vibhorag101/roberta-base-suicide-prediction-phr-v2
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Just a car rideSometimes I just drive around hoping someone will hit me. Sometimes I look for an area that will cause the most impact. I'm starting to get scared of driving. | suicide |
TiredI dont even feel like typing this honestly Im so tired of existence. Ive already posted here a few times but I guess its because part of me still wants to live. I dont want to die I just cant take this anymore. At least I did one of the things I wanted to do, I got my first kiss. Too bad I ruined things and I only was a burden to her. Im insane and its only a matter of time until I ruin everything else. Its inevitable. I dont wanna live to see myself ruin what I have left. Im pretty sure Ill end up posting here again. | suicide |
I will be posting my google meet link in one hour Join my physics class and suffer with me (must require TCDSB e-mail) | non-suicide |
I st ab bed m yse l f ?I stabb ed m yself tim es i n t he che st wit h a butc her's knife. Ther e's blo od e ve ryw here. I'm layi ng o n th e bat hroom flo or i n s o mu ch p ain. I ca n ba re ly t y pe th is. | suicide |
Good night yall Could yall please leave something for me to look at in the morning | non-suicide |
Been a while since Ive posted but heres an update on my crush situation from a long time ago We have gone on ice skating dates and more movie dates and weve been to each others houses many times. My family (my dog included) loves her. I think her family likes me. The pandemic and shutdown had made us drift a little bit but were dating now. Im sorry for being inactive yall | non-suicide |
Everyone would be better off if i just diedI'm really sorry but things keep getting worse, The only reason im still alive is because of my mom but she barely cares either.My situation is only going to get worst and i don't have anything to live for. If i was dead everything would be better,i wouldn't have to wake up wishing that i was dead,No one would have to act like they ever cared about me, I wouldn't have to feel bad about my scars anymore everything would be perfect if i was gone...I really want to go but at the same time i really don't | suicide |
The Death of a Salesman-esqueI am in my mid-s. Husband, father, self-made and from a poor, broken home. A professional, mentor, friend. I grew up, and still am, willing to give the shirt off my back to anyone in need I run across. My siblings, mother, spouse see me as a success in light of where I came from. ...and I have battled depression and suicidal ideations for almost years. I am the head of a unit for work. High stress, demanding, but I have always been confident in meeting every objective. I have employees and my organization is profitable. Unfortunately, I have always been in a position where my healthcare is scrutinized by superior units. A damned if I receive behavioral health, damned if I don't, dilemma exists. For the last half year I have been unable to rid my mind of the desire to recluse, and die. As passive as that sounds, the urge is mostly active. What has me holding on is my family, but even that is slipping. Reading the thoughts and experiences of those who lost a loved one to suicide have helped, but their aid is as short lived as those moments of sunshine through the last half-year's clouds. I have told my spouse over the years of my thoughts, and very few others. Due to my position, and expectations in my profession, I dare not share these feelings with friends. With all of the problems that I continuously solve, with all the support and encouragement I give to others, I just can no longer help myself. | suicide |
year old girl about to be homelessI left an abusive household where my parents (especially my dad) sexually abused me for years. Around the time I turned , my dad would try to get me to sell my body to him in exchange for money. My last straw was hearing my parents talking about sending me off to the middle east and marrying me off. When I left, I had no money, no legal documents, no family and no friends. I've been living in a homeless shelter since November, and the staff told me they wouldn't kick me out until I found a place to stay, but things have changed and they're kicking me out on the th. I have section and for weeks after I applied for an apartment, the staff told me not to get a job and to focus on housing first. The apartment didn't work out and now I have no job and no housing. I did apply for another section apartment, but its a big maybe. I've told the people close to me that i'll be alright, but it's just me putting up a facade. I don't know what will happen to me. I have a friend who would be willing to let me crash, but I would only be able to stay for a couple of days because of his lease. Being out on the streets is scary, the amount of creepy comments/solicitation of prositution made towards me frightens me, and I'm not even on the streets right now. I don't have any family I can go to, and I don't have any close friends in the area either. I'm doing all I can, but I feel so scared. I don't know what to do, but I would rather kill myself than go back to my parents. | suicide |
My favorite color is blue My favorite color is blue. Thanks for noticing | non-suicide |
Making efforts or plans for the future seems pointless as I'm not going to live a happy life anywaysThere is a mental state I have lived in for years now that has entered the Unbreakable Stage recently. It's the "who cares, nothing I do will make me happy anyway" mental state. I have suffered it for a long time but it wasn't until very recently that it reached the next level. This condition used to be "my life will be imperfect, but maybe I should push forward anyways" but now it has evolved into "my life will never be happy and it is pointless to try anything". And it's not a joke. Considering recent events in my life, there is nothing that can make me happy or satisfied with my existence after this. From now on there is only either pain or death. | suicide |
Been thinking about killing myself all dayI thought I was finally moving along and getting better but two nights ago everything came back and hit me like a truck. My girlfriend and the love of my life left me because I was a real shit bag and I just want to end it. She won't listen to me and I could really use just talking to her. I know I don't deserve a second chance and I won't get one I just really wish she would let me speak to her so I can tell her how much I regret everything and how much I love her. I know for a fact she was the one for me and despite what everyone says about there being other people, I just don't want that. I've never felt so alone and destroyed before. I feel like despite telling the few friends I have about this, none can help or don't want to. They all seem stuck on the idea that I can get over this. I've always been known for being determined and not letting anything get in my way but I wish they'd all understand that it's no longer the case and that I'm defeated and too mentally exhausted to keep going. If I had access to a gun right now I think I would do it. | suicide |
