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French | Pensées dérangeantes ont encore des fantasmes de surdosage sur les pilules puis me mettant sur le feu, je suis trop peur d'agir de tels fantasmes, je déteste la façon dont émotionnelle et sensible, je suis très sensible anxieux et très intuitif, je voudrais pouvoir m'accepter et j'ai pris le rejet moins personnellement, je peux être très timide et très égocentrique, je souhaite que je ne me soucie pas pour les autres opinions sur moi |
French | Comme je ne peux pas quitter mon mari, peut-être qu'il est temps d'y aller, je suis vraiment malheureux, je l'ai planifié pendant des années, mais vraiment essayer de tenir pour mon enfant, je connais son égoïste, mais il est assez évident pour moi qu'elle est mieux si je ne suis pas ici, mon mari aime parler de la façon dont ses amis et les hommes en général, je suis baisé, je reste un enfant. |
French | C'est mon anniversaire et je veux toujours me suicider Les choses semblaient tellement meilleures il y a des semaines que je me sentais merdique, mais j'avais de l'espoir Maintenant je veux juste y mettre fin |
French | Cette communauté est le seul endroit où je peux être honnête au sujet de la mort Commentaires ci-dessous si vous vous reliez |
French | Je suis déprimé et suicidaire depuis quelques années, j'ai récemment vu un avenir pour moi-même en commençant dans un pays différent et en faisant un travail que j'aime, j'ai été embauché pour le travail et tout a été réglé et pris en charge, j'ai déjà dit au revoir aux gens, et je devais voler là-bas au début d'avril. |
English | No rewards for resistensehi Reddit I am an anon I do not know why I am posting this really perhaps a chance to hear myself speak perhaps an open forum to categorize my thoughts perhaps just because and because is enough ten years ago I gave up on life I crossed a LNE it's not despair or depression that keep me beyond that line it is fatigue a member of my family was suicidal to my knowledge they still are we do not speak about it, we are unable to now I supported them for years dropped out of school to work and financially keep them afloat I cooked cleaned I managed our lives while they have drunk got depressed they had been committed to a mental institution once for a failed attempt I still remember the smell of that building the glazed eyes of the patients who were being medicated there the woman who began a conversation with me saying that she did not kill her husband and the haunting knowledge that I first heard the phrase never say goodbye that is forever only say see you later from her lips three years I supported that person because I love them we were all the other had in the world I was too weak to stop them drinking how could I take away their vice what else would they do while I worked their depression grew stronger I soldiered on eventually it got too much another failed attempt they had already taken the pills before I got home I always blamed myself for not dealing with them when drunk I supported in all ways but never well enough we argued I was tired empty had nothing left to give I yelled at them, I told them how I would benefit from them giving in and just doing it they did not back down they called my bluff they told me to do it with them that pure and perfect opportunity to just exit at that moment I was ready I was ready because I had given everything and the atlas struggle would finally be over if I just did not fight or resist anymore if I just let reality wash over me and consume me to this day that feeling of surrender is one of the best emotions I can remember I was ready they backed down when I agreed they saw what their attitude had done and in a moment of selflessness my family member backed down we sat up that night the pills were still in their system they did not die years pass I move on they move on that night lives on as a memory only in my head there are times I wonder if it happened at all how would I know if it had or had not time kept pushing on me struggle after struggle came and I conquered them while caring for my family member I had developed an ability to weather these storms push through get through keep your head down survive endure god it s such a struggle that memory of surrender haunts me but I have family now I have friends I have people who need me so I weather I endure I found the best way to cope with life is to disassociate with it not take it on board i no longer know how to handle compliments my years of training under a suicidal dependent have made me terrified of failure if I do not live to every expectation I will make things worse I will cause an episode I need to do everything for everyone I make life a struggle I keep heaping on these challenges taking on more responsibility breaking myself and I never feel satisfaction that's the worst part I don't even feel relief anymore once i ve accomplished something i just press on that has become my life add on more feel more pressure never release pride only failure i m so tired and I don't know how to ask for help I cannot expect anyone to understand I try so hard to explain it, but the words do not come out right you should feel pride take some credit and if I speak up they take the rug away you should not do so much you know what happens when you push yourself I feel worthless when that happens so I just disassociate stop thinking of myself stop applying my self to anything that way i no one will bother me no one will make me feel worse by trying to rescue me I do not feel sad I do not really feel happy I just go with the flow think about how others feel all the time live to make them happy at least then my presence will be worthwhile I fake it I fake it because I can not remember how to be honest when people try to get in i knee jerk push them away I keep trying to push past that all I can do is offer content without emotion I cannot apply myself to any story to any pleas I just sit here rotting in the back of my brain where no one will be dragged in to my void where no one will watch me dead on the inside where no one will offer pity no shame no being locked in like I once was |
English | I've never been so close Looking after my friends cat fucking thing tried to jump ahead of me little cunt Don't know what to HTTPS IBB co pX kg |
English | Set a Date Past few months have really changed me for the worst Friends family everyone who knows how I feel carry such a heavy burden now and that destroys me So December I have decided is my day Just needed to share with someone Cheers |
English | It only makes sense that he stopped talking to everyone waiting to die while everyone else waits for him to speak tell me it's okay to fall to let the boulder that I carry fall on my head and crush me to death tell me it's okay to give up this fucking diet and exercise bullshit when there is nothing and no one to live for anyway stop giving a damn about my grades and finances and just let it all collapse on me put up with others, and it kills me just as much so kick them to the curb and call it loneliness some friend no friends your son is hanging in the basement or maybe he's running on the treadmill these things the devil laughs but at least I'm smiling this time |
English | Couldn't get help No one wants to help I tried helping myself but nothing works What suicide methods do you recommend I don't care how painful it is I obviously handle pain well I want to know which one guarantees success You can inbox me too Thanks |
French | Je n'ai jamais été aimé S'il vous plaît, ne donnez pas de conseils ou ne demandez pas ce que j'ai essayé, j'ai été blessé, harcelé et intimidé au point que je n'ai même plus l'impression de ne plus être humain, car c'est ainsi que je suis traité, peu importe la façon dont je communique ce que je veux. |
