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15dka8j

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/13rygb9/my_wife_of_nearly_7_years_10_years_together_to/) by u/NDIrishlad69 in r/survivinginfidelity on 26 May 2023 **My wife of nearly 7 years, 10 years together to replace me** Well, my wife of nearly 7 years told me 2 days ago she was seeing a guy and had been for about 8 months. I had my suspicions, especially recently but I held her to a high moral standard and never thought she could be capable of doing something so hurtful and disrespectful. During this 8 month period, her and I had drinks, dinner, etc. with this guy (he is a Co-worker) who conveniently had just got divorced and who I had considered a friend. So here we are having dinner, drinks, hanging out, and the whole time my wife and him were putting on an act like everything was normal. I told her that as of that day, either he’s dead to you or I am. And the the crushing blow came. She said she wants to continue seeing him. She says she loves me and loves him. I asked how should could equate almost 7 years of building a life, love and relationship to an 8 month affair. She couldn’t answer that but said she was sorry that she hurt me. I told her if she was truly sorry she would have broken it off and put her attention on us. I am stunned, pissed, embarrassed that I didn’t see the signs, but most of all, I am sad and broken-hearted. I’m not going to beg to have her back, I have accepted my fate and will move on. If those of you who have gone through this have any advice, I appreciate it and thank you for taking time to read my story. 💔 ------------------------------------------------------------ [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/13tojva/op_update_for_wife_of_nearly_7_yearstogether_for/) by u/NDIrishlad69 in r/survivinginfidelity on 28 May 2023 **OP update for wife of nearly 7 years,together for 10 replacing me with a coworker** First I want to say thank you to all the love and support from this group. Sharing your experiences and advice have really helped. Short summary of my story: my wife had been having an affair for 8 months with a recently divorced coworker. My wife and I had dinner, drinks, and hung out like we were all friends and they acted completely normal the whole time. She said she wants to keep seeing him but still loves me. So here’s what has transpired since that post: Her whole family knows and they are not happy with her at all. They have all reached out to me giving support and telling my they love me and i will always be family to them. Her sister is PISSED and doesn’t even want to see her. She has claimed that after we divorce she will not be anywhere near this guy nor bring her son around him. They have been really close as sisters and her taking my side was HUGE!! I have made myself unavailable and busy this whole weekend to her. I have set up a consultation with a lawyer for this Tuesday to start divorce proceedings I have begun looking at housing options but may try to buy her out and keep the house. Also, since she makes more than me, I will be filing for spousal support. I know there is still a rough read ahead and some work to be done but I am feeling good about where things are going. I think some folks had asked whether we have kids, we do not (we have a dog who will be coming with me since I did all the work to raise her and train her) so waaaaayyy less complicated and no reason for her to contact me after I am gone. I couldn’t have gotten through these first few days without all of you on here and I am eternally grateful. I plan to pay it forward by sharing my story in the future once I have healed and help others as you have helped me. Much love survivor fam ❤️ I will update as things progress ------------------------------------------------------------ [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/13yq7ew/update_on_wife_replaced_me_with_coworker_after/) by u/NDIrishlad69 in r/survivinginfidelity on 02 Jun 2023 **Update on wife replaced me with co-worker after nearly 7 years of marriage, together for 10** So for those of that have been following along, my wife confessed on May 23rd of having an 8 month affair with her coworker. Even after confessing, she still professed her love for him and wanted to continue seeing him. So my response was to retain a attorney for $5000 and file for divorce. I will also be nailing her ass for alimony payments as well. Strangely enough right after I filed she suddenly had an epiphany and came running back to me, wanting to make things better and work on our relationship, I told her I would think about it but I wasn’t sure. The only reason I gave her that response is because I wanna keep her in good standing while I’m still processing this divorce but let it be known the divorce is happening there’s no going back it’s a final decision for me. She doesn’t know that I filed for divorce and I plan on keeping that way just so I can keep it amicable until we can get the house sold but she’s going to get served around 1 September and then I’ll Hells going to break loose but it doesn’t really matter to me. I’ve made my decision I plan to move on with my life, and I suggest anybody else who’s been in the situation do the same. I will keep you posted as more progress happens. ------------------------------------------------------------ [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/14o1rwp/update_on_wifes_replacing_me_with_coworker/) by u/NDIrishlad69 in r/survivinginfidelity on 01 Jul 2023 **Update on wife’s replacing me with coworker married almost 7 years been together for 10 years** So it has been a while since I’ve updated everyone, but I’ve made some really good progress. My soon to be ex-wife and I have come to financial division agreement. My lawyer has now sent us back to CR2A farm with all of our financial division agreements on it. Now we just need to sign it and send it back in and then it gets applied to the courts. Once I get the greenlight, either from the court, or from my lawyer, I will begin putting up the house for sale. This is been a trying process just because I’ve been trying to keep patient through all of this. But I’ve received a lot of support from you guys for my family from friends. It’s really help me to make decisions and progresses through where it needs to be. I feel better every day and as more steps get taken care of I bought LifeLock so all my finances and my credit report and everything are all protected. And I’ve even had a few dates along the line just to create a distraction so that I’m not completely without social interaction. All in all I feel pretty good no turning back of my decision, and for anyone who is considering take it from me, it’s the best decision you ever make. I know it’s not an easy one, but you have to stop and think about what’s best for you and what’s best for you going forward in your life. I will try to send an update once the agreement has been signed and once we start moving forward with getting the house for sale thank you for everyone who’s giving me the support on here and who’s been following and I’m sorry it took a while to get the updates, but I wanted to hit a major benchmark before I did so. **REMINDER, I AM NOT THE OP**

OOP's wife of 7 years (10 year relationship) replaces him with a co-worker

ONGOING

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15dka8j/oops_wife_of_7_years_10_year_relationship/

15do6wu

I am NOT OP. Original post on Ask A Manager &#x200B; Trigger warnings: >!Bigotry, Classism!< &#x200B; Mood: >!Mixed.!< &#x200B; [my coworker sent a classist, racist email company-wide after a janitor won our Christmas contest](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/03/my-coworker-sent-a-classist-racist-email-company-wide-after-a-janitor-won-our-christmas-contest.html) \- March 9, 2022 &#x200B; In November 2020, my company announced that since they couldn’t have a company Christmas party they were going to use the money on a car someone could win. The person who won could choose any car they wanted and the company would pay X amount toward the car. If the car was more than that, the winner would have to pay the remainder out of pocket. The money was only going toward a car, you couldn’t ask for cash instead. Everyone who was a full-time employee for two or more years and was not an executive or higher was automatically entered. If you won and didn’t want the car, they would redraw. &#x200B; In 2020, it went great. A white-presenting woman from our legal department won and the company sent out an email with her and her husband smiling and standing in front of her new car in December. &#x200B; In 2021, the company sent out a poll asking if we would prefer to do a car drawing again or have a company Christmas party, and most people wanted a car drawing again. The winner this time was a janitor who appears to be Latino and has a Spanish name, and we got a picture of him and his family standing in front of a minivan. &#x200B; While everyone seemed happy for the first winner, some people were not so happy this time around. A coworker, Gaston, with the same manager as me was particularly vocal that he didn’t believe that the janitorial department should “count” or be included in the drawing. I got a lot of classism vibes from him and told our manger about it. But our manager said Gaston wasn’t doing anything illegal and he was allow to express his opinions during lunch and non-work hours as long as it wasn’t against a protected group. &#x200B; Gaston sent a company-wide email stating that he didn’t think janitors should be included and hinting that maybe instead of being a fair drawing it had been rigged so the company had a feel-good story and picture to send around. I feel there must have been more emails or discussions I don’t know about, because a company-wide email went around from HR about how the drawing was blind and didn’t not take into account race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. &#x200B; &#x200B; I was originally going to write in and ask you if there was a way I could organize people to speak up about how they thought the whole thing was fair because I was worried, with the big stink he was making, that next year the company would ditch the drawing. But yesterday (it’s March as I write this) I was at a social event and speaking to someone from a different department when I mentioned the group I work in. The response: “Oh! you’re from that racist team that doesn’t think people of color can win things legitimately.” I was horrified and tried to explain of course I didn’t think that, though one of my coworkers was disappointed. (I was careful not to call Gaston a racist.) Still, the man I was speaking to clearly didn’t believe me. Now I’m worried about my own reputation. Should I ask to transfer? Look for a new job? Hope it all goes away? Send out a company-wide email of my own? I talked to my manager again and he gave the same answer as last time.Allison's advice has been removed. However, you can still access the link to read it and other comments on the story &#x200B; .[Update 1](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/06/updates-i-walked-in-on-the-company-owner-having-sex-coworker-sent-a-horrible-email-company-wide-after-a-janitor-won-our-contest-and-more.html): - June 21, 2022 &#x200B; I have read every comment on my letter and this one looking for advice. I am new to the working world (this is my first full-time job) and every time I brought up Gaston with my mentor or other people I either got, “keep your head down, you’re new, establish yourself before you try to make waves/take a stand or you’ll be labeled a trouble maker and accomplish nothing,” or “that’s Gaston, no one pays attention to his rants anyway. just roll your eyes and tune him out like the rest of us.” Reading the comments I went back and forth between, “I didn’t explain this correctly and made him sound more important than he is,” and “this place has completely warped my sense of normalcy, I need to get out of here before I turn into a racist.” &#x200B; I have since made it a point to try to socialize with people outside my team both to try to distance myself from Gaston and to make sure I don’t start normalizing his rants. I was able to meet up with the coworker who called the team I was on racist and was able to work an apology into the conversation. (“I’ve thought so much about the last time we talked. When you brought up the email I panicked. I had brought it up to my manager when it first happened and was more or less told to leave it alone and not cause trouble. I was worried if I agreed with you, the story would get around that I was calling Gaston a racist. I tried to noncommittally distance myself from the whole thing and I’m sure just made myself look worse. I take the full blame for that, and I have worked on how to address things like this going forward.”) The coworker in question assured me it was all water under the bridge, and he heard of Gaston’s tendency to run to HR with every little thing. &#x200B; Nevertheless, I know as far as my credibility is concerned I’m going to be starting with a deficit so I need to be careful moving forward. I would love it if any of your readers have suggestions on how to be actively anti-racist when you are newer at a company, many of the resources I’ve found seem to believe the reader has a certain amount of power/authority. I don’t and I want to make sure to be an ally, not a “savior.” &#x200B; In talking with other people, I’ve learned Gaston has quite the reputation for dog whistles and going up to the line without crossing it. According to office gossip, he runs to HR over the slightest thing and has claimed in the past his managers was retaliating if any of them tried to check his behavior. As a result, he’s been moved from team to team. Most people think Gaston believes he is untouchable and is just running his mouth without caring about the consequences. A few people say they think he is trying to get fired so he can threaten to sue for age discrimination and get a payout from the company because the company won’t want the expense or PR of going to court. I do know he is fond of making statements like, “I’m going to retire in 2023, what are they going to do, fire me?” &#x200B; My manager did stress that if Gaston said anything against a protected class or legally created a hostile work environment I should let him and HR know right away. Unfortunately Gaston says things like, “First {name of woman who won year 1} wins, then a janitor, I don’t know, it doesn’t seem like something that actually happens, more like something someone writes the end of a movie. Just doesn’t pass the smell test.” Sorry there is no triumphant “Gaston was fired in front of the whole company and everyone got a raise and a vacation.” Just everyone waiting for him to go away like a bad odor. &#x200B; [Update 2](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/07/update-my-coworker-sent-a-classist-racist-email-company-wide-after-a-janitor-won-our-christmas-contest.html): - July 6, 2023I’ll start with the good news: my spouse passed the bar and has a job. We started receiving Health Insurance through his job, so I started seriously looking for a new job! Gaston retired at the beginning of the year. &#x200B; I carefully took note of all the suggestions here and rehearsed them at home with my poor husband. I’ve always been on the shy side, so I needed practice, but I did start to challenge Gaston. It didn’t work. &#x200B; 1· “What do you mean by that?” and other similar statements were met by explanations about how people with low paying jobs are lazy and entitled and if they wanted more money they would get new jobs. &#x200B; 2· “That sounds classist” and other explicit statements were brushed off as this was my first “real” job after college and unlike college the real world isn’t all about safe spaces and political correctness. &#x200B; 3 · He seemed happy to educate me and to brag about being willing to “speak truth to power” and “take a stand against wokism and cancel culture.” When I asked for specifics, I was assured that as I got older and more experienced I would be able to spot these things and I would get a feel for when things weren’t quite right. &#x200B; He did say that after sending around the email he was scolded but stood his ground. He was very proud of that and how he was moved around for “taking a stand” in the past. According to Gaston he was able to stand up for people and against virtue signaling because he was going to retire soon and could fight back when others couldn’t. After a week of this a woman I work with pulled me aside and essentially said while she could tell what I was trying to do, he was never going to listen to a woman decades younger than him and if I wanted to help giving him a platform was not the way to do it. &#x200B; I will say that the company is a big fan for “restorative justice.” That is instead of someone being punished they are supposed to be educated. So, when Gaston made loud comments in the past he was assigned online courses about diversity and inclusion, etc. while on the clock as opposed to disciplined. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a next step after “take course on inclusivity,” except, “move under another manager who can assign more/different courses and hope this time it works.” I don’t know if the company is bad at holding people accountable because they are truly sold on “everyone can change if you help them right” or if they don’t care (and secretly agree with the Gastons) and are using restorative justice as a cover to make it look like they are doing something. &#x200B; Mostly I want to thank you and your readers for showing me where I worked. I genuinely thought I worked at a great company. When I asked in my last interview before I was hired they said they were a very diverse company and they do have a lot of policies on the books that are great. For example, there are rooms set aside for pumping and for daily prayer, different desks and computers for people to choose from depending on their physical needs, the office is decorated for pride month, black history, etc. While all those things were rolled out relatively recently, within the last five years, I was convinced I worked at a wonderful company with a few loud outliers. So when there was a lack of pushback to Gaston and moving him around instead of dealing with him I thought maybe I was overreacting or oversensitive. When I asked around and was told I would be labeled a troublemaker for making a fuss about him I thought I was the problem. I guess I am still reconciling, “we decorate for pride month but don’t slap down classist emails.” &#x200B; On that final note, do your readers have any suggestions on how to find a good company to work for? I’m worried that my sense of normalcy has been damaged and that even if there are great policies on the surface the culture underneath might be rotten or with spineless upper management.

My Coworker Sent a Classist, Racist Email Company-Wide After a Janitor Won our Christmas Contest

EXTERNAL

Green7000

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15do6wu/my_coworker_sent_a_classist_racist_email/

15dp4ic

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/Throwawayadvice236 **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!depression, mental health struggles!< mood spoilers: >!relationship strain, emotional turmoil, eventual improvement!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hutuck/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_being/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Mon, July 20, 2020 I(29) have always supported my girlfriend (23). We have been together for four years now, and lived together for one. She has always had anxiety, as well as depression where some months are worse than others. I have supported her through all of this, and understand it is very hard for her. In January she lost her job due to the current world circumstances. By march she hit a low point with not eating as much, crying, irritability - typical traits of depression. I have comforted her as much as possible, and taken care of everything. However, at the beginning of June I was allowed back to work, and since the house has fallen to shambles. I am too tired by the time I come home to do anything, even cook. Most nights we order take out, and on the rare occasion she makes food. The floors aren't being washed, hoovering isn't being done, laundry is a mountain, and dishes are everywhere. I try keep on top of it, but with work it is almost impossible. She is home... all day. She lies in bed till late afternoon, watches Netflix, eats bowls of cereal, and naps. That's about it. I've tried to gently coax her to do more, and she says she will get to it but never does. I finally snapped, told her I was sick of her doing nothing all day and leaving the housework to me. That if she is here and I am working, she needs to be pulling her weight. She got upset, and said that she wants to but she can never find the motivation . That she is tired all the time. I said I understood she was depressed, but it isn't an excuse to do nothing and be lazy. No one likes housework, but I won't take any more excuses about it. She needs to start doing it or leave. Next day I come home to a clean house and a note from her saying she was sorry, and is going to stay with her mother (her mom helped her clean before they left). I tried calling but she wouldn't pick up. When I rang the house, her mother answered and had a lot to say. She was furious. Telling me about how she is struggling and I am making her worse. That I should be supporting her not ignoring that she is in a bad place. And so on. I was told my gf had been crying all day in her bedroom, and I feel awful. I never wanted to hurt her, I just snapped. I tried to get her mother to give my gf the phone but she wouldn't speak to me. It feels like a lose - lose situation. On one hand I know depression results in lack of motivation and cleanliness. And on the other I can't stand to see our home in such chaos. I've never had depression so I can't say for sure how bad it truly is. That's why I find it more difficult to 100% empathise. AITA for telling her depression isn't an excuse? ***Judgement - No A-holes here*** **Extra info:** - She has a therapist and talks regularly with them - Her depression is worse since losing her job. Usually she is quite clean and tidy. We don't usually have this issue. - She is looking for a job despite depression etc. I have enough money to support us both in the mean time. ***Advice for OOP in the comments*** **Opposite-Sock** >Coming out of lurker mode for this one. Gentle YTA. I'm sure you mean well, but depression is hard to understand and can be all-consuming for those experiencing it. When I'm in a bad depressive episode, it can be hard to just get out of bed to brush my teeth because even that feels overwhelming. If there are 5 things to clean, I can't figure out where to start and feel like I'll fail if I don't do everything so nothing gets done. It's awful and feels very shameful and lonely. Now she is probably feeling judged by you and doubling down on that horrible internal shame. >It's easier to keep up with tasks than to tackle everything at once. Mess feeds depression. Maybe you could try cleaning together. Having a tidier space will help her have a clearer mind, and keep up with it better. That's my experience anyway. >And I fully support gently encouraging her to talk to a medical doctor, preferably a psychiatrist about medication. Talk therapy alone doesn't do it for some people, myself included. It sounds like her therapist isn't great but switching therapist can be really daunting and traumatic, so if she trusts them, it might not be the best first move right now. >For you, I highly suggest reading some Allie Brosh. She has some of the most real and relatable writing on depression. Start with [**Depression Part 2**](http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html?m=1). I've sent this to many people as a way to understand a bit of what it is like. It sounds like you want what's best for her. But try to educate yourself on what depression really feels like, not just how you can fix her. I hope she finds her shriveled piece of corn soon. --- &nbsp; [**UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iix7su/update_aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_being/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, Aug 29, 2020 Ultimately I realise that the majority of the blame was mine. I never EVER should have called her lazy because that isn't what she is. I lashed out and I shouldn't have. She stayed at her mothers for a few days, and we eventually met up to talk. I told her how it just got too much for me, but it was no excuse for lashing out and I apologised. She apologised also, not that she needed to, and we talked for a long while about how we can make our relationship work. I expressed my concerns over her therapist who is very against anything other than talking therapy. She agreed that he didn't seem to really have her best interests at heart and she is currently looking for someone new. For now, I suggested she stops looking for work. She got a lot of rejections and I could see it was upsetting her more. I just felt we should take a step back from that and I want her to focus a little more on herself. She was unsure as she felt bad that I would be working for both of us, but I assured her it is fine. (I make enough to support us both quite comfortably). I also suggested maybe she could volunteer at some point just to get her out and get some more stuff on her resume. I'm no therapist so these were just suggestions, but it has seemed to have taken some of the pressure off her which is all I wanted. We agreed that being in the apartment all day alone and in bed is not good for her. So, we came up with a plan that she do an exercise video 3 times a week (it's only a 10 minute one), just so she is doing something. She has found she likes doing them, they make her feel a bit better after, and has started something called Yin Yoga now too. To help me, she has ONE chore a day to do. I don't care what it is. It could be dishes or it could just be putting the laundry in the hamper. This rule has at least gotten her out of bed for part of the day and she's found that once she starts she sometimes ends up doing more than one thing. I make sure to show my appreciation for whatever she has done, no matter how small it was. We have set out that every Sunday we will have a deep cleaning day where we get everything done for the week. This has been surprisingly successful. We make it fun and just mess around while still getting things done. It makes the week a lot more manageable when we only have light chores to keep on top of. She is trying more, and I am also working on being more supportive about her depression. I'm researching it more, and learning ways I can help her because it is a part of her. We are both putting more effort in and communicating a lot better. I hope we keep making progress because I do love her very much and want us to work. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15dp4ic/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_being/

15dsjiz

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Murky_Coyote_7737 in r/legaladvice** trigger warnings: >!poop, kinda gross!< This one is short and sweet but I could not stop laughing while reading these. --- &nbsp; [**Diarrhea in sensory deprivation tank**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/10r68nn/diarrhea_in_sensory_deprivation_tank/) - February 1, 2023 Title pretty much sums it up. I paid for a sensory deprivation tank experience not realizing I had contracted norovirus and was about to became symptomatic. Initially I was having a lot of weird hallucination type sensations where I chalked up to the experience (later turned out I had a 103 F fever) and somewhat fell asleep. I woke up to an awful odor and demanded to be let out of the tank and it turned out I had diarrhea’d in it. This alone was a traumatizing experience but now the facility is trying to charge me $8,000 to replace the tank as they do not feel they can safely disinfect this. I don’t recall signing anything with some sort of “diarrhea clause”, am I actually liable here? &nbsp; [**Update on my diarrhea**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/1567sdm/update_on_my_diarrhea/) - July 21, 2023 (almost 6 months later) I posted here awhile ago about having diarrhea in a sensory deprivation tank and the facility wanting me to ultimately pay $12,500 (way more than initially quoted) to replace the tank since they didn’t feel safe deep cleaning it. I just wanted to give an update. I found an attorney willing to represent me and we are saying that since I was asleep there is no one to definitely know I am the one who diarrhea’d in the tank, and it is possible an employee dumped something in. Furthermore, I was there on a promo day where they were having a pancake and sushi luncheon and it’s possible if I were the one to have diarrhea’d it may have been from something I contracted from their food. Everything is pending, but I have hope now. The main downside is my legal fees are rapidly approaching the cost of the tank so I am hoping we can have them pay these. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Short...Update on my diarrhea

ONGOING

Johannes_Chimp

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15dsjiz/shortupdate_on_my_diarrhea/

15dy4f4

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/baby_blue_unicorn **in** r/TrueOffMyChest. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* Trigger warnings: >!Domestic violence, physical assault, mention of rape, trauma, injuries!< Mood spoilers: >!Vulnerable, intense, angry, frustrated, determined, hopeful!< --- &nbsp; [**Going to break some legs this weekend and if I go to jail it will still be hella worth it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/rbgc8f/going_to_break_some_legs_this_weekend_and_if_i_go/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, Dec 08, 2021 May be a little sloppy here because I'm still a bit dizzy. So I live in a split house. We have thin walls. About 6 months ago a new neighbor moved in. I heard loud noises a few times then the first time it progressed to screams, I went over to check on her. Her ex-boyfriend was there, she was crying and asking me to make him leave. I told him to go, he did. No incident. It happened again, and again. Then I heard her say "stop hitting me" so I took my glasses off, put on my flip flops (Friday Night Lights really made me want to knock someone out wearing a pair of flip flops.. don't judge me) and went next door. I skipped knocking, came in and she was curled on the floor crying. I asked where he was, she pointed at the back and I saw him through the window sprinting towards his bike. He used his little legs to pump that sucker as fast as he could. Each time, I called the police. Each time they confirmed he had a warrant out already, each time they did absolutely nothing. It happened again last week, he kicked in her door and raped her. I was sleeping and didn't wake up until towards the end at which point I grabbed pants and a tshirt, skipped putting on shoes and sprinted next door. He was running again. I told him if he came back I'd find him. I asked neighbor his address, gave it to the cops. **Nothing happened!** Today, I went grocery shopping and was walking home from the store when I feel a crack on the side of my face. Sucker punched by the neighbor's crazy ex. He has fist fillers. And friends. They found me. I grew up boxing so I'd like to say I did well but I maybe landed 3 punches during the several man beat down and they apparently did little to deter the further ass beating. I just got back from the hospital maybe an hour ago. My face looks mega fucked up but I still have my teeth and no permanent damage. CT scan was clear even. Police are still not doing anything so I'm going to hit him up on his porch with a friend and we're going to break his legs. I'm actually not concerned at all about being pinched by police for it because at this point their incompetence is endangering my life and the life of my neighbor. A few months in jail is better than being put into a coma. &nbsp; **EDIT** Girlfriend has talked me down from my adrenaline fueled rampage. The new plan is to accelerate my plans to move in with her out west and carry a knife when I need to make trips to the store in the mean time for self defense purposes. Neighbor is currently staying with her dad and looking for a place nobody knows about with the help of a government assistance for abused women program. **EDIT 2** Just wanted to thank all the people giving me support or calling me a hero. I'm usually a pretty down on myself type dude so it really did give me a nice mood boost. Especially since I can't sleep because my goddamn cheek bones and forehead are just a throbbing. I'm definitely not a hero though, if you're sleeping through someone being beaten and you can do something about it, there is something wrong with you. --- &nbsp; *All Updates were added to the original post* **UPDATE** As soon as the Americans woke up, this became an aggressive trollshow of folks who aren't from Canada telling me how great Canadian police are and that this story can't happen. If you don't believe me, tough. I had a bad couple days and I'm just straight up gonna report and mute anybody else. I made this as a vent and kept it up because the positive messages were super cool and helping me through a bad night but honestly, the post UK hours have just made it super shitty to interact here now and so I'm gonna ignore this going forward except for updates for the folks interested in hearing about those. Thanks again to the UK folks and some Cali boys who were super kind earlier. &nbsp; **UPDATE 2** My headache is gone! The neighbor is at her dad's doing the Christmas thing and is confirmed moving by the end of the month for the sake of everyone. She may have to stay with her dad for a bit but as long as she has someone keeping her safe, it's all good. She isn't very internet savvy so I'm not sure she even knows what options are available to her. I know she's been looking into help from the provincial emergency assistance program but if any Ontarians (or maybe just Canadians?) have any advice on what organizations she might be able to get some extra assistance from, I would appreciate a PM! &nbsp; **UPDATE 3** Had a heavy candle holder thrown through my window last night. Cops took it for prints, which surprised me. I doubt that anything will come of it but whatever, I'm moving in the next week or so. I think her dad is going to pay some guys to hunt him for the police so they can actually act on the numerous warrants for this dude. &nbsp; **UPDATE 4** Move is set for a couple weeks from now. Junky only ended up spending a couple days in jail. Apparently this is the standard for the justice system according to the cops (who seem to be equally annoyed by it). I guess what happens is they give him light bail, he posts, he runs, they catch him, give him light bail, he posts.. and no judge ever changes the cycle. I'm going to call the court tomorrow (Southern Ontario) to see if there's maybe somebody I can talk to. Victims services were meh. &nbsp; **Resolution Update** Neighbor just texted me. He's been arrested. Going to go see if she knows any more specifics in a little bit and will share them **if** she has them. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Going to break some legs this weekend and if I go to jail it will still be hella worth it

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15dy4f4/going_to_break_some_legs_this_weekend_and_if_i_go/

15e5hme

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/TIFUTAway555 in r/tifu \*\*trigger warnings: >!cheating, sex work, blackmail!< mood spoilers: >!disappointing!< \-- [TIFU by becoming an accidental porn star and my wife finding out (NSFW)](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/zpmd34/tifu_by_becoming_an_accidental_porn_star_and_my/) \- December 19, 2022 I’m an American guy who lives in Tokyo doing hotel development. My wife is Japanese-American and runs a translation business. My job requires me to travel a lot, including to Bangkok every couple months. As many of you know, Thailand is well known for prostitution. While my wife and I have a great relationship, I can’t go more than a couple weeks without sex, so I do engage in it in Thailand. There’s this one beer bar I like with a great atmosphere, tons of attractive bar girls, and affordable prices. I’ve been there maybe 20 or 25 times, having sex there each time. It’s 1000 baht for the girl short time, plus a 500 baht bar fine and 500 baht for a room. So 2000 baht (about $60 USD) all in. Well, a couple weeks ago I learned that they have cameras in the room, and a lot of ladies record their encounters and sell them online or stream on OF. I learned I’m in a few of these videos. Here’s where the TIFU comes in. I contact the lady asking her to take it down, and she proceeds to dox and blackmail me. I should have just let it be and hoped no one ever found it.I refused to pay her blackmail and just blocked her. Well, yesterday she contacted my wife on Facebook and told her. My wife is currently not talking to me. Tl;dr - accidentally became a porn star, wife found out, now she might leave me Some comments: Prostitution is illegal in Thailand. There is a huge chance that the girls he had sex with were underage and/or the victims of trafficking. OP is a predator. >OOP: So much false information. > >Prostitution is illegal in name only. It’s highly supported by the government because it’s like 5% of the economy. No one gets in trouble over it. It’s like how the USA has laws that say shit like “it’s illegal to wear red pants on Labor Day” > >I haven’t had sex with anyone trafficked or underage. That’s more common in the USA > >You’re a pedo for fantasizing about it. Get help Kind of your own fault, isn't it? >OOP: I’m the victim - it’s the fault of the one doing something illegal Calling yourself a victim huh? You know, this wouldn't of even happened if you weren't cheating on your wife. Literally staying faithful, a simple thing to do, would've saved you from all of this mess. It could've saved you from the blackmailing, having the tape on OF, the recording of the tape honestly, and even the marriage you have now broken because of your stupid mistakes. I feel so bad for your wife honestly >OOP: You are victim blaming. This is no different than the whole “did you see what she was wearing?” BS some people pull AIDS is rampant in Thailand… >OOP: I’m on prep. > >Even if I wasn’t, the girl had HIV, and wasn’t on HIV medication, it’s very unlikely to get hiv from piv \&nbsp; [TIFU (update) on becoming an accidental porn star and my wife finding out.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/zwo1hs/tifu_update_on_becoming_an_accidental_porn_star/) \- December 27, 2022 Some of you may remember my previous post. Essentially, I was illegally recorded and blackmailed by a woman, and my wife found out. A lot has happened since then. 1. Most importantly, my wife and I are doing well. We’re gonna get through this. 2. I talk to the bar owner. It turns out the woman was an agency girl (so she didn’t work for the bar, was just contracted there.) both the bar and agency are upset with her, it sounds like she’s been black listed. My guess is she will become a freelancer since no other agency is likely to pick her up. 3. The agency owner was really pissed off. With his help, I was able to navigate the legal system, and reported it to the police. This would’ve been impossible to do on my own because I am not Thai. It took a couple grease payments, but she is being charged for her crime. It is highly illegal to make pornography in Thailand.Due to the brigading and harassment‘s I’ve received from other sub Reddits and Instagram, I will not be answering further questions. &#x200B; TL;DR - Justice is being served, and my wife and I are doing well. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

TIFU by becoming an accidental porn star and my wife finding out (NSFW)

CONCLUDED

curiousasa

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15e5hme/tifu_by_becoming_an_accidental_porn_star_and_my/

15e5ijt

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/SchoolAppealNo. They posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Positive ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zz8o0u/aita_for_not_appealing_to_the_school_to_get_my/)**: December 30, 2022** So my daughter (14) is in 8th grade and the whole school is by the public highschool. There is a program that allows 8th grades to go experience the basics of chemistry, biology, med, and engineering classes. The kids would go over to the highschool in the morning for a class and miss there elective of the day, so like art class or gym class. Its a pretty good program but it is only for the top students in middle school, basically the best of the best. They also do it for students who are great at literature or arts, but my daughter falls into the science one. My oldest kids before her both did it but my middle child didn't get in. So my daughter gets in trouble a lot, sometimes it for small things for not having her stuff for class but other times its for more important things. Just this year she picked the lock to a art classroom to get some coloring tools. I am talking to the principal at least once or twice a year. Not the mention how many times she has come home with a pink slip (its like a warning). She's the class clown and really bright. No punishment that I have tried made it stop. So today we got the letters who will be getting into the program, it will start next week until she graduates. If you don't get in the letter always tells you why, usually its your grades. Well we opened it today and it basically said she had the grades to do it but due to her discipline record they will not except her into the program. She was very upset and asked me to try to appeal it. There is a process for the school but I told her no. That this is the consequence of her actions and that I have warned her they will catch up. She called me an ass, and my husband is also not happy about what I said **Edit:** She has been evaluated (all the kids were), we also thought she was bored with class so she got moved up and she flunked out. She has been to therapy, but we stopped after she refused to talk to anyone. We tried for 9 months, she would sit in silence. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More info on the program:* "The school always did chemistry in highschool but its the college class ones. So you take it there and it will count towards college.(if you want) I know they did biology in middle school but the highschool biology is more advance." *Is the program the entire year?* "Its about 4 months, its until she graduates 8th grade. Its basically a month of each subject, a sneak peak into the classes. I also don't think I could pull her if she was in the program, it would be a big hassle to the school and I doubt they would want to do that. I could try but I doubt that would work" *Could she just be bored with the class she is in?* "She was moved to a higher class, we thought the same thing. She failed out of it in the trail run." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/158m9q4/update_aita_for_not_appealing_to_the_school_to/)**: July 24, 2023 (7 months later)** It's been a while since the post and some asked for an update with the whole situation. So after the post I took the suggestion of a few people and had here do the whole process to get an appeal from the school. So she did the paperwork and prepared to plead her case to the heads of the program. She did pretty well and wrote a pretty good essay on why she wanted to appeal and why she believes she should be in the program. She also did well when she was pleading her case to the heads of the program which was a science teacher. She is a strict women and I didn't expect much when it happened, and my daughters appeal did not go through. The science teacher when asked broke down why she was not accepting the appeal, I wish she was nicer (she was professional, just a tad blunt) about it but it boiled down to they do not trust her to not distract other students or trust her to behave during labs. She basically was a safety risk that the teacher did not wish to put up with and it would be unfair to the other student. I agree with this. My daughter did not take it well when that happened and hurled some insults at the teacher which proved her point. She was punished for that, and was quite upset about missing the program. It really helped her to mature though. She stopped being the class clown, started to focus on stuff and just behaved. I wasn't called in for the rest of the year. I was worried her attitude would change during the summer but that didn't happen. So we sent her to a STEM camp during the summer since she was interested and she was good, the people gave her glowing reviews and she has a real talent for engineering. She is also happier in general, and her missing the program helped her make friends outside of her friend group. She is still good friends with her friend group that went to the program Now she will be starting highschooler soon and she is going to take some classes with her friends that went to the program. She is going into the chemical and engineering track, which she is really excited for. Thank you for everyone that responded on the post when it first came up, everything really seems to be looking up

AITA for not appealing to the school to get my daughter in a higher-education program?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15e5ijt/aita_for_not_appealing_to_the_school_to_get_my/

15e5ink

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Intelligent_Horse_. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and her own page. **Trigger Warning:** >!child abandonment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly bizarre, but OOP seems like she'll be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/151vwae/wibta_if_i_told_my_parents_i_dont_want_to_go_back/)**: July 17, 2023** Seven years ago my (F17) parents decided to go on a world trip. Because I was too young to join them, they arranged for me to live with their best friends who've they've known since elementary school and they were giving temporary guardianship of me. These friends (let's call them Pete and May) own and live on a horse ranch in Montana, so for me, having lived in Chicago until then, it was a huge change. I was (of course) really angry, depressed and sad at first because I felt like my parents abandoned me. Pete and May really helped a lot in coming to terms with those feelings. They've always treated me like their own daughter and taught me so much. I learned how to ride horses and how to take care of them. I help out on the ranch regularly, while attending school virtually. We go horse riding in the open country and in the mountains every weekend with the three of us. They even gifted me my own horse to care for, and I love her so much. Honestly, this kind of life just sits so well with me. I am genuinely enjoying every second of my life. I do have semi-regular contact with my parents, like once every few weeks. Sometimes a videocall/voicecall, sometimes just an email, postcards, etc. But after the initial period of feeling abandoned, I don't think I ever really missed them. Now my parents have sent me a message saying they're done with their travels and are coming to pick me up so we can live together again, how much they missed me and can't wait to see me again. Which I think is really unfair because if they really missed me they wouldn't have gone off traveling for seven years. And I just don't want to. After living so close to nature for so long, really getting into this lifestyle and spending so much time around the horses, I don't think I can go back to living in the city. I don't want to abandon my horse either, and honestly Pete and May feel more like my parents than my real parents at this point. WIBTA if I told my parents that I don't really miss them and don't want to return to live with them and just want to stay where I am? **Update (Same Post): July 18, 2023 (Next Day)** UPDATE: I didn't expect this to get so many responses. I'm going to try and answer some questions that a lot of people have, though honestly I don't really know a lot of things either. I had a conversation with Pete and May, but they didn't really seem clear on many details either. First off, and probably the most important one, I asked them if they'd allow me to stay, and they told me they consider me their daughter so I can stay as long as I want, they'd love to have me around. So at least regardless of what happens, I at least will have a place to call home. Secondly, a lot of people mentioned that maybe my parents are on the run from the law or something else. I never even thought about that possibility. I guess it could be true, but I don't really know how to find out. Though it's a bit of a scary thought. Thirdly, when Pete and May agreed to take me in, my parents apparently just said they'd go out of the country for a little while. Pete and May took me in under the condition that my parents would visit often, and they agreed, but we know how that went. Pete and May would often call my parents telling them to come visit because I needed my parents, but they never came. Pete and May eventually realised (after like 1 year) that there'd be a reasonable chance that my parents would not come back, despite the semi-regular contact they had with me. So they would raise me the best they could themselves. Asking about how my parents were when they were younger, apparently my parents have always been a bit strange. Very little sense of responsibility, never taking things seriously, always getting in trouble. Guess they didn't really grow out of that phase. This coming weekend I'm going to sit down with Pete to write a proper response to my parents because I don't think I'd be able to write a message without getting emotional. Hopefully once my parents read it things will go like I want them to go, because the more I read the replies here, the more unsure I am about what kind of people my parents actually are. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Do you have a plan for moving forward after high school?* "I (together with Pete and May) have already been looking at attending an online college after I graduated, so I could earn a degree while still living with them. I've grown so attached to them, the horses, the ranch and the general area that I just really can't imagine leaving for any extended amount of time, so going to college to stay in a dorm hasn't really been something I've been interested in. And it was a surprise for sure. I'm not sure what kind of communication Pete and May have had with my parents during these seven years. I can't imagine they approve the way my parents have dealt with all this, and I suspect they kept their opinions to themselves for my benefit." *Were your parents financially supporting you during this time, and did they ever come visit?* "To answer these questions: I honestly don't know. I'll have to ask later. I honestly never really thought about that.They never visited. From the postcards I got they pretty much went to a new country every few weeks or so. I got cards from a lot of Asian countries, Middle-Eastern countries, South-American countries, etc." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Intelligent_Horse_/comments/1583qn7/update/)**: July 24, 2023 (1 week from OG post)** So I'm not really sure how posting updates on the subreddit works so I'm just going to post it on my profile instead. Hopefully it's visible. Last weekend I've written a (long) message with Pete, focusing on what a lot of people have been saying. Things like that I want to finish my school here, that I'm already preparing for college here, how all my friends are here, those kinds of things. And that because of that, I don't want to leave here to begin everything new again in the city. I didn't write anything about not missing them or anything that could cause trouble. I haven't gotten a reply yet (I don't expect one soon since they've always taken weeks to reply before). Secondly, I tried to do a search for my parents names to see whether they're wanted or otherwise running away from something, but wasn't able to find anything. I'm not sure if it's because they have relatively common names or because I'm just bad at searching. One part of me is also scared to look deeper. Some people recommended hiring a private investigator, but aside from it costing a lot of money, I'm not really sure if I actually want to know anymore. I'm not sure if it's better to have parents who are negligent and just decided to travel for years for fun or to have parents who are criminals who were on the run from the law? I guess I'm a bit scared of knowing which one it is, if I'm ever even able to find out. Pete and May insist that they don't know anything other than my parents saying that they'd be out of the country for a while. They have asked my parents often when they'd be back or when they'd visit, but my parents apparently never gave a clear answer. I don't really have any reason to think Pete and May are lieing to me so I think that Pete and May really don't know the reason my parents have been gone for 7 years either. So I guess now I'm just waiting until my parents respond to my message. It's kind of nerve-wracking not knowing what kind of reply I'll get.

WIBTA if I told my parents I don't want to go back to living with them?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15e5ink/wibta_if_i_told_my_parents_i_dont_want_to_go_back/

15e5irk

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Ok_Refuse999. She posted in r/AITAH. **Trigger Warning:** >!parental death;!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly it's ok for OOP but I'm sad for the kids!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/156wb5e/aitah_for_not_watching_my_husbands_kids_so_he_can/)**: July 22, 2023** When my husband and I met he made it clear to me that he wasn’t looking for someone to be a parent to his children. His kids had two parents already and he was just looking for someone that he could have a relationship with, that could be a positive role model. We dated, got married. Everything was fine. I wasn’t allowed to discipline his kids, and I also wasn’t responsible for them. His ex had primary custody and he just had them on the weekends, and typically he spent his time taking them out and stuff. His ex died in a car accident last year. We now have sole custody. I’m fine stepping up and doing more for them. I cook for them, help with homework here and there, etc. He’s upset because he never really wanted kids, they’re twins, and being a full time parent sucks. He wants me to do school drop offs so he can get more sleep, but that’s not really what I signed up for. He’s the one who told me he doesn’t want another parent for his kids. His friends bachelor party is next weekend. They’re going out of town for the weekend and he wants me to watch his kids for three days. I told him no. I don’t want to spend my weekend wrangling two six year olds by myself, who will probably be upset with him gone. They’ve never been away from both parents before, and they’ve been extra clingy to him since their mom died. I know they’d probably spend the whole weekend crying. He thinks I’m being a major asshole because he wants a break, and he can never make up missing that weekend. I think he’s not being fair to me or his kids, I don’t think going golfing and going to a stripclub with friends should be more important than your young children. AITAH? **Update (Same Post): July 23, 2023 (Next Day)** Edit/update: A lot of you have said that the way things are currently aren’t working. And I agree. To this day I’m still not allowed to discipline the twins, and the other day he yelled at them for accidentally calling me mom. It seems like he just wants to keep being the weekend dad and wants me to be the nanny, not their mom. I sat down and had a talk with him this morning about what we want in the future. He said that he wants me to step up and do more for the kids. I brought up the topic of them possibly calling me mom, and me legally adopting them. Because without me adopting them, if we divorce ever I’ll have no rights to seeing them. I don’t want to become a parent to kids that I have no rights to. He said that them calling me mom and me adopting them would be disrespectful to his ex’s memory. We talked some more but he absolutely refused. He just wants me to watch them more so he can have more free time. Still can’t discipline them. So I told him that in that case i will no longer be doing any childcare for him, and I’ll be rethinking our relationship. He’s absolutely pissed, and thinks I’m overreacting. Well see how it goes I guess. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How old are the kids?* "Six year old twins" *Leave him and support any other family members of his in a custody battle:* "No one else wants the kids, her family cannot take them" *Is he controlling in other ways?* "We have separate finances. I make a lot more money and I own our house, premarital asset. I don’t think he’s typically controlling, he’s just insistent that I’m not his children’s mother. He constantly reminds me of it. I suggested therapy but he isn’t willing, he thinks therapy is for wimpy teenagers basically. At this point I’m starting to just give up" *Define discipline:* "I couldn’t put them in timeout when they threw a shoe at my cat" *One more thought from OOP:* "That’s how I feel. I’ve met his ex before. She wouldn’t be happy with how their children have been raised since. Still, he insists he does not want me to be their parent. I don’t think there’s much i can do on that front. I can either be an unpaid babysitter without any legal rights to the kids, or I can leave. I could also stay with him and just not involve myself with the kids, but I don’t think that’s fair to them." ***AITAH does not have an overall voting consensus, but most of the comments seemed to be NTA, especially after OOP's edit*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/158dhk3/update_were_getting_a_divorce/)**: July 24, 2023 (2 days from OG post)** Title: Update: we’re getting a divorce Many of you said that the arrangement we had before wasn’t working, and the children need us to step up and be good parents. And I agreed. My husband however, wants me to do the childcare chores (school pickups and drop offs, laundry, making dinner, etc) but won’t let the kids call me mom (they’ve done it on accident and he’s yelled at them), he won’t let me adopt them, and I can’t discipline them (I can’t put them in timeout for bad behavior). Basically, he wants me to do the chores to make his life easier while he’s their only real parent. I mentioned to him my concerns, that I don’t think it’s fair to them to deny them a mother when they obviously want one. I also don’t want to build a stronger emotional bond with children that I have no legal rights to. I couldn’t imagine that I become their full time caretaker and then we get divorced and I never get to see them again. That wouldn’t be fair to me or them. The woes of being a stepparent, I guess. Despite all my concerns, he’s not budging. I’ve told him that in that case, I want a divorce. I contact a divorce attorney, that’s a personal friend, yesterday and I was advised to give him thirty days notice to move out. Before starting an eviction process. The house is mine from before we were married. My husband is mad because I’m the breadwinner, 200k vs 40k, and he can’t afford to house his children in the same school district and give them the same quality of life. He wants me to give him my house “for the sake of the children”, yet I don’t think he’s ever cared that much about what’s best for them. I’m terribly sorry for the kids, that their mom died and their dad sucks as a parent. But I can’t resolve myself to be an unpaid babysitter for their sake. It’s obvious I wasn’t being viewed as an equal partner. I think I’m done dating parents. My cat is done dealing with kids too. Edit: guys he’s not getting alimony. I live in an anti-alimony state and we were married a year. We also have a prenup. I have a good lawyer, I don’t need the “oh he’s definitely getting alimony” comments. ***Relevant Comments:*** *One more on alimony:* "In my state it’s almost impossible to get alimony. You can only get alimony if you were married for many years and you can prove that you can’t meet your basic needs because of the conditions of your marriage. For example: a stay at home wife gets divorced at 80, and is too old to work. He has no chance of getting it lol." *Cat:* "My cat has always hated my soon to be ex. Maybe it was a sign" *Can the kids be adopted by anyone else in the family, especially on their mom's side?* "Her dad died when they were young, her mother wants nothing to do with the kids because they’re mixed race, and her sister is a mess that shouldn’t be around the kids." "His mom posts on Facebook about how much she loves being a grandma but never visits the kids. Which is uncommon for Asian families but whatever. His dad works a lot. And he’s an only child. His family just isn’t around other than holidays." *Why were you with him?* "He is hot and his penis is kinda magic. I’m kind of embarrassed, everyone on this post can easily figure out what I was interested in lol." *Annnnd one more gem:* "He begged me not to divorce him, but I thought it was kind of pathetic and didn’t bother to put it in the post."

AITAH for not watching my husbands kids so he can go on a trip?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15e5irk/aitah_for_not_watching_my_husbands_kids_so_he_can/

15e5kk5

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Odd_Bar732 **AITA for telling my brother to F off because he thinks I spoil my wife to much?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Racism!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Happy for OOP and his wife!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/153gz83/aita_for_telling_my_brother_to_f_off_because_he/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **July 19, 2023** I 28M told my brother 35M to F off because he thinks I spoil my wife 24F to much. Here’s some back story: Me and my brother come from a comfortable family and it was pretty known that one day he’d take over the family firm. But that didn’t happen because my brother wanted to be an engineer so I stepped in to fill his spot, it wasn’t on purpose I just enjoyed the family business. I also invested in a lot of things and have multiple streams of income. My wife comes from an unfortunate background so I like to fulfill a lot of her childhood dreams. I love to see her face when I take her new places and buy her new things. And I honestly think that what’s she deserves, she’s worked hard her whole life and I just wanna make the rest of her life easier. I don’t wanna burden her with things she’s dealt with as a child. And my wife also struggles with mental health and I treasure taking her on vacation or sending her on one so she can have a break from her mind. Look I am obsessed with my wife okay. And I know sometimes I can go overboard but it’s a way of me expressing my love language. I send her flowers because she loves them, our wedding was wild flower themed. So last Sunday was our wedding Anniversary so yes I filled our house with wildflowers. Yes that seems dramatic but my wife loved it so I don’t care. My family came over and made us dinner to celebrate our Anniversary. It was a great time I enjoyed sharing this with my family. Until I stepped away to talk with my brother. I will say we had a few drinks and yes we know how to put it down we’re Italian. We start having a civil conversation about our wives. It was fine until my brother said “You spoil your wife way to much my wife think it’s to compensate for a bad marriage.” OF course I was pissed, and on all days he had to say it on my anniversary. I snapped, I told him to F off and if his wife and him think like this they’re no longer welcome in my home or around my wife. Him and his wife eventually left but not without a fight. My SIL shouted at my family saying “I don’t know we treat that outsider like family.” My mother was pissed probably more than my wife. And her comment I don’t know if it was racist(my wife is black) or classiest I’m starting to think a mixture of both. But anyway AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **null640** >I hope she spoils you as much! **OOP replied** >She does in fact, I enjoy photography and she usually buys me all my cameras and stuff like that. She also does a lot emotionally, and for my family she has a different love language than my own and I enjoy that. I didn’t get a lot of affection growing up but now I get it with her I’m great full for that. * **lifeiswonderful-1990** >YTA - it does come off that you are compensating for something. Would the Mrs. be fine if you didn't spoil her for a bit? Or would she throw a tantrum? Or are you scared to find out and hence carry on with over the top display of "love" **OOP replied** >Actually I don’t think I am, me and my wife find the time to communicate with each other and quite effectively. And it took quite a while for my wife to actually feel comfortable taking gifts from me because in the past people have taken advantage of her after buying her things. I didn’t get to buy her real expensive stuff until we got married and now I just wanna show her what I can offer her. And my wife is not the kind to throw a fit when she doesn’t get her way. My wife would be fine not receiving gifts from me it’s me who likes giving them to her. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/158mh5c/update_aita_for_telling_my_brother_to_f_off/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 24, 2023** So an update is me and brother have had a talk we have decided that we were both drunk and said a few things. But I’m keeping my distance because of his wife’s comments. I’ve read through the comments on my last post and I can agree I think my SIL is a bit racist from some passive aggressive comments she made about my wife but she apologized for them in the past. Another issue why I’m keeping such a distance from my SIL is because me and my wife are pregnant(she told me this week). I’m really concerned situations like this will happen around my child and I don’t want that. I don’t want my child to think I would allow micro aggressions thrown at them in their own home. I told my brother this and he understands, but he’s hurt that I think about his wife in such way. But I simply don’t care I can’t sympathize with them on this. My SIL is a grown woman and knows exactly what she says and how they can affect people. Another thing I wanna address is my brother has bought my SIL a whole lot and have taken her on multiple vacations. And my brother makes enough money to provide what I do and I’ll be honest he has a trust fund I’m sure is more than enough. Yes I do make a bit more money and that’s only because of outside income and my wife has a good job as well she makes good money she works in marketing. So I don’t think my SIL is jealous of what I provide but maybe what I give to my wife emotionally. And well my Mother and Sister aren’t speaking to my SIL at the moment and she’s blaming my wife instead of me. This just makes me want to distance myself from her more. One more thing is yes my wife spoils me just as much lol. She always doing things for me for example she’s been really into making bento boxes and she’s been making me them everyday to take for lunch. She also buys me a lot for film me and my friends have made short films since college. And she recently bought me a new electric guitar for my birthday in may that I’ve been wanting for a long time. And of course she buys me things sporadically at target when she goes just to go. Anyway there’s an update I’m just keeping my distance from them hopefully nothing blows up. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for telling my brother to F off because he thinks I spoil my wife to much?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15e5kk5/aita_for_telling_my_brother_to_f_off_because_he/

15e87f1

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwra43434343 **How do I (38M) reassure my wife (34F) that I’m not having an affair with my assistant (24F) at work?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Talk of infidelity, insecurity of one's body!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12auopl/how_do_i_38m_reassure_my_wife_34f_that_im_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Apr 3, 2023** So about 6 months ago I got a promotion at my job, and with the promotion I also got an assistant who I’ll call Marcie. When I mentioned to my wife, who I’ll call Emma, that I was getting an assistant she did make a couple of jokes about “sleeping with my secretary” but I didn’t think anything about it at the time, looking back I’m thinking that she was actually being serious and was already suspicious from the start just of the whole concept. But what happened to make me make this post is that over the last few weeks I noticed Emma acting like she had a problem with Marcie: if I talked about my day at work and I mentioned Marcie’s name, Emma rolled her eyes or made a snarky comment. I stopped mentioning Marcie, but then Emma would ask about her specifically and still have some rude little comment to make. So finally I asked Emma if something had happened, l was thinking that maybe she had called for me and Marcie had been short with her on the phone or something. Instead Emma brought up a random Friday back in January when she stopped by wanting to surprise me by taking me out to lunch, and “caught me” having lunch with Marcie. So to explain, Marcie and I have a weekly meeting on Fridays where we go over our projects and whatnot for the week, and during these meetings we order lunch and eat in my office. To me this seems completely normal and professional, but Emma thought it signified that we’re having an affair. I tried to explain to Emma that I don’t follow this logic, but she just kept saying that it obviously looked suspicious and then she brought up another time when I was late coming home and didn’t have a good excuse as to why not. I don’t even remember the night that she’s talking about, I can only assume I was late because of traffic or something like that because I certainly wasn’t cheating on her or doing anything else nefarious. But what can I do to reassure Emma that her concerns are unfounded? We’ve been together for 4 years, married for 1.5 years, and I’ve never cheated on her or done anything to make her think I was untrustworthy. I have no idea how to reason with her here because from what I can see she’s basing all of this on the fact that she just doesn’t like me having a female assistant. And I don’t want to fire Marcie or anything like that just to make Emma feel better, because she’s good at her job and hasn’t done anything wrong either. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/141ssuu/update_how_do_i_38m_reassure_my_wife_34f_that_im/) **June 5, 2023** Hello, everyone! I have an update on the situation with my wife. After I posted and read everyone's advice, it really just solidified my worry that I couldn't do anything to reason with my wife because her concerns were unreasonable in the first place. Everything I could think of or that someone suggested to prove to her that I wasn't having an affair with Marcie (or anyone) was either something I'd already told my wife or something that, the more I thought about it, I didn't feel it was fair that I should have to convince her of at this point in our relationship. So instead I sat down with her and just explained to her how hurt it made me feel that she didn't trust me after 4 years together where I'd never done anything to make her doubt me, and that it wasn't fair for me to be on trial when I hadn't done anything wrong and she didn't have any good reason to think that I had, and then I asked her if she really honestly thought I was cheating on her or if there was something else going on that she wasn't telling me about. She got really upset by the last part because she thought I was accusing her of cheating, which turned the conversation into a fight but then afterwards she at least finally understood how I felt and then after that she apologized and actually started talking to me about what's been going on in her head lately. So long story short there were really 3 factors that were making my wife insecure about my working relationship with Marcie, some of which were things that commenters on my first post guessed correctly, and none of them were really things that had anything to do directly with our relationship. First- one of my wife's good friends got divorced last year, which I knew about but I didn't know any of the details as to what happened. My wife told me that the cause was her husband having an affair with "the coworker that he told his wife not to worry about". Apparently supporting her friend through that situation was feeding into my wife's insecurities about me having a new assistant, she actually admitted that part of the reason she decided to stop by my office that one time was also because she wanted an excuse to get a look at Marcie and that was why she got so angry about us having lunch together. Second- my wife says that after switching to the new gym she feels more insecure about her body/looks than she ever used to because she's the least fit person in all of her classes now. (I did suggest that she should go back to her old gym where she feels more comfortable but she says she'd rather power through until she can catch up to everyone at the new gym and I'm just going to let her do what she wants on this one.) Third- apparently my wife had been having "weird menstrual symptoms" for the past few months but she didn't think it was anything to be worried about, I got her to go to the doctor and it turns out she's starting menopause. She agreed that her hormones being out of whack is likely a big part of why she got so unreasonably upset about all this. So after we talked my wife said she'd stop bringing up Marcie and so far she hasn't mentioned it again. And then after she saw her doctor she also started a mild antidepressant that's supposed to help with the emotional symptoms of menopause, but's only been a couple of weeks so I'm not sure if I've noticed any effect yet. But we're past the original issue, it seems like it was a lot less to do with my wife not trusting me and a lot more to do with just a bunch of internal stressors that she was dealing with that happened to result in her getting fixated on this one issue. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

How do I (38M) reassure my wife (34F) that I’m not having an affair with my assistant (24F) at work?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15e87f1/how_do_i_38m_reassure_my_wife_34f_that_im_not/

15ei1u5

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/17547R4P in r/HelpMeFind** trigger warnings: >!cheating!< mood spoilers: >!positive?!< --- &nbsp; [**Help! Relationship is one the line**](https://www.reddit.com/r/HelpMeFind/comments/1564stb/help_relationship_is_one_the_line/) - July 21, 2023 [OP's Photo](https://i.redd.it/9dm28p5rsedb1.jpg) Husband found this wrapper when cleaning and now thinks I’m cheating on him! Please prove my innocence Redditors! ***Redditors overwhelmingly agree that this appears to be a corner of a Magnum Bareskin condom wrapper.*** ***Relevant comments:*** u/Rinzlerx >[To compare.](https://preview.redd.it/kxe16q60afdb1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c3cd16045c7c5be58e2d0e9c0cd1bd94b130fa1) Somebody cheating 🤷‍♂️ u/lessa_jay >Ok, so what if it is a condom wrapper... How does that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the op is the one who used said condom? A tiny scrap of trash like this could have been tracked in on a shoe from the ground, stuck in someone's clothing or hair as they brushed past someone else with it sticking out of a purse/pocket/bag (these kinds of cut edges are notoriously rife with little plastic barbs that stick to ALL SORTS of cloth), they could have sat on it in a friend's car, or even brushed by a public trash bin in a bathroom or something! There are literally a million ways a tiny corner of a wrapper could grab onto some part of your person and end up in a place you don't expect... >And while all this strikes me as pretty fucking gross, and makes me wanna sanitize my entire body, as well as any and all bags and purses I carry with me anywhere 🤢, it absolutely DOES NOT prove that the condom in question was definitively used by anyone even in the immediate vicinity, let alone inside your actual house. 🤦🏻 >I echo a number of people here who have said something along the lines of: if your husband is that willing to jump to an accusation of infidelity, and if you're guilty until proven innocent, I would be looking at other things in your relationship that might not be the healthiest, like your trust and communication. 🥺 I'm terribly sorry you're going through this, OP. I wish you all the best luck, and if your spouse is really a stand-up human, they'll figure out that the logic of the vast array of scenarios that could have played out in order for that tiny corner of plastic wrapper to end up in your home are as vast as the stars in the night sky, and he'll apologize for being an ass and jumping to obviously shitty and untrue conclusions. 💞 **OP:** >Wow this comment has me overwhelmed by emotion. Our relationship is in no way perfect and this wrapper does expose multiple underlying issues. I appreciate your maturity approaching what it may be, this comment specifically has made me confident in trying to approach the situation calmly and talk things out! I can’t thank you enough 💗 &#x200B; &nbsp; [**Update**] - Same day Hey guys I appreciate the comments either verifying it’s a condom wrapper or verifying it isn’t! Negative or positive! Now as I look into it, many comments have opened my eyes to the cracks in our relationship and the fragility it has. I am going to speak with my husband and address a few issues many have been speaking on. Such as projection, trust, and what we can do to fix those things. I know it seems childish to post to Reddit to try and find answers but I would like everyone to know I did initially try to address the issue, but when it comes to talking things out my husband stonewalls me. So I felt the only way to save it was find absolute evidence that it wasn’t a condom. I told him I was going to post on Reddit as well but he has refused to look through the comments with me, in his words “he just wants to drop it and doesn’t want this to turn into an hours long endeavor.” Our communication has never been solid and my husband has always had trust issues. We have both made our mistakes but have both never cheated on eachother. Now, I will say we had just recently gotten into an extensive argument in which I found out he had been hiding his relationship with multiple female coworkers, text convos with them, smoking with them and had been to social events with them. and while I want to maintain our trust and not try to automatically assume there was something more he was hiding it will definitely be a point in our conversation. I feel he may be trying to find dirt on me to rid himself of his guilt in what he hid and that he hasn’t cheated or that there may be something more. Now i do still hope anyone if they have any idea that it may be something different please feel free to comment away and I will get back to you guys after I have that conversation with my husband. I will update you when I can! Thank you all! 💗 &nbsp; **OP elaborates in the comments:** >Hey guys I know there is a lot of discourse concerning whether this may be the item! To put it to the test and ensure what many of you are saying I ordered a package of these condoms to be delivered today by 3pm! I will take a side by side photo including both wraps so hopefully it can be settled once and for all! To also speak on something else I’ve been seeing, of course anyone seeing a wrapper like this would think it may be a condom wrapper, but going in with the mindset that he hasn’t cheated or I hadn’t when posting this is exactly why i thought it was probably something that just looked very similar. When the item was first brought up by my husband he asked me “what is this” but in his tone I knew he thought that I was up to something sketchy, I didn’t deny that it looked like a condom wrapper but I started inspecting the item and trying to think of any other possibility of what it could be, when I said it looks like there’s a B in the corner he snapped and said that looks like a T (aka a Trojan) his tone after me telling him that if it was a condom it’s not mine and that it might be something that looks similar was accusatory and he resigned himself to the state of “just forget it I know you cheated on me and if you have no way to prove it’s not yours that’s what I’ll keep on believing.” I tried asking him how I should have approached the situation so that I could show him I’m not having sex with anyone and he couldn’t give me an answer. Hence my desperation, if I couldn’t find an answer to what this is I would be left in my relationship with my husband forever thinking that I cheated on him and just don’t want to admit it. And I know that says a lot about our relationship and perhaps my pride, but i combed through everything I could find to see if it may be something else. After the comment about talking with my husband was posted to try and resolve what the issue was, it did not work out and became fairly explosive. With his unwillingness to communicate and my unwillingness to drop it. As I was speaking with him he said the more I keep trying to talk about it the more guilty I look, and I told him the reason I keep trying to talk is because I know he thinks I’m cheating on him still and I don’t have any peace of mind. And I have people saying it would be manipulative to try to get him to believe me? But that would only be manipulative if I was actually cheating? So I was clueless on how to approach the situation. And that is a continuous cycle we have in where he doesn’t want to talk about it and just leaves. And me getting frustrated and just slamming him with sensory overload via fast talking. (Which I do need to work on) So he left to our balcony and didn’t come back until late at night and played video games and went to sleep. A bit of insight as well. We are introverted people and just moved out to Phoenix six months ago. We live in an apartment with my brother the same age as us and my stepdad visit for months at a time. We have a dog. He has a job at a grow 20 minutes away. His work hours are from 8-5 sun-thurs. I work remotely 6:45-3:15 sun-thurs. We have one car. I have a female friend (friends for 8 years) who lives in downtown Phoenix that I’ve visited a max of four times since we’ve been here, yes he’s met her and we actually did a project with her at her house 2 days ago. He has friends from work, he goes to MITA (weed) events in Scottsdale. I have not met his friends and as I said before he completely hid his female friends from me, who also attend those events, hang out with him at work and smoke in his car with him. I have never met his friends. He looks through my phone and knows my passwords. I know his phone password as well. We do not interact with anyone at our complex. If anyone want any more info that may crack the case that I’m leaving out please feel free to ask. I appreciate all insight. &nbsp; u/xBullsOnParadex >Have you asked if it's your brother's? &nbsp; [**Update comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/HelpMeFind/comments/1564stb/help_relationship_is_one_the_line/jt1x96j/?context=3) - July 22, 2023 (next day) Found! GUYS I HAVE NEWS THE MYSTERY IS SOLVED ! The item is… a condom wrapper! Lo and behold, I swallowed my pride and pushed away any awkwardness and asked my brother via text and he uses the exact same brand! I confirmed with my stepdad too that he has found the exact same wrappers around the house. Thank you especially to those of yo I who printed me to ask members of the household. I appreciate everyone’s input and can rest assured. Now of course everything isn’t all peachy and this little piece of foil really caused a hurricane in our relationship that was bound to happen. Trust issues on both ends, whether warranted or not, they were there and need addressing. In hindsight I see how inflammatory my divulging of relationship info caused a rift in the comments and created a real messy back and forth. I felt I had no one to talk to. My emotions were out of control because I felt there was no trust there, regardless I was immature about a lot of it and should have kept the post simple. Please don’t attack each others morality based on this post, because either opinion could be warranted in situations like these. Best regards everyone. And wish me luck trying to repair the damage. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Reddits needs help identifying trash to save a relationship

CONCLUDED

ynwestrope

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ei1u5/reddits_needs_help_identifying_trash_to_save_a/

15ejw78

**This post was made by** u/Ok_Serve6325 **on** r/AITAH Trigger Warning: >!Infidelity!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/154rw4g/aitah_for_telling_my_parents_they_should_just_get/) \- 20 Jul 2023 I (16m) have really dysfunctional parents. My dad cheated on my mom when she was pregnant with my sister (9f). My mom didn't want to divorce because she didn't want us to come from a broken home. My mom used to be a family therapist. She thinks divorce has a negative effect for the children. So they decided to reconcile and stay in the marriage "for the kids". That is not going well. My mom quite her job and took a low paying teacher's job to focus more on the house. As far as I know they went to counseling and tried to work on their marriage but I can see there is tension between them. From outside they look like a happy couple but they just ignore each other at home. My dad didn't stop cheating. This is like a cycle. My dad gets caught cheating, he begs my mom to give him another chance, mom forgives him and he stays good for few days before going back to his old habits. Each time I can see the life draining from my mom's eyes. I can see she is exhausted too. It hasn't been easy for me either. I dreaded coming home, I joined a summer program just to get away from home. My mom and dad tried to be civil but my mom obviously lost all feelings for dad. She just doesn't care if he comes home late at night or not. My sister is suffering as well. She grew up around all of this. I tried to get help from my school's counselor but it was a dead end. Last week, my mom and dad were fighting. My mom was having an affair with a teacher in her school. My dad got furious. My mom called him names. Called him a hypocrite and told him the only reason she is in this marriage is for the kids. I yelled "Then just get a divorce!". My mom and dad were a bit shocked because normally I do not scream. My mom called me ungrateful that she has sacrificed so much to keep this family together. I told her "how is that going on? Clearly you both have failed in it. Just fucking get a divorce and leave me and my sister out of this toxic home" My dad grounded me. He cancelled my trip for the November as a result and also cut off my allowance. The only reason I have my laptop is for my school. Did I say something wrong? &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/157gcgc/update_aitah_for_telling_my_parents_they_should/) \- 23 Jul 2023 So, a miracle happened. My mom came to my room and talked to me. It was few hours after I posted it. She was way more calm than she usually is. She asked me if I really wanted the divorce to happen? I told her my side. I told her my experience of seeing them being hateful towards each other, seeing her suffer because my dad won't stop cheating. I knew dad was a pos but I was more angry with her for not leaving when she had the chance. How can she think that this is a good thing for us? She never cared how I thought of dad when I learned he was cheating? I dreaded seeing her suffer. I dreaded seeing their marriage and I am afraid I am not going to marry in future because of watching them. I always wondered why are they even together if they don't love each other. I was a child sure, but I wasn't an idiot. My mom cried. She told me there was several times she thought about leaving but couldn't because she thought she was doing the wrong thing and it will make me and my sister suffer. When she started her affair she was slowly sorting things out for her. She has been planning her exit since then. She had already contacted a divorce lawyer and drafted the papers. And she was going to serve my dad later but her affair got exposed. She wanted the divorce to be amicable but now it seems it is not possible because my dad is refusing to divorce her. I told her it will be better if me and my sister lives with our uncle for a while. She admitted that it is a good choice. I hugged her and she called my uncle the next morning. Me and my sister left with him. My mom also left the house leaving my dad alone. My dad tried to argue that she cannot leave him but since my uncle was there he couldn't do much. My mom told me and my sister than she will call and she is staying with a friend of hers. I think this time she will go through the divorce. I don't care who cheats on whom. I just wish all of this to end. I may come back once my parents get a divorce. &#x200B; **I am not OP.**

AITAH for telling my parents they should just get a divorce

ONGOING

Genuine_friend012

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ejw78/aitah_for_telling_my_parents_they_should_just_get/

15elijt

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/fhdksTHROWAWAY **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!Surprise, Contentment, Tension, Frustration, Justification!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for buying a $50,000 guitar for $4,000 and refusing to sell it back when the buyer found out the real value?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ftum7d/aita_for_buying_a_50000_guitar_for_4000_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, April 02, 2020 This happened a while back. My wife and I still talk about it every once in a while. She's on my side and most of our friends and family are. However when it happened it was like WW3 between us and her co-workers and others. Here we go...I've been playing the guitar for 22 years. I know guitar values and whatnot very well. I'm very into the guitar market. At my wife's old company she was hanging out with co-workers one day after work and she mentioned that I play guitar. A co-worker who I guess is very popular at work said that his dad passed away and he was selling his dads things. His dad had a guitar and asked my wife if I'd be interested in it. My wife texted me and I said to have him send me the info on the guitar and the price. The next day he texted me the pics and price. It was a 1952 Telecaster in mint condition. He had the original receipts which was crazy! (That's how I knew the date). I asked what he wanted for it and he said he "looked up Telecasters online and he thinks $4,000 is fair". I texted back, "I'll take it for $4,000" and went to pick it up. The guitar had no sentimental value to him at all. Here's the issue at hand. The guitar was/is worth approximately $50,000 depending on the buyer and I knew it. When I got the guitar I told my wife the price and what it was worth. She was floored. Fast forward two weeks her co-worker tells my wife he just found out what the guitar was actually worth from a family friend and wanted it back. She said, "well he really likes the guitar and he knew it was worth $50,000 which is why he was floored you offered it to him for $4,000. He really likes it and I doubt he will sell it back, but you can ask." (Probably not the smartest thing for her to say, but she was caught off guard and it's not her fault or problem). He contacted me and asked to buy it back. I said that it's not for sale. He then said I scammed him and he was going to "sue me and take my wife to HR for being a part of the scam." Which was nuts, but he actually did contact HR. They were cool about it and said it's not their problem. It's between him and me. Over the next few months he made things very uncomfortable for my wife at work. He would bug her constantly about it. She eventually had to go to HR for harassment and they actually let him go (She complained twice and he was warned and didn't stop). He's contacted me several times about it so I got a restraining order for harassment too. I blocked him too. I haven't heard from him in about a year. AITA? ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; **UPDATE** - Fri, April 03, 2020 [*Update was added to the original post*] Well this post blew up way beyond what I was expecting. It looks like I was voted Not The Asshole. There's over 5000 comments. I couldn't read them all, but I did read a lot. Just to clear up some things. I left somethings out because I didn't want it to influence opinions and really wanted it to be about me buying a guitar at significantly lower market value vs the people in the story. I did include the fact that the guy was harassing my wife at work not to make the guy sound bad, but because I thought it was relevant to the story. Here's some specific details I chose not to include: The guy and his dad were not close at all. So those people saying he was grieving and I took advantage of him, that is 100% not the case. When I went to get the guitar he was telling me he hadn't talked to his dad in six years and was actually annoyed he had to deal with a funeral. The dad bought the guitar new and never played it. Luckily it was stored in a closet and not in a basement or attic. There's no issue with the wood or electronics. It plays like a dream and I couldn't be happier. I am not selling the guitar to the son or anyone. It will be with me for a long time. I'm in my 30's so maybe in 30 years it will find a new home. I would have MAYBE considered giving the guy more money or giving him one of my guitars to sell on his own, but I decided not to do that after he left a terrible voicemail on my phone the day he found out the real value. He demanded it back like he was entitled to an object he sold fair and square, called me a POS, called my wife a POS and said he would "do bad things" if I didn't sell him the guitar back. And to those people who say they would have told the guy the real value. That's a load of horse shit. If you went to a garage sale/estate sale and saw an item worth $5000 priced at $50 there's not a snowballs chance in hell you would walk up to the homeowner and tell them they mis-priced it. You'd buy the item and then tell all your friends and family what a great score you got! Don't even kid yourself like you wouldn't do that. I don't feel bad about buying an awesome guitar at a steal of a price. I was curios what others would think and it looks like I'm not the asshole so thank you reddit. I can play the guitar with zero guilt now. Not like I felt guilty before, but now my feelings are justified. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for buying a $50,000 guitar for $4,000 and refusing to sell it back when the buyer found out the real value?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15elijt/aita_for_buying_a_50000_guitar_for_4000_and/

15emy0o

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/sugohfu **in** r/tifu. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* Trigger warnings: >!N/A!< Mood spoilers: >!Anxiety, Panic, Relief!< --- &nbsp; [**TIFU by hiding in my girlfriend's room when her strict Asian parents suddenly came home**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/gk7wiu/tifu_by_hiding_in_my_girlfriends_room_when_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Fri, May 15, 2020 Long-time Reddit reader, first time making an account because I am currently stuck in my girlfriend's room while she and her family are having dinner downstairs. I haven't eaten since morning nor showered, and I need to take a shit. Backstory to this morning, since the lockdown for COVID-19 happened, I haven't seen my girlfriend for over a month plus. Our government recently relaxed the quarantine, so we are allowed to go out but not loiter. Woke up to my girlfriend's call around 11 am saying that her parents went out to get something. I thought okay, I'll come over, return her a camera I borrowed, and maybe we can sit in my car around her neighborhood and hang out awhile. It was a little rushed as her parents just left her house as I left mine. I'm about 20 minutes away from her place. She assured me her parents will be out for at least 1 and a half hours as they need to get lunch. I drove as fast as I could and picked her up from the front of the house, and we drove to a park nearby to hang out. After a couple of minutes, I ask if she brought some water as I asked her about it before I came, and she said no. She said, "Why don't you come in and take some water since her parents will still be far away." I said yes (obviously) and went in, drank water, and we sat on the couch for a while to cuddle. I was a little paranoid, but I haven't seen her in a long time, so I needed it. About 10 minutes later, we hear a car outside her house, and that's how I f**ked up; it was her parents. They were only out for 40 minutes. FML we panicked. Luckily I parked away from her house and took my slippers in. I contemplated just owning up and lying that I needed to use the toilet, but her mom is really difficult. She would assume my girlfriend was lying and get her trouble, and I haven't even met her parents officially as her boyfriend yet. If you are from an Asian family or have heard of Asian parents being strict about relationships, it's true. We both ran up to her room, and I hid behind her door. Mind you, her room is really small. It's about the size of two single beds. Can't hide under the bed as she has to keep her door open, and you can see straight under her bed from the stairs. The only place possible is behind her door. I stood there frozen af as she went down to greet her parents. I could hear them coming in as I hugged the wall as tightly as I could. She came back up freaking out, but I said it's okay. Let's just try to formulate a plan. She said okay, and she went down to eat with them first. Which I had then had to stay as silent as possible with no fan or air-conditioning, so I sweated my ass off. 1 pm ish, she comes back up, and we try to listen whether her parents are coming up or not. They usually sit downstairs after lunch and nap, which they did. Gave me a little bit of relief as I could sit down on the floor. The space in between the door and her table is super tiny, which is uncomfortable, but I'm not complaining. 2 pm, her dad comes up to shower, and her door is right next to the bath area. F**k, I can hear the water rushing. But good news, my girlfriend is in the room doing her work, so she can look out. It's weird as I'm just standing up behind the door and looking at her look back at me. After his shower, her dad leaves to go to his store, which leaves her mom downstairs. She gets on a long phone call, which gives me a bit of room to relax. My girlfriend and I make out a bit to calm our nerves, and I gotta say it did help. For the next three hours, her mom stays downstairs, and we try to formulate a plan, but everything involves the timing of her parents, which is impossible. Can't jump out the window cause it's grilled, and she doesn't have the key... 5.30 pm ish, her dad comes home and almost f**king COMES INTO HER ROOM. He asks her to print something, and she quickly walks to her door to stop him from coming in. I hear his voice right outside the door. Thankfully, he walks away and goes down to watch TV. And I swear to God the universe wants us to suffer because right after that, her mom comes upstairs and hangs about the common area. My girlfriend had recorded a zoom meeting, so she tells her mom she has a meeting and plays it, closing the door, giving my legs much-needed rest, and I sit. 7 pm, her mom calls her from downstairs that it's time to eat. And that's where we are at now. It's currently 9 pm at this sentence, and I can hear her family talking to each other. She has to turn off the lights, fan, and air-conditioning, so I'm freaking drenched in my sweat in the dark. I'm sitting down, but I've got pins and needles in my feet now. I would stand up, but because the area is so tight, I don't want to risk any noise. Oh, remember how I haven't eaten and need to shit? That's attacking now. My stomach is growling, and I'm making fart noises. I'm so scared to be caught cause my parents are gonna slaughter me too. My girlfriend and I will discuss our plans for me to escape when she comes up... &nbsp; ***All Updates were added to the original post*** **UPDATE 1** They are done with dinner. My girlfriend brought me some water and biscuits, but I don't have the appetite to eat. Don't want to drink too much as I would risk needing to go to the toilet. She went back to do the dishes. **UPDATE 2** It's 9 pm, and my girlfriend is in her room. She told her family she is playing Animal Crossing with her friends, so hopefully her parents don't barge in. We're gonna formulate a plan for me to escape now. I can finally stretch my legs. **UPDATE 3** WE HAVE A PLAN. 9.30 pm We're going to wait for their parents to head up to their room. She's going to check if their door is closed and where they are looking at it. She'll bring me downstairs, and I'll hide in the storeroom. She'll then go and tell her parents she's taking photos of the night, and no worry if the door alarm rings (cause they have an alarm system in place). She'll unlock the main door, the outside small gate, and leave it open for a bit (gated and guarded area, so it's pretty safe). She'll go check on her parents as they like to look at what she is doing from their room. Once she's confirmed they are not looking, she'll get me from the storeroom, I'll go all the way out and hide behind a pillar in front of her house. She'll lock everything and go back up and check her parents are not looking out, and I'll walk to my car (so I don't startle her dog). Sounds pretty legit as she knows her parents' schedule the best. **UPDATE 4** 9:41 pm. Showed my girlfriend this post, and we're reading the comments. Really means a lot to us that everyone is supportive. Makes the nerves less frightening. We're hugging it out and playing Animal Crossing till her parents go to sleep at around 11. **UPDATE 5** I'm still here, and it's around 10:30. My time zone is GMT +8 for those who are still invested. We're just preparing for when her parents go to bed, so we're trying to calm our nerves. **UPDATE 6** It's 11, but her parents are not sleeping. For some strange reason, her mom decided to bake at like 10:30. Starting to think they suspect something. **UPDATE 7** SHIT YES! My gf just went down, and her mom is done baking and says she is going to sleep soon. Which just leaves her dad still watching TV. I'm almost out; I can feel the wind already. Just can't get too trigger-happy and jump the gun. **UPDATE 8** FFFK. Her mom just walked past her room. Heading into her own room. Her dad also getting ready to sleep. Shit is about to happen, guys. Phase one of our plan is about to commence! **UPDATE 9** Damn, her mom went to bed, but her dad is still watching TV. It's like 11:30 pm, and he is still watching? At least her mom is in her room, so that is good. **UPDATE 10** OKAY, the plan is in action. Her dad is now in their room, and she is moving my stuff downstairs to the storeroom. I'll update once I'm inside. **UPDATE 11** Took my last sip of water and went down to the storeroom. Phase 1 complete. Her dad is showering, and her parents' door is closed. Now for the front door and gate. **UPDATE 12** Gf opening the door and the gate. I have to wait for her. **UPDATE 13** Slight change, I went out the door together with her. Her dog isn't barking, so that's good. She has to open the gate. **UPDATE 14:** Out the gate. Bending down. Waiting for her to text me. **UPDATE 15** She's taking some photos to sell the story. Better not rush it. Her dog is getting very close to me and sniffing me through the gate. Oh god please don't bark. **FINAL UPDATE** F**KING HELL, GUYS. I made it. I just started the engine, and my heart is pounding. I'm safe and sound. TIME TO GO HOME. Got out at 11:53. &nbsp; **POST CLARIFICATION** It's 12:15 am, I'm home sipping a hot cup of Milo and laughing with my girlfriend about the entire day. We just want to thank everyone that supported us and this shitty situation we put ourselves in. The nerves were real, and seeing how everyone wanted the best for us really helped us push through this emotionally. Wanted to clarify a few things for quite a number of questions: - A lot of people were saying this story is a fake and similar to other "stuck in ___ room with family in the house." Unfortunately, Asian people go through similar things, and this is no exception. The strict family and rebellious child scenario. Same coin, different sides. - A few people mentioned how this is similar to another post a year ago, and truth is, I was inspired by that post to share this story. It was a very emotionally troubling time for both of us, and after reading the mentioned post and seeing how supportive everyone was and how it made the OP feel much better, I thought it would be a good idea for my girlfriend and me to do the same. And it did! It honestly helped us feel like we could make this work. I'm really sorry I can't prove it happened, but this was real to the both of us, and that's more important. - We own up to this mistake, and that's why it's on tifu. We f**ked up big time and have only ourselves to blame. But we survived it, learned never to repeat it again. **ADD** - Situation happened in Malaysia. It's a very hot and humid country, so it's very common for people to shower more than once or twice a day and sometimes before we sleep. - We're Chinese. - This is the most amusing part, and I'm glad everyone was worried about it: yes. I did take a shit after I ate. It was brutal. Constipation due to the lack of water. Not only were my legs shaking, my asshole hurt too. Not fun. - 4 pm (next day) Oh god, this is still going on in the comments, but I wanted to add something after my gf went through the comments. To those who opened up about similar stories about hiding or having strict parents (i.e. no friends over or always under watch), it really meant a lot to her that there are other people who go through the same thing as her, and I would like to thank you for sharing! She always felt like the odd one out of her friends. Not being able to go out, tight rules, etc., and it's good to know she isn't the only one. Some people don't understand this, and that's fine. Everyone grows up in different scenarios. It's not that she doesn't love her parents less, it just sucks to be in her situation. I wish I could give her more credit for what happened last night. She risked so much just for us to see each other. Thank you again for investing your time in this. Didn't expect it to blow up like this, but you guys helped us a lot. Time to sleep now. Good night, everyone!!! **TL;DR:** Came over to my girlfriend's house to see her, and her parents suddenly came home, and now I am hiding in her room as her family is eating downstairs. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

TIFU by hiding in my girlfriend's room when her strict Asian parents suddenly came home

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15emy0o/tifu_by_hiding_in_my_girlfriends_room_when_her/

15epvsc

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** r/relationship_advice **by** u/Chemical_Lion_21 trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!Positive!< [**My (22M) Gf (23F) has been mad at me because of a trip I won’t “let” her take.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/151otj7/my_22m_gf_23f_has_been_mad_at_me_because_of_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- July 2023** I’ll try to keep this as short as possible but if you feel like I need more context I can add an addendum in the comments. I met my current girlfriend in our Freshman year of college. We hit it off almost instantly and became pretty fast friends. After being friends for a while I asked her out and we’ve been together ever since, coming up on two years in October. Recently however, she and I have been fighting over a proposed trip she intends to go on at the end of this month. She has a friend, who we’ll call Paul, because that’s his name and I don’t care enough to censor it. I was always aware of him since he lives in her dorm and we’ve hung out a couple of times. But in the Venn diagram of our friend group, he’s always been very firmly in the her circle. I’ve also always believed that he had feelings for her from only knowing him a few months. They’ve always spent an inordinate amount of time together, even more than most of her other friends, and often more than I get to see her in a week. He’s also made occasional inappropriate remarks about her, which I won’t get into here. I’ve brought this up to my girlfriend multiple times but she insists he just sees her as a friend and while I think she’s incorrect, I don’t think she’s being dishonest. I trust that she has absolutely no interest in him that way, and so I’m mostly okay with their friendship. At this point it’s honestly kind of a joke between us. Well things between us have soured over Paul in the last week or so. His birthday is coming up soon, and he asked her to go on a trip with him to LA which is on the opposite side of the country from us. She mentioned the plans in a kind of off handed manner, and when I said I wouldn’t be comfortable with that, she and I got into an awful argument about it. As it turns out, he paid for the trip including plane tickets before asking her. And when he asked her she already agreed to go. I asked her not to go and said I’d find it incredibly inappropriate and hurtful, especially since he only booked one room for both of them. She said I was being hurtful to her friend and would really hurt their relationship. She also says that I was being controlling and accused me of not trusting her. There’s a lot more details, but I don’t really want to go into them in this post. What should I do Reddit? I want her to be able to enjoy the last of her summer break but I’m just not comfortable with this situation. Would it be too unreasonable to ask to go with them? Tl;dr: My GF and I have been fighting since she said she wants to go across the country with her male friend.   **Top Comment** *I personally would walk away. She is willfully ignorant thinking Paul has her best interest at heart.* *He actively makes inappropriate jokes about her and clearly has feelings for her. I don't care about friends of the opposite gender but this is a hard pass for me as a person.* *She wouldn't like it if a girl was talking about your physical features and then off you go to a far away state one on one for a birthday celebration.* *He doesn't respect boundaries, and he sounds creepy. Hopefully, he doesn't do anything unsafe to her. I would bring up these points again and if she dismisses them, then that is your sign.* **OOP Replies** >they’re not explicit or physical. Instead, they’re more just deeply inappropriate for their level of friendship. Like a fake proposal with ring pops, calling her his “friendship soulmate” and telling a real estate agent they were newlyweds when the two of them were checking out an apartment for him.   [Update to my (22M) GF (23F) going on a cross country trip with her guy friend(23M)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/156dbla/update_to_my_22m_gf_23f_going_on_a_cross_country/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 22nd July 2023** Hey everyone. Just wanted to post on update on my relationship with my Girlfriend. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m exhausted, emotionally drained, a tad tipsy still and going through it. So we split up. I was with her pretty much all night tonight, and only just got home. And yeah. We’re done. It was ugly, there was a lot of crying. Now I know some of you might have questions about why I did it. To explain it I need a metaphor. Have you heard the parable about a boiling frog? Where you slowly turn up the heat on a frog in a pot so it doesn’t realize it’s being cooked alive? Well if you gave the frog a thermometer it might suddenly realize that it was being boiled and hop out. That’s what my post on here was. It wasn’t until I was reading through and considering responding to some of the comments I got that I realized how big the problems in my relationship were, because they’d started small and built up over the course of literal years. I decided that whether or not my GF decided to go was ultimately inconsequential. The truth was, this was never about the trip. This was about my GF’s treatment of me. The truth was, I trusted her on the trip. Deep down, with every fiber of my being, I trusted that she was sincere in her denials of their situation. I do not believe she would’ve done anything, but I don’t think it matters. The simple fact is she’d been consistently downplaying and disregarding my feelings for years. All the while defending Paul, who had been manipulating her and several of our other friends. I could go into why I think this is, the desire to be a hero, etc. but none of it matters. She’d dismissed my feelings out of hand, and was willing to hurt me, harangue me, and belittle me in defense of Paul’s behaviors which she ultimately admitted were sketchy and manipulative. That’s just a cold hard fact. Those aren’t traits I want in a partner. And now I don’t have to worry about that. As for me? I feel like my world just ended. Like someone shoved a vacuum hose in my sternum and slurped up my insides. And whatever they stuffed my newly empty space full of is cold and prickly. I’d love if someone could give me some advice on how to handle this. I’ve never had a breakup this painful before. I’m also having serious regrets. Please let me know what y’all think. Right now I’m going to get plastered and go to sleep and hope somehow my life is bearable in the morning. Goodnight Reddit. Tl;Dr: Gf and I broke up. Right thing to do, but now I feel awful.   **Top Comments** *you are a great example of learning to set boundaries and gaining self worth.* *props to you brother, it’s going to hurt for a long time, but time will eventually drain that cold pain in your chest and it will fill with boiling courage and independence.* *worst thing you can do, relapse and run back to her. keep your eyes on the path ahead and get excited that the girl that respects you is closer than you think :)* *ps, i’ve gone to the ER for heartbreak it hurt so bad, but i’m giving you advice because i empathize,*   **OOP Comments** >Right now it’s not even grief I’m sure it’ll come later, but that’s not what I’m feeling. I just feel cold, not angry not sad, just cold. I keep thinking about how much pain she’s in and I know that I caused it because I wasn’t happy. It all seems so selfish but I know I have to put the oxygen mask on myself or whatever. >She cried, a lot. Asked me how I could to this to us, to her. Told me we could fix this, that I’d never given her a sign, etc. >Yeah. She’s blocked right now. I just don’t want to see those messages ATM. I don’t know how long we can keep it up though. We have a lot of the same friends and move in the same social circles. &#x200B; **OOP has added some new comments 1st August 2023** It was rough for a while. I’m not going to lie it still is. I didn’t realize how many parts of my life she’d touched until all of them started aching, and now I’m having to deal with the lingering pain of all the things I don’t share with her anymore. I’ve had good days and bad days but the good ones generally outweigh the bad. Our friend group split up right along with us. There were a couple of ugly fights and I lost a few good friends, but I take a sort of tragic pride in the knowledge that I kept most of our friends in my life. I’m very glad they’ve been so supportive of me right now. In unrelated but important news (important to me at least), I had to put my cat down last week as well and I’m just generally not having a good time, but this week is a lot better than last so things are trending up. I went back to the gym for the first time in literal years, and it’s been nice. Still getting back into the swing of things and trying to get comfortable in a new gym, which takes some getting used to. I’ve been taking care of myself in other ways. Listening to a lot of sad music, starting up a dnd game and just generally taking it easy. I might even try a bit of writing again. Don’t know if this is the kind of update you’re looking for but it’s what’s been going on. **OOP has confirmed the trip did not go ahead. Ex has had a falling out with Paul and is now remorseful.** **OOP is answering questions here** [OOP Q&A](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15epvsc/oops_gf_wants_to_go_on_a_trip_with_male_friend/juajfpc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Some additional info on Paul from OOP Jesus where to begin sorry in advance if this gets vitriolic but this is just a tad raw. In the original post I kind of mentioned it but the real big thing is this. He has like four friends total. Like that’s his whole social world. And his friendship with them is SUPER codependent. He has mental health and alcohol issues. I dont want to diminish that. They’re real, and I think him getting treatment might help things. But he uses that fact and some oh so convenient breakdowns to keep his friends from leaving. So they get to rush in and take care of poor damaged Paul, and feel like saints as they nurse him back to health. It’s so freaking toxic and codependent, but if you say anything then you’re the bad guy kicking an emotionally vulnerable man while he’s down. If I had a nickel for every time he promised this would be the last time and he’d get help I’d be able to buy him the personal, private therapist he so desperately needs. And between that there are these big elaborate gestures. I was only barely surprised when I heard he was flying my ex out to CA. It’s just the type of thing he’ll do. As a list of other stuff He has: sabotaged my project in a class we had together, (literally just found out about this two days ago, long story) Called my ex a bitch and a fake friend when she wouldn’t bring him to this fundraiser as her plus one Cheated on his past girlfriend Got his underage brother drunk without his brothers knowledge And then just small petty things Not paying a few of my friends back for money they lent him. Sat on his phone playing games while other people were moving his couch. Sent my ex “emergency” messages while she was on dates with me or was studying for her final. And I know it’s dumb but one of the things that got to me most is that I have never, not once seen him hold the door for ANYONE. Doesn’t matter if your arms are full of fine china. You’re opening that door yourself buckaroo. Flairing as concluded as the relationship looks to be over. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP's GF wants to go on a trip with male friend, despite OOP saying no.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15epvsc/oops_gf_wants_to_go_on_a_trip_with_male_friend/

