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14qsr53

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/autumnsnowflake_ in r/migraine** trigger warnings: >!brain tumor!< --- &nbsp; [**I’m exhausted from just living AND working**](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/11gxm01/im_exhausted_from_just_living_and_working/) - March 3, 2023 This is just a vent. How the hell am I supposed to do this? I get up every day to work, to do things, to talk to my colleagues even though I don’t want to. I am exhausted. These things suck the living energy out of me. They trigger me to a point of no return. I can’t trust my manager either. How are people around me not aware that almost all jobs are toxic? Like how do they do this? I am trying all I can go just get by. To make money to live. When am I supposed to relax and actually live though?? The system is literally rigged against me. I can’t leave my job because I need money to live. Before you say “just get a new job then” please realise I would most likely just get another office job that would also suck. The interview process in itself is also triggering af. I don’t wanna go through it again. I don’t have a support network that would have my back if I lost my job either. So I try my best every day but it’s so so hard, **I’m anxious all the time to the point where I forget to eat and drink and have migraines**. I am so fucking burnt out from living and working, how the hell am I supposed to heal when I can’t? If I stop working there will be a gap on my resume and employers may not hire me lmao. Who the fuck even came up with this fucking system. I feel like a traumatized slave. &nbsp; &nbsp; [**Today I found out my migraines, dizziness, problem with focus, double vision and pain in the back of my skull were actually a brain tumour.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/migraine/comments/13b8ziy/today_i_found_out_my_migraines_dizziness_problem/) - May 7, 2023 They found out today while doing an MRI scan. After it was over I was relieved at how smoothly it went, but then they suddenly called me shortly after to ask me to come back. You can imagine I was freaking out and shaking and, unfortunately, the worst came to be true. The doctor showed me the tumour (at the base of my brain) affecting coordination, vision, some numbness in the left side of my body, muscle weakness, causing headaches and nausea. Every symptom, explained. I was in such shock I broke down and I could barely speak. He walked with me to the ER where an emergency neurosurgeon would come see me shortly. They did so many tests and took a lot of blood plus injected stuff directly into my veins. I have like 7 more holes in my body now. Anyway they’ve given me some pills that have made me calmer so I’m no longer freaking out as much but I can’t really sleep cause I’m still afraid. May I add I’m also only 30 years old. Right now I am particularly afraid of losing my eye sight and basically not waking up after the surgery. I literally cannot grasp the potential that I may not wake up. One last thing I’m afraid of is the tumour potentially being cancerous. What the bell would do then. Cerebellum is the part of the brain that is affected if you are interested. They also said most of the tumour is like fluid. Edit: I should have specified. The tumour is preventing brain fluids from moving down to my spinal cord. Since they can’t do that, they just stayed there pressing on other parts of the brain. If anyone is interesting in more warning signs (the ones I’ve been having), just ask. And if you have any tips how I can manage this freaking anxiety about not surviving this, pls tell me. Friends feel me these surgeries are performed a lot so I need not be afraid. I don’t know if they’re lying to me. &nbsp; [**(UPDATE after surgery) Today I found out my migraines, dizziness, problem with focus, double vision and pain in the back of my skull were actually a brain tumour.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/migraine/comments/13ktitw/update_after_surgery_today_i_found_out_my/) - May 18, 2023 Can’t believe I’m writing this but here I am. I am told the mri after and the surgery went well. I’m still waiting for biopsy though so I’m super tense. I’m so worried. So worried. But I can handle it somehow, no? This is your sign to get tested if you haven’t already. Currently my sister is taking care of me. My brother is literally in Denmark with my parents gone. I wish I didn’t have to be sick. Some of you called me brave or gave other helpful advice. I really appreciate it. In the next few days they’ll be removing my surgery whatever. Scars or scabs I don’t know what they’re called but they’re at the back of my head. I also will have to schedule an mri appointment. I am so scared you all. I’ll be honest with you. I’m just 30. I don’t want to be gone yet. As for symptoms they came one after another. First dizziness. Then migraines and you know how they can get. Later on ringing in my ear. Not being able to focus. Never everything at once. What have I done wrong?… &nbsp; [**Got laid off after 8 years and told I had a brain tumour within the same week.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14ctu7j/got_laid_off_after_8_years_and_told_i_had_a_brain/) - June 18, 2023 It didn’t matter that I had an operation and was fighting for my life in the hospital. To my company and the HR rep, I am just a number. They said the decision to let me go was irreversible. I was already going through so much pain but they literally didn’t care. I’m so upset over this. I’m so worried about what will happen to me in the future, too. A part of me wants revenge. I’m only 30. &nbsp; [**[Update #2] Today I found out my migraines, dizziness, problem with focus, double vision and pain in the back of my skull were actually a brain tumour.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/migraine/comments/14jw3dc/update_2_today_i_found_out_my_migraines_dizziness/) - June 26, 2023 Hi guys. First of all, thank you for all your support. It really made all the difference for me and still does. Second of all, I’m making this post since some of you have asked me for a more detailed explanation of my symptoms and such. I understand this. My aim is not to make anyone feel more scared, however. Like a neurosurgeon said to me “49 out of 50 people with my symptoms do not have a tumour in their brain.” I’m not sure why I “won” this lottery and became that one out of 50 with symptoms that actually had a finding on their MRI, but no one has an answer to that, I guess. Hopefully you’ll be able to find what you need in what I assume will be a longer post. What actually happened to me? I started showing symptoms one by one around the beginning of Dec’22 -> visited my general doctor, not very concerned at this point -> visited one neurologist in March’23 who wasn’t very nice to me -> she prescribed B6 vitamin, more painkillers and muscle relievers, believing what I was having were migraines, but it was better to check -> i went to the ER after the last migraine in May’23 -> was told migraines were pretty common and that no specialist would come look at me since my condition wasn’t bad enough -> I went for one MRI a couple of days later, in May’23 -> they called me back because they had found a tumour in my cerebellum, preventing cerebrospinal fluid from flowing further to my body -> suddenly my condition was life-threatening, so a neurologist and neurosurgeon came -> they kept me in the hospital and operated after 4 days for 9 hours. In that same week, around 4 days prior, I also got the news that I was being laid off after 8 years, by the way. But I guess that is a post for another time/thread. So what actually were my symptoms? Dizziness - especially at night, I mainly felt it at the back of my head, but also everywhere in my skull. I would wake up at 3am because my head was spinning. I would also feel some pain in the back of my head/at top of neck at this point. The pain was kind of relentless, but usually manageable with painkillers. I had something similar before, so I didn’t give it much thought. Headaches and 3 migraines in total - I had pain in the back of my head (where the neck and the head meet), which I thought was the result of stress and anxiety. As for the migraines, which was why I joined this sub, on one occasion I couldn’t see peripherally for a while (after my visiting the office so I thought it was the lights there that triggered it), with another one i felt weakness in my muscles, especially my left leg which felt hard to control for a while. These + pain preceded the actual migraines, which I can’t even compare to a regular headache. They hurt so much, even though I took painkillers. I just thought I was developing migraines with an “aura”. Head pressure - this one I felt mostly when I tensed my muscles in some way. Think exercise or when going to the toilet. Thinking back to it, this was something I had never experienced before, yet I had no experience with tumours, so I just thought that was “normal” or something else. It was like all the tension from my body gathered in my head, causing me to feel pain there. Throbbing pain in the back of my head - I’ve mentioned this before. Let’s say I was talking to my colleagues, for example. That was enough stress to make me feel throbbing pain in the back of my head (literally the location of the tumour). Like I said, I would also feel it at night, or once when I was out with people that made me feel stressed. I thought it was stress or a bad posture and that it would eventually stop. Nausea, vomiting - I actually vomited around 2-3 times during those 5 or so months. They tell you that people who have a brain tumour vomit all the time and also have seizures (that their symptoms are really, REALLY bad all the time); that didn’t feel like the case for me personally, but maybe they were talking about different cases. When I had one migraine at night, I remember I vomited. It also happened one morning when I felt nauseous (the vomiting, not the migraine). Other than that? No vomiting, just a general feeling of nausea, especially in the morning. Double vision - so this one developed as one of the last symptoms. A few weeks before my MRI, I started seeing double, especially if something was further away from me. I normally wear glasses so I thought “wait, maybe this comes with age and is normal?” Yeah no, it was actually caused by the brain tumour, it seems. I also found it a bit challenging to walk since I didn’t see well and got dizzy. This was days before the MRI. Edit: I also had tinnitus in my right ear which would show up mainly when I would lie down Things like getting up too fast would also make me feel pain in my head. I also remember I felt some sharp pain in the front of my head on a few occasions, forehead and temple area. People thought I had a sinus infection back then. Thats it. If I remember anything else I’ll edit it in. I also remember feeling like my manager didn’t really believe me back then, which was infuriating. Thinking back to if, should I have known? I had no idea, I was not the kind of person to think of the worst case scenario when it came to health. Plus all my symptoms came slowly one by one and happened sporadically. Needless to say that when I found out, I was in so much shock. What is actually happening right now? I am a month and 3/4 after my cerebellum surgery. They performed a craniotomy there, saving my life and giving me a huge scar in the process. The scar is slowly healing, the surrounding hair (which they had to shave off) is slowly growing back, I am still quite tired and moving fast or reading a lot make me feel dizzy and nauseous, but I’m doing better than I was. In the beginning, I still had double vision, felt so weak I couldn’t walk to the bathroom by myself (I even fainted for the first time in my life in the hospital, trying to go to the bathroom), I was shaking, I also developed a cough and an eczema on my hands. It was quite something. My sister had to inject my belly to prevent blood clots and gave me medications, too. But like I said, I’m slowly getting better. So yeah, what I and my doctors thought were migraines was actually a cerebellar brain tumour. According to the biopsy (the wait was one of the worst times of my life), it’s benign - called a pilocytic astrocytoma WHO grade 1. I am thankful for this (even cried happy tears when I found out), although they had to leave 5% of it in my brain, since it is attached to my brain stem. I have no idea what to expect, but the options are monitoring or something like chemotherapy or radiotherapy. Yeah and of course I will have to go for MRI’s for the rest of my life, I don’t know how I feel about this. To be honest, I am terrified. :’) I also found out one of the lymph nodes on my neck is swollen. I have no idea if this is because of the operation, because the cerebrospinal fluid is now flowing downwards, or something else. Frankly, this experience has given me so much health anxiety that I do think about the worst case scenario (i.e. cancer or death) with almost every symptom I have. Again, I feel scared, I think that is normal to some extent. One thing that no one talks about is the impact of the hospital stay and the operation on one’s mental health. I was very, very depressed in the beginning. I genuinely did not want to live, since my situation felt so hopeless (it still feels pretty bad). I cried so much, felt very embarrassed and guilty somehow. I had pretty bad dreams which I thought were real (at one point I thought I was dying and my organs were about to be shipped to Australia; I had to check with my sister). I have recently made an appointment to go see a psychologist to tell them everything, what I’ve been through, what I saw there. I want to process this trauma eventually since this all was way too much to take in for one person. I want to tell them about how this has made me feel, that they put like 7 different needles in my body, that I was completely dependent on nurses, that I was in a life-threatening situation, that I was scared, and that I somehow made it out alive. Feel free to ask if you have any questions at all and if I can help you somehow. I may edit or add to this post later on, for now I’m going to sleep since I’m very tired. Take care guys, honestly. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Today I found out my migraines, dizziness, problem with focus, double vision and pain in the back of my skull were actually a brain tumour.

ONGOING

GRADIUSIC_CYBER

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qsr53/today_i_found_out_my_migraines_dizziness_problem/

14qu9gf

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/cloud_child_ in r/AITAH\*\* trigger warnings: >!OCD?!< mood spoilers: >!Sad!< [AITA for telling my mother I don’t want her at my wedding???](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/145z53a/aita_for_telling_my_mother_i_dont_want_her_at_my/) \- Jun 10, 2023 I, 21F, am getting married to my fiancé next week, my fiancé (23M), let’s call him Wesley. My mother since I was a child has had severe OCD, which came along being a huge germophobe, such as making me wash my hands and feet 3 times (with a dove soap bar, nothing else or they’re not clean) anytime I got into the house. Like, water, soap, lather and rinse, 3 times in a row in front of her. Even if I just stepped outside for a second you had to wash. Understandably, it is a bit of a pain but I love her and she cant help her condition. Another thing at 11pm every night she has to walk around the house and flick each light switch 10 times. And then disinfect each and every switch because she touched them. She has been very accepting of Wesley, and treated him like he was her own son. Cooked for him, let him stay, and generally just lovely. When I told him about the washing hands and feet thing, he was also very understanding and applied the method. Last year, I told my mother about the wedding, and she was very happy in the beginning. Until after we started making preparations she started telling me what to do. For instance, for the venue me and Wesley planned to go to this beautiful place that had ruins of a castle next to the sea during the summer. We only had an hour slot for the ceremony, to which after we would be moving to a hotel to have a meal and dance. My mother advised me to change the venue because she didn’t like the fact we chose somewhere outside for the ceremony because “no one would be clean”. I argued it was what we wanted, and that it is our wedding, not hers. She then went silent about it for the following time after that, never mentioned it. When choosing my wedding dress, I invited her along, and she argued with me that other people will have been in them so they’re not clean. And then forced me to not even wear the wedding dresses, just to have the assistant hold them up in front of me. My wedding is now next week, and yesterday my mother called me and asked for me to change the venue as there will be no sinks so people could wash their hands and feet. To which I replied, I am not having over 70 guests individually wash their hands and feet 3 times. Especially with the slot we have, it would take a huge chunk of everything. She started yelling at me that everything will go wrong, and that she’s disappointed in me because “I should know the rules”. I refused to change my venue, as it would be difficult to find another in such short time and me and Wesley have wanted this place for a while. She told me she will sort something out, and a few hours ago, she sent me a screenshot from eBay of someone selling 5 tanks of water from them little water dispenser things you would usually find in an office. And a box full of dove soap from her cupboard. I rang her up and to inform her I think it’s best if she didn’t attend, as the wishes she wants are impacting MY wedding. She ended the call without saying anything, and then posted on facebook I was “no daughter of hers” and that “I didn’t love her”. …AITA? [UPDATE - AITA for telling my mother I dont want her at my wedding??](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/149yxxv/update_aita_for_telling_my_mother_i_dont_want_her/) \- June 15, 2023 Hi everyone, hopefully you have seen my original post. You might find it on my profile. Here the update to those who wanted it. The wedding was yesterday, I absolutely had the best time of my life and have made the best memories. I took people’s advice, and I had told my friends (bridesmaids and maid of honour) about the situation to which they helped me create a zoom link that one of my friends would host for her to watch. I sent her this link early in the morning so she could see in time for the ceremony at 5pm. She left this on read. She never attended the call. We noticed 6/7 people had cancelled last minute, to which when they were questioned by other people who knew them as to why, they replied saying they wouldn’t want to watch me get married due to how I treated my Mother (influenced by my mothers out of context facebook post.) After the ceremony, we went to the hotel as planned and then during the dance, one of my mums friends pulled me aside and asked as to why I was so disrespectful to my mother. From this I felt extremely guilty, but I explained my side of the story, which she didn’t believe, so she then left early and whispered things to other people who noticeably left earlier. Around 3 left due to her gossip. During the night, I sent her photos of which people who attended took, and what I took, of little family photos and me at the altar, walking down the aisle. A photo of Wesley crying when seeing me in a wedding dress. She left these on read. Highlight of my night was my Dad telling me my Mother tried to give a wedding gift, but he checked what was in the box before he came and it was a bar of dove soap… So he just left it at home. Made me chuckle a little. After the wedding, me and Wesley stayed a night in the hotel we had the party and meal, and I received a text from my maid of honour of a screenshot of a facebook post my mother had made. A quote she posted. I’ve attached it. Then, when I go to check this facebook post, I see she has blocked me of facebook, so that I couldn’t even see her profile any more. This was a final straw, so I texted her a long paragraph. Basically saying how I love her, but she needs psychiatric help and therapy/meds. I also said how the facebook posts were unnecessary, when we both know I retracted the invite as I was looking out for her, not because I didn’t love her. Additionally, I said whether she realised it or not, she was losing me as a daughter, and it didn’t have to be like this - I also said it is now her choice to take the help she needs or not, because I can’t force her to improve her own mentality. She has left this on read too. This situation has been taken way too far, but I can’t and will not enable and feed into her compulsions and obsessions any more. I love her, but I can’t take this behaviour any more. Thank you for your support, I am very grateful for all the advice, I have had a great wedding and felt like a princess. You’re all so sweet! Thank you! \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

AITA for telling my mother I don’t want her at my wedding???

CONCLUDED

PresidentStone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qu9gf/aita_for_telling_my_mother_i_dont_want_her_at_my/

14qx7g7

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Jadeeyes_ in r/AmITheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!none?!< mood spoilers: >!sad, frustrating!< --- &nbsp; [**WIBTA if I didn't let my daughter's father into her life?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wa60xi/wibta_if_i_didnt_let_my_daughters_father_into_her/) - July 28, 2022 Some background: When I [20F] was 16, I was in love with Matt who was two years older than me. We were just friends until we started spending more time together, but we never really put a label onto our relationship and he always dodged answering when I would ask him if we were exclusive. It wasn't long before we started sleeping together. We kept this up for a few years. Around the time I was turning 18, I find out he joined the Air Force in honor of his deceased father. He promised to keep in touch but did the exact opposite. To my surprise, he left me a gift in the form of a baby and I had a hard decision to make. After hearing the heartbeat, I couldn't deny that I wanted the child and decided to keep the child. And eventually gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, naming her Jade. But because our relationship was pretty hush hush, I decided not to tell anyone who the father was. I told everyone I didn't know who he was and it costed me my reputation. With the support of my parents and very few friends, I was able to raise my daughter into the adorable little girl she is today. And she turns 2 years old in just a few days. Well, earlier today I went shopping with my daughter and I bumped into Matt, apparently he's returned. I tried to ignore and avoid him but he started chasing after me and asking questions about my daughter. I paid for our stuff and got home but he followed me. It didn't take him long to piece anything together and realized that Jade was our daughter. He started begging me to be in her life. I don't really trust him to be in her life but I'm starting to feel guilty. I don't want him to not have a relationship with his own daughter... but I don't want him to hurt her like he hurt me. Would I be the AH if I told him to stay TF away? Or should I give him a chance with her? **Some additional info from OOP in comments** >He wanted to keep our relationship a secret, especially from his mother. We weren't even officially dating, and he avoided talking about being exclusive. >When I was pregnant, I asked his mom to see if I can contact him through her (I couldn't get through to him no matter how hard I tried). And she looked at me and said if it was his, she would sue me and take the baby away from me. That's when I started to say I had no idea who the father was and kept it hidden. >When we first started sleeping together, it seemed he only wanted to be around me to sleep with me. Otherwise he was most likely ashamed to be seen with me in public. We were always hiding when we were together and if his mom ever caught us, she'd chase me away and he would let her while telling her some excuse as to why we were together. I tried to break it off multiple times but he always swore up and down it wouldn't happen, he'd like to take me out on dates, etc. He wouldn't let me go. It wasn't until he left for the air force is when he went completely silent. I tried my best to contact him, I even asked his mom, and she refused. >Now he's back and he's trying to get in my pants again while he's begging to be in Jade's life. I know that once he gets what he wants, he will likely just leave again. **OOP is voted YTA** &nbsp; [**I let my daughter's father into her life after being judged on reddit. I regret it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14kezak/i_let_my_daughters_father_into_her_life_after/) - June 27, 2023 in r/TwoHotTakes Just about last year, I posted on AITA asking if I should or shouldn't let my daughter's father into her life? I tried to post an update but the community denied me and I decided to move on since I was harshly judged anyway. But with new issues popping up, I decided to come to reddit once more. To summarize my AITA post: Matt, a childhood friend of mine and the man I had feelings for, and I had slept together. He left for the Air Force and left me with a baby. What I didn't mention in the post was that I tried to tell him but he blocked me or something and refused to contact me. I've tried to go to his mother, but she refused to contact him for me and stated she'd sue me for custody of the baby if it was his. Knowing she was serious, I went with the narrative that I had no idea who the father was and raised Jade with help from my parents. 2 years passed and I bumped into him at a store. He asked me questions about Jade and followed me home, then put together that Jade was his and asked to be in her life. Some extra information: Matt and my relationship was very hush hush. If we went out and he saw someone he knew, he would leave me to go with them. My family used to be very close with him until his dad died, and then his mom suddenly hated us and did not want him around me. His family is also wealthy and this was why I took it seriously when his mom threatened to sue me for custody of Jade if she knew she was Matt's. Now for the update and beyond that: I told a friend that knew both me and Matt pretty closely, and she had become my best friend. She decided to have her brother draw up a contract for me to use so that I can safely have Matt in Jade's life without me having to worry. I told Matt and we both signed the contract and my friend had her brother do his thing to notarize it. The first thing he asked me once everything was signed was that if this meant we could sleep with each other again. I said no and stayed firm that this wasn't for us, this was for them. It wasn't long before I learned he was engaged to someone else anyway, so I was confused on why he even asked. Whenever he came to see Jade, he would complain about his fiancee and how his mom is making him marry her. I didn't say anything about it until he started flirting with me and asking to be with me. I told him he is engaged and I am not going to be the other woman and neither is my daughter. He proceeds to bring her to the place I work at and break up with her there. Which in turn, she comes up to me and tells me that people talk and she knows what I've been doing. I felt guilty about it first, but Matt really stepped up after that happened. He became even more attentive towards Jade and spent as much time with her as possible and even revealed himself as the father to my parents and everyone else. I found myself hoping for us to become a family and rekindling my feelings for him. He convinced me that he was serious about us and I began sleeping with him again. I had found out from someone else that he was going to be sent out again and I confronted him and asked if he was going to tell me. He said he was and that this time, he will keep in contact with me and Jade. He went and was doing okay for a while. He contacted us every Friday. But then suddenly he stopped contacting me. He wouldn't answer my calls or texts. It was like the past all over again. I tried asking his mom and she just brushed me aside and told me to do a DNA test so she can either take custody of Jade or take me to court for falsifying Matt as the father. It didn't help that I learned he was engaged, once again, to that woman. And that I learned that I was pregnant once again. That is where my update ended. But now I have more, which inspired me to come back to reddit. It’s been 8 months since then, and I have moved into a new house and left my old house behind. I wish I could say that I found a new love, but that’s not the case. I don’t even think I’d be capable of finding someone new right now with two kids under my belt. I’ve been scared to get back out there after my experience with Matt. But that’s not what I’m posting about. I think I’m afraid of what would happen when he returns in a few months. I don’t know if he would come looking for us again or if I should even let him back into our lives. I’ve tried for months to get a hold of him, with no success. I’ve even tried letters, going through friends, etc. My best friend’s brother has a friend that’s in his unit and they can use phones, have service and such but I have no idea why he pulled the disappearing act again. Or why he’s engaged and set to marry that woman again. Jade stopped asking for him months ago. Just after he broke her heart. She’s cried for him so many times, I’m happy she’s forgotten him because she’s back to her usual happy go lucky self. But I really don’t think I’m going to make the mistake again and let him back into our lives. It’s better without it. So you guys can judge me and tell me I’m horrible, but I know what’s best for my daughter and now my son. Thank you for reading this far and I hope I won’t have to update again! To those of you that supported me, thank you! EDIT: ((I also posted this in the comments)) I want to say, it's hard being so harshly judged again. My blinders for my feelings towards Matt has really caused some real issues for me and my family and I know that's my own fault and no one else's. No, reddit didn't tell me to sleep with him again. Reddit told me to have him in her life, which is what I did. Sleeping with him was on me and I do know that. I should have stopped him when he refused to wear condoms. I should have just said no to sleeping with him. That's on me and I already know that. My thing was that the community harshly shamed me for keeping Matt from Jade when I knew he was in it to get to me. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I did agree that Jade should have her father in her life. I've read most of the comments and I've decided to look into getting a lawyer. I won't allow Matt in again, because him leaving again really woke me up. To those who think that this is fake or there's some story out there that sounds like mine, I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish this was some story but this is really happening to me, as unfortunate as it is. The reason I left out so much from my original post was honestly because of the word count limit. I didn't know that leaving it out would cause such a harsh judgment. **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Marking as concluded since OOP has had 2 bad experiences posting here, I'm hoping there won't be another.**

OOP comes to Reddit for judgment. One year later, regrets it.

CONCLUDED

Johannes_Chimp

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qx7g7/oop_comes_to_reddit_for_judgment_one_year_later/

14qz19r

**I'm not the original poster! OG post was made by** u/liz-gillies **in** r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix TW: >!Death maybe?!< Mood Spoiler: >!Not really a happy ending!< # [i am losing my fucking mind](https://www.reddit.com/r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/xrj5wl/i_am_losing_my_fucking_mind/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (9/29/22) i was never one to believe in paranormal shit or whatever but i have no idea what the fuck is going on with me right now and i'm genuinely considering seeking professional help. i live in a really small shared "dorm" apartment with two roommates. there's this hallway that if you face it there are two bedrooms to your right, one bedroom to your left, and a closet at the end of the hallway facing you. the bedroom on the left is right next to the closet. when we moved in my roommate always complained that they got a closet instead of a bathroom like me and my other roommate had in our rooms. this closet has a bunch of our shared stuff including my clothes, gifts, keepsakes, whatever. today i got back from visiting my parents and i came back to put away some clothes from this closet but i opened it and saw a fucking bathroom. a bathroom with a toilet and a shower and everything. i was only gone for 2 days and we rent this place so it couldnt have been randomly built or some shit. i told my roommates but THEY FUCKING SAID IT WAS ALWAYS A FUCKING BATHROOM and they had NO idea what the hell i was talking about. i cant find any of the stuff that was in that closet anymore even though i had a shit ton of MEMORABLE KEEPSAKES IN THAT FUCKING CLOSET. WHAT THE FUCK?? i spent all day just sulking in my room feeling miserable. i am NOT crazy but that bathroom WAS A FUCKING CLOSET JUST THREE DAYS AGO. I FEEL LIKE IM LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND. i'm genuinely considering seeing a psychologist right now. **Update on 10/15/22 (Same post)** i have a brain tumor. &#x200B; &#x200B; **Marked concluded as OOP hasn't been active on their account since their edit.** **Reminder: I'm not the original poster!**

OOP thinks they're going insane

INCONCLUSIVE

Acceptable_Tie_5984

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qz19r/oop_thinks_theyre_going_insane/

14qzh4a

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/PollutionOnly **TIFU by eating before my SO arrived so that she wouldn't steal my food** **Originally posted to** r/tifu **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Mentions of eating disorders!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/14au9ms/tifu_by_eating_before_my_so_arrived_so_that_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 16, 2023** The fuck up happened today but it has been going on for months before I had to spill the beans. For additional context, I will add that my SO and I have been together for a bit more than 6 years and that we have taken the habit of going to the restaurant once a week or at the very minimum once every two weeks. We often go to the same restaurants and they are very close to my workplace so it is no surprise for her that I would already be there or would have already ordered a drink before she arrives. Most people like their food, others like other people's food even more and my SO is one of the latter. When we go to the restaurant, she will order something she likes and I will order something I like too. The issue is that no matter how hard I tried, she cannot resist picking things on my plate before she attacks her own. She does it under the pretense that my food "looks good" or "tastes better than hers". Well, a few months ago, I have seen an image of someone stating that they work at a restaurant and that a guy always came 45 minutes early and ordered food, ate then asked the waiter to set the table as if he just sat down. When his wife would arrive, he would order the exact same thing as he ordered minutes prior and act as if he was "giving it a shot". No need to go into details but I felt like this person was a genius and that I had been blessed with a piece of forbidden knowledge. It was so simple and yet so smart, I couldn't believe I never thought of it. I applied what I had seen on our next date and started doing it every time. Fast forward to the present, we were at the restaurant and the waiter brought the tab, as usual, I stood up, took it, and went to the counter to pay but this time, my SO followed me. When I arrived and pulled out my card to pay, she caught a glimpse of what was written on the machine but said nothing at the time. While we were walking to our respective cars, she explained that she thinks they did a mistake and asked me to check the receipt. At this point, I knew it was over and explained what I had been doing for the past months. I spilled everything from the funny image to how it made our weekly outing a much more enjoyable experience for the both of us since I stopped fighting to protect my precious food and I got to enjoy what I had ordered. She didn't like that I kept it a secret from her and that I once again tried things I had seen online on our relationship but ended up laughing after 20 minutes of me panicking and justifying my actions. ​ EDIT: A few people suggested that we order a third dish to share. We tried but the issue is that she doesn't want to keep doing this as she said that "it just doesn't taste the same", "isn't as fun" and "makes no sense to order a third dish when we both have ours". Please, do not think that I went to such an extent as a way to avoid conversation or compromises, we tried different things but she didn't like any of them and she got fed up with me bringing it up so automatically ended up in arguments. With my FU tho, she realized how far she pushed me and said she will try to be more mindful so we will see how it goes next week! EDIT2: I do not just "let her step over my boundaries", we communicated and tried different things. She most often gets very defensive and I am just fed up arguing about food multiple times a month. We will see how it goes next week though since she said she will be more mindful of how much she does it. EDIT3: Please, don't be so rude toward her and me. I have seen some insulting comments about our relationship and personalities but outside of this topic, everything goes well. We have no issues with each other and communication is good. Don't forget that you are judging off of a post made on a very specific thing. As for the people pointing out how disrespectful her behavior is, you are right. I think with time and how often we got into arguments about it, I lowered my expectations regarding the way she acts when food is involved at a restaurant a bit too much. I appreciate your constructive criticism for those who took the time to make some and will straighten my back again like I used to because it goes both ways. EDIT4: Alright everyone, I get what you are saying and yes you are right, I have my part of responsibilities in the matter since I have allowed her to go as far as she has. I will address the issue again when she comes back home and we'll get to the bottom of it. UPDATE: I made the update in a separate post as it was pretty lengthy and wouldn't fit here. ​ TL;DR My SO always steals food from my plate when we are at the restaurant so I started going early to eat before she arrives and had to spill the beans today. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/14bom9y/tifupdate_eating_before_my_so_arrived_so_that_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 17, 2023** I made this into a separate post as I think it will be easier to read than a regular "edit" or "update" on the original. If you are interested in reading the original post, here is the link. I will also answer some of the questions that were asked repeatedly at the end of this post to avoid the same questions from coming back under this one too. ​ This morning, we both sat down at the table while having our breakfasts and we opened Pandora's box. I told her how I feel regarding her eating habits but also how her disregarding my discomfort made me feel too. I brought up some of the points mentioned by some of the constructive comments since those raised some very interesting points that were worthy of being brought up and to my surprise, instead of keeping a straight face, she broke down crying. She explained that during her childhood and early teenage years, she grew up in somewhat extreme poverty and that since her brother was younger than her (by 3 years), her parents focused more on feeding him than her. She would often eat less so that he would have more and it slowly spiraled into an unhealthy habit even when it wasn't needed still. With time and growing up, she had always been told by everyone that it was normal for her to eat less and that anyways "girls don't need as much food". All of this combined generated (what I would call) a trauma and she bottled everything up without ever addressing those seriously. Fast forward to the end of COVID lockdowns, we started going out to restaurants, snacks, and overall enjoying the outside activities that we couldn't participate in because of the restrictions in place here in Belgium. That's where her habit of picking in my food began and when I started to express that it wasn't something I liked nor enjoyed it stopped, slowed down but ultimately began again after a few months or weeks a time. Contrary to what most of you thought when reading the initial post, I did stop her, and I was firm about it. It only began to be a serious issue 8-9 months ago where she would do it every time we went out and in larger and larger amounts leaving me with less than half of what I had initially ordered. Now though, she agreed to see someone specialized in eating disorders and to work on it with me when we go out. We will take one step at a time and hopefully, we will be able to keep enjoying these moments together. ​ Now for the improvised Q&A: ​ "Why don't you just say no?" / "Why don't you just talk about it?" Do you seriously believe that I would go as far as to eat before she arrives without having ever given her a serious no or discussing the matter? "No way she can't stop, she's just manipulating you" Well, I trusted and trust her. Your comments made me doubt myself more than her but with what she told me today, I am filled with relief and guilt for having had doubts. I do think that her issue should be seen the same way as an addiction, it is not something she can properly overcome by herself and she needs support and help, both of which she will now get. "So you ate 2x the amount of food ?" / "I hope you hit the gym :)" / "You waste food and money by not eating everything" This one seemed to be a pretty big concern for a lot of you but do not worry friends. I wouldn't order a full meal before she arrived. Most often, it would be something I enjoy and that I can eat at my own pace before ordering the real meal with her. It would be a side, a salad, an appetizer,... I am not wasteful and while my job provides enough for me to afford an additional plate when we go out, I wouldn't throw money out of the window by taking 3 bites in a dish and sending it back to the kitchen. "I always share with my partner/husband/SO and I find it insane that you wouldn't want to do the same" I do share a lot of things and food included. My issue never was with sharing but rather with the excessive amount she would take whether or not I was okay with it. "I think there my be a cultural difference and you maybe are from a third-world country" I am from Belgium and we are respectively 26(me) and 27(her) years old. There were many other questions or recurring comments but for the sake of not making this post too long, I will stop here. Special thanks to u/20dollar_nosebleeed , u/Dogamai and u/Rustmutt for their very insightful and constructive comments that helped me get another perspective. (1, 2 and 3) ​ TL;DR Update on my original post **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by eating before my SO arrived so that she wouldn't steal my food

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14qzh4a/tifu_by_eating_before_my_so_arrived_so_that_she/

14r3v2z

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRA9090897 **in** r/relationship_advice mood spoilers: >!tension, disapproval, stress!< &#x200B; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14aekm3/fiancé_27f_threatening_to_call_of_wedding_if_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Thu, Jun 15, 2023 TLDR: After my grandfather's death six months ago, I inherited 90% of his wealth with a no contest will. Granting me not only enough money to never work again, but also a massive estate he claimed was his 'hunting cabin.' It's big enough to fit my Fiancé, my parents, and her parents comfortably. However, I said I didn't want them moving in with us, and now it's turned into a total blowout. To those who will ask, no common law doesn't apply to us, and after a heated debate she agreed to sign a prenup (with witnesses around) if I agreed to buy her a 'nice ring, and a vacation once a year.' She clearly isn't with me for the money. Obviously, this comes off as a 'rich people' problem, but up until 5 months ago I was still living in a one-bedroom apartment working at a rather large supermarket retail store making $12hr, and going to be paying off college debt until I was in my 60's. My Fiancé is still working her nursing job, and we've been fully living together for four years. Some background into our relationship, we met six years ago. There were literally zero issues with us dating, when it came to some sort of conflict we sat down, explained both of our sides like adults, and generally fixed the problem. We've rarely gotten into arguments, and have the same end goals in life, children, grow old together, die be buried next to each other, and have fun whenever we can. I've always had an incredibly distant relationship with her parents, when she introduced me to them, they both stated they 'didn't like me' to my face and thought I 'wasn't good enough.' Her father even said, 'not in my lifetime.' When I asked for his permission to marry his daughter, which I stated the only reason I was doing it was for an olive branch. My parents on the other hand love my Fiancé, they scooped her up like she was one of us from the start. Has never said ANYTHING bad about her in public, nor have they in private. She at least in my parents' eyes is the metaphorical second coming of Christ. During my grandfather's decline in health, I was the first one there. He just got old, and with being old comes complications. I stopped working my 'higher paying' job to work retail to have more time to take care of him, because his other children were 'busy.' This was a very stressful time in our relationship, I had just recently left my job, was not around often, and I myself was super stressed. Recently, I've began the slow move of everything over there. While we still have to 'live' in our apartment until the lease agreement is up, there's nothing against the rules of me moving stuff. I brought it up to my girlfriend how taking care of my grandfather, has really made me realize how important my family is, and that I wanted to know if It was okay for my parents to move into the new house with us. My dad could retire, and my mom can spend the rest of her life relaxing not stressing over bills/debt. (Because I can pay that off over time. I'm not insane enough to pay it all in one go.) She expressed how that was an amazing idea, and how she'd like her parents to move in as well. I laughed at the idea, and asked her if 'she was serious, and why would I want to live in a house with people I don't like, nor want to interact with?' She explained that this could be a good chance at us healing old wounds and making amends. I explained that not only do I not want to heal old wounds, if it was up to me, they wouldn't be coming to the wedding. Obviously this was the wrong thing to say, and now she's giving the ultimatum of 'let them move in, or the wedding is off.' While I can understand her side, I seriously do not want to interact with them in any capacity. They've tried numerous times to get her back with exes, lie about me, even spread a rumor about me being unfaithful, until I pulled up real evidence of me being nowhere near where they said I was thanks to google location. My Fiancé knows all of this, and still wants to try and 'rebuild' a relationship with them. This past week, I've been avoiding her with excuses/white lies. I've been meeting with accountants, lawyers, wedding venue people, and jewelers. I've also been spending all nighters at my grandfather's grave drinking with him, and not getting back home until 4am. To me, it feels like my grandfather is still the only person I can vent my deepest secrets, and frustrations to. Which is why I've come to you Reddit, I feel trapped. On one hand I do not want to live with people I absolutely hate, and on the other hand I do not want to lose the woman of my dreams. I want a third parties' opinion on the matter, with no connection to me whatsoever as I feel it's the best way to make a good judgement without people close to me influencing my choices. I'm more than willing to answer questions and know how this subreddit works because I too am a pizza eating, pimple popping, redditor myself. &#x200B; ***Comments that brought additional info:*** **Amazing\_Cabinet1404** >I really didn’t understand the “she clearly isn’t with me for my money” in the opening paragraph - because, yes OP she is with you for your money. There are a lot of subtle ways to be with someone for their money without making an outright demand for it. She could be planning to quit her job, pay zero expenses and keep her funds to the side, have herself and her parents live in your house for free. > > > >There are many problems. The ultimatum is a huge one, but further than that is you might not have recourse to make her parents leave once they’ve established residency in your home. And what about bills? I’m thinking their contribution will be zero. Will they keep the proceeds from selling their house? Quit their jobs? Expect you to pay all expenses? You’ll end up paying for six people living off you and your money. Do you want to buy their groceries? Pay the utilities? What about spending money? Will your wife be handling them money behind your back to “keep it fair”? Who pays their car? Medical? Retirement? Care when they’re older? To go on trips? > > > >This absolutely will ruin your relationship. It does not take a psychic to see this. They dislike you. They don’t respect you. Do you think they’ll respect your home? Your money? This path is fraught with challenges. Seek financial advice. > > > >Also, why didn’t one of your parents get money? Did they also abandon your grandfather? Do you want to care for them for the rest of your life? I’d reassess that as well. Maybe set up a trust with stipulations so they can live independently. It’s your money do with it in regards to your parents what you will. But you do not owe her parents a free ride (I don’t think you owe your parents one either FWIW). **OOP's Reply:** >First off, thank you for your reply. Much like the 99% of others comments, it really gave me a sense of direction. I'd like to address a few thing as to my thought process, after reading your comment because I did think about what ifs (at least for my parents, which would apply to hers if they moved in. News flash, I'll die before I let them (her parents) move in. > > > >My parents would keep the proceeds from selling their house as I have no need for it. Utilities are not an issue, I own the water rights to a natural aquifer/spring thingy underground, as for power alot of it is solar energy which can keep the house going non-stop as long as it's charged. My Grandfather was one of those 'doomsday the government is out to get out' crazy old men. I knew about the hunting cabin; I just didn't think it was this big or advanced. So I'll literally never need to pay anything on the property other than tax. I planned to have my parents enter a renting contract. > > > >They'd be able to rent out their area and live on the property use it's land or whatever for $1 a month. (Just in case they piss me off I can evict them.) As for insurance, my dad served 23 years in the military and my mom being his wife gets that insurance as well. Unless they run out of money, they'll be paying their own insurance. While technically speaking I'd be buying their groceries, my father and I love to hunt/fish so a lot of our food will be produced on our own. Mom has always wanted a garden, and she can't grow one in the city. Also no, they wouldn't go on trips with us. > > > >As for the hypothetical, if HER parents did move in. I wouldn't be paying for anything, and they'd be paying me the REAL price to live on the property, and extra because I don't like them. You might think California rent is high, the auditor I hired to see the value of the estate valued rent for a ROOM at an extortion level of money, thank god grandpa bought this land when milk cost your left shoelace and a blueberry. > > > >My parents got money, it was nowhere near what I got, but they got a 'fair share.' They didn't abandon my grandfather, infact they visited as often as they could, given my dads work schedule, and the distance. It was never viable to visit more than once - twice a year. The only reason I was so close, was because I went to college in the same state where he lived and stayed because of my Fiancé. > > > >I've already been working closely with accountants and lawyers. Who've all projected me moving in my parents and living with them for the next 30-40 years of my life will not dent my money in any significant way. I've already invested money, and put money into accounts to generate interest. I won't be losing money unless I buy mega yacts, jets, helicopters, super cars. I can't use three of those options, and I hate supercars. I'm happy driving my crappy 12 year old pickup truck, because it works. > > > >I don't expect her parents to respect me, my money, or my home. I've thought in great detail how my parents would be 'independent' of my finances, and my parents have never done me wrong, never given up on me, and encouraged me my entire life. The LEAST I can do is make the rest of theirs something they never dreamed would come true, my dad would've had to work until he died to provide for my mom/take care of the debt they acquired to live/take care of me. I want them to be happy, and I want them to be close. **MckittenMan** >Damn right: > >"I explained that not only do I not want to heal old wounds, if it was up to me, they wouldn't be coming to the wedding." Bad comment to make in the moment but justified. I hate her parents too. You don't need a white picket fence relationship with in-laws, but ideally you want something that's civil... Which doesn't seem possible here. > > > >Every bday, xmas, thanksgiving (whatever you people celebrate)... If those times always results in conflicts, I personally don't think the relationship is worth it. Too much of a strain. This WILL be your life. So, its worth seriously thinking this may be a deal breaker. I know that she was with you prior to your inheritance... She loved you when you were poor... But wealth can change people. And it seems like your wealth has changed her. > > > >The only compromise I could realistically see here, is something like: > >"I would rather set my parents up in a different home, give them a nice place. Cover their life for them. If that means I get to avoid living with your parents." > > > >Living with your parents is the last thing I want to do. I wouldn't be shocked if her parents are suddenly all buddy buddy with you. If they switched up like that, you know its because of the wealth... Don't forget... You're only 26. You have so much life ahead of you. This girl doesn't have to be the one. You could find a relationship that is complete. Where you love spending time with the in-laws and a family that loves you in return. It is honestly a big piece to miss out on. I think the woman of your dreams should come along with a great relationship with her family. That's my take. > > > >If she threatened you over this, that would be the nail in the coffin for me. Fuck right off with your toxic parents then, you're just as toxic yourself if you're threatening me over this. As a curious note, how did you end up as the beneficiary to the will, shouldn't your mom or dad (whoever was blood related) been the beneficiary? I am in support of you embarking a new chapter of your life without her... **OOP's Reply:** >My grandfather changed his will towards the end of his life when he was still coherent enough to make critical choices, it was supposed to be split evenly between my mom (his daughter) and his other kids/their kids. The property was supposed to go to my mom as well, but seeing as I was his primary care taker, the ONLY person willing to check on him, and refused any money he attempted to give me for my work. From what he wrote in his final goodbye letter > > > >"You were the only person who cared for me like Charlotte (my grandma) cared for me. You showed me what true love, and loyalty was. I probably wouldn't have lived this long if it wasn't for you, and your stubborn attitude. Which is why I'm giving you my entire life's work, I know this'll piss a few people off, but screw em! They weren't there for me when I needed it most, you were \[insert my name.\] Pop pop loves you kiddo, just be sure to burry me under the big oak tree. If you're reading this after I'm buried, move my body, it's where I put your grandmothers' ashes, and I want to be with her." > > > >I had to retype that word for word from paper, but that's the reason WHY he changed it I guess. He had to put in some specific stipulation, and name me by name to skip it going to my parents, and in order to make it valid so nobody could contest, he had to name everyone he thought COULD contest and give them money so they couldn't argue 'he forgot about them.' &#x200B; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14bq14c/update_post_fiancé_27f_threatening_to_call_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sat, Jun 17, 2023 This will be my only update post available for this subreddit, in the 48 hours since I've posted that thing took off like a rocket ship. I'd like to start off by thanking everyone for their opinions, while a majority of you told me to leave, others offered compromises, logical alternatives, and gave me questions I didn't even THINK to ask myself. I'll put a TLDR at the bottom, but I probably won't need it. I think this has been the longest 48 hours of my life, reading through comments, responding to them, having meetings IRL, and talking with my Fiancé have REALLY given me clarity on what my next choices in life are going to be. 1 - I've postponed the wedding. While some of you may refer to it as 'calling her bluff,' I call it waiting and seeing. As of right now, we're REALLY talking about how compatible we truly are, going over our goals in life again, and talking in depth about the relationship we want with our inlaws if we got married apparently alot had changed since the last time we talked about it (before I got money, some of you called it). 2 - Yes, she genuinely thought moving her parents in would make my relationship with them better over time. I've expressed that as a result of all they've said/done to me any positive relationship or communication with them will only be done out of necessity. For example if she was pregnant, in the hospital, or any life altering complication or celebration. She did not take this well, but that was expected, but it's important I tell my truth. She believes I'll come around, and try to build a relationship with her parents, but as of right now I can't see myself doing it. 3 - My Parents won't be moving in, as I haven't even asked them yet. I know some of you were confused/assumed it was already happening. It was not, I asked if it was okay if they could. Not TELLING her it was happening. Some of you suggested that maybe moving them in as newlyweds was weird, and suggested building them a small house on property. I didn't think about that, and will talk to my accountant/parents about it whenever that conversation needs to be talked about. Nice idea reddit strangers. 4 - What have I been doing? ALOT of meetings about my future, finances, and setting up trusts/wills. I'll be re-enrolling into school to take classes on business, finances, accounting, and economics as my accountant suggested I do. We're still working on a budget, but as of right now my next steps are furthering my education to manage my newfound wealth and opportunity in a healthy way as to not blow it. As of right now, to be honest I'm emotionally drained. I think think the weight of my grandfathers death is finally hitting me despite it being months later, and the only thing that kept me going was the idea of the wedding day. With that being postponed, I can really only focus on myself, my values, and my emotions. Staying up all night and drinking at a grave site isn't healthy, and I've not only promised myself to cut back on the booze, but also not stay up drinking. I've been thinking about maybe getting into some sort of therapy/grief counselling, but I'd need to make sure that is in the budget with my accountant as that's a long term thing maybe they know someone. 5 - Couples Counselling. To those that suggested it, that's a wonderful idea. However, I'm not sure if I can move past her strange dependent relationship with her parents. Initially I thought I could, but with the 'rose tinted goggles' off I'm starting to see alot of redflags I'm not too confident a therapist/wedding can solve. We both have issues we need to work through, but right now I'm not sure if we'll be working through them together. I know alot of you said to drop the relationship, but I think after six years it's worth giving it a try to save it. Making a choice like that without trying to fix the problem seems silly, but I did expect ALOT of those answers to come through it's just how reddit is. Just know that, I know my worth, I know my values, and I'm not backing down. Maybe we won't work things out, and the relationship will just end. Maybe things will work out, and we can continue. At least for now 48 hours later, it's too soon to tell. 6 - As for the prenup, we haven't signed anything yet. A lot of you were really harping on the 'nice ring, and fancy vacations' once a year thing. While the vacations compromise is indeed concerning, the ring issue is something we've been having conflict on for awhile. My personal opinion before/now is that rings are overpriced, silly, and serve no significant purpose in a relationship. She says that they're a important symbol of love/commitment. The compromise to the prenup in regards to the ring was, I actually buy her a 'better' ring than I already had. Which sounds super predatory in those words, but it makes sense in my mind. She doesn't want a 'titanic heart of the ocean' style jewelry piece, just something a bit more noticeable, I probably should've elaborated on that in my original post, but hey we all make mistakes. Which to some sounds like gold digger mentality, but I know the price range of ring she wants and it's about the same range my dad spent on my moms ring. It's something you'd see on a middleclass woman's finger, nothing huge, nothing small, just enough I guess. I still think they're just silly circles of metal and compressed dirt. There's not much to say, we sat down talked for awhile. I explained my side of things, she explained hers. She was upset I was postponing the wedding, but once she realized I wasn't going to fold she agreed under the notion that it was 'best for our relationship to work on this before marriage.' Right now, I'm taking a step back from her to clear the air, and give us time to formulate what we want on our own. I've driven the two hours to the cabin, thankfully the internet people hooked that up yesterday. I've talked to my parents, not about them like moving in, but about the situation as a whole. (leaving out I went to the internet before I went to them.) While my dad can't just abandon his job, he sends his love and support. My mom is currently making the 18 hour drive, so 'I wouldn't be alone by myself.' I've gotten attempted phonecalls from the inlaws within the last 24 hours, but I've watched them ring and went back to doing my everyday tasks like lawnwork, meal prep, reading, bingewatching netflix. It's strange, but right now I feel happier alone right now than I do with Fiancé. Maybe it's some sign that it's not meant to be, or that I've finally been able to relax for the first time in years and have found comfort in solitude, maybe I'm happy my mom is going to cook me my favorite dinner as a child to cheer me up. I think as of right now though, I have ALOT of work to do not only emotionally but also literally. I'm thinking about doing some telework just to still have a mainstream of income part-time, as I'll probably get bored of being jobless in about a week I need some hobbies. TLDR: The wedding is postponed, going back to school, and probably going to be staying in the cabin until the lease is up on the 30th regardless of if I lose my security deposit, I'll just pay my Fiancé that deposit. As of right now, she definitely won't be moving into the cabin with me I truthfully want some distance between us until we can figure out how this relationship is going to continue/end.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Fiancé (27F) threatening to call off wedding if I (M26) don't let her parents (M57/F50) move in with us after the wedding.

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14r3v2z/fiancé_27f_threatening_to_call_off_wedding_if_i/

14radpk

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Level_Cabinet3237 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warning: >!cheating!< mood spoilers: >!heartbreak, bitterness, denial!< &#x200B; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14e1tlp/my_wedding_was_ruined/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, Jun 20, 2023 I’ve debated about posting this, but I have to rant to someone. Me (23f) and my now husband, Josh (26m) had our wedding last week. at first everything was beautiful, I got married to my high school sweetheart and was so happy. It felt like my fairytale come true, I felt like a princess. While I’m taking photos with my bridesmaids, I see Josh’s cousin (Nicole) with a girl (I’ll call her Sarah) I’m unfamiliar with. She seems non talkative but is friendly to me at first. We finish our photos and go inside to relax and chat before I walk down the aisle. &#x200B; A long while later, after the vows were exchanged, I bump into Sarah while on my way to the food table. She’s clearly intoxicated, but through her slurred speaking I could hear her ranting about how crowded the venue was but then it escalates. I was getting food for my mom when she said to me that she’s surprised Josh married “someone like me” because Josh could do better than me. I tried to laugh it off and I told her I was very lucky to have him. The interaction left me feeling upset, but I brushed it off as her just being drunk and I started drinking too and soon forgot about it. &#x200B; Time goes past and I’m feeling good, me and my husband along with all the guests were dancing. Suddenly, I hear a crashing sound near the food table and all of us rush over to see what was happening. I see Sarah on the ground sobbing hysterically, and Nicole was trying to calm her down. She had completely smashed my wedding cake, and ripped the decorations. My heart was broken to see my wedding cake completely destroyed but I tried to ask what was wrong, and Sarah started screaming and cursing me. I was confused and drunk so I started shouting back and ordered my husband to kick her out. He didn’t want to and told me she should be allowed to stay since she was a friend. I argued with him and told him that she’s ruined my wedding. &#x200B; It eventually took my husband and Nicole to get her under control and convince her to go home. Nicole left with Sarah and when my husband came back he looked angry with me. He completely blew me off for the rest of the night and I could tell the atmosphere was now awkward for all my guests. The next day my husband lectured me about how I hurt Sarah’s feelings and demanded I apologize to her. We argued and he slept on the couch. &#x200B; Things eventually cooled down, so I tried to talk to him about it the following days, but he shut me down and just told me I was being over dramatic about the situation. I’ve never even seen Sarah until my wedding, I have no clue why she would lash out like that. I’m hurt that my husband doesn’t see my perspective. Even though she was drunk, she ruined my special day and now I can’t think of the happy memories I have because I can only think of that incident. Sorry for the long read, thanks for listening. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Level_Cabinet3237/comments/14fnby3/update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Thu, Jun 22, 2023 Firstly, I’m going to try and make this as short as possible. I know this update isn’t going to be very shocking, but I at least want to explain myself a bit better. I started thinking and taking everyone’s replies into consideration and called Nicole. I demanded she tell me the truth and she eventually did. You all were right. Sarah and Josh were a thing. Yes, he cheated on me. &#x200B; For some backstory, me and Josh have known each other since elementary school, we grew up together and started dating freshman year of Highschool. He was my first everything, I’ve never loved someone the way I love him. I didn’t want to believe Nicole when she confirmed my suspicions. When she told me he cheated on me my heart sank and I haven’t stopped feeling nauseous. I'm completely devastated. Now, how could I be so foolish? How couldn’t I see what was laid out right in front of me? Is this even real? &#x200B; Well, Sarah went to a different Highschool than me and Josh. Nicole introduced Sarah and Josh (Nicole knew he was taken but she’s never liked me because I’m mixed.) He dated Sarah while he was dating me all through Highschool. When we graduated, he ended things with Sarah. He wasn't currently cheating on me, but Sarah was still angry that Josh ghosted her, so she took it out on me. Nicole brought her to the wedding, knowing Sarah wanted some type of revenge. I didn’t want to believe that the love of my life, my whole world, the person I cherish the most could do this to me. He cheated on me for four whole years, and I was completely oblivious. &#x200B; I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t look at him the same. He’s always been so sweet, so caring of me, so loving. He has no clue that I know, and I’m not sure how to bring it up to him. I wish this wasn’t real. I wish I could wake up from this terrible nightmare. When I confront him, I’ll update if anything important happens. And for anyone that’s been kind to me thank you so much. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**UPDATE 2**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Level_Cabinet3237/comments/14gi15t/update_2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Fri, June 23, 2023 I want to start off by clarifying a few things. People keep asking how was he loving and caring if he did this to you? He brings me flowers every week, he brings me lunch to my work, he cooks for me, he takes me on a fancy date once a month, he takes care of my mother, he offers to pay for everything, he always tells me how much he loves me and he used to make me feel so safe. I would’ve never married him if I knew he would put me through all this. &#x200B; I know this “story” is hard to believe but it’s not just a story, this is my life. Also turns out the cheating was actually going on for closer to six years. Yes, she was the only girl he cheated with. I am upset that Sarah destroyed my marriage, but I know it’s ultimately Josh’s fault. Anyways, Josh gets off of work at 10pm so I stayed up late to talk to him. I made Nicole promise me not to tell him I know, and shockingly she stayed true to her promise. He came through the door and I called him to sit with me while I was at the kitchen table. I told him I knew everything. &#x200B; At first, I was shouting and ranting to him but then it turned into me begging him to prove to me that it wasn’t true. Of course, it was true, and after a while he confessed to everything. Hearing it from him made it all too real. He tried to argue that since it was in Highschool, it shouldn’t affect me that much and that it was a stupid mistake. Yeah, a stupid mistake he let go on for over five years. I know we were young, but he knew better. He begged me to stay and told me how sorry he was for everything he’s put me through. I told him how much I love him, but I can’t stay with him. &#x200B; I asked him why he defended her over me and he said he didn’t want to upset her because he knew how “psycho” she can be. I know he still loves her, or at least cares about her because why would he still defend her years later? I can't just cut him out of my life yet, the house we live in, and my car is all in his name. Not only have I lost my husband, but I’ve lost my whole life. After I made it clear to him I was leaving him, he got angry and we started arguing. He tried to say at least he wasn’t still cheating, but I don’t care, it still hurts the same. I called my mom and told her everything so she’s letting me stay with her for now. &#x200B; Since I live in Pennsylvania, I have 60 days to get my marriage annulled, which I plan to do. Josh keeps trying to call me but im not answering it. He showed me what love is but now he’s ruined love for me. I can't see myself ever dating and trusting someone like this again. Not only was my wedding destroyed, but my whole life is now destroyed. I have no car, no house, he has full access to my bank account and I’m sure he’ll fight to keep the dogs. &#x200B; If anyone wants an update on when I go to get my stuff, I’ll give one. None of his family apart from Nicole know he cheated or anything about what’s going on. I loved his parents, and they loved me too. His dad took me in after I lost mine. As for Nicole and Sarah, they’ve tried to contact me, but I haven’t replied. Please let me be clear when I say that when you’re so blindly in love, you never consider the one person you love and trust the most in this world to be cheating on you. &#x200B; My lawyer said he has to give me everything I paid for, and I should get my bank information changed as soon as possible. My lawyer also said getting my marriage annulled would be the best option. If I can prove my car has been paid by me then he has to give it to me. But right now, there’s nothing I can do about my car or house since it’s all legally in his name. My lawyer is fighting for me tho. I’m praying that Josh will give me the dog. &#x200B; Lastly, thank you again to anyone who’s been kind to me throughout this. I hate reading comments because most are negative and it keeps me thinking about this whole situation. I appreciate any of you who’ve supported me and gave me advice more than you know. It’s really helped me through this disaster and without you guys talking some sense into me, I think I would’ve just stayed with him. Now I know that he isn’t the man I thought I married, and I don’t want him to be the father of my children anymore. I’m not sure if I’ll update again, I might if something interesting happens. Goodbye for now. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**UPDATE 3**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Level_Cabinet3237/comments/14kawrk/update_3_final_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, June 27, 2023 Sorry for the inactivity, I haven’t been feeling too well but I’m a bit better now. I’m glad some of you wanted an update because I have one to tell. At first Josh tried to keep my things, in an effort to persuade me to get back with him. He stopped that after a day or two tho. The great news is I got my car and my ex husband gave me my dog without me having to take him to court (i could’ve gotten it anyway but him just giving it over made things a lot easier on me.) My bank information is changed, and he didn’t try to take any of my money. I’ve still lost my home but there’s nothing I can do about that at the moment. My lawyer has worked so hard for me and I’m so grateful to him. I had a calmer conversation with my ex when I was over to get my stuff, and I’ve gotten a bit of closure. We talked about all our memories and had kind of our final conversation. He apologized for everything, said he understood why I was leaving him, and told me if I wanted him to leave me alone, he would. &#x200B; My marriage was annulled, but I’m kinda devastated that it’s like it never happened now. The reason why Sarah and Nicole were calling me is because they tried to tell me I’m “ruining his reputation” and being a drama queen about something that happened years ago. I’ve blocked both of them now. Every time someone asks about why our marriage was annulled, I tell them the truth and that’s upsetting him. He doesn’t like that his family and coworkers know about how much of a prick he is. I wasn’t going to tell his family because I don’t think that’s my place, but they know now anyway. His parents caught wind of what happened and called me to apologize and check up on me. They were like my second parents, I'm forever grateful to them for taking me in as their own. I’m truly going to miss having them as my in laws. &#x200B; I’m living with my mom as of now, but I’m looking for cheap apartments nearby. I’ve never lived by myself so I’m pretty scared of it. To my knowledge, my ex and Sarah didn’t get back in contact and from the looks of things don’t plan to in the future. To those asking why my things were in his name, I obviously didn’t think it’d end like this. I trusted him with my life, and he made a lot more money than I did, it was better to let him handle the finances. Thankfully he hasn’t screwed me over by following through with his threats to keep my car and stuff. I know I’m only 23, I know I have a lot of life left in me but it’s not feeling like that right now. &#x200B; I'm still in shock about everything and definitely in denial. I know I’ll be okay eventually, but this has screwed my whole perspective of love up. My life has taken a full turn from what should’ve been the happiest moment of my life. I’m bitter, I think about what if I would’ve done something different, maybe then he wouldn’t have done all this, and I keep making excuses for him. In some type of way, I’m glad I know who he truly is now, it sickens me to know that I almost had kids with him, and he would’ve let me go through my whole life keeping his cheating past a secret from me. I don’t know how men like this can sleep peacefully at night after completely ruining people's lives. It’s shocking how many of you have went through something similar. I’m so sorry to those who’ve been through a heartache like this. &#x200B; It’s made me laugh about how you guys are trying to create revenge plans for me, I really appreciate it but I’m going to let everything rest. Mostly because it would hurt me more if I did take revenge. People have let me know his nice gestures were the bare minimum, but I’ve never seen anyone do things like that. My mother and father were divorced, so I’ve never seen love displayed like that. I thought it was something that only happened in hallmark films. Thank you all for your kind messages and comments. I read all of them and it’s helped me throughout all this. I hope you guys have an amazing day, thanks for everything.❤️ &#x200B; &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My Wedding Was Ruined

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14radpk/my_wedding_was_ruined/

14rc3uh

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra947576 in r/Relationship_Advice** trigger warnings: >!Possible SA, Miscarriage!< mood spoilers: >!Sad!< --- &nbsp; [**I (28M) cheated on my ex(30F) of 5 years with my best friends sister (21F). I'm still in love with my ex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11n91jf/i_28m_cheated_on_my_ex30f_of_5_years_with_my_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - March 10-2023 To be honest I don't remember much of that night because I was pissed, all I remember is that I woke up with my best friend's sister, Abc, in my bed. I don't even remember her coming to the party. I was living a nightmare (of my own making) because I love my gf (now ex) and I didn't know what to do. I told Abc to be quiet and let me think of what to do. I felt shit and the guilt was killing me but I was too coward to confess anyway 3 weeks later, on Christmas Day, Abc told me that she was pregnant. I knew that I had to step up now. I told my ex that I wanted to break up with her and I started dating Abc officially. We got engaged on Valentine's Day because Abc told me that it was important to her to be married before having the baby. I know that too because I know my friends family are very conservative. We had to at least be engaged before breaking up the news to them that we were expecting. Abc had a miscarriage last week and it has been tough. I have never been so miserable in my life. I feel bad for losing my child and very guilty because I felt relief. I still love my ex and I cant believe how all my life changed because of one drunk mistake. I was supposed to propose to my ex this Valentine's Day and I even had the ring that I saved for 3 years for. Even Abc was angry that she didn't get the ring because she knew I was saving for this ring. I want to call my ex and confess to everything to her now. I know I can't have her back but I want her to at least know that I still love her but that I needed to do the right thing and atone for my mistake. I really want to do that but my sister who knows everything told me to just let her go. any advice? &nbsp; [**Thank you**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwra947576/comments/13jd4zn/thank_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - May 10-2023 thank you for still reaching out to me. I have been busy. I won't be updating the main post because of the amount of hate I got last time but for the few who showed me support and helped me understand my situation better. I am fine now. I have confronted my fiancée (ex) and my best friend (her brother) about what happened. That I didn't remember any of it. and that now I have talked to other (you) about it. A lot fell into place. I realized that I was taken advantage of. They weren't very understanding and my friend accused me of using his sister and now wanting an out. I felt then and there that this was the end of our friendship. My sister also thought me weird for feeling abused and however I tried to explain, she couldn't understand my feeling. I have decided not to engage with her in this subject again. When I broke off my engagement, my family wasn't happy about it, they don't know many of the details but at the same time they respected my decision, if reluctantly. They loved my ex fiancee. I have started therapy and I have found out that I still have severe ptsd from that night. I just didn't know it was ptsd. I just thought I was in lack of a better word, dying? I finally want to say that I have spoken to my ex gf. I told her everything and how sorry I was for hurting her. I left the part that I still love her, never really stopped because I didn't want her to think that I had any other motives other than saying I'm sorry. She is the one I hurt the most and yet she was the one who believed me without any hesitation. believed everything I told her and she repeated what many of you who supported me here that I was taken advantage of. She has been my support with the therapy. and she even came on some of my sessions. I don't think she wants me back as a partner and I won't ask it of her. I'm just glad I have her friendship. She has been my rock and my blanket and I couldn't ask for better. &nbsp; #relevant comments from OOP Comment 1: [**Abc is sober, she doesn't drink or do drugs**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11n91jf/comment/jbmejf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Comment 2: [**after she told me that she was pregnant I did some research and googled and found out it was very possible that she got pregnant**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11n91jf/comment/jbmf6fx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Comment 3: [**I can't know for sure that it was mine, only the fact that I know Abc was/is in love with me. I didn't want to stress her by saying that she was lying about me being the father but I told her that I expected a paternity test down the road and she was totally fine.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11n91jf/comment/jbne299/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Comment 4: [**she had filmed some of it so it def happened**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11n91jf/comment/jbnfcdg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Comment 5: [**No she said it was too early for doctors appointments. The miscarriage happened when she was visiting her friend and when I got there she was already back home at her friends house from the hospital.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11n91jf/comment/jbnh325/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) #Reminder - I am not the original poster

OOP cheats on his GF with his best friend's sister. He regrets what he did.

INCONCLUSIVE

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14rc3uh/oop_cheats_on_his_gf_with_his_best_friends_sister/

14rd1op

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Dont-Call-Me-BALDY **AITA for pressing charges on a former friend for shaving my head in my sleep? + 1 year update** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **Originally posted to** r/EntitledPeople **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Assault, mention of mental illness!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sf67dm/aita_for_pressing_charges_on_a_former_friend_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Jan 29, 2022** For context, a relative of what used to be a close friend of mine whom we'll call Gary for this story contracted cancer. I (Mid-20s male) was sympathetic and even contributed $100 to a donation pool for their treatment. But Gary came to me one day and took his hat off to reveal a freshly shaven head. He told me that everyone in his family were doing it in support of his relative, and so were a lot of our mutual friends. Then he asked that I get on the bandwagon. I told him I didn't want to shave my head because I like my hair. My hair is black, regularly combed and well styled. He said I could just get a wig or something and had actually brought his shaver kit. He was unboxing it when I told him this was not happening. I don't even really know his relative that he's doing this for. So I'm not doing it, end of discussion. He called me an &$$hole and left angry. We didn't speak for a week. Then last Saturday I got invited to a party at another close friend's house. There I found out that Gary had tried the same thing on several other friends, and only a couple of them actually did shave their heads. Gary wasn't at the party, so I had a blast hanging out, playing video games and listening to rock music. But I had way too much to drink and couldn't drive home. So they said I could just sleep upstairs. I passed out on a bed and it was a blissful sleep till I was shaken awake by another friend who told me Gary had showed up late and they caught him shaving my head while I was passed out. I saw what I looked like in a mirror and wanted to scream like I was in a horror movie. Gary even shaved off one of my eyebrows. Gary was still there and acting proud of himself saying "Now you're gonna have to shave off the rest, just like me! LOL!" I was furious and called the cops. When they got their Gary fully admitted to what he had done to me and even said he was justified. The police didn't seem to think so as this is classified as a form of assault. They asked me if I wanted to press charges and the first words out of my mouth were "HELL YES!" Gary cussed me out while they took him away in cuffs. I tried getting my hair restyled into something presentable. But there was no saving it and now I'm bald too. Now a bunch of Gary's family are telling me to drop the charges because Gary was off his meds and didn't mean to do it. I was like "WTF?!" because I never knew he was on meds. But I still refused to drop the charges. It'll take months to grow my hair back the way it was. But all of the calls and messages from Gary's relatives are starting to get to me. Just about everyone else in our friend group has cut Gary out though and say that I'm doing the right thing by not dropping the charges. So now I'm divided. AITA for pressing charges on a former friend for shaving my head in my sleep? EDIT: I want to make something clear here. So many people have said things like "Dude it's just hair!". But would they all be saying that if I wasn't a man? What if I was some girl that had hair that took years to grow? Would they be saying the same thing? Sure hair grows back. But it takes time. If it was something that grew back fast, people would be less inclined to care. But it's not fast. It takes months. And for some who had long hair, years. That's a lot of time wasted growing. And I don't plan on pushing for Gary to go to prison. But I don't plan to drop the charges either. His family already bailed him out. And while I didn't know he was on meds, I knew he had quite the temper, and even an entitled attitude at times. One example being a lunch where he wanted us all to combine the check and split it evenly. He got the most expensive thing on the menu. I got a cheeseburger. When we all said "No" Gary went off on us for not being good friends. He's always been an ass when he doesn't get his way. And I've only known him for like three years. This incident was the last straw for not just me, but a lot of other mutual friends. As for the charges. I don't want to send Gary to prison. But I would like him to get some therapy and community service. With the way Gary has acted around me in the past, and what he did to me, I actually wonder how long before he got more violent. I've seen and heard of him getting in fights for less. EDIT 2: I've gotten many comments from people saying "YTA! He has cancer!". If you actually read what I posted, Gary is not the one with cancer. A relative of his I don't know does. And no, I don't know what kind of cancer. Gary didn't elaborate. He wanted me to shave my head for this person. And when I refused, he left in a tantrum. Then shaved my head while I was passed out drunk at a party. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update - 1 year later](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/145hlrk/an_update_to_gary_shaving_my_head_in_my_sleep/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 9, 2023** A friend of mine just showed me a video yesterday in which my old post had been read. Honestly I'd nearly forgotten about it since I was only there to ask if I was TA or not. And since I don't wanna go through the pain of trying to do an update on AITA, I thought I'd just do it here since entitled spells out Gary pretty well. Other than the shaving incident, he tried to get us to partially pay for his food multiple times by combining the check and dividing it equally when he always got the most expensive thing on the menu, and once even pulled the "I forgot my wallet" bit. He was described as a neckbeard by multiple people, including women he flirted with. He tried to get a married neighbor woman that was older than him to have an affair with her. And then later egged her apartment door when she refused. That one I only learned about a couple months after my original post. And no, Gary never saw consequences for doing that. I also learned he stole several videogames and DVDs from friends, mooched food and drink out of their fridges, and even went through a period as a squatter for two months by refusing to leave a house he'd been let into by a former tennant, and the landlord actually paid him to leave. Gary's also an extreme hypocrite that contradicted himself more than a corrupt politician. For example, one minute he'd be anti-vax, the next he'd be complaining about other people who weren't getting the C19 vaccine. Pretty sure he never got it too. I can't believe I ever had any sympathy for this man. To recap, someone a former friend of mine named Gary is related to got cancer. And Gary went around trying to get our friend group to all shave their heads. He only got a couple of them to agree, and even brought his shaving kit to my apartment because he just assumed I'd join in as well, and was already unboxing it before I even got the chance to say anything. I told him the shaving was not happening. Well he decided to make an example of me, and waited till I was good and passed out from drinking at a friend's party. I was so dead to the world that I had to be shaken awake by a friend after Gary got caught shaving my head. He took off one of my eyebrows and messed up my hair beyond saving. And he was laughing his butt off over having done it. So yes, the rest had to come off. I ended up pressing charges on Gary for assault, and found out he's been on meds for a mental disorder for years. And he'd stopped taking the meds, which is one of the reasons he was so loopy. But his tune changed pretty quick when police arrested him since what he'd done qualifies as assault. Gary's family harassed me and tried to make me drop the charges. I not only didn't drop the charges, but I reported the harassment to the police. Only problem is it didn't bloody stop! In fact, it got worse! Mainly from Gary's mother, whom I can see where Gary got his charming personality from. She showed up to my apartment a couple of weeks after the shaving incident to scream at me that I knew nothing about what they were going through. And a little hair wasn't a big deal. I told her my hair was a big deal to me. And what Gary did was inexcusable. Well that earned me a slap on the face, followed by a swift kick to the nuts, followed by a few more kicks to my body after I went down. It was all recorded by a camera that I had watching the front door. (Landlord wouldn't let me put in a Ring Doorbell cam) One of my neighbors saw her, and screamed at her they'd be calling police. Gary's mom ran, and I ended up going to the hospital with minor injuries. Mostly just bruises, a black eye, and a sore groin. Gary's mother got arrested, and I filed a lawsuit against her for attacking me. I saw her in court twice for both her assault on me, and the lawsuit I filed for her assault. This woman had taken several self defense classes over the years, so she knew how to fight. That had the judge consider her a trained individual, and she was sentenced to six months in jail, given two years probation, and ordered to pay my medical bills. She actually cried to the judge about the money. But he wasn't having it. It took some time to see her in court again for my lawsuit against her as she was out of jail by then. I was awarded ten thousand for the harassment, emotional damages, and lost work hours, and she had to pay all court and lawyer fees. Which she cried about again because she didn't want to pay anything to the man who'd ruined her and her son's lives. But she had the money for both court cases, because she had no problem paying. But around that time, I heard Gary's relative with cancer passed away. I don't know any details, just that they passed on. I admit that was sad. But I never knew this person. But Gary made their condition his hill to die on when he tried to make an example out of me. Gary got some probation and community service for what he did to my hair. And he cut contact with our entire friend group and eventually moved away. Where to, I don't know. I don't care either. As for my hair. Well it grew back just fine. Took nearly half a year to get it back how it was. My boss had me put out of sight for a while, and I was wearing a hat everywhere for at least a month. I did take that 10k I got in the lawsuit and combined it with my savings for a down payment on a house. So I've since moved into a much better abode. I also have a girlfriend now that's living with me. It was a bit soon for her to move in, but there were extenuating circumstances. We're making it work though, and I'm happy. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** MtnDream >here's the thing, as a man, you are reluctant to fight back against a woman, but she's no lady either. don't ever just let someone slap, and kick you because you refuse to fight back. Also, did the mother shave her head? OOP replied >No. She didn't shave her head. Unless she had a wig on, which I doubt. I don't know how many people in Gary's family did shave their heads because his mother was one of his only relatives I saw in person since the shaving incident. Otherwise all the harassment was online and over the phone. And yes, I was reluctant to strike back. But that old woman was faster than she looked. And that shooting pain from being kicked in the nuts is something I never wanna feel again. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for pressing charges on a former friend for shaving my head in my sleep? + 1 year update

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14rd1op/aita_for_pressing_charges_on_a_former_friend_for/

14rw6yb

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Adept_Conclusion_551. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!short and a happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14kebm7/aita_for_yelling_at_my_brotherinlaw_after_he_woke/)**: June 27, 2023** I 39f my husband Tom 37m and 2 sons 12m were recently in a house fire and lost our home but luckily we were all out the house when this happened. Tom's brother Sean 40m and his wife agreed to let us stay at his place with their kids while we sort out insurance. I don't like Sean as he believes in a traditional gender roles in a household. We have had issues since he realised I would keep my maiden name at work, which I informed him was none of his business and my personal choice. He works full time and his wife is a housewife. When we had our sons, Sean thought I would quit my job as a doctor and become a SAHM. However Tom became a SAHD instead and then went back to work after our son went to school and doesn't share the same thought process as Sean. Sean clearly disproves of this and me and vocalised his thoughts about the situation. I got Tom to speak to Sean and he has left us alone since, but occasionally used to make comments at holidays and birthdays about it which I ignored. They stopped when Tom returned to work and since then Tom says Sean has grown as a person. Tom and Sean are very close, and I would never tell him to stop talking to him, but I personally interact as less as possible with Sean. My sons' school and Tom's workplace is walking distance from Sean's house which is why I agreed to stay, and suck it up while we get back on our feet as it is temporary. Yesterday was a very hectic day at work, and I was exhausted. My shift ended midday and I went straight to bed. Everyone was out the house; Sean and Tom went to work, the kids were at school and Sean's wife went to see a friend. Sean got home first and woke me up. I was upset and still tired and when I asked him why, he said I should make a start on dinner as it was getting late and his wife was out and not picking up her phone. Usually I do the cooking in the house with his wife, but I was upset that Sean had woken me up and yelled at him to not disturb me. I kicked him out the room and told him I was going to back sleep and he could sort out his own dinner. When I woke up that evening, Sean told me that while I was under his house I needed to respect his house rules. I told him he could've cooked himself, heated leftovers in the fridge or got takeaway. Tom thinks that Sean did overstep by waking me up and making demands, but I shouldn't have yelled and escalated the situation. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): June 28, 2023 (Next Day)** I didn't expect so many responses and have read quite a few. I spoke to a friend who said we are welcome at hers. I told my husband I was leaving with the kids and he was welcome to join me or stay at Sean. My BIL didn't tell my husband the whole story and said I just flat out refused to cook and then yelled at him out of tiredness, when one of the conditions on us staying was that we would cook and help out around the house. I was upset that my husband believed Sean, but he didn't have the full story. In our culture we place a big emphasis on respecting elders and I know I feel uncomfortable opposing elder relatives on my side of the family, so I get why my husband does struggle. This experience has made me put down my foot though and I have told my husband I don't want our sons anywhere near him. I think this has also been an eye opener for my husband and he has agreed to move out with me, although BIL asked him to stay. When we get our place sorted only SIL and my kid's cousins will be allowed over. My SIL has called to apologise for BIL's behaviour and I have not heard from him at all, he was silent to me and only talked to my husband and the kids. I agreed to move in with BIL as I believed he had changed in his beliefs and it had been a few years since our last fight, but apparently not. Also the house belonged to my husband's late parents and he owns half of it. With our insurance, they have finally ruled the fire as a faulty electrical in our kitchen, so we will get a place of our own by Friday. Thank you everyone for the support in the comments. **One other note- I received a reply from the OOP on** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14q3ff4/aita_for_asking_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_make_his_parents_get/) **different post about whether or not she went through with her wedding! I added it to the bottom of that post (It's titled AITA for asking my fiancé to make his parents get up early?) To clarify, this is not the same poster.**

AITA for yelling at my brother-in-law after he woke me up and told me to make dinner while we were staying at his house?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14rw6yb/aita_for_yelling_at_my_brotherinlaw_after_he_woke/

14s5mpn

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/camonyaface **in** r/IDontWorkHereLady mood spoilers: >!frustration, disbelief, amusement, satisfaction!<   [**I don't work here, and you're not a customer here - A new breed of Karen**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/f9o4zu/i_dont_work_here_and_youre_not_a_customer_here_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Wed, Feb 26, 2020 Just had a great experience at my work – kinda... L - but worth it (Australian based) Before I get into it and just to add a bit of background - I have been a manager in my line of work for over a decade now, and we deal with rude people ALL the time. I have zero patience for rude people and I give it back exactly how it’s given to me. At my work I do the post office run each morning, dropping and collecting mail from our PO Box. Great chance to get out of the office and create new “long ways” back to work haha. Today we had a parcel pick up slip in there, nothing unusual with that, we get them all the time. So I collect the parcel and take it back to work with the other mail. When I get back to my desk I notice that the parcel is from Amazon, addressed to someone who doesn’t work here but has our office PO Box details. There is also a contact number for her on the parcel sticker. So being the kind, caring gentleman that I am, I give her a call. It goes to her voicemail so I leave a detailed message about the situation and how to contact me Moments later a get a call back on my desk phone: Me: Good Afternoon \*company name\* this is \*my name\* speaking Her: Hmm, I had a missed call from this number but I have no idea why YOU would be calling me because I’m not interested in anything you are selling Me: Oh no, that’s ok, I don’t want to sell you anything, \*her name\* is it? We had a parcel in our PO Box addressed to you, did you want to come to our office to pick it up Her: Why do you have a key to my PO BOX?!?! Me: Well, actually it’s our PO BOX, we have had the same one for 3 years now, so… Her: (Explodes) NO, IT’S MY PO BOX AND THAT’S ILLEGAL, WHY DO YOU HAVE A KEY TO MY PO BOX, I WANT TO SPEAK YOUR MANAGER Me: Ok, go for it, I’m the manager.. Her: Well? Why do you have access to my mail! (She yells this whole conversation but I got sick of writing in Caps) Me: I don’t. I have access to MY mail box! I go every day and have never seen your mail in my box before, so explain to me why YOU think you have access to mine? You do realize that I am from \*Company name\*, right? Her: (In a moment of unexpected clarity from her) Well my PO box is \*Explains full address\* – (which is almost our address as we have 2 Post offices nearby but hers needs the suburb name then “East” added to it – easy) Me: Ohhhh I understand now, sorry, Well yeah, looks like Amazon or Australia Post hasn’t added that detail to the label sticker, so it’s come to the main post office, haha whoops (Trying to calm her a bit) Her: Well when I made the order I put my details in as I always do, that's how I have them saved on my Amazon profile too, so why did it get sent to you?!? Me: (Getting sick of going back and forth with something I have absolutely no time to deal with): How would I know mate? I don’t work for Amazon or the post office, I literally picked up OUR PO box mail and your parcel was with it, I didn’t have to call but I did –I have nothing to do with your mail or your order details, as I’ve said multiple times now, I am from \*Company name\* Her: Well this needs to be escalated, and you will need to drop that parcel at my house asap because it’s urgent Me (At this point I thought my nose started bleeding from inner rage): WTF, What’s not being understood here? Her: Well then take my parcel back to the post office and tell them about the error Me: I have absolutely no authority to take a parcel back and have them amend the address - nup, not gonna happen. You need to come and get it from me or I can take it back and they will return it to Amazon (I probably could have done more, but really, f\*\*k her) Her: This is urgent medicine I need! Me: You buy urgent medicine from Amazon!? And they mark it as “beauty products” on the Customs declaration?? Bit odd.. Her: That’s none of your business! Me: Yeah, exactly! None of this should be my business! Now come and get your parcel and stop blowing up at me! Her: Completely unacceptable behaviour! I want to lodge a complaint!! Me: You’re not a customer of ours?! You have no grounds to complain – I am trying to help you! Her: Where is your office! I will come right now and you better have some answers for me! Me: Beautiful! Our address is \*\*\*\*\*, Can’t wait to catch up - see you then She hangs up. (I imagine she has slammed down her phone and absolutely obliterated it because of how angry she was. Her hands shaking from rage, she cleans the froth from the sides of her mouth. Grabs her handbag, makes sure she is carrying her “Karen” ID, and heads to her new 4WD that she uses for only city travel) Myself and the other office staff share a great laugh over it, we are currently pacing the room waiting for her to get here – everyone wants to witness this pure stupidity first hand That call was now 3 hours ago, still not here :( will keep you all updated in the comments. &#x200B; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/f9o4zu/comment/fiw9w6j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): 3:40 pm Thu Feb 27, 2020 Still no Karen. We have now held 2 separate staff meetings to discuss what should be done to the package. These were some of the most productive meetings we have ever had, and I feel everyone has become closer during this time, a real team bonding moment. She has until this time tomorrow. Will keep you guys posted.   [**Update – I don’t work here, and you’re not a customer here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/falyyu/update_i_dont_work_here_and_youre_not_a_customer/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) – Fri, Feb 28, 2020 Ok so I am actually shaking at what just went down, so here goes I started a new post as I didn’t want the conclusion of Part 1 to be lost in the comments after the story got so popular. I didn’t realise you guys loved my Karen so deeply! I also wanted to note, looking at the package again yesterday, she had added delivery instructions: “Leave at address in a secure place if no one is present”. Really gives you an idea of the Karen mindset as; This is addressed to a PO BOX They are generally very secure So, did she expect a Postal officer to guard the PO Box until it’s picked up? Anyway, she just came in now and WOW! I didn’t expect it to get any worse, but it did. Almost immediately too.. Because my team are quite busy and I oversee their workloads, I sit closest (but still hidden) to the main foyer/reception area. I generally greet all the customers and take the majority of the calls to our office, my team has to focus on complex financial deals and don’t need the distraction of people asking general questions who just walked in without an appointment . We keep an “old school” desk bell on the reception counter (Where no one sits) with a sign next to it asking to Ring for assistance. Come 9:30 am-ish and I think I hear the bell – As you are all probably aware, normally when you ring a bell you hit the top and instantly move your hand back, to allow the vibration to create the noise required to get someone’s attention. What I heard was the initial ding of the bell but none of that vibration/loudness. There was an angry, powerful, yet to be removed hand, resting on the bell The hair on my neck stood up… She’s here. I immediately lean back on my chair which gives me an ample view of the reception area. I see a short woman in her 60’s with glasses, and surprisingly not a typical “Karen” haircut, already staring me down I jump up and run out Me: Hello, how are you? Her: (Without hesitation) You have my package? \*Definite attitude already\* It’s her! Me: Ahh yes of course, thanks for coming in, I’m \*My name\* , we talked on the phone \*I extended my hand out to shake hers\* Her: I won’t shake your hand, sorry At this moment my mind is racing; Is she being rude? Is it a religious thing? How TF do I even respond to this moment, this has probably only happened twice in my life. Me: Oh, ok no problems, I will grab you package just wait here a moment I go back to my desk and retrieve the package from my draw – which she can see me do. I walk back to her and she is again already at me Her: Where were you keeping the package?! Me: In my drawer…? Her: Not very secure?! Me: Why would it be?! You’re in my office which you can clearly see is not a larger version of a PO Box? Or a larger version of a Post office for that matter? Her: \*Looking angry at me in silence like she wants a better explanation\* Me: Look, I am actually having a lot of trouble understanding why you’re being so rude about this? I held this package for you in good faith, I called you to let you know I had it so you didn’t have to go through the hassle \*I get cut-off\* Her: Well it’s the inconvenience of having to come here!… \*My brain legit snapped\* ME: OMG you are an actual joke, you know that?! You are the dumbest person I have ever dealt with. Take you package and get out of my office! If I ever see another one of your packages with my mail I will throw it straight in the bin, f\*\*k helping you again! Her: \*Mumbling to herself while she grabs the package and digs for her keys from her handbag\* Absolutely disgusting.. Me: YES, YOU ARE! You should re-evaluate how you treat people that have tried to help you \*She actually turned around to point and yell at me but barely got through her sentence\* Her: I will never deal with THIS company aga.. Me: You don’t deal with us now!? And we wouldn’t want to deal with someone like you, what a sh\*t threat. Get out of my office! She stormed out. I watched her go to her car, which was parked in our maintenance driveway. This actually made me laugh so hard, I will explain why: Next to our main entrance is a maintenance driveway. Throughout the day we will have multiple contractor cars parked here to work on the many levels of the building. In the time since she has come in, her car has been parked in by 2 Ute’s (Utility 4wd) bearing the building maintenance company name. The guys are just standing at their cars having a chat. I see her yelling at them to move their cars, they look at her and barely budge. She proceeds to get in her car and I watch over the next few minutes as she continuously looks back and forth to see if they are moving their cars for her to get out. These maintenance guys start moving at an actual snail pace, one is even checking his phone while he walks to his driver side door I am just laughing my arse off at this point – the other guys in the office have all come out and are enjoying these final moments of her insanity I kid you not, these guys took about 5 minutes to move their cars for her. She beeped about 4 times, drawing the attention of many people walking by \*I really wish I was making this up, because her exaggerated performance was comical\* She finally got her car out and as she was driving off I walked outside and spoke to the maintenance guys and asked what she said to them. Maintenance guy: \*Thick kiwi accent\* Yeah bro, she full came out and straight up told us to move the f\*\*kin cars They were of course unaware of who she was, so they just took their time to piss her off I told them the story and we all had a good laugh about her Thinking back now, I am pretty happy with the outcome to be honest. I got to tell her some honest truths about the situation, and she obviously thought she could continue being a b\*\*\*h. I must have caught her off guard I really hope that’s the last I see of her. Can’t wait to tell my future kids and grand-kids about her in the years to come   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I don't work here, and you're not a customer here - A new breed of Karen

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14s5mpn/i_dont_work_here_and_youre_not_a_customer_here_a/

14s7idq

**I am not OP. The post was made by** u/ThrowawayFsister **in** r/offmychest ​ Trigger warning: >!adultery!< Mood spoiler: >!None!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13wc6cq/my_sisters_life_is_falling_apart_and_i_am_happy/) \- 31 May 2023 I (40F) have been a long time lurker on reddit. Never shared my story. This is a typical reddit story you will hear. But I wanted to scream it to the world. Thank God, for reddit. So, My sister (43F) Ursula (yes I am using a villain's name) has always made my life a living hell. She is extremely manipulative and a narcissist. Ursula will be nice to me when she needed anything but then will ignore me. Growing up I always thought that we were really good sisters. We did not have the typical sister fights of one being jealous of the other. Now as an adult when I think about it, I think she has hated me. She would always give me backhanded compliments like "your face looks better with your glasses." or "You have a boy crush? I thought you were a lesbian" (I used to be a tom boy). Growing up I always shrived to be like her. She was everyone's favorite. She was helpful and kind. Or at least that's how she made us believe. She would always make me feel insecure about my looks and people I date. The first boyfriend I had when I was 17. She made me believe that he was not good for me bla bla. I broke up with him. I know my fault. I moved out of state for college. My sister went to business school while I studied engineering. I would come home from holidays and would still have to hear all her back handed compliments. When I was 21, I started dating my ex husband, Jordan. My sister wasting someone else at that time so I guess her focus didn't fall on Jordan. Also Jordan was not her type. We dated for 3 years and tied the knot. For 4 years I have been happy with my life. During that time my sister announces she is pregnant. We all thought she got pregnant by her then boyfriend, Remy. One day, I went to visit her and bring some food for pregnancy. She gave me a key to her place and I went inside without knocking ( I had permission from her). The surprising thing I saw was Jordan's shoes outside. I went inside her bedroom because I was feeling a bit suspicious. And yeah you guessed it. They were fucking butt naked. Long story short, I divorced Jordan. I was still in pain and very devastate. My parents supported me but their focus shifted way more towards my sister and Jordan. Yes, she was pregnant with his child. It was painful to see them together. I never got a sorry from either of them, they were like "shit happens". I moved away from home. 8 years ago, I got a contract to work in England. I moved there. It was a fresh start of my life. I met Peter who was a single dad. We fell in love and got married and have a son together. I don't have contact with my sister. I have very low contact with my dad who gives me all the insight. Jordan and Ursula got married and had 2 more kids. That's all I knew about them until recently. Jordan cheated on Ursula. And they are having a nasty fight. The cherry on top is that 2 of their kids is not Jordan's. So Ursula hasn't been faithful at all. My dad told me it is a mess, Jordan and Ursula will get a divorce but she is pressing for alimony. I hung up the phone and made myself a drink. I am glad I am thousands of miles away from all that drama. My mom had called me too and said that she needs me. I am not sure if I will go or not. As much as I enjoy seeing Ursula's life going to hell, I am not sure if I want to engage in that drama. Edit: Since people are curious and want to know everything, I wanted to add more details. My sister was cheating on Remy. Remy was a really sweet guy, he was very devastated when she heard my sister is not pregnant with his child rather it was Jordan's. Remy moved on and had a wonderful wife afterwards. I still follow him on Instagram. My parents were mad at Ursula. But she as manipulative b#tch convinced everyone that Jordan coerced her and that he would divorce me if she didn't have sex with him. She made it seem like she is saving my marriage by fucking my husband lol. Classic. I got married in London. My relatives couldn't come because of the long distance but my father did. Mom couldn't come because at that time she had a back surgery. Edit 2: Editing again because people have this misconception that my parents were bad. No they were not bad. They were normal human. I also understand they were in a tough spot. I mean you can't just expect a parent to choose between two kids. Besides, they were going to be grandparents and cannot leave my sister alone. Yes she is a b!tch. But they never let her get scott free. My parents supported me in my divorce and paid for my post divorce therapy. They cannot cut off Ursula entirely because she was pregnant. My dad and mom have a strained relationship with her and Jordan. They haven't disowned them because of their kids. My dad refused to walk Ursula down the aisle at her wedding which I did not attend. I did kept them in contact after I moved to England. They were supportive of me. The reason my mom couldn't come to my wedding, as I mentioned she had a back surgery. My mom is in her 60s. So she has a lot of health issues. My dad attended. My mom hardly could fly but she did visit me after my honeymoon. She was devastated because she couldn't meet my son because flying was difficult and then we had covid. I am going to my hometown for some business. I would have gone either way regardless of the phone call. I haven't seen my mom and dad for 4 years now. I miss them. I do hate my sister but I do not hate my parents. *Some comments where OOP clarifies her parent's side:* >I think I gave the wrong impression of my parents. They are not bad people. Yes they love both of their kids. But I don't think they sidelined me. My dad and Ursula's relationship is still strained. He is only involved because of the grand kids. My mom as well. And I never demanded to cut her off because she needed them but I kept my distance. They still hate Jordan and Ursula. My dad refused to walk her down the aisle when she married Jordan. I distanced myself for my own reason. I took a job in UK and traveled Europe which I always wanted to do. I am settled in my life with my 4 year old son and husband and my step daughter. My mom and dad are still in touch with me. I haven't gotten a chance to meet mom and in 3 years because of covid and other shit. I might have to visit my hometown now because of a project and also I miss them. &#x200B; >I don't blame mom. She had a surgery. It was difficult for her to move. She was on video chat the whole ceremony. She and I haven't met in 4 years. I guess she misses me a lot. I miss her too [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/145s25y/update_my_sisters_life_is_falling_apart_and_i_am/) \-10 June 2023 So, I have landed on the soil of my home country with my husband and son. My mom and dad received me from the airport. I was so happy to meet them after so many years. Their faces look pale as if they haven't eaten or slept for a long time. My mom was happy to meet my husband and kid. Especially my kid because she hasn't met him. I asked them not to tell my sister that I am here. I am only here for few weeks and then I will be gone. I am currently staying with my aunt. Now onto some insights about my sister, my mom said she is living with her along with her kids. I got some details on my sister. She was having an affair with her former boss who is married and those 2 kids are actually his. My sister got a beating from the boss's wife. From what I am hearing the company her boss works in actually belongs to boss's father-in-law's. So yeah her boss is going to be jobless. And my sister has switched jobs way before this happened but the affair continued. But because of all this drama she is literally on the edge to lose her new job too because the company's owner is good friend's with boss's wife. So you can imagine the kind of quicksand she put her foot to. Jordan has quit his job too. Because he is adamant on not paying my sister alimony and not wanting to pay child support for the kids that belong to the boss. He will be suing the boss for child support as well. They constantly fight a lot. Jordan is probably going mad because of it (according to my mom). And he was also having an affair with his coworker. My mom wants to kick my sister out but because of her kids she cannot. She hates her but she doesn't want to punish her kids because they are innocent. Honestly, I feel bad for those kids too. They do not deserve such mess of parents. Also just so you know, my parents aren't bad. They have supported me a lot. The only reason they still talk to my sister Ursula because of her kids. I feel bad for mom because she only has few days and along with her illness she probably will be too sick to deal with this. I know my sister will somehow know I am here but I am prepared for that as well. I do not want to see her because I know I will be dragged into her drama. But I will enjoy few weeks I have with my husband and kid. **I am not OP.**

My sister's life is falling apart and I am happy.