English | I don't know how to deal with life anymore m a young adult Zero genuine friends No girlfriend About to be out of yet another job Yeah things are going really fucking bad for me right now The only thing holding me back from going out is my ridiculously loving parents I had to tell them that I may need to drive myself to the emergency room few days ago I couldn't take the stress I was experiencing at my job One person has spread some nasty comments about me throughout the workplace Everybody looks at me like at some monster Even my own manager I can not take this hate any more But it's like every job I think I've ever held has ended in similar fashion I've lived with social anxiety from PTSD from the age of I've missed out on experiencing my own adolescent days I feel zero hate towards others but I feel hated by even the people who haven't spoken a word to me before in this life I cannot move forward being treated like this The only reason why I'm still alive and trying to rebuild my life is because of my parents They are my everything as sad as this may sound They deserve a better son I have nobody else I'm a found adult for God s sake I keep trying to get out there make new friends but it's like I get shut down way before saying a single word I understand that I may have low social intelligence and social skills I get it I don't know what else to do I don't treat the people who are like that like shit why must I be treated like nothing I feel like going away and ending myself I only don't want my mother and father to cry for me, I wish I could be replaced |
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French | Comment arrêter les pensées suicidaires |
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French | J'ai toujours honte de mes problèmes de santé mentale J'ai commencé à lutter contre l'anxiété sociale J'ai peur de perdre des pensées et des idées suicidaires Je n'ai jamais parlé de mes problèmes Ma famille ne sait toujours pas Je vais toujours m'aider Je peux aussi me sentir déprimé Je suis en train d'étudier |
English | I don't want to buy I have to don't want to die I want to have a future with a spouse and with kids I want to experience new things stuff like that But I can't do school all over again I can't go back I can't drive or get a job I can't do stuff on my own I can't do any of that shit and I fucking hate it I just want to scream and punch the walls until my hands are fucked up I don't want to exist anymore |
French | Maltraiter tout le monde pour qu'ils puissent me détester et le suicide sera plus facile Je voudrais que quelqu'un puisse me tuer parce que je suis encore trop faible pour me suicider Et alors si je m'améliore C'est le même cycle Récupérer n'est pas linéaire |
English | Young My mom and dad were alcoholic I was depressed I would hide in my messy room I never showered I never slept Soon it got to the point where I just wanted die So I tried to hang myself I took a rope and hung it over a shelf in my closet But as soon as I realized what I was doing I started crying and yelled out for my sister she arrived there with her friend She too started crying so we got me down We agreed not to tell everyone about it But her friend told the school, and they asked my parents if it was true of course I said no It s been years since then my parents got cleared I got therapy How old was I Every one can be depressed Your age doesn't matter Get help Your worth so much more |
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English | Need a gun already been struggling so much with depression and anxiety Guy I've been talking to just told me he doesn't want a relationship and hates how I talk lovey to him even though we've been talking flirty for months Blocked me Lost my best friend because of my own stupid mistake My parents are divorced and trying to be friends but still fight off and on all the time Been dealing with the screaming violence and insanity my entire life I try to talk to people Most ignore me or can't handle me anymore I'm too annoying Too depressing stupid The only thing I have to look forward too is getting fucked up enough to forget about all of this for a while All I want is a gun, so I can finish this and finally gain some fucking peace |
English | Advice want to end it my life is going downhill |
English | Intrinsically I cannot keep living am not suited for life I am a coward and I run away from everything I often panic and can't talk when in social situations My friends have all proven to me, they don't want me That hardly scratches the surface so what else can I do |
French | Je pense que j'abandonne, je ne suis tout simplement pas fait pour la vie que j'aurais aimé être, mais j'aurais probablement dû l'appeler il y a des années. |
French | Vous ne pouvez vous battre que pendant si longtemps Je n'ai pas d'amis J'ai une longue liste de problèmes, y compris l'anxiété de dépression et un trouble de l'alimentation Je me bats contre cette bataille depuis des années Personne ne veut de moi Personne n'entend mes cris Il ne sert à rien que je sois fatigué. |
English | I finally have a plan For now my hands sweat when I think about going through with it but at least I know a way out if I need to quit the program |
English | Feeling alone and unwanted Today makes the year anniversary of me M moving miles away from my home to go to my dream college I moved south because of what my brothers told me move away from home push yourself outside your comfort zone, and you will be amazing with how much you grow Well the only thing that grew on my was a feeling of worthlessness and insecurity All I see around me are kids my age that are so much more mature or interesting or attractive than me How do they already have so much more figured out So much as talking to someone in the hall fills me with dread Each semester starts the same I'm so excited to meet new people to finally get rid of being alone except I can't leave my bed I'm so overcome with the fear of humiliating myself Since coming to college I've met people who eventually ghost me and end up just adding to the long list of Snapchat stories I watch that only make me sink further into my whole I m done here I can't even quit and go home my mother would be so upset She's already managing a divorce and counseling of her own I can't burden her with this If I was to die I don't think anyone would notice |
French | Je déteste la vie veut juste putain mourir déjà je n'aime rien et je ne suis jamais heureux la seule chose qui aide est l'héroïne, mais même qui provoque plus de stress et de problèmes pour moi, je me sens tellement stressé un pris au piège que je préfère juste mourir La raison pour laquelle je suis même faire cela est que je ne me sens pas à l'aise de parler à quelqu'un face à face à cause de la fierté et je pense qu'ils vont me regarder comme un soft punk |
French | Enfin, dans le bon état d'esprit Salut donc j'ai fait un post plus tôt à ce sujet, mais je me sentais comme peut-être que je devrais élaborer un peu je m et ne me suis jamais vraiment considéré comme déprimé jusqu'à récemment, j'ai eu de mauvais jours certains dont je mal interprété comme la dépression, mais je ne me suis jamais vraiment senti la façon dont je lis maintenant Anxiété et ma peur de multiples conditions médicales |
French | Je veux dire à mes parents que je suis suicidaire, mais je ne veux pas ajouter de stress à leur vie déjà stressante, je ne sais pas quoi faire pour me tuer à l'intérieur. |
English | I'm just tired It's one of those days when I really don't feel like things are going to get better I've been struggling with bipolar disorder for almost years I've been on so many different cocktails of drugs it's impossible to remember them all I've spent thousands on therapy and still I find myself sitting in the dark tonight wondering why I'm even here Over the years I've isolated myself from most friends and family and I don't think anyone truly knows how bad I'm feeling except my psychiatrist and therapist I'm just so tired of fighting tired of trying to get better and really just want to slip away in my sleep |
French | Je veux mais je ne peux pas Ce serait si facile de me tuer Je pourrais le faire maintenant C'est si facile C'est si facile C'est juste là Je pourrais le faire maintenant Alors pourquoi je ne peux pas Si ma mère n'était pas en hospice et que mon père ne s'effilochait pas Cela rendrait-il plus facile Ou suis-je tellement criblé de culpabilité Pour me sentir coupable Je veux fuir de tout |
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English | Don't Talk About It BE ABOUT IT JUST DO IT All you attention whores that saying you re going to off yourselves today walk the walk if you re going to talk the talk Or are you guys just saying it for the attention I know you pussies won't actually kill yourselves Don't get me wrong I m rooting for your success I m rooting that you actually do kill yourself One less whiny bitch on the planet |
French | J'ai pris la corde et j'ai fait un nœud coulant Mais je ne peux pas parce que je suis un putain de lâche Fuck |
English | Https youth be Tm LGxTLtQkYou and your life are more Beautiful than you even know Keep faith and know that you are rarer than you can understand Stay unique and understand that Love will always be there when you let it in |
