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15mnrpl

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/NoConstruction2163 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warnings: >!death!< mood spoilers: >!positive, much needed communication!<   [**I think I’m destroying my family and I’m not handling it well.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15ef5hn/i_think_im_destroying_my_family_and_im_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 31st July 2023** I don’t know these things work in the sub. Just wanna say for obvious reasons, I wish to keep this anonymous. Thank you. I’m a 25 year old male with a wife of 2 years. We have a beautiful little girl who we accidentally had when we were 18 (no regrets obviously) she is 6 as of right now and she and my wife are everything to me. I work in a dangerous field. It pays well and was something I got into when we found out she was pregnant. I make good enough money that my wife can pursue her dream of doing an online business now that our daughter is in school. My childhood best friend also joined me in this field. We were both directionless after high school so we jumped into this together and he was my bro for life. I say was because I watched him die on the job a couple weeks ago. A mistake was made my one of our fellow coworkers and in resulted in his death. He left behind a girlfriend and a one year old little girl as well. I had to break the news to his GF on my own and it was tough. I told her I’d make sure that whatever her and the kid needs, I would be there. I’ve already assisted in bills and I’ve been by a few times to console her. With this, I’ve also been hitting the gym to keep my mind off things while also letting my anger and frustrations empty themselves. Because of this, I haven’t been home a lot this lately. Last night I got back very late and my wife was up, asking where I’ve been and what’s been going on. I told her that I had just been working long hours and been stressed from work so I’ve been taking drives to relax. She mentioned my friends GF came by the house on Saturday asking where I was. So she didn’t believe me. She asked “do we need to talk about something?” And I just said “no everything is fine” and she keep pestering me about why she was at our door and “something not adding up with you lately and I wanna understand” and something went off in my head and I started raising my voice and said “there’s nothing to talk about, we’re good” and our daughter came out in the middle of us going back and forth saying she wet the bed. My wife looked at me, quietly and sternly said “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to get your shit together, we need you and it feels like you went missing and I don’t feel like I can rely on you” and she took our daughter tonight/yesterday night depending on when you’re reading this. I’ve been crying a lot lately and it’s just not something I want them to see. It’s not something I want to talk about or really know how to. It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with in my life to this point as I’m not a super emotional person. Most of my life, I really had to look over myself as my dad wasn’t around and my mom had her own issues that prevented her from being a great mother, but I don’t blame her for it. Usually I’ve been able to figure it out, but I also always had my bro and now I don’t. His own little family needs help too and I just feel like shit really the fan and I don’t even know if I’ve fully processed it. That’s not even including the fact that I don’t know if I’m losing my own family at this rate. I don’t feel comfortable about so much right now and I don’t think it’s fair to put that on anyone else’s either. I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or me trying to be the “man” but…truthfully I don’t even know. It feels better typing this out and just posting this to the internet. Feels like I’m at least getting it out. So thanks, random internet strangers. Edit: Wanna make this clear, I did reach out to my wife and asked her to come home and that we can talk about what’s been going on and she agreed but that “I have a lot of explaining to do” which is fair. Also thrilled that this managed to somehow turn into me cheating with my dead friend’s GF…nice Reddit. The few responses that are helpful and respectful, I do appreciate that. Just too many here are chronically online and try to spread their misery.   **Top Comment** *Friend, did you tell your wife about the contributions you're making to your late friend's family?* *She's asking for communication. Give it to her. Explain how his death made you feel, how breaking it to his girlfriend made you feel. Hell, TELL her you've been blowing off some pressure by hitting the gym.* *She is YOUR person. She's the one who vowed to be there for you. By keeping this in and trying to do everything yourself, you're preventing her from being able to support you and, in the face of this tragedy, you do need the support. You may have had to look after yourself before due to parents being unable to, and you may have figured that would always be the case but you have someone who loves you, who is asking you to explain so she can help.* *You're not 'good'. You're grieving. You're having a tough time. Your prolonged, unexplained absences are an issue for your wife. You are NOT good. Hiding that fact won't change that fact.* *Be vulnerable (because let's face it, you are vulnerable right now. Grief does that.). Be open. Trust in your wife, who loves you, that she will support you in this tough time. Please, for your sake and theirs. There is nothing to be gained out of you shouldering all of this alone other than resentment and miscommunication, and you're going through a tough enough time without that on top.* &#x200B; [**I think I’m destroying my family and I’m not handling it well UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15g70db/i_think_im_destroying_my_family_and_im_not/) **- 2nd August 2023** So after begging my wife and daughter to come home, I told her I’d lay it out and I’d be an open book. They got home later Monday night, and we had a late dinner. I just wanted to spend some time with them, especially my daughter, so we put her to bed kind of late. After that, my wife and I sat down, I told her the full rundown. Initially, she felt disappointed I kept it from her. Saying that wasn’t fair to her and I need to be a better communicator. She didn’t care about the money really, just more so how I kept her in the dark for so long and that I don’t need to tackle everything on my own. Which I appreciated. She then asked me to really talk about it and how I’m feeling about everything, trying to understand where I’m at, and basically consoling me. We did that for about an hour and there were a few tears, but again, I’m wasn’t trying to be an emotional slab. She understood why I’ve been distant and been getting home late and now it makes more sense why she came around and she forgives me for all that. I told her I’d would like to keep helping them, and that we have more than enough money to do so until we can either get a pay out, sue, or all the above for them. I would also like her and the kid around more, as she understands how close I was with them and how I see them as my sister and niece at this point. She was close with the GF years ago too when we were younger. She agreed on all that with the condition I drop down to 4 12’s a week. She said if we can afford to help them, I can also afford to take more time off to explore therapy and spend more time with our family. She’s been wanting to talk to me about it for a little while, and this was the condition she wanted because she did feel like it was bit of a betrayal, so I could tell she was leveraging a bit, as she said “we aren’t suppose to have those kind of secrets” and I just pulled her close and told her “I can do that” and we hugged and I gave her a kiss. We laid on the couch for a bit just talking and I definitely felt better putting it behind us. So now I’m Tuesday - Friday starting next week. I’m looking into both a grief and communications therapist since she wants me to work on communicating better and she said she’ll want to attend every once in awhile too to see how it’s going. She also asked to keep an open mind to moving to a different part of the company for safety reasons down the road as well. I know some requested a little update and now that everything is settled, figured I’d share. Despite some of the awful people that were replying and accusing me of infidelity, there were a good number of people who were trying to be helpful and I appreciate that. You take the good and bad, and with that, I hope this maybe helps others. Thanks guys and girls.   **Top Comment** *The child should apply for social security survivor benefits and she should be the beneficiary of a workman’s compensation lawsuit against the employer - consult a lawyer for free. Getting a life insurance policy for yourself doesn’t sound like a bad idea.* &#x200B; **OOP Replies** >Will be doing very soon. Right now, I took personal days to be with my girls so I’m gonna focus on that.   **Flairing as concluded as the immediate issue of family breakdown is resolved and they have a plan to deal with the grief.**   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I think I’m destroying my family and I’m not handling it well

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mnrpl/i_think_im_destroying_my_family_and_im_not/

15mowfk

First time posting, long time reader. I remember this one fondly, and while eating a cucumber the other day realized I'd never seen it posted here. I am NOT OOP. Original post by a deleted user in r/AmItheAsshole. [AITA for eating too many cucumbers?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1q194/aita_for_eating_too_many_cucumbers/) August 1st, 2020 This is perhaps the most bizarre AITA post I have ever written but I’m honestly so confused. Like I feel like I can’t possibly be TA, but then sometimes people are too blind to see their own flaws so maybe I really am. For as long as I can remember I’ve had this “quirk” I guess you could call that I never snack on anything other than cucumber. I shouldn’t say never technically since socially I’ll get ice cream or eat a few chips at a party, I’m not a picky eater by any means but my snack of choice has always been cucumbers. I eat pretty healthily anyways so a lot of fruits and veggies are a part of my diet. Since veggies are lower in calories I have to eat a lot of them to eat enough, so I’ll usually have some sliced cucumber in my purse that I munch on throughout the day and I’ll always have a cucumber in my car that I just eat whole when I’m driving. I go through several cucumber daily. Although it’s not healthy, I’ve had days where I’ve felt really depressed and overwhelmed and have binge eaten nothing but cucumber. I think I’ve eaten perhaps 35 on very extreme days. Recently this “quirk” has begun to drive my (22f) bf (33m) of 6 months insane (his words not mine). He says it’s highly inappropriate to carry them everywhere with me. We spent last weekend at his parent’s lake house and I provided my own cucumber to snack on. One night before bed I was in my room knowing on a cucumber like a savage when his mother walked in. Under normal circumstances I never would eat that around others, I’d slice it up. She was puzzled, but chucked and said “my you do like cucumber.” My boyfriend later told me that I humiliated him with my childish and immature eating habits. I told him that his mom caught me in a low moment, he was being ridiculous, since he eats a bag of chips everyday and I don’t bat an eye. He told me that chips were a normal snack and whole cucumbers were deranged. He told me I needed to stop eating cucumbers and that my behavior was becoming a deal breaker for him. I feel really bothered, but I think cucumbers are a weird hill to die and I don’t want to lose my relationship. So AITA? Edit: I’d just like to add that my boyfriend has never expressed any issue with my cucumber habits before now. The incident in question was because around 8PM I was getting really hungry and I don’t know his family super well so I didn’t want to go rummaging/ask for a snack and I didn’t want to bother them by asking for a cutting board or something to cut up my cucumber because of well, mild social anxiety. So I shut myself in the guest room and figured I’d just snack on a cucumber quick. I don’t usually go hide and eat cucumbers haha. But then his mom walked in looking for my bf presumably and was a little surprised but seemed amused and not upset or anything. I honestly didn’t think it’d turn into such a big deal for him **OOP is voted NTA.** My favourite comment: >u/HabitatGreen: I was waiting at the train station and I had two of those long bell pepers in my coat. The pockets were deeper than they seemed, but they still sticked out. However, a women sat next to me on the other side of where I kept the bell pepers and was unable to see them. And then I pulled one out of my coat and begin to eat it. She was like, okay, whatever. However, then I pulled another one of those out of seemingly nowhere for her, and she visibly had a look of wtf on her face. It was very funny. [UPDATE: AITA for eating too many cucumbers?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ie5lpg/update_aita_for_eating_too_many_cucumbers/) August 21st, 2020 I didn’t expect my first post to really get any attention, so I’d like to thank you all for taking the time to read it and give your judgement! To those of you who expressed concern for my cucumber addiction/that I have an ED, I can assure you I am perfectly healthy! I wouldn’t consider myself addicted, nor do I have an ED at all, I just really enjoy my cucumbers. I can go days without eating them, I don’t need my cucumber fix, it’s just if I’m going to snack I’d prefer to eat a cuke. I would consider the amount I snack on cucumbers proportional to the amount my bf or any normal person would snack on chips or other junk food. I just occasionally eat more since they’re so low in calories. Additionally, I have had a few cucumber binges, I am well aware that those are not healthy, just like binging on junk food isn’t healthy. But that’s extremely uncommon for me, and for the most part I eat a well balanced healthy diet! However, I will talk to my doctor about it to ensure that it is not worrying. As for my boyfriend, we ended up calling it quits. I was pretty hurt at first, but I think perhaps his huge reaction to cucumbers was indeed a red flag for controlling behavior. I think that he was trying to call my bluff, expecting me to give up my cukes for him, so the breakup took him a bit by surprise too. How it went down was that I told him we needed to have a chat. I told him that it was unacceptable to tell me what I was allowed to eat. I added that if listening to me chow down on cucumbers was what bothered him (as some of you in the comments noted), I would avoid eating them when he was around. Apparently, the very idea of me eating so many cucumbers was driving him nuts, not the noise. I decided to try and compromise. He’s a pretty heavy drinker and will get drunk pretty often. I know that it’s very bad for his health and I have expressed that concern in the past. I told him that I’d give up cucumbers if he gave up alcohol. He declined my offer, threw out a few uncreative insults and expletives, and I am now writing this from my mom’s couch with a cucumber in my hand and a cucumber in my heart <3. I’m still unclear on why the cucumbers were such an issue, why I could never eat them again, why me suggesting he give up alcohol was such a big deal, among other things. But I guess I’ll never know now. Edit: OMG thank you so much for the awards!! I’m so honored!! And I’m really glad to know those are hugs, I always thought they were judgmental Ewoks Edit 2: I seem to have forgotten to add this as it was a common question on the original post and I’m seeing it in the comments now. No, I did not eat 35 of those mammoth cucumbers, my eating habits may be odd, but I’m not completely insane. I think on my last cucumber binge (which occurs super rarely and it was quite a while ago) I had maybe 3 or 4 big ones and the rest were the mini cukes. I do buy a lot of them at the grocery store, but I have a cucumber dealer who hooks me up with huge batches. And for those of you upset at my use of the word “cuke,” here you go! May your lives be enriched :) Edit 3: Just for some added clarification for those who think my boyfriend is completely justified in his cucumber hate and that I’m a lunatic, I agree. Sort of. If he had been bothered by the chewing or concerned about my health, I was ready to talk about it and work something out. I didn’t enter into the discussion for a fight or with the intention of breaking up. His attempted grasp for control over my food wasn’t even the reason why I broke up with him, but when he started shouting at me and called me a bitch (which he had never done before) I decided to end things. \------ Additional favourite comments compared this to the giant sub hogger: >u/deleted: Did you eat 4 feet of the communal 6 foot cucumber? > >u/PeterM1970: This is an odd story you have here. But I say you do you, as long as you don't eat the majority of a six foot cucumber that's supposed to feed an entire party. I'm still wondering about the cucumber dealer OOP mentions... I leave you all, as OOP says, "with a cucumber in my hand and a cucumber in my heart <3"

AITA for eating too many cucumbers?

REPOST

MythDancer

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mowfk/aita_for_eating_too_many_cucumbers/

15mtxue

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/LifelsShort_LikeMe **in** r/rpghorrorstories trigger warnings: >!sexism!< mood spoilers: >!satisfyingly healthy!< Quick note: It seems that r/rpghorrorstories was banned in the time it took to get the post formatting corrected, which is fucking weird, but hey, at least we got this one final story out of it. [**DM Has decided I am lying about my roles because I am a girl and wants to roll for me the rest of the campaign.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/xyjtq5/dm_has_decided_i_am_lying_about_my_roles_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- Oct. 8, 2022** Let me start by saying, I know it sounds like I am in the wrong, that he must have a reason to think I am lying about my rolls so I can succeed or something, but I truly have no idea why he even thinks that I am because I swear I have never lied about a roll before. So basically I am the only girl (20f) in my current dnd campaign, but I don’t really mind or feel uncomfortable about it since all the guys I play with have been nothing but welcoming and chill towards me, they don’t ever treat me any differently and are a great group of guys. My only grievance is that the DM has made comments since I started playing with them about how every “female” he has played with before always lie about their dice rolls so they can “impress all the guys and look better/hotter in their eyes”. Which is a super weird thing to bring up in my opinion, I had just started and had shown no signs of lying about anything so I was already kinda weirded out that he felt the need to bring it up but whatever. I kinda just brushed it off and said I had played before and that I don’t fake dice rolls because that ruins the experience and the risk of the game and my actions, which ruins the game for me and everyone else. DM seemed to accept that and let it go at the time. However, I have noticed that at least once per session he will make some comment somewhere along the lines of how “females just lie all the time, it’s what they are biologically good at and they all lie in games like this to look sexy to the men there”. No one at the table really responds when he makes these comments, one of the guys tried once earlier on to mention that that was a sexist and off topic thing to bring up, but the DM got mad at being cut off from “sharing his personal life experiences and knowledge” so no one has spoken up about it since. This last session was probably the most risky and dangerous situation the party has been in since the start of the campaign, and there were a few times where I had to roll and lives were on the line if I failed. Somehow I managed to get at least the bare minimum I needed to succeed (needed a 15 or higher in most cases) since I usually had advantages. Everyone else was having similar luck though, so I was just hyped that we were rolling lucky that night. I did also have plenty of horrible rolls (got 2 nat 1s in a row at one point, lol) too, so it wasn’t as if I was only rolling successes the whole session. But the DM seemed to be getting frustrated more and more with each successful role I announced. He made a comment that I though at the time was a joke, he chuckled and said it was almost like I was faking it to win with how good my luck was. I had been rolling in front of me where everyone could see though so nothing was hidden, I didn’t think that was any concern that I was cheating so I just laughed and said that yeah my luck was wild tonight! Then at the end of the session the DM said I had one more save roll to get us out of there avoiding another fight that would probably end badly for us. I needed a nat 20 or I would fail. One of my party members assisted and so I had advantage, but the odds of success were still low. I rolled both dice, and by some miracle, I did it. I rolled a nat 20 on both dice, it was glorious and everyone was super hyped. The DM just looked mad though and we all joked that he wanted us to fail so he could show off some more characters he made and do more of the fun combat stuff. He kinda chuckled and said it was something go like that.The session then ended calmly with us getting back to our keep and getting set up to rest. Then we called it a night, everyone packed up and we went our separate ways assuming that was the end for that night. I got a message though 2 hours later from the DM and he was telling me he knows I cheated and lied about my dice rolls to look better in front of the guys. He said he was nice enough to not call me out there and embarrass me in front of everyone like he should have, but that he could no longer trust me. He demanded that I give him my dice next session and that from here on out he will be rolling behind his DM screen for me since I am “proving to be just like every other lying female and ruining the game for all the honest guys who are playing with me”. I was stunned, I didn’t know what to say so I just told him I had never lied, that I was sharing dice with one of the guys so they aren’t some weighted set or anything, and that all my rolls were in the open where everyone could easily see, that I could understand he may have had bad experiences in the past with players but I had done nothing wrong and would not be letting him roll for my character the rest of the campaign. He has yet to respond but I am still so out off and insulted that he though I was cheating or lying. I really like the group I play with, and the campaign story is super interesting so I don’t think I’ll be quitting, but I certainly am not gonna just sit by and not roll ever again and I don’t know what to do in this situation. Edit: I was on mobile posting this and it for some reason didn’t register that I had tried to put in paragraph breaks/I somehow did it wrong. So got that fixed so it is in paragraphs again. Also fixed a few spelling errors I missed since I posted it when I was pretty tired. And for those saying he has a crush on me. Yeah. He asked me out when I was a freshman in HS and he was a Senior. We were both in the same clubs and he seemed nice enough to give a chance to him, so I said yes. We only dated for about a month or two before he got super possessive and controlling and I broke it off. He was still super bitter so I cut him off entirely up until about 2 years ago. We only reconnected because we live in a small town and so we share most of the same friends. He has asked me out three times since then and I have turned him down each time. The last attempt he made at asking me out I very bluntly told him that if he ever asked me out again I would cut him out of my life permanently. He seemed to get the message and has, until this game started, actually had been really chill around me and never pushed my boundaries or said anything creepy. He just acted normally like all the other guys I am friends with. Some of the other guys have said they will start to stand up for me in this matter. I screenshotted the conversation I had with DM and sent it to them this morning and they were all shocked he was acting like that to me. I live in a small town and so this is the only group to play with around me, if I quit this group I have no idea when/if I will be able to play again and I really do like the other guys in the party. But none of them like to DM and I am still super new and don’t really feel comfy trying to DM for the group. The campaign is also like 2/3 of the way done according to the timeline the DM gave us, so I will probably stick through it for the few sessions we have left then see if there are online games I guess if DM is still acting creepy and like an incel. So we will see in 2 weeks how it goes when we meet up for the next session. Thanks for all the advice and messages everyone sent me! [**UPDATE: DM Has decided I am lying about my rolls because I am a girl and wants to roll for me the rest of the campaign. - Oct. 23, 2022**](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/ybaw2p/update_dm_has_decided_i_am_lying_about_my_rolls/) Hey everyone, I said I would be back with an update after my next session so here I am. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, grammar has never been my strong suit and I have a killer headache at the moment, but I figured I would still keep my word to keep you all updated. I realize I didn’t put some background info in (trying to stay anonymous and all) but I have know DM and 2 of the guys since freshman year of HS, when they were both seniors, and DM had sometimes been a “nice guy”, but he was never this much like an incel\\neckbeard. So this behavior was kinda surprising to us, which is why I think they only spoke up once and were kinda just confused about it after that. Also, I know last post I was saying I wouldn’t leave the game but a lot of you got through to me. All the advice made me realize that, even though he is a phenomenal story teller and world builder who can craft these beautifully intricate and engaging worlds and NPCs, even the best stories aren’t worth putting up with being mistreated. I’ll be honest, because of some issues in my past I tend to not recognize that I don’t have to put up with everyone's crap and that I am allowed to stand up for myself and leave bad situations. so I really did appreciate everyone helping me to realize this was one of those situations to stand my ground and not back down any. But anyways, onto the actual update on what happened. How it all went down yesterday was not at all what I expected to happen to be honest. I had shown all the other guys I played with the messages that DM had sent me. I was clear with them that this was not acceptable and that either they supported me and got DM to straighten his act up or I was leaving. I also made it clear that I had nothing against them, that I really liked gaming with them and would be happy to continue playing with them with a different DM if I had to leave and that we would still be friends outside of the game. All of them were appalled at how he had been acting and the messages seemed to be the final straw that broke the camels back. After showing them all the messages they said they had to talk about some stuff and would get back to me before the next session but most were clear that they were on my side in this matter. One of the guys got back to me the day before the session and said that they were all behind me 100% and that they had all been calling the DM out the past 2 weeks since the last session. I guess they were demanding he shape up and explain where this mindset came from and why he was acting like such an ass. Well, I decided that since I had support from the rest of the group I would go back for this session but if he made a single comment I was leaving then and there, just walking out and being done with it all. When I got to the place we were all meeting at DM asked us to sit down, and he was sounding really uncomfortable and he wouldn’t look anyone in the eye. He said he wanted to talk to us but we had to sit down first. Well, he went on to tell us about his past 3 girlfriends. That one had dated him for 2 months before saying she was a lesbian and leaving, that the second one cheated on him with someone from one of his classes, and the third one (which he says was the breaking point for him) asked to join a game he was DMing for at his college and ended up hitting it off with one of the guys there and they broke up. He showed us screenshots of the conversations they had leading up to and after each breakup and, honestly, I can see why the guy was pretty crushed about it all, it sucks big time to be cheated on. We did know he had been in those relationships, and I knew that the one later came out, and that the second one had cheated on him, but no one knew about why the third relationship fell apart. He never wanted to talk about it with anyone, and after each relationship he went though the stages of mourning the relationship, and we did what we could to support him, but he always seemed to bounce back. And if anyone tried to talk to him about it he was very convincing in telling us that, he had been sad for long enough now and he was doing better and was moving on. So none of us really knew the full stories of everything that went down or how it had actually effected him. I was honest with him that I was sorry he had been through that, and I did empathize with how he was feeling and how he was hurt, but that none of it was an excuse for how he had been treating me or how he had been speaking, that his behavior was still unacceptable and incredibly cruel and hurtful and it made me feel unsafe to be around him anymore. The other guys at the group backed me up saying that as shitty as his situation was, it did not excuse or forgive the way he has been acting. They were clearly behind me, which I’ll admit was a huge relief. DM asked what he had to do to get us to stay, and one of the guys said the main issue would be earning my trust back, and that it was up to me to decide what that meant. And that aside from that, the guys had lost trust in DM and his ability to be fair to all the players at the table, and that he would also have to earn that trust back as well as their respect for him as a friend. DM them told me that he had known he was wrong to act and speak like that, and that he had been angry and spiteful because of his past experiences and because he was hurt when I turned him down each time he asked me out between his past relationships and after his last girlfriend broke up with him. He said he was taking his anger out on me and venting because it was easy to blame me for it. I’ll admit, I had fully expected him to go nuclear and be yelling or something when I showed up for the session. I had been fully prepared to take all your advice and leave. I was not prepared for this.We didn’t end up having a session that night. DM said he would leave for now and let me think on if/how he could gain all our trust back. So DM left and the other guys and I honestly didn’t know what to do about it. We all had a lot to take in but we still wanted to hang out like we planned for the day, so the rest of the guys and I ordered some Panda Express, watched a movie and played some board games before parting ways. I haven’t talked to them today yet, and they haven’t tried to message me. They are all probably just feeling as confused and lost about what to do as I am right now. So I guess that’s it for the update for now. I don’t know if I’ll continue playing in the game or not. I don’t know what to tell DM for how he can earn my trust and the trust of the other players back. I don't know if he even can earn that trust back with me. I have a lot to think about for now. I am considering telling him that therapy is a good first step for gaining my trust back. He has always had some really bad anger issues and some other personal things that I believe therapy could really help him work through and with all this new stuff my belief that he could use a good therapist is even stronger now. He has always been kinda off put by the idea of therapy though, and I remember he was clear he thought it was dumb when I got therapy back during my senior year for some traumas I had been through. But idk, maybe this whole situation could be what finally makes him see he can’t do it on his own. He already seems to be realizing that his “coping methods" are only going to lead to him losing several of his friendships. Sorry it isn’t the explosive yelling match ending with one of us storming out of the room in a dramatic climax of the evening like some of you in the comments were saying you wanted to hear about, lol. I kinda expected to be giving that update but here we are. I’ll keep you all updated still, we are planning to still meet up at he scheduled time in 2 weeks when the next session would be, so the guys and I have 2 weeks now to think and figure things out. **~~Flaired as Inconclusive because OOP never posted the promised update. :(~~** **UPDATE! OOP found this post and DM'd me an update to share with you all (she tried to comment but it was accidentally removed via Automod) –** Aug. 9, 2023 Oh wow, I honestly had forgotten about this post! I meant to update, but some family issues came up (my aunt was hospitalized for a while with some medical issues) and I had to spend most of my time focusing on supporting family through all that drama and I just forgot to ever update everyone. Anyways, I guess I can just put the last bit of what happened in the comments here since the subreddit got taken down and I don’t know where else to put the update now. Some of the people in the comments on my original post had told me that I should not be the one having to do all the work to think of ways he could repair my trust in him, that he needed to be the one doing some hard thinking to figure that out himself. Honestly, that kinda made me realize that in the years of being friends with the DM every time he did something that hurt me or broke my trust, it was always on me to figure out basically a checklist for him to complete to gain that trust back. It is always exhausting and I realized that it puts so much of the pressure of fixing things on me, and that just doesn’t feel right anymore. And this is a trend with him that extends beyond just his and my relationship, he will come to me asking what he needs to do to fix relationships with others all the time as well. It is beginning to feel like he just never puts thought into himself and what is causing these relationships to fall apart or how he can take initiative himself to fix things. He just expects to apologize, giving some excuse for the way he was acting, and then wants me to solve the problem for him and tell him exactly how to fix it. Which I guess I have been allowing since I rarely said no and was always able/willing to help him. I ended up messaging him saying:“I know you want me to make a list of stuff you can do to gain my trust back, but it is always on me to figure out how you can fix your relationships with others. Me telling you exactly how to fix things is not going to help either of us in the long run and will just end up with this same cycle that has been going on for years to continue. I really think you need to take some time to think deeply and critically about what led to this and what YOU think you should do to fix it.Think of if the roles were reversed between us and what the person who hurt you would need to do to make you trust them again. I have found that thinking of it from that perspective can help me to figure out at least some good first steps when I have hurt someone and want to earn their trust back. I am willing to work with you later to fully repair our friendship, but unless I can see that you are genuinely taking initiative yourself and at least taking the first few steps yourself, I don’t think this friendship can continue the same as it has in the past.” I saw that he had read it a few minutes after I sent it but he never responded so I figured he was just processing the message and figuring out where he was going to go from here. I left the ball in his court and focused myself on helping my family and dealing with the rest of the drama happening in my life. About a week later he finally tried to contact me back by calling me. I had figured he just wanted to talk and maybe clarify my message or talk about anything he had thought of for first steps. I was very wrong. As soon as I picked up the call he started yelling stuff about how selfish and unreasonable I was being to him and how was he supposed to figure out how to repair my trust in him by himself. I tried to repeat that I was not expecting him to do everything on his own, that I was willing to work with him once I saw he was at least trying to take the first few steps himself, but he kept interrupting me and yelling. I knew he had had severe anger issues in the past, but it had been almost 2 years since I had been on the receiving end of one of his explosive yelling rages. I don’t know how long I sat on that call being screamed at and insulted, and looking back I am surprised I wasn’t crying or upset (I cry very easily when others yell at me), instead I just felt kinda numb I guess. After being interrupted multiple times and listening to him repeat the same insults I just got tired of it. As soon as he stopped to take a breath I just told him he either changed his attitude now or I was hanging up. Well that got him REALLY angry and he tried to start yelling again but I just hung up. He then sent multiple messages about how rude it was to hang up on someone during a conversation and asking, well more like demanding, that I had to figure out how to fix how my rudeness and selfishness was destroying the friendship. I just didn’t respond and the messages stopped after about an hour. I haven’t heard from him since, but after that phone call, I have realized he never wanted to put work and thought into repairing our friendship himself. He just wanted an easy fix of me telling him exactly what to do. I didn’t block him, but I am not ever going to initiate any conversation between us. If he ever looks back and realizes he wants to genuinely put in the work to try to repair the friendship, he can message me, although after the phone call and his last messages it will take a heck of a lot to ever make me trust him again. Even if he really changes and puts in some serious self reflection, I don’t think we can ever be as close of friends like we have been in the past though, not with all that has happened and not with this most recent incident. So yeah, I had really hoped that maybe this was a friendship that could be saved, and for a while it was really looking like it could be, but he kinda burned that bridge. I am still pretty sad about it, I know he wasn’t a good friend to me, but I had known him and considered him a friend for so long that it still hurts knowing this is how it turned out. But I am moving on from it now, and I was finally able to find a therapist that I can afford, so I will be starting up therapy again and hopefully that will help me too. I also ended up quitting the game he was running, but a bunch of the girls from one of my online friend groups I met recently wanted to start a campaign together so I will still get to play D&D once that game starts up in a few months! **Flaired as Concluded since OOP provided a new update :)** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

DM Has decided I am lying about my roles because I am a girl and wants to roll for me the rest of the campaign.

CONCLUDED

Udy_Kumra

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15mtxue/dm_has_decided_i_am_lying_about_my_roles_because/

15n1jf7

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/IndustryKiller **I want to take my mom to Scotland** **Originally posted to** r/travel **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Bittersweet but positive!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/travel/comments/ump0ot/i_want_to_take_my_mom_to_scotland/) **May 10, 2022** My mom's got stage 4 lung cancer, which sucks. She's on a medication right now thats keeping her in pretty good shape. The doc said that people are able to spend an average of 2yrs on it. Stage 4 means its spread and is considered incurable, but so far her scans are showing things shrinking a bit each time, so I'm hopeful for a few more years at least. I've asked a couple times what's on her bucket list and Scotland is the immediate answer. I just left my abusive deadbeat husband and I have a good job, so I am pretty confident I could swing a nice vacation for her summer of 2023, and I think its reasonable to assume she will be in fairly good shape still 🤞 So, reddit, please tell me what I need to consider, and what I should be expecting to spend, both in planning and while there. I've just gotten done with my first vacation that I planned as an adult, which was 7 days in Hawaii. I think it went well, but I definitely am a novice at planning vacations. So far I've got the following thoughts: • I'm thinking 2 weeks will be enough time. Mom works for the school district, so it would be during summer break, mid-June to late August. Her birthday is early July, so maybe then would be good. • mom has a Vacation International (timeshare on crack) membership and can exchange points with international partners, hoping to leverage that for part/all of the room stay. • She really wants to go to Loch Ness, Inverness Castle, Edradour distillery, Edinburgh. • I'm signed up for Scott's Cheap Flights and can hopefully get a good deal on flights once we get a little (lot) closer. [Update - 1 year later](https://www.reddit.com/r/travel/comments/15gv9sa/i_took_my_mom_to_scotland_update_post/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 3, 2023** I posted originally about a year ago here; the tl;dr is that my mom has stage 4 lung cancer and this was her bucket list trip. The post didn't get a lot of traction, but the trip happened and I wanted to share that. We had a wonderful time, we did rent a car for the whole trip, I ended up driving the entire time after my mom burned out the clutch on the first rental - in the first 4mi. Turns out she was much rustier at driving a manual than she had realized. I drove about 1700mi in all, it was fun. My mom's treatment basically stopped working just before we went, so she's going to have to switch to chemo or radiation most likely soon, so the timing on that front was perfect. I lost my (cushy tech) job back in January, but decided we were going anyway because it needed to happen. I'm very grateful that we went, especially with the changes we found out about after we got back. We (me 32F, sister 36F, mom 60F) were there the first 2 weeks of July. We landed in Heathrow, stayed the night in Isleworth, popped over to Richmond to see where Ted Lasso was filmed. Then we hit Stonehenge and Avebury on the way to Cardiff. Two days in Cardiff then back to England for 2 days in Liverpool. From Liverpool we went up North to Edinburgh, stopping at Hadrian's Wall on the way (plus an assortment of various small towns and villages for various reasons. That was 10hrs from Liverpool to Edinburgh). Stayed in Leith for a couple of days, had the most incredible Greek food. We happened to be there during Holyrood Week and the King was in town, so we stayed a few extra hours to see the "procession". Knowing how the majority of Scotsmen feel about him, you'd think he could slow down and actually wave a bit. From Edinburgh we went up to Dingwall, near Inverness and stayed in Tulloch Castle, which is apparently the castle my mom's family actually owned, not Inverness Castle as I had thought initially. We did do the tour on Loch Ness, which was a lot of fun. I got to pet a Highland Cow! Definitely the highlight for me. Couple of days in Dingwall and then down to Stirling for 3 days. We saw the Famous Alva Highland Games, which were quite fun, and Stirling Castle. Then back down to London to go home. It was absolutely action packed, but I don't know that I would have changed anything. Maybe one more day built in to the midway point as a reserved "veg and rest" day. **RELEVANT COMMENT FROM OOP** **OOP WHEN ASKED ABOUT TIPS VISITING SCOTLAND** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/travel/comments/15gv9sa/i_took_my_mom_to_scotland_update_post/jumvaxi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Same Day** I honestly had a blast driving over there. It's a very different experience from driving in the US, and driving on the left is only a very small part of that. A list for you: • Buy "the Highway Code". It's the learners driving handbook, it's like £5 and it'll be very helpful, especially with the signs. • they use roundabouts everywhere. When you enter the roundabout, put your signal on for where you're getting off. Leave it off if you're going straight through. • the entire driving culture is far more polite than the US. I once went the wrong way down a one way street and had no way to bail out, so I reversed down the street. No one honked at me, yelled at me, or flipped me off. • unless you are on a dual carriageway (divided highway), its likely that the road is not wide enough for two vehicles next to each other. When you see a car coming, you'll both look and see who has a byway (pull over spot) and the person with the one that makes the most sense will pull over. The person who goes by will then do a little polite wave to the other driver. This whole ritual is something the US could never manage and it still fascinates me. • on the dual carriageway, the passing lane is the passing lane (the rightmost lane), for real. With few exceptions, don't drive in it. People will not pass you on the left, and they will be grumpy but not go around you if you drive in the passing lane. • you cannot turn left on a red light (thankfully I learned this from an Uber driver, rather than the hard way) • while you are in the cities, park the car where you're staying and take transit whenever possible. Parking is a nightmare. As far as things to see, definitely see the Kelpies near Falkirk. They're lit up at night and even more incredible, but the car park also closes, so it's a bit more of a walk to see them up close. Stirling is about midway between Edinburgh and Glasgow, Stirling Castle is definitely worth a visit. There's a humongous William Wallace monument near Stirling, too, that's very impressive. If you have family from the Highlands, the Highlands Archive Center in Inverness will help with research. They've got books and census records and all kinds of cool stuff. If you're into history, check out the "Battle of Bannockburn Experience." It's an interactive experience where you get assigned to fight either as the English or the Scots, you plan the battle and have to follow directions and play out the fight. We didn't get to go, but the lady who told us about said she'd been 3 times and hadn't managed to win yet, lol. Honestly, we went with not a whole lot planned past where we were gonna be and one or two specifics per place, and we had no trouble filling the time. Ask locals what they recommend, everyone we asked was thrilled to share their opinions. And people will tell you how cool your American accent is. **OOP HAS COMMENTED IN THE THREAD** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15n1jf7/i_want_to_take_my_mom_to_scotland/jvmzqpr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) OOP here! A friend of mine that we stopped and saw over there sent me this post and it has totally made my day. I can't believe I made it on BORU and that everyone is so sweet. Thank you guys ❤️ also addendum to my story - met up with a friend I knew from gaming while there. She took the train from Leeds all the way to Liverpool and then on the way down, it turned out we were driving right by Leeds, so we got to see her twice! Shoutout to Kat and Nando's Wakefield! ❤️❤️ **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I want to take my mom to Scotland