ONGOING

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14s7idq/my_sisters_life_is_falling_apart_and_i_am_happy/

14sab8e

**I am NOT OP. Original post from** r/AmItheAsshole **by** u/Ok-Mycologist-5618 **TW:** transphobia &#x200B; \_\_\_ **Original:** [AITA for not going to my sister's wedding](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13pmdbv/aita_for_not_going_to_my_sisters_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **(May 23, 2023)** Some background. I 17m about 8 months ago met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, we became friends because of our shared hobbies and somehow I got lucky enough that we started dating 6 months ago. About a week into dating she told me that she was trans, mtf. I accepted this and had no problem with dating her. She was happy and as I've said me and 17f have been dating for 6 months. She has met my family multiple times and about a month ago she told them she was trans as well. Everyone accepted or if they didn't they kept their mouths shut. Everyone except one. My sister 24f got huffy and started to ignore my gf. She asked me later how I expected to have kids one day if I was dating a fake woman. I told her to shut up and I don't want kids anyway. She got quiet and that was that. My sisters wedding is in 3 months and she sent out invites to rsvp a few days ago. Everyone is allowed to bring a +1 I choose my gf and sent in the rsvp. Today she came by and while hanging out with my parents she told me my gf couldn't come. When I asked why she said and I quote "I don't want a delusional boy at my wedding" at first I wondered why she thought I was delusional, and then I realized she was talking about my gf. I told her to take that back and she said she's only speaking the truth. I called her a transphobe and said that either me and my gf go or I don't go at all. She said she's "not letting that creep into my wedding" . So I said to not expect me there either. She laughed like she thought I wouldn't follow through with it. But I withdrew my rsvp and threw her wedding gift in the trash. Now she's pissed and is getting everyone else involved. My parents are staying neutral. My sisters fiance is actually on my side (love that guy) along with my uncle. My aunt and cousin's are on mysjsters side and and some are pressuring me to go because it's my sister's big day. Others want me to just keep the peace, and my aunt was just as translhobic as my sister. My gf said I don't have to destroy my relationship with my sister over her buy I told her that if my sister was like this then it would have ended someday anyway so it might as well be now. But I'm wondering, aita for splitting the family up between supporting me and supporting my sister &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; **Comment:** ... My first reflex was to think this story is fake, because a 17 yo boy that learns that his gf was born male clearly don't have the maturity to accept it and continue dating them.But hell, if this story is true, good for you. You already show a lot of wisdom for being able to love a person for who they really are, and not what genitals they were born with.And, I would argue that YOU didn't make the decision to not go. Your sister forced it on you by refusing your +1. NTA. **OP:** Yeah I definitely know some guys like that but hey, they aren't the ones with a cute girlfriend now are they. &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; **Update:** [**AITA, UPDATE aita for not going to my sister's wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14me5t0/aita_update_aita_for_not_going_to_my_sisters/) **(June 29, 2023)** So it's been about a month since I posted and it's been a fun one. So my sister received a couple of ultimatums, the first was from her fiance who told her that if she didn't apologize for how she acted and what she said, that he would call off the wedding. She half assed it bit I accepted it because shes annoying enough already. In my previous post people believed my parents were transphobic for not taking a side, bit they aren't, they have been nothing but kind to my gf. Me and my sister are their only kids and they want grandkids, I never want kids and I've made thus clear. My sister wants a big family, and my parents have reasoned that I'd she does throw a kid out for being gay and or trans that they could take them in if that ever happened. My parents asked me if they would be OK with them going to her wedding, I gave them my blessing (which felt weird asf ngl) and they gave my sister an ultimatum, either she invites me or they dont go, she relented and reinvited me but not my gf so I'm still not going but my parents will, I'm fine with this compromise. My parents have set aside some money and told me to take my gf on a nice date that night, so my plan is to take her to dinner and then we get to see a movie opening night. My sister's wedding fell on the same day as the movie so it all worked out I guess. Me and my gf are still together, she's currently wrecking people In smash with me while I type this. All in all life is good, after her apologies I have gone no contact with my sister, I unfortunately haven't been in contact with her fiance which sucks because I've known him since I was little but I have a feeling he understands. Anyway that's the update, have a damn good one guys. &#x200B; \_\_\_ &#x200B; **Flaired as concluded because the issue of who is/isn't going to the wedding has been resolved. Don't love the parents' reaction that if Sister throws a kid out for being LGBT, they'll just take them in so it's okay, but I do love OOP's whole attitude.**

AITA for not going to my sister's wedding

CONCLUDED

starchild812

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14sab8e/aita_for_not_going_to_my_sisters_wedding/

14scqx6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/riddleofthemodel **Walked out because a student called me a slur** **Originally posted to** r/SubstituteTeachers **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Homophobia!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SubstituteTeachers/comments/120tj7i/walked_out_because_a_student_called_me_a_slur/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 24, 2023** i was subbing for ninth grade music and the kids weren’t really listening so i handed out their assignment and went around the room to ask for names for attendance. when i was finished a kid called me a slur that starts with F. i am gay so it’s not the first time i’ve been called that but i do not tolerate it, especially not at work. i get that they’re kids and kids say/do dumb things… but this feels like too much to excuse imo. i calmly gathered my things, went to the office to let them know what happened, then walked to my car and left. i’m a little scared now because i work for an agency, not the schools directly, so i’m worried this could affect my ability to get assignments from them for other schools, but it’s not worth bring harassed while working. eta: this isn’t the first time i’ve heard this word used at work (unfortunately) but this is the first time it’s been used about me directly to me. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** SecondCreek >Document what happened while it is still fresh in your mind and send it to the agency and admin at the school. >Tell them it is a toxic workplace and you demand actions to protect you from harassment or worse. >Sadly it’s nothing new. When I was in high school a long term sub was called “Herr Homo” because he subbed both German and English classes. The boys were horrible to him and the taunts escalated into snowballs thrown at him and his Honda Civic flipped onto its roof in the parking lot OOP replied >thank you, i’ve sent an email to the agency documenting what happened and will do the same for the school’s admin. it’s really sad that this is still happening but lgbt people are constantly being attacked and it seems to have somehow gotten worse in recent years 😪 * URP_Eric >This won't be a popular opinion, but... >You shouldn't have let the kid win that one. >I'm sure you were emotional and not thinking straight amidst the chaos, but next time call the office and have the kid removed while you stay cool. OOP replied >i was definitely emotional and not thinking straight so i agree i handled it wrongly. unfortunately the classroom didn’t have a phone (which seems like it shouldnt be allowed but oh well) and the general vibe of the school didnt seem like they would have removed the student. i will not be going back to this school but i know what to do next time something like this happens again. thank you for your response **ANOTHER COMMENT FROM OOP** >i am gay, and calling a gay person a f****t is a slur and unacceptable to me 😭 it’s not a reflection of me, the receiver’s, perspective on gay people, it’s about the user of the slur. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/SubstituteTeachers/comments/124083n/walked_out_after_being_called_a_slur_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 27, 2023** hi all, i'm the sub who walked out on friday after being called a homophobic slur. i didn't anticipate the amount of discourse i would start but it seemed like a lot of people had a lot to say about me lol. but i really appreciate all the support in the replies of that thread as well as the other threads! i figured i would give an update. to all the people who said i should be fired or quit because this job isn't right for me, i disagree and so does my agency apparently. i had a call with my rep and they were very understanding with what happened and we agreed not to assign me to that school anymore. we also discussed what i should do if i'm ever in a similar situation again. i sent an email to the admin of the school as well but haven't heard back directly from them, i'm sure they aren't too happy but their school was a mess and i'm sure they have more important things to worry about than a runaway sub 🤷🏻‍♂️ in light of my awful friday i wanted to try to balance that with some positivity! today i went back to work after having a restful weekend and i was back at one of my favorite schools with one of my favorite first-grade classes! i've been with this class a bunch of times and it's always a ton of fun. this class loves drawing and coloring so i ended the class with a directed draw and coloring time and left with a few drawings as gifts and several students telling me i'm their favorite teacher. it definitely made me feel a lot better and reminded me that even though this job can be hard it's so rewarding! i would love to hear your subbing wins from today! let's try to spread some positive vibes today 🤍 **RELEVANT COMMENTS** ChaosDCNerd >Ooof! I can’t say I haven’t considered similar after being called the f slur or the t slur. I sometimes let kids have a judgement free age-appropriate question time if I see some kids struggling with seeing a trans person. OOP replied >ik it can be hard for us lgbt people in this job but all we can do is our best to take care of the kids and ourselves. i love that you let them ask questions! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

Walked out because a student called me a slur

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14scqx6/walked_out_because_a_student_called_me_a_slur/

14sf9ty

**I am NOT OP.** *OOP's account has been deleted, but original post was made to* r/ProRevenge trigger warnings: >!false harassment claims, defamation!< mood spoilers: >! melancholy, doubt, paranoia, aggression!<   *Original post itself is no longer on reddit but is estimated to have been made about a week before the first update.* [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/diuv74/update_woman_makes_false_assaultharassment_claim/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- October 2019 Oi. Here we go. So, I was working in HQ for a large and well-known company, cubicle sorta gig. I had been there 3 years and she had been there about 12. She's known to have a bit of an attitude and was pretty much next in line to fill a very high position under the CEO. She's always not liked by many of the office workers (pretty much all the men, and one woman she would constantly make cry. ) I one day ended up brushing past her in a hurry to hand something off to my supervisor which he needed asap, both of my hands quite obviously occupied holding something at chest level. She ended up filing a harassment claim saying I grabbed her ass ( after 2 weeks of hellish unpleasantness I ended up getting my supervisor to pull cam footage as they were pretty much about to term me which saved my ass. ) Well I'm friends with a guy she likes to talk to, even though he doesn't much like her. I ended up giving him my recorder pen a few weeks later and got him to try and egg her into talking about tryin to get me fired. He managed to get her to admit to that and 3 other instances where she did get men fired for false harassment claims. I ended up getting the recording back, made a few copies, giving them to HR, each of the 3 other men in question via email, my boss and his boss, her husband (anonymously) and everybody on the board. I basically forced the company into a situation where their " star player" couldn't stay, because: 1. 2 of the 3 men are currently looking to sue 2. I was getting ready to as well, and 3. it was completely indisputable. I cost her her job, career, any chance at using the place as a reference, and probably damaged her marriage. She's not getting a severance, or any of her PTO paid to her. Edit: We signed a contract stating if we are terminated for wrong doing we can lose our PTO and accruals. She sent me an email calling me an evil bastard, saying she hopes karma pays it forward soon, and a few other things. Note- I live in a state where i don't need consent to record something.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/diuv74/update_woman_makes_false_assaultharassment_claim/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Wed, Oct 16, 2019 After she was terminated they went through her company email and apparently found out she had been stealing thousands from the company corporate card she had, eating out irregularly with clients/partners/colleagues and charging the company accounts card(s) for it. She had also been using the companies flight milage for herself on things not actually business related. She also used it to buy gifts for some of her superiors. Turns out there were some more false claims she made to total other peoples jobs we weren't aware of, one possibly being the reason her positional predecessor ended up leaving ( the latter is speculation. I haven't gotten my hands on any copies yet from my friends in HR. I've helped get a LOT of people jobs at this company so I've got access to a lot of information. About 9 people around her were terminated, maybe more. At least 3 were suspended. HR is looking through years of footage also. They seem to have either forgotten about me, or are saving me for last, since I've not really decided to insert myself into this massive multi-dimensional quantum dumpster fire. They are handing out NDAs and such like they are hot cakes. Lawsuits ARE happening, 2 of the 3 men I sent information to are suing the company HARD. One of which, I'll point out, nearly lost his marriage. I'm very happy this relieves some stress for him. It is looking like she is going to be prosecuted by the company, and hard. Somebody told me her husband left her ( I have no proof of this. Only my boss mentioned it, supposedly his boss told him that. His boss and her were very chummy chummy. ) My friend ( the one who took the recording for me. ) took a huge severance (9 months of normal pay), and his PTO, and is starting at ( big tech company starting with an S ) in 4 weeks. They decided to get him on board early. ( originally he started in January) Also, she sent me another message, saying I am the most evil person she has ever met, who got away with something terrible, and she hopes I die. Me. " okay. How's your husband?" EDIT: 1, 10/16/19 *(MM/DD/YY)* They are looking at about" 2.3 million dollars " my boss says. How...do you spend that much money on food and flights in 5 years?!?   [**UPDATE 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/dn332w/final_update_woman_makes_false_claim_and_nearly/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Fri, Oct 25, 2019 Part 3: so to conclude this, being that there has been a week between updates. So about 18 people were pushed out, terminated or made to take a severance and dip. She was embezzling money on food, gifts, what I view as bribes and other things. She made 6 such claims and somebody anonymously may or may not have informed the other people who ended up getting terminated by her. One of said people, was the person who previously had the position she held till this all blew up. He is going to rip her in half legally. She basically lied to climb the corporate ladder by getting somebody above her fired. I had to sign an NDA, was given a severance that is about 14 months of my normal pay, as well as my 120 hours of PTO and my 60 hours of sick time. I'll be starting my new job at ( tech company starting with an M) in a few weeks, so I'm not to worried. I also got 3 letter of recommendations and such as well as some good references ( all men that hated her. So I'm good. ) Honestly I'm glad I'm out of there. Even though I did nothing wrong in regards to her, all the women in the office sided with the lying B$@& and have been giving me a hard time. I am talking to a lawyer about the hostile work environment and some other stuff. NDAs don't protect from illegal activity. One person on the board is stepping down and another one is on a sudden vacation. Not entirely sure what that's about. Maybe he's related but I'll likely not find out. My friend who recorded for me is working at ( tech company starting with an S) as of today. He started early and put his huge severance into savings. My boss (a good friend of mine too) just got the liar's position and is cleaning house of people he suspects " got away clean." (We have reason to believe 3 people benefitted from her shit by getting promoted based on comments she made, so he's going to move them to different departments away from each other. ) From what I've heard, this may have blown her marriage to shreds and she may be looking at prison time for likely grand theft, defamation and some other stuff. She got my personal email from her assistant and some of my personal info. Her assistant has been fired. And she's been emailing me and harassing me. I had a talk with the law in my area. I was told i have all the right in the world to stand my ground if she physically threatens me. I have documentation and recording. She's nuts. One of you suggested this may happen. Good guess lol. I am also now, according to her, a hate filled misogynistic piece of shit. I will burn in hell. I'm a traitor and a liar. And karma is likely going to end up killing me. Srsly. Wtf? I'm just gonna enjoy my few weeks off, play some destiny on the box, drink and relax. This Multi-dimensional quantum dumpsterfire is no longer my problem now that its rolling downhill. I won't likely be updating this any further. Only did because of the hundreds of requests for the finale. You all have a good one. Thanks for reading. Thank you all for the support and advice, some of it actually helped a lot. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Woman makes false claim and nearly gets OOP fired; her life gets totaled.

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14sf9ty/woman_makes_false_claim_and_nearly_gets_oop_fired/

14sjhub

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Throwawayyyy963 in r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warnings: >! attempted suicide, false SA accusations, possible child kidnapping!< mood spoilers: >!sad, frustrating, situation goes from bad to worse for the family, worrying for brother!<   [My mom is blaming me (17F) for my sister’s (22F) attempted su\*cide](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14eggb0/my_mom_is_blaming_me_17f_for_my_sisters_22f/) \- 20th June 2023  For some background, my (17F) sister (22F) cheated on her fiancé (25M) of 3 years while on a cruise. My parents took us on a cruise to celebrate our graduations, since I graduated high school and she graduated with her bachelors degree. While on the cruise, I caught her cheating and she begged me to stay quiet about it. I eventually told 2 of my friends because I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Long story short, her fiancé ended up finding out because of me.  We had a family dinner with my parents, my sister, and her fiancé. The restaurant is kind of small, so there is a waiting area (where you wait for the host to seat you). And right near the waiting area there is a hallway that leads to the men and women’s bathroom (if that makes sense). While waiting for our food, I went to use the restroom and I ran into one of my friends in the bathroom. We talked for a while. And coming out of the bathroom, she asked me if it was awkward between my sister and I. We exited the bathroom into the small hallway. I said, "Yes, I feel like I have to be loyal to her because she's my sister, but I also feel like a terrible person for not telling him that she cheated."  Turns out, my sister's fiancé overheard our conversation. When I came out of the hallway, I saw him talking on phone in the waiting area, but thought nothing of it at the time. Long story short, he broke up with my sister that same day. He accused her of cheating on him and mentioned what he overheard me say. In a desperate attempt to salvage their relationship, my mom drove my sister and I to his apartment. At his place, my mom explained to him that I lied for attention and she asked me to apologize. I did apologize, but then he asked me if I lied about the cheating. I wanted to say yes to save my sister’s relationship, but he honestly looked so hurt already. I just couldn't bring myself to lie to him. I stayed silent and shock my head a little. There was a huge argument and he called the cops on us.  Up until this morning, my sister and my mom refused to even look at me. They had not spoken to me since the whole “incident.” My dad was the only one who didn’t blame me for everything. I know that I should’ve kept quiet about it and I feel guilty for ruining their relationship. I feel really bad because he actually made my sister happy. This morning around 1 am, my dad woke me up and he was crying. All I remember hearing was my mom sobbing from across the hallway. Everything from that point was just traumatic. When I entered my sister’s old bedroom, she was just lying on the floor. My mom was crying while on the phone with 911 and she was yelling incoherent sentences. My sister attempted to commit suicide. I don’t want to describe the scene, but I can’t get it out of my head. All I feel is guilt.  To make matters worse, while we were at the hospital, I accidentally pissed my mom off. I told my dad that I was thirsty and he was going to help me find some water. But my mom got really mad. She exploded on both of us, but mainly me. She basically blamed me for everything. She said if my sister doesn’t make it then her blood is on my hands. And she also said that she wished it was me instead of my sister. My dad cut her off and yelled at her for saying those things, but she just argued back defending herself.  I honestly just feel like a piece of shit. My parents and my sister wouldn’t have to deal with this mess if I just kept quiet and lied. My grandma came to the hospital and picked me up. I insisted on staying, but my dad refused.   [Update- My mom is blaming me (17F) for my sister’s (22F) attempted su\*cide](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14mb0i2/update_my_mom_is_blaming_me_17f_for_my_sisters/) \- 30th June 2023 This is an update for my last post. First, I want to thank everyone for all the kind messages, advice and concerns. It honestly means a lot that so many people took the time out of their days to help me. Thank you. A lot has happened in the past few days, but I obviously can’t mention everything. I’m not really sure where to start, but I’ll begin with my sister. My sister has woken up and she’s stable. She was discharged from the hospital yesterday, but she is still dealing with self inflicted wounds that are still healing.  My relationship with my mom and sister has deteriorated a lot. It honestly hurts that we aren’t on speaking terms, but our relationships have never been great to begin with. At the moment, my sister is refusing to speak to me. I went to visit her at the hospital last week and it was a couple hours after she woke up. But when I got there she refused to even look at me. I knew that she was hurting, so I gave her space.  My sister’s ex fiancé came to my grandma’s house the day after my sister attempted. My dad, him and I had a long conversation about everything. I was able to directly tell him what I caught her doing, how she reacted afterwards and how she begged me to stay silent about it. After I was done explaining what I saw, he showed us a bunch of messages that my sister sent him shortly before she attempted to take her life. She basically wrote long messages claiming she was “held down” and assaulted. And said that she begged me not to say anything to him because she was afraid and embarrassed about what happened to her. She then told him that he should not believe me because “I’m just a kid who was confused about what I saw.” Her ex fiancé kept asking me if I was sure of what I saw, and I am. My dad didn’t say much at this point, but it was obvious how disappointed he was to see the messages.  To be clear, I always believe in supporting assault victims and being there for them, but I think it’s disgusting what she was doing. I know exactly what I saw and I wish I had proof, but when I walked into our room she was enjoying what was going on. Without being too specific, my sister was not held down. She was on top of him when I walked in and was basically riding his face. Not only did she quickly get off him when she realized I walked in, but she tried to explain herself. Later that night, she begged me to not say anything about what I saw because she was drunk and made a dumb mistake. Her ex was obviously devastated and my dad kept apologizing to him. My dad ended up confirming that I was telling the truth. Because shortly after her ex fiancé broke up with her, she eventually confessed to my parents that she willingly cheated. And so the story about her being “assaulted” was just fabricated.  Yesterday shortly after being discharged, my sister started posting on social media about how sexual assault victims aren’t taken seriously. She’s receiving a lot of concerned and kind feedback from her friends and our extended family. And to make matters worse, my mom went on a huge rant on Facebook bashing my sister’s ex for breaking up with her after she was “assaulted.” My grandma ended up dropping me off at home yesterday because she needed to run some errands and didn’t feel comfortable leaving me alone at her home due to my current mental state. I felt better knowing that my dad was home. I just planned on locking myself into my room until my grandma came back.  Well, my dad was very upset when he found out about the social media post and confronted my mom. They got into a big argument. My dad told her that he was tired of her defending and lying to save my sister. He kept talking about how she’s preventing her from being an adult and facing the natural consequences of her actions, but my mom wasn’t having it. A lot of bad things were said, but at the end my dad told her that he was tired of her, which made her snap.  She started ranting about how he was heartless and was incapable of forgiveness. My dad responded asking her what she called him swallowing his self worth and pride when he forgave her for cheating. My mom started yelling that he was bringing up old stuff that happened more than 20 years ago. He started crying saying he sacrificed a lot for this family, but she continues to be ungrateful and stab him in the back. My mom lost it and started blaming him. She said he is always away (he’s a pilot) and she was lonely. They continued going back and forth, but then she just yelled that she should’ve left him when she had the chance. To cut this post short, my mom started taunting my dad with the fact that she continued to cheat on him after he originally found out. My dad told her to pack her things and leave the house.  My mom didn’t really care at that point and she made sure to tell him that she’s filling for divorce as soon as she gets the chance. And she also told him that she will most likely be awarded full custody of my younger brother (15M) because my dad is always gone and she will take him to Europe so they can live with her family. For context, my mom is from a Slavic country. They got into another argument about my brother and his custody. I didn’t mention my brother in my other post because he wasn’t at the cruise and won’t be home until the beginning of July. He’s been away on a missions/service trip in Latin America. He left for this trip shortly after we got out of school.  I ended up leaving the house and driving back to my grandma’s house. I waited in my car until she got back home. I just couldn’t stay with my family any longer. I should also mention that my mom and my sister are aware of my last post. Apparently, my post has been featured on several viral Tik tok videos. And some family friends who know the situation have sent the videos and posts to my mom. My mom is extremely mad at me. Over the weekend, she kept demanding me to take my post down, but I told her I wouldn’t take it down until she read the comments. And when she did, she told me that my sister was being unfairly judged by strangers and said the comments were being dramatic.  As of today, my sister is home with my dad. My mom left the house and she’s staying at her friend’s house. And I’m staying with my grandma.   **Comment from OOP replying to** u/Holiday-Teacher900 *Your mom is defending your sister because she herself has cheated. That's some twisted dynamics. Your poor dad. Try to be there for each other, try to be there for your brother too. If you're able, get a therapist.* *If your parents divorce, you and your brother are old enough for most judges to give you a say on who you want to live with. Don't worry about that. Tell your dad to get a lawyer asap.* *If your mom continues to coddle and enable your sister's behavior without letting her facing the consequences of her actions, she will continue to do her a disservice and they will likely team up and enable each other. Stay away. You don't need that in your life.* *You will thrive again, dear OP. The following months will likely be hard, but after the storm is over, you will be able to rebuild with only the pieces that you choose and add value to your life. Hang on to the fact that it will pass, and you will be better after all the shitstorm has passed.*   >Thank you so much. I’m really afraid for my brother. He is aware of everything that is going on, but doesn’t know the full extend yet. My dad doesn’t want to ruin his missions trip with this mess, but I think it’s better that we tell him now or else my mom might manipulate him when he gets back. My mom kept telling my dad that no judge would give him full custody with his work schedule. And she said the second she gets an opportunity to leave with my brother, she’ll go to Europe with him. I’m just really scared for him. My dad does travel a lot for work obviously, but I’m sure my brother can just stay with our grandma until my dad is back. I don’t know if that would hold up in court, but I’m terrified that my mom will take him away. She was being very serious when she said she would. My brother already isn’t the most “masculine” guy and my mom constantly makes aggressive comments about it. She constantly questions his sexuality because he isn’t into “manly activities.” But her native country is extremely homophobic and they expect men to be VERY masculine. Although my brother is not gay, I’m afraid for his safety. I don’t want him flown out to another country. And I definitely don’t want him away from my grandma, my dad and I. &#x200B; Marked as ongoing as there might be a further update regarding the family situation. \*\*Edited the comment to make it more readable &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP's mum blames her for sister's attempted suicide

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14sjhub/oops_mum_blames_her_for_sisters_attempted_suicide/

14smcbz

**I am NOT OOP. The original post was made by a since-deleted user to Imgur.** trigger warnings: >!stalking, sexual harassment, fatphobia/fatshaming, sexual content, misogyny, attempted kidnapping!< mood spoilers: >!yuck!< **BORU OP Note: Because this post is formatted through journal entries and commentary from OOP, OOP’s commentary will be italicized. Additionally, names were added by me to make it easier to understand due to OOP censoring the names out.** [Your garden variety delusional cubicle neighbor](https://web.archive.org/web/20180503192203/https://imgur.com/gallery/WLRrALF) \- May 1, 2018 (archived via the Wayback Machine) (Picture 1 is a picture of two red journals and a pen that OOP received from Creep. The cover of the first journal says “Our Love Forever, Volume 1 of X”.) \- *OOP: I received these journals (and pen, don't forget the pen!) plus flowers, candy and a huge stuffed bear from my former cubicle neighbor at a job I worked at for 3 years. As you'll see, the guy is nucking futs.* \- **ENTRY 1 (Picture 2) - February 26, 2016** Wearing: Brown wrap dress with silver buckle on belt. 3 inch heels also brown. Hair up.Little too much mascara. You and Katherine were talking about that dumb show Pretty Little Liars. I tried to get into it for you but after two seasons I just couldn't take it anymore. Holy moley is it some vapid crap. When we are together I will introduce you to amazing TV and movies. Take Mad Men. The sublimeness and stunning virtuoso performances will bowl you over. Although I should be careful about what I introduce you to. The way they try to show the antithesis of the proper housewives should act is disturbing and clearly done for dramatic license, not routed in reality. I know you won't mind staying home to raise our children properly. It is what women are built for, after all. Certainly you need to work now but have no fear my love, I will take care of you the second you are ready. I will lavish you with all you need to support, love and cherish me and our children. \- *OOP: These are just a selection. Most of the entries (221 total) are rather mundane, just notating what I wear, and anything that pops into his crazy head that he feels I want to hear him blather on about. Our cubicles were next to each other the whole time I worked at this firm. We were kinda friendly the first six months I was there. Then he asked me on a date. I very politely declined. Very firm that I don't date co-workers and what-not. After that, besides for a friendly hello, he said almost nothing to me. We were on different teams, so it wasn't a big deal to me. But after I turned him down, he started keeping this journal.* *This entry also takes a turn into the crazy end. Up until now he called me pet names and talked as if we were currently dating. This is the first time he really reveals that he's planned the rest of our lives out for us. The last 9 months of the journals get really bad.* \- **ENTRY 2 (Picture 3) - March 21, 2016** Wearing: Black and white striped blouse (lowish cut!) Grey blazer and black slacks. Hair down (haircut soon?). Black flats. Don't say you need to lose weight! Why would you feel bad about your appearance? Fine, losing a few pounds wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I wouldn't begrudge you that. But no one is perfect (not even me haha). Flaws can be endearing because it can remind us of our humanness. Flaws, not full out red flags, mind you, can enhance someone, not detract. So revel in you beauty, my love. In your slight flaws and imperfections. They make me love you more, not less. It breaks my heart to hear you fall for Big Media's banal bullshit. I want to go to you, take your lovely face in my hands and tell you. Resist the siren song of dieting. Have another bagel at the roundup meeting. Maybe even a dab of cream cheese. Just don't go crazy haha. Those slopes can be slippery. And although I would still love you, I would be disappointed if you gained weight. \- *OOP: Every time I read this entry, I eat a family size package of double stuffed Oreos just to spite him.* \- **ENTRY 3 (Picture 4) - March 29, 2016** Wearing: ?? I hope you are enjoying your vacation, my sweet. But I miss you terribly. This week will be pure hell. I am counting down the minutes until next Monday. Honestly, I thought of going with you. I'm sure if you saw me there in the resort, your heart would have been bursting with love. But maybe not. I am sorry for doubting you, but on that tiny chance that you weren't super happy to have me there (I can't be a part of your friends wedding right? Haha), I couldn't put you through that. Sometimes it seems you are close to acknowledging our true love. Other times... It frustrates me. I'm sorry, but it does! I don't want to be mad. So I wait. But not forever, silly! Heck, this could be for the best. Seeing holy matrimony could be the push you need! I hope so. Because I love you! And you love me. Soon! \- *OOP: I know what my reaction would have been if he was at the resort in Mexico where my friend was getting married. A trip to HR & moving to a different part of the office.* \- **ENTRY 4 (Picture 5) - June 29, 2016** June 29, 2016 Wearing: Green silk blouse, black tight skirt that doesn't make your knees standing (I can only imagine how short it is when you are sitting). Black 2" heels, hair up. The flirting thing with Mike needs to end. I try to be understanding. Women are evolutionary wired to flirt. But hearing you banter with him two or three times a week when you know I'm listening makes my blood boil. What does Mike have that is attractive to you? I just don't get it. It makes me sick, hearing his disgusting innuendo and your positive responses to that kind of talk. Be modest! Be meek and pure, like you should! I feel like I need to stand up and remind you that your perfect mate is right here! Inches away! I'm everything you need and everything you will come to understand you want. I struggle with your behavior, my sweet, I truly do. But it doesn't get me down because I know the endgame even if you don't yet. That we will be together forever. You are getting there too, I can sense it. Your inability to date anyone more that two or three times and the fact that even you recognize Mike as just a "work" boyfriend (i.e. plaything) means you are getting there. I am patient. I truly am. After all, we will have the rest of our lives together. \- *OOP: Barf. He doesn't understand that a "work boyfriend" actually means anything. I didn't find my work boyfriend attractive at all, I just enjoyed his jokes. Something to break up the day.* \- **ENTRY 5 (Picture 6) - October 21, 2016** Wearing: Loose button down turquoise shirt, Black a-line skirt, hair up, black flats. Thank you my love! I am so happy right now. That conversation with Carole talking about masturbation habits…wow. Every time that fat hippo opened her mouth I wanted to yell SHUT UP, LET \[OOP\] TALK!! c-: I’m not going to lie to you (never, unless it is for your benefit obviously) I’ve been rock hard ever since. I’m seriously considering making use of the bathroom in “that” way. I’ve only done it once here. When you wore that too sheer blouse under your lavender jacket but the heat was gorked so you had it off all day. I could see all your lacey bra and a hint of your sensual mounds of pure heaven. I miss that day - Sept 14, 2015 to be exact. I am so thankful I got a pic. Yes, you kinda have derpy face but it wasn’t like I could ask you to pose haha. Not to take anything from your gorgeous face, but that picture is all about your breasts. Honestly in this case, you could have a bag over your head and the picture’s amazing ness wouldn’t be diminished in the slightest. Way off topic, I know haha. I’m not trying to embarrass you, my sweet. God I can’t get that picture out of my head. I feel like if I touch myself again, I’ll explode in my pants. OK one minute. **ENTRY 6 (Picture 7) - October 21, 2016 (cont.)** You totally glanced at me when I walked by didn’t you? Checking me out with a cute little smile? Don’t deny it! I saw you, my love! You knew talking with Carole like that would get me so excited, huh? What a kinky sexpot! I’m grinning from ear to ear now. We are so close to this happening, aren’t we? I’m shaking with anticipation. For the inevitable, for our fate. We are hurtling closer and closer. I’m so excited! \- *OOP: The fact that he always heard every little thing I said is really suspicious to me. Yes, he was four or five feet away from me, but I honestly wonder if he bugged my cube somehow. Because there's no way this conversation happened loud enough for him to hear normally. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but based on his behavior, I have a pretty good reason to be.* *Also, double barf at the thought I was trying to turn him on or that he went to the bathroom to jerk it. Those double stuff oreos from before don't have a chance.* \- **ENTRY 7 (Picture 8) - October 24, 2016** Wearing: Blue slim sweater with white collared shirt underneath. Light brown slacks. Hair up. Brown 3" heels. Just to make sure you understand in regards to our discussion on Friday, I do try to limit my masturbation. And have no fear, it is only you I think about when I just have to release. All my previous "material" is nothing compared to you, my love. There is a difference between you and me when it comes to masturbation. When you do it, you are preparing yourself for me (I know you also have sex but I do my best to not think about you letting other men have you. It upsets me but at least you are seeing how awful other men are compared to the Nirvana that will be me). But I am saving my seed for you, to implant your sweet flower. I know they say sperm regenerates everyday but I’ve seen men say their loads are larger when they wait. And it feels that way to me too. Not like I measure or anything haha. But a part of me mourns all that poor sperm, who just wants a chance to be the One that creates Andrew Peter, our first child and instead finds themselves in a tube sock or going down the shower drain. So I will do better. Abstain as much as I can. For you, my love. \- *OOP: You'll excuse me if I want to take a bath for the next seven days after this. Ugh. My "sweet flower" would spit his mucked up seed out faster and farther than a llama can spit.* *Also, thanks for ruining "Andrew" and "Peter" for me.* \- **ENTRY 8 (Pictures 9 and 10) - November 23, 2016** WEARING: WHO THE HELL KNOWS? How can you do this? How? How? How can you abandon your one true love? How can you abandon our life together? How can you doom our future generations to nothingness? How??????????? I am bereft without you. Adrift at sea. I can’t be without you. I WON’T be without you. I will follow you to the ends of the universe. KNOW THAT! I will find you and help you understand. FOR US. To complete the truly most important relationship EVER!! I see I need to take control. I wanted to wait for you, but I see that like other women you need your man to take charge. No more waiting. I will show you what you have been too blind to see with your own eyes! What has been sitting patiently, listening, documenting for you, for posterity! Fine. I get it. I understand you are telling me to be the man. Stop crying Creep, you are saying. Stop being a goddamn pussy. (Have you been talking to Moms? Haha). Fine. You want me to take control. Well here. Here is all the evidence you need. I understand that you want me to stop you. A GRAND GESTURE FOR YOU. OK. I’m sorry my love how I’m writing here. Messy. I promise to read to you whatever you can’t make out yourself. You just threw me for a loop. But your message is LOUD AND CLEAR. I’m coming for you. My love. Coming for us. \- *OOP:* *So that day I went to my supervisor and gave my two weeks notice & that I was planning on using my accrued vacation days during that time. Without getting into all the gory details, I wanted to get out of that place (and I didn't even know about this psycho yet!). So I packed up my stuff, and was gone before this loser came in.* *My friends in the office told me that Psycho Cube Boy was late because he had a doctor's appointment or something and absolutely melted down when he found out why I wasn't there. He got sent home, where I assume he wrote this last entry. In the office the next day, he contacted HR and said that I was moving and that I had asked him to bring me my last paycheck stub. So a since-fired HR person gave him my address. He left work at lunchtime, bought a bunch of things he thought would win me over, and came to my apartment. Thankfully, I wasn't there, as I was flying to another city to rent an apartment for a new job. He camped out in front of my building for three days. Finally someone called the cops on him and he had to abandon whatever his plans were. I got back the next day and found that he UPSed me all this stuff.* *Suffice to say, I didn't react in the way that he wanted. Long story short, he is currently in jail (2-5 years) and I live in a new city, only now able to laugh about what happened, thanks for a kickass therapist and some amazing drugs.* \- **OOP then makes an edit onto the same post with clarification about how and why Creep was imprisoned.** *OOP: EDIT: Since so many people are asking, I'll expound on why he's in jail. After I received a restraining order, he violated that RO and attempted to kidnap me so that he could "prove" his love to me in whatever twisted way he thought that was possible.* *Thanks to the outstanding law enforcement officials in my city, his attempt was known ahead of time and I was being monitored, so that as soon as he started his kidnapping attempt, he was apprehended and arrested.* *Hope that answers that question* **Reminder - I am not OOP.**

OOP’s delusional cubicle neighbor keeps a journal about her

EXTERNAL

blindspottings

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14smcbz/oops_delusional_cubicle_neighbor_keeps_a_journal/

14snyvw

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/rubyisonfire **My friend might be into my dad?** **Originally posted to** r/Advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/wm21x1/my_friend_might_be_into_my_dad/) **Aug 11, 2022** Somebody please tell me im just overthinking this So, this is about my (18f) dad (45m) and close friend (18f) who I’ll be calling Katy in this story. I’ve known Katy since we we’re in first grade, as we we’re in the same school, just a different class, so we didnt start getting close until we we’re around 14-15. Both of my parents knew about her, but when we we’re kids I rarely brought her around until about 16-17, when we started talking a lot. Now, most of my friends always have a good relationship with my dad, nothing special, just kinda as close as you can get to a friends dad, never going past friendly conversations and jokes from time to time. Anyway, recently I’ve been hanging out with Katy a lot more than I ever did, and I invited her to come to my favorite lake with me and my dad, all was fine until I noticed her acting sort of weird with my dad, you know when you go swimming and splash your dad in the face and drag him under the water, all that stuff thats normal when its a dad with their child, but it was her doing all that. I got sort of weirded out but I tried to brush it off, cause imagining that makes me wanna throw up. Later in the day, I noticed they we’re talking about this one old band my dad listened to when he was our age, and my friend still listens to them, it was quite innocent, but it will come into picture later. After we got back home and dropped Katy off, my dad didnt say a word about her so I just let it be, I thought that I just have too much on my plate now and the stress is making me read into it too much. But a day later I was on discord with Katy, cause we were playing some games together, and when I told her I’m feeling tired and was about to log off she asked me a question that just put all that worry back into me, she asked “would it be weird if i took your dad to a [old band] concert?”, i just went quiet for a bit so she repeated the question, to which i said i do think its a bit weird for her to be hanging out with my dad like that. Were going to the lake again tomorrow so I’ll watch for any weird behaviour, but I just need to hear some second opinions on this. For some additonal background, as far as I’m aware Katy is bisexual, as she’s prior dated this 40 something year old woman who she recently broke up with (yes I think its weird), but she also shows interest in men. As for my dad, he had just recently separated from my mom, so he is technically single. Also my personal theory on why he might be friendly with Katy, is that I recently lost my closest friend to drugs, and she was like a sister to me, and like a second daughter to my dad, so he might just be filling the void like I am, but I’m honestly at a loss here. Thanks in advance for any comments. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Myardraug** >Info: what did she say/how did she respond to you telling her it is a bit weird to hang out with your dad like that? **OOP replied** >Well she said something along the lines of “yeah i thought you might find it weird, thats why i asked yoi before hand” Some of it is hard to translate because we dont speak english together and have a specific friendly dialect, but while i was obviously weirded out she sort of dragged the conversation out with some jokes here and there, sort of like she was hoping id crack and just say it okay [Update 1 - My life is in shambles, help](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/xer25l/my_life_is_in_shambles_help/) **Sept 15, 2022** So, little update if anyones interested. My dad started seeing someone a few weeks ago, I had my suspicions it was Katy, but just prayed my intuition was way off. Today I found out I was right on track, my, now former, best friend is dating my dad. I honestly wish it was just sex, but from what I gathered, it’s so much more than that and I don’t know how to keep going now. To be completely honest, I just want to end it all, I lost the only parent I trusted along with my closest friend. My mental health was ass to begin with, but this just makes everything so much worse. I dont know if I want to cry, throw up, or just scream until I cant no more. She keeps texting me trying to justify herself, and I had probably the most uncomfortable conversation with my dad earlier. My stomach hurts and I just want to disappear. What do I even do at this point? I cant move to my moms place, im a broke student so theres no way i can afford an apartment, and Katy was my only friend who lived in my area. I might try to stay with my brother and his girlfriend for a bit, since I cant even face my dad now, but thats temporary, i dont want to invade their space. At this point there isnt much keeping me here anymore, im so lost. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this, and sorry if theres any typos, im on my phone and its kind of laggy. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **randomanonymousalt1** >That sounds like an absolute shitshow, im so sorry for what they did to you. >I recommend living parttime at your brothers house it might give you some time to reflect and think about the situation in another space and mind. >However hard this is you will have to make peace with your dad and your friend. I know it sounds horrible and disgusting and absolutely terrifiying but you are still gonna have to live with him/them for a time. >If you dont have a part time job yet, get one. Theyre a great source of friends and most importantly, money. With the new friends and money you wont have to spend all the time at home and youll have more freedom to do what you want. >So make a list with things you want and or need to do. >My suggestion to begin with: 1. Finish school 2. Get a job 3. Make friends 4. Try to move out (maybee with roommates) >And i recommend you fill it with some other ideas. Set goals and aim straight at them. Dont worry to much about your dad or your friend. Focus on yourself and your goals for now and make them reality. >Hope this helps. For any talking, im right here. **OOP replied** >Thank you, its just so hard to wrap my head around. I dont know what I did to deserve this and I wish I could just make this all disappear. I loved my dad so much, but now I can’t even be in the same room as him without feeling sick. I have a job, but I’m currently on leave to focus on my exams. In addition, my witch of a mother now decided its time to come back into my life and harp on what my dad did to make me live with her. But seriously, thank you, it helps to see that even strangers can be so caring and nice. [Update 2 - My friend is dating my dad, and I can't take it anymore](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/11bjrq8/my_friend_is_dating_my_dad_and_i_cant_take_it/) **Feb 25, 2023** So, it's been about five months that they've been together and I'm officially losing my mind over it. My dad (48) has completely changed from who I used to know, I actually feel so bad for him, he and my mom have always had a rough relationship, but the finalization of their divorce totally took a toll on him and I guess he just needed someone. Unfortunately the one that swooped in just had to be my friend Katy (19) and I truly from the bottom of my heart despise her for that, I might just be biased but I think she's also very at fault here, more so than my dad. It's pretty clear he didn't groom her in any way, as they didn't really have any sort of relationship before this, and I can see how much she's using him, but again, I might just be clouded by my own judgment of her. Anyway, I've tried to live with it and I found that I just cannot do that, every time he leaves me home alone my mind just goes to whatever they could be doing, and what that bitch must be thinking. They go to escape games, have dinners, go to galleries, go on trips, all the stuff my dad either doesn't do with me anymore or never did. I am genuinely so jealous of her, I need my dad, especially since I don't talk to my mother whatsoever, and Katy just took that from me. Not to mention some time ago, after all the letters and messages she sent me apologizing, she suddenly sent me a message telling me very nasty things, like that I'm the problem, I a self-centered piece of shit, I never cared about anyone and that I'll die alone cause I'm so unlikable (yikes). That message made me cry and I gave my dad an ultimatum, either he breaks up with her, or he can forget about ever having any relationship with me anymore, and well, they're still together, so it's been very rough at home ever since then. I just can't stomach the whole situation, I try to spend as much time with friends and focus on my own life and career, but this is always in the back of my head and I get reminded of it every night my dad isn't home. Even besides this, my mental health is absolute dogwater, this does not help whatsoever and I don't know how to approach it anymore, my dad doesn't listen and I'm so lost in all of this. Thanks to everyone who reads this, I just needed a place to vent this cause I'm sure all my friends are tired of hearing this. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ProfessionalPilot45** >Wow. Just wow. >I remember your first installment and was aghast at your bottom feeding, opportunistic former "friend" was doing. Now I'm irate for you. >Listen, your Dad has lost his mind. The fact that he would do this to his own daughter by seeing her teenage friend is sickening. He knows this is killing you and doesnt give a f. Your ex "friend" (with "friends" like that, who needs enemies, right?) is caustic, toxic and bat shyt crazy. >So what to do? >First of all block BSC (bat shyt crazy) on EVERYTHING. No calls, no texts, no emails, no social media, nothing. Allow her absolutely no access to your life. >As to your Father, apparently, hes putting his felt needs above all else, including his own child. He who should know how horrible betrayal is, has become a betrayer. So be it. You need to go extra low contact with him as well. Maybe even NC. >Now comes the really hard part. You cant stay there any longer. This will continue to deeply hurt your mental health if you stay. >Can you stay with close family or friends? Do your close family (Aunts. Uncles, Grandparents, Cousins) know what the he!! Is going on? If not, tell them all. This cannot remain a secret. They all need to know this sick situation is happening and what its doing to you. Can you/have you confided in close friends? If not, please do so. >If you have access to a therapist to help you deal with this, please do avail yourself of this. YOU NEED SUPPORT. >I affirm all of your feelings. Keep posting and updating. >Strength to you to do what you must. **OOP replied** >Thank you so much for this, I’m working on moving in with my girlfriend, I just finally got a job and I’m hoping to save up. Unfortunately, all my remaining family is from my mothers side, and I dont talk with any of them, as for my dads side theyre literally all dead. >I have a therapist I’ve been going to for quite a while and it helps to talk with her whenever I go, so thats something. I’m just trying to push through school but it’s extremely hard for me since I end up having a panic attack on almost every exam and totally fumble them, but I have at least passing grades. >Thank you again and I hope karma gets her one day, lord knows she deserves it. ##**OOP POSTED AN UPDATE AFTER THE BORU WAS POSTED** [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/14sujtf/update_on_my_weird_life_situation/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **July 6, 2023** Sooo, its been a long time and I just randomly found out my post has reached wayyyy too many people, didnt even know that could just happen. Anyway, there was a lot of comments and I read through most of them and decided I should just make an update. So, I’ll just quickly address one thing that I kept seeing, and that is my dads age changing, im aware of that, and it wasnt a typo, im just stupid and never remember my parents ages, so it was kinda funny seeing so many people mention that. Now onto the update itself: Im now living with my mom, since my dad just randomly moved to hungary for work. Staying with my mom has been strange, i feel like shes pretty nice to me nowadays but theres a lot of trauma that would just take ages to unpack and i dont wanna put anyone here through that. Also, my parents arent divorced, but seperated, i didnt know that it made such a difference and since english isnt my first language i guess i didnt make the distinction, but whatever. Katy and my dad are still at it, actually i even think theyre considering moving in together but i try to not engage in any of that. Everyone in my family is just a wreck right now and its quite honestly extremely tiring. Personally I had a whole mental health crisis a few months ago that landed me in a crisis centre and barely anyone gave a flip cause apparently the whole thing with my dad is more of a hot topic. It would take years to just list everything out so i think it would just be easier for me to answer any questions in the comments, if anyone had any. Anyway just gotta say thank you to all the kind and supportive comments, me and my gf had a blast reading all of it i felt so famous haha:D **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My friend might be into my dad?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14snyvw/my_friend_might_be_into_my_dad/

14ss6au

Fun Fact To Cover Mobile Spoilers: Since these posts are about street racing, I though to include a fat about it. Most states have some law against street racing, though what it entails/how serious it is depends on the state. There is contention on when street racing started, though some argue it started during prohibition. CW: >!Misogyny !< Mood Spoilers:>! Satisfying !< *The OOP is* u/whipssolo *Please note that I did edit these posts slightly for clarity/readability* [**You Never Had Your Car**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/t49shf/your_never_had_your_car/) **(Originally Posted March 1st, 2022 on** r/EntitledPeople **)** This past Sunday, I decided to take a track day at a regionally known drag strip during a no prep event (if you're not from the car scene just google "what is no prep drag racing" for a full understanding.) My partner and i took two pick up trucks with two two car trailers, with 3 cars in them along with tools, spare wheels with tires on them, etc. I brought my 1996 Honda Civic Hatchback which without going full car nerd, has an engine swap and a lot of work done. it's quite fast for a honda but really just a toy. i also brought my Nissan Laurel which is imported from Japan and was never sold in the United States. the car is primarily a drift car but with 30 minutes of work it can be changed over to a drag setup. my buddy brought his 1996 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. we were running all day making small wagers with those at the track and together we were up just over 20k on the day from wagers. Around 8pm, with the track closing at 9pm i had the douchey-ist of Chad's approach me and engage in the typical smack talk about how my cars are slow and how incredible his car is, yadda yadda yadda. after being goaded numerous times, declining a 10k race and really just trying to pack up for the day this dick head decided to insult my wife in a rather derogatory and misogynistic way. the comments were both disgusting and about how a woman doesn't belong on a race track. I thought for a second before responding, then i said to our Entitled Prick, Me: since women don't belong on the race track, why don't you race her in the Laurel? EP: 10k bro that's easy money, lets go. Me: no no no, if you're racing her it's going to be for titles. (known in hollywood as pink slips or just pinks.) EP: hell yeah i'll take your car (starts laughing and further insulting wife to his cronies.) we shook hands, pulled out paperwork and found a track official to hold both sets of paperwork before getting ready for the run. one single 1/4 mile race for both cars. the tree turned green and they blew off the line, EP pulled slightly ahead out of the gate and you could just feel the misogynistic comments he was saying to himself as he flew down the track. about halfway down the track Wife caught up to him and surpassed him. finishing the race with enough room to parallel park an F250 between them. wife pulls back into our stall smiling and laughing, excited over her win as it was only her third pass on the track for the day. i went to the staff member to collect paperwork without problem and then went over to EP's stall to collect our car. as we turned the corner into the stall EP yelled "F\*CK NO! I'M NOT GIVING MY CAR TO A WOMAN. SHE GOT LUCKY, TWO OUT OF THREE. F\*CK THIS." etc. all of EP's friends were laughing at him and making the "hurhurhur you got beat by a girl" jokes that were popular in middle school. i noticed the keys were still in the car so i quickly reached into the car and snatched them. after grabbing the keys i was sucker punched by EP and i did defend myself. i didn't engage in a full on brawl, merely defended myself after giving it one good swing. track officials separated us and EP started screaming to staff that i was trying to steal his car and saying he was going to call the police. you see in my state, all bets are legal at the track as it's no different than betting on a horse. taxes are paid on the bet. in the event of a slip race taxes are paid on the vehicle through the DMV. EP's threat of police held no power. EP continued to scream for another 15 minutes not letting anyone else get a word in. finally the OWNER of the track came by and ordered EP off the property, or HE would call the police for a trespass order. Owner also informed EP he was banned from the track for the rest of the year. we returned to our stall with the keys in hand and waited for EP to leave. having no choice EP left without the car. this morning i was served with a $100,000 lawsuit from EP. turns out EP had taken a 100k loan to build this race car and still owes almost all of it. according to his suit the loan was taken in July of last year. EP not only lost the race fair and square which he knowingly bet his car on, but decided to litigate against ME not Wife. i can only assume this is due to EP's blind rage and misogyny. before anyone asks, EP lost a 1969 Pontiac GTO with a specialty engine in it from Texas Speed and a whole lot of other engine upgrades. the engine alone retails for $45,000. checking the prices of a stock 69 GTO they seem to be between 60-70k. so i'd assume this car is worth 75-80k. i'll be posting photos of the wife and i's cars in a comment as it wouldn't allow me to embed links in the post. this Dbag is going to be a gigantic headache, i can already tell. any advice would be appreciated. [**Update: You never had your car; the revenge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/t9i2bv/update_you_never_had_your_car_the_revenge/) **(Originally Posted March 8th, 2022 on** r/ProRevenge**)** alright so last week i posted these events in r/entitledpeople and part 2 100% belongs here. for a TL:DR to catch you up, Chad decided to talk a bunch of misogynist crap at my wife in the pits at the drag strip. he challenged the wife to a race for $10,000, i retorted slips or admit you're a pussy. Chad put his slip up and lost to a girl. Chad then decided to assault me, threaten to call police and was screaming we were stealing his car. later Chad attempted to sue us because to build the race car he took out a second mortgage on his home of at least $100,000. you see the Entitled Douche, Chad Chaddington III decided to file a frivolous lawsuit which cost me $500 to have my lawyer get it thrown out before weeks end. however you see, monday we filed our own paperwork. first we started with PPO's for both myself and wife. we then filed a defamation suit that also seeks legal fees as well as missed income due to time spent at the courts. the suit in total was for $18,000. (i own 4 businesses and make on average $1,380 an hour) and the wife makes around $300 an hour. today we went into court over the PPO's. wife and i decided to take the GTO to court and as i parked in the parking lot, i saw Chad getting out of his car directly across from us. Chad looked like steam should be coming from his ears but he did manage to not say a word. after about 70 minutes the court called our cases for the PPO's. Chad wanted a hearing. through the hearing the whole story was told and the judge was very interested in Chad's physical aggression and threats. Chad also brought up the fact that the courts threw out his lawsuit for "theft" and stated he's going to lose his house because "he cannot get justice." the judge called for a recess and returned 15 minutes later, with the now dismissed lawsuit filed by Chad. according to Chad's lawsuit he was forced into the bet via threats of violence. after about 15 minutes of chad explaining how he was in fear for his life as i threatened him repeatedly it was now my attorney's turn to speak. you see, on all of my cars EXCEPT the honda, not only do i have dash cams, but i have Blackvue systems which record inside and outside audio along with 270 degrees around the car, and the interior. we had this footage available in court. the footage directly contradicted Chad's sob story. after the video finished playing the judge ruled for 3 year PPO's (restraining orders) against Chad for both myself and my wife, a $5,000 settlement, and he found Chad in contempt of court for perjuring himself. Chad was sentenced to 7 days in county lock up and a $3,000 fine for his lies. please fellas, leave the misogyny in the 1950's. *OOP has posted many more stories on his account though most are not actual updates. Marked as concluded as this story seems to be over.* *Edit: [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14sw9c8/oops_son_and_his_car/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) is another post on BORU about OOP about his son and his cars, though most unrelated to this post.*

Misogynist Bets OOPs Wife To A Street Race

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ss6au/misogynist_bets_oops_wife_to_a_street_race/

14sw9c8

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The first speeding ticket was issued in 1896. It was given to Walter Arnold, who drove a horseless carriage. It was given in the UK. Arnold was going 8mph when the speed limit for his machine was 2mph. *OOP is* u/whipssolo. *I have already posted about OOP Before. This is a separate story, hence a separate post. Like last time I edited the posts slightly for clarity.* [everyone demands free sports cars](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/sjng20/everyone_demands_free_sports_cars/) **(Originally Posted Feb 03, 2022 on** r/EntitledPeople**)** Alright so i'm sure most of us have been there, late teens/early 20's and sowing those oats as the boomers called it. a particularly fine looking dance partner comes along and all of a sudden you go from doing the waltz with half the town to looking like Tom when he sees the female cat in Tom & Jerry. this wildly attractive and intelligent person has you hook line and sinker and you're smitten completely. you change paths and start talking about how you're gonna start spending weekends at home depot and on DIY projects and your home has furniture for the first time in your life sense leaving the nest. Well here is where this fabulous fairy tale takes a hard left turn right into oncoming traffic. the apple of our eye you see has hatched a plan that is "if i have a baby, he is stuck with me." and thus a family is born. (replacing her own oral contraceptives with placebos and diligently taking them in front of you.) but wait, this is when everything goes to hell and you're now single again, seeing the kid you were truly tricked into having every other weekend and trying to foster the best relationship imaginable. eventually it becomes every other weekend and you spend all the time not with your little guy slaving away at work, playing your odds and everything's coming up Millhouse. 15 years pass and you've managed to go from a pizza delivery boy who also bartends a few nights a week to a man who owns 3 very successful businesses as well as other assets. life is good, another dance partner has come along and shown you the proper moves for a long lasting duet. This, friends, brings us to present day as our best mistake in life has turned 17 and you couldn't be more proud of that not-so-little sucker as he has grown into such an incredible youngin' you couldn't have dreamt of a better relationship or son. your son now has a brother that is 14 months younger than him. your old dirty dancing partner hasn't fared so well in such an open capitalist market and is still living in a lower-middle-class lifestyle. The shining star of your life has spent every weekend and any night he could after school since he was twelve restoring his first car from just a shell in a junkyard and it's finally time to head on down to the DMV for tags, title and a call to dad's insurance! it's the best day of both of your lives as you pull back into the shop so he can bring the fruits of his labor home with him and never ride the bus to school again! but there is a nasty storm on the horizon. Now we're up to our Entitled Kid and our Entitled Ex's role in this story. we pull into the driveway, the prodigal son in his dreamboat of a 1993 Mazda RX-7. the engine quickly braps away as the 2.0L 3 rotor is running better than Usain Bolt after hearing "release the cheetahs!" dad follows into the driveway of Ex's house in his 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer EVO MR. cars are parked and we walk for the door, play punching each other in the arm as we laugh and chat from pure excitement. As dad's foot hit's the porch the front door burst open and EK flies out the door, shoulder checking his brother as he runs toward the shiny red car in the driveway. our Entitled Ex of the story, who's EK and the chosen son's mother immediately walks out and looks at the two cars in the driveway and you can tell by the look on her face something must smell horrible within the walls of your long forgotten castle. dialog ensues: (EX = entitled Ex, EK = Entitled Kid, Me = well, your narrator, PS = our lovable protagonist of the story.) PS: MOM! remember the car i told you dad and i have been building forever? it's finally done and we got tags on it and you don't ever have to worry about driving me anywhere now! EX: (looking directly at our humble knight) why would you give him this car? it's nicer than mine? how much did it cost? you better have another one for EK. EK: Awesome! when will mine be here? Me: woah wait. I have one child, he chose this car when he was eleven and we spent almost two years finding one to restore. PS spent almost all of his free time building this car with his bare hands while i helped and guided him. EK was even invited to come hang out at the shop with his brother any time if he wanted to but has never once came. EK: can I get a GTR? i really like that silver one from Fast & Furious! EX: you know, I'm still driving the Miata you bought me in 2005, i need a new car too, PS give me your keys you're going to be driving my car while i take the new one. PS: the F\*ck you are (Me and EX simultaneously-) Me: Watch your mouth please EX: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY, now you'll be driving nothing. EK: I'll take the Miata until Whipssolo gets my GTR if PS isn't going to be driving it. Me: PS's car legally belongs to me and is only insured for him or I to drive it, no one will drive PS's car unless it is him or I. No one. Understand? EX: Well you better take me to <local BMW dealer> and get me at least a used 4 series if you think I'm letting PS drive this car. PS: (finally collecting his thoughts) mom, dad isn't EK's dad, he's not your husband and i can't remember a time when he was. That's my car I built with my own hands (tearing up at this point) and I'll just sell it before dad buys you a new car. Me: (proud, concerned and all around befuddled from these events) PS, go pack a bag or two of all your important stuff, you can drive to school from my house now so it's no big deal. EX screamed an absolute boatload of insults, curse words and demands as we got into our cars and has been texting me nonstop ever snice. This happened on sunday. EK showed up at my shop last night and wanted to "learn the ropes." I had to inform EK that I wasn't going to be buying him a car, but if he wanted to learn mechanics I'd be happy to teach him, and when he did get a car I'm sure both I and his brother would help him do any modifications he'd like to it AND I'd also get him parts at wholesale price (35-50% off typically). EK immediately screamed "this is bullsh\*t, kicked in the door of a 2015 mustang we had in for a cam job denting it all to hell and running out of my shop. I've sent an officer to formally trespass EK from my business and filed a police report on EX to make the phone calls/texts end. So far no charges have been filed. I decided to tell this story with a bit of jest as if I didn't I'd have dropped an F bomb every fourth word while typing this. If i'm in some bizarro world where I'm the entitled douche here, feel free to roast me. I'll end by saying my ex had seen our son's car about a week after we fished it out of the junk yard and it literally looked like that scene in the first fast and the furious with the supra on the back of the tow truck. "2JZ no sh\*t." [**AITA for calling the police on my sons friend?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xmkhi7/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_sons_friend/) **(Originally Posted Sep 24, 2022 on** r/AmItheAsshole**)** About an hour ago i was on my motorcycle headed home from the bar about 20-25 minutes from my home, my wife on the back. don't worry i was sober as our main reason for going out was dinner, sure the wife had a couple of margarita's but whatevs. early this year my 16 year old son moved in with me, leaving his mothers house due to an issue where she refused to let him bring his car home because it was "too nice." the car is a fully restored 1993 Mazda Rx7 with a 20b pport big turbo 3 rotor for any gearheads. I mention my sons car as i also have a small collection of my own, the one that is important to this story is my 1996 Nissan Silvia (Kouki.) which has a fully built SR20det in it and makes around 650 horsepower, my sons car makes between 550-600 for reference. both of these cars are rear wheel drive and tuned to drift. these cars are worth as much as a new top end BMW as well as dangerous if you are not a trained driver. Now back to the story, I was on my way home on the bike with the Mrs. and i happened to see my sons car on the 4 lane (2 lanes each direction with median) highway. i saw it as it blew by us going what i would guess is about 110-115 mph. already furious at my son less than 10 seconds later i saw another flash of light and metal fly past me. i immediately recognized the car as my S14. i took the very next exit and proceeded to call my son three times and he did not answer. my wife and i decided to call the police and report the S14 stolen along with another car traveling at a high rate of speed with it. Well the police only managed to catch my sons friend who was driving my car, he was arrested and hauled into juvi for the remainder of the weekend and i'm not sure if i am going to press charges. my son managed to make it home, however i have taken his keys and told him he will get them back on his birthday early next year, if he can learn how to act. as for the kid driving my car his mother called me and called me far too many names to even remember and blamed ME for her son stealing my car. the keys to my cars are kept in a lock box in the foyer of my home and i did not let him in. AITA for reporting my son for reckless driving, along with his friend who happened to steal my car? Am I handling this situation appropriately? Edit\*\* My wife thinks I went too far by reporting the car stolen, however i did this because i was afraid he would hurt or even kill himself with the car. He doesn't even have a license and it's a purpose built track car made to drive sideways. **UPDATE 1 (Posted On The Same Post The Next Day)** I spoke with my son this morning for a couple of hours. if there is one thing i can give him credit for is he is not a liar. he told me the entire truth, without any impelishing. i know this due to a Blackvue system within his car as well as home security cameras that picked up audio, however did not pick up video of them breaking into the lock box. My son fell victim to peer pressure, and for that he will lose access to his car for the next 100 days. Being able to use my wife's old nissan sentra to get back and forth to school or if we need to have him run an errand, 100 days due to myself only being able to confirm a top speed of 100 mph. He will also have his wages in the family business cut to $13 an hour, earning 1 dollar a week back until he reaches his current wage of $32 an hour. (he is an ASE certified mechanic and auto body technician and makes the same as my other employees, though he only works 16-20 hours a week.) I am meeting with the friends mother this evening and taking my son, police reports and video evidence from both cars with me. I will update on that after our meeting. Thanks for all the comments, I simply cannot reply to them all lol. I did try though. **FINAL UPDATE (September 25th, 2022, On The Same Post)** I spoke with the kids mom and she agrees that it is a good idea to have him work for me, I never brought up charges during the conversation but I did show her the videos from inside my kitchen (which caught foyer audio) as well as the dashcam from the car (with audio) from the incident. The mother apologized to me for freaking out and broke down in a bit of stress as I wasn't aware how much she had going on since only our kids are friends. I'm looking into seeing what else I can do for this family to help point the two of them in the right direction. Her son will start working in the shop a week from monday at $13 an hour and after 3 months I'm going to bump him to $20. I'm going to pay for all of his certifications and teach him how to properly race, ON A TRACK. He does have up to 2,500 in fines to worry about but there will be zero criminal charges. For those of you who think I am making the wrong decision, the only thing I ask is you google the definition of empathy, then look within and see if there was ever an event that could have ruined your life. Odds are there is. *Marked as concluded as I doubt there will be another update on the family as this mostly seems resolved. If you want to see another post from OOP about his cars, I posted one* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ss6au/misogynist_bets_oops_wife_to_a_street_race/)*.*

OOPs Son And His Car

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14sw9c8/oops_son_and_his_car/

14tcr0i

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/pbd1996. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole (she specified her gender in other posts.) **Mood Spoiler:** >!seems ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14er9rr/aita_for_leaving_a_note_on_my_neighbors_doorstep/)**: June 20, 2023** I have lived in the same apartment building for about five years. Throughout my time here, I’ve had many neighbors come and go, and I have never had any noise issues. However, last year, a new neighbor moved in three units down. He’s about 40 and has three children under the age of 4. For months, I have listened to his children scream/cry all day long, whether it be in his apartment or in the hallway. At first, I tried to ignore the behavior as I felt bad (it appeared he was a newly single father and was struggling). However, as time went on, it became clear that he just straight up lets his kids behave however they want. For example, when they shriek at the top of their lungs in the hallway/right outside my door, he never says “shhh let’s be quiet” or anything at all. He just lets it happen without a peep. Additionally, I have come to realize the frequency and the volume of the screaming/crying/shrieking is way beyond what is normal. I’d venture to say I hear anywhere from 10-15 full on tantrums every single day. All of which are ear piercingly loud. And like I said, he does not say or do anything about these tantrums. It’s now at the point where I find myself frustrated and annoyed in my own home all the time. Right now, I’m working on a paper in my apartment and I can’t even concentrate because all I can hear are his children. Because of this, I wrote a note (a polite note) and left it on his door step. Essentially, my note said that I sympathized with him, but the noise is out of control. I also stressed that I wanted to confront him directly first (I realize that sounds hypocritical since I left an anonymous note) rather than going straight to management. AITA for leaving this note? Should I have handled it differently? ***Relevant Comments:*** *YTA, what do you think he's going to do with 3 children under 4? Spend the day elsewhere? Buy ear plugs.* "Idk maybe tell his child to be quiet when she’s shrieking in the hallway at the top of her lungs for no reason? And apologize to all the neighbors who opened their doors to see what the commotion was about?" *You assume he hasn't tried to quiet his kids and is also unaware of their screaming:* "Considering he wears headphones all day while he games, no. I don’t think he has the “pleasure” of hearing them scream all day like the rest of us do." *How tf do you know?* "Because he told my husband that he’s an avid gamer and games pretty much all day long. He’s also a tech geek and retired- he sold some sort of major software." *YTA- what do you think your note will accomplish? Tantrums are normal* "According to professionals, it is actually not normal for children to have that many tantrums in a 24 hour time span." "A child’s behavior has a direct relationship with their environment and how they are parented. It’s not something that’s 100% dependent on their “natural temperament.”" ***OOP is voted NTA, but the mods removed the post fairly quickly so it is difficult to say if that judgement would have stayed the same.*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14l8r7b/update_aita_for_leaving_a_note_on_my_neighbors/)**: June 28, 2023 (8 days later)** After reading the comments on my original post, I decided to remove the note before my neighbor saw it. I took what some of you said into consideration: perhaps I just needed to be more patient. I decided if the noise issue escalated, then I’d do something. Otherwise, I would just suck it up (and use headphones like some of you advised). Well, today, his children screamed/shrieked four times within a one hour period in the hallway. This was right by my door about two feet away from my apartment. The fourth time it happened, I opened my door and said “please don’t scream in the hallway, guys!” Once I said this, he told me that his kids are allowed to scream in the hallway (or anywhere else in the building) that they feel like. I told him that actually, no, they’re not, according to our lease. He then told me to suck it up and to contact management and to not talk to him. After our conversation, he told all three of his kids “you can be as loud as you want in here!” and then shot me a nasty look, and proceeded to walk to the stairs. Once he said that, all three kids started squealing as loud as possible, on purpose. I sent management an email and they are talking to him first thing in the morning. I know some of you suggested I do this in the first place- I wish I did! **Update 2.0: Same Day, Same Post** I just went down to the management office to follow up with the manager. She said she had a meeting set for today at 1pm with the resident (she immediately contacted him when I emailed her last night). But then today, he emailed her saying he could no longer make the 1pm meeting and asked why he had to come down (he’s in his apartment right now doing nothing… he doesn’t work). She told him he is in violation of his lease and it’s best if he comes down. Apparently, he didn’t reply to her. She told me that if he doesn’t come down to meet with her, she is going to draft an official lease violation letter and begin the process of eviction. I was blown away (she’s a great manager). She told me that his reaction (telling me his kids are allowed to yell & and telling the kids to keep yelling) is the reason for how she’s handling this, not purely the noise complaint. She said she’s horrified and disgusted that somebody would handle the situation this way. Her and I both agreed that it was strange he would encourage me to “not speak to him” and to “contact management” rather than just simply telling his kids “shhhh” and appreciating I said something to him directly. **Update 3.0 (Same Post): June 29, 2023 (next day)** After I talked with management, I saw my neighbor bring his children to their mother’s house. He’s been in his apartment, alone, for the last few days and hasn’t come out. He has all the blinds drawn. He posted the following status on social media “I am the perfect success in all areas of life” (my husband follows him, which is how I know this). I think he’s pretending he’s not home to avoid both myself and management. Idk what to make of it and I don’t plan on getting involved. ***Relevant Comments:*** "My personal theory is that, up until this year, he’s never had to take care of his kids. A nanny has. So, parenting is really new to him and he has no clue as to what’s normal and what’s not. I think he likes making his kids happy so he just never says “no” or “stop.” I don’t think he has a clue what he’s doing. A few weeks ago, he was at the pool with the kids and they were all shrieking and he seemed so oblivious that it was a problem. It wasn’t until he saw other parents saying “stop yelling” to their own kids, that it seemed to click in his head, and they abruptly left the pool. Idk why he couldn’t translate that experience into “maybe my kids shouldn’t yell in the hallways” lol." *More about neighbor:* "My neighbor in general is friendly-ish, but really awkward. He’s not a talkative guy and avoids social interaction (for example, if somebody takes the elevator, he starts walking in the other direction toward the stairs). However, sometimes he’s stuck socializing when he clearly doesn’t want to (since we live in an apartment building). My husband is extremely outgoing/social (me, not so much) so he’s been able to have quite a few conversations with him over the past year. I only had an actual conversation with him once. I never assumed he would react the way he did. If anything, he seemed like the type who would be meek and embarrassed when confronted. So I was super surprised by his reaction. So was my husband. In addition to his post about being “perfect” he made another post saying “overthinking is a disease.” I honestly think the guy is just really socially inept." ***One last note from OOP:*** *(This was 4 days ago but IMO was more of a comment on the situation and not an update so I'm including it here)* I’m assuming management got in contact with him (either in person, over email, or via a paper notice) and notified him that he violated his lease and he needs to fix the issue or else he will be evicted. And I’m assuming he said okay. But I don’t know for sure. I haven’t heard his kids scream in the hallway since the incident, which is relieving. However, the other day, we were both in the hallway at the same time (he had taken the stairs and I had taken the elevator) and made direct eye contact. It was so awkward. Neither of us said anything/just unlocked our apartment doors in silence. Although, when he opened his door, his kids were screamingggggggg at the top of their lungs inside. I just laughed to myself and went inside- he can deal with the screaming in his apartment all he wants, I’m just happy I don’t have to hear it in my hallway anymore (hopefully).

AITA for leaving a note on my neighbor’s doorstep about his screaming children?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14tcr0i/aita_for_leaving_a_note_on_my_neighbors_doorstep/

14td313

I am not the original poster, this was originally posted in r/AmItheAsshole by u/aitastepsonprob. (Marked as concluded due to the age of the post as well as a comment from OOP) &#x200B; TW: >!Crappy parenting, brief mention of death threats!< Mood spoiler: >!The whole thing is kinda infuriating!< &#x200B; [First post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/htfaq5/aita_for_cancelling_my_stepsons_birthday_because/) (Originally posted on July 18th, 2020) &#x200B; I married my husband 2 years ago and my relationship with my stepson (12) has never been well. We tried everything but nothing seems to work. His behavior towards me is so terrible, he shouts at me, swears me, and calls me worst “mother” ever. His 13th birthday is tomorrow and since my daughter (7F) birthday is only 10 days apart we usually celebrate them both in the same day (they are fine with it). I asked my stepson who he has invited and that's when he facepalms (gesture) and tells me that he has already answered this question before in the worst tone ever. This is where I lost it and told him that because of his attitude I am going to cancel his birthday tomorrow. At first he didn’t believe me since it’s not the first time I intend to punish him without actually doing it in the end. But this time I was serious, and to prove it to him I called his grandparents and told them his birthday got cancelled. He started crying begging me not to cancel but I told him it’s too late. I got berated by his grandparents because of this and told me that I don’t have the rights to cancel his birthday. As his mother I am pretty sure I can do what I want though but they weren’t listening to me. They even told me that tomorrow they are coming to his birthday with the gifts even after I told them not to bother because I won’t open the door. AITA here? edit: facepalm award? really? &#x200B; \------------------------------ &#x200B; OOP was unsurprisingly voted as being an a-hole in the original post. Here are some of her replies: &#x200B; Deleted user: I'm being jerk to a child. Am I the asshole? YTA. OOP: this is not my intention at all. I just want him to start respecting me. &#x200B; u/thepinkprioress: How long have you been in his life? Where is his father? Where is his biological mother? Does he see you as a mom? Because it seems he doesn’t, but he should respect you as a parental figure. You’ve played soft with him all this time, but most importantly, where is the boy’s father? He should be disciplining the child. OOP: \>How long have you been in his life? I have been in his life for 3 years (although the first year I wasn't spending so much time with him). \>Where is his father? He's a doctor and had to go to another city for a month. \>Where is his biological mother? She's mentally unstable and did not see her child for almost a year now. \>Does he see you as a mom? By the way he is acting no, unfortunately he does not. &#x200B; OOP: I am really hurt from what you just said.You know nothing about me, his father is away most of the time and I am the one taking care of him. I spend more time with his son than both his father and biological mother combined, yet you dare tell me that I am a pathetic excuse of a mother? Shame on you.EDIT: The fact that people are agreeing with what you just said is honestly so sad. You guys really think you know all our life story based on this post I made? You are free to judge me, as I have made this post for that, but stop assuming things you don't know.EDIT: Thank you mod. u/svgsusbwbsudjrjebh: Shame on me?you canceled his birthday party because YOU COULDNT REMEMBER THE NAMES.YOU CANCELED HIS PARTY BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU DID.cancelling his party is a horrible overreaction,and that poor kid told u the names.why didn’t you remember them?if you are such a great mother as you call yourself,why couldn’t you remember a couple of names? if you wanted to punish him for simply facepalming,that’s already bad enough,but canceling the whole birthday party?shame on you.i wonder if you would’ve reacted the same if ur daughter face palmed.i think not. OOP: If she was also disrespectful before then yes I would. I didn't punish my son only for the facepalm.Despite knowing him for only 3 years, believe it or not, I love them both equally as much. &#x200B; u/svgsusbwbsudjrjebh: also ur comment,,as his mom I can whatever I want’’ yes u can,but don’t be surprised if he cuts contact at 18. OOP: have you read my post? honestly now, as I have clearly stated how he has been terrible with me for 2 years straight. &#x200B; u/missy-scribbles: INFO: what did his dad say when you told him you made this decision? OOP: He just called me not too long ago and is against it.His birthday party will most likely not get cancelled anymore after the arguments I had with him and my sons grandparents and the lack of NTA/NAH comments here, but it might have to be postponed due to me not arranging things on time and other issues.I will still take his presents as a punishment and give them back to him once he behaves and hopefully I am taking the right actions with this. &#x200B; u/Diarity: You are really bad at parenting. OOP: I only started parenting him 2 years ago. Until then I was parenting my daughter who still respects me and is overall an adorable little girl. I don't think I was the one that failed here...EDIT: Alright I had enough. Starting from now offensive awards are going to be hidden. &#x200B; \------------------------------ &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1528s/update_aita_for_cancelling_my_stepsons_birthday/) (Posted on July 31st, 2020) &#x200B; A lot of you have dm’d me for an update and since things are getting better between me and my son I decided to let you know how things are going. Click here to see the original post if you haven’t already. Since many of you have called me an asshole and after the conversation I had with my husband and his parents, I realized that I did indeed overreact and I shouldn’t have made such a harsh punishment. Some of you suggested if his attitude persists, I should find other ways to punish him like not allowing him on the laptop, let him do some housework, etc. and I will start doing these sort of punishments if needed. Unfortunately, due to me not contacting his friends on time, his birthday party still didn’t happen on his birthday, it was postponed 2 days later, but my daughter still got to celebrate her birthday on that day. My son was obviously really upset and in the morning he came to me and was on the verge of crying asking me if I did actually cancel his birthday party. I told him that unfortunately his friends already made plans but if he behaves I will still do his birthday after 2 days. Surprisingly, he was really polite with me these days, probably because he really wanted his birthday party, but I am really happy to see that he stopped raising his voice at me and stopped with these rude gestures such as face palming. His grandparents were also really upset on me and they ended up arranging the party for him instead as they said I am too irresponsible. Both birthday parties ended up being successful and until now I still haven’t had any severe arguments with him and I am really happy with the way things are going. Thank you to everyone who sent me dms to support me and provide me tips, especially the step mothers who are going through similar problems EDIT: I am extremely disappointed in the way things are turning out in the comments. I wrote this update post because you guys were interested in seeing how things came out to be in the end and I was more than happy to update you guys, and this is the respect I am getting back? When writing your comments please take a moment to think before clicking on that submit button or else I will no longer be interacting with this thread. EDIT2: Alright I can't anymore. This is just too much for me to handle. I will come back in an hour or two. You guys clearly don't know how to act civil and I wouldn't be surprised if this thread gets locked soon. EDIT3: SCREW YOU TO THE ANONYMOUS USER WHO JUST AWARDED ME WISHING THAT ME AND MY DAUGHTER DIE. I GET THAT YOU STILL THINK I AM THE ASSHOLE HERE, BUT THIS IS NOT A COMPETITION ON WHICH ONE OF US CAN BE THE BIGGER ONE. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. &#x200B; \------------------------------ &#x200B; Some of OOP's replies from that post: &#x200B; u/Issamelissa84: YTA. I can imagine that being a step-parent to a pre-teen is a really big challenge, but from what I've read in your previous post, and this one, your focus seems to be on punishing this child into behaving... without caring to understand where the behaviour is coming from. This boy does not need punitive punishment, he needs you to listen and connect with him. Do some reading, listen to some podcasts, change your perspective. OOP: I am aware where this behavior is coming from and I can sort of understand him. Unfortunately he gets little time and attention from his biological mother and father and this obviously affects him emotionally and I have already told my husband this. I am trying my best to be a mother for him but it's just so difficult with the little support I have from my husband and his parents. &#x200B; u/MissIllusion: YTA I really don't think you are understanding what everyone is trying to tell you. This kid hasnt seen his m other in a year and now his father has left him behind with a virtual stranger for a month. This kid is hurting and probably feels abandoned and he's taking it out on the one person he can.Guess what. All kids do this to their safe person. Apparently he thought that was you and turns out he was wrong as you showed him you are definitely not understanding nor compassionate. He had an emotive reaction to a comment and you blew it out of proportion. He probably won't feel safe to be himself around you and will be fearful of your reaction. You shouldnt be parenting in fear. This kid needs kindness and understanding.I find it surprising that you managed to pull off your daughters party but we're unable to do the same for him. God what a mess. I'd seriously consider ensuring he has a counsellor to talk to. Parenting is about being the safe place for your kid, they will say shitty things to you. It's your job to be patient and kind yetset boundaries over their emotions whole still understanding that their frontal brain has shut down and they cannot control these outbursts at times. OOP: \>his father has left him behind with a virtual stranger for a month I'm sorry what? His father left him with me. &#x200B; u/Skull-Bearer: Jesus Christ the brains on this one... OOP: alright I had enough of you. You have been replying rudely to every single comment of mine. I am blocking you as it's obvious that we 2 can not have any civil conversation. &#x200B; u/Jayceejaco: Can’t wait for the 5 year update post where the step son has completely cut you out of his life and you’re surprised you’re not allowed anywhere near him. OOP: I know you are being ironic, but you guys can beg me all you want because I will never be posting another update cause of the way things are going. &#x200B; \------------------------------ Reminder: I am not OOP

AITA For cancelling my step-sons birthday because he facepalmed me? + UPDATE

CONCLUDED

MissBarker93

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14td313/aita_for_cancelling_my_stepsons_birthday_because/

14tdftj

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The planet of mars has two moons. Their names are Phobos and Deimos. They are both named after Greek Gods even though Mars is named after the Roman God of War. Phobos is the Greek God of fear and panic and Deimos is the God/embodiment of dread and terror. CW: None Mood Spoilers:>! Satisfying for OOP!< [**About to leave my decent paying, amazing benefits job. Why, you ask?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/s3be0q/about_to_leave_my_decent_paying_amazing_benefits/) **(Originally Posted January 13th, 2022 on** r/antiwork**)** I just had a meeting with my bosses (husband and wife team) so I could discuss with them some obstacles that were keeping me from being able to deliver on my specific job duties. We had discussed this before, and they expressed to me that they were unhappy with the lack of progress being made on several large projects. I explained to them that the number of extra tasks they had been assigning me (outside of what is considered my job) has been limiting me from a time standpoint. Today, I put together a presentation for them, outlining our current progress on those large projects and showing the completion of several other small projects. I explained to them again why the large projects were still not completed, this time giving examples of the specific extra tasks they have been giving me, outlining how much work those tasks take, and giving solutions on how those extra tasks could be allocated elsewhere. They were not happy. They made me go walk them through the exact amount of time it takes for every task to be completed, down to minutes. I heard the phrase “well it’s a 40 hour work week” on multiple occasions where I mentioned that I may be out to lunch at some point during the day. In the end, it was decided the majority of the extra tasks are to remain solely my responsibility, and I am just somehow expected to make it work from a time standpoint. As part of the presentation I recommended new strategies to achieve our goals as the current strategies in place aren’t working. They shot down nearly all of my ideas and were somewhat offended that I would have the audacity to recommend a new course of action. They DID decide, on my recommendation, to outsource for a portion of one of the large projects I was struggling with, but at the cost of no longer allowing me one day per week to work from home. That was the final straw. This one day a week I have to work from home is the only time I can get a lot of good work done, as any time I’m at the office there are distractions and extra tasks being asked of me nearly every hour. I explained to them that this work from home day was absolutely vital, and their response is that they would talk about it and get back to me. We all know what that means. I also found out that the 5 days I was out sick with COVID (which I most likely got from the workplace) are to be considered PTO. This is not the first time they have “misrepresented” (lied) about constraints around PTO. I am stretched too thin and my generosity in completing extra work around the office has been taken for granted. I don’t know how much longer I can last here, but I’ve already started applying to different positions. [**My boss won’t give me a copy of my contract?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/WorkReform/comments/tfgioc/my_boss_wont_give_me_a_copy_of_my_contract/) **(Originally Posted March 16th, 2022 on** r/WorkReform**)** Basically as the title says. I had a computer mishap and lost a whole bunch of files I was unable to recover, my current employment contract being one of them. I plan on leaving this job soon, which I think they know, but I haven’t given notice. I recall vaguely something in my contract saying they require 30 days notice, and I just wanted to double check that so I can plan accordingly. I requested a copy of my contract from my boss, and she said she won’t sent me a copy. The best she could do was schedule a time in a week or so to sit down with her in her office to look at a printed version. She says any time an employee asks to review any of the school’s files it needs to be done under supervision. That also means I cant take a picture, and will have nothing for myself. What can I do here? *Most commentors are asking her if she's sure that she's lost the contract and she is, clarifying that it isn't in any computer program or file storage that she has access to. Her best bet for a copy would to be to voice record her boss and her going over it, which is legal in her state, but she is hesitant to do this for fear of getting caught.* [**"This is the priority!!" A bit of MC against my awful boss.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/uowad4/this_is_the_priority_a_bit_of_mc_against_my_awful/) **(Originally Posted May 13th, 2022 on** r/MaliciousCompliance**)** Some background: (without giving too many details in case one of my coworkers sees this) I've been working as the marketing director for a very small company for the past year or so. This job started out nice enough but it quickly went downhill when we had about 10 of our 35 full time staff members quit over the span of a few months. They all left for various reasons relating to the awful boss's (Who I will call Stacy) poor management tactics and her team's attitude. The staffing issue became my issue when I was forced to pick up the slack for everyone who had left. I was being asked to do a number of miscellaneous tasks, some of which I was nowhere near qualified for, all of which took away from my time to do my actual job of marketing. Despite this, Stacy would consistently make a fuss over certain marketing objectives not being completed when she wanted. I would always explain to her that because she had delegated me to do specific work elsewhere, I had no time to do the marketing projects we had brainstormed. She of course never listened. As time went on we lost 5 more staff members, including our secretary. I was moved to cover her position at the front desk full time for 5 weeks, during which I couldn't get any of my actual job doing marketing done. All of my projects came to a standstill, and we even lost touch with one of our vendors who I had been working with. The minute I was able to return to my own office Stacy and her team were hounding me for marketing materials that in their minds should have been done by now, but I explained to them that as I essentially had a different job for the last 5 weeks, I wasn't allowed any time to work on them. I was beyond frustrated at this point and began looking for other jobs. About 2 weeks ago I got an offer for a much better company, and handed in my notice to Stacy. Stacy was flustered, and asked me before I leave to finish a list of projects that she had kept putting off. Specifically she wanted a project (Project A) that she had repeatedly pushed to the back burner since DECEMBER to be done. I was the only one who could do this project and she knew it, and she desperately wanted it done before I left since its completion meant she could put off hiring my replacement for awhile. In our meeting she told me specifically that Project A was the priority and I was to do no other work until it was completed. Okay! Cue malicious compliance: One of the other reasons why it would sometimes take so long to get certain marketing projects done is because they required Stacy and her team's input and approval. This was mostly for design related projects. I would make an initial design, get their input of what looked good, change the design, and then wait for them to approve it before sending it of to a printing or manufacturing company. All of this happened over email, and no matter how many reminders I would send Stacy would always drag her feet in responding. It could sometimes take an entire week to do what should have taken maybe 3 hours. I mentioned this problem to Stacy before, and she again never listened. Well, guess what this final project she wanted me to complete was? A design project. And guess who has spent the last week and a half dragging her feet to respond to my emails about it? Stacy. Now, I could have been working on the other items on the laundry list of work she wanted me to do while I waited for Project A's approval, however since she explicitly told me Project A was the priority, not a single thing on her list got done. The best part is there is not enough time for me to fully complete Project A now either since she took so long to respond. I will be handing off to her all the design files (most of which she can't even open since she doesn't have the right software) and then leaving on Tuesday. After that, not my problem! [**"This is the priority!!" A bit of MC against my awful boss (UPDATE)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/urq71v/this_is_the_priority_a_bit_of_mc_against_my_awful/) **(Originally Posted May 17th, 2022 on** r/MaliciousCompliance**)** I decided to make a second post to update because oh boy. Original post here. I'm writing this on my lunch break, where I thought for sure I wouldn't have anything to report to you guys until the end of the day, but this morning was interesting to say the least. First of all, I'll reveal a bit more information about where I work because the context is needed to fully explain: I do the marketing and communications for a small school. "Stacy", my boss, is the principal. The work I mentioned in my previous post where I was asked to do things I was nowhere near qualified for was to teach. Very often I would be asked to substitute teach, despite not having the proper qualifications such as licenses or a degree in the subject matter. At one point I had to cover teaching a class of elementary schoolers with no lesson plan for an entire week because their teacher quit on the spot. Well, today, my last day, I woke up to a number of texts sent at 5am from my boss asking me to cover again and substitute teach. Absolutely fucking not. Not on my last day will I be doing something completely out lines with my work and that quite frankly makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I said no, she said do it anyways. No. I refuse to sub today, so I decided to explain a few things to Stacy. Project A still isn't finished. It wasn't going to be finished by the time I left regardless of what I did today because it was so far behind. Again, all because she took a week and a half to respond to an email approving the design. My original plan today was to do as much work on Project A as possible, but if I was being asked to substitute teach instead it looks like that wouldn't be happening. So now instead of being mostly done, Project A would only be little more than halfway complete when I left. Stacy was not happy hearing all this, but somehow now she was miraculously able to find an actual substitute teacher. Now for a little additional MC. Now that Stacy knew Project A wasn't complete, she reiterated to me that it was the top priority, and she wanted me to do ONLY work for Project A today, nothing else. So, I will be doing absolutely nothing else. I was going to create a file in google drive with all of my photographs, designs, and other media and give them access. I was going to show one of my coworkers how to log in to do basic edits to our website. I was going to create an excel sheet with all of the passwords for our various social media accounts, softwares, and other 3rd party apps. I considered these all basic things to do when leaving a workplace, but now it looks like I'm not allowed to do those. None of these items would have taken me more than 10 minutes, but will wind up taking the school hours if not days to reconcile. At 3:15pm exactly I will be out of here, and then I'm done with them. I'm so excited to leave I've already started packing up my belongings, and I'm being incredibly meticulous and petty about it. All of the pens, staples, and binder clips I bought are going home with me, even if they're in use. I'm taking my plug-in air freshener out of the bathroom. Even the temporary wallpaper I put up is coming down! I can't wait until a few weeks from now when they call looking for access to the pictures I took. Once my last paycheck clears, all those files are going in the trash. I won't even offer them a chance to get them back by paying me a ridiculous consulting fee. As far as I'm concerned, that's their problem, not mine. —- Edit: I’m out. Good riddance. *Marked As Concluded As OOP Has Left Her Job And No Further Updates About It Have Been Made.* &#x200B; &#x200B;

OP Works For A Horrible Boss And Then Maliciously Complies As She Finally Leaves

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14tdftj/op_works_for_a_horrible_boss_and_then_maliciously/

14te02q

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/PurplePinball **in** r/antiwork mood spoilers:>! frustration!<   [**Gave a ride home to my Boss. HUGE Mistake!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/qylykf/gave_a_ride_home_to_my_boss_huge_mistake/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sun, Nov 21, 2021 I'm 26(M) and I work at local bigbox store...sucks I know but haven't had much luck entering the career I studied for. I worked a closing shift last week and I noticed my boss having car issues and asked if he needed a ride. I drove him home and it was really awkward. He just talked about work and I get the sense it is his entire world. As I dropped him off he says "Pick me up here tomorrow at 7am" I was like "yeah sure" because I thought he was joking. He proceeds to tell.me his car will need to be taken to a mechanic and he needs a ride tomorrow at 7am. I reluctantly agreed. I've been driving him into work for over a week and he has gone so far as to change my shift schedule so that I start at the same time as him every day and get off at closing. He has me off for four hours in the middle of the shift so that I don't rack up any overtime hours! Yesterday, while driving him home, which is 15 minutes out of my way I asked if he could pay for some gas. He went nuts. Said that I should be glad to even have a job and that I should be grateful for being able to make a connection with someone who is in a powerful position inside the company. I need the job but I don't know what the heck to do. He hasn't even told me when his car is expected to be fixed. Life sucks atm. &#x200B; ***Relevant Comment:*** **BrownSugarBare** >If OP gets fired for this, fuck unemployment, get a labor lawyer. This is an abuse of authority, intimidation of a subordinate and a slew of other HR violations. > >I used to work in HR and heads would explode if they got wind of OP's boss demanding transportation and essentially financial gain by intimidation. Just the fact that the boss changed OP's schedule to be convenient for himself, while forcing OP into a split shift is enough to report him. &#x200B; [**\[UPDATE\] Gave a ride home to my Boss. HUGE Mistake!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/qz01d5/update_gave_a_ride_home_to_my_boss_huge_mistake/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 9 hours later Thanks for all the support, everyone. It was much easier to see a way out of this nightmare once I started hearing everyone's thoughts. So over the last 30 minutes I decided to use my lunch to take everyone's advice and take the matter to my managers boss. I told him everything that has been happening and he said " He would look into it" He told me I could take the day off with pay and that I wont need to drive my manager in again. I am still going to start looking for another job because so many people recommended that I should. Should I trust that my managers boss will properly handle this, or should I also contact my HR department?   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Gave a ride home to my Boss. HUGE Mistake!

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14te02q/gave_a_ride_home_to_my_boss_huge_mistake/

14tertt

**I am NOT OP. Original post by AskaManager** trigger warnings: >! workplace conflict!< mood spoilers: >!frustration, stress, confusion, disappointment!< &#x200B; &#x200B; *Per her request, Allison's advice has been removed.* [**My boss gave me a choice of offices, but is punishing me for the one I chose**](https://www.askamanager.org/2013/08/my-boss-gave-me-a-choice-of-offices-but-is-punishing-me-for-the-one-i-chose.html) \- Aug 5, 2013 I have recently interviewed for and received a new promotion. It is an auditing position in the compliance department in a bank. (A little background on the compliance department in a bank for those who don’t know: we are responsible for testing the bank’s practices and procedures to make sure we/they are complying with all the laws and regulations set down by the government.) This promotion has come with a private office and, as the building is currently undergoing some remodeling I was told I could choose from the 2 offices available. &#x200B; The first office is of fairly good size, and right next to my new manager’s office. It was, however, originally a supply closet and it does not have any windows or air movement at all. The second is slightly smaller, on the other side of the building and contains a window that I would be able to open to let a breeze in every now and then (which is very important to me). &#x200B; Naturally, I chose the second option solely because of the window and have since moved in. This seems to have upset my manager and she has begun passive aggressively making comments about the other office “not being good enough for me”. She is now expecting me to come see her to ‘check in’ when I come in every day and before I leave each night. As far as I know, this has never been required for the position in the past and is perceived as new and kind of ridiculous by other people that work with me. &#x200B; Based on my job description, we are supposed to be in the same department but not directly involved in the specific work we each are doing. This allows us to test each other without being biased. It’s hard to know exactly what her role as my manager is supposed to be, because while she can approve or disapprove leave requests, she isn’t supposed to be involved in any of my work. It seems like a flawed system from the get go. But, because she’s my boss, I walk from one side of the building to another, just to let her know I am going home. She doesn’t even look up to say goodbye and barely acknowledges me, despite requesting me to do this every day. &#x200B; She is condescending, takes forever to get back to me about questions I have, and it has gotten back to me from others that she’s been telling people she isn’t sure if I should be working in compliance at all. &#x200B; Considering all of the hassle I seem to be getting since choosing the office farther away from her (previous to this, she seemed very amenable and conscientious to me for the year I worked at the bank before moving to her department), should I just suck it up and move to the window-less office next to hers (where she obviously would prefer me to be)? Why was I given a choice if I didn’t really have one at all? And, how do I tell the office manager that I decided I want the other office instead? Won’t that make me look flaky to all of the other “important” people (i.e. the C.E.O, President, etc) I work around? &#x200B; &#x200B; [**Update: my boss gave me a choice of offices but is punishing me for the one I chose**](https://www.askamanager.org/2013/12/update-my-boss-gave-me-a-choice-of-offices-but-is-punishing-me-for-the-one-i-chose.html) \- Dec 29, 2013 I’m afraid this update isn’t an extremely happy one. Not too long after I got some responses from my original question, I went to my manager and asked if there was anything else I could do and if she would rather I moved to the office directly next to her (the “used to be a closet” office). I was told that everything was fine and not to worry about it. As it turns out, I should have been worried. &#x200B; In October, I had to report for a week long jury duty summons. Prior to going on jury duty, I asked if I needed to do anything and was told that in the past people wrote letters to try to be exempted and I could do that if I wanted to. I decided that, as a young woman with no family or obligations that would prevent me from going, I would not be exempt anyway and just went to Jury Duty thinking everything was fine. I ended up taking 3 days. Every day I got an email from my manager insisting that I update her on the status of the day. (did I get called for a jury, when will I be coming back). &#x200B; When I returned to the office on Thursday, I was told that I had to move my office ‘by the end of the day’ and that no one had time to help me and I would just have to figure out how to get my desk in there. I was also called into a disciplinary meeting shortly thereafter that called my work ethic into question due to the Jury Duty. I was told that they value people who prioritize their responsibilities. &#x200B; When I asked what responsibility I had not met (I made sure everyone knew where I would be and delegated any time-sensitive work to co-workers) and apparently when they told me that when I was told that “in the past people have written letters to try to be exempt…etc.” that was meant to be an order. Then they took away 3 of my vacation days to “pay” for the 3 days of jury duty. I apologized for the misunderstanding and assured them that I meant no disrespect and was not trying to shirk any responsibilities. &#x200B; After that, I immediately consulted my employee handbook and outlined the policy on Jury Duty. (It is one sentence “The Bank will pay your normal wages for the period of service.”) I took it right back to them and asked why my vacation days are being taken away and is this meant to be a punishment for a misunderstanding, showing them the highlighted portion of the policy. They immediately back pedaled and gave me my vacation days back. &#x200B; And in the meeting I also mentioned that, after doing some research, I noticed that in Pennsylvania it is actually illegal to require your employees to attempt to ‘get out of’ jury duty before allowing them to go. And she said to me, “Well, that’s why we don’t write it down but we still need you to try to do that in the future.” I was also told that I need to learn to ‘read between the lines’ and ask myself ‘what do they REALLY want from me in this situation’. &#x200B; After that debacle, everything kind of slowed down and it seems to be going ok. My manager still has her moments, but she hasn’t been as unreasonable as she was before. It’s possible that she’s being nicer because she got her way and thinks I have been defeated. I am still debating whether I want to give this place another year, just so I can put the experience on my resume or if I want to start looking in January after I take my year-end vacation. &#x200B; I wish I could give you a better update, but I guess it is what it is! &#x200B;   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My boss gave me a choice of offices but is punishing me for the one I chose.