I've lived a decade of wanting to die, but I'm getting tired of fighting.I feel in the quiet moments that I am teetering above an abyss of unknowable darkness and lack of possibility. The feeling seems indescribable most times. I roll to my side and see my husband sleeping beside me. I decide not to wake him. I know it will pass but I dont know for certain how many more of these teetering moments I can take and still survive. In these quiet moments of suicidality, the near-constant, crazed urge of wanting to die is finally allowed to sit in the amphitheater of my thoughts, alone in the center in a position of just existing and being acknowledged. It's like my life slows to a stop and nothing else matters besides the ever-present need to cease to exist. And it is ever present. I am happy most of the time, living a happy life with all I need to be joyful. It still lurks in the corner of my mind in the form of a void begging for my presence. I can be with friends and it beckons me to run the car off of the road on the way home. If I've had fun, its the voice in my head telling me to hit myself because I need to pay the toll. It is the autopilot that takes over and begins beating myself and wailing noises I didnt know I could make when I come to a conclusion that I cannot accept or understand. I love my life. I dont understand why I am like this. I feel so deeply sad sometimes that I just dont want to be here anymore. I've been to years of therapy. I have the most loving, supportive husband that the world could offer. I am grateful for what I have. I dont know what I'm looking for by sharing this. A sense of community perhaps? Some advice? I dont think I'm an immediate danger to myself or others. I just dont think this is is a sustainable life. | suicide |
I made an idiot of myself on the first day of workHey guys! I can imagine a lot of you reading all of these posts, so i'm gonna cut short to save you some time. I was at work today. Just finished school, and was looking for a job shortly after. I'm lucky I found it! It felt really good to get on with it. However, i failed on the first day. I missunderstood the assignment, and I *failed* the entrance exam. I'm going it again tomorrow - but I feel like shit now. I thought i was a good, and a smart person. Me failing was the complete opposite. I am nowhere near the person I want to be, and I have never really been. On top of that, I feel like everyone hates me. People tell me i have tons of friends, but none of them call me or talk to me unless i call them first. Pretty much the only thing I can feel good about is that I'm pretty good at making music. I hope that's my future. If I don't kill myself before then | suicide |
Please talk to someone verbally when you're in need, or join my discord support group serverHi, Just thought about making a support group on discord, please feel free to join, and come and talk to me or others that may or may not join. I swear on the cosmos to never judge you on your beliefs or actions, never say annoying bullshit stuff like "there there, chin up, everything will be fine" when I have no idea what I'm talking about, and will try to the best of my ability that others do the same. [ | suicide |
Ending it in the AM of tonight AMAJust as title says. | suicide |
Are you ambidextrous? "About percent of people are right-handed, says Corballis. The remaining percent are either left-handed or some degree of ambidextrous, though people with "true" ambidexterityi.e., no dominant hand at allonly make up about percentof the population." (Copied from google) I wonder how it feels to be ambidextrous lol | non-suicide |
I needed something to go rightI have a rough past. Everyone in my life from friends to lovers have left me. Im completely alone. In the past hours Ive self harmed more than ever. Im just done being disposable to everyone. Why be here if no one wants me? | suicide |
Alright so Im screwed... Highschool freshman here, been straight for years and now Im thinking a tiny little side of me is BI, never jacked off to a guy or anything like that but some of the more feminine dudes in my school are seeming like a viable option. Bad news is my traditional mom told me to stay away from her if Im gay. Her boyfriend is the cherry on top, telling me that schools telling kids its ok to be gay is hitler like... So, Ill wish to stay on the XX side when it stays to dating, and hope Ill smutch that bi side of me out, wish me luck. | non-suicide |
I am not done yet, imma unflush the toilet S U F F E R | non-suicide |
too difficultits too scary once the belt is around my neck, i just cant go through with it. i dont have a gun or anything and dont have anything to OD on. even when i do go through with hanging, it never seems to work (i get my feet onto something or pull myself out of the belt loop) i cant do it. ive given up on ways to end it and now im just miserable and sleep all day | suicide |
I just don't know what to doI feel so lonely. I can't find the motivation to study for my exams (which I desperately need to do) because I'm stuck in the same routine of doing a set list of things that keep me occupied long enough that I don't kill myself. The worst part is that my life isn't bad enough to warrant these feelings, I live a fairly average life with a stable home etc. unlike many people on here, but I don't even feel sad, just not connected the world and people around me. I've never had a partner, although I want to I don't seem to have the motivation to find a relationship. My parents constantly remind me of this fact and I don't know how to explain to them my difficulty in finding a relationship. Moreover I (stupidly) fell in love with my best friend who I know will never reciprocate that love. My future is completely uncertain because even if I could motivate myself to study then the chances are I'd end up at university (which I think would make me happy in the short term) with insurmountable debt and no guaranteed job. If I don't complete my studies then I'll certainly end up in a dead end job and I have the potential to lose the friends I do have. Although my current friends are all really nice to me I don't always get invited to things because I'm quite reserved and probably don't add much to the conversations they have, why would they keep inviting someone who has nothing to contribute? I also feel as though I have been left behind in terms of the fact that all of my friends are in long term, happy relationships and I'm being held back from achieving a relationship by my love of my best friend and my lack of confidence. I'm sorry for the wall of text. TL;DR I'm not all that sad or unhappy, I just feel that life isn't worth living because nothing makes me happy. | suicide |
