt her personal space being invaded. As was often the case, Ryan sensed her partner's discomfort and was standing at her side before Jamie knew she'd moved. "Hi," she said to Giacomo, her smile warm and friendly. "You must be Ryan," he said, shaking her hand. "I must be," she agreed. "And you're …?" "This is my friend from Milan, Giacomo Fontini," Catherine said. Ryan looked more than a little surprised, and she made no attempt to cover. "Surprise visit?" "Yes," he said, giving Catherine the intent look he'd just used on Jamie. "I hope it's a good surprise." Catherine was still holding his arm, and she squeezed it close to her body. "It's always good to see you, Giacomo." The man bowed slightly to Jamie and Ryan. "It was a pleasure to meet both of you. Your mother speaks of you so often that I feel I know you, Jamie." She gave him a tense smile and said, "I feel the same. It's good to finally meet you." "I hope this will be the first of many, many meetings," he said, giving her a luminous smile. As the couple walked away, Jamie turned towards her partner. "I don't know what he's doing here, but I know he wasn't invited." Ryan started to speak, but before she could get out a word, Conor was at her side. "Who's the suit?" "Friend of Catherine's," Ryan said. "That explains it," he said, nodding. "Explains what?" Ryan asked. "Only an Italian would come to a barbeque in a thousand dollar suit and Bruno Magli shoes." "How do you know what kind of shoes he's wearing?" Jamie asked. Rolling her eyes, Ryan said, "Don't get him started. He knows more about shoes than Imelda Marcos. He's got a foot fetish." Jamie squeezed her partner's hand. "Look who's talking." Before the blush could hit her cheeks, Ryan dove into the pool, popping back up a good twenty feet away. "She'll never change," Conor said, looking at his sister. "She's harder to corner than a scared cat." His gaze traveled to Catherine. "Is your mom okay? There's something about that guy that doesn't sit right with me." "Yeah, I think she's fine," Jamie said. "She wasn't expecting him, so that might be what you're picking up on." "A guy drops in from Italy?" Conor asked, looking more than a little suspicious. "What kinda friend is he?" "I'm not sure," she said, lying. "I don't know him. He's an art dealer from Milan. Maybe he's here on business." "He looks like he could play the lead in a movie about a jewel thief," Conor said, studying Giacomo. "There's something too smooth about him. Course, maybe it's the shoes. I'd kill for those babies." "Just when I think I'm partnered with the quirkiest of the bunch, you surprise me." Jamie put her arm around Conor's waist and escorted him back to the buffet, knowing he'd always help empty the table. * * * * * * Since it was a Sunday night, and all of the O'Flaherty men had to get up early on Monday, the crowd started to disperse at 9:00. The softball players stuck around for as long as they could, but when no one was left besides Jamie and Ryan, even the players changed clothes and took off. Marta and Helena were just starting to clean up when Jamie and Ryan sat down near Giacomo and Catherine. "Wonderful party," Ryan said. "Thanks so much, Catherine." "It's always a special day for me when your family can visit," the older woman said. "I'm just glad the evening was warm enough for the girls to be able to swim." "Me, too," Ryan said. "Because Caitlin would have gone in anyway." "The baby is terribly beautiful," Giacomo said. "It would be a blessing for her to grow up and look like her older cousin." Ryan gave him a thin smile. She was always cautious about people who complimented her on her looks, and Giacomo made her uncomfortable even without doing so. "Caitlin used to look just like Jamie," she said. "That's when she was a real knockout." She gave her partner a smile, and Jamie took her hand and squeezed it. "When do you have to leave?" Catherine asked. Jamie looked at her watch. "I'm on the last flight out. It's at 10:30, so I guess we should get going." Catherine stood. "Let's go inside and make sure you have everything. I'd hate for you to forget something important." Relieved, Jamie nodded. "It was good to meet you, Giacomo." Ryan stood as well, "Same goes for me." He kissed each of them on both cheeks, then sat back down, giving them a few moments alone with Catherine. Once they were inside, Jamie turned to her mother. "Was this a surprise?" "A big one," Catherine said. "If you want him to go … he's gone," Ryan said, her eyes focused and determined. Laughing, Catherine touched her arm. "Oh, it's fine that he's here, honey. I just wasn't expecting him. I … I wrote to him and told him I didn't want to see him the next time I went to Milan. Obviously, he …" "He's got good taste," Ryan finished for her. Catherine kissed her on the cheek. "You're always good for my ego." "No bull, Catherine. He'd be crazy to let you get away so easily." "But if you don't want to see him," Jamie said, searching her mother's eyes, "you shouldn't let him talk you into anything." "He's not going to overpower me, honey," Catherine said, laughing nervously. She fanned her flushed face. "My God, this is an uncomfortable situation." "Do you want me to stick around?" Ryan asked. "Jamie can leave her car at the airport and you could give me a ride home tomorrow." Catherine put both hands on Ryan's biceps and shook her a little. "It's all right. Now you two get going. And don't worry about me." "But we do worry about you, Mom," Jamie said. "Are you sure you're okay?" "Yes." Catherine took her daughter and turned her towards the front of the house. "Now get going! You'll miss your flight and have to drive to El Cajon!" * * * * * * Catherine walked back out to the yard and watched Giacomo as he sat on a lounge chair by the pool. He was a handsome, elegant man who looked at home nearly everywhere. Oddly, he seemed particularly comfortable sitting by the glimmering pool in his expensive suit and polished shoes. He'd made himself a drink, and had just taken a sip when Catherine drew near. Immediately, he stood, and took her hand to ease her into the chair next to his. He picked up a second glass and offered it to her. "Campari?" She hadn't had a drink all day, or the day before, but this one looked too inviting to resist. She accepted the tall glass and took a sip, smiling when the sweet/bitter taste of the liquor mixed with the sparkling water to tickle the roof of her mouth. "Thank you." He sat down, then reached over and took her hand. Giacomo didn't say another word; he just held her hand while they gazed at the patterns the light made on the water. It was a little breezy, but warm, and the water danced and swayed gently with the wind. Catherine wasn't sure how much time had passed when his low, soft voice broke the stillness. "Are you angry with me?" Giving his hand a squeeze, she said, "No, of course not. It was rude of me to write to you the way I did, but I was …" She trailed off, not sure if she should say the truth. "What were you, my treasure?" She smiled at him, unable to resist the sweet gentleness of his voice. "I was afraid." His eyes grew wide. "Of me?" "No, of course not, Giacomo. I could never be afraid of you." Her thumb lightly traced along the back of his hand. "I was afraid to tell you in person, and I didn't want to tell you on the phone. A letter was the best idea I could come up with." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. He held it there for a moment or two, warming it with his breath. When he spoke, the vapor caressed Catherine's skin. "Why were you afraid to talk to me?" For another moment, she debated whether to be frank. Finally, she said, "I thought you'd convince me I was making a poor decision." "You are," he whispered. He moved her hand to his cheek and let her fingers rest there while he reverently kissed her wrist. "A very poor decision. For both of us." Her heart was hammering in her chest, but she couldn't force herself to take her hand back. His cheek felt so nice. Rough, where his beard grew and soft as a whisper above. "What can I do?" she asked, even though she knew the question was rhetorical. "Is there someone else?" he asked, slowly peppering her palm with kisses. "No. No one." "Have you lost your desire for me?" He slipped her hand into his jacket and she felt his heart beating quickly. "You can feel how you make my poor heart race." Her mouth was dry, but she managed to say, "No. I still … I …" She sighed, and took her hand away, resting it in her lap. "It's nothing you did, Giacomo. I just need … more." He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the chair so that his feet rested on the ground. "I'll give you more. Whatever you want." Reaching out to caress his knee, she said, "You can't give me what I want. I want to meet a man who's devoted to me. Only me." His head dropped in defeat and a few locks of his black hair escaped from his careful grooming and fell across his forehead. Slowly he shook his head. "You are correct. I cannot give you that." He lifted his head and gazed at her for a long time, finally asking, "Is there a man who wants to give this to you?" "No," she admitted. "But I'm afraid I won't look for him if I have you." Slowly, his head tilted and the barest of smiles touched his lips. "Because I make you happy?" Catherine nodded, realizing that her excuse wasn't a very good one when it was held up to the light. Suddenly, he was sitting on the end of her chaise, holding her legs on his lap. "You make me happy, too. Very, very happy." He spent a few minutes rubbing her legs, straightening the creases in her slacks, adjusting the fabric just so. "Is it wrong to be happy?" he asked, not looking her way while he worked. Putting her hand atop his, she said, "Of course not. But I want someone who lives here, who I can see often-if not live with. Seeing you once or twice a year isn't enough, Giacomo." "Then come to Milano more often." He gave her a look that made that seem like the obvious answer. Catherine blinked, trying to stop herself from being so easily seduced. "I don't want to have to travel to be with a man," she said. "I want him here, and I want him to be devoted to me." "We all have desires," he said. "Sometimes we only realize parts of those needs. Is a part worth nothing?" She reached out and clasped both of his hands. "No, of course not. But I'm not ready to give up my desire. And staying involved with you seems like I'm … settling." She cringed, hating how harsh that sounded. But Giacomo either didn't understand, or he was intentionally pleading ignorance. He shrugged his shoulders and looked puzzled. "Settling? What does this have to do with us?" "I'm accepting less than I need," she said. "Yes, yes, I understand that. But don't we do that in every area of our lives? I want to live in Torino. I love the mountains, and skiing excites me more than anything else on earth. But I live in Milano. That's where my wife feels at home. That's where my children have their friends and their grandparents. It's a compromise, no?" "Yes," she agreed. "Does that mean my days in Milano are horrible? Do I wish for a quick death? No. Of course not." He slapped himself on the chest with both of his hands. "I make Milano mine!" He said it with such fire and conviction that she felt herself inexorably draw closer to him. As soon as he put his hands on her shoulders to pull her close, she pulled away, shivering as she said, "No! I can't, Giacomo. I can't continue to see a married man. I'm doing to your wife exactly what my husband did to me!" He smiled indulgently and stroked her face. "Catherine, you know my country well, but you have an American mind." "I know you and your wife have an agreement," Catherine said, "but you've told me that it's an unspoken agreement. My husband probably thought we had an agreement, too." "No. No. No." He enunciated each word crisply. "We have an …" He squinted, searching his mind for the correct word. "Explicit agreement. She's willing to speak to you on the phone to assure you that she doesn't mind our seeing each other." "You … you … asked her … about me?" "Yes!" He looked very proud of himself. "For you alone." "But Giacomo … why?" "Because I knew one of your reasons for not seeing me was because of my marriage. I've made sure that isn't a problem." "You want me to speak with your wife?" Catherine could hardly believe she was saying the words. "If you want to." He touched Catherine's chin, lifting it so they looked into each other's eyes. "She's not happy with me. Having our private lives private was better for both of us. But I couldn't let you go," he said, his desire flashing in his expressive eyes. "You mean too much to me." "What do I mean to you?" she asked, stunned by his passion. "I care for you," he said, his voice growing husky. "You're the perfect woman for me. But I'm married, and I have my children. I can't … I won't hurt my family. But if I could do it over again, you would be the woman I'd choose. If I could touch only one woman … for the rest of my life … you would be that woman." "Giacomo," she said, her eyes filling with tears. "I had no idea that you felt like that." He put his hands on her waist but didn't pull her closer. Gazing into her eyes, he whispered, "Can't you feel it when I love you?" She let out an enormous breath and nodded her head, tears starting to fall. "Yes. I have felt it, but I thought … I thought only I felt that way." "No, no, my love, you are not alone. I cannot give you my body, but when we're together-you have my soul." Catherine extended her arms and rested her hands on Giacomo's shoulders. They regarded each other for a few moments, speaking only with their eyes. Finally, her eyes fluttered closed and he closed the distance that separated them. Their lips and then their bodies met and merged in a tender communion. They showered each other with affection until Catherine took her lover by the hand and led him to the pool house. "We'll have privacy here," she said as she locked the door behind them. "Have you made love here?" he asked as he looked around. "Good. I don't want to be in a place where you've been with another. This will be our special place." She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. "I remember the first time we met," she said. "I wanted you from the start." He looked thoughtful for a moment, then cleared his throat and started to recite a poem that he obviously had once known well. "Benedetto sia 'l giorno, et 'l mese, et l'anno, et la stagione, e 'l tempo, et l'ora, e 'l punto, e 'l bel paese, e 'l loco ov'io fui giunto da'duo begli occhi che legato m'anno … " Oh, blessed be the day, the month, the year, the season and the time, the hour, the instant, the gracious countryside, the place where I was struck by those two lovely eyes that bound me … He paused, then shook his head. "There is more, but I cannot remember." "I don't need another word," she whispered. "I just need you … tonight." * * * * * * "You're awfully quiet," Ryan observed. Jamie was driving, and she was devoting one hundred percent of her attention to the road, about twenty-five percent more than usual. "Just … thinking," the blonde said. "About your mom." Jamie turned quickly and Ryan saw the tiny smile on her lips. "What's on your mind? Are you worried about her? 'Cause she seemed like she was in control." "Mmm … no, I'm not exactly worried," Jamie said. "I'm … oh, I don't know what I am. I guess I just hate that he exists." She shivered roughly enough for Ryan to see her body shake in the dim light. "That's pretty extreme," Ryan said. She put her hand on her lover's thigh and stroked it gently. "What's up with that?" There was irritation in Jamie's gaze when she looked at Ryan again. "How would you like to meet the man your mother had an affair with?" "Damn," Ryan said, looking ill. "Do you have to put it that way?" "Yes, I do," Jamie said, clearly angry. "I know she's single-ish now, but she wasn't when this started. I'm … I'm not very happy about that." "Have you ever told her that?" Ryan asked gently. "Are you nuts?" Jamie didn't say a word for a long time, and Ryan judiciously kept her mouth shut. Finally, Jamie broke the silence, speaking in a quiet, thoughtful tone. "We had a distant relationship for twenty-one years. She trusts me now, Ryan. She tells me things and I tell her things I never dreamed we'd be able to share. I don't wanna screw that up by busting her for telling me something she's ashamed of." Ryan thought about that for a minute. "I can see that. But you ought to talk about it if it's bugging you. You don't have to call her out. You can just say that … I don't know … something like …" She made a face. "I see your point." "I wanna be close," Jamie said. "And I want her to feel like she can tell me anything." "Jamers," Ryan soothed, "maybe that's not such a good idea. She's your mom, not your pal. It's nice that you've gotten so close, but you still have to be able to treat her like your mom. And no one wants to hear her mom talk about her lover. It's way high on the ick scale." Jamie smiled briefly. "I know. But I'm not sure how to handle this." "Well, she'll get rid of him and you won't have to worry about it. You can talk to her when you're not feeling upset about it." The blonde nodded. If I were sure she was going to get rid of him, I wouldn't be so upset. * * * * * * On Monday after practice, Ryan walked home, going out of her way to stop by Top Dog. Walking home with the scent of a hot link and a calabrese sausage wafting up to tickle her nose, she planned her evening. Gotta spend at least an hour doing my progress report on my independent study … then I could work on that funky little problem I've been having with that polynomial … or I could read the latest JAMS … but that's fun to read when Jamie's home. She smiled. It always cracks me up to tell her about some math discovery so esoteric that no one could really care about it and have her try to act interested. She couldn't resist the smell of her dinner, so she stuck her hand in the bag and came up with the hot link. Mmm … it's kinda nice to be able to eat something so spicy and not have Jamie's eyes cross when I kiss her. Course, I'd eat nothing but vanilla pudding to keep her home. Her mood began to darken, even as she munched on her fabulously hot sausage. Ahh … screw it. I'll do what I always do when I'm feeling down-I'll write to Aisling. * * * * * * After depositing her bag in the closet, Ryan went into the kitchen and got a beer to wash down her dinner. She went to her bedroom, kicked off her shoes, and spent a long time writing to her cousin, venting every small, medium and large thing that had been bothering her. Jamie continually suggested that Ryan call her cousin, but Ryan couldn't bear the thought of spending money so blithely, so she continued to write. She was still a little hungry, so she went downstairs and stared at the meager contents of the refrigerator. The only thing that looked appealing was another beer, so she popped the top and took a long gulp. Damn, that washes down a sausage better than anything. She walked into the living room and sorted through the mail, finding nothing of interest for herself. None of the magazines or journals looked interesting. She considered listening to a CD, but quickly dismissed that idea. Fuck! I need to talk to someone or see someone. She knew she couldn't go see her father, since he'd notice the liquor on her breath. I wish I could still call one of my old fuck-buddies, but Alisa's the only one who likes to talk, and she'd probably get the wrong idea if I called. She knew Jamie would call if she had the evening free, but she needed someone immediately. Suddenly, she smiled and grabbed the phone in the living room. Pressing one of the speed-dial buttons, she waited a few seconds until a soft soprano voice answered. Ryan felt tears in her eyes, but she cleared her throat and said, "Hey, stud. Boomer." "Boomer! Where the hell have you been?" Jordan asked. "Mia's on the phone with Jamie every two minutes, but I never hear from you." "My phone hasn't been ringing," Ryan said. She laughed softly. "Do you hate to talk on the phone as much as I do?" "More," Jordan said, laughing along with her. "But I should still call you. I just never know when you're home, girl." "Neither do I," Ryan said. She lay down on the sofa and draped her legs over the arm. "Is this a good time to talk?" "Yeah. Sure. We're just sitting in my room watching TV." Ryan heard Mia call out, "Love you, sweetie." "Tell her I love her, too," Ryan said. Jordan did so, then she and Ryan chatted for a long time, filling each other in on all of the details of their respective sports. During a pause, Ryan said, "Hold on a sec. I need to get something to drink." She went into the kitchen, took a look in the fridge, and grabbed another beer. She had a few big swigs on the way back to the phone, belched loudly and picked up again. "Sorry about that." "What? The burp or making me wait?" "That was a pretty good one, wasn't it?" "All-world," Jordan agreed. "Hey, we've got a new game going. We keep track of every error we make during practice, then we take our dirty practice clothes and put 'em in a laundry bag. Each woman gets hit as many times as she screwed up." "Does it hurt? Doesn't seem like it would." "It does when you add shoes," Jordan said, laughing. "Not bad," Ryan agreed. "Maybe we should hit each other with a bat for every strikeout. That'd make people look alive out there." "I don't know if you could get away with that in college," Jordan said, seemingly serious. "The stakes are so much higher here. There's none of that 'nice try' stuff. If you screw up-you hear about it from the coaches and your teammates. It's a lot more like a job." "I guess it would be," Ryan said, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief that she hadn't tried out for the Olympic team. "I think I'm gonna like playing in a beer league after this year. I don't think I'd like to feel like I was working while playing." "It's not bad," Jordan said. "It's put up or shut up time. This is what I've always wanted, and I'm willing to put up with whatever I have to in order to get the job done." "They wouldn't be able to have the Olympics without people like you," Ryan said. "I admire how focused you've been on this, buddy. I know what you're giving up." "I haven't given up much," Jordan said. "Mia, on the other hand, isn't getting anything from this deal except getting to see me for a few hours a day. She's the one who should get a medal." "She's got you," Ryan said. "You're better than a medal, any day." "Are you okay?" Jordan asked. "You're being kinda … sappy." Ryan took a sip of her beer. "I'm all right. Jamie's gone … you know." "Ooh. How long's she been gone?" "Since Sunday. She'll be back Wednesday night." "Sucks," Jordan said. "Sure does," Ryan agreed. "It's … I'm …" She blew out a breath and didn't even try to finish. "You need your woman," Jordan said. "I know just how you feel. When I was here by myself, it felt like every day was just a … a blank. You know what I mean?" "I didn't need anyone before I met Mia. I mean, I had friends, and I loved hanging out and stuff, but I didn't need anyone. It's been hard to get used to." "That's it," Ryan said, nodding emphatically. "It is hard to get used to. I used to be able to fill up an evening without giving it another thought. But now … if Jamie's not here …" "I know, Boom. I really do." Ryan yawned loudly. "I think I'm just gonna go to bed early. I'm feeling pretty tired." "That's a good idea," Jordan said. "You'll feel better if you sleep more while she's gone. Then you'll be ready to rock when she gets home." "Thanks," Ryan said. "Felt good to talk to you." "You too, Boom. I'm here anytime." "Same goes for me," Ryan said. "Give that girlfriend of yours a kiss for me." "No way," Jordan said, laughing. "If you wanna kiss her, you've gotta come here. I'm not doin' it for you." "Fair enough. I love ya, buddy." "Me, too. Now get to sleep." "Will do. See ya." Ryan hung up and finished her beer on the way to her bedroom. By the time she'd brushed her teeth she was ready for bed, and a few minutes after she lay down she was sound asleep. * * * * * * Ryan was nearly enthusiastic when it came to her turn in therapy on Tuesday morning. Smiling, she said, "Jamie's out of town, and I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would." Most of the members made approving noises, and Ellen said, "Tell us how it's been." "Well, Jamie left on Sunday night, and I got through that night pretty easily. There was a big party down at her mom's house and I went to sleep twenty minutes after I got home. Felt great." "That is great," Ellen said "Last night, I called my friend in Colorado and we talked for a long time. It felt better to admit that I was still having trouble. She was very supportive." "Way to go," Arlene said. "It almost always helps to tell someone you trust that you're scared." Ryan's gaze flitted past the woman, and Ellen detected a bit of irritation. "Yeah. Right." "Anything else?" Ellen asked. "No, I'm good. Jamie will be back on Wednesday afternoon and I'll be home late Wednesday night. I just have to get through tonight." "Do you need any suggestions … support?" "No, I'll just do what I did last night. I had a couple of drinks and that relaxed me." Several women shifted in their seats and a few looked like they wanted to jump in. "Barb?" Ellen said. "You might want to think of some other coping strategies," Barb said. "Using alcohol to get through your fears is an easy way to wind up in AA." Ryan scowled at her. "I had two drinks," she said. "Not twenty." "It's not the amount as much as the fact that you used it instead of facing your feelings," Barb said. The brunette consciously relaxed her jaw and tried to look like she was open to the suggestion. "Okay. I get that," she said. "It would be easy to get into the habit of drinking yourself calm." Ellen watched the young woman carefully as she spoke. This isn't the day to talk about driving. She turned Barb off as soon as she started talking. She gave Ryan a small smile and asked, "Anything else?" "Nope. Next," Ryan said, looking to her neighbor. * * * * * * Late Wednesday afternoon, Jamie and Juliet were playing in the last group of their tournament in El Cajon. Their round had been delayed by lightning, and their opponents were playing so slowly they'd been warned by the officials. The eighteenth hole was empty, but another group was on the seventeenth green. Scott ran up to them as they stood on the seventeenth tee. "We're going to have to leave if we want to catch the plane. Can you two take a cab to the airport?" "Yeah," Jamie said, looking at Juliet for agreement. "Can't you wait just fifteen minutes?" Juliet asked. "No. We're barely gonna make it as it is. But a cab might be able to make better time. Do you need some cash?" "I've got it," Jamie said. "Don't worry about it, Scott." He handed her two envelopes. "Here are your tickets. If you miss the plane, the next one is just an hour later." Looking very apologetic, he started to back away, shrugged his shoulders and ran for the group in front of theirs, obviously to deliver the same news. Juliet shoved her cap further down on her head and crossed her arms over her chest. Jamie was about to wrap a nine-iron around her neck, but she tried not to let her feelings for her teammate interfere with her concentration. She walked to the back of the tee box and quietly took some practice swings, trying to keep warm by knocking the heads off clover. * * * * * * Forty-five minutes later, Jamie and Juliet loaded their golf bags and suitcases into a taxi. "That sucked," Jamie said after telling the driver their destination. "Sure did," Juliet said. "The damned green wasn't rolling true at all." "I meant the part about being left behind," Jamie said, wondering if Juliet had a part of her brain that wasn't dedicated to golf. "Oh. Right." She leaned against the opposite door and stretched her legs out as well as she could in the cramped back seat. "Think we can upgrade to first class?" "What are we booked on?" "Mmm …" Juliet looked at her ticket. "United Express." "I have a lot of United miles," Jamie said. "I could get us both upgraded if there's room." "Eh … it's no big deal. Short flight." "I don't mind," Jamie said. "I usually wind up donating some miles to charity every year." "Nah. Really. If they offer an upgrade I'll take it, but I don't want you to spend your miles." "I wouldn't offer if I minded," Jamie said, looking at Juliet closely, trying to read her. "Sorry I brought it up," the other woman said. "It's really nothing." Jamie was in just a bad enough mood to confront her. "Why don't you want my miles?" she asked, her voice taking on an edge. Looking uncomfortable, Juliet shifted in her seat. "It's not a big deal. The flight's just over an hour. Why waste 'em?" "That's not the point. They're mine to waste. You wanted an upgrade and I offered one. You'll take United's upgrade, but not mine. Why?" The blonde let out an aggrieved breath. "Does this have to be a big deal? Just let it go." "I'm sick of letting things go," Jamie said. She was glaring at her teammate, and Juliet looked like she'd rather get out and walk than be in the cab at that moment. "The players from the other team are friendlier to me than you are. I'm sick of your treating me like we've never met. Now what the fuck is going on with you?" Juliet rolled her eyes, much in the way Jack used to when Jamie pressed a point he didn't want to discuss. "I'm not here to make friends. I've told you that before. I'm here to play golf and get out in time to work on my game before qualifying school. Sorry you don't like the way I treat you, but that's your problem." "Are you afraid to be seen with me?" Jamie asked, refusing to let go. "No," Juliet snapped. "I'm not afraid. I just … there's no benefit to being around you. Everybody knows you're a lesbian," she whispered. "And I don't want people to assume the same about me." Jamie didn't say another word. She turned her face to the window and watched the traffic crawl by. They arrived at the airport a good ten minutes after their flight had left. Jamie hefted her bag over her shoulder, then took her rolling bag and set it on the sidewalk. She paid the driver, asked for a receipt, and started to walk, ignoring Juliet, who passed her and kept going. Jamie stood right behind her teammate at the ticket gate, and she heard the agent say, "Yes, I can upgrade you to first class." Juliet finished with her transaction, then went to sit down and wait for boarding. Jamie smiled at the agent. "I can upgrade you, too, Ms. Evans." "No, thanks," Jamie said. "I like the people in coach much better." * * * * * * It was nearly 9:00 p.m. when Ryan opened the front door of her home. She dropped her bag loudly, then stood still, looking up the stairs expectantly. Her expression changed into a luminous smile when Jamie bolted out of their bedroom and ran down the stairs. With a very brief warning, she leapt from the second step and flew into Ryan's arms, hanging on tight when they banged into the wall. "Miss me?" Ryan asked. Without waiting for a response, she kissed her partner while slowly lowering her to the floor. Jamie held onto Ryan's strong body with all of her strength. Her eyes were closed and she murmured into her lover's jacket, "I can't even tell you how much I missed you." Ryan grasped her shoulders and pushed her just far enough away to see into her eyes. "What's wrong?" Jamie shook her head and burrowed back into Ryan's warm body. "Nothing. Just the usual." Reveling in holding her lover again, Ryan just leaned against the wall and ran her hand through Jamie's soft hair for a long time. When the blonde sighed heavily and moved away, Ryan grasped her hand. They walked into the kitchen together, in silent acknowledgment that Ryan always needed a snack when she returned from a game. Ryan poked her head into the refrigerator and looked for just a moment before she realized that Jamie had been gone since the previous week and couldn't have refilled the larder. "Did you have dinner?" she asked. "Yeah. I got a burger on the way home. I had the taxi go through the drive-through window at McDonalds." Ryan stood up and looked at her. "What? Why were you in a taxi?" Jamie moved past her, opened the freezer and took out a bagel. "Cream cheese and tomato?" "Yeah. That'd be great." Ryan watched her move to the microwave to defrost the bagel, wondering when Jamie was going to tell her what was on her mind. She sat at the counter, content to be in the same room for the first time in a few days. After setting the timer on the microwave, Jamie turned around and saw her partner gazing at her. "Happy to be home?" "Yeah. Not very happy to be leaving tomorrow. How about you?" "I'm not very happy about leaving, either. But I'm gonna like my traveling companion. Unlike today." She went to the cutlery drawer and took out a knife. Leaning against the counter, she slapped the flat of the blade against her hand. "If I'd had this knife this afternoon, I'd probably be in police custody right now." "Will you please tell me what's bugging you? I'm tired of being patient." Jamie smiled at her. "Sorry, babe. I just hate to bitch about that idiot again." "Juliet rears her ugly head again?" "Yep. We were paired together today and our round was delayed because there was lightning in the area. We had to take a cab to the airport, and we missed our flight." "Uck. So you had to fly home with just her, huh?" "No, two other girls were on the flight with us, but we didn't sit together 'cause we got to the airport at different times." "So you had to sit with Juliet and that bugged you?" Ryan was fishing for every bit of information and she was tiring of the game. Her expression conveyed her frustration, and Jamie finally said, "I'm sorry, honey. I'm just … I'm sick of her. She's … damn, she's so fucking frustrating!" Ryan got up and put her arms around her lover. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'll just assume she was being a jerk and got to you a little bit." Jamie smiled up at her. "Just as well. She isn't worth the trouble." Even though she knew Jamie always felt better when she vented a little, Ryan let her keep her feelings to herself. They gently held each other until the microwave beeped and Ryan's empty stomach took precedence. * * * * * * Mia stood in the surprisingly spacious kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. Jordan always wanted to help, but Mia hated to ask her to do any work around the house-since she worked so hard during the day. Their meals were always simple, due to Mia's inexperience in the kitchen and Jordan's dietary requirements, so cleanup was equally simple. She dried her hands and went into their room, to find Jordan dozing lightly. Jordan tried to be lively in the evenings, but Mia knew it was a struggle for her. Having never seriously participated in a sport, Mia didn't truly understand how demanding a world-class sport was-but she saw the results of those demands. She knew that Jordan would snooze all evening long if she wasn't there, and she occasionally wondered if that wouldn't be the best thing for her lover. But Jordan wouldn't hear of it. As soon as Mia entered the room, she was awake, trying to look like she was ready-for-action. "Wanna do anything tonight?" "I don't have a need to," Mia said, even though she did. Jordan frequently offered, but Mia knew her heart wasn't in going out. And neither of them knew where to go or what to do, since neither had spent any time investigating Colorado Springs. Mia knew it was her responsibility to search around, since she had a car and plenty of time, but she didn't want to do touristy things by herself. She stretched out on the bed and cuddled up to her partner. "I wish I'd brought Jamie's bike with me. I know she's not using it, and it would be great exercise to ride it on the hills around here." "Mmm … she'd send it to you if you asked," Jordan said. "But I know you wouldn't ask." "Never," Mia agreed. "I looked into joining a gym, but every one I called charged a fairly expensive fee just to join. I hate to pay a fee for a local club that I won't be able to use when we go home." Jordan gave her a weak smile. "It might be a while before I go home permanently, baby. If we do well in Sydney, I don't think I'll be able to walk away." Mia patted her on the stomach, feeling the depression where her belly used to be. "Let's stay in the present, okay? We don't know what the future's gonna hold." Jordan rolled onto her side and regarded Mia with a concerned look. "Are you sorry you came?" "No!" She slapped her gently on the hip. "Never! I'm very, very happy that I'm with you." "But you're bored," Jordan said. "You have to be." Mia smiled and gave her a little tickle. "I'd be a pretty boring person if I were perfectly content, wouldn't I? But I'll find my groove. It's just gonna take a while. I was thinking," she said, drawing patterns on Jordan's side, "that we might consider moving to a smaller place." Jordan's eyes grew wide and she scanned the room. "Smaller than this?" "No, silly. A one bedroom. For just us. Even a studio would be okay." Nodding, Jordan said, "You don't like it here." "I don't dislike it. It's just a place to sleep, and that's all that I need. Heck, I had to be talked into this. I was happy to stay in the dorm at the training facility." Mia knew her partner was more than frugal, but she couldn't let the point pass. "I think I'd be happier … I know I'd be happier if we had our own apartment. I hate the lack of privacy, I hate sharing a bathroom with two other people, and I hate not even having a chair to sit on. It's depressing to be here all day, honey, and there are only so many hours I can sit in a library or bookstore." Jordan sat up abruptly. "I knew you weren't happy," she grumbled. "I just didn't wanna admit it." Mia grasped her T-shirt and pulled her down, then kissed her tenderly. "I am happy-with you. I just want some privacy-to be with you." Blowing out a breath, Jordan asked, "Do you know how much a studio would cost?" "I haven't done any research. But I could." "All right." The lines on her forehead showed that her feelings didn't match her words. Mia touched her chin and looked into Jordan's eyes. "What's on your mind? Talk to me." Jordan shrugged away from the contact and stood up. She ran her hands through her hair and stood, motionless for a few seconds, obviously thinking. "It's almost the end of March. We'll probably move out of here at the beginning of September. It doesn't make much sense to move when we'll just be here a few more months, but I'll do it if you're unhappy." "I said I'll do it if you're unhappy." "I heard you," Mia said. "I just don't understand what you're talking about. Why would we move in September?" Looking puzzled, Jordan said, "Jill rented this place last September. The lease is up in August." "But I thought you wanted to stay with the team after the games." "I probably will … kinda," Jordan said. "What in the hell does that mean?" "The team disbands after the games. Everyone goes her own way until the 2004 team is chosen. I mean … it's kind of a given that you'll be offered a spot if you do well in Sydney and keep playing, but it's not a lock." Mia stood and put her hands on Jordan's hips. "I'm thoroughly confused. Where would you play?" "Depends," Jordan said. "I have to see how I do, and see who's interested in me." Nearly yelling, Mia asked, "Who might be interested?" Jordan looked thoroughly confused. "I don't know … probably a European team. That's the only place that has professional volleyball. I thought we could kinda look around when we start to travel. See where we might like to live." "See where we might like to live." Mia repeated the words, but they didn't make sense to her. "Yeah. We start our European tour in three weeks. I've got close to $10,000 that I've put aside for you to travel with me. We've gotta start shopping for airfare to Madrid. That's our first stop." "Yeah." Jordan smiled. "See how time flies?" "I … I had no idea. You've never mentioned travel plans." "Really?" Jordan gave her a perplexed smile. "We have to travel to get in shape for Sydney. But it's gonna be cool! We're gonna see the world, honey! Spain, Japan, Eastern Europe. That's why I've tried to watch my spending. We'll need every bit of the money I've saved for airfare and hotel rooms." Mia tried to keep her smile bright, but all she could think of was sitting in a hotel watching television in a foreign language while Jordan practiced and played. "Do many other spouses or boyfriends go on these trips?" "No, I don't think so. Most people can't get the time off." She put her hand under Mia's T-shirt and flicked her belly-ring. "You don't have that problem." "No, I sure don't," she said. "I'm free as a bird." In a really boring cage. * * * * * * Return to the Academy