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15n1jf7/i_want_to_take_my_mom_to_scotland/

15n1kzf

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Burner_Kazooie **Should I confront my friend?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Betrayal from a close friend!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1598uvs/should_i_confront_my_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 25, 2023** I'm in quite the pickle and I could use some insights. This whole situation has my emotions all over the place, so I apologize if this is lengthy. For some context, I'm 26M, my girlfriend (let's call her Lily) is 25F, and we've been together for three years. The friend in question, Mark, is 27M. Mark and I have known each other for about six years and he's been one of my closest friends. He met Lily about two years ago, and they've always had a friendly dynamic. They joke around a lot and share similar interests, but I never thought much of it because I trusted Mark. In fact, I always believed that Mark was one of the few friends I could trust implicitly around my girlfriend. When I travel for work, which is often, Mark started hanging out with Lily's group of friends. Initially, this was discussed with Lily and it was a bit unusual for me, but I chalked it up to him trying to expand his social circle and looking for new friends. After all, he had a tough breakup a while ago and has been trying to surround himself with positive influences. Plus, Lily's friends adore our relationship and have always supported us. I thought, "What's the harm?". Fast forward a few months, Mark has become a regular member of their group. Birthday parties, movie nights, Sunday brunches – he's there for all of it. Lily's friends (and Lily herself) have come to love Mark. He's charismatic, funny, and everyone enjoys his company. However, I started to notice that he was particularly close to Lily and another of her friends, Jess (24F). They'd frequently post pictures on social media, always sitting together at group events, etc. Once again, I chalked it up to them just being close friends. Lily had assured me that she felt no attraction towards him, and I don't have any reason to doubt that, but my issue was more whether Mark was being genuine. However, things took a turn earlier this week. Lily and I were out of town for a weekend getaway, and Mark attended an event with Lily's friend group. Jess confronted Mark because she felt he was being overly flirty with Lily, essentially fawnijg over her if neither of us was around, and his behavior was making her uncomfortable. To everyone's shock, Mark admitted he had feelings for both Lily and Jess. While he promised to set boundaries and maintain distance, he also took a dig at me. He said that I was a "people pleaser" and that I was "too nice for my own good". He insinuated that even if I knew about his feelings, I wouldn't do anything because "I like being the nice guy everyone loves". Honestly, that hurt more than him admitting feelings for Lily. I always saw myself as genuine, and to have someone I trusted imply I'm merely putting on an act has shaken my confidence. Since he had started hanging out with Lily's group, we had gotten a lot closer, and he seemed more interested in getting to know me better. Lily and I heard about this from Jess, so I can't be entirely sure on the context which is eating me up. I came home the other day and hung out with him, and he said nothing. He's continuing business as normal as though I don't know what happened. I'm torn now. I appreciate his honesty, but I feel betrayed. I want to maintain our friendship, but I also want to protect my relationship with Lily. She does not want to see him anymore, and feels betrayed because we'd both genuinely believed he'd be a safe friend who'd want to hang out with her for her. To clarify, no moves were made, but Lily mentioned he had asked a lot about our relationship when I wasn't there at the social events and I'm left wondering what he might have done if we were in a rough patch, but that's all speculation. I'm seeking advice on how to handle this situation. How do I approach Mark? How can we rebuild trust, if at all? And am I wrong for feeling like Mark's comment on my nature was a low blow? TL;DR: Close friend admitted feelings for my gf while I was out of town. He's become a regular in her friend group. Also said some hurtful things about my character. Feeling lost and betrayed. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15b0jcu/update_should_i_confront_my_friend/) **July 27, 2023** Firstly, thanks to all who weighed in on my last post. Your insights were incredibly grounding during this whirlwind of emotions. Here's the update on confronting Mark: After gathering my thoughts, I texted Mark to address the situation. He played it down massively, saying he didn't remember the conversation and was certain it didn't involve Lily. He tried to spin the "people-pleasing" comment, stating it was a reminder to "respect my boundaries because I might not assert them". A weird explanation, given how the entire situation "didn't involve" me and Lily. But here's where things got even more tangled: Three separate friends, including Lily, approached me at different points with an unsettling claim. They said that Mark had told people that I viewed my relationship with Lily as a "short-term thing." This was utterly baffling to me. Not only is it untrue, but it's also a complete violation of trust. Why would Mark spread such a damaging rumor about me, especially when he knows how committed I am to Lily? I also confronted Mark about another lie from last week that made me look bad in front of Lily's friends. He admitted to the falsehood but tried to assure me he'd corrected it the next day. After checking with the person involved, it became clear that Mark hadn't set the record straight as he'd claimed. Through all this, not a single apology came from Mark. He kept repeating that it was a "misunderstanding." The fact he claims no memory of such recent events is deeply concerning. Reflecting on our friendship, a pattern is emerging. Mark has always been transitioning between friend groups for as long as I've known him. I never thought much of it, but now it seems he rarely retains any long-term friends from these groups. Could this be a repeating pattern of his behavior driving people away? It's heartbreaking. Mark has been a trusted friend for over two years. Understanding that he might have been manipulating situations and spreading false narratives about me is gut-wrenching. I've shared everything with Lily, and she's backing whatever decision I choose to make regarding Mark. It's hard to reconcile the friend I thought I knew with the person he's revealing himself to be. Any advice on navigating this would be greatly appreciated. It's a tough road ahead. I am not going to talk to Mark anymore, and I might let him know beforehand. Reading all of this again makes me feel comfortable in that choice but in the moment, I'd wondered if he was right and if this wasn't really a big deal. TL;DR: Confronted Mark. He downplayed everything, spread rumors about my relationship, and lied about another incident. Recognizing unsettling patterns in his past friendships. Feeling utterly betrayed. **OOP HAS RECENTLY COMMENTED ABOUT MARK** **Courtesy of u/ChenilleSocks** **In reply to someone saying don’t prove Mark right:** >”This helped a lot in solidifying my decision. I realized right after posting this and talking with Lily that I don't need someone like him in my life right now. Hopefully he gets the help he needs and thank you for the words !” **And in reply to someone asking aren’t you worried Lily will think you’re a chump (paraphrasing here), OOP says:** >“I did! Blocked his number and haven't talked to him since. Haven't felt better. Afterwards, I started realizing a pattern in our interactions that stretched back way before I met Lily. Luckily she thinks even more highly of me after all of this, and I'm genuinely so happy to have someone who values my empathy, but she is beyond proud of me for refusing to take flak from him!” ##**OOP HAS MADE A NEW UPDATE AFTER THE BORU POSTED** * **Thank you u/mimi23833 & u/FurbyTime for letting us know** * [NEW UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15nbtrv/final_update_bye_mark/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 10, 2023** Thank you all for your support and insights on my previous posts. I wanted to provide an update to shed some light on how things have transpired since confronting Mark. Post-confrontation, I have not spoken to Mark. Our last conversation over text was me expressing my deep-seated concerns, primarily about catching him in a lie just a week prior. He claimed he had rectified that lie by apologizing to Jess the day after. When I pressed him on why he'd apologize to Jess and not me, the person he'd actually wronged, he evaded the question. Instead, he focused on producing 'proof' of the apology, which he later said he must've given "snap or in person" - an evident lie. His response to everything was downright baffling. He even suggested that Jess and Lily had orchestrated the confrontation with an intent to drive a wedge between us. No remorse. No acknowledgment of my emotions. Ironically, he showed me a text he'd sent to Jess the next morning, indicating how enlightening their conversation had been, yet he claimed to have forgotten it. I chose text as the medium for confrontation because I feared he would deny everything outright if we met in person. I wasn't sure I could maintain my composure if he lied to my face. The whole interaction has left me reeling. I felt gaslit and minimized. I had secretly hoped that maybe, just maybe, he was mortified and didn't know how to face me. But his responses shattered that hope. Lily made an observation that really put things into perspective. Throughout the duration of our friendship, Mark seemed to perpetually float between friend groups, typically due to issues revolving around a girl. In one instance, he split from a long-term relationship, and in another, distanced from a group because a girl chose someone else. The only consistent 'friend' he had was someone from Lily and Jess's circle. Here's the kicker: Mark believes they're dating, while she is adamant they aren’t and has no interest in pursuing a relationship with him. She has since severed ties with him as well. I know the popular sentiment might be "you should've seen the signs". And yes, hindsight is 20/20. But I genuinely believed in our friendship. It's hard to accept that what I perceived as genuine might have been contrived. Lastly, to address some comments that have labeled me a "wuss" or "pushover": Empathy and trust in friends aren’t weaknesses. I value relationships and believe in giving the benefit of the doubt. It doesn't make me weak; it makes me human. Everyone has their breaking point, and I've found mine. The silver lining is that he's now out of my life. I've realized that self-respect is paramount. I am fortunate to have someone as supportive as Lily by my side. She's proud of how I managed this ordeal, and contrary to some comments, values my empathy and perspective. We've had deep discussions about this entire situation, and she acknowledges the difficulty of such confrontations. Thanks for listening. Mark is history, and I'm striving to surround myself with authentic, caring individuals. TL;DR: Confronted Mark, felt gaslit. Recognized his pattern of drifting between friend groups. Cutting ties with him and focusing on self-growth and genuine relationships. **OOP HAS COMMENTED IN THE THREAD** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15n1kzf/should_i_confront_my_friend/jvm2fks?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Hey y'all! Oop here. I'm going through these comments as fast as I can, but to clarify, we are all done with him. Hindsight is 20/20, and I have learned a lot about living and a little about love. Idk why some of y'all are so upset with me for having longstanding impacts of childhood trauma, but believe me when I say I understand how I can still grow, and this has been something I've been working on and will continue to. Thanks! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

Should I confront my friend?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15n1kzf/should_i_confront_my_friend/

15n9hio

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/BandicootBrave278 **in** r/AITAH. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!financial abuse, emotional abuse!< mood spoilers: >!initial frustration, realization of dysfunction, seeking support and empowerment!< --- &nbsp; [**40 Weeks Pregnant & Reamed out by partner for spending $35**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14qlwv1/40_weeks_pregnant_reamed_out_by_partner_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, July 04, 2023 My spouse and I split the mortgage and put equal amounts into our down payment. He makes about $45,000 more than I do. We have a shared account for housing purchases but separate personal accounts. I was reluctant to merge our accounts because I feel he can be controlling and didn't want to have my purchases analyzed. I buy the majority of the groceries since I drive around the city getting discounts. He also supports his Mom financially. I feel like I spend more money on groceries than he realizes but we've never nickel & dimed it. He's offered and I admit I've put it off. Fast forward to me being 40 weeks pregnant on a medical leave about to have a significantly reduced income. I am also currently stretched financially since I have a condo that was up for sale. It's been free of tenants and I have been paying that mortgage. Also, we received mostly EVERYTHING we could've ever wanted for our baby from my friend. I also paid for the car seat, change table and nursing chair. My job gifted us an enormous amount of diapers. NOW: We wanted to put floating shelves in the nursery. I ask to use his credit card. Whilst buying the floating shelves, I used his credit card to buy a $35 laundry drying rack. This is where it all unravels. I've expressed wanting a drying rack in the past (we use ski poles to hang items between doors. I climb a chair to balance these sticks. I am thinking of all the laundry I'll be doing with a baby and don't want to be climbing a chair to balance clothing on ski poles). When I expressed wanting to buy one, he said he wants one he can attach to the wall. He's also expressed it not being a priority at this time since my income is reduced (He makes over 100K). I had a feeling this purchase would be an issue so all the other errands I did that day I used my own credit card (i.e. filled gas in my car which we share; bought new batteries for our garage door opener ($15); made copies of our house keys since he asked me to ($15); small groceries ($30) since my Mom is staying with us and he gets cranky when "his" food is eaten). I know I'm being incredibly verbose here but I feel like all these details matter since I truly run myself to my financial limit to avoid his wrath/lectures. When I got home, he demanded I return it. I did return it but I told him he is controlling. We were supposed to go on a date as a final evening before baby; he cancelled that and told me its the "last time he will be sponsoring my shopping habit". This comment pushed me over the edge. I am truly so frugal and spend all my own money. He said I buy things for fun with his credit card. I think I've used his credit card a total of 5-10 times in our five year relationship and its been getting groceries for parties with HIS family. I've NEVER once used his credit card on anything personal. 32 hours later: he tells me he is buying his own car (to dissociate from needing anything from me, I imagine) and he will "never help me financially again and its up to me to figure out how I am going to finance my mat leave". I understand he is stressed and I think his stress comes out in the form of control. He's also a 40 year old man and needs to learn to deal with stress like any other adult in society. I also feel his response was not so much about the $35 but that I bought something "we don't need" that was not preapproved. This time, I refuse to apologize and made it very clear how upset I feel which leads to further escalation. I'm pissed off because this is the kind of support I receive leading into labour. I'm also pissed off because I feel like there is an assumption by his family and friends that I live off his income since we have a beautiful home in a desirable neighbourhood and he has a significantly higher paying job than me. I've never let on that this couldn't be further from the truth. &nbsp; **UPDATE in original post** Beautiful people of Reddit: Thank you, thank you, thankyou. Even writing this out was cathartic for me. I was not expecting such a reply. Reading your reactions helps me realize how toxic and dysfunctional things are. Lots of you told me to move into my condo - it actually did sell so that's not a possibility but the profits from that will help me move on. Moreover, I did have my baby. That has been a gift. My Mom has been at our house helping me; though my partner has been a complete dick to her. She is flabbergasted and feels like I need to GTFO and I have been making too many excuses for him as usual (i.e. "post partum anxiety; obsessive compulsive personality disorder, etc"). At the end of the day, I realize holding empathy for someone who doesn't mirror it back is really not healthy. I did have a conversation with him about our finances and told him what he is doing is financial abuse. Thank you, Reddit community, for illuminating that to me. He did end up buying drying racks that he installed in the wall. He did not apologize for all the drama but expressed wanting those all along and not the one I bought. He also never did buy a car. He does bluff, sometimes; I did not follow up with the car since I did not want to revisit the drama in my post partum state. Some of you suggested, I cut him off from baby right away. This I did not feel okay doing. So far, he has been a very doting Father; in fact, part of his behaviour towards my Mom is being very protective/territorial over our daughter. I can predict this will make separation difficult in the future. I am in conversations with lawyers but also focusing on improving things between us: having a transparent mutual budget and him having to change his reactivity. I don't see myself waiting around for long; I suppose in my mind, I want to know that not only have I reach the end of my rope but I communicated the need for improvement. To those of you that wrote me personal messages and were worried for my safety : thank you for concern and care. You make me feel so much less alone. Though, he can be a major asshole towards me, I have never felt physically threatened. I can see that he commits financial and emotional abuse but I do feel physically safe in my current situation. I know this is not enough for any relationship. I am not trying to diminish other forms of abuse. Moreover, this is not the model I want for my daughter. I know it needs to change and thank you, Reddit Community, for being a catalyst. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

40 Weeks Pregnant & Reamed out by partner for spending $35

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15n9i9t

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/morokanjeli **in** r/TwoXChromosomes. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!harassment, financial difficulties, emotional manipulation, cyberbullying!< mood spoilers: >!Initial distress, relief, progress!< --- &nbsp; [**My roommate is pressuring me into a threesome, and I clearly don't want it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/14r8ezg/my_roommate_is_pressuring_me_into_a_threesome_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, July 05, 2023 My roommate and I have been living together for almost a year now. We're both the same age (23) and have a lot of things in common. At one point we were very close and people even said we look alike. Since both of us were working at a furniture store, it was easier to live together and split the bills. A couple of months ago, everyone was notified on WhatsApp not to report to work till further notice. We later found out our boss had a lot of issues going on and the bank was auctioning some of her property, including the building where the furniture store was at. That's how we both lost our jobs without even being paid the previous month's salary. We never thought it would take this long to get another job. We were both actively searching for jobs online and in person. I didn't know she had started looking for alternative sources and was considering hook ups. So she met this guy, who happened to be a client from our previous workplace and knew both of us. He has some kind of fetish and was asking her if we could have our hair looking the same and put on same outfit. In short he wanted a threesome with us, looking like twins. He was willing to pay atleast $300 for each of us, and my roommate tried to convince me into it. At first I thought, we do it once then just pay some of our debt which will buy us time to clear the rest. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I also don't know how to be intimate with people I have no emotional connection with. And now, my she went from asking me nicely to harassing me saying she'd rather live alone and she'll get me kicked out. Yesterday I found out she's been talking to the landlord on my back. She's forgotten last month I sold some of my stuff so I could buy food for both of us. Normally, both of us would give $380 to budget for rent and other bills each month. Since last month, none of us had paid our share of the rent and by 10th, we would be owing the landlord two months. The landlord knows we both lost our jobs and has been very patient. I don't know what she said for him to threaten to put me out of the house if I don't pay my share on time. She has manipulated the landlord against me and I feel betrayed by her. We're both in the same situation and yet she's only trying to pressure me into agreeing to the threesome. I don't know how I'll get to pay my share, but I am certain this is not what I want. I just don't understand how someone will come up with something like that and just manipulate me to follow through without even considering how I feel about it. What should I do? Should I just avoid her and forget about this or after getting a job just move out? I had already sold most of my stuff just to keep us going, and now when I'm on my lowest she's turning against me. I have nothing against sex work, it's just something I can't get myself to do. I care about her as a sister but I feel like this time she really went out of line. &nbsp; [**UPDATE: My roommate is forcing me into a threesome.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/14xhoc7/update_my_roommate_is_forcing_me_into_a_threesome/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, July 12, 2023 Hi guys, I posted how my roommate was pressuring me into a threesome. I read most of the comments and I decided to tell the landlord how she was manipulating me and everything that was happening. He eventually believed me and confronted her. I know this is evil, but she turned on me first and being open with the landlord he agreed to give me more time. I also have a job interview coming up, if everything goes well I might be having a job next week. There were people who were genuinely worried about me, so I had to let them know I didn't go through with it. And I wasn't kicked out, at least for now. Aside from that, I also got messages from a lot of men. I know men are allowed in this sub, but I have to say that kind of post attracted some creeps and I got a lot of chat requests asking weird stuff. One even asked to pay for videos, I declined and he told me I must have a potato body to not want to show myself even with my face hidden. Like I said I have nothing against sex work, I just can't bring myself to do it. People messaging me how morals can't pay bills and I should just sell the p***y. I don't know what to say, coz I don't want to be rude or offend anyone. Considering everything I have to say as much as there are nice people in here, there are also bullies. And if you have nothing kind to say to someone, just ignore their post. Some of us have our own issues and this is the only safe space we could come to vent. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My roommate is pressuring me into a threesome, and I clearly don't want it

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15n9iyd

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/Mysterious-Ruin- **in** r/TrueOffMyChest. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!domestic violence, stalking, harassment!< mood spoilers: >!fear, relief and empowerment!< --- &nbsp; [**I ran from my abusive ex and I think he found me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14qenhi/i_ran_from_my_abusive_ex_and_i_think_he_found_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Tue, July 04, 2023 I f(27) ran from my abusive ex when I was 4 months pregnant. I got into a different state. I legally changed my name and I didn’t name my child the name we had agreed on. He didn’t know my social or my ID number. The only way he had of tracking me down was my name but that was gone, long gone. I had sign into domestic violence safe haven shelters to get into my own place and find a job. I had built a great life for me and my child. I had planned running from him for a little over a year bc it felt like my only way out, he would always find me and drag me back. He made it out to if I don’t take my depression meds I act out and tried to harm myself. The police ended up believing him and became of no help. They brushed off all 4 of my DV calls as simple disagreements. I had saved up just a little over 10k in an bank account my mom had set up to help me get away and come to her so he wouldn’t find out about how much money I really had. My dad helped mostly by putting in a lot more then what I could. He would get suspicious and ask where all my money was going and I would pass it off as bills. In my new town I’ve made very few people aware of my situation, it’s people that could help if something was to happen. These pass 2 months I’ve been being watched by someone unknown. He’s always wearing a baseball cap and sun glasses but I could swear on my life it’s my ex. I ended up leaving work a few times due to having panic attacks from seeing the guy. He never interacts with me, only my coworkers. He waits until I’m out of ear shot to speak to order and he gives different names for his orders. My coworkers have thought it was strange bc he comes in almost every other week for a week straight for the pass 2 months using different names. After this I went to the police station to speak to one of the people I made friends with and is aware of my situation. He said he would have patrol officers drive by my house and keep a look out. I never seen him around my house or drive by it. I started getting letters in the mail that is from I believe is from him. No one signs them with their name. The envelope only ever has my old name and new address on it. The letters consist of him saying I love you and miss you. It never goes into detail about who is writing them. I took them to the police station to the one I’m friends with. He told me I need to find another place to stay for awhile and file for a restraining order. I made a fake account and messaged one of my old friends. They said they was glad to hear from me, they are glad I’m ok, and that he’s been trying to report us as missing which I had already knew. That he’s still there working his old job but he does go on week long trips and nobody knows where he’s going on them. What’s keeping us from becoming a missing person’s case is my mom. Police had contact her and she told them everything. She showed them proof that I was in fact alive and doing well. She explain why I ran but she said she wouldn’t disclose my location. They ended up contacting me to confirm the story my mom gave them. The police finally after all this time believed me. They asked me if I wanted to come back to file charges or a restraining order. I told them no I want to stay where I’m at and to stay as far as I can from him. Yesterday I had missed my mailman and he left a slip that I need to sign for a letter. I haven’t order or request anything to have to sign for. I’m not on any government benefits or having any court case going on. I reactivated the fake Facebook and message my old friend again. She said she hasn’t heard anything but she’ll ask. I keep it active and she messaged me early this morning. She said that there is some talk that he knows where I’m at and he’s thinking about going to court and take me for custody. I asked her if I would get it via mail and would have to sign for it. She said she isn’t sure that’ll I would have to ask the post office. I left the letter there all day yesterday at the post office instead of calling them and going to get it. I don’t think I want to go pick it up. I don’t want to face the possible truth that he has found me. I don’t want to go back to that town. I don’t want to go back to my old life. I don’t want to relive the nightmare I had finally escape. I don’t know what to do at this point. &nbsp; **Edit:** I just want to say thank you first for all the kind words and advice you all have gave me. After I made this post I went to work. When I got to work they said a guy came in looking for me, they described my ex. They kept telling him I don’t work there and if he comes back in they’ll have him arrested cause apparently he threw a big fit when they said I don’t work there. I was given permission to leave to seek legal help. I went to my friend that’s a cop and got me in contact with a few lawyers. I had spoken to one and he’s taking my case. He filed stalking, harassment, and domestic violence against him. He has also filed a CPO. They issued an warrant and cops are combing the area to find him. They all have his picture and name, they aren’t going to stop until they have him in custody. I sat and cried bc this has been my life for the pass 4 almost 5 years since I ran that he’s trying to ruin. Where I live they rule in favor of the mother when it comes to domestic violence. Apparently since I left he was with someone that file charges against him for domestic violence and it got dropped. Thank you so for all the kind words and advice, I have appreciated it beyond the words I could say. &nbsp; [**UPDATE- I ran from my abusive ex and I think he found me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/150eltq/update_i_ran_from_my_abusive_ex_and_i_think_he/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Sat, July 15, 2023 Here is the long-awaited update. He was caught that late night/early morning when he ran a stoplight heading back home. He was processed and sat in his cell, waiting to appear in front of the judge on his warrant for domestic violence, which was that following Thursday. When he was arrested and processed, they served him the CPO. As he was being processed, he obviously got a call. He had called his dad and told him everything. His dad told him he didn't raise a woman beater, and he wasn't bailing him out. They also saw he had another warrant that had been issued a few days prior back home. Apparently, the girl he was with left him while he was away and pressed domestic violence charges against him as well. I'm not sure what they'll do with him now that he has charges in 2 different places or how that will work. He had to appear in front of the judge on Thursday and said they were holding him on a $100,000 bond because they considered him dangerous and an extreme flight risk. He sat there until the following Tuesday when he was released to the other police department that they had contacted to let them know. He is now currently up there, waiting for his bond to be set. They said he's most likely not getting one from them but will sit there. He was made to serve 30 days in jail on his warrant back home. Cops had said he probably won't be let loose pending both trials due to the circumstances surrounding his case and him being extremely dangerous while being a flight risk. They are going to do their best to keep him in jail until his convictions in both cases. He has a CPO issued against him in both. I asked them to keep my name redacted out of everything just in case this breaks to the media. I have purchased a gun, bear spray, and other forms of protection. We have moved and are still in contact with the cop that I was friends with. For the first time in a long time, I finally feel free and I can live without fear. Sorry for making you guys wait for an update. &nbsp; [**Update 2: I ran from my abusive ex and I think he found me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15afwse/update_2_i_ran_from_my_abusive_ex_and_i_think_he/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - Wed, July 26, 2023 I heard today that they have found witnesses to his abuse that can account for the other girl’s abuse. Since this came to light he has change his plea in both cases to guilty. They aren’t going to have a trial for either of the cases just a court date for sentencing. I believe he knew he was fucked when witnesses was mentioned. He has gotten sloppy with his abuse the last few years. I hope he rots! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I ran from my abusive ex and I think he found me

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15nerqj

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/junkyarddag **in** r/AskReddit. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* content warnings: >!Discussion of Violence in War, War-Related Distress!< mood spoilers: >!Suspense, Reflection!< --- &nbsp; *This is one of those unconventional BoRUs. The post is a comment on a question asked in r/AskReddit. In this post, OOP is the person that made the comment. Post has been edited to improve readability* **QUESTION: What is the most controversial thing you own?** [**ANSWER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/s6lykp/comment/ht4sk4e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Tue, Jan 18, 2022 (Morning)* A small diary/journal written in Japanese with small letters also in Japanese inside. My grandfather fought in WW2 in the Pacific. He gave the journal to my father before he died. He said it was from a Japanese officer that he killed. My father said he was very shaken and seemed deeply disturbed by the memory. He made my father promise that he would never look to return the journal to the family or try to look into it. My father has now passed, and I have the journal. It creeps me out. Wtf. &nbsp; *All Updates were added to the original comment* ####**UPDATE 1:** Never had a post with so many hits, thanks to all for your interest (and the jokes are hysterical). Many people asked what it says; I have no idea. It could be anything from a personal journal to a grocery list. I’ve never had it translated. I haven’t had it out in years. I’ve always just kind of avoided it. Many years before my dad passed, I asked him if we should try to have it returned to the family, and he was uncharacteristically serious about no, as he promised his father. From what I understand, my grandfather was a cook with the CeeBees (forgive my military ignorance, I think that’s the division’s nickname) somewhere in the Pacific theater. Something weird happened with this Japanese soldier as my grandfather wasn’t a front-line type. My father said his dad always got real weird/freaked out about it. I probably should investigate and return it, but I've always been hesitant because: A. It definitely feels like the start of a horror/revenge movie where I get some dude hunting me to avenge his grandpappy and B. The whole awkwardness of “Hi, how’s Japan? I love sushi. Btw my granddad killed and possibly tortured your granddad. Here’s some stuff he stole from him.” But you have all inspired me to pull it out later and investigate. I will post a second update with more details or pics of it later after I get home from work. ***hawkeyeisnotlame Replied OOP's Comment*** I'm sure many other people have replied this so far, but I'll try to contribute. Your grandfather was probably in the Navy's Construction Battalion (CB aka. SeaBees), which was an extremely important role in the Pacific war. Every time we landed on an island, we'd have to start fortifying our position, and frequently we'd have to build and maintain an airstrip on said island. That was the role of the Seabees. Keep in mind on islands like Guadalcanal and Bougainville, the front lines were often only a couple dozen yards past the limit of the jungle on the edge of the beach/airstrip. The Japanese defenders frequently (but not always) were at a firepower disadvantage if they tried to attack the American lines head-on during daytime, so frequently they'd try and probe the Allied lines for gaps or weak points during the night in order to infiltrate through the lines and attack the American rear. That's possibly how your grandfather was put in the position of having to fight for his life. It's impossible to say for sure; PLENTY of times the Marine/Army defenders would be so shorthanded for dudes they'd throw anyone who could hold a rifle into a foxhole so they could watch the line. That also could've been the sort of thing that brought your grandfather into harm's way. There are plenty of records of desperate Japanese Banzai charges and extremely fierce hand-to-hand fighting even among rear echelon troops. I can't say with certainty, but I'd bet my lunch your grandfather didn't torture anyone. He probably thought he'd be building an airstrip on some god-forsaken jungle rock in the Pacific. When he got there, they slapped a rifle in his hand and pointed at a foxhole and said "You're pulling watch on the line tonight." At some point, the Japanese probed the line, and he saw movement just outside his foxhole. He shot at it. In the morning, he realized that the movement was another person. This messed you up, particularly if you aren't expecting it. But your Grandfather almost certainly was defending his life or the lives of the guys around him. Seabees are badasses; they were often put in really austere places and asked to do the impossible. You should be proud of him (not implying that you aren't lmao) ***OOP Replied*** Thanks man. Really awesome information. I’m going to pull all the stuff out later after work and check it out. Will report what I find. Again, thanks for your contribution, it’s actually the most informative I’ve had. After you mentioned I think he was in Guadalcanal, that rang a bell from the minimal stories I heard after he died. I was only 5 when he passed (at a very young 60) so so never knew much about him. &nbsp; ####**UPDATE 2** *8PM Tue, Jan 18, 2022* As promised, I got home from work and pulled everything out. Over time, some of it has gotten mixed in with his other war stuff (I have a whole box of pics, newspapers, flags, etc.), so it’s hard to tell exactly what all went with the journals. But here’s what I have with as much detail as I can provide: Journal 1: Small (about the size of a pack of baseball cards). Pages are lined like a notebook; the first 3 pages are written in handwriting, presumably Japanese. Very neat printing and held up well despite age. I will try Google Translate with a photo, as some of you suggested, and post if it works to translate any of it. Journal 2: Slightly larger, leatherbound. Printing on the cover in Japanese (embossed). Inside front cover is a map of North America, South America, and Europe. Inside back cover, a map of Asia. Inside the next page seems to have 4 printed photos with Japanese printed words in the middle. Photos of a bunch of men with female dolls, a group praying to a bridge in the distance, a military lineup, and a pile of packages that look like shoe box-sized. Next page, printed Japanese writing large, like a title page. The next 5 pages have printed Japanese on them, not handwritten; a few pages look like a calendar. I’m guessing this was officially issued. The rest of this book is blank pages, except tucked in between some pages is a torn piece of paper with Japanese printing on it. Again, maybe a prayer. Tucked in one of the journals, now no longer in were a bunch of small photos (size of a small post-it). Mostly military shots. Men in uniform. There are three that stand out. 1 is a family: 7 women, a baby, and an older man. It has Japanese writing on the back. Another is a close-up of a man in uniform (maybe the owner), and the third is of a Japanese man in a suit wearing eyeglasses. There is also a metal sign, all in Japanese writing (I assume); it looks like it was ripped off a wall or something. Then a few more harsh pics (doubt they were with the journals originally): one of a bunker full of dead Japanese soldiers and one of an American GI barefoot holding a Japanese soldier's head back reads “Vanza and head of imperial Japanese marine note hole in japs head Guadalcanal.” The final piece seems to be a homemade picture album. About 20 pages, normal-sized paper, bound at the top with string, Japanese writing printed on the cover, and a tab of paper taped on with Japanese handwriting. Inside are pages of small pictures taped with Japanese handwriting under each. I think it’s handwriting at least, but it’s so neatly written it’s hard to tell. The photos appear mainly of military scenes. I think that’s all that is related to the journals. Everything else seems to be newspapers and pictures of our GIs and my grandfather. I will try Google Translate with the journals and post an update later again if that works. I will also try to figure out how to post a few pictures of the journals and stuff. Thanks again to everyone who commented and reached out. Even those who seemed angry or pissed at me. I’ve really just tried not to think about the stuff because of the promise my father made. I’ll post another update. ####**UPDATE 3** I cannot figure out how to post photos to this thread. If anyone can tell me how, please do. I won’t post the severed head or dead body shots because those are pretty aggressive. ####**FINAL UPDATE** Thanks for everyone’s comments, posts, etc. Based on advice provided by some of you, I have reached out to the Obon Society, a nonprofit that tries to reconnect personal materials from war to their owners. I have also provided some of the journal pages to someone who I hope can do some translation. Again, thanks to everyone who chimed in on both sides of the “debate” and all the comedy. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