EXTERNAL

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14tertt/my_boss_gave_me_a_choice_of_offices_but_is/

14tt4ff

**I am not the Original Poster. OP deleted her account, but not her stories, which were originally on** r/AmItheAsshole **and** r/AITAH &#x200B; [**AITA for leaving my surprise wedding because I felt blindsided?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14d57d9/aita_for_leaving_my_surprise_wedding_because_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (19 June 2023) Last week, I (30F) was invited to a supposedly fancy party by my longtime boyfriend, Mark (32M). We had been dating for five years, and while we had discussed marriage before, there were no immediate plans for a wedding. Excited about the event, I dressed up in my best attire and arrived at the designated venue. As I entered the grand hall, I was completely taken aback to see all of our family, friends, and acquaintances gathered, eagerly waiting. It turns out, Mark had orchestrated an elaborate surprise wedding for us without my knowledge. Everyone erupted into applause as I stood there, shocked and overwhelmed. I just felt a mix of emotions. While I love Mark and had dreamed of our future together, the idea of getting married without any prior discussion or consent felt like a breach of trust. So, I pulled Mark aside and tried to express my concerns and reservations about the surprise wedding. I explained that I wanted a say in the planning process, to be part of the decision-making, and to have the chance to prepare mentally and emotionally for such a significant milestone in our lives. However, Mark dismissed my concerns, saying that he thought it would be a romantic gesture and that I would be thrilled.In that moment, I faced a difficult choice go along with the surprise wedding, putting on a smile despite feeling unsettled, or stand up for my autonomy and voice my true feelings. I ultimately made the decision not to proceed with the surprise wedding, much to the disappointment and confusion of our guests. Now, I find myself at odds with Mark, our families, and even some of our friends who believe I overreacted and spoiled a beautiful moment. However, I firmly believe that a marriage should be a joint decision, with open communication and shared expectations. Everyone's excuse for this is I have always talked about marrying Mark. And again the problem isn't marrying him, the problem is not having any say in my wedding. Mark thought I'd appreciate it, because I always spoke about how stressful planning a wedding must be. Yes, I think its stressful, it is but I'd still like planning one! After this whole ordeal everyone asked if Mark and I were ending things, in which I replied no. I emphasized towards them and Mark I still wanted to marry him, and most feel like this is making me more of an asshole since I just wasted a perfectly fine wedding. So AITA for refusing to attend my own surprise wedding, even though it was intended as a romantic gesture? Edit: I previously omitted this from my post because of the subreddit's word count guidelines. I love surprises it's a thing everyone has known me to love. Mark knowing that, the fact I wanted to marry him, and said wedding planning was stressful thought a surprise wedding would be perfect. A surprise engagement is bland, because it will always be a surprise but not a wedding lol. He threw this "wedding" for the surprise, but explained how in a couple days we could do a courthouse wedding to make it legal, this was his only way to surprise me. I love spontaneity, but legal marriage or not, I wanted a say in my wedding. To choose the perfect date, to choose my bridesmaids, to pick out my cake. Again due to these thoughts everyone thinks I'm the asshole, because I could have went along with the party, and do a redo legal wedding. But again I felt blindsided and confused so I left. ***Verdict:*** *NTA* &#x200B; [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14d57d9/comment/joo7yrz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) that sums up many people's feelings: NTA. I admire you OP - for saying no and not just going along with it. You did the right thing. Putting someone in a position that makes them feel guilty or embarrassed to say no is not a romantic thing to do at all. It's emotionally manipulative. If he is apologetic and wants to plan a wedding together, then you have yourself a great guy. If he gets all weird and/or angry about it, you dodged a bullet. One way or the other, things will work out the way they are supposed to. [**UPDATE: AITA for leaving my surprise wedding because I felt blindsided?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14nl2ti/update_aita_for_leaving_my_surprise_wedding/) (1 July 2023) I want to start off by thanking everyone for the responses I got and the advice. However, I would like to reiterate that Mark is a great person who did a stupid thing. If you knew me though, a surprise wedding seems like something I would love, unfortunately I didn't. After talking to Mark we both got to the conclusion that we didn't do anything wrong. Both of us are valid in our opinions and the situation was an odd one. Unfortunately, Mark spent a lot of money on planning this wedding, as well as family members. He doesn't think that we have the funds to plan another wedding until a couple years. I will be honest that choice is really messing with me. I'd like to be married sometime soon, and start out life as a family. I know weddings don't have to be extravagant. We could always throw a small party, and once we have enough money do a second on, but I don't know if that's what I want. I honestly feel selfish and regret not using the surprise wedding-- I feel like I wasted a bunch of money. I used to stand by my choice confidently, but now I'm not sure I made the right choice and all this stress is wearing me down. Anyway I'm staying with Mark, probably will get married soon, and have my dream wedding in the near future hopefully. Again, thanks to all the responses, and I hope people from AITA also see this post. &#x200B; [Top Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14nl2ti/comment/jq8erud/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): Personally, the fact that he blew all the wedding money on a surprise without any consultation or care at all to what you actually wanted, then blew you off when you tried to express your very genuine concern, is still raising red flags for me. Not gonna say it has to be a dealbreaker, I don't know him, but the general lack of concern or care towards your wants and needs and a willingness to spend large amounts of savings on something for you that you absolutely did not want at all, then trying to pressure you into it because he backed you into a corner, is to me still very much cause for concern. But I recognize that I have only seen a tiny piece of this puzzle and I wish you the best. **Reminder:** **I am not the Original Poster. Flared as "concluded" as OOP has decided how she's going to handle this and appears to be trying to move on.**

AITA for leaving my surprise wedding because I felt blindsided?

CONCLUDED

Celany

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14tt4ff/aita_for_leaving_my_surprise_wedding_because_i/

14u548q

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/JustAnotherStonerYo in /r/opiates** trigger warnings: >!drugs, mental health!< --- &nbsp; [**Fuck. Now I see the hype**](https://www.reddit.com/r/opiates/comments/6zckje/fuck_now_i_see_the_hype/) - September 10, 2017 Just took 10mg Percocet on a DXM after glow with weed. This is likely some of th best euphoria I've ever gotten. And 10mg for $5. Fuuck Ima have to try to control myself. I'm just gonna binge for a week then be done. Get it out of my system. How's everyone else? You guys are ware alll wonderful peoeple. Found bong drips doe. Going to nod land. Peaces /u/ak47revolver9 >That's what I say every week lol OOP: >Okay maybe nkt a week but I just need to feel this way one more time at least /u/linzness >Is this a joke? You could not be more cliche. "Just" stop now while you still can. &nbsp; [**Update: 3 years ago I told y’all I wouldn’t be a junkie, I set to prove you wrong , well here’s the results.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/opiates/comments/pf177l/update_3_years_ago_i_told_yall_i_wouldnt_be_a/) - August 31, 2021 I told you guys I would update in a year that I could prove I could binge on oxys for a week and leave it at that. To anybody just getting into opiates I suggest you read my original post. Literally 100 people telling me this would happen and it did . I didn’t listen, I’ve overdosed 6 times and am still struggling with heroin and fent addiction, Just came here to say, you told me so…you tried to warn me, to anyone just getting into opiates …you’re fucked, nobody’s special, I’m not expecting this to save anybody bc your addiction is almost 100% inevitable with this class of drugs. But read my post and the ones in between if you want. Please know you’re not different. Look how I laughed at people when they told me I would become an addict Jokes on me. I love you all, you guys did your best to talk some sense into me and I wasn’t tryna hear it, I dug my grave, time to lay in it .. &nbsp; [**Wow, just did something I never done before . I thought I beat addiction but after y’all read below it will be more than evident I haven’t (:**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stims/comments/uive8w/wow_just_did_something_i_never_done_before_i/) - May 5, 2022 Yesterday morning I threw the rest of my dope away. I had a little bit left I was gonna save but I decided “nope, I’ve been doing it once a month I’m gonna stick to that!” Haha! A swell joke my life manifested for you ladies and gentlemen because guess what … I did throw it away , I did forget about it, and I was so proud for doing it during one of the worst days of my life .. But something happened ..(roughly 24 hours after the fact I threw it away) And I say there for a good minute wondering if the garbage truck had come yet..I didn’t hear one:.and you always hear it. Every specific day of that week when it comes Bc it’s so fucking loud. Also.. I’ve been up for days so I’m especially more sensitive to light and Noise than I’d usually be…after spending hours deciding if I should just leave it be (knowing the dumpster had to be slam fuxking full with my shit in a little baggie beneath the thousands items of items on top Of it) or if shit is just so bad that I need it .. I don’t have to tell you which decision I made, read the title again . Spent 30 fucking minutes using energy I didn’t have to pull hundreds of pounds of some of the nastiest shit I’ve touched to find this. I mean halfway in I was like “nah I’ve spent this much time and energy , I’m not leaving without it. And I was serious ..so serious that I’m ripping a new piece of foil and pushing these problems off for just a little longer. Yes I will regret it, I think I already do, but you’re a sympathizing addict, you’ll know it’s not about how you’ll feel later About how much I’m about to savor and enjoy the moments I’m about to temporarily experience . Being an addict for as many years as I have now , I know I just made a big mistake..but guess what friend .. We Gon cross that mf bridge when we get there amifuckingrite? >:) <3 &nbsp; [**Just got out of jail, let’s try this again**](https://www.reddit.com/r/opiates/comments/vtsngz/just_got_out_of_jail_lets_try_this_again/) - July 7th, 2022 This is rly just a rant, read if you wish tho On May 17th, 2022, I’m like a year deep in addiction to fent, H, subutex, alcohol and phych meds (daily, ive been addicted since 2014, but I’m just referencing consecutive days since my last break)I just graduated to shooting opiates, and my aunt who was staying with me at the time was aware of this. On the above mentioned day she knocks on my locked door to make sure I’m okay Since I didn’t answer , she assumed I was dead/overdosed (rightfully so), so she called the fuzz right. They show up and break down my door, they find one overdosed stoneryo and an 8 ball of fent. Thanks to the Good Samaritan act they couldn’t charge with me with the dope but they did violate my probation once they sent it to the lab and it tested positive for Acetyl-Fentanyl. I go to the jail.. It was the wake up call I needed, I’ve been to jail several times and this was the bid of all bids. Not only did I have to WD off all the mentioned, I had covid simultaneously and damn near died. And you know what, im glad I just had the worst 2 months of my life Bc I’ve never been more confident in my ability to quit as I am today. I even stayed clean in jail, and I was released last night on modified probation. I threw away the point I had stashed this morning . First time ever throwing away an opiate. I would usually dread being on the ankle monitor im now on, but honestly, some house arrest will probably do me good in my new endeavor in sobriety. Im clean today, and i may even be the happiest I’ve ever been, the prosecutors spared me a prison sentence and im just feeling absolutely blessed at my 5th chance to finish probation (yea yea I have 5 violations big whoop want to fight about it ) Idk I just felt like talking, thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. 50 days sober today boiiii &nbsp; *the next year has a ton of ups and downs for OOP, working through life, therapy, getting sober, etc* OOP comments in /r/bipolar: >I never thought I was bipolar because I always thought bipolar people are like people that get angry out of nowhere and break shit and then breakdown (this can absolutely happen in an episode), but I thought it was exclusively that. I used to call people bipolar thinking just like whoever said that. So when my psychiatrist and therapist told me I was textbook bipolar I didn’t believe it. >After further research however, it’s true, I show every sign of Type 1. I didn’t know these extreme highs and lows were symptoms, and I definitely didn’t think I could be manic, I thought I was just “enlightened” lmao, I was so delusional. >With therapy and medication, I feel the best I’ve ever felt, my mood is stable, I have lasting relationships, and I have more control over my emotions which I never thought possible. &nbsp; [**OOP comments in /r/opiates, June 17, 2023:**](https://www.reddit.com/r/opiates/comments/14b4j0y/youve_heard_imagine_throwing_your_life_away_over/johyaix/) >4 months clean today, longest time in 9 years, IV fent and meth addict here, you guys can do it too! 💜 **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP bets Reddit they can use opiates for a week and not get addicted + 5 years of updates.

ONGOING

GRADIUSIC_CYBER

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14u548q/oop_bets_reddit_they_can_use_opiates_for_a_week/

14u7jzb

**I am not OOP. OP is** u/throwRAweddingdress **on** r/AITAH ​ Trigger warning: >!mentions of cheating!< Mood spoiler: >!happy!< \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- &#x200B; [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14n258a/wibtah_if_i_ask_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_change_her_wedding/) \- 30 June 2023 The dress itself is very beautiful but there is a backstory. My fiancé (30F) was engaged 5 years ago and was about to get married to her soon to be husband at that time. But that guy eloped with one of the bridesmaid. The wedding was cancelled. She didn't get to walk down the aisle. 2 years after that she met me (31M) and we started dating. Now, I love her a lot. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I understand what she went through because I was cheated on as well. We are planning a wedding. I know we are not supposed to see the wedding dress and what not so I didn't ask which dress she will be wearing. I got to know from one of the bridesmaid that she will be wearing the same wedding dress she bought 6 years ago. I don't know if I am being unreasonable or not. But I don't think I will be comfortable seeing her in a dress that was intended for her first wedding. It feels like she is clinging onto the past wedding. I talked to her. I asked her why she wants to use an old dress and not buy a new one. She told me this is her dream wedding dress. She made this dress just for her wedding. She hired professionals to do it. It was hand stitched. She made the design way before she even met her ex. She doesn't want such a beautiful dress to go waste. I did tell her if she thinks it is inappropriate considering her first wedding did not happen. She told me she doesn't want another dress. And she doesn't see it that way. She only sees her dream wedding dress. To her, it is a perfect dress for a perfect day. And the dress is only for her and not for the groom. She also doesn't want to spend so much money on making another dress. I dropped the matter. Look, I have been engaged before, when my ex gave me back her ring, I sold it. I bought a new one to propose my now fiancé. So isn't it fair for me to ask her to buy a new dress rather than an old one that was meant for her first wedding? I haven't asked her anything. I am willing to pay more if she wants another dress. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I want her to be comfortable with her choice. But I feel like this is something we both have a say in. So aitah? &#x200B; ***Some comments:*** [Top comment1:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14n258a/comment/jq4wfp7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >So, I would agree with you if this dress was specifically for that wedding. However, as described she's dreamed about this dress way before that wedding was even there. So in her dream wedding this is THE DRESS. That just was not THE DAY. I think if you take a step back to see it from her point of view, the dress itself is sentimental for reasons beyond the first wedding. This dress wasn't made with that husband in mind, but with her and what she dreams and wants. I would agree if you proposed with the same ring from you ex fiance it would be tacky. However, say that ring was your mother's or grandmother's and had much more significant value than the person wearing it. I feel like once you realized you made a mistake on the person you were going to use such a sentimental item on, you'd stow it away and make a much better choice when you did finally use that ring. > >Edited for spelling and forgotten words. ADHD brain. Also not necessarily an AH but I feel like you could understand each other better **OOP replied:** Ok, I see your point. The dress to her is basically something she wants to hold onto like an ancestral piece. Is that right? [Top Comment2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14n258a/comment/jq4zv77/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): >Since the dress was not made for that wedding and was designed before they got engaged I think your making a big deal about it. The dress has sentimentality value for her not the relationship itself. I think you are reading way to much into it. The difference between the engagement ring and the dress. The engagement ring was bought with your ex in mind. The dress was made with your fiancé in find not her ex. **OOP replied:** Ok I should be more clear. She made the design of the dress on a paper when she was in college. The dress was made after her ex proposed to her. That's when she dug out her old designing book and gave it to seamstresses to make it. [Top Comment3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14n258a/comment/jq553hd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): >YTA. Look. She fully intended on using her vagina with that dude for the rest of her life, and you didn't expect her to replace that, did you? It's a dress that she intended to wear at her wedding. She didn't wear it at her wedding, because she didn't get married. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14nutmy/updatewibtah_if_i_ask_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_change_her/) \- 01 July 2023 Ok, I received a lot of feedback. I appreciate it. I thought it would be better to just communicate my thoughts to her rather than demanding her to change the dress. I talked to her today. I said everything I mentioned in my post about my insecurities and my analogy of the ring. At the end she told me the same thing most of your guys have said. The dress represents her. It is not about the groom. She designed that dress when she was in college and came across the dresses worn by both her grandmothers. She took inspiration from their dresses and made them into her own. And my ring and her dress is not the same. At least my ex-fiance got to wear the ring. She never got to wear the dress and she is glad because the dress would have been tainted with bad memories. She wanted that dress to be an heirloom. She wanted to be buried in that dress if she ever dies. She further told me she was going to make changes for the actual dress anyways because during her first wedding she had made some modifications. Her ex didn't want her to have anything sleeveless so she put sleeves on it. She is going to remove the sleeves and go back to the original design. She also told me in her original design she wanted a cape. She would take that cape off during the reception giving it an illusion of wearing 2 different dresses. But she scraped that idea because her ex thought it looks tacky. I told her I am willing to pay the money for the cape, she said she would be thrilled. I am glad I talked to her. I am not going to ask her to change anything about the dress. She wants to go back to the original design and I am happy with that I talked to her about this. We are rushing our wedding so everything needed to be quick. And buying a new dress would be another pain. Also a lot of you guys have been asking me to show the design. I do not have the picture of the dress. I only have pinterest links my fiancée gave me as a reference of the cape. Edit: Since people are confused, she wants to make replica of the dress in future. The replica will be used for the burial and the actual dress she is going to wear would be passed down. &#x200B; *Some comments:* [Comment1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14nutmy/comment/jq9lgb4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): >If she ever dies? Buddy have I got news for her OOP replies: This is some weird tradition that brides should be buried with their wedding dress on. I wanna go out like the way I came into this world. Completely naked lmao. [Comment2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14nutmy/comment/jq9cmn8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): >She's not having a wedding because she loves you. She's have a wedding so she can wear this "dress" and be the center of attention. You are just a prop. If this was really about the 2 of you uniting she wouldn't care what she was wearing. Starting to see why the other guy bailed. Hopefully she doesn't make the divorce all about her but, with the way she is acting, get ready. OOP replies: I don't think that. I already talked to her about it and sorted things out. I am wearing something too that symbolizes me at my wedding. It is a watch that I bought after I saved money. I wouldn't have forced her to wear something that she doesn't feel comfortable with. You are perhaps reading into it too much. And I think it is insensitive to poke fun at people who went through a tragedy and was betrayed by both her friend and lover. It is her wedding too. She deserves to be the center of attention along with her groom. Nobody wants to look like an owl on their special day. &#x200B; **OOP did give a picture reference of what the original dress looks like in** [Link 1](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/505669864416288538/sent/?invite_code=97d8d0e119ae4541b7059efe3247cfbb&sender=660973820219239742&sfo=1) and [Link 2](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/347058715048291631/sent/?invite_code=1b72aece777f45b1b70b3e176ab72f09&sender=660973820219239742&sfo=1). **These pictures comes close to how the actual design is.** *EDIT:* Seems like OOP made another post on 7 July 2023on r/JUSTNOMIL. It was removed. But from the comments I think his future MIL wants to invite his fiancee's friend that eloped with her ex. [https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14tdm51/getting\_tired\_of\_my\_mil\_micromanaging\_my\_wedding/](https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14tdm51/getting_tired_of_my_mil_micromanaging_my_wedding/) My (31M) MIL is kind of neurotic. My fiancée (30F) has been stressing a lot because of the wedding. We were discussing the guest list and she popped out of nowhere and told us to invite her friend, Jane. My fiancée doesn't not hate Jane but she has beef with her daughter, Stella. Years ago when my fiancée was about to get married to her ex, Stella eloped with him and it was a betrayal because Stella has been a close friend of hers. She was one of the bridesmaid. My girl was devastated. I understand her pain because I was once cheated on too. Now her mother wants to invite both Stella and her husband (the pos ex). My girl and her had aa fight. She told me she is thinking about uninviting her own mother because of this but is afraid she will create a bigger drama. Her mother thinks she should forgive Stella because if she didn't take her ex away from her, she, my fiancee wouldn't be getting married to me. If she invites Stella then of course her ex would come along as well. She is not in love with him but she is still cold towards Stella. My fiancee is not handling it well now. We get married in just few months. We haven't planned more than 50% of the things. I am seriously considering uninviting my MIL. ***OOP replied:*** I had conversations with my girl. She says she would cancel the wedding but will not invite 2 people who humiliated her 2 days before her big day. She did say she will talk to her mother and keep her ground. ***I am not OP.***

WIBTAH if I ask my fiancé to change her wedding dress?

CONCLUDED

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14u7jzb/wibtah_if_i_ask_my_fiancé_to_change_her_wedding/

14u8umd

*Reminder, I am not OP. This is a repost.* [Original post from June 30, 2023 - Seller asked for money to pay off their loan < 24h before closing](https://old.reddit.com/r/RealEstate/comments/14mvoak/seller_asked_for_money_to_pay_off_their_loan_24h/) (Note: lightly edited for formatting and spelling) * The seller can't afford to pay off their $8.5k loan to close - second mortgage * They told me this less than 24 hours before closing * They asked me to cover it. Suggested solutions: * realtors take a haircut of $2k each * I contribute $4k * They take $10k off the home price I'm still weighing my options with my attorney. My rate is locked in til today. I already paid a ton of money in survey, inspection, title, and taxes for my down payment. I'm beyond frustrated. This whole process has been terrible. Who does the due diligence on these people? How could something like this be missed? I feel so trapped - screwed either way. Mostly, I'm looking for commiseration, but also open to advice. [Comment regarding lowering the home price:](https://old.reddit.com/r/RealEstate/comments/14mvoak/seller_asked_for_money_to_pay_off_their_loan_24h/jq3yf6f/) **Commenter**: *Reducing the home price would put them $18.5K away from having the cash to close.* *Not sure what you can do other than walk away. Is the extra money worth it to you to get this house?* *You also have a binding contract. Isn't paying off their mortgage the seller's problem? Why should you have to suffer for it? But the bank has a lien on the house until the mortgage is paid off, so...* *Sorry, I don't have much practical experience, just wasting time early in the morning...* **OOP**: > Reducing the home price would put them $18.5K away from having the cash to close. *Yeah, this didn't make sense to me either. Glad to hear you say that!* > Isn't paying off their mortgage the seller's problem? Why should you have to suffer for it? *Agreed. So far, I've told them very kindly to fuck off. But hoping that's the right decision.* [Update from July 1, 2023](https://old.reddit.com/r/RealEstate/comments/14mvoak/seller_asked_for_money_to_pay_off_their_loan_24h/) * The previous owners took out an improvement loan that would have been forgiven, had they lived at the house longer. * Only upon title search did they realize it was a problem. * They used it to do some serious upgrades to the house, so the money is there, it's just in the house. A few of you pointed out that reducing the home price did not make sense as a solution, as it would mean the seller would need to bring more money to the table. Here's where we landed: * Realtors each took a $2k haircut. This is fine, as they did not do a lot in this transaction. * I paid the remaining $4k and rolled it into my loan. Extra $20 per month or so. This worked out because the house appraised higher than the accepted offer, so we were able to bump the offer up to the appraised value. I'm still a bit annoyed, but at the end of the day, I got the house I wanted. Closing was crazy! Pushing everything to the very last minute fried my nerves a bit. I'm spending today buying things at home depot and cutting MY OWN LAWN. Wow. *Reminder, I am not OP. This is a repost.*

OOP is asked to pay off a home seller's loan less than 24 hours before closing.

CONCLUDED

justathoughtfromme

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14u8umd/oop_is_asked_to_pay_off_a_home_sellers_loan_less/

14u914r

**I am NOT OP. Original post in** r/TwoHotTakes **by** u/throwRAdirtygf trigger warnings: >!hygiene issues!< mood spoilers: >!concern!<   [**AITA for telling my gf the reason she’s always sick of because of her poor hygiene?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14hbizm/aita_for_telling_my_gf_the_reason_shes_always/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Fri, Jun 23, 2023 I don’t think I’m in the wrong here but maybe I’m being unreasonable, I don’t know. I 24F have been with my gf 22F for about 2 years now. She’s wonderful and I love her a lot. On our very first date, something I noticed was that she didn’t seem very concerned with cleanliness. Something to note is that masks were still mandatory where we live and so covid concerns were still very much a thing. We ended our date by grabbing a snack that she wanted us to bring back to her place. We got there and she immediately started taking everything out without washing her hands. Maybe I’m just a clean freak, but this surprised me a little. I brushed it off until she excitedly tried to get me to try some charcuterie jelly she had. She did this by dipping her finger directly into the jar and holding it out for me to try. At this point I felt pretty icky about it and jokingly said something like “and get a taste of all that stuff we were touching earlier?” (We were out and about, public transit, etc). She seemed a little embarrassed but agreed that was a little gross, but still didn’t wash her hands. This was the first day we knew each other. To this day, I have not witnessed her wash her hands with anything more than water. And even that takes me asking multiple times. She will go about her whole day, use the washroom, etc. without washing her hands. She loves finding “treasures” when we’re walking around, like abandoned toys, household stuff, clothes, etc even if they are visibly very dirty. She touches everything and anything, doesn’t wash her hands. She also showers maybe twice a week, doesn’t use soap there either. The ONLY time she washes her hair or uses soap to clean her body is when I literally do it for her, which she says she enjoys. This wouldn’t bother me so much if it weren’t for a few things: she likes to cook for me, she loves to dip her fingers into jars and drink straight from bottles instead of using silverware and cups, she touches my face a lot, and to be honest, she stinks. And onto my main point, she is ALWAYS sick. She tends to be very sensitive and gets very upset if she thinks that I’m implying that she’s gross in any way, so I try to be as gentle as possible when encouraging her to wash herself. Eventually, I guess I got fed up when she was complaining about being sick again, and said that maybe the reason she keeps getting colds, covid, etc. is because her hygiene isn’t very good. She got really quiet, cried a bit, and now she thinks that I think she is disgusting and cries whenever I bring up washing hands or anything like that. She used to just laugh and brush it off but now she seems to be really upset by it. I don’t know what else to do, and I feel like a jerk. But I don’t think I did anything wrong either. EDIT: I’m getting a lot of the same questions in the comments and I responded to some but I’ll add it here. “What about when we’re intimate?” I’m a top, we pretty much only use toys and a strap, and I don’t like receiving (ever, not just from her). So yeah, I’m not concerned about getting UTIs from that. I only go down on her after she’s had a thorough shower (done by me) “Have you ever asked why she doesn’t want to wash/why she doesn’t like soap?” Yeah, and she usually brushes it off with humor, or starts crying. The little information I’ve been able to gather is that her parents were kind of neglectful by not really teaching her about this stuff. She also used to be bullied for being the “smelly kid” at school, and past partners have called her gross. She claims to not like the soap I have, even though I have several different types (bar, liquid, Castile, unscented baby soap). She also claims to be a “dirty hippie” or a “raccoon girl” and I think she just considers this like a quirky personality trait. “You’re gross too for being with her” yeah well, I FEEL gross when she touches me, shares a bed with me, touches my things, cooks for me. I always change my sheets after she leaves, clean everything, I can usually get away with not eating what she cooks as I’m vegetarian and she usually cooks with meat. The odd time she cooks something vegetarian I’ll insist on doing the veggie cleaning and chopping and dump it in the pan or whatever for her, so minimal touching on her part. I know a lot of people don’t wash their hands often, but I’ve always washed mine frequently, and I sanitize my phone every day. I don’t like feeling this way, but the way she reacts makes me feel like I’m overreacting. “If I knew she was like this on the first date, why did I keep dating her? Why are you monitoring her bathroom and hygiene habits so closely? You’re a creep!” It’s one of those things that sort of builds up over time and you don’t really see how bad it is until you’re deep into it. I was in a long-term abusive relationship prior to this, and I’m NOT trying to compare this to abuse, but it’s the same idea of a “little” problem snowballing until one day you’re like damn, this is bad. I knew her hygiene wasn’t 100% right away, but I didn’t know it was literally nonexistent until we started spending prolonged periods of time at each other's places and using the bathroom with each other in the room vs alone with the door closed, then I’d see her in the shower just standing there under the water not lathering up, using the toilet then just rinsing her hands with water, etc. She complains that she doesn’t like the soap I have, but I tell her that I have multiple types of soap so surely, she must be okay with one of them. But no, she just hates using soap, period.   [**UPDATE: AITA for telling my gf the reason she's always sick of because of her poor hygiene?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14mncz6/update_aita_for_telling_my_gf_the_reason_shes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Fri, Jun 30, 2023 Thank you for all the comments you guys left on my post, it gave me a lot to think about. It was the slap in the face I needed, I guess. Most of you were really nice about it but the consensus seemed to be that she needs therapy and I’m gross if I stay with her. And yeah, I feel really gross, and I don’t want to feel that way. It’s interesting that a lot of you suggested she may be autistic or adhd, because she isn’t either of those as far as she knows, but I am both autistic and have adhd lol. I have been in therapy for some time, she has been to therapy on and off since she was a kid. Weird stuff with her parents mostly, they weren’t very good to her. Anyway, I gave it a lot of thought and I’ve realized that my boundaries basically become non existent in a relationship. I keep letting things slide that I really don’t want to. I’m allowing myself to be uncomfortable for her sake, and I’ve done this in the past, but I don’t want to do it anymore. So yeah, I decided I’d be very direct with her and we either get on the same page or I’m done. So I very plainly asked her, why doesn’t she want to wash herself? She cried, sobbed about how gross I think she is, but I asked again. And eventually, she told me that she just likes when I do it for her. She wants to feel pampered and cared for. And it is DEFINITELY a kinky thing, she wants to be a dirty pet that I can clean up. And she thought that I was into it. That’s it, no other reason. I never said that I was into it, but I guess I led her to believe otherwise by agreeing to wash her hair and body for her from time to time. Honestly? I can’t believe that I put up with this for so long. She is a really great girl otherwise but yeah, this is a dealbreaker for me. I told her this, and that I didn’t want to have to wash her, and she just absolutely broke down. Seems to be a dealbreaker for her too, she wants someone who will treat her like a pampered pet. So we are done. Anyway, thanks again guys. I can’t believe this is how it ended up, but I guess I’m happier for it. I will NEVER ignore bad hygiene again.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling my gf the reason she’s always sick of because of her poor hygiene?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14u914r/aita_for_telling_my_gf_the_reason_shes_always/

14u9dcn

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Special_Food_2936 **Daughter avoids me at all costs after an embarrassing encounter, how can I gain her back?** **Originally posted to** r/AskParents [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/13xaszp/daughter_avoids_me_at_all_costs_after_an/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 1, 2023** I'm a 38 year old single dad and I'm the primary care giver for my daughter who is 15 years old. Her mother is out of the picture for a long time, I have been single handedly taking care of my daughter since she was 3 years old. Last weekend, I caught her in a very inconvenient, very embarrassing moment. I arrived home early without informing her. She was in the living room, right across the TV, on my couch, butt naked, watching porn. I screamed with horror first, she followed. I ran out of the living room apologizing, she ran to her room and locked the door. Since that day I haven't seen my daughter. Now, I'm not a strict dad. For the context we live in a conservative Muslim country but Islam doesn't play a role in my family's or in many of her acquaintances lifes. I'm open as much as I can be regarding sex, puberty, mental health etc., but of course no one is immune from the society they live in. Taboo of sex, sexuality and sexual desires still looms in people's minds even if you don't belive such taboos. She doesn't talk to me. She deliberately avoids me. I try to communicate through her door, at best I get "I'm fine leave me alone" as an answer. She changed her schedule so we don't bump into each other. Doesn't answer my calls, I might get one or two word text message if I'm lucky. I don't know how to deal with this situation. I don't care what she does in her private time, I just miss my daughter. I want to spend time together again. She can be very stubborn and I know that if I don't interviene somehow, this hide and seek game will last much longer. I'm open to all advices. Thank you for your interest **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Organic-Routine-1377 >Step one, over dinner or whenever she can't easily avoid the conversation, tell her you feel she is old enough to have a television in her bedroom, and a lock for her bedroom door for privacy. >Step two, say you know she is a teenager and free to ask any questions or NOT ask questions and figure things out on her own. But you hope she asks because you want to make her life easier OOP replied >Funny thing is TV is rarely used in the house. I offered her putting the TV in her room long ago but she didn't want it because it was just too big. If we need to watch something we watch it on our laptops. I might get her a smaller TV, though. * vulcanfeminist >When I was a teenager a similar thing happened, my dad came home early unexpectedly and found me and my boyfriend naked and having sex in the middle of the living room. It was horrible for both of us but honestly what was most horrible for me was actually that my dad never mentioned it and wouldn't look at me or be in the same room as me for weeks afterwards - he avoided me like she's avoiding you. Obviously you're at least trying which is fantastic. I think what I would want in your daughter's position, or at least what I might have wanted from my own father way back when is an open line of communication and reassurance. A text seems best since she's clearly avoiding you. Maybe something like >hey i know that was awful for you and I'm sure you're feeling a lot of feelings about it. I want you to know that I'm here if you want to talk, this doesn't change anything between us, I still love and support you just like before, and that's a completely normal thing, you have nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about, it's really OK. >And then just follow her lead, if she doesn't respond back go ahead and let it go, this too shall pass. I'd also maybe recommend inviting her out to something you can do together that would feel normal, a movie, dinner, whatever kinds of things you two normally do together. Something where you can have a positive social interaction to help show her that the relationship really is unchanged and you can both move forward from this. OOP replied >Thank you for the perspective. I imagine getting caught with someone is much worse than caught while being alone. To be honest I skimped some details that makes the situation much more embarrassing like she couldn't even had time to turn off the TV, so I had to do it myself. >If she doesn't talk to me tonight I will text her or write a letter, as your suggestion. She has a tendency to punish herself if things doesn't work out like she imagined and I don't want her to feel guilty for such stupid thing. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/1427i6u/update_daughter_avoids_me_at_all_costs_after_an/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 6, 2023** I was hesitant to make an update but I thought there might be other parents, especially single parents, who might experience a similar situation. As I expected situation never improved. Hide and seek continued. I wrote a letter to my daughter, as suggested in the initial post. I basically wrote she did nothing wrong, she shouldn't be ashamed of me and how much I missed her. I was planning to put the letter on her doorway or slide under it when she wasn't at home. Then I changed my plan. Two days ago, night time, I knocked her door again and demanded to speak to her. Obviously she tried to make me go away but I was determined this time. I forced her to unlock her door and demanded an explanation why she is still avoiding me. She immediately burst into tears and I felt awful inside. Never in my life I was this assertive to my child. I hugged her and said it's OK, I'm not angry, you did nothing wrong. At this point my shirt was wet with her tears and mucus. I told her we can talk about it when she feels better in the morning or never mention it again for the rest of our lives if she is willing to go back to our normal father-daughter relationship. Next morning the subject never came up but she let me braid her hair so we are good now. I'm getting her a smaller TV, sending my couch to deep cleaning and no more unannounced house arrivals. I will probably make fun of her 10 years later or something as a payment for my suffering. Thank you for your attention and advices. Hope you found my misery useful. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Daughter avoids me at all costs after an embarrassing encounter, how can I gain her back?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14u9dcn/daughter_avoids_me_at_all_costs_after_an/

14uczdi

**I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted in -** [**r/AmItheAsshole**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) **by** [**u/External\_Ad\_7876**](https://www.reddit.com/u/External_Ad_7876/)**.** &#x200B; [**AITA For Wanting More Help With My Child After My Surgery**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14fh8qp/aita_for_wanting_more_help_with_my_child_after_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (21 June 2023) I (24F) had a baby about 8 weeks ago. It was a difficult pregnancy and I had to be induced at 37 weeks due to medical complications. I had to get stitches and the recovery was really rough. 4 days ago I was feeling really awful so I asked my husband (26M) to take me to the hospital. Turns out I had gallstones and needed to get my gallbladder removed, which happened 2 days ago. Yesterday I was discharged from the hospital, and while the doctor did say I should walk around I don't think I should be 100% back to doing everything I was before the surgery. I asked my husband for just a little extra help with our child. I said I don't mind holding her in my lap for feedings, but diaper changes and anything involving carrying the baby from room to room I'm uncomfortable with, at least the first day or 2 being back home. He got upset because the doctor said I should be fine. We got into a big argument after I explained that this is my 2nd major medical procedure int he last 2 months and I didn't say I wasn't doing anything, I just needed a little extra help. This morning, my MIL, who I usually get along great with, stopped me on my way to the bathroom to tell me I shouldn't be asking for extra help. That I have a child now and it doesn't mater what healing I'm doing because the baby comes first. Again, I said I wasn't asking for anyone to take over for the baby completely, I was just uncomfortable carrying the baby from room to room since she is pretty big now and kicks right where the incisions are. I thought it was reasonable since I literally just came home from the hospital the evening before. I thought my points were valid but now that 2 people in my family have said the same thing I'm not sure if I'm TA or not. I'm just in a lot of pain and I need a little more rest than usual, not to mention my painkillers have been putting me to sleep for hours. AITA? Edit: Trying to add this answer in my update, but it isn't posting for whatever reason so I'll leave it here. Both my husband and MIL previously had been super helpful with the baby. My husband has never seen helping out as babysitting or only my job and my MIL has also helped a lot by watching my child so I can take naps or run errands. I'm not sure why they blew up when I asked for just a bit of extra help. Wanted to clarify they had been very helpful up until this point. As far as the living situation is, we are temporarily staying with my MIL. She had broken her back and our lease for our apartment was up so we decided to move in to help her heal and also use that time to save money for a down payment on a house. unfortunately this was right before the housing in our area blew up in prices so it's been hard to find anything. What was only supposed to last about 6-12 months will be 2 years in November. A big part of both of their arguments was that my MIL had her gallbladder removed a few years ago and she went right back to normal as soon as she left the hospital since she's the main caretaker for her mother. She's also broken her back twice while taking care of her parents and still went right back to it as soon as she left the hospital. Then she compared me recovering to a story of her killing a tarantula outside before her kids came home from school. Yes, it could bite her and maybe even kill her but her kids are worth it, and that's how I needed to see recovering from surgery as... ***Verdict:*** Not The Asshole &#x200B; **Relevant Comments:** * [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14fh8qp/comment/jp061le/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): *NTA The unwillingness from both your DH and MIL to recognize you need to recover from a surgery you had two days ago is staggering. Your MIL seems to subscribe to that old fashioned thinking that "parenting is a woman's job, men just help babysit". She disregarded your discomfort and, indirectly, suggested you're a bad parent for needing to heal from a literal organ removal. The thing is, your MIL stopping you on your way to the bathroom, in the morning, at your own home, clearly shows your husband ran to her and told her you were being unreasonable. Then she chose to scold you instead of helping. This requires a long talk regarding boundaries. Is there anyone from your side of the family willing to give you a hand for a couple of days? Or will DH and MIL finally decide to help you after you pop a stitch or two?* * [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14fh8qp/comment/jp09k11/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): *NTA. Honestly having my gallbladder removed was the most painful recovery of my life and I've had a hysterectomy, breast reduction, eye surgery, etc. It took me a week just to walk around normally. I cannot imagine carrying a baby around, too! You need to find an advocate before you end up with postpartum depression. Your doctor is apparently a misogynist.* &#x200B; [Update: AITA For Wanting More Help With My Child After My Surgery](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14nctg5/update_aita_for_wanting_more_help_with_my_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (30 June 2023) First off I wanted to thank everyone for their input. I was feeling kind of bad for being upset over this but this made me feel like me feelings were justified. I do want to clear a couple things up. First off, I totally get why some people thought in this instance my husband was seeing helping with his child as "babysitting". Usually he's all for putting in 50/50 with our child. He stays up late, fixes bottles, changes diapers, etc. He's usually a very doting and loving father, which is why his comment threw me off so much. And my MIL has also helped a lot by watching my child so I can take naps or run errands, again which is why I was so thrown off by her comment. A lot of people asked about our living situation. We are temporarily staying with my MIL while saving for a down payment on a home. She stays at home and has offered to take care of the baby when I go back to work. There wasn't really anywhere else I could stay as others suggested either. My family has also been treating the surgery as no big deal and expected that I would have no problem with the baby. And even when they offered to come help for the day they all backed out last minute so I was feeling very on my own. As far as the aftermath my husband and MIL both apologized for what they said. Everyone was exhausted from the 4 days I was in the hospital. My husband wasn't sleeping while at the hospital and my baby was apparently very fussy since it was the longest time she was away from me since giving birth to her so MIL had no sleep either and everyone was just frustrated with the entire situation. I guess they both just said the first thing that came into their heads with no sleep after I asked for help. I was honestly relieved because neither of them have ever acted like that before and it was completely out of nowhere. Everything has been good now. I am still healing but my husband and MIL have been a huge help with the baby. I go back to work in about 2 weeks and I'm trying to get as much rest as possible beforehand as well. &#x200B; **Relevant Comment:** * [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14nctg5/comment/jq764h7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): *I’m glad to hear you are being more supported now. Regardless of the explanation for their earlier response to your request for help, did they acknowledge that their expectations were completely unrealistic and, in fact, cruel to expect of anyone? Because saying things in the heat of a tired and overwrought moment is one thing, but the basis of what is said (their belief that “a mother’s love for her child” should be able to transcend physical inability and that your feelings and needs don’t matter) is really alarming. If they truly carry those beliefs and just usually hide it better, then it could mean bad things for the future. (Taking it to an extreme, if you were diabetic and having a hypoglycemic event would they tell you to suck it up and delay treating yourself of the baby was crying? Would they tell you that severe depression should be ignored until it was convenient for them to support you in getting treatment because the baby needed something?)* [**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14nctg5/comment/jq7i2uh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): **My husband acknowledged that he was in the wrong and did not realize how much actual pain I was in. My MIL didn't but we are both a bit awkward with big emotions toward each other so I know she genuinely meant it.** &#x200B; **Reminder:** **I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted in -** [**r/AmItheAsshole**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) **by** [**u/External\_Ad\_7876**](https://www.reddit.com/u/External_Ad_7876/)**. Do not comment on original posts.**

AITA For Wanting More Help With My Child After My Surgery

CONCLUDED

Celany

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14uczdi/aita_for_wanting_more_help_with_my_child_after_my/

14ufkiw

I'm not the Original Poster. That is u/TthrowRa_938629 and u/tthhrroowwrraa926839 It was posted in r/AmItheAsshole on July 1st 2023. The post was removed but it was crossposted to r/AmITheDevil. The original can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14o18qh/aita_i_dont_like_my_cousins_boyfriend_and_want_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Trigger Warning: >!controlling and manipulative behavior, general creepiness, possibly incest and maybe even rape!< Mood Spoiler: >!disturbing!< &#x200B; \*\*\*\* &#x200B; &#x200B; ***AITA? I don't like my cousin's boyfriend and want to tell someone about it. But if I did that I'd be outing him to our family.*** &#x200B; We’re both guys. He's 16 and I'm 17. We've been very close since we were children, closer than I am with my actual siblings. His parents divorced 7 years ago and he and his mother have been living with us since then. He's like a brother to me and I guess I've always been a bit protective of him. His dad was a piece of shit and after they moved in with us he'd sleep in my bed almost every night because he had a nightmare. We chose to share a room even though there was more than enough space at our house for him to have his own. He only moved into his own room less than a year ago. Last wednesday we wanted to go to the cinema together. I had rugby practice before so we met up at the cinema. When I got there he was talking on his phone and smiling. That was a little strange because he doesn't have any friends outside me and my friend group and he wouldn't call any of them. When he saw me approaching, he hung up and acted like nothing happened. During the movie he kept getting texts and I tried to see who they were from. When I asked him who it was that had been texting him he said it was only app notifications. That evening, while he was taking a shower, I went into his room to get my headphones when I saw his phone lying around. I got curious so I checked his messages. I found out that they're from a guy who goes to our school. They had been texting for over a month. They were sending each other heart emojis and all that stuff. When I found out I was angry. Mostly because my cousin and I share everything with each other but he never told me he was gay. I'm not homophobic! I've ended a relationship with a close childhood friend because he made a comment towards my cousin. I have to admit that I'm not too surprised that he's gay because he does look and act a bit more feminine but I would never have a problem with that. I love him the way he is. I hate that he kept this a secret from me. We used to share everything with each other and know he's keeping such a big thing from me. It's like he doesn't want me in his life anymore. I tried to move past it but every time I think about it I just get angry and jealous that he'd rather spend time with someone who's basically a stranger than me who's always been there for him. I know the guy he's "dating". I didn't like hik before and I like him even less now. I don't think their "relationship" will last and I don't want to see my cousin get hurt. I want to tell my aunt because I know she loves her son as much as I do and wants to protect him from getting hurt again. But if I did that I'd automatically be outing my cousin to our family and that would hurt him as well. I thought about how I could tell her without letting her know they're dating but it's too risky. I don't want him to end up hating me. I only want to protect him and keep him away from bad influences. Would I be wrong for telling our family? Maybe he wouldn't even be angry at me. Maybe he'd understand that I only want to do what's best for him. &#x200B; **Relevant Comments:** &#x200B; >*YTA. Leave it alone, just like you should have left his phone alone. You did this to yourself. You stuck your nose where it doesn’t belong. You have no right to be mad that he didn’t tell you.* > >OP’s reply: > >If he’d just been honest with me, I wouldn’t have had to find out on my own. I think he wanted me to find out though. If he hadn’t he would have taken his phone with him or deleted my face id. > >I only want what’s best for him and he should have asked me first. I could have told him not to start “dating” that guy because now he’ll just end up getting hurt if I don’t do anything about it &#x200B; >*YTA for snooping, for deciding you know best who he should be in a relationship with, for cutting him out of your life for not telling you he’s gay, and for even CONSIDERING outing him!* > >OP’s reply: > >I wouldn’t call it snooping. Like I said we’re very open with each other and he never minds if I use his phone. We have each other’s instagram and email accounts saved for convenience. I have full access to anything on his phone just as he has with mine. > >I do know best. I’m older and he can be a bit naive. I know the guy he’s “dating” and I know how it will end if I don’t intervene. I’ve seen him hurt before and don’t want him to go through anything like that again. > >I would NEVER cut him out of my life. I love him exactly the way he is. I only want what’s best for him and he knows that. I’ve always looked out for him since we were kids. I’ve long suspected that he’s gay because of the way he acts and how he takes care of his appearance. He’s literally prettier than the girls in our school and used to be bullied for that when we were younger but I always stood up for him. > >I don’t want to out him. But if I have to do so in order to keep him from getting hurt I will. I know he loves me as much as I love him and will always forgive me in the end. That doesn’t mean it would be easy. I hate to even think about him being mad at me. If I thought it would endanger him in any way I wouldn’t do it. But nobody in our family is homophobic and our country in general is pretty progressive. &#x200B; &#x200B; **OP then went on to make two more posts (both on July 1st):** &#x200B; &#x200B; ***My cousin is being manipulated by his “boyfriend”. How do I bring it up to him?*** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/14o71yn/my_cousin_is_being_manipulated_by_his_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; My cousin (16m) and I (17m) are very close. He's more of a little brother to me than my actual brothers. We've always shared everything and I've always stood up for him. I'm very protective of him since I've seen him get hurt before and don't want that to happen again. I recently found out that he's "dating" another guy. When I found out I was (and still am) hurt that he didn't tell me. I'm also worried because I know the guy he's dating and I know my cousin will end up getting hurt by him. I have reason to believe that his "boyfriend" is manipulating him and maybe pressuring him to keep their "relationship" a secret. I'm always the first person he talks to and we share everything. I think he just didn't know how to tell me which is why he did it in a more indirect way. He openly received multiple texts from his "boyfriend" in front of me but when I asked about it he gave an obviously fake excuse. After that I went into his room to get my headphones. He had left his phone out in the open and when I unlocked it, their chat was still opened. I thought about telling his mother but that could make him get mad at me and I don't want that to happen, not even for a short time. I want to protect him though so I will talk to him. I just haven't figured out how to bring it up. Should I be direct or approach it slowly? I want to protect him, not scare him off. TLDR: I have reasons to believe that my cousin is in an unhealthy and manipulative relationship and doesn’t know how to tell me. I want to bring it up to him but don’t know how. &#x200B; **Relevant Comments** &#x200B; >*What’s the deal with “relationship” “boyfriend” and “dating” being in quotes? What about this relationship makes it so not real to you? This screams homophobe to me.* > >OP’s reply: > >I put it in quotes because their relationship is not real. My cousin can be naive and will believe the best of someone even if it’s obviously wrong. I know his “boyfriend” from school. We have a few classes together and he’s an absolute dick. He doesn’t actually love my cousin. He’ll just use him until he gets bored and then he’ll dump him. My cousin is sensitive so this will hurt him a lot and the longer their “relationship” goes on the worse it will be &#x200B; >*What makes this relationship not real, compared to any other high school relationship?* > >OP’s reply: > >My cousin has never been in a relationship before and is pretty inexperienced when it comes to that. His “boyfriend” has had multiple relationships before. I know he doesn’t actually care about my cousin and is just using him until he gets bored. &#x200B; >*It sounds like you have a problem with him being gay.* > >OP’s reply: > >I couldn’t care less about that. I’ve already suspected it for some time now. I’m just trying to protect him from somebody who I know will hurt him. &#x200B; &#x200B; ***How should I approach my cousin about the concerns I have regarding his relationship?*** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/14o9xeu/how_should_i_approach_my_cousin_about_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) &#x200B; I'm going to try one last time to ask for advice because people seem to misinterpret what I'm trying to say. My cousin (16m) and I (17m) are very close. He's more of a little brother to me than my actual brothers. We've always shared everything and I've always stood up for him. I'm very protective of him since I've seen him get hurt before and don't want that to happen again. I recently found out that he's "dating" a guy who I have some classes with. We're not friends but I know him well enough to know that he doesn't actually care about my cousin. His relationships usually don't last very long. This is my cousin's first relationship so he's still pretty inexperienced and naive. I can't stand the thought of him getting hurt which is why I want to talk to him about his "boyfriend". How should I go about bringing it up? &#x200B; &#x200B; **On July 2nd, OP made another post on his profile** &#x200B; &#x200B; ***I talked to my cousin you can stop speculating now*** [Link](https://web.archive.org/web/20230702090821/https://old.reddit.com/user/TthrowRa_938629/comments/14ojnyi/i_talked_to_my_cousin_so_you_can_stop_speculating/) &#x200B; I couldn't sleep last night so I wrote down what I wanted to say to him and practiced how to bring it across. I just waited in his room so we could talk as soon as he woke up. I told him I knew about his relationship and that I was hurt he didn't think he could trust me enough to tell me. I asked if I had done something that made him think that. He assured me that I hadn't done anything and apologized for lying to me when I had asked about the messages. He told me it was because he didn't know how to tell me and he's relieved that I figured it out. I told him about the concerns I have about his relationship and what I thought about his boyfriend. He said I shouldn't worry about that because he's not being mistreated. He admitted to feeling a little overwhelmed by his boyfriend and unsure how to behave in certain situations. He asked me if I could maybe help and give him some advice now and then. In the end I told him about this lake party I'm invited to. He rolled his eyes a bit because he's not big on drinking or meeting new people. I had to promise to stay with and not leave him alone with people he doesn't know. We've made up even though none of you were any help so you can all go fuck yourselves now &#x200B; &#x200B; **It was followed by one last post before his account was suspended** &#x200B; &#x200B; ***My cousin and I still sleep in the same bed*** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14p10t1/my_cousin_and_i_still_sleep_in_the_same_bed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) &#x200B; We’ve been doing that since we were 9/10. It started because my cousin used to have nightmares and couldn’t sleep on his own. Sometimes he still can’t but it’s not as frequently anymore. We’re also very close and have no problem showing affection like cuddling or touching in general. There’s nothing inappropriate or weird about it but some people might twist it into something it’s not. To us there’s nothing strange about it but maybe it could seem weird to outsiders &#x200B; &#x200B; **On July 3rd, there was a post on** r/TrueOffMyChest **by** u/tthhrroowwrraa926839\*\*. There were similarities between the usernames and the style of writing but also concerning the ages, living situation and timeline.\*\* &#x200B; &#x200B; ***I kind of had sex with my best friend but he’s in a relationship and I’m not gay*** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14peue2/i_kind_of_had_sex_with_my_best_friend_but_hes_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; We were at a party yesterday and got pretty drunk. We only barely made it to my room and just fell asleep. At one point I woke up (but not really, just half awake/half sleeping) and something was poking into my leg. It didn’t really register what it was because I was already dozing off again. I woke up again later and his ass was pressing against my dick. I was still not fully conscious and didn’t think clearly. I just turned my hips away and that woke him up too. It’s all kind of hazy but we basically jerked each other off and fell asleep again. When I woke up fully he wasn’t in my room anymore but I could hear the shower running. I don’t know how to act around him now and I’m a little scared of his reaction. He has a boyfriend though they don’t seem to be very serious. This is such an awkward situation. I know he’s pretty but I’m not even attracted to guys Edit: Thank you for your comments, they helped me feel less weird about this whole thing. We just had a talk and it went really well. He feels guilty because of his boyfriend and is probably going to end the relationship. That’s not such a bad thing, imo, because his boyfriend is kind of an asshole and he could definitely do better &#x200B; **Relevant Comments:** &#x200B; >*You sound like you’re more worried about losing your friend. Which is valid things like that could be very awkward to talk about but ignoring them is even worse for the situation. I’d recommend giving a day or two of space and then just talk and let home know how you feel and that you hope nothing changes you’re relationship if you want to keep him around as your friend. I’d also say think about you’re sexuality but not as something that’s taboo maybe your sexually attracted to how someone makes you feel and not just the general sense of the genitalia or maybe you’re just not into that and was just drunk I could be reading into that a tad bit lol . But definitely be honest and keep us or me updated I’m interested in this now !!* > >OP’s reply: > >He still hasn't come out of his room but his mom went to check on him and said he's pretty hungover. He did drink a bit more than me and generally handles alcohol worse so he's probably just trying to sleep it off. He usually does that. > >I'll talk to him either this evening or tomorrow. We'll be going on vacation together with our families and the two of us would be sharing a room so it could get a bit awkward if we don't talk to each other. > >I've never felt attracted to him or any other guys, drunk or not. I don't know where this came from. I tjink I'm just a little confused right now &#x200B; >*Do your parents and his parents know he’s gay? Are they okey?* > >OP’s reply: > >I'm the only one who knows and we agreed not to tell anyone about what happened. He promised not to mention it even when he comes out. They aren't homophobic and wouldn't have a problem with either of us being gay but they wouldn't be okay with what we did. I made sure he knows that they can't find out about this > >*Why wouldn’t your families be okay with it if they somehow found out?* > >OP’s reply: > >Our families are very close and we grew up like brothers so they would see it as wrong but neither he nor I will tell them so it’s not a problem. It’s not really their business anyway &#x200B; >*I feel like it’s important to ask, considering you were nearly blackout drunk, were you fully consensual?* > >OP’s reply: > >It was definitely consensual. We talked about it and we were both just kind of acting on instinct and not really thinking about what we were actually doing. I also wasn’t blackout drunk, I handle alcohol pretty well &#x200B; >*Are we ignoring the whole cheating aspect here?* > >OP’s reply: > >It’s not really that bad. Their relationship wasn’t really a serious one and his boyfriend was kind of shit tbh. He broke up with him now which I think is a good thing > >*That doesn’t excuse it?* > >OP’s reply: > >It does, believe me. Their relationship was basically over anyway. My cousin’s \[now edited to say friend\] never been in a relationship before and his boyfriend was trying to take advantage of that and manipulate him into doing things he didn’t want to do. I’m like 99% sure his “boyfriend” was cheating on him too > >*Cousin??? Huh???* > >OP’s reply: > >Lol people kept writing something about cousins. Just mixed up the words > >Even if you were right, why would it matter? Nothing about what happened would change so why would you make it a big deal? &#x200B; **Edit 1:** I'm sorry, there's a comment from OOP that I forgot to add. It's from his second post: &#x200B; >He used to cry himself to sleep in my arms for almost 2 years after they moved in with us. Sometimes he still can't fall asleep on his own. I'd do anything to keep him from going through that again. If he can't see how this "relationship" is going to end, I'll have to help him &#x200B; &#x200B; **Edit 2:** OP basically confirmed his identity by replying to comments as u/tthhrroowwrraa926839 on posts that were made by u/TthrowRa_938629: &#x200B; >*bro you sound absolutely bonkers. leave your cousin alone. he didnt tell you for a reason. you are NOT his father and you do not get to treat him as if you are* > >OP’s reply: > >Why are people stalking my old posts??? Don't you have anything better to do?? We literally talked about everything and it's fine. > >Thank god I'm not treating him like his father. If I was he would have ended up in a hospital again the moment I found out. That's literally the opposite of what I want for him &#x200B; >*Homie you’re CLEARLY the same dude who was posting about his cousin first off. Second, get some fucking therapy and leave your cousin tf alone. What’s happening is at a MINIMUM emotional incest, and if this story is true, actual physical incestual acts. If anyone is the manipulative, toxic person in your Cousin’s life, it’s you. I’ve never seen such narcissism on here before. You DONT know better than him what’s best for HIS life. 16 year olds, if any sexuality, get in bad relationships that don’t work, that’s up to him to figure out without you pressuring him and then tbh assaulting him most likely.* > >OP’s reply: > >Why would we need therapy? We're both doing fine now. We're literally on vacation right now. It's none of your business what we're doing together. You don't even know us. I'm not pressuring him into anything. You're making up your own stories and ignore what I'm saying. I could show him these posts and he would understand that I only want to protect him. Stop stalking my posts &#x200B; &#x200B; **Edit 3:** OP apparently saw this post. He just posted on his profile again. &#x200B; ***Just Fuck Off Stalkers*** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/user/tthhrroowwrraa926839/comments/14v7880/just_fuck_off_stalkers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) &#x200B; Why don't you just get hobbies instead of making up stories about other people and stalking them???? What we're doing is none of your business. Why is it such a problem for you if he wants me to fuck him?? Ffs just get a life &#x200B; &#x200B; **In his comments underneath the last post, OP seems to be alluding to his cousin possibly having been molested as a child and that he's the only one who knows**

OP is obsessed with his Cousin

INCONCLUSIVE

newsideaccount420

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ufkiw/op_is_obsessed_with_his_cousin/

14ugx1v

Fun Fact To Avoid Spoilers: Giant Pandas are the national animal of China. While Giant Pandas are still endangered, the average number of them in the wild has begun to increase. *This was posted by a now deleted user on* r/ProRevenge CW: None Mood Spoiler:>! Complicated, OOP is Happy but not everything is resolved.!< [**(X-post from offmychest) I Fucking Found Him.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/3clehc/xpost_from_roffmychest_i_fucking_found_him/) **(July 8th, 2015)** On June 18th, I was rear-ended by a gray Dodge Ram. I caught it on my dash cam, and the man who hit me appears on the video twice. I got a picture of his insurance card, damage done on both vehicles, and license plates. He told me he would like to take care of this out of pocket, as he didn't want his insurance rates to rise. I was okay with this, I've done it before with no issues. The next week, I sent my truck in for an estimate. Up until this, we had been texting back and forth with no issues. I emailed him a copy of the estimate....and communication stopped. After hearing nothing from him for 3 days, I called his insurance and filed a claim, because I'm not about to be jerked around. They came back in the same day, telling me he had stopped paying back in March, and so his insurance had been cancelled. They could not honor the claim. I was furious. I called and texted him relentlessly, with no response. He was not going to pay, and neither was his insurance, despite his insurance card saying it expired July 1. I called my insurance, and even though I was at no fault, I have to pay $500 for repairs (Deductible). I immediately went to the Denver County Court, and filed paperwork for small claims, then on to the Sheriff's department to serve him paperwork. The police were no help (shocker). The address he provided on his insurance was falsified, and after telling the deputy 4 times to run his license plates, he finally did. The same address was used to register his vehicle. There was no other way we could find him, and so I was hopeless. I was going to pay for this dickhead's damage, and he was going to get away with it. Until this morning, I decided to do a few Google searches for "his name, Denver". A "ripoff" review popped up - a man with the same name had redone a patio, and did a shitty job at it, fortunately for me. I thought I'd go ahead and call the company. I asked the receptionist for an estimate/consultation to do some yard work, and specifically requested (Name of dick face), as "I heard he was great at this stuff". She said he was great at landscaping, so I asked "He's the one who drives the gray Dodge truck, right?". She said "yes". My heart stopped. That was all I needed. I called the deputy who was attempting to serve him, and they're currently on their way to serve the paperwork at his company. I fucking found you, you piece of shit, and I'm going to make sure you pay me. The court date is August 12th. I'll see you then. TL;DR - Got rear-ended, the dick face was evading payment, and I was better than the police at finding him. Also - everyone should own a dash cam. Seriously. Dash cam footage for you all - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WySmjRedxQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WySmjRedxQ) [**I Fucking Found Him \[Update!\]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/3grpdn/i_fucking_found_him_update/) **(August 12th, 2015)** I know a lot of people have been waiting for this update. **This shit gets better.** If you haven't read the original post, check it out here To clear up a misconception from last time - I did call the police at the time of the incident, and they would not come out because it was on private property. When I left you guys last time, the police were about to serve this dude the paperwork. I had found him, and I was awaiting a phone call from the sheriff's department with a confirmation. But their phone call wasn't the best news. They arrived at the defendant's business address, and no one was at the address. The deputy told me he could try again tomorrow, but I was already not a fan of the way the police had acted until this point, so I told him to leave the paperwork at the police station, and I'll take care of it myself. I enlisted a coworker, David to serve this guy instead. I drove David to the place of business - a two story, decrepit business complex with grey stonework and 70's style brown trimming. The defendant's place of business was on the second story, in a dark corner amidst other small businesses. It was extremely quiet, and not one of the offices upstairs were occupied. David knocked on the door, with no answer. However, there was a mail slot in the middle of the door. We looked through it, and saw that the "office" was about the size of a mini cooper, with a solitary desk and a Dell PC. Nothing was on, and there was no phone. We called the phone number I had tried earlier, and no one answered. So we went downstairs, hoping to speak to another business owner as to the whereabouts of this guy. For some reason, the empty office gave me a really uncomfortable feeling. On the first floor was a phone repair shop, with two sales reps at the counter. David nervously asked one of them if they knew who George G\*\*\*\*\*\* was. The man responded - "Are you here to serve him?" Dave laughed and asked how he knew that. The man told him that they get people in here every week attempting to serve George G\*\*\*\*\*\*. So this dude has been running from people for quite a while. I need to tell you here that Reddit really helped in this investigation. One user, /u/rijnzael, told me about Colorado's Secretary of State Website. I used it and found another business address for the same company. David and I drove there, but the office space was completely empty. Those were the only two leads I had. I felt defeated, and without closure. The last resort I had was a user, /u/Semyonov, who offered his private investigative services to me on another thread. I messaged him, and within one hour, I was on the phone with him, giving every piece of information I had about the defendant. Semyonov (we'll refer to him as "P.I.") told me to give him a few hours, and he'd call me back. Sure enough, within an hour, he called and went through the full background on George G\*\*\*\*\*\*. A Hispanic male in his early 40's...who has liens and judgments against him stemming all the way back from 1997. The defendant has been all over Colorado since 1997, setting up at least 10-12 small businesses - all with multiple P.O. Boxes. The addresses were impossible to find, and the phone numbers were bunk. One address happened to be a prison in my hometown of Canon City, CO, so we assumed he was a convicted felon. The multiple businesses this man set up was a telltale indicator of money laundering activity. He had filed for bankruptcy twice, but he recently sold a business in 2013 for over $600,000 - so he wasn't exactly poor. Unfortunately, despite the full record P.I. pulled up, there was absolutely nothing new for us to go on. After a few back and forth phone calls from other attempts - I told P.I. that he had done his job, and that I had felt a strong sense of peace, knowing that not only have dozens of people attempted this very same thing before to no avail, but that I had exhausted every resource available to me. I went back home and relaxed for the day. 30 minutes later, my phone rings. P.I. called and told me that he tried another database, one that usually doesn't pull up many results. However, this time an address popped up for a home about 15 minutes north of me in Commerce City. The home is owned by an Asian couple...but the utilities are in the name of the defendant. P.I. told me that he could do surveillance of the home at an hourly fee, but I told him that I would go by and see if I found anything first. I got in my truck and drove to the address. The home was among an absolutely gorgeous neighborhood surrounding a golf course, each of them worth $500k+. I rounded the corner for the address, and two houses down - the grey Dodge Ram was sitting in the driveway. The license plates matching the photos I took. He was at the fucking house. I drove down to the end of the street and called P.I. I needed him served right here, right now, while we still have a chance. I met up with him at a King Soopers (grocery store) about two blocks away, and he went through the game plan - He would park across the street and use his binoculars to spot George. All the P.I. needed was a visual confirmation, and the papers would be served. Both the P.I. and me carry concealed, so I parked two houses down and stood on the sidewalk, as P.I. pulled across the street. As P.I.'s brakes quietly squeaked as he stopped, George came outside and started loading his truck. He was getting ready to leave somewhere. P.I. got out of his car and had his cellphone in his shirt pocket, recording the entire exchange. P.I asked "Are you Mr. George G\*\*\*\*\*\*?" "No" George replied. "Well, does he happen to live here?" "No, no one by that name lives here." "Oh really? Because I know what you look like, and your plates and vehicle match up to you." "Are you profiling me, bro?!" "Dude...don't pull that crap with me" George surprisingly answered - "Okay" P.I. gave him the documents. We served the douchenozzle. We got him. We had his address. At this point, he has to either move to another residence, or pay the full amount in order to get out of this mess. George and I exchanged looks as he turned to walk back into his house, papers in hand. I gave him a huge smile, and I walked back to my truck. The P.I. and I met around the corner, and I left my truck running while I came up to his car to sign the paperwork and pay him for the services rendered. While I was signing - I heard my phone ring through the truck's Bluetooth. I walked back and picked up my phone, with the words "Private Number" sitting across the screen. My adrenaline shot up, and I could feel my eyes dilate. There was absolutely no one else who would call from a private number at this time, so I picked it up while the P.I. was scrambling to begin recording on his phone. I answered - "Hello?" A calm, smooth voice replied - "What's up, cracker?" I answered back with a derogatory expletive that I will not repeat. George threatened - "I'm coming to your house tonight - and I'm gonna come up on you." "Oh yeah? How do you know where I live?" (I had intentionally left my address off of his copy of the service notice) "Doesn't matter, you better watch your back, you pudgy-ass mother fucker" (I'm not even fat!) As I answered back, the phone hung up. The P.I. wasn't able to record the exchange, but he pointed to my dash cam - the thing that had already been quite the useful tool before - it was running the whole time, with audio to go with it. The P.I. and I parted ways, and on the way back to my house I called 911, hoping I could get him arrested. I reported the threat he had just made. I was shaken, mostly by the tone of voice George had, plus the fact that he had spent time in prison. He had nothing to lose, so why wouldn't he kill me for $1,000? The police officers were...you guessed it...unhelpful. They told me it wasn't a real threat, because he didn't specifically use key words like "gun" or "knife", or even "hurt". So they refused to come out, but I could go in on Monday to request a restraining order. IT WAS FRIDAY NIGHT, and a piece of paper wasn't gonna do much anyway. I was thankful that I was carrying at the time, and that I had more than one weapon at home. I went home and did a quick Google search. If you type in my name and zip code, which was on the copy of paperwork George received, my home purchase IS PUBLIC FUCKING RECORD. The very first result is my address. Great. So I started packing my weapons into my truck, set my home video cameras to record, talked to my neighbors, had my roommate go to her friend's house for the weekend, and left. I met up with the P.I., who attempted several times to get the police to come out and at least file a report, to no avail. After waiting for a while, I went to my girlfriend's house and stayed there for the weekend, periodically logging in to my cameras from my tablet and checking on the house. Fortunately, he didn't show up, and my neighbors didn't report a grey Ram driving around the area. I laid low for the next three weeks. My bumper got fixed, and this morning, I walked into the courtroom with my pages of pertinent documents, videos, and audio recordings, and waited. George didn't show up, and the (surprisingly, very rude) judge ruled in my favor by default, for a total of $1,067.88. My next step is to have P.I. go back and serve him with interrogatories - a piece of paper which has him declare any assets, his banking accounts, etc. If he is served the interrogatories, and he does not comply, a bench warrant is issued for his arrest. Throughout this WHOLE time, George hasn't done anything illegal, technically. Colorado driving laws state that insurance is not required on private property, which the Home Depot parking lot is. So I'm hoping to get these papers served, and get a criminal charge against him. If I don't, it's really not a big deal. I got under his skin enough that he had to call and threaten me, and that makes me a happy man. Seriously, thank you all for the advice and well wishes. This was a great ride, and it would be awesome if a local newspaper could pick this up. I reached out to 9News and Fox 31 Denver a few weeks ago, and neither have replied. I highly recommend /u/Semyonov's services, he's an incredible P.I. with a ton of patience and understanding, and is very good at walking you through the entire process. ANY FUCKING QUESTIONS? *Marked as concluded due to the time since the last post and that OOP seems happy overall. I wish OOP the best.*

OP Gets In A Car Crash And Searches For Who Caused It

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ugx1v/op_gets_in_a_car_crash_and_searches_for_who/

14ujfwl

**I am not the Original Poster (OP). Originally posted 5 years ago by** [**u/dogpoopthrowaway9**](https://www.reddit.com/user/dogpoopthrowaway9/) **on** r/relationship_advice**.** &#x200B; [**My boyfriend of 4 years has been collecting and freezing our dogs poo**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/a1zepj/my_boyfriend_of_4_years_has_been_collecting_and/) (30 Nov 2018) My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We have lived together for two. A few months ago we adopted a dog who is about 1 year old. He’s very healthy and loving, well trained, a perfect dog. My boyfriend has a so called “man cave” in our house. It’s untidy so I don’t really go in there. He has a fridge and freezer there which I assumed was for drinks and snacks. Today I had some friends over and we ran out of beer so I went to his man cave to see if he had any in his freezer. Turns out he didn’t, but he did have a whole fuckload of my dogs poo in there. Frozen. It looks like he’s been collecting it for a month. There’s like 60 bags of poo. What the fuck?? How do I confront him about this and ask what’s going on? Why would he be freezing my dogs poo??? My dog has nothing wrong with him so there’s no reason his poo needs to be preserved. No one has told us to do this. Wtf? Tl;dr my bf has been collecting and freezing my dogs poo. What the hell? **Relevant Comments:** * [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/a1zepj/comment/eau3wmq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): He’s been under a lot of stress recently so I wanted to make sure there wasn’t some obvious explanation before I go in asking him wtf is happening, and he isn’t home for a few hours and I was curious as hell. But alas there is no explanation other than a prank. I’ll update when he’s home and we talk. Fuckin weird. * [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/a1zepj/comment/eau58p5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): There’s like over 50 doggy bags. He must have been collecting for a while. My dog poops twice a day but let’s say half the time I manage to get to it first, so he must have been collecting for at least 2 months?! Unless he’s been separating the poo into different bags?! * [Commenter](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/a1zepj/comment/eau422i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): This may sound kind of odd, but how do you know it was your dog's poo? Size..? I mean I have a Doberman so he poops a bit bigger than probably what a human does, so I'm assuming you have a big dog too?[OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/a1zepj/comment/eau4cjr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): Size (small) and, well, how it looks. When my dog poops (and I’m there to pick it up) I look quickly to make sure it’s healthy etc so I know what it looks like. Maybe that’s weird but hey I’m not keeping it... &#x200B; &#x200B; **Update in post, 4 hours later** So my bf came home and I pretty much asked him what the heck he was doing with frozen poo. After an initial non-reaction he put his head in his hands and started to laugh. He explained that his friend from uni is moving to town. His friend and him had an ongoing tradition of gross as hell pranks. They’ve been in touch recently just catching up before the move and his friend sent a box of bird crap to my bf disguised as a box of chocolates. I didn’t know about this. Anyway my bf wanted to get him back by sending him a welcome to town gift from my friends new “boss” of “steaks”, which he would drop off at his house prior to him arriving. By the time his friend arrived, the steak box would have defrosted, friend would open the box from his “boss” and he would open it to just find... our dogs poop. Like, I’m glad he’s not eating it I guess???? The prank is weird, and he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d think it was gross and didn’t think I’d want to be involved. Which I don’t, really. But I’m so relieved I just told him to send 30 bags instead of his confirmed 65. Now I can get rid of the rest. I’ve also told him to keep me updated on future pranks so I don’t end up thinking he’s secretly snacking on our pups butt nuggets. &#x200B; &#x200B; **Reminder: I am not the Original Poster (OP). Originally posted 5 years ago by** [**u/dogpoopthrowaway9**](https://www.reddit.com/user/dogpoopthrowaway9/) **on** r/relationship_advice**.**

My boyfriend of 4 years has been collecting and freezing our dogs poo

CONCLUDED

Celany

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ujfwl/my_boyfriend_of_4_years_has_been_collecting_and/

14uxbrq

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ArizonaThoraway **My Son [17] found a sex tape of my wife and I [35F & 40M] and now our kids are freaking out and not talking to us** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dlmfjc/my_son_17_found_a_sex_tape_of_my_wife_and_i_35f/) **Oct 22, 2019** So to make a long story short, my wife and I have an "unconventional" sex life and our teenage son found one of our "Sex tapes" while using my laptop without permission. He has his own computer so I don't know why he was on mine. My wife and I were sitting at the table going through some bill payments on her laptop and my daughter [15] was on her laptop in the living room which is attached to the kitchen. My son stormed down the stairs and into the kitchen where he proceeded to start yelling at us over how sick we are. We had no idea what was happening and our daughter got mad and asked what was going on and he started yelling about what he found. This set my daughter off and my wife became hysterical and everyone began screaming at each other. I was so shocked and embarrassed by what was happening that I just remained quiet at first but I put an end to the fighting and told everyone to split up and cool off which they did. ​ I told my wife we should talk about this with them but she said she cannot possibly face them over how mortified she is. I went to try and say something anyway but my kids were having none of it and wouldn't even look at me. Since then our kids have barely communicated with us and are not coming out of their rooms except for school and extra-curriculars. We are making dinners which are being eaten in silence and in different rooms. ​ It has been almost a week and I feel like I need to do something but my wife keeps begging me not to bring it up and my children wont even look at me. What should I do? ​ [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dmlptm/update_my_son_17_found_a_sex_tape_of_my_wife_and/) **Oct 24, 2019** It wouldn't let me post this earlier this morning so I'm posting it now during lunch. In my last post I got come great advice and some laughably terrible advice, but I followed some of the former to initially good effect. After some back and forth with the wife I put my foot down and decided we were going to have a sit down as a family and talk this out. She was quite upset but I told her this would be best. I texted everyone in the morning (I start work early) to let them know to come home on time today because we need to clear the air and have a proper adult discussion, no disappearing into bedrooms. My daughter agreed and so did my son although he had the condition that it not be in the living room which was fine. Everyone did as I asked and we held the family meeting in the kitchen. It started off quite awkward and I began by reminding them the importance of respecting people's privacy. I told them that no one is in trouble but I was very disappointed at my sons actions and said how he could have handled what happened with more discretion. My kids did not like this initially and they said some disrespectful things but I reprimanded them for it and overall it was tense but calm as it could be under the circumstances. I went on and essentially explained to them that consenting adults, especially those who are married and happy together, shouldn't be shamed for whatever they have decided they enjoy. It is unfair to judge someone else and they need to learn as they grow older that not everyone will adhere to what they think is normal. They can dislike something personally but it is wrong to hate someone else because of it. This is when it started to go south. My son started to get angry but not just at us but also his sister. She apparently told her best friend (who is also her cousin) who then told people at school. Apparently my son has been getting made fun of at school because of it and he is obviously very upset. My wife became enraged at our daughter and quite hysterical and I actually removed her from the situation (not physically but told her to leave and cool off). I was upset too but shouting wouldn't solve anything. I told my daughter that she was in deep trouble for doing that and asked my son if he had told anyone and he said no, which I believe. I took my daughter's phone and laptop as punishment and grounded her for a until the end of the school year, but that is really just plugging a hole in the hull while the ship is on fire. She stormed off up to her room which is where she will stay. I asked my son why he didn't mention anything to me about the bullying and he told me it was my fault and he didn't want to talk to me at all. I asked what they were saying but he wouldn't go into detail, just that they would call him named and throw things at him (fruit apparently?). His friends were sticking up for him though which I was happy to hear. He then said some very disrespectful things about me and his mother, which I understood because he was angry but I couldn't excuse, so I also took his electronics off him and grounded him. He still blamed me for the tape but I told him he wasn't in trouble for finding it, he was in trouble for being a disrespectful little Sh*t. He stormed off to his room which is where he too will stay for a while. I went upstairs to my wife and she was obviously extremely upset. I held her and she cried for a while and blamed herself before she eventually calmed down enough to talk. She realized that if the cousin knew, then my sister and her husband probably knew too. She was sobbing at the thought of them spreading this to our family (religious types) and we decided to try and get ahead of this. I texted my sister asking her if she was free this weekend to stop by for coffee or something. She didn't reply immediately though I know she saw the text and eventually she responded saying that she "rather wouldn't right now." So now my wife is depressed saying that my family are going to hate her and shun us and we would lose our community presence. I feel like I need to talk to my sister just to make sure what she knows and ask her to keep it to herself, even if I invite myself over. Does that seem like a good idea? Should I also talk to the school about my son and see if I can help at all? My daughter didn't mention any bullying but she might be taking heat for this too. Also, We deleted all adult stuff we had on the laptops and then I spent a good hour or so figuring out how to encrypt files, although my wife told me not to bother because it would never happen again. I'm also looking at family therapy because I want us to go and talk to a professional about it. [Final update - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/drgt2o/final_update_my_son_17_found_a_sex_tape_of_my/) **Nov 4, 2019** So I wasn't going to post anything more, especially after the reception my last posts received, but it's very early and I'm not doing anything for a while yet so I decided to let everyone know how it all turned out. ​ Sorry to disappoint but: I haven't killed myself, my children don't hate me, and my life isn't in ruins. So for those of you who told me to "neck myself" and everyone who decided that my relationship with my children was ruined forever, I sincerely pity how terrible a relationship you had with your parents and hope you never breed. ​ Anyways, my last post yielded little advice and consisted mostly of people telling me how fucked everything was (shoutout to u/sabreyna for actually giving some advice) so I decided to just ignore you all and do what I thought was best. ​ I went to see my sister on the Saturday morning and when I arrived she seemed surprised to see me but invited me in anyway. She explained that her shortness over text was because she was dealing with her own problems with her/my children. She told me that Cousin was being bullied by my Daughter at school apparently for no reason. I realized it must be about her blabbing about the tape so I explained the situation (leaving out the contents of the tape obviously cause I'm not stupid). She decided to punish her daughter for being disrespectful of someone indulging sensitive information and we agreed that I would talk to my daughter about how wrong her behavior had been. (Yes she is religious but she isn't insane and she doesn't judge me). ​ I decided to let my kids stew without their electronics until the Sunday while I helped my wife pull herself out of her shame spiral. After a long day of helping and supporting her she seemed to snap out of it and slept peacefully for the first time since this all happened which I was very grateful for. On the Sunday we decided as a team to sit down with our kids and talk to them again. We started with out daughter as she seemed easier to deal with. ​ We sat her down and I explained to her that what she did was similar to me reading her diary and then telling other people what was written in it. There's nothing wrong with having a diary and there's certainly nothing wrong with what was written in it, but it is embarrassing to have others know. She understood the example and apologized. We then got onto the topic of the cousin and explained that, while what cousin did was very wrong, she shouldn't be so hard on her and to stop with the bullying. Our daughter agreed although she said their friendship was done and I said that was fair enough. We gave her back her electronics and reduced the grounding to a week (what she did was still wrong and so requires punishment). ​ We next called down our son and talked to him about why he was punished. His mother is his mother and no child, regardless of the reason, has any right to talk to their mother the way he did, same goes for me. He apologized for what he said and then we talked about schools and if he wanted to change school. He was genuinely scared that we were going to switch his schools and he explained that the bullying wasn't that bad, just some "loser kids" who were throwing stuff at him and hassling him in the halls. My son is very well liked at his school and has many friends and loves his sports so we decided not to move school. I did the same with him that I did with my daughter and gave him back his electronics. ​ During the week I got a call from his school that he had been in a fight and was facing suspension so I went to the school and it turns out he got fed up of the harassment and beat up one of the "bullies". The principal was talking serious punishment but I told him to fuck himself and explained that my son was standing up for himself against people who were using sensitive information to bully him. At the end of the day it was decided that a series of detentions was more appropriate for both people involved which we accepted as a compromise. I told my son I was proud of him for standing up for himself and that he wouldn't get any punishment at home. ​ As for the whole community finding out, well it turns out that adults don't tend to believe children when they talk gossip (shocking I know) and all that is known is that my wife and I have a sex tape. So no one cares, or at least no one we care about cares. ​ So we are back to a sort of normal. The kids are talking to us again and eating dinner at the table and we are all a lot calmer, if still a bit tense. In the future we will be A LOT more careful about this kind of thing. ​ To address a few things from the last post: Yes the world isn't fair, but why should I then teach my children to contribute to that unfairness? Answer: I shouldn't. ​ Why just punish the kids, what about your punishment? LOL parenting isn't quid-pro-quo. ​ The laptop did have a password on it. It was unlocked as I had been using it barely 10 minutes earlier. ​ There is nothing wrong, neither morally nor ethically, with recording a sex tape of consenting adults. People calling me and my wife degenerates can crawl back to whatever sad little hole they crawled out of. ​ Anyway, I wont bother reading any replies to this so spare me your vitriol. Just wanted you all to know what it worked out fine. **RELEVANT COMMENTS ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF THE TAPES** **Children_OfThe_Foxes** >dude wtf was on that tape!? **OOP replied** >>Why do people keep asking? It shouldn't matter **Children_OfThe_Foxes** >>>of course it fucking matters! What your son saw obviously makes a difference to how he will react to it **OOP replied** >>>>Of the people on the tape, I am not one of them **OTHER COMMENTS ABOUT THE TAPES** **eeannsakura** >He said in the previous post but then deleted it “like swinging but not really” and now “I’m not on the tape” so maybe his wife with someone else. Either way i think there needs to be alot more empathy and sensitivity shown to the children if this is the case. * **saucyhands** >From the sounds of it, it’s “hot wifing”. The son will have lost respect for him. In time he may understand people have kinks but definitely not in high school and perhaps not until well into adulthood. ##**OOP HAS UPDATED IN THE BORU THREAD** [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14uxbrq/my_son_17_found_a_sex_tape_of_my_wife_and_i_35f/jrs720p?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 15, 2023** Hey this is me! Saw this when browsing my main account. Crazy to see this post again, it was a tumultuous time. For people calling me a groomer cause my wife gave birth at 18 and I was 23, it was an accidental pregnancy caused by a one night stand after a night out and she decided to keep it and I supported her. We hadn’t met before then, We didn’t start dating until later **ON THE STATE OF THE FAMILY** It’ll disappoint a lot of people to hear this, but things have been just fine. The whole thing blew over and we were back to being a normal family not long afterwards. Oldest is almost finished college, youngest is soon beginning, wife and I are stronger than ever. **ON THE DAUGHTERS COUSIN/BEST FRIEND** My daughter and her fell-out and never quite made-up properly but they’re family so they have to see each other sometimes and they seem to be in good terms. As for the rest of us we forgave her and just moved on, kids do silly things sometimes and we were just happy to have this whole thing disappear. **WHEN ASKED IF THE COMMENTS WERE CORRECT ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF THE TAPE** I’d like to comment but tbh it’s funnier to watch the puritans and sexually repressed people rage about what they’re imagining was on that tape than confirm any details lol **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My Son [17] found a sex tape of my wife and I [35F & 40M] and now our kids are freaking out and not talking to us

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14uxbrq/my_son_17_found_a_sex_tape_of_my_wife_and_i_35f/

14v2hme

**I am not OOP. The original poster is** u/mythrowaway2334 **in** r/AITAH &#x200B; TW: >!cheating!< Mood spoiler: >!hopeful!< \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *OOP made original post in AITAH but it got removed, he posted the original post on his actual profile the day he made the update.* [The post on his profile](https://www.reddit.com/user/mythrowaway2334/comments/14mxn61/wibtah_if_i_go_on_a_vacation_with_my_mom_instead/) [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ezxn7/wibtah_if_i_go_on_a_vacation_with_my_mom_instead/) \- 21 June 2023 Edit: Idk why they removed my post. I am getting messages to upload the original one once I make an update. My (26m) parents (44f and 45m) have been high school sweethearts. My mom got pregnant straight out of high school. My mom has always supported my dad through everything. She worked double shifts so that my dad can start a business and earn significant amount of money. She never splurged on luxury goods and even after my dad started his successful business, my mom saved and encouraged him to invest more in his business. And how my lovely dad decides to thank her? He fucks a woman who is only a year older than I am. They have been divorced for 3 years and my dad publicly started dating his mistress without any shame. My siblings have a sort of strained relationship with him, I never talk to him after the divorce. I hate to acknowledge his existence and hate it even more that he seems to think he did nothing wrong. He is getting married to his mistress in 10 days. I can tell mom is still hurt by the divorce. She told she is going to Romania, where her parents was born. She always insisted my dad to take her there but since my dad was busy cheating on her, he took her. I also wanted to go with her because I need an excuse to avoid the wedding all together. My siblings told me if I don't attend the wedding, they wouldn't as well. My dad has been on my neck and trying guilt trip me into attending his wedding. But I already booked the tickets to Romania. My relative are saying if I don't go I will be disrespecting my dad. I don't think he deserves an ounce of respect from me. Plus I am pretty sure their marriage wouldn't last more than 2 years considering how much she spends just to show off. I'd rather be with my mom. Edit: Thank you people. I see that most people think that I am not doing anything wrong. I am packing my bags for Romania. I was very skeptical. I wanted people to guide me if I was doing the wrong. Thanks to those people I am even stronger in my decision. I appreciate your feedback ***Some comments:*** [Comment 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ezxn7/comment/joxmuah/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Go with your mom. If anyone did any disrespecting it was your dad, by having an affair. > >Although if you still want to have a good relationship with your dad then you'd better think it through and discuss it with your siblings. [Comment 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ezxn7/comment/joy29lh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Support your mom. Go to Romania. You are right, your dad doesn't deserve much respect, at least right now. Marrying someone essentially the same age as his kid should have consequences. [Comment 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ezxn7/comment/joxoj6p/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Respect is earned, and your "father" doesn't deserve your respect.. a wedding invitation is not a summons, and you have every right to say no. > >Good for you for supporting your mum during this.. perhaps after your vacation, you and all your siblings could do something together with your mum as well? > >You could always tell your dad you'll go to wedding number five? ***There were some comments that were negative towards OOP and also kept harassing him. Also Since most of his comment from original post was removed it was hard to recover. NC= Negative comment*** [NC1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ezxn7/comment/joygfds/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): >I’m not going to tell you what to do. Your NTA here. I will point this out, the affair was between your mom and dad, not you. Yea, it certainly affected you, but he can’t be miserable for the rest of his life. What he did sucked, but if he wants to marry this woman, he should. What he had between him and your mom is over. > >But you also don’t owe him your time or respect. What he did sucks, but it’s done. Do you want a relationship with him? [NC2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ezxn7/comment/jp29byc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): >NTA but definitely being a little brat! You’re not a child so act 26! Your dad cheated on your mom and not you! Your parents marriage is none of your business *The Poster of this negative comment also doubled down to insult OOP's mom:* >NTA but definitely being a little brat! You’re not a child so act 26! Your dad cheated on your mom and not you! Your parents marriage is none of your business > >You keep referring to his adult kids as children! They are adults and should conduct themselves as adults! How do you know his ex wife is an angel? Please explain!! Because her adult son has pity for her? Again maybe she was a horrible wife and the adult children had no clue or maybe she stop satisfying her husband! Doesn’t matter because the husband moved on and the fact that he traded her in for a new model is not relevant! Not sure why people are taking this so personal as if it happened to them! ***Some of OOP's comments were deleted. So I couldn't restore it.*** [Update](https://web.archive.org/web/20230630114648/https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14my5i6/update_wibtah_if_i_go_on_a_vacation_with_my_mom/) \- 30 June 2023 My post was removed by reddit for whatever reason. I don't know. I don't know if they will allow me to post an update but it is worth a shot. So, I am in Romania with my mom and gf. Just landed 36 hours ago. My dad's wedding is cancelled. According to my siblings, my dad wanted his gf to sign a prenup. She refused. It turned into a huge fight between him and her. They fought in the rehearsal dinner too. He decided to postpone the wedding until the matter is solved. I don't think so this wedding will happen ever. I am glad he is learning the truth of his value. I haven't told my mom yet. She seems happy here so don't want to ruin that. I might tell her today at dinner. My siblings are fine. I wish I could take them with us. Also to those people who defended my cheating father and told me it is not my business. I hope each and everyone of you suffer from what my mom, my siblings and I went through. It wasn't easy. He betrayed not just my mom but all of our family. He was a selfish old man who wanted his cake and eat it too. I am 100% allowed to be mad at him for destroying our family for his dick, destroying my mom and her self esteem like that. And those who are calling me a mama's boy, I hope your mom sees this and thinks what kind of unappreciative child she gave birth to. I love my mom, she gave birth to me and took care of me when I wasn't able to do that. Now it is my turn to support her. Adios. ***The original update was removed by the moderators. I am only giving the links of old updates. Though OOP had made few edits saying that her father's fiancée was actually cheating on him and was stealing money from him.*** **I am not OP. Ongoing because we still need details about the wedding.**

WIBTAH if I go on a vacation with my mom instead of attending my father's wedding?