Sex and Censorship During the Occupation of Japan This chapter entitled “Sex and Censorship During the Occupation of Japan” is excerpted from Mark McLelland’s Love, Sex and Democracy in Japan during the American Occupation (Palgrave MacMillan 2012). The book examines the radical changes that took place in Japanese ideas about sex, romance and male-female relations in the wake of Japan’s defeat and occupation by Allied forces at the end of the Second World War. Although there have been other studies that have focused on sexual and romantic relationships between Japanese women and US military personnel, little attention has been given to how the Occupation impacted upon the courtship practices of Japanese men and women. This book adds an important dimension so far lacking in studies of Japan’s sexual mores during the Occupation period. The book is based on extensive archival research into popular magazines and newspapers as well as a range of sexological publications including sex guides, reports and manuals published during the Occupation and immediately after. Whereas other studies have looked at the impact of top-down policies on Japanese attitudes and behavior, this book offers a “bottom up” account of ideas and practices circulating in the popular press between 1945 and 1953. Although the main focus of the book is on heterosexual discourse and practice, the postwar period also saw the rapid development of a range of sexual minority subcultures and both male and female homosexuality are discussed as are a range of heterosexual “perversions,” including both male and female cross-dressing and sado-masochism, that were sources of fascination in the early postwar years. The chapter excerpted here sets up the basic argument of the book: that the US-led Occupation provided an enabling context for new developments in Japanese-Japanese sex and gender relations that have been overlooked to a certain extent due to the scholarly attention devoted to the problematic nature of inter-racial fraternization during the Occupation. Historian of sexuality Shimokawa Kōshi has described the first three years of the Occupation, from 1945 to 1948, as a time of “sexual anarchy,” 1 and it is true that many accounts describe the early postwar years as a period of “sexual liberation.” Igarashi Yoshikuni, in particular, has stressed the very visceral sense of release that many Japanese people experienced at the war’s end.2 As we saw in the previous chapter, the militarist authorities had established pervasive surveillance and censorship mechanisms that seriously constrained the expression of sexuality by men and particularly by women. Prostitution was tightly controlled and limited to specific licensed areas, unmarried male and female couples had almost no opportunity to mingle socially, and sexual expression in the press was stymied by the threat of prosecution by the “thought police.” All these restrictions were removed within the first few months of the Occupation. However, anarchy is probably not quite the right term since it suggests a complete freedom from formal control. But, as we will see, sexuality continued to be highly regulated and supervised, albeit in different ways and with different goals in mind. The Japanese authorities fully expected that the incoming Americans would behave in the same rapacious manner as had their own forces when they advanced across China and were determined to put in place measures to protect the purity of Japanese women. The US administration, on the other hand, rather than viewing their troops as sexual predators, tended to see these young men as “clean, innocent and vulnerable” and in danger of “having their morals corrupted and their health destroyed” by “shameless Japanese women.”3 The policies that the Allies enacted were intended to protect their own troops’ physical wellbeing, with scant regard paid to their effects on Japanese women and society. Both authorities, Japanese and Occupier, were overwhelmingly concerned to regulate “fraternization” between local women and foreign troops, and many academic studies have examined in detail the lengths to which both sides went to monitor and restrict potential inter-racial sexual contacts.4 However, far less attention has been paid to the effects that the collapse of the military regime and the arrival of the American forces had upon Japanese male and female interaction and the representation of sexual discourse in the Japanese media. This chapter outlines some of the major policy decisions taken by the Occupation administration, particularly regarding the regulation of obscenity in the press that helped shape local Japanese sexual cultures during the Occupation period. Background to the Occupation Japan’s conflict with the United States and its Allies, which turned into open warfare after Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, was but one episode in a much broader conflict instigated by Japan that began as far back as the “Manchurian Incident” in 1931. With a growing population and limited homeland resources, the Japanese militarists had long been eyeing the vast and, from their perspective, underexploited resources in the northeast Chinese territory of Manchuria. In 1931 the Japanese military staged an attack on the Japanese-owned South Manchuria railway that they blamed on Chinese dissidents as a pretext for sending in troops to occupy the region. The Japanese then set up a puppet state in Manchuria under the new name of Manchukuo. The failure of the League of Nations (precursor to the United Nations) to recognize Japan’s sovereignty over this newly created state led to Japan’s walk out from the organization in 1933 resulting in deteriorating relations with the US and Britain. The Manchurian Incident was the beginning of what the Japanese refer to as the “fifteen years war,” the entrance to the “dark valley” that was to lead to fullscale warfare with China in 1937, war with the US and the Allied nations in 1941, and the total physical and moral collapse of the Japanese nation in 1945. After the success of Japan’s surprise attack on Pearl Harbor, a series of stunning Japanese victories saw the British defeated in Singapore and Hong Kong and the Americans routed in the Philippines. However, despite these early successes the Japanese military soon overextended its capacity and was unable to sustain its advances on multiple fronts in the Pacific. The tide turned against the Japanese after they lost the key battle of the Midway Islands in 1942. From this point on US forces gained the upper hand and after further victories in the islands of Guadalcanal, Tarawa and Saipan, by 1944 the Americans were readying themselves for an attack on Japan’s home islands. The incendiary bombings that began in May 1944 saw Tokyo largely destroyed with the loss of eighty thousand civilians on the night of March 9, 1945. The destruction of 64 Japanese cities by firebombing followed immediately. By this time the situation for most civilians, especially in the cities, was dire. All basic necessities such as food, clothing, shelter and medicine were in short supply and the continuing air raids made it seem as though there was no future to fight for. News of the instantaneous destruction of Hiroshima, and a few days later, Nagasaki, by the unimaginably powerful new atom bomb in August 1945 confirmed the hopelessness of the situation. By the war’s end the Japanese people had entered a state described at the time as kyodatsu or total physical and mental collapse. It therefore came as something of a relief to many when the Emperor finally made his radio proclamation announcing Japan’s surrender on August 15, 1945. When the advance guard of the Occupation forces arrived in Japan in early September 1945, Tokyo lay in ruins. It is almost impossible to imagine the scenes of destruction that greeted the arrival of the American soldiers. It was not just the scale of physical destruction, especially in major cities such as Tokyo, Yokohama, and Kawasaki that was confronting, but the almost unimaginable scale of human desolation and misery. In Tokyo hundreds of thousands of people were starving, camped out among the ruins of burnt-out neighborhoods. In many areas there was no running water, no electricity, no shops, no transport, no food, no shelter. There was, of course, no waste disposal, and the destroyed cities stank like a sewer. Tokyo in ruins, March 10, 1945. Ishikawa Koyo British correspondent John Morris, who had lived in Japan prior to the outbreak of hostilities, wrote upon his return to Tokyo in 1946 that “To understand what has happened it is useless to think in terms of destruction as we came to know it in Europe; you have to give a new meaning to the word.”5 Travelling around the city trying to visit old haunts and gain news of Japanese friends, he wrote that “you just travel from one ash heap to another and although the names of the districts are, of course, unchanged, there is little else by which to recognize them.”6 The situation in major cities like Tokyo actually deteriorated over the coming months as five million Japanese, both military from the battlefronts and civilians from the former colonies, began to be repatriated—many with no homes or families to return to.7 Tokyo was full of “drifting human wreckage,”8 both “burnt outs” and “repatriates,” all with shocking stories of loss and privation to tell. Many had not simply lost their homes and possessions but sometimes their entire families had been killed in the incendiary raids during the closing months of the war. They had seen the bloated bodies of their neighbors, burned beyond recognition, stacked by the roadside waiting to be carted away to mass graves. Simply keeping their own bodies alive for one more day was all many survivors could hope for. Those returning to Japan from the colonies, demobilized soldiers and civilians alike, had often suffered terrible journeys. The civilians had effectively been abandoned by the military at the close of the war and left to fend for themselves in hostile territory. Able only to bring what they could carry, farmers who had migrated to Manchuria in search of a new life, had had to leave the fruits of years of toil behind. Trying to get back to Japan, harried by the advancing Soviet army and Chinese bandits, some had abandoned sick or elderly relatives and others had sold or given away their children to Chinese families, believing that this was the only way to ensure their children’s survival. Homelessness was just one problem among many. People were also sick, wounded and malnourished. Children, many of whom had lost their parents and even their entire families in the air raids, were a particularly pathetic sight, left friendless and alone among the rubble. Children in their teens, both boys and girls, would soon start to sell their bodies—to Allied soldiers as well as Japanese with food or money to spare—in order to survive.9 Some women, in a state of utter desperation, would shamelessly proposition men in full view of others, offering sex in exchange for money or just something to eat.10 People were “forced to live ‘bamboo sprout fashion,’ selling off their possessions one after another as young bamboo shoots quickly shed their sheathing leaves.”11 What food was available was rationed and distributed via the same neighborhood associations that had been set up to ensure community compliance with wartime restrictions. However, the amount and quality of food was pitiable and delivery unreliable, forcing most people to turn to the rapidly developing black market.12 One of the most common meals available in the marketplaces was zanpan shichū, “leftovers stew.” Made from edible items picked out from the refuse discarded by Occupation facilities and served out of huge oil drums, it was not unusual to find discarded condoms among the ingredients.13 As one eye witness noted at the time, “Words like democracy and liberty can have little meaning for a people whose whole energies must at present inevitably be devoted to solving the difficulties of mere existence.”14 Yet it was the democratization of Japan that General Douglas MacArthur, the Supreme Commander for Allied Powers, saw as the ultimate goal of the American mission, a goal he pursued with determination. The Supreme Commander for Allied Powers Although more correctly referred to as the Allied Occupation of Japan, since representatives of all the Allied nations—the Soviet Union, China, and the British Commonwealth as well as the US—had personnel in Tokyo,15 Japan’s post-defeat reconstruction was an American-dominated affair and is largely remembered by the Japanese as an “American Occupation.” Plans to administer Japan had already been drawn up by the US State Department in the closing months of the war. Although each of the Allied powers had a voice in the Far Eastern Commission, a Washington based body representing the interests of all Allied nations, in practice, General Douglas MacArthur, given the title Supreme Commander for the Allied Forces or SCAP (a title that was used interchangeably for the Occupation authorities in general) wielded complete control over Occupation policy. MacArthur set up his general headquarters (GHQ) in Hibiya opposite the imperial palace and proceeded to rule indirectly over Japan via the organs of the existing Japanese government. Local military organizations were set up across Japan and these teams served to channel the thousands of memorandums, orders and directives received from GHQ to local Japanese administrators who were responsible for enacting them. MacArthur, who was a devout Christian, introduced an almost messianic tone into Occupation attempts to reconstruct Japan according to democratic principles. During the six-and-a-half years of the Occupation, a range of initiatives attempted not only to dismantle the militarist infrastructure of the wartime regime but to proactively create new structures and thought patterns reflective of democratic principles. This was no small task. In the wake of defeat, the Japanese people were in transition as an “imagined community.”16 The militarist paradigm had posited the Japanese as a superior race descended from a divine Emperor all of whom shared a common spirit that set them apart both from the backward countries of Asia and the materially advanced yet spiritually corrupt societies of the West. The Japanese during wartime were a good example of what Mary Louise Pratt, drawing on Benedict Anderson, refers to as “citizen-soldiers,” connected via a “deep horizontal comradeship” that allowed “millions of people not so much to kill as willingly to die.”17 This model of community Pratt terms fraternal, but in the context of the Japanese “family state” headed by the Emperor, is better described as filial. However, Japan’s catastrophic defeat resulting in the instantaneous loss of its colonies and the Occupation of the homeland by an enemy force, seriously undermined the imperialist ideology that had underpinned the war effort. Under American guidance, the Japanese were now encouraged to re-imagine themselves, this time in terms of Western paradigms of nationhood based on the ideals of “equality, fraternity, [and] liberty.”18 The Japanese were encouraged to come together once again in a project of national construction, this time founded on democratic principles. With this end in mind two different organizations were set up to help inculcate democratic thinking among the Japanese. The Civil Censorship Detachment (CCD) was entrusted with rooting out ideologies associated with the militarist regime through a strict policy of pre-publication screening of all Japanese print media. Its remit also included the screening of some mail and telecommunications. The Civil Information and Education section (CIE), on the other hand, had the task of encouraging democratic thought through intervening in the pre-production stages of all aspects of the Japanese media so as to ensure that democratic ideals were properly embedded. This had some unforeseen consequences as will be discussed later. SCAP’s program of reform began with the dismantling of Japan’s empire and the repatriation of Japanese military and civilian administrators who were scattered about the region. A series of purges sought to identify and hold to account individuals who had held positions of responsibility in Japan’s war effort and numerous high-profile officers were tried for war crimes, some given long sentences and a small number sent to the gallows. The zaibatsu, or massive industrial conglomerates, that had profited from Japan’s overseas colonies and fuelled the militarist economy were dismantled so as to make room from more small and medium size enterprises. Land reforms saw the huge holdings of the landlord class broken up and allocations made to tenant farmers. Japan’s aristocracy was abolished and the Emperor, albeit allowed to keep his exalted position, was required to renounce his divinity and assume the role of a constitutional monarch. These structural reforms, which took place at a bewildering pace, were also accompanied by a range of educational and cultural initiatives aimed at reorienting Japanese attitudes toward basic democratic principles. One of the main areas considered in need of reform was the traditional status of women. Throughout the long war years the Japanese government had instigated paternalistic policies regulating gender roles, particularly where the behavior of women was concerned. Likewise, the US Occupation authorities were keen to involve themselves in gender policy in an attempt to “liberate” Japanese women from what were considered feudalistic customs, attitudes and practices. As Mire Koikari points out, “American occupiers felt tremendous zeal and enthusiasm for their project of liberating Japanese women and intervened extensively in Japanese gender relations.”19 Under close scrutiny from SCAP, the Japanese constitution and labor and family laws were extensively rewritten so as to enfranchise women and dismantle the “household system” that had given family patriarchs considerable influence over women’s lives, including choice of marriage partner. Article 14 of the 1947 Constitution was progressive for the time, outlawing discrimination on the basis of “race, creed, sex, social status or family origin.” Article 24 explicitly addressed the imbalance between the rights of women and men under the previous Civil Code, requiring that marriage “be based on the mutual consent of both sexes” and that it should be “maintained through mutual cooperation with equal rights of husband and wife as basis.” Alongside choice of spouse, “other matters pertaining to marriage and the family,” namely property rights, choice of domicile and inheritance, were also to be “enacted from the standpoint of…the essential equality of the sexes.”20 These measures were enacted in the face of fierce opposition from the Japanese authorities who rightly recognized that they “threaten[ed] the basis of male domination and female subordination in the family.”21 Susan Pharr notes that “Japanese authorities made a persistent effort to dilute, omit, or change the intent of SCAP’s women’s rights provisions.”22 In particular, they attempted to insert clauses that acknowledged women’s supposed “different” (that is, inferior) physical and moral capabilities and social functions. Of course, as Pharr points out, the Americans were not advocating a radical feminist agenda; rather “they accepted the idea that woman’s primary role in adult life is to be wife and mother, but believed that married women simultaneously could and should play other roles as well, such as citizen, worker, and participant in civic and social groups.”23 However there was one aspect of social life during the Occupation in which Japanese women’s participation was not welcomed, and that was in interactions with male military personnel. The politics of fraternization Despite SCAP’s high ideals of liberating Japanese womanhood from centuries of feudal oppression, the lifting of one set of constraints only led to the imposition of others. Japanese-American relations were fraught with anxieties concerning the deleterious effects of “fraternization,” especially where Japanese women and American men were concerned. These anxieties were strong on both sides. In the few weeks between Japan’s capitulation and the arrival of the first US soldiers, Japanese officials had warned the population to send young women away to relatives in the countryside, or if their young daughters and wives must remain in the cities, to keep them indoors.24 Although the atrocities perpetrated by Japanese troops on the women of their former colonies, not least the military-endorsed system of “comfort stations” had not been reported in the Japanese media, at the time of Japan’s defeat it was estimated that there were some 84,000 “comfort” women across the territories controlled by Japan.25 There would have been few men among the military or civil administrations in these areas who were unaware of the poor treatment these women had received. Furthermore, Japanese wartime propaganda had painted a similarly unattractive picture of US soldiers as had been typical of American propaganda concerning the Japanese themselves, and it was widely expected that the incoming troops would violate Japanese women. As Igarashi points out, “many Japanese anticipated their encounter with the arriving Americans in sexual terms.”26 The scenes of mass rape and pillage envisioned by the authorities did not, however, eventuate, although there were sporadic reports of rape and abductions by the newly arrived American forces. On 31 August GIs in a jeep abducted two Japanese schoolgirls and subjected them to gang rape on the banks of the Tama River. The next day a separate group of GIs invaded a home near the air base in Atsugi and raped three sisters, one of whom died from the injuries she sustained. On 3 September GIs raped a mother and daughter, and the mother later killed herself. On 10 September, before the new censorship regime that would prohibit negative reports about Allied personnel had been put in place, the Mainichi newspaper reported nine rapes as having taken place in the first week of the Occupation, although there were many other incidents that were not reported.27 Shocking although these individual instances were, they did not point toward sexual abuse on a mass scale as had happened during the Japanese occupation of Chinese cities such as Nanking,28 and the panic concerning the arrival of the foreign troops soon subsided. Demonstrating the long standing grouping of women into two opposing “professional” and “chaste” camps, Japanese officials went about recruiting an organization of sex-workers who might act as a “female floodwall” to protect “daughters from good families” from the rapacious sexual appetite of the foreign occupiers. Registered sex workers as well as poor young women with no other options for survival were recruited to serve in the Recreation and Amusement Association (RAA), comprising a series of establishments designated as “restaurants,” “dance halls,” and “beer halls” but essentially serving as brothels for the incoming military personnel.29 Yasuura House, one RAA facility Licensed prostitution was legal in Japan and the authorities had had a great deal of experience in providing “comfort” facilities for the Japanese troops. The RAA was thus set up “with extraordinary speed and showed a remarkable ability to secure buildings and facilities in short supply.”30 The recruitment procedure was anything but clandestine; indeed, advertisements for “special female workers” were placed in mainstream newspapers.31 In most prefectures throughout Japan it was the police who were ordered to recruit both licensed and unlicensed prostitutes and encourage them to cooperate as well as supervise the establishments to make sure that things did not get out of hand. Although, unlike the comfort system set up for the Japanese troops, most of the women recruited by the RAA offered their services out of choice, it was a choice made under duress. The offer of free food and housing came at a time when “the entire population of Japan was suffering from food shortages, and malnutrition and starvation were widespread.”32 For many young women, including some who were still high-school girls, there were no other options available. The most notorious facility set up by the RAA was known as the International Palace, or “IP,” described by an eye-witness as “probably the largest brothel in the world.”33 Its “assembly line” set up which enabled a soldier to deposit his shoes at the entrance and “pick them up, cleaned and shined, at the other end” after he had finished his business was reminiscent of the barrack-like comfort stations set up for Japanese troops in the colonies. In an attempt to prevent the spread of venereal disease the Japanese authorities released a stockpile of one-million eight-hundred-thousand condoms for use in this and other similar facilities.34 However, given the scale of women involved (some 10,000 in Tokyo alone),35 it proved impossible to prevent venereal disease, which soon spread out of control among the sex workers as well as the troops. Alarmed by the sudden increase in infections among the Occupation forces, SCAP introduced a range of measures, including compulsory health checks among women working in the “service industry” and the release of its valuable supply of penicillin to treat infections. At the instigation of the Army and Navy Chaplains Association, which was worried about the “moral degradation” that mixing with prostitutes would engender among the troops, the authorities also began to place more emphasis on education programs.36 A series of seminars and workshops was set up, aimed at promoting “continence, character, guidance, provision of religious education and physical education”37 in an attempt to stem the VD epidemic through “building character.”38 From this point onwards the American authorities devoted ever-increasing energy to attempts to educate their men about correct attitudes toward sexuality.39 SCAP, was also embarrassed at how the long lines of young men queuing up outside these “leisure facilities” looked in reports in the American media, and ordered the “licensed prostitution system” to be disbanded at the beginning of 1946.40 The result was that sex workers were either driven onto the streets or into unlicensed and unmonitored premises and it became even harder to monitor their health or prevent the transmission of sexual diseases. SCAP responded by ordering the forcible round up of women who were found out on the streets after a certain hour, detaining them over night, and requiring them to undergo medical examination at the Yoshiwara hospital, “sometimes with snickering MPs nearby.”41 Many women on other business, including women working for GHQ, one female member of the Diet, and even a cross-dressed man42 were caught up in these roundups. One young woman was so humiliated by the treatment she received that she later committed suicide. A report in the Asahi newspaper noted that the autopsy had revealed her to be a virgin.43 SCAP responded to this negative publicity by transferring the responsibility for the roundups onto the Japanese police thus inadvertently reinstating their wartime duty as guardians of public morals. The closing of the licensed brothels marked the beginning of greater clampdowns on “fraternization” between Japanese women and male Occupation personnel through limiting access to the places where inter-racial liaisons might be made. Japanese restaurants had always been off limits due to the local food shortages, but from March 1946, bars, cafes, theaters, cinemas and even river banks and beaches were placed off limits.44 Facilities set up for SCAP personnel were likewise made off limits to Japanese people and the military police spent a lot of time trying to prevent or interrupt liaisons between the Americans and Japanese. Some MPs acted like bullies, not unlike the “Special Police” who had exercised a great deal of moral control over the civilian population during the war and many Japanese who witnessed the imperious manner of the MPs must have been left wondering just how their behavior could be reconciled with American notions of freedom and democracy. Yet despite these efforts to discourage fraternization and the discovery of the great effectiveness of penicillin in curing venereal disease, anxieties about contamination – not just of bodies but also of minds – actually increased as the Cold War set in. Mire Koikari notes that “sexual and moral issues were understood in political terms, as containment narratives made a clear connection among venereal disease infection, sexual and moral laxity, communist menace, and American national (in)security.”45 Hence it is not surprising that the regulation of American male sexuality intensified during this time and was to reach a peak during the Cold War years of the 1950s. As Koikari demonstrates, among the Occupation authorities “preexisting understandings of sexuality and morality were being reconfigured within the Cold War containment context” resulting in “hegemonic understandings that linked sexuality, body, religion, nation and anti-Communism.”46 However, there were movements within Japanese popular culture that were going in quite contrary directions. Rather than a closing down of sexual discourse during the Occupation years, there was a vast proliferation of discourses of sexuality that were by no means contained within a marital or even heterosexual framework. The “Cold War sexual containment of American servicemen”47 thus stands in contrast to the opening up of sexual opportunities for Japanese men (and women) to explore not only heterosexual but a range of other sexual options, as demonstrated by discourses widely available in the popular press. To understand how discussion of sexuality was considered to have been “liberated” in the Japanese press in the immediate postwar environment, we need to look in detail at the censorship regime instigated by the Occupation authorities and the role given to the Japanese police in enforcing obscenity legislation. Press Censorship under the Occupation Although such alarmingly “modern” trends as working women and love marriages had been discussed in Japan in the late 20s and early 30s as part of a popular cultural movement commonly referred to as ero-guro-nansensu (erotic, grotesque nonsense), from 1933 onwards Japan’s descent into militarism severely curtailed the freedom with which such frivolous topics could be discussed in the press. From 1939 the government control of paper supplies made it all but impossible to print material disapproved of by the authorities and “even the word ‘kiss’ was banned.”48 Sex, to the extent that it was discussed at all in the wartime press, was represented as a means of managing “human resources” (ningen shigen) and not as a source of pleasure or relationship building.49 During the war, the strict censorship and shortage of paper had seen the number of publishing companies in Japan dwindle to only a few hundred. However, by 1948 the number of publishers had risen to an astonishing number of 4,581 before falling back to 1, 541 by 1953.50 This was in large part due to one of the first acts of the Occupation authorities, announced on September 27, 1945 (known as SCAPIN 66), requiring the Japanese Government “to render inoperative the procedures for enforcement of peace-time and war-time restrictions on freedom of the press and freedom of communications.”51 Another pronouncement on October 4 (SCAPIN 93) further prohibited the Japanese government from interfering in freedom of thought or expression and encouraged unqualified media discussion of the Japanese government and the Emperor.52 As Etō Jun53 points out, SCAP’s censorship policy is a compelling frame through which to view the nature of Japanese-American interaction during the Occupation. SCAP was concerned not simply to dismantle Japan’s wartime government, institutions and machinery but also to re-engineer Japanese culture. A range of policy initiatives were “aimed at transforming not only Japanese thinking but even the deep-seated memories of the Japanese mind itself.”54 There was a certain irony in this process, for the “common sense” understanding among the victors was that the Japanese people had been deliberately misled and coerced into adopting a fascist mentality through a range of “top-down” government initiatives and institutions. In order to reverse this situation, not only was it necessary to dismantle the systems through which these thought practices had been engendered–the armed forces, the police, the political, economic and education systems–but it was also necessary to retrain the Japanese in “democratic” ways of thinking and acting. Paradoxically, one of the main ways in which democracy was promoted was via censorship of anything that reeked of the old, feudal order. Despite the fact that in a memorandum issued on September 10, 1945, SCAP “decreed that there shall be an absolute minimum of restrictions upon freedom of speech,”55 from 1945 throughout 1949, the Civil Censorship Detachment56 did in fact enforce a “very strict censorship operation over Japanese media: newspapers, radio scripts, motion pictures, dramatic productions, phonographic records, books, magazines and newspapers.” So thorough was the censorship regime that “not even…kamishibai (paper picture-card shows for children) could escape the scrutiny of the Occupation censors.”57 Media censorship was overseen by three Occupation organizations: the Civil Communications Section (CCS), the Civil Censorship Detachment (CCD) and the Civil Information and Education Section (CIE). The CCS was given oversight of the more technical and administrative aspects of broadcasting. The CCD handled all forms of censorship pertaining to material broadcast, in print or on screen, with the specific purpose of rooting out anti-democratic thought. The CIE had more of a mentoring role aimed at educating media producers about their democratic responsibilities, based on American models. Hence Japanese commentators have argued that The reconstruction of Japan involved massive educational effort through books, periodicals, motion pictures and other cultural media. As an antidote to Japanese imperialism, the American and Western way of life functioned as a representation of democracy, and as such it was distributed, and favorably shared by the Japanese people.58 Hiromi Ochi goes so far as to argue that one result of this paternalistic guidance regime was “a self-colonizing hegemony” on the part of the Japanese people, many of whom accepted unquestioningly the superiority of the American way of life. However, as will be seen below, the lifting of the wartime censorship regime enabled a range of previously suppressed Japanese voices to speak, often with unforeseen consequences for both the Allied and Japanese authorities. One factor that encouraged the outpouring of erotic material was that SCAP’s policies concerning press censorship largely overlooked depictions of sex, eroticism or “obscenity” in general. 59 The Press Code for Japan put forward on 19 September 1945 provided an extensive list of guidelines regarding prohibited material.60 There were three general areas under surveillance: any criticism of the Allied authorities, any kind of “propaganda,” and any reference to daily problems (such as food shortages). But absent from the policy was mention of morals or regulations concerning obscenity. In fact, the Occupation authorities made it clear that they were not responsible for policing material of a salacious or “immoral” nature, that being the job of the Japanese police who, under paragraph 175 of the legal code, were vested with powers to prohibit “obscenity” in print and other media.61 For instance, the censorship records for the magazine Momoiro raifu (Pink life), dated August 22, 1949, contain the oft-recorded note that “the publishers have been advised that censorship approval does not mean exemption of publication [sic, prosecution] from Japanese laws involving penalties for publication of obscene material.” 62 The comparatively lax attitude taken by US authorities toward sexual expression in the Japanese press was a source of conflict with the Soviet Union (also nominally an occupying power) who would have preferred greater control in this area.63 Like the pre-surrender Japanese regime, the Soviet state and its media “stressed sexuality in the service of the nation and shunned explicit and erotic representations of sex as bourgeois.”64 The US authorities, however, left sexual expression concerning the local Japanese population largely unregulated. Hence, the dismantling of the militarist censorship system led to a vast proliferation of salacious material and very little effort was made by Occupation authorities to restrain freedom of expression in this area. Only six months after Japan’s defeat, a vivacious print culture known as kasutori65or “the dregs,” including newspapers and magazines specializing in “sex journalism” (sei jānarizumu), had emerged as a conspicuous forum for the discussion of sex and eroticism. The kasutori publishing industry was but one expression of the “chaotic, hybrid nature of Japanese popular culture in the late 1940s.”66 The kasutori press, in a series of reports that left little to the imagination, commonly portrayed the immediate postwar period as one of “sexual liberation” (sei kaihō).67 Hence, in the immediate postwar period, it became possible to discuss sex publicly with unprecedented freedom in the public sphere. Indeed, even the graffiti in public toilets was said to have “been liberated.”68 Christine Marran argues that in order to distract the population from the activities of the Occupation forces, the Japanese cabinet “cooperated with the new government to create the ‘3-S’ strategy, that allowed, even promoted what were called the three S’s of sports, screen and sex.”69 In fact, one magazine with the title Esu (S) expanded this list even further, advertising its contents as including “Screen, Stage, Show, Sports, Style, Sing, Song, Story, Sense, Smile, Summertime, Step, Studio,” and last, but not least, “Sex.”70 American Journalist Ralph Chapman, writing at the time, noted that “the U.S. Army censors…and General MacArthur’s Civil Information and Education Section did nothing to stem the tide of obscene writing that at one time threatened to engulf the entire publishing field.”71 Chapman put the “lost standards” of Japan’s publishing industry down to MacArthur’s removal of the imperialist regime’s censorship mechanisms alongside the continuing shortage of paper. With little oversight of material once considered injurious to public morals, and in a situation where paper was expensive and in short supply, publishers refused “to gamble paper on anything that was not sure-fire,” the result being presses turning out what he described as “lurid tripe.”72 John Dower points to a survey of some sixteen-hundred issues of kasutori magazines that found the predominant “symbolic images” included “kissing, strip shows, underpants, panpan and ‘leisurely women’, chastity, incest, masturbation and lonely widows.”73 The censorship regime set up by the Occupation authorities was rather different from that pertaining during the militarist period. In both pre- and wartime Japan the authorities had been open about their intent to censor speech and writing in the national interest and many publications went to press with offending words and passages simply deleted or represented by circular marks or Xs.74 When books in their entirety were banned, this was reported in the media, and lists of banned authors were circulated to publishers. Hence it was obvious to authors what topics were likely to be banned and it was relatively easy for authors and editors to gauge what kind of comments were considered problematic from the excised passages. SCAP, however, given its mission to introduce “democracy” to the Japanese, sought to hide the fact that the media were subject to censorship by repressing information about the censorship process. Publishers were not allowed to indicate censored passages in any way or acknowledge that material had been omitted. This meant that “Occupation censorship was even more exasperating than Japanese military censorship had been because it insisted that all traces of censorship be concealed.”75 Between 1945 and 1949 all material to be published in Japan was required to be submitted in galley form for pre-approval to the CCD. The hundreds of censors would check the material for compliance, and if they found offending passages or illustrations, would require it to be removed in its entirety. Since in the final publication there was no indication that any material had been censored, it was sometimes difficult for publishers to work out in advance what was and was not permissible. However, after reviewing surviving censorship documents in the University of Maryland’s Gordon W. Prange collection, it is clear that “obscenity,” per se, was not an object of particular concern of SCAP’s censorship policy. Documents show that the CCD certainly had its eye on “obscene” publications but the only context in which “obscenity” was invoked as a reason to stop something going to press was in cases when reference was made to fraternization between US troops and local women or when reference was made to the supposedly loose morals of “Caucasian” women. The censorship reports themselves evidence how sensitive the issue of fraternization was. Take, for instance, a report outlining the reasons for the suppression of an article entitled “Temporary wife” that was to have appeared in the May 1946 edition of the magazine Toppu (Top). The censor notes that “The general tone of this article is very detestable. The theme of it is that foreigners – obviously Americans, although it does not manifestly state so – can get Japanese girls as their concubines.” The censor recommended that the article be suppressed on the grounds that it “disturbs public tranquility and [contains] destructive criticism of Allies.”76 Even incidental passages suggesting a sexual connection between Allied personnel and Japanese women were excised, as in a report dated April 25, 1947, where an examiner by the name of Groening recommended the excision of the following italicized passage from an article about the Tamanoi prostitute quarters: “…The women are examined once a week by the ambulance officers of the metropolis, sometimes attended by the GHQ personnel.”77 Even a reference to a passing “American soldier clad in a swanking jacket” in a popular Japanese song entitled Tokyo Flower Girl, was sufficient to have it taken off air since it was considered “too provocative.”78 It was not just material that hinted at Allied personnel’s involvement in prostitution that drew attention but almost any reference to “Caucasians,” especially white women, in a sexual context. Even serious literature by established authors was not immune to this kind of censorship. For example, a section from a short story by famous novelist Tanizaki Junichirō submitted to the literary magazine Shinbungaku (New literature) was suppressed in June 1947. In the story, Tanizaki reminisced about taking English classes in his youth and speculated whether a group of attractive Western women living on the second floor of the foreign manor housing the classes may have been high-class prostitutes.79 The reasons given for censoring such references bear detailing in full. For instance, in a memo from “RRZ” to “AMO” dated April 12, 1948, detailed instructions are given for the filing of an “obscene report.” In your reports, please indicate whether the material is concerned with Japanese and is just erotic or whether it also concerns Allied nationals and could be construed as being criticism of Allied nations. This one,80 for instance, has a caucasian [sic] on the cover. That should be pointed out as well as instances of other pictures and stories concerning caucasians [sic]. It might be well to compare the volume of references to Caucasians (and thus, potentially Allied) personnel with the volume of material referring only to Japanese. This might be part of a concerted effort on the part of the Japanese to discredit the Caucasian race. Sensitivity about the representation of Caucasian women continued even after the replacement in mid-1947 of the mandatory pre-censorship system with warnings issued about material already in print. Under this new more relaxed system, if material was found to be offensive to the Allies “authorities immediately reprimanded producers of the material and curtailed future publication … of their material.”81 For example, the April 1949 edition of Momo iro raifu (Pink life) was “postcensored” and a warning issued that material published violated the press code. In this instance the violation was identified as “The photogravure on the reverse side of the front cover [that] deals with two naked Caucasian women,” that constituted “Criticism of Allied Powers” in the opinion of the censor.82 The records cited above make a clear policy distinction between erotic material that concerns only Japanese and erotic material concerning Allied nationals, it being the latter category that was blacklisted. This supports earlier research that argues that the anti-fraternization policy was about maintaining racial barriers and shoring up national identities. Yet despite their sensitivity to mixed-race relations, erotic material “referring only to Japanese” was routinely passed by the censors, it being left to the Japanese police to pursue prosecution of material that they deemed obscene. However, due to purges and reorganization, the police were a “decentralized, inexperienced, and minimally armed force”83 who had much else to do in the immediate postwar years–it was not pornographers but gangsters who were their main priority. The period between 1946 and 1947, in particular, was marked by gang warfare over black-market control of scarce provisions, and “the fights were frequently large in scale and bloody since the gangs were armed with military weapons and fired on each other indiscriminately.”84 It thus took some time before the police started to rein in magazines and newspapers specializing in “sex journalism.” When the Japanese police did begin to re-launch obscenity prosecutions in early 1947, they tended to target material that infringed on ideological grounds, thus carrying over the sensitivities of the previous militarist regime. This suggests that Allied initiatives had little impact upon police ideas about what constituted obscenity in sexual mores. It is worthwhile attending closely to the first postwar case invoking Japan’s obscenity legislation since the topic targeted goes against rather than supports suggestions of US influence in this area. The prosecution of the magazine Ryōki On January 9, 1947, for the first time in the postwar period, charges of obscenity were laid against Akane Shobō, the publishers of the magazine Ryōki (Curiosity hunting).85 The charges were thought to have been prompted by two articles that appeared in the December 1946 edition of the magazine. One, a story entitled “Mrs. Captain H,”86 dealt with an adulterous affair between a student and a soldier’s wife, and the other “Humorous tales of dynastic lust,”87 concerned the goings on among past Emperors’ concubines. The decision to prosecute was the result of a discussion between the Public Security Department of the Ministry of Internal Affairs and the Internal Security Section of the Metropolitan Police Department. Although this decision was announced in the press with much fanfare, all the authorities could do was confiscate 873 copies of the magazine on January 12, 1947 since the issue had already passed CCD pre-censorship and more than 60,000 copies had been published and were in circulation.88 As we saw in the previous chapter, the Japanese term ryōki, or “curiosity hunting,” refers to a well-established prewar genre of writing obsessed with strange and bizarre events that was part of the 1920s preoccupation with “erotic, grotesque nonsense.” That a magazine with the title Ryōki was the first postwar publication to be prosecuted by the Japanese police might suggest that they identified the entire ryōki genre, with its interest in, among other things, “sexual perversion,” as injurious to public morals. Indeed, unlike some magazines that sought to disguise their prurient interests under a scientific or educational guise, the editors of Ryōki had always been unapologetic about the content of the magazine. They declared on the first issue’s contents page that Ryōki had “no intention whatsoever to educate or enlighten” its readers (see fig. 1). Editorial from the inside cover of the October 1946 edition of the magazine Ryōki (Curiosity hunting). Original in the Gordon W. Prange collection at the University of Maryland. Instead, it was intended for those “exhausted by the task of reconstructing the nation” and after it had supplied a few moments of amusement and distraction, it should simply be thrown away. The magazine Ryōki is thus a particularly self-conscious example of kasutori culture, typifying “the banishment of authority, the absence of orthodox or transcendent values” that Dower suggests typified the genre.89 However, when the details of the specific stories that brought about the prosecution are taken into account, there are barely any ryōki elements present. “Mrs Captain H,” was a tale of simple adultery, and the explicitness in the details was characteristic of a range of early postwar sex publications.90 Similarly, the humorous tales of misadventure among the Emperor’s consorts were not particularly graphic – more problematic was the fact that the article “touched on the topic of the imperial family.”91 The reason that the police acted against these particular stories, despite the fact that there were many hundreds of other stories in circulation that were as or more graphic or perverse in their details, lies in the role the police saw themselves as playing in protecting public morals. During wartime, the Japanese police force, particularly the division referred to as the “Special Higher Police” (tokkō keisatsu) had played an important role in maintaining solidarity behind the war effort. The Special Police were also referred to as the “thought police” (shisō keisatsu) since part of their mandate was to investigate and prosecute “seditious” thought, which included not only antiwar rhetoric but a wide range of attitudes and behaviors that were construed as contrary to the national interest. As Barak Kushner points out, “various levels of police…felt it their duty to guide and persuade the home populations in correct behavior.”92 The police did not see their role as simply that of preserving public safety, but rather the preservation of the country’s honor–an ideology that continued to inform their ideas and practices in the immediate postwar environment. During wartime, “loose women,” that is, women who sought out “illicit” love affairs, had been regarded by the authorities “not only as antiwar, but as threatening the fabric of Japanese society.”93 “Mrs Captain H” described such a woman. Indeed the very abbreviation of her name as Mrs “H,” is a pun on the homophonous term “ecchi” (possibly deriving from the English term “letch”) meaning “sexual.”94 The narrative concerns Takao, a spoiled high-school student who, due to his parents’ influence, was able to obtain a fake medical certificate to avoid the draft. Toward the end of the war he was evacuated to the countryside where he took up residence in the annex of a house owned by Captain H, a friend of the family. Captain H was seldom at home but on one occasion after a long absence, Takao heard strange noises coming from the bathroom shared by the couple. Sidling up to the window, he peered in and witnessed the couple making love (the next four pages of the story detail what he witnessed!). After watching such an event for the very first time, Takao became obsessed with the captain’s young wife and sought opportunities to be alone with her during the captain’s absences. On one occasion he used the pretext of borrowing a book to gain access to the house and was surprised when the wife behaved coquettishly towards him. She invited him to return later that evening and share her bath. The couple’s bath was, however, interrupted by an air raid siren and they fled to the shelter in the garden. It was there that they made love. The story ends with the announcement that after the surrender, Captain H was arrested and executed as a war criminal, thus allowing the adulterous pair to continue their relationship. The police operation against Ryōki proceeded in a manner similar to cases handled under the militarist regime, avoiding public debate about the category of “obscenity” through handling matters out of court. Hence, when arrested and charged with obscenity, both the author and publisher of the story pleaded guilty and paid a fine of 250 yen and it was unnecessary to take the matter to trial. It therefore remains off record what aspects of the story in particular the police considered obscene. Contemporary press accounts of the case identify the adultery as a key factor that led to the prosecution.95 Yet, since the act of adultery itself was in the process of being removed from the criminal code by Allied command, it is difficult to see why a description of the act would have been problematic. It is likely that the complicating factor here was that the adultery was instigated by a soldier’s wife, involved an “unpatriotic” student, and the reputation of the soldier himself was sullied by allegations of war crime. Ironically these very factors would probably have been viewed favorably by the CCD censors since the themes were suitably “antifeudalistic” and clearly opposed wartime rhetoric. Indeed, CCD censors had let the pulp story “Mrs Captain H” pass whereas in August 1946 they had suppressed a literary piece entitled “A fujin no tegami” (Letters from Mrs A) by famous author Tanizaki Junichirō simply because they considered the devotion expressed by Mrs A toward an unnamed Japanese pilot to be supportive of militarism.96 Later Japanese scholars have argued that the motivation for the police to move against Ryōki was ideological. Hasegawa Takuya suggests that the story about “Mrs H” caused concern since in 1947 those charged with dealing with obscenity in the Ministry of Internal Affairs and the Metropolitan Police Department were still under the sway of wartime ideologies mandating respect for imperial soldiers and decrying “moral decline.” Furthermore, adultery (on the part of wives) was still a touchy subject since it had long been considered a criminal act and was not removed from the Criminal Code until October 1947.97 Indeed three years after the Ryōki incident in 1950, when the translator and publisher of D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover were also charged under paragraph 175, the prosecution argued that the adulterous nature of the sex described was an aggravating factor in the book’s “obscenity.” Mark Driscoll’s work on prewar censorship also suggests that adultery was likely to have been the trigger for this prosecution. He notes how the Confucian-inspired censorship code of the prewar years, “led to an exclusive focus on the sacrosanct patriarchal home”98 and that adultery, illegal on the part of women in real life, was a particular target for censorship. Both Hasegawa99 and Yamamoto Akira100 observe that most early postwar obscenity prosecutions involved stories “centering on war criminals and adultery” and accounts of “lust and wrongdoings in the imperial dynasty.” Since neither of these topics was of ideological concern to the Allied censors, Yamamoto in particular uses the prosecution of these topics to argue for the independence of the Japanese police in respect to the censorship of sexual mores.101 Ann Sherif concurs, noting that “For the Japanese government officials and the police, SCAP’s relatively loose policy on sexually explicit materials meant that the local authorities could stand as the ‘authorizer of discourse’ for at least one facet of society—the regulation of sexual expression.”102 Indeed in the Lady Chatterley trial that unfolded in 1951, an attempt by the prosecution to introduce as evidence a letter from an Occupation official supporting their case “backfired dramatically” as the judges “balked at this intrusion of a foreign authority in their courtroom.”103 Hasegawa reports that the Civil Censorship Detachment did get involved in the Ryōki case, but only after the matter was brought to their attention by the Japanese police. The publisher was summoned to headquarters to explain himself and ordered to publish an acknowledgement of his wrongdoing in the next issue of the magazine.104 However, Hasegawa speculates that it may not have simply been complaints by the Japanese police that prompted the CCD to act since there was significant disagreement among the Allied powers themselves over the (lack of) censorship over sexual issues. He notes that the USSR often expressed dissatisfaction over America’s lukewarm control of the rapid spread of pornography and the sex industry in postwar Japan, thus underlining the fact that there was hardly one coherent set of opinions even among the occupying powers. Hence, a close look at Allied and Japanese policies concerning the regulation of sexuality in print media suggests that there was not a coherent and unified approach shared by both authorities. What both parties did share was a common interest in how “their” women were being represented. The Americans were touchy about any representation of “Caucasian” women in a sexual context, fearing that such depictions might constitute a criticism of the Occupation and its gender reforms. The Japanese authorities, too, were anxious about depictions of Japanese women, in particular military wives and imperial concubines, whose betrayal of their husbands was read metonymically as a betrayal of the Japanese nation. The early years of the Occupation were clearly not a time of sexual anarchy given that inter-racial couplings were the site of such intensive anxiety, intervention and control by the Allied authorities and ideological limits on sexual expression were still being enforced by the Japanese police. Although Japanese women were in some contexts seen as victims of a feudal Japanese patriarchy in need of liberating through democratic reform, they were in other contexts seen as unruly bodies, liable to corrupt and contaminate the US troops. The indiscriminate roundups of Japanese women and their forced subjection to venereal disease examinations is a harsh reminder of the limited agency that all Japanese, women in particular, exercised under foreign occupation. However, the emphasis that has been placed in previous scholarship on the restrictions on inter-racial sexual expression has perhaps obscured the way in which Japanese-Japanese sexual expression was opened up in the early postwar years, giving rise to an erotic publishing culture almost unparalleled anywhere prior to the “sexual revolution” of the 1960s. Mark McLelland is Professor of Gender and Sexuality Studies at the University of Wollongong, Australia, and is author or editor of eight books on Japanese popular culture, new media and gender studies including Love, Sex and Democracy in Japan during the American Occupation, and Queer Japan from the Pacific War to the Internet Age. Recommended citation: Mark McLelland, "Sex and Censorship During the Occupation of Japan," The Asia-Pacific Journal, Vol 10, Issue 37, No. 6, September 10, 2012. 1 Shimokawa Kōshi, Nihon ero shashinshi (History of Japan’s erotic photographs), Tokyo: Shōkyūsha, 1995, 32. 2 He refers to the “wild parties” that were staged in some neighbourhoods after news of the defeat; Igarashi Yoshikuni, Narratives of War in Postwar Japanese Culture, 1945–1970, Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 2000, 48. 3 Tanaka Yuki, Japan’s Comfort Women: Sexual Slavery and Prostitution during World War II and the US Occupation, London: Routledge, 2002, 160. Kate Haste, Rules of Desire: Sex in Britain: World War 1 to the Present, London: Chatto & Windus, 1992, also notes that the spread of VD among US troops stationed in the UK tended to be blamed on British “good time” girls, not the troops themselves, 134. 4 Mire Koikari, Pedagogy of Democracy: Feminism and the Cold War in the US Occupation of Japan, Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 2008; Shibusawa Naoko, America’s Geisha Ally: Reimagining the Japanese Enemy, Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2008; Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women. 5 Morris, The Phoenix Cup: Some Notes on Japan in 1946, London: Cresset Press, 1947, 18. 6 Ibid., 20. 7 Igarashi, Narratives of War, 53. 8 Mishima Sumie Seo, The Broader Way: A Woman’s Life in the New Japan, New York: John Day Co., 1953, 90. 9 About 20 percent of youth were estimated to have lost or left their families by the war’s end. Many of these ended up working in the black market or the sex trade. Police round-ups of sex workers sometimes brought in girls as young as ten. See Shimokawa Kōshi, Sei fūzoku nenpyō: Shōwa sengo 1945-1989 (A sexual customs almanac of the postwar period 1945-1989), Tokyo: Kawade shobō shinsha, 2007, 28. 10 Mishima, Broader Way, 96. 11 Ibid., 183. 12 On the black market see John Dower, Embracing Defeat: Japan in the Wake of World War II, New York: WW Norton, 1999, 139-48. 13 Shimokawa, Sei fūzoku nenpyō, 15. 14 Morris, Phoenix Cup, 21. 15 Other areas in Japan, such as the prefectures surrounding Hiroshima, were under the supervision of other Allied powers, particularly the British Commonwealth forces. However it was American culture that had the most impact on Occupation mores. 16 The term is Benedict Anderson’s; see Imagined Communities: Reflections on the Origins and Spread of Nationalism, London: Verso, 1983. 17 Mary Louise Pratt, “Arts of the Contact Zone,” Profession 91, New York: MLA, (1991): 33-40, 4. For a detailed description of how this mentality was achieved, see Emiko Ohnuki-Tierney, Kamikaze: Cherry Blossoms, and Nationalisms, Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2002, especially chapter 4. 18 Pratt, “Arts of the Contact Zone,” 4. 19 Koikari, “Rethinking Gender and Power in the US Occupation of Japan 1945-1952,” Gender and History 11, no. 2 (1999): 313-35, 314. 20 Cited in Pharr, “The Politics of Women’s Rights,” in Democratizing Japan: The Allied Occupation, edited by Robert Ward and Yoshikazu Sakamoto. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, (1987): 221-52, 224-45. 21 Ibid., 231. 23 Ibid., 241. 24 Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women, 112-16. 25 Shimokawa, Sei fūzoku nenpyō, 14. 26 Igarashi, Narratives of War, 35. 27 Takemae Eiji, The Allied Occupation of Japan, New York: Continuum, 2002, 41; Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women, 116-25. 28 Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women, 13. 29 On the foundation and eventual demise of the RAA see Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women, 141-50. 30 Theodore Cohen, Remaking Japan: The American Deal as New Deal, New York: The Free Press, 1987, 125. 31 Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women, 146. 32 Ibid., 136. 33 Cohen, Remaking Japan, 126. See also Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women, 153-54. 34 Shimokawa, Sei fūzoku nenpyō, 15. 35 Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women, 155. 36 An ex-service member, who was a newly qualified doctor serving with the Occupation at the time, told me of an incident involving an army chaplain outside of Sugamo jail (used to house accused war criminals prior to the Tokyo Trials). The street in front of the main entrance to the jail was crowded with makeshift shacks that were used for prostitution services for the many Occupation personnel working in the jail. One chaplain was famous for patrolling these shacks, even going to the extent of dragging army personnel out and shaming them in the street. One afternoon he was shot in the back and killed. Apparently “nobody saw anything” since it was neither in the interests of the women working as pan pan, nor their American customers, to cooperate with the investigation. 37 Sarah Kovner, Prostitution in Postwar Japan: Sex Workers, Servicemen, and Social Activists, 1945-1956, PhD. thesis, Columbia University, 2004, 29. 38 Ibid., 30. 39 Ibid., 26-7. 40 Tanaka, Japan’s Comfort Women, 160-61. 41 Cohen, Remaking Japan, 131. 42 Yomiuri newspaper, morning edition, May 31, 1947, p. 2. 43 Asahi newspaper May 31, 1947, p. 4. 44 Cohen, Remaking Japan, 128. 45 Koikare, Pedagogy of Democracy, 166. 46 Ibid., 166. 47 Ibid., 169. 48 Tsubaki Bunya, Seppun nendai ki (Kissing annals), Tokyo: Kindai bunkōsha, 1949, 166. 49 Yamamoto Akira, “Kasutori zasshi” (Pulp magazines), in Shōwa no sengoshi, edited by Saburō Ienaga, Tokyo: Chōbunsha, 1976, 246-47, 244. 50 Lawrence Beer, Freedom of Expression in Japan: A Study in Comparative Law, Politics, and Society, Tokyo: Kodansha International, 1984, 282. 51 Cited in Rubin, “The Impact of the Occupation on Literature or Lady Chatterley and Lt. Col. Verness,” in The Occupation of Japan: Arts and Culture, edited by Thomas W. Burkman, Norfolk, Virginia: General Douglas MacArthur Foundation, (1988): 167–74, 169. 52 Catherine Luther and Douglas Boyd, “American Occupation Control over Broadcasting in Japan 1945-52,” Journal of Communication 47, (1997): 39-59, 43. 53 Etō Jun, “One Aspect of the Allied Occupation of Japan: The Censorship Operation and Post-War Japanese Literature,” Occasional Paper, East Asia Program, The Wilson Center, Washington DC, 1980 54 Ibid., 17. 55 See Appendix B: 2a reproduced in Report of Government Section Supreme Commander for the Allied Powers, 460. 56 The CCD was based in Tokyo with branch offices in Osaka and Fukuoka. At its height it consisted of 66 officers, 63 enlisted men, 244 civilians and 149 other non-Japanese foreign nationals in addition to a Japanese staff of 5658. See Etō, “One Aspect of the Allied Occupation,” 21. 57 Ibid., 17. 58 Ochi, “What Did She Read? The Cultural Occupation of Post-War Japan and Translated Girls’ Literature,” F-Gens Jyānaru 5 (2006): 359-63, 363. 59 Nishi Toshio, Unconditional Democracy: Education and Politics in Occupied Japan 1945-1952, Stanford University: Hoover Institution Press, 1982, 101, gives a summary of fifteen categories of articles commonly suppressed by the CCD, none pertaining to morals; Journalist William Coughlin in Conquered Press: The MacArthur Era in Japanese Journalism, Palo Alto: Pacific Books, 1952, does not mention obscenity at all in his discussion of CCD grounds for censorship. 60 Etō, “One Aspect of the Allied Occupation.” 61 Rubin, “Impact of the Occupation on Literature,” 167–74. 62 Memo contained in Momo iro raifu microfiche in Gordon W. Prange collection. 63 Hasegawa Takuya, Waisetsu shuppan no rekishi (History of obscene publications), Tokyo: Sanichi shobō, 1978, 36. 64 Ann Sherif, Japan’s Cold War: Media, Literature and the Law, New York: Columbia University Press, 2009, 227, n. 31. 65 Yamamoto, in Kasutori zasshi kenkyū: shinboru ni miru fūzoku shi (Pulp magazine research: The history of sexual customs seen as a symbol), Tokyo: Shuppan nyūsusha, 1976, 42-3, suggests three possible reasons for the designation kasutori. Firstly, kasutori shōchū was a poor quality alcoholic drink made from a mixture of fermented rice and potatoes that, like the bad journalism of the kasutori press, was best avoided. Secondly, a kasutori drinker was only able to survive three cups before entering into a dangerous state, similarly kasutori magazines were unlikely to survive past their third issue. Finally, it was suggested that kasutori was a term applied to the poor quality paper used to print the magazines, as opposed to the deleterious nature of their contents. 66 Deborah Shamoon, “Misora Hibari and the Girl Star in Postwar Japanese Cinema,” Signs 35, no. 1 (2009): 131-55, 135. 67 See Yamamoto, Kasutori zasshi kenkyū; Matsuzawa, “Kasutori zasshi to ‘Garo’ no Nagai-san (The kasutori press and ‘Garo’s’ Mr Nagai),” Sei media 50 nen, Tokyo: Takarajimasha, (1995): 23-31; Shimokawa, Shōwa seisō shi: senzen, senchūhen (Showa history of sex: prewar and wartime collection), Tokyo: Dentō to gendaisha, 1981. 68 Ningen tankyū, “Zadankai: Onna gakusei no seitai o tsuku (Roundtable: A discussion of the situation of female students),” March (1952): 66-77, 76. 69 Christine Marran, Poison Woman: Figuring Female Transgression in Modern Japanese Culture, Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2007, 138. See also Kōno Kensuke, “Hihyō to jitsuzon: sengo hihyō ni okeru sekushuariti (Criticism and existence: Postwar criticism and sexuality),” Kokubungaku kaishaku to kyōzai no kenkyū 40, no. 8 (1995): 44-51, 46, who also argues that the Japanese authorities used pulp culture as a kind of “camouflage.” Another list of “three Ss” popular in the prewar period comprised “speed, sport and screen.” 70 Front cover of Esu, June 1948. 71 Chapman, “Japan: Propaganda to Pornography,” 8. 73 Dower, Embracing Defeat: Japan in the Wake of World War II, New York: WW Norton, 1999, 150. 74 Ishikawa Hiroyoshi, “Kanzen naru kekkon kara HOW TO SEX e no sengo shi (A postwar history from Perfect Marriage to How to Sex),” Kurowassan, July (1977): 113-15, 113. 75 Donald Keene, Dawn to the West: Japanese Literature in the Modern Era, New York: Henry Holt, 1984, 967. 76 Censorship notes following on from the galley proofs of the May 1946 edition of the magazine Toppu microfiche in the Prange collection. 77 Document preserved in Gordon W. Prange Collection, JP/TOK/PPB/c/356. 78 Luther and Boyd, “American Occupation Control over Broadcasting,” 46. 79 Marlene Mayo, “Literary Reorientation in Occupied Japan: Incidents of Civil Censorship,” in Legacies and Ambiguities: Postwar Fiction and Culture in West Germany and Japan, edited by Ernestine Schlant and J. Thomas Rimer, Washington D.C.: Woodrow Wilson Center Press, (1991): 135-62, 143-44. 80 In reference to the April 1948 edition of the magazine Jigoku (also entitled L’enfer, i.e. hell) on Jigoku microfiche in Gordon W. Prange collection. 81 Luther and Boyd, “American Occupation Control over Broadcasting ,” 49, n. 6. 82 Censorship document signed by S. Nagoshi following on from April 1949 edition of Momo iro raifu on microfiche in the Gordon W. Prange collection. 83 Richard Friman, “The Impact of the Occupation on Crime in Japan,” in Democracy in Occupied Japan: The U.S. Occupation and Japanese Politics and Society, edited by Mark Caprio and Yoneyuki Sugita, London: Routledge, 2007, 98. 84 Shikita Minoru and Tsuchiya Shinichi, Crime and Criminal Policy in Japan from 1926 to 1988: Analysis and Evaluation of the Showa Era, Tokyo: Japan Criminal Policy Society, 1990, 81. 85 Hasegawa, Waisetsu shuppan no rekishi, 31-32. 86 Kitagawa Chiyomi, “H taisa fūjin (Mrs Captain H),” Ryōki, December (1946): 40-49. 87 Miyanaga, “Ōchō kōshoku kokkei tan (Humorous tales of dynastic lust),” Ryōki, December (1946): 24-27. 88 Hasegawa, Waisetsu shuppan no rekishi, 31-32. 89 Dower, Embracing Defeat, 149. 90 Cather, The Great Censorship Trials of Literature and Film in Postwar Japan, 1950-1983. PhD. Thesis, University of California, Berkeley, 2004, 23, notes that the widespread discussion of sexual irregularities in the popular press was introduced by the defense in the 1951 obscenity trial of the publisher and translator of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, in an attempt to show that graphic depictions of sex were consistent with community standards. It was however the adulterous nature of the sex described in Chatterley, as in “Mrs Captain H,” that rendered these descriptions problematic, as Cather notes, “the prosecution was attempting to stop adultery in reality via a ban in representation,” 32. 91 Hasegawa, Waisetsu shuppan no rekishi, 34. 92 Kushner, The Thought War: Japanese Imperial Propaganda, Honolulu: University of Hawai’i Press, 2006, 67. 93 Ibid., 185. 94 Mark McLelland, “A Short History of Hentai.” Intersections: Gender and Sexuality in Asia and the Pacific no. 12, 2006, online. Another potential derivation I did not know about at the time is that “H” is the letter that comes between G and I – a reference to the lecherous nature of some of the GIs serving with the Occupation. See Inoue Shōichi, “Ecchi to esuemu (H and SM),” In Sei no yōgo shū, edited by Inoue Shōichi and Kansai Seiyoku Kenkyū Kai, Tokyo: Kōdansha gendai shinshō, (2004): 37-44. 95 Hasegawa, Waisetsu shuppan no rekishi, 34. 96 Mayo, “Literary Reorientation in Occupied Japan,” 143. 97 Hasegawa, Waisetsu shuppan no rekishi, 34. 98 Driscoll, Absolute Erotic, Absolute Grotesque: The Living, Dead, and Undead in Japan’s Imperialism 1895-1945, Durham: Duke University Press, 2010, 183. 99 Hasegawa, Waisetsu shuppan no rekishi, 34. 100 Yamamoto Akira, “Kasutori zasshi,” 246-47. 101 Ibid., 246. 102 Sherif, Japan’s Cold War, 74. That there was disagreement about the nature of obscenity between Japanese and Occupation authorities is also suggested by the fact that in 1952 the Japanese police prosecuted a cinema owner for showing a “birth-control film” that had been developed in the late 1940s and passed CIE inspection; see Roland Domenig, “A History of Sex Education Films in Japan, Part 2: The Post-War Years and Basukon Eiga,” Midnight Eye, March 2007, online. 103 Cather, Great Censorship Trials, 67. The Lady Chatterley obscenity case has much in common with the prosecution of Ryōki. As Cather notes the Chatterley trial “was an attempt by the government to assert their authority in the realm of representation to deflect attention from their lack of effective control in the realm of reality,” 33. 104 Hasegawa, Waisetsu shuppan no rekishi, 36.

Continuing from yesterday: (The book is free and I have a few copies, so email me if you want one, or send for it by clicking the link.) Oh--and please note the chandeliers, ceiling fans and columns as we go. Acts Thrift Store, a popular Pasadena resale shop also associated with Christian causes. Teresa Wolf, Associate Director of the Walter Hoving Home, shows me around The second floor is like a dormitory. Over the door of each room is a plaque with a word like "cheerfulness" or "loveliness" on it. There's a separate room where a woman can stay with her children when they come to visit. While you live at the Walter Hoving Home, you will be in company almost all the time. (Another way to donate is to "adopt" a room. An old building like this always wants renovation to keep it up.) The women learn that it's okay to love themselves. There's also an awareness that they're vulnerable to missteps. Therefore, their lives are very structured. Everyone works and studies all day. Meals are at an exact time. Each woman must raise a minimum of $500 in monthly donations while she stays there (although Teresa told me no one will be kicked out if she can't make it). This is why you'll see them at tables outside stores from time to time, handing out Mr. Benson's little red book. It's not a prison or a rehab center. It's a choice the women have made in order to get a handle on chaotic lives. I asked Teresa what happens if a woman doesn't get, or doesn't want to get, the Jesus part? "We'll find them another place," she said. "We don't think we're right for everybody. We're right for us." Part 3 tomorrow.

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Where I grew up, in upstate New York, there was no Mexican food. No tacos. No burritos. Just a Taco Bell down on Ridge Road (which did not count at all) and a few square feet of shelf space at Wegman's dedicated to Latino foods: a couple bags of stale tortillas, some pasty refritos, Old El Paso taco sauce and cans of tamales with pull-tab tops like beers used to have. I lived the first ten or twelve years of my life in an utterly taco-less universe, and today I look back at that kid and simply can't understand how the little whelp survived. Honest to God, it wasn't until my early teens that I ate my first tacos, a bunch of hard shells out of a box with a picture of a cartoon Mexican on the front (shoeless, wrapped in a serape, sleeping beneath the brim of a huge sombrero), filled with ground beef, iceberg lettuce and shredded cheddar. As I got older, I found better (a large cantina with a bullfighting theme, excellent quesadillas and terrible margaritas that opened and flourished briefly in the corner of an abandoned warehouse downtown; a tiny taquería far outside the city where the migrant workers went for posole, plates of chicharrones and leads on work), but it wasn't easy. You had to know what you wanted -- which I didn't -- and you had to know where to look. Even then, there were no guarantees. It didn't take me long to flee my home town, and when I did, I went west. I had a lot of reasons. Finding tacos was one of them -- not high on the list of priorities, granted, but definitely in my thoughts -- and when I found them, they were at a little roadhouse in San Diego close enough to the border that I could see the security lights. I was starving by the time I made California, having run short of cash about five minutes after crossing the Pennsylvania state line, and this diner was a godsend -- cheap, quiet, brightly lit and, most important, open at 3 a.m. or whenever it was that I rolled my car into the parking lot on fumes and fervent prayer. The tacos were 25 cents apiece. I ate about a dozen. And when I was done, I was sicker than I'd ever been in my life to that point. You can ask the good people who worked the early-morning shift at the Burger King near the entrance ramp to the 805; I'm sure that whoever had to clean the bathrooms that day remembers me with vivid clarity. Soon there were other, less catastrophic Mexican meals. Even lovely ones. I had my first sopaipilla a few years later and proceeded to make a dinner of nothing but -- thinking the sopaipilla the greatest food ever conceived by man. I went down to Mexico on a quest for the perfect fish taco, ate burritos at Juanita's in Boulder, lived on tamales from a little drive-thru joint when I was unemployed, made the #13 breakfast burrito at Milton's in Albuquerque famous just by saying once, in print, that I could no longer conceive of life without it. I remember staring at Laura over a palisade of empty beer bottles down in Juarez, my head on the bar, waiting for a plastic basket of tacos to come out of the kitchen. I was in love with everything that night: the girl, the city, the bar we'd found well outside the American quarter with the air-conditioning that would only be turned on if you paid the bartender (one dollar American -- same as the cost of one beer -- for ten minutes of deliciously cold, metallic refrigerated air). And I remember having my first taco from Tacos D.F. when it was just a two-wheel trailer parked in a gravel lot beside a liquor store on South Parker Road -- a taco truck you could smell from the nearest stoplight, that served things I'd never heard of, like panbazos and tacos suaderos. I ordered three asada tacos that day, and laughed when the woman working the window asked if I wanted lettuce and cheese on them. "Why would I want that?" I asked. Because most of the white people who came there for tacos did, she said. Or something like that. So she always asked, just in case. Estilo Mexicano -- those were the magic words. Mexican style: just spice and meat -- rough-chopped grilled steak, marinated in God knows what, with caramelized onions in the case of the asada, and naked chopped pork redolent of char for the carnitas. If you had to gussy up the tacos, there was always hot sauce, along with salsas and picos on ice. Tacos D.F. also served a good torta and often switched up the menu, offering sopes, lamb soup, barbacoa -- all manner of delicious items you could order if you knew to ask or could read enough Spanish to translate the especiales written out longhand on neon-colored construction paper. And then one day, Tacos D.F. was gone. I was sad, but not crushed. The way I looked at it, one benefit of having a restaurant on wheels is that if you're getting bored with the view or not doing good trade at one location, you can always just hitch your trailer to the back of a pickup and move somewhere else. Knowing the transitive nature of the neighborhood where it had been parked -- right on the edge of Aurora's Little Asia, along that stretch of Parker/Leetsdale that's an immigration activist's melting-pot dream made real -- that's what I assumed had happened. But as it turns out, Tacos D.F. had gone the other way: Rather than packing up and moving on to a new neighborhood, it had picked up a lease and sunk roots. And last September, it opened in a small strip mall almost in sight of its original location, in that lot next to the liquor store, right next to a different liquor store. Over the winter, I rediscovered Tacos D.F. and immediately fell in love with a restaurant that, to me, is the Mexican restaurant I started searching for all those years ago. Although it may now have a mailing address, the place is almost like a taco truck parked indoors. There are no printed menus, no waitresses. Orders are taken through a hole in the back wall that looks in on the grills, the stovetops, the battered white coffin freezer and prep tables of a kitchen that's never slow or quiet. A dry-erase board -- maybe the same one that once graced the front of the trailer -- hanging above the hole lists all the available options for tacos, tortas, burritos, huaraches and gorditas; a profusion of paper signs offers consomé and posole, Mexican Coca-Cola and international phone cards. Plates and baskets, bagged takeout orders and trays full of tacos, cash and credit cards -- everything changes hands through that hole in the wall. It's a perfect system. The space is comfortable, the green and gold walls hung with local art (all of which is for sale), black-and-white photos of old movie stars (which aren't) and the scribbled autographs, well wishes and declarations of love from customers who've already passed through. There's a scattering of plastic chairs and tables, and every four-top has its own paper-towel dispenser. At lunch, everyone in the place sits hunched over bowls of consomé, watching scantily clad women teach the alphabet to schoolchildren and fat men fall down on the TV in the corner. In the evening, extended families come in, order the entire menu twice, share their tables with strangers when there are no more spots to be had. At these tables, I've had the best tacos in the city, delivered direct from the grill to my hand -- homemade chorizo and spicy asada with sweet onions and charbroiled pork, hewn with a cleaver, the tok tok tok of it hitting the board like music to my taco-junkie ears. For the huaraches, the kitchen chops whatever meat it has on hand and throws it on top of a thick, fried-corn flatbread with cheese and Mexican crema and onions: a full meal for six bucks, done in less than five minutes. On Saturdays and Sundays, the kitchen makes barbacoa. There's always tripe, tongue, beef cheek. Off to the side is an old salad-bar unit that holds a spread of limes, homemade tomatillo salsa, a smoky-hot chipotle salsa and something green that smells of cucumber and jalapeño that I thought was homemade guacamole until I tasted it for the first time. It was so hot, I wince just thinking about it. The tortas are much better now -- the one improvement at the new location beyond being able to sit somewhere other than my car hood. The most extreme sandwich on the board -- the Cubano -- comes stacked with ham, milanesa(breaded steak, fried), salchicha(a hot dog, split lengthwise and seared), cheese, beans, lettuce and a smoky chipotle sauce. But the simple jamón with avocado is my favorite: ham stacked on grilled, soft bread with sliced avocado, lettuce, tomato and that same chile-spiked dressing I'd call a rémoulade if not for the fact that I'm sure there's a Spanish word for it that I just don't know. I've been living in the West for a few years now. I've become accustomed to that small feeling of comfort that comes from knowing that no matter what happens, no matter how bad things might get, there's always a taco or a burrito or a couple of sopaipillas wrapped in an envelope of oil-slicked waxed paper close at hand. And though I may have traded the easy path to anamnesis that is bought by lack -- by the privation of my youth that made every taco special -- I have no regrets about my current glut of options. I know that I'm lucky. I know that the teenager still inside me -- the one who drove 2,000 miles looking for tacos only to find himself on his knees in a Burger King men's room -- will never truly be sated. And now that I have found Tacos D.F. again -- in nearly the same place I lost it -- I know that availability and ease does not have to equal indifference. I may take a lot of things for granted, but tacos will never be one of them. Get the Food & Drink Newsletter Our weekly guide to Denver dining includes food news and reviews, as well as dining events and interviews with chefs and restaurant owners.

There were almost 140 entries in the 2011 Open City RRofihe Trophy Short Story Contest; the Winner is JL Schneider of Ellenville, New York for "A Pair of Soup". The story is published below; he will receive $500 plus a trophy. The Runner-Up Story is "Monologue" by Juliet Grames of Brooklyn, New York. Finalist Stories (2) were: "Anatomy of a Geode" by Venita Blackburn of Avondale, "Dos Equis" by Don Downey of New Orleans, Louisiana. The Semi-Finalist Stories (9) were: "The Snowbird" by Anna Ingwersen of Houston, Texas "Literacy" by Kathleen Spivack of Watertown, Massachusetts "Pipework" by Dwight Holing of Orinda, California "Like Cindy" by Lynn Vande Stouwe of New York, New York "Color-in Medusa" by Louisa Peck of Seattle, Washington "The Flight" by Mia Farinelli of New York, New York "Da Capo" by Amy Meyerson of Los Angeles, California "Snowstorm" by David Englander of New York, New York "Angles" by Heather Sappenfield of Vail, Colorado For RRofihe Trophy Contest Assistant Carolyn Wilsey, Sincere thanks to all who entered, A PAIR OF SOUP His fingernail smoldered in the ashtray, a candy dish she’d asked him not to use as an ashtray. He let his cigarette die out next to the clipping, just because he liked to waste things. The involuntary turn of the nose toward the smell, as toward an accident, watching the slow burn. The smell, so much like death, like hair burning, but denser, closer to bone than cilia. Caustic, its thin, acidic ability to penetrate the Febrezed fabric of the couch and vacuumed drapes more acute than the blunt odors of burnt fish, boiled cabbage, and… “He likes to waste things?” the Adjunct asked, looking up at him. “Yes, he does.” He was the same age as the Adjunct who sat across from him. Heinke’s Shakespeare class—three, four years ago? They should have been teaching side by side by now, or at least gloating (or bitching) about their career tracks by e-mail from separate universities. Instead, she was already filling in for the great Dr. Placke, away on Sabbatical, pursuing her Ph.D. and on an inside track for Associate Professor, and he was groveling for three more credits so he could graduate seven years after he started. She was willing to accommodate a tutorial for Placke’s 400-level Creative Writing class she was subbing, an audit with credits, but they agreed that he shouldn’t attend the class. They knew why, but only she felt the need to state the obvious. “The workshop can get ugly,” she said. “As blind as writers are to their own faults, they devour the weaknesses of others like wolves.” She was looking at him calmly from behind the barge-like, walnut desk, almost diffidently. It was late afternoon, the September sun slanting through the long, three-over-twelve windows in Placke’s office on the second floor of Hanson Hall. There was a jade plant and a German ivy and an aloe sitting in the window recess, receiving the sunshine robustly, triumphantly. He wondered if these were her additions or Placke’s. He would read a few short stories from the text, critique the other students’ stories as they came in (she’d make copies for him), and hand in one of his own, revising as they went, for one-half of his final grade. He’d be deprived of the give-and-take, the “ugliness” of the workshop, but it was a small sacrifice. They would act professionally, and would, after each session in the office, part with a handshake and, because he knew her, and because he felt it also, there would be invisible, self-congratulatory pats on their backs. The second draft was due by the end of October. He was having trouble with it. There was too much distance between the characters. Too much coldness. A mordancy, a stiffness, of style. He worked it and reworked it, changed the verb tense, changed the point of view, got drunk, burned one version of it, started again, and only when he removed himself completely from the overwrought, obvious mess it had become (he took off and slept in his car for three days) did he finally realize that the distance was intentional. That’s what she’d like—hauteur, reticence, emotional stealth. He was sucking up, appealing to her intellect, the conduit through which her world was funneled. But it was wrong for the story. It was wrong for him. She wouldn’t agree. She’d say you have to write for an audience, not yourself. Then she’d use the Shakespeare argument—writing can be great art and successful—against which he was powerless. His story was neither. Every time he returned to it his stomach churned, as if he were being forced to lie, as if each word he wrote was laughing at him. It wasn’t until he finally named the protagonists that he thought he could detect a glimmer of hope. “Why didn’t you name them at the beginning?” she asked. An obvious fault. He’d fix it. What he thought she might have asked instead, what he would have asked if the roles were reversed, was, Why were the man and the woman so distant with each other, when they obviously had been lovers? Why the charade? Questions which should have led to the real question: What was it, eventually, that broke them apart? But she didn’t ask, and he knew that if he played What if?, if he let himself drift too far down into those murky layers—even as a little voice told him that’s exactly what he needed to do—he’d drive himself crazy. Dustin was thin and angular, a condition of metabolism rather than diet. He ate whatever he wanted. He revered food. One of his great passions was cooking, which he especially liked to do for her. During their time together his black hair, iron-straight but with some wave at his forehead, had been alternately short, shoulder-length, then short again, depending on his mood and sometimes the job he had. He was what his mother would have called slovenly, what he preferred to call adaptive. Too much cleanliness made him ill, and if he was around too much of it for too long he felt a creeping ivy of sterility begin to choke him. There were times when he purposely left grease-filled pans on the stove, or broccoli juice in the steamer pot, or a used toothpick in the candy dish cum ashtray, though he knew this particularly irked her. Messiness reminded him of hearth, of function, of life. Lindsey had the same haircut the entire time he knew her, a shoulder-length cut of bronzed-blonde hair parted on the left, a coif that appeared to be loose and flung randomly over her head, yet which was carefully set each morning with hairspray and several types of combs. Her green eyes betrayed the depth of her race, Irish, which is what made him shiver when he first saw her. An Irish writer—her eyes actually glowed, like emeralds hit by the sun, when she talked about literature. She had what he called, though she wasn’t overweight, a baby-fat body, pale white skin from the northern tribes which, when he touched it, took several seconds to yield bone. She ate sparingly, sometimes not at all if they were fighting. He sometimes suspected she left a plate of his patiently-prepared food uneaten on purpose—either to provoke the fight or feign loss before it even began. Now the Adjunct shifted in her seat and crossed her hosed thighs—luxurious trophies of muscle and flesh—beneath the half-lowered curtain of a blue rayon dress. “Why are you here?” she’d asked him one day, surprising him, after the Comp 101 class they were taking, which he’d already taken years before at a community college in another state before returning home to live with his parents. The way she said it, it was as if she were asking for only the narratable part of his life. He didn’t know how to answer, because it wasn’t the way he looked at the world, at himself. Life was episodic. After he mumbled something about needing the credits because they weren’t transferable from where he’d gone to school before, she ignored him for the rest of the semester. In the relativistic culture of college, honed to excruciating absurdity in the English department, he never would have said out loud what he thought about her privately when, later, she gushed about the Epistemology of Structure or the Disunity of Meaning: that theory was nothing more than noeticly-forged armor, flimsy as onionskin, used to mask a fear of the unknown, a fear of dirt. And he never would have thought to write down—even in his journal, which he was going to cremate with his corpse—his feeling that she’d bray like a mule when fucked. “This seems a little… off,” she said. “It’s possible,” he retorted. “Yes, anything is possible. But is it true?” “I’m not supposed to tell the truth. I’m supposed to make up the truth.” She took a moment to look out the window. She actually stroked her chin, as if she had a beard, and he thought, in a hallucinatory moment of juxtaposition, that, despite her luxuriant sensuality, she could have been a fatherly Freudian, brilliant and aware of it. If he would have been thinking, I want you, she would have responded, I know you want me. By the time they met again in Heinke’s class, and they started talking seriously, she seemed to have changed. She was more open, more confident, though he couldn’t tell if she’d merely girded the mask or had found some organic source of élan. Élan. Hardly the word to describe her tongue pushing down his throat at McBaird’s just as his girlfriend walked through the door. She pulled away from him, seeing the fear in his eyes, feeling the tenseness in his body. Yet she seemed almost pleased, the green eyes twinkling. He tried to push out of their booth, to go after her, but his girlfriend was already walking out the door. He turned on her. “I’ve been going out with her for two years!” More loss. They were tearing down McBaird’s in a week, and she didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why he’d rather busk on the street than get a regular job. She didn’t understand why he didn’t just finish his degree instead of constantly engaging in academic brinkmanship, and losing…. But that deep, pliable mouth. Fragility and green eyes and remarkable thighs which walked him home after he’d shamelessly whiskied the loss of his girlfriend in front of her, tucked him into bed, then crawled in beside him. “I seem to remember,” the Adjunct now said, standing behind the desk, her stiff back then moving like a surveyor’s stick around the desk’s corner to stand in front of him, “that in the earlier draft, he kissed her.” “Yes, that’s true,” he admitted. He’d kissed her. He’d leaned over the table and pulled the back of her head to him, drawing her pale skin and emerald eyes and strictly wild hair—the tongue and pathos of the Irish—to his open lips. “It was her response that seemed important. It had so much power. She wanted to show him something, her dexterity, her sexuality. She was hiding, and I needed to bring her forward.” “An unreliable narrator?” “I changed it, that’s all. It’s not some lit-crit feint. ‘Trust the writing, not the writer.’” It was her favorite D. H. Lawrence quote. She stood over him, the power of her position evident in her silence. She would not, he knew, allow him to see the professional rigging moved by any wind. But she must be thinking, This is unfair, an end-run, a cowardly attempt to circumvent the revenge story, the most boring of all stories. The whole thing was nothing but self-righteous pity vomited on the page, not for the reader’s but for his pleasure. And he suddenly realized he had become a cliché. His palms were sweating, not because of what she now clearly knew, but because of what he didn’t know. The blue rayon rustled as she turned and walked back around the desk to her chair. She turned on the brass lamp with the green shade, which exploded on their faces, the dusk having been left on too long. On the day Lindsey graduated, Dustin didn’t go to the ceremony. He detested false rituals, he told her. Instead, he went to the blonde-wood-and-fern bar that had replaced McBaird’s and thought about Lindsey entering graduate school in the fall, while he still needed two full semesters to get his undergraduate degree. And who knew how long that would take? “It’s a story about love!” he remembered screaming to no one after a half dozen VO boilermakers, bringing his fist down hard on the bar. He thought he was still at McBaird’s, where his explosion would have been shrugged off, laughed at, liquored through with any number of strangers who’d been there since noon. But in the unfamiliar, dense, low-pressure silence of this theme-bar his eyes swam up into stares of condemnation from the Society of Lethally Unoriginal Gobs, his new local. She came home from the ceremony upset. She started telling him something from her past, something she said she’d never told anyone and which she’d never allow him to repeat. The graduation had triggered ancient hurt, something familial. He remembered being attentive, alert, thinking that every word she said made sense, even holding her whenever she cried. It was a story, however, upon waking, he only remembered the color of—a tar and sunshine tale of impeccable, beautiful irony which could be appreciated by any adult, except the one whom irony had ground underfoot. Other than that, he didn’t remember a word she’d said. He saw how she looked at him in the morning, knowing, now that he knew, that she had relieved herself of a burden to someone she trusted. Through his hangover he faked a sympathetic, eye-sagging face, then cooked her a Western omelet. The power was in the telling, he reminded himself. Remembering was irrelevant. The Adjunct stood up and excused herself When the door closed behind him he reached over to the folder on the desk—his folder—to see what she’d been writing about him. It was her job to assess him, to evaluate him, to give him a grade, and that, despite the obvious statutes of the situation, really went up his ass. His fingers were on the edge of the folder when he stopped himself. A ploy to get him to do this very thing? To see both sides? OK, he wasn’t an adult. That was certain. He didn’t want to be an adult. Everywhere he looked, his friends—all those people he’d graduated high school with and were now firmly entrenched in their jobs and marriages—they were adults. The Adjunct was an adult. But it was just a game. They were playing at being grown-ups. And while he could be petty, he wasn’t cynical, as so many of his “adult” friends proudly seemed to be in their line-of-credit lives. As far as he was concerned, he was still doing it, the ineffable It. Getting dirty. Telling the stories. That was the forest and the trees. The Adjunct returned. She’d washed her face, the small, fine hairs at her temples still matted with moisture. When she sat down she closed his folder, slowly, and looked up at him when the manila lips met. What did she want from him? A question, toward the end, he kept asking her, sometimes screamed at her. Each time he could see her body folding into itself on the couch like an origami bird, after which she’d say, “I don’t want you to change anything about yourself.” He’d then remove the toothpick from his mouth and drop it into the ashtray. He escalated the baiting to get her to step out from under the stiff, pedagogical hair. She didn’t take it. As she read more critical theory, which she was required to do for her degree, she had an answer for everything. “But those aren’t reparative theories,” he’d remind her. “There’s a real human being in front of you.” “Some of them are,” she replied. “Some of them do apply to us. And as human beings, we’re all fiction writers, carving out our mythologies, our stories, from an objective world which has no intrinsic meaning, and no need for it, other that what we give it.” Layers upon layers, until he felt like a character rather than a real person dancing at the end of post-modernist, trans-historical, gyno-critical strings. He was a rhetorical trope in—whose did she say, Harold Doom’s?—“anxiety of influence.” “Exactly,” the Adjunct said absently, flipping a page. “But it’s not—real,” he insisted. “This isn’t some misreading of a story. These are two human beings. They’re going to hurt each other.” On the day it ended he’d cooked her a lemon-thyme, chicken Marsala casserole with wild rice, an herbed zucchini au gratin, and a red leaf salad. And soup—vegetable watercress. He simmered it all day, used fresh herbs, and made the mirepoix by roasting the vegetables first, an unnecessary step except for the care. She took one bite of each dish and pushed her plate away. She didn’t touch the soup. “You don’t like the soup?” he asked. “I don’t feel like soup.” “You have to have some.” “I told you, I don’t feel like it.” “No, you don’t understand. You have to have some. Soup is never for one person. They like you to think it is, with their little cans lined up on the shelves. Soup for one. But it’s wrong. They’re not selling convenience. They’re selling the alienation of affections. You only get one-and-a-half bowls out of one of those cans, a couple of cups. But cups of soup are for singular people eating alone. Real soup is for big bowls from a big pot, for two, three, a half dozen people. At the very least, two.” “Interesting theory,” she said. “You won’t have any?” “Fuck you.” He was surprised by how calmly he said it. She took her napkin and dabbed at her lips, even though there was no food to wipe away. Her response was equally calm. “There are some lines you don’t cross,” she said, putting her napkin down and pushing out her chair. She stood up. “You just crossed one.” “They’re just words. You can put whatever meaning you want to them.” “OK. It means the end.” The dim December light, thick and gray as concrete, pressed against the long windows. She read the ending about the man and the woman sitting across from each other, and there was nothing more to say. Soup? He had failed. He especially didn’t like how dispassionately they acted, though they were true to who they were. Yes, they had acted honestly, but looking at them from the Godhead they seemed inhuman, so caught up in divine intellect and dictatorial image that there wasn’t anything truly deeper to them. They wanted to be deeper, yes. They wanted to scream and love and remember every dark cell of their greatest and darkest intent. But as soon as they had the thought, it was beatified by doctrine, aligned to some cultural reference point, reduced to an image neither of them could claim as their own. All they had left was some nameless referee alluding to them in the third person. She was looking out the window, her face turned to him in profile. As he studied it he saw, though he had to squint to be sure, a small, barely-visible tear leak from the corner of her eye and drift down her cheek. He hesitated, then reached out and touched it before she blinked her eyes clear. Maybe he didn’t. He probably just sat there, having no idea what she was thinking. And at that moment, just for an instant and caught by surprise, I can see. I can see a single, lush boil of jade leaf—as rich and ardent as love—suddenly fall, still healthy, from its branch. I can see each millimeter of its descent through space, falling as slowly as a plump, green feather. And there’s a smell, not possible in this room, burnt and acrid, as if irony could be singed at both ends of its airy, brittle lesson. And I hear a tremendous booming thud when the leaf hits the sun shelf. They looked at each other across the desk.

Slim pickings in my comic pull, dear My heart feels just a slight twinge of fear But Matt Murdoch's a winning number Mole Man's got some stiffs with which to encumber Fighting underground you best bring it Popping monster tongues make me feel sick Defeated Molely will have to pay Black Cat, Felicia, why don't you stay I read the Daredevil comic book I read the Daredevil whoa-oh comic book Shhhhhhh, be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting comics. Huh huh huh huh. Hello there Donist World readers (mom), and welcome to Friday Slice of Heaven, Slice into the Woods. I'm here with my trusted companion and main critic, Obie, my friends' Boston terrier. We are on a search for new comics this week and although we found three, only one is providing the proper clues to the mystery of that which thrills the Donist. Obie is decked out in his finest Sherlock Holmes hat, coat, pipe and magnifying glass--minus the opium addiction of course--as we searched the comic racks this week and turned up a particularly intriguing comic. Elementary my dear Obie, it's... Friday Slice of Heaven ***Possible Spoilers Below*** In the previous issue, Matt Murdoch, Daredevil, traveled below the ground in search of a grave robber, who was stealing the coffins of the dead...all of the dead. Daredevil follows and finds that the Mole Man, Harvey Elder, and his moloids were behind the dastardly deed and it seems that the Mole Man was after one body in particular; that of a woman he loved from afar. This issue we find Matt plummeting into the mouth of one of the Mole Man's "pets," requiring Horn Head to do something disgusting to get free. Harvey and Matt end up fighting, but Daredevil wins in the end taking the dead woman's body as well as some reparations--some of which he keeps...uh-oh--and he sets things right at the cemetery. Back at home he discovers that Felicia, the Black Cat, had stolen a hard drive possessing information worth killing for, but then put it back and is now on the run. Felicia is in hiding, and who's the stranger keeping an eye on Matt Murdoch's every move? Another great issue of Daredevil and I will definitely be back for the next. Waid continues to bring excitement to a series that had been drowning in bleak despair for many years and here we have a fight with the Mole Man that has every opportunity to be cheesy and standard superhero fare. It's not. Instead the reader is left sympathizing to some degree with Harvey Elder and his screwed up life. His abhorrent crime is still wrong, but his reasons for stealing the bodies from the cemetery make sense and even Daredevil feels bad for the guy. Waid also shows with this issue that even a superhero is not infallible as Daredevil keeps some of the diamonds for himself. Paolo Rivera continues to provide some fantastic interior art and the cover alone is beyond lovely. I know there are a few other Marvel titles that I should be reading such as Uncanny X-Force and Wolverine and the X-Men, but for now Daredevil is the offering from the House of Ideas that I look forward to the most each month. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! Otherly Heavenly Things - As quiet a week as it was for new comics, there was still plenty to keep me happy and overjoyed in the meantime. for instance... I Finished the Second Draft of My All-Ages Novel - Here, here! I started the book back in January 2011 and began work on the second draft a year later. I'm excited for what I've written, but I still want to run it by my in-house editor (um...my English Teacher wife. If you're a writer, you should get one of those), and will be doing god-only-knows what sorts of chores in order to repay her for her invaluable time. Still, I'm proud of not just the fact that I have written my second novel, but also the fact that I'm excited by my story and hope that others some day soon will enjoy it as well. I Watched the Scott Snyder Recorded Critique of My Short Comic Script - I should clarify. The vast amount of encouraging and helpful information that Mr. Snyder provided was priceless. Seeing my weird, twitchy self on the monitor...not so much so. Anyhow, I watched through the nearly two hours of footage, took many notes and will begin expanding "Down By the Pond" from a five-page story out to a full twenty-two-page comic starting this weekend. I'm still reeling from just how kind Mr. Snyder was with his advice and his time. Hopefully I can improve the story and give it the space to breathe that it deserves. Beer Tasting at the Mercury Room - I went to a beer tasting this past Saturday and it was an informatively awesome event. If I wasn't having so much fun, I would have been taking notes. We tasted six beers under the instruction of a licensed cicerone (the sommelier of the beer world): pilsner, a false-hefeweizen (I forget what it was called), a hefeweizen, a Belgian beer, an IPA and an Imperial Stout. Now I'm thinking that I want to not only write for a living, but also become a cicerone. Sounds like a plan, Stan. Afterwards we met more friends at the Hollister Brewing Company for more (better than what was tasted) beer and good food. The Hunger Games Movie - Joy of joys. My friends and I went to the Hollister Brewing Company two days in a row and that's a good thing. Lunch and pints of IPA followed by a movie...what's not to love? As for the movie itself, I loved it too. All three of us did. I had devoured the Suzanne Collins three books in short order and was not disappointed by the movie at all. The horror and building tension of the Reaping was powerful as was the District 11 riot after the death of Rue. Scenes of the stark poverty of the districts intermixed the excesses of the Capitol infuriated me, but then tempered my reaction through the introduction of characters sympathetic to the tributes such as Cinna (Lenny Kravitz) and former Hunger Games winner Haymitch Abernath (Woody Harrelson). Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) and Peta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson) were exactly how I pictured them in the book and they were spot on in their rolls. Overall a great movie based on an excellent series of books. Bring on Catching Fire! VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! Archie the Married Life: Volume 1 - Written by Micael Uslan and Paul Kupperberg, illustrated by Norm Breyfogle, Andrew Pepoy and Joe Rubenstein, published by Archie Comics. The only reason this is not up above and getting its own mini review is that I'm only about a third of the way through the comic, but it is worthy of mention because I am loving this book more than I ever thought I would. Basically, after the whole Archie Marries Veronica and Archie Marries Betty hoopla--which I have not read--Archie Comics decided to push the matter and show what the title character's life would be like with each woman. I'm going to say it...it's fascinating, well-written and so realistic, that I could see aspects of myself within each character...with the exception of Veronica's father. The writers immediately grab hold of the reader, leaving them no choice but to sympathize with each character as they attempt to make their way through an increasingly difficult and oftentimes disappointing world. Don't get me wrong, this is not to say that there are not cheerful and uplifting moments, it's just that the protective shell of the old Archieverse has been removed and with that gone, well, life is not all that easy. Again, so very well done and I hope to have time to finish reading the very book 10-year-old Donist would have turned his nose up at. Archie The Married Life: Volume 1 is incredibly moving and a joy to read thus far. VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! Holdfast Rifle Company and One More Food Thing - Last night Amy and I went with our friends to hear our other friends perform in their old-timey country band Holdfast Rifle Company at the Santa Barbara Brewhouse. You can hear a podcast with an older performance here and see a video here. Another great show and I'm not just saying that because I love these guys. The Brew House in addition to having great music and...well...brews, has some great food as well. How's fillet mignon and mushroom enchiladas grab ya? Oh, that's not enough? How's about raspberry chipotle cheesecake? I don't even like cheesecake and this was out of this world. Slice Into the Woods Three Comics Enter, One Comic Leaves - It was a light week for Donist World with only three comics purchased, but of those three, only one really wowed me, which is kind of a bummer. Here's hoping things turnaround next month. Why Can't I Eat and Drink What I Want Without Gaining Weight - Yeah, that's it. Read the above entries about beer bonanzas, fillet mignon and mushroom enchiladas, and raspberry chipotle cheesecake. Damnit. Oh well, back to the Wii Fit to undo the damage of my forced inactivity towards the tail end of 2011 and my lack of self-control. Damnit.