French | Je pense que j'ai échoué dans tout ce que j'ai toujours essayé d'être bon dans quelque chose dans la vie, j'ai essayé d'avoir de bonnes notes à l'école, j'ai essayé de bien dessiner et surtout quand j'ai commencé à me tuer la seule chose que je me suis arrêté était la musique, surtout la guitare, je voulais vraiment être un bon musicien et guitariste. |
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French | Je pense que je vais le faire Pas maintenant Mais bientôt, j'en ai assez J'ai eu assez J'ai eu assez d'années Je suis une femme Mon histoire est celle-ci Mon père était violent et alcoolique dans ma jeunesse Moi et mes frères et sœurs avaient l'habitude de vivre dans la peur Ma mère l'a abandonné quand j'avais sept ans. |
French | Se sentir suicidaire au sujet de ma circoncision Salut communauté Je sais que cela peut sembler bizarre pour vous, mais je déteste avoir été circoncis comme un bébé sans mon consentement Surtout comme un Autrichien où plus que ce qui est laissé intact Je déteste quand les gens prétendent que près d'un tiers sont circoncis et la grande majorité d'entre eux sont encore heureux Bien sûr, ils ont été tout à fait trahis Il y a quelques mois |
English | Surviving sucks am a suicide survivor but I also think suicide is probably my future And I feel so alone that I can't express that to people I am not in danger at this exact moment but I know I am not a huge fan of existing, and I take comfort in the idea that I could choose to stop I don't know how to quantify how many times I have attempted taking my life As a teenager I planned it out wrote the notes and then just stared at the blades and decided not to do it because I didn't want to hurt people Since then I just make a lot of stupid decisions not caring if I will end up surviving self harm eating disorders not wearing my seat belt in cars mixing pills and booze taking sleeping pills before I take baths it can calm me down knowing that I might not survive something but that I am not actively making that choice A few years ago I survived my only serious attempt I survived my overdose and a friend had to take care of me for a few days, but she never asked what had happened to me, I never told my family or went to the doctor I never had that moment of joy that I survived I just felt stuck and kept on with the fake it until you make it and that's mostly what I have been doing since Over the past few years I have told a few of my closest friends what I had done but it is obviously not something I wear publicly Even my bf about of about years does not know It's not just something I can express because I don't think anyone understands I am in counseling and my counselor knows but talking about it doesn't seem to help A friend of a friend took her life this week, and I was jealous I felt so dirty admitting that to myself, but I was am I survived my suicide attempt and a major car crash and associated rehabilitation two events that are supposed to make you appreciate life and yet I am bummed I survived And every time someone around me is dealing with the fallout of losing someone they love they are angry and don't understand and I feel so alone and alienated because I DO People rant about how selfish suicide is but how is it not selfish to expect people to exist when they are in so much pain It's so lonely knowing that no one will ever understand And that just because I don't see a future for myself doesn't meant that I don't love and enjoy everyone around me, I don't see myself taking my life in the near future but that is mostly only me existing for my dog I fantasize about it a lot I research it I am fascinated with Digital I read books about survivors it s been years since my night as a teenager staring at blades I don't really want to deal with another |
English | After a long ass time I did it I cut myself it hurt so bad and I just needed to feel something I want to be happy, but that never works the pain hurts so bad it never goes away no matter what I do |
French | Comment puis-je aider cette personne à avoir des pensées de haine de l'existence ne voulant plus me sentir vide souhaitant qu'ils n'aient plus à aimer Ils disent qu'ils ne se tueraient jamais qu'ils luttent contre ces sentiments, mais ils ont essayé avant et échoué Ils refusent d'obtenir de l'aide parce qu'ils ne veulent pas être hospitalisés Ils disent parce qu'ils n'ont aucune intention de se tuer que les lignes d'assistance suicide sont trop extrêmes |
English | How can I live with being a bad person I am a bad person My family hates me every interaction will start out well and one thing leads to another I slip up and it ends in a horrible argument Always my fault and it always feels accidental Like dropping a glass and trying to catch it in midair My boyfriend deserves better than me on pretty much every measurable standard and no matter how much we love each other this creeps into our life together slowly I am never my friends first choice I have always just been an addition to a group See people say I'll feel better, and they can think of a million cool coping mechanisms but what is the point I am a bad person a negative influence over the lives of all that I meet Why would it matter if I feel better if it's not about how I feel at all |
English | I was doing better for a while It's all gone downhill in just a few days School is stressing me out way too much I have homework to do but can't get myself to do them My depression is getting worse again I just want to end my pain I don't want to wake up every day and pretend I don't want to get out of bed and go fake everything at school I don't want to live and breathe this air any more I want to go I want to be at peace And the way to that is setting myself free |
English | Listen to me That s all I want to be listened to I want someone to hear me out and consider what I have to say I'm so frustrated It has become an ongoing theme in my life I looked around my room today and realized I'm pretty fucking depressed It used to be meticulously cleaned and organized I used to take such pride in my beautiful furniture my beautiful things Now it's dirty laced with soda cans I can't remember the last time I vacuumed There s dust on my dresser a pretty thick layer I don't have the energy to clean I might as well be one of those specks of dust no even smaller Small in body mind presence To the universe I am nothing though I'm sure we all have that thought sometimes I don't want to continue on if you're not listening but maybe you are I find myself ignored by many people They pretend to listen, but they don't really Perhaps they are preoccupied with their own matters I would hire somebody to listen but my dad says I'm not allowed to talk to anyone certified in the art of listening He says there isn't anything wrong with me These thoughts I've had of cutting again of burning my skin with my tiny blue Bic lighter again of bashing my head into anything I could in a weak attempt to knock myself out again are all normal I'm sure everyone has those thoughts sometimes no I wish I had never done those things because now that I know I can slowly drain away the action calls me back So tempting But my dad doesn't listen either This is where I need you to listen I m at my breaking point Tonight right now I'm not afraid of dying I have a way out plan Just please please listen I'm alone Even when I'm around people I'm alone because nobody listens to my wants fears goals I receive orders, and instead it is I that does the listening They tell my happy face that I will be successful when all I want is to be a mother They tell me I'll find a nice boy someday when I like other girls They tell me I'm strong enough to deal with anything when my weak wall inside is condemned and decrepit They tell me I'm normal when I hide my true face I think my mask may be thicker than most I lay here sobbing night after night I ask the god I don't really believe in why he tortures me but he isn't listening But I'm sure a suicide note would speak volumes that might just might be listened to |
French | Je veux mourir et cesser d'exister, mais je ne peux pas sentir que la vie est très insatisfaisante, mais je ne peux jamais me voir atteindre l'âge de je déteste mon existence, je ne sais pas quoi faire, je suis actuellement étudiant en architecture et depuis que j'ai commencé mon cours, je me sens plus anxieux et triste, je n'ai pas beaucoup d'amis proches, mais je suis habitué à la solitude, je peux à peine passer une journée sans pensées suicidaires. |