I really wish to be dead nowWith the pandemic ruining everyone's routine and economically tho that still doesn't concern me yet. I've come to a point where I started developing major depression and I can't take it anymore. Now I know what are you going to say "go see a therapist" or "take medical treatment" but honestly all I see is a temporary solution. It's almost like taking a dose of cocaine to forget that you even exist at the first place. If anything, the possibility of me killing myself is q | suicide |
If your dick made a sound everytime you ejaculated what would it be? This is only here so the post won't be removed | non-suicide |
An intressting title Today I went to the beach and when we went shopping after u stayed on the car and I felt like I could have burned alive it was so hot. Anyway how was your day? | non-suicide |
I think that Ive come out to my mom as bi? So.. we had a casual conversation while watching TV and she asked me if I would kiss/ sleep with (I know weird, but bare with me) a guy or a girl. I told her both. Then she asked me again (probably to reassure) and I told her both again. Then there was like seconds of silence. She had told me not to tell about this to anyone (that I like guys and girls) because they may bully me (note: Im a cm tall popular guy). Ive already told a few friends that I trust about this and theyve accepted it just fine. Plus I wouldnt tell this to everyone in the first place. Yay for coming out I guess... | non-suicide |
I don't deserve this life I was given.I hate myself. I don't want to die because of the pain it would cause my family but I hurt my family anyway. I lost my mother when I was young and my Dad did his damn best to raise me well. He gave me the world. He means the world to me and I love so much. All I want to do is make him proud but I'm a failure. If continuing to live will lead to me constantly hurting and disappointing my Dad then I'd rather die. But killing myself would also hurt him. I can't leave him alone after my Mum died but I can't stand this. I want this to end. I want to make my Dad smile but I'm too stupid to be the son he wants me to be. But I can't stand seeing him disappointed and hurt. Why am I so USELESS. I don't even know why I'm typing this. I just want this to end. I want to be happy. | suicide |
Gonna hang myself soon... I hopeHi, I'm and female, and I tried committing suicide weeks ago (by stabbing), and just seeing how nothing changed, nobody cared (all my brother could say is "I will never understand your pain and can't help you, but I hope you'll somehow continue on") and how nobody helped me... Even though I was in a mental hospital (they didn't do jackshit) and I told my therapist and my psychiatrist, which didn't amount to anything either, I think I've come to the point where I really want it. I'm even taking meds and they don't do ANYthing about my depression, though they do help me sleep, yay... I already know in advance that my life will be a complete failure in the future and that I'll fail in every way possible, I'll never find a job, I'll never find friends and will never ever ever find love. So now I'm thinking of buying a nylon rope on amazon, but it sucks that I have to wait for it and can't try it immediately... Just wanted to tell someone that I'm gone soon or at least I'll try. What I hate the most about being suicidal is how taboo it is, you can't talk to anyone about it openly, whether its a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist or god forbid a normal person. Nobody even tries to understand that it really might be too much for you and that it maybe is the only way out, they always automatically side against it without even like really discussing it at all, which just makes it worse in my opinion... | suicide |
I cant do this anymore...It hurts too much. Too many people have hurt me. There is no light; only darkness. This is the end. | suicide |
It's : am I'm just about to go to sleep so dm some cool things for me to wake up to Goodnight everyone! :) | non-suicide |
alright so in the shower I thought of a hypothetical question and decided to share it here assume youre in a room, you know that someone else is in the room next to you, but you have no way to communicate with him. a moderator walks into the room, he explains that you and the guy next to you have both won million between you, and it is up to you to decide how to split the money the moderator gives you options on how to split the money (the person in the next room will have no clue how you decided to split the money. he will just receive the money he receives and be none the wiser. he will probay assume you split it evenly and there is no way to communicate with him afterwards) A) to you and million to him B) million to you and million to him C) mil to you and mil to him D) mil to you and mil to him E) mil to you and to him which option are you picking? there's no right or wrong answer, I just want to hear your lots' input and see how it differs from mine and my mates'. | non-suicide |
Shut your mouth you mediocre clarinet player Shut Your Mouth You Mediocre Clatinet Player | non-suicide |
Past episodes, things better, but still tipsy. Seeking experience/advice.So I've had the thoughts from time to time, I only ever made a plan once but thankfully an internet friend talked me through it, and let me release so much held pain. I should of sought professional help then, but as I feel myself teetering recently I just would like to get some advice on a type of psychiatrist, what I should expect with prices, if insurance is truly required, etc. I finally came over one big hurdle that was destroying me, and finally came out gay to my parents(well one parent, not sure if they told the other yet) and a cousin who was blown away, but quite loving in their response. I'm and single. Mostly I would like to know what a session might run me. I don't have insurance (cheapest I could find was $ a month and that just isn't happening at my current job). So has anyone else went the cash route? Is it feasible? Thanks for you time. | suicide |
I just wanna know hoe to get my hands on some heliumI have it all planned out like its just another day. I could disappear for days and no one would report me missing. It would take days to find me and people would likely stumble upon the location by accident. Theres no way to fail. But I cant get my hands on the god damn helium. months of wishing I had the guts to do it and weeks of wishing I had the means. I fucking hate life. | suicide |
My fish died by drowning :( My fish drowned yesterday Im speechless | non-suicide |