15eybl2

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Purring may also be a self soothing behavior for cats as they may also purr when they feel ill or upset. Content Warnings: None Mood Spoiler: >!Frustrating but hope for a satisfying update later!< *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/Mkheir01 [**Put a lien on my neighbors for not being able to pay an illegal special assessment? I'll put a lien on your $20m mansion!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/11a903c/put_a_lien_on_my_neighbors_for_not_being_able_to/) **(Posted Originally Febuary 23, 2023 on** r/pettyrevenge **and** r/fuckHOA This may be the most petty thing I have ever done in my life. I'm a pretty petty person, and I also believe in malicious compliance, but this takes the cake. So I bought a condo in a building in a large city in the US about 2.5 years ago. The building has an HOA that we all pay into monthly. Since I've lived here, the building has rapidly deteriorated and we have all hired an attorney for a class action style lawsuit. I'm talking broken elevators, broken rooftop AC units, the pool was empty for four months during the summer, etc. The people in the building are great though, and we are a friendly bunch. Last year, I took the HOA to Small Claims court because they failed to provide financial documents that show us how our fees are being spent. As this is a legal requirement for all HOAs in my state, I won the case and was awarded the $30 filing fee plus $1, symbolic (I sued for documents, not money). The fact that they can't provide the docs as they are legally required to do is a separate issue among others including possible criming that we've hired the attorneys for. I have asked the HOA to pay the $31 to me, and the president of the HOA wants to either meet me somewhere private to give it to me, or he wants to mail me a Satisfaction of Judgement form, have me sign it, and mail it back to him and then he will mail me a check. No to both! Three days after I won the case, the HOA announced that they were going to charge us all a special assessment of about $1000 each and an increase in our monthly dues of 10%. In my state, a membership vote gets triggered if you charge a special assessment that brings the building more than 5% its yearly income, which means 51% of the owners must approve of the assessment for it to take effect. As this $$$$ is about 20% of our yearly income, a vote should have taken place. When we asked about this vote, the HOA said that it was being made under an emergency clause, which means that the membership vote doesn't have to take place. The emergency? Fixing the elevator that broke on Dec 24, 2021. The spirit of the emergency clause is for things like fire, earthquake, flood, etc, not a broken elevator that has been broken for a year already. When there was understandable pushback, the HOA sent out a little email stating that anyone who didn't pay the assessment would have a lien put on their unit. The liens came down yesterday to those that couldn't pay $1000 on short notice (our attorneys told us that even though the money is in dispute, we still have to pay it, and I did pay mine, but we also have a lot of retirees/lower income people in the building). The HOA president's house is currently on the market for $20m. I just got back from the courthouse where I filed a $31 lien against it for $140, clouding its title. It's a matter of principle, not money. Now the title can't change hands until he pays me my $31 and I am perfectly within my rights to collect on a judgement owed :) EDIT: I will for sure keep you guys updated after the attorneys do their thing. That might be a story for prorevenge tho. EDIT 2: Some confusion here. I initially filed the small claim with the HOA as defendant. The small claim judge determined that was incorrect and said I should sue the individual as the president of the HOA and made me amend the case, therefore, the defendant in the whole case was the one individual person, and therefore he is responsible for the $31 and I can exercise my right to put a lien on his home in my effort to collect. I CAN ONLY PUT A LIEN AGAINST THE DEFENDANT, AND THE DEFENDANT IS A PERSON. I CANNOT PUT A LIEN AGAINST THE HOA BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT THE DEFENDANT IN THE CASE. THE COURTS ALREADY DETERMINED THAT THE PERSON OWES ME MONEY. I DONT NEED TO CONTINUE TO ARGUE A CASE IVE ALREADY WON. EDIT 3: Wow this blew up, and with that so many ppl accusing me of lying because they don’t understand our legal system. Thank you to all who are supporting my efforts, we hope to have these ppl overthrown and in prison hopefully by the end of the year. We’ve turned over all we have to our attorneys who are the best HOA attorneys in LA. We will get these people! Further reading on what else these slumlords are dealing with: [https://globalpropertyinc.com/2022/08/10/lawsuit-barry-shy-didnt-disclose-defects-in-400m-deal/](https://globalpropertyinc.com/2022/08/10/lawsuit-barry-shy-didnt-disclose-defects-in-400m-deal/) Final edit I hope: If you live in Los Angeles county and have a money judgement against someone, learn how to collect here: [https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/small-claims/after-trial/collect-money](https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/small-claims/after-trial/collect-money). If you scroll down and choose FROM THEIR PROPERTY, all you have to do is fill out the Abstract of Judgement, get it filed at the courthouse ($40), then get it recorded ($100) for a lien against a property to take effect. Final final edit: Got this email this morning. [https://imageshack.com/i/pnaXtKp2j](https://imageshack.com/i/pnaXtKp2j) \*(\****Email Transcript:*** *Subject: Check for $31* *You'll receive a check for $31 via FedEx in the next few days, I will forward tracking number as soon as available. I expect that you will record a satisfaction of judgement once the check clears. I believe I sent you that form earlier.* *Best Regards\]* Sorry my first link to it was bad. \- [**UPDATE Put a lien on my neighbors for not being able to pay an illegal special assessment? I'll put a lien on your $20m mansion!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/13kp09n/update_put_a_lien_on_my_neighbors_for_not_being/) **(Posted May 18th, 2023 on** r/pettyrevenge\*\*)\*\* So a couple weeks ago we were all informed that there is going to be a second special assessment this year. Our last one was about $1/square foot, this one is $1.25/square foot. I'm getting a rhinoplasty next month and just can't afford to plop another $1250 to these people, and therefore I'm not paying. This combined with the SA from a few months ago equals about 45% of our building's income, well over the 5% limit in the state of CA. Several other people are not paying because they either can't afford it or simply think it's too much. Both are valid. He can lien my unit all day every day, I will go to the court hearing about it and get it thrown out. Our HOA recall election was tonight. 5 seats on the board, us individual homeowners put forth 3 candidates. The 3 of us spent many Sundays going door-to-door campaigning, and we did get a lot of neutral owners on board. With the ballots, you can either mail them in or fill them out in person. Most of us elect to mail them in and there were two questions on them: 1. Do you approve of the recall election? 2. Place your votes for candidates in this grid. Unfortunately, several people skipped question 1 and approval for the recall was therefore less than 51%. The family of crooks that run our building now own 119 units out of the 180, and we just didn't get it. After the election, there was an HOA meeting. I find these things an absolute waste of time, a stupid meeting ran by stupid people, but I did show up about 20 mins late for about 10 minutes, and a literal fistfight almost broke out, and the family announced that even though I have a seat on the board, they are no longer including me in meetings because I am "disrespectful". People literally started SCREAMING. Another owner made an audio recording of the whole thing and I sent it along to our attorney. Our HOA bylaws require mediation before litigation, and so we have that coming up in which we are asking for a large sum of money, our attorney fees, and this family to give up their positions of power and have their voting rights stripped permanently. If they refuse, we go to litigation and a judge will subpoena their financial records, which will show laundering, embezzlement, theft, and god knows what else, so I have a pretty good feeling they will accept to avoid the alternative, potential prison. Also the house I put the lien on still hasn't sold so I still haven't gotten my $31 :( and our elevators still don’t work. **Relevant Comment** >Make sure you take pleasure in every moment of crushing them. Would you local DA be interested in looking into these people for possible corruption , money laundering?? Is it worth flagging it up to them? OOP: We already contacted them and no. Our attorneys will refer when/if the time comes. >Your DA may not care, but the IRS probably would. OOP: You know what, you're right. Gonna look into this right quick. \- *OOP then saw this post and has provided a new update on* r/pettyrevenge **\[UPDATE 2 Put a lien on my neighbors for not being able to pay an illegal special assessment? I'll put a lien on your $20m mansion!\](**[**https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/15f6d8m/update\_2\_put\_a\_lien\_on\_my\_neighbors\_for\_not\_being/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/15f6d8m/update_2_put_a_lien_on_my_neighbors_for_not_being/)**) (Posted on August 1st, 2023)** Hello all! I haven't posted an update recently because there hasn't been a whole lot going on. I was going to wait another few weeks when I knew more, but this was posted on a bestof page today so I thought I'd keep you posted anyways. I took the advice of some commenters and reported this family to the IRS. I sent an email to our internal email Google group that I manage that has all the other owners on it with a link to print out the form and an invitation to do the same. Three days later I was served with a cease and desist regarding defamation. I found out later that Bitchboy threatened another tenant into forwarding the email to him. I have informed our attorneys of this. I regarded the C&D as a type of SLAPP and promptly disregarded, as there is never anything wrong with cooperating with a government agency. I have not heard anything else regarding this. Our CC&R's require Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) before jumping to litigation. We decided to go that route and our attorneys, angels really, put together a \~130 page document outlining each and every fart these people have made within their collective lifetimes complete with numerous pages of exhibits, etc. In our demand, we ask for either complete building refurbishment OR $5m in cash, to be stripped of their positions of power, and our attorney fees, which so far are about $22k at this point raised through crowdsourcing within our building. This was served to them last week and they have 30 days to respond. If they don't respond, we go directly to litigation. As a judge will subpoena every bank record for the last 20 years or so which may uncover evidence of crimes, we feel that Bitchboy and Co. should feel very inclined to accept our offer. In the meantime, I got my rhinoplasty a few weeks ago (Guess which major US city I live in) and it is absolutely scorching here. Our water went out for 7 hours on Sunday, and with it went our AC as our HVAC units are liquid-cooled, got fixed Sunday night, and now the water just stopped working again. Nobody knows why and as its the middle of the night here, nothing can be done. My monthly HOA dues are due today so I'm going to fork over $400 for what. Additionally, I made it clear I wasn't paying the second special assessment, but I've continued paying my regular $400 monthly dues, however, they've been putting that money towards the special assessment and charging me a late fee for the remaining SA balance as well as a late fee each month for each unpaid monthly dues. Double compound late fees are illegal here, and when I reached out to Bitchboys secretary, she told me that it was just how "our billpay system works". They are trying to get my balance up to $1800 so they can foreclose, which is the minimum amount required in my state. The attorneys are aware so we shall see. He has less than 3 weeks remaining to reply to our ADR. This may have to move over to ProRevenge at that point. And the $20m house still hasn't sold, so I still haven't received my $31 WHICH IS CLEARLY THE REAL ISSUE HERE. &#x200B; &#x200B;

OOP and her neighbors are in an ongoing battle with their HOA

ONGOING

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15eybl2/oop_and_her_neighbors_are_in_an_ongoing_battle/

15f1o32

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Dollar_Dolphin. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!things are moving in the right direction!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/158y7ki/aita_for_sleeping_in_the_guest_bedroom_after_my/)**: July 24, 2023** My husband has started working night shifts (8PM - 3AM) over two months ago and has since been using our en-suite bathroom for showers after work. This would have been okay but he plays loud music through the bluetooth speakers and claims he needs it to wind down. I’ve asked him repeatedly to use the shower downstairs and have even set it up for him with the same products he has in our en-suite. I’ve been using the bathroom downstairs every morning so I don’t disturb him while getting ready for work but he refuses to do the same. Since I’m a light sleeper and after being sleep deprived for so long I decided to sleep in the guest bedroom yesterday. He claims I’m being petty and should talk to him about this as opposed to sleeping in the guest room. The thing is I have tried talking to him about it but I usually don’t bring up the discussion as / when it’s happening and prefer to do it the next day after work so I’m not upset and can have a rational discussion. He’s been going around telling our family and friends and they all think I’m being petty. I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong / how else to go about dealing with the situation. I need to know if AITA. Sorry for any typos / formatting 🙏🏼 my brain refuses to function when I haven’t had enough sleep! ***Relevant Comments:*** *Wtf is he telling his friends and family that they're on his side?* "I haven’t gotten the whole story tbh, but they are all focusing on me not sleeping in our bedroom. Apparently this turns it into an argument / fight? I’ve gotten messages from a couple of mutual friends and family members but haven’t responded yet." *Is this new behavior?* "The funny thing is he use be really quite and considerate in the mornings when he started work earlier than me. Idk why he’s having difficulties replicating after work." *Does he usually run to his family/friends with things like this?* "There’s only been a couple of instances (2) that I can think of when he has discussed things with his family / friends. Suppose that’s what he uses as an outlet. I do this too with people I identify as my support system (to get advice / let my feelings out). That being said no one has ever confronted or made direct comments to him." *One more from OOP:* "No, fortunately he’s really considerate in general. This is the first this he’s acted like this. I initially thought he was acting out because he’s a morning person and is rarely up at that hour by choice. His family usually tends to side with him but I have a feeling our friends don’t know the whole story. I haven’t responded to their messages yet, I like some part of my life to be private (I do see the irony in saying this after posting on reddit for everyone to judge)." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): July 25, 2023 (Next Day)** UPDATE: to the kind people of reddit, thank you so much for all you suggestions! I love my husband but sometimes being petty pays off. Sorry for the long post! I started the morning at 5:30 with a quick run on the treadmill (our home gym is right next to our bedroom. Thank you thedartofwar for the idea!). This poor guy woke up and practically ran into the room thinking someone’s trying to break in. He looked TERRIFIED! He was confused / concerned as opposed to angry when he was questioning what I’m doing and if everything is okay. I told him I’m too tired due to lack of sleep and didn’t want to drive to my spin class. I thought it’s a good idea to have a quick workout at home to wake me up and stimulate endorphins. Either he was stunned into silence or was too tired to put up a fight; it took him a while to ask how long I planned on working out for. I said 45 minutes and didn’t catch the response he mumbled as he was leaving. I finished my workout at 6:15 and had a smoothie hoping he’d fall asleep (if he hasn’t already) before hopping into the shower and carrying out phase two. With doors locked and the volume set to what I guess he usually listens to music on I put my playlist to work (I now realise that you can’t really hear the music with the speakers outside the shower unless the volume is relatively high). 30 seconds in to the first song plays (Awaken by Dethklok, thank you Jackisntasquirrel!) I hear knocking on the door. I figured I could use the music and shower as an excuse to claim I didn’t hear it later! This increased to banging calling out to me by the second song (So you die by bloodbath, thank you drfstich!) and by the third song (die mf die by Dope thank you Horror-Commission656) there was complete silence. I think he only stuck around for so long since heating up another room might have taken a while. Thank you for everyone for the music suggestion, I wish he stayed for the whole playlist 😅 By the time I’m out of the shower our bedroom is empty. I found him watching TV downstairs. He asked me why I would do this when I know he’s just finished a long shift and hasn’t had any sleep. told him I thought it was acceptable since he does the same thing. Like most commenters pointed out, the whole situation shows lack of care and I was curious why he doesn’t care and what caused him to change so drastically because he usually isn’t like this. After a lot of pushing he finally admits that he likes our conversations after work and figured if I was up, we would talk. ( I don’t understand how this is the thought process of a grown man). He claims he didn’t realise it was an issue for me because I haven’t been as angry about it (here I was thinking the situation required patience and understanding🤦🏾‍♀️). I also realised he’s still grieving his grandmother’s death (she passed away in April). They use to talk on a daily basis is and he hasn’t fully accepted the loss and processed it in a healthy manner. He’s open to the idea of getting therapy to process the grief. I don’t think this excuses his behaviour but it does explain a lot. Getting back to the showering at 3am; we’ve agreed on the following; he will use the shower downstairs after working night shifts. If he wants to use our shared bathroom (it has a jacuzzi) he will text me before I go to bed and I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom I realised I was pretty much doing this to myself after the first week. I have learnt that I don’t owe anyone comfort at the expense of my well-being and shouldn’t have let it go on for so long. Yes, he’s immature and childish but I’m hoping we can work on it together. Thank you to everyone for their suggestions and concern! I understand all couples face challenges, these incidents in isolation doesn’t necessarily paint an accurate picture of their relationship. Like I mentioned in the comments he’s been very considerate and loving expect for a few isolated incidents (less than 5) during the 7 years I’ve known him. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect someone to be perfect 100% of the time (I feel the need to point out that no one should use this statement to stay in an abusive or unhappy relationship!). If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you! Apologies for the long post but I’m lowkey proud that the pettiness paid off. sorry for any typos, I’m still sleep deprived but looking forward to a good night’s sleep tonight.

AITA for sleeping in the guest bedroom after my husband continues to take showers at 3AM with loud music?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15f1o32/aita_for_sleeping_in_the_guest_bedroom_after_my/

15f1o81

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/ThrowRA0203220. He posted in r/relationship_advice I added some paragraph breaks for readability. **Trigger Warning:** >!racial fetishization!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!yikes!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/152ghhu/my_32m_wife_35f_is_suggesting_we_open_our/)**: July 17, 2023** My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for 8, and now have 2 small kids together. She is the love of my life and I could not imagine myself with anyone else. About 3 years into our marriage she started to show attraction to Asian characters in the shows and movies we watched together on our weekly movie nights. At first I brushed it off as a joke, but I realized she was serious about a month ago when we started watching Chicago Med. She joked often of wanting one of the characters, Dr. Choi, to be her doctor so he could "feel her up". I laughed along, until she insisted we stop watching when Dr. Choi got into a relationship with another doctor. Thinking about it now, throughout our entire relationship Asian men caught her attention. For the past few years, she's been obsessed with popular "kpop" members, joking how she would rather be with Eric Mun and Jimin. Even going as far to say that she's disappointed she got stuck with a white man and that our babies aren't as cute. A friend of mine since childhood is Korean and visits with us often. He and my wife have become friends. I always thought she acted weird around him, but I never took it personally until last night. As I was cleaning up dinner, she put the kids to bed and asked to sit down and have a talk about something important. I was hesitant, but agreed. She started it by saying that she didn't feel like our sex life was as fulfilling as it used to be. I was taken aback and asked what I could do to bring her more fulfillment. She suggested we bring in a third person into our sex life. I instantly knew she had someone in mind despite her denying it. After an hour of talking in circles she revealed she had been having sexual thoughts and urges regarding my childhood friend and she suggested I watch. I was stunned and told her I didn't want to discuss this anymore and slept in the living room. She took the kids to school this morning and went to help her sister pack as she is moving soon. We haven't spoken since last night and I don't know what to do. I'm sat in my car outside my office writing this, I don't want to go home and see her knowing what she's thinking about. I think I want a divorce as she's clearly no longer the woman I fell in love with and I suspect she has already acted upon her urges with him. Is that too big of a jump over a sexual fantasy?TLDR: My wife suggested I watch her be intimate with my childhood friend. Is divorce too extreme of a response?**Edit:** Spoke with my friend and my wife after I returned home from work.**Edit 2:** I've now posted an update, I thank you all very much for the advice and support. To those of you stating this is some fake or fetish post, I am a grown man distraught over my marriage ending. Not a creep on the internet looking for pleasure over my “fake” wife cheating. I’m also not a 14 year old girl making up stories to waste people’s time. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/159ui9p/update_my_32m_wife_35f_is_suggesting_we_open_our/)**: July 25, 2023 (8 days later)** First of all I want to thank your community for the support. I'm sorry for the late update, things have been busy around my house. To fill you all in relatively quickly, I returned home the night I made the post and my wife and I were still not speaking. I waited until she was putting the kids to bed to make a call to my friend, I wanted to talk to him alone. I slipped outside and made the call, I told him everything. He told me he was so sorry for me and that my wife's behavior was disgusting. He then confessed to me that a few years into my wife and I's marriage she, drunk, made a move on him at a mutual friends party. It began as flirting and my friend was not entertaining it, she kissed him and he left the party early. I asked him why he never told me about it. He said he didn't want to ruin our marriage over something she did while drunk, they never spoke about it and continued as normal friends. Now that a week has passed I figured out that this party aligns with the start of her strange behavior towards Asian men in media. I thanked him for sharing this with me and hung up. I immediately went inside and confronted my wife. I was officially disgusted with her for pushing a kiss on my friend and suggesting I watch her be with him. I told her exactly how I was feeling and what my friend had told me. My wife admitted she only asked to open our bedroom to him because she has had feelings for him for years and wanted to keep herself from cheating on me. I explained that she already had, and wrecked the foundation of our relationship. I told her we were divorcing, not to try and stop me I was not changing my mind. In the last week I have been staying with friends and family. She has done nothing but harass me via my number. I am proud to say I have given her no attention. I see her still while stopping by my house during the day for my kids, they are too young to understand what's going on. As I mentioned in my last post they attend a daycare/schooling program for young children during the summer as a result I never spend long in the house and typically leave while taking them there. She wont mention it Infront of them so it hasn't been as issue. I have been seeking out a lawyer for divorce proceedings and looking for an apartment In my kids school district. I feel freed many of you were right, our marriage has been dead for a very long time. I'm not sure if I can ever see my friend the same way. I want to start therapy and try to work on it, he's been a very close friend since childhood and I would hate to lose him. My friends and family have been very supportive, so have most of you on reddit. You've helped me very much and made me feel valid in my feelings. I thank you all for that. TLDR: I am going through with divorcing my wife after she suggested we open our marriage to my childhood friend. **Edit:** Thank you all so much for advice on not leaving the house. I will be returning to spending nights there immediately. I don’t want to risk losing my kids. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Get back to the house immediately, as it could be seen as you abandoning the kids and the house:* "thank you for telling me this, I only do not sleep at the house. I go while my kids are there and leave while they’re gone and spend the nights away. the home is owned by my wife’s parents so she is not leaving. I am there everyday. Their daycare/schooling program has those who drop off their children sign them in with both the child’s name and yours. This is proof I have been seeing my kids for the last week and driving them there. I have this and many photos of my children from this last week. This situation is extremely temporary as I now have a move in date for an apartment near by. Does this all work well for me ? I really doubt she will fight me on custody at all in the brief conversations we have had she brought up our kids and what to do. we seem to agree 50/50 is the correct thing." *Fetish:* "I am replying to comments regarding legal help or advice about what to do with my wife and kids. I am not replying to comments about her having a fetish. I think you’re all correct about that, but it is not my focus in any way. I’m worried about my children."

My (32M) wife (35F) is suggesting we open our marriage to my childhood friend.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15f1o81/my_32m_wife_35f_is_suggesting_we_open_our/

15f1o95

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRASensitiveNose **I (36f) am dating a new guy (38m) but his hygiene is lacking. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Bad hygiene!< **MOOD SPOILER** >!good outcome for OOP and her boyfriend!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14rubv1/comment/jquouh4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **July 6, 2023** I just separated from my husband after years of a dead bedroom. I reconnected with an ex from my first year of college and he is sweet, kind, and VERY sexually attentive, which is refreshing. I should be happy, but he smells so badly. We just took a week-long trip together (we live in different places for now). I noticed that his breath was bad enough that it made kissing him unpleasant unless it was in the tiny window after brushing his teeth but before breakfast, or right at bedtime, when unfortunately the other issue of his body odor was at his worst. I tried offering him mints and gum as the days went, which he'd accept maybe 1/3rd of the time. I brush my teeth or at least use mouthwash after every meal and made a point of doing so around him but he occasionally would only brush his teeth once a day. He also revealed that he hadn't been to a dentist in years despite having good dental coverage and I am sure something is wrong here. He wondered why I wasn't enjoying kissing him and apart from a moment when we had just eaten a garlic-heavy meal, I was too anxious to tell him that he just has awful breath. Beyond the breath, he has awful body odor. On the first day I thought he just was sweaty from traveling, but I realized after watching him dress in the morning that he doesn't wear deodorant. Additionally, we'd do sweaty activities all day together and he wouldn't shower at bedtime (I would, he would just shower once in the morning), and at this point I'd be holding my breath during sex. I also made a point of trying to invite him into the shower with me (while he was trying to discourage me from showering more than once so we could just have sex already) and told him that I'm much more comfortable having sex when clean and that I really prefer to shower before getting into bed at all because it keeps the sheets clean and refreshing, but he didn't get the hint. I'm supposed to see him again in two weeks. How can I tell him he needs to clean up without hurting his feelings? TLDR: Reconnected with an ex who is lovely except that he has awful hygiene. How can I gently talk to him about this without embarrassing him? **RELEVANT COMMENT** **pinkorangegold** >Okay, I literally took a management course where one entire day was dedicated to hard conversations about personal body odor. I am, inexplicably, uniquely qualified to give you a script here. >I’m going to go ahead and take you at face value that he’s otherwise fine but please know this is a big marinara flag. >Anyway. Tell him you need to discuss something with him. You can do this over text if you think it would be easier for him to process but in person is generally better for tone reasons. Then say something like, “I am really into you, so please know that everything I’m about to say comes from a place of wanting to preserve our relationship and move it forward. I’m concerned about your health. Your breath is frequently bad and I’ve read that can be a sign of gum disease or other serious issues. I would really like for you to see a dentist and start brushing twice a day. Your body odor is also quite strong. It would be helpful if you were to start wearing deodorant daily. Both of these things have become a real barrier to my being comfortable being intimate with you, and I otherwise love having sex with you, so I would really like to fix this and be able to keep doing that. I in no way want to hurt your feelings, I’m just worried about you and the effect this is having on our relationship.” Then STOP TALKING. Let him process. Don’t let him interrupt you while you’re speaking, but don’t apologize, either. >Answer his questions honestly but kindly. He may open up to you about reasons he’s lax here, he may genuinely not realize this is going on because this is such an embarrassing conversation to have with someone, he may know and not care. His reaction is important to figure out if this is a dude you want to keep seeing. >Best of luck. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/159ktib/update_i_36f_am_dating_a_new_guy_38m_but_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 25, 2023** First, a shout out and so many thanks to /u/pinkorangegold whose comment was basically the script I used when I called this guy to tell what I needed from him. If anyone else stumbles upon this post through google and is going through something similar, please use this script, it was perfect. I called the guy up a couple days after my original post with my concerns. He was very receptive and listened well, pointing that I was so nervous that he thought I was going to ask him to help me hide a body or something. He didn't offer any other commentary beyond saying that he'd do all of this and that I shouldn't hesitate to ask him to use mouthwash or put on deodorant in the future if I notice he's "off"(and he immediately ordered mouthwash and antiperspirant and texted me the screenshot when we got off the phone). He did tell me later that his ten-year relationship was with a woman who essentially showered and brushed her teeth every other day or so and would only do either with water and didn't use any soap/toothpaste/deodorant (just essential oils, and she asked him to stop using deodorant), so he felt his morning shower and 1.5 tooth-brushings a day with the appropriate products was comparatively fine. He admitted he may have gone noseblind during that relationship (he claims she didn't smell badly, but she also wasn't very physically active beyond slow yoga, worked from their air-conditioned home, and ate a raw vegan diet so maybe that influenced things or maybe she had great non-smelly genes or maybe he truly just couldn't smell her, who knows). He was involved with another woman with normal hygienic habits for nine months between her and myself who never said anything about his breath or odor. The visit itself went well. He keeps a clean apartment. One of the first things I noticed was that above his desk he keeps charts for each month's professional, fitness, and personal goals, and among them were getting his teeth looked at, using mouthwash at least twice a day, and getting into the habit of taking a second shower. He told me he hadn't been to the dentist in six years out of anxiety after a bad experience, so he asked a buddy to go with him. He had two cavities filled and a deep-cleaning and said it was far less stressful than he thought it would be. He made a point to use mouthwash if we were going to be intimate at any point, took mints from me whenever I offered them when we were out (I need one after any meal if I'm not able to brush my teeth). The body odor issue was pretty much totally solved just by his wearing deodorant. He did shower twice a day most days, but on the two nights where we came home very late and exhausted from a social event and he asked I'd be ok with it if he just went straight to sleep since he was too tired for sex, he didn't smell noticeably at all. I didn't consider this as a factor, but it's also nearly 20 degrees cooler where he lives vs. where we took a trip together, and our previous trip involved daily active and outdoorsy things like hiking that we only did once this time. He will be visiting me in a month in the hot place where I live, so we'll see how that goes. TLDR: I was dating a guy with bad hygiene, I talked to him it, and I just spent a week with him. He took my concerns seriously and was proactive, so these issues may be over. Hooray! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **emccm** >Do you really want to be with a man who tells you to feel ok with you asking him to wear deodorant? He should be doing this without you asking. >You spoke to him. He’s worried you’ll leave so he improved. He will let it slide again. No one gets to 38 without this level of hygiene being a choice. >Also, asking you if it’s ok not to shower? Girl you are not his mother. He will eventually come to resent you for this. >This really isn’t a positive update at all. **OOP replied** >His very long-term partner asked him to stop wearing deodorant because she believed it would give them both cancer and nobody felt the need to ask him to start wearing it again until I did almost twelve years after he stopped, and dude works the kind of job where people are expected to keep their appearances up. >I do understand that people often shower once a day, as he does, but I prefer to do it twice, and I prefer to do so before bed. He is changing what many people would view as an acceptable showering routine to suit me. >People change habits in relationships. I have never been in a long-term relationship where I didn't alter some part of my routine to accommodate a partner, and in healthy relationships, these alterations didn't cause resentment. If he falls back into his old ways, it will be a dealbreaker, but so far he's sticking to these habits when I'm not around and hasn't said a word to me to indicate that he's unhappy about it. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (36f) am dating a new guy (38m) but his hygiene is lacking. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15f1o95/i_36f_am_dating_a_new_guy_38m_but_his_hygiene_is/

15f1pvl

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/No_Marzipan_2244 **Bought a house, but wasn't informed that the garden was part of a right of way for ramblers. I have an average of 12 people passing through my property every single day. Do I have any remedy?** **Originally posted to** r/LegaladviceUK **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!sexual harassment, destruction of property!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Frustrating for OOP!< **NOTE: A rambler is a person whose hobby is going on long walks in the countryside, often as part of an organized group** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/x2hpt5/bought_a_house_but_wasnt_informed_that_the_garden/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 31, 2022** Closed on a house couple of months ago and moved in. My garden backs on to a forested field; however, it turns out that ramblers had been crossing through this field, through my garden, and down onto a country road as a shortcut. I began constructing a fence across my garden, but my contractors were confronted by a pair of angry ramblers who talked about their being a right of way to walk through here for years. It appears that ramblers have been using this route for years - something which the seller never disclosed. I now have an average of 12 people and their dogs crossing through my garden every day. Every night I have to clean up dog poop, bags of dog poo, and litter that are left discarded in my garden. I have also had my vegetable and berry patch picked clean of fruit when it was just about ready to be harvested. Not to mention they take breaks in my garden furniture, damaging two chairs. Furthermore, my family have absolutely no privacy. My daughter was sunbathing in her bikini when two male ramblers stopped mid-way through my property and leered at her. Can I close off this right of way for ramblers? EDIT: I can supply a map in microsoft paint if that would help. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **MiserableCoconut** >Shouldn't this be an issue for the council , if it is a right of way then the solicitor should be sued. If it isn't a right of way you will have to put some signage up telling them it is not a right of way **OOP replied** >>Sorry, forgot to mention that I spoke with the records office of the local council. It is a public right of way. >>What does suing a solicitor entail? Is there any chance of having the sale reversed? I have absolutely no desire to spend the next god-knows-how-many years of my life living with absolutely no privacy. >>The right of way extends down my driveway as well - a very tight 50m long road, which means I sometimes can't even get my car out until a rambler finishes walking up it. >>I've also caught some peeping through my downstairs windows on the way past. I've had to permenantly close the blinds. I feel like I'm living in a bloody prison. * [Update - 11 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/15945yt/update_bought_a_house_but_wasnt_informed_that_the/) **July 25, 2023** It's been about a year. And it's been another dreadful summer. Rambler numbers have increased drastically. We're averaging 3 groups of ramblers per hour cutting through our property now. Many of these groups contain men who are acting creepy towards my daughter. We have to keep our downstairs curtains and blinds permenantly closed or we get people nosying in as they pass by. On a weekly basis people sit in our lawn furniture. Asking them to leave constantly results in defiant attitudes and fights. My daughter can't stay in the garden alone because of creepy men who keep trying to chat her up. She has been followed right to the back door of the kitchen on two occassions. Confronting the men results in them speaking in their native language and pretending they don't understand me - even though they were clearly speaking to my daughter in English just a minute prior. Engagement with societies and our local council has not resulted in any changes being made to this right of way that runs through my property. We filed numerous police reports about the men who harass our daughter. They never come out in time to catch the men. We showed officers photographs of the men who do it. We're selling as soon as possible. This is literally unbearable for my whole family. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** manamonkey >>"Engagement with societies and our local council has not resulted in any changes being made to this right of way that runs through my property." >Because.....? >If you want any legal advice, you'll have to give some kind of detail about what you've tried so far and why it hasn't been successful. **OOP replied** >Sorry, seller failed to disclose a public right of way through the property on the TA06 form. >Seller has now left the country and we have no recourse to pursue him. >We spoke with out council's Countryside Access Team. After a drawn out process it was decided that no action was required as the public right of way formed a critical link and there were no suitable alternative routes available. >We spoke with Ramblers assoiciations in the area who refused to do anything about the harassement we are facing aside from putting out a general email asking them to "not pick the fruit and veg." They disavowed any connection to the men harassing my daughter and refuse to engage on that matter. * **doomladen** >If it didn't show up on searches, why do you believe the right of way exists at all? **OOP replied** >I've confirmed its existence with our local council's Countryside Access Team. It's an old one that runs through land that is now owned by the National Trust. My property basically serves as the "exit point" for the entire right of way. >People go in one side of the forest; and my driveway takes you out the far side. * **jennymayg13** Can you create a fence in pathway? So that they have a contained way of passing through? **OOP replied and made a map** >Shape of garden does not lend itself to that. >I need access to "Another old wall" on the map below as that has my veg/fruit patches, and my septic tank. >https://imgbb.com/1LW1zSC * **Wise_Ferret_8118** >I assume you did have a conveyancing solicitor when you purchased the house? >Apologies if you have clarified this already, but I can see lots of comments saying speak to them about it, but can't see your response to this? >It appears you have already tried a few routes to sort this, so i assume you spoke to the solicitors first - If you did, what was their stance when you spoke to them?? **OOP replied** >Yes, I did. >I've been speaking to them and they assisted me in drafting letters to challenge the right of way with the local authority. It ultimately failed though. >It appears responsibility lies with the seller who deliberately hid the right of way on the LA06 form. The seller has since moved out of the country to Pakistan, making legal recourse almost impossible. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Bought a house, but wasn't informed that the garden was part of a right of way for ramblers. I have an average of 12 people passing through my property every single day. Do I have any remedy?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15f1pvl/bought_a_house_but_wasnt_informed_that_the_garden/

15fh3pb

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/ThrowRA540098 **in** r/relationship_advice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Abusive behavior, Gaslighting!< mood spoilers: >!Upset, Concerned, Empowered!< --- &nbsp; [**My (20F) boyfriend (20M) said that I was embarrassing him while I was giving birth to our baby**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/htfqo9/my_20f_boyfriend_20m_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) - Sat, July 18, 2020 We have been in a relationship for 1 year and we had a baby boy last week. I had a natural birth and my bf was there throughout the whole process. I screamed A LOT and each time I did he whispered something like "Can you stop screaming? You're really embarrassing me." I also threw up a few times and I saw him cover his face in shame. When I held the midwife's hand for comfort he whispered "Let go of her, stop being so embarrassing." He also said that my birthing position was embarrassing and called me a few vulgar names. I'm really upset about his behavior that day, especially when it was when I needed his support the most. When I try to talk to him about it he denies ever saying it and that I'm being silly... ***Comments*** **CodingBlonde** >NFO: Did he convince you to get pregnant? >This whole situation reads as an abuser starting to trap his victim. One way abusers do this is to convince their abused to have kids with them. His behavior is seriously concerning, abuse doesn’t start overnight it’s a slippery slope and the abusers tend to double down after certain milestones are reached. >Trust your other relationships right now. Your boyfriend is not to be trusted and I do not think you should forgive him for his behavior. It will only get worse. Get yourself to safety, please. Call your mom and make a plan. **OOP** >>He mentioned that having a baby would be a good idea, however the baby was unplanned. >>My mum says I should definitely leave him but I can't stay at her house, so I'm trying to decide where I go from here. I might try to discuss couple counseling with him first. **Edit:** I know that there are a lot of comments but I am reading them all, and I just want to thank everybody for the advice and support so far. :) I spoke to my mum about this but she is the very traditional type and although she said his behavior is wrong, I should try couple counseling first. I really don't think he is going to listen to me when I suggest getting help but I'll try. I am also going to talk to my public health nurse. **Edit 2:** Thank you so much to everybody who commented and dmed me with words of support and those who have also been in similar situations. I have since tried to discuss the option of couple counseling to him but to no avail, which didn't surprise me. My mum has agreed to let me stay there until I can find a new place for myself and baby. I haven't said anything to him yet, I've been advised not to so I am still planning out how I am going to take the next step. --- &nbsp; [**Update: My boyfriend said that I was embarrassing him while I was giving birth to our baby**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hv4wc1/update_my_boyfriend_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - 3 Days After Original Post Thank you so much for everyone's advice and support, both through dms and on the original post. I want to update as many people were very concerned and I promised it to a few people. Reading people's responses reassured me about how serious the situation was and how I'd be stupid if I stayed in the relationship and allowed it to get worse. I spoke to my mum, who recommended couple counseling and if that didn't work then I would be allowed to live with my parents. I then approached him when he came home and gave him an ultimatum, I told him he can either continue to ignore that he acted horribly during the birth and other numerous times, or he can admit to how he has treated me and apologize and get counseling, but obviously he continued to gas-light me and got extremely angry to the point where he was screaming at both me and the baby. He ended up storming out to his best friends. I was also advised against couple counseling by many of you as you said it often encourages an abuser's behavior, which made a lot of sense and I wish I read that before speaking to him. My mum came round after he left and said he's an asshole and even though she doesn't 'agree' with single parenting, she thought anything would be better than staying with him and enabling his behavior. He has tried to visit me and the baby since as he guessed I was at my mum's, both my mum and I have told him it's over and that we're leaving the rest down to the courts, I will be telling my solicitor everything so who knows what the custody arrangements will be, I'm just glad that myself and my baby are out of there and I can finally enjoy being a mother, yesterday I went shopping and bought what I wanted instead of what he wanted and I never felt so free since before I met him, to many people that will sound ridiculous, but quite frankly he controlled every single aspect of my life. However, I am planning on going to therapy as I feel like the bad experience I had at my birth as well as his abuse in other areas has left a profound effect on me. I also called a few domestic abuse hotlines and they gave me some brilliant advice, thank you to whoever it was that sent me those. What was weird was the best friend he went over to see actually contacted me yesterday to say how happy he is to hear that I'm leaving him, he said he noticed how unhappy he made me and how disrespectful he is around women as a whole, and that the abuse didn't exist just towards me but to his colleagues also. So it's good to know that I have a few people on my side. No doubt things will be constantly changing from now until the foreseeable future, and I am terrified, but the main thing is that I'm away from him and me and my son are safe, and that I'm feeling empowered enough to know that the way he treated me was 100% wrong and that he will pay the right price as long as I fight for it. Thanks again, I won't forget all of you that helped in the time when I needed it the most. ❤ &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My (20F) boyfriend (20M) said that I was embarrassing him while I was giving birth to our baby

REPOST

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fh3pb/my_20f_boyfriend_20m_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/

15fi9rc

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/ACFF **in** r/MaliciousCompliance. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Mention of cancer!< mood spoilers: >!Insulted, Confused, Satisfaction!< --- &nbsp; [**CEO didn't understand what my department did apparently...**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/bvld0c/ceo_didnt_understand_what_my_department_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, Jun 01, 2019 Some backstory; I was a general troubleshooter for my company. My job involved a lot of travelling to different clients we support. My area of work is Ontario, Canada (where I am based out of) and some of the nearby States in the United States (New York, massachusetts, Vermont, Pennsylvania.) I did most of my travelling by car since my schedule can change quite quickly and flying can become very expensive. I had one colleague who is technically my subordinate but we have a very good working relationship and would often handle calls independently of each other only checking in by phone once a week and in person once a month / when necessary. A little over a year ago I get an email calling me to the head office in New York City for a meeting with the CEO and the board of directors regarding my job. I check with my colleague and he got the same email. So we make our travel plans and meet in New York City the following week. We have dinner together the night before our meeting and can't figure out between us what the issue is about (it's rare to get summoned to head office and more rare for things to be so vague). When we go into the meeting the next day we are informed that the company is dividing our department between the US and Canada and that there would be a new person to deal with the US clients and we were to restrict ourselves to Canada. Both my colleague and I were a little shocked at this since neither of us has even heard this was being discussed. I asked who the new person for the US was and we then learned that it was a new hire that the CEO had taken a special interest in. Trying to be of good spirit I offered to train the new person. (There are many realities of the job that are not in the job description). CEO accepted and then brought in the new hire. In walks a young lady who looks about 23 years old and wears an expression that she knows everything. She sits at the table and immediately makes it very clear that she wants nothing to do with us. ***CEO - Bob, New Hire - Karen, My Colleague - Jim.*** Bob: Welcome Karen, we have just informed OP and Jim about the change in structure and they are willing to give you the support you need to get yourself started. Karen and Bob both look at me. Me: Glad to have you aboard Karen, I think both Jim and I have a lot of experience to share with you and we are happy to do so, perhaps it would be better in a separate meeting so we don't take the board's time. Karen: Thank you all. I have a lot of ideas about how I can streamline our department and new policies I can introduce that should save the company a lot of money in expenses. I'm very confused at this point. Karen is speaking as though she is my supervisor and that is distinctly not what Bob spoke to us about. I can see some of the board members giving strange looks at this as well. Me: Bob perhaps I misunderstood the new roles here. Would you please clarify? Bob: Sure, Karen is the new head of your department and both you and Jim will answer directly to her. Board member: That isn't what we discussed or approved as a board. We weren't fully convinced of dividing the department but this is completely against what we discussed. Karen: What did you discuss then? Board Member: That your department would be divided between the US and Canada. OP and Jim would remain north of the border and you would run the US. Karen: That's not what I was told but I can work with that. As long as these two stay out of my way. (Indicating me and Jim) Jim and I are both shocked and insulted to be spoken of in this manner. We are both very good at our jobs and before today have never seen this woman in our lives. Bob: That settles it, OP, effective immediately, you and Jim are to have nothing to do with Karen. Do not interfere with her work at all. You are both to restrict yourselves to working within Canada only. With that he ended the meeting and left the room with Karen close behind him. Jim and I sat there stunned for a moment and some of the board members came up to us to express their shock and sympathies about this. I had enough presence of mind to ask if we would get a written directive of this change and was assured we would. Sure enough both Jim and I got emails with the new directive from Bob by the end of the day. So after sending an email to all our US based clients advising them of the change and giving them the contact information of Karen, Jim and I made our way back to Toronto and reorganized ourselves for working within Ontario only. This meant much less travelling for us so it gave us more room to breathe. Within a week I was getting complaints from our US based clients that Karen was not answering emails and missing appointments. I forwarded these emails to Karen and copied the entire board including Bob. Another week later I get a phone call from Karen who sounds frantic but will not admit she needs help. She makes pleasant conversation and then asks how I would handle a particular type of situation. I tell her I'm really not interested in discussing work as that might be seen as interfering in her work. Later that evening I get a call from Jim telling me he had the same conversation with Karen and handled it the same way. By the end of that month I get a call from Bob asking if I will take over the entire department again. I politely tell him no since I didn't want to interfere with Karen and her role. For the next 3 months I'm getting emails and phone calls from US clients asking if they can have me back as their contact. This confirms an idea that had been in my head. Jim and I had actually grown our client base in Ontario since restricting ourselves here. So I had lunch with Jim one day and asked him if he wanted to go into businesses with me as partners starting our own consulting firm. We couldn't provide everything our current company provided but we could provide a high degree of professionalism for our specific field and it seemed we had a ready made client base. By the end of the lunch he was on board and we started the necessary steps to get ourselves setup. As soon as we were clear we both submitted our resignations with explanations of why. The next time clients contacted us we told them we no longer worked for the company. When they asked if we still worked in the field we told them we had established our own firm and what services we offered. A month later we had 60% of our US clients on board, and since the former company had no Canadian support at all, we had 80% of the Canadian clients. Within 2 months we had 80% of the US and 90% of the Canadian clients. In the year since that time our new company has grown enough that we have hired 7 new consultants. Jim and I find ourselves doing more office work than road work, and a lot of client courting. Our old company has had to stop offering the in person troubleshooting (what our department did) and Bob was fired by the board. No idea what happened to Karen. &nbsp; ***Update was added to the original post*** **UPDATE** Because of interest expressed in the comments I made a phone call to one of the board members I remained on friendly terms with. Here are some answers to questions. How did Karen get the Job? Apparently Bob had set up a business school scholarship out of his own money which had put something like 6 or 7 students through business school. Karen was the latest graduate and Bob wanted to give her a start in the business world. Was Bob sleeping with Karen? No clear answer was given. But Bob's wife divorced him shortly after he was fired from the company. Make of that what you will. What happened to Karen? Apparently she got a job as middle management in a financial services company. Hopefully she can still build a life for herself and had learned some important lessons. What happened to Bob? Last heard he was a regional director for a large hotel chain. Hopefully he also lands on his feet. Everyone deserves a chance to make a life for themselves. Some questioned why the board was there for this meeting. I honestly don't know and neither did the board member I spoke with. It was one of their regularly scheduled meetings and Bob added things to the agenda. Some questioned my use of non competes saying its not nice. Its a normal reality in the business world. The oddity is that my old company did not have one. The non compete I have my employees sign is not overly burdensome. It protects our intellectual property and professional contacts. It does not in any way restrict the employees ability to work in the field. That said, Jim and I have both agreed that if an employee leaves us on good terms and reasonably asks to be released from the non compete we would oblige. Some inquired if we are still hiring. Unfortunately we are not. We are taking a pause from expansion right now as Jim's wife is dealing with cancer. I don't want Jim to worry about the office while taking care of his wife so we have decided to maintain our size (which I can do with minimal input from Jim) until his wife is in remission and he has a chance to rest and return his attention more fully to our company. Jim and I treat each other like family. So this is a natural step for us. Thank you all so much for your interest and the great feedback and discussion in the comments. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

CEO didn't understand what my department did apparently...

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fi9rc/ceo_didnt_understand_what_my_department_did/

15fkwqn

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Exact_Butterscotch40 **Me and my brother will never be the same because of a fake wedding.** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes & r/weddingshaming **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Public humiliation, family upheaval and possible financial abuse, mentions of sexual assault of a child(mentioned in a tiktok video)!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!OOP handles everything and looks after her own mental wellbeing!< **THE CAST OF CHARACTERS** u/Exact_Butterscotch40 - **OOP, who was publicly humiliated by her brother, New BIL and the wedding party** u/Objective_Coat_5948 - **OOP's BIL who made an account to respond** u/slaphappypap - **A wedding guest and friend/former employee of the BIL appeared** **All posts and replies are in chronological order** ##**ORIGINAL POST** * [Original Post - deleted](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/151x6d4/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) [OOP crossposted to wedding shammimg - since deleted](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/15259qp/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 17, 2023** https://imgur.com/a/acrWWlI Me (30,f) and my brother (31, m) have always been as close as twins. Our closeness is a foundation in our family. One of the true consistent relationships- (obviously not in a weird way) when we fight (which is never or small fights) the whole family feels it and tries to fix it because of how unnatural it feels for everyone. He gave me away at my wedding. I named a child after him. We have matching tattoos. We talk on the phone almost everyday. He started planning his wedding. He asked me to be a groomsmen - while his friend (35ish, f) would be is best man. Everyone thought this was odd because of his role at my wedding - and none of us really know/ have met his friend. I expressed how it hurt my feelings and was met with “my wedding isn’t about you” ok. Fine. I’ll do what you ask. During the planning he called me everyday. We sent ideas. I helped with making stuff. I didn’t mind. I decided early on to not focus on titles but just to make this day as amazing as possible for my brother. He asked me to be “flower fairy” because this was a gay- child free wedding. I agreed. During the process of dress / shoe picking him and the “best man” would shoot down all of my ideas. She would send very basic heels that were around 100$ - heck no. I told her my budget was 45$ for shoes. Especially for plain gold heels. The wedding party all had very mean girl mentality. I felt it from day one. There was the wedding party .. and then me. I chalked this up to not really knowing them well and proximity (all of them live in a different state than me) they even went as fair as saying the shoes I like were “to slutty” (they were the type of small heels that place up around your calf or around your ankle) After this I begged to come as a guest. So I could wear what I want and not feel this weird mean girl mod mentality from the rest of the wedding group. My brother says no way, I can’t get married without you being by my side, I get to the state the wedding will be and the first day I’m there I find out best man had the bachelor party the night before I got there everyone from the wedding party was included aside for me. I let it go and focus on the wedding and doing my part. So, I slap on some wings dance my way down the isle and give my fairy first wedding speech. All goes well. The wedding was awesome until- the drag show. Yes, they had a drag show at their wedding. During the show one of the queens comes on and basically announces that this was all fake because my brother and his partner had gotten married one year prior. I turn to the rest of the wedding party and ask did they know ? They did. They were at the “real wedding”. Everyone but me. I’m sitting there trying to process and my mom (who gave them 3k for the wedding because they needed it) storms up to ask if I knew. I told her no- and she immediately switched to being supportive to me because of how bad the situation was. It’s not about them already being married. They can do what they want. I myself spend over 4k on this wedding. Because I was coming from out of state I had to get a plane ticket. I paid for a week at an Airbnb (one night most of the wedding party stayed at the house I rented because they didn’t have anywhere else to stay, and did not even offered to pay for any of it) . The dress for the wedding. The fairy wings I hand made. All of it. I spent to much time and money on this wedding. But then I start to remember all of the lies. They got married… and three days after my brother was at my house while I have birth to my last child because I always want him a part of my huge moments. He held my new born - knowing he had just gotten married and said nothing. They gaslight me saying I was crazy feeling left out. Him saying he can’t get married without me. Lying to my face every single day for a year. Just … all of it. After realizing all of this i tried to leave without making a sense. His husband mockingly asked me if I was mad. I said I’d talk to them another day and they should enjoy their night. I was able to leave without anyone else at the wedding knowing I was upset. Before I could leave the happy couple pulls me into a room- my brother is crying saying he didn’t do this to hurt me- I keep it together say enjoy or night and we will talk another day- his husband says “oh so there is something to talk about then” I repeat we can talk another day. They ask me to brunch. I say I’ll see if I’m up / ready for it when they go. The next morning I realize the whole wedding party and some guest are going to lunch. I choose not to go because I am not going to put myself in a situation where I am ganged up on… again over my feelings about the wedding and wedding party. After that I left the wedding chat on snap (which they were notified of) at this point it’s the next morning and his husband starts blowing me and my friend (who was with me) up. We ignore and go about our day. I have not looked at or spoken to my brother since- aside from short responses to get me to the airport the day I left. When i left I asked them to crop me out of the wedding photos as I didn’t want to be associated with a fake wedding and I didn’t want a reminder of how embarrassing it was and how stupid I looked. I told them I didn’t want to speak to them again … my brother says nothing and his husband says “your a narcissist and I feel bad for the people who have to deal with you” pretty sure narcissistic more aligns with tricking 100 people into coming to a wedding (some of the wedding that was paid for by other people) just to tell everyone haha this was just a giant party for us - jokes on you is probably more narcissistic than me reacting to the time money- energy spend to attend a fake wedding. But alright. Lol. I just don’t know where to go from here. I have them both blocked. There is a line in our family. My brother has not tried to fix it. He has the chance to show me what I meant to him… he did .. and now I have to believe him. I’m going to try to update in sections - 1. I guess to answer if he is in an abusive relationship that really is up to each person to decide. I will not, and won’t label him as abusive because I’m not in that relationship with them. • My mentioning of the drag queens was because they are a part of the story.? Hello- it was one of the queens that made the announcement? I’m not sure why some of you are taking that as me being anything phobic. Mentioning that somebody is gay, or that drag queens attended a wedding is a part of a story and it’s factual. It’s not anything phobic. Our family, as well as new husband’s family have always been nothing but supportive and excepting. • My mom. My mom has two kids who are very hurt. She could never hate my brother, but she definitely does not like the decisions that he has been making. She is doing her best to support her two children. • Gay wedding. No kids allowed. Two separate statements lol. They definitely did not ban Gay children from their wedding. Lol.! I mentioned both of these things to explain why I was a flower fairy. No kids. Flower girl. Fairy- to go along with the gay/Dragon theme.? Hello people. I proudly slap those wings on and dance my way down the aisle. That is definitely not anything phobic lol. For those of you who are saying anything along those lines, you were definitely reaching and projecting. Using narcissistic when it actually does not apply to the person in my opinion is trying to Weaponized [More info in the comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/151x6d4/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/jsbvlv0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 17, 2023** TOP QUESTIONS !!! For some reason, I cannot edit my post to add this, so hopefully most of you will see it • Me and new husband as far as I know, did not have any hard feelings going into the wedding. There was a time when they were dating that I expressed I didn’t like the fact that my brother was working two jobs for a new husband to try to become a “music producer” I watched my brother, kill himself for years to try to support both of them while he sat around smoking weed in his “studio” and ever since then new husband decided that I hate him even though we have since squashed all of those issues when he got a job and started contributing- even when we did not get along I always made it very clear if my brother loves you and I love you too • Both families have been very supportive. There is no homophobia or anything like that on either side. • Is my brother in an abusive relationship? I don’t know I guess that’s what each individual person would consider abusive. I don’t wanna label my brother’s partner unfairly as abusive when I’m not in a relationship myself and my brother has never expressed feeling abused. I think if you consider this behavior manipulative and abusive, then that’s up to your own discretion however, I am not going to give anyone that label. • I didn’t decide this was a fake wedding. THEY DID when THEY decided to announce in the middle of the ceremony that they were already married. THEY made It a “fake wedding” when THEY announced that it was fake. Lol hello? 5- Russian bots. ? Pushing propaganda? OK people I only mentioned the fact that there was a drag show at the wedding because that is a very uncommon thing…. I found out that my brother had been married for a year and had been lying to my face via drag queen announcements. That is just stating the facts. That has absolutely nothing to do with the drag community, or how myself, or anybody else should feel about them. They were paid to do a job and they showed up and did what they were paid to do. I have no ill will towards anybody in any type of community. Those of you who are saying me, mentioning them comes off as judgmental are very much for reaching. For those of you who think it’s weird that I did not mention that he was gay.? Why is that weird? And why is that relevant to the story lol.! The people who had their panties in a wad, probably have more of an issue with the community than I do. Stop making this post about anything other than what it is about. • At the end of the day, I am mourning the loss of my brother. I am mourning the relationship that I thought him and I had… and to be honest based off of my perspective of our closeness I am honestly questioning my own sanity- do you generally spend hours talking to somebody, getting matching tattoos, planning a wedding, being at holidays and childbirth with somebody that you’re not close with? At least on my end I did not make up how close I was with my brother if it was not reciprocated, and he is a very good actor. And honestly me questioning our closeness has been the most hurtful part about this entire experience. It’s made me question if I’m crazy or not. • Gay wedding. Child free. Two separate statements. It was not a wedding where they did not invite gay kids lol. For anyone who read it like that you are extra weird. My brother is obviously gay and got married to a man…. Therefore, it is a gay wedding… children were not allowed to attend the wedding there for a child free. Two separate things people. Both are ok. And I also want to say that I would never have slapped fairy wings on my back and dance down the aisle if I was not 100% supportive of them - please stop trying to make this an issue other than two siblings, having a falling out [another comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/151x6d4/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/jscjnqs?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 17, 2023** Ok aoooooo. I feel like you are very much twisting the story lol. I did not make sure everyone knew I was leaving the wedding. I actually left very discreetly at almost midnight when the wedding was ending at 1 AM. I did not make my brother cry his now Husband kept trying to force a conversation that I asked respectfully multiple times to not have the night of the wedding so that way it would not ruin their day. I showed up and every single thing my brother asked of me. I took the bullying, and it kept my mouth shut for most of it after I was accused of trying to make the wedding about me. From that point on, I went out of my way to do everything I could to make his day as special as I could for him. [Comment about her husband](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/151x6d4/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/jscmtn4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 17, 2023** Brother try to contact my husband to ask how to pay back what I spent to come to the wedding. My husband said that he was not going to get involved. Brother tried to convince my husband that I was over reacting. My husband told Brother that is absolutely not true, and I have every right to be upset and what he did was bonkers. My husband very much has been supportive, but also is very sad to see me and my brother fighting like this. ##**UPDATE 1** * [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/153v5s7/im_am_the_flower_fairy_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 19, 2023** **I'm the flower fairy** I’m going to do my best to put as much information as I can but it ends up really long and reddit will not let me post. So I’m going to try to answer all of the questions and I’m going to paraphrase a lot. The update is- there is no update. Things are the same. They are still blocked. One suggestion was that I should write him a letter, which I actually did do the day after this happened and I left it in his room.- I laid out all of my feelings, and describe in detail. How hurt I was. We had a 2 Hour Dr. where he said absolutely nothing even after reading my letter. I did end up losing all of my manners when I landed and my husband informed me that he sent him a message basically saying that I was over reacting. I said a lot of things that I was not very proud of. At the end of the day I stand by my truth, and I stand by my perspective of what happened. Please stop trying to make this a phobia issue.- both families have been nothing but supportive- they represent themselves not an entire group of people- stop being so simple minded. The mention of drag queens was only there because one of the queens announced that they had gotten married a year ago.- plus how many times do you see a drag show at a wedding? If YOU read some imaginary undertone, that is definitely a YOU issue. moving on. New husband in my opinion is not somebody that I would label as abusive- however abuse is subjective. I think this more falls down to him being very emotionally immature. I am not a yes man, I was for the wedding.. that’s an appropriate time to be a yes man … outside of that new husband has always been intimidated by my opinion- I think he knows I can see through his BS. weak men hate strong women. That’s a fact. And that’s the case here. However, we did not have any type of beef on the wedding day- or for years before - I made it clear if my brother loves you and wants to spend his life with you then I support that. My mom is trying her best to be as supportive as she can to both of her kids.- she could never hate my brother, although she absolutely hates what he did- as far as I go- I don’t know who I am without my brother- he was just as important to me as my children and my husband- it was always me and him. To say that I am mourning is an understatement. This whole situation has made me question a 30 year relationship. Realizing his capability to live a double life that I’m not a part of has rock to my entire world in my entire sense of reality. I’m not ok. I’m going to spend the next year being no contact- I’m going to go to therapy and get my mind, body and soul in the Best place possible - while pushing as much good karma into the world as I can. Maybe then I will be able to decide if I want to close that door fully and permanently- or if I’m at a place where I’m willing to create a new normal with him. At the end of the day- I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken - I also want to address frequently asked things. 1. Baby was #5- no fear of being overshadowed- the date that they got married was because it was a dating anniversary for them- nothing to do with me or my pregnancy. 2. I am aware that people get married and have a large ceremony later.- that’s ok! ITS NOT WHAT THEY DID. ITS HOW THEY DID IT. 3. I am not a Russian bot Trying to push propaganda lol. Those comments did make me laugh though. 4. If I had the answer to why they would feel comfortable doing this to me then I guess I wouldn’t be as dumbfounded as I am… I’m not leaving out any type of detail … honestly, it would be a lot easier if I did something so horrible to deserve this because then I wouldn’t have to wonder why, I’d know. at the end of the day I’m not OK. I don’t know if there’s anything he could do to fix this.. I’ll always wonder if he’s telling me the truth or what he’s hiding. After the way that his husband spoke to me, and after him allowing him to do that, I’m honestly so disgusted with both of them. I deleted the original post because I didn’t want them to be attacked, sadly, I still have a need to try to protect him- I don’t know you guys. **THE BROTHER-IN-LAW APPEARED AND MADE A COMMENTS IN THE ORIGINALPOST** **u/Objective_Coat_5948** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/15259qp/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/jt3s2eu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) July 23 Brother in law here, I’ll just start by saying for one, having a big wedding ceremony one year later was not my idea, but once we decided that we were going to do it, we consulted many times about telling people beforehand for fear of things like this happening. I’ve never had a great relationship with op, but we’ve tried to make things work mostly for my husband(her brother) because I knew they were very close and while I wasn’t too fond of her due to our interactions in the past. I know how important those close relationships are and would never wish to tear that apart. Op didn’t want to talk about it at all, we tried to apologize and explain that the intention was never for any humiliation or insult to anyone at all. but she wouldn’t have any conversation about it especially the night of. The next day at the air bnb I tried to open a dialogue with op about how she was feeling, and she only responded with snark and comments about how “there’s nothing to talk about” (that’s the small conversation where the “so there is something to talk about” statement was said by me) I eventually let it be and left the room. Everything that was said by her didn’t help me or anyone understand really how she felt about it and the little she did say seemed very self centered and about how this was a plan to humiliate her specifically, which it was most definitely not. Reading through this now though, I do understand a bit more why she felt that way. And for that I truly am sorry. Anyway I’m not entirely sure how these work or if there’s a proper way to post this but, ask me anything ig. **u/Exact_Butterscotch40 reply** >All I am going to say is- you both are married now and you made your choice- you both are a partnership- you both collectively decided to do this and decided it was a good idea and the consequences is . I want nothing to do with either one of you ever again. That’s it. There is no reason or purpose to keep having an open dialogue about this because it’s done. And you starting out your post with you don’t like me pretty much confirmed everything that I said. I wish you and him nothing but happiness, but this conversation is over. I’ve heard your side of things and it still isn’t good enough to justify what you both did. and I’m choosing to walk away from both of you. **u/Exact_Butterscotch40 MADE ANOTHER REPLY** [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/15259qp/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/jt4wt03?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 19, 2023** He admits in the text above he knew. He literally says we didn’t want to tell people because they were there and happy. He knew what he was doing. It was a huge manipulation. Lying to people to get what you want is manipulation. Omitting things from people to not give them the power to make a fair choice is also very much manipulation. They knew what they were doing. At the sentence the other people said “brother doesn’t value sister the same way” that’s it. That’s the end of the argument. They both showed me exactly what I meant to them. The motivation behind it is not really important anymore. Maybe this was just a total oversight in a mistake- but regardless, the result was the same- and the consequence remains the same- I want nothing to do with y’all. I wish you happiness because I will always love n. If you make him happy then I am so happy for the both of you. Truly I am. Our relationship was the sacrifice for this day, and you both decided to make it. I reacted to it and was trying to sort through my feelings by posting on this podcast. I did not expect for it to go viral so for that I am sorry. I did try to remove the post, but it was too late. I realize that “you don’t like me due to past interactions.” And that’s fine. So what I am about to say won’t matter. My heart is completely shattered. I’m literally going through a mourning process like someone died. Because that night the relationship N and I had did die. He has always been my person. He isn’t now, and I’ve never felt more alone. I honestly don’t know if I’m going to be ok. Both of your responses just confirm everything I said and everything I felt. You have your side. I have mine. But ultimately everyone is feeling the lose of me and N. This changes everything in the family. I’m going to continue to root for BOTH of you. Always. But I am going to do it from my side of the world. In an emergency either of you can call me and I’ll be there. But outside of that - I am good on both of you. You don’t like me- I’m out of your life now. You don’t get to “defer to n” when it comes to me but want to orchestrate our conversation after he did what he did. YOU are NOT a safe place for me. Just like I’m sure you feel like I’m not either. You win. Go be with n. Go have a happy life. * **eightmarshmallows commented to the BIL** >I have some questions. Why did the brother not tell her you were married for an entire year? I get surprising most of the guests, but his sister? And mom? It feels very mean. I know people who hold secrets as a method of “punishing” the other person, and this is definitely in that territory. Even your mom told you to tell them. >Why wasn’t OP allowed to back out of the wedding party? And it sounds like you were aware of how poorly this would go ahead of time, but still chose to follow through on the plan. Did you really call her a narcissist? I get not intending to cause harm and humiliation, but you didn’t do anything to prevent it, either. You decided that everyone else’s reaction was their own fault/responsibility, which is pretty callous. She was probably too upset to articulate her feelings adequately at the time, so it was too soon for a conversation. Based on his reactions and the way this was planned out, all sounds like maybe her brother does not actually value their relationship the same way she does and she needs to let it go. **u/Objective_Coat_5948** The decision to keep it a secret was in hindsight, a bad choice I’ll admit openly for sure, as for the rest of it… it’s tough because while it was definitely tense between us, I never wanted to make anything worse, so if I ever had to deal with op in any way I would always defer to her brother on how to do so. me reading all of this was the first I’m ever hearing about her wanting to back out of the wedding party sooo when it comes to that I have absolutely no idea. To be honest, I am a diagnosed adhd haver so I’m not super great at planning and anyone who knows both of us knows brother is the type a planner person so I wasn’t as involved in the wedding party/planning thing. I wish I said what I said in a different way but yes I did say that after she refused to talk to anyone for 2 days and once brother drops her off at the airport she decides to put us both in a text group chat and absolutely go tf off about how she can say her piece and she can stand by her truth and she won’t hear a word of anything else from anyone else. I know it was mean, and at the time i did want to convey that, I wish I didn’t say it but it’s too late. About the surprise, hindsight is 20/20, I was very fearful of a grand upset and I’m pretty sure brother was too, we talked about it, but it was like one of those things where someone texts you and you forget to text back and then after a while it’s just too awkward to say anything cause it’s been too long, obviously the magnitude of these things are vastly different and I’m aware of that, but when we decided we were going to do it we just stuck to our guns and the time just flew by and before you know it it’s the week of the wedding and people are here from out of town and there’s so much to do, and by that point we thought about telling specifically her and some other key family members. But figures we’ll it’s been so long already and rather than have a possible huge blowout that could be so bad it could maybe result in the wedding not even happening, everyone seems happy right now so we’ll just wait and hope for the best, and we’ll here we are, dumb decisions were made and that sucks. That comment is the only mean thing I said to her the entire week, and it was after trying so hard to smooth things over specifically with her and brother and getting cold shoulder followed by weird accusations She can hate me and that’s fine but brother doesn’t deserve the vitriol that was omitted by op’s posts and I was hoping for things to work out. The section above was particularly my perspective at the time given that I only had the little bit of her perspective that I had to filter through all the anger it was encased in. I feel a bit more sympathetic now tbh I still don’t agree with everything but I understand more now. and again I’m sorry for how painful it really was, I wish things could’ve been done differently, I really do. Sorry for the huge run on sentences **De_bitterbal** >So now your placing the majority of the blame on your husband, OPs brother? Way to be a partner to your new husband. >"I have adhd". How does that absolve you from being a person? >The only truthful thing I'm seeing here is that you didn't really like OP due to 'past interactions' **Objective_Coat_5948** I’m not placing blame on anyone I’m just saying what happened, the adhd doesn’t absolve anything, nor was it intended to. I’ll 100 admit my part of the wrong, but I didn’t mastermind anything like everyone is assuming I did. We made a dumb choice that led to hurt and I apologize for that truly, but I wont just let 3k people accuse me of something I didn’t do without at least trying to clarify from my pov. There’s a whole arc of shit between me and op from years ago that was left completely out of all her posts, and she knows that. [Final comment from the BIL](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/15259qp/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/jt8ao84?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Alr, well I’ve said my bit, I’ve apologized, I tried to smooth things over as much as I have the ability to, i don’t have any I’ll will towards anyone and I never have. It wasn’t supposed to hurt anyone, but it did and that sucks major booty, I didn’t mastermind anything, this wasn’t my idea, I said a mean thing in the end after being blasted in the texts. No one’s perfect, you’ve made up your minds about me from a one sided perspective and that’s okay, this is Reddit. At the end of the day all the people who have opinions on this in the comments weren’t there and don’t know the people involved at all irl. Wish you all the best with your future endeavors. Fr I really do mean it. But yeah ✌️🕊️ **ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE WEDDING PARTY POSTS** **(THIS PERSON DELETED THEIR COMMENTS - COMMENTS WERE SAVED)** https://imgur.com/NsHYrw4 [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/15259qp/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/jt1z6hg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 23, 2023** **u/slaphappypap** Whelp, I was at this wedding, though I was not a member of the wedding party. I agree that a lot of what happened with op on this is fucked up. But I’m calling bullshit on some of the things that was said by her brothers husband, or at least the tone it was said in, or the way it was interpreted maybe??? That man might just be the most stand up guy I know. He quickly became a best friend of mine when he became my boss over a year ago. I’ve seen him go above and beyond to help out people he’s not even fond of. The only scenario in which I see him doing these types of things is if op said some things she’s omitting from the post. Second thing I’m calling bullshit on. The entire wedding party was not at the lunch the next day. I was there, and two members of 6 were present. Op‘s brother’s best man was there and so was one other. There was a plan for everyone to go, but everyone had their own thing they needed to do. Lots of stuff needed to be driven around etc. Again, what happened with op was fucked up. Even from the point of view I heard it from which was her brothers husband. And I’m sure I know probably 10% of what actually went down with all of this. But there’s 2 sides to every story. In this case there’s more like 4. Her not being at their actual wedding makes sense given that she had just moved to the east coast and the wedding was on the west coast. That and as she mentioned she gave birth 3 days later. If it was my sister she would’ve known at least. And she would’ve been best man for me at the wedding party, but that’s me. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of this was exaggerated based on what I know. Which again isn’t much. **TheJuiceyJuice replied** >There are always two sides to a story for sure. >But lets take away all the narrative and leave in the main issues here. >OP spent a lot of time effort and money on the wedding having been led to believe the whole way through the process that it was a real wedding (when the rest of the Groomspeople all knew except for her that it wasnt). She was led to believe that she was one of the most important people there, she did what was asked of her by fairy dancing down the aisle (which not everybody would have the guts to do), to only then have it sprung on her that it was all fake in a humiliating way. Man, i'd be so gutted! >By doing what they did, how they did it, she probably feels really hurt and like they took away her important part in the wedding in those few short seconds and then she realised she was the only one who didnt know. Ooofff - Kick a fairy when shes down! It really could have been far better thought out. >I'll be honest - I would feel like the butt of the joke and really really embarrassed - I think most people would. >We all make mistakes and some damage control is certainly needed to rebuild bridges. Hope they work it out. I dont know what i'd do without my brothers and sisters in my life. **u/slaphappypap** 100% and I agree with just about everything you said. My point is that she made assumptions about at least two things. One of which was the lunch I was at. She assumed it was a big lunch that included everyone but her, when that was far from the case. It was me and 3 others. I picked where we ate 5 minutes before we went. I did nothing more than attend the wedding and stay overnight cause I drove 90 minutes there. And most of the actual wedding party wasn’t present at that lunch. In fact the grooms said they weren’t going because they wanted to talk to and spend time with op. So what else did she make assumptions about? I know she’s assumed her brothers husband put him up to this and that it was all his idea. She’s said that in the comments. This was not the case at all. The whole thing about not telling anyone was her brother’s idea. Again to reiterate, she’s valid in feeling the way she does about a lot of these things. And again, I know way less than she does, or her brother, or her brother’s husband. But I’m willing to bet that if her and her brother had a conversation about it, a lot of the air would get cleared. Would it completely mend her wounds? No. But they both should be willing to do that. I’m surprised to hear he didn’t talk at all in the car with her. That’s unfortunate. And to be clear, I don’t know op. We shook hands and introduced ourselves at the beginning of the wedding. That’s the extent of my knowing her. Clearly I’m biased, because I know her brothers husband well, and her brother pretty well at this point too. **slaphappypap left one final comment** Well I hope you have a lovely rest of your day. As for me. I'm out of this shit show ##**UPDATE 2** * [New update - Moving on](https://www.reddit.com/user/Exact_Butterscotch40/comments/159ttd3/moving_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 25, 2023** **Moving On** If your reading this you’re here because you are super invested in my families tea. Lol. But really. I’m ok. I’m going to be ok, or maybe I won’t. Either way I am going to keep moving forward and if you want to come along with me. You can follow me on tic tok. I’m not trying to be an influencer. I’m just going to use it as a diary / coping / safe space. My name on there is tkarrh29 * **NOTE - u/Exact_Butterscotch40 has so far posted videos of her in the dress she wore to the wedding** https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT887ML2G/ **as well her thoughts on what happened that night after the announcement was made, such as the wedding party looking to at her to make a scene which OOP did not do** https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT887ALo6/ **Another video where OOP talks about attending the wedding with her brothers father who** >!Sexually assaulted her as a child!< https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8L1ghsx/ **Link to transcript of the video courtesy of** u/mamapielondon: [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fkwqn/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/juenrek?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Me and my brother will never be the same because of a fake wedding

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fkwqn/me_and_my_brother_will_never_be_the_same_because/

15fl5we

**THIS POST WAS MADE BY** u/Soft-Sandwich5341 **FROM** r/TrueOffMyChest ​ Trigger Warning: >!Cheating!< ​ Mood spoiler: >!Infuriating!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14sfyr2/my_husband_is_mad_that_i_have_a_higher_iq_and_he/)\- 06 Jul 2023 ​ As the title says. He came home one day and gave me login’s to some iq test and I scored higher than him. First he was in disbelief then a bit sulky. I thought the whole thing was stupid and I never thought or experienced that I’m “smarter” and I never understood the logic of these tests. Anyway since then he has changed. He doesn’t want to cuddle or kiss me or anything. Last Saturday we attended a birthday party for my little nephew and my husband spent the evening chatting up my SIL’s sister who is very pretty. When we got home I just had it up to here with him and started crying because he ignored me for alt least three weeks and now he is flirting with other people. He denied everything. He denied being changed with me since the test but I wasn’t backing down this time. I told him that I wasn’t stupid and that he stopped being affectionate since that damned day. He finally admitted that he was turned off by the fact and wasn’t attracted to me. I asked him if he still wasn’t attracted to me and why? I haven’t changed. I’m still me. He apologized and said that he would put his shit together and that he knows how silly this is. But he has been ”wary” around me since. I still think he is turned off by me. What can I do now? &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14uqdzw/my_husband_isnt_attracted_to_me_because_i_am/) \- 09 Jul 2023 ​ We are taking a break. (Please read my first post if you don’t remember me) So I told my husband that I have had enough. He has obviously had a change of heart and I’m not gonna be there to witness him falling out of love with me. The mere thought is painful. He called me drama and and said that while his reaction was bitter and stupid I’m taking a huge leap in the wrong direction since he already acknowledged his mistake and is working towards being better. I told him that it wasn’t true. He is still avoiding me like I am a leper. I also asked to see his phone. He has been talking a bit too friendly to a co worker. It started immediately after this whole test thing, like he was determined to hurt me or I don’t know what he was trying to accomplish otherwise. In one of the texts he complained that I was neglectful and full of myself. How ironic to pretend that I’m the neglectful one when he has not even kissed my cheek in over a month. I felt it it was a matter of time before he would cheat on me. I’m not staying for that. I asked him to move out. This morning he texted me that he loved me and that he was sorry. He didn’t know what he was trying to prove to me or to himself but that he loves me and finds me very attractive. I call bullshit honestly. He is been so cold with me flirting with everyone that looked his way and now he is all loving and affectionate? He wants us to try therapy and he suggested that he needed to work on his insecurities with a therapist too. We have a daughter together who’s is 8 months old that we love more than anything but I don’t know. Why does it feel like it is over and that I don’t trust him anymore? I feel like I know now what he’s capable of doing when faced with adversity and going through rough patches is inevitable in every marriage. I don’t like his method of dealing with it. I’m too intelligent to put up with this. &#x200B; **I AM NOT OOP.**

My husband is mad that I have a higher IQ and he says that he is not attracted to me anymore.

ONGOING

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fl5we/my_husband_is_mad_that_i_have_a_higher_iq_and_he/

15fv6s4

Fun Fact To Cover Up Spoilers: Cats typically have 18 toes. Cats who are born with extra digits are polydactyl. Content Warning: >!Stalking, Abuse Mention!< Mood Spoilers: >!Main Point is Resolved By There's Some Pretty Big Loose Ends!< *Acronym Note: An "ofp" is an "order of protection", a protection you can get against abusers.* *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/Sudden-Pineapple-821 **\[I'm really uncomfortable to go to work and need advice. mn\](**[**https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/s22hlb/im\_really\_uncomfortable\_to\_go\_to\_work\_and\_need/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/s22hlb/im_really_uncomfortable_to_go_to_work_and_need/)**) (Originally Posted January 12th, 2022)** This in regards to my stalker. I do have an ofp because she's driven my attacker by my house and tried to drive my husband and child off the road. I found out today that right about the time I petition for my ofp, my old coworker contacted this woman for some reason and read this "blog" she has about me and how horrible of a human I am. He gave her my managers number and potentially gave her things like my work schedule, truck number, where I park, etc. My manager finally told me today since the guy quit and she "didn't want to cause issues between two employees". I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I'm uncomfortable to even go to work, especially since they don't keep the gate closed. This old coworker still works at the same place but just for a different contractor. My boss and manager are indifferent and I just have no idea what to do. *OOP Did Not Update This Situation In Particular However It Does Provide Important Context For Later* [**You want me to wait to check in? Fine, now you have to wait on your trailers.**](https://web.archive.org/web/20220523150359/https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/uw279f/you_want_me_to_wait_to_check_in_fine_now_you_have/) **(Originally posted on May 23rd, 2022 on** r/pettyrevenge**)** *The post has been removed by the mods so I have linked to a copy on the wayback machine* I'm a truck driver by trade. I work for a large, popular shipping company and more often than not I haul two trailers at one time. I don't actually haul long distance but I have a ton of respect for those that do, especially owner operators. I only drive about 15 miles at a time and they call me a "shuttle driver". The specific satellite location I work for calls me their shuttle queen just because I'm one of the fastest shuttle drivers they have. Due to this, I get all the "hots" and "super hots". This is the stuff that you pay extra for overnight shipping and such. I might not drive 500 miles a day, but I move 20 trailers a night on average. Recently my company changed their dispatch system for the millionth time since going paperless with the pandemic. This system is glitchy, slow, and often the dispatchers don't even see a check in. This causes us to slow down and we get pretty grumpy. The only nice thing is that we can access the GPS location on trailers we have been assigned to so long as it's not glitching. For context, the satellite location only has 20 doors or so and a very small yard that wraps around the building. The main hub has well over 100 doors and the yard is massive. Without GPS it's like looking for a needle in a hay stack. It doesn't help that people leave trailers everywhere making the yard even worse to drive around in. Most of us will park right outside the gate and check in or while waiting in line to get through the gate. This also tends to save a few minutes so we get a load right away rather than waiting for the very very slow dispatch. Keep in mind that the yard jockeys (people who move trailers around but never leave the yard) The people at the hub for whatever reason like to call me out directly. They don't even call me, they call my boss like the cowards they are to complain about me doing the exact same thing that everyone else does. They said if i don't do it the way they want it, they will not even assign me loads which means i make no money. They never say anything right away either, but wait till I've been doing something wrong for weeks first. They have been doing this crap since i got pregnant to the point where they tried to fire me rather that accommodating my very reasonable request for lighter duty work. I had to threaten a law suit. Anyway, It's very important that I turn and burn early in the night due to having back to back hot/super hot trailers that need to be moved. Keep in mind that it doesn't really affect my bottom line to wait an extra few minutes but can create a snowball affect down the line if these trailers are even so much as 5 minutes behind schedule. Rather than doing it before getting in the gate they want me to wait until I've found a spot for the trailers and then check in. Prior to doing this, the yard jockeys would see my check in and meet me right inside the gate and take my trailer right away. Saved everyone time and headache this way This is where I get petty and a little bit of malicious compliance comes in. If you've ever worked with truckers you'd know we get petty in a hurry. Now instead of letting the switchers find me right at the gate, I go all the way to the other end of the yard and drop the trailers in the most annoying spot as I can find. Especially if it's close to a Dolly that the yard jockeys are not allowed to touch. I also just let the GPS check my trailers in now which takes an extra 10 minutes sometimes. Fine by me! I'll close my eyes for 10 minutes vs running myself too hard. Normally, I'm in a big hurry to get moved away from my trailers too and now if they're waiting on my trailers they can also wait 30 seconds for me to finish my paperwork too. I'm sure I'll get a complaint here soon but hey, I'm not checking in outside the gate right? [**story update: don't want me to check in early, fine then you don't get your hot trailers.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/vj30kf/story_update_dont_want_me_to_check_in_early_fine/) **(Originally Posted June 23rd, 2022 on** r/MaliciousCompliance**)** I'll give you a tl'dr of my original story and a link in this paragraph. I'm a trucker and do exclusively short hauls (30 miles or less but lots of dropping trailers). Part of my duty is to move "hot" and "super hot" trailers around. This is the stuff you pay extra for overnight shipping. Dispatch was pissing me off about checking in outside the gate rather than in the gate. Btw, trailers all have GPS that the yard jockeys can see. Dispatch has been doing everything in their power to make my job slower so I've been dropping those hot trailers in the very back of the lot in the worst possible places. Those places are a good half mile to the unload doors and yard jockeys can go 10mph. Stuff still gets done, but it's about 10 minutes behind and it can cause a chain affect. Anyway, here's the link to the original story. https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/uw279f/you\_want\_me\_to\_wait\_to\_check\_in\_fine\_now\_you\_have/?utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_source=share I just wanted to share the latest bs and fallout since you guys seemed to like the original story so much. Dispatch really started getting cranky with me but couldn't do anything since I was indeed doing only what the asked me to. The satellite location didn't care since it was leaving their yard on time so they backed me with it. Well, recently I got hurt. I was lifting one of these dollies which weigh 2000lbs and the nose alone is 75-150lbs depending on which one you get and how well balanced it is. Something in my hand kinda snapped and I ended up with a torn tendon that I'm still struggling with. I requested that I only take single trailers for a while since I really can't lift them with one hand (I can, but shouldn't). Satellite location dispatch was fine with it and just sent me out with one trailer at a time. I was so quick that most nights i got as much moved as the guys that moved two at a time anyway. The problem was that the dispatch at the main hub threw a hissy fit and told my boss that if I can't do the job then I need to go on workers comp. Two at a time or nothing. My boss said fine, and put me on a different route where I'm exclusively hauling single trailers. The issue with this is now they have "Mr red tag" doing hot trailers. This guy is really nice and helpful but he tags everything. When this happens they have to send a mechanic to fix the trailer before it can be moved. This puts hot trailers sometimes several hours behind. When I say everything I mean everything. These trailers go 15 miles and over no scales to the main hub where the mechanics are. I personally will within reason just wait to tag stuff at the hub so it can just get unloaded. Missing sticker? Tagged. Small dent? Tagged. Handle doesn't crank perfectly? Tagged. Abs light flicked once and went off? Tagged. The best part of this? I quit my job. Well, I just moved over to a different contractor. Easier work, more money, better hours, better truck. No Brainer right? Well, now they are permanently stuck with red tag wonder for hot trailers unless my boss hires a new driver to put up with the bs. The main hub keeps asking me when I am going to get back to doing hot trailers and I wish you could've seen the look on their face when I said "I'm not because I quit". Screw you dispatch. You're someone else's problem now. \- *OP Then Also Posted On* r/antiwork *a few days later where she provide more issues she had with the company* [**You might loose your business if I quit? cool story bro**](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/vl903j/you_might_loose_your_business_if_i_quit_cool/) **(Originally Posted June 26th, 2022)** I'm so sick of this in my job. I work for a small contractor who owns maybe 15 trucks (semi trucks) and I finally put my foot down and quit for a better company. I've gotten a few texts this week about how he's trying so hard now to keep the company afloat. Like... cool. I've been here for over a year and given out my all and have not seen any changes that make me want to stay. I'll make a list. This is mostly for me so I can look back and read these the next time he tries this in like 2 days. 1."Fantastic maternity leave." I worked until I was in early labor. Didn't ask for restrictions until 7.5 mo. Until then I was still doing all the heavy lifting I probably shouldn't have been. They gave me 30% of base pay which I never ever make. Which amounted to 400 bucks a week before taxes. I normally make 1500-1700 a week. I stayed away for a whopping 3 weeks and came back because I couldn't afford not to. 2. Broken equipment that kept costing me money. I'm not moving, I don't get paid. My truck has had the same oil leak for over a year and it's still not fixed. Not even over maternity leave. The new company is offering me a truck that still under warranty. 3. Salty about being offered a promotion because the manager left for a week and didn't come back. No call no show for a week. Phone was off too. She came back and was immediately given the position back. 4. Linehaul sucks. Read some previous stories. They are on a mission to micromanage me and make my job as hard as possible. The new job says I never talk to them unless I can't find a trailer or something. 5. Night hours suck with kids. I've got two under 2. New job is offering me second shift work which is fine. 6. I haven't had a weekend ever. I took Saturdays originally to give the manager a better chance at finding babysitting. The flat out told me I'll never get Saturdays because they need it as an incentive for the new guys 7. They gave out my information to my stalker and deleted the email that I could've used in court. 8. New job is offering 6 figures with the way I work. Please tell me why I feel bad about leaving? [**Manager told everyone what company I'm going to.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/vnz9tl/manager_told_everyone_what_company_im_going_to/) **(Originally Posted July 30th, 2022)** I'm annoyed as hell. I just quit a trucking company (tomorrow is my last day thank god). For a more extensive list of reasons I left, look at my post history. The tl'dr is that they were treating me like crap, expected me back 3 weeks after I gave birth the a whole human baby, and didn't fix my truck ever. One of the worst offenses though is that one of my coworkers for whatever reason found out the name of my stalker. My company was aware of her and knew I had an upcoming court date to get my restraining order in the next week or so. This was back in November of this year. The coworker for some unknown reason reached out to this woman and gave her my information. The list includes but is not limited to: my truck number, my manager's number, the route/times I drive, my new personal vehicle, info on my pregnancy (how far along i was at the time) and where I park. This woman called my manager who I believe confirmed my place of employment and I'm not exactly sure what else was said. She also emailed my boss with claims that I was a dangerous driver and was trying to run people off the road. My stalker has got a history of trying to run people (including my family) off the road, and trying to run over a pedestrian only to be thwarted my her passenger by grabbing the steering wheel. This ultimately totaled that car. My restraining order was granted so that's at least good. I was oblivious that my stalker had contacted or been contacted by anyone in my company until January. Only thing I knew was that my coworker just quit talking to me and I had no idea why. He didn't even take the Christmas cookies I baked everyone. He quit in January and my manager "felt bad, and felt like she should tell me because she's my friend." Finally told me that my stalker was contacted/had contacted my company. If I was not so close to giving birth I would've quit on the spot. I don't think I've ever been so angry ever. Well anyway, I finally quit because I had found a new contractor within the same shipping company that had the hours, pay, and new truck I wanted. Only downside is I don't get to bring my dog with anymore. I understand that most of these people would eventually find out since I'm still in the yard, but it would've taken a while since i kinda keep to myself and I'm really never in one place for now than 10 minutes tops. My boss obviously would have to know where I was going since with cdl jobs they do have to verify driving experience. However, I told him specifically not to tell even the manager which he did anyway almost immediately. I reached out to her to ask if she would please not be telling anyone or discussing it with anyone out of respect. I've told no one aside from the new boss for obvious reasons. I was so excited to be away from it to some degree. We even get our own parking lot which is a good half mile away from the other lot. So tell me why I've had over 10 guys come and ask me why I was going to legacy unprompted. 2 mechanics and at least 8 drivers from 3 or 4 different companies. At this point I guess they all know and I have to assume it's gotten back to my stalker. I. Am. Pissed. Tell me one good reason I shouldn't go off if I see my manager in person? I'm not really asking for advice but I'll take it if you have any. I did need the rant though. Thanks if you've read so far. Tl'dr. Fuck this company [**Thanks for helping me quit. update:**](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/w7pkx9/thanks_for_helping_me_quit_update/) **(Originally Posted July 25th, 2022 on** r/antiwork**)** I made some post previously about my previous job but I'll give a couple of reasons I was considering quitting. I still had a ton of guilt because it's a small company that's new and I think it's going to end up going under especially now that I've left. The boss definitely sent me on a wild guilt trip. I've pretty much had to just block his number at this point and move on. Reasons I quit: broken truck he refused to fix for various reasons. Even when I was on my THREE WEEK MATERNITY LEAVE 🖕. I drove till i was in early labor... They complained when I came back that I was too slow too. If I had known this other company existed I wouldn't quit on the spot. Night shift + young kids. Double trailers are really hard on the body. And the biggest reason? They gave my personal information to my stalker and then didn't tell me for many months. They of course have told everyone and their brother what company I'm driving for. I know they wouldn't eventually figured it out being I'm still working in the same yard but still... I've had several drivers and the mechanics come up to me and tell me that they know I quit and where I'm going. Coooooool. I have to assume my stalker knows. I've been at the new job for 3 weeks. I already feel more valued. They are actually planning to start training me for a manager position in the next year possibly regardless of being their youngest driver. The owner gives his drivers as much responsibility as possible and does not micromanage at all. He will give tips if he observes something that could make the job easier/faster but it's just a suggestion. Things like which routes to take and such. He also calls if you forget to text him at a stop. He's clear that it's not because he cares if we are slow but because we go to dark yards alone and drive through the metro. He is making sure there's not a driver laying in the yard with no way to call for help or in a wreck. My truck has just I've 100k miles and is under warranty. It'll get sold before warranty expires. So it's newer, and gets fixed without me having to beg for months. Plus I have my weekends and nights back. Only downside is I can't bring the dog but I'm ok with that. I've marked this as concluded because the main issue has been addressed. However, for all the other issues I wish OOP the absolute best at resolving them.

