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1108dkv | My fiancé (30M) and I (28F) got engaged 2 years ago and decided that we wanted to elope in France. It’s a special place for us (we both studied abroad there and have special memories together in the town we decided to elope to) and we were really excited to tell our families about our decision. My family was supportive but his threw a fit about not being included and basically attacked me for “forcing” my fiancé to exclude his family from his wedding. Long story short we decided to invite our families to come with us if they wanted to, and to extend the invite to our closest friends. As we began planning we started to invite more and more people that are close to us and now have a guest list of 50 people for what originally started as an elopement and is now a destination wedding.We are getting closer to our wedding date and my fiancé’s family has been the major stressor in wedding planning. I asked SIL to be a bridesmaid bc I felt obligated but she has made this experience miserable. Any time I make a decision she tells me I’m controlling and overbearing. When I chose bridesmaid dresses she told me she didn’t like what I chose and I need to trust her to pick out her own dress. She is still refusing to purchase a bridesmaid dress. When I made a comment about our wedding being traditional (when discussing speeches, parent dances, etc) she cut in and said “traditionally brides don’t require their guests to fly to Europe to watch them get married in a 15 minute ceremony.” She’s expressed in a drunken state that she was jealous of our wedding, but soberly she has given me such a hard time. My MIL keeps making comments about how I am being extra and have high expectations for getting married in France. She has said on multiple occasions that she wanted to go to Europe for the first time on a romantic trip with her husband, and not to “lose her son.” Tonight at family dinner my MIL and SIL told me that they think it was really rude of me to plan a wedding so far away and that I should have considered my “future husband’s family’s feelings” when planning the wedding. The only reason ANYONE was invited to our “elopement” was because they threw a fit when we decided we wanted to elope just the two of us. I feel like my fiancé and I made a compromise to keep the peace and invited them to come, but I don’t feel like I’m the asshole for keeping our plans to have our wedding in such a special place for us. AITAFor context: my fiancé’s family is very well-off and can absolutely afford to go on this trip. I don’t believe that we are putting them in a bad financial situation; both of his parents are doctors and so is SIL’s husband. Wedding is 3 months away, they’ve known about the wedding for 2 years and had that time to save up as well.*Edit* I should have included this but my fiancé is insanely supportive of me and always stands up to his family when they make negative comments. These comments are usually made when he isn’t around to hear them. My fiancé and I are so in love and I don’t have a bad thing to say about him. Also, the wedding is 3 months away so we can’t cancel, we’ve paid for the majority of it and our friends have purchased flights, hotels, etc. | AITA for inviting my fiancé’s family to our wedding? | NTA |
10zz032 | I (32f) am one of 8 children, my youngest sibling, my sister (21f) is getting married to her fiance (21m) on Valentine’s Day. My sister is having a destination wedding and we arrived at the hotel yesterday. Our parents are insanely wealthy through a number of factors like inheritance and business, so they have covered all the fees. It’s a bit extravagant, but I am happy for my sister and we are very close.My sister and I are very close, my husband (32m) and I stayed local for college and my sister had known my kids all of her life. Our oldest kid, our daughter (13f) is transgender. She’s been saying she was a girl for as long as we could remember and has presented that way since before Kindergarten. She also has a boyfriend (13m), her boyfriend is cisgender and a very athletic, masculine boy who does all sorts of sports. He also loves going to the gym and has even started going with our daughter. The boy is a classmate of hers who asked her out over the summer and they have been dating ever since. Before this, my daughter’s only friends were some fellow queer kids, the area we live in isn’t super conservative but our daughter has always been more quiet too. Her little friend group has had a lot of drama over the past few months and now the only people she has are her bf and his friends. My sister has asked my daughter to be a bridesmaid/”junior bridesmaid” and my daughter’s bf has helped her through all of this, and my sister asked if he could join the services and we were able to set stuff up between his parents.This morning, everyone got up for breakfast at the time we had set and we all went down to the lobby for the complimentary breakfast. A lot of my family who don’t live near us haven’t seen our daughter’s bf yet. As we mentioned, our daughter’s bf is very athletic, and with all of his exercising, even though he eats a lot, he is still fairly skinny, he is slightly underweight but not to the point of any major health problems. While we were at dining, one of my sisters (34f) started making some “jokes” about how he should “eat a burger” and talking about how much he was eating in front of everyone, I told her to stop multiple times but she wouldn’t.My sister bullied some girls in high school for their looks, to the point of making them cry and apologized to the girls at one point and has talked about how she wants to “put that in the past”. I was getting frustrated with her behavior and eventually said that she never changed from high school. Her kids (15m, 12f and 8m) were listening and I got some questions, so I decided to tell them what I meant. After that, it was awkward and after finishing, we went on our planned events for the day. We just got back to the hotel and are waiting for dinner. We have a family group chat for the adults in the family and some are saying I should apologize to her because I “embarrassed her in front of the kids”. AITA? | AITA for bringing up my sister's past bullying in front of her kids? | NTA |
1106axc | We got in a car accident today and my car is totaled. Ot was 100% my husbands fault. It was a fully paid off Nissan Rogue that was in good condition and should have lasted a few more years. But it is 9 years old and had over 100,000 miles on it so we will probably only get $4-5000 for it from the insurance, if that. So I am upset. I am a pet sitter and go to people's houses for work and need to have a reliable vehicle. But when I show emotion (mind you it happened today) he gets mad at me saying I already feel bad, you don't need to make it worse. So AITA for being upset about losing my reliable car and either taking on debt I can't afford to get a new one or ending up with something much less reliable? | AITA for being upswt when my husband totaled my car? | NTA |
10zx1wd | first of all please no judging here, i am looking for genuine take on my stance in a situation i am really unsure about. Firstly, i am 19 and my bf is 21. we’ve been together for almost 3 years i’ve been living with him for over a year, we have a great and loving relationship. Yes, we do live with his parents since we are both still young and it would be irresponsible to try and get our own place right now. He does split the bills equally with his mom seeing as his dad no longer works. I am 4mo pregnant with our first child, we are both excited and are moving houses pretty soon because the landlord is screwing us over here. Me and my bf wanted the master bedroom at the new house for space for our baby, the room we have now is extremely small and couldnt even fit a crib so we wanted all the space we can get. His parents immediately said no for the reason that room comes with it’s own restroom and is connected to the laundromat and they don’t wanna be “walking in and out to do laundry” which we said we have no problem with. Then after that it changed to they want their own restroom and this and that, which idc about the restroom. they could put a lock on it for all i care and deem it theirs. I just wanted the room for our child, we both did. Now the room we are getting is still about a good size bigger but i’m still a little upset about it. My boyfriend even offered to pay more rent for the master, they said no and they wont even let him pay less rent for the smaller room on top of that his brother who sells dr*gs out of the house pays no bills at all. We agreed if they didnt wanna give us the room then we will move in with my mom. My mom is opening her doors to us, she has a great and healthy environment, we will also save money on rent. We told his family this and they said “fine if you wanna leave then leave, we’ll just get an apartment.” though i think they thought we were bluffing. his family is extremely toxic and dysfunctional they always have been. growing up in a healthy environment and moving in with him and his family, it’s like hell and still is after 1 year but i love him to death. anyways his mom called him the other day talking about money and bills and he kinda got into it with her because he gave her some of the last of his money for the light bill while his brother has all this money and pays nothing and he threatened leaving and she said “if you leave, what am i gonna do” anyways just goes to show.,it’s not even about the master Br anymore but the environment. we decided not to raise our child in a environment like this .EDIT; Okay i understand my part in being the AH i think, it seems a lot of y’all think of me as entitled or selfish when that’s not the case. I never felt entitled to the bedroom we just questioned if we could possibly have it, they said why we couldn’t, we offered a solution they still said no and that was that. we didn’t argue on it anymore because yes they are the parents we understand that. now to everybody saying we’re unfit to be parents, that’s just stupid. we are doing good financially we are able to take care of ourselves and a baby we have supportive homes. i don’t think it’s a requirement for us to have our own home before having a baby. that’s not a reality for A LOT of young parents. either way this child will be loved, will have a roof of their head and will be taken care of. as long as they have a healthy home and healthy family that’s all that matters to me. not us living with my mom or his mom because that’s just a temporary solution and a home of our own will come in due time trust me. it’s just not smart right now financially but thanks for everybody’s input tho, i respect everybody’s opinions and i understand them. just no bashing at the least.. we are doing the best we can, the child is being born either way we are very happy and ready. no we may not have a home of our own but we have all the important things and that’s all we need right now. | AITA for wanting the master bedroom over my bfs parents | YTA |
1105awx | For context I live in India and work as a free lance Image and Video editor mostly for foreign clientele.So basically one of my elder brother’s closest mates let’s call him X was getting married and he asked me to edit some of his wedding and pre-wedding pics for him. He even offered to pay me which I refused since I also knew him for a long time and offered to do it for free.By the time the pre-wedding photos and videos came to me I had less than 24 hours to edit them before delivery as they needed it before the reception ceremony.Mind you I had other work at hand but still however managed to edit all of the files to whatever little specifications they had provided earlier and even sent them some samples so as to get an opinion if everything was to their liking.X even went through a few of the files and replied that everything looked okay and to edit the rest of the files ‘as per my liking’. I sent the rest of the files to them and went about my day as usual.On the day of the reception ceremony I got a message from X saying that I needed to re-edit nearly all of the video files I sent them and sent me a long list of specific details as to what they needed.It was like an hour long worth of un-edited videos that needed to be re-edited from the scratch and be delivered within a few hours.I also had other projects I needed to submit within that time frame.So I explained to X quite rationally that it was near impossible to be done and I had other work to do at the same time so I couldn’t help him.He then called me and quiet angrily stated that I should be “professional” about my work and shouldn’t leave my clients hanging last minute like this and demanded that I get to editing his videos right away. I explained to him that I had sent him a few samples of what he was to expect and he gave a green flag on those and told me to edit the rest as I see fit.He then began a long rant on how irresponsible I was and how he shouldn’t have trusted me in the first place and how I made him look bad in front of his wife and in-laws.He even went on to the extent where he called me a ‘shame’ to my family name at which point I hung up on him and blocked his number.Later in the evening I got a call from my brother asking me if I could still edit at least some of the videos for his friend.I explained to him what happened in detail and how X had behaved with me.Despite hearing all this he said it was my fault and said that I should apologise to X for hanging up on him and not receiving his calls. I told him that it was simply not gonna happen to which he said that “I” had strained their friendship and made him embarrassed in front of his friends and how I was behaving arrogantly regarding a petty matter and blamed the entire fiasco on me.At this point I lashed out on him and called him and his buddy entitled and hung up.I really don’t know how to feel regarding this and am now feeling guilty as I believe I could have at least avoided the confrontation with my brother.AITA? | AITA for refusing to re-edit my brother’s friend’s pre-wedding photos at the last minute? | NTA |
10zxnof | Writing from my phone, so sorry if the format is wrong. Also, English is not my first language.So, for a bit of context: I'm(24m) estranged from my family, have been since I turned 18. We talk maybe once a year, and that's it. I'm completely independent from them, and have now my own "chosen" family. Considering that, my family is rich, and I'm set to inherit everything when my parents die (which won't happen for a very long time, they're healthy and young).Now, to the story. My best friend(24m), whom I consider my brother, is from a different nationality than me, and he travels around the world pretty much all the time. Lately, he wants to settle down in my country. Because he's a foreigner, and doesn't have a job here, he could only stay 90 days (tourist visa) and then would have to leave. Only "easy" way for him to stay, is to get married to a national. So, I offered to get married: he could stay as long as he wanted, and I get to say that I married my best friend. Sounds like a great anecdote to me. Also, we only need to stay married for three years until he can get citizenship through naturalization, and then we can get divorced and to each their own. We have our marriage appointment in two weeks, everything is going forward.Thing is, my family found out about it, and now I have all of them ganging up on me. Half of my family thinks I'm marrying for love and chose to not invite them, so they're acting offended. Other half thinks I'm doing something stupid and giving my inheritance away (as if it made a difference to them).I'm still getting married, I don't care what they say. But they are making me think I'm doing something stupid. Is this that bad?Edit: adding this because I've seen it many times. I come from a country where immigration is received with open arms. There's no such thing as immigration fraud (I've checked with a lawyer), and you don't need to prove romantic feelings for getting married. How can you say something is illegal when you don't even know what country we're talking about people? Also, because I forgot to add, I do have a prenup. | AITA for getting married? | NTA |
110fhas | My (16F) mom (42F) was hosting a dinner party with her friends. Her friends have three kids that my brother (18M) and I have known since we were little. For the sake of this story we'll call them Amy (16F), Butch (18M), and Vincent (early/mid 20s? M).My brother had the idea of going to the gas station for snacks. I, Amy, and Butch agreed to go since we had nothing else to do, but Vincent decided to stay behind since he was talking with my mom's friends about his job.My house has a double garage, and so a fairly big driveway. In our driveway there were 3 cars parked; to the right side of the driveway was Amy's mom's car, behind it was Vincent's car, and to the left of Amy's mom's car is my brother's car. We all got into my brother's car, and as he was pulling out he hit Vincent's car. My brother scraped his back panel up pretty badly. I don't know much about cars, but it looked like the scratches went deep and is expensive to fix. Once he backed out of the driveway, he drove us to the gas station without saying anything else about what just happened. Amy and Butch stayed silent, as did I. I wasn't sure what was going through his head, so I didn't say anything and gave him time to clear his thoughts.After we got the snacks and we get home, I asked my brother if he's going to say anything. He told me no, and that if Vincent does notice it he'll probably figure out it was him and then he'll admit to it and pay him back. I knew this sounded wrong, but I wasn't sure what to say in the moment. Once we got inside, my brother quickly excused himself to bed (it was 11 PM) and about 10 minutes after everyone left. Vincent didn't come back inside to ask about the scratches, so I'm guessing he didn't see them since it was dark outside.This all happened last night, and it's only a matter of time before Vincent notices the scratches. The way I see it, there are two outcomes when he notices the scratches: 1. The outcome my brother described, or 2. Vincent doesn't realize it was my brother and pays to fix the scratches out of his own money.If it's the first option, no problem, my brother gets shit for not telling him but he pays him back. If it's the ladder option, that's what I'm worried about. If he doesn't realize it was my brother who did it, my brother goes off scot-free. So far, I don't know if Amy or Butch have any plans to say anything. I want to say something, but I don't have Vincent's phone number to tell him, so the only way I can think of getting to him is through my mom. I can already imagine the hellfire my mom is going to bring down on my brother if I say something, plus he'll know right away it was me who said something.Our relationship is already strained as it is, if he we're to find out I said something that could be the nail in the coffin. Not only that, I don't know if this is my place to get involved. I didn't hit anyone or get hit, so I don't know if I should say something or let this happen like my brother wants it to.WIBTA? | WIBTA for telling my mom my brother scraped someone's car? | NTA |
1109sbr | Context, I 27M have had a friend 27M since college and we occasionally see each other once or twice a year. We’re friends who keep in touch but we don’t even see each other very often. His birthday was this week and he had a reservation for a hotpot restaurant in a location that was far from me. A month before it I agreed to go. However, I was unfamiliar with the area it was in or if the subway was working. Fast forward to the day of, I leave my house on good time. I am on the train and the commute has exceeded 2 hours, and after transferring to multiple subways and subway stations, I am almost there. However, the last train I had to take was under construction. I knew it was a problem since the platform was flooded with people. I saw one train go by because the cars were full to the brim. People could not even squeeze in and had to wait for the next train. 10 minutes pass, by this time I am exhausted from the previous parts of the commute and feel like my patience is running thin. The next train comes, it is again full. Now to give you background, during my college days I have done plenty of long commutes, so much so that I told myself that when I got older, that if it was avoidable, I would not withstand a long commute with an unpleasant environment. While on the platform, I thought about how the commute home would be worse and I was already exhausted physically and mentally. So I made a judgement call, I decided to cancel. I sent my friend a pic of me on the platform and explained that the train was under construction and that I simply could not make it due to the circumstances, so at least he knew I tried. Big mistake.Everything seemed fine until 6 hours later when I got a text from him complaining on me cancelling, stating that he lost his deposit for the reservation because a couple people didn’t show (he had invited around 15 people, so it wasn’t just me). We then got into an argument because again, I am just one person and I decided to not go due to the circumstances. He then proceeded to mock my reasoning, call me a prima donna and proceeded to state the “favors” he has done for me. This was a shock because I don’t understand why he would stoop so low but I then stated the times I accommodated him and that people have canceled on me before but I never complained (guess im built differently). Anyway, the conversation went nowhere.We’re probably not going to be friends anymore since I can’t believe he was counting favors. He even mentioned something from years ago that was totally irrelevant to the situation. Sure, I couldn’t make it but there was a better way to express frustration imo. Anyway, I don’t think it’s salvageable. Am I the asshole?Edit: A deposit of any kind was never mentioned prior to the event. Again, he invited a bunch of people. I am only one person and the amount of the deposit was high. I won’t offer reimbursement because I am only one person and apparently other people couldn’t make it either. Plus, like I said he didn’t inform me of a deposit for any reservations. I also stated he should have booked a more accessible venue. | AITA for not showing up to my friend’s birthday dinner? | NTA |
10zzewf | I (28M) am currently cohabitating with my ex GF/ BM (29). The breakup wasn’t terrible per se and I’ve been feeling relaxed because I am dealing wit less of her. She broke so she could date her new guy, it hurt in terms of pride not the softer emotions. After a month I’m feeling spiritually free, We are still cordial because rent is too damn high. Moving would entail a big financial move which I can’t afford. We still do small favors like getting small snack for each other while running errands, minus any emotional labor. Like this morning she offered her bed because I got rid of mine because it ripped and it has fiber glass inside. when I woke up she told me her guy was coming over and he was going to use the PlayStation 4. I said “he better use a rubix cube while he waits” she said “he’s using it, I have games on there too” . -well good thing you have the disc version •Emotionally I felt like “ wtf, man’s is literally going to show up and make me single then use my PlayStation?” She kinda laughed it off (“don’t be like that”) and leaves to pick him up. I put away our controllers (my daughter’s and I) and leave her controllerI go lay back downShe arrives and then *Beep*Then she comes to me asking what setting for input. Why it isn’t showing? PS4 sometimes does this but I shrug. Simply say i won’t help because I told her it was a no“we’ll get out of my bed if you’re going to throw a tantrum”- That’s perfectly fine *get up and go to my pallet because I’m still tired from night shift *I look over at him and say “that PlayStation is my my property, I don’t feel my baby momma has a right to lend it out” (he has like 3 or 2 BM so I’m hoping he understands) So here I am wonder if I was being petty or if I should listen to myself | AITA for not letting my ex GF’s boyfriend use my PS4. | NTA |
1105cr9 | Background info: my BIL (37M) - my husband’s brother - is single and childless. He has a lot of health issues meaning his sleep pattern is out of whack and he often takes medication that makes him fuzzy. He doesn’t get out much, doesn’t have a job or a social life. His only experience with children is with our kids (9 and 6).He came around on the weekend wanting to go to the park with my kids. They were playing down the road at a friend’s house so he went there to offer to go to the park. Three of my friend’s kids and two other kids who were also playing there all wanted to go too - both other families are particularly lenient about this kind of thing and they were ok with it. And he said yes. So now he has 7 kids from three families aged between 5 and 10 (5, 6, 6, 6, 9, 9, 10), two of whom he’s never even met before this moment. They’re riding scooters to the park - about a 10 minute walk.When we found out, we went too because we weren’t comfortable. I told him I thought it was stupid and irresponsible. I asked him how he felt he would manage if there had been an emergency: if he lost track of a child, someone gets badly hurt or some other medical emergency. He said he’d call emergency services. I asked how he’d manage supervision of the other 6, who might be frightened or far ahead. I explained that it’s a big responsibility taking on other people’s kids and if something went wrong he would be held responsible. He didn’t understand at all, thought he’d be fine in an emergency despite never having been in that kind of situation. He was offended that I didn’t think he could manage. I said I would struggle in that situation and I would be nervous about taking it on. He basically disagreed with everything I said. So AITA for raising my concerns? | AITA for telling my brother in law he shouldn’t take 7 kids out on his own? | NTA |