ONGOING

Genuine_friend012

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14v2hme/wibtah_if_i_go_on_a_vacation_with_my_mom_instead/

14v3br3

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/shoesfullofwater **in** r/JUSTNOMIL trigger warnings: >!relationship difficulties, pregnancy!< mood spoilers: >!sadness, anxiety!< &#x200B; [**Original Post: My MIL dotes on my son but wants to act like I don’t exist**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/13f57tu/my_mil_wants_to_act_like_i_dont_exist_but_dotes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Fri, May 12, 2023 I seriously need some advice on how to approach this situation. &#x200B; Long story short (probably not), my husband and I got married quick and had a baby not long after. I have absolutely no regrets! I love my husband and adore our baby, I have such a wonderful life with them. The problem is my MIL. She 100% has bipolar or borderline or something, but won't seek treatment. Everyone in the family knows something is wrong, but they tiptoe around the issue because she's a ticking time bomb 90% of the time. &#x200B; She disapproved of me from the start, and I don't know why. I like to think I'm nice, people have told me I'm funny, my husband has always adored me, and I did my best to be polite. My husband says she's never liked any of his girlfriends, it's some complex she has about her precious little boy, no one is ever good enough for him. But he said he didn't care what she thinks because he knows I'm perfect for him (so sweet). &#x200B; She surprised us by showing up to our elopement. We both invited our parents and my sister last minute and everyone except my MIL was thrilled. She was quiet and scowled the whole time. I didn't let it get me down though and I had the most wonderful day! &#x200B; She's a NICU nurse and travels for work as we live in a rural area, so she (thankfully) wasn't around a lot. Whenever she would visit, I would try and extend the olive branch and see if she'd like to hang out and maybe try and connect. I grew up with my grandmother (my mom's MIL) living with us and her and my mom had such a wonderful relationship, I thought that if I got to know my MIL, maybe we could have that. Nope. Half the time it was an excuse about being tired and the other half the time she wouldn't even respond. She actually got in the habit of not telling us when she was in town. I brushed it off, I can't force her to be my friend. I know it makes my husband sad that we aren't close, but I can't help that the woman doesn't want me around. I mean, in the 2 years my husband and I have been together, I've seen my MIL 5 times. &#x200B; The big issues started when I got pregnant. My husband and I had been trying and we were over the moon at the news! We were both so excited and ready to be parents. My parents were overjoyed at the news and have been so supportive and loving the whole way. When we told my MIL, she was AWFUL! We had prefaced seeing them with the fact that we had news we wanted to share with them. She postponed us coming over twice and when we actually arrived, she was still in her pajamas with unbrushed hair ( a minor detail that just ticks me off in hindsight). &#x200B; When we shared the news, she said, "I was dreading that this is what you'd say." And then proceeded to go on a rant about how we're too young (we're in our 20's and both have good, stable jobs) and we won't enjoy it and won't make it as parents. I was mortified. She looked at me and flat out told me she wished I wasn't pregnant. My husband and I quickly made an excuse to leave. We were both crushed, but we were determined to not let it get to us and focus on our new, growing family. My FIL (who I won't talk about a lot, but is a total doormat) texted my husband some half assed apology saying his (my husband's) mom needed time. &#x200B; After about a month, she sends me a long winded text that was less of an apology and more of an excuse. She brushed over her cruel words and said she was simply blindsided by the news and now is SO excited to be a grandmother. I didn't respond. The next interaction came on the 4th of July (we told them I was pregnant in April). I was several months along and was SO hungry all of the time, but the smell of cooking meat would make me so sick, it was awful! Also, I have celiac disease so I'm used to bringing my own alternatives to people's houses to accommodate my food restriction. My in-laws, SIL (who lives in Arizona, many hours away from where we live), and a couple of SILs friends were in town for the 4th. My parents invited us to their house for the 4th and we happily accepted. &#x200B; In laws never reached out to us about plans. My husband texted them the day before to see what their plans were and FIL said a BBQ and they wanted us to come. My husband asked what food would be served. With my dietary restriction, the only thing I could eat would be a plain hamburger patty, but I was worried it would make me sick with the pregnancy. My husband (I didn't ask him to do this, he was just in protective-of-my-pregnant-wife mode) asked if there was anything I could eat. MIL responds by saying she didn't really think about me and was more concerned with catering to my SILs friends. My husband asked if we should bring some food for me and they said no, that the BBQ was supposed to be a special thing and they had some chips I could snack on. &#x200B; Keep in mind, I'm 4 months pregnant at this point and my choice was a whole meal that my parents made that I could eat, or chips. I texted my MIL and politely declined the invitation and told her that in the future if she wanted me to attend events centered around food, to please either provide something I could eat or give me some notice so I could get some food together for myself. She LOST it. She didn't respond to my message (which my husband agreed was appropriate and polite) but texted my husband non stop about how I was so cruel and cold to her and how I ruined her holiday. I texted her saying that if she's upset with me, she can talk to me about it, not my husband. &#x200B; Furthermore, I told her that she has established the precedent that we aren't friends and I don't want to be her friend, but I want her to be nice to me. I went so far as to say that if she wants to have a relationship with my kid, she needs to behave. Is this blunt? Yes. But I didn't curse or say anything derogatory, I said what she needed to hear because no one else in the family will check her behavior. She never responded to my message and I don't recall her texting me to this day. She ended up making a groupchat with me and my husband months later, but she'd never talk to me, just my husband (she'd specifically address him in the messages). &#x200B; I didn't speak to her for many months. She never checked on me during my pregnancy, didn't even ask how I was doing. She'd feign interest and text my husband about how I was doing though, which I found very performative. If she genuinely cared about how I was doing, she could have texted me ONCE in the whole 9 months of my pregnancy. &#x200B; My baby was born big and healthy in December! He's the light and joy of my life. By this time, my MIL and FIL had moved down to Arizona because the warmer weather agrees with my MIL more. And the distance? It agrees with me. They did come to visit after my son was born and I endured an awful visit. My MIL wanted to cuddle and love on my baby and give me endless unsolicited advice, but I had promised my husband I would play nice. I was polite, nothing more. I can't get the image of her telling me she didn't want me pregnant out of my head. It was the worst thing to hear as a new mother. And now she wants to cuddle on my baby. &#x200B; Speaking of unsolicited, she now sends packages of shit to my door that I don't want. She sent a bassinet that was too big for our small bedroom. She sent a noise machine that didn't work out of the box. She sent a huge wipe warmer that didn't fit on my changing table. She sent clothes that were too small for my son (he was 11lbs when he was born and he's grown fast). But my MIL wouldn't know that I don't need any of these things because she won't talk to me. And she sends all the packages anonymously to my door (I know it's her, my husband texts her about it) with no return slip. I've either donated everything or gifted it to a pregnant friend of mine. &#x200B; Lately, my MIL has taken to facetiming my husband to see my son. If I'm in the room, she won't talk to me. She won't say hi. She won't ask how I'm doing, even though I'm only 4 months post partum after an insanely traumatic birth where we could have lost both my son and I (we're blessed that he's okay, but 11lbs is a big baby to push out!). She acts like I don't exist. It drives me nuts. And she knows I'm in the room when she facetimes because she can see I'm the one holding my son!! &#x200B; She says she wants to visit soon, but I don't want her to see my son. I told her that if she didn't want to be amicable with me, she wouldn't get to see my son. I don't want to be close with her, but some common decency would be nice. If I'm around when she's calling, just be polite and say hi. And STOP sending all this shit to my door! I've got enough on my plate working full time with a special needs 4 month old (he's healthy, like I said, but is partially blind and requires specialist visits and a bit of extra care), having to deal with giant shipments showing up to my door with no notice is an extra task I DON'T need. &#x200B; You want to know what the cherry on top is? I had told her at one point when my husband and I were dating about my grandmother who had recently passed. She was the one that lived with us, she practically raised me. She passed right before I met my husband and I feel like I'm still grieving her loss. I called her my gram and grammy. And what name did my MIL choose? Gram. I feel my heart break a little bit every time I hear her say it because even though it's been two years, I'm still grappling with the loss of my grandmother. She had dementia before she passed and it was hard on all of us. I'm still trying to cope with watching my beloved gram literally lose her mind slowly over the course of several years. And my MIL knows this and chose that name. &#x200B; I think I'm mainly looking for some advice on how to approach this situation. She's not the WORST MIL ever, but she drives me up a wall. I just want some common decency and respect, I deserve that much if she's gonna play grandmother to my kid. What would you do? What should I do? I constantly feel moments away from losing it when I'm around her but don't want to start a fight for my husband's sake. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**EDIT**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/13f57tu/comment/jjwcz0y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- I6 hours after original post I completely forgot about something!! We live in a small town so it’s not unheard of to run into literally everyone you know in public. When my in laws were still living in town, I would see them every so often with my husband. MIL was always so sweet when DH was around. But one time, I saw her at the grocery store by myself. I smiled and waved and started turning my cart to go say hello and she glared at me and stormed away!! I couldn’t believe it!! My husband and I were already married at this point and this was after masking restrictions were lifted so she knew it was me. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**UPDATE: My MIL dotes on my son but wants to act like I don’t exist**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14jn69k/update_my_mil_dotes_on_my_son_but_wants_to_act/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Jun 26, 2023 Hello all! I want to thank everyone for their love on my last post! It helped ease my mind a bit that I'm not totally crazy and my MIL's behavior isn't okay. On to the update: After my post, I thought on everything y'all said and talked to my husband. Family is very important to him and he definitely had a bit of pushback on the idea of our son not being allowed to see his family. We got into a bit of a back and forth about it and I finally told him I was fed up with him not defending me in the face of obvious disrespect. After a long while, I finally think I got through to him and he agreed to speak to his parents. &#x200B; I'm on the fence whether I should be a part of the conversation. Here's my thinking-- If I'm not there, then my MIL has the opportunity to twist my words and worm her way back into my husband's head. When we first got married, my husband often sided with his parents, saying that I "didn't do enough to form a relationship with them" and "just need to forgive MIL and let it all go". It was awful and I hope it doesn't start up again because it was hard feeling like my husband wasn't on my side. If I am in on the conversation, I worry I'll totally lose it on my MIL and nothing productive will happen. Like I mentioned in my last post, I've never spoken a cross word to this woman, even when she told me she wished my son didn't exist. I've bit my tongue and played nice for years now and I'm so sick of it. Apparently, she's been putting on the waterworks for my FIL and I worry she'll cause a scene to try and get everyone on her side and I just won't stand for that. I know I can be civil, but it would be the ULTIMATE test of my patience. &#x200B; In better news though, the facetime calls have ceased and my husband is no longer sending pictures and updates of our son to her. He does send them to his sister, the SIL mentioned in the last post, and I don't mind that. She's a total sweetheart and I really adore her. I don't know if she shows anything to MIL. I don't even know how much she sees MIL, honestly. They had a terrible relationship growing up with SIL being the scapegoat for MILs abuse and my husband being the golden child. She's also said that MIL and FIL fight so often now that they're almost impossible to be around for any length of time, which also doesn't fly with me. I grew up with a younger sibling that suffered from some severe emotional delays, leading to hours of screaming, crying, and violence every day. I'm sure MIL and FILs fighting isn't so extreme, but it's important to me that my son not be exposed to loud, aggressive behavior when possible. &#x200B; In slightly worse news again, my husband is a bit upset again about our son not being allowed to see MIL until we (or just DH) talks to her. He started throwing things around about grandparents rights, which he doesn't understand. Grandparent's rights are typically only evoked in custody battles, which DH and I don't have as we're married. Also, they don't apply to children under the age of two (our son is 6 months old) and require an established relationship (MIL has seen my son once when he was a newborn). Even IF (strong if) any of them try and bring me to court over this, they will lose. &#x200B; MIL has a history of abuse, alcoholism, and mistreating me (relationship with the parents is considered in grandparent's rights cases) aside from the fact that my son is an infant who doesn't know this woman and wouldn't care either way if he didn't see her (for now at least, the only thing he cares about is milk and chewing on things while he's teething). We got into a bit of an argument last night where he said he had decided that he wouldn't be keeping his son from his parents. I stood firm on what I was comfortable with: MIL is not allowed to see my son until DH talks to her and she's only allowed to have supervised visits after the fact. &#x200B; I spoke with my husband over text this morning (he works 5-2 and I work 8-5) and let him know that I hope he will stick with our original plan of talking to his mom. I also reminded him that we need to be a team on this, like in all things. I also reminded him that we're in this situation because of her and her behavior, not because of anything I did. &#x200B; Another issue is that my husband wants his parents to babysit since MIL is coming to visit some time in July, and I'm just not comfortable with it. My MIL has a sorted history of not listening to me. I just don't trust leaving my son with her because I have no way of knowing if she will respect what I ask of her to do for him. Furthermore, my son has special needs and is teething (poor thing is just beside himself most days right now). I've only ever seen MIL a few times in person. I wouldn't leave my son with an unstable alcoholic that I'd only ever met a handful of times that disrespects me. &#x200B; I guess I'm just looking for a bit of reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. I hate "rocking the boat", so to speak, and I just want to move past all this. I hate conflict. I just want to go ahead and figure out if she's in or out of our lives and be done with it. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**EDIT TO UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14jn69k/comment/jpmii8z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 2 hours after the Update Thank you for all the replies to far, they’re fanning the flames of my righteous fury! Though, I will remain civil. Below is a text I sent my husband, I had too much on my mind to wait until after work. I will update in the comments again when he replies. Our sons name has been replaced with “baby”. &#x200B; “I’ve been thinking a lot about the situation with your mom. I keep thinking about how I don’t want to cause problems, but I realized that I haven’t done anything wrong. I haven’t done anything to her. I’ve never been anything but nice to her. &#x200B; The bottom line is that we had an agreement. Your mother is not allowed to act however she wants to me. She disrespected me and treated me like an incubator for “her grandchild”, whom she has NO relationship with. And she will not have a relationship with him until she begins to behave differently. &#x200B; Your parents will not be babysitting baby yet. When he was born, you didn’t feel comfortable with my parents babysitting until we had seen them around baby for a while, the same will stand true for your parents. We can consider letting them keep baby after they have a while to get to know him and we see how they interact with him. He’s more aware than ever now and, especially with his teething, it’s not a good idea to leave him in a strange environment with strange people that he doesn’t know. &#x200B; Baby isn’t allowed to be with anyone we’re not both on board with. If I came to you and said “hey I’m going to leave baby with an unstable alcoholic you’ve only met a few times and there’s nothing you can say or do about it”, you would flip shit, understandably so. You can’t do that to me. We are supposed to be a united front on our decisions with baby. &#x200B; It’s completely unfair for you to flip flop on me like this. One minute you’re the supportive husband who has sympathy for my position and wants to put our family first and the next minute I’m a witch who is “incapable of forgiveness” and the whole situation is my fault. You need to pick a side. It’s either me and baby or your mother. I’m tired of waiting for you to defend me. I’m your wife and he is your son. &#x200B; At the end of the day, YOUR MOTHER is the problem, not me. SHE caused all this. Her behavior. Her actions. She’s an adult and she made her choices. Now she has to live with the consequences. I’ve been patient, I’ve been polite, I’ve been flexible. I allowed her to see him when he was born and that didn’t change anything. She needs to figure herself out before she’s allowed to see our son. “ &#x200B; Again, thank you everyone! It feels good to feel less alone on this issue. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**Mini Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14jn69k/comment/jpn30kl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 4 hours Later My husbands response can be summed up as this: * He thinks the relationship between me and her can be repaired. He didn’t say anything about her responsibility in “repairing” the relationship. * Apparently, he “never agreed” to keeping our son from her, which isn’t true. We had a long discussion about it and both agreed it would be best to have some distance between her and our son until we have a chance to speak with her. * My solution of keeping our son from her forever (which isn’t true, I told him that if she turns her behavior around, she can see him if we’re around) is no solution to the problem. Again, glossing over everything. * He agrees that his dad (never mentioned his mom) won’t babysit until we have some time to see him with our son and let our son get to know him (the separation anxiety is kicking in for our baby). That’s all that was said. I’m hoping we will have a conversation tonight. &#x200B; ***Comments:*** **Realistic-Animator-3** >Try sitting him down, and have him think about his mother’s behavior towards his sister. Insist he recognize how it made her feel, and how she still feels today. Tell him to compare that behavior with how she was with him as her favorite. Insist he think about mil’s behavior towards you, how it has made you feel and still makes you feel. Tell him that he isn’t the injured party here…you are and he doesn’t get to decide how you handle it. Remind him that you will protect your son from anything and everything, regardless of who it is. Ask him if he is willing to subject his son to his mother’s treatment…like she did with SIL, like she is with you, like she is with FIL. **OOP Replied** >I just pointed this out to him yesterday in our argument (probably not the best time to bring it up, but it’s really been on my mind). My husband never defends me. Not when his ex girlfriends flirt with him or when other women hang around him and touch flirtatiously on him in public or when his mother disrespects me. My husband should be my biggest defender, like I am his. No one is allowed to disrespect my husband to me and I should get the same treatment from him. **RandomGuySaysBro Replied to OOP** >I hate to point this out, but him not defending you and allowing all of these things is disrespect. You blame MIL, you blame his ex girlfriends, you blame other women flirting, and see it all as disrespectful, but gloss over your husband's role. He not just failing to defend you, he's actively participating in how you're feeling. I'm not even going to stress on the implied infidelity, but ficus on your child situation, though. &#x200B; >Let's recap, then I'm going to share a hard life lesson from an old person... He knows his mother is awful. He knows how she treats you. He knows how she treats kids. He knows she won't respect you, and will endanger your son with her neglect. He knows all of that. He is fully, completely aware of everything, and he doesn't care. Your happiness doesn't matter. Your son's safety doesn't matter. All that matters is his weird mission to maintain the illusion of a happy, healthy relationship with his mom and family. He'll dismiss, challenge and fight anything that doesn't fit into that pretend narrative that he has the bestest mommy that ever mommied in mommy town. &#x200B; >I can relate to this very hard, because that's what we do when we're abandoned and neglected. We chase after all the needs that aren't being met, then build a weird fantasy where we can meet out own emotional needs. We create a narrative where it's normal to see your parents a few times a year, and hear about all the things they've been doing, and why you couldn't be a part of it. We pretend that everything is okay, so out school friends won't realize that there's something very off about the weird kid's home life. It's a trauma response. An unhealthy, maladaptive trauma response. &#x200B; >I chased my mom until I was in my 30s, and finally realized something important - she didn't exist. This woman I had been chasing, defending, pretending, making excuses for was living entirely in my imagination. She was the mom I wished I had, and probably deserved, but she was imaginary. She was the band aid I had put over Sheila (fake name) so she looked like mom instead of a narcissistic con artist, and delusional sneak thief. Mom is a magical being that loves unconditionally, and always has the nest intentions. She can do no wrong. Sheila (still fake) is a flaky, self centered bitch who uses people up and moves on like a parasite. &#x200B; >It takes a lot of therapy, and a "last straw" moment to break that trauma response. It might not ever happen. Until it does, though, here's your very hard lesson from an old person: Your job is to protect you kids, from any and all threats to their safety. Sometimes that means protecting them from the enablers that would expose them to dangerous people. Your husband is an enabler. His reasons may be tragic, but that doesn't change the facts. He is like a man who wants his child to go pet the dog that bit him, then will act shocked and make excuses when the dog bites them, too. You need to accept that he's part of the problem, no matter how hard that is to face.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My MIL dotes on my son but wants to act like I don’t exist

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14v3br3/my_mil_dotes_on_my_son_but_wants_to_act_like_i/

14v81xe

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Impossible-Ad8586 **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!racism, family conflict !< mood spoilers: >!uncertainty, hope, reconciliation!<   [**AITAH for wanting to leave my boyfriend for something his parents said?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14js0w9/aitah_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Jun 26, 2023 So, I 26 Female(black) and my boyfriend 32 male(white) have been dating for about 5 months now and he is honestly the best thing that ever happened to me. He is the first guy who’s ever made me consider marriage and starting a family. I did love him. Now to the story. Last weekend, was his mom’s 60th birthday and my boyfriend was gonna go to the birthday party. He thought it would be a nice occasion for him to introduce me to his family, so he asked me to join him. We let his family know that he was bringing me and they were ok with it. His parent's place is 3 hours away from the city we live in so we decided that we were gonna spend the night. So, we arrived at his parent's place and his mom, dad, brother and sister were there. They hugged me while greeting me and I honestly thought they were genuinely happy to meet me. It didn’t feel like anything was off. They all seemed like nice people. So we spent the evening talking, and there was a lot of laughter and everything was going great. At around 8 pm, my boyfriend and his brother leave for the airport to pick up a relative of theirs who was flying in for the party. So, I’m left at the house with his mom, dad and sister. I didn’t feel unsafe or anything. They had been nice to me the whole time. I had left my phone charging in the room we were gonna sleep in so I excuse myself to go check if I had any important messages or calls. There weren’t any so it didn’t take long. I start heading back to the living room and as I’m walking back, I hear them talking then his mom asks ‘So, what do think about her?’ I immediately knew they were talking about me and I honestly wanted to know what my potential in-laws thought about me so I stopped and listened. His dad says; ‘she’s nice!’ His sister agrees with him and adds; ‘she’s pretty too!’ Then his mom say something that immediately made me sick to my stomach. She says; ‘Yeah if only she wasn’t a fu\*\*\*king N WORD!’ And they all agreed with her. My heart dropped! I tiptoed back to the room and I sat there so confused. I was shaking so much I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to call my boyfriend but I had a weird feeling so I didn’t. I felt so alone and unsafe. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone around me, not even my boyfriend. I live in Canada and people here are not as open with their racism as in other places. Which in my opinion, is much more scary. Now at that moment, the only people I could think of asking for help were my sisters. One of my sisters lives in the US and the other one is in Canada but in a different Province. They both live far away so there is nothing they could have done to help me at that moment but I felt like they are the only people I could trust. We have a WhatsApp group chat so I sent them a message telling them what happened. I have lived in Canada for a couple of years but it’s not easy to make trustworthy friends here. Canada is a lonely place. I have met a lot of people but I don’t feel like any of them are my friends. If you are an immigrant in Canada, you probably understand what I mean. Anyway back to the story. So my sisters were like, you need to find a way to get out of there immediately. They tell me to make up an excuse saying I had an emergency and needed to leave. I stayed in the room for some time scared to death! It took everything in me not to start crying. After I had collected my thoughts and calmed down, I did what my sisters told me to do. I hadn’t unpacked my bag yet and luckily, we brought my car cause it’s fuel efficient compared to my boyfriend's. I took my bag and car keys and passed the living room in a rush saying something came up and I had to leave. I didn’t give them a chance to ask any questions. I just got in my car and drove away. It was getting late and I wasn’t in the right state of mind to drive back home. I just wanted to get as far away as possible before stopping at a hotel for the night. My boyfriend had called me a couple of times. I called him back but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what had happened so I gave him the same excuse I gave his parents. He asked if he should come home as well and I told him it wasn’t necessary. I went home the next day and my boyfriend showed up at my apartment a few hours later. I looked at him and it felt like all the love I had for him had just disappeared. Though I acted like everything was fine, I wondered if he was racist too. He had been so great during our whole relationship. I never once felt like he had any racist thoughts or feelings. But I can’t help but think about how his family made me believe they were nice people and I keep wondering if he’s also just pretending to like me. We don’t live together but my lease is ending in July. He owns his place so I was supposed to move in with him after my lease ended but I have managed to get out of moving in with him. I don’t feel like I love him anymore. It’s been 3 days now since we got back from his parent’s place and I want to end things with him without it causing any trouble but I’m really scared. I wanna tell him what happened but I’m scared of finding out that he’s racist as well. I don’t know how he’s going to react. Maybe I’m overthinking this but there are so many stories of women getting murdered by their partners and I’m scared that I could end up killed too. I guess I’m imagining the worst-case scenario and I’m judging him based on his parent's actions and not his. But I am genuinely scared. Even if he isn’t racist, his family is! And if we stay together, no matter how much I try to avoid his family, there are still gonna be situations where I’ll have to interact with them and I don’t think I can ever move past what they said. Please help!   ***Relevant Comments:*** **kileyvvv** >You should talk to him and tell him what his parents said and how it makes you feel. If he cares about you he’ll say/do something to let his family know that language is not acceptable and that racism is not tolerable. However you’ll always thinks of what they said and it may be hard to ignore now that you know what you know. Take some time to figure out if u still want to be in this relationship. **OOP Reply** >I will talk to him but I don’t think the relationship will survive. He and his family seemed close so I can't ask him to cut them out of his life and I don't think I can move past what they said. So I don't see how the relationship can survive. **MissMurderpants** >Op, you should tell him. At least so he knows that if he dates a WoC in the future he better keep her away from his family.Yeah it’s not your job to educate him. I think it’s good to end it by telling him the truth. &#x200B; **IndigoRose2022** >NTA. 5 months isn’t all that long to be dating, so your hesitation about him makes sense. However I think your anxiety may be getting the better of u. I think u should tell him. If he tries to justify or make excuses for what his family said, that’s your answer. But it sounds like over 5 months he’s never given any hint of being racist, so maybe he’s not like his family at all. The other side of it is that you’re right, even if he isn’t racist but his family is, it will still be hard. Only u can decide whether your relationship with him would be worth that. Either way, NTA. **OOP Reply:** >Exactly, I felt like I had no idea who he was. Cause there could be 2 explanations. Either he actually has no idea his family is racist or he knew they are racist and still brought me to their house and then left me there all alone. But they raise him so I don’t think that he didn’t know which only leaves the 2nd option.   [**UPDATE! - AITAH for wanting to leave my boyfriend for something his parents said?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14le2b9/update_aitah_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Wed, June 28, 2023 I couldn't keep up with all the comments but 99.9% of them said to talk to him and so I did. He didn't get all defensive or angry. He just listened to what I had to say and we ended up having a great conversation about it. So! Yesterday we went on a coffee date. Things were a little awkward at first so as soon as we sat down, I just straight up told him what happened. I expressed how much it bothered me that he left me all alone with his racist parents without a warning and how terrified I was. He profusely apologized and said he would talk to them about it and he swore he had no idea that his parents felt this way about black people. I asked him how he didn't know yet he grew up in their homes. They raised him so he surely must have heard some racist comments from them!! He explained to me how during his childhood, all the people in his hometown were white. The neighbourhoods were all white, the kids in his school were all white, and all his teachers were white. So race wasn’t really a topic that ever came up in their home or school or anywhere he went. Everyone was just white! He said his parents have always been very kind-hearted people and those were the people he thought he was bringing me home to. He didn’t think that skin colour was something he had to worry about and it didn't cross his mind that he was bringing a POC to a place that had only had white people. He was truly apologetic for that and said he should have known better. Anyway, we kept talking and he told me about the first time he met a POC in real life. He was 19 years old and he had just moved from his hometown to our city for college. He said he loved meeting people from different places with different cultures and backgrounds and hearing about all their different experiences which reminded me of when we first met. I thought he was really weird cause he would ask me all these questions about my culture and home country. He honestly had so many questions some of which I didn’t even know the answers to! I googled the population of his hometown and according to the 2022 census, 93% of the population is white! So back then, during his childhood, it was probably 100% white. So, I have chosen to believe him cause I guess he thought his parents would have been as open-minded as he was. Some of you might not agree with this decision but I’ve decided to give him a chance to prove himself before ending things with him. But, I pointed out that if he plans to be with me, a black woman, he needs to understand that he cannot turn a blind eye to any discrimination I might face, including discrimination from his own family. I also told him I didn’t expect him to cut ties with his family but it’s gonna take a while to salvage my relationship with them and that I'm not yet ready to hear an apology from them. He agreed to this and promised to pay better attention and reassured me that he was on my side. I don't know if he has already spoken to his parents but this morning I woke up to an apology DM from his sister and the dots connected. In her message, she stated that she was shocked to hear her mother's words and that she doesn't believe in that. She just agreed with her cause it was her mother and she didn’t know what to do at the moment. His sister is attending college in our city so I had met her a couple of times before. Like maybe 3 or 4 times so I’m thinking she was the one who gave their parents the heads up. She and I weren’t that close but the few times we've met, I didn't feel any hint of racism we were always civil with each other. Anyway, I still haven't responded to her message and I don't think I’m going to for now. I don't even know what to say to her. As for my boyfriend and I, I believe we and I had a meaningful conversation. I'm still not moving in with him but I think we might be able to maybe work things out. We might not pick up where we left off but I know we can get back to where we were if we both put in the work.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITAH for wanting to leave my boyfriend for something his parents said?

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14v81xe/aitah_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend_for/

14vag3m

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SunflowerHarel **AITAH For walking out of my birthday party** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13jirmt/for_walking_out_of_my_birthday_party/) **May 16, 2023** So didn’t think I’d (32f) be posting on this site so soon after my first but just needed to vent really. So last week some of my old buddies from high school messaged me and said they wanted to get together and celebrate my birthday. I was at first hesitant because I don’t go out and hate parties especially for myself. I usually just have a family gathering such as a BBQ and only invite my two closest friends. I used to be close to my high school buddies back in the day but obviously as we get older and more responsibilities we lose contact. All of us are in our 30s now and probably only message each other once in a blue moon. My friend Cheri (31f) was the one to message me first and then was invited to a group chat where all my old buddies joined in and everyone agreed this’ll be a good little get together and for everyone to get re-acquainted. I finally agreed since it’ll just be old buddies and I did miss everyone. Sadly my best friend wasn’t able to join because of medical reasons. Anyway I went to my friends Cheri’s house and everything seemed ok. It was just a potluck with minimal alcohol, I don’t like drinking. But Cheri’s family seemed to be invited. It didn’t bothering me initially because I kept to myself and caught up with everyone. As the party went on, I started to get uncomfortable as more people showed up and with alcohol but Cheri told me they were just going to hang in the basement and her family invited them over but decided to leave sooner than I was planning and told Cheri this. I figured I was there for a while and needed to head back to the kids. I have two foster kids who my sister was babysitting. Well Cheri flipped and said we hadn’t done presents yet. And I admit I love presents so I got excited. First eveyone started handing me packages and some I was genuinely thoughtful and I appreciated it. But then Cheri handed me a box. I thought nothing of it but when I opened the lid and looked in. I slammed it shut and tried to discreetly move the box away but then Cheri grabbed from my hands and dumped the contents. It was filled with condoms and sex toys. So the thing about me is that I’m asexual and I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone. I had to go to therapy to learn this about myself and accept it as my normal. I tried dating and even kissed a guy once but didn’t feel nothing. I let everyone know at the end of my highschool year and they seemed accepting. They’ve been trying to set me with boys then with girls when that didn’t work out. I’ve been single my whole life and haven’t been intimate and I’m happy. I just need my family and my friends. It took me a while to accept this but I’m happy now. But Cheri thought it wasn’t normal and convinced everyone that this was an ‘intervention’. All the people who showed up and went to the basement were people willing to date me. And they didn’t mind that I was a butch woman. I’m a journey woman for heavy duty mechanics with short hair and I go to the gym often so muscles. So I panicked and I was pissed. I stood up, not saying a word, no one seemed to notice. Everyone seemed too excited to start introducing me to the ‘contestants’, their words not mine. And I just walked out. Went home, called my sister and asked if the litttle ones can stay overnight. Was pissed when I got home so didn’t want the little ones to be in a bad atmosphere. Then rolled a joint and chilled in my backyard with my dog. My phone was blowing up from everyone from the party. But just didn’t want to deal. Didn’t want to say anything from the heat of the moment. This has been a few days ago, I still haven’t messaged anyone from the party. I blocked them. Haven’t told my family (they might agree with them and I’m worried)and haven’t told my best friend, her medical issues got worse and don’t want to worry her. Just wanted to rant and maybe some advice on how to handle this mess. I live in a small city and don’t know anyone else who has the same lifestyle. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13lwyeq/update_walking_out_of_my_birthday_party/) **May 19, 2023** So thought everyone would like an update and maybe clarify some things. So a few days have passed and I’ve been keeping to myself mostly. Taking the kids and dogs out for walks now the weather is warmer and I admit just kinda avoiding everything. I didn’t message anyone or tell anything to anyone, basically ignored my phone the whole time. Then suddenly my best friend burst into my home and scared the crap out of me. Apparently she heard what happened and has been trying to call me but obviously I haven’t been answering. She convinced the doctors to give her a day pass so she can leave for the day to check up on me so that made me feel more guilt. My best friend sadly didn’t win the genetic lottery and has a number of health problems since she was 12 so her going and being in the hospital isn’t new and the doctors and nurses trust her when she feels healthy enough to leave. So we went out to the back and I explained what happened and she was pissed. I then asked her how she found out because I was scared that what happened was spreading and others knew as well. But she showed me her phone. Cheri apparently messaged her and starting ranting how my best friend Tia (32f) ‘stole’ her best friend and it was her fault I don’t hang out with her anymore. But I never actually hung out with her alone when we were in high school and I only really talk at school so I don’t know why she thinks I’m her best friend of all people. We decided we didn’t want to deal with this brand of crazy and blocked her everywhere. I also took some advice and finally messaged the group and explained that I no longer wanted to be associated with people who thought they can change me to suit their own narrative and how hurt I was. Then promptly left the group. Tia stayed the whole day with me and invited one other close friend, James (36m) who wasn’t part of the party to come over. And we hung out in my backyard while the kids played outside. Also both james and tia told me some people of the group messaged them asking to talk to me and explain there side which I agreed. Only three people of the group came and explained that Cheri told them that I was interested in finally dating and the reason why I didn’t date was because I was traumatized from my father walking out when I was a kid. They thought they would go to the party for emotional support and didn’t think the rest of the events would happen. They even brought the thoughtful gifts I was given that I left behind at the party. I forgave them because I was closer to them and didn’t think they were lying. But others from the party agreed with Cheri and thought I was rude for walking out and didn’t agree that I was asexual. So they’ll remain blocked. My friends ordered Chinese and after the kids were put to bed we watched Avatar 2 and James even went out and got a small cake. So I know everything will be fine. Don’t need a ton of friends just the few I have is more than enough. Also to answer one question I think I saw in one of the comments. My siblings are all supportive and know I’m asexual. I think my mom is a product of her time and just doesn’t understand. She’ll make comments about how I’ll find the right one and I can’t wait to see her future grandkids and such but she doesn’t push it when I remind her it might not be biological grandkids. Thanks for all the comments and advice. It’s been every therapeutic! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH For walking out of my birthday party

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14vag3m/aitah_for_walking_out_of_my_birthday_party/

14vjfvl

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Spirited-Willow-3110 **AITA For Not Letting My Sister Walk Down The Aisle At My Wedding** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **Special thanks to u/Screaming-Harpy & u/Sweet_Item_Drops for help on the Relevant Comments** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14mlj2k/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_walk_down_the/) **June 30, 2023** I, (29F) am getting married to the love of my life (30M) in a few months. We were highschool lovers, and childhood friends. He’s truly my best friend and everything I want in life. However, we both decided to wait until we were well off to be married, so we could have our once in a lifetime magical moment. My sister, “Stacy” (21F) got married at 19 to someone who I like, but I’m not super close with. They were together for 5 months before he proposed. Their wedding was rushed, and half our family couldn’t even make it because of how soon it was planned and set up. It was small, and just in a courtroom. No dress, party, etc, just a legal wedding. However, my wedding is around 19K, and we haven’t even finished everything. It took us ages to set everything up, and save. Stacy recently came up to me while coming over (were close, and have dinner once a week at my place) and asked if she could walk down MY aisle and meet her husband, so she could “feel like a bride”. I laughed and asked if she was serious and she was… She claims she never got her magic moment, and just wants to feel special once. But… it’s MY wedding and MY special day, she had hers. Stacy claims it will only be between us, and it won’t take away from me, but then I asked what she might wear and she showed me pictures on her phone of WEDDING DRESSES. Hard no for me. She then asked AGAIN yesterday in front of my fiancé, and I think it was an attempt to pressure me, he laughed and said no, thinking it was a joke, like I did the first time. My mother and Stacy’s husband say I’m being an asshole because Stacy still isn’t rich, so she can’t afford another wedding even if she wanted one, but neither are me and my future husband. We just planned for YEARS. I just wanted one day for myself, but maybe I’m blowing it up because she never got the “bridal experience”. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENT** Artistic-Arugula-571 >NTA AT ALL! >For anyone missing out on OPs comments, here is a summary: - Stacy was born after the mother had a miscarriage so mother has always favored her (OP is in therapy now) - OPs father died recently of cancer - OPs grandmother died and left OP and Stacy with money. OP put it towards savings and her apartment while Stacy spent the money on partying, nice dorms and clothing as well as paying for college. - Stacy dropped out of college to become a housewife (no she doesn’t have any kids) - When OP bought a home Stacy asked to HAVE the apartment OP owned - Stacy asks OP and their mother money for hundreds of dollars a month in groceries and other expenses - the wedding dress that Stacy is planning on wearing down the aisle costs $500-$2000 but Stacy can’t afford a wedding fist and OP even had to pay for her hotel even though she only lives 1-2 hours away - Stacy has refused to help OP with anything wedding related, going to pick out flowers, taste food - Stacy’s husband has been messaging OPs husband almost daily about this - it’s always been OPs dream to have this big wedding >In my opinion: OP seems very considerate and really does care for her sister. On the other hand I believe Stacy is walking all over OP — Stacy cannot afford a gift, has to have a hotel for the wedding within driving distance from her house but OP needs to pay for it, asks OP and her mother to give her hundreds of dollars monthly but at the last time can afford a $500-$2000 dress? I understand that it can be difficult to see your sister struggle but the support OP has been providing her isn’t helping her. I believe Stacy needs tough love, provide her the same support as now but please cut off any financial support, whether that is monetary or itemized. Stacy had free college that she chose to drop out of, Stacy chose to have a small wedding; Stacy chose to be a housewife. These chores are not OPs fault or responsibility to assist with. OP, your wedding is your dream. You have spent years saving up and probably years planning. You are not selfish to want it to be about you. You deserve a day where you are recognized and it’s all about you. Also, please have a backup plan if your sister comes in a wedding dress - ex. Let her know, if you come in a wedding dress or pull any shenanigans I will have one of my fiancés friends kick you out. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14p4tf8/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_walk_down/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 3, 2023** Hello everyone, I just wanted to post an update on the situation with my sister, Stacy. I’m not sure how to add links to my old post, but I will try to find out. The day after I made the post, me, my fiancé, Stacy, and her husband met up for brunch. I told her she needed to hear me out fully, before she spoke, and thankfully she did. In short, I told her as much as I love her, I’ve waited years for this day, and it was MINE. She had hers, and if she truly wanted she could have used the money I gifted her to get her own wedding. Her husband to cut me off and say that they needed the money for rent, but she didn’t let him talk. I showed her the Reddit post, and she started crying, and asked her husband and my fiancé to step out for a few minutes. They both did, and she told me her husband and our mom had been the ones pressuring her, since she had admittedly been jealous, and told them both she wished she could have a larger scale wedding. She said she had been over the whole thing, until her husband started saying it wasn’t fair because HE was jealous he couldn’t provide for her, and eventually complained enough she asked to walk down the aisle for him. Stacy said she was willing to fully back out of the wedding, and would understand given the heartache she’s given me, but I told her that her husband would be the one without an invite, which she gratefully agreed to. We talked more in depth on why she was jealous, and she said she regretted being married so early just so our father could be at her wedding. After a few more minutes and both of us crying and forgiving one another, I told her she could always tell me anything, even if it was between her and her husband. When my fiancé and her husband came back in, I told Stacy’s husband he was uninvited, right then and there, and he seemed to understand why immediately, though he did groan about it, and call me multiple times, but I blocked him. (Again) Over the past few days, our mother has called to apologize, and me and Stacy have been talking much more openly and honestly to one another. I decided to let her wear a dark silver or pale gold dress (to match my theme) and walk WITH me down the aisle, as my father sadly can’t. She told me I didn’t need to, but I insisted. (We ended up finding a dress we both love, and I got it as a gift for her) Thank you all for the support and kind words! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **The-Additional-Pylon** >Very nice update. I was just curious though, how are you dealing with your mother? **OOP replied** >She apologized, but since my father isn’t with us anymore, I’m letting her attend, because I don’t think I would be able to handle having both parents missing. * **TopBug5766** >You’re such an amazingly, gracious woman. When I initially read your post, it stuck with me all day because I was so bothered by the position you were put in during such a special time in your life. I’m so happy to read such a sweet update and truly hope your relationship with your sister continues to grow stronger after this. >I am curious, did her husband apologize or offer any explanation for his actions? Also, what did your mom have to say about her part in the whole thing? Does she truly understand how tacky it was to even suggest such a thing? **OOP replied** >He didn’t apologize, though to be fair I didn’t let him, because I blocked him after he called the first three times after brunch. Our mother felt guilty, and says she knows it’s wrong and she’s going to try and grow from this, and that’s really all I can ask. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA For Not Letting My Sister Walk Down The Aisle At My Wedding

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14vjfvl/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_walk_down_the/

14w1dio

**I am NOT OP. Original post on Ask A Manager** trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!empowerment, setting boundaries, resolution!<   [**My needy boss wants me to “adopt” her**](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/01/my-needy-boss-wants-me-to-adopt-her.html) \- JANUARY 7, 2020 My manager, Wanda, is a director about five years younger than I am (I’m 63, also a woman). She has been with our employer for over 20 years, is extremely good at what she does, is fiercely loyal to her staff, and possesses a wealth of knowledge and insight about our specific work unit and about government in general. She is also emotionally juvenile, totally self-focused, extremely needy, has never had any kind of a romantic relationship in her life, and her COMPLETELY PERFECT parents gave her a COMPLETELY PERFECT childhood that left her unable to trust any man outside her own family. I am no expert, but I’d wager that a good psychiatrist could probably get at least two or three dissertations’ worth of material out of her. Not that she’d ever consult one, since she is COMPLETELY PERFECT. At the time I was hired, Wanda was going through some rough times. She had spent her entire adult life living at home caring for her elderly parents, who were both in fragile health and nearing the ends of their lives, so she was under tremendous stress. I had lost my parents some years previously, and I tend to be the empathetic and nurturing sort. I also did not realize at that point just how messed up Wanda was emotionally. I made the huge mistake of trying to be supportive as she dealt with caring for her parents during their final illnesses. I encouraged her to chat about books and theater, invited her to join my spouse (he/him) and me for a couple of concerts, and even invited her to a family Christmas meal the year her second parent died. Understand, she does have family nearby. She has one brother who she barely tolerates and a sister who she adores. The sister and her husband were out of town that year for Christmas and she didn’t want to go to her brother’s celebration, so she hinted and hinted until I finally broke down. It made for a fairly awkward gathering, as our family is quite ribald and rowdy while she is considerably more circumspect, and she made no secret of the fact that our typical holiday was not what she was accustomed to – but she continued to hint for more invitations afterward anyway. I have worked very hard since then to ignore the hints, which, several years later, are still being dropped on a near-constant basis. I have extended no more invitations to family celebrations and have worked with other family members to shift hosting duties elsewhere (because if I am not hosting, then I’m not in charge of the guest list). I have limited outside-the-office contact to a once-a-year concert and a couple of dinners. My spouse thinks even that is too much, and I don’t disagree. However, given that Wanda is my boss, I also don’t know quite how to completely exclude her without repercussions. A few weeks ago, she came to my cubicle in a flood of tears with the news that her adored sister is “selfishly” moving across the country to live closer to her children. She sobbed that she is being abandoned and that I need to “adopt” her because she won’t have any family that she likes in the area any more. She expects to be included in family gatherings, all concert and theater plans, and also made it clear that she’d like to go with us on vacations. The absolute last thing in the world that I want to do is to “adopt” my needy, clingy boss and include her in every single non-work activity I engage in. It would unquestionably end my marriage, and quite possibly drive me to suicide. I can’t afford to take early retirement, and at my age, I’d never land another job in my profession at my current income. Going to HR is out of the question because there is no such thing in my workplace as confidential reporting. Firing people is nearly impossible due to the civil service system, so I am not concerned about that, but in her position as my boss, she could very easily make my work life intolerable. She has done so to others in our section who angered her (such as by going to HR with a complaint). Do you have any suggestions for how I can establish appropriate boundaries at this stage of the game? Or am I just stuck providing emotional support to this woman until one or the other of us either retires or dies? *Allison's advice has been removed. However, you can still access the link to read it and other comments on the story."* &#x200B; [**Update: My needy boss wants me to “adopt” her**](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/05/update-my-needy-boss-wants-me-to-adopt-her.html) \- MAY 6, 2020 Alison, thanks so very much for responding to my letter, and many thanks also to all the readers who shared their insights. Both your observations and those of the commentariat were immensely helpful, and while Wanda is still Wanda, I feel as though I have gained a measure of control in handling the situation. As I read and reread the replies to my letter, I realized that a big part of the issue for me has been that while Wanda makes herself very, very clear about what she wants, she does so with passive-aggressive manipulation tactics rather than by outright asking for things. And because I had a parent who did the same thing (and on whose account I spent a number of years in therapy), I am rather more susceptible to that approach than I’d like to be. Your comments, and those of your readers, were incredibly useful in helping me realize how deeply I had gotten pulled back into the same kind of unhealthy relationship that had caused me so much angst when I was young. The first thing I did was to sit down with my husband and explain the whole thing to him. I wanted him to know that I was going to start setting limits with Wanda, and that part of the limit-setting would involve casting him in the role of a hopeless romantic who insists on lots of couples-only time. Once we both stopped howling with laughter – which took a while, because Bob is just about as romantic as a box of hammers – he readily agreed to take the heat for me. He’s a good guy. So when I put in my vacation request for this summer and Wanda asked archly “and where are we going this year,” I chuckled ruefully and said, “Bob is such a romantic that he insists on us taking a ‘mini-moon’ together every year and he doesn’t want anyone to know where we’re going, even our kids.” She pushed a little, even to the point of saying she could easily take that same week off, but I basically took the approach you suggested, treating it as a joke, which worked quite well. Then of course the pandemic came along and we had to cancel our plans – but if it worked once, it’ll work again. When I started planning a ticket purchase for an autumn concert series that Bob and I always attend with friends, one that Wanda also likes and used to attend with her sister who moved out of state, I offered to include her for the one performance that we take a large group to. She immediately replied “yes, I’ll go with you for that one, and then you can go with me to all the rest,” to which I responded “oh, the rest of the series are dates for Bob and me – such a romantic old guy he is, still wanting go out on dates with his wife.” She pushed a little, but blaming it all on someone else, and especially on someone who is a man, was quite effective. She pretty much already assumes that all men are scoundrels whose only goal is to thwart and frustrate her anyway. Redirection and deflection have been useful tools as well. A couple of months ago, Wanda stopped by my desk one afternoon and complained, “My stupid brother wants me to give my mother’s ring to his obnoxious stepdaughter at their Easter dinner, she’s so greedy that she’ll probably go pawn it, I really, really don’t want to go to their place for Easter, I really, really wish I had someplace else to go for the holiday, it would be SOOOO nice if only someone else would invite me to their Easter dinner.” I just replied, “Hey, did you hear that Fergus in Legal sent back his edits on that policy document we drafted on llama-herding? He completely changed the meaning of the middle section, and we’ll be in violation of the llama management ordinance if the guidance is released that way.” That produced a very predictable response, one that successfully kept the topic of Easter dinner out of the conversation for the rest of the day. It takes a bit of planning to keep a distraction like that ready in my back pocket, so to speak, but there’s always some new crisis or controversy looming in our organization, so it’s not all that huge of a stretch. And it has been well worthwhile in terms of deflecting Wanda’s attempts to manipulate me into including her in my personal life. The pandemic has honestly helped the situation, too, strange though that may sound. As stressful and horrifying and tragic as the pandemic is, the social distancing requirement has been a godsend in helping me establish and maintain a healthier degree of emotional distance. For example, it is essentially impossible at our workplace to get away from Wanda. Even though she is considered a mid-level executive and is eligible for a private office, she insists on having a desk right out in the middle of the cube farm “to be close to her people” – which translates to being up in everyone’s business at all times. When we went to telecommuting, however, that all changed, because we’re all scattered to our own homes and Wanda can’t do the kind of spontaneous drop-by meeting where she traps a hapless victim in their cubicle and babbles at them for half the afternoon. We don’t do video meetings either, thank goodness, and it’s downright amazing how much more work I can produce in a day now. There are still phone conferences, of course, but for some reason, whenever the phone rings, my dog wakes up and insists on going out for a potty break. It’s so odd, I can’t seem to talk for more than five or ten minutes – just long enough to cover the business purpose for the call but no longer – and the minute Wanda goes off on another rant about Easter dinner with her horrible brother, Daisy starts whining at the door and I have to end the call to take her outside. Of course I know that at some point, we’ll all be back in the office again, and I have no doubt that Wanda will resume her spontaneous drop-by meetings and her passive-aggressive attempts to manipulate me into “adopting” her. But with the insights I’ve gained from AAM, I expect to have no trouble at all in keeping the Oblivious Meter™ set to MAXIMUM CLUELESS and just let that manipulation roll right off my back. Thank you again, Alison, for your help in joggling me out of the unhealthy place I had allowed myself to be pulled back to! Take care, be well, and stay away from those immersion blenders!   [**NEW UPDATE : My needy boss wants me to “adopt” her**](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/03/update-my-needy-boss-wants-me-to-adopt-her-2.html) \- MARCH 6, 2023 What a surprise to see this pop up again! It’s been a long three years. Our work unit remained fully remote for over a year, which was glorious. Productivity soared, and even though my unit’s workloads skyrocketed during the pandemic, we managed to meet our objectives accurately and timely. And remote work – plus Bob and Daisy – continued to be integral in helping me dodge Wanda and her demands for friendship. In mid-2021, our unit was required to go to a hybrid schedule of two days in-office and three days remote each week. I wasn’t enthused about that, but the good thing was that our in-office days were staggered so that our team was not all there at the same time – and miraculously, my assigned in-office days were different from Wanda’s. So even though I’d far rather still be 100% remote, the fact that I didn’t need to deal with Wanda in person made things more tolerable. The needy, demanding calls continued, of course. Wanda is a desperately lonely person, and that desperation pushes her to great lengths in her attempts to find – or force – friendships with others, including her own staff. But that Oblivious Meter just stayed stuck on MAXIMUM CLUELESS, no matter how hard she hinted, and I was able to keep healthy boundaries in place. You’ve probably noticed the past tense by now. About a year after we returned to hybrid work, Wanda’s sister was diagnosed with a serious illness. The sister’s husband and adult children were struggling with caregiving, plus Wanda was in a tizzy because she was so far away. So she took early retirement last fall, sold her house, and moved to the city where her sister lives. I still occasionally hear from her. I mostly let the calls go to voicemail nowadays, and then reply by email a day or two later. I keep my tone friendly but not solicitous, and I maintain hard limits on what I share about myself and my family. I am fully aware that I don’t have to interact with her at all, but I genuinely feel sorry for her. While I can’t solve her problems, I can be kind. And ultimately I think the world would be a better place if more of us brought kindness to our interactions with others. I am still working fulltime, though I am in active planning mode for my own retirement in the next six to nine months. I’m writing reams and reams of process manuals, updating policy documents, training others in my unit, and have been asked to be on the search committee for my replacement later this year. Bob, my very beloved and romantic-as-a-box-of-hammers husband, retired in January, and is impatiently awaiting my retirement date so that we can head off on our long-planned meander around the country. After Wanda moved to live near her sister, he reworked our itinerary to circumnavigate that region of the country to prevent any possible encounters, with my enthusiastic support. He’s especially looking forward to being away from the landline; since I don’t own (or want) a cellphone, Wanda won’t have any way to call me once Bob and I hit the road together. That is definitely a major advantage to my cellphone-less state. And Daisy the Wonderdog is still the goodest good girl ever, truly a sanity-saver. She even forgave me for exaggerating the frequency of her potty trips to get out of Wanda’s interminable phone calls. Everyone should have a Daisy the Wonderdog in their life. Thanks to all for your comments, and be safe out there!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My needy boss wants me to “adopt” her [NEW UPDATE]

EXTERNAL

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14w1dio/my_needy_boss_wants_me_to_adopt_her_new_update/

14w3o9o

**I am OP. Original post by u/Sylph_Co in r/Aww** trigger warnings: >!Pet Death!< mood spoilers: >!Sad, but hopeful.!< --- &nbsp; [**My cat and I are both 22. Every time I left for college, I would say goodbye not knowing if he would still be around when I got back. I graduate next weekend. He made it. I love you, Yellow.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/ulf7d3/my_cat_and_i_are_both_22_every_time_i_left_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - May 2022 My cat and I are both 22. Every time I left for college, I would say goodbye not knowing if he would still be around when I got back. I graduate next weekend. He made it. I love you, Yellow. Image Description: A young woman in a graduation cap and gown, holding a very old looking yellow cat, cradled like a baby in her arms. &nbsp; [**Yellow's Story**] (https://www.reddit.com/user/Sylph_Co/comments/yxy1ll/yellows_story/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Posted to user profile November 2022 Hello Reddit! It is I, Sylph_Co! Aka the girl with the cat the same age as her. I have gotten a few requests for an update on Yellow. I'm aware that I have gone viral on various other platforms since my original post, most recently Twitter. I have seen a few comments on there wanting to know how he is doing now. Since this is on my personal page, I'm not sure how many will end up seeing this, but I figured there was no better place. My sweet Yellow passed away a few weeks after my original post. He made it to graduation weekend and was around for the celebrations. He hadn't been doing all that well in the months leading up to it, so unfortunately as much as it broke our hearts, we made the decision to let him go. I was given the day off of work to spend time with my family and him. He got plenty of love and treats. Yellow lived a very long wonderful life. I wanted to share a bit of his story. My parents bought a plot of land in 2004. When they did, they had no idea it came with an added bonus, a cat. Yellow was a stray who had been living off the land for quite some time. Oddly, he was fixed. I'm aware of catch and release programs for feral cats, but Yellow didn't have anything that signified he was a part of a program like that. In the area we lived in, the middle of nowhere, it was unfortunately common for people to abandon pets there. My family cared for several cats over the years. So while we will never know for sure, we assumed he had been abandoned. I was 4, and was of course obsessed with the giant yellow kitty that was hanging around all the time. I kept pointing at him and calling him a "Yellowie Cat", so that is where his full name came from. Yellowie. Yellow was taken to the vet in 2005, and was estimated to be between 5 and 10 years old. We ended up assuming the lowest number as time went on. He was officially part of the family. Yellow loved food. He was obsessed. His oddest obsession was cheese. If I ever left any food with cheese unattended, he would immediately steal it. Mac and cheese was his absolute favorite thing to steal, but it was hard to ever be angry with him. Yellow was a pretty boy and he knew it. He loved attention and loved being brushed. When we brushed him he would spin in circles to make sure he was "even". If you were not giving him enough attention, he would hook his paw around your hand and pull you to him to pet him. Yellow's biggest challenge happened a few years after we adopted him. He was hit by a car. He would have died, had the lady driving not acted quickly. She scooped him up, and carried him to our door, asking if he belonged to us and apologizing profusely. I'm grateful for her every day. She hit him, but that could have happened to anyone. A lot of people would have just left him there, but she saved his life. I wish every day I could thank her and let her know he survived. If you somehow end up seeing this, I hope you do not feel bad about what happened. Thank you for saving my boy. He woke up while we were on the phone with the vet and wandered over to his food bowl to start eating, despite having multiple serious injuries. He made a full recovery, only losing a few teeth, and having a permanent white tuft of fur on his head where the vet had to put a staple. After that incident, he became strictly an indoor cat, though he did protest. Yellow was with us through it all. He was my entire childhood, I have very few memories of times before he was in my life. Yellow survived being abandoned, getting hit by a car, and he lived through a pandemic. The night after he passed, I had a dream where my Grandma told me that she would take care of him. It was very comforting. A few months after his passing, I finally got an apartment that allowed pets, and I decided to go adopt a cat. When I got there, this massive cat escaped the cat room and came up to me. He was a stray that had been picked up off the street, and unfortunately had an injured paw and lost a toe as a result. He had been there the longest. Maybe it's silly, but I felt like Yellow had lead him to me in a way. I knew this sweet boy needed my help. I named him Thunderstorm, because his gray fur with black markings reminded me of a storm cloud. I named yet another cat after their fur color. I guess some things never change. :p Thunder will know nothing but love for the rest of his life, just like Yellow. It makes me very happy that the photo of him continues to be shared all over. My goal for even posting in the first place was for him to be remembered, and now the abandoned stray from the middle of nowhere is remembered by many all over the world. From South Africa to Russia. It's amazing how many responses I've seen. Thank you for all of the love my family has gotten. I compiled a bunch of positive reddit comments and put them together into a scrapbook with a bunch of photos of Yellow. The kindness of all of you helped us get through the heartbreak. Hug your fur babies close for me, okay? They might only be with us for a small part of our lives, but we are their entire life. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am the original poster.**

My cat was the same age as me and made it to my college graduation.

CONCLUDED

Sylph_Co

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14w3o9o/my_cat_was_the_same_age_as_me_and_made_it_to_my/

14w9wv7

**I am not The OOP, OOP** is u/midliferapper **OOP has since deleted his account** **AITA for telling my mother she was being childish over my wife falling asleep half naked in her living room?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/11hqdwp/aita_for_telling_my_mother_she_was_being_childish/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 4, 2023** Ok so my wife and I are visiting my mother this week. She and I don’t have a good relationship with my mother but due to some recent stuff going on in our lives, my wife said she wanted to maybe try to mend that relationship and I agreed and reached out to her and scheduled a visit. The first day went pretty well, as did yesterday. Then last night we were sleeping in the guest room, and heard the baby crying and my wife got up to get him. So here’s what happened: she was wearing a t-shirt and underwear when she got up to take care of the baby, then she took off her shirt to feed the baby, put the baby back down, then she just lied on the floor of the living room and fell asleep without putting her shirt back on (she was essentially just sleepwalking). My mother woke me up this morning and told me that my wife was on the living room floor in just her bottoms and seemed extremely offended she did that and told me to get her that instant. I woke her up and got her her shirt back, and we went back to the room where she got dressed. She was really embarrassed and told my mother she was sorry, but my mother wouldn’t let it go and kept going on about how she couldn’t believe she did that while we were guests in her house, and I told her she was being extremely childish since she had to raise a baby before too and should know how hectic it can be. This made her very angry and led to a pretty intense argument that ended with us getting our things and leaving. My wife is really embarrassed and feels really bad, and I’m pissed. I get that it was her house we were staying at but for Christs sake, my wife just had a baby and has been working her ass off taking care of him. AITA? tl;dr: my wife and I were staying at my mother’s house with our infant son, and my wife got up in the middle of the night to feed him and she fell asleep in the middle of the living room only wearing her underwear bottoms, prompting my mother to get really offended and angry and me calling her childish (and us leaving shortly after). EDIT: something I should’ve mentioned in the post, my wife is autistic so she can behave in strange manners sometimes. And yes, my mother knows that. EDIT 2: to clarify, yeah we had the baby’s cot in the living room so she just lied down after putting him down. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Operation009 >Sounds to me like OP's mother never liked his wife and is looking for any reason to berate her. She's exhausted because she's been busting her back to take care of her baby? Don't care, she's childish for sleeping half-dressed! >If your mother continues to treat your wife like this, it's time to start limiting contact. Your wife deserves much better treatment from your in-laws than this. OOP replied >Yeahhhhhh, my mom never really seemed to “get” my wife. The first time they met, my mom was pretty confused by her and even asked me “are you sure you want this?” . hdmx539 >OP, I hope you see my comment. >It's commendable that you want to repair the relationship with your mother. However, there's a reason you two stepped away from her and it's showing it's ugly head yet again. >I suggest you sit down and write down why you were low to no contact, include this incident. Whenever you feel like contact or repairing again, take that list or first and review it and reflect on it knowing your mother won't change. >Then seriously ask yourself if you want to put your wife, and now child, through that again. Not calling your mother an abuser, but I suspect she has a whole litany of toxic and abusive behaviors. Just because she is your mother it doesn't mean you have to put up with it and if completely opposed to no contact, keep her so low contact you only communicate about once or twice a year. I'm serious. >So you really want your child(ren) exposed to such toxicity? >NTA OOP replied >I see you! >Please don’t worry, we have no intention of changing the relationship right now. I fully agree with you that my mother is being toxic and abusive, and all I’ll say is it’s why she and I don’t have a good relationship. >If she decides to reach out and accept our apology for what happened and apologize for being so unreasonable and really embarrassing/upsetting my wife, then we’d have something to consider. Although we’d probably be too busy dealing with hell freezing over to deal with it. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13dfxf2/update_aita_for_telling_my_mother_she_was_being/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 10, 2023** Okay so two months ago I made a post about how my wife, eight month old son, and I visiting my mother’s house where my wife put our son to sleep after feeding him on the first night and was so tired she fell asleep on the floor with her shirt off, which made my mother VERY unhappy and I told her she was being childish and we left. Since then, my mother and I have been able to draw some sort of truce where things are about where they were before (if not a little worse). However, I know a lot of people were concerned about my wife and I just wanted to share something that happened today. So my wife’s stepsister and her 5 y/o daughter are visiting us right now. Last night my wife was watching TV in the living room and our son was in his living room cot, and she fell asleep on the couch with the tv on and the baby asleep. Then she ended up doing the same thing where she woke up in the middle of the night and took her shirt off to fed him and then fell asleep on the couch without her shirt on. This morning her niece was the first one downstairs and she saw my wife and woke her up and was giggling like “aunt [name], you fell asleep without your shirt on!” and then picked up her shirt off the ground and gave it back to her. My wife said she felt very embarrassed and mortified at first but then immediately after she put it back on, her niece quickly moved on to asking about what was for breakfast and the two of them went into the kitchen to talk and make everyone breakfast (and her niece didn’t once mention finding her on the couch without her shirt). My wife told me that it really made her realize just how much of a not big deal the situation with my mother was and how my mother was “just being a baby” and she now feels a lot better about that whole situation I posted about. It’s pretty tragic and hilarious that a fucking five year old child handled the situation with more grace and maturity than my grown ass mother did. Anyway, yeah that made me really happy and I wanted to share it since it probably would make a bunch of others who were worried about her happy too :) **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Educational_Sea_9875 >Is your wife ok? 8 months and still so exhausted that she is passing out naked on living room floors seems a little extreme. I get being tired, babies are exhausting, but I don't remember that level of tired at 8 months with any of my 3. Has she talked to her doctor? With newborns you wake every couple hours, but by 8 months baby should be sleeping a good stretch through the night. Does she nap when she can to catch up on sleep? Does baby sleep a 4-6 hr stretch? Do you get up at night ever? Or can you take the baby for a few hours when you get home so she can have a nap before bedtime? OOP replied >We thought the exact same thing so after that happened, we made sure she was getting good sleep. I do everything I can around the house and my FIL and step MIL have been coming by often to help out when I’m at work to make sure she can take naps and isn’t overly exhausted **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for telling my mother she was being childish over my wife falling asleep half naked in her living room?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14w9wv7/aita_for_telling_my_mother_she_was_being_childish/

14wrn9s

**The original poster is** u/Throwaway_11334 **and posted on** r/offmychest ​ Trigger warning: >!physical and mental abuse, mentions of infidelity!< Mood spoiler: >!infuriating!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14bptqr/i_got_disowned_and_shunned_from_my_family_and/) \- 17 June 2023 I am from Indian/Bengali background. We live in abroad. I have a son who got married a year ago. That day when I called the police, I saw his wife had bruises, black eye, busted lip. It doesn't take a genius to know what happened to her. I asked her and my son whose head was low in guilt. I asked him. "Son, did you do this?" He replied he did. He beat her because she served him cold coffee when he wanted it hot. My daughter-in-law told me she did bring him hot coffee but it got cold while he was talking on the phone. My son said sorry and to never to it again. It wasn't enough. I called the cops on him. He got angry and attacked one of the officers. He is in jail. This news got spread in my community like wild fire and people have been calling me a bad moms. Some told me I am ruining my son's future for something so small. My son will suffer in future because of these allegations. Some told me this is his private matter even as a mother-in-law I shouldn't have interfered. Some told me I should support my son regardless of what he did. After all son's are the star in a mother's eyes. I got a lot of backlash for supporting my daughter-in-law. I have been called names by everyone. They think I am making a big issue out of a small argument. Indian people see domestic violence as taboo. So they do not want to talk about it in the open. My husband told me what I did was wrong. People will shun our family. That's what happened. None of friends talk to me. Even family members kicked me out of the group chat. My family member thinks I should have just given him a warning instead of calling the police. They all think my daughter-in-law must have done something bad for my son to react this way. My own parents think a warning to my son would have been enough. But that is not true. My daughter-in-law said he has been beating her since after 3 months into their marriage. Do I feel guilt for doing it? No. I do not. I do feel sorry I didn't caught this earlier. I do feel like I have failed as a mother because if I did a good job my son would respect women. I just wanted to share this. Because no one from my family or community will ever talk to me if my son goes to prison. Nobody is with me except for my daughter is with me. I know this will be a gossip for a long time. And people will not come forward to help me or my daughter-in-law. I will forever be the back ship. Edit: Thank you everyone. I didn't know I will get these kind of support from you people. I only opened an alt account because I was feeling lonely. Nobody wants to talk to me. This has been a good place to vent. ***Some comments asked OOP about the current situation of her DIL and OOP replied:*** >She is in the process of divorce. That is why they blame me because I destroyed their marriage. ***OOP gave us more insight on DIL's family.*** >They live in Bangladesh. Her mother told her to separate temporarily and then go back to her husband. Her dad is even more strict. No one in their family ever had any divorce so they don't want this shame in their family name. ***OOP posts whereabouts her DIL in a comment:*** >For now she is staying with her friend. She cannot be in my house or any of her relative's house. &#x200B; [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14n0z9j/updatei_got_disowned_and_shunned_from_my_family/) \- 30 June 2023 Hello everyone, thanks for all the awards. A lot of you are asking me for an update. I am not sure this is update worthy but things for me just keeps getting worse. I am still being blamed. My son was bailed out and won't speak to me. He said I broke his trust. That I should be by his side and not support my daughter in law, I broke his trust. My family members are avoiding me. My daughter in law is safe. I talked to her. She said she will go through with the divorce. She has no contact with her parents. Her parents did call me to curse me out that I ruined their daughter's life by filling her head with angry feminist views. It has been hard. My husband and I have not been in good terms. We had fight and between the fight he blurted out he had an affair. This came up because my son was having an affair too. My daughter in law did not like it. This was the main topic and he blurted out he also had an affair and knew about his. He went on with it because my son and some family members knew. I don't want to go on details. My husband said it was 7 years ago. So it shouldn't matter because he has been faithful to me. I don't buy it. I have shifted on the guest room. I don't know if I will pursue divorce or not. I am tired. I try to do the good thing yet somehow I become the bad person and get the worse end of the stick. My marriage is over, my family hates me. Only my daughter supports me. She cursed out her father when I disclosed the affair. She is not talking to him. She offered me to move in with her. I am not sure yet. Deep down I am still hurting. I never wanted any of this to happen. I know if I get a divorce my husband will marry someone else easily. I am not worried about that. I feel like a fool. I failed as a wife and a mother. Thank you so much for the support. Every time I have doubt I open reddit and read your comments that provide me with such comfort. &#x200B; **I am not OP. I wish OP all the best. Hopefully we will get more positive updates.**

OOP gets disowned and shunned from her family and community for sending her son in jail

ONGOING

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14wrn9s/oop_gets_disowned_and_shunned_from_her_family_and/

14wrouk

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/THROW_stillfightin **I am battling cancer. I'm gay, but I have realized I love my best friend of 25 years (a man). I need to vent all my thoughts, and am looking for advice on whether to tell him or not.** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **Special thanks to u/ChenilleSocks for help on the relevant comments** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!homophobia!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Happy ending for OOP!< ##**CLARIFICATION: OOP is a woman** . . [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14cviq2/i_am_battling_cancer_im_gay_but_i_have_realized_i/) **June 18, 2023** This is gonna be a long post because I'm emotionally flooded and a rambler. I need to get it off my chest. My dearest friend in the world is a man named James (not real name -- all names (and nicknames) are altered in this story). I'd try to describe how great he is but it's honestly easier just to tell you the story. James and I grew up in the same town, a conservative christian town in nowhere U.S.A. The first time I met him was on the playground at school. He saw me sitting alone under a tree and came over to ask me if I wanted to play with him and his friends. I said no -- but he noticed I was reading a book about space (the solar system, to be more precise). So he sat down next to me and asked me which planet I thought would be the coolest to visit. We ended up talking for the rest of recess about what we thought the other planets might be like, and when we went back to class he introduced me to his friends as "my new friend, ___." We were inseparable from that point on. It was one of those things where the entire town -- our parents included -- had us married off by age 8 or something. We didn't understand at the time of course, but I would go on family trips with his family, stay over at his place and vice-versa through most of elementary school. Get in trouble for talking during class everyday, though not really because the teachers ALL loved him (this dude can charm his way out of anything it is unreal). We were best friends. When we finally reached the awkward teenage years and dating became a thing, he asked me to the first school dance and I said yes. We sort of started dating by default. I don't think we ever talked about it explicitly but I just started calling him my boyfriend to other people and we went with that. Very little changed about our relationship, we still basically just did all the same stuff we used to do before except our parents got stricter about the sleepovers and there was more hand-holding and cuddling. Kissing and stuff was always difficult for me and I didn't know why -- but he never pushed me on it at all. Not even once. The two times we tried he was able to tell very quickly that I was uncomfortable and he just shut the interaction down by messing up my hair playfully, saying "enough of that, how about we just watch a movie." I just assumed one day I would "get it." Well I didn't. Sometime around 15 years old I started to realize the problem -- I wasn't sexually attracted to men. This was a very trying time for me, given the kind of environment I grew up in this was not acceptable. My parents were extremely religious and extremely anti-LGBT. After about 8 months of identity crisis over this I decided to muster up the courage to tell James -- before anyone else. I didn't know what to expect. I was terrified. I went over to his house trembling. He had done what he always did, made my favorite snacks and got the controllers and my favorite game (diddy kong racing) ready to go. He opened the door and gave me a hug and I came in. I was so scared. We sat down and he looked at me for a second before putting his hand on mine and asking me what was wrong. So, I tried to tell him. And I got half way through the sentence, struggling to actually say 'I'm gay" -- before he just interrupted me and said 'You're gay. Yes. I know -- is there anything else?" followed by that goofy smile I love so much. I just froze in place. I asked him if he was mad and he just laughed and told me he loved me the way I was, and this was the way I was. I just started crying and jumped into his arms. It felt like 10 minutes at least I cried before he finally interrupted me in characteristic fashion -- remarking "However, I will be mad if you let the pizza rolls I made get cold -- so how about we stop crying and start eating." We stayed best friends after that. We never actually had a "break up" talk but we did start to date other people. We talked/hung out almost every day until we graduated and he went away to a big name college. The night before he left he came and picked me up and we drove around town and hit all our favorite spots. He drove me back home at 3 am or something in the rain and I took his hand during the drive home and fell asleep on his shoulder. I remember wondering then for a moment if I should just marry him anyway. But he was going away to college, and I'm not attracted to men so it probably couldn't work no matter how I felt about him otherwise. He promised to stay in touch but I didn't know if that would happen. Well, it did. Obviously it wasn't like before but he made sure to call me every week just to check up on me and see how things were going. I went to college close to home -- we'd talk about how hard college was, whoever we were dating at the time and whatever drama was going on. During his Junior year my parents found out that I was gay. They did not react well and I was basically kicked out of my home to "save me" (my dad going on about me needing jesus' 40 days in the desert like a lunatic.) My parents are good people so this didn't last and they have more than made it up to me since and worked hard to unlearn their bad programming, but that was an awful time. I did what I always do and called James. He talked to me for about an hour and then got his mom to drive up to get me so I could stay in his old room. Then he flew home the next day pretty much just to cheer me up and make sure I was alright. Vintage driving around in circles singing like idiots and 2 am junk food runs did the trick. I later found out from my mom that he had also gone and confronted my parents/stood up for me and told them they should be ashamed of themselves and if they were willing to lose their daughter over this they were unfit parents and "not the second family I thought you were." My parents worship him so this was effective, and my mom still tells this story to this day. Once again I remember wondering at the time -- Will I ever know anyone else in my life who would do this for me? But he was heading off back to college and he was still a man. So I didn't do anything. Years went by. He got married. I got a long term girlfriend. We stayed close the entire time. We saw each other a lot less -- but it was still great every time he visited and we had frequent text/calls. I looked forward to his visits all year. And then tragedy struck. His wife divorced him. I never liked her, but he did. I think she used him for a green card and he was too sweet to notice but that's neither here nor there. He came back home so I saw him a lot more. Obviously he was crushed but we got through it together. And then… I got the diagnosis. At age 27. Cancer. There's nothing I can say that describes the feeling so I'm not even gonna try. Decent chance of survival but I had to start treatment right away. This experience has changed me and my outlook on life more than anything else that's ever happened to me combined. At first, everyone was there for me. I was getting visitors daily, friends -- family, everyone. But as the weeks turned into months it all stopped. Most people, even my friends, started coming once a week, then once a month. Then many not at all. When things were looking bad around the 7-8 month my girlfriend broke up with me claiming she loved me but "she couldn't handle watching this." Almost 2 years in now, and there's only 5 people who are still here. My Mom, my Dad, my Sister, my BFF Amanda, and James. I almost can't talk about it without crying but James is here every fucking day. Every day. For hours. He may have missed 20 days in almost 2 years due to work related travel and even then he calls me. He comes in and asks how his "Amumu (which he's called me since we were kids -- because I like cows and those are my initials… >_>) is doing and listens. He brings my favorite snacks/treats when I can have them, board games we liked to play, old video games on handheld so we can play. He sings to me and shows me pictures of places he's been I'd like to go and talks about taking me once I'm better. He sits there and holds my hand in silence so I won't be alone until the doctors tell him it's time to go. Then he does it again the next day. I've never seen him cry or show any sadness. If I even casually say something like "if I get better…" he'll immediately interject -- "when. When you get better." He just won't give up on me. The only other person who is there like this is mom. Even my Dad/Sister/Amanda who have also shown up in big ways are not this consistent. I could write a whole post about how this experience has changed my relationship with mom, as well. She's proven to me that no matter what happened in the past and what we may have clashed over she loves me like no one else (except maybe James). My mom is the #1 all time James fangirl (she has been attempting to get me to marry him since I was 7 years old). A long time ago she stopped that. But about 3 months ago she made probably her first comment of that kind in around 7 years. I guess there are a few things she said. The first was "Pay attention to the people who are still here now. They're the people who always will be. They're the people who love you and not just what you can do for them." Which sort of set me off on the whole months-long train of thought that led to this post. Amanda and my Sister also make a lot of comments about James. Both like him and Amanda told me a few visits ago that she thinks I love him, and one reason none of my other relationships have worked out is that the other person can always tell they're #2 everywhere but the bedroom. Then about a month ago, mom was a little more direct. After James left one evening she told me: "Baby, in all my years on this Earth. I've never seen anyone love anybody like that boy loves you. I know you don't like it when I talk about this, but trust me -- if you let him go again you're gonna regret it forever." I don't know what has changed but this time when she said that, I just knew she was right. Every relationship I've ever been in has had some problem or thing that has to be worked on. Most of them have… several. The only thing missing here is that I don't feel a strong urge to rip his clothes off like I have with some (but honestly, not all or even most) of the women I've been with. But even there it's different, in general I find the idea of being with a man disgusting but I don't find it disgusting with him. I like being touched by him and being close to him. He's so gentle. Lately I even find myself fixating on his lips and daydreaming about kissing him. I'm not that sexual of a person and I think overall, of the people I've known in my life I would be happier with him than with anyone else and it isn't close. Now the big problem is… the cancer. Honestly I'm not really on the fence about this anymore. If I survive, I want to be with him. I am getting better and the doctor's are hopeful. But I am not sure if I should tell him now, or not. I want to tell him so bad. I want him to know how much I love him. Lovers have come and gone for both of us, but everytime I close my eyes and think about times I've felt truly loved, understood and accepted it's always his smiling face I see. When I think about times I've felt warm and safe it's his arms I feel wrapping around me like a warm blanket just my size, his voice I hear saying "Don't worry Amumu, it'll be alright." or cracking some silly joke. I want him to know that I want him with me, by my side forever. There's nowhere I'd rather be than wherever he is, doing absolutely fucking anything. Cuddling up on the couch making jokes about stupid movies, playing our favorite video games, talking about life til 2 am, driving around in circles while he sings boyband songs like a goofball. I don't care as long as he's there, too. I want him to know that if I survive this, we will be together. That's what I want. That's all I want. He's all I want. But I'm scared to tell him, because I don't know what's going to happen. If I don't make it, would it have been kinder to just keep this to myself? If you were him and in this position, would you want me to tell you how I feel? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **KimWexlers_Ponytail** >Tell him. >I've seen some comments where you say you're worried if things go south what that will do to him.... >What I'm about to say is with pure kindness, and care. ....think of what it would do to him to only find out after. >You both deserve to be happy. Whether it's for 1 year or 50. Doesn't matter. You both deserve it. **OOP replied** >I think this comment really hit me for some reason. Thank you. I'm going to tell him when he visits me tomorrow. **ONE MORE COMMENT FROM OOP** >Short update: I told him. He just left. It was the best moment of my life. I don't know why I ever hesitated. I'm so happy. >I'm just gonna go wallow in this I can't write right now. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14dztkz/update_i_am_battling_cancer_im_gay_but_i_have/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 20, 2023** If you want the original story, it has a similar title. Here is my update. So tonight I told James. I told him everything. Gosh. I just wish I could relive this night over and over again. I've never been so happy. He came into my room this evening like he always does. Greeted me, "Hello, how's my Amumu doing today". I told him I was doing well. He told me I looked beautiful. Which is NOT true but it still felt so sincere. Then he started unpacking the stuff he brought me today. I asked him to stop and just come sit with me because I wanted to talk to him. He nodded and came and sat down next to me."What's up?" He asked. It took me a bit to gather myself. I kept getting distracted by his eyes. How he looks at me sometimes, I don't know how to describe it. I told him "I love you." and he just kind of laughed and touched my hand before casually responding "Oh I know that, I love you too." In retrospect this wasn't the best way to start I guess since we've said that enough with a different understanding that he didn't get what was happening. He started to get up again to unpack the snacks and I grabbed his arm and asked him to let me finish. He looked confused but he nodded and sat back down. And then I did it. I told him everything. I told him about all the times in the past I'd thought about just marrying him despite my sexuality. I told him my favorite memories of him and how they make me feel. I told him he'd always been my best friend and the person I trusted the most. I told him I made a mistake and I should've chosen him. I then basically devolved into reciting the last paragraph of my first post to him -- he's the face I see when I think about feeling loved, the embrace I feel when I think about being safe, it doesn't matter what we do -- if we're together I'm happy and he's the only thing I want for the rest of my life. He basically froze. He said nothing -- just looked at me as I spilled everything. I am not sure he even blinked. When I finished and looked up at him he was sitting there like a statue with his mouth slightly open, still enough it was like he forgot to breathe. James always knows what to say so this was a little unnerving to me. I started to ask him if everything was alright but before I could finish his expression broke. He exhaled into a weak but incredibly tender, quivering smile, and he just reached out and pulled me into a hug. I buried my head in his chest and his arms just wrapped around me. I just melted into him. He was so gentle. It felt so easy. It felt so right. Then he started crying, and then I started crying. He's been coming here through 2 years of cancer treatment and never seen him cry til now. He held me for a while but however long it was it wasn't long enough. He still hadn't actually said a single word since I finished talking but I guess he didn't really need to… then he finally answered my question with: "now it is". When he finally pulled away, his face was red from crying but he just looked so happy. He looked at me for a bit. It was kinda cute because he had a little trouble maintaining eye contact, which he usually doesn't. He was like a little boy again. Then he finally looked right at me and he just said "You are the only thing I've ever wanted." Then I started crying again and he started crying again and he pulled me to him and held me again. I wish it never ended. A little bit later once we exhausted our crying capacity, I showed him the post. He made a few jokes about wanting to meet this "James guy" and about how he had better go and thank my mom for her 20 year wingwomanship lol. Then after he finished reading it he kissed me. It felt easy, not scary at all and just… right. He asked me if it lived up to my daydreams and I chuckled and said yes. Then he said "I'm not so sure myself, I think I need more data" and kissed me again (he is so ridiculous but this was smooth as butter). Then after that we started talking, and I guess he told me everything too. He said he'd loved me since we were little kids. Told me he still has every drawing/letter/kraft I ever made for him in a safe that he took with him to college and has taken everywhere he's ever lived. We talked about the day I came out as gay to him, and how he'd figured it out earlier -- but he struggled to accept it for months in secret because he had lived his entire life up to that point assuming we would be a family and wanting nothing else. He told me he thought about our last night before college all the time and he kept hoping that entire night I'd say something before he left, because then he'd have transferred colleges to stay with me. Told me he actually took a very long way home just to prolong the time when we were holding hands and I was sleeping on his shoulder and that it was to this day his favorite memory. Then he looked at me with those piercing green eyes and said "For me… there has never been anyone else." He loved once (me) and then struggled through a bunch of rebounds and even though he had learned to bury it and move on with life and was happy in our friendship his heart had only ever belonged to me. Honestly I guess I should've known this (My dad told me he was sure this was true before but I didn't listen) but I was flustered (and deeply moved). I joked that he should enter the Olympics as a torch carrier and he said "they'd never have a chance i'm the greatest there ever was." Awww. We sat and talked and reminisced some more, mostly about when we were kids. I found out some things I never knew because he avoided telling me how romantic somethings were for him after I came out, but I also kinda realized… I think they felt romantic to me too. Then he sang me some of "our songs" (his voice is so beautiful). We had another embrace and another kiss. Both still felt divine. I can't wait to have my hair back again so he can pet it like he used to when we were kids. Then I brought up the sex question, and omg it was the cutest shit ever. I barely got to say anything before he started tripping over himself like "Look, I don't even care -- I don't need that, if we need mistresses or something we can do that it doesn't bother me, I just want to wake up with you every day." Which was sweet, but then I told him that even though I didn't know how that would go (and I might not be able to) I wanted to try with him anyway when I got better -- and oh my god he turned tomato red and could barely look at me. Literally could not even manage to form a sentence in response -- just mumbled incoherently before managing to get out "um, ok, if you're sure". This man has been married and had 6 girlfriends but he completely just falls all over himself at the thought, god it was adorable. This is the only thing I'm still a little worried about, but I do want to try. I mean I liked the kissing which I thought was completely impossible. And I know that if it doesn't turn out well it won't ruin anything and we'll still be together and just figure something else out for that one need. Then we talked about the cancer. He is so sure I'm gonna make it. It's so touching. It took a little while to get him to take the other possibility seriously. When I finally did and I told him that it's the reason I didn't tell him sooner, he held my hand and told me that if that happens - he'd be ok because he'll always know that he was one of the lucky ones because he was mine. Jesus fucking Christ I almost lost it. Then he said if we don't have that much time left, we better make sure every minute counts. I said "that's pretty hard to do in a hospital" and he replied "what do you mean? We're both here and that makes this the best place on earth." Dear God, what did I do to deserve this man? I teared up again and he held me one last time. Then the doctors came in. He kissed me goodnight. We both said I love you but it felt so different. It's never felt so good to say or hear those words. Then he smiled at me and left. I was so excited the first thing I did was call mom and she was just ecstatic. I think she might be happier than me, which is saying something lol. As soon as I told her what happened and that James and I are together she just started crying and talking about what a good boy he is, how she just knew this would happen and that she can rest easy now because she knows I will always be loved and taken care of. Plenty of her "destiny" talk which usually gets on my nerves but honestly I was so happy tonight, fuck it I'm on board. Maybe it was destiny. I guess sometimes mom really does know best. I feel like a teenager again. I never thought I'd feel this way again in my life. I never even imagined if I did it would be for a man. God I love him so much. Now I can't understand what I was ever worried about or why I didn't do this years ago. Thanks so much to everyone who read my story and helped give me the perspective and courage I needed to finally do what I should've done years ago. Now as long as my health cooperates… I'll be one of the lucky ones too, because I am his **OOP HAS COMMENTED IN THE BORU THREAD** [OOPs comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14wrouk/i_am_battling_cancer_im_gay_but_i_have_realized_i/jrl75xt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Awww this is so nice. The writer in me is also very happy the formatting on my first post was fixed here, because I couldn't edit it in my original post and it was all messed up =(. I guess as another small update -- things are going pretty well for me considering the circumstances. Oncologist is still very optimistic and I am feeling better (not at the moment, but that's because of chemo last week). I'm responding very well to treatments and things are continuing to look better and better on the health front. And James has just been the absolute best. He was already such a huge source of support for me before I told him how I felt and we became a couple -- but since then... man, there's no words for it. I guess he feels like he doesn't have to hold back on the affection/support and it's been absolutely wonderful being cradled in his love basically every hour of the day. I feel so lucky and I am so glad I told him, and so thankful to everyone who responded to my post and helped me muster the courage to do so. . **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I am battling cancer. I'm gay, but I have realized I love my best friend of 25 years (a man). I need to vent all my thoughts, and am looking for advice on whether to tell him or not.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14wrouk/i_am_battling_cancer_im_gay_but_i_have_realized_i/

14ww3bj

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Im_not_here_shhh1678. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!decent ending for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14j6z6n/aita_for_not_wanting_to_do_a_cake_for_my/)**: June 25, 2023** I (20F) and my Step-sister "Clara" (28F) never had any problems before. We stayed civil with each other, mostly because we actually don't interact that much so there's no room for fights since we just don't see often. Until now. She's getting married in a couple of days, and my BIL asked me for something a week ago: a cake. I do cakes and sell them, but not to living, just so I can get a little bit more of money to pay my college, so I don't have experience doing such big cakes for big events. BIL told me it's not a big wedding, so I don't have to worry, it's a decently sized cake for at least 80 people. Still big but something I can manage. So I said yes. I sent Clara a message asking for specifications and she replied with screenshots of cakes from pinterest. Nothing more. I had to push her further so she can give me exact ideas for the cake since all her replies to my questions were "It's literally in the images I sent, can't you see?" Whatever. Days passed and I sent her a quick sketch of the cake and she didn't replied. Other day passed and I sent a image of all the things I bought for the cake so she can tell me if that's the things she asked for, but again, nothing. So, I then told her how much it would cost the cake and that if she can please pay me the half now, so she can pay the other half later. And this time I did got an answer. A call. She was fuming and demanding an explanation of why I'm charging her for the cake, practically yelling at me. I was confused by her reaction, and I had to explain to her that it's literally my job, and that I already bought all the things for her cake so all I'm asking is for the half of the payment. She said that how I DARE to charge her for a cake for her special day, that family does things for eachother without expecting something back, and more BS like that. Long story short: she's not paying for shit, and she made sure to let it very clear that she's not giving me a single penny. Yesterday she called me again and asked me how is her cake going. I told her I'm not doing anything since she's not paying, so if she wants a cake she can ask someone else. She yelled and cried, saying I'm a selfish bitch, that I don't care about her and there's no time for her to get another person, so to please stop being a bitch and help her out. I laughed at her and hung up. Later, my dad called and told me that I'm an asshole for laughing at Clara when she's in distress, and that just make a stupid cake so she can stop complaining about me. I admit, I actually CAN do her cake since I already have the things, so that let me thinking that, well, maybe I'm being a salty asshole. I can do her cake, I have the things already bought and her sketch made, so I don't loose anything My mom told me the exact same, and I'm genuinely starting to thing that I might be an asshole here. So Reddit, am I the asshole? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you tell your BIL you needed payment in the initial conversation?* "He told me that Clara is the one who showed him a post of my cakes. I found out like five minutes ago that Clara LIED to him telling that, yes, I charge for my cakes, but because she's my family and because I, supposedly, understood how important her wedding was that I'm not charging them. That the cake is my wedding gift. I couldn't put it in the post but I spent money I was saving to pay my semester on her cake, so that money isn't something I can spent without needing it later. Also I was willing to sit down and talk with her, but my cousin told me that Clara is shit-talking about me in the family group chat and that I'm already out of the guests list so I'm not longer invited at her wedding. I'm not mad, I honestly get it, but that only gives me more reasons to stop involving with her if she's acting like that." *Can you return the ingredients?* "I definitely can since I still have the receipts but my BIL told me to keep them since he's not sure if he's gonna find a baker who's willing to do a wedding cake in four days 💀 I'm just doing it for him but, honestly, I'm actually planning to use them for a graduation cake since all the decorations are golden. I'm just waiting for further actualization" *Tell your BIL you'll make the cake for his next wedding:* "Actually he's really nice. He overheard the fight I had with Clara an apologized for her behavior and he's willing to pay for the cake. I said that I appreciate his kindness but I don't feel comfortable doing Clara's cake because all the awful things she said about me. He's currently looking for another baker while Clara keeps telling everyone that I'M doing HER cake because she's definitely not accepting that for her own fault she's not getting a cake from me. I feel pity for BIL ngl." *More about step-sister:* "She hasn't been directly mean to me but she does shit-talk to my back. I stopped talking with a lot of family members because I found out that she always vents about how much she hates me because my dad "left her" for me (even when I'm the youngest of three three daughters and her mom cheated on my dad so 💀, yeah definitely my fault) and they agreed with her twisted mindset about me." "She actually tried to get a discount because the dress is for her wedding day... A discount because she's a bride... In a wedding dresses shop... She's a massive joke" "Yes! Lol When she couldn't get a discount she tried to imply to the owner of the shop that she's suddenly invited on her wedding! The owner said that she's DONE with weddings but she appreciated the offer lmao Everyone saw through her fake invitation and pretty much ignored her the rest of her shopping" *Cherry on top:* "We payed (me and some other cousins) their honeymoon. A week in Cabo everything payed, hotel, restaurant reservations, touristic rides, dinner on a yacht, etc. It was EXPENSIVE AF, and payed for everything like five months ago with tons and stress because certain dates didn't add up. Actually the reason of why I started to sell cakes and other desserts was because paying their honeymoon was REALLY expensive and I ended up without a single penny after that. We told both of them that her gift was that and she told us we don't have to worry for gifts on her wedding, that the honeymoon is more than okay with it. Apparently it wasn't." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14oeyux/aita_for_not_wanting_to_do_a_cake_for_my/?sort=old)**: July 1, 2023 (6 days later)** So I posted here no much time ago and I feel it's correct to update all of you! I stood my ground and refused to do the cake. I actually made some cupcakes using Clara's cake decoration and turned it into graduation ones for my friends and their classmates. I posted it on ig yesterday and some family members blocked me because of it (mind to say there was a photo of two of my friends faking a proposal using one cupcake as the ring, and I post it with a text that said "At least these two are getting a wedding dessert from me". Petty, I know) Also because yesterday was the wedding and, like I wasn't invited, I spent the day with my friends and later some uncles and cousins told me to at least I should've been respectful and stayed the evening at home. Stupid? Yes, did I tell them that? Of course! That's why they blocked me or straight up ignored me. The important thing here: there was no cake in Clara's wedding. Guests who aren't from the family asked why there wasn't a cake and they made up a lot of things, such as "Oh, we just don't wanted cake" to "The cake got accidentally destroyed when it was getting sent to here", and they even tried to imply that Clara was pregnant by saying something among the lines that Clara was getting nauseous over the idea of fondant so that's why there's no cake. Anyways, the situation thankfully de-escalated and now everyone is calmed. I haven't been reached out about the cake (besides the cupcake thing), but my cousin told me that some people were mad because I didn't showed up with the cake. Like? I was uninvited, how tf they wanted me to show up and also with a free cake?! They're delulu just like Clara. BIL was so ashamed because of the lies Clara said about the cake and confessed me he's only one day being married and already thinking of divorce. I actually feel bad and told him that I got his back with whatever decision he makes. So, that's all for this update! Thank you so much everyone for their words in my first post, it was really funny to see revenge ideas, and also a relief to see non-biased opinions on this situation since everyone was siding with Clara, and I was so close to surrender and make the cake. Actually, when I first posted I was preparing some flour and mix thinking "this is it", but then tons of people telling me not to fall into the gaslight and manipulation of Clara got me rethinking my decision and immediately stopped. Thank you so much everyone. I'm gonna post again the day BIL divorces Clara haha! ***Relevant Comment:*** *YTA for posting on Instagram and you seem excited for the divorce:* "Sure sure. I already said that I'M, in fact, petty. I admitted it🤷🏻‍♀️ Also I'm not excited, BIL is the one who told me "Well, I'm updating you the day I divorce her (since he's GENUINELY debating it) so you can say it on reddit" (I didn't told him about the post, he found it himself), so that last line is pretty much just a joke between us that I know he's gonna see. You can stop crying now"

AITA for not wanting to do a cake for my step-sister?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ww3bj/aita_for_not_wanting_to_do_a_cake_for_my/

14wwmha

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/KellzzLoL. He posted in r/SatisfactoryGame. Thank you to u/Agehn for recommending this! This is a very short post but a good palate cleanser. **Mood Spoiler:** >!absolutely adorable. Short and sweet. !< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SatisfactoryGame/comments/13zdv7l/ive_become_consumed_by_satisfactory_with_my/)**: June 3, 2023** **Title:** I’ve become consumed by Satisfactory with my friend recently. Yesterday she made this and I wanted to share *You can see the image in the post, but here's a description:* A night scene in purple. A man and woman *(apparently pioneers based on vocabulary used in comments lol)* hold hands on a raised platform with the planets in the sky behind them. But instead of looking at the view, the two are looking at each other. ***Literally every top comment:*** My dude. She likes you. This is not a subtle hint. ***Comment from OOP:*** Hey everyone, thank you for your comments! Ive passed on the compliments on her work. I showed this to a friend and they agreed. I’m gonna talk to her tomorrow night when we play ☺️ **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SatisfactoryGame/comments/1414yak/update_my_girlfriend_made_a_second_piece_of/)**: June 5, 2023 (2 days later)** **Title:** Update: My **girlfriend** made a second piece of Satisfactory art. Thank you to everyone for pushing me to take the leap and ask her. We are officially seeing each other after last night ☺️ I asked if she wanted her art Instagram linked, but she asked me not to. I’ll be sure to post any future Satisfactory stuff she does here though. Thank you all *Description of the art:* Now a scene in blue. The two characters from the first picture are sitting together on a raised platform overlooking their world. She has her head on his shoulder. Two cups of coffee/tea sit next to them. **Editor's note-** here's a link to the game's wiki for more information since I've seen some questions. I've never played the game either haha [https://satisfactory.wiki.gg/wiki/Satisfactory\_Wiki](https://satisfactory.fandom.com/wiki/Satisfactory_Wiki) But it seems to be an open world building game. And definitely take a look at her artwork in the posts- it's beautiful!

I’ve become consumed by Satisfactory with my friend recently. Yesterday she made this and I wanted to share

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14wwmha/ive_become_consumed_by_satisfactory_with_my/

14wx1mj

**I am NOT the Original Poster.** **That is** u/FrostDragon57. **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP is fine, seems to have learned not to do it again and things change for the better!< &#x200B; [Original Post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/14k75se/im_not_authorized_to_go_get_water_alright/), on June 28th 2023 Now before I start here's a bit of context for this situation. I work in the boat industry as a engine tech and parts painter. I know, quite a broad range right there. Anyway, the company I work for is quite old and the building I work in is even older. The heating system is trash and we really lack anything in the way of air conditioning, and it's boiling outside right now. Earlier today, I had started overheating really quickly as the temperature rose in the building. I have a medical condition where my body can't regulate temperature well, meaning I am at risk of passing out. I was going to go get a bottle of water from the fridge to help me cool down, when I was stopped by one of the company's managers. Let's call him Kyle for this story. Kyle: Where are you going? Me: I was only going to go get some water. Kyle: You're supposed to be working right now. You can get the water during the coffee break. Me: I.. I don't think you understand that I can actually be in danger from this heat right now. So, could I please go get one bottle of water? Kyle: No. You're not authorized to leave your work before the clock strikes. Now shut up, and get back to work. Me: Roger that.. Keep in mind that this conversation was held in front of my coworkers. Cue malicious compliance. I got back to work, making sure to put on some extra coal, just to make sure I "made up for lost time". Basically I was forcing my body into shock and heat stroke was just around the corner. Fast forward around 30 minutes, I had to tell my coworkers through my strained breath that I don't feel too good. Which was actually even worse now, as I was working on deck of one of these boats, give or take 3 meters above the floor. When I made my way towards the ladder to climb down I only got out a very strained "Oh... Shit..." as I fell off the back, and was headed straight for the concrete floor below me. Lucky for me, some coworkers reacted fast enough and managed to catch me before my head was split open on the floor. I woke up in an ambulance around an hour later. The EMTs were checking my vitals and were actually helping me. My boss came up to the door and asked me what happened. I told him exactly as I told you guys, and I also told him to check with my coworkers if he didn't believe me. Long story boring, I was brought to the hospital for a check up just to make sure I actually didn't suffer any kind of trauma from the fall. A buddy of mine came with me to make sure I got there and back safe. A few hours passed, and my buddy got a call, he picked it up, and it was Kyle. My buddy handed me the phone, and I heard Kyle on the other end apologizing for actually almost getting me killed. The short version is that he was heavily reprimanded for what he told me and was put on watch. Didn't lose his position tho so I guess I didn't fully win. But he was liable for the medical compensation for my situation. I did forgive him and just to rub it in a bit, I just had to ask him. "Am I authorized to get water next time?" And my buddy just laughed. Edit: I already got OSHA on the line and they're launching an investigation into this. So. If nothing else, I just made Kyle's week even more horrible. Also, for those who wondered. Kyle is pretty new and is basically a bit of a... brick?... can I call him that?... Whatever. He's rough around the edges and generally doesn't believe people when it comes to their personal health. He's got that kind of "If you can talk, then you can work" mentality. So. In a way. He kinda deserved this. OSHA will have a field day with his actions. Edit 2: Fixed the Cue spelling error. Man I'm dumb &#x200B; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/14lz0yc/update_im_not_allowed_to_get_water_okay/) **(2 days later)** First of all hello again. I'm the idiot that almost died to prove a point. Before I continue, to all of you who were concerned about my safety and health. Thank you. I never realized how many would care. I'd also like to apologize for literally putting my own life in danger to prove a point. It was stupid. My family, the nurses, my girlfriend, and many of you made me realize just how stupid I was, and I will be more careful in the future. I am now out of the hospital after being completely stabilized and I don't have any major trauma from this ordeal. So don't worry. Anyway, for those of you not in the loop, check my profile for the previous post. For those of you who already know, let's get into this. A lot of things happened so far. My aunt (the main nurse assigned to me) and the nurses I knew personally all cussed me out for what I did and told me to make sure I better get health and safety to invade my job for this. My aunt put me in contact with a representative and I had a lengthy chat with said representative. This got the ball rolling for investigations to start. What I didn't expect, was that even police had to get involved. I was released from the hospital after a day and was told that I could work, but I was entitled to 10 minute breaks every hour if the temperature rose above 25°C indoors. Which, basically is every hour of the day. Anyway. I clocked in today and was immediately approached by some a man and woman in high-vis and hard hats. The woman introduced herself as the representative I had spoken to on the phone, and she basically asked me to back track and explain in detail what happened. I did, and she wrote everything down and let me be on my way, after reminding me to abuse my medical papers as much as I felt like. Dunno why. She just said that and walked away. Didn't hear much more after that. The entire company was called into a large meeting about personal safety. And it was quickly established that I was the cause of said safety meeting. Whoops... Anyway. We were informed that Kyle (the dillweed manager) had been demoted to a normal worker, and that we would be entitled to 5 minute breaks every hour due to the heat. Nice. He also said, that due to the heat, the company would be purchasing drink coolers, fans, and would be compensating any worker that had to go home due to illness prompted by the heat. This part tho, shocked me. "Frost is not allowed in any engine bay until winter due to temperatures in there being close to a sauna. We don't need him to almost die twice to understand his condition is severe." Basically, anywhere the heat rises above 30°C, I am not allowed in for my own safety. That's as far as this situation has come. Once again to those who were worried about me. Thank you, and I'm sorry for making you worry about someone like me. Thank you for your time.

OOP decides to maliciously comply... by not drinking water at work

CONCLUDED

LiraelNix

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14wx1mj/oop_decides_to_maliciously_comply_by_not_drinking/

14wxj8c

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/EncryPtion29 **in** r/AITAH mood spoilers: >!anger, ambivalence!<   [**WIBTAH for reporting my mom and sister for "stealing" my car?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pbge6/wibtah_for_reporting_my_mom_and_sister_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, July 03, 2023 I 24(m) live with my mom in a rural part of the USA. For context when it comes to my sister(37), she is much older and we come from different fathers, and both grew up in split custody arrangements. We are not particularly close, almost acquaintances moreso than siblings. I don't really feel any familial connection even though I love her, I don't feel obligated to bend backward for her. Well sister lives 2 hours away (in a much more urban area) and is currently going through a divorce. Her and her ex-husband only had one vehicle and it belongs to the ex-husband, so when they split, he took the car. Sister has 4 daughters and works a full time job, I on the other hand work from home and have no real external responsibilities. My mom came to me asking if my sister could borrow my car for a couple of months until the divorce is finalized so she has a way of transporting her and her kids to wherever they need to be without the financial burden of purchasing another car, or relying exclusively on ridesharing. I just recently bought my car('12 V8 Mustang), and its my first vehicle ever, I didn't get a hand-me-down, or get one as a present when I turned 16 or 18, I was basically immobile except occasionally being allowed to drive my moms car, or when my dad had me I could get Ubers. Getting my own vehicle was extremely liberating (minus the loan), and I don't feel trapped at home, so when I was approached with this proposal I flat out said no. I can totally understand the justification for letting her use my car for a couple months, but aside from the fact I don't want to lose my newfound sense of freedom, I also just don't want someone else driving my car, and maybe that's selfish of me. Over the last few days my mom and sister have been trying to convince me to let her use the car, saying that she would pay for the car payment while she has the car, or that she'd pay for insurance if she has it longer than anticipated. No matter what they brought to the table, I kept saying no. Much to their dissatisfaction. FF to this morning, I realize that my mom isn't home. I opened our garage to see that her car was still there, but mine was not. I immediately know what has happened and call my mom about the situation. She just tries to calm me down and have me try to picture it from my sisters point of view, but I'm just flushed with rage and instead just tell her that I'm going to report the vehicle as stolen instead. She just hung up the phone. As of now i presume my car is down with my sister, and i am seriously considering reporting it stolen and naming her and my sister as perpetrator and conspirator. I really don;t want it to go that far, and I hope that we could instead work this out. But what I initially said as an angry threat, I'm starting to really consider as an option. I just don't know if its worth burning so many bridges over a car, but the fact that my family wont respect my boundaries or my property is so frustrating. WIBTAH? &#x200B; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pquuu/update_wibtah_for_reporting_my_mom_and_sister_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 12 Hours After Original Post Thanks everyone for all the input into the situation, I sincerely appreciate it. I ended up giving them an ultimatum to return my car by business close tonight. And if they do, I would be willing to move past it, and not let it affect any future relationships. Said I would also pitch in a small amount of money to help my sister rent/buy her own car. But if they don't return it by business close I will be filing a police report that my vehicle has been stolen and that it was my mom who is the perpetrator and my sister is a conspirator. To answer a couple questions all at once. Mom has her own car, but doesn't want to lend hers out because she needs it for work every day. I had offered to let her use mine for work and she lend out her car to Sister, but she refuted this idea saying that she doesn't feel comfortable driving my car and that she needs ample space for medical supplies (she is an in home nurse)I am well aware that my living situation will change if I call the police on my mom and sister, but honestly the living situation is already compromised. Regardless of the resolution, I will be moving out as immediately as possible, as I am financially stable enough to do so. This whole thing is just the straw that broke the camels back. Didn't put in original post, but I've been getting a lot of comments regarding living for free at my mothers house. We split bills 60/40 on basically everything. Its not truly 50/50, but absolutely by no means am I freeloading at my moms house. Will update again if car has been returned or not   [**UPDATE 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14ptwag/final_update_wibtah_for_reporting_my_mom_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 14 Hours After Original Post Car has been returned, so the police will not need to get involved, however there is body damage that wasn't there the last time I used it ([pic attached](https://i.redd.it/6fg5yh9a8t9b1.jpg)) Cant tell if it was intentional damage or not, but it honestly doesn't matter. ("Picture is a silvery white '12 V8 Mustang with scratches on the bumper and a dent in the fender") Will be getting all relevant papers in order, and then will by lawyering up so the damages are paid for. As soon as this entire situation is resolved I will be moving out. I have learned to never keep my keys out ever again. Thanks so much everyone for your input and advice!   [**UPDATE 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14pv91r/final_final_update_wibtah_for_reporting_my_mom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 15 Hours After Original Post After the overwhelming majority of you told me that I need to go to the police in my last post, I have decided to report the entire situation to my local sheriffs office. Will do everything in my power to make it so charges aren't pressed, which i hope is likely since car was returned. Will still be doing everything I mentioned in my previous post, regarding getting all papers in order and moving out as soon as possible. Will probably still look into getting a lawyer just in case. Told the sheriffs office that my car was stolen for approximately 16 hours from my mom and sister, and that when the car was returned there was body damage that wasn't previously there. They are sending over a deputy to take a look at my car and question myself and my mom about the situation. I have group text chats that list my ultimatum, as well as some texts that were exchanged previously about mom and sister essentially begging to use my car while I kept saying no. I will be making my mom and or sister pay for the body damage, and if insurance wont I will be going to court for it. I don't care how petty that is, or if it just opens an even larger can of worms. I absolutely refuse to pay 2k+ for body damage repairs that I didn't create Hopefully this is the actual final update I will have to post regarding this situation. Regardless of the damage I'm just glad that I have my car back. Family situation is beyond busted and will be going NC with sister for an indefinite amount of time, and will do the same with mom as soon as I move out, which is hopefully by the end of the month. Thank you all for your advice and input throughout this whole ordeal.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

WIBTAH for reporting my mom and sister for stealing my car?