OP Is A Trucker Who Works For An Awful Contractor

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fv6s4/op_is_a_trucker_who_works_for_an_awful_contractor/

15fvhbg

**Need help looking for an update?** Comment below! &#x200B; * View last month's [Looking for a Post - July 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14nzc1l/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_july_2023_edition/) thread. If you posted in previous threads and didn't get an answer, you can repost your question here. * We launched a discord. Please feel free to join. [Discord link](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) * **Do NOT harass OOPs. Do NOT comment on original posts.** You will be banned if you do so. * Always read the rules of subs you are participating in. **Do NOT harass OOPs.** * If an update found here has not be posted to BoRU yet and you feel it belongs as its own post, please feel free to submit it. * If you found an update that is not eligible for posting yet, leave it on the pinned comment in this thread. * If you found an update that is eligible but you don't want to post it yourself, leave it on the pinned comment on this thread. * Last month's Update All-Stars🌟 were: * u/Direct-Caterpillar77 * u/Choice_Evidence1983 * u/Shelly_895 * u/HeleneSedai * u/AmOutOfIdeas * u/HazyLazySummer * u/coletters &#x200B; # DO NOT HARASS OOPs. Do not comment on posts linked in this thread or on posts linked in BoRUs. Doing so will result in a permanent ban from this sub and possibly the other sub. Leave your comments here in BoRU and again, do not harass OOPs. Please see the [brigading policy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6fk6u/meta_brigading_please_read_to_avoid_being_banned/) &#x200B; &#x200B; **Tools to search for a post** View our [How to search for a post wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/search) &#x200B; **Popular Posts** A list of the [most frequently requested posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/faq_lfp) such as the PS5 saga, Peegate, and the Thanksgiving Turkey. The one about the woman whose FIL and husband thought she would die in childbirth has no update. If you're looking for the one where OOP's husband gets violently sick when OOP's sister announces her pregnancy, you can [read it here](https://www.rareddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ze6pf2/my_husband_started_acting_strangely_upon_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button). &#x200B; **Want to know the origin of a flair?** See this [list of flair origins](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins) &#x200B; **Looking for something to read?** * [r/BestofBoru](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofBoru/) \- a companion sub of curated, concluded updates * [r/bestofpositiveupdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofpositiveupdates/) * [r/OhNoConsequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/) by BoRU mod [u/mermaidpaint](https://www.reddit.com/u/mermaidpaint/) * r/BestofRedditorSagas for posts with a large number of parts * [Best Updates of 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rzxz1z/announcing_borus_1st_annual_best_of_winners/) * [Recommended Subs & Collections](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading)\* \*Collections only work on desktop new reddit &#x200B; **Don't harass OOPs. Don't comment on original posts. Thank you.**

Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - August 2023 Edition

META

czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fvhbg/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_august_2023_edition/

15fy8pd

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/practical-hoe. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/154mfjf/aita_for_refusing_to_walk_my_friends_dog/)**: July 20, 2023** I (26f) have a friend (27f) and she lives 15 mins away from me. She has a 1.5yo golden retriever (Jeffy) and he's honestly a very well behaved, lovable but veryyy energetic goofball. I visit her place atleast once every month and Jeffy loves me and loves to play w me etc. Yesterday my friend called me and asked if I could walk Jeffy at night since she had to leave for something urgent and wouldn't be able to be back in time to walk him. I said sure and asked her to keep his leash and collar by the door so I could take him out. The route they walk him on is a busy-ish street till we get to the park. She told me that they don't keep him on a leash, he's very well behaved and will walk beside them when they take him out and will stop and sit if they stop (he's trained). I agree that he's well behaved, but I told her I'd be uncomfortable taking him out without a leash, since I don't have enough experience with dogs and he can get excited at times. She said that it won't be an issue as Jeffy is very calm on walks. I again said that i understand, but as calm as he may be, he's an animal and we don't know how he might react if he got excited/scared by a human or another dog. Or if he runs away and gets lost. I just wouldn't know what to do in that case. She said that I'm overthinking this and I should just take him out without a leash as he feels restricted on a leash and can't explore. I again told her that i don't think I can walk him without a leash, especially since half of that route is a kinda busy road with lots of distractions till we get to the park. She said that if I put a leash on him, that'd be "abuse" since he's been out without a leash for a while now. Then i said that I don't think I could take the responsibility of walking him without a leash. She got annoyed and said that i have no knowledge of dogs and I should just listen to her. I refused again, and she got angry (she was in a hurry cuz she had to leave) and said that I'm being a bitch for no reason and refusing to help her when I easily could. She then told me that she can't believe I'd be more comfortable if Jeffy was being abused by wearing a leash and then cut the call. She then asked her MIL to walk the dog instead. She hasn't responded to my texts since. I don't think i was wrong, but AITA? Edit to add: there are no leash laws where I live, I'm not from the US or Europe ***Relevant Comment:*** *More info on the dog's training:* "She said he's recall trained but idk if he'd even have responded to my commands, since I visit him once a month. It's not safe for anyone at all"***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15aa0qo/update_aita_for_refusing_to_walk_my_friends_dog/)**: July 26, 2023 (6 days later)** Hi guys. So I had a small update and thought I'd share with you. So since this happened, there was no contact between us. She video called me last evening and I picked up. I said "hey" and she instead of replying turned her video camera to her dog. For the next 2-3 mins, she showed me how Jeffy can obey every command that she gives and that's he's super smart and obedient. In all fairness, he did obey 85% of the commands in one go. Then she turned her video to herself and told me that how wrong I was about her dog and that she was very mad that I didn't help her when i could. I still said the same points which I did the other day, that I am not experienced enough to walk him without a leash, the dangers to him and the public etc. I also told her that a lot of people agree with me on that. Her reply was that they don't know her dog and neither do i. If I'm not experienced enough, i should've just listened to her and done what she said. Then i got pretty mad and said that if I'm inexperienced, HOW did she expect me to do something so dangerous? Just cuz her dog obeyed her and her family, doesn't mean he'd obey me. Not only was she trying to put Jeffy in danger, but also people on the road and also maybe me. Then she again went on the whole "it's abuse" tangent. I told her that leashes are infact not abusive. Then she said maybe not for other dogs, but Jeffy has been without a leash since forever and for him it's be restrictive and abusive. Then she said that I don't really care about her dog and she didn't need a friend who wouldn't show up when she needed them. I in turn said that she's being VERY negligent and obtuse about the whole thing. Some ppl would say I care more about her dog than she does. And that she should look into the benefits of a leash. And that she wasn't being a very good dog owner nor a good citizen. And I also called her out on calling me a bitch for refusing, to which she said "then don't act like one". I called her a bad dog owner and said I prayed that her stupidity doesn't lead to drastic consequences for the poor beautiful baby or anyone else and cut the call. Safe to say, that friendship is ended. I'd miss the beautiful golden boy tho, I did love him a good bit, and I'd pray that he remains safe and sound and goofy despite his stupid owner. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Any shelters you can help out at to see some pups?* "Unfortunately, where I come from, we don't have as many shelters. But we do have SO many stray dogs. The ones in my locality are my friends tho, haha. I feed them dinner and they follow me around the locality whenever i step out. Beautiful kids" *But if there are stray dogs, doesn't that make walking Jeffy without a leash even more dangerous?* "You're not wrong about it. We have 10+ strays in my locality. And while they're very sweet, they go wild of another dog enters their territory." *This is starting to sound elaborate for a simple dog-walking incident:* "It's more than that for her ig. She went on to how "I didn't help a friend in need (her)" and how I would willing abuse her dog by putting it on a leash"

AITA for refusing to walk my friend's dog?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fy8pd/aita_for_refusing_to_walk_my_friends_dog/

15fybvg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA74814 **My (37m) gf (36f) has sexsomnia and i don't know how to handle this...** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING** >!past trauma due to child abuse, and physical abuse, mentions of murder, death and sexual abuse!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Positive/hopeful outcome!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/159olbr/my_37m_gf_36f_has_sexsomnia_and_i_dont_know_how/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) **July 25, 2023** My gf is a very deep sleeper. She also falls asleep very easily. If she's tired, she can be falling asleep litterally within seconds. She is also a very active sleeper. She talks in her sleep and sometimes goes to the bathroom and cuddles the dogs on her way back to bed without waking up. But we have had some good and funny conversations while she's sleeping. She has a high sexdrive - lucky me! We work together in the construction industry, which is where we met. Since we have very active jobs, some nights the exhaustion gets to us, and we don't have sex before we fall asleep. We always cuddle while we sleep though. If we don't have sex before we fall asleep, almost every night she will initiate sex in her sleep, which leads to me waking up ready to go. She was a little embarrassed about this activity of hers in the beginning of our relationship, but i love waking up like this, and as we became more and more comfortable as partners i truly think i convinced her i'm absolutely more than ok with this. And of course, because i know she is a deep sleeper i always make sure she's awake before we go any further. We have talked about this a few times and every time she has assured me that she loves when i wake her up by doing things that turn her on. So we are wery comfortable with where we are at. Yesterday was brutal at work. We were both absolutly drained and went to bed early. She fell asleep right away and soon after i did too. She woke me up in the middle of the night as usual. She was still sleeping, so i woke her up - or so i thought. We did our thing, it was great and everything seemed perfectly normal. She wakes up every morning about 30 minutes before me and takes the dogs out for a run. When she gets back she showers while i make us breakfast. This morning was no exception. But during breakfast she asked me if we had sex last night. I was confused, but told her yes, and she told me she couldn't remember. I told her exactly what happened and she didn't remember anything. She only asked because she had the feelgood feeling in her body. I was shocked and honestly freaked out on the inside. She had been asleep... What have i done??? She saw that i was shocked, so she told me she needed it after our brutal day yesterday and felt refreshed and relaxed... like she was trying to brush this off like it was no big deal. I feel awful!!! She came over to me on every break at work today (same workplace, different departments). She was happy and acted normal, apart from she told me she loved me every time before going back to work. We definetly say i love you on a regular basis, but not in every conversation. I do think she was trying to calm me down, but i can't shake this horrible feeling off me... A little backstory: My gf had a horrible childhood. She had a very abusive mother. She would lock my gf in her room for days without food, water or access to the bathroom. This started when she was only a toddler. She was severely beaten so many times and has multiple scars and burnmarks on her body from her own mother. Her father was absent. Her first boyfriend was shot in the head and died in front of her when they were only 13. Her second boyfriend died in a carcrash when she was 16. All she could do was hold his hand while he died. She almost died aswell, but she pulled through. She has also been sexually abused by multiple different guys, including an ex who took advantage of her sexsomnia for years. How she is still a functioning human being is beyond me. She doesn't like talking too much about old days, but she has been going to therapy for years and she has gone from being a "total wreck" (her own words) to an amazing badass woman! I'm so proud to call her mine. She is gorgeous in every way and i love her beyond words. I truly have so much respect for this amazing woman and my job is to protect her, but after so many people in her life have violated her, even though she says i haven't, now i feel like i have too... i feel horrible... Reddit, how do i handle this? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15an8p6/update_my_37m_gf_36f_has_sexsomnia_and_i_dont/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 26, 2023** See link for original post. Be sure to read the backstory in the end to fully understand my reaction. Today we came home from work and sat down to talk. I explained the situation from my point of view. Not to make her feel bad about anything, but because i needed to get off my chest how truly sorry i am. I broke down completely. And because i broke down, she broke down. Ugh, it was a mess. But we comforted each other and were able to keep the conversation going after. She understands where i'm coming from when i use the word violation, but she does not agree with me in this situation. Her clear opinion is that i did nothing wrong. I really did think she was awake, as she was looking at me, talking normally and otherwise behaving exactly as if she were awake. Is it scary to think about what could have been and what might happen in the future? Hell yeah! But she explained to me some of the basics about sexsomnia that i did not know about, and this cleared some things up for me. There is for example no way i can promise her that this will never happen again, unless i reject her every time she wakes me up, which she assured me she does not want. We have way too much fun during our mid-night sessions and we both love them. Are we sure this will happen again? No. But it probably will. And she is ok with that because she trusts my judgement and that i will never take advantage of her. She is especially convinced and feels a little extra safe after she saw my reaction to what happened this time. We talked about her traumatic past as this does and likely always will affect our future together. She asked me to come to her next therapy appointment so she, with help from her therapist, can explain a few things to me about how in some ways her brain works a little differently because of all the trauma. Great idea! I'm thinking of asking if it would be a good idea for me to see a therapist myself, because i sometimes feel like her trauma is way too complex for me to "wing it", since i don't know the right tools to be able to fully support her emotionally and expect the best possible result without help. Some of you asked about my gfs first boyfriend, why he was shot. The motive was and is still unclear. The perpetrator is still at large as they didn't have enough evidence to convict him. Someone asked about my gfs injuries from the crash. Her heart stopped as they wheeled her towards the ambulance and two more times at the hospital. They were able to resuscitate her and she was in a coma for a little over 2 weeks. She had internal damage and broke a lot of bones. The only permanent damage is in her knee, but luckily it doesn't affect her alot on a day to day basis. Anyways guys, sexsomnia is really really weird! Interesting, but weird! But i am a lot more comfortable about the whole thing moving forward now that i know more about it. You live and you learn. Thank you so much for your support! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (37m) gf (36f) has sexsomnia and i don't know how to handle this...

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fybvg/my_37m_gf_36f_has_sexsomnia_and_i_dont_know_how/

15fyd54

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/cinnsealach29 **My wife married me because of my best friend** **Originally posted to** r/Marriage **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!marriage by deception, Emotional manipulation, emoitional affair, mental illness and suicide!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Bleak!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/123m80y/my_wife_married_be_because_of_my_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **March 27, 2023** My wife married me because of my best friend Sounds fake, Sounds like drama script, Don't fucking care, I need to get it out somewhere or I'm going to go nuts. We are from the same high school. Apparently, my wife had a huge crush on my best friend since junior high. And my best friend knew about this. Back to my story. It's been 10 years since we got married, and she still loves him. That makes it 10+ years of one-sided love from her to him and 12 years of my one-sided love to her. She only got close to me and dated me so she could be in touch with my best friend. She wanted to be a part of his life no matter what, so she chose me as a scapegoat. And here I thought, she loved me. How did I find this out? She told me 3 weeks ago. Why did she tell me? Because I decided we were ready for a child and brought up the discussion over dinner. She told me she could make love with me, she could marry me, and even "act" like she loved me(and obviously did a pretty damn good job at it), but she can't bare to give birth to a child that is mine and not his. She can't give birth to a child who looks like me and not him. So she can't have my child. Then she left me. That day. She didn't even say sorry. Not that it will make it any better, but she did say she did her best. Did her best. And this is what it is. That's the end of the story. I have no more to tell. She just left and is not picking up my calls, emails, texts, or whatever way of contacting her. I haven't reached out to my best friend either. I know they are not together. Actually, maybe I'll be happy for her if she does end up with him at this point. And here I am, not even feeling anything, and I'm not sure if this is normal. This feels like a whole big play. I'm not even sure if I even put this right in text. I'm sorry. This is a mess. **OOP ADDED IN THE COMMENTS** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/123m80y/my_wife_married_be_because_of_my_best_friend/jdx81ro?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Thank you all for your concerns. Just to clear things up, 1) We did talk about kids before this. Couple times actually, but I wasn't very serious about it until now. She said she wasn't really into having kids yet, and she just wanted to enjoy ourselves when we could. I didn't know that would mean so differently to her. 2) She made it clear that she isn't seeking any relationship with my friend. She told me that she doesn't really imagine having a relationship with him, and that will be how it is for whoever knows how long. I know this sounds weird, but she told me that this whole one-sided love is a bit of a permanent 'habit' of hers that she can't get rid of. Ever. I don't know if she seeked therapy for this because I was out of my mind at the time to even ask about some of the questions I have and want her to answer. 3) Divorce I'm not sure how I will be dealing with this. I really loved this girl. This woman. To sound even more crazy, I still do. No, I don't intend to continue this marriage. This marriage was meant to break from the very start now that I think about it. I'm just really tired at the moment to even seek an attorney, psychiatrist, or therapist. I know I am also weird, but I want to talk to her first before doing things legally. There are still many things I want to ask her, talk about, hear about, and be mad about, but I just can't do any of it right away. 4) My buddy probably doesn't know that she still has feelings. Who would have known that a person could have one-sided feelings toward someone for over a decade? I don't intend on talking about it to him until some of the things are cleared up on my side. Thank you again for your care. I'm sorry I can't give the best response at the moment. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/127k2s0/update_about_wife_leaving_me_because_of_my_best/) **March 31, 2023** Hi all, hopefully you have been well. Thank you all for your kind and comforting words, I really appreciate it. I'm not sure if this is an update or not, but I'm in a better mental state today, so let me get some stuff out. Let's get this started. It's long, and even though I am in a better mental state, I may not put these words together as I wanted to be since I have so much to say. There are lots of TMIs in this post. Excuse my grammar as well. Let's start with my wife. Or what kind of a person she was first. My wife, for one, is a good person. Or was a good person. At least the person who I was with would be viewed as a good person from a social perspective. I'm not saying this to protect her. I'm giving you an idea of how people would view her in general if you knew her. She can't pass by homeless people without giving them anything out of her purse. She can't let a friend be sad and would do anything she can to comfort them. She is full of emotions, empathy, sympathy, love and etc. She volunteers every weekend for seniors and homeless people. Many more can be listed, but you get my point. She was pretty attractive, too. That's why I fell in love with her. She was a charming, smart, and kind person. A dream girl. I wouldn't have asked for anyone else. We were all friends as I have mentioned, and when she showed interest in me, I also eventually grew feelings for her pretty quick. Why would I hesitate? Like I said, she was like a dream girl to a man; at least to me. For all I know, I was her first guy. She didn't ever sleep with another guy, and that I know for sure. Her family was strict, and she lived with them until marriage, so I wouldn't say she really had a chance to get physical with someone. So, yes. I'm her first guy. I wouldn't in a million years would suspect that all those times together were a lie. Well. She did a god damn good job at keeping that dirty secret of hers. I was devoted to making this woman happy. I would have died to save this woman if I had to. I loved her to the core, every inch of her. I did everything to make her happy. That's why it hurts so much right now being betrayed. Or was it really a betrayal if she never loved me in first place? Because I sincerely thought she loved me. I mean, how would anyone pretend to ask for a kiss, hug, and affection to someone for 10+ years if they never loved them? Would you really want to cuddle up with a man who you never loved? Would you really want to share the same bed with a man who you never loved? Would you really want to hold someone's hand you never really loved? Would you really want to legally be married to a man who you never loved? Can you really look into their eyes and say you love them with someone you never loved? For real? For over a decade? Really? Can someone be this good at acting? Wouldn't there have been at least tiniest inch of me in her heart, reserved with feelings? Did she really. I mean, really. Never. Loved me? Even once? For real? Not... even once? Yes, I am probably in a denial, and I probably will be for a long time. Because apparently, you can do all those shit without actually loving them. Which I still can't believe. Now, the update with my current situation. I got up with my buddy last night and asked him what's new, drank a bit, and finally, I brought this conversation up. It wasn't easy to bring it up. I mean to put it in literal text, "My wife married me because she loved you." He was shocked, of course. It's probably just as much as I was. He didn't know what to say for a long time. It seems like she never contacted him even after she left. With that, to my surprise, other than our small dinner gatherings together that happens sometimes, she never really contacted him personally. To be honest, she didn't really join those dinner gatherings much either. I asked him, "Did my wife ever say that she had feelings for you?" To that, he mentioned "A long time ago, yes. She did say she had feelings for me. But that was like more than a decade ago, long before you two were dating, when we were all young and dumb." We talked for a long time about a lot of things. Mostly about our past, our school years, college years, life, everything. And now here I am, feeling guilt. I feel guilty to the point. It hurts my guts. He didn't have to be involved in this messy story, but my selfish ass decided it was a good idea to talk to him about it. I regret it. He said sorry, even though it was not his fault. I'm a terrible person for this. As for my wife... We are meeting up in two weeks. If you ask why in two weeks, she left an email saying she is at another country because she also felt like she needed to go off to somewhere to put things together and will return in two weeks. If you ask why I'm meeting up with her, she asked if it is okay with me. She wants to meet up for a talk. I agreed to it. I have lots of things to ask her. I haven't really had proper sleep for weeks. I'm tired. I'm sorry for the rant. I didn't mean to. Forgive me. Thank you for hearing me out again. Best wishes to you all. [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/1593b7o/update_my_wife_married_me_because_of_my_best/) **July 25, 2023** Hello to all. It's been quite a while since my last post. Things took a turn in a big way during that couple months. Some kind people sent messages asking me how I was doing, and what was happening. I couldn't answer any of it because I was too devastated to answer. So here is my update. To make things short, my wife died, and I am a widower. You may say "what the fuck" after reading this, but she die; and it was a suicide. We met shortly after the email she sent me. Believe it or not, it wasn't pretty. I thought I could keep myself together, but I ended up being hideous. Never have I cried so much in my life, and never have I been so used in my life. I honestly, sincerly, deeply felt the meaning of beatrayal. My conversation with her was basically a repeated routine of why did you do this to me, how could you do this to me, why did you marry me and why now you have choose to reveal this to me. She didn't really give a clear answers to my questions. She was mostly quiet, and she only gave answers that made me even more emotional. One thing I do remember her saying was "I'm sorry." After some more of meaningless conversations, I said I wanted a divorce. Not loving me was one thing but to deceive me for a decade is another. She agreed to it. Since we needed a year of seperation before marriage, we got seperated and that was it. I told her to sincerly fuck off, and never show herself in front of me ever again. And she died. A week after she left, I got a phone call from my mother in law alerting me that she died. She took a pill and didn't wake up again. She didn't leave any note or any messages to anyone. She just left for good and that was all. Funeral took place, but I couldn't go. My best friend went, and with that I hope she is happy with that. It's been 3 month since she died. A deep trauma has been placed inside me and I have been seeking therapy since. Hasn't got better, but with that, I am functioning as a bare minimum of human being at least. I don't think I'll ever find an aboslution from this incident. My life has been torned apart and I my entire self can't function as it used to. I'm not even sure if I have put this post in a righteous form that would make sense. If it's a mess, I'm sorry. This was the best I could do. Some may find my story disturbing or some even may find it made up. I don't really mind if you find it as a lie. I myself have hard time believing this and am still processing. I guess I will never find out what her true feelings were and what she wanted to do with me. But if one of her goal was to haunt me for the rest of my life, she did a god damn good job of that. This is the last post I will ever make and will ever post. There is no meaning in life anymore for me but I will have to go on. I really appreciate your concerns and kindness through the past 3 month. I wish you all well. Thank you. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My wife married me because of my best friend

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fyd54/my_wife_married_me_because_of_my_best_friend/

15gae0l

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Despite common belief, raccoons do not have opposable thumbs. Instead, they have five fingers that allow them to grip things better than a lot of other animals, but not in the same way humans can. Content Warning: >!Drugs, Weed, Paranoia!< Mood Spoiler: >!Positive Overall!< *This is a series of post about a man OOP worked with and his customers. OOP has since deleted his account but these posts are still up. These were all posted to* r/MaliciousCompliance . [**It's against company policy to deliver packages to an asshole.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/6pyg3m/its_against_company_policy_to_deliver_packages_to/) **(Originally Posted July 27th, 2017)** This little gem came not from me, but from an older guy I worked with over last winter break. We’ll call him Jeff for simplicity’s sake. Jeff was a delivery guy for a certain XYZ delivery company, and my job was as a holiday helper. (Basically I assisted in delivering the influx of holiday packages.) A couple days into my temporary job, we stop at a house with a pretty long, steep driveway. I do my thing and step out of the truck, arms out for the package, but Jeff tells me not to worry about taking it to the door. Instead we leave it at the foot of the driveway, near the mailbox. Not one to question it, I comply and leave it there. All the while Jeff has this huge shit-eating grin on his face as he blasts the truck’s horn and waits a couple moments. Then there’s movement from the house’s front door (hard to see, but I can make out this tubby, balding, 40-somethings guy with a sour look on his face step out.) We watch the guy, who we’ll call Gabe, begin the long, arduous descent down his driveway, shuffling along at a slow pace. Jeff stays the entire time, grinning like an idiot while Gabe picks up his package, barely acknowledges us, and begins climbing back up his driveway. Jeff calls out to him, “Thank you again for choosing XYZ deliveries, sir! We’re proud to ensure your packages arrive safely.” I can tell it bothers the fuck out of the guy, but he only flicks us off as he leaves. Jeff laughs, cranks up the truck, and we shove off. Completely bewildered, I turn to him and say, “What the fuck was that about.” Jeff only laughs again at this, in incredibly high spirits and launches into his explanation. Apparently, the guy we just delivered to has had a history of fucking over the people he hires to do work for his home. (He’d scammed a landscaping company with claims that the grass they’d replaced half of his yard with didn’t perfectly match the shade of the other half.) At the time Jeff got fucked over, he’d already been delivering to Gabe for years, and the guy had never been home (or had been home, but never answered the door.) Additionally, the guy’s garage was always closed, which is important because when it rains it’s company policy to leave a package just inside the garage door for safe keeping. So one day, it’s drizzling outside and Jeff delivers a package to Gabe’s house. For whatever reason, the garage door is open this time around, so Jeff leans in and plops the package a couple feet from the cruddy weather. Then he goes about his day as normal. About an hour later, Jeff gets a call from his supervisor who’s in a massive frenzy. “JEFF! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?! DID YOU SERIOUSLY MESS UP SOME GUY’S GARAGE! HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU EVEN DO THAT!” Jeff, taken aback, does his best to get to the bottom of things with his supervisor. Apparently, Gabe had seen Jeff deliver the package to his home, seen him lean in to place the package inside, and then claimed that he’d broken the garage door. (In reality, Jeff told me Gabe’s door had most likely broken and the “cheap fuck was looking for some poor bastard to pin it on.”) Fortunately, Jeff was able to escape any personal liabilities for lack of proof. However XYZ Deliveries itself couldn’t completely throw out the claim without engaging in a costly little court battle as they had indeed had a deliveryman on the premises and no proof of when the thing broke. They weighed the costs and decided on a $600 payout instead of the potential thousands it would cost in legal fees. Gabe, the smug asshole, got his garage repaired for free. Luckily for Jeff, however, a small loophole in the delivery company’s policy allowed him to exact revenge. The loophole was basically this: “In the case of delivering to locations where the delivery person feels he is at risk or in danger, he does not have to risk his personal well-being by setting foot on said location’s property. Instead said individual is allowed to drop the package off at the safest and most convenient location nearest to the individual’s property (i.e. the mailbox or foot of the driveway.) Learning this, Jeff takes full advantage. The next package Gabe orders happens to be an expensive piece of electronics and it was marked “Urgent.” Even better, it’s raining the day of delivery. Absolute downpours. Jeff pulls up to your friendly, neighborhood asshole’s place and does the same thing he did with me: Blasts the horn several times and waits. Then he places the package just in front of the mailbox, under a plastic tarp (another policy in the case of rain.) Apparently Gabe really needed the package, as Jeff’s horn draws him from his home and on a slow, slogging descent down his driveway. He’s fuming by the time he reaches the bottom, with Jeff smiling like a professional. “WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU BRING IT UP TO MY MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE?” Gabe inquired politely as he grabbed the soggy-bottomed package. “Company policy, sir!” Jeff replied. “Can’t set foot on a customer’s property and risk further damages!” Gabe’s mouth opened and closed like a fish as he tried to sort this out. He’s completely soaked now and shivering, so he just said, “Go to hell.” “Certainly, sir! What kind of shipment would you like for that?” At a loss for words Gabe just begins slogging back up his driveway, with Jeff giving him a couple friendly honks to send him on his way. Then he continues on with his deliveries. The entire incident took place a couple years or so before I began helping Jeff out, but to this day, he loves exacting company policy on the jackass. I felt a newfound respect for the man after that, and the rest of my time working as a delivery aid was filled with more awesome stories from Jeff, the good-humored delivery man. \- [**"She wanted me to make sure all our leaves stayed completely separated. I'm just following through."**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/6q0e10/she_wanted_me_to_make_sure_all_our_leaves_stayed/) **(Originally Posted July 27th, 2023)** So to give some context to this story and the characters you’re dealing with here, permit me to detail my first encounter with the two neighbors this thing focuses on. I worked as a part-time holiday delivery person for a little while last winter, and was tasked with bringing people’s packages to their front door. I walked up to this guy’s house (we’ll call him Kevin because that’s the default name for weirdos who fuck up alot). He was just bringing his two huskies back from a walk as I approached. Kevin, eyeballing me suspiciously: “Who the fuck are you?” Me, holding a massive package: “I’m the delivery person. Got a package for you.” (I’d dealt with plenty of weirdos before.) Kevin: “The fuck you are. Where’s Jeff?” Me, nodding down the road: “Delivering to someone else.” Kevin, laughing: “Oh that lazy fucker. Letting the young shits do his dirty work, eh?” Me: “Nope...I signed up for this.” Kevin: “Bullshit. That bastard’s blackmailing you. What’s he got on you, huh? Porn? Nudie mags?” Me: “Nope...just delivering packages and getting paid.” I set the thing down, but Kevin decided it was his civic duty to escort me back to the truck. As we went, I had to deliver another package to the house standing adjacent to Kevin’s. For whatever reason, this house was absolutely RIDDLED with “Keep Out” and “Private Property” signs. All for a front yard perhaps twenty yards long and ten wide. Nothing special. Just a couple of trees and dead grass. But you would think it housed a nuclear fucking missile silo with all the warnings. To make matters weirder, I saw the home’s resident - a willowy, old lady - peek through the curtains the entire time I walked up, delivered the thing, and returned to the street. Kevin kept me company the all the way and I could almost swear he glared daggers at this old lady. For me, relief came when Jeff, the truck driver for XYZ delivery company, finally came up to us. The first thing Kevin said was: “Caught another one of your little cocksuckers on my property. Don’t you train them?” Jeff must’ve realized I had no clue what was going on, because he just laughed good-naturedly with Kevin and told me to sort packages in the truck. I did so thankfully while he shot the shit with Kevin. When Jeff finally got back into the truck, I immediately said, “What the fuck was that about?” Jeff had the decency to look embarrassed as he scanned a couple packages. “He’s a character, right?” “No shit.” He pointed back up the street to the house with all the warning signs. “See those signs? Those are because of Kevin, too.” I wasn’t surprised, so I just waited for him to continue. Jeff delivered in spades. Apparently these two neighbors, Kevin and ummm...Jizzabelle had been living next to one another since before Jeff had started working the route. (More than 2 decades.) Their houses were situated on a corner, with their yards pressing up against one another and separated by a wood and wire fence. The two absolutely despised one another, but mostly kept to themselves if they could help it. A few years back however, when fall was in full swing, sweet lonely Jizzabelle’s paranoia began acting up. She regularly thought up of ways in which the world was trying to invade her personal life. Mostly in the form of the packages Jeff delivered that she seemed to have forgotten ordering. Anytime he rang the bell, she’d peek through her blinds and stare at him like he was an alien from a hostile world. One could only wonder what might happen if someone like Kevin caught her out in the open. So one gusty, October day, Jizzabelle decides the leaves falling from the trees in Kevin’s yard are being blown into her yard ON PURPOSE. It’s a full-on grievance orchestrated by the combined efforts of a foul-mouthed lunatic and the forces of nature. This could not stand! So Jizzabelle toddles on over to Kevin’s house and promptly chews him out for his devious schemes. She’s clutching a handful of dead leaves for good measure, and tosses them in his yard as she accuses him of spreading his organic filth all over her precious property. At the end of it, she snidely tells him she better not find a single leaf of his in her yard or else she’ll call the police. Kevin, to his credit, only nods and says he’ll make sure their respective leaf falls stay completely segregated. A week later, Jeff tells me, grinning wide, he’s delivering a package to the street corner and stumbles upon a peculiar sight. A positively MASSIVE pile of leaves is clumped up in the corner of Jizzabelle’s backyard, almost buckling in the fence from the weight. Then he sees Kevin riding at the helm of heavy-duty lawn mower with a bulldozer-like attachment on the front end. It’s filled to the brim with leaves, which he is promptly lifting above the dividing fence to Jizzabelle’s property and dumping into the pile. When Jeff asked what the hell he was doing, Kevin only beamed with pride. “The crazy old bat wants us to keep our leaves ourselves.” He gestured to the pile that had amassed in her backyard. “Well I’ve been keeping very strict tabs and all of these came from her fuckin’ yard. So I’m giving them back.” Jeff is floored by this notion (and rather impressed.) “What does she think about it?” he asked. Kevin laughed and pointed over Jeff’s head at Jizzabelle’s house, where two beady grey eyes glared at them through the blinds. “She’s flipping the fuck out. But it’s her rule, I’m just following orders.” Unable to do much else, Jeff just gave Kevin the package and told him to expect a visit from the police at some point. Kevin just smirked. “Can’t fuckin’ wait.” Jizzabelle did end up calling the police, but just as Jeff suspected there was little they could do. Kevin did get a warning for being a public nuisance, but he hadn’t been doing anything illegal and Jizzabelle did have to explain why he was doing it in the first place. And that didn’t stop her from going out and buying a fuckton of “Keep Out” and “Private Property” signs. If anything her paranoia’s just increased. And Kevin...well Kevin was all too happy to let any and all of the world’s leaves fall into his yard. He didn’t really care. He just wanted to show Jizzabelle he’d heard her loud and clear. Leaving no room for error. After hearing the story, I began to understand why Kevin had been so abrasive with me at the beginning. He didn’t really have a filter, and I didn’t mind the cursing. In fact, for Jeff, it was often a rite of passage. He loved seeing how his assistants handled meeting Kevin, how they responded to a good “Who the fuck are you?” And I guess I did alright, because I haven’t come home to any monstrous piles of leaves in my yard as of yet. \- [**“When you order weed illegally via public shipping, don’t lodge a complaint about it being a little late.”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/6q11cw/when_you_order_weed_illegally_via_public_shipping/) **(Originally Posted July 27th. 2017)** Well this is the third story in the XYZ Deliveryman Jeff saga. I seriously developed a second bout of admiration for the dude after thinking of all the intriguing stories he’d told me over our short time together. This next one has a touch of seriousness to it given law enforcement is involved, but demonstrates Jeff’s incredible ability to employ corporate policy to the fullest. As he entertained me during our short winter weeks together, he bought up a story about a peculiar delivery he’d always make once every two weeks on the dot. Each time it was a sizeable box, wrapped up in layers upon fucking layers of duct tape, and heavy as hell. Even stranger, the customer, a big, overweight dude who dressed in a tank top and jean shorts whom we’ll christen Bob, would be waiting for the thing in person. It’s like clockwork and Jeff was curious of course, but given the regulations regarding the tampering of mail, he made no inquiries. Plenty of customers got weird shit delivered to their homes. He’d seen everything from sex toys (actually another fun story for another time) to hideous art pieces to sketchy foreign products, so there was no reason to question this guy. One day he gets the guy’s shipment a day late. On this particular day, it also happens to be drizzling a bit. For Jeff everything is routine, so he simply thinks the guy doesn’t want to wait for him out in the rain. So he places the box as far under the recession of the front door as possible to keep it dry. Keep in mind this is a pretty big box, so it’s still a bit exposed to the elements. Unfortunately for Jeff, the guy isn’t terribly happy with his decision. The next day, Jeff pulls by the house with a delivery for next door, and he finds overweight, tank-top wearing Bob fuming at him. The duct tape package is slung under one arm, sagging slightly at the edges, and, as Bob got closer, it gives off a distinctly pungent odor. One Jeff recognizes immediately. Weed. This explains everything about Bob’s compulsive need to accept the packages in person. But Bob isn’t there to trade friendly words with Jeff. Instead he’s shaking angrily, with rivulets of sweat staining his tank top and glistening off his receding hairline. “This fucking package is ruined, man! The fuck is wrong with you? Look at it!” Bob holds it out to Jeff, who sees the damp patches. There’s also a strong fucking weed smell fogging up the air, but dumbfuck Bob doesn’t care. “I’m…sorry,” Jeff apologized. “I tried to leave it out of the rain and you weren’t there to receive it.” “It came a day fucking late, man!” Bob seems to think Jeff controls when the packages are sent. “Every two fucking weeks, man! Like clockwork! You gonna replace this shit?” “Replace it?” Jeff is thinking through this slowly, and begins formulating a plan. “Oh yes, well you see sir, I can’t take it back myself as it’s your property now. But if you want, you can make a formal complaint down at our local hub.” At this point, Jeff is expecting Bob to back off. What with the illegal cargo and all. But to his surprise, dumbfuck Bob just nods. “Fine. I fucking will.” He saunters away with the smugness of a customer believing they’ve beaten the establishment, and Jeff is left stunned, unable to believe what just happened. So Jeff makes several calls. One to the local hub, another to his supervisor, and another to the local police. Dumbfuck Bob is about to be fucked by customer service. Jeff explained to me that when it comes to mail, the laws of privacy and ownership can be tricky. If Bob had a braincell to spare, he would throw the package out, sever any ties with his weed source, and lay low for awhile. But Jeff knows Bob now, and Bob is a dumbfuck. So Jeff is called back to the local hub, where his supervisor and several officers are now waiting. They explain to him that they have to hear Bob verbally recognize the package as his own property, because Jeff simply smelling the weed is only enough for cause to investigate and not to fully prosecute. An hour goes by as the officers, Jeff, and his supervisor wait in the back of the hub for Dumbfuck Bob to show. Sure enough he does. Bob saunters into the store, package under one sweat-stained arm, as he approaches the counter to lodge a complaint. The person working the register plays it like a pro. She’s been briefed to act normally and listens as Bob explains loudly that his package was ruined and he wants a refund. She entertains him, pretending to fill out a complaint form and then calls the supervisor to request that Jeff come in to confirm that he did indeed deliver said package. They wait another twenty or so minutes, before Jeff comes in, pretending to be bewildered as he engages in conversation with Dumbfuck Bob. “You ruined my fucking package,” says Bob. “I did not, sir,” Jeff explains again the process of leaving the package in the safest place he can. “But if you like, we can do our best to replace the contents or match them for their worth. Would you mind telling us what was in the box?” Bob tenses visibly as though he’s holding a severed head. The rusty gears of his brain grinding into motion as he ponders the potential issues of such a disclosure. “Fuck it,” he grumbles, “And fuck you.” With that, Bob takes the package and begins marching back out the door. At this point the police have their closure and make themselves known almost impossibly fast. Before Bob can take a step, he’s slammed up against a wall, cuffed at the wrists, and his precious box is swatted to the ground to reveal bundles of tightly packed and vacuum-sealed weed trickling out the side. Jeff watches as Dumbfuck Bob curses and resists, feigning innocence. It’s a dream come true for him as he watches a shitty customer get a bit of justice for making Jeff a glorified drug mule for god knew how long. [**"I don't mind what people stick in their assholes, but when that person starts acting like an asshole, I have to follow company policy."**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/6q3ib3/i_dont_mind_what_people_stick_in_their_assholes/) **(Originally Posted July 28th, 2017)** So, continuing to regale in the delightfully lurid tales of Jeff the deliveryman, I had to make him tell me about one of the things he mentioned in the weed story: the sex toys. Namely, how in the hell had he known it was even a sex toy? Surely the companies who make these things are discreet with their packaging! Well they are...but that doesn’t stop their logos and names from being shown on the manifest or the package itself. Most adult stores have a unique/suggestive name on them: The Lion’s Den, Leather Palace, Penetrative Properties. Honestly, Jeff explained to me, it wasn’t terribly difficult to tell when a sex toy was making the loops through the delivery chain, and there was nothing wrong with them either. Absolutely nothing. He had “No issues with what people liked putting up their asshole, but when said person became an asshole, then he had to follow company policy.” In this particular case, one of the more sexually adventurous individuals he delivered to absolutely chewed Jeff out for a product that’d arrived damaged in the mail. It was an entirely understandable complaint with the customer, who we’ll call Valentine, going on a steaming, cursing rampage at the clerk working the local hub for damaging her 7” Multi-Speed Soft, Scented, Silicone Vibrator complete with Life-like Testicles. Apparently the order was a bit fragile and the gentlemen in charge of packing the thing hadn’t insulated it with enough cushioning. Jeff was in the vicinity of the woman’s wrath when she angrily barked at the poor teller working the hub’s till. Valentine’s dildo, which she waved around like an undercompensating light sabre, had snapped at the base due to improper packaging. At this point she was actually in the right, as the adult toy had indeed been damaged enroute. (Jeff had only delivered it that morning.) So Jeff and the worker at the till directed her to fill out the appropriate forms for damaged properties, which she went about doing in a fuming rage. Jeff told me he was pretty sympathetic to her in spite of her rambling due to the sheer courage it must’ve taken to lodge a complaint about something like that. Let alone wield it in public. But alas, Valentine would go on to do something that would forever banish her to the netherworld that is the utmost customer care of the XYZ delivery company. As she looked about ready to leave, she turned back to the till worker and pointed her dildo vengefully. “Make sure it’s packaged right next time or I’ll shove this thing down your throat.” Then Valentine left. The air filled with the promise that her next order would receive the best of the best from XYZ services. All Jeff had to do was wait. Wait until the next package Valentine ordered came through the hub and passed through his hands as he loaded it on his truck. He’d received both written and verbal consensus from the customer to ensure her package was cared for, so when Valentine’s next package finally came, Jeff initiated his kill-with-kindness plan. The new order was from the same company as the last. Same product too: a 7” Multispeed Soft, Scented, Silicone Vibrator complete with Life-like Testicles. How did Jeff know this? Well it was improperly packaged yet again. So it was his civic duty to ensure the product got repackaged to avoid further damages. To ensure the utmost care, Jeff wrapped the flesh-sabre tight in several bundles of newspaper, followed by some plastic sheets. He was extremely meticulous in ensuring the product retained its natural shape, with the shaft, head, and scrotum practically highlighted by his wrapping. Wouldn’t want it to move around after all. Then, as a loving touch of apology from XYZ deliveries, Jeff tied a big red bow around the head to express the company’s deepest sympathies. Later that day, he delivered the package to her home. Much to his alarm however, the package could not fit in the mailbox as it was filled with junk mail. So he simply set the newspaper dildo on top of the mailbox, illuminated by its beautiful red bow, and continued on with his day. He received no complaints after that. This is the fourth and possibly final part in the Jeff sagas. I’ve been wracking my brain for other times he enacted these incredible revenge episodes and am coming up short. I’ll be sure to deliver if I recall anymore. Jeff was fucking great to work with. \- *Marked as concluded considering these are the only stories OOP had to share and the states of OOP's account.* &#x200B;

The Tales Of Jeff The Delivery Guy

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gae0l/the_tales_of_jeff_the_delivery_guy/

15gdjo6

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Illustrious-Blood535 (account now suspended) **in** r/relationship_advice TW: >!Infidelity!< Mood Spoiler: >!Good for OOP!< *Note: This is a repost, the previous BORU about this can be found* [*here.*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vlslmr/my_33m_saw_videos_of_my_fianc%C3%A9_29f_cheating/) \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/v9mi9g/my_33m_saw_videos_of_my_fianc%C3%A9_29f_cheating/) (deleted, but preserved in the update post) - Jun. 10, 2022 **My (33m) saw videos of my fiancé (29f) cheating during her bachelorette party** i can't believe i'm involved in a story like this. i haven't actually talked to anyone about what happened even though a lot fo people are trying. i think i just need to vent a little bit before i talk to anyone. My girlfriend and i were together four years and we were engaged to be married. last weekend she had her bachelorette party i didn't have a problem with it especially after what she told me was the plan. her and some friends were going to rent an airbnb or something, a big place with like four bedrooms and they were just going to get trashed and party and hang out. the day of the party she was at my place, a two bedroom apartment one room i use as a home office. i am an a self employed investor. she makes all of the arrangements and goes to meet her friends. we texted a little but as the party warmed up we stopped and i figured they were just having fun. after midnight i start getting ready for bed and notice that the computer in my office isn't turned off, rather the black screen was just a screen saver. it turns out fiance had not logged out and her messenger was still open on the computer. there was a group chat where her and the girls had been planning everything. and a lot of videos were uploaded to the chat. i was a little curious and i started watching some of the videos. most of them were pretty innocent, just a group of 15 girls getting drunk and stoned nad dancing and whatever. then there was a video of a woman going to the front door and about ten guys enter the apartment. i don't know they were and i didn't recognize anyone. there were a couple videos of the guys and girls dancing and drinking. and then the worst happened. a video started of my fiance making out with a guy on the sofa. she stops and rolls over and starts making out with a second guy. then there was a video of her and the two guys going into a bedroom. there was also a video fo them coming out that according to the time stamps was five minutes later but that doesn't mean anything. for all i know the videos were an hour apart and they were all just uploaded at the same time. seeing all this was like a sledgehammer to the guy. i walked into the bathroom because i thought i would be sick. i wasn't.but i feel like i paced back and fourth in the apartment for about 30 minutes. then i poured myself a rocks glass full of whiskey and chugged it down. i saved the videos and then made one of my own. just a short little selfie video of me saying "hi this is (my name) your ex fiance. just wanted to say i saw the videos from the party and the wedding is off. i hope it was worth it." i'm glad i saved the videos because in less then ten minutes they were all deleted and my phone started blowing up but i didn't answer any calls or texts. at first it was just my girlfriend texting saying she can explain and its not what it looked like. then her friends joined in. but i ignored everyone and didn't respond. Then suddenly I got a request for a video chat and I’ll admit my curiosity got the better of me. I answered the call but didn’t say anything. It was my fiancé sitting in front of the camera and she looked like she had been crying and the other friends just around her. I really only know maybe four of the friends but I recognize a lot of the others. First she started apologizing but kept saying it wasn’t what it looked like it was just a party and the guys coming over was not planned or anything like that. She said it might have looked bad but nothing happened. When I didn’t say anything she just kept going on with more of the same and her friends backed her up. The more I didn’t speak the more hysterical she got. Eventually she admitted to kissing the two guys but dumped the blame on her friends who all took responsibility for that which surprised me a little. She said the kisses didn’t mean anything and that’s all that happened. Then she seemed to remember the video of her going into the bedroom and she started screaming that it was just a joke and nothing happened. All the other women confirmed it was just a joke and that my fiancé had walked into the room and then turned around and walked out again. This just keeping going on and on and they just kept repeating themselves. Eventually everyone got quiet and all I said was, is there anything else to add? She said no and I just ended the video call. I went on to social media and changed my relationship status to single and posted that the wedding was off and if anyone had bought a present they should feel free to return it. Fiancé saw the post and is freaking out even more and just keeps insisting that all she did was kiss and nothing else. I sent her a text saying if I suspect that her or any of her friends lie sbaout what happened or try to make me the bad guy then I will post all the videos online. Right now no one else knows what is happening. This was a couple days ago and everything for the wedding is canceled and my fiancé just keeps pursuing me. Any advice on what I should do from here? \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vlrc4w/update_my_33m_saw_videos_of_my_fianc%C3%A9_29f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- Jun. 27, 2022 **UPDATE My (33m) saw videos of my fiancé (29f) cheating during her bachelorette party** For some reason my original post was removed so I’ll guess I’ll just post this again. I’ll leave the original story below and then add the update. Thanks for everyone who commented and ent private messages. I wasn’t sure if writing here would help but it did. And the signs of support were really helpful so thanks again. (*Original is included here)* UPDATE The update is pretty simple. Everything has been called off and cancelled. The wedding is officially not happening, I got the ring back and all of her stuff is moved out. She is staying with her parents for now. We did talk a little bit. It was mostly just her begging and apologizing and crying. She keeps insisting that all she did was kiss the guys. And she has never done anything like this before and she promises it will never happen again. Part of me really wanted to believe her but the problem is that this incident puts our entire relationship in doubt, I think she may be telling the truth but again the point is there is no way to know. If it is true that her friends pressured her to do it then how can I believe they never did it before. We kept going around in circles because ultimately there is just no way I can be sure. She said she would do anything including cutting off her friends and only ever drink around me. She really blasted her friends online saying if it the party had stuck to the original plan she would still be getting married so maybe she already cut them off. All I can say is that at the moment I am single and I’m just going to live my life. Probably take some time to myself after getting out of a four year relationship. What’s crazy is that a couple of her friends are also texting me ‘just to talk’. I haven’t responded yet because well it’s hard to trust them to. Thanks again to everyone who expressed sympathy and I hope none of you here need to deal with anything like this in the future. Sent from my iPad \~\~\~ *I'll be honest, I'm only reposting this because I think the "sent from my iPad" is the funniest thing to ever happen here. Still, I hope OOP is doing okay!* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.** &#x200B; **Sent from my iPad**

I saw videos of my fiancé cheating during her bachelorette party

REPOST

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gdjo6/i_saw_videos_of_my_fiancé_cheating_during_her/

15gdl5o

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Amissa_Uxorem **in** r/TrueOffMyChest TW: >!Minor reference to animal injury!< Mood Spoiler: >!Happy ending!!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/157p550/my_cat_missing_for_11_years_has_been_found_its_a/) (and every update) - Jul. 23, 2023 **My cat, missing for 11 years, has been found, it’s a miracle and now they won’t give him back.** In 2012 my family and I relocated to Oklahoma with our, almost 5 year old, cat Shadow. He got out of the house and never came back. I spent 2 years looking for him holding out hope for the call he’d been found, he’s chipped, but nothing. At 3 years that I made peace thinking he had died and he was mourned and to this day we still talk about how much he is loved and how much he’s been missed. Last year we relocated to my hometown and last month we experienced a devastating tornado. My house is fine but we only get paid once a month on the first so having to replace all the $500+ groceries we had already purchased for the month as well as things we’d need to make the house comfortable for daily life, left our finances less than ideal with no room to wiggle. Then I get a call from a veterinarian office and my sweet boy has been found!! He had been living on a residential street for the last 6 years and was being fed by the neighborhood. No vets visits, no comfy bed, no shelter from the heat and cold except sporadically when they took pity on him. He had been attacked by something and required minor care and stitches which is when they found his chip with my information. I was so happy and couldn’t wait to see him again but because we only get paid once a month, I couldn’t get there until August 1st. The woman who took him to the vet was on board but last week started talking about how she didn’t know what to do with him while recovers so she and I scrambled to find funds to make the trip to get him. One bill was less than expected and my parents also agreed to take money from their emergency fund to make up the rest so I can go get him. Now I’m being told that he’s been given to another couple in the neighborhood who just love him so much and they’re going to keep him and nothing but radio silence since then. I have no idea where they live, other than the town, so now my children and I have to mourn him all over again. I’m so devastated and I’m losing him all over again. Financially we’ll recover in no less than 2 months but emotionally this is a blow that will stay with me forever. We love you Shadow and miss you with all our hearts and I’m so sorry we won’t be able to see you. Edit: thank you all so much for being a great community. I came here because I needed a place to voice my heart break and you all have been more than fantastic. I’m sorry that I haven’t responded to everyone but appreciate all of your suggestions and well wishes. I have filled out a police report and I’m going to call the veterinarian’s office in the morning to try and get the address on file. I also would like to apologize for my lack of coherent timeline and rambling, as I wrote this at the peak of my emotions. I will update again just as soon as I have anything else to report. Edit #2 Talked to the veterinary office at 9:30 this morning and they are contacting“R” to request she bring Shadow back to the office so I can come and get him from them. She is also going to let her know that she cannot rehome my cat regardless of the situation because he is by Oklahomas law, my cat. They were incredibly apologetic about the whole situation and I was advised to fill out a report because per “R” admission, he’s never been to the vet in the years he’s lived in the neighborhood, and he was brought and they were told he was a stray cat and had no home. It’s been an hour since then, so hopefully I’ll be hearing back really soon! \~\~\~ **Relevant Comments:** \-*Shadow is chipped.. get the police involved asap.* *Pets are seen as legal property.* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/157p550/comment/jt6ck0f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \-*Oh my God* 😢 *Contact the vets office that called you and tell them that you can prove you are the owner via the chip and that they are conspiring to steal your cat from you. Ask them for the address information, or you are going to include them in your report to the police.* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/157p550/comment/jt5wxje/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \-*#GIVESHADOWBACK2023* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/157p550/comment/jt6anxx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \~\~\~ **Updates** (included in the original) - Presumably over the next few days **UPDATE** After a very long day of waiting, I have just gotten off the phone with the Animal hospital that contacted me and treated Shadow for his injuries and “R” has said she will be returning Shadow to them so that I can go and pick him up tomorrow. The police report will still stand and I will not have it dismissed until I have Shadow back in my possession. As long as she does what she said she will, I will have my baby boy back tomorrow! **UPDATE** I got a call first thing this morning from the Animal Hospital and Shadow is home! He’s responding to his name, playing, coming up for pets, purring up a storm and roaming the house. He looks ruff but he’s settling in great! We’re letting him roam his domain and taking it slow on his time. He’s never allowed outside ever again. **Last update** He’s eaten, explored the house, purred and played. Now it’s bedtime, he’s had a long day. [https://imgur.com/a/IhFijNx](https://imgur.com/a/IhFijNx) [image descriptions (thanks to u/Wren1101): Photo 1: Shadow, a grey cat with yellow eyes is lounging on top of a purple blanket which covers OOP. Shadow rests his 2 front legs over OOP’s lap and gazes into their eyes. Photo 2: Shadow closes his eyes half way with contentment and reaches one paw on top of OOP’s hand as if to say, “Stop taking photos and pet me already!” Photo 3: Shadow continues resting halfway on OOP’s lap with head down and eyes closed. Photo 4: Shadow gets comfortable and falls asleep on OOP’s lap with the purple blanket, his two little paws outstretched and head tucked in. Image caption: Even after all this time, he’s still an end of the day, quiet time love bug. I’ve missed this so much.] \~\~\~ *Congrats to OOP on getting Shadow back!!! Always love a purrfect ending\~* **Edit: [OOP commented!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gdl5o/my_cat_missing_for_11_years_has_been_found_and/juijeyj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)** **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

My cat, missing for 11 years, has been found and now they won’t give him back.

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SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gdl5o/my_cat_missing_for_11_years_has_been_found_and/

15ge5sr

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/SirProfessional4024 **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Family conflict, teenage pregnancy!< mood spoilers: >!frustration, disappointment, conflict, resolution!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for not letting my daughter use her college fund for a wedding or house?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xu0d0b/aita_for_not_letting_my_daughter_use_her_college/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, Sep 02, 2022 **Backstory:** I (43f) have 4 kids. El (22f), Katie (17f), Cam (15m), Isla (5f), and I'm also currently pregnant. Me and my husband (50m) started adding to college funds every month for each of our kids pretty much as soon as we found out we were pregnant. I won't say the exact amount, but my husband has an excellent job, so it's more than most. We never told our kids because it just didn't feel necessary. El got pregnant when she was 16 and ended up dropping out of school. I was very disappointed, but I understood. However, I was under the impression she would return later, but she has no plans to. The dad stuck around, and now they have 1 more kid (3) and one on the way. They are engaged but don't plan to marry until they can afford it. They were doing okay financially for a while, but due to the market right now, they've been struggling because El can't get a job since she doesn't have a diploma, so we've been loaning them money. Katie is a senior and just got accepted into college. We've been setting everything up, and obviously, she knows about the fund now. Katie and El were talking, and she was telling El about the school, and El asked how she was planning on paying for it. Katie responded, "my college fund." I was in the room while they were talking, and this made me panic. We had just planned on splitting it between the remaining four since we knew they were going to college. El asked me if they all had one, and I wasn't going to lie, so I said yes. She got really excited and went to call her fiancé and tell him the good news. I was confused and told her she couldn't have the money; she asked why, and I said it's for school. She got upset and left my house. The next day, I get a call from El; she was crying and begging me to let her have the funds so she could finally afford a down payment and maybe even a wedding. I told her she could have the money if she went back to school, and whatever money was left over, she could use for whatever she wanted. She got super mad and started yelling at me and saying it's her money. I told her that it was MY money, and those were my conditions, and she hung up. Now we are being harassed by her fiancé's family (they aren't as fortunate as us), calling us assholes and a lot of other names. Saying it's all gonna go to waste if she doesn't use it, we're setting her up for failure, etc. Now I'm wondering if I'm the asshole because my dad said we should give her the money as we "saved it for her after all." &nbsp; ***Comments*** 1. **Aiyokusama** >NTA. Choices have consequences. And you were specific about what it was for. > >Now here is a question: would it also apply for trades school? **OOP** >>Depends on the trade. **Tudorprincess1** >>>Why would it depend on the trade? what trades/ careers wouldn’t you deem acceptable for your children? **OOP** >>>>Plumber or anything up that ally. Also nothing dangerous **boomfruit** >>>Would it have depended on their major at university? **OOP** >>>>Yes. If she decided to major in liberal arts it would be a no for me **vchiao42549** >>>>>After reading your other comments, you're revealing yourself to be an elitist asshole. It's one thing to set aside a college fund and say the money is only for education. That I can understand and you're not the asshole for that; if the money had been in a 529 instead of a regular savings account, there would have been a penalty incurred for using the funds for something other than education anyway. >>>>>However, you ARE the asshole for deeming only certain types of education as acceptable. Nowhere in your original post did you mention that your children would only be eligible to receive the funds as long as you approve of their major or trade. This is a manipulative move. Your children should be able to choose the career they want in life. You mentioned that you don't want your children to become a plumber or a liberal arts major - why? You clearly look down upon those types of careers. And that makes you a MAJOR asshole. 2. **brokeanail** >Edit: YTA for your lacksidasical approach to your children's futures, for making assumptions, for being unnecessarily rigid. >INFO: if any of your other children, for any reason, do not or cannot attend college, what happens to their funds? Is the money being handed over to each college-bound kid, or are you keeping a close eye to be certain it's only going to their education? **OOP** >>They will be going to college. And if for some reason they cannot it will probably just stay with us 3. **prairieislander** >ESH. Should she feel automatically entitled to the money? No. But that’s about the only way she’s an AH. There’s a whole flock of reasons you are. >You speak dismissively about the committed man who’s stuck by her side through teenage pregnancy, another child and has asked her to marry him. >You speak as if she’s less than because of a mistake she made in high school. You say you’re under the impression she would return later, but she didn’t know about the education fund. So do you think maybe her lack of funding would have influenced her decision to not go back when she had a baby at home? You are also under an assumption that all your remaining children will decide on further education. That’s a pretty silly assumption. >It’s your money. You can do what you want with it. But as a grandmother, you think you’d be happy that your daughter wants to give her children a home and two married parents. ***Judgment - Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; **UPDATE:** [*Update was added to original post*] My daughter came over on Thursday, and we were able to work things out. We both apologized and had a long discussion. She will be getting her GED and will be going to a trade school in exchange for me giving her whatever money is left over. She hasn't decided which one yet, but it will probably be cosmetology. Her fiancé's family has apologized. We also decided to pay for a small wedding ceremony and reception as a gift. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for not letting my daughter use her college fund for a wedding or house?

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ge5sr/aita_for_not_letting_my_daughter_use_her_college/

15gek2p

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/pinkrunner9696 **in** r/TwoXChromosomes. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!suicide, rape, mention of addiction!< mood spoilers: >! Sad, defeated, overwhelmed, positive!< --- &nbsp; [**My daughter just got admitted to a psych unit for trying to kill herself after she was raped and I can't hold it together**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/7q9eu0/my_daughter_just_got_admitted_to_a_psych_unit_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, Jan 14, 2018 I am a single father. I just got home from the hospital and I feel so defeated and like everything has crashed and burned today. Long story short, this morning I walked in on my daughter sitting on the floor of her bedroom, about to hang herself. We have a great relationship and I even have permission to enter her room if she didn't answer my knocking for a minute because she's always using noise canceling headphones. I went to ask her where our dog's harness was, and upon opening the door I just saw her sobbing violently but silently, and looking at the noose hanging in her closet. I knew exactly what it was and I ran to her and yanked it out of her hand. I told her we had to go to the ER and she began yelling at me. So I ended up calling 911 because I could not physically force her to go on my own. In the ER, at first she was angry and would not allow me to stay in her room, but she did get calmer and actually asked me to stay because she was scared. We talked to nurses, doctors, and social workers; they were able to get through to her and she admitted how suicidal she was and confided in them that she had been raped by a friend's relative a month prior. So they decided to admit her, and that's where we are now. I'm going to visit her every day with her favorite snacks and books. She will be discharged home in (predicted) 7-10 days and I'm looking into getting her a therapist or even a higher level of care if needed. I'm researching trauma and suicide so I can better understand this whole thing. But I'm still so lost and i failed her because I didn't fucking notice what was going on. What else do I do? ***Comments*** **ladolcemorte** >- You are doing the right thing and you’re doing an amazing job. > >- Don’t ask her questions about the rape; doing so can force her to replay the event over in her head more than she already is. Asking her about the assault can also cause her to question if you believe her. If she wants to discuss what happened, let her lead the conversation. > >- Ask staff at the hospital for resources. There are groups that can support you and your daughter. > >- It’s okay to break down and acknowledge that you are not okay right now. Someone hurt your baby and you have every right to feel terrible. However, do NOT blame yourself for what has happened. The only person who could have prevented the assault was the rapist himself. > >I wish you and your daughter well; you two will get through this. She has an amazing dad. **TigerMonarchy** >>"It’s okay to break down and acknowledge that you are not okay right now. Someone hurt your baby and you have every right to feel terrible. However, do NOT blame yourself for what has happened. The only person who could have prevented the assault was the rapist himself." >> >>SO MUCH THIS. You can't be everywhere, OP. But you were there when your daughter needed you, even if she didn't know it. And that's more than enough. **xoxobritxoxo** >You didn’t fail her. > >I can’t begin to understand the situation you’re in so my only advice is - keep being there for her. You’re doing a wonderful job. **OOP** >>Thank you for the encouragement. I guess I've got to let go of the guilt and look to the future. &nbsp; **UPDATE** [*Update was added to original post*] I want to thank you guys for everything. It means so much to hear so much reassurance and hope. Thank you also to everyone who shared their own story with me. My daughter is doing well. The staff is optimistic and they all really like her, and she's even smiled and laughed a few times during our visits. I heeded some advice and brought her fuzzy socks and slippers, comfy clothes, her favorite blanket, some stuffed animals she still has, her own toiletries... a lot. She's on board to start therapy asap after discharge so I got her preferences (she wants a woman, understandably) and I'm on the hunt. I'm setting up therapy for myself as well. Apart from feeling overwhelmed out of my mind, I've also been going through some addiction problems - nothing illegal or life threatening, but I'm done with that shit. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My daughter just got admitted to a psych unit for trying to kill herself after she was raped and I can't hold it together

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gek2p/my_daughter_just_got_admitted_to_a_psych_unit_for/

15gte8z

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/notalaskakidd. She posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warnings:** >!homophobia; misogyny; infidelity; incest!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Best ending for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/159z6yx/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_over_the/)**: July 26, 2023** am i (23F) the asshole for breaking up with my bf (23M) over the barbie movie. i literally dont know what to do right now and i feel so helpless turning to reddit for advice/validation. but three days ago my bf and i went to go see the barbie movie. i’ve been really excited as i’m a huge greta gerwig fan and my bf liked ryan renolds. other than him being in the movie, my bf didn’t know anything else about it. i on the other hand was aware of its feminist themes and was secretly hoping my bf would get the message. over the duration of the movie i could tell he was getting more and more uncomfortable/upset and i was getting really sad (both from the movie and his reaction) and i knew we would end up having a conversation about it afterwards. he didn’t talk to me until we got in the car. he then told me that he was really offended by the movie and said that it was the kind of thing i should have watched with my girlfriends and not him. i understood where he was coming from but i’m not going to even start explaining why i disagreed. we have been having problems with his weird comments about women, the lgbtq community, and other stuff. he would deem it “btch sht”. maybe it was a long time coming but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. i was tired of having to always deal with his attitude and disrespect and was also maybe on this girl-power high. so i told him it was over. the complicated part is this: he lives (lived) with me. he has been in between serving jobs and since he was my freaking boyfriend i let him move in with me 6 months ago. living with him is a whole other story but i couldn’t take it anymore and had him leave my apartment the next day. i stayed at my friend’s house while he packed up his stuff. he said he understood and that he “didn’t want to live with me another second anyways”. i assumed he had a place to go but apparently he didn’t. his brother called me a few hours ago saying he’s MIA. his friends are blowing up my phone saying the same thing. i feel like this is all my fault. no one has heard from him in 24 hours. i did think it was weird when i came home and all the food in the fridge was gone, all the batteries in our electronics drawer were gone, he took my phone charger, and half the blankets. i know now he did not in fact have anywhere to go (or a car. he had been using mine since his engine busted last month). the worst part is we still have his location and it’s saying he is two states away. i don’t know how he got there. i can’t believe this is all because of the freaking barbie movie. ***There is no consensus tag on AITAH, but the majority of comments were NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15avo3j/update_i_broke_up_with_my_boyfriend_over_the/)**: July 27, 2023 (Next Day)** hi everyone. i know everyone says this but i really didn’t expect this to blow up. i’m a little embarrassed but in light of everything i’ve learned over the past 24 hours i’m once again oversharing on reddit. before anything else, i wrote that post in a frenzy of panic and guilt. with a clearer head i can recognize that yes, we broke up because we were incompatible and i was at my limit- not because of a movie. some people were saying i maybe needed the barbie movie more than he did since i was clearly dating a bigot, and to that i agree. i was convinced i loved him but i think i just didn’t really understand my value/feel deserving of someone better. i’ve learned my lesson, and as a woc, will never let myself be treated like that again. my biggest regret is that the my loved ones had to endure him as well. well. i’ve been cheated on before. but i usually find out and then we break up. since i found out about my ex’s cheating, after i broke up with him i’m not exactly torn up about it. i feel like i skipped the questioning and sadness and went straight to the “over it”. but since i have everyone’s attention i’m just gonna put him on blast rn. (i can confidently say his beliefs were the worst part about him and i’m not extremely surprised that he didn’t respect me enough to be loyal.) but the way i found out was actually kind of funny. his brother has been keeping me semi updated on the missing ken situation but i haven’t really been asking any questions other than how he and his family are doing. they’re not mad at me as they are aware of the situation. his brother even thanked me for “taking care of (him) for as long as (i) did”. he texted me this morning around 9 saying we don’t need to worry anymore bc he’s at their cousins house in colorado springs. then, around 12 in the afternoon i got multiple calls from a friend of his saying that he heard from my ex. this friend sucks so much i’m not even gonna get into it. i supremely regret giving him my number. he was obviously under the influence of some sort (not to judge but literally 12pm atp) and he’s telling me stuff like “(he) is literally so much happier now that you let him go” and that “(he) just felt bad for me” and that i was “charity work”. and then he said, “now he can be with his main for real. (his name) getting some real p\*ssy now..” literally pause. i asked him to clarify and he gave me that “oh shiii” laughing guy thing they do when they say something they weren’t supposed to. then he said f me and hung up. the potentially craziest part (thats been getting to me) is that he is definitely at his cousins house. his brother confirmed. i think im going crazy bc i’ve seen his cousin on his insta feed before and she’s literally stunning. he said she’s his second cousin n idrk how related they are. if this is real i can’t even comprehend what this means. maybe it’s not real idk but i think it’s the perfect ending to this story. i’m not gonna update anymore after this because i feel like i’m already gonna regret this update. but final notes: he must have taken all the stuff from the house out of spite. i found out he took the batteries from the remotes, and my hair blow dryer too. (???) idk how he got to his cousin’s house (i didn’t ask) or what happened to my dyson air wrap but maybe his cousin/girlfriend is using it now. in the spirit of barbie she can have it ig. and yes i know i said ryan renolds when it was ryan gosling. like that one comment said facial blindness is real. that’s all

AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend over the Barbie movie??

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gte8z/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_over_the/

15gtehc

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/throwRAza93. She posted in r/relationship_advice **Trigger Warnings:** >!late term miscarriage; talk of infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but things will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1586elh/my_brother_in_laws_ex_lost_her_baby_ive_never/)**: July 24, 2023** Good morning everyone I’m 34f my husband is 37m. He has a brother Brendon (33m) who had been dating Kyra (26f) for the last three years. Five months ago Kyra and Brendon announced to close family and friends Kyra was expecting. Everyone was very excited for them. My husband has never been very close to his brother but was definitely very excited for this child which did surprise me, because he didn’t show this much excitement or eagerness to go to doctors appointments when I was pregnant with our children. Two months ago, Kyra and Brendon separated. It happened really suddenly due to infidelity on Brendon’s part. Brendon did not take the break up well at all and very much wants to get back together with Kyra, but she’s hesitant. Last week Kyra lost the baby. It was very sudden and tragic and the entire family is devastated but the news hit my husband harder than I thought it would. He’s been distant, withdrawn, and irritable all week. I don’t want to discredit his sadness or grief because I know he did lose a niece and the way it happened was very tragic. I’ve already told him I’m here if he wants to talk, asked if there’s anything I can do, etc, and I get met with irritability or anger, like this is my fault somehow, like I’ve tuned into the enemy, and I’ve never seen him like this before. What is a kind, non-judgmental way I can try to speak to him about this again? **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15be4zp/update_my_brother_in_laws_ex_lost_her_baby_ive/)**: July 27, 2023 (3 days later)** Hello everyone. To get this out of the way immediately-no, the baby was not my husbands. I spoke to a grief counselor who gave me some ideas of how to talk about it with my husband and how to approach it without That night the kids were over friends house so it was just the two of us. I made him his favorite dinner and we sat down and talked. I found out that the loss of the baby was hitting him so hard for two reasons: his brother had told him the day before the miscarriage happened they were planning on naming the baby after his mother, who passed while he was very young, as a surprise for my father in law. The second reason is because the night my brother in law cheated on Kyra, he was supposed to be hanging out with my husband because Kyra was out of town. My husband was particularly tired from work that day, and cancelled. So Brendon ended up going to a bar and meeting the woman he cheated on Kyra there. My husband thinks that if he had hung out with Brendon that day he never would’ve gone to the bar and cheated, and the breakup wouldn’t have happened, Kyra wouldn’t have gotten so stressed out and lost the baby (this is my husbands logic.) I’m very happy we were able to talk it through. He’s beginning the process to begin speaking to a professional but he did say that once we talked it out in a constructive way he began to feel better. ***Relevant Comments:*** *So the grief makes sense, but what doesn't make sense is why he was more involved/excited in SIL's pregnancy than yours:* "We did talk about that as well. He said while I was pregnant with our kids he was very stressed about working enough to pay our bills, doubting if he’d be a good father, as well as worrying about my health and well being. As we’ve seen in this situation my husband has a tendency to internalize things so he was dealing with all of that. He said with Brendon and Kyras child he felt all of the excitement without any of the overwhelming stress."

My brother in laws ex lost her baby. I’ve never seen my husband so upset. (37m 26f)

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gtehc/my_brother_in_laws_ex_lost_her_baby_ive_never/

15gtf1p

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/throwracat25. She posted in r/TwoHotTakes. **Trigger Warning:** >!domestic violence!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating but OOP makes the right decision!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/157de3y/my_21f_boyfriend_24m_told_me_that_ill_deserve_it/)**: July 23, 2023** Me and my boyfriend James fake name have been dating for around 3 years. He's usually an incredible boyfriend. The other night I dressed up to join my friends at a party hosted by our mutual friend whom we recently befriended. When James saw my outfit, which was a skirt a little above my knees and one of those backless crop tops, he told me that I can't wear that because I'm taken and I should dress like it. We got into a fight that ended with him yelling "Don't you dare come to me crying like a bitch when you get raped. You'll deserve it!" And he slammed the door when I walked out. The party was great and a few guys did approach me but I rejected them with no problems and overall had lots of fun and an amazing time. A lot of people complimented my outfit and said that I looked sexy. Which made me a little sad inside at the end because I wanted to hear that from James my boyfriend. But maybe he was just temporarily jealous? Maybe all it was was just a phase and once he understands that I will continue to dress however I want to..... he'll accept it? **Edit 1: (All edits are the same day)** For those saying that I crave male attention, first of all I wore that outfit because I wanted to feel sexy and good for myself. Secondly, most or actually majority of the people who complimented me were women and gay men. Just because I choose to wear revealing outfits doesn't mean I'm doing it for male attention. Not everything that we women do revolves around men. Also, I'd like to add, James has shown similar bouts of jealousy over the years, but they've all been temporary in the sense that they would fade away. He has never called me a bitch before though and never said anything even close as cruel as what he said that night. I am contemplating on breaking up with him, but it's really hard for me because 3 years is a lot. **Edit 2:** I feel like I need to add another edit. I've dressed up in sexy outfits for years, including when my boyfriend met me. It was one of the things that attracted him to me. What I find funny, based on the comments saying that I shouldn't dress like a slut and I should respect my boyfriend, if a woman told her boyfriend or husband that he should stop wearing his hair a certain way or stop wearing attractive clothing that will make him look hot to other women, she would be controlling, no? Shouldn't a good partner trust their partner to be faithful? My boyfriend has been wearing whatever he wants, which includes working out half naked at the gym and also wearing "revealing" clothes for a man while revealing comments from other women and have I ever once told him "You know what. You must stop being half naked and put on a wool sweater because I find it disrespectful"? NO. **Edit 3:** Okay, another thing I need to clarify. The mutual friend was mutual to me and my friend group, not to me and my boyfriend. I should have made that clear. **Edit 4:** Okay, hopefully this will be my last edit. A man has every right to want a partner who dresses "classy". However, he can choose a partner who ALREADY dresses in classy clothing all the time such as Ralph Lauren and Banana Republic, but I'm pretty sure that even that type of woman will still wear a sexy backless Versace dress from time to time. What a man shouldn't do is get a woman and force her to change the way she dresses. What do they say? "A man will pursue a beautiful woman and put her in a cage". And while I'm writing this, I'm coming to the realization that maybe I shouldn't spend more time with a man who can't accept me for who I am and the way I dress even if I already spent 3 years of my life with him. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You need to get out, because this behavior will only escalate/manifest in different ways:* "He has shown similar jealousy behavior over the years, like when I'm spending too much time with my friends or that I have male friends and he has also made remarks about the way I dress about a year ago but they would fade away. This was the first time he ever said those words so that's why I said that maybe it was temporary jealousy." *What do you mean by "fade away?"* "By that I mean he would just stop commenting, we stopped fighting, and he would become really nice and extra attentive to my needs." *Why didn't you bring your boyfriend along?* "Because it was a friends' night exclusively for friends?? I can't believe that I have to explain this, like, he has his guys nights at certain parties that he goes to alone and I have mine that I go to alone and we have parties to which we both go." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15b6vvc/update_my_21f_boyfriend_james_24m_told_me_ill/)**: July 27, 2023 (4 days later)** Hi guys.... I posted about 3 days ago about this. It's on my profile if anyone wants to check it out. We went out to a public place in broad daylight and I had 2 of my friends come with me and stay at a distance in case of anything. I told James that I wanted to break up with him because I was not going to be told what I can and what I can't wear and he didn't really take it well. He replied that all he asked was for me to respect him as a man. I told him "I have no problem with you working out half naked at the gyms and dressing up when YOU go to parties and events without me with YOUR friends." And he said "Well, that's different. I'm a man and you're a woman. That's how it works". I just said firmly that I didn't want to see him anymore and he became enraged and started yelling obscenities at me. Called me a "btch", a "whre", etc., Even banged the table and said that he hopes I'll know what it feels like to be actually forced to do what a man wants and that he hopes it will hurt. My friends came up to us when he started yelling and one of them (Nick) was a long time male friend and he was the one who suggested to be there when I broke up with James. He's 6'4 and 258 pounds of muscle so I felt pretty confident in my safety. He told James that he better get away from me while he can still walk and I think James was still able to realize that there was no way he could fight my friend so he just shot me a death look and left. This was a day ago and I still haven't heard from him but Nick still wants me to file for a restraining order and I don't really see the point because if he really would want to hurt me, would a piece of paper really stop him? Maybe I watched too much of 'Enough' with Jennifer Lopez, but having a restraining order won't really make me feel any more safe. Nick offered to have me stay at his place so he could be my "bodyguard", lol, and that's where I'm staying for now. And also, let me add, my feelings for Nick have always been strictly platonic and vice versa. He's like the big brother that I never had. And James and I would sometimes go to parties and events together, and sometimes I would go alone with MY friends and James would go alone with HIS friends. **Edit:** For those saying that Nick is just trying to "fck" or he'll make a move, not all men look at any woman as sexual things and are only friends with a woman with the hopes to be more than friends. Nick and I are completely platonic and we're more like brother and sister. It might be just a movie, but our friendship is very much like what the Black Widow and Hawkeye had. So please stop commenting "he's just trying to fck". Some men can care about a woman without being sexually or romantically attracted to her or expecting to "hit". **Another edit:** I might actually file for a restraining order tomorrow but I've seen some people comment that it might make things only worse because it can make James mad or that they won't approve the RO because there's not enough evidence and motive. But maybe giving it a try won't hurt?