English | Please help ASAP This post is more about my mom than me, I've had thoughts but would never go through with it Recently my mom found out about my dad having an affair with a prostitute this has exacerbated marital problems that they already had They constantly fight at night and I end up in the middle but because of school my mom always tells me to just go to sleep but how am I supposed to sleep while this is going on Anyway my mom left the house after one of the arguments got particularly bad and after yelling at me and my sister accusing us of siding with our dad Admittedly we're a little selfish in that we both want our mom to take him back, so things can go back to normal but there's certainly no bias She called my dad and threatened suicide a couple of times before hanging up She certainly has been going through a lot even besides this particular situation and she s talked about suicide before I can't reach her at all and I'm worried about her but I do finally get to her or somehow get hold of someone who can help she'll just be upset with me for still being awake at what is now nearly half past four in the morning What can I do to make sure she's okay |
English | Too big a pussy to end it all ve been thinking about offing myself for some time now I've just gotten out of a relationship that lasted years, and she has already found someone and moved on, although we spend time together occasionally nothing is the same of course I've realized my mistakes and regret them dearly every single day I also am in a financial struggle at the moment as well as have almost next to no social life and a horrible academic career Things used to be very different in my life I used to be able to do anything I want and had a good circle of friends now most nights I just lay awake thinking of ways to kill myself unfortunately I just pussy out even at the thought of it I know that if I just had the balls to do it I wouldn't be writing this right now Long story short the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my cowardice |
English | Just so done I m done I'm a piece of shit Fucked up too many times I love animals but for months was so mean to my boyfriend s dog I've slapped her in the face given her too many Benadryls to make her sleep and grabbed her in mean ways I've done so many other terrible things that ended up hurting her Thankfully she is happy and okay I thought it was okay at the time because of some stupid fucked up website I read about tons of other people who loved animals but felt the same way towards their significant other s pet and would do things to it If they loved animals but felt this way it had to be something terrible about the dog right It deserved it I m such an idiot I took things way too far and cannot forgive myself I hate myself Every time I see an animal I think about what I did to this dog I can't live with the guilt shame This is not a way to live life I've never done anything to any other creature before I'm sorry |
English | My therapist cut me off and it s got me suicidal was seeing her pretty consistently this whole year and I've been doing very intense work on my trauma However I had a habit of not showing up to sessions sometimes due to my depression This whole year I was going consistently and it s helped a lot In the past three weeks I did not show up because my depression was going off the rails and I had no energy I was attempting to reach her the past few days to set up an appointment and she finally got back to me telling me that she's going to have to stop seeing me due to my inconsistency I'm really crushed and just broken down because of this My suicidal thoughts and ideations have been increasing in intensity the past three months but now I would say I m at an in terms of wanting to end it I realized that I should ve honored my appointments but I just feel so damn worthless now that even my therapist cuts me off Sorry |
French | Toutes les filles que je vois disent que je suis moche et que je devrais me suicider, je veux dire, si je suis une merde si moche, je n'aurai jamais une petite amie ou un mariage ou quoi que ce soit. |
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English | I m alone m alone right now and I just want someone to talk to No one is here nor will be for a while This doesn't happen much and I realize I could kill myself now really easily Even if for only a little bit even you only tell me something good that has happened to you today because it was that great I just want to talk to someone right now |
English | Made the decision Before today i didn't consider myself suicidal But today I broke I never used to want to die I just wanted things to get better But today that changed I've got anxiety and depression also autistic but not nearly as bad as my gad and depression and recently paranoia I'm in several therapies and on several meds but there's not improvement I'm defeated I don't know exactly how when or where although I have a rough idea for each but I do know that at some point i will, I am done I almost constantly fear my mothers trying to force me to commit suicide I'm skeptical of everybody's actions always I feel like all the significant people in my life have a plan that i don't know about that's about ruining my life and ultimately getting me to kill myself And I tell my therapist this asking for help, and he just says I need to switch my views on my mum so not being skeptical I'm getting no relief And now I'm past the point of just wanting relief I just want to not be here |
English | I feel extremely isolated This hits me once in a while Usually I'm too busy with university to think about this but when I'm not feeling well it hits me I have no one I want to reach out for people, but I don't want to bother them There's always a lot I m my mind My grandpa died by suicide back in I'm a sexual assault survivor I tried to end everything last year couldn't do it and stayed in a psychiatric hospital I just feel so isolated and so alien next to everyone These feelings of pain I carry with me make me feel so different from everyone that I find myself unable to connect I don't know what to do Part of me tells me I should disappear |
French | Je suis comme Chester Bennington Je ne sais pas si quelqu'un là-bas peut raconter, mais j'ai un moment difficile avec la vie parfois expliqué Bennington Parfois, c'est génial, mais beaucoup de fois pour moi, c'est vraiment dur et peu importe comment je me sens, je me retrouve toujours en train de me battre avec certains modèles de comportement. |
English | Insert Title Here To whom it may concern I am a year-old male currently living at home with his parents I have no money no job no girlfriend no friends no pets and no social life I used to be funny too but not any more Alkaline Trio sums it up nicely There are things that used to make me laugh But now they're deeply buried in the past I left them there so far away Replaced my humor with my pain I'll be happy on the day it dies |
English | Will this finally kill me I will say in advance I'm mainly talking about drugs here KET and need some advice or just a yes no from someone with experience please I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but it got deleted on the other subs sorry for the long read this weekend i m going to be trying K for the first time I have g and any alcohol probably vodka that I may need I have done some research, and it appears to be potentially fatal, so I was wondering if it was painful or if I am able to end on a good trip here the way I see it I can sit get on PS have fun for a few hours with my friends and some drinks then before I get too drunk I can switch everything else off put on some music I like then take as much K as I need to have a hopefully good time in all honesty I don't mind if it's not that good I just want it to be painless because i m a coward I guess and some backstory of my situation if anyone cares to read over the past I would say about months I have been feeling constantly depressed down unmotivated suicidal on many occasions a few months ago I self referred myself for help and was diagnosed with anxiety depression and PTSD and put on the waiting list for cognitive therapy since then i ve had no help or anything and it's just the same old shit in fact I felt worse when I was getting some help at the time as a whole I'm just sick of it with corona and all i ve been at work doing so much recently due to the high needs and it's very physically draining but it's the only thing that's temporarily distracting me from my head my days are basically wake up go to work if I have it that day get home and stare at a wall or just sit on my chair sometimes play PS with old friends over the past few months I have only stayed here because of my friends but now I feel that since i ve been so detached and spent so much time alone doing nothing it's the right time for me to go if anyone has any experience with this scenario getting drunk then taking anywhere up to g of KET could you please just let me know if this will work thanks and sorry again for the long read |