OOP has the journal of a Japanese soldier from WW2 passed down from grandfather

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ParadoxicalState

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15nes9j

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/aitafriend00000 **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: NONE mood spoilers: >!conflict, emotional resolution!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA for not letting my friend live in my spare room?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i2dhv3/aita_for_not_letting_my_friend_live_in_my_spare/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, Aug 02, 2020* So I have this friend ‘Bill’, and we’ve been friends since we were kids and we are now both 30. He’s one of my closest friends, and we normally have a great relationship. When I was 19, I moved away from our hometown, went to uni, did some travelling, and have now settled in a town several hours away. I have a good job, great friends- I’m pretty settled. Two years ago my great uncle died and left me some money, and since then I’ve been saving as much as possible and I now have enough for a house deposit, which I’m pretty thrilled about. I’ve started looking for places and I’m hoping to buy a two bed flat in the town I live in. Bill has not done so great; he still lives with his parents in our hometown and has worked in the same supermarket for years. I have no issue with this but sadly Bill is miserable because he hates his job, hates living with his parents, and is generally unhappy. For several years I tried to encourage Bill to move out, and I offered him to move in with me (rent free) for a couple of months so he could get himself together. Bill always declined, and I probably stopped mentioning it about 3/4 years ago. So the situation: Bill knew I’d been left this money by my uncle, but a week ago we were chatting on the phone and I was telling him about viewing a flat soon. Bill straight up asked me if he could live in my spare room whenever I purchased my placed. We haven’t talked about it in so long, so I basically said I would think about it and let him know. Bill seemed pretty unhappy by this (I think he was expecting me to not hesitate) but said he hoped I made up my mind soon. A few days ago, I called Bill back and said unfortunately I don’t think it’d be a good idea and he was so angry but also sad, it was horrible. The conversation was pretty long but he basically accused me of ‘lying’ to him, when I offered he could live me, and said I was a terribly unsupportive friend ect. ect. The thing is, I was like 24-26 when I offered Bill my sofa, but life is different now. I have a girlfriend, a goddaughter who I want to sleep over lots, and now I’m a bit older I just don’t want to share my living space. Also, I hadn’t said anything to Bill about living together in years and he’d never mentioned it. I feel really bad about this situation and when I spoke to a mutual friend, she just said it would be nice for me to let Bill stay with me for a bit, but otherwise ‘didn’t want to get involved’ in the argument. I feel like such an arse but AITA? ####**Top Comment** *Of course you’re NTA. People on Reddit are going to tell you he’s entitled and you should drop him, etc etc. But, my view of truth is, it sounded like he just banked the idea that he’d always have the option of living with you if things got really bleak. They likely are, but life has also moved on so, you’re not in the position to make the same offer. There is no problem in that. Friendships lie and grow in these difficult situations. He probably can’t see beyond his pain and frustration at the world right now. However, I’d recommend you let him know you’re always going to be his friend and hopefully, once he’s in a place to see beyond the hurt, you can pick up your friendship.* ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: AITA for not letting my friend live in my spare room?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ik8gs1/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_friend_live_in_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Mon, Aug 31, 2020* I wasn’t sure whether to post an update, but actually this sub really helped me. However, judging by the responses I got, I’m not sure whether anyone will like what happened! I first had a conversation with my girlfriend, we’ve only been together a year and I’m buying the flat completely on my own, but there was certainly a suggestion that she might move in with me depending on how things go in the next few months or so. She was (and generally is) pretty wonderful, and she’s also met Bill and knows what he means to me. She said if I wanted to offer him my spare room for a few months then I should go for it. Then Bill. I won’t go into too much detail but I laid it all out for him. I basically said that I didn’t want a roommate and that now that I was in a relationship, my privacy was even more important to me. I said that it was important Daisy (my goddaughter) also felt at home in my place, so the spare room was basically going to be hers. I then said that he was one of my closest friends and I’d do anything for him if I could. I said that he could move in with me, rent free, for three months, providing he got a job and saved up some money to rent a room somewhere after. We ironed out a few more details but that was the general gist. It was really emotional, Bill kept apologising and we both cried- but it was a good conversation. The reason why I wanted to update is because u|brecollier wrote this comment, which was downvoted: *NAH but these are the times I hate this sub because the bar is so low. No you aren’t an AH, but you have the opportunity to change a close friend’s life. None of those are good reasons why you can’t, they are reasons why you don’t want to. You should do better than not being an AH and be a really good human and let him come live with you.* I really appreciated all the responses to my post, but they did initially make me righteously angry, if that makes sense? Through my N-T-A validation, I was kind of getting annoyed at Bill, thinking ‘what right did he have to my home, and how dare he be mad about an offer I made 4 years ago’. And then I read the above comment and suddenly thought, yeah, he’s got no right to be mad at me but if he really is one of my best friends, then surely I should help him if I can? And the fact is, I totally can. So there you go, Bill will be moving into my new place, and in the meantime I’m gonna help him rewrite his CV so he can start to look for jobs in my town. Maybe this is a bad decision, and this sub has certainly made me realise I don’t owe him anything, but it still feels like the right thing to do. Thanks Reddit! &nbsp; ####**EDIT:** Holy crap guys! I did not expect so many replies/comments! Thank you to everyone who replied, and especially thanks to the lovely person who messaged offering support for Bill to write a cover letter. Just to clarify, I'm a girl, not a guy :) I do appreciate the people warning me not to do this but my mind is made up and I really think it's the right decision. I understand it may not work out but I believe in Bill, and our friendship, and know he wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt me. If I'm allowed, I'll write an update in 3/6 months (not sure how the rules of updates work in this sub?) and hopefully I can give you all good news! **OOP added in the comments** *Tue, Sep 01, 2020* *Just to say my girlfriend is 100% supportive and doesn't live with me at the moment- but hopefully she will in the future if I don't mess anything up :P I think my goddaughter will be fine, I'm seeing her today and will talk to her about it. I'm going to tell she can paint the room any colour she wants when Bill moves out and I think that'll be enough to keep her happy 'cause she's only 7 :)* ***OOP tried to make a final update a year after the first update but it was removed by the mods and her account has been inactive since then*** &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for not letting my friend live in my spare room?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15nes9j/aita_for_not_letting_my_friend_live_in_my_spare/

15nesrf

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/polygirl1991 **in** r/polyamory. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!confusion and realization, confrontation!< --- &nbsp; ###[**Realized the man I’m currently with is cheating on his fiancé**](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/110e8vk/realized_the_man_im_currently_with_is_cheating_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, Feb 12, 2023* I’m currently lying next to a sleeping man in my hotel room, a surgeon I met a few weeks ago, and I just figured out that he’s engaged. Getting married in 2 weeks. And didn’t tell me. No mention of a fiancée at all. In fact, he told me a few hours ago that he was going to visit family on the east coast in two weeks…no mention of a wedding in Cancun in 13 days. He has been using a fake name with me (I had suspected this for a while) but I saw his real name on his Tesla screen while we drove to dinner earlier in evening. It’s an unusual name, similar to the one he gave me, so it wasn’t hard to find him online. I searched his real name while in the bathroom about an hour ago, while he was asleep and besides finding his LinkedIn and other social media, I found his wedding registry and wedding page. Should I tell his fiancée? I found her on Instagram and linkedin. To complicate things, we live about 2 hours away and I offered to visit him one day this weekend and said I would meet with clients in the area to make it a work trip, to justify the cost of a hotel etc. He offered to pay for the hotel and initially I said it wasn’t necessary, as I make good money during my business trips but frankly, I’ve had some cancellations this weekend and won’t make quite enough to cover the 2 days at this relatively nice hotel. He spent over $100 on dinner for us but I kinda want to take him up on him paying for part of the hotel (just the one night he was here.). Is that bad to do if I’m considering telling his fiancée later, after we part ways? I feel sick to my stomach about the whole thing. Have been up all night, unable to sleep. My plan is: pretend like nothing is wrong until we check out together (he made it clear he wants to check out of the hotel with me, most likely so he can pay), text him after we’ve left and tell him what I know, message his fiancée on Instagram from a throwaway account (send screenshots of his Feeld profile), and of course never see him again. Does this make sense? I don’t want to confront him in person because I don’t know what he’s capable of. ####**Edit:** This is getting even weirder. I looked up his Instagram and his fiancée is following him but he’s not following her. And her default pic is of her at her bachelorette party, posing with the words “bride to be.” &nbsp; *All Updates were added to original post* ###**UPDATE:** I told him I needed to go home early and he asked if he could take a shower before we left and I said that that was fine. I tried to be cordial but I’m sure my icy eyes gave me away. He seemed to get progressively more uncomfortable the longer we interacted. We walked down to the lobby together and then after offering to pay for my valet expenses (to which I said he didn’t need to worry about that) he then said “see you later”, kissed me on the cheek, and went to get his car from valet. He then came back in once he found out that his valet was charged to my card and assured me he would pay me for that. I asked him if he has Venmo and he said he did so I said I’d send him my username (it’s not my real name.) and then he left. Sooooooo I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna get reimbursed for any of the hotel or even his valet expense. I’ve made a fake Instagram account and will message his fiancée soon. &nbsp; ###**UPDATE 2:** She was not consenting to this or aware of it. She handled it so gracefully, thanked me and told me I was a good person. I’m heartbroken for her and pretty fucking pissed at him. She and I actually had a pretty long conversation after she confronted him. Apparently he told her this was his version of a bachelor party 🙄 she kicked him out of the house. I encouraged her to dump his ass, reminding her of her worth, and it seems like she might be moving in that direction, thank God. We actually seemed to get along so well that I kinda wish we could be friends lol. And, just for shits and giggles…I decided to get some closure/reclaim my power by sending him a venmo request for his portion of the valet. The funny thing is that last night at dinner, I had made a joke about him needing to repent (it’s a long story) without having any idea he was actually cheating on his fiancée. So my venmo request said: “guess I was right about you needing to repent. Paying for the valet would be a step in the right direction but you’ve got a fucking long way to go. Have fun in Cancun”. He eventually completed the request. I really didn’t expect him to, so now I’m kinda wishing I charged him for the hotel room for one night as well. Oh well. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Realized the man I’m currently with is cheating on his fiancé

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15nesrf/realized_the_man_im_currently_with_is_cheating_on/

15nf9xf

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Leialegnocchi **in** r/weddingshaming *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* This is a fun post about a wedding guest describing a quickly pulled together Paris wedding. It had a small update the day before the wedding weekend, and a full update after the wedding weekend. All updates were in the original post as per Wedding Shaming's rules.   [**Tacky wedding from start to finish in 2 weeks**](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/156wjwh/tacky_wedding_from_start_to_finish_in_2_weeks/) \- July 22, 2023 My husband and I are invited to a wedding in 2 weeks time and it is the most unorganised and weird thing ever, we're a couple of friends attending and had all a call today to have a wtf session as we're all equally confused. So let me tell you about it. (updates at the end) This wedding is in a week in Paris, we're all from France originally but from different parts of France, and all currently living and working abroad. So the location selection was a first odd choice as Paris is renown to be really expensive and defo never a first choice from 'provincial' people like us. But whatever. We then never received official save the dates or invites, but we're just invited into a WhatsApp group to give us the details. Hmm, ok... We're told the wedding will be at the townhall on the Saturday morning at 9, and then to meet them for lunch on a boat they've rented at 1pm but to find ourselves what to do with ourselves between the wedding and lunch. Then told that the 'lunch' is actually just snacks and a few drinks, buffet style, and that we're 'encouraged' to bring drinks if we want something other than beers and soft drinks. The boat is then only rented until 8pm and after that, everyone has to go home. This, is very unheard of at a French wedding. A wedding without a party is not really one. But whatever, we've then planned with a few others to go to a restaurant together afterwards as the newlyweds will spend their first married evening and night together. But this doesn't end there. We've then been told (actually only my husband was told on a separate whatsapp group..) that we were also required on the Sunday for the actual wedding ceremony. Ah nice. But for real, the plan is to have 80 people joining them to a local park in Paris, with no reservation or booking or anything. Everyone has to bring their own lunch/sandwiches, towels and drinks for a pic-nic. Ah, and they also want us to come well dressed (semi formal) to take pictures together (hmmm, ruining my heels and dress at a pic nic? No thank you) That doesn't end here. My husband (who's really good friend with the groom) has then been asked this week (yes, 2 weeks away from the wedding) to be the flower boy (cringe. We're all in our mid 30s) and to also prep a speech with the other boys, and to come early to the 'ceremony' to help set up. At this stage I'm just absolutely flabbergasted. If it were a budget issue, I would 100% understand, however, the bride and groom are two of the most well off people I know, they own multiple houses and never had any financial issues. So to me, this feels so incredibly tacky, to ask people to fly over and spend a whole weekend with them in one of the most expensive cities in Europe, to not feed them or even provide any sort of entertainment. I'm also really considering the gift (as they're going back home right after they've asked only cash gift to not have to bother with physical gifts) and I'm honestly thinking of just giving them the bare minimum like 50e from the both of us (husband and I) as traditionally the gift is supposed to pay for your dinner. But here there's none. My husband and his friends group have tried to talk to him and he just feels that we don't get their 'vision' and that they just want to do something unique. But at what cost? Regretting having accepted this invite now! But will update to let you know how it's actually gone once done and over.   Update #1 - July 28, 2023 &#x200B; ***Small updates:*** This is the day before, we have received this afternoon the following news (still on the WhatsApp - BTW which is a community channel, not a group, so we can't even reply): \*They asked in the group if anyone present for the Sunday picnic could bring bluetooth speakers with them. \*They changed 3 times the exact location of the picnic within the parc. But great, we're now close to the public toilets! (/s) \*They gave 3 people's numbers in the group to contact if we had any questions / issues during the day. One of them was not even invited in the group and found out because we jokingly texted him that hopefully he has more answers than the bride and groom. He was also never asked to do this and had no more clue than any of us what the hell is going on. His only thing is that he's from Paris, so maybe the bride and groom thought he could help with directions? \*We were told for tomorrow to be dressed semi-formal for the civil wedding (fair enough), but to also bring either a change of clothes or accessories to match the theme of the afternoon 'dare to be fun'. Lol. \*We were originally told there would be a shuttle of some kind between the townhall and the boat (as in complete opposite sides of Paris), we then we're told to find our own way there by, and I quote, 'scooter, bike, or uber' \*They sent a video of the 'boat' as a teaser (I won't share it to still keep some kind of privacy) and honestly, it's just an old barge / houseboat that looks absolutely not cool in any way, shape or form. \*They actually confirmed they'll be bringing some snacks on Sunday "for the first to arrive" and so the others were "welcome to bring their own food and drinks, and share if they wish".   Update #2 - August 1, 2023 &#x200B; Hi everyone and welcome back to the update you were all waiting for! Sorry, tried to create a new post just for the update but got deleted by the mods. # The update: This wedding was just as expected, cheap and tacky. Thank god we met there with a few friends we hadn’t seen in a long time, so we were stil able to spend a nice weekend by all staying together. But if we had been there on our own, we would definitely had not stayed over this long. Now onto the update. See below recap of the 2 days. Before getting into the details of the days, just want to mention that all the different activities were hosted in complete different locations within the city (Paris). For those who don’t know Paris, it’s a big city and always with a lot of traffic. So going from one side to another can take over an hour. All had to be done in taxi/uber. We prob spent over €150 just in transports. **Day 1** We were to join them to the Townhall at 10am for start of the wedding at 10.30. Arrived there at 9.45, no one there, fine. Grabbed a coffee next door. 10.15, still no sign of the bride and groom. 10.30, they arrive, start to mingle, say hi to everyone, but don’t seem to be rushed in anyway. We then learn the wedding isn’t starting until 11.30, but they wanted to make sure everyone was there on time…. 11.25, we’re invited to enter the townhall, civil wedding starts. 11.45, we’re done and outside. We do a few group pictures in front of the townhall, and then are told we’ll be walking a bit further away (10/15mins) to go take pictures in a park nearby. We arrive to the park. First problem, it had been pissing rain for the past 3 days, rendering the whole park muddy as heck. All the ladies in heels and stilettos were struggling to stay upright. They then take pictures with all the groups, friends and family. This lasts an hour. In the sun with no shade. No drinks, not even water is provided. Everyone’s sweating away. 1pm, we’re told that we can now all go to the official wedding location, to the “boat”. Originally, we were all told there would be a shuttle organised, but this never happened. All tried to find taxis / ubers to get there, as no public transport would have been an easy option (ie. having to take 3x different buses). The taxi takes us 45mins to get to the boat. 60 quids. Great (/s). 1.45pm we arrive to the boat, somehow before the bride and groom. The boat is actually a houseboat on the river, and someone’s actual home that they just rent out for the day from time to time. There’s no decoration or anything and a bunch of personal items all around, as this is someone’s home (whom we’ll call “the captain” for the rest of that story). As the bride and groom are not there yet, some of the bride’s family start to blow and attach balloons as well as some garlands. There are also no tables or chairs, just one couch in the ‘living room’. The ‘captain’ is also staying there apparently, so we have that random 50yo dude hanging around. 2pm, the couple arrives on the boat, but things are still being “set up”, so everyone is waiting around, chatting to each other. Everyone is super thirsty and cannot wait to get a drink. 2.15pm, the groom says “everyone come get a drink” and we see that the living room has now a bar set up with 3 bottles of champagne, 5 of prosecco, 1 bottle of white wine, 1 of red, 16 cans of beers. There was also 1 bottle of rum, a few bottles of coke zero, sparkling water, and fruit juice. To recap, we were 35 people, and this was meant to last us until 9pm. I can confirm that no one got drunk, and we ran out of drinks quite quickly in the afternoon. As for the “food”, they had pulled up a table and served some ‘amuse-bouche’ / finger food / bites. These were really tasty and quite ‘fancy’ but defo not enough for everyone to feel full. The afternoon kept going, still no chairs or tables. The older people (like parents of bride/groom) were defo getting tired. Then throughout the afternoon they had organised a couple of games. (although, they did not organise them as they asked a friend of ours to do so). One of them was a quizz on the bride and groom, one was a sort of enigma/escape game (which was really the highlight of the day - but again organised and lead by a friend of ours), and then they had a friend of them playing guitar/singing for an hour. All the while the captain was hanging around with everyone. Then came the time of the speeches from the family. This lasted for an hour, again, all standing up looking at everyone talking. At 6pm, they served sheet cakes. Then nothing really happened until 8/8.30pm. As we were told we were going to be kicked out by 9pm, we had planned with our group of friends to leave by 8/8.30 so that we could still have time to go to a restaurant ; however, around 8pm, the groom said that he was trying to negotiate with the captain to allow us to stay on longer. They managed to do so until 11.30pm. However, no food at all was served as dinner. They had said “we may order pizzas” but never happened. We got home at 12pm and had to uber eat as we were STARVING. Also, as the captain hadn’t planned to originally have us intil then, some of his own friends showed up at around 10pm and were just hanging around with us. Weird. Also between 9.30-11.30pm, the groom decided to play a mix set of techno (he mixed himself live) - but like, no one had nothing to drink and we were all exhausted from staying standing up all day, it was just awkward. Also, random add-on here, but they had asked people to bring a change of clothes for the day, as in semi-formal for the wedding, and then something “fun and daring” for the boat party. Only 1 couple did so, and both dressed up in japanese kimono. The bride and all her family are chinese….. \#Awkward **Day 2:** The 2 days before the wedding were filled with whastapp messages in different groups regarding loads of last minutes changes and add-ons. For example, the day before, the groom asked in one of the groups if people could bring bluetooth speakers for the ceremony… Or they sent a picture of themselves in front of 2 trees and said “this is where we’ll meet up”.. All guests (80 people including kids and dogs) were asked to show up at 12, and that the ceremony would start at 1pm. So husband and I showed up at about 12.10pm at the mentioned location, and no sign of the couple of guests. Texted friends to learn that some had shown up at 11.30 to see no one and that the park was getting busy, so they decided to take the lead and secure an area. They still had to ask people to leave as there was not once space under tree shade that was free really. For those who don’t remember, we were also asked to bring our own food and drinks and were ‘encouraged’ to share as well (LOL). It was also meant to be pissing rain with no plan B, but lucky for them, they had a nice enough weather all weekend long (not deserved though..) Couple arrived at 12.30, in the meantime, some guests helped putting up some decorations on the tree. The bride showed up in a summer dress, the groom in shorts, runners and hawaiian shirt. They then start prepping the “ceremony area” with some balloons, while they tell people to start eating. There are no chairs, none. People are meant to sit on the ground to eat, and stand during the ceremony. Friends, husband and I sat together and shared our food and drinks while the prepped kept going in the background. Then we’re given the go ahead to come stand in a semi-circle around the couple (seating in chairs while the rest of us stands). My husband was still asked to be the ‘flower girl’ despite his complaints, and they added a flower crown on his head. He was not happy and pretty much was eyerolling the whole time. Too bad for their nice pictures. One of our friends was the officiant and did a great job with what little info and guidance he was given. But then, speeches started again. When organising the ceremony, the officiant had reached out to friends and family of both sides to ask if they wanted to make a speech, very little people said they would, so he had asked my husband if he could speak as a favour. Turns out that 5mins before the ceremony, he is told that 8 more people will be speaking afterall. This lasted an hour and half!!! And honestly, after the speeches from the day before, there is only so much more that can be said about the couple. We get it. She’s smart, he’s fun. She loves yoga, he loves tech. And if I hear one more joke with “I asked chat GPT to write my speech, no no I’m joking ahaha” I’ll kill someone. But also, standing an hour and half to listen to boring speeches, while bugs were dropping from the trees on us was just a nightmare. Kids were getting super frustrated as well, poor things. The officiant even made a joke about how he could see some people getting weak in the knees and so could sit down - “ah but oh no, the chairs haven’t arrived yet”. The face of the couple was absolutely priceless. Loved having them getting a bit of shade. Then they did the exchange of the rings, and the groom had organised a little ‘prank’ on his wife, which thought would be fun… He had a friend of his bring the rings in a little pouch, attached to a few helium filled balloons. They then ‘pretended’ to let go of the balloons and they obviously flew away with the wind with the supposed rings. The bride and most people were kind of horrified. And he let that joke go for a good 5mins, leaving the bride panicking about their rings and him saying it’s just material things and accidents happen. Then another friend came up and said that was a joke ahah, here are the rings (eyeroll). Ceremony ended, and we all went back to our blankets to finish our sandwiches, and then they finally came around with the “food” they had promised. We each got 1 cherry, 1 apricot and 1 piece of the sheet cake leftover from the day before. Cool cool. We then had a train to catch so didn’t stay much longer, but they apparently did another game in the afternoon, and a group pic with a drone and that was it. From speaking to the family of both bride and groom over the 2 days, we know that they were all pretty disappointed with the weekend as well. So that was it. Defo won’t be participating to their wedding fund there or sending a gift. Still don’t understand what is wrong with them, and our friend group and us have all decided to take a break from the couple for at least a few months as we’re so pissed off by the lack of respect from this joke of a wedding... **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Tacky wedding from start to finish in 2 weeks

CONCLUDED

GU355WH01AM

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15nf9xf/tacky_wedding_from_start_to_finish_in_2_weeks/

15nkig8

I am not OOP. Original post by u/user119975444 in r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder: Do not comment on linked posts!* Trigger warnings: NONE Mood spoiler: >!Christmas cookie heartbreak, a bit aggravating!< &#x200B; [AITA for\_calling\_my\_wife\_unreasonable\_for backing out of spending Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z01vg2/aita_for_calling_my_wife_unreasonable_for_backing/) (Posted on November 20th, 2022) Context: For every holiday, My mother would ask the women in the family (my sisters, sister in-law, my wife, my female cousins) to send "samples" of the desserts they plan to bring to the celebration for testing and to see if these desserts could make it to the "food menu". My wife has been complaining about my mother deliberately rejecting every dessert sample she sent. So many times my mother has told her that she's being honest and keeping the guests best interest at heart. Yet my wife still thought that my mother is deliberately excluding her since 2 of her dessert samples were rejected before. For this year's Christmas my mother is doing the same thing but this time, she told every woman who are participating to make a "cookie sample" and send it to her for testing. My wife took it as a challenge and to be honest she worked really hard to make a good sample and sent it to my mother days ago and the results just came in yesterday. I came home from work and found my wife upset. I asked what's wrong and she told me that my mother rejected the sample she sent and decided to exclude her baking from the food list/menu for christmas this year. I didn't know what to say but she then told me she was backing out of the invitation to attend christmas with my family. I was stunned when I heard her make this statement. I tried to talk to her but she said "it was done" I called her unreasonable to decide to bail on the whole family over some cookie sample...that's just freaking crazy and quite unreasonable. We had a full on argument about it and she stated that my mother caused this but I told her that my mother is pretty serious and careful about the food she offers to the guests since we are going to have relatives coming from all sides of country. She told me to stop mentioing it. Later I heard her cry despite telling her that her baking is amazing and people have preferences that's all. AITA for insisting that her decision was unreasonable? Info. If you're asking whose cookie sample made it to the menu, the answer is my sister and my 2 cousins. Info Few things to put on here: 1. My wife wasn't the only one whose sample was rejected. We have SIL's (brother's wife) and my younger sister's. 2. My mother did not force anyone to participate, it was up to whoever wanted to take part. 3. This is just about the dessert since my mother tends to be very careful in this category but for other types of foods. Dishes/appetizers/salads/stuff like that is welcome as she stated. &#x200B; Top comment: "*So, correct me I'm wrong, but for years and years your mother has demanded that all the women (why not men too?) in your family send in samples. For years and years your wife has tried her hardest to appease your mother, had pushed herself to the limit, and has been left completely and utterly demoralised each and every time by a humiliating tradition enforced by the holiday tyrant. And, even worse, her shame was publically put on display each and every year as other family members would no doubt notice that, once again, her food was not chosen.* *Finally, after producing something she was unbelievably proud of, she was once again left embarrassed and most likely deeply hurt as she was deemed not good enough for yet another year. This is the straw that broke the camel's back and she decides she has had enough of her humiliation and that she will not give her cruel MIL the satisfaction of seeing her discomfort on such a big day. She makes a boundary that many would have made a long time prior.* *And her husband tells her she is unreasonable for setting up boundaries?* *Dude. Come on. You know YTA."* Comment that OOP replied to: *"YTA. Why haven't you defended your wife's baking to your mom? You are choosing your mother over your own wife. Step up and tell your mom that you don't appreciate the constant insulting of your wife - and accept that if she doesn't feel comfortable going to Christmas at her house, that she has every right not to. And you should be supporting her decision."* OOP's reply: "Okay, I'll defend my wife and tell my mother that she's being a bit harsh on her and unfair towards her baking skills but that's it. I still can't really force my mother to include my wife's baking in the menu, I just don't get to make this call you know what I'm saying?" &#x200B; ***Judgement rules OOP as TA.*** &#x200B; **Update (written later in the same post)** Update: Great!, so I just got off the phone with my brother and he told me that his wife is doing the same thing as my wife and that she has decided to back out of the invitation to spend christmas with family as well. Turns out my wife must've told her about her decision and she decided to follow her lead. My brother is pissed saying my wife is encouraging his wife to do this. I see that the problem has just gotten bigger now. Who knows, my younger sister might join in and decide not to go as well. I don't know how this got out of control so quickly. I guess we'll try to have a discussion with my mother about this soon and see how it goes. &#x200B; *This BORU is ruled as "Inconclusive," as OOP never gave an update after the phone call with his mother, nor if his wife did in fact attend Christmas.* ***Reminder that I am NOT the Original Poster.***

AITA for calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample?

INCONCLUSIVE

the_greek_italian

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15nkig8/aita_for_calling_my_wife_unreasonable_for_backing/

15nlj8x

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ApprehensivePearlow **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!sibling abuse, domestic violence,attempted reproductive coercion!< mood spoilers: >!bromance!<   [AITAH for threatening to divorce my wife if she doesn’t discipline her son?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15ap0bt/aitah_for_threatening_to_divorce_my_wife_if_she/) \- 26th July 2023 I (45m) am married to my wife (47f). We both have teen sons from previous relationships, her son Noah (14) and my son Spencer (15). Spencer’s biological mom (my ex) is a deadbeat who doesn’t pay her child support and hasn’t spoken to Spencer in years, while Noah’s biological dad is very involved in Noah’s life and takes him every other week. Noah’s dad also makes a fair bit more money than either me or my wife, and this leads to Noah having nicer things than Spencer. Ex: Noah has a fairly new iPhone while Spencer has an old model with a cracked screen. Noah’s dad has promised to pay his way through college, while Spencer works two part time jobs (by his choice) to start saving up but will still probably have to take out loans. Most relevant to our current problem, Spencer wears almost exclusively second hand/thrifted clothes while Noah’s dad buys him department store/name brand clothes. Because of the difference in the way the two boys dress, Noah has taken to making fun of Spencer for looking “like a hobo” “like he crawled out of a gutter” and “like trailer trash”. Just nasty, unnecessary, and in my opinion very classist insults. It’s not like Spencer doesn’t put effort into his appearance either, we just don’t have the money to fill his closet with $30 tshirts and $75 pairs of jeans. Now, Spencer has a bit of a temper and the difference between his things and Noah’s things is a sore spot, as a result the boys have gotten into several shouting matches and one major physical altercation (Spencer is tall for his age and Noah hit puberty late so it was more of a beat down than a fight, though no one went to the hospital). I’ve spoken to my wife multiple times about disciplining Noah, but she insists that he’s just doing it to get a reaction out of Spencer, and the solution is for Spencer to “stop falling for it” rather than any consequences or even a strong conversation for Noah. I may have accepted this if Noah was in elementary school, but he’s a teenager and a teenager need to at least be told not to antagonize his stepbrother who he knows has outbursts. I’ve tried to talk to Noah myself but he just says “you’re not my dad you can’t tell me what to do”. And yes, I have talked to Spencer about keeping his temper in check but at this point, it’s not his fault when he’s constantly being demeaned for something he has no control over. After the aforementioned physical incident, I gave my wife an ultimatum: discipline Noah or I’m leaving. I told her that I couldn’t keep my son in a home where he’s constantly on edge because she refuses to parent her son. I told her that, as a step parent, I have little authority over Noah so it’s on her to set him straight. She asked me if I was seriously considering divorcing her over the way she parents her son, and I said yes. That this isn’t about her, but about protecting my son from Noah’s bullying. She told me I was being manipulative and that threatening divorce over every little thing is abusive. I tried to explain that this isn’t a “little thing” and she just told me to give her a few days to think things over, and I agreed to give her a week before I would contact a lawyer. AITAH?  **Judgement - NTA** &#x200B; **Top Comment** *ESH except Spencer Noah needs to learn not bully other people. Someday he will say something to the wrong person and might end up in the hospital or dead. Mom needs to at least attempt to cull her kids bullying. You chose to bring another 2 mouths to feed into your home. Good on you for trying to defend your child, but being unable to afford the basics and forcing him to wear secondhand all the time is on you sir. Unless she is the breadwinner you took resources from you own kid so you could get your dick wet. If you do end up divorced, stick to tinder to scratch that itch until your kid is out of the house.* **OOP Replies** >People are acting like wearing thrifted clothes is some kind of child abuse, but really the only difference between my son’s clothes and my stepson’s clothes is the brand name and where they were purchased. I wear thrifted clothes and so does my wife, it wasn’t an issue until Noah decided it made him superior. **OOP Comments** >I don’t feel like I have the right to mess with their custody arrangement, and I felt like taking the nuclear option would get her attention and to take the issue seriously. Honestly this was a test, and depending on how she took (or didn’t take) action from my threat I would weigh our relationship. > >My son has clothes and they’re not bad quality, they’re just not name brand or from the department store. I dress the same way for the record. Also, I don’t tell my son he’s a victim, I told Reddit that because it’s true. I’ve told my son that he needs to control his anger, and I’m sorry that my concern was for stopping the source of the bullying rather than telling the target not to stick up for himself. &#x200B; [**UPDATE AITAH for threatening to divorce my wife if she doesn’t discipline her son?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15cb5pp/update_aitah_for_threatening_to_divorce_my_wife/) **- 28th July 2023** First off, as per everyone’s advice on my last post, I’ve gotten in contact with a divorce lawyer and have begun to draft papers. Whether or no they’ll be filed remains to be seen. Second, I didn’t think I’d be updating so soon, but there’s been a major development so here goes. Yesterday, Noah’s father, who I’ll be calling Mike, called me. We have each other’s numbers but we generally don’t speak, so this was a surprise. The following is an approximation of our conversation: Me: “hey Mike, what’s up?” Mike: “hey \[my name\] nothing much, but I’m calling about a fight our boys got into, have you heard?” Me: “oh yes, of course I heard. Thankfully neither are hurt bad.” Mike: “good, that’s good to hear. Listen, from the way Noah tells the story, your boy, Spencer was it? Attacked mine over some petty argument over clothes. Now I know my boy can exaggerate, so I figured I’d call to get it from you.” Me: “Yeah well, now I don’t mean to call Noah any kind of liar, but that’s only half the story. See, lately your boy has taken to picking on mine because you can afford to dress him in more expensive clothes. Now, I’m glad that Noah can have the clothes he wants thanks to you, but he’s decided that makes him superior to Spencer. Noah called him a hobo, trailer trash, told him he looked like he crawled out of a gutter, and said he wouldn’t be surprised if Spencer ends up on the street in five years. Mike: “wait really? Noah said that?” Me: “yes he did, can’t image where he learned to speak like that. Mike: “not my house that’s for sure, but continue” Me: Right, now my boy can have a temper, and I’m working on that with him be sure, but Noah wouldn’t listen when I told him to knock it off. There have been a few yelling fights, and then a couple days ago Noah just kept winding him up and they were shouting at each other, and then Noah swung and well the rest is history.” Mike: “Wait, Noah swung first?” Me: “Yup, but the rest of the hits were Spencer’s. I’ll be honest, it wasn’t a fair fight at all. Like I said, I’m just glad neither got hurt too bad, but let me be frank. Your boy is causing problems in my house and he needs to stop before he gets put in the hospital. Could you talk to him about it? Sherry won’t, but our relationship is a whole nother deal.” Mike: “Oh yeah, for sure I’ll talk to him. And also, so long as no one goes to the hospital, feel free to let your boy set mine straight if you know what I mean. That’s how I learned to stop being a mouthy little shit, maybe a little schoolyard justice will do the same for him.” Me: “Thanks man, I appreciate it. I’ll pass your message to Spencer, but honestly I’d prefer less violence in my house. Anyway I’ve got to run.” Mike: “Alright, but let’s keep communicating about this, I’m so disappointed in Noah and I apologize that he’s starting stuff with Spencer.” click Anyway Noah goes to Mike’s place tomorrow so hopefully his father can straighten him out. As for my relationship with my wife, I’ll be having a serious sit down with her soon. If we can’t work things out, that lawyer of mine will come in handy. And yes, I did tell Spencer what Mike said about setting Noah straight, but made it clear that Spencer is not to start anything, but if Noah gets physical first, Spencer has my permission to shut him down.   **Top Comments** *You should marry Mike instead. He seems like a better parent.* *Yeah, Mike rocks. What a grown up and good parent* **OOP Replies** >You know, you’re the fourth person to suggest that. Hey, if things go south with Sherry I might just give him a try haha.   [**AITAH for threatening to divorce my wife if she doesn’t discipline her son? UPDATE #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15h9ulp/aitah_for_threatening_to_divorce_my_wife_if_she/) **- 3rd August 2023** So, a couple of y’all suggested that Sherry and I have a family meeting with Mike and the boys, and I figured it was worth a try. I called Mike and he said it was a great idea, but Sherry didn’t want to because her divorce from Mike was so chaotic and she didn’t want to “make things awkward”. It took some convincing, but she caved eventually. I won’t go into the little details, but basically Mike and I tried to explain to Noah and Sherry why what Noah had been doing was wrong and deserved punishment, but Sherry was being really stubborn and in ended up with Mike deciding to take all of Noah’s clothes away and give him $100 to make his wardrobe for all of the coming school year, with it reduced down by $15 for each time he insulted Spencer (a moot point now, but he didn’t know that at the time). Sherry was of course opposed but there’s not much she can do. Mike took Noah and left, Spencer got picked up by my mom, and then I got into it with Sherry. It started out civil, talking about parenting philosophy and our different experiences with bullying and the like. She just wouldn’t calm down though, and we had the biggest fight of our relationship. I admit, I was a bit at fault too for not backing down. What can I say, I’m one stubborn ass. It was an hours long screaming match that was basically her defending Noah and saying he “has a right to his words because he’s smaller, younger, and because he had to go through his parents’ messy divorce and he has emotional trauma” (I don’t actually know if this is true, but to be frank, I don’t care). I yelled back that “Spencer’s mom is a fucking deadbeat so fuck you and your excuses”. In the end, it devolved into petty insults and and ended with her throwing a lamp at me while screaming that she’d rather bang her coworker, and I ran out of the house and drove to my mom’s place. Anyway, a couple days later this somehow all got back to Mike, who invited me out for a drink, and I obviously said yes because I really needed one at that point. We got to talking about Sherry, and turns out y’all were right about their divorce too. According to Mike, he left her because they got into a huge fight after he caught her poking holes in their condoms. She wanted another kid, he didn’t, and she was trying to get her way with an “oops baby”. They didn’t even have a prenup, she just managed to blow through all the money she got from him before I met her. So yeah, suffice to say I’m glad I got myself snipped a while ago. I’ve filed the divorce papers and I’m fucking devastated, but I know it’s for the best. Fuck my life, and thanks for listening to my ranting internet strangers. Two weeks ago I would never imagine it would come to this, but leaving her feels like a weight off my shoulders. Honestly, like I said I’m just glad we don’t have any kids together. This will be my last update, I’m gonna focus on screwing her over as bad as I can. Seriously, fuck you Sherry.   **Top Comment** *Wow! I remember your first post! This took a turn but this sounds like the healthiest outcome for you and your son! She and her son sound horrible. Mike seems like a good dude! Hope y’all stay friendly! That would be both hilarious and petty!* >If Mike keeps talking I won’t quit, you’re right he’s a cool guy. And hey, folks on the last update were sayin I should get with Mike after I leave Sherry. I obviously don’t think it’ll ever go down like that, but the notion gives me a chuckle at least. &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as the divorce is now happening. Not sure about the bromance though**  **Reminder - I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub.**

OOP wonders AITAH for threatening to divorce his wife if she doesn’t discipline her son?