My 21f boyfriend 24m told me that I'll "deserve it" if I go out in a revealing outfit.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gtf1p/my_21f_boyfriend_24m_told_me_that_ill_deserve_it/

15gthwi

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Dapper_Lemon_7495 **My fiancee got a face tattoo without talking to anyone** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Drug abuse, mental breakdown, gaslighting!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ymcaa1/my_fiancee_got_a_face_tattoo_without_talking_to/) **Nov 4, 2022** I... am honestly stunned right now. My fiancee "Kim" I have just learned is completely insane. She took some days off work this week "Sick" and avoided seeing most people in person. She claimed she was feeling sick and just wanted to stay home alone. She has never given me any indication that she would lie about this in the 6 years we've been together. No one in her family had any worries because she was a stable individual who would never do anything crazy. She got a face tattoo. She took 3 sick days from work to recover from the fact that she got a face tattoo. She told no one of this plan beforehand. I have never in our time together been talked to about tattoos by Kim. She showed no indication that she was even interested in getting any. I was not even the first to learn. Her sister visited her because she got worried after Kim canceled meeting with her for lunch on her 3rd day "Sick" and got the grand reveal. She didn't tell anyone beforehand because she "Didn't want to be talked out of it" and hit the results because the swelling and redness were so bad that we would "react badly and not be able to understand the artistic meaning." Kim is Asian American. She got Japanese symbols going down her forehead and under her eye. I don't know the meaning of them. I don't really know if I care to know the meaning of them. Kim's parents are Japanese immigrants. According to her sister, who was nice enough to inform me of this whole debacle, this is a big no-no in Japanese culture. Tattoos have links to crime and are looked down upon. Her parents are beside themselves and that is a whole other set of drama I can't even begin to approach. Kim talked to me last night about it, and acted offended and started a fight because I told her it was absolutely insane of her to do this. She works a public-facing job. She talks face-to-face with clients in the financial industry. The minute her boss finds out, the career that she went to school for will be over. She actually didn't consider her job, or family, or me at all and decided "a long time ago" she was going to express herself freely without any concerns. I'm worried about her right now. This is not normal. She blocked my number after our fight and is ghosting me and her sister because we're trying to help. But, dear lord, this is far beyond me. I cannot comprehend what I'm even supposed to do right now. Kim's lost her mind. Is there any chance I will be happy married to.... this? A woman who went and got a face tattoo, and hid that fact because she knew we would all talk her out of it> Dear lord I really need to run don't I? ----- Wow, uh, this got some attention huh? I read through the replies, but I can't really respond to all of you so I'll just update here. The engagement is pretty much off. Kim has told me she never wants to see me again and I woke up this morning with her ring and a box of stuff I gave her on my porch. I don't know what's going on with her. Her sister and family have been trying their best, but nothing on their end is working. I brought up to her sister the idea this is a mental breakdown and they are looking into getting her help. It's painfully slow, considering Kim is not responding to anything and is refusing to talk to anyone. I really don't know what to say here, I guess? To answer some questions, Kim is 29, and I'm 28. In the 7 years, I've known her, she has never acted like this at all. She had a good relationship with her parents and while they were a bit overbearing at times, they supported her in going to college and getting a career rather than starting a family. From what I've gathered, they probably would have been fine with any tattoo she got as long as it was not on her face, neck, or hands. Even then, this kind of behavior is as far from Kim as I could have imagined. She just, lost her mind out of nowhere? It's not like I can do anything about it either. She's blocked my number and does not want to see me. I'm just at a loss for words. One day I'm engaged, and the net I'm not and my Ex has a face tattoo... [Update - 8 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15bfum7/update_my_fiancee_got_a_face_tattoo_without/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 27, 2023** About 9 months ago, my ex-fiancee "Kim" got a face tattoo without telling anyone. This was just the start of her doing everything she could to ruin her life. She broke up with me and called off our 7-year relationship when I questioned why she did this. She worked in a client-facing job for an incredibly large financial institution and was let go within a month of showing back up for work after getting the tattoo. I kept in contact with Kim's sister hoping for some news. They tried to get her help, as they thought she was having some kind of psychotic break. However, she eventually called the police on her own family claiming they were harassing her. After that, I decided to just walk away. Kim didn't just destroy her own life. When she broke up with me, I felt numb. I knew this wasn't Kim doing this. I wanted to believe deep down that Kim was always like this. Always this impulsive crazy who would ruin her life by getting a face tattoo. I tried to convince myself that I had not lost a wonderful woman who I had spent 7 years of my life with. However, the person who made these choices was not Kim. The woman who told me over the phone she hated my guts for not supporting her. The woman who wrote she hated me and only ever stayed with me out of pity. That was not the woman I asked to marry. That was not Kim. That was someone, who I came to find out, was having a mental breakdown. That resulted in months of bad decisions that will affect the rest of her life. The day I walked away and told her sister I could not deal with it anymore was the worst day of my life. It hit me like a train. The numbness and denial of what I lost hit me all at once. I almost quit my own job and moved back home to my parents. I can only thank my boss for being so understanding that she let me take 4 weeks off to deal with what happened. She and the rest of my team went far beyond what should ever be expected of co-workers and management that it makes me realize how close I was to leaving a job I actually enjoy. I never moved on from Kim, but I came to accept what had happened. I thought I was ok, until 2 weeks ago. I got a call from Kim. She had blocked my number, and done everything she could to remove me from her life. My mind just blanked when I saw it was her calling. I picked up, and it was actually her. We didn't talk, I did not know what to say to her. We decided she would come over to my place, and we talked. The tattoo is still there, but she's covering it up now with makeup. She says when she has the funds she's going to look into getting it removes if possible. She had lost a lot of weight since I last saw her. She's not been able to find a new job, she'll probably need to move to a new city for that. She wasn't the Kim I had fallen in love with. She was like a shell of her, something just wasn't there anymore that used to be. Kim told me what had happened. The year leading up to the tattoo was awful for her. The stress of everything seemed to pile up more and more. I'll respect her, and keep much of what she told me secret. However, the thing that is important is that she secretly started doing methamphetamines to keep her performance up at work and to deal with everything. And one day, she just out of nowhere decided she hated everything about her life. She explained why at the time she wanted the tattoo. It doesn't really make much sense, but a lot of what she was thinking at the time didn't. And from there, she just lost control of everything. I won't talk about what happened after she disappeared, but it is not pretty. There are things she did that will follow her for the rest of her life. It explained a lot, but it did not make things any better. We talked for nearly the entire night. She didn't leave my place till almost 4 am. Since then, she's said that she wants to try and get back together with me. She admitted she knows things cannot be the same. Yet, she wants to try. I haven't talked to anyone about what I'm about to say yet. I've held off on talking to Kim about it because it feels selfish. But, there's something about the way Kim acts about the way it affected my life that irks me. When we talked that night, she said that I was lucky she cut me off. I was lucky I didn't get put through any of this. I was lucky that my "crazy ex" wasn't at my door screaming or showing up to my work and causing a scene. She acts like my life wasn't affected at all. I told her what happened after she left. How much it hurt, how I almost quit my job and moves across the country. her response was. dismissive. Like because I didn't go through with that I don't get to complain. She acted like because I was not the one with the tattoo on her face, I don't get to act like it had long-lasting effects on me. She didn't even apologize for the explicit and hateful note she left with my things when she returned them. Or for the phone call where she called me a manipulative selfish asshole who only wanted her for her body. Or even just for breaking up with me. She knows she was wrong to do it, but it's almost as if she's acting like because she had a breakdown, I can't hold her accountable for what she did to me because it "wasn't long-lasting." I texted her last night, saying how hard it was for me when she left. She ignored it entirely and tried to move on. No acknowledgment at all. I don't know why, but it hurt me. It hurt me so much. I feel like I did back when all those emotions finally hit me after she left. I wish she had just never come back into my life now. I wish I didn't know what happened. I wish I hadn't picked up the call. Because it hurts. But, a part of me feels like I'm being selfish or complaining too much. That I don't get to feel this way, because I'm not the one who had the mental breakdown. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My fiancee got a face tattoo without talking to anyone

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gthwi/my_fiancee_got_a_face_tattoo_without_talking_to/

15gtj0a

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Nikaelena **Daughter's BF's parents threatening to sue us for letting him live with us.** **Originally posted to** r/legaladvice **Originally posted to the BoRU discord, thanks to Anarchy for showing us the posts** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!financial abuse, manipulation and threats!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/149qwbp/daughters_bfs_parents_threatening_to_sue_us_for/) **June 15, 2023** Our daughter (20f) has been dating her BF (19) for about 8 months. Due to problems at home and extremely controlling parents we invited him to stay with us when he had a fight with them. We attempted to mediate for the sake of both of them. Now his parents are accusing us of "tortious interference" in a verbal contract they say they have with their son to follow a specific career path. The son says the only thing he agreed to was paying them back the money they borrowed for school. (The loan is in his name.) We are giving him a place to stay with no expectations. (We don't profit off of it. In any way. We live in Ohio.) They laughably claimed they were "serving" us a cease and desist order in a Dunkin Donuts when we were trying to mediate. This consisted of them handing us a printed piece of paper that looks like it came off Google somewhere. No attorney names, etc. Apparently the mom has tried this tactic with other people and it has been successfull. In getting them to back off. I Does any of this sound like it could have merit? Any additional steps to take? We are currently waiting to see if they actually serve us with real papers before contacting an attorney. We are taking the following steps: -Filed change of address. (His drivers license is en route via usps. His family keeps him from having access to his vital records (birth certificate, social security card, health insurance card). -opened his own bank account they are not aware of. (His mom has previously taken loans out in his name without his knowledge, and has also been convicted (?) Of tax fraud. Items if note: -Dad is a heavy drinker and makes bad decisions when drunk. He has a DUI still in process. His son is concerned he could become violent, though we havent seen him do anything. -both parents are out of work on disability of some sort. TLDR: Parents of daughters adult boyfriend threatening to sue us because we are letting him live with us. UPDATE: Thank you all for the reassurance and the recommendations. We have ordered his birth certificate, locked down his credit, and are working on getting things replaced. Change of address was filed, and we are hoping it goes into effect before his drivers license arrives. His new cell phone is en route, and we will be returning his old one. Thank you again for all your help! **TOP COMMENT** **JMaAtAPMT** >"Tortious interference is a common law tort allowing a claim for damages against a defendant who wrongfully interferes with the plaintiff's contractual or business relationships. See also intentional interference with contractual relations." >Being an adult child of someone isn't a business contract. >Kid is an adult now, and can make his own choices. Thank you for providing him with a positive role model and safety net. >Worst case scenario: Father could get drunk and come over wanting to fight, he could cause lots of property damage. >I suggest you all cut off contact until they (kids's parents) decide to get their heads of their asses. I wouldn't hold my breath over the chances, though. >A restraining or no contact order is something the kid should consider. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/15bdfge/update_daughters_bf_parents_threatening_to_sue_us/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 27, 2023** Just an update for everyone on this one. Our daughter's boyfriend has now been living with us for a month. He has locked his credit, has obtained his SS Card, Driver's License, and Birth Certificate. He started a job three weeks ago working full-time making $20/hr. To me, it's not the greatest job in the world, very heavy physical labor, but he seems to enjoy it, and that's what's important. He got his first paycheck, and was just SO excited to be able to purchase things around the house. We took him to move the rest of his stuff out. His parents knew we were coming and had strategically moved all their cars so that we couldn't park in their driveway. (Normally they park side by side. They had parked three cars in a row with about six feet between each, so that no one could park on their property.) We made a point of parking in front of a neighbors house so they couldn't complain about it, and I could almost see his father stomping his foot like a two year old who didn't get a treat. Since then, things have been quiet. No suit for "tortious interference" as the mom had repeated like ten times. They have no leg to stand on, of course, but as someone pointed out, he is now working full time when neither of them are. Thanks again for your help! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Daughter's BF's parents threatening to sue us for letting him live with us.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15gtj0a/daughters_bfs_parents_threatening_to_sue_us_for/

15h92tu

**I am not the original poster. Original post in** r/relationship_advice **by a deleted account.** *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Spoiled sibling,Sexual assault, sexual harassment, Emotional Manipulation, creepy behaviour!< mood spoilers: >!Angry, Regretful, Overwhelmed, Proud, Happy!< --- &nbsp; [**My (20F) sister's (28F) behaviour towards my boyfriend (21M) is horrendous.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g9j503/my_20f_sisters_28f_behaviour_towards_my_boyfriend/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) - Tue, April 28, 2020 This is going to be long. I'm warning you. I'm angry. I'm frustrated, and I'm shaking. I need to write it down and hear some advice. My sis is just so creepy towards my bf. I can't take it anymore. She was really spoiled by my parents when she was young because she was their first child. She always WANTS everything, and when we were little, she always used to steal my toys/books/clothes, etc. I was never allowed to touch any of her things, but she constantly stole my stuff and was always rude to me. My mom, for some reason, has always preferred her over me, and thus, most of the time, I was told to let it go. Due to this, I have lots of resentment towards her, and I don't really like her. I'm honestly sick of her behaviour, and I just want some peace and quiet in my house. My mom called me two weeks ago, pleading to let my sis stay with me because she doesn't have a job right now and she can't stay alone during quarantine. Both my parents are high risk. My mom has heart problems, and my dad is asthmatic. So I thought I should let her stay with me and my bf instead of letting her go to my parents in case she infects them. There've been a few cases where she is, so I didn't want to risk it. Now I'm honestly starting to regret it. Her behaviour is creepy and strange and downright disgusting. First of all, she doesn't respect me at all. She's constantly ignoring me while having long talks with my boyfriend. She doesn't leave my boyfriend alone! She flirts with him and constantly tries to touch him by using cheap tricks. When we watch movies, she pushes me away and tries to snuggle with my boyfriend. She slaps his butt when he walks by and loudly tells him how he has a "perky little butt." She also runs her fingers through his hair every day saying "Whoaaa your hair is so soft" or some shit like that. WHAT THE FUCK. These are all just excuses to touch him. She just needs a chance. Another thing she does is ask him if he has abs so she can touch his torso. Or say "did you see this thing I lost, maybe it's in your pocket let me see" and proceed to pat his thighs. One time she wanted help with hooking her bra, and she just fucking walks out in her underwear. She came to our room, and my boyfriend was in the bathroom. The logical thing to do is just fucking ask ME I'm her sister! But what does she do? She just waits for my boyfriend and asks him instead even though I'm sitting right there! I think I looked VERY upset because my boyfriend just told her no, and she went back to her room. She didn't try that again. This is not even all. My boyfriend and I can't even talk to each other without her interrupting us. She barges into our room with no warning. A few days ago, we were trying to have sex, and I don't know how the fuck she realized it and starting banging on the door claiming to have a headache. I opened the door and asked her what was wrong. I told her I had pills for it, but she just said she doesn't trust me and she wanted to talk to my boyfriend instead. After disturbing us, she was suddenly completely fine, and her headache disappeared miraculously. She just came into our bedroom and started talking to my boyfriend. We were literally half-naked, and there was no way she didn't know! This is driving me crazy. What does she want? Why is she like this? It's not like I didn't talk to her. I was so angry she interrupted us because she has been doing this since she came here. I was feeling horny and angry. I just told her to get out and that we needed some alone time. I don't want to go into details, but we had a small argument, and she started crying. The thing is she never accepts it! She's completely blind to what she's doing. She denies doing it and sheds tears which end up making me feel bad instead. My boyfriend is so uncomfortable by all of this. He just looks exhausted all the time. He's trying his best to be nice, but she's all over him all the time. He's usually very introverted/shy/quiet. He's not very confrontational, and I know this is bothering him. When I talked to him about it, he just commented that it was a bad idea to invite her to stay here. He also said not to invite her ever again. I want to know why she is like this. How can I make her see what she's doing? I'm done dealing with her. I don't want to see her ever again, but she's my parents' favourite child, and no matter how hard I try, I can never escape her. Whenever I try to cut contacts with her, my mom calls me and begs me to forgive her. My mom doesn't want to see her daughters fighting with each other, and she always says how she wants us to be together forever. But I can't do this. How am I supposed to deal with this? Can someone please tell me. My mom is always taking my sister's side in everything, and it's always me who has to be "understanding" and "smart" and "older" when I'M THE YOUNGER ONE HERE! Please tell me I'm not overreacting. How do I make my mom and sister realize that I'm sick of dealing with this? **TL;DR:** my sis tries to flirt with bf and keeps touching him all over the place. she doesn't accept that what she's doing is wrong, and I'm sick of her behaviour. how do I deal with this? --- &nbsp; [**[UPDATE] My (20F) sister's (28F) behaviour towards my boyfriend (21M) is horrendous**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gbzt6z/update_my_20f_sisters_28f_behaviour_towards_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, May 02, 2020 (I'm on mobile. I apologize for any mistakes.) Hi. First of all, I'd like to thank each and every one of you for your help. I'm really grateful for the support I've received here, and all those little messages some of you sent me really made me understand the situation I was in. The many MANY comments I read here gave me the strength I needed to talk to my sister. Thank you, guys. I should probably tell you that this might not be the perfect badass ending you all were expecting, and I apologize for that. I've always had a hard time standing up against my sister. Like I said in my original post, my boyfriend doesn't like confrontations either, and he's also a huge people pleaser which makes this situation harder for both of us. Nevertheless, I finally decided to talk to my sister yesterday. She was actually sitting in my living room in her underwear and bra, and I completely lost my shit. I told her multiple times to wear some clothes, but she said it was too hot which it was not. She then made a small comment about me being insecure about my bf liking her or something like that, and that made me angry. I sat her down, and we talked. I told her she was making me uncomfortable. She was making my boyfriend uncomfortable, and we wanted her to leave. She looked very shocked by it because I don't think I have ever talked to her like that. She immediately apologized though. She said she didn't know or some bullshit which I wasn't going to fall for this time. I gave her an ultimatum. She needed to pack her shit and get out in three hours. She looked very emotional, and she apologized a lot, said "sorry" a lot, and told me she loved me. She said she would never intentionally try to hurt me. If I "misunderstood" her actions, it wasn't her fault. She kept saying she didn't know. She said she was just trying to be "friendly" to my boyfriend which is not true at all. I asked her if sexually harassing someone was "friendly" to her, and she started crying. By this time, my bf who was in our bedroom (avoiding my sister and her skimpy clothing) came to support me. She kind of directed her questions towards him. She asked him if she was making him uncomfortable (He said yes), and she cried and apologized. She then tried to gain his sympathy by saying that I was kicking her out when she had no place to go. She also lied that I was always mean to her. She completely ignored me and asked him if she could stay. She had nowhere else to go. Of course, he said no. What the fuck did she think. I will forever remember the look on her face. So yeah, she actually refused to leave, cried a lot, and said she was jobless and she didn't have money, no place to stay, no friends, etc. I told her she had no friends because she was a bitch (the first time I said something like this to my sister) She then tried to guilt trip me to let her stay by repeating the words "I'm your sister" "family" "I love you" etc. Me and my boyfriend helped her pack all her stuff and put it next to her car. I told her that she can stay in her car, I didn't care. I wanted her to go. It wasn't really "epic" like some of you wanted. I was actually crying a little while I was shouting at her because I was shaking so much. At one point my bf had to tell me to calm down. It was just so overwhelming. I'm just glad she's gone. She did leave eventually. She was calling someone, and I'm pretty sure she went back to her own flat. Thank god she's not going to my parents because I don't think she knows how to quarantine. I know she won't quarantine, and this was the main reason I was hesitant to kick her out. 2-3 hours after she left, my mom called me and yelled at me for kicking her out. I shouldn't have been shocked when she accused my bf of bothering my sister. My mom also asked me what kind of man I was dating, I should leave him etc. I should've expected that, really. I tried to reason with her, but my mom was just angry at me. She asked me things like "how can you do this to your own sister" and similar bullshit she should be asking my sister. At that point, I was so fucking angry. I was in tears and shaking. I just told her to fuck off in anger and hung up. It was just a weird day. I'm proud of myself for finally standing up to my sister, but I also don't really feel like getting up from my bed. My bf is back to his cheerful self, and I'm happy about that, but I just feel like such an idiot. I should've realized my mom would never take my side a long time ago. I just don't understand what I did to make my mom so angry at me. Why doesn't she love me? I have done everything she asked me to do, but she never takes my side in things. I just want her to fucking love me and support me for once. It just never happens, and I feel like I'm a fucking idiot for even trying. I think she regrets I was even born. Anyway fuck that. I'm done trying to reason with them. My mom will never believe me. Pretty sure my sister lied to her, so mom keeps calling and trying to speak to my bf. I'm currently thinking of cutting off all of my family. All they do is make me feel like shit. I deserve better than that. My boyfriend deserves better than that I apologize for venting. What's done is done. I don't regret it. I'm glad I have my boyfriend, and he loves me unlike my family, and we finally have some alone time. He's been so moody, but right now he's actually cooking and stuff, and he hasn't done that ever since sister came here, so yeah. I'm glad she's gone. My boyfriend is glad she's gone. I finally have some peace and quiet in my home. Thank you so much to everyone. I don't think I can thank you all enough. Some of you talked to me, sent me messages, and it really opened my eyes. I'll take care of myself and my boyfriend now. Thank you :) Edit: Thank you everyone. I've been reading your comments. I'm still shocked by the support I've received here. Please know that I appreciate it so much, even though I may not be able to reply. Thank you. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My (20F) sister's (28F) behaviour towards my boyfriend (21M) is horrendous.

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15h92tu/my_20f_sisters_28f_behaviour_towards_my_boyfriend/

15h9cz1

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/ThrowRA-89891 **in** r/relationship_advice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!racism, offensive language, fatphobia, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse!< mood spoilers: >!concern, doubt, confusion, grief, relief, gratitude!< --- &nbsp; [**My fiancé told me he is “tired of hiding” who he is from me and now I’m not sure I want to get married**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ijrrc6/my_fiancé_told_me_he_is_tired_of_hiding_who_he_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Mon, Aug 31, 2020 My fiancé (26M) and I (25F) have been dating for three years. We‘ve known each other for 8 years and just got engaged a year ago. We are also long distance since he is military so only see each other for maybe 4-5 days a month with the exception of summers when I move wherever he is to stay with him for a month or two. So throughout the last 3 years of the relationship, it became very evident that my fiancé (let’s call him Dave) held some pretty serious prejudices. Examples: - He passionately dislikes fat people and would consistently insult strangers and make disparaging jokes about fat people. - He prided himself on being an “imperialist” - Proudly called himself a “sexist” and didn’t talk to women unless it was for relationship purposes - Said my brother might be treated differently by police because he looks “threatening” (my brother and I are black, Dave is white) Anyway, I addressed all of these things whenever they came up and we had multiple conversations in which he decided it was wrong to hold these beliefs. However, after addressing them, he would get extremely upset if I called him out on saying anything slightly prejudicial throughout the relationship because he would say he doesn’t hold those beliefs anymore. Last month, we got into a pretty big argument about why systemic racism is bad- he said it makes the U.S. looks bad and it weakens our foreign influence so therefore it is bad, whereas I am of mind that it is bad because black people (including myself) are human beings and deserve to be treated with an equal amount of dignity, respect, and general decentness. This argument escalated and he started going on a rant of how tired he is of “stepping over egg shells around me” and how he “can never find the right words to make me happy” and that he is “tired of hiding who [he] is around me.” This was very shocking and I tried to probe more on what he was hiding and basically he revealed that all of the prejudices I thought he had gotten over, he still had, and was just trying to suppress them around me. He mentioned one of the things he’s tired of “hiding” is that he still strongly dislikes fat people and doesn’t see a problem with that. But I’ve suspected this has been the cause of a lot of his behavior such as: 1. asking me how much I’ve eaten every day and what time I ate (“don’t eat after 8pm!”) 2. telling me to drink water all the time 3. insulting my friends for gaining weight 4. telling his own mother not to eat fatty foods 5. asking why some people in my family were fat 6. telling me he doesn’t want to get me pregnant because he wants me to be skinny longer. Countless other little things here and there. But whenever I said do you have a problem with fat people still, he would get defensive and pretend I was imagining it. Again, we’re long distance so I suppose I don’t get to see the person he is ALL of the time. But now that he’s told me, I feel like I can’t trust him and he’s sucking up because he knows I don’t want to do this anymore because it feels like a lie. So we are seeing a friend of his for “marriage counseling” (I put it in parentheses bc the guy is not qualified and talks to Dave outside of sessions all the time, and even brought his own wife to a session) and NOW Dave says he’s ready to change and leave these prejudices behind REALLY this time. I’ve lost trust and honestly have not felt the same about our relationship since that day. Although he’s saying he’ll change this time, I’m not sure if he means it or is just trying to placate me into staying in the relationship then reverting back whenever he feels like he has me. Plus I believe these prejudices stem from a lack of empathy and insecurity that reflect in other areas like the way he reacted to the pandemic. Completely ignored any rules and felt like he could get me sick too because I’m “young” even though I told him I do not want to get sick. I also reminded him that I’m high risk because I have asthma to which he said “Ugh I forgot you’re unhealthy.” (He’s consistently put me down for my genes and even explicitly said “my genes are superior to yours.”) Anyways, he said what I wanted to hear in order to make me feel safe enough to move down for the summer and when I got there in late March, he didn’t want to take any precautions that we had previously discussed (ex. wearing a mask- “I’m not a face mask kinda guy” or having hand sanitizer in the car) and actually argued with me when I insisted and was condescending calling me “mom” and rolling his eyes. With all that said (sorry, I know that’s a lot) does anyone have any advice on what I should do? ***Comments*** **Top Comment** >Run. **lambie-mentor** >>Yes! The statement “my genes are superior to yours” is enough right there for you to run for the hills. All of the other prejudices should make you run even faster!! **OOP** >>>Just want to defend him slightly on that superior genes statement for more context but he claims he was referring to athleticism. He has a hyper fascination with physique and always comments on other men’s muscles or athleticism. For example, every time we watch a show or movie, he will comment on how the man’s physique looks. >>>Don’t think it’s necessarily a race thing more of our specific families thing and his horror about some of my family members being obese and me having asthma. But then again... he did say that his only black friend (who is tall and buff) “would breed well” five years ago. Yikes. Yeah, that was another argument. >>>Guys, I’m really embarrassed about staying in this relationship... the more I think about it, the more I’m disappointed in myself for naively thinking that his continued silence on these things meant he had changed them. **Mr_Anomalistic** >Food for thought, if you gained weight during pregnancy would he leave you? You want to find a man who loves you unconditionally since that is what marriage is. **OOP** >>He doesn’t believe in divorce. I think in that situation he might just attempt to shame me into losing weight as fast as possible... I have brought this up to him and he’s insisted it will be fine and we will “work on getting healthy again together.” >>Another frequent argument we have revolves around what it means to be healthy. I think what calmed that fear is he stopped bringing it up this past year so I thought it was a thing of the past mostly. But I was wrong. >>I guess my problem right now is- I was done the moment he said he was “hiding” who he was because that made it clear none of these changes I thought took place actually happened. But he insisted on staying together and working things out. I feel guilty b/c he has cried, begged, and had his counselor friend tell me that “engagement is a commitment to get married and it cannot be broken.” >>I am a bit embarrassed of my submission and choice to stay with him after reading everyone’s comments. I asked my best friends about leaving him and they just told me to hang in through counseling, and I don’t ever talk to my parents because I had a terrible home life. I consider myself a rather strong woman and I can’t believe I’ve let it get so far. And on the other hand I am scared to break up with him because I’m worried of how he might react and the stigma of breaking off an engagement. >>Guess I just wanted affirmation that it is okay to leave since I’m not getting that elsewhere. I wish I were as strong as I thought I was and only needed my own feelings to affirm me. I find it hard to trust myself in this situation. Thank you for giving me your honest thoughts about this. I’ll be breaking it off when he comes to visit in two weeks, so I can hand him back his ring and do it in person. **lala2929** >He sounds terrible though... why are you with him? He's obviously racist. You're black! Your kids will look black to most people!! Do you want them around a dad like that? > >You're young. Move on. **OOP** >>I have always thought he was a good person and that he was just sheltered and misguided. When these things came up, especially the comment about my brother, we had a discussion about racism and how that statement is wrong. >>He apologized and he said he would do better. I thought that was really the end of it but then again, other prejudices started popping up. I just kept telling myself he was willing to be better and just needed my guidance. >>I know you guys just see an itemized list of prejudices but so many people don’t even know these things about him because I believe he just hides who he is to a lot of people. So my friends think he’s a fine guy and his friends think he’s one of the best guys (granted they might share his ideologies, I know some of them are sexist, all are white men in the military). >>I fell in love with him and blindly accepted these flaws as fixable. I thought of him as my rock and stability and an escape from my broken home. I was arrogantly confident in my ability to show him the truth and change things, and I honestly thought I had for the most part until last month when he revealed otherwise. >>I certainly acted foolishly and will now have to break off an engagement that should’ve never happened in the first place. --- &nbsp; [**Update: My fiancé told me he is “tired of hiding” who he is from me and now I’m not sure I want to get married**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/imd5s4/update_my_fiancé_told_me_he_is_tired_of_hiding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Fri, Sep 04, 2020 Firstly, thank you everyone for your input, the “run” comment was pretty brutal but effective. I broke off the engagement three days ago via phone call. I haven’t figured out how I will return the ring but thinking by insured mail. The call itself wasn’t horrible because I think he was in shock but a couple of highlights from the call: - “I might have lied, fine. But you are a liar too, you lied about loving me.” - “Not trying to guilt you but you’ve destroyed me.” - “I have nothing now and have no idea what I’m going to do with myself.” - “Are you seeing someone else?” - “You’re making a huge mistake. All I wanted was to be a good husband to you.” (2x) These comments were hard to hear because my worst fear is that I preemptively cut off a relationship with a man who is going through active change and who loves me dearly. But at the end of the day, I realized I don’t trust that he will change genuinely and I have no idea how to measure that progress since he has proved to hide parts of himself around me. He hasn’t tried to contact me since I broke things off and I’m grateful for that. I think it would make everything so much worse. I am grieving such an immense loss which is hard to communicate because others see it as a win by leaving an unhealthy relationship. Again, thanks everyone for the advice. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My fiancé told me he is “tired of hiding” who he is from me and now I’m not sure I want to get married

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15h9cz1/my_fiancé_told_me_he_is_tired_of_hiding_who_he_is/

15hcddz

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/instacart-bos-price **in** r/boston   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://np.reddit.com/r/boston/comments/5xj47l/ever_what_instacart_is_really_charging_you_in/) \- 4th March 2017 Last weekend (February 26), I was a little pressed for time all weekend so I used Instacart to have my groceries delivered. I knew that Instacart always added a delivery fee and a service fee and there was an optional tip. I also knew that at some stores, if you shopped there, the prices would be higher through Instacart than in the store. I was using Market Basket, so the app and site told me that prices would be "15%+ higher than in‑store". Of course, I was pressed for time and needed groceries for the week. So I bit the bullet and ordered. The only difference is that when I got my order, I realized that Instacart left the in-store receipt. I'd used them a handful of times before and never got one, so I figured I'd use this opportunity to see what the "Instacart tax" really is. And I was totally blown away. The subtotal (before tax) on the in-store receipt was $86.87. Instacart's item subtotal (before taxes and fees) was $123.21. This was a difference of $36.96 or 42.8%. I knew that prices would be higher than in the store - the site/app even told me so. However, I was anticipating a 15-25% markup, not a 43% markup. I also noticed the difference in tax. The store charged a tax of $0.52. Instacart charged a tax of $0.84. That's a difference of $0.32. Not much, but it appears that Instacart charges tax on their post-markup prices. It also appears that they may include the Instacart prices for items plus their delivery fee when computing taxes. That seems suspicious, but I'm no where near familiar enough with how state and local taxes work in groceries to know for sure. Instacart also added a $12.33 service fee. I believe that this is a 10% charge. Again, this is on the Instacart computed total and not the in-store total. If you search for "instacart service fee", you can learn more. Apparently, this was a rather controversial fee that upset shoppers and confused customers since it's not a tip and doesn't go directly to the shopper or driver taking care of your order. Instacart also added a $5.99 delivery fee. This fluctuates based on time of day. Busier hours have a larger delivery fee, it seems. At this point, the store cost me $86.87. Instacart is now up to $142.47 after taxes and fees. This is a difference of $55.60, or 64%. I added a 10% tip (honestly, the shoppers deserve it, especially shopping in a grocery store on a Sunday for me), which brought my Instacart total to $154.80 for an $86.87 grocery bill, or a difference of $78.20. Let's look at specific items now. Pork chops were $4.81 in store and $7.89 in Instacart for an increase of 64.03%. Tilapia filet were $4.89 in store and $7.39 on Instacart for an increase of 51.12%. Large white eggs were $1.78 in store and $4.78 on Instacart for an increase of 168.54%. Market Basket brand mouthwash was $1.99 in store and $2.49 on Instacart for an increase of 25.13% Russet potatoes were $2.59 in store and Instacart charged me $12.36 for an increase of 377.22% (this is likely an outlier - the other items were adjusted by the weight purchased, the potatoes were never adjusted). Now, a small number of items were cheaper. I saved $0.28 (22.76%) on onions and $0.28 (20.9%) on bananas. Two cans of pineapple juice were also the same price in store as on Instacart. I do want to be very clear. I'm not anti-Instacart. They can save time, and I've never had a problem with the shopper or driver when I've used the service, the handful of times that I have. However, it seems like how they do their charging is very deceptive to customers. Saying that items will be "15%+" more than in store isn't wrong when you charge 42.8% more than in store, but I don't think very many people will realize how much more they are paying. Plus, when I emailed their support to ask about the high markup on some items, they even admitted I received the in-store receipt in error - they don't want customers to be able to price check and do what I was able to do, probably because they are deceptive on the price increases. In short - Instacart may not always be worth your time. For me, the time spent in a grocery store for a weekly shopping trip is about 45-60 minutes plus the time it takes to get there. This past week, it was worth it for me to pay $55.60 + tip for someone to do my shopping for me. However, now that I know this true cost, I'll probably be more likely to try to find the time to go shopping before I place an order with Instacart. Photos of the receipts and screencaps of the Instacart receipts: [https://imgur.com/a/r6KGn](https://imgur.com/a/r6KGn)? **Edit 1:** Also, I'm not sure where else to share this. I'm using a throwaway account here, but it seems like people should be aware of what they are getting into if they choose to use Instacart. If anyone has any suggestions, please post here or DM me. **Edit 2:** I also want to be clear that a 40% markup on the provided service isn't necessarily unreasonable. My problem is the lack of transparency and how the site/app lowers expectations by using phrases like "15%" or "item prices may be higher than average, in-store prices in your area by 15% or more". Will I use Instacart again? Probably. But I will be far more aggressive in fitting shopping into my schedule knowing that I should be expecting to pay a 40-50% markup on my total bill. **Edit 3:** Screenshots of the spreadsheets: [https://imgur.com/a/VfQb6](https://imgur.com/a/VfQb6)   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/boston/comments/5xzkod/update_what_instacart_is_charging_in_bostonthe/) \- 7th March 2017 So, that post got pretty big. So big that it went to r/bestof, and it's still getting a little bit of attention and new posts. But there are some updates that I just want to share with everyone. The original post got the attention of Max Mullen, the co-founder of Instacart. I want to say that he was incredibly helpful in not only remedying the problems, but explaining a lot of the Instacart perspective in a chain of about half a dozen emails between the two of us. I honestly wasn't expecting any kind of response from Instacart, since the initial questions on pricing was met with vague statements and repetition of the Help Center statements. After looking into it, the Instacart team found and corrected 5 item prices which were wrong, either on my order in particular or the price used by Instacart in general. I checked by adding all items on my previous order to a new order and the Instacart item subtotal dropped from $123.31 to $112.92 (a difference of $10.39, which would also reduce the 10% service fee and tax). I do want to say that my communication with Max has definitely convinced me to give Instacart another shot. However, I think my usage of the service will change (more on that later). At the end of the day, I learned a lot of stuff. Here is a summary of some of the big things, some of them coming up in comments on the original post, some as DMs, and others from my email exchange with Max. First up, pricing practices. A few people pointed out a potential misinterpretation on my part of what "15%+ higher than in‑store" means. I originally interpreted that as meaning that markups would be 15%, potentially slightly higher (but in the 15% ballpark), than the on-shelf price. Instacart collects data and may not change it as frequently as prices change or sales come and go, which leads to sometimes larger difference between the Instacart price and store price. Some good news here is that Instacart did say that they want to revamp how they present the markup information to customers, and I'm looking forward to seeing what they come up with. I think they understand how it can be vague, misinterpreted, or have huge fluctuations based on the data used to generate their prices. Hopefully that will come out soon and be a much clearer message of what it meant and what the impact to a buyer is. Along the same lines as the markup is the delivery of the receipt. Instacart's plan here is to try to avoid having customers need to do more work to catch mistakes and try to build methods into the system to catch problems, like some of the price differences that I experienced. They did mention having experimented with photographing the receipts, but that led to problems (photos that didn't show some or all of the receipt, blurry photos, slowing down the shoppers). I disagree - I'd rather have the receipt to be able to double check if I felt anything was off and then report it to service. However, I do also see how some people may argue over every price increase and flood support with complaints. In the original post, some people have claimed that grocery stores don't show their markup and this isn't necessary for Instacart to do, either. I'm not sure how it is here in Boston where I rent an apartment and don't have a car, but where I'm from, service providers (plumbers, electricians, mechanics) give you estimates up front and itemized receipts at the end that separate the name and cost of parts/equipment from the labor charges and any other fees. I see Instacart as more like one of these service providers, but it seems like other people view them as a grocery store that should play by grocery store rules of displaying their price. I disagree with that, but I don't think it's an invalid opinion to hold. Waiving the service fee seems to be a "hidden feature" that I probably would never have seen if I wasn't explicitly looking for it, and I only looked for it because people here on Reddit mentioned it. When you order from an Instacart partner (like Whole Foods) that offers in-store prices through the service, that means that the store has an agreement with Instacart and is sharing the profits from the sales (possibly among other parts of an agreement). When you order from a non-partner store, the entire burden is shifted to the buyer. From where I'm sitting, it seems like the "service charge" can be a double hit - you pay a markup on items in addition to a percentage fee on top and both go to Instacart. I'm almost certainly going to be waiving the service fee when I order from a non-partner store since I would expect sufficient Instacart fees to be built into the markup, unless anyone has a really convincing argument. I'll probably also waive it during other trips, since the store is paying a portion to Instacart. Although if anyone has an argument as to why it should not be waived, I'd definitely be interested to hear your perspectives. The tipping system is also a little weird, to me. There are two kinds of experiences when you use Instacart and you are getting a delivery. Sometimes, one person does all of the work. In other cases, two people are involved - one person who shops and then puts the bags in a controlled environment for pickup by the driver who brings them to your door. If you choose to tip, the tip "must" (according to Instacart) go to the person doing the delivery (the person who brings it to your door). It seems like, in this particular case, the right thing to do if you choose to tip is to base it on the effort of the driver alone - perhaps consider traffic, weather, or if they had to carry the bags up stairs and not what the in-store conditions are (previously, I've tipped more when the shopper shopped on a Sunday afternoon and the store was hellish because I was unaware they weren't included in the tip). The shoppers are paid hourly while the drivers are not. The idea is that in-store conditions are handled by the hourly pay rate, plus incentives and bonuses. My understanding is that the "service fee" that you can opt into at least partially funds these incentives. I don't know how these incentives are paid out, but they are paid to "the best shoppers". It seems like it may be competition based (perhaps based on ratings?). I'm not a huge fan of competing for bonuses against people other than myself, but perhaps it works for Instacart. A number of non-American users also mentioned how they were surprised by the existence of something like Instacart. Apparently, in the UK and other European countries, grocery stores tend to have their own delivery service. I'd like to see that happen here - either stores standing up their own delivery services at relatively low cost or partnering with existing delivery services (like Instacart) to bring in-store prices (plus relatively minimal fees) to everyone. Some stores have done this, but the local option is Stop and Shop, and I don't like Stop and Shop at all. How I'm going to use Instacart in the future is going to change based on all of the things I've learned. The few times I've used it, it's because I was unable to go grocery shopping for one reason or another, so I replaced my weekly shopping trip with an Instacart delivery. Instead, I think I'll use it as a stop-gap. Rather than using it for an entire week's shopping trip, I'll get the things I need to last until my schedule opens up at a good time for a trip to the store. I also think I'll be opting for the partner stores. Even though Whole Foods is a little pricier, I feel more confident in the quality/cost balance and knowing that I'm not paying significantly more than the price on the shelf. There may be some deviation - sales I can't get through Instacart or perhaps some stale pricing information, but I would expect it to be much less of a crapshoot to use a partner store over a non-partner store. I'm looking forward to more partner stores, too, in order to reduce the risk on my end. I'm going to be waiving the service fee and tipping based on my perception of the driver's work, especially when if I ever order from a non-partner store again. If anyone wants to talk about this, I'll be continuing to monitor DMs on this account. I'll also be monitoring both threads actively through this week. Thanks, all!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Ever wonder what Instacart is really charging you in Boston? They left me with the in-store receipt. Here's the breakdown.

CONCLUDED

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15hcddz/ever_wonder_what_instacart_is_really_charging_you/

15he34v

**I am NOT the Original Poster. OOP is** u/Throwawayfornodrama **in** r/EntitledPeople**.** Trigger warning: >!Sexual assault. Attempted kidnapping. Child abuse. Death of a child. Death.!< Mood Spoiler: >!Hopeful for some parts but then very depressing.!< \------------- This is a continuation of two other BoRU posts. 1st post with the Original OOP's post and 4 updates is here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qqybr7/an\_entitled\_sister\_burns\_bridges\_then\_harasses\_op/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qqybr7/an_entitled_sister_burns_bridges_then_harasses_op/) Summary: >!OOP's half-sister shows how entilted she really is after moving in with OOP and allowing her creepy BF to be innappropriate with OOP until kicked out. Then they find out the half-sister is pregnant with the creepy BF's baby. OOP and another half-sister try to help the entitled sister but ends up taking advantage of the other half-sister and try to steal her house with the help of the creepy boyfriend. Entitled sister ends up deported to their home country and the creepy boyfriend starts stalking OOP and her foster daughter.!< 2nd post with the 5th and 6th updates is here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/tf2ljf/an\_entitled\_sister\_burns\_bridges\_then\_harasses\_op/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/tf2ljf/an_entitled_sister_burns_bridges_then_harasses_op/) Summary: >!OOP's half-sister's creepy ex continues to stalks OOP and her foster daughter. Entitled sister purposely harms herself to hurt the fetus and ends up inducing labor. The baby doesn't make it. She's arrested in their home country.!< •Update 7 in May 20th, 2022, [https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/uuci3s/my\_entitled\_sister\_got\_away\_with\_literal\_murder/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/uuci3s/my_entitled_sister_got_away_with_literal_murder/) So, been a while since I posted. I've been busy with a lot of changes and to be sincere my horrid sister was last in my mind. This isn't a great update, but to shorten a lenghty story, my sister was arrested for causing injuries to her unborn baby. He was born premature and with severe physical damage. She was fine. Unfortunately the baby boy didn't make it and died a bit after being born. A few days ago my uncle called to let me know my sister somehow managed to get all charges dropped except for a minor charge related to making a fake police report. (She accused her mother of stealing her car. My sister has no car) Not the best news all things considered, but right now she has no money left save a few hundred dollars she was given by a mutual friend and no one in our mixed family wants to help her. She even tried contacting my parents (we share a deceased father not our mothers) to get my new number. Luckily they refused. That's really my only consolation right now as like almost my whole life, she has the power to cause immense damage and still get out of it. Regardless, not all news are bad. I did hear because of her US criminal record she will not be allow to apply for a visa for 10 years. So she's stuck in Latin America with no home, actual money or a job. She's never held a job since we were kids and she's in her thirties. Wish I had a more satisfactory report on this, but sadly there's no jail sentence. Small edit: Also to clear something, my sister wasn't trying to terminate a pregnancy. She was trying to cause development damage to give birth to a special needs child. She would have had access to a monthly cheque for the rest of the child's life to cover their care and needs. Which I doubt she would use for that. •Update 8 in July 25th 2022, [https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/w8a5g0/my\_insane\_halfsister\_creates\_fake\_social\_media/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/w8a5g0/my_insane_halfsister_creates_fake_social_media/) Oh boy, here we go again.... Small footnote because the PMs are driving me nuts, my sisters are not really called 'Karen' and 'Mary'. I used fake names for everyone, including my daughter and my stalker to respect privacy. So Lili is a fake name as well as Ken. No, I really don't plan to share anyone's real name. To the actual story, I got called into a video conference today because I had 'broken the company's social behavior policies'. The run down on those is basically that we're not allowed to post innappropiate social media and we are to behave in a way that represents the company respectfully and properly. I am corporate, so very strict for me. Some of these policies are straight firing if broken. Obviously I was terrified, up until my boss described the situation. Apparently someone created an onlyfans under -my- name. No, not giving it out. Don't even ask, please. It was very... um... saying innappropiate isn't enough. Straight up really bad p\*rn based on the thumbnails which I hope a round of heavy alcohol will help me forever forget. First of all, I don't have nearly enough confidence for onlyfans. I don't even have the courage to go into the website. Not my thing. Second, I just had to laugh when HR pulled the page with my name on it and a picture of Karen. I just stared at them and asked if they saw the issue. They tried to paint it as 'well it still reflects poorly on the company'. I'll cut the amount of BS that went back and forth until the boss basically said this was stupid and to just let it be since its obvious the person in the onlyfans is not me. The only thing Karen and I have in common is our nose and eye color. I am ignoring the whole thing, though I low key sent it to our eldest brother who already told me he's gonna take care of it. Knowing him? Karen might end up in a convent. Or somewhere with no internet. There's a lot of towns in our home country like that. Pretty sure this was an attempt to get me fired or maybe have my partner leave me. Could even be a prelude to reporting me to CPS to get my daughter taken from me. I already have them informed of the situation and our case worker actually laughed at the sheer stupidity. So yeah, seems this is going to be my new normal until Karen finds a new target. In any case, I just wanted to say thanks to people that offered support to myself and my little Sith. Lili is doing great in her new school and has already found an apprentice/best friend for all star wars related shenanigans. She also discovered a new fascination in Avatar, so now she wants to learn martial arts. Mary and her wife are doing well too, they are actually considering adoption too in the not necessarily near future. Right now they enjoy spoiling Lili rotten. •Update 9 in Sept 23rd 2022, [https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xlucib/my\_entitled\_halfsister\_update\_1\_year\_later/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xlucib/my_entitled_halfsister_update_1_year_later/) Since apparently its been one year since this mess started and I have a few PMs asking for it, I figure I should at least update on things. The good news is my family, partner and daughter, are okay. We're settled in our new home and working through things. As for dear Karen (my horrid half-sister and this is a fake name for her), well, I actually saw her. Not on purpose, mind you. About a month past I went to my home country to tie up some loose ends. Closing bank accounts and preparing a property for sale. I took my adoptive daughter so she could see her birth family and left her with them for the week we were staying. While I was in the hotel, since as much as I love my relatives I really feel uncomfortable staying in someone else's house, I got called to the lobby. Apparently someone claiming to be my relative was there. I told them I wasn't expecting any visits, but they insisted I came down because apparently the person refused to leave otherwise. Thinking it could be an emergency, and I do have relatives that don't have cellphones, I decided to go see what was going on. Who happened to be, but dear old Karen. She looked fine. Nothing out of the world so I figured she probably got a job of some sorts and was doing okay. The moment she saw me she tried to get close to me for a hug, but I took a step back and asked her to leave. Immediately she began screaming that I had to give her money. That her life was all a mess and her baby was dead because -I- refused to take them in. The hotel staff tried getting her out and even threatened me with cancelling my reservation, but I reminded them they called me and I wanted nothing to do with this person. Karen began saying she would stalk outside the hotel until I either gave her ten thousand dollars or a property I had begun to prepare for sale. I asked for the police and to please not let her anywhere near my room. Eventually they got her to leave the lobby, but she did stay near the entrance. Even after multiple police calls, the best they did was let her be on the opposite end of the street. So after discussing the situation with the manager, they kindly set me in a different hotel from the same branch in another area. Personally, this worked for me, since I love that area and I could really just relax for the remaining days. My daughter actually joined me the last two days with her birth mom and we had a moms and daughter day. From what my relatives told me, Karen is working in a club as a hostess. Not that kind of club, just a normal tourist trap. She's doing fine enough to rent a place, but no real luxuries or the lifestyle she was used to when all she had to do was call me and I would buy her whatever she wanted out of guilt for having money. Last I heard, my half-sister has been going around claiming the old property I'm selling is hers and tried to find the paperwork for it in my relatives' house. I'm not so dumb to leave it there, though. In case she reads this, I won't say where they are, but they are completely out of her reach. •Update 10 in July 24th 2023, [https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/158kw9s/my\_entitled\_sister\_passed\_away\_and\_made\_sure\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/158kw9s/my_entitled_sister_passed_away_and_made_sure_to/) Oh boy, where to start.... To be frank, I haven't really been paying too much attention to reddit, so my apologies to a lot of replies I've missed. I actually have been postponing this for a bit, out of respect. As you all know, my eldest sister was the bane of my existance for the last few years. And I have to admit a small part of me always toyed with the idea 'if she was just gone my life would be easier'. Well, ask and you will be given, want it or not. With her passing, I don't feel uncomfortable sharing her first name. Karen, as I called her in stories, was actually named Leticia. Leti was a mess to say the least, but I do have a lot of fond memories when we were kids. I'm going to try to keep things on the right side of petty, since even with her passing I still have a lot of salt. On May 2023, Mary and I decided to check on things. Find out if she was okay, if there was any mess we should clean, or any of the many things we could think she would be up to. We ended up finding out she had passed away on April. It is related to damaged she caused to her body during her pregnancy. I won't share details, so I ask anyone with morbid curiousity to not ask even in private messages. Obviously we went straight to our home country to check the situation and make sure she had been given a proper burial. She was still in a morgue, so we paid the fees needed and prepared her funeral. A lot of family refused to come, including Leti's mother, so we didn't do anything big. A simple online service for anyone that wanted to attend anonymously and quick burial. After that was done, we set out to get her affairs in order. That's when we found she left over 25k of bills for Mary and I to pay. Unlike the US, where we come from debts are passed to the closest relatives regardless of the debtor's death. In this case, it would be Leti's mother, but we decided to take it over. That's not counting her funeral costs, the fines with the morgue and other miscellaneous. The peak of pettiness came when we were taking out her stuff from the place she rented. We found a lot of missing items. From toys from our childhood, to jewelry. Even my graduation dress. She was selling all of them online. A lot of these items were in storage, so she had somehow made a copy of the storage key. I don't celebrate her death. Nor do I feel sad, to be honest. I just feel exhausted. I always wanted to be close with my siblings. Unfortunately, I'm realizing for her, I was just an easy mark. I felt guilty I had a lot growing up, while my sisters were excluded because they were born out of wedlock. It wasn't their fault, and I'm also realizing it wasn't my fault. Over the last few years I really appreciate how some people made me laugh here, and I absolutely had a blast sharing how entitled my family is. This isn't really how I wanted my sister's story to end for all she was. I rather she was still causing issues. At the same time, there's a little bit of peace knowing I can visit my family and community without feeling like a target. I know the mourning and sadness will eventually come, she was my sister after all. So I'm writing this before grief makes me less bitter.

Entitled Sister burns bridge, then wants me to maintain her and her unborn baby. 2 year updates

NEW UPDATE

AffabiliTea

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15he34v/entitled_sister_burns_bridge_then_wants_me_to/

15hphe1

**I am not the Original Poster. That remains** u/Throwaway-BabyName. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/entitledparents. I made an earlier BORU post with her first update [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13wcmnt/aita_for_breaking_my_fianc%C3%A9s_family_tradition_by/). **Trigger Warning:** >!brief mention of murder!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad but they'll be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12oxgy4/aita_for_breaking_my_fianc%C3%A9s_family_tradition_by/)**:** **April 16, 2023** Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit. Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name. My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name. I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother. My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose. However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now." Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed. My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name. When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now." This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name. My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this. AITA? **EDIT:** The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think. Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead. **EDIT 2:** It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you use Peter as a middle name?*" Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"." *How many Peters are alive right now in your family???*" There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwaway-BabyName/comments/13suk4k/update_aita_for_breaking_my_fianc%C3%A9s_family/)**: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)** *(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)* I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it. Original Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update. About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life. We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents. One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her. When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter." I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place. He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right. We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both. I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around. But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life. I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses. **EDIT:** I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country. Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore. And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?*" According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere." *Have other family members come around yet?*" Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet. My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter." *One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:* "And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." ***(note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)*** *OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:* "My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma." "Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born. My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country." **NEW UPDATE** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/15bzoc8/my_inlaws_started_harassing_me_for_destroying/)**: July 28, 2023 (3 months from first post)** My son is now 5 months old (almost six!). We're still NC with my fiancé's parents, who haven't seen us since May. We've both blocked them everywhere. His relatives who were on our side still are, and most of the ones who weren't haven't come around. If anything, they're even more pissed now. I remember someone suggesting that my fiancé's family might stop using the name after we decided not to. Well, you were right. Last week, one of my fiancé's cousins announced she was pregnant with a boy. She included her baby's name in the announcement, and it's not Peter. What followed was a string of aggressive Instagram DMs from both MIL and FIL. They both created accounts for the sole purpose of contacting me. I didn't see them until two days later. They sent me almost an hour worth of voice messages about how I'd "ruined their family". They wish their son had never met me, that he'd see me for "who I truly am", and that I'd never gotten pregnant. Many of the messages ended with "I hope you're happy now", as if they thought they were getting the last word, only to think of something else they wanted to say. There was name calling, an accusation of me cheating, and the persistent refusal to refer to my son as their grandchild. My fiancé and I listened to the messages together. He hadn't gotten any. As much as I tried to distance myself, I was in tears by the time it was all done. I still don't regret anything, specially after the stunt they pulled back in May, but I'm not completely free of the guilt yet. Not to mention their complete disregard for their grandson. I was already having an overwhelming week, and this just seemed like the final straw. I must have spent close to an hour sobbing in my fiancé's arms. Once I was calmer, he unblocked his parents just to scream at them for a while. I only heard his side of the conversation, but it was more than enough. He finished the call by saying he didn't want to hear from them again. We had a long talk afterwards. My fiancé opened up about the emotional blackmail by his family before and after my pregnancy. My in-laws were close to threatening him with anything they could if we didn't name our son Peter. I told him about my guilt, and how awful I feel for putting him through this. We reassured each other, cried a bit more, and had a mostly pleasant evening with our baby. We contacted his cousin. The family is giving her shit for breaking the tradition again. They're being way less aggressive though, and I think many of my in-laws are finally learning to let go. We're not expecting any apologies anytime soon, but we'll be glad if they come. Our wedding will be in September 2024, and whoever doesn't give us a sincere apology until then is uninvited. My fiancé's parents are banned either way. We came to that decision together. Also, I'd like to address some comments on my previous update about how I was "letting my family's trauma win", or how the name wouldn't be hurtful now that my grandmother has passed. I can't stress enough the damage my uncle's death caused. He was only 30 years old. He had a fiancée, a great career and his whole life ahead of him. I don't know many details about what happened, because I didn't want to upset my family by asking. My grandmother wasn't the only person hurt by this, my entire paternal family was. And if I remember correctly, the person responsible isn't even in jail anymore. It was more than 20 years ago, but the wound never truly closed. So yeah, I think it's safe to say the tradition is over. The next Not-Peter will be here in January, right before my son's first birthday. It was never my intention for this to turn into such a shitstorm, but I'm so incredibly proud of my little family. Thank you so much to everyone who shared their stories and offered advice during these last few months. I'll be forever grateful for all the support I got from y'all.

NEW UPDATE: AITA for breaking my fiancé's family tradition by naming my son what I wanted?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15hphe1/new_update_aita_for_breaking_my_fiancés_family/

15hpo5v

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Throwaway1177990 **My boyfriend says he's bored of my body.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Porn addiction!< **MOOD SPOILER** >!Positive outcome!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xhtha3/my_boyfriend_says_hes_bored_of_my_body/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) **Sept 18, 2022** The title says it all. Him (late 20s M) and I (mid 20s F) have been talking about things in our relationship openly these last few months and last night he revealed this hard to swallow truth. We've been together for 7 years and I guess I was always worried this would happen. He says he's still in love with me and that he still wants to be with me, and that he would never even consider cheating or sleeping with someone else. How can I spice things up in the bedroom to bring that spark back? Any advice? I just want to feel intimacy in that way again. Edit to provide more context: So this all came about with me asking him why porn gets him off and why his sex drive seems pretty low. He said that there's a lot of variety in what he can see on porn whereas he seems to have just gotten used to and bored with seeing the same thing every time with me. He IS seeing his doctor about his libido today, which may result in a medical reasoning as to why he doesn't get in the mood as often as I do. I guess things have just been very routine with us the last few years so I get where he's coming from. Our relationship did go through some big hurdles this year where I personally needed to do some growth and make some changes, so there might be a residual hesitancy in his mind about us that might be impacting things too? I don't know, I really just want to help fix this. [Update - 10 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15cegc1/positive_update_my_25f_boyfriend_27m_says_hes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 28, 2023** 10 months ago, I posted to this subreddit as I was feeling heartbroken, lost, and confused. The words anyone dreads hearing had been spoken to me by my partner of 6 years at the time and I just had no idea where to go from there. The advice I got was astronomical. So many people provided their insights and I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for helping me find the courage to sit down and tackle the problems that had been plaguing my relationship for years. The night after I posted this, I sat down with my boyfriend and had a serious heart to heart. I told him how his words had hurt me, and expressed my concerns around his addiction to using porn to stimulate himself. I asked him if he wanted to put the work in to have this relationship work and he agreed to stop watching it, and for us to seek couples therapy together. He apologized for how cold his words were and provided me with comfort that he wants to make this work, as I am his best friend and he did love me deeply, he had just lost sight of that over the years. It only took two therapy sessions. Two therapy sessions gave him the wake up call he needed to realise that I wasn't the problem. From that point on, he has provided me with the love I had needed for years. He has 100% stopped watching porn and our sex life has skyrocketed from the previous barren desert that it was. We're now discussing getting married, properly planning a future together, and we're tackling any challenges together, instead of keeping our thoughts bottled until they explode into what they did last August. Our 7th anniversary is coming up in August :) I've worked on myself too. I found that by working on myself, it encouraged him to take the steps to better himself too. We've both gone out and gotten our health in order and we're working on the outcomes of that together, supporting each other in both of our journeys to become the best people we possibly can be. Reddit, you're a lawless land, but honestly... Thank you. Without you, I would've lost so much and had to start over. In a sea of confusion, you were the guiding light that helped me get my head on straight after being blindsided by a poorly worded confession that had been years in the making. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ctrl_-alt-_defeat** >What happened in the counseling sessions for him to suddenly have a wake up call? **OOP replied** >The therapist walked us through each other's points of view on the relationship, walked us through how we met, his relationship history, my relationship history, and really got him thinking down the track of why he entered this relationship and what had him fall for me in the first place. >A lot of our issues came from us losing perspective on what we loved about each other. Both of us had struggled with that classic 6/7 year itch, where all of the negatives were what we focused on instead of taking a step back and looking at what actually mattered about us as a couple. >She gave us pointers on how to connect better and on her recommendation we invested in a card deck focused on questions that would help us communicate with each other, talk about how each person felt, and understand the way both of us express our love. She brought us way back to fundamentals and stripped back all of the extra nonsense we were blaming for our issues (work stress, family stress, etc). The card deck contained questions about times we've felt hurt, times we've felt loved, and helped us understand each other so much better. We still use it now and then to help us have meaningful conversations with each other. >She also helped him realise that therapy isn't a bad thing to pursue and he sought his own therapy to work on himself afterwards. >She's still my personal therapist and is very pleased to hear that the ground work she did with us is helping both of us grow both individually and together. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boyfriend says he's bored of my body.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15hpo5v/my_boyfriend_says_hes_bored_of_my_body/

15hpqgh

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Weird_Attention_6183 **AITA for refusing to meet my bfs friends unless they apologize to me?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Catfishing, Public humiliation, emotional abuse!< **Thanks to u/czechtheboxes for bringing this to the BoRU discord** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14mtj05/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_bfs_friends_unless/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 30, 2023** A couple of weeks ago, my (24f) bf's (27m) friends found a Tinder account with my pictures on it and matched with it. I have not met my bfs friends yet but they know what I look like because my bf showed them pictures. They showed my bf the account and my bf called me immediately to tell me about it. I haven't used tinder in over a year and tinder is supposed to delete inactive accounts after 7 days, so i knew it wasnt mine. His friend also messaged with the account that weekend but I was with my bf watching a movie at that exact time so my bf didn't really believe the account was mine either. But his friends weren't convinced that i wasnt cheating. I could hear them yelling things through the phone like "Make that btch prove herself!" "You're gf is a whre!" along with other really degrading names. My bf told them to shut up as I was on the verge of tears. I went on FaceTime w all of them while the friend messaged the account. They made me show my hands and my phone on the video call the whole time. The catfisher messaged back and I was proven innocent. None of them apologized to me. They only apologized to my bf which felt even more disrespectful. Apparently, those friends are hosting a party this weekend and my bf wants me to meet the group for the first time. But I don't want anything to do with them until they apologize to me for calling me names. My bf understands but also says that it would mean a lot if I could at least give his friends another chance since they were actually just doing their best to support him since he has been cheated on in the past. WIBTA if I refused? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Weird_Attention_6183/comments/14xqo3v/update_aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_bfs_friends/) **July 12, 2023** Update: So much crazy shit has happened and I've just been trying to process it all. I don't even think yall are going to believe what went down. After reading through the comments on my last post, I told my bf again that I was not going to the party because I felt disrespected by his friends and was disappointed that he did nothing to stand up for me. My bf apologized to me and made it up by spending the weekend with me at my place instead of going to the party. He told me that after he quit his job, he would not contact any of his friends who refused to apologize to me... none of them did. His apology seemed genuine and him not going to the party convinced me that everything was good so I didn't break up with him. Flash forward to a few days ago. My bf and I were laying together in bed. He was on his phone, messaging some of his friends while I was watching Tiktoks. At one point, I glanced at his phone while he was scrolling through his texts and saw that he had sent a bunch of screenshots of my pictures from Instagram to someone. Even from far away, I could tell that they were pictures of me. I didn't think much of it and even thought "Aww he's showing his friends what I look like." (I was SO dumb). So before we went to sleep, I jokingly asked him, "Hey why were you sending my Instagram pictures to your friends?" He went white and there was so much panic on his face. I immediately knew something was up and made him explain. Apparently, HE sent my Instagram pictures to his friends so that they could make a fake Tinder account to see if I was really cheating on him. Because he had been cheated on in the past, he felt so insecure in our relationship that he wanted to "make sure" I didn't have any dating apps or was doing anything shady behind his back. He thought the confrontation would scare me into a real confession. But he didn't want to seem like the bad guy with major trust issues (which is what HE IS) so he had his friends confront me for him while he pretended to be on my side the whole time. They saw my reaction to it all ( I was literally on the verge of tears the entire call and did NOT confess to anything they accused me of) and they decided to play it off as a catfish. So congrats to those of you in the comments who guess right. The friends made the fake account. I didn't believe it at first because I had no evidence and I hate making false assumptions about people (ironic isn' it?). I also thought that they had no way to get pictures of me since my Instagram is private. But how tf was I supposed to know my own bf was providing them to frame me? Needless to say, I dumped his ass. He cried the whole time which was admittedly satisfying to watch but also painful. Thanks for all the support. Wish me luck in therapy. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for refusing to meet my bfs friends unless they apologize to me?

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15hpqgh/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_bfs_friends_unless/

15hps2r

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwraCable_7304 **My 26f husband 28m slapped my best friend 31f for staring at my breasts.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!physical violence, sexism, misogyny and intimidation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1531ezp/my_26f_husband_28m_slapped_my_best_friend_31f_for/) **July 18, 2023** Me and my husband have been together for 5 years and married for 1 year. I just had a baby several months ago and I'm breastfeeding her. Before my pregnancy I was a B cup but after having a baby my breasts are have increased to DD. My husband of course loves the increase in my chest size and has lately been expressing sudden bouts of jealousy if anyone showed a little too much attention to me. The weekend before, both of our families and friends gathered together for a family celebration. Everyone congratulated us on the baby and oohed and aahed, all of that usual stuff. Somewhere halfway through dinner, we were all peacefully eating and conversing. My best friend (we'll call her Amy) was staring a long time at my breasts and I said "You look like you want a taste of my norks" and we both laughed. But without warning my husband slapped my best friend on the face and said "Her breasts are only for me to look at". Amy was stunned and she immediately left the table while I looked at my husband in shock and asked what the fuck was he thinking? He said "sorry, I'm a bit territorial". Now, he knows the way Amy and I joke around and he's never acted this jealous before. And over what? Her gazing at my breasts that long? Why wouldn't she or anyone I know for that matter? They're double Ds now for Christ's sake. His parents saw everything (everyone did) and they said that he has every right to defend his territory. I'm sorry, are we animals? I went after Amy who was crying and already had an angry red mark on the side of her face. I calmed her down and she told me "We were just joking around. What if he hits you someday?". I don't see my husband capable of doing that, but I am worried about his jealous that appeared during and after my pregnancy. Is this normal for men to act "territorial" during this period? And even though, that doesn't excuse him from hitting a woman, a woman who is my best friend. EDIT: The red mark has by now turned into a horrendous bruise and I'm now freaking out because my husband has never shown this amount of jealousy before, not even close. And the more time passes, the more I think that she might be right and if he can't control his impulses, then what guarantee is there that he won't do the same to me? EDIT 2: I'm far from okay with it and I've been cold towards him and keeping my distance since that day. Every time I see her and the bruise on her mark I feel rage inside of me and I cried this morning because I can see that my best friend is in pain and she's still not going to press charges because I'm her friend and he's my husband and all she cares about is me. I'm terrified at the thought of being a single mother and I don't know if I can handle motherhood on my own but Amy said that she will support me and help me. When he hit her, I was in shock but I had a fleeting thought of st@bbing him with the knife that was laying in the middle of the table. But I also had the fleeting thought I can't go to jail because I'm a mother. I love my best friend. When we were in college, a guy roofied her drink and I made him instantly regret it. So I do care for my best friend deeply. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **BriefHorror** >I'm sorry are you high? Let me be really fucking clear AMY IS 100% RIGHT. He hit her hard enough to leave an ANGRY RED MARK?? How are you not freaking the absolute fuck out. **OOP replied** >>I am freaking out, because the more time passes, the more I'm thinking that maybe she is right. And seeing the red mark turn into a horrendous bruise is freaking me out even more. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15byrg4/update_my_26f_husband_28m_slapped_my_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 28, 2023** I recently made a post about this. To briefly recap it, we were at a family celebration and my best friend (Amy, fake name) was staring at my breasts for a long time and I jokingly said "You look like you want a taste of my norks". We both laughed but my husband slapped her without warning and said "Her breasts are only for me to look at". She left the room and when I asked my husband what the fuck was he thinking, he said "sorry, I'm a bit territorial". His parents saw everything and said that he a right to "defend his territory". When I followed Amy and found her crying, she asked me "What if he does that to you someday?" She had an angry red mark on her face from where he had slapped her. I had a baby several months ago and I'm currently breastfeeding, so my former B cups increased to DD. More than a few people have been giving me attention because of them and my husband has been having sudden bouts of jealousy lately. Amy and I have been joking about my increased breasts. So, to get to the update, first Amy's red mark turned into a horrendous bruise and her side of the face was a little swollen for a few days but has returned to it's normal size. I've been massaging her injury and rubbing it with Arnica oil. But she's still taking ibuprofen. Seeing her in pain has been painful for me and I've cried a few times while taking care of her wound. And all she cared about is me getting away from my husband. The next day, after I had posted my first post, my husband had come to me and apologized for acting territorial and striking Amy. He realizes that he should have just played along because he knows that our friendship would never cross the platonic friend line, and he'll go to therapy to fix his jealousy periods. I accepted his apology because he's the father of my child. But when we had sex the next few days, I felt nothing. Zero connection. I told him to stop on the 3rd day when he was halfway and he did stop and ask me what was wrong. I told him I was not feeling so good and he just went to sleep. I kept replaying that slap over and over again this past week and the more time passes, the more I realize that even though he might be a good husband and father, slapping a woman just because she looked at my breasts for too long in a joking way is something I can't forgive him for. I can't continue to live with a man who would do that. I don't even feel love for him anymore, just dead feelings. My baby and I are staying at my parents' place now and I told my parents everything that has happened and my father swore that if he was at that table when it happened he would have beat my husband into a bloody pulp. Also, I want to add that my parents weren't at the family celebration, but my other family members were, including my younger sister. They were all in shock and nobody said or did anything. My father is currently getting a lawyer for me and the entire process terrifies me. My husband has contacted me already and asked why would I do this when he already apologized and said he was going to go therapy, and that isn't that supposed to be enough reason for me to stay? He called me unloyal, double crossing, and an unworthy cunt. He also said that there were a million times he could have cheated on me when I was pregnant and nursing but he never did and he should get credit for that because that's what other men would have done. His parents told me that I'm a selfish whore who can't stay true to her husband and has chosen some gay bitch over her loving and loyal husband. All of that made my blood boil and I want to push past my fears of being a single mom and just divorce him. Amy is still more than happy to help me with the baby and even suggested for me to move in with her so she can be there to help anytime, just as long as I get away from that "POS". Edit. Amy hasn't filed a police report nor pressed charges yet, but it's completely up to her if she wants to do it or not because she said that since she was the one who was assaulted, it's her decision. **RELEVANT COMMENT FROM OOP** >He knew that's how Amy and I would joke around, and he never had a problem with her being that way until now. >He slapped a WOMAN for staring instead of at least talking to her. >My father would have every right to beat my husband for slapping a woman because in my family men cannot put their hands on a woman. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My 26f husband 28m slapped my best friend 31f for staring at my breasts.

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15hps2r/my_26f_husband_28m_slapped_my_best_friend_31f_for/

15i468p

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/Steelsnapdragon **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!shock, relief!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for embarrassing a lunch thief at work**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/socrlh/aita_for_embarrassing_a_lunch_thief_at_work/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, Feb 09, 2022 So pretty much the title, I don't think I am the A-Hole, but I've been getting some flack for it, so I really want to clear this up. So I started a new job recently; I work in a small studio, and there are several others in the building, think open-plan office with sections assigned to each studio. The person I had an altercation with doesn't work for my studio, just FYI. I eat lunch at 1 PM-ish, and most people eat at 12. I came down early to eat at 12, I made coffee, and while at the counter, I noticed my Tupperware in the sink, empty. Imagine my surprise when I turned around and saw a man I didn't know sitting down at the table with my food on his plate. He had just stuck it in the microwave. Acting rashly since I was mad, I sat down next to him and said 'hey, that looks good, mind if I try it?' Then before waiting for an answer, I yanked the plate away from him and snatched his fork out of his hand; he just blinked in shock as did the other people there as I started eating. He then, quite loudly, asked what I thought I was doing, and I replied 'huh, you know this was actually much better when I first cooked it; it probably lost some flavor in the fridge.' He caught on quickly that it was my food and went a lil red. I then asked him where he got the gall to steal someone else's lunch and then ask them what they were doing when they took it back. He stuttered out some nonsense about not knowing it was mine, and I replied, well, you knew it wasn't yours, right? He just mumbled something like an apology, and I said that's no problem; it was nice he'd warmed it up for me at least, in an admittedly b*tchy tone, and then he just got up and left, and the people there just stared in silence. Two of the silent watchers, maybe his mates, idk, told me that I was rude to him and that there had been nicer ways to go about it. I told them to think how they'd feel if someone ate their food before saying they should focus on their lunch, and I'll focus on mine. Well, it's been a little awkward at lunch since, and I have the impression a few people are talking shite about me at work now; maybe I could've been nicer, sure. I still don't think I was wrong, but tell me, Reddit, AITA? **TL;DR:** A lunch thief tried to eat my food in front of me; I took it back and embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** ***Comments*** **Scared-Tea-8911** >Unpopular opinion… YTA. People who steal food for no reason ABSOLUTELY are assholes, but you don’t know this guys living situation or financial situation. He should not have stolen your stuff, but publicly humiliating someone who may have to steal to survive? Nope, I wouldn’t ever do that. > >I would have pulled him to the side and politely let him know it was my lunch. That way, you get your lunch back, don’t humiliate him, and don’t look like an asshole to the rest of the office. **OOP** >>I see where you are coming from but I don't see this as an acceptable excuse. He doesn't know my financial situation either. >> >>I've moved recently into a new apartment with a roommate and had to pay 3 times rent the 1st month (deposit and first month's rent) and my low 3 months probation pay at work just barely covers rent not considering utilities, groceries, fuel for my car etc. >> >>I've been dipping into savings till I can get better pay and spent the first month in my place eating on the floor cause we had no furniture or spare cash to get some. It's very unfair to put a strangers financial situation ahead of mine when I cook in bulk to save money and sometimes eat the same food for lunch all week. **EDIT:** Okay, this blew up, just wanted to drop an edit on here to say thank you so much for all the comments, support, and awards; it's great to know I wasn't completely overreacting. Maybe I should chat with some people and see if the food thief has struck before. Will update then if y'all are interested. Otherwise, additional info, I saw some comments saying I should go to HR, but my studio doesn't have HR, and the perp doesn't work for the same place; we do have a de facto office manager, but I don't want to take it any further since I'm still new here and on probation/think my reaction might have been enough. &nbsp; **UPDATE** [*Update was added to the original post*] So not sure if anyone wanted an update, but I finally found out from a new friend at work that yes, the lunch thief had struck before! Apparently, everyone wrote their names on their lunch to combat this, and the thief then targeted unmarked lunch or lunch items; guess no one told me ha. People apparently started being petty and standoff-ish to the thief since, and he blames me for that lol. Also, according to my new friend, most were actually very pleased that the thief was finally identified/dealt with. I was assured that besides the thief in question and his cronies, no one thought I was being a b*tch. However, not knowing much about me, they assumed I was a very serious or clique-y person from my reaction, which I mean fair, I dress very professionally when most of the office dresses quite casually, which probably added to that (think high heels, blouse, and skirt VS shorts, graphic tee, and slops). I've started to come down to lunch earlier to chat with some people, and the office seems to be warming up to me. So not a drama-filled update, but I'm very happy things turned out so well, and my reputation with my colleagues is off to a good start; thanks again for all of the comments and support. Think this will be the final edit slash update too, thanks, Reddit :) &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for embarrassing a lunch thief at work?

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15i468p/aita_for_embarrassing_a_lunch_thief_at_work/

15i9p7m

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/BobsNotMyUncleDamnit in r/sysadmin** ------ [**Thinking about leaving my current employer...**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/sjjf41/thinking_about_leaving_my_current_employer/) - 03 Feb 2022 I'm just tired. Tired of IT/IS tired of keeping up on it all and the news associated with breaches and ransomware, etc. I've become really burned out at my current employer, and it shows. It shows in my work, it shows in my demeanor. I try not to let it, but it's basically impossible to hide at this point. I'd say about 30% of it is just being tired of the place I work. It's the same ish every day, same environment, same systems, what stupid thing did a user do today, not do today, message they didn't read that tells them their answer. I'm sure this comes with the territory but I think I've allowed myself to become this doormat that people call rather than even attempting to help themselves. My fault. I come home, I'm not happy. I just sit and watch TV or screw around on the internet. Not interested in learning anything, just really blah about it all. My wife sees it, there's not much she can do to help. She has a low income, I earn the vast bulk of our household income. I feel so stuck. Outright quitting would kill our household. This month, basically two opportunities have fallen into my lap. While I don't "have" either yet, one of them I've been offered and had to turn down in the past. The other is VERY similar to the environment I work with now. Both, unfortunately, are sys admin roles. For all intents and purposes, both jobs are with the same company, just different, separate, departments. They do not share infrastructure. The company will be here longer than I will and is a place I can retire from with benefits. Essentially, all benefits are equal in the situation. * IS Administrator - Basically the same environment I currently work in. Sole admin. Slightly more users than I currently have, definitely more locations. Better infrastructure with more opportunity to learn new things. Probably equivalent pay. * IS Administrator - Part of a team of 4 with a dedicated net admin, IT director, Web person. Similar system to what I'm with now, hundreds more users than currently. This is the position I've been offered in the past and had to turn down (amicably, family emergency situation). I have no doubt if I applied, I'd get this position. I would take about an 18% pay cut. My question becomes... Has anyone taken a step BACK (essentially) and been happier? Does working with a team give you a better daily outlook? Less responsibility, less headache? I'm leaning toward option 2. I just am tired of being the entire team I think. Users are users, they are going to be a pain anywhere. I'm also tired of being the sole decision maker. In a sole management position, even if I bring on a team to get a project going, the choice becomes mine in the end. I just feel like I need input from others (I mean, I posted this crap above, so obviously). I don't know. Maybe I'm just looking for other admin's experience in burn out and job transitions. Was it worth it? What's your story? Ugh, just not into it these days. Addendum1: The current ownership of the company I work for is basically sole-proprietor. He's getting up there in age and I'd assume this place sells to a massive conglomerate with their own IT department. Sometime within the next 3-ish years. EDIT1: A couple people focusing on money... It's not a huge deal. We are debt free except our house which should be within 3 years. My current employer pays REALLY well for our area. They tend to over pay with the thought that money covers up poor working conditions. Not that it's a bad place to work, but it is demanding and the owner can be a complete jackass whenever he chooses. I have a few former co-worker friends who stuck it out here as long as they could simply because of the money and when they finally ripped the band-aid off, felt so much better. Now, my situation is different than theirs were but still... ------ [**[Update] Thinking about leaving my current employer...**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/15bxdx4/update_thinking_about_leaving_my_current_employer/) - 28 Jul 2023 **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** Since it’s read-only Friday AND SysAdmin day, I figured I’d follow up with my wildly not popular post requesting thoughts on leaving my long term employer… https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/sjjf41/thinking\_about\_leaving\_my\_current\_employer/ The thread didn’t get a whole lot of hits, but those that shared their information were invaluable and I’d like to thank them all for their insight. About two months after the post, my wife and I sat down and as expected I did have two job offers in hand, both available for my taking. Together we decided that any change would be better for me, so I hopped on offer #1 as Sole SysAdmin for a similar sized organization. I knew I’d be giving up several bonus opportunities and profit sharing from my current employer, but money wasn’t everything with how unhappy I was. Job #1 offered me a very stable employer, mentally stable staff, and an equivalent salary to what I was making. One of my main concerns with my (now former) employer was that the management/ownership was aging and even though there were promises of “I’ll work this place until I die!”, I knew better. A year ago I could read the writing on the wall and the place would be bought up by a large entity that would have no use for my position. That came to fruition this past week when a former colleague reached out to let me know they were being sold to a huge publicly traded competitor. Other than some high-level engineers and salespeople who are knowledgeable about the customers, I can’t imagine many of the staff will continue to be employed and more than likely not in this town. Though I gave up probably $30k in bonuses, at least I’m employed and in the same salary ballpark. The new job is great. I don’t know what I expected but it’s been just awesome. My boss is excellent and understanding that sometimes my job isn’t a 9-5. Last Friday he stopped into my office “Hey, you busy?” of course I’m going to say ‘not too busy’ to assist my boss, “Well, you go ahead and go home for the day then, take your son to the lake” … I was a little dumbfounded but we both knew I worked Sunday before and had been in nearly an hour early every day. He does genuinely seem concerned about my private life and wants me to actually live outside of work. He’s a really good guy. My first review I received a decent raise (the first in 3 years), and a promise to “get you up to market rate within 3 years”. I’m not sure what he thinks the market rate is, but I’m already above it for this town. The work is exactly what I expected. An up-to-date environment with an actual hardware rotation policy, assistance from the local MSP as we buy so much from them. I’m encouraged to go to conferences and learn everything I can. I’ve befriended the outgoing (retired) Admin and he’s always available for that “Hey, how TF did you set this up?” question. I get to work with technology that my previous employer would have thought was frivolous and I have multiple locations to think about as a larger entity. It's certainly given me the pep in my step I’ve needed. Will it last forever, maybe not, but one thing I’ve noticed is the type of employer this is we have actual monthly happenings, so I have a sense of time moving. At my previous job it was just ‘same shit different day’ as my pile of work just stayed the same. Quite honestly, after 15 years at my previous employer, I was extremely scared of the interview. I hadn’t really interviewed for anything during that time other than for job #2 in my previous post. I thought I did poorly in my first interview but received a second interview. In my second interview I thought I could have been better, more attentive, asked more questions. At the end of the 3rd, I was offered the position, outlined the benefits, and given a full 2 weeks to think about it. They understood this was a huge jump for me. Turns out later I found out from the former Admin that it wasn’t even competitive, I was their guy and they knew it. FeelsGoodMan.gif Anyway, I’ve rambled. Don’t be afraid to put yourselves out there. Don’t be afraid of your skills or even lack of skills. Don’t be afraid of interviews, just be yourself because you can’t keep up a charade forever. Trust your gut, do your research. Don’t be afraid to talk to people about being open to job offers. I NEVER would have made this jump if I hadn’t talked to a former Vendor of mine and she called me to tell me about the opportunity (I literally never saw any of their ads). Much love fellow SysAdmins. Enjoy your day! Thanks to: /u/nlaverde11 /u/ephemeral49152 /u/narpoleptic /u/Kryptiqgamer /u/grantn2000 /u/SimpleSimon3_14 /u/WildManner1059

Thinking about leaving my current employer...

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DumbshitOnTheRight

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15i9p7m/thinking_about_leaving_my_current_employer/

15i9sr4

**I am not the original poster. Original post in AskaManager**. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!abuse of power, harassment, unethical behavior!< mood spoilers: >!workplace struggles, triumph and leaving a toxic work environment!< --- &nbsp; [**My boss is rude to my husband**](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/07/my-boss-is-rude-to-my-husband.html) - Wed, July 06, 2022 I work as a bookseller, and about a year ago, our bookshop got a new manager. This was a great thing for the shop and for me personally — he’s much more competent than anyone we’ve had in the past and has a real drive for developing people. I happen to be the person he’s focused on developing, and it’s been wonderful: I get paid more now, have lots more responsibility, and am being provided with all the training to start managing my own shop before Christmas. I’m being treated as a rising star in the business (we’re part of a very big chain) and given a lot of opportunities to excel, which of course feels fantastic! I’m very grateful. There’s only one snag, though: my boss is very keen to socialize with me outside of work, both one-on-one and as part of the management team. The culture in our shop has always been that partners, spouses, housemates, friends, etc. are very welcome at these events. However, my manager seems to absolutely despise my husband. I can’t find any reason for this. Obviously I love him, so you could argue that I’m biased, but really, everybody adores my partner. He’s gentle, fun, and a good listener and always proves a popular addition. Honestly, half of my colleagues probably prefer him to me. He’s only spoken to my boss a couple of times and only briefly, but my boss is openly dismissive of him: he makes disparaging remarks about him, stops engaging in conversations when I bring him up, and recently, when my husband arrived at some drinks, my boss visibly and obviously swung his entire body around in his seat so that he was facing away from us and left not long after. I have no idea what to do. I have a fantastic working relationship with my boss, and frankly, I plan to capitalize on that, but this makes me really uncomfortable. For further context, I’m a woman and he’s a man, and he is single; however, he has often told me that his preference is for very done up, alternative but feminine women, which does NOT describe me. (I’m a straggly-haired, no-makeup, shapeless-clothing wearer.) At first, I tried to dismiss his disparaging comments as an awkward attempt at humor, but after he so rudely turned away from my partner at the drinks… I’m angry! I don’t know how to bring this up with him, or if I should. Help?! --- &nbsp; [**UPDATE: My boss is rude to my husband**](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/update-my-boss-is-rude-to-my-husband.html) - Mon, Dec 12, 2022 The situation remains an odd one. While I wussed out of taking your advice when it came to actually talking to my manager about it (I thought there was enough plausible deniability that it might make me look like a bit of a nutter), I did start shutting down the comments when they cropped up and being rather icier than I normally would be. As women, we’re so socialized to be warm and accommodating that I think this took him aback a bit, and the snide comments stopped pretty much dead. I’ve also set a firm boundary on socializing with him in anything but the largest, most work-centric outings. He got a bit snippy when I didn’t come to his birthday (!) but… sorry, I was out with my husband. Some friends of ours recently had a baby, so we had a very fun evening playing house with said baby while the new parents got to have a rare night out together. I even showed my boss some adorable pictures of my husband cuddling said baby. (I know it’s petty.) However, the sheer wealth of commenters speculating that my boss has a crush on me has me thinking… they’re probably right, and if they are right, then the way he’s going about things is uncomfortable, creepy, and unethical. As we move into the much, much busier period in our shop, he’s started scheduling just the two of us to work late in the shop to catch up; normally this is a job that a team of at least three people would do, presumably to avoid… well, situations like this. To add to the issue, as my commenters predicted, I didn’t end up getting my own store – imagine I needed a 90% on my performance review to get promoted into it; they gave me an 89.999… Boss and the HR rep (who always sits in on these reviews, as a representative of the regional manager) said in recognition of how hard I work and how many additional duties I take on, they’d enter me for a specific excellence award, which comes with a cash bonus. They’ve since come back to me and said unfortunately, it turns out that’s not what the award is for. I then set a meeting to discuss pay and advanced the points that: - I’m taking on much more work than I was at this point last year, and - getting paid effectively less for it, due to rampant inflation. The answer was that a raise was not possible, and the plan going forward would be to schedule another performance review after Christmas and discuss it then. Following this, I attended the Christmas meeting, where they told us all how our shop was forecast to take upward of £60k a day. I’ve had a couple of days since then to reflect on how I feel, and I’ve come up with: undervalued and PISSED. So, in short, it’s become time to fall back on your wealth of CV and interview advice, Alison. Thanks to your website, I’ve never felt better placed to job search. There’s a vindictive part of me that really hopes I find something new before Christmas – I know everybody feels like their workplace would collapse if they left, but realistically, our store is already a bit like a Jenga tower on its last legs. If I take off during the peak season, it’ll fall apart like a wet cake. As a last note: this aggressively festive season, please be tender and mild to your retail workers. Especially if you happen to be in (very large bookshop) in (artsy English city), and you notice the conspicuous absence of a certain shaggy-haired, no-makeup, baggy-clothes-wearing team leader… &nbsp; [**UPDATE 2: My boss is rude to my husband (there’s more!)**](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/update-my-boss-is-rude-to-my-husband-theres-more.html) - Thu, Dec 15, 2022 I wanted to add a postscript: I got another job! After I wrote to you with my update, I decided I was just furious enough to quit without another job offer in my pocket. To the abject horror of my parents, I did just that. I was, of course, very nervous about going voluntarily unemployed at the beginning of a recession, but I’m so, so pleased to report that – thanks in no small part to your job application advice – I’ve been offered another job! It’s fewer hours, more money, more benefits, and (to the relief of my formerly horrified parents), much more prestige. The offer came through on the penultimate day of my notice period, which was very sweet indeed. During that whole notice month, my boss noticeably ignored me, which was an improvement. On my last day, he then handed me a card with a poem (!) inside it and said, I kid you not, “Don’t tell your hubby.” I gave what I hope was a bollock-shriveling laugh and said of course I would tell my husband; we share everything. Boss then squeezed my shoulder and said, “I’ll miss you” in an embarrassingly heartfelt voice. Yikes. I did, of course, show my husband the card. I then took great pleasure in deleting my former boss from my phone, thoughts, and life. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My boss is rude to my husband and I don't know how to bring it up with him

EXTERNAL

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15i9sr4/my_boss_is_rude_to_my_husband_and_i_dont_know_how/

15igssy

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/KoalaChlamydiaCheat in r/TwoHotTakes** trigger warnings: >!cheating, lying!< mood spoilers: >!hopeful at points, but likely depressing!< --- &nbsp; [**Did he cheat or did I catch an STD from a Koala??? Pt 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1592qnl/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - July 25, 2023 My (F27) husband M(28) and I have been together for 5 years after being friends for most of my teenage years. We have two sons, and this takes place in march of 2020 when I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. I had gone to my 13 week scan follow up after the ultrasound alerted something wasn’t right. I fully expected the worst but my gp just said they could see something on the scans with my fallopian tubes, nothing was wrong with baby and wanted to get bloods and swabs done. When the results came back my gp called me to come in urgently, that’s when she showed me that my tests had returned positive for Chlamydia. I was shocked and my gp knew I had been with my husband for years, she was my doctor all the way back when my first son was born, she knew all of our history. She straight up asked me if our relationship was monogamous and I of course said yes. She gave me the rundown of treatments and scripts, telling me that my husband would need to come be tested as well to confirm before he too would likely need treatment. All with a look of pity. She was thinking it, I was thinking it. My partner had cheated on me and given me an STD. I’m furious and heartbroken, but I go home and take a long hot shower scrubbing myself clean, then I sit down in our home, our family photo hung on the wall mocking me, and call him. He is at work and I’m crying on the phone explaining that I’ve just been to the doctors and gotten results that I’m positive for Chlamydia, and “how could he do this, you bastard” all the works. I hang up and he is calling me over and over but I’m trying to calm down as I have to collect our son from daycare and still be put together as a mother somehow. I ignore his calls and go about my day utterly crushed, I’m giving our son dinner when he comes home. He comes in the house, sets his stuff down loudly and throws his keys at the wall. He sees that I’ve got our son so he just walks into the bedroom and slams the door and I hear the shower run. I’m confused and even more hurt because I don’t know what I was expecting, but this wasn’t it. I finish feeding our son and bed routine, then settle him to sleep. It’s about 8pm by now and I’m exhausted, but I go to the room to talk to my husband and he is sitting on the bed holding his head in his hands crying. I walk over to him and say that, “I don’t know how you could do this to me and our family, but you’ve given me an STD and you also need get tested and take this medication.” He looks at me eyes red raw, yelling that I am a sick and twisted person for cheating on him, getting an STD and then blaming him for it. !?! (Crap this got longer than I thought and I have to put the rest in the rest in another post i put a atLDR at the end of part 3 if that helps anyone, although, I think you’ll need context) will link here once I do. &nbsp; [**Did he cheat or did I catch an STD from a koala??? Pt 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1592vtv/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - July 25, 2023 (Part 2) sorry this got long, I’m just trying to explain it all clearly. So my husband is upset and visibly shaking and I can’t fathom what he is saying. He thinks I’m the one who has been unfaithful and I’m just furious. I have never cheated and I hate cheating. It’s a disgusting act to do to someone you love. But he is adamant that he also never strayed and our argument ends with us waking up our son, so I go to settle him. When I came out he had packed a bag and was leaving. He said he was going to stay with his parents for a bit. He left, I cried all night. The next few weeks were hell, he tested positive obviously, both of us accusing each other. It got to the point that I asked if he wanted to separate, because I didn’t see how this could be resolved since neither of us would “own up”. He said he would tell me the answer if the pregnancy I was carrying truly was his after a paternity test. We went and got the tests and of course it was his child. We went to therapy, which never really solved anything. He eventually moved back in. All of our history combined with knowing that at the end of the day I loved this man and didn’t want a broken family was a big part of why I eventually decided to just accept that he cheated and wouldn’t own up to it. We just moved on with life, sure, a little less sunshine and joy like. I loved him and a part of me thought him admitting it would be worse, I’d want to know names/faces/details and ugh. As more time went by I became ok with leaving it. So it’s more than 2 and a half years later now, and Adam is scrolling through TikTok when this reel with Robert Irwin comes on. He was talking about how the biggest threat to koala populations is Chlamydia. I swear if a lightbulb appeared in his head it would have shone out of his ears because i saw him start to piece things together. He now has come to the conclusion that he thinks he did give me chlamydia, but not through cheating. This is where I’m just - wowser - at. (Crap this is too long again. Ok there’s just one more will link to part 3.) &nbsp; [**Did he cheat or did I catch an STD from a koala???**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1592wx9/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - July 25, 2023 Sorry this got so long and I went way over the character limit. (Part 3) Ok, back in mid to late 2019, there was huge bushfires in QLD. In September, Adam and I attended the Bohemian Beatfreaks festival, and along our drive into camp we came across so many koalas that had been displaced, the event was nearly cancelled due to fires burning near the site in the weeks prior, so these Koalas were just by the side of the road, exhausted. At one point we pulled over and Adam grabbed some water for these poor guys. One little fella was so thirsty and exhausted he was just holding on to my partners arm as he drank. And yes, Adam picked this Koala up and gave him a cuddle, and yes the koala proceeded to pee all over his shirt and arm. We laughed it off, moved him off the road track and continued on. Now being a festival in the middle of a bush, there are only showers that you pay for, we were not planning on using it to shower until the last day. He had taken off the shirt and washed his hands with bottled water. We arrived and set up camp and then went to party and forgot about the koala completely. Over those days we had sex, ALOT. Yeah, writing this now I realize how gross it all sounds, but that’s the culture of Aussie bush doofs, and we were young parents who had a rare break from having our son. So we go down a rabbit hole of research and find out that yes, you can catch it from koalas. Fuck me. Adam is so fast to make an appointment at our gps office, we show up and explain everything and even she agreed with him. That yes it is possible that is where the std could have originated from. We were completely asymptomatic so we could have had it from then and then it was only detected during my pregnancy. So now we have an explanation, and my husband is all for it. He says it all makes sense and I can see how he has changed since then, he is more relaxed with me, more trusting, but a part of me having thought it was from him being unfaithful has stuck. Our relationship has still been ok these last few years, but I’ll admit it’s been strained. Our sex life dwindled a lot and we both became almost toxic with each other in terms of who the other was talking to or texting, always feeling on edge when the other was out alone etc. He would randomly come out with “you can tell me the truth and I’ll still love you” so many times that would spark an argument etc, and our friends who knew the story have ditched us long ago thinking that one of us was a cheater and the other was stupid for staying. We learnt to keep this part of our lives private to avoid all the bullcrap. Since finding this out it’s like my husband has changed again, he is back to the loving affectionate caring man he was before this started, he has accepted this explanation so easily. But now, how do I wrap my head around that my husband did in fact give me chlamydia, but from a fucking Koala!!! And how do we undo all the toxic crap that has been between us and move into a healthier trusting relationship??? I still in ways feel as if he cheated on me and I’m not able to completely let this go because truly, unless he says different I’ll never really know, and this seems too convenient to the whole situation to put me at ease?? I just don’t know. It sounds crazy, but this has been my life for nearly 3 years, with this new information stressing me out again this last 6 odd months. (TLDR) - My husband and I have a great relationship up until I was diagnosed with chlamydia during pregnancy with our second son. I know I never cheated, and he swears he didn’t either, we can now link it back to an encounter with a koala, and whilst that has provided him closure, I’m still not too sure. Do you think he cheated, or did I really catch chlamydia from a koala?) &nbsp; [**Did he cheat or did I catch an STD from a koala?? Update- He cheated…**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15bpdmb/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - July 28, 2023 Hey all, me again, koala chlamydia girl. I’m back. So you read my post, (edit to add-and if you haven’t please just take 5 mins to read through on my page before giving advice as this isn’t as simple as just leave-) and most of you thought that my husband didn’t cheat, and gave me a lot of advice to think through. I sat my husband down last evening, and spoke about how I’m feeling now we know the truth. I talked about how much pain I’ve been put through with him accusing me and vice versa, and I apologized for my part in things, told him how much I loved him and how happy I was to finally put this to rest now we both now there is nothing between us. And then, he starts fidgeting and getting upset, and he tells me that he cheated. Yep. I know. But he still didn’t give me the STD he says. In the months after finding out, yes our relationship was in a really bad place. When he wasn’t living at home at that time, he went out and had a one night stand with a girl from a pub in the town over. He explained that he genuinely believed that I cheated, and after a few drinks he decided he was going to end things with me, so he went ahead with sleeping with this girl. It was his way of tit for tat. Plus he was convinced that our baby wasn’t his from everything, basically he was really in a broken place. But the next day we met up and this was the day I brought up separating, and he said that instantly he had regret and felt as if things were even now, he decided he would stay if I did a paternity test and the baby was his, which he was. He thought that if I was never going to tell him I cheated he would never tell me either. He only told me now because he realized how stupid he was and wishes he could take it back but can’t and now this Koala knowledge has left him feeling guilty. I asked about the girl and he says he only knows her first name, hasn’t had contact with her since and she means nothing. But my god this blows. Remember how I said in my post that since finding out my husband is back to his caring affectionate self? Well now I know why, he was trying to make up for his mess up. And people were mad at me for not instantly accepting that my std could have come from a Koala, but I swear there was a part of me that instinctively knew this, maybe that’s why I was holding on. It all feels hollow, I feel numb, I’m sitting on a park bench right now while our sons play and I just don’t know what to do now. Cheating is a dealbreaker for me, and I NEVER slept with anyone. I never considered a payback tit-for-tat move against him, so why did he do it to me. I’m heartbroken, and a part of me wishes we could go back to before all of this happened. I can’t break up my family, we have 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats 2 cars and a house together, it would be a mess. But I don’t know how to take this on now. He could have told me this 6 months ago when we first found out about this new possibility. But he didn’t, he waited until I poured my heart out to him in apology to dump on me this confession. I can’t look at him right now, and he knows it. I guess I’ll take a few days to process and then decide things. But I’ll probably stay. I love him so much even though this has broken a little part of me I just found again. Oh well. Life will out right? Edit* I get that a lot of people here are invested in this, I understand, it’s fucking nutz. I get that a lot of people are now convinced my husband is some sick sadist, but I genuinely do not believe that to be true. I don’t think he manipulated me for years, I don’t think he gave me the std or cheated before all of that crap happened, I do believe the std came from the koala, why admit to things now if not? Before yeah he felt justified, but now he just thinks he is an idiot for doing what he did. I believe him when he says it was the only time it’s ever happened. And if people think me for a fool that’s ok, I’m processing this all in my own time regardless. But the way I see it, we had a really unfortunate thing happen, and the std planted doubt. And he fucked up. But the way it came out shows me that my husband is dedicated. I’m airing all of my feelings, and this man, who has let this eat at him for years because he genuinely believed I cheated also, finally told me this truth now so that we can have a shot at going forward with nothing between this. He has told me he won’t blame me if I want to leave, he thinks I should think everything through and make my decisions regardless of everything we have together now, he knows that everything would change by telling me that, he didn’t have to and the timing shows me he is genuine, because now he knows that he is the only one here in the wrong. Man, I really skipped over writing about our actual conversation when he confessed, but it wasn’t manipulative at all. It was raw, and ugly, and in no way did he blame me, he only kept repeating “I really thought you cheated” and “I’m a fucking idiot and I’m so sorry.” I am going to take the advice of a few people who have said I should take a break. I’ve asked him to go stay at his parents whilst I think things through and take time. And yes, I did say that cheating was a deal breaker for me, but my actions have shown otherwise, so that’s something I’ve learnt about myself, maybe that was just an ideal that a younger me that viewed the world in black and white held onto. But now I’ve experienced how life has much more to it and I guess now that it’s not the case anymore. Another person said that the stages of grief aren’t linear and it seems as if I’ve started at acceptance, maybe that’s true too. Either way, a break, some hard conversations with a therapist and my own choice, will be the determining factor in the fate of my marriage. &nbsp; Top comment by u/taykittten: “Here’s the bad news–technically, it is possible for koalas to transmit chlamydia to humans. But not the STD. You see, what we call ‘chlamydia’ is just one bacteria of many. Koalas can contract and spread two types of chlamydia–Chlamydia pecorum and Chlamydia pneumoniae. Neither of these is the same bacteria as the sexually-transmitted disease in humans. (That is Chlamydia trachomatis.) C.pecorum is the more common strain in koalas and is responsible for many STD outbreaks. It’s similar to C.trachomatis, but can’t be passed from koalas to humans. However, we can get C.pneumoniae, which is a respiratory infection and not an STD. It’s a very common infection, in fact–50% of people contract it by the age of 20, and 70-80% of us at age 60-70. “ Marking as Inconclusive because OOP has said she believes her husband but has not replied to the above comment. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Did he cheat or did I catch an STD from a Koala???