French | Il ne fait jamais mieux que je suis malheureux et suicidaire depuis longtemps penser à quel point ma vie est horrible sur une base quotidienne la seule raison pour laquelle je continuais à vivre est que je ne veux pas blesser ma famille, mais ma vie n'a pas obtenu mieux que je sais que je suis coincé dans une ornière qui est presque impossible pour moi, je commence à penser de plus en plus qu'il n'y a pas de substitut au premier privilège mondial et que la seule solution est le suicide. |
French | Maladies mentales Si vous en avez une ou dites que vous en avez une si vous ne faites rien pour l'aider ou au moins vous aider vous dites probablement que vous l'avez pour poids |
English | A realization ve had the biggest realization I'm truly alone I scrolled through my contacts of people I could call and talk to and there's no one Either it's someone I don't have a personal relationship with my parents whom I don't talk to and ignore my calls or it's former friends whom I've fallen out with months and even years ago I'm the problem I really don't even know why I'm still here I feel as though I'm wasting time stalling for something good to happen when I already know that this is essentially if I am so tired but at the same time I fear the reality that if or when I decide to take my life I'll literally be an empty body as opposed to me already feeling empty I'm thinking this through and actually trying to weigh pros and cons but I honestly think this is it And like most guests at a party I don't like to overstay my welcome |
English | Life is bleak just tested whether I can hang myself The tie I brought seems unsuited for it, I will have to use rope I don't really feel depressed right now I have dealt a lot with depression for the past years and it doesn't really feel that way At least not with the heavy heart and feeling of despair that I have come to associate with depression Not with the complete inability to act either I am just apathetic really I used to have goals and things I wanted to do, and I still try to set goals but they don't motivate me to do things I don't really want to do things anymore Every winter I get depressed, and this year was rough but it seems to be over now The worst thing about being depressed is not being able to do things That is incredibly boring However even when not depressed I have increasingly run into the problem of not wanting to do anything and it makes my life boring and uninteresting I still do things and they can even be interesting for a while but they don't make my life fulfilling I don't consider my life bad I have my studies am in good health and have family and friends I also have access to professional and financial help In theory my life should even be pretty good but in reality it just doesn't seem interesting enough to be worth living and there is no sign of that changing I hope that I will be able to kill myself within years |
English | Help I want to end it all right now m and things aren't working out I'm being pressured by my dad finals are going on it's just going on I need someone to talk to |
English | Accepting my Fates I think I've been depressed for years now and this summer has been the worst I finally found my happiness, but she wanted to go separate ways Being alone is something to get used to and definitely hard My sister and her were BFFs and now the bond has been broke I think I'm going to accept my fate by fixing what I broke up and then ending everything because I don't see a point of living anymore |
French | Je veux poster sur Facebook je ne sais même pas pourquoi je veux faire un post sur Facebook que je veux me fendre les poignets dans la baignoire mais rien de bon ne viendrait de ce que je sais comme ma mère m'appellera et tout le monde va paniquer haha a perturberait totalement ma vie peut-être au pire m'envoyer à l'hôpital alors je ne vais pas encore obtenir mon diplôme cette année je pense que je serai tellement mieux quand je serai diplômé et obtenir un emploi |
English | Alien am who I am because of the trauma I've experienced I can't forget it I have no reason to change Society does not understand they want comfortable lives Everyone has left me That is traumatic enough It's compounded by decades of trauma before that The girl I loved is purging me from her life finally finally kicked me out of her Netflix account now that it s been months since she stopped talking to me, She deleted the song I showed her in the car one evening months ago from her Facebook There's no use learning why the damage is done I want to fix it still but I'm a fool She does not care about me No one do I still love her She is an amazing person But it doesn't matter she's like the rest of the world She wants to be happy and comfortable I am an abrasive asshole at the least I have no one left I've passed the point of no return The stress and intrusive thoughts are too great for me to function because I have no more purpose to work toward or hope for the future I've endured years of hell and pain I need to make relationships where people treat me well so I can learn that it's okay to feel comfortable with people But that has not happened It had gotten worse I am done I want to finish my will and sell the things I own first but I am too dysfunctional I am afraid eventually I will end it before then I slept with my pistol last week I don't want to go that way, but I need to remember that death and peace is close This is entirely too painful and there is no reason It is nonsensical She could have at least told me why she could have at least talked to me like she promised she would, I am a mess I am a failure I am cursed I am done |
French | Je suis tellement énervée que ça me donne envie de me tuer enfin Personne ne se soucie de moi, je n'ai pas d'amis qui se foutent de moi, personne ne veut faire d'efforts pour passer du temps avec moi ou me faire me sentir spéciale et bien sûr, toute ma vie s'écrase sur moi et me fait chier. |
English | I like seeing my own blood Sometimes I have an urge to crash the car when I am driving alone I am not suicidal I do not want to die but nowadays, I've been having a craving to see my own blood I accidentally cut my finger and the sight of blood made me calm happy When I drive I get an urge to crash the car or speed drive recklessly Just the thought of doing that gives me a rush Background I graduated from college and moved back to my parents home My job search was not going well, but now I just started a job as a teacher at an after school program I hate working there and it's been only a week The kids are little brats and I just find myself so drained People say that my job is easier than other jobs and that if I can't handle this I won't be able to handle other jobs life I feel so pathetic I don't talk to anyone after I graduated from college and I feel so isolated I don't talk or have connections with people around my age I just talk to my mom in passing, but our relationship is shaky As a child she s told me that I'm dirty and deserve to get raped She doesn't say stuff like that to me anymore, but sometimes she tells me that I am mentally disabled I know that she loves me and cares for me but sometimes we don't get along |
French | Je ne peux pas accepter qui je AMI m un enfant belge d'un an avec un statut social normal, mais j'ai l'impression que ma vie est la même toute la journée aller à l'école manger se détendre dormir et je pense que je suis gay plus je suis amoureux de mon meilleur ami mais je ne veux pas que je sache qu'il n'est pas gay et ne lui ai jamais parlé, je ne pense pas que je peux vraiment, il est toujours ironique ou drôle |
English | Unlikely Topics You know what's unlikely An unfunny drag queen What do you think |
French | Je suis si vide Se sentir suicidaire pourrait supprimer plus tard Pas un compte jetable parce que quoi que je n'ai pas été abusé molesté aucun être cher est mort Encore je me sens si vide Surtout quand je regarde d'autres personnes pas même en ligne juste IRL Je les vois un autre type de personnes que je ne pourrais jamais devenir Ils ont des passions sociales Je passe la majeure partie de ma vie sur rien |