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14wxj8c/wibtah_for_reporting_my_mom_and_sister_for/

14xb1ry

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/StarFang_. She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest. I added paragraph breaks, capital letters, periods, apostrophes and names instead of letters for readability. I did not change all misspelled words or phrases in order to try to preserve OOP's tone. This is a DARK post. Please read the Trigger Warnings. **Trigger Warnings:** >!child sexual abuse; child abuse; threatening of stalking/kidnapping!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!depressing!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1428opz/my_students_use_sign_language_during_class_and_i/)**: June 6, 2023** Im gonna try to keep this as short as possible. I'm not sure if this is the right place for this story but i need to tell someone this story. English is not my first language, I'm an art teacher in the Netherlands. I have an amazing class with 21 kids, majority of them are really sweet, but there is this one kid, lets call her Jane. She has autism and she seems to like me a little to much. She would do her best to be extra nice to me and would defend me whenever one of her other classmates werent listening or being rude (as far as i know she doesn't do this with her other teachers) she has a friend group of about 3 others which she always sits with, and whenever they talk there is always one of them that looks at me. It gives me the feeling that they are talking about me which is kinda creepy but i guess as a teacher you can expect it. I have always kind of got the feeling that Jane likes me. For valentines day she bought a rose for me (anonymous but i know it was her because of the handwriting on the card.) On monday she was always earlier to class than the rest (5 minutes earlier than class started) and she would be slow with making her work on purpose so she could stay after class with me. She would also always tell me stories about things at home that she doesn't like her family and other stuff. She would also very often come into class with bruises and other injuries (but that might be for another story) and she would just be overly nice to me. I would never call her out on any of it because i thought that maybe i was just delusional and it was just her being different, but here comes the actual part on why im writing. Last week i was teaching them and Jane and her friends were speaking in sign language (usually they would just be talking but Jane was sitting alone on the other side of the classroom because she and her friends were being quite annoying.) I know sign language because my brother is deaf, but I never told the class this so they didn't know. Apparently Jane and her friends were talking about me, how Jane wanted to find out where i lived (she does know the town I live in) and wanted to break into my home and do things to me. I cant really go into detail but thats one thing i heard. I also found out shes stalking me on my way from work to the busstop and on social media. She also fantasizes about me and i heard many other things that i cant really say on here. I havent gone to work since because i don't think i can work at that school anymore. I feel bad for Jane that she doesn't see me in class anymore but i don't want to risk anything,What do i do? Should i go back? I have no idea why im even posting here, im just so creeped out and i have no idea what to do. **Edit:** i have seen people complain about my spelling abd some other things, I'm 21, Jane is 12, i was writing this on my break with my other job so thats why alot of things are a little wierdly written, i have also never posted on reddit before so thats also why **Edit 2:** I'm gonna talk with her tomorrow at school **Edit 3:** no I'm not gonna talk to her alone, I'm asking 2 others to join us, i could update you all tomorrow but seeing as many people refuse to believe that my story is true I'm not sure if im gonna do that, id rather not get more hate **Last edit for now:** best i can do is update in 2 days, tomorrow I'm gonna talk with Jane, thanks to everyone ***Relevant Comments:*** *If this is real then you have an obligation to report it AND the bruises:* "I have reported things that have happened to Jane's mentor, lets just say that her mentor isnt exactly the best person ever" "I am reporting it, but Jane's mentor doesn't really care for her students and refuses to do anything" *From OOP:* "Not trying to be rude but i didn't say i was a male teacher. I'm a woman" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1444035/update_my_students_use_sign_language_in_class_and/)**: June 8, 2023 (2 days later)** Hi everyone, here is the update, once again thanks to all the support, this is written late at night and im tired so its once again very poorly written but i will try my best So i talked with Jane, her mentor, and someone else from school. I talked with them alone before we talked with Jane so they would understand the situation better. Jane's mentor was the one to talk the most because i wasn't sure what to say, but when Jane's mentor (lets just call her Maya) asked why Jane did all of this, Jane started crying and didnt want to talk anymore. Maya wanted me to leave because she believed Jane didn't want to talk because i was there, so i left A little bit later i was called by Maya, she wanted me to come and talk about what happened and what Jane told her Like alot of you already thought, Jane had a rough time at home and was indeed being abused, not physically by her parents but emotionally. Her parents constantly favoured her younger sisters over her and in Jane's words don't care about her. Her older sister would regularly bring multiple boys home while babysitting Jane and her sisters, which is probably one of the things Jane learned sexual stuff Alot of others in the comments thought Jane was being sexually abused at home but thats not what is going on. Jane told Maya that her other classmate, Luca ***(editor's note- I chose a gender neutral name as we do not know anything else about this person)*** (who is 2 years older due to having to repeat a year) sexually abuses Jane. Jane says that Luca claims that "this is what love is" and thats why Jane thought that it was okay to say those things about me because she loves me Jane explained to Maya that she didn't mean it like that and that she wouldn't want to hurt me. Apparently Jane had the feeling that she was inlove with me and told this to her friends. They taught her that the thing she said like stalking me and potentially breaking into my house are part of being inlove and thats why she did it I saw another comment saying that Jane acts like this towards me because im one of the few nice people in her life. I'm not sure, Jane did not say anything that would prove that although i think thats probably whats going on and thats why she thinks shes inlove with me (i really cant think of any other reason why a 12 year old would like me)This is all i know now, all happened today, although i don't think im gonna get more updates on the situation, Maya is (like i mentioned in a comment) not one of the best people ever so i doubt she will involve me further, but if everything Jane says is true i hope she gets some help and possibly a new home I would love to update further, but thats only if i get updates myself, Have a good night to everyone still awake

My students use sign language during class and i found out something horrific

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14xb1ry/my_students_use_sign_language_during_class_and_i/

14xdyhs

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/moofie_moofs in r/legaladvice\*\* trigger warnings: >!Child abuse!< mood spoilers: >!Good for OOP, Sad for the child!< \--- [Neighbor is suing me, because one of my horses nearly killed her kid](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/14jpgqc/neighbor_is_suing_me_because_one_of_my_horses/) \- June 26, 2023 She’s suing me for around 5k and for legal fees as well. Now, she let the kid climb into the paddock with my stallion, who is extremely aggressive and territorial. This woman has been told multiple times to not come onto our property or even touch our horses besides, the stallion. Is there anyway I could make a counter claim to it? I have footage of her letting her kid pet the stallion, and some of our other animals. I could pay this off, but I don’t want this on my record, as I am about to go and buy 10 or 15 more horses to fill in land at our farm. I just need to know how I can get this woman to stay off of our property permanently, so that this does not happen again. \*\*Post is short so I'll include some top comments to make this more interesting\*\* \*Comment\* : "This is like the classic “my neighbor’s kid snuck into my yard and drowned in my pool” cases. Whether or not they have a claim comes down to their ability to prove negligence from your end (or that your animal was extremely vicious). Did you have proper fencing? Did you have any signage? Was a horse you knew to be dangerous in an area too easily accessible.? Have you previously allowed them to do this or similar? If they had no permission to enter your property, and purposely climbed over your fence then it’d be hard for them to prove from their end. Your homeowners insurance may actually have a personal liability clause in there that covers you against these types of suits btw, so definitely check there”. If you don’t already have liability insurance you should 100% get it if you’ll have many horses. As for your property…put up no trespassing signs and/or a fence around the perimeter, if you see her coming on again then call the police. In any case you should get a lawyer to advise you on this" \*OOP's Reply\* : I have fencing all around my property, and the stallion is kept in a paddock with double fences just because of how mean he is. We also have no trespassing signs and they aren’t allowed near any of our animals let alone on our property. &#x200B; \*\*The rest of the commenters advise OOP to contact their home owners insurance & go to the police to file a report for trespassing.\*\* &#x200B; UPDATE: - July 1, 2023. Updated on same post. So my insurance took care of it, and I only had to pay about 2k for damage to my property. Now, she was charged with child endangerment and abuse. Apparently they found out that she kept them out of school and was using them to get money from her husband. The stallion is also fine, he also got lots of treats. &#x200B; \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

Neighbor is suing me, because one of my horses nearly killed her kid

CONCLUDED

PresidentStone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14xdyhs/neighbor_is_suing_me_because_one_of_my_horses/

14xn2wl

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Time_Pool_9643 **My brother is getting married to my ex and invited me to the wedding.** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1401dqw/my_brother_brother_is_getting_married_to_my_ex/) **June 4, 2023** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Attempted suicide, infidelity!< I (39M) have been a caretaker for my brother, Justin (33M) since he was 10. I was only 16 when our parents died. I had to take care of the household because my brother was still very little. I did everything for him. He was the apple of my eye. I guess I spoiled him a lot. I never dated that much because I was the breadwinner for my brother. That is until I met Melissa (35F), it was almost 10 years ago. We dated for 2 years. It was great, my brother loved her. One day, I eavesdropping a conversation she was having with her friend. The gist of that conversation was something like her friend was asking about me. Melissa said that she loves me a lot, she loves that I take care of her in every way. But I am pretty average when it comes to having sex. Her friend asked her if she is going to talk to me about it or how is she happy. She told her that her fixture is my brother. She went on to explain how she and Justin have been having an affair for 8 months. She thinks it is justified because she thinks Justin is better in bed than I am. You can imagine how painful it was for me. I went inside the house pretending I didn't hear a thing. I confronted Justin about it. I know how get him to talk. I pressed this matter after he was denying it. He eventually broke down and said it was the truth. He didn't say anything because he didn't want to hurt me. He and Melissa are in love and wanted to get married but Melissa won't leave me. I was furious. I wanted to beat the shit out of him but I just told him he is dead to me and left. I also kicked out Melissa and she stayed with my brother and his roommates. My brother was banging on my door non-stop. I had to move in with a friend and told everyone to not disclose my location to my brothers. His calls and emails were all the same that he was sorry and he never wanted to hurt me and he will break up. I stopped the bank account (something like a trust fund) that I mad made for him that he can access when he is 25. He was not my brother anymore. I went into deep depression. I didn't eat or sleep properly. I would have nightmares of my brother and ex laughing at me that I suck in bed. That if I was good enough she would have never left me. It got so bad that once I stood in front of a train track because it was too unbearable for me. Luckily, my friends saved me. I do not have much friends but they were my rock. I stayed with them for a year. I went to therapy, I did group sessions. I had a lot of anxiety regarding intimacy so I didn't date for a long time. My friend encouraged me to try. I did try once with a one night stand but it was bad for both of us. I still go to therapy to this day. But other aspects of my life has improved. I focused more on building new relationships with new people. I went to travel and explore more hobbies. I was living for myself. I am in a relationship with someone for 3 years now. We are engaged and we are having a kid together. Wendy (32F) is a really nice person. She knows all about my insecurities and problems that I faced because of my brother. She was mature and patient with me. I was able to trust someone enough to be in a relationship. 2 days ago, I got an invitation in my mail about a wedding. And as the title says it was from my brother. He has kept tabs on me from afar and invited me to his wedding with none other than Melissa. Looking at their names doesn't hurt that much now. I feel numb. If it was 8 years ago, I would have a meltdown. I still feel this pain that I cannot be happy for my brother's big day. My fiancé suggests that we shouldn't go and delete the invite. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **scrumptiousnutsack** >I wouldn't have been as strong as you, man. I'm in shock and inner rage of the heartless people who hurt you. I could never imagine how horrible this must have made you feel. **OOP replied** >There is nothing more I want than to watch them suffer. I have no love or blessing left for him. When my parents died they told me to look after him and then when we are adult we will look after each other. He threw it all away. It doesn't hurt that Melissa cheated. It hurts more that my own brother has cheated me. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14r2ypv/updatemy_brother_brother_is_getting_married_to_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 5, 2023** Hello guys, I was thinking about making an update soon. I know people in reddit really likes updates. But I delayed it because I have a baby girl now. When I posted this my fiancée (now wife) was already 8.5 months pregnant. We had an early delivery. My baby girl, Emily, is so cute. She is a little bundle of joy for both of us. She is so tiny and cute. She has eyes just like mine. I cannot believe we made something so precious. I spent as much as time holding her. My wife gets pissed because she thinks I am going to coddle her to death. Also my fiancée and I got married pretty quickly. It was a court marriage. Neither of us wanted a big wedding anyways. We are all fine. Some of you asked me how my brother knew my address. Well he didn't. He only knew my email, my work email. He probably knows what company I go to so from there he tracked down my email and sent an invitation. Few days ago, I get another email from my brother. I have forgot to block him. I usually don't check my work email because most of them are forwarded in slack. My brother made a huge ass email. He basically told me he knows I will not come to his wedding but still wanted me there for his big day. He apologized for what he has done and that he would never forgive himself for doing wrong. He knew he shouldn't have slept with Melissa. But he did it anyways. Growing up he had been jealous of me. He was jealous that I am the more capable brother who is just babysitting him. When Melissa approached him, he felt like he has more importance. He knew he was wrong. He wanted to stop. The day I said he was dead to me, he had a panic attack. He tried his best to contact me but my friends refused to give up my location. He was begging them. He and Melissa split up for a while. He was desperate to find me. He hit rock bottom when he heard from a friend of his that I tried to commit suicide. Even his friends judged him harshly after what he has done. His friends saw me as a big brother too. So they all refused to be at his wedding with Melissa. Melissa and he reconciled 2 years ago. By that time Melissa was a single mom. She feels guilty about what she has done because the father of her child has cheated on her and left her. She also wanted to meet me and say sorry. From there they rekindled their romance. Lastly, he said he cannot go through with the wedding. He called it off and he fought with Melissa and they broke up again. He wants me to be with him in his most important day. He knows I have disowned him. But he is willing to do anything to reconcile. Even if it takes him his whole life. That's it. There was bunch of whining stuff that I ignored. I deleted the email. My therapist said, forgiveness isn't something that is forced. It comes from subconscious level when we know we can forgive that person. And it should be an option only when someone shows that they are sorry by their actions and not by their words. Honestly, I don't want to. I know I am being petty and cruel but I am happy the way my life is. Adding him will cause stress. My wife told me to forget it. My brother is not guilty at all. As soon as I forgive him, he would go back to Melissa. He needs to figure out his life his own. I have babied him enough. Now it is his turn to be an adult. Edit: People asking me if my brother's life so I want to clear it out. I do not have any idea what he has been doing with his life. I moved away from my place further from him. I transferred my job too. He must have known my place of work from where he got the email. For 10 years of my life I pretended he doesn't exist along with therapy. I treated him like he was someone dead. I don't know what went down with him and Melissa. But from his email I can paint a picture that they broke up after dating few years. His friends were unhappy with him dating this woman. And they decided to drop the wedding because of Melissa. My brother told me he doesn't want to get married unless I am there to support him. That could be anyone, doesn't have to be Melissa. Why Melissa came back I don't know. Maybe she thought I would accept her like a doormat but she knows me better than that. I am stubborn when it comes to holding grudge. I didn't know I had an impact on his friends so much. They were good people who would hangout with us. Though they were younger they treated me like their own brother. I did get apologies from 2 of his friends who never had a positive male role model after I blocked my brother. I don't have any contact with them **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Ok_Pomegranate2764** >Well OP your brother is facing the consequences for his actions harshly but every choice we make has a price and he should have known that when he was meeting your ex behind your back. I don't blame you at all. Melissa got what she deserved. Her ex cheating on her is her karma for having slept with your brother. You've done so much for him and I think that if he truly regrets what he did to you he will get back on his own feet without asking for your help. I wonder how he even had the audacity to invite you to the wedding with his now ex knowing how much both of them hurt you? You were right for not attending. Forgiveness can't be forced. Whenever you think you're ready to forgive him you will if not then not. I don't judge you for not forgiving him. **OOP replied** >If he truly regretted this he wouldn't have decided to marry Melissa, the woman who destroyed my life along with my brother. What did he think? I will forget all the pain and trauma they have caused me? Forgiveness doesn't set you free. It creates a different trap. Over the years I have learned forgiveness is a tool made by cowards who just wants to get away with their wrongdoings without facing any consequences. They think having forgiveness removes the toll of guilt they have. True forgiveness is never forced, it is earned. He still has done nothing to earn that. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My brother is getting married to my ex and invited me to the wedding.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14xn2wl/my_brother_is_getting_married_to_my_ex_and/

14xrut8

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Smart_Elderberry_709 **in** r/TwoHotTakes *Reminder: Do not Comment on linked posts* trigger warnings: >!sexualization of a minor, inappropriate behavior, derogatory language!< mood spoilers: >!confusion, anger, stress, sadness!< &#x200B; [**My husbands best friend sexualized my daughter at her sweet sixteen**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14p8v00/my_husbands_best_friend_sexualized_my_daughter_at/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, July 03, 2023 So I never expected I would be a write in but I need some external help with this. Sorry if formatting is weird or wording is jumbled up, I’m writing quick and on my phone. Me (42f) and my husband(45m) never have any big problems, we have five children (17m,16f,14m,10m,6m) and any fights we do have are over them. Which is what this was. We have a pool and we had a large amount of people here this weekend to celebrate my daughter’s sweet sixteen. Of course most of the guests were teenage girls/boys, but family and friends of me and my husbands came too. One of these friends was my husband's best friend (also 45) and girlfriend(32). We will call him H. I’ve never been too extremely fond of him or the age gap between him and his girlfriend. But alas our children do consider and call him their uncle. I'm close enough to his girlfriend to consider her a close friend though. Since all my daughters friends were all having big sweet sixteen parties she wanted one too. So the pool was all decorated and so was the inside and outside. And per her request she was the only one at the party in a red bathing suit so she would stand out. The party was going great until I was in the laundry room grabbing stuff when I overheard H talking in the room over. Most likely on his phone. He was saying how she was hotter than the girls he’d known as a teen, and he kind of wished she was turning 18 not 16. That any boy who fucked her would be doing a “service to god” and she looked too good in a red bathing suit… I stopped, I wasn’t immediately jumping to action, I was confused. This is a man my children grew up with, who babysitted them, stayed many nights over at our house, talking about my daughter in a way no one should talk about a child. I marched outside and dragged my husband into the house to the room H was in. I’ll admit, I yelled and told H he wasn’t allowed in my house or around any of our family again, especially our daughter, and to leave immediately, before telling my husband anything. H got red in the face and cussed at me and my husband for eavesdropping. I screamed at H to tell my husband what he was saying in my house about my daughter. H got even more mad before storming out and leaving in his girlfriend's car…without his girlfriend. My husband was getting irritated and demanded to know what happened, so I took a second to calm down before telling him. He told me we would deal with it later and just let our daughter have a great rest of the party. I agreed and we rejoined that party, even though we got a few looks. H’s girlfriend came up to me towards the end asking why H was spamming her phone telling her that I was a bitch, asshole, basically all the derogatory terms you can think, even going as far to say I was “a whore just like my slut daughter”. I was extremely appalled and dragged her over to my husband who gave me an exasperated look. He told me to let it die for just a bit and he will talk to H after the party. That was yesterday afternoon and My husband just recently came home after meeting up with H and staying the night. He said I was overreacting, that H wasn’t even talking about our daughter, that I shouldn’t have acted the way I did all day and I was connecting dots that weren’t supposed to be connected. I was upset and told him even if it wasn’t our daughter he was talking about, he’s still talking about a 16 year old in a inappropriate way. We argued for a long time before eventually he left again, saying he was going to drive to blow off steam. Now I’m in the bathroom shaking and crying. How am I supposed to just sit back and allow this creep near any of my children? I love my husband and I think he’s just been blinded by his loyalty to his friend. I don’t want to get a divorce, especially because I live across the country from my family, and I don’t want to leave my husband. I love him, But he isn’t taking me seriously in a serious situation. I keep thinking, even if he wasn’t talking about my daughter, he was still talking about someone the age of my daughter. It’s wrong in so many ways. I would have still acted this way if it was about someone else at the party. I keep thinking this is a nightmare and I’m going to wake up, but no, it’s reality. I’m just overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. Please help me. **EDIT**: Hey guys, OP here. Thanks for everyone who responded in the comments. I appreciate every single one of you and I’ve read just about every comment. My hearts go out to those who have gone through something like this in the past. My husband still isn’t back from his “drive”. I have a suspicion he might be out with H because I called H’s girlfriend (we’re gonna call her S now) to tell her everything, she told me he left that morning and hasn’t been home sense. Either me or my son are going to swing by her apartment and she’s gonna stay over here for a few nights (I don’t think she can stand to see H any more than I can). She’s been angry at him ever since the text messages. I’ve told my eldest son. He acted the way my husband should have acted. He’s angry and ready to hop in the car and find both H and my husband. I feel bad involving him but I need him to know what happened so he can protect his siblings. I’m unsure how I’m going to approach the rest of the kids with this but I am going to have separate talks with all of them about any inappropriate behavior H might have had. My eldest son told me that H never did anything to him, he noticed some behavior which was always strange but he blamed it on just being weird. So here are my plans. 1. H isn’t going to be allowed near any of my kids. Ever. This is a fine line if I decide to stay with my husband and he try’s to cross it? Than he will be the next one to go. (Btw my legal ppl, can I get a restraining order(s)? Is that how that works?) 2. I’m going to tell my husband he isn’t allowed home or allowed to talk to my kids. This is until I tell all of my children what happened, have talk with each of them separately, and me and him have a talk in a public space (I’m thinking cafe or park) with a friend there to mediate. Anything he needs until then can be brought to him by his sister. 3. Me and S are going to go through my husbands stuff and whatever she can grab from her and H’s apartment. We’re looking for any CP or things that are suspicious. I’m also worried about this third man, the one on the phone. Maybe S knows them. Also, not immediately the moment she gets here, we are going to wait until maybe tomorrow or even the next day. **EDIT 2:** I didn’t automatically assume my husband was into CP, it had been suggested by S over the phone after she read some of the comments on Reddit. She wanted to check H’s stuff and said we should check my husbands too. It’s just in case. Also I don’t know why my husband has been MIA for the past few nights, maybe he's just waiting for me to “calm down”. I haven’t sent the stay away message yet, which I might not. But Whenever we talk I’ll be asking all these questions and more. My husband and H met in high school and have been friends since. I’m quite used to my husband not backing me up, telling me I’m over exaggerating or setting me aside has been often in our relationship. I guess this has really opened my eyes about the past. I don’t plan on divorcing him yet , even though I know I jumped the gun on it last night. If there is something that I find suspicious or will make me reconsider this it’ll be thought about long and hard. I still love my husband, I know he loves all of our kids, I’m just waiting for him to admit or to apologize. About my kids, I will be talking to my daughter very soon and all of y’all’s advice has helped me so much on how to approach it. &#x200B;   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Smart_Elderberry_709/comments/14pxbvf/day_3_update_to_the_creepy_uncle_story_from_two/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 18 Hours After Original Post Okay guys! I think I’ve figured this out. A lot happened today and I’m stressed typing this So for those who did not see my comment earlier, I’m not getting a Divorce with my husband at this time. If anything sketchy or something I see that crosses a line that notion may change though. I did not immediately assume my husband was into CP, it’s something I assumed H was into. While on a phone call with S she said we should go through my husbands things too. I agreed, me and my husband have an open phone policy anyways (I’ll admit I’ve never checked his phone since our second was born) so it’s not like I was pushing boundaries by saying this. So today I had a very long talk with my second eldest son and my daughter. I told them what happened, though save a few details (like the text messages) and simply said that H had been saying inappropriate things. I told them that whatever happens going forward, it’s not their fault, nor is it my daughters in any way. It’s the pedophilic mind of someone we trusted. I asked them if he (or anyone) had done anything to any of them, and if they had, that I wouldn’t be angry at them, and would be proud they spoke up. My daughter said he would sometimes get too close, put his arm around her shoulders, but nothing that ever made her alarm bells go off in her head. I reiterated to her that she was not to blame for what happened and it’s all on H. We hugged and I held her as she cried for a bit. My second eldest son was quiet, which he often is, but he told me that he never really liked H and thought he was weird. I asked him again if anything happened and he said no. We talked about more things to do with this type of stuff and I think it ended well. My two youngest children simply know that H did bad stuff and we won’t be seeing him for a long long time. Then around lunch time my husband came home (I never did go through with telling him to stay away) and he was basically sobbing at my feet outside our front door. He told me he was so confused and angry about what happened, that he was convinced his best friend wasn’t like that. That he had been drinking last night after he left and fell into a bit of self hatred. He wasn’t with H though, but he had been texting with him that night. I asked him why he never stood up for me and my daughter, why he stayed the night with H. He said I was making a scene at our daughters bday party and didn’t want to ruin the day for her, and he stayed the night because it was too late anyways by the time he stopped talking with H. I hate this apology though, maybe it’s the comments echoing in my ears, but it felt fake and that he was minimizing my pain and maximizing his. I’m not sure He went silent when he saw S at the house though, I told him that she was staying a few nights. I didn’t give him much of an explanation. Later when I started to make dinner he came up behind me and hugged me. I pushed him back, told him that I didn’t want any physical touch with him anytime soon. He got angry, telling me that it was over now that he apologized and promised to stand up for us in the future. I told him that he has to make up for what he did in the past first, that he needs to talk with our daughter. He went to go sulk somewhere and I haven’t really seen much of him since. Hopefully that made enough sense as I’m rushing the last bit. Shoutout to everyone who’s been helping me it’s just a lot to do in a short time now that my husband is already back in the home. Also to the misogynists who keep telling me to take a step back and breath, that my husband is being logical and I am being emotional, scroll up three paragraphs to where he was blubbering on our doorstep.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My husbands best friend sexualized my daughter at her sweet sixteen

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14xrut8/my_husbands_best_friend_sexualized_my_daughter_at/

14xvz4y

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Severe-Reality5546 **Son has to change schools because of a classmate** **Originally posted to** r/Parenting **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Harassment, stalking and verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/10uhhdx/son_has_to_change_schools_because_of_a_classmate/) **Feb 5, 2023** My 13 year old son in in the 7th grade at a local private school. The school goes from pre-K to 8th grade. A boy transferred from another school to my son's class. At the start of the year, my son and this boy became friends, but the boy developed a romantic infatuation with my son. My son started trying to avoid him, but the other boy became more persistent. We had to talk to the school principal about it. The principal, in turn, had a meeting with the boy and his parents and the boy was told to stay away from my son. He also asked the teachers keep the boy away from my son in class. Now the boy is alternating between trash-talking my son to their classmates, while also still doing lots of little things to try to get my son to notice him. It has got to the point where we have decided that my son will finish the school year at this school and then we will transfer him to another school for 8th grade. My son, along with many of his classmates, have attended the school since pre-K and he was looking forward to graduating 8th grade at the school with his friends. Now that is not going to happen because of one shitty classmate. The reason we're going to finish the school year at this school is because we signed a contract. The contract gave us a discount to the tuition in return for committing to the entire school year. EDIT: We are not going to the police because there is no physical threat. We also are not going to lawyer up. The area I live in has many private schools, and even the public schools are pretty good. Some families (not us obviously) move their kid from one school to another every couple of years. The only reason my son isn't going to a public school is because the public school classes are larger than the private schools, and we think our son will do better with smaller classes offered by the private schools. EDIT #2: My wife didn't know I was going to post this. She's read my posts and the responses. She reminded me that over the last three years, three of my son's classmates have left the school because they were the target of harassment/bullying and the parents feel the school didn't do enough about ending it. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** JRclarity123 >I assume your son has tried saying he isn't interested? When he said he wasn't interested, did the boy just continue his pursuit? Or was the friendship terminated because of the romantic interest? Do the other kids listen to the new kid, even though your son has been there way longer? Why is that? Other than the trash talk, what else is this kid doing that would make you want to pull your son from the school? Is it sexual harassment? You said, "lots of little things." Are these "little things" that the school has noticed? Seems like an overreaction to remove your kid without making the school address it first. This is a failure on their end for sure. Is this a religious school? Is the boy openly out of the closet already? And if so, how did the school react? OOP replied >This is a Catholic school. I would describe it as "Catholic Lite": They have a short prayer as part of their daily announcements, they have a few hours of religious instruction each week, and a mass a couple of times during the school year. >Yes my son has made it clear he isn't interested. It was when the other boy persisted that we escalated this to the principal. For what I assume are privacy reasons, the principal will not tell us much. >While there are several kids in my son's class that have been there a long time, there is some churn of new/departing students each year. Several of the other boys in his class that transferred in over the last few years came from the same school as the problem child. The boy's parents likely decided on my son's school because the other kids were there. >Examples of little things are trying to sit next to my son or talk to him during break even though he's been told not to. Or when my son is talking to some of the other boys, this boy will come up and try to get into the conversation. One day he "accidentally" took my son's lunch, returning it about 10 minutes later. He said he didn't notice my son's name on the package when he took it. And then there's the "shit talk" I already wrote about. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/14cyupq/update_son_has_to_change_schools_because_of_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **June 18, 2023** We talked to the principal about continuing problems with the other boy trying to get close to our son. Principal said he'd talk to him and his parents again. He suggested getting the boys together to work things out. My jaw hit the floor at that suggestion. The other boy was doing everything in his power to be with my son and this would be giving him exactly what he wanted. So that was a hard no. We made plans to change schools for our son's 8th grade. We applied to two other private schools and was accepted by both. One is secular, but it is too expensive and we didn't qualify for financial aid. The other turned out to be way too religious for my comfort. I can tolerate the "Catholic Lite" he's had, but this other school was over the top in my opinion. In the meantime, the other boy switched his attention to someone else in the class and stopped trying to get close to my son. Then the boy made a threat against another student within earshot of a teacher and that's all she wrote; the boy was suspended or expelled -- I don't know which because the school wouldn't tell us. Either way, he did not return for the remainder of the school year and it is our understanding he will not return in the fall. Since our son wants to finish 8th grade at his current school, and the problem kid was gone, we reluctantly signed him up for another year at the school. We bought tuition insurance, so if the other boy does return, or we have other problems, we can pull our son out without being stuck paying for the entire school-year of tuition. However, we're only kicking the can down the street. We're not going to send our son to a private high school because they're too far away and too expensive. So our son will be attending a local public high school. Unfortunately, we're in the same high-school district as the other boy. We'll have to deal with that next year... TL;DR version of update: We made plans to change schools. Other boy got himself suspended/expelled and will not be at the school next year. So my son's not changing schools. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Son has to change schools because of a classmate

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

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14ya23u

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/trashgirlfriend. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I didn't change anything in this post except the spelling of fiancée. **Mood Spoiler:** >!mostly fine!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14qk4c9/wibta_if_i_go_on_vacation_instead_of_my_brothers/)**: July 4, 2023** My brother Tom (36m) and I (26f) have never had a really solid relationship, due to our age gap we didn't spend much time and by the time I was old enough to develop a personality he was moved out of the house. For the last two years my brother and his fiancée Sarah (32f) have been planning their wedding. And it's coming up in September. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I figured i was only asked as a courtesy since I'm her soon to be sister in law but I still took it seriously. I have been a bridesmaid for the last two years. Just a few weeks ago I managed to save up to buy the 800 dollar bridesmaid dress. Over all in the last two years between group outings to parties, dinners, lunches, clothes, etc… I spent thousands of dollars. Eventually all the girls in the wedding and I became extremely close and I started to get hyped for the wedding. Sarah recently got close with her brother's wife Becky (30f). Last week she dropped the ball on me that she no longer wants me to be a bridesmaid and she would prefer if Becky would take my place. It broke my heart a little but it's her wedding and it's not my place to tell her how to run it so I said it was fine. Yesterday I went to my brother's house to pick up the bridesmaid's dress, and was going to see if I could return it since it was within the time frame. Sarah was completely appalled and said that Becky was going to wear it since she and I are the same size. I said that would be fine, but they would have to pay me the 800 for it. Sarah said that Becky couldn't afford and I should just be nice and let her use it and said that I could keep it after the wedding. I explained that I'm not just giving away the dress, and I'm not ever going to usei after the wedding. After some bickering back and forth I just ended up taking it and leaving. My brother and Sarah tried to compromise with me, and say I could be "the assistant flower girl" and I felt offended at the offer. After I said no, they then said that Becky could give me 250 bucks for it. Again no and I returned the dress and got a full refund. I told them I understand that it's their wedding but they are being extremely disrespectful to me and I don't need to deal with it and I'm not going to the wedding. Today my coworker says she has an extra round trip plane ticket to go to Miami that she'll sell to me for half price plus I would have to pay for half the hotel and I can go hang out with her in Florida. The only downside is that I'll be in Florida for the week of my brother's wedding. So will I be the asshole if I just go party in miami instead of going to my brother's wedding? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why can't they add another bridesmaid?* "The reason they wouldn't just add another brides maid is because there "isn't enough room at the table"" *F Them they did you dirty:* "That's what I was thinking. I would also lose out on the 800 dollar dress, and if I was going to be the "assistant flower girl" I would have to buy ANOTHER dress. This whole ordeal has stressed me out. Maybe I need to relax in Miami." *What others say:* "My mom has been calling Switzerland. She supports me with whatever I plan to do. My brother has been on his brides side, and says I am being childish. My co worker is currently trying to convince me to keep my mouth shut about my trip, and then start posting photos of it on my socials an hour before the wedding." *Someone calls BS because plane tickets aren't transferable:* "Wait they're not? Neither of us has been on a plane before." *When told to check with the airline:* "We are looking into it right now. She's saying worse case scenario, she can just refund the ticket and help me buy a new one in my name." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14sq70q/update_wibta_if_i_go_on_vacation_instead_of_my/)**: July 6, 2023 (2 days later)** Update! So unfortunately since reddit is awful at keeping secrets, Becky saw the post on TikTok so she obviously let the cat out of the bag. My whole family is split on what I should do, but after a heated argument it was mutually agreed that I will not be attending the wedding. My brother and FSIL cannot seem to comprehend that this is not about the dress but how they treated me. For those wondering what our parents have to say, our mother says "if you're gunna be an asshole don't be upset when someone's an asshole back" my dad says "..." Because he's long dead. My brother & FSIL thinks I am the asshole but by the way my mom paid for the hotel for my trip, I think it is safe to assume whose side she's low key on. I appreciate all the love and support I got, I will have an amazing time in Maimi and won't feel the slightest bit guilty thanks to the overwhelmingly positive response I got on here. Thanks you all! ***Relevant Comment:*** *Did you use their actual names and ages in your OG post?* "I used fake names, but I guess me talking about an 800 dollar dress and getting booted from a wedding was oddly specific."

WIBTA if I go on vacation instead of my brothers wedding?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ya23u/wibta_if_i_go_on_vacation_instead_of_my_brothers/

14ya3fj

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Emmamemmanema. She posted in r/offmychest. Please read the trigger warnings. **Trigger Warning:** >!non-consensual nude distribution; sexual exploitation; death!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!dark and sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/140f4df/i_found_my_nudes_on_my_brothers_pc/)**: June 4, 2023** About two months ago now my brother passed away. It has devastated my family and we have been slowly putting ourselves back together. My mum has finally got to the point where she is comfortable going through his belongings that got sent to us from his flat and she gave me his PC among other bits to take a look at and see if I could do anything with it. I know a fair bit about computers so I thought I would set it up to see what still worked. It booted up fine and to my surprise he didn't have a password on it, he lived on his own so I guess he never needed to keep anyone out. Out of a sort of morbid curiosity I opened the browser, I thought I could maybe see some of the last things he was looking at towards the end and I saw a link to his Google photos in his favourites bar, I thought this was an amazing chance to get back some of the photos we might have never seen, get some photos of his friends and adventures he'd been on over the years. On the side I saw his albums and one of them had my name on it. In this album was a fuck ton of my nudes, videos and screenshots of some of my Instagram posts and stories. I didn't go through it for long but it was a massive amount. I have no fucking idea how he got hold of them or why the hell he'd been collecting them. I used to be in a long distance relationship with my ex who loved me sending him pictures and videos but there's no way he would have sent them to my brother. Now I don't know what to do which is why I'm posting it here I guess, I can't tell anyone, I now feel so different about him and I don't understand why he would have done this. Was he attracted to me? Did he get off to these? Or was it just some sort of compulsion he had? I'm a mix of disgusted and devastated and I just don't know how to move on from it, I keep feeling a need to go back and look how far back this collection goes but I know I shouldn't. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you know your long distance boyfriend in real life? Did you leave your phone unattended with your brother? What is your age gap?* "Yeah I knew my ex we just only got to see each other every other weekend because of his work. I never left my phone unattended that I knew of but we lived in the same house until I was 18 and moved out so there's no way of knowing. I only tended to see him every special occasion at my parents place for the last few years really. There's a 2 year age gap, I'm the eldest" *That's a lot to process. Is there anyone you can talk to outside the situation? A therapist?* "Thank you for the kind words, yeah I would love to open up to someone but I don't have that many friends and those I do knew him pretty well so I wouldn't want to discuss it with them, I just can't get the image out of my head of him pleasuring himself to pictures he was never meant to see, it's a lot." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/143apo3/i_found_my_nudes_on_my_brothers_pc_update/)**: June 7, 2023 (3 days later)** First off I want to say a massive thank you to everyone who reached out after my last post, it has been so nice to have the support from you guys and finally get this off my chest, it has been a rollercoaster of a week. I think I can update you all in three parts: Firstly a lot of people were suspicious of my ex and some even suggested that it was my brother catfishing me all along. I can confirm that's not the case because I went through all of the photos my brother had of me and many of them were from before and after my ex was even in my life, so it must have been some account access he had to all my photos to be able to access from that far back. Second, I did a reverse image search on most of the photos and most of them have been posted online and reposted all over the place. I'm trying to not think about why he would have done this and just accept that it's happened. I could go through the massive process of trying to get them all taken down but it doesn't seem worth it for my own health. Luckily any photos and videos that ended up on more popular places like Reddit weren't very popular (fuck me right) so I'm not worried about them coming back to haunt me. The internet is a massive place filled with naked people so I am confident they will get lost to time. And finally, I have booked in with a therapist, I start on Monday and I am both terrified and excited, we will see how it goes but I am ready to get this all right in my head so I can finally move on. All my passwords are changed and my photos are in safer places now so I am ready for my life to start back up again and finally grieve. Thanks again everyone ✌️ ***Again, I am not the Original Poster. Please remember the no brigading rule and do not comment on the original posts. Please let me know if I should add any trigger warnings.***

I found my nudes on my brother's PC

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ya3fj/i_found_my_nudes_on_my_brothers_pc/

14ya575

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Hot_Relation899 **OOP has since deleted her account** **I stalked my husband for two years before I formally met him** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14msxs3/i_stalked_my_husband_for_two_and_a_half_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 30, 2023** I (24F) married my husband (28M) about a year and a half ago. The first time I saw my husband I was a freshman in high school, he was a freshman in college. He was walking his dog at the park, when he stopped to talk to my brother (27M) because they happened to go to high school together. That was the moment I became hooked. That same day I found his Instagram, his family’s social media, and also where he lived since my brother offered to walk him home while I tagged along. When I got home that day I knew I wanted him, but of course I was only 14 while he was 18, so I came up with a plan. I found out his younger brother was only one year younger than me and would be attending my current high school. I figured that I had to befriend his younger brother by any means possible next year when he moves up as a freshman while I become a sophomore, and I did. It took around halfway of my junior year where we became best friends and he invited me over regularly to his house to hangout, this is where I was able to befriend my current husband’s mom, and god did she love to talk about him. From her, I found out what college he goes to, his past girlfriends, what his elementary/middle school was, his favorite/least favorite foods, his pet peeves, what he likes, etc etc. Eventually when my visits started getting more and more frequent, I formally met current husband again. Current husband, I’ll call him E, would come over every other week and stay for either Friday-Sunday, or Saturday to Sunday. On those days specifically I would wear my cutest outfits to impress him, and also joke around with him a lot. Eventually I befriended him as well. A little background on E, he is the school record holder for a certain sport at my school, which I just so happened to do. And around halfway through my senior year E came back during the season to help coach the current high school athletes, which included me, in order to get some more volunteer work hours in, and I got to spend a lot more time with him. I loved every second of it. We were friends before, but then we became much closer since I got to spend lots of extra time with him after school, where sometimes he would even drive me home since we lived relatively close. Fast forward to when I had to move away to NYC for college, E moved with me since he coincidentally got a job near my college. (Edit: I lied, it wasn’t a coincidence. I found out he got a job offer and applied to a college nearby his workplace) Being eachothers only friends in a new state, we became incredibly close. We started dating when I was almost a sophomore year of college, he proposed to me after I graduated, and we just got married almost a year ago. He knows absolutely nothing about how I truly know him, and believes it is fate that brought us together through his younger brother. Lately I have been debating on whether or not I should tell him, or at least his younger brother the truth, since the only reason I befriended him was to get closer to E. I feel guilty every time he tells others our love story, because the truth is, I’ve known him for 10 years, while he’s only known me for about 7. UPDATE: I read a reply saying that the best thing for MYSELF is to keep it a secret, which is what a lot of people are saying, but the best thing for HIM is to tell him, and I figured that person really is right. I will be telling him this Tuesday on his day off, he deserves to know who he married. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14rzzt4/update_i_stalked_my_husband_for_two_years_before/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 6, 2023** I told him this fourth of July. After the fireworks mostly ended and we were heading back, I asked him in the car, "Wouldn't it have been weird if we met each other before the first time we actually met? But we just didn't think of each other as significant at the time?" He smiled and turned to me saying, "Pfft, that's impossible. There's no universe where we would have met and I would not think of you as significant." That statement struck me in the heart, because I knew I would soon prove that sentence VERY wrong, but i continued on with my plan anyway. "What if I told you we have met each other before? Before that time I was introduced as 'E's little brother's friend'?" He looked at me like I was crazy, so that's when I pulled over on the side of the road and pulled out my phone to show him the post I put up here before, that explained everything. He took about 8 minutes to read the whole thing, and when he finished he put the phone down and stared straight ahead, almost like he was dumbfounded, scared, and confused all at the same time. I started throwing out every excuse and apology I could muster at the moment for about 15 minutes straight when he decided to tell me to stop, and I did. Then he just sat there and sobbed uncontrollably for about 10 minutes before he finally asked me how much of our relationship, and how much of my identity, was fabricated according to his liking, I told him the honest truth, none of my personality or identity was fabricated for him, accept for the fact of how we met. The only thing I ever changed about myself to make him like me more was lying about liking Chinese food, I hate Chinese food. But other than that everything else was real. Although my friendship with his younger brother was built upon ill intentions, my friendship between his brother and I are now one of the most genuine friendships I have now. He just cried and told me that he does not want to divorce at all, but he does want us to have some time apart so that he could absorb the truth that I gave him. He also said that he expects me to tell his brother and mom this Friday because they deserve to know the truth just as much as he did. I told him okay, and we drove the rest of the ride home in silence. When we got home he hugged me and cried for about 5 minutes before he got out the car, packed his stuff, and said that he will be staying at a nearby hotel for now. He said that he knows that he still loves me, but does not yet know how to react to the fact that the beginning of our relationship was very, very orchestrated. To sum it all up, I guess telling him was a success? I honestly don't know. He sent me a goodnight and I love you text last night while he was at the hotel, so I guess he's noy as much mad as he may be betrayed? UPDATE 2: Woke up this morning to find out that "hubby" not only lied about going to a hotel to stay at, but also lied about not wanting a divorce, through a text message. He went to his family's home, not a fuvking hotel. Told them the entire story himself, probably exaggerated it too to make me seem crazy. His whole family wants nothing to do with me too, claims I'm psycho. He said that he lied about going to a hotel, because he knew if he told the truth I would try to stop him? Honestly I feel so betrayed. I tried to be a good wife by showing him the true me, and this is what he does? I did all this work just for it to end up like this? Honestly, I kind of deserve it. I didn't even tell him in the first place because I felt bad, I told him because I had a suspicion that he was catching on to the fact that I knew him for two and a half years before he knew me, largely because I found out he was keeping my old phone in his work desk. My old phone that has screenshots of a lot of his old instagram posts, plans in my notes app about him, etc. So I guess he never truly loved me if he can't even get past an honest confession like this one. I might update this in a few years when I find a new husband lol. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

I stalked my husband for two years before I formally met him

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14ya575/i_stalked_my_husband_for_two_years_before_i/

14yoc1e

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAocelot23 **in** r/relationship_advice *Reminder: Do not comment on liked posts* trigger warnings: >!Emotional manipulation, mention of medical procedures!< mood spoilers: >!frustration, resolve!< [**My (37f) husband (37m) is angry I need surgery**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14q61xz/my_37f_husband_37m_is_angry_i_need_surgery/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, July 04, 2023 As the title says. My husband and I have been together 15 years, house, kids the whole lot. I need a surgery to repair some nerve and artery damage to my arm or else I'm going to lose the use of that arm and my husband is not happy about it. It's not even about money (public healthcare) or that he's scared/worried, no he's pissed because I will need time off work (we own a company together as equals) and he will need to adjust his days to work around our school aged kids while I recover. He's stomping around and slamming doors like a child all pissy that his schedule will be affected and won't even talk to me about the surgery. I'm so stressed about his reaction and all the things I'll have to do at home instead of recovery because he said he won't "pick up my slack" that I'm just thinking stuff it, no surgery and just wait till I can't use my arm anymore and at least I'll get funded home help for the housework and kids when that happens and try to adjust to a new lifestyle. But you would think after this long and building a life together he would have some ability to show me a bit of support. It's not like I'm doing this on purpose just to ruin his plans or something, I'd prefer not to have surgery too but I have kinda grown fond of having 2 functional arms. So good people of Reddit, what advice do you have? I think my husband is being a complete C U Next Tuesday about this, but should I try to be more understanding of the stress he would be under?   [**Update: My (37f) husband (37m) is angry I need surgery**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14rz0ri/update_my_37f_husband_37m_is_angry_i_need_surgery/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Thu, July 06, 2023 Hi all. So it's been quite a ride since my first post and it hasn't even been that long! First of all thank you to everyone who commented, I didn't think it would blow up the way it did! I read nearly every comment but wow it was a lot. Those of you who said it was fake or said I was lying, all I can say is I'm am so glad you are able to think that because hopefully that means you have love and support in your life. Ok so most important thing first, I have an appointment with a surgeon on Tuesday. I'm making the choice to have the surgery. I have organized childcare and will be driving myself to the appointment as my husband is too busy at work to come with. I spoke to him yesterday about the surgery, my feelings and needs. I used "I" statements to try not to make him feel like I was accusing him or attacking him but honestly it was like talking to a brick wall. One word answers, shoulder shrugs, "uh huhs. I tried asking how he was feeling about it or what he needed nothing worked. I finally kind of lost it and asked why he thinks this is no big deal and not worthy of his attention at all and well turns out he "doesn't think it's that bad" and I'm just being dramatic. I mean if you ignore the drs reports, the imaging reports, the diagnostic tests and the surgeons report....I'm still not being dramatic! I still work full time, do all the house and kid duties, run all the errands and never use my arm as an excuse. So long story short, I'm seeing the surgeon next week and my husband and I are in separate beds for the time being because I can't deal with his face right now. Everything else I will work out later once I have more of a concrete plan with my surgery. But thank you everyone, you helped me balls up and take my own health seriously and do what I needed to do.    **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (37F) husband (37M) is angry I need surgery

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14yoc1e/my_37f_husband_37m_is_angry_i_need_surgery/

14yvrf4

**I am NOT OP. Original post on AskAManager** trigger warnings: >!medical trauma, body shaming!< mood spoilers: >!frustration, relief, happy!< &#x200B; [**HR won’t do anything about a coworker who’s angry about my weight loSs**](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html) \- FEBRUARY 8, 2023 I just came back to work after a month-long emergency medical leave. The tl:dr is that after a decade of medical gaslighting, a new doctor ordered an emergency MRI during a routine visit and discovered a mass in my abdomen. I was rushed into surgery within 24 hours. I ended up having an 18-pound benign tumor pressing on my vital organs and I was about a week away from multiple organ failure. I’m lucky to be alive and time will tell if I have any lasting organ damage but right now everything is fine. Mentally I’m struggling with a few things but the only outwardly noticeable impact is that I’ve gone from a size 20 to a size 8. Nobody on my medical team anticipated a change this drastic but I’m healthy and lucky. I was expecting to get a lot of questions from my coworkers because curiosity exists. I had a basic “emergency surgery but I’m fine now” answer that almost everyone accepted but one coworker who I hardly speak to, Aubrey. On my first day back to work, Aubrey came up to me and said, “I wish you had come to me to lose the weight instead of resorting to such drastic measures. You’re going to gain it all back, you know. I’ll be waiting.” I was aware of Aubrey’s reputation, but since we never work together I didn’t think it would be an issue. She’s one of those people who think they’re a fitness expert and calls herself a “health coach” (nothing to do with the company we work for). She has a reputation for giving out unsolicited and incorrect “health advice” and is always commenting on people’s food choices. I was speechless when she asked why I “opted to get butchered instead of putting in the hard work to lose the weight.” There’s nothing wrong with someone choosing surgical weight loss options, but that’s not what happened to me and I really resented her aggressive attitude/spreading rumors. During my second week back, she came by my office at the end of the day in athletic gear offering to go with me if I was “too afraid to go to the gym alone.” At the time I wasn’t even cleared to lift my kid, do laundry, or climb a flight of stairs, let alone go to the gym with this crackpot. I don’t remember what I said to her, but she left saying I’d gain the weight back because I’m lazy. The next day Aubrey ranted angrily about me in a meeting I wasn’t in (missed it for a follow-up, ironically). I don’t know everything that was said, but the gist was that if I can’t dedicate myself to weight loss, I obviously can’t see my work obligations through. HR called for a red flag mediation. At our company, mediation can go against your bonus opportunities for the year. I have no idea why I’m in mediation when she’s the one being an asshat. At the mediation, Aubrey stated that she was triggered by my “new body” and I should have “thought of other people’s feelings and warned” her before my surgery. I hardly had time to warn my husband and get my kid out of daycare. I don’t owe Aubrey anything. I have empathy that she’s obviously struggling, but that does not excuse her behavior. HR said that while they can’t ask me to explain my medical history, it might clear the air if I told her what kind of surgery I had and why. I said I wasn’t obligated to share my medical information with anyone and that Aubrey having bad coping skills doesn’t entitle her to a coworker’s personal health information. Their response was kind of “well, then we can’t stop her from bullying you.” After Thanksgiving, my doctor helped me put in ADA accommodation paperwork so I could work from home. I was having some mild complications from surgery but also to avoid Aubrey. This company hates remote work so they’re REALLY not happy. Aubrey still emails me workout videos and diet plans and when I forward them to HR their response is, “Noted. Do you know when you’re coming back to the office?” I’ve been thinking about escalating this to corporate with an employment lawyer. Is that overkill? I’m still in a sensitive place after my surgery and I have no energy for this, especially since Aubrey is fixated on weight loss which was the primary way doctors gaslit me for years. I’ve been with this company for five years and I’m just exhausted and disappointed in how they’re handling this and I want it over yesterday. &#x200B; [**UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/04/update-hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html) \- APRIL 17, 2023 All I have to say for this update is hold on to your bananapants. I saw a lot of comments asking where management was in all this, so I’ll address that first. My boss, “George,” was getting ready to retire while this was going on. George is roughly my grandfather’s age, so this entire situation bewildered both him and his replacement, who he was training at the time. Both of them met with Aubrey’s boss, because believe me I was documenting everything she did from the jump, and they all assured me that Aubrey would be dealt with. None of them recommended the red flag mediation, that was HR’s idea. I was given details of the meeting where Aubrey ranted about me and it was horrible, but apparently Aubrey was asked to leave by her own boss while several other employees told her to stop, so managerially and in the office in general, people were trying to rein her in from many different angles. HR is where the ball dropped and dropped hard. This company just has a poor HR structure and bad entry to mid-level HR. When Aubrey’s boss referred her to HR regarding her negative behavior, HR took it upon themselves to consider it a mediation situation (which, remember, at our company can go against your bonus for the year) despite communication from George, his replacement, and Aubrey’s boss saying I wasn’t in the wrong. When George found out about this, he spoke to the HR generalists’ manager, who said that my “absence probably caused a lot of strain and extra work for Aubrey” when Aubrey’s not even credentialed to do what I do. Management made a point to tell me how baffled and upset they were with HR’s handling of the situation every time something came up. My company mentor was also a huge support during this time until she decided to take another job elsewhere. When my doctor extended my ADA work-from-home accommodation a second time, HR responded by telling me my attendance was a “concern.” I emailed their boss’s boss, the HR director, and asked for clarification. He said I hadn’t come in to the office so of course my attendance was a problem, I reiterated I had medical documentation stating that if WFH wasn’t available then they could refer to the FMLA documentation my medical team also sent. He replied that medical documentation, including both FMLA and ADA reasonable accommodations, “doesn’t hold much weight” with the company. That’s when I got a lawyer. Aubrey as a problem kind of drifted to the background when HR started their “medical documentation doesn’t matter” campaign. On my lawyer’s recommendation, I contacted the HR executive team, which is where this whole cursed situation came to light. (And I did check with my lawyer about emailing this update and they laughed and said I couldn’t leave people hanging after all that.) I called the chief HR officer (which for my company is going over like five people’s heads, but I did it with George’s and my new boss’s blessings), who is the head of HR, and asked why my attendance was an issue when I had reasonable ADA documentation. She had no idea what I was talking about so I filled her in on all of it — including the mediation meeting and Aubrey’s harassment and the HR director (her direct report) saying medical documentation didn’t hold any weight with the company. She was speechless and asked to meet with me and my lawyer as soon as possible. My lawyer hardly had to do anything during the meeting because the CHRO was horrified at everything I told her. I’ve never actually seen steam come out of someone’s ears, but if it was physically possible it would have happened here. My lawyer didn’t need to say a word but just nodded and smiled when the CHRO offered an extended paid medical leave so I could handle my recovery and said Aubrey constantly sending me fitness plans would be “dealt with swiftly.” I didn’t hear anything out of Aubrey for a long time but I did hear through some gossip channels that the HR staff involved in the red flag meeting/threatening to write me up were let go. Aubrey wasn’t fired because they believed she was misled by HR, so I understand that part even if I don’t agree with it, but she was on a tight PIP for a while. Then she showed up at my house. Now we move from bananapants to full-on banana ensemble. I’m still on leave and out of the blue, Aubrey showed up at my door on a weekend with two other women in tow and the commenters guessed it: she’s in very deep with an MLM (or maybe a cult, I can’t be sure at this point). Aubrey came over to “demonstrate” some workout techniques and give me some diet “supplement” samples and discuss a “career opportunity” because she was worried about my “physical and professional health.” She didn’t make it past my mother-in-law, who has been a godsend right now. My mother-in-law made it clear where Aubrey could stick her demonstration and they left in a hurry. I notified my lawyer and the CHRO and suffice it to say, Aubrey is now a full-time “wellness coach.” I’m happy I went with my gut and got a lawyer because the company has changed so drastically over the last year with the toxic HR department encouraging behavior like Aubrey’s and spreading false information about medical leave and time off, the company is almost unrecognizable. Also with my boss and mentor both gone, I don’t know if I’m going to go back once I’m medically cleared. The company is also undergoing a restructuring right now and my department may end up distributed between other parts of the company or even other parts of the state. I have been looking at jobs and doing some resume drafting for a full-time remote position since it feels like it might be a better fit. But many thanks to the comment section and all the support! &#x200B; [**NEW UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/06/update-hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss-2.html) \- JUNE 12, 2023 I got an offer from a local company that’s going fully remote with administration and management meeting up once a month. The salary was right, it’s 90% remote, it’s a good fit, so I’m happy with it. My role is HR adjacent as head of payroll. I report to the COO and was hired by the CEO and COO. I walk in to our first admin meeting and who is sitting across from me but the HR Director who told me medical documentation doesn’t matter and orchestrated my red-flag meeting, let’s call him “Bob.” Bob is the interim HR director for this company. Bob looked very uncomfortable when he saw me. We went through some employee files, including several who are on maternity leave and two who were injured on a job site. Bob got quieter as we began reviewing medical documentation and approving paid leave. I smiled and looked him in the eye every time I asked, “And does Jill have her medical documentation? Great! Medical documentation holds a lot of weight. That’s important stuff to have.” He looked like he wanted to melt into his seat. At one point he tried to argue against someone using their PTO to provide end of life care for a parent when they had ample PTO. I smiled and said, “You’re right, our employee support fund should cover half this time. It’s a shame for them to have to lose all their PTO when they’re obviously going to need it to heal and grieve over the next few months. Why don’t you get me the paperwork for the support fund this afternoon? That’s so generous.” Everyone was happy and in agreement. He looked like he swallowed a lemon but everyone was like “OMG Bob how thoughtful.” He had to eat it so bad and got me the documentation an hour later. Bob can suck it. Bob is also only a contractor so he’ll be moving on soon anyway. Medically I’m doing better, and very happy to move on from where I was. Aubrey’s been full-on radio silence which is perfect for me. Thanks AAM team and commenters! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Lawyers, boss babes, and an 18 pound tumor? Two words: batshit bananapants [NEW UPDATE]

EXTERNAL

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14yvrf4/lawyers_boss_babes_and_an_18_pound_tumor_two/

14yynb6

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Crows are considered to be incredibly intelligent birds. They can remember faces and tell other crows about specific people. (Thank you u/PitaEnigma for the fact) CW: >!Doxing, Harrasment!< Mood Spoilers: >!A little bit satisfying but much is unresolved!< *I am not the original poster, that would be* u/Never-On-Reddit \- *OOP First Post These Screen Shots On* r/Lyft *and* r/mildlyinfuriating*. I have included a transcript of them.* [**After a serious safety incident where my Lyft driver refused to pick me up unless I (F) gave him my personal phone number and email (leaving me standing on the street in a dangerous area at 5am) Lyft is refusing to refund my $5 cancellation. (Originally Posted June 5th, 2023)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Lyft/comments/141efkf/after_a_serious_safety_incident_where_my_lyft/) \[The first is a convo between OOP and the Lyft Driver\] >Driver: I'm in the black infiniti Driver: There is an update today, please send the phone number and your email OOP: morning, I'm ready Driver: please send your phone number Driver: please send your email OOP: I don't think that's necessary Driver: We're checking your account information \[The second screenshot is a convo between OOP and a representative that provides message support\] >OOP: I am not yet safe because I am standing on the street in a spot where a driver knows I am. I am waiting for an Uber ride instead. Representative: (Redacted) want to thank you for giving us the confidence to talk about this incident, I really appreciate the time that you invest letting us know about this situation. OOP: The driver repeatedly asked for my phone number and my email address and his car was not moving so he was refusing to pick me up until I gave him my personal information. I tried to refuse but he said he needed to have it for some kind of account verification. It was clearly a scam, as a single woman, I did not feel safe riding with this man. \[The third is a message sent from Ask Lyft to OOP\] >Ask Lyft: Thank you for sending that over, (redacted). We can only imagine how vulnerable and unsafe you must've been feeling after receiving these messages from your driver. You will never be paired with this driver again. We looked into this, and it looks like our Safety Team has taken the appropriate action with the driver in this case. Due to our Privacy Policy, we are unable to share details of another users account or status at Lyft. However, we can assure you that all appropriate and necessary actions have been taken with regards to this incident. We understand that you've requested a refund. While we're unable to provide a refund for this ride, we assure you that your concerns have been appropriately addressed by the best-equipped team. Please let us know if you have any additional questions or concerns. \- Then she posted this on r/TwoXChromosomes [**This is why many women don't feel safe using rideshare services. After a serious safety incident where my Lyft driver refused to pick me up unless I gave him my personal phone number and email (leaving me alone in a high crime area at night) Lyft ignored me saying I wasn't safe and refused to refund (Originally Posted June 5th, 2023)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/141er76/this_is_why_many_women_dont_feel_safe_using/) I prebooked a driver on Lyft, because I was in an unsafe part of the city, staying with a friend who had to dodge stray bullets while walking the dog at 2pm just two weeks ago. I get my suitcases downstairs, driver is nearby, so I go outside, closing the door behind me. (I don't have a key and my friend is asleep) Suddenly the driver starts texting me repeatedly asking for my personal phone number and email, saying he needs it because there is "an update". This is obviously completely wrong, there is no reason for the driver to get this info. A criminal scam at best, a dangerous safety situation at worst since he knows from my picture that I'm a woman. I refuse. He refuses to come my way and keeps asking. Obviously at this point I have to cancel the ride. $5 charge!! I contact their safety team to report this. They ask if I'm safe. I say NO, actually I'm not safe. It's night time, I'm standing in a high crime area, alone, and now this creep knows exactly where I am standing, without a ride, having just canceled on him... They respond with : "Great, I'm glad you're safe!" ???? And then refuse to refund me.... Best they can do is unpair me so I won't get this driver again. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Edit: Half a million views on reddit already. Enjoy the bad publicity $5 bought you, Lyft execs! Edit 2: The $5 has been refunded with a rather vague, evasive apology that doesn't really take responsibility: "Thank you for your patience. You were charged a cancellation fee, we apologize for any confusion previously. We understand that you were being asked for personal information, and please know, Lyft will only ever request personal information using: Phone number: 855-529-5676 SMS text number: 61416 We refunded the $5 cancelation fee. This may take 5-7 business days for your bank to process. We thank you for contacting us today and for being a valued part of the Lyft community, it was our pleasure assisting you with your cancellation, and if you have any other questions, please reach out." Edit 3: Oh hey, they're calling me on the phone now. Lmao. I didn't pick up. I guess 2.5 million views on reddit was enough to finally escalate this. Edit 4: Holy fuck the official account for Lyft has doxxed me. \- *She then posts on* r/tifu [**TIFU by complaining about a Lyft incident, and then getting doxxed by their official account after hitting the front page (Originally Posted on June 5th, 2023)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/141zt84/tifu_by_complaining_about_a_lyft_incident_and/) You may have read my original post this morning about how I had a Lyft driver pressuring me to give him my personal phone number and email address before my ride. I felt unsafe and canceled. Even after escalating, Lyft refused to refund me. Only after my posts hit 3 million views, did they suddenly try to call me and they offered me my $5 refund. But get this. Suddenly I'm getting tagged and I discover that their official account has posted for the first time in ages.... and DOXXED me in the thread. Instead of tagging my username, since I posted anonymously, their post reads "Dear \[My real name\]". And here is the kicker, that is normally a bannable offense. Instead, the comment is removed by the moderators from the thread, but it has not been removed from their profile nor has their profile been banned as a normal user would be. It's still up! Not sure what to do to get it removed. Any media I can contact to put pressure on Lyft?? TL;DR: Got myself DOXXED by the official Lyft account, which reddit apparently does not want to ban or even remove the comment. **Relevant Comments** "This doesn’t make any sense. Comments are dormant for years and only now they post for this and dox? Doesn’t add up OP." OOP: Yeah that's what I don't get. They haven't posted anything in two years. They have already emailed me and called me on my phone. And then suddenly they decide to log on to this old reddit account and dox me? It's bizarre.The person who did it is supposed to call me tomorrow morning at 10:30 a.m. PST, so I guess I can ask then what's going on. But I have a feeling he will no longer call me because now legal is probably putting the kibosh on further communication. \- "Screenshot this immediately. Ideally print out the page. Save as much evidence as possible. What. The. Hell." OOP: Screenshotted everything, calls made to attorneys and cease and desist sent to many different channels including emails of all the execs. \- "For the internet, bots, records: Lyft doxed a person on social media. That was dangerous as the person had encountered a Lyft driver that wanted their information. This doxing was against the rules of the platform the comment was on, Reddit. Yet, Reddit refused to follow its own guidelines and did nothing about the doxing for hours; then, they just deleted the comment and re-interpreted their guidelines to justify their inaction.I repeat: Lyft doxes. Reddit allows doxing." OOP: I can confirm that reddit permits the posting of people's real names. I reported the post in which my own real name was used and reddit responded that this is not a violation. Perhaps some news outlets like /u/cnn /u/WashingtonPost would like to write about this apparent change in policy. \- "Congratulations on becoming wealthy overnight! They fucked up massively and you’re gonna get a large payday for them to recover" OOP: What is the price one puts on their reputation? Someone re-used my name the next day after Lyft removed it. Clearly people can still find it... I don't think this can ever be fully scrubbed... I've always been very careful to never use my name, picture, etc with this account, because among other things, I moderate a porn subreddit. Unforgiveable that Lyft would use their customer data to doxx me in a public forum that literally MILLIONS read over the five hours they left it up... \- "You are about to make $3M. Get a lawyer. Get all the proof you can." OOP: Already lawyered up! Do I need a divorce my husband, delete Facebook, and hit the gym? Forget how this works. \- **OOP Then Posted These Edits on the TIFU Post later that day.** Edit: After 5 hours, they removed my name. One of their execs just emailed me to inform me that they removed it, and suggested I could delete my Lyft account. I suggested they clean up their PR and CS teams because they're not doing so well today. For your amusement: she is one of the top execs and she is located in the central time zone, so she was doing this at 11:00 p.m. 😂 Sounds like they are finally awake and paying attention. 👋 Update Tuesday morning: the customer service rep (same one who doxed me) who insisted he wanted to speak to me on the phone did not in fact call me at the appointed time. Of course, it's entirely possible that he woke up no longer employed by Lyft. \- *OOP then posted on* r/legaladvice *about this in a now deleted post. I was able to recover it using the Wayback Machine* [**I was doxxed on Reddit by the official Reddit account of Lyft after my complaint hit the front page. My name has not been removed, I don't know why. Do I have any legal recourse? (Originally Posted June 5th, 2023)**](https://web.archive.org/web/20230606021301/https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/142094g/i_was_doxxed_on_reddit_by_the_official_reddit/) See my history for the relevant posts. Anything I can do here? I don't understand why their account hasn't been banned, normally any account gets banned for doxxing. Our corporations somehow exempt? *A vast majority of the comments have since been deleted for being off topic, though the few that remain do all indicate that OOP has a case.* *-* *There is no new posts about this from OOP but she did* [respond](https://www.reddit.com/r/Lyft/comments/1422lfp/comment/jnhyo8u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *to another post about this where another user commented saying that they think OOP is the scammer. (Commented June 9th, 2023)* OOP: You are completely misrepresenting this situation. First, there is no evidence of any kind that the driver's account was stolen. Even Lyft has not made this claim. Most importantly, there was no "automatic reply from a bot". This was an actual person (I know his name) and he referenced an actual phone call he had just made minutes earlier. Lyft knowingly and actively doxxed me in an attempt to intimidate me into removing my post. My attorneys are taking legal action against them as we speak. \- *OOP attempted to post an update* r/TwoXChromosomes *that was never approved nor could I find what it would've been. I've marked this as on gong as OOP may update in the future depending on possible results of legal action against Lyft.*

OOP Posts About A Horrible Experience on Lyft And The Company Responds In An Unexpected Way

ONGOING

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14yynb6/oop_posts_about_a_horrible_experience_on_lyft_and/

14yzcx9

#please read the original BORU post first that is linked below. **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/deleted in r/TrueOffMyChest** trigger warnings: >!stalking, honestly misogyny and agism from OOP’s part!< mood spoilers: >!Sad for OOP!< #1)PREVIOUS BORU POST [**previous boru post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zlurrs/ops_husband_is_obsessed_with_her_boss/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) #2)THE NEW UPDATE [**I’m drowning in despair. My divorce was finalized yesterday and today I found out that my ex husband and my boss are expecting their first child.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14gc8bo/im_drowning_in_despair_my_divorce_was_finalized/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) - June/22-2023 I don’t know if you remember me. I was here some months ago and you helped me a great deal to cope with my grief. I talked about how my ex husband was falling for my boss and I was watching it happening with no power to do anything about it. I hope I can find all my old posts and include them in my bio in case you don’t remember me. I filed for divorce and a restraining order against him and last time I talked to him was when he came home crying and yelling at me trying to make me talk to my boss to tell her that he wasn’t the creep I made him out to be when I spoke with my boss. I never saw him again after I refused to “help” him win her back. A month later his lawyer sent me a letter telling me that my ex husband had moved to another city and that he terminated the lease on the apartment. I had until the end of February to vacate. I moved back temporarily with my family. I never seen or heard from my ex again. Like I never existed in his life. He signed the divorce papers the second he got them and didn’t ask for trial period. I meant nothing to him. At work everything was back to normal. I rarely saw my boss but the few times I did she just nodded in acknowledgment with a smile. She didn’t know who I was before. She wasn’t coming to work as often as she usually did anyway and she was home sick more often than she did. She usually is a working bee. I was glad she didn’t try to take out her revenge on me for what happened. She just ignored the subject and never spoke to me again. I found out that my ex-husband found a new job and apartment in his new city and that he was seeing a therapist. I heard that he was trying to build his life back up because all of our friends and our families knew what kind of a creepy stalker he was now and the reason why we got a divorce and he couldn’t handle the pressure. I heard that he cut contact with many of our mutual friends, those who defended and sided with me. I also found my own place. I put a down payment on a small apartment near my work and my family and I was finally starting to come out of my shell. Yesterday the divorce was finalized and I finally felt some sort of hope. Some freedom. This chapter is done. I don’t know when and where I will find love. I guess I need to start with learning how to trust again before loving and giving myself to someone. I was optimistic. That until my friend sent me a screenshot of my ex husband’s IG. He had blocked me months ago but yesterday, the day our divorce was finalized, he made a post with his hand hugging a woman’s belly. The caption was I can’t wait to meet you. I will love you like I love your mother and I will do so until the end of my time. The woman in the picture is my boss. Today I asked around the office and the rumors are that she is in a long distance relationship with her bf. She also announced her pregnancy on her socials and everyone was congratulating her. Will this pain ever go? What have I ever done to deserve this cruelty? #Edit for some other POV, thanks to the user who found it❤️ u/Arifault [the husband (or someone from his family)](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRaChoChang/comments/14z3ol1/post/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

NEW UPDATE: OOP:My husband is obsessed with my boss and it is all my fault

NEW UPDATE

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14yzcx9/new_update_oopmy_husband_is_obsessed_with_my_boss/

14z38cz

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/mangodevito in r/QAnonCasualties** trigger warnings: >!child abuse, sexual assault!< --- &nbsp; [**My Q Aunt blames my childhood trauma on Democrats**](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/n4lfrb/my_q_aunt_blames_my_childhood_trauma_on_democrats/) - May 4, 2021 Long rant ahead CW: brief mentions of child abuse and sexual assault I've always loved my aunt, she was like my best friend growing up. We always snuck desserts out of the refrigerator or played video games together. Now, my aunt is in her late fifties and she's always been a sort of liberal person. The last few years though, her life has turned upside down due to family problems (her mother getting sick, losing money, etc) and she sought solace in conspiracy theories. They started off harmless ish like the Princess Diana one, or the one about the moon landing but slowly she started descending into Qanon. I didn't know what it was at first, I was super concerned. She started spewing hatred about gays and transgendered people (whom she loved before) and started talking about Bill Gates and how he microchipped vaccines. I was abused as a young child both physically and sexually, and since I was close with this aunt, I decided to open up to her about my PTSD and gradual recovery. She went off about how if I really wanna stop child abuse, I should stop supporting Democrats. According to her, they are satanic and they kidnap kids and harvest their adrenaline and snort it. She started going on this 3 hour rant about how Democrats are the reason why I'm going through this, not allowing me to speak or get a single word in. I gave up and excused myself from the table and locked myself in my room to cry. She texted me an hour later, which I thought was going to be an apology but turned out to be a video about cabals(?) And how I can stop them from hurting other children. I was devastated. I know she doesn't mean to be crazy or insensitive but I feel like I lost her that day. &nbsp; &nbsp; [**UPDATE: My QAunt did a full 180 and is back to normal?? It's kind of freaking me out.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/r02a9z/update_my_qaunt_did_a_full_180_and_is_back_to/) - November 22, 2021 I made a post here several months ago about my left-wing aunt who used to be super progressive aunt falling down the qanon rabbit hole out of nowhere. She said some bizarre things about democrat cabals harvesting adrenaline from children and she started talking about Trump being a super genius pretending to be an idiot because it was all according to plan. Naturally, it was very weird and heartbreaking for me to see her descend into this delusion. Currently, it's like she did a complete 180. She's back to normal. It's really freaking me out. She's back to supporting left wing politicians, fighting for recreational drug use, sharing legitimate medical research articles, and more. This is so weird to me it's like none of that qanon shit even happened. Did anyone else notice a similar pattern in a loved one? &nbsp; [**My QAunt was saved... By BTS?? (I shit you not)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/sis22t/my_qaunt_was_saved_by_bts_i_shit_you_not/) - February 2, 2022 I have made two posts on this sub in the past about my liberal left-wing QAunt who descended down the rabbit hole of Qlore from cabals who eat kids to democrats/Hollywood celebs trafficking people to Epstein island. One day, it all just... stopped. She stopped sharing Q stuff, stopped believing in it, started talking about liberal stuff again like it never happened. I was baffled. Did she have dementia? A stroke? Today I found out the answer. It was BTS. She started getting into Kpop as soon as Dynamite was released and dear lord, now she knows their names, their mom's names, their favorite food, etc. From what she told me, they inspired her to be a better person. They would make donations to BLM, rally for accessible mental health for all, and promote self-love and compassion. She is now an ARMY and I guess... That's that? I'm not a big BTS fan, but if you're reading this and are BTS or a member of ARMY, thank you. Wtf. Thanks so much(?) What a plot twist. I'm gonna go lie down now. &nbsp; [OOP comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/sis22t/my_qaunt_was_saved_by_bts_i_shit_you_not/hvatd3h/) >She called me at 3am sobbing about a korean show called Crash Landing Into You and then after some incoherent garbled speech she hung up. [OOP comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/sis22t/my_qaunt_was_saved_by_bts_i_shit_you_not/hvakasz/) >I think she just wanted friends and most boomers her age are into Q and conservative shit. She found a group of middle aged ladies who love BTS and now she's thriving. They have little dance groups and glow sticks and are making plans to attend concerts in the future. You go, middle aged ladies! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My QAunt was saved... By BTS?? (I shit you not)

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GRADIUSIC_CYBER

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14z38cz/my_qaunt_was_saved_by_bts_i_shit_you_not/

14z5rqs

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA-NoPoo4U **I left trip early because my (26F) BF (28M) & his friends embarrassed me to tears.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Drug use!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11z7o7p/i_left_trip_early_because_my_26f_bf_28m_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 23, 2023** Ok, strap in because this is the most bizarre and embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. Throwaway account, first time poster, etc. So I went to ski trip with my BF and his friends. It's their annual trip and the first time I went. We have been together for 2 years. The group that goes is him and 5 of his friends, 4 guys and 1 girl, all late 20s. I have met 2 of the guys before but the other 2 and the girl I've only met briefly over FaceTime. They knew I was coming on the trip. So they vrbo this house about 10 minutes from ski resort. We are a few days in for this weekly trip and everything is fine. The only problem has been the bathroom doors don't seem to lock ( important for later). There had been some near embarrassing moments but nothing major. Until day 4 of 7. I'm not a huge drinker especially around people I don't know well. I wanted to just nurse a drink while we all talked and they drank. We haven't been eating the best and have pizza before this. My stomach was bothering me so I excused myself to the bathroom on the main floor. I should have gone in the one upstairs but you know what they say about hindsight. So I'm on the toilet, obviously taking a poop, when the door knob starts to move. I am I'm in here, but his female friend comes in anyway. IDK if because it was me or she was too drunk to hear or care. She honestly smells what's going on and makes a big ruckus to the rest of the group that I'm pooping. I told her to please get out as calmly as I could because I was starting to get very upset. She was making a big deal over a normal bodily process. So she goes to leave the bathroom but basically throws open the bathroom door to do so. 3 of the 4 guys are there in the hallway and she's exposed me to them. Now I'm very upset and mortified. I yelled at her to get out and to shut the door behind her. They all are standing in the doorway and not listening to me. My BF notice is what's going on and comes into the bathroom. I think he's going to yell at his friends but instead, the drunk AH, , comments on how bad it smells in the bathroom. He leaves but doesn't take his friends with him. They continue to point and laugh while I'm in a vulnerable state. I think they were making potty jokes. All while I'm sat on the toilet, pant at my ankles, keeping my knees locked shut. I start screaming at this point to get the fuck out of the bathroom and shut the fucking door over and over. I am actually crying at this point because I'm so mortified and I've never been in such a bizarre situation. My crying and screaming finally got the drunkards' attention. She shuts the door behind her. Now I'm breaking down in the bathroom, still crying and trying to get sorted so I can be done and wash my hands and get the hell out of this room. While washing my hands all I can think is that my BF didn't help at all. I know they're drunk but I don't think that's much of an excuse. They've just been drinking beer and I think he'd had 4 so far. I am absolutely mortified and decide to just go into the bedroom. However, when I come out of the bathroom, still crying a bit BTW, all 6 of them start howling with laughter and pointing at me. It's like one of those crazy nightmares where everything seems more dramatic than real life should be. I just look at my BF, meet his eyes and everything to show how upset I am and they don't stop. I go upstairs to our room and pack. I can't go through 3 more days with these people and I don't want to sleep in the same bed as drunk BF. Drunk or not they're being incredibly disrespectful and childish. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed. I finish packing, change my flight to the next morning, and order an Uber to go to the airport hotel. I gather all of my things and walk downstairs to get my coat and leave. They all start laughing when I come back in the room but BF finally notices I have my bags with me. I silently put my coat on. BF yells "Where the fuck are you going?" "Airport" is all I say. Now he is yelling and they're all yelling. Saying it was just in good fun and I should lighten up. Have another beer, etc. No one apologizes, not even BF. He just seems so mad that I'm leaving. I tell him I'll see him in a few days and walk out to my Uber. Once I'm finally in my hotel room later, I curl up in bed and cry. I definitely did not see this being the way of my trip ended. Once I flew home the next morning and got back to my apartment, I had so many texts, missed calls and VMs from BF. They ranged from apologetic to angry to accusing, as if I did something wrong by going to the freaking bathroom. I haven't responded yet and he comes home in 2 days. I haven't even read all of the texts because it got more upset. How the Fuck am I supposed to face these people again? It just seems like the most bizarre and surreal experience. I think I'm more upset that my BF did nothing, even when I was screaming and crying. He didn't stop me from leaving. He didn't follow me out. He just yelled at me and asked me where the fuck I was going. How could he not make sure I'm okay? Even now, I was upset enough to leave and his texts that I did read are not supportive. No apology. Basically I put a damper on the trip, I'm dramatic, it wasn't that bad, but I made a terrible impression with his friends. What about their impression to me? Because I'm having some pretty strong thoughts. Right now I still have a BF. That might be changing in a few days. I love him but do not like his reaction to all this. Why TF am I getting blamed? I did not receive this type of deal breaker. TL;DR. Went on a trip with my BF and his 5 friends. The bathroom door doesn't lock, they walk in on me taking a poop, point and laugh like children until I'm screaming and crying for them to leave while BF did nothing. Left a trip early. BF still unhelpful and calling me dramatic. No apology from him or his friends. May break up. [Update - 4 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14sw1q6/update_i_left_a_trip_because_my_26f_bf_28m_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 7, 2023** Hello fellow Reddit people. I wanted to update earlier but there's been a lot going on, I got a new phone and lost password, Reddit blackout, etc. I did get to finally read more comments and messages, thank you all for the kind words and support. I'm on mobile FYI. See profile for 1st post. Possible trigger warning, drug use. So BF came home a day after I did. He called me before his flight and asked to come over to my apartment when he got back. I agreed. I needed a flipping explanation for their bizarre behavior before I could decide what to do in our relationship. He's been wonderful and respectful for 2 years and then that? At that point, I'd decided I didn't want to see his friends again, they're unimportant to me. So he gets here, I let him in and right away I see he is noticeably nervous and twitchy. He sits on my couch, I sit separately on my recliner. He blurts out "Are we over?" "Depends on what you have to say. Unless you want it to be over?" He says No before I finish. Ok then. So I tell him to explain WTF happened. So… He and his genius friends took LSD and shrooms (Female friend took shrooms only, the guys were a mix of both with alcohol). My BF said he took LSD only. I flipped a bit. Why TF didn't he tell me? What if one of them had a really bad reaction or trip, shouldn't the one person who didn't take drugs know they did to be able to keep them safe?? I've done it and wouldn't have judged them. (He knew I'd tried in college and had a BAD time, like nightmare fuel bad). No real answer on that. It is his decision to take something like that but I am more upset that they weren't really safe about it. That wasn't ok to omit that. He agreed that was a dumb decision. He said it's been about 6 years since they last tried it. Asked him to explain his AH behavior the next morning then. He says he & guy friends didn't remember the Reality of what happened but, shocker, female friend,"B" did. The B!*&$ that she is laughed when explaining it later that afternoon. The guys were horrified. BF is rethinking friendship with her. I said I never want to see her again. Not an ultimatum, just a fact. So once he knew he was embarrassed and didn't want to apologize over phone or text so he came home early. He took the time to get his itinerary and thoughts sorted he says. He asked for my side of it and I just let him read my 1st post, it was too hard to say. He gave me a huge hug after, apologizing between forehead and cheek kisses. We agreed to work through it. I could practically smell his relief, he thought I was done with him…I did too before we talked and got an explanation. We set boundaries, no secrets, even if we think the other is going to be upset. Better to talk through things than have issues later. My main sticking point was I didn't want that B in our lives. The fact that she acted that way when she was mostly sober and could recant the entire thing while laughing is unacceptable. Idk what kind of personality trait or disorder makes that possible but IDGAF, she's disgusting. He understood and messaged the guys in front of me. He told them I was giving him a second chance and he explained what happened. They asked if they could FT us later to apologize. We said yes but Without B. They understood and agreed. Their apologies later that night were all very sweet and genuine. BF spoke with B a few days later and then blocked her, all while beside me. These last couple of months, he has really stepped up and shown me how important I am to him and how much he loves me. We've both upheld our side of the boundary of no secrets. It's actually been awesome to just talk through any issues, feelings, etc. We were great before this bizarre incident but things are strangely better now. I wouldn't have thought that when I wrote my first post. We're talking about moving in with one another next year. B did try to reach out several times but more so after my post was on TikTok. She was screaming that I needed to take it down. It's not like anybody has any idea who she is IRL, for F's sake, the drama. BF's friend group has all shut her out since the trip. Apparently, she's always had an excuse about why a new girlfriend of theirs didn't like her or 'misheard' her. She's created more issues than they realized during their 14 year friendship. My BF knows I have no issues with him having friends of any gender but agrees we don't need her stereotypical 'female best friend' behavior in our lives. Idk if she has feelings for any of them or just likes their attention but whatever it is, no longer my problem. Idk if this is the update you hoped for or if you all were rooting for BF to get dumped hard but please know I'm genuinely happy with my outcome. Thanks for taking our own crazy trip with my story and update. (Had to make light of it). You all have been wonderfully sweet and supportive, it was incredibly appreciated. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

I left trip early because my (26F) BF (28M) & his friends embarrassed me to tears.

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14z5rqs/i_left_trip_early_because_my_26f_bf_28m_his/

14z6eqg

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Professional\_Rush\_24](https://www.reddit.com/user/Professional_Rush_24/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warnings:** >!death; child abandonment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!complicated and messy, but OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13r7nux/aita_for_not_being_the_nicest_about_my_not_father/)**: May 24, 2023** I’m “Sophie” (22f) and I have two older half brothers (25m) and (27m). The man who had been raising me as my father (54m) found out I was not his biological child (my two older brothers are) when I was 7 and promptly abandoned me and divorced my mom. He was very involved up until this point and was actually in the middle of coaching my soccer team when it happened. He abandoned that too and the assistant coach had to take over. Anyways. He ended up (not sure how) paying child support to my mom for me, probably because he was the breadwinner and him leaving my mom left us two in pretty dire financial circumstances. I was also yanked out of the private school my brothers and I attended. He remarried a few years later to a woman with a daughter a year younger than me and promptly did everything with her that he used to do with me. Hurrah for them. Sophomore year of highschool some organization was hosting a father-daughter dance in our school gym while I was around campus with some friends (can’t remember) and we vandalized the fancy car he pulled up in. Not something I’m proud of but I’m mentioning it here because although I paid for half the cost of repairs he graciously paid the other half and decided not to press charges. Anyways, now the old man has cancer, both brothers and stepdaughter are out of state with school, and his wife has early arthritis or something, not really sure. He calls MY mom and asks her if either of us could drive him to and from chemotherapy! We were in the car and he was on speaker, so I told him no, that’s something family does and he’s made it very clear he doesn’t see either of us as family and hung up. Mom is doing things like bringing casseroles and driving him. I don’t try to stop her but I don’t help her either. She has recently started to try and guilt me into it, saying: * He always payed child support, to which I said the amount of money he lost on that was about as impactful as a fart in the wind for ole moneybags * He didn’t press charges about his car, to which I said great he did one nice thing for me, so he can get ONE casserole or ONE car ride. Now my siblings and his stepdaughter have all flown in and my brother says he (not dad) REALLY needs to speak to me. I said to tell him that if he has something to say to me I don’t want to hear it and if he writes me a letter I’m not opening it. I said I was sorry for what they were going through but that he’s made it very clear I’m not his family and so I don’t want them asking me for things they would ask of family. However they’re struggling and the more they ask for help the more my patience wears thin and the more insensitive my rejections get. My mother recently talked with me about “being the bigger person”- AITA? Also please don’t leave comments like “The real asshole is your mom for cheating and committing paternity fraud!” Like, thanks for that one Sherlock, and my mother and I have reconciled. **EDIT:** My mom is pushing me to “be the bigger person” because our pastor says it will have a healing effect on my soul (she is very religious). **EDIT 2:** The situation is more complicated than not dad being an innocent angel victim and mom deciding to do paternity fraud for funsies. I might do a separate post or something to explain since this is anonymous anyway. While her circumstances don’t excuse or justify her actions which were still wrong having the full context made me more amenable to forgiveness. **EDIT//UPDATE**: I have agreed to speak to him and will do so sometime this weekend. ***Relevant Comments:*** *If he's rich, what does he need you for? And any leads on your bio dad?* "Oh he will not admit to being rich he’s just “very comfortable” lol. He hasn’t said anything to me because I haven’t heard him out yet. I’m not sure about him paying me, I think it would just make me feel like “the help” and further emphasize the glaring socioeconomic differences between us. I have a name and some basic info about bio dad…Mom isn’t 100% sure if he was even a US citizen. He was working doing construction on a new addition to our house. I know. It’s wild. That’s what actually caused not-dad to first give me the side eye…the summer before he left we went to vacation at the Bahamas for the first time and my Mexican genes activated or something. I got really dark to the point people just assumed I was adopted. We can’t track him down so I’m pretty sure he’s happy in Mexico with zero clue I exist." *More about the family's relationship:* "Mom had sole custody of me (duh) and Dad had primary custody for brothers. To be honest I really think that A) Not-dad spent time trashing Mom to brothers, which yes I understand she is responsible, brothers have never let go of resentment of her (which is their right) and B) He has and always had money. He had better lawyers. C) Mom went from being very involved to very tired from working all the time. Sometimes she would fall asleep early on the couch. Not-dad doesn’t do this he has a normal 9-5, he doesn’t work crazy hours. Stepmom doesn’t do this because she is a SAHM. I don’t blame her for this but I think they do. So I can see why they resent her a lot and I don’t get upset with them for it or try to force them to reconcile i just wish the same courtesy could be extended to me." *OOP adds more about why she feels betrayed:* “nor was there a love connection” yes that is what hurt me the most. he loved me so much up until he found out i wasn’t his. funny thing is he and mom always talked about how they would always love us no matter what but i think they just wanted to lay the groundwork for us feeling comfortable coming to them if we did drugs or something when we got older. Homeboy was definitely NOT expecting that curveball when he told me “forever and ever no matter what” every night before bed lol. ***OOP is voted NTA overall*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Professional_Rush_24/comments/14u91sa/repost_of_update/)**: July 7, 2023 (1.5 months later) (Originally on AITA but removed)** UPDATE: AITA for not being the nicest about my not dad having cancer? Well, he’s dead. Sorry for the long wait for the update. To be honest, I completely forgot I made this post in the first place. • Family fessed up to all the requests for help basically being plots to get me and him in the same room. • He was in *hospice* care which I mixed up with being in the hospital in my original post. •He started out by basically wanting a bunch of life updates from me, basic things like what college did I go to, what was my major, where was I working now, did I have a boyfriend, etc. • He asked me if I still played soccer and I said no, not since he left me. He looked sad and said I was really good, and I agreed. I had humored him with casual talk for about ten minutes but I made it clear that I wanted answers and for the visit to be on my terms, so this was the segway into the “deep stuff” • I told him I had questions for him and he agreed to answer them: 1. Did you miss me? He looked kind of offended by that (which I thought was very audacious) and said of course he did, and I snapped back “Could have fucking fooled me” and there was this awkward moment of silence but I decided to keep going. 2. Why did he leave *me*? He talked about how he was betrayed by my mom and looking at me was a reminder that he had been tricked into raising another man’s child and then I got upset. I told him to me, I WAS his daughter. Maybe not on a DNA test but here (I pointed at my heart). He just got quiet then said “You’re not mine, Sophie” 3. Why wasn’t I, as a person, more important than the results of the paternity test? Was I an easy child to abandon? He looked kind of shocked by this one too, but I wanted to know. He goes no, of course not, it has nothing to do with you, but I snapped at him to tell me the truth, that I deserved that much and he said very bluntly “Two kids are less stressful than three, Sophie, so yeah, sometimes I was relieved you weren’t around, especially as a single parent, ok? But there’s nothing you could have done to change or overcome the fact that you’re not my child. You’re one I got tricked into raising. You weren’t mine, and you still aren’t. I’m sorry, Sophie.” This is where the list was forgotten and I just said “But you treated (stepdaughter) like yours no problem” and he said it was different. I quietly asked if she was a replacement for me and he said he wasn’t going to dignify that with a response. I asked if he wasn’t going to apologize why did he ask me here and he just said he wanted me to know I was in his will. I said “Okay. I don’t forgive you.” He looked kind of shocked and said “What?” and I just repeated. “I don’t forgive you.” He said ok and looked really sad, and added that he would pay my student loans via the will. I told him the conclusion I had come to, that forgiveness was the kind thing to do and I wish I could have given it to him, but there was too much hurt. He said he understood and I left. NOTE: Very condensed for character limit. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Professional_Rush_24/comments/14toozb/faqs_mom/) **2: Post about Mom (July 7, 2023- same day)** A lot of context and info had to be cut out to fit the character limits on the forum, so I thought I would answer them: My mom is most frequently asked about and I understand why people are the most curious about her. I will try to answer everything as best I can. Questions about my mom: • Why did you forgive her/ why are you mad at your not-dad and not her? This is going to be a very long answer so buckle up. The first part is that I as a seven year old hadn’t been given “the talk” yet and simply didn’t have the capacity to understand what was going on. I just knew that Mom was kissing someone else and so she and Dad were breaking up but didn’t grasp why or how that meant he wasn’t my Dad anymore. So as many of you in the comments suggested for a while it was just me clinging to the only parent and stability I had. Dad left, Mom didn’t, it was simple. Middle school was when I started to process things and shit really hit the fan. I hated my mom for a period there and I mean *hated* her. I accused her of ruining my life, told her I hated her and a lot of other nasty things that I really regret. Our relationship was really rocky and strained but we love each other a lot and I’m just going to paste one my earlier comments here because I think it summarizes things pretty well: i mean, it’s easier because she has A) Fully owned up to her actions B) Explicitly apologized and asked for forgiveness without expecting it as her due and C) worked her ass off for the last fifteen years to try and make up for some of the fallout. It’s way easier to forgive someone who shows you through their actions how sorry they are. She taught me how to drive. She spent hours watching YouTube videos so she could help me with algebra homework. When I was drunk, alone and scared at my first high school party she was the one i called and who picked me up no questions asked. My life with her wasn’t easy but I wouldn’t trade her for any of my friends parents. Who would you find easier to forgive someone who did you the biggest wrong but had genuine regret and tried to make reparations or someone who hurt you slightly less and never reached out once? Also I read the scarlet letter in high school and it made me reflect on my mother and at a certain point I was just like “how much penitence is enough? Does she just deserve to be miserable for the rest of her life? When will it be enough?” I know that for some people there’s no amount of suffering she could go through that would make you forgive her or have a favorable opinion about her and that’s okay. She’s my mom, not yours. Also she is just generally a nice person and much easier to be around than not dad. • What were the extenuating circumstance you alluded to? This also factored a lot in my decision to mend our relationship and sympathize with her. When my dad had my oldest brother “Andrew” he was 27. My mom was 20. Their timeline is: Met her when she was 17 Started dating at 18 Dated thru freshman year of college and he pressured her to drop out of school the whole way through and she finally drops and marries him halfway through sophomore year at age 20. Gives birth right before her twenty first birthday. Not Dad isolates her from friends has her doing all the housework and childcare and I mean like ALL of it. When I said he was involved as a dad I should have clarified in the *fun* stuff. As a kid you can’t really tell the difference between a fun parent and a good parent. She has also confessed she suffered from PPD and never totally lost the weight from her pregnancies which notdad liked to joke about publicly and berate her for privately. Yea he paid for everything but that was about it. And yes, I understand explanation but not excuse. But the portrait some of you are painting is: She was a greedy freeloading h\*e who deceived her perfect loving provider husband and committed paternity fraud because she was evil and it was fun. The truth is that she was miserable and tried to remedy that by being with my bio father (which I understand is not ok) and then was terrified to leave or even fess up because he had all the money and she wanted a good life for me even if she had to lie to get me there. She says she was on the verge of confessing and called *her* mother (my grandma) to ask if she and I could potentially stay with her and Gramma was drunk when she picked up the phone. Gramma herself and her relationship with my mother is a whole different can of worms. Gramma was a violent alcoholic who lost and regained custody of my mom a lot which led to her being SA’d by her foster father from ages 12-13 and there is a lot of resentment and hurt between them. But my mom said basically Gramma was her last resort and when she heard her slurring her words over the phone she lost all courage and decided to stick it through to the bitter end with my not dad. The thing that got me was when people kept saying “imagine if the person you loved betrayed you like this, put yourself in the fathers shoes” and the thing I don’t think he loved her. I don’t even think he really liked her. The truth about my mom is that she was a very hurt person who desperately wanted some affection and comfort and my bio dad gave it to her when her husband wouldn’t. Yes, it was wrong obviously but my heart goes out to her in those circumstances. When she was my age she had a toddler and a newborn and was essentially a single mom, and I couldn’t imagine being in her shoes. Her childhood gave her this almost desperate attachment pattern. Her foster situations never lasted longer than a few years and around the time I was conceived her marriage had lasted longer than any living situation she had ever had and she confessed she felt this need to sabotage it, run from it or change it because change is all she knew. Once again this is not an excuse just me explaining there was more going on in her psyche than “let me do this for a laugh.” Obviously I condemn her actions but…I get it. I feel for her. She’s my mom. EDIT: if you still have questions comment them and i’ll answer! ***Relevant Comments:*** *Ummmm was your not-dad grooming your mom?* "in fairness to him, i’m not sure about grooming, because i think that’s where an adult picks a kid with the intent of manipulating them into a relationship, but they met, he asked her out, she said she was seventeen and so the next time he waited until she was eighteen. it was very casual interactions from what I understand, they didn’t even have each other’s numbers when she was underage. but i’m not an expert obviously so maybe it is grooming idk" "she was a waitress at a restaurant he went to a lot" *Yes but all of this is your mother's point of view:* "I said this is the comments in my original post I had reached out to him and would have gladly heard his side for 15 years and by the time we talked I simply didn’t care anymore. He had every opportunity to explain himself to me."