INCONCLUSIVE

alphacharliejuliett

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15igssy/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/

15iligj

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA7313purple **Girlfriend of five years is spending all her time with new partner** **Originally posted to** r/nonmonogamy **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!physical violence, emotional abuse, manipulation and stalking!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!frustrating but vindicating!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/157xijk/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 23, 2023** TL:DR Needing to vent and get advise on how to handle my GF of five years downgrading me to roommate status So I(28M) met my girlfriend(Clara)(29F) about five years ago and we moved in almost four years ago. Our relationship has always been open and we were free to date whoever and after we moved in we set a few rules, mainly a weekly check-in and dedicated private time for the two of us. The first three years were great and last year we started going to sex clubs together and Clara got to finally experience her first MMMF(gangbang) and that is how she met Gary(30+M). They started seeing each other and it quickly became 4-5 nights a week, several being sleepovers. When Clara cancelled one of our nights together I protested and she said she would make it up but never did. On one of our check-ins I said I was feeling my needs were being neglected and she was spending too much time with Gary, it turned into an argument but she finally promised to be more mindful of our relationship. That lasted about two weeks. A few weeks ago I had a company social function we were invited to, I had RSVP and sent Clara a text reminding her, The day before the event she said couldn’t make it due to a band Gary wanted to go see was in town. When she came home the day after, I blew up and said I was tired of taking care of her share of the chores around the house and being treated like a roommate. It got ugly and she ended up leaving and going to Gary’s apartment. She came home early Monday morning before I left for work and said how she was sorry and we needed to work things out. I told her we needed set some new boundaries and schedules she could abide by and we could talk about it tonight. I left and got half way to work when I got a text asking where all her work clothes were at, I replied in the dirty clothes hamper. I told her I washed all my clothes but I wasn’t going to be her efing maid any longer especially if I had been demoted to roommate. When I got home Clara was fixing dinner, I asked her if she wanted to break up and go live with Gary, that I would understand but I needed to know where we stood. She said she wanted us to stay together and not fight anymore. So I said we needed a schedule and at the very least I wanted two nights in a row with her and a Friday date night every week. She agreed that was fair and we made up and had a good couple of days together until she spent the night at Gary’s house and the next day told me that our agreement wasn’t fair because Gary didn’t have a say in it. I told her if we were going to live together then we needed to have an agreement between us, that I wasn’t interested in having an agreement or dating Gary. If she didn’t want to keep the agreement we made then she needed to find a new roommate and she needed to take care of her cat because I was done taking care of her. Clara wants to talk but I feel Gary is calling all the shots and I just need to know where she stands. Is this even salvageable or is it time to just move on? So I know this is going to come up, but I am seeing other people so it’s not like I’m just sitting home feeling sorry for myself when she is gone. But I need to know if I need to look for someone that can fulfill my needs and I can make life plans with. **~OOP UPDATED A FEW TIMES IN THE COMMENTS~** [COMMENT 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/157xijk/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/jt83lez?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) July 24 Well that was good advice but Clara came home from Gary’s and wanted to talk. She gave me a counter proposal that I won’t even waste time typing out. I asked again if we were through and all the plans we had made were just pipe dreams? She still says she loves me and wants to be with me but she has feelings for Gary as well and I should respect that. I said I think she loves having a roommate and that my needs and feelings don’t matter. So I gave her another deal, if we are going to stay together then we have to fix us without Gary’s influence. I told her she had to cut contact with Gary for a week, no calls, no texts, no nothing and then if we get back to where we were she can start to see Gary again, but only twice during the week and no sleepovers. She said there was no way that would work and it was just me being cruel. I reminded her in a few weeks we were supposed to be in a wedding in North Carolina, our friends want both of us in the wedding party as bridesmaid and groomsman. I told her if we didn’t work things out I wasn’t going which meant that she wasn’t going to be able to go either and she could explain to our friends why we were backing out of the wedding, after already being fitted for tux and gowns. She cried foul and said I was just being mean but I didn’t budge and said the choice was hers but it was final. She wanted to go talk to Gary about it and I said you can call him one more time and talk about it but if she went over there it was to stay and when she came back it would be to get all her stuff because I was tired of trying and getting stepped on. She finally agreed and called Gary to tell him, I didn’t listen but I heard her raise her voice a few times. After, I asked her to block him on her phone and all her social media and told her if I found out they had any contact the deal was off and we were done. I know this sounds controlling and vindictive but it’s the only way I know to get back to where we were and if it doesn’t work we both move on. [COMMENT 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/157xijk/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/jt9xugz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 25, 2023** Clara and I had a productive discussion this morning and we have agreed to couple’s counseling this week. She deleted her Snap and What’s app and showed me her phone and said she had nothing to hide and wanted to be transparent. Gary tried to call me several times this morning and finally sent a text wanting to talk with me. I answered his next call and we argued a little, I told him I thought mu first proposal was more than fair and when he shot that down I felt it was time for a different course of action and told him what Clara and I had talked about. I said Clara is free to walk away from the agreement we made at any time and that it was totally up to her. i told him I thought he was out to break us up and if it was up to me I would veto their relationship right now. He made a bunch of stupid remarks to piss me off so I hung up and blocked him. [COMMENT 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/157xijk/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/jthl7lb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 26, 2023** Clara called me today around lunch time, Gary couldn’t stand being cut off and came to her work to ask her to go to lunch and talk. She refused and he got loud and made a scene, she ended up getting security to remove him from the building. He embarrassed her at work and she is livid, she then had to answer a lot of personal questions to her boss about who he was and more questions about us. When she got home she wanted to call and talk to him, I said that was a bad idea and she said there were things she needed to tell him and said she would do it on speaker so I could hear. So I listened as she called him, she told him coming to her work and embarrassing her was unacceptable. That she needed space to work on our relationship that she had neglected and that now she needed at least two weeks with no contact before they could see each other. He kept trying to talk over her but she shut him down told him if he couldn’t respect her wishes then maybe I was right and she would cut him off permanently, then she hung up the phone. She got off and broke down telling me about the fallout from work, Her boss is making her pay for a window Gary broke as Security was escorting him out and gave her a verbal warning and said if it happened again she would get a letter in her file. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **DaDodsworth** >Honestly hope this is the end of Gary for the both of you. Massive red flags to show up at Clara's work like this. Also wtf is with Clara's boss giving her a verbal warning over a potential abuser coming to her workplace unannounced. **OOP replied** Clara is still extremely agitated about the incident but I don’t know that he is completely done just yet. Let’s just say that That Clara may have taken off her rose colored glasses. It’s been really hard not to pile on and say I told you so or make other disparaging comments about him. Her co-worker said her boss felt like her co-workers and the potential clients that were in the lobby were put at risk and the whole thing was grossly unprofessional. They went from arguing to yelling and when Gary got physical Clara had to get the security guard to escort him off the premises. The subject matter and details that Gary was yelling at the top of his lungs was evidently a bit too scandalous seeing as I had attended many company functions as her plus one and was considered her other half. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/15d0183/update_girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 29, 2023** So a quick recap, Clara, my girlfriend, started dating Gary and was spending almost all her time with him until I threaten to leave and made her block him for a week so we could work on our relationship. He couldn't stand it and showed up at Clara's work and caused a scene because she would go talk with him at lunch and had to be forcibly removed from her workplace. Friday night we had a double date with another couple, dinner followed by one of our favorite bands at a club downtown. Dinner was great and we had a good table reserved at the club, as I'm coming back from the men's room I see Gary who has spotted Clara and making a beeline for her. I got to the table first and told Clara we needed to leave, Gary told Clara he needed to talk to her and I said something like in a week maybe and then he sucker punched me. I got up off the floor and just looked at him and he hit me again, by that time the bouncers had him and were walking him to the door. By the time I got to the door, the cops had him and asked if I wanted to press charges and I said absolutely. I took a selfie to preserve the moment, he bloodied me up pretty good. Needless to say, we didn't stay for the show, Clara drove us home and on the way asked if I was really going the press charges and if maybe it would be better if we just let it go. I said no I was assaulted and he wasn't going to get away with that, by the time we got home my face was swollen and changing colors and when Clara saw my face she just cried. She cleaned me up and got a couple of ice packs for the swelling. She called Gary, which went to voicemail obviously, but she told him off and said he had gone too far and she never wanted to hear from him again, then added we were filling a VPO asap. This morning we talked, mainly about ways to keep this from getting out of hand again. She set some new boundaries for herself and a limit on how long she could spend with a new partner. She set some pretty tight parameters that I won't hold her to because they're not realistic. We have both said some hurtful things in the last few weeks that left some deep wounds but I think we can get past it. If we get back to where we were I'm thinking about asking her to marry me, I know she wants it and thinks it will bind us closer together. But there is some trust that needs to be rebuilt first. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **throwaway2255001** >Honestly I said it in another post. Clara asking you to not press charges would be the final nail in the coffin. If ever a partner said that to me, especially after what specifically had happened to you.. that would be it. >Honestly you ok man? Maybe you should reevaluate your relationship. Really is not cool and I get the sense you are trying to rug sweep the severity of her actions. **OOP replied** >>"Clara asking you to not press charges would be the final nail in the coffin. If ever a partner said that to me, especially after what specifically had happened to you.. that would be it." >The bar was dark and she never got a good look at my face until we got home, by then it had started to swell and turn colors. I don't think she thought I got hurt that bad and when she realized it she did a 180 and unloaded on him, even if it was a voicemail. At first, she said she thought filing charges would make things worse and later she was all for it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Girlfriend of five years is spending all her time with new partner

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15iligj/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/

15ilj9p

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/No-Abroad7722 **WIBTA If I Exposed A 70yr Family Secret?+ 2 year update** **TRIGGER WARNING** >!infidelity, family upheaval!< **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nqmzvc/wibta_if_i_exposed_a_70yr_family_secret/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **June 2, 2021** I (34F) recently came to the realization after multiple ancestral genetic tests, that my grandfather (deceased) was not the biological father of my dad (69M). He's been gone 20+ years now, but grandma (85F) is still alive and well. Dad's bio father is also deceased, but I have found a person I am 99% sure is his half sister (50sF) just 20 minutes away from us- there are at least two more siblings, and I think I found a third a few hours away (we are all very far from where they were born/where their families are from). Dad & grandma have had a strained relationship for years- all of his siblings have. I think he should know the truth, and have the chance to understand WHY my results came back with such a significant percentage of one particular ancestral region, that we had NO inclination of previously, as well as why he doesn't look like any of the rest of his siblings (he STRONGLY resembles the newly assumed bio father). Mom (61F) has forbidden me from telling him, as he's just started to get back on speaking terms with my grandmother. With all the family tension, I know this information could stir up a lot of drama, but I think he has a right to know. I'm aware of the internal conflict it's going to cause when he finds out, but also what an amazing experience it could be to have that open up. Extra background info: I became vaguely aware around high school age of a sibling of mine having been adopted, but mom didn't admit it til I was in my 20s. She denied it to my younger sister (now 31F) and older half brother (now 45M, from dad's first marriage) until I told her I was looking for him. When I thought I found him (now 38M) several years later, she told me she knew where he was (always had), and he didn't want to be contacted. I respected that and dropped it. 6 months later he was standing in her kitchen waiting to meet my children and I. I struggled for almost 15 years with the knowledge I had a brother out there. He was raised by an incredible couple, who I am so thankful for, but I know he struggled a bit with the lack of knowledge for a time as well. She may be his wife, but mom really doesn't know what it's like to question who is out there or where she came from or to be confused about so much of what she believed to be her history, and I think I should tell dad anyway. WIBTA? **VERDICT: NO ASSHOLES HERE** [Update 2 - years later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15d2ma9/update_wibta_if_i_exposed_a_70_yr_family_secret/) **July 29, 2023** It's been about 2 years since my OP I got a couple messages asking for an update, so here goes. Initially, everything was put on hold when C19 tore its way through our homes. When new routines started falling into place, I made an attempt to ask Grandma some direct questions, w/ sensitivity to possible mistreatment in mind as suggested previously. She was adamant there was no malignancy in her home life & after "forgetting" probable bio-grandfather for a while, she returned to her previous claim: they'd dated casually to pass the time, that's all. I asked again about (previously assumed) Grandpa's deployment to Germany; she wouldn't give dates, but reiterated her insistence he was stateside & they were married by Dad's conception. I'm STILL waiting on a response for that DoD/VA record request. A few weeks passed & I'd talked more w/ likely half-aunt. I set aside a time & date w/ grandma to speak candidly & privately (still over the phone, as I work w/ the public & couldn't risk her health by traveling there). She knew what it was about- the "appointment" was actually her idea! Then... SHE FREAKIN DIED THAT EXACT MORNING. Grandma was temporarily in a nursing home while she recovered from a UTI & my aunt was arranging a HHA. The joke now is she just said "you thought you had me LOL" and made her exit. Her funeral came & went w/ lots of (unrelated) drama. Half brother (from dad) & I decided to shelve the matter indefinitely while affairs were sorted & grieving processed. That lasted about a year before a notoriously chaotic cousin of ours, went & did ALL of the DNA tests on the market- while he is an AH in his own right, he's also incredibly intelligent & has undoubtedly put this together by now. My brother & I didn't trust he'd keep the info to himself (especially post funeral drama) & decided it'd be best to get ahead of it. I sat Dad down, told him what I knew, what I believed & info obtained from Grandma before her passing, providing him w/ whatever I had by way of documentation. He paced a bit, fiddled w/ knick-knacks, made a couple "psht... wha?" faces & kinda shrugged it off. He said wasn't sure he believed it or even cared. I made it clear he wasn't required to follow up in ANY way, but if he had questions I'd help him navigate the data. If he decided to test to remove any doubt, I'd get him one & help him sort that, and his (probable) half sister is open to speaking, sharing info & maybe testing privately. That's it. He hasn't brought it up in the 6 months or so since. Mom says he hasn't w/ her either, but no way to truly know. TL;DR: it didn't happen til I felt my hand was forced, & the conclusion thus far was... anticlimactic? Thanks again for everyone's input on my OP. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTA If I Exposed A 70yr Family Secret?+ 2 year update

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ilj9p/wibta_if_i_exposed_a_70yr_family_secret_2_year/

15ilm0s

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Dreygoryn **AITA for Feeding for My Roommate's Hungry Boyfriend?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Racist comments!< **MOOD SPOILER** >!Positive outcome!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15b7u26/aita_for_feeding_for_my_roommates_hungry_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 27, 2023** For the past eight months, my roommate Taylor (24, F) and I (22) have been sharing a flat, and our cohabitation has generally been smooth due to our tendency to keep to ourselves and not have much interaction. Taylor's boyfriend, Tristan, who lives about an hour away from her, comes over for dinner once a week. Throughout these dinner nights, I have never witnessed Taylor and Tristan cooking a fresh homemade meal, as they usually opt for fast food or prepare frozen meals for dinner, and while I hold no judgment towards them for this choice, this detail becomes significant later in the story. About four nights ago, I returned home from work to find Tristan in our kitchen. As I began preparing my own dinner, I struck up a conversation with him. Being from a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern culture, I take pride in my cooking skills, having learned everything from the women in my family. Tristan couldn't help but comment on how incredible the meal smelled. Normally, I don't share my food as I budget my grocery expenses for one person. However, seeing that he appeared genuinely hungry, I decided to offer him some of my food. By the time Taylor joined us in the kitchen, he was already on his second plate. After Tristan explained the situation to her, Taylor gave me a side-eye but remained silent, proceeding to cook some frozen chicken nuggets for herself. As they engaged in conversation, I continued cleaning up my dishes, minding my own business. Later, Tristan asked if he could have the recipe so that he could share it with his mom and she could try cooking the same dish. I suggested that I would message Taylor later about it. At this point, Taylor made a sarcastic comment about the meal being so good that even a picky eater like Tristan enjoyed it. Trying to maintain a lighthearted atmosphere, I attributed the deliciousness to my mama's cooking. In a semi-joking manner, Tristan then suggested that I cook for all three of them sometime, offering to pay for the meal and even bring free wine. We all shared a laugh, but Taylor seemed visibly disturbed by the idea and expressed that she wasn’t interested in my cultural dishes (despite never having tasted them). Brushing off her slightly racist comment, I responded that once someone gets past the initial smell, the dishes taste heavenly. Tristan agreed. Unexpectedly, Taylor became very upset and started scolding her boyfriend for enjoying my "smelly food," suggesting that from then on, we two should have dinner together. She stormed off to her room, and Tristan followed her after apologizing to me. Since that incident, Taylor has started doing things she previously agreed not to do, such as tying up garbage bags and leaving them in the kitchen instead of properly disposing of them. Before I confront Taylor about her recent actions, I want to know if I am in the wrong in this situation. AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **DiscussionExotic3759** >NTA. You were being kind and polite. What'd you make and would you share the recipe with us? **OOP replied** >Of course! I made Sultan’s Delight. It is a Turkish dish made with lamb stew served over an eggplant-bechamel sauce. Unfortunately, I can only share the overall ingredients and the process as I don't use measurements but eye them and change some things according to taste but you can find plenty of recipes online. **OOP's RECIPE** >It more or less goes like this, hope it doesn’t sound too complicated. For the stew you need chopped lamb meat (You can use cow or chicken too but traditionally its lamb), and cooking oil, I usually use one yellow onion, two red peppers, and one tomato, (But I do occasionally change the quantity based on the size of the ingredients) tomato paste and seasonings. (Salt, pepper, and cumin). For the sauce, you need eggplants, milk, butter, flour, and cheese. >First, the eggplants are roasted in the oven or on the stove until charred. Once roasted, peel off the skin and chop the eggplants. >In a pan, heat oil and add flour. Stir them together. >Add the chopped eggplants to the pan and mash them well. >Lower the heat and slowly add milk to the eggplant mixture while stirring constantly. >Mix everything thoroughly. >Next, add shredded cheese and turn off the heat. Keep stirring until the cheese is fully incorporated, and the "beğendi" is ready. >In a separate pan, add some oil and heat it up. >Once the pan is hot, add the meat and cook until it releases and absorbs its juices. >Add finely chopped onions and peppers to the meat and continue cooking until they are softened. >When they are cooked, add tomato paste and mix it in. >After the tomato paste, add deseeded and chopped tomatoes to the pan. >Add around 1.5-2 cups of water, cover the pan, and cook until the meat is fully cooked. >After it's cooked, season it with salt, black pepper, and cumin. (If you have tough meat, you can use a pressure cooker to cook it first. You can achieve the same taste by adding the meat broth instead of water while cooking.) >To serve, place the "beğendi" on the serving dish and place the meat on top. Enjoy! [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15cunbb/update_aita_for_feeding_for_my_roommates_hungry/) **July 29, 2023** So, after having a very long talk, Taylor and I managed to make up. I confronted her about her outburst towards me and the neglect of house chores, but I tried to keep my tone softer than intended, seeing that she looked pretty depressed. During our conversation, I learned that Tristan had been pressuring her to learn cooking from his mother and online to make their dinners more enjoyable. She explained that she was trying, but her busy schedule with work and school made it hard to find time for cooking lessons. Last week, for the first time ever, she attempted to cook something for their weekly dinner (I wasn't at home, so I didn't know), but unfortunately, it ended up burnt and with other mistakes. She felt awful about not being able to cook, and after our incident, she felt hurt by Tristan appreciating my food instead of being understanding about her struggles. Taylor mentioned that she wasn't necessarily jealous of me, but she felt like Tristan didn't care about her feelings when he kept complimenting my cooking despite knowing her insecurities on this topic. She apologized for blowing up on me and acknowledged that her actions with neglecting chores just to annoy me were wrong. During our conversation, she mentioned that she finds my food to be smelly, and the kitchen retains the food odor for a long time after cooking. I assured her that I would take measures to minimize the lingering smells by opening windows while cooking and using air fresheners afterward to neutralize any strong odors. I also offered to teach her a few simple recipes when she has some spare time, hoping it would make her feel better about cooking. I emphasized the importance of cooking for herself and her well-being rather than just for her boyfriend, as her current eating habits weren't healthy for her body. I even offered to show her my meal prep routine, which would allow her to spend less time cooking and still have food ready in the fridge when she gets home. In the end, I believe we are on good terms now. I want to thank everyone for their comments and support throughout this situation. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for Feeding for My Roommate's Hungry Boyfriend?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ilm0s/aita_for_feeding_for_my_roommates_hungry_boyfriend/

15iogq6

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/stefan_stuetze in r/Finanzen** Mood Spoiler ->!Extreme financial incompetence!< Note: translated from the original language (German) by DeepL, I made a few corrections here and there to improve readability. Mistakes or strange expressions may still be present. # I give up: my sister's absurd "investments" Source: https://unterschichtblog.blogspot.com/2022/11/ich-gebe-auf-die-absurden-investments.html, deleted from reddit. 25/11/2022 Hey hey, when you grow up in the educationally deprived class, you experience multiple financial missteps that would neatly trigger the average BWL-Justus (TN: roughly equivalent to finance bro), but my sister has now taken the cake and I am no longer willing to help her family financially in any way. Her family: * Sister, 35, hotel employee until the end of 2020, briefly part-time in between, Hartz 4 (TN: long-term unemployment) from March * Nephew, Kyle-Jeremy, name slightly changed, 6, child * Brother-in-law, 25, cook. ## Her "online business" Let's start chronologically. Around Christmas, I think 2018, I'm going home for Christmas by train. I'm living on student loans at the time, saving for the ticket since October. Sister hints all day that she now has money. Father senses money and asks about it. Sister tells me that she now deals in iPads. I think to myself, she will probably buy them semi-legally somewhere and make a little profit with it, I don't care. At some point she says: "We'll soon buy a BMW and you have to wait for the 1st to change the bicycle tube, hahahaha". Her husband just looks sad. The newly trained chef certainly can't afford a BMW. Her actual business was even more stupid than I could have ever imagined. My dumb sister managed to sign up for eight (8!!!!) cell phone contracts. Using fantasy names, on Kyle-Jeremy, on her husband, on "Sitser" instead of sister, you get the gist. She then probably peddled the resulting iPads on Facebook. Then used the good reviews to sell more, imaginary iPads. Several charges of fraud and forgery were filed. Debts today: 25,000 €. ## Her "stock trade" The year is 2020. The 2002 BMW is in front of my parents' house when I arrive. Sister and brother-in-law, taking up four chairs in pairs, sit across from my parents. Four people are smoking, Kyle-Jeremy is sitting on the floor playing. It's about money. I don't even listen to the pitch, tell mom and dad they absolutely cannot invest in whatever is proposed to them. The silliest episode of Dragons' Den follows, and I'm Jenny Campbell. "We're buying Tesla stock now" "How much is it?" "Couple of thousand" "Did you?" "Nah, but we know where to get it. Return boxes. 40 €, sometimes there are laptops and iPhones in there." "Really?" Mother looks up, "Yeah, I saw that on Facebook once, a woman had a PS5 in it." "Yeah, we only need €40. Or enough for two. So... that would be 80. Or 3, so... well only 3 x 40." "Yeah, and if only one of them is full of iPhones we can buy stock." The four of them pool their money and have just enough for a return box. The 40 € are completely lost, nothing can be sold. ## Rebuy I will warn you, now it gets depressing. So far I have always had some sympathy for my sister. She had no luck with the parental home, had a hard time in school, had stupid friends. The debt load is enormous and the family income is so low that they will never pay back even one percent of it. I've bought little things for Kyle-Jeremy every now and then, filled their fridge once in a while, and always tried to counsel. But now enough is enough. Christmas. The same thing as always. Sister and brother-in-law buy the child something that they can't afford and that is actually for themselves. The presents are given together with our parents and me. The child gets an Amazon Echo. What the hell is the kid supposed to do with it? They "play" with it for five minutes, the kid tells Alexa something, Alexa responds, you laugh briefly, fun over, now the parents can be even lazier. I give the child a few child-friendly books that I read at his age. Mostly used, are books I buy for myself also mostly. While Kyle-Jeremy is flipping through the beautiful, illustrated, older edition of "Kleiner König Kalle Wirsch," my favorite book from preschool, a dried leaf falls out of it. I get nostalgic because I think of the time when I myself dried beautiful maple leaves in books to impress the science teacher. My sister gets upset that I give her son "such used junk". While the presents are still being given, she pulls out her husband's cell phone and scans the barcodes. I ask what's up with that, give the books to the kid. Sister says, he can read them at Christmas and between the days "when they are through" she can send them to Rebuy. Value of goods: < 10 euros. My heart breaks. I'm still going back to my one-room place on Christmas Eve. Sorry Kyle-Jeremy, I'm done with your family. # Sister bought four cubic meters of “return boxes”, is there anything left to save? Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Finanzen/comments/13vrao4/schwester_hat_vier_kubikmeter_retourenkisten/?ref=share&ref_source=link. 30/05/2023 I've already reported here about my sister's absurd investments, and also about the fact that she and her husband are really digging in to pay off their debts. As far as that is concerned, the two of them seem to be doing almost everything right and are paying off the debts consolidated thanks to the debt advisor really well every month. Sister has just increased her hours from 20 to 30, and the extra income goes almost entirely into paying off the debt. Unfortunately, the dream of quick money and, as they call it, "passive income" is probably still there and therefore they have done something really stupid: The two have bought from a wholesaler boxes of returned packages (like lootboxes, but IRL). In total there are 3 euro pallets stacked about 130 cm high. For this they borrowed 5000 € over three years, at 12% interest. To top it all off, they rented a small storage room to store the stuff. Cost: 39 € per month. I've already given up trying to explain that the storekeepers will surely check beforehand if there are any high-value electronic devices that have been returned, but my sister sees a TikTok video in which such a box contains ten iPhones and all reason flies out the window. "Yeah, if only one box is full of iPhones or PlayStations, it's already worth it!" The seller was even clever enough to include a delivery bill with an item that says "checked for electrical equipment" and left it unchecked. Real professional conmen. Now there are these three pallets in the storage room, for months, interest and rent accruing, only one of the boxes was even opened, as expected it was full of clothes and used cell phone cases and other junk, but somewhere the ten iPhones could be hidden. Now I chatted with the brother-in-law, listen, I say, can't you at least store the stuff in your basement and save the rent? No, he says, we're going to set it up really big soon and we'll need the storage space. Or, have you guys ever calculated whether you wouldn't make a lot more money if you just worked a few more hours? My sister works in a grocery store and earns a solid 14 euros an hour. No, instead she prefers to take the bus through half of Cologne from time to time to then briefly rummage around in the boxes in the storeroom, sell NOTHING (they really haven't advertised a single item yet), and go home again. Then I explained that the income is not passive, because they have to advertise every item, and sometime maybe ship, and manage the warehouse, and the returns of the returns and so on, and that it is actually no income, if you just pay on it, but against the TikTok scammers and Facebook hustlers I can't do anything to convince them. They also just don't understand that the mail order companies only sell the boxes because the calculated value of the goods is too low to make a profit. Such an attitude, according to my sister, ensures that I will remain an employee forever. I can already see my brother-in-law tossing and turning all night long, after the long shifts as a big cook, and every rainbow fidget spinner, every used vibrator and every Captain America cell phone case being laboriously advertised on eBay. Is there anything I can do to help, or do I just leave the family WhatsApp group and leave them to their madness? Actually, I'm really proud of their progress, but such actions make me doubt their sanity again and again. # Update: Sister bought four cubic meters of “return boxes”, is there anything left to save? Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Finanzen/comments/15cn5jh/update_schwester_hat_vier_kubikmeter/?ref=share&ref_source=link. 29/07/2023 So, after coming back from Cologne last night, where I spent the last two weeks ironing out my sister's latest fail, I wanted to give you an update here. For those who don't feel like a long wall of text, the TL/DR: Of the original "investment" of my sister and brother-in-law of 5000 € we could still save approximately 2200 €. 2800 € and easily 100 working hours are simply gone. Most expensive item: LEGO 76223 Marvel Ironman glove (69 €) Average gross value of saleable goods: 13.29 € Expected net value Ebay: 600 € Expected net value classifieds / private sales: 1600 € Number of iPhones and PlayStations: Surprise, 0. Could TikTok have lied?! From the beginning: I had some vacation time left which I had to use up between two jobs and, stupid as I am, I went to Cologne during that time. The situation had made me a little stomach ache, because I knew that they would have to continue paying the warehouse rent and the credit debts, and I assumed that my sister hadn't done too much yet. I guess I underestimated her. I get to the storage room, and lo and behold, absolutely NOTHING happened. Exactly the same boxes were open as before, and in front of me the same massive mountain of junk and trash and odds and ends. Then first met my brother in law alone and talked to him in conscience, boy, you do not do that anyway, especially not "on a grand scale", and the bill just does not add up, let us at least cancel the storage room. Brother-in-law shows understanding and we cancel the room at the end of the month. At least 39 € a month less wasted. Then, the real work. My god. The things that people buy. After the first box, I wanted to throw in the towel and had a bit of a mental crisis. I've already mentioned cell phone cases and rainbow fidget spinners, but a good 50% of the stuff was completely unusable. Visibly worn clothes, food and preparations, a 36 cm double dildo... The stuff is immediately sorted out and thrown away, the old clothes container fattened like a fat guy at the Chinese buffet. Everything that somehow has an EAN (European article number) and is easy to hawk on ebay, I have advertised and taken home because I have an ebay account with good ratings and do not trust my sister with the fulfillment. That's a value of goods of about 800 €, but of which easily a quarter for shipping, fees and subsequent price corrections goes down the drain. So 600 € for me, for two weeks of work. Cool. The rest they put in classifieds. I made it as easy as possible for them, sorted everything by product groups, numbered the boxes, and created an Excel list with a sequential ID showing the box number, which I printed out for them to check off. Jeremy-Kyle is getting a few more smaller gifts, some stationery for him was also included (btw, what reason is there to return a stack of regular college pads, please?). Then yesterday morning I ordered a colleague who has a pallet truck and a van, drove all the junk across Cologne, dragged it down to the basement, sorted the boxes and put them on the shelves. After two weeks among trash, kitsch and garbage, I then drive home, enlightened from the realization that our highways and waterways are full so that Uwe, mid-thirties manchild, can buy a LEGO figure from his favorite superhero movie and get it the next day. Somewhere, we must have taken a wrong turn.... **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I give up: my sister's absurd "investments"

CONCLUDED

Raikhyt

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15iogq6/i_give_up_my_sisters_absurd_investments/

15irxen

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/symphoneeofmusic **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!inappropriate behavior of an older adult, sexual comments!< mood spoilers: >!tension, revelation, relief!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for sleeping top naked in my bedroom?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hlqn2c/aita_for_sleeping_top_naked_in_my_bedroom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, July 05, 2020 My mom (38F) and I (18F) live in a crummy apartment complex in NYC. Our apartment itself isn’t crummy; we’ve taken a lot of pride in making the inside of our apartment look nicer than it really is, but truth be told the building is crummy. So much so that the radiator in my room is broken, and I get heat every day of the year, even in summer. I prefer not to open my windows during summer as well because all types of questionable creepy-crawlies like to come through the window, so I usually sleep on top of the covers or without pants. Last night it was too hot, so I slept without a shirt or bra. I have pretty huge boobs. It’s no secret. But I was in the comfort of my bedroom, and I keep my door closed when I sleep. This morning I woke up to find my mom staring at me. She scared me shitless, especially because I have a loft bed and was making direct eye contact with her as soon as I opened my eyes. She stood there and screamed at me for 20 minutes, telling me to put a shirt on and calling me a ruthless whore for sleeping without a shirt while her boyfriend was here. I put a pillow in front of my body and closed my eyes to go back to sleep. This wasn’t good enough, and she ripped the pillow from my arms and told me to put on some clothes before her boyfriend came in here and saw me like this. I told her I keep my door closed for a reason, and if she’s worried about her boyfriend bothering me, that’s more telling of her boyfriend, not me. She was absolutely seething and told me I’m to live under her rules while I’m in her house, and that includes not being trashy and sleeping with some clothes on. I figured she was being ridiculous, but her boyfriend heard the commotion, ended up coming into the room to get her (without knocking mind you), and left me flailing to find a sheet to cover with. He was kind of eyeing me and told me my mom was right, and I need to sleep with clothes on. I’m having a hard time understanding, am I really an asshole here? **EDIT:** No, I can’t lock my door. She won’t allow me to replace the doorknob with one that comes with a lock. **EDIT 2:** Please stop messaging me asking me to see my breasts. People are asking me what mentioning the size of my boobs had to do with the post, and it was one of the arguments my mother made for me to wear a shirt. Yes, in hindsight, it doesn’t come into play, but I was annoyed when I wrote the post and rethinking the entire situation. For those calling this fake, saying I’d die under the conditions I’m describing, and to “just get window screens,” that doesn’t help when the heat outside is so thick and gross. It’s just extra hot air, not to mention unpredictable rain storms that I have to constantly close the window for anyway. Additionally, I have a phobia of bugs, and the screens don’t seem to stop cockroaches and spiders. Thank you to everyone messaging me with helpful tips. It’s hard to respond to everyone, but I see and appreciate your help. I’ll be purchasing a door stop soon, as well as find time to discuss with my mom what her blowup was about. We have a pretty decent relationship outside of this, which is why this shocked me and had me confused as to whether I was wrong or not. ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; [**UPDATE: AITA for sleeping top naked in my room?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i81zi9/update_aita_for_sleeping_top_naked_in_my_bedroom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, Aug 11, 2020 Hi, everyone! I wanted to give an update on the situation since a lot of people were really concerned for me. After the whole debacle, I did purchase a wedge for under my door from Walmart. It worked, and I didn’t have any more issues with waking up to people in my face. I used the excuse that it was to keep our cat from opening my door at night, and my mom seemed fine with that. While E was here and even after he was gone, my mom seemed detached and sort of out of it. I asked if everything was okay, and she said she needed to sort out some feelings first but she promised we’d talk when she was better. I said okay and left it at that. A couple of days later, E came back for another weekend stay. The day after he came, they had an at-home date night with drinks and fancy takeout, and that night I woke up to my door being messed with. I called out to see if it was my mom and got no response. I pulled on a t-shirt and shorts and pulled the door wedge out to check, and E was standing at my door. He was drunk, and I was a bit panicked because I thought something had happened to my mom and he needed help, but he just stood there for a few seconds without saying anything. He didn’t seem to be sleepwalking or in peril, so I said, “I’m uncomfortable, I’m closing my door.” Before I could close the door all the way, my mom flew out of her room, saw him, and started cussing and screaming, telling him he needed to leave. They argued back and forth for a while, but eventually, she got him out the door. After calming her down, I took her to her room, and we had a talk. It turns out, the day she had come into my room, she had been on his phone and saw he was talking to his brother-in-law about me in very disgusting ways, talking about how I was growing up to be very shapely and mature, and that he couldn’t wait until I moved out so he could dump my mother for me. He said far more explicit things that were all extremely worrying, especially since we’ve known him since I was 11. My mom had come to tell me to be careful around him while she thought of a way to break it off safely, but when she saw my state, she had some misplaced anger. He’s out of our lives now, thankfully. I want to say thanks to everyone for all the suggestions and recommendations, and even those who suggested my mom could be abusive (I plan to talk to her about her other ideals/behaviors soon). Sarcastic thanks and genuinely big “FUCK YOUs” to those who sent me crude messages. I’m just glad the situation is over. **TL;DR:** Boyfriend was actually a creep, Mom had misplaced anger. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for sleeping top naked in my bedroom?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15irxen/aita_for_sleeping_top_naked_in_my_bedroom/

15izx8t

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/lolwhyamisodumbsmh **in** r/tifu. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* Content Warning: >!Crass language and sexual references!< Mood Spoilers: >!Romantic progression, funny, happy ending!< --- &nbsp; [**TIFU by not knowing that the guy I like works on the same floor as me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/acyy54/tifu_by_not_knowing_that_the_guy_i_like_works_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, Jan 05, 2019 Happened yesterday and still feel like I wanna die. Btw I'm 19F and he's 21M. It all started when a Teaching Assistant for one of my classes got sick, and they got someone else to fill in for a lecture. The guy they got to fill in was a fumbling mess but dammit he was also so cute. I did some light stalking afterward and found out he has a blog, and it was one of the most wholesome and funny things I had read in a while. He's a total nerd that's very attractive, and I'm so into that!! One time I was studying in the library and saw that he took a seat near mine, so I struck up a conversation with him, and it went so great! We talked for hours, and I got no work done. Anyway, I work in a research lab on campus part-time. This past week, my PI was still out on vacation, but my mentor had full access to the lab, so I was free to do my experiments unbothered. One of my close friends also works in the same lab as me, so we've been having a blast just hanging in a basically empty lab. It was about 4:00 pm yesterday when we decided to go out into the hallway to just chill for a bit and eat some snacks. One of the doors to another lab that we were standing close to was open, but we didn't think too much about it since the entire floor was really deserted (basically, everyone was still on holiday). We were talking about this guy she's seeing when she asked me if anything new happened between me and the "awkward dude who guest lectured." I told her about what happened in the library, and she started drilling me about his facial expressions and how close he was sitting to analyze if he was into me. We were saying things like "I feel like at least one time his eyes dropped down to my lips" or "Did he stare at you for longer than 5.7 seconds? Because if it was, he for sure wants to fuck you." It was all for shits and giggles. Then me, being the crass unfiltered person I am, went and said, "I would even let him fuck me in the ass if he wanted to..." and we both burst out into laughter. **Disclaimer:** I was kidding. Then, out of nowhere, I hear footsteps coming out of the opened door next to me, and both me and my friend whip around to look. Lo and behold, to my terror, the guy I like walks out of the door, gives us a barely concealed shocked look and says, "Hey, you guys might wanna just keep it down a little bit." Then he winks at me, goes back inside but leaves the door open. I gave my friend the most mortified look, and she mouths, "holy shit that's him," and I straight up bolt down the hallway and flee down the stairs with my friend chasing behind me until I reach the outside of the building where I promptly collapse onto a bench. My friend comforted me amidst many fits of laughter while I died slowly due to the sheer embarrassment I brought onto myself. She also searched up the name of the lab that is literally three down from ours, and sure enough, he's listed under "Our Team". This guy does not have a LinkedIn or fb status saying he works there. I've never even seen him in the hallways, ever. Do I think he heard everything I said? Yes. Does his lack of any reaction worry me? Very much so. Do I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it? 100%. **TL;DR:** Did not know that my crush worked in the lab that is literally 15ft. from mine. Loudly said, "I would even let him fuck me in the ass if he wanted to..." to my friend right in front of his open door and other expletives. He heard. --- &nbsp; [**Update: I fucked up by not knowing the guy I like works on the same floor as me and telling my friend loudly that, "he could fuck me in the ass."**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/b77hvn/tifu_update_i_fucked_up_by_not_knowing_the_guy_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, March 30, 2019 Two months ago, I messed up. I was infatuated with this super cute guy who came in and guest lectured for one of my classes. I ended up realizing, not in a way that I wanted to at all, that he actually works three labs down from the lab I work at. Basically, most of the floor was on holiday, and my close friend and I were hanging around the hallway, joking about my crush on this guy when I said, "I would even let him fuck me in the ass if he wanted to..." He overheard, came out and told me and my friend to be quiet, then winked at me. I was so mortified. I didn't come back to the lab until winter break was over, hoping that the large influx of people would somehow prevent me from ever seeing him again. That didn't happen. On my first day back, I was in the break room making some toast when he walks in. "Oh fuck," I had thought knowing that a confrontation was probably inevitable and that I ought to apologize for my crass comment. But instead, I frantically looked away and focused on putting peanut butter on my toast because if I do that, he can't see me right? That didn't happen again. Instead, he came up right next to me, smiled, and said "Hey [my name], how was your break?" I looked up awkwardly and told him it was fine, mainly just stayed on campus and worked at the lab. He told me that he basically did the same but went to see his family for a couple of days. He didn't bring up what happened either thank god. Then he said something along the lines of, "Is that all you're having for lunch?" and I was like, "Uhm yeah, I was in a rush and forgot to pack something." Then he said, "Oh, I was gonna go grab something to eat at [a sandwich place near us], do you wanna come with?" I was like what the fuck, that smooth fucker. I tried not reading into it and brushed it off as him being nice, so I said sure, and we went. Well. We ended up having a great lunch. Inevitably, as we were on our way back, he finally made a crack and was like, "So tell me, after our lunch today, how many seconds do you think I spent staring at you?" I literally just looked at him blankly with my jaw dropped before he chuckled out, "It has to be longer than six seconds at a time right? That has to mean I like you." (By the way, what he said was a reference to what my friend and I were talking about that day when he overheard). Even with my shock, I managed to laugh and make a wise crack back at him. Well, tomorrow is our one month anniversary! We have not done the butt stuff. He told me after a couple of weeks that although he appreciated my comment, he's not into putting his dick in buttholes. Looks like I will be retaining my butt virginity, and I managed to get a super cute, intelligent, and kind boyfriend out of this whole ordeal. **TL;DR:** Despite my mess-up, it all worked out. We're celebrating one month together tomorrow! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I fucked up by not knowing the guy I like works on the same floor as me and telling my friend loudly that, "he could fuck me in the ass"

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15izx8t/i_fucked_up_by_not_knowing_the_guy_i_like_works/

15j0p8u

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/throwradontknow2 *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!hurt, anger, betrayal, heartbreak, hope!< --- &nbsp; **Original post and first update submitted to** r/relationship_advice. [**My (33m) wife (32f) said her ex’s name while we were having sex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i6li7j/my_33m_wife_32f_said_her_exs_name_while_we_were/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, Aug 09, 2020 My wife and I have been married for 4 years, and we have a 2-year-old. We dated on and off for 3 years before getting married. Last night, she said her ex’s name while we were having sex. She gave some weird excuse as to why. She said it’s a common name (it is a very common name) and must have heard it recently?? I wasn’t going to start a big argument with her at that time. It has since gotten me worried about why she did that. For some background, this was a guy she was with for a couple of years before I met her. They met in college and were serious for some time. They had broken up when I met her and decided they were better as friends. They were friends for years before they dated. We started dating, but he remained in the picture. He was her best friend first and foremost, and I grudgingly went along with it for her. Several months passed, and I put my foot down, saying it’s too uncomfortable for me. There was some resistance, but she steps back from him. Every time we broke up, she was with him. We finally reconciled and got engaged. He apparently didn’t know this and stopped talking to her. She was devastated, which should have been a red flag. We talked about it, and she was happy to have chosen me. Now, after what has happened, I’m tempted to see if she’s gotten back in contact with him again. I know she’s checked in on his social media because I saw the searches on the laptop. She doesn’t know I know that. I don’t think she’d cheat, but this guy was always different for her. Do I just confront her? Do I start going through her phone? Or am I being paranoid? **TL;DR:** Wife says an ex’s name while we’re having sex, now I question what’s going on. Should I be looking into if she’s cheating? &nbsp; [**[UPDATE]My (33m) wife (32f) said her ex’s name while we were having sex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i8it65/updatemy_33m_wife_32f_said_her_exs_name_while_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, Aug 12, 2020 Thank you, everyone, for your help and advice. I did my investigating before talking to her. I went through his social media first, but nothing explicitly saying anything was going on. There were a few mentions of “his love” in some comments, but that could mean anything. I did look at the phone bill, and there looks to be calls with him pretty regularly. On to hers, I was able to get on her phone when she was asleep. (She must have forgotten I knew the code) Nothing in texts and no weird calls. (So she deleted them) I did find some apps she tried to keep “hidden” like Snapchat and Kik. Sure enough, there’s their conversations. And pictures. (I took pictures of all of it on my phone to have as proof) She exploded when we had the conversation and left with our child to her mother's. I contacted a lawyer and am in the process of a divorce and figuring out custody. I’m heartbroken and am more angry than anything else. I’m angry at her, but I’m also angry at myself for dismissing so many red flags. ETA: The conversations I found were confirming they were having an affair. The pictures were ones they were exchanging, including nudes. --- &nbsp; ***The remaining updates were submitted to*** r/survivinginfidelity [**I keep getting updates about my ex from everyone**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/j7j5us/i_keep_getting_updates_about_my_ex_from_everyone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, Oct 08, 2020 I was married to my wife for about 4 years, and we have a 2-year-old. My wife was cheating on me for quite a while with her best friend. I found out after some digging. (Note: the child is mine) We had our blowout almost 2 months ago, and shortly after that, she moved in with this guy. I’ve stood my ground and am not letting our child go there. I thought there’d be more of a huge fight, but I’ve had our child primarily, and I’m so grateful for it. Nothing is finalized in any way yet, but I am just doing my best day to day. I cry every day in the shower, but having my child helps more than I could ever express. I’ve been no contact with my wife for many reasons since this all started. People love to update me on her. People that knew us, people that were even just my friends. They see something on social media and think I need to know everything. I’ve tried to say that I don’t need to know. It’s been creating more chaos for me emotionally. It makes me angry more than anything. One of those good people screenshot some posts/comments on social media, which I can’t seem to find myself. Maybe it’s been deleted. Anyway, she’s pregnant. I hope to God it isn’t true, but I got this stupid screenshot of a post he put up with a pregnancy test. What the actual hell?!?! This heartless woman seems to keep stabbing my heart and tearing it into more pieces without any care. I cannot believe I married her. I cannot believe she would be this careless. And why do people keep sending me all these updates?!? I just want to divorce her and take care of my child. I’m rambling and so pissed I nearly punched a hole in my wall. I needed to vent and say somewhere what an absolute horrible human being she is. &nbsp; [**She’s already moved on, even from our child?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/jpykoi/shes_already_moved_on_even_from_our_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, Nov 07, 2020 Some time has passed, but I’m just as hurt and angry as day one. The day I found that my wife was cheating on me with her “best friend” who is a guy. My priority remains to be my 2-year-old child. I initially said he could not be anywhere near my child. I have since had to relent because of my lawyer’s direction. When I kicked her out of our home, she went to him. She has since moved in with him. I still have to figure out co-parenting with her. For the record, I have my child most of the time. My STBX has been okay with that. It bothers me, but I’m also relieved. Shouldn’t she want to be with her child? I don’t know if she’s too busy with that “new life” or what, but I’m not going to rock that boat. I’ve cut out anyone trying to give me play-by-plays of her life. I blocked all her social media and been no contact. I’m still just as hurt. I feel like our relationship was a complete lie. She’s already moved on. Does anyone have tips on navigating co-parenting? &nbsp; [**Is this when I celebrate?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/k61f7a/is_this_when_i_celebrate/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, Dec 03, 2020 **NB:** *AP - Affair Partner* Since my ex is in a hurry to have her life with her AP, we are now divorced. I’ve also gotten primary custody of our child. She didn’t fight it at all. She didn’t even seem to care. There is a schedule for her to have our child, but I won’t hold my breath. I’m happy to be past this stage, but I’m so sad for my child (who is 2). I can only hope I can do enough that they don’t recognize their mother ignoring them. I plan to keep her social media blocked. I will admit I peeked recently, and it was all her and her AP. It’s disgusting. I do hope that falls apart for her. I’m still angry about that part. I need to keep telling myself she isn’t my problem anymore. My focus for now is my child and myself. &nbsp; [**My selfish narcissistic ex wife strikes again**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/l07xcz/my_selfish_narcissistic_ex_wife_strikes_again/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, Jan 19, 2021 I feel like things have settled more. My child and I have gotten a good routine going. I only text my ex-wife regarding our child. She allowed me to have primary custody, and even though I reach out to remind her, she’s not seen our child. Therapy has been a godsend in helping me navigate it. Imagine my surprise when I receive a text from her over the weekend saying she will be stopping by. I thought wow, she might actually use this weekend. Now I hate she lives with her AP, but I’m not going to impede my child’s time with their mother. She comes, and I’m expecting her to pick our child up. No, she’s literally stopping by. The reason? She wanted to tell our child in person that she’s having a baby and they will have a little brother or sister. I can’t help but think she’s thinking she’s hurting me with this news. Anyway, she says she’s busy and has to go. That’s it. I was furious but kept it together and let her leave without saying a thing. We went about our day, and I doubt I will hear from her much. It only hurts me because of how unfair this is to my child. I’m still waiting for that relationship to implode, which I hope is soon. &nbsp; [**Slowly finding peace**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/n0o120/slowly_finding_peace/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, April 28, 2021 Feel free to read my profile for background. Basically, my now ex-wife left me and our child for her AP with whom she is expecting. Since that last disaster of a visit from her, she has had zero contact with our child. I am not standing in the way, but she has no interest. It breaks my heart, but my child doesn’t need a narcissist in their life. I have resolved to get out and enjoy nature more. I have some camping trips planned with my kid. I got all I needed to take them hiking with me too. We have done some already, and it’s been enjoyable. I’m still in the gym, and therapy has been a huge help. Thankfully I can work from home. I don’t try to keep up with her much, but I will hear things. She still lives with him, and they are engaged now. Rumor has it that he has been seen at the local bars more often complaining about the stress she’s causing. One of my friends bartends and has heard him himself. I am at a point where I don’t care, but it feels good. &nbsp; [**The AP of my narcissistic ex wife contacted me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/r6qb4o/the_ap_of_my_narcissistic_ex_wife_contacted_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, Dec 01, 2021 I’ve been away from Reddit mainly to focus on my life with my child. There’s no real update on her interest in our child. I have not prevented anything, but she’s yet to come around. Last I updated, she was expecting with her AP. I received a DM from this AP. She had their baby. This wasn’t the reason for the DM, though. He found she’s cheating on him. Shocking, I know. This guy has the audacity to turn to me for advice. I haven’t responded. I do recognize that his child and mine are half-siblings. I do not want to block anything in that respect. However, I am not interested in helping him out either. Things have been settled in my life. My child is happy, and I’ve been feeling better than I have in a long time. I do not want to get sucked back into her nonsense. Anyways, I wanted to update I’m well and finding some peace. &nbsp; [**The process of moving on from my ex wife and giving my child everything**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/vlfvfa/the_process_of_moving_on_from_my_ex_wife_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, Jun 26, 2022 I know it has been some time since I have posted any update. Life has been busy and still is for me. However, I hope others can read my previous posts and this and see there can be hope. It has been months since I have had any contact with my ex-wife. I honestly don’t know what she’s doing or where she is living. She could even be in a different state at this point. I do keep sending the reminders of when it is her turn to spend time with our toddler, but she hasn’t responded to any of those in a long time. As for my life, I recently moved to a different city but the same state. I wanted somewhere further from her drama. I felt like where I was living had too many men she had been with, to put it bluntly. My child has been doing great, and we have been regularly going camping along with zoo trips and other places. I have gone on a few dates, but nothing came of any. I don’t think I was looking for anything serious, just to test out dating again. I don’t know if I can say I’m past it all, but I can say I have zero feelings towards her. Moving on still feels ongoing for me. &nbsp; [**Moving on from horrible ex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/zattwd/moving_on_from_horrible_ex/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Fri, Dec 02, 2022 My post history gives the rundown of my situation if anyone is interested. Basically, my now ex-wife abandoned our child to live her own life. I took the advice of this sub and filed for abandonment. Things are good in my life. My kid is happy, and it’s all that matters. I’m not dating, but I may change my mind on it. My ex has been on a downward spiral since we divorced. She had another child and left them. She’s with some other new guy from what I have heard. I also heard she’s been using drugs regularly. All in all, I am thankful to be away from her. I still grieve my old life, but I feel hopeful for the future again. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My (33m) wife (32f) said her ex’s name while we were having sex

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15j0p8u/my_33m_wife_32f_said_her_exs_name_while_we_were/

15j1xdx

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Same_File_502. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and his own page. **Mood Spoiler:** >!decent ending!< **Original** [**Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15bji43/aita_for_saying_that_i_was_hurt_that_i_wasnt/)**: July 27, 2023** I (28M) used to have a friend group of about 10 people back when we were in middle and highschool then college happened and we all drifted apart. Nothing happened to make us drift apart, Just growing up and losing contact. still friends but not "talk all the time. hang out regularly" friends if that makes sense. But of course some of us stayed close friends with eachother. One person from this friend group "kayla" (fake name) (28F) is getting married in a few weeks. I didnt get an invitation but i wasnt hurt. i understood. we didnt stay close friends. but then i was hanging out with my best friend "bob", (28M) who was also in that friend group, a few days ago and he mentioned that he's going to the wedding. i was a little surprised but i just told him i hoped he had a good time. he asked if i was going and i told him no, i didnt get an invite. he said that was strange because everyone else from the group was going. two of them were plus ones as they were dating or married to other ones who got an invite. but they were all going and kayla knew it and even told bob she was really happy that "the gang was getting back together on her special day". i told bob i was kinda hurt by that but i didnt want to make a big deal of it. two days pass. kayla calls me fuming mad that i was "whining that i didnt get an invite to anyone who would listen". I told her that i wasnt. i explained to her what happened. she said that shes been getting texts and calls from other members of the group saying that she should have included me and wanted me to put a stop to it. i said i would do my best and that i was sorry that i caused her this trouble. she thanked me for the apology and hung up. i called bob and asked him why he spread this around and he said that he didnt mean to. he felt bad that i was hurt and he wanted to ask someone else from the group if they knew why i wasnt invited and she spread it around i guess and everyone wanted to know why kayla cut me out specifically so they started asking her. so i made a facebook group chat with all of them and politely asked them to leave kayla alone. that i was just hurt in the moment and vented about it to my best friend and thats where it should have stayed. they all said okay and apologized to kayla. yesterday kayla made a facebook post ranting about me without saying my name and said she had to hire security and give them a photo of me to make sure i didnt try to crash the wedding. something i would never do. the comments under the post were calling her out. she called me again and screamed at me that i was ruining her wedding and told me that some of the friends are considering not going to the wedding now. and now im just wondering if i should have just kept my mouth shut or stood up for myself or what **EDIT:** Next Day i woke up to 160 something notifications on this and im doing my best to answer questions and all that. but to answer some frequent questions and points: Im bi, i have no knowledge of kayla ever having a crush on me, i dont know if her fiance is gay or bi, i never dated kayla, i dated someone else from the group back in highschool into college but the relationship ended amicably and im still good friends with her, the only notable event that might have made things weird is that we all went skinny dipping once when we were 16 but nothing else really happened there and as far as i know, nobody was creeped out or anything by it. there was no big political shift in any of us that may have divided us. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Was she always this unhinged?* "not that i remember. she was a little intense sometimes. but never this kind of crazy" *Why did you apologize?* "she was very mad on the phone, i was surprised that she found out about a private conversation i had in my backyard and i felt bad that the others were asking her why i wasnt invited so much that she felt the need to call me. if i did it again after she made the facebook post and then called to yell at me again, i probably wouldnt have apologized but hindsight is 20/20" *Is it a race or sexuality thing?* "most of us are white, two asians and a hispanic person. but kayla and i are white. so i dont think its that" "there are others in the group that are gay or bi for sure. 3 of them out and 1 thats still in the closet but has told me. i dont know who else theyve told though" *You don't know what your other friends may have said to her:* "youre right. i dont know what they were saying to her. they said they were just asking her why i wasnt invited while the rest of them were but i just took their word for it. they may have been rude or badgered her or who knows what else. and youre also right that its within her right to not invite me. of course. i didnt mean to stir any drama at all with any of this. i was just sitting outside with my best friend having some drinks and i admitted i was hurt that everyone but me was invited. and thats all i expected it to be. just two friends talking. but then this whole thing spiraled into a shitstorm that i didnt intend in my wildest dreams" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [**Post**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Same_File_502/comments/15dcd65/update_aita_for_saying_that_i_was_hurt_that_i/)**: July 29, 2023 (2 days from OG post)** i decided to just do the update here because its so soon after the post and i didnt wanna deal with the mods of AITA being strict about update posts link to original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15bji43/aita\_for\_saying\_that\_i\_was\_hurt\_that\_i\_wasnt/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15bji43/aita_for_saying_that_i_was_hurt_that_i_wasnt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Anyway. I finally got an answer to why i wasn't invited to the wedding. Turns out that someone else from the group named "Samantha" (again, fake names all around) has had a crush on me for years but has been too afraid to tell me or act on it. Samantha was in the bridal party of Kayla's wedding and told Kayla that she was finally going to make a move on me at the wedding after all her bridal party duties were taken care of. Kayla didn't like this and thinks that i'm not good enough for Samantha but she didn't say anything and decided to just not invite me and hope Samantha dropped it. But when Samantha heard about me not being invited, she could smell the bullshit and confronted Kayla, knowing exactly why i wasn't invited and said she wasn't sure she wanted to be in the bridal party after Kayla would do something like this to her. That's when Kayla called me and flipped out the first time. After the group chat where i asked them to stop, Samantha was so upset that she DID drop out of the bridal party and that prompted the second phone call blow up to me. Samantha called me this afternoon and told me all this, apologized for all the bullshit and asked me out for dinner on the night of the wedding and i accepted. this might seem petty to go out on the night of the wedding but it was Samantha's idea and also Kayla is batshit crazy and her number and social media is blocked so i cant get any more calls if she blows up a third time. thanks for the judgement and kind words and reassurances in the AITA post. **Small Additional Update: August 5** i posted this to the bottom of my update post but someone told me to make it its own post so here you go. hi sorry i havent checked this in a few days. little baby updates for you. nothing big enough for a full update yet. the wedding and my date with Sam is next weekend so expect the big update after that. Sam is considering/joking (not sure which) that shes going to wear her bridesmaid dress to the date because she loves the color, she already paid for it and "my tits look fantastic in it". im a little worried thats too "shoving it in kayla's face" but sam says she deserves it. I also asked Sam if she would be willing to write her own POV here and she said she would love to and that she will after our date when we go back to my place. also kayla actually sent me a letter in the mail apologizing and asking to unblock her so we can talk about this and "heal the loose ends". i didnt unblock her. Sam is completely certain that shes only trying to apologize so that ill tell the other 4 friends who have dropped out of the wedding to attend it. like i said. big updates next weekend and Sam's POV

AITA for saying that i was hurt that i wasnt invited to a wedding that all my old friends were invited to?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15j1xdx/aita_for_saying_that_i_was_hurt_that_i_wasnt/

15j26xh

These posts are all from r/StoriesAboutKevin. "Kevin" is the name given to the people in these stories. As per the subs description: "A Kevin is someone who consistently or greatly shows a complete lack of intelligence through incompetence of social and societal norms, or is purposefully antagonistic in their poor decision making." Though most Kevins also aren't very book smart either. Content Warning: >!Reckless Driving, Freezing!< Mood Spoiler: >!Frustrating, Lengthy, But Satisfying In The End !< I am not the OOP, that would be u/Strongbadjr. These posts are part of a collection of posts on OOP's account of various Kevins he has worked with. Parts 2-9 are all about the same person so they are the ones here. These posts have been edited for brevity/clarity. \- [**Kevin in a Big Rig Part 2: First Day, First Kevin (June 5th, 2021)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/ntbqpi/kevin_in_a_big_rig_part_2_first_day_first_kevin/) The first Kevin I encountered when I became a truck driver was, by far, the absolute WORST!! To say that he was dumb as a box of hammers would be insulting; to the hammers. Even now, six years later, I can scarcely believe the majority of the things this guy did that ranged from “Really, Dude?” to “Oh my GOD, how can you still be alive being so dumb?!” The worst part is that I had to share a truck with this guy for early three months; including trying to sleep with him driving an 80,000 lb vehicle without adult supervision. Please keep that in mind as the story progresses. When I met this Kevin (I’ll refer to him as FK for First Kevin), I had just completed my 6 week training period with my Driver Trainer after I received my CDL. The standard policy of the company was to pair two drivers who lived relatively close to one another so that both drivers could take home-time at the same time (we typically stayed out on the road for weeks; sometimes months at a time working constantly. Unfortunately for me, FK was the driver that lived closest to me at the time who had no co-driver at the time. So I get paired with FK and the first day, I could feel the stupid vibes pouring off of him. I was born and raised in the Southeastern US and, even to me, calling this guy “White Trash” would be an understatement. (He bragged about his family being big in the KKK, but he “accepted” his Driver Trainer who was black.) But being a new hire and bottom-rung of the ladder, I shrugged it off. The first day FK and I are paired up, we pick up a load going to the LA area. FK, thinking that because he has a whopping 2 weeks more driving experience than I do, that HE should be the one to take the first shift “because I don’t trust you yet.” I should explain, this was NOT his personal truck; it was owned by the company and he was NOT a supervisor of any kind. I didn’t care so I rode shotgun for a bit. As soon as FK starts driving, I’m immediately grateful for the Driver Trainer I had. FK reminds me of my time at CDL school when I would be in a truck with four other students and in instructor. Student truck drivers are notorious for being clumsy behind the wheel, but they tend to “find their groove” while out with a Trainer. FK, on the other hand, thought the bouncing gear-changes, excessive revving and braking so hard that a simple 4-way stop feels like landing on an aircraft carrier. I wasn’t very experienced, so I thought nothing about it….for long. We get fuel at a nearby truck stop and head west. Once we’re on the interstate I notice FK keeps picking up a spiral-bound notebook, looking at something, then putting it down. He does this every few minutes for about an hour before I ask what he’s looking at. FK gets a shit-eating grin on his face and hands it to me. “It’s the route the company sent us. You know, since we’re company drivers, we have to follow the company route.” “Uh, ok…so why do you keep looking at it? The next turn-off is at least 200 miles away.” “Yeah…but I keep forgetting.” Note that FK had a perfectly good truck-specific GPS in the truck and the route was programmed in. “You programmed the GPS, right?” I ask. “Just follow that. Its telling you the same thing as your notes.” He mumbles something about how its SO important that we follow the “Company Route” or we’d get written up and he was gonna do everything right and blah blah blah. I just let it go. So we’re still going down the Interstate, FK driving and religiously checking his precious notebook every five minutes. Its around rush hour and we were in a fairly large populated area. I start seeing signs of road construction and traffic is beginning to stack up, but FK is still looking at his notebook and NOT SLOWING DOWN. Traffic is quickly becoming bumper-to-bumper and FK still hasn’t seemed to notice. It’s then that I see the issue: the the two left lanes are closed due to construction. FK is driving in the center-left lane of a four-lane section of interstate. The far left lane is all ready closed and the center-left; the lane WE ARE CURRENTLY IN, is about to close in less than a mile. Fk, still reading his notebook, drives right up to point where the orange barrels mark the start of the lane closure. “Dude…get over!” I tell him and instinctively check the passenger-side mirror to check for traffic. Its then that I notice the other semi; hauling ass up on our right side. FK looks up, sees the barrels and, no signal, no mirror check, just merges right. “WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!” I yell just as the other truck blows past, raring down on the air horn. I briefly glimpse the other drivers face and he is PISSED! Not that I blame him. FK looks sheepish and starts mumbling something about idiot drivers, but at the time I’m still trying to keep from going into full-on heart attack. I stay up front until we clear the construction zone and then climb back in the bunk to get some rest (emphasis on TRY). I had to drive the night shift and I knew better than to drive without sleep. His less-than expert truck handling did not help matters. A few hours later, I wake up to the sound of air brakes releasing. I hear FK yelling he’s out of time to drive and I need to take over. I pull my boots on, sign in as the Active Driver to the trucks electronic log terminal and settle into the driver’s seat. Its at that point that I look out through the windshield and see something….odd. Its dark, of course, but in the headlights I see two white lines converging at an angle just ahead of the truck. I look to left and the dim reflection of emergency flashers light up cat-eye reflectors an a white dashed center-line between two solid white right-of-way boundary lines. Its pretty obvious FK, in his lack of wisdom, had stopped the truck right at the merging point of a highway on-ramp AND A MAJOR HIGHWAY!! “Where the f\*\*\* are we?!” I demand. “I dunno. But I ran outta hours and this was the only place I could find.” That was bullshit because there was rest area 10 miles before that would have been a much better place to stop. “Dude, do you have any idea how dangerous this is? Not to mention…ILLEGAL!” “Well, I had to stop somewhere. Anyway, I gotta pee.” He goes to get out of the truck. “No the fuck you don’t.” I say, pulling on the seat belt, releasing the brakes and putting the truck in gear. “We are NOT staying here a second longer. If you have to piss, use a Coke bottle. We’re outta here.” I get the truck going, thanking God there was no traffic or cops at the time, while FK is grumbling about having to pee in a bottle. I don’t care because I’m more concerned about NOT causing an accident or getting a ticket because of this idiot. He can piss in his pants for all I care. He goes straight to the bunk anyway so I don’t have to listen to him. I drive the rest of the night without incident and he takes over again early the next morning. These incidents may not seem too bad, but bear in mind this happened in just the FIRST DAY. I was with this clown for 3 months and conditions did NOT improve during that time. As promised, this will become a series and FK will star in the first few posts. Stay tuned for more Kevin in a Big Rig stories! Thanks for reading! \- [Kevin in a Big Rig Part 3: Frozen (June 8th, 2021)](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/nvk90d/kevin_in_a_big_rig_part_3_frozen/) Hey, everyone! Thanks again to everyone for the upvotes, support and encouragement you have shown me with the first two installments of the Kevin in a Big Rig series. When I first decided to share these stories here on Reddit, I never would have imagined that an old trucker’s tales would be so well received. So many of you have left comments asking for more of these stories and I am not one who likes to disappoint. On that note, on to Part 3: Frozen. Backstory: The following takes place about a month after First Kevin (FK) and I were first paired up. If you’ve read Part 2 of this series, then you have some idea of the kinds of Kevin-esque things FK was capable of; and you’d probably be right. But what he did this time resulted in what the absolute worst nights sleep of my entire life; and the closest I ever came to committing legitimate murder. By this point, I already had FK pegged for what he was; an incompetent buffoon who shouldn’t be allowed near a soap box car; let alone an 18-wheeler. But worse, in his obviously demented mind, he thought he was the absolute top-dog of the trucking world. This is in spite of the dozens of times he would have to wake ME up and get him out of another bad situation. However, at the time, I was more of the “Grin and Bear It” mentality because I was broke and afraid that any screw-ups or boat-rocking on my part would get me fired. But that was about to change… One day, after picking up a load close to the company’s home terminal, we received instructions from dispatch to relay the load in the company’s drop-yard and take the truck sans trailer to a local dealer in town for scheduled maintenance. This was essentially a gloried oil change and lube job with a few other items on the checklist just to make sure the truck was in good shape. This was normally handled by the in-house mechanics, but because of some serious backlogs, they decided to contract it out. The plan, as relayed by dispatch, was for us to drop the loaded trailer in the yard, bobtail to the dealership for a late-morning appointment, get the service done (it would take 2 hours maximum), pick the back up when finished and continue on to the destination. Easy in, easy out. Unfortunately, FK was the driver on duty during the shift in which we were SUPPOSED to arrive. But, in typical FK fashion, he got lost because his infamous system of navigation failed again. As a result, he wasted half a day back-tracking and ran out of drive-time; leaving me to get us to the terminal, drop the load and get to the dealership 15 minutes before they closed for the day. This meant that, since we missed our appointment, we would have to wait until the next morning when they had an opening in the schedule. Since the opening was first-thing that morning and parking at the company terminal was packed, I made the call to park the truck outside the dealership for the night. We had plenty of fuel and there was a gas station within walking distance where we could get food. The shop told us this was fine so that was that. This happened in around late November/early December in the midwest. The winter had already shown signs of being bad and snow had been falling for weeks already. The weather forecast for that night was to dip well below freezing not long after sunset. After squaring everything away with the service reps at the shop, I turn to FK. “Look, FK, its gonna get cold once the sun goes down. I’m gonna walk over to the store and grab something to eat tonight. You coming?” FK replied, “No, I got food. I’m gonna see if I can get that bunk outlet to work.” For a few days, he had been complaining that one of the 12 volt outlets in the bunk section of the cab wasn’t working. Apparently, it was a major issue for him even though neither of us had any electronic device other than our cell phones and the bunk had a total of FOUR outlets; only one didn’t work. But trying to tell him that fact only made him upset and make him flex is one week of seniority over me. I really didn’t feel like arguing so I left him to it. I go and buy food for dinner, some snacks to have in reserve, beverages to hold me over for the night and two packs of cigarettes because smoking was the only thing that could calm my nerves enough to not strangle FK each time he had to wake me up to help him navigate. As I’m heading back, the sun goes down and I can see a nearby pond start to freeze. I quicken my pace so I can get back to the warm cab. As I get to the truck, I see FK in the passenger seat hunched over something. I go around to the driver door and jump in. For those who don’t know, trucks meant for long-haul operations have very thick insulation to hold in heat for a VERY long time. This came in handy since that truck had an idle-limiting system that wouldn’t allow the engine to run for long periods of time sitting at idle. If the engine was needed to maintain heating or air conditioning while parked, the driver could set a device much like a digital thermostat: you set the control for the temperature you want the cab to be, select it to either heat or cool and the engine will start and stop to maintain the temperature much like the central unit of a house. Since the cab was well insulated, the cab of the truck could stay warm for hours. Before I left the truck to go to the store, I made sure to set the idle control system to maintain a comfortable temperature. When I got back, however, I couldn’t help but notice it was colder than when I had left it: much colder. What was strange about that was that the engine was running fine. Naturally, I checked the temperature controls on the dash; they were set to full heat and full fan. And that’s when it hit me: there was nothing coming from the dash vents. The blower fans were dead quiet. I looked over at FK who, I just noticed, is poking around with the fuse panel that was hidden behind the rear panel of the glove box. “FK, why is the heat not working?” “I dunno. It stopped working when I was checking the fuses.” That led me to my second question. “Why are you messing with the fuse panel?” “I was trying to get that outlet to work.” As you may know, most vehicles have to fuse/relay panels; one underneath the hood in the engine compartment and another inside. Trucks are the same in that regard except they have a LOT more fuses than the average passenger car. One thing that was stressed heavily during my training was that the fuse panel inside the glove box of the truck was STRICTLY off-limits. This is because if someone goes about carelessly pulling fuses looking for a bad one without first disconnecting the power, it could cause a surge through the panel and short out other circuits. Since the fuses in the glove box controlled vital circuits such as external lights, dashboard instruments and engine controls, messing around with them could lead to major issues. Also, the dash blower motor circuit was also fused in that same panel. And FK had been messing with it. Its hard to remember what I was feeling at the time; anger, hate, panic, homicidal rage…all of the above? “Oh, fuck!” I exclaimed as jump into the bunk area. I check the thermostat; its showing 58° F (14.4° C) when it was set to 73° F (22° C). I checked the vents in the bunk heat controls and turn them full-heat and full-fan but, sadly…nothing. We were in a truck with no heat and near-freezing conditions. To make matters worse, the shop at which we were parked was already closed. We were in trouble. I grab the truck’s computer and send an urgent message to dispatch, telling them that our heater isn’t working and the temperature outside is dropping fast. FK is still mumbling about the outlet. “Will you forget about that goddamn outler?! We have no heat!! Don’t you understan that?!” He said something, but the computer signaled an incoming message. “Truck 1234, you have access to your truck so we cant get you a room.” I tell dispatch AGAIN that the heater isn’t working and its getting colder by the minute, but they said “company policy” meant we had to stay in the truck. We were screwed. I turn to FK and say, “Close that fucking glove box and don’t even think about opening it again.” At this point, even he realized he screwed up royally. We were stuck in a cold truck for the night. Neither of us has enough money to afford a hotel room and, short of starting a bonfire inside the truck, we were in for a cold, cold night. I quickly eat my dinner and stow my food away. I then dig through all the clothes I had with me; looking for every stitch of warm clothing I had and layered up as best I could. I ended up wearing a two long-sleeve t-shirts, a pull-over hoodie and Carhart jacket with two pairs of jeans, two pairs of socks, heavy-duty work boots and two pairs of jersey work gloves with a fleece blanket for cover. The entire night, I don’t think I sleep for two consecutive hours. Despite wearing what felt like a weeks worth of clothes all at once, the cold air still permeated through. I stayed curled in the fetal position for the entire night; shivering so hard I could feel the entire truck shake. Each time by violent shivering or chattering teeth brought me out of sleep, I would look at the thermostat control. By midnight, the temperature was well below freezing and, with high winds that had come up, the truck was only getting colder. I can remember feeling disgusted that each time I woke up and not seeing sunlight. At one point, I honestly believed that I wouldn’t survive the night due to hypothermia. Finally, at about 6 am, I woke up for the last time and decided to go outside. Not because it was any warmer, but because the gas station I went to the evening before opened at that time and all I wanted was a little heat. I didn’t wake FK; honestly, I wouldn’t have cared if he was dead for the hell his stupid ass just put me through over a power outlet. I walked to the store; looking like a vagrant with withdrawal symptoms from shivering so much. When I walked into the store after that long, bitter night, I wanted to cry because the heat felt so nice. The cashier gave me a puzzled look, but saw my baseball cap that had my company’s logo and let it go. I bought two cups of piping hot coffee and a warm breakfast. I took my time savoring every bit of it. Since the station had a dining area and wasn’t busy, I really wasn’t in any hurry to get back. I sat in the station for about two hours before I had to head back. The shop opened at 8 and I wanted to get the truck in the shop and fixed ASAP. I get a third coffee for the walk back and get over to the shop just as the office is opening. FK is waiting outside and sees me holding my coffee. He asked where I got it and I pointed to the gas station. The rep opens the door and we go inside, check in with the desk and hand the truck key to the technician so he can get started. FK, who was useless when it came to things like this, went to the lounge area. I made sure to tell the tech about the fan and asked if he could check it out; he said he would. I sign the paperwork and head to the lounge. In the lounge, FK looks frustrated. He wanted coffee, too, and was disappointed to learn that, since the shop just opened, the office staff hadn’t made any in the lounge yet. “Well, walk over to the gas station and get one.” I say, trying not to snicker. “You know I can’t walk that far. Why don’t you go get me one?” he asked, indignantly. I should point out that FK had a bad leg due to, if you can believe it, a bad car accident (I know, big shocker). At first, I felt bad for him, being partially disabled but by that point, after everything I had endured because of his stupid ass, I was tempted to damage his good leg so they would be a match set. “Because I signed the truck in. That means I have to be here when its released. FK gets mad. “Well, why didn’t you wake me up and ask me if I wanted anything?” he demands, almost throwing a tantrum. It was at this point, my tolerance for FK glitched. This SOB had put me through a living hell of no sleep, being thrown around the truck like a rag doll because of his horrible driving, having to take flak for his fuck-ups and getting chewed out for late deliveries because he keeps getting lost. Now, he want ME to be HIS errand boy after nearly causing me to freeze to death? As someone once said, “HELL TO THE NAW NAW NAW.” I set my coffee on a table and raise to my full height (I had at least one foot and one hundred pounds on him). “Listen here, you sawed-off little bastard,” I replied, summoning every last ounce of piss and vinegar in me that wasn’t still frozen, “because of your dumb-ass, I barely slept all night. How the Hell we’re not dead of hypothermia right now, I have no idea. I have put up with your bullshit for over a month and I’m fed up with it. You are NOT my supervisor, you are NOT my lead driver and you do NOT tell me what to do. And if I EVER catch you messing around with the fuse panel or anything else on that truck again, I will CUT YOUR GODDAMN THROAT!” And, at that moment, I meant it. FK muttered something, but I told him to shut up and he obliged. After a couple of hours, the technician came and told us our truck was ready. FK, still without coffee, sulked off to the truck while I dealt with the paperwork. I ask the tech about the blower fan and find out it was a blown fuse. Apparently, FK pulled the fuse and the resulting arc caused the fuse to blow. Since he was an idiot and the fuse panel wasn’t labeled, there was no way to know which fuse was blown. He told my to make sure that next time I needed to check the fuses to disconnect the batteries first. I laughed, signed the papers and went back to the truck. Back in the truck, I send a message to dispatch and tell them we’re ready to roll. FK had climbed back into the bunk; obviously still sulking. I take the first drive shift of the day so the load can, once again, be back on track. While I wish I could say this was the end of my misadventures with FK, its not. There’s more. Yep, it gets even better, folks. Again, thank you all so much for reading and for all your support and encouragement. It really does mean a lot! \- *Due to character limits, this had to be split into multiple posts. You can find the next post* [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/comments/15j6xmz/oop_deals_with_one_of_the_worst_truck_drivers/)

OOP Deals With One Of The Worst Truck Drivers (Kevin in a Big Rig Part One)

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15j26xh/oop_deals_with_one_of_the_worst_truck_drivers/

15j8405

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/dalos99 on r/entitledparents and r/AmItheAsshole, update was on r/entitledparents *Editor's note: I mildly edited this for readability and changed the acronyms to make it easier to follow. [EM calls me greedy while she takes all the unused meat at my wedding](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/152wfjl/em_calls_me_greedy_while_she_takes_all_the_unused/) July 18, 2023 Sorry for the very long post TL;DR at the end So for the story, we have: - Me - My wife - FIL=my wife's father - MIL=my wife's entitled mother - SIL = wife's sister Info I know will be asked: I and my wife paid for the wedding ourselves, no one else. MIL helped with putting marzipan on the cakes as SIL did the cakes, but she didn't feel so good at some point because of a medical condition (FYI I don't blame her and she is not at fault for any of this) so I and wife had to make the decor and the fillings of the cakes. Some context: I (24M) and my now wife(21F) recently got married, kinda small wedding with about 25 guests attending although it was supposed to be around 35 guests (but some were unable to attend last minute), mostly close family and friends. We had help from one of the guests with buying and preparing the food and also do the cooking at the wedding (grilled). As the guest works as a head chef/kitchen manager and does catering from time to time, she offered to help us with this and the only thing we had to do was pay for the groceries. All the time preparing, cooking and planning was her and her Fiancé's wedding gift to us (would have cost between $1000-$1500 if we hired her instead). She planned the meal so there would be enough for 40 people to make sure it was enough for the initial 35 (meaning a lot of leftovers now). This story begins the day before the wedding when FIL informs us that he doesn't want to attend. He had been weary if he wanted to attend to show support or if that was too much even. Note: we wanted to know who would attend 2 months prior... but MIL and SIL would attend. So they finished the last stuff for the cakes, and arrived. SIL was a bridesmaid so she did her part during the ceremony. MIL showed minimal support throughout the whole ceremony--the only person to not shed a single tear during the entire time, although it was very emotional. Even the wedding officiant and guests cried a bit because it was very beautiful and emotional. But not MIL. After dinner was finished, the cake had been eaten and mingle time was at the end for guests not sleeping there, it was time for MIL and SIL to leave as well. MIL asks to get some of the leftovers so that SIL could have some lunch tomorrow. She said she would pack up the unopened meat, sauces and dressings and put the sauces in smaller containers so it was less for us to fix tomorrow. Wife said of course because it seemed reasonable, but I was more sceptical since this seemed very out of place for how she had acted during this whole event. I asked why they would bring them back to town (we live 2 minutes apart from them, and the wedding was 45 minutes away). MIL said that they have a cooler because they brought the cakes so if they brought the unused food it wouldn't spoil. I double checked with her and was clear she understood that it was only transporting it-- we would still be taking most of the food home. MIL said of course she understood. They left and not much more happened until the day after. My wife dropped me off at our place and we started unloading everything. While I sorted where they should go and unpacked all gifts and clothes, my wife picked up the sauce containers from their apartment that SIL had prepared. MIL had gone out to their Caravan again. When SIL returned with just the sauce, I asked where the rest of the stuff was. She said MIL must have forgotten it in the cooler and brought it to the caravan. We didn't think more about it at that point since we still had plenty of leftovers that had to be eaten first anyway. Fast forward to yesterday when all hell broke loose. My wife was supposed to drive SIL somewhere the next day. We usually borrow one of their cars to do this (we pay for the gas and ask first if it is ok to borrow). We still hadn't gotten the meat from MIL, so my wife texted her and the following conversation ensued: Wife: did you take the meat to the caravan? MIL: yes Wife: have you eaten it? MIL: no Wife: Could I bring it back home tomorrow when I drive SIL? MIL: why? Wife: cuz we want it. MIL: Fine, you can leave the car and garage keys at home. You don't need to borrow the car anymore. We'll come and get SIL ourselves, putting the meat in the fridge. Wife: Wow. So just because we want the meat back that we paid for, I don't get to borrow the car anymore? I never said you could have the meat or that you could bring it to the caravan. You only had it because you had a cooler, so it wouldn't spoil. MIL: exactly. I think it's very greedy of you two to not gift us the meat. I thought you meant I could keep it. Think about all we have given you two during your relationship. We have a limit too, you know. Wife writes again about how it was a wedding gift and apologizes if they misunderstood each other. She mentions that my parents didn't take anything from the wedding and didn't even ask. She also said that I even double-checked so MIL understood that the unopened food was not theirs to keep. MIL then calls her but I answer instead because my wife was crying at that point. MIL demands to speak to my wife but I inform her that she is not fit for a call right now but she is listening if there was anything important. MIL just says to have my wife call back when she can then starts up the argument about the food again. MIL: We took the unopened food because we could see that you 2 wouldn't be able to eat all of it before it got spoiled. It was very greedy of you to not let us have it. Me: we didn't plan to keep all of it ourselves, but it is a wedding gift. We get to decide who should get what since there are a lot of other guests at the wedding who have also supported us through our relationship. It's not only about the food but also it's a matter of principle to not take others' wedding gifts without permission because it's very rude. MIL: Well, ask wife to call us when she can. bye I calmed my wife down and walked the dog. Then I wrote a long text to MIL to summarize the whole ordeal and to give her more perspective. After 14 hours, I still have not gotten an answer back nor has my wife. Me: Hi, I'll try to get wife to call you tomorrow so you can talk. Regarding the food, we wanted to keep it ourselves and then distribute it to others later. It is vacuum sealed and as long as it stays frozen, it will keep a long time. We had planned to give most of it to one of my best men who had to leave before the food was served. He is also couchsurfing because he lost his job and only just started a new one (hasn't gotten paid yet). Instead of being able to gift this meat to someone in need, you have half your freezer stuffed with our meat without permission, somehow feeling more entitled to it. That's why we got mad--not because we are "greedy." We seem to have a very different perception of what greed is. So if you or her dad have any problem with this ordeal then scold me, instead of wife since I will be less bothered about it. I hope this gives a little more perspective about this. This was the end of events for now until we picked up the meat and if my wife decides to call MIL. sorry for the long post TL;DR Wife's Entitled mother calls us greedy while she takes all the unopened meat from the wedding, so I can't give it to my homeless friend. Comment: >Does she steal gifts from the wedding table at every wedding she attends then calls the bride and groom greedy? She overstepped off the cliff of propriety and she knows it. [Update to: EM calls me greedy while she takes all the unused meat at my wedding](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/156hi0o/update_to_em_calls_me_greedy_while_she_takes_all/) July 22, 2023 So the day after the post my wife got a text from MIL that the meat and all leftovers (that they hadn't eaten yet) was in their fridge in the apartment. They came to town and left it there when they picked up wife's sister and went back to the caravan. They wanted us to take all of it since they weren't going to be home and didn't want us to throw away anything at their place since they were not going to be home. I'll be the bigger person and not do that to them. We have now cooked and eaten some of the meat, about 5 pounds (2,3KG) yesterday and we're not sick so it's all fine(wooh). They wanted us to return the containers they used for the sauce and leftovers, so we did that. Next, I'm gonna give some of the cooked meat to my friend who is doing much better now. He got his first paycheck from the job so things are getting better for him. I've also unfriended MIL from social media but not blocked her in case of an emergency with my wife. I've decided I'm not gonna engage her at all until she apologizes. That, my friends, will probably take a long long time. Probably not going to update anything more about this specific event but with a MIL who does this, there might be more in the future. I'll probably post in another sub specifically about MIL from heck. Take care y'all and thanks for the concerns and advice! Comment: >Well done for taking the high road on this, my petty ass would have been tempted to leave it in their apartment, they’d never be able to get the awful smell of rot out of their fridge. Limiting contact sounds like a good idea though, sometimes if the best for both parties to have some distance - it’s a lot harder to argue if there’s limited contact there and they can’t see into your life as much. >Also I’m glad to hear your friend is doing better too, I hope you all enjoy the meat. Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not go to the original posts and comment on them.