This is a detailed review of the Fuji X-T1 Fuji’s latest entry into mirrorless camera market has drawn a ton of excitement and hype. There has also been a ton written about it already. I’ve intentially avoided reading what others have said for the most part, so I could go into my review “fresh.” I’ve now had just over a week to play with the X-T1 now so I feel comfortable writing a fairly comprehensive review. I may revisit items after I get one of my own and have even more time to settle in with it. I wanted to have lots of time to go back and forth between the X-T1 and my X-E2 (and even my X100S) to see how the two cameras really stack up against each other. This will go well beyond specs where the X-T1 takes first prize without question. It should be noted that I’m not strictly comparing the X-T1 with other Fujifilm and mirrorless options. There has been a lot of talk about it being the camera to finally bring DSLR owners over to the mirrorless world. This could definitely be true—I made the jump well before the X-T1 was even a rumour—but in the spirit of fairness and accuracy, I won’t sugar-coat how I really think the X-T1 stacks up against my last (semi-)pro DSLR, the D700, and I’ll have the D300 in mind as well. These were both excellent cameras with very good focusing capabilities. With that said, one must be mindful that those bodies cost significantly more, and come with other major disadvantages like size and weight. Ok, let’s get to it. If you’d like to purchase the X-T1, or anything else for that matter, please consider using one of the affiliate links below. The price is the same for you, but a small percentage of the purchase price goes to me, which helps keep this site going. Thank you. I’m getting this out of the way right up front. The fact of the matter is, the X-T1 shares the same 16MP X-Trans CMOS II sensor as Fuji’s other recent X Series cameras. Image quality, aside from an extra bump in high ISO capabilities, is a wash. Having inspected some 100% crops of ISO 3200 and up from the X-T1 and X-E2, the X-T1 doesn’t appear to have made any further advancements in high ISO noise reduction. This isn’t a surprise given how recently the X-E2 came out, and the already excellent noise handling of the X-Trans. I’ll spare you comparing images between the two. As previously alluded, the X-T1 adds an additional ISO setting; 51,200. This is only accessible if you explicitly select it for either the “H1” or “H2” positions on the ISO dial in Set-up Menu #2 (auto ISO can only be set up to ISO 6400). To cut to the chase, I can’t imagine anyone selecting ISO 51,200. Moving from ISO 25,600, there is a sudden and drastic change in image quality. Here’s a sample of images from the X-T1 comparing the noise starting at ISO 3200, and going up full stop increments to ISO 51,200. Click to enlarge. As you can see, ISO 51,200 presents a major shift in colour, and an unusably noisy image. The detail in the wood grain is held very well through ISO 6400. It softens slightly at ISO 12,800 and extremely by 25,600. The silver band around the speaker is a testament to Fujifilm’s noise reduction algorithms. There’s certainly noise present, but there’s virtually no change throughout the images outside of the aforementioned colour shift at ISO 51,200. Pretty remarkable. Fujifilm have been steadily and consistently improving the speed and accuracy of their autofocus performance. The X100S was an improvement over the X-E1, and the X-E2 was faster still, particularly in low light. The X-T1 continues the trend and moves up yet another notch in AF performance. We’re not quite to the level of a D700 and pro zoom lens, but it’s getting close. Sitting in my basement with a single floor lamp on, I did a test, focusing on a speaker across the room. Here’s the success/failure rate: |Focus Speed||Failed to focus||Slower||Faster||Fastest| I finally had a chance to put the X-T1’s new AF system through its paces while out bowling with friends and family. The first thing I learned was I am not an action shooter. I get so carried away with tracking something that my composition suffers, badly. The second thing I learned is that the X-T1 absolutely obliterates the X-E2 in continuous AF and tracking capabilities. To be honest, I hadn’t even tried the focus tracking with the X-E2 before. I didn’t have a reason to. I figured that this would be a fairly hot topic though so I wanted to give it a shot. For the most part, I would say my ability to track a subject let me down more than the autofocus system did. One reason for this is a noticeable lag in the EVF while trying to track a moving object and shooting at 8 frames per second. It becomes difficult, if not impossible to keep a focus point on a small moving object like a bowling ball rolling off into the distance. The X-T1 has very little trouble tracking a person moving left to right, towards camera, or away from camera. Occasionally it will lose track of your subject, but often only for a single frame (again, out of 8 per second), and then it grabs your subject again. Other times, if there’s an extremely high contrast scene in behind the subject, the camera might lock onto that as it thinks that’s the thing you’re trying to photograph. My D700 was tricked by difficult scenes like this so I’m not complaining. Had I been tracking a soccer player with a park or stadium in the background, I don’t think the X-T1 would have had any trouble at all. To be perfectly honest, I think I may have chosen one of the most difficult situations for a camera to stay locked on the subject I’d like. The background was full of brightly-coloured high contrast things that cameras love to focus on. Below are some examples of continuous autofocus tracking. These were shot with a combination of the 56mm f/1.2 and the 35mm f/1.4 wide open or at f/1.4. In this first gallery, you’ll notice the camera has locked focus on the ball, looses it, but then picks up again. This is 3 images from a larger sequence. The next gallery demonstrates the cameras ability to track subjects moving away. I was even able to track the ball fairly well. There are a couple frames where the X-T1 focuses on the background, but who could blame the it for wanting to focus on that marvellously colourful and contrasty wall art, and the gleaming white bowling pins. I was able to pick up the ball again by the last frame. Here we have a combination sequence of moving away and across the frame. The camera was smart enough to ignore the woman moving from behind to the left of the subject, and only had one error frame (bottom left) where it locked onto the background. It’s actually impressive that the camera is even able to shift focus from about 2 meters to 8 meters in ⅛ of a second. Next is an example of tracking the ball. Success with tracking something so small in such poor lighting isn’t guaranteed, but that it’s even possible is impressive. EVF (and LCD) “World’s Fastest Electronic Viewfinder”1 What can I say that hasn’t been said already? The Electronic Viewfinder on the X-T1 is outstanding. It’s big, bright, and the refresh rate is fantastic in all but the lowest of light. The EVF has 2 modes in autofocus and 3 in manual. The key difference is the focus distance scale is overlaid on the image in “Full,” rather than appearing below the image in “Normal.” It’s so unobtrusive, I had to cycle between the two modes a couple times to see what was happening aside from the preview getting smaller in Normal. Eyeglass wearers will definitely appreciate Normal mode as the entire frame is more easily visible without crushing your glasses and face against the camera. For those who can get by with diopter adjustments, I’m not sure why they would choose Normal over Full when autofocusing unless there is something critical in the bottom of the frame. For the manual focuser, a third “Dual Mode” is available. I imagined a second picture being laid over top of the entire full-size frame for a picture in picture effect, but in fact it’s side-by-side pictures. You get a reduced picture of the overall scene with a small, zoomed crop of your focus point for focus confirmation. It works great. One thing that has perhaps slipped past other reviewers is the response time of the live exposure preview. In bright conditions, there have been times when I turn my X-E2 on, remove the lens cap, and then wait a brief moment for the live exposure preview to go from totally blown out to something that’s accurate. On rare occasions, I’ve been frustrated by this delay. With the X-T1, the delay has been reduced. This means being able to go from camera off with lens cap on to taking a photograph in even less time. The rotating EVF is very helpful and it seems so obvious that this is how EVFs should work. Fortunately, it’s an instantaneous change rather than the iOS-like animation from landscape to portrait as it appears in the promotional video. It’s really easy to get used to this and once you have, the non-rotating screens of the previous cameras becomes really apparent. I want this EVF UI on all my cameras. Lastly, back to lowlight, as I sit here comparing the EVF capabilities of the X-E1, X100S, X-E2, and X-T1, the X-T1 is almost like wearing night vision goggles. There are still drawbacks to an electronic vs. an optical viewfinder, but even the staunchest of OVF fans would have to concede that in low light, no OVF could come close to letting them see what they’re shooting like the EVF in the X-T1 does. It’s astounding. If you’re a nighttime street shooter, the X-T1 is the Fujifilm camera to get. The improved lowlight autofocus performance combined with an EVF that literally let’s you see in the dark is worth the cost to upgrade alone in my opinion. The LCD’s refresh rate is also incredible. You can hold the camera in front of you, and twist your wrist side to side and observe very little, if any lag. The tilt function has already come in handy for more discreet photography and lower perspectives. Unfortunately, the LCD lacks the fancy rotation of the EVF. Hopefully this rotation will make an appearance on the LCD with future cameras. I’m not sure it’s the sort of thing that can happen with a firmware update. - Fujifilm’s research as of January, 2014 ↩ I intend to spend a fair bit of time on the ergonomics and handling of the X-T1. These are areas that are really important to me. As an example, Sony’s A7(r) wasn’t even a consideration because of how awkward it is to pull ones index finger back towards them in order to depress the shutter release. It has RSI written all over it. Because of this, I was a little worried about this all-new body design. Based on all the leaked specs, I was sure I would want the camera, but if it was uncomfortable to hold or operate, my excitement would have dwindled. Fortunately, Fujifilm have taken a great deal of care with respect to the ergonomics of their latest entry. When I first got my hands on the X-T1, I was overjoyed with the extra grip and how it felt in the hand. It is fantastic to hold. As time goes on, I appreciate the new body design more and more. Without any additional grips or attachments, the X-T1 is the best-feeling X Series camera to date. It feels “sure” in the the hand. With my DSLRs, I didn’t the need to use a strap outside of the convenience. The added grip kept it feeling steady in my hand, and I didn’t feel worried about dropping it. With rangefinder-style cameras like the X100S and X-E models, a wrist strap is almost a necessity. They feel like they could slip or be knocked out of my hands at any moment. In this way, the X-T1 is very much like DSLRs. Now, when it comes to holding the camera to actually shoot, the improvement is somewhat diminished for me. That’s not to say the shooting ergonomics are poor, more that the shooting ergonomics of the X-E bodies and X100S were already pretty great. One-handed operation is serviceable on all three cameras. It’s probably least on the X100(S) for me, and about equal between the X-E and X-T bodies with the weights of the two bodies accounted for. Handling might be the biggest change from previous X Series cameras to the X-T1. It’s a complete overhaul. From the viewfinder location to the tilting LCD to the abundance of new dials an Fn buttons. Time to pick things apart. I already gushed about how amazing the new EVF is, but the next biggest change after the specs is its placement. Gone is the rangefinder-style layout. Now we have a centred DSLR-inspired EVF location. For left-eye shooters, the relocation of the EVF shouldn’t matter a ton beyond subjective preference. For right-eye shooters, the change could have a real affect on usability if you’re the sort that keeps your left eye open while shooting. I’m happy to take the added dials and switches along with the new EVF location, but it raises an interesting point to ponder with regards to the X-Pro1’s successor. Could a dual OVF/EVF appear in this new central location? That would give the X-Pro line a very different look. Or will the X-Pro forego the dedicated ISO dial? Time will tell. The addition of front and rear dials surely got a lot of people excited, particularly those coming from DSLRs. I was pretty excited too. So excited that before the camera was officially announced, I wrote in my X-T1 vs. X-E2 vs. X-Pro1 comparison: I’m surprised more people aren’t talking about the front and rear dials shown in pictures of the all but confirmed X-T1. These will almost certainly make a huge difference in how we use the camera. It’s going to make a difference, but perhaps not as big a difference as I thought. I was thinking that the addition of these dials would mean Fuji shooters would be changing their aperture and shutter speeds with them versus the aperture ring and shutter speed dial. Thinking about it now, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but what functionality the dials do bring seems relatively minor. Here are some examples: - ⅓ stop increments on shutter speed: When shooting with a user-specified shutter speed, it can be fine-tuned using the dial as you have it set in the menus, front by default. The other dial does nothing from what I can tell. - Playback: During playback, the rear dial zooms in on images while the front dial cycles through them. Using the dial to zoom on the X-T1 takes a lot of turns to get the image zoomed right in (reminds me manually focusing the X100 pre-firmware 2.0). For now, I’ll use the Focus Assist button to zoom in to 100% and then zoom out with the dial if needed. Sadly, these two functions can’t be switched yet. I would prefer to cycle images with the rear dial and zoom with the front, partly because that’s what I was used to, but also because I think it’s more intuitive. - Navigation: And lastly, the dials can be used to navigate the camera’s menus. It’s a good first step, but it can be taken it a step further. In addition to using the rear dial to scroll through menu items, the front dial should be used to drill down through sub menus. This can make navigating the menu really quick once you’re used to it. Hopefully Fujifilm will add this in a firmware update. Button & dial layout While a few of the buttons lack that satisfying buttonyness, their placement has been very well considered. Let’s take these one by one: - Shutter release: As I hold the camera the pad of my index finger falls perfectly on the shutter release. The button doesn’t feel the same as most of Fujifilm’s X Series cameras. It looks very similar to the shutter release found on the X-M1. The button seems to float a little within the power switch housing, but depressing it to focus, and then further to release the shutter is nice and slightly less spongy then the X-E or X100S shutter releases. One pretty majpr gripe, there’s no screw hole for a soft shutter release. I like having a soft shutter release in my Fuji cameras to get the shutter release where it’s most comfortable. I’d have no trouble living without it, but it’s a preference. Being able to use a mechanical cable release would also be nice. I find the cameras Fujifilm decides not to include a screw hole in a little confusing. Currently it’s available on the X-Pro, X-E, X100, and X20, and not the X-A, X-M or X-T lines. Up until that last one you’d think it was just consumer cameras that didn’t get the screw hole. Ah well. - Power switch: This is also a little different from the X-Pro, X-E and X100 cameras. I like it better. The little grip on the switch is more grippy and easier to flick on and off with gloves which makes sense for a camera that’s resistant to cold. The click is more satisfying, and feels more solid. - Exposure Compensation Dial: I love how large the dial is. Thankfully it goes to ±3 stops like the X-E2 does. It stays in place despite not having a button to release it. It’s good. - Shutter Speed Dial: Another upgrade in terms of size. I’m also very pleased I can finally turn the dial from “Bulb” to “Automatic” without having to spin the dial all the way round. Fortunately, the button-release that prevents accidental changes is only engaged with the dial is set to Automatic. That would have gotten real frustrating, real fast if it engaged throughout the whole dial. - ISO Dial: A dedicated ISO dial! Excellent. I personally will likely only use Automatic ISO and ISO 200 for the most part. Maybe ISO 400 and 800 on occasion for increased dynamic range. In this case the button that releases the dial works the whole way round so you can be sure you won’t accidentally change your ISO. H1 and H2 ISO are configurable. Not sure why you’d choose ISO 51,200, but you have the option. - Drive and Photometry (Metering) Dials: The Photometry dial is a little tough to get at, but it works well otherwise. The Drive dial is very accessible, easy to adjust, and difficult to change accidentally. Great. - Focus Control Switch: It’s in the same place as the X-E bodies, but slightly harder to change. No big deal. - Front & Rear Dials: These turn exactly as I expected them to. Nice and clicky. The front dial is a little easier to turn than the rear, but they’re both excellent. Their placement is also superb. I can comfortably keep my index finger on the shutter release and turn the front dial with my middle finger. I love it. The rear dial is easily reachable with my thumb, but again, doesn’t turn quite as easily because less of it is exposed. - Return of the View Mode: I still miss this button on my X-E2. Glad to see it return. - D-pad: Here’s where things get ugly for me. I can sort of understand the reason why, but the buttons on the the D-pad are pretty bad. They’re small, squishy, soft, and can take multiple tries to press. The top and bottom buttons are a little better than the left and right, but none are good. I can only surmise the reason they’re like this is because when you grip the camera tight, the part of your hand where the palm meets the thumb presses right up against it. This could easily result in accidental button presses. I don’t know what the answer is, and Fujifilm have definitely chosen the lesser of the two evils here, but these buttons just aren’t great and they’ll be used often. The middle MENU/OK button is butter than the surrounding buttons, but it too isn’t great. Compared to the X-E cameras, the X-T1’s D-pad isn’t even in the same league. UPDATE: This issue has largely been resolved. - Other Buttons: All the other buttons are significantly more pleasing to use. The only usability problem I’ve run into is on all of Fujifilm’s other bodies, the white text is usually directly on the button. I’ve become so accustomed to pressing where the writing is that I’ve found myself poking the “DISP/BACK” text a number of times and then had to feel around for the actual button, particularly in dimly lit shooting conditions. This is something I’ll surely get used to, but from a consistency point of view, it isn’t. The front Fn button is perfectly placed, but the “Wi-Fi” button is terrible. The position of “Focus Assist” and the “Q” button make perfect sense. Overall though, the buttons are kind of all over the place. The “Record” button is well placed, just as the Fn buttons that appeared in it’s place were before it. It would be great if the Record button was also configurable. I’d prefer not to have recording set as an option, and I’ve already accidentally recorded a bunch of half-second videos. - Diopter Adjustment: The diopter adjustment is good. Nice and clicky. The X-E2’s is a little easier to use. That’s beyond nitpicking though. - PC Sync Connection: This is fine. That cover will be lost by more than a few X-T1 owners I’d wager. The X-T1 supports UHS-II high-speed cards. This is sure to be a boon for burst-shooters. I personally rarely set the Drive dial to Continuous so I’m not the right person to write a lot of commentary on that. Write speeds to the card do seem very fast. I think the fastest UHS-I cards have throughput to spare when using the built-in reader in my MacBook Pro so I can’t comment on read speeds. The SD slot is on the side for the first time on the X-T1. The spring-loaded slide out door feels nice, opens and closes well with a satisfying click. I talked about the quality of the buttons on the D-pad above, but the huge improvement made over all the other X cameras to date is every one of these buttons is customizable. I’m still getting the right options in place, but once I do, I’ll have many more controls easily accessible. I’m really happy about this feature. Odds are, I’ll mimic the button configuration of the X100S for consistency. It’s the only camera body that put the AF point selector in the right place, in my opinion. In addition to the 4 customizable buttons of the D-pad, there’s a new front Fn button. This button is very well placed for me. Currently I have it set to Film Simulation Mode, and I use my middle finger on the front or rear dial to cycle through. This is great for changing my film simulation without taking my eye from the viewfinder or my index finger off the shutter release. One option that’s missing from this function button is the ability to temporarily change my photometry (metering) to spot. I’d love to be able to push and hold this button, meter off something specific, shoot, then switch back to my regular metering mode once the button is released. Next firmware update, hopefully. And in case you missed it above, I’d really like the Record button to be a configurable Fn button. The X-T1 has an excellent feel to it. The magnesium body gives a substantially more premium feel than the X-E cameras have. It feels like it could take more abuse than the other X Series bodies as well. It doesn’t feel quite as dense as the X100S, but it’s pretty close. In terms of how it balances in the hand with regards to weight, here are a couple good comparisons: An X-T1 with the 56mm f/1.2 = An X-E camera with the 23mm f/1.4 An X-T1 with the 35mm f/1.4 = An X-E camera with the 18mm f/2 The added heft of the X-T1 allows for heavier lenses to balance well on it. Strangely, the 56mm f/1.2 seems to balance slightly better on an X-E camera than the X-T1 when shooting, despite the X-T1 feeling so much better to hold. Coloured Focus Peaking Focus peaking in colour is great. It will be particularly handy for people who compose in black and white. I seem to have much more success with focus peaking when it’s set to “Low”, but on occasion, adjusting it to “High” may make it more visible. The obvious next step for Fujifilm is to make it intelligent so that switching between High and Low is unnecessary. Quibbles aside, I’m able to get extremely accurate focus, even with high-speed glass, focusing manually. That’s as much thanks to the dual screen mode, which I like more the more I use it. As luck would have it, a grip was sent my way just today by the fine folks at Fujifilm Canada. I’m pretty excited about this as I really wanted to test out the ergonomics of the grip while shooting portrait. There is one huge, glaring problem with the vertical grip. It feels better in the hand than the camera’s built-in horizontal grip. The standard grip is already a huge improvement in terms of how it feels in the hand, and the vertical grip is another step forward. It feels perfect in my hand. Of course this is totally subjective. My wife prefers the feel of the horizontal orientation. Otherwise the grip feels very solid on the camera. No creaking or movement when torquing it back a forth. There’s an extremely small amount of play in the front middle of the actual grip, but it’s hardly even worth noting, and could be because this is one of the few demo units Fujifilm have on hand. It’s likely seen some abuse. The grip is also weather sealed which is nice. The front dial feels as good as the one on the body. The rear dial feels a little better than the body equivalent. It’s a little easier to turn. The shutter release feels the same and the Focus Assist (FA), Exposure Lock (AE-L), and Focus Lock (AF-L) are all as good as their horizontal counterparts. One minor positioning niggle, it would be nice if the buttons were in the same arrangement in vertical and horizontal orientations. It could take some thought when switching back and forth. Once something a little heavier like the Fujifilm XF 23mm f/1.4 is on there, you’ll need to lean the camera. Images like these might be the only thing I was missing when I made the move to Fujifilm. Setting up a tripod in front of a waterfall in the pouring rain of the UK simply wasn’t a good idea. The X-T1 promises to remedy that, I think. Fujifilm are very conservative with their language surrounding what their cameras can endure. All their other X Series cameras to date, for example, cite a minimum safe operating temperature of 0˚C. I’ve had three X cameras in well below -20˚C, even -30˚C on occasion, and I’ve never had an issue. So I can only imagine the minimum recommended operating temperature of -10˚C for the X-T1 is also conservative. This brings me to water. Everyone remembers the videos of people taking a garden hose to their new Nikon D3. The D3 didn’t skip a beat. Fujifilm seem nervous to put their cameras through similar endurance tests for now, but seem confident that their weather sealing equals “the other guys.” I can only assume that I’ll be able to capture that shot of a waterfall in the rain with my X-T1 when the day comes. Sadly, that day won’t be here until around May even though the X-T1 is due to hit the streets towards the end of March (in Canada). That’s because none of Fujifilm’s existing lenses are weather sealed and won’t be until the Fujifilm XF 18-135mm f/3.5-5.6 comes out. As an aside, this does leave me wondering about Fujifilm’s kit choice. Why package the weather sealed X-T1 with the Fujifilm XF 18-55mm f/2.8-4 which is not weather sealed? I guess they want people to be able to get started with a lens as soon as possible, but I can easily see less informed photographers knowing they have “a weather sealed camera” and being disappointed to find out that didn’t include the lens. Either after they purchase it, or worse, when they send their new kit zoom in for repair. Anyhow, the good news is, a Fujifilm body that can withstand the elements will be here soon and three zoom lenses, one consumer, two pro, will follow soon after. I can easily see myself vacationing in the UK with only the X-T1, and that 16-55mm f/2.8 once it comes out. Looking forward to it. The included flash is a nice little surprise. It’s one of Fujifilm’s “Super Intelligent Flash” units, similar to the one found in the X-E2, but with a higher guide number of 11 at ISO 200 (vs. 7 on the X-E2). Based on a down and dirty test, it doesn’t appear as though the “intelligence” has increased. Getting the flash up even higher helps with shadows caused by lenses though. With that added height and power comes an increase in size, but this flash is still wonderfully compact, folds down nicely, and can easily be slipped into a pocket. It’s a real shame the flash can’t be used on other X Series cameras. I wouldn’t be sad if this is the direction Fujifilm took all their included flashes in. I accidentally set the aperture to f/2 in the second shot, compared to f/1.4 in the first. With all the critiques, I might have given the impression that I’m not that happy with the camera. I am being very hard on Fuji with this review. One thing that is important to keep in mind is these critiques are made with pro DSLR bodies in mind that cost twice as much or more when they were released. Is this fair, and have Fujifilm even claimed the camera keeps pace with pro DSLRs? Heck no, but that is that bar mirrorless cameras are constantly going to be measured against. Make no mistake, unless budget is a concern, the X-T1 is the Fujifilm camera to get if you’re buying new. It might even be the camera to get if you already have an X-E2. I know of at least two people who are looking to trade up from X-E2’s. If I wasn’t running this site, my body lineup would be the X-T1 and a black X100S. I’ve been relishing these past few days having those bodies along with my “Ultimate Prime Kit” in my Billingham. Sadly I’ll have to wait a little while before I can pack that kit again. I can assure you though, it will be packed as soon as possible. I have little doubt that 2014 is going to be a very good year for Fujifilm. That will definitely be driven by the excitement around the X-T1, and the new FUJINON lenses, the XF 56mm f/1.2 and, to a lesser degree (strangely), the XF 10-24mm f/4. This means there will be no shortage of new fans to the world of Fujifilm. I hope this review will help these new entrants make as informed a choice as possible about which is the right camera for them. For those already in this world, you’ve probably already decided the X-T1 is the next step. It is must-buy for any Fuji fan who shoots in poor weather, in low light, action, or all of the above, and it’s the camera to buy for serious photographers looking for a compact system. I can’t wait until my preorder comes in.

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What is a Cesarean section? Cesarean section, C-section, or Cesarean birth is the surgical delivery of a baby through a cut (incision) made in the mother's abdomen and uterus. Health care providers use it when they believe it is safer for the mother, the baby, or both. The incision made in the skin may be: Up-and-down (vertical).This incision extends from the belly button to the pubic hairline. Across from side-to-side (horizontal).This incision extends across the pubic hairline. It is used most often, because it heals well and there is less bleeding. The type of incision used depends on the health of the mother and the fetus. The incision in the uterus may also be either vertical or horizontal. Why might I need a C-section? If you can't deliver vaginally, C-section allows the fetus to be delivered surgically. You may be able to plan and schedule your Cesarean. Or, you may have it done because of problems during labor. Several conditions make a Cesarean delivery more likely. These include: Abnormal fetal heart rate. The fetal heart rate during labor is a good sign of how well the fetus is doing. Your provider will monitor the fetal heart rate during labor. The normal rate varies between 120 to 160 beats per minute. If the fetal heart rate shows there may be a problem, your provider will take immediate action. This may be giving the mother oxygen, increasing fluids, and changing the mother's position. If the heart rate doesn’t improve, he or she may do a Cesarean delivery. Abnormal position of the fetus during birth. The normal position for the fetus during birth is head-down, facing the mother's back. Sometimes a fetus is not in the right position. This makes delivery more difficult through the birth canal. Problems with labor. Labor that fails to progress or does not progress the way it should. Size of the fetus. The baby is too large for your provider to deliver vaginally. Placenta problems. This includes placenta previa, in which the placenta blocks the cervix. (Premature detachment from the fetus is known as abruption.) Certain conditions in the mother, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or HIV infection Active herpes sores in the mother’s vagina or cervix Twins or other multiples Your healthcare provider may have other reasons to recommend a Cesarean delivery. What are the risks of a C-section? Some possible complications of a C-section may include: - Reactions to the medicines used during surgery - Abnormal separation of the placenta, especially in women with previous Cesarean delivery - Injury to the bladder or bowel - Infection in the uterus - Wound infection - Trouble urinating or urinary tract infection - Delayed return of bowel function - Blood clots After a C-section, a woman may not be able to have a vaginal birth in a future pregnancy. It will depend on the type of uterine incision used. Vertical scars are not strong enough to hold together during labor contractions, so a repeat C-section is necessary. You may have other risks that are unique to you. Be sure to discuss any concerns with your healthcare provider before the procedure, if possible. How do I get ready for a C-section? - Your healthcare provider will explain the procedure to you and you can ask question. - You will be asked to sign a consent form that gives your permission to do the procedure. Read the form carefully and ask questions if something is unclear. - You will be asked when you last had anything to eat or drink. If your C-section is planned and requires general, spinal, or epidural anesthesia, you will be asked to not eat or drink anything for 8 hours before the procedure. - Tell your healthcare provider if you are sensitive to or are allergic to any medicine, latex, iodine, tape, or anesthesia. - Tell your healthcare provider of all medicine (prescription and over-the-counter), vitamins, herbs, and supplements that you are taking. - Tell your healthcare provider if you have a history of bleeding disorders or if you are taking any blood-thinning medicines (anticoagulants), aspirin, or other medicines that affect blood clotting. You may be told to stop these medicines before the procedure. - You may be given medicine to decrease the acid in your stomach. These also help dry the secretions in your mouth and breathing passages. - Plan to have someone stay with you after a C-section. You may have pain in the first few days and will need help with the baby. - Follow any other instructions your provider gives you to get ready. What happens during a C-section? A C-section will be done in an operating room or a special delivery room. Procedures may vary depending on your condition and your healthcare provider's practices. In most cases, you will be awake for a C-section. Only in rare cases will a mother need medicine that puts you into a deep sleep (general anesthesia). Most C-sections are done with a regional anesthesia such as an epidural or spinal. With these, you will have no feeling from your waist down, but you will be awake and able to hear and see your baby as soon as he or she is born. Generally, a C-section follows this process: - You will be asked to undress and put on a hospital gown. - You will be positioned on an operating or exam table. - A urinary catheter may be put in if it was not done before coming to the operating room. - An intravenous (IV) line will be started in your arm or hand. - For safety reasons, straps will be placed over your legs to hold you on the table. - Hair around the surgical site may be shaved. The skin will be cleaned with an antiseptic solution. - Your abdomen (belly) will be draped with sterile material. A drape will also be placed above your chest to screen the surgical site. - The anesthesiologist will continuously watch your heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, and blood oxygen level during the procedure. - Once the anesthesia has taken effect, your provider will make an incision above the pubic bone, either transverse or vertical. You may hear the sounds of an electrocautery machine that seals off bleeding. - Your provider will make deeper incisions through the tissues and separate the muscles until the uterine wall is reached. He or she will make a final incision in the uterus. This incision is also either horizontal or vertical. - Your provider will open the amniotic sac, and deliver the baby through the opening. You may feel some pressure or a pulling sensation. - He or she will cut the umbilical cord. - You will get medicine to help the uterus contract and expel the placenta in your IV. - Your provider will remove your placenta and examine the uterus for tears or pieces of placenta. - He or she will use sutures to close the incision in the uterine muscle and reposition the uterus in the pelvic cavity. - Your provider will close the muscle and tissue layers with sutures. He or she will close the skin incision with sutures or surgical staples. - Finally, your provider will apply a sterile bandage. What happens after a C-section? In the hospital In the recovery room, nurses will watch your blood pressure, breathing, pulse, bleeding, and the firmness of your uterus. Usually, you can be with your baby while you are in the recovery area. In some cases, babies born by Cesarean will first need to be monitored in the nursery for a short time. Breastfeeding can start in the recovery area, just as with a vaginal delivery. After an hour or 2 in the recovery area, you will be moved to your room for the rest of your hospital stay. As the anesthesia wears off, you may get pain medicine as needed. This can be either from the nurse or through a device connected to your intravenous (IV) line called a PCA (Patient Controlled Analgesia) pump. In some cases, pain medicine may be given through the epidural catheter until it is removed. You may have gas pains as the intestinal tract starts working again after surgery. You will be encouraged to get out of bed. Moving around and walking helps ease gas pains. Your healthcare provider may also give you medicine for this. You may feel some uterine contractions called after-pains for a few days. The uterus continues to contract and get smaller over several weeks. The urinary catheter is usually removed the day after surgery. You may be given liquids to drink a few hours after surgery. You can gradually add more solid foods as you can handle them. You may be given antibiotics in your IV while in the hospital and a prescription to keep taking the antibiotics at home. You will need to wear a sanitary pad for bleeding. It is normal to have cramps and vaginal bleeding for several days after birth. You may have discharge that changes from dark red or brown to a lighter color over several weeks. Do not douche, use tampons, or have sex until your healthcare provider tells you it’s OK. You may also have other limits on your activity, including no strenuous activity, driving, or heavy lifting. Take a pain reliever as recommended by your healthcare provider. Aspirin or certain other pain medicines may increase bleeding. So, be sure to take only recommended medicines. Arrange for a follow-up visit with your healthcare provider. This is usually 2 to 3 weeks after the surgery. Call your healthcare provider right away if any of these occur: - Heavy vaginal bleeding - Foul-smelling drainage from your vagina - Fever or chills - Severe abdominal (belly) pain - Increased pain, redness, swelling, or bleeding or other drainage from the incision - Leg pain - Trouble breathing, chest pain, or heart palpitations Your healthcare provider may give you other instructions, depending on your situation. Before you agree to the test or the procedure make sure you know: - The name of the test or procedure - The reason you are having the test or procedure - What results to expect and what they mean - The risks and benefits of the test or procedure - What the possible side effects or complications are - When and where you are to have the test or procedure - Who will do the test or procedure and what that person’s qualifications are - What would happen if you did not have the test or procedure - Any alternative tests or procedures to think about - When and how will you get the results - Who to call after the test or procedure if you have questions or problems - How much will you have to pay for the test or procedure

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Below is an excerpt from David Horowitz's new book, Mortality & Faith: Reflections on a Journey through Time. Order it: Here. * * * These are reflections on a journey that began almost eighty years ago. Its autobiographical narrative covers the twenty years since the publication of Radical Son, completing the account of my life to its seventy-seventh year. The final section, “Staying Alive” is new, but the other three parts have been previously published as separate volumes with the same titles. I have put them together here to make clear the singular nature of the underlying narrative and to underscore its themes, which are the lessons I have learned along the way. * * * When he was alive and I was still young, my father told me his version of the Fall. “We begin to die the day we are born,” he said. What I think my father meant by this was that the cells, which are the invisible elements of our being, are constantly churning in nature’s cycle. Silently, without our being aware of their agony, they are inexorably aging and taking us with them. Year by year, the skin parches, the sinews slacken, and the bones go brittle, until one day the process stops, and we are gone. At least that is what I think my father said because that is all that I can remember. And what I can remember is all that is left of the time we spent together long ago, a fading image now like the rest. I can still see the sunlight on the green hedge where we paused on the sidewalk. I can see the mottled Sycamores shading the street, and the way my father turned until the tan dome of his forehead caught the glint of the light when he shared his thought. On this day we were taking our Saturday walk through Sunnyside Gardens, the neighborhood where I grew up. In the yards the spring warmth had pushed the yellow daffodils and purple crocuses through the black earth creating warm little splashes of color. I remember the feeling of pleasure I had, and always did, being alone with him. Or maybe it is the lingering memory that is the pleasure. Or both. I can no longer tell. When he didn’t go to work, my father took walks every day of his life that I can recall. It was only years afterward that it occurred to me that for him the aim of these walks was not to go somewhere, but to get away. As though the life he had been given was less than the one he wanted, or more than one he could bear. As my father imparted his reflection, the timbre in his voice gave off no hint of gloom but was detached and clinical as though he were making a scientific observation devoid of human reference. Even now, I cannot guess what his intentions were, or why he decided to share this dark insight with me when I was so innocent of life myself. But he did; and the words have stuck ever since and into the present when age is already on me and has sunk its teeth into my marrow, and feelings of mortality have made themselves as familiar as hello and goodbye. * * * It is more than half a century since my father and I took our walk. From that time until his death nearly forty years later in the same redbrick row house on the same tree-lined street, we never discussed the subject again. Though I never forgot what he said, I never bothered in all that time to inquire of anyone who might actually know whether it was based on a biological truth, or not. Nor did it ever occur to me that his words might not actually have referred to the objective world, but to his feelings about himself. My father was a small, well-intentioned man of melancholy humors and roiling regrets. Bleak thoughts enveloped him in a cloud so dense he was rarely able to see the sun behind it. One effect of this rough weather approach was to make it difficult for him to find pleasure in the opportunities life offered. When good fortune came knocking at his door, he received it more often than not as he would a visitor to the wrong address. All our days together I wrestled with my father’s discontent and tried as best I could to overcome it. But eventually I understood that the well from which he drew his unhappiness was bottomless, and no one could stem its flow. As a result, the lesson he left me was not contained in the earnest lectures he gave, but in the instruction of a life that clung to its defeats like an infant to its mother’s breast. Unlike my father, I do not feel that life is a downhill run. Nor do I think of it as an arc that rises steadily until it reaches its apogee, tapers, and arches back to earth. The fate we choose is inscribed in multiple flights. Some follow the gravity of rise and fall, while others – those of the spirit for example -- may never head downward, but climb steadily to the end, where they just drop, cliff-like into the dark. Consequently, there is no right time for last words, no point of demarcation for our adieux; no designated moment to set down the summary thoughts of a mind still counting. Whether you begin to die at the beginning -- as my father believed -- or whether you burn brightly to the end, you can’t wait forever to pass to others what you have learned. When the time approaches you could already have a foot in oblivion, or be crippled by a stroke, or so blasted with pain as to lose the ability to reflect at all. In this life, you can be hauled off without warning. You can step onto the wrong plane, or off the wrong curb, or into the wrong conversation and be gone. A microorganism can stumble into a passage to your heart and douse the lights before you even learn its name. Or the cells of your being -- those busy dying since you were born -- can go berserk and betray you in a cancer that chokes your last thought. No matter how young you are or how far you get, you can never know if there will be hours enough to finish the page. Some of us get yanked before our time while others hang on longer than they should. Still others take themselves out when they think they’ve had enough. But what is enough, particularly if you wise up and eventually master the game? It doesn’t matter. The clock is ticking and the buzzer is set. This is an injustice that no reform can repair and no court redress. * * * When I began these pages I was living in a Mediterranean-style house perched like an eyrie on the palisades high above the Pacific Ocean. I had gravitated to this refuge only two years before in what I realized was an homage to a passion I inherited from my father. It was the only non-political one he ever really allowed himself - his unfulfilled longing for the sea. On crystal days, which were many, I would look out through picture windows to my only horizon, a panorama of whitecaps and blue water, and miss him. In such moments, my father’s ghost would sometimes return to haunt me. I could see the face I had both loved and feared approach on the ether of memory until it was only a breath away. An impulse to please would swell like an ocean wave inside me, and I would look out on the roll of dolphins and pelicans, and welcome my lost father to a luxury neither of us could ever have imagined would be ours. In these reveries his spirit was so palpable I could almost touch it. I would point my fingers towards the apparition and run them down the slope of its brow until I had fully mapped the frown of his rejection. For there was never a chance he would accept my gift or take its pleasures. Not now; not then; not ever. The opportunity rolled away from us like the ebb of an evening tide. It hardly matters why; whether he felt he didn’t deserve this happiness, or I didn’t, or both. It only matters that it was so. In my father’s house there were no mansions. * * * Because he was unable to get what he wanted in this life, my father frittered away his days in dreams of the next. The metaphor of this longing was the sea, limitless and unattainable. What my father desperately wanted – or so he believed -- was a world better than the one he had been given. This was the unrequited romance of his life, the object of the only prayers he ever allowed himself. But the world did not heed his prayers. It ignored him, as it does us all, and went its own way. In the end, my father’s disappointment was the gift he gave me, an irony that still links us beyond the grave. His melancholy taught me the lesson he was unable to learn himself. Don’t bury the life you have been given in this world in fantasies of the next; don’t betray yourself with impossible dreams. Are these judgments too harsh? Are they gripes of an ungrateful son? Perhaps the father I think I know was not so helpless after all; perhaps he was even shrewd. Maybe when he shared his thoughts with me on our neighborhood walk, he meant something else entirely. Maybe what he was saying to his son was this: Prepare now for the end. * * * When the novelist Saul Bellow reached the age of seventy-eight his brain was still kicking like that of a young man. All Marbles Still Accounted For was the witty title he devised for a novel he was writing that was still unfinished. In the pages of the books he did send to press, he showed he was still capable of turning out clever prose and was a step ahead of everyone else in getting things to add up. He remained a master of the game. In that same year Bellow published an elegiac tale about his dying mother who had been stricken with cancer a lifetime before. The story recounted an embarrassing incident, which its fictional narrator claimed had distracted him from his filial obligation. It happened to him on a winter’s day when his mother lay on a bed of pain, gulping the arduous breaths her family knew would be her last. While the mother suffered, life continued for everyone else, including her son who went about his job delivering flowers for a local merchant. Late that afternoon, he was bearing an armful of lilies to the wake of a young girl no older than himself. Entering the room where her coffin lay open, he cast a diffident eye on the lifeless form. After navigating the crowd of mourners and locating the grieving mother, he pressed his funeral bouquet into her arms and fled. This encounter with death so affected the young man that instead of returning to the shop for more orders or going home, he decided to stop at a nearby office building where his uncle worked. The uncle was out, but as the youth made his way down the hall he passed the open door of a doctor’s office and had a chance encounter with a sexual mystery woman. She was lying on a table naked, but failed to react when she caught sight of him spying on her. This seductive behavior planted the idea in his head that she was available for his pleasure. Hot with desire, he allowed her to lure him across town to an apartment, where she induced him to undress. All the while, his flesh was burning, which caused his brain cells to go numb so he didn’t see what was coming. When he had completely removed his clothes, the hooker grabbed them and fled into the bitter cold of the Chicago night. Ruefully, Bellow’s narrator recalls how he put on a dress that he found in a closet, and went out into the freezing air, dreading the humiliation that awaited him, and his father’s anger, when he got back. His money was gone and he had no carfare, so he went into a local bar where his luck improved when the bartender paid him to see a drunken customer home. Afterwards, he boarded the El that would take him back. But sitting in the train car, alone with his shame, he had an unnerving thought. Until then, he had been fearful of facing his father’s fury at what he had done. Now he began to hope for it instead. For he remembered what his desire had caused him to forget: his mother was dying. If his father was angry at him when he stepped through the front door, he would know she was still alive. One lesson of this story concerns animal desire. Sex is a force so powerful that it is the source of endless human embarrassment and considerable personal grief. Lust will frustrate a man’s best efforts to elevate himself and make of his life something dignified and worthy. It will induce him to do things that are stupid and humbling. Like shaming one’s mother on her deathbed. Yet desire is only a sub-theme of Bellow’s tale, which is built on facts taken from his life. Bellow’s fictional narrator dedicates this memoir to his son as a memento for when he is gone, calling it, Something To Remember Me By. This is a typical Bellow trope, since it is a story anyone would prefer to forget. Perhaps that is why it took Bellow until his 78th year to write it down. The main theme of his tale is announced in its opening paragraph, which is constructed around the image of a turntable. The author doesn’t identify the turntable he has in mind, whether it is the kind one finds in children’s playgrounds or the kind used to play vinyl records and produce musical sounds, gone now like so much else. Instead he writes, “When there is too much going on, more than you can bear, you may choose to assume that nothing in particular is happening, that your life is going round and round like a turntable.” Perhaps the denial he is referring to is larger than the moment itself. Perhaps he is hinting that the music of your days can lull you into an illusion that the present will go on and on, and will never go anywhere else. Or perhaps, more simply, that your life is in motion when you think you are just standing still. Until something happens, that is. Until you get clobbered by an event and wake up to the fact that the stillness is an illusion. That everything is changing about you, and that one day it will come to an end. In Bellow’s case the clobbering was his mother’s death. Inexplicably and without warning, the cells in her body had run amok and created a malignancy in her breast. Soon, it was choking her, until she was gasping for air and spitting up blood. And then she was gone. When Bellow’s mother had breathed her last and her agonies finally came to an end, the coroner did not know what age to put on the certificate of death. Like many immigrants she had no idea of the date she was born and neither did anyone else. So the coroner did what he could and put on the certificate what he saw. She seemed to be a woman of “about fifty,” he wrote. The certificate was like a tag on ancient bones that had been exhumed in an archaeological dig and that no one could identify. Her surviving son was only seventeen. “One day you are aware that what you took to be a turntable, smooth, flat and even, was in fact a whirlpool, a vortex,” Bellow observes. The vortex of his mother’s death had sucked some part of him beneath the surface and it never came back. “My life was never the same after my mother died,” he noted long afterward. In the story, he wrote: “I knew she was dying, and didn’t allow myself to think about it – there’s your turntable.” In the business of mothers dying, fate dealt me a better hand than it did Saul Bellow. My mother lived to a ripe age and was vigorous to the end. When she had her first stroke my children were already adults and had given me two grandchildren besides. I was well into the cycle of the generations. This prepared me in a way that the young Bellow could not have been for the cold hand of mortality that a parent’s death lays on your heart. When the time arrived for my mother to go, it seemed almost natural that her life should draw to a conclusion. Even though her death was sudden and unannounced, I had time enough to prepare for it, to see the vortex coming. On the other hand, the months before she died were not unlike the day remembered in Bellow’s story. I, too, let myself go round like a turntable, running about the business of my life while the clock on hers ticked mercilessly away. What else could I have done? Can one focus on death like a watched pot, waiting for it to boil? If we concentrated on our dying with an intensity that never let up, everything in our lives would come to a stop, until our days would seem like the grave itself. So usually we don’t pay attention to where we are headed but go round on the turntable and pretend we are standing still. Here’s a tip. As you go spinning round, turn one eye to the side every now and then. Look over the edge and focus on a fixed object. Find a way to calculate your progress. Otherwise, life will pass you by before you wake up. My father – blessed be his memory -- was right: Never forget the cells that are dying. Life is not a turntable, and one day the music will stop.

Alrighty then, let’s get to it. Cork band Cassidy Club blasted their way onto my radar 3 weeks ago when they released their debut single ‘Friendzone’ with a phenomenal music video along with it. Much like when I first heard about Mechner, I can once again attribute this discovery for me being down to artist, and good friend of mine, James Or sharing the post on Facebook and thus reaching me. Top lad. Cassidy Club consists of Rob Carlile on Vocals & Guitar, Liz Grainger on Vocals, Jack Hickey on Drums & Vocals, Adam O Donovan on Bass and Eamonn Mulholland on Guitar. Getting back to the song itself, the premise of it is as predictable as the name suggests, with this lyric from the chorus summing it up “Here’s another song from the front-lines of the Friendzone.” The song is incredibly catchy, with witty and entertaining lyrics that puts Cassidy Club’s stamp on the widely known and understood concept of the Friendzone. It’s altogether a very well rounded song and the absolute perfect choice of a debut single to fly their flag with as their ship sails forwards. When I say the music video is phenomenal, I really mean it as well. They went above and beyond with their artistic vision and creativity to pull off this feat, and I was reeled in from the moment I first saw it. Featuring five absolutely incredible puppets in the likeness of the band members, created by none other than the mother of front-man Rob, along with a bunch of awesome props and scenery attributed to the creative talents of his father. The music video sees these puppets animated by strings and playing their instruments pretty well I must say, and follows the journey of the puppet front-man trailing at the heels of the woman of his desire at her every beck and call (Played by human Muireann Joyce). It’s all crafted and arranged so amazingly, I can’t imagine how much time and dedication it required to put it all together. At 16,000+ views thus far, they’ve clearly made an impact with this release and are probably feeling pretty good about the return from their invested efforts! Single Launch Party So with their brand new single came the opportunity to gig with it for it’s official launch, which they held at An Spailpin Fanach in Cork on September 21st (Mere days after The Elation I hear you not-think to yourself, why yes indeed I had a very busy week! Wait til you see what I did the day after this particular gig as well :o). Arriving at the venue, the same level of attention to detail and planning that they showcased in their music video was apparent here as well. With a real fun party atmosphere, balloons everywhere and party gift bags complimentary with the entry fee, it already felt awesome walking into the place. Heading deeper into the room where the stage is, the first thing I spotted was the puppet-band all sitting at a table. I was star struck, so I paparazzi’d them and fled towards the front of the room lest they witness me embarrass myself in any way. Other such details that really fulfilled the setting was a string-banner of balloons painted with the letters to make up Cassidy Club, various props from the music video dotted around the place, Cassidy Club’s cut-out backlit sign from the header of this post, and some really cool light-cube things around the stage area. They effectively went all out with the setting, which promised to be a fantastic evening. Also massive props to them, the turnout for the evening was fantastic, packing out the place quite nicely. Joining them on the evening to support was the fantastic Cork musician Elaine Malone. A talented singer/songwriter, Elaine was quite recently featured on BalconyTV to play her song ‘No Blood’, which the video for is embedded here. Other works she has released so far are available to listen to on Soundcloud here. On the evening in question, she popped up to the stage wielding an electric guitar and a warning of a possibly cough-filled performance. She needn’t have worried though, as any impending doom proposed by her temporarily weakened state failed to materialize, as she played and sang in mesmerizing fashion. She played much of her released music as well as some new material as well, such as the track affectionately labeled ‘Stupid Hipster’ to which she led into by saying it’s “Kind of an autobiography”. Early into the set, it nearly ended as quickly as it had begun. She was just getting into her song ‘You’, when her guitar strap whipped off the guitar and nearly sent the instrument falling to the floor. Drop the guitar she did not, though, and with a jesting quip at Pro Musica for their guitar straps and a quick re-attaching later, she was back in action and completed the rest of her set. Her performance went down a right treat with everyone in attendance, with Rob Carlile adding in conversation with myself afterwards that she’d been fantastic and her singing had sent chills down his spine. Spot on Elaine, I look forward to more to come! Following on from the fantastic opener to the evening that was Elaine Malone, Cassidy Club hit the stage. Half the band had seemingly missed out on some form of pre-planned dress code memo, as some were wearing cartoon inspired shirts and the like (Particularly a few Adventure Time related clothes), whereas the rest were dressed in normal casual attire. They were also humans and not puppets, so I guess that was a tad out of order as well. Band member Eamonn Mulholland wasn’t able to play this gig, and thus Cúán Walsh played Guitar in his stead. Playing keys for parts of the night as well was Aengus Mac A Bháird. Once they were all equipped and ready to go, they set off with a continuation of fantastic music for the evening. From their upbeat songs to their more emotionally packed and hard hitting songs (Particularly the tribute to their former bassist Eoin Murray who sadly passed away two years prior ), the band showcased their wonderful musical prowess in their varied performance for the evening. There was also a few songs for which Liz Grainger stepped to the forefront to be the lead singer, for which she did awesomely. Towards the end of the set, they played a song dubbed ‘A Love Song in Falsetto’. As they hit the peak of the song, everything stopped for a moment to allow Rob to prepare, as he grabbed a bunch of helium-filled balloons. It quickly became apparent why they needed more than one balloon, as his woeful attempts to pinch and stab the balloons to get a hit of the helium inside resulted in the first few simply being popped. Finally, though, he successfully managed an intake of Helium, the band resumed right into the peak of the song like it had never stopped, and Rob hit the high note hinted at in the title of the song for all of maybe 2 seconds, and then the song was over! Comedic stuff, they sure are a charismatic and engaging bunch! Their final song for the evening would of course be, and what else, ‘Friendzone’. So there we have it, that was the wonderful Cassidy Club experience! A gift bag, you say? Indeed, the gift bag that I got upon entry to the venue and thus this post’s equivalent to my merch haul! These lads are seriously great craic (Fun, ye readers of non Irish descent) and they truly put together an experience that’s unforgettable. The gift bag is the icing on the cake, it’s like being 9 years old all over again! First up in the bag is a brilliant booklet containing a plethora of fun stuff, as I’m not inclined to spam up photographs of it all, I’ll summarize: A humorous chilling tale titled ‘The Spirits of Hassle Castle’ featuring the abusive governess Lydia Heathcliffburg, brother and sister Jonathan and Amelia, Amelia’s ‘imaginary’ friend Mr Wank and a thick-accented (With delightfully thickly written dialogue) coachman. Next up in the booklet is a piece entitled the ‘Poetry Coroner’ which is a comical piss-take on the over analysis with which we are taught to butcher good poetry with. Tackling the (totally not made up) literary genius ‘Eliot Nyrrh’ and his poems such as ‘The Ghosts of Old Toasts’, ‘Contrary Technician’ and of course who could forget his masterpiece ‘What is Love’ included below. What is love? Don’t hurt me. What follows is a ‘Fan Art’ page, in which Cassidy Club responds to and rips into the letters submitted by infant fans and their atrocious drawings with no correlation to the band. Next we have some delightful horoscopes, Cassidy Club style. As an Aquarius, my horoscope was “As an Aqualung, you tend to avoid things that are painful. Some people may not like your style, but that is simply because you are a bad person.” Ouch. Thanks lads. Last but not least, a couple of outrageous puzzles, which may be familiar as the go-to’s of the riddle world but do not have the usual conventional answers. I would just like to note that this is a work of genius by the band, in that it provides the perfect activity with which to kill the time waiting after entry to the gig until the music begins. I was engrossed in the fun little booklet for quite some time. Elsewhere in the gift bag was a black pen. A download code for the single, naturally. A sherbet stick thing. A small packet of Love Hearts candy. A swizzels Drumstick sweet. And lastly, my personal favourite for the potential ways to interpret it, a small baggy of 5 M&M’s with ‘Cassidy Club’ stamped onto the back of them. I don’t know about you, but 5 colourful round items in a little bag, with an M that could be read as an E at a certain rotation, that could be construed in a certain hilarious manner (Mind you if you look at it in that way, the sherbet could be called into question too). I’m keeping one in case I can sell it for loads of money on E-Bay some day. I’ll leave you on that note, thanks for an awesome evening lads, and thank you to Rob for helping me to fill a couple missing gaps with his input. And remember folks, keep on Merchin’!

IF LOVE IS NOT DEMONSTRATED, IT IS NOT LOVE. • No Hollywood Happily-Ever-After's • No Overly Simplified Platitudes • No Romanticized Nonsense WHAT LOVE IS about what it takes to actually stand behind the loving words we too often say without understanding what they really mean, or perhaps more accurately, without understanding what we must do in order to give our words meaning. Love doesn’t come with an instruction manual but this little book just might help. THE GREATER POSSIBILITIES: 125 Reflections on the Method & Meaning of Genuine Success is a bare-bones guide to what genuine success is and how to get there. Nothing extra -- just simple principles, clearly explained with equally clear directions about putting it all to work in your life. Small book, bite-size reflections, big impact. The only reason this is not a quick read is that you will be rereading it. Don't just read The Greater Possibilities --- use it, put it to work. Buy more than one copy because you will want to make a gift of this one. Executives, Managers, Life Coaches: an excellent gift for employees and clients. EMBRACING FEAR: How to Turn What Scares Us into Our Greatest Gift explores the one thing that we all have in common: fear. Thom contends that we waste our efforts and energy when we are trying to “get rid of” fear, and insists that the real task is to change our relationship with fear. Includes his four-step plan (the acronym F.E.A.R.) for making that change. LIFE WITHOUT ED: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder & How You Can Too is written by Jenni Schaefer with therapeutic exercises contributed by Thom. This is the story of Jenni’s journey into recovery, with Thom as her therapist and guide. THE SELF-FORGIVENESS HANDBOOK: Treating Yourself with the Love & Compassion You May Not Know You Deserve This is a step-by-step guide to overcoming damaging self-criticism, developing a compassionate relationship with the self, and living a more positive and productive life, free of the committee of internal voices that dismiss strengths and magnify blunders and mistakes. The Self-Forgiveness Handbook takes readers through a program of guided exercises that introduce and reinforce the seven essential components of self-forgiveness and personal responsibility. EARNING YOUR OWN RESPECT: A Handbook of Personal Responsibility shows us that we all have what it takes to live meaningful lives. The key is to live responsibly and Thom provides a step by step program for connecting or reconnecting to our own good judgment and earning the respect of the one person we need to trust above all others: ourselves. This book is currently out of print but available on amazon as a used book. THE ANTIDOTE: Responding to the Ridiculous & Dangerous Over-Simplifications of The Secret In our current ultra-polarized world, if you are a fan of the best-selling book and dvd project, The Secret, you may be likely to dismiss this little e-book without much thought. What Thom hopes is that, especially given its e-book accessibility and inexpensive price, that readers who have enjoyed and benefited from The Secret will read The Antidote. The book even begins with a list of positive things about the book. The Antidote appeals to the part of readers who understand that sometimes over-simplification can be helpful and sometimes it can even be dangerous. Sometimes (too often according to this author), self-help writers and their publishers take advantage of readers' desire of easy answers to life's complex problems. SIT DOWN & SHUT UP: A Guide to Simple Meditation & Practical Wisdom Laugh. Think. Feel. Wonder. Repeat. Best selling author, Thom Rutledge, has always had a way of blending humor with the intensity that comes with facing long-standing fear, shame, and anger. With Sit Down & Shut Up, he brings the humor to the foreground without losing any of the down-to-earth usefulness readers have come to expect from him. This book belongs in a genre that is uniquely Thom Rutledge. Let's call it Self-Helpful Entertainment. Order now and get ready to sit down and shut up. Or shout at the top of your lungs. As Thom is known to say, "totally your call." Both CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE RECOVERING SOUL and its accompanying DAILY INSPIRATIONS have contributions from Thom.

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Living Gallery: Linda LaBeija Feb. 7, 7:00 pm – 7:30 pm Adjusting My Crown Linda LaBeija presents excerpts from Adjusting My Crown, her first studio project. The performance is set to combine interpretive movement with elements of house, spoken word, hip hop and R&B. Witness her exploration into the reality of black trans mortality as she confronts issues around race, sex, love and gender. May audiences leave changed, reignited, and uplifted after this rallying call. ABOUT LINDA LABEIJA Linda LaBeija is a multidisciplinary artist, teacher and curator from the Boogie Down Bronx of New York. Her work explores the complexities of living as a transgender woman of color in today’s America. With origins in both Black America and the English/Spanish-speaking Caribbean, Linda’s transnational experience of living at the intersection of embodied, social, and national borders hones in on the critiques of hegemonic power. Born out of the Iconic House of LaBeija in the underground New York City Vogue Ballroom scene, Linda’s pursuit of spoken word infused musical sound has been featured in articles in both AFROPUNK and The Fader. She has been featured in magazines such as The New Yorker, Timeout New York, W Magazine and Coveteur Mag. She has helped open stages for StaceyAnn Chin, Me’shell Ndegeoecello, Big Freedia and Billy Porter. She has curated performances through The Bronx Academy of Arts and Dance, La Mama Experimental Theater, New York Live Arts and VICE. She can also be seen in the feature film “Pariah” directed by Dee Rees and in the FX series “Pose” produced by Ryan Murphy. Currently, her work can be found archived at the Brooklyn Museum in the “Nobody Promised You Tomorrow: Art 50 Years After Stonewall” Exhibit. Through workshop facilitation and communal performances, Linda uses her autobiographical work to create greater social consciousness around transgender issues. In addition to her creative work, she works full time providing services to LGBT homeless youth at the Ali Forney Center as their first Arts Programming and Community Outreach Coordinator. She has long served her community for nearly a decade working with organizations such as the Hetrick-Martin Institute, The Possibility Project, El Puente Leadership Center, Safe Space, Safe Horizon and Voices Unbroken. She even helped organize AFROPUNK’s Trans Justice March of 2015. She has extensive experience working with runaway/homeless youth, injection drug users, young people who have been incarcerated and commercial sex and specializes in providing LGBT services. As a performing artist, musician, teacher and writer, Linda’s work intervenes with confidence, politicized anger, and grace into a symbolic and literal economy which would otherwise render her bound and gagged. Photo courtesy of the artist. Living Gallery, a monthly program curated by Eva Yaa Asantewaa and produced in the Gibney Gallery, presents live performance of storytelling, monologues, spoken word, stand-up, or creative talks. Each performance—free and open to the public—runs 30-45 minutes, usually scheduled within the hour before a dance concert presented in Gibney’s Theater. We welcome you to attend both events and enjoy a wide range of expressive artists. Gibney 280 Broadway is accessible via elevator from the main entrance at 53A Chambers Street. We welcome the opportunity to make this event more accessible. Please refrain from wearing scented products, so that people with chemical sensitivities can join us. Please request ASL interpreting, audio description, or open captioning 30 days before the event or submit other requests by completing our Access Requests and Inquiries Form or calling 646.837.6809 (Voice only).

The Keeping Place isn't my favouritte as Matty only appears in dreams, Rushton is kidnapped and Dameon is in Sador most of the time! There are no hot guys left! lol danni, I can't imagine how i survived reading TKP withut mat & reeds... meh I need a quote... "there are too many dead because of my blindness..." elf, after malik's massacre in TKP tis not a fantastic quote, but still tis tragic [img]http://s4.images.proboards.com/sad.gif" alt=":(" border="0"/> i can't believe this one hasn't been done yet! it's one of the best/ heart renching bits of the chronicles (in my opinion) 'No!' I screamed and threw my leg over her to slide to the ground. 'I forfeit!' There was a roaring sound in my ears, and my leg felt oddly numb, but I turned to slide my arms around the mare's bloody neck. 'I am sorry, ElspethInnle. I have failed you,' she sent humbly. 'Never,' i whispered, looking into her eyes. I kissed her soft nose and limped with her back to the pens. I did not look at Malik, who had jumped clear of his horse. faraf and elspeth in ashling (and just as emmotional for me as the death of the Tod in the gathering) *cries* that was sooo sad, that part....poor faraf! That is a really good quote [img]http://s4.images.proboards.com/sad.gif" alt=":(" border="0"/> It is so sad [img]http://s4.images.proboards.com/cry.gif" alt=":'(" border="0"/> I am going to put this in anyway, even though its from Darkfall: "You are born with the yearning arrow, my Glynna, though you are not yet fully aware of it. It is not a happy thing to possess, for nothing on earth-no goal, no person how ever beloved-will answer it. It points to the sky and to the heavens and the stars and when it cannot reach them, it must fall back to pierce your heart. Some rare few born with it are destined to tread strange and dangerous paths. For them alone, the arrow may bring understandingâ€Â. Because this thread is a little Rushton heavy, and harmony is everything: ...my mouth against the rough linen of his shirt collar. 'Rushton....' 'I know, my dear," Dameon whispered into my hair. "Zaeak told me, but you know he will let nothing keep him from the one he loves so dearly.' -- The Keeping Place 'Elspeth. I have just been thinking of you. Brydda said you were comming. You are tired.' ... He reached out and took my hand, and I gasped to feel the full strength of his gladness, more vivid and lovely than words. -- The Keeping Place (along with that entire scene) 'And perhaps Rushton would be dead,' Dameon said with uncharacteristic bluntness. 'Dear one, don't crush yourself between impossible burdens. It is a conceit of yours, I fear, to see yourself in the centre of things, but it is not true.' -- Keeping Place. 'I...I miss him so,' I said, and I discovered I was weeping. Dameon gathered me into his long arms. 'My dear girl...Elspeth...I know. I am humbled by your courage in taking charge of all this when he is so myteriously vanished.' --The Keeping Place I let him pull off my coat and shoes and bundle me into bed. He smoothed the covers over me and kissed my cheek. Dimly I was aware that he retained his sheild between us, and I realised my grief and guilt was probably hurting him. I made an effort to gather myself, and thanked him. 'Sleep', he said, and he withrew from the room. --notice a book-pattern, here? '...You are not a dream, are you? You won't disappear? Everyone disappears in the end. Matthew and Dragon. Cameo and Domick. ... I always thought I would be the one to leave and instead it is I who am left.' I realised I was sounding hysterical and, with some difficulty, I made myself stop. 'It's all right,' Dameon promised huskily. 'I am here and I will not leave you ever again.' --The Keeping Place. Favourite. Quote. Ever. Dameon laid his hand on my cheek and I saw that his eyes were wet, though whether it were from my own empathized grief or his own, I did not know. 'I have heard it said more than once that you are a woman ruled by her mind to the detriment of her passions, Elspeth. But those who say so do not know you,' he murmered. -- The Keeping Place. 'Elspeth,' he said. A world of gentle loving in that one word. "Sharna" I wept bitterly, "why is life so full of pain and hurting? There seems no end to it. When are the moments of happiness to come?" "It would take a truer wisdom than mine to answer that," he answered... ..."then teach me to be wise, for I cannot bear this pain" (p167 Obernewtyn) *bawls out crying* *sobs* [img]http://s2.images.proboards.com/cry.gif" alt=":'(" border="0"/> [img]http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif" alt=";D" border="0"/> Fight the system!! I know! That was a tear jerker when I first read it. Just a question: I was reading through this entire thread and came upon one of Miska's quotes which I have never understood. "You don't know what an irony it would be if you betrayed me" Obernewtyn Anyone care to enlighten me? I know it has already been said but it my favorite quote not just in the ober books but my favorite quote i have ever heard Funaga do something that beasts would never do, funaga eat freedom. I was almost crying when i read this. It just seemed to say so completely what i was trying to say to everyone else. I'm vegetarian and i'm always asked (in a condescending way) why i don't eat meat or drink milk (i do eat eggs but that is something i would like to stop one day too) when i read the quote i had had a terrible day with someone going at me day about me being vegetarian. As i read it i almost broke down in tears i just sat there reading it over and over. Its strange when something you feel is just put so perfectly into words. I get the chills whenever i think if it. Some ones from Ashling: "I'm strong!" Miryum cried in an agonised voice. "I'm strong!" For one dreadful moment, I thought she was going to jump. "And what are we?" Dameon asked, his voice threaded with sadness. "Warriors? Misfits? That is part of our trouble. We do not know what we are, and so we are constantly reacting to things, rather than taking the initiative." I wondered, then, if Maruman had meant that I woul not be able to return to Obernewtyn because I would be dead. "I will pay the price whatever it is," I whispered. "But what if your life is not the price," a voice whispered back. "What if the life of your friends is the price you must pay. What if Obernewtyn is the price?" "do as you wish and you, shall do my bidding," he said with an angelic smile. "and when you have served my purpose, i shall kill you." Good old Ashling, so many quotes [img]http://s4.images.proboards.com/cool.gif" alt="8-)" border="0"/> "You are a strange girl. My first impression of you was, I fear the right one." Rushton to Elspeth obernewtyn Ok anyone wat does that mean? I am pretty sure that when Rushton first saw Elspeth, he probably thought she was different or important to him in some way. Am not really sure though [img]http://s4.images.proboards.com/undecided.gif" alt=":-/" border="0"/> "Don't! Don't dare" i thought rushton meant that his impression of elf was that of because of the way he felt about her, he couldnt help but help save her, no matter what he would be risking I love the first time Elspeth and Swallow meet in Ashling. It was so sudden and flirty. I can remember reading it at work in my lunch break and having the biggest smile on my face. Suddenly he reached forward, grasped my arm in a powerful grip and propelled me behind the stall and down a side street. A few paces down the street, he thrust me into a shadowy doorway and pressed himself against me; I panicked and struggled. "For Lud's sake and mine, girl, be still," he said in a hard urgent voice. "Let me go!" I cried. "Shut up," he hissed. "Shut up yourself!" "It would be polite for you to give your name to your rescuer," he said. I glared at him. "I didn't need rescuing!" "No? Then you wanted to be whipped? I apologise for intervening, but there are gentler pleasures." I mean... 'gentler pleasures'? *fans self* I will admit that Rushton is my soft spot when reading these books but Swallow has always been something nice on the side. [img]http://s4.images.proboards.com/grin.gif" alt=";D" border="0"/> "Well, well, so they have sent a kitten that snarls and spits."