What did Jefree Star do wrong why do people hate him now What did Jeffree Star do wrong why do people hate him now | non-suicide |
I just want I just want a gently dommy mommy thicc goth gf to hold me in her hands and tell me that I'm gonna be here's forever Also I'm just some dude | non-suicide |
I am going to share a controversal opinion and fight to death anyone who disagrees with me oof ouchie pain bad | non-suicide |
I finally got a skirt! So I finally gathered enough courage to ask my mom to go shopping. Now, she was a bit confused cause I never want to go shopping, but she agreed to drive me there. When we got in I directed her towards ladies section and immediately noticed this wonderful skirt. I take it off the rack, and my mom is like, *wtf is my son doing*, but then I say that Im done, so we go check out. My mom has this horrific expression the whole time, but never tried to stop me. When I got home I immediately put it on and it looks fabulous! When I woke up I thought, *at least I can be a femboy in my dreams* | non-suicide |
Im a stupid screw up idiotHi so this is like a vent of my emotions rn so idk Read if u want I guess, cant really change it Im on online class right now. All Honors classes and I am currently failing every single class. Not only that but Im in my sophomore year where every grade goes on your permanent record, the thing that jobs look at to decide whether they should hire u. I really am a fucking screw up if Im the only one in my family of brothers and sister who is failing. One of them is in the grade above me. And hes got straight As and Bs in the same classes. Today my mom said I never ask for anything and have good grades right now so shes letting me have privileges that my brothers dont. Not to mention, my birthday in days. So my brain just says why try if your already failing, its too late, its already almost the end of the semester. And I am currently crying while writing how useless I am in a notebook and on here so... this is probably not helping but idk. Dont know what this accomplishing. Dont know why Im doing this. Dont know why Im here on earth. | suicide |
I want to kill myself, because I'm an idiotSeriously, I fuck up at work a lot (I'm surprised I haven't been fired yet) and I fuck up in everyday life. I just fuck up left and right, so surely I'd be doing the world a service by offing myself, right? | suicide |
A Christian pick up line The word says Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry how about dinner? | non-suicide |
You ever sit there and wonder All this evolution for me to be staring at a screen and being called an incel | non-suicide |
I want to end my life. Please, somebody help me.I tried to live so hard, but every minute I feel like I'm drowning.- just plain painful and helpless. I feel like I'm the most useless thing in the world, and just not worthy enough to live. I'm just tired of everything, and I can't bear living anymore. I'm not exactly someone who deserves to live. My life's a mess, and I feel like everything is falling apart, no matter how hard I try to put it together. Today, I put a knife in front of my heart, but I couldn't bring myself to push it further in because I couldn't bring my few loved ones to face my death. I cried so hard after that. Why am I just dragging this miserable life on when I can just end it within minutes? I wouldn't have to suffer, and world would have one less horrible thing to sustain. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Please, somebody help me. | suicide |
I have lost.I posted this on r/Depression but this seems the better place to post it. Depression has beaten me. I've been struggling for years or so to varying degrees and I am too emotionally tired to fight it any more; it's impossibly tough. I'm at the weird calm point I've only heard about or read about. I'm not upset, angry, sad, annoyed. There's still no emotion, except the confidence in my intentions. No one will miss me, no one will care. Everyone will be better off not having to remember I exist at all. I know what I am going to do, so it's only a matter of hours till I'm dead, and deservedly so. I'm a lazy, forgetful, selfish piece of shit and don't deserve the time of day from anyone at all. I'm not looking out for a reply of any kind, just wanted to let the last of my thoughts out. | suicide |
You know when you dont want to die but also could care lessIm not suicidal , like Im not gonna do anything but every day is exactly the same. Im , going no where. Im just a loser no matter how much I try I just can not succeed. I just want to take a bottle of klonopin and go to sleep for a few days and do it over and over and over again. Im getting to the point of just not even trying. Not to be that person but I have no friends, I have a decent family but still . I feel like a loser, I dont think Im ugly or anything, Im confident with my appearance. I dont know yall but I just dont know how long I can keep going on trying but never succeeding when I was I tried to kill myself and ended up in a month treatment center which yes wise hopeful at the time and sense I havent had any issues , never needed therapy no medications. For the last months Ive been on Lexapro and therapy(once a week) but still, I cant not just be happy. I wake up at am everyday , I only get like hours of sleep. Its just ridiculous. I eat healthy, I go on runs . I do everything that you are supposed to when you are having a rough time but its been months of this bs and I just feel worse everyday. | suicide |
Is there real help?I sorta need some real face to face help here. I have a small bag packed with no real place to go. I'm pretty sure I just left a relationship that I was in since I was . I'm . This is no bullshit. I am a really lost soul who is beyond heartbroken. North cincinnati area. Just want to try to live before the reality of my actions take control of me. I'm not sure what else to do. I sorta just want to get drunk but I don't think staying in my car to do that is a good ideA. I'm in the parking lot of a doctors appoiment that I have in minutes trying not to act like this isn't real. I feel like I was smacked in the face with a x. I want to throw up and run away. I just ..well I don't know anymore. Is there someone that van maybe get me at least through the night? Thanks for any consideration. | suicide |
So everything is fine and shes okay Check my last post if youre confused and ask questions if youre interested | non-suicide |
If the matrix is true, Then you are either living in the present or years ahead in the future. Sorry for the low effort post but think of it. | non-suicide |