AITA for not being the nicest about my not father having cancer?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14z6eqg/aita_for_not_being_the_nicest_about_my_not_father/

14z6ro7

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/No-Ride-Throwaway. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/EntitledPeople This is a long post. **Mood Spoiler:** >!long and frustrating but hopeful?!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13savby/aita_for_saying_ill_be_driving_myself_and_paying/)**: May 26, 2023** I 23m was repeatedly stuck playing the part of helper and babysitter on family outings. I had to move out of my parents' house because I kept being forced to help watch my three nephews. Last year we took a family vacation in summer to the coast. I rode along with my parents, and they paid for my hotel room. Only, I had to share that room with three rowdy boys because my sister and her husband wanted a room to themselves. I was promised time to do my own things on the vacation. But instead I ended up having to help with these kids. I complained to everyone about it, and was reminded I was there for free. And then we pretty much just did only one thing I wanted to do. Which was tour an art gallery. I like doing this whenever I'm at the coast. But the kids find it boring. This year my parents have a beach trip planned for June. And they assumed I'd be riding along the same way as last year. But I refused. I said I'd be driving myself, and paying for my own hotel stay to have my own room. My parents were shocked, and tried to remind me of the cost. I said it was no worry. I've got a good job and a decent running car. I can more than afford it. That's when the "Buts" started. I stated the previously listed things as why I'll be driving myself and paying for myself. I want to be able to enjoy this vacation as an adult, and not be treated like a child like last year. My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys. I ended up yelling at her that last year all she did was rope me into her mess. I didn't really get to do much of anything I wanted to do. And I was treated like the bad guy for wanting to just go to an art gallery. I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too. Now my sister is not speaking to me, and my parents are still trying to convince me to just ride with them to keep the peace. I'm still refusing. But the pressure is getting to me. AITA for not giving in? I know they'll have a pretty hard time when they won't have another person there to help. **Edit:** It's barely been an hour since I posted. But my sister is apparently a reddit lurker in the mornings, and she saw my post. Not only is she furious with me. But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her. To make it short, she went on a big rant about how it's so hard to be a parent to triplets. And the least I could do is help because I'm young and single, and she needs a break. I stood my ground on my decision, and now she's calling our parents to get them involved. I'm expecting a call from them any minute. **Update:** Well I'm off work now, so I can tell more of what went down. I guess you could say it's over. My sister got our parents involved, they looked at my post, and were absolutely horrified by the continuous influx of commenters. Yes they're very angry with me that I posted here. But I told them that if they'd just listened to me to begin with, I'd have never needed to. I'm sick of the whole keep the peace mentality that sacrifices me to placate my sister. They in turn went off on my sister, and to make a long story short the whole vacation has been canceled. The hotel wasn't booked yet anyway. But my parents are arguing with my sister, my sister is blaming me, and my nephews are crying because they aren't going to the beach. My sister called me at lunch and basically implied I have no life, which is why I have time to help. I recorded that and told our parents, and that's currently what they're fighting about. **Smol Update:** I wasn't gonna update again. But here's a little more. Parents said that they won't ever push babysitting of my nephews on me again, and have agreed that what happened last year was unfair to me. Right now they're VERY angry with my sister for telling me I should help her because she thinks I have no life. My sister is playing the victim. And my brother in law is basically saying "Nope!" to the whole mess and spending most of his time at work. Thank you to everyone who has commented. You made my day. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/13yv3kr/my_parents_apologized_my_sister_did_not_at_least/) **1: June 2, 2023 (1 week later)** A week ago I made this throwaway account to ask AITA a question I was found to be anything but TA in. I have too much to say to post in AITA as an update. So a friend recommended I come here. My posting on AITA essentially opened a Pandora's Box in the family. Basically, my parents and older sister had become VERY comfortable with me helping with the childcare of my young triplet nephews. I didn't leave home till I was 22 because I was trying to save money while also going to college. A scholarship covered a lot, and living at home kept me from getting rising debt due to my working part time as well. I'm very thankful for this. However after college everyone just seemed to act like I had endless time on my hands, and convinced me along on a family vacation. In this so-called vacation, I was forced to babysit my three at the time 6 year old nephews. I even had to share a hotel room with them. And believe me, those kids did not listen to a damn thing I said on the first night until I called their mother, TWICE! And I was treated like the bad guy for wanting to do other things during the trip. Like if it's something the family doesn't enjoy as a whole, then it doesn't happen. Which was extremely hypocritical because I'm family and wasn't included in that vote. And you can bet I aired this grievance with my parents after my last post. And they have acknowledged being in the wrong. After that awful vacation last year, I decided it was time to move out. And did so before the summer even ended. Which surprised everyone as I gave them no warning. I'd landed a great job pretty much right after college thanks to an internship, and used moving as an excuse to drop my commute from 45 minutes, to 15. My sister hated this the most because it meant no more free babysitting on weekends. But she still tried to make me do it. I caved sometimes. Usually by being bribed with pizza. And this sort of became a new norm. But then last month my parents announced plans for another family vacation to the same place along the coast. And they basically wanted it to go the same way. I immediately saw it for what it was. A trap! I knew that if I rode with my parents and let them buy the hotel rooms, I would be screwed over the same way as last time. So I just casually stated I'd drive myself and pay for myself. And that's when the shit-storm started. When my parents realized they couldn't entrap me like before, they resorted to borderline begging. And my sister practically tried to order me to go with the flow through gaslighting. News-flash, I didn't! After I didn't cave to my sister's demands, I made the AITA post after days of harassment. And then my sister somehow spotted that post in less than an hour. What followed was Pandora's Box. At first the family was against me. My sister called our parents, and they called me when I still had a little time to talk in the morning. My parents were on the phone with me while also reading my post. I asked them if anything in the post was a lie. They sort of steered around it and called the post an exaggeration. But I pointed out numerous details that made it pretty much on the mark. Then I told them to check the comments. There were already far too many to read. I was repeatedly refreshing the page on my home PC and telling them how many comments there were. Then I told them I was sick of their mentality of keeping the peace by forcing me to placate my sister. Then I said I was out of time and we would have to resume this later. Well my parents were positively horrified that hundreds, if not thousands of people were commenting in a matter of hours. And later on I told them that the numbers had basically doubled, and were still growing. Which only added to their horror. So I guess they were forced to take a long look at their own actions. My sister tried to call me to bitch while I was at work. But my phone was on silent till my lunch break, so all she could do was leave messages and texts. But she was persistent and managed to get through to me when I was eating my lunch. The gist of the conversation was my post had taken our parents away from her side. And now they were mad at her. In the ensuing argument between them, my parents canceled the entire vacation. Yes they later acknowledged they just passed the blame out of embarrassment. And have fully accepted fault. They told me no excuses could excuse the fact they made me their go-to free babysitter when I wasn't even living at home anymore. They did try to backtrack a little by pointing out they never charged me rent while I was in college. But I reminded them kids don't ask to be born, and I was doing my hardest to make my own way. Then I pointed out my father had the same kind of leg up from his parents. They let him live free of charge at home while he was in college. That basically ended any argument my parents had left. When my sister managed to call me at lunch, I presented the facts to her. And she showed her true colors. She implied that I have no life, and that my free time on weekends should be spent helping her because she is tired and unable to even go out without bringing her children with her unless someone is watching them. She is a stay at home mother with a husband that makes a decent salary. They live in a pretty decent house that's owned, not rented. And to be frank, my nephews aren't really my responsibility. They just forced them on me and expected it to stay that way. My sister angrily hung up on me. But I'd recorded the call and then played it to my parents later. They were furious. And they basically went to war with my sister. My sister dug her heels in, blamed me, and then doubled down on her belief my life should circle around hers. I told her that was the most narcissistic and entitled thing she's ever said about me. It took days, but her husband finally stepped in, and forced her to apologize to me. I'd never seen her cowed like that by anyone. But she was on the verge of crying. It ended up being admitted that one of the reasons I was the go-to babysitter was because my sister didn't trust strangers. It was never about the money. Or was it? Actually, my brother in law thought my sister was paying me for my time watching her kids after I moved out of my parents' house. She didn't even give me gas money. Just gave me cash that was enough to order pizza for both myself and the kids, and pocketed the rest. My sister had been short-changing me for months. He blew up at her when this came out during her half-assed apology, and she was forced to pay me what she owed me in cash entirely from her own savings, which she looked very sore about. Then my brother in law apologized to me for his own inaction in letting my sister walk all over me, and promised they'd get a normal babysitter from now on. Yes it'll cause a bit of a drop in the bucket for them. But my sister will be getting date nights back. Then came the family meeting the other day's evening. We all gathered up at my parents' house, and everything was laid bare. Apologies all around, and what-not. Then my parents reinstated the family vacation. And yes, I still plan to drive myself and pay for my own hotel stay. I'll even stay in a completely different hotel if my sister tries to revert me to child care. And I have stated this. She's promised me that won't happen. And if I don't update again after the vacation in another month or so, then you'll all know everything is fine. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Did sis emotionally abuse you when you were growing up?* "She put me down a fair bit when I was a kid. We've got a decent difference in age. But that stopped when she moved out on her own. It didn't really start up again till she had kids. Because once that happened, she set her sights on me as the free help. Yes she did gaslight me if I complained, whined to our parents that I wasn't being helpful enough, and then I'd fight with my parents and her. Thankfully college forced them all to ease up on me because I was busy with my education and an internship. Unfortunately once I graduated college, my sister took it as a free pass to believe I had endless time on my hands. But now that I've shown my backbone, I won't ever let her walk all over me like that again. And she knows it too because I've said so to her face. I just feel sorry for whatever babysitters she hires, because she's no doubt going to want to look down on them. I stated that to my brother in law, and warned him that I won't hesitate to go on Reddit about it if she does treat them like crap. He was not happy with me, but also admitted he understood my point, and will make sure she does not do that. Things are kinda neutral between us currently." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/144rmuy/my_sister_called_me_demanding_i_take_my_posts/) **2: June 8, 2023 (6 days later)** Having a family that knows about your Reddit account has it's disadvantages. Yesterday my sister called me after I got off work to ask me if comments are still coming in. She said she cannot bear the negativity of looking at them herself because the comments are all so hurtful towards her. So I was brutally honest. At least ten comments are still coming in daily, and most of them more or less say the same things about her. She started crying and demanding I delete my Reddit posts. But I refused and told her she can cry to anyone she wants. But the posts stay up because they are my assurance she won't try to treat me like crap anymore. After all, she literally felt like my life should revolve around hers, didn't pay me the babysitting money she was supposed to and pocketed it for herself, and forced me to be the constant babysitter on last year's family vacation so I had pretty much no fun the entire time. Is it really any wonder people are having so much hate for her when she treated me like that Then when I mentioned the posts have already spread to other websites because I was asked a couple of times to let an article be made about my situation. And there are some videos that were read as well. My sister shrieked hearing that and hung up. My parents then called me begging I take the posts down. I've refused, and stated that I only did this because they didn't stick up for me. This would have never happened if they'd told my sister to treat me like an equal and not a servant. I'm not her butler, babysitter, or handyman. I'm her freaking brother, and a grown ass man! Wouldn't they be tired of this crap in my shoes too? They agreed, but still begged I take the posts down. I refused, and said that I'll keep making more if they don't start sticking up for me more when my sister comes crying to them. Let her clean up her own messes. Because all the enabling of her led to this. I didn't father those kids. I've got a life of my own, a career I'm still new to, and hopefully soon enough a girlfriend as there's someone I want to ask out. I'm moving my life forward, and I won't be held back. They can either step out of my way, or keep trying to enable my sister. But I assured them that the latter would end badly for them. The only way this posting on Reddit will stop, is if the drama stops. I've kept things anonymous, and I've got a right to vent my very valid frustrations. Well that left my mother crying, my father just went silent, and I said tears don't move me. They know what it'll take to end this, and that's to stop enabling my sister. Well my sister called me again to yell at me that our parents have told her they aren't dealing with this anymore, and to figure it out herself. Oh, and they told her to be nicer to me too. I just pictured her eye twitching as she internally screamed after hearing that. "Be nice to my kid brother? What is this? Do I look it up on Google?". Yeah I was that sarcastic to her. But it left her crying too when I hung up. My brother in law called me later to get my side of the story. He was mad I'm still posting and made his wife cry. But I explained everything to him, and he said he'd have another talk with my sister. I'm hoping this drama finally ends here. But the family vacation is still on for late June. I've already booked my room and put in for a day off work so we can all leave on a Friday. My room is also not near the ones my parents, sister, BIL and nephews will be using. In fact, it's not even on the same floor. And when we go to the coast, when it's not a family activity, I'm going to go where I want and do what I want. And you can bet I'm gonna tour those art galleries, pig out on local food, and just enjoy being carefree for a change. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/14pv1jt/update_after_the_family_vacation/) **3: July 3, 2023 (almost a month after last post)** Well the family vacation is over. Some things both good and bad went as expected. Good in that being my parents didn't enable my sister's trying to make me babysit. Oh yes, she did try. But bad in that being my sister did try to find out which room I was in. But that failed and got her in trouble with her husband again. Firstly, I made sure to tell the hotel in advance that they were not to give out any of my information to anyone who asked except for police, if something needing that were to come to pass. They assured me over the phone they would not tell a soul. Then on the day of the vacation, I left earlier in the morning than the rest of the family. I knew they wouldn't be able to get moving as a group till a least 10:00 AM. So I left at 9:00 AM. Check-in wouldn't be until 1:00 PM. But I wanted to make sure I had a head start. I sent out an FWI group text and was off like a shot to make the three hour drive. My parents were upset because they'd planned a family brunch on the way. But I pointed out I was never made aware of that. So it was canceled in favor of fast food. Like I planned, I arrived to the hotel early. Too early for check-in. But I told the desk staff I was there to make sure my parents or sister didn't give them my information. They claimed they don't do that. But I told them I know for a fact it still happens sometimes. So I'm covering my ass. When they happen to be dealing with my mother, and my sister, and three potentially crying boys trying to guilt them at the desk, they had better not yield. And I wanted to know if they try anything. They awkwardly promised me no one but me would get access to my room. Then I decided to go out and get something to eat. I came back more than an hour later, and there was my parents' car and my BIL's big SUV. I went to the desk to check in after making sure the lobby was clear. And it was. Then I asked the clerk if my family had asked about me, and where I was staying in the hotel. Yeah, they did. But the clerk refused to tell them. My sister had apparently tried to push it. But her husband shut her up. I checked in, went to my room, and then called my folks. I didn't mention I knew what they tried with the clerk, and they conveniently didn't mention it either. Then we all met up as a family to go out and tour around. My sister at one point asked me to watch her kids for a moment, to which I replied "Hell no!" because I knew exactly what she was doing. She would pretend to be gone for a moment, and then would be gone for an hour. I called her out, and her husband told her to stop trying to make me watch their kids. What did my sister do? She just started crying on the spot that she needs a break. Her husband scolded her that he's a tired man, but he wasn't complaining. My mother have me a nasty look, so I went right to her and said that if she tries to even think that I should be watching those kids, I would walk away from this family vacation right now. It's not my job, and I'm sick and tired of her and my sister acting like it is. Well that made my mother start crying too. And then she just started repeating the words "You're right!" over and over again. This is another old tactic of hers. She tries to look pathetic to guilt me. But I just said I am right, and to just let it go, before walking away. Neither my mother or sister tried anything for the rest of the day. When we got back to the hotel after dinner, my family were all crowding the elevator. But I didn't get in with them. They asked why and I said I'd wait for the next one. My sister glared at me because she knew exactly what I was doing. Then I just sat in the lobby watching youtube on my phone for fifteen minutes, and then took the elevator up. I was on a different floor, and on the other end of the hotel. I had a splendid night, and the next morning we all went out for breakfast. But I made sure they left first. I was the last one out, just like I was the last one in the night before. Breakfast went fine. Then I gave an FWI that I was gonna be doing my own thing for the day. My mother tried to bring up plans to go to the aquarium, and a couple of other places. So I said I'd meet them for those. But the rest of the day was mine until family dinner. They accepted this. And that day went fine too. Back at the hotel that evening though, my sister caught me leaving my room. She must have been stalking the whole floor looking for me. I went back to my room to chill a bit before dinner because I was tired from walking so much. And my sister was just down the hall when I left my room to meet them for dinner. She tried to corner me and say that I'd ruined the family vacation for her because now it wasn't hardly any different for her than at home since she had to wrangle her kids. I called bull-spit because my parents were helping her a lot. Then told her that I'm sick of this song and dance of being her scape-goat, and it's already over. So leave me the hell alone and get on with your own life. Then I started walking with her yelling "Hey! I'm trying to talk to you!". I told her I didn't give a crap, and was going to dinner. She followed me to the elevator, and we both said nothing to each other. I didn't stay silent and told my parents and my brother in law that my sister had stalked me to find my room. She was scolded like a child. She had a pity party, I told her to stop milking it and grow up. The old days when she could force her will on me were over. And then I walked out of the lobby and to my car. This time, I was the first one to dinner. When everyone else arrived, my sister looked depressed. But not a damn thing was said about what happened before. And that was just fine with me. My sister refrained from making eye contact with me the entire evening. And this time I didn't give a crap about riding in the elevator with the rest of them. And I told them bluntly that unless it was an emergency, no one is to come knocking on my door. I had a "DO NOT DISTURB!!" sign for a reason. The final day everything went swimmingly. Neither my sister or mother bothered me at all. They'd fully surrendered at this point. Yes during the whole vacation, I did play with my nephews a bit. I'm not a complete jerk, I didn't stonewall them. I kept up being the fun uncle. Just not the babysitter uncle. The kids didn't even seem to care. They just wanted to play. I even bought each of them one of those little baggies of crystals and polished stones to take home as a souvenir. There was a bit of mild drama between my sister and her husband. But that was just some small disagreements that I didn't bother to pay attention to. All in all, I'd call the vacation a win because it finally hit home for my mother and sister that the old way they did things involving me is over, and I have my own life. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/14tqxmw/mother_and_sister_saw_my_last_post/) **4: July 7, 2023** They really don't know when to let well enough alone. Hey mom, hey sis! I warned you that if you didn't stop, I would go right back to Reddit. And here I am. The short of it is that my mother and sister saw my last POST and freaked out. My sister was stalking my account for days because she knew I'd post. Well what did she expect? That I would just say everybody had a good time. She called me and cried that I made her look like a bad mother. I ended up replying "Well if the glass slipper fits!". My sister argued with me some more. But I asked her to name anything in the post that was a lie. She tried several times. But I pointed out that every detail was spot on. So what does she do? She calls mommy! Then my mother showed up at my door demanding I delete all the posts. I told her no. And now I have ammunition for one more. I ended up making her leave crying. I spoke with my mother and father over the phone later, and bluntly told then that their enabling of my sister led to the previous family dynamic. I will never go back to how things were. So if they have any hope of that left, I'm snuffing it out for good. My parents then told my sister for the love of god to stop blaming me and to leave me alone. They can't take the stress of my retaliation anymore. Well my sister had a literal "No one loves me!" pity party. And my parents had to snap her back to reality. My brother in law hasn't called. Pretty sure he's staying indifferent/neutral. But this can't be good for his marriage or my familial connection to him. So out of respect to my brother in law, I am sorry man. But your wife just pushed me too far. Currently my parents are insisting my sister gets counseling. Because she can't be a mom and juggle the habits of her old life too. Woman up as they say. Either way I'm hoping this is my last post. You hear that sis! If you don't stop thinking I should have been your personal slave, babysitter, watchdog, ETC ETC, and want to keep acting like the whole world is against you because you can't lord over me, then we can't be around each other. Maybe we can get along and move past this crap if you're willing. Don't give me a reason to write anything else and the reddit posts about you end here. I'll only post ones involving me and the treatment I get from people. Treat me like a decent human being, and this will be over. Kapeesh?! **Update:** ***(Editor's note:*** *I unfortunately don't know when this was added to the above post because reveddit, unddit and rareddit don't work anymore. Web archive did not save it nor did google cache.)* My parents and I had a long talk, in which they have apologized. And for the moment we have agreed that I'll keep a bit of a distance until Thanksgiving. I also had a man to man talk with my brother in law last night over some cold beers. He told my sister she needed counseling, or he would separate from her. And they are in the process of finding her a counselor. He also told me that while my sister was an absolute witch to me, at home she is a very loving and endearing wife. But she also admitted that she liked being an only child. We're nearly a decade apart in age, so my sister held onto some resentment about that for a long time, and just let it build up. She's agreed that she does need counseling, and will be going as soon as they get it set up. They've also found a qualified babysitter to look after my nephews. Aside from those things, my brother in law did admit that he was angry with me too. But didn't step in when I needed him. So we've agreed that this was all just a very bad situation that needs to be ended. So we're just gonna let it rest in peace from here on out. Lastly, these posts have gotten me a gilfriend. The girl I like had a feeling it was me after she read them, and was just waiting for me to say something. And we'll be going on our first date tonight. So I thank everybody here for their immense support. I really needed it.

AITA for saying I'll be driving myself and paying for my own room on the upcoming family vacation so I won't have to be a babysitter?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14z6ro7/aita_for_saying_ill_be_driving_myself_and_paying/

14z6yxs

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Accomplished_Foot891. They posted in r/cats. **Trigger Warning:** >!animal abandonment; animal injury/infection!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!wholesome as shit!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/140xb0b/8_lives_left/)**: June 4, 2023** Title: 8 lives left (post starts with a video) I found this lil guy on the side of the street disoriented. I grabbed him because he was feet away from being run over. I can't take him to a vet until tomorrow, Monday morning. I tried making it kitten milk and giving him food but it doesn't want to eat. The good news is it did poop normal no diarrhea. I gave it a warm bath but what can i do to provide best comfortt till I take it to the vet tomorrow? Its really skinny baby. I can feel its bones. Help? *Video description:* A small, white kitten sits in a cat bad. It looks like it has seen better days but still makes meowing sounds and responds to the nice pats of OOP. OOP says they'll take the kitty to the vet tomorrow and won't leave. **Update in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/140xb0b/8_lives_left/jn0f2hv/?context=3)**: June 5, 2023 (Next Day)** UPDATE: VET VISIT WENT WELL. He's resting now in a warm fluffy bed. Was not a lil happy camper getting poked in his butt and getting an antibiotic shot but he will be fine. I'm going to nurse him to Robust health and hopefully find somebody that can give him a furever home. I already have 2 cats and 1 dog. I dunno if I can afford another baby at home. =( But at least he is love and has a great home now. Thank you for all your advice and well wishes!! *Attached is a picture of antibiotics, eye wash and cat food* **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/14tqgx8/update_because_you_reached_out/)**: July 7, 2023 (1 month later)** Title: Update!!! Because you reached out (with video attachment) REMEMBER THIS LIL GUY??? [https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/140xb0b/8\_lives\_left/](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/140xb0b/8_lives_left/) I named him Winky. Unfortunately his eye infection was so severe that the medication the vet gave me wasn't enough to save his little eye. I was horrified to wake up one day and see he had dried bloody crust on his little face. On the bright side, he no longer has parasites, mange or pneumonia and is permanently off the streets. Winky has a family now with his 3 other rescue siblings. Yes, i decided to keep him after all. Once he gets a little older, the vet will reevaluate the next step for his eye and Ill get his necessary shots and sterlize him, since he is still too young for any major surgery. For now, i still administer eye drops, Ciprofloxacin, to avoid any infections as directed by his vet. The first couple videos on this reel shows how bad of shape he was when I found him. He's a purrrrrfect beautiful baby. He's so sweet and playful and I am so happy I was able to help this lil angel out. Thank you to everyone who sent the loving vibes and concerns. Please help control pet population by getting your pets spayed or neutered. <3 *Video description:* A compilation of videos of Winky, starting with the original video. Winky grows stronger and more playful throughout each clip, and cuddles with OOP. He also gets along with the pup as well. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Can the eye recover?* "The vet told me he will re examine his eye but he lost it for sure. Whatever is left will need to be removed once he gets bigger"

Wholesome saga of a rescued cat

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14z6yxs/wholesome_saga_of_a_rescued_cat/

14zjvmu

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaytogetherccc in r/offmychest trigger warnings: >!infidelity, cancer!< mood spoilers: >!sad and depressing for OOP!< **There is an updated version [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15o79jc/new_update_oops_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a/)** **There is a final update [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15o79jc/new_update_oops_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a/)** [I am at a loss as to what to do with my (54M) wife (51F) request](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14h5dj1/i_am_at_a_loss_as_to_what_to_do_with_my_54m_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 24th June 2023 My wife and I have been married since 2001 and together since 1999. She is the most intelligent, thoughtful, caring, loyal person I know, and I have always thought of myself as fortunate to have met and married her. She is, even today, aesthetically beautiful and men have told her this throughout our marriage. She has always shot them down. Earlier this year, she was diagnosed with uterine cancer, stage 1 and had a full hysterectomy. I was never concerned about the cancer, it was diagnosed early, dealt with quickly and she made a full recovery. I took time off work to look after her after the surgery and all seemed well. There were some to-be-expected emotional instances on her part and although I am not an emotional person, we dealt with them together. After her recover, she was insistent that we start “living life to the fullest” and took a 10 day trip to Europe, followed by a trip to Belize. We also have a trip to the UK and Spain/Portugal later this year. I am fine with these things, building memories and crossing bucket-list adventures off her/our list. I also understand that these are a result of feeling fragile on her part. She also took up Yoga, Swimming and healthy cooking classes. I was fully onboard until last week. Last week she came home from work and told me she wanted a “hall pass”. A one-time opportunity for her to have sex with someone else besides me. She said that since her cancer diagnosis her outlook on life has changed and she doesn’t want to be handcuffed from doing things she wants do. She explained that there is this guy at her work that she has always had some attraction to. He is leaving the company and she will never see him again, so this is the perfect opportunity to sleep with someone else. She said that I could say no of course but that she would “be mad/disappointed at me for an indeterminate amount of time and that it would be confirmation of my male toxicity and insecurity.” I don’t consider myself to be toxic and if not wanting your wife of 20+ years to have sex with someone else is insecure than I guess I am insecure. I told her that I appreciated her talking to me about this but approval via coercion is not approval. I also said that I do not appreciate her language in describing my, as of yet, unknown reaction to this very large issue that could affect the rest of our marriage/life. I got up in the morning she basically said that she was sorry for putting such a large decision solely on my shoulders and that to “help” she was taking the decision away from me. She booked a hotel near where her coworkers are having a party/send-off for this guy and she would spend the night there, with him and hoped that I would be here when she got back. That she would answer any questions I have about the night after it happened but not before. She will not tell me who he is or anything about him “because she knows me too well and that I will dwell and obsess over him” and that would make it “too real for me” which is pretty accurate. Her POV is that the less I know the better which contradicts the offer to tell me anything I want to know after it happened. I think she knows I wont want to know/ask anything or she simply will not tell me. Part of me thinks, at least she has been honest with me and she has been through a lot since finding out she had cancer so maybe I should just let it happen. I certainly have no concept of what she went through so I cannot dismiss how this affected her mental state/outlook on life. Part of me wants to put my foot down and say this is not going to happen and deal with those consequences when they happen. Her BFF called me callous for even suggesting that I wouldn’t let it happen, because I have no idea what she went through. I find it hard to believe that she is OK with the possibility of throwing away 20+ years of marriage over some guy that she has had no relationship with outside of work and that I should just call her bluff. Maybe she thinks similarly that I won’t throw away the marriage because of one encounter. I just don’t know what to do. I empathize with her and then an instant later I am angry with her. Part of me wants to know who this guy is? What does he look like, what has he got that is so enthralling for her. Is he just a safe option? Is he married? Does his wife know? Would I be a callous asshole for saying No? What can I do besides walking away? TLDR: Wife battled cancer, won, but now wants to have one night with a soon-to-be former coworker and I have no say in the matter. Accept it or destroy 20+ years of a great marriage. **Top Comment from** u/Biauralbeats *Kinda think this is the way your marriage will be from now on. With her epiphany, she wants to relive her life and she is going to do it regardless of your feelings. I think she is being rather selfish and probably only threatens this because she thinks you are beaten down and will simply put up with it. Perhaps not the best time for trips and frills. She wants the single life- let her see what that means.* &#x200B; **OOP replies to some comments** *She thinks because she will never see this guy again and that I have never met him (supposedly) that it wont really affect me or our marriage in the long term.* *I am left with accepting it and never viewing her the same way again or going through a divorce at 54. Not really great options on either front.* *I don't know where her head is and the bout with cancer is affecting her in ways that I couldn't possibly imagine. I don't think she believes I will leave.* [Update my cancer survivor wife wanted a "Hall Pass" UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14kszqw/update_my_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a_hall_pass/) \- 28th June 2023 I received a ton of advice that I couldn't possibly respond to. I do appreciate the people who took time to offer advice in the comments or via PM. It has been an exhausting couple of days. I was hoping that my opposition to her plans would give her pause, but unfortunately that did not happen. I said I am a hard no, and I am not sure how I will feel about you, if you go ahead with it. I was met once again with “this is for me, it will be one time, what can I say to help you deal with it, you’ll get over it, we were meant to be regardless of the situation” remarks leading up to Saturday. She left Saturday, ostensibly to meet her coworkers, but in reality fuck the guy. I asked her to text me when she was leaving for the bar and when she did I asked her if she was really going to go through with this. After her response “I am not answering anymore questions tonight, I will see you tomorrow.” I blocked my wife. Then I did something either stupid or brilliant. I went to the bar where the get-together was happening. Well not the bar but a transit bench across the street. I waited for a long time. It was running through my mind the leading up to this event, that I need to know who this guy was, maybe to compare myself against him. To see what he had that I do not. It was driving me crazy not knowing who he was and what was so special about him that she would ruin a marriage for. After what seemed like eternity, a woman that I recognized from my wife’s office left the bar and got in a cab. Soon other people started filing out and a whole group came out and people were hugging a man and shaking his hand. I assumed that I had my guy. I didn’t see my wife and had a brief thought that maybe she called it all off. I unblocked her and there were no messages. Everyone said their goodbyes and left, dude was standing outside for a few minutes and then my wife came out. She looked around, took his hand and started walking away together. Of all the emotions I went through, trepidation, sadness, anger, it was disgust that really encapsulated the event for me. This guy was short, fat, and bald, all the things I cannot compete with. Ultimately, I felt like a pervert for watching from a distance. I followed until they got to the hotel, and then turned around and went home. I woke up Sunday morning and put a lock on the master bedroom door. I moved her things to the spare room and left a note asking her to find other accommodations as quickly as possible. I visited another friend who is a lawyer and he gave me some sage advice and a couple of recommendations for divorce attorneys and made the introductions. My wife had been calling me numerous time since around 11 or so. Once blocked the calls go to voicemail. I listened to the first couple but felt nothing but some satisfaction when she couldn’t get through to me and she was obviously becoming concerned. I didn’t want to go home but I left in such a hurry that I didn’t plan an overnight properly. I got home around 9 and as per my buddy’s advice, I recorded the interaction. I was halfway up the stairs when she came up from the family room asking what was going on? Could we talk? I thought we talked about this? I just answered with I am not interested in discussing this tonight and went to bed. After not getting a response from me through the door she left me alone. I feel kind of like a child for not talking with her and shutting the door on her but I just couldn't look at her. Monday I got up and ready for work, she was waiting for me and asked if we could discuss getting back to normal. I said, you have been doing all the talking for the both of us for the last week, why don’t you continue and left for work. I have an appointment with the attorneys my friend recommended for this week. TLDR: She went ahead with it. I am actually more disgusted by who she chose than the sex itself, if that makes any sense. I asked her to find somewhere else to live. **Top Comment from** u/RJPONY01 *I can only hope that you've decided to do what's best for you. At the end of the day you're the one that has to live with your decisions. From your previous post it's obvious that your wife, and I use that term merely as a placeholder, has made her decision.* *I know that having something that has been such a huge part of your life end can be daunting, but sometimes it's for the best.* &#x200B; \*\*Marked as ongoing as there might be further updates &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP's cancer survivor wife wanted a "Hall Pass"

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zjvmu/oops_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a_hall_pass/

14zk42n

Content Warning: >!Child Abuse, Rape, Incest!< Mood Spoiler: >!Depressing but OOP is hopeful by the end!< [Post 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/update_aita_for_never_telling_my_mother_what_my/): - AITA for never telling my mother what my aunt was doing to me? - May 29th, 2023 So I (24m) have had my life flipped around. My mom was ten and her sister, my aunt, was 14 when they immigrated from Taiwan. My mom got into a lot of trouble and she and my dad were both 14 when she got pregnant. My grandparents didn't let her get an abortion. I was so close to my mom until I was like eight and then she just started partying, hanging out with friends, arguing with my grandparents all the time. There were a few times when she just took me after an argument and kept me away for a month or had my dad keep me. It kind of continued like that until I was thirteen and my grandparents died. My aunt's engagement collapsed and she moved in to help my mom. My aunt groomed me and it messed me up. My grades dropped, I started screaming at mom and blaming how she used to act for how I acted, I got into fights at school and I was so afraid of my aunt to the point where I'd start cuddling with my mom all night just to stay away from her. When I was sixteen, my aunt got pregnant and she moved away with a friend like a week later. She came over once after the baby, David, was born and when my mom went out for a little bit she made me hold him and took a photo of us and said I should hold my son while I can. Then she moved with David to Taiwan and started living with a cousin. I have tried to forget everything she did to me. I graduated with honours and I got a wonderful job. I have tried to make my mom proud, I mean I just got her a car, she calls my fiancee the daughter she never had. My fiancee is the only one I told this because I had to let her know. Apparently last Monday, my aunt drunkenly told the cousin everything she did to me and about me being David's father. She got kicked out right away and my mom was told everything by the cousin. My mom had a breakdown and she asked me if she was really so horrible that I couldn't tell her this happened to me. She yelled, that she would have been able to help but because I didn't know her grandson is stuck with a monster. She kicked me out saying I never must have forgiven her for how she used to act. I've talked to my fiancee about it and she's said my mom just needs time and can't fathom the idea that she has a grandson she can't help. I am so confused, was I wrong to never tell her? Edit 5/30/2023: I just want to say that I appreciate the support of everyone. I don't know what the future will bring but thank you all for making me a little bit happy. Post 1 Comments: * OOP on being a victim [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13v1xiw/comment/jm3z9cs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*I know that I'm the victim now, my fiancee has helped me understand that. With how people used to tease me for my aunt being how she was, I used to struggle with that. But even though my mom used to neglect me then it's like she's most mad at me because she couldn't save me and wishes she could have. And now I'm afraid that she hates me.*" * OOP on why he thinks he's the asshole [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13v1xiw/comment/jm3zmd5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*But if I'd told my mom then she could have saved me. That's what she thinks at least and now she must think that I hate her or something terrible. So I really don't see how I'm not wrong especially because my son - and it's weird to even think that I have one - is with the person who hurt me.*" [Post 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/update_aita_for_never_telling_my_mother_what_my/) \- UPDATE: AITA for never telling my mom what my aunt was doing to me? - July 7th, 2023 It has been a rough month and a bit since I last posted. The day after my post my mom called me back home and said we needed to talk. And well when I came back and sat down on the couch to talk she just started crying so I started crying. She calmed down first but I kept crying and it's embarrassing to write but I fell asleep. My mom woke me up and we had a talk about things and I have to thank u /BetSavings4279 for what they told me. I told my mom how because of how provocative my aunt was and how other kids would tease me whenever they'd see her I was so confused when things were happening and I was trying to push it all down and away. She even brought up though how she should have known something was wrong because no kid at that age should cuddle with their mom all through the night but she was too wrapped up in trying to have fun to notice. And then I don't know I tried to tell her how much I've worked to make her proud and she told me that she's always been proud and I'm proof that she didn't end up being a waste of space like her parents always called her and I'm her entire life. And then she admitted that she called my aunt the night before and she told me that even though she wanted to be sly with things to find out about David, my aunt knew why she was calling. It turns out after my cousin kicked her out, my aunt moved in to a hotel room because she couldn't afford an apartment. My mom offered to pay that apartment on the condition that she sends David to her and my aunt agreed. My mom told me that she wishes she could send my aunt to jail so she could suffer but she won't fail her grandson like she failed me so she had to bring him. He came a week after and my aunt did not come with, she sent him on the plane with a relative who didn't know what was up and left the day after to visit other people. He was really quiet and confused and my mom took him around everywhere trying to get full custody of him right away. I don't know anything about this legal stuff or how he was even allowed to come with a guardian but my mom has told me not to worry about it and she's handling it. He did refer to my mom as his aunt when he came but as soon as our relative left, she made him start calling her grandma and as weird as it's been, calling me dad. He seemed uncomfortable with it but he's kind of gotten used to it. My mom has loved being a grandma and David is already really attached to her. I know it's only been a little bit since he came but it reminds me of myself at that age with how I used to cling to her. She's introduced him to all her close friends. Whenever they ask about his mom, she just says that she's in Taiwan and sent him over for a better life us since I'm getting married. Yesterday my mom did talk to me and point out some strange stuff with David that she's noticed and her belief that my aunt was starting to do to him what she'd done to me. I don't really know what to do with that info. My fiancee has told me I just need to keep handling it like I'm doing and stay confident. I'm doing my best but with how things have been I don't know if it's good enough. That said, I do feel like I'm mentally better knowing my fiancee is good with my mom taking in David and my mom and I clearing things up about what my aunt did. Post 2 Comments: * OOP on being called dad [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/comment/jr6qp6k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*My mom is going to seek custody of him and will be the one raising him. I'm not taking it, we had decided that was for the best because my mom doesn't want me thrust in that role without being ready for it. Yes, it's weird to have him calling me dad but I can accept it because for better or worse it's who I am and maybe in the future things can be different.*" * OOP on David being a do-over baby [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/comment/jr6qy2g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*My mom is taking him to a children's therapist. At first it was to help him adjust from moving from Taiwan to here but now she's got a referral to take him to a specialist as well. And maybe he is her 'do-over baby' but I guess the way I see it is if she can raise him how I wish she'd have raised me, then I really was never what was wrong but it was the situation and I can be happy for her.*" * OOP on if a DNA test was done to verify David is his son [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/comment/jr6q9st/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*Yes.*" * OOP on legalities involving David [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgvrd/comment/jr6wzm6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "*We did get one. He is mine. My mom is handling the legal stuff and as of this morning, she's assured me that she'll be able to be David's legal guardian soon and my aunt will have no right to take him away. I really don't know the legal stuff or anything and my mom knows it'll stress me, so she's keeping me dissociated from it all. And honestly, I know she should be in jail but I don't think we can do anything to her with her in Taiwan.*"

OOP asks AITA for never telling my mother what my aunt was doing to me?

ONGOING

BlujjonBudgie

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zk42n/oop_asks_aita_for_never_telling_my_mother_what_my/

14zlarl

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Subject_Fan_751 **in** r/AskDocs mood spoilers: >!likely not the scariest outcome, whew!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/14s71zm/bite_wound_starting_to_make_me_feel_sick/) \- **July 6, 2023** Age: 26 Gender: Female Weight: 163 Height: 5’5 Medical history: no history of disease/smoking/illness. About two months ago I got bit by a raccoon on my front porch. This was a very unusual and frustrating occurrence because I shoo raccoons off my porch all the time where I live and they usually scatter the first time they see me. The one that bit straight up attacked me aggressively when I tried to shoo him and bit me on the leg. I took the necessary precautions and washed the bite with soap and water to disinfect and put a bandage on it and tried to move on. About two months later the bite still itches and burns and I’ve been starting to feel tired and sick. Symptoms include fever, headache, nausea, fatigue, and light sensitivity. I hate going to the doctor because they always charge too much but I’m wondering if my symptoms are a coincidence? It’s possible the fever and Illness are separate from the bite or am I just paranoid/crazy? I’ve been bitten by animals before and it’s never caused me this much trouble. I just don’t want to shell out a fortune for a checkup and meds unless it’s absolutely necessary. Any suggestions? &#x200B; [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/14s71zm/comment/jqw8da9/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- **3 hours after original post** Have arrived at the hospital. Thanks to everyone for your advice. I feel like the biggest idiot for not taking care of this sooner. Will provide updates when I can. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/14s71zm/bite_wound_starting_to_make_me_feel_sick/) \- **July 7, 2023 (1 day later)** UPDATE: thanks everyone so much for your support and advice. You guys have been amazing. I didn’t expect to get this many replies and I don’t know why this thread was locked but I’ll share what updates I have here. The doctors don’t think it’s rabies. They won’t know for 100% sure until they do more extensive tests but they’re optimistic, especially since I’m starting to feel better after almost 24 hours of treatment. After the sheer number of different tests I’ve had, I’m hoping I’ll have a more conclusive answer in the next few days but for right now, things look good. To the people calling me stupid, you’re absolutely right and I deserve it. When I was bitten, the people closest to me in my life told me not to worry about it and that I’d be fine. I decided to listen to them instead of my better judgement. Have I heard of rabies before? Yes. I’ve heard of a number different diseases before. Did I know rabies was THIS serious? No I did not. Did I know that I might potentially be carrying the most deadly disease in human history in my body? Absolutely not, otherwise I wouldn’t have taken an insane gamble like this. The doctors informed me that rabies is astronomically rare, and although they’re going to continue running every test under the sun on me, right now, my condition fits better with a more standard and less serious infection. They also informed me that what I did was incredibly reckless and dangerous, and that any time I’m scratched or bit by an animal in the future, I should seek medical assistance immediately. The irony of the situation is that I avoided the doctor to save money, but my stay here is going to end up costing me way more than if I had just gone in for a simple shot after getting bit. Some lessons in life need to be learned the hard way, but I’d much rather have a massive bill on my hand then end up in a coffin. The amount of positive and uplifting dms I’ve been receiving has been nothing short of amazing. You guys are absolutely some of the nicest most thoughtful people I’ve ever met, and I never expected that from strangers who don’t know me personally. I’ll try and share more updates in the coming days but for now I’m just going to keep resting. Thanks guys again, your support means the world to me. And thanks for helping me realize what an idiot I’ve been. I definitely needed a wake up call. &#x200B; *(editing to add final update for completion's sake, though it was just made today. Sorry Mods if this is not allowed, I can remove!)* [Final update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/14s71zm/bite_wound_starting_to_make_me_feel_sick/) \- **July 14, 2023** SECOND UPDATE: I have almost made a complete and total recovery. I'm back home and I have resumed my normal life. So what happened exactly? The Doctors believe that it was my constant picking, rubbing, and scratching at my wound as it was trying to heal that caused the infection to get in, NOT from the animal bite itself, which would explain why it took so long for me to actually get sick from it. Looking back on this whole situation, I cant believe how much all of this could have been avoided with a simple doctor checkup. This is by far the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life, and I wanted to thank you all for helping to realize what a fool I've been for putting it off as long as I did. With my life going back to normally slowly, I don't think I'll be updating this post anymore, but I appreciate all the support and the much needed criticism I've received. I'll be taking it all to heart to hopefully make better decisions with my health in the future. Thanks everyone again and I hope you all have long healthy happy lives! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Bite wound starting to make me feel sick?

CONCLUDED

alexds1

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zlarl/bite_wound_starting_to_make_me_feel_sick/

14zln9m

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRa55192529929 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!threats!< mood spoilers: >!awkward, determination, anticipation, relief!<   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1461702/caught_my_boss_cheating_with_his_wifes_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sat, June 10, 2023 Our company was celebrating securing another five-year contract with a massive client. We do these office parties quite often with every big-ish achievement. It’s our boss's way of appreciating our work (bonuses are awarded too) and boosting morale, as the workload can get intense. Anyway, the party was well underway in our boss's house. Everyone was drunk, indulging in good food, and generally having a good time. Needing the bathroom, I excused myself and headed for the basement bathroom. Everyone always forgets it's there, so I knew it would be empty. I blame it on the alcohol or perhaps the loud music just above, but I didn't hear anything to give me warning of the horror of what I would witness until I stumbled into the unlocked bathroom and saw my boss's wife's best friend (also an employee of his) riding my boss as he sat on top of the toilet. I rushed out immediately after. I didn't even hesitate. I headed straight for the front door, walked for what felt like forever, then called myself an Uber home. This all happened last night, and I've just woken up with a killer hangover, bracing for the impact of the awkward encounter I'll have with my boss on Monday... lol. &#x200B; ***Comments:*** ***AccBal*** >My advice? > >Ignore it, go to work, do your job, clock out, repeat ***OOP Replied:*** >Honestly I’m leaning towards this, a lot of people are advising I go the ethical route and tell the wife but we’re in a cost of living crisis, inflation is crazy and rent is even worse, I’m not about to loose my job and potentially get a bad reference for nothing because at the end of the day the wife could just simply ignore me, accuse me of lying or just not care. > >Either way I’m not planning any big sudden changes until after Monday. &#x200B; &#x200B; ***Update was posted on*** r/offmychest ***after the mods of*** r/TrueOffMyChest ***removed the original post*** [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/149aygy/caught_my_boss_cheating_with_his_wifes_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Wed, Jun 14, 2023 As many of you have suggested, I wrote a more detailed version of events within my email. I also scheduled a meeting with HR to get ahead of the issue. I had the meeting scheduled on Monday, about an hour before people usually start coming in. We decided to keep the recording of the meeting informal and keep all the notes in my file, simply because it wouldn't lead to an official investigation. The mistress and my boss are in two different departments, and my boss isn't technically her direct boss, which means the dating rules between them are in a gray area. I don't really care about that anyway, as I was worried about my job security. After HR, the day began as usual. We attended a morning meeting. During said meeting, I noticed how often my boss would avoid eye contact with me. Every time I did look his way (which was often, as he speaks the most), he always made it a point to look away from my side of the conference room. Fast forward to around lunchtime, a group of us had ordered in and would work through our lunch together. We do this work-through-lunch thing a couple of times a week. It's a time for us to bounce ideas off one another, check our progress on various projects, help out where it's needed, etc. It's usually reserved for employees with no senior members (although that's not a rule, it's just what we've always done), so it was strange for our boss to be there. Still, I carried on like nothing was wrong. Towards the end of the lunch, we had gotten to the topic of the party. Someone had asked me about my whereabouts at the end of the night, and at this point, I knew the safest option would be to pretend to be too drunk. I even gave my boss a few compliments on the food they had prepared. Everyone around me bought the story with no issues, and I could only hope that my boss did too. Now, on to Tuesday... When things returned back to normal between my boss and me in the morning, I assumed he had believed my story from yesterday. Only now, I see he was merely playing a part. His mistress cornered me into the ladies' toilets. Before this incident, this woman used to be sweet, caring, and a bit of a people-pleaser. Think of Charles Boyle from B99 (without the office doughnut fermentation). Now, she was a vicious version of herself who was completely unrecognizable. She told me she didn't buy my story, which told me she and my boss had already discussed me. She told me I shouldn't even think of telling the wife because she wouldn't believe some employee over her husband and best friend (true). She threw in a few insults in between it all, then finished it by threatening the ending of my career by mentioning how she has my boss wrapped around her finger. She told me time and time again to keep quiet, otherwise things would get messy... Now, this is the part that fills me with immense joy. To the Reddit user who sent me links to Amazon for spy recording gadgets, you, my friend, deserve the world! I had bought a pen ready just in case my boss didn't believe my story on Monday (like many of you suggested, I should be recording all conversations). When he didn't pull me aside for a conversation, the small pen was forgotten on the inside top pocket of my shirt. The pen has no voice command and basically just records until you hit stop. And since I hit start the second I walked into the office, it recorded my entire day. So now, I'm sitting here on a gold mine as the mistress just confessed to her crimes, then threatened me if I didn't comply. I'm currently brushing up my CV as my amazing boyfriend sifts through the recording to piece everything together. There probably won't be another update for a while, not until my plan comes together. So until then, Reddit! Edit: I've had a few people ask me this, so I'd rather reply to it here. Thank you for your concern, guys. I've already checked the laws in my country surrounding recording conversations. Edit 2: All updates are on my page as they've been removed from 'offmychest.' I know a few of you have been sending me messages for them, so this is just easier than replying to you all. &#x200B; ***Comments:*** ***Volunteer1986*** >I'm sorry I just don't see why you would have or should have done anything. He wasn't her superior right? You said it was in a grey zone. ***OOP replied:*** >I wasn’t planning on doing a single thing until the mistress threatened me, the recording device was always meant as a precaution. The mistress wouldn’t have cornered me without my boss’s approval. I’d rather not have to look over my shoulder every time I go to work, I deserve peace. ***Volunteer1986*** >Honestly it sounds as if they got tipped off about your meeting with HR or there is more to the story. ***OOP replied :*** >The HR department at my workplace is extremely strict when it comes to conduct/procedures. I specifically chose to have a meeting with the head of HR not anyone else because that woman has been with the company for over 40 years, a lot of rules we have to follow now were implemented by her and a few other senior members. > >When I say the whole company trust her I mean the whole company, people in her department have been fired for sharing confidential information, I doubt she would be the one to break said rule and since no one else knew of my meeting, no other member of HR would think to randomly click on my file. > >Secondly, you clearly haven’t been around catty women, women who are mistresses or women who are cheaters, unfortunately I’ve seen quite a bit of that and one the things these women have in common is audacity. If there is something going on, or they did find out somehow it truly doesn’t matter. My plan is in full effect whether they know I know or not. > >Also I went to HR because I was scared my boss would threaten my job, (just as his mistress did) it was never my intention to get them in trouble, like I said their relationship is in a grey area so they’re not even in trouble. I’ve seen how bosses act when they want to get employees fired, write up after write until that shit plies up & they fire them. That’s not the way I’m planning to go. &#x200B; &#x200B; ***Subsequent Updates were posted on OOP's profile*** [**UPDATE 2**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa55192529929/comments/14jpqrr/update_2_i_caught_my_boos_cheating_with_his_wifes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Jun 26, 2023 Alright, Reddit, I know it's been a while, but the update is worth giving, and I'm hoping after this one, there'll be only one left. Since the mistress cornered me, I had every intention of not only exposing the affair to the wife but the entire office too... I know it's petty and crappy, but she was a b\*\*\*\*. I just needed a little time. So I needed time for one of two reasons: 1. My company dishes out a massive bonus after ten years of service. I have been with them since I graduated university, and I knew the ten-year mark was coming in just a few weeks' time. I would have been a fool to pass up that money, and now it's safely in my bank account. 2. I needed to line up another job, which I did at the company my boyfriend works in. He vouched for me, which helped in securing a place and fast-tracking the application process. Now with the first part of my plan executed, came the second part. A while ago, my boyfriend and I had booked holidays starting from last week and ending in two weeks' time. By sheer luck, these holidays couldn't have come at a more perfect time! During the first week, besides seeing SZA & Beyonce perform (highlight of the month so far, by the way), I received and accepted an offer at my new place of employment and handed in my resignation at my current place of employment, which means I will now be working my notice period at a 5-star all-inclusive resort in Mexico! (Don't worry, I've re-read my contract a hundred times. They only require you to work a notice of two weeks but sometimes ask if you can stay until they find cover). My old workplace offers and encourages ex-employees to complete an exit interview. I was more than happy to comply with this. After the basic questions of 'what's it like to work there', 'were you pleased with the salary and benefits', blah blah blah, you get the gist, came the question I was most excited for: 'what are your reasons for leaving (company name here)'. Let me tell you, I answered that question with great detail, from the office party to where the first incident took place, to the threat I received when I was cornered in the ladies' toilets. I even went on to explain that I had evidence supporting my claims. I was clear in that the only reason I was leaving was the fear of my job security, that I would miss my team dearly (which I would), and that I hoped this wouldn't happen to another employee. Now, part three; after a simple Google search, I found my old boss's wife's work email address (it's a little alarming how easy it is to find people's info online these days). In great detail, I once again explained my version of events, including a little audio file just in case she didn't believe me. I explained to her that she was free to do as she pleases with the information as I no longer worked at the company. I've even reached out offering my support, along with an amazing family lawyer who happens to be my boyfriend's sister-in-law. That woman is a beast in the courtroom. Once I found out you could watch random court procedures, it became a hobby for my boyfriend and me to watch in the back of the courtroom, truly relishing in the drama (sorry for the detour). I also mentioned to the wife my intentions to expose her husband to the office (I feel a little guilty having to embarrass her like this), if they were so careless about their affair, it leads me to believe others may know and have kept it quiet due to fear. I've been fortunate enough to find other employment much faster than I had originally predicted, but I know my experience isn't the same for many, and I wouldn't allow the mistress to install fear into anyone in my old team. They're all amazing people with families to support! After I sent that email, I sent out a message to my old work group chat, again explaining the true reason I left along with the voice recording. I encouraged others to go to HR if they have experienced a similar situation and to not live in fear (I could only hope they listen to this). This was all done about an hour ago, a time where everyone back home would be asleep. By morning, I'm sure everyone, including the HR team, would have seen everything... I'm nervous, a little excited, but overall sad. Sad for the wife, she's losing two of the most important people in her life, sad for myself, I truly loved my job along with the people too, they were all so welcoming when I started. Sad for the person I once thought my boss was, he was such an inspiring guy, gave me more responsibility than I thought I could handle, but he had so much faith in me... he's done a really crappy thing to someone he claims he loves... I mean, of all people, he could have chosen, why the best friend? Why is it always the best friend? Anyway, that's the update for now. I'm sure once the messages pour in, once everyone is awake, I'll have another update ready. I promise to have it out as quick as I can as I want to sip and enjoy these cocktails without the constant messages for updates (just kidding). Until next time, Reddit! Edit: This update was made last night, meaning the responses of the last update are in and should be coming soon. I'll try to do it before I go to sleep, depending on how many cocktails I have today. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**UPDATE 3**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa55192529929/comments/14krb3q/update_3_i_caught_my_boss_cheating_with_his_wifes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **-** Tue, Jun 27, 2023 This will likely be my last update. I'm going to try to include as many details as I can without going on and on, although it would simply be easier to do it with screenshots... haha! Let's start with HR. I found out from my colleagues that they hadn't reviewed the exit video I made yet (tbh I didn't think it would be their top priority). It wasn't until the rumour mill of the whole situation reached them. After they did, I received an email today from the head of HR. As expected, she was shocked to find out the real reason I left, as I assured her a few times after our first meeting that things were fine. She relayed her concerns along with well wishes at first, but of course, she had to do her job, and through ambiguous language, it was clear she was trying to gauge what evidence I had and how badly it implicated the mistress along with the company too. I simply replied back that any discussions we needed to have would be when I'm back in the UK and with a lawyer present. She has yet to respond with a time and date. So let's start with the group chat. Keep in mind it doesn't include all the people I work with (obviously), just the ones in my department and the ones I make plans with outside of work. As expected, the group chat has been lit up since the whole ordeal, and the jokes are still coming in as I type this. Most people were shocked, and a few have said they've always suspected the two, but they chalked it up to reading too many "Wattpad"-type books. Needless to say, they are reeling in the drama. They also informed me that my boss (despite booking a holiday himself for the week) had been called into meetings with HR and a few higher-ups. I doubt I would hear more from this, not unless someone had insider knowledge. What surprised me was that I received an email in my personal inbox from one of my colleagues, someone who's not in my department and someone I don't have regular contact with. I won't go into too much detail, but basically, y'all were right. I wasn't the only one who caught them in the act. Only they didn't see my colleague, and at the time, he was with his now girlfriend (another company employee), so they just kept their mouths shut. As for the wife, I honestly expected harsh retaliation. In fact, I had drafted a skeleton email to respond to it if need be. She completely surprised me. She was extremely apologetic for the whole situation. She knew how much I looked up to my boss and expressed how deeply sorry she was on behalf of her husband and best friend. She revealed to me that she and her husband were in the midst of separating, although she didn't reveal the reason behind the separation. I'm sure we can all assume. Apparently, he was to use his week off to move his stuff out from their house and into an apartment. And now, with this new evidence, she's decided not to delay any further, and she will be divorcing him. She joked in appreciation for using my boyfriend's sister-in-law as a lawyer, but of course, she already has one. We ended the emails with light-hearted goodbyes and good luck wishes for our new futures. Keep in mind everything she tells me, I have to believe at face value. I don't really know this woman, and talking through emails/messages, you can never really gauge how genuine people are. But at this point, I choose to believe her as she hasn't given me a reason not to. I'm sure you guys are a little disappointed about the anticlimactic responses, but honestly, I'm so over the drama. I'm glad things are seemingly slowing down. Now I can relax, drink myself stupid with my boyfriend, and if you have any activity recommendations for Cancun, let me know! We're up for trying anything.   &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I Caught My Boss and His Wife's Best Friend In The Act, Am I at Risk of Getting Fired?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zln9m/i_caught_my_boss_and_his_wifes_best_friend_in_the/

14zmj10

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/darlingdearr **AITA for cooking food while my roommate's girlfriend was here & offering her some** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13os3i5/aita_for_cooking_food_while_my_roommates/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 22, 2023** I(21m) am from the south. I grew up in New Orleans and Texas. My mom runs a catering business and the majority of clients were either at home in Louisiana or in Texas. I add this to say that I grew up cooking and helping my mom cook for the business. I was frying chicken and catfish when I could reach the stove and making gumbo and buttermilk biscuits at a very young. I'm currently in culinary school right now. I've lived in a rented house on the east coast with my roommate(22m) for a year and a half. He's not a friend or anything. We just linked up because we both needed roommates in the area. He's good to live with and we watch shows and movies together. We hang out and go out for drinks sometimes. I always make friends easy because of being from the south and doing customer service related things since I was a kid. I know how to talk and charm and listen to folk despite being naturally more in the introverted spectrum. My roommate has been seeing his girlfriend(20m) for like 6 months. I've met her before and seen her in passing. Roommate and his gf had a 2 week break from school things. She still lives at her parents so she decided to stay here the whole two weeks. I was just doing things as I would normally do. It got weird at first when I was about to go mow the lawn and the roommate stopped me and said he wanted to mow(I usually always mow.) A couple of days later I was outside washing my car. I asked both of them if they wanted me to do theirs. She looked like she was going to agree but he looked at her angrily so they declined. I cook pretty frequently at home as well and usually let my roommate have some. So any time I'd make some I would say that they could have some and this would get him pissed. Weeks prior when she was here and we were all talking. She mentioned this specific kind of cheesecake that she really likes. So I made and sent out a group text that everyone could have it. My roommate got upset. I don't see anything as overstepping a boundary as this is how I treat him and all guests. The other day he told me how annoying it was to hear his gf talk about "how good your roommate can fresh baked bread is." I'm not trying to make him look bad or anything. This is simply how i was raised. If I bake two loaves of bread I'm gonna leave it out for the house to eat. ​ EDIT- The cheesecake is just common courtesy type thing to me. When his parents come over i make pound cake because they like it. If a guest is coming you get/make what they like. Nothing odd about picking up their favorite chips or making some tea when guests arrive. Just how I was raised EDIT- Wow this has blown up. Just want to say we generally have a good roommate relationship. We're not best friends but it's friendly enough. The only change has been when his gf is here. So lol no I am not looking to for new roommates/to be adopted/or to move but thanks. Here is some more things that upset him. I went to the grocery store and asked if anyone needed anything I was frying chicken and offered the first/best pieces out the oil to them I changed the oil to my own car I used a smoker in the backyard to make brisket I grill and smoke in the backyard and needed a piece of wood cut into a certain way to hold something up. I cut and nailed some wood together in the garage. Feels like I can't even exist while she is here FINAL EDIT- I tend to see the good and best in people. So I was not seeing him as being very insecure and was trying to look at this in a more positive light. But he just texted me and said that I greet his gf in too kind of a way and it's annoying that I say "be safe" when she leaves the house(I say this to him and everyone when they they tell me they are going somewhere). He sent me a long text detailing it's bad that I look her in the eyes when she is talking to me??? Maybe it is time for a new roommate **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >If a guest is over you make stuff they like. When his parents spend time here I bake them poundcake because they like poundcake. Just hospitality. And I was already outside washing mine. Washing his and his gf's car wouldn't be no issue **ON THE ROOMMATES GIRLFRIEND** >She's an attractive lady but I hardly know her. Don't have romantic interests in her and I'm not in the business of going after women in relationships [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13r1ts2/update_aita_for_cooking_food_while_my_roommates/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **May 24, 2023** **OOP MADE AN UPDATE POST THAT WAS NOT APPROVED SO HE ADDED TO THE ORIGINAL POST** **UPDATE ~ ADDED ON MAY 24, 2023** My account was suspended due to some reddit error. Probably because I made a new throwaway and received a lot of attention I messaged reddit and the issue was quickly resolved. So that is why the last post was removed(it's back now). I'm not sure what the rules on updates are here A lot of people wanted an update I wanted to see my roommate in a more positive light. I tend to try to see the best in people but reading the replies and his recent actions have opened my eyes. I never took him too seriously because he's a pretty harmless little guy in my perspective. There is a big difference in how he lashes out at me compared to his gf. He's gotten big tough with me in text form but only mildly upset when I see him in person. I have taken a step back and looked at anything I could have done to provoke him(not excusing his behavior) And while I don't believe I am in the wrong for being hospital and hosting a guest. If a 75 year old man we're staying with us. I would treat him the same as I have treated his gf. I do realize that he is not from the south. I was told by others in school that women outside the south don't enjoy being called "ma'am." however, I've never seen a lady get angry if I did call her ma'am up here. I call women of all ages "dear" or "darling" and I could see how that could be seen as flirtatious even though it's just part of how I speak. Now that he knows I have seen him in his "true form" he doesn't even try to act the way he did before. I sent his gf screenshots of the texts he's sent and told her the things he's said. I'm not sure if she is leaving or staying but I've let her know and told her to let me know if she needs any help. I don't plan on moving any time soon as I enjoy having room for a grill and smoker and a garage. He told me he's looking for new places to live and will potentially go back to his parents. I make enough working at a restaurant to afford the rent alone. I would like more going into savings but I'm not worried financially for the time being. I am flattered and overwhelmed by all the positive replies. Bout a hundred of you told me to thank my mom so I sure will. I grew up working in hospitality with my mom and siblings. My dad is the one that instilled respect into me. He never felt emasculated even when my mom's business ended up making more than he does. They just save their money from their jobs and go on vacation a lot. Thank you for all the kindness and offers for adoption/jobs/relationships/friendships lol. A lot of people wanting gumbo & chicken recipes. Too much to type out but I use curry powder in a lot of things to give it some good flavor(that's how my mom does it). White pepper is essential for that good good fried chicken flavor **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for cooking food while my roommate's girlfriend was here & offering her some

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zmj10/aita_for_cooking_food_while_my_roommates/

14znahx

**I am not OOP**. OOP is u/nvmthebutterflies, posing in r/ColonyCats. (Great place for resources!) Fun Fact to hide spoilers: If you see a cat wandering around with a clipped ear, they were almost certainly part of a Trap-Neuter-Release program! Usually shortened to TNR, these are exactly what they sound like-- They get the cats, sterilize them, then release them back into their territory. They're usually marked by getting their ear snipped-- It's visible from a distance, and doesn't involve any negative health outcomes! In America, you'll usually see the whole tip of the ear clipped, but in Japan, a sakura/cherry blossom cut is common, where they take a lil V clip to make it look like, well, a cherry blossom! It's very cute. Trigger Warning: >!Discussion of animal harm !< Mood spoiler: >!Frustrating, worrying !< &#x200B; # ⨂⨂⨂ # Help Trapping Trap-Savvy Cats [*April 24, 2023*](https://www.reddit.com/r/ColonyCats/comments/12y2uoe/help_trapping_trapsavvy_cats/) Hello everyone! A first-time poster, so I apologize if this isn't necessarily the right place to post this. However, I need urgent help with catching VERY trap-savvy cats. The question at hand: Has anyone been successful with using trap nets such as this one? These cats, I'm trying to catch one full colony that needs to be relocated. There is 2 females, one with 2 babies, and 2 males. Thankfully, after a whole six months, we were able to catch the 3rd male that we had. These cats avoid the trap cages as soon as they are even within 20 feet, and go into hiding. Even the drop trap does not work. We've used all sorts of bait- fried chicken, sardines, tuna, wet cat food, salmon, fresh fish from the market, dry food, etc. Nothing seems to work, but these cats (when the trap cages are not out) will get pretty close to people. Not to be pet, but close enough where I think one of the nets may work. Does anyone have any experience? Context on relocation: I am in a college-based TNR group in which campus operations has now taken an issue to our TNR efforts- although we have spayed/neutered more than 18 cats this semester and adopted out 14. Anyways, this colony is their main concern, as they have been causing destruction and are a health violation due to where they are located. Therefore, we have compromised on bringing these cats through a barn cat situation. If not, their only other option is euthanasia. So, it is very important that we trap these cats. We have been trying to since November 2022 and have only caught 2 kittens (adopted out) and 1 silly male who is now in the process of transitioning to be a barn cat. Please help! Edit: I forgot to mention, I also think these cats have been trapped before or know what the traps do. Many of them accidentally got into one of the campus buildings 2-3 summers back and it was a large ordeal with animal control and campus operations. ◊ ***Comments*** [***Thread One***](https://www.reddit.com/r/ColonyCats/comments/12y2uoe/comment/jhlmyfw/?context=3) >u/woman_thorned Netting is very difficult, requires a professional and lots of practice. On a college campus, where? What are the laws? I find it difficult to believe common sentiment is for removal. You should trap train. Or rather, the college campus should trap train. This is not them doing you a favor, this is you doing favors for free that benefits only them. There are no professors of biology, zoology, agriculture, city planning you can get to weigh in on this? >u/nvmthebutterflies Thank you. I was purposefully slightly vague due to our situation... our organization has been requested to stop feeding, providing shelters, and TNRing... well more of the 'R' part of the TNR. They are fine with the trapping as long as the cats do not come back. I have to be really careful on what I post due to right now, we do not have any consequences if we were found feeding/trapping. But, we are a student-led organization. If we step on any toes... there might be fines/academic probation. Unfortunately, as well, we cannot trap train. In order to be allowed to trap, even if its pest control or animal control, per the school's rules we must have someone watching the cages 24/7. These cats have made their home under one of the dorms, so even more we cannot just leave out traps for both students and the cats safety. Even more... this is an agriculture-based school. Another part of the reason I'm being vauge. Trust me, we've made them known that we are a free resource for them and only doing good. We have talked to enviornmental professors, agriculture professors, animal reproduction professors, however it is all up to the higher-ups within the school if our club can continue or not. Our whole city/community loves us because the entire town has a feral cat problem. >u/woman_thorned College administrators are all petty morons who care only about appearances. Make the appearance of their actions look worse than what you are asking for, and you will get what you ask for. School paper, town paper, bulletin boards, Twitter, tiktok, instagram. Use the public support if you have it. Truly, you have all the power, no matter what they are acting like the situation is. You can trap train. They can't steal from you. They can't harm animals. And they can't stop you from feeding as long as you tidy up after. Check the laws but I guarantee you have more options than they are telling you. >u/nvmthebutterflies In the nicest way possible, I agree. It sucks as this is an ag-based school and you'd think they'd know better. The issue is, as I stated in my other comment, we have to be very careful before contacting the news, school paper, etc. We have already posted on Instagram and Facebook that we are rehoming all of the feral campus cats due to campus issues and that we do not know what will happen to our kitties if our organization is fully coming to a stop. We are working very hard to keep our club activities in motion. In order to do so, though, we have to be very strategic and act as if we are helping and compromising. This colony, too, is in a bad place. There isn't really anywhere else that these cats can be moved to around where they've made their home, or else we'd just change where we feed them. This colony is the worst due to their trap-savviness. Our only litters so far have come from this colony. So, we understand the issues with this colony. The rest... are no issue to the campus. I still don't think we can trap train unless a student (and its finals weeks) is willing to sit out with the trap 24/7 or be willing to set up a drop trap/live trap every single day to feed then wait until these cats come to eat from the trap. Otherwise, we risk the chance of the campus confiscating our traps or another student messing with/stealing a cat once it is trapped. Unless I am understanding the process of trap training incorrectly? >u/woman_thorned You just have to get someone who wants these cats gone to agree not to throw the trap away. They want the cats gone, right? Then they can do nothing for a few weeks. It's really the only way. >u/nvmthebutterflies Thank you for your advice! I would love to be able to do it. This colony is right in front of a freshman dorm though. They live in a hole that this colony dug up... idk... 10 years ago? That goes under the front of the dorm. So, what would your solution be for students not messing with the traps? Even if we get permission to keep the traps out, I'm afraid students will mess with it... especially if there is a cat in the cage (even if the cage is open). I'm worried about liability, injury to the cats, injury to the students, or the chance that the students will take the cats into their dorms. The only way I can think of this working is if during their feeding times, around 5:50pm and 9pm (several students feed... another issue about being on a college campus) and just sitting out there for a couple hours with the trap open then leaving. Still, that takes time out of my day, or another volunteer. ◊ &#x200B; [***Thread Two***](https://www.reddit.com/r/ColonyCats/comments/12y2uoe/comment/jhm5u8d/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >u/CrepuscularCrone Unfortunately, when there are lots of possums and raccoons around, this is difficult. They learn when and where feeding times are. I've successfully (and unintentionally) caught a few possums this way. But not the one tom I've been trying for! I really sympathize with OP - I live in a college town, too. It takes a combined effort of students and community members to successfully tnr. >*u/\[deleted\]* I’ve caught a opossum this way too but also then the intended cat. >u/nvmthebutterflies I didn’t think about that either! We have two raccoons that visit this colony during the night time. We’ve almost accidentally caught some skunks before! Thank you for your support, as well. We have a meeting tomorrow with the Dean of Student Involvement but if they ask us to stop… then that’s really the end of our group :( I’m trying to stay positive though! >u/idontredditatwork Can you post an update? Hoping you’ll get more support from the higher ups! >u/nvmthebutterflies If y’all are really interested, yes I can post an update after the meeting tomorrow!! It’s at 4pm. I do get emotional after these meetings, as I am the main speaker and I feel a lot of responsibility, so I can’t promise it’ll be right afterwards! I’m trying to stay hopeful though :) ◊ # ⨂ # Update on "Help Trapping Trap-Savvy Cats" + Rant?/Advice? [*June 11, 2023*](https://www.reddit.com/r/ColonyCats/comments/14795vj/update_on_help_trapping_trapsavvy_cats_rantadvice/) Hello! I apologize if this isn't the right way to go about it, but I had a couple of people asking for updates on my original post made here: \[*E/N: Removed redundant link*\] when I was asking about help trapping some trap-savy cats. I also included some of the issues I am currently having, and just wanted to share more info I guess, and rant a little bit lol. So update on the colony... we've only caught 3 more kittens since my original post. No more adults as of now. We talked to our school operations a second time, and it went really bad regarding our TNR club. More 'higher ups' came, the ones who are higher up on the chain, and really complained. Said some stuff that we really did not appreciate. Plus, this person, tried to throw me personally under the bus and get my other TNR group members against me. I guess I will share the whole story... not really afraid of any consequences anymore and just want help I guess. I apologize if this post is not necessarily intended for this sub or if I ramble too much. I am part of a TNR group that was created out of a college campus. We are considered a college club. We do not receive any funding from the school (now we have an official letter that states this as well) and our club has been active since 2012. Our school is in the middle of nowhere and has a feral cat crisis throughout the county. On our college campus, there was originally 200+ cats. As of now, we had 34 documented cats and out of that we have spayed/neutered and vaccinated 16. Out of these cats, 6 of them are roamers... meaning they do not come for daily feedings and are commonly only seen during mating season. Having that we have 11 out of 15 females now spayed... they don't come around often lol. More details is that due to it being college, the officers/leadership team basically changes every four years, so there is different levels of participation when it comes to the TNRs. During COVID, as well, (before I was associated/part of the club) TNRs were not allowed to be performed due to not being allowed to have club meetings nor were the vets doing surgeries for ferals. We saw a population boom due to this and the lack of/only occasional TNRs for about 4ish years. However, I am crazy, lol, and passionate. We have spread our TNR help to be off-campus to gain more positivity for our club within the community, and since Nov 2022, along with being full-time college students we have spayed/neutered/vaccinated 35 cats and adopted out 19 of these cats. This is the most participation that our club has done since its beginning. Which, unfortunately, has made our club a target. Obviously, feral cats are nuisances. They kill wildlife, use the restroom in undesired places, have mating behaviors, and cause damage. Otherwise, we would leave these cats alone. Our club buys, maintains, and sets up Tupperware shelters for our cats. Starting early last year in the beginning of the Fall semester, we noticed some of our shelters going missing- including a "dog house" that was donated. We also had an issue where students/staff were incorrectly feeding the cats- leaving full 40lb bags of food out at a time, which attracted other wildlife and was right next to an educational building, which caused a lot of issues, especially with people thinking it was our club doing this. So, with these two issues, we contacted our campus operations (the people who maintain our campus) to see what was happening. Once again, we are students. We arrived to the meeting figuring that they would ask us to move our shelters elsewhere or something else. No... we went into the meeting and these people said to shut our club down immediately. Another aspect is the campus operations are technically hired by the college, but not part of the college. As in, they have no way to mess with our academics or necessarily give us 'consequences' (that I know of). They demanded we especially stop feeding and providing shelters, as the shelters were "an eyesore for touring students and staff" and that us providing shelters and feeding the cats are causing more cats to come to campus. As if there weren't 200+ cats on campus happily thriving before our club even began... and these people would NOT listen to any education. We would say something and they would be like "yeah that's cool but yall have to stop". They also were fine with us continuing TNRs if there was no R. Also, no scheduled feedings. They said the only time we were allowed to feed is when its inside a trap. They also said we are not allowed to TNR unless we have a home set up for a cat. Yes, a home for a feral cat. Which, even after explaining what a feral cat was, they didn't understand. So, we were obviously mad and upset. However, due to us being students, we have to tread very carefully or we risk our academics being at risk- and a large percentage of our club are people who are here due to scholarships, including me. Our advisor, a professor who sponsors our club and is the only way it stays running, is also trying to retire soon and cannot risk being fired. Due to our club, she already was almost disqualified from the professor of the year + a bonus. (thankfully she won!!!) Another thing that was upsetting... without saying too many extra details... this school provides a pre-vet program and a large portion of the students here are working on animal science/wildlife degrees. When it comes to applying for vet school, our alumni club members have said the vet schools LOVE seeing our club on their applications. As someone trying to be a vet... this is also my future applications/education/career at risk if our club is not active. As I said previously, this school is in the middle of nowhere so it is very hard to find jobs, especially animal jobs that aren't already taken from other pre-vet students. We also asked then what was their plan with the cats was if not TNR or using us. They said "it's not like we're going to stand outside and sh\*\*t them." Which... why would you say that? After talking to our county animal control, animal shelter, and our mole within campus operations, their plan is either animal control + euthanasia or ask volunteers who work with campus operations (who already do labor-intensive work) to trap the cats and relocate them. So, we set up a second meeting with them to see if we could better compromise. To add fuel to the fire all of this was happening about a month and a half before summer, and we get kicked out of the dorms/campus over the summer. Which meant that none of our members would be there in order to secure the safety of our feral cats. This meeting went worse. An even higher-up came and just ripped into us. Some highlights, lets call this guy Bulldog: * Said he adopted a feral cat and kept her in the house and he didn't see her for a year, just the food disappearing. then recently she will finally sit on our lap (great for him... we're college students in dorms that do not have the resources to rehabilitate ferals) * Said he once saw 12 cats in a parking lot, so obviously TNR isn't working. Then, we asked why he didn't contact us so that we could perform a TNR there, and he was silent for that. (Also our largest colony is 6, although we have several colonies on campus they don't sit in groups more than 6) * Threatened to invoice our club for the damages the cats have done. Which he said was $2000, which a D1 school with thousands of students paying tuition to have Overall, things weren't looking great for us. We officially asked our members and others to stop feeding, they took away the last of our shelters, and we released a post asking for barn homes for all of our ferals. We have some cats that are more 'community cats' than feral, and we were really worried these were the first ones to go. Especially our fav campus cat named Chunk Chunk who is \~8 years old and has lived his entire life on campus... after 8-10 failed adoption attempts. Then, we made a meeting with basically Student Organizations, the people who oversee and approve/deny clubs and do everything for student involvement. That meeting went SOOO much better. They were understanding, receptive to our education, and questioned Campus Operations. Especially as we all are working towards animal science degrees, they wondered why they wouldn't listen to the people who are the most educated about the situation in the room. Even one of the ladies there admitted she hated the cats, but loved us because we help with the populations! And... this is the first year she has not seen any cats on the daily since she began working 12 yrs ago. So obviously, our TNR efforts are working. Then, on the last week of school, we had someone anonymous send us an email saying that Campus Operations were trying to catch cats. They had several Tupperware boxes (the same sizeish we use for our shelters) set up & were cut so that they fit a trap in them. The traps were set around "secretive" parts of campus. We, of course, went around and set off all of the traps. It was just so sneaky and horrifying. We also have several neighborhoods near by where people let their unspayed/neutered cats roam (another reason we have a pop. problem) and we take several precautions to make sure we don't catch anyone's pet. And if we do, as worse they get spayed/neutered then returned back. The fact they had these traps set up 24/7 with no one watching them, in tupperwear boxes in the HEAT, I can only imagine it would be a death sentence for any animal trapped in there, freaking out, breathing heavy, and in a hot container. Thankfully I was able to return to campus recently and totally did not (/s) feed all the cats. As of right now everyone is still there!! I am just so stressed over these cats and their futures, and the future of our club. What should we do? We've contacted Alley Cat Allies, but we cannot use their extreme measures just yet (news reports) due to the fear of our academics and our advisor's job. Should we ask our city council to set up a cat colony registration so that we can have more documentation of our efforts and "our" cats? I just don't know what we should do at this point. Even petitioning can be risky, as it would be us against the school. &#x200B; # ⨂⨂⨂ ***A reminder that I am not OOP.*** *Also, I wanted to say: If you have difficulties with the formatting for whatever reason, please let me know! I strive to make these as readable and accessible as possible. I have mild dyslexia myself (and not near as mild ADHD), but I know I must have a lot of blind spots as well. If you can think of anything, don't be afraid to shoot me a message or comment!* *Also, I have left a picture of Chunk Chunk in the comments below. You're welcome, sir'dam.*

OOP'S College Wants to Kill their Feral Cat Program

ONGOING

TheComment

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14znahx/oops_college_wants_to_kill_their_feral_cat_program/

14zoa6r

**I am NOT OP. Original post in AskaManager** trigger warnings: >!workplace conflict!< mood spoilers: >!Embarrassment, Anger, Anxiety, Relief!<   [**My coworker told everyone we’re married … we’re not even dating**](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/10/my-coworker-told-everyone-were-married-were-not-even-dating.html) \- OCTOBER 6, 2020 Last year, I left on a leave of absence for a few months to take care of my elderly parents. Then I returned to work. Apparently during that time, one of my coworkers began telling people we were married … not as in “work wife,” as in legally married, and everyone believed him. Honestly, I had no idea he had any feelings for me and I don’t think he knew I would be coming back. I’m an introvert; I keep my personal life private and don’t talk about myself much, but the fact is, I have a husband (not him) who I’ve been married to for 10 years. Not wanting to cause him embarrassment, I privately went to our boss, explained the situation behind closed doors, and asked for a department transfer. Even though he’s never sexually harassed me or made a move on me, I’m very uncomfortable being around him right now and don’t want any contact with him. My boss agreed, said she would speak to him, and though she didn’t have the authority to move me to another department, she would see to it that we wouldn’t be put on a team together, and kindly offered to adjust the schedule so he wouldn’t be in the office at times when I was there. I’ve tried to handle this whole mess as discreetly as I can, but today I lost it. He walked into the break room while I was in there, and I basically yelled at him in front of everyone there, saying I’m not his wife and to stop telling people we’re married. I know this was not the most mature way to handle the situation, but I was at my wit’s end. What to do? *OOP was asked what the lying coworker did after she yelled at him* ***Her Reply:*** I think he was in shock, because he said nothing but immediately left the room. However, there was definitely a palpable tension between me and my colleagues who had witnessed the whole thing. As I said before, I didn’t want to cause a scene or embarrass him publicly … unfortunately, I was “in the moment” and I let my emotions get the best of me. I fear there can be no good resolution to this situation. Either I’ve just exposed him as a liar to my coworkers, or they think I’m the one lying, since he’d apparently been telling people we were married for quite some time. Since I can’t transfer departments, I’m entertaining the idea of putting in my two weeks, but I’m still emotionally reeling from what happened and I don’t want to do anything impulsive or make the situation worse.   [**Update: My coworker told everyone we’re married (we’re not)**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/updates-my-coworker-told-everyone-were-married-were-not-and-more.html) \- JUNE 16, 2021 I didn’t expect my question would even be published, let alone receive so many supportive comments from the AAM community! I only wish my bosses and coworkers could have been that understanding. About a month after the break room scene, I still felt like I was walking on eggshells to avoid my “husband” and I noticed the attitudes from my manager and coworkers changing for the worse. I ended up leaving for a similar job that pays better, and is just a healthier environment overall. I hate how we call everything and everyone “toxic” nowadays, but that truly was a toxic environment in retrospect, and the lack of support from management and HR was finally the big red flag that sent me packing. Some of the commenters mentioned stalking and safety, because the man seemed a bit obsessed. While I’ve seen the guy a few times around town, there hasn’t been any interaction between us and I don’t think he or any of my former coworkers know where I work now. Nobody’s attempted to contact me, and I can breathe easier. I wish everyone at my old job well; I hope they can learn from this situation, and I thank everyone who commented for their encouragement.     **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My coworker told everyone we’re married … we’re not even dating!

EXTERNAL

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zoa6r/my_coworker_told_everyone_were_married_were_not/

14zvvxf

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Cheetahs are generally anxious animals. In order to combat this, some zoos will give cheetahs emotional support dogs. This has widely been successful, and has led to some adorable photos and stories of cheetah/dog friendship. Content Warning: None Mood Spoiler: >!Mostly Satisfying!< *I am not the Original Poster, that would be* u/Blempglorf *on* r/talesfromtechsupport [**How I got fired and un-fired in the same day (Originally Posted March 28th, 2017)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/61z2ns/how_i_got_fired_and_unfired_in_the_same_day/) So this one goes back to '99 or so. I was working in the corporate headquarters of a very large telco, responsible for the email system for HQ - about 1100 users at the time. Like all the sysadmins at HQ, I was a contractor, working through a bodyshop outsourcer. My boss was a guy I'll call S. S was the site manager for the outsourcer, and was the direct manager of all the contractor sysadmins. The customer contact was a guy I'll call J. J was what they called an IT planner - basically a systems architect. He had dotted-line responsibility over all the sysadmins, including me. I also had a backup there, who I'll call B. B was a competent sysadmin, capable of handling most day to day stuff. We normally kept staff in the office from 8-6 on workdays, with an on-call rotation for certain specialty areas, including email. Back then, we carried a pager (yes, an old school beeper) for oncall duty. My oncall rotation was one week on, one week off. This story happened in my "off" week, when B carried the pager. One saturday night, at around 3:30am, my home phone rang. My wife answered, and it was J calling. She grumpily handed the phone to me. Now my wife and I had just gotten home, having been out for much of the night with our neighbors. I was, for lack of a more refined term, positively hammered at this point. J informed me that there was an email outage, and that I needed to remote in and get it back up immediately, and then drive to the office to start a root cause analysis. I informed him that I was in no condition to drive (let alone touch a production rig) and asked what B told him when he called the on-call pager. J told me that he didn't call the oncall pager because this was way too serious of a problem to trust the backup sysadmin. He wanted me working on this, and that if I can't be relied upon to do my job when I was needed, he'd find someone else who could, and hung up the phone. I went back to sleep. The next morning I had an email from B, telling me that J had called him at home (rather than paging the oncall rotation.) It was a very simple issue - our backup software went screwy and started writing out hundreds of GB of temp files, which filled up a critical volume on our production email server. Temp files deleted, email services restarted, problem kicked over to our backup software SME to figure out what happened. Total downtime after B got the call was about 15 minutes. The next day, I arrived at the office to a note from S, my manager, asking me to come see him ASAP. I went to S' office, and sitting there was J, who was in the process of demanding that I be fired immediately for "being drunk at work." From there, the conversation went something like this: &#x200B; >S: But Blempglorf wasn't at work. He was at home, and wasn't in the on-call rotation this weekend. J: I don't want to hear it about the on-call rotation. Blempglorf needs to be ready to work when I tell him to. I can't rely on an alcoholic, and I want him gone. S: If he's not on call, he's free to do whatever he wants with his time. J: Not as long as he works for me. J then demands that I hand my office badge to him, and calls security from S' phone to have me escorted out of the building. I'm in absolute disbelief at this point. S gets up and goes off to points unknown, just as security arrives to see me out to the parking lot. As I'm driving off, I see J's boss, I'll call her M. M is running across the street to the parking lot. Strange, but I was more focused on how the hell I was going to explain this to my wife when I got home. I got home, and my wife was sitting on the couch, just absolutely livid. Now this was REALLY weird, because I hadn't told her what happened yet. "Those motherfuckers fired you!?!?!" I'm confused as hell at this point. My wife told me that M called her, and that I need to call her back as soon as possible. Come to find out, when S had went off, he was going to M's office to explain the situation and keep him from shitcanning me. M heard from S, and freaked the hell out. When I saw her running across the street, she was trying to catch me in the parking lot before I left to tell me to come back in. When M couldn't find my car, she went back into the office and called the house, intending to leave me a voicemail, but got my wife instead. M told my wife what had happened, promised to rein J in, and asked her to tell me to come back into the office to sort it out. So I let them stew for a while. M called about 20 minutes after I got home. We let her go to the machine. S called as well, just as my wife and I went out to get some lunch. Over lunch, my wife and I talked about how we would handle this, and (largely for financial reasons) we decided to talk to them to see if we could work this out. We got back home to 3 more voicemails from M and S. About 30 seconds after we walked in the door, the phone rang again. This time it was J, obviously on speakerphone. J apologized to me, and asked me to come back to work the next day. I agreed, but as he hung up, I could hear M say to him: >"J, you're a fucking idiot." I worked there for another year after that, before another J fuckup made me leave once and for all. That was a whole 'nother story. Edit: Here's the whole 'nother story! Edit 2: Gold? Wow. Thanks, whoever you are! **Relevant Comment** "Please tell me you got something other than 1 day off paid for this . . ." OOP: I wish I could tell you that. But I can't, because I didn't. I got my job back, that was about it. \- *After several requests, OOP posts the story about him quiting.* [**How I quit after I got fired and unfired**](https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/621lif/how_i_quit_after_i_got_fired_and_unfired/) **(Originally Posted March 28th, 2017)** In my last post, I shared the story of how I got fired in a huff by someone who, to put it diplomatically, over-estimated his own authority - only for my termination to be rescinded by his manager a few hours later when she found out about it. This one is the followup; set a year later, and is the story of how I finally ended up quitting that job. Cast of characters: * Me! I was a lead sysadmin at a very large telco, responsible for the email system at the corporate HQ. I was a contractor there, which will become relevant to the story later. * Jim (J in my last story)- an IT architect at a large telco. Jim was my primary customer contact until he flew off the handle and tried to fire me under circumstances that were dubious at best. Jim was a pretty smart technical guy who was also a bull in a china shop who shouldn't have been allowed to work around other people. * Lynne (not in the previous story) - Lynne is the IT architect who I was assigned to work with after Jim screwed the pooch in my previous story. She was awesome, for reasons that will become clear soon. She reported to Jim, and utterly loathed him. * Marie (M in the previous story)- Jim's boss, the IT department manager. She unfucked everything after Jim fired me. In early 2000, I got a phone call at home from an IT recruiter. This wasn't uncommon at all - I had at one point or another interacted with half the sleazy recruitment agencies in my city. This call was a little bit different. It was from an in house recruiter for a tech company, a company that was one of the shining stars of tech where I lived, with a reputation for not only having solid technology in their market, but also being a great place to work. They were an honest-to-goodness "unicorn" (back before anyone called them that.) The conversation went something like this: Recruiter: Hi Blempglorf, this is Recruiter with CoolTechCompany, how are you today? Me: Doing well, thanks, what can I do for you? Recruiter: Blempglorf, I'm calling because Lynne gave me a copy of your resume, and suggested that I reach out to you about a position we have open. A bog standard HR introductory call followed, where I found out that they were looking for a lead Windows sysadmin for their internal IT department. Now this confused the shit out of me, because Lynne was my lead, albeit through a dotted line. Let that sink in: my boss sent my resume to a recruiter without my knowledge or permission. Obviously, this was something that warranted further investigation. So, I called Lynne. Apparently, she had just interviewed at CoolTechCompany, and didn't get the job. On the "thanks but no thanks" call from HR, she told the recruiter something to the effect of "Well, that's too bad, but I know someone else you need to talk to. Blempglorf is better at this stuff than me, and I think he'd love working at CoolTechCompany." And then she sent over my resume, which she had from when she referred me for an internal hire job in another division of the telco we both worked at. When I asked her why she did that she just said: "You have to trust me on this one. I can't say more." So I had a phone interview with the hiring manager at CoolTechCompany. And he and I meshed well, and he decided to bring me in for the full gauntlet interview with the rest of the sysadmin team there. Around this time, I got a meeting request from Jim, who I hadn't really interacted with a lot since the time he tried (and failed) to shitcan me. At the meeting, Jim informed me that Telco had decided to insource all the contract sysadmins, and bring them on as direct Telco employees. He had an offer letter waiting for me at the meeting. I opened the offer letter, only to discover that it was a 20% pay cut from what I was earning as a contractor, to do the same job. There was a slight bump in terms of benefits value (from what I recall the 401k match was superior) but at first glance, it was obvious that this was a pay hit no matter how you added it up. Jim also informed me that this wasn't optional, that the insourcing was going to happen whether I liked it or not, and that this was a "take it or leave it" offer. Not only would this be a pay cut, but I would also be reporting directly to Jim, as would all the other newly-insourced sysadmins on the team. Either one of those would be dealbreakers, but I kept my mouth shut, knowing his history. I caught up with Lynne a few minutes later. She took one look at my face and knew what had just happened. "This is why I told you to trust me." she said, before I even said a word. I could have kissed her. So, a couple of weeks later I went in for the full interview at CoolTechCompany, which resulted in an offer that would have been a no brainer to accept even if I hadn't just had my pay cut. I received that offer just before the planned effective date of the insourcing (and pay hit.) The next day, I walked in to Lynne's cube and let her know that I'd gotten the job. She got this look of utter delight on her face, and said to me: "You HAVE to let me be there when you tell Jim." So, we walked over to his office together, and told him. He looked absolutely floored, and as usually did when he didn't get his way, immediately went into argument mode. "All the other sysadmins took the job." (True, but two others quit within the first two months because they didn't have the headstart on their job search that I did) "You're making a big mistake" (And why would that be?) "Do you think that little company is going to last?" (They did.) The problem was that because of the planned insourcing, there was no mechanism to continue to pay me past the end of that week, as Telco's contract with the outsourcer was expiring. Enter Marie. Marie was Jim's boss, who I had a great relationship with. Now, I felt genuinely bad about this, because IT operations at corporate HQ was her responsibility, and this left her with not only no email server support, but only a day to figure out how to ensure continuity. (My backup had quit for unrelated reasons a month before.) I was perfectly willing to give 2 weeks notice per custom, mind you - they just didn't have a straightforward way to pay me for it. So, Marie called me into her office, after Jim had left for the day. I told her that I was already in the interview process at the time Jim gave me the offer (This was true, although I left out the whole part about Lynne.), and the fact that it was such a big pay cut made it a no-brainer to continue the process. Marie had an utterly stunned look on her face, and she said to me: "Pay cut? You all were supposed to be kept at parity." What I found out later (through my mole Lynne) was that Jim neglected to relay that instruction to company HR when they were preparing the offer letters. They prepared the offers at what HR deemed to be market rate, which in this case was a substantial pay hit. I never found out if he did that on purpose, but given that he'd complained in the past that he thought we were overpaid for what we did, I'd be willing to hazard a guess that he did. Anyway, even though Marie upped the offer to match my current pay rate (so much for take it or leave it) and promised that I'd be reporting to her given my past history with Jim, I still declined as my new job had a lot more long term opportunity. I ended up taking the job at the telco, just long enough to work out my notice period. HR was VERY confused at my exit interview when they noticed that I'd been with the company for only 9 working days. Incidentally, I ended up staying at CoolTechCompany for over 8 years. It was the best career move I ever made. My only regret about it was that I was never able to get Lynne a job there. On the other hand, Marie stepped in and took away all of Jim's supervisory responsibility over the sysadmins, sticking him in a strict technical role. He lasted a few months after that and bailed out to a much smaller company. *Marked As Concluded As This Story Is Done. Hoping for the best for OOP.*

How I got fired and un-fired in the same day.

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boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zvvxf/how_i_got_fired_and_unfired_in_the_same_day/

1501b01

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/-TerrificTerror- **Am I wrong for expecting people to pay my kid?** **Originally posted to** r/Parenting [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/14se2l3/am_i_wrong_for_expecting_people_to_pay_my_kid/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 6, 2023** My child (9) has recently gotten in to baking. She's really passionate about it and it has sparked most of our familymembers to stimulate said passion by requesting her to bake small items they happen to be craving right as they're coming over/have invited us over. They're always very small things like "ooh i'd sure love some brownies" or simular and since people asking/complimening her genuinely makes her heart smile I only support it and don't mind paying for the ingredients. Now, one of my familymembers is hosting a gathering and asked my daughter to bake 75(!) cupcakes. They said they would take her shopping for ingredients. She asked me if she could and I said sure (I supervise oven-related steps and have to be present). Afterwards I contacted said familymember to get some specifics as to allergies and other nonsense and brought up the fact that she was so excited to have her very first, paying customer. Said familymember was apparantly appaled at the expectation of paying my child for hours of labor and stated that since she is a minor and doesn't have a genuine business yet she shouldn't expect payment because "taxes" I replied that if she feels that strong she should order from a "genuine business" because there is no way in any universe I am going to let someone exploit my child like that. She accused me of "promoting childlabor" and when I retorted that she appeared to be fine with said childlabor until she had to pay for it she hung up on me. Now, some additional info; - I didn't expect a full hourly wage, just something extra to thank her for her hard work. - She has been putting every cent she gets in allowance or earns towards more baking supplies, I expect she would have done the same with this money but that's entirely up to her. - If said familymember decides not to pay I am still going to let her make the big order, pay her in full and take the food down to a local foodbank so she still gets the money and the experience. As fellow-parents, how would you have approached this situation? I feel like I potentially robbed my kid of an experience she would have enjoyed out of personal principle. EDIT: Some more info as it appears to be mentioned a lot. • This is not a close familymember. She is the kind of relative you only see at funerals or weddings. • All the money my children earn goes to them 100%. • Yes, I do pay them for the chores they do. • No, I am not trying to turn my daughters hobby in a business, I am only supporting and teaching her wherever she takes is. • I do not feel any kind of strong emotion towards said relative. I don't dislike her at all. • We aren't American. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **TheCarzilla** >Does your kid enjoy being with this person? Sounds like it could have just been a fun afternoon activity with someone special, while you’re turning this person into a “paying customer.” I’d be insulted if I offered to my niece/granddaughter/who ever that I bring them shopping for ingredients so we could do cupcakes together, and then I somehow turn into a paying customer. As for the exact count of 75, any time I’m cooking with my kids, I do so with the full understanding that I’ll end up doing 92% of the work anyway **OOP replied** >1) She sees this person twice a year and has no relationship with her. 2) She promoted herself to customer as according to my daughter she said "How would you like your very first customer". 3) She would be baking them from home and I would be driving them to the event, the relative would not be involved. Even if she were to be the only thing she needs help with is putting things in or taking out of a hot oven. So she does 99% of the work herself. **COMMENT FROM OOP** >>"Did the child expect payment" >Yes she did. The relative said, according to my daughter; "How would you like your very first customet". >My daughter isn't an idiot. Customers pay for services/goods and when she asked me if she was allowed to do it she rven offered to share the profits with me for "supervising" her, which I obviously declined. >>"Sounds like you may have made a fun, pleasant experience a stressful one." >As of now she is still unaware of this, I am going to resolve this. Either she bakes for the relative and gets paid by her or she bakes for the foodbank and gets paid by me. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/14u3igf/am_i_wrong_for_expecting_people_to_pay_my_kid/) **July 8, 2023** First of all, thank you for all the advice. Some things were really helpful and I have put a lot of it in use. To those accusing me of trying to profit off of my child, monetizing something that should be fun or being a shitty parent in general; go headbutt a moose. I have sat my daughter down and explained to her that the relative did not intend on paying her, that she was welcome to do the work for free if she so desired but that she also was allowed to decline her request. We proceeded to have an entire discussion about the differences about doing someone a favor (like a pan of brownies) and "labor" (like catering an event.) I emphasised it was her decision and she would have my help & support whichever way she went. She ended up asking that if it were possible for her to attend the event in stead of recieving payment so she could see the people eat her cupcakes (and brag about making them), which the relative declined because it was a childfree event and she could not make exceptions. We both found this fair enough and she requested a set of baking pans in sizes she doesn't have yet as payment, which the relative also declined because "why should she give her gifts while it was the relatives time to be celebrated." She went on to say that my child was ruining the party by refusing to do dessert because "she counted on it". My daughter was starting to feel guilty and I stepped in, gave her a list of local bakeries and at home bakers she could contact and wished her a fantastic day. Reassured my kid and we went on to go shopping for the baking tins ourselves. About 2 hours later the relative, undoubtedly having contacted bakers/bakeries called and offered my daughter a giftcard for a local shop that sells all kinds of cooking and baking supplies, she happily accepted and we thought that was that. The relative really stepped up her game in making up for the nonsense as she arranged for my kid (and myself to supervise) to be allowed in the venues kitchen and make the cupcakes there, as the venue owners (who also cater the venue) feel like young passion should be encouraged. I have ordered her her very first tiny apron and she is beyond excited to experience a commercial kitchen, and watching her heart smile makes my mom-heart happy. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Am I wrong for expecting people to pay my kid?