English | I really would like someone to talk with I've been going through so much lately I honest to god can't stand it I keep trying to pick myself up but it's just been so hard I just need someone to talk with, so I can stop this horrible anxiety feeling that I can't shake |
English | I wish I had a gun If I could just shoot myself I would probably be dead Quick and I presume painless But I don't have one and the other methods scare me The next fastest thing would be decapitation via train but then I would be brought another person into this and giving them some horrid memories Hanging scares me the last thing I want is to be choked to death Jumping scares me too not sure what exactly about it frightens me but I'm just afraid of heights and I feel like if I don't die on impact it would be an insanely painful death Pills don't work not only do I not have strong dangerous pills it's a slow death and leaves a lot of room for me to freak out and call for help I wish I had a gun |
French | J'ai trouvé mon partenaire un nouvel amour, donc je peux finir un peu plus paisiblement espérer que c'est bien de poster ici C'est mon premier et probablement le seul post sur Reddit J'ai juste besoin de dire quelque chose avant que ça arrive J'ai été avec mon partenaire depuis presque des années et je l'aime sérieusement Je suis aussi en train de me faire du mal depuis que je suis et d'avoir des hauts et des bas |
French | Chaque jour je me suis convaincu que m'empaler dans quelque chose de pointu n'est pas avec Chaque jour je trouve une excuse Je veux vraiment voir ce concert Tu as un voyage bientôt Parfois je fais glisser le fond du canon Tu viens de faire tes cheveux Le temps est beau demain J'ai toujours répondu à cette ligne J'ai toujours tenu la chose tranchante dans ma main et senti le froid Je mets toujours la réponse réaliste |
English | I just made myself throw uptimes now I'm just sitting in blood and vomit can't control this I can't afford help of any kind nor would I accept it What kind of life is this I do this every day, and it hurts, and it destroys my body and gets into all my cuts and ruins everything in my life, but I can't stop I want to bring it up with my girlfriend, but I don't want to burden her with anything Sometimes I wish she would find someone better, so I wouldn't feel bad about slitting my throat |
French | Corde autour de mon cou Je ne peux pas arrêter de trembler Je ne sais pas pourquoi je ne peux pas partir Je ne comprends pas ce que je dois faire pour arrêter de trembler C'est ce que je veux, mais mon corps semble en désaccord J'ai fini de parler de mes problèmes et de ma douleur Quelqu'un peut-il expliquer pourquoi je tremble |
French | Maman mourant d'un cancer Je veux mourir d'abord de la maladie terminale de maman est tout ce que je pense à propos de la façon dont les gens ne sont jamais les mêmes après la perte d'un parent La vie va être absolument misérable Pourquoi voudrais-je rester pour que Fuck it Je suis opting out de cette misère |
French | null |
English | The Self Defeating Loop m sorry ahead of time if this is long but my thoughts are jumbled, and I need to get them out somehow I also feel like history is sort of an important piece to the puzzle, so I want to get that out of the way I'm a year old transgender woman living in California under someone's hospitality I've been a constant drain on financials and though I help with chores and whatever else needs doing I constantly feel as though I've created a situation for myself in which I can't really escape from I want to help I want to clean myself up get a job contribute and support the people closest to me But any time I try I always seem to sabotage any sort of positivity or progress that I've made there's always this darkness on the periphery of all my actions that sort of just eats away at any attempt at forward momentum that I make The shitty thing is I moved out here initially to make that positive change to get HRT to train myself for a career to have and be part of a support network of a bunch of other queer people But instead I've wasted every opportunity that I've been given I strained a relationship with someone to the point that we don't talk any more I stressed myself out learning new skills and when I started taking HRT I got depressed and stopped And this isn't the first time that this has happened it's like a constant cycle of like I'm going to help myself followed shortly by me sabotaging every single thing that I try to do to the point that I get more and more depressed and the world loses more and more color I considered committing suicide once before the darkest my world ever seemed to get I've known I was trans since I was but due to a conservative family and the constant fear of outing myself I kept it pushed down in myself for the longest time Once or twice I tried to vocalize that I was trans to my parents, but I was always gas lighted with Oh this is just a phase or Everyone has these sorts of feelings from time to time I hated and continue to hate myself so much I never felt like I fit in with anybody and that sort of crept into my school life and when I barely graduated from high school it crept further into my adult life So much that I constantly had trouble holding down jobs I would spend all of my time alone in my room distracting myself with the internet and video games I wouldn't take showers or take care of myself at all I didn't feel like there was a point to any of it because even if I did do all that stuff I still wouldn't feel like I was myself like I fit in with other people It all culminated to a point where I was on the brink of being homeless during a particularly bad Midwestern winter unable to feed myself having lost a job a month before and having told no one and I thought to myself What if I just slit my wrists And the thing was I had entertained thoughts like that before but at that time the thought was so strong and like such a good answer in my mind for everything that was happening that I honestly scared myself I felt like Oh god I'm actually going to slit my wrists if I don't talk to someone So I talked to my mom During the time that my life was unraveling my parents seemed to chill out a lot Believe it or not a concussion caused my dad to change his whole political ideals to much more liberal and my mom started working on a college campus so she started to get more liberal as well It was lucky for me that their shift in personality happened when it did because they got me out of that bad situation I was brought home, and they watched over me and made sure I didn't do anything to myself They constantly told me they loved me and they listened to my problems and it was honestly the first time in my life that my parents had ever done anything that made me feel accepted by them, I was finally able to confront my gender issues I started socializing with people and I started building a support network again Hence me moving to California As I mentioned before that has sort of all gone to pot I don't ever want to blame someone else for my problems but the person that I got into a relationship with sort of led me in this direction Everything was fine at first they were helping me, and I was happy to be with them but they also had all their own issues with narcissist parents and they seemed to constantly push me away because I couldn't really understand the issues that they were having despite me trying to be supportive Not only that but I m sort of introvert and they're an absolute extrovert so like they would go off on these grand adventures and do these things that made me feel unsafe For instance they liked to go hiking which I would have liked to do but I found out the kind of hiking they liked to do was go off the beaten path and climb up the sides of hills or across rock faces I'm not really that physically capable plus I'm pretty tall so while going up hills and stuff was easy enough every time I went down a hill I felt like I was going to topple over and fall down the hill and honestly it scared the shit out of me Also I'm claustrophobic, and they liked to explore sea caves on the beach there was one time they climbed into this small hole in the rocks and expected me to follow I broke down crying because I didn't want to go in there and they just laughed at me the only reason I even went into the cave was because they bumped their head and said they started bleeding so my worry for them won over the fear I had for the cave It's just like wherever they went I couldn't really follow and they would constantly push me away as a result of that They would travel cross-country in their car and leave me alone for