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int64
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int64
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episode no.
int64
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1.11k
459
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Looks like scary Terry's having a nightmare.
460
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Oh, boy, Rick. I can only imagine what horrible things must, you know scare Scary Terry.
461
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
Oh, no! I'm late to class, bitch! Oh, no! I'm not wearing any pants!
463
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
Oh, uh, um ... "Bitch."
465
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Yeah, this is a bunch of bullcrap. Who cares what stupid pun you make when you kill someone? Why don't you let the poor guy say whatever he wants?
467
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
You're putting too much pressure on yourself, scary Terry. You know, I mean, y-you're perfectly scary enough as it is.
468
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Hey, yo, scary T., don't even trip about your pants dawg. Here's a pair on us, fool.
469
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
Aww, bitch. I don't know what to say.
470
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
You don't need to say anything. We got you, dawg.
471
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip.
472
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
Oh, hey, it's you guys!
474
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
If you guys ever need anything, just say the word.
475
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with.
477
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
I always hated that song!
478
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
These halves don't belong together, bitch!
479
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
Sex is sacred!
480
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Scary Terry
This is because you don't give Morty Smith good grades, bitch!
481
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Mr. Goldenfold
Holy crap! God damn! I know one thing for sure I'm giving Morty an "A" in math, and that's my idea. That is an original thought.
482
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
What the hell?
483
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty?
484
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Oh, man, what's going on?
485
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty.
486
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Jerry
I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart.
487
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Summer
This is why I choose to get C's.
488
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer.
489
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
- Dad! - Rick!
490
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over.
491
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Jerry
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere. This is my house. I'm not abandoning it.
492
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
It's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?
493
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Jerry
Wait a minute. I have an idea. Gentlemen, a moment of your time. See that? I'm peeing all over your special guns. That means I own them.
494
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Snuffles
Bad person. Bad.
495
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Ooh, great plan, Jerry.
496
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Snuffles
Bring the boy to me. You were always kind to me, Morty. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side.
497
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Th-thanks, snuffles.
498
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Snuffles
Begin phase two.
502
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead!
503
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon.
504
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
What?
505
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream.
506
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
But I-it's been like a whole year!
507
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie.
508
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants.
509
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth.
510
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Aw, man, geez! Seriously?
511
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these.
512
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something?
513
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.
514
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
What?!
515
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
It's necessary for the plan, Morty. Don't even trip, dawg.
517
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Snuffles
Anything. Anything for my precious Morty.
519
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Snuffles
To hell with my kingdom, bean counter. I would trade it all for my human's health and happiness.
521
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Snuffles
We are not them! We are not them.
522
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Snuffles
Taking over the human's world will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty. Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs, one that will not make the same mistakes as humanity and one where pet insurance will be mandatory.
523
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
I'm gonna miss you, snowball.
524
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Snuffles
You can call me snuffles, Morty, and I'm going to miss you, too, very much.
525
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Beth
Jerry?
526
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Jerry
I'm sorry. It's just like the end of "Old Yeller.
527
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Beth
Oh, Jerry. You mean because it had dogs in it.
528
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like, Rick.
529
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven.
530
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Morty
You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick.
531
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
What do you know, Morty? What do you know?
533
1
2
Lawnmower Dog
Rick
Oooh! This is how you dream, bitch.
534
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Principal Vagina
Principal Vagina here, don't let the name fool you, I'm very much in charge, reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don't know how many times I have to say this but if you have the flu, stay home, the flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. You don't bring dead babies to Passover.
536
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Ohhh. Okay, here we go. H-Heyy Jessica, ughh.
537
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Jessica
What's up Morty?
538
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Ugghh
539
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Brad
What are you doing?
540
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Ummm
541
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Brad
Wait, wait, Were you about to talk... to her?
542
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Well, I mean, I was thinking about it.
543
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Brad
Dude, Stay in your league! Look at how hot she is! You don't see me going to a bigger school, in a wealthier district and hittin' on their prettiest girl!
544
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Jessica
Gee, thanks, Brad.
545
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Brad
I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager.
546
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Jerry
Eh, Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape.
547
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls, I want Jessica!
548
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Jerry
Ahhh, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought...
549
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me.
550
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Jerry
I beg your pardon, Rick, INAPPROPRIATE.
551
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread.
552
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Jerry
My marriage is fine, thank you.
553
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
Jerry, it's your house, whatever you say it is is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed.
554
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Come on, Rick, don't talk about my parents like that.
555
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
556
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance.
557
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Jerry
Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom.
558
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great.
559
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something?
560
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver.
561
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once?
562
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is?
563
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA.
564
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Oh well, okay...
565
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones.
566
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Oww!
567
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty?
568
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Morty
Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right?
569
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof.
570
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Rick
Ugh, unless she has the flu.
571
1
6
Rick Potion 9
Jerry
Beth, do you still love me?