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1501b01/am_i_wrong_for_expecting_people_to_pay_my_kid/

1507esq

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/LiThrowaway0 **in** r/legaladvice mood spoilers: >!frustration, happy!<   [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3kty71/i_had_gone_for_1_week_vacation_and_gave_my_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sun, Sep 13, 2015 \[Santa Monica, CA\] I'm owner of two story house. I had gone to Hawaii last week for 1 week vacation with my wife. No one was at home and it wasn't feasible for us to take dogs with us. So, I gave my house keys to a good friend of mine and asked him to take care of my 2 dogs. This would involve feeding them, changing waters and taking them to 1 hour walk daily. So, his girlfriend was in town and she had no place to stay. ( He lives in 1 bedroom condo with 2 other roommates.) So, he messaged me and asked me if i would allow his gf to stay at my home for just 1 night. I agreed as it was just matter of 1 night. Now, yesterday I came back and found out his gf has made dwelling in upper floor of my house. She has been staying here for 4 days. I asked her to leave immediately, but she and my friend are insisting to let her stay 1 more week because she in in search of a job in LA, CA. I called police. They came and said this would be a civil matter and I have to go through eviction process. So, I'm here with an unwanted stranger in upper floor, an asshole friend who broke promise and pissed off wife. What to do guys ? Can I change locks and throw here stuff out when she's away? Cut the electricity to upper floor?   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3kxh4m/update_i_had_gone_for_1_week_vacation_and_gave_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Sep 14, 2015 \[Santa Monica, CA\] Good Morning, guys. This is an uplifting update. First of all, I'd like to thank all of you guys for such an overwhelming response.I'm glad that there are people who would spend time from their busy life to help a random stranger on Internet. :) So, After reading all of advises here and carefully discussing this matter with my cousin, we made a nasty plan. Yesterday night that squatter girl went outside to grab some dinner with her bf. Me and my cousin carefully packed all of her stuffs in her three bag left in in our front porch and locked ourselves in house. We also looked over her stuffs from window to make sure no one steals it. Our wait was over after 2 hours when girl returned. She figured it out and started pounding at our door, yelling loudly to open door, you know typical squatter drama. We told her to go fuck off and we won't open the door. So, finally after 30 minutes of constant drama, she dared to call cops. I was nervous how it would turn out. Cops arrived. Fortunately these were different ones than previous night. First they listened to her side. Then they came to me. I explicitly told them that I was sole owner of house and never allowed girl to stay more than 1 night. She was not only trespassing but also living in my house illegally without my permission. Bitch kept saying I had given permission to stay there indefinitely and now kicking her out. Officer said she has any proof of that? She claimed she had some message which accidentally got deleted. Now the best part, Officer then asked her for an ID. She gave ID. Officer verified it over Radio. Suddenly, they told him this bitch had a failure to appear warrant for months old shoplifting case. Stupid lady was arrested immediately. His stuffs were send to friend's house. Officer said that I don't need to worry and they'll take care of her. I do not require any further action. So, Finally I'm relived from that squatter and bitch is behind bars. What a justice boner! All's well that ends well. :) TL, DR: Previously there was bad cop, then comes good cop and justice is served. :)   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My friend brought in an unwanted houseguest while I was on vacation, now she doesn't want to leave

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1507esq/my_friend_brought_in_an_unwanted_houseguest_while/

150czkg

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/throwRAanaria on r/AITAH * * * * * Trigger Warning: >!Sexual Assault!< [AITAH for not wanting to live with BIL anymore?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14q6md8/aitah_for_not_wanting_to_live_with_bil_anymore/) July 3, 2023 My husband (32M) and I have been married for two years. His Dad and Stepmom are going through an ugly divorce, so his half brother (17M) has moved in with us to live for a year till he starts college. My husband loves his brother, treats him like a little kid and is over protective of him. I find BIL's behavior obnoxious and we are having too many arguments over this. He's been with us for only a month and a half and I can't stand it and I really don't think I can put up with it for a year. It started off with him making messes and throwing away leftovers. Since I do most of the cooking and cleaning, it was increasing my workload. My husband's list of chores have not increased by his presence so he was dismissive of my complaints. Since husband wasn't saying anything I tried telling him to pick up after himself. BIL retaliated by spanking my butt. Anytime I tell him to do something he hits my butt hard and laughs. Husband told him to knock it off but he keeps doing it and husband treats it as if he's just playing around, no big deal. Not only is it very disrespectful, but its really painful. After that he started randomly picking me up and carrying me around. I am a little over 5 ft and 120 lbs and he's a tall stocky guy. I hate it and husband just thinks he's goofing around and trying to be friends with me. I work from home and the other day when it was just him and me in the house, he picked me up and ran with me to my bedroom and threw me on the bed. It really scared me, but he just laughed at me and left. Husband thinks I am being dramatic by being scared by this. I feel like his behavior is escalating, but my husband tells me to act like the adult and not blow up over a kid's playfulness. I am anxious everyday and I am seriously thinking of moving out though it'll be difficult to afford it. AITAH for telling my husband that I don't feel safe in our home? ETA: Thank you so much for your comments and validating me. My husband had me confused and believing that I was over reacting. I am so relieved to hear from so many people that this is as dangerous and bad as I feel. I have packed a bag in my car and some important belongings and documents. I am 29F for those who asked, I forgot to put that in my post. I called and talked to MIL early in the morning. She's always been very nice to me and at my wedding she told me she thinks of me as her daughter. My mom passed away when I was young and I don’t have any siblings so that had moved me very much. I was nervous about talking to her because I didn’t want to ruin that relationship, but she was so shocked when she heard the details. She said she’d talk to my husband and FIL and this was unacceptable situation and told me to come stay with her till it got resolved. BIL is out with his friends till tomorrow for 4th of July, so it gives me some time to have one more detailed discussion with my husband. I am also going to show him this reddit post and hopefully his Mom's talk and these comments will be a wakeup call. Comment: >If we rephrase what is happening to "a man living with you and your husband started sexually touching you and has escalated to physically forcing you onto a bed while your husband belittles your feelings of being scared in your own home" a proper response is leave and inform the police. [Update: AITAH for not wanting to live with BIL anymore?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14tgkxz/update_aitah_for_not_wanting_to_live_with_bil/) July 8, 2023 I am very appreciative of everyone who commented on my last post and gave me encouragement. I won’t be able to respond to all, but I appreciate it. I wasn’t able to resolve this issue with my husband and I have moved out. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that this is the end of my marriage. My MIL was on my side and talked to my husband about this situation, but he got more annoyed with me because he saw this as me creating more drama between MIL and FIL and causing old grievances to rise. I showed him the reddit post I made and the comments and he accused me of presenting things in a lurid manner to get people on my side. He didn’t even read all the discussions, just got enraged and closed the tab. MIL also talked to FIL who came down on BIL about his behavior. FIL told BIL to leave our house and move in with him. BIL refused saying he wants to stay with my husband. My husband came up with the solution that BIL was to stay in his room and I should stay in my bedroom, lock the door and not get out till he got home from work. This pissed me off more. I had packed a bag and my documents thinking of leaving anyway. FIL talked to me and said that he doesn’t like that we aren’t getting along (!) and BIL will no longer stay with us. But the next day BIL came into the house with a group of his friends. I simply grabbed my laptop and left. I am so grateful to the people who had suggested that I be packed and ready to go. I already had everything in my car and could leave with what I needed immediately. I am staying with MIL now. She is flabbergasted by my husband who’s told her that he’ll never ask a close family member to leave his house. It is clear that my husband doesn’t even like me, much less care about me at all. He hasn’t spoken to me since I left. I am trying to figure out what I should do next. I obviously can’t stay with MIL for long, especially since I need to start the divorce process. I could move back in with my Dad, but he lives in another state and that’ll make things hard. I don’t have any savings and I am short on money. The majority of my paycheck goes into half of the mortgage and utilities on our house. We have a combined joint account. I have been foolishly spending a lot on decorating the house instead of saving up and I suppose all that is gone now. I need to figure out my money situation so I can support myself. More context: >Thanks for the update! I'm glad you didn't let this situation go on any longer, and that you had the courage to get out of the marriage when you realized you had a husband problem. You're young and you have a new and better beginning ahead of you! I like your parents-in-law - how did they raise such crappy sons? OOP: >>MIL has been amazing, but she didn't raise BIL. That's FIL's son from his 2nd marriage. And FIL, well I think it's good that he told BIL to leave but he was dismissive of the issue itself, acting like it was a bit of a spat between us. Some advice: >Thank you for this update. I am very pleased to hear that you are out and safe. >I'm dreadfully sorry that your husband has proved himself to be so uncaring and, well, just a complete jerk. >My advice, now, is to continue to have heart to hearts with your MIL. She has some good life experience and may be able to help you in ways you don't realize. You might also offer to pay her some rent or for expenses (food, etc). >The most important thing is to start the divorce process IMMEDIATELY and force the sale of the house (or force your STBX to refinance and buy you out of the mortgage). You don't have children, and the house seems to be your main large debt, so getting rid of it is essential. Also, stop paying any utility bills that aren't in your name immediately. Send your STBX a list so he knows to pay directly. Any utilities in your name should be put in his name immediately, so when you find a place of your own, you can get new accounts for your new place. If STBX gives you any guff about it, simply tell him they need to be switched or you will turn them off, and he can start from scratch. His choice. But, the point is that if you aren't living there, you shouldn't be paying for utilities.You need to start saving immediately. ALSO (and this one is super important), change every single password for every account before you do anything else. Every single one. >You're going to be OK, OP. Just don't get stuck or stalled waiting for your STBX to stop pouting and get real. Start the process immediately and keep moving forward. Let your lawyer deal with the STBX. >Best of luck to you! OOP: >>Yes, thank you, I need a checklist of things to do. I have been sitting in a depressed funk for the past few days feeling lost. But I can do all this for now. >>>Just adding on: I'd probably freeze my credit report until your finances are successfully separated, just in case. >>>You should also consider filing a police report against stbx BIL. He assaulted you multiple times. Even if it never goes anywhere (sadly likely) at least you'll have a record of it. Marked as ongoing because although OOP left, this doesn't seem like it's over. Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not go to the original post and comment on it.

AITAH for not wanting to live with BIL anymore?

ONGOING

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150czkg/aitah_for_not_wanting_to_live_with_bil_anymore/

150d39l

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/sadmomthrowaway22 **My [40f] daughter [21f] has cut me out of her life when she found out I had an abortion** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Talk of miscarriage!< **MOOD SPOILER** >! Sad but hopeful for OOP!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/109a7zr/my_40f_daughter_21f_has_cut_me_out_of_her_life/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Jan 11, 2023** The day after I graduated high school, my childhood sweetheart and I were married and a year later my beautiful daughter Moira was born. When Moira was 6, I got pregnant again but it was an ectopic pregnancy that eventually needed surgery, which included removing the fetus and part of the fallopian tube the fetus was growing in. Moira didn't know I was pregnant at the time, only that Mommy had been sick and needed to be in the hospital for a little while. 3 years later my husband left me and it was just Moira and me. We were always very close, so much so that Moira sometimes called me Lorelai because we were just like the Gilmore Girls, just not as much witty banter. This was until she went to a state college about 3 hours away. We would still talk on the phone everyday and she would come home for the weekend a few times a month, but I understood that she needed her space as she developed as a functional adult so I tried to give her as much space as she needed. Some time early in her sophomore year she joined an evangelical Christian campus group and started dating Dirk, the president of the group (I'm not 100% sure which came first). This put a chill on our relationship as I go to church on Sundays at a community church that is rather liberal in its theology and generally have a "live and let live" attitude towards others. Too many of our calls or visits began to devolve into Moira preaching at me how I was living a sinful life and how I needed to find a man and remarry because being single was bad and other stuff that I tried to work around to maintain the relationship as best that I could. That spring semester, Covid shut down her school but instead of coming home, Moira moved in with a neighbor of Dirk's family, which was about 700 miles away. Our conversations went from daily to maybe twice a week and were shorter as well, as if Moira was impatient to get the calls over with. Our text messages were also almost exclusively one way, me sending her all the weird stuff I always did and her mostly just replying with one word or something like that. That summer, Moira told me she was dropping out of school and she and Dirk were engaged and they'd be building a life in Dirk's hometown. This was pretty rough news for me but I do feel like while I tried to push back gently, I was as supportive as I could be. The wedding was in October of that year and it was a lovely event, although I felt like most of Dirk's family and the folks from his church treated me like I was a space alien. That was also the first time I had ever seen Dirk in person and spoken more than 5 words from him, and the majority of our conversation as the wedding was winding down was him encouraging me to switch to a "better" church for Moira's sake. After a few months, calls started to come more frequently from Moira. She was clearly struggling with adjusting to being married and not really knowing too many folks, although she always insisted that Dirk's parents and siblings and the church folks were super nice. But she wasn't working and she wasn't in school and I think she was going a little crazy with boredom. I was sad about this but also selfishly happy to hear from her so much and our conversations skirted theology and I didn't offer her unwanted advice, but we kept the conversations mostly light. Moira was looking forward to having children (Dirk wanted a big family) probably in part to give her more to do, but it seems that they were having difficulty concieving. Moira told me that Dirk blamed Moira and refused to go to a doctor to check on his swimmers. It seems like his answer was to just have sex as often as possible, whether Moira was in the mood or not. Again, I tiptoed around the subject, and just tried to be supportive and only offered advice in areas that Moira specifically asked me for. I knew telling her what I really felt was only going to get her mad and it would be unhelpful. About six months ago Moira stopped complaining about how brutal it was to try and get pregnant and even though she didn't say anything, I knew that meant that she was. I kept it to myself, just happy that she was so happy. But she called me crying right before Thanksgiving that she had miscarried. I asked her if she wanted me to come to her and for the first time since she got married, she said yes. I was in my car less than an hour later and got there in the morning. Dirk was at work even though Moira was an absolute mess and I did my best to comfort her. At some point, I told her about my ectopic pregnancy to let her know how awful I knew she felt. We did a lot of hugging and crying together that day. When Dirk came home, he mostly ignored us and seemed more annoyed about the whole thing than supportive. The next morning, after Dirk went to work, Moira asked me about my ectopic pregnancy, specially what had happened to "the baby". I explained that they needed to abort the baby because it was growing and it could have become life threatening to me. Moira got extremely angry at me, telling me that her pastor had once mentioned that most fallopian ectopic fetuses will actually migrate to the uterus on their own and that I was a "selfish bitch" for not putting my faith in God before a soulless doctor. I was stunned and I regrettably lashed out at her, telling her that her pastor was full of shit and that as much as I wish I hadn't had to have an abortion it was the only reasonable choice and any real Christian would understand that. Moira told me to leave the house right away. I tried to apologize but she told me her miscarriage and trouble having children was definitely punishment for me killing my baby. I fled the house in tears. Since then, Moira doesn't answer my phone calls, texts, emails, anything. I found Dirk's work number but he told me to never call again and hung up on me. I was so depressed but I am in therapy and on medication and found a Facebook group for parents who have lost contact with children for religious reasons, so that has been a little helpful. But it's the fucking worst thing I’ve ever dealt with. Some days I still feel like I don't have a will to live but just thinking about my daughter gives me strength to go on, hoping that she'll let me back into her life. Whether it's because she comes to understand better what happened or because she needs me, I don't really care. I just miss her so much. ​ EDIT: Thank you so much to all the folks who are kindly responding. Just to be clear, I did stop reaching out after Dirk hung up on me, aside from sending an "I love you" text every few days. Probably Moira blocked me, but if she hasn't or if she ever decides to unblock me, hopefully she'll just know that no matter what decisions she has made, I'll always love her. [Update 7 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14reznz/update_my_40f_daughter_21f_has_cut_me_out_of_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 5, 2023** I first wanted to thank all the super supportive comments and private messages, I really appreciate the goodness in folks. Also thank you to the person who sent me multiple PMs asking for pictures of my feet, I always am impressed how someone can look past content and feel the urge to jerk off to some rando’s feet. So tl;dr of my previous post, my daughter Moira married an evangelical young man named Dirk, moved into his community and things were rough between us, culminating with her blaming her miscarriage on the “abortion” I had, really an ectopic pregnancy that had to be ended. I have done my best to stay away from her, even though I love and miss her very much. I don’t really have any other family besides her and I wasn’t always good about keeping friends. But I’ve been in therapy and trying to put myself more out there. Ironically at my church, which is a wonderful open community. Although just thinking about Moira would make me tear up, I was doing my best to lead my life without her. Six weeks ago I had just gotten home from a lunch date with a guy that I’ve been seeing when my front door buzzed. I thought maybe it was my gentleman caller—I’m not at the booty call stage, but perhaps he just missed my smiling face—and buzzed them up without asking and opened the door and was shocked to see Dirk come out of the elevator. I let him in and did my best not to yell at this young man who took part in brainwashing my daughter and he stammered out that he was sorry for everything that had happened. He then laid out the entire story. He had gone to the large public university where he ultimately met Moira because it was far away from his parents as he had a lot of doubts about what he had been religiously indoctrinated with his whole life. His parents had only agreed to let him go to the school on the condition that he stayed active in a specific student group, the facility advisor who was known to the local church as being an upstanding evangelical. Dirk had agreed and would go to events but also tried to use his time on campus to explore and better understand why he felt what he had been taught was wrong, going to other Christian groups’ events and even a *gasp* mixer for all religions. He ended up being president of the student group because the advisor recommended it and Dirk doesn’t know how to say no. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to me, Moira was roofied a few weeks into her sophomore year. Luckily for her, Dirk was at the party, identified what was happening, and got her out of the party before anything worse could happen and stayed with her until she was physically recovered. Moira was understandably traumatized but for her own reasons didn’t feel comfortable sharing it with me (which breaks my heart TBH) or going to the school’s counselors for help. But she did latch on to Dirk and he admitted he didn’t mind having this pretty girl around a lot. Since part of his routine was his evangelical stuff, Moira started going to those meetings and events and the local church and possibly because of her trauma, really embraced it all. This wasn’t great for Dirk since he was trying to pull away but now this girl who he liked and who he also felt like he needed to protect was getting into the evangelical stuff, he wondered if it was a sign from God that he needed to ignore his misgivings. In the spring semester, when Covid shut down the school, Dirk asked Moira if it be possible that he could come home with her, but she said that the opposite would be better so they went back to his hometown, where the church refused to close. So now Moira was really only going to three places, the house that she was staying at, that was full of very nice but very evangelical folks, Dirk’s parents house, who were also very nice but very evangelical and the church, where I’m not going to pass judgement on if the pastor was nice or not, but who was preaching a very strong brew that Moira readily drank. When Dirk was told by his parents and the pastor that he should marry Moira, he proposed, Moira said yes and he took a job in a call center run by one of the parishioners in the church. When I pointed out that the only time we talked at the wedding, Dirk tried to get me to join his church but he has a different recollection on that conversation. Dirk says I was being cornered by his “creepy” uncle and that he came over to get me away from Handsy Harold (not his real name) and literally couldn’t think of anything to talk about but that I had brought up how Moira had gotten more religious and Dirk claims that he was saying that his church does that to people, but not necessarily in a good way. Anyway, marriage wasn’t all that Dirk or Moira thought it would be. Moira was feeling isolated and Dirk kept suggesting talking to me more, which eventually she did. She also started to spend more time with the pastor’s wife and would come home and point out that the pastor and his wife have eleven kids and that they should have a big family too. Dirk actually pushed back on this and said that he would avoid “his marriage responsibilities” from time to time specifically because he didn’t want to impregnant Moira. (sometime in the last month, Moira told me that Dirk recently admitted to her that he thought about getting a vasectomy but thought doing so in secret was betraying Moira, so he just worked on his pull out game, which caused further strife between them at the time). When Moira told Dirk she was pregnant, he got very depressed but tried to support his wife as best he could and was at least happy that she was happy about it. When Moira miscarried, she told him God was punishing them for him spilling his seed and told Dirk to spend the night somewhere else. He spent the night at a friend’s and texted Moira the next day but she only told him that I had come in. He decided to come home after work and said I was shooting mean looks at him right away (which is 100% accurate, because all of this was very different from what I had been lead to believe by Moira and by what I misconstrued about everything) and so he stayed away from us and the next morning left as quickly as he could. However a few hours later Moira called crying and asked him to come home, which he did. She didn’t go into detail about why I had left but she told him she knew God would want her to forgive him, if he’d get her pregnant. When I called him at work, even though he did want to talk to me, he panicked and did the opposite and basically hung up on me. He said he wanted to reach out to me after that but didn’t know my number but also felt he was doing wrong by Moira. When he asked for advice, he was basically told I was a godless heathen so best I wasn’t involved in their lives. Things got better between Dirk & Moira as both of them started to put in the work that a marriage needs to succeed and start listening to each other. About two weeks before Dirk showed up at my door their town was engulfed in scandal. It was never explained to me exactly what happened, but I guess the pastor was involved in some shady financial business and it was something that Moira had put money into and the whole scandal made Moira reconsider her religious fervor. Dirk seized on this and begged Moira to leave town with him but Moira was feeling very embarrassed/stubborn/ashamed and didn’t want to reach out to me. Dirk convinced her that they should pack up as much as possible and just come to me, as he was sure that I would take them in and help them. So this conversation was quite lengthy and when he gets to the part that Moira is with him, I jumped up and started yelling about where she was. He told me she was at a coffee shop down the street, so I basically ran there and the two of us ugly cried as we reunited. We went back to my apartment and the three of us continued our conversation. There were a lot more tears and hugs and apologies all around and I told them that I would help them as best as I could. I’m not exactly swimming in money, but I bought a queen sized bed to put in Moira’s old bedroom and my not-quite-boyfriend helped Dirk get an office job. Moira got a retail job and is talking about re-enrolling in college in the fall, which I think is great. They are still living with me but on Monday we looked at an apartment just down the street from me as both are adamant about being close and they will hopefully be signing a lease there very soon. I am doing my best to see Moira who she is now, an adult woman who is flawed just like all of us, not the teenaged girl who was my best friend. And Dirk is a sweet kid who’s trying to find his place in the world and needs to be a better advocate for himself. The past few weeks he has come with me to my church and we’ll see if that’s more his speed. I think he desperately wants to find some sort of connection to God and I recommended he tries to connect with my pastor who is a lot more open-minded and articulate about this stuff than his old pastor was. Moira is also feeling things out. She’s going to therapy on her own and the two of them are also planning on going to couples therapy to really firm up that all important base to their marriage. So I’m very happy to share this update and thank you all again for your support and kindness. Tl;dr Dirk wasn’t the controlling evangelical jerkhead I thought he was, Moira made mistakes in part because of a traumatic event and I am happy they are both in my life and maybe I’ll take up a relaxing hobby like bird watching or welding. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My [40f] daughter [21f] has cut me out of her life when she found out I had an abortion

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150d39l/my_40f_daughter_21f_has_cut_me_out_of_her_life/

150f16c

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Fit_Duty_3137 in r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warnings: >!threats of violence!< mood spoilers: >!things escalate to slit throats and threats of gun violence!<   [A woman from high school and college expressed interest in me romantically today and I felt a strange new type of anger](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14sswex/a_woman_from_high_school_and_college_expressed/) \- 6th July 2023 I'm 32 and we met in high school. We were both pretty academically inclined and we ended up taking many of the same classes. AP Literature, AP Physics, AP Calc AB, AP Chem etc... - so we ended up taking many of the same courses together which led us to be friends. After a while I had a pretty serious romantic interest to her but she was fairly clear she wasn't interested when I discussed it with her. I completely respected her boundaries and we remained friends until we gradually lost contact in college. Her taste in partners was always never particularly good in a traditional sense. One of her boyfriends in high school had absent parents and would chronically throw parties and sell drugs there. Another guy just basically skipped classes routinely and would bully other kids. She ended up getting into the University Of Maryland and on track to attend medical school after. I ended up majoring in Physics and ultimately getting a masters in Data Science and now working as a software engineer. I later learned that she ended up pregnant to a college athlete and dropped out of college entirely. From what I gathered, he ended up failing to make a career out of his collegiate experience and ended up as a high school coach. They got married and had another kid, and ended up divorced a couple years later. She then had another kid after her marriage to a boyfriend and now works as a nurse's assistant. We recently reconnected at a party with mutual high school friends and decided to stay in contact as friends. I thought that's all she wanted out of this, but after texting tonight she informed me that she had always been interested in me and wants to date. Given how she dismissed me earlier, I found this hard to believe. It's easy to notice that she's now a single mom of three with a low paying job. She also knows I'm doing well and knows what I do for a living - she saw my house by the water with a boat. It feels like she wants me only because she has crippling responsibilities now and thinks so little of me that she doesn't think I deserve to be with someone who genuinely loves me and not for my things.   **Comments - most people tell him to politely decline and move on, as we will see below he mostly ignores the advice.** &#x200B; *I understand your feeling. She rebuffed you, you accepted, now the rest can be viewed 2 ways: she’s back now that she has baggage or her life experiences have matured her and she has an interest.* *Either way; you don’t have to find out which it is because it seems you are now both incompatible. That’s perfectly fine. She wanted different things, and that’s fine. You now want differently from her current life, and that’s also fine.* *I don’t think there is a need for anger. You weren’t each others person. That sucks. But you seem to have a built a good life for yourself so just focus there.* *No was valid from her, and it’s also valid from you. Incompatibility can be hard. But there is danger in the anger framing this has. I would look into the insecurity or hurt this tapped into, because her interest after all of this time shouldn’t really mean anything at this point.* &#x200B; **OOP replies to some comments - he is mainly upset she lied and probably wants him for the lifestyle.** *I'm not upset that she matured. What I found upsetting is that she lied and tried to sell me on the idea that she was always interested. I don't want someone who just casually settles for me out of obligation, I want someone who enthusiastically wants me and wouldn't want anything else.* *As a friend I expected that's what she would want for me, it just angers me that it isn't* &#x200B; *I genuinely don't have an understanding where your aggression is coming from, but from speaking to her, I don't get even a base level a sense of enthusiasm. From absolutely everything I know about her dating history, i'm not the kind of man she's attracted to, to put it even generously. Again. I'm really absolutely not interested in being a boring choice that someone settles into.* *I want to be someone's exciting vivacious pick when there is absolutely nothing encumbering them.* &#x200B; [\[Update\] A woman from high school and college expressed interest in me romantically today and I felt a strange new type of anger](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14u8fau/update_a_woman_from_high_school_and_college/) \- 8th July 2023 &#x200B; It's been a strange 24 hours and i'm not quite sure what to do. About half an hour after posting here a couple days ago, I let her know that i'm presently not in the market for a relationship and that we are better suited as friends. She seemed to receive the news well and I felt the dynamic between us wouldn't change. We already had standing Friday night plans to try out a new Korean BBQ spot about ten minutes driving distance away from my home and I confirmed she was still interested. She explained she doesn't get too many opportunities to just go out and have fun these days and she was looking forward to it - plus her mom had already shifted her schedule so she could babysit. The dinner went well and we got to catch up on interests, hobbies, and even talked politics to an extent. We both even like Black Mirror and neither of us had caught up with the new season. After a few bottles of soju it was getting late but neither of us had responsibly drank. To avoid an expensive 50 minute uber back to her place, she asked if she could come sober up at my place since it's much closer. We split the bill then ubered back to my place and we started watching the new Black Mirror season. Neither of us was really in a state to pay attention to the show and we ended up cuddling and later on sleeping together. When we woke up this morning and got dressed, I called us both an uber back to the restaurant so we could both pick up our cars. When she messaged me after getting home, she mentioned how next time we need to plan our dates better. At first I thought she was joking so I replied with a laugh emoji, but then she started trying to schedule a future date. I then clarified that I was not in the market to date and what happened last night was just sex. She didn't take the news well... at all. She hasn't stopped blowing up my phone accusing me of using her or misleading her. She's now escalated to insults and veiled threats - i'm not even responding at this point. I feel like I was really clear that I wasn't interested in dating and told her that upfront. It's been 2 hours of almost constant texts   **Typical comments - most people lose any sympathy for him and chatise him for leading her on.** *Buddy, you sent her mixed messages. Of course she's going to be upset you led her on. That's 100% your fault. I can't say I feel sorry for you here.* *Why did you sleep with her?? You told her you weren’t interested, you aren’t interested, why sleep with her? Honestly you’re just a hypocrite, you said you don’t want to date her cos you think she’s just using you for money and knows you had a crush on her but now you know she wants you, even tho you don’t want her, you decide to use her for sex??? Nahh, I was on your side until this. Wtf* **OOP replies to some comments** &#x200B; >*You did send her a double message by sleeping with her. Hope you did not get her pregnant. Sounds like she has a track record of that.* &#x200B; *Fortunately I had the presence of mind to use a condom. She wasn't keen on the idea but I insisted.* &#x200B; >At any point last night, did she call or text her Mom telling her she was going to be home late or would be spending the night at your house? If not, she had this planned out all along. At the same time, you knew what this could turn into. You were flirting with an edge here. Not interested means not interested because at any point you could have just gotten up and driven her back to her car. Instead, you had sex. &#x200B; *It's hard to tell. She didn't call anyone but I was also drunk and both of us were sometimes on our phones at different times. Not to mention there are times I went to the bathroom. She could have texted her plans changing but I don't know* &#x200B; There was a further update in r/Askalawer Date 8th July. [I've been receiving increasingly threatening messages from a woman I slept with last night.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskALawyer/comments/14uc72v/ive_been_receiving_increasingly_threatening/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) I'm in FL are my options to achieve the following: 1. Get her to stop contacting me. I blocked her number but she found a way to spoof so she can harass me from a new number 2. She knows where I live. I have a 40 cal handgun, if she shows up at my home, what are the guidelines for keeping myself safe? &#x200B; OOP comments : *The last thing I want to do is use a weapon on anyone, but she's sending deranged messages. One referenced a "colombian neck tie" and bringing her shotgun to my home. If someone who knows were you live was threatening to kill you, wouldn't you use the tools available to keep yourself safe?* *I've already filed a police report but who knows what will be done* &#x200B; Flaired as Concluded as it seems this relationship is not going anywhere. \*\*Edited to include some of the text from AskALawyer, thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 \*\* Second edit to the AskALawyer post to show more clearly, she threatened him with shotgun/slit throat. \*\* Third Edit - AskALawyer is now accessible again. &#x200B; &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP is angry at an woman he fancied from High School saying she now wants a date, things escalate.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150f16c/oop_is_angry_at_an_woman_he_fancied_from_high/

150h8bk

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/iwantnone **in** r/TwoHotTakes *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!verbal abuse!< mood spoilers: >!confusion, disbelief!<   [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/147bder/i_spent_the_day_with_my_sisters_best_friend_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, Jun 12, 2023 So this all started yesterday when I (22f) had a date planned with a guy. He ended up not showing and so naturally, I texted the group chat about it (my sister is in this particular group chat). I'm guessing my sister, Sarah (26f) told her best friend, Jay (27m) about it because a few minutes later Jay texted me to ask if I'm okay. I told him yes, just a little disappointed since I was pretty excited to try that particular restaurant. He said that he would pick me up at noon the next day so we could go eat there. I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted so I agreed, thinking nothing of it. Well, today he took me out as promised and while we were eating, Sarah facetimed Jay. When he didn't answer she called again, and again. He answered the fourth call and asked her what was going on. She said that she was just checking up on us and told me to call her later. Later ended up being almost 8:00. Jay and I ended up spending the rest of the day together, hunting down some collectible dolls we both like and trying different dessert spots along the way. On the way back to my apartment, Jay asked me to change the music on his phone. When I opened it, I saw that my sister had called him about 30 times throughout the day and texted him across multiple different apps. Jay put his phone on do not disturb after lunch so it made sense why he didn't see those notifications. Once he dropped me off, I called my sister and asked her if everything was alright. She said yes and asked if I had forgotten to call her back sooner. I told her that I was out with Jay so I didn't get the chance, and figured it could wait since she didn't call me. She hung up and a few minutes later I got a call from my mom. She sounded angry and told me that I should be ashamed of myself. I said sure, but why today? According to my mom, Sarah called her in tears, saying that she had caught Jay and I having sex in their apartment. I was so fucking confused. I told my mom that I did not, in fact, have sex with Jay and that I didn't even know they lived together. I asked her to give me a minute and I called Jay but he didn't answer so now I am here laying on my floor wondering what the hell is going on and putting off another conversation with my mom.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/148x7mq/update_i_spent_the_day_with_my_sisters_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Wed, Jun 14, 2023 So I'm not religious or anything like that but Jesus Christ. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support, I don't know what to do with myself. Also, I meant to post an update yesterday but my friend asked me to go watch the Miguel O'Hara movie with her and then I just forgot, sorry about that. I wanted to clear up some confusion before the update. On my original post, when my mom told me that Sarah and Jay shared an apartment, I said "I didn't even know they lived together." Those were my verbatim words to her because last I knew, Sarah had a roommate and Jay lived alone. I was right, that's still the case. Sorry I wasn't clear about that, I'm bad at expressing myself sometimes. Another thing was people were wondering how Jay found out about my date, or lack thereof, and according to him: he was hanging out with a few of his friends, including my sister, and she told him about it in a joking way. Another thing it that some people are asking why I went out with Jay if I knew my sister liked him. I didn't know, just because I talk to my sister doesn't mean she talks to me the same way. If I had known I would have talked to her about it first because I know from past experience that my sister is a jealous person. Anyway, last night was a doozy. Jay called me back, he said he was going to stay at a friend's because he would feel safer with company. I asked him if there had ever been anything romantic between him and my sister. He said the only thing was that he kissed her at a new year's party at midnight because she was feeling left out. Obviously, I can't confirm if that really is the only thing. He also said that he had never even talked about moving in with Sarah, so he doesn't know why she would say they were living together. After I spoke with Jay, I called my mom again. She still sounded pissed but this time I could hear my sister crying in the background and my dad yelling to get our asses over there. Our being Jay and I presumably. Well as I told my mother earlier, I didn't have Jay's ass and I don't like to drive at night so I told them I would go the next morning. That also gave me time to gather any evidence I could to prove my innocence. Jay even sent me a copy of his lease to prove that he and Sarah do not live together. I went to my parents' alone because Jay has a job. As soon as I arrived, my parents started yelling at me. Just the usual stuff, that I was disrespectful but they never expected this from me. How dare you do this to your own sister? You know she already has a hard time, why make her life harder? My dad even called me a whore! That was fun. I kind of just sat there and did the math on how much faster I would be able to finish my grad program and flee the country, or at least the state. I wasn't very tuned in until my mom told me that if Sarah lost her job because of me, that I would need to financially support her until she found another one. That's when I snapped and told them that if they thought I was going to do that then they were as delusional as my sister. Missing one day of work because of a tantrum over something that didn't even happen was not going to get her fired. My dad said that Sarah had been missing work to make sure that Jay wasn't leaving work early to go see me. I found out, my sister also told them that Jay was missing a lot of work so he wasn't taking enough home for their bills so they had been sending her rent money for months. I told them it wasn't true and I showed them the lease Jay sent, where it clearly says the day the lease started and when it ends. It also had his address which is not the same as Sarah's. My mom brought Sarah out of her room, where she had apparently been this entire time, and told her to explain herself. Sarah said that he probably got that other apartment so that he could be closer to me when he went on supposed business trips. First of all, Jay is a software developer, I don't know what business trips he would go on. Second, nice way to find out that my sister doesn't even know where I live because Jay's apartment is almost an hour away from mine. I showed my parents that on google maps and they finally started to believe me. Sarah started crying and calling me a liar. My dad told me that even if what I said was true, I shouldn't have been so hard on Sarah and that as her sister I should be helping her when she's having a rough time like this. I told him I wasn't a therapist but if she ever decided to get help, I would pitch in. I left after that, there was nothing else I needed to say and there was no point in waiting on an apology. My dad looked uncomfortable and my mom was too busy consoling my sister to notice me leaving. I haven't talked to them since that. Sorry if you were expecting a fun update where I somehow got revenge on my sister or something crazy and petty. If you have questions I'll probably answer. Thanks for caring though, and those of you that shared your own stories under my original post: damn, sorry you went through that.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I spent the day with my sister's best friend and now she's telling my parents that I'm a homewrecker

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150h8bk/i_spent_the_day_with_my_sisters_best_friend_and/

150ilkr

*I am not OOP - This is a repost (from two years ago) because of someone's flair ("I am a far prettier, deranged woman"), which was hysterical. This whole story is written by someone who should write books. I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did* [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ewo5ub/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/) **Originally posted Jan 31 2020** I work in an office building which has a cafe in it. It’s not table service - you go up to the counter and have a choice of a hot meal, soup or a sandwich. The Owners don’t manage it as they are a catering company that supply the food in the morning. They leave The Worker to deal with the distribution of paninis and soup. He is a pleasant person and very talkative, and there is nothing particularly odd about him other than his apparent immunity to the passage of time itself. He will not prep anything. There’s no sandwiches assembled and waiting to go. There’s an empty fridge bit next to the counter. The racks stand barren, devoid of even a glimpse of a BLT. Ok, so the sandwiches are freshly prepared each time? Yes, great. But he doesn’t prep the ingredients either. He has to take out and cut these up every single time someone orders something. And he will take his time. The man will cut cheese with the concentration of someone dissassembling the Large Hadron Collider, and he does it on an order-by-order basis. I will explain his process. There will be a line of four people, and the first will order a cheese panini. He will take out and cut open a panini from the cupboard. He will open the fridge, take out the 5kg block of cheese, unwrap it, cut three slices with the aching determination of a man clinging to the last trace of his self control, rewrap the cheese, and place the cheese in the fridge. He will turn on the panini maker (it is not already on). He will assemble the panini and put it in. He will wait twenty minutes for the panini to cook, during which time he will start another order and begin the same process of taking out and unwrapping and slicing each ingredient before putting it away. He will take out, open, serve from, close and put away each box of salad in turn. He will boil a kettle with enough water for one tea. Ladies and gentlemen, he will turn the machine off between paninis. Lunch only lasts two hours. We’ve had clients visit who attempt to get lunch during meeting breaks who return, sandwichless and with a thousand-yard stare. When he runs out of something he doesn’t score it off the board. Last week he ran out of all types of cheese, all week. He just kept explaining it to everyone individually. He ponders about aimlessly like a Skyrim NPC in an inn, insurmountable tasks mounting in front of him. But he honestly seems to enjoy working there. It’s like he just doesn’t grasp the concept of pre-sliced cheese and well-timed panini makers. We’ve mentioned how long it takes him, but he just sort of laughs and says ‘ah, fresh food’. Just cut the cheese. Please just cut the cheese. The reason he’s running out of food is the owners aren’t selling as much and there adjusting their stock accordingly. There is a lot of demand but the supply takes 30 minutes to toast a panini and spends it talking shite about how mild this winter is. It’s honestly driving me insane. But still I feel like it’d be a dick move? [**Notable Comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ewo5ub/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/fg43yvn/?context=3) Thanks for this, that seems like the best course of action. I’ve discussed this with several other key players in the cheese drama, and think we’re going to do a bit of recon on the situation. We’re sending the least threatening among us, in a fluffy cardigan, to the cafe to ask him if he can prep the food or if it’s a weird owner thing (words will be chosen better than this). We’ll go when he isn’t busy (which, honestly, is any other time not between 12 and 2). If he says ‘I am not allowed’ we will take it up with owners, emphasising how lovely he is and that we think the lack of prep specifically (which we have established is not his fault, but a top down command, but obviously will not reveal) is an issue and we’ve noticed a long wait. If he says ‘what is prep?’ I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming, pounce over the counter and eat the entire five kilograms of cheese. [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ewo5ub/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/) **(Jan 31 2020)** An update: I already ran out of characters otherwise would have tagged this on the end. Other victims have weighed in upon my discussing this with them. He starts at about 9am, and takes a cigarette break in the middle of the two hour lunch. Apparently someone already asked him why he doesn’t prep and he told them it makes his hand sore, and I don’t know if she had anything else to add there because at that point I’d just started screaming. Also to those of you picturing me as a petty, slightly weird man I’m happy to reveal I’m actually a far pettier, deranged woman. Also I need to stop milking it now because my exasperated boyfriend keeps asking me if I keep going quiet because I’m thinking about this post and it’s true. I am ruining Saturday. Going to bring it up kindly with a view to helping and supporting, as per cardigan plan below, regardless. Also thank you for all the awards, holy shit [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/obtkop/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/h40a5cw/) Hello! **(July 4 2021)** So I didn’t update further as it felt like I was really milking the attention and being a bit insufferable, but that was probably somewhat my own anxiety about suddenly getting more than the attention of three people. I don’t know if posting one here is ok? It probably is weird to do so too, but just as you were interested! So basically I think the thing I failed to convey accurately was that the complaint was on behalf of everyone. Like I wasn’t routinely forgetting lunch but we all do sometimes and when you have an office of 40 that affects someone every day. Also affected our clients who visited, etc. Ultimately, my boss ended up complaining after the guy went for another cigarette break at exactly 1pm. But it was constructive and nice, and the guy ended up getting extra training and the owner came in to assist at lunch and stuff. However, shit started getting crazy with Covid so the focus kind of went away. We went into lockdown a few weeks after (if I remember correctly!) and haven’t been back in the building in over a year. Hopefully soon though. But at this point I’m kind of dreading it as means I need to spend money on new clothes - have gained so much weight in lockdown that when I put on a bra and pants I look like sausage links. The guy has a different job now in a call centre, presumably costing them thousands in calls per minute due to his glacially-chilled pace. So I don’t know if the cafe will even be open when we go back. Also there were a few comments that the guy may have had autism. I don’t know - I have a few friends with autism, and I used to work as both a teacher and support worker so know a lot of people with autism. I appreciate I don’t know for certain but I don’t think he had it. I think he just didn’t care that much/ wasn’t really suited to hospitality. But, one global pandemic later, it seems to have worked out.

WIBTA if I complained to the owners of a cafe about how long it takes their employee to cut cheese?

REPOST

KimchiAndMayo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150ilkr/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/

150k5jd

I am not the OP of this post. The OOP is u/throwrasubstantial2, and I have permission to share her post here as she is looking for support. Her update was made at the bottom of her post in r/atheism, and she is open to all the help she can get to help her boyfriend in a really tough situation, and this sub has been awesome providing support to others before Trigger Warning: >!emotional/mental abuse, false pedophilia accusations!< [My(f18) boyfriend(m18) has really religious parents who are trying to ruin his career for leaving the church/coming out by framing him for something he didn't do](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/11t8zpi/myf18_boyfriendm18_has_really_religious_parents/) Hey guys. We met in youth group, but his parents were more strict than mine. I have a job, but his parents won't let him work until he graduates this semester, and by that I mean they won't give him his birth certificate. He also doesn't have a driver's license because they haven't let him learn how to drive. The only exposure he had was church and some sports clubs because he didn't attend a school that offered sports. I've been helping him apply for his first job, and I'm hoping to let him stay with me when I move out in the summer. I've talked to my parents a lot about his situation, and they're supportive of letting him stay with me as he tries to get on his feet. I've been saving to move out for awhile, and my parents despise his and would be willing to help me with rent until he gets a job just to get him out. My dad is retired and really wants to help us. However, I'm writing this because his father is threatening him, and he recently told me about it When he was young (like 10ish), his parents put him in a lot of sports to see what he liked, and some of those included basketball and other classes (not teams), but gymnastics was the one that stuck. He stuck with gymnastics for a few years, but his parents eventually took him out because they didn't like some of the friends he had and said they were too "worldly" among other things. When he turned 12, he became old enough to join our church's teen Wednesday night youth group, and they played sports there before the message that led to his parents not putting him in sports clubs anymore. But whenever he expressed a desire to go back to gymnastics over the years, they got upset and asked why he kept bringing it up They once got upset because he looked up online gymnastics lessons that he wanted to pay for with his allowance, and they found out through parental controls that he still has on his phone today because they pay for his phone plan (they took his laptop away for looking up online lessons too). They also accused him of wanting to do gymnastics to "look at young girls" because he kept asking, and they also said that it "didn't look right for a guy to want to do it" compared to other sports "unless he was there for the wrong reasons", and that mess was similar to their recent threat. They recently had a talk about how he was graduating soon, and that was where they threatened him When they had their talk, they asked if he was gay for the first time, and when he asked why, they said it was because he kept asking them about gymnastics. He told him that he wasn't, and he told me that he wasn't too. However, they didn't believe him, and they threatened him with a bunch of things right before he graduates. His parents had a policy growing up that involved going through his phone whenever they wanted because they paid for it or they'd cancel the phone plan, and sometimes they'd take it when he was sleeping too. He recently told me that he found a lot of searches on his phone that he never searched during his high school years, and many are inappropriate such as "nak\*d teen gymnasts/poses" that could identity as CP that one of his parents must've looked up His father told him that he'd release the search history if he ever left the church or came out as gay/bi, and by release he means tell others about how they found CP on his devices that he never searched. My dad said they were threatening him because they know he's already 18 and can leave after graduating in a few weeks, and he also said it's because they know they're losing control. I attend church with my parents because they're chill, but will no longer when I move out, and my boyfriend attends but isn't religious. My dad is also planning to help my boyfriend get the papers he needs to work, but my boyfriend is afraid that his parents will ruin his career when he leaves and stops attending church, and he gave me permission to post because he can't on his phone with parental controls. That's why I want to ask for the best/safest way to get away from his parents along with any tips that anyone might have because he feels powerless to leave them with their threat [Update Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/11t8zpi/myf18_boyfriendm18_has_really_religious_parents/) **(June 17th, 2023)** A few people asked where we live last time, so I want to add that we live in PA. Some people also asked if he (we'll call him Joshua from now on) had plans to go to college, and his parents wanted him to go to one of their choice (it wasn't a Christian one though). They offered to pay tuition and let him stay as he attended, but he told them that he wants to work full-time and not do college immediately because he wants to move out, and he said that paying for college would also require money that could be used to move out sooner. When they asked how he'd move out, he didn't tell them that he planned to move out with me, and that was because my dad suggested not telling them. However, they kinda came to the conclusion that it was me, but they didn't like that he wouldn't tell them which led to an argument. My dad was able to help him get the documents he needs to work, and we've kept this a secret from his parents. I'm planning to attend college in the fall, and I plan to move out from my parents in early August. However, his parents did something after their argument that has Joshua really upset I've been helping Joshua apply for jobs, and one of the ones we applied for was the local gymnastics gym he used to go to growing up. They had him come in, and he still knew many there. They gave him an interview that he said went well, and they told him they'd get back to him soon. He wants to get a second part-time job until one of the full-time applications comes back, but his parents found out because of their parental controls and called the gym with a bunch of lies. Basically, they told the gym that they stopped having him attend when he was younger because they found inappropriate gymnastics searches on his phone and that they pulled him out because it wasn't safe for him to be there, but he never did anything like that at all. We only know this because one of the assistant coaches told Joshua about what his parents said, and Joshua told him that it wasn't true The coach who told him knew him when he was younger, but we don't know how he knew because he's not a head coach/management. Maybe it got around to him somehow, but we don't know how. I'm writing this because it's been over three weeks since the interview and he hasn't heard anything since. He wants to call and ask if they're still considering, but he isn't sure if he should. My dad suggested applying for another gym along with no longer applying through his phone and only at my parent's home, but he's really depressed because he knew people there and was really excited about going back to somewhere he missed. He's also been depressed because of what his parents did, and he's afraid that they're continue to come after him once he moves out. I'm gonna buy him a new phone before he moves out, but I wanna ask how to help him because he's paranoid of his parents ruining future things along with if he should call the gym back or not. I also wanna ask if a restraining order could help because if they're this bad before he moves out, they're probably be worse once he does \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Additional Comments (emilyaliem) "Whoa whoa WHOA his parents are toxic AF. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. They sound nuts. So, they've threatened to go show who those screenshots? The police? Their church? Social media? And then what? What do they even get out of this?Either way, record and save everything that proves their efforts to control to try to protect yourselves. Otherwise, if it was me I would try to get him out of there and then cut contact immediately. If he's able to get work, just keep it to yourselves for now. For them to actually try to ruin his career would involve them airing out their own dirty laundry as well too in a way which I bet would back fire."

My(f18) boyfriend(m18) has really religious parents who are trying to ruin his career for leaving the church/coming out by framing him for something he didn't do

ONGOING

throwra2982

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150k5jd/myf18_boyfriendm18_has_really_religious_parents/

150wond

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/whoevenisthat5. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I changed letters to names for readability **Mood Spoiler:** >!Good dad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14urh2j/aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_my_daughter_has_to_be/)**: July 9, 2023** I (45m) have a daughter (Polly) from a previous relationship. I divorced my ex wife on good terms and we share 50/50 custody of Polly. She is now 11. After I divorced my ex wife I met my now fiancé (Sharon). Sharon and my daughter got along very well . After 5 years in my relationship with Sharon I proposed. Sharon was super excited and wanted to start planning right away. She looked at venues and started asking her friends to be her bridesmaids. She then told me she wanted her niece to be a flower girl. Which I had no problem with, but I said I also wanted Polly to be a flower girl. Sharon looked at my funny and then said that she didn’t think that Polly would “fit the part” I got angry and told Sharon that my daughter would be in our wedding. Sharon started to become upset and said that the girls in the wedding were up to her and Polly wouldn’t be one of them. I told Sharon that if Polly wasn’t in the wedding then there might not be a wedding. I stormed out and took Polly to get ice cream. Polly knows we are getting married and told me she thinks she will look pretty I whatever dress Sharon decides she should wear this broke my heart and I decided to text Sharon. I told her I would be staying at a friends to think this over. My MIL texted me saying I and over reacting and that my daughter doesn’t have to be in my wedding and I was and ass for saying that I would cancel. So did I take it to far saying I will cancel? Am I overreacting or just being a good dad? EDIT: Thank everyone for the comments and suggestions I will post an update in the near future! ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you propose alternatives to the flower girl position?* "I said I wanted her in the wedding in some shape or form. I wanted her to be a part of our day and not sitting with the guests while we walked down the isle. Fiancé said it would be best if she just sat with my parents" "Many have suggested a junior bridesmaid but my fiancée still declines" "I did tell my fiancée she will be in the wedding and if that means she has to be a groomsmen than so be it. Fiancée blew up saying she’s not a boy and my side is only for boys, she denied my request to have a father daughter dance with Polly so this is why i’m rethinking the whole wedding. Sharon and I are going to talk tonight and hopefully she will give me a full reasoning" *Has Polly ever said anything about Sharon treating her poorly?* "Polly has never voiced any concerns about Sharon treating her badly. I have never seen anything happen between them so this was very out of the blue" "Surprisingly Sharon has never had a issue with Polly until wedding talk. The two have always been super close so her reaction shocked me for sure. I would have never popped the question if Polly wasn’t comfortable! I totally understand where you are coming from" "I do think it’s crazy that I haven’t seen any signs. I’ve talked to Polly and told her to tell me if anything has ever happened Polly can’t recall a single time Sharon was mean to her" *Could race, weight or disability be a factor in this?* "Yes I made this post late last night and am just now reaching all the comments. My daughter is not disabled. She is on the average weight scale for an 11 year old and all of us in the situation are white" *OOP also clarifies that his fiancée is 39 years old.* **Small** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14urh2j/aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_my_daughter_has_to_be/jrbbdl9/?context=3) **in Comments (Same Day)** "Talked to her mom this morning because I wanted Polly to start with her until this was figured out. Her mom said she hopes it goes well and told me I could stay with her and Polly if need be. She said Polly always comes home with nothing negative to say, so we aren’t sure where this came from" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/whoevenisthat5/comments/14vb4wi/update_on_the_last_post/)**: July 9, 2023 (15 hours later)** Hey Reddit! Thank everyone for all the kind words and suggestions. To answer a few questions, my daughter is not disabled, chubby, or having an awkward faze (braces/glasses). I did ask if Polly could be a groomsman, Sharon immediately shot me down. Sharon is 39, she is the same race as my daughter, this is her first marriage. I tried to answer and many comments as possible! I came home to talk to Sharon today. When I pulled in our driveway, my MIL was sitting there in her car. I got out and went inside trying to avoid talking to MIL. Sharon was sitting at the kitchen table and I joined her. She sat in silence so I asked the first question, why does Polly not fit the part, and why don’t you want her in the wedding at all? Her answer full on shocked me. She quietly said, I was hoping that after the wedding you could become a holiday visit only dad, I didn’t want her in the wedding so she wouldn’t be in the photos around the house since she wasn’t going to be around much. I kept my cool, calmly took her hand, and pulled my engagement ring off. Her eyes started to tear up, she said we shouldn’t end the marriage over this and that she can change. I told her the damage was already done. I told her I wanted her things moved out by next week and that she could come get them when my daughter wasn’t home. (The house is in my name and I paid for it, I was allowing her to get her furniture that she paid for). She stormed out and MIL came knocking on the door saying I was being unreasonable. I couldn’t imagine only seeing my daughter 3 or 4 times a year. The fact that Sharon wanted me to give up part of my custody blew me away. I’m sitting on my couch just in shock. Our honeymoon was supposed to be in Hawaii. Looks like me and Polly will be going instead. I will update again if anything happens. ***Relevant Comments:*** *People are once again skeptical that there was no bad behavior by Sharon toward Polly in the past:* "I have truly never noticed a thing. Polly has never had anything negative about Sharon and asked her mom earlier today when she will get to see her again." ***(Editor's Note- sorry, I forgot to fix the spelling of fiancée in the title.)***

AITA for telling my fiancé my daughter has to be in our wedding?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/150wond/aita_for_telling_my_fiancé_my_daughter_has_to_be/

151disc

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** [u/DontAskMeChit](https://www.reddit.com/u/DontAskMeChit/) **in** [r/EntitledPeople](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/) *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* mood spoilers:>! anger, tension, unease, resolution!< &#x200B; [**Friend wants to use me as her backup ATM**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/14kj4di/friend_wants_to_use_me_as_her_backup_atm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, Jun 27, 2023 Next month I (F) am going away on vacation with a long time friend (F). We are going to the Caribbean for five nights. It is not all inclusive so we will be responsible for paying for food, drinks and any activities. She asked me how much was I bringing in cash, I said $300 cash plus debit and credit cards. She told me she is going to bring $300 cash but no debit or credit cards. She said she is on a budget and $300 is her limit. I explained that comes around to only $60 per day, this is not one of the cheaper Caribbean islands so food and drink alone won’t leave her with much left over. I reminded her that she needs to factor in cabs, incidentals or any activities we may decide to do. And you never know if an emergency will come up where she will need money. She says to me “that is why I have you” and started to laugh. That pissed me off to no end. I tell her that we are both adults who are responsible for our own selves. It would be one thing if she lost her purse and needed money, I would float her money before she even had time to ask. But to purposely use me as her back up ATM is not going to work. I told her now that I know what she is up to, I’m not going to go along with it. If she runs out of money, she will just be assed-out and hungry. She needs to bring her cards with her for her own good. She is now telling me I am too harsh and she will bring extra money but no cards. I told her to do what she wants but if there is an emergency she is on her own. &#x200B; [**UPDATE: Friend wants to use me as her backup ATM**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/14v15ax/update_friend_wants_to_use_me_as_her_backup_atm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sun, July 09, 2023 Many of you asked for an update after the trip. Original TLDR, my friend was going to take only $300 cash, no debit or credit cards, on a five-day vacation and told me she would use me for any extra cash she may need. Thanks to everyone for your feedback and suggestions. It truly did save the vacation. I’ll hit the highlights: Some of you said that the Hotel would want a credit card on file from the person who made the reservation. My friend was the one who booked the vacation, she put the whole thing on her credit card because she wanted the card “points”. I told her because the reservation was booked through a third-party app, the hotel would need the original card used to make the reservation. So she was on the hook to bring her credit card. I have no idea if that is true or not, but it sounded good based on what you all commented, lol. She was not happy that her own greed got her, lol. But at least she brought a credit card. Others mentioned that she was going to sulk. And sulk she did. When we got to the airport I told her I was not going to spend the vacation in her misery so let’s hash it out right now. She said that my tone was very rude, as if I was accusing her of trying to mooch off of me (she was). I told her to put herself in my shoes. She was deliberately not being responsible and told me to my face I was her backup plan and laughed about it. It made me feel used and put upon. She apologized and I apologized for being so harsh. Some of you said she would try to be content with cutting corners. Cabs were prohibitively expensive on the island and they didn’t take credit cards. So, she looked up how to take the local buses. I was fine with that until we waited 45 mins in the heat for a bus to take us to the mall (Island time…). Yup, we only took cabs after that. A few mentioned that she would go thru her cash in the first two days. You were close… 2.5 days. There were several markets with local jewelry and crafts that she absolutely loved and they only took…cash. So she ran through her money rather quickly. She only brought her credit card, not her debit card. So, as someone suggested, I made her Zelle me right then and there the money I took out of the ATM for her. She paid for the exchange and ATM fees. She “tried it” with the meals, she ordered something big and wanted to “split” the bill evenly. Normally I would not nit-pick about that but I just didn’t want her to feel like she still got one over on me in any way. Since she used her credit card for meals (to save the cash she had), I paid what I owed in cash and she paid the rest (her higher portion) with her credit card. Overall, we had a good time. We did a few excursions, had shopping and beach time, and relaxed. She even told me it was a good thing she brought her credit card. Things only got weird when I asked her to Zelle me right then and there at the ATM before I gave her the cash, but she knew why I was being so hard-nosed about it. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Friend wants to use me as her backup ATM

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151disc/friend_wants_to_use_me_as_her_backup_atm/

151i4ju

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA00900090 **I think my boyfriend is trying to babytrap me.** **Originally posted to** r/sex + r/offmychest + r/DerechoGenial + r/JustNoSO **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation, Emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse, murder threats and revenge porn!< [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/sex/comments/11yvxq3/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_babytrap_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **March 22, 2023** I don't know what to do I need help please. Throwaway for obvious reasons. Sorry for any errors English is not my first language. I've been dating my boyfriend for an year. I live with him. My family life isn't great, my dad has been out of the picture for as long as I remember and my mom is very mentally unstable. She has been diagnosed bpd but isn't on treatment. She has always been a jealous person. She showers you with love and affection but if you don't do the same for her she will blow up. I've seen her do that to all of her partners and to me. She has been against me doing anything other than staying home with her for as long as I remember, against me having friends, studying for school, working out, etc. Always putting me down for anything. She has had better and worst times and the last year has been one of her downs. She went absolutely mental when she found out I had a boyfriend, she tried to prohibit me seeing him, made scenes whenever I spent time with him saying I am "changing her" etc. Went as far as trashing my room when I left for a whole day. One day I came home and she told me I either stay here with her and broke up with him or when I leave she will change the locks and never let me come back. I called my boyfriend crying and he offered for me to move in with him. I agreed. She has sent me picture of her burning everything I had in my room, that she never wants to see me again and that I am a terrible daughter, made posts on Facebook calling me a whore, etc. Everything has been going okay until a week ago. I came back from school and told him we had vocational orientation, and that a nurse had came to tell us about her career, I told him I though what she did was really cool and I would love to be a nurse. He asked me if you had to study to be a nurse and I said you had, it was about 3 years I think. He then asked me when would we get married and I laugh and said idk maybe after I finish the career. He frowned and said that he wanted to have kids young. I told him we could, just not that young, we still had plenty of time and I though it was best for both of us to have careers before having kids. There wasn't a rush. He said he was running late for work and the conversation was cut short. He has since then done something really weird in which he starts talking semi sarcastically about when I start studying and asking me things like if I am going to go to parties or make more friends or if I'll still have time for him. When I ask him why is he talking like that he will deny using any tone. He has also started to try and convince me to have sex without a condom, saying that he will pull out. One time he even went as far as ignoring me asking him to put a condom on and trying to go in me and he stopped just because I screamed at him. Three days ago I saw him doing something with the drawer where we keep our stash of condoms open. When he saw me he closed it quickly. I grew suspicious and went to look at them after he left. Some of them had little dots like they had been poked. There where just 1/4 of them so I feel like if I bring this up he will deny it and say some where just broken. The other day I asked him that if he wanted to have sex without a condom maybe I should start doing hormonal birth control and he said those pills make you fat and he doesn't want me being fat. He also made fun of me saying I am being so dramatic about being scared of getting pregnant like it was a curse or something. I've though about talking it out with him and reassuring him that me wanting to go to college doesn't change anything on our relationship and we still have plenty of time to form a family, but maybe I'm being naive. I really do love him and I don't want to end this relationship, up until now he has been the biggest blessing. I don't know what else to do, I don't have access to my own money to get my own birth control without him, I live with him, I don't have anywhere else to go [Update 1 -It isnt normal isnt it?](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/11z7zxj/it_isnt_normal_isnt_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **March 23, 2023** A couple of hours ago I asked for help in a couple of subs for a specific situation with my boyfriend.Many people gave me advice and made me feel like I wasn't crazy which I genuinely appreciate. But a lot of advice I was given, revolved around me leaving or taking action behind his back. I started thinking and I don't think the dynamics of our relationship are standard. It would be really hard for me to hide something from him. He takes care of everything money involved, which makes sense because he makes the money but it is to the extent I don't remember him ever giving me cash, not even to buy the simplest cheapest items. Whenever we need something, he goes and buys it, from groceries to clothes to everything. He has made me wait in stores with the things we need for the house for him to come to where I am and pay. Even when he charges my public transport card he asks me how many trips I need to make and charges exactly the money for them, not one cent more. I have access to absolutely 0 money. I used to think it was just a quirk of his but now I feel like it's deliberate. My phone doesn't have a plan, I just use wifi and have him as my emergency contact if I'm outside the house. I don't have friends or really any type of relationships that he isn't also friends with. All my “friends” are people he knew first. If I do anything without him he insists on dropping me off and picking me up. He asks me for selfies of what I'm doing every hour of the day if we are apart. He convinced me to delete together all of our conventional social media (insta, twitter, tiktok) claiming it's better for our mental health, and then he didn't delete his because he realized he needed them for his job. He doesn't know English and he has started complaining whenever I consume any media in English claiming it makes him feel left out and he wants to be able to engage in my hobbies. With people recommending me to search for narcissist abuse and other comments I started to rethink most things I never really put much thought into or minded about. Maybe he has been controlling all along I just didn't oppose any of his requirements until now. I guess I'm just used to having no control. With my mom it was worst, at least he lets me enjoy myself, she would try to make me feel miserable every hour of the day. But at the same time it's so much worse, outside of empty threats there was very little she could do after I was 13 or 14. She is fat and old and I have little respect or love for her. She could trash my room or scream or not feed me all she wanted but she couldn't retain me physically. With him, outside from being way stronger than me, I love him so so much. I can't even picture myself ever finding the strength to leave. It really physically pains me to write this, I feel like I am delusional, and I want to be. I feel like such an empty shell of a human being, though I had control of my life for once and I am just in the same spot. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/124bo0t/update_i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_babytrap/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **March 28, 2023** Posted the update a couple of hours ago and it got deleted by the mods because I wasn't specifically asking for advice(fair enough). So I now specify, I am still asking for advice in this situation. I want feedback on my way of dealing with things, it helps me stop underestimating situations. I'm trying my best to be realistic, it's just hard sometimes when you have no idea what to do otherwise. original post Hi guys. I have a small-ish update. People told me to contact my father's family for help, I tried, and he smoothly told me he does not care. I have no close enough friends who aren't friends with him to reach out to, and there isn't a woman's shelter in my city. I am also very adamant about contacting the police because my country's child laws are very strong on putting blood bonds over almost every type of abuse that is not full-blown crude sexual or physical abuse, I do not want to get back at my mom's house at any terms. I know there's a possibility this isn't going to work out and the way he was acting wasn't okay, but he has been so good to me since now. I feel like he deserves the benefit of the doubt. I spent the weekend trying to avoid having sex, I claimed I had a bruised cervix which did happen before so he understood and didn't push it further than just asking for oral a couple of times which I don't mind. He did make one weird joke on Saturday when I got out of the shower and he saw me and he said something along the lines of if you don't let me get what's mine I'll have to just get in myself. I guess he could see on my facial expression that I didn't find it funny and ensured me he was just joking, I genuinely believe him it was a joke that came off the wrong way. I managed to talk to a school friend and ask for her help, today we skipped the first period and went to a nearby "salita" (i don't know how to describe it in English but a very small hospital for neighborhoods). I got a birth control shot. I hoped I would be able to get a three months one but they didn't have any so I have to go back every month to get it on the same day. I still think it's better than pills because that means I don't have to hide any item. And it was free(yay) thanks to the girl in Argentina that sent me the link to them. Later I started stressing about what would happen if the day of the month falls on the weekend and I do not have school to use as an excuse but I still have many months to go so that's a future me problem. I will still try to stand my ground on him using condoms though. I know I need some type of backup plan if the situation goes south, so I applied for government aid that's supposed to be for high school students from public schools, and it's supposed to help you with money for uniforms or school supplies. It's not much but I thought if I created a mercado pago account (Paypal for Argentina) that I can create from my home and put my money there in investing mode I can help it not all disappear from the inflation. I still don't know if I'm going to get accepted because it has a restriction on your parent's income and I am not sure how much they are making currently. If he still doesn't want me to study when I turn 18 I can apply for a program that helps you for three months financially for people who are suffering domestic violence. The program seems too good to be true though so if someone in Argentina is reading this can you tell me if it's as accessible as it seems? As per today was such a shitty weird day, when I got home from school and he got home from work I saw him and just started crying uncontrollably. He didn't ask me anything, he just held me and told me not to worry that everything was going to be okay, and that he was going to take care of me. I don't know if he had his own theory on why I was crying or if he didn't want to bother asking but I ended up falling asleep while hugging him. It made me feel like a hypocrite. I feel like for the last months for the first time in my life I was just able to put my guard down and not walk on eggshells so It kind of sucks being back on analyzing everything someone says or does or makes me do. I woke up like two hours ago and he went back to work so now I am now writing this not knowing how to feel. [Update 3 - If I take a computer that my boyfriend bought me, can I get into legal trouble?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DerechoGenial/comments/12ckrd1/si_me_llevo_una_computadora_que_mí_novio_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Apr 5, 2023** **THIS POST HAS BEEN TRANSLATED FROM THE ORIGINAL SPANISH** My boyfriend has been having a lot of violent activities and I need to get out of the relationship, but I'm kind of tied to him because I don't work and he supports me. I don't have any money that belongs to me and I don't have many people in my life to ask for help. Several months ago he bought a laptop for me to use primarily but he uses it too. I thought about taking it and maybe selling it if I need the money. Can he sue me and put me in a legal bardo? I am underage. He doesn't care so much about the legal implications as much as that by complaining about it he can get the police to find out where I am and have access to me back. I'm 17 if it makes a difference. [Update 4 - Last week I left my partner, I don't know if I should go to the police.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/12zvijh/last_week_i_left_my_partner_i_dont_know_if_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Apr 26, 2023** This is a long post but please bare with me, I need advice in this situation and I am tired of feeling like I am burdening the very few people I have in my life with my hesitation. I used this account to ask for advice a couple of times to know if my partner was being abusive or if I was being dramatic. You guys were right, from my first post things just went downhill, I feel like he could sense I wanted to leave and became more hostile even. From slight controlling acts, it escalated to plain violence, physically and sexually. On top of that, I found him cheating and a lot of other worrying stuff on his phone but that alone would take me a whole post. I didn't know how to leave, I had no money or anywhere to go. At the perfect time, I remembered a very specific figure from my past that had almost left my mind between traumatic events, who had promised to help me if anything wrong happened to me (Im sorry this is vague I do not want to give identifiable information). She agreed to help me, so without thinking about it too long, I left him a note explaining why I was leaving without saying where to and I left with like 2 T-shirts and my phone charger. This was last week Monday. The person who has helped me escape has been nothing short of wonderful and the most loving human being, but that sadly hasn't made this past week any less horrifying. He tried contacting me on all platforms we have, and I answered all his first messages explaining I am okay but I don't want to go back and block him afterward, except for email just in case. He started sending messages saying he couldn't live without me, asking me to come back. Then they fluctuated to full walls of paragraphs saying how much he hated me and how much of a horrible human being I am and threatening physical violence, he then sent me a message with a folder with nude pictures he had of me saying he would share them if I didn't agree to see him. The pictures are half pictures of myself I knew he had but they don't really show anything that would gain me a ban on Instagram, they are just suggestive. There are a whole other bunch of pictures that I sent him on limited time agreeing to his persistence for them and I had specifically asked to not screenshot, but oh well, in these pictures I specifically didn't show my face or any defining feature that would tell It's me. The real issue comes with a couple of pictures he added where I am fully naked and you can recognize it's me. I did not take or consent to be taken these pictures, he had taken them while I was asleep/distracted. I don't think he would be dumb enough to share this because I am a minor and doing so would fuck up his life way more than it would mine, still, it scares me very much. His actions don't end here, he then proceeded to say if I didn't answer he would find where I was and go ki// me. My mom and a school friend asked me where I was because he had gone by their houses demanding to see me and threatening them if they didn't let him in. I made the terrible mistake of telling my mom where I was and what was going on, she didn't have much of a response other than telling me that it was my fault and that I deserved it because she always told me he was bad news. Well, turns out my ex-boyfriend's mom called mine crying and pleading with her to convince her that I return home with him because she feared for his mental health and life if didn't, and the piece of shit I have the displeasure of calling my mom I have told her where and with who I am. She informed me this, her excuse was that she knows how hard it is to be a mother and she empathizes with her because I am a horrible human being that keeps hurting people. Since this, he has just sent me one email saying he knows where I am and nothing else, I am incredibly terrified and haven't left the house. Who I am staying with has encouraged me to file a lawsuit against him, because then I can ask for state help and I do have some evidence. I don't know what is the value of the evidence, I have the emails, screenshots from his phone talking to his friends about me and lowkey admitting to sexually abusing me, pictures of marks he has left on me, and a video of him hitting the door I am hiding against screaming threatening to hurt me. I never till today thought of taking legal action, this whole experience has made me feel so weak I feel if one more person starts questioning me I will lose my sanity. I just want to move on with my life and leave everything that has to do with him behind. I am from a very small town and people love him and his family, I feel that even if I have all the evidence in the world the average person will still be on his side. I am an outsider with a mom known for losing her marbles. The only really weird thing that gave me a little bit of hope is that today one of the girls in his friend group contacted me and asked me if I was okay and to know my side of the story. She said she had created her suspicions one night when we went to hang out with his friends and he had gotten really drunk and really mad at me. She said she had seen him throwing and pushing me around, I hadn't even realized he was doing so. She said she believed me and she was proud of me for leaving. She has no reason for believing me over him or reaching out. It made me feel less crazy. I don't know if legal action will bring me more safety or just more mess, I don't care about justice anymore, I just want to live. **CONCERNING THE EX-BOYFRIENDS AGE** [This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11yvvmx/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_babytrap_me/jd9otsp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **kzapwn** >How old is this guy **OOP replied** >23 ##**OOP HAS COMMENTED IN THE THREAD** * [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151i4ju/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_babytrap_me/jth7l5y?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 25, 2023** Hi, I'm fine, thanks to everyone that reached out:). I stopped posting because someone started harassing me and I just really didn't have energy to write or do anything. I am currently back at living with my mom because of legal procedures how I feared but I'm planning to move out with some friends next month. A lot has happened since my last post, if you guys still care I can update more in depth soon ##**OOP HAS UPDATED WITH A NEW POST** * [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/15e6j0z/life_after_escaping/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 31, 2023** **Life after escaping?** UPDATE Hey, everyone! Sorry for the long disappearance. My life has been stressful enough lately, and I just haven't had the energy to share what's been happening. I want to address something. So many people complained about me telling my mother where I was, I don't know why I did it, I know it was stupid, I think It was just wishful thinking she would at least not try to actively harm me. Sometimes, I just make poor decisions. So, I want to give you a fair warning that in the next weeks, I didn't make the smartest choices either. Please don't hate me for it. One of the reasons I'm updating now is that my previous posts helped me remember things better. Without them, I'd keep convincing myself that things weren't as serious as they were or that they didn't happen at all. It's tough explaining everything that's happened since my last post; I haven't written anything in the past two months, and it's all a blur in my mind. I feel like I've been living in a fog for so long. After my last update, I got a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend. But I decided not to pursue legal action because some of me still loves him, and I didn't want to ruin his life. Things were calmer for about two weeks, but then my ex-boyfriend started reaching out again. I didn't take action the first time he contacted me. I had to go back to my city for some paperwork, and he found out. He asked to talk, and I agreed, hoping for closure since things ended so abruptly. I never got to explain what I found or why I wanted to get away from him. I know it sounds silly, but I just hoped to be able to understand him a little bit at least. So, we met in a public place during the day to be safe. Unfortunately, our conversation mostly involved him blaming me for everything and denying his actions. Realizing it wasn't going anywhere, I left. He was a bit pushy about me staying, but eventually, he let me go. Now, he had ignored the restraining order, and I haven't done anything about it. As a result, he has become way more relaxed about taking it seriously. He started emailing me but he wasn't aggressive, just asked to see me again repeatedly and sent me pictures of us. He went further and took a vacation week from work to come to the town I was in. He got a room there and every time I got out of the house, he would drive by my side and try to talk to me. Surprisingly, he was very calm and respectful during these encounters. I know it was a dumb decision, but I just couldn't bear any more dealing with the police or confrontation. Plus, I feared that they would blame me for not calling the first time he showed up, and he wasn't being mean to me, which was the only thing I cared about so I thought I could ignore it and that eventually, it would stop. I know I'm stupid for doing so, my reasoning was to just do whatever is easier for the next six minutes survival. He became more demanding about me going back to him. Just slowly started losing his patience, I thought he might just be about to give up. Well, I've never been more wrong in my life. This is the part where I add the big trigger warning. He forced me into his car and now, id rather just say that an ADN kit (meant to say DNA, I forgot it's different letters in English) was enough to get him facing a whole spectrum of charges. I don't really know what his ultimate plan was, but after he left me in a rural area near the city, and he cut the sole of my feet, so I couldn't walk. I sat there crying for hours until someone found me and helped me. He also took my phone, which I now have back. Anyway, I was taken to the police, and he now has an actual case against him. I haven't seen him since then, but the case is probably going to take forever to resolve. I was forced to go back to my mom's house, so it feels like bouncing from one narcissist to another. I feel stuck in a cycle. I want to move to the capital city of my province when I turn 18 and leave everything behind me. Right now, everyone in my town looks at me weirdly, and even the sympathetic ones make me feel like they just see me as a helpless pet they pity. I don't know if that makes sense. Until two days ago I was sure to do it with a new friend and some of her friends who are renting a house all together for dirty cheap there, but I'm second guessing myself. I am scared I'll get there and won't be able to get a job. Also everyone there is a little bit heavy on the drug use and I just feel like it might be a very unstable living arrangement. If it fails they can just go back to their parents houses but I can't do that. Also I literally don't know them at all. So idk, I just really want to leave, my mom has been making me feel shitty even if she isn't trying to lay hands on me that much. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I think my boyfriend is trying to babytrap me.

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151i4ju/i_think_my_boyfriend_is_trying_to_babytrap_me/

151imz6

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Both-Injury2667 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest Trigger warnings: >!cheating, suicide attempt!< Mood spoilers: >!hopeful for OOP!< &#x200B; [My Wife of Two years is cheating on me](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/144g0it/my_wife_of_two_years_is_cheating_on_me/) \- June 8, 2023 Today I (M27)found out my wife(F25)is cheating on me. As with all cheaters she messed up. She left her second phone home when she left for work. I’m numb because I heard her phone go off and I assumed she had just left it and we were supposed to meet up for lunch later but when I picked up her phone I saw a number I didn’t recognize and the text on there said it all. It read “I can’t wait to see you tonight.” Ya I know that maybe that’s just a friend and this could just be a work phone but my gut tells me otherwise. I’ve been thinking about it and she has been acting weird. She’s been working long hours, she’s been on 2 girls trips this month, and she’s been randomly called in to work on her days off. I don’t know what to do. Her second phone has a lock on it otherwise I’d open it and read the other texts. What do I do? Update: thank you for all the comments I just finished with lunch with her. I confronted her about the phone and the look of horror on her face broke what little hope I had left that she wasn’t cheating on me. I gave her her phone and told her to open it and show me the text thread and the messages date back to December. I asked her how long she’s been cheating and she confessed. She broke down and started apologizing as I read the messages which were like daggers straight to my heart. I asked her again how long and apparently it’s been happening our whole marriage. When I told her i don’t think I could forgive her she got mad and drove home packed a suitcase and left. I’m sitting here on our bed with a mixture of sorrow, pain, and a desire to just wake up from this nightmare. I don’t where I went wrong. Why couldn’t I be a better husband to her? I feel so lost and hopeless. She was my everything. Thank you for the support. Update 2: Wow ok so I didn’t think this post would get any likes or support thank you so much for this. I appreciate all the comments and advice. So today I had the locks changed to the house. I called a divorce attorney to help me and I meet with him in a day so hopefully he takes my case. I went through some of her messages and her friend’s messages to me. Apparently she twisted the story to make it look like I cheated on her and she’s the victim. Unfortunately for her I took a picture of the text that said I can’t wait see you and sent that to her family. Idk if that will do anything but ya. I feel insanely guilty every text I read from her. She called me about 40 times and left voicemails which i immediately deleted. with all the support and help from you guys I feel like I can make it through this. OH ALSO I did set a drs appointment to get tested for stds. Thank you for all support I really appreciate it. Yesterday my world fell apart and you guys are helping me pick up the pieces. My family believes me and support me and my friends support me too. I still have a lot of pain in me but I feel like I can breathe a little better and as some of you have mentioned that it can only get better from here. I hope this is the case because this hurt is one I never want to feel again. I’ll keep you updated as it comes &#x200B; [My wife is cheating on me.. last update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14c6vep/my_wife_is_cheating_on_me_last_update/) \- June 18, 2023 A week or two ago I (M27) posted about how my ex wife (F25) of 2 years was cheating on me our entire marriage. Ever since then my life has been in a down hill spiral and the hurt hurts to much. my race has been run and. To quote Lord of the Rings “There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold. Bilbo once told me his part in this tale would end... that each of us must come and go in the telling” It’s my time to go in the telling of life. I thank you again for all the wonderful comments. Thank you and for last time goodbye. Update: Thank you all of you. Like thank you. I was on the couch with my gun in my hand I was crying and idk why but I fell asleep. I woke up to my phone going off. Im in the ER right now waiting to go to the mental health ward. You guys helped me with your love. Thank you is all I can say. I love you guys. Update 2: Thank you guys for all the love and support. I’m in the mental health unit now and they allow me to have my phone for 20 mins so I wanted to give you an update. I’ve called my brother and he’s going to my house to take and lock up my guns until I get through this. I’m going to be here for a week or two until the Drs feel like I’m not a danger to myself. Again thank you for all your love and support and know that you saved a life with all your loving comments. *Notable comments:* >"But in the end it’s only a passing thing, this shadow; even darkness must pass." – Samwise Gamgee. This too shall pass. Take care brother don't do it as not only is it a waste. It is the end of all other possibilities. &#x200B; >Don't do it. She is not worth ending your life over. She is the scum, not you! You are an amazing person, and when the time is right you will find the one that will love, cherish, respect, and honor you as you do her. This girl is not more than your life. Call a friend or family. Call anyone. They will be there for you, and see a therapist. I know it hurts right noe, but it will get better in time. You're still young. Don't let her steal more from you! &#x200B; >Please take a look at this comment section and recognize that you are loved. All these strangers took time out of their day to try to make you feel better. Love doesn't always look the way we imagine or hope it will be, but that doesn't mean it's not there. You have been let down, OP, but that's not your fault. There is still love in the world for you. Please stay so you can soak it all up. > >with love ❤️, a friend &#x200B; [My wife of two years is cheating on me… final update the happier one](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14naeqq/my_wife_of_two_years_is_cheating_on_me_final/) \- June 30, 2023 Thank you Reddit. I (27M) almost made the worst decision two weeks ago. I almost committed suicide over my ex wife (25F). I’m happy to report that I’m back from the hospital with more hope and peace then I’ve felt in a long time. I got out last week and since then I finalized my divorce, my friend has moved in with me to help get me through this rough patch. Also it turns out that my ex was cheating on me with a married coworker and when she ran to him after she left he chose his wife over her. I don’t know them otherwise I’d let his wife know about his infidelity. My ex is now living in a motel because her friends and family (after I sent them proof) have all but abandoned her. Life is looking up and without your kind words and support I wouldn’t be here. Thank you for saving my life now it’s time for me to love it again. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My Wife of Two years is cheating on me

CONCLUDED

Zeltene

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151imz6/my_wife_of_two_years_is_cheating_on_me/

151jj16

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/067steponmepls **AITB for refusing to take over my wife's household chores?** **Originally posted to** r/AmITheButtface [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/14uqvvi/comment/jrci5rc/) **July 9, 2023** I (34M) recently had a heated argument with my pregnant wife (30F), and I'm wondering if I'm the asshole here. After a year of trying, my wife is currently seven months pregnant with our first child, but it hasn't been smooth sailing. She's been dealing with morning sickness, fatigue, and other pregnancy-related challenges. I've been supportive, buying her cravings and attending all OB-GYN appointments. However, things changed when she started expecting me to do more around the house. I want to clarify that I'm not a misogynist. I understand that household chores can be shared, but in our household, it's been our arrangement that she handles most of them. I work a demanding full-time job, and I often come home exhausted. However, my wife believes that since she's pregnant, I should take on the majority of the household chores. She insists she needs more rest and less stress "for the sake of the baby." I provide for us financially, and I believe that should be enough. The baby would be more affected by growing up in a poverty-stricken home, right? I think it's fair for her to handle most of the chores since she's not working, and she's not physically incapable of doing them. I understand she may need naps or breaks due to pregnancy discomfort, but not doing ANY chores AT ALL seems excessive. We had a huge fight the other day when she asked me to do the laundry. I was tired after work and told her it was her responsibility if she wanted it done that night. I explained that I would be willing to help on weekends, but it's not my agreed-upon role. She got upset, accusing me of not caring about her or the baby. I tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen. She claims the baby will suffer if she does housework, which I don't understand. She called me selfish, saying I shirk my responsibilities as a husband and a father. I argued that she was being lazy and expecting too much. We didn't speak for the rest of the evening. The next day, seeking advice, I talked to friends and family who all sided with me. They said my wife was being unreasonable and taking advantage. They agreed I was already doing enough by providing financially. Feeling validated, I confronted my wife and shared what others had said. She got angrier, accusing me of twisting the situation to make myself look good. She claimed I was surrounded by biased people who didn't understand her challenges as women. I'm frustrated and hurt. I genuinely believe I'm not in the wrong. I work hard to support our family, and we had agreed-upon household roles. She never mentioned her pregnancy involving me taking over chores. I fear this will escalate when the baby is born, and I don't have time for that. I think she's being unreasonable and expecting too much. Am I the asshole? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **imaginarysunday** >YTB. She’s heavily pregnant for crying out loud. She’s uncomfortable and exhausted 24/7. This isn’t about you. Your partner is asking for support and you’ve not only made it clear you won’t step up to support her with everyday things that she’s clearly struggling to do, but you deliberately sought out opinions of others so you could try to convince her she’s being unreasonable. Stop gaslighting your partner and grow up. Yes, you’re tired and have a lot of responsibilities, but instead of getting butthurt about it this is your turn to step up for your partner when they need you. If you can’t manage this much before your kid is even born, good luck in parenthood. **OOP replied** >I agree shes exhausted, but shes not as uncomfortable as you make it out to be. she goes for walks in the morning with her friends and can still function throughout the day. She seems perfectly capable of doing all the other chores, and only takes a nap once in the afternoon. Her pregnancy is going pretty well right now, that we have gotten past the morning sickness stage. My point is, she doesnt seem THAT exhausted , except for when its time to do the chores, when she is all of a sudden fatigued, and asks me (after 9.5 hours of work+ commute) to do them all for her. * **sparklesparklemeow** >So, just to give you some perspective. I’m currently 6 months pregnant and it has taken a huge toll on my body physically. >My center of gravity has changed, so I’m a lot more clumsy. When I lift a basket of laundry, it pulls on the ligaments in my stomach and leaves pains for the rest of the day. I’m peeing all the time, accidentally starting to fall asleep standing sometimes, still triggered and throw up from time to time. On top of that, on the days when I’ve pushed myself too hard either through exercise or doing house chores, I get a migraine that lasts for a day and doesn’t go away with any paracetamol. On top of all of this sleep has been rough from about the 3rd month. It’s painful in certain positions and on top of that I haven’t had a solid 8 hour sleep in ages. >I’m sure there are so many more symptoms I’ve had that I’m forgetting. >Your wife is not trying to be lazy or not help the home. She is probably really struggling physically and needs you to help her. Too much stress on the body does actually affect the baby, because your body is also trying to take care of you. >I really think you should research or watch some videos on the experience as a pregnant woman and show your wife that you’re trying to put yourself in her shoes. >So far, it doesn’t sound like you are trying to empathize with her experience. She is doing a huge job for your family by creating this baby for you and then dealing with all of the postpartum trauma and hardship. Think about it this way too, women get paid to carry babies for couples as a job, as a surrogate. Your wife is currently doing that for you. She’s really in a way doing several jobs: cleaner, house manager, and pregnancy. >With how you’ve reacted to her and treated her, right now YTB. **OOP replied** >genuinely, thank you so much for this comment. i asked my wife about htis and if she felt any of this and she told me she did, and i realised i was just so blind and inconsiderate. >i did do reserch and watch some videos , but. i mostly talked to my wife and truthfully asked her what she wanted. >please leave me any more notes or help if you can under my update, ive opened my eyes now [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/14uqvvi/aitb_for_refusing_to_take_over_my_wifes_household/jrci5rc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 9, 2023** UPDATE: So it turns out my brother-in-law is pretty active here ( hi, rob) so my wife confronted me after discovering my previous post, and I want to share the outcome of our conversation. I made a mistake by assuming she wasn't / was barely struggling with her pregnancy due to a lack of open communication. She rightfully called me out for dismissing her feelings in the past, and it hit me hard. We had a two-hour conversation where she expressed her experiences and challenges, and I realized how wrong I was for assuming she was okay when she wasn't. ( Thank you to all the moms who commented under the Original Post too , it really shocked me ) We also discussed our vision for parenting, and she made me aware that prioritizing work would mean minimal time with our child. This resonated with me as I grew up with an absent father and really strongly don't want the same for my child. We talked about tasks she could comfortably do, considering her physical limitations, like washing dishes and folding clothes while sitting. In return, I agreed to help with everything else such as mopping, gardening, cooking, making the bed, and doing laundry. I realized that rigid roles in the household were problematic, especially with a baby on the way. We need to be flexible and support each other as needed. To those who called me out for appearing sexist, it was never my intention. This situation stemmed from a lack of communication and empathy on my part, which I now recognize. I promised to her, to learn from this experience and be a better partner. ( Also, not an excuse, but I have been so obsessed with work these past few months, as I just got a promotion. and i think that why ive been so ,, blind. if i proceeded like this, i know for a fact that my children would suffer, and id live to regret it. ) I apologised profusely to my wife because holy shit was i an idiot We considered hiring a nanny but my wife isn't comfortable with the idea yet. Instead, my sister will help out occasionally. To actively participate in parenting, I will take paternity leave in about a month. It's the bare minimum, but it shows my commitment to being more involved and supportive. Lastly, we're thrilled to announce that we'll be welcoming a baby girl into our lives! I want to apologize deeply to my wife, the Reddit community, and anyone affected by my previous post. I've learned valuable lessons about communication, empathy, and understanding during this transformative time. Thank you for holding me accountable and offering support and guidance. also HOLY SHIT I GOT CROSSPOSTED ON r/AMITHEDEVIL?? that. that was a wake-up call man. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITB for refusing to take over my wife's household chores?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151jj16/aitb_for_refusing_to_take_over_my_wifes_household/

151ld89

Reminder: I am not the OP. Both posts originally posted by u/TheHermitOfCarcosa in r/polyamory &#x200B; \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- &#x200B; Trigger warnings: >!abusive relationships, serial killer vibes!< First post, posted May 30th, 2023: [Met Wife's BoyFriend; Felt Like a Guest in My Home](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/13vzsgi/met_wifes_boyfriend_felt_like_a_guest_in_my_home/) &#x200B; This weekend I met my wife’s new boyfriend. I have a lot of feelings about it, and although my wife listened to me, she literally said “I don’t know how to respond to your concerns” and that ended the conversation. &#x200B; To set the stage: This was not our first time meeting the other’s partners. I have met a (now) ex-boyfriend of hers and she met my current girlfriend. In both of those cases, we went out to lunch in public and had a friendly “getting to know you” conversation, did a second activity and then parted ways. There was no touching between anyone during the initial meetings, it was just a friendly hinge chat to introduce metas. &#x200B; This weekend, my wife had invited her boyfriend over for breakfast and didn’t prep for it at all. She was in bed minutes before he arrived and sent me to the store to buy everything we needed. I said we should go out at that point, but she said she wanted to cook. When I got home, he was already in my house with my wife in the master bathroom while she was getting ready. This made me tense because we had never had other people in our bedroom before, and my wife had previously marked it as her hard boundary. &#x200B; I was nervous about meeting this guy because we had a 3-way phone call a month ago, and I wasn’t digging his personality. Now I was on edge because of the groceries, because she wasn’t ready, and because he was “in my space.” &#x200B; The guy comes out of my bedroom and he’s wearing a full suit and tie while I’m in T-shirt and jeans. I perceive this as an odd choice and a power imbalance. My wife later told me he always wears suits, but that literally is not true because after breakfast he changed clothes to go on a date with her and ended up in a t-shirt and jeans. &#x200B; We sit down at the table and my wife starts cooking. Already this is uncomfy to me because the “hinge” is missing from our conversation. Previously we sat down at a table together, but my wife was effectively uninvolved in me meeting him for the first time, just occasionally chiming in while cooking. And we didn’t really vibe. We’d ask each other a question or two and then it would peter out until a new topic came up. &#x200B; When the conversation died down, the boyfriend just spews sexual comments. Saying that he wants to bend her over the kitchen table right now, that she should stop cooking and suck our dicks, asking if we want to jump into a threesome right now. etc. &#x200B; When we previously spoke on the phone this is part of what made me uncomfy because the conversation was going well until he hyperfixated on sex and any other conversation broke down. I had previously conveyed this to my wife after the call, but I am ashamed to say I didn’t stand up for myself. I have difficulties saying what I want to in the moment. I was also trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and I didn’t want to be too aggressive when meeting him the first time. &#x200B; My wife sits down with plates of food and the guy asks if he can sit next to her. We have a square table with a chair on each side. He picked up his chair and sat on the same side of the table as her. Which was super weird to me and made me uncomfortable. My wife later insisted he always does this. My beef is that it felt like he didn’t view this as an opportunity to meet me, he viewed it as a date with my wife and also I was there. &#x200B; After the plates were put away I went to the bathroom and came back to them making out in the kitchen. This was my first time visually seeing my wife with another person and I was fine with it. But then, as I started doing the dishes, he pushed her down on the couch and fully got on top of her making out and groping her. My wife said no and pushed him off, so he went to the bathroom. &#x200B; At this point, I talked to my wife and said that her boyfriend was making me extremely uncomfortable in my own home and that I wanted him to tone it down. He walked up behind me, having gone in the hall but not actually gone to the bathroom, and said, “don’t mind me, I’m not eavesdropping.” &#x200B; I asked my wife to meet me in private to express my frustration. She said that this is just how he is. I said we didn’t talk about boundaries for this meeting, that I assumed it would be like the other two meetings we’ve had (second paragraph), and that many of the things he’s done had crossed lines for me and made me feel uncomfortable in my house. &#x200B; She says to give her a minute and she'll take care of it. I return to the kitchen and he’s changing clothes. He brought all his clean laundry in a suitcase and was cycling through outfits, asking my wife what she thought of each. I later told my wife that was extremely weird to me, especially since she went out there with the intent to tell him to tone it down. She said the alternative was that she and he go into the bathroom while he changes. &#x200B; Fast forward, they leave to go on their date. I stay busy the rest of the day and can’t get a hold of my wife from noon to midnight. I go to bed, having asked her to check in 3 times. Called her, and no response. At 4 am she woke me up to ask if he could spend the night because they had been out until 3:30 am and it was an hour drive back to his house. I said no because we had planned a full day just us for the next day. My wife went out to talk to him, then came back and said he was too tired to drive and asked me to reconsider. I’m barely awake, so I begrudgingly say fine. My wife promises not to stay out so late again and we go to bed. Boyfriend sleeps in the guest room. &#x200B; My wife and I had planned to go to breakfast but had to put a pause on that because the boyfriend hadn’t woken up by 10am. I say we can get drive thru breakfast and my wife sends me out alone because she doesn’t want him to wake up in the house by himself. She tells me he’ll be gone by the time I get back. At 10:45 I get home and he's still there. My wife comes down and makes him coffee because we didn’t get him anything… because he was supposed to be gone already. I told my wife point blank I wanted him to leave because this was our day together and we had already had to change plans because of him. She said that would be rude and that we still had the whole rest of the day just us. He ended up staying until noon. He didn’t say a word to me as he sat at the table drinking coffee and then fist-bumped me goodbye. &#x200B; When he finally left, my wife asked how I thought it went. I expressed everything I described here. Told her his personality made me uncomfortable, he ignored me, made me feel like a guest in my house, I didn’t appreciate him spending the night, etc etc etc.My wife said, “Thank you for being honest. I don’t know how to respond to your concerns. It’s important to me that you like him. I need to think about this.” And shut the conversation down for now so we could focus on our planned day. &#x200B; I don’t know how to handle all this. I do not like this man. &#x200B; \*all the comments say this guy seems like bad news and his wife is being extremely disrespectful by sitting by and watching it all happen\* &#x200B; Second post, posted June 20th, 2023; [Everyone Met My Wife's Boyfriend and Fears for Her Safety](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/14embsv/everyone_met_my_wifes_boyfriend_and_fears_for_her/) &#x200B; Update: A lot has happened since my last post. Using the advice I got from r/polyamory, I set a clear boundary with my wife that I did not want to interact with her boyfriend again and that he was not welcome in the house while I was there. I expressly stated how uncomfortable he made me with specific examples, I used a lot of the advice folks gave here and I came to an understanding. True to form, I have not seen boyfriend since then. &#x200B; Then things got worse. I was out of town for the weekend and my wife had boyfriend over for two whole days. In that time, he met our two housemates and made them both extremely uncomfortable. He met my girlfriend’s parents and made them extremely uncomfortable. And he and my wife had loud sex in the guest room at 2am and kept our roommate awake when she had work the next day. The roommate interrupted them because it was keeping her awake and this was AFTER they had set a house rule that they would not do this because it already happened once before. &#x200B; On Sunday morning, while I was away, I woke up to angry text messages from both our roommates describing what they called “serial killer behavior.” Both said they were furious and extremely uncomfortable. Interesting to me is they both described the same “pretend to go the bathroom to cover eavesdropping in the hallway” thing I described in the previous post. This made me upset as I obviously want my housemates to feel safe. &#x200B; On my way home on Sunday, my mother-in-law called to say she had father’s day brunch with my wife and her new boyfriend and he made the whole extended family extremely uncomfortable, such that they don’t want to interact with him again. This was extremely irritating because my wife did not tell me that she intended to introduce the boyfriend to her family at all – which is also my family because of marriage/estrangement to my bio-family. &#x200B; At this point, I say enough is enough. I had been texting my housemates and called a house meeting as soon as I got home. My roommate who was kept awake started by saying “I hate this man. I never want to see him again. I am politely asking that you do not let him back in the house at all.” Then my next roommate said something very similar, as did I. &#x200B; My wife asked if we all feel this way. I said “Everyone you have introduced him to feels this way. Everyone.” Realizing how badly the weekend had gone for everyone else and that brunch hadn’t gone as well as she thought, my wife was taken aback. As many people here on reddit said, both of my roommates said the boyfriend terrifies them, that he acts like a serial killer, and that they are concerned for her safety. My wife said “Yeah. That’s what I like about him.” &#x200B; We went around stating what he had done to make us uncomfortable and my wife started to shut down. She didn’t try to defend him. She didn’t say anything. She stopped responding until finally one of our roommates asked if she had anything to say. She said she wished we had told her this sooner because she had just said “I love you” to him earlier that day – which was news to me. She asked why nobody had told her sooner and the answer was that he was attached to her hip for two days and he looks over her shoulder to read all her phone messages. &#x200B; After a lot of discussion, my wife agreed that she would not bring her boyfriend around if anyone was at the house. She said that probably means he won't come back to the house at all. She also said she wouldn’t ask anyone to leave so he could come over, and that he wasn’t invited to parties… except that she had already invited him to an upcoming party at our house next weekend and she wasn’t strong enough to uninvite him – but also that she is afraid everyone at the party will hate him and be made uncomfortable. &#x200B; Moreover, she told me that she’s going to continue seeing him. While I understand this, it also made me a little sad. Two weeks ago, she had said that if I ever hated one of her partners, then she and that person could not be compatible. At this point, her best friends, her husband, and her parents were saying they never want to see this man again and that they are afraid for her safety, and she no longer seemed bothered. &#x200B; I don’t know what is going to happen next. I am sincerely hoping he does not come to the party next week. And my roommates and my mother-in-law have each individually shared that they are afraid he is going to try to kill either my wife or me. &#x200B; \*OP has not commented or responded to any comments on either post. Second post got locked by mods with the following comment: &#x200B; \**OP, this is way beyond Reddit’s paygrade.Get everyone to therapy, get a lawyer and possibly a restraining order, and talk to that lawyer about the best plan about keeping everyone safe. Cancel the party, or at least leave and get the kids and/roomates and pets away for the weekend. If everything you say is true, put reddit down and start asking these friends if they have a good lawyer to recommend.* &#x200B; *Edit: OP, you’ve gotten good advice, and we’re locking this. It’s becoming bogged down in the details, and you have bigger fish to fry.\**