weeks to months so they could go talk to some conversion camp survivor in Wichita or something It just felt like they gave up on me and as a result I sort of gave up on them and everything else over time And I think I sort of told myself that was just par for the course after all I could never keep a job I couldn't make school work I couldn't make anything in my life really work for me so why should a relationship be any different Like maybe I was asking too much out of the relationship maybe that sort of support where someone helps you or teaches you just doesn't really exist Maybe everyone is just dealing with their own problems and me having my own problems is just adding to their own piles when I ask for help with something I keep dropping anything that I pick up it all just feels useless it feels like I'm applying paint to a ramshackle hut on the side of a highway I start running or exercise and stop every couple of months I start HRT and stop every couple of months I try learning a new skill and stop every couple of months No matter what I do I just can't seem to build up the momentum to keep going Like I know that the world isn't going to hand me anything on a platter I know I have to work for the things that I want and I theoretically have no problem with doing the work except that I do seem to have a problem with it, I mean I guess the TL;DR of that is that I just feel like everything is useless I feel like no matter what I do I'm constantly in this loop of feeling motivated and then having that motivation just sucked away I feel like I'm pathetic a drain on others and just entirely not worth anyone s effort much less my own And at the end of the day I don't really know what to do about it Just like everything else I've tried to talk to therapists multiple times but for whatever reason I end up missing a session or two then I just stop talking to them entirely and I know in my heart that this is just going to happen again if I try to get myself some help Lately it s gotten to the point where I've been thinking about just ending it I want to break the cycle, and it seems like the only option I have to do it is to end everything |
French | null |
English | Tried hanging myself and taking mg acetaminophen in one day That was two days ago I haven't showered since My body s survival response freaked out and I couldn't get myself to be suspended for more than two seconds although it would have been short and painless As for the pills I swallowed in a fit I didn't even throw them back up I've been feeling a dull ache in my right side but it could be my imagination or placebo effect I've been sleeping an obscene amount and every time I wake up I'm disappointed that I'm not dead My first college semester after a delay of two years just ended with a grand finale of a mental breakdown and missed exam which counted for of the course grade I am officially ready to end my life I went to another university two years ago, and I had to leave for much the same reason My body just stopped moving, and I stopped caring It's happening again And it s all my fault |
French | Si c'est ma vie, je ne le veux pas, je ne veux pas mourir, je sais que je pourrais trouver de la joie quelque part dans la vie, je ne suis pas autorisé à cause de mes propres erreurs, je souhaite juste que je n'ai jamais existé en premier lieu, c'est ma vie, je suis assis pour une heure, je ne suis pas en train de travailler, je suis assis à la maison. |
French | Je suis si mauvais et sans valeur Fuck comptes jetables c'est le vrai moi Bien qu'étant élevé dans un environnement confortable avec un manque dans la vue je me trouve bien au-delà du bord je l'ai vécu avec un sentiment de vide et de manque d'émotion pour plus d'années maintenant en dépit d'être seulement loin de moi je déteste ce que beaucoup commencent à ressentir comme ça pour ce que j'ai et pour le fait qu'il y ait tant de gens dans ce monde |
English | I cannot stand the know things are hard now but chin up things will get better sentiment For fuck s sake Things just don't get better life circumstances don't just change You have to make them and if you can't you re fucked Lots of people are fucked with their back against a wall and no way out of dire situations Either you can cope and use the tools available to change your life or you can't If you can't change things you can choose to suffer or give up A lot of people who suffer choose to suffer because they have faith that if they are patient and good the universe will reward them The universe rewards no one it's an indifferent system People are only willing to suffer and sacrifice every day if they meaningfully believe it would lead to a fulfilling happy outcome Once it becomes clear that this will not be the case people become either give up or become delusional |
English | What's your favorite songs about suicide I really like Wave of mutilation by The Pixies |
French | J'ai juste repoussé tellement de mes amis sans aucune raison, j'ai eu un putain de désaccord politique avec un de mes amis sur Discord et j'ai laissé le serveur dessus comme quel genre de putain d'idiot je suis j'ai repoussé tellement de mes amis parce que l'un d'eux n'était pas d'accord avec moi. |
French | Planifier de me tuer ceci ou d'ici la semaine prochaine Exister est devenu une douleur que je ne peux pas imaginer exister dans ce monde en tant qu'extraterrestre que je suis N'avoir rien dans ma vie et être un INTJ Je sais que je suis condamné à mener une vie vide et solitaire qui est en dessous des normes que je considère dignes de vivre Je souhaite bonne chance Ce sera une chose très difficile à faire, mais le fait est que c'est l'option qui pourrait me libérer des chaînes de ce monde |
English | Please just hear my story and help me cope I don't exactly know how to start this but I guess I'll begin by saying that I feel like my trust has been betrayed in a way that is irreparable, and I simply don't have the skills or the headspace to cope with my life turning upside down in the way that it has I'm using a throwaway because I'm basically going to bleed my heart out in the hopes that in the full picture maybe I'm not a complete waste of space I've been dealt in my opinion an extremely difficult hand to play in life My parents divorced before I was even old enough to have a memory of them together My mother got custody Her profession of choice was to strip for money This lead to me being in a very hyper sexualized environment to the extent of being given explicit magazines at as young as years old These obviously have completely distorted my view on what sex should be like or how a relationship should look or what beauty looks like in women Money always came first to my mother and that was fine for our relationship until I turned about and started to think for myself At that point the abuse started nothing physical but emotional and mental abuse was the preferred type of warfare Isolation was where it started and then fearmongering invasions of privacy gaslighting you name it, and she probably would resort to it Everything was a struggle and I found it extremely hard to socialize in places where she wasn't around like in school because at the end of the day I was always walking into a lion s den I found myself acting out often even getting expelled in the grade because of behavior issues and threats I made to students because I didn't have a healthy way to deal with the constant feeling of being an outcast But tonight isn't about my mother that's just where I feel like it all starts Tonight is about my absolute failure to do the one thing I feel like we're all biologically programmed to do find someone who loves me I feel like it goes without saying after my first brick of text that my mother didn't love me In fact I can't be certain any woman ever has There's an extreme wealth of mistakes and poor choices in my past that I made instead of learning to socialize I was raised by the ideals of a stripper who knew about as much about love as a room scriptwriter Sadly I tried to put some of those ideals to practice and found it backfire in my face every single time Dating websites don't work for me perhaps because I'm ugly or stupid or again just poorly socialized but I don't receive the time of day from women on them And I'm so stupidly desperate to be loved that I've fallen foolishly for cc phishing scams more than once in my life I'm not even that old That isn't to say that I haven't had girlfriends In fact a major contribution to my crisis tonight is from a relationship coming to an abrupt and disastrous end But even when I get a