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15nlj8x/oop_wonders_aitah_for_threatening_to_divorce_his/

15nmsar

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Outside-Apartment528 **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!sad but positive overall!< Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BORU  *Minor spelling corrections and added paragraphs* [**My(43m) GF(36f) asked to open the relationship, and i just pointed her to the door.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14qrs7w/my43m_gf36f_asked_to_open_the_relationship_and_i/) **- 4th July 2023** So, like the title says, My(43m) GF(36f) asked that we open the relationship, and I just pointed her to the door. it was too much? I strongly believe that in a monogamous relationship when someone ask to open it, well is because that person saw something else out there and is ready to try it instead of working in the relationship. Basically is blindsiding his/her partner. So I have being with Fran (36) over the last two years and a half, almost two as a couple. I thought that things where moving smothly and was about to ask her to move in (At the begining of April), But lately she was acting rather distant. So i dicided to wait a little and watch. (Iwas cheated on the past, so i'm a little cautios with some signs) Out of nowhere this last friday she asked me to open the relationship, she gave me all her big speech, and when she ended her "presentation" I asked her if she has someone in mind, because is not like we decided to day and basically going out with other persons tomorrow, basically I trick her into tell me what I alredy knew, and yes she has someone in mind, which means to me, that either she already did it or she has all set up. So I got up, walk around the apartment while she was trying to sell that this could be good for both us and our relationship, by the time she ended talking I hand her one of my sportbags with all her stuff in it, and tell her to left the spare key over the table on her way out, that we are done and she knows why. Then I went to the couch and turn on the TV, just trying to look indiferent and save face, she was speecheless for a while, about to cry, but before she couldn't say something, I tell her that I didn't wanna talk about anything and she should leave. As soon as she left, I felt like crap, so unworthy, cried a little and as right now i'm still mourning. My phone has going almost nuclear with al the calls and text I recieved from friends of both sides about my extreme reaction over her “simple” request. Don't know what she told them. So now i'm sitting wondering if I really went overboard and at the same time fighting the urge to run back to her, because deep inside even knowing my feelings for her are still there, the trust is gone and i'm not gonna spend all my time watching her movements, is not healthy, may be in time, really don´t know. Before anyone pointed out, yes I know, my reaction is pure reflection of me, not what she did or was about to do, or could do. So, did I went overboard? PS : sorry about my english, keep that in mind if you don't understand something on my reaction.   **Top Comment** *What you did was fine. If she was not satisfied with the relationship, she should have handled that with you—not by planning a sex date with someone else.* **OOP Replies** >Thanks, my point exactly   [**UPDATE : My(43m) GF(36f) asked to open the relationship, and i just pointed her to the door.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Outside-Apartment528/comments/14rgq2c/update_my43m_gf36f_asked_to_open_the_relationship/) **- 5th July 2023** First of all, thanks for all the replys and upvotes, it never cross my mind that this post would have this much atention. I just writed to put order in my ideas and vent a little, and with the hope a few people told me if i went overboard. But i didn't expected the amount of replys i got. So many thanks to all for that. Some people pointed that may be I went overboard, that may be she wasn't aware of my position on the subject, I replied to some, but there where to many comments to get back to all. So to clarify, may be a year back aprox we had a couple of friends in a similar situation, and for like a month that was the main theme of conversation on our group of friends, and everytime I said that for me is a big no and if one person in a relationship need to be with other persons, well she/he should leave. About the the friends trying to mend things up, well they weren't totally aware of the situation, yesterday after I posted here, and with my ideas more defined went to see a group of them and told them my point. All of them agree with me a different levels (some of then wanted to let it go, others wanted to burn her at the stake) , of course a few girls in the group pointed that I could do things in a better way, and also there was a few question about if could consider give her another chance. But for me the main issue is not feelings, I know that I love her, but the trust is gonne and I don't want to find my self wondering all the time what is she up to. After I left, my friends talked to other persons that weren't there and basically the waters have calm. If you are wondering what is she doing, really don't know. I got a few texts from her, but haven't read them yet, and don't think I will do it soon. Anyway, I know is not much, but this is all I got for now. **NOTE: when I first join this part of reddit I didn't get what people get here by posting their relationship troubles, but I do get it now.**   **Top Comment** *I think you should talk to her and ask her what she thought was going to happen since you always made it clear that opening up the relationship was a big NO for you. I don't think you reacted badly, I think she's the one who should be forever ashamed of herself for that, I hope everything works out for you* **OOP Replies** >I don't know . . . Actually I give it a lot of thought about it. Don't know if I would get a satisfactory answer. I don't find any logic, because, she knew me . . . and she should know Part of me thinks that she wanted to break up to be with this guy, but didn't wanted to be the crappy girl that left one guy to be with the other and may be was hopping for an agressive overreaction from me, so she could leave pointing that i was the bad guy and avoid that her friends made judgment of her. May be in a few days I would be ready to have that talk. But not for now. &#x200B; [**Final Update : My(43m) GF(36f) asked to open the relationship, and i just pointed her to the door.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Outside-Apartment528/comments/14w37c0/final_update_my43m_gf36f_asked_to_open_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **- 10th July 2023** Hello to every stranger interested in how things ended. I wasn't much on the idea about posting any other update, but, some people have being asking, so, here it is. Finally after listen to varius friends and some redit users, I talked to her, just to sort things out. Last Friday we meet at our regular place where we take coffe. At the distance, she looked great, so great that I just wanted to say fuck it and drag her back to my place(it took a lot of restraining to not do it), when I got close to her, I noticed her sadness and she still has her eyes irritated from crying. We sat and before she could say a word I asked her to tell me the entire story and that please don't let anything out of it, that I need it and then I would ask her a few things and also needed all the true. The story is pretty basic, around two month before she asked for the Open relationship, on her girls dancing night out they meet this exotic good looking guy. During the first month he was the new flavor that all the singles friends on the group where trying out, wich leeds to girl taking and sharing experiences.Eventually this guy, that was having his way with all the girls around him, set his eyes on Fran, and begun to flirt with her, taking her to dance floor having fun. Well here is when she shoulded stoped things, because we had an agreement with dancing night, that she would stay away from any guy, because, we guys are pigs and is pretty rare that a guy just wanna dance. Anyway because of the excitement, she went for it, enjoyed the attention of this guy and had a great time dancing. Looking at the time line, this was around the time I noticed that Fran was distant. Moving forward a few weeks her friends were sharing more intimate stories about this guy, and that got into her mind, she found herself fantasizing doing it with him. Also he was trying to make a move on her too. But from what she told me, she didn't went for it because she was with me. Drinks and drunken friends are bad counselors, and once the idea of open the relationship came out, they where over two weeks chating about how to convince me, that because long time a go, I had threesomes and also swinged a little, I should be ok with the idea of open the relationship. But threesomes and swinging are things you do as a couple, and out of the pure excitment. (at least for me, and was a long time ago early's 20s) All this lead to the day she asked to open the relationship. She told me that she and her friends never thought that i would end the relationship in the moment, that the worse scenario would be me geting angry and saying NO. So there is no big deal in just asking. At this point I interrupt her and tell her that she should know better, we where together over two years and always share my thought about everything with her. (she agrees) At this point i explained to her that, I didn't breakup with her for the question, I did it because there was already a guy, so for me that was a major trust issue. If this was some concern that came out natural, may be we could have work it out, in the worse scenario may be we could founded an alternative, but the way things where, is was an alert for me. We went around of the topic for a while, and then I begun to question her, basically I ask if she was intimate with him at some point, she said she wasn't. If she developed some feelings for him, no she didn't and lastily if she has seen this guy again, and that was also a NO. Even if that is not much, that was a small relief. But i explaind to her that I can't go back to her, I need to close this for my own health. Also I told her, that we share a lot of friends and I don't wanna lose any of them because of this and wouldn't be fair to ask them to chose, so we can behave like adults and keep things friendly. (if my friends take one side is because they want it, not because I ask them to) She said how sorry she is, that if she could, would undo everything, but she knew it can't be done. She was about to cry, I was also too. So it was a good moment to ask for the check and leave. I walked her to her car, open the door for her (just and habit of mine) and she started to cry, I coulden't help and hug her, we stood there about 10 minutes, when she calmed she got in to her car and drove. I was at shock, went home grabed my camping gear, and drove to the mount and spended all the weekend there to clear my mind. Early this morning I was driving back to the city, and at the moment my phone grabed signal, it got flooded with messages, from friends and family, all worried because basically I disappeared , without telling anybody. I text back to everyone telling that I was ok, that went out camping and at the moment was driving to work. Also I got a text from her, something on the lines that she feels that we are not over yet, and that she thinks I need time to leave all this behind me, and she will wait in the hope of it. I haven't text her back, because i'm pretty sure i'm done, but experience has teach me to never say never. So for now i'm gonna take easy, doing what I like, and see where things take me. well that's it, thanks all for your support and advice. PS: sorry about my english   **Top Comment** *good job standing up for yourself. the moment she got another guy in her mind, she's no longer respecting you. do not take her back. there are plenty of good woman out there that will treat you right.* *well, now she can get all the attention and sexual experience with any guy she wants, while being single of course. only vile human wishes to explore their sexual desires while still in a relationship with others.* **OOP Replies** >To be fair the mind play trick on us, so having thought or fantasies is pretty normal. Take action is the issue. Here is where i draw the line. > >I don't wish her ill or anything, at the moment i'm just a little sad, don't gonna lie, going back had crossed my mind a lot of times, but i just play in my mind the scenario of me back with her, and always wondering and having the need to check her phone, . . . and thats a big no for me. > >I don't believe she is vile, only we wheren't on the same page, also i think deep inside she wasn't in the same page with her own self. > >Anyway, time to move forward, and see what life have ahead for me. &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as the relationship looks like it over.** *Drinks and drunken friends are bad counsellors* has now been added to the flair list. **Reminder - I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub.**

My GF asked to open the relationship, and I just pointed her to the door.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15nmsar/my_gf_asked_to_open_the_relationship_and_i_just/

15nsgdx

**I am Not the OOP, OOP is** u/Wise-Hall2842 **AITA for kicking out my pregnant step daughter over my cat** **originally posted to** r/AmITheAsshole Trigger warning: >!animal abuse, sexism!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15hlqca/aita_for_kicking_out_my_pregnant_teenage_step/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **August 3rd 2023** I’m at the vet waiting room with my cat so I’m gonna rush this and edit the grammar later So I (35f) have been with my (45m) fiancé for 3 years now he has two kids a daughter (22) who’s a lovely girl and other daughter (19) who I’ll call Kim for the sake of the post. Kim has always had a bad attitude to everyone especially me now before anyone assumes my fiancé was already divorced his ex 2 years before we even met and his ex is a nice person who I get along with very well so there’s no hate from her end ether. Kim is 3 months pregnant and living with us because we have more room for her and the baby, the baby daddy stays sometimes but he has two jobs along with studies so it’s mainly been me who’s take care of her. So the main issue today her boyfriend came over so my fiancé suggested we let them have the house to themselves and go for a walk, about two hours later I came home and noticed my cat missing who Kim hated and wanted me to get rid of. I asked her were he was Kim said she ran out the door which I knew was bullshit whiskey is an elderly cat who even wouldn’t go out on the porch if I didn’t bring him. So I checked the ring camera and as expected Kim threw whiskey out that ran her off. My fiancé tried saying kim is pregnant her hormones are all over the place and pregnancy brain messes with women that he was gonna bring up getting rid of whiskey for the baby sake anyway. I was in tears till I looked over at kim with a smug satisfied look on her face I fucking lost it. I got up in her face and scream that she had one hour to find my cat or all her shit would be in the dumpster and I was done being her slave. She said she wasn’t looking for my stupid cat and back off as she was pregnant, my fiancé told me to claim down and we’d look for the cat I told him no I would look for my cat and when I got back his daughter better be gone and if he has issues he could go too because I was sick of dealing with his little bitch of daughter who everyone including her own parents and boyfriend avoids, I didn’t wait for them to respond I did hear her crying tho, as you know I found my cat he was hiding in some bushes it took 20 long minutes to find him When I arrived home they were both in the living room my fiancé said he wanted to talk but first he said I owed Kim an apology. I told him fuck himself and she better start packing She’s at her boyfriends family home as far as I know and my fiancé is not talking to me Update I didn’t think I’d give at least this soon So my now ex fiancé oldest daughter reached out to me to ask my side I’ll call her Kate she’s a animal lover like my self. Her father asked to stay with her for a few nights because he said I was having a break down over my cat he basically made out the cat escaped and I went after “pOoR” Kim for not trying to catch him her condition. Kate is a very smart girl she can see bull shit form a mile away and obviously she knows her own sister so she called Kim to ask her side. Kim was more honest basically her and her dad planned it as some of you suggested the plan was for her baby daddy to take the cat out a road dump but he wouldn’t do it because in Kim’s words he was a “pussy” so they got in a fight about it and Kim thankfully being lazy just kicked whiskey out and ran him out of the yard. Kate told me the way Kim’s talking about me and whiskey even if she doesn’t move back she do something for revenge to whiskey. so I’ve decided to listen to Kate,my friends, the vet, his assistant and everyone here and I called off the wedding which is in few weeks and broke up with my ex fiancé by text I don’t give a fk if it’s immature or cruel I’ve told him I’ll box up his stuff for him and leave it for him to collect in a few days. Don’t worry about whiskey I told my ex call me when he’s coming over so he’ll be locked in a room safe and I’m calling a 24 hour lock smith next The begging and bullshit promises have already started but my minds made up I’m done being his ATM slave for him and his spoiled bitch of a daughter (Kim) Whiskey is fine btw just a little shaken but he’s curled up in my lap refusing to move

AITA for kicking out my pregnant step daughter over my cat

CONCLUDED

doritobimbo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15nsgdx/aita_for_kicking_out_my_pregnant_step_daughter/

15ny6gu

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Equivalent-Tree2A](https://www.reddit.com/user/Equivalent-Tree2A/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH. **Trigger Warnings:** >!infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15gjc8l/aita_for_telling_my_depressed_brother_he_only_has/)**: August 2, 2023** My (M34) younger brother, Matt (M31), was engaged to this woman, Emma (F30), for the past year. Everyone in our family, my sister parents and myself, thought they were a perfect match. Emma was very polite, well educated, had a great family whom we had met a few times, and was head over heels for Matt. Fast forward to three months ago, and Emma finds out Matt cheated on her with this other woman, Cindy (F25). Needless to say, the marriage has been called off, and everyone has been beyond angry with Matt. Our parents haven't spoken to Matt since the fallout of what's happened, and even I have only spoken to him twice (each call lasting less than 5 minutes) since then. Our sister has also not spoken with him either. This morning, I received a call from Matt saying that he wanted to reconcile with the family. He mentioned how upset and depressed he's been since making "the worst mistake of his life" and how much he regrets his actions. I was listening up until this point, but got annoyed when he started mentioning how also Cindy wants to meet our parents and the rest of us. He told me that he left our parents a voicemail a few days ago, but they haven't responded, and that he feels isolated from our family. I point blank told him that he only had himself to blame for this and that he clearly didn't think what he did was a mistake since he was still with Cindy. He said he just wanted us to give them a chance, but I told him I had to go to work and left the call while he was finishing a sentence as I was very frustrated with him. AITA? **UPDATE - More context**: For everyone suggesting that Matt found his true love in Cindy. That's questionable from my perspective. He still claims his current relationship with her is a mistake, and I'm fairly certain he has said as much to her in the past. **UPDATE 2 (5 hours later)** After reading some of the comments and doing some self-reflection, I have decided to reach out to my brother. It's true; he's done something terrible, and there is simply no other way of seeing it. However, despite the disappointment, I still do feel that I have a responsibility towards him at this low point in his life, especially considering that my parents and sister probably won't be reaching out to him. I called him (the call lasted about 20 minutes) and offered to meet him in person, which did seem to cheer him quite a bit. I, however, made it abundantly clear to him that I have no interest in meeting Cindy. At this point, he said something that confirmed my suspicions on what he thinks of Cindy but was still pretty surprising to hear him say. He told me that he's open to the idea of dumping Cindy if it helps build back his relationship with our parents and sister. When I asked him if he was sure about that, he said that she was "small-time" and that she "knew the risks" of getting into a relationship with him so her feelings would be on her. This whole situation sucks, and I don't even know what to feel or think about it anymore. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How is Emma doing?* "I can only hope she's doing better now. We have unfortunately kind of lost contact with her since then. It was very hard for her given how much she loved Matt" *What's the point of meeting Cindy when he may just as soon cheat on her? And what does it say about HER character?* "My Mom actually mentioned this in the past. She doesn't want to get to know a new girl and for us to develop a relationship with her only for it to end the same way" *Did your family have a poor relationship with your brother before he cheated?* "We all had a good relationship with him prior to finding out. We honestly could't even believe that he would do something like this at first, but we were proven wrong" *Ask him how Cindy feels about being called "the worst mistake of his life"* "Sadly, I'm fairly certain he said this to her around the time they got together. During one of his early calls post the cheating. He mentioned how he had an argument with Cindy about about Emma. He hinted to me that he may have said something like this to her." ***OOP is voted NTA, but people have varying opinions on going No Contact.*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15i03r8/update_aita_for_telling_my_depressed_brother_he/)**: August 4, 2023 (2 days later)** **Its been an exhausting few days, but enough has happened since my** [last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15gjc8l/aita_for_telling_my_depressed_brother_he_only_has/) **to warrant an update** So, I ended up meeting with my brother to discuss what's been going on. We live in the same city, so arranging a time and place wasn't too difficult. After some small talk and a bit of catching up, we got straight into talking about what's been on his mind. He reiterated how he made a major mistake and wants our parents and sister's acceptance. He also said that it's way too late for him to try reaching out to Emma, and even if he did, she would never accept. While he admitted responsibility, he also blamed Cindy and pointed out that meeting our parents was mainly her idea. He mentioned how he didn't consider their relationship too serious (despite what Cindy thought) and was annoyed that she kept pushing him to make things more official. He said that he had turned down requests from her for him to meet her family and friends and that, so far, she's only met a handful of his friends. After saying all this, he told me that none of it mattered anyway since he broke up with her since I last spoke with him. He said that he wants a fresh start and thinks Cindy will stifle that. He mentioned how she was crying and didn't want their relationship to end, but he remained firm. What made me feel bad for her was when he mentioned how she has her thesis defense in a few weeks, but Matt said that didn't matter to him as once again reiterated, "She knew the risks." He mentioned how Cindy had been texting him, asking why he's being so mean to her and why he ended things abruptly. He texted her back some pretty awful things (and I don’t want to repeat them) that did get her to stop trying to contact him. The conversation ended with Matt requesting that I help him build up his relationship with our parents and sister again. I didn't make any promises and only told him that I would do what I can. Maybe our parents might be convinced to meet with him down the line, but I'm not too sure about our sister. She told me that her entire image of him was shattered and that it will take a lot of time for her to accept that. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Your brother is an asshole and needs therapy:* "I don't think he needs therapy per say (not that he'd ever go), I think he was just being needless mean to Cindy. The messages he sent her, were just awful" *He seems like he has a lot of issues that he will continue to keep bringing into other relationships:* "I hope not, he kept reiterating that he needs a fresh start and that he'll do better next time"

AITA for telling my “depressed” brother he only has himself to blame for our parents not wanting to talk to him?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ny6gu/aita_for_telling_my_depressed_brother_he_only_has/

15ny6n5

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/FitPurchase99 **AITA for refusing to split half of the check for dinner with my best friend like we usually do?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15a657l/aita_for_refusing_to_split_half_of_the_check_for/) **July 26, 2023** My best friend, Vanessa 24f and I 25f have been friends since the 2nd grade. We've been supportive of each other's successes and accomplishments, and we're always there when one of us needed the other. We've also ALWAYS split the check when we go out for dinner or brunch or anything like that. We've agreed to do that for a long time, plus it saves time and doesn't complicate things for us and the servers and it didn't matter how much one of us ordered. She was the one who suggested it and I was like "Okay, sure". I'm not really a big eater so whenever we would go out, I would only order about 15-35% of the entire price for both. Vanessa, on the other hand, always has a huge appetite and would order 65-85%. The percentages depend on the occasion, appetites, and the price of the food. Recently, Vanessa got a huge promotion at her job for which she has been working her ass off and she wanted to celebrate, so she suggested that we go out to this fine dining restaurant nearby and I agreed because she deserved it. But before I continue, I should add that a few weeks prior, my older sister Bianca told me how ridiculous it was that i was splitting the check by paying half of it when I would only order food that amounted to only a quarter of the check. So before Vanessa and I ordered our food, I told her that I want to only pay for the food that I will order. She said "Okay". When she saw that I was actually paying for my own food, she was like "Wait, you were being serious before?". Um... Yes, I was being serious, and she said "Oh, I wouldn't have ordered so much if I knew you were being serious". (The total bill was around $560 and I only ordered around $145 worth of food). I asked her why wouldn't she think I was being serious and she said that it's because we've been splitting the check in half for so long that she literally thought that I was joking. I told her that I'm just sick and tired of paying half when I only order a small percentage. Like, I'm paying at least $50-$100 more than I should every time. So she became a bit mad and said "And you just decided to be a bitch and pull this stunt on the day when I got promoted?? Fine then, I will pay for my food" and she did and just exited right after without even waiting for me, which was not cool because she had picked me up at my place and drove us here so I had to call an Uber and pay $36 for the ride home. This morning, my phone is full of messages from my other friends saying that I was an asshole for demanding this on the day of her big promotion and for being a cheapskate. I just don't want to overpay so much. It's fine if it's $10-$20 more than what I ordered, but over $50?? That amount can go towards necessities and bills. So...... AITA? Edit: I earn about 90k/year, minus or plus because I have several jobs, which includes dog training for which I charge $80-$100/hour. Vanessa earned a little bit more with one stable job and since her promotion she now earns 6 figures. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Clean-Brilliant-6960** >NTA however I am very curious how 2 people eating dinner cost $560! That is like 9-10x cost of most dinners for 2 in my area **OOP replied** >She took us to a trending spot that I've never been to before and the prices there were high but I was still able to have an excellent meal for around $145. So if she had ordered the same amount then the total bill would have been $300 something. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15hz8y4/update_aita_for_refusing_to_split_half_of_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 4, 2023** Firstly, thank you for all the advice and understanding from my first post, which can be found on my profile. But to quickly recap, Vanessa, my best friend, and I have agreed to always split the check in half no matter how much we ordered. She recently got promoted and took us to a trending spot to which I've never gone to before. The check ended up being a total $560, out of which I had only ordered around $145. This has always been the ratio in almost every dinner, brunch, or lunch because she not only has a bigger appetite, she will also sometimes order the more expensive items while I have a smaller appetite. BEFORE we ordered, I had told her that I will be paying for my own food only, to which she had said "okay". But after we had eaten and she saw that I actually was paying for my food only, she said she thought I was joking about paying for my own food only and said "she wouldn't have ordered so much if she knew I was being serious". Ended up with her saying "fine then, I'll pay for my own food" and then she left without me. I felt like I was an asshole for doing that on her promotion day instead of having a conversation about it some time before, but honestly I never had a chance to bring it up and after my sister had mentioned that I shouldn't be paying half when our orders were so unbalanced I couldn't continue to do it anymore. Anyway, Vanessa has apologized for being mad and abandoning me at the restaurant because of the fight that we had, knowing that she had picked me up since my car was being fixed and I had to Uber home. I told her that since she had the promotion, she had to treat me to dinner and pay for the both of us like other friends do, to which she agreed and said that in order to make up for it she will take me out to dinner and pay for the entire meal. Which she did last night and she stayed true to her word and even told me that I can order whatever I want no matter the price. We also had a long conversation about future dinners and stuff and we agreed to pay for our own food and get separate checks unless either one of us wants to pay for the entire dinner in the case of a promotion, celebration, or et cetera. I also want to address the male comments claiming that she's fat and we eat too much as women. First, we're both very fit and stromg. I'm 5'7 and she's 5'9. Second, the $560 was because it was an expensive place, so if you think we "ate too much", then you've never taken a girl out to a fine dining restaurant. Anyway, the conclusion is, we resolved the problem and I greatly appreciate all the good advice and comments. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Corrotland** >Okay but is those so called friends that came at you have apologized already? That shouldn’t even have happened to begin with. While this is a great update, her first reaction is act like that need to be cautious with. Especially running to your other friends to make you out to be the bad person. Don’t be all too rainbows and sunshine yet. **OOP replied** >Yes, they actually have because they only heard one side of the story. And even though I agree that the way she reacted was not the way she should have, I do believe that she deserves a second chance considering we've been through a lot together and have supported one another all these 15+ years. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for refusing to split half of the check for dinner with my best friend like we usually do?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ny6n5/aita_for_refusing_to_split_half_of_the_check_for/

15ny6sh

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/clarityanon](https://www.reddit.com/user/clarityanon/). She posted in r/TwoHotTakes. **Trigger Warnings:** >!blackmail; harassment; abuse; doxxing; attempted extortion for sexual acts!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating and angry-making, but still some hope!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14g9biv/my_boyfriend_is_threatening_to_leak_my_face/)**: June 22, 2023** Hi all, this is a very weird and specific situation but I’m hoping Morgan and crew see this and can give me some advice even if they’re not anonymous on the channel. I have a music youtube channel with 300k subscribers. It’s an insane amount of viewers to me and it’s allowed me to live my dream of making music for a living. I am also anonymous. I don’t want to sound preachy, but I’ve sort of allowed my fans to ‘dream-ify’ me in that since they have no idea what I look like, the ‘canon’/theory is this super attractive goth gamer girl with the perfect body. I am not that. I obviously won’t go into specifics, but I have incredibly low self-esteem and look nothing like what people think. And with the whole Dream unmasking/remask fiasco, I’ve made an even more conscious effort to stay anonymous. I do regret this decision in hindsight, but I made the account when I was 14 and it started gaining traction when I was 16 and I wasn’t comfortable with ‘talking down’ to any new viewers. It’s dumb logic, but it was true to me at the time. My boyfriend, however, thinks that’s bullshit and that I should show my face because it’ll ‘make my life easier’. I highly disagree. Being anonymous means I can separate work and personal life. We got into a big argument last year after he told his sister who I was. Luckily, she’s solid and promised not to tell anyone (and I believe her as we’re friends) but it damaged my trust in him. I should have broken up with him then, but I was in a very bad place mentally already, and couldn’t handle a breakup. Anyways, we got into an argument about it again and I said that my anonymity online is not up for discussion and if he brings it up again, I’m going to break up with him. Then, he threatened to leak pictures of my face and body (NOT nudes, like pictures with my body in them) if I broke up with him. I don't know what to do. I really don't want my identity out there but would it be 'worth it' to get away from him? I'm sorry if this is dumb, my mind is scrambled. EDIT: sorry for not clarifying earlier, it totally slipped my mind but he has videos and pictures of me in the studio recording and producing. You can clearly see my face in them, so those videos coupled with other pictures would make it very easy for people to find who I am. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Someone writes a long (well written)* [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14g9biv/my_boyfriend_is_threatening_to_leak_my_face/jp49b7r/?context=3) *on how this is abuse:* "wow I never considered this abuse until now (not sarcasm). idk what I thought it was but this comment has opened my mind. I have no issue confronting him I just don't think it would change anything. And I don't want to piss him off and him leak my face in the heat of his anger. I'll keep the last bit in mind though. Thank you :)" *How does he think it will "make your life easier???"* "I don't have a damn clue. I asked him this and he just kinda mumbled his words and said something about how being out and open about my identity is easier than concealing who I am, which I highly disagree with." *Responses to questions:* Thank you for your comment! I'm going to try and answer everything I can. >Is your anonymity like a huge part of your online persona, or just one aspect of many? I wouldn't say it's part of my persona in the way that Corpse or Dream have it, but people have definitely speculated on my appearance. I've tried not to feed into it by not addressing it but internally, it's caused some issues that have caused me to stay anon. >I know you said that the pictures are of you recording/producing but is there some other type of identifier that clearly shows it is you? Or is your audience aware of what your set up looks like? They know what the set up looks like and my FL template that I use to produce. The videos are also of me performing outtakes or deleted songs that I posted snippets off. >I’d def look into some legal options like some have already suggested. I differently will. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15ils29/update_my_boyfriend_is_threatening_to_leak_my/)**: August 4, 2023 (1.5 months later)** CW: mentions of coercion. well... he leaked my face. And he chose a damn ugly picture too. After I made my post, I tried to talk to him about it and got his sister involved. His sister and I are very good friends and she's on my side 100%. It went better than I expected but still not good. He stopped bringing it up for about 2 or so weeks before trying to blackmail me again but in a much more sinister way. He threatened to post a picture if I didn't do certain sexual acts for him. Acts that are a 100% no go for me. Without getting into details, I managed to convince him that I was sick and he left it for the night. I managed to move out while he was at work the next day and am staying with his sister and another friend (who both know what happened) and who think he's disgusting. Then I made a post on my community tab explaining the situation, something someone had suggested to me. I said my ex-boyfriend is threatening to leak my face and that it's not what I want. I said I don't know when or on what website, or if he'll do it at all, but it goes against my wishes and that if they see it, to report it and respect my wishes and not share it. I got a ton of support which really helped. He posted a picture later that day along with my full name and which university I attend. I had to go to a meeting with the uni who are being surprisingly good about it. I made a police report at the uni's request although I don't think that will do anything. Both sets of parents know what's going on and maybe I'm just jaded, but I wasn't expecting his parents to be on my side. I think they see how good friends I am with their daughter. I didn't make a post announcing the face leak to my followers but my comments are filled with support. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice. It really meant a lot. I'm going to log out now for a bit and stay offline for a while. **Marked as ongoing in case OOP updates about legal action taken, if any. Please remember the no brigading rule- do NOT comment on OOP's original posts or dm her.**

My boyfriend is threatening to leak my face because he doesn’t think I should be anonymous online.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ny6sh/my_boyfriend_is_threatening_to_leak_my_face/

15nyskh

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Reasonable_Art_1537 **in** r/AmItheAsshole. This was originally posted on r/BestofRedditorUpdates a year ago by u/qwerty98765432101. **THE NEW UPDATE WILL BE MARKED WITH ‼️** trigger warnings: >!theft, manipulation, mentioned parent death!< mood spoilers: >!happy for OOP!<   [**AITA for pressing charges against my girlfriend's friend for stealing my doll?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w0wmir/aita_for_pressing_charges_against_my_girlfriends/) \- July 17, 2022 I (26M) have been with my still girlfriend (26F) for almost 4 years. Last year I gave her a key to my house. She spends a few days there, but we don’t live together full time. A few days ago, I had to make a quick trip for work. She asked me if she could invite a few of her friends to the house for a girl’s night (it was on Thursday). I accepted. I returned yesterday in the morning. The firs thing I noticed was that the rag doll missing from the wall. My first instinct was to call my girlfriend to ask if she had put it somewhere else, she denied it and said the doll was there (it wasn’t). I checked the gps of the doll (yes, it has a gps). The gps marked the house of one her friends, let’s call her Jess. I tried to be nice and told my GF to tell her friend to bring it back before 5 pm and I’ll pretend this never happened or I’ll involve the police. She tried to fight it but I told her about the gps. Well, my GF called me back saying that Jess denied having the doll, we had a huge argument and warned her that I wasn’t playing about getting the police involved. I waited until 5 and went to the police. We went to her house and got the doll back. I pressed charges. My GF and I had a bigger argument about me pressing charges. They (including her) known the doll was made by my father. They could have stolen anything else and I wouldn’t bat an eye. I gave her friend a chance and she tried to play stupid. They have been calling me an asshole and to drop the charges. EDIT: I will answer some your question here, if you have more I wll try to answer them. * The doll is with me. It's a rag doll, better said, it's a raggedy Ann doll. * My Father had many hobbies, he tried making dolls and was planning to sell them, but the first one he made was a freaking raggedy Ann doll. So it didn't last (he was to manly to sell raggedy Ann dolls, ridiculous, I know). He gave me that one. And actually, he made 4 more for my best friends. The doll was hanging in my room, but once he passed away, I hung it in the living room. It has X’s as eyes and looks creepy because it looks dead. * It has a gps because my home was robbed 7 months ago, I don’t care if the clean the house as far they leave the doll. I’ve more expensive items she could have stolen so I don’t know why she would steal the bloody doll other than a sick joke. * My GF never complained about it (at least no to me). I haven’t talked to her other than telling me to drop the charges. I will talk to her tomorrow to find out why she let her friend take the doll (they’ve been here before and never did anything like this). And about our relationship, because right now, I’m thinking in breaking up.   **Update 1** (on same post) I hope I do this right. Before the update I want to give some context about why the doll is so important to me and to correct myself for saying he was too manly to sell dolls. My father got sick just before I was 15 (kidney failure). He retired and he filled his time with hobbies. A year after his diagnosis, I came from school one day and he was finishing the doll. I asked him if he was going to sell it, he said yes but not anymore. I asked him why and he replied with “who would buy a doll from a man who looks angry 24/7”. Before his diagnosis, my father would have laughed about it, he would have made more to fill a big box, knock on every door and sell them all. But now, he was worried about what people would say, if he could sell them, anxious, less energetic, less confident, doubtful, afraid. None of this was in his mind before, the illness was not only beating his body but also his mind. We thought we had made peace with his desease and the time he had left, but reality finally caught up with us. It was a turning point in the way we moved forward. I have other things my father made, I carry some with me, others are in a safe. I tried to put the doll in a box, in a closet, I even tried to give it away once, I just don’t have the heart to do it. It gives me peace to see it out there. The tracker may seem excessive but not for me. My ex knew about this. The update. Many of you hit the nail. My ex came over yesterday. She was a mess. She explained that she actually had a problem with the doll, but instead of telling me, she went to her friends. They told her that it was creepy, weird for a grown man to have a doll, and that I was too attached to it. This only reinforced her feelings. This was a regular topic between them and they came up with ideas to get rid of doll, but she never followed them, until Thursday. Her friends were fed up with her for not doing something as we were planning to move together. Before they left, my ex and Jess talked. They agree that Jess would take the doll and my ex would take care of the rest. My ex forgot the gps and when I confronted her, she panicked, she actually called Jess and told her about it, but Jess told her not to worry, that I wouldn’t do anything about it. But she was obviously wrong. I broke up with her, she tried to plead and even suggested couples therapy but I just couldn’t stand being with her anymore. I called Mr. lawyer and told me that we can continue with the process but nothing will come out of it, even with my ex’s confession. He will try either way. I’ve already changed the locks and I’m buying cameras for the whole house. I like to thank all of you who took the time with my mess, I never thought this will get the attention it got. I will try to answer more questions if you have them. I hope everything goes well with all of you and thank you again.   [**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w0wmir/aita_for_pressing_charges_against_my_girlfriends/ih2qwbk/) **—** I got this second hand from one of my ex's friends who was part of the whole thing when she came over to apologize. Jess made a post Monday on Facebook trying to gain sympathy. My ex call her out, the other 3 friends who were involved also chimed in and they tore each other apart. Other friends from them who didn't knew about it got the whole thing from the post and they're cutting them out. Some family of Jess and my ex also got involved, I don't know the details of it but Jess's parents and my ex's family personally came to apologize yesterday. *OOP is voted NTA.*   ‼️ [**NEW UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reasonable_Art_1537/comments/11btm2o/update/) \- February 25, 2023 (7 months later) ‼️ I got messages asking how I am and what happened to my ex and her friends. Here it is. Jess aka the thief; like I said before, it was difficult to achieve something so nothing really happened to her other than public embarrassment. The other 3 friends aka the accomplices; the last info I got is that they reconciled as friends after their boyfriends broke up with them, but they still don’t talk to thief or my ex. My ex aka the doll hater; she tried to contact me for a few days but couldn't reach me so she tried something else. Due to the robberies in previous months, my neighbors were paying constant attention for any suspicious activity and they let me know there was a weird lady roaming the streets in different cars, it was my ex. It was difficult to get a restraining order but I did get a no contact one. She was served at her parents’ house; they later visited me to let me know that they are going to make sure that their daughter doesn’t bother me anymore. The last info I got about her is that she changed jobs and moved out to another state at some point of last year. Myself; after everything was settled, I took a position that was open in my job that requires constant travel, but ended up returning to my previous one because my life took a wild turn when I found out that I’m going to be a father, a single father to be exact. My friends got me a great lawyer and things are going terribly well, as she says. So yeah, I’m excited, scared and I’m still freaking out, but I like to think I’m doing it in a good way, there you have it.   *OOP clarifies information in the comments* [Commenter 1](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reasonable_Art_1537/comments/11btm2o/update/ja07jpl/) \- I'm glad you went well, a few questions, did the grooms end up with the accomplices because of the doll issue? And you updated us on all but the doll [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reasonable_Art_1537/comments/11btm2o/update/ja4j45a/) \- I have no idea if they broke up with them because of the doll. The only thing I know is that it happened 2-3 months later. The doll is doing fine, it's sitting on a bookshelf in my home office. [Commenter 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reasonable_Art_1537/comments/11btm2o/update/ja3e0ct/) \- Also do I understand correctly that OP is having a kid with the nutcase ex? Or is it with someone else? And is mom not planning to be in the kid's life? [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reasonable_Art_1537/comments/11btm2o/update/ja4kyo2/) \- It's not with my ex, it's with someone else (Yay! for condoms and its bloody 98% effectiveness.) And no, the mom is not planning to be part of the kid's life. We both have lawyers, we already have an agreement in place and we are following it.   *Marked as concluded because OOP is no longer in contact with Jess or his ex, his doll is fine and he’s entering a new chapter in his life.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[NEW UPDATE] AITA for pressing charges against my girlfriend's friend for stealing my doll?