If I could leave this world for a better one, I would in a heartbeat.I sometimes hope that there's a Heaven, even though I'm not religious. I just hope that there's something better. I know there's not, though. I just fucking hate so many things. I'm so sick and tired of the cruelty and neglect and all the suffering. I'm tired of people, I'm tired of the world. I'm tired of my brain. I'm honestly really overwhelmed right now and I just really need to talk with someone. | suicide |
COOL BRITISH FACT it sucks and i hate it a lot screw you british people | non-suicide |
I want to dieLife is exhausting, tedious, draining, unenjoyable, has no value or meaning, has no impact and is full of pain and discomfort. Why should I have to go on, why does no one help in a meaningful way? Is it because it's impossible to rectify these truths, I'd be better off if I didnt have to force myself to go throughte effort of living day to day and getting told to fuck off and do things when I clearly don't want to. Also Reddit is full of cunts. | suicide |
Suicide hotline wont work. This is my last resort.Ive been trying to call the hotline since am but it seems like theyre offline. Which they also announced on their site that due to the current situation it might affect the operations of the hotline. In my previous post, I mentioned not being able to visit my psychiatrist for months due to financial problems. Pro-bono and alternative medication is also very limited where I live. At this point I feel like giving up, Im mentally and physically exhausted and I want to rest. | suicide |
My Suicide StoryI am years old and in th grade and I am a suicide survivor. The first time I tried killing myself was in th grade when my ex girlfriend of one month tried to overdose on her sleeping medication. I tried to stab myself in the throat with a knife. I remember I was disappointed in myself that I didn't succeed and I remember thinking that I couldn't even do that right. I never cut myself with the main reason being scared of sharp objects near my wrists or arms. My ex girlfriend was suicidal as well and she sent me pictures of her slitting her wrists. I didn't have a history of mental illness (I don't have any mental illnesses of any sort) I lost friends from suicide (some I knew in real life and some were online) I remember putting a chair in front of my door and wrote my suicide note and out it on my desk. I have it with me at the moment and I'm going to type out what it said: "Dear friends and family, I'm sorry for doing what I did and I know you hate me for doing it. The reason why I did this wasn't because of you. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life and I felt like I would be better off ending it. Tell each and every one of my friends that I love them and care for them and I wouldn't want them to go down the same path I went down. I love you so much. I'm sorry. Goodbye." I am doing better now and completely out of that depressed mindset. I am so lucky to have such supportive and loving friends. If any of you reading this have suicidal thoughts or planning to kill yourself, I am completely free to text and I am % there for you. Thank you for reading this :)) | suicide |
Fuck yeah methylphenidate I love it you love it we all love methylphenidate | non-suicide |
Feels like I'm losing my mindSome time around december, I started getting depressed. I was doing super well in life, and then suddenly my progress paused and I just sort of fell into this. I started feeling sad, anxious, the whole works. Then my life started back up again, and great things happened in my life, but I'm only getting more anxious and depressed as it happens and that's affecting what's happening in my life. I got accepted into a prestigious and exclusive improv comedy group, but as I feel like I'm spiralling out of control, I can't perform anymore and I feel like I'm a burden and the group regrets accepting me. My schoolwork is getting affected and my grades are dropping because my mind is always elsewhere. Worst of all, I just can't seem to talk to people anymore and I feel like all the people/friends I have, new and old, see me as some sort of freak right now because I'm really struggling to talk and be social. My mind is just constantly racing and miserable, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't think I could ever commit suicide, but I certainly have started thinking about it a decent amount and that scares me, because I don't want to think about it, and I'm afraid I might actually consider it if my life continues in its current direction. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks | suicide |
Now It's My Turn To Leave.For once, before I go, I wanted to be true. I was always described as too much. So much so that even the kindest, most understanding man that I can be with gave up on me. And I don't blame him. I made him miserable. I self-sabotaged and now our wonderful relationship is almost ruined. And it's all my fault. Looking at the city lights in front of me, in this building's rooftop, I realized how life would be unbearable without him in it. And I cannot fathom a day without him. I went and fought to live because of him. Because of a future that I wanted with him. I changed so much because of him. And for a while I was good. I loved myself around him. Calm, happy, contented. But my underlying traumas and manipulative tendencies pushed him to the edge until he cant breathe. And I cannot forgive myself for what I did. The only man who will ever, truly love me asked to stay away from me because I am hurting him. I couldn't be so low. I deserve this. For all the pain and hatred that I inflicted to all my loved ones, let me, with this small gesture, make things right. Please let me make this right. For john, who I loved the most in my life, I know you won't ever read this or will be able to read this. But I want to thank you for every single thing you did for me. For accepting and loving me as long as you possibly can, even if it hurts so much on your part. I love you, I appreciate you, and thank you for spending your precious time with me. I want you to be happy. It's not your fault. For my sister and everyone else, It's also not your fault. I love you more than words can ever say. Thank you for tolerating me and I'm sorry for the burden. I want to see the sunrise today. They say you treasure something the most if you know it might be the last time you'll ever experience it. I pray for you all to have a Life that is so so beautiful. I hope mine's next will be the same. thank you for reading. | suicide |
can someone hold me accountable to not diemy lifes been destroyed but some hopeful strand still wants to be here. this is the rd year after my friend committed suicide. im finally older than they were when they died. i think i attempted suicide on the th or th after. i thought i was good and kind once. i want to be good and kind again. i want to be worthy of loving | suicide |