This just in: a 44-year-old woman in New Zealand was partially paralyzed during a recent hook-up. When she couldn't move her arm, she went to Christchurch Hospital, where doctor Teddy Wu said the cause was the injury over the artery in her neck: the hickey! The suction from the hickey left a bruise inside the blood vessel. A clot began to form in the artery beneath the hickey. The clot caused a minor stroke, paralyzing her arm. She was given an anticoagulant drug that eliminated the clot within in a week. On a personal note: Not to be insensitive, but I love any story about a hickey. I happen to have a pink birthmark on my neck, and I have been teased about it since grade school. In junior high track & field, I was known as the "Spotted Speedster." The birthmark is really difficult to cover up with makeup because it just gets redder the more you touch it. Now, people notice it on first dates and in job interviews. I always thought it was a real drag…but at least it hasn't paralyzed me! Can you believe this NZ woman's story? Do you give or get lovebites? Are you afraid of hickeys now?__ *What's With All the Spam in the Comments Section? Sick of all those annoying ads in the comments section lately? So are we! We police the site regularly and delete spam as soon as we can, but recently, the volume of spam has increased dramatically. We're working on a way to block them permanently, so please bear with us, and know that we're as eager as you are to get rid of these pests.* Meanwhile, please continue to use the Report Abuse button to flag spam--it really does help!-- and continue to leave your brilliant feedback below. If you have any urgent questions about the spam, please contact us.

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Thank you Enter The Octopus for posting this on your site. My blog went down at 7am and I just got it back up! Wow, that was a long day of stress and crazy. Here is the fix that I used: 404 Error The Harlot has released Cy, one of her favorite play toys. With Lucifer’s help, the Harlot will send Cy on a critical mission to newly risen city of Ryleth. What will Cy do once he has arrived at Ryleth, only Cy and the Harlot know. Fall of Cthulhu: GodWar is another deeply demented installment of Fall of Cthulhu from the sickly twisted mind of Michael Alan Nelson. I was impressed with the elevated level of psychological trauma that Cy exhibited. The attention to detail paid to his broken mind was superb and the best pages in the book harkening back to the brilliance of the first two volumes that seemed somewhat absent in the third. Anyway, Cy was released by the Harlot. She had stuck him in one of her boxes of knowledge. Whatever Cy saw while in her box, it must have been both terrifying and orgasmic because Cy wants nothing to do with the outside world. Cy will do anything to get back into the box. There is a great scene where Cy makes a box out of couch cushions, only his eye can be seen through the cracks. The is a lot to like in this volume, but buy and read it for the scene with Cy and his box made out of cushions. Fall of Cthulhu: GodWar. Story: Michael Alan Nelson. Art: Mateus Santolouco and Mark Dos Santos. Las Angles: Boom! Studios, 2008. The Minnesota RollerGirls and The Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium will host the 2009 WFTDA North Central Regional: Brawl of America, September 18-20. The Minnesota RollerGirls need your help! We Want You! Friday, March 13, 2009 Yes, you. The Minnesota RollerGirls are putting together the finest derby tournament that anyone has ever seen. The Brawl of America lands on the Roy Wilkins Auditorium on September 18th, goes through to the 20th, and we need you and your passion for roller derby to make it all happen. You want to give us a hand? It's easy. Send an e-mail to email@example.com and let us know. We need volunteers for this tournament in every area you can think of; security, merchandise, stats, even marketing. We'll need an army of volunteers at the bout, but we also need help as we put this beast together in the coming months. So whatever your ability, whatever your schedule, we want you. Help us show off Minneapolis, St. Paul and the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium to the derby world, and help us create a tournament that people will talk about for years to come. So what are you waiting for? This is your invitation to get involved! MadWorld is everything the trailer promised. It is a gore-fest of brutality and foul language. The gore I expected, but perhaps I’m behind in my understanding of modern Mature video games because I did not expect just how foul the language could get. MadWorld is The Running Man meets Escape from New York, the main character Jack is combination of Snake Plissken and Ben Richards. Jack is undercover in MadWorld, for what purpose, I’m not sure. I’ve only bested the first two bosses. The set up is that Jack is a chainsaw wielding badass who has won sponsorship to become a contestant in a live-action game show of pure slaughter. The game show commentators are so foul mouthed that I completely understand why the game is for 17 and up. Outside of over hearing a bunch of teenagers, I don’t think that I’ve ever heard “Fuck-Tard” used, and that is the tamest of quotes. After my initial dropped-jawed shock at the bloody game play, learned the moves to rack up a high scoring kill: pick up a tire, put the tire over the head of an contestant, grab a street sign and put it through his neck, pick him up still quivering and slam him, not once, but four times on the wall of spikes. The more creative the killing combo, the more points are earned. See, you need to earn enough point to qualify for the death match against the levels big boss. I have to say that I’m a little disappointed. I knew that the game would have a week story, but it is almost non-existent. I’m a gamer that needs story. I want an interesting plot with enough room for a few choices to be made that impact the out come of the game. Still, MadWorld delivers the blood. I’ll keep the game around as a novelty for parties, but I don’t know how much time I’ll put into playing it solo. With so many competing forms of entertainment, movies, video games, and music, or what have you, it is becoming very difficult for publishers to justify their buying, printing, and distributing new authors. There is hope. Hope in the blog reviewer and fan. Piotr Siennicki runs Fantasy Fan, a blog dedicated to providing detailed reviews of fantasy fiction. But wait, that is not all, he goes beyond the reviews and has added extra content that any true fan of fantasy fiction would enjoy. Here is a short interview with Piotr Siennicki of Fantasy Fan: PS: I would recommend the site saying that this is the combined source of fantasy related information any fan would want to find. Fantasy Fan will keep you up to date with your favorite writers and might convince you to try new ones. That's pretty much the mission of the site - bringing information about the authors you love and give you opportunity to branch out, reach for new titles, that other fans enjoy. SM: It looks like Fantasy Fan has a little of everything that a true fantasy fan would want. What kinds of things will on your site will bring true fans back? PS: I think there are two major areas that bring people back to Fantasy Fan. One is obviously the news & reviews, there is always something going on in the fantasy world. Either one of the "big" authors goes on a book signing tour or releases an interesting bit of news on their work in progress; or we have a new star rise on the fantasy sky, a new author, new book. There is always something going on. Even if it's just a new trivia or a wallpaper. The other area that people tend to come back to is the discussion forum. Fantasy Fan built a nice community over the years and we tend to discuss close to everything on the forum, starting with fantasy books and ending on web comics and computer games. SM: How often does your site update with new content? PS: That really depends on many factors, two major being my free time and the amount of fan submissions. Usually though the website is updated daily, every 1-3 days. SM: Most review sites, like my own, are the product of a passionate hobbyist. Is Fantasy Fan a hobby for you or it is work? PS: It's definitely my hobby. I started the website seven years ago. I was looking for a place where other fantasy fans like myself would meet and discuss the books they loved. After a long search I decided that the website I'm looking for does not exist yet (there were few sci-fi & fantasy places, but nothing dedicated to high fantasy), so I thought to myself "why not start one?" The task of running a website sometimes does feel like a job (seven years is a long time!), but the reward for creating something other people find useful is what every webmaster lives for. I joke around with my friends that Fantasy Fan is my baby, so yeah, it's definitely not work related. SM: If someone likes your site, how can they get involved or help? PS: There are plenty of ways. Some fans link to the website on their blogs, live journal pages and other communities they are involved with, others write reviews and submit news (Fantasy Fan has some dedicate writers, but we're always looking for more!) and some help to maintain the site by buying their books through Amazon referral. Every little bit helps! It is my humble opinion that the best things spinning about in cyberspace, are of the third category, free. One of the finest examples, that I’ve stumbled upon in recent months, is a new webcomic titled Epic Fail. I’m new to webcomics having favored the more traditional and unfortunately expensive periodical monthlies and bi-monthlies, and more recently the quarterly graphic novel. It is wonderful to find such a high quality comic free in cyberspace. Epic Fail is the vividly drawn adventures of Martin, a Human Fighter; Amuletts, Sylvan Elf Thief and Cleric; Clodin, Dwarf Fighter; Tinuvielle, Fae Elf Mage; and Dirk, Human Paladin. As the title of the webcomic suggests, these adventures are the humorous blunderings of passionate characters trying to live up to their full potential. As readers, we are witness to their failures, but also to their monstrous courage as they follow their big heart into battle. From her bio page: Amy Letts is a freelance artist, illustrator and web designer. Her work consists mainly of Fantasy, Landscape and Figurative work. She took her first commission in 1998 and began to work professionally in 2003. She has a BA Honours Degree from Oxford Brookes University, England. Want to know what Amy is up to: http://twitter.com/amuletts AL: Like epic fantasy? Then you’ll love Epic Fail, the fantasy flavoured webcomic with an extra helping of FAIL! Imagine a universe; a universe with magic; so much magic that it’s unstable, hanging onto existence by the skin of its teeth, capable of winking out in the blink of an eye. That’s the Universe of Epic Fail. It’s got heroes. Admittedly, not very good heroes, but they try their best. They’re the people who go up to trouble and poke it with a big stick. Then set fire to the stick, because one of them is a pyromaniac. And sometimes, just sometimes, when the universe overbalances, they tilt it back. Along the way, they die quite a bit; fortunately magic patches that up real good. And one Dwarf will be pushing it to its limits…. AL: You see one character on my banner that doesn’t have a bio (and a few who have changed outfits). I won’t be revealing any information about him until he’s been introduced in the story, but here’s a clue: his name has already been mentioned. AL: My favourite RPG is 2nd Edition Dungeons & Dragons, although I have to admit the version I play has several home-brew modifications, including the Assassin character class from 1st Ed and a unique deities system. I prefer it because it has a beautifully crafted fantasy setting and a rules system that keeps you on your toes. One of the complaints I often hear is that it is unbalanced. It is. It’s not fair and there are no guarantees that a challenge will be within your abilities to overcome. It’s risky, it’s unpredictable, and it’s damn fun! I like to play all sorts of characters, although the majority are chaotic-good. Half are human, a quarter are Elves the rest Halflings. I seem to play Fighters marginally more often than the other character classes, with an equal chance of them being male or female. AL: Have you noticed a peculiar trend in magic-users to live too long, gain too much power and go insane? No? AL: At the beginning of her adventuring career, Amuletts was a mere thief. At that time, the party consisted of Wil, Minerva, Jira and Raisin, with Martin and Amuletts as recent recruits. A Harlequin tricked them and they entered a portal leading to the domain of Loki, where they appeared naked. After much fire and strife, they encountered the God himself, who offered to grant freedom to anyone who would serve him. Amuletts has never regretted her answer (which happened to be “What else do you have to offer?”) and that, as they say, is history. AL: Thank you. I start by drawing a rough sketch of the page using stick figures, working out the layout, dialogue and getting everything straight in my head. Then it’s all drawn out in detail and inked by hand. I scan the line work into Photoshop, clean it up, and bucket-fill the main areas of colour. Most of the shading is done using the dodge and burn tools, with ‘select’ and ‘magic wand’ protecting my nice, clean edges. It’s all rather an adventure for me. I’m far more used to traditional media. It still seems weird making a picture without getting covered in paint! But I know from experience that paintings never look as good in print or on screen as the real thing. Since I’m showing the comic to readers online I chose I medium that would look best viewed by that means. AL: I’ve been reading webcomics for many years and personally prefer those that keep a blog. Part of the appeal of webcomics is that the reader gets more insight and involvement with the creative process. I enjoy being able to communicate with my readers and find their feedback useful. It lets me know what’s working and what I need to improve. This, in my opinion, is an enormous advantage. Another reason is to make my site friendly for search engines, which work using text, not pictures. At the moment, they send me around 10% of my visitors, and as my archives grow it will make it easier for them to look back and find specific pages. The nameless narrator of “Little Errands” would most likely belong with the unfortunate multitude. The story is a quick six-page disorder of highest caliber. The narrator has mailed two letters, “…one is a parking ticket, the other partial payment for new carpeting.” The act of mailing these letters consumes not only the narrator with worry but also all six pages of the story. - Did the letters make into the mailbox? - If the letters made into the mailbox, did they properly find themselves in the delivery try with the rest of the mail? - Did stamps find their way onto the envelops? - Were the envelopes sealed properly? - Will they make it to their intended destinations? The story is written with the perfect amount obsessive delusion. By the end of the first page my skin begins to crawl and I had to get up off the couch and shake off the feeling that I have forgotten to do something immensely important. The prose triggered in me feelings of paranoia so deep that I almost did not return to finish the story. I returned to the story and conquered my feelings of undone errands. I’m glad I did. Freese, Mathias B. “Little Errands.” Down to a Sunless Sea. Tucson, Arizona: Wheatmark, 2007. My newest find is The Hive Mind: SF, Fantasy & Horror. As the title suggest is a hive of authors that posting and sharing their fiction with anyone with access to the World Wide Web. These authors include Maria di Girolamo, Mark J. Howard, Bren MacDibble, Tonya Moore, John Claude Smith, and Alexandra Wolfe. You can check out their bios by visiting Authors. The Hive Mind is organized into categories fantasy, horror, science fiction, supernatural, and urban. Being the reader that I am, seeking out the weird and horrific, I took a quick look at the horror category. To be honest, there is not much there, just one story so far, Satan in a Scrapyard. There are seven stories in the science fiction section. I might go back for one of those this week. Satan in a Scrapyard is not that horrific or weird, but it does have a strange narrative voice that kept me plugging through the story. The narrator is an odd bird that feels it is necessary to communicate directly to the reader, “Now, writers know a little bit of magic, and I can tell by the way your eyes are moving over these words that you don’t believe me but I swear it’s true: I came face to face with Satan and lived to tell this tale.” I’ve seen this narrative style before, but I’m not sure that I’m a fan. Being addressed takes me out of the story and makes me question the dream that all good fiction should ensnare readers with. Still, there must be a market for it because it seems all too common. It is just not my style. Anyway, the story is bizarre tale of the narrator’s chance encounter with Satan. I love stories about Satan. Satan must be the interesting of all literary characters. He is a liar, a shape shifter, and the archenemy all that is good and correct. Hell must be the most interesting place theme ride in the universe’s theme park. The narrator is in true form, pulling out all the stops, to try and convince the reader of something. In this case, it is my belief that narrator is unreliable and the events are fabricated. Why else go to all the effort in spelling out what kind of story is being told. This is why I ended up enjoying the story. I found the effort the narrator puts into the telling of the tail very interesting. Here is just a taste, “Sometimes I write stories too, usually made-up ones. But tonight I am going to write you a true story about the time I met the Devil in a scrapyard.” Nice. Very nice. This line, among others is intended to put the reader at ease while a sight of had is being played out. The trick is a good one. Well, worth the reading. Howard, Mark. “Satan in a Scrapyard.” The Hive Mind, 2009 Husband. Blogger. Solipsist. Weaver of weird worlds and horrific tales. Aaron M. Wilson lives in Minneapolis with his loving wife and two cats, one good, one bad. He teaches Literature and Environmental Science. Two of the short stories included in his thesis have been published by rock, paper, scissors. Lastly, his fiction reviews from his blog, The Soulless Machine Review, have been re-posted by Deadly Prose, Golden Gryphon Press, Dragon Moon Press, and blurbed at BOOM! Studios Blog. Years ago, in my first fiction class with Aaron, in response to the claustrophobically prescriptive Burroway text, and our stifling focus on the elements of craft, Aaron wrote a fabulous piece about a jailer who tortures a writer in solitary confinement until the writer finally breaks down and follows all the rules. A story with a beginning, middle, end, a story with a climax, a story like Janet Burroway has in mind. Aaron’s story taught me two things I’ve held on to this day: first, Aaron Wilson doesn’t work well with rules, and second, too many rules suck the blood from art. For that, I am eternally grateful, and every time I’m about to morph into that warden, handing out butt ends of pencils while I whip my students and scream the rules of perfect fiction into their ears, Aaron’s haunting story stops me in my tracks. And that’s not the only haunting story that Aaron’s written. In Keeping Watch: and other stories, Aaron gathers together a collection of science fiction tales that work as both powerful pieces of art and as serious social commentary. Many of his stories serve as warnings calling the reader to consider the abyss we could fall into, if in fact we haven’t already. There’s a constant menace, a spookiness that jangles the reader’s nerves and reminds us that the worst Aaron has imagined might already be real. In Aaron’s futuristic fiction a lone man tends to the last bookstore in Minneapolis and a reporter watches the bloody wreckage as illegal aliens try to cross the border, both stories science fiction and both frighteningly real. A voracious reader well acquainted with the masters of his genre, Aaron brings his unique voice and vision to the page. His work is fresh, startling, and speaks directly to the social ills of our time. Of his own process, Aaron has said, “When I sit down and really write, write the kind of fiction that presses upon my subconscious, I’m not writing about mythical monsters and unseen horrors, even if that is what the surface seems to be about. What I hopes comes out of my fiction is my own anguish for humanity.” The Anguish is there, it’s convincingly well earned, and by the end of Aaron’s collection we are appropriately alarmed. But there is more than anguish, there is also its opposite, the belief, however dim, that we can, and have to do better than this. “I write because it is the only thing that allows me to feel like I can take an active stance against humanity’s desire to self-destruct. Writing is my subversive act against my own belief that humanity will never rise up to embrace its place in the universe as communal organism instead of parasite. I write with hope. I write to embrace hope. I like to think of myself as a writer.” Writer. Reader. Truth teller. And remarkable human being. Please welcome Aaron Wilson. A Tea Party Dan believed good things happen to people who give rather than take. Dan was young. He spent each morning helping his mother in the kitchen and around the house. He would notice that the dishes were dirty and do them without being asked. He’d see that the Sunday paper was spread around the living room, the comics on the ottoman, the sports pages on his father’s lap, the jobs section here and there on the floor marked with red lines and circles. Dan would silently pick up and refold each section, making sure not to wake his father or disturb his mother. He’d reassemble it, setting it neatly on the coffee table. Then at night, before bed, he’d take out the trash and move the cans to the curb in front of the house for Monday’s pick-up. Dan would look for things that were out of place. He knew that if he could keep the little things from coming between his mother and father that they would love each other more, love him more. Good grades, Little League, keeping his bike in the garage where it belonged. Dan believed that it all helped. One Sunday night, as Dan was making the rounds, picking up stray leaves, sticks, and pulling the occasional dandelion, he saw a shadow moving between the house and the garage. A shadow about his own size, shaped like a boy. Being reckless, as young boys sometimes are, Dan didn’t consider the danger that could have been waiting for a boy in the early night. He just went after the shadow, quietly sprinting, avoiding the dry leaves that would have crashed like thunder. A small girl in torn skirts stepped out in to the lamplight as he turned the corner to slide between the house and the garage. She stood there, caught in the garage’s floodlight where Dan would sometimes draw chalk pictures on the pavement. Her dirty blond hair was in two greasy pigtails. Her eyes were blue on top of purplish-black crescent-shaped bruises. The truly remarkable thing was her doll. It was one of those lifelike things with the big plastic head and the creepy eyes that opened and closed. It was pristine. Dan didn’t know what to do. He had thought in his boy’s mind that one of the neighbor boys was goofing on him, and that he was going to engage in some kind of contest of stealth and speed; however, he was ill equipped to handle this: a dirty girl that looked like she belonged in the trash. Dan stood there looking at her. He was turning something around in his mind, something new, something that had never occurred to him before, but now seemed so simple. He held out his hand to her. She held her doll close, protectively. She turned to look over her shoulder as if taking some unspoken cue from the darkness. She then stepped forward and took his hand. “My name is Alice.” Pointing her chin at the doll, “This is Sally. She’s my baby.” He felt her hand in his. Her hand was rough and cold. He thought that girls were supposed to be warm and soft. This simple touching of hands made Dan’s face wrinkle and he began to wonder if he had done the right thing. But it was too late. She had told him her name and had put her hand in his. “I’m Dan.” “Hi Dan.” Alice looked at her doll. “Say, ‘Hi Dan,’ Sally.” Alice rocked her doll forward and it said, “Hi Dan,” in a voice that didn’t sound very much like Alice’s. Dan winced and let go of her hand. The doll had spoken. It must have been a recording. Some of the newer dolls could do that, he reasoned, even though it didn’t seem very reasonable to him. Well, it was only polite that he answer back, “Hi Sally.” He immediately felt foolish, his cheeks warmed. Alice smiled a big dirty smile, showing many gaps where her baby teeth had fallen out. She put her finger in the gap in the front of her smile. “See. Papa told me that the boys like gap-girls. Do you like gap-girls, Dan?” Dan knew something in what she had said was wrong. He squinted at her in the lamplight. “Where do you live?” Alice looked him up and down. She looked over her shoulder. “Can you keep a secret, Dan?” She rocked her doll and Sally’s eyes clicked shut then opened. Dan felt as if Sally was going to say something, so he waited. He balanced on his toes then his heels, hands in his pockets. “Sure. Yeah.” Dan moved a little closer to Alice as if this secret was to be whispered into his ear. “In your backyard. The alley really. But your backyard. Me, Papa, Mama, my little brother, Sally, and all my other dollies.” Dan looked at Sally. The bright light danced on her plastic face. Her eyes were open. Suddenly, Dan felt in over his head. He wanted to do what was right. He wanted to help, but he was just Dan. His father wouldn’t have liked that thought. His father was always telling him to be somebody. His father had told him that if someone was in need that he should help. Dan’s mouth felt dry. His tongue was thick with indecision. He had all the tools there in his mind. He was just about to take her hand again and make her come inside to talk with his parents, when Alice darted back into the shadows. Dan had made up his mind. He knew what to do. He ran after Alice. He had to help her. Dan could see Alice near the fence that separated his yard and the alley. She was standing next to the gate. She was holding it open. In the crook of her left arm, Sally wore a desperate look. The light glinted off Sally’s eyes. And for just a moment, Dan thought that he had seen a tear in one of Sally’s eyes, wet and real. He stopped running, “Alice. Alice. Come inside with me. It’s warm. We have food.” Dan thought that Alice looked stunned. She said something that he couldn’t hear. He tried to see who she was talking to. He couldn’t see anyone other than Sally. She must still be talking to Sally. She must. Alice was standing next to him. Dan jumped. “Dan.” Alice took his hand. “Dan. Come with me. Meet my parents, meet everyone.” “No. Alice, come inside with me and have some hot chocolate. We have the kind with the little marshmallows.” Dan squeezed her hand and turned to head back toward the house. “No.” She held on to his hand and planted her feet. She wouldn’t budge. “Come with me.” Dan wasn’t about to give up. Perhaps if he went with her she’d come around and return with him. She seemed to really want to show him something. Once she did, he’d ask again. Dan was full of stories about adventures. His friends were always out getting into trouble. Over lunch, at school, they’d tell him of their adventures and how much trouble they were in with their parents. They’d go around the table, each telling a tale of some exploit that meant that they were grounded. When they’d get around to Dan, they’d laugh. Dan the man, they’d say, Dan the do-nothing man. Boring old Dan. Dan had adventures, but they were not the kind of adventures that you share with your friends. They were the kind of adventures that get you punched and left for dead in the boy’s bathroom with your shirt over your head and your pants around your knees. They were the kind of adventures that you kept to yourself. Dan didn’t like to talk about his adventures. They were his. Like the time his mother asked him to ride his bike two miles to the store and pick up fixings for salad: romaine lettuce, two tomatoes, carrots, olives, chives, and a bottle of dressing. Any dressing, she had said he could pick. Surprise me, his mother had said. She had trusted him with him a twenty dollar bill. That was an adventure. He didn’t even know what romaine lettuce was. He had to ask, and asking was hard. But he got on alright and paid for everything on the list and made it home. Part of him had thought that he might not make it. That there was something out there, in the streets, that would try and stop him. Dan wanted to have a real adventure, one that he could share around the lunchroom table with the other guys. With Alice leading him forward by the hand, it felt like one of those adventures that always happened to someone else. A smile crossed Dan’s face. He was ready. Alice giggled as they ran through the gate which led into the alley and the darkness that waited beyond the floodlight’s reach. Dan stood looking down at the dark hole in the pavement. Alice had slid the drainage cover off just enough that she could squeeze through. She had wrapped Sally in her skirts and climbed down. Dan couldn’t wait for lunch on Monday. The guys wouldn’t believe him. They’d laugh. He knew they would, but he’d stick to his guns. He’d tell them that he went into the sewer with a girl. This was exactly the kind of adventure he had wanted. He’d only go down for a few minutes then he’d convince her to come back with him to the house. Dan looked up to make sure that he knew where he was. He could see Jimmy’s house and Jen’s house and the stop sign that was bent over when the Murphy’s oldest boy hit it with the truck. He wasn’t very far from home at all. “Dan,” Alice called. “Hurry, Dan, before someone comes.” Dan climbed down into the dark. His shoe squished something at the bottom. It smelled foul. Like when his father forgot to flush. He couldn’t see anything either, except lighter shades of complete darkness. “Alice.” He held out his hands in front of himself and swung them side to side. “Alice, I can’t see.” “Open your eyes, silly.” Dan took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He saw pink everywhere. Cotton-candy pink, everywhere, pink curtains hanging in front of a pink window. Pink cushions on a pink bed between pink dressers, pink everywhere. Alice’s dress was perfectly pink. Dan looked around as if he had just entered the candy store on his birthday. Alice was standing in front of a bookcase filled with dolls of all kinds. “Do you like my dollies?” Dan took a closer look. One shelf had really fat dolls that were filled with smaller dolls. Another shelf had the kind he’d seen at his grandmother’s, the kind with the wrinkled potato faces and beady black button eyes. One shelf had a row of baby dolls with bottles. He picked one up. “Careful. Those wet themselves if you feed them.” Dan quickly put it back on the shelf. He turned to look at another row of small plastic ones. They had big heads and big eyes. When he picked up the one with brown hair and the firefighter’s helmet, the head rocked back and forth as if it were on a spring. Dan could hear Alice giggle. “Do you like my room?” “You have a lot of dolls.” Dan reached for a set of adult looking dolls. These were more like Barbie and Ken. These he knew. Jen had Barbies. These were dressed like Dan’s parents would if they had to go to work. The Ken-like one even had a little briefcase in one hand and a newspaper in the other. The woman had a green purse and a cup of coffee. Dan picked her up. She looked a lot like an older version of Alice. “Those are my parents.” She picked up her father by his stiff plastic legs and held him out to Dan. “Here. You play Papa and I’ll play Mama.” She took the Barbie from him. Dan took the one Alice held out for him. It was a doll. It was plastic. Its hair was molded perfectly. Dan held the doll so that he was looking at its profile. This doll had a belly that hung over its belt. Dan had never seen a doll that looked so life like before. “Over here, Dan.” Alice was pointing to a small doll-sized table on top of her dresser. “Set Papa there, please.” Dan folded the doll’s legs so that it was in a sitting position and pushed it up to the table. “Okay.” Alice smiled. “Mama, say ‘Does Papa want a cup of tea?’” “Does Papa want a cup of tea?” the doll asked. “Your turn Dan, tell Papa to say something back to Mama.” Alice crossed her arms in front of her and waited. Great, Dan thought, more talking dolls. He wondered how they worked. They seemed too small to have batteries. He picked his up and lifted the shirt in the back, looking for the switch. “Dan! Put Papa down!” She stomped her foot. “Now!” Dan snapped to attention. He looked at the little tea party. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He smelled flowers and mint. When he opened his eyes, Alice was still waiting for him. “Daddy, say ‘Why, yes, I’d love some tea. Thank you.’” Dan’s doll spoke back the words he had given it. It wasn’t his voice. It was deep and raspy. Before Dan could give this voice much thought, Alice’s mommy doll picked up the teapot and the daddy doll’s teacup. The mother doll poured the daddy doll a cup of tea, spilling just a little. Dan watched as the two dolls enjoyed their tea. On the doll’s table, next to the sugar bowl, there was a plate of cookies. “Daddy, say, ‘Please pass the cookies.’” The daddy doll repeated his words. The mommy doll passed the small plate. The daddy doll took one and ate it. Dan thought the scene was nice. It was what he thought should happen between a mommy and a daddy. He looked at the dolls enjoying themselves. Dan didn’t want it to stop. He looked around and felt like the other dolls were watching him, knew what he was feeling inside. He felt a tingling sensation wash over his skin. He shuddered. Dan said, “Daddy, say, ‘Thank you Mommy.’” Alice looked at Dan. “Mama, say, ‘You’re welcome. Now, finish your tea.’” As Dan heard the mommy doll say, ‘you’re welcome,’ he pursed his lips. Something was wrong. It was just play, but it made him miss his parents. It was all too perfect. Dan had had enough adventure. “Alice, I want to go home.” And he moved away from her and the dolls. He turned to leave. He saw a door. He walked over to it. The door wouldn’t open. Alice touched Dan’s shoulder while holding the mommy doll. “Mama, what do you think?” She waited. Dan brushed Alice’s hand off his shoulder. He tried the door again. “It’s locked.” The mommy doll answered, “I like him.” Alice lay down on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest. “You have to stay.” “No. I want to leave.” Alice waved her hand as if she were coming out from behind a curtain or finishing a curtsy. “They like you.” In unison, every doll stood and said, “Stay Dan. We like you.” Dan fell to the ground and pulled his knees to his chest. “Oh. What’s wrong Dan?” Alice asked. “They won’t find you.” Dan screamed and banged on the door. Alice set the pillow down. “How rude!” “Help! I’m down here! Help me!” Dan kicked at the door. His eyes were clenched and wet. “Stop it, Stop it. Stop it!” Alice gripped Dan by his hair and dragged him kicking and screaming towards her bed. Alice grinned through the greasy part in her hair. “You’ve been a very bad dolly.” PARKER’S BACK by Flannery O’Conner TO BUILD A FIRE by Jack London THE STORY OF AN HOUR by Kate Chopin THE HANDSOMEST DROWNED MAN IN THE WORLD by Gabriel Garcia Marquez EPIC FAIL by Amy Letts Mixed Greens Catalog No. 10 Charles Darwin Turns 200 Asphalt Sky Vol 1. Issue 2 From: Attack of the Movie Watchers Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009) The Gene Generation (2007)

My closest friends would describe me as hilarious and straight to the point. love to see people laugh and have fun. Life is all about enjoying it to the fullest and learning from the mistakes that you have made. I honest hardworking woman who enjoys having fun.I am trustworthy and honest and I am looking someone with the same features.HopefulIy, I can meet someone and show me around since I am new to the area.I am interested to see what the nightlife is about around here being that most place close at 1:00 in the morning. I grateful to have friends and family who care about me. And whom I care about them as well. I have a great job that keeps me grounded. My job gives me the opportunity to travel all over the world. As far as my social life, I left that in Virginia were the majority of my friends are. I like going out meeting new people and would love to see what this area has to offer. I come from the south so I love to cook. I like a man that can cook. We can have date night at the house with dinner and a movie.Or going out for dinner and a movie. Planing mini vacations on the weekend just to get away from Delaware.If you are serious feel free to let me know.

Daily Treasures Archive Prioritizing Your Life Sometimes I hear adults tell young people, "Make all the money you can, just so you make it honestly." Looking For Life, But Missing It I was reading in the newspaper awhile back about a fighter plane that was flying so fast that it overtook its own bullet and shot itself down. Hungering And Thirsting After Righteousness How many people do you know who are hungering and thirsting after righteousness? The Source of Stress God wants His sheep to learn how to get quiet, to lie down in green pastures, and to drink from still waters. The Good Shepherd-Part 2 To guard against predators, a shepherd will sleep at the door, or gate, of the sheepfold. The Good Shepherd-Part 1 Three times in the New Testament, the Lord Jesus is described as a Shepherd. The Only Worthwhile Goal You know the problem with many of us? Our faith is something tacked onto our lives. The Principle of Obedience The greatest principle is that of obedience to God, and it always takes priority over the lesser principle of obedience to men. How To Love Your Wife How is a man to love his wife? What responsibility does he have? Accepting Christ As Lord We hear so much today about receiving Christ as Savior. Did you know that is not New Testament teaching? The Greatest Truth When you gave your heart to the Lord Jesus Christ that was the last legitimate independent decision you've ever made. You are not your own! Lay Down Your Sword Before we embrace the Lord Jesus, we have to lay our sword down. We have to abdicate the throne. We have to surrender to Jesus Christ. He is Lord. Authority Over the Enemy I read about a woman in Missouri who allowed a man, who was not her husband, to live with her in her apartment. God Must Be Accepted by Faith In the Bible, God is not explained. God is just simply presented and must be accepted by faith. Christian World View - Part 2 Genesis 1:1 decimates every other worldview except the biblical worldview. Christian World View - Part 1 Heard of the movie, "Star Wars?" Is "the Force" a reference to God? The New World Order No matter what the people of this world have to say, there is only One whose opinion counts. In The Beginning: God In the beginning God made something of nothing. Joy Is An Inside Job It is cruel to say to people who are in sorrow, "Smile and be happy." Inspect The Fruit We live in a generation that talks a lot about the gifts of the Spirit, like prophecy, tongues, miracles, helps, and giving. Light Obeyed or Light Refused - Part 2 When God comes to judge the world, He's not going to judge the world primarily by the sin that was committed, but by the Light that was rejected. Light Obeyed or Light Refused - Part 1 Those who claimed to be full, Jesus sent away empty. Adding Works to the Grace of God It's amazing how many people want to put together faith and works. There's something about human pride that says, "I want to do it." When God Gives Up America is in a crisis and unless we have a moral rebirth, we will join the graveyard of the nations. God Clearly Seen In Creation The atheist believes that nothing times nobody equals everything - that it all just happened.

Play with WorldCat.org. WorldCat is a massive network of library content that the public can search for free (user name and password not required). Not every library is a part of WorldCat, but the vast size of the network makes it an important genealogy tool. If you are looking for a specific book or publication, enter the identifying information into the WorldCat search box and see which libraries hold the item. You may even find that you can get the item through your library’s inter-library loan program. Don’t forget to search for some of your more unusual surnames and see what comes up. The goal is to play with WorldCat and examine its possibilities for your own research. If you’re already familiar with WorldCat, play with it again. The network and collection grow and change constantly. If you have a genealogy blog, write about your experiences with searching WorldCat for this exercise. WorldCat is a catalogue of many, many libraries in the world. I’ve used it before and usually it has told me that the book I am looking for is in the State Library of NSW or the National Library of Australia. Unfortunately my genealogy society isn’t part of WorldCat, but one day that will change. For the sake of this exercise I decided not to look for a book that I know of, but to find books that I didn’t know about. As Amy suggested, I’ve put in one of my unusual surnames – Whippy. David Whippy, born in Nantucket, Massachusetts, arrived in Fiji in about 1822 and stayed there. So I put “Whippy” in the WorldCat search, and waited. 70 results, including a dissertation about job satisfaction in Guam University. I narrowed it down by adding ‘Fiji’, and came up with 5 results, 2 of which were the same. The most relevant item I found was a microfilm of a play written by Isobel Whippy: The play concerns the first British Consul in Fiji, William Thomas Pritchard, who arrived in Levuka in September 1858 and was dismissed from his post in January 1863. It is based on a theory that the Consul lost his job because of a love affair with a young woman – possibly a part-European – who gave birth to two children by Pritchard, before he married her in the British Consulate in Levuka a few days afte his dismissal. The play is in two acts – the first covering the period from September 1858 to June 1859; the second from November 1859 to July 1862. There is an epilogue concerning the year 1864. The microfilm was published by the Pacific Manuscripts Bureau in Canberra, which I happen to know is part of the Australian National University and who microfilm manuscripts related to Pacific history. The films are available in the State Library NSW, and I have accessed them there in the past. WorldCat, however, told me that my nearest copy was at Yale University Library, New Haven, CT 06520 United States, at a distance of 10000 miles. If I selected the other, identical title, I could find it at the State Library of NSW, the National Library of Australia, and the State Library of Victoria. There is however, a link to Related Identities, one of which was the Australian National University Pacific Manuscripts Bureau. There’s a timeline for the Bureau that goes back to 1830, which was rather startling until I realised that most of the works listed are about American whalers in the Pacific and such, and filmed by the PMB. So the end result of my investigation is that I can almost always find what I need in the State Library of NSW, in Sydney where I live. Anything that this library doesn’t have will probably be in Canberra and probably available on inter-library loan, although I haven’t hit this situation yet. David Whippy didn’t arrive on a whaler but the principle is the same, so I now have a list of resources I can check to find out more about the way of life and the history of Americans in the Pacific, if not about David Whippy directly. Most, if not all, available at the State Library of NSW. I put Whippy in the Search field and got a whole heap of results: As you can see, there’s a vast array of stuff which will take me some time to work through. Not all of it is relevant, but some of it is. For example, the third entry under Australian newspapers (1803-1954) is a page from the Sydney Morning Herald in January 1856 containing transcripts of correspondence about American activities in Fiji. In one of the letters, written by James Calvert, the Wesleyan missionary, Mr Whippy, my David Whippy, is mentioned a number of times as arbitrating with Mr. Calvert in a dispute between the natives and an American ship’s captain. I was then able to correct the transcription of the notoriously difficult newspaper print, and download a PDF of the page or the whole newspaper. Further down the screen there are sections for Maps, Diaries and Letters, and Archived Websites. All sections can be opened and closed on this summary screen, or clicked on to give the full list of results. Trove is relatively new, and having now played with it I can see it is vastly superior to WorldCat for my purposes. Australian catalogues are more likely to be useful to me in general to find a book I can borrow in an Australian library. Trove gives so much more than any library catalog that I would be unlikely to go anywhere else. It also gave me more books than WorldCat did. On its list of 96 books, journals and magazines, etc, it gives the title Gone Native in Polynesia by Ian Christopher Campbell, a book I’ve been trying to get hold of for some time. This book has a whole chapter on David Whippy in Fiji. There are tabs for each State, and under NSW I can see that it’s available at the State Library of NSW and the University of Wollongong Library. There is also a link to show where I can buy a copy – in this case from Blackwell Online for 70 pounds or Amazon from US$79.00 to US$235.00. I won’t be buying a copy for my library, but I have a search in eBay just in case. Isobel’s play is there, with the same results – State Library of NSW, and the reference number is given. Really, I can’t see why I would use WorldCat on a day-to-day basis. Contributers to Trove include Project Gutenberg, so I might be able to download the book I want then and there.

Newspaper Page Text in return for getting through th, bond and deficiency measures, fctous. y to accept the Sen i luding the col I u wttii a slight change. Unit some kind of an agreement is ? over the bond bill the wheat mcasun cannot be taken up in conference, aj ; he Si nato confer? ees have not boi : amed and the bond bill ; If thi : pa : ? the bond bit should n>n-mue into Monday an effor will be ma le to re? tl e wheat bil from tl-.?' Senate, '?.'ins will requ re thai i ' Ion be passed by the EIou le, One? the House get* tin- bill back ?I CBl accept tho Senn'o amendments nnd tin measure will have passed tl o : Ehr? n though Congress doesn't pac B wheat guaranty bill now, th not mean the President's guarnntj won't be carried out. 1 he present Graii Corporation can be continued unti peace i?* declared, [1 hn ; of n revolving fund, which would bi ? nough to carry on business well into La FeUette In Verbal Till Bitter feeling on both nidi i ol nato ? liumb?i wn i In ( ' hroughout the day, and dui ing a lili natoi I.a bu'' ? A i neon .a. v. at conduct i ng thi noon on ih?- oil lunds leu Ing bill? Son utor Robinson, of Arknn it?, ami :?' -?a tor La Follet to camo almo I to blow i m au I n/rry c?a: h. l'y agreement between tho Repub? licana and Democrats, three hours and a h.; t bad In ..". part for con id? ??ration of tl.il land bill, and I.i Follette had obtained :1a- floor with ii-- apparent purnoso of hoi.i ng ?? for 11-,?? entire pei iod. ! n I ntimi conference had boon going on b tween Republican and Democratic loader cdn cerning the fate oJ the new bond bill Senator I-. Follette bad been talking moro than two hours when Sonal ir Penrose, of Penn . who had bei n attending a conference of Republican lenders in thi ty cloakrooi i, I iok a sent next to tho Wisconsin man's i for a whi pe? ' ?1 consulta: ?on. As it end d, Sen at r 1: , of A "No," r? pliod ! i Folli tl i, "o d I did how fa -i . d talk." , Lu Fi ?. .1 to inform iru ? ?a i hud com for a two hour i - ... I dor l Martin Hints at "Ugly Word" At this i".-mi Senator Ml?" I l.l IT. '.'Ii ? ? fow word o Se nal. at on< c jumped to hi feet, "1 ? :?!? . i ???.?... a lutely i rroni on characterized, i i ii- from tho Republ ' hit I Ii'- r PC? IS '?<? tal. Ill bl Iv. i 7 ... ..-i; ibis qJ tornoon m order to p? minority to lo y con fei -i bond b M needi ? to bi tade 1 ?rroneoua. 1 ? I ? r\ yield th floor ' ? tor who o I) h pi ?Will I ?" asked Mr. - i. \\ eon i. , ? icir feel i ? .... ' - - ... i ?1 l a ? , il. A I. .. i - ? i " il a i [ would ce irder 1 hat might i ? "Oh, I'm inder way," said La Follette. Martial Law Calms Madrid MADRID, March .. Madrid r? ?-nal aspect to-day, folio--. declarn'.Kin " of martial law. Tho shops were openod and business wag proceeded with. League Holds Promise o? ? Greater War, Says Knox i entino?-?! from oni-e i instead of having unknown ad untried people like 'Colonel House, for in stance, and 'Barney' Baruch, whoever he may be." Kitox Has Four Tesis In his address Senator Kimx pre? scribed four tests for tho league, an | Du its provisions abolish war and make it hereafter impossi? ?> l>o 'In* provisions of the pro poBi d covenant strike down tho pi cci pts m tho Con titution? ?> Are the provisions of the pro? posed .-''pal' i!i" I Clict i'.'e of " ir Bovi relgnty? ,1 Will this plan if put into opera i i s threnl en ou c nui L?jiuJ in ? dt-pondonce and life"? ? - tho lii .1 on'' Lion, :?onnl or K ii<i\ said: "Tin i.- is no ? an Important i ' i !. i'i,- document w ! ich docs not call y an Vor i liai ?-ui-i (ion 'No.' ; And, furl hor, tho scheme provided tho rein holds out a hlghor promlso, ; nay, iistiiiniiice, .if Q fut m-?' worldwide I wiiCi greater Can any which has gone . before, than an. other documont in tin ? ?-, of recorded t une. ii .- nlri ml: : n nted >u1 that, tho s nl pro I ?? ihroe sorts of i .' - : Fil ', ' ? i, na! ut, :cs' of ?he C0\ I - ond, protocol states, and, I third, outcast ptate.S, which 1 take it ? aro the Central Powers and thoir allies. "Now, it is unnecessary to labor on argument to shew that tho inevitable result of outlawing tho Central States ? tu drive them moro closely to? gether for mutual protection, and that this in i'.irii 'will make the formation of a second league of nations' almost an ? tired i ertainl y. Sees a second League may wi :! bo that i his sec . d ??ne will not at the outset bo aon tod - th all the formalit ios which one wc h a vi sidci .1 human prdbuh a I. ague will )"? - omoliow formed, b> understanding or ol horwii u, - foi im ; ' ir tin udhoronco to it. of neutral states, We i uni which .! each pre i'W mid (?i'i Lei- 1 0 ' 1 i III I III s ' .?n'.i bu i h ron h , ., i ? , Lyranniciil du ipol pcopli .in- I ' al i al i .? tj'udit o ? : . ? i, 11 11(1 111111 i p a i ? t \ to, for it o of nil of ?m- ? I for which our - i o u i o w n C o i iai VI or?1'* ver, to ? ? ? ich o ni' l I ? lie.a . . . I . till, abovi ? - , i . ;, . ndituro i i Ifoi '. ' ? ' a tin and blood ti novi i w ould be permii uently i nierai od by our prop ? . : i ' - , ? ? |i I i ? ; ? ivorId won 1 ?I i bee ; 11 under - i : pu , ? . . h unies a. i Points in Past Failures iry ever an iverod ' i pi to do t is ii one way, tli i i i ? n roua, ? I i. LI ivn "si upporl ' . , . . | ... i ? - I into I wo loci i id' I in i u 11 h a p 11 ' n ' ii ii ? | (Uli lili? III I II" 1'.'! 1 ' i in ' n ?.a ! . 1 , , I .,. . .i gnl/i's tin r ii Win Vol Umli .!,. d . ? . vu ! yiiiiil i ? ! Illlll'fl ' ?? ? II||| I I)| | i Millier III I'lt'll ' ; ' ii ml. . i i m um in; ? i > dm. - i?, ii . ni , . . ; ? , |j I,-.? I i. | , i I ly ami d udcpcudi n ol ;... ml of I i ril I I ' I]? I M', I ,: a i . m I ',, .a . ? - . o I L b e I ? ? : ' . Lo r m s to pro tuet I ? co vu Quotes From Covenant mm member of t ho ? ' .'..- or not accept obligal - ; of membership in purpo '?.. of the dis puti , i such w as would con -, iolal a ni \ rl icle 12 if the were a member of the league, !'u in war to p.otect t he cover I - ague. "And in nli I he e tn see ca ?e. , whoth- 1 er or not we pa rl ?ipato, and t ho amount orations ia determined not by our elves but by the executive council m which we have Beemingly at mo : but one voce out of nine, no matter what we | think of the merits of the controversy, no matter how \vc view the wisdom of a war or the raus-, we are bound by this covenant to go to war when and in i he manner the ?;xeciit ce -, - uncil Conflicts Are Sanction?. ?I "Thus i? is seen that in this alleged , Instrument of peace war is legalized in seven cases and made compulsory in "I bus the pioposed covi nant, in stend of abolishing war, nctunlly Banc : tlons, breed i and con*n .anda it. Mqrc I over, ?t absolutely requite- thai every I'miit-e war shall bo u potential world war and t.hut we shall be an activi part iciplUlt in every - Uch war. \\ , are thus thrust fully into tho terribli cauldron of European politics, and ?-. ? ry outbreak In th Balkan i i ?ven domeiil ic, if it threaten internal lona) wnt) will call for some oxpendltur? of tBeasufo, for some shedding ol American blood, .or : otne lo i f Amer lean life, Ii n ?die i,. ?ay and l'ai uoin ] to hope ..f I?, ligvu LI i .?? oil broil > not occur, for ambil ious niun *?. not hi .ii.ii.. to wii ie life ;n order to pun i. ii .m enemy or guin a goal. "Tl,?- plan, therefore, fails to moot i the lirst. te i "We come now In the ? i coud que i im 1 proposed, l??i tho prow ?on ot ? In pi "'??'? ml covenant ? i .1." dow n i; ? pre ('('pi.'- flf , ! 0 ('OlTHl il Ut lim V A 1111 ? ing of some of the more con piciiou pi ovisions ' i' euch unos- s I hat il doe . "I Inder the i on ititut ion the t on i i'o i of the United States ho ? tho ex elusivo power to dci laro war, The pro posed covenant puts, tho power of du daring war in the hands ' of i ho ox ecutive council, in which, it is true, wi have a voice, but not the com Lituti.i voice. Thus, whothi r ? ?ongrc i wi I o or not, whether the peoplo wish or not we may bo forced into war, with all iti sacrifices of life, in a cause in whicl we have no real concern and will which wo may be out of sympathy, un der the penalty that if we <\^> nqt go t< war we shall by breaking a covi nan? o the league bring war up Hi oursi i. tho balance of tho world, Und i > litution the ' mi1' re ? of i hi 1 nited SiaU-s has tho exclu ive powc to raise and support armies and to pro vide ami maintain a nav; . The eo\ eiiant pr?vidos that the executive eoun cil shall form?lalo plans limitai i'/.o of oni- ai my and na*. .>, People io Loao Control ": f .,? o net iii good faith uud r thi I'lienienl wo ihall, o: course, udop ? i.nont limits which us a mem !,, r i i' -, ha ex? cutivu council \\ i '. ? i !, .... . - ud ;n formul?t ing, 'Thei after, no mal ter w hut ou ly or what Its in coney, no mul Imi i ,.ii" i v ?.!? thu i?ei pie ? hem ? uIvoh may Lhiiili the il nut ion re .(ii- roi , w e can not rn a ea i ne le hihi bi.-yond ?ur limit save und exec? approved by Iho executive council, ii u h ?eh wo are otic of n i ne pai I iputini "I r vvn r wore abo)???heil hi - ch l| ? ' i? b le, b u t w i 11 ' d c\ bi ?.... i en nu min i ? of I lie h i tie am net ually ? omjnanded in c? rtain con lingei ? . ' may i i" ill Cor u ovei whelmii 11 aster. "Undei. < on: I ?tut ion n I real \ be , il'? c' ive upon it ? rat wit h the ud* ?cc and <.? I ' of t he Senute. I tier tho eo treaty becomes binding until !?,.,, ' ,?,??? tered with t he Seen lury Gi i ral of th? I-- t ? \ itul Powers Endangered ?? u seemi* reasonably cei ' a in, more over, that lituati. culling for un ' ;..si UCl '?<?' i' 'In gO\ ??' n mciil might arise under the pro' ion of Arlii 11!, i "in.! to llnam ial an n.i ic in? rue td .'?i. an iVrli? le '"? relating to I'reodoui |,i n il : -ni o(|uil a h I ? ' re . i-niMiiii i,., . )., ? s ,i . undei . ? | .?? Congi ' ghl m ' I, ml yet I uliilei th" foinpelliliu ?? i Ii II.lin i'iii-iii lo en ueh Ii . ? ? ' next tu th in.-. ? i ": s -i i"' pi'Wel i" ? III on .g III? ? II III till he I. ? I .m i hi" ? "dm ..ii,, ,,, ? , dem !.. ' 'i (?iii'iil n .dati m hi "-i . ' 'i ilil i | ? i r 11 y I .' '"" c 11 v e 1111111 ,,.,,,., . , bel'v ? i ' i I. m i, || . , ... i,| .,,, tu I ? -I Mi tuluti n ? m ?> Vo Pom ? < "II ; f 1 e a r, 1111 ? - ? . i . Ill ' i i ' e, I II'' III..till in iii mull ' i,,,". iio< iillu II, , o Lliiil .- h ich i ' i , i, i , . hud?, ,.; .:.;-.,!, . , , In i !,-? . . il OOlinoll III' ., ? n no nil"!' ol ?o- i . ; ei,iii i m i ii,jj piii'tli .. wh ichovei um ? th, , .,, . "Hui un mu? i ?i? w in. pni l In mu i dut ni'j power, ?-i -m i ?, Kiiine o in I ,.,,, , ... . Ii.i ; le- , ,.?.. I,. und wlioii om bo und lie um n 11,, is 11 bi ein, to tin.' arid i ni' Arme n iii, or l<? '?'?' lee pin-; deal I'ugions i, i i i? nt rn I ??' frica, "i lo 11 . m of Soul hwi i \ 11 -i, o? i tho iuhe pitablo South Pacifie lui? .,-, ai when they get there it will be sorne body else beside c urselves who will de? ten line now long tney shall remain, by what laws 'hey shall govern the people and what shall be their meas? ure and rules if protection. "Thus this covenant will, if it be? comes operative, strike down most j vital provisions of the Constitution, ?md here again it fails to meet the Inly Share in Fights 'I come now to the third question I have put: Are the provisions of the proposed covenant destructive of our reiji ni y V "Cast up m your mind the coloa al powers granted to the executive coun , cil i in which, be It always remembered, we are but one of nine participating power?); recall tho farruaching and covenants into which we shall i nter as one of the high contracting parties; and hold in mind that we are ! to give up the power to say when we : hall have war, when peace, what shall (i'.;i* army number, how many ?. ' e] .- of war shall wo have, how, when, where and under what condi shnll our army and navy be u "d, when shall our treaties be bind? ing, what shall our treatment, of com? merce be, how great shall bo our gift of fupils to other powers and therefore how great tho tribute wo shall pay .ider all those, and you cannot but ay Mai our sovoroignly has In mat? te] of national life and death been "Pane, M r. Prof id? at. and con ider u hat it m in-iipn e,| ?o do, tu lai.e from d h ni m no! ulono tin- right Sill! I he pOWCl' 'if I'll' defence. Wi? ll 'aid uni only nal.ed, but bo ind mid lii-lpli . Why, sir, It Is con 'i si\ In lli" eternal COUrSO of liuturc, e\h I hi ted ii all her works since the el lime, for a dofoncolcss or ? h n in arvivo, ? hothor that or? git nil m be plant, animal or social. , .'.'?'.'. [.hen ?hull we hope to Itvo? i "I i-mu?' now i" i he fourth and last Will this plan, if put ' ? i ilion, i'ii eaten our national ! indi pi ihleiiee and life '.' ",l udged by all tho standard--, of the i ', I',?* history and by experience, we must answer that it does, "It threaten'*) our life in respect, of all those matters in which our sov? ereignty is impaired, because when sovereignty goes life as a nation goes. Independence goes when our conduct .i itatod by others, when our con? tinued existence depends upon the. will of others, when we are no longer able m avail ourselves of our wonted means of defence, actual or by anticipation. "That iindei' this plan our conduct is dictated by others cannot, bo gain aid when we recall that, we may be launched into a world-wide warwithout tue power (lt determining what, our pai icipation s hall be, either in men, armament or money. That our con? tinued i ?sti nee depends on ! ho will of others is clear from t he fact ! hat, di-an.ed bj the mandate of the league, v e ; ho II n,,l bo permit ted to increase mi' armament save by the consent ol i he i -s--.it ix ?? council, no mattoi liov gren or pus . ing I ho cmorgoney 'm- the danger." Pud of Monroe Doctrine - ntor Kn.ix contended that tho tu plainly was an abrogation of i he docl i in?! ni' Washingl Oil and ' Moi r, "To say that th" elaborate plan now befo i ii iii Olli ' inplates and pro ?d foi the i in '"i y of the world 111 -1- not i un counter to I he in an noiinced pi inciph a i i to be blind to tin : ' me mm,, ol plain IllllgUagO,1 a.- ,, id, " Mo eo\ er, to contend that grual doct i in**, w Ii ich embodies ; vital ' of policy, not u men ntei na! ional rulo or is".', i. saved ' tin ague and gcnorul pre of ?I.- covenant preamble ui l y i he poorly ? urded d> clarat ions oj Vrticle i, is either i u convict of a fail ',m ;,, Liticl? ' i ind the i|iiosl ion or of i ? .iii m impose on tin reilulil; ol Ihosc who have not hw oppo) Lllilit ;. I " read 11".' din. innen ; i ? ! ehe... "No, Mr Pri iidi nt, if wc udo| t. thi ? I .- 11 nil! i ii" Monroe Docl rim 1 , we d> not Innrer ?'uni rol th di Linios of America, and I he grea , ui-i ' ; v. h ich fei* a cen? Ul' has Lherebj come Lo \?.- luis gone, pci I ,,. . eer, t alls Plan it I'nilin e In plan rails to meet i m nui of the ti ' I have hi II |o not aboli h ui preven .d i ' l'm sanction ?nil eon i i 1111,, down grei . I lui ?ui ! prlut'lpli , biilwurl .'jii ' Il d"?.- n H ii nf II i ' - I ? i ? ' ni s o y i ? i ' o Ig 111 y, I llm L111 .' i H en i nidi lll'lldl ili'H un V.I |l ' IIIII II | I 11. IS I' I e in??-'I ml empilai !?? m h "\\ ? II ml I IIBl II l|| ,,H h ' I I'i i'I'ImIi unxli'ty r"i 11 1 : Iiluii7 Why Is ffn i 1....ul Jini n uvu'i i lui I'm ' ' ,! ? boh i "d h. i.mgundl il ? i pLIiiu ',' ? in conic I m- h l'y n 'm god iipun o "Wl.In i "i il. I "Irnynl ol .un pi nph ' | ,, ?till 1 iti " o . no gi tuip of nut i" our d di '"i Ion . m i r in i,, M H lilt I' . I-, || - I I'Oltg \\ . ?I elf, lli< gi'eiit e.|' mankind, ' ' - ?'.. I" dnv lit,Hi .' lias b. lu m ntui'li "lilt1 '' ?'? " III)?'.I |l|vt?t? i eei HUI ? '" h ?!"' i "i Id lubtn'od | |u with i" :|1 Ial di ? Li i ' i-- i . bill,m. i . 1 ' ?' m ru piuit'tul mil ... i. pci |.ein i' 'tiiitiiin . ..m to un of He i miid i . mini Ii i- ? nubl tcrllh'od In n $vv ? .a ? , uni wer, IIhh I'aiiii.ie I'uileij eal ? ii it V i ?un? i he millions - ton i ni food we send to feed n mar\ ing, lia'.e wo lu ?-il d? af to ti Tu the gr?ai ni mi lier of Taris fashions and the di? versified collection of origi? nal creations invariably found at this establishment the woman of marked in? dividuality is certain to achieve that more personal, more exclusive type of clothes so difficult to find. 616 FIFTH AVENUE How Knox Would Enforce Peace Compared to Wilson League Plan JI/ASH1NGT0N, March 1.?Senator Knox, of Pennsylvania, in ?" his address to-any in the Senate on the league of nations, sua gesled three alternatives to the plan adopted by the peace confer? ence in Paris, as follows: FIRST?Compulsory arbitration of all international disputes. SECOND?An alliance betiveen the United States and some ntht r strong power or powers for mutual protection. THIRD?A "true league of tuitions," if the people of the coun? try are willing to make the necessary sacrifice in independence and Some of the points of (Inference between Senator Knoa's ?dan and that adopted in Paris and advocated by President Wilson arc: THE KNOX PLAN THE PARIS PLAN A league formed of all, not a per- Under Article VII it ;< provided tion, of the nations of the world. ihat no state shall be admitted un i it is ablo to give guarantees of intention to observe its interna? tional obligations and conform to ; he principles proscribed by the lea-rue in regard to it-? naval and military iorccs and anuamente. \\ il r I o be ileclui'i'd nil Hit ? l'I a tiotial crime, and any nation en gaging m war, bxi opt in ielf-de ii ne when uctually at tucked, to bo punished by the world as un Intel 11 on a I criminal. 'I h?' Monroe I loci ?'me I o bo Sftf? guurdud; also our immigration pol icy and our right ' o e\p, I a'?n-n l, One right i?? maintain military and naval establishments and coal ine- stations, and our right to for? tify the Panama Canal and our frontiers to bo safeguarded, An intci na? ional court to be em? powered by the league to call upon the signatory powers to enforce its decrees against unwilling states by force, ?conomie pressure or other? wise, 'file COllst ?till loll e I' t he league to provide, however, that decrees against an American power shall be enforced by the nal ons of ii,i? hemisphere, and decrees ugainst a country of the [??astern ire mi sphere by the powers, o I' that, hemi Article XVI provide.-, that should any of the high contracting parties break ii ? covenant . under Arl icio X I! (n int m", to arbitral ?oil I hull !"? deemed to have comm it ted in m of war again il I he leugne, which under!akes to exercise eco '.ic pre ? ure; and It Is to be the duty of ib?' executive council to rec ommond what military or naval force the membors of the leaguo ?hull contribute to bo tis?-d to pro tect tin? covonanta of the league Mono of those mat tors i mont i<.d specifically , but I'n ildi nl \\ ?lson hu . aid thai i ho league will "ex ti i he Monroe Doel fine to I he ,holo v. orhl" und lhat domei I ic and ,.iii rns I questions are not a concern oft lie I? ague. Article "V"III says, "The oxecutivo council shall also determino for the consideration and action of tho several governments what military equipment and armament is fair and reasonable and in proportion to the cale of forces laid down in the programme of disarmament, and these limits when adopted shall not be exceeded without tho permission of the ? seen: ive council." Article XIV provides for tho es? tablishment of a "permanent court "t" International justice," bul its powei s are limited to hearing and determining "any matter which tho parties recognize ?is suitable ?r submission to it for orbit i at ?on" linder Article XIII. cry of the oppressed? Count our selves and our posterity fice men, but young men in Franco. Have wo failed on tin- ?lark and gloomy problem, in love liberty and humanity better 'What is the greatest oouilage whicu than life itself? Ask the mothers wu can put on our backs and livo?"' whose sons In- on the buttlolloldB of Would Answer Call Again '" I Senator Knox i lion |>i oi ceded o enumerate i h roo plana of previ ni ?nu warn liiiii would li a v o nono o J l h o evils of i he pending leu-ruc "* in we not be trusted ugain "> ! "One way," he said, i "to pi come in tho rescue when ugaln popu for the compulsory arbitration of all In- government, civilization and human uigpul.es under some such plan us th i right threaten lo bu overwhelmed? I provided for in the International Prizo chullenge any man or nution to suy Court, or the unratilVid Americun 'Nay.' Why. then, this plan lo slrnnglc British and American French arbitra und crush n Mr, Prcsi lent, thor? .u treaties of 1011, or the OH here something amiss. Wo stand her in the Senate of i he Uni! -I States an I soberly and anxiously dobatt , plan and consider, not as did our fiither.' before us, on how can v.e best i i' erve and RUirment our liberties nn I make our I'i'un-.-efoto treaty of 1.897, or a union Ol I b, best in all of them. "Ho nei d nol won y about ? ho en forcement of the awards of (lu- arbi i rul com '.. for I recall no case belv, n iM-e.'ll now??.-, in .??!,,,.I, ?,.. ??..-I ......I. ^*"p^ I i i j^y cT^Cew cPcip?s Hats cA( eH> ^Tailored ^Dnesses Scintillating the very zenith of attractiveness, splendid style and ex clusiveness. There will be presented to-morrow an unusual number of original hats evolved in the new Paris colorings, cathedral in their influences on the smart vogue for early Spring.1 ?_yldjourd'hui plus qu'hier et encore moins que demain A number of interpretations of. the new silhouette in exploiting the full skirt ? have been added during the week and will be shown for the first time to-morrow. at cJifiySecond Street ? has not either been carried out as en or has not led to an adjustment mutually satisfactory to both parties. We may forget armed force in this and ook to the reign of law and order. If mall states should be recalcitrant us between themselves, means of persua? sion can be four.d that will satisfy all Suggests Another Plan "A second way would be this: If we feel that world interests and power ? ?re reshaping in such way that we need to be protected and that w to protect others, then let us form an ? alliance with the strongest other powei or two powers of the protection. That we be not throwr into quarrels in which we would have no sympathy we must choose allies those powers whose traditions, titution i, ideals and people are most iike our own. ? . "If we ai > as ready to fight for then i ,ve will be (under 1 ? pi - m i ?. ha? them for us make ti i ? ?tronc i .?n bi writti u. becausi from i shadowy one we shall have all the dis? of a st rong one. In either i venl ; ich a definite understanding between our? selves and i ur allies will obviou inevitably drive the balance of tin world into a counter alliance, whicl cannot but bring trouble in the future Wants True League "l ir, in the third pli of the United Stutcs I not u el of llu in. bu| a |in ' si,..! ' -, desire to i i I . nations; If the; fool olt her I hu noei m* the desirability ... an oi ??ani/a; Ion in i Lop v? ur und not merelj i o build a coulit ?on f a furl her t rudo o in preserve and oxpnnd tori itorial po i toi lions; and If so feeling and tn thi end they are H ?Ding i,. milk?! I ho pies oui noc? nrj cril ico in indoponilenci und sovereignty and tho ?nevitabh i ui uro : ni i untold ' ' . , , re ami . i I'e, iheli we "At II ' I ; ' he is ttively i ire w "pe?ate with m lupruscututivi s. of ul the nth? r ptevei., ,n the format i< i among all, not a port on, of of the u orld of an ?nlernationu "Among the first articles of ti." con .dilution which ?hftll create thl dd be one which shall provide tha war is thereby declared to be an inter natii nal crime, and i hat any nat ioi engaging in war, except in self-defenc actually attacked, sha.I bo pun ?shed by the world as an ?nternationu Would Define V. ur "This coi titut n ? lould a ' ? pro Vide that all di put i ' 11 ? 11 a I 111 II 11 . , CI rnational cod ' an ?lit .-ins' 10 . ll COUl't. "The code would define what w.. r i und '.'? ould discrii nute I ivo and di belwei i ?unit and jiroti pne and uol of law ever ei i-ted : sely pro .Tied bus penalised idf-dcfenc? I ... ii or by ??' ? ? Alien the right and powi "This ci.iie would al " ; one nation could not : in before the inti m respect In U mallei' of nul common concern to the contem inj; nation . and that the of Tee court would n : i iluud ers of i'"vei ninent policj A Sensible Shoe Will help you over rough as well as smooth roads?literally When quick feet are flying through busy days the going is right, if the shoes arc right. Don't sentence your feet to foot-ailments?walk with a firm, sute. comfortable stride in For men, women and children at prices no higher than ordinary $6 West Thirty-Sixth ?Street y/ 7V;< r?^??rnnrica l , INAttU lt?t ml el ill l-.il 1 L'710 7-a led from a i bit ral ion ui ,? puting purtii a thut might involve these eel :?.'" En glis h I *u hi i cist s I 'rge I . S. Be ?S anted . irmenia's Mandatary ' ? .? publicist i are supporting the pro ii como i he man A : men ?a, and hai, ?- sent , ??, i" to A eui . , creta i y of tin iciel y and I iberu ? i for Nort hwe ? i i o himself stroi ?.. orge \ : - ? i f Abci doen l si', i r it v, i,.i-, from a 1>i nue of tin ... A i of (lie 1 ' I'diull h |ipoi i i in- i, i , , ,iii?. Arm? ?an territorii 5 Ti? AVE at ?+6?$]) ,<u c intw?ucinq 1 [S E?SMIQNS ?i? ?a? t ?to ilictf <? ttAri\ wjfotn > (fie ^victori/~ irupired collection* ?hovtn/ xit'.tltc/ Spring Qpcnincpof Alies Smart T?ilormade Suits Trig Street FkocKS Dinner and Evening Gowns W and Evening ViiAPs s/hom every mediate op^ ,11 o te -~. pe t vot i c i Hi) ?. elected Jhj our <MV/t reptx6aitatu>e? ' UJia. (Sustain; ty&UQ/xna Llp<.wtnien?s" M> now fxntparcd Jx> Wwiop ts > <UV QjfOf'uig <Jci?4ltf)r\A-* ?o A4V?Wtckcai +>rjci*-' IMJt'.<WC. I"?"? ??