NEW UPDATE

blindspottings

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15nyskh/new_update_aita_for_pressing_charges_against_my/

15o79jc

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaytogetherccc in r/offmychest and r/survivinginfidelity trigger warnings: >!infidelity, cancer!< mood spoilers: >!sad and depressing for OOP!<  *New updates start from 2nd August.* Previous BORU is [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14zjvmu/oops_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a_hall_pass/) **There is a final update [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15o79jc/new_update_oops_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a/)** &#x200B; [**I am at a loss as to what to do with my (54M) wife (51F) request**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14h5dj1/i_am_at_a_loss_as_to_what_to_do_with_my_54m_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 24th June 2023** My wife and I have been married since 2001 and together since 1999. She is the most intelligent, thoughtful, caring, loyal person I know, and I have always thought of myself as fortunate to have met and married her. She is, even today, aesthetically beautiful and men have told her this throughout our marriage. She has always shot them down. Earlier this year, she was diagnosed with uterine cancer, stage 1 and had a full hysterectomy. I was never concerned about the cancer, it was diagnosed early, dealt with quickly and she made a full recovery. I took time off work to look after her after the surgery and all seemed well. There were some to-be-expected emotional instances on her part and although I am not an emotional person, we dealt with them together. After her recover, she was insistent that we start “living life to the fullest” and took a 10 day trip to Europe, followed by a trip to Belize. We also have a trip to the UK and Spain/Portugal later this year. I am fine with these things, building memories and crossing bucket-list adventures off her/our list. I also understand that these are a result of feeling fragile on her part. She also took up Yoga, Swimming and healthy cooking classes. I was fully onboard until last week. Last week she came home from work and told me she wanted a “hall pass”. A one-time opportunity for her to have sex with someone else besides me. She said that since her cancer diagnosis her outlook on life has changed and she doesn’t want to be handcuffed from doing things she wants do. She explained that there is this guy at her work that she has always had some attraction to. He is leaving the company and she will never see him again, so this is the perfect opportunity to sleep with someone else. She said that I could say no of course but that she would “be mad/disappointed at me for an indeterminate amount of time and that it would be confirmation of my male toxicity and insecurity.” I don’t consider myself to be toxic and if not wanting your wife of 20+ years to have sex with someone else is insecure than I guess I am insecure. I told her that I appreciated her talking to me about this but approval via coercion is not approval. I also said that I do not appreciate her language in describing my, as of yet, unknown reaction to this very large issue that could affect the rest of our marriage/life. I got up in the morning she basically said that she was sorry for putting such a large decision solely on my shoulders and that to “help” she was taking the decision away from me. She booked a hotel near where her coworkers are having a party/send-off for this guy and she would spend the night there, with him and hoped that I would be here when she got back. That she would answer any questions I have about the night after it happened but not before. She will not tell me who he is or anything about him “because she knows me too well and that I will dwell and obsess over him” and that would make it “too real for me” which is pretty accurate. Her POV is that the less I know the better which contradicts the offer to tell me anything I want to know after it happened. I think she knows I wont want to know/ask anything or she simply will not tell me. Part of me thinks, at least she has been honest with me and she has been through a lot since finding out she had cancer so maybe I should just let it happen. I certainly have no concept of what she went through so I cannot dismiss how this affected her mental state/outlook on life. Part of me wants to put my foot down and say this is not going to happen and deal with those consequences when they happen. Her BFF called me callous for even suggesting that I wouldn’t let it happen, because I have no idea what she went through. I find it hard to believe that she is OK with the possibility of throwing away 20+ years of marriage over some guy that she has had no relationship with outside of work and that I should just call her bluff. Maybe she thinks similarly that I won’t throw away the marriage because of one encounter. I just don’t know what to do. I empathize with her and then an instant later I am angry with her. Part of me wants to know who this guy is? What does he look like, what has he got that is so enthralling for her. Is he just a safe option? Is he married? Does his wife know? Would I be a callous asshole for saying No? What can I do besides walking away? TLDR: Wife battled cancer, won, but now wants to have one night with a soon-to-be former coworker and I have no say in the matter. Accept it or destroy 20+ years of a great marriage.   **Top Comment from** u/Biauralbeats  *Kinda think this is the way your marriage will be from now on. With her epiphany, she wants to relive her life and she is going to do it regardless of your feelings. I think she is being rather selfish and probably only threatens this because she thinks you are beaten down and will simply put up with it. Perhaps not the best time for trips and frills. She wants the single life- let her see what that means.* &#x200B; **OOP replies to some comments** *She thinks because she will never see this guy again and that I have never met him (supposedly) that it wont really affect me or our marriage in the long term.* *I am left with accepting it and never viewing her the same way again or going through a divorce at 54. Not really great options on either front.* *I don't know where her head is and the bout with cancer is affecting her in ways that I couldn't possibly imagine. I don't think she believes I will leave.*   [**Update my cancer survivor wife wanted a "Hall Pass" UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14kszqw/update_my_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a_hall_pass/) **- 28th June 2023** I received a ton of advice that I couldn't possibly respond to. I do appreciate the people who took time to offer advice in the comments or via PM. It has been an exhausting couple of days. I was hoping that my opposition to her plans would give her pause, but unfortunately that did not happen. I said I am a hard no, and I am not sure how I will feel about you, if you go ahead with it. I was met once again with “this is for me, it will be one time, what can I say to help you deal with it, you’ll get over it, we were meant to be regardless of the situation” remarks leading up to Saturday. She left Saturday, ostensibly to meet her coworkers, but in reality fuck the guy. I asked her to text me when she was leaving for the bar and when she did I asked her if she was really going to go through with this. After her response “I am not answering anymore questions tonight, I will see you tomorrow.” I blocked my wife. Then I did something either stupid or brilliant. I went to the bar where the get-together was happening. Well not the bar but a transit bench across the street. I waited for a long time. It was running through my mind the leading up to this event, that I need to know who this guy was, maybe to compare myself against him. To see what he had that I do not. It was driving me crazy not knowing who he was and what was so special about him that she would ruin a marriage for. After what seemed like eternity, a woman that I recognized from my wife’s office left the bar and got in a cab. Soon other people started filing out and a whole group came out and people were hugging a man and shaking his hand. I assumed that I had my guy. I didn’t see my wife and had a brief thought that maybe she called it all off. I unblocked her and there were no messages. Everyone said their goodbyes and left, dude was standing outside for a few minutes and then my wife came out. She looked around, took his hand and started walking away together. Of all the emotions I went through, trepidation, sadness, anger, it was disgust that really encapsulated the event for me. This guy was short, fat, and bald, all the things I cannot compete with. Ultimately, I felt like a pervert for watching from a distance. I followed until they got to the hotel, and then turned around and went home. I woke up Sunday morning and put a lock on the master bedroom door. I moved her things to the spare room and left a note asking her to find other accommodations as quickly as possible. I visited another friend who is a lawyer and he gave me some sage advice and a couple of recommendations for divorce attorneys and made the introductions. My wife had been calling me numerous time since around 11 or so. Once blocked the calls go to voicemail. I listened to the first couple but felt nothing but some satisfaction when she couldn’t get through to me and she was obviously becoming concerned. I didn’t want to go home but I left in such a hurry that I didn’t plan an overnight properly. I got home around 9 and as per my buddy’s advice, I recorded the interaction. I was halfway up the stairs when she came up from the family room asking what was going on? Could we talk? I thought we talked about this? I just answered with I am not interested in discussing this tonight and went to bed. After not getting a response from me through the door she left me alone. I feel kind of like a child for not talking with her and shutting the door on her but I just couldn't look at her. Monday I got up and ready for work, she was waiting for me and asked if we could discuss getting back to normal. I said, you have been doing all the talking for the both of us for the last week, why don’t you continue and left for work. I have an appointment with the attorneys my friend recommended for this week. TLDR: She went ahead with it. I am actually more disgusted by who she chose than the sex itself, if that makes any sense. I asked her to find somewhere else to live.   **Top Comment from** u/RJPONY01 *I can only hope that you've decided to do what's best for you. At the end of the day you're the one that has to live with your decisions. From your previous post it's obvious that your wife, and I use that term merely as a placeholder, has made her decision.* *I know that having something that has been such a huge part of your life end can be daunting, but sometimes it's for the best.* &#x200B; **New Updates from this point forwards** [**Potential Waywards & The BFF**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/15gntho/potential_waywards_the_bff/) **- 2nd August 2023** *The BFF does not have your best interests in mind. The BFF wants to validate their bad choices by encouraging you to make the same ones. The BFF lives for the drama they help create. The BFF is titillated by the details. The BFF cultivates misery. The BFF is a narcissist, who cant help themselves, so if the statement, JUST GO FOR IT, YOU DESERVE IT, HE DOESN’T APPRECIATE YOU, HE DOESN’T RESPECT YOU, and in my case, YOU FACED YOUR OWN MORTALITY AND YOU SHOULDN’T LET ANYONE HOLD YOU BACK FROM DOING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, maybe realize that you should talk with your significant other and explain what you are feeling. You owe it to them to discuss the way you’re feeling about yourself, your partner and your marriage.* &#x200B; **Comments from OOP** *Yeah, once the dust settled I realized that I was desperate to hold on to something that no longer existed. I have initiated divorce proceedings.* *She has regret. Not remorse. Of course those are different things with different meanings. She regrets what has happened because her life is upside down now.* *Someone in a private message asked if her cancer could be back and spread to her brain which I don't know if it has actually happened or not, but I doubt it would make any difference to me at this point. I just don't see her the same way any more.* *I told all her friends husbands about how they enabled this behavior and the fall-out is interesting.* *I said that maybe they are covering for one another, that maybe my wife was just the next link in the chain. This got them going through their wives phones. A couple found inappropriate sexting. All husbands have made their wives cut off my wife (and each other).* **Was BFF one of those sexting?** *Of course. The BFF's husband says that she was definitely in a EA and probably a PA as well. He is still digging.* &#x200B; [**UPDATE I am a loss as to what to do with my (54M) wife (51F) Hall past request**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15hqmal/comment/juqzt5j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 4th August 2023** *Original was deleted, but was preserved in a comment* **UPDATE 2:** My lawyer wasn’t available for a few days, so I was faced with the reality of having to live with my wife in the interim. I really didn’t want to go home and have any discussion, let alone a discussion about our relationship. When I did get home I was basically ambushed by her friends and my mother in-law. Instead of taking the remorseful approach they decided that a full court press was what the situation warranted and I was basically berated by them. The BFF was definitely the ringleader, but all of them decided to say such things as; she’s been through a lot, you don’t know what she’s been through, you have no idea what it is like to face something like this, this was a one time thing, at least she told you she could have hidden it from you, she will never see the guy again, and my favorite, you are an asshole for what you have been putting her through these last couple of days. I listened with a “dumbass smirk” on my face and when there was a lull in their fury, I asked if they were all done now. Then I asked my wife if there was anyone in her circle of friends or anyone else that she forgot to tell about this. I quietly informed all of them that I was going to sit down with their husbands and tell them about how they verbally abusing me, shaming me and trying to coerce me into staying with a cheater. After I told them to leave, I said that I had no say in entire event and so they have no say in whether I stay or not. My STBXW sort of apologized. She said that she regretted the entire thing. I said there is a difference between regret and remorse. You regret what happened because of the cause-and-effect. You have regret because your life will never be the same, our relationship will never be the same because you where wholly and willfully unconcerned about me and what I wanted. She asked if I had any questions that she would answer them now, no matter how disturbing. I said that the one question I do have is Why. Not necessarily why this guy, why this low-end unattractive, unfit guy, but why someone else in the first place? She said that the cancer scared her to her core. She felt like she was rushing toward mortality and stepping out of that tunnel was appealing. She said that after all this time of being a wife, and mother and worrying about family, this was something just for her. An escape. The guy was just someone who was interested in her for a long time, she knew wouldn’t say no and was completely opposite to me. I said if I was going to risk my marriage, the woman would have to be a serious upgrade from you. I told her that I saw you and him coming out of the bar that night. I watched you walk away from the bar hand-in-hand towards the hotel. I said that you looked too familiar with each other and asked if there was something going on before all this. She said no but who knows if that is the truth or not. I said that after all our years together, your lack of respect for me was astonishing. I finished by saying that I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I condoned that level of disrespect and stayed with you. I said I hope we can go our separate ways amicably and that I have an appointment with a lawyer later in the week. I again asked her to find some other accommodations and she simply said, I am not going anywhere. We are not getting a divorce. I will give you all the time you need and do whatever you need to recover from this. We will get past this. She has asked me to go to marriage counseling, which I refused. Why would I go to counseling, I did nothing to warrant needing a therapists advice. I had her served and gave her a notice to vacate (the house is my premarital asset). She has moved in with her mom but I find her constantly coming by to see if I need anything or making suggestions like ‘what if we had an open relationship only on your side or threesomes’, which seems kind of desperate and pathetic. Rebuffing her constantly and telling her she has to call to ask permission before coming by and finally seems to getting through to her that there will be no us going forward. She has said that she will drag the divorce out for as long as possible, but so far has been compliant. The worst part of all this is telling my daughter that we are getting a divorce and why, followed closely by her begging me to give her mom another chance. I am not sure I would have been afforded the same consideration if I was the one who was cheating. TLDR: A lot of unkind things were said but she has been served and has moved out. Divorce is next with me hoping mediation is reasonable and I don’t get screwed in the end. &#x200B; **Comments** **On his daughter:** >I think it was just a gut reaction. In the weeks that have passed, and the more she understands what has happened, the more irritated she is becoming with her mom. **On his wife:** >I loved my wife. I, and others, found her to be stunning (she looks like Linda Carter). Now, knowing that she affaired down so low makes her a non-entity that I could never look at the same way again. No amount of counseling is going to change the way I see her. **Some Q&A:** *Something had to transpire prior to her hotel excursion. There's no way she decided in a matter of a few days to pick and cheat with AP.* >Getting sex is easier for women. Maybe they were involved in a EA before and this was a culmination. I don't really know nor do I care, unless it benefits me during the divorce. > >From what I know all of her friends have cut her off. They are trying like hell to save their own marriages that they are turning on each other. &#x200B; *After vacating your house, is she feeling any remorse? Or is she still thinking you need to get over it as of today. Going NC with WW should be easy since daughter is an adult. What desperate measures has she taken that you haven't mentioned in your post and comments?* >She was stoic and held her position right up until she was served. Then she became visibly upset and resorted to begging, pleading and bargaining. &#x200B; *Really? No Tears? No emotional meltdown?* *I am sorry that happened to you.* *How can she not see what she has done to you? The whole way this went is so surreal, from start to finish. It is like she has a manic or hypomanic episode.You are doing the right thing by divorcing her. Sorry, but there is no love in her anymore.* *You, sir, have not lost your self-respect and have made the right choice. Take care of yourself.* >Plenty of tears, begging and bargaining after the fact, but that maybe just optics. Maybe she fell out of love and now is regretting her new station in life. She's an attractive woman, she will have plenty of men willing to date her, but I won't be one of them. &#x200B; *Wow! Amazing poker face she really thought she owned you.* >She was confident, overly so. *If you ever feel the need to go nuclear, you could reveal the affair to her coworkers. I but that would be a disaster.* >I want her employed so I don't have to pay maintenance even if it was while she was between jobs. > >There is a woman at her work who has always looked at me in an inviting way so maybe I will try to date her after this is over. That would be interesting on a couple of levels. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[New Update] OOP's cancer survivor wife wanted a "Hall Pass"

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15o79jc/new_update_oops_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a/

15o8vdk

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/A14Throwaway **TIFU by painting the walls of my inner walls with glitter** **Originally posted to** r/tifu **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Glitter in inappropriate places!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Painful and squeamish!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/159zrw0/tifu_by_painting_the_walls_of_my_inner_walls_with/) **July 26, 2023** Today I fucked up by turning my insides into a psychedelic art exhibit with purple and white star/hexagon glitter. This all started a couple of weeks ago, but I just bought my first dildo. I wanted to spice up my toy collection, this is KEY to how I set up my own accidental womb sorority party. A week AFTER buying the dildo, I was out at the store buying me and my roommates some groceries, and at the front counter, I noticed in the corner of my eye that this water stress ball, it was soft and was layered with these plastic bumps, without a second thought my horny ass bought it; to take it home and cut it open. I didn't even take the time to scrap off the glitter on the inside before I tied the new, bumpy homemade condom to the dildo. I thought I had my genius Einstein moment there, that I just made this sex-toy experience 100% better (plot twist. it didn't do anything and I just ruined a perfectly good stress ball for no reason) But the fuck up happens later, you see I didn't even bother cleaning off the toy. My logic was that all the messy stuff was over my fucked up stress ball condom machine, so instead of cleaning my toy I just untied and threw away the remains of the stress ball! This happened in the dark, leaving me oblivious to the horror coated over my dildo. The next night, another night in the dark and I'm guessing this is when the Horror entered my body, I used it again. Only after using it, and going to the bathroom to wash the toy, did I notice the sparkles, there were very few and I assumed there were very few from the start so I just forgot about it. Until TODAY I started my period, and to my shock and disgust, waking up to ruined bloody underwear was enough but, Everything, and I mean everything, was covered with glitter, it was all over the place. I've got a pretty heavy flow, and it was like I opened up one of those prank birthday cards, like "HOORAY YOU'RE ON YOUR PERIOD" and now I fear for my life, I feel like a human pinata, but instead of candy, I’m spewing out glitter every time I go to the bathroom. I'm surprised the stress ball massacre wasn't leaving my body any earlier. Microplastics or something, but these glitter pieces are tiny and it's not like I can just go in there and scoop it all out with a Q-tip. I'm pretty sure my insides are going to be the mini version of the aftermath of a pride parade for another couple of months, so yes, today I fucked up, or a few weeks ago I fucked up. TL;DR: TIFU by setting off a glitter bomb in a vagina a few weeks ago and only now, on my period, are the remnants popping up like unwanted children. Using a throwaway because I wouldn't want to disrupt my main page (mostly about my dog) with this horrifying post. ​ EDIT: Yes, I have scheduled an appointment with the gynecologist, I'm pretty sure we can't do anything unless they have this medical procedure of shoving a hose down there and spraying it all out. I'm 75% sure my body will do its magick (literally), and self-cleanse. I'll update you with the gynos reaction next week **RELEVANT COMMENT FROM OOP** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/159zrw0/tifu_by_painting_the_walls_of_my_inner_walls_with/jti3c8k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Since everybody is hellbent on trying to prove I’m a secret 40yr old man wearing the skinsuit of a 22 year old woman, I’ll just say some niche things instead of having to go the whole 10 miles, blasting my birth certificate to prove my gender. Whenever my boobs hurt, even in the slightest, I fear I might have breast cancer (it runs in my family) Discharge is borderline bleach. Sharp ass pains during periods (I kid you not I just had one after finishing writing this comment) Why is one more stretched out than the other? And no I didn’t have the glitter inside me for weeks, it was an exaggeration, at most 3 days. And when I said “spewing out”, It was again an exaggeration; in the morning, yes, there was a lot, but the glitter dwindled in appearance during every bathroom visit. I’m just stupid, not a creep who doesn’t understand women. (and to be completely honest, at the moment I really thought the plastic stress ball would feel good. I’m a fucking idiot, thank you) ALSO WOMEN DON’T GET HORNY WHEN PUTTING IN TAMPONS, I DON’T KNOW WHY THEY KEEP SAYING THAT IN BOOKS, IT’S COMPLETELY FUCKING FALSE. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15chu8v/tifupdate_by_painting_my_inner_walls_with_glitter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 28, 2023** Somebody put me down. 3 days ago I made it known to the world about my fabulous vagina, decorated with glitter accidentally, and how my period came out like one of those bougie drinks. At first, I didn't think much of it, "it'll just pass" I so foolishly thought. Well no, I feel just as stupid as I felt a few days ago, thinking that the glitter won't cause any other damage than just making my pads look like a preschool art project, BUT NOOO. Yeast infection, irritation, It's not like being on my period was bad enough, but now it feels like I have a tree branch on fire up in there as well. I'm sure most of the craft herpes have left me, but their presence was not taken lightly by my body. I just want to go back in time and sit my past self down to have a long talk about sex education and how to take care of my toy, or maybe just slap her across her stupid horny face. It just... hurts. Like I want to cry kind of hurt, and I don't think I will be able to wait for the gynecologist appointment next week. Trust me I tried going to a walk-in but they swore up and down there was nothing they could do about it, I hate the healthcare system. Once again, it just seems to getting worse, and worse, I fucked up. ​ TL;DR: Unknowingly put fine glitter in my vagina about a week back, got my period, found out the glitter was there and now I have a yeast infection bad enough to start my own bakery. Bread recipes anyone? **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >Thank you for the comments on the last post for giving me some creative names for my situation, I'll definitely use them if I have any more updates after this * >Oh and to whoever gave me that confetti award. You are a cruel but upsettingly funny person. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by painting the walls of my inner walls with glitter

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15o8vdk/tifu_by_painting_the_walls_of_my_inner_walls_with/

15o9j3u

Originally posted by u/ilivewithcatz in r/ on July 28, '23 updated on July 31, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Animal cruelty!< Mood Spoiler: >!cruelty is not super intense, happy ending!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15c6869/aita_for_kicking_out_my_cousins_boyfriend_even/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)** July 28, '23 &nbsp; AITA for kicking out my cousin's boyfriend even though it's my cousin's house? This happened an hour ago and I havent told my cousin yet. My cousin "Janna" lost her parents when she was young. Her parents left her with a big house (almost like a mansion) and a lot of assets/money. She's a few years older than I am and graduated early, and she's also very successful in her field. Ever since last year, I've been living with her since my college is 20 minutes away. The condition was, I take care of her cats for the most part when she's at work (most of my classes are online). By cats, I mean 15 senior cats with special needs or special medications, 3 foster kittens and 2 other cattos without health problems. She has the space and money to take care of them all. She also has a vet regularly come in. My "job" is to feed them, play with them, give the older ones medicine, clean the litter, make sure nothing is off with the very old ones, and etc. I take my job seriously and love these cats to death. Janna has been seeing this guy for a year or two. An hour ago, he dropped by to wait for Janna and surprise her by "taking care" of the cats. He kept pestering the cats, forcing them to cuddle with him, doing that machine gun cat video thingy, recording tiktoks of him scaring the older and skittish cats. He almost kicked one of the kittens really hard because he was chasing around another cat. I've been telling him off but and trying to give him one of the cuddle bug cats, but he just wants to terrorize the skittish ones. The last straw was when it was time for meds. Some of the cats are on meds for the rest of their lives and I'm really scared to miss one of their doses. This dude catches the senior cat, manhandled the cat, the poor old gentleman peed on him. He let's go and started to yell at the cat. That was the last straw. I understand I had no right to kick him out since it wasn't my house. But I just got so angry and started calling him names and told him to get the fuck out. He wouldn't leave at all and I had to ask the neighbor to help me drag him out (very nice dude). And well, now he threatening me to have my cousin kick me out, and texting me that I had no right to kick him out. And I'm also an asshole for getting strangers involved. I dont think I was an asshole, but it wasn't my house in the first place. AITA? *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/ILiveWithCatz/comments/15ekvp9/aita_update_for_kicking_out_my_cousins_boyfriend/)** July 31, '23 &nbsp; Sorry for not responding to the comments, I got extremely anxious about the situation. My cousin called me as soon as she was done with her meeting. I frantically explained the situation, and I apologized for overstepping my bounds but I thought it was the best that he got kicked out. Once my cousin got home, she checked up on all the kitties and talked to the neighbor. Neighbor explained that I was begging for help to get this guy out of the house because he was harassing the cats (neighbor knows we have A LOT of cats because of an outdoor-netted catio). Well, I'm not sure what he said but she dumped him. She said I did the right thing and thanked me. All the locks have been changed just in case. All the cats are okay and back to their happy little routine. :) &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for kicking out my cousin's boyfriend even though it's my cousin's house?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15o9j3u/aita_for_kicking_out_my_cousins_boyfriend_even/

15oahic

Originally posted by u/apprehensive-you-913 in r/AmItheAsshole on Aug 3, '23 updated 10 hrs later. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Mental health, high risk pregnancy, miscarriage!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15h93am/aita_if_i_uninvite_my_sil_whos_in_love_with_my/)** Aug 3, '23 &nbsp; AITA if I uninvite my SIL who's in love with my husband? AITA if I uninvite my (32f) SIL (30f), I'll call her Tina, from my baby shower because I think she's in love with my husband? My husband (33m) and I met each other at a ski lodge 9 years ago. I was with my young daughter and a female friend and her child. My husband was with his 2 brothers and 3 sisters and a few friends. There was a singing competition and both of us were set up by our friends to enter it. Sparks flew during our duet and the rest is history. Back to our first meeting. This was the 1st time I caught on to my SIL's disturbing behavior. After the singing competition, he and I went to the cafe to chat. His middle sister, Tina, who was adopted at birth, came storming up to us and demanded he come back to their group. She never looked at me and whined when he shut her down. She ran off crying and apparently took her sister's room keycards and locked them out so they had to stay with the friends in their room. Fast forward to when we bought a house together. We had a housewarming and invited family and close friends. Tina showed up in a sexy club outfit. She ignored me the entire time and hung all over my husband (bf at the time). She kept recalling tales of them when they were little and how close they were. She'd kiss him on the cheek, hug him, and touched his arm when laughing, he was visibly uncomfortable so I stepped in. At first, I just thought she had a crush on him, but the way she was acting looked like she was the girlfriend and not me. She was going around reminding/telling everyone that he use to say he never wanted to have kids, but now he's playing daddy to my daugther. One of my friends said she thought Tina was weird for talking about how "hot" his modeling photos were when he did print work back in college and that her favorite photo was of them at a beach in Hawaii during a family vacation a few years back. The most bizarre thing she told a few people was that he had never dated a woman of color before and now all of a sudden he's in love. It's only bizarre to me because she's biracial, so I don't know why this would bother her, unless she's jealous of me because she wished she were me. Then things go south at the end of the night when he gets down on one knee and proposes to me. She started crying and ran to the restroom. Their dad went to check on her and then drove her home. I knew exactly why she was upset, but my husband always equated her behavior to jealously because she never had healthy relationships. After that tantrum, she skipped our wedding, baby shower, our children's birthday parties, and other family events that we attended. I was fine with extending invitations because I knew she wasn't going to show up. She had some sort of mental break down and was in and out treatment for years. Now I have to say, I wish nothing but the best for her and I don't know what kind of issues she's going through, but I don't want her disrupting our peace. I'm currently pregnant and our baby shower is at the end of this month. I'm having it a few months early because I'm at risk for going into labor early, like I did with my other two children. My MIL called to RSVP and stated Tina would be riding with them and if it was ok if she brought her new boyfriend. I was surprised because we hadn't seen her in years, but I was apprehensive to agree. Eventually, I did agree and hoped that she resolved whatever caused her so much distress when she was around my family. Well it took all of 24 hours for her to start her nonsense. She text my husband paragraphs at 3am telling him him how she felt about our family. First, she went on to say how much she missed them being close and how I came in and destroyed their close relationship, when I barely said 50 words to her in 9 years. She asked him if he was happy with his life because again, he use to say he never wanted kids or to get married. She then asked if he thought about her in all this time and if he could meet up with him before the shower and talk alone, face to face. That was the last straw for me. I asked my husband if he knew she was in love with him and he just shrugged and said he didnt't doubt my theory. Apparently, when she was 11, she asked if they could cuddle and kiss and he said no. He admits her behavior since then has always been weird and dramatic, but he didn't pay her much attention because there were many siblings and they all hung out all the time. I asked him if he could uninvite her and this "new boyfriend" because I think she's going to bring drama to our baby shower. He said he wants to talk to his parents first to see what kind of state she's been in, but I know in my gut that she's ready to ruin our day with her theatrics. So AITA for wanting to uninvite her to the baby shower? Edit: For those of you wondering if anything intimate ever happened between them, the answer is no. I am 100% certain of this. He has a total of 3 adopted siblings (2f and 1m). He says he sees them as blood-related siblings because the 3 of them were adopted at birth. He's the 2nd youngest, and they're all within 1-4 years of each other, so all he knows them as siblings. He said he chooses to ignore her because she's always been dramatic. He's always worried about her physical safety because she's suffered from depression for as long as he can remember so he tries to handle things gently. He's not opposed to uninviting her, but he does want to know what his parents think about her mental state and whether she can behave. 2nd Edit: So I keep seeing something about High School Musical. I'm a little too old to have watched that show/movie, but didn't know about that plot. I changed some details of how we met so this post wouldn't be immediately recognizable, but it's very much, unfortunately, my life right now. My husband is on his way home right now, despite having another 3 hours left at work, because his phone kept blowing up. He didn't sound good on the phone, but he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I don't want to call back his mom and other sister to ask what's going on, but I'll try to post an update when, hopefully, we come to a final solution because I'm stressed and over this. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reveddit.com/v/AITAH/comments/15h93am/aita_if_i_uninvite_my_sil_whos_in_love_with_my/)** 10 hrs later &nbsp; **UPDATE: *** This will probably be my last update since my husband and I decided that we need to be completely removed from SIL's drama/trauma so we can focus on having a healthy pregnancy and family life. I have an appointment with a perinatologist (a high-risk prenatal doc) tomorrow morning that was scheduled weeks ago to check on the baby. Thank you to those who were concerned about me and the baby. So I don't even know where to start, so I apologize if this update seems all over the place. I also have to point out for the person who went through my comment history. I switched the numbers, genders, and event details so I wasn't as easily identified in real life. I have a professional license so if someone recognized me and thought I was being unethical due to the nature of the post (I've avoided certain verbiage because of my job), I could be brought in for a review, which I would much like to avoid so I'm sorry I can't be 100% truthful with all of the details. I tried my best to keep the most important information as factual as possible. My husband ran home because Tina BLEW UP his phone, texting and calling. Now, my husband ALWAYS texts or calls me on his lunch break to check on me, even before the pregnancy, so I knew something was wrong when he didn't. Since he left Tina on read, she started calling and sending a slew of unwarrented and degrading texts about me and our children, so basically Tina being Tina. He didn't run it by me, but he sent her a long paragraph, which he showed me when he got home, basically telling her off and told her that he would rather never speak to her again than listen to her talk bad about our family. He told her she would never be invited to any of our family functions and that she needed to check herself back into the hospital if she thought their sibling relationship was ever closer than it actually was. He closed it by saying he would let the family know the reason she was uninvited and that he hoped she's either seeing a therapist or would find one immediately. I'm not surprised at his response because the things she said pushed him to that breaking point. I think the worst thing she said was that my 2 miscarriages years ago, which would have been our first child together, was caused because we don't actually belong together and that my body couldn't even carry any of my children to term (32 and 33 weeks deliveries). I expected her to bring something like this up, but I could tell it really hurt him, and that's why he didn't hold back from her. He then blocked her and told me he's changing our phone numbers. He called his parents and the oldest/bio sister, whom he is close with, and explained to them why she's never allowed to visit our home. He shared all of their text exchanges, and they were mortified. He asked them not to share our address and when we changed to new numbers. They assured us that none of them shared this information with her because she actually asked for his work schedule and mentioned driving up a day early to "surprise" him. My FIL had the most to say, and I get it. It's his baby girl, but he hadn't shared much info beforehand with anyone besides his wife. He said he always knew she had a "little crush" on him, but after her outburst at our housewarming years ago, they had a conversation about her behavior and she told him that she had been keeping a diary about him since she was a teenager. She explained it was to process her emotions and to challenge negative thoughts. All I heard was that she wrote about him FOR YEARS! So there's several journals in their home, probably enforcing her beliefs. Apparently, she only stayed away from my husband because my FIL kept her in check and was able to get her hospitalized several times for being a threat to herself. I don't know if all her issues stem from her unrequited love for him, typing that just made me nauseous, but I hope she gets the help she desperately needs. He asked that they speak with her about his last text, but that we don't want to know the outcome. They told us they would deal with her and apologized for thinking she had resolved her issues. My in-laws are saints, and I thanked them for believing us and keeping her away for all these years. Luckily, she's currently living with them due to her issues, so they're going to speak to her tomorrow morning. The bio SIL called me when we got off the phone with the in-laws. She told me that she was really sorry because she's the one who hooked the new bf and Tina up and suggested that she show him off at the baby shower, but admitted they had only been dating for like 2 weeks. She said she sent the texts Tina sent to my husband to her the bf (because that's one of her best guy friends and she wanted to protect him) so I'm pretty sure they're probably not a thing anymore. I'm kind of nervous how Tina will deal with two rejections so close together. The two sisters aren't that close, and she was audibly disgusted to find out that her sister has been pining for their brother all these years. She has a theory, though. She thinks it started with the older bio brother, Sean, because when Tina was little, she would follow Sean around all the time. He's older, so he went off to college abroad. Tina was about 10, and then he permanently moved to Europe. It seems like the crush transferred to my husband when Sean left. Sean hasn't been back to the States since he graduated high school, and no one really has contact with him, so she said she can't call and ask him about it. I have to admit I'm kind of curious and would have been interested in hearing what Sean had to say, but I'll rest assured knowing our involvement in the whole thing is over. Someone pointed out that Tina is potentially dangerous and could hurt me or our children, and this really scared me. My husband is going to upgrade our alarm system and purchased more cameras. I don't work summers and will most likely be out on bed rest by the time I have to go back to work, so he wanted to ensure the kids and I were safe when he's away from the house. I forgot to mention we live about 5 hours away, so she would really have to go out of her way to show up here if she somehow found out where we live. So that's it, basically. This will most likely be my only update. I also want to point out for those that think my husband was intimate with her at some point to cause her erratic behavior, if that were the case, she would have loved to throw that in my face over and over. Plus, a guilty man would have tried to silence her a long time ago to keep me from finding out. You don't have to trust him, but I do. Thanks again for all the helpful input. I'm feeling a little more at ease and can't wait to see our closest friends and family at our shower. &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as OP's husband has blocked the sister and is taking steps to keep her out of their life* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA if I uninvite my SIL who's in love with my husband?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oahic/aita_if_i_uninvite_my_sil_whos_in_love_with_my/