Everyone Met My Wife's Boyfriend and Fears for Her Safety

ONGOING

cathistorylesson

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151ld89/everyone_met_my_wifes_boyfriend_and_fears_for_her/

151ont9

Spoiler paragraph? Spoiler paragraph. Rabbits are cute, soft and nice. They can jump real dang high and they are crazy little guys. Super delicate little dumbos though. They can't throw up, so you can't let them eat anything bad or they'll get a gut blockage and could die. Other dangerous things include: the sniffles (deadly); bunny tornados (bunnies fighting each other; deadly). Source: my rabbits. &#x200B; OOP is u/throwaway181718 &#x200B; TW: >!Cult "group therapy" camp; harassment; stalking; kidnapping; suicide.!< Mood: >!Op is safe.!< Actual content spoiler (you've been warned): >!Confirmed fake.!< &#x200B; **Original** on r/confessions \- January 29, 2017: &#x200B; [I was in a cult.](https://www.rareddit.com/r/confession/comments/5qup7f/i_was_in_a_cult/) Firstly, apologies for my anonymity. I don't want this to get back to me, but I haven't told ANYONE about this, I need to get it off my chest. Three years ago, when I was in college, I was suffering with severe depression. I took medication and attended therapy and group therapy, one day in my group therapy our therapist told us that there's a man here to talk to us. For reasons let's call him Bob. Bob was really energetic, really friendly and understanding. He spoke to us on our level, a bunch of vulnerable teenagers. He told us about a group therapy holiday, we go away over the summer holidays and do some cool things like rafting, rock climbing etc. He explained that it was completely free because the college would pay for us to go, and it lasts five weeks. Not many people were interested but I decided to ask him a few questions after the session. He told me that it was all about adventure, making friends and having fun, whilst continuing our therapy. I asked for some details off him but he didn't have a card, so he asked for mine. Stupidly I gave him my phone number, email address and home address. Later that night I was telling my parents about it, they seemed a little suspicious but I was trying to convince them. Whilst we were talking there was a knock at the door, it was Bob. My dad welcomed him in and he spoke to both of them explaining that it is good for my mental health and it's also a lot of experiences, as well as completely free. After talking for a while my parents agreed that I could go. They filled out some paperwork and the next time I saw Bob was when I got on the coach, with lots of other people around my age. Bob was really enthusiastic and everyone looked excited, albeit we were all having mental health issues. Bob explained that on our first day we would be doing an adventure course and building a raft, to help with teamwork with our fellow campers. We drove north to a walled off campsite, it was huge. As we got off the bus everyone had to go for a physical check-up, it was uncomfortable but I assumed it was to make sure we could take part in the events. The doctor was VERY thorough. When we left we couldn't find our suitcases, so we guessed they were brought to our rooms, but when we got to our rooms they weren't there either. I asked Bob and he said that we weren't allowed them, and we weren't allowed phones either. He asked for all our phones, me and the other boys in my room refused but then he said that it was in the contract we signed. Reluctantly we all gave up all our possessions and he gave us these ugly tracksuits to wear 'because we didn't want our nice clothes to get dirty'. We did some activities and they were fun, but then we all went for dinner. Before anyone started eating one of the group leaders said that we should all pray. I'm not religious and there was indication this was a religious group, so I was a bit confused. The group leader said we should say thanks to 'the gods' for bringing us all together. I thought this was weird but assumed he was just being inclusive of everyone's religions. Later that night we all went to bed, whilst we were in bed another group leader, let's call him Tod, came in and forced us all to stand up. We did, and he told us all off for sleeping in our boxers, he said that we should sleep in the tracksuits. We put our tracksuits on and as soon as he left we took them off again, it was summer after all. The next few days were pretty much the same, there were some fun activities but they were always shadowed by the group leaders acting weird and very strict. The boys and girls weren't allowed to talk to each other, when we went swimming we went in our tracksuits, we were really only allowed to talk during these activities. And every meal we had to pray, and the leaders always said things like 'the gods will show us the way to the end', and honestly I was getting really creeped out. We did exciting activities but we also had to some some more boring ones, like meditation, they also told us that if we wanted to stay after the five weeks we could stay, and we could invite our families to live with us. One evening I asked Bob if I could call home, just because I wanted to talk to my family, he said that my family was already told that I arrived safely and I'm happy. I tried to argue it but he was determined to not let me contact my family until the five weeks were up. I didn't know where they took my suitcase so I had no way of contacting them. That evening there was a campfire event, it was integrated with a group therapy session, I asked to use the bathroom in the main building and sneaked off. There was a small office that was empty and the lights were off, so I went in and used the phone to call my home phone. I told my mum what was happening and she said that they would come and get me straight away. In the back of the office was another room filled with suitcases, and a plastic box filled with phones. It took a while to find my phone but I stuck it in my pocket and then tried to look for my suitcase. Whilst I was looking Tod walked into the office and caught me. He practically dragged me out and sat me down in the hallway, yelling at me for disobeying the rules. He said I was trying to get to my clothes, and it was a sin to be proud, or something. He took me back to the group and told the other group leaders in front of everyone else, the group leaders were then angry at everyone and started going over the rules. We were all sent to bed without dinner. In bed I was on my phone, texting my dad who said they were arriving now. I made sure the other boys didn't see I had my phone. Eventually my dad text me saying something like 'we are outside come now' so I pretty much jumped out of bed and ran out as fast as I could, past the group leaders who tried to stop me from running out the building. Down the dirt road to my mums car at the edge of the campsite, the leaders chasing me, my dad got out the car and locked me in the car with my mum, the group leaders were saying that I wasn't allowed to leave, that my parents signed a contract saying I can't leave until the five weeks are up. My dad refused and they tried to open the doors to get me out. Somehow my dad got back into the car and the doors were locked before they could get me out, and my parents drove me home. At home I told my parents everything, the next morning Tod and some other group leaders were at my front door. My dad told them to go away as they still tried to get me to come back to the camp, but they wouldn't leave without me. My dad called the police and the police escorted them away. We couldn't see them, but we knew they were watching. I pretty much didn't leave the house for the rest of the summer, and I was constantly peering out of my window. When college started again I left the house on my own for the first time to go get the bus, and as I walked down the road I could hear Tod and the others calling after me. I tried to run but there were around ten of them, they surrounded me on the street. A few people from their houses heard the commotion and I yelled out for them to call the police. A few men came out and a fight started, I managed to run back to my house and lock myself in. The group leaders were arrested, but the next week a new group would show up in my area. Eventually we moved house, I stopped going to college and we had to start a whole new life. We don't live in witness protection, but we use fake identities to stop them from finding us. My parents were in contact with the college and the police. The college stopped funding the group and the police told us that they would start an investigation, and that Tod had killed himself whilst on bail. I don't know much more than that, but I hope that everyone in the group are safe. TL;DR I escaped from a religious cult and they chased my family out of our home. &#x200B; **Comments:** [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/5qup7f/i_was_in_a_cult/dd3jpoe/?context=3) We gave the police all the information we could, then agreed to have no part in the further investigation or any of the potential trails. I have no idea what has happened since the police investigation started, but hopefully it was taken down and the kids were okay. &#x200B; *One user suggests OOP get a gun.* [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/5qup7f/i_was_in_a_cult/dd3jy98/?context=3) Thanks for the support. Although I don't think we need to own a gun, it seems a bit excessive, besides I don't think I can even get one in this country. &#x200B; babyfeet1: "my mum" "moved house" This is not in America. England? Australia? NZ? [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/5qup7f/i_was_in_a_cult/dd3jqzo/?context=3) I didn't want to give away my location, but you're on the right track. &#x200B; [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/5qup7f/i_was_in_a_cult/dd3jw0r/?context=3) Despite it being one of the scariest moments in my life, I think it did help my depression in one sense. It made me forget about the petty problems I had and realise there were worse things that could happen. Since we moved I feel a lot better mentally, and the support from my family has really helped. &#x200B; \[[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/5qup7f/i_was_in_a_cult/dd3jl5m/?context=3)\] I never intended for this to be a potential way of exposing the group, and I didn't expect it to have such a huge and supportive reaction. As some of you have some questions I'd like to answer them, but still I wish to remain anonymous and not give away too much information. * In response to all the questions about my phone, I didn't think it was worth mentioning that I turned it off before I handed it over. * I haven't heard from any of the teenagers in the group since I left, and I haven't heard from the leaders since we moved house. There was an investigation a few years ago and I don't know what has happened to the group. * Some of you have guessed my country, but still I don't want to give away too much information about where I live. * The reason I won't expose the group is because it would be interfering with the police investigation, if it's still ongoing, and it would bring more attention to myself. * When I said we changed identity, I mean we unofficially have started using a new surname, only our closest relatives know this. We didn't take out a restraining order because it would only lead to court cases and a potential threat to our family. As explained above, a group of the leaders were arrested and charged with harassment, however more people turned up soon after. I am scared of even Googling the group name, as I know that if they tracked me down it wouldn't end well. I hope you all understand the position I'm in and know that for my family and my own protection, I can't give more than that. I also wanted to say thanks for all the supportive messages, you guys really are the greatest community. Maybe one day there will be a complete resolution to this and I'll be able to tell the full story to you all. &#x200B; OOP's final [comment](https://www.rareddit.com/r/confession/comments/5qup7f/i_was_in_a_cult/ddayh5z/?context=3#t1_ddayh5z) on the post: This is not true. I was part of a therapy group that specialises in helping teenagers with mental health problems. It was not a cult. Since then I have decided to rejoin the group. I will answer no further questions on this matter. &#x200B; &#x200B; *Note: It was at this point that many folks began to speculate. OOP's story was theorized about across other platforms, such as Nexpo's* [*video*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Roy8XciLmsg&ab_channel=Nexpo) *on YouTube (May 31, 2019). Readers and viewers speculated about which group OOP could have been referring to. Some believed it to be fake. Many called attention to that last comment of OOP's, suggesting that the cult had found OOP and forcibly taken him into their group, thus wishing to erase all evidence of anything afoul. Adding to this is OOP's post on* r/help *asking how to delete a posted message. The mystery was left inconclusive for several years until, finally,* u/throwaway181718 *posted one last time.* &#x200B; &#x200B; **Final update** (a selfpost) - February 01, 2023 (six years later): &#x200B; [Closed](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway181718/comments/10r87my/closed/) Hi, I think it's time for things to finally come to light. For the people that are still following this story, this will be my last post. Strap in because it's a long one. Back in 2011 I was studying at college in the UK, like a lot of teens I was struggling with my mental health and I'm lucky that my college had a good support network in place for people like me. My college offered me private therapy and got in contact with my doctor to arrange medication, they really helped me. One day during a private therapy session I was told about a group that works with college students with mental health problems and was invited to attend a meeting to see what they do. There were about twenty students listening to these two men talking about an exciting opportunity for us, where they would take us to a camp where we could do adventurous things such as rock climbing and archery. But the main goal was to help us learn more about our mental health, and through group sessions eventually work through our problems. I signed up. I gave them my contact details, but they said they would need parental permission before I go. I didn't realise that they would show up at my house that evening, I hadn't even had a chance to tell my parents about it. The two men were very persuasive and made the trip sound very enticing to me, but my parents had their doubts. My mum was very suspicious about them showing up to our house unannounced and the long contract they brought with them. My parents refused to let me go, saying 'it sounds like a cult' and escorted the men out. And that was it. I had nothing more to do with them. I have no idea what happened at that group, but I doubt it was a cult. In fact it was probably a charity funded group that had genuine and selfless intentions, but I understand my parents skepticism. I don't know anyone who went to the camp and I can't remember the name of the organisation, and I continued with my private therapy. Fast forward a few years and I'm sitting at my desk at my very first office job, bored mindless and listening to a podcast series about creepy stuff that's happened around the world. One of the episodes was about Heavens Gate, a famously tragic cult, where the founders sought out people who were marginalised, lost, and had mental health issues to join their group. The story triggered some creativity inside me and lead me to r/confessions. The story didn't take me long, I was just letting the creative juices flow as my co-workers looked on, probably thinking I was working on something really important. But yes, the truth is that it was just a spooky story with far too many inconsistencies. This wasn't the first fictional story I posted on Reddit. I found a lot of enjoyment writing weird posts and watching the commenters try to decipher it. One of my personal favourites was a story from the perspective of an American lady convinced that her vegan neighbours were witches. None of these posts gained a lot of attention, and I didn't mind, I just enjoyed the writing. About a week after the original post, I was watching a YouTube video about Reddit mysteries, this obviously inspired me to ignore my work and try to flesh out this cult story. The intention behind the 'creepy' update was that the cult leaders had somehow gained access to my account and were desperately trying to get rid of the evidence. I wasn't expecting this update to bring as much attention to my story as it did. Reading through all of these theories was really enjoyable for me, even if half of the commenters knew it was fake. There were a few people that seemed to really enjoy digging into the story, and it made me feel happy that I provided them with something they could try to figure out. A few more years later, one night, I got into bed and opened up YouTube on my phone. I can't explain the feeling of seeing my stupid story being the focus of one of my favourite YouTubers, Nightmare Expo. I was overwhelmed with joy that he had decided to use my story for one of his videos, the feeling was remarkable. With this video came a lot more attention and a lot more theories. My biggest regret is that I didn't make up a name for this 'cult' because I feel bad that negative attention was being put on random organisations because of this. I tried to be vague to avoid people pointing fingers of who could be behind the 'cult'. And that was pretty much the height of this story. A silly fictional story that I wrote at my desk instead of doing work. Throughout the years since Ive logged into this account and read through the direct messages and checked the new comments under Nexpo's video. I had a lot of fun reading all of your theories and have a lot of love for those who reached out in an effort to help this supposed troubled person. I understand a lot of people were annoyed because they could tell the story was fake, but I still hope that the people who took time to work together and investigate this story had some fun too. I've been part of online communities investigating some internet mysteries and it's where I've met some close friends. So that leads us up to now and why I've decided to close this story. The initial intention was to let it fade into nothingness like most other Reddit mysteries, but something changed. About a year ago I got some bad news from my doctor. Two months ago I was told that the treatment wasn't working. I haven't got long left. Since I was a teenager I've always had a fascination with all things spooky, this fascination has got me through some tough times, especially recently when I've needed distractions from the real world. Ive spent countless hours in hospitals and clinics investigating online mysteries and feeding my obsession of the weird and wonderful. I've also spent a lot of time reading through theories about my story and I'm happy that some of you found it interesting. But I couldn't take this with me to the grave. Along with letters for my family and friends, I had to leave one for you guys too. To the people at r/confessions and r/rbi , to Nightmare Expo and his fans, and to everyone who spent some time exploring this story, thank you. I hope you guys can keep internet mysteries alive, keep investigating and keep making these online communities going. Please remember to do what you enjoy doing, like I did, while you have the time. Love Throwaway181718 &#x200B; **I AM NOT OOP.**

OOP was in a cult.

CONCLUDED

Lapeocon

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151ont9/oop_was_in_a_cult/

151r0gm

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRagamemic4d **My bf keeps trying to initiate intimacy when his mic is on.** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14s59am/my_bf_keeps_trying_to_initiate_intimacy_when_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **July 6, 2023** So me (f21) and my bf (m22) have known each other for about two years and been dating for 6 months. Usually he is very sweet and considerate of me and my needs. We spend ample time together and he has never given any indication of crossing my boundaries or being disrespectful. But recently he’s begun doing something that I now find a bit weird. He has a gaming set up in the nook of his apartment where he plays with some people/friends online often. He doesn’t stream or anything but there is a camera on his monitor that I have never seen on, but isn’t covered by any tape. A couple of weeks ago I was over and he was gaming, which was fine. I made some sandwiches for us because usually he’d finish up within a few minutes. This time he took a bit longer than usual so I popped in and asked when he thought he’d be done. I admit I did sit in his lap, but he took the opportunity to initiate some touching. One thing led to another and we ended up being intimate. I went along with it, but moved to unplug his headset and he didn’t protest. That was that and we spent the day together like normal. But then it happened again about a week later. He began maneuvering me into his lap during a game, even being verbal with the mic on. Obviously this made me uncomfortable, so I asked him to turn it off as well as the game—he played it off like he forgot the mic was on, but I’m not so sure. Incidents like that have happened two more times —both times i declined before it got too far— but I’m wondering if something weird is going on. I got a bit paranoid and checked his monitor but the camera was still off. I asked him to put some tape over the camera and he got a little defensive asking if I thought he was a pervert or something. He wouldn’t let it go even after I explained some concerns with people hacking cameras and his mic being on. He shrugged and basically told me that it’s not a big deal if people hear us, people do it all the time. I was in complete disbelief about that and upset that he didn’t see the issue. That statement all but confirmed he was doing it on purpose, but he maintains that turning off the mic slipped his mind. So am I overreacting ? Is there something going on that I’m not seeing or is it most likely nothing. I’m scared to ask my friends about it and similar experiences because it’s a bit embarrassing, and this is my first serious bf. Every time I try to have a conversation about it he manages to make me feel like I’m making things weirder/bigger than they are. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14vnzc7/update_my_bf_keeps_trying_to_initiate_intimacy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 10, 2023** So I forgot to post an update because I was busy with school, but here it is. I don’t know if anyone is still paying attention to this post or wants an update at all but here it is. Link to the original post: Original ​ So after the influx of messages warning me about some nefarious spyware or hidden cameras in his home, I took it upon myself to check out my bf’s computer—when he wasn’t home. He doesn’t have a password, but I also don’t ever go on his Pc so I feel he didn’t take any preventative measures against snooping. I do feel bad about it, but all the messages gave me horrific anxiety, and he refused multiple attempts at a mature conversation. So I looked through folders, programs, and browser history and no I did not find any secret OnlyFans or creep shots of me. What I did find was small archive of XXX “gamer videos”. I don’t know exactly how to feel about it, but the video titles included things like “xx under the desk.” “Support under the desk” “gamer leaves camera on”. I felt immediately violated and alarmed. It seemed like he’d intended to recreate the videos with me, but I have no idea how far he’d been willing to take it. I continued searching and stumbled upon an old 4chan account— I had no idea he had. He doesn’t even use Reddit. The account only had posts dating back to around 7-8 years ago, but some recent saved threads made my stomach twist. One of the threads went into detail about how they’d coerced their partner into “performing” on the mic for their gaming buddies. The thread was extremely explicit/graphic and humiliating. There were other threads following a similar vein, but I couldn’t stomach reading them. I grabbed all my things and quickly left. I blocked my bf’s number and hadn’t spoken to him since. The thought of his voice made me feel Ill and I honestly felt unsafe being in that appt and near his computer. I called my sister and she came back to the appt to stay with me, once I told her everything. I assume he started spamming me all day once I didn’t respond to his messages in the afternoon, because he showed up at my place toward the end of the night. My sister blocked him at the door and wouldn’t let him see me. I simply curled up in bed and hid under the covers to block it all out. She called him a weirdo and a pervert, and I suppose he caught on because he started trying to explain from the doorway. My sister cut him off and he only ended up leaving once she threatened to call the police on him. He didn’t try to come back again, but I kept him blocked for the next few days. He eventually managed to get through on a burner account. He questioned me and asked me why I was doing this. I explained, listing out everything i’d found on his computer and sending screenshots. How he’d lied, gaslighted me, and attempted to use me without my explicit consent. There was radio silence on the other end until apologies started rolling in, begging me to give him another chance and let him explain. I denied and told him to give me time to think, then I blocked that account as well. That was a couple of days ago, and My head is honestly so scrambled. I have no idea what to think. I feel betrayed and violated on a cellular level, if the thought of humiliating me gives him any pleasure at all. The thought of stepping back into that apartment makes my skin crawl, and I have no clue if I even want to have a sit down with him or just be done with it all. Edit: I feel that I need to clarify because there is some confusion. I do not know exactly how 4chan works, though this website had exclusively 4chan content, I did not spend very long in the 'forum'--if that was what it was. Please do not attack me in the comments for my slip up. My focus was on typing this for anyone who took the time to give me advice. In the hopes that it would help clear my head. ​**THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My bf keeps trying to initiate intimacy when his mic is on.

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151r0gm/my_bf_keeps_trying_to_initiate_intimacy_when_his/

151r0q1

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/BigOlNopeeee. She posted in r/legaladvice and r/workingmoms. **Trigger Warning:** >!abuse; workplace mistreatment; breastfeeding discrimination!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!wtf?? bleak and frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/14hegur/i_think_i_was_threatened_at_work_and_am_being/)**: June 23, 2023** Title: I think I was threatened at work, and am being retaliated against for speaking up about dirty lactation conditions I spoke up about the place where I’m being asked to pump milk, it’s literally the janitor’s closet—beyond filthy, nowhere to sit, and random chemicals and dirt everywhere. There’s a small utility sink that often has standing water and is clogged with what can be best described as, debris picked up by a mop. Nobody would eat in there so it makes zero sense why anyone would think it’s ok to handle a baby’s food in there. I thought I was pretty polite about voicing my concerns to the appropriate party (my manager), and proposed a solution of either dedicating an exam room to this purpose or allowing me to coordinate a time to use the director’s office (the only non-shared space that’s not also used as a patient care area). Sooo… my manager told the interim director about this, and she… apparently took this as a personal attack? She called me into her office to speak, I assumed she’s wanting to work something out, right? She immediately WENT OFF saying that I “knew what the space we have here is” and that “I shouldn’t have come to work here if it couldn’t meet my needs”. She added skepticism that I was even using this time to pump milk, said it was disruptive to the organization, and said if I wanted to continue to have this time at all she need “medical forms filled out by my doctor saying it’s necessary.” She went on to say that there would be no further accommodations made for me, she wouldn’t be manipulated, and if I didn’t like that, “too bad.” She then proceed to stare at me in silence until I got up and left. Today, after a few emails exchanges in which I documented everything all the way down to feeling intimidated by her staring at me, I was given a job assignment of manual labour. It’s not in my job description as a psychotherapist, and no one else was given the assignment, but they told me I need to cancel my schedule on Monday and move boxes of client files from the basement to be shredded. A paper thin reason of “they needed help” was given along with they wanted a clinician to do it for HIPAA reasons. I’m unclear what I should do here, and if I’m able to decline this assignment. I have back problems from my recent pregnancy and shouldn’t be lifting things. I already filed a Maryland Civil Rights complaint. Location - Maryland **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/14mngz8/update_i_think_i_was_threatened_at_work_today/)**: June 29, 2023 (6 days later)** Title: I think I was threatened at work today After speaking up about the gross conditions of the janitor’s closet I was being made to pump in, I started pumping in other places, including the director’s office on the days she WFH. I was confronted and told that I was not allowed to pump anywhere but the janitor’s closet. After I was told that, as soon as I came back into the office the next day, the janitor’s closet was mysteriously locked and the office manager and director said they didn’t have keys. I ended up pumping in the bathroom yesterday and washing my pump parts in the bathroom sink—they literally locked up every space except for the coworking spaces and the lobby, which were all full of people. Today, the janitor’s closet was open, the custodian got it open, but it was in use by cleaning people from 9am-12pm. I needed to take a meeting with my boss at 12pm (who has begun deliberately trying to force me to take meetings during my scheduled pump time) and was told that I could pump after. So the meeting is over a little after 1pm, and then I was also told that I actually couldn’t use the closet from until 3pm because the locksmith was coming to fix the door. I was expected to pump in my car (which is awful for multiple reasons, not least of which are that it’s 90 degrees outside and idling in a 13y/o car for 30min sounds unwise). So I said ok, but inside I’m like “nah, screw that” and I’m not pumping in that bathroom again either. I decided I would just try to hold it in until 3pm. After all of this absolute worthless nonsense, I hadn’t pumped in \~7hrs. I was very uncomfortable (my baby doesn’t sleep through the night so this was the longest I’ve ever gone). I started leaking milk everywhere. I randomly caught a full let down that soaked my bra, shirt, and was actually visibly dripping droplets of milk outside of my shirt (I have a big chest, so it sticks out a lot). Obviously I panicked and ran out, I ran past the the executive director who sees milk all over my shirt and gives me a dirty look/smirk but doesn’t say anything. I message my boss that I’m going home to pump and that I leaked milk everywhere, and she starts gaslighting me that she feels so bad, and who said this/who made you skip your pump breaks, telling me that I should have communicated. I went to scroll back in the messages, confused as to why she would say that and she deleted the Slack messages saying that I shouldn’t use the closet and I would pump in my car. Then she was trying to gaslight me that that didn’t happen, but I had already screenshot the Slack messages. I just responded that I was taking my pumping break and cleaning the milk that got everywhere but would circle back… I don’t even know what to do now. What the ever-loving fuck. I already consulted with an attorney a few days ago, and will definitely email him about this. I told them I’m not going into work tomorrow, after they seemed surprised pikachu that I didn’t go home today and immediately get back online. Like, no ma’am, sorry about your spreadsheet but that was actually really humiliating and I needed to cry. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/14w2t24/guys_im_having_the_worst_day_of_my_life/) **2: July 10, 2023 (11 days from previous post)** Title: Guys I’m having the worst day of my life Edit- (Spoiler) If anyone has leads on a full of part time WFH job, I have an MSW (LCSW) and BS in physics. I come with lovely recommendations, and extensive experience in healthcare and program management. Open to exploring anything! I got fired in a public spectacle from my second job today at 10am sharp after a hellacious saga of them giving me a hard time about needing to pump milk for my baby. I got laid off from my first/primary job at 12pm today due to change in telehealth laws that suddenly make the job I was hired for impossible for me to do. I’m waiting to hear from my union rep about severance. What happened at around 12:30pm, you may ask? I was called and asked to go pick up my mom from jail in a neighbouring state. So I spent two hours in the car doing that. During this time, my son had the blowout of his life, so bad that I washed him off in the sink of a Taco Bell (please don’t judge, I used a whole pack of wipes and I was SO desperate). Then my mom gets in the car and she proceeds to yell at me and verbally abuse me in front of my son, before backhanding me across the face. I’ve never been fired, let alone fired twice in one day. I am shaking. SHAKING ***Relevant Comments:*** *About mom:* "Ugh. It’s unfortunate because I’m low key financially dependent on her, a lot of times I feel grimey thinking about how I’ve weathered a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse just for money, but… it’s a lot of money. I’m worried now because I suddenly don’t know if I’ll be able to continue to do the things that I do to be able to have that money, because I’m realising I don’t want to traumatise my son for money in the ways that I’ve subjected myself to. Seeing her do that in front of him flipped a switch. It feels very complicated right now. She hasn’t had too many run ins with the law that have ended up in arrest, but, sadly this is not a wildly unusual interaction with my mom. She’s very mentally ill and she’s struggled with addiction my whole life. When she’s sweet, she’s very sweet, when she’s caught a bad vibe, best stay out of striking distance." "Thank you for the validation, it is hard and painful and it makes me angry thinking about how she raised me to be codependent because she’s such an awful person, so unwilling to change and grow, that the only way she can keep me in her life is to keep me in this prison of sorts. I often think about how I’ll never truly be free until she’s dead, and how much it has cost me. Ultimately I try not to dwell on it because it all broils down to the fact that I never truly had a mother. That she, by her own admission, never wanted to be a mother and regrets her choice to have me, and that hurts something deep. I will never be this way to my son." *Plans for the future:* "It was honestly top 10 shittiest days of my life, I’ve had a pretty traumatic life by virtue of my mom being super mentally ill, but this was… bad bad bad. I will be engaging in nothing but self care for several days to heal from -gestures broadly- all of this. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster today, I’ve never been fired at all and just… having my income ripped away as a single mom is terrifying. I know I’ll be ok because I have savings and investments, and my mom is conveniently rich and will probably give me a bunch of money now out of guilt, as is tradition when she’s done something super out of line, but it’s just scary as all get out. I did feel odd relief as soon as I realised it was over, no withdrawal, just relief. I immediately threw all of my branded swag in the trash and told them they had until COB to take my pictures off their social media because they will be getting no free advertising from me. It does feel like a rollercoaster though, I’m just feeling so many things at once: anger, relief, desire for justice, peace, fear, literally everything. It’ll take a while to sort out but I’m going to give myself time and grace." *Lawyer?* "I do have a lawyer, I did a consult and will be following up and retaining services. I filed a state-level equivalent of an EEOC complaint just by myself, as I was told the state is much more responsive and will actually take action, so I’m looking forward to that." *One more thought from OOP:* "Thank you. I was really sad that my pumping journey ended this way, this whole experience has 95% dried me up and bubs is mostly formula fed now. I was a just-enough pumper and this did me in. It was so inhumane. I don’t even really feel motivated for the payout, I just don’t want them to get away with what they did to me. It was beyond inhumane. The situation where they denied me pump breaks/space until I started leaking? Yeah they wrote me up for leaving early because I was crying and soaked in milk. Just gaslit the hell out of me that I’m some lazy bum who just randomly got up and left, omitted the whole part where that was the single most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to me in a workplace and it was 100% something they intentionally caused. My last few days there, I was verbally abused and written up daily. Horrific." **Edit- I was asked to include this post as well!** **Giveaway** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/14y1ytq/giveaway_free_glasses/) **From OOP: July 12, 2023** Another wild post from your friend who just got fired (see previous posts). My official written termination notice was just given to me today, so I have a metric ton of FSA funds to spend by 12am EST tonight or they are given to my shitty, god awful, good for nothing, discriminatory as hell, employer. There’s only so many pairs of glasses I can put on one face and all of my loved ones either have perfect vision or wear contacts, so I am giving away 4 pairs of Warby Parker to four lovely internet strangers as thanks for the love this community has shown me. Would prefer to gift to single moms and/or moms with financial limits who would otherwise not be able to get new glasses. If interested, please comment and I will pick out winners sometime tonight Fine print: Must have had eye exam within the last year or know your prescription and be willing to send me your exam paper, name, and an address where you can receive mail (does not need to be your home, not trying to make it weird), and pick out a pair of glasses on Warby Parker and send me the link. EDIT: OVERWHELMING RESPONSE, GLASSES HAVE BEEN ORDERED, I WISH I HAD A MILLION MORE PAIRS TO GIVE! NEVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED MYSELF STAYING UP LATE TO ORDER GLASSES FOR STRANGERS OUT OF SPITE BUT I’M SO GLAD THIS HAPPENED💖💖💖

I think I was threatened at work, and am being retaliated against for speaking up about dirty lactation conditions

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151r0q1/i_think_i_was_threatened_at_work_and_am_being/

151rik3

**I'm think I'm going to have to end things with the man I love because I don't want kids** **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SeaCan5697 **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14q0f5r/im_think_im_going_to_have_to_end_things_with_the/) **July 3, 2023** _This might be long cause I'm overwhelmed and can ramble so I added a TLDR at the bottom. I'm sorry!_ My (30f) boyfriend (34m) and I have been together for the last four years. Our first date was basically our whole life stories and just talking about everything and anything whether it be deep or not. I would say most of our relationship has been this way. Even when we fight (which has maybe happened a couple of times), we will take a break & regroup once emotions settle. When we disagree, we talk it through. He looks at me like I'm the most beautiful person he's ever seen. He constantly tells me how lucky he is to have me and how I deserve the world. We both love to cook/clean for the other person so we always have different games set up and the loser gets to relax while the winner gets to pamper the loser. I know it sounds weird but it works for us. I love this man so much and I know he loves me just as much. Now here's the problem: A couple months into us dating kids got brought up. Communication is super important to me (and him) so I told him I didn't want kids. He thought I was joking because all my friends/siblings have kids at this point and I'm the fun tia (auntie). I even put together parties for the kids and fun "themed" days when I'm having one on one time with them. I do love kids. But I don't want any of my own. I explained that and he said "well maybe you haven't met the right guy". I had to sit him down and explain that while I do believe people can change, he cannot be with me expecting my opinion about kids to change. He needs to take my not wanting kids at face value instead of hoping that I will change my mind because what if I don't change my mind? I asked him to think it through for a week or two and then we can circle back to the topic because at this point we are thinking about being official. But if kids were that important to him, then we needed to stop now before it gets much harder down the line. He told me later that kids are not that important to him and that he can see a future without kids in it. Fast forward to a month ago: His parents and some extended family were visiting for my boyfriend's brother's wedding (we are in the US and his family is from eastern Europe). I've always gotten along with his parents & his brother + brother's now wife. His parents will visit a couple times a year and have always been so kind/thoughtful. At the wedding reception, I was being introduced to all of the family. Eventually someone asked when my boyfriend and I were getting married and my boyfriend just winked at the question because he knew I already knew that he was planning to propose soon. He just asked way too many ring related questions since he knows I hate diamonds but wasn't sure the direction he should go in since I barely wear rings (he could propose to me with a ring pop for all I care). Later at one point, one of his cousins asked how I would feel about my future kid learning their native language to which I responded "oh I don't want kids but I'm actually learning the language myself". There were a few members of the family around including my boyfriend's parents (no boyfriend though) and they all gave me the "what the hell are you saying" look. I didn't understand why I was getting that look so I just awkwardly laughed and asked everyone not to tell my boyfriend I was learning the language because I wanted to surprise him (I thought it would be cute to respond to his proposal in his native language). I went looking for my boyfriend and found his brother & the bride instead. We were talking and eventually I asked "hey is it weird in your culture to not have kids? cause I got weird looks from your parents when I said I don't want kids". His brother proceeds to tell me that it's not weird but that my boyfriend has always wanted to have kids so it probably shocked their parents to hear that I didn't want kids. Apparently my boyfriend always wanted at least three kids and he had always been super excited about the idea of having kids. I think his brother noticed the look on my face and backtracked a bit saying something like "wait fuck it's not a big deal! he changed his mind because he loves you more than the idea of having kids". On the ride back home with my boyfriend, I asked my boyfriend if he really is okay about not having kids. He sighed cause apparently he had heard from his parents about what I said. He apologized about it and said that he did stop talking about kids since we have been together but that his parents always assumed we would have kids. He also sometimes wonders if I will change my mind but he doesn't think I ever will. He said that when we talked about this while we were dating, he could imagine a future without kids because he couldn't imagine a future without me. It's been a month since the wedding. But I've started to notice little things with my boyfriend. A lot of our friends have kids and I am always letting my friends know that they can bring their kids over instead of having to find a babysitter. I've noticed that my boyfriend looks slightly envious when he sees our friends interact with their kids. Or sometimes I see him look slightly dejected when he sees a family with a bunch of kids. Maybe this is in my head now that I know that he's always wanted to be a dad until he met me. Maybe it's not in my head. I truly want him to be happy but I know I don't want to be a mom. I wish I felt different and I wish I could compromise this for him but I would never want to bring kids into this world knowing I don't want them. That's not fair to the kid. And if him being happy means he finds someone else to have kids with, I will have to live with that. He knows something is wrong cause he said I feel far away lately. I think he knows why. I know I have to sit down with him and fully talk this out. Part of me feels like this conversation will lead to us breaking up because he really truly does want kids. I'm also worried that if he stays with me, he might resent me for not wanting kids like him. I just feel terrible. ​ _TLDR: When my boyfriend and I started dating, I told him I didn't want kids and he said he was okay with it. Four years later, I found out that he's always wanted to be a dad from his family and now I'm thinking that I can't truly make him happy wanting to live a childfree live. So I need to have a conversation and I'm feeling terrible because there is a good chance that we might break up over this._ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14w2qlv/update_im_think_im_going_to_have_to_end_things/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 10, 2023** Two days after my original post, my boyfriend and I sat down to talk finally. As I suspected, he knew exactly what had been bugging me but he didn't want to push me to have the conversation before I was ready. He started it off with why he is okay with not having kids. He grew up with his parents and brother. He saw the joy that his parents got from raising the two of them but he also saw how unhappy they were in their marriage. Yes, they are still together but they are more like co-parents/roommates than an actual couple. My boyfriend was very cynical when it came to relationships growing up because he felt like he never saw enough happy couples. His parents weren't happy. His friends were in and out of relationships. He was in and out of relationships. In his head, kids would bring him & his partner happiness and purpose in a relationship. Yes, he admitted to the absolute insanity that was his thinking but when we started dating, he realized this and started going to therapy to help him work these feelings out (he's been in therapy ever since). He said when he met me, I changed everything for him and that he knew on our second date that he was going to marry me. So when months later I mentioned I didn't want kids, he was disappointed but the main reason was because the idea of having little versions of me running around was something he had thought about for the months we were dating. And yes he meant it when he said that he could see a future without kids but couldn't see a future without me. It's why he had been super supportive about me looking into surgeries to prevent kids being a possibility for me. It's why he never even brings up the possibility of either one of us changing our minds. I asked if he was jealous of our friends with kids and he laughed. He said that when he sees a family or sees our friends with their kids, he can see that the relationship between a parent and child is special but the freedom that we have in our relationship along with the extra funds we have for ourselves far outweigh his past feelings about being a dad. He said that I was his family and if I didn't want to increase the size of our family that he has no problems with that because he's already so happy. He finally found the love of his life (which he never thought would happen) so he doesn't want to mess with something that is perfect. He just never brought it up with his family and was slightly concerned that they would try to pressure us (kids are a big thing in his family). His brother already knew and obviously had no problems with it. He said he had a talk with his parents and the relatives he was closest to about it. His parents are not exactly happy but my boyfriend admitted to me that he lied to them and said he was the one who didn't want kids first. He just wasn't sure what their reaction would be and didn't want me to deal with any negative backlash. He said if I ever feel pressured about anything ever (whether it be by him or his family or even my family) to let him know because we are partners & we work through these things together. He isn't afraid of going NC with anyone who makes a big deal about something that isn't any of their business. I told him that my main concern was that he was putting my happiness over his because he has a tendency to do that with people he loves. And I didn't want him to regret anything later down the line. He said he understood my concern but that he swore up and down that these four years have been the happiest of his life. And the fact that I was so stressed about whether he was happy or not is further proof that we are meant for each other because I also have a tendency to put his happiness over my own lol He then proposed to me with the original ring he bought the first year we were together. I didn't even know he had bought a ring before. He said he would've done it that first year but I had made a comment that I wanted to wait at least three years before getting engaged & now he is making significantly more money so he has been looking to go all out on a new ring. But I really love the ring he originally bought. It isn't big or flashy but it is a very unique design that is subtle & beautiful. The color is also the same color as my boyfriend's eyes and I'm always gushing about them (he has the kindest eyes). So I told him there's no point in looking for another ring because this one was already perfect. TLDR: Boyfriend assured me that he is happy not having kids and loves me. So we didn't break up and we are now engaged. Thanks to everyone who reached out and all the advice! This community really helped! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I'm think I'm going to have to end things with the man I love because I don't want kids

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151rik3/im_think_im_going_to_have_to_end_things_with_the/

151t8iu

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/marifleur **in** r/JUSTNOMIL trigger warnings: >!child death!< mood spoilers: >!angry, sad, lack of closure!<   [**MIL stole my sons ashes**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/hiyk49/mil_stole_my_sons_ashes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Wed, July 01, 2020 My son died just over a year ago when he was 7 and it's been hard on everyone in the family, obvs. MIL was pretty close with him, she babysat him for me while I worked, until he died.. I felt more comfortable leaving him with her as she was a nurse (he was born at 24weeks and had cerebral palsy & was generally medically fragile). MIL and I aren't too close, at first she didn't like me but seemed to warm up once SO and I had kids. She still babysits for us when needed, which is less often these days. We had my son cremated. When he was cremated my MIL suggested that we get a few smaller urns and split up the ashes so we can all have an urn (us, ILs and my parents). Obviously that did NOT go down well with me and I said no. She seemed to admit it was a bad idea and didn't mention it again. For mothers day this year we planned on getting MIL and my Mom a necklace with some of his ashes in, which she knew about as she'd been asking for one. We were up for it (I fancied one myself so was going to get us all one) but with COVID and everything, we never got around to doing it, which she seemed pretty irritated by at the time but never mentioned it again and thanked us for the other gift we sent her. A few days ago she babysat my daughter at my house. Today I was cleaning and while I was cleaning the shelf that we have for our son for some of his things (pictures, trophies from baseball, ornaments etc), I noticed his urn was gone. Naturally I freaked out, asked my daughter if she'd moved it even though she can't reach. It has NEVER Been moved in the time it's been there. SO also had no clue & was as worried as me. MIL is the only other person that has been in the house so I called her. She owned up to it right away and explained she took them so she can 'spend some time with him'!??? and get the ashes sent off for her gift because she was disheartened that I didn't get it sorted in time for MD. She hid the urn in her bag so I wouldn't notice, and took it home. I told her she was completely out of order and demanded she bring the ashes back as I did not give her permission to STEAL HIS ASHES from his house and his family, but she said as his Grandma she has every right to 'have him for a while'. Fuck. that. Even if she'd asked I probably would have said no but I'm in complete shock that she would just TAKE him like that?!? She says she will bring his urn back tomorrow and told me not to be angry about it because what's done is done but every time I think about it I get so angry. I'm not being completely OTT to think that's fucked up, am I?? I'm so worried now that she won't even bring him back. &#x200B; **Updates In The Comments** [**1 Hour Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/hiyk49/comment/fwj8osd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Thank you for all the responses. I’ve read them all and read them to my SO too. He’s not good with confrontation but I think he understands now that it’s necessary. He is as angry but seems to have a lot of faith in her and doesn’t think she’ll do anything to them but I’m genuinely so worried that she will I told him either I’m going and I WILL get him back tonight or he is going and WILL get him tonight. Or I’ll call the police tonight. I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t have him tonight. He doesn’t want to call the police as he doesn’t want to cause more drama (which is eye roll worthy to me as she instigated any drama herself) so is going to get them tonight and will tell her that if she comes around uninvited we’ll call the police. I think he’s giving her too much credit. And I don’t think he’ll be as stern on her as he needs to be. She clearly sees no issue with any of this so even he gets them back I might press charges anyway. After reading all the comments I think I’m under reacting, it’s hard to gauge sometimes as I’m so sensitive to anything when it comes to my son. &#x200B; [**The Next Morning**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/hiyk49/comment/fwl2sq4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Hi all, sorry it took me so long to respond and update. Hubby got him back last night. I will add that I did also want to go but LO was asleep, and SO wanted to deal with his Mom so I just let him and told him to call me to talk to her if she gets pissy. He says he told her to hand the urn over or he'll call the police, to which she rolled her eyes and said one night wouldn't make any difference, but she handed the urn back to my husband. When he told her that I wanted to file a police report she apparently kicked off and got defensive and said I was just being ridiculous, no crime had been committed and the police won't care about some ashes when they have more important things to worry about. SO was pretty shocked by how flippantly she spoke about it all (I think maybe he thought I was exaggerating how much of an asshole she was being about it) so now agrees that we should file a police report so we plan to. I'm not sure yet if I want to press charges but I agree with the comments about filing a police report if nothing else. Oh, he also told her that if she comes over uninvited we will call the police as she is not allowed in our home. At least while we try to deal with what she did, and she won't be around our daughter until that happens, if it does. Personally I don't trust her anymore. I don't know if she tampered with the ashes. The urn opens easily and the ashes are in a bag but it's only tied shut with an elastic band so she could've taken some. It doesn't look like there's much taken though if she has because the contents look the same from what I remember (it has been about 10 months since I last saw them though. I don't look.) Maybe I'm just exhausted about the whole thing and sad but I don't care about that right now. I will eventually. I do know that if I see her with a necklace that resembles the one she wanted I'll rage at the bitch but right now I'm just sad and tired. I don't even want his ashes, I want him. They're not one and the same. I want to blast her on social media and make sure all her friends see it and know what she did but I don't know if that's just petty and it could impact the outcome should I decide to press charges. Would it? I don't want her to think she's gotten away with it even if we don't press charges. And a part of me thinks she'll post on social media (she's an avid user) before I do and give some warped story that isn't true and makes me look like the asshole. So I want to give my side first but if it could end badly I'm not sure it's worth it   [**MIL and my sons ashes Update - We got a delivery today**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/hrr9xo/mil_and_my_sons_ashes_update_we_got_a_delivery/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Wed, July 15, 2020 This one might be full of typos as I'm posting this quick as I've got a sick kid. So we've been fortunate enough that MIL seems to have gotten the message and hasn't contacted us since SO went to her place to get the ashes back. My SO spoke with his Dad (FIL) who said that she claimed she's giving us the space we need and seems to think we'll get over it eventually but I think I'm even more angry at her now I've had the time to be less upset by it, now I'm just pissed. This morning we had a delivery, addressed to me - didn't know what it could be, not ordered anything at all recently but figured I ordered something in my sleep deprived state at 3am. Wouldn't be the first time. But no, it was a box with a little black fabric bag and inside was a locket, that has ashes in. Connecting the dots it was pretty clear straight away who the ashes belonged to and who the locket came from. I don't know what she was thinking. I knew it was likely she'd taken some but sending me this just feels like a complete slap in the face. It's probably her poor attempt to apologise? But it feels so wrong and weird getting a part of my son as a 'gift' from my MIL who took him the way she did. It's not even a nice locket. She knew what type of jewelry I was looking at and this is... the opposite of it. It's big and bulky and has the words 'together forever' in what looks like comic sans (which is already fading off). It's not my style at all and it looks cheap. I know exactly what type of necklace she wanted made and I just know she'll be getting the one she wants made and this is probably some kind of attempt to justify that. I don't mean to be ungrateful but considering how she got the ashes I just... can't be grateful for it. SO thinks we should just ignore it and do nothing. Put the ashes back with the rest and toss the locket. I want to put the ashes back and then put the darn locket in her mailbox, personally. We won't have to see her but we'd be sending the message. It just makes me angry that she's treating him and his ashes like some kind of bargaining chip in what I assume is an attempt to make up for what she did.   ***Comment from OOP*** We did file a police report - we did it the day after just as I said I would. No, we didn't press charges. When we filed a report I was just sad and didn't really want to have to deal with it. We probably should've done. But we had the ashes back by then so I just didn't see the use and maybe that was dumb, but whatever. Whats done is done. We figured we'd give her the chance and see what happens and until now she has kept away. We have a case number so I'll see about adding this to it too so we can keep the trial up to date   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

MIL stole my sons ashes

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151t8iu/mil_stole_my_sons_ashes/

151zu10

**I am NOT OOP. Original post by** u/Kihakiru **in** r/lostarkgame trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!wholesome!<   [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/lostarkgame/comments/14tkiol/would_anyone_be_willing_to_help_my_mom_go_through/) \- July 7, 2023 Hello, so I don't actually play anymore. I stopped on launch, because I don't have time to invest in an MMO anymore unfortunately, but my mom LOVES lostark. She is sad because she can't go to the new worlds (?) since she hasn't gone through the raid. 😔 I told her I'd make a post and see if anyone is willing to help her out? 🥺 She loves this game, and I'd hate for her to quit because of this, and obviously I can't help her because I don't play. I don't know how difficult the raid is since I haven't played, but she is disabled, so she has a special mouse she plays with that has all of her buttons on there, and she does really well! (obviously, she got this far alone) I would just hate if someone tried to get mad at her during the raid lol (My experience with people in MMOs usually wasn't good if I didn't already have a team for raids). If anyone could help, or point me to a discord where you might think someone could help, please reach out! NA west ENVISKA   **RELEVANT COMMENTS** hijklm7 >Region and server?!  OOP replied >NA west ENVISKA hijklm7 >I’m in NA West - any other redditors in the same region want to help her out with me?! (I have 1583 SS) - can even help her do normal Kaya > >Can you tell us which raids she needs help with? OOP replied >Thank you! I can also DM you her discord if you're okay with that. > >She said she needs help with the Abyssal Dungeon but she needs to increase her ilvl from 1370. > >She can also tell you more about it too haha hijklm7 >Yes DM me her disc. I will msg her &#x200B; **Update** \[same post\] - July 8, 2023 u/hijklm7 was nice enough to help her with everything! My mom has been texting me, and I just know he really made her night <3 So seriously, thank you! [https://i.imgur.com/3Ws0xQj.png](https://i.imgur.com/3Ws0xQj.png) *\[Screenshot of an exchange on WhatsApp from Friday, July 7 with the following text message, presumably from the mother: "One of the guys that responded to was cool af!! He ran me thru all the dungeons I needed and the raids." - OOP replies: "Damn! That's sick as fuckkkk. I'm so glad ❤️"\]* Thanks everyone for offering help! &#x200B; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** hijklm7 >[Screenshot](https://preview.redd.it/ha5ijmlv1nab1.png?width=1241&format=png&auto=webp&s=086ece803a1cf7c272c9d5f6a62e508ba933d5c6) > >*\[Screenshot from the game 'Lost Ark' with two ingame characters celebrating victory for clearing the 'Abyss Raid' with the boss 'Argos'\]* > >We did Oreha HMs and Argos together, walked her through crafting her armor to ensure she has enough tokens. She's aiming for Rowen next and really excited for Elgacia!! I ran her through a couple of Yohos to get to know her a bit more. I live two blocks away from where she worked for twenty years!!! Such a small world, I had fun. OOP replied >Thank you so much! You are the coolest person, according to my mom. Judging by your character, she's right. 😂 I can't believe we live so close! > >Seriously though, you are amazing ❤️ and I can't thank you enough for making her so happy! 😊 > >I hope you have a great weekend 🥰 hijklm7 >She messaged me last night that she started Rowen! It was my pleasure to help out. <3 &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP asks a MMORPG community if anyone would be willing to help their mom through a raid

CONCLUDED

xaikra

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151zu10/oop_asks_a_mmorpg_community_if_anyone_would_be/

15203ka

**I am not OP. OP is** u/Throwaway1990405. **Posted on** r/offmychest ​ TW: >!cheating!< ​ Mood spoiler: >!Sad for OOP!< \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [I am very much jealous of my husband's ex-wife.](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13tdcpm/i_am_very_much_jealous_of_my_husbands_exwife/) \- 27 May 2023 I (40F) am very much jealous of my husband's (50M) ex. Our relationship started with an affair. I know it was wrong. Their marriage was on the rocks and my husband wanted to end it. When she (48F) learned about the affair she didn't scream or shout at me. She was rather calm. She only asked me if I truly loved her husband, I said yes. She told me that if I am going to be a part of my husband's life I better treat her kids (19F, 16M and 14F) with respect and not push them to accept me. She didn't even create any hassle in the divorce. Things were tough. My husband's parents and friends really criticized us and his parents almost disowned him. If it wasn't for his ex they would have went with it. But his ex convinced them to not cut us off. Their parents did forgive my husband but I still feel like an outsider to them. But they do love our kid (4M). My husband's ex is very different. She never held a grudge against me. Always pushed her kids to have a relationship with their dad. His oldest doesn't talk to him because of the divorce and it always hurts my husband that his daughter wants nothing to do with them. The rest of them are good. They do not love me but they are very civil. She never bad mouthed me or called me a homewrecker. She did her best for the kids. She still tries her best so that her oldest daughter has a good relationship with her dad. I used to think she is a silly woman for not holding a grudge. She was always nice to me. When I was pregnant she first congratulated me and even though she wasn't invited to my baby shower, she sent me a diaper genie as a gift. I always felt guilty that I hurt such a pious woman. To make it more complicated she is in a relationship with my cousin (45M). My parents love her. Uncle and aunt love her. Even my cousin's kids love her. She never discriminated between her kids and mine. She always sends some cookies or extra food for my son with her kids whenever it is their visitation time. She even met my son and treats him like her own. For the longest of time I wondered why she is like this? Is she trying to win her husband back? I even asked her why she doesn't hate me when I was her husband's mistress. She told me she doesn't see the point because whether or not she hates me her marriage was over anyways. I am jealous of her. She is not just beautiful but also graceful. I know I was very much younger than her when my husband started the affair but I can say she is much more better looking than I am. Even if I took her place in her husband's life but I can never be her. Edit: I knew very well I wasn't going to be treated like a good person here. I know I am not a good person either for breaking up a home. So, I am editing this to clear few things out. I know I made typos. I wrote this in a hurry. I didn't even have time to reverse what I wrote. I am not in a good position right now and yes it is because of my husband too. But that is a story I will share later. I fixed the typos I hope it is clear to you all. Yes, I like her a lot. She is an amazing human. I am glad I don't have any ex wife drama in my life. And yes a part of that really makes me insecure because I keep trying to find a fault in her. Because even my own parents like her when she attended the family functions as my cousin's girlfriend. My cousin and her met each other a year ago when he was visiting me and she came to drop off my kid along with hers. She sometimes invites my son to her house that's why she herself dropped him off. I asked her to stay for dinner and there my cousin and her hit it off and decided to date. That's pretty much it. Also no, this was not written by her. She doesn't use social media that much as far as I know. ***Some comments:*** **By prettiergenghi:** >Not only she got rid of the cheater but got a new boyfriend and is revered by everyone. Good for her. **By Practical\_Cicada9429:** >Maybe part of you thinks that if he can cheat and leave a beautiful, graceful, forgiving woman with whom he had built a life with, he will eventually leave his mistress and it won’t be as easy for you to pick up the pieces. You reap what you sow. I also have a lot of regrets. **By Queasy-Winter-9928:** >She is a beautiful person inside and out. You obviously have to work on your self. You can’t change the past but you can always be a better you in the future. Take the template and work towards the parts you envy. She sounds amazing. You can be too. **By ItsyBitsyCrispy:** >Dang she’s almost killed you with kindness. And she’s not even trying. She just sounds very kind. I too strive to be nice and liked, just for the good of it. I’m not sure about much, but it seems like you just keep saying how kind she is. > >EDIT: I’d like to add, since this got a few upvotes, that people who don’t have the life they desire tend to be jealous of those with good lives. As others have stated, just work on yourself. Don’t focus on being BETTER or spite, or to have one over on someone. Do it for yourself. Take care of your health, and your mind. Be kind to others. Let it radiate off of you. Because I believe that’s what you strive for, and can accomplish. I’m not saying you’re jealous.. can be or maybe not, but everyone strives to have a happy life and there’s nothing wrong with that. It is wrong to be mad others have a happy life out of misplaced anger that you don’t have the life you want. Just be the best you that you can be. It’s a lifestyle. It takes work everyday. I strive for it everyday and you can too. We can all be happy. &#x200B; [My husband is still in love with his ex-wife. I feel so alone](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13wl9r3/my_husband_is_still_in_love_with_his_ex_wife_i/) \- 31 May 2023 I made a post few days ago. There I vented my frustration about how my husband's ex was so good. Yes a part of me was jealous of her. She was so nice and kind. Her kids are really well behaved. I know they will never accept me as their part of family but they haven't been mean to me or to my son in anyways. Till now I thought the problem was my husband's ex. But no. The problem was him. I do not know how it came to this. I agree when we started dating he was married. He told me his marriage was already over and he would be getting a divorce soon. Their marriage had problems. That's all I knew. The problem started almost few months ago. I could see him being distant towards me. I know couples go through stages in life where they have been distant towards each other. I tried to give him space that he needs. Before getting married we went to pre-marital counseling because my husband was really adamant to not screw up. For those months there was no intimacy. I didn't think he would cheat because he wasn't late or hid anything on his phone. Then when we finally became intimate and made love, he said his ex-wife's name. That is when I froze. Why? Next day I confronted him. He didn't lie to me. He broke down in tears and said that he is still in love with his ex. My heart broke. I guess I know how she must have felt when I was the other woman. I asked him if he really loved her why did he marry me. I got the full picture after 6 fucking years. Yes they had problems but according to my husband it was his fault. He never confessed his affair. His ex-wife found out about the affair on her own and confronted him. He was ready to make the marriage work but before that his wife served him divorce papers. The last thing she said to was she is giving him the freedom he wants. My husband said he begged and pleaded. His ex was smart. She only kept the house and 50-50 for the kids. She even explained the kids the reason for their divorce. His oldest daughter knew the actual reason but the other two were given a kid friendly reason. On top of his divorce and his oldest daughter not talking to him really put a toll in his mind. I was there for him. He thought that he should move on with his life with me instead. But deep down he always loved her. He always feels guilty for hurting her. I understand all of that. But I don't understand why now? He said he wants to start a new life with me. I apologized to everyone. I do not hate his ex. It's him that I am mad. He is a weak man. I am not better woman. He will always have a place in his heart for her because they have been together since teenagers. I notice the signs now. Whenever he would see his ex with her new boyfriend he would get upset. He tried to hide it but I know why. I am living in the guestroom until we sort this thing out. I guess y'all are happy. Because I am getting what I deserve. ***Some comments:*** **By gurlwithdragontat2:** >I don’t think you’ve learned a lesson, because no one wants you to be miserable. They wanted you to be accountable, which you still are not. > >You wanted to feel superior, to feel chosen, to feel like you were the first and best pick, but you entered into a situation, where that could literally never be true. Because if that was the case, he would’ve left his ex before attempting a relationship with you. > >The cruelty was the point. > >You enjoyed making/imagining her feeling less than and foolish. You reveled in that, and thought less of her. Now you’re standing in the mirror and instead of seeing her, you see yourself. > >I said on your last post that the reason she is able to find happiness is because she has self-respect. I still stand by that statement. > >Sure, he is a person with no self respect who begged for a relationship he intentionally sabotaged, but you have basked in the turmoil of him demolishing their life. You did not care. You had no empathy, yet you’re expecting so much. > >He lied to his ex and had an affair, whether he later admitted or not, so why did you think he could never lie too you?? That is something that I simply do not understand about people who enter into relationships as APs. > >You agreed with his values until they negatively affected you. So again, this is less about him being weak, and more about you. You need to take accountability for yourself and stop placing blame on the ex or even on your husband no matter how pathetic he is. > >The circumstances of your current life are based around your decision-making. **By Thisisastupidname0:** >Hookup with a married man and be surprised when it doesn’t work out? Smh > >You know he would cheat on you with her in a second if he had the chance. If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you. That’s a fact. At least he was actually honest now and you can make whatever decision you want. > >A lifetime of knowing your partner would rather be with someone else does not sound like fun to me though. &#x200B; **I am not OOP.**

Mistress OOP is jealous of her husband's ex-wfie

ONGOING

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15203ka/mistress_oop_is_jealous_of_her_husbands_exwfie/

1527c30

This is a repost. Original poster is u/Soon-to-Wed-Throway **Fun Fact to Cover Spoilers:** The real name for a hashtag "#" is an octothorpe. While we know that “octo” refers to the symbol’s eight points, even [Merriam-Webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/octothorpe) is unsure about the “thorpe” part. One story links it to a telephone company employee who happened to burp while talking about the symbol with coworkers. Another relates it to the athlete Jim Thorpe and the campaign to restore posthumously his Olympic medals, which were taken away after it was discovered that he played baseball professionally previous to the 1912 Games. A third claims it derives from an Old English word for "village." **Mood Spoiler:** >!Vindication achieved, but slightly marred by family death!< \*\*Trigger Warning:\*\*>! Thought and action of self-harm and suicide; Death!< **Note:** This long saga has two precursor BoR posts \[created by u/wormhole222\] that cover the beginning. Check them out for context below before reading the rest of this post: * [**Part 1 Link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/t5ml74/ops_deadbeat_brother_who_is_also_the_golden_child/)**:** TL;DR: OOP's golden child brother (GC brother) wants to propose to his girlfriend at OOP's wedding because he is afraid she is going to break up with him. OOP is able to turn his parents onto his side because he threaten's to help them financially get out of the hole that golden child brother put them in (debt for a college degree GC brother never finished and still covering current bills). GC brother moves in with enabling grandma, who always favored GC brother and encouraged OOP's parents too as well. GC brother's girlfriend finds out about proposal, breaks up with GC brother, and says she wants nothing to do with the family. GC brother and grandma are uninvited to OOP's wedding. * [**Part 2 Link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ta3uck/updates_ops_deadbeat_brother_who_is_also_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)**:** \- TL;DR: GC brother shows up to OOP's house drunk and crying that ex-GF doesn't want anything to do with GC brother, and everyone on reddit hates GC brother. Grandma tries to show OOP's parents the reddit posts to turn them onto GC brother's side; however, OOP's mom goes off on her own mother (OOP's grandma). OOP's fiancée confront grandma on all the lies grandma told OOP's finance, and grandma tells her that GC brother should have gotten married first. OOP is able to reality check grandma by calling her narcissistic and selfish, and then promptly (or long overdue however you look at it) blocking both grandma and GC brother. [**Brother wanted to propose at my wedding (Final Update!) Taxes, Wedding Bells and Insanity**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/ubsi1q/brother_wanted_to_propose_at_my_wedding_final/) \[Not really the final update\] - April 25, 2022 Well it's been a ride. A fair bit has happened since my last post. So I thought it best to wait till I'm married and settled in after my honeymoon to speak to everyone. Firstly, I wanna say that I don't know shit about taxes other than I pay them. But someone here questioned how I could write off the money I was giving to my parents monthly for their mortgage. And I honestly thought I could. But a person who actually does taxes contacted me and said that wasn't possible, or at the very least shouldn't be possible since I don't have partial ownership of the house. And that made me curious that I may be breaking the law. Well I looked into it, and long story short the person who was doing my taxes before, no longer is. I took my questions to the owner of the tax firm and explained to him that the guy who was doing my taxes was getting me a roughly one third write off on the money I was paying to my parents monthly. Well the owner said he'd recheck my records himself, and said he'd call me later. Took a few days, but he told me that the guy who was doing my taxes did a few things that he shouldn't. And that he had a previous record of doing this. The firm fired him. And the owner apologized profusely and asked me not to take my business elsewhere. I believe in supporting local businesses and shop from them when I can. So I told him that as long as my records are clean, I'll stay with them. And he assured me that he'll make sure everything is. I do find it stupid the owner didn't fire my former tax guy after his first offense. And I get the feeling he rugswept a lot of things. But he's assured me that my taxes will be done by him personally from now on. So I'm gonna give him the chance to make everything right. Since my last post my parents have also managed to rent out both of their spare rooms. Both tenants are young women who are first time renters. And they've each taken a room. Both are pleasant enough, but I've barely spoken to them. My parents say they're pretty good tenants. So we'll see how everything goes. My father has also begun remodeling the attic into another room that they can eventually rent. It's gonna be a slow process as he doesn't have a lot of time to work on it unless it's on weekends. But he's determined to get it done. Now on to the period before my wedding. Well.... My grandma went mental. Apparently after I told her off over the phone about a month ago, she went off her rocker even further and actually lashed out at my brother. Which is something I thought she'd never do with how much as he loves and enables him. After about a week, a neighbor heard all the commotion and ended up going to check on her. And she attacked him over it. Police were called and took grandma into custody for a psych hold, and she tried to attack one of the officers as well. But she's a frail little old lady with false teeth. Not a lot she can do to one of them. My parents went in to see her, but visitors weren't permitted until the three days were over. And when they were my parents met with her and told me she was hamming it up playing the victim and trying to get my parents back on her side. My mother said grandma was still blaming me and also saying that she still had a right to be at my wedding. Well my mother let her have it by saying that she lost that right after everything she said and did. All the lies and gaslighting. And being mad at me for something as petty as getting married before my manchild older brother that she outright said was her favorite grandson. Meanwhile my brother was chilling in her house because he had it all to himself until my grandma was allowed to return home. Don't have much information from that point since my parents didn't bother to see grandma or my brother again thus far. Next is my wedding. The outdoor venue my wife and I picked was beautiful. There was a good sized man made pond with paddle boats, and plenty of wild ducks and frogs. Though the ducks came right up to people begging for food. We brought some loafs of cheap wheat bread so the kids in the family could toss some to the ducks. The venue was also near a golf course, so kids were having fun hunting for lost golf balls like they were Easter eggs. They actually found a lot of them. That was some good wholesome fun. Yes I did have security there, and yes my grandma did show up and tried to get in. Even though her invitation had been officially rescinded, she still had the paper one she'd gotten in the mail since she refused to return it after being uninvited. My brother wasn't with her. But she drove 200 miles herself just to try and get into my wedding. She showed up acting sweet, but then turned into a crazy bitch when the guard refused her entry. She screamed out my name and demanded to be let in. And she refused to leave till she spoke to me. Until security threatened police. She ended up screaming at him and then waddling back to her car. And that was it for that. But this was not the end to the story. Oh no! Because now that the only person still talking to grandma was my older brother, I guess she started taking things out on him. No family scapegoats left for her to yell at, so she started going crazy on my brother since he was under her roof now. I know this because he sent me a letter since I have him blocked on everything but snail mail. I got the letter after coming back from my honeymoon. It was a letter with a mix of apologies and blaming me. He said he was sorry for wanting to propose at my wedding, and sees how crumby it would have been to try that. And that I was right about him being underhanded in trying to ask his ex to marry him in front of so many people. But then said he was angry he didn't get to go to my wedding because I couldn't overlook his traumas. Then he said he was sorry for letting grandma treat me the way she did for so long because now he's getting some of that himself. Then blamed me for getting grandma so worked up in the first place over yelling at her and then not letting her in to my wedding. Then went on to blame me for our parents kicking him out of their house, and being stuck with grandma because she's driving him up the wall. (They didn't kick him out. He left when they wanted him to pay rent properly) So now he's apartment hunting. He did apparently ask my parents to move back in with them, but they outright refused and told him to get his own place. And that's about it on that. And on a side note, my brother's ex girlfriend still has not reached out or spoken to anyone in my family since she last spoke with me. Not that I blame her. I barely knew her anyway. And we have no mutual friends. I checked her social media recently though, and she seems just fine without my brother in her life. So if she reads this, I'll just say "Good for you! Live well and don't ever let crazy like my brother back in again." And to my brother, whom I know will likely find and read this soon. Get a life man! Stop blaming your shit on me and grow up! You're on your own now, and the rest of us aren't gonna hold you up anymore. And if you do manage to date again, don't screw it up like last time. You and I both know why things didn't work out with your ex. And I hope you realize now that running to Grammy and getting drunk won't help you anymore when you're 30 years old. The world doesn't revolve around you. So let it go. As for me, my honeymoon was great. We went on the road and made it all the way to the coast. My wife also insisted we go cycling. I'm not much of a bicycle rider. But it was fun to go a couple miles down a coast road. Ended up dead tired though. Need to get in better shape.Anyways I'd like to thank everyone here for listening to me and offering their advice. It really helped. &#x200B; [**Brother wanted to propose at my wedding and my grandma went crazy because she didn't get her way. (An extra update to the saga)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/111cams/brother_wanted_to_propose_at_my_wedding_and_my/) \- February 13, 2023 **Content Warning:** >!Threats and actions of self harm. !<I know the post I made last year was supposed to be the end. But I just wanted to tell this last bit now that it's all over. This compiles some events that happened from then to just recently. At first my brother and grandmother only got worse. My grandmother turned into a crying whale again when my brother told her he was moving out. Then he had the gall to ask for mine and our parents' help to move his stuff because grandma was saying she wouldn't let him leave. But our parents just reminded him of the shit he'd done to end up in his current situation. And rather than act like a rational human being, he decided he'd do just the opposite. He blamed me for ruining his life again. And my father told me he actually busted a gut laughing at my brother when he said that. Then laid into my brother over how he was blaming his own shit on me. And my 30 year old brother curled up in a chair crying. He refused to leave our parents' house that night and stayed curled up on the couch with a bottle of booze until the next day. In which he was kicked out by our parents with a raging hangover. Our father told him he needed to apologize to me for real face to face. And that they'll no longer consider him their son if he doesn't. It took my brother a couple of days. But he showed up at my place with a piece of paper in hand, and read out an apology he'd pre-written. He said he was so sorry for everything he's done. He's been a shitty person and an even shittier brother. He looked for any way he possibly could in his own head to make me the bad guy. But the excuses just aren't there anymore. He can't ever undo the things he did. But he wants to move forward and try to mend our relationship as siblings. Starting with GTFO of grandma's house. He told me he understands why none of us want to be there, and that he'll hire help. We ended up shaking hands and having a hug. And thus far he's actually been working hard to improve on himself. Even cutting down on his drinking by a lot. As for my grandma. She did try to keep my brother from moving out. And she refused to let the movers he hired in. He had to get the help of a police officer to keep her at bay. They only had to move out one room's worth of stuff. And with the movers and my brother working at it, they got all of his stuff out of there in record time. My grandma ended up threatening to un-alive herself while he was leaving. Or so my brother said. But I'm pretty sure that was the exact truth because she did actually try. But in the most attention seeking way possible. She took a bunch of pills and then called 911 on herself. They took her to the hospital and got her stomach pumped. Which was a bit redundant as she'd thrown up before the ambulance even arrived. But they wanted to be sure. My parents ended up getting APS involved as grandma ended up on another psyche hold, only this time in a hospital bed. During her stay they did several tests on her because she avoided doctors for years, and she was found to be in bad health. Her kidney function was low, her lungs weren't in very good shape, and she was at heavy risk of diabetes. So grandma had to be put in a care facility for her own health and safety. It actually didn't surprise me much. She was a little woman, but had some weight on her. And all her teeth had to come out when she was in her 50s because the only thing she would drink is soda, and she ate a lot of sugary foods. She especially loved chocolate. She also used to be a heavy smoker in her younger years, and I guess that did some lasting damage to her lungs. She'd been having breathing trouble for some time, but somehow hid it from us all. Doctors found that she needed to be put on oxygen, and that she can't live alone anymore. She wanted my brother to come back and become her full time care-giver. But he refused and said that he just can't. He's got his own life to live, and he's got a lot to make up for with the rest of us. Well my grandma went crazy crying and throwing things in the hospital while screaming at us all to all get out. After she was out of the hospital, my parents worked to have grandma put in a care home. They moved a few of her personal belongings into a room there to try and make her more comfortable. But that didn't really do much of anything. She was there all of a week and said she was incredibly miserable. All the employees treated her like a child, and she had to have an oxygen breather attached to her at all times. She also said she hated being there because in her words, the place was filled with old people. And she hated being reminded that she's old too, and would rather be alone. She was there nearly a month before trying to un-alive herself again by refusing to wear her oxygen breather and saying she'd hang herself with the tubes. They had to put her on close observation 24/7, which only made her even more miserable. Each time we saw her, she begged us, even begged me, to take her out of that place. She missed her home, and she missed her old life. But she wasn't going anywhere because she was considered a danger to herself. Well eventually she just seemed to accept her fate that she would spend the rest of her life living in the care home. And my grandma pretty much just shut down. She became that bitter old woman that hardly talks to anyone. We paid her regular visits, but she was never happy to see us. Me especially. And the months just blurred together with this routine. Things seemed to change a little when we told her my wife was pregnant. And she perked up at that. My wife reluctantly let her feel her belly when we visited. And that seemed to make her day. If anything, it made grandma a bit nicer to all of us. But she was generally still her mean old self. Then some time ago we found out grandma had a stroke in her sleep and passed away. The funeral was a bit lackluster. My mother was really the only one who cried. Most of us were just really quiet the whole time. And then we had a small family reunion at my parents' house. But if anyone here was thinking we'd be singing "Ding-dong the witch is dead", well no. It was mostly just awkward conversations as a lot of us didn't have much good to say about her. And she'd already passed away, so what good would it do any of us to talk about how toxic of a person she was in life either. So there wasn't much to do but stand around and get drunk. And get drunk we did. But it was more like a party full of sad quiet drunks. Everyone dressed in black and gulping down beer or wine. Any time someone wanted to do something fun, it just got really awkward till they shut up or decided to stay quiet or leave. And my wife wasn't there since she stayed home after the funeral because she couldn't drink, and didn't want to be surrounded by people drinking. My brother is showing some genuine improvement. Grandma was his biggest enabler. And she's no longer with us. He applied for therapy last year to try and better understand himself and make a better effort to change. For now he's trying to help out our father with remodeling the attic in his spare time, and things are still awkward between us any time we see each other. Right now I can't say how things will go in the long run at all. But without grandma's toxic, hopefully everything will change for the better. As for Grandma's estate. Well her will was surprisingly fair. We were all certain my brother would get everything since he was her favorite. But instead my parents got her house. And they are working to get it ready to be rented out. The rest of grandma's money and assets were pretty evenly distributed. Well, mostly... I didn't get much. But I didn't want it either. I'm doing fine. I didn't need it. I guess that concludes everything.TLDR: Grandma tried something crazy, got put in a care home, and passed away there. **OOP comment on financially assisting their parents:** >My financial aid to my parents stopped after we found out my wife is pregnant. And since they are renting out rooms in their house, my parents don't need my money anymore. **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Please do not brigade OOP or their posts.**

[Final Update] OP's deadbeat brother, who is also the golden child, wants to propose at OPs wedding. OP doesn't put up with it and tears his brother and family a new one

NEW UPDATE

thisjustmyopinion

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1527c30/final_update_ops_deadbeat_brother_who_is_also_the/

1527wyu

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAnotmydad113 **in** r/AITAH *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!child abandonment!< mood spoilers: >!concern, mostly fine!<   [**WIBTAH if I ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14nnjw5/wibtah_if_i_ask_my_stepdad_to_walk_me_down_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Sat, July 01, 2023 When I (28f) was 4 years old, my dad cheated on my mom with his now wife and mom divorced him. She got 50-50 on the custody. I hated going to my father's house because I didn't want his wife to tell me what to do. My dad reduced his time when he got married. I was 6 at that time and wasn't even invited to his wedding, but his step kids were. His excuse was that I am still bitter and will ruin the ceremony. Overtime, he only paid just the child support and I was completely neglected. When my dad had my half brother, he was busy with him and ignored me. He even stopped taking me to his house for the weekends. He would ignore me. He would tell me that he wouldn't talk to me unless I act like a good child aka call my stepmom "mom" rather than her name. He would make excuses not to take me to ice-cream or do any activities. There was a time when I graduated elementary school and he promised that he and I will go fishing. He ghosted me and told my mom there was an emergency. I was again abandoned. By that time my mom started dating my stepdad, Lenny. Lenny was the father I never had. He was a single dad but he still treated me like his own child. He taught me how to swim, how to drive my car, he attended all the school functions I was in. He was there every time my dad abandoned me. I went very low contact with my dad, only contacting him on Christmas. I don't even call him on father's day. So fast forward to now, I am getting married. I have asked Lenny to walk me down the aisle because he is the only dad I have ever known. My dad and his family will be coming as a guest. This infuriated my dad. He told me I am his only daughter. I shouldn't keep him away from his rights as a father. I am getting calls from his side of the family too. My father is upset and I am sidelining him. According to him, he has been a great father and I am being unfair to him. Also he doesn't want Lenny to walk me down the aisle at all. I told my dad he can walk his stepdaughter on the aisle and he will only be a guest. I have made my decision. He called an asshole and told me he didn't paid child support just so I could grow up to be an ungrateful brat. So was I wrong? I know he is my dad but I just don't feel like he is.  &#x200B; [**UPDATE: WIBTAH if I ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14vwsq8/update_wibtah_if_i_ask_my_stepdad_to_walk_me_down/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Mon, July 10, 2023 Sorry guys, I didn't get the time to respond to replies. But I did read them in my spare time. I am currently at the airport waiting for our plane to our honeymoon so I thought I should give you an update. And I got married 2 days ago. I can say that I am relieved to know people don't think I am doing the bad thing. So, I did just that. I just texted my dad that I am not changing my decision, if he wants to come to my wedding he can. I am not going to force him. That didn't work. He called my mom and asked to talk to me about this situation. I was hoping he would drop this but no. He had to act as an entitled person. I wrote him a long ass message. I did not want to talk to him without getting interrupted. My dad interrupts a lot. I told him that give me one good reason that I should let him walk me down the aisle when he never been a dad in my life. He never cared enough to make his marriage work with mom and decided to betray her and our family. Despite all of that I still loved him but every time he left me and abandoned me. Lenny has been my dad growing up. I doubt he even knows anything about me. He is just some guy who used to pay my child support and with whom I share DNA. He is nothing like my dad because he missed all the big events in my life. He never cared or even tried to be there for he and he has the audacity to call me his daughter. Since he didn't do his fatherly duties, I don't think I should do any daughter duties towards him. How can he possibly think he could "give me away" when he already gave me away 20 years ago. Few minutes go by and then he calls me and asks if this is what I have thought about him my entire life. I asked him where was he when I was graduating? Where was he when I won first prize in my dancing competition? Where was he when I needed someone to guide me? I dare him to tell me one thing about me. How much does he know me? When was the last time he initiated any conversations with me? He went silent. He asked me if I was still mad about the past? I told him past was the reason I know he is an unreliable man. All these years if he has taught me anything it is that he is a shitty father and someone like him cannot be trusted. I made the biggest mistake of my life believing he would come through. The only reason I never even bother because of what he did in the past. Lastly I will not push him to come to my wedding. That is his choice. It's not he is paying for it anyways. That was it. Later I got a message from my stepmom that what I said has broken my father. He is very much upset. I told her well if he upset by the truth then he shouldn't have asked and pushed my buttons. He has ignored me all my childhood. He doesn't get to play the dad. My wedding went smoothly. I would say majority of my father's side of the family bailed. I had mom's side and some of Lenny's family as well. But overall it was fine. I cannot be more thankful to Lenny. Though it still hurts getting betrayed by my own dad but I am okay. My kids will know Lenny as their grandfather.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

WIBTAH if I ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1527wyu/wibtah_if_i_ask_my_stepdad_to_walk_me_down_the/

1529wr4

**I am NOT the OOP. OOP is u/Ok_Economy_3778 (who is now suspended)** trigger warnings: >!mild reference to drug addiction!< mood spoilers: >!uplifting?!< **[Original post](http://web.archive.org/web/20221219075529/https://www.reddit.com/r/washingtondc/comments/znwjhr/decent_nightclub/) (via wayback machine) - December 17, 2022** **Originally posted to /r/washingtondc** **Decent Nightclub** Obviously using a throwaway, but is there a club in this city that has an implicit (or explicit) "no uggos" policy that also plays halfway decent house music? No offense, but this is not the hottest city, and I need to be around other beautiful people to stave off seasonal depression. Thank you! --- **[Update 1](http://web.archive.org/web/20221218030312/https://www.reddit.com/r/washingtondc/comments/zooa6t/i_cant_believe_it/) (via wayback machine) - December 18, 2022** **Originally posted to /r/washingtondc** **I Can't Believe It** I come to DC for a couple weeks of education, culture, and fun. The museums and food are fantastic. But the city is so miserable and grim, everyone is so exhausting to look at, so I try my chances at a club. Nobody is dressed hot, and everyone has uneven lips and fat shoulders that broaden their face and long torsos and dry elbows with nary a clue that they look like that. The fact that I saw Chelsea boots on a woman, a woman who I presume is college-educated and aware it is the year 2022, a woman who was wearing stone washed boot cut high rise jeans as well, like some sort of time traveler with her notes mixed up, made me so profoundly distressed that I had to go back to my hotel and rest. Additionally, I have never been in a club where people are so grimly determined to look like they're having fun. Where is the sprezzatura? Must you all look so pained? So, on the next weekend I try to find a club for beautiful people that also played good house music. I was feeling depressed, and that always makes me feel better. I get both in abundance in my city, and DC is large, wealthy, and educated. It cannot be that difficult. I have no friends here, none of my college friends even are the type to live in such a place, and now I understand why. As such, Instagram is useless in finding answers for that, and too many of you butterfaced freaks are on Twitter. So, I turn to Reddit. Surely there's hot people, maybe even hot men, that use this site once in a while and can give me a good answer, but no. I get rude and ungrateful ugly people mouthing me off! And the ones that did give me legitimate advice were hounded for doing so. Is this how a city of what I thought were the well-educated, well-mannered class of the United States treats its visitors? Are you unable to look in the mirror and realize that this city is full of genetically unfortunate people apparently too poor to buy beauty, including most of yourselves? Even gently botched plastic surgery suggests an attempt was made to try, and that counts in my books. There's nothing inherently wrong with being ugly or unfashionable, but be honest about it, humble yourselves in the presence of the gifted, and provide more spaces for attractive people to hang out and have a good time in places that make them feel good about being beautiful. Not to mention, you all look in the mirror and feel good? I would never leave my house if I looked like half of you. There's no demand for self-improvement and discipline, and no culture that emphasizes beauty as a goal for its own sake. A lack of vision for hot people will eventually kill your city. I regret coming here, and I cannot believe that I spent the money to do as such. Good riddance. --- *Note: shortly after being posted on reddit, screenshots of this post went viral on tumblr where it currently has over 40,000 notes. The following updates are from tumblr, and due to the blog being flagged for mature content, the posts may not be visible without a tumblr account.* --- **[Update 2](https://www.tumblr.com/phalloids/717254035924811776/oh-my-god-this-is-me-i-was-addicted-to-designer) - May 13, 2023** **Comment by tumblr user phalloids on the screenshot of the original reddit post** oh my god this is me. i was addicted to designer amphetamines and completely delusional at the time of writing this. i had lost forty pounds and thought i was hot shit. i thought i was the reincarnation of Kurt Vonnegut. this was serious, and my friends laughed when they saw this go viral on twitter. it made me realize i had issues and im sober now. im also shocked i managed to stay employed at that time. To answer your question [*note: the screenshots were posted with the caption "Is this person NYC or LA? Place your bets"*]: im from LA but I grew up all around. I was living between Baltimore and NYC at the time. My mom is a beautiful Italian woman (Milan by way of Bolzano) and my dad is an insufferable Mexican from Montreal. #######drug tw #weight loss tw --- **[Update 3](https://www.tumblr.com/phalloids/722318677027045376/fwiw-my-reddit-was-suspended-for-this-im-doing-a) - July 9, 2023** *OOP adds another comment with two images to prove they are indeed the OOP* *[image 1](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7c172fc144b9b779fed49e07dbee5242/8adb1467f3b9effa-92/s500x750/a50776a1ead3f038832756644d06b0a4f0c0d2e5.pnj)* *(description: a screenshot of the reddit app showing that they are logged in with the username u/Ok_Economy_3778)* *[image 2](https://64.media.tumblr.com/eb04a9eddec02567a62a6b0d451e3b2b/8adb1467f3b9effa-c1/s400x600/5b0157bf7631b632685a060182ad0c7c3a651841.jpg)* *(description: a screenshot of the reddit app showing an error message that reads, "Your account has been permanently suspended from Reddit. Click here for more info." This message is also partially visible in the first image)* fwiw, my Reddit was suspended for this, im doing a lot better now, life is good, and im really happy :) #######don't worry #live well

OOP wants to find a club in Washington, DC with "no uggos"

CONCLUDED

lowshearvelocity

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1529wr4/oop_wants_to_find_a_club_in_washington_dc_with_no/

152mrs8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_1634 **I (29F) can't look at my husband (31M) without feeling guilty after nearly killing our daughter. How do I even fix this?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Traumatic birth!< **MOOD SPOILER** >!hopeful For OOP!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/140zu8m/i_29f_cant_look_at_my_husband_31m_without_feeling/jmz36cd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 5, 2023** Hi.. never posted on this sub before. Don't really know if it's the right place to post at all. I'm usually very active on the giving advice part so this is new please bare with me. Putting in a NSFW simply because bleeding and traumatic birth description. I'll try keep it as non graphic as I can. My husband (31M) and I (29F) have been excited for the longest time anticipating the birth of our daughter. It was a difficult pregnancy and we both had absolutely no clue wtf we are doing yet we were the happiest we'd ever been. We were about to be parents. We went to the hospital on the 30th to endure labour since she was a few days passed her due date and we were just growing anxious. Turns out my blood pressure spiked severely and jesus when I say that labour pain is honestly the most excruciating thing in the world even as someone with a high pain tolerance I mean it. I'm sorry for the tmi but I had alot of bleeding and I was honestly exhausted by the time I even started pushing, my husband was right there with me looking so terrified and I was basically passing out because I felt like I just couldn't do it, dr the attempted at doing an assisted extraction using a medical suction tool and that too failed.. so last resort was rushing me to surgery for a c section. I was put under and woke up to being wheeled back to a room, I kept asking where she was and my husband just told me she was being taken care of and I needed to rest. Apparently It took longer than normal for me to even wake up. When I was coherent enough.. I found out there had been some complications.. I was like but she's okay right? And my husband said yeah she's perfect. She just needed extra care because of how traumatic the birth was on both of us. My heart rate got dangerous low at one point too and my husband was dealing with all of this alone. she stopped breathing and also ingested some fecal matter and it took 15 minutes of chest compressions to get her back again.. my husband had opted to wait to tell me this after I'd still Been put on high alert due to my blood pressure and he ddnt want me to risk spiking it again as tht was a major concern. Dr told me she is doing well, she's alive but they can't tell what kind of damage lack of oxygen might have to her brain. Is she is gonna be okay... or how it might affect her in the future because it's too early to tell the severity of it all right now. I just stared at my daughter hooked up to all those tubes in a incubator, I walked to the bathroom and sat on the floor crying for an hour. I feel like I failed her, my one job was to get her into the world safely and I couldn't do that, I couldn't do it right and she might suffer because of it, my husband thinks I'm mad at him for not telling me the truth earlier but I know he had a similar meltdown from what my family told me while the Dr's were trying to help me aswell. I told him I understand but I don't think he believes me. I just can't talk to him properly.. I told him I failed us and he just keeps being amazing and positive and I feel like I don't deserve any of it. Granted it hasn't been a week yet. My daughter is still in a neo natal icu unit doing well but I feel like a horrible waste of the term mother and wife rn. I don't really know what advice I'm looking for. How do I help my husband? My daughter? Lol myself? I know we need counseling but rn I'm still healing shouldn't be on my feet but I'm doing hospital runs to be able to see my daughter frequently and bring her the milk I pumped. All our focus is on getting her home atm. I have a BP check tomorrow because I'm on meds now ffs.. still dealing with stitches again.. this happened last Tuesday. It's fresh and I'm still on medication and so so so I'm fucking lost here people. I don't know wht I want.. maybe just to vent. I've seen some pretty amazing people in this sub and I just feel utterly defeated atm.. I woke up from a nightmare dreaming about being bk on tht bed during labour pushing and I woke up crying with him holding me. I just don't know where to go from here.. Edit: HI I'm Liz, my husband is John and our daughter is Leah. Edit 2: I haven't opened any comments I saw 2 pop up and I was in tears again so.. I'll slowly try to do tht.. just context I guess. Everyone in my family has kids most had them as teens and Liz as a only child to a single mom wanted commitment, marriage and stability so I'm the last person out of a big family to have gotten pregnant so late. NO ONE ever had issues so when I went on my due date.. "maybe something is wrong should I go to the hospital" Everyone said no it's normal to go past your due date you just have to wait.. so I waited a day.. and I was panicked and stressed but everyone kept telling me how irrational I was being despite my husband saying if I wanted to go we should go. I didn't wanna seem like the crazy new mommy that was overreacting. So I waited another day. I guess I'm constantly thinking about how I should've gone in, I shouldn't have waited, I should've been less nice at the hospital and made more of a fuss when I felt like I was losing too much strength during my contractions even. I work with kids, I fucking love kids! I've always wanted them. Leah might have issues with her motorskills, her speech, her brain development even as a whole. She is currently on antibiotics and a feeding tube even tho she has shown she is a fighter. In no way am I gonna love her less if she has any difficulties. I have worked with special needs kids but the reality is I know how hard shit is for them. And me feeling like I waited too long and I Cldnt just pop put 10 kids like my grandmother made me feel like I was just not fit for any of this.. thank you so much to everyone commenting. I am gonna try read through them rn.. ♥️ Edit..3?: I've read and replied to alot of you. I am filled with such gratitude honestly and I really feel a bit lighter reading everyone's comments. I know I'm likely suffering from PPD and I will bring it up.. tho rn Leah is my priority even tho again I know I should take care of myself too. I will speak to my husband about my feelings and maybe show him the post. I know it's not my fault logically and just my bad mental state clouding my judgement. I have an appointment for my blood pressure today and then heading to the hospital. My husband brought me some cereal so I am gonna take my pills and watch some stupid tik toks he is showing me. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE! really. You all brought me fully to tears and hearing all of the wonderful stories so similar to Leah's gives me alot of hope for my family. I'm gonna eat and get my day started. If I get any news about Leah coming home.. I will definitely update the post for now. I'm gonna step away from my phone. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1437v0j/i_29f_cant_look_at_my_husband_31m_without_feeling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 7, 2023** Heya Liz here again. I don't really know what to stay here except thank you for everything. I still feel pretty high strung. Especially with how unbelievably stressful this situation keeps getting and how I'm once again forced to kinda put my big girl pants on and push through it alone. So i will just post a message I replied to a very kind redditor who reached out: [Heya Hope you are well. I don't really know what to say here lol So the hospital called me back basically I need to do feedings with leah while she's on all her meds. Luckily the feeding tube is out which is a big yay. But I need to be here now 24/7 sleeping in a chair basically because of a lack of beds and dealing with a screaming newborn I have zero idea how to care for and I just want to scream.. My husband isn't allowed in the room at all because it's shared with other moms who are also breastfeeding constantly so if he wants to see us we have to go stand in the hallway. And right now she's getting blood drawn screaming bloody murder while I wait outside trying to not cry. I'm failing btw. I'm crying lol They said a few more days and I don't knw if I can do this. I did tell the dr I wanted to speak to a therapist tho.Leah is doing well. She had an infection Tho. Is on antibiotics Hence the blood tests to see if lts cleared up. They say a few more days but I can barely manage the nights on my own. She's constantly up and crying and I feel like I don't knw wtf to do so I sometimes cry with her.I just want us to go home I miss my husband. Who is busy missing meals because he's so focused on us he's not feeling too well rn. When I asked him when last he ate properly I had to help him remember and that was Sunday nightAt home is support and love and family. That's all I'm focused on now. Taking such good care of her here that the Dr's want to send us home. Adding some details] Now is the waiting game.. basically waiting for test results and then reassessing. Good news is what I'm taking from it. • She's okay.. • She's alive.. • She's off the feeding tube.. • She has fantastic fucking lungs because she keeps everyone awake all night long using them. • Her father is absolutely besotted with her. • She frowns whenever I touch her feet.. I don't like people touching my feet either lol • She's gorgeous.. she really is. I want to go home, I want her to go home, I need support I do. I'm trying to hold on best I can and not fall apart. It's rough.. sleeping in a chair is definitely affecting my stitches and I am in alot of pain alot of the time. But yeah for now thts all I can say I guess.. thank you for all the lovely words and support I don't knw how many of you will actually see this. Il link the previous post when I edit jst now maybe thts a good idea./r/relationship_advice/comments/140zu8m/i_29f_cant_look_at_my_husband_31m_without_feeling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Edit: GOOD NEWS. • So hospital is hooking me up with a occupational therapist to help me get accustomed to helping Leah the best I can with movement and exercises that are good for her body and brain. My husband being his wonderful self went to speak to his boss today about arranging his working hours to accommodate that when we get to go home. Itl be maybe 3-4 times a week. • Blood work came back and although we can't go home yet. I'm trying to convey the message I got all medically on a tired brain so Dr's or whoever may correct me. So they did blood work and her viral count.. for being able to fight off infection I think is what the dr said should be a 10 for a healthy child. So that if she gets sick she'll be okay. At birth Leah's was 24 then spiked to a 30. Why she went on antibiotics and needs to be monitored. Good news is after today's blood work it's at 14! So not a 10 yet!! But it's proof the antibiotics are working and that she is on her way to being a roadworthy ( that's a bad joke from my husband i dont really get it bt he said it and laughed for like a whole min) so as much as I hate this hospital I can do a whole month if it means she will be healthy. So by Friday we should be going home or latest Saturday morning. • Spoke to the Dr again she assured me the baby blues are normal and they will connect me to a therapist but I know with public health.. and especially mental health in my country it takes a while. And all our finances went into preparing for her and with me being like this idk when il be going bk to work especially with having to give her all our attention. So we will see. If they set it up I'll need my husband to get help too.. I don't think he wants to admit how much this actually affected him, he doesn't eat much. And he was spaced out today and I had a heart to heart with him about how much we appreciate him and how he is amazing for even being there with me and not freaking out or getting scared.. I know alot of men especially in my family refused to even be in the delivery room for any births. He kinda broke down a lil and said it was scary watching me like that and then watching the same thing with her he felt helpless. I told him how much I adore him and he just told me he loved me and that's enough. Il keep trying with him Tho. I need him to not neglect himself. He is absolutely inlove with her Tho. Even finds her frowning to be the most adorable thing in the world. I think I lost him lol So yeah that's about it. We will be okay I know it. It feels a bit much right now and me getting overwhelmed by a crying baby sucks but ALL BABIES CRY. That's what I'm telling myself. It's perfectly normal and we are gonna take each day just one day at a time. Again THANK YOU TO EVERYONE . even the ones just reading here. And everyone that commented before. You guys proved not all of the internet is crazy and toxic. I appreciate you. If anything major changes I might update. For now thank you all from our family. ♥️ New Edit 4: sooo jesus there is something so wrong with people my God. I got a very interesting message I'm so glad I read only after replying here because if my mental state was anything other than positive wtf even. So people send messages like this: "Hi! :) I just want to say yes, you did fail your daughter but you don't have to fail yourself. Lack of oxygen is a big deal, your daughter will have issues. Look up Rosemary Kennedy. You don't want to go through that. I'm just saying for your own quality of life, get rid of her. Put her up for adoption, because she's gonna have issues and you don't seem to have enough money or education for that" Apparently what's best for Leah is her family that loves her should give her up to save ourselves the burden of possibly having a child with difficulties. Because that's clearly what parenting is. Please anyone with bullshit like this.. I am becoming myself very much again. Do not send me this utter trash. I am so thankful I am of sound mind to know this person is either a horrible troll or someone who would push their mother off a goddamn bridge to save themselves. Just wow. Edit 5: WE ARE GOING HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! ##**THE OOP HAS COMMENTED IN THE BORU THREAD** . [This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/152mrs8/i_29f_cant_look_at_my_husband_31m_without_feeling/jsjf6a2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Lol thank you for tht. OP here. 😇 This Made me nearly wake up Leah while she's staring at me through milk drunk eyes atm. No... I thankfully didn't take that comment to heart. Afterwards looking back I was just pissed off I simply reported them instead of telling them where to fuck off to. My daughter Is a grumpy little diva.. but she's mine. She's beautiful and funny and has started making the cutest little noises. John and I don't regret having her. Or whatever we need to do to make sure she's okay in the future. She isn't an inconvenience.. she's our miracle. Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone commenting. You guys are so sweet and jesus how people can get me to cry these days is hilarious. I'm not usually this emotional. Our family is doing okay.. its a process. We have a doctors appointment in a few hours her checkup at the hospital. Fucking hate the hospital now but ok So I can let yall kind people know how that goes. Leah is doing well. She's the most beautiful thing in my world. At times it's super scary and I struggle still. But she is worth it. So thank you everyone 💓 * [This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/152mrs8/i_29f_cant_look_at_my_husband_31m_without_feeling/jsjgegi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) My daughter has the biggest I hate you face. I don't know wtf John did to piss me off during my pregnancy but if you have ever seen those side eye tik toks... that's Leah.. so that's how I handled that comment. I didn't give it much thought besides that it was gross and rolled my eyes. Leah is a marvel. And she's such a fun baby. She makes me smile everyday. Even when I wanna cry and scream.. and when I'm scared. I just look at her and remember how I'm blessed she's even with me. So no metal chair needed. That person is just vile. I appreciated the support alot more than I even have thought to the nonsense ppl sent me. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (29F) can't look at my husband (31M) without feeling guilty after nearly killing our daughter. How do I even fix this?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

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