110dz43 | I (18f) got my drivers permit Friday. I had drove to my grandma’s house after I passed the test and she was so happy and proud of me. She made a whole post on Facebook about it and was bragging to my aunts about it. I have an aunt (19f) let’s call her Liv and she was acting excited about it on the phone so I didn’t think anything was wrong. Well Liv lives with my grandma and my grandma was saying how Liv just kept saying how she’s the family disappointment and how she’ll never be anything and just sulking around the house. For background when we were younger Liv always tried to make everything a competition and would get jealous and mad when anybody would give/buy me things. I thought we had grown out of that by now. I don’t think this is really necessary to put in here but just in case Liv and her siblings are my step aunts/uncle. Everyone in my family views them as blood related since they’ve been in the family 16 years. I just don’t know if I’m the asshole for not waiting for her to get her drivers permit first but she’s hasn’t been trying to take the test or study. So am I the asshole? | AITA for getting my drivers permit first? | NTA |
1102430 | I (22F) and my baby sister (let's call her Sam, 15F) have always been close. Because we had such an age gap, we never had the stereotypical sibling squabbles, and even when I went away for university, we would regularly FaceTime and she would visit me at college sometimes. She's a really good kid -- super kind and so intelligent and funny.A year ago, right after I graduated, our parents both passed away in a very unexpected accident and I adopted her -- our grandparents live in India and both our parents were only children, so there were no aunts or uncles, but regardless of the situation, I think (hope?) I would've made the same decision.I moved back home, luckily in a major metro area where the company I'd just started working at had a HQ, and life continued. Very luckily, our parents left sizable trust funds, which meant that our lifestyle didn't have to change -- Sam could still continue going to the small private school that she's been going to since she was in Kindergarten and college would be paid in full off the dividends alone. Basically, we were in an ideal terrible situation.Things since then have been going OK all things since considered. We continue to be in therapy. Sam has adjusted relatively well to the changes. The issue is I have always been worried about/for her and have always tried to help her out but ever since the accident, I worry that I am going to be the reason she messes up (I have talked extensively about this in therapy lol). Our parents were wonderful and I like to think I've turned out well and I want Sam too, also. She is so smart and she deserves the world, and I don't want to be reason she doesn't get that. In a bid to avoid that, I think I've become more strict than even my parents, even though Sam is a good kid. She gets great grades, is taking difficult courses, and is very involved at school and in ECs.The school she goes to (I went there also, K-12) is a high pressure environment. It has incredible college outcomes, but the kids do so muchand because of that, when they relax, it can get really wild. I know this firsthand, and so did my parents, and they tacitly allowed this, figuring I wouldn't be as wild if it was allowed.Anyways, when she asked me if she could go to one such party month ago, I outrightly refused. Since then, I feel like our relationship has deteriorated. I worry I am keeping her from enjoying with her friends, but I also don't want her to ruin her life (and have it be because of me). It came to a point where I caught her sneaking out of our apartment a few days ago and we ended up having a screaming match where she accused me of being a "controlling bitch". I am worried she's right.I want to be friends with my sister again. But I am also worried that something bad will happen. I'm not sure what to do and I'm worried I'm going to lose her over this issue, something so small compared to everything else. Should I just start letting her go to parties -- which my parents did allow for me? | AITA for not letting my baby sister (15F) go to a party? | YTA |
110f65u | I'm (25F) still pregnant with our first child and my fiancé (26M) and FBIL (23M) are planning to go to their cousin's wedding abroad and our baby would be only 4 weeks old by then (if the baby decides to arrive on time). I have no problem with this, only the fact that they are planning to make the trip so long. If the baby would be older, then we would be joining them. There are only 1-2 direct flights in a week from our country to the destination country, but there are many flights with layovers. A layover would increase the travel time by 1-2 hours. So making the trip shorter would mean choosing flights with layover. In my opinion, travel day + wedding day + travel day aka tuesday-thursday (wedding is on wednesday) would be fine. FBIL and now even FMIL are saying it's too short and 6 days (mon-sat) would be better option.. and my fiancé has not yet taken a stand on the whole matter. I feel that his priorities are not the same as mine. I am new to being a mom and scared to be alone so long. I'm also afraid of getting postpartum depression, given my past with mental health. Am I just a nervous new mom and making a big deal out of it or what do you guys think?(English is not my first language, sorry for any typos) | AITA for wanting my fiancé to not go 6 day trip and leave me alone with a newborn baby? | NTA |
10zuxwx | So me and my neighbor have been best friends for almost three years. I watch his cat all the time. When he’s out, he tells me all I have to do is spend time with her and make sure she’s safe but I go above and beyond cause that’s my best friend. Like when his cat had an ear infection, I gave it medication and cleaned all the poop and vomit it left in his apartment even though I didn’t have to.This time, it was his turn to watch my new kitten. I wanted to hang with family for two weeks for my bday, but my mom is allergic so I had to leave my cat. He said sure! During the trip he sent photos here and there and everything seemed fine. When I got home… I wish I could post the video. I don’t know what knocked me out first, the look or the smell. My apartment was steaming hot and smelled AWFUL, the floor was covered in ripped toilet paper, and my cats litter box was horrendous. The litter was so caked and hard with cat piss, my cat could only poop on top of and around it. Because the poop sat on top of the litter, there was nothing to cover the smell, so the shit and piss just baked in my hot ass apartment for days. My cat smelled awful when, usually, he smells like his litter. He also seemed traumatized because when I walked in, he hid for three hours.I messaged my friend asking what the hell was going on. He justified the litter box by saying that’s what he does with his cat. He just waits until his cat yells at him or poops on the floor to change her litter box. He said the apartment smelled fine to him and to “literally just open a window” and that he turned my fan off because he didn’t want the cat to get cold. I was shocked. The litter box I saw verged on neglect. I thought, “Maybe the cat did all this when he left” and I sent him a video of my place and simply asked, “Did my room look like this when you left?”. He immediately got defensive and wanted to know where his thank you was for keeping my cat alive and reminded me that he always gave me a thank you gift after he came back. He said it sounded like I expected him to clean my house when all he agreed to was keeping my cat safe. Mind you, he usually leaves for 2-3 days at a time but I left for two weeks, so of course a little more work would be involved. I told him I never expected him to clean anything but just to let me know that my place was a mess before I arrived so I could have it cleaned or do something about it. He said he cleaned a little everyday but that nothing stays clean around my kitten, that he was going through a million things at the time, that I should basically be grateful that my cat is alive, that my place was never the “paragon of cleanliness” I think it is, and that I was being petty and unnecessary. I spent that night cleaning toilet paper and poop out my bathroom, shower, and bedroom. He never once apologized for anything. Would I be an asshole for ending a friendship off this?TL;DR: Had my best friend watch my cat for two weeks and came back to my apartment smelling/covered in cat poop. When I asked him about it, he wanted to know where his thank you was. | AITA for telling my best friend to fuck off after letting them cat sit for two weeks and coming home to my room covered in shit and toilet paper | NTA |
110dlzl | So my friend has this annoying habit of playing psychologist and psychoanalysing other people. At first, I just accepted it and thought it was a fun quirk of theirs, but then it got old and annoying pretty quickly. I had pulled them up on it twice before, and they denied they were playing psychologist then later accused me of doing it (when I asked them how they were feeling after a certain event at work). Some things happened and we lost touch for a bit and part of that was me intentionally distancing myself as they had continued to do it, amongst other things. I also reflected and noticed that at the start of our relationship, this tendency of theirs led me to disclose some traumatic shit (which I know is my fault but it felt like I was pressured to be vulnerable when I wasn’t ready). Their response at the time was to also ask more invasive questions about it. Anyway, we were supposed to meet and I decided I would talk to them about it. I sent an initial message asking if they still wanted the conversation face to face or over the phone. They demanded to do it over message. So I wrote out this long message regarding above, trying to acknowledge where I went wrong too and of course that I still value them as a friend. They called me a bitch, told me to get over it, and said that I had remembered everything incorrectly. We had some back and forth and I’ve apologised for how my method of confrontation wasn’t the best (ie just bringing it up - but also wasn’t sure when else or how to?). I decided to cut off the friendship for how they reacted, and they still maintain that I attacked them suddenly and that I was being unfair for how I disliked their reaction and are now saying it’s my fault that the relationship is in shambles because there was nothing wrong with it in the first place. I’m trying to be better at confronting people as things happen, but it’s honestly really difficult for me as I grew up in an abusive home and have difficulty identifying what’s problematic in the first place until I really think on the event. TL;DR AITA for confronting a friend over something that’s been happening since the beginning of our friendship with little context? | AITA for confronting my (20s F) friend (30s NB) about something they have been doing since the start of our friendship? | NTA |
110bfjq | I will keep this short and to the point.He always does this, change his travel plans without talking with me and expects me to cater to his plan change. He is currently in NV and was supposed to get back Monday night. I arranged for my friend to drive me there because I’m not a confident night driver, especially going to the airport.He totally changed his plans and decided to take the red eye and will arrive at 9:30am. I would be at work and that would mean I would have to take an really early lunch and go and pick get him. We live about 10 minutes away from the airport, so he can easily Uber. I mentioned he does this often, I mean he makes his travel plans without considering me and my comfort level. Like, the timing would be super late at night (I’m still a new driver and tend to avoid night after as I don’t see very well. or the far drop off/pickup locations ( pick an airport that is 45mins away vs. 10 minutes. We fight about these things before and he would be all immature and say he will never ask me next time he travels. I told him that’s not the solution, the solution is to just consider me in your travel arrangements if you expect me to be involved. His expectation is another problem though, he thinks just because we we together, I should be doing these things for him and I should support him even if I don’t agree with what he says. So, should I just roll my eyes and just pick him up? | WIBTAH if I don’t pick up my bf from the airport? | NTA |
1101xiy | Recently this has been on my mind so let’s make the story clear:TLDR at the bottom:Recently me a Chinese person was getting mocked by an autistic kid named let’s call him John. John was being quite annoying over the last 2 months he’s in my classes and a few weeks ago I was told he was being racist about me by a few of my friends apparently he called my stuff I really don’t feel comfortable typing. His had no punishments for the stuff he does because he’s autistic and the teachers won’t do anything about it tried before. I just got he is just growing no he’s full well of what he is doing. Because he is bragging all the time about it.I’ve tried to stay clam but one day I’ve finally lost it.He was just being annoying as per usual during lunch and I lost it the built up rage was too much. I said Shut the Fuck Up and ranted to him for 4 minutes don’t remember the words that was said but I said stuff like “You can’t have things go you way and some other stuff” enough for him leave in tears. All my friends were just stunned that I just broke out like that. A lot of people started thinking he was the victim because they didn’t hear the entire story and when I tried explaining they didn’t believe me and I was getting shamed because of this people thought I took it too far. My friends and teachers are on my side on this but many people are not people have been pressuring me to apologise to him because I took it too far and I think I did I’m thinking about this now but AITATLDR:A Autistic Boy was being really racist to me and and one day my anger finally lost it after he was being annoying. I ranted in front of his face with a lot of stuff I don’t remember saying but I knew it hurt him because he left crying a lot of people thought I started it so they went on his side and I am now being forced to apologise I think I took it a little far AITA | AITA for telling a autistic classmate to stop what he’s doing. | NTA |
10zzwdj | I won a pretty little jackpot playing slots unexpectedly ($1300) and offered to take two of my friends out to a nice dinner with drinks and hibachi. I made it clear that I want to do it on a week night as it can get extremely crazy at the restaurant during the week. I also just like the vibe better on slower nights where it is much easier to hear each other talk. I was met with opposition from my friend X. He's insisting we do it on a weekend because he works during the week. In the past we've frequently gone out and gotten beers/dinner on week nights, and this time would be similar. Frankly, this made me pretty angry considering I was the one paying for dinner (approx $100/person for drinks+appetizers/sushi+food). I put my foot down, saying something to the effect of "since I'm the one paying, I don't think it's outlandish for me to pick the day, if it's really going to ruin the experience you don't have to go". I think what I said is blunt to but warranted. AITA?Edit: here are the exact texts sent, first one, followed by another after 45 minutes of not hearing back and judging my tone to be a bit harsh prompting me to type the follow up message>It's gonna be a week day. I'm the one paying I don't think it's that outlandish for me to want to pick the date 🤷 if you are really against it and won't have a good time on a week day then you don't have to go>For the record I'd like you to go and think it's no different than going out for beers or wings on a week day like we've done in the past | AITA for offering to buy my friends dinner, but choosing the time of the week myself? | NTA |
110fyj4 | Thanks for reading. I'm a long time lurker.I'm a 36 female and was a bridesmaid to my good friend's wedding, Anna 46. I was initially very honoured, until I went to the first bridesmaid's meeting at her house on Thursday.I realised Anna, hadn't chosen 8 of us, to be her bridesmaids because of our friendships with her, but because of our skills. Example one of her bridesmaids is a Hairdresser, so she will be doing all the hairstyles of the bridesmaids, Anna, Anna's sisters (whom are not bridesmaids) and her mother.I come from a big family so am used to cooking for large amounts of people, so I was expected to cook for 80 guests. I also make sculptures and jewellery out of wire silver clay, so was expected to make Anna's crown and necklaces, bracelets for Anna, the bridesmaids, sisters and mother. I was also expected make 20 wire sculptures for each table. (She wasn't offering any money for the ingredients and materials).Anna then said, that each bridesmaid needs to make an £800 donation. One of the bridesmaids (a Make up Artist) said she is not going to pay, to work for free and Anna said that a bridesmaid is meant to support the bride. Other bridesmaids spoke up, so Anna started shouting and at one point her husband to be, Mark stepped in. Two of the bridesmaids stormed off in the garden to smoke, but because one of them moved so fast their toddler seemed a little confused, so he ran in circles and then put his hand on my knee. I then scooped him up in my arms and placed him on my lap. Anna then shouted "why are you moving when I'm talking, you stupid r... whore." I was very upset as she was dragging up my past and I don't know the other bridesmaids, they all went to University with Anna, I didn't. I wanted to leave but I had the little boy on my lap. Everyone was staring at me, whilst Anna kept talking and I desperately tried to hold back tears.I haven't told my loved ones about this because I'm just so upset and don't want to upset them, but Anna sent an email today with her bank details for the £800 and an attachment of the contract, detailing my duties. I emailed back saying that I can't fulfill my duties as a bridesmaid, so will be stepping down.AITA? | AITA for stepping down as bridesmaid? | NTA |
110fja5 | I (54F) moved to a new city and have two vehicles. My friend's husband was willing to drive our truck while I drove our children in the minivan. Halfway there, we stopped to gas both vehicles. When I went to pull out of the gas station, I crept forward to ensure I was clear to proceed. However, her husband, who was driving our truck, was looking over his shoulder to also clear himself. Instead of looking forward before he accelerated, he just went, and in the process, he drove our truck right into the side of our minivan, caving in the automatic door and smashing the front of the truck. It was frustrating but I get it that accidents happen. He was very apologetic and I appreciated that he was willing to help us transport one of our vehicles to the new city, so I wasn't going to get angry right then. We secured the door and continued the drive. The next day, I contacted the insurance company and I took them to get the estimate. The accident resulted in $3K in damage to the truck and $5K in damage to the van. We have a $500 deductible but since both of our vehicles were damaged in the accident, we would have to pay the $500 for each car. I contacted my friend to let her know the cost. She expressed sympathy that we had to pay that much. That's when our conversation got heated. She got very mad when she realized that I expected them to pay the deductible, or at least a portion of it (I even said they could help pay us back if they needed more time and didn't have that kind of money immediately). I was told that's what insurance is for and it wasn't their problem what our deductible is. She then made a comment that they will end up having to pay more in the end because his insurance company will know he had an accident and their rates will go up. I'm not sure how that will occur since they use a different insurance company than us and we didn't file a police report. I haven't talked to them since this happened and wondered AITA for expecting them to help pay since it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been so careless in the first place. | AITA for expecting my friend to pay the insurance deductible | NTA |
110f32z | I’ve (M30) been with my partner (F29) for a year and we live together. Last night my friend who I’ve known for almost ten years threw a birthday party. My partner felt ill and was unsure if she wanted to come but came because she didn’t want to be alone for the evening. She said if she felt unwell she may leave early and I said that’s fine. I said I wanted to stay until between 11 and 12. During the party she complained that I abandoned her a few times. She was sitting in the corner and I mostly sat with her and tried to include her but a few times got caught up in conversations with people I don’t see often but I was keeping her on my mind and after a few minutes would return back to her.At 10:30 she said she wanted to leave and wanted me to come with her. We live 20 minutes away by taxi so neither of us were relying on the other for a lift. I said I wanted to stay because I was having fun and socialising with friends I haven’t seen in at least a year. She got upset and claimed I originally said I wanted to stay until 10 which wasn’t true.She ended up storming off without saying bye to anyone which raised a lot of questions from people who noticed. I was annoyed but decided to stay for longer and texted her a few times asking where she was.After an hour or two I phoned her and she was throwing abuse at me, calling me vile names and saying I’m the most selfish and horrible person she’s ever met. I have always said before I think if we go to a social event as a couple, if one person isn’t feeling it but the other person is, then it’s perfectly acceptable for the other person to stay longer and if the shoe were on the other foot I wouldn’t mind and would want her to have fun.I returned home and she hasn’t spoken to me since. | AITA for staying at a party when my partner wanted to leave? | NTA |
110byhz | Throwaway account; I(25f) am a current college student renting an upstairs bedroom with an older couple and their adult kids. Everything has been okay, and we all keep to ourselves for the most part while saying hello when we cross paths. However, the husband (70m)‘s home office is below my room, where he will be making loud international calls from midnight to the early morning—sometimes making it hard for me to fall asleep. They commented when I first moved in about me staying up late since they heard my desk chair rolling around at night. I promptly purchased a chair mat to ensure I didn’t make any noise that can bother them. I have my licensing exam soon, and the husband has been on his nightly phone calls from midnight to almost 4:00 am. WIBTA if I asked him to talk quieter at night? TL;DR My landlord makes loud international calls all night, which makes it hard to sleep. WIBTA to ask him to talk quieter? | WIBTA to tell my landlords to be quiet | NTA |
110aals | I (18F) am in nursing school, 3 hours away from home, and as a result I live in student dorms (this comes into play). For some some context, my boyfriend (18) was messing around with basal metabolism calculations, because he likes numbers and stuff and had been speaking about it in a nutrition class that he's partaking in for college. Your basal metabolism, for anyone who doesn't know, is the number of calories that you burn as you perform basic life sustaining functions, like breathing and sleeping. Now, there is nothing wrong with telling me my basal metabolism, why not know how many calories I burn while I breathe?The issue arose with the scaling and information inputting. He did a calculation before, then I did one myself to double check, and then he decided to do one more calculation just to triple check. He asked me if I would describe myself as "low active" or "sedentary", which he described as "walking a lot, not necessarily working out but having some activity a couple days a week" and "low to no activity at all, walking to different rooms is the extent". I said low active, because honestly I am. Here's where we work in the student dorms. Since I live in the dorms and don't have a car, I walk everywhere. I drag my groceries in a wagon through the snow (I'm Canadian and live in the north), I walk to the clinic, I walk to stores, I walk to restaurants. I walk a lot, and several times a week. I have nursing labs every Tuesday where I literally stand and walk for 3 hours straight. I like to go skating every other weekend. I'm not the greatest most active human, but I am far from a bump on a log. Anyway, he accepted that answer and continued calculating and he mentioned that the first time he calculated, he put me down as "high sedentary", which basically means a couch potato. like someone that has fast food every day, doesn't leave the house, barely gets up except to use the bathroom. And I felt insulted. he said that it was because of my online classes keeping me in a chair for hours at a time and he thought I didn't do much. I told him that it was hurtful he'd think of me like that. I told him all of the typical activities I do, and he told me he forgot about them.Now, I'm insulted and hurt that he really thought that of me, and he practically cried and told me he didn't mean it like that and just "didn't understand" the different categories right, despite describing them to me pretty well. I'm starting to feel like I overreacted and hurt him by being so forward about my insulted feelings, and that I should've just let the comment go, but this also isn't the first time he's said things about my activity or how I do things/how I look. AITA?Edit: He knows about my labs, he has my schedule and I have his. He's into fitness and considers himself "high active", and has given me a lot of unsolicited advice about how I could improve myself. Edit 2: To give some perspective in the comments, I live in a more northern area of Canada, so we have snow until the end of March/beginning of April, which is really annoying to pull a wagon through. I’m 125lbs, 5”4 3/4, and I’d say the walk to and from the grocery store is probably a kilometre round trip, not including all the walking done in stores (shopping usually takes me about an hour). (A kilometre is about 0.6 miles, for you lovely Americans). Also, my diet consists of a lot of fruit, rice, lighter meats like pork and chicken, and dairy, so in my opinion it’s fairly balanced for a broke college student. My boyfriend is a generally great guy all around, but we’ve always clashed when it came to activity. As for my nursing practice, I know that I’m healthy and that my habits are not going to hurt me, and I also understand that working out isn’t the staple of a healthy lifestyle. As a student nurse I’ve learned you get a lot of exercise just by being in the profession, I mean my labs are an entire day long, and I’m left standing for 3 hours, break for lunch, and then stand another 3 hours. So it’s more like 6 hours total. | AITA for telling my boyfriend that he insulted me? | NTA |