15oax9g

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/canada11235813 **in** r/tifu. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Mention of sexual content!< mood spoilers: >!embarrassment, anxious anticipation, reflection!< --- &nbsp; ###[**TIFU by accidentally liking an Instagram photo and now my life is probably over**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15agd8b/tifu_by_accidentally_liking_an_instagram_photo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, July 26, 2023* My (55M) daughter (21F) still lives at home, but has full autonomy here. But I like to know what's going on, so when she texted that she's bringing a few friends over after school, it wasn't to ask permission... just to let us know there might be a few more people over for dinner. No prob... who, I asked? She mentioned a few names I recognized and one I didn't. Let's call her Sally. Who's Sally? Just another friend from Uni. OK, sounds good, see you later. My idle curiousity led me to Instagram, just wondering who Sally is. I looked up my daughter's IG list of who she follows, and found only one Sally whose profile indicated she attended the same Uni as my daughter. Obviously her. That would've been it, except her profile caught my attention... because unlike most of her friends who have them set on private, this one was wide open to the public and it's one of these typical young-beautiful-woman profiles full of selfies in exotic clothes and poses. I scroll down a bit and of course there are beach pics from last summer and like any normal red-blooded male, it catches my attention. No, I'm not into girls my daughter's age, I'm not some perv. But when those sorts of pictures show up on your phone, most guys would be lying if they told you it didn't catch their attention for a closer look. Anyway, I pause the scroll there and I screw up because I double tap it, and that dreaded big red "LIKE" heart shows up, right on some very revealing bikini pic. My actual heart actually stops for a moment too, I'm sure of it. I instantly unlike it, but, of course, the damage is done. Somewhere, Sally's phone just got a notification that some user whose account shares the same last name as my daughter -- liked that pic. So, Sally will mention this to my daughter and I will be a dead man, and that's it. It's been nice knowing you all. I realize there may be a saving grace here, which is that Sally, with her 20k followers and thousands of likes per pic might have notifications turned off, in which case this is a non-issue. Or, she gets so many notifications, she won't notice because she ignores them and then clears them in bunches. Perhaps that's wishful thinking. Or, as per above, I'm dead. I don't really see many other alternatives. For the moment, until I hear anything from someone, I feel like I'm anywhere from totally in the clear... to dead. Like I'm strapped into Schrödinger's Electric Chair, waiting to find out which way the lever will fall. **TL;DR:** Accidentally liked my daughter's friend's bikini pic on IG. &nbsp; ###**UPDATE:** Man, this really blew up in just a short amount of time. I can't reply to every comment, but happy to address some of the common themes... and, below that, what ultimately happened. **One:** First and foremost, perhaps it's the way I wrote it, or perhaps it's the way people just want to lash out at others for no real reason because their mind is already made up... but the point is this... there's a tremendous difference between finding something attractive, and being attracted to it. I will freely admit, and call me what you want, that many women in their 20s posing in bikinis are attractive. Am I attracted to them, to the extent I'd approach and message and "shoot my shot" with them? No. But 200,000 years of evolutionary instinct is hard to fight, so if I'm at the beach and a pretty young woman walks by, I'm probably going to look. Like most people, men and women, young or old, for their own reasons, are also going to look. It's not creepy. It's simply being human. All of these "yOu'Re A pErV!!!!1!!!!" comments lead me to ask you gatekeepers of what's creepy or not the following question. If someone on a beach -- or with a public-facing IG profile obviously meant to get views -- isn't meant to be looked at, who is deciding it? Like in this case, 21F young woman, who's allowed to look at the profile? 25M? 30M? 35M? How about a 21M incel psycho? How about a 65F predatory lesbian? My feeling, clearly not shared by everyone, is that if you're putting yourself out on display, you're going to get looked at. I think that's actually the idea, and there's a far cry between being admired from a distance and having someone actually take it to any next step. **Two:** Amused at many people asking for the IG account so they can see for themselves and perhaps flood my like out of the way... lol, no. **Three:** I'm convinced she didn't see it because I unliked it right away and as many people are saying, if it's within 5 seconds, it never went out. I'm pretty sure my unlike was within 5 milliseconds. And, here's the update... daughter and friends and Sally showed up. There was zero hint of anything. No weird looks, no lingering glances, no little giggles. Very nice and normal dinner conversation, and that was it. Then the girls got all dolled up in pink and glossy lipstick and went off to the movies. Probably off to see Oppenheimer. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I accidentally liked an Instagram photo and now my life is probably over

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/

15ob4dj

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/throwawayred2blue **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!mention of drunk driving, alcoholism!< mood spoilers: >!Tension, resolution, hope!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA for telling my fiancé that his best friend can’t be his best man?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gb0hkq/aita_for_telling_my_fiancé_that_his_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, April 30, 2020* I know how it sounds. My fiancé (29M) is an amazing guy - sweet, funny, attractive, and hard-working. I (29F) was impressed with him from the moment I met him and we’ve been together 6 years. We are devoted to each other and working toward building our shared life. We each put a percentage of our earnings into two funds: one for our wedding (which is a year away) and another for a down payment on a home. We each pay the same percentage, but I pay a much larger amount because I went into a higher income field. We’ve budgeted it out pretty well. At this rate, we’ll have enough to buy a home around the same time as our wedding, as planned. As to the wedding, we both wanted a small one, and my fiancé and I decided to have a destination wedding. We are paying for the entire wedding ourselves. My family’s pretty poor, so I’ve also been saving a portion of my remaining paycheck to be able to pay for all of them to come to the wedding for free. I’m also paying for one of my bridesmaids who went into teaching and doesn’t make much. My fiancé wouldn’t really have the disposable cash to do that, but his family can afford to pay (somewhat wealthy) and is happy for the vacation. The problem arose last week. My fiancé’s best friend Tom (30M) who he asked to be his best man, got in an accident. It was likely entirely his fault as he was riding his motorcycle drunk. He suffered significant injuries, is going to have some major medical bills, and admitted to my fiancé he doesn’t think he can afford to come. My fiancé wants to pay for him (several thousand dollars) and lend him money to help cover his medical bills. But, especially with everything going on, my fiancé does not have and is unlikely to be able to get the money to do either. I could afford to do both, but I don’t want to. Truthfully, I can’t stand this friend. He often rides or drives drunk, does not have a job, makes snarky comments about my fiancé that he insists are just jokes (but that I know actually affect my fiancé), and lives in his parents basement while ignoring their well-being. I was willing to have him up there as best man because my fiancé considers him a brother and it’s his choice. I wasn’t happy about it, but I wasn’t about to throw a tantrum about it. But with everything going on, my fiancé has suggested taking a huge chunk of our savings for a house to help, and I said no. We got in a huge fight and he called me selfish and cruel, at which point I lost it, told him his loser friend did this to himself, and that there was no way in hell I’d pay anything for his sorry ass. I ended by saying, “if he can’t afford to come, he can’t be your best man.” He hasn’t spoken to me since last night and slept in the couch. While I still think I’m on solid footing, I wonder if I went to far. AITA? ***OOP added in the comments*** Just wanted to clarify: I am not paying for most of my friends. Most of our friends are young, without kids, and with good incomes, who travel a lot anyway. We chose a destination wedding in part because 2 of our close friends had one last year that a group of us went to and enjoyed. We told our friends our plans before making arrangements and made clear that we wouldn’t be upset if anyone couldn’t or didn’t want to join to due to costs. The one friend I’m paying for is one of my oldest friends who I knew wouldn’t be able to afford it because she chose to go into teaching. She also came to the wedding last year, after several of us pooled funds to pay for her, because she chose a meaningful, needed, and underpaid profession. Since I wanted her as a bridesmaid, I just told her straight up that I would pay for her. Same with my family - they mostly don’t have much money, so I have been putting aside part of my paycheck (outside of what we put into shared accounts) to pay for it. If I wasn’t spending it on them, that money would be going into my retirement account. I am able to do that because I chose a more stressful profession to ensure I’d be able to build up funds. My fiancé intentionally chose a less demanding profession that he really enjoys but that pays way less than he could make with his degree, because he has less concerns about money. His family is well-off, so he never worried about being able to pay for their retirement or medical care. As a result, he has more free time, more enjoyment of his job, but does not have disposable cash right now. So I’m happy to pay for my friend and my family because I chose to sacrifice a lot of career enjoyment to ensure I would be able to have extra money for things like this, and my friend and family have done nothing wrong. His friend does not deserve anything from me and moreover, I’m not interested in enabling his shitty behavior by bailing him out and paying for a free vacation. I’m not actually paying for my friend or family out of the joint account. My fiancé and I pay a big percentage of each of our own incomes into joint accounts for various things, but we each keep the remainder of our paychecks as our own personal spending money. I usually spend mine on small things for me, on things for us (like our yearly vacations) or on my retirement funds. To pay for my friend/family, I’ve been putting less in my retirement fund. But none of it comes out of our shared funds; I keep paying the full agreed upon amounts isn’t those. ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; ####**EDIT** Thank you to everyone that’s responded - I will try to work through all of those this evening. I just wanted to make an edit based on a question/issue a lot of people have brought up: our finances. To clarify, we have talked about everything, especially financial expectations, to make sure we’re on the same page. My fiancé’s dad is a family law attorney, and as soon as it became clear we were in it for the long-term, he sat us down, discussed with us the common pitfalls he saw that ended relationships, and gave us his advice to avoid them. His advice revolves largely around open communication and setting expectations and boundaries early, especially around money. So when we each graduated, we talked about the career paths we wanted. My fiancé decided he’d rather take a lower paying job, with normal hours, less stress, and more time outside of work. He wasn’t worried about helping his parents out later in life, because they are very well set up. He also wasn’t worried that much about developing a big retirement account, because he’s very likely to inherit enough to survive on comfortably. I, on the other hand, likely will not have any inheritance and will want to provide for my parents medical expenses and retirement as they get older. I also have a good amount of student loan debt (he doesn’t because his parents could afford to pay for it) and while we both really enjoy traveling, he’d be willing to cut back on it significantly to have an easier job year-round. I wouldn’t want to burden him with those costs (the ones that I brought into the relationship), as I feel that would natural cause resentment, especially if it meant he had to work a job he enjoyed less to help share the costs with me. So I took a high stress job that I don’t enjoy and that requires me to work longer hours, but that pays significantly more. We agreed we each should be able to make that choice and decided a fair way to handle finances would be to: 1. create a joint account for common expenses: rent, bills, food, entertainment, work clothes. At his father’s suggestion, we put in writing specifically what the fund could be used for, agreed that anything outside that list would need to be approved by both of us, and that if the account is dissolved, we each get back what we put in and we split any interest evenly. We each pay in 35% of our incomes. Because of the difference in our incomes, about 80% of the fund ultimately come from my income, which I think is reasonable because we’re a team, we’re building a life together, and the difficulties of my job invariably affect him too. 2. We create other joint savings accounts as needed for new projects, each the same way - with a written agreement as to what they can be used for. We have one for the house (each pay 20% of our incomes) and one for the wedding (each pay 10%). 3. We each get to keep the remaining 35% for our personal spending. My fiancé does not have that much left over - he has some taken out pre-taxes for a 401k and he uses the rest for his car and a few hobbies. Right now he voluntarily went part-time because his work place was going to need to fire people if they didn’t get volunteers due to the current situation, and we’re in a good position otherwise, so he has pretty much no disposable income. I have a ton, but it goes mostly toward yearly vacations for us, my student loans (I’m paying twice what is owed each month to pay them down), my retirement account, an account set up for my parents future expenses, and my car payments. Right now it is also going toward helping with his car payments and hobbies. So yes, I could cut back on certain things and be able to pay for his friend, but it would affect those other things that I’ve worked hard for. I realize this system would not work for everyone, but it works for us, and I am definitely not financially abusing my fiancé. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: AITA for telling my fiancé his best friend can’t be his best man**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hoexje/update_aita_for_telling_my_fiancé_his_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, July 10, 2020* It’s been a little over two months since my original post and a lot has happened. In the days after that argument, my fiancé and I had a number of heart to hearts. We each apologized for how we behaved. He admitted that his friend had done some terrible things and, after some soul searching, that he and his friend do not have a healthy relationship. He loves the guy, as his friend had been there for him through some tough times, but knows Tom needs to change. I thought hard about several of the comments made on the original post, and made a tough choice. I told him that I hated the idea of bailing Tom out, and would never agree to help with his medical bills, but provided Tom made some effort to change, I would pay for him to come to the wedding with my own separate funds. I love my fiancé more than anything and I don’t want anything to mar our wedding or the start of our marriage. Long story short, we sat down with Tom’s parents (who were also fed up with him and had previously refused to help with any bills) to discuss the best way to help him. We all ultimately agreed that we would cover some of his costs (us the wedding and his parents the medical bills), but only if he accepted responsibility for what he’s done and hit some concrete milestones toward changing, including successfully completing a program at an in-patient treatment facility for his addictions. All four of us sat down with him to make this offer. I won’t go into details, but it didn’t go well. My fiancé finally lost it and told Tom that he’d stuck by him through years of shitty choices, and that if Tom wouldn’t get help, he didn’t even want him as a friend, much less a best man. Tom told us all to fuck off. We hadn’t seen or heard from him since, and it has been incredibly hard on my fiancé. Then, this past weekend, my fiancé received a text from Tom. It wasn’t long, but thanked for everything he had done for Tom, apologized “for everything” and let him know that he was on his way to a treatment facility. He hoped he could stand at my fiancé’s side at our wedding, like my fiancé had always stood at his. My fiancé is trying to be cautious, but it clearly meant so much to him, and I know he believes against all odds that his friend will become a better man. I have my doubts, but you know what? I hope he does too. Thanks to everyone that gave me advice, let me feel heard, and helped me become a little better as well. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for telling my fiancé that his best friend can’t be his best man?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ob4dj/aita_for_telling_my_fiancé_that_his_best_friend/

15orzql

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]

[ Removed by Reddit ]

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15orzql/removed_by_reddit/

15ou6tg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/hentaithrowaway2023 **My (21F) boyfriend (25M) cannot seem to stop looking at hentai.** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Porn addiction, sexual fetish, lolicon!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15etffw/my_21f_boyfriend_25m_cannot_seem_to_stop_looking/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **July 31, 2023** We met at an anime convention and he loved my cosplay. We talked, and a month later, we started dating. He's the best person anyone could ask for; he buys me whatever I want (he bought me a $2000~ gaming PC for last Christmas) and cares a lot about me. He spends a ton of time with me and does his best to visit me as much as possible despite being 4 hours away. Here's the problem: When we're together, whether it's laying in bed or in public, he always has some sort of hentai on his phone. It ranges from the petite ones to the overly busty ones. He swears it's not a problem and "it's just a meme", but I literally do not see a single waking moment of him not having hentai on his phone or computer. Even if im trying to have a conversation with him, he just has to scroll through the copious amounts of hentai on his phone. I talked about it to him as well. I said that that stuff needs to be kept in private or to at least try to hide it, but he claims that it's "their problem if they see his phone", or that "he can look at hentai on his own computer at his own home" when at the apartment. He keeps saying “If I keep working out then it’s okay” which doesn’t make much sense to me, but at least he’s hot(???). It also concerns me that he spends a lot of money on hentai as well. I don’t like to ask him about his finances as it’s not my place, but from what I know he does have some debt that he could be paying off, but instead spends $500 a month on hentai and claims he’s supporting artists. When we first started dating he made his phone background a picture of me which was really sweet, but shortly after it was a new hentai picture every week. Same with his computer background, but he has since changed it to a light brown background for an unknown reason. We have a great sex life as well. Although I would prefer to do it more than 2 times a week, we still have a lot of fun when we are together. Although I will admit I can be a bit insecure sometimes and think that he rather just look at hentai than be with me. I'm not sure if I'm overstepping my boundaries here, but I can say at the very least it makes me uncomfortable. It's not the type of hentai he looks at, but the sheer volume of it. How do I help him to at least cool it? I have tried to do that but he just disregards me. Or am I in the wrong for being uncomfortable? EDIT: I just wanted to add that the main reason I mentioned that he spends so much money on me is because his love language is gift giving and he shows his affection for me through gifts. I should have included this before, but I never asked for anything that he has given me and I do appreciate that he supports me, but that is definitely not the only reason I’m with him. We have a great relationship. He really is the best thing thats ever happened to me and I love that we can really have mature conversations about anything and laugh together and we share so many hobbies. This is the only thing that bothers me. Also I don’t judge him for what he is into. I know everyone is into some weird stuff and if it isn’t hurting anyone then it’s not that big of a deal, but I do wish he was more conscious that the amount of it is a problem. EDIT #2: For some context we are long distance and have been together for 2 years. I visit him whenever I’m on break from college and while I’m in school he tries to visit me once every month or two for a weekend. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Intothefrayy** >He has a porn addiction and clearly has no intention to stop. You should cut your losses early. >Something else to think about - What do you actually like about your bf? You say he showers you with money and drives to see you but what about his personality? Think about what you truly want in a partner before getting in another relationship **OOP replied** >>I forgot to mention in my post we’ve been dating for 2 years and he’s my first boyfriend. But he genuinely does care about me. His love language is gift giving so thats why I mention that he gives me a lot of things, but we have great deep conversations about everything, we play games and watch anime together. We have a great relationship. We can disagree about things and still have a mature relationship. I respect him as a person a lot. He has gone through a lot of difficult situations, but he’s a really strong and smart guy. This is really the only thing that I think there’s a problem with. **Intothefrayy** >>>So let me get this right. Everyday for 2 years he’s spent every waking second looking at porn even though he knows it upsets you. He takes breaks to play games with you and then goes back to watching porn. He does not care about you enough to respect your feelings. Please respect yourself and boundaries enough to not accept this kind of behaviour [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15j83mg/update_my_21f_boyfriend_25m_cannot_seem_to_stop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 5, 2023** Update: I know it’s been a couple days so I thought I’d give an update. Yesterday I saw him looking at loli hentai so I decided to ask why it was so important to look at this all the time. He kept telling me “you wouldn’t understand” so I asked if there was anyway I implement his interests in our intimate life and why he likes this so much and he said “that’s the only thing my penis can satisfy.” I’m not exactly sure if he was joking or why he would think that, but I laughed a bit too hard at that and forgot about it because it felt like the conversation wasn’t going anywhere. Today I decided to follow the majority of people's advice and break it off with him. I sat him down for a conversation and showed him my Reddit post. We went through all of the PMs, which the majority of you said to end it. He said that he was sorry and he would go to therapy and fix it. Many of you guys said it was a lost cause and that it would never stop so I told him that. He sat quiet for a good amount of time and said he understands. I told him that I'd be friends with him still and go through therapy with him, but both that problem was not something I was comfortable with for the long run and that I was concerned about our age gap (also a thing you guys brought up. I disagreed with it at first, but it was brought up a lot.) so I mentioned that if he was only with me because I looked young then he should get help, but that I can’t be with someone who disrespects me and isn’t considerate of my feelings. He said that "won't matter" and that I'll "never see him again after today" (My flight leaves tomorrow). It's honestly really sad to see him cut ties so quickly, but if you guys think it's better for me, then hopefully it'll be better for him, too. I hope he finds someone that can help him or enjoy hentai with him. He's been through a lot in life though, so I know he's strong enough to get through this. Thanks for the advice everyone! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (21F) boyfriend (25M) cannot seem to stop looking at hentai.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ou6tg/my_21f_boyfriend_25m_cannot_seem_to_stop_looking/

15ovx8h

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ForeverNext9357](https://www.reddit.com/user/ForeverNext9357/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole and their own page. **Trigger Warning:** >!controlling partner!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful but not perfect!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15dtmic/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_her_share_of_the/)**: July 30, 2023** (English is not my first language etc) A little backstory: we came from an extremely sexist family. For example, my brother got a car, 75% of our parents' estate (a big farm, lands, and all the machinery for it) and they paid for his college. My oldest sister had to take out loans, so she can finish her education. I never went to college because of my undiagnosed ADHD (now I'm in therapy and start to become okay-ish) but I have money because of sheer dumb luck. My younger sister (22F) started college two years ago. My parents offered to pay to rent a room after she didn't get a scholarship and a room in the dorms. I offered her to pay her scholarship and some extra for groceries, stating that I put aside “college fund” for all girls in our family (my two daughters, my sister, a younger cousin, and a niece). This is just one account, and in my will, it stated it has to be divided between these girls (my lil sister is the oldest, and everybody else is between 6-12) for college expenses, and the ones who already finished college by the time I died, gets nothing from that account. (if I have more nieces, I'll add them too) Now to the problem: My sister decided to drop out, get pregnant and marry (planned) with her boyfriend/fiancè of six months. I try not to be disappointed (I am, but I shut the F up IRL about it). Today was the big announcement (I knew it beforehand, so I could act all happy) and after the lunch, she pulled me aside and asked to the “leftover of her college fund”. I explained to her, that there is no “her fund” (I already did this when she started college) and I'll be happy to pay for her tuition if she goes back someday, but she has to give me proof that she does to college (she pocketed the last semester’s payment because she failed to inform me about her dropping out, and I sent her the money) She freaked out because she counted on that money for a downpayment for a three-bedroom apartment (co-owning with fiancè), but I stood firm on my decision. She accused me of trying to control her with my money, and punishing her because she choose a different path in life (being a SAHM, and not having a career) Our mom pointed out that it wasn't really “feminist of me” to not support her in this. ***OOP is voted NTA*** *Feminism has nothing to do with this:* "Feminism is used as a derogatory curse word here." *Undiagnosed ADHD:* "I got my diagnosis 3years ago (I'm 31) so I struggled through elementary/high school and got labeled as misbehaving/stupid kid." *More on why OOP is doing this:* "I'm only doing this because I watched our older sister struggle through college, cuz even she had a scholarship, and student loan, she was BROKE. She lived shitty, cockroach-infested studio apartment with a weirdo roommate, she had to skip meals if she ran out the care packages from home (at least she got those)" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/ForeverNext9357/comments/15it60f/update_on_my_sister/)**: August 5, 2023 (6 days later)** I couldn't post an update on AITA, so here it is. Anticlimactic ad. UPDATE AITA for not giving my sister her share of the “college fund”? I decided to give you guys an update about the situation, with some extra info. About the last semester’s payment: lil sister offered to pay me back, it's sitting on her account. I gifted it to her a “baby and wedding” contribution from me. And the “college fund” was a full misunderstanding, she actually thought that it's going to be divided between all girls while I'm alive. I explained her why is not gonna happen, and went into great details about our older sister’s college experience. (she was actually horrified). So it's all good between us, but I'm gonna be a little distant. About my family: we are a deeply traumatized family in a traumatized country (read a little about Hungary’s history) We’re having generational trauma for breakfast. I had a looong talk with Mom. She tried to act happy at first about my sister’s plan, but she broke down eventually: she is worrying too because sis making the same bad decisions that Mom and I did, and this is why she wanted to get every help my sister she could think of, panicked, and became passive-aggressive towards me. Right now we try to came up with a plan, how to help sis without helping my STB douche BIL. Just to mention: even my father is against this guy and the marriage, but he tries to be nice, because he afraid he's gonna lose my lil sis too. And a few words about Mr. Douche, my future BIL. He's already tries to isolate my sister, who has a co-dependent personality, and wants to play house with anybody who's willing to try it. Hard to watch this shitshow, but when everything unfolds, she needs to know she got me, and mom (maybe even dad too) in her corner. Me. Douche is careful with me, because need the money, but still tried some shit-stirring with me. We’ll see what happens next. But one thing for sure: after they split ( 1 of 2 marriages ending with divorce in here, so the chances are high) I'm gonna find my sister a good therapist.

AITA for not giving my sister her share of the “college fund”?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ovx8h/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_her_share_of_the/

15p4rij

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/snoodaz45 **My boyfriend faked a proposal, so I broke up with him.** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **Thank you u/czechtheboxes for bringing this to the discord** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Public humiliation, verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15ib7tq/my_boyfriend_faked_a_proposal_so_i_broke_up_with/) **Aug 4, 2023** Me (24F) have been dating my boyfriend Andrew (26M) for 5 years now, we've had a healthy and stable relationship, up until today. Andrew has always been a 'prankster' and make jokes with me all the time, and I do it to him too, but today he took it way too far. In the morning he woke me up at 7am and told me to wake up because he wanted to take me to the spa, I was pretty surprised cause it wasn't a special day or anything, but I was all in for it. At the spa he told me how he wanted to go to a fancy restaurant after we were done at the spa, and that he was paying. Of course I agreed as we hadn't been out together in a long time. We then got to the restaurant, we had a beautiful and romantic dinner and just a nice time in general, we were talking about a house we were planning to move in to and chitchatted about other stuff too. After around 40 minutes Andrew stood up and got on his knees and took out a box out of his pocket, my heart stopped beating, I hadn't even predicted this. We have never talked about proposal before but I also thought it was a great time now. He did a speech about how I was the most beautiful girl in the world and how he wanted to live with me forever and ended with "will you marry me my princess?". Of course I said yes! Seconds later all that exitment turned into horror, he opened the small box I expected he put the ring in and in it was a note saying "you've been pranked!!!" and Andrew started laughing hysterically. He continued with "baby this was just a prank! I'm not ready at all to marry you yet!". He was leaning in to hug me but I gave him the biggest slap ever with tears streaming down my face. I just told him "we're over you fucking scumbag". I am now sitting in my bed crying and writing this and I don't know what to do. He's been texting and calling me but I haven't responded because I feel so sad, betrayed and mostly angry. I thought this was going to be one of the best days of my life. What should I do? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15j8od0/my_boyfriend_faked_a_proposal_so_i_broke_up_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 5, 2023** Thank you guys so much for all of the love in the replies on my last post, I honestly didn't expect it to get as much attention as it did but I'm very very grateful for that and it has helped me a lot. I asked mods of this subreddit if I could do an early update and they allowed me to so here's the update After I made that reddit post I fell asleep crying, then woke up and decided to call my now ex-boyfriend, I told him that it was over and that I didn't want to be together with someone who after 5 years still isn't ready for marriage and make a big joke about it. He cried and then turned angry and demanded me to stay and told me I was "a fucking asshole for leaving him like this after everything he has done for me". He cussed me out so much that I stopped listening at one point so I don't really remember everything he said. In the end we came to a sorta agreement that we are going to sell the house and that he will be sleeping in the guest room for now, so today I've just been scrolling the internet for apartments so I can have a fresh start. He is still not happy about the break up tho. He is trying so bad to get back with me saying stuff the whole day like "can't we be together again?" and "this was just a small mistake I made". But the one that did it for me was "don't be so fucking petty and drop it, you know we are happy together and you know you still want me", when he said that I absolutely lost it and called him every single name I could come up with, then slammed my door. I think he also told his family about this whole situation cause today I got a call from his mom telling me how "selfish" I was and how I "couldn't handle a simple joke" and it ended with her calling me a slut and hanging up the call, after that I've gotten several message from his other family members such as his siblings, his dad and even his aunt. I've tried to just block them all but every now and then comes a new message. I feel like more will happen but the next update will probably not be in less than a week or so as I'm gonna try to sell stuff I don't need, find a new apartment and fix everything with the house and stuff before we put it up for sale. I just wanna get out of here as quickly as possible. ##**OOP POSTED AN UPDATE AFTER THE BORU POSTED** * [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15s6poa/my_boyfriend_faked_a_proposal_so_i_broke_up_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 15, 2023** Hello everyone, it's been a while since my last post and once again I wanna thank you all so much for all the support and love, as for now, this will probably be my last update. After my last post, we had constant fights for days during the evenings and one day I decided that I had enough, my closest friend let me move in with her for now until I find somewhere else to live and I still don't know what we're exactly doing with our house, but I have gotten lawyers involved and it's gonna take quite a while. The biggest incident since I last posted is probably that I met my ex's mom in a mall and she full out screamed at me in public, I have never felt so humiliated. Everyone probably thought I had done something horrible as she yelled things like "how could you do this to my son!?" and "you're a terrible human being!". I just walked away but I still felt so embarrassed. Also, ever since I moved, constant messages has appeared from my ex, from his friends and from his family members, and they are NASTY messages. Such as "no one would give a flying fuck if you died, you are a waste of space" or "you are such a self centered slut, leaving your boyfriend over a small joke". I try to ignore them but sometimes I do break down over them. This situation has also helped me learnt who my real friends are as some of my friends turned their back against me. This whole thing still feels SO surreal to me and it's gonna take a long time for me to process it, however, if there is anything else that I need to update you on I will. Thank you all again so so much for the support it honestly has been helping me a lot. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boyfriend faked a proposal, so I broke up with him.

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15p4rij/my_boyfriend_faked_a_proposal_so_i_broke_up_with/

15p50f9

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** •Posted by u/WarningIntelligent25 **in** r/relationship_advice *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Relationship Struggles, Mention of Addiction!< mood spoilers: >!Initial Shock and Devastation, Uncertainty and Doubt, Positive Resolution!< --- &nbsp; ###[**My 37F partner 36M wants a paternity test and I'm devastated.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15ggl7d/my_37f_partner_36m_wants_a_paternity_test_and_im/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, Aug 02, 2023* I 37(f) just had a beautiful daughter with my partner 36(m) last Tuesday. She is perfect and we absolutely adore her. My partner is so happy and was very supportive during pregnancy and labor. Everything was perfect or so I thought. We have only been together for 18 months and things moved quickly for us. We started living together after only 3 months and have been inseparable since. Even working in the same factory together until I went on maternity leave. My partner and I are both recovering addicts. I have 3 years and he has 2 1/2 years sober. We have completely turned our lives around and have the life I never thought possible. There has never been cheating on either side but yes there can be some jealousy issues. Now that you have some history here is the problem: We came home from the hospital Friday and I was exhausted so he took the baby while I slept. When I wake up he says you know I love you right?" I immediately get worried the he says he wants a DNA test because he counted the days and when I got pregnant he was in jail.( he is still on probation and was driving with out a license)This is not true I got pregnant 2 months after he got home and the cherry on top is we were actively trying to have a baby. I'm absolutely devastated and automatically felt different about him. I was tired and emotional so I just cried. He is saying he doesn't trust me and I am angry now. We went yesterday to take the test and he paid $200. I'm not working and that's money we need. Our baby has jet black hair and he has blonde hair blue eyes. Mine is dirty blonde. He says he just wants to be sure and has issues because of past relationships. I feel lost and unsure if i will ever feel the same about him. I don't have anyone to talk to about this because i am embarrassed, so I came here. Thank you for any advice. Sorry so long. **TL;DR:** Me and SO actively tried to have a baby then after she is born he wants a DNA test. Need advice ####**EDIT:** it's only been a few hours but I want to thank everyone who left a comment. I'm trying to read as many as I can. I definitely needed some different perspectives. I did take the test yesterday and the results should be back by Friday. I will update after that. I'm grateful for all the advice and will consider what you have all said. I still don't know what's going to happen but I really want to make this work. ####**UPDATE** *(In Post)* HE IS 99.99999% THE FATHER I made another post. You can find it in my profile. Thank you everyone for all the advice and well wishes. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: My 37F partner 36M wants a paternity test and I'm devastated.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15i9lqd/update_my_37f_partner_36m_wants_a_paternity_test/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, Aug 04, 2023* Hello everyone, I decided to make another post for My update and I added a link Hopefully it works if not you can find my first post in my profile. Also, I'm trying to feed the baby and Using my phone so forgive any mistakes. So the results are in and "YOU ARE THE FATHER"... LOL sorry couldn't resist. Obviously I'm not surprised and it felt really good to be right. We found out right before he was going to work and plan to talk about it this weekend. After he left he called and said please marry me. This is something we have wanted to do but didn't have the money for. I do want to marry him and spend the rest of our lives together. Posting on here really let me look at the situation from so many angles. Most ppl said therapy or leave him but there were a lot of great and helpful comments in there. Thank you everyone I am grateful for all the advice. I have decided to move past this because he never treated me and my daughter any differently, he has provided everything we need, this is the first real issue we have had, I do believe that DNA test should be standard then no one has to get their feelings hurt, he says he trust me and other than this his actions have shown that and I could see it was very hard for him to ask when he could have done it without me knowing. Relationships take work and understanding. We still have a lot to work on and i lost trust in him over this. Now if this sort of behavior continues than that's a whole other story. So thx again and if anyone has any questions I will answer. Special thanks to Lowwallaby2223 for taking the time to speak with me I really needed that. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My 37F partner 36M wants a paternity test and I'm devastated

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15p50f9/my_37f_partner_36m_wants_a_paternity_test_and_im/

15p5112

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/theconsofbreathing **in** r/TrueOffMyChest. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Rape and Sexual Assault, Mention of Panic Disorder and OCD!< mood spoilers: >!Trauma, Conflict, Resolution!< --- &nbsp; ###[**My rapist sent me an apology. I’m considering taking legal action now that I have evidence.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z9250d/my_rapist_sent_me_an_apology_im_considering/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, Nov 30, 2022* He sent a length apology to my email, and after I read it I sent him a text to say I did so. I asked if we were ‘on the same page’ about what he did, and he wrote that he took advantage of me while I was drunk, and stalked me for a little while after. He fully admits to raping me, in writing. How can he be so stupid? After the assault I developed panic disorder and OCD. The OCD might have been present before the event, but it definitely heightened after it happened. I’m just not sure what to do: press charges? Get him sent to jail? I’m trying to figure out what would feel like justice for ME, the survivor, but am stuck. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: My rapist sent me an apology. I’m considering taking legal action now that I have evidence.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zbxq0s/update_my_rapist_sent_me_an_apology_im/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, Dec 04, 2022* Hey everyone, I thought I’d let you all know what decision I made. Firstly, I heard everyone loud and clear to speak with a lawyer first. Thank you so much for that advice. I spoke with a lawyer about the best course of action for my case, and he said that since my perpetrator doesn’t have a lot of money, I would get the most retribution by going to the police first. So, I called the non-emergency line and had an officer come to my house. He interviewed me for a good hour and a half. I gotta say, my nervous system is still shot from having to recall that event in detail. I kind of feel traumatized all over again, but am confident this is the right choice. Also, for those of you who are familiar with tarot, I asked my deck “What will be the outcome from all of this?” and I drew the Ten of Swords reversed. I’d be curious to hear anyone’s interpretation on what that means. &nbsp; ###[**FINAL UPDATE: My rapist sent me an apology. I’m considering taking legal action now that I have evidence.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15j5iv7/update_my_rapist_sent_me_an_apology_im/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, Aug 05, 2023* Hey everyone, I know it’s been almost a year but I wanted to give you all an update. This will be my last one, but I’m happy to answer any questions in comments and through chat. Long story short: I did not take legal action, but he and I actually created a plan which has worked out for the past 8 months. Here’s what happened: A couple weeks after I called the non-emergency line and spoke with the officer, I was assigned a detective who I spoke in the phone with. At the conclusion of our conversation, he asked me if I wanted to press charges. I told him I was considering it but was not sure yet. Previously, I had spoken with a lawyer who said I can take my case two ways: through civil court, or through criminal court. When I was talking with the detective, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go the criminal route, or even go through with anything at all. The interview with the officer was extremely hard, and the idea of having to repeat my story in court sounded exhausting and almost not worth it. Here’s where it gets wild: the same DAY I talked to the detective, I ran into my perpetrator at a bar. 3 f***ing years; I hadn’t seen this piece of trash in 3 years, since the incident occurred. I was driving to the bar I regularly hang out at, until my friend texted me saying he’s celebrating someone’s birthday at a karaoke bar I don’t often go to. I made a u-turn and headed toward the karaoke bar. I walk into the private karaoke room the birthday girl booked, and boom. There he is, sitting across from my friend who invited me there. (Side note: the friend who invited me knew that I was SA, but did not know the name or what the person looked like.) Him and I lock eyes and both of our faces immediately drop. I then turn around and book it out of the private room and outside of the bar. By this point the panic is starting to take over; so bad, I think I’m about to have a stroke. That’s how weird I was feeling. I end up sitting on a bench to calm down. He walks out of the bar a few moments later, and I don’t know how to explain it y’all, but a sense of overwhelming calm/strength washed over me, and I asked him if we could talk. He sits down on the bench next to me. *(Continued in comments)* Once he sits down, we stay silent for approximately five minutes, not looking at each other. I then say “What did you do? Say it.” Then he says “I raped you.” I hardly remember the rest of the conversation, except that I told him I just spoke to a detective that morning, and was considering pressing charges. I also told him I was interviewed by an officer and didn’t want to repeat myself in court. I asked him if he’d be willing to pay retribution outside of the legal system, and he obviously said yes. I told him I need time to think about what I want him to do. A few days later, I text him saying I want a certain amount of money (which I will not share here). I was trying to think of creative ideas for retribution, but at the end of the day, I just wanted my therapy expenses (and other expenses) paid for. He agreed to this amount, but stated he couldn’t do it in full. I had him sign a written contract that states he needs to pay me a certain amount of money, every month, for the next two years. He’s paid the amount early every time since we agreed to this eight months ago. I’m not fearful of him; he was my ex boyfriend after all. I’m just more pissed off this whole incident ruined the relationship with my boyfriend at the time. I don’t think he’s a bad person, but I do think he did a bad thing. I know this story isn’t very “girl power” of me, and I do have some feelings of shame for not being a voice for other SA survivors. But honestly, this little plan we created feels right for me, and I’m happy with it. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My rapist sent me an apology. I’m considering taking legal action now that I have evidence.