By CP Staff By Ed Huyck By Ed Huyck By Ed Huyck By Ed Huyck By Ed Huyck By Ed Huyck Looking through my notes from 2006 (to be donated upon my demise to the National Archives of Overwrought Obfuscation), I found no fewer than 34 candidates for my Top 10 List—and that's knowing that I missed several worthy shows this year. The opening of the new multi-stage Guthrie was the scene stealer this year (for good reason), but there were other great stories: the public American premiere of the transcendent Gatz at the Walker, the bold work for teens on the CTC Cargill Stage, and the time I found the perfect free parking space in downtown St. Paul before a show at Park Square. Of such events are legends made. Top 10 Shows of 2006 (in alphabetical order) Amerika, or the Disappearance Theatre de la Jeune Lune This show featured everything we love about Jeune Lune: sumptuous visuals, outré performances, and a cutting humor that dug into Kafka's unfinished novel with an unsurpassed intelligence. (All the better, the company whittled down the local version from the three hours it originally ran at Cambridge's American Repertory Theater). What sticks in the memory is the tremulous Karl (Nathan Keepers), horrified by burlesque visions of the land of the free—such as Luverne Seifert's rootin'-tootin' Texan and Sarah Agnew's sex-bomb seductress. This was director Dominique Serrand at his best, illuminating his work with restless curiosity and kinky subversion. Skewed Visions updated its ongoing site-specific derangement of the senses in a dormant office building across from the Grain Belt Brewery. Days and Nights mined modernity's alienation, evoking the texture of a feverish, tooth-grinding night spent in a haunted past. One scenario followed the true story of Bruno Schulz, a Jewish painter and novelist who was compelled to paint a child's mural for an S.S. officer in the final weeks of his life. A weary Nathan Christopher crossbred this history with the Rumpelstiltskin myth, weaving strips of paper from books in a futile bid to save his hide. Downstairs, Charles Campbell broke down in a seedy apartment while Cherri Macht swilled a beer in urban oblivion next door. The result was spookier than the Celebrity Paranormal Project and more surreal than The Surreal Life. Theatre in the Round What a marvelous piece of total trash was this Jane Martin Western—like a John Ford picture remade by John Waters. The cracked action revolves around Big 8 (Karen Wiese-Thompson, with her typical comedic seamless ease), a woman who lives alone on a Wyoming ranch and supplies mystical—and occasionally sensual—services to bashed-up rodeo riders. Her latest charge is the dim Rob Bob (Josh Jabas), a lug-nut cowpoke tangled up in pink with a girl who has a homicidal maniac named Black Dog on her tail. Bob Malos stole the show as the aforementioned ebon canine, getting shot, stabbed, and shot again, repeatedly coming back to life with cartoon menace. This show lampooned everything that's right and sane, amid buckets of blood—a Yosemite Sam cartoon come to life with Ralph Bakshi drawing the pictures. You spent the first hour of this show wondering whether it was going to reach transcendence or fizzle out like so many duds from an unsatisfying Fourth of July fireworks display. This story of two burnt-out Vietnam vets played to the strength of its male leads, with Terry Hempleman supplying gee-whiz geniality and Stephen D'Ambrose lending a tart air of repression to a guy unable to deal with his past. But the mixer that made the drink was the women: Camille D'Ambrose as a crowbar-swinging mother and Heidi Bakke as the war-scarred girlfriend. Breathy, mannered, and inappropriate, Bakke broke through as the evening went on, embodying the incoherent and broken spirit that results from our nation's wars of choice. The spirit of Robert McNamara makes an appearance in the script, but no worries: Future performances can be rewritten to include Don Rumsfeld. University of Minnesota The West Bank Arts Quarter, October. You: crouched in the grass while the devil screeched up in a car and cavorted to deranged techno music; jogged to a set of stairs and watched a wind-up band playing demented vaudeville; squinted through the gloom and watched a real-life silent movie playing out in the near distance; leaned against a wall while a huge student cast sang a song of heartache and near-redemption; held your breath while you walked through the dark with characters hissing sour nothings in your ear. What? You didn't? You missed out! Humphrey Bogart got famous with his portrayal of iconic gangster Duke Mantee, first on Broadway and then on film. Jerome R. Marzullo did Old Ashtray Breath proud in this small-theater take on desert ennui and the myths of the American artist and outlaw. In a work that predated Slavoj ˆZiˆzek by a few decades, this show captured the desert of the real with chilling vigor: Jennifer J. Phillips as the small-town lovely, Michael Mikula as the law-and-order stiff, and John Middleton as a wandering solipsist. Holding it all together was Marzullo, weary and righteous, his hair seemingly slicked back with the grease that lubes all the machines of the age. As one character opines, "This is a weird country we're in." Amen to that. When the young characters in this rural drama go to church, they sing hymns while exchanging lascivious looks, voicing their lust in brief asides and generally giving off enough sexual energy to power a combine. Melanie Marnich's script was rife with menace and two-timing, but Emigrant's staging connected like a rabbit punch. In a bare warehouse space littered with hay bales and a disembodied car seat, the young cast played out sex and murder with enough juice to leave the audience with a contact Busch beer buzz. Maren Bush as wife Laura stood out as a flawed jewel in an ugly milieu, her angelic face ultimately belied by her squishy morality. Think No Exit with a soundtrack by Keith Urban. Children's Theatre Company A road in Alabama in the Civil Rights Era. Four African American men in a car. A redneck cop eager to abuse his power. So powerful was this scene in CTC's adaptation of Christopher Paul Curtis's novel that some viewers left at the end of the night wondering whether children should be exposed to such things. I walked out thankful that my child had witnessed a portrayal of bigotry and injustice so unsparing, so real, and so shocking that she understood in an instant that racism springs from the weakest and most despicable corners of our souls. It didn't hurt that the show also unspooled the familial warmth of an early Gordon Parks pic. Standing in a cage, the onetime South African washerwoman Saartjie Baartman is the object of a whole nation's leers. As the "Venus Hottentot," her outsized backside stirs fascination and lust throughout Victorian England. It's just messed-up enough to have really happened, and bomb-throwing playwright Suzan-Lori Parks wrung every drop of pain out of the scenario. Wendy Knox subsequently added her signature downhill-with-no-brakes directorial style. And Shá Cage projected disgust and defiance as a character who wishes to be loved despite the wrenching fact that she's not even accepted as human. Mixed Blood Theatre Thomas W. Jones II and Regina Marie Williams latched onto Dael Orlandersmith's story of African American skin-tone discrimination in the South with enough electricity to leave the audience singed. Williams and Jones played multiple characters, primarily a pair of star-crossed lovers trying to carry out their lives amid staggering ignorance and wrong-headedness. The highlight comes when Jones's character returns home after an unwanted inheritance. Amid layers of hate between generations, the story spiraled into despair and a murder on the front lawn. Swinging from character to character, Jones's deepest conviction emerged in an unvoiced sentiment: When will we quit all this bullshit? Great Performances in Non-Top 10 Shows (in no particular order): 1. Gus Lynch, Gangster No. 1, The E.S.C.: So scary that by the end he was threatening to take the audience outside for a thrashing. 2. Sonja Parks, Antigone, Children's Theatre Company: Sympathetic and grandstanding in equal measure; Antigone as the original drama queen. 3. Joseph Papke, Slag Heap, Theatre Pro Rata: It was all good for Papke's street hustler until the drugs and porn started to, you know, turn unseemly. 4. Ahanti Young, Zooman and the Sign, Penumbra Theatre: It takes a lot of guts to play a character so rotten and irredeemable. The kind of performance you don't want your family to see. 5. Stacia Rice and Peter Hansen, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Torch Theater: Maggie and Brick done to perfection, all whiskey, perfume, and sexual frustration. 6. Zach Curtis, Requiem for a Heavyweight, Fifty Foot Penguin: Stay down already, you wanted to yell. A fitting way to fold a small, brave theater company. 7. Emily Gunyou, Messalina, Red Eye: One hopes to exhibit as much sheer humanity when the breakdown of civilization ensues. 8. Annie Enneking, Mother Courage and Her Children, Frank Theatre: She'd sell you some scrap, some rags, maybe one of her kids. The rapacity of war laid bare. 9. Dieter Bierbrauer, Floyd Collins, Theater Latté Da: Let's see you try singing while pretending to be trapped immobile in a mineshaft. 10. Jami Rassmussen and Amber Swenson, A Princess of Mars, Hardcover Theater: And while you're at it, try playing the male and female leads against bug-eyed papier-mâché alien heads on the end of 12-foot poles. And do it without being upstaged. Ten Great Sets/Scenic Designs (again, in no order): 1. Gotama, In the Heart of the Beast (Masanari Kawahara) 2. Mefistofele, Theatre de la Jeune Lune (Dominique Serrand) 3. Esperanza Rising, Children's Theatre Company (Riccardo Hernández) 4. The House of Blue Leaves, Jungle Theater (John Clark Donahue) A Midsummer Night's Dream, Mu Performing Arts (Joe Stanley) 6. Edgardo Mine, Guthrie Theater (Riccardo Hernández 7. Mother Courage and Her Children, Frank Theatre (John Bueche) 8. Bug, Pillsbury House (Joseph Stanley) 9. Crimes and Whispers, Gerry Girouard and Dancers and Off-Leash Area (Paul Herwig) 10. Floyd Collins, Theater Latté Da, (Michael Hoover) Talking Turkey: The Bottom Five We have nothing but affection and respect for the sweat and toil it takes to bring a work to the stage. But sometimes it doesn't quite pan out. 1. The Trial of Osama Bin Laden (Stagewright Unlimited) The verdict? This world premiere was well intended but really, really bad. Still, at least it seemed plausible at the time that Osama might be captured. 2. Madmen and Specialists (Nimbus) Wole Soyinka's story of repression, control, and messianic madness was a typically bold effort by this risk-huffing company. Effective execution of the plot, in this case, was not in evidence. 3. Sex Diary of an Infidel (Penumbra Theatre) Great title. That's about it, though. This aimless story about a sham, careerist journalist and the Southeast Asian sex trade was a rare swing and miss for Penumbra. 4. Ten Percent of Marta Solano (Mixed Blood) Almost good, this story of surreal bureaucratic torment seemed several times to be on the verge of meaning something. I'm still not sure what that is. 5. Hamlet (Guthrie Theater) Or not to be.

At 82, U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has become a major pop icon. Facts don’t lie. She is the subject of a new American opera with her colleague, Associate Justice Antonin Scalia. She recently had an emoji fashioned after her, Harvard’s Class Day speaker, actress Natalie Portman, is set to play her in a forthcoming biopic. She even has a blog about her life, “Notorious R.B.G.” To those who have followed her career closely, this development is unsurprising. As an outspoken woman in a male-dominated institution with a razor sharp legal mind, a passion for and devotion to family, a love of regular workouts, and a keen eye for style, (just check her judicial robe’s jabots), Ginsburg has become a role model for women. Her powerful opinions and dissents are legendary, as is her refreshing candor. When asked recently about occasionally falling asleep during State of the Union addresses, she admitted to being a little tipsy before President Obama’s speech early this year. “I wasn’t 100 percent sober,” Ginsburg told National Public Radio, adding that her colleague, retired Justice David Souter, used to act as her safety net, faithfully giving her a pinch when she started to nod off. But it’s Ginsburg’s tireless fight for equal rights, her reputation as an exceptional and fearless litigator, her grasp of complicated legal arguments, and her strength and determination in the face of personal adversity that has defined her life and lengthy career. On Friday, after the pomp and circumstance of Harvard’s 364th Commencement had begun to fade, the capstone annual event to honor both the Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study and an individual “who has had a transformative impact on society” unfolded under a tent in Radcliffe Yard during Radcliffe Day. Following a morning panel with legal scholars on the major trends and precedents of the U.S. Supreme Court under Chief Justice John Roberts, in addition to the court’s relationship to Congress, Radcliffe Dean Lizabeth Cohen presented Ginsburg with the Radcliffe Medal. “This year’s Radcliffe medalist is an individual whose life and work represent the values that Radcliffe was founded upon and continues to uphold today,” said Cohen in her introductory remarks. “Ruth Bader Ginsburg, associate justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, has challenged and changed expectations throughout her life.” Cohen praised Ginsburg for her fight for equal rights for women and her efforts that helped pave the way for women to take on high-profile roles in business, government, the military, and the Supreme Court. “We are here today to honor how one person — our honoree, Ruth Bader Ginsburg — knocked on closed doors, opened them, and held them open for others.” Born in Brooklyn, N.Y., in 1933, Ginsburg had an early life defined by a love of learning. A gifted student, she attended Cornell University, and later Harvard Law School as one of only nine women in the class of 1956. While at Harvard, Ginsburg cared for her young daughter, and her ailing husband Marty, who was diagnosed for testicular cancer. (He died from metastatic cancer in 2010.) Later, she left Harvard with her daughter to follow Marty to New York City. There, she enrolled at Columbia Law School, where she graduated in 1959 at the top of her class. She was the first woman to serve on two major law reviews. After being turned down for a clerkship by Supreme Court Associate Justice Felix Frankfurter, as a woman and mother, Ginsburg secured a clerkship with U.S. District Judge Edmund L. Palmieri. She went on to become a law professor and the co-founder of the Women’s Rights Project at the American Civil Liberties Union. As the project’s chief litigator, she argued several cases before the Supreme Court, securing increased rights for women. She later served as judge for the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia. In that role, said Cohen, “She demonstrated a commitment not to generating heat, but to shedding light.” In 1993, President Bill Clinton appointed her to the Supreme Court. “What animates all her opinions is an unqualified commitment to fairness and a willingness to grapple with what the founders’ vision of equality means today,” said Cohen. Former Supreme Court Associate Justice David Souter introduced her, with humorous and heartfelt remarks. The two served together for 16 years and voted alike more often than any other two current justices during their overlapping tenures. Souter recalled Ginsburg’s first day on the court in 1993. Like his colleague Scalia, Souter said he was a rigorous questioner of lawyers appearing before the court. The two quickly realized they had new, fierce competition in Ginsburg, who “was off the mark with her first question before Justice Scalia and I had our mouths open.” At one point, remembered Souter, Scalia whispered to him: “You and I may have asked our last question in this courtroom.” Souter called Ginsburg a “tiger Justice,” and praised her intelligent initiative, her intellectual, and her emotional stamina. Those qualities, he said, are what make a great Justice, “and a great Justice is what Justice Ginsburg is.” Preparing for his introductory remarks, Souter returned to the notes he’d made from the arguments the court had heard and the discussions the members of the court had had during Ginsburg’s first week almost 22 years ago. Quoting himself, he read: “I can’t reserve caution in my delight with Ruth.” During the event, Kathleen Sullivan, J.D. ’81, former professor of law at Harvard and Stanford University and the former dean of Stanford Law School, walked Ginsburg back through some of the highlights of her career. In the 1970s, Ginsburg litigated a number of cases before the Supreme Court that helped to overturn laws that discriminated against women, including Reed v. Reed, a 1971 case that declared sex discrimination a violation of the 14th Amendment. The case involved the estate of a deceased teenager. The boy’s mother, who had long separated from her husband, felt she should be the administrator, but Idaho law said that in such instances males “must be preferred to females.” “It was the perfect statute to attack as discriminating arbitrarily against the woman,” said Ginsburg. “But what Sally Reed’s case brought home to me … [was that Reed] thought she had suffered an injustice and that the legal system could make it right.” Ginsburg said she constantly sought to break down traditional male/female stereotypes “that held women back from doing what their talents would allow them to do.” She even challenged laws that privileged women on behalf of men who were unjustly affected, upholding the notion that any type of gender discrimination was unconstitutional. In 1979, she successfully challenged a Missouri law before the Supreme Court that made jury duty service for women optional. “A law that says ‘women aren’t on our juries unless they volunteer’ is saying that women are expendable; we don’t need them,” said Ginsburg. That kind of law, she added, also deprives women brought to trial of the opportunity to face a jury of their peers. In reflecting on her work, Ginsburg said her legal successes before the Supreme Court had much to do with the climate of the times. In the 1970s, “a sea change in attitude” saw more women in the workforce, wide access to effective birth control, longer life expectancies, and inflation, which meant a “two-earner family became the ideal.” “It was that change, which had already occurred in society, that led the court at last to catch up to that change.” Turning to earlier Supreme Court rulings, Ginsburg said she remained opposed to the way the court decided the landmark 1973 abortion case Roe v. Wade. “In one fell swoop, the court made unconstitutional every abortion law in the country … so the court had done it all, and the people who were advocating for a woman’s ability to control her own destiny, they retired, while the opposition mounted. Now they had, instead of having to fight in the trenches state by state … they had this one single target to aim at.” Sullivan inquired about Ginsburg’s work on the Court, in particular the 1996 United States v. Virginia case that struck down the Virginia Military Institute’s (VMI) male-only admissions policy. Ginsburg, who wrote for the majority in the decision, called the case satisfying, not just for allowing women equal access to the school, but for other reasons. “For one thing, the VMI faculty was very much in favor of the admission of women. The reason should be obvious. If they could include women in their applicant pool, they would upgrade the quality of their students.” Discussing collegiality on the court and her famous friendship with conservative Justice Scalia, Ginsburg said that while they have different views on how the Constitution should be interpreted, they both respect and revere the court, saying they were “different in our beliefs, but one in our reverence for the federal judicial system.” Ginsburg even offered the crowd a preview of the libretto for “Scalia/Ginsburg.” To Scalia’s aria, which includes the lines “the justices are blind, how can they possibly spout this, the Constitution said absolutely nothing about this,” the stage Ginsburg replies, “You are searching for bright-line solutions to problems that don’t have easy answers. But the great thing about our Constitution, it can evolve.” She also said, to cheers from the crowd, that at one point during the opera she comes to the rescue of Scalia, who has been locked up in a dark room for excessive dissenting, by “entering through a glass ceiling.” “There isn’t a glass ceiling that you haven’t broken, Justice Ginsburg,” said Sullivan. “Thank you for the inspiration you have given to all of us who are privileged to have benefited from the pathways you have forged in the law.”Asked by Sullivan to offer advice to women today, Ginsburg said: “Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”

You need to be watching The Americans. I don't just mean you need to be watching in the usual colloquial way—although I do mean that, because it is the best drama on television, even though it, like The Wire, seems to have escaped the notice of Emmy voters. I mean, you need to be watching. Watching closely. The Americans is an exceptional case in today's TV landscape: It is a show that demands your undivided attention. There's no checking your Twitter or Instagram feeds; the show shuts down all second screens. (Even though Henry Jennings, a boy so amped about video games he'll break into his neighbor's house to play, finally gets a computer this season.) The Americans is about picking up clues, about the telling eyebrow raise, the ordinary-seeming coffee cup left by the bench, the car that turned left after signaling right. You have to watch so hard that you feel like you're spying on these Russian spies—which, in a way, you are. The first few seasons of The Americans found Phillip and Elizabeth (Matthew Rhys and Keri Russell) figuring out what was real in their marriage; no easy feat considering that, for almost 20 years, they didn't even know each others' real names. But as these undercover agents have found their way toward a relationship they know is real, feeling toward love and honesty like fumbling for a light switch in the dark, another relationship in their lives threatened to implode. Their teenage daughter, Paige (A+ teen Holly Taylor), had that spidey-sense that her parents were up to… something. She probably did not expect that something to be, We're Russian spies pretending to be Americans, and you can literally never tell anyone we told you this, or we will go to prison and you'll never see us again. But you know what they say—you can't choose your parents!—so Paige ended season three by spilling her parents' state secrets over the phone to her beloved Pastor Tim. If season three ended with supporting characters finally understanding (at least part of) the central truths in the series—Martha (Alison Wright), the FBI secretary who married Phillip-as-Clark, finally saw her husband without his disguise; Paige came face-to-face with her Soviet DNA when she met her ailing Russian grandmother—season four is about, well, what now? What do you do with the truth once you have it? Does a new, startling truth do more damage to your psyche than a familiar lie ever did? Are truths like lies: Once you start telling them, you don't know when to stop? It's something everyone is reckoning with: Nina (Annet Mahendru) knows that the scientist she's supposed to be working with has a son who thinks he's dead; she's spitting distance from freedom, and acting on that intel could destroy her chances of ever getting out. Can Pastor Tim live with himself if he helps Paige help her parents commit treason? Can he live with himself if he betrays her trust instead? Martha knows exactly what "Clark" has done, and would do again, to protect her; where does she go from there? Or does she have nowhere left to go? It's Martha, it turns out, who most quickly adapts to her new reality. In Wright's capable hands, she has transformed from a frumpy, lonely-hearted woman so desperate to be loved she bought Clark's dicey story (not to mention that alarming toupee) into someone taking ownership over a life she never would have chosen for herself, rising to face her unimaginable circumstances with a fierce dignity. Season Four is, in the four episodes made available to critics, quieter than the three that came before it. Think less honey-trapping and breaking-a-corpse-into-a-suitcase, more ephemeral threats: biological warfare, familial implosion. Some of the most violent, unsparing scenes happen in dream sequences and flashbacks, as if to suggest that reality is nowhere near as brutal a place as any one of these characters' subconscious. When Phillip and Elizabeth talk to each other, everything is code for something else. They are still, after all they've been through, on opposite sides of an existential crisis: Elizabeth will do whatever it takes to keep their cover and stay loyal to Mother Russia, while Phillip keeps growing more distant from the country of his birth and more disillusioned with what his spy work requires of him. The season premiere gives us a glimpse into Phillip's childhood, and it is, perhaps unsurprisingly, a cold and brutal one. He might be even closer to a breaking point than Paige is. He can't bear to add to his body count. He can't, that is, until he does.

My experiences show that a woman doesn’t choose prostitution. She is choosing survival. Prostitution isn’t a choice. It is the absence of choice. Nobody makes the choice to be poor, low caste, or female. Society and individuals take advantage of this lack of choice. Language is politics. I use the term ‘prostituted woman.’ People wonder, ‘Who prostituted her?’ The system of inequality is what prostitutes women and girls. Ruchira Gupta is the Founder and President of Apne Aap Women Worldwide – a grassroots organization in India working to end sex trafficking by increasing choices for at-risk girls and women. She has striven over her 25 year career to highlight the link between trafficking and prostitution laws, and to lobby policy makers to shift blame from victims to perpetrators. Read more about our views on prostitution on the Deep Green Resistance News Service.

Blog 48...To Forgive (Sabbatical Chronicles Part I) Well I have made it a week into my Sexual Sabbatical, I think I gained 3 pounds, I am totally blaming it on the no sex thing...totally. I sure the hell have been thinking a lot more, and trying to give myself more alone time with my phone off to just let myself swim in the river of thoughts flowing through my brain...I had no idea the tributary was so fucking deep...damm. And while taking this time to figure out what I need and what I want, something my dad said to me about a year ago keeps flashing in my head. I probably would have not even remembered it if my mom didn’t keep on pestering me about Thanksgiving plans...she wants me to join the family up in Brookings, Oregon...I went last year, it was the first time I had been back since the Thanksgiving that I decided to leave my ex-husband...when I went last year, it rocked me. All these memories of letting go flooded my head, I know I had made the right decision leaving my husband, but that by no means made it an easy choice... I remember just bursting out into tears over the phone with my dad after the holiday trip, still trying to comprehend what exactly I was feeling... My dad said...I had to forgive, I had to forgive my ex-husband, and I had to forgive myself. I appreciated at first note what my father was preaching...and I strived hard for some time to forgive my ex-husband. I think I finally reached that point to forgive him about four months ago when I found out he had a child with another woman. For no matter how I feel about him, my feelings pale in importance to that of a child, a fresh face of life...and even though the news brought up memories of my own miscarriage and an odd feeling of my capabilities as “a woman”...any feelings of malice I had towards him, simply washed away. I forgave him... And on I went, doing my royal duties...and the closer the holiday season approaches, the more my mom keeps on bringing up the “thanksgiving thing” the more I fight it...the other day as I was on one of my late night walks the thought of going to Brookings flashed in my head, I recalled how upset I got last year... and in an instant, I knew why I did not want to go. My dad’s words flashed in my head and I realized I had forgotten to accomplish the last part of his advice...I had to forgive myself. I haven’t forgiven myself and I should. I need to... It is what is holding me back. I learned so much from the mistakes that I made, from my loss, and I have climbed so high and even though I have struggled every step...I keep on walking up my hill. The little girl I was when I met my husband, was the not the woman who left him, and is a mere shadow of the princess I am today. I need to forgive myself for what I think was a mistake. Marrying my ex-husband was not a mistake, it was a choice I made in my life that helped me become who I am today, and that is fucking awesomeness...and there is nothing fucking wrong with being awesomeness (especially when it is awesomeness times 11) And finding the strength to leave a marriage that we were both unhappy in...that is proof of my veracity as a woman. One cannot forgive oneself in a thought... But the concept can kindle the fires of self-forgiveness which only time can ignite... And it’s not like I can’t light a fire here peeps... (and if there is a fire, can we please have smores...please) DANCE OF THE WEEK (this is another one of my lame affirmation dances, but whatever...you like it) Go saunter your hot ass in the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror...and tell yourself that you forgive yourself...for being a dumb ass, a chicken fucker, a ding dong, a bad friend, a bad lover, being selfish, not doing what is always right...anything that you do that you know is not being the best you, you can be...forgive yourself and be done with it...RELEASE

Kelsey Grammer's bride (his fourth) wore white -- on the Great White Way! The actor's rep tells UsMagazine.com that Grammer, 56, wed girlfriend Kayte Walsh Friday at NYC's Longacre Theatre. Grammer and British flight attendant Walsh, 29, exchanged vows on the stage -- covered with white candles -- where the actor just wrapped his Tony-nominated run in the Broadway musical La Cage Aux Folles. First-time bride Walsh wore a long, satin and chiffon gown by Peter Langer for Mark Ingram, according to Access Hollywood. Who married the couple? A drag queen! The New York Post reports that actor Terry Lavell, who performed with Grammer in La Cage, has a license to officiate weddings. Among also those joining the pair on stage were Grammer's grown daughter, actress Spencer Grammer, who read a poem, Kayte's brother, who sang a song, and Grammer's 5-year-old son Jude (whose mom is Kelsey's ex-wife Camille Grammer). Kelsey and Camille's daughter Mason, 8, reportedly didn't attend the bash. After taking their bridal vows and bows, the newly hitched couple, shielded by the day's rain with umbrellas, boarded a white Mercedes. They will greet their guests later on Friday evening at a luxe reception held at the Plaza Hotel's famed Grand Ballroom. On the menu, obtained by TMZ: Ginger prawns, filet mignon au poivre, slow-roasted turkey breast with chorizo stuffing, and braised short-ribs. And when it's time for dessert, the bride and groom will feast on a custom-made concoction by famed wedding cake designer Sylvia Weinstock. PHOTOS: Stars' huge engagement rings "They're going to have a delicious carrot cake," Weinstock told UsMagazine.com. "It's about 55 inches tall. A grand cake, decorated with sugar flowers, in shades of white and cream." Weinstock added that the cake is filled with cream cheese, caramel, and coconut. "It's going to be a fantastic showpiece," said Weinstock, who met with Walsh, Grammer and Walsh's mother to design the cake. Just two weeks ago, Grammer finalized his divorce from third wife Camille after pushing to quickly expedite the split in order to marry Kayte. The disintegration of Kelsey and Camille's 13-year marriage played out on the first season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Camille, 42, nearly quit the Bravo show mid-season because of the marital strife, she told Us. Indeed, on the season finale, the former Playboy model wept to a friend about discovering her husband's other woman while visiting him in NYC Malibu, Calif. The Frasier star first filed for divorce in July -- and stepped out with Walsh, whom he met in NYC while performing La Cage, soon thereafter. (Walsh sadly suffered a miscarriage in September, a rep confirmed to Us.) Grammer's rep confirmed their engagement to Us on Dec. 6, noting the duo had "been engaged for a while." "I'm doing great," Grammer gushed of his newest love on Live with Regis and Kelly on Jan. 27. "This year's journey is about enhancing love in my life, and Kayte is responsible for a great deal of that."

The no-nonsense matriarch of England women's evolution When I meet Norma Izard, now a grey-haired lady of 83, it's possible to see more than just a glimpse of the woman who remains the longest-serving manager of any England cricket team, men's or women's, having experienced a nine-year stint in charge of England Women between 1984 and 1993. She retains a no-nonsense manner, even in her twilight years: "I set my standards high as manager," she says, "and I never deviated." "They learned in the end," she adds, ominously. Being manager of a women's side in the 1980s, even an international one, presented a somewhat different challenge to anything experienced by her male counterparts. Appointed in 1984, she was initially a combination of manager, coach, and physiotherapist, in the days when funds were tight and the still amateur Women's Cricket Association (WCA) could ill afford to send more than one non-player on international tours. That meant, she says, that she was "the representative of the WCA on tour, and we did it my way". It was Izard who ensured players were "correctly dressed" while on tour; she who enforced a 10pm curfew. Every detail of accommodation, travel and functions between games was taken care of by her. Once, during a tour of Australia, a player turned up still drunk to a state game after some rather over-zealous celebrations the night before; Izard subsequently banned all alcohol consumption for the remainder of the tour. She is full of tales, nonetheless, of player mischief under her rule. "I used to have to check for cling film on the toilet, grease on my door handles. Once someone sewed up the armhole of my nightdress. I never did find out who it was!" "The worst thing I ever had was in England in 1986, during the India tour. A couple of players were in the hotel jacuzzi and while they were in there, the others went in and took all their clothes and towels. The next thing we knew was these players coming down in the lift into the lounge in their bikinis. I said, 'Get back to your rooms before I get really cross!' "We had a match the next day, and they always had to wear their blazers at lunchtime. And one of the girls came in and got her blazer and I suddenly said, 'You're covered in white powder!' I examined all the other blazers, and someone had put talcum powder in the pockets. I had to empty it all out and it made such a mess. "I was not impressed," Izard recalls, grimly. One wonders quite how they dared. It was not a financially rewarding job - Izard was never paid a penny in her nine years as manager - but it was a way for her to help advance the cause of women's cricket, which she had long felt passionate about. She was born in Beckenham in 1933, and the first evidence of her love of cricket is a photograph of her at three years old, taken on the beach in Cornwall, cap perched on her head, bat aloft. Izard was an only child and it was her father - himself a cricketer for Cornwall - who instilled in her a passion for the game: "He made all my bats. He was always throwing the ball to me." She tells a moving story about the time when she was aged seven and had been evacuated to stay with grandparents in Cornwall during the Second World War. Her father was called away from a game of cricket in the garden to take a phone call. "I went in and he was on the settee crying his eyes out. He'd heard that our house in Beckenham had been bombed. Everybody in our terrace was killed. If my father hadn't been convalescing in Cornwall - he'd suffered bomb-blast injuries when on duty as a policeman - he'd have been there that night. "I couldn't understand why he was crying," she adds. "Cry over a house? I wanted to carry on playing cricket!" Later, when they had returned to Beckenham, she would accompany her father to his matches for the police force team: "When he wasn't batting, he would take me into the nets. The other men when they were out used to come along and join in. They always said, 'I'll get her out'. And they couldn't! That was my cricket coaching. There was no official stuff then." At 11 she went to Beckenham Grammar School and was thrilled to discover that they played cricket there. She made the school team as wicketkeeper, attended one of the first ever schoolgirls' coaching sessions held in Blackheath, Kent, in 1948, and was selected for the Kent Junior XI. By the time she was 17, she was playing for the senior Kent side, and had also joined the nearest club, Kent Nomads. Pitches, as the club name suggests, were rather hard to come by. She attended Dartford PE College, became a PE teacher, and got as far as being invited to England trials ahead of the 1957-58 tour to Australia and New Zealand. But "they had a wicketkeeper, and the team was pretty well picked". She had married in 1955, and decided to give up cricket in order to start a family; her two sons arrived soon afterwards. It was years later, with her sons grown up, that she became involved again, initially as manager of the first ever Junior England side, then as a national selector, then finally - when a vacancy arose - applying to become the manager of the full England side. "You were supposed to send your CV and all this sort of thing. I wrote a letter saying: 'I understand there may be a vacancy for manager. I wish to apply for it. I'm not putting any more on this letter because you know what I've done and what I can do!'" Wisely, the WCA executive chose to appoint her purely on that basis. The crowning glory of her time as manager - England's 1993 World Cup win at home - came at the end of her nine-year reign. Norma is modest about her own contribution to the team's success - "I was thrilled for them, but it wasn't a personal achievement for me. It was their win, not mine" - but it becomes obvious, talking to her, how fundamental she was to the result, working closely as she did with coach Ruth Prideaux. It was Izard who pushed for the appointment of a permanent England coach in the first place. "All the other international teams were getting in coaches, and I said to the WCA executive, 'It's no good having different coaches every week.'" Together she and Prideaux drew up a strenuous training programme in the build-up to the tournament, involving weekends spent in sleeping bags on Prideaux's living-room floor in Eastbourne. Izard insisted that, during the tournament itself, players must remain together for the duration: no returning to their jobs in between games, as had previously been the norm. "They'd never even done warm-ups before. Ruth started all that fitness stuff: we had a javelin coach come in, for their throwing, a dance class for footwork, a runner who taught them to run properly. And she got a sports psychologist to come and work with us too. It took the men a long time afterwards to adopt that." "We've done a lot of firsts in women's cricket," she adds, proudly. One thing is for sure: the players retain warm memories of Izard's time as manager, despite her reputation for strictness. The huge pile of thank-you cards she shows me, received at the end of each tour, is testament to that. "It was like being a parent to the players," she says of her management role. "And I think maybe being a real parent helped." Subsequently she served as the last ever president of the WCA, overseeing the eventual merger with the ECB in 1998, and being awarded the OBE for services to cricket in 1995. She recalls that, while president, she invited the prime minister at the time, John Major, who famously attended the 1993 World Cup final, to subsequent women's matches at Lord's. "The first time, he said: 'Don't introduce me to anybody while they're playing, because I want to watch!' He even put off a meeting because he wanted to watch the end of the game. Any other match I used to invite him, and he would come along sometimes. I'm still on kissing terms with him!" Perhaps her proudest moment, though, was being invited to become one of the first ever female members of the MCC in 1999. She shows me the letter from Roger Knight, MCC secretary then - "It gives me great pleasure to be able to advise you of the unanimous decision which was recently made by the Committee" - and tells me that she was the first female member to walk through the door into the pavilion: "I just happened to be standing by the door when the doorman said, 'Come on in.' So in I walked!" It was, she says, a very special day. Izard retains a strong interest in the women's game: she is still a trustee of Chance to Shine, and hopes to attend some World Cup matches this summer, when the current England squad will attempt to replicate the achievement of their 1993 counterparts and raise aloft the trophy at Lord's. It would be fair to say that - should they manage to do so - their efforts will have been built on the backs of the women who, in an amateur and far from glamorous era, pushed forward with no thought for anything except the game they loved. Women like Norma Izard. Raf Nicholson is an England supporter, a feminist, and has recently completed a doctoral thesis on the history of women's cricket. @RafNicholson

|Location:||Sunnydale & LA| |Relationships:||Cordelia Chase (friend); Spike (boyfriend); Angel (employer); Devon (boyfriend); Marcus Hamilton (lover)| |Click here for related articles on Fanlore.| Harmony Kendall is a recurring character in the Buffyverse, played by Mercedes McNab. Being a vampire sucks. —Harmony, 'The Harsh Light of Day' Harmony is a rich & pretty Sunnydale schoolgirl who is turned into a vampire at graduation. Subsequently she tries to be both good & evil, finding she sucks at both. She's Cordy's (ex-)friend & Spike's (ex-)girlfriend, and in S5 of Angel, she works as Angel's personal assistant at the law firm Wolfram & Hart. She survives 'Not Fade Away' and appears in the Buffyverse comics. Mainly used for comic relief, Harmony acts as a mirror for Cordelia without the visions & perhaps for Angel without the soul. Oh, and she adores unicorns. I barely noticed Harmony Kendall when she was simply one of the Cordettes. My interest in her as a character began with The Harsh Light of Day. As a vampire, Harmony had both pathos and likeability that she hadn’t shown as a human. She had vulnerability. She was no longer an undifferentiated member of the Cordettes; she was an individual character in her own right. She was funny, ditsy, yearning, and she tried. She tried so hard. (Spikendru) Harmony is a bit of a Marmite character. Some fans love her for the way she always tries so hard; others dislike her for being shallow & self-absorbed. Harmony bashing occurred after the character joined Angel. Harmony-centric fanworks are relatively rare, considering the breadth of her appearances and the fact she has a canonical relationship with Spike. In October 2004 there were only around 12 Harmony-centric stories in the Buffy Fiction Archive. Little (if anything?) was written about her before canon turned her into a vampire, and relatively few later stories explore her human existence. Her appearance as Spike's girlfriend in 'The Harsh Light of Day' sparked BtVS stories both set in Sunnydale and exploring the couple's past history. Angel-centric stories are usually set during her time at W&H, ignoring her earlier appearance in 'Disharmony'. By far her most common pairing is with Spike, and much gen fanfiction examines why Harmony tolerates abuse & belittling from him. Several other het pairings have also been written. There's a little femslash, with partners including Fred & Cordy. Fan art depictions of Harmony are relatively rare. Meta often concentrates on why her character changes relatively little when she becomes a vampire (unlike Angel), her loyalty and limited interest in evil, and whether she has the potential for redemption without a soul. There's also discussion of her arguably abusive relationship with Spike, which sometimes compares it with Spike's relationship with Buffy. - Lesbian Chic by Kate Bolin. Cordy/Harmony ficlet; a rare human-Harmony story (1999) - In Harm's Way by Yahtzee. A widely recommended early story (2000) - My So-Called Unlife by HonorH. Harmony comes to LA; written a few months before it happened in canon (2001) - France is that way? by Harry Lime. Early take on how Spike met Harmony (2001) - Card Sharp by Caro. Humour; Harmony/Parker Abrams (2003) - Harmonic Distortion by Irfikos. A relatively early Angel S5 story; humour (~2003) - Shagging Harmony Kendall by Indri. Poignant Spike/Harmony short (~2004) - I Can Roar, I'm a Woman by hold_that_thought. Harmony & Lorne (2004) - Pyromania by Speaker-to-Customers. A rare post-NFA story where Harmony gets to save the day (2004) - Pandora's Boxer: The Hungry Heart by Speaker-to-Customers. Spike-centric novel with a subplot in which it's Harmony who gets the chip; Harmony/Riley (2004) - Maturity by Alixtii. Harmony & Xander; a rare human-Harmony short (2004) - Gore-met by Jennifer-Oksana. Light-hearted character study (2004) - Her Beauty and Her Terror by ijemanja. Addams Family same actor crossover; Harmony/Wednesday (2007) - L.A. Confidential by Selena. Harmony becomes a PI (2014) - Empty by Barb Cummings. Dark Wesley/Harmony short (2014) - Harmony Kendall Mercedes McNab Angel / BtVS by TheDoThatGirl. Portrait in coloured pencils (2008) - Harmony Brushing her Fangs by Dr-Horrible. Pencil portrait in vamp-face (2009) - Harmony Kendall by ThisBirdTooHasFlown. Chibi-style digital art (2013) - Young, Hip and Beautiful by Primadonna (2003 or earlier) - You Don't Bring Me Flowers by SDWolfpup. Spike & Harmony (2004) - idol-reflection: Harmony Kendall (BtVS/AtS): The Littlest Vampire (accessed 12 September 2015) - Comment from Karabair in Reviews for Maturity (accessed 12 September 2015) - buffymeta: 39. (accessed 14 September 2015) - Angel & Buffy Fanfiction: Harmony Ficathon (accessed 12 September 2015)

After much deliberation, our distinguished panel of judges has selected this year’s winning films. Congratulations to all of the filmmakers and teams who participated. We are proud to announce our winners. Kudos to Creative Inlet Films for winning Best Film of 2014. Their film Dirty Justice will go on to represent Orlando against all the other city winners around the world at Filmapalooza 2015. There is strength in love. After doing his best a caring man finds that his faith was worth it. Hollywood lifestyle show goes behind the scenes of a major Hollywood blockbuster film. A dog. His Robot and Man. Following their wedding, Newlyweds lives are altered by a high stakes poker game. When in pursute of a fantasy no one can stand in your way. Traffic can get messy...when you're throwing your co-workers under the bus! A washed up detective takes down corrupt politicians and saves his sweethearts music program. Two women come together despite a tragic road accident In 2021, 99.9% of America is Mormon. Resisting conversion is harder than ever. A girl works to earn the praise of her older overbearing sister only to find she is a monster Back Jauer is back and teamed up with Agent Jen Jackson to flush out a dirty cop in their midst. A lover with a second chance to save a relationship with the help of a fairy. Zach's first day of guitar lessons confronts him with the world's worst music instructor. A Cuban student feels like a "fish out of water" when he falls in love with a girl in America. An out-of-touch superhero goes out on a limb trying to make a romantic connection. An on the go woman with no time to herself, is shown the magic that only a family can create. After a night of drinking, a self-entitled socialite finds herself captured by a bizarre cult. The student of a music instructor wakes in a wooden box to a horrible fate. A dating couple goes through a series of misfortune the night of their engagement. A young woman time jumps through the milestones of her life and learns to appreciate each moment. Notes from the past leave the pain unspoken

By: Kim Kastorff Being an entrepreneur certainly has its challenges - money, time, talent, niche, customers, technology, communication, leadership, focus, turnover - and the list goes on. With so many challenges, it is no wonder the failure rate is a whopping ~ 80% during the first 18 months, according to Forbes. Yet, we are hearing that many women are now generating higher revenues, greater returns on investment and are achieving high success rates - both in the U.S. and developing countries. So, then why are such few women starting businesses? Some plausible reasons are the dominance of men in engineering fields and tech industry; that less than 5% of women receiving VC funding; the lower acceptance rate for leading accelerator programs, and the relative lack of good mentors and support for women. Check out this March 2015 Q&A for more key insights from some of the top women VCs in the industry. As a woman entrepreneur, and founder of Kimpacto (a San Francisco-based Impact Investing Advisory firm working in the U.S., Europe & Latin America) - I have faced many of these challenges mentioned, and more. For these reasons, I have begun to mentor other women entrepreneurs, and to offer support regarding personal challenges and business goals. Over the years, I have been collaborating with numerous social impact organizations that support women entrepreneurs globally, one of which is Change Catalyst in San Francisco. My inspiring friend Melinda Briana Epler just provided a great "List of Accelerators for Women", as she continues to empower women leaders, specifically women in tech. So in our pursuit and mission to empower women, here are some additional programs, information and resources to help you become a successful woman entrepreneur - Accelerator & Training Programs for Women - Among the leading accelerators is Y Combinator, which according to Forbes, have a mere ~ 4% female founders. Given the low acceptance and application rate among women - it is no surprise that women-specific programs are in demand. We encourage you to check out these programs specifically tailored to women entrepreneurs: Astia is a community of over 1000 experts committed to building women leaders and accelerating the funding and growth of the companies they lead. Astia programs include providing access to capital, ensuring sustainable high-growth and developing the executive leadership of the women on the founding team. Prosper helps women get their ideas off the ground by offering training and mentoring during a 3-month program, in addition to providing capital investments annually. Count me in is a not-for-profit provider of business education and community support for women entrepreneurs desiring to turn their micro businesses into million dollar enterprises. Count Me In accelerates women’s business growth with online resources, live events, mentoring, peer exchange, technology support and business-building products. Springboard Enterprises provides a U.S.-based but global premier platform that helps women build ‘big businesses’ with 500+ women-led participants, raising more than $6.6 billion, plus thousands of jobs. Springboard’s success rate is impressive, with roughly 80% still in business. Entrepreneurial Winning Women Program is a national competition sponsored by Ernst & Young that selects high-potential women entrepreneurs and helps them scale. Newme Accelerator offers online mentoring from Silicon Valley experts and coaches, based on its mission to educate and empower tech entrepreneurs globally. Note: Currently undergoing a re-launch. Women’s Small Business Accelerator (WSBA) is an Ohio-based non-profit offering mentoring, education, shared office space, connections with other women, plus online support and resources. Merge Lane seeks to both accelerate and invest in women run business, and promise to offer support until it is no longer needed. The program includes a residency requirement, virtual mentoring, an early stage curriculum and personal executive coaching. Women Launch is a new program in 2015, which provides a Leadership & Entrepreneurial Accelerator Program (LEAP) that is tailored for women founders with busy lifestyles. Avinde is an Austin-based accelerator offering strong connections and relationships, as their core strength. Avinde’s founders are successful entrepreneurs with 25+ years of experience leading multimillion dollar ventures. Other Networks, Resources & Conferences for Women - Ogunte - a global platform for connecting and helping women social entrepreneurs make a positive impact on our people & planet. Women’s Venture Capital Fund - currently expanding the pipeline and increasing the VC funding rate for women. Women 2.0 - provides networking events every month around the country, and a conference in the fall. SOCAP - a global impact investing conference held in November in San Francisco, which includes gender related themes for social investors and entrepreneurs. Anita Borg Institute - promotes women in computing and technology and organizes the Grace Hopper conference in Houston, Texas in October. To all the women entrepreneurs (or those thinking about it) - please know there is a lot of support for you and opportunities are expanding. This week, the U.S. Supreme Court recognized equal rights in allowing same sex marriage. Just maybe this momentum will also lead to changes for women in the workplace (i.e. equal job offers, promotions, pay). Still today, women hold very few board seats and many also maintain their traditional responsibilities at home - and as you know, the list of challenges and demands is far greater. Yet, some of us continue to follow our dreams. Without a doubt, I am confident that together we can create sustainable and permanent change, and provide equal freedom and empowerment for women around the world. Finally, my dream is to allow other women to follow their dreams. So, please reach out to share your thoughts or ideas, or to seek help or connections. I would love to support your dreams! Sending much love to all the women entrepreneurs around the world ~ Kim Kastorff has 15+ years of international finance experience and two Masters degrees - MBA and a Masters of Research in Impact Investing. Specific areas of expertise are in banking, financial and investment services, energy and sustainability, consulting, and financial education. Years ago, I told my students the purpose of business is to "Maximize shareholder returns." Today, it seems that stakeholders care about both "Maximizing financial + social impact." So, I am dedicated to helping impact investors and entrepreneurs adjust and remain competitive in this new environment. My goal is to promote impact investing and financial inclusion as we collectively strive for a more educated and financially sustainable global environment.

Thursday, October 17, 2019 Rabbi Gerry Ginsburg Sermon for First Night of Rosh Hashanah It is so good to be back at my home, Temple Beth El, and as a rabbi, and speaking here again at Rosh HaShannah services. It’s been a long journey, seven years since I started rabbinical school, including the last four years when I was a student rabbi in Port Chester, NY, Milford, CT and Glens Falls, NY. It is good to be home. I went to rabbinical school a little bit later in life than some, but all of the lessons I learned in my business and personal life prior to the academy only helped, hopefully, to make me a better rabbi now. There were several very special events in my life this past year, you might call them super events. First, in February, I was at the Super Bowl in Atlanta, with my New England Patriots playing the Los Angeles Rams. You probably know the result of the game, but that is not the reason I am mentioning it. I mention it because it was really a super weekend with my son, Sam, who is now 33 years old. We spent four full days together talking, getting to know each other even better, taking in Atlanta, eating and, yes, seeing a football game. For those wondering if I also take my daughter, Ruth, to football games, the answer is yes. We have gone to Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, together, on many occasions. For those of you who have never spent a long weekend with your adult child, I would encourage you to do it. Sam and I had the wonderful city of Atlanta as our backdrop and were able to spend some very super, quality time together. The second event is one which I truthfully only remember in bits and pieces. I was present, but it was really hard to concentrate on the event. It was such an incredible day, one that I could not plan for, but rather just had to experience. That was my rabbinical ordination from the Academy for Jewish Religion, which many friends and relatives attended, including many from Temple Beth El, and a post-ceremony party. That ceremony capped those long years of studying everything from Genesis to the philosophy of Abraham Joshua Heschel, from the book of Job to the mystical book Sefer HaYitzera, from Biblical and Modern Hebrew to Pastoral Counseling. I almost cannot remember the ordination as it was a very deep and mystical experience for me. I am very fortunate to have a video, so I can clearly re-live it. That day was certainly not the end to my path of Jewish study, far from it, but it was a very significant point along the path. Certainly after such stress, I needed vacation, and spent two weeks this summer in the Berkshires, which is a very special place for my wife, Fran, and me. We get to relax, spread out in our summer place, while packing our schedules with too many concerts at Tanglewood and plays in Pittsfield and Williamstown. We see more and do more in those two weeks, I think, than we do the remainder of the year. I don’t think I’m unusual in that most everything I see, I see through a special lens, for me a rabbinic lens. Our experiences form our opinions and views. This is true for everyone, teachers, lawyers, doctors and … rabbis. So as I go to plays I view a lot of what happens on stage through my Jewish experience. One of the plays we saw was Thornton Wilder’s The Skin of Our Teeth. While I suppose someone could watch that and prepare a sermon on the beginning of the world, I will not even try. The play combines the story of creation with the end of the world, so I will let you see that on your own, and create your own talk. But two plays made profound impressions on me, impressions which resound with me as we start the Yammim Noraim, these High Holydays. Both are plays we saw at The Williamstown Theater Festival. They are the classic Ibsen play, Ghosts, and a new American play, Before the Meeting. Some may claim that there are supernatural characters on the stage during Ghosts, such as Caspar the Ghost of the old cartoon series, or the bloody head warning Macbeth of the return of Macduff. But I don’t see that. I see the ghosts as allegories, explanations on how lives were lived. In Ghosts, the wife, Mrs. Alving, the matriarch, specifically kept her son, Oswald, away from the details of her late husband’s life. She sent him to boarding school at the age of seven so he would not learn of his father’s errant ways. Now, with her adult son’s return home from living apart for many years, she still tries her best to keep all of the details from him, until it is impossible not to tell him. She is far from the only blemished fruit in this play. Her son Oswald falls in love with the young woman who is the maid at his mother’s house, only to shockingly discover that she is his sister. And this play is Danish, not Greek. The maid, Regina, flees that house in a huff, never to see Oswald again. One of the central characters with his own checkered past is a priest, Pastor Mendes, from a nearby town. He was in love with Mrs. Alving many years ago, and I think some of that feeling is still within him. He’s in charge of the local orphanage which is scheduled to receive a large donation from the Alving family. Before the Meeting, by Adam Bock, is a new play which describes what occurs before the daily Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Every day, Gail and the regular members of her early morning group set up for their meeting in the exact same way: Nicole makes the coffee, Gail arranges the chairs, and Ron complains. And I don’t think he is even Jewish! As they forge a path toward sobriety and well-being, they come to rely on the routine and on each other. But when Gail’s estranged granddaughter reopens old family wounds, Gail knows it will take more than coffee, chairs, and companionship to keep her life from falling apart. Each one of the characters hides things from their past from their close friends. Gail is, if you will, the crew chief. She has a long soliloquy in which she shares the mistakes in her life, her mistakes on raising her daughter, and the very serious error in planning to get together with her granddaughter, without the mother knowing. While this is not real life, it is real life imagined as a play. The characters in Ghosts are of Danish stock and live in Denmark. Before the Meeting is set somewhere in the United States and its cast of characters are all middle or lower middle class, who have never been to Denmark. But what these people all share, regardless of where they live, their upbringing, place in society, or family status is that they have all made mistakes in their lives. Serious mistakes, ordinary mistakes, mistakes which they did not know were mistakes at first. Let me say this in a slightly different way – they missed the mark. And, many of them, to their credit, tried to atone for their sins. For this is the way of the world. This is the human experience. People sin, people make mistakes, people sometimes do not care about the feelings of their friends and relatives. It’s up to the theater critics to review the play and understand the playwright’s resolution of their sins. Do they veer off the path repeatedly? Do they atone at all, are they sorry for what they have done, do they learn from their mistakes? Jews are taught that one can atone for one’s sins up until one’s last day on earth. It’s never too late to start. My constant companion in the month of Elul was the book, This is Real and You are Completely Unprepared, The Days of Awe as a Journey of Transformation, by Rabbi Alan Lew, z”l. He asks, “Will we let in the truth we have been walling out all year long and let this truth help us to stop making the same mistakes again and again? Will we let this moment of consciousness help us break the unconscious momentum of our lives? Will we move from a state of siege to a state of openness, to a state of truthfulness, especially with ourselves?” Every day we open our prayers with the words: אֱלהַי. נְשָׁמָה שֶׁנָּתַתָּ בִּי טְהורָה הִיא The soul that you have given me, Adonai, is pure. We start with that pureness, that almost angelic sense of being, and life happens. There is always the yetzer harah and yetzer hatov around us; the evil inclination and the good inclination. We could not exist without both, for things like creativity come from a mixture of evil and good, and creativity is vitally important in our lives. But it’s all about balance, it’s all about keeping everything in check. It is possible for us to be too good, I suppose, but it is very easy to be too bad, to let that evilness take over the balance. And it’s not that we mean to live our lives outside of purity, outside of balance. But things happen. Sometimes willingly but often times unwillingly or unconsciously. The next few days will be spent with the Al Chet prayers; for the sin we have sinned against You knowingly or unknowingly. Atone. It is a word which was used first in English in the late 16th century, meaning to "be in harmony, agree, be in accordance,". Think of the word atone as a combination of the words at and one. At One. The meaning to "make up for errors or deficiencies" and that of "make reparations" are from the 17th century. If you are at one, your are at peace with yourself and your life. But that is the English. In Hebrew the concept has been taught since the time of the Bible, Shuva … return. The opening line from this Shabbat’s Haftarah from Hosea hits the nail on the head: שׁ֚וּבָה יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל עַ֖ד השם אֱלֹהֶ֑יךָ כִּ֥י כָשַׁ֖לְתָּ בַּעֲוֺנֶֽךָ׃ Return, O Israel, to the LORD your God, For you have fallen because of your sin. For the act of returning is the act of atonement. And the act of returning is, indeed, a good thing. Sin and repentance are part of this human condition. “The Torah stresses the essential duality of human nature: we’re usually ruled by nature and submit to its imperatives, but we also can shape our own futures through acts of will and intelligence,” wrote Jewish demographer Gary Rubin. “From its very beginning, the Torah sets forth both possibilities. How we turn out is largely up to each of us.” In a play, it is possible to develop characters who do not sin or sin continuously. For us, life is somewhere in between. The movie Casualties of War by David Rabe tells the story of a squad of soldiers which fought in the Vietnam War. It is based on a true story. While there the soldiers both saw and participated in some terrible crimes. One of their crimes was to abduct and rape a young Vietnamese girl. The lead role in the film is played by Michael J. Fox. He takes on the character of Private Erikson, a soldier who is part of the squad but did not join in the abduction and rape. As he struggles with what happened, he says to the other men in his squad, “Just because each of us might at any second be blown away, we’re acting like we can do anything we want, as though it doesn’t matter what we do. I’m thinking it’s just the opposite. Because we might be dead in the next split second, maybe we have to be extra careful what we do. Because maybe it matters more. Maybe it matters more than we ever know.” As his character said: Maybe it matters more than we ever know. It matters more than we ever know because life is so complex, so inter-related. What we do affects us, but also others, and impacts their lives and relationships. We need to be honest and upfront and always do our best. Do we have time to help those less fortunate by giving and serving meals to the needy? By donating to our Kol Nidre food drive? By helping tutor those who do not speak English? By picking up trash we find at the curbside? Can we volunteer our time in any one of thousands of ways in Stamford and in our region? Our answer has to be yes. We are citizens of this earth and must help to make it a better place. This is tikkun olam. We need to work at our jobs and in our households to nourish and protect our families. But we also know that we are not alone on earth, that we are part of a large global family. That includes Ibsen’s Danish characters and those people at the AA meeting working their way out of alcoholism and other family problems. One of my favorite Chasidic rebbes is Nachman of Bretzlav, who lived in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. In his short life he wrote many volumes of philosophy. On repentence he said: “The greatest revelation of God’s glory comes when those who are furthest of all from Him draw closer; then His Name is exalted and honored above and below. It is a duty for everyone to make efforts to draw people closer to God. And no one should say, “How can I come closer to God seeing that I am so removed from Him because of my wrongdoing?” On the contrary, the further away a person is, the more God’s glory is exalted through Him when he makes an effort to return and draw close.” This is the lesson of the High Holydays, these ten days of Repentance. No matter who we are, no matter how far we have strayed, we can return. And, many of us, I believe, have not strayed that far. We are in need of fine tuning, in need of getting our lives closer to that bullseye and hitting that mark. This holiday is also a time to be with family and friends, in addition to prayer. Be with them. Talk with them. Enjoy them. Draw closer to them. Let this Rosh HaShannah be your best ever. On behalf of me and my family, my wife Fran, and my children Ruth and Sam, and their partners Kim and Rae, I want to wish you Shannah Tovah u’Metukah, a very happy and very sweet New Year, filled with much love and peace. Keyn Yehi Ratzon. Posted by Joshua Hammerman