1101lnz | I'm (f19) a bigger woman and I'm very self conscious about it. I'm trying my best to overcome it and sort things out but it's incredibly difficult. I also have a different taste in clothes, I mostly only wear the colour black and most of the clothes I have are alternative and punk. I feel a little self conscious about that too because it does make me stand out but, again, I'm trying to be comfortable in myself. My mum is a narcissist and honestly I hate her but I keep everything civil because I have a little brother (13) who doesn't like arguments and neither does my dad. The other day she was about to go out with her friends and she wanted to borrow my black trench coat because she didn't have a black coat. I'm quite a few sizes bigger than her as she is very slim so I said that she was welcome to wear it if she needed to but it was likely to be too big for her. She put it on and said "omg, look at it. It looks so stupid. Omg." I just ignored that because I assumed that she meant it looked too big for her but I was still a little upset because I know that I'm bigger but it's not nice to hear someone, especially my mum, laughing about it. She carried on laughing and said "it looks awful, omg. Do you want me to bring it down to the charity shop? look at it!" And continued laughing. I told her to take it off and put it back in my room and she said that she needed the coat because she didn't have another one and that she was only joking about and didn't mean anything serious. I said I didn't care about the excuses, she didn't like it so put it back, as it is mine and now I didn't want her wearing it. She called me pathetic and called her friend and said that I was stopping her from getting ready so she was now going to be late to meet them all. AITA for not letting her use it? Was it pathetic of me to take it to heart? | AITA for not letting my mum use my clothes after she laughed at them | NTA |
110e62d | My (31) husband (31), we'll call him Mike, got a job last year at a really good place, he loved It, It was paid badly, no sick leaves, no pension found...but It was everything he'd ever want from a job, It was in the nature , funny coworkers, easygoing boss...This year he had to leave because he found a better paid job that gave him (and our family) more stability.The new job situation Is like this: 24 hours per week + another 5 hours on the weekend. I know It sounds like a parte time but it's a kind of job that requires a certain amount of work outside office hours.I work too and I do more or less the same: 24 hours a week, no weekends but more things to do at home.Even tough he quit the previous job he's still in contact with his former coworkers and sometimes he likes to go there to eat with them. When they organize dinner around the campfire he always goes (once a month).He Is particularly fond of one coworker, we'll call him Sam (20) that Is really funny and a little crazy, but in a good way. With Sam he can do a lot of stuff that he likes but couldn't do with me, like camping in the mountains during winter for 2 days...I always encourage him to go and do this kind of stuff, I'm boring, I know It, and I'm Happy he's got some company with whom he can enjoy his interests.The thing is, Sam is a little reckless sometimes, he does what he wants to do, doesn't give It a second thought, he follows his own rules...he lives alone and doesn't have anybody worrying for him. So last time they scheduled a campfire I was sick in bed but I was ok with him going anyway. So he left at 7.00 PM and at 00.30 AM he still wasn't home. At that point I must have slept but I woke up to the sound of him coming back at 2.00 AM. When he went to sleep I told him I was angry with him for coming back so late knowing that I was sick. He laughed and dismissed It. Next morning I decide to bring back the topic and tell him that he shouldn't stay out so late, because It makes me anxious and It gives me strange thoughts (our relationship in bed Is getting worse lately, he seems uninterested in me, and this alone makes me anxious). I know he's not cheating on me but still...He gets angry at me and tells me he works all day and is always buisy and those few times he can go out I must spoil It. I replay I didn't say he shouldn't go out, just come back at a decent hour.He tells me he was just wit Sam and I needn't be anxious. I replay Sam Is 20 and nobody's waiting for him, while he's 31 and he had a sick wife at home, he can't behave the same as him.So in the end He never apologised, nor did I, he goes on saying I shouldn't expect him to come home when I want to, and I keep saying he should be more considerate and come back at a decent hour.I Just think it's common sense to be back home a Little earlier, to not let your family worry, but at the same time I don't wonna tell him exactly which time he should come home, I'm not his mother...but maybe he's right, maybe I acted controlling?So AITA? | AITA for telling my husband to not be late at night? | NTA |
1101k23 | My boyfriend and I have started meal prepping for weeks at a time, and have been taking turns cooking. We keep the budget around $50 and try to make as much food as possible, to eat and freeze. We don't eat the same thing day after day, we tend to rotate between several options we pre froze during the week, trying to eat older stuff first. The meal prep was his idea, for both budget reasons since it's cheaper to buy and cook at scale, and cause we're busy. We both eat a lott, we're both really athletic and just need to. But this week, we had an argument. It was my turn to meal prep, and I was exhausted. I was talking to my friend who's an executive assistant and she said if I had a $50 budget she knew a few places that do bulk catering for great prices, she orders from them for office parties all the time, and she could get me her company loyalty discount. I checked them out and an Indian place had a 120oz container of chicken tikka masala for $55, which I got for $47 with my friend's discount. My boyfriend and I both love it and I knew they could cook it wayyy better than me. So I just bought that and portioned it out into single serving Tupperware to freeze, figuring it would make a quick easy meal if we made some rice to go with it. (We cook rice and pasta day-of since it doesn't last well) He loved the meal, but when i mentioned it was catering, and I found a spot that sells huge portions in our budget, bigger and better than what I usually manage to cook myself, I was expecting him to be happy but he got kinda mad at me. He said he busted his ass every time he meal preps to make something nice for us, and it's just like me to pay someone else to do it... I was frustrated because I spent literally the same I would have spent if I cooked myself, and honestly ended up with way more, and way better food, than I usually manage to make in that budget. He said I needed to learn to cook, and I said I could. He said he saw what I called cooking and i was right, it's not always good. I got kinda mad at him and asked why it matters so much I cook it as long as it gets cooked for under our budget. Hell, I thought he might be happy to save some time himself if he ever wants to order catering on his day - I wouldn't be mad. He said he's worked in kitchens, he knows how to fo it himself and it was entitled of me to not care to learn. I said when he DIYs it he still doesn't save money because he doesn't get ingredients at as good bulk prices as a caterer who shops at restaurant supply. I feel like this was such a dumb argument but reddit... AITA for ordering catering on my meal prep day, when my boyfriend always cooks homemade meals on his? | AITA for ordering catering when it was my turn to meal prep? My boyfriend always cooks at home when it's his turn | NTA |
1108zk6 | I (M16) have been friends with jake(M16) since second grade. He has always been pretty sensitive and I have helped him through many situations in the past. This most recent situation is what has caused the conflict. He had been talking to this girl(Jen) for about 3 months and recently Jen unadded him for what he thinks is a story he posted. The story consisted of him making sexual comments about an apple and as soon as Jen saw it she unadded him. Up until that point the conversations between them had seemed pretty decent so when she unadded him it really hurt him. After this he had made multiple very inappropriate comments about her(hoping she gets hit by a car etc.) and each time I had called him out on it. I have helped him through many situations in the past and have never been afraid to call him out as Jake is not the best person morally. I expected he would drop it after about a week but it has been 3 weeks and he still is complaining about her, dming multiple times asking why she unadded him with no response. Today he finally told me that he was going to approach her and ask her in real life and I explained that it wasn’t the best idea since she was clearly uninterested in talking to him. He was very upset about this and started to become more and more insensitive and started insulting me. I tried to keep my cool and explain that she would most likely be creeped out by him talking to her and he needs to respect her choice to stop talking. I had to explain this multiple times with him responding in excuses or insults. Eventually I gave into the frustration and told him he was “being self centred thinking she owes you an explanation and that you needs to stop being a little boy and get over her”. He seemed to be very offended by that statement and said if he doesn’t even want to be friends with me if im gonna be a “bitch”. I understand that he is experiencing emotions so I don’t really care but it seems he has complained to our other friends and they’ve been messaging me calling me a bad friend for not supporting him. I get that he is very upset by the whole situation but I dont appreciate him telling other people about our disagreement. Ik i may be an AH in saying that but I think he is equally the AH. So AITA more or is he? | AITA calling my friend a little boy knowing he will be upset by it | NTA |
110b7jl | I was having dinner on a chilly patio with my partner under a heat lamp and we were about halfway into our meal. The patio was pretty full when we sat down, we were in a side section of the patio and I was facing a wall so did not have an idea of how many tables were full or available at the time of the conflict. We were cozy under a heat lamp, and there were more heat lamps around the other patio tables. I would say that most heat lamps could be shared by 2 tables in the main patio area. I think there were a couple fire pits too. About halfway into our meal, another patron came up and started moving our heat lamp while asking my partner if they could move the heat lamp to warm their table. I was sitting farther away from the heat lamp (partner was directly under it), and if the lamp was moved at all, I would be entirely in the cold. Our tables were kind of perpendicularly wrapped around a corner, sorry I wish I could draw it out. I said “No, sorry I’m cold.” Patron continued to address my partner saying “It’s just a little bit over” (false). Partner said “I think you already got an answer”. Patron went to their table and said “Fine I guess I’ll just have to make my 4 year olds sit in the cold”, took a seat and their table that faced me, and proceeded to death stare at me for the rest of the meal. Five minutes later, Patron’s partner shows up with 2 kids and a dog. They all eat, everyone (including my party) is appropriately dressed for patio dining so it’s not like their kids were freezing in t-shirts. They were even running around screaming and climbing on the table while both parents ate and made no effort to quiet them. They finished before me and left without incident. So, am I the asshole for being cold and refusing to give away our heat lamp? There was indoor seating available and a large main area with more tables and lamps, they could have waited for a warmer table to open up like everyone else who came and dined before them. | AITA for being cold? | NTA |
110dt4t | Not really serious as the others and my friends say I'm not AITA but I'm gonna ask outside perspectives.Last week I(f17) went out with my friends and we were all chill, we decided to go out to eat and one of our friends decided to pay for all of our meals. I dont have the best financial situation but I still had the capacity to pay so I still offered to pay my meal. He didn't accept it and rejected my offer so I let it go and enjoyed the free meal. I said I will repay him back one today a bit jokingly but I don't go out often and really appreciated what he did.Now cut to today, he texted me earlier asking if I could pay him back for the meal since he wanted to buy a gift. I said I would since I still wanted to pay him back but it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I think I'm in the wrong for feeling this way but I need a bit of insight, so AITA? | AITA for feeling to not wanting to pay someone back? | NTA |
10zzrn3 | Me (22) and my friend Jane (24) had an altercation. I used to date my friend Janes boyfriend 5 years ago when I was a senior in high school. We had a two year relationship that ended because he was a cheater back then ( I don’t know if he is now) and I have self respect for myself. We went our separate ways. I met my friend Jane two years ago and we didn’t go together to the same high school so it’s not like she knew. When we all went out to eat I saw him and was surprised but kept it casual and we didn’t even speak to each other. Well she found pictures of us together at his house and he told her the whole story about how we used to date. She showed up at my house with our friends and tried to fist fight me for not letting her know that we used to date. Everyone had to pull her off of me and I told her I didn’t feel the need to say anything considering I haven’t seen him in years! And I don’t talk to him. Considering the chaos this unleashed I am now feeling like I should have casually brought it up. AITA for not letting my friend Jane know I used to date her boyfriend? | AITA for not telling my friend I dated her boyfriend | NTA |
1103u9c | I am a university student sharing a hostel room with one roommate. We usually get along peacefully. We had been allotted one study table per person. Last month, my roommate got herself another desk , one which is now put in the common space between our beds and another which is put near her bed on her side of the room. I did not have much problem with the arrangement before but now that I have started staying in my room for longer hours, the desk in our common space ( which extends well into my side) has started to bother me. It feels intruding and uncomfortable especially when my roommate uses it to study or work. The issue with her shifting the desk is that there would be no more extra space on her side to move the desk into. So, WIBTA if I ask her to shift her desk out of our common space? | WIBTA for asking my roommate to shift her desk out of our common space? | NTA |
11070ct | My(34f) BIL (32m) has stolen $8k+ in cash and an unknown amount of physical products from his last employer (major retail corporation) and an unknown (supposedly only $3k) amount of cash and products from another major retailer, his employer before that. My sister (32f) is constantly having to ask family for money for their power bill, water, meds, gas money, groceries etc. They filed bankruptcy paperwork in the fall. Various family members have expressed concern over sister and their 2 young boys living in a house during this past year with no water or no power at various points. BIL has semi admitted to a gambling problem but nothing super concrete. Sister also has her MIL living with them because MIL can not live alone, health wise. BIL admits to the stealing of cash from the companies. Sister helped him "use" the money to pay bills. BIL says "he'll do whatever is right for his boys." I confronted my sister tonight about it all and asked why she was willing to put her boys through all that? Her only response was that she loves BIL and can't do anything with out him. TL/DR: BIL stole $8k+ from work. Nephews are going without. Sister in denial. BIL has no remorse for stealing and continues to steal. | WIBTA for turning in my bil for theft | YWBTA |
10zwcvm | This was from last weekI (32M) am dating a Nurse (32F) from Philippines, she has a 8 year old kid (I don't have any), for about a year.I am currently doing a degree in night school, and I had a large essay due, as I work as well I knew over the weekend I would be having crunch time. I have always shared this deadline, and that I don't want to do anything over the weekend as I know I will be working on the essay.I knew she was working that weekend, and usually the kid has sleepovers and what not, but I said that weekend I can't deal with a house full of kids as I can't look after them. I thought that was the end of it.Come one hour before, she sends me a text (she was upstairs) saying she agreed to a sleepover the day before, and there will be 3 other kids here. I was livid, I am doing my essay, I said no before, and I can't look after them. I got no response. I went upstairs and said, I should have just gone to my parents to do this essay then, she went radio silent.So she walks out to work and leaves the kids for a sleepover, I call and say this isn't fair. Instead I get told I said I was leaving to go to my parents anyway, she will send the kid back to Phillipines, and it isn't any bother to me.I am completely bemused what I have done wrong, and why this is a blow out.TL;DR - Said I can't babysit as I have a deadline, now I am babysitting and made to feel like crap | AITA For refusing to Babysit and then getting annoyed when they where left here | NTA |
1107j9g | I (F 19) am in college and have been talking to this person (F 19) for about 4 months now. We live in the same dorm. She is a floor up from me. She cares deeply about her family and misses them a lot while we’re away. So I try to let her have her time with them. Sometimes they call when we're joking around or talking, and she drops everything to talk to them, which I guess is okay. She stays on the phone with them for an hour, sometimes more, while I'm just laying there waiting for her to finish. She was taking a test in my room while I was napping, and I gave her time to finish once I woke up. However, immediately after she finished the test and we were able to spend some time together, her dad called. She answered, of course, but what bothered me was that there were so many moments where it was just silent, and I was lying there in silence in my own room. Afterward, she could tell something was up, and I told her it was nothing until I could gather my thoughts. I explained that in times like that, I feel that she isn't being considerate of my time and that instead, maybe she can walk the halls or go back to her room until she's done. Since then, she's been kind of quiet, yet still insisting that she's not upset. Am I overreacting? Feel free to ask questions if you need more clarification. | AITA for asking the person I'm talking to to leave my room when on the phone | NTA |
110fcte | So to preface this, I(23f) broke up with my sons(5m) dad(24m) about 8 months ago and ended up homeless right after. I’ve been with my bf(28m) for just over 6 months now, and for 5 of those months I was couch surfing and living in hotels when I could afford it. I stayed with my bf and his mom for a month and stopped when I asked my grandmother(61f) if I could live with her just until I get back on my feet. I’ve lived with her for about 3 weeks now and since I’ve been here my son every single day and night that I’m not working. I’ve seen my bf a total of 3 times in that time. So yesterday before I even left for work I told my grandmother that I wouldn’t be home until really late and to just put my son to bed for me at his usual bed time and I’ll see him in the morning. She had no issue with this when I left for work. Well I got off work at 11pm, and went to watch a movie at my bfs house that we’ve been meaning to watch for weeks now. She calls me at around 11:20 asking if I’m coming home tonight and telling me that my son is waiting up for me. I reiterate that I told her before I even went to work that I was watching a movie with my bf and would be back later.Well she blows up on me, saying that I have a son and I should be home right after work and that I need to find another place to live and all this other bullshit. So I tell her it’s not wrong of me to want to hang out with my bf that I see once a week and that I WILL be home, just after the movie. She eventually tells me not to come back and I’m essentially kicked out. All because I went to watch a movie with my bf after work. So AITA here? I don’t think I did anything wrong but obviously I could be wrong here.Editing here so it doesn’t get lost in the comments but I pay rent, I pay for the groceries for the house, and I pay child support to my sons father since technically speaking he lives with him due to me being homeless. My grandmother said when I moved in that I get one day a week that she’ll watch my son so I can see my boyfriend. | AITA for hanging out with my bf after work? | YTA |
10zyi6o | This happened yesterday. Leaving a bit of detail out for the word count. I understand I could’ve went about it differently before getting to this point but AITA? I went to the nail salon to get acrylic nails. Overall it was not a good experience. I kept requesting she correct mistakes but she got argumentative so I stopped and assumed they would get better (I know I should’ve spoken up). She finally said, “Tell me everything you don’t like and I will fix it once, come on, let’s go.” I tried to at least tolerate them but when I woke up I just knew I couldn’t deal with paying that much money for something that wasn’t up to my standards. And to top it off she cut 3 of my fingers. I called today and spoke to the receptionist and I scheduled a time to come by (3pm). I get there and started explaining the problem but I literally only say one thing before they go and get someone. They tell me to sit down and new nail tech starts shaping the nail to look more square (one of the many problems). I stop her and say the issue is more than just the shape, so I wanted them redone. The nail tech said she wouldn’t take off the old work, she would just fix what’s already there. THEN, I asked for her to just take them off all together and that’s it (I was not arguing or raising my voice). She said she didn’t have time and that they will refund me and I can go somewhere else because the lady that did my nails originally didn’t do that bad and I’m just wasting everyone’s time. I said ok, fine because I didn’t want to make a scene. I asked for an itemized receipt of what I was charged for so that I could make sure I was getting a full refund for the services I initially came back for them to fix. When they told me the breakdown (or their version of it) they said I paid $70 but they were only going to refund me $60 since she’s already wasted so much time on me and they don’t usually give refunds. I said, that’s not ok with me. I just wanted a refund for the nails and design. She kept insisting they weren’t that bad and I replied saying they were not up to my standards and I’m not comfortable with them. Then the lady who did my nails came up and asked if I liked the nails, I said no. She said, “well ok, let me take them off for her. “ A few ladies yelled no (or something in their native language). Then the lady that did my nails said she wasted a lot of time on me and the nails don’t look bad and I just want to give her a hard time. I apologized to her and said I was not trying to offend her but it’s just not up to my standards. They said, this is the best we can do, we will not refund you the full $70. Our manager isn’t here but you can call her to ask for a full refund later. I said, “Ok, no worries. I’ll dispute the transaction with my bank.” I then walked away and w that was the end of that. I literally gave them a chance to fix them and they refused. Then they were rude and tried to bully me all because I didn’t like what I paid for.[Nails](https://imgur.com/a/aZfq88u) Here are the nails | AITA for asking the nail salon to redo my nails? | NTA |
110at78 | I’m (20sF) currently living with my parents because times are tough. Same thing with my uncle. He recently moved in a few months ago.About 3 months ago I noticed he would just leave his dishes in the sink and never wash them. I always pick up after myself and clean up my dishes after eating. My mom tells him to wash his dishes. He argues back that he’ll come back and do them. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. My dad comes home pretty late (11pm) and if there are dishes in the sink, he’ll just wash them. He comes home tired and yet he still washing my uncles dishes. This really annoys me. My uncle is in his mid 50s and is a grown ass man. He should stop being lazy.If he leaves his stuff in the sink, I’ll just store it away and won’t tell him where it is. But then my mom would ask me to give it back. My uncle and I are not on speaking terms because we’ve fought in the past. Recently I started to get fed up. Earlier today I just threw away his food container because he left it in the sink. Am I being the asshole?Edit: Seems like it’s a 50/50 split between YTA and NTA. I agree with the comment saying that this is really not my battle so I’ll stand back and not throw anything else away. I was just mad but I know that doesn’t make it okay. But I will be talking to my parents some more because he’s taking advantage of them (not with just the dishes but other things he’s doing). Thanks guys. | AITA for throwing out my uncle’s dishes because he doesn’t wash them? | NTA |