For those that smoke weed, What do you roll up in? i use backwoods | non-suicide |
I dont want to sleepIm up late and my chest hurts but I dont want to sleep because I keep having dreams of the things that make me suicidal. It has me waking up crying. I then have no motivation to get up and start the day. I really wish I could just stay asleep forever. | suicide |
I got a Amber Heard joke for u guys Amber Heard lying about johnny Depps Abuse was the Best acting she ever did | non-suicide |
I'm going to kill myself. I've made up my mind.After much thought. I've decided that I will kill myself. I don't think anything can change my mind. I could care less about ending my suffering. It's not about that. I want death. That's all I wish for myself, an early death by suicide. The aftermath of my suicide is probably going to be the funniest thing ever. I'd love to see my families' crying faces after they lower me down. I'd laugh in their faces. Because they have to live the rest of their life scarred by my passing while I can just rest. My farewell present I'll give to my family is eternal PTSD. | suicide |
What is IN right now? What does a teen REALLY want? Lame phrasing, I know. (Wait.. is it lame to say lame now? I was bad at keeping up with teens even when I was a teen). Before last Christmas there was news about Shane Dawson and Jeffree Star "breaking the internet" with their makeup palettes. I watched some of the videos and thought the makeup seemed good. Took a chance and got the palettes for my teenage nieces and their faces LIT UP when they opened them. It felt so good. Sooo... this year I don't have some random article popping up to say what the biggest trend and sought after product is right now. So, what say you? | non-suicide |
I found a new way to stop gays "Joke" you can't have a dick and eat it too.   This is a joke, please do not get mad at me. | non-suicide |
I've been trying to asphyxiate myself all morning before work.But I'm too goddamn scared, every time I start to lose consciousness my body panics and I stand up straight. I can't do this. I can't work every fucking day for my entire life. I don't want to do it now or ever. I just want to fucking end it. So why can't I just end it? | suicide |
I can't take any more holidays or birthdays or weekends or weekdays aloneI am not going to spend another day alone. I deserve to be with a loved one. I am worthy of love. If I can't have that, then I'm just ending it. I tried, I gave it time and I gave it every chance. Now I'm done. | suicide |
My dreams are over. I can't see how my life is going to get better, end of the line for me.I applied for a scholarship to study Biology at a university in Japan and I just got the heart-crushing news that I failed the interview and won't be getting the scholarship. I can't try for it again next year because it has an age limit. I was really banking on this scholarship. To me, it was a ray of light and it was the only thing I was looking forward to in my life. To have that purpose, and that hope be taken away is beyond gutting. Now I don't know what to do with my life. I have a degree in interior design from a local university, but I absolutely fucking hated it. I only studied it because of my father's behest, so I just went along with it, and it was too late when I realised that I didn't like it at all. So now the only jobs I can get is as an interior designer, but I'd rather jump off a cliff than have to work as one, and have deal with that again. I can't study locally again and pursue what I like, because we can't afford it anymore. This was why I really wanted to get that scholarship. I spent months reading up about it and preparing for it, and in the end I get nothing. It was supposed to be my ticket to a new life, the life I was going to be happy to live. Now I don't even have that. I don't know how I can go on. I don't want to live the rest of my life at a job I'm going to absolutely dread, and with a failed dream always at the back of my mind. I don't think I'm going to like how my life is going to pan out, and if my failure at the scholarship is any indication of how I'll never be good enough, I don't think I want to live long enough to just experience failure and rejection over and over and over again. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't want to even think about the future. All my friends are already applying for jobs or have started working, and whenever I see them post about it, I just get more depressed as fuck. I just don't want any of this anymore. | suicide |
The clothes I thought were in the dryer arent in the dryer Someone in house pls talk to me so I dont do interaction with a human | non-suicide |
You know what pisses me off the most about ending my life?....That I can almost guarantee that the people who made sure I got to this level of depression are going to milk it and make it all about them. Like, there is no doubt in my mind that they will be the first ones looking for sympathy and attention over losing "such a close friend and colleague" despite being absolutely hellbent on bullying me into nothing for the past year. | suicide |
Guess whos back,back again?I said I really didnt want to kill myself,still dont, but I see no other way.Im in a corner.I do think about it alot. I could post a longer story of how I got to this point but for now. Ill let it be short. | suicide |
Is it me or is u/mBigozz a we bit weird Is he? | non-suicide |
Gotta love Aussie gun lawsOr i'd have shot myself already, best I can do is be a disappointment to my family, and burn myself. But beggars can't be choosers | suicide |
Im sorryIve decided to commit suicide and I have a plan and time and when I decided it was like a weight had been lifted off my chest - Im kinda excited to so that finally the loved ones Ive hurt can move on and be the successful people I know they can be. Im wanting my death to be their chance at a happier life one without a fucked up friend whos mental health issues have caused heartache and pain. So that my family no longer has to constantly worry about me. I love them all dearly and I hope they move on quickly. | suicide |
Im straight and reacted the the SISTER QUEEEN! I have been making more reaction videos because my subs say im kinda funny and with the hard times im in finically the only escape to this stress is making content for my YouTube. I Wouldn't share this if I didnt think someone would enjoy so I really hope you do! [ | non-suicide |
How to live to + My great grandfather's advice: Keep breathing, eating, and drinking, you'll not die so soon. | non-suicide |