We've come a long way in a few short years when it comes to gay rights. It's been baby steps, but from homosexuality being legalized we progressed to civil unions, and now more recently we've seen the idea of same-sex marriage slowly gaining legality and acceptance around the world. Here are 50 same gender couples who are engaged or married, some of these may surprise you! Although we're still waiting on many countries around the world to catch up, Great Britain legalized same-sex marriage in 2014, followed a year later by the United States of America. The legal rulings prompted tears of joy, celebrations and, of course, fabulous weddings on both sides of the pond. Our favorite celebrities are like the rest of us when it comes to falling in love. We fall for who we fall for, and that's the way it is. Plenty of same-sex celebrity couples are taking advantage of their new rights by getting engaged or married. Not every state of the USA had to wait until 2015 for gay marriage to reach them; some of the more progressive states started the party much earlier. One of them was New York, which meant that Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka could finally start planning their big day. As it happens, they've been planning it for longer than any of us realized. They 'officially' announced their engagement after the marriage bill passed, but they'd privately been engaged for a full have years, waiting for the law to change before they told everyone their news. They could have gone elsewhere to get married, so they must really have wanted to register in New York! They didn't stay there to actually tie the knot though. We're happy to report that they went on to get married in Italy in 2014 and are now parents to twin children named Harper and Gideon. How often have you found yourself scrolling through Instagram, stopped on an amazing picture of someone you don't know, and thought 'I should contact that person and tell them how amazing they look'. Most of us don't do it out of fear we'd sound insane. Ellen Page did it when she first saw a picture of dance and choreographer Emma Portner, and within a year they were married! Actress Page says she 'just knew they shared the same creative spirit' when she saw Portner's picture, and was compelled to get in touch. We're sure the fact that she's also very good looking helped a little with that decision! They occasionally release cute videos together on Instagram, with Portner dancing to Page's guitar playing. Their first contact came online in 2017, and they married on January 3rd, 2018. We know it's still early days, but they look very happy together! It took a long time for Ricky Martin to pluck up the courage to come out as gay. He first broke into the music scene in the mid-90s and thrilled female audience everywhere, shaking his hips to pop classics like 'La Vida Loca'. Rumors about his sexuality never left him alone though, and in 2010 he finally went public with his sexuality. Now he's making up for lost time! Martin proposed to his long-term boyfriend Jwan Yosef in 2016, going on to describe the process to a thrilled Ellen DeGeneres on her show in November of that year. It doesn't sound like the most romantic proposal in the world; he actually said, "I got you something!" instead of "Will you marry me?", but it worked! The couple kept the details of their wedding ceremony secret, but in January 2018 Martin confirmed on his Instagram account that he's now married, so the ceremony must have occurred at some point within the previous twelve months. Although it was wonderful to see the reaction of all the young people to same-sex marriage becoming legal, it was truly emotional to see the impact it had on the older generation. For same-sex couples of a certain age, they've gone from having to hide their sexuality due to fear of prosecution to finally having equal rights to a heterosexual couple. It's a battle they've fought all their lives, and now they've won. It doesn't matter how old you are; you can still enjoy the spoils of that victory. Ask Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner. Actress and comedian Tomlin has been in a relationship with writer Wagner for over forty years. Tomlin is now in her late 70s, and Wagner is in her 80s. They've been waiting for almost their entire lives to get married, and they were finally able to do so in December 2013 in Los Angeles. The star of RuPaul's Drag Race, which is the most over-the-top and in-your-face reality TV show you could ever imagine, seems to treat his private life very differently to his public persona. RuPaul is the star of any room she walks into, but the man behind the character keeps the secrets of his love-life closely guarded. So closely in fact that he got married, and none of his fans noticed at the time! We don't know precisely when or where it happened, but when the law changed to allow same-sex couples to marry, RuPaul didn't sashay away. During a live interview with Hollywood Today in 2017, he mentioned in passing that he was married to Georges LeBar, his partner of over 20 years. Realizing he'd let the cat out of the bag, he paused and said "I don't think I've ever set that on television before. We're married". That gave his interviewer a bigger story than they were expecting that day! Jodie Foster is another big star who's had to put up with years of speculation about her sexuality during a time when it would have been less socially acceptable to be publicly gay. Rumors about her started as early as 1991, when rights activists took exception to what they saw as homophobic themes in her hit movie 'Silence of the Lambs' and tried to paint her as a hypocrite for appearing in the film. She never publicly responded to the claims, only acknowledging that she was in a relationship with a woman for the first time during a speech at a charity event in 2007. Foster was in a relationship with Cydney Bernard for years, a relationship that led to the birth of two sons, but it ended only a year after she came out. She's since found happiness with photographer and fellow actress Alexandra Hedison, who she started dating in 2011 and went on to marry in the April of 2014. A huge number of romantic relationships begin at work, and that was the case for actress Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli. Wiley is best known for her starring role as Poussey Washington in the Netflix smash hit 'Orange Is the New Black'. Morelli isn't quite as a big a household name, but there would be no 'Orange Is the New Black' without her; she's one of the show's most senior writers. Wiley comes from a religious family. Both of her parents are pastors, but they're thankfully open-minded, and both of them have been hailed as outstanding examples of pro-LGBT voices among religious people. Having a gay daughter will surely have helped to inform them of that perspective. Wiley and Morelli married in March of 2017. Later that year, Out Magazine honored her as one of the 100 icons of that year for her work as a campaigner and a visible mainstream gay presence. The road to acceptance has been a difficult one for 'Teen Wolf' star Colton Haynes. He was effectively outed by the press as having a 'secret gay past' on the basis of some old comments he'd made in a Tumblr account before he became famous. The subsequent press speculation forced him to take three months off work with severe anxiety, but he gained the confidence to overcome it, and publicly came out in May 2016. Shortly afterwards he started a relationship with celebrity florist Jeff Leathem. It was Jeff who popped the question with a little help from a superstar friend; he asked Cher to record a video to help him with the proposal and had it played on a big screen at a fireworks party in 2017. Colton said yes! The road to true love has been difficult; they filed for divorce in mid-2018 but were able to reconcile before their first anniversary. Celebrity same-sex married couples don't come much better known than Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi. They've been together - and married - for more than a decade now. They held their ceremony at their home in Los Angeles in 2008 and then had to watch as California wrestled for years over whether it legally recognized such unions or not. Happily enough, the final ruling came down on their side. The relationship between DeGeneres and de Rossi - who we should really also call 'DeGeneres' after she legally petitioned to have her name changed to reflect her marriage in 2010 - looks to be one of the happiest in Hollywood. They've even tried to go vegan together, although de Rossi later reverted back to vegetarianism because she couldn't fully commit to it. They don't have any children and don't plan to, but they do share their home with a small zoo of rescue animals. Matt Bomer and Simon Halls actually got in ahead of the crowd but kept a lid on it for a long time while they waited for the law to catch up with them! The two were wed in 2011 but didn't make their marriage public knowledge until Bomer gave an interview to Details Magazine in April 2014. Not only are they married, but they have three sons together; namely Henry, Walker and Kit. Keeping quiet about the marriage must have gone against nature for Halls; he's a professional publisher, so telling people all the latest and most exciting news is what he does for a living! Discussing the wedding in an interview, Bomer describes it as a small event in New York, deliberately scaled down to close friends and family because the couple wanted to maintain a feeling of intimacy. As with many others on this list, Bomer has been recognized by the LGBT community for his work as an activist. News just in, Jenna Wolfe and Stephanie Gosk are married! The two NBC news presenters have been together for a long time, having met because of their jobs and ended up working for the same company. The sporty couple are well known for covering the Olympics and other major events, and given their interests and the shape they're in we bet they've got a home gym that's better than the one that most people pay to visit. They've done a good job of keeping details of their marriage out of the public eye. We know they're married, but we don't know when it happened. We presume it occurred before 2013, as that's when Wolfe first came out, referring to Gosk as her wife in the process. What we can say for sure is that they have two daughters; Harper Estelle was born in August 2013, and Quinn Lily was born in February 2015. Daniel Franzese may have been waiting for the laws around gay marriage to be relaxed before he finally felt comfortable telling the world who he really was. The 'Mean Girls' star and stand-up comedian came out in 2014 and revealed that he'd been in a long-term relationship with stylist Joseph Bradley Phillips for years. They didn't immediately get engaged though; that moment didn't arrive until a full two years later, when Franzese excitedly confirmed the news in a post on Instagram. Once upon a time you announced a wedding with a small advert in the local press; now social media does it all for you! Not every engagement has a happy ending, sadly. Franzese and Phillips were engaged for two years, but never made it as far as their wedding day. Their engagement was broken off in July 2018. We wish them nothing but the best for the future and hope they both meet their 'forever' match soon. It was a case of Same-Sex in the City when star actress Cynthia Nixon and wife Christine Marinoni committed themselves to each other in New York in May 2012. They'd already chosen the perfect place to get engaged, doing it publicly in the middle of a same-sex marriage support rally in 2009 which also happened in New York. The couple has one son together named Max, who joins Cynthia's son and daughter from her previous relationship with Danny Mozes. Nixon never officially 'came out' citing the fact that she thinks sexual orientation is no longer relevant. In her own words, she went from being in love with a man to being in love with a woman, and it felt the same both times. As well as lending her voice to pro LGBT causes and hosting fundraisers for them, she's also a passionate cancer awareness campaigner, having personally suffered with breast cancer in the past. British Olympic diver turned TV star Tom Daley had had to put up with speculation about his sexuality long before it was appropriate or the press to be asking those kinds of questions - he first found fame in his mid-teens due to his exceptional athletic abilities. In 2013 he met screenwriter Lance Dustin Black and the two began dating; Daley has since said that this was the first time he realized he was bisexual. Taking the old-school route to announce his engagement, Daley had an advert placed in the Times of London newspaper in his home city in 2015. They married at the beautiful Bovey Castle in Devon, England in May 2017, and have since welcomed the birth of their first child through surrogacy; a son they've named Robert Black-Daley. Daley has stated in interviews that he doesn't consider himself to be gay, and still experiences 'sexual feelings' towards women. We hope he doesn't act on them! US Soccer star Abby Wambach is one of the most prolific and successful players ever to represent her country at the sport. Between 2001 and 2015 she pulled on the US jersey 256 times, scoring an incredible 184 goals. She's also no stranger to the idea of same-sex marriage. In fact, she's tied the knot twice! She was an early adopter of the idea, marrying long term partner and fellow soccer player Sarah Huffman in 2013. That marriage ended in 2016 when she met Glennon Doyle Melton, a Christian novelist and activist. Melton was also married previously, to a former model named Craig Melton with whom she had three children. Wambach and Melton fell in love quickly and intensely and went from confirming their relationship in November 2016 to being married by May 2017. They're still together, which we'll take as evidence that whirlwind romances sometimes can last. Wanda Sykes, a longtime writer for Chris Rock, has been recognized numerous times as one of the funniest women in America. She's also something of an icon for gay women. Sykes was raised in a traditional household and struggled with her identity for some time, marrying and having two children with a man in the 1990s. After her divorce she felt it was important to come out as gay after California passed Proposition 8, which she felt was unacceptable. The decision to come out was difficult for her parents to take, and after Sykes married her French girlfriend Alex Niedbalski in 2009 there was a period of estrangement. The birth of the couple's twin son and daughter in 2011 helped to build bridges, and we're happy to report that the relationship has been rebuilt. Sykes continues to be a loud and proud campaigner for gay rights. Some of the couples on this list actually married well in advance of the general law changing in their favor and let the way for others, even if their union was destined to fail in the end. That was the case for ice skater and fashion designer Johnny Weir and his former partner Victor Voronov. Weir, no stranger to controversy, married Voronov in New York in 2011. New York State was an early adopter of gay marriage, which led to many couples travelling there to legitimize their relationships. They filed for and were granted a divorce in 2015 after experiencing what they termed 'domestic difficulties'. Although widely assumed to be gay, Weir only came out just before his marriage, citing a recent spate of suicides among young gay men as the reason why. His hope that if he could even help one person come to terms with their own identity, it would be worth it. Jillian Michaels and Heidi Rhoades have been a couple for a long, long time. It was no surprise that they became engaged after the laws relaxed enough to allow them to do it; it was more of a shock that they didn't get around to it until 2016! To be fair to Michaels it was a major event for her, and it took her time to work out how she wanted to go about it. The physical and mental process of working up to the proposal was covered in detail in 'Just Jillian', the E! reality show that follows the daily life of the ultra-fit personal trainer. It was an emotional affair when it finally happened, leaving both Michaels and Rhoades, a Hollywood talent manager, in tears. The proposal looked to bring a sense of completeness to their lives; they'd now be married as well as having their two children together, a son named Phoenix and a daughter named Lu. Coming out as gay was a decision that country music singer Chely Wright wrestled with from the age of 8 all the way through her adult life. She dated men despite not being attracted to them, because she thought that was what she was supposed to do. She'd been raised in a very religious household and had been taught that homosexuality was immoral and deviant, and so she chose to keep her feelings to herself. After years of struggling, she came out to her family in 2004, and to the public in 2007; despite fearing that it might end her country music career. LGBT advocate Lauren Blitzer is the lucky woman who she married in 2011, in a private ceremony in Connecticut that was blessed by both a priest and a rabbi. The couple has twin sons together whom Wright carried herself, born in 2013. A film about her experiences with being gay, named 'Wish Me Away' was released in 2011. Rosie O'Donnell has been a gay icon on a huge scale ever since she came out in 2002, stating proudly that she was a 'dyke', and she had no idea why people make such a huge fuss about sexuality. Since then she's lent her voice to hundreds of pro-gay causes, always making a point to stand up whenever she sees someone being oppressed. The story of her marriage is a cute one with a sad ending. She met Michelle Rounds in Starbucks and immediately took a liking to her, and they became engaged after only a few months of dating in December 2011. Six months later they married in a private ceremony, going on to adopt a daughter in January 2013. The relationship didn't last, and they separated in 2015. This was O'Donnell's second same-sex marriage; her first came in San Francisco in 2004 but was annulled by the state when it reversed its stance on the issue later in the same year. The legalization of same-sex marriage in New York State was a big thing for Michael Kors and his long-time partner, Lance LePere. Getting married was important to both of them, but it was made all the more special by the fact that New York's early adoption of gay marriage meant that they could tie the knot in their home state, at a private gathering with their friends and family present. Their big day came very soon after the law permitted it, taking place in the Hamptons in August 2011. Kors' decision to have a small ceremony surprised some of his closest friends; the super-successful fashion designer is known to have a personal fortune in excess of $1bn, so he could have really pushed the boat out if he felt like it! There's something to be said for retaining an air of privacy and intimacy for a wedding though, even if you are one of the richest and most famous people on the celebrity circuit. Ryan Murphy, creator of the hit TV show 'Glee', had already been in a relationship with photographer David Miller for years when New York opened the doors to same-sex marriage. The couple got engaged that year but waited a little later to get married, tying the knot in a ceremony in July 2012. They welcomed their first son Logan in 2012, and a second son named Ford in 2014, both via surrogates. Murphy has been known and respected for years for his work in raising AIDS awareness, donating both time and money to the cause and winning a number of awards for his tireless efforts on the subject. He's managed to reconcile his sexuality with the fact that he was raised Catholic and continues to be a practicing Catholic, still attending church on occasion. Former NSYNC star Lance Bass and his husband Michael Turchin must have really enjoyed the romance of getting engaged, because they did it twice! Bass first started dating actor and artist Turchin in 2011 and went on to get engaged in September 2013. For whatever reason, they confirmed they'd got engaged a second time in September 2014 (perhaps there was a brief fall-out!) and proceeded to get married in the December of that year. In 2018, having been happily married and settled for four years, they decided the time was right to extend their family, and welcomed their first child through a surrogate. Bass and Turchin made history during their wedding ceremony; they exchanged their vows on a specially-filmed reality television show which was broadcast on E! in February 2015. When it was transmitted they became the first same-sex couple to have their marriage recorded and shown on cable television. Best known for his starring role as the title character in the hit ABC Family show 'Kyle XY', Matt Dallas has been married to his long-term partner, musician Blue Hamilton, since 2015. The couple had been together for five years before deciding to make things formal and have since gone on to adopt two-year-old son Crow, who was announced to the world in late 2015 on the couple's official YouTube channel. That's a sign of the times! With many of the couples we've seen so far, one of the pairing is more famous than the other, but that isn't necessarily the case for Dallas and Hamilton. Hamilton has a showbusiness career of his own as a singer-songwriter. He got into the music industry the back-to-front way; he was initially a record company executive before he got the musical bug himself and started recording his own tracks in 2012. We bet that Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent enjoy their married life in the most fabulous home anywhere in West Hollywood. Both Berkus and Brent are interior designers working in the upper echelons of their trade, and so we should expect they both took a personal interest in making sure their forever home was perfect. We wonder who got the final say on design features? Berkus and Brent were engaged after a year of dating in April 2013 and went on to marry in Manhattan in May 2014. They've since welcomed two children via surrogacy and made a little history when it comes to glossy magazines. When Rolling Stone magazine carried a Banana Republic advert featuring the pair wearing the store's clothing in early 2014, they became the first same-sex couple to appear in an advert within the magazine in its long history. Actress and talk-show host Sara Gilbert came up with one of the most quirky and charming ideas we've ever heard for a proposal when she asked for the hand of per long-term partner Linda Perry in April 2013. The couple went out to enjoy a picnic, only for Perry to find that they were suddenly surrounded by musicians playing 'Lovesong' by the Cure. Gilbert then put on a series of t-shirts, each one with a word on it. In order, they said 'will', 'you' 'marry' and then 'me'! Obviously, Perry said yes. The musical proposal would have resonated with Perry, who found fame herself as the lead singer of 4 Non Blondes in the 80s and 90s. Perry and Gilbert have now been married since March 2014 and have welcomed a son named Rhodes during that time. We're not sure if this counts as using a platform to send a message of strength or hijacking an event, but either way we approve of the style in which Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Justin Mikita announced their engagement! The Modern Family star and his lawyer husband sent a video message of support to the charity foundation Tie the Knot (who support marriage equality) in 2012 and used the opportunity to confirm they were betrothed. They went on to marry in July 2013. As with many people from conservative backgrounds, Ferguson had to struggle to persuade his parents to accept his sexuality. He recalls having to tell his father he was gay at 17, again at 19, and a third time at 21 before he could finally persuade him to accept it. Ferguson was understanding about this, saying that coming out was an adjustment for both an individual and their family. Melissa Etheridge has been fighting the good fight for LGBT rights and same-sex marriage for longer than some people reading this will have been alive. The singer-songwriter first came out in 1993 at the Triangle Ball, which was an event set up by the gay community to celebrate Bill Clinton's election as President. Since then she's had many prominent same-sex relationships, including one in the 1990s which resulted in children thanks to a sperm donation from music star David Crosby. The woman she's settled down with for life is actress and writer Linda Wallem. The couple were born on the same day, and married in California in 2014, two days after they'd both celebrated their 53rd birthday. Etheridge is still active in the world of music, although working with her wife she now also creates cannabis-infused wine, which has been very popular with buyers since marijuana was legalized in California in the year she was married. Jonathan Knight's route to becoming known as gay was a strange one; he was rumored to be in a relationship with pop star Tiffany in the early 1990s; the same time he was lighting up the charts as part of New Kids on The Block. He denied the rumor and was 'outed' as gay by the National Enquirer in 2009. Knight responded by saying he'd never denied being gay, it's just that nobody had bothered to ask him directly before! He's been in a relationship with Harley Rodriguez since 2008; the pair appeared together on the reality TV show 'The Amazing Race' and immediately hit it off. It took until 2016 for Knight to get around to proposing, which he later explained on 'The Jenny McCarthy Show' was a spur-of-the-moment decision while the couple were on holiday in Africa with their parents. It felt like the right time to do it, and so he did. There's no news yet on a date for the wedding, but it's sure to be quite a party! Elton John and David Furnish are one of the longest-standing same-sex couples anywhere in the celebrity spotlight. They've been together for years and have moved with the times as the laws on same-sex unions have changed in Britain. When civil partnerships were legalized, which were a formal way of recognizing a same-sex relationship that stopped just short of marriage, they bound themselves together that way in 2008. Pop and rock legend John was never going to miss out on the opportunity to have another big party though, and so when the law changed again and allowed full marriages, they finally had their biggest of big days in December 2014. They're also parents to two sons together; Elijah and Zachary. John is looking to retire from music after one final world tour, so soon they'll be able to put their feet up and focus on the rest of their lives together. Acting power couple Cheyenne Jackson and Jason Landau have been married since September 2014, having got engaged in the February of that year. That's not a long run-up period to the wedding, so someone must have got very busy with planning during that time! Two years after the wedding they welcomed twins into their family; a boy and a girl. This is actually Jackson's second same-sex marriage. His first was with physicist Monte Lapka, who he'd been with since 2000. They were married in 2011 but filed for divorce in 2013; the same year Jackson overcame his alcohol addiction and became sober. He announced that he was dating Landau only a month after his divorce was granted, which suggests that he moved on rather quickly! The announcement of the new engagement came via Instagram, as we've seen from so many other stars on this list already. The star of 'The Big Bang Theory' may be a little awkward about romantic relationships in the show, but in reality, Jim Parsons lives a happy married life with his husband Todd Spiewak. In fact, he's described married life in some of the most relatable terms we've ever seen. Discussing his marriage to graphic designer Spiewak in an interview, Parsons called it "an act of love, coffee in the morning, going to work, washing the clothes, taking the dogs out-a regular life, boring love". We don't think there's anything boring about that; it's the little things that life is all about. The couple runs Wonderful Productions together and have produced campaigns for huge companies such as Pepsi and Bankmed. When one of you can act and write and the other can create beautiful designs, it's a perfect mix of business and pleasure! In the time we live in, we're glad to say that most developed countries and industries accept gay people and treat them equally to heterosexuals. Unfortunately though, many sports are lagging behind the times, and boxing is one of them. As a 'macho' sport filled with stereotypical tough guys, even ten years ago it would have been difficult to imagine a prominent boxer publicly declaring they were gay. And then Orlando Cruz happened. Cruz, a Puerto Rican boxer who has represented his country at the Olympics and won the IBA World Featherweight Championship, came out as gay in 2013, marrying his longtime partner Jose Manuel. He's continued to fight since and was an inaugural entrant into the National Gay and Lesbian Sports Hall of Fame when it opened. His impact as a role model for gay people in Puerto Rica has been enormous. One sport (or form of entertainment, depending on how you look at it) that's had even fewer gay representatives than boxing is professional wrestling. Gay characters have been used in WWE, but in the past the portrayal has tended to be mocking or done for laughs. When WWE superstar Darren Young came out in 2013, that changed. The WWE issued a public statement offering Young their support, and he's gone on to be an ambassador for young people struggling with their identity, working in partnership with his husband Nick Villa. Although some wrestlers have come out as gay in the past, they've usually waited until their career was over before making the admission. Young was under contract to WWE when he came out, and continued wrestling for them for some time afterwards. Many of his colleagues Tweeted support for him when he made his announcement, and it's now hoped he may have opened doors for others in the industry to come to terms with who they are. While we're talking about sportsmen who've broken down boundaries, here's a third in a row! It took an incredible about of courage for Michael Sam to come out as gay before he faced the NFL draft; there had never previously been an openly gay footballer in NFL history, and some believed that making his sexuality public would end his career before it started. When he made the draft and was picked up by the St. Louis Rams, an emotional Sam kissed his long-term partner Vito Cammisano on live television; the first time a same-sex kiss had been transmitted during a live sports broadcast. They went on to get engaged in January 2015. There was sadly never to be a wedding; they separated in June of the same year; but have remained friends. Sam ultimately had to walk away from football to focus on his mental health, but now works as a motivational speaker. Denis O'Hare may be one of the most understated actors on television and in film. You'll have seen him in many things but might not recognize his name. To jog your memory, he's been one of the mainstays of the 'American Horror Story' TV franchise, as well as a leading role in 'True Blood' and the movies 'Milk' and 'Dallas Buyer's Club'. 'Milk' in particular is recognized as being a film of vital importance to the LGBT community, managing to strike the right balance between entertainment and social commentary about life for gay people in San Francisco during the time of the film's setting. O'Hare has been happily married to his husband, interior designer Hugo Redwood, since 2011. The couple married and are resident in New York, where you'll likely see examples of Redwood's work if you're ever lucky enough to be invited to a party at one of the city's fancier apartments. Together they have one son Declan, who they adopted as a baby. It's difficult to describe Dan Savage's job accurately; he's a journalist and social commentator, but most of us know him best as the purveyor of advice on all matters relating to sex and sexual health in his work as a sex columnist. No matter your tastes, Savage always seems to have a helpful tip for you. His husband Terry Miller once stayed out of the limelight, but Savage's habit of posting pictures of him in Instagram has led him into a new line of work as a male model! Before same-sex marriages became legal in the US, Savage and Miller had to go to Canada to get married. They had a ceremony in Vancouver in 2005, but when the law changed they went through the process again in Washington State in 2012. They were among the first 11 couples married on the first day that same-sex marriage was permitted within the state, with the mayor of Seattle there as a guest. There's a powerful combination of stage and screen prowess in this marriage! David Hyde Pierce came out as gay in 2007, confirming something that fans had long since suspected anyway. In the process, he revealed that he'd been in a relationship with screenwriter Brian Hargrove since 1988. Between Pierce's on-screen credits for 'Frasier', 'Hellboy' and 'Wet Hot American Summer', and Hargrove's writing credits for 'Caroline in the City' and 'The Secret World of Alex Mack', we imagine the trophy and award cabinet in their house is quite a sight. Pierce credits a lot of his success in the acting world to Hargrove; while accepting a Tony Award for 'Curtains', he specifically thanked Hargrove for '24 years of notes' on his acting helping him to become a better performer. The couple married in California in 2008 as an intentional statement of defiance against Proposition 8, which came into force days later. Mario Cantone is a gifted writer and comedian, with a quick wit and an even quicker delivery, but you may still know him best as Anthony from 'Sex and the City'. The much beloved gay wedding planner from the show wasn't a million miles away from Cantone's real-life self, although we believe the only wedding he's ever planned is his own! When the show ended he returned to his first love; musical theatre. Appropriately enough, that's where he met the love of his life. Jerry Dixon is a musical theater director who'd worked with Cantone much earlier in his career, and the two forged one of the longest lasting same-sex couples in entertainment. By the time they were married in 2011 they'd already been together for twenty years, meaning they'll soon be celebrating thirty years since their first date. Celebrity pastor Jay Bakker did the honors at their wedding ceremony! Grant Shaffer may not be famous by name, but you'll definitely have seen his work. He's a graphic designer and artist who's been responsible for the look of many comics, short films and music videos, but we suspect none have been seen by as many people around the world as the iconic video for Beyoncé's Single Ladies'. We can't help but wonder if Shaffer's eye for something artistic and unusual is what first drew him to evergreen character actor Alan Cumming? British-American Cumming seems to be able to play anything from a hot mess to a King of England on screen effortlessly and has been one of the most recognizable faces on television for years. He and Shaffer married in New York in 2012, five years after they'd entered into a civil partnership while living in London. They have no children; Cumming has stated that while he'd love one, his hectic schedule means he'd be away for too long, and it wouldn't be fair on a child. There are several couples on this list who work in the same industry. We suppose it helps to have something in common to talk about when you're passing the time at home! Don Roos and Dan Bucatinsky are no different; you'll know Bucatinsky best as the star of 'Scandal', where he plays James Novak, as well as 'The Comeback'. He's also tried his hand as a writer and film director, but it's his husband who has the greater reputation for that. Roos's greatest professional triumph to date is the title of his best-known work, 'Single White Female', is now a metaphor for a friend displaying excessively needy or psychotic behavior. We hope he didn't base it on personal experience! Roos and Bucatinsky married in 2008 after sixteen years together, and still remember that their first date in 1992 was to see the film 'Love Field'. Together they have a son named Jonah and a daughter called Eliza. Indie-music icon and all-round musical genius Rufus Wainwright isn't the sort of person who likes to have labels slapped on him. He's described himself as 'a complete libertarian' in the past and has stated that he doesn't believe what goes in anyone's bedroom is the business of the Government. He didn't even want to be openly gay, saying that the 'scandal' era of homosexuality that Oscar Wilde had to endure was more inspiring to him as an artist. That sounds insanely pretentious, so we're glad he mellowed when he met art director Jörn Weisbrodt and fell head over heels in love. Weisbrodt changed Wainwright's entire perspective on both his sexuality and his outlook on relationships. By 2010 he'd started campaigning for gay marriage to become legal in the United States precisely because he wanted to marry Weisbrodt, and when he got his wish it didn't take him long to act on that wish. They married in 2012 and have one daughter delivered by surrogacy. Given that being gay is now so accepted in Western society, it's almost unthinkable that so many people had to live in shame and denial for so many years before times and attitudes changed. Barry Manilow was another victim of the era he grew up in not helped by working in the music industry. Women loved Manilow, and his manager warned him that coming out as gay would probably hurt his career. That advice would seem cynical were his manager not the same person he was in love with and had been in a relationship with for years! Garry Kief has spent almost his whole career looking after Manilow's professional affairs, so it was no shock to find out he was looking after his personal ones too. The happy couple married in April 2014, in a private ceremony surrounded by loving friends and family. Star Trek legend and long-standing LGBT advocate George Takei has let the whole world in on his relationship with Brad Altman! The very open star makes most of the details of his life public through his Twitter and Instagram accounts, where he has a legion of loving fans. Charming, funny and seemingly always happy, Takei is filled with an infectious energy which presumably drew Altman to him in the first place. Takei and Altman aren't just one of the longest-standing same-sex married couples in America, they were also among the first. Back in June 2008, when the chance for same-sex couples to marry became legal for the first time, they were the very first couple to gain a license for marriage in West Hollywood. That's a beautiful way to make history! We guess Takei really did achieve the mission laid out for his Star Trek character Captain Sulu: "To boldly go where no man has gone before". Beth Ditto isn't exactly someone who does things the conventional way. She broke the mold of what a female lead singer in a rock band should look like, and she also broke the mold of conventional marriage. As an outspoken advocate of LGBT lifestyles, she's on record as saying 'Standing in The Way of Control' - the biggest hit of her old band Gossip - was a call-to-action against the Government of the time's legislation against same-sex marriage. Walking it like she talked it, Ditto married her girlfriend (and best friend since she was 18) Kristin Ogata in Hawaii in 2013. The couple both wore white to the wedding. Seventeen months later their home state of Oregon legalized gay marriage, so a mere seventeen months after their first wedding they walked down the aisle again! We hope they didn't expect all the guests to buy them a fresh set of presents, considering the ceremonies were so close together. Brad Goreski and Gary Janetti have undoubtedly achieved a lot in their respective fields, but it may be a fictional Instagram account run by Janetti that ends up more famous than both of them. Goreski is a celebrity fashion stylist with a fine eye for a great look and has worked on television as a host of 'Fashion Police'. Janetti is a writer who's worked on 'Family Guy' and 'Will and Grace', as well as being creating the British sitcom 'Vicious'. More than 700,000 people follow Janetti's Instagram page, where he comments on the latest happenings within the British Royal family via memes, where (usually very sarcastic) thoughts are attributed to the infant Prince George. It's a strange niche, but he's managed to find it! The married couple split their time between homes in Los Angeles and New York City, although Janetti prefers to stay in New York and take care of their dog, Penelope. To many of our readers Sean Hayes will forever be known as Jack McFarland from 'Will and Grace', the role that brought him fame, acclaim and awards. Although he's always known he was gay, he chose not to say so in public until 2010, as he felt that if an audience knew his sexuality it might affect how they see his portrayal of characters as an actor. His philosophy on that matter changed of course, and he now modestly believes he has 'contributed monumentally to the success of the gay movement in America', although he added that he's open to debating anyone who wishes to disagree with him. Not much is known about his husband Scott Icenogle beyond the fact that he has an awesome last name, and that they were together for at least eight years before they married in November 2014. Doctor George O'Malley from 'Grey's Anatomy' was called to attend to matters of the heart when the man who played him on screen, T.R. Knight, married his long-term boyfriend Patrick Leahy in October 2013. By that time Knight had been with Leahy, who is a writer and a ballet dancer, for five years. There's no chance we'll see Knight's character return to the hit TV show after he died tragically but heroically several seasons ago. Given that he's worked on Broadway (where he was lucky enough to share the stage for an extended run with the legendary Sir Patrick Stewart) both before and since 'Grey's Anatomy', and the fact that Leahy is both a ballet dancer and a writer, perhaps they could create something together that both of them could star in? You have the talent and the contacts, gentlemen. Make it happen! Meredith Baxter is one of her generation's most accomplished stars of screen. Whether it was in 'Family' or 'Family Ties' she won the hearts of a nation for her performances as complicated but endearing women. Her life at home and her struggle with her sexuality has probably been more complex than that of any character she's ever played, though. Baxter is now on her fourth marriage. Her previous four have all been to men. During that time, she's struggled with abusive relationships and addictions, all the time wondering why things never felt right in her love life, and why she couldn't settle. Finally, in 2002, she realized she was gay. She felt like she now understood why she'd never been happy in her previous marriages, but still didn't feel sure enough of her new identity to come out until 2009. It all worked out in the end though; she met contractor Nancy Locke in 2005 and dated her for several years, finally marrying in 2013 in LA. 'The love shack is a little old place where we can get together!' For Katie Pierson from the pop-rock band the B52s and her girlfriend Monica Coleman, that love shack turned out to be in Hawaii, where they married in 2015! (It was the B52s who wrote 'Love Shack', by the way, just in case you didn't get the connection). Pierson was actually in a heterosexual relationship all the way through the peak of the B52s most successful years, dating American artist Tim Rollins. We don't know precisely when she met her wife Monica Coleman, but they were described as being long-term before they tied the knot. They now run a business together, operating two motels with the interesting titles 'Kate's Lazy Desert' and 'Kate's Lazy Meadow', the latter of which would be more accurately described as a rustic modern lodge in the Catskill Mountains of New York.

My Review of 75 Random Things – Part 2 (Every item on this list was suggested by friends and strangers on the internet.) Season 1 of the TV series ‘Fortitude’ – Great acting. Super interesting buildup. Vastly disappointing ending. Jack Daniel Honey – Not bad for a party drink. It’s mildly palatable and inexpensive. But once you try higher end whiskey, you’ll never want to drink Jack Daniel anything again. The city of Chicago – I miss living there, but only during non-winter seasons, which means pretty much only half the year. I have a feeling I’ll end up returning there one day. The Song ‘Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor’ by Flight of the Conchords – Hilariously sums up trying to land a date by going clubbing. Washing Dishes by Hand Instead of using a Dishwasher – Dishes get cleaner. Not much more work. Saves money. Ends arguments about how to stack dirty dishes. Sign me up. Peeps – As a child, I loved Easter for the sole reason of devouring entire boxes of sugar-coated marshmallows. As an adult, same. Putting Peeps into Burritos – No. Just no. Stop. The TV Nature Series, Blue Planet – You think outer space is fascinating? Wait ’til you watch this series and see what lives on the ocean floor. Awesome, awesome show. Russia’s Influence over the U.S. Election – I don’t know what they did. I don’t care. The kind of people influenced by stuff they read on Facebook? They were going to vote the same way regardless. Dreadlocks – They look cool, but smell kinda like mildew. Seat Warmers in Cars – For the ladies, I hear they’re great. But for guys, they burn warm all the wrong parts. My New Cat ‘Bacon’ – Athletic. Mean. Bitey. Adorable. My Recently Departed Cat, Sticky – Athletic. Scratchy. Sweet. Blind. And now she’s planted beneath a Japanese Maple tree. Text Messaging w/ Old People – Pretty much the most painful thing ever. Hurts my eyes to read the awkward things my dad types into his phone. The Movie ‘Game Night’ starring Jason Bateman & Rachel McAdams – Pretty damn funny. I’ve come to realize anything with Jason Bateman will be good. Ditto Rachel McAdams. Twizzlers – Yes. The perfect candy for…everything. Aussie Licorice – It’s sticky like honey and tastes like engine oil. No thanks. Sting (the musician) and his latest tour – Did you know tickets are $600? Nope. Small Talk – Does anyone really want to talk about the weather? Or the latest TV show? Or how your cousin’s mom’s former roommate is doing? No. Let’s skip to something deeper, kay? The Book ‘The Wise Man’s Fear’ by Patrick Rothfuss – I loved book one in the series ‘The Name of the Wind.’ But book two? Dreadfully slow. Wanders to strange places while making the main character utterly unlikeable. DYI Plumbing – You might save thousands. Or you might end up doing your laundry in the backyard and taking showers using a teaspoon. Robert Mueller – FBI Special Counsel – Sounds like the most difficult job in America. Dude gets slandered on a daily basis. Ménage a Trois Wine – The California Red is good. The Rose is even better. The Silk and Dark varieties are pretty bad, kind of like drinking wine-drenched cotton balls. The Introvert vs. Extrovert Discussion – It sometimes feels like an excuse for people to talk about themselves at length on the internet. It’s ok to be either or even both. Most people really don’t seem to care. Cracker Barrel Pancakes – Too dry. Also, they’re super stingy with the syrup. Bring the whole bottle, baby. The video series ‘The Lion’s Blaze’ – I will never be as flexible as the skinny dude. Never. The Kids’ Movie ‘Early Man’ – Pretty funny. A bit sentimental, but refreshingly devoid of cynicism. Drinking Organic Milk in place of Ordinary Milk – Prepare to spend a TON more on milk. But the flavor difference is worth every penny. The Restaurant ‘Outback Steakhouse’ – Terrible, dry cuts of beef. You’d eat better steaks and save money just by pan-searing them at home. James Veitch’s ‘This is what happens when you reply to spam’ comedy sketch – Freaking hilarious. We all want to do this, right? Men Peeing While Sitting Down – Why would anyone want to sit on a toilet unless they absolutely had to? The Art of Allen Williams – Dark and beautiful. He’s a wizard with graphite and a master of artistic anatomy. Just go here. Fake Fingernails – Ladies, I have just one question. Why? Beards – Love ’em. But had to shave mine off for the summer. Too warm for muggy days in the Georgia heat. The Movie ‘Sicario’ starring Emily Blunt & Benicio del Toro – Probably the most intense movie I’ve ever seen. That ending…wow. You owe it to yourself to watch this late at night with zero distractions. Angry Orchard Hard Cider – Good when on draft. Not particularly tasty out of a bottle. The #_____LivesMatter Movements – My position is that no lives matter. Yes, really. None of us have any real value to the universe, so technically we should all treat each other equally. (But we never will.) The Album ‘Kingdoms Disdained’ by Morbid Angel – Thumpy, ferocious, and superior to most metal albums of the modern era. Even so, not much variety within the album. Basically eleven very similar tracks. The Theremin, a musical instrument – Weird and haunting. Search for ‘Armen Ra Theremin’ on Spotify and see where it takes you. Finding Stray Girlfriend Hairs all over the House – Women shed more than cats. Or dogs. Or any mammal on Earth. I need a scientist to explain this phenomenon. The Movie ‘Cloverfield Paradox’ – Not bad at all. Interesting premise, good actors, sharply suspenseful. But somehow in the end a bit unsatisfying. The whole experience feels like one big cliffhanger. The Album ‘Sleep’ by Max Richter – Soft, serene music meant to help people relax and sleep. The tracks are repetitive and atmospheric, and yet soothing. I use this album for writing epic fantasy and sci-fi books, but if you’re an insomniac, you might want to try it for yourself. Bras – If I were a woman, I’d like to let my ‘girls’ fly free. Ladies, you have my sympathies. Aberlour Scotch – One of the smoothest, brightest, and flavorful scotches you’ll ever drink. Try the 16-year and live happily ever after. Here’s my complete rundown of the best scotches on the market. The Movie ‘Swiss Army Man’ w/ Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe – It goes strange places right from the beginning and never truly comes back to something meaningful. That said, it has some pretty hilarious moments. 7-String Guitars – I don’t like playing on any other kind. Saves me the trouble of re-tuning my strings. Bing (the search engine) – Sometimes I end up on Bing accidentally. I shudder and click right back to Google. Homewood Suites Hotels – You’d be surprised by the number of active prostitute rings thriving in various Homewood Suites’ rooms. Yes, really. Being an Author – Don’t do it. Seriously. It’s not a path to happiness. The Video Game ‘Super Mario Odyssey’ for the Nintendo Switch – My kid was alllll kinds of hyped up to play this. But after an hour or two, he came to the same conclusion I did while watching him play. Boring. Same old, same old. Everyone else loves this game. We don’t get it. The Renaissance Festival – Good, cheesy fun. Nightmarish parking. If you go, go when it’s cool outside. Match.com – Boring Plenty of Fish – Same as Match, but even duller Bumble – Pretty damn good Tinder – Gross The Album ‘Thinking in Textures’ by Chet Faker – Smooth. Relaxing. Although not particularly inspiring. Magic, the Gathering – The best game ever created. Great art. Great rules. Constantly evolving. Better to play face-to-face than over the internet, however. Ketchup – Hey, if you like it, that’s ok. Some people get too uptight about other people’s condiments. Teachers Carrying Guns in Schools – Do it if you want. Turn every school into the Wild West. My kid won’t be attending. The Video Game ‘Ghost Recon Wildlands’ – Quietly one of the best shooting games ever made. Realistic, balanced, and addictive. Bartenders Who Know Everything About Their Customers – A wise policy on the bartenders’ behalf to maximize tips. But I once knew a woman who told her bartender too much (she was cheating) while not realizing the bartender was BFF’s with her husband. Be careful what you talk about, people. Anal Bleaching (Special thanks to the person who suggested this) – I get it for porn stars…sort of. I just want to know who came up with the idea in the first place. Sasha Grey? The City of Deerfield Beach, Florida – If you like volleyball, sand, drinking, and pretty girls, you’ll love this neat little beach community. If not, try Naples. Bangs – Easy hairstyle to maintain. But at what cost? 🙂 The Restaurant ‘PF Chang’s’ – The food is really good. The drinks are amazing. The wait-staff is bad. Really bad. And I’m the most merciful diner ever. The lesson? Don’t hire and underpay teenagers if you want to appear upscale. School Shootings – They will continue ad infinitum. It’s who we are as Americans now. Knowing this, I won’t be sending my kid to public school. I suggest you rethink your kids’ education, as well. Nude Body-Painting – It can be pretty cool, maybe even sexy. But definitely not in overheated rooms. And an age limit is advisable. The #MeToo Movement – Every single woman I know has a horror story of sexual abuse. Every. Single. One. Which means a huge number of guys are involved. Scary, right? The Album ‘Seasons in the Abyss’ by Slayer – The best heavy metal album ever made. Try not to bob your head during ‘Skeletons of Society.’ Melania Trump – She signed up to ride the Tilt-a-Whirl and ended up on the mother of all roller coasters. Bagpipes – Well-played, they make beautiful, mournful music. Poorly-played, they seriously injure eardrums. Kids Using Foul Language at Home – I’m cool with it. Sometimes. Words are just words. They’re harmless if you want them to be. Ren & Stimpy – I’d like to personally thank this show’s creator John K. for guiding me through my early childhood. Here’s the complete collection. Worth every penny. Cream of Wheat – Totally devoid of nutrition. Totally amazing when served with milk and honey. Next Door Neighbors Who Walk Around Topless – If he can do it, so can I. For the original ‘My Review of 75 Different Things,’ go here. For my review of life and humanity in general, try this. J Edward Neill

As a politically active gay man, I am extremely familiar with the concept of androgyny. Many of my friends are androgynous, gender-neutral, transgender, genderqueer, etc. Seeing a young man who has feminine features is a complete non-issue in my world, so when I saw people in the comments on websites like this making fun of a teenage boy for being somewhat androgynous, I was appalled, to say the least. I am not a fan of Bieber’s music. Without getting into details about it, let’s just say it’s just not really my style of music. That said, I completely fail to see the reason behind attacking him because of the way he looks. I’ve seen people go as far as photoshopping him into a dress, pointing out his feminine features, and calling him “Justine.” This comes off to me as extremely negative in two distinct ways: 1) The mentality here screams, “Justin looks feminine, which means he’s a woman, which is the worst thing a man can aspire to be.” Our society tends to portray femininity as negative when those features and behaviors are not associated with a cisgender woman. For those unaware, “cisgender” refers to a person whose body matches the gender identity that is considered appropriate for their sex by society. To be a man and feminine is almost universally considered negative, and it shows how people view women in our culture. It’s fine for a woman to be masculine or do masculine things (i.e., lesbian porn being fetishized, or the “I’m okay with gay marriage as long as it’s between two women” mentality), but when a man or trans woman does feminine things it’s almost always met with criticism. Much of this comes down to the patriarchy of our society, and we therefore view it as okay for women to be masculine, but not the other way around. Despite years of social progress, women are still often expected to be subservient to men. The problem here is not just that people are making fun of Bieber for his music, they’re enforcing outdated gender norms on a young man for his physical appearance, something that he’s not in control of. Our society has this social gender binary that can’t possibly pertain to everyone. If you think I’m wrong, ask yourself this simple question. Why is the concept of a feminine man funny to you? What is it about gender non-conformity that makes you uncomfortable? Femininity is not negative. Men can be feminine, women can be masculine, and not everyone fits so easily into the gender that society sees us as. That leads me into my second point. 2.) These attacks come off as extremely transphobic. Calling Justin “Justine” and applying a gender to him that he does not identify with trivializes the issues that transgender and gender non-conforming people face every day. The point that I’m trying to make here is that looking feminine doesn’t make one a woman, not looking feminine doesn’t make one a man, nor does behaving any way make someone anything without their consent. Gender is an identity, not a box. In all likelihood, Justin Bieber is a cisgender man who just happens to be a bit androgynous. Some of you may say that I lack a sense of humor and that I’m just being overly sensitive, but just because people laugh at a joke doesn’t make it funny. I was constantly bullied in high school for being gay and people laughed at me, but I wouldn’t consider bullying to be a form of comedy. The people who make fun of Justin Bieber for looking feminine are the ones who make fun of trans men and women for being who they are. Just because they look “different.” It’s not cute, it’s not funny, it’s ignorant. This article was written by a Hypable visitor! Learn more and write your own right here.

Tiny Tot Learning Center Schertz, TX 78154 About This School Tiny Tot Learning Center Reviews I had a horrible experience with a home child care center. The woman refused to give my child breathing treatments for her asthma and then decided drop us. Thank goodness tiny tots took us in and didn't have any problems with giving children breathing treatments. I will always be thankful, very nice ladies. My daughter has been attending Tiny Tots for two years. She started at about nine months. She has some special needs and sees her therapists at school often. The ladies at Tiny Tots do every exercise that the the therapists suggest, and I truly believe she would not be doing as well if it were not for Tiny Tots. She has almost caught up developmentally with the help and love she has received from everyone at Tiny Tots. She can know say her ABC's and count to 10 at 2 and a half, and can stand and run on her own. Pretty good for a girl who we were told may never walk and might be severely mentally handicapped. Tiny Tots may not be the fanciest daycare around, but the staff is loving and attentive like nowhere I have seen before.