10zvkq4 | Recently, I (18f), had a PCL reconstruction surgery about 3 weeks ago. Recently my surgeon cleared me to drive since I was no longer on my pain meds and could get by comfortably with little pain driving and being active throughout the day. (My parents can’t drive me anymore because my stepmom is an anesthesiologist and my dad is an EMT, so they usually don’t have time and my friends all live too far away to pick me up. )However, I’m still on crutches and will be on crutches for the next 2-3 weeks, depending on how my recovery is going. So because of this, I asked my high school if there was anyway I could park closer to the building, as there was no dedicated handicap parking and parking at the school is first come first serve, and usually filled with ice right now. The admins said I could use the “loading lane”, which was an area for busses to pick up and drop off students, but now it’s no longer used because the high school doesn’t run busses anymore. It’s been said all year that you’re not allowed to park there because it’s where first responders park in case of emergencies, but since I have one car and park all the way towards the front (by the main doors), it wouldn’t be an issue and I wouldn’t be in the way.But now, I’ve noticed that after I’ve started parking there, more and more people have been parking there so they don’t have to park all the way in the back of the parking lot. And it’s causing issues for me, because I’ve been having to park further back, where there’s still a lot of snow and ice and not by the main doors, so it’s easier for me to get into the building without risking a slip and fall or having to go out into the road to avoid ice and snow patches. Usually the admins try and take care of it, but can’t monitor the parking lot constantly. If I were to report it, the students parking there would get ticketed.I was unsure if I should actually report them, because I’m very socially anxious and don’t like to cause issues. So, I asked my friends and most of them told me to drop it, because I would just be wasting everyone’s time and getting people tickets for no reason, since I can still park somewhat close and get into the building, it just takes more maneuvering. One of them said it would be petty and an asshole move to report them, because it would be like rubbing it in that I get to park close, but they don’t. However, one of them said I should report it, because it’s dangerous for me to try to get around on crutches with ice and snow. So now I’m torn, and I’m not sure what to do.So, WIBTA? | WIBTA for reporting people parking “illegally” at my school? | YWNBTA |
10zwsyz | My husband and I have a dog and he’s pretty well behaved and trained. He’s going through puberty and has some small issues we need to work on. When he sees another dog he will lunge and bark and try to go play, and when people come over he jumps up at them. We have done all sorts of different training approaches, but my husband got a shock collar. He set it up today and wanted me to feel the shock. I didn’t want to be shocked. He said if I’m not willing to shock myself then I can’t shock the dog. I said ok, I won’t shock the dog then. But, he continued to be upset that I absolutely refused to be shocked by the shock collar. I told him I don’t jump up on people and don’t need to be shocked and if he feels it’s a necessity to be shocked to give a shock then I won’t. I have been tazed before so I am positive I don’t like electric currents through my body. AITA for refusing to be shocked? | AITA for not wanting to be shocked? | NTA |
1107kd2 | A little backstory, tm *was* my coworker, N’s last day but she offered me $90 to work her shift. Fun fact: I *hate* working Sunday’s and only work them every once in a while, and the only reason I’m working tm is bc I’m getting $90 instead of the usual $60. My other coworker, R, found out and asked me “Since you’re picking up shifts..” and I instantly told her no, multiple times, firmly and sternly, like before she could even finish her sentence. She asked if I want to work a Sunday in a few weeks for her bc “she’s trying to plan her daughters birthday party” so I ended up saying yes. But I thought about it and realized I *really* don’t want to do it. I don’t like Sunday’s and I only pick them up if I could use the extra cash. It bothered me bc she found out I picked up a Sunday and practically ran to ask me to pick up one for her. Another thing, she basically begged me until I gave in. She gets pushy and doesn’t know how to take “no” for an answer. I ended up asking her if she could find someone else to work it. She said she couldn’t, how it was between me and a different coworker but she wanted to invite said coworker to the party since they’re good friends. She said “think about all the times you said you wish you could pay me back for working your shift” (she’s a server, I’m a host and don’t serve, so I can’t work a shift for her if she needed). I thought that was unfair bc she’s said multiple times how it’s okay that I can’t pay her back by working a shift, it’s fine, no big deal. Also, the starting pay is $10hr, I make $12 and hour so whenever I’d pay her for working my shift I’d pay her the $12hr pay, which I don’t have to do. She ended up saying I’m not obligated to work it for her and how I can say no, so I told her “then this is me saying no”. She said it’s okay but I feel like she might have been a little upset about it for obvious reasons. We close at 3 on Sunday’s so why can’t she just plan the party for after 3? I feel like I *might* be the asshole bc I *did* originally tell her I’d work her shift for her but I also feel like she kind of begged me into saying yes and used her daughter’s birthday party as a guilt trick. | AITA for telling my coworker I’d work a shift for her then changing my mind and telling her no? | NTA |
10zz4ow | I 28F have lived in this rental home for a year and maybe a couple months. I also have 2 kids that are very young. 2 days ago my boyfriend and I had a very heated argument. We did raise our voices at each other and my oldest child called my mom when my boyfriend and I argued. Well my boyfriend got arrested because my mom said he tried to kill me in front of my kids. My mom rushed over to our house banged on the door and when I opened the door she shoved it open and said " give me my grandkids"I walked out to tell her I'm fine and to go home but before I could she started reversing her car our of our driveway and called the cops. Which I did as well.which resulted in his arrest. I can't have contact with my boyfriend at all because of the accusations. Yesterday my boyfriend was released from jail and was picked up by his BIL. Well his BIL happens to also be our landlord. Fast forward to today... BIL gave me a verbal eviction notice saying I have 30 days to move out. And I'm assuming it's because of this incident from 2 days ago. AITA for saying no to a verbal eviction and wait until there is a court ordered document stating my eviction? ***EDIT*** My kids are aged 4 and 2mo. My boyfriend and I signed the lease and yes I do pay rent along with other utilities. I DID NOT call the police on my boyfriend as the argument ended 10 minutes before she tried barging in our home. He did not get physical with me and I called the police on my mother. And she called them on us. My boyfriend got arrested for the scratch on my neck that came from my dog before the argument started.***EDIT*** AGAIN MY BOYFRIEND DID NOT GET PHYSICAL WITH ME HE'S NEVER HURT ME BEFORE AND NEVER WOULD!! Another thing I would like to add is that the argument was about our dog who bit someone who came into our yard without permission. And no one was home. My boyfriend wants to get rid of the dog and I said she did what she was supposed to do. I get I'm TA in this but I am a SAHM with very little income and moving out isn't really something I can afford right now. Moving in with my mom is not an option because my aunt who lives there had spit in my face on multiple occasions so I wouldn't take my kids to my moms My boyfriend works alot so I'm usually taking care of the household duties and our kids. | AITA for refusing to move out of my home after a verbal eviction? | YTA |
10zzqth | So, my friends and I recently took a trip up to the mountain. We all agreed to split the cost of gas and food etc (4 ways including myself and partner), but when it came to the cost of snow chains, two of my friends said they didn't think they should have to pay. I argued that the chains were a necessary item for driving on snowy roads and were considered an expense for the trip, just like gas and food.The got a ride up with us, but decided last minute not to ride down with us, where we needed to use the chains. They even made sure to ask me several times to buy chains.My friends still refused to pay and said that I was being unreasonable and “outrageous”. Their reasoning is that it’s more akin to the cost of the car and since I’ll likely use them again in the future that it’s a cost for me. I asked for around $60 and instead the only paid me $20 each for gas. Now I'm feeling unsure and wondering if I'm the one in the wrong here. AITA for expecting my friends to pitch in for the cost of snow chains? | AITA for expecting my friends to pitch in for the cost of snow chains on a recent trip to the mountain? | YTA |
11089cd | There’s a lot of backstory here, so please stick w/ me! I (F20) started dating my current partner (M22) 2 years ago. A few months into our relationship, one of his closest friends (M22, Trent) started going on dates with one of my closet friends (F20, Toni.) At some point, my partner said something to his friends along the line of “I have the cutest girlfriend!” to which Trent said, “You know that isn’t true” + then proceeded to say I was less attractive than all of my friends, but he thought my best friend (F20, Keerstin) was more attractive than all of us (even tho he was dating Toni.)Trent also sent TikToks to my partner about how my partner likes fat woman- which, I am. Just another small instance that made me feel bad about myself. I’ve always compared myself to my friends. I’m plus sized and they aren’t. I know that I’m not attractive and I don’t expect anyone to think I am- but that doesn’t make it hurt less. Knowing other people compare us just as much as I do was a hard blow. Trent was made aware that I knew about these comments and never apologized. Since then, while his comments stuck with me and I never particularly liked him, I’ve stayed very polite.Keerstin and I went to see a movie last month and she asked me if I would mind if she started having a strictly sexual relationship with Trent. I said no bc it wasn’t my business who she had sex with,+ it’s been a year and a half, + he lives 2 hours away, so I figured it would be a when-he’s-in-town thing. Since then he’s come to visit three times (despite rarely coming to visit before) + she has gone to visit once, even driving four hours away to see a concert, staying entire weekends at a time. They aren’t just casually hooking up- they’re dating. After she asked me, I started thinking about what he had said all that time ago. I started feeling bad about my body + face again. I started hating when people would look at me. I know this is because of my own insecurities but it resulted in my partner having a conversation with Trent and asking him to apologize. My partner didn’t tell me that this conversation happened until yesterday. Trent was asked to apologize a month ago- + I have not heard a word. This just solidifies the kind of person I thought he was. And I’m so upset that anyone can say whatever they want about me and my best friend of eight years still wants to go on dates with this person. I don’t expect anyone to stop being friends with Trent or to yell at him for me- but my best friend? Who didn’t even know him before? We made a deal to never talk about what they do together + while that helps me not think about it, it makes me sad that there’s a whole part of her life I can’t know about. I also don’t think its morally right or my place to dictate who she sees + the damage of her not caring is already done. Would I be the asshole if I told her I was uncomfortable with their relationship after I already said it was fine?EDIT:Hi! Thank you everyone for your comments. To clarify, Toni and Trent stopped talking after a few months. Both Toni and Keerstin were made aware of his comments. I remember Toni crying because he had said Keerstin was more attractive than she was, too. Surprisingly, they continued talking even after that- only breaking things off after she lost interest.I’d like to say that I don’t think Trent is evil. I’ve said hurtful things about other people’s appearances. Since this all happened, I’ve said hurtful things about HIS appearance out of spite. I just wish he would apologize so that I can let go. I really am struggling letting go. So, based on comments I’m thinking I’m NTA now but I WBTA if I made a big deal about this to Keerstin? Or expected her to break up with him after having a conversation with her? Keep in mind, she had asked my consent and I had previously said yes, like a dumbass. I don’t want her to stop pursuing her own happiness for me- but I just wish Trent hadn’t gotten what he wanted from her. | WIBTA If I Asked My Friend To Stop Seeing Someone | YWBTA |
11057l9 | I (21F) got injured back in October '22 by stepping off a bus wrong, and breaking my foot from such. I was in recovery for four months because of what I broke, and recently returned to work(as in, have only worked two shifts so far). Before returning to work, my mom (60F) started asking me if I'd take the bus to work. I currently rely on others driving me around because of my anxiety + autism making it hard for me to learn how to drive. I don't go out much, so I only rely on my parents for work, any doc appointments, and groceries, which I go at the same time as them to make it easier on everyone. I'll pick back up learning how to drive once I'm a bit more recovered.Since I got back on the schedule, my mom has been asking me again and again when I would start riding the bus, but whenever I think of riding the bus again I get an anxiety attack. If it weren't for my injury being my foot, I would definitely walk to work since it's within 2 miles of me, but I still have a slight limp that becomes more prominent the more I walk. My work needs me on my feet, so the less I'm on my feet before work, the better. I completely understand that it's an inconvenience sometimes, but because of how short the drive is(a straight 5 minute drive), I thought it wouldn't be a large issue, as they drove me half the time before my injury. Mom currently works from home, and often leaves the house during her work day to do other things.But everytime I mention that I will need a ride, she asks me if I can just take the bus, and gets angry and yells at me when I say I can't yet. I've told her I'll eventually be able to ride the bus again, but not yet. I think I should be able to ride the bus when needed within the next couple months, hopefully. But I feel guilty every time I have to ask for a ride. AITA? | AITA for not wanting to take the bus yet? | NAH |
1102h3e | (For privacy reasons I'll call my sister Tracy)Tonight my sister (24F) and I (17NB) were in the bathroom and she asked me to hand her my cat, I questioned why and she just asked again, I stared at her and she came over to take Oreo from my arms (Oreo doesn't really like Tracy, only goes over to her when I'm not home and she needs company), Oreo squirms to try and run away before Tracy can pick her up.My sister ends up holding her and grabs a finished toilet paper roll (the cardboard roll part) and I questioned what she was doing before I saw her put the roll on Oreo's tail which, obviously, made her uncomfortable, so I tried to reach over to take the roll out saying "Take that off. She doesn't like that. It's uncomfortable!" And my sister said "Wait no! Let me put her on the ground to see how she walks" and put her on the ground chuckling at how Oreo walked with the roll there.I went after Oreo to take it off but she flicked it away before I could help and ran downstairs, my sister got annoyed and then said "Oh c'mon...stop it! It's not that serious". Something she's been using a lot for practically anything I try to say she did that annoyed, hurt or pissed me off.Part of me thinks she's unaware that not everyone has the same definition of "a big deal" as she does.But it's made me wonder if I'm the one taking things too seriously and I turn "ruining the fun" or "Being an asshole" or if she's in fact doing stuff that can be considered a big deal or problematic.So AITA for not wanting my sister to make my cat uncomfortable for her entertainment? | AITA for not wanting my sister annoying my cat? | NTA |
10zzeb8 | Edit3: I feel the need to put this up here, bc seems like not everyone is actually reading my question. My intention was NEVER to push the waitress/tell her how she should do HER job. I was only worried that she had to wait for my friends while they were chatting to one another and ignoring her. Still, I have understood why I'm the AH. It's the fact that what I said came out really rude, and it's like I'm ordering her to do sth when it's her job. Kudos to all the people who gave me advice on what to do/say next time. Anyway, thanks a lot people!​So yesterday while going out to eat, I casually told a waitress "Oh we're done ordering, you should get going now before it's too late" bc I thought it was late and the restaurant was about to close, and my friends were chatting off topic and making her wait. The waitress was confused and she asked me to say it again because "woa you talked a lil too fast, mind saying it more slowly?". She looked at me and smiled softly so I genuinely thought that she didn't catch that. And before I could even explain it to her, my friends yelled at me for being rude. They were all very serious looking, except for my best friend. Bc my best friend is literally the most polite person on Earth, and so I asked her if I was rude, she said "No, and I don't think the waitress think so either".I don't want to be rude to anyone, especially those who worked their ass off in the service industry. So, me being a decent person, please tell me if I was the asshole for saying so. If you have any other way to say what I wanted to say, how would you say so?Edit: To clarify a few things, my friends wanted to order sth extra when we were almost done with our meal, so no we didn't just barge into a restaurant that was about to close. Also, my friend was chatting off with one another, not with the waitress, so I didn't want her to wait, not that I wanted to tell her how to do her job. Yes, she did tell us earlier that the restaurant was about to close.Also, I would very much appreciate it if you guys can also suggest me some other sentences to express what I wanted to say bc I'm not very good with words. I only chat with close friends so I'm afraid that's why it came off really rude when I talk to others. Thanks guys!!Edit2: It really concerns me bc many of you come at me and tell me that I can't tell how the waitress should perform her job. The thing is I'm not trying to do anything like that. I respect people and would never want to disrespect anyone for no good reason, so why would I want to do that for a worker who was about to end her shift? I'm quite sad that there were only a few people who give me suggestions on what to say or do when in the situation :(( | AITA for telling a waitress to "hurry up"? | YTA |
11051ad | I (21F) am a performer. In December 2021, I decided to become a drag king after meeting my mentor at a show. I wanted to come up with a fun stage name with word play that people would find entertaining. I came up with the name Ike Cometarson because it sounds like "I commit arson." I made an Instagram account to document my performances, and my family managed to find it. They do not approve of my drag. However, I know I can not please them. Regardless, I am an adult, and they don't have to like everything I choose to do. My brother (23M) followed my account in December. I finally debuted Ike 2 weeks ago at a local show, which was successful. I had so much fun getting to perform with all of my friends. Here's where the problem begins.2 days ago, my mother messaged me. The exchange went as follows:Mom: Brother is upset you are using his name/nickname for your drag name. Should I have him give you a call?I was shocked. I realize Ike was a childhood nickname for my brother. However, I completely was not thinking of him when it came to naming my character. I did not mean malicious intent. I thought about it and replied.OP: I mean, I guess so. Not trying to offend him, just word play. Ike Cometarson=I Commit ArsonMom: Ike has been his call name for sports, email address, etc for yearsOP: I know, wasn't my intent and didn't even really think of that when picking it. Just wanted a name that sounded close to the joke. Can you ask him to call?I know my response was not the most mature. I can't help but feel so conflicted with this. On one hand, I know what my intentions are and know that I'm not trying to steal names from people. On the other, I feel like an asshole. My friends say I'm not the asshole, but I need more perspective. | AITA for not changing my stage name for my brother? | YTA |
11049ho | I (16F) live with my mom. My mom made the announcement this morning that she doesn't want either me or my sister to be cooking, as we have a lot of leftovers from the week, and we should be using up those. I've been in the basement for most of the day (my room is down here) and really just trying to relax. A few hours ago, I got hungry, so I went upstairs to get some food. Most of the leftovers were gone and the only thing left was brown rice. I asked my mom if i could make some chicken and potatoes for dinner as I already had rice for lunch and didn't want to have it again. She protested, saying that we had to finish the rice, but I told her that she was being unreasonable. She said if i really wanted to I could heat up some chicken nuggets for dinner but no potatoes. I asked why cuz just chicken nuggets weren't that great of a meal by themselves. She started to scream at me that I was being stupid and if I was hungry to just make some stir fry with the extra rice. I told her she wasn't listening to me and that i didn't have a recipe for stir fry and didn't want to have rice anyway. She told me that that was "too bad."I felt myself starting to overstimulate and my heart started racing. As discretely as I could, I went to my room, grabbed my phone, earbuds, computer, and a book and closed the door. I felt like I was losing control of my body and I was crying uncontrollably. I put in my earbuds, picked the playlist i compiled for this specific purpose, turned off the lights, and went underneath my blanket with my hands over my eyes and music at full volume.Whenever stuff like this happens, it is so unpredictable that I don't know how long it will be before I am able to even leave the room, which is why I grabbed my computer and a book. Anyway, I stayed like that for about 5 minutes (2 songs to be exact) before my mom barged in. In my panic I forgot to lock my door. She took one look at me, sighed, and told me to feed the dogs. I told her I needed 15 minutes and she left with while rolling her eyes. I stayed for 4 songs before going up and feeding the dogs. I noticed she was indeed making stir fry.Quick side note: when I have these episodes, I sometimes forget to breathe and have to make a conscious effort to keep air flowing. Once I start to calm down, I can start to focus on the other parts of my body.I went upstairs to feed the dogs. Afterwards I went back to my room and locked the door It's been three hours since then and no one has come in or out of my room. I'm still sitting in the dark, but I don't need the music any longer and I'm starting to get hungry again so that's a good sign that this what I call "episode" is almost over.I'm wondering if I completely threw the entire situation out of proportion and I'm an AH or I'm just trying to take care of myself the only way I know how to. | AITA for hiding in my room | NTA |
110577c | Myself and SO of 7 years had our car start shaking while parked and wouldn’t accelerate about a week ago we took it into mechanics they diagnosed the issue and fixed the problem, In doing so they suggested we fix some other problems with our car (I.e they said we had some oil leaks etc and that it would be about 5 gs to get fixed) MIL who had given us a ride to the mechanic decided to take it upon herself to pay for the initial repairs we brought it in for, while appreciated and very thankful let me stress that we did not ask for this aid, upon the mechanics informing us of the further problems and pricing of repairs MIL took control of the situation telling them no but we would get a second opinion (an idea I was fond of ) she suggested we take it to the family mechanic (even better) we took the car to him on he gave it and oil change and said that in doing so it would take care of the leaks (how this works I’m unsure 🫤 ) when myself and MIL picked up the car the “family mechanic “ informed us the “a/c compressor was about to go out and we were lucky he caught it because he just ordered the part and could have it the first of the week “At this point I have a few questions but I shrug them off because hey might as well get things fixed, however he tells us that he will HAVE to do it the first of the week and that he is already doing us a favor because he’s understaffed, I say in that exact moment to both the mechanic and my MIL “No, thank you but that won’t work my SO has school in the morning and I have work we will have to find a better day “ MIL says something along the lines of “well figure it out” and we leave, today while my SO was at work my MIL texts me telling me that we will be taking it to the family mechanic on the first of the week, I didn’t respond and sent a pic of the message to my SO.They weren’t happy and called my MIL to explain we wouldn’t be doing it that day they further argued till MIL hung up. Edit 1:we never said we wouldn’t do the repair and just said the day didn’t work for us | AITA for not listening to my MIL? | NTA |