EM calls me greedy while she takes all the unused meat at my wedding

CONCLUDED

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15j8405/em_calls_me_greedy_while_she_takes_all_the_unused/

15jfuuv

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/skatergurl5105 **My 19f boyfriend 21m said that I need to learn a lesson for not listening to him.** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior, serious injury!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/158kfqr/my_19f_boyfriend_21m_said_that_i_need_to_learn_a/) **July 24, 2023** I met my boyfriend Liam 5 years ago during an after school project. We became really close friends and started dating 1 year ago because he told me that he's had feelings for me for a long time and wanted to take things to a romantic level. And I really liked him too so we went out on a romantic date and everything went great. A few months ago, he told me that he feels really uncomfortable with me skateboarding and said that he wants me to stop because he was afraid I would get hurt. Skateboarding has been one of my hobbies that my big brother got me into since I was a little girl and there was nothing that would deter me from doing it. It's one of those things in life that makes me happy and exhilarated. Earlier this week, I broke my leg and got a grade 3 concussion while attempting a new trick on the skateboarding ramp. I'm still in the hospital and my boyfriend has refused to come visit me. He said that he warned me and that I need to learn my lesson for not listening to him so that next time I will "obey him" because he's "always right". My best friend and my family have all visited me and my mother and big brother have stayed in the hospital with me most of the time. And, I get it. I didn't heed his warning, but could he have at least come see me and ask how I'm doing? Shouldn't he still care? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ilovenaps321** >LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. This is some crazy controlling behaviour. I don't know if he has ever reacted in a similar way in other instances of your relationship but this is just plain cruel. This sounds like some crazy first step in getting you to always do what he wants or you will be "punished." He is not your parent and you are not a child, there is no reason for him to be "teaching you a lesson". Right now its you injured in the hospital because of a hobby of yours he didn't like.. worst case scenario it could lead to you having to "learn a lesson" because he doesn't like the top you're wearing. My blood is honestly boiling for you. Also hope you feel better soon OP! **OOP replied** >He actually liked that I skateboard when we were just friends, but he started saying that I shouldn't anymore once we started dating. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15drt12/this_is_an_update_on_my_19f_boyfriend_21m_said/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 30, 2023** I made a post about this maybe 4 days ago. My boyfriend Liam wanted me to stop skateboarding, which has been a hobby of mine since I was a little girl, and when I broke my leg and got a concussion, he refused to see me in the hospital so he could teach me a lesson and learn that I should obey him because he's always right. I'm out of the hospital now and at home with my mother and brother. I broke up with Liam over text and he replied with "Well, your loss. I could have taught you so much but instead you choose your stupid skating over me." And he went on. Then, HE blocked me on everything, from social media to his number, as if I was the villain. LOL. But at least this means that he probably won't be bothering me anymore. I forgot to mention last time. All of my friends from the skatepark came with me to the hospital on the first day and 2 of my skater friends visited me every single day to check up on me, and still come to my house and hang out with me. When I broke up with Liam and told them what happened between us, one of them said "I'd be glad to teach HIM a lesson". I'm so glad that my friends are so supportive during this time and I don't know why, but it makes me just sad that my boyfriend, EX boyfriend, couldn't even be a little concerned and that all he cared about was his stupid ego. Like okay, he could have come and said "I told you so" and bragged about being right but took care of me at the same time. At least he would have showed some concern. Some comments mentioned something about the possibility of tampering and my friends though the same thing because I was too good of a skater to not only fail but fail so terribly on my first attempt but they didn't find anything yet. I do wear helmets and pads most of the time, but that day I was, you could say, overconfident and I didn't wear any heltmet, which resulted in a grade 3 concussion and 13 stitches. I had difficulties in speaking and some memory loss. I still have massive headaches and I'm greatly fatigued along with other problems. The doctor had to take away my phone 5 days ago until I was safe enough to be sent home. The doctors said that if I take good care of my myself and heed his instructions, then I can be good as new and ready to get back on my board within 4 months. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Sawgwa** >_refused to see me in the hospital so he could teach me a lesson and learn that I should obey him because he's always right._ F THAT! You dodged a bullet there! Get yourself better and get back to doing what you like. And next BF better accept you as his emotional and intellectual equal. **OOP replied** >If I do get another boyfriend, I think I'll choose someone who is also a skater because most of my friends at the skatepark are boys around my age and they all love having a skater chick there. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My 19f boyfriend 21m said that I need to learn a lesson for not listening to him.

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jfuuv/my_19f_boyfriend_21m_said_that_i_need_to_learn_a/

15jfwut

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Which_Consequence340 **My fiance cheated on me and I'm pregnant** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **MOOD SPOILER: PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. You may find this post upsetting, infuriating and traumatizing** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior, infidelity, talk of abortion and miscarriage, verbal and emotional abuse, public humiliation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14ov70d/my_fiance_cheated_on_me_and_im_pregnant/) **July 2, 2023** Pretty much what the title says. My fiance and I have been together three years and I love him more than anything. I know three years isn't that long and I've had longer relationships but mine with him is definitely the most serious by far and not just because he proposed. I've never loved anyone more than him and when I fell for him it was a much stronger and intense connection that I've ever had for anyone in my life. I'm only 26 so I know have time find someone else but I'm so incredibly heartbroken in ways I didn't even imagine I could break. This is by far the worst pain I've ever felt. I don't know how it happened. This was the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and I was so excited to get married and have our child. He doesn’t even know I'm pregnant because his birthday is next month and I wanted to surprise him. There were none of the usual signs like our relationship declining for the past several months. It was like one day the switch just flipped. I noticed he was first off like two weeks ago after we came home from my friends place after hanging out. He seemed distant but I just chalked it up to him being tired, but then he continued to be a little distant. I know his boss has been on his ass lately about a work project, he's an engineer and I thought he was just stressed about it. These past two weeks we haven't been having intimacy either but that's not out of the normal because when he's really stressed, either with family stuff or work, he isn't usually in the mood. On Friday I went out of town to visit my sister and I just got home today. Originally the plan was for him to go with me but he told me he really needed the weekend to work on his project which I didn't find suspicious AT ALL. He knew what day and what time I would be coming home. Yet when I got into our home the kitchen hadn't been cleaned from what was obviously a romantic dinner and when I got to the bedroom the sheets were a mess and and a woman's lingerie was on the floor by the door. And his pants and their shoes were in the hallway very obviously hastily taken off on the way to our shared bedroom, our shared bed, our shared everything and OUR sacred place. It just seems so careles. He knew what I would see and didn't even bother to clean up. Did he really think I'd stay? Did he really think I just wouldn't care? He's not picking up my calls and when I texted him I realized he'd blocked me. If he was into someone else why didn't he just say that? Why would he let me find out in the most hurtful way in the world? Even worse I know who the girl is because she left her jewelry and its someone who I was insecure about when our relationship first started but that I got over the longer we were together. I don't know what to do, I had to get out of our home so now I'm just crying on my front lawn. I'm too mortified to call anyone close to me and a million thoughts are running through my mind. What am I going to do with the baby? I can't even imagine trying to co-parent with him after a betrayal like this. Why did he do this? What changed? Did he get bored of me? Why wasn't I enough? Why her? Why me? What am I going to tell people? How am I ever going to trust someone again? Where am I going to live? which of of our mutual friends will choose him? Does this mean I can't be friends with his sister anymore? Just so many questions with zero explanations. I can't even put into words how soul damaged, emotionally crushed, and absolutely wrecked I am. I'm so hurt I can't even talk about it. I can't even call my therapist. So now I'm typing it all out because I just HAD to tell SOMEBODY what was happening, even if it was strangers on the internet. A mini update is on my page for anyone who wants it, but I didn't want this post to get too long, so I made a separate post for the update. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14wiy5c/my_fiancee_cheated_on_me_update/) **July 11, 2023** **UPDATE 1:** Mini update: Hey everyone thank all much for the kind words. Sorry I haven't responded to any comments or anything but really I was just so overwhelmed. I ended up calling my therapist, and currently, I'm staying with my best friend, but just for a few days until I can get a flight to where my parents live. My therapist recommended that I leave this situation off the internet and usually I would listen to her but I know some of you genuinely do care to hear what happens to me so I'm going to post the final update probably tomorrow if I'm not too devastated or the day after. After that, I will most likely delete my account. First thing firsts, I am keeping the baby, where I live I'm too far along to get an abortion, the time span to get one is really short. I'm currently two months, and I haven't started showing. My ex fiance didn't notice because the birth control I take makes me not have a period. But if I'm being completely transparent, I probably would have kept this pregnancy anyway. Second, I took pictures like all of you suggested, and I'm meeting a lawyer later this week. Third, I called his sister and I have no idea what he told them about me, but I've never heard her have so much venom, like what she had on that phone call with me. I told her what happened and she wasn't shocked at all and said in this exact wording 'wow, you really haven't figured out why he did this to you at all have you' and then as she was telling me to never call anyone in their family again I had to shout over her that I was pregnant in case she blocked me. I could hear the shocked silence and told her I would literally piss on a stick in front of her if she didn't believe me. I think she could tell from my voice that I was telling the truth and told me that she would get her brother to meet me at the house later today to talk. And I that I had to tell him I was pregnant myself and she wouldn't 'do that burden for me' she then abruptly hung up. His sister and I have always been close, and I remember how I used to wait all day in the hospital when she was getting treated for her breast cancer. I have no idea what could have made her hate me this much, what lies he could've told her. I just cried so much after this phone call. My best friend is going to go over with me when I talk to him and she's going to wait outside in the car. See you guys tomorrow or later this week. I'm reposting this because I've gotten some comments saying they couldn't see my update. I think it got taken down because I mention the abortion laws where I live. I'm not trying to push any political agenda, or cause a hot topic in the comments, I'm just being truthful about the area in which I live. Sorry that I'm posting later than I said I would but I ended up having a miscarriage because of the stress and needed time to process. **FINAL UPDATE:** when I got into our home my fiance was very callous and cruel. He berated me and would not let me get a word in. He screamed at me that I needed "to drop the victim act" or else he would tell all my friends and family the truth about me. I asked how could I be playing the victim when he's the one who cheated and then let me find out in a abusive, disgusting, and psychotic way. Before I get into the rest of this update I feel like some background information is needed. Before I got with my fiance my hair was completely virgin, it was a brown color that looked red in the sunglight and photos that i LOVED, and his was pink. When we got close I learned that it was pink in support of his sister who got diagnosed with breast cancer. About 8 months in, I decided to dye my hair pink for his sister's upcoming breast cancer surgery. Him and his entire family was touched by the gesture and everyone ended up dying their hair pink before her surgery. My fiance was especially touched because he knew how much I really liked my natural color. After his sister went into remission we started to doing cute matching couple hair of all different colors. When we visited my friend a couple weeks ago she was making a video of memories from over the years because one of our friend's big 30 is coming up and she plans to show it at the party. After we came home from her place this was when I first noticed he was off. He saw a video on her computer of me with very bright red hair which is not my natural color even in the sunlight which is maybe a shade red above auburn. Before i go any further this video was from mid 2019 before we got together and was NOT real dye. It was one of those non bleach, non damge, hair waxes that come out after a single wash. In this video I'm making out with a former male friend of mine. We were bar hopping and you can see us in the back kissing as we're walking to the next bar. Last summer my fiance and I dyed our hair bright red like what's on the video and he thought that I had cheated on him because he knows my hair was virgin before I dyed it pink in support of his sister. While we were arguing he kept telling that I had cheated first and that my f*cking hair was red and that's how he knew that I had cheated with (old male friend's name) that I cut off because we'd slept together once before I got with my fiance and that made him uncomfortable. And that he'd saw it all on (my friends name) computer. And that's why he slept with his female friend because he'd wanted me to hurt like he did. I kept yelling at him that I had never cheated on him and had genuinely no idea what the hell he was talking about. I was so confused, upset, hurt, and angry that I started cramping in the middle of our shouting fest. My fiance thought I was faking it until a large amount of blood started coming from private area. He called the ambulance and my friend came inside to check if I was okay because I'd been there for a while at this point. At this point I'd hadn't even gotten the chance to tell him I was pregnant and my friend had to do so as I yelled out in AGONIZING physical pain. The ambulance came in 11 minutes but by the time I reached the hospital it was too late. My baby was gone. From there word got out and my friend (the one with the video) heard about everything and she came and showed him proof that the video he was talking about was from before we were together and taken in mid 2019. She showed me too because up until that point I had completely forgotten about that night and had no idea what he was talking about. I then explained to him that it was just hair wax. I'm devastated about the baby. Despite everything I truly wanted to keep it and I feel so hollow now. So wrecked. I don't know what to do about my relationship he has genuinely apologized to me and I know he only did what he did because he thought I had cheated on him, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this. If I'll always resent him for the miscarriage. But I still love him so much and I still can't even imagine life without him. Before his mother learned the truth she made a scathing Facebook post about me and 'my cheating' and since then his entire family has all formally apologized to me but I'm still getting calls from extended family members and friends who still havent heard the truth calling me hurtful things and telling me I deserved my miscarriage and that's what I got for trying to 'baby trap' him. It's another kick to my already broken soul. And as of right now my social reputation is in tatters because of the post. My fiance or rather ex fiance wants to make one big post just addressing everything but I honestly don't even have the energy and I can't imagine of all this drama for all of our loved ones to see that cut me so deeply just plastered on Facebook. His mom has tried to call but I've been declining all of them because also in her post she added some really nasty things she didn't like about me before she found out about the 'cheating' that I didn't know she felt about and I just feel really hurt about every mean thing she wrote about my personality, looks, character, depression and anxiety episodes, and past. I'm currently staying with parents in a AirBnB because I felt like I had to confront everything's front on and stay here but they wanted to be here to support me. Guys I thought I was broken before but I'm going to be completely candid and say that I've considering not living since the miscarriage. A part of me also feels like my relationship which I loved more than myself is over which just makes me feel so sick. So many things are being said about me and all I want to do is dissappear, but I know that I can't for the sake of the people I love and I won't. Anyhow that's the update. I don't know where my life goes from here but it felt only fair to update you guys one last time. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My fiance cheated on me and I'm pregnant

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jfwut/my_fiance_cheated_on_me_and_im_pregnant/

15jnqcw

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRA-late222 **in** r/AITAH &#x200B; trigger warnings: >!domestic violence!< mood spoilers: >!sad but positive overall!< *Note: Original post was removed and can't be recovered, so I transcribed it from a Youtube Video on the same post made before it was deleted.* [**AITAH for no-longer doing "husbandly duties" after my girlfriend complains about having to do "wifely duties" and we aren't married?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15cld3j/aitah_for_nolonger_doing_husbandly_duties_after/) **- 29th July 2023** I m25 has a girlfriend who's 23 and we've been together for about 3 years. She has been living in my apartment with me since our 3 month mark because things at her home were very bad and we felt this was a better choice due to me also living fairly close to her university. &#x200B; I pay for everything, whether it's something that benefits the both of us or something that just benefits her. I also have been paying for her university because I make a comfortable amount of money even though I've only been in my career for about two years. Anyways, recently, for the past few months, my girlfriend has been under the impression that she shouldn't do anything around the house because that's "wifey duties." I ask if she could tidy up around the house since she's free 24/7 because she's on summer break (aside for her part-time that she only works weekends) and she gets upset and says "those are wife duties and that she wasn't gonna give me the whole package without a ring". I ask her if she could make me a quick lunch if I'm running late to work or at least put some ingredients in a grocery bag so I can make it at work and she gives me the same bs about how that's wife duties. It's even gotten to the point whenever I ask about trying new things when it comes to s\*x, and she says the same things. &#x200B; It just keeps getting annoying so finally yesterday, when I asked if she could pick up my dry-cleaning today because I would be working late and once again she replied with doing favors like that are for married couples, I lost it. I told her since doing simple tasks were for married couples then Iwouldn't be paying for her next year of university, I wouldn't be funding her activities, letting her use my other car like it's hers, and she would need to start contributing to the house in-terms of bills or she can leave because of course those were things that only husband's did and I was in-fact not her husband. This resulted in her getting upset and claimed that I was manipulative and that I shouldn't hold things that I do for her over her head. I didn't care what she had to say and told her that if she wasn't gonna fix her view on helping her partner out with simple tasks, then I wouldn't help her as well. I then told her that I expected contributions for the bills until then, or I would kick her out. AITAH? &#x200B; Edit: Thank you for all the advice! Even the ones calling me stupid, which really opened my eyes, and I really appreciate it. I'm just making this edit because it baffles me how some of you guys are assuming I'm using her for sex. I added how the "wifey duties" thing started affecting our sex-life whenever asked to try new things. I don't hold it over her head, I just move on and handle my business. When we had our argument, I didn't once bring up our sex life but told her she needed to start doing more around the house and stop being, in my eyes, lazy. Also, to be using her for sex, I would have to actually have sex with her all the time. The rare times we do nowadays are on her schedule, and we just do basic things and then go on with our day. &#x200B; Edit: Last edit before I plan to have a talk with my girlfriend because she's due to be home from her part-time. I've never wasted her time about marriage. From the beginning of our relationship, I was really transparent on how I wasn't looking to get married until my late 20s or early 30s. From the jump, I've told her if she didn't like that arrangement, then our relationship wouldn't work out, but she was adamant that she was fine with that as well. Yes, I suspect that she's acting this way because she wants me to propose that I've very adamant with not wanting to be married so young. I've reminded her several times throughout the years that if she's not like the arrangement and wants to get married, then she can leave and I wouldn't be hurt.   **Judgement: NTA, some ETAs also.** &#x200B; **Top Comments**  *NTA She said you are manipulating her while that is exactly what she has been trying to do to you. 'I'll only do it if I get a ring.' You need to ask yourself if your relationship is starting out this way, what would she be like if you actually did put a ring on it and she more secure in your relationship. Is this what you want the rest of your life to be?* &#x200B; *Nta,* *Spoiler alert: if she isn’t going to contribute to the household now, she won’t start if y’all get married.* *Oof. EAH. You’re both manipulating each other. She should absolutely be willing to contribute and if she refuses after having a discussion about it, then just break up with her. But I don’t see any mention of you guys actually talking about this until you told her do it or you’d kick her out.* *Withholding sex is manipulative but so is threatening to kick your partner out if she opposes “trying new things”. That’s a completely different category from getting your dry cleaning.* &#x200B; **OOP Replies** >I literally didn't say I was gonna kick her out just because she doesn't try new things when it comes to sex 🤣. Way to put words into my mouth > >I said, since she can't do simple favors because those are wife duties, then I will no longer do husbandly duties, which means paying for all the bills. If she can't contribute in terms of helping me out, then she needs to help out with bills. Especially since I already do everything for her. > >Heck, if someone was paying for my education and my other needs, I would be quick to lick their shoes clean after they stepped in mud not giving then attitudes for basic tasks. &#x200B; [**Update - AITAH for no-longer doing "husbandly duties" after my girlfriend complains about having to do "wifely duties" and we aren't married?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15dl4n1/update_aitah_for_nolonger_doing_husbandly_duties/) **- 30th July 2023** So, I have a little update about a situation that I posted on friday. So, on Saturday around 6pm I decided to have a conversation with my ex-girlfriend. At first, I wanted to wait until today but I felt like I just needed to get it done. The intention of this talk was to let her go because I wasn't interested in trying to work things out anymore when it was clear she didn't love or respect me. I also took some advice to record our talk. &#x200B; So, when my ex got back from work, I decided to sit her down and I was upfront with her saying I was unhappy in our current situation. I brought up how I felt used and I was expected to do all these different things for her while I didn't get anything in return. I brought up how I've tried to explain how I felt so many times and at which time she ignored it because she felt like she was always right. I then asked her what made her attitude change and a lot of you guys were correct, she wanted to get married to me but I wasn't getting the hint so she decided if she stopped doing things for me then I would realize how much I needed her. I brought up the fact how I told her from the beginning I wasn't interested in getting married so young and I also told her if she was then our relationship wouldn't work because we were expecting different things. I told her that it would be best if we ended our relationship because this obviously wasn't working for us and I wasn't interested in continuing it. She tried to say that she would change, how she loved me, and how she was being stupid. I was firm and told her that I'm glad she realized how her actions were stupid and maybe she learned her lesson for her next relationship. &#x200B; After I confirmed that I wasn't changing my mind she literally went crazy (mind you I'm still secretly recording). She started screaming how I was a useless piece of shit, how she never loved me, etc. It honestly scared me how she went from calm to a scary lady in a matter of seconds. At this point, she started throwing my stuff at me and even went as far to throw my game station at me which resulted in it getting smashed when it hit the floor. Like that wasn't enough, she went into the kitchen and started throwing glass plates at me while calling me useless b\*tch. At this point, I was pissed and I went into our room and started throwing her shit into a trash bag and threatened to call the police. I didn't even get time to call the police because I guess my neighbors heard all the commotion and called them for me. The police ended up coming to my door and asking about the noise in which I told him the whole situation and how my ex was being really violent towards me. She tried to play it like I was the one who was in the wrong and maybe he would've believed her if I didn't have the video on my phone. He ended up trying to escort her away from my apartment but she refused to leave without her stuff so I had to quickly throw all her shit into trash bags while she waited outside. The cop was kind enough to help because I honestly wanted her away from my home as soon as possible. After all her stuff was collected, she ended up leaving with the cop and that was about 30 minutes ago. &#x200B; Now I'm staying up really late tonight because she still has the key to the apartment and I'm waiting for the 24-hour locksmith to arrive. Though, I was too stressed about remembering the key to my home, she did forget to take the keys to my other car with her so I happily have those.   **Top Comments** *  *You dodged that bullet like your were in the fucking Matrix dude. Nice work man.* * *Major bullet dodged.* &#x200B; *She found out she was losing her cash cow and the easy life she had, and went mad because of it. (Because really, who else is ever going to fund her entire life and schooling?) I would also get cameras just in case she comes back crying for a second chance or being violent. (Also be ready for the “I’m pregnant” ploy and demand proof and a DNA test)* *Maybe in her next relationship she will learn to accept that someone isn’t ready for marriage and not bite the hand that feeds her. I have a feeling she will be too busy working to afford school and an apartment though to think about dating for a while.* *Oh, and press charges for everything she destroyed. You have evidence and she doesn’t deserve the kindness of being let off the hook.* **OOP Replies** >I was thinking about getting cameras for my front door but sadly I can't get ones to watch my car since I live in an apartment   **Flairing as concluded as this relationship definitely looks likes it over.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP wonders if he is the AH for withholding husbandly duties in retailiation to his GF withholding wifey duties.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jnqcw/oop_wonders_if_he_is_the_ah_for_withholding/

15jo8bh

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRA_WifeTD **in** r/offmychest trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!sad overall, OOP makes daughter top priority!<   [**My 28m wife 32f keeps throwing divorce in my face over everything. I just agreed and left.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/11q6flq/my_28m_wife_32f_keeps_throwing_divorce_in_my_face/) **- 13th March 2023** I am currently staying with my sister. My wife and I have been together for 5 years married for 4. We had known each other for years prior. We have 1 kid together who is 4. I am the primary breadwinner in the house as she is a SAHM. It was her choice not to go back to work. For the last year and a half, we have been having arguments about 1-2 times a month. To be clear I do help out with our daughter, I clean, cook, and am involved with both of them. The first time she said she wanted a divorce was when we got into an argument when my sister called and asked if she could stay with us for a bit as she was having relationship problems(ironic). I said she could. My wife was not happy about that. I pointed out that her friend stayed with us a couple of months prior for 5 weeks and didn't do anything around the house. Plus she was just there. No discussion no nothing. She was a stranger to me and my daughter. My sister is lovely and has a great relationship with our daughter and I thought my wife was as well. She ended up staying with us for a week helping out around the house, cooking, cleaning, and watching out daughter when needed. &#x200B; I thought we both forgave each other and moved on. The fights are usually over something small 90% are not started by me. I have suggested therapy and counseling but she always said she/we never needed it. Well, I had it last night. She picked a fight saying I was spending too much time at work. And that she feels abandoned and that I'm not a good father ended her rant with I want a divorce. I stood up and told her that the only reason I work so much is because she can't stop spending my(EDIT: at the time of the argument I used OUR money. Typing it out it came out as my money on accident. We agreed to spit the Money into bills, future savings, future daughter, and fun money) money on things we don't need or use. She refused to get a job or go to school to help her out. I provide for the family. For my daughter. I'm always at her important dates, functions, doctor's appointments anything she needs. She refused to get help through therapy or counseling. I don't want this anymore ill have my lawyer send her the papers when she writes it up. I got my daughter's things and left with her to my sisters. &#x200B; It has been 2 days and she keeps calling and texting saying she is sorry. She didn't mean it. She wants to go to counseling and therapy. She needs me. She misses me. Etc. I don't know what to do. I love her. She is a good mother. But I can't do this anymore. Internet strangers, please help. (Yes I have a lawyer. For my family and work. I have known her since I was a teen)   **Comments from the OOP** *I have offered several times in the past to help her with finding work or going back to school. Every time, she would shut it down immediately. I told her I would reduce my hours to help, but we would have to cut back on spending. I know parenting is a full-time job. I proposed options. My sister offered to watch her for the week if my wife had classes or work. My sister I genuine and nice to everyone. She is not a gossip or a person who talks behind your back.* *I do 98% of the cooking, I do the grocery shopping, and 80% of the cleaning, in charge of bath time as well as getting her to bed and waking her up in the morning. All of this while working 60 hours a week. Being at my sister's last couple of days with my daughter showed me that I was doing most of the work. Not much has changed. Just finding what show or game she wants to play. I would gladly switch with her. I hate working so much. I miss my family and miss my daughter.* *My wife's friend was a stranger to me. I had never met her or seen her. She was mentioned, I think, 2 times during our relationship. She wasn't at our wedding. My wife and she were friends in high school. But I guess she moved and lost touch. Years later, she called out of the blue and moved in. Yes, she was a stranger.* *I know my wife is a good mom. I have had the last few days off of work as it was the weekend. I have this week off as well. When we had our daughter, we agreed on a plan for budgeting until my wife would go back to work or school. We broke it down into bills paid, future savings, daughters' future, and fun money. Over the last year because of unnecessary spending. It was unnecessary... we couldn't put anything towards future savings. Also, the bonus I got was already spent before I got it.* *I'm not blameless by any means. I work so much to provide a good life for my wife and daughter. I have fought for our relationship. It is hard to keep fighting when all my partner does is kick me when im down. I try not to do it when my daughter is around, but my wife doesn't care who is in the room.* **Comment from the** u/EJo72 *The fact you took your child from your wife who you admit is a good mum and is a SAHM speaks volumes, you have taken away her purpose without any care for how that must feel. Your wife sounds like she is depressed, excessive spending and having no enthusiasm around the house are both common symptoms, she’s lonely and using divorce in arguments as a way to seek assurance that you still want to be with her, she sounds insecure and needs help.* **OOP Replies** >There has been a lot going on since I first posted. But I want to point out some things that it seems was missed or looked over. I would do everything again if I had to, including taking my daughter. I have pushed her to go out, find a job, get a hobby, meet new friends, and do something, anything. I reached it to people to help out. Asked about seeing someone for help. she would not listen or consider ANYTHING I have presented. She kept saying no. Or she was not the problem. > >My daughter is my priority. I don't fight with my wife in front of her or around her. I grew up in a bad household. I have been in the position where my dad got angry at my mom. My mom left, and my dad took it out on me. I don't ever want that for her. I don't know what my wife was going to do that night. > >You can't force someone to get help. They have to want it. ACTUALLY want it. If you force someone, they will go through the motions just to make it look like they changed. I'm not blameless in this. But I can't raise my daughter with her thinking this is okay behavior. Or his is how relationships are supposed to be like. I decided when I was young that I would never be like my dad. &#x200B; [**Update My 28m wife 32f keeps throwing divorce in my face over everything. I just agreed and left.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15e5e48/update_my_28m_wife_32f_keeps_throwing_divorce_in/) **- 30th July 2023 (5 months later)** Hello all. Unfortunately, this is not a "*sun shine and rainbows update*." I posted a few months back about how my wife kept throwing divorce in my face on a regular basis. That was until I did okay got my daughter and left. I needed to vent so I posted here(check profile for original). To clarify some questions I have gotten, I'll refer to one of my comments on my og post. >I want to point out some things that it seems was missed or looked over. I would do everything again if I had to, including taking my daughter. I have pushed her(wife) to go out, find a job, get a hobby, meet new friends, and do something, anything. Asked about seeing someone for help. she would not listen or consider ANYTHING I have presented. She kept saying no. Or she was not the problem. > >My daughter is my priority. I don't fight with my wife in front of her or around her. I grew up in a bad household. I have been in the position where my dad got angry at my mom. My mom left, and my dad took it out on me. I don't ever want that for her. I don't know what my wife was going to do that night. > >You can't force someone to get help. They have to want it. ACTUALLY want it. If you force someone, they will go through the motions just to make it look like they changed. I'm not blameless in this. But I can't raise my daughter with her thinking this is okay behavior. Or his is how relationships are supposed to be like. I decided when I was young that I would never be like my dad. &#x200B; Okay. So after I made my post, I had a bunch to think about. I decided that I had to make sure she knew how serious I was. We sat down, and I flat out told her that I couldn't do this anymore. The fighting and threatening of divorce has to stop. (She agreed and said she would not say it). I told her that the next time it was thrown out, it would be the last time. We agreed to go to couples therapy. It was eye-opening. Thing were said, feelings were brought up, and outside perfessional views helped us understand the other better. After a few sessions, I thought we were doing better. She started to apply herself more. She looked and obtained a job. Made some friends and got a hobby. &#x200B; That was until an argument started because we had plans in regards to our daughter that she "overlooked" and couldn't cancel the other plans she had made with some new coworkers. At what I considered the end of the argument she said under her breath "I knew marrying you was a mistake" I looked at her and the thing I rember most is how I did not recognize the woman that was standing there. She looked different to my eyes. I didnt know who the woman was in front of me was. I asked her to repeat herself. She said, "I should have divorced you years ago." I walked away and took my daughter to the plans alone, just us two. I ended up filling for legal separation. Under the terms we both signed was something along the lines of while separated, we are still legally married and will not get involved with anyone during this time period. finances will be separated but bills will stay as currently split. I would still pay for insurance through work. Other things that were in it were therapy sessions would continue both as individuals and couples. I would move in with my sister, and we had shared custody of our daughter 70 (me) - 30 (her). &#x200B; One day, when I had my daughter, I needed my wife to take her. I let her know a week before, and she agreed. The morning of at 7:30 I went to drop her off at the house and noticed an unfamiliar car in the driveway. My first thought was, "She must have a friend girlfriend over." I go ring the doorbell (out of respect but still odd ringing your own doorbell) and wait with my daughter when a shirtless man about 20 opens the door and asks who am I and what do I want. I asked for my wife he calls her, and she comes around the corner in a robe and her fave goes from curious-shocked-horrified-sad. Need less to say in 3 months' time when the legal separation ends. I'm filing for a decree of dissolution of marriage. &#x200B; My daughter is safe, she doesn't understand what's going on other than daddy and mommy are not happy with echother. As stated above, she is my priority. I guess I did do the one thing i never wanted to do. The one thing i promised myself i would never become. But i guess it could be helped. I end up just like my parents. I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I hope I can just show how much love I have for my daughter and raise her the best I can. Thanks for the support, comments, love, and criticism. &#x200B; **OOP on Dissolution of marriage** *Dissolution of marriage is the fancy way do say divorce. It just means the decree is the Court order that ends the marriage.* **OOP on the other man** *He was just as surprised when I asked to see my wife. He said something like I didn't know own you were married. Then said I'm sorry, bro. He was just a one night stand.*   **Top Comment** *That's fkn hard. One day your daughter will know what her dad did to protect her. I hope you find peace in your life OP.* **OOP Replies** >I hope she will. Thank you. &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as it looks like the marriage is over.**  **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP's wife keeps threatening divorce. He agrees and leaves.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jo8bh/oops_wife_keeps_threatening_divorce_he_agrees_and/

15jsvc9

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Present-Hope4502 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warnings: >!Grief and Loss, Infidelity, Threats, Emotional Distress, Divorce.!< mood spoilers: >!Betrayal, heartbreak, Emotional Healing, New Beginnings!< --- &nbsp; ***Feel free to scroll to the last update if you read the [Original BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14onpf8/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*** [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/141c8bz/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Mon, June 05, 2023 I’m honestly not sure where to start so I guess I’ll just start. My husband and I have been dating since I was 19 and he was 22. We’ve been married for six years now. We have two kids and I’m six months pregnant with our third. Two years ago I found out my dad has stage three colon cancer. My dad is my only parent as my mom passed away when I was 12. He’s my favorite human and life without him doesn’t seem as colorful. His laugh is contagious and he gives these big bear hugs that seem to make all of your broken pieces feel like they’re perfectly in place again. Whenever I’ve had a hard day he doesn’t poke and prod and just lets me vent and listens. About five months ago we discovered the treatments aren’t working for him and in direct quote of the doctor he said “months not years.” Since then he’s gotten progressively worse and now is losing memory. He looked at the dog he got for me on my 21st birthday and said “wow that’s a nice dog, where’d you get it?” My husband has been my absolute rock. He has been there for me holding my hand and helping me through this. He’s been so loving and attentive to both my kids and I. Don’t get me wrong, I am a mother first always. I don’t allow myself to wallow. My kids are still loved, cared for, played with, and I haven’t let my load slack around the house. Once my dad got his updated prognosis my husband encouraged me to quit my job. About a month later we discovered we were pregnant again and I still hadn’t let go of my job, I kept holding out for some reason. After finding out I was pregnant again he ensured me it was still okay to quit my job, that honestly it would save us a small fortune on daycare costs anyways. So I did, I quit my job. My best friend and I have been friends since diapers. Her family is like my family and vice versa. My mom and her mom grew up together. We’ve always been solid and right after my dads appointment when we found out he had so little time left I drove straight to her house and she held me while I cried for hours. If there are soulmates in friend form, she was mine. “Thick as thieves” is what my mom used to say. This morning as I was up with my three year old (he’s sick) my husbands work alarm was going off. He has a few he sets so I turned that one off and gently woke him up, he said he was up late working so he took the morning off. Rolled over and went back to sleep. As I went to turn off the remained of his alarms I saw a text from my friend on his Lock Screen that said “I’m assuming since there hasn’t been an angry pregnant lady on my doorstep you haven’t told her about us yet?” Time froze in that moment. I took his phone and walked away and just read their conversations. Four months this man has been fucking my best friend. Four months these people have been lying to my face. And I know what you’re going to say, you should’ve seen the warning signs. But I’ve been clutching this phone in my hand for two hours and nothing. He has been so loving and attentive to me, but he always has been. So kind and gentle. There has been no late night work nights except for once in a blue moon, there has been no lingering touches between them or even glances. They act as they have since the day I first introduced them. How sick is it that she calls him her brother but she screws him? I know so many people get a moment of clarity in situations like this but I have none. Aside from being sad about my dad, I haven’t changed. I’m still a loving wife and mother. I still doted on him and my children. I talk to him about how he is doing and how was his day every freaking day. I haven’t allowed the ground to swallow me whole. I know what I have to do now, but I just don’t want to. I’m about to lose my family and my support system in one blow. I’ll confront him tomorrow. Today? Today I just need this last 24hrs of peace. As for her? I won’t give her the satisfaction of a response. I don’t care why she did it. She did it and it’s done. I was always the friend who cleaned up her messes. After today I will cut her out of my life like she never mattered at all. This has to be the hardest storm I’ll ever weather, but damn it I know it’ll sail through it. If not for me, for my children. &nbsp; [**UPDATE 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/141c8bz/comment/jn29jwy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, June 06, 2023 A small update about everything going on since my kids are now in bed for the night. I spent the morning gathering everything I could and making a check list. I sat in my office for the better part of the morning telling my husband that I was preparing things for my dad. Not a total lie I did have to get him sorted with hospice today. My boss would be happy to have me back, however my lawyer said pump the breaks on that idea for the time being. However my old boss did tell me that whenever I’m ready, the door is open and to just give her a call. He does not have access to my inheritance from my father nor my mother. My lawyer ensured me in that. I didn’t mention her in the post but my MIL is an absolute angel. I love and adore her so much and she’s always been a shoulder to lean on. After he had gone to work for the afternoon I asked my now ex best friends mom and my MIL to meet me at my dads house. My kids were outside playing with now ex-bffs older brother. I just handed them the screenshots, saving them from the unsavory pictures and sex tape though I did tell them it existed. To say they were furious was an understatement, and they are on my side completely. Angie, my now ex-bffs mom, is ready to cut contact with her daughter completely. She kept repeating how sorry she was. We hugged and cried together. My MIL told me she couldn’t believe she raised a spineless terrible human. That no matter what happens I will always have her and as far as she’s concerned she doesn’t have a son, only a daughter. After an in person meeting with my lawyer we went over finances, logistics, and everything you could think of. She has all of the proof and she’s out for blood. With this post now on TikTok I don’t want him to find out by an app because one look at the story and he’d know it was about him. With permission from my lawyer. My ex bff, her mom and dad, my stbx and his parents will be having a get together tomorrow. By the time they’re sitting down and showing them everything and that I know. My dad, my kids, and my ex-bffs brother (he’s coming to help me juggle the kids and my dad, being big and pregnant doesn’t help with mobility) will be at my dads cabin a few hours away enjoying time and space. I know a lot of people were hoping for me to get revenge or do psychological warfare but honestly after my kids went to bed I took a shower and just broke. I don’t have the strength or energy to dish anything out. I just want out. Pretending like everything was okay today was too exhausting and I just don’t want to do it. Once he finds out tomorrow I’ll update with aftermath, as I’m sure it will be huge. As for now, thank you all so much for your kindness, warmth, and support. Truly. Your words have helped giving me the strength to keep my head above water. I appreciate every single last one of you for everything &nbsp; [**UPDATE 2**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Present-Hope4502/comments/142uhj6/update_to_my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, June 06, 2023 For my typing sake I’m going to give everyone (fake) names so for context MIL & FIL: Ruth and Joe EX-bff parents: Angie and Bob Ex bff- Jess STBX - Tyler Ex bffs brother- Jake And I’ll just refer to my dad as dad. I have a few things I want to get through so I’ll just summarize as best as I can and if you have any questions I’ll answer in the comments. To get this out of the way because to me it feels important. Yesterday I scheduled a same day appointment with my OBGYN and got tested for just about every STD/STI out there. I got the results for most back and they were all negative. There’s a few that take up to two weeks to get the results back for, so I’ll be waiting on those. When I met with my lawyer I brought everything on my end financially wise, including the wills from both my dad and my mom and I managed to get my hands on his financial documents. He stores his in his office in a locked box. I also brought over everything we had set up financially for my children. While I’m not totally sure if it’s everything I am pretty confident I got most of it. My lawyer was happy I managed to get my hands on that much. Ruth even handed over her will to me from both her and Bob to ensure I was taken care of in the divorce. My lawyer understands I am wanting a divorce immediately, however she wants to make sure she is thorough and isn’t missing any key info. So hopefully I’ll have actual divorce papers to give him in about 30 days. I’m not rushing her though, I’m letting the professional do her job. Now for the sit down. I asked Angie and Ruth to describe everything in detail on what happened. Angie, the revenge seeker that she is, forced them to sit through a SLIDE SHOW she put together of all of the texts. I know a lot of you were concerned about one of them telling them sooner than later but they were so secretive they didn’t even tell their significant others about what was happening. Once the slide show ended Tyler tried lunging for Jess and Joe actually had to force him to sit down. Tyler was shouting profanities at Jess and telling her she will “regret this”. Jess started crying and begging her parents for forgiveness. Bob looked his daughter in the eye and told her he will never forgive her for this, blood or not she is no daughter of his. He didn’t raise his daughter to be this person. Jess was always a daddy’s girl so I think that cut her pretty deep. Jess is in the middle of a divorce herself and her parents were giving her money for her lawyer and they told her she is cut off from them both financially and physically. Tyler’s dad was irate. According to Ruth he looked like he was holding back on throttling him. From there Tyler went straight home. I know because we have a ring doorbell camera along with a few cameras in the house for our kids to keep an eye on them when we aren’t right next to them. Tyler came home and saw that most of mine and the kids stuff was gone and he lost it. Started yelling and throwing things. The house is now trashed with a few holes in the walls for decoration. When he didn’t find us there he went to my dads. While I did spend most of the day he was at work packing and moving things into my dads house, we were already at his cabin. Tyler took a baseball bat to my dads door trying, and failing, to break it down. My dads neighbor actually called the cops on him and he was arrested. His parents refuse to bail him out. I had an appointment with my therapist today, I’ve had one for a year now since I was struggling with my dad, and it felt good to just cry it out and let everything out about how I was feeling. It was very helpful and she gave me a few tools to work through my emotions with this one. I felt very grounded and empowered leaving my session today. I’m also planning on setting up my children with a therapist when we get back from the cabin to figure out the best way to deal with telling them. I know people said I shouldn’t, but I will be telling them, just in an age appropriate way. I don’t want there to be secrets and lies between us. I’ve always been as open and honest as I can with them, again in the most kid appropriate way. Just because they’re small humans, they’re still humans and still deserve the truth. I had a handful of comments telling me I should stay and every man cheats. I should work things out because most of our marriage was good. I refuse to believe all men cheat. My parents were married for 20 years and after my mom passed my dad never moved on. I watched my dad love my mom for 12 of those years and cherish her. I will not accept anything less than that kind of love. He never cheated nor did she. While I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to move on, falling in love is the absolute last thing on my mind at the moment, I refuse to let Tyler win and destroy love for me completely. I will move on from this. Jess started blowing up my phone demanding I fix this situation and immediately blaming me. My lawyer told me to not block texts just in case they spill out an additional info I was missing. She was playing the poor me card very hard. The thing is though, I never influenced Angie and Bob to cut contact with their daughter, they made that choice on their own. She actually started blaming me for stealing the love of her life, I introduced them when Tyler and I started dating so not sure where that came from, and that Tyler is only with me for the kids. Honestly, I knew she was just trying to hurt me at that point. I didn’t give her the satisfaction of responding though. Between her and Tyler I have about 200 missed calls. Tyler went from begging and pleading me to forgive him (like I said I didn’t have divorce papers to hand him so he’s stuck in this unknown gray area. I also asked Angie and Ruth to not say anything about the divorce to him yet. Purely just for my satisfaction honestly. I know it’s slightly petty but keeping him in that gray area of not knowing is my small revenge to him) to threatening to call the cops on me for kidnapping, telling me Jess wasn’t the only one (bingo, just what I was looking for), to telling me I’m a “stuck up bitch” to threatening me, to back to begging me for forgiveness. Honestly it was just a whiplash reading those texts. I’d be lying in saying if those texts didn’t hurt me and terrify me all at once, but I refuse to let them break me. As for both of them together, I don’t think he is going to stay with her. I think he blames her for blowing up our marriage honestly. Who knows though, they deserve each other. I was initially okay to do a 50/50 split with Tyler for custody, but after his reaction I don’t feel comfortable with that, so I’ll likely be going for full custody. Jake has about 30 days of leave he’s saved up and he’s going to be using them to help the kids and I get settled at my dads house and honestly to be there in case Tyler tries showing up going crazy again. He’s been such a big help to the kids and I lately and I’m forever in his debt for this. Last night after the kids went to bed he hooked up his Xbox and we played a game called Diablo 4 together to help me take my mind off of things. It was fun. However, he did sort of confess that he’s always had feelings for me somewhere in the midst of things, but also told me to not say or do anything back. He understands a relationship or anything like that isn’t on my mind and won’t be for awhile (he isn’t wrong), but just that he’s felt that way since we were teenagers and just wanted to get it off his chest. Thank you again. Seriously, your comments, your support, your messages, all of it has been one giant breath of fresh air. Just knowing I have a whole online community willing to go to bat for me has kept me treading water these last couple days. Your comments have popped in my head when I felt like just giving up on leaving him because it’s so hard and gave me so many great points and helpful advice. I know I deserve more and I can’t accept his actions. And to the people who commented relating to my situation, my heart goes out to you all. This pain is awful and I hate that so many of you can relate, but your stories have resonated deep within me. You all keep commending me for my strength and my personal favorite is telling me how proud of me you are. Every time I see those words I start to tear up (I’m blaming the pregnancy hormones), but your words have helped put me at ease so that way I could do what I knew I needed to do. So I’ll leave this here for now. If anything of importance happens when I go back home I’ll update further. Thank you all, and I hope you have a wonderful evening. &nbsp; ***Questions in the comments*** **hobbitbones** >I'm sure many of us would like to know, have you told your lawyer that you want to go for full custody? And have you saved those messages your stbx said with threats toward you and your children? I'm sure you have since you saved screenshots of messages the first time, you've handled this really well. You've done all the right things to gather evidence and protect yourself, I'm proud of you! And I really wish the best for you and your children. <3 **OOP** >>I forwarded everything to her as well as telling her he was arrested and she responded with “full custody?” And I agreed. >> >>Thank you, truly so much ❤️ *A comment deleted after an overwhelming number of downvotes faulted OP for taking her kids' father away from them. To this OOP replied:* >I’m not taking away their father. I will not keep them from him at all. But yes, I will most likely go for full custody. Not out of bitterness or spite because I could simply never be that person. There is zero excuse for punching holes in walls, and trying to break down my dads door, threatening to unalive me, unalive our children. If he wants to see them I will allow supervised visits. Maybe in the future if he gets therapy and help for those thoughts and actions I’ll allow it. For now my mind is made up. >You may see it as running away, but I see it as taking space to comprehend what has happened to my life and allow myself breathing room. My entire future I had carved out for myself and my children has exploded right in front of my face. That deserves breathing room. And yes, I allowed others to confront what they did to me, simply because I don’t have the mental capacity. My focus is on my kids and my dad, everything else is background noise. Honestly even if I did confront them myself, my in laws and ex friends parents would’ve had their own confrontation regardless. >I am fully aware I will have to face the music one day, however today is not that day and I plan on enjoying that for the time being. **People doubted if OOP's story was true as the break between updates was quite short, with comments like:** >All this in one day and a half? **To which OOP replied:** >>My doctors appointment took an hour at max, most OBs do same day appointments for urgent reasons. I just moved clothing and some toys and any of my important things to my dads which is 15 minutes away from my home with help from quite a few people. To be honest it wasn’t even a lot of stuff to move anyways. It all fit in the bed of my FILs pick up. I was lucky that a lawyer had a same day opening spot and gathered documents that are all stored in one spot because I keep them organized. I already have weekly virtual therapy sessions which just so happened to be today which was an hour. >>All I did was give my in laws and ex bffs parents the screenshots and saw them for about two hours before I headed home. Which I usually spend time with my dad in the evenings so he was fully aware of where I was, but I asked him to stay home and start on dinner instead of coming. And drive to a cabin. I found out yesterday around 6-7am. Do people not understand how little actually happened? *OOP's ex-bff found the post and made a comment. I messed it up in my previous post but u/TotallyStoned3 was able to find the already deleted comment. Thanks btw* **Jess** >I was hoping it wasn’t u when I saw this on TikTok but obviously it is u, Kirstyn. I TOLD U to break up w him. I TOLD U Tobias was in love w me. u refused to listen. I told u my husband left me bc he was cheating but it was bc Toby told me we could run away together and we could be together. u ruined everything and now he won’t speak to me??? u need to clean ur mess up instead of posting on socials being a pathetic POS. ur unbelievable. did u think I wouldn’t see this and find out? I hope u miscarry. **Technical_Pumpkin_65's** (*Also somebody in OOP's life*) **reply to Jess** >>Are you serious Jade (*Apparently Jess' real name*)? Coming here and playing the victim you disgusting fake human being! Not only that but you expose yourself by telling the real names, now everyone will know it’s you in your entourage. >>You are so jealous and have a Huge obsession with Kirstyn that you ruined your own life after all the mess you created. It’s obvious Toby never loved you but just wanted to use you for his pleaser. There is nothing more easier to manipulated than a jealous freak who have a obsession with him. If he really wanted to run away with you he would have done it a long time ago but he lied to your face with the one big excuses ever, i stay for the kids. Hahaha you are the clown wh*** here not victim, that’s why even your own parents cut you out from their lives too. >>You are such a shame as a woman but also as human being ,you pretend to be friend and betrayed not only her but your family and your own husband ! Can’t wait to hear what will happen to you when more people will know around you, you will finally receive the treatment you deserve specially after wishing her to lose her baby. Karma will do his job now! **OOP's reply to Jess** >>you told me to break up with him when I was 19 and you were engaged to another man. You never said why. You never said anything about him, because if you did I never would’ve been married and you would’ve been cut out sooner. >> >>Also, no >> >>I put fake names in the post to protect your identities, but if you want to blast yourself to the public, that’s your choice not mine. &nbsp; [*UPDATE 3*](https://www.reddit.com/u/Present-Hope4502/comments/142uhj6/comment/jnuflyq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Mon, June 12, 2023 Hi everyone. I know a lot of people are still asking for an update. Not much has happened but here are the things that have happened. - Tyler discovered the post and asked me if I was seeking a divorce. I said I was. He apologized for losing his cool. Asked if there was any hope for reconciliation, I said no. We did have a conversation about the kids, and he’ll be allowed to see them with supervision to which he agreed to. - I had another meeting with my lawyer, nothing of major importance happened. - Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing has happened with Jake. He didn’t take back his confession but as I said it’s on the back-burner for a long while. My kids health and well-being take priority over all else. - my dads health is on a steady decline. He’s now in the hospital with no release date in the immediate future. Please send over thoughts and well wishes his way. - my kids are adjusting well. We have a therapy appointment for them scheduled next week to help them. My oldest has more questions then the rest but I’m trying to save any big conversations for the therapy appointment so I know I’m conveying the answers in a meaningful and the least harmful way. Also my oldest made try outs for the traveling soccer league, yay! :) oh and the baby is doing great! Things have calmed down a lot. Truly. I feel like I have a better grip on things. I’ve been putting most of my focus on my dad and kids to keep myself busy. Thanks you friends for the love, support, and for checking in ❤️ &nbsp; [**NEW UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Present-Hope4502/comments/157ayft/update_one_month_later/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, July 23, 2023 Hey everyone. I’m still getting daily messages and comments for an update, so here is what could possibly be my final one. My dad passed away about a week after my last update. I knew it was coming, but it still feels like a gut punch. Thank you for everyone who kept him in your thoughts. Truly. My marriage has officially ended. Once Tyler (I believe that’s the fake name I assigned to him please don’t call me out if it’s not, it’s been awhile) discovered just how serious I was about leaving him he became compliant and was willing to give me everything I asked for in the divorce. So my lawyer opted for a dissolution vs divorce. The process is a lot quicker and went smoothly. As of right now I have full custody while he works out his anger management and whatnot with therapy. I’m not sure if I’ll ever trust him again with the kids, but I’m also in therapy as well are my kids. I’m not making any decisions at all right now when it comes to that. He gets supervised visits at a facility where there is an army of staff and security and someone is there at all times. That’s once a week, and he does get video calls twice a week. The kids are adjusting pretty well. There are days when I think it affects them more, but they’ve suffered some big losses so it’s to be expected. I did decide to give the baby my dad’s first name though. It just felt right. But baby is doing so very well and is thriving despite the amount of stress I’ve had going on. I’m managing as best as I can with everything going on. I miss my dad like crazy and I’m still trying to figure out how to exist in a world where he doesn’t. The grief still is so very heavy. I'm still mourning my marriage as well. I don’t regret leaving him, but it still hurts me deeply. However, I’m picking up the pieces and making my life whole without him. My MIL (well ex-mil now I guess? Idk still feels weird) and Angie help me out so much. They’ve really allowed me to lean on them in these moments. Whether it be taking the kids for a little while or cooking dinner for us when I don’t have the energy. I truly am so lucky to have them. And finally to what you all have been waiting to hear about, Jake. Jake is now back in California, he tried extending his leave but the military said no. It was truly wonderful having him there and helping me. In the first few days after my dads passing he picked up so much slack for me that I will truly never be able to repay him for it. He is so patient and kind. That being said, nothing has happened between us. Though he did hold me while I broke down after the kids went to bed quite a few times. But that’s the extent of it. No kissing or anything like that. He does call me and text me multiple times a day. Right now I just don’t have any room in my life for romance. I have so much grief and the weight of being a single mom has been heavy. He hasn’t pushed me on it either. He let me know that he meant every word he said and that he’s willing to just be my friend until I decide I want more, if I ever decide I want more with him. I wish I could be the girl that jumps in with both feet, but the betrayal from my ex is still fresh and I’m worried I would burn anything out before it started. So I asked for friends and time to process everything else in my life before I even consider processing a new relationship. He happily agreed. Oh and Tyler and Jess are not a couple. Most of you were right, he left her high and dry. Though I don’t wish misery on anyone, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I get the smallest amount of satisfaction that her life went up in smoke. She’s been blacklisted from her family. And I know a lot of you said it’s weird that her parents did that, but if you guys knew just how deep my bond went with that family it wouldn’t seem weird at all. Angie is like my surrogate mom. She gave me the safe sex talk, the period talk, she listened to me cry about the boys who broke my heart, she held my hand while I delivered my kids. When she talks about me she calls me her daughter. She knew my mom for practically her whole life. She held my moms hand when she delivered me and if anything had happened to both of my parents, she is who I would’ve gone to live with, my parents had that in their will. So with all of that being said. Please just be kind to me in the comments. I put this off for a few days because of how hostile some people were and the prospect of being called a liar doesn’t sound too appealing at the moment. Again, I can’t thank you for the amount of light and love I’ve received from you. I promise I read every comment and message, I just haven’t had the capacity to respond. You have really helped brighten my days with all of your words of encouragement. I appreciate you all. I am so lucky to have an army of internet friends, you guys are the best <3 This is it for now, I probably won’t post anything else for a while. I’m still trying to find my footing and I’m trying to get settled in a new routine before I bring a brand new baby in the world. I may come back to this but I may not. Though I do promise I’ll update if anything happens with Jake and I lol. I know so many of you became invested. PS: please excuse any typos, pregnancy insomnia is kicking my ass right now. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My husband is cheating on me with my best friend

NEW UPDATE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jsvc9/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/

15jxt54

**I am NOT OP.** **Original post by** u/ThrowRA_1thatgotaway **and** u/ThrowRA_joetastic **in** r/relationship_advice *Its possible that these are 2 different incidents, but they do seem like the same breakup, each remembers it slightly differently.* *The phrase gaslighting came into popular usage in the mid 2010s according to Wikipedia and the breakup happened roughly in 2015, so it's possible it was in use or Bo used a different term and in his recollection has changed it to the more modern equivalent.* **trigger warnings:** >!none!< **mood spoilers:** >!hilarious, if its true!< [**My(29F) girlfriends tricked me into breaking up with the one that got away(30M) eight years ago. I have an opportunity to reconnect with him now, should I?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1548963/my29f_girlfriends_tricked_me_into_breaking_up/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **24th July 2023**  I knew Bo(not real name, 30M) since we were both 11 years old. We both grew up in a small town, and our families were neighbors and became very close friends. We were the next door neighbor best friends that started dating in our junior year of high school. He took me to prom, to homecoming dance, and we both picked a college that was in the state that had majors we were both interested in. Him, I, our families, friends, our preacher, everyone expected us to get married when we went off to college. The college we went to was three hours from our town, and it was closer to a major city in our state(about half an hour from the big city), and it was a bit of a culture shock for the two of us. Bo had issues at first making new friends, but I sort of jived with the gals in class. My new friends didn't think much of Bo. They kept telling me I could do better than Bo. They thought Bo was slow-witted(he's not; he's just shy with new people). They thought he was too religious(he never was in their faces; he asked only once if they could recommend a church in the area). They said Bo would just pull me back down to our small town, anchor me with children, and we'd both be stuck as hicks. It reached the boiling point on my 21st birthday. Two of my girlfriends came to me claiming they saw Bo cheating on me. They were stone-faced, they kept to their stories, and I foolishly believed them. I confronted Bo and started screaming at him. Bo didn't apologize, he didn't beg and plead. Instead, he got cold and mad. He said that he never trusted my friends, that they were playing me, and he thought I was better than this. I didn't believe him and I let him walk away. He promised that if I took their word without even looking at them critically, that we were over. And, he kept his word. From that day, he wouldn't even look at me. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't acknowledge I existed. For the rest of college, he never dated anyone. He just worked, went to class, and graduated early. My friends, they set me up on a ton of dates. I had a bit of a wild college ride, something I am a bit ashamed of now, honestly. Once I graduated, I tried to get established in life, but my college friends, they kept just wanting to hang out, chill, or party. It honestly got tiring, and I couldn't believe I had to energy to do this for nearly 4 years while getting an education! It was when I was 23 that one of the girls called me a stick in the mud and said something along the lines of "I can't believe we went through the effort of breaking you up with Bo if you were just going to become a wallflower!" I couldn't believe it. She went into detail about how easy it was, and I felt disgusted. I didn't give Bo another thought after the break-up. I thought he was a cheater, and I told my family, who told his family and it strained his relationship with his mom for many years. But after that point, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I told my family the truth about what happened with Bo. This apparently helped repair the relationship Bo had with his mother. Apparently, Bo's mom liked me quite a bit, and she went out of her way to sabotage Bo's relationships with any girl he brought over to meet the parents. My mom said Bo's mom did it very discreetly, but after finding out the truth, Bo's mom came clean and Bo nearly cut her out of his life. She apparently begged and pleaded, and was able to work from there. I have many unfinished drafts of emails to Bo; some saying I wish to catch up, others begging for forgiveness and pleading for him to come back to me. But any news I got on Bo after the blow up with his mom has been sparse. Bo doesn't do social media, and I had no idea where he lived. I found out this year that Bo has been married for three years, and has a two year old son. He has moved back to our home town, and I saw him at the grocery store when I went to visit my parents two weeks ago. He didn't see me, or at least I think he didn't. But, there he was with his wife and child and I instantly felt a swirl of emotions. Jealously, rage, regret, depression. Even now seeing him with his full family, I still want to beg him for a chance, which makes me feel awful, but at the same time I feel like I should at least say my piece. I talked to my mom about it, and all she said was "The chicken's come home to roost. Don't make trouble for Bo." I just know that if I can't talk to Bo one last time, I will regret it for the rest of my life. What do I do? Should I contact Bo? **Edited to Add: I emailed Bo last night. I'll put the content here:** *"Hi Bo, it's me, Amy! I know it's been years since we talked, and I wanted to apologize for how we broke up. I also want to apologize for how it spread back to our families. I know now that Tracy and Stephanie were hellbent on breaking us up anyway they could, and I can't begin to apologize for the hurt it has caused you. I'll be back in town in a few weeks and was wondering if we could have a coffee and catch up. I want to know what's been going on with you in your life."* **This morning I got a reply from Bo.** *"Amy, I want you to know that I have forgiven you years ago. I hope you are doing well, but I would have to say no to coffee or catching up. My wife and I have a strict rule that neither of us hang out with exes. I hope you understand."* I tried emailing him to say he could for sure bring his wife with him, but he's not replied since. I guess you were right, there was no chance to reconnect. &#x200B; **Top Comment** *I found out this year that Bo has been married for three years, and has a two year old son.* >And that's where you need to leave it. Seriously. He's had people on both sides sabotaging his relationships for so long. Your friends, his mom... and at this point your desire to seek another go with him will be more of the same. He's married, he's settled, he has a family. While shit happened, there's no undoing it and at this point you must deal. &#x200B; **'Bo' posts separately and Reddit connects the dots.** [**My (M30) younger sister (F26) wants me to give an old ex (F29) closure. I'm married, and don't see how this will do any good. Why is my sister insistent on this? - 28th July**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15bvims/my_m30_younger_sister_f26_wants_me_to_give_an_old/) Posted elsewhere, but was told to post here instead since it involves familiar relationships. Lurker, posted on a throwaway. When I was young, I had a girlfriend that was my best friend long before we dated. We had a break-up midway through college where she said some vile things to me. It was hard, but I made it a choice to walk away. I became the butt-end of the joke after the break-up, and honestly the mocking and teasing I got from other students in college was enough that I fast tracked my way to a degree, much to the detriment to my health. Seeing how she moved on quickly made me question our childhood friendship too, so there was that. It took a few years and I moved on with my life. Got married just a few years ago and have a son. About a month ago, my ex emailed me with an apology over the break-up and asking if we could catch up. I thanked her for the apology, but said that I think meeting up is not a good idea. Since then, she's been emailing me every few days. Both our families are friends, and my younger sister has been pressuring me to give my ex a face-to-face for 'closure'. No one else in my family is so insistent. My sister, when we were younger, looked up to my ex as an 'older sister', but last I heard it's been years since they talked. One thing is for sure, I don't want to talk to my ex, but I also want to keep my relationship with my sister. How do you suggest I navigate my relationship with my sister? &#x200B; ETA: My wife saw every email as they came in. Nothing was hidden from her. I blocked the ex this morning, and my wife is a little bummed out because she was enjoying reading my ex's emails and how strange they were. I shared the thread with my sister, no response yet. &#x200B; And someone found a thread on reddit that has a lot of details similar to my ex. I'm 50/50 if it's her, but it reads way too unhinged to the woman I once knew, plus some details are off, but some redditors think it was for plausible deniability. The poster messaged me and it might be her. I can't imagine she's this unhinged. &#x200B; **Second Edit a day later: So I guess I'll update. I'll answer common questions as well as update.** *My sister -* My sister read the thread and read the other post that I'm still 50/50 being the ex(it feels too unhinged which is what makes me not sure, plus some of the details). First off, my sister said she has cut my ex off. She thought that a final conversation was good etiquette with old friends, even if they chose to not be friends. After reading the other post, which my sister is also 50/50 on, she said "even if it's not her, it's close enough that I'm freaked". She never really understood my pain from that situation, since I was pretty bottled up about it while it was happening. I didn't set ultimatums to cut off family members back then and maybe I should have. Might have saved some pain. I did get apologies as well. We're good now. *The Other Redditor -* To clarify - I blocked the woman that posted the other thread, since she seemed unhinged, even if she was or wasn't the ex. The details seemed off too. *The details -* Our hometown isn't a major metropolitan area, but I wouldn't say we were hicks or rednecks. We certainly didn't grow up in the boonies. We grew up in the suburbs. If anything, I think the college was in a town that technically had a smaller population than our hometown. Yes, I do go to church, but I never mention it since religion could be a hot button topic to people you just met, and even back then there was google. I wouldn't ask where a church was in a new town. Both emails she posted, the gist is the same? But the formatting is different. *The Break-up -* I didn't like my ex's college friends, that is true, but the 'confrontation' was not me being some stone-faced terminator. I was angry-crying throughout it. And it was emotionally draining. She first said she heard I was making out with some girl. I asked when and with who. She said she didn't know. I asked who saw it. She said 'Wouldn't you like to know?' Any attempt to say where I was when this happened was her claiming I was 'gaslighting' her. It. was. EXHAUSTING. I said something like I didn't like who college was turning her into and we both shouted we were done. More or less. IT was almost a decade ago, and like I said, it was emotionally exhausting. She immediately was seen with this other dude, who seemed to enjoy humiliating me. Rumors spread about either/both of us cheating, and other dude even said that I watched once, which was humiliating. He one time even put his hand on my shoulder all buddy-buddy going "No hard feelings". I was living in the dorms, my parents put money on a food plan at the dining hall, so I had to stay on campus when I wasn't working. I signed up for extra courses whenever I could and fast-tracked my way to a degree to get out of hell. *My family -* My mother did take my ex's side. I don't know what type of story she got, and she never confronted me about it. I did get disapproving looks at Thanksgiving and Christmas. And she never approved of any girl I brought over for a while either. My mom did call me a few years ago apologizing for not even asking my side of the story and said that my ex was dead to her, so that part of the other post kind of lines up. My mother has made considerable amounts of effort to fix our relationship. She's very welcoming to my wife and child, she doesn't even utter the name of my ex in the house. We're not at 100%, but she's making the effort. *My Wife -* My wife saw every email from my ex. Nothing was ever hidden from her. My wife and I were both 100% against going to meet the ex, together or separate. She was enjoying reading the ex's emails, but understood when the fun had to stop. So for now, I think this is a happy ending?  &#x200B; u/This_Grab_452 shares Bo's post with Amy >I feel like I could die from shame right now. *Is it you?* *The other OP says it’s not.* *Do you still talk to your ex’s sister?* >I am 100% sure it is him! I just sent him a message. He has not responded. Yes, I still talk to his sister. &#x200B; **Bo comments about his sister** *Sister read the thread and all replies. She's apologized and said she's cutting my ex off too. Happy ending!* &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as Bo is not going to meet up with his ex and has blocked her now.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP is tricked into breaking up with BF and tarnishes his reputation. Eight years later she wonders if she should try to reconnect, Ex BF Responds.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jxt54/oop_is_tricked_into_breaking_up_with_bf_and/

15jzsjy

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/Concerned-Mom-Help **in** r/TrueOffMyChest. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* Trigger Warnings: >!Ableism, Mocking Autism, potentially offensive content!< mood spoilers: >!annoying, resolution!< --- &nbsp; [**My son has started "acting autistic"**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12gwmzk/my_son_has_started_acting_autistic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sun, April 09, 2023 My son (16M) recently started following this account on Instagram/Tiktok by this mom who posts videos of her autistic teen son. The kid is low-functioning (I don't know the politically correct way to say this) and he can't talk, can't understand complicated concepts, etc. At first, my son started constantly referencing this account at inappropriate times like family dinner (making jokes about it, randomly showing me edits he made of the account), but that was harmless enough. However, lately, my son has been imitating this kid, and it's ruining my home life. When I ask him to do basic chores, he "stims" instead and refuses to do them. When I ask what he wants for dinner, he lists off ingredients in this weird way that doesn't make any sense (e.g., "chicken, taco, onion"). He won't even answer me in complete sentences anymore when we talk. He's even doing random things around the house like dumping out entire cartons of milk into the sink and refusing to explain himself. At first, I laughed it off, but this is actually making it impossible for my son to talk normally. He even randomly makes these noises when he's talking to his friends, and I've gotten calls home from school. I'm not saying it's bad to be autistic, but my son isn't and never has been, and this has started to interfere with his entire life. &nbsp; [**[UPDATE] My son has started "acting autistic"**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15cf3lq/update_my_son_has_started_acting_autistic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, July 29, 2023 Hi everyone, I didn't think I would do an update, but I found out that my original post had blown up and gotten reposted on other platforms, so I thought I would update you all. After everyone's recommendations in the comments of my original post, I decided to go ahead and restrict my son's access to social media. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to give him 15 minutes of supervised use of his phone every day, in case he had to text his friends. However, whenever this time happened, my son would spend just a couple of minutes checking and quickly answering his texts, and then he spent the rest of the 15 minutes just watching the new videos from/about this account he was obsessed with. He would imitate the kid while watching the videos and show me all the posts about him that he found funny. The first few times when I took away his phone after 15 minutes, he would get upset about it (dropping the autism act) and try to get more time, but that quickly stopped when I threatened to limit the time even more. After over a week, he seemed to still be just as obsessed with this account and imitating the kid's mannerisms, so I thought I might have to take even more measures to make him stop. However, soon afterward, I received a call from my son's school principal. It turns out one of the kids in his class had an autistic sibling and found his behavior offensive and annoying, so they reported him to the principal, who had brought him in to talk and gave him detention and was threatening worse if this continued. This finally brought my son to stop doing this– in school and, after I spoke to him about his principal calling me, at home too. I made him unfollow the account on social media, and then I gave him normal access to his phone again. He has never explained to me what was motivating him to act the way he did, but I think it was a combination of encouragement from his friends (who found his accurate impressions of this kid funny and would call it "going [name of the autistic kid] mode") and using it as a weird way to get out of doing work around the house. A month or so later once this had all blown over, my son was looking at Instagram and saw my original post reposted over a clip of someone playing a video game. He asked me about it, and I told him it was me. He was a bit angry, but I think he realized he couldn't get too mad at me for it after what he had been doing. Just this week, my son saw a fake update post on the same account where someone had made up an "update" to my original post, which I didn't write. Because of that, I thought I should make this update telling you what actually happened. &nbsp; *Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for recommending this BoRU* &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My son has started "acting autistic"

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jzsjy/my_son_has_started_acting_autistic/

15k1xyo

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwraforgotten in r/offmychest** trigger warnings: >!emotional neglect!< mood spoilers: >!sad!< >!hopeful!< --- &nbsp; [**I am done, and I'm am heartbroken. I have no one.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14id5sv/i_am_done_and_im_am_heartbroken_i_have_no_one/) - 25 June 2023 I have been married for 15 years. I have known my wife since I was 8. We have 3 daughters together. 17, 14, and 11. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an outsider in my relationships with all of them. I'm just an ATM and taxi service to my kids. My wife hasn't kissed me in 6 months. She has not said that she loves me in 1.5 years. No matter how much I communicate, try to plan anything or do anything it is always shot down, forgotten, or dismissed. I don't get angry in don't yell. I don't get physical. I like to splurge during birthdays and mothers Day. I throw parties and give gifts and try to show how much I love them. I get a lukewarm, thanks, and if I'm lucky, a side hug that lasts .0001 seconds. This week was the breaking point. Father's Day. I wake up to an empty house. Odd. No note, nothing was written on the calendar, and nothing said beforehand. I send a text, and I get back. "I took the girls out for a spa day, don't wait up." Then nothing, literally nothing. Dinner time comes around, and they get home. How their say was (it was fine). I ask what they would like for dinner. "Nothing we already ate at [one of my favorite restaurants]." Cool, whatever. There is no mention of it being fathers Day. No, I love you, how are you. Nothing. Fast forward to Wednesday. Which was my birthday. Nothing. Literally again, nothing. I suggested plans. They get shot down. I suggested food. Nope, shot down. Ask about watching a movie they are all too busy (they just sat on their phones doing nothing). Now to Thursday night. I'm in bed. My wife is next to me. She rolls over and says in a crappy tone. "Oh, your birthday was the other day. I guess you expect to have sex." That broke something in me(best of my memory of how it went down) I said "no I don't expect sex. At this point, I don't expect anything anymore." Her "what is that supposed to mean?" So I started asking her questions When was the last time we shared a kiss? (Like a week? Nope, it was in December, and it was during her parents' holiday party) When was the last time we had sex? (The beginning of the year? Nope, wrong it has been over a year. She was adamant that we did it in February. I was dealing with my moms health and her passing. So I said something like, "You may have had sex but it wasn't with me.") When was the last time you said you love me? ("I say it all the time." Not to me, check your messages/you don't say it to me face to face. "Well, you should just know I do.") When was the last time we went on a date? (LONG pause) Her: You're being unfair. Emotions turned on fully. I was crying and raising my voice at this point. It asks her how? She can't answer. I asked her how wanting any sign of love from anyone in the house is unfair. If expecting anything for my birthday or Father's Day was unfair. (She got an oh shit look) Yeah, you forgot that as well. I'm not an ATM, I'm not a taxi service, I'm not a punching bag. She asked why this was coming up "out of the blue." It didn't. I have tried to talk to my family and again get dismissed or ignored. I brought up examples. I got an "I didn't know you were serious." "I didn't know it was such a big deal." I left saying something to the point of "If you want to pretend that I'm invisible and don't exist fine, you don't have to pretend anymore." I left the house at almost midnight. On Thursday/ Friday morning. Haven't been home since. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm finally sober enough to think, but I don't know what to do(first time drinking in over 15 years BTW, and i'm not going to drink anymore) I love my family. But I can't keep this up. I don't know what more I can do. I think they would be happier without me. They already act like I don't exist. I can't be the one who is blamed for everything. If I truly am the problem then me not being there should fix it. I can't do it anymore. I have tried to be a good provider, a good partner, and a good dad. Never missed an event of our kids. Never prioritize work. I kept good hours so I could see them more. Took on more responsibility to better our life and future. But, it is never appreciated. It is never enough. I am never enough. I only have one message from my wife "I'm sorry for making you feel that way. We all love you, and we are here for you when you want to come home and talk." That is it. No other messages. No calls. Nothing from the kids. I feel like if they really wanted me there, they would try reaching out more. All of the kids have their own phone. I don't know what she told them. I'm sure they heard me raise my voice. Me raising my voice would have definitely got their attention since i never do. I'm sure they heard me leave. I just don't know. Eta. Thanks, everyone. I did not think anyone would care. You have given me some hope and advice I'm going to look into. I don't know how to respond to a lot of the comments (I know how to just not in words). I'm going to try to figure thing out more. I'm now 100% sober, so my mind, I clearer. I'm going to start meeting with people on Monday and try to come up with options. &nbsp; [**Update I am done and I'm am heartbroken. I have no one.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15e5vku/update_i_am_done_and_im_am_heartbroken_i_have_no/) - 31st July 2023 I have not been well. But am doing better. You guy's have helped me a lot and it means more than you know. I was able to get help through my work they have resources for both therapy as well as legal counsel. But somehow my boss found out I was reaching out and now won't leave me alone but that's unimportant. I know she only has good intentions. So far, I like the new therapist I was able to get an appointment with (I thought there would be a long wait list). She recommended a family/spousal therapist as she focuses more on individuals. I talked to them as well. I got referred to divorce lawyers. I don't want to use them, but I had a talk with them and got an idea of what that route would be like. I'll be like 70% screwed. But we are an at fault state, so if it turns out she is cheating, I'll be okay ish. My kids did reach out after a few days worried. I told them I'm fine, do truly love them, and miss them but needed space and time. For the first time ever, I missed some of their extracurricular activities. I think that is what made them understand something was really wrong. Some other family members/"friends" noticed and started asking questions to all involved. My kids also mentioned how things were not the same without me around, and my wife was struggling. My wife reached out a few times just checking in, "apologizeing," giving me updates on things, and a couple of the times, she asked about the 4th of July. We usually host a party/BBQ. I said I wasn't interested. But, I said that her and I needed to talk alone in person. That happened the weekend after the 4th. Apparently, she was planning the 4th as a surprise bday party for me (after I had left) to make up for forgetting my birthday. But I ruined it as I didn't go and wasn't interested. When we met up to talk, she wasn't alone and brought the kids. I was happy to see them. They seemed happy to see me as well. But I asked for my wife and I to talk alone. When I pointed this out, she said the kids missed me, and it was fine. we can talk with them here.(I believe it was more of a manipulative move). I explained that this was another example of how my feelings or wants get ignored and cast aside. How I have been ignored for a while and how that is not right by anyone. She kept apologizing. I said while I acknowledged the apologies, I don't accept them. Most of the apologies, to me, feel like they are not real. Such as her initial "apology" of "I'm sorry you feel that way." Or they asound forced/just sayong what she thinks i want to hear. Actions speak louder those empty words. I also said that she is setting an example and expectations on how I'm treated and how our daughters will see and treat me and their future relationships. As of now, no one should be treated this way. I think at this point, my wife regretted bringing the kids. My 14 year old took my 11 year old for some snacks. My 17 year old stayed. I flat out asked if there was anyone else. If she was cheating physically/ emotionally or otherwise. She looked like I had just slapped her. She said she would never do that. I asked why she was so adamant about us having sex if February (daughter left at this point) when it has been longer. Why has every part of our romance died within a year span from her part. She didn't know. We talked for an additional 20 min. I finally took out two folders I had with me. One was a separation document (not quite a divorce, but halfway to it). The other was therapist referrals for individuals and couples. I needed her to understand how serious I/this situation was. I asked her to look over each other and ask herself what she wanted. But she had to make the decision and schedule the appointments. I explained that I'm done living this way, and if she chooses to stay with me, then there are going to be major changes occurring both in our relationship and at home. I love the woman I married, had kids with, and built a life together. But I don't know where she went. My kids came back, and my 11 year old was mad I wasn't going back with them that night. I gave my wife time. She contacted me the next day, saying she has made appointments for herself and for her and I. She explained that she set up some bi-weekly individual therapy and we have our first couples therapy early next month. The reason for the wait was so she could establish/work on herself first. I have been using the "Gray Rock" method towards her since the initial incident per yours and my therapist's recommendations. So, it's still a work in progress. I'm not in as dark of a place as I was when I first posted. Some things are better than it was. I'm willing to put in the work, but it won't be one-sided. There is a plan moving forward, so that's a plus. I have been home for a week now but am sleeping in a different room. Some changes have been put in place already, but time will be the real test. As a side notw on the second night of me being back she actually tried to initiate sex but I said no that it wasn't the time or place for that. We had a lot to work out before that can happen. As always, piece, love, and chicken grease. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I am done, and I'm am heartbroken. I have no one.