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15p5112/my_rapist_sent_me_an_apology_im_considering/

15p51fz

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/surroundsound1 **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* Trigger warnings: >!Sexism, Emotional manipulation and inappropriate teacher behavior!< Mood Spoilers: >!Unpleasant teacher-student dynamics and victory over unjust treatment!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA for pulling my daughter from a waterpark trip because her teacher made her stay with a kid she doesn't like?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10ur722/aita_for_pulling_my_daughter_from_a_waterpark/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Mon, Feb 06, 2023* My daughter Bryn F9 is going on a trip to a nearby water park with her class next week. She loves water and has been talking about it for months, so I was a bit thrown off when she came home crying a few days ago and told me she didn’t want to go. I asked her why and she wouldn't tell me because she thought I’d think she’s a “bad person.” When I finally coaxed it out of her, she said her teacher “Ms. N” has forced her to be the “buddy” of her classmate “Ben” for the entirety of the trip. She was to ride the bus with Ben to and from the trip, eat lunch with him, and go on all the rides with him instead of spending time with her friends. She then said nobody likes Ben because he whines whenever they have to do work and picks his nose and wipes boogers everywhere. I was horrified, not only because Ms. N had made Bryn do such a thing, but also because she had made her believe she was a bad person for not wanting to. Unfortunately this wasn’t my first experience with Ms. N, as she frequently used my soft-spoken, intelligent older daughter as a “behavior buffer” for the naughty boys until I threatened to report her to the superintendent. It’s clear to me that Ms. N is still too comfortable with enforcing archaic gender roles on her kids and forcing girls to do unpaid emotional labor for the sake of the boys. I immediately sent Ms. N an email condemning her actions. She sent me back an email with a bunch of bs that basically ended with “if Bryn goes on the trip, she has to be Ben’s buddy.” Fine. I informed her Bryn would not be attending then. I immediately booked VIP tickets the same day her class was going so she could still go to the park and see her friends. What happened next I wasn’t expecting. Bryn is quite popular, so I have gotten to know a lot of the moms in her class. When I let them know what Ms. N did, some of them were so horrified that they also pulled their kids out of the trip. In total, eight kids (out of a class of twenty) are either not going, or going with us. Today I got an email from Ms. N saying that because almost half of the class isn’t going, they either have to raise the cost for the other students or not go at all. She practically begged me to let Bryn go and tell all the other parents to let their kids go, promising she wouldn’t make Bryn do anything she didn’t want to do. I told her she should have thought about that before she tried to make my daughter do her job. My husband said I was being a bit petty and that Ms. N clearly feels bad about what she did, and I should let Bryn go as I’ve already gotten my way. He asked me if I really wanted to deprive children of what they’ve been waiting for all year. The thing is, if this wasn’t Ms. N’s first offense I probably would have agreed, but she has a pattern of this type of behavior and hopefully this will put a stop to it. Plus, if she has to explain this to her superiors, I have receipts. Is my husband right? Or am I justified? ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; *Updates were added to Original Post* ####**UPDATE:** Bryn WAS the only student assigned a "buddy." The rest of the students were free to do what they wanted. ####**UPDATE 2:** First, thank you for the support everyone! Second, I have taken the issue (including screenshots of the emails) to admin. Several other parents also came forward with similar stories about Ms. N. using students, particularly female students, to do her job. Ms. N. has been placed on temporary leave while they figure out a more permanent solution. Personally, after hearing things from other parents about her, I'd like to see her fired and blacklisted from ever teaching again, but I hope this at least scares her out of treating her students this way. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for pulling my daughter from a waterpark trip because her teacher made her stay with a kid she doesn't like?

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15p51fz/aita_for_pulling_my_daughter_from_a_waterpark/

15p90fb

[TIFU when I 25m learned the language my gf 22 speaks when she gossips with her friends](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/12cigvw/tifu_when_i_25m_learned_the_language_my_gf_22/) April 5, 2023 This is not my original account. My gf is South African. Her native language is Afrikaans. I've been learning how to speak Afrikaans without my gf knowing. I secretly applied for online courses that I've been using on and off for more than a year now. My plan was to surprise my gf and her family with my "American Afrikaans" when I finally meet her parents in person for the first time later this year. I never intended to eavesdrop or anything, but learning Afrikaans in secret accidentally exposed me to sensitive information that my gf was sharing on the phone with her Afrikaans speaking friends from South Africa. It was gossip I was not supposed to understand, but eventually I did. This is what I've heard in the past few months: 1. My gf is planning to surprise me on my birthday by reuniting with her high school metal band and putting on a show for me. 2. My gf wants to tattoo the names of literally all the Harry Potter spells on her back, but she doesn't know how to tell me because she's afraid I'll talk her out of it. 3. My gf casually mentioned that one of the unexpected differences between her glasses and her contact lenses is that when she's on her knees looking up at me with her glasses on, my penis looks much bigger compared to what it looks like through her contact lenses, which is why she's keeping her glasses on during sex (ouch). 4. My gf is convinced that my parents are swingers because apparently there are always attractive couples hanging out at my mom and dad's house whenever we visit. 5. My gf secretly finished the entire series of Better Call Saul without me, even though we agreed to finish it together, so now she's pretending to have no idea how the show ends. 6. My gf is thinking about cancelling the high school metal band reunion for my birthday because she's no longer sure if it's appropriate to team up with two of her exes that are original members of the band. 7. My gf expects her dad not to like me. I would've preferred not knowing most of those things to be honest, but there is no way for me to unlearn Afrikaans, so now I'm cursed with knowing too much while having to pretend I know nothing. \*\*TL:DR\*\* I secretly learned my girlfriend's native language as a surprise, but during my learning phase I became capable of understanding what my girlfriend was gossiping about with her friends when she thought I didn't understand. I've come to regret not telling my gf that I was learning her language from the beginning because I know things now that I wish I never knew. Comment: >Good thing you're using a burner account to stay anonymous. Otherwise, if she browses the front page of reddit she might get suspicious. >>I’m sure there are lots of South African girls out there who are dating American boys and considering getting all of the spells from Harry Potter tattooed on their backs. >> >>Also, just as a side note, there are bloody tons of incantations out there, including such gems as ‘Slugulus Eructo’ and ‘Waddiwasi’. Another Comment: >Ahhh that wasn’t all that bad. Honestly thought this was going to be much worse than it was. OOP replies: >>Far away from CBAT and nowhere near the Coconut dude, lies my mild fuck up. [TIFUpdate: when I learned the language my gf speaks when she gossips about me with her friends](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15iqs4k/tifupdate\_when\_i\_learned\_the\_language\_my\_gf) August 5, 2023 The following happened since my [orginal post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/12cigvw/tifu_when_i_25m_learned_the_language_my_gf_22/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) 1. I asked my gf to marry me in Afrikaans and she said "ja!" 2. I delivered my "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you" speech in Afrikaans, which surprised and impressed my gf, aka my fiancée. 3. As soon as my gf became my fiancée, I casually mentioned that I've secretly been learning her native language and accidentally been eavesdropping on several phone call conversations she had with her Afrikaans speaking friends about things I was not supposed to understand, like, for example, her feeling conflicted about reuniting with her original high school band members for my birthday because the band apparently included two of her exes, or the fact that she wanted to tattoo literally all the Harry Potter spells on her back, or that she finished Better Call Saul without me, or that she thought my mom and dad were swingers, or the real reason why her glasses were always on during sex, or that she's convinced that her dad would hate me, OR some of the stuff she said to her friends after my original post, like how she was struggling to get used to my braces because the braces in my mouth plus the freckles on my face somehow made me look underaged and low key made her feel like she's my older sister when we were out in public. 4. My fiancée was embarrassed when she realized how much Afrikaans I was able to understand and apologized if she made me feel uncomfortable. 5. I accepted her apology, even though it was unnecessary, well, except for finishing Better Call Saul behind my back, that was a playing with fire moment in our relationship, almost unforgivable. 6. My fiancée got one of the Harry Potter spells on her back: erecto patronum. I'm kidding, I stole that from another story. My fiancée is still considering getting her back tattooed. I said it was her choice, but I advised her to avoid covering her entire back with Harry Potter spells like she's some kind of Death Eater Michael Scofield. 7. My fiancée might be right about her dad not liking me because his expression of disappointment and dread when he heard the news of our engagement was priceless. That said, I'll win him over though, even if it kills him (jokes). 8. My fiancée fully believes my parents are swingers based on the different couples she's occasionally observed coming and going whenever we visited my mom and dad. She wants us to investigate my parents because for some reason it's fun for her to imagine me being the son of a mom and dad whose sex life is far more kinky than mine. I'm not interested in opening that door though because I don't wanna know what goes on in my mom and dad's bedroom. However, something tells me that my fiancée will not rest until she has all the answers. 9. I made it clear to my fiancée that I had no problem with her reuniting with her high school band to perform at my birthday, unless it was uncomfortable for her that her exes were part of the band. My fiancée ultimately decided to cancel the band because of behind the scenes drama. The drummer, who was one of the exes, apparently gained a lot of weight after high school and lost all confidence to perform in the band. The lead guitarist, aka the other ex, was only willing to participate if my fiancée agreed to play covers of gospel songs since he was now saved and no longer interested in playing "the devil's music." The bass guitarist wanted money. 10. My fiancée still wears her glasses during sex. TL:DR I came clean about understanding Afrikaans and now my gf and I are engaged. You'll have to read the post if you want more information because I can't sum up months of updates in a couple of lines. Edit: To all the comments saying this is a repost, it's not. It's an update of my original post from a few months ago. Check my history. It's my story. Comment: >We won't have closure until we find out whether or not OP's parents are swingers. Who presumably talk dirty to their swing partners in Afrikaans. OOP replies: >>I refuse to believe that my parents are swingers. My future South African father in law already thinks Americans are weird, so hopefully my mom and dad can prove that some of us are actually ordinary people. *Editor's Note: In making this as concluded as OOP has not said he'll update, but I guess it might be possible he would update after he meets her parents or after the wedding. Comment if you think I should change it. Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not go to the original posts and comment on them.

TIFU when I (25m) learned the language my gf (22) speaks when she gossips with her friends

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swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15p90fb/tifu_when_i_25m_learned_the_language_my_gf_22/

15p9qed

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/noodle9 **in** r/ireland trigger warnings: >!possible undiagnosed mental health issues!< mood spoilers: >!positive!< *Make sure to read this in an Irish accent for full effect.* Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BORU &#x200B; [**Lads seriously is marriage and kids this hard for everyone?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/15dpwim/lads_seriously_is_marriage_and_kids_this_hard_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **- 31st July 2023** **Flair - Moaning Michael** I've always liked children and wanted to have some of my own, but now that I have one it's just a big disappointment. Everything is just a huge struggle. Every mealtime, bed time, bathtime, changing clothes, getting in or out of the car, every time we go to an event it's a dilemma. Crying, screaming, tantrums, I just don't have the patience for it. My son isn't even the worst I'm sure many have it far worse. I'm also a fairly high earner yet the money just pours out, never on me always the wife and kid, and I only have one! I have literally no idea how people do this with little money and several kids. It must be hell. From the outside we look like a perfect family inside it's chaos. Kids just seem to ruin every event. It doesn't help that my wife is just as bad. Moaning and complaining constantly and every minor issue is worth an argument. I hate to fight so I just let her have her way for the little things which is death by a thousand cuts. Am I the only one who thinks like this? Everyone moans it's hard but I know many who relish every second as a joy. Is it this hard for everyone?   **Comments** *Mum to 4 boys and most days are hell. It is just never ending crying, fighting, screaming, injuries, cooking, cleaning, laundry, tidying, more screaming and crying. Honestly, it is just absolutely relentless. I can not find a single moment if joy in any of it and its all just so HARD I feel like running away most days I look at other families and wonder does everyone feel like this???* *What made you decide to have 4?* *We had 2 surprises, We never would have planned to have that many.* **OOP Replies** >We should form a club *Fair play for telling it like it is. Too many out there afraid to be real and painting fake lives in little boxes on the Internet. You might think all your single friends have it easy but grass is always greener man. I'm sure they see you with a little family and some of em think "god that looks great"* *It's a struggle but you're nailing it by being real about it.* *Talk to your wife and family about it more and try not to keep it inside* **OOP Replies** >Thanks *Sounds like a relationship problem more than a child problem.* *You two need to be on the same page. Then the child issues will be sorted way easier. A problem shared is a problem halved etc…* *You need to be a team.* *Couples counseling asap.* >We've been doing it for many months. Helped a little but it seems to go in one ear and out the other with her. Pretty sure she has some actual psychological issues. My therapist thinks is Borderline Personally Disorder. Not an easy fix. **OOP Comments** >would never leave, I made a comittment. I do plenty around the house, I work a crazy stressful job with a lot of hours, she doesn't work. When he's in school she's got a busy schedule of massages, nails and hair appointments. I'm definitely not great but I absolutely do my fair share... >I do enjoy Saturdays which is our day I take him out and do loads he adores it. Buy him things bring him to kids pkaces, trips etc. But I don't spend the week longing for it. I suppose it's like when you first star dating your wife and fall in love and just want to spoil them, but that fades eventually.. &#x200B; [**Update: Lads seriously is marriage and kids this hard for everyone?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/15i837r/update_lads_seriously_is_marriage_and_kids_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **- 4th August 2023** **Flair - Sure it's grand** I have to say I was blown over by the reception it got. Aftera. few days it was one of the top post of the entire week beaten only by Sinead O'Connor. 1,000 comments and nearly 2m views, it's clear I stuck a cord with a lot of people who also feel challenged by kids and family I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who replied. I had so may people reach out in pm - may saying that it was as if they had wrote it themsleves as they feel exactly the same way, offering to chat or listen. There were many supportive comments offering help and advice which was greatly appreciated. There were also a lot of negative comments too, but honestly a lot of them were spot on. It definitely made me realise some things that I need to snap out of, man up or take control or action over - so thank you too for the hard truths also. Many said that these issues are with my wife and not my child, and you are right. I had a number of long chats this week with my wife. I told her my feelings and also all about this post and the comments. She often feels overwhelmed also but we got everything out in the air and are working through it. I took the last few days to spent a lot more time with my son and give him as much attention as possible and he has really responded to it. People mentioned there was resentment and I want to make sure this does not happen. Anyway just wanted to say thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts it helped a lot. r/Ireland \- a great bunch of lads.   **Comments** >She often feels overwhelmed also but we got everything out in the air and are working through it" *Honestly man, this is possibly going to be the best decision for yere marriage moving forward... Fair play, its tough to come to terms with these things and be honest, but she is your wife.. If you cant have these conversations with your dearest and nearest, my honest opinion is people shouldn't be together if that's the case..* *Best of luck to ye both, on the right track no doubt...* **On therapy** >We actually have been doing it for several months, but stopped a month ago. Will go back but honestly I've been very disappointed, haven't got anything particularly great our if it. Main thing is I can say things and properly get my point and my thoughts across because there is a 3rd person to moderate. I did sessions in my own but no revelations so far.. u/louiseber **replies** *Therapists are like hairdressers, you might need to try some before you click with one you love. And that's why couples are advised to go to individual therapy too, it's not about revelations particularly in couples, it is moderation by a 3rd party to allow you both be heard by the other person. If you's have been going, and then got to a 'blow out' and are still speaking...maybe it was doing more than you think in facilitating open communication.* *And also, the goal of therapy isn't a goal always. So there may not be any great revelations about your past, you may just really need an impartial 3rd party to support you through everyday life, and that's ok. It'll help you be a better balanced person for your partner.* **Flairing as ongoing as this seems like the start of a process to fix things in the family.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Lads seriously is marriage and kids this hard for everyone?

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15p9qed/lads_seriously_is_marriage_and_kids_this_hard_for/

15padwu

**\*\* New Updates - OOP posted a new update 13th August which is now included.\*\*** **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!child abandonment!< mood spoilers: >!postive for the future!< **thanks to** u/AssumptionOk2753 **for suggesting this BORU.** Updated version with a new update available [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16885dd/new_update_i_lied_about_who_my_baby_daddy_is_do_i/) [**\[I (26F) lied about who my baby daddy (26M) is. Do I tell him the truth now?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15db7uh/i_26f_lied_about_who_my_baby_daddy_26m_is_do_i/) **- 30th July 2023** I (26F) grew up in the midwest but went to college in California. There I met and dated Jeff (26M) for our final two years of undergraduate. After graduation I stayed in California to get my master’s degree while Jeff entered the workforce. We were happy together and we planned to get married after I got my master’s. After I finished my schooling Jeff got cold feet about getting married and eventually becoming a father (abandonment issues from his bio dad leaving) so he broke up with me. Heartbroken feels like it would barely scratch the surface on how I felt. I had a great job in California so I stayed in hopes that Jeff would come to his senses and we’d get back together. We never did. He met Grace (25F) and started dating her about 5 months after we broke up. I started planning on moving back to my home state once I realized it was actually over. Then he and Grace broke up at the beginning of this year. Jeff and I ended up sleeping together a few times while they were broken up (it was a very public breakup, no cheating involved). About a week after the last time we had sex he told me that he and Grace were getting back together. He said he couldn’t remain friends with me because he still had feelings for me and he had to let them fade to be fair to Grace. His final words to me were to not call him unless I was literally dying and just wanting to say goodbye. I left California behind three weeks later. Two weeks after I had returned home I found out that I was pregnant. It’s Jeff’s. I wasn’t gonna be that girl that uses a pregnancy to get a man back so I deleted all my social media accounts and made new ones that don’t have my name attached to them. The only Cali people I added were trusted friends who I knew either had no connection to Jeff or who were loyal to me and wouldn’t tell him my new accounts.Early in my pregnancy I made the mistake of checking out Jeff and Grace’s respective profiles and saw that they refer to each other as “loml” and Jeff even had a picture of them captioned saying he was gonna marry that girl. That broke me all over again and I have since blocked them both and decided I had to move on with my life. I’m now 6.5 months pregnant. Since moving back I have bought my own house in my home state and have been busy building a nursery for my baby. I already love this little baby in my belly and I feel 100% confident that I can raise and provide for him on my own with minor help from my family.One of my best friends back in California was having an engagement party. I won’t be able to attend the wedding as I’ll be busy with a newborn when it happens so I decided to fly out to see my friends and offer my congratulations to the couple before my life becomes baby-centric.I got into town on Thursday and honestly had a blast seeing all my friends yesterday even though it’s only been about 6 months since I last saw them. They were all respectful of my wishes not to take pictures of me below the chest. They did post some pictures of me online but from the angles it just looks like I gained some weight in my face. Nothing that would give away my pregnancy. It’s a couple days before my flight back home and the friend that I’m staying with suggested we go to the store because she wanted to get a scrapbook for our engaged friend. So we went to the store and as we were getting ready to leave I saw Jeff’s cousin Tanya (22ish?F) walk in. I’d talked to her several times at Jeff’s family gatherings over the years but we never really got along. She was always a bit too gossipy for me to like her. So of course she was the last person I wanted to see. The first thing she did was loudly announce that I was pregnant as if everyone in the store couldn’t tell just by looking at me. Then she starts grilling me asking if Jeff knows. I said no and that he doesn’t need to know as it’s not his. That was a lie, obviously, but I didn’t want to open a can of worms. Tanya then tells me with how big my belly is that I’m far along and asked how could I move on so quickly. I told her that Jeff and I broke up a long time ago. She responded saying that everyone knows we were still hooking up at the beginning of this year. I did not know that was common knowledge. I figured Jeff would’ve kept his mouth shut about that. Anyway I lied and told her that I already had a new boyfriend and that I was 5 months pregnant. She seemed to accept that and awkwardly congratulated me. My friend and I paid for her stuff and left immediately after that. I prayed that would be the end of it. Like I said, Tanya is a gossip so of course she went and ran her mouth about seeing me pregnant just a few hours later. Now a bunch of my friends have messaged me saying that Jeff is blowing up their inboxes trying to reach me. None of them have told him my new number or social media so he has no way of reaching me himself. My flight back home isn’t for another two days and I’m freaking out. Some of my friends are saying that I should just tell him the truth now that he knows I’m pregnant. I still say I can get by pretending it’s someone else’s and that I’m not far enough along for it to be his. I honestly just want to ignore him and go back home. However I’m having some doubts that that's the right choice and there isn’t a consensus on what to do so I’m turning to internet strangers. TLDR; I got pregnant by my ex. Moved away, planning to raise the child myself. His cousin saw me and told him I'm pregnant. Now he's trying to get ahold of me and I just wanna go home and ignore him. Should I tell him the truth or just go home?   **Comments** *Unless you specifically don't want him in your life for your sake, you should tell him the truth. "I need to move on so please don't contact me unless you're on your death bed" also includes "Or it turns out you're pregnant" as an asterisk.* >I don't want him in my life, but it's not like a safety issue or anything. He was never abusive in any way. I've just moved very far away and I don't plan on coming back so why even start that discussion when there's no positive outcome is where my mind is at, I guess. *Because one day your kid might decide they want to get to know their biological father, and then he will find out, and then he will realize that you decided to take away any chance for him to know the kid growing up. Your kid will also realize that you took away any chance for them to know their biological father while growing up.* *Yes, it's obviously a very difficult situation. He still deserves to know. You can emphasize to him that you're structuring your life based on the assumption that he won't be involved in the kid's life.* >Obviously that conversation would be years away but I never planned on hiding anything from my child. Idk exactly what I would say but I'd be honest that his father didn't abandon him. > >I like that last sentence. That's a very good way to phrase it. Thank you for that. *He doesn’t sound like a dirtbag. That would be the only reason not to tell him. You both handled the breakup like adults, maybe trust yourselves to do that again. The baby will not be hurt by more love.* >I think he'd be a great father, but I just don't see how it would realistically work with co-parenting. I'm not renting, I bought a house. My life is back home and his life is here. Although even with that as a legitimate concern maybe I'm just really wanting to avoid having to have the conversation with him. &#x200B; [**Update: I (26F) lied about who my baby daddy (26M) is.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15goiux/update_i_26f_lied_about_who_my_baby_daddy_26m_is/) **- 2nd August 2023** Hi everyone. So the consensus on my post was to tell Jeff about the baby being his. Even from just the first few comments that seemed clear. We did end up meeting up. It wasn't particularly interesting or dramatic but if anyone cares, here's what happened: He got ahold of the friend I was staying with on Instagram. I wanted to just talk to him on the phone but he insisted we talk in person asap. In retrospect I should’ve just waited until the next day but I kind of just wanted to get it over with and it seemed like he did too. Tbh I thought he was gonna tell me that he wanted nothing to do with the kid because I didn’t see any other reason why he wanted to talk in person right that second. Keep in mind it was almost 10 at night at the time. So my friend and I went to his parents’ house where he was waiting. His parents always treated me like family so I guess I felt comfortable being there even though we probably should've met at a neutral location. When we got there Jeff’s mom answered the door. She hugged me and I could tell she wanted to touch my stomach but she restrained herself and didn’t even ask, thankfully. I always liked her. We made awkward small talk as she led me to the living room. It was clear that they had just had a party as it was still messy with a bunch of drinking cups lying around and confetti on the floor. On the couch was Jeff and Grace holding each other’s hands. I was surprised that I honestly felt nothing for him at first. His stepdad offered me a seat but I chose to stand. I wasn't planning on being there long anyway. Jeff started off saying that I might be able to fool Tanya but he knows there’s no way I would’ve ever met a new guy and gotten pregnant that fast. So he asked why I didn’t tell him. I told him the truth, that the last time we spoke he told me not to contact him unless I was literally dying...and I’m not dying. He told me that he was trying to be respectful to Grace and that obviously this would’ve been an exception. Grace chimed in to tell me that I ruined her proposal. I found out later (third hand info but knowing Tanya I believe it) that the party at his parents house was for him to propose to Grace in front of all their friends and families. Tanya waited until after the proposal and when people were giving speeches she told Jeff she was so glad he got away from me and wasn’t gonna be stuck raising my baby. Then all hell broke loose at the party apparently. I had no idea that happened at the time or I honestly would not have went to see him at all. But hearing that he proposed was when it hurt. He broke up with me cause he was scared of marriage and kids but he dated her not even half as long as we did and she got a ring. I put on a brave face, or at least I think I did, and acted like it didn’t bother me but it absolutely did. His mom told Grace that it’s not my fault and now wasn’t the time for that. Then Jeff told me that “obviously \[I\] can’t move now.” I told him that I already did and I was only in California for the weekend. He countered saying that I have to move back. I told him no, I’m not doing that. He said well I can’t just leave. At that point I got frustrated and told him that I left months ago. My job is in my home state. I bought a house. All my doctor’s appointments have been there. I established residency there a long time ago. California isn’t my home anymore and hasn’t been for half a year now. So then he got frustrated and got up to approach me asking if he’s just supposed to send a paycheck once a month and saying this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. I don’t really know what he meant by that second part cause he just found out I was pregnant a few hours before, but I assumed he was taking about his life plans? I forced myself to calm down and try to be empathetic. I told him that if he was worried about this screwing up his plans for the future that he had nothing to worry about. I don’t want or need anything from him. I’ve planned everything out from finances to childcare when I return to work to even setting up my baby’s college fund. It’s all taken care of already. He didn’t really say anything. I didn’t know if he was thinking or just relieved that I had it all handled. I told him he can still get married to Grace and have his own family someday. I promised I wouldn’t bother or blame him for anything. My baby will be loved and cared for. Jeff got teary eyed and told me that I know how he feels about this. He was referring to when he broke up with me and said that he didn’t wanna be a dad because he didn’t think he’d be a good one. He also has abandonment issues from his bio dad walking out on him, his siblings, and his mom when he was 6. I told Jeff that he’s not him (his bio dad). That he’s better than him and always will be. His mom started crying at this point I guess from seeing how his dad’s abandonment still affects him to this day. I promised Jeff that I wouldn’t let my baby think that Jeff was a deadbeat. I’d be honest that we just weren’t meant to be together and we live thousands of miles apart. He told me that he can’t just not be in his kid’s life and that I don’t understand what it could do to them. He asked if we could please just figure something out together. I asked him what did he realistically expect would be a solution. Because I’m not moving back to California and I highly doubt he and Grace wanted to pack their bags and move that far away from their own families and friends. I said I’m not gonna be sending my kid on a plane every few months either because that’s too much. Jeff didn’t say anything to that so I told him maybe that could be an option when he’s older and has more independence but right now it’s not happening. Jeff’s eyes lit up and he asked, “It’s a boy?” I’d been careful not to reveal the gender up until then but I messed up there. I nodded and he nervously asked if he could feel the baby. Before I could even respond Grace let out this loud wail and stormed off to the kitchen. Jeff apologized to me and then went to go comfort her. His mom excused herself as well as she was still crying. So she left and her husband followed her. That left me and my friend awkwardly standing alone in the living room. All we hear is his mom sniffling in the hallway and Grace sobbing while talking to Jeff in the kitchen. It was so incredibly uncomfortable. And I know many will hate me for this but I just felt overwhelmed by the whole thing. Maybe it makes me pathetic but having to stand in the room where a party was just held to celebrate Jeff proposing to another woman hurt so damn bad. So I left. I told my friend let’s get the hell out of here and we quietly walked out. We ended up staying in a hotel and I was able to get an earlier flight home on Sunday. Now I’m back home and putting my focus back on the nursery. I told my friends that I had talked to Jeff and I apologized if he still tried to reach me through them. I advised them to block him if it’s too much. I know this isn’t the end of things. I’m planning on reaching out to him again eventually. Even if he broke my heart I still care about him and I won’t deny him a relationship with his kid if that’s what he really wants. I have no idea how it’s gonna work and I’m only allowed to update once so I apologize that I won’t be able to tell anyone who cares how it all turns out. Thank you for the advice on my last post. Even though everyone was downvoting me and the post itself it was nice to get opinions without bias.   **Comments** *I think you did your best. It’s all any good parent can do. You were dealt a bad hand but your son is lucky to have you as his mother.* [**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp/comments/15qe8gn/update_2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **- 13th August 2023** I’m a little surprised to be writing this. I thought my update post was one and done but I guess it got reposted on another sub yesterday and gained traction there so a bunch of people have requested another update. I wasn't aware that people could make posts on their own profile either so I feel dumb for thinking that I could only update once, but here we are. I greatly appreciate the newer comments supporting me. The few comments I got from the relationship advice sub were all in support of Jeff and downvoting everything I commented. I felt like I was crowned the queen of Hell over there tbh. I haven't replied to any of the new comments because while most of you just read about the incident yesterday, for me it was 2 weeks ago. My hormones are all over the place due to my pregnancy but thankfully I'm past the headspace I was in that day and when I first returned home. I do appreciate all the well wishes for me and my baby though! Before I give an update I wanted to clear a few things up. First, I’ve seen a lot of comments saying that Jeff proposed to Grace within a few months after they started dating. That’s not true. Aside from the one month break up where Jeff and I conceived the baby they were together roughly a year and a half before the engagement (assuming they had no more break ups after. Idk their full history nor do I care to). Second, I feel like people were being a bit harsh on Jeff. I can honestly say he is not an abusive or controlling person. The man never so much as raised his voice at me in the four years we dated. He was a bit overbearing by demanding that I had to stay in California because that’s where he is, but he just found out about the baby and was panicking that I'd disappear and he wouldn't be able to contact me. Which to be fair, that's exactly what I did so I get it. I had a million thoughts, some wildly ridiculous when I think about it now, running through my own head when I found out too. Third, he wasn’t juggling Grace and I at the same time like people think. She broke up with him; they both thought for good at the time. He and I started having sex again but it wasn’t like we were in a sequel of the lovey dovey honeymoon phase. It was a weird and confusing time. We weren’t talking about getting back together. I already had a start date for my new job back home and my move was scheduled (he didn’t know any of that). I was still in love with him of course and I hoped he’d tell me he wanted to get back together and I would've stayed but he didn’t. Finding out he was getting back with Grace hurt but I can’t say I felt used for sex. I don’t think either of us knew what the hell we were doing by sleeping together again in the first place. Jeff is a simple man overall. I promise he’s not some supervillain taking advantage of women and playing with their emotions. I'm not making excuses for him. I wish it were that easy to say that he's a dirtbag and you should give me all your sympathy. In reality I know who Jeff is as a person, anyone who read my posts knows him as just a collection of bad and/or questionable choices he made. If you summarize anyone up to just the bad shit they've done of course they'd come off as an unlikable person. Jeff's not evil or manipulative. He's just got some stuff he probably should’ve worked through years ago and admittedly I never thought his issues were that prevalent until we broke up. Plus I’m positive that Grace knew we slept together while they were broken up. There’s no way that was a shock to her. He would’ve told her himself and even if he somehow hadn’t, if Tanya knew then everyone else knew shortly after. Guaranteed. Lastly, I appreciate everyone concerned about any custody issues that may arise from this. I was also amused by the people who were hyping themselves up thinking that I was delusional and actually gonna be forced to put my baby on a plane by court order. I’m not sure why so many people on Reddit are used to dysfunctional relationships where judges and a huge custody battle need to be involved, but that’s not us. Jeff and I were together and very much in love for years. It might be hard to picture that when you’ve only read about the shitty end of our relationship but everything before the break up was an ideal relationship which is exactly why it hurt me so much when he ended it. Things are weird now but we don’t hate each other. Our default option, even in a complicated situation like this, is not “We’re taking this to court!” That would be the last resort. I’m sure we’ll work it out between ourselves long before it ever gets there. So on to the actual update... I planned on contacting Jeff after a couple weeks. I wanted to take time to gather my own thoughts and figure out what I wanted to say. Instead, I got phone calls from his number about a week after I returned home. He left a voicemail asking me to call him so we could talk. I was honestly furious because there’s no way he should’ve been able to find my number unless somebody told him. It might not seem like it’s a big deal but to me I saw it as there being somebody who betrayed my trust in them. I texted him asking how he got my number. He said it wasn’t important and that he wanted to talk. I said it is important to me but he still didn’t wanna tell me. I told him we can talk when he tells me who he got my number from. So finally he told me who it was and sent a screenshot of the conversation when I asked for proof. It was the second least likely friend I would have expected to break my trust. That’s a whole other story though. So we talked over FaceTime and he told me that he absolutely wants to be in our son’s life. He doesn’t know how it’s gonna work long term and neither do I. There was no threat of lawyers or his mom shouting “grandparent’s rights” in the background like people were expecting. We’re adults and we’ll figure it out. The situation is not any easier to handle logistically, but emotions from that night have died down and we have clearer heads to move forward with. He did however have the audacity to tell me that he hates that I didn't tell him much sooner and that I wasn't planning to tell him at all until Tanya found out because he "thought we meant more to each other than that." I told him I thought we did to until he told me not to contact him unless I was dying. That shut him up quickly because he knows now that it was an extreme and unnecessary thing to say even if he wanted to cut contact with me. He's apologized for it and I apologized for not telling him about the baby myself. That's all we can really do. We're about to co-parent a child together so we don't get the luxury of holding a grudge with one another over past slights. He also told me that he and Grace are no longer together. He claims that it was a mutual decision but that sounds too easy to me. How do you go from newly engaged to broken up in 18 hours with it being a completely clean process? I’m guessing he’s just sparing me the ugly details on what must have actually happened. I do feel bad for Grace. Other than incorrectly assigning blame for her ruined engagement party she didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know her personally but her proposal night should’ve been one of the best nights of her life and it was ruined. I wouldn’t want that for any woman. And because I know what everyone is gonna say, no I am not seeing this as an opportunity to get back together with Jeff. Honestly my focus is on my son right now. I’m not thinking about jumping into a relationship with anyone, much less the man who broke my heart once already. I think Jeff and I need to figure out how we’re gonna co-parent first and foremost. And tbh I want a man who loves me and chooses me for the person that I am, not because I happen to have given birth to his child. Plus I don't know that I could ever get over that he proposed to Grace over me. Even if they broke off their engagement I still wanna know *why* she got a ring and I didn't. And I am going to ask eventually, but I don't think any answer will ever make it okay to me. A lot of people said it wasn't that he didn't want marriage, he just didn't want it with me. I find that hard to believe because as I said above we really had an ideal relationship. Our breakup wasn't a buildup of issues. It really was as simple as "You want marriage and kids, I don't" which I think most would agree is just the natural end of a relationship. If it really is as simple as I just wasn't the one then I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me that himself. Jeff is a terrible liar even when he's lying for a good reason like a special surprise. He fidgets his fingers and can't maintain eye contact when he's lying. So if he looks me in the eyes and tells me his reason for why he chose to marry her and not me, I'll know if he's being honest. Jeff also told me that his mom wanted to send me stuff for the baby so he asked for my address. I declined. I’m positive that there are no nefarious reasons and she’s just excited and wants to help. This will be her first grandchild. However I still felt a little uncomfortable giving them my home address. He’s been texting me every day and calls me every night to say goodnight. Sometimes he wants to “talk” to the baby. It’s a bit confusing for me because he broke up with me because he didn’t want a kid but now he wants to be involved to the point where he’s going out of his way to contact me and ask if I need anything. It’s strange and I don’t really understand how his brain works but like I said in my last post I won’t deny him a relationship with his kid if he wants one. Jeff wants to visit me in person to talk properly, but I told him I’m not sure if that’s necessary right now. He asked to come last weekend and I said no. Then he asked again about possibly coming this weekend but I told him I can’t because I’m having my baby shower on Saturday. He wants to come. I’m not sure if that’s a great idea. I’m not worried that he would say or do anything bad and we're getting along over text/vc. I can tell that he just wants to be involved but part of me feels like it’s sort of... idk “playing house” almost? I guess it wouldn’t be a big deal if I made it clear he would be here as a friend and the father of the baby but not as anything more. My parents don’t think it’s a good idea but I know that’s just because they don’t like Jeff ever since he broke up with me. My sister who is more level-headed says that it could be a show of good faith that I’m serious about having a healthy co-parenting relationship and it’ll probably be easier to build that foundation now before the baby comes. My brothers don’t care either way but they say they’re ready to beat up Jeff if he does or says anything stupid. (He won’t, but I love my brothers for always looking out for me) I’m not sure what I’m going to decide but I know Jeff needs an answer soon so he can book a flight and a hotel room if I do say yes. I’m open to suggestions. **Comments** *I think this is a decision you need to make from your heart. Traditionally baby showers are for the mother. It is not uncommon for fathers to not be at the event even when the couple is together. I think what it really comes down to is, it’s YOUR day, you are carrying this baby, if you feel that him being there in any way would lessen your enjoyment of the day then he doesn’t get to be there.* >I actually wouldn't mind if he was there. As long as he understood that I'm not gonna be metaphorically holding his hand and introducing him to everyone as he'd be the odd man out at a party full of my family and friends. > >I think my issue is the talk. He's gonna want to have a serious talk if he comes here, and like I said I have things I want to know too. But I don't want that to overshadow my baby shower. If he was willing to put that talk aside until after the shower I think I'd be fine with coming. &#x200B; *You need to get yourself a therapist so that you have a clear-headed and impartial person that can give you good advice. From experience, I can tell you pregnancy hormones can exacerbate emotions and everyone else is emotionally invested as well, so a neutral party will benefit you.* >I don't disagree with you at all. Last month I cried because I thought the weather was gonna be perfect one day and it ended up being two degrees higher than predicted which made me feel like the whole day was ruined. So believe me, I know all about the pregnancy hormones throwing off my equilibrium. It sucks cause a lot of women were telling me that my hormones would only be out of sorts for the first trimester when my body was adjusting to the pregnancy but for me its been on and off all throughout my pregnancy. &#x200B; *I think you are still hurt by Jeff, that's why you don't let him come to visit you. Don't push him, he really wants to be part of his baby life, you are demotivating him. Baby is not only yours, Jeff is not the same person that told you he doesn't want kids, he CHANGE and for good. You are entitled to your question (why no me?) But don't mix things. One thing is your personal relationship with him as former partners and other is the relationship as parents...the baby is not here yet but the bond could be built from before the birth it self.* >Can a man change that quickly though? Some people were saying that men do actually change their mind once it becomes a reality but that just seems really fast. I mean granted I didn't talk to him for 6 months and he did propose to someone so I guess he could've changed his beliefs regarding marriage and children. > >I am trying to separate the feelings though. Honestly when he and I talk it just feels like talking to a friend. If he had been talking to me the way he does now 6 months ago I probably would've been fantasizing about us reconciling but that's not the case. I just wanna do what's right for my son now. &#x200B; *I had a feeling Grace wasn't going to stick around honestly.* *Like others have said, this is more up to you, this is going to be your kid and your baby shower. You obviously want the people who love and care about you around, and to feel comfortable. You probably will feel pretty awkward having Jeff there, and others might find it uncomfortable too. I'd keep the party small with those who you want to be there. I agree with your sister though about maybe setting a base ground on co-parenting before the baby comes along, maybe with a secondary party if you feel uncomfortable meeting him alone. I get a small feeling he's going to try to weasel his way back in though, try to get back with you and become that happy family he never got to have. What would you do OP, if he confesses his love for you, wants back with you and tells you he regrets everything? What would you say because I feel like this will certainly be a possibility.* >If he did it right this second? I would tell him no. He left me and proposed to the next woman he dated. That was a gut punch. I'm not saying I would never get back with him, but it would largely depend on what his reason for why he proposed to Grace and not me. If it was just that he thought she was prettier or she made him happier or something that boiled down to "I saw it being possible with her" then I would never get back with him because that means I was his second choice and he only got back with me for our son's sake and not because he actually loved me more than her. I honestly can't think of a reason he could say that would make me feel better about it though. > >Not only that but it would take time. He needs to prove that he's serious about co-parenting and that he's not just gonna give up or decide that he was right the first time and he doesn't wanna be a dad. I genuinely don't think he would ever abandon his son because he knows that pain himself, but I can't say for sure that he won't until he proves it. > >Yeah, the first thing I told him was that if I decided he could come then he would need to get a hotel because I'm not letting him stay at my house. Not even in my guest room. That's just too close for where we are right now. &#x200B; **Originally flaired as inconclusive, as the OOP was not going to post more, but I think it would probably be better marked as ongoing now that she got more positive support from her posts.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster - Do not harass or brigade the OOP.**