110b1pn | I 22F used my boyfriend's car with permission while he is away traveling and accidentally scraped the side of it on a low wall.I am a student and need a car sometimes and I'm grateful he lets me use his.I took it to a shop which would do a good job and got a quote, and my mom is willing to lend me some money to fix it. I could get the car fixed before my boyfriend comes back.I am considering not telling him about the incident as a couple of months ago I backed into a bollard and he was very angry with me about it even though I paid to fix it.I am scared he will react badly and not be understanding like last time. I am careful and I'm not a bad driver and this isn't something that happens often.The car is a couple of years old and it is not an expensive one.WIBTA if I never told him and he never asked? | WIBTA for not telling my boyfriend I crashed his car if I fixed it before he knew about it. | YTA |
110393t | Information is intentionally kept vague but feel free to ask clarifying questions.For context: my parents are divorced, and my father has been married twice since they split. In February 2020, his now-third wife moved to the East Coast (my family and I have lived on the West Coast my whole life) and my dad decided he was going to follow her there. By March, just before the pandemic hit, my dad had moved across the country. I turned 18 and graduated in the months following.Now, my father and I have never gotten along well, so we're a bit avoidant/emotionally detached when we spend a prolonged amount of time together. But he is my dad, and I think he does his best to support me from afar. The problem arises when he expects my younger sibling and I to visit him twice a year for extended periods of time– 1-2 weeks every 6 months– while he visits our home state maybe once a year for a weekend if we're lucky. He has an extremely flexible work schedule (he calls himself "functionally retired") and his wife, who also has family in my home town, works remotely; time off is not a problem for them.I'm a student, and most of my friends are away for college, including my boyfriend who is abroad. I only get to see them during school breaks, like Summer and Winter holidays, so I like to have those free. The problem is, this is also the only time I'm able to see my dad.I'm grateful for my dad always paying for our trips to see him, but despite living comfortably, he always picks the cheapest flights available– think Spirit or JetBlue. He is also not the most punctual and has dropped us off at the airport late multiple times. Traveling stresses me out on its own, and I have had numerous issues at the airport he flies us in and out of, such as my ID not scanning or my carry-on sized bag getting forcibly checked.Since the last time I saw him in June 2022, I've been using all of the above reasons as excuses not to visit the East Coast again. I honestly have no plans to visit in the foreseeable future, but each time I deny an offer to see him, he makes me feel guilty, joking that he won't be around for much longer, that his state of residence is so much better than the one I grew up in, or that I never make time for him anymore/prefer my friends/boyfriend.In my eyes, he is the one who moved away, so seeing his kids is his responsibility. He should be the one putting effort into travel, especially knowing the issues my sibling and I have run into and how much flying stresses me out. Despite my convictions on the subject, I can't help but feel like I'm abandoning him in some way.TL;DR: My dad moved across the country and expects my sibling and I to visit him while he doesn't make the same effort to visit us. I have started brushing off his questions of when I am going to visit.AITA? | AITA for not wanting to visit my dad? | NTA |
10zzmpg | My (F32) and fiancé (M33) just had a row that resulted in me pouring his last beer down the sink. We were supposed to go out this evening for beer/ cocktails and dancing. However I have been very poorly this past few days and not really out of bed, I am on the mend now but still not enough energy to go out socialising. We have two sons, the baby is currently under review with the DOctor on call as he ate a daffodil today (please don’t ask- different story) and he poisoned himself so that was the nail in the coffin I was DEF in no form for going anywhere. Of course my OH doesn’t understand this and was in a-bit of a sulk. Usually our bedtime routine is the same with OH bathing and settling the baby whilst I do washing and make bottles prep for the night feeds, etc. only tonight my OH was mad keen to go get takeaway food for us & logs for the fire. I was like yeah that’s ok work away, I’ll take over here and proceeded to complete the bedtime routine on my own. An hour later still no food no logs and no word of my man. Then a text comes in shortly after ‘I’m going for one pint’ with a mate who lives 30 miles away who was passing through. I ask how long he will be as our oldest is ‘starving’Reply: “15 mins it’s only one pint’ Note there is a history of this BS I’m only going for few pints then home losses out of his brain 6 hours later.Anyway, he comes home and I have a conversation about drinking and driving and how irresponsible it is. He fucks me off asking am I a policewoman and leaves the room telling me I’m blowing it out of proportion again, etc.His drinking & behaviour/ actions while drinking has caused us to split in the past but I genuinely think he does want to do better. But it only ever lasts so long. I’m so sick of it so I got his last beer out of the fridge, and I poured it down the sink. And he is raging! I must also say I opened th door and told him to watch as I done it. That I wasn’t going to sit back any longer and watch his drinking ruin our family life. So AITA? | AITA for pouring his last beer down the sink? | NTA |
110cnws | I am an equipment operator at a workplace that manages a huge property from groundskeeping to maintenance work. We all do shifts driving the garbage truck on a weekly rotational schedule. It was my week driving last week and there is a stop at one of the workshops that always has the dumpster blocked by contractors vans. I drove by and checked on it on Monday and Tuesday and there were cars blocking the loading bay on both days. I opted not to pick up the garbage instead of dragging 500lbs of industrial trash 100 yards. I went on Wednesday morning first thing and there were vehicles blocking the loading bay. Completed every other stop on my route and went to the shop to fill up on DEF before lunch. When I arrived at the shop one of my managers was there with a pick up with all of the garbage from the stop I had "skipped" in the back of the truck. He took the time to yell at me and call me and my partner lazy unintelligent and incompetent before driving off. This manager and I usually get along pretty well... We have similar work ethics and backgrounds. The way he screamed at us did not sit right with me so during lunch I approached him at his table and said verbatim : "whatever point you try to make while screaming at me is lost regardless of the validity of your statement I expect an apology. Do not talk to me like that again " he backtracked and apologised pretty sincerely. I completed the day with no complications. Fast forward to Thursday morning and a lot of the guys on crew are saying that I shouldn't have been insubordinate/embarrassed him publicly and should have went to hr or the union to handle it properly. Thing is I know this manager is in hot water for being a hardass (with good reason most of the guys on the job need a firm hand) and I figured instead of complicating things with HR and other unnecessary bs I would go to the man himself to sort out the issues. I should note that I have a perfect record with the company and the garbage was nowhere near at the capacity of their garbage room at the time he went to pick it up. It would have been done by the end of the week without fail. AITA for sorting it out with him man to man instead of following "proper" channels ? No problems between the manager and myself so far but it is causing a lot of contention amongst the guys ( part of me feels like they are a bit mad that I didn't run to the boss like they would have and am receiving flak as a result)Edit: to clarify though it was a public place the conversation was discreet, people found out about our second interaction through him telling them. | AITA for handling a workplace conflict one on one | NTA |
110585s | I (23F) have a roommate (23M) who I have gotten fed up with. He has never had to take care of his own living space before and it shows. For context, I have lived in the unit I currently live in for 2 years now, a year before my roommate moved in. He was OK in the beginning, but has now become lazy and disrespectful towards my things. As I have lived in the unit longer than him, the ENTIRE apartment (besides his room) is furnished by me. That includes the couches, kitchen table, TV, microwave, pots, pans, baking sheets, utensils, bowls and plates, shower curtain, wifi router and modem, I even upgraded the shower head ... you get the idea. I am also the only one who buys cleaning supplies and does the cleaning.He began to make things in one of the pots, and putting the entire pot with food still in it in the fridge. He stopped cleaning off his dirty dishes, even though we have a dishwasher. Then, he would keep a baking sheet in the oven and just reuse it over and over to the point I had to throw it out because of all the baked on grease and food residue. The last straw was when he left literal shit on the toilet seat. I told him I cannot continue our current living situation and because I have lived here longer and I furnished the entire apartment, come next lease agreement he should leave. He then went behind my back to get a new lease agreement sheet from our company where he signed his name on the "resign" line (which we both have so sign under "resign" or "no resign" and hand it in). My apartment complex has told me they will have available unites in our building/complex come next lease term, so he does not need to completely move across town if he does not want to - and I told him such. We have to let our apartment landlords know by March 1 if we are resigning or not. So, WIBTA if I banned my roommate from using anything that is mine? He did not contribute to the buying of any of it and, if he refuses to leave or respect my things, I do not want him to continue to use them. | WIBTA if I banned my roommate from using the apartment furnishings? | NTA |
10zyynv | We've been together for almost 7 years and we moved in together almost 3 years ago. We have a now 9 month old son and only been to his parents house maybe 3-4 times since he was born. Some background, When we decided to move in together his dad made it clear that he wasn't fond of me. He helped my bf move his things into our apartment and coincidentally wore a shirt that says "i dont get paid enough to like you". My mom and I both noticed the shirt but made nothing of it since we know he isn't my biggest fan lol. Ever since we moved in together I stopped going over to his parents house on the weekends. He would still go and visit his parents every Saturday and I would occasionally go whenever they had birthdays or on the holidays. His dad would "mistakenly" call me by his other DIL name and laugh and say he always gets us confused? Even though she lived with them. Our names aren't even similar so i would laugh it off and ask how he could confuse us when she lived with them (He did this every time i went over). When i became pregnant i made it clear to my bf that I would be the only one taking care of our son (his mom always takes care of his 2 nephews and niece) and that no one will babysit for us until our son is able to talk. That included my parents and any other family members. When we planned our baby shower we also asked his mom& 2 sisters to help us set up the day of and they agreed. The day of they didnt show up until after my baby shower started, we called them at 8am, 11am & both times they said they were on their way. They had to bring the center pieces for each table and some goodies that we had left at their house. Everytime I bake something or take fruit over his parents and sisters don't touch it until my bf tells them to try it. I am still breastfeeding so his mom gave me a formula holder so i can leave him there? She has given us used clothes( i dont mind) BUT they are either faded or have holes. I jokenly told her infront of my bf that we will gladly take used clothes but to not send clothes that not even goodwill will sell. Idk why i even try to be liked anymore. If they don't like me why should i take our son over to visit. Oh i forgot to mention we live 12-15mins away and they are welcomed to come over anytime to visit their grandson. But his mom told him that she doesn't like going over to other peoples homes. So AITAH for not taking our son to his parents house? | AITAH for not taking my son to his grandparents house (boyfriends parents)? | NTA |
110g863 | I(37F) moved approx. 6 hours away from where all my family lives about 4 years ago when I got married. Since I moved, I have ensured we visit every few months. When we do, we stay at my parent’s house (needed for context later).Since meeting my wife, I’ve stated taking my health more seriously (I have MS). So, I live a g/f, dairy free life. I don’t eat red meat and only on a rare occasion will I consume pork. My wife, having hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), follows the same diet plan. My WHOLE family is aware!My family was gathering for vacation, and before gathering there was never a discussed plan about food. Honestly, I assumed we would eat out. Upon arriving to the location, my sister informed me that my parents, had gone to the store to get “enough food to cook for everyone for the next two days” with the first meal being burgers. When my mom arrived home with groceries, I realized it was 100% beef. After talking it over with my wife, we figured, we would be okay to eat it since, it’s not an often thing. We ate bunless burgers and initially felt okay. Overnight, that was not the case. Lots of cramping, bowel movements and internal discomfort. Plenty of shots of pepto were taken the following morning and day.The next day, when I realize that for dinner, my mother planned to make pulled beef sliders, I pulled her aside and said “We can’t do the beef again. Our stomachs have been killing us. I’m gonna grab some fish from the store and salad for us.“.You would have thought is spit in her face. After I cooked, and my wife and I were eating, my sister and I peeped that my mom was incredibly distant and making snide remarks like “I can’t keep up with all these changes.” And “I hope the rest of y’all can try and enjoy what I made”. I wasn’t trying to hurt her feelings, I just wanted to not feel like crap. So, AITA? | AITA for not eating the food my mother cooked? | NTA |
10zzu0v | I have worked and been the main person that does housework, cooking and looking after our children in the house. He used to mention regularly that something needs doing eg the washing up or the kids bedroom. However, because I would always get irritated because he doesn’t do as much as me domestically, he stopped mentioning things as much. These occurrences would either be a mini lecture, a sly dig that it’s a pig sty, or ‘a joke’ that only he finds funny! So tonight he made ‘a joke’ that when we move house, he hopes there’s not going to be as much washing everywhere! I rolled my eyes and said ‘when we move, I hope he doesn’t talk as much’. Which he didn’t appreciate and said all he’s just stating is facts! I went on to ask him if he sees what I do in the day, and that the amount of washing is constant which I don’t always have time to put away. I then tried to leave the convo as it wasn’t productive…he carried on stating his facts so I told him to read the room and stop before it turns into a bicker…..his response, was a barrage of why I get emotional, how he doesn’t know why I’m so sensitive about cleaning, why I get so angry, defensive, he can’t talk to me about things that are important to him and him not understanding my behaviours, because when it comes down to it, I should be considerate that I live with someone who likes a tidy house. I should also be happy as he knows for a FACT that he does more than most men. Can I just add that I have come home from work and dinner has not been cooked, so have been in the kitchen cooking for my family in my uniform, on many occasions….I never have a go or nag when roles are reversed! Anyway, thought I’d just ask AITA?! 🤷🏽♀️ | AITA for getting annoyed when hubby mentions house work needs doing?! | NTA |
110g30o | My husband (Nico) has a best friend from middle school (Allen) who I've known as long as I've known my husband which is basically going on 11years now. We started as friends dated for 5 years been married for 2. Allen is my age but acts alot more like a frat boy. My husband is also alot silly especially when with his friends but he's definitely the dad in the group. And has issues saying no.Since I've gotten pregnant it's been a very difficult pregnancy with me in alot of pain and alot less patience. Nico hasn't been going out as much which i appreciate but Allen takes advantage alot.Like this week how we were at a family bday dinner for my aunt and Allen went to a different town over the weekend. He didn't plan on how he was coming back home even tho he had a car the whole weekend but decided to stay an extra day missing work.To call Nico at 8pm asking him to come fetch him which was an hour's drive away and we were having misty and heavily rainy weather. So i got pissed and said NO.I told him A is 29! It's a terrible idea driving in this weather into the mountains at night during a power outage no less. I told him idc how Allen gets home he should've made a plan. He's grown! To which my husband agreed and didn't go fetch him which Allen was pissed about. Yesterday he tld me he had made plans with Allen to go see a game tomorrow so he wnt be around for alot of tomorrow because of it. I said cool I'm visit my family then. Nico calls me from work saying he wanted to go out with A. told him it's fine bt i wont see him tomorrow really so he shldnt be too late i wanted to spend some time with him. He said he wont be and i jokingly said Allen needs to learn he can't monopolize all your weekend free time.My aunt having heard this while i was visiting her today has the running joke in my family being that i should make place in our bed for Allen because he's basically a 3rd in our marriage asked if they were gonna go out again. I just said yes. And my aunt kinda just said i shldnt let Allen come between my husband and I with his bullshit.Which i think my husband might have heard because he just said bye after and dropped the call.My family has heard many a instances of their recklessness even from both of them that they thought were just unbecoming or worrysome. Trouble rn is Nico went out with Allen and a bunch of friends showed up at my aunts and looked very grumpy. Telling me he's gona go drop a friend and come bk to fetch me. My aunt made a comment when she saw Allen saying "oh the bf is here again" which my husband didnt look very happy about. Then came bk in with Allen in tow and said no he's gonna let Allen take the friend home and we can go. I got my things and when i got outside Allen was asking me wtf i said to Nico that made him change his mind and i said i said nothing and he huffed off. We got into the car in silence and my husband went straight to the room and slept. Am i being irrationally emotional? | AITA (28F) for being fed up with my husband's (31M)bestfriend? | NAH |
10zuxpc | For a little context. My father passed away some years ago, and I inherited the house. My parents weren't married and me and my husband didn't wanna kick her out of her own home, and there's space enough, so she lives with us.Now for the potial AH part.My mom and my husband often have spats, and a lot of these could easily have been avoided honestly, as they both often misunderstand each other. Regardless, whenever any of these spats happen, he goes straight to me and bombards me with "this is why I don't like your mom!" And demands I go talk with her and make her apologise, not caring why she said what she did - even if I tell him he misunderstood, or that he had it coming for whatever reason. And I'm SICK of it. It feels like he wants me to be his mommy and tell off another kid at school.Today I told him no more. I'm DONE being the mediator between the two. He always directs his anger towards me and gets angry if I don't 100% agree with him. "I'm your husband, you should agree with me".He of course got angry and said something to the effects of "why can't you just do this for me?" And I simply told him, that it wasn't my fight and that I refuse to be in the middle of it anymore.My mother never expects me to be the go-between and doesn't understand why he doesn't go straight to her either. In fact she often bites her tongue with him and when she can't she always apologises to me after, because she know I have to deal with it.So AITA? | AITA for refusing to be the mediator anymore? | NTA |
110fykd | Context: I (21F lesbian) plan to marry my fiance (20 Nonbinary) in about a year or so. My sister would be overjoyed to attend this wedding, but I'm not entirely comfortable inviting her. Me and my partner are both in the LGBT community, and my sister assures us over & over how much she supports us / the community, and that she has "no problem with gay people, my best friend is gay!" but she has made multiple comments over the years that make me question how far that support goes. Examples:Once, she told me how "absolutely mortified" she would be if her son turned out gay, and she gets extremely annoyed at any insinuation that he could be. She even forbade him from wearing earrings because she thinks it would make him look gay. Her oldest son often says: "I don't think she hates LGBT people, but she REALLY doesn't want me or my brother to end up gay" which I found super uncomfortable. Once, she ranted about Stranger Things, and how she hates that gay characters are "Shoved in her face" by Hollywood all the time, and that it really gets under her skin. She also openly supports Florida's 'Don't Say Gay Bill'. I asked her to elaborate on that, and she struggled to respond. Basically saying that "Sexuality stuff just isn't for kids to hear about" this really hurt me, because I was a gay 5th grader who could have really benefited from that education about myself, especially because other kids were telling me I'd burn in hell! I don't think kids should be learning about gay sex or anything crazy, but maybe just "Sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls" would suffice, but she still disagreed. Once, we watched a true crime episode about a trans woman who was brutally beaten, murdered, and mutilated for lying to a hookup about her genitals. My sister's first comment? "Well, you shouldn't really lie about stuff like that. I wouldn't want to sleep with someone that has a vag." She's usually very empathetic, emotional, and invested in true crime which made this comment insanely out of character for her. Even her daughter was surprised. She later expressed how bad she felt for the victim, but it was so odd that her first comment was defending the killer! Once, I was venting to her about how our grandma was homophobic and didn't support me. My sister's response? "well, the Bible does say being gay is a sin, but it's not okay for her to say that. When we die, we all have to answer for our sins, but that's God's job not hers" which sounds supportive, but my sister basically admitted that she believes my existence is a sin that i'll have to answer for when I die. This made me extremely uncomfortable. There's about 500 more of these comments, some worse, but I'm sparing you all the text space. I know my sister would love to come to the wedding, she would cherish the memories for years. I know that by not inviting her it will create conflict between us, which is why I'm torn. On one hand, the things she's said about people like me and my partner are disconcerting, but on the other hand, should she really be deprived of her siblings' wedding? Am I the asshole if I chose not to invite her? | AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding? | NTA |
110ftad | I (18 turning 19y female) am currently studying a degree in university, its a 3 year course and im doing full time. It’s been my dream for years to study in this course and naturally I enjoy it very much. I live with my parents and they’ve been really supportive with my uni, I do love them very much. Last year, during the mid semester break, my parents wanted to go overseas (to visit) since all of my family lives there and we hadn’t gotten to visit them due to covid and such. And it was a very exciting idea as I hadn’t seen my cousins in about 4 years and we got the plane tickets and such. So far so goodWe arrived and was greeted at the airport and such and went to my grandma’s house (mother’s side) because thats where we stay everytime we go overseas. We had a good time - we stayed overseas for about a month and saw everyone and even got to travel more this time around - but when it was time to go back - me and my sister at least - my dad had to go back earlier than us due to his job and my mum wanted to stay a bit more since its her parents and siblings and she wanted to spend more time - my little brother also stayed with her since he is too young for me or my sis (16y) to take care of with our schools going on - so once it was time for me and my sister to go back, my mum started to cry and say things like “u can stay with me, we can start a new life here, there’s nothing for us in that country (the one we live in)” - also she’s been wanting to move back overseas for years and i dont blame her, its her family after all, and its not easy to travel back and forth between countries since its like a 20 hour flight (with in between stop of course but yea, not easy) and expensive.Me and my sis felt that we couldnt just move back since the education overseas compared to the country we live in is more harder and we’ve both forgotten the language a bit and would never survive in the schools there, and besides; the course i currently study in doesnt exist overseas and if it does, its not in the better uni’s (which means i’d have a very hard time finding a job and continuing to live with what i’d be earning) + i already have a life and friends (and its not easy for me to make friends)I felt really bad (still do) but i came back to the country we live in (my mum chose not to use her return ticket and my brother is naturally upset - poor him) and told my mum that i would move to overseas after i am done with my uni (its only 3 years as i said and i already finished the first year) and after a bit of convincing she reluctantly agreed and said she respects my decision However, she still continues making little comments here and there, and i understand that she does it because she misses us and i miss them too but i also wanna finish my studies So AITA for not staying with her and wanting to pursue my dream? | AITA for not moving overseas with my mum? | NTA |