ONGOING

Yueel

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15k1xyo/i_am_done_and_im_am_heartbroken_i_have_no_one/

15k3zdb

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Astraphobia is the name for fear of thunder and lightning. Brontophobia has also been used before to describe the fear as Bronto means thunder. Content Warning: None Mood Spoiler:>! Light hearted but inconclusive !< *I am not the OOP. That would be* u/salvefrater *who posted these on* r/StoriesAboutKevin \- [**Intern Kevin tries to get a permanent job by yelling at the CEO and lying about which department he wants to work in (Originally Posted August 14th, 2019)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/cqhcps/intern_kevin_tries_to_get_a_permanent_job_by/) I met this kevin while interning at a non profit organization. Kevin interned in the archives department and once the summer was coming to an end he decided he would get a permanent job there no matter the cost. This led to several hare-brained schemes and unsuccessful attempts to show how good of an employee he could be. Kevin tried to apply to a position in his department that had not existed for years because of budget cuts. But Kevin was a member of the organization and thought he was superior to everyone else so of course he thinks they'll just find the money so that he can continue working there. He meets with the main hiring director who again tells him there is no money or need for the position but that doesn't stop Kevin. Instead he comes up with an even worse plan. Kevin decides to apply for another position in a completely different department that he has no qualifications for. Kevin's plan is to get the job and then after a couple weeks move back into his old office at the archive department and pretend like he had been working there the whole time. Of course Kevin's plan was ruined by the fact that he told co-workers about it so some people already knew about his false intentions before he even had the interview. Before this interview Kevin tried to show how he can be a model employee. One day my soda got trapped in the vending machine. Kevin attempted to prove how macho he was in front of the hiring director (who was retired military) by shaking and punching the machine until he was red in the face and ran out of breath. The hiring director then proceeds to pull out a key and unlock the machine in a couple seconds, making kevin look like an absolute jackass while he's about to pass out from exhaustion. A few days later at lunch one of the other interns mentions how she's getting some furniture delivered to her apartment. Kevin butts in and says "I can come over to your place and help assemble it for you". She tells him thanks but I can do it on my own but Kevin is unfazed. "NO, I'm going to come over and help you, this is a man's job." Whats creepy is that Kevin was older than most of the interns by about 5 years having already gotten a masters degree while everyone else were still undergrad students. A week later Kevin receives a visitor in his office. The new CEO who was due to start in a month wanted to check in with everyone. The CEO begins to explain how he wants to run things when Kevin tries correcting him. Despite having only worked there for two months and due to leave in a week Kevin starts to lose his patience. "THIS IS HOW WE"VE DONE THINGS IN THE PAST AND THIS IS HOW WE"RE GONNA KEEP DOING THEM." Somehow Kevin still thought he had a good chance going into the interview despite screaming at the new CEO who would have to approve new employees. Well this ends exactly how you thought it would. Kevin doesn't get the job and mopes back to his office to pack up his stuff, riding off into the sunset to scam his way into another job. Edit: The Intern saga continues in part 2 \- [**An Update to Kevin the Failed Intern**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/cum5nd/an_update_to_kevin_the_failed_intern/) **(Originally Posted August 23rd, 2019)** In my last post I talked about Kevin the Intern who managed to lose any chance of getting a job by yelling at the CEO, beating up a vending machine, and lying about his intentions. I thought I had seen the last of Kevin but the organization we both interned for was holding its annual conference and they needed help staffing the event. So kevin came back not even a week after his "last day". I heard or witnessed so many more Kevin stories over the course of this conference that I felt compelled to make an update. Other people who had to interact with Kevin on a daily basis filled me in on how he got hired and his daily routine. Kevin had heard about the internship when he talked to the retiring CEO at an event. This was a short 15 second talk while they took a photo together but Kevin interpreted this as a job offer and was angry when he didn't hear back a few days after sending in his resume. He decided to call up the organization's main representative in his state to complain and request that he bring it up with the CEO to try to get the internship hiring supervisor in trouble. He was finally hired after guilt tripping the organization by saying he needed this internship to finish his masters degree program. Kevin was majoring in Museum studies and he was placed in the archives department to catalog the museum collection they maintained. The catalog tracked where each item was kept in the building. Kevin, despite only being an intern, decided to completely change the system they used which meant the other intern had to spend countless hours cataloging every item back into the new system. Kevin would also routinely stare at her and when she asked why, he said it was a prank. "What? am I not allowed to mess with you?". He also deleted the part of the catalog that listed what building the item was in because everything was in the same building and felt redundant to him. This led to all the other categories like room and cabinet number being mixed up and inaccurate. Once again the other intern had to fix the entire system. After a long day at the conference we were all getting ready to go home. I was in the middle of talking to someone when Kevin comes over and GRABS ME BY THE JACKET TO LIFT UP MY LABEL PIN TO HIS FACE. Kevin is at least 5 inches taller and 200 pounds heavier than me so he's about to lift me off the ground. "I've been wondering all day what this pin was." I am too stunned to respond so someone else explained what it was. He lets me go only to grab me again to get a second look. Kevin leaves to give a ride home to another intern. He starts talking about Harvard which he thought was in MICHIGAN. Of course not everyone knows where Harvard is but this man plans on working in a field where the only two options are academia or museums.Also his profile picture has a caption saying "Stand Up to Harvard" in bold red font. The last night of the conference everyone was invited to a black tie dinner at a fancy hotel. Kevin manages to beg his way into getting a free ticket for his fiancé,Kevina, when every other intern only got a ticket for themselves. He introduces us to Kevina and says one of the interns is from Guam. This intern had actually lived in Guatemala not Guam for a few years and corrected him. He responded "Ehhh same thing they're both islands where they speak Spanish." Everyone else at the table was too dumfounded to even try and tell him that Guatemala is not an island and they don't speak Spanish on Guam. There was also a delegation of people from Guam at this dinner. Kevina while speaking very slowly and pronouncing every syllable asked if she missed home. This intern again tries to tell explain that she's American and just lived in Guatemala for a few years but it wasn't getting through Kevina's thick skull. When the salad came I accidentally grabbed the wrong fork. Kevin scoffs and tells his boss "we need to teach these interns some manners and etiquette."Remember this is less than 24 hours after he grabbed me with no warning to look at a shiny pin on my jacket. The main course was steak and fish. Kevina poked at her plate and said "this is some weird food" without a hint of irony. That ends the story of Kevin and Kevina at least for now. If i ever have to interact with this man again I might just break down into a ball. \- **Relevant Comments** >I love your stories. If I had your address, I would send you a 'thank you' postcard from the island of Guatemala. OOP: Thank you! Kevin probably wonders why Guatemalans cross into mexico to come to the US when they could just sail here from their exotic island &#x200B; >You know what would be a perfect ending to this story? You get the job he wanted. OOP: Our boss after the dinner basically implied to one of the interns who has experience in the field that the job will be there if she wants it when she graduates next year. This was after she made a joke at the table about taking it and Kevin responded "Hey I have first dibs on that." OOP (Added as its own comment): I forgot to mention that Kevina the fiancée was asked when they were getting married and she said as soon as Kevin found a job. So I guess they're never getting married. Also they moved halfway across the country so he could take an internship that paid minimum wage and now their only source of income is her fast food job. \- [**Intern Kevin Part 3: This guy won't give up and now he has a strongly worded letter**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/d9c45e/intern_kevin_part_3_this_guy_wont_give_up_and_now/) **(Originally Posted September 25th, 2019)** If you haven't read part 1or part 2 the main summary is that Kevin was an intern who tried several schemes to get a permanent job and instead ruined any goodwill his internship provided and revealed how dumb he actually was (shocker). Its been over a month since Kevin's internship ended but he still hasn't given up on his dream job. My friends who still intern at this organization noticed some weird messages last week on the shared intern email. Turns out Kevin has decided to use this shared work account as his own personal email and is asking other people to help edit a letter he has been writing. After being told several times that the organization does not need a Full Time Curator for their small museum, Kevin decided to write a letter to the new CEO trashing the Museum and implying the only solution is to hire a "Museum Professional" like himself. The museum is probably not even on the top 100 concerns for the new CEO but Kevin writes about how he can change the world by fixing this museum. Despite crossing several ethical boundaries in his previous schemes he writes that he is worried about the "ethical position" of the museum. Now Museum ethics is an issue for prominent museums like the British Museum that acquired some of their artifacts in a questionable manner but this is a little known museum that has things like civil war rifles and commemorative coins not ancient statues and Egyptian mummies. Since nearly everything in the museum was donated Kevin says that the organization is open to lawsuits over the ownership of the artifacts and that they're somehow violating ethical rules by not having a legal deed of ownership for every trinket in their collection . Of course this would never actually happen but then there wouldn't be a reason for Kevin to be hired to run the Museum. This whole letter is full of praise and compliments for the CEO despite their only past interaction was the CEO asking Kevin to store some of the former CEO's stuff for a future exhibit and Kevin outright refusing because "I disagree with the ethics of this." Kevin goes on to describe the museum as "a warehouse of oddities dumped on our doorstep" and the historians who have decades of experience working at the organization as "well meaning amateurs." Kevin also seems to not understand what charity means. Since this is a non-profit based around charity there are a lot of exhibits about the hospitals for children they help run and commemoration of the major donors. Somehow Kevin sees this as "Elitist" and showing off "the abundance of wealth" for the organization which again IS A NONPROFIT THAT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO HIRE SOMEONE LIKE KEVIN. Kevin concludes the letter by throwing several people under the bus. He says one of the newest hires "has no chance" of being successful without Kevin's help and and writes about "how much pain I felt" when the main hiring director told him he wouldn't create a new position for him. Kevin also says that once his changes are made to the museum it will become "a scholarly institution that will educate the world" (I'm sure Kevin's Museum will make the Library of Alexandria look like an abandoned blockbuster). Of course the letter is also full of spelling mistakes and basic grammatical errors even though this guy has a GODDAMN MASTERS DEGREE. He also doesn't seem to think it was wrong to keep using the work email for his own purposes. The password was quickly changed so Kevin didn't have a chance to see the edits made to his letter. The editor removed all the parts where he was either complaining or throwing people under the bus which was over half of the letter. This honestly proves Kevin is obsessed and will never stop trying to get this job and I look forward to writing the next 100 parts of this series. \- *Marked as inconclusive as OOP promised more updates but never has posted. I wish OOP well.*

Intern Kevin tries to get a permanent job by yelling at the CEO and lying about which department he wants to work in

INCONCLUSIVE

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15k3zdb/intern_kevin_tries_to_get_a_permanent_job_by/

15k9qq8

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/SitSitSit-Throwaway. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/EntitledPeople **This is a new update to a previous BORU post made by** u/InternetAddict104 a year ago. You can find that post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/w8mh2c/oops_family_like_to_take_his_seat_whenever_he/). I added some of OOP's original comments in this post. New update is marked with \*\*\*\*\* **Trigger Warning:** >!anger issues; assault; attempted murder;!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4ng3f/aita_for_walking_out_over_a_chair/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: March 1, 2022** Ok hear me out. For as long as I can remember in my family, almost any time I got up from my seat someone would take it to either be funny, or to claim it as if no one was using it. And as a teenager it literally got to the point I bought my own folding chair so I could pick it up and carry it with me. If I left it where it was, someone would take it. Then get mad when I wanted it back. As an example, on a holiday last year I got up from my chair for a moment to help with something and came back to find a kid in it. And then the family berating me for wanting them to move. But I tell them that when a man owns and brings his own chair, they expect to be able to use it. I own a very nice folding chair that's comfortable and easily portable. And I pretty much bring it to any family events because people are always scrambling for chairs. Well the other day I went to a birthday party for my nephew. And like always I brought my own chair. But at some point I had to use the bathroom. When I came back my chair was gone. And everyone acted like they didn't know where it was. I said they had one minute to return it or I was leaving. They laughed at first, but then realized I was serious as I started going for the door. Everybody told me to just calm down, and it was just a joke. I said I don't care if they think I'm a stick in the mud. I wouldn't be bringing my own chair all the time if other people weren't always taking my seat when I get up. I don't think it's funny, I never did. My brother in law then pulled the chair out of where he'd hidden it, and when I got it back one of the legs was bent. I said it was not like this before, and how could he possibly have done this to a metal chair. He said he could fix it and tried to unbend it, but only made it worse. The chair is pretty much unusable now because the leg is warped and I don't want to risk putting weight on it. I told my brother in law he owes me $50 for the chair because that's what I paid for it new two years ago. He got mad and kept saying it was just a stupid chair. I said it was my stupid chair, and this wouldn't have happened if he wasn't so immature that he and everyone else had to mess with me for years about where I sit. Then I took my now messed up chair and walked out. My family has been blowing my phone up saying that it's just a chair and to let it go. But I still want my brother to pay me back for it. AITA? **Update:** Last night I sent a mass text out to my family that I will not be going to any family function no matter how important it is until they make this right by promising not to screw with me anymore, and repay me for the chair. They've mostly gone quiet now. But I can wait. I've got all the time in the world for them to realize I'm serious. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Siblings?* "Yeah I'm the youngest sibling in my mid 20s. And my eldest sibling is mid 30s. Yet I'm the only one who won't act like it's a frat house when partying. My siblings all have spouses and kids too." "To be fair, I am in demand. The kids all love me as the fun uncle. And I help keep them busy. And when I'm not there, everyone else has to watch their own kids. Right now they're probably thinking I'll just forget about the chair and move on. But I'm not coming back for any holiday or birthday party or barbecue until they pay me back for the chair." *The chair is a symptom, not the root problem:* "I won't deny the chair fixation. However what I'm really aiming for is making them take accountability. My not being there to help means they may eventually start blaming each other. And with it being my hill to die on, then perhaps they'll finally agree to stop messing with me." *A bit more context:* "It was malicious because even if they had their own better seat, one of my siblings would go out of their way to take mine. They did it just to screw with me because I was the youngest. And they didn't stop. That's why I brought my own chair. Also, the same thing would happen when I was sitting on the floor if you can believe it. If I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, someone would take my spot if I got up. I also really never liked sitting on the floor. I find it very uncomfortable. So again another reason why I bring my own chair. Apart from one of the kids occasionally sitting on it when I walk away, this was the first time in over a year my family has screwed with me over my chair. And somehow, and I still really don't know how, my brother in law bent the leg while hiding it. And it was a sturdy chair too. I mean, he'd have had to have stomped on it or something." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/w8i5s0/i_walked_out_over_a_chair_and_my_family_tore/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: July 26, 2022 (almost 5 months later)** **Title:** I walked out over a chair, and my family tore itself apart I wasn't gonna come back here again. To be honest I'd completely forgotten I made this account. I only got back in because I'd written down the password and left it in my desk. I was listening to Reddit videos on youtube a couple weeks ago when I suddenly heard my old AITA post. So I thought I'd give an update. Well things escalated a lot after I made that post because I linked it to my parents and other family members after a little while. They were furious with me at first. Some even mocked me saying things like "Oh watch what you say or do around OP. He might just post about it on Reddit". But when they actually read the comments on my post when I made them, they became mortified. My BIL did agree to pay for a new chair, and gave me the money I asked for. I bought a better folding chair than my last one, and resumed going to family functions. But whenever I was there, there was this air about some of the family members. They looked at me like I'd sucked all the fun out of the room. My parents had stopped thinking the chair thing was funny, and even scolded a kid for taking my seat when I got up to use the bathroom. The only problem is that this kid was my nephew. And he started crying when they made him get up. My BIL came to the boy's rescue, and my nephew ended up blurting out that his daddy told him he could do it. When I was out of the bathroom, there was a big fight about it going on. Several family members, including my sister and BIL were all yelling that it was just a damn chair. And I shouldn't be so butthurt about it. My parents demanded to know why they were so butthurt about not being allowed to screw with me anymore. Like, what was their motivation after doing it for so long? It made no sense and wasn't funny anymore. And that's when I intervened. I told them none of this crap would have ever happened if they hadn't been so intent on messing with me when there really was no point to it. And I only started bringing my own chair because I could never find a stable place to sit. And if they still thought they were in the right about the situation, then they were just bullies, plain and simple. And what kind of example is that to be setting for their son. My BIL raged, grabbed my new chair and hurled it through the living room bay window. There was a bit of a pause before he realized what he'd just done, then he took off in his car and left my sister and nephew there. My parents got my sister to call him, and over the phone they threatened to go to police if he didn't pay for the damages. BIL yelled a few f-bombs until my sister took the phone back. And she said that he can either make things right, or she'll divorce him. Well that did the trick because he came back looking like a kicked puppy with his head hanging low. He apologized to me and my parents without even looking at us, said he'd pay for the new bay window and left again. My sister said he drank himself to sleep that night. My new chair was just fine. It took being hurled through a bay window like a champ. There was hardly a scratch on it. My brother hired a window company to come and replace the window. And they had to measure and order a new one before it could be installed. And until then the window had to be covered with plywood. It took some time, but they got the new bay window. And it's better than the old one. Though I imagine that it was extra expensive because it's a bay window. The family was still divided about the situation for a while. Mainly BIL's parents, my uncle, and a couple cousins. They blamed me and called me obnoxious over insisting on bringing my own chair and refusing to let anyone else use it. So I compromised. I said that if I had a good designated seat that no one will try to take away, I'll leave my chair in my car. It took two more family barbecues before they finally agreed to this. Since then I've left the chair in my car unless there really wasn't enough seating. And that's only happened once since. The problem is though, that even though they stopped screwing with me. They were still screwing with each other until things went too far. They still liked to take each other's seats. But I guess others were following my example, because they put their feet down and demanded it stop. It's been going on for decades, and they've had enough. BIL stayed out of the fight entirely and hasn't caused any more trouble. But for several family functions a number of people didn't bother to show up. My mother was broken up about it because she loves hosting parties. It took months, but everything more or less normalized again. But without the chair thing going on, some have resorted to other stupid pranks. Like a little device you hook to a chair that makes farts. They didn't do this to my seat, but did it to a cousin. And said cousin got really petty at the next party and let out real farts. He said he ate a whole pack of fiber bars and had eggs for breakfast. And it was damn nasty! Other pranks included: Hiding eating utensils, a stink bomb, hiding some sort of monster thing in the toilet, cellophane in a doorway, ripping paper when somebody bends over, messing with drinks, hiding shoes, copying outfits, a container of foam packing peanuts above a doorway, and finally the one that really infuriated my aunt and uncle when a party was held at their house. A glitter bomb. They got the carpet professionally cleaned and billed the person who made the glitter bomb for it. So now pranks are just over. They don't want any more. I'm fine with that. But the last few family functions have been a bit dull. I think they were so used to how things were that now they're trying to find other ways to amuse themselves that don't involve cellphones. **Edit:** The chair is a National Public Seating steel folding chair. I bought it online for around $80. It's got a thick foam vinyl covered pad on the seat. And it's pretty comfortable. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Your BIL sounds like he could become an abuser:* "My BIL has anger issues. But my sister has him wrapped around her finger. I'm not exaggerating when I say my sister is out of his league. So he's basically a simp for her. And pretty much does whatever she says. And she's making him go through marriage counseling after they finally managed to get in a little over a month ago" "They are. And my sister insisted on marriage counseling. She also forced BIL to cut back on drinking" **\*\*\*\*\*NEW UPDATE** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/15eqs18/my_chair_was_stolen_a_brat_broke_my_phone_and_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)**: July 31, 2023 (1 year from last post)\*\*\*\*\*** **Title:** My chair was stolen, a brat broke my phone, and a chair prank caused a VERY MESSY divorce in the family Somehow I return again. And with some crazy info on some stuff that went down this past year. I never could have imagined how things could have spiraled into what happened. If you guys thought my brother in law throwing my chair through a bay window after his son wasn't allowed to sit on it was crazy, just read about all of this. You're not gonna want to believe it. Firstly, my good padded folding chair I'd paid over $80 for was stolen. I have no idea by who as it didn't happen at a family event, but rather hanging out at a friend's house. Somebody just walked into his yard and took it. I learned my lesson and decided never to buy an expensive folding chair again. Now I just keep a cheap folding chair I got for $3 at a second hand store in my trunk. Moving on to other stuff, the family pranks I described in my last post seemingly stopped, but some of them slowly resumed. However they were only harmless little things that just give chuckles. The only person that they refused to prank at all was me, due to the events of my previous posts. But that didn't stop entitlement. The seven year old son of one of my cousins stole my phone during a family birthday party at my parents' house, and intentionally broke it rather than return it. His parents were already going through a rough patch. My cousin the father was constantly clashing with his wife over how to parent their child. His now ex-wife was a bad enabler of their son. She's also terrible with money, and has a very her way or the highway attitude, and she does not like to back down when wrong. She was one of the more outspoken people that hated me bringing my own chair and never sharing it. But she never got physical about it. She once confronted me and said that if I was going to bring my own chair, it should be something nice and made of wood that doesn't fold. I told her I was not going to lug around a dining room chair wherever I go when a folding chair takes up only a little space in my trunk. She argued with me about it more, and got nowhere. None of the family events were at her house, and she does not dictate my life. She gave me death glares for months, but otherwise left me alone. The night her son stole my phone, he'd already been grounded from electronics by his father. The kid took my phone when I set it down on a table to eat some cake, and then ran off with it when I wasn't looking. He holed himself up in the master bedroom closet, and was trying to install new gaming apps on my phone. That closet had a lock on the door, and the key was lost years ago. The brat refused to come out or return the phone. His mother kept telling us all (Mainly me) to just leave him alone and let him game on it. But I refused and said my phone was not his toy. The brat was told several times to open the door, and he refused. All the while his mother kept contradicting everything said. My cousin got fed up and started forcing the old door open. It's an old manufactured home, and that door was pretty flimsy. Just as he was making headway, we heard loud banging sounds from inside the closet. The brat had started banging my phone against the nearest hard object he could find. The brat let out some loud screams as his dad pulled him out of the closet. The screen on my phone was nearly destroyed. Thankfully the rest of it was protected by the case. My cousin's wife tried to blame it on me, and said it was my fault her baby broke the phone because I wouldn't let him game on it. EVERYONE in the room turned on her, and she shut up out of cowardice. It costed around $300 to repair my phone, and I had to use a temporary one till mine was fixed. And yes, my cousin paid for the repairs. Well, the rest of the family knew about my cousin's wife's disdain for folding chairs like the one I keep in my car. And they decided to pull a prank on her because of her attitude after the incident with her son stealing my phone. I would like to be clear that I was not involved in this in any way, nor did I really condone doing it. But the entire thing was out of my hands. My cousins got together decided to prank that B of a wife, and got their hands on a whole bunch of folding chairs. Then they removed every chair and seat in his house and replaced them with the folding chairs. Folding chairs at the dining table, folding chairs at the counter, folding chairs in place of the living room furniture, and more were strategically placed around the house. Even the chairs on the porch were replaced with them. When my cousin's wife came home, her reaction went far beyond what anyone thought. Their plan was to just record her having a tantrum and get a laugh. But she ended up going insane on the spot and tried to get a knife from the kitchen to attack her husband with. When she couldn't get the knife, she pulled out pepper spray from her purse and used it on everybody. Then she attacked her husband with her long fake nails. She probably would have tried to claw his eyes out or something. But thankfully one of the other guys there kicked her off him. I couldn't freaking believe this shit happened all because folding chairs! And I feel like the root cause since I'm the one who was always bringing my own chair to family events since there was never enough seating and people kept taking the places I was sitting. And it escalated far beyond me. Police were obviously called, the wife got arrested, all the guys there had to go to the hospital because of the pepper spray in their eyes, and my cousin had to get all the scratches to his face treated. He looked like a bobcat attacked him. He filed for an immediate order of protection against his wife. They'd recorded everything, like her trying to get the knife and screaming she'd stab somebody. She had to go stay with her sister after spending some time in jail, and her sister I hear is as narcissistic as she is. My cousin obviously filed for divorce, and his wife later spent some more time in jail after pleading guilty for the assault. She wasn't allowed near her son for a while, and tried to take it out on my cousin in court during the divorce. That did not go in her favor because he was easily able to prove how unhinged she is. My cousin got primary custody of his son, and his ex got only supervised visitation since she was so mentally unstable. She's pretty much abandoned her son, and has shacked up with some fat older man, got a serious tan and bleached her hair. I guess she'd rather live the life of a sugar baby caked in makeup. My cousin's son has shown great improvement since being separated from his mother. He was put through counseling, and listens to his father more now. The kid has to be babysat a lot since my cousin has to work. But at the very least things got better. I still feel like the root cause of this because of the chair thing though. **Edit:** Just a bit of added info I didn't think to include before. But my cousin's ex-wife had a love for fancy expensive things she couldn't really afford. She filled my cousin's house with imitation Victorian style furniture that she was extremely anal about. Which I suppose was one of the reasons she lost her mind so hard when it was all replaced with folding chairs. My cousin threw all that furniture out when he divorced her. He said it was all uncomfortable and looked better than it felt. **Second edit:** My dumb self didn't bother to set a password on that phone when I got it. So the kid was able to use it just fine when he took it. I set a password after getting the phone fixed. And the kid was grounded from electronic devices by his father for a month. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Has your BIL gotten better with his anger?* "Yes he has. My sister made him get therapy for six months. I wasn't given any details on it though since it's confidential. But he had some bad issues. We don't interact much though." *You sound like the only freaking adult in the whole family:* "My parents don't really do any pranking, but are occasionally on the receiving end of one from time to time. Most of the people in the family who do pranking seem to be between the ages of ten and forty." *More on the knife:* "She tried to get a knife. They wouldn't let her at them and kept trying to tell her to calm down. That's when they got the pepper spray. While I can't confirm it, I've heard that woman has threatened people with knives before." *And finally: "Wtf is wrong with this family?"* "I used to ask myself that many times. After a while I just got tired of doing it"

NEW UDPATE: AITA for walking out over a chair?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15k9qq8/new_udpate_aita_for_walking_out_over_a_chair/

15k9qw4

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/aitasocialmediadad. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!mental health episode- possibly untreated manic episode;!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad and frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/158e8cl/aita_for_losing_my_patience_and_saying_hurtful/)**: July 24, 2023** Hi everyone. I feel terrible about this, but I also sort of stand by what I said. My wife (34F) and I (32M) have been happily married for 8 years. We have two kids, 6 and 4. Until recently, we've been able to effectively divide our household chores and parenting duties equally. About 6 months ago, my wife's tiktok and instagram algorithms started showing her content that's primarily been involving criticism of men, particularly in terms of their contributions to marriages, parenting, and chores. I'm all for constructive discussions about gender roles and stuff like that, but the content I've seen from her account take it to an extreme, stereotyping all men as lazy, and neglectful. In the past few weeks, my wife began posting her own content about our personal life, portraying me as a negligent and uncaring husband and father who doesn't pull his weight around the house. I was really hurt when I saw these posts on our account, particularly because she has close friends, and family members on both sides who follow her account and are reaching out to me asking me if everything is okay in our marriage now that she's posting her own content, and not just reposting other videos she finds. Not only was her content way inaccurate, but I feel uncomfortable opening up these elements of my personal life to all of our friends and family, let alone strangers who have found themselves engaging as well. I attempted to discuss this with her. She shrugged it off, and accused me of being insensitive to the struggles with women, and not understanding her need for an outlet to vent. I completely lost my patience in front of the kids. I told her she was being a fucking keyboard warrior more interested in getting clout from toxic women online than the reality of our life. I also told her she was being an ungrateful dickhead and spreading lies about me and our marriage. As soon as I called her a dickhead and seeing her reaction to what I was saying, as well as hearing my daughter starting to cry, I regretted it. She looked more sad than angry with what I was saying, and she just sort of shut down and hasn't spoken to me since, outside of very minimal conversations about breakfast or plans for the kids. I feel like I have a right to be upset about what she's saying on social media, but I think I took it way too far. I really don't know how to approach the rest of the discussion we obviously need to have. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What is your work load/how do you split household thing?* "I'll respond to this one since multiple people have asked me for the chore breakdown, and this is a parent-level comment. Me: Take the kids to school Pick them up from school Cook dinner Clean up + dishes after Lawn duties Adult laundry Her: Sweep + mop the house 2 times a week Kids laundry + towels and linens Dusting the common areas Breakfast for kids Packing daily lunches/snacks for kids Maintains finances (this is what she does for a living) Together: Folding and putting away laundry Weekly "house cleaning day" where we go from room to room with the kids to set good housekeeping examples for them We alternate bath + bedtime routines for the kids Bathroom cleaning (she takes the half bath, I take the master, and we both take the kids together) I can't really think of anything else off the top of my head. In her social media posts, she has mentioned that she does all the cooking and the laundry, and has made comments that I criticize her cooking in the videos she makes. These are flagrant lies." *Clarification on meals:* "Meal plans are me. Arranging events are sort of nebulous. I guess we kind of do those together. Shopping list and shopping is me, with her input. Sometimes we go shopping together, especially if the kids are coming with us." *Clarification on yard work:* I'm happy to clear up confusion here. Yard work takes about 45 minutes to an hour total, once a week, between mowing, edging, and blowing. I also spray the driveway for weeds. No snow where we are thankfully. We call professionals for the roof, and for general major repairs. The gutters I do like once every couple of months. They don't get that messy. Her and I both water the bushes." *Have you tried to talk with her about what could be bothering her before this?* "Of course, I've approached her about it before, but maybe not had like a discussion with her. One time, I told her that my mother called me and asked me if everything was okay because she saw some of the reposts she was sharing, and if she could please cool it with that. She shrugged it off, and said "they're just funny videos" and stonewalled me after that. I didn't want to get into an argument with her, so I let it go. Then I've just made comments here and there, but they basically went ignored until we had the discussion. I entered it calmly, in an attempt to get to the bottom of what her issues were with me, and why she was lying about it, and she got really aggressively defensive and acted like she was tired of hearing about her social media usage, and saying things like, "fine I guess I'm never allowed to vent about anything ever" and "fine I'll shut the fuck up and smile around your family". This is about where I lost my patience. I especially regret losing my patience at this point in the convo because I felt like I was about to learn what was making her unhappy lately, and I blew it." *One more from OOP:* "I really don't know why she's doing this. My guess is that her first post on the topic got more attention than she was expecting, which made her feel good. But she stonewalled me every time I brought it up. I tried to have a sit down with her already, and this was the result of that. It feels like she knows how to push my buttons in an argument. That's not to say that there's an excuse to lose my temper the way I did, but if I try to calmly approach it again, I just feel like it's going to go back to the "I guess I'll just shut the fuck up and smile forever" stuff, which I feel is super manipulative, unproductive, and just uncaring about my feelings. I could try to approach the topic of marriage counseling, but at this point, I'm just afraid of approaching the topic again." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15driu6/update_aita_for_losing_my_patience_and_saying/)**: July 30, 2023 (6 days later)** I don't really know where to begin. A lot of things happened really quickly, and I'm super emotional, and need to use Reddit as a sounding board again. I told myself I wasn't going to do this again, because I really didn't want my situation being stolen and ending up on tiktok or whatever, but I'm just finding that I need more direct realism from strangers rather than just people patting me on the back. I'm pretty sure my marriage is over. I don't know. I sat her down to talk to her about it again, this time away from the kids, and a lot more confident that I was going to keep my cool. I prefaced the conversation by saying I didn't want this to be an argument, I just wanted to get to the bottom of this behavior, and wanted to explain how it was affecting me, and how other people view me. Pretty much the moment I began talking, she shut me down, and... I don't know if what she did is gaslighting, or if she's having some sort of mental break, or maybe a wizard came down and magically hypnotized me for the past several months, and I'm just now coming out of it. Basically, she said that everything she is saying on SM is true, and that I have no right to police what she does or says online. I decided my best course of action would be to try to challenge her on the "everything I'm saying is true" part by breaking down the chores for her, and showing the division of labor. In fact, I used the same list I typed up in a comment from my previous post, which is here: Me *Take the kids to school* *Pick them up from school* *Cook dinner* *Clean up + dishes after* *Lawn duties* *Adult laundry* Her: *Sweep + mop the house 2 times a week* *Kids laundry + towels and linens* *Dusting the common areas* *Breakfast for kids* *Packing daily lunches/snacks for kids* *Maintains finances (this is what she does for a living)* Together: *Folding and putting away laundry* *Weekly "house cleaning day" where we go from room to room with the kids to set good housekeeping examples for them* *We alternate bath + bedtime routines for the kids* *Bathroom cleaning (she takes the half bath, I take the master, and we both take the kids together)* This is how she responded to all of it: Take the kids to and from school: "Wow, you sit in a car for an hour, great job dad!" Cook dinner: "Cooking is your favorite thing to do so it's not really work" Dishes afterwards: "Ohhh you clean up after yourself, do you want a cookie?" Lawn duties: "So you spend an hour away from the kids every weekend, next" Laundry: (paraphrasing) "This is also the bare minimum" It was at this point that I noticed how everything I'm doing is the bare minimum and "expected of me," while she expects to be treated like a hero and a martyr for doing her chores. I found this to be highly transactional and adversarial for really no reason. I asked her why she was only bringing this up now instead of communicating with me, and she didn't have a real answer. Something to the effect of, "it's not my job to teach you things you should already know" which I'm paraphrasing, but the discussion got really heated at this point. The discussion had spiraled completely out of control, and she started to pound the table, and at one point threw her mug into the sink so hard that it broke. Things had gotten completely unproductive, so I went to go wake the kids up from their nap, and take them to a friend's house for the day for things to calm down. I went into their room and started getting them ready, and when I walked out into the hallway (out of view of the kids), she came from around the corner and sucker punched me, and screaming that I, I guess because I was taking the kids out for the day, that I'm weaponizing them and manipulating the situation to make her seem crazy. I don't even remember the small details of what happened next. The kids were scared, I eventually got them into the car, and left. I went to my friend's house, who already knew everything that was going on. I just stayed there for a bit while the kids played with his dog in the back yard. A few hours later, the police show up at the house. Thankfully she didn't make any insane accusations like I feared when they pulled into the driveway. Essentially she just told them that I "took her kids without her permission" and told them where I was. They told her that they can't do anything about me taking the kids, because I'm their custodial father. They came to sort of tell me what was going on, and to let me know what they talked about. I did not tell them about her punching me. But I'm just done now. Barring a serious neurological disease causing the issue, there's no conversation that I can have with her that will allow me to get past all of this. My friend agrees with me. My marriage is over. I'm calling a lawyer tomorrow, and I'm going to be as low-conflict as I possibly can to get this all over with and move on with my life. That's all I can do. Thanks for listening. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Could it be an underlying medical issue?* "The idea is kicking around in my head. Her mother has bipolar disorder, but it's been well-controlled for over 2 decades, and I've never experienced any evidence of it for as long as I've known her." "Her mother is bipolar but it's super well controlled, and I've never experienced any evidence of it in her behavior. Is bipolar disorder genetic? None of the other stuff that I'm aware of. Her family are beautiful people.” **Update in Comments (Early July 31, 2023)** Responding to the top level comment with a response to some popular sentiments: Sorry for not answering questions sooner. I found that getting all of this off my chest and talking on Reddit wasn't really helping. I just found myself wallowing in the situation, so I got off and just hung out. Apparently my wife went to the hospital for something, stayed there for a few hours, and is now back home. We texted a bit, and it seems like she's beginning to understand the gravity of the situation. For everyone telling me to file a police report, I'm going to meet with a lawyer tomorrow and take their recommendations first and foremost. They're most likely going to recommend I file a report, but... I don't know that I'm ready emotionally to take these steps. Despite the fact that our relationship was deteriorating, this all happened really fast. This went from a solvable, annoying problem to "my life as I know it has ended" so everything I do feels heavy, and every decision I make is going to have severe long term ramifications for myself and the kids, and I'm just trying not to take that lightly. The punch wasn't so much of a "punch", more like a, not sure how to put it, maybe like a push made with her fist? It didn't hurt, I was just in shock for the most part. I didn't really know what to do or say, so I just removed myself from the situation. When she did it, and got done screaming, she looked like she didn't realize what she had done, then proceeded to let me take the kids. I know I said that there are several things that I'm not going to be able to get past, but I can't shake the feeling that something about this situation is off. It didn't make sense a few months ago, the big fight still doesn't make sense, and the situation is only getting worse. Is she suffering from some sort of mental break? What the fuck is happening to my wife. I guess I'll go try to respond to some other comments directly now. Edited to add: Just looked, and it appears she removed all traces of that crap from her social media. **Update as of this afternoon: (Same Post, July 31- Next Day)** I spoke with the attorney that I set the meeting for this morning. We started discussing the paperwork, the fees, and basically everything I need to initiate a divorce. He did recommend I file a report with the police, just like everyone else did. About 2 hours ago, my mother in law called me. She had been speaking with her daughter for a couple of weeks, and was already worried that her daughter had been having an episode similar to the ones she was having when she was younger. For those of you who had missed it in the comments, she is openly bipolar, but it's well controlled, and she hasn't really had an "episode" in many years, for lack of a better way to describe what she believed to be mild anger issues. ***(Editor's note- because there has been some confusion, based on OOP's comments I think the situation is that his MIL is the one that used to have episodes when she was younger, but her bipolar is now well controlled and OOP has never seen MIL experience these. NOT that the wife has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. MIL is recognizing possibly similar signs in her daughter as what SHE (MIL) experienced when she was young)*** Anyway, after our last fight, my wife called her sobbing, saying she doesn't know what's wrong, and that we just had a fight that spiraled out of control, and now I'm leaving her and taking the kids. My mother in law said she was going to fly into town, and told her to go to the hospital in the mean time if she's afraid of hurting herself or anyone else. So she called the police to tell them what was going on (not to report me for "kidnapping" the kids, as I previously thought, also based on what the police officer told me which was just false I guess), and then she went and checked herself into the hospital for short term psychiatric care. She was evaluated, and determined not to be a danger to herself at that time, and was sent home with an anti anxiety medication and a referral. Her mom and I talked for a long time, and she started talking to me about her episodes and how they would present themselves, and to be honest, it sounded a lot like what's been going on. Apparently my wife was noticing something small or insignificant (her mom's words) and then the anger would spike, and there would be a chain of different thoughts in a weird progression that ultimately ends up being angry at something that didn't really happen, but "could" happen. I'm not really sure I fully understand, but I listened, and appreciated her telling me. Not that I really know what to do about any of this. I can say right off the bat that I'm not as angry about her punching me as you all are. Especially if she is having an untreated manic episode, realizes it, and tries to work on it. I'm going to take a few days to process this with my kids. My wife knows how to contact me if she needs to, but it seems like she's been giving me a lot of space, especially since she spoke with her mother. Thanks for reading everyone. I guess I'll update with a post later on with what happens this week. I wouldn't get your hopes up over something juicy or entertaining, as I would like for this all to be over, so that we can all move on with our lives. &#x200B; ***Clarifying Comment:*** "The children did not witness her assaulting me." **Editor's note:** **Please remember the no brigading rule. DO NOT comment on the original posts.**

AITA for losing my patience and saying hurtful things to my wife due to her social media usage?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15k9qw4/aita_for_losing_my_patience_and_saying_hurtful/

15kkoul

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/AITAjohn **AITA for not wanting my fiancé to go to dinner with her boss?** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sexual harassment, predatory behavior!< **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **Thank ls to u/czechtheboxes for bringing this to the BoRU discord** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ai1i0m/aita_for_not_wanting_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_go_to_dinner/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Jan 20, 2019** I'm basically at the point of breaking off me relationship with my fiancé because I'm so frustrated by this whole thing. I guess this question is among my last salvos to see if i'm being an asshole and unreasonable. Or if the problem is on her end. Been with fiancé for several years now. She recently graduated and got an amazing HR job with a pretty high profile "we get your DUI charges dropped!" type law firm. The guy who started the firm is known across as being an ambulance chaser, shyster and scammer because very frankly he's trying to portray that in his commercials. I've met him a couple of times and in person, he's a little better but I stew kind of feel like I needed a shower. So right after New Years, wife came home and announced that Lawyer dude is taking the whole staff out to celebrate on January 20th because it was the firms biggest year ever. This is the timeline as near I can remember: • January 5th, she tells me to keep January 20th open because SO's are invited. Cool, I can do that. • January 8th. Sorry she was mistaken, it's just a work party she tells me it's cool if I make other plans that night. No problem. • January 13th. She lets it slip, it's not really a party for the whole office, just for the people boss thinks were part of the success. I'm starting to get a little WTF'y here. • January 14th. Miraculously, all the people going to dinner with the boss are under the age of 30 and female. Now alarm bells are really going off. • January 18th. The list is down to two people, my wife and another new attorney. So, if I'm hearing this correctly, the two people mainly responsible for this 20 year old company's "biggest year ever" are both recent college grads, both female and both around 25? Fiance says "aren't you proud of me!" • Today, the big day boss texts her at like 11AM and says "hey since this is supposed to be a celebration, don't drive! I'll send a car service for you!" Fiance still doesn't smell anything fishy so I ask her just for my own edification ask what he says if she tells him "that's a great offer, but my fiance knows the restaurant and he can drive me." Boss replies back in seconds "sorry if I had to change restaurants at the last minute, I'll send the car!" My fiancé looks at me, apparently without the screeching submarine klaxon and klieg lights that are going off in my head, and says "see it's all cool, I'll just take the car service." I'm freaking the fuck out. I told her that she can't go. She called me a controlling asshole. I told her that this whole thing has bene shady as fuck and I relayed out the timeline I just posted above using my texts and emails from her as evidence. She said that me "hoarding evidence" like this is an example of how I'm a "controlling asshole" and she wants to go to the dinner now more than ever. I told her I might be an asshole but I'm not stupid. She told me over and over again "he's married, he CAN'T do anything that would affect his marriage, so you're being the stupid one!" That leads me to believe that even she understands the larger implications that are at play here. She locked herself in our bedroom and hasn't come out for at least an hour. I don't know what to do. I can't beat the door down or yell at her and I think if this is one of those situations where the shoe was on the other foot, she'd be freaking the fuck out and I'd see her reaction and just call it off. AITA? Edit: it's 5:30 here, car service picked her up at 5:15. I guess it's up to fate now if I'm a controlling asshole or if she didn't see it whatever is coming coming. Edit 2: she just got home and said only "I don't want to fucking talk about it" and she's back talking to who I assume is her sister. I'm defying my every desire to eves drop so I don't know what happened. It's only 8:45 so I don't think anything super crazy happened. I'm just glad she's home. If it's appropriate, I'll update again when I know more. Edif3: this really doesn’t pertain to aita anymore rather just people asking for an update...she gets to dinner and it’s just she, coworker and boss in a private dining room at hotel. Boss says strait up hes banging other girl and wants fiancé to join them. Has “understanding” with his wife and says he can do amazing things for fiancé. Fiancé is pissed she didn’t see this coming, but she’s still pissed at me for being controlling. She’s not happy at all and talking about breaking up. Sucks All around but I’m relieved she’s safe. Just giving her some space for a while. **VERDICT: EVERYONE SUCKS HERE** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aj15xj/updateaita_for_not_wanting_my_fiancé_to_go_dinner/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Jan 23, 2019** judgement was essentially ESH, which I can accept because I should never have used the wording/phrase "you can't go to dinner with him" even though the situation was drowning in more red flags than a Comintern May Day parade. Fair enough. She didn't speak to me all day Monday and the last words I heard from her were Sunday night after she got home as she slammed the door to our bedroom saying "you're still a controlling asshole and we're breaking up." Her nuclear bomb is always saying "we're breaking up" whenever she doesn't have the upper hand in an argument so I didn't make much of it and in reality I was just relieved that she was home and apparently nothing bad happened at the dinner. So like I said, Monday she didn't say a word to me. I was only able to get into our bedroom to get some clothes and I couched it again Monday night. Whatever, she was pissed, she was embarrassed that she didn't see it coming, she was angry at me. I figured I'd give her some space. So I did. Tuesday morning I noticed she was getting ready for work. I couldn't keep my mouth shut any more and I incredulously asked her if she was really going back to that fucking job? She said "why wouldn't I?" I told her because the FUCKING OWNER off the company had done a month long manipulation to get her into a threesome with his other little side piece. She said that I was a fucking idiot. I was fucking flabbergasted. As she was stomping around the house putting her shoes on putting on her makeup and what not I told her that IF she shows up to that office today and doesn't quit or follow up with the state bar, he is going to know that she's OK with what happened, at least on the surface. Even if she doesn't have sex with him, he knows that she has a really high tolerance for his bullshit and he's going to keep working at her. I also told her that she has an MBA with a focus in HR, it shouldn't take a fucking an red-neck auto-mechanic to tell her this shit (I own a foreign specialty auto repair facility with my uncle). Her last words to me were "yes fucking asshole, I AM the professional. you aren't" and slammed the door. So Tuesday I had no idea what I was going to do. I knew in my heart I needed to end the relationship, her situation with her boss notwithstanding, rather her method of fighting, name calling, silent treatment are just not acceptable. But I still wasn't sure. She got home Tuesday and was clearly rattled by something. She was still silent, but a sad silent not an angry silent if that makes sense. She absolutely would not tell me what was wrong but she didn't lock herself in the room this time. She just sat almost catatonic on the couch watching Big Bang Theory (which she hates). My assumption...she fucked him, her or both. She gave into him. I have no proof of this but after all the bullshit, after the quick change in her behavior...its the only thing I can think happened. In my head and heart, we are broken up. It's now just a matter of separating our shit, figure out what to do about the lease on our apartment, cancelling the small amount of wedding planning we have done...and oh yeah...telling her. She may be feeling the same way and be done with me too which honestly may make this easier for everyone. My heart goes out to her because I do care about her and if she did have sex with her boss under his bullshit pretense, I imagine she feels like shit. But I tried to warn her. I saw it coming from a mile away, no I didn't use the correct words in trying warn her and I take no pleasure in being "right" but I did try. Thanks everyone...still ESH! Edit: it’s 3:31pm MST she’s home about 2.5 hours early. She said she wants to take a shower and talk after she’s done. I really don’t want to do another OP update but I will update via edit here after we talk. Edit: now about 5:30. This is locked so I don't know if an edit gets seen or not, figure I'll try since people seem invested in it. Obviously this is so much past whether I'm an asshole or not and just into keeping people who wanted to know informed. For some people I'm a victim, for some people I'm a victimizer. I asked for people's opinion so I will try very hard to keep both in mind going forward. A sincere thank you for your input, good or bad. So update. She got home at 3:30. Was still very pissy and told me not to ask her any questions until she got out of the shower and said she wanted to talk then. She usually gets home at 6pm on the dot so I knew something was up. I said that was fine but like literally on pins and needles until she came back out to our computer room where I was working. So about 4:15 she comes out in a with a towel wrapped around her hair and just one around her waist. In my head I figure if she was really breaking up with me she wouldn't be let me see her boobs (editorializing: her nearly perfectly perky D cup boobs). It wasn't a sexual gesture by any stretch but it also was showing that she wasn't covering up around me. I took that as a good sign because I wasn't sure about breaking up with her and at least we had options. So first of all as nutty as I made her deservedly sound, she has never had compunctions about apologizing when she's wrong. So she said that she wanted to say that she was very sorry for all the things that she had said to me starting on Sunday, she was sorry for throwing her shoe at me, she was sorry for the silent treatment and she was sorry for doubting my judgement. I told her that I appreciated it. She told me that she quit yesteday. I told her that I very much agreed with that. She said that yesterday she went into the office and the boss/owner was waiting for her in her office (this is important to mention, the law firm is an old converted historic house close to downtown, most of the staff work in what used to be the main house, my fiancé's office was literally the outdoor shed/garage. It's a very nice and comfortable conversion but it's still separated from the main "house." So him sitting in her office means he had to go out in the backyard, find a key he doesn't usually have, unlock her space and wait for her. On the first day back from a holiday). He told her that he wanted to make sure there were "no misunderstandings" from the night prior and to make sure that all the doors weren't shut or some such nonsense. She told me she told him that she was deeply upset by his proposal and didn't know what she was going to do. I guess he told her that her value in the company could either go up or down depending on how she decided to proceed. She said that she walked out on the spot and didn't go back to work. She spent the rest of the day with her sister trying to figure out what she was going to do. That was yesterday and I guess she still doesn't know. I guess she spent all day today looking for other jobs and sitting in her employment office of her MBA office and talking with her advisor. I asked her why she just didn't tell me any of this yesterday and why scream at me. She said she was sorry again but she was a little shell shocked that she faced serious sexual harassment in her first job out of the gate and honestly didn't even know what she wanted to say to me. I told her that the silent treatment really hurt AND it allowed my imagination to run wild (I didn't tell her what I said here, in this OP). She again said she was sorry and the way she acted throughout the entire event wasn't fair. I told her that I really do love her but I hadn't slept in two nights, I am exhausted and hurt and don't know what to do so I'm going to go stay at my uncles house for at least a few nights, to sleep if nothing else. She said that was fine and she'd wait as long as I wanted her to. I told her that I think we need some sort of counseling so we learn how to better talk with each other. She agreed. So after that I packed up a bag and am now at my uncles house. She did give me a bare chested hug and kiss on the cheek on my way out the door which was pretty nice (and niiiiiiiicee….) but right now I need some sleep. What I do know: • I want to stay with her. • I need to never use words like "you can't go" ever again. • I really do love her. • We are fine for money without her working. I am co-owner of a auto-repair business with my uncle and we have had a great few years. What I don't know (and didn't ask, yet at least): • What is she going to do about her boss? • How this affects her future employment. • That she will realize we are fine without her working and she takes her time and finds a good job with a good boss. I'm sure there's a million other things I'm forgetting or questions I'm not answering. I think the mods are sick of this thread so it's locked. I'm newish to reddit so I don't know if you can see this, if you can respond, if it's dead...just don't know. but thanks for the help. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for not wanting my fiancé to go to dinner with her boss?

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15kkoul/aita_for_not_wanting_my_fiancé_to_go_to_dinner/

15klsb2

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Lalavandelatulipe **Ex-fiancée wants to catch up after he left me at the altar, how do I proceed?** **Originally posted to** r/Advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!death of a parent, abandonment, infidelity and mentions of PTSD!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Positive for OOP!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/153y0qm/exfianc%C3%A9e_wants_to_catch_up_after_he_left_me_at/) **July 19, 2023** Well exactly what the title states, also I’m writing this on mobile sorry for any formatting issues. My (28f) ex-fiancée “Derek” (32m) disappeared the morning of our wedding 2 years ago, evading all attempts to reach him from myself and his family. It was devastating, absolutely soul crushing, the event turned into a party to distract from the pain of the unknown, afterwards I returned to our apartment and slept on the bathroom floor in my wedding dress. It was quite the ugly sight to be honest. His mother ended up coming to the apartment when she informed me tearfully that Derek had run off with an ex of his, they had apparently reconnected a week prior to wedding and he just couldn’t go through with it opting instead to rekindle his relationship with his ex. His family was horrified, I didn’t hear from him until 3 months after he left. He called me, apologised and then revealed that his ex had been hiding his child from him that he just found out about, he wanted to be with them. That’s pretty much all that was said, I didn’t say much, actually I think I only said “hello”. The whole situation left me numb, I just didn’t care anymore. Thankfully though my friends were and continue to be there for me, through all of this muck, they encouraged me to seek therapy and work on healing. Which I’ll be honest was terribly difficult, but after year I felt myself again. Which brings me to today, after the this whole debacle and subsequent self improvement/rebuilding I moved to the UK (originally from Australia) for a change in scenery. Last night I got a message request on instagram, it was Derek. “Hey 👋🏻, I’ve heard you moved to Wales, that’s so cool, I’m travelling to Cardiff towards of the end of July. I’m deeply sorry about everything and I want to discuss what happened leading up to the wedding. I hope Im not overwhelming you, let me know if you’d like to talk over lunch.” Firstly, no idea who told him about my move. Secondly, I don’t know if I crave closure from him, but I also don’t won’t to decide to decline to only layer on regret my decision. So I turn to you strangers of the internet, what should I think about before reaching a decision? Would be wise to decline or should I humour him and listen to his “reasons”? Okay minor update: Wow, this garnered far more attention than I anticipated, so bare with as I try to navigate all of your advice. Although the general consensus is quite clear. I have learned that an old mutual friend of ours revealed where I moved, and evidently he’s been stressing that he needs to tell me something. For the time being I have decided to simply ignore his message, and work through any emerging feelings with my therapist. Thanks **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Sparky81** >The ball is entirely in your court. Do you feel you need anything from him? Do you need an explanation or closure? You don't really owe him anything so it's entirely about what you want from this. **OOP replied** >It sounds pathetic, but I guess I want to the why a bit more in-depth. Yet again learning it won’t change anything from the past, thus brings me to my conflicted state. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/15e9hky/update_exfiancée_wants_to_catch_up_after_he_left/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 31, 2023** Hello everyone, I did update in my original post but I've decided to repost it here. So as I mentioned previously I decided to not respond to his message. A day after however, I received another message from him, which I won't write out in it's entirety. To sum it up for you all though, he apologised for how disingenuous his initial message was and explained why he had reached out to me. Essentially he wanted to discuss that week, that final week before our wedding and the events that led up to him dipping out. Now I will refrain from entirely delving into my exe's and I's past, but my ex-fiancé was diagnosed with PTSD with avoidant attributions from past experiences. His diagnosis did provide quite a bit of clarity looking back our relationship and his past behaviour, so I truly feel for him in his journey of self-healing. However, despite his struggles I still told him that couldn't forgive him for his callous act of living me in a perpetual state of limbo for 3 months, unsure of why he had abandoned me. He said he understood. Now, and some of you will be quite mad with me, but I ultimately agreed to meet him for lunch and I do not regret it. He's not with his ex, actually she passed away 6 months after he left me the alter, which is part of the reason why she reached out to him in the first place. Since then he has been working on himself through therapy, and navigating single fatherhood. Yes the child is his. The lunch wasn't too long, but it was all around, cathartic on both sides. At the end of the lunch, he handed over an envelope which contained the all money we spent preparing for the wedding. Honestly I was dumbfounded, it wasn't a gesture I was expecting on his behalf, and I think he was taken aback when I returned the ring he gave me. It's funny I held onto the ring just in case I needed to sell it if my finances continued to be unstable, but I never had to. Ironic that in the end I did receive money whilst seemingly trading that ring. He looks better, and not to toot my horn but I feel I do as well. Now that chapter has concluded and I no longer feel rage or remorse, I feel free. I feared that I might've still harboured feelings for him, but I have since found that I loved him for the man he was in that moment when we were together, and though we're now apart I'm okay with looking back and acknowledging the love I had for him. I've closed that chapter now, with him, with the woman I was with him. Thank you all so much, any advice on what I should spend the money own? Haha. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Ex-fiancée wants to catch up after he left me at the altar, how do I proceed?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15klsb2/exfiancée_wants_to_catch_up_after_he_left_me_at/

15kmlaq

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The moon is the Earth's only natural satellite. Also, apparently moon dust smells like burnt gun powder according to astronauts that have been there. Content Warning: >!Discussion of Cheating!< Mood Spoilers: >!Happy!< *I am not the OOP. That would be* u/ThrowRABILGrinder *who posted these on* r/relationship_advice [**My(22F) Brother In law (Mid 30s) is on Grindr**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/t0ht6d/my22f_brother_in_law_mid_30s_is_on_grindr/) **(Originally Posted February 24th, 2022)** My sister has been married to him for 10 years and dated him for 2 years before getting married. My best friend is gay and he found his account on grindr. He took screenshots and sent them to me. My sister and her husband have such a great relationship. I don't know how this could have happened, Even I can't believe this. I am so scared and I know the right thing to do but I don't know how I will go about it. I love my sister and I know this will crush her. They seem so in love and I don't know how I can show this to her? I am just really scared on how I will go about this and could use some advice. TLDR : Best Friend found my BIL on grindr, IDK what to do? *The general consensus is for OOP to tell her sister as soon as possible.* \- [Update : My (22F) brother in law is on grindr](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/t2dcoz/update_my_22f_brother_in_law_is_on_grindr/) (Originally Posted February 26th, 2022) I decided to just tell her as quickly as possible so I called her and asked her if we could meet to get coffee and she was down. I showed her the screenshots and she wasn't surprised and the first thing she said was that he still isn't using the pictures she took for him. She said she knew about it and it was not something I needed to worry about but she thanked me for bringing this up to me. She then changed the topic and we drank coffee and when I was about to leave she went quiet and then said that she wanted me to know it is not something she was bullied into and she didn't mind it at all. She said she had other partners too and that she is asexual. I told her that it was very different the image they projected but it was not my business and all that mattered was that she is happy. It is pretty weird as I saw them as the old school puppy love kinda couple and it is wild that they date other people but at the same time but she seems happy and content. I think nothing else really matters. TLDR : My sister is poly? and my brother in law is not cheating. \-

My(22F) Brother In law (Mid 30s) is on Grindr

REPOST

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15kmlaq/my22f_brother_in_law_mid_30s_is_on_grindr/

15kntwc

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/Roadrage333 **in** r/TwoHotTakes. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Accused of being a pedophile , infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!Shock, Disgust, Plot twist, misunderstanding, Reconciliation!< --- &nbsp; [**I (26F) caught my (34M) husband texting a minor. I am on a 8 hour road trip with him and don't know what to do.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15e5zqb/i_26f_caught_my_34m_husband_texting_a_minor_i_am/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Mon, July 31, 2023 I am absolutely shaking right now. My husband and I have known each other for three years and got married 6 months ago. He is perfect and everything I could have asked for. These past years I thought I had been living the dream, but now everything has fallen apart. Two hours into our road trip, my husband decided to take a stop at a gas station and get us some snacks. I stayed inside the car and was waiting for him until I noticed he got a notification from Instagram. This surprised me because he was always adamant about never wanting to get Instagram. I opened up his phone and decided to check what it was. Upon opening it, I found messages with a teenage girl. I only saw a couple of them, but they consisted of: "I love you" "I can't wait to see you again" and him sliding on her stories saying she looks beautiful. I clicked on her profile, and it was obvious she was a teenager, somewhere around 14-16. The fact he was keeping a secret from me didn't even register in my brain, and it was more so the fact that he was texting these things to someone underage. I did not have the chance to look further because he came back within 10 minutes. I don't know what to do. I am terrified, betrayed, and disgusted. I am stuck with him for 6 more hours, and he is noticing I am acting weird. I don't want to confront him on the road, and I feel like these hours are driving me crazy. I need to vent and need some support or something. ***Comments*** **imnotabotareyou** >When you get the phone again, screenshot as much of it as you can and text it to yourself. Delete the screenshots (as well as the “deleted” images in the photos app) and the text. > >Compile this and email Instagram support. Tell them everything you know about him, including make/model of phone and where he would be logging in from geographically. >They should be able to take it from there, they have teams internally that will make sure the authorities are involved. > >These actions are criminal. > >I’m sorry you are going through this. >PS: It is probably safer to make a plan to leave asap and don’t confront him directly. > >Source: I used to work at a social network as a moderator and we had a process that fast tracked these kind of things to a team that worked with the authorities. >ETA: At the very least, get his username and the girl's username. Instagram employees will have access to the rest. > >ETA2: My suggestion to send from his phone was to explicitly create digital breadcrumbs. The image would be created on his device and sent via his accounts, so that it would be inextricably linked to the phone. Thanks. **OOP** >>Hello, >> >>Thank you so much for this reply. The next time we make a stop I will be sure to do this, I'm terrified it will turn into a whole she said, he said story and I want the facts straight. I also want to make sure I know this girls information to help her so she doesn't get away from it. **EDIT:** I want to thank everyone for the replies and support. I have been faking being sick just to get him off my back as to why I am not holding his hand or being affectionate with him. I know I should go along with it and pretend for my sake, but I physically can't bring myself to. I am going to try to take a nap as we have about 4 hours left. I am truly taking everyone's advice to heart, and thank you for everyone taking your time. I just need to rest my brain before I do something I regret. Thankfully, we are on a trip to see my parents, so after these hours, I will truly feel safe. &nbsp; [**[UPDATE] I (26F) caught my (34M) husband texting a minor. I am on a 8 hour road trip with him and don't know what to do.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15eijz5/update_i_26f_caught_my_34m_husband_texting_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - 10 Hours Later First, I want to thank everyone for the support and advice they gave. Like I said in my previous post, I just fell asleep during the car ride and told him I felt sick. We were heading to my parents' house, and I really wanted to be with them. However, within 45 minutes, my husband woke me up and told me he found a nearby hotel for us to stay in. He said he was worried about me and wanted me to rest in a real bed; he also bought medicine for me. At this point, I was freaking out because I was in an unfamiliar area, and he was being extra clingy. Once we got into the room and we laid down, he kept cuddling me and giving me kisses. It made me feel sick, so I left to go to the bathroom. I stayed in the bathroom for about an hour. I scrolled through everyone's comments and kept pacing myself about what to do. I knew my husband was growing concerned because he kept checking on me. After I left the bathroom, he looked so worried, and I just needed to let everything out. I know the number one advice given was not to confront him, and I know it probably was a horrible move, but I couldn't take it. I told him I found his messages on Instagram. He immediately started apologizing and saying he wanted to tell me sooner but couldn't find the time. He was apologizing, but not as intensely as what he could have done. So I confronted him about that and said, "what a lousy apology coming from a pedophile" He immediately went silent. It was probably silent for about 6 minutes when he broke it and asked what I was referring to. I told him, and he looked so hurt. He took a deep breath and explained everything. He said the person I looked through his messages with was his 15-year-old daughter, Sarah. He explained that she reached out to him a year ago on Facebook, and ever since then, he was trying to connect with her. He said within 6 months, he confirmed he was the father, met up with her a bunch of times, and truly formed a strong connection with her. However, 6 months ago, we got married, and he didn't want to stress me out with that news, as well as his daughter not being ready to face others. He also explained that when he was 18, he had an on-and-off relationship with Sarah's mom when one day she just up and ghosted him forever. According to Sarah, her mom is also strict, which is why the message on Instagram to avoid her mom finding out right now. My mind was spiraling, and I knew he knew that. He then placed his phone into my hand and let me scroll farther. Upon scrolling, I found her referring to him as dad, and she sent him a happy father's day awhile back as well. He even said he would do another DNA test to prove it to me. I immediately felt guilty. I feel guilty that my mind immediately took innocent texts and turned them inappropriate, and I felt guilty that I saw my husband in that way. I kept apologizing to him about the accusation. However, my husband just apologized and said he understood my point of view and told me it wasn't my fault. I kept trying to tell him I was sorry, and he kept saying it was okay. I can see the look in his eyes, though, and I can see how hurt he really is. He said we should both just get some sleep and talk more later. To be honest, I can't fall asleep as I feel just disgusted with myself. About his whole secret daughter, it doesn't bother me so much (maybe because it's miles better than the alternative). But I understand the situation and am happy for my husband because he wants kids desperately, but we have decided to wait two years to grow our marriage. I feel as if right now, I flushed everything down the drain and have no clue how to make things better. ***Comments*** **ieatchips** >“Suddenly the room went quiet… there was a damp chill in the like a cool October morning for 6 minutes before he spoke again softly…” 😂😂 seriously how do people eat this shit up **lowcountrytanned** >This very storyline was on TikTok a few months back. > >This is suspicious and I’ll be the one to say it - it sounds like you’ve made this up. > >In fact, I know you’ve made this up. **OOP** >>Okay I am actually dumbfounded. >> >>If this thing happened word for word to someone else, I would be shocked. I don't know how much left I have to prove this is real, but I would appreciate seeing this supposed "TikTok" that is exactly like mine. **possome** >Well damn. Don’t beat yourself up, that’s a huge plot twist. I hope y’all can figure out how to navigate the new family dynamic! Best of luck. **OOP** >>My husband woke up an hour ago, and we had a huge discussion. >> >>Like many of you guys stated, I was in the wrong by jumping to that conclusion instead of trusting my husband and talking to him immediately. I also should not have snooped. >>Although he felt hurt, my husband understood why I jumped to that conclusion and forgave me. He is still hurt I saw him in that lens, but is greatly understanding as to why I did. >>Afterward, he apologized for his lies and hiding away a daughter from me. He acknowledged I should have known about his daughter before we got married. However, he knew how important my wedding was and didn't want to place more stress. I don't blame him for not telling me before our wedding because this isn't a dealbreaker for me, I would understand, and doing it before our wedding would cause stress. I do, however, wish he told me sometime later, but I can forgive him for not because the situation is difficult. >>I will add a couple of concerns to this comment as well. I understand this post reads as fake and outlandish, but in all honesty, it did happen. I went toward this subreddit because I listen to this podcast off of TikTok and am otherwise unfamiliar toward other subreddits. I went straight here instead of friends or family because I did not know how to tell people that my husband was involved with something concerning. I also came here because I was trapped in a car for 8 hours and didn't know how to let my mind race without creating a potential hostile environment in the car. Additionally, I have an English minor, so perhaps that's why my posts feel structured (although I feel as if my writing is everywhere lol). As for the 6-minute stare comments, I genuinely don't know how long it was, but it felt forever. >>I get the concerns of it being fake, and it is valid for everyone to feel that way. However, I don't appreciate the hundreds of comments posting the same thing and analyzing my every detail. It's at the point where there are more comments about this being fake than actual commentary. Which is okay because I think I have all the advice I need, and again thank you to everyone. If anyone else has questions, drop them below. **devedander** >>>That's because everyone got their pitchforks out and then didn't need them afterall. >>> >>>If there's one thing Reddit detectives hate more than being wrong, it's having nothing to do. >>>So when they found out they were wrong they just started digging again because... surely can't be wrong twice! >>> >>>Just remember the majority of them come to their conclusions by making the most dramatic assumption and then looking for anything that might back it up, not critical thinking and logic evaluation, so it's useless to try and prove otherwise since technically anything is possible, and that's all they need to feel confident they are right. &nbsp; **EDIT:** To answer some common questions or concerns - To the people who think my husband sucks for not telling me earlier: he acknowledged that it was wrong, and through his apology, I understand why he did it. I am slightly hurt; however, if I put myself in his shoes, revealing a secret daughter would be hard and difficult. I don't take it as he doesn't trust me; it's more of a delicate situation to bring up. - To the people who think I suck for invading my husband's privacy and making rash assumptions. Yes, that was horrible of me, and I take full accountability. My husband understands my point of view and doesn't blame me for rushing to conclusions. Although he is hurt, I could imagine him as that sort of person. - Long story short, we both empathize with each other's actions. Yes, we both are hurt but understand why the course of events played out this way. Thank you to all the comments, and I don't know what kind of proof I can give lol. But one thing I can assure you is that I did not steal this off some TikTok, and I would like if anyone had the "TikTok" I stole it from lmao. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I (26F) caught my (34M) husband texting a minor. I am on a 8 hour road trip with him and don't know what to do

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15kntwc/i_26f_caught_my_34m_husband_texting_a_minor_i_am/

15kny0b

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/Yam-Throwaway *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!theft, vandalism, family conflicts, substance abuse, bullying, physical violence, mental health issues!< mood spoilers: >!hope for positive changes, attempts at reconciliation, family struggles, the impact of actions on mental health!< --- &nbsp; *Due to the character limit, I can't submit the complete post. So, I will include a link to each update in this post for those who missed or don't recall the previous BoRU. Additionally, I will provide a summary of each update **here** for those who like it brief.* These are the links to the Original Update; [Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4039i/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) and [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z405hx/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) &nbsp; [**ORIGINAL POST SUMMARY**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s8x7nn/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/) in r/AmItheAsshole - Fri Jan, 21, 2022 A day before making the post, OOP returned home to find his shed broken into, and items, including soda cans, were missing. Security camera footage revealed his nephews committed the theft. OOP demanded reimbursement of over $200, but the parents (Sister and BIL) resisted due to their financial situation. OOP considered involving the police. &nbsp; **UPDATE SUMMARY added to original post** After the theft incident, OOP went to the police and cut ties with his sister and BIL. The nephews continued to harass OOP. The stolen items, except for the gas from the can, were returned. The police assured consequences for the nephews' actions. OOP refused to have the nephews work off the debt due to their history of irresponsible behavior. &nbsp; ***Updates in*** *r/EntitledPeople* [**UPDATE 2 SUMMARY**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/scrv4n/my_entitled_nephews_stole_from_me_one_time_too/) - Wed, Jan 26, 2022 OOP went to the police, resulting in his nephews' arrest on charges of larceny, vandalism, and harassment. He plans to take legal action against his sister and BIL for enabling their children's behavior and seeks community service as part of the nephews' punishment. In the end, OOP's family supports his decision, as they've also been victims of the nephews' thefts. He remained determined to teach them a lesson and prevent further incidents by holding them accountable for their actions. &nbsp; [**UPDATE 3 SUMMARY**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/slng7t/update_to_my_entitled_nephews_stealing_from_me/) - Sun, Feb 06, 2022 Sister and BIL caved in to the pressure and paid OOP $500 which he demanded in small claims lawsuit. They admitted their mistakes and promised to ensure the nephews were properly punished. OOP's family supported him, with his parents even threatening to disown his sister unless they made positive changes. Although OOP dropped the lawsuit after receiving payment, his nephews still face theft charges, and his sister and BIL are now actively parenting them. OOP's home is off-limits to the nephews. It's basically the extended family versus OOP's sister and BIL. &nbsp; [**UPDATE 4 SUMMARY**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yyjyqi/update_to_my_nephews_stealing_cans_from_my_shed/) - Fri, Nov 18, 2022 After the whole ordeal with the stolen cans and vandalism, OOP decided to amp up security by adding more cameras around the property. However, his eldest nephew was still harboring resentment and seeking revenge. In the middle of the night, wearing a mask, he used his dad's hammers to wreak havoc on OOP's shed, broke the window, and damaged the back door. Thankfully, OOP called the police in time, and through evidence, they identified the culprit, who happened to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Despite this, his actions couldn't be excused. The younger brothers distanced themselves from their troubled sibling, and OOP wasn't eager to be around him either. The whole family was divided, with some members excluding him from gatherings, while others hoped for a change and reconciliation. It was a tough situation for everyone involved. OOP recognized that his sister and BIL's parenting might have played a role in their nephew's behavior. Now, they were all just trying to deal with the aftermath and hoping for a better future. --- &nbsp; [**[NEW UPDATE] My eldest nephew got his front teeth knocked out at school, and is now a shut-in**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/1553rz6/update_3_my_eldest_nephew_got_his_front_teeth/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Thu, July 20, 2023 I was hoping to have a better update for everyone after the Holidays, but things didn't really get better. They started to, and then went downhill again. It took some time, but everything is more or less okay now. I didn't post earlier because I thought it better to wait. I wrote most of this months ago, but decided I'd wait a little longer to see if the situation would improve. But then I waited too long and just plain forgot until recently. So here's hopefully the final update of the devil snake who tempted his nephews with a shed full of cans. I'd do a recap, but there's just too damn much for that. So if you want to know the rest, you'll have to go back and read it. To start this post off with, last year my sister and BIL went to Thanksgiving at BIL's parents' house instead of with my parents. My eldest nephew wasn't exactly on his best behavior over there either. But he didn't cause any trouble. At least, that's what they told everyone. My sister and BIL also had a long talk with our parents about how excluding my nephew would not help his mental state at the moment. And I also backed them on this because with the way things were going, all my nephew would feel is hate. So my parents relented and let him come to Christmas Eve. I, of course, got him a gift. But because I wanted to help him mentally get better, in early December I went out and bought him a used metallic green mountain bike at the local secondhand store. It needed a little bit of work, but was an excellent buy for 30 bucks. I also learned that since his good backpack was stolen, he was using an old one that belonged to one of his brothers. So I grabbed a used one at the same secondhand store for about 5 bucks. I fixed up the bike and washed the backpack, and when I presented them both to him on a Sunday, he seemed completely shocked I'd give him anything. And it also made him really awkward. But he took them both with a look that said "Thanks" and started using them right away to go to and from school like he did with his old bike and backpack. My sister and BIL were also pretty damn shocked I gave him gifts, let alone replace the stuff that was stolen from him when he ran away after he attacked my house with hammers. But the gifts had the effect I was hoping for. I was no longer the object of his rage. He really had been looking for any excuse to make me out to be the vile snake that ruined his life. But I'm not. When I next saw him, it was at the family Christmas Eve party. And while there, my sister and BIL made him apologize for putting all his anger on me. They loomed over him like shadows while he talked to me. He was told to look me in the eye repeatedly. And in his apology, he admitted that it wasn't my fault he was arrested. He egged me on, he stole from me, and he damaged my property. And he won't do it again. We shook hands, and he didn't make any trouble at the party at all. But his parents were like his shadows that entire evening. They didn't leave him alone at all. They might as well have had him on a leash. It was awkward, but I can understand why. They'd put a lot on the line just so he could be allowed to come to Christmas. At New Years, though, things took a dive. My eldest nephew stole a bottle of champagne from his parents and drank it all fast while locked in the bathroom before anyone could stop him. He'd asked for a drink of it prior, and was told he was too young. So he stole one of the bottles and chugged it. We didn't know this until then, but apparently he'd been stealing alcohol for some time before his first arrest. And he kept a hidden stash somewhere that slowly ran out as he only touched it little by little, and even sold some of it to other kids in the neighborhood. He didn't get in massive trouble. Just got sent to his room for the night after he said he stole the booze because he was just REALLY craving it, and it was New Years. His brothers admitted to their parents about his stash, and showed them where it was hidden. It was a plastic tub in the crawlspace under the house. When confronted about how they got all the alcohol, my two younger nephews admitted to following their brother's lead and only stole one beer at a time or poured some hard alcohol from its original bottle into another bottle little by little. And then the biggest bomb. They had been sneaking into other people's houses and doing the same thing all over the neighborhood. Their way of breaking in was to look for unlocked doors and windows, no houses with dogs because they'd bark, and the youngest would crawl in through windows because he was the smallest. And then he'd unlock the doors to let his brothers in. They made sure not to steal anything big from inside the houses, so they could come back multiple times. But after they got arrested last year, they realized they didn't enjoy being thieves anymore. And were just following their brother's lead, like they'd said before. Of course, the kids were in trouble for not admitting any of that until then. And despite trying to keep it secret, word still got around somehow. It confirmed some of the suspicions of the neighbors. Considering how good my nephews were at being cat burglars, you'd think they'd have been more mindful of cameras. Or perhaps they just figured old uncle Yam would never get cameras. But after my nephews were exposed as thieves, a few of my and my sister's neighbors got cameras too. The punishment for admitting how they stole stuff was minor for my nephews. It was kinda redundant for the eldest because he's still in trouble with being on probation and whatnot. And he hadn't tried to steal anything else until he took the bottle of champagne. My BIL started giving him lots of mint gum to chew to help with his cravings, because it was what he used to help cut back on drinking himself. And it kinda helped. BIL also started keeping all his booze locked in a padlocked fridge in the garage. He suspects his son tried to get into it once. All of that aside, things didn't seem so bad until my eldest nephew got in a fight at school in February. I'm told he didn't start it. But another kid picked on him until they started swinging fists. He got his two front teeth knocked out by the bully when he got his face slammed into a locker. There ended up being a reason why for this attack. My younger nephews told me their older brother had a number of targets to pick on at school before getting arrested. He was apparently the typical bully people picture when they think of one. He stole things from other kids, aimed for the small and the weak, smacked them around when no one was looking, and on more than one occasion used a small knife to stab bike tires. Well, the big brother of a kid he'd previously picked on went after him. And that boy messed him up. Both of his top front teeth were knocked out, and his nose was broken. He had to be taken to the hospital, and an emergency oral surgeon had to put his teeth back in. Which also required special braces to hold them in place. His nose also had to be reset, and he was put in a neck brace. The poor boy didn't wanna be seen by anyone for months. No one pressed charges. Believe me, I've asked many times as to why not. But the other kid's parents paid at least half of the cost for my nephew's treatments for his teeth and nose through their insurance. That's what they told me anyway. My sister and BIL's health insurance sucked for covering the rest though, and they had a high copay. They didn't bother to file anything because they didn't want to be in court again, and the other parents only paid as much as they did because they didn't want to be sued. I contributed a bit to the cost too. I still had the $500 they'd given me in cash after I sued them, and decided to give it back to them to help ease the cost a little. They won't tell me how much it cost to get my nephew's nose fixed and two front teeth put back in. But after that, I think they may have had no savings left. When I saw my nephew after the incident, his face was messed up, and his front teeth were wired in place. He refused to return to school and did all his remaining lessons online with a school provided laptop. The boy who beat him up I was told, received nothing more than a two-week suspension. I won't deny I was upset. But at the same time, I know this only happened because my nephew was a bully to other kids. What goes around, does still eventually come around. We're in summer now, and my eldest nephew is still a shut-in most of the time. He'll go out bike riding alone for an hour or two. But other than that, he generally keeps to himself in his room. There have been talks from my sister and BIL of moving closer to his parents after their son's probation is up. And I don't blame them. Practically the whole neighborhood hates them now. So they want out as soon as they can afford it. Which unfortunately may take another year or so to pull off. I have been spending more time with my two younger nephews. And they are doing a lot better now. They're more respectful and have been allowed back in my home. Nothing has gone missing, and I enjoy spending time with them watching movies and playing games. They've become good kids again. And they're trying to make up for their mistakes. On the rare occasion I see my eldest nephew, he is not cold to me anymore. He even brought his bike to me for repairs once. But he's a boy of few words now. Almost stoically silent these days. I do know that when he's 18, he wants to be far away from here. We've suggested trade school. And he's not against the idea. Beyond that, I've been doing my best not to overstep as an uncle. So that's it. After all this time, I may have nothing more to write here. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

[NEW UPDATE] AITA for wanting my sister to pay me back for the cans her kids stole from my shed?

NEW UPDATE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15kny0b/new_update_aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me/

15l2m1x

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/clothesindrawers **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!content related to mental health!< mood spoilers: >!a transformation from a controlling behavior to positive change!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA for throwing my kid’s clothes onto the floor when they don’t fold their clothes neatly**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbtzdt/aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the_floor/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, June 19, 2020* So I’ve always been kind of a neat freak mom the entire time my kids have been alive. I always expect their rooms to be clean, and I check their drawers/closets/storage bins to make sure they don’t just shove stuff in there to make the room appear clean. The kids (16, 13, 9, and 6) are all responsible for putting away their laundry, and my oldest two are responsible for folding their own clothes. Which bothers me because my 13 year old folds his clothes in a way that bothers me, he rolls them up instead of properly folding them. Ever since the kids have been home and have more free time, I am more strict about the way they put away their clothes. I expect their clothes to be folded a certain way and organized in a certain way in their drawers. I read from a mommy blogger a few years ago, that when her kid’s drawers weren’t organized she would make a mess for them to organize the right way. I considered it for a few years, but now that the kids are old enough, I think it’s the way to go for us. I haven't had to do this until yesterday, I walked into my 16 year old’s room while she was Facetiming her boyfriend, and saw her basket of laundry that needed to be folded and out of curiosity, opened her drawers, and saw she has shoved her clothes in there. I started making a mess and she screamed “Mom why?” and I told her she knew why. After that I walked out of her room, she explained to her boyfriend what I did and he says “Your mom’s fucking crazy bruh” and I peek my head into her room, give her a look, and she ends the call with him and breaks down crying. I told my husband what happened, he told me “I knew said you were gonna do that but I didn’t know you would actually follow through.” This morning I woke up to a note on my daughter’s door saying “Until mom can get mental help, I’m staying with Aunt (my sister’s name)” I texted her, no response. I tried contacting my sister, who said she has no plans to return until I “get mental help and stop being such a controlling bitch” My husband, sister, and mom are all against me in this which hurts. I don’t think it harmed my daughter, it benefits her and helps her stay organized. ***Judgement: Asshole*** &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE - AITA for throwing my kid's clothes onto the floor when they don't fold them neatly?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9ld3q/update_aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, August 14, 2020* Almost 2 months ago I made a post on here about me throwing my daughter’s clothes onto the drawer when they weren’t folded neatly. Well that post really blew up, people on Twitter also chimed in. Well the night I made the post, I was still in serious denial. I replied to some comments and my denial was perfectly clear for everyone to see. The day after I read some more comments and messages I received from everyone. I resorted to the guest room and cried for hours. I read some people tell me that their moms were similar to me and they no longer have relationships with them. That was truly my worst fear, I seriously love my kids more than anything on this planet even if my actions don’t always show it. I booked a virtual appointment with a phycologist, who diagnosed me with OCD and let me know she would help me. I have since had about 8 sessions with her and she has been a big help. Of course I still have a long way to go but I have been noticing some improvements already. As for my daughter, she stayed at my sister’s house and came home a few days later after I told her that there would be major improvements made in my behavior. I sat all the kids down and told them that I have the resources to not be such an overbearing asshole to them anymore. One thing I do want to address is the fact that I was usually controlling with my kids, but the incident I wrote about was the one that sent both me and my daughter over the edge. Me and her are on much better terms. I want to thank Reddit for waking me the hell up to become a better mom and wife. I also want to apologize to anyone who I brought back bad memories to. I want to have relationships with my children until we all grow old and I know so many of you guys don't have that, which breaks my heart but also hearing your stories gave me a big change of heart and are helping me fix my relationships and become a better person. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for throwing my kid’s clothes onto the floor when they don’t fold their clothes neatly

REPOST

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15l2m1x/aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the_floor/

15l2uad

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Vegetable-Passion809 **AIW for not letting my sister breastfeed my baby?** **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong & r/babybumps **Thanks to u/queenlegolas for showing me these posts** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!obsessive behavior, potential child abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/150l8v1/aiw_for_not_letting_my_sister_breastfeed_my_baby/) **July 15, 2023** Hi ok so I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit but I don’t know where else to rant about this. I F28 and my husband 39 recently had twin girls Lana and Clara. Clara is a delicate baby, she has some issues with her immune system but so do I so we figured one of the babies might have some issues with it. But Lana is a big strong baby. My younger sister, Lucy 24 has had some trouble conceiving and I figured she may have been jealous when I was pregnant but she didn’t show it which I appreciated. She has always wanted to be a mother so I tried my best to be a good sister to her and let her lean on my shoulder whilst also preparing for my girls. I had a hard birth and that coupled with my health issues means that I’ve decided to not breast feed and just formula feed. It’s important to note that both of the girls are healthy and at a good weight. Lucy has been somewhat erratic since the girls have been born, (they are 4 months), so I’ve been careful to monitor when they’re together but I thought it was important to let her be an Aunty. My husband was more concerned but I asked him to let it go so he has. We had a family gathering barbecue thing with our parents, my sister and her husband and some of our friends. Lana was awake and playing with our parents while we were cooking and Clara was napping so both of the girls were content. Lucy says she needs the bathroom and is gone for like 20 minutes so I go looking for her and I hear talking coming from the twins nursery. I figured that she was having a snuggle with Clara so I head into the room and oh my fucking god. I thought I was going to be sick, or hit her or I don’t know what. She was sat in the rocking chair trying to breastfeed my daughter!!! I’m being serious, she had her boob out with it in Clara’s mouth. Clara looked confused and didn’t know what to do with it as she’s never been breastfed. I started to shout at her asking what the hell did she think she was doing with my baby. I took Clara from her and tried to soothe her. Lucy tried to calm me down telling me that I should be grateful and thank her for acting in the best interest of my baby. She said I was failing them by not being able to breast feed them, but her fertility medication has let her start lactating so she decided to help me out. She said the reason Clara wasn’t as well as her sister is because she was being given formula and sickly babies shouldn’t be formula fed. She said I was being unreasonable and that her and Clara have formed a bond over this and that it was cruel to take her away from her. I have no fucking idea what that means. Does that mean it’s been happening more than once!? What the hell does she think she’s doing? Clara and Lana are my babies not hers! I feel sorry for her but I’m not wrong for thinking this is ridiculous right? EDIT: thanks for the advice everyone. I can’t lie I find the concept of wet nurses weird and steeped in bad history and slavery but I can appreciate it’s the right choice for some people. But I don’t like the idea of another woman having intimate skin contact with my babies. We will take the girls to their paediatrician tomorrow but I don’t even now if she was producing actual milk. She could be lying. EDIT 2: we went to the doctors and he said that Clara is fine. He doesn’t believe Lucy was even producing milk. Clara has an iron deficiency so that could be why she’s a bit sickly. I’ve tried telling our parents, they’re going to focus on looking after Lucy I think. CAN EVERYONE STOP SAYING TO THINK ANOUT LETTING HER BREAST FEED. NOW WAY IN HELL IS THAT HAPPENING. SHE WANTS TO BE MY DAUGHTERS MOTHER. AND TO THE MAN IN THE COMMENTS TELLING ME IM BEING TO EMOTIONAL AND FEEL ASHAMED AS I COULDNT BREASTFEED BUT LUCY COULD PLEASE STOP. IM THE MOTHER AND AHE VIOLATED OUR RELATIONSHIP u/lobo1217 leave me alone [Formula shaming](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/152ahfe/formula_shaming/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 17, 2023** Ok so I have a bit of a unique situation that you can see on my profile but the gist of it is I’m not able to breastfeed both medically and out of choice and I walked in on my sister trying to breast feed one of my twin daughters. Honestly I feel so violated. The act of skin to skin contact with a baby is such an intimate experience for mother and baby and the fact that my sister has tried to steal that from me is so sickening. She says they have a bond and that makes me sick to my stomach. She’s my daughter. Anyways I’m being shamed for formula feeding as my daughter has an iron deficiency even though the doctor has given her supplements. My sister is saying I’m failing my daughter but she’s able to give her everything she needs. It’s really fucking with my head. I posted in Am I wrong but there are some horrible male commenters saying my sister would be the better mother, I’m begging too emotional and embarrassed. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/15axvdo/aiw_for_not_letting_my_sister_breastfeed_my_baby/) **July 27, 2023** Hi guys. Thanks for the support under my initial post. I’m glad to know other moms share my feelings and boundaries. And it’s funny to me the people saying I should be grateful and allow her to continue are men… Anyways drama ensued after I warned my parents and BIL that they should get her help as she wasn’t ok. And expressed my boundaries that she wouldn’t see my babies for the foreseeable future. I’ve been working from home with Kerim since so we can spend some time as a family to bond. It’s been lovely. We’ve been keeping the girls close and having lots of cuddles. Thank for Clara and Lana still seem bonded to me and are happily taking their bottles from us. The iron deficiency seems to be getting better now that she’s getting some extra help. Lucy turned up to our porch yesterday crying hysterically and screaming at us to open the door. I rang my parents and told them I’d call the police if they didn’t come and get her. She started pounding on the door demanding I let her see Clara. That Clara needed her and her breast and that it was cruel to keep them apart. That she would be missing her and they were bonded. I told her she’d never see my babies again unless she got better and to fuck off before I slapped her. Our parents turned up to get her and I told them she needed to be taken to therapy or something. So that’s where we are now EDIT: we’ve spoken to police but they’ve said it’s a civil family issue (Europe). **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AIW for not letting my sister breastfeed my baby?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15l2uad/aiw_for_not_letting_my_sister_breastfeed_my_baby/

15l6w47

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/toastandcrumb](https://www.reddit.com/user/toastandcrumb/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!dog death; !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Things are looking up!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15f06oa/aita_for_cancelling_my_brothers_wedding/)**: July 31, 2023** To make a novel short, my (F,27) brother (M,30) met his future wife (F, 28 - Ella) at a party three years ago. Honestly, we never got along but I always tried to put up a peaceful front because my brother seemed blissfully happy with her. Ella was mean to me a lot. Like A LOT. She would make comments about my weight, my makeup, and especially my dog. She hated animals and hated that I would bring my lab, Toast, to my parents or my brothers house. It always just felt like something aimed to hurt me. When the two got engaged she asked me to be her MOH since she has no sisters or many girl-friends and since my brother seemed thrilled, I obliged. What I failed to realize when I accepted the role was that to her MOH meant planning the entire wedding. Like I was booking venues, florists, jazz band, everything. Even worse she expected me to put my MY credit card down for all of it. (My brother and her are not exactly well off and since I have a well paying job I didn’t mind holding the deposits but it was starting to add up to a lot.) Everytime I asked Ella about it, she would say that it would all be paid back by her parents before the wedding. Well flash forward to last week, about three weeks before the wedding and she’s unbearable to be around. She can’t last more than a few sentences before snapping at anyone. So when I of course brought up the money, shit hit the fan. I asked if she had received the updated receipt of everything owed when she exploded. She called me a whole line of terrible names but the one that stuck out was her saying “What do you need the money for anyway? Your sick dog is dead now.” My beautiful Toasty died about a month before this after he fought the bravest battle with cancer. He was my soul dog and I was devastated. I blinked at her and simply left the room, having no energy to even respond to something so cruel. I went back to my car and after the 20 silent minute drive home, I parked the car and immediately called the vendors and cancelled any deposit under my card. Every. Single. One. After almost 20 calls, all that was left of her wedding was the dress and the flower arch. I texted my brother a short explanation. I told him that every vendor would be contacting him if they wished to keep their services and they were now responsible for covering everything. And that I would no longer be attending. It was a matter of minutes before my phone started to explode and I just turned it off. It’s been a few days and I haven’t talked to anyone but my mom, who thankfully understands where I was coming from. My brother has tried to call but I just feel terrible. Both about what I did and about what she said. I know what I did was extreme but I also couldn’t sit by and practically enable her cruelty anymore. I still can’t help but feel bad for ruining my brother’s big day. So I don’t know, am I the asshole for this? ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/toastandcrumb/comments/15fch6r/update_aita_for_cancelling_my_brothers_wedding/)**: August 1, 2023** Linked the OG post Figured you guys deserved some updates First thing asked - me paying. Ella was promised a hefty wedding budget when she was younger. Between those years, and the pandemic, they had to dip into that wedding fund. In the end, Ella only got a third of what she was promised. She insisted that most of what she had, had to go to the dress. But she would drone on about how there were so many things the wedding wouldn’t have and how it wouldn’t be the “wedding of their dreams.” It was only like a week after that my brother came up and asked if I could cover a few costs of the wedding while Ella’s parents made up the rest to pay it back. I do make a considerable amount more and since this would by my brothers wedding too, I agreed. Stupid. I know. Second most discussed - Ella’s treatment of me. Truthfully she played the nice and loving girlfriend well to most, especially my brother. Even I thought she turned a new leaf a few times but it would never last. Some of the comments she made wouldn’t be always outwardly mean enough for a passerby to pick up (aka my brother.) Along the lines of “oh are you sure you want to go out in that? Something looser might be more comfortable.” or “I would loan you a shirt but I don’t want it to stretch out.” Mean girl comments simply put. She lost many friends over her crazy notion of them being jealous of her (even accusing them of being in love with my brother) She had two other bridesmaids in the wedding but they were barely close as well. Someone said it in the comments - being stuck between seeing snow white and not being able to see the evil queen within. That’s the best way to describe her. She’s beautiful but something is rotting inside. And maybe the most asked, did they stay together? I caved and finally answered my brother last night. From what he said, they are on a “break.” My brother had picked up on a few instances of her acting questionably but hoped it was wedding stress. He was fuming when he found out what she said. I do know she no longer has the ring. (My brother and I’s relationship is definitely going to need some repair but I think after a long communication break, and setting up better boundaries for partners and respect to siblings in the future, we should be okay.) Also yes I did lose some money. Just as predicted, she hoped I would end up gifting the payments anyway. Ella had told my brother that she was waiting for a surprise check from her grandparents to completely pay it off. Check didn’t exist. Thankfully the no-longer-to be in laws have agreed to sell the dress to pay me back for what I did lose, instead of legal action. Lastly, to my boy Toast. All of your sweet comments made me cry for an embarrassing amount of time lol. I hope I made him proud. There will never be a day I don’t defend that dog with everything I have. He is being lovingly remembered but his family and his little brother Crumb 🫶 ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP responds to a comment saying this is fake:* "There is nothing convenient about what happened. Did I put up with hurtful comments now and again because I wanted my brother to be happy? Yes. I wasn’t going to make a scene because she told me my foundation looked cakey. I wasn’t going to meet pettiness with pettiness. People just want to see the best in each other, and unfortunately we learn why we shouldn’t do so the hard way. Not everything is resolved. The situation is still happening. But yes after finally speaking to my brother after a week, I got new information. Kinda how resolving a situation goes. There are still issues unresolved, this post doesn’t signify everything going back to “right.” The most sick part of this comment is thinking I’d lie about my dog. There are a lot of shitty things in this world but making up the death of a dog? Life exists more than making up stories for the internet. Hope you have a better day." *Did Ella reach out to you?* "Yes but we haven’t spoken. She followed me out to my car that day when she realized I wasn’t turning around. I just ignored her and drove away as she started to progressively get more mad. She blew up my phone and was the main reason I had to turn it off. She continuously said I was being selfish for making this time about me. (Even tried to convince my brother this sick and twisted version where I was the one who went off) From what I know, no one from my family has spoken to her, including my brother, the last two days." *Take care of yourself and take a day off:* "Crumb and I are gonna head to Toast’s favorite lake I think. We never got to properly mourn him during the midst of the planning so hoping to dedicate a weekend for him ❤️" **Toast Tax:** [**https://www.reddit.com/user/toastandcrumb/comments/15fhbo9/toast\_tax/**](https://www.reddit.com/user/toastandcrumb/comments/15fhbo9/toast_tax/) ***Editor's note- RIP to a good boy.***

AITA for cancelling my brothers wedding?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15l6w47/aita_for_cancelling_my_brothers_wedding/

15l6wsu

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/TroaAxaltion](https://www.reddit.com/user/TroaAxaltion/). He posted in r/pettyrevenge (he clarifies he is male in the comments) **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/12lxar8/throw_me_under_the_bus_nah_i_dont_think_so/)**: April 14, 2023** I work for a medical equipment company, specifically in the contracting department. We handle paperwork for million dollar instruments globally, and I handle half of the United States in my territory. It can be challenging, and if a customer fails to sign an agreement it can cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars a day if something breaks. And if they fail to sign because of ME, then that can come back to bite my company in the ass, because we might have to pay for the repair ourselves (this hasn't ever happened yet, just a potential consequence. I'll knock on wood now) so I'm fastidious about my work. Half an hour ago I got an email from one of my account managers, we'll call him Hank. Subject line wasn't directly hostile, but it was marked important and listed a bigger account. Hank emailed me wanting to know why a contract hadn't gotten to the customer, basically asking "hey, this is WAY PAST DUE, and it's you're fault, care to explain yourself?" He cc'd his boss and my supervisors so they could all see my big mistake. I dug and looked, and he was right: the customer's contract expired 8 months ago. A little more digging and I found out he emailed me about this customer's equipment last September. So I re-read the email chain, it was a conversation from half a year ago, after all. Luckily for me I keep all my emails filed perfectly, account by account (and even color coded in each folder based on info and subject). It's tedious, but it can definitely come in handy if I ever need to look back for any reason. Then I sent him a response: "Hey Hank, These are the two equipment pieces you asked about back on 9/10, correct? The ones that were outside my scope? In the last email I’d seen from you about that (attached), you’d said you were putting together a contract for that equipment, because my team doesn’t handle these types of contracts, which I confirmed for you in the attached email from 10/22. If I’ve let something slip through the cracks here, don’t hesitate to ask. Always happy to help." I then attached the email where I'd told him I wouldn't be handling this because it wasn't my job, and also attached the email where he acknowledged I was correct and said he would handle this himself. I kept both of our supervisors cc'd. After all, he'd been the one who added them. I basically told him 'yeah you did ask about that, and we determined it was in no way my job and definitely something you should handle, and you said you'd handle that 6 months ago, did you not handle it like you said you would?' in front of our bosses. And now Hank's boss can start his day by reading about how Hank promised a customer a contract half a year ago and then never followed through. I suspect that Hank will be meeting with his boss in a few hours to discuss this. It's gonna be a tough, tough day for Hank. Anyone tries to throw me under the bus, I'm ready with a judo flip. I ain't going out like that. Edit: sorry, I was typing on my phone. "Contact" was "contract" and was corrected. ***My favorite comment from OOP:*** "I have the memory of a goldfish but the tenacity of a small, entitled Chihuahua" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/15dmkan/update_throw_me_under_the_bus_it_worked_i_got/)**: July 30, 2023 (3.5 months later)** **Title:** Throw me under the bus? It worked. I got fired. Quick tl;dr for those new to the story: an account manager named Hank wasn't doing his job, got in trouble, tried to throw me under the bus and pin it on me, but I'd kept receipts and proved he was the real problem. So, as the title states, I'm now working with a different company. So what happened? Well for that we need background on Mary. Mary was an account manager a few years ago, ambitious, slimy, and willing to cheat. When she saw a woman near retirement making double what she made, she saw an opportunity. Sarah had a team of three under her, and she was old fashioned and very particular. It would've been easy for Sarah to rub people the wrong way. Sadly, she was an easy target. Mary got some friends together and launched a character attack on Sarah, pointing out their "slow meager growth" and saying she could do that whole team's job blindfolded if given the chance. The company listened. Sarah was pushed into early retirement and Mary was given Sarah's job... But they didn't give Mary a team. Since Mary said she could do the whole team's job herself, turns out the company took her at her word. Company saw they could fire 4, promote 1, and cut costs. Whoops. Now Mary can't promote the AM buddies she'd conspired with. Not yet anyway. So she buckles down and does her best to stay afloat. Mary flounders. After a rough year and a half, she's deep in drugs and booze, her numbers are terrible, and she's facing a firing squad because there's an employee in her department, a lower rung contacting guy, who is outpacing her. That's right, if you haven't put it together, Mary was my current boss. (And I sadly didn't know about Mary's rise to her position until after the hammer dropped, talking with her coworkers) Mary was doing the job of my 4 previous managers and DEFINITELY struggling to keep her head above water, having WAY TOO MUCH to do as Sarah's team's replacement. My entire team knew she'd be promoting people into Sarah's team's old roles eventually and we all hoped for a spot. Since I was regularly hitting 200% quota, I was a shoo-in for one of those spots... Or was I? Sadly, it turns out that Mary's position was actually worse than any of us knew. After underperforming for too long, she was secretly facing termination. And turns out? They were looking to hire me in her spot when they brought me up for training, right after my vacation. Mary was panicked, facing losing her job, and she knew I kept receipts so she couldn't make up a story and write me off like she'd done to get where she was now. Then, the Hank problem happened. I emailed her my receipts, and instead Mary found an ally. She saw an opportunity, to work with Hank, an AM who also wanted me gone now for his own job security, and together they devised a plan. While I was out for a week visiting family down south, they collect several "Account Manager complaints" that no one ever saw, just "stuff she knew" about AMs that didn't want to keep working with me. Hank and Mary worked together while I was out of the office and couldn't defend myself, pressured my weak willed boss, and made their move. She said my emails were unprofessional, citing an email where I asked "I was wondering if you'd had the chance to review the contract I'd sent over a few weeks ago?" As being "pushy, unprofessional, and accusatory." My boss crumpled like a house of cards. No warning. No write up. No training to improve. No days without pay. No demotion. For a trumped up email charge and some vague promises of whispers in the wind (and probably some money or favors to my boss), my boss caved and went from a slap on the wrist to launching the nuke. When I got back on Monday, they met me at the door (so to speak, we all work from home) and let me know they had decided to let me go, no discussion, it was all decided and finalized. I was hired by another company same day, so I'm fine. Making the same money, so the worst thing I'll lose out on is that 200% bonus payout every few months, which does suck. Be careful. Some times, when you avoid being thrown under a bus, they just get a bigger bus and try again. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Reflection from OOP:* "Yeah I agree. It was rough but I'm in a better spot in the long run." *Mad about the manager:* "I really hate that I was friends with the guy. We started at the company same day, and we had one another's backs. When his family failed, I picked him up. When my AC caught fire, he shelled out from his own pockets to get me sorted out. When he did stand-up comedy I was on the front row and paying for a shirt. That was all before he got promoted to manager. Once he was there, he slowly sank to "all about me." "That's part of what sucks, is he knows. Even said privately he agrees that it's the wrong move. He was just too cowardly to fight back." *Their reactions and your reactions during the firing:* "No clue what theirs were, it's not like they were in the room. As for me, I asked for feedback from my manager, he said he would get it to me. I thanked them for the opportunity, they ended the call, and emailed me privately with instructions on how to return my equipment. Exit meeting was under five minutes. I managed to keep my cool until the call ended, and then I broke down." *Not saying you're making it up, but why on EARTH would they trust her word over yours?* "That's been keeping me up at night, no lie. I was even friends with my manager outside of work so it stung really bad. We haven't spoken since, he just ignores me. I hate the idea that she might've promised him a promotion but he's always been money motivated, so that might've been all it took. I really hope not, but I honestly can't say. I really wish I could though." "I don't care if you believe it my man. And no, my entire team is very professional (other than Mary and Hank) and I was happy to share drinks and dinner with them. In fact, I'll really miss my manager, he and I were friends outside of work, he was a funny comedian in the off hours. But don't get it twisted: my managers' boss is Mary. She SHOULD be fired, but nobody wants to fire her yet." **OOP responded to a few questions in this post's comments:** "Hey, OOP here. I'm in an At-Will state, where people can fire you on the spot without giving a reason. The fact that they made one up at all is nice, considering what some companies do. I do hope their numbers tank next quarter, but time will tell."