I lied about who my baby daddy is. Do I tell him the truth now?

INCONCLUSIVE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15padwu/i_lied_about_who_my_baby_daddy_is_do_i_tell_him/

15pas61

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/MyIssues123](https://www.reddit.com/user/MyIssues123/). She posted in [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/). There was a previous BORU post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11artn8/ops_husbands_coworker_tries_to_break_their/) with the first two posts compiled by [u/swankycelery](https://www.reddit.com/user/swankycelery/). Newest update is marked with \*\*\*\* **Trigger Warning:** >!mental illness; stalking!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frightening but hopefully hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11391r0/to_my_husbands_female_colleague/)**: February 15, 2023** **Title:** To my husband's female colleague I do not know your Reddit name but you finally gave me a reason to use this throwaway, I know you look through this sub after you got advice here telling you to come clean to me about your “affair” with my husband, I personally couldn’t find a thread that fit the description, but could be the wrong sub or you deleted it, so if you read this and it sounds familiar then yes it’s about you. I have no plans of speaking to you in the future but I want to make a few things clear. Yes I do remember when we first met at the Christmas party and you kept trying to get my husband alone to ‘talk’, you pouted so much when he refused I thought you would quack. Do you remember how all of his colleagues were friendly with me? I remember when you approached my husband and I walking home from my birthday dinner, I’m pretty sure this was a coincidence but seeing my husband practically jump away from you trying to hug him was the highlight of my night. I know my husband is sexy, of course I know, I married him and had kids with him, but I bet you didn’t know because you have only been at the company for a few months that your coworkers used to be my coworkers, I know all about you trying to get him alone after meetings, not only straight from my husband because you make him feel uncomfortable but also from them. Did you think he wouldn’t talk to me after you ‘accidentally’ sent him two provocative photos on two separate occasions, did you think you could really get him? Did you look at his Instagram and think wow I want that life I just need to lie to his wife and it’s all mine? Do you think knocking on my door when I’m hosting a dinner party to hand me printouts of your ‘conversations’ with him that I would go off on the deep-end and divorce him? I’m pretty sure HR have spoken to you already about your inappropriate behaviour and misuse of his personnel file. I’m sure you are shocked maybe you didn’t think my husband would report it. I don’t know what repercussions you will get and I don’t care, if you come near me, my husband, our kids or our nice home again police will be called. A word of advice if your going to fabricate messages you might want to get rid of the wrong number or at least replace it with a name. **UPDATE: Same Post (Date unknown, between 1 and 2 days later)** She has been fired with immediate effect, I will update when we know our next steps. Thank you for the support so far. **Edit: (February 18)** there’s a more detailed post regarding the update. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you try unddit to find her post?* "I thought about it but I honestly don’t know what sort of post I’m looking for… like is it a post where she admits to lying to me about a fake affair or one where she wants to have an affair or does she believe she had an affair." "Honestly I tried looking for it when she handed me the printout, she had an entire monologue memorised with apologies and mentioned Reddit a few times, but I couldn’t find anything when I looked that night, it could have been a different sub or she deleted it." *Restraining order?* "If she comes near us again I’ll look into it, spoke to my friend who is a police officer, can’t do anything yet, if she comes by again then I will discuss what our options are with him then. Something to do with intent if she shows up again, If I recall correctly." *Thank you from OOP:* "Guys I love the love I have had in this post so far, i didn’t expect this much attention or support, I have my family to feed and my in-laws are around now, I will reply when I can, and hopefully have an update tomorrow or Friday. For those worried about my safety please don’t be, cameras are working, kids are safe, dog is indoors and safe, our family is around, so if I don’t respond for a few hours I will return." *Did she say she accessed his personnel file or was it some other means?* "Sorry, I’ll try to explain the personnel file part more as It’s still the same since I left the company, everyone in the company has interlinked systems with their own user profiles, based on the department you work in you should have access to various systems. HR have a digital personnel system, now every time you go into any file there is a digital signature on a logging system, so if in the HR demo went in a file twice in a few days a colleague in HR could see that while running the reports. There has been logs of her going into his personnel file, I don’t know how many times, but she shouldn’t have access to that system as she is in the events department, so either someone gave her HR access (which also means she can edit the files however she wants sort of like Wikipedia) or it was a system glitch that wasn’t picked up. It’s part of what’s being looked into." *OOP explains she had to hand the printouts to HR, but summarizes their contents:* "I can only summarise as I don’t have them but that they loved each other, he would leave me for her, the house was his so I would need to move out with our kids, (the house is mine) that she wanted to have his babies, that he wished he met her first. 20 pages of bullshit." "It was a wonderful work of fiction once you got past the bad spelling, text speech, and the fucked up intentions" **Editor's note-** several posts were put forward as the possible colleague's post, but OOP confirmed that none of them was correct. I also was unable to find said post. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1153mb4/update_to_my_husbands_female_colleague/)**: February 17, 2023 (2 days later)** First I want to say thank you to everyone who supported my husband and I in my first post, this might go on for a little bit so I’m sorry in advance. I probably wont be as articulate as I was in my first post. I never found her post by the way. If all you want is the update skip to the bottom line. A few people implied that there was no smoke without fire, usually I would agree and have been on the other side making these comments myself on my actual account but my husband is also on Reddit and saw the comments and he wanted me to add some prior events. My husband is high up within the company marketing department that works closely with the event team in their field, when they work together on a project big or small they have to have meetings, the bigger the project the more meetings needed. My husband worked very closely with the colleague that went on maternity leave, the woman was highly recommended by a senior employee in the events team, so after she had training on the systems and brought up to speed by her department head and my husband for a big project he was friendly towards her. He remained professional at all times and the meetings they had were also never alone. The project was a success and then another big project landed in their laps, it was at this time the woman started acting strange just before the Christmas period, asking for clarification after meetings when the points had been discussed thoroughly. When my husband rebuffed this and directed her to her own manager it escalated to offering to discuss work matters over coffee/lunch/dinner countless times a week, telling him that he looked good that day, this was done using her work email. She met me at the Christmas party and sulked when she couldn’t get him alone and a few days later sent my husband the first picture via social media, he didn’t actually see the first picture until after she apologised in person, he accepted her apology before checking his messages when he was back at home with me, she had put a ‘oops sorry wrong person’ message straight after it so when he clicked that message the first picture was there, which she could have deleted before he actually saw the message. A week later a similar thing happens with a second picture on a different social media platform, he saw who the message was from and asked me to open it, it was a little more provocative then before, but when she apologised she asks him if he told me about the pictures as she didn’t want me to get the wrong idea as they were both obviously a drunken mistake. She was not a friend on any of his social media, so I don’t know how she thought that was an excuse. My birthday comes along and when she went to hug my husband he jumped away as her actions were getting him worried. But after that her actions calmed down a little bit, she sort of stopped asking him out to discuss work so much. But then last Monday happened. UPDATE: She was fired for sexual harassment and gross misconduct and this has led to someone else being suspended pending investigation. As my husband and I were both working from home due to the events that happened last week I was unaware at the time of my post that she had been suspended pretty much straight after my husband reported this to HR on the Wednesday, he handed over the text exchange, the messages on his social media with proof he never responded and he printed out the work emails he had received also. The reason for the rapid response was due to the nature of the allegations, but I can confirm she was fired yesterday. I have not been told what she said but she did not try to raise any allegation against my husband. In my comments I explained a little about the HR department’s system, the company uses an electronic personnel database which only HR employees can log into, no other employees should have access to this system, yet an employee in the IT department gave the woman unauthorised access to the HR system. A report was ran and she had been in my husband’s file 34 times, I don’t know what she actually did in there but apparently there was so many amendments that they had to restore his file from a recent backup. So the IT employee has been suspended pending an investigation but I don’t know much else about that as it’s not my job to know, I’m only recounting what I have been told by my husband and former colleagues. The past 48 hours has been crazy but I am glad that this post reached other platforms as a relative of hers found the post and reached out to us to apologise for the woman’s actions, after a few messages were exchanged we had a very long telephone conversation. I will not go into specifics due to their privacy however I can say the following things with permission. The woman has been fixated on other men before, resulting in her having an order of protection against her and her needing treatment, the family believes this is due to a traumatic event she witnessed when she was a child. She is normally very stable when she has medication, the only problem with that is when she is stable she believes she is completely healthy and stops taking the medication causing a relapse. The person that she had the text exchange with was her teenage niece, who was not aware of her aunts condition, the niece was under the impression it was a joke, then became scared when we called Wednesday morning so she hung up, she reported this to her family and they found out later that day the woman had been suspended. The family found the post and my comment referencing the text exchange and got my husbands name from the woman after confirming the post was her. The woman is currently staying with other relatives about 4 hours away from where we are, we will be contacted if she goes missing from their care especially while the medication is working its way back into her system. We will not be pressing charges at present but we have logged this with the police especially after talking about it with our friend and her family are aware of this. Our security is being updated within the next two weeks, the school and daycare are also aware of the people who can and can’t drop off/pick up my kids with photos of them. They have also been provided a photo of her and to contact my husband and/or I if they see her near the schools or attempts to pick my children up. Hopefully I won’t need to provide a further update to this and I’m going to have a bottle of wine and hopefully my husband and I will have a very good nights sleep. Edit: The niece found the post and recognised the some of the text exchange I referenced in my comments, possibly the part about kicking me out of my house with my kids as that was the only part I was not too vague about but I don’t actually know what else has gone on in their family behind the scenes as I didn’t speak directly to her. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Moving forward:* "Police are aware of the situation but unless she goes missing from her families care and shows up then I’m ok with how things are, but if that does happen I will definitely call them again straight away." *What did you mean by amendments?* "She had changed a lot of information on his file, I’m not allowed to know the exact extent but she had access to everything HR would. They managed to confirm that she didn’t access anyone else’s file also, and the amendments were reverted back when the backup was restored." *OOP's responses to people who are glad she is safe:* "Me too! I’m a little sad it came to me posting online for someone to give her the support she needed but I am happy she is far away from my family at the moment." "if I knew the full story back then I probably wouldn’t have initially posted. But I’m glad her family took action when they knew she wasn’t well again." *Did you ever find her old post?* "I never found the post, but with people making so many suggestions I admit I was overwhelmed with crazy posts, I looked through them and none of them matched. But I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for because she either fully believes she was having an affair with my husband and posted about that, or she admitted she lied to get me out the way. I also think it’s a possibly she has posted but changed too many details to remain anonymous so I couldn’t recognise it. I didn’t ask her family for her Reddit post history when we spoke. she never baked anything for my husband, she wasn’t in the a relationship either. Hope that answers a few, let me know if you have anything else I can clarify for you. :)" **Update in** [comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11391r0/to_my_husbands_female_colleague/jbiokiq/?context=3) **on OG post: March 8, 2023** "So a few mini updates since my update post. We’re still in contact with her relative, she is doing better than she was but the medication still needs to work it’s way into her system, it took a little while and her whole family to convince her why her actions were inappropriate and she needed to take her medication. The family is still worried we will go the legal route but we won’t at this time. The niece has reached out to apologise for her part, but she is only young. IT person has been let go, however I do have a bit more information regarding that:- she had asked for access to check her own file to check a reference, the IT person did it and forgot to take back the access, they had also given access to a few other employees, access has now been revoked from everyone with unauthorised access. I don’t know what the company will do with him yet but I believe they are talking this out with their legal team. The senior employee that referred the woman in the first place has also reached out to apologise, they had no idea there was even an issue until HR spoke to them. We will not be pressing charges against her or the company as we wish to just move on from this as well as we can, we would have if my husband’s professional reputation had been tarnished by this or we seemed to be in danger, but we are glad nothing more has happened other than a few new grey hairs on both of us." **\*\*\*\*Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15j9n53/6_month_update_to_my_husbands_female_colleague/) **2: August 5, 2023 (almost 6 months later)\*\*\*\*** Hello everyone, it’s been a while, I was hoping my last update would be the end of everything but things got crazier than we would have expected. I have tried to write this time and time again but each time I did something crazier happened so sorry if this post is a little rough around the edges. For a while it all seemed like a bad soap opera; things went from bad to worse to outright ridiculous. A lot of stuff has happened since my last post so I apologise if I ramble and appreciate if you have read my other posts so far. If you have not read the previous posts a quick recap; my husband worked with someone who became infatuated with him and turned up at our house with fake evidence of their ‘affair’, but she was/is mentally unwell. So my husband and I agreed with her older brother Wayne (fake name, he is the father of the niece) that ex-colleague Sarah (fake name) went to stay with her aunt and uncle 4 hours away who would help her recover and make sure she stayed on her medication until she was healthy enough to get a job again and trust her to stay on her medication, Wayne promised us they would contact him if there was anything important to report and in turn he would contact us if she went missing in their care. So everything was going well until late March, my phone was in the house and I was doing some gardening in the front while the weather was warm and I look up and Sarah was in front of me, she was smiling and ‘oh so glad’ that she caught me when I was home’ because she kept showing up when none of our cars were in the driveway. Before I even managed to process her presence she yells with excitement that is pregnant and my husband is the father. I swear my eyebrows contorted in confusion so much I couldn’t see for a moment. It was evident she had not been on her medication, not because she was a mess, she was dressed very well and looked well cared for, but she was still under the impression that my husband had this forbidden romance with her. She goes on to tell me that their love child is due in mid June! And that as I have been a dutiful wife and stuck by my husband through his ‘infidelity’ then we have to get along if I am to be in their love child’s life and she hopes that I do not hold a grudge of their love against their child. Which is all well and good if there was a chance what she said was accurate but I will state again that there is no way he could be the father, he doesn’t have the time for an affair! With four kids, work, our joint social life and his hobbies (that are in our house) and our joint hobbies, unless he is actively cheating on his commute to and from work there is no chance! Also with her due date she would have gotten pregnant before she even met my husband! I mean he had a little something to do with the interview process by glancing over her resume but they didn’t actually meet until she started working. As soon as she left I found my phone had numerous missed calls from Wayne and messages and voicemails begging to call him back, so I called back to get more information before I called my husband. Wayne confirms that his Aunt slipped up when she was giving him an update on Sarah’s condition which led to her spilling everything that had happened, I was not witness to this conversation so I do not know full details but I know there was an argument and it resulted in finding out the following; as soon as she got to their Aunt and Uncles house that she admitted she was pregnant, they jointly decided that she wouldn’t take the antipsychotics until she gave birth to her baby, she promised that would stay away until after the baby was born but she was adamant my husband was the father and then decided the day before she needed to let us know! She is a curvy lady so I may not have seen a 4/5 month baby bump when she turned up at my house but I was a bit preoccupied when she turned up. There goes my bragging about my observation skill set. According to Wayne their aunt and uncle were of the impression that my husband was the father of the baby as a result of a one night stand and that he was denying his cheating to me and that she became obsessive after this event. But apparently she could do no wrong in their eyes so accepted all of this and took her at her word without confirming this with Wayne, so all of the updates we had from them was just lip service. Wayne was just as upset as we were, he knew his sister was spiralling in this delusion and his family that were meant to support her were letting this happen. So I relayed all of this to my husband who was understandably upset and concerned for our safety. We log this with the police and decide that we can go forward with a restraining order after paternity is proven as at that moment it is just he said she said because my husband could not prove he never touched her. The next time Sarah showed up in early April we see her approaching, we send our kids upstairs and casually walk outside to talk to her… I did not want to talk to her where there were no cameras, I don’t want her near my kids and I didn’t want her knowing the layout of our home… she asks to go inside and rubs her rounding stomach, I firmly tell her no, my husband tells her he wants a paternity test which she seems offended by because she ‘never cheated on him’ but to prove that the baby is his she agrees to have one after the baby is born. As infuriating as the situation is it’s understandable as it’s her body. I admit if this was the first time I had met her witnessing the conversation I would be seriously questioning my husband, she seemed genuine, coherent and confident even! That was the scary part, that she fully believed that my husband was her babies father. I’ve seen mental illness before and have never witnessed anything like this. She just seemed so sincere… until she asked for money to support his unborn child and get things as even though she was staying with family out of town and as she no longer had a job with their ‘affair’ getting out she wanted to be on her own by the time the baby was born. We refused and told her if paternity was proven then we would help. **(continued in top comment)** Late April we get a call from my husband parents, who despite knowing the whole situation asked my husband if there was a chance the baby could be his after reaffirming the no they explained that they were at home and got a knock on the door and it was Sarah, she wanted to introduce herself because once the baby was born she wanted them involved in the baby’s life. They already knew who she was already and what had happened so we gave them strict orders to not upset her because we do not know what she is capable of just that she is pregnant and unmedicated. My husband was disappointed and worried but understood they had to ask at least once, his no was enough for them. We do not know how she located their address, we think she may have followed us at one point or maybe it was on his personnel file she saw as his previous address. We checked with our kids that nobody they didn’t know had approached them and they said no, even checked to make sure if they had been told to keep secrets, confirmed no, even our youngest, but they are never alone anyway. A week after this she came to our house when we had people over for a BBQ, our kids were at my in-laws and we had an opportunity to try to relax with our friends, we spoke briefly about what happened recently and then she was walking through my kitchen into the garden like she owned the place! She was cradling her rounder stomach and started introducing herself! This was the first time our friends had a look at her but she was not allowed to stay for long, my husband ushered her out quickly followed by me. Everything about trying to keep her calm to not trigger a mental health breakdown evaporated then, there were words exchanged, that she can not come to our house, it was not possible for him to be the father of her unborn baby as they had never slept together, they never had a relationship, he didn’t owe her any money, my husband let loose on her all of the frustrations. We saw Sarah’s face sort of break… no violence on our part but for a second she looked confused and shocked and then she left quite quickly. We got Wayne on the phone after Sarah left to tell him what happened, he was going to search for her and found her later on that night. I started the process of putting our home up for sale! I needed a place that was a fortress and despite loving our home knowing she just seemed to be turning up when she wanted I didn’t feel safe and secure there anymore. My husband and I discussed bringing the restraining order forward but we didn’t want to trigger any mental health breakdown. I got word that after the BBQ a few of our friends were not 100% confident in my husband and started asking more questions trying to poke holes in his story. I can understand why so does my husband. She is so adamant that he is the child’s father that ‘something MUST have happened at least once!’ And that I was ‘deluded’ for believing my husband. I don’t blame them for gossiping…. If it was happening to someone I was acquainted with I would probably think the same. But we were lucky that it wasn’t any of our close friends or family that were gossiping. She turned up when we were visiting my relatives, the camera caught her looking inside our house through the windows, she didn’t seem too coherent at that time, she stood outside the house for a long time and she was talking gibberish to herself and seemed paranoid. Seeing this made me accept an offer on our home and pick out a lovely new home in a gated community, we’re in the process of moving now. Wayne reached out and advised that Sarah had the baby, who looked a lot like her ex, asked if my husband still wanted to do the DNA test because it obviously wasn’t his, which he agreed to because he wanted to put this behind us and to remove any possible doubt from me, I told him that I never doubted him because I didn’t, I was scared of the situation and behind closed doors we had a lot of heated discussions because we were stressed out but never because I thought he could be the innocent child’s father. We also agreed so she could not ask for child support at a later time. The aunt and uncle have been corrected on their misunderstanding of the situation and also berated for the enabling behaviour of Sarah. Some tough but necessary conversations were had with them according to Wayne. Once they understood what had happened they were mortified and wanted Wayne to pass on their apologies. He has taken PTO and will be staying with them for a while. After Sarah had the baby her brother, aunt and uncle gave her the ultimatum that she takes her medication in front of them every day and to not try to contact us or they put her into a mental health facility while her brother looks after the newborn until she is well enough to be released, she agreed to take the medication. DNA came back and surprise my husband IS NOT the father. The look of relief and happiness on his face was priceless. It’s been a crazy 6/7 months but things have calmed down now. Sarah is doing well apparently but still struggling as a new mother, Wayne is encouraging her to get in contact with her ex. She is slowly coming to terms with the fact she didn’t have an affair with my husband now that the medication is starting to take effect. I gave some baby essentials to Wayne to pass on to her as I’m packing up things to move anyway. I may have missed a few events but if you need any clarification let me know. Glad life seems to be back to normal. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Police involvement:* "We are going ahead with a restraining order. Sorry my post was too long and I had rewritten this a good few times so I may have cut out a few relevant bits… The incidents were logged with the police each time but a lot of time she did nothing but talk, no threats, no violence, just something ‘off’ about the conversation at best. Also my husband wanted to clear his name first and in order to do that he needed to do the DNA test, restraining order would have complicated getting that done quickly, he wanted to prove to me that he hadn’t cheated on me. Have you ever dealt with a mentally unstable person, that just shows up out of nowhere when you least expect it… when you see that panicking is the worst thing you can do because you do not think clearly when you panic, it’s best to keep calm and avoid confrontation. We did lose it at her once when she turned up at a BBQ. This woman completely believed her and my husband were in love and that 100% believed that her baby was his. And yes I care about the well-being of an innocent child, I’m a mother to four children, I can’t imagine what it must be like for her being mentally unwell and a new mother." Hope this helps." *Did you tell the people buying your home?* "Don’t worry already made them aware of why we are moving." *I wouldn't have given her anything:* "She honestly doesn’t know that they are from us, I say that because she wouldn’t even suspect they are from us because why would we after everything she has done give her anything out of the goodness of our hearts… I told Wayne and his wife that I didn’t want her to know who they are from, he can say he picked them up at goodwill for a good deal or that one of his friends knew his sister was pregnant, a lot of the stuff we kept in pristine condition, other than the boxes looking a little worn you would not know they are not new." *Why didn't you get a DNA test during the pregnancy?* "Thank you, we know that there are blood tests but she refused and wanted to wait till after the baby was born, we were not (at the time) going to force a mentally unwell pregnant woman to do something she didn’t want, we didn’t want to risk her harming us or herself." *Why was your husband relieved?* "He believed that I thought that I did have doubts about him. That there was a little voice in the back of my mind telling me he did it, that she was his mistress and he got her the job at the company to spend time together…. You-know the usual bored soap storyline."

To my husband’s female colleague- a saga of obsession

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15pas61/to_my_husbands_female_colleague_a_saga_of/

15pc2qn

I am not the OP of this post. The OOP is u/throwralivingone, and I received permission to post this here as the OOP is looking for support. This community is really awesome at helping with advice, and perhaps this can be another case of support Trigger Warning: >!slander, online harassment, racial accusations!< **July 9th, 2023**: [Someone in my(m22) friend group congratulated my girlfriend(f23) on starting a business, and it led to a huge argument](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwralivingone/comments/14vadg9/someone_in_mym22_friend_group_congratulated_my/) My girlfriend (Jane) recently started a side business of being a baker after graduating college, and she bakes out of her home. She took some commissions during college, but didn't have the time to fully commit to it, so she only did it on the side during college. It's not her main job now, but she hopes it can be someday. It's where her passion is, and her mother used to bake a lot too, thus how she learned. She mostly does cupcakes and cookies by word of mouth, and a lot of people used to reach out to her personal Instagram to ask about orders. She recently created a new Instagram specifically for orders and posting photos of her pastries, and that's her business Instagram now. However, it lead to an argument within our friend group that has caused distance between some, and that's why I'm posting today. We were friends in high school, but we started dating about 4 months ago for context Krystal is the friend she had an argument with, and she is very politically active. She is more so Jane's friend from college, and Jane invited her into our friend group. She also introduced me to Krystal who she met in one of her classes. Krystal has a second Instagram account that promotes/reposts inspiring stories, and she often gives a written commentary on each post she shares. When Jane opened her business and made her baking Instagram, Krystal screenshotted the page and made a post telling people to congratulate her friend who started a "black-owned business" along with how she was proud of her , and she left a link to Jane's page. However, Jane had an issue with it, and she saw the post and reacted to it before I learned about it when we were with our friend group at a bbq on Friday A few of us were sitting at a table when Jane confronted Krystal in front of everyone, and she said she wanted Krystal to remove the post. When Krystal asked why, she said she didn't ask permission to do a shout-out, but she didn't stop there. She said she didn't appreciate being congratulated for starting a black-owned business because being black "had nothing to do with it", and she said it was "disrespectful to the skills she learned". She also said it was disrespectful to her parents because she was mixed; her mom is black and hispanic and her dad is white. But when Krystal said that she thought it was inspiring, she said that the shoutout was "unearned" because she didn't want to be inspiring or "make everything about race", and this was when I told her that it wasn't the right place for the conversation because Jane was getting really upset, but she told me to shut up and that it had "nothing to do with me" But when Krystal asked why she was getting upset, she said it was because BLM was an "easy way to get likes" for her Instagram and that it "wasn't genuine". She even joked that she could choose to buy a black car instead of a white one, and she would "spin it into something political". Krystal apologized and said she'd take it down, but someone else (Jon) sitting there said Jane was being ridiculous and called her "not black". I immediately told Jon that that was out of bounds, but Jane snapped at me again and said she was didn't need me to stand up for her. Jane then told Jon that Krystal never asked for her consent, but Krystal left the table as Jon told Jane that she was being ungrateful and should've just accepted the shoutout. Jane then said she wasn't there to argue with Jon and went to look for Krystal. But when I followed and told her that we should just leave, she decided to go to the car and leave because she didn't want to go back outside to where Jon was There is more to the argument that involved other people, but for the sake of time and this already being long, I'll just include the main people in Krystal and Jon. When we were driving home, I asked Jane why she didn't talk to me about the post before the party (I learned about it for the first time at the party), but she said it didn't concern me because Krystal was her friend. When I said that the bbq wasn't the right place to address it in front of everyone, she said the post was on her mind since it was posted a few days ago, and the bbq was the next time she would've seen Krystal. But when I asked why she didn't call her instead instead of doing it in front of everyone, she said she didn't think of that, but wanted to do face to face When I told her that I felt dismissed by how she snapped at me twice, she said she was sorry but that she didn't want me to defend her. Krystal took down the post on the same Friday night. However, Jon went on social media on Saturday and ranted about Jane didn't think she was black, and she engaged him in the comments last night which led to me making this post. When I called her yesterday to talk about Jon, she didn't want to talk about the rant and reminded me not to try and defend her, so I didn't press her. Honestly, I've kinda felt dismissed over the weekend, and she's never really dismissed me in all the years we've been friends. Granted, we only started dating 4ish months ago, but it still hurts When I asked if we could talk about how I felt dismissed yesterday, she said we could when she cooled down, but that she didn't want to do it immediately. She wants me to stay out of it, and it honestly hurts. I should've added this earlier, but I am Chinese for context. For more context, Jane is also supportive of blm like Krystal, and we have both been to a few events together. We have also gone to pride walks with friends and blm walks during 2020 especially, but she doesn't want me to have any say at all in this matter. I want to ask what would be the best way to go about this as she doesn't want to talk until she's cooled down, and I also want to ask if this is cause to be concerned and how to help her through what happening with Jon and everything. Sorry for this being so long, but there were a lot of angles and context needed [Update Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwralivingone/comments/14vadg9/someone_in_mym22_friend_group_congratulated_my/): **(July 16th, 2023)** Before I get to my update, I want to say I'm grateful to the commentor in my first post who said that I was overreacting by telling Jane that I was hurt by how she told me to shut up despite her apologizing. I just felt the urge to try and defend her when Jon said everything that he did, and the commentor said that Jane was more than capable of defending herself and to not personalize it to much and focus on supporting her instead, and that made my first post worth it already to have learned that. I also apologized to Jane for overstepping my boundaries, and she apologized to me again for telling me to shut up even though I told her that she didn't have to. I told her that I would let her handle it and that I didn't want to make it seem like she couldn't defend herself, but she said she would value my advice because we were in it together, and she apologized for excluding me too. I'm writing again because Jon has continued to go after her along with a few others, and I want to ask for advice on how to best support her. Lastly before the update, the most that Jane responded to Jon on Facebook was telling him to stop talking about her in a single reply; nothing more, nothing less. Jon continued to rant in reply to her response, but she didn't respond anymore Krystal replied to Jon in the comments (of his original post) and told him that the situation had nothing to do with him. She also told him that she was wrong to shoutout Jane without her consent and apologized to her following the party and that she wanted to apologize publicly too. Krystal also made a post on her Instagram apologizing for the shoutout too after deleting it. She also called Jane and told her she felt terrible for everything Jon was doing that she said was her fault, and she said she hoped it didn't ruin the friendship. Jane told me that she was a little surprised with her second apology, but she accepted it and both agreed that Jon was way overboard. Jane also apologized for going overboard in what she said to Krystal in front of everyone and admitted that Jon's involvement made her more upset that she wrongfully took out on her, more on that later Similarly to Krystal, Jon is very politically active on his socials, and he is also black for context to the situation as is Krystal. Jon made an Instagram reel about Jane and stated that she "wasn't proud of her heritage". He also stated that she "shouldn't have gone into business as a black woman if she didn't intend to be a role model to young girls" and that he was going to "make sure people didn't support her business" which really surprised us by how personal he's taking it. He even had the nerve to tag Jane's personal and business Instagram, and Jane has received some vulgar DMs as a result along with comments on some of her pastries. He also stated that she tried to throw something at him when he suggested being a role-model at the party, something that never happened because nobody became violent. He also said that he didn't report her to the police "because black people have to build each other up" and he "wants Jane to learn from the situation" because "she has a responsibility to be a role model whether she likes it or not". He also wrote that Jane once told him that she wasn't black which is another lie. He also shared his video on Twitter and Facebook while tagging Jane's pages in both, and the majority of our friend group have called him out in the comments, but that hasn't stopped him He's continued to post about her on numerous days following the incident, and our friend group decided to cut him out as a result. We met a few days after everything Jon posted, and Jane and Krystal apologized to the group for having their argument at the host's party and ruining the event, but they were really accepting of it. Some also said that Jon had a habit of going overboard with his opinions, but that they overlooked it to not rock the boat on many occasions, something they regret and some apologized for too. We talked about how Jon said he's trying to ruin Jane's business, and they told us that they're commenting in his videos and will continue to do so although he blocked some of them on his socials already, so they began thinking of ideas of how to help Jane's business be protected from him The last thing I'll say is this. In regards to why Jane exploded at Krystal at the party, she said it was because Jon reposted the shoutout that Krystal made, and she thought that