Usually, you'll start feeling Braxton Hicks contractions sometime in the second trimester, getting more pronounced the farther along you go in pregnancy. They can feel like a tightening of the stomach, as your abdomen (or rather the uterus) gets hard for no reason. You'll know it when you feel it. If you touch the stomach with your hand while one of these contractions is occurring, it feels like a tight drumhead. There is no way to control the contraction. It will usually pass in a few seconds. In the meantime, just breathe your way through it. Or try changing your activity or drinking some water to alleviate the tightness. Braxton Hicks contractions can be triggered by something as simple as the baby moving or someone merely touching your stomach. Although they are often called practice contractions, they don't actually play a part in dilating or effacing the cervix, like real contractions do. Typically, Braxton Hicks contractions are not especially painful, but more uncomfortable than anything. These contractions may vary from a few seconds to half a minute, and you can't predict when they will occur. You may have a run of three or four contractions an hour, and then they will just stop for no reason. They might not come back for weeks, or they could come back an hour later. Go figure. From the Doctor's Perspective... Since people have different pain thresholds, some women do describe Braxton Hicks as being very painful. When I ask a first-time mother to rate the pain, she may say it's a "10." Because she hasn't experienced labor yet, that pain is indeed a 10 to her. Usually, when that same woman goes into labor, she'll say that it hurts worse than Braxton Hicks, ergo the pain is now off the charts. Be aware that other factors may contribute to the intensity of your perception of "painful" contractions, anxiety being one of those conditions. Try to rest and minimize the stress in your life. Having said that, the caveat is to always consult your care provider if you're in extreme pain. The pain could be coming from another source, like the bladder, yet feel as if it's in the same location as the uterus. Or it could be coming from a pulled muscle or a gastrointestinal problem and needs to be investigated further. Don't live with unnecessary pain. Make sure that nothing else is wrong. In comparison to Braxton Hicks contractions, real contractions are regular in duration and regular in their interval spacing. As labor progresses, they get more intense and last longer. For example, they may start off lasting a few seconds and occurring 10 minutes apart, but every hour they get closer and closer together and last longer. On average, a real contraction lasts from 30 seconds to one minute each. Typically, you'll start off with four to six contractions in one hour. When you have four to six contractions for two hours in a row, it's time to call the doctor. Chances are good that you're in labor! Real contractions can be anything from a dull ache and a tightening of the uterus (à la Braxton Hicks) to all-out, excruciating, gut-wrenching, eye-popping pain. Believe me when I say that you'll know it's the real thing when you experience them. When contractions start, you should time them with a stopwatch to see how long they last. Then time them again to see how far apart they are. The doctors, nurses, and hospital personnel will all ask you these questions. "How far apart are they? How long do they last?" Get your partner to keep a chart of the contractions. This will often help the doctor determine over the phone if you need to get to a hospital, and if you're close to delivery. Nobody wants you to have that baby in the car, least of all your partner. Be prepared for the contractions to change quickly, meaning that they can go from easy and manageable pain to over-the-top and unremitting, wrenching pain in what seems like an instant. When this happens, it means that the baby is progressing down the birth canal. When Minutes Count With my second pregnancy, I decided that I was an expert. After all, my first baby had been born one year earlier so I felt as if I knew everything there was to know. Babies took time to be delivered, didn't they? When the contractions started, I calmly informed my husband that I was going to "get clean" for the baby (and the doctor), so I stepped into the shower, figuring I had hours to go before delivery. Within minutes, I was doubled over in pain. My husband screamed at me to get out of the shower, which I did post haste. We barely made it to the hospital before I delivered a baby boy (thankfully in a room). My husband missed the delivery both he and the doctor were still in the process of walking in from the parking lot. Time from actual first contraction to delivery 47 minutes. Moral of the story: Make sure it's a quickie shower, that is. Other Symptoms of Impending Birth Besides the obvious contractions, you may feel increasing pain or pressure on the lower back, as well as the abdomen, as the baby moves down into the birth canal and into position. You might also think you need to have a bowel movement when you don't really have to go to the bathroom, or you could feel like pushing (don't go with that feeling quite yet). Emotionally and mentally, you may feel distracted or distraught and unable to focus. You might be supersensitive emotionally and feel like crying a lot. You could also experience extreme fatigue, or the opposite, tons of energy. Swings of emotions can be attributed to many reasons. They could be caused by a lack of sleep, your diet not being as good as it is normally, stress, or even the fear of the unknown (for example, a first-time mother might be worried about the upcoming pain of labor and delivery). You could act differently for any number of reasons or just from the daily problems of living. Most of the time, these feelings are quite normal. Usually, what helps is to have a good conversation with someone whom you trust and love who cares about you. Talk to that person and ask him/her to listen. A sympathetic ear goes a long way. With questions specific to pain, you should talk to your physician or midwife so that your fears can be allayed. In modern obstetrics, the overwhelming majority of women will receive some form of anesthesia, so the pain of labor and delivery is much less intensified and not a cause for concern. From a Mother Who Has Been There... The worst time for me was always right before the baby came. I got tense, irritable, and asked my doctor nonstop when the baby was coming. I worried about everything from whether the house was clean to how I'd handle my in-laws to what to pack for the hospital. I worried about my body would I be "fat" forever, would I still be attractive and normal after the baby was born, would my breasts sag, would I have stretch marks, etc. What I didn't do was stop to take a breath and calm down. I'd strongly advise that. Just an FYI once the baby is born, all those pressures and tension are gone magically and instantly. It's a wonderful thing. Fetal Kick Count Important, important, important this can't be stressed enough! Always be aware of that baby inside of you and its movements. One way to keep track of the baby is through the fetal kick count. The fetal kick count is determined by counting how many times the baby kicks in two hours out of the whole day. Here's how it works. Pick a one-hour window, preferably when the baby is active and count how often the baby moves. Once you count 10 fetal kicks, look at your watch, and if it's been less than an hour, you're done for the day. If you don't get 10 kicks in one hour, you can extend the time period to two hours. If you still don't get 10 kicks, it's probably a good idea to go into your doctor for an evaluation. The fetal kick count is simply a way for you to do a daily check of your baby's well-being in between doctor's visits. Studies have shown that when mothers don't get their kick counts tallied, it could make a difference in the outcome of the baby's welfare. As you get farther into the third trimester, you may feel as if the baby is taking longer to get its kick counts, but you should still be able to get them. At this point, the baby is moving and active, but not as much. From the Doctor's Perspective... Having said this, I always advise my patients that even if they get their kick counts, but perceive that something is wrong, they should come see me. I trust my patients' instincts and will have them come in for an evaluation anyway. Hey, it may look as if everything is going well with the pregnancy on paper, but if the mother feels something is wrong, it's worth respecting. A mother's intuition is usually right. Get Thee to a Hospital At any time close to your delivery date, if you think you're in labor, call your doctor or midwife. They will give you explicit instructions on what to do. If they tell you to go to the hospital, here is what will happen. The hospital will be expecting you because the doctor will call ahead to alert them that you are en route. Go straight to the OB/GYN labor and delivery area where you will be evaluated. A labor and delivery nurse will check you first. She'll (or in some cases he'll) check your vital signs (blood pressure, temperature, pulse, and respiratory rate), and she will put external monitors on your abdomen. The monitors consist of a fetal heart monitor (a Doppler monitor), which measures the baby's heart rate, and a uterine contraction monitor (tocometer), which measures the duration and frequency of your contractions. After about 15-20 minutes, the medical staff will be able to interpret the tracings from the monitor to determine if you are having real contractions, how many, and how closely spaced apart they are. If you're watching the monitor, you can see the needle trace your contraction pattern. With the record that the fetal heart monitor provides, the caregivers can determine what the baby's condition is and his or her well-being. For example, if they see the baby's heart rate going down, they will want to figure out the cause immediately. All eyes are constantly watching that fetal monitor for signs of stress. If the baby is in distress, it may necessitate an immediate delivery or C-section. Questions You'll Be Asked At this point in your labor, the doctor will take over from the nurse and evaluate your condition. You'll be asked a number of questions, including the following: (I've included my thoughts on these questions in parentheses sometimes, you just want to kill the hospital staff when you're in labor.) Occasionally, if you're just on the verge of going into labor, the doctor may advise you to stay in the hospital and walk for several hours, up and down the hallways, hoping that it will induce labor. Often, physical activity and gravity (and the baby's head bouncing up and down on the cervix) can push a woman over the edge into labor if she is on the verge. After a period of walking, the doctor will recheck your cervix and see if you've made any further progress. If you have, you'll be admitted into the hospital with a diagnosis of labor, and eventually a baby should make its appearance. If your cervix hasn't changed, then the medical personnel feel more reassured that you won't deliver in the very near future (i.e., on the highway going home), so they'll send you home. Let's face it your doctor would feel pretty bad if she turned on the news and found out you'd delivered on the highway. Other factors that may cause a doctor to follow this "walking" procedure are if the patient lives far away (ergo, might not make it back in time) or if she's had several babies in the past (subsequent births tend to go quickly, leaving no time for the drive back and forth). If you are sent home, the doctor will advise you to continue monitoring the progress of your labor. Here are a few precautions to watch out for: From the Doctor's Perspective... When I asked John how common false labor was? His response was a hearty laugh and this insightful message, "Pretty darn common!" (OK, he used a slightly more forceful expletive.) From a Frustrated Mother's Perspective... I walked for hours once in that scary hospital gown and those stupid pieces of cardboard they call slippers. Up and down the hallway, past the women who were having babies, up and down, talking to the relatives, up and down, with nothing ever happening. I felt like some kind of freak who didn't have enough sense to get the labor going. Needless to say, I was pissed when nothing happened, and I was sent home. The Need to Clean There's an old myth that if you clean your house or scrub the floors, you'll go into labor. If you feel like cleaning the house and getting it in order, by all means, go ahead and do so. While some people may say it doesn't work, my experience is that it is a great indicator of an impending birth. Hey, if you don't go into labor, you'll still have a clean house and feel better. No loss there! Mr. Clean would be proud. What to Pack Just in Case Packing a suitcase for the hospital is not as tricky as you might think. After all, if all goes well, your stay there will be limited to a day or two. You'll probably be wearing those god-awful gowns most of the time, at least during the labor and delivery, which doesn't leave a lot of room for any other clothes. For a detailed list from an experienced mom, watch this video from CloudMom for tips and ideas to make packing easier. For the Mother First, pack the amenities: personal soap (if you want it), shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, makeup, brush, comb, whatever the things from home that make you feel like yourself. Second, you'll need a gown of some sort, a robe, and slippers (or sandals if you'd prefer) since you will probably be spending one night there, and really, really don't want to wear their version of a nightgown anymore. If you're nursing, make sure that you pack a nursing bra and a gown that is easily opened or accessible to the baby. If you're not nursing, pack a bra that fit you while you were pregnant, making sure that it has lots of support. The milk will still come in, and your breasts will feel very, very heavy. You'll need some kind of outfit to wear home. Believe it or not, you won't be wearing your favorite prepregnancy clothes when you leave the hospital. Most of that weight will still be with you for a while, so you might want to wear a loose fitting dress or even maternity pants and tops. That will probably rub you the wrong way, because no one wants to wear maternity clothes after delivery; however, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. You need to be clad in something to escape the hospital confines. For the Baby Packing for the baby is a lot more fun than packing for you. If you know the sex, you can obviously choose something that is a suitable color (if you put boys in pink, don't be offended when they're mistaken for girls). It's good to have some kind of gown or sleeper set for the baby. The hospital will supply you with diapers until you leave. An undershirt is a necessity, and they're so cute and tiny. Booties are fun. Forget shoes babies at that age don't do shoes. If the weather is bad, make sure you have the appropriate attire to wrap the baby in (what's that bundling thing called?). It's always good to bring some baby blankets to wrap them up like a baked potato. Most importantly, take a car seat. You can't take the baby from the hospital without one. Oh, and don't forget your camera or video cam. By the way, if your husband or significant other is even marginally competent, he can bring anything you've forgotten to the hospital. The Absolute Minimum When your first baby's birth is imminent, every little change in your body becomes a "real" (at least in your mind) symptom of birth to an expectant mother. In truth, there are some pretty decisive ways to tell whether or not you're in labor. If you match any or all of the criteria listed in this chapter, then you should be having a baby fairly soon. Reproduced from Absolute Beginner's Guide to Pregnancy, by John Adams and Marta Justak, by permission of Pearson Education. Copyright © 2005 by Que Publishing. Please visit Amazon to order your own copy. © 2000-2016 Sandbox Networks, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Saturday, March 31, 2007 We have discovered by accident that we do indeed have C-Span 2 on the "cable," despite the dire prophecies of our live "internet" chum, who informed us to the contrary. For those living in the vicinity of the Pendarvis Building, you will be pleased to know that the channel has simply moved on down the dial, from 31 to 104. That's a long way to go for such a little channel! But well within character for the plucky spirit of C-Span 2 and its enigmatic progenitor, Mr. Brian Lamb. Friday, March 30, 2007 Not only are we not the first to "blog" about Woody Woodbury this month (this fellow was trying to "sample" him into a "dance groove" or some such thing [!])... we are not even the first to mention his film FOR THOSE WHO THINK YOUNG this month. Woody Woodbury! We just found out about you today and now you have a place in our hearts forever. I fear I am doing you wrong by citing only one paragraph of the Woody Woodbury interview. I can't emphasize enough that it is chock full of sparkling gems from beginning to end. I suspect you will find your own "fave" moments, such as when Mr. Woodbury gets "riled up" at the TV show 60 Minutes. Secondly, the new photo of Lizabeth Scott has only been up for a scant few hours, and I have already buried it under an avalanche of Woody Woodbury references. I'm slipping, people. Slipping! If you'd like to understand exactly why we feel such a warm kinship with the prose stylings of Woody Woodbury, I would direct your attention, as a perfect example, to the paragraph in the interview beginning "In my case, I sort of 'caught on' in St. Paul" and ending "Talk about plush! This place had it all!" The "blog" can't help but notice Woody Woodbury's stylish deployments of exclamation points and quotation marks in the aforementioned interview. Though we only today became aware of him, we must acknowledge him forthwith as a progenitor of the "blog." Reports of its demise having been greatly exaggerated, we find ourselves graced with another installment of McNeil's Movie Korner. Today Mr. McNeil would like to call our attention to FOR THOSE WHO THINK YOUNG, the film from which that beloved YouTube clip was culled. Mr. McNeil points out that the cast boasts the daughters of both Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. We would add, with Mr. McNeil's indulgence, that it also contains not one but TWO Gilligan's Island castaways as well as highbrow cinema darling Ellen Burstyn... and perhaps most intriguingly, Woody Woodbury as Uncle Woody. We are not familiar with Mr. Woodbury or his work, though we notice he was a policeman in the Jerry Lewis film HARDLY WORKING during the same year he appeared as "himself" on HEE HAW. Who else can say that? Not many, wagers the "blog"! Good morning and welcome to Dr. "M.'s" TV Korner, formerly known as Agent "M.'s" TV Korner. Who was spotted last night indulging in her favorite chicken salad but the elusive Dr. "M."? And yet bright and early this morning she had already gathered herself and submitted a fascinating tidbit to the "blog," all about the best show ever on television, a little something-something we like to call THE WIRE. Here, then, we present a "link" upon which you may "click," courtesy of the eagle-eyed Dr. "M." Thursday, March 29, 2007 Another bulletin just in from Jim Whorton: "Don't you imagine that the US has a secret base on the moon?" he asks. "It has to be true!" he then recklessly asserts. "Think about it! We went there in 1969, when engineers were still using slide rules! It is inconceivable that people have not gone back. There could be a military or scientific base up there and who would know? There are some ducks flying around outside my window." Jim Whorton writes the "blog": "The 'parablendeum' business reminds me of a line in a Gang of Four song which sounds like 'Or a paracitimo.' What is a paracitimo?" We would be more inclined to take his question seriously if he had not already "burned" us - perhaps intentionally! - by getting us all worked up over parablendeum. But, giving Mr. Whorton the benefit of the doubt, we put it out there for all to consider. If only there were some way that people could comment directly on a "blog"! But alas, from my understanding, there is not. However, we do believe that our old "Blog" Buddies Jon Langford and Sally Timms actually know, in a personal way, the Gang of Four. So perhaps we can go directly to the source. So yesterday I ran across my copy of THE STORIES OF JOHN CHEEVER and decided to read the one that Jim Whorton had been raving about. Afterward, I agreed with Whorton's assessment, yet differed with him on the subject of parablendeum. Whereas Whorton described it as (I'm paraphrasing) "something bread sacks were made of," it seemed to me from the story that it would be a bad idea to wrap bread in parablendeum. The narrator has a surreal dream in which bread is wrapped in parablendeum but upon wakening he seems to consider it a load of nonsense. So of course I got up this morning and did the "google" on it. Here I found a "link" explaining that John Cheever made up the word parablendeum, and indeed the entire parablendeum industry! This seems to be supported by the fact that there are only eight "google" matches for parablendeum, each dealing with the Cheever story. Well, Mr. Cheever, you sure had us going, you old rascal. Parablendeum! Wednesday, March 28, 2007 Welcome back to an all-new installment of James Whorton, Jr.'s C-Spandemonium! Whorton, who has been watching C-Span 2 for me ever since my "cable" company took it away and laughed in my face, files this report: "I am trying to watch Dana Perino on C-Span 2 but the cats are fighting on the couch next to me." Anyway, thanks for trying, Jim! Looking back at Kent's email, he says that he is "11,000 feet above sea level," NOT "11,000 feet up the mountain." That's a big difference! At second glance, I suppose he was only indicating his arrival in Nepal. We at the "blog" regret the mistake. The intern who reads my emails to me as I recline in a hot bath of goat's milk and rose petals has been "let go." The results are in on our recent poll. According to 100% of the 1 people who responded, I am right and Jeff McNeil is wrong. To be fair, it must be noted that the respondent, "Blog" Buddy Barry B., while claiming to agree with me, is much closer, in his actual day-to-day telephone answering practices, to my nemesis in this matter, Jeff McNeil. Barry B. tends to answer the phone with a firm, not to say gruff, almost challenging declarative: "Hello." Anyway, it's moot, because I win. Hey, everybody, I just got an email from Kent, who seems to be close to two-thirds of the way up to base camp at Mt. Everest. Hooray for Kent! And of course, hooray for the "internet," which is everywhere and can do anything! Hooray! Speaking of which, Jeff McNeil has been doing an equally impressive kind of exploring... exploring the "internet," that is! He has moved on from the EBay, and turns his weary face toward the YouTube. Here is the gem he has discovered, the fruit of his labors, starring "blog" "fave" Bob Denver. Tuesday, March 27, 2007 Hey, what if I were from Canada? Then I might have entitled that previous "post" "Hello Poll, Eh?" And that would have been a palindrome! "Hello Poll, Eh?" Get it? Because Canadians say "eh?" all the time, or so goes my understanding of their culture. Wow. I wish I had been born in Canada so that could have happened. The "dry" in my current title refers to the wit involved with palindromes and such. Palindromes! Hey, Jeff McNeil was on my case today, man. He says I answer the phone like this: "Hello?" What I ought to do, McNeil claims, is answer the phone like this: "Hello!" I contend that answering a phone is like hearing someone come in the front door while you're upstairs. You say, "Hello?" You want to know who's there, if anyone. Friend or foe? You're not committing. Likewise, "Hello?" is a searching, intellectual way to answer the phone. The fact that we do not have "caller ID" may play into this. McNeil prefers the forceful, jocular greeting: "Hello!" In fact, he demands it. Demands it! We need the "blog" readers to decide who's right. I know I am right. And no amount of "blog"-gathered evidence will convince McNeil he is wrong. Like so much in life, this "post" is futile. Yet here it is. I hear from various "blog" fans that one cannot see the photo purporting to be Dr. "M." I recently "posted." In fact, when one "clicks" on the spot where Dr. "M.'s" photo should be, it is said, one sees this notice: ACCESS FORBIDDEN. Strange, because we can see it clear as day here in the Pendarvis Building. This sounds like the work of the diabolical Dr. "M." herself. We can only hope that the "blog" has not offended! We did not mean to "pull a Robert Novak" on her, as the kids call it these days. We are ecstatic to report that johntedge.com is back on its feet and running smoothly again. We were horrified recently when it seemed as if all our "web" pictures of Mr. Edge had been replaced by strange stock photos of traffic at night. The original pictures are now happily displayed once more, as you can confirm for yourself by "clicking" on the appropriate "links." We can only assume that it was the "blog's" determined focus on the issue that has resulted in this blessed outcome. I do feel bad for blaming the interns and indeed firing most of them without notice or explanation, but my ungovernable pride prevents me from hiring them back. An anonymous troublemaker has slipped the accompanying photo over the Pendarvis Building transom, along with a note comprised of letters clipped out of various magazines. This cowardly person, who doesn't even have the guts to sign his name, claims that the woman on the right is in fact our undercover operative Agent "M." According to the "tipster," Agent "M." is shown here turning in her dissertation. We have been able to ascertain a few facts. It is true that Agent "M." turned in her final, approved dissertation today, and that she has officially earned the much more sinister sounding name "Dr. 'M.'," by which she will be referred to henceforth. We were also able to confirm that the woman on the left is Queen Watson, who works, we believe, for Emory University. We do take great exception to this feeble attempt to compromise the identity of our agent in the field, but we wanted to "put it out there" before the tabloids get hold of the story and blow it out of proportion. Also, we wish to congratulate Dr. "M." on her impressive achievement. If reports are correct, she plans to spend most of her time now watching DANCING WITH THE STARS on abc.com. We salute her in this new endeavor, and hope that she will file many, many reports on the subject. I am queasy about reporting this next bit. Though it is tied to one of Theresa's main scholarly interests, it's a little too dark for the "blog." But oh well! The always alert Agent "M." has stumbled upon The Lizzie Borden Gift Shop. She asks us to take particular note of the "Silver Tone Pierced Earrings with Dangling Hatchets." And we do! We do take particular note! Goodness help us, we do. Monday, March 26, 2007 Today while I was having a glass of fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice and some other luncheon items at Belly, some people sat down next to me (everyone sits rather communally at a long table on a long bench there) and began making out and rocking back and forth. A German man at the end of the table shouted to me "SPOILS YOUR LUNCH!" I wish I had a font big enough to express how loudly this German fellow shouted at me. Then he yelled, "NAAAAAH! COME ON!" but I don't think I got his meaning exactly. The couple continued to smooch and rock. Not much of a story, but I feel bad if I don't "blog" a little every day. Sunday, March 25, 2007 The folks at Publishers Weekly decided to give me a good review for a change! They are tough birds to please. But apparently, in YOUR BODY IS CHANGING, my upcoming collection, I "hit the heart as often as the funny bone"! (Exclamation point mine.) Wow! It has been so long since we have talked about donuts that, looking back in the archives, we find that our "posted" photos of John T. Edge and his definitive work on the subject have been mysteriously replaced by time-lapse photography of a busy interstate. And johntedge.com seems to have dropped off the "internet." Well, perhaps one day those pictures will be restored and the world will make sense to me again. In the meantime I will try "posting" a new, more reliable photo of Mr. Edge, as well as a new "link" to his book about donuts. This is what happens when we lose sight of our true purpose! I blame the interns. How long ago we have been sidetracked from the one purpose of this "blog": to foster a productive discussion of donuts and donut-related treats. Leave it to novelist James Whorton, Jr., who first brought the fry cakes of upstate New York to our attention, to get us back on track, with the following report on his family's recent trip to Canada: "We bought some lucky bamboo and a light fixture, and I ate some Canadian nachos. Not so good, but I also had some donut holes at Tim Horton’s, which if you don’t know it is a Canadian fast food chain. They call them 'Timbits' instead of donut holes, which bothers me a little—this impulse to rename things after oneself that already have names of their own! But the 'Old Fashioned Plain Timbits' were delicious." Thanks for the tip, Jim! Did you happen to notice that "Tim Horton" rhymes with "Jim Whorton"? Felicitous! I was watching BARTON FINK on the "cable" last night and I realized that Chet, the character played by Steve Buscemi, is my greatest influence as a writer. There's a scene in which he has left Mr. Fink some thumbtacks as a remedy for peeling wallpaper. Chet has written on the package, "HOPE THESE DO THE TRICK -- CHET!" Although I came into the film late, I believe I recall from earlier viewings that he always signs his name with that exclamation point. Chet! Saturday, March 24, 2007 Speaking of derbies and their influence on my work, I suppose it is a coincidence that my forthcoming novel, titled AWESOME, was initially inspired by the sight of yet another young person wearing a derby in the Little Five Points area, where Savage Pizza is located. In fact, an excerpt from the novel (which will appear in the next issue of AMERICAN SHORT FICTION) is called "My Derby." Over the past two years, I have seen three persons wearing derbies in Little Five Points, and a fourth person pedaling around on one of those old-timey bicycles with the big huge wheel in front and the tiny wheel in back. I thought they were called velocipedes, but Phil Oppenheim informed me that they are more properly referred to as penny-farthings. Oh, this may be of no interest: As I was eating my submarine sandwich yesterday, there was, seated across the aisle from me, a young white male, a teenager I believe, sporting a walking stick and derby. Two young female friends of his were seated on the other side of his booth. Also, the young man was wearing makeup of the kind that I believe is called "clownwhite." His lips seemed to be painted with lipstick. His eyeliner was heavy. I do not believe that A CLOCKWORK ORANGE was his primary inspiration, though that was my first thought. He had, for example, no fake eyelashes. I overheard one snippet of conversation, from one of the young man's friends to him: "Grandma says you look like a black cat, which is weird, because your face is white." Now this is the kind of thing I might try to work into a short story, if I weren't so busy with my "blogging." I walked into Savage Pizza yesterday, ready to once again face the crushing disappointment of the discontinued submarine sandwich that I erstwhile held so very dear. It was with a heavy heart, dear reader, that I ordered the "Hot Portobello Sub," which had assumed, profanely, the place on the "specials" menu where my beloved marinated chicken used to be. Reader, I ate that sub. And by gosh if it wasn't the best sub I have ever eaten. I had another one today. In a way I feel as if I am a turncoat. In another way, who cares? The only problem is the way I quake in constant terror, wondering when they will strike my new "fave" off the menu. Sweet torture! Friday, March 23, 2007 I see that I've let the "blog" go about an hour and a half without a picture of Lizabeth Scott on it. It won't happen again. If everything is working correctly, you should see a new one accompanying this "post." Let me know if you have any Lizabeth-Scott-related problems! Hey, Kent's leaving today to climb to base camp at Mt. Everest. "JUST base camp?" you sneer. Well, what if I told you that "base camp" is 18,000 ft. in the air? I guess you'd feel sorry for sneering then! Goodbye, Kent! Come back soon! Be careful on the mountain! Look out for yetis! You know how sometimes you'll be listening to Webern on your "iPod" and all of a sudden you'll think, "Hey! Is anything playing?" You know? And then you have to check your "iPod" to make sure it's working? That's because Webern can be so darn quiet sometimes! And if you're walking down a sidewalk with roaring traffic nearby, forget it! But DON'T turn your "iPod" all the way up, because sometimes Webern likes to throw in a couple of loud notes just to keep you on your toes. You might bust your eardrums, and then you couldn't listen to your "iPod" at all! And besides, what if Webern does stay quiet the whole time, and then the next piece on your "iPod" is "Love Me" by that 50s singer known only as "The Phantom"? Have you heard that soul-chilling yelp he gives at the beginning of that song? He really wants someone to love him! In a scary way! It'll wreck your nerves even at a regular volume. So watch out! That's my tip. Watch out! (Pictured, the comic-strip and move-serial character The Phantom, who, as far as I know, has absolutely nothing to do with the 1950s singer of the same name.) Thursday, March 22, 2007 Just when things seemed bleakest for chicken salad lovers, here's Agent "M." to the rescue with a handy tip about your future chicken-salad-buying practices: "I suggest that you purchase a TUB of said salad next time and hoard it in your fridge." Roger wilco, Agent "M."! Theresa freed Forky! When asked how, the terse beauty replied, "Hard work," refusing to elaborate. Once again we are called upon to ask ourselves about the nature of love. Forky and I celebrated by having some coleslaw. Hey, I just remembered the other book I bought at Skylight Books in Silver Lake. It was MOE'S VILLA by James Purdy. Say, here's a "tidbit" for you music "buffs"! James Purdy happens to be a favorite author of at least one member of the rocking band Hubcap City. How's that for "dish"? Pretty good, that's how it is for "dish"! Not since our whimsical speculations upon the subject of Mr. Peter Bogdanovich has there been such a passionate response to the "blog." We are referring, of course, to Agent "M.'s" chicken salad report. Early today, a Vice President at Cartoon Network called the Pendarvis Building hotline expressly to say that she, too, found the Brickstore Pub to have Atlanta's best chicken salad, if not the world's. Later, Theresa brought home lunch... from Shields Meat Market. But not chicken salad! They were sold out of chicken salad! We can only assume that the shortage was due to the popularity of the "blog," coupled with Agent "M.'s" stirring rhetoric. We congratulate ourselves! Wednesday, March 21, 2007 It is with great pride that we recognize "What's Next For Forky?" as our "blog's" 500th "post." It seems like only 100 "posts" ago that we were celebrating our 400th "post." Why, we've discussed everything from super-apes to spider plants... though not, curiously, spider monkeys (pictured), which are a genetic hybrid, as we understand it, of super-apes and spider plants. We honestly couldn't have reached 500 "posts" without the tireless labor of our many correspondents, who trustingly send in emails that I then "cut-and-paste" for the entertainment of the world, grabbing all the credit and glory for myself. But these are the true heroes of the "blog," the men and women without whose willingness to do all the work we would not be celebrating our 500th "post" today. There's Jon Host and his legendary burger problem... Pia Z. Ehrhardt, with a tenderer burger reminiscence... Jim Whorton, known to children everywhere as the "C-Span Man"... and who can forget the windswept Amanda Stern? Yes, whether it's Agent "M." eating breakfast in Hawaii, Tom Bissell playing video games in Rome, Jeff McNeil "surfing" the "internet" for "Orgy at Madame Dracula's," or Tom Franklin simply sitting in the dark somewhere, having secret thoughts about Plastic Man, one thing is for sure... I have abused their kindness miserably. Oh, I have stolen from so many! Far too many to list here. Because I tire easily. But if someone wants to send me a list, I shall gladly "cut-and-paste" it. Everything is shaping up for some kind of crazy book tour in June. That's when my second story collection is coming out! I know it's early... but I also know that people who read books tend to be hermits and angry recluses and need about three months to work themselves up to a mental state in which they can leave the apartment. So here's an early heads up! A Cappella Books, right here in my own neighborhood, on June 2! Rock Point Books in Chattanooga on June 8! In the middle of June, there's the Happy Ending Reading Series, as I've mentioned before, and a New York City store appearance as well (details later). On the 22nd, I'll be at Skylight Books, in the Silver Lake area of Los Angeles. This is a bookstore I fell in love with on my recent visit to Hollywood! I bought several things there, including VERNACULAR DRAWINGS by the Canadian cartoonist known only as "Seth." They also sell books by the FC2 publishing company! I bought an FC2 book by Michael Martone. Also, A NIGHT AT THE MOVIES by Robert Coover, and LADY INTO FOX, a novel from the 1920s (I think) in which a lady turns into a fox! That will give you an idea of what a great bookstore Skylight Books is. And I know I'm forgetting some of the other stuff I picked up. At the end of June, Pia Z. Ehrhardt and I embark on a tour of Mississippi, going to three of the best independent bookstores in the nation... Lemuria in Jackson, Turnrow in Greenwood, and Square Books in Oxford. We're going to drive around like Thelma and Louise, except without any of the bad stuff, I hope, and also I'm a man. (Illustrating this "post," one of the "vernacular drawings" I picked up at Skylight.) Hey, want to know something funny about the four button on our phone? Sometimes when you hit the four button, you get two or three fours instead of one! So if you are trying to dial "404," for example (which must be dialed before almost any number in Atlanta, where the Pendarvis Building is located), you may end up dialing 440444. This happens about 60% of the time. On rare occasions, the four thinks it is the pound key, too! Rarer still, the four functions as the redial button, unbidden. Oh, four! You rascal! Tuesday, March 20, 2007 Wow! Agent "M." has been busier than ever... by which we mean she has been doing laundry and reading TV Guide. It was in the midst of these twin activities that she took a notion to favor us with another edition of Agent "M.'s" TV Korner... her second in just two or three days, unless our memory is faulty, and a new personal best for Agent "M."! So what was it that got her dander up? We will allow her to speak for herself, to wit: "Did you know that [TV Guide] is now a magazine-like periodical?" Agent "M." asks. "Anyway," she continues, "on one page it said that Rob Thomas said he was writing the season finale [of VERONICA MARS] as a season finale, NOT a series finale, and that if the CW tried to send them packing, they would put up a fight. You go, Rob Thomas! But on the next page, TV Guide made some quip about it being the end of the road for ol' Veronica. So who knows. But I did want Veronica lovers out there to know that they ain't going out like that." Strong words, Agent "M." Strong words. My favorite fork, whose name is Forky, has become caught in the dish drainer - hopelessly, perhaps! Forky is jammed in there at an odd angle indeed, though she (SHE? I just found out, by writing this, that Forky is a she!) does not appear to be bent or otherwise damaged. No one could bend Forky! Not even Uri Geller! Forky is strong. The "blog" may shut down for awhile as we try to save Forky. (Okay, for the kids, this "link" will explain my no-longer-topical reference to Uri Geller [pictured].) You know, we should mention that despite Agent "M.'s" modest protestations to the contrary, she has always provided the "blog" with more than just her television expertise. Need we mention the time she had breakfast in Hawaii? Or her appreciation of ham and eggs (pictured)? You remember our corporate spy known only as "L," don't you? Well, today is her birthday! She came into the office to face a big crisis perpetuated by her feckless co-workers. Anyway, "L" tells us she's going to the asthma doctor today. "L" says that believe it or not, it's more fun than being in the office! Happy birthday, "L"! Have fun at the asthma doctor! Agent "M." doesn't mess around! Just hours after her original vow, we have her report--a report that she claims with believable urgency was seven years in the making, and which we proudly present forthwith, I quote (and you know I am quoting accurately, because I retain her non-use of quotation marks around the word "blogger"): "With permission from the blogger, I have decided to expand my observational repertoire and offer thoughts on local food as well as television. My first commentary will concern the Best Chicken Salad in Atlanta. The bronze medal goes to Shield's Meat Market in Emory Village. I love this place--locally owned butcher shop and deli where you can get a sandwich, chips and pickle for about $6. They make their chicken salad from scratch each day. It's what I consider a perfect consistency--more pasty than creamy, with lots of chunks of chicken and bits of celery. The silver medal goes to Belly at the corner of No. Highland and St. Charles Ave. While their chicken salad is on the pricey side, it is worth the splurge. It too avoids the common problem facing so many chicken salads these days--too much mayo--opting instead for more chicken, less sauce. I believe they also put secret ingredients into it--perhaps sun dried tomatoes? Don't take my word for it --check it out for yourselves. Finally, the gold medal goes to...the Brickstore Pub. Their chicken salad comes as a scoop atop their delicious side salad (one of the best green salads in Atlanta with parmesan and yellow raisins and delicious tomatoes), and it is a delicious blend of chicken, mayo...and here's the secret touch...yogurt! While this may sound odd to connoisseurs of traditional chicken salad, trust me--you've never had chicken salad this good. Bon appetit, y'all!" Monday, March 19, 2007 More on the continuing saga of Jeff McNeil's missing manuscript. He called the Maryland Grape Growers Association today with two questions. First, had they ever gotten his manuscript? Answer: "Let's see... McNeil... McNeil... [rustling sounds, possibly for effect only]... Nope." Second, is it true that the Maryland Grape Growers Association publishes fine literary novels? Answer: Yes. McNeil's only observation: They sounded tired. Sunday, March 18, 2007 Kent Osborne reports that the picture of him which accompanies the previous "post" will not "load" on his "computer." Lucky for Kent, though, all he has to do to see himself is look in the mirror! But I hope some of the rest of you will let me know if you are having similar problems seeing Kent's picture. You do not want to miss out on seeing Kent, trust me! Well, like Tom Bissell and Amanda Stern before him, Kent Osborne has been kissed by the gossamer lips of the gray lady, as my fancy metaphor I just now came up with would have it. A movie he is in (and co-wrote), HANNAH TAKES THE STAIRS, gets a nice mention in today's paper! First the magazine (Amanda), then the book review (Tom), and now the Arts & Leisure section. The "Blog" Buddies are doing it for themselves (as I believe I've mentioned before)! (Pictured, some of the cast of HANNAH TAKES THE STAIRS. That's Kent on the right!) Hey, we did "the google" on our phrase "C-Spandemonium" and for the first time ever, there were no matches! We have invented something, finally, a very useful word, we feel. And for some reason, the "spell check" already recognizes it. In like Flynn, baby! ("Spell check" does not recognize "Flynn.") Welcome back to Agent "M.'s" TV Korner, our special feature where Agent "M." watches television and tells us about it later. Here are Agent "M.'s" latest ruminations. We have again taken the liberty of censoring anything that might be considered a "spoiler," without, we hope, sacrificing Agent "M.'s" natural exuberance and verve. With no further ado, then, we turn things over to Agent "M.," who reports: "I have been having trouble figuring out how Kate, et al got over that ******** ****** on LOST. Were the poles not ************* ********? If not, then why couldn't they stick the ******** on the pole? Or does **** not conduct electricity? I need to read up on my physics. Regardless of science, I just want to say that I would be royally *****ed if I had to shimmy up a pole. It really is time for me to start exercising because you never know when you are gonna need to get yourself over an ********* ****** and you never know when James Bond is going to chase you around a construction site (see opening sequence of CASINO ROYALE). On a final note, there was a disappointing reference to VERONICA MARS in this week's EW (the same one you picked up in the gift shop), saying that it may be doomed esp. now that the Pussycat Dolls reality show is doing so well in its timeslot. Veronica is no doll, and no one puts Baby in a corner. All best, M" End transmission. (Pictured, Kate sees a magical horsie on the island of Lost.) Saturday, March 17, 2007 As you know (and many of you have said you are praying for me) my "cable" provider has taken away C-Span 2. I had a "live 'internet' chat" with said provider, the upshot of which was, pretty much, "Too bad for you, sonny jim!" But this is where the "Blog" Buddies come in! Jim Whorton gives a nice recap of something he saw on C-Span 2 today: "a rerun of Brian Lamb interviewing David McCullogh from the 90s on his Truman biography. He says that Truman was the favorite of all White House servants of the era and was the first president ever to walk into the kitchen to thank the chef. Also, when Truman was overseas and a US general offered to supply a female companion for him, he told the general 'My wife doesn’t run around on me and I don’t run around on my wife.'" Whorton adds a bit of bonus description of the Valerie Plame-Wilson hearings as broadcast on regular C-Span: "Did I tell you about the man in a pink Jackie Kennedy suit and blond wig who was standing at the back of the room nodding in agreement through much of [Plame-Wilson's] testimony? I suspect he was a plant, because his suit said 'IMPEACH BUSH NOW' across the front. And he seemed to take care to be standing up, inside the TV frame, especially when the tesitimony got interesting." So that's today's C-Span recap. It doesn't exactly make up for having C-Span 2 unceremoniously yanked away from us, but it is nice to know we have friends who are looking out for us in trying times! Friday, March 16, 2007 I was sad not to be in Austin today. But by a happy coincidence, the movie came in the mail... yes, a DVD of the short film based on a story from my book (the reason for my planned and thwarted trip to Austin). I'm happy to say everyone did a great job! The actors perfectly captured the characters and the director really understood the essence of the story. When he made cuts, I didn't miss those parts at all! I mean, I would have missed them on the page, but you don't miss them on the screen. And on the occasions when the actors sort of naturalized my stylized dialogue, once again, it made perfect sense. It WORKED! Everyone was thinking and making the movie as good as it could possibly be. I was happy with the whole thing, every scene! As I get details on how you, the "blog" reading public, can see the whole movie, I'll let you know. It was GREAT! Hey, remember when Stephen King got sad because Stanley Kubrick sneaked around and made a movie of one of his books? And then Stephen King was like, "I'll show you! I'll make my OWN movie, and I'll get the guy from WINGS! And I'll have a cameo as a ghoulish bandleader who suddenly spins around!" Well, I'm not going to do that. (Pictured, Stephen King as the ghoulish bandleader who suddenly spins around.) Well, I hope you don't mind, but sometimes I like to tell you about things that I see as I spend my life "clicking" on "links" at the "internet." A favorite stop: the Toonopedia. Last time I was "clicking" on things at the old Toonopedia, I learned about a '60s superhero called Brother Power the Geek. I will summarize his story for you if you are too tired to "click." He was a tailor's dummy that was brought to life by lightning. Then some hippies took him under their collective wing and taught him about life. He fought bikers, just like Werewolf By Night! According to Mr. Markstein, the author of the Toonopedia, an editor at DC comics cancelled Brother Power's comic book precipitously, because the hippies in it weren't "loathsome" enough. The reclusive Jon Host has been sufficiently enraged by a local restaurant's TV-commercial slogan that he has emerged from his catacombs deep below the state of Alabama. "Our burgers are destined to be the stuff that legends are made of," the slogan asserts. So, I was in a hospital gift shop today... never mind why! It's none of your beeswax. Maybe I just like hanging out there! Anyway, I was leafing through an ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY when I found another review of ANDY BARKER, P.I., that Andy Richter program which, as avid "blog" readers know, is the fancy doppelganger to my own more lowbrow effort. And the reviewer said that the video store sidekick dispenses pop culture references! And I thought, Oh no! So does MY video store sidekick. And then the reviewer said something like (I'm paraphrasing) "pop culture references are so midaughts, and we are glad to see that they are dying out." And then I said "Midaughts?" (I am not paraphrasing that one word.) And then I said, "Oh! Midaughts! How wonderfully clever that probably is." And then I started to worry about the reviewer, who works for ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY, which I believe is in fact a compendium of popular culture references. It must make that reviewer very sad and depressed to work there, now that we are out of the midaughts! But it is not unusual to have a depressing job. I suppose most of us feel that way at one time or another in these strange days of the post-midaughts. Thursday, March 15, 2007 I had shut down the "computer" and settled in for a relaxing evening of insomnia, when to my horror I discovered that my "cable" provider (which has recently raised its rates) has taken C-Span 2 away from me... that most lulling and pleasant of all the C-Span family! C-Span 2 is the one with all the books. Why, C-Span 2 is where I once witnessed an informative lecture by the father of Agent "M."! So its sentimental attachments for the "blog" are many. The worst part was, befuddled by the blank space where C-Span 2 should have been, I accidentally turned over to Headline News, a channel that, as I recalled it, showed headline news. But instead there was a very angry and dyspeptic little white fellow who wished to shake his finger in my face and berate me for the stances he imagines me to have taken on the issues of the day. No one wishes to be talked to in such a manner, especially by a stranger. The effect on my intended lulling was disastrous. I miss you, C-Span 2! You were my decorous friend. From what I understood in the New York Times today, Andy Richter's new show on NBC is about an amateur detective whose sidekick has a store that rents VHS tapes. AND THIS VERY SAME WEEK McSweeney's was kind enough to "e-publish" my little "e-book" about an amateur detective whose sidekick has a store that rents VHS tapes! Now McSweeney's was sitting on this tale for several months, and obviously Mr. Richter and I have no connection, and no way of seeing one another's works in progress. This goes to show what I have mentioned before: the universe does not want anyone to have an idea that he or she can claim for his or her own. I'm on to your game, universe! Wednesday, March 14, 2007 Okay, I'll try to explain it. I was on the phone with Jeff McNeil, who was looking up a particular "web" article about Bob Denver. Merely by coincidence, as McNeil was discussing this fact with me, I had my TV tuned to the Fox Movie Channel, whereon a Sandra Dee vehicle entitled TAKE HER, SHE'S MINE was in progress. Who should appear on my TV, in my living room, in a cameo role as a scruffy folk singer but the VERY SAME BOB DENVER? You heard me right, folks. AT THE EXACT SAME MOMENT, Bob Denver was the subject of an internet search, a telephone conversation, and a scene in a movie on the "cable" TV. How's your mind NOW? Blown, perhaps? I'm not kidding when I say I'm short on "blogging" time today. But lucky for me, a recent "post" seemed to touch a soft spot in the heart of our good friend Pia Z., who offers the following reflection, perfect for cutting-and-pasting: "When I worked at Cloverleaf Mall in Hattiesburg," Pia writes, "in the shoe department at Waldoff's, I'd walk down to Orange Julius for my lunch break, sit by myself at the yellow formica table, and watch for any cute guys who might be walking around. I ordered the same thing every time: a perfect, unadorned thin grilled hamburger (was the bun buttered?) and crunchy fries. What is that mysterious powder they'd dump into the blender that made an Orange Julius taste like a frothy Dreamsicle?" The "blog" is sorry to report it was a raw egg, Pia! When I was speaking with Jeff McNeil on the phone today, we both witnessed the most astonishing coincidence involving Bob Denver! It was possibly the most astonishing thing that has ever happened to anyone since the time Agent "M." saw that dog. I wish I had time to "blog" about it. But I don't. You wouldn't believe it anyway. Tuesday, March 13, 2007 Circumstances at home have made it impossible for me to travel to Austin this week. Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine here! But I do want to apologize to the friends I expected to greet in Austin, and especially the staff of Book People, the store that was kind enough to sponsor the event. We just talked to Dan Brown, the director of the film that was the reason for the now-cancelled appearance. Dan says the opening night crowd (last night) was packed and that the audience was very responsive. So that's nice to hear. I leave you now with a "still" from the production. Monday, March 12, 2007 The great thing about the "internet" is when you say, "Huh, I wonder if Orange Julius is still in business." And then you can find out, rather than getting some work done. "Click" here to find an Orange Julius location near you! You know how partial I am to Donald Markstein and his knowledge of weird old superheroes. Don't you? DON'T YOU? Well, here's one who was just an eye that flew around looking at people. You're welcome! You know how sometimes we like words here at the "blog." Words such as charivari, for example. Well, our old "Blog" Buddy Jim Whorton has just read, and enjoyed immensely, a story called "The Housebreaker of Shady Hill" by John Cheever. Mr. Whorton was happy to run across the word "parablendeum," which occurred in the story "several times," according to his assessment. "Evidently that is some old-fashioned stuff that bread sacks were once made out of," Mr. Whorton would have us believe. This "blog" is going out to everyone who is concerned about my sleeping habits, by which of course I mean the entire world. They don't give a "blog" to just anyone! So, last night's insomnia viewing was, largely, a movie called BRICK. It seemed to be an engaging, stylish, solemn, dark little crime drama of recent vintage. But I did not allow myself to become too involved or attached, as I entered the story thirty or forty minutes late. One day I hope to view it from the beginning. But last night I used it merely as "home base" for the "flipping around" I enjoy so. One thing to which I happened to "flip" was FOUL PLAY, which was airing on TCM at the same time BRICK was airing elsewhere. I "flipped" to FOUL PLAY just as the opening chorus of THE MIKADO was being sung, with Dudley Moore conducting. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that in BRICK I happened to catch a scene in which a young woman recites the ballad "The sun, whose rays are all ablaze with ever-living glory..."? That ballad is from... yes, THE MIKADO! As everyone in the world will no doubt recall, my last bout of sleeplessness was enlivened by Mike Leigh's TOPSY-TURVY, which is all about the very first production of THE MIKADO... and ends with the aforementioned ballad! Aforementioned, I said! The last line of that ballad: "We're very wide awake, the moon and I." Food for thought! Food for thought in the world of "blogging"! This is what I "blog" about, folks! This is what a "blog" is! (Pictured, Shirley Henderson, who sang the "The sun, whose rays..." at the close of the Leigh film.) Sunday, March 11, 2007 Trying to come up with a reason why I haven't been sleeping, I heard myself say, "I'm wound up from the ground up." Then I thought, "Perhaps I have just invented this catchy phrase!" So I did the "google" on it just to be sure. Well, there were five matches for other people who have been "wound up from the ground up." So I did not invent the phrase after all. If you use the "google" properly you will soon find that you have not and cannot invent anything. It's all already on the "google." Too bad for you! Saturday, March 10, 2007 We are depressed by the news that Agent "M.'s" psychic powers have been greatly reduced by her immodest consumption of "Buttery Nipples," an alcoholic concoction of some sort. For this reason, our popular fortunetelling feature, "Your Daily Future," has been temporarily suspended while Agent "M." enters rehab. We wish her the best of luck in conquering her buttery demons. Friday, March 09, 2007 Well, Lizabeth Scott has fallen off the page and into the "blog" archives again. So it's time to give you a new picture of her. Really the "blog" has become a collection of arbitrary compulsions. That's just the way it is! I don't know, perhaps in some small way I'm doing a service for the community. I have noticed, for example, that if one does a "Google Image" search for Lizabeth Scott, one comes up with numerous pictures of people who are not Lizabeth Scott, people such as Mary Astor and Robert Mitchum. This is the one place on the "web" to guarantee that each picture of Lizabeth Scott is actually Lizabeth Scott! This week's photo is blurry, plus Ms. Scott looks sad and mopey. The first one is still the best. What am I doing with my life? Insomnia strikes deep in the heartland! A pleasant side effect: I got to watch a late showing of the Mike Leigh film TOPSY-TURVY on the Sundance channel. That movie has layers, people! Layers! Also, the guy who plays Arthur Sullivan uses a cigarette holder in numerous scenes. It's strange about these men-with-cigarette-holders sightings. I'll go a month without one and then there's a deluge. The man who plays the comic singer (and writer) George Grossmith in TOPSY-TURVY uses a cigarette holder as well, during a scene in which he consumes some bad oysters. For anyone interested in why I started counting men with cigarette holders: I don't know. But "click" here for an early example of the phenomenon. Oh, how innocent and amusing it all seemed then, before it ran our very lives! (Pictured, the real George Grossmith, smoking a cigarette sans holder.) Thursday, March 08, 2007 Yes, my sister brought over Oscar ballots on the night of the Oscars and we had to guess who would win. Is that embarrassing? Oh, is it? Well, what about when I tell you that I guessed correctly on the first twelve categories IN A ROW? That's everything from Art Direction all the way through Visual Effects, baby! I did a victory dance over "The Danish Poet" (best animated short) until I exhibited most of the symptoms of an actual heart attack, but I kept going! Because I had had too many special Oscar cupcakes. But that's not why I can't throw away my ballot. I can't throw it away because I drew some truly great doodles on it, including Charlie Brown, Batman, Mickey Mouse with large jowls and muttonchops (the result of messing up his lower face and trying to disguise the fact), Donald Duck in a nice pinstripe suit, a young Clint Eastwood, and best of all, a chimpanzee. My chimpanzee had his hands raised in the air, and eventually I thought of putting an Oscar in one of them. Like my chimpanzee had won an Oscar! Good for him! Oh, I can't stop looking at these magnificent doodles. I wish I could show them to you, but I am just now learning about "computers." Now is the time when I should remind everyone who will be in Austin, TX, for the SXSW festival to come see me at Book People, Austin's huge, fine independent bookstore, on March 16th at 3PM. That's Friday afternoon... a week and a day from tomorrow, folks! I'll be reading from my story "The Pipe," from my book THE MYSTERIOUS SECRET OF THE VALUABLE TREASURE. As I have mentioned before, a short film has been made from that story, and it will debut at the festival. Please drop by and say hello! Wednesday, March 07, 2007 I guess I should mention that I just saw John Cusack smoking a cigarette with the aid of a cigarette holder. In a movie. I don't want to count cigarette holders any more! Yet I am honor bound. As you know, we frown on morbidity here at the "blog." But Theresa has uncovered something strangely jaunty ("click" here) to show to her class tomorrow. It's a Technicolor song-and-dance number about a subject we have sworn never to address again. Listen for the especially cheerful chorus near the end! Our squeamishness keeps us from typing it here, but you'll know what we mean. It's the part that goes, "You can't **** your ***** ** in Massachusetts!" Odd. Hey, guess what the McSweeney's web site did for me? They turned a crazy old story of mine into an e-book, if there is such a thing. It even has a nice cover featuring a vigilant spaceman and a woman I should hope is his wife! I wish I could figure out how to show you the cover through "internet" magic! But I guess you will have to "click" on it for yourself and get a nice surprise. Warning: the story is full of unnecessarily saucy language! I can't recall why. Tuesday, March 06, 2007 Well, I am sad to report that a crazy old lady does not really want Charles to burn down Edith Wharton's house. It was all part of a publicity campaign for a novel that's coming out soon, apparently. Charles could not remember the name of the novel, so I guess that part of the publicity campaign did not work. But it sure had me going! I'm sorry if I got everyone excited over nothing. Why must I continue to notice things about cigarette holders? But I feel that I would be letting you down if I did not mention that the bakelite cigarette holder brought to my attention by Jeff McNeil appears to be the SAME cigarette holder that Phyllis Diller is using on the album cover brought to my attention by my ex-boss Lisa. At least it appears to be the same model! This cannot be confirmed, as bidding stops on the item in 30 minutes and we will never be able to get it down to Pendarvis Labs for proper examination. This way lies madness! Will everyone PLEASE stop bringing things to my attention? Jeff McNeil has brought to my attention that EBay bidding is almost over for an art deco bakelite cigarette holder with rhinestones and a gold bezel center. As I have tried to make clear in the past, this is precisely the sort of thing I DO NOT want brought to my attention. Monday, March 05, 2007 Well, I had to work this weekend, and work is an activity that makes me very tired and sad. So I missed Sunday's paper, and it has taken a while to catch up. But man, was it worth it! "Blog" Buddy Tom Bissell got a great, great review for his new book. Let's start a book club just so we can read it! Hey, I just thought of something. Bissell is the brand name of a kind of broom or vacuum cleaner or something, I think, and if I'm right, then my headline is some sort of pun, maybe. Hilarious! Better, anyway, than "Nam and Pop," the title of the NY Times book review, and the only suspect part of a wonderful piece that will make you want to run out and buy Mr. Bissell's book. Do it, I say! Oh yeah, earlier tonight we saw Cyd Charisse jam a cigarette holder into Gene Kelly's mouth. He wasn't expecting it, and it was her cigarette holder, not his, but just to be on the safe side we're going to put it in our special "blog" cigarette holder tally. Somebody's got to do it! Welcome back to "Today's Weather," the part of the "blog" where we talk about the weather. Today's "Today's Weather" weather comes to us from our corporate spy "L." You may remember her from previous "posts." Anyway, listen to this! She writes: "Thursday night, I had to work at the datacenter until 3:00 in the morning, and there was a blizzard outside. I had to shovel my co-worker out. (He's way overweight and was in total freakout mode, so I was afraid for his heart.) While I was working in the datacenter though, someone hit my car." Bad weather! Bad, bad weather. Sunday, March 04, 2007 As regular readers of the "blog" will appreciate, it has been a strange week for the U.S. Postal Service. Just had a call from my friend Charles, who read to me over the phone from a letter he received yesterday, postmarked Springfield, Massachusetts. The writer, a person unknown to Charles, is by her own account an elderly woman who lives somewhere near "the Edith Wharton house," near enough, in fact, so that tourists visiting the Edith Wharton house often park in front of her (the letter writer's) mailbox. In the letter, this person requests that Charles burn down the Edith Wharton house, and offers to pay him for the service, as she is (in her words) "not without means." Charles's qualifications for such a task? Well, the letter writer seems to believe that Charles is responsible for burning down Emily Dickinson's house, for which, the letter writer assures Charles, she is "sure he had his reasons." Anyway, that's weird! (Pictured, Edith Wharton.) Remember how upset I was because the "previous posts" section of this "blog," even when one "clicked" on an old "post" such as "Mitigating Nixonian Reflection," showed, in actuality, the CURRENT "posts" rather than the "previous posts" (that is, "posts" PREVIOUS to the old "post" one had "clicked" on) its title promised? Do you? Do you remember that? Of course you do! You have thought of little else, I'll wager! Well, now it seems to be fixed. So get some rest. Saturday, March 03, 2007 It has been a goodly amount of time since we have discussed writers and the favored comic strips and comic books of their tender young lives. We have held back, mainly, because of the fears and anxieties of our sensitive publisher, who finds that talk of such low matters is inappropriate when trying to ensnare readers of a certain lofty caliber and gender. To which we reply, "Huh?" In any case, we must share the fact that the novelist Ashley Warlick, as a young lady, enjoyed reading BLONDIE. She found the title character fetchingly designed and drawn. She was fascinated by the classiness of such a beautiful woman who seemed able to laugh off the foibles (Ms. Warlick used another word, indeed a saucy and unprintable one, in place of "foibles") of a husband such as Dagwood. I was able to inform Ms. Warlick, thanks to my obsessive reading and rereading, as a teenager, of the 1977 edition of THE SMITHSONIAN COLLECTION OF NEWSPAPER COMICS, that Blondie had started out in the late twenties or early thirties of the last century as a kind of showgirl or flapper, and that Dagwood had been, early on, a rich young beau whose family disowned him over his love of Blondie. Ms. Warlick appeared to absorb this news with relish! We were able to confirm the facts of Blondie's early life, upon returning home, via the always valuable Toonopedia of Mr. Don Markstein. An odd call from Jeff McNeil: It seems as if the publisher to whom he recently submitted his novel turns out to be a subsidiary of the Maryland Grape Growers Association. But the story doesn't end there! Just the other day McNeil found the original envelope in which he had mailed the novel shredded and tattered and empty, languishing in his mailbox with a note from the Atlanta postmaster offering to reimburse McNeil for postage and enquiring as to the original contents. Yes, McNeil's novel has been pilfered from the U.S. mail! The crime most likely occurred in the Atlanta area. Keep your eyes peeled for stray literature! Thursday, March 01, 2007 Hi, everybody. As I mentioned, expect light "blogging" for the next few days. I did want to let you know to look for the March issue of THE BELIEVER. That interview I told you about a long time ago, with Ms. Joey Lauren Adams, is in there. So go out and buy it and console yourself about the skimpiness of the "blog."

Esperanza Ebersole hopes her Bluffton-based radio station will further open the waves of communication between her Hispanic listeners and English-speaking residents. Beginning later this month, 1430 AM will introduce on-air Spanish lessons for English speakers. She envisions the first 30 minutes to be dedicated to learning Spanish and the second 30 minutes for listeners to call in with questions. "We want to help others learn our culture so we can have better communication," Ebersole said. "It's good to learn another language. The more you know the better. We're trying to open some windows and doors." Ebersole is fluent in Spanish, English, Italian and French. She is an artist first, and a business woman second. As a young woman, she lived and studied in Paris to be a fresco painter and later donated one of her paintings to an Italian church. Ebersole's career has been colorful, not unlike the many paintings that hang on the walls of Radio Sol's offices - walls that include the faces of people from Morocco, South America and Mexico. Ebersole, who moved to New York from Colombia when she was 18 to attend college, lived there for many years. "I'm a New Yorker at heart," she said. But 9/11 changed everything, and she decided to come to the Lowcountry to visit her sister. She ended up staying. Since 2001, she has owned a bakery in Bluffton and a consulting firm that provides legal and financial aid to the Hispanic community. "I saw a real need for the people who didn't really know how things worked," she said. That need eventually turned into broadcasting across the AM airwaves to a growing population of hotel and restaurant workers, day laborers, construction workers, golf course attendants, and others, who she says contribute a lot to the community. She worries about the final phase of the E-Verify law, known officially as the South Carolina Illegal Immigration Reform Act, which requires employers to use E-Verify for all new hires or only employ workers who possess a valid driver's license or identification card issued by the state or other identification approved by the Department of Motor Vehicles. All public employers and public contractors with 500 or more employees were required to comply by January 2009, all private employers with 100 or more employees by July 2009, and then all employers by July 2010, according to various state websites. "Business will suffer," she said. "Who is going to clean a hotel room for $3," she asked. Ebersole said she knows a woman who makes exactly that much at a Hardeeville hotel. "There's no value given to these people and they're taken advantage of. These people need the money, so they do it." Many of the people Ebersole has met over the years face real obstacles. Here's just one example she shared during an interview last week: A Mexican man lived and worked here for 10 years, all the while saving his money. Back home, a group of thugs caught wind of his success and kidnapped his niece and held her for ransom. They threatened to harm her. Ebersole said he had no choice but to pay the ransom and lost all of the money he had saved for 10 years. He now works on a Pennsylvania farm in an effort to start over, she said. "People are fearful ... it's really ugly out there," she said. "The crime took over Mexico." Even so, Ebersole said she is empathetic, but believes that rules should be followed. "I don't agree that people should be here illegally," she said. "There are a lot of opportunities here and they need to do it the right way. I love this country. I've adopted this country as my own. I would give my life for this country." Radio Sol will soon have a second recording studio and increase it's on air offerings, to include different kinds of Hispanic music. The language classes are part of the AM radio station's expansion. It will celebrate its eighth anniversary this month with a Latin Music Festival June 19 at Shelter Cove. Two months ago, Ebersole moved her offices from Godfrey Place off Goethe Road to Dr. Mellichamp Drive next to Mi Tierra restaurant in Old Town. "We're really happy here," she said. "We're at the center of Bluffton." Latin Music Festival When: 3 to 10 p.m. June 19Where: Shelter Cove, Hilton Head IslandDescription: Hear the sounds of Latin and South America, with headliner Diana Reyes of Mexico. There will be dancing, food and entertainment. More than 8,000 people are expected to attend the festival which in celebration of Radio Sol's eighth anniversary. Cost: $25Details: To learn more, call 757-9974.

What Are Some Natural, Yet Safe, Ways To Induce Labor? Remember that even though these are natural approaches to inducing labor, you should still talk things over with your healthcare provider to ensure it’s safe for labor to begin. Due dates are not an exact science, and any form of induction – natural or medical – may increase the chance of preterm labor if your baby is not full term (38-42 weeks gestation.) Our top list of natural induction methods: Let’s face it, sex is probably more fun than being hooked up to an I.V. of pitocin or having a doctor place artificial prostaglandin gel near your cerivix via suppository, tablet or balloon catheter. Your cervix needs to ripen (soften) before it’s “ready” for labor. Your healthcare provider may suggest using an artificial prostaglandin cervical ripening agent to help start labor, but did you know semen is chock full of prostaglandin? Your partner may be more than willing to “help get labor started.” Dr. David Rivera, MD, FACOG, an OB in Lombard, IL, shares this story: “A woman I worked with many years ago was tired of being pregnant. I told her sex might help. She said, “I can’t! I lost my mucus plug.” I replied, “That won’t matter.” Her eyes lit up and she said, “OOOO, I wonder what he is doing for lunch!” She came in two days later and delivered in 20 minutes, before I got to the hospital. The second thing she said was, “It worked.” The first thing she said was, “What the hell took you so long?” If your doctor has said no intercourse – for example, if your bag of water has already ruptured – or if you don’t feel up for it, other forms of sex can be beneficial, too. When you have an orgasm, your body releases oxytocin, the hormone that causes the uterus to contract. Nipple stimulation – manually, such as taking a shower and letting water run on your chest for 1-2 minutes or with a breast pump – may also help. “Nipple stimulation causes oxytocin release, which will start contractions,” says Dr. Rivera “but there is no guarantee those contractions will develop into labor.” Acupuncture or Acupressure If there is an acupuncturist skilled in working with pregnant women in your community, ask her about the specific points where needles can be applied. In her book Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn, Penny Simkin explains that It is thought that this approach unblocks energy flow lines along critical meridians, and that blocked energy can impair the start of labor. There are also two acupressure points that you or your partner can apply pressure to -- Spleen 6 is a point on your lower leg, and Hoku is a spot on the back of your hand. Walking promotes gravity, and can help your baby apply pressure to the cervix. It’s a great position to use when labor has already begun, but may also help labor to begin without any of the side effects that may result from medical induction. At the very least, you’ll be able to enjoy the fresh air, relax, and get a bit of exercise. What about those Old Wives Tales? “I don’t recommend castor oil,” says Dr. Rivera, explaining it will likely just cause bad cramps but no baby. Find out more here why castor oil is not a good method for inducing labor. Other fun methods might work, though! The maternity salad The night before my due date with my first son, I visited Caioti Pizza Café in Los Angeles to eat what’s become known as “THE Salad.” According to www.maternitysalad.com, the special dressing famous for kick-starting labor is made with “pure olive oil, balsamic vinegar, sun-dried tomatoes, spices, herbs, seasonings and love.” I ate THE Salad on a Friday, went into labor Saturday and gave birth early Sunday morning. While I’ll never know for sure if it was the dressing or my body’s time to go into labor, it was fun and many women swear by it. The same goes for spicy foods, and some moms find a combination of natural methods work to induce labor, like Marci S., mother of two near Boston, MA who says,“I ate Spicy Chinese food and walked around the block and went into labor 6 hours later!" Even medical professionals may believe some of these tales – or at least be able to tell them: Stacey V. is a Registered Nurse and mother of six in Michigan who knows first-hand about the old wives’ tale about going into labor when the weather is bad. “I had one on the record hottest day that year in a bad thunderstorm, and one during a blizzard,” she says. And for the daring….the trampoline! According to Dr. Rivera, “My partner’s wife started her labor by bouncing on a trampoline for 45 minutes.” For those moms who don't quite feel coordinated enough for the trampoline, sitting and gently bouncing on an exercise ball might be a good alternative. When faced with the induction decision, two important questions to ask are: 1. Am I ok? 2. Is my baby ok? If the answer to both is “yes,” you have a choice about whether or not to induce labor. Sometimes simply waiting for your body to be ready to begin labor on its own is ideaI, as is the “mind over matter” approach. I know more than one mom who was scheduled for an induction on a Monday morning, then went into labor naturally on Sunday night! If you have questions about induction, be sure to ask your doctor or midwife to explain the benefits, risks and alternatives to medically inducing, and as I’ve mentioned, even the natural approaches, too. Here’s to a safe, healthy labor and birth! For more on labor and delivery:

People came from far and wide to have a look through old man McGuffin 's possessions. When the eccentric old coot died his family chose to hold a massive estate sale to sell off most of the obscure items and various junk that he'd collected over the years. Jack had always been a fan of unusual things, so of course he was first in line when the house was opened for business. Most of the old man's collection hadn't interested him - what use did he have for a box of flatware from 1973 or a rusty pogo stick? - but there was one particular item that jumped out at him. A music book, to be precise. The book of piano scores looked older than dirt itself with its withered yellow pages that crinkled when Jack turned them. There was no composer or book title listed and the song titles were all bizarre one-word affairs such as Success . Two dollars seemed more than fair for a book of new piano tunes to noodle around with, so Jack gladly made the purchase. Book in hand, Jack returned home. Well, if one could call it home. It was really little more than a simple dwelling with rusted pipes, peeling linoleum, and all sorts of skittering noises echoing in the walls. The only thing of value in the whole place was a little Casio keyboard that he'd bought at a rummage sale in his youth. After dropping out of high school ten years ago life went straight downhill for Jack. He'd never been able to hold a decent job, women shunned him for someone with a future, and he'd maxed out the few credit cards that companies were willing to risk on him. With Jack's life in a downward spiral, his puny piano was the only thing that gave him pleasure anymore. The first song in the book was titled Calm. Jack placed his fingers on the dinky keyboard and began to play, his hands seemingly moving on their own across the keys as he played the melody. The serene music seemed to take him away from his troubles and all thoughts of overdue bills, his crippling lonliness, and inability to hold down a steady job were forgotten. By the time he'd finished the song, he felt at peace with his troubles. Anxious for more music, Jack turned the page. The next song was one he'd seen at the yard sale, the one titled Success. Jack began the piece and as he played something wonderous happened. The high school GED hanging on the wall faded and rippled, becoming a Master's degree in business management. The stack of job applications for work at fast food restaurants and temp jobs shimmered and became a stack of contracts that needed his stamp of approval. A warm fuzziness invaded Jack's brain as he finished the song and by the time he'd lifted his hands from the keys, he had a complete knowledge of how to manage a Fortune 500 company. Oblivious to the changes in his life, Jack turned to the next song, this one entitled Wealth. Just as before, while he played his surroundings changed. The overdue credit card bills became notices of credit limit increases, the losing lottery tickets gathering dust on the table transformed into million dollar winners, and his dilapidated hovel morphed into a luxurious condo full of trendy electronics and comfortable furnature. Even the little Casio keyboard became a full size digital piano, and all without Jack realizing anything had changed. As far as he knew, things had always been this way. The songs went on and on, and with each one the circumstances of Jack's life changed and reality shifted. Health cleared away the cholesterol buildup that was silently killing him. Skill added a private basketball court to the backyard and threw in the ability to make the most of it to Jack's body as a bonus. Love caused a gold wedding ring to appear on Jack's finger, the condo to expand to provide comfortable living for two, and the lone photo of Jack at the piano hanging on the wall changed to show Jack and a lovely woman at the piano playing a duet. The book nearly complete, Jack turned to the last song: Fear. His hands hovered above the keys for a moment as the door opened and the women from the picture came in. "Almost done?" she asked. "Yeah, but I guess I can quit early. How was your day?" "Just another typical day in court. The judge dismissed the case." "Another win for the lovely lawyer Laura," Jack said, rising from the piano bench and kissing her. "How much time before your sister's party?" "Another few hours. Why?" "There's just enough time to shoot some hoops. I'll be out back." "I wish you wouldn't play on that court. The backboard's loose and I'm afraid you're going to break your neck hanging from it like you always do." "I'm so close to perfecting my slam dunk though," Jack said on his way to the court, "Trust me, honey. I'll be fine." Laura was on her way out of the room when the music book caught her eye. "Hmm, this is new," she said to herself and sitting on the bench. She placed her fingers over the keys and began to play. Outside, Jack was enjoying the peace of the court and practicing his shots and dunks. In a moment of enthusiasm he leapt up, slammed the ball through the hoop, and grabbed on, counting his seconds of hang time. The added weight was too much for the aging backboard and the whole assemblage came loose from the pole, falling to the ground and taking Jack with it. He landed on his back and didn't even have a chance to scream as the backboard slammed straight into his neck, crushing his windpipe. As the world faded to white around him Jack could only hear the minor chords coming from the piano, the sounds of Fear. Written for The Blood is the Life: A Frightful Halloween Quest.

Hello hello hello helloooo! Well I survived my first week in the concrete jungle! So different but I love it. Although I do kind of miss my helmet. It´s a lot different walking instead of biking. For example, the first two days we ran down the sidewalk full speed, dodging pedestrians to arrive safely in our apartment on time. But let me tell you that my companion is a champ. She has a hip replacement and still walks faster than I do! We always say hi to everyone who passes by. It´s funny because in Zárate, almost everyone said hi back. Here, the people don´t have a lot of confidence in other people and most of the time ignore us or are really surprised and ask where they know us from. The pre existence, of course! But our ward is so so great. It is a lot bigger, that´s for sure. And the members help us a lot. We had to give talks this Sunday....kind of short notice. It was a sacrament meeting of missionary work. I´m really excited to work here and find and help new people! I know that the field is ready for the....siega? Shoot I can´t remember the word but you know what I mean. There are soooo many people prepared here! I can just feel it. We recently started teaching a bunch of families that all live in this one big place. It´s hard to explain, but it´s like a building with a big gate, and inside are all these rooms with different families. Last week, Hna Peralta and her companion were looking for a reference and ended up talking to a girl named Ailen and her friends. This week we went back to talk to them and their families and are now teaching a bunch of people all in this little space. (Oh and we got locked in on Sunday for about 1 1/2 hours because the door got stuck...long story). It´s so fun because there are so many kids. They are the best to teach. Five of them went to church on this Sunday and we are going to continue working with them all and their families! We have also started teaching a woman named Estela, who was a referral from one of the less active members in our ward. She is in a wheelchair, so on Sunday we wheeled her to church. We got there about a half hour late (other long story), but she loved church and is preparing to be baptized. There are so many people to teach and so little time! Three members also brought their non member friends to church. Members are so important in missionary work! About the train wreck, it was in our area. President Gulbrandsen called us to make sure we were alright and that there wasn´t any possibility that any other missionaries were on the train. It happened at about 8 in the morning, so we were all inside studying. One of the members has a friend whose sister was killed and whose brother was in the hospital in critical condition and they are also members. So we have been praying for that family and everyone else involved. It was a really unfortunate accident and I´m sure all your prayers would be appreciated! Don´t worry, we hardly ever take trains, and will never have a need to take that train. I know that we are always protected! I don´t have a lot of time but I would like to leave you with a scripture. Today I was reading 1 Nefi 17:50-51 and contemplating how cool Nephi is. I know that when the Lord commands us, we need to do it, no más. There is ALWAYS a way to follow the commandments. It requires faith and work, but it CAN be done and it WILL bring blessings. Exact obedience is so important and gives us so much strength. Okay I really have to go. I love you lots!

Transcript for 'The Help' Looks to Win Big at Academy Awards We're counting down to would be Academy Awards on Oscar Sunday and -- help is up for four awards including best actress and best supporting actress. And ABC's Deborah Roberts had a lucky task of sitting down with the cast. -- serves up a wrenching slice of life in 1960s Mississippi. A time when black maids clean the homes of white women -- raised their children. But would never treated his real human being. Yeah. Viola Davis stars as the long suffering a -- the -- impact and extremely fetal life could be me. And just last -- -- -- Screen Actors Guild award for best actor. That's what is there but a dream you can't trade in your dream -- -- the dream and I know you love Merrill street but it had to be great to hear your name instead of us. It was pretty good. I. It would have been great hearing her name though two bit as grim here in my name and you -- so genuinely shocked at that moment I'm still. That little you know. Black girl from central falls Rhode Island with a short Afro. -- my sneakers who Salvation Army you know going to school. And just dreaming big never really really believing that. I was gonna see those dreams to fruition. And then all of a sudden -- Baylor and then people kinda think you look Q. You know and and -- -- beyond you -- political -- -- is never followed me -- -- -- the bit about flat feet behind him. -- Octavia Spencer has claimed several awards including a -- for best supporting actress for her role as the quick tempered mini. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- The -- taught me. That it's not about whether the glass is half empty or the glass is half full is that you -- -- glass we're that you're given a class. It's all new to this budding star who won't forget a painful lesson learned recently on the -- red carpet. Three -- -- speaks. Passive. I decided to overcompensate. Overloaded at the globes and I thought of hair at the island is -- And Cooper three I right after that I have level never do it again I'm -- -- you can do three there it was a cautionary tale kept popping up. -- Octavia has -- to theme alongside her former roommate and longtime -- Tate Taylor. -- rector of the health it was his first shot at a big studio movie. We accomplish this think we knew we had something. Special. And that feeling for me it was just it's been hard to top that but to watch my best friend and roommate. Who we've argued with over who think the last bullet -- and that's -- -- ahead. He -- last moments you know. You know written seventeen year over my successes and -- -- -- special show of hands how many of you really couldn't. Invasion. The idea Oscar talk. Two years ago. I don't think any of us could imagine that we be sitting here today DreamWorks -- Stacy Snyder went to great lengths to turn the best selling book into looked down. At the very end and then when -- -- gives her last. You know soliloquy the mine alive. You could hear a pin drop and people work in tears. And I thought to myself wow this is something is happening here. -- -- -- -- -- -- legal have a writer and friend Monday. Our guess is -- -- me. I think that ably represented probably 99.9. Percent. The people who existed in 1963. Which is a person that outwardly went to work did their job. Got along to get along but inside for all things burning dreams and hopes that this hires and stream it but just know kind of avenue. Or permission. Was given for them to explore that. I have to tell you the most of wrenching scene for me. Was the bridge -- since. And had nothing this week. -- disease couldn't get the that requires everyone found to have a separate action for the current account I did that for two weeks it was very difficult I'll go home man. And I that -- didn't yet another -- -- -- And lemon pie. And call Octavia. Have you made space when Oscar. No I would never be that presumptuous there are brilliant performances in that category so it can go either way I mean I'm in the -- of wolves Meryl Streep. You know. Rooney Mara Michelle Williams. Glenn Close I can't even. For in my mind -- it could go there on the 46 year old woman had been doing this for 23 years. I've had a lot of help along the way I can't even Begin to. Wrap my mind around -- why should thank. And -- what I I have to pay homage to. I mean the list this whole long it would be. How do you -- minute. He's right -- -- -- down and you read him off real emphasis. On real bad yeah. Fingers crossed for both of them the sag awards are of course a big predictor which may bode very well for Octavia. And by -- Elizabeth -- for -- Taylor. Of course he was shut out but he it's his first major motion pictures so in some ways he's already won what a great pictured is not a great group Deborah brings you so much and we'll find out who takes -- he had any -- on -- Sunday. February 26 at 7 PM eastern right here on ABC. This transcript has been automatically generated and may not be 100% accurate.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010 Here is a look at our schedule: 4:45AM - Max's alarm goes off and by 5:10am he is out of bed and out the door. I get up when he leaves and I get ready for the day. 5:30/6:00AM - KayLynn awakens. I try to let her get up on her own because she is so much happier if I do. Some days I wake her and take her to the babysitter in her pjs - but usually she is dressed and ready for the day. 6:00AM - KayLynn gets her soy milk and toast while she watches about 15 minutes of cartoons - actually she spends this time waking up fully. 6:20AM - We pack up the car and the kid and we head to the baby sitter's house. KayLynn and I chat the whole way - she usually talks about whatever babysitter she is going to see that day, and their pets. 7:00AM~3:30PM - I work. KayLynn plays at babysitters 3:50~5:15PM - 2 days a week I Pick KayLynn up and we go play till I workout. We either go to the park, or the library, or home and I use this time as condensed playtime with her. The other days, I work out and then I get her and we go play. 5:35~6:30PM - Workout/spin class 6:45PM - Home getting dinner for KayLynn, and then afterwards she gets a bath and we read books till bedtime - she is in bed before 8pm 8:15PM - Clean up the house and get dinner for Max on. Pack our stuff for the next day, and pack lunches for KayLynn and Max. 9:45PM - Max gets home and we eat dinner. I try to wait and eat dinner with him, but sometimes I am too hungry! Of course, Mondays are a little more complicated because I try to do Pilate's from 7:30~8:30 as well. My dad is watching K for me, in the church nursery, so that I can do it, so I should be able to be more consistent with that. Wednesdays Max is off, so I workout in the morning or afternoon, depending on how I feel, then we have family time or I get some time by myself and KayLynn gets daddy time. What do you do? Monday, March 29, 2010 Feeding the goats at the zoo, with her palm up, just like granny taught her! Friday, March 26, 2010 ~Don't touch KayLynn's head - it will make you feel like you are abusive. If you even look like you are going to touch her hair, she grabs her head and says, "Ow". ~Since she has learned to say goodbye to the Krulish girls each afternoon by hugging them, she now says goodbye to Beider and the cats each morning by giving them hugs. ~Yesterday in the play area at the YMCA a ~This weekend marks the first full weekend that my husband and I have ever had in our entire married life. Actually, I think I can safely say, ever. I am so excited. Wednesday, March 24, 2010 What we do: KayLynn has been in the service, except for the sermon, the last few weeks. Due to KayLynn's likeness to her mother, she talks a lot. It is hard for her to be quiet longer than a few seconds at a time. We are working on it at home so that she can get used to the idea. Probably we will start trying to have her sit through the whole service a little at a time. However, we don't want to exasperate her by expecting something that she is not yet able to do. We do want KayLynn to love church and enjoy fellowship with the body. I firmly believe that while we are mothers/fathers sometimes the worship that the Lord expects of us, is not always listening to the sermon; sometimes it is teaching our children to worship. Monday, March 22, 2010 Sunday when I got home, we did not do a whole lot (that includes cleaning the house!). I was so thankful when I showed up at home yesterday afternoon and my house was clean. My M-I-L had stopped by to pick up the vacuum she loaned us, and while she was there cleaned the house. Actually I haven't confirmed it was her, maybe it was just the fairies!! All-in-all a good day. Thursday, March 18, 2010 Lilia likes to be KayLynn's "Mommy" and have KayLynn on her lap! Apparently KayLynn called Aria, "Mom" and Lilia was quick to remind her that she has a mommy, and its not Aria. So, Aria has been dubbed, "Mia"Praise the Lord for such a wonderful answer to prayer. **This morning I woke KayLynn up to put on her coat and leave. She started to fuss (literally 2 seconds) and then opened her eyes, looked and me and said, "go bye bye?" and I said "Yes, we have to go to Mimi's". Her response? "Banana?" So, apparently waking early is not all bad! My resilient little girl surprises me. When we got in the car she just talked the whole way about seeing Mimi and Buddy(the dog). She is so sweet and cheerful - I could really learn a lesson from her. Tuesday, March 16, 2010 There is so much controversy over being a housewife and mother. There are those who believe that there is no Biblical reason that a mother should work outside the home, and if you do its because your priorities are not correct. I am not going to ask you whether or not you think I should be working. Mostly because I don't think any of you would actually tell me that you think I am sinning by working - even if that's what you believe. That said, I want to let you know that Max and I are working hard so that soon I will be home, taking care of KayLynn(maybe more), our home and my husband. We are making some major progress in that direction and our original goal (to be home by the time she was 5) is being shortened with each goal we reach and now we are hoping that I will be home by the time KayLynn is 3 (Summer 2011). So, please keep praying. On to the subject at hand... Do you do things in the home that help ends meet financially? Do you have ideas of things that mothers could do in the home to make money to help support their families? I strongly believe that the Proverbs 31 woman teaches us that we are to be industrious and provide for the home. I can't wait to hear your ideas. Friday, March 12, 2010 She is getting soo big. Tuesday, March 9, 2010 I read an article here that said you should spend 10 minutes of quality time with your children a day. The article did say that this was the minimum, but still, doesn't this sound a little low to you? The articles talked about how watching your child play at the park cannot make up for actually getting down and playing WITH them (which makes sense), but how do you play with your kids? Do you make things up or play with things you already have? How often do you read with them? One of the things that I am not looking forward to when Max gets his new job (Monday) is that they will not have the evening giggle fests that we all have most nights now. Well, we will, it will just be up to me. I comforted myself by caressing my beautiful new kitchen faucet. It really is so pretty. I can't wait to show you before/after pictures. Oooh and the bathroom... I am just so excited. So this morning I went to work early and took a shower - I would have worked out at the gym and used their shower, but KayLynn had a hard night, which caused me to be very rude to my husband making the night even longer. Thankfully he is very forgiving and I was able to go back to sleep. Monday, March 8, 2010 This is such a load off my mind. I am the kind of person who packs three weeks in advance - even if that means I wear the same outfit for three weeks before i leave (I actually did this once when I was younger!), and next Monday is when we need the first babysitter!! For all those of you who offered to babysit on a pinch-hit basis, don't cry. I am sure that you will get your chance - I have prmised Aria that should she need a day off, or one of her girls get sick, I have many who have offered to help. Thank you, thank you , thank you. Monday, March 1, 2010 I know that I am always telling you how much this girl talks, but my-oh-my. She is never quiet... Seriously, the girl rivals me. She often wants to go, 'read a look' or take a 'bah' no I didn't forget the "T" - she really says it like that and 'wash her belly'. She makes sure to 'less you' whenever you sneeze...or cough. She always wants to know, 'where's daddy?' 'where's kitty?' and, of course, after throwing something under the bed or sitting on it, 'where did it go?' Animal Sounds: Cat, Dog, Duck, Pig, Sheep (although she still wont say sheep), she still messes up cow and lion (I don't get the confusion either). Max has taught her her 'teeth' and 'chin' along with all the other body parts that she has learned. Max calls me her little translator because he can't understand KayLynn all the time, and I am constantly saying, "she said____". He also says that I am "KayLynn's own Google". She is always asking me questions, whether understandable or not. I try to tell her that she can ask daddy, because hearing, "Mommy?"every five seconds... I have told you before that KayLynn and Daddy have their 'cuddle' time every morning after I leave. I cannot sleep when KayLynn is in my arms - I am not really sure why. However, Max and KayLynn both have their best sleep when they are in each other's arms. They sleep like the dead. I now get up around 5am (a little later these days) and when KayLynn hears my alarm she comes into our room to sleep with daddy. The thing that cracks me up is that she closes the doors behind her - her door and ours! I don't know why I think that is so funny, but it is. I HATE whining. So, being the wonderful mother that I am, I taught KayLynn to say, 'help' instead. However, if I get asked to 'helf' one more time, I might shoot myself. She wants help with EVERYTHING. Our favorite is when she wants help doing something - that she can't do any part of. She wants me to 'helf' undress her baby. Then I must 'helf' re-dress her baby. We are making her a doll with Velcro clothes this week!