1102gjj | So it all begins with my father, I always get my brother when my father asks to pick him up unless I have plans or something then he has to, I don't really remember how the conversation started but we were talking about gas prices and how insane they are, well he decided to add "by the way if taking your brother around to work starts getting to expensive just start asking him for gas money"I was kinda taken aback from this statement and kinda laughed it off at first, but he wasn't laughing. So I said "are you crazy? if anything I should be asking you for gas money since your the one who always asks me to pick him up" I was a bit harsh in my tone but the statement still rings trueWe then proceeded to argue who owes who money, to which he said he needs to learn the value of money, which I find bogus cause he never charged me money when I needed a ride to work.My step mother is siding with my father saying that even if I was right it did not mean I had a right to be rude and tell him hes crazy. while my girlfriend and her family agrees that they're being a little to harsh. Am I missing something? Like I feel like he's being a bit of a AH to my brother, but I guess calling him crazy didn't help either. So reddit aita?EditMy brother is 17, and I am 20The distance to his work is about a mile as well | AITA for telling my parents they're crazy for asking me to get gas money from my younger brother? | NTA |
1109oaf | ​About six months ago I've made a new group of friends. Every other week we hang out to drink, go to BBQs, go to the movies, play videogames, etc. None of us is rich, we always split the bills, and we've never had a money problem between ourselves.Sometimes we go out all of us togheter, sometimes it's only a few. For example, once a few of us tried to go to a game, but in the end only I and Tiana (not her real name) got the schedule for it. At the time she was broke, and I didn't want to go alone, so I offered mylself to buy her ticket, and I made sure that she knew that it was a gift and that she didn't have to pay me back; she didn't owed my aything at all. No problem there, we went and had a very good time together.Is noteworthy that I use to give my other friends in the group some gifts aswell: I bought one of them a xmas gift, the other i gifted a birthday cake, and another I gave a birthday gift (it's not usual to do that here, it was the only birthday gift he recieved that day) So, last week we were hanging out after work and we were drinking, and I made a joke about that one time Tiana and I went to a game and she never paid me back the ticket. It wasn't fun, the joke didn't land, but ok, fair game, I was expecting Tiana to play along, to say that it was a gift and that I said to her that she didn't had to pay me anything. Instead, she was furious that I brought that up, and said she would transfer me the money on the spot. I refused to give her my account information and I said to her to chill out, said I was only joking, but she wasn't having none of that; she was really hurt. Tiana somehow managed to transfer me the money and stormed out, barely saying goodbye, and immediately blocked me on all social media. I didn't got to speak to her since.I feel very sorry about what I've said and more so that I've never had the chance to apologize to her. It never crossed my mind that money was this serious of an issue to her, or that I would've hurt her by being jokingly unfair.So, AITA for "charging" my friend for a gift? | AITA for joking about my friend owing me a gift that I gave her? | YTA |
10zwrwx | I (18M) lost my mom in 2016 so im living now with my brother (32) and his wife (34). I’m a full-time high school [HS] student and part-time line cook. I have been using ovens, stoves, etc since i was like 10. Im also an aspiring chef and im going to be taking foods courses after graduation (that I will be paying for). 3 of the 7 courses i take in HS require me to be in the kitchen cooking so I cook often outside of home (work, school, girlfriend’s house, etc). 3 years ago i used to cook with a griddle every morning. I would use the griddle to make breakfast every weekday. Roughly 3 times in the span of a year i forgot to unplug the griddle, one of those times leaving it on. Because of this i had to ask to use any appliance other than the microwave (that includes toaster, air fryer, stove-top, water kettle). Since this i have not used said griddle or left any burner, oven, air fryer, etc on or plugged in. This somewhat made sense when i A. Didnt have a job that required me out of the house until 11pm and B. Didnt have friends to hang out with until 11-12-ish. Its been 3 years. I as well as my brother and his wife have in person jobs. Bro and his wife go to bed at roughly 9-10. I am not very loud and do not wake them up often if at all. Because of my work schedule, the only times i can cook/shower are at night. To cook, i have to use an appliance. To use an appliance i have to ask. I cannot ask if they are asleep. I Also cannot cook if they are going to sleep; again noise is not the issue. Just today i was told that they were going to a super-bowl party for the weekend and will be gone for two days. Usually this means i would have to sleep at wife’s mother’s house however, this time I will be able to be alone. (yes, I am also not allowed to be home alone). They have told me that they have purchased cameras and will be watching me while they are gone. This means from now until I move out at the end of the school year (6 months), I will not be able to 1. Cook when i get home from work. 2. Be up passed 12 (again not due to noise). 3. Smoke (I smoke after they sleep, outside so there is no smell). 4. Bring my gf over when they are not home. This does not cover the 11 curfew (not for noise purposes), not being allowed to shower when they are not home, not being able to get a free check up at a doctor’s office without asking, not being able to look for somewhere to live after HS without telling them, not being able to go to work without giving them my schedule, and more! TLDR; line cook leaves griddle on so he now cannot use cooking appliances at home. Guardian purchases a camera because cannot be home alone. Im a legal adult and he is my blood brother yet I am treated as if though i am 12 years old. AITA for wanting to make dinner for myself and relax after work? | AITA for using the stove? | NTA |
110ba88 | My friend of 6 years I used to work with and I have always discussed work together and it helps alleviate a lot of stress.. we have always discussed this topic. At one point she got a boyfriend and stopped working, I stated to her that I know she won’t want to hear about me talking about work anymore and I was okay with that. I’m fine to not talk about work, but she pulled me back in and stated that I could infact keep talking to her it. I just accepted what she said and did that.. would vent from time to time.. over the next year or so there were times where I could tell she maybe didn’t want to hear about it anymore and I mentioned if she didn’t want me to talk about it anymore to her it’s okay, all she has to do is tell me and I’m cool with it. She again assured me and encouraged me to talk to her about work and it’s fine. She’s also mentioned to me recently she wants to work again, so all aroundI’m kind of getting the impression that she’s okay with hearing about this. Just a few nights ago I was venting to her about my work day, I was really stressed because I was wondering if I should leave my work or not. She suddenly snapped on me and told me that she’s not interested in hearing about my work anymore because she finds it ‘tiring and always negative.’ She said a few other things too that had me a bit off kilter, I pointed out that I have mentioned before to her that if she Doesnt want to hear about my work anymore it’s more than fine with me.. I was a little confused because I had always stated that I was cool and okay with that. She stated she does remember me asking if she minds a few times and her feelings have changed, she went on to say she knows I’m just venting but she still Doesnt care and it gives her second hand stress hearing about my work stories, and she knows that if it half stresses her out that it must stress me even more but she still just didn’t care and didn’t want to hear it anymore. She also told me that she doesn’t work anymore and that she’s moved on with her life and therefore she Doesnt want to hear about work anymore and she hopes that one day I can move on too..I have no problem with her not wanting to hear about my work.. the problem I do have is I found her to be very insulting and rude to me. She seemed to act like she had no idea why I was speaking to her in the first place and that it should stop..I began trying to console her feelings and let her know I wasn’t telling her these things about my work because I wanted her to think of me as tiring or negative.. that was never my intention.. I also told her I felt bad and stupid, and also mentioned I wouldn’t have said anything about my work night to her had she told me sooner that she didn’t want to hear it. It felt very weird, and I felt like she snapped on me like an animal would. I don’t feel okay at all.. I feel like I was made to feel bad about myself just for talking to her.. | AITA for talking to a friend about my problems. | NTA |
110el5r | So… my boyfriend is the love of my life. I can’t imagine to be ever without him. He is kind, mostly understanding and would change the whole world for me.I love him so much. Sometimes we talk about physics or other stuff, when I need help in my studies. He is very very smart and a lot smarter than I ever could be. He loves to talk about politics, physics and other stuff that is for me sometimes hard to understand. And also for our friend group.We all were in a call together and the mood was quite low. Many of us were bored because we had nothing to do. My boyfriend decided to break the silence and began to talk about this Reddit post about the immortal snail that hunts you (you are also immortal) and when it touches you, you will die.He was so sweet. He wanted to entertain us and was so excited about that whole thing. So… here it comes. He started reading the Reddit post to us but I couldn’t understand a whole sentence. It was not because of him. It was because I have some issues in understanding English just by hearing. No matter who reads it. It’s because of the different pronunciations and accents every person has (English is not our first language).My huge mistake was that I asked him in front of the group to translate the text because I don’t understand the text if he reads it. (because of the reason I wrote over here)Our friends laughed a lot because I fronted him in that way. I didn’t want to hurt him. I just wanted to participate to the discussion after he read the text. I know why he was mad at me. He was so excited and I ruined the topic for him because of this. And because of that I ruined the whole evening for him too. I am so sorry…. But I didn’t meant it that way.So… Am I the asshole? | AITA for asking my boyfriend to translate instead of reading aloud a text in English? | NTA |
110078s | Hi,So me and my girlfriend are currently doing LDR, going strong, almost 1 year. In 2 months she is coming to visit me in my home city for 2 weeks, and I haven't seen her since mid-January. Her older brother, who lives in a country near me (she lives other side of the world) wants to come to visit her whilst she is in London. I understand, she hasn't seen him since July and due to his work VISA doesn't certainly know when she'd see him again.When she comes, we are going to rent an Airbnb together for the 2 weeks, however now with her brother coming she asked me if I could move out for the 2 nights he's here for, and that after I come back. I was kind of upset, because I thought we could stay the three of us since she hasn't seen me in a few months either and I'm her boyfriend. I suggested we could get a mattress or something for him but she said the Airbnb is only for 2 so she can't risk it. (She reserved it). I felt a bit upset and she said she understands but is frustrated that I can't understand her predicament. We left the conversation kind of cold, because I feel upset I have to move out now but at the same time I suppose I understand. I just wish sometimes she'd prioritise me in front of people, but she told me its not like that. I haven't spoke to her in a little while now since we left the conversation with tension. AITA? Should I be more understanding? | AITA for being reluctant at letting my girlfriend's brother stay in my place? | ESH |
110ebf3 | I (19) was just getting some water from our electric water dispenser, then my mom called my dad, who was on his phone scrolling on Facebook, asked him to help her out with something, I went back to my room after getting my water, then all of a sudden, my dad called me to get out and help both my parents in putting aside the clothes from our clothesline cause it was starting to rain, then complains because I was on my phone and it was so irritating to him, then said a few bad words while my mom chided him to settle down...when he was on his phone for several minutes, he only got this attention when my mom called him to set the clothes aside since it was raining...First of all, how would he know that I'm on my phone at that moment, when I was literally outside getting my water. Second, I didn't even know it was starting to rain or even drizzle, none of us even knew until my mom said it was. Not to be uptight or petty or anything, but like, shouldn't he, be too much assuming that I'm doing something that I'm not even doing at the time? When he clearly was on his phone, cause it's really contradictory to be honest...When I asked dad why did he called me, he was about to say that I shouldn't be on my phone and I have to do some responsibilities around the house, he's acting like that should be my responsibility, when at the time I didn't even know that it was raining till my mom said it was, I immediately respond to him that 'I was literally getting my water, that's why I was outside' and he didn't respond to that, nor even apologize for assuming something that I'm not even doing at the time...Now, I feel uneasy and uncomfortable, of the stress that I just witnessed onto me, because now I'm thinking, did I do something wrong when I wasn't? Should that be my responsibility, when I did not know what was happening? It's not like I have the ability to see the future every second??So, WIBTA that I'm a bit offended by this? Or AITA on this one? Cause it's really stressing me out to the point I feel uncomfortable while typing this-Like it seems like its my fault for not knowing that it was raining, and have put the clothes aside our clothesline, when it wasn't even my fault at that moment? | WIBTA that I got offended when my dad bad mouthed me for no reason for not putting aside the clothes from our clothesline? | ESH |
1102qn2 | So I'm 24, and been living with my mother for all my life. My parents got separated when I was 2 years old, they never got in touch again and made their own lives by their own, but to the eyes of the law they are still married.They have been using me as a messenger for every cocern related to money or any studies expense I might require (since they can't handle talking to each other) like the university grade I made few years ago or any special event that could take place in school when I was a child.I never liked the situation but since it was the way we did it I never complained.This is changing now, I finally signed a contract and Im planning to move to my own place, Ive been looking for it for the last years but things are not too easy in my field of studies. After knowing this, my father told me that he will stop sending my mother the compensatory money required by the contract they signed with their separation. He asked me to tell her about that and about the fact that he needs to get to divorce her in order to stop sending the money.As always I told her, and she asked me to reply my father about some conditions she has for their divorce.I also did that and the negociation begun. After one more interaction by each side I told them that I want them to discuss about it, letting me aside. I don't want to be part of this process it's not my business and it generates me a huge mental stress. Ive been seeing psycologists in these regards since I was 5, lately Im in my best moment related to my mental health and I felt the courage to tell them I need to stop being their messenger.They both acted defensive and even my mother said that "Im not doing that much" so I shouldn't be so concerned, I wonder if AITA for asking them to talk like the adults they are. Time is passing by and they stopped asking me to take part on their discussion, but it is also certain that they are not talking about it by themselves and their negociation is currently on "stand by". | AITA for telling my parents I don't want to negociate their divorce? | NTA |
10zufpe | Posted from a throwaway as I don’t want this linked to my normal account For context I (31F) have been with my partner (33M) for almost 5 years. My partner vaped when we first met but told me he was in the process of quitting by weaning to a lower concentration and frequency. Fast forward to 3 months ago and we are engaged, own a home together, and are talking about buying a bigger house and having kids within the next couple of years. We decided to sit down and plan out a budget to help us reach these goals. This included a $150 monthly allowance for each of us. This is money we can spend on ourselves for whatever we want without needing to run it by the other partner first.Last night we sat down to go through our last few months and see if the budget is serving us well or if there’s changes we should make. While calculating everything I realized he’s gone over his “allowance” all 3 months. I pointed this out and he said there was no way because he’s been tracking it each month and showed me his note in his phone. I pointed out that on top of what was in the note he was spending between 70-100 dollars a month on vape supplies. He immediately said he doesn’t count that because it’s a necessity and not something he can just stop to save money. I countered that if he was still making an active effort to quit that I may agree with that but he’s not. He told me he doesn’t want to quit because he enjoys it. I told him I have no issue with him vaping, I wouldn’t have started dating him in the first place if I did, however if he’s admittedly making no effort to quit because he likes it than it’s not a necessity it’s a hobby and should be considered part of his fun money not part of our necessities. He got upset and stated he feels it’s unfair but couldn’t give me any real reason as to why. I argued that what’s unfair is him getting more spending money than me because “it’s an addiction” when he’s not trying to quit. I said that he either needs to actually be making an effort to quit, consider it part of his allotted $150, or we can increase both of our allowances so that it’s still a fair balance. He said he would think about it and then was in a sour mood for the rest of the night and left for work before I woke up this morning. Now I’m second guessing myself because it’s not like I need more than the $150 a month and that was working for me until I found out about his vape expenses. So AITA? | AITA for not considering my partners vape supplies a necessity | NTA |
110cv3m | So for contex: I (15F) have been diagnosed with severe scoliosis by the time I was two months old, there are a lot of things I can’t do to this day even normal stuff like carrying your backpack, playing certain sports, and a ton of other things I’ll probably never be able to do. I even had to wear a brace (I started wearing it when I was 4 years old up until I turned 12) it wasn’t your average brace either, it was meant to be tight so that it’d keep everything in place and prevent more curvature which would basically suffocate me in a way. I couldn’t bend my back or kneel or even be comfortable while I had it on for most of the day. I just lived with it though I guess.Today, i was casually picking my neighbors daughter I’ll call her A (8F) from her class, I have to pick her up everyday since she goes to the same school and their place is like right next to ours. We get to the car and everything goes the way it is. Once we arrive, my brother grabs his bag. He was talking about how heavy it was and then asked her if she could try carrying it, I was just watching them since i was waiting for my mom to get out of the car. She picks the bag up with her arm but since it was too heavy she instantly dropped it, my brother and I both laughed slightly and then he said “I told you that you couldn’t carry it” or something like that, and then she responds with “well I have scoliosis anyways I can’t carry heavy things or my bag (not the bag she just carried that’s my brothers bag, her bag is very very light like it’s basically empty) “. That’s when I started getting upset, her curve is only 6 degrees which isn’t really considered scoliosis (in order for a curve to be considered scoliosis it must be over 10 degrees). I didn’t say much except for “ well your curve is only 6 degrees that isn’t even scoliosis.” And she responded with “well my mom said it was” she also said something else but I forgot what it was but I didn’t respond after it and just went home. I told my mom about it and she said I was overreacting and that it’s because her mom is way too worried and that it’s just a kid and I shouldn’t let it get to me, but it just really upset me. I’ve been dealing with this condition for as long as I can remember and it’s really affected the way I live and my childhood in general. I’ve always been made fun of for it and treated differently I just wish I never had to deal with it, nobody ever understands what I’m going through. Seeing someone just act like this pisses me off and hurts me since she also tends to use it as an advantage. I don’t really care if it’s a kid or not even though I didn’t say much it still really bothered me. I know I sound petty and almost selfish I’m probably going to get comments like “oh wel you aren’t the only person with scoliosis “ and I know I’m not obviously, but she doesn’t even have it. For fucks sake a six degree curve is normal!! Its not scoliosis it’s not even close, it could escalate into scoliosis but I doubt it will anytime sooner. AITA?Edit: I realized how terribly I worded things and I left out some bits, I never acted on my anger nor was I really that anger I’m upset yeah, but upset as In hurt I guess. Her mom took her to the doctor and he said she doesn’t have it and that six degrees is normal it might escalate into scoliosis but the chances of that are really low in her case, If I were to be angry id be angry at her mom she always brings it up and uses it to guilt trip my mom and I even though she knows I actually do have scoliosis and how hard it was on my mom and I (it isn’t as hard anymore though) like for example A literally broke our tv once and they used it as an excuse it’s a bit outlandish but that’s literally what they always do they always use it as an excuse for the most unnecessary things when everyone knows by now she doesn’t have it the mom also insists As brother has it as well when none of their curves have reached 10 degrees (it’s considered scoliosis by the time it reaches ten degrees) and the doctor debunked both of them having it | AITA for getting upset at my neighbors kid? | YTA |
1106t5t | i (22F) have a childhood best friend (24M) called nick, me and nick met through our parents as they were friends through high-school. nick and my brother (25M) Leo, don’t have such a good friendship. they haven’t liked each-other since they met. Leo met a new girl at his workplace (29F) and he introduced her to me, nick, our parents and nicks parents. a few weeks later, Leo came home and sat on the couch and cried. my mother comforted him and i asked what was wrong.Leo explained that his girlfriend and him had broke up and nick and she was in a relationship now. i stood up and walked out of the living room. my mother followed after me and yelled at me for not comforting my brother. i explained that he had no reason to cry, him and his girlfriend broke up she had a right to move on. i spoke to nick and he confirmed they were dating. my brother went through a depression stage for over a month. soon later, nick and the girl broke up. i started hanging around with nick again and my brother got pissed at me. my brother suggested to my mum to throw me out. my mum later threw me out with 2 hours to pack and find a place to stay. my grandma offered for me to stay with her. im sat in my grandmas guest room writing this, im still confused if im the asshole.update 1:reading some of these comments saying im the asshole, i understand why some may think that. i know im the asshole for walking out on my brother when he was heartbroken, since growing up my brother has been an attention seeker. i assumed he lied about it and his girlfriend did deserve to move on if it was right anyways. my mother and brother have sent me multiple texts agreeing to let me back home if i end my friendship with nick. i don’t know if i should end my friendship with someone I’ve been friends with my whole life just to go back home and have to look after my “heartbroken” brother. it was a over a month ago, i don’t know what to do anymore if i should end my friendship to go back to my family. i would just receive the same abuse from my brother. as when he was in his depression phase he was extremely rude to me and my mother. some may wonder where my dad comes into this. my dad has not said a word to me since all this has happened, growing up i was always a daddy’s girl but my dad loves my mum and cant stand up to her. | AITA for taking my best friends side over my brothers? | YTA |