Petty Revenge: Throw me under the bus? Nah, I don't think so.

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15l6wsu/petty_revenge_throw_me_under_the_bus_nah_i_dont/

15l73nk

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/EternallyXIII **TIFU by mixing up the dates my wife and I had tickets to Taylor Swift's Eras tour** **Originally posted to** r/tifu [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15dd72g/tifu_by_mixing_up_the_dates_my_wife_and_i_had/) **July 30, 2023** This happened earlier tonight. Back story, my wife loves Taylor Swift. We actually had one of our first dates at a Taylor Swift concert. She was SO excited with the Eras tour was announced because she had missed Taylor's last tour, and hadn't seen her perform live since 2015. ​ We were fortunate enough to get into the Verified Fan presale because I've purchased many of Taylor's albums on Vinyl for my wife as gifts. As some of you may have heard the persale was a shitshow and we did not successfully get tickets (looking for tonight 7/29). We again were fortunate to get a 2nd chance at purchasing tickets due to TM trying to save face. This time around TM didn't allow you to choose specific tickets, just the price range you were comfortable with and they would choose the seats for you within a day or so. We successfully got tickets this time. She was so pumped! ​ We have been talking about it for weeks. She spent the previous day getting her outfit decided. We got a babysitter (my brother). I got someone to cover me at work. We drove an hour, got there an hour early, paid $60 for parking, walked 3/4 miles to get to the stadium, waited in lines, got through security, get the tickets out....they don't scan...try to sort out why...discover they're for yesterday....fuuuuuuuuuck! Tried talking to several staff about our predicament (my fuck up) to no avail. Of course, they're completely sold out. Only option would have been to buy $1000/piece tickets off of the secondary market. Message TM, "sorry, your fuck up." So now she won't talk to me (understandably), I'm in the doghouse. No idea how I'm ever getting out. Pray for me. ​ TL;DR': Thought I purchased Taylor Swift concert tickets for tonight but found out when trying to get into the venue they were purchased for yesterday's show. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15ft6me/tifupdate_by_mixing_up_the_dates_my_wife_and_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 1, 2023** After a long, quiet, car ride home and a long night on the couch, I took the time to read everyone’s comments and reflect on my massive mistake. The upset was palpable and I knew there was very little I’d be able to do to make things right. Flowers? Not even close. A bracelet? She’d never want to wear it for risk of being reminded of this horrible night. ​ A lot of youse suggested buying tickets to a future concert, only thing is the last US show is this weekend in LA, and they’re super fucking expensive. After that Taylor is heading international for the next year. This did however make me realize that whatever the cost, I should consider it. Having to live with this for however long she’d decide to keep me around felt like a certain hell. ​ So I started doing the math. Would it make sense to plan a trip to Paris next year and see her perform there? How about a quicker trip to Mexico City? After analysis, most of her tickets were coming out to about the same on the secondary market, $1000/per. This sort of narrowed it down, I should just buy tickets for this weekend in LA. I’d rather have her experience the show earlier than later and leaves less room for other mistakes/interruptions anyways. ​ I called her best friend that lives in LA and let her in on my mistake. She audibly gasped. Asked her if she was free this weekend and would want to escort my wife to the show. She said she’d love to. In exchange, she’ll handle all the heavy lifting in LA (picking the wife up from the airport, driving to the show, bed for the night at her place, etc.). She rightly suggested that I should run it by the wife before just going forward with it. ​ I broached the subject, and broke our silence, with, “So, have your considered divorce yet?” This got a laugh and a reply of, “Not seriously.” I told her the plan and she was ecstatic. However, she was concerned about the expense. I did my best to assuage her concerns and eventually she acquiesced. ​ I headed over to Southwest and Stubhub, TRIPLE-CHECKED the dates, purchased concert tickets for Saturday and plane flights from SF to LA.So that’s the plan. My mom is babysitting on Saturday, the wife flies down on Saturday morning, friend picks her up, they see the best show of their lives, and she flies back on Sunday. ​ What started as just a horrible horrible experience, can hopefully turn into a funny story and a once-in-a-lifetime adventure for her and her friend. The mood in the house changed instantly, she’s already let me off the hook for the attempt alone. ​ We love each other very much and this wouldn’t have affected us in the long run, but I certainly did not want this held over my head by her or family members. I wanted to make it right, even if it’s stinging the pocketbook. ​ Thank you all for the comments and advice, it actually did help a lot. I needed some laughs and encouragement. ​ We’ll see how this weekend goes. I may have another update for you Monday. ​ TLDR; bit the bullet and purchased tickets for this weekend’s show in Los Angeles, costing me $3,200. ​ Q&A from previous post: **Why come you didn’t check the dates on the tickets, like 500 times?** I think I have a theory for what happened here. When the pre-sale originally happened through TM we were unable to successfully get tickets, and I was looking for Saturday the 29th, but when TM gave us a 2nd chance at tickets they didn’t let you select the seats, and I guess the date. They just issued tickets for you in your approved price range. Obviously now, they issued them for Friday and I just always assumed it was Saturday as that was the date I was attempting to buy them for. I immediately put the show in our shared calendar and never thought about it otherwise. ​ **Didn’t you get the reminder emails, they send loads?** They did, and I’ve since gone back and reread them all. I guess the issue is that I received so many emails from them that I didn’t read any of them closely. About a month prior to the show I added the tickets to my Google Wallet, but the day of the week was nebulous to me at that point, and I was just trusting what was already in my calendar. ​ **Isn’t your wife just as responsible?** No, not really. I handle most all of the planning in our household. I’ve handled weeks long, months long, local and international trips with dozens of hotels, train tickets, restaurant reservations, etc. and never had a serious problem. Logistics is what I do for a living as well. So she trusted me as she always had. The only responsibility she has in it is loving and trusting me. ​ **I can’t believe she’s not talking to you for just a concert!** She wasn’t really not talking to me, but she was understandably upset. It was a lot to process, months of build up, the excitement all week, all the media and posts about how much everyone is loving the show, thinking you’re going to have an awesome night (and a rare date night), and then boom, gone. I get it, completely. She needed some space and to come to terms with the loss. ​ **Can you try to message Taylor Swift for help?** Yeah, would love a little help here. Anyone got a connect? * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by mixing up the dates my wife and I had tickets to Taylor Swift's Eras tour

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15l73nk/tifu_by_mixing_up_the_dates_my_wife_and_i_had/

15l74m8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRArumourmill **I [F18] seem to only attract guys [M18] who are only interested in my ‘reputation'** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Public humiliation, harassment, sexual coercion and defaming rumors!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15bx4dl/i_f18_seem_to_only_attract_guys_m18_who_are_only/) **July 28, 2023** I’ve never been the popular girl that all the guys came after, but in the last couple of months I’ve been receiving a lot more attention. I put it down to losing a bit of weight and have a better understanding of makeup and dress sense. But after an awful date last night with a very cute guy who turned into a POS when I wouldn’t give him head, revealed the true reason why I’ve received the sudden influx in male attention. Apparently someone started a rumour that I give head on first dates and put out very easily. I don’t know who started this rumour or why but it’s really affecting my self-esteem, all these guys only after one thing and never really had any interest in me as a person. I’m not sure what to do or how to move forward, no more dates for me I guess. I can’t wait until I can move away from this small town bullshit! What should I do? Is this situation salvageable or how can I combat these rumours? Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated thanks. TL;DR: Guys only ask me on dates because they think I’ll suck their dicks [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15f9q6z/update_i_f18_seem_to_only_attract_guys_m18_who/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 1, 2023** Update! Thanks for all the kind messages and advice. I took on board what most of you said, every guy that’s slid into my DMs has been told up front that the rumours are false and to move along if that’s why they are messaging me. Most ghosted me after that so it’s worked to weed out the bad apples. My friend through her BF helped uncover the source of the rumours, apparently most of the guys in town are apart of this secret group chat where they share pics and stories of their ‘conquests’. Why her BF is apart of this group is beyond me but at least he had the decency to share screenshots of the conversation about me. So this one guy made up a story about me and lied about hooking up with me and that I was a ‘blowjob queen’ when the other guys start asking questions he doubles down on his lies. This is when other guys start asking me out on dates, and the group asks for updates on how good my blowjobs are. Most of the guys lie too and say I sucked them off after one date so the rumours spread like wild fire and they are all to insecure too admit to the group that I didn’t do anything with them. 6 out of the 5 guys I went in dates with lied about me hooking up with them. I confronted the guy who started the rumour, he was extremely nervous and shy about the whole thing and eventually broke down when I pushed him harder. He cried and kept apologizing but I was too mad to accept his apology, I told him to tell everyone he lied and spread false rumour. I watched him as she shook as he typed up his confession to the group chat, showing me the evidence that he sent it so I left him to his tears. Since then he has been messaging me constantly trying to justify why he did it; had a crush on me for years, wanted to ask me out but was too shy, jealous when the other guys started to notice me when I had my ‘glowup’ even though he had a crush on me before that. Eventually I had to block him. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I [F18] seem to only attract guys [M18] who are only interested in my ‘reputation

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15l74m8/i_f18_seem_to_only_attract_guys_m18_who_are_only/

15lipdk

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/14dvs4n/youre_denying_me_service_yes/) posted by u/kthrnhpbrnnkdbsmnt in r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk on 20 Jun 2023 **"You're Denying me Service?" "Yes."** Howdy howdy. This happened about 10 minutes ago. Our hotel (126 room business hotel in Northern Minnesota) is sold out. A big corporate event (like eighty grand big) took all but 10 rooms, and those ten got reserved. Unfortunately, most of them were reserved by construction workers: for the most part, they're emotional Karens who freak the hell out about everything and like to flap their proverbial dicks at me. And then there's Gary, who is Special--in that he's more of a dickhole than all the others. Gary approached me at the desk. "Checking in." "Just need to see your ID." "No you don't." I let that hang there for a moment, then: "Yeah, I do." "No, you don't. I've been staying here for months. You don't need to see my ID." "Yes, I do." "No you don't. Nobody else checks it." "They're doing their jobs wrong. ID, please." "I'm not showing you my ID." "I'm not giving you the keys to your room otherwise." "So you're gonna deny me service just because I wouldn't show you my freaking ID?" "Yes." Gary huffed and puffed and tried to blow the house down, but I am immune to the rages of middle aged impotents. "Nobody else ever IDs me." "Sir, if Jesus Christ walked through that door and showed me the stigmata, I'd still ask for a government-issued photo ID. And I'd love to see yours, now." Gary relented and pulled out his wallet. Yep, it's Gary! So I pulled up his reservation. "Okay, now I just need you to swipe or insert your card here!" "No you don't and no I won't. Nobody ever makes me do this." "Then they're doing their jobs wrong, and I'm doing mine right." "No, you're not, you're just making stuff up to feel like a big man." "I don't need to feel like a big man. I need you to swipe or insert your card." "Why?" "If you dispute the charge, we have physical authorization showing that you authorized the payment. It helps us out with scammers." "So I'm a scammer?" "No. Swipe or insert your card here please." "I'm not going to! Because nobody else ever makes me do this, and I don't care about helping you guys out." "Well I'm making you do it." "No you aren't. I'm not gonna." "Then you don't get into your room." "Aren't you supposed to satisfy customers? I'm not satisfied. Call your manager." "I won't be doing that." "I'm not giving you my card." "Then I'm not giving you your room. Have a good night." I turn to walk away--lo and behold! The card appears in his hand! He inserts the chip! Payment goes through! I get him his keys and hand them to him with a smile. "Have a good night." "You're a real dickhead, you know that?" "If you decide to become verbally abusive with me or any other employees I will have the police remove you. Only warning. Have a good night." "You--" I lifted the receiver on the phone and stared at him. Gary rolled his eyes and stalked off, muttering darkly. Coincidentally, his boss came through the lobby not ten minutes later, and he was not happy to hear what I had to say about old Gary. ----------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/150qgiy/update_youre_denying_me_service_yes/) posted by u/kthrnhpbrnnkdbsmnt in r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk on 15 Jul 2023 **UPDATE: "You're Denying Me Service?" "Yes."** Got into work today; just picked up a half shift to help my lovely coworker with a busy day for check-ins. As my supervisor is leaving, he says, "Oh! By the way. We don't take the [Construction Company] rate anymore and their employees are all banned from property. Gary? Your bestie? Got into 3 fights with three separate employees yesterday and the management decided to end their contract for the discount and kick them all out." So yeah. Not 100% on what happened there so I'll have to update this post when I get more info, but holy shit. UPDATE TO THE UPDATE Gary began his day by demanding our brand-new auditors give him a zero-balance receipt without checking him out, before they'd done audit. They didn't know how to do that and he blew up at them. That morning, the brand new shiny GM had a meeting with the Sales team to talk about upping the rate for [Construction Company], given their employees record of being a pain, plus how creepy they are to the one young girl at the front desk (they've asked when she works, commented that they know her car, asked if she's working at certain times). Sales called the point of contact and informed him that their rate would be doubling, and that they were on thin ice. One more incident from any employee and the contract was void and they lost the discount and were banned from staying there. Twenty minutes later, Gary came downstairs and unloaded on my coworker. New GM gave the whole company a half hour to vacate the premises and voided the contract. **I AM NOT THE OP**

Hotel guest fucks around and finds out

CONCLUDED

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15lipdk/hotel_guest_fucks_around_and_finds_out/

15ljqib

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/TheDodoMenace **in** r/tifu . *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* content warnings: >!Sexual discussions, Online sexual harrassments, Privacy invasion!< mood spoilers: >!funny!< --- &nbsp; ###[**TIFU by shaving my butt and joining my friend group's best butt competition while being a guy**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/gt2p0p/tifu_by_shaving_my_butt_and_joining_my_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, May 29, 2020* So first of all, I'm an 19 year old guy and everyone involved in the butt competition was between the ages of 18 and 20. Alt-account as I don't want my friends to know my actual reddit account. So it al started around a week ago when some girls in my friend group came together and started drinking. They started boasting about their butt and next thing you know they wanted to do a best butt competition. I wasn't there so I don't know details but we were sent a message in a group chat. Rules were simple, if you wanted to join you just had to send a pic of your butt to this certain girl who would present them anonymously to 8 guys and they would all vote for the picture of the best butt. Well, I thought it would be funny to join, but I knew that they wouldn't take it seriously because my ass is naturally extremely hairy. So I did the most logical thing at the time. I shaved it. I took the shaving equipment I normally use for my face, switched the knifes and went ham. Well this is were the first problem came in. The stupid person I am didn't lock the door. My mom walked in on me shaving my ass. She just awkwardly wiggled away and I turned extremely red. She didn't say anything, so I thought she would just ignore it. Well she didn't. She started googling. That evening, she asked me to come to the dinner table to talk. My father ran away so I knew it would be bad, but I didn't expect it to be that bad. She wanted to talk about intercourse safety in a homosexual relationship. Keep in mind, I'm not actually gay. She was extremely well prepared. Highlights of that evening were practicing with a condom and a cucumber, the dangers of gay sex without lube, and a brief summary of objects I should definitely not put in my butt (such as lamps and beer bottles). She would not listen to any of my denying and would just say: "its okay, Your dad and I still love you". I thought the worst was over so I sent a picture of my shaven butt to the girl that was collecting them and 2 days later the 9 pictures of all the contestants were sent, all without any distinguishable features, to the 8 boys. So one thing you should know is that I do have quite a good butt. I got pretty good genes in that aspect and I've been skating since I was 14. I now skate around 60km a week and skating is an incredible way to get a firm round butt of decent size. You can probably see where this is going. I won with a total of 5 out of 8 votes. 1 picture got 2 votes and 1 got 1 vote. The fallout from this was not that big. Some of the more prideful girls wanted to start some drama, but they didn't want to admit their butt lost to a boy, I didn't talk a lot with them anyway and Covid makes drama a little more difficult, so that was simply ignored by most of us. Our mix-gendered trip to a lake when lockdown would end did turn a guys only trip as some of the girls suddenly didn't really feel like going and the rest didn't want to go to a lake with a such a one-sided girl/boy-ratio. I do want to say that most of the girls did think it was hilarious on some sort of level and the one that didn't are famous in our group for being extremely prideful. It is, however, extremely awkward to talk with most of them as they now look at my ass quite frequently. It doesn't stop with this by the way. I was gaming with my friends today and we started talking about the butt competition. We kept it anonymous which butt was from what person and the people that voted didn't know who won yet and I did not know who the guys that voted were. Well, the guy I was gaming with happened to be one of the people voting. He said he couldn't chose between two and so he started masturbating and voted for the one he came on. I said something along the lines of 'that's gross AF'. He than said something like 'You would understand if you saw the butt and than proceeded to send the picture he voted for via snapchat. It was mine. I didn't tell him, but I now have to live with the knowledge that a good friend of mine came on a picture of my shaven ass. &nbsp; _All Edits & Updates were added to original post_ ####**EDIT** Alright, this became a lot mor popular than I thought it would be. I'm happy my awkward life is amusing random strangers on the internet. ####**First a little update:** The guy has probably seen this post and recognized it as he just sent me a text which states 'sorry'. Nothing more. He won't answer any texts, from me or my friends. I'll try again tomorrow. Yes, my mom is a great person. She was raised in an extremely strict catholic household. She stayed a catholic (going to church twice a week) but never wanted her kids to feel forced to be anything their not. One thing some people seem to misunderstand is that my butt is extremely incredible to win against cheerleaders, actresses and models. My friendgroup exists out of the d&d players, the art kids, and the alternative crowd. Even though we have some incredibly beautiful people here, we were never the jaw-dropping popular crowd. Which is okay, as we always had fun. I AM NOT A DUDE WITH A BRAZILIAN WOMAN'S ASS. Also thanks for the medals and the tips for caring after my shaven ass. I didn't think about aftercare until you guys said anything. Also, I'm not posting pictures of my ass so that thousands of strangers can see it. Sorry, but I'm just not risking it. ####**EDIT 2:** Fine, you guys win. You know how many requests I've gotten for butts? Way too many. Absolutely abnormal. I don't want my bare ass to end up on the internet so I'll make one wearing something were you can see the shape of it tomorrow. God damn perverts. For now I'll go to sleep. ###**EDIT 3:** So first the updates. My friend said he is actually straight. He still a little quieter than usual, but he can see the joke. Hope it thought him not to masturbate to random people. My mom loves you guys. I told her the whole story (minus the part about my friend cumming). She thought it was funny and said that she believed me to be bisexual for a long time and thought that me shaving was me getting ready for butt stuff. She wanted to have that talk for quite sometime. Some people don't understand how the competition was played. The girl I send my picture to was not a contestant but more of a referee. She sent it to 8 guys that were not a part of the friend group and told them that these were of a few of her friends and they should pick out their favourite. Later she send the results. It was a complete coincidence that my friend was a voter. The TIFU continued by the way. My ass is itching. Like a lot. Dammit. ####**Lastly:** You know what, I'm not going to send the pictures. Some of you guys are absolute beasts. WTF. In the time that I was sleeping I got multiple messages from an old man between the age of 50 and 70 talking about what they would do to my ass. I do not want them or any of the other disgusting people to have pictures of my butt. Add to that some people that have been spamming me for complete nudes. Just because you are anonymous does not mean you can be a disgusting pest. If it was for the laughs it would be okay, but some of you actually scare me. 1 guy even found my main account. How? I feel truly sorry for the girls on this platform as I completely understand why anyone would delete their account. Sorry, to all the people that were just curious or thought it was funny, but I'm just not comfortable with it anymore. I hope you understand. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I shaved my butt and joined my friend group's best butt competition while being a guy

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ljqib/i_shaved_my_butt_and_joined_my_friend_groups_best/

15ljvlz

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/No_Guard_5122 **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!suicidal thoughts, threats of suicide!< mood spoilers: >!sad overall, potentially messy breakup may ensue!<   [**My girlfriend (24F) blames me (22M) for not stopping her going home with another guy. I want to break up. What do I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1571qqd/my_girlfriend_24f_blames_me_22m_for_not_stopping/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 22nd July 2023** Me (22M), my girlfriend (24F) of 4 years and some friends went nightclubbing a couple of days ago. It wasn't a heavy night, but she did get quite drunk. About half way through the night, she came up to me outside (after disappearing off for a while) holding hands with an older man and stated she was going to the toilet with him. They both came back about 5 minutes later, but she ignored all my attempts to get her to come with me. They both had their phones out like they were exchanging numbers and she just completely refused to come home with me. When I finally got her attention, I told her to go away and I went home alone. I checked her location when I got home and saw she was at someone else's house in a totally different part of town, nowhere that she or I know anyone. I found out the following day that it was the same guy's house, but she said she left immediately and that nothing happened between them, whilst also saying she doesn't remember most of the night. She profusely apologised at first and was crying on the phone to me about the fact that she can't lose me, but we met for coffee the next day and she said that I should have forced her to come with me, and that I'm to blame for "compromising our relationship" by letting it happen. I now feel like I've done wrong and I should have stopped her. **EDIT:** *She also threatened to hang herself. Is this something I should tell her parents about or is that not my place?* &#x200B; **Top Comment with replies from OOP** &#x200B; *She isn’t toxic one bit.* *Have some dignity and get out of this situation* >Just checking, this is sarcasm? *If I was there with you I’d shake your shoulders and tell you to wake up* >Point taken.   [**UPDATE: My girlfriend (24F) blamed me (22M) for not stopping her going home with another guy. What do I do**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1588j24/update_my_girlfriend_24f_blamed_me_22m_for_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**- 24th July 2023** I went to speak to her yesterday, she has said she is willing to change and get therapy and fight for our relationship. I said the line must be drawn somewhere, and broke it off. I have spoken to her mum today and told her about the suicide threats she made, which she was horrified to hear. Both her and my girlfriend are adamant that she was not unfaithful to me, and part of me does believe that however I also never believed that she would come up to me holding another man's hand. Either way, it sounded like her and her mum blame me for breaking it off but I felt like I had no other choice. I did not want to, but I felt like I had to for my own sake. There is the argument that no matter what I should have stopped her from going home with that man, because who knows what could've happened, but I also know I tried my best in the situation to get her to come home and I was of the opinion that she had decided to cheat on me and I wasn't going to stop that. I haven't always been the perfect boyfriend and perhaps I haven't been there for her at times when she did need me, but I know I have never and would never do what she did. I think I need to give myself permission to say enough is enough. No matter how much you love someone, if it's sacrificing your own mental health as it has been for me recently, then it is time to call it a day. I feel heartbroken and have been filled with guilt and regret. I'll be ok, right?   **Top Comments** &#x200B; * *It's for the best, she definitely cheated. Take away what you can mentally and move on.* * *Like who even cares if she cheated? The way she handled the disagreement was enough for me.* * *Yeah the infidelity is just icing on the cream pie which she most certainly did. Yet somehow OP is to blame here according to her and her flying monkey of a mother? The fuck outta here with that noise; OP you dodged a major bullet here*   [**My ex (24F) cheated on me and now won't let me out of the tenancy**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/15c29x7/my_ex_24f_cheated_on_me_and_now_wont_let_me_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 28th July 2023** A couple of days later, she turned up at my house (despite me telling her not to) telling me she was going to hang herself and that she had taken a load of drugs. My friend overheard all of this and saw that she had driven off, having stated she was on drugs. A wild goose chase ensued with us trying to get her to stop - thankfully she did and we took her home. I felt as if that episode completely took away from the hurt and pain I felt from her going home with that man. I also feel I would have never forgiven myself if I hadn't tried to stop her committing, and I am angry at her for that (rightly or wrongly). She says she didn't mean to drag my friends into the situation, but she genuinely felt suicidal in the moment. I do think she is genuinely remorseful and she has since begun counselling, but ultimately the damage is done. I have since broken up with her, but she is refusing to let me find a replacement tenant for our flat that we only just recently began renting together (UK). What on earth am I supposed to do? &#x200B; **Top Comment** *Contact your agency or landlord* *There’s a nominal fee for changes to the tenancy agreement which can remove you as a tenant* *Estate agents deal with this on a daily basis. It’s easier for them to remove you as a tenant for a fee (often half a months rent) than it is to deal with you just walking away and not paying*   **Flairing as concluded as although the housing situation is not sorted, the relationship is over.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My GF blames me for not making more of an effort to stop her from cheating

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ljvlz/my_gf_blames_me_for_not_making_more_of_an_effort/

15lkq3t

**The original poster is** u/PleaseCleanYourJunk **and posted on** r/AITAH ​ Trigger warning: >!Bad hygiene!< Mood spoiler:>!Good for OOP, a shitty situation!< \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1599zws/wibta_if_i_break_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_of/) \- 25 Jul 2023 ​ I (24f) am too old for this. I am not a clean freak either. I met my boyfriend 6 months ago. He was a little hippy which I didn't mind. So, a little about him. He is a hardcore vegan. He is someone you can call an environmentalist. He thinks a lot about the environment. He only buys clothes from shops that are locally owned. He is big on recycling things. He doesn't use toothpaste but a meswak. He is also anti-shave, though he trims his beard. So ever since I was with him, I always had this hunch that he is not washing properly. We do not live together. So, I am not at his house more often. He always smells like spices so I had no idea his hygiene was so bad until now. I mean I noticed it. He never shaved down there. I always had a funky smell from his junk. He doesn't have cleaning supplies in his house. I asked about it and he said he doesn't use chemicals that will harm the environment. He uses vinegar and lemon to clean stuff. It was odd but I get it. I let it slide though it should have been my first red flag. Now, I have come to the last straw. Last night when I was in his place, I was using the bathroom. After I was done, I didn't see toilet paper. This is one thing I used to be glad that he kept in his house, thought I am someone who prefers a bidet. I asked him to give me some toilet paper because he ran out. He told me he threw away all the toilet rolls because they clog the draining system and go to the ocean which then causes toxicity in fishes plus it wastes money to make toilet papers. I asked him then what does he uses to wipe himself. He told me he has switched to reusable toilet paper a month ago. He just uses these and throws them in the washing machine. I wanted to vomit there. I am thinking about ending things because, I cannot deal with this thing my entire life. Am I wrong? &#x200B; *People asked why is she still with him and how did she manage and she replied:* >In my defense, he was good at giving oral. He was more of a giver and never expected me to give him BJ (I hardly ever did because of the smell). I thought I could handle this. &#x200B; >I always wondered why he smells like lemons, I just realized he probably makes his own deodorant with water and lemon juice. But in my defense, he is really really sweet. He would always feed me with his hands and give me foot massages. Our sex life was amazing. But one of then is worth this shit &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15egn8m/updatewibta_if_i_break_up_with_my_boyfriend/) \- 31 Jul 2023 Hi, I just wanted you guys to know I broke up with Mr.ResuableToiletPaper. I know a lot of have advised me to talk it though. I realized the issue is not just toilet paper. It's everything. I am a bit of uptight person but he is not. We are two different people. Every time I am with him, I always have to eat vegan food in fear that I will offend him. I love meat. Sorry vegans. But that's just my lifestyle. So, I broke it off with him. He was sad. He cried and told me he will never forget me and I was the one and only person who had "spiritual purity" in me. I don't know what that means but it is over. I wish it was over then and there until yesterday when I visited my friend Gaby's house. When she saw me at the door she looked like a deer in headlights. She is also a bit of hippie but nothing like my ex. I noticed there was a strange lemony smell along with weed, I saw my ex was high on her couch. He waved "hi" to me. My friend told me she found him being sad in our usual hangout spot, he was singing a sad song. They are sleeping together. Furthermore, they are sleeping because he needs "healing". Apparently, he was very emotional and depressed that he slept with my friend to cleanse my memories. I am done. I am not mad but I do not trust Gaby anymore. She and Mr.ReusableToiletPaper can live happily every after with their stinky unvaccinated babies for all I care. But I am questioning my friendship with Gaby now. I am fine, I feel like I dodge a bullet. I can go back to eating steaks and chicken without worrying. &#x200B; ***I am not OP. I wish her next boyfriend at least washes his ass properly.***

WIBTA if I break up with my boyfriend because of his hygiene?

CONCLUDED

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15lkq3t/wibta_if_i_break_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_of/

15ll8ba

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/LadyWyvern **in** r/relationship_advice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!serious illness, impending death!< mood spoilers: >!emotional resilience, grief, bittersweet farewell!!< --- &nbsp; ###[**My (21F) little sister (12F) was just given 1-3 weeks to live. What can I do to make her enjoy her last days?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c5idc1/my_21_little_sister_12_was_just_given_13_weeks_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, Jun 26, 2019* My sister was diagnosed about 2 1/2 years ago with T-Cell Leukemia. She struggled through it, with the chemo, radiation and infections, and lately we thought she was about to overcome it. But a few months ago it started spreading again and now the doctors are telling us we need to bring her home. There’s nothing else we can do and I’ve never felt pain like this before. I know I need to be strong for her, but I just wanted to know what I can do to make her happy before she passes? Any ideas are appreciated. &nbsp; ####**Relevant discussion in comments** >**bat_girl456:** > >*I am so sorry to hear this, and about the pain you are feeling and the grief.* > >*You already know the outcome. Right now, you need to find something to make the rest of her time meaningful.* > >*Do whatever would make her happy in the time she has left. Make memories that you can hold on to.* > >*What does she enjoy doing? What can you do as a family, given her condition, that could be fun or meaningful to her?* > >*Try to soak up the time and enjoy it instead of grieving.* > >*There will be a time for that. But for now, enjoy her as much as possible.* > >>**OOP:** >> >>*She loves playing board games and loves to read. I think I’m going to go to Target and pick up some games we haven’t played (and some we have) and just have games nights every night and get her a book and read it to her. She used to love that.* >> >>>**ketita:** >>> >>>*What types of board games does she like? I might be able to give some recommendations. Getting people together in the evenings to play with her sounds like a really nice way to spend time together.* >>> >>>*Make her feel loved. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.* >>> >>>>**OOP:** >>>> >>>>*Thank you, she LOVES Monopoly, Yahtzee and Uno. She could play those for hours on end.* >>>> >>>>>**babblueyed5:** >>>>> >>>>>*My nephew who is a similar age loves playing ticket to ride with me. I'm in my 30's and enjoy it too. You can get different maps and "travel the world" together.* >>>>> >>>>>*I also implore you to take photos and especially video of all the things you do. You'll want to hear her voice later. Record her telling you she loves you and your parents. Record her laughing at silly things.* >>>>> >>>>> >>>>>**ketita:** >>>>> >>>>>*A classic that a lot of people love is Settlers of Catan. It's easy to learn, has tons of replayability, and can also be expanded for up to 6 players if you get an expansion. I think she might enjoy trying that.* >>>>> >>>>>*A card game which is super cute is Fluxx. It has themed decks for different topics (like zombies, or science fiction) that are customized with cards. It's a humorous game, it has cards that change the rules in the middle and things like that, so it can be lots of fun. All the instructions are written on the cards, so you don't need to remember complicated rules or anything.* >>>>> >>>>>*Another game that's cute and easy to learn is Takenoko, and the style of it is adorable - it's about pandas eating bamboo shoots, and you need to grow your own little bamboo grove.* >>>>> >>>>>*If she likes Monopoly, there's also a Monopoly card game that (in my opinion) is actually more fun than the board game, haha.* >>>>> >>>>>*Oh, if you want a nice cooperative game (as in, the players are all playing on the same "side" against the game), try Forbidden Island.* >>>>> >>>>>*Obviously you don't have to get them all - she may not want the added effort of learning too many new games, but all these are in my experience, pretty fun and friendly, and should hopefully be nice family events. I hope you guys make this time ultimately one of happy memories and joy as much as possible, even if you know it will be far too short.* >>>>> >>>>>>**OOP:** >>>>>> >>>>>>*Thank you so much, i appreciate it and ask her if she'd want to try those out!* &nbsp; ####Edit: Thank you everyone for your kind words and responses, I’ve been trying to read them all and respond to you all. We told her today about her situation: she cried a bit but told us that she was tired and she knew her time was coming. She will be given small doses of morphine to keep the pain away, have a hospice nurse and be able to pass away at home. I plan to make sure she’s up for whatever I think we could do, but unfortunately big trips or doing big things are out of the question. She’s very tired and she seems to want to relax. I also want to say that I am for sure going to be recording audio, videos and taking SO MANY selfies with her before she passes. Some she’ll know about and some she won't. I also plan on asking her to either draw me a tattoo or pick one for me, putting the recording of her saying she loves me and her name too. I’ll let her pick the area, and see what she’d like to do. I have taken a leave of absence at my work and will be with her until her time comes. I will also be talking to my family about counseling and counseling for my little sibling as well (my brother 10). I have read so many kind comments and I appreciate all of the support her, I and my family have received. I’m ignoring any negativity and want to be able to be as strong for her as possible. &nbsp; ###[**Update: My (21) little sister (12) was given 1-3 weeks to live. What can I do to make her enjoy her last days?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/d0tzvs/update_my_21_little_sister_12_was_given_13_weeks/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, Sep 07, 2019* I first want to say thank you to everyone who commented and said wonderful things. I got a lot more responses than I had thought I would, so I apologize for not responding to so many of you. My sister actually survived longer than the doctors anticipated, but she passed away on September 1st. It’s been a very hard couple of days and I’ve been grieving, as has my family. We were able to use a lot of your ideas and play board games, take pictures, laugh and share stories. I was able to hold her hand and kiss her as she went. She was given pain medicine and went peacefully. I wanted to say thank you to one redditor who actually sent us board games to play. She normally felt pretty lethargic, but she did get to play and enjoyed it. We will continue to play these games as a family, and think fondly of when she played with us. My family is now in the process of planning her funeral and laying her to rest. She will always be in our hearts and I know she’s in a better place and not in pain. Thank you again to everyone ❤️ it will always mean so much to me and my family for all the thoughts, prayers and advice I was given. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My (21) little sister (12F) was just given 1-3 weeks to live. What can I do to make her enjoy her last days?

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ll8ba/my_21_little_sister_12f_was_just_given_13_weeks/

15lluk2

I am not the OOP. OOP is u/travissetsfire Posted July 7 2023 in r/DunderMifflin [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/DunderMifflin/comments/14t8y61/when_i_was_12_years_old_im_37_now_i_met_this_gal/) TW: None Mood Spoiler: >!Happy?!< **When I was 12 years old (I'm 37 now) I met this gal at a summer camp that my mom sent me to. After that week ended, I lost contact with her. Last Friday, I found her again and it was an instant connection. Today, I bought her ring.** Photo description: The picture of Jim from the office looking at the camera holding up a ring and saying he bought Pam a ring a week after they started dating. Comments are not mixed. **COMMENTS:** "no offense dude but this is a TERRIBLE idea" "Bro definitely wrote “will you marry me” with gasoline in her driveway" "Summer camp girl after OP proposes: “Can we talk about this in private?”" "My friend Jim would tell you to take it slow" "Dude, please wait. My brother had two “instant connections”, married quickly, became quickly unhappy, and divorced quickly both times. It made his life very difficult. Since you’re 37, it’s possible you want your happy ever after so bad that you jump the gun. Please get to know her longer before you propose. As a married man, marriage is a VERY SERIOUS commitment. Even though I’m happily married, and it was an instant connection, I’ve had instant connections with other girls before that just didn’t work out. Please date AT A MINIMUM 4 months before proposing, and be willing to accept the possibility that she’s not a good match. I know your excited and I don’t want to rain on your parade, but I promise that it’ll be better if you take a little time to really make sure." "Cool story man but this is unequivocally a bad idea. There's literally an episode of The Office where someone makes an absolute fool of themselves doing the exact thing as you're planning on doing" "This thread is 🍿👌" **OP Did NOT Respond** **Update from** r/Proposal July 24th 2023 [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Proposal/comments/158gh5t/found_my_soulmate_from_camp_from_25_years_ago/) "Found my soulmate from camp from 25 years ago" I didn't know it at the time but I found my soulmate at a camp my mom sent me to when I was 12 years old. We lost contact but I found her again over the 4th of July weekend. It was love at first sight. We both felt it. After I got my next paycheck, I bought a ring for her. Yesterday I took her to the camp where it all began. We walked around looking at everything, we went in the dining hall and both froze cuz the smell slapped us both right in the olfactory... It smelled the exact same as it did when we were kids. We had a good laugh about that. Afterwards,I asked a few workers if they could come with us to the beach. I secretly asked one of them if they had their phone on them to take some pictures cuz I was going to propose and after shrieking with enjoyment, she said she would and well... The rest is history. She said yes, then started crying because she said no one has ever done anything so romantic for her. So here's to the rest of our lives and I know it's going to be a great one spending it with her Photo description: OP with a mohawk on a beach kneeling down and holding out a ring with a woman. in a series of additional pictures she leans over and hugs him and then a close up of a ring. **I wish them well, but man OOP worked fast here.**

Man takes a cue from the office and gets a ring days after matching on Tinder

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UsidoreTheLightBlue

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15lluk2/man_takes_a_cue_from_the_office_and_gets_a_ring/

15ltccb

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Majestic-Camel-5566 **in** r/Infidelity *Thanks to* u/Direct-Caterpillar77 *for suggesting this BORU.* trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!some soul searching for OOP!<   [**My wife (34f) cheated, but no sex and confessed. Is there any hope?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/13o12fl/my_wife_34f_cheated_but_no_sex_and_confessed_is/) **- 21st May 2023** **Post Flair: Struggling** A couple nights ago, my wife of two years (together six) went to a metal show with a friend who was providing a professional service to the band, so she got to hang backstage before hand for a couple hours. I didn’t think much of this, she has done this before. It’s a buddy system type thing so her friend isn’t alone with men she doesn’t know, and my wife gets to see and meet bands she’s into. She texted me throughout like usual. She seemed off when she got home that night but just said she was extremely tired and it was super late so I didn’t think much of it. The next morning she confesses to me in tears that she ended up alone with one of the band guys for maybe half an hour and they ended up talking, then flirting, then more. The extent of what happened is she sat in his lap, they made out, and she felt up the outline of his dick through his pants. He asked for more and asked her to meet him after the show, she claims she said no to both. She says I can contact her friend to fact check that they left together immediately after the show but I haven’t contacted her yet. She can’t exactly give me a reason why this happened, she’s a fan and was flattered by the attention and was just caught up in the moment and it was a mistake etc. I mostly believe her that’s all that happened but I’m having trouble imagining that I can get past this. I feel sick and like I’m in shock. I don’t feel angry right now and i can tell my wife is hurting and guilty. I want to try and give this a chance at least but I have no idea where to start. Has anyone had success with something like this? Or should I trust my gut reaction that I’ll never feel the same about her? I think this post was deleted from another sub but I’m desperate to connect with someone over this. I’m too ashamed to talk to my friends about it. ***TL;DR: My wife cheated, confessed right away and wants to work through things but I have no idea if I should try or how to even start that process.***   **Top Comment** *I toured with rock and roll bands for many years. I have dropped women off at home the next morning and have them ask me what they are going to tell their bf/husband. You aren't getting the full story, and you probably never will. Her friend will never tell the truth either.*   [**Update: Wife cheated at concert**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/13ow2rm/update_wife_cheated_at_concert/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **- 23rd May 2023 (1 day later)** **Post Flair: Struggling** Im sorry if it’s too soon for an update but I got a lot more info so figured I should share for for people that read my first post. Thanks all for advice and just reading my story. If nothing else, I feel less alone in this. I figured she would just lie, but I decided to reach out to my wife’s friend anyway. She asked if she could call me and that I should take it somewhere private so I went out to my car. Here’s how she told me things went down, I put all this in order as the convo was very jumbled: Prior to the show, my wife made some comments to the friend that band guy was attractive and asked her friend if she thought she had a chance, ‘hypothetically.’ Friend said she thought it was odd but figured she was being light/jokey. Band guy (who is 55 btw) and my wife were flirting heavily and openly in front of the friend the whole time backstage. To the point where the friend texted my wife asking her wtf her problem was. Friend left them alone not even close to a half hour, maybe 10-15 minutes while she went to her car to put her supplies back and came back to find them as my wife described, sitting in his lap and making out. Prior to leaving them alone, she had asked my wife to go with her her and my wife repeatedly refused. They broke it upon friend coming back. Band guy thanked friend for her services but called her a cock block. He asked if they wanted to ‘party’ after the show to which the friend said no and my wife said yes. Friend practically dragged my wife back to her car after the show, and only then did my wife begin to panic about friend possibly telling me. Friend told her she wasn’t sure what she would do. But her friend is pissed at my wife and told me she’s decided to cut her off. She feels she made her look unprofessional and like a groupie herself, and she’s very mad she had to walk to her car alone at night because of her. And she’s disappointed in her for cheating like that. So there you have it. It’s likely my wife didn’t do anything more than what she said, but she definitely would have. She lied about it and tried to get ahead of the truth. Yeah, I’m done I’m pretty sure.   **Top Comment**  *Sorry to hear it man. There’s no reason to stay with her after this. She didn’t confess because she felt guilty, she confessed because her friend caught her. It wasn’t a drunk mistake, it was premeditated.* OOP Replies in the post about the friend and his wife >She even apologized for not seeing the signs sooner and stopping things before it came to this. I meant to mention that. > >I haven’t even told her I know yet. I have barely spoken to her, she is sleeping in the guest room and has been told I need space for now. > >Also it’s so petty but it makes me feel slightly better than she didn’t get laid at least. Like she’s going to lose her marriage and hopefully home and she didn’t get to fuck the other guy. That’s something i guess &#x200B; [**Update: Divorcing wife that cheated at concert.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/146fett/update_divorcing_wife_that_cheated_at_concert/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **- 10th June 2023** **Post Flair: Coping** I am going to try and keep this brief, i know I said I was done but I just wanted to update since a number of people have asked. I appreciate again all your kind words and support. I asked my wife to give me a few days to think things over alone, she went to stay with a friend. She would blow my phone up every other day or so, alternating between being apologetic and angry with me. She told her family I kicked her out, I eventually told them why but I don’t think they believe me. I did decide to divorce her. I have a lawyer and getting ready to start the process. I’m not sure how that’s going to shake out for me yet, but I don’t feel I have another option. Whatever happens, I’m just glad we don’t have kids together. I informed her and she hit the roof. We went through every stage. Her crying and apologizing and making promises to getting angry and trying to make me sound crazy and downplaying what happened. She said some awful things, how no one else would love me and what a failure I am for giving up on two marriages (yes, this is my second marriage). Eventually I just hung up and haven’t taken her calls since. She had a case to stay in the house of course but she is opting to move in with family. I left for the day while she packed her things to avoid her. I don’t think she even has a lawyer yet so things are sluggish and even texting her is terrible so I think I’m going to go no contact and just have my lawyer communicate for me. This part is petty but it’s the only thing making me feel a little better right now. I met with her friend (the one who informed me) and her wife for a beer. She’s still friends with my wife’s other friends and let me in on some gossip. Wife has tried hitting up the musician on Instagram and has gotten nothing back. She’s deluded that they had a ‘connection.’ It’s almost sad. Her friends all think she’s crazy and fucked up hugely by doing all this. They make fun of her behind her back, it’s kind of brutal. So her telling me how sorry she is and still trying to get with this other guy is sick but I know made the right decision. I’m not going to lie I’m in a really bad place. I just don’t know how I could be so wrong about someone. I know all the advice about working on myself but right now im just getting through the days.   **Top Comment** *Dude, I'm sorry that you're going through this. I remember reading your story. You are doing what you need to do to protect yourself. You didn't give up on a second marriage, she gave up on it when she cheated. Hang in there and know that you've got people pulling for you.* OOP Replies to comments >Thank you. My first marriage wasn’t bad. We just got together super young, had kids super young, drifted apart. She’s a good person. Now I wish I had fought harder for that marriage to be honest. > >Hanging in there, thanks. Nothing much has changed &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as the outcome is going to be a divorce and there hasn't been any subsequent updates**   **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Please do not harass the OOP.**

OOP wonders if there is any hope after wife cheats, but no sex and confessed straightaway.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ltccb/oop_wonders_if_there_is_any_hope_after_wife/

15lub1q

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Huge-Loss-9863 **in** r/TwoHotTakes trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!wholesome for once!< *Note minor edits for spelling*   [**My daughter chose her stepdad to walk her down the isle**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15dxz5v/my_daughter_chose_her_stepdad_to_walk_her_down/) **- 30th July 2023** I 46M have 1 daughter 26F whose mom ran off when she was 7 and came back when she was 15 claiming she wanted a relationship. She gave it a chance and apparently got really close to her new stepdad apparently he is a really cool guy and likes similar things to her like hockey and also plays guitar like my daughter. I initially thought that it was great she was bonding with her stepdad and her mom. She is getting married to her fiancé 30M who she has been dating for 4 years. I pitched in for the wedding as did her mom upwards of 25,000 dollars. The day fast approaching and she told me she has chosen her stepdad to walk her down the aisle as they have really bonded over the past 11 years. I didn’t say anything at the time but I have already decided that I will not be going as I won’t be direspected like this. If she wants to be a happy family with her mom who abandoned her for 8 years go for it but count me out. It wasnt either of them who went to all her hockey games It wasn’t them who payed for her tutoring for exams It wasn’t them who went through the financial hardship of working 3 jobs until she was 17 to support both of us And it wasn’t them who was here when she got her milestones it was me I won’t be telling her I’m not coming I just won’t show   **Top Comments** *I can only assume it's because step dad got to be the fun dad. He didn't have any real responsibility. She'll figure it out when she really needs help, and mom and step dad have that confused look on their faces.* *At 26, she should be old enough to not just be picking the "fun" Dad.* **Top down voted comment** *Why can’t BOTH Dad’s walk her down the aisle? Who says things have to be traditional!* **OOP replies** >I ain’t walking with that man I’ve literelly never spoken to him and she said she wants him never did she say she wants both of us **OOP replies to a deleted comment** >It was good mostly we were out at Tim hortons 2 weeks ago we had an argument last month literelly over me saying i though peoneys would go better with the wedding then the lillies but she just says she has more in common with her stepdad and I do plan to tslk to her and if she still decided she doesn’t want me to count me out the wedding if she changes her mind then I will go I have no problem with him or his wife being there it was just a gut punch Another user replies to this >I have more in common with rocks then my dad. He still walked me down the aisle. &#x200B; [**My daughter chose her stepdad to walk her down the isle**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15fovfj/my_daughter_chose_her_stepdad_to_walk_her_down/) **- 1st August 2023** So I took your guys advice and I spoke with my daughter and decided before that even if she didn’t change her mind I wouldn’t miss her wedding or cut her off I spoke to her and let her know that what she is choosing to do hurt me and that if she still wants her stepdad to walk her down the isle that is her choice but I won’t support her but will be there to support her She said she still wants me there but that her mum has apparently said she wants stepdad to walk her down the isle as a way of accepting him into the family She said if she refuses she won’t be coming and neither will stepdad and she will never speak to them again. I asked if she is really someone she wants in her life setting demands to maintain a relationship and you’ll never guess who I got a furious call from, her mother. She was saying I manipulated my daughter into saying she never wanted to see them Again and uninvited them I will be in 3 months time walking my daughter down the aisle   **Top Comment** *Happy for you, but don't trust that your ex won't try to interfere and manipilate your daughter. Also, your daughter needs to be on the lookout for the manipulations to continue and not fall for it again.* OOP clarifies the **support** statement *I won’t support her decision but will support HER* &#x200B; Flairing as concluded as the original issue of OOP walking his daughter down the aisle is now resolved. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP doesn't want to go to his daughter's wedding when she chooses her stepdad to walk her down the aisle.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15lub1q/oop_doesnt_want_to_go_to_his_daughters_wedding/

15m4c7h

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA-Meet-670 **BF [35m] thinks my writing [28F] is dangerous** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Verbal abuse, controlling behavior!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1232a2l/bf_35m_thinks_my_writing_28f_is_dangerous/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **March 26, 2023** I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but first I have to explain. My BF of two years was the most gentle man I had ever met. I had just left an abusive relationship and he was really understanding. He held me when I'd cry. He took me on lots of lovely dinner dates. We took loving photos together. He was the perfect package (like wtf!! finally) Looking back... I stupidly didn't see the signs. In the very, very beginning he asked me for my financial information because he was "worried" that I was financially irresponsible. I guess over time I tried to prove myself to him and it was never enough. Last week, I shared with him that I signed up for a writing workshop. We were at home and I casually asked him to help with dinner. He completely blew his lid and started screaming at me. Among hurtful things he said I was pissing money away and that my course could be dangerous. I left and we've barely spoken. I need advice. This isn't about writing, I guess? He used to be super supportive and now he's not. (Lately I've been asking more of him - to help with the dog, help with groceries, help with cooking.) Tl;Dr bf angry about writing **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **TheCaribbeanRedditor** >Why would he say that he doesn't have feelings for you? Why would he be in a relationship with you in that case? >What exactly is his issue with the writing workshop? >What would you say is the thought behind of Why you call crying when he doesn't respond? **OOP replied** • I have no idea. I used to become quite upset, now I think he has his own issues. I think I'm starting to see the light. • he doesn't like the workshop because he wants me at home to cook more. that's why the argument started. • hmm. it used to bother me when I couldn't get a hold of him. He had so many rules, such as I had to text and ask permission before calling... I was frustrated. I think I was really lonely. Not so much anymore :) **unseen-streams** >He wants you home to COOK MORE?!? **OOP replied** Yes, but he has more and more rules. • He wants me home to cook when he wants me to, not because I've invited him over. • I can't cook past 730pm. • He does not cook b/c he had a maid growing up. • He sees grocery shopping as beneath him. • He swings wildly between "I need to save money," and "let's splurge". It's actual insanity, now that I've typed it out. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15gbcpg/update_bf_35m_thinks_my_writing_28f_is_dangerous/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 2, 2023** Hi reddit! Five months ago I posted about my boyfriend here: /r/relationship_advice/comments/1232a2l/bf_35m_thinks_my_writing_28f_is_dangerous/ It's pretty hard to return and read some of the comments that I had been making. It was such a dark time and I had normalized all the shitty things that he was doing. To give an update: shortly after I posted about my bf, my dog and I were in a small accident and I was really worried about her. I reached out to my boyfriend who said "we all have to die someday," and that my dog "had lived a good life." (WTF) I think that was a wake up call that I was dealing with someone who did not have any empathy or sympathy. I just couldn't do it anymore. Normally I would have cried, or sobbed, or begged for attention, but I think that was my breaking point. Luckily, I had been strategic about asking for my keys a few weeks prior to that. So I was able to slowly fade away. It was very calm and non-dramatic. He still shows up at my gym and places I frequent, but I've been laying low and spending more time with friends. The GOOD news is that I've joined another writing workshop! And my work has been doing well, as well as my friendships, and I've also lost a little weight. I'm much less stressed and much happier. For someone who continually tore me down, it's hilarious that my ex was let go from his job. He's been unemployed and living with his Mom. My dog and I are doing great. I'm casually seeing someone else (a writer, if you can imagine) and focusing on myself. Thanks again, reddit! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

BF [35m] thinks my writing [28F] is dangerous

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15m4c7h/bf_35m_thinks_my_writing_28f_is_dangerous/

15m4d16

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwra34_69 **My 29f husband 31m threw away all my food because I'm a "cow".** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, withholding food, infant abuse, body shaming!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!hopeful but infuriating!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/153ubbl/my_29f_husband_31m_threw_away_all_my_food_because/) **July 19, 2023** We've been married for 6 years and together for 9 years. Two college kids who fell in love and decided to build a life together. I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (14 weeks old) who's my entire world. I've suffered through 3 miscarriages and experienced several complications during pregnancy. I was on bed rest for 3 months and had to go through over 20 hours of labor before the doctors performed an emergency C-section. But our daughter was born healthy and happy and all that pain was worth it. I had gained about 30 pounds during my pregnancy. I was 5'7 121 pounds prior. After giving birth I gained another 10 pounds since I have been breastfeeding and my body has been craving calorie dense foods. Not junk food. Just 70% minimum cacao chocolate, stuff like plantain chips, meats, dairy, nuts, et cetera. The doctor told me that I should listen to my body's needs and feed myself whatever I feel like I need. My husband has been helpful. He was happy when he learned the gender. Took care of me and accommodated all my needs during my bed rest. Post partum, however, he started to make up excuses to not help with the baby. He hasn't been as affectionate with our daughter as I had hoped he would be. He made a few negative comments about my weight here and there. Like "You're a bit chubby", "Today's a good day to work out and shed some pounds". I was an extremely active woman who worked out 4-5x a week and indulged in dangerous and adventurous activities. But now I'm completely exhausted, I can barely get out of bed, I've collapsed 5 times, and I'm stressed out and at the same time I have to take care of our baby and the household. The other day, my husband had already gone to work and I went to the kitchen and found all my food gone. Every single bag, box, package. Everything. I called him crying to inquire where all my food is and he told me that he threw everything out because I needed to start losing weight. I hung up on him and called my best friend so she could bring me some food that I needed from the store. Afterwards my husband came home and when he saw the food that she had brought, he threw everything outside and smashed everything with his foot. I was furious with him and I was screaming and yelling at him for being a selfish POS and he called me a "f*cking cow" while throwing some of the crushed packages at me and ended with punching a hole in the door. I called my brother who picked me and my baby up and I'm now staying at his place. His mother, sister, and even my own mother are all defending him and that I have to lose weight and apologize to him for my postpartum breakdown. I guess I'm just not sure if this is good grounds to file for divorce or should I listen to my mother? Is this how all men are wired? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15garrd/update_my_29f_husband_31m_threw_away_all_my_food/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 2, 2023** UPDATE: Thank you guys for the comments on my previous post. However, even though I really wanted to follow everyone's advice about weight, eating, and divorcing, my mother still got in my head and because I've always obeyed her I listened and went back to my husband. He did say that he was sorry for calling my "a f*cking cow" but he said he was only being honest and said, and I quote "Isn't honesty the most important foundation of a happy and healthy relationship?". And I thought he was right. So I started cutting back on my food and eating low calorie foods but problems almost immediately arose. My energy levels dropped and my milk supply diminished quickly. I must have collapsed at least 4 during that period and 3 days ago, at night, the baby was crying non-stop and my husband got angry and yelled at me to make her stop. I told him that I wasn't producing enough milk due to lack of food and he literally said "Cows eat grass and produce gallons of milk. What are you, a meat cow?". That's when I decided to take my daughter while I was shushing her and letting her breastfeed whatever drops of milk I had there and once my husband fell asleep, I left the house and came to my best friend who welcomed me in and told me I can stay here as long as I need to. I didn't go to my brother because I didn't trust him anymore since he also told me that I should work things out with my husband. I already filed for divorce and cut off contact with his family and my own mother. My best friend and her fiance have been helping me a lot by taking care of my baby while I was resting and my best friend would bring whatever I needed from the store. My milk supply has returned to normal and I haven't collapsed once. I've probably had more rest for these 3 days than I've had in a month. I am going to attempt to get full custody and supervised visits from the father, but my best friend's fiance said that it might be difficult to do without evidence. And I do have at least some evidence because we of course have cameras outside our house and they recorded everything. It may not be enough but.. fingers crossed. But the reddit advice has helped me a lot and I appreciate all the help. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My 29f husband 31m threw away all my food because I'm a "cow".

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15m4d16/my_29f_husband_31m_threw_away_all_my_food_because/

15mezlg

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/158ayne/i_have_the_most_entitled_co_worker/) posted by u/Here_WolfyWolfyWolfy in r/EntitledPeople on 24 Jul 2023 **I have the most entitled co worker** My co workers are the most entitled people I know. They think anything that i own can be used by them. Food, wet wipes , tissues etc all fall under this category. Our office is set in such a away that we have a long table with no partition. My manager helps herself to my wet wipes or tissues whenever she wants. She knows I keep them because I am allergic to sanitizer and multiple handwashing results in cracked skin for me. Next is my colleague who I recently started working with. She takes away this tiny fan I own without asking and keeps it with her till I ask for it. I usually have a snack horde cause I get hungry. She helps herself to whatever she wants without ever replacing what she too. She also will ask me to order food for her from my food delivery app. She pays for it, but honestly the premium costs very little. Then there is a colleague I call Mr Mooch. I have posted about him before. Check my account for more about him. He feels entitled to my food app too. He has zero shame in asking me for my I'd and password. Not just for my food app but also for my Amazon prime and Netflix. I know for a fact that when he somehow wheedles someone into giving their password he passes it on to multiple people. If you think that's all, wait for it. The internet at my office sucks so I use my own data. I have a good data plan and have plenty of leftover data. Now my coworkers keep begging me for my internet too. How do I put an end to it. My saying no doesn't really seem to work. Edited to add: I have read all the comments and decided to answer them here Do you say no to them using the fan ? Yes I do. But it usually is more of, I need it now. Its just that it seems like such a small thing to say no to. That's why I let them have it. We are always fighting over AC and room temp so sometimes it gets really hot. Do you say no to them taking food? Ok this one is a bit tricky. We all get paid decently. So money is not an issue. My parents taught me never to be stingy with food. Which means if I was given a piece of chocolate I must share. I honestly cannot say no to anyone wanting food. When you come from a country where people die due to hunger and malnutrition, not sharing snacks seems... Such a stingy thing to do. We have our lunch together, often sharing food we brought from home. So, this is one I am willing to let go. Why do I let them use my food app? I am going to put an end to this. Something happened today that pissed me off. Why do I let them use my internet data? I am going to address this in an update cause ..oooooh boy, that is a whole different can of worms. Thanks for the insight and tough talk guys. Will have to set strong boundaries and practice. -------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/15bsqkj/update_i_have_the_most_entitled_coworkers/) posted by u/Here_WolfyWolfyWolfy in r/EntitledPeople on 28 Jul 2023 **Update: I have the most entitled co-workers** So, after reading everything everyone said I was ready to head to the next week to office, all tall and confident but life has a funny way of doing things. Lets meet my co workers Miss rude- She is rude, entitled, bigoted and racist Mr Mooch - As the name suggests, a mooch, tries whine his way into getting OTT password, coupons or any freebies Miss sleepy - Always lazy, a major suck up to the manager, sleeps at work Manager - New to handling a whole team, can appear clueless but trying her best Now I had been at home most of this week sick with flu. It was pretty bad and it is clearing up now. The whole time I was at home I only had contact with my manager to keep her updated about my health. Prior to this week we were told miss rude was being let go. Now Ms rude told us the reason she was being let go was changes in management. But the very next day we learnt that they were looking to fill her position. This week when i came to work turns out it was miss rude's last day. Instead of the 45 days she was supposed to serve, she was being asked to leave early. Obviously we were a bit worried about our job security. So manager had one on one meeting with us. Here is how mine went. First I was told to stop letting anyone use my data. Turns out Ms rude was moonlighting while at work and using my internet to cover her track. Her leaving was not a change in management. More like she got caught doing things she shouldn't and was asked to leave as opposed to being terminated. Her work wasn't good enough and her attitude was another strike against her. Her hate for people (minorities) and her overall performance led to her firing. Second I was told to stop letting others use my food app for the simple reason that when I was sick and at home ms lazy called me up and ASKED ME TO ORDER FOOD FOR HER . My manager was like WTF is wrong with you. Why do you entertain such people. Build your boundaries. Third My manager is now getting extra stuff like tissues cause she can see my supplies are depleted. She also gets home cooked food so we all can share. She says atleast we will eat healthy instead of packed snacks. Last She said my performance was excellent but I need to build my boundaries and hold them. Rest is good. I am feeling really bad at the moment, the way Ms rude used me and how she pretended to be a friendly co worker. But I guess now I know better. **I AM NOT THE OP**

OOP has entitled co-workers (and a self-confidence problem)

CONCLUDED

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mezlg/oop_has_entitled_coworkers_and_a_selfconfidence/

15mhkhe

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Fast_Flatworm_2188 **in** r/offmychest trigger warnings: >!Sexual Assault, revenge porn!< mood spoilers: >!status quo remains!<   [**I met my boyfriend's ex and I want them back together**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ynmugv/i_met_my_boyfriends_ex_and_i_want_them_back/) \- November 6, 2022 I met my boyfriend's ex and I want them back together This is a throw away account because I have workmates on reddit, too. Please bear with me as English is not my first language. Warning: Long read ahead. I (27f) met my boyfriend's (35m) ex wife (29f) and I want them to get back together. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now. Let's call him Danny and he never talk or nearly touch the topic about his ex wife, Mer, to me. The only thing I know about them is that they have a 5 year old son whom he visits or bring to his home every weekend. His son graduated daycare recently and Mer invited him for a dinner as it is the request of their child. Danny asked me to come, although I hesitated at first, he insists on bringing me. Saturday came and we went to Mer's house for dinner. I expected her to be a B to me but she welcomed us warmly. She's casual and very polite and even introduced me to their child. Her house is very welcoming, clean, and smells fragrant. It's home. I asked her if I could do something to help her prepare the dinner while their child and Danny are playing. She told me she can manage and told me to go ahead and bond with the boys. We had dinner and she and Danny were very casual. Not too friendly, but not too salty. They're not distant either. Mer didn't talk something that will make uncomfortable, but rather ask questions about me and anything you could talk about during first meet. I know she's a good mother as their son (Ian) is very polite, giggly, and behaved. I noticed how both of them will answer every question Ian ask even if it's a silly question. I also noticed how Danny looked at Mer. There's sadness and love. I know it as he never look at me that way. When we're about to go home, Mer packed me some foods when I mentioned I live alone and always eat takeaways. This really touched my heart. I've been keeping it inside me, but I could no longer keep it and asked Danny how things ended when he had such a beautiful wife and a playful and well-mannered son. Danny pulled over and I thought he'd want me out of the car, but he started to tell me that he cheated on her while she's out of the country burying her dead mother. The girl she slept with happened to be a mutual friend and secretly filmed them having s\*x and send it to Mer. When Mer went home, she calmly told Danny she knew it and slept in Ian's room. He didn't hear a word from her, a single cuss, or anything hurtful. She just flatly said, "Serve the divorce papers and I'll sign it. Just make sure I have sole custody and you have visitation days." Danny told me how he tried to stop her, but she didn't say a single word and completely shut him out. A night before he leave the house, he heard Mer crying and wanted to comfort her, but afraid he'd make things worse for her. Danny hated himself that he never had the chance to comfort her while she grieved for her mom, and instead cheated on her. He said Mer is too good to be true, but that who she really is. Always available for her family and friends and even to his family and friends. He'd cook for his friends while they watch football and have beer together. Visits his mom and dad, and bake cookies for them. Babysits his nephews and she never once complain about taking care of Ian. She never nags at Danny and very patient about everything. This is the first time I saw him cry. He's a big man and he's sobbing uncontrollably. He's apologizing to me and told me he likes me and didn't use me to move on. This whole revelation didn't make me think that I am being used. I felt his pain and I felt his love for his family. I asked him why he cheated and he said he's drunk snd didn't even know it happened. After that night, he's still the same, but I am not. I felt like i am in the way. Mer is still single, she mentioned that she wanted to.focus on raising Ian and pursuing her law studies. I love Danny, but I cannot compete with Mer. Should I break up with him and help him get back together with Mer?   [**I met my boyfriend's ex and I want them back together UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yrn2w1/i_met_my_boyfriends_ex_and_i_want_them_back/) \- November 10, 2022 I read all the comments and messages of you guys and appreciate all the good words and advice and apologize if this raise a debate for some people. I only shared the information I know during that time and decided to meet with Mer and ask her side of story. I also told her beforehand what the meeting is all about so not to shock her and make her uncomfortable on the spot. She agreed to it and we met at her house. Danny knows nothing about it. I told her why I am curious about it and what Danny told me. Everything. Mer looked sad, but she told me as much as she wants a complete family for Ian, she could no longer see herself being with Danny. That the best they can do for Ian is the parenting set up they have now which is working for all of them. She said that at that time her mom died, Danny wanted to come, but he needed a visa and it would take time and the funeral was all scheduled and the processing of Danny's visa would delay her from seeing her mom one last time. She then told me before she went home, she confronted the woman first and she told her that they were both drunk and she didn't know she was filming, but it's kinda odd since the camera was positioned in a way that everything could be seen and steady. She didn't press her further, but she did hit her and I won't go into details of the altercation. Danny did try to win her back and explained it to her over and over again, but all she could think of was the sight of him in bed, all naked with another woman while she's grieving and forcing herself to be sane for Ian. She showed me the video and it only lasted for 37 seconds. Their friend was on top of Danny moving and you can hear moans and rumbling. It never occured to her that he was SA'd since first, he never mentioned his friends would come over while she's out of the country, and second Danny didn't even pointed it out to her all he said was he was drunk and didn't even know it happened until Mer showed him the video. If and ever, Danny was SA'd, and he really felt like he was, Mer is willing to help him in anyway she can, but the situation between their family will stay as is. She just lately found out that Danny cut out all of his friends completely when their divorce was finalized, but she didn't ask why and also tried not to engage with them as much as possible. Now we both think that it has something to do with what happened that night and there is more to it than what Danny have told us. She said she's moved on and maybe Danny, too and they just wanted to be there completely for Ian while he's growing up and there's no sense for them to go back to that time and try to change the outcome of their decisions when everything turned out fine. She told me that Danny introducing me to her and Ian just means he loves me and is really moving forward and doesn't mean something else. She said that their relationship was far from perfect, but they managed to get far as bringing Ian into this world because they worked things out the best they could. They sure had problems financially, emotionally or as petty as Danny not putting his socks in laundry baskets or her not getting ready on time, but Danny cheating was something she didn't see coming. She didn't know how to react or confront the situation aside from ending it right there and then. She asked me if she can talk to Danny in private because Danny might still be thinking that she hates him and still living with the guilt of hurting her in a worst way possible. Maybe all they need is a good closure. Complete forgiveness. She assured me that Danny is a good man, and what happened to their relationship should not define Danny for who he is and it was a phase in their lives that should be left in the past where it really belongs. She said that it was her own choice to stay single to focus on raising Ian and doesn't mean she's still stucked with her feelings for Danny like what most people perceive it. I asked her if it's a good idea to suggest therapy to Danny, and told me she'll give anything she can do to help if Danny agrees to it, and also told me not to force the idea if Danny said no the first time I ask. We both concluded that Danny is bottling something inside him that none of us knew. Regarding their mutual friend, she jokingly said that "B got away with 'murder'" referring to what she did to them. She said that the last news she had of her was the mutual friend was no longer in town and she couldn't care less about her whereabouts. It was wrong of me to think that they should be back together not considering Mer's pain and things she needed to do to heal. I apologized to her for making her relive this painful memory of her but she told me that it's a small price to pay if it means someone else's peace of mind. You might be weirded out by my decision to stay with Danny, but Mer is right, what happened to them were painful, but there's nothing I or them can do about it now and Danny is working on himself. I never once doubted his sincerity with me. If all else fails, then jokes on me. But I love the guy enough to give our relationship a try. I will try to talk to him and help him heal, too. I agree that I should not compare myself with her. She is indeed an amazing woman we all aspire to be and deserves the best life has to offer for her and Ian. P.s. to the people who said that Mer could have set this all up, she said why would she ruin her son's chance to have a complete family for an easy way out. Thank you to this community. Really appreciate all of you.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I met my boyfriend's ex and I want them back together

CONCLUDED

College_Prestige

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mhkhe/i_met_my_boyfriends_ex_and_i_want_them_back/

15mi34z

**I am not the original poster. The original post by** u/Slow_Dig29 **in** r/AITAH. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!Tense interpersonal disagreement and breakup!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITAH for mentioning at a restaurant that I think parents should take screaming babies to the restroom or outside until they calm down?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15g8xc2/aitah_for_mentioning_at_a_restaurant_that_i_think/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, Aug 02, 2023* I've (38M) been seeing this woman (35F) for a few months. She has 3 kids (8,10,15) and I have none, by choice, but I would love to be stepdad one day. I am the oldest of 4 boys and my youngest brother is 18 years younger than me. I've been around kids since I was 6 years old. My brothers have a combined 6 kids now. (this comes into play later) We have been doing great for the duration of our relationship. No arguments or anything. We have been doing "family activities" together, everything has been great. So we are at dinner Friday night, and there is a table of 8 adults and one baby. The baby (1.5-2 years old) is just relentlessly screaming bloody murder for like 15 minutes straight. All gas, no brakes. The parents are acting like nothing is going on, completely ignoring it. I say to her "This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think one of the parents should take their baby to the restroom or outside until they calm down.. Its kinda inconsiderate of everyone else around them" This sparked something in her soul and she absolutely lost it. Told me "If you really feel that way, that just makes you a horrible human being" and that I was a "male karen" for even thinking that.. She blames the whole issue on me "not having kids and not knowing what its like", etc. "If you knew it could possibly offend me, then why even say it?" and that she now cant trust me because I might say something out of line to her kids or parents. We finished up and I took her home, where we sat in the driveway and talked some more, I explain that I have been around kids my entire life and even though I don't have any of my own, I absolutely know what its like.. I've had to take my youngest brother outside for the same reason multiple times growing up. If I'm at dinner with my family and one of my nieces or nephews start losing it, I am the one that takes them out, so mom and dad can have a break. That I was just expressing my opinion and it wasn't a big deal if she didn't agree, because it would never come into play with her kids ages. She refuses to let it go and stays livid, continues saying mean shit, until I asked her to get out and drove home.. Gutted. AITAH? ***OOP was voted NTA by an overwhelming majority*** &nbsp; ###**UPDATE** *(Added to the original post)* - Yes I did break it off. We had zero communication until Sunday, when I called her and officially ended it. She just said "Seriously?!?" and hung up. LOL - I came here for some validation because she really did start to make me feel like I was an asshole for thinking this way. I just wanted to make sure. - The restaurant was what I would call upscale Mexican. Not your average "Casa Mexicana" but not some fine dining joint either. - She has been a single mom for around 5 years. - To those of you saying "there must be more to the story"- there's not. We've never had a fight, she has introduced me to her kids and they really like me, invites me over for dinner and game nights, everything was going really well. This was a curveball out of the blue. Completely blindsided. - I did play a large role in raising my siblings, as my mom was also a single parent who worked full time. I never claimed that I know exactly what its like to have kids. I said that I played a large part in raising my siblings and am currently very much involved with my nieces/nephews. So I have SOME idea what its like. - How would I react on an airplane? This is hilarious to me. I've been through screaming babies on airplanes probably half a dozen times. Obviously, there's nowhere to go on an airplane. I'm proactive, and bring noise cancelling headphones on every flight. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITAH for mentioning at a restaurant that I think parents should take screaming babies to the restroom or outside until they calm down?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mi34z/aitah_for_mentioning_at_a_restaurant_that_i_think/

15mi4v6

**I am not the original poster. Original post in AskaManager** *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!discussion of offensive behavior, racism!< mood spoilers: >!shock and concern, resolution and reflection!< --- &nbsp; ###[**My coworker signed me up for a racist organization as a joke**](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/11/my-coworker-signed-me-up-for-a-racist-organization-as-a-joke-and-more.html) *NOVEMBER 1, 2018* I have a colleague — a very nice, very young man with a quirky sense of humour and a less-than-fully-formed sense of boundaries around what’s appropriate to say at work. I believe this is his first professional job after graduating. Recently, he joined a racist alt-right political organization (I’m almost certain he did this as a joke, but not completely sure), and told me about this. I thought that was a very strange thing to do, and a strange thing to tell me about at work, but I let it go. We’re both new hires, and I don’t want to make waves. Today, he went online, impersonating me, and signed me up as a member of the organization. I’m almost completely certain it was a prank (as was his own joining), but I’m now officially a “member” of this organization, which couldn’t be further from my views. I’m sickened to think that my name will now appear on their membership rolls and count toward the official tally of how many members they have. On the one hand, if it’s something anyone can just sign someone else up for, I like to hope my new “membership” in it won’t do me any reputational harm … but on the other hand, if word got around that I’m a member, I would not be pleased. Would I look like a stick-in-the-mud if I told him that this wasn’t cool, and the kind of thing that might have real professional consequences for him if he did it to the wrong person? Would that be sufficient enough to get him a message without creating problems for him that I don’t want to create? &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: My coworker signed me up for a racist organization as a joke**](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/01/updates-coworker-signed-me-up-for-a-racist-organization-as-a-joke-and-more.html) *JANUARY 2, 2023* I did take your advice—I was polite but very firm with the young man (“Moe”) about the inappropriateness of his behaviour. He was offended in response – “I thought you were cool and had a sense of humour!” was the gist of his response. I ended up mentioning it to my boss in what I had thought was an offhanded way, just saying, “Moe did this thing, it was odd, I thought you might want to know he does this kind of thing.” A few weeks later, my contract with that organization came to an end, and was unexpectedly not renewed even though I’d been told to expect a renewal – on my way out the door, my boss gave me the feedback that I’m “over-sensitive”. (Which I certainly can be, so it might not have just been about this.) **Update on me:** it was a long struggle to find another job, but four years later, I’m E.D. of a small nonprofit that does lots of good and important work in its niche. I’m much happier here than I was there, and my board treats me much better (which isn’t something you hear from every E.D.!) **Update on Moe:** he’s skyrocketed through the ranks at that organization (a medium-profile government institution) and is now at director-level and is the public face of many of their initiatives. I follow him on Linkedin, and in my view, his judgment about what jokes are appropriate in a professional setting remains atrocious, but his bosses seem to love him. **Update on the racist organization:** I wrote to them and demanded that my name be taken off the membership rolls. They were very quick to do so, said that they would never want anyone to be publicly linked to their movement who didn’t genuinely share their views, and I haven’t heard from them or appeared on any public membership lists since. I don’t know how I ended up getting more courteous treatment from the racist organization than from my old employer, but here we are! Thank you for your advice and thanks to the commenters for engaging. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My coworker signed me up for a racist organization as a joke

EXTERNAL

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mi4v6/my_coworker_signed_me_up_for_a_racist/

15mi61q

**I am not the original poster. The original poster's account is deleted but the post was submitted to** r/sex. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!issues related to sexual intimacy!< mood spoilers: >!misunderstanding, reconciliation!< --- &nbsp; ###[**How do I (28F) make my husband (30M) want me sexually again? I am at fault here and I'm trying to salvage the marriage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/lwg1x6/how_do_i_28f_make_my_husband_30m_want_me_sexually/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, Mar 03, 2021* Hello. I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for the past two and half years. We loved each other from the first date, and after around 7 months of dating we got engaged and got married on our one year anniversary. Our relationship was excellent but there was this issue that was caused by me (without really knowing that I'm causing it). I was what you call here a "pillow princess". I never initiated sex with him at all, and won't do anything for him. I'd just lie down and let him use me. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy sex with him a lot, but I didn't put an effort in it. I had this toxic idea about men that in the bedroom, masculinity is to use women in bed whatever they like. Which now I know for a fact how toxic this was. After about 6 months in our marriage, he talked with me about the situation and said that he loves me and he knows that I love him too but he likes to feel desired and wanted too. He said that he would like if I initiated things with him for even once, and that he enjoys foreplay and oral sex so when he goes down on me he would like me to return the favor. After that talk, I didn't initiate sex with him to be completely honest. But I thought that he needed oral sex from me and just more kissing. Which I did, despite that I don't like to give oral sex. We continued like that for almost a year, but I was starting to notice that sex was becoming less and less in the relationship. Until it really Stopped. I mean Completely. He became distant, no kissing, no hugs. We would talk for hours, even play video games together, go outside for walks together. But nothing intimate, even holding hands become not a thing anymore. I thought this is something he's going through and that I need to give him more time to figure it out. Until three days ago I walked on him watching Porn and masturbating. I was shocked and told him why he's doing that? I'm here, and I have needs too (I was a real bitch). He was calm the whole time, then he told me that he simply doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. He has no desire for me, and he's not a cheater so he won't cheat on me, that's why he's been watching porn to fulfil his desires. Then he added, when he has sex with me it's like he's having sex with a fleshlight not a human being, at least a fleshlight vibrates, but with me nothing. And now he really views me as his partner in life not a sexual partner. And then he said, if you have desires as you claim grab yourself a vibrator or a dildo, or if you want we can get a divorce so you can go and fuck other people. I was stunned by his response. His indifference mortifies me. I KNOW that I caused this, with being so selfish in the bedroom. And after enough thought and playing things again in my head, I now know how bad I was to him sexually. So, I need your help please on how to fix this? How do I seduce him to make him want me again? Also, can you please recommend sources to me that teach sex, in like sex positions and how to initiate sex, etc.? I really want to salvage the marriage, and really want to make him happily sexually. So please I need all the advice I can get :) &nbsp; ###**UPDATE:** *(Added to original post)* Thanks for all of the advice you gave me. I'm now looking for therapists around my area to go to one (individual sessions) to try to solve my issues. I also texted my husband that we need to talk tonight, he agreed with me and we will cancel our evening walk tonight and spend the time talking. I didn't tell him what I want to talk about, but I think he knows what we are going to discuss. I think it would be one of the hardest conversations of my life. Thanks once more for all the advice you gave me you opened my eyes on many things. Wish me luck, and I'll try my best to update you on how things went. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE 2: How do I (28F) make my husband (30M) want me sexually again? I am at fault here and I'm trying to salvage the marriage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/lxvhd1/update_how_do_i_28f_make_my_husband_30m_want_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, Mar 04, 2021* First of all a huge THANK you for everyone who has helped me in my situation. Your advices have helped me tremendously. So, yesterday morning I've messaged my husband that we need to talk, and we agreed that a talk is a must in our current situation. We cancelled our evening walk, prepared some wine and we talked. We talked for hours and hours, tears were shed heavily. Also, there was yelling (not abusive yelling just yelling). I've come to know that for the past two months my husband had been in therapy himself. He didn't want to bother me with this. He was suffering so much in the past year. My actions caused him to feel unwanted, undesired, and unloved. He felt useless as a man. He started to resent me, and when it came to this point he went to therapy cause according to him he couldn't fathom the idea of resenting me as he loves me so much. It was going well, and masturbation was something his therapist recommended to do to relieve pressure and help him maintain a healthy life. The reason he told me those hurtful things when I walked on him that day was me saying "I have needs too". He felt so angry at the moment that he told me these awful words, He thought well, if you have needs why the hell aren't you telling me something or saying anything. And in his mind he thought I was cheating on him, since according to him I didn't want him sexually anymore. I didn't know how deep I hurt that man. My heart was bleeding as I was listening to him. I told him how fucked up I was in my head. How I've come to realize how awful of a wife I was to him, and that I'm now willing to change myself to be a better person for himself and myself as well. He was very skeptical, and I mean extremely skeptical, which I totally understand and don't blame him at all for that. Since my record of "brushing things off". I showed him my next therapy appointment, and also some of the advices I've received her I wrote it down in my notepad, so I showed him those as well. He apologized to me, and I apologized to him. We acknowledged that we both messed up here, and we spend a lot of time pointing out where did we mess up. And we acknowledge every bad thing we both did in regards to our feelings. We spent the whole night talking about this. We came to agree that we want our marriage to work again, but he made it clear that if I bailed out on therapy, or "brushed" therapy off. Then the marriage is Over. And I agreed on that cause this is what I want as well. Today morning, we wake up I met him at the kitchen, and he KISSED me good morning. I kissed him back and we had breakfast. After breakfast I thought to try something, and I went to him and started to make out with him, I was missing him so much and as it turned out he was missing me as much well. And for the first time in so long I saw him leaving smiling. I've been crying since the morning, and I can't describe you how happy I am now. Once more thanks a lot for all the advice you've provided me, and thanks to all of you I've looked deeply into my actions and made some decisions to change myself to the better including the first step of getting myself into therapy (sex-positive therapist) &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

How do I (28F) make my husband (30M) want me sexually again? I am at fault here and I'm trying to salvage the marriage

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mi61q/how_do_i_28f_make_my_husband_30m_want_me_sexually/

15mng7z

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRA-9807 **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!racism, infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!sad, but positive overall!<   [**I just saw a video of my best friend’s fiancé (27f) calling my wife (26f) a slur. I’m supposed to be his best man at their wedding next week**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15ep7na/i_just_saw_a_video_of_my_best_friends_fianc%C3%A9_27f/) **- 31st July 2023** I’ll keep this short but I (28m) am married to a black woman. I love her so much and no one I’ve ever met has had a problem with her or our relationship. My best friend since childhood (also 28m) is getting married next Saturday to his fiancé Carly (27f). She’s always been really nice and both me and my wife like her. I got a message from one of Carly’s bridesmaids on Instagram a few minutes ago with a video of Carly calling my wife the N word. I’m just shocked right now and don’t know what to think. I never would have expected her to say something like that and she’s never had a problem with my wife, at least not to my knowledge. I’m supposed to be the best man at their wedding but I’m not sure if I want to stand there and watch my best friend marry a woman who said something like that about my wife. I haven’t brought it up to my wife or best friend yet but I’m going to have to sooner than later. I’m also starting to wonder if my best friend knows about her racism and feelings towards my wife. I’m just lost right now and don’t know where to go from here. How am I even supposed to bring this up to my friend? And how do I tell my wife without hurting her? I just really don’t know what to do.   **Top Comment** *This is one of those situations where you just need to rip the band aid off and have the difficult conversations.* *It will likely hurt your wife’s feelings but it’s not you causing her that pain and she absolutely needs to know, your friend also needs a heads up that he’s about to marry a racist* **Comment from OOP** *Yeah, I unfortunately always knew that something like this would happen one day. I just wasn’t expecting it to be from someone so close to us* &#x200B; [**Update: I just saw a video of my best friend’s fiancé (27f) calling my wife (26f) a slur. I’m supposed to be his best man at their wedding next week**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15gi90g/update_i_just_saw_a_video_of_my_best_friends/) **- 2nd August 2023** Hey everyone. Thanks for all the advice and tips you guys gave me on my previous post. You really don’t know how much it means to me that so many people were willing to help. I figured that me and my wife were going to experience racism at some point but I never expected it from people who we were so close to. There was a lot that happened yesterday and my post on Reddit completely slipped my mind so sorry for all the late replies. I talked to my friend first just to check if he knew. I asked him to come over when my wife wasn’t home so we could talk. I showed him the video and he was shocked. He apologized numerous times and said he would talk to his fiancé. He did confront her and the wedding isn’t happening anymore. He had told her that he needed to talk to her about something and she apparently broke down. Turns out that she had cheated on him a few months ago with a coworker and she thought he’d found out. So yeah, the wedding isn’t happening and my friend is crushed. I feel bad for him but at least he found out she’s a cheater and racist before they got married. I’m also relieved that he didn’t know about her racism. I did start wondering if he had been condoning it or had the same feelings but I’m glad he didn’t. As for my wife, I sat her down and showed her the video. I wasn’t too sure about showing her cause she’s a really sensitive person and nothing breaks my heart more than seeing her cry. I figured it was better to just tell her instead of having her find out by herself and be mad at me for keeping it from her. She started crying after she saw it and didn’t want to talk. I’ve bought her favorite food/snacks, tried to get her to talk, cuddled with her, pretty much everything. I hate seeing her like this and I’m not sure how to comfort her so if anyone can give me some extra advice on that it’d be much appreciated🙏 I might show her the comments on my previous post so she can feel better. That’s pretty much all. My friend did send an apology via text to my wife but I’m not sure if she’s responded yet. Thanks to everyone who helped and gave really useful advice on how to approach this.🙏🤍 Edit: some people were asking why I showed her the video and it’s cause she asked. I say her down and told her that my friends fiancé had said some horrible things. She asked if it was a misunderstanding and I told her I had a video. She asked to see it and I showed her. &#x200B; **Top Comment** *Don't forget to thank the bridesmaid that sent you the video that stopped your friend from making a huge mistake, she put herself on the line for all the right reasons.* *MVP right there.*  **Flairing as concluded as the wedding is called off.**   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP sees a video of his best friend's fiancé calling his wife a slur word. He is supposed to be best man at their wedding next week.

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Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mng7z/oop_sees_a_video_of_his_best_friends_fiancé/