I recently,received a message from my sister that stated: ‘ Intense!! Profound picture right?? Powerful is an understatement. This is the story of many women. A woman who will give her all to a man who is incapable of reciprocating her love, selflessness, sacrifices and strength. A woman giving her all to a man who is dead intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. She gives some more because she believes if she tries harder ‘he will change’. He doesn’t. He sucks out all the life in her. Some women are lucky they get out of this parasitic relationships/unions. Others – not so lucky die in them. Some die physically, others spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Woman, who art thou? You are the perfect image of your Creator. You are LOVE! You are better of alone than in dead relationships which sooner or later will leave you all skin and bones, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Woman, who art thou?’ The message in the picture is absolutely intense and i could not help but stare at the picture for a while. The feeling that gripped my heart was that one of utter sorrow and sadness for the many in such a situation. To my mind i saw nothing else but a selfish kind of love. Isn’t it unfortunate how it is the most common type of love in the world and worse as clearly stated, many people die in it? I would however love to differ in the fact that it is only the woman who goes through it, some men do but the most affected remain to be women as we give our all with such sincerity that i cannot explain in words. Men would not understand what it is for a woman loves with her whole being and her soul. I once heard that for everything God created the devil created its identical replica, a copycat. In our case it would be while God defines love as selfless as He is to us, the devil defines his love as selfish. Does that sound familiar to anyone? It would seem nowadays no one wants to be in love if that love is not serving their every need. Look, the vows said at the altar are as good as they serve someone, once the vows require one to forget self and focus on the other they are offended and start moving on as it is no longer convenient for them. A woman who adds a few kilos for the sake of the beautiful children God gives us, suddenly becomes un-appealing to a husband, forcing his selfish self to find a younger, slimmer and beautiful version of the wife. A spouse afflicted by a terminal disease with no fault of their own being served with the exit of the healthier spouse hoping to find a better stress free and healthier spouse. A bored spouse issuing divorce papers for they did not sign up for boredom. A husband who, loves the services offered by the wife more than he loves her as a person. A spouse who does not even think twice when they cheat for after all it is in the nature of men to do so. A spouse who never provides enough yet requires everything to be in order when they get home. A spouse who is more than willing to take the first step out when a storm hits rather than stay and fight. How another only looks as appealing as the digits in their bank account and so much more. There is nothing else in these actions other than selfishness. It has always been about me and if it can’t be about me, it’s time to find the next host to feed from. Selfishness never gets satisfied, it keeps getting another each time it drains the current host. Same script different cast is always it’s motto. Guess that’s why despite having 10boyfriends or 10girlfriends such a person is never satisfied and will never be satisfied. A combination of selfless love and selfish love in a couple obviously draining the one with all the love to offer, thus the warning against being unequally yoked with your partner. How truly sad that we never listen. Then comes in selfless love. How truly beautiful this love is, founded in God’s agape love. A perfect love so many people have not yet experienced. Selfless love says your needs are before mine. I live to serve you. That my love is not conditional on your always being young or beautiful, as i saw beyond that, i saw and loved your soul too. It says you come first in my life before everything else. That i see you and despite us being 100years you remain to be the prettiest in the world. It says i will share with you every inch of my life. You mean more than earthly things to me, see i can lose that job, that meal, that comfort, just to live with you in the forest if i have to. Though the storms are fighting us from all angles, i will hold on to you for dear life for better for worse and if i die doing so let it be. No sickness is too hard for selfless love, it seats with you all the sick days and becomes your personal doctor in the day and night. It is that good that a year with selfless love is enough to satisfy you for a lifetime if that person died. Selfless love is always satisfied and even when it thinks of cheating it thinks no one would be better to cheat with other than you, as you are enough in every way. How so lovely selfless love is. It is even more amazing as it is renewed every day and it’s sustenance never failing. There is one aspect however to attaining selfless love and that aspect is God through His son Jesus Christ. He is the author of selfless love as He is love itself. A man desiring to experience such an amazing love, would have to first accept Jesus into their heart so that Jesus may teach them and supply them with selfless love for all around them and best, the love of their life. Some of us start innocently believing the love the devil offered was perfect and we say “i am so in love i have never felt this way before. Everything about him or her is perfect” yet when put to test this love does not succeed. Didn’t we think it would last forever at that first moment? It’s at that point the fakeness of the devil’s kind of love is exposed. In Jesus Christ however, we get a love that can never be shaken for we get it from the source of love and creator of love. He sustains it for you even when you cannot do it yourself. He renews it each morning. He gives you a perfect love story just as He had designed it to be. How so very tired i am of selfish love and how i pray all women and men would too. We can get so much more and experience a love story that has never been written in the world for our mortal minds could never imagine it. God offers such a love for a lifetime why not ask him for it? One of the things i love about God is that He never imposes Himself in anyone’s life despite His obvious ability to so. And so despite His desires that we all get to experience His perfect love in our relationships, he offers us a choice, to take up his selfless love or the selfish love. The choice is yours, what will it be?

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Anthony Michael Bourdain, born June 25, 1956, was a man with a rich and vibrant legacy. He took us on exotic adventures to explore the world and tried to expand the view of the audience on culinary arts and culture. He was much more to so many than a celebrity chef. Anthony Bourdain was an author, travel documentarian, and television personality. He used programs like A Cooks Tour and No Reservations to travel across the globe, focusing on the international culture, cuisine, and the human condition. He has sat down for humble lunches with President Obama, and his explosive personality has even been featured in cartoons like The Simpsons and popular FX series Archer. Bourdain has taken us to some of the most secluded corners of faraway places to chat with the locals and enjoy a simple dessert. Anthony Bourdain was widely regarded as one of the most influential chefs in the world. On June 8th, 2018 the world was shocked to hear that Anthony Bourdain had died at 61 years old. Even more heartbreaking was to learn his death was a suicide. Over the last several days, his passing has sparked a continuous stream of dialog about mental health and the need for treatment resources. Over the years the famous traveling chef fought against drugs like heroin, as well as depression. As we remember who Anthony Bourdain was, and as we call for letting go of stigma and pushing forward with helping those in need, it is important to look at the whole story. Anthony Bourdain first fought his way up the kitchen ladder in New York to become a long-time chef at Brasserie Les Hallas. Around this time, he wrote his breakthrough memoirs titled Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly, which took him beyond the cutting boards to carving his way through the literary map. Part of this first memoir describes the long journey that brought him to become a chef, and a notable element of his story is extreme excursions into drugs, strung out over years. In the book Kitchen Confidential he wrote about his experiences back in 1981 working at a restaurant: “We were high all the time, sneaking off to the walk-in refrigerator at every opportunity to ‘conceptualize.’ Hardly a decision was made without drugs. Cannabis, methaqualone, cocaine, LSD, psilocybin mushrooms soaked in honey and used to sweeten tea, secobarbital, tuinal, amphetamine, codeine and, increasingly, heroin, which we’d send a Spanish-speaking busboy over to Alphabet City to get.” Later, Bourdain became more open about discussing his drug use. He’d even said some of these problems should have killed him in his 20s. In 2014, he did an episode of his show Parts Unknown that highlighted the ongoing opioid epidemic in Massachusetts. During the episode he says, “Somebody who wakes up in the morning and their first order of business is (to) get heroin — I know what that’s like,” Parts Unknown went on to be honored with five Emmy awards. Eventually, Anthony Bourdain found himself kicking heroin in the 80s in drug rehab. When talking about finally getting clean he said, “And we’re the lucky ones. We made it out alive. There are a lot of guys that didn’t get that far. But you know, I also don’t have that many regrets either.” However, he admits to still worked long hours in New York kitchens interspersed with binges that consisted of cocaine and alcohol. Following rehab that Bourdain had cleaned up his act, although he continued drinking alcohol. He later wrote, “Most people who kick heroin and cocaine have to give up on everything. Maybe because my experiences were so awful in the end, I’ve never been tempted to relapse,” On June 8, 2018, Bourdain was found dead of an apparent suicide by hanging in his room at the Le Chambard hotel in Kaysersberg, France. At the time he had been traveling with friend Éric Ripert. Ripert reported that he became worried when Bourdain missed dinner and breakfast. According to the public prosecutor Christian de Rocquigny du Fayel, Bourdain’s body showed no signs of violence. At this point there has been no official word on toxicology tests to determine whether drugs or medications were involved in his tragic death. It is hard to put into words the life and legacy of a man as dynamic as Anthony Bourdain. He wasn’t just a face on TV, he was a voice trying to tell us to embrace more of the delicious variety in life. It is easier to just look at some of his many accomplishments. Bourdain wrote multiple bestselling nonfiction books over the years, including: - Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly - Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook - A Cook’s Tour: In Search of the Perfect Meal - The Nasty Bits His articles and essays appeared in many publications, including: - The New Yorker - The New York Times - The Times - Los Angeles Times - The Observer He even co-wrote an original graphic novel titled Get Jiro! For DC Comics/Vertigo. Between 2002-2018 he hosted a number of shows, including: - A Cook’s Tour - No Reservations - The Layover - Parts Unknown He worked on various other television shows, doing everything from judging to producing. With the sudden news of Bourdain’s death, people from all across the world have paid homage to the man who did so much to try and share the beauty of diversity with us all. In the days following Bourdain’s death fans paid tribute to him outside his now-closed former place of employment, Brasserie Les Halles on New York City’s Park Avenue. Fellow celebrity chefs and other public figures expressed sentiments of condolence, including Gordon Ramsay and Andrew Zimmern. Beyond his amazing adventures of cooking in different countries, Bourdain also believed in making a difference for those less fortunate. He championed industrious immigrants from places like Mexico, Ecuador, and other countries in Central and South America. He became a big advocate in the fight against sexual harassment in the restaurant industry in 2017, calling out other celebrity chefs and people in Hollywood. Depression and Suicide Anthony Bourdain had also been open about his struggles with depression. In 2016 he did an episode of Parts Unknown where he traveled to Argentina for psychotherapy. At one point he tells the camera, “I will find myself in an airport, for instance, and I’ll order an airport hamburger. It’s an insignificant thing, it’s a small thing, it’s a hamburger, but it’s not a good one. Suddenly I look at the hamburger and I find myself in a spiral of depression that can last for days.” While the passion he had for his work is quite obvious, traveling around 250 days of the year can take a toll. More than once he described his life as lonely. During an interview with People magazine, he said he was living the dream, but admitted that it did come at a cost. That cost may have had something to do with the ups and downs of marriage and divorce he experienced over the years. Only a few months ago, when discussing his 11-year-old daughter Ariane, Bourdain had said he felt he had to “at least try to live” for her. Although he explained he also felt he did have things to live for. Sadly, it seems that over time, the iconic chef started losing his battle with the feelings he wrestled with on the road. Anthony Bourdain’s death is another tragic loss in a trend we have seen a spike over the years, including among celebrities. Only three days before Bourdain’s own death, fashion designer Kate Spade took her own life. Suicide is a growing problem in the United States. According to a survey published by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: - Suicide rates increased by 25% across the country over nearly two decades ending in 2016. - 25 states have experienced a rise in suicides by more than 30% While Anthony Bourdain may have been clean for decades, there was still pain there. While overcoming drugs may have been a huge victory in his inspiring legacy, other fights can still wear us down. There is Help As we remember the incredible impact that Anthony Bourdain had as an adventurer and advocate, we emphasize the importance of supporting those who need it the most. Sadly, we don’t always know when people need help. But we should always work to make sure people know that there is help, no matter what they are struggling with. “As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and travel — leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks — on your body or on your heart — are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.” June 25, 1956 – June 8, 2018 Mental health is an important part of recovery for people who struggle with drugs or alcohol. Fighting depression and suicide prevention means supporting well-being and fighting for mental health support. For those struggling, treatment for mental health disorders and addiction is not always the easiest thing to seek out, but as we as a nation continue to evolve the conversation and raise awareness more people are finding out about the amazing pathways to a life in recovery that are out there. We urge you to seek yours. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse, please call toll-free now. You are not alone. CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398 (This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model) In 2010, the United States Congress declared June 27th as PTSD Awareness Day. In 2014, the Senate designated the entire month of June as National PTSD Awareness Month. The purpose of this observation is to raise public awareness of PTSD and promote effective treatments to help those who suffer. So what is PTSD? And how can all of us help? PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is a mental disorder that can develop when someone is exposed to a traumatic event. Some of the most common experiences that cause PTSD include: - Sexual Assault - Traffic collisions - Life-threaten events Sometimes people can experience post-traumtic stress disorder even if they are not directly affected by the event directly. According to the American Psychiatric Association: - 5% of adults in the United States have PTSD in a given year - 9% of people develop it at some point in their life Signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder can include: - Dreams, thoughts, or feelings related to traumatic events - Mental or physical distress to trauma-related cues - Attempts to avoid trauma-related cues - Shifts in how a person thinks and feels - Increase in the fight-or-flight response Statistically, most people who experience a traumatic event will not develop PTSD. However, some people are more susceptible to certain forms of trauma. Women and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Women are more than twice as likely to develop PTSD. - 10% of women experience PTSD in their lifetime - 4% of men experience PTSD in their lifetime This is largely attributed to sexual assault because women are more likely to experience sexual assault, and sexual assault is more likely to cause PTSD than many other events. Women are also more likely to experience things like: - Neglect or abuse in childhood - Domestic violence - Sudden loss of a loved one Sadly, women may be more likely to blame themselves for their traumatic experiences than men. When it comes to how that trauma manifests, some symptoms are more common in women. For example, women are more likely to: - Be jumpy - Have trouble feeling emotions - Avoid things that remind them of trauma - Feel depressed and anxious Men are more likely to have issues with anger and controlling it when dealing with PTSD, but both men and women struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder can develop physical health problems. Veterans and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Of course, one portion of the population at an elevated risk of PTSD is military Veterans. According to the RAND Center for Military Health Policy Research, 20% of Veterans who served in either Iraq or Afghanistan suffer from either major depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. Combat is one of the most traumatic situations a person can be in. Witnessing death and violence, while also being exposed to life-threatening situations can easily lead to PTSD. However, something that most people may not realize is the amount of military sexual trauma (MST) that Veterans also experience. MST is a form of sexual harassment or assault that occurs while in the military, and it happens to both men and women during training, peacetime, and in war. According to the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs: - 23% of women reported sexual assault while in the military - 55% of women in the military experience sexual harassment - 38% of men in the military experience sexual harassment Because there are more male Veterans than female Veterans, over half of all Veterans with military sexual trauma are actually men. Sadly, one of the most troubling statistics about mental health when it comes to the men and women who serve our country is that according to a SAMHSA study, only around 50% of Veterans who need mental health treatment will receive it. Post-Traumatic Stress and Substance Use Disorders Another heartbreaking side-effect of PTSD can be drug and alcohol abuse, which often leads to substance use disorder (SUD). In some cases, people who experience a traumatic event that causes a physical injury will be treated with powerful painkillers. This is one way that prescription opioids have contributed to the current opioid crisis in the country. Prescription opioids often increase feelings of pleasure and calm inside the brain, which can lead to those struggling with PTSD abusing these medications in order to numb themselves to both their physical agony and their emotional trauma. In fact, prescription opioid addiction is most commonly found to correlate with PTSD. When it comes to Veterans, developing a substance use disorder with post-traumatic stress disorder is not uncommon. According to studies from the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA): - 23% of Veterans returning from Iraq or Afghanistan showed signs of SUD. - In 2008, active duty and Veteran military personnel abused prescription drugs more than twice the rate as the civilian population. - In 2009, the VA estimated around 13,000 Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans suffered from alcohol dependence syndrome and required mental health treatment. Meanwhile, those who experience sexual assault are also extremely likely to turn to drugs or alcohol as a means to cope with their trauma. According to a report by the American Journal on Addictions, 75% of women who enter addiction treatment programs report having experienced sexual abuse. Many studies over the years also report a prevalence of traumatic abuse in childhood. Ultimately, we find that PTSD can feed into substance use disorder. Many people who struggle to control their emotions and suffer from the residual effects of their experiences try to self-medicate with both legal substances and illicit narcotics. National PTSD Awareness Month: Call for Better Treatment For National PTSD Awareness Month we can all do our part to help raise awareness of the impact of post-traumatic stress disorder. The National Center for PTSD is urging people to: Learn- PTSD treatment works Connect- Reach out to someone Share- Spread the word Online you can get educational materials, support information and resources to help spread awareness. The National PTSD Awareness campaign encourages everyone to work together to promote effective treatment for those who are suffering. For those struggling with PTSD and substance use disorder, Palm Healthcare Company believes in providing innovative and life-changing treatment opportunities that help people struggling with trauma and addiction to overcome adversity and build a better quality of life. Our comprehensive programs use a holistic approach to help heal the whole person, and our facilities are specially designed to create lasting change. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call toll-free now. We want to help. You are not alone. CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398 (This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model) It is not so far-fetched to be told that someone whose life is consumed with drug or alcohol dependency can find themselves facing the emotional and mental fallout. When dealing with mental health issues, it is not rare for people to also struggle with substance use disorder. Co-occurring conditions such as these tend to feed off of each other, or even help create one another. It is almost like when someone has high blood pressure, we are not surprised when they develop heart problems. Sometimes side effects and symptoms of one condition can nurture new ailments. According to so researchers, there are some more common combinations of co-occurring disorders with addictions. So which addictions are most likely to co-exist with each mental health condition? Here are 5 of the most common co-occurring disorders with addictions (not in any particular order): Schizophrenia with Marijuana Addiction One disorder that commonly co-exists with a substance use disorder is schizophrenia. The American Journal of Psychiatry released a study that suggests approximately half of all people with schizophrenia also have a substance abuse disorder. But one substance stands out the most when looking at people living with schizophrenia- marijuana. The exact cause of schizophrenia is unknown, but many suspect a combination of environment, genetics and altered brain chemistry and structure to all play a part. So it is unclear why people with schizophrenia would abuse marijuana. Especially since this drug typically produces many of the same symptoms these people experience when in the midst of a schizophrenic episode. Some of these symptoms include: - Short-term memory problems - Unusual or dysfunctional ways of thinking - Difficulty beginning and sustaining activities - Impaired executive functioning While not all symptoms are the same for everyone, some of these more common symptoms definitely overlap between the two. While it may not be obvious why, research suggests it is pretty obvious that marijuana is most popular for people with schizophrenia. Alcoholism and Anti-Social Personality Disorder You might be surprised with this one because most people assume alcohol is most commonly matched with depression. Anti-social personality disorder is easier to understand when one explains the concept of personality disorders in general. To put it simply, a personality disorder is an enduring pattern of personal experience and behavior that deviates noticeably from the expectations of the individual’s culture, which leads to personal distress of impairment. So antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is characterized by a tendency to disregard and even violate the rights of others. Symptoms can vary from egregious to outright dangerous. They include: - Lack of remorse - Consistent irresponsibility - Lack of stability in a job and home life - Disregard for society and laws - Violation of the physical or emotional rights of others Often the more intense cases earn the titles of sociopathic or psychopathic. Alcohol abuse very frequency co-occurs with other mental health disorders. However, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), the disorder with the closest connection to alcoholism is anti-social personality disorder. In fact, people who drink to excess on a regular basis are 21 times more likely to deal with ASPD when compared to people who don’t have alcoholism. The NIAAA also states that both of these disorders typically develop early in life. However, alcoholism can actually make the underlying mental illness worse. Intoxication can lower an individual’s inhibitions, which makes their antisocial behaviors more prevalent. This may also lead to more dangerous manifestations of the disorder. Anxiety Disorders and Cocaine Addiction Cocaine is an extremely powerful narcotic stimulant, which gives users feelings of intense euphoria. However, the tradeoff is a very steep price to pay considering how dangerous this drug really is. Continued cocaine use typically leads to symptoms that essentially mirror an anxiety disorder, including: - Difficulty concentrating Because cocaine is a stimulant, it speeds up and amplifies activity of the brain’s neurotransmitters. Certain neurotransmitters at higher levels induce anxiety. So anxiety is actually a symptom of cocaine use already. Cocaine use also has the potential to create psychotic episodes. Some people even experience severe mental symptoms as a result of use. As a long-term effect of cocaine use, brain circuits are more sensitive while struggling to respond to natural stimuli, and the results are often related to mood and mental health. Statistics show that there is a very high risk of anxiety and cocaine abuse occurring together. Then if you already have an anxiety disorder, the risk becomes even higher that you will develop a severe emotional problem when using a drug like cocaine. While the adverse effects of cocaine use can eventually fade for those able to achieve a long-lasting sobriety, sometimes the damage lingers. Those unusual thoughts and behaviors can continue even long after someone has given up the drug. Prescription Opioid Addiction and PTSD Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental illness that takes hold in the aftermath of an intense and traumatic experience. Often, people who survive tragedies, war and other dangerous or life-altering events will experience PTSD. In some circumstances, people will leave their experience with serious physical injuries, and often, those injuries are treated with prescription painkillers. This is just one way that prescription opioids have contributed to a huge epidemic that has been hurting America for the past several years. Prescription opioids often boost feelings of pleasure and calm inside the brain, and sometimes people who have PTSD end up abusing these medications in order to experience euphoria and numb themselves to not just their physical agony, but also their emotional trauma. This can become an endless cycle of self-medicating. This is especially true with veterans. In fact, some research indicates that veterans with pain and PTSD are 3 times more likely to receive opioids compared to those without any mental health disorders. It is true that having effective pain medications is very important to improve the quality of life for those with physical pain, especially chronic pain patients. However, mixing powerful opioids like prescription painkillers with PTSD can lead to tragic outcomes. With increasing rates of veteran suicides over the past several years, one can only image what impact the surging opioid crisis may have had on those struggling with PTSD. Depression with Heroin Addiction Throughout one of the worst drug epidemics in American history, heroin has been a driving force behind countless overdoses and skyrocketing death rates. Heroin isn’t just devastating physically, but also mentally and emotionally crippling. The connection between these adverse effects and depressive disorders is remarkable. The allure of heroin is that is can make users feel an overwhelming sense of pleasure for a short time. However, long-time use of heroin can burn out the portions of the brain responsible for producing natural signals of pleasure, leaving them incapable of feeling good on their own without the drug. The drug alters brain chemistry and creates mood changes. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment estimates that 48% of opioid users have experienced depression at some point in their lives. Extended use of heroin can eventually cause a form of brain damage that leads to depression. Users can become physically incapable of feeling happiness unless the drug is present. Withdrawal symptoms from heroin can also exacerbate symptoms of depression. Many of them are actually overlapping symptoms, such as: - Slow thinking, speaking or body movements - Loss of interests - Sleep problems - Physical pains - Changes in appetite The combination of depression and heroin addiction is incredibly common. Sometimes it can be difficult for people to tell which issue came first, but ultimately they can both be exceedingly debilitating, or even deadly. Dual Diagnosis Treatment Dual diagnosis means that a person is dealing with two medical conditions that are co-occurring. In regards to the field of drug addiction, dual diagnosis specifically means that someone is struggling with both substance use disorder and another mental or behavioral health issue. Sometimes it is because prolonged drug use has contributed to developing a mental health issue, while other times it is because someone has tried to self-medicate when facing a mental health issue. Dual diagnosis treatment is so important because it provides the opportunity to treat both co-occurring disorders simultaneously. For those suffering with more than one disorder, it is not nearly as effective to focus on treating one while ignoring the other. Holistic healing is all about addressing every aspect of each individual to help them find success in every part of their life. Palm Healthcare Company believes in providing holistic addiction resources to help treat not just the addiction, but also any other issue that could be holding you back from achieving a full life of lasting recovery. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call toll-free now. CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398 Maintaining Mental Health and Well-Being by Thomas G. Beley, Ph.D., LCSW Executive Director of Palm Healthcare Company We hear a lot about the importance of mental health. However, exactly what is mental health. If one looks at the research literature there is not very much written about what constitutes mental health. Often times, by default, mental health has been referred to or alluded to as the absence of a mental illness. To complicate the situation further, the literature seems to be overly ripe with how to treat various mental disorders as well as how to reduce the specific symptoms a person may be experiencing. Unfortunately, our society has become overly preoccupied with treatment focusing on the reduction of a person’s symptoms as an indicator of a mentally healthy person. Although treatment and symptom reduction are important facets of a person’s mental health, neither treatment nor symptom reduction guarantees a sense of well-being. In examining the various disorders as outlined in the DSM IV and the plethora of research that has been conducted on how to treat these disorders, there appears to be a common thread that seems to exist between all of these disorders and conditions. The common thread appears to be an on-going interrelationship between the biological or neuro-chemical make-up of a person; the existing stress factors that may be presented in a person’s life; and the actually coping skills or mechanisms that a person uses as a way of dealing with everyday life. Furthermore, it appears that all three of these influences have the ability to impact the other for the better or for the worse. This article will examine these various influences on a person’s mental health and how these influences are involved in maintaining a person’s sense of mental health and well-being. Stress is a constant in everyone’s life. Hans Selye, the father of the stress response, defined stress as “any change.” So the fact of the matter is that stress is a constant in one’s life. In essence, the moment a person opens their eyes in the morning, that’s stress. The moment that same person gets out of bed, that’s more stress. And, the moment that person jumps into the shower, even yet more stress. In most instances, our bodies are able to handle this stress much of which is attributed to a person’s balanced neurobiology and neurotransmission. Much of this can be explained through the “fight or flight response” of a person. This mind-body connection, which has been a part of human evolution, has worked the same way over hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of years, the same way. Any time a person’s brain, either conscious or unconscious, senses any type of danger whether real or not, there are a whole host of stress hormones that are being released into the body (neurotransmission) gearing the person’s body up to do one of two things, to run away from that danger or to fight that danger. In either scenario, the body has to be an efficient machine. Although a person doesn’t necessarily have to hunt for their food any longer per se or run away from man-eating animals, a person is still faced with the everyday modern dangers of life such as unemployment, finances, marital problems, parenting, etc. The list is endless. The important point, here, is that regardless of what that perceived danger, the mind, and body via neurotransmission, kicks into action. A problem that arises, however, is that once the mind and body have turned it up a notch to deal with the stress, it takes the body a longer time to calm down. The mind or more specifically the neocortex (the thinking part of the brain) is able to easily dismiss stress and false alarms of stress in a relatively short manner. A person can become instantly alarmed at the prospect of their electric being shut off from a notice received in the mail, however, instantly “feeling” a sense of relief realizing that the notice is not meant for them but for the neighbor. Although the mind has dismissed the danger, the stress hormones have already been released to key parts of the person’s body. Studies have shown that these stress hormones or the signaling of the mind to the body to calm down can take anywhere between six hours to seventy-two hours for the body to receive the signal of no danger. So what can actually happen is that a person can be walking around “feeling good” and the least little thing can happen, the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back, that can send a person into a stressed or panic state. There are three key points that need to be remembered about stress. The first key point is that stress is a constant in anyone’s life by virtue of the constant change a person is going through from the moment they wake up in the morning to the time they go to bed at night. All too often a person thinks of stress as “nothing bad has happened to me lately.” It is irrelevant to ask the question whether a person is stressed, it is more appropriate to think in terms of whether that person’s neurobiology is handling that stress in an appropriate manner. Secondly, the body doesn’t really know the difference between “good stress” and “bad stress.” It may be more relevant for a person to think in terms of how much and to what extent has that person experienced change during the course of the week or the month regardless of whether that change has been “good” or “bad.” The more change the person has experienced, the more stress that has been absorbed into the body. And, finally, the third key point is that the body is a very slow responder. It takes the body a much longer time to calm down than the cognitive processes that are occurring in the brain. A person needs to be mindful that just because they are “feeling relaxed” doesn’t necessarily mean that their body is relaxed. It is not always feasible to assume that lowering the stressful situations in one’s life is the answer since many people may be unable to avoid a stressful lifestyle. Firefighters, police officers, emergency room medical staff, are all faced with potential chronic conditions of stress. It is not fair to say these individuals will be excluded from feeling a sense of well-being because they are in constant stressful situations. It is important for a person to be aware of trying to lower stress in their life where they can, but for those individuals who are in situations where stress is a constant, it will be more important for that person to develop the necessary coping skills to deal with stress such as exercise, nutrition, yoga, or meditation. Research in the neurosciences in recent years has continued to shed new light on a person’s brain chemistry and how neurotransmission impacts a person’s sense of well being as well as behavior. There have been numerous studies conducted on certain neurotransmitters of well being such as serotonin, GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), dopamine, and others to suggest the necessity of these neurotransmitters for the person to function at an optimal level. This is where the explosion of new prescription drugs has come on to the market to solve the ills of the world. Needless to say, pharmaceutical companies have long since been proponents of this neurobiological research due to the ability to develop newer and more efficient drugs to attempt to balance a person’s neurochemistry. An important aspect that has evolved over the years, however, is the recognition of, not only the importance of a person’s neurobiological chemistry to be in balance for a sense of well-being, but also the fact that a person’s biochemical makeup can be extremely delicate and subject to a whole host of outside influences such as stress, medical conditions, nutrition, and behavior that can throw a person’s neurochemistry off creating a variety of symptoms. As a result, there continues to be a growing movement toward alternative methods of treatment to address brain chemistry issues such as acupuncture, nutrition, or chiropractic intervention to intervene and/or to enhance a person’s brain chemistry. Regardless of whether you are a proponent of Prozac or a devotee to acupuncture, the important point to emphasize is that a person’s neurochemistry plays an important role in a person’s sense of well-being and contentment. Furthermore, the imbalance of neurotransmission in the brain can interfere with that person’s overall level of functioning and well-being. Coping with everyday life situations is another area which is an important influence on a person’s ability to achieve a sense of well-being. A person needs to feel a sense of satisfaction about how they handle given situations that confront them whether if it is with themselves or with others. However, in order to do this effectively, a person needs to have a repertoire of coping mechanisms to choose from. All too often, a person doesn’t develop or change the necessary coping skills needed to deal with life situations. An interesting point to make, here, is that the human species, which is supposed to be at the top of the so-called food chain of life, is the only species that will continue to do the exact same behaviors to problem solve a situation despite the fact that these problem-solving behaviors may have repeatedly failed in the past. For a variety of reasons, it appears that change is often difficult for a person to make. In order to effectively cope with a situation, it is of vital importance for a person to maintain a degree of flexibility, adaptation, and a willingness to change regarding any given situation. In a sense, a person’s self-esteem can be viewed as being borne in a series of “failures.” Once a person makes a decision to do something, it is usually followed by a series of behaviors or actions. Often times these initial behaviors and actions are not going to be a success since doing something for the first time often leads to a number of miscues or possible “failures.” However, if a person is willing to persist at following through with these behaviors and actions or be willing to try something different in an attempt to reach their goal, there is a greater likelihood the person will develop a sense of competence in that area. Once that person achieves that level of competence, a person’s self-esteem will increase. Once a person’s self-esteem has increased, the easier it becomes for that person to make decisions and take action in other areas of life and the cycle begins all over again. The important part of coping is that both coping mechanisms and skills need to be constantly reviewed and refined by a person. There is no guarantee that a particular coping skill or mechanism is going to work in all situations. As a person begins to adapt to the various complexities of life, the greater the need for a more complete range of coping skills to maintain that sense of well-being. The Systemic Relationship of Neurobiology, Stress, and Coping In considering these various influences on a person’s mental health and well-being, it is vital to understand the interrelationship that exists between them. One must comprehend that all three of these influences are constantly impacting one’s functioning and a person cannot focus on one of these areas without taking into consideration the ramifications it will have on the other areas. There is a cyclical force that each area has on the other areas and vice versa. For instance, if a person is experiencing an inordinate amount of stress, whether it is “good stress” or “bad stress,” the neurochemistry of the brain is going to be impacted. If the neurochemistry of the brain is affected, there is a greater likelihood that this imbalance is going to affect the neurotransmission which can result in symptomatic behaviors such as panic, anxiety, depression , or other symptomatic behavior. As a result of the symptomatic behavior the person may be experiencing, the person’s coping mechanism and problem-solving abilities are probably going to be compromised at least to some degree. If the person is unable to cope with a given situation in an effective manner, there is the potential of the stress level increasing again. As a result, there is a cyclical process of impact. Balance and Well-Being It appears that a key factor for a person maintaining mental health and a sense of well-being is the ability to monitor and balance the areas of neurobiology, stress, and coping. The challenge, however, that confronts a person is the ability to maintain this balance on an on-going basis. One of the difficulties stems from the fact that it is not always clear as to what a person needs to attend to at any given time. For instance, let’s say that a person’s depression may simply be stemming from their genetic make-up. If this is the case, it would probably be more prudent for that person to be prescribed the appropriate anti-depressant medication to correct the neurobiological issue as opposed to getting involved in therapy or attempting to reduce stress. Although the latter two methods can be extremely effective in the long run, the more effective and efficient intervention may be from a pharmacological approach. On the other hand, let’s say a person is depressed as a result of a great deal of existing stress that is occurring in their life, let’s say from being fired from their job, or the person has limited coping skills to deal with real-life traumas like the death of a loved one. In this scenario, a pharmacological intervention may be of little value, since the depression may be more a product of “normal” life situations that would be better addressed through support and the development of better and more appropriate coping skills for that given situation. In these situations, yoga, meditation, and exercise may be extremely efficient in addressing stressful situations whereas psychotherapy can be effective in developing better coping skills. In many instances, it is not necessarily the fact that a person’s anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication is not working, the fact of the matter is that the person’s life is still a mess and they need to begin to put it in order. Unless the person is able to address these matters, the likelihood of a person responding effectively to a pharmacological intervention is going to be minimal.It is safe to say that one’s mental health and sense of well-being is not a given in anyone’s life. Just because a person has a positive outlook on life, doesn’t mean that their genetic make-up couldn’t play a factor in that person’s level of functioning. Or, the person who has savvy coping skills in dealing with incredible amounts of stress, doesn’t mean that the accumulative effects of those stressors will not take a physiological toll on that person via heart disease or cancer. Maintaining mental health and well-being needs to be worked at on an on-going basis, not too different than an athlete needs to train to maintain peak performance. In the arena of mental health and well-being, a person needs to monitor and train how they are performing in the areas of neurobiology, stress reduction, and the development of more effective and positive coping skills. The ability of a person to attend to these areas through the use of yoga, nutrition, exercise, diet, meditation, stress reduction techniques, psychotherapy, hypnosis, just to name a few approaches, the greater likelihood the person will maintain that sense of well-being. A question that a person needs to ask themselves is what is it they are doing to ensure the balance of these three key areas of their life. For over 25 year, Thomas G. Beley, PhD, LCSW has worked in the field of addictions and mental health. Over these two-and-a-half decades of helping people who struggle with mental health and substance use disorders, he has proven to be an expert clinician and innovative and compassionate leader. Palm Healthcare Company is proud to have an executive team with experience and incredible commitment to helping others. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call toll-free now. We want to help. CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398 Over the last 15 years, the suicide rate has climbed by an estimated 32%. While the overdose deaths in relation to the opioid crisis have become a constant issue around the country, some researchers suggest that the real suicide rates are even higher, but some of them are being misclassified as overdoses. So, are more people dying due to drug abuse, or are more people taking their own lives using powerful street drugs and prescription narcotics? Studying Suicide and Drugs The idea that many of the deaths recorded as opioid overdoses may have been suicides, according to the researchers, is due to a significant gap between suicide rates and intoxication mortality rates. A study from the Luskin School of Public Affairs at the University of California, Los Angeles, was published in the journal PLOS One. This study states that both suicide and drug intoxication death rates in the United States have risen over a period of 15 years. Researchers compiled data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) to show: - 2000- The suicide rate was 10.40 per 100,000 people - 2015- Suicide rate rose to 13.75 deaths per 100,000 people - 2000- Drug intoxication mortality rate for those over the age of 15 was 7.81 deaths per 100,000 - 2015- Drug intoxication death rate for those over the age of 15 rose to 20.07 per 100,000 in 2015 This means that the drug intoxication death rate rose by 257% in those 15 years, while suicide rates only rose by 32%. While 32% is still a devastating number when it comes to such a tragic circumstance, there is still a huge difference between 32% and 257%. These researchers believe this major difference in the reports of mortality rates suggests a lack of suicide reporting. Difficulties in Death Investigation One of the big problems, according to the study’s author Mark Kaplan, is resources. Kaplan is a professor of social welfare at UCLA, and he stated to local news sources, “Unfortunately, part of the problem is due to serious under-resourcing of state and local death investigation systems throughout most of the U.S. “Many of these deaths were probably suicides, yet reported as accidental self-poisoning rather than intentional self-harm, particularly among the middle-aged.” The study by Kaplan and his colleagues further explains that when it comes to suicide by overdose, things like an individual’s psychiatric history or the presence of a suicide note are crucial to helping professionals identify a death as a suicide. “A suicide note, prior suicide attempt or affective disorder was documented in less than one-third of suicides and one-quarter of undetermined deaths,” “Our incorporation of undetermined deaths, as well as registered suicides, not only provided a window on the nature of suicide misclassification within the undetermined death category but within the accident category—as a much larger reservoir for obscuring drug intoxication suicides.” So by acknowledging that there is not always an obvious indication that a death is a suicide, even in cases that are classified in suicide, the researchers believe that many deaths that involved drugs have most likely been categorized as overdoses instead of making a deeper inquiry into the circumstances surrounding an individual’s death. Opioids Causing Ambiguity With the opioid crisis in America, it has become even more difficult to measure the suicide rates. And that isn’t just this research teams opinion either. In 2015, the CDC hosted a meeting to address the challenges presented for medical examiners and coroners across the country. The primary focus was concerning cases of fatal intoxication due to opioids and other drugs. The summary of this meeting concluded that drug intoxication deaths may be among the most difficult to determine regarding the manner of death. The summary notes that reasons for such difficulty in having a more accurate manner of death include: - Potentially equivocal evidence - Intent to die - Overlapping demographic groups affected - Overlapping premorbid risk factors (e.g., substance abuse, mental health problems). Opioid addiction, much like any other form of substance use disorder, is often closely connected to other issues, including anxiety, trauma and mental health disorders. Some individuals living with mental health conditions who abuse opioids may be self-medicating and accidentally overdose. But others may be suffering so severely, with conditions like depressive disorders or bipolar disorder, that they ultimately take their own lives intentionally with the powerful drugs. With opioid abuse being so widespread and devastating, the line between the two has begun to blur. Both studies mentioned clearly indicate in order to truly comprehend an accurate number of suicides by overdose, more research is needed. Both also admit that the number may never be exact. Even though we will probably never have a definitive answer, the question is still important to ask. By knowing whether opioid deaths are caused by accidents or intentional we can develop better strategies to provide education and prevention. This is also why mental health should always be a priority when it comes to addiction treatment. Substance use disorder and suicide are both connected to mental health and personal wellness. Too often they both lead to avoidable tragedies. Therefore, mental health and wellness should be a priority for addiction treatment. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now. CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398 With the beginning of the new year, Palm Healthcare Company is looking forward to helping spread more exciting stories of experience, strength, and hope while also sharing important news stories and exciting new developments that relate to the world of addiction recovery and substance use disorder treatment. As we commit ourselves to another year of fighting alongside thousands of people working toward a better future, we would also like to take some time looking back on all the big moments in 2017 that we shared with our Palm Healthcare Company Blog. President Trump Declares Public Health Emergency: What’s the Plan? October of 2017, President Donald Trump made an announcement declaring the opioid crisis in America as a Public Health Emergency. This highly anticipated declaration was delivered in a way slightly different than many had expected, noting the technical differences between a Public Health Emergency and a National Emergency. Many advocates were concerned that this announcement did not provide a concrete foundation for the necessary federal funding and did not initiate much-needed action, but others we assured that this means the Trump administration was taking this issue very seriously. In this article, we took a look at what this announcement did actually accomplish, and what it failed to deliver on. Racketeering for Fentanyl: Opioid Maker Insys Founder Arrested for Bribes A huge development to another story came in late 2017 when John Kapoor, former CEO of Insys Therapeutics and founding father of one of the most prominent opioid manufacturers in the country, was arrested and charged with conspiring to push the signature drug of Insys Therapeutics, a Fentanyl spray called Subsys, for unacceptable uses through bribes and kickbacks. The Palm Healthcare Company blog notes how back in 2016 the Justice Department reported to be charging 6 former executives and sales-managers of Insys Therapeutics for conspiring to defraud health insurers. When looking at the details in this story, it has intensified the conversation about Big Pharma involvement in the epidemic Can Kellyanne Conway Really Compete with the Opioid Crisis? Not too long after President Trump’s declaration of a Public Health Emergency pertaining to the opioid crisis, Kellyanne Conway was announced as leading the charge on the White House’s efforts for addressing the opioid epidemic. This Palm Healthcare Company blog saw a lot of comments! While some find that having a high-profile figure at the head of the efforts gives validity to the White House’s commitment to solving the opioid issue in America, many others are speaking out in frustration. Those in opposition to this appointment say that while she may be useful as a counselor or pollster, she has no experience of expertise when it comes to drug abuse, addiction or substance use disorder treatment. Thus far the one thing both Kellyanne and the President seem adamant about is a media campaign, but advocates are still afraid this is more “Just Say No” and not enough support for effective resources. After Las Vegas Shooting: PTSD and Mental Health Must be Priority In early October of 2016, the nation was shaken to its core when Las Vegas had one of the deadliest shootings in modern American history. This horrific tragedy flooded newsrooms and live viral footage with the country watching in shock as a gunman killed 58 people and injured 546 more at an outdoor music festival. In the aftermath of this terrible and heartbreaking incident, our Palm Healthcare Company blog took a look at how such traumatic experiences impact people, and about the importance of those who struggle with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) getting proper diagnosis and care. At a time when so many people are self-medicating with dangerous or even deadly narcotics, it is important to care for those most vulnerable, especially after such an earth-shattering experience. Police Helping Addicts into Treatment is a Growing Trend Saving Lives In August of 2017, we took a look back at several programs that had come to light all over the country based on Police Departments working with their communities to offer drug users the chance to get help with addiction treatment instead of being arrested and charged. The pioneering program came from Gloucester Police Department in Massachusetts back in 2015. This program allowed users to ask police for help, and told addicts they could submit drugs to local law enforcement without fear of being arrested if they were willing to seek treatment. A 2016 study showed that this program was experiencing some impressive success. Police departments in a number of other states were inspired by this and took up similar programs as a way to help their communities fight the addiction outbreak. The Palm Healthcare Company blog took a close look at a handful of these programs to celebrate their compassion and success. Sterilized for Cash: This Woman Pays Drug Addicts to Not Have Kids Pregnant lady’s stomach and her hand holding dollar over black background When we posted this Palm Healthcare Company blog we saw a great deal of debate in the comments on our Facebook. For over 20 years, Barbara Harris has driven across the country using cash to ask addicted women to give up their fertility. To date, the organization has paid over 7,000 people. The controversy around such a powerful story had some people showing a great deal of support for someone giving addicted women an incentive to not get pregnant, while other people were appalled and angered that someone would entice desperate women who are not in the right mindset to make such dramatic and life-altering decisions with their bodies. What Chester Bennington Taught Us about Addiction and Depression (This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model) In July of 2017, the world lost a great artist and inspirational musician with the death of Chester Bennington, the lead singer of the band Linkin Park. Initial reports were that Bennington had died from suicide by hanging, with later reports indicating that Chester had been drinking at the time of his death. The vocalist had been open about his struggles with depression and drug addiction over the years, and in this article, we took a look at just how much Chester Bennington could teach us about the devastation of depression and addiction. Dear Media, Thank You for Bad Press South Florida has been under a great deal of scrutiny recently, specifically concerning the issues facing the recovery community such as unethical and illegitimate sober home operators in the area. In June, there was a Megyn Kelly NBC News Investigation which focused in on Delray Beach, Florida and some of the big problems concerning unscrupulous activities from corrupt individuals exploiting drug addicts in need of help. We took this time to look over some of the bigger stories concerning the illicit activities in South Florida with the recovery industry while showing support and gratitude for all those working together to try and put an end to operators who are taking advantage of people in need of help. Palm Healthcare Measures Up to Addiction Treatment Outline for EAP In September of 2017, we took a very close look at an article written by the Journal of Employee Assistance that was designed to help Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) find the right kind of addiction treatment programs to recommend to their clients. The outline given for EAPs to find effective and reliable addiction treatment options gives a list of things to look for. The Palm Healthcare Company blog was happy to show off just how all of our facilities measure up to these crucial standards. Keep an Eye Out for More Palm Healthcare Company continues to try and share every treatment development, news story or exciting innovation on our blog to not only help more people learn and raise awareness but to offer some perspective and maybe ask some new questions. Whether it is sports, celebrities, news or politics we are committed to talking about important stories that pertain to drug policy in America, substance use disorder, mental health, and personal wellness. We will continue to touch on the top stories of 2018 to spread the word and hopefully inspire more people to get involved in these crucial conversations. 2017 was an intense, innovative and inspiring year. Here is to hope for 2018. Holistic addiction treatment means incorporating every aspect of life for each individual with personalized opportunities for lasting recovery. So every bit of information can help anyone make a more comprehensive decision about what kind of recovery plan they want. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call toll-free now. CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398

Dance is hoofing on up in the world. For the first time ever, the award for Outstanding Choreography will be presented at the Primetime Emmy Awards ceremony Sunday night (8 pm ET / 5 pm PT, CBS), accompanied by a big dance number created by the nominated choreographers. "We were all freaking out," Sonya Tayeh, who received a nod for her moody and mesmerizing routines on So You Think You Can Dance, tells TVGuide.com. "It's just such a real honor to be there and also to show our work together as a collaboration. It's amazing." All the Emmy nominees Dancing with the Stars: Who's the early frontrunner? What was the game plan to create this Emmys dance piece with the other choreographers? You've collaborated before, but not on this level. Sonya Tayeh: We decided to meet once a week. I'm in San Diego doing a show so I've been up every other week. So we all Skyped in with the producers for the Emmys to figure out how to build this piece, and then we're doing this together, but we're also doing our own section. We threw all of our ideas together and came up with one big idea. We have rehearsals in the middle of September, right before the Emmys happen. Allison Holker: The difficulty is not necessarily the process. Dancers and choreographers are really good at compromise. That's what we do best. But what we have found is that all the choreographers are so busy, so it's the time. Will you be performing yourself as part of the big Emmys dance? Holker: I can't tell you how we'll be in the piece, but I'll say you will see all of us throughout the number, which I think is super-exciting. We're doing a lot of different things and repping the dance world and ourselves. Then we'll be presenting after. Were you able to get some of your favorite dancers into the piece also? Holker: Yes. But most people will probably expect to see tWitch since he is my fiance, but he'll be filming Step Up 5, so you will not see tWitch at the Emmys. I was disappointed, and Nappy Tabs wanted him too, but there will be some other familiar faces from our TV shows. Emmys to pay special tribute to James Gandolfini, Cory Monteith and more Tayeh: It was impossible to get Bjork to approve any music, but I try every season. She's my ultimate hero. I asked again, and then finally her manager said that she wanted me to write a little treatment about the piece, what the song meant to me. So I wrote it down — and of course it was dramatic and long and I sent her a bunch of images. She approved it. Then there came the pressure because I love her music, but I get terrified to choreograph to it because it's so good. But she saw it and sent a really great thank-you letter. What does Allison bring to the routine? We hear all the choreographers fight over her. Tayeh: Allison is an amazing artist all around. We connect on this really crazy level. She's really honest in the way she dances. She's lived a lot of life, and there's not one particle in her body that's contrived when she moves. She becomes the character that you ask for. ... She works beautifully with her partner, she's selfless in her approach to dancing, and she loves dancing. She's one of the most fearless dancers that I know. I could talk all day about Allison. She dances from her gut. Allison, what was it like to perform this routine, in which you play a woman who is hopelessly devoted to this soulless and cruel man (Cole)? Holker: It was one of my favorite dances of all time. Working with Sonya Tayeh has completely changed my life as a dancer and a choreographer. That number pushed me beyond my whole belief of being an actor and a dancer. I found myself so enthralled and so committed to that character that I would come home still in the character after rehearsal. ... I had to tell my fiance at the time, "Listen, I'm not going to be able to talk to you this week because my character is with a guy who is demeaning and so controlling and is a terrible person." Every day I got deeper into it and more angry at Cole to the point that I couldn't talk to him, I couldn't look at him. ... I thank Sonya every day for that experience.Watch the intense and powerful "Possibly Maybe" below: Sonya, what was the trickiest thing about "Sail," which to us looked like synchronized swimming, but on land. Tayeh: [Laughs] Oh wow, cool. I've never heard that before. That's pretty awesome. There were many tricky things about that one. The first was that it was supposed to be a trio, but one girl got injured, so she couldn't dance, so I had to make it into a duet very fast. But Audrey and Tiffany, I call them them the little firecrackers because they're like spitfires and have an amazing approach to athleticism and dancing. You can have an emotional connection to dancing athletically, especially as a lady, and I wanted to show them off. So we made it very physical, and this hooked in terms of the unison and the dynamic and the partnering. It was very fun to make because of the art of their facility. Check out the athletic "Sail": Finally, Sonya, you also submitted "Turning Page," which SYTYCD producer Nigel Lythgoe said showed off your more romantic side. How have you changed as a choreographer to this point? Tayeh: I'm in tune with myself in terms of what I'm going through and I express accordingly. I think that when I heard that song, it made me think about the moment when you're in love and you feel that desire to celebrate it and not be afraid of it and not resist it. That you just want to express this emotion you have with this person, express this feeling of your mortality when you're in love. It's fragile, you're in love and you never want it to end. That was the base of it, wanting it to last forever. Feel the love with "Turning Page": Allison, you and Derek showed off your choreography skills with an insane routine. How did that all come about, especially with the slow-motion and rain effects? Holker: We approached Dancing with the Stars producers with a million ideas, and they decided to allow us to use a slow-motion camera, which in the history of TV, no one has ever used a slow-motion camera live. It's actually very difficult to choreograph. You have to minus seconds out of your choreography... Also if you use a slow-motion camera and have bad timing, that could be a bad bum shot. They could have caught us taking off at the wrong time, and you have to live with that moment for eight seconds. You're really exposing yourself as a dancer and you can't really make up for a loss. We also had it rain on us, which was absolutely incredible. I think it's anyone anyone's dream to be in a Nicholas Sparks film. I feel like that's what we kind of did with this. We had slow-motion cameras, the romantic element and it rained on us. We just did it live. We took so many risks.Witness the craziness of "Heart Cry" here: Allison, how does being a mother affect your choreography? Holker: Being a mother has improved my life and my choreography and my dancing 100 percent. Before being a mom, I think you never ever experience life at its fullest until you have something that you have to fully take care of and keep on your own, without the help of anyone else. ... I'm also a lot more relaxed in creating. Sometimes when you're younger and you're creating, you question yourself a lot. As a mother, I've learned that I can't question myself, I need to go with my gut feeling and go with what I believe in. That's what I do best. I have more direction now.Does your daughter Weslie dance yet? Holker: Yes, she does, but she thinks contemporary is boring, unfortunately. But what she does love is hip-hop. In fact, my daughter's name is B-girl Wes. My daughter has these gloves. They're actually her bicycle gloves, but she turns them into her b-girl gloves. When she puts these on, it transforms who she is. She'll become this totally different girl. She'll go from wearing dresses with heels, and the moment she puts these magical gloves on, she becomes this total tomboy that does hip-hop. She walks with a different slant in her legs. She's a b-girl all of a sudden. It's so crazy!Sonya, you've mentioned this San Diego project, The Last Goodbye. Could you describe what that is and what you're doing for it? Tayeh: Michael Kimmel was the director, but now he's the conceiver, and the director is Alex Timbers. It's been a six-year project. It's the Shakespeare story Romeo & Juliet, set to Jeff Buckley's music. Immediately, when I heard that, I was totally sold. It's been a battle to stay when they changed directors. I had to re-audition again for the show. After a workshop it usually takes a year to see where it's going to go, but The Old Globe called us immediately and said that they wanted us. So now we're here, and we open for previews Sept. 22. We actually open on Oct. 6. It's a pretty magical show. It has dancing in a sense and a gestural move for storytelling. Let me get this straight — previews start on Emmys day? Tayeh: Yep, I miss the first preview of it. Alex has been amazing because I was definitely afraid to tell him that I'll be missing it, but he was like, "This is such an honor. You need to be there. We'll take care of it." I'm back the next day.So You Think You Can Dance winners: "We finish each other's sentences"Who will be your Emmys date? Holker: My Emmys date is my manager, my other biggest supporter ever. His name is Nelson Diaz. He is a huge part of my career, a huge supporter and a family friend, so it was the perfect fit to bring him along. Tayeh: I'm just totally stoked to take my mother with me. I live in New York, and she lives in Detroit, so I'm flying her here and we're going to get all dolled up and take a limo there. Have you already planned what you'll wear? Tayeh: Yes! Jay McCarroll, the winner of Project Runway Season 1, is making me a suit. I've been a fan of his forever, so when I got this, I called him immediately. Chris Habana, this amazing jewelry designer is making me jewelry.The 65th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards will air live at 8 pm ET / 5 pm PT on CBS.(Full disclosure: TVGuide.com is owned by CBS.)

Having problems with your HP Photosmart 435 & HP Photosmart 145 Compact Photo Printer (Pack) Digital Camera ? I have a hp m425 photo smart \015 I dropped the camera and the lens broke can this be fixed?\015 In what way do you mean broke eg lens shattered or it wont zoom , if its not physically broken try tapping the lens gently in the opposite direction to which it fell.This should realign the gears Repair Help & Product Troubleshooting for HP Photosmart 435 & HP Photosmart 145 Compact Photo Printer (Pack) Digital Camera Tips for a great answer:- Provide details, support with references or personal experience . - If you need clarification, ask it in the comment box . - It's 100% free, no registration required. Suggested Questions/Answers : I have a hp m425 photo smart In what way do you mean broke eg lens shattered or it wont zoom , if its not physically broken try tapping the lens gently in the opposite direction to which it fell.This should realign the gears ... 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My camera worked great for the first year, then started coming up with the error 204 flashing in the top Display. It locked up when this happened. It has been collecting dust for a few years now. I contacted HP and they told me to send them $300.00 and the camera and they would repair it. I only paid $200.00 for it when I bought it on sale. I have looked for years on the net for a solution and Oh yer, you are correct. They are in alphabetical order too. Still does not mean that I to have anything to do with them. I have all catogories selected for access to chat as I can still talk someone through an owners manual... thats about the depth ... Digital Cameras Kodak C533 Okay I see many have asked the same questions, but never see an answer-why? where is the answer? Do I have to pay for an answer-nd not maybe it could be this or that-but a for sure, I know kind of an answer. The probelm- My screen on my camera does no open when trying to transfer pictures. This is sudden. I have old photos in on my camera card-have deleted all inner memory as the smart young woman tol dme I needed to do at the shop Walgreens where I bought it-nope that wasn't the prob I also experience the same problem, but as i know it doesn't affect the transferring of pictures, just like its normal that the screen of the camera doesn't show on. I hope, i helped you with that. ... Kodak EasyShare C533 Digital Camera I have a HP Photo Smart Caera. The button on the top you mash to take the picture keeps falling off. I have had this fixed three times. This time it happened outside and I could not find the spring. Does anyone know where they fix HP cameras. The place I have been taken it to is not doing a very good job of sending it off. I would like to do it myself since the warrantee is up any way. I live in Greenville, NC So far I have not been able to find anyone who fixes them around here. 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Plug in and turn on your camera to link it. when the option to open the folder comes up, select open folder to view files. when you have that open, simply drag the photos you want to that folder and drop them. they will then be on the memory card. ... HP Photosmart M425 Digital Camera I have a HP M425 camera and cannot figure out how to take the date stamp off. I don't want the date stamped on all of my photos. While in LiveView or Playback, press MENU/OK, then use left/right to select the camera icon. Use up/down to highlight "Date & Time Imprint", then press MENU/OK. Select "Off". ... HP Photosmart M525 Digital Camera I need assistance downloading pics from a smart living jdc25 camera in vista. the drivers wont install, therefore, the photo impression doesnt recognize the pics on the camera Please get the driver here :\012www.freedownloadscenter.com/.../jazz...camera-driver/driver.html\012\0 ... Jazz JDC25 Digital Camera My camera has froze. I turn it on to take a snap shot and it says normal picture but no click. I try the menu button and no response. change the view mode and no response. Thought maybe it was the smart card because it was full? So I pull it and delete some items and still no photos are taken to the camera? Try this...remove the card and battery...press all the buttons...leave it alone for 20 minutes...insert the card and then the battery...turn it on. ... Panasonic Lumix DMC-FX01 Digital Camera

Gifts for Halloween? The news, if you are still watching it, is enough to take you under. I’m finding I have to limit myself. Only at the end of the day, while I’m doing something I love, like stirring a pot of meat sauce in the kitchen which is soon to be for dinner with my husband, can I process it. A therapist would probably say I’m grounding myself in the quotidian, earthly task of cooking, or expressing my creativity in a sensory way in order to handle the vitriol the pours forth from the pundits. Whatever the subconscious has going on, I’m at least conscious of limiting how much I let myself read and listen. That’s hard to see myself type, as I believe in being an informed citizen. For the last few years I’ve taught a course in rhetoric and preached to my high-schoolers about the need to read, listen, and discern what is going on in the world around them. I treasure living in a democracy. Both of my grandmothers were sixteen years old when women in the United States were granted the right to vote. Sometimes not reading and not listening and not thinking feels like not caring, like I’m giving up. But other times not reading and not listening feels like salvation, like peace, like sacred space. Last Friday I was overcome by it all - from the presidential candidates to the disagreement between LifeWay Books and Jen Hatmaker. I tried to read Scripture and even got mad at St. Paul. I just cried and cried. In the midst of anger and sadness, though, I continued a practice a began a few months ago, which is praying through a book of blessings that a friend sent to me. Friday’s blessing (written by Burk & Gunter) was “eyes to see the gifts God gives to you through different means and different people at different times.” I went about my day in slow motion it seemed, feeling fragile, and maybe only half-heartedly remembering to look for the gifts. But there they were. I walked into a morning yoga class I regularly attend but this day there with several candles lit all over the studio, even one on the way to the restroom. I love a burning candle. It reminds me of the light of God’s presence. I am never alone. A still small voice said, “This is your gift.” Friends we met for dinner handed me a belated birthday present. Literally, a gift! Saturday morning I drank coffee sitting on my porch at the lake (my favorite place in the world) and that afternoon, I took a ride on the back of my husband’s Harley. That may not seem like an obvious gift. After all, my parents raised me to be scared to death of motorcycles and suspect of the kind of people who rode them. (It was the 60’s and 70’s). But here’s the thing, on the back of a Harley, you can’t read, you can’t sleep, you can’t text, talk, check social media. Nothing. It’s blank space. You sit still. You hold on. That’s it. And if you’re scared, you pray. I do. It’s good for my soul. Every time. I’m always secretly hoping it will rain when he suggests going for a ride and I’m always a better woman when I pull off my helmet back in the driveway at home. I rode in the wind, let my thoughts wander, held onto his belt loops, and took in the smells and sights of an 85 degree fall day in Alabama. “Gifts, through different means and different people at different times. We are 53 and 54 years old. We’re beginning our fourth year as empty nesters. For several years we’ve just ‘opted out’ on Halloween, turned out the porch lights and gone out to dinner. That was my plan again this year. Then my man came home early from work. He recycled a pumpkin into which my daughter had carved an outline of the state of Alabama while home from her college in North Carolina two weeks ago. Alabama Jack suddenly had a snaggletooth grin on his backside. I went to the corner drugstore for candy. When I got home, my husband had dug into his flight bag and was wearing his helmet, mask, jacket and gloves. The kids began to knock on the door. He knocked back. Loudly. I watched out the window as they giggled nervously and looked puzzled at each other. He opened the door slowly but hid behind it. Then the masked man popped around the corner to hand out the candy. Most of them jumped backwards wide-eyed at the old man in the mask! He made me laugh! So hard. I smiled all night at what he was doing. A gift. To me. “Different means…different times.” The last group of children, after recovering from shock and fright, stood receiving Reese’s Cups and Peanut M&M’s. One child said, “Are you in the Air Force?” Of course, being 54, and inside the helmet, my husband can’t hear a word these children are saying. “Navy,” I said to the child. “Were you a jet pilot?” another small boy asked him. “Yes.” I said. “I want to be just like you,” the little guy said looking up at my husband. I got a lump in my throat. I hope you are, I thought. May it be so.