110cdzl | AITA for not wanting to be corrected while doing chores?I (43m) share household chores with my wife (39f) and often when I do them she comes behind me and basically checks my work and feels the need to correct my “errors” and tell me how I can do a better job. A good example of this is when I do the dishes, she likes to explain to me how I’m not positioning them correctly to get maximally cleaned. The fairly constant corrections/critiques drives me crazy, but to be fair to her I’m not the most detailed oriented person or the best cleaner. I also admit that I can be over sensitive.Our core argument goes like this:Me: I hate being constantly critiqued by you when I’m doing chores. It makes me feel like you’re my boss and not my wife. If you don’t like the way I’m going to do something and can’t live with it without correcting me then you shouldn’t let me do it in the first place.Her: You need to be more open to criticism. Don’t you want to do chores in a way that will make me happy?I do love my wife and want to make her happy, but there’s a part of me that revolts at having my work checked and feeling like I need constant correction. AITA? | AITA for not wanting to be corrected/critiqued when I do household chores? | NTA |
10zygnp | For context I am in my mid 20s and have a good relationship with my mother/family. My mother is doing well for herself and runs a sucessful buisness.Five years ago I paid off my mother's housing loan. It worked out quite well as she had around 5 years left to pay and the amount was around the same that I had in the bank. This allowed her to avoid the bank and instead started paying me back. I did not have need for the money at the time and this meant that she did not need to make monthly payments to the bank. The loan was paid back after the 5 years. I was able to lend her the money beacuse i inheriteted a somewhat large sum when I turned 18.Now I am in the situation that me and my gf are trying to get into the housing market. I will be finishing my degrees at university in 1.5 years and my gf still has some years to go. We will lose our student housing in 1.5 years. I live in a captial area in scandinavia and the housing market her is crazy expensive. We have a decent amount saved up but are still a bit off from being able to pay for something that could be comfortable and would work for kids in the future.I have mentioned to my mother that perhaps she would be able to give me a loan as she has completly paid off her house and her buisness is still doing well. Whenever I have brought this topic up she has been quick to let me know that she would not be able to help us finacially/providing a loan. I have insights into her financial situation and do not see a reason for why she would not be able to provide this as she has no other major loans.This has left me quite baffeld as I am pretty much asking for the same loan that I gave her 5 years ago and she seemingly refuses to lend any help. This has made me somewhat recentful and I feel it is slowly eating away at our otherwise good relationship. This had had me wondering if I am the asshole for expecting her to help me or if she is in the wrong. I will be happy to flesh out details and questions in the comments. | AITA For expecting my mother to give me a loan after I gave her a loan? | YTA |
11063aq | (Sorry if the format is scrunkly, im writting on mobile)I (19f), live with my mom (40f) and currently dont live with my grandma (73f) anymore for some years, but i have lived with her for most of my life.in recent years ive noticed a lot of bad things she has done to me, on purpose or not.she has done wonderful things as well, and thats why i still love her, but her behaviour is not healthy.we as a family have no idea if she has any kind of disorder, but she says insensible things, gets offended, changes opinions on topics with months of difference (religion, for example) and all of that depends on her mood, wich of course we all change our mood, but she makes everyone around her stressed whe she feels bad.the thing is, last month, a plumber was coming to our house, i accidentaly slept in so my mom was trying to call me but due to a bad conversation the day before she tought i could not be answering because i was mad at her, so she called my grandma for her to call me instead, i didnt answer neither cause i was asleep.full context is my grandma was going out so she started to get worked up about recieving my moms call and her plans for the day, wich made her upset.then as i have allready let the plumber in, i get a call from my mom, who was slightly mad at me but understood that i wouldnt have a discussion with a visit in the house so we ended the call.then i call my grandma to explain her why i didnt answer, thst i slept in and that im ok.she started to explain me how she fought with my mom and started nagging me for not answering and causing problems, i told her it wasnt my fault and she said it was my fault that they fought, i repeated to her that i wouldnt argue by the phone cause i had a visit, to wich she answered: “Ha!, as if you were that decent”in wich i, paraphrasing said “ok, grandma” and hung up, i dont remember if i told her something else.this is not the first time she changes her opinion about me, sometimes im a smart, intelligent, and pretty girl, other times im a manipulative degenerate (her words in different occasions)manipulative depending on the topic but degenerate is new, cause im gay.after some days from that situation i get a call from her, we tend to call to know how we are doing since we live very far apart now, but this time i was feeling offended by her treatment so i decided to let it it go to voicemail.some minutes later i recieved a message from her with sometimes close to the lines of “hey… i just wanted to know how you were doing… thats it” or something like hat, with suspensive points and everything.this is not an emergency but i dont know if i should start treating her nicely again, becuase even if she feels bad this is not the first time im affected by howhever she feels in the moment, and she doesnt tend to apologize, this wouldnt hurt me normally but the main issue is i still love her as my grandma.please dont say no contant, for the most extreme out there, cause i would have to talk to her some moment or another.​AITA for not wanting to speak to her?​thank you for reading.(edit: i forgot to mention she blamed me for the fight with my mom) | AITA for not wanting to apeak to my grandma? | NTA |
1102us1 | I went to a birthday party with my most recent ex partner, who is also my friend. I went outside and joked about running away from them when they came outside, which made them upset. However, instead of telling me, they sat outside sobbing, and then they yelled at me for not knowing it would upset them. I got angry because I'm not a mind reader, and I don't know why they expected me to be one. They said that they ruined the party but quickly calmed down after being reassured by the host that it was okay. They apologized for lashing out at me and said that it was wrong, and I agreed and said that I did not forgive them. They got angry and repeated, "I ruined everything," even though they had already been convinced otherwise. I even heard them having fun before they came to apologize.It felt like manipulation to me, and so I told them that I wasn't sorry for not accepting their apology or feeling like they were trying to guilt trip me. AITA? | AITA for not forgiving my friend? | ESH |
10zylj3 | This April will be my 25th birthday and my family has already started planning a big party. By big I mean about 20-30 people family and family friends. And my brother will take me to a basketball game earlier. I have told everyone repeatedly for the past 12 years I don't want a party for my birthday. I never enjoyed parties. I'd rather just enjoy the day at home with my family and eat cake. But they never listen to me. Today when I brought up this issue with a friend who asked me if I had plans he said if I don't want to do it I should bail. My thought process is even if I tell them not to plan me a party they will do it anyway so there is no stopping this train. My friend got me a ticket to a cool art exhibit on my birthday that I'd rather be at. My plan is the day before my birthday to just walk out the house drive to my friend's house crash for the night and then go to the art exhibit and come home late that night around 10:30-11:00. I'm not a festive person I don't care about fanfare and excitement, but everyone else does. So will it be a bad idea to just bail on my family. | AITA for bailing on plans for my birthday? | NTA |
110bpu6 | Me and my mother talking about yesterday’s incident where my aunt was scolding us in front of other relatives, like we are some 8 yr old kids, one of my cousins walked out because she was mad. Although they admitted that she was at fault at that time and I added a comment the she (my cousin who walked out) do really hold a grudge, like a grudge to death to describe it and then my mama added a comment saying she shouldn’t be like, holding grudge and we are in an argument and I told her no do not invalidate the feeling and the reaction of the person, you do not know what that person feels. We have different level of emotional reactions and different levels of understanding and she brings the past that her family before was prioritized by my father’s siblings and us (my father’s family) was the one who were bullied and left to suffer but they are still on their high horse letting not letting people to tell them and scold them and all, and they should be thankful and have a debt of gratitude because they’re the ones who receive all the help and attention and I said no, do not compare what your past to theirs and stop comparing situations because you don’t also know what they experience. And I told her do not judge people just because of your comparison to your past/situation and your observations to them. And she got mad and told me, I am one sided. I never was on their side and I was heavily influenced by my cousin’s pride and I told her no, I was not being one sided, In my head I am being rational. And in the end she told me that I should live with them because I know them better and she walks away. Am I the asshole? | AITA for not taking my mother’s side? | NTA |
10zvnxg | So, I (M14) went to the store today in order to buy some potatoes, and I asked my mom if I may as well could buy some snacks, and she said yes, so I went to the store and I bought the stuff, after coming home I put the stuff in the kitchen, left it there and decided to do some other stuff while she was making food, eventually I came back to the kitchen to find that she had eaten 1 of my snacks (gummies), I wasn't happy about that but I went back to what I was doing, however I was planning on eating those later but I thought I'd just buy it later and didn't care too much. Eventually later came, and I told her that I wanted to go and buy it again, but she said no, I kept asking her but she kept saying no, my dad was also saying no but he was saying no because I had a cold, though I don't understand how that's relevant as I'd be fine, the cold was already practically gone anyway, anyhow, I asked her why I couldn't go and she said that it was because I was only asking her because I was angry she ate it, but I specifically said that I didn't care about that anymore and wanted my damn snack, then she started saying it's because I was stubborn and that I couldn't not eat it, but I didn't understand how that's was a reason either since why would I want to not eat the damn snack, there's no gain from it, she also started saying that she didn't have the money, which also wasn't true, (she said she did like a bit after), so I offered to buy it with my own money and then she could pay me back, (I wasn't actually gonna ask for the money back), anyways, no matter how many times I gave her reasons to let me go down to the store and buy the damn which (which was likely not even gonna be stocked anymore), she just didn't listen to my words, eventually I gave up and she challenged me to post this somewhere and see who most people would agree with, so now here I am.AITA? | AITA for asking my mom to let me buy a snack I was saving for later because she ate it | NTA |
10zx3nh | This is something that I am truly confused by and I cannot come up with an answer by myself.​So my friend came to visit a week ago and has been staying here for a week. He leaves in like 2 days. He is taking a road trip around the country. My friend does drugs but I have never really cared. The stuff he does are hard drugs but since they are always on his person or in his personal car, I figured that if he got caught with them, that would be on him.​My roommate found out my friend does drugs when he saw him taking a pill from a bag, not a bottle. And when he confronts me about it, I tell him honestly that my friend indeed does do drugs but I didn't tell him since I didn't think it was a big deal because he smokes weed all over the house and buys it literally in front of our home.​My roommate says that they are not the same since weed is not a hard drug and I'm risking him going to jail but I figured that since my roommate is already smoking weed all over the house and buying it so close to our place, he is already risking me getting in trouble.​It has come to the point where my roommate says that if my friend does not leave within the hour, he is calling the cops on him.​I get that he doesn't like that my friend does harder drugs but I'm just not sure he is standing on any moral high ground in this situation, especially when he confronted me while smoking a blunt.​So...AITA?​Edit 1: We have never discussed drugs because I don't use them and don't care what others use since that is their own business. Also, weed is not legal here | AITA for not caring that my friend brought drugs into my home and not telling my roommate? | YTA |
10zxi1x | I (37f) and bestie (34f) met when we did some local modelling. We clicked right away.Fast forward- I moved to Mexico with my kids. Bestie messages- she's going through some things and is coming to visit! My landlord drove me 1hr to pick her up, She saw us when she got out, waved, but stops at the bar mid-way, drops her bag, and sat down to order drinks! Parking was per minute, and my landlord had plans.The next day was a bad storm. Bestie still wants to go out so we went to the mall. It clears up after dinner, so we can go out. She calls a few people she knew in town and we go to a bar I like. Bestie decides alcohol isn't enough and starts asking strangers for certain substances. I told her Mexico isn't the place to be asking randoms for things, but she got upset and walked off. Guess bestie found what she was looking for and was doing it right on the bar! It was time to go, but she didn’t want to and the guy who supplied her was pulling her to the back of the club where his friends were.The taxi ride home she said cruel things about my kids and other ramblings. She woke my kids and I locked her out of my room.Talking about my kids was out of line and I told her so in the AM. She apologized to my kids and promised to take them to their favorite restaurant that night.She got dressed for the pool and stood in front of my window with her breasts exposed. I asked her to stop- I don't want that kind of attention from neighbors, my kids live here-she laughed it off and did it again when she got out. Some online guy sent her a ticket to Cabo, so she’s leaving to spend the rest of the time with him. I asked for his information, so someone knows where she is and who she's with but I was being paranoid.At the dinner, she makes eye contact with senior behind us. I thought she went to the bathroom but she was sitting in the old guy’s lap! She had food left and told her to eat or pack up- there’s a line at the door for seats and we looked dumb sitting there. She went to get the bill, but stopped at the bar and had a drink with old guy. I left with my kids. She caught up when I was watching the kids play. A guy stood next to us- dirty backpack, straggly hair with unintentional dreads. She says she likes his hair and asks him to sit next to her. Before I know she asks me to hold her things so her and "Oscar" can grab a drink-she'll "be right back" I said I’m getting my kids the dessert I promised then home and to get her stuff in the morning- she left with him.No response when I text to see if she’s safe.3 the next day she knocks on my door.She had clothes in my laundry service but waits until the night before she leaves to say she’d be by later to get them. She didn't show up. Then I had breakfast plans w/ the kids. After a 2hr taxi ride and flight without her clothes she left many messages calling me a thief and other names, insults and slurs and threats. I don't think I did anything wrong. AITA? | AITA for kicking my bestie out of my home and "stealing" her clothes in Mexico? | NTA |
10zvbe8 | I’m gonna try make this very short Basically I’m very big advocate for PDA of course there is good PDA and bad PDA but my feelings towards it doesn’t make me interfere with anyone honestly.I’m okay with a kiss, a hug, holding hands and the couples being in love and happy in public (I find it soo incredibly adorable) but I’m not ok with groping, French kissing or anything that can be seen as a kink. Of course I’m actually okay with anything in private with my partner but personally I don’t like doing/seeing it in public (mainly with friends or people you know) I somewhat get secondhand embarrassment. I’m not saying you should be in embarrassed, but I think there should be a time and a place for everything but ME personally I don’t want to see anyone’s tongue down another persons throat. Well, some of my friend group are in couples. Most couples are very sweet and wary of PDA while other couples.… aren’t really. my best friend is one of them. Her and her boyfriend have done it all in front of me. I usually try to ignore it, but if there’s kissing going on, it’s really hard to not hear that…sound also it’s incredibly awkward, and I get extreme secondhand embarrassment. I also think it’s a bit rude to do it in front of your friends but everyone is different so it’s not my place. Of course I have asked them if they could please turn it down a little bit or at least not do extreme PDA in front of me. They responded by asking me if I was jealous and to get over it because there’s nothing wrong with affection. Personally, I have nothing wrong with affection. I think it’s the most beautiful thing but again I think there’s time and a place. Well, every time they make out I have been getting up and walking away. I try not to make it too obvious and I just lock myself in the bathroom until I think they’re done. Sometimes I just end up actually leaving and they don’t realise I’m gone until two hours later. So they kind of just expect me to sit there for two hours while they kissed. I’ve always made excuses on why I was leaving or why I walked away, but my friend noticed a pattern. She told me that I need to get over the jealousy I had, and that I was being a real AH for making it awkward because I keep walking away. I tried to explain to her that it just personally makes me uncomfortable and awkward and that I’m not jealous. It’s just not my cup of tea to look at or hear. She said that affection is normal and I need to get over it and I’m causing a fuss over nothing.So am I the AH | AITA for walking away from my friends when they kiss | NTA |
10zvwdd | Yo, so I (16M) am working this Tuesday, Valentine’s Day, and my girlfriend (17F) wants me to take it off and hang out with her. She’s making Valentine’s Day a big deal and honestly, I don’t like the holiday because of the materialism associated with it, I’m a Buddhist and I believe you don’t need to give material things to show your affection. She is too and she’s still going (imo) over-the-top and getting me a lot of things. So WIBTA if I worked rather than hang out for a holiday that I don’t like? | WIBTA if I didn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day with my girlfriend? | NAH |
1100j93 | I'm sorry if this is long but am I the AH? My sister has been staying off the weed for about last year off and on, and she is a major cleaner who likes a clean house. (Not neat freak clean) but she left the house on Wednesday, and came back yesterday. Anyway she was distraught that the house was a mess and no one had cleaned it since she left. To put it more simplyish I work till 5:30 on wednesday and Thursday. On Friday I go to a different town for a college class dont get home till 2, our mother lives with us and works till 6 and my nephew works till 3. She had been telling me that "why isn't this dumped out." "Why isn't this that dumped out." I got irritated and told her "I already know that". The situation escalated and we yelled back and forth I told her to "shut the f$%& up and let him talk" when my nephew was trying to say something to her. She got mad and said "I f%&*<_/ hate you!" to me And went upstairs to scream. I left the area shaking and in shock about what happened. Well our mother came back after a work out and talked to her, its kind devolved but not at the same time but my sister told her that "I am always blamed as the villan" "I'm treating them with respect and I want that in return." "Why can't we talk like f%&*>,% adults, there are four f%&*>% adults in this house." "I am stressed over how much cleaning I have to do". Am I the AH or is this just a BIG miss communication thing? Should I have done something else?Edit: we all have a focusing disorder and we are all working through it. Also my nephew just turned 18 and is still working on being an adult. | WIBTA talking back to my sister who is quitting smoking. | ESH |
1101wtv | Hii, I’m 14F and my parents are 39F and 36M. My siblings are 11F, 10F and 4F if that’s important tooThis happened a while ago, I was around 12 I think. I still feel a bit guilty about it to this day so I’m just gonna get right into the story or something. Important: I’m overweight and tend to binge eat sometimesSo I had just gotten home after school, I was home alone and hungry like most kids probably are so I ate like the rest of my school lunch so we didn’t have to waste food. An hour later my mom and my siblings get home and my mom starts cooking. After the food is done she tells me to come eat dinner. I told her that I didn’t have to because I ate an hour before they came.She got annoyed and yelled at me to come downstairs to eat, i again said “no I just ate” after a bit back and forth, she lost it. She came upstairs, I sensed that she was gonna do something so I luckily locked the door before she could enter my room. She tried to get in, but when she couldn’t she started banging on my door, it sounded like it could break at any moment.I was crying, she was yelling, my siblings were scared. I yelled at her saying “go away, you’re scaring me” but she just replied “I’m not scaring you! You’re scaring your siblings!!” So yeah. I called my dad, he came, my mom left to her boyfriend’s place with my siblings. After the weekend she took my phone for 2 weeks | AITA for eating before dinner? | NTA |
10zv28x | I am due in about 4 weeks and my In-Laws live an hour away. My in-laws never want to drive to the city my husband and I live in. We always have to go to them. Small background My in laws are very controlling. I don’t have a relationship with them at all. My husband is getting distant with his parents. His mom whined and said I never see you and wants him to visit every Friday. Or she said spend a least one weekend a month at their place. My father in law is a pilot and he’s always working and he misses holidays and birthdays. He gets upset with my husband if he cannot make it spend Thanksgiving, Christmas or Birthdays with his Mom and two teenage sisters. I miss out on Christmas morning with my husband because his mom throws a fit and his dad chews him out. My husband does have to grab his 8 year old that lives in the same city as his parents. Anyway, there’s a lot more that’s happened. His mom wants to be in the delivery room I said no. His dad called and chewed him out. Since, I said no. His mom expects us to bring the newborn to them once he’s born. My in laws have 3 really big dogs that jump. My in-laws have no control over the dogs. When I sit they jump on you and scratch you they also nibble. I’m sure they have no intention on hurting you. A newborn getting jumped on or nibbled at could actually hurt him. One dog had thought my husbands first born was a toy and was yanking his little arm back and forth. My husband had to pry the dog’s mouth open. I don’t mind bringing him once he’s older. Right now Im not ready to bring him out. I think they can visit us for a change. My husband has asked them in the past to come out and they always tell him that doesn’t work for them.AMIA for putting my foot down and not giving his parents what they want? | AITA for noting wanting to bring my newborn to my in-laws if they can’t control their dogs? | NTA |
10zuzdh | So here’s what happened: So my mom (71) (biologically my grandma) just had a heart attack in December and she was on a bed rest for two weeks. Doctors say she’s fine now and can drive on her own and stay by herself, but she is dependent on me driving her everywhere and she gets mad if I don’t drive her. So because of this rule I have to stay home 24/7 and can only get out when I have permission to (need I say I’m 20f) I have a curfew of 10 pm. I can’t leave her side while shopping either, even if it’s to go into another isle. She’s went inside stores on her own with my other family members that drive her. Well yesterday my mom and I got into an argument on why I’ve been stressed about being a caregiver with no one to help me at age 20, she didn’t take it very well and asked me why I was “being such a b*tch” and telling me just to shut up. Sue also said that she’s taken care of me for many years( when I was 14 she granted custody of me when I wasn’t old enough for a job and didn’t have a car) I asked some family members what to do and they said that I could go to my boyfriends and stay the weekend. Even though I am currently staying with my bf (23) I still feel guilty. So I need some other opinions Aita?UPDATE: Had a talk with my family. All of the things that had happened in the last post that I had made. THEY DIDNT MENTION. It was a giant lecture about how I didn’t clean well enough and when I mentioned my boundaries that I had wanted to talk about. I was basically berated for it. And it somehow got turned to how it’s my fault that I am home at 10 PM and how I don’t get anything cleaned or done. And now I can’t even spend the night with my boyfriend anymore. I am planning on moving soon. I had a breakdown after the argument on the road. | AITA for going to my boyfriend for a few days | NTA |