How to safely break up with a suicidal partner?My girlfriend and I have been dating for years, and in that time she has made two suicide attempts where I had to be the one to call the police or, in one case, wrestle a knife out of her grasp. She has also seemingly weaponized self-harm against me, cutting herself whenever we have even small arguments despite my best efforts to stop her. She's being treated for depression and anxiety currently, taking several medications. Our relationship I thought was pretty good until it came out she has been cheating on me. That was an argument that led to attempt #. I was willing to try and move past it, but my reasonable requests (such as blocking contact with the guy she cheated with and avoiding being in groups with him) were met with more arguments and get self-harming. This was the eye opener because she actually blamed me that time for her cutting herself, saying I brought up the fact that she lied about blocking the guy "too late at night" for her to handle. At this point I'm pretty much done with the relationship, but I don't want her to be in a dangerous position after I break the news to her. It may be crazy, but I still care for her and don't want to see her end up dead or further mutilating herself on account of me breaking up with her. I've considered scheduling an appointment with a psychologist for "couples therapy" for the two of us and telling her there, but I don't know that any psychologist would agree to that kind of meeting if they knew I just wanted to use it to break up (potentially big liability on their part if she did do something after leaving the appointment). I also have considered calling the police for a wellness check on her once I'm done, but I don't want her to be able to claim I'm harassing her and go after me after the break up if she wasn't doing anything when the police arrived. Of the two I'm leaning towards the wellness check option, but if there's a better way I'm all ears. I just want to be out of the relationship while making sure she's still safe. | suicide |
People who have glasses Do you look better with or without them? I think I look better with them | non-suicide |
Ive been feeling suicidal.For the past months, ive been treated like shit by my mother and my brothers. I've recently tried to get away from them, but mom locked the door, thinking i was going to run away from them, which was my intention. What happens next? I get in my room, see them laugh and call me a faggot, and proceed to go. My parents are muslim (i am not) and they keep telling me Satan has taken over you, and right now, i can hear my little brother telling me; you just made a devil, you should take him away to Somalia, which are where my parents are from. Ive been suicidal now. Been thinking of killing myself and stop living. Why should i live, when i can kill myself and not be a nuisance? I've also been thinking of going to my aunties house and living there instead. My dad is coming in minutes, i am probably going to get yellled at and then hit me with a shoe, which hurts immensly. Why do i live? Why am i born in a familiy which literally wants me dead? Please help me. | suicide |
I have nothing to live for but suicide is scary, difficult and painfulI've been in the hospital many times for drug overdoses, with one particular attempt fucking up the nerves in my legs for days. I've stood at the top of tall buildings unable to jump. The next attempt will definitely be hanging. I honestly have nothing to live for. F I live with my narc dad and I hate him. Life here is unbearable for many reasons. Was bullied throughout growing up which led me to be mentally ill. (Social Anxiety, Body Dysmorphia, Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder) As such I'm too mentally ill to get a job to try and save up and move out because no one will be willing to hire a train wreck like me plus I have experience. Too mentally ill to go to uni and study and even if I did I'd still end up at this hellish place every summer. I have no friends and no relationship experience thanks to my mental illnesses and spend % of my time alone. Even when I had friends they saw me as a burden and never wanted to go out anywhere with me. Because of my age and the fact I'm not in education the chance of me realistically making friends are slim to none so I get to enjoy a life filled with loneliness. I hate my body and my face (want/need surgery that I can't afford for above reasons) and think I'm too ugly to be seen in strong lighting so I never go out during the day. I only go out late into the night. Can't remember the last time I went outside when the sun was shining. Pretty sure I have a severe vitamin D deficiency. No matter what time I go to bed I always fall asleep at am due to stress and anxiety. When I manage to get up I realise that I have no reason to get out of bed so I'll just stay there all day despite having alarms to keep me from sleeping. I'm burnt out, fed up and tired and most importantly **I don't want to try anymore**, so I'm just waiting for something to push me over the edge at this point. | suicide |
TiredIt's been two months since my beloved's death. Even being in loud noisy crowds doesn't help. Talking to people doesn't help. I want to do anything; jump, OD, hang, slit my wrist. Yet even when I'm drunk I can't. Why? My best friend, my one and only is gone. Anywhere I go in the world, I don't feel safe. Every friend reminds me of him. How do I carry on with such pain? | suicide |
Mario have some weird fetish I mean come on if Browser actually kidnapped a princess wouldn't Mushroom Kingdom supposed to send an army or something | non-suicide |
what the fu- Why is everyone giving awards to ads? like bruuuuuh i just seen an ad with . awards, wtf is wrong with ppl | non-suicide |
PercocetWould an overdose to Percocet be like falling asleep forever? | suicide |
Posting till I get a girlfriend day Look up space movie made in . XD | non-suicide |
I miss hazelnut m&ms :( Those were my favorite thing ever, but I havent seen them in so long :( | non-suicide |
I was so ready So. I booked a hotel room and I intended to end my life on New Year's Eve, which is... today, where I live. I had intended to do it right about now actually. I have not even felt that bad in the last week leading up to this day but I kept telling myself it's going to get worse anyway, so I should just stick to my plan and end the pain once and for all. There's a certain pattern in these depressive cycles and I know that every time I manage to come out the other side of it, it keeps coming back. It always does. I have been feeling this way for years. So I really don't think it's going to get better. There are okay days, bad days, then *very bad* days, and on these very bad days I always regret not going through with any prior plan I had to end my life. I had been feeling so bad the entire of December. I still don't feel great, but not bad enough to want to end myself right now. It's funny how I spent the week before this writing out my final note, and another letter to my best friend on the things I would need her help in to wrap up loose ends, with all of my passwords, bank details etc. I cleared out some of my things at work. I thought I was so ready to go. But then the last few days I suddenly felt like damn, there are still some things I would like to stick around for. Shows coming out in I want to watch, albums coming out that I still want to listen to. I haven't even managed to clean my room yet. Maybe it's not time to go? So now, here I am alone in the hotel room at am. Feeling okay, for the most part. I think I'm going to live again, this time. Even though I also know I'm going to regret it again the next time I feel super bad. I don't really know what to do about this. Does it ever stop hurting? When will it stop? I want to know that this is going to be worth it. I want so bad to win this, but what is there even to win? I am so tired. | suicide |