girlfriend I taint the relationship somehow Insecurity from experience always bubbles it's way to the surface and causes me to panic and self-destruct I can't even have a healthy sexual relationship because I'm so fucked up in the head that even after a literal hour of trying with one of my sexual partners I've never been able to orgasm And one of my main aspirations in life is to have a family of my own but that's unachievable without the whole y know baby making aspect of it But despite all of that I thought I had found someone special Someone who was going to break the mold Someone who made me feel better and in fact even made me feel like I was capable of being something more than the tormented mess I've become She was so intoxicating it was an immediate and unshakable attraction like being pulled into a black hole But then the gravity tore me to pieces We had talked about our future we had similar goals in mind including marriage and a family if everything worked out Sure our relationship had it s hardship I'm not exactly prone to making things easy for myself but it felt like we were starting to pull up and level out That was until her friend decided to take it upon herself to accuse me of something pure evil She went out of her way to go to the dark web to fabricate pictures that made it look like I had been charged for sexual assault at several stages of my life I would never do anything so disgusting as to do something like that and I know that my background is clean Unfortunately the woman I was with didn't feel the same and once provided with this evidence immediately and permanently walked out of my life I wasn't even given a chance to defend myself or run a background check on myself online to prove that it wasn't true At this point I'm not even sure it would ve matter if I had To think that someone who was supposed to love me and support me unconditionally thinks that I could be capable of something so heartless has completely torn me apart I have to force myself to eat even though I feel like I'm going to puke up every bite I can't sleep which is why I'm writing this now I've resorted to cutting something I haven't done in almost a decade I've tried calling the local crisis line but the man I was connected to made me feel like I was wasting his time because I wasn't explicitly stating that I was going to kill myself right that second And then Macedonia is overwhelming Nothing takes my mind off of it not gaming not music not YouTube not my job not drugs not alcohol not writing not singing Nothing that used to make me happy I feel empty To have something I worked so hard to try and have been a healthy influence in my life taken away by someone s selfish desire to have me out of the picture has destroyed me I feel like my life has no meaning or value I can't even hardly support myself on my pitiful income My cat doesn't even have food right now and I feel like I'm failing a life I'm supposed to be supporting I can't find love and even if I did, it would just be snatched away from me like there's a cosmic conspiracy to make sure I'm constantly beat down and miserable If this is all that life has to offer I don't feel like it's worth living any more I don't have an exact plan for ending my life yet but I'm certainly of the belief that the space I'm occupying the air I'm snatching from the world could be put to better use in someone who actually has the tools the hope and the willpower to be successful I was never taught how to cope with my problems only to bottle them and well the bottle is full I can't take it anymore I can't live alone like this My birthday is on the horizon and I feel like even if I live to see it it'll be my last I'm one push away from coming off the edge and at this point I almost welcome the fall |
French | Je me sens comme un fardeau pour le monde, je ne veux vraiment pas vivre, je pense souvent au suicide et à la façon dont certaines personnes pourraient être tristes, mais je pense aussi à quel point je suis un tas d'ordures inutiles et comment je ne contribue rien au monde, je respire juste l'air de tout le monde, je me sens coupable, il y a tellement de culpabilité que cela me blesse presque physiquement, mais je ne peux rien dire aux gens que je connais. |
French | Il est extrêmement difficile d'exprimer correctement exactement ce que je ressens et chaque pensée sous-jacente que j'ai été diagnostiqué avec deux syndromes psychiatriques qui seront avec moi pour le reste de ma vie. |
English | Broken record can't communicate because of this depression I want to latch onto someone and explain these years of abuse self-hate amp my medical excuses to stay in this permanent fog of misery a decade of pain gt and a few sunny days |
English | I don't want to be neurodivergent anymore don't want to be autistic anymore I want to understand people I want to know why they get mad at me and I want to know when I m in the right because I hate myself so deeply I can't trust myself any more I want to know why they leave and know what I did wrong People think I'm normal when they meet me and make no room for mistakes I don't want to have Tourette s anymore because I have to constantly hold my breath, and it hurts People think I can control it and just stop They get upset when I say it doesn't work like that I'm too afraid to end my life for so many reasons, but I can't stop thinking about how my birth must have been a mistake |
English | Being on lockdown is highlighting everything that is wrong in my life I was able to ignore it before by going through a routine of going to work cooking dinner taking care of the dogs AA meetings and then whatever distraction my phone provided But now work has figured out how little I have to do working from home and I wonder if they won't cut my hours or something It's a very dull job I m overqualified for I have a couple of friends but I haven't dated in two to three years and I think my chance at having a family of my own has passed me by There are other much deeper issues I m terrified the virus is going to take away everyone I love and leave me alive to suffer through it, I can't stop looking at the news I think it would destroy my family if I ended it but it's so tempting right now right before things really go to hell |
English | What's the reason to live when you're useless I can't study I can't get a job I can't do anything I'm a parasite I know I should try harder but it's no use I don't know what else to do other than just curl up and die once and for all Every day is a constant reminder that I should be dead and not living like a parasite I don't even know why I'm posting here nobody can help me Guess I'm just venting until the inevitable happens |
English | Can't believe I'm here again was well for a good while A little over a year Now I'm back where I started just wishing I were dead having thoughts of slitting my throat or hanging myself but knowing I don't have the ability to do either properly It is all the more painful having known what it felt like to be well Trying to work has been like swimming through thick mud I don't want to eat and when I do, it makes me feel sick Feeding and walking my dog feels like a monumental task I don't want to shower I don't want to get out of bed in the morning I don't know for sure but I suspect I have ADHD I work in an office job and it has been a mighty struggle even in good times to stay on task An actual hour day of work generally takes me hours to achieve Obviously I'm not supposed to work that way but I can't help it I feel chained to my desk I feel overwhelmed I know I am lucky to be employed but it feels tenuous and like I'm fooling everyone How much longer can I really expect to pull this off |
English | I wants i m currently in a state where I cry myself to sleep at night I pray that I will die when sleeping just to get away from this My head is FM king me I just want to die, but I can't kill myself I want to die I don't know what to do I just wished I crashed heart attack die in sleep what pills can I take to die and how many think that is the only way for me to kill myself It's good because I can't puke I need to leave now |
French | Quelqu'un s'il vous plaît me montrer la meilleure façon de mourir Quelqu'un s'il vous plaît me tuer maintenant ou me montrer la façon la plus rapide de mettre fin à cette vie C'est complètement des conneries que j'ai eu tout volé de moi, et je ne suis pas motivé pour faire quoi que ce soit Nous sommes pour toujours esclaves du capitalisme qui est fondamentalement Auschwitz, et nous sommes tous un numéro dans ce jeu de conneries |