1101kgr | Who is in the wrong in this situation? We decided to ride our bikes to a Sports Store to pick up some skates. Before we left, I looked at the store website to see which brands/type of skates they carried. I confirmed the two options that I would want to look at. Then I looked up the store’s phone number to give them a call. I was going to ask them if they had my size skate at the store (7.5 & 8 sizes which are my two most common shoe sizes), but then my boyfriend told me I didn’t need to call to check inventory and we should just go to the store. When we got to the store, they didn’t have my size skates in either of the skates I looked at, which happened to be the only two brands in the store at the time. In total, it took us 50 minutes to ride to the store, check out the skates available at the store, and ride back home. Boyfriend was pissed at me saying I ruined his entire day. He called me selfish, and self-centered. Told me that I was in the wrong because I didn’t check inventory on the website, to see what was available at this exact store. He was right - I didn’t check store inventory on the website and it didn’t even occur to me that I should I just saw that the sizes I wanted for either brand were in stock for shipping (not available at any nearby stores). Now we are back home and he is pissed at me. Am I the asshole?A reminder that I did want to call the store and check inventory beforehand and said we should just go to the store. So am I still in the wrong?" | AITA for not checking inventory on the sports store website? | NTA |
11061ea | My grandma came to visit in November. She was rather absent in my life and was slammed onto me when I was 18. Like- that is the biggest part that I detest mostly. Suddenly I'm expected to treat her with the affection that you give a grandma, the way that I give my mom's mom? No, I don't have it in me to do that. Especially knowing that she wants to know EVERYTHING in my life, and she'll tell everyone under the sun. like she wants to pretend that the last 2 decades never happened. Guys, I can't bring myself to look at her, knowing that's what she wants and I can't give it. I have a tik-tok. and sometimes videos do well, and then my family gossips about it, constantly check it, won't shut up about it- I've told them I don't like that, but I tolerate it because honestly it's not that big of a deal for me to make. A week ago, I saw notifications where she was going down and liking all of my videos- it infuriated me. Maybe irrationally, because I don't want her seeing videos of me. She's already forcing herself into my life, so I blocked her. Tonight, I was forced to get dinner with everyone. I didn't really want to, I was tired after work. They all started talking about a tiktok of mine that I had recently posted, and my grandma was like "what? I didn't see it!" Unbenownst to me at the time, my mom gave her her phone so she can see them. I DID NOT KNOW THIS. I texted her than I blocked her so she can't see them. I forget that my grandmother can read english. She saw it. I don't want to unblock her. To me, I don't really care if she's upset about it, she is not a welcome presence in my life, and frankly I could care less. My mom says that that's mean and inhuman. That I can't selectively choose to be sympathetic to people, and not this old woman. I don't know, am I the asshole? I feel like one. I feel bad that she saw that message, I do. But how was I supposed to know she'd see it? How am I supposed to navigate this when I'm not that remorseful? Am I the asshole? | AITA because I don't want to apologize? | YTA |
110613i | So, for context, I (15f) have 1 friend (16m), I'll call him Steve. Me and Steve have been friends for about 3 years now. Often times, he'll talk about his friends up state. That, or I help him through his problems. However, lately he's been ignoring me. I'm afraid he doesn't care about me anymore. I don't mean to make him seem insensitive, he's really nice! But, I'm a little bit upset that he seems to care more about his other friends than me. AITA? | AITA for being upset that my friend won't talk to me? | NAH |
1103hrk | Recently, my friend has been hanging out with one of our mutual friends. No invite for our other friends in the group.I used to play games with her a lot alone which is why I feel like she’s one of my closer friends. This mutual friend of ours has a work schedule and so he has limited time to play, and I’ve noticed my closer friend only comes on when he’s back from work and they play games together. My friend has told me before that it’s selfish of me to think that she can’t hang out with others and that is true. But the part I have an issue with is that she only plays with him during the day, and when he has to go sleep, she turns to me and asks if I want to play games and hang out.I’ve been staying up alot recently, like until 3am because it’s fun to hang out with her and friends, no doubt. But I’m a college student, and as much fun as it is to play games with this friend, I’m tired as in not enough sleep. My other friend who has noticed this has contacted her about how she only plays with him during the day and my friend responded along the lines of “he’s going to be working overseas soon, stop being selfish about me hanging out with him during the time he has left.” Again I see her point, but it’s the turning to me after he has to go sleep that I have an issue with and I’m frankly getting fed up. Would I be the asshole if I started telling my friend slowly that I’m not really available to play games at night?edit: I am available at night to play a bit, but I need rest and would appreciate her wanting to hang out during the day too even when her friend is back from work, but is this the way to do it | WIBTA if I told my friend I’m unavailable at night to play games | NTA |
1101j4l | So I (22f) was in a relationship (25m) for 4 months. He's been spending every weekend at my family's home since New years eve. It's just been a thing, anyways I was venting to him, while driving him home. And he told me I handled the situation well, but getting emotional about it was letting them win. (I agree to a point) but then he told me just not to let it bother me. This morning he vented to me about a situation at home, and I listened, and made suggestions that he immediately shot down (I'll explain if yall want 🤷♀️) But as I was venting he was very cold towards me when he told me not to let it bother me, basically just saying to get over it( , I just felt like i needed to vent so I didn't stay upset when I got home) and because he was cold towards me, I just blurted out, "well you shouldn't let Josh get to you. Then, take your own advice" I didn't yell. I just said it simply. The same as he did. At this point he started yelling at me, saying I can't compare situations and just continued to yell that I don't know his situation fully and I honestly didn't understand it all because it was all dumb. And I was crying and asking him to stop yelling at me, and he said I was turning it around on him and very adamant I was in the wrong here. He lives 30 minutes rom me, my work is the half way point between our houses. It's a 15 minute drive to his house from my job. And I pulled into my works parking lot because I needed to use the restroom RQ and he was still yelling at me, when he demanded to know what I was doing pulling in, instead of just going straight to his place. I told him I had to pee and he needed to just get his mom to pick him up or something because I'm done being yelled at, especially because I did nothing wrong, and he was being a D bag. I told him he's been cold and distant during our entire relationship and never complimented me or made me even feel wanted. And the whole time I said all of it he just said "I wonder why. I wonder why" And he left his "spendanight" bag in my car and I simply threw it out. And he started yelling that I was a (C u next tuesday) and threw his jacket at him too. I get that throwing stuff, especially in public, was inappropriate. But being yelled at for telling someone to take his own advice. For 10 minutes straight after trying to vent, sucked. | AITA? I made him walk half way home. | NTA |
1109qfo | I 25y F have been married to my husband 28 for going on 4 years now. We have two daughter a 2yr old and a 2m old. Us 4 are very close and do everything together. MY parents have been very helpful with my 2yr old daughter since she was born and are the only ones who I’ve let babysit ever.. my in laws have always done their own thing and weren’t regularly in my baby’s life from the start. This isn’t to say they weren’t ever there they just had their own things going on. Now, my mil and sil insist on babysitting not only my oldest child but my newborn as well. I tried to tell my husband i don’t feel comfortable with it because for one, they have very different styles of taking care of kids than my family does plus I have known my parents my whole life, I’ve only known his mom for 3-4 years and although I love her we haven’t been extremely close ever, but he insists it’s just not fair and that his family deserves to have them just as much. I feel like it’s not the same because HE has never had concerns about my parents, while I have had some about his family which I feel like is normal when I haven’t known them a ton of time.. my parents never ask to babysit or take my kid obviously they’re delighted when they get to but they never but that pressure on us , they simply just support me when I ask, and my baby is always the one who asks for my parents, it’s clear that she absolutely adores spending time with them.. but my in laws almost demand to take my daughter not only do they want her to go to their house but they want to take her out places. I rarely ever take my daughter(s) anywhere without my husband and my parents have never taken them anywhere either, they solely just stay at their house so I feel like it’s a lot different in that case too! It’s SO unsafe everywhere and they’re asking to take my most prized possession just to spend time with them? I just feel like it’s weird like why isn’t it enough to just be with them at our house? Why do they want to be alone with them or take them somewhere without us ? We can easy just all go .. on top of just all that paranoia my mil and sil are both single and suffer from some sort of depression and have lately been in very questionable situations.. i just feel like that can be super dangerous and i know that’s the mom in me talking but then again it’s my children!! Whenever I try to explain I’m just not ready to let them go they get all offended and bring up the fact that they have raised kids and blah blah blah.. long story short I feel like I’m the mom if I don’t want to even if I had no reason I shouldn’t have to, is that me being an asshole? | AITA FOR NOT TRUSTING MY MIL | YTA |
10zy7mv | First post ever, so here goes. My husband (M39) and I (F37) got home last night around 11pm, and our apartment building was dark. The hall lights and entry way lights were off, and the entry buzzer was not working. Not a big deal, we had our keys, and I used my phone’s flashlight to see going up the stairs. We were maybe 5 or 6 stairs up when we heard a loud banging on the door. We heard a voice shout “I’m you neighbor, let me in, I forgot my keys and the key pad isn’t working”. My husband went back to the door, saw it was a female who neither one of us had ever seen before. He jokingly said “oh I’ll need you name, drivers license and social to make sure you live here”. She said “I do live here” and just pushed past him. I said “wow, she didn’t even thank you for letting you in.” She got pissed and said I should not be joking around to someone who was obviously stressed out. I said I couldn’t tell she was stressed, she was outside, but I would have still thanked someone for letting me in, stressed or not. Then she said “good for you, you fat cunt.”I was almost thinking maybe I should have given her a pass, but then she dropped that line. I don’t think think my husband or I are the AH here, but I’m also second guessing that we might be since she was stressed out about getting in to her apartment. | AITA for joking around when letting in a neighbor who I have never met? | NTA |
10zxzox | Short backstory: I've been no contact with the woman that birthed me (mother) for maybe 15 years now for many reasons. Aunt 1 is also no contact with mother. A few years ago granny was in hospital. Aunt 1 has been caring for her single handedly with zero help from mother, Aunt 2, or any of us cousins at all. Whilst granny was in hospital with Aunt 1 in charge, mother tried to butt in and take over, despite being told by granny she wasn't wanted, and despite never having been involved in her care. Skip to now: granny has been back in hospital with declining mental health as well as physical. Aunt 1 is once again taking charge and advocating for assistance, as she is the only person that was caring for Granny for years. I feel it is her right to have that say, since the rest of us have done nothing to gain the entitlement to make those decisions. Somebody has been calling the hospital and trying to override Aunt 1's decisions, claiming that they're granny's daughter. The only daughters are Aunt 1, mother and Aunt 2. Mother has set a precedent for behaving this way already in the past. Aunt 1 is trying to find out who has been trying to take over. She has asked Aunt 2 who denied it was her, who then asked mother who also denied culpability. From here, there are 5 female cousins that includes me, and 2 female spouses of male cousins, all who could potentially be the one causing problems with the hospital. This is where I want to see if I'm the AH or not. Aunt 2 contacted me asking if it was me (it wasn't). Now I feel very offended that she would even ask me that question; not because I think she shouldn't ask, but because she asked mother (who has already shown she will behave in this exact way), me and nobody else. None of the other cousins, and not the spouses. Her reasons were that she doubts it would be the other cousins and so hasn't even asked them, I was the last person she asked, it's up to Aunt number 1 to ask her own children, and there was no mention of the spouses. I'm offended that out of every female in the family, I am the only one of the cousins/spouses that she asked. I am offended that her singling me out to ask shows that I am the only one in the family she thinks is capable of trying to cause problems for Aunt 1 at the hospital. She already said she doubts it's anyone else. I feel like just because she never specifically said I'm a crap person and the only one that would do something like that, her actions say exactly this. I sent her a private message first to say that I was upset that she would think so little of me and asked why I was singled out. I was then accused of shouting abuse at her, which is a blatant lie.AITA for being offended she thinks I am the only one in the family that would do this? I would understand asking everyone in the group chat, but to admit she doubts it's anyone else so is only asking me, I feel I've the right to feel upset. | AITA for being offended? | NTA |
10zvnu0 | I've had my housemate since August. When she moved in, she let me know that she was bringing her cat (I'm highly allergic). We agreed upon leaving the cat in her room. Eventually, she asked if we could let him out for small periods of time like twice a day and that she'd buy me allergy meds. I appreciated the gesture and said yes. Then, the cat roaming turned into an almost all-day affair. I expressed discomfort with this, especially with the cat going upstairs onto the carpeted floor. She offered to vacuum and wash the carpets (she never did). I appreciated the gesture but expressed my discomfort again. The cat figured out how to open doors and was letting himself out. He licks and plays with clean dishes (which then have to be washed because if I consume any of it, my throat will close), he plays with the tv cords and wobbles the tv (the tv belongs to the leasing company. If it breaks, we have to pay for it). He's been stepping on my WiiU (which I wouldn't be able to replace). He is now entering my room, which is strictly off limits. I expressed this, and she did nothing, saying that putting the cat back in her room was making him destroy her room. One day, the cat broke all the boundaries set, and we (my gf and I) put him back in her room. When she got home from work, she was highly upset that we put him back. This ended up causing a huge conflict with her, saying I gave her an ultimatum, which I expressed that I was willing to compromise. She has stated that I haven't appreciated anything she's done to try to help even though I've expressed that I have appreciated it, I'm just struggling because it's not enough. I wake up every morning with a sore throat, stuffed nose, and crusted eyes, even with an air purifier in my room. Her room is right below mine, and we share a vent system. We also found out that she had been leaving dirty litter in an open bucket in her room. I got upset with her about everything because she's prioritizing her cat over me. Our leasing office says they didn't get cat paperwork until she moved in and that she wouldn't have been placed in my unit (I lived here the year before and renewed). She's telling me they knew the whole time. The story isn't consistent because I remember her having to go register her cat when she moved in. So AITA for getting upset with her? | AITA for getting upset with my housemate | NTA |
10zxpau | Sorry about the title not making sense. I admit I have some mild OCD. My husband and I fight a lot about seemingly little things like how he needs to use soap to wash his hands rather than just leave them under the water for 3 seconds, etc.I try to be patient but I find myself taking on all of some of the household chores because he doesn’t do them the way I think is acceptable. I don’t believe them to be unrealistically high expectations but for example one of my pet peeves is when he takes our toddler and baby’s clothes and washes them with bath mats and dirty floor towels that we use to clean up after our dog and wipe up accidents and mud off the floor with. He’s done this multiple times despite me asking him not to. I’ve asked him repeatedly to please not touch the kids’ or my laundry anymore because it saves an argument and he will get defensive and call me OCD and unreasonable, unappreciative, etc if I complain. Sometimes it turns into explosive arguments so I just prefer to do it alone and ask him not to help with their laundry anymore. This is how it has been for years.A couple days ago he asked to transfer the laundry while I was cooking to help and I almost said yes but remembered he tends to bring up damp clothes and says he can’t tell they’re not dry so I said no thank you please. He insisted and I said please three more times before he started about how I shouldn’t complain he doesn’t help with the laundry. I raised my voice and threw in the f word (I know it was wrong but I had already asked him politely 4 times to leave it.) He doesn’t help gather, sort, wash, or put away the clothes . He only moves wet clothes to the dryer and takes them out of the dryer, and me having to bring damp clothes back to the laundry room to dry would just make more work for me. Today he asked again so I gave in and let him help. Once again he brought up damp pillows and blankets. We got into a fight because he said I was mean and overlook all the nice things he does and I lost my patience because it’s getting old. He took the damp baby’s pillows and then tossed them into the dryer which once again, contained bath mats and floor towels used for the dog and spills. We got into another fight and I told him I would do his laundry with the pets’ if he didn’t seem to mind.AITA for helping him and washing his pillow with the bathmats and floor towel that was just used to clean up our toddler’s accident? I know I don’t need to do this but I’ve asked him repeatedly not to do the same and he just isn’t respecting my wishes. I think deep down he thinks it’s gross and want him to see what it feels like when he “helps.” | AITA for doing laundry the same way my husband did that made me mad? | ESH |
10zxkas | For context, I'm getting married in less than a week.Atm I'm working elsewhere but will be flying back to my hometown for the wedding. My fiance & I haven't been apart for too long since he came with me to help me settle but now that he is gone I'm alone with my thoughts. I feel like no one cares about me. I'm less than a week away from my wedding and idk I thought I'd feel a bit... more. My family & my fiance's family haven't said anything to me. It feels like no one speaks of this!Ik my MIL and SIL have been nasty in the past since I got engaged but despite the bumpy road we r acting like adults. But now I am here and no one has asked if I'd like to get my nails done, or if I'm excited about the days ahead or anything. Ik people live a busy life but it's just so quiet I'm beginning to wonder if anyone even cares. It feels like a huge mistake to spend so much money on this wedding and people are just whatever about it. I have my suspicions my fiance's family just want this crap over with b/c SIL just go engaged & they want to focus on that.Idk what to do reddit, I guess I would like a different perspective on this, am I overreacting? is it perhaps me just being sad bc I'm alone for work in a new city? should I even bring up how upsetting events from the past few months were?WIBTA if I just tell everyone how disappointed they have made me feel with their little interest and actions?P.S. my fiance is not with me b/c he is a Ph.D. student and needs to be in our hometown for school.No, SIL did not ask me to be a bridesmaid (yes she is one of mine). MIL has been very nasty with some of her comments and actions since I got engaged. FIL threw away our invitation in the garbage unopened and I was the one to find it. He claimed it was an accident. -I've been battling emotions for so long, wanting to reject them as my new family or accept them. It also doesn't help how unconcerned my own family is. I just can't deal. | WIBTA If I tell everyone how I feel? | NTA |
10zx0fn | For background: my (f17) sister (f14) is continuously verbally abusive to my family at home, and she’s been making our home life hell for almost two years now. My parents have called social workers on her before but nothing drastic has come from it. There has been discussion of sending her involuntarily to a mental institution, as she has extremely severe anxiety along with delusions about her appearance, and these both manifest in her lashing out at my parents and myself when she is upset or stressed. She also often refuses to go to school because she believes she looks ugly (she doesn’t, she’s objectively very pretty.) She refuses to see a therapist.I took her to the mall with me today and as we were leaving, after we went into Claire’s and left without buying anything, I caught her with a packet of $25 earrings in her pocket. She looked scared and said that she’d never done it before, and she asked me to please not tell my parents. I didn’t say anything. We were already out, so I didn’t make her return them or anything, and I just drove her home.The thing is, I’ve shoplifted a few times before, but no one in my family knows this, and I’ve never been caught. It was always things like energy drinks or sandwiches from the grocery store for lunch. I’m not condoning this behavior, only admitting that I’ve done it. At the time I was flat broke and could not have afforded to buy these things, but my parents gave my sister $50 to spend at the mall and she barely used any of it. She definitely could have just bought those earrings— there was no reason to steal them.I feel like I should tell my parents, but I’m hesitating. I feel like it would be hypocritical of me, considering I’ve shoplifted before with no repercussions. I also think that this could result in her getting into serious trouble, given her situation and how she already has a file. I’m not sure if I want that or not. She makes my life hell, but she’s still my sister, and she’s only 14.WIBTA if I tell on her? | WIBTA if I tell my parents that I caught my sister shoplifting, despite having shoplifted before and having never been caught? | YWBTA |
10zy5sq | Ok I will try to make this short while providing details.At 5 am this morning on my husbands way to work, he told me he wanted to go visit a friend in a state we live in that is having a rough time of it. Now by a rough time, I don't mean anyone died, or he lost his house, or got divorced or anything. He lost his job, and lives with his fiancee and they are planning a wedding. (Which I understand the stress off, both being out of work and planning a wedding.)It should also be noted we are trying to pay down debt, and, we are planning for hopefully a major life event. The event has not happened yet but is in the works.If just he goes, its going to cost around 500 just for travel round trip, if he wants me to go with him thats about 1000.I don't plan to go, so it would just be him.But I do plan to go in august when these friends are getting married. So that is another 1000 in august just for travel, not to mention hotel, and anything else we need (Like suit rental and ect).I will say we are in a spot where we could afford it with out going hungry, but its probably going to go on credit we are all ready trying to pay down and means nothing is going towards savings.I will admit I did snap at him this morning, and that was the wrong way to handle it. I was tired and blind sided by it. I have apologized for that, but, I want to know if I am in the wrong for thinking that this is a waste of money for a small thing when we will see these people in 6 months. | AITA for not wanting my husband to take a trip, when we will both be taking the same trip in 6 months. | YTA |