why is /new so weird all of a sudden like what happened lmao fillefileifislifoelodifldlfiofidielfido | non-suicide |
Please don't think that it's sweet I stay with the heat even tho I'm a sad boy | non-suicide |
Im so tired.I really cant live like this anymore...I have no friends, literally NONE and my family is so controlling its driving me insane, Id go out with them and look at other people with envy... they laugh, talk, walk around so happily, do whatever they wanted and i just want that. I really have no idea why Im here, I dont really want to exist so why was i born in the first place? I always get treated like a pushover and i truly believe that no one cares about me or how Im doing. I really want to end this but Im such a coward....I dont have anyone to talk to or vent to about anything so everything is just bottled up and I cant take it anymore. | suicide |
Raising money for a funeralIf you can take time out of your day to check out our gofundme page for Harold Franklin that would be very appreciated by his family [Gofundme link ](gf.me/u/rrvtun) | suicide |
If I were on jeopardy... I wouldnt be worried about winning or getting the questions right I would be fucking terrified of having to come up with an interesting story to share before double jeopardy. | non-suicide |
I can't handle it anymoreI feel so empty and lonely. All my friends have either moved away or are too busy. I haven't really talked to anyone in months. I've tried to make new friends but my attempts never work or I end up getting hurt. I always end up in this place. My life improves but then suddenly I have a major breakdown and have to start from the very begining. I always end up feeling alone and abandoned. I don't want to go through this anymore. Even after I started to reach out and get profesional help I'm back in this place. I've recently taken to SH. I first started slamming my head against the wall whenever I felt overwhelmed a few months ago. Recently I started cutting and its the only thing I want to do and the only thing on my mind until I'm ready to take my life. It makes me feel so disgusted and ashamed with myself but I don't have the motivation for anything else anymore. I know I deserve to feel the way I do. I have no reedeming qualities. I'm not even sure why I think I deserve to have any friends. I have no self-esteem. No one should ever want to talk to someone who has the ugly psychotic sobbing episodes like I do. I already said goodbye. I don't want to face the humiliation of not actually going through with it.  I don't think I want to talk. I might not even look at this account ever again since I'll just feel embarrased. | suicide |
What triggered your thoughts?For me it feels like I have no reason to be sad. It's as if my mind clings to every opportunity to produce negative views. No matter how much positivity I try to bring to my life, I just don't get any real feeling out of it and I don't understand why. Opinions? | suicide |
Can you guys sacrifice minutes of your time to make me feel better? (X post from /r/offmychest)This is going to sound pathetic but can you guys upload a sound recording anywhere that says "Stay strong Razi" "It'll pass Razi" or anything that would make me feel better. I feel suicidal and I am scared because I almost jumped five minutes ago | suicide |
I dont think Im gonna make it to I turned recently, which is already a lot older than I feel. But, I just can picture myself as an adult, or even a teenager. I honestly dont think I will even make it to years old. Life is already crap and I cant do anything at all, its just going to get worse as I get older, and get more responsibility. | suicide |
Enough PillsI'm a recovering sleeping pill addict, and I kept some around. I was going through some of my stuff, trying to figure out what I should sell (different story), when I found them and an old bottle of my depression pills. There's enough of both, as well as ibuprofen, for me to finally leave this place. The only problem is that last time I tried the same way and I failed. What if I wake up again and have to hear from everyone how selfish and stupid I am all over? How can I ensure it'll work? | suicide |
Being a side character Is it just me or does anyone else feel like there just a side character in some else's life? | non-suicide |
Why do feel this urge to grow up? I dont why but I'm just like in panic mode tonight about it. I dont know whether I should save up for a fun thing or get my motorcycle license and a motorcycle. I'm kind of panicking cause what if I make the wrong choice and I never get around to the other thing? I dont know what I'm doing. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. | non-suicide |
I just don't want to be here anymoreIt really is that simple. | suicide |
Who wants silver? I just bought some coins and Im interested in seeing how much awarder karma giving silver gives you. First comment gets silver | non-suicide |
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Dataset Card for "vibhorag101/suicide_prediction_dataset_phr"
- The dataset is sourced from Reddit and is available on Kaggle.
- The dataset contains text with binary labels for suicide or non-suicide.
- The dataset was cleaned minimally, as BERT depends on contextually sensitive information, which can worsely effect its performance.
- Removed numbers
- Removed URLs, Emojis, and accented characters.
- Remove any extra white spaces and any extra spaces after a single space.
- Removed any consecutive characters repeated more than 3 times.
- The rows with more than 512 BERT Tokens were removed, as they exceeded BERT's max token limit.
- The cleaned dataset can be found here
- The evaluation set had ~33k samples, while the training set had ~153k samples, i.e., a 70:15:15 (train:test:val) split.
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Models trained or fine-tuned on vibhorag101/phr_suicide_prediction_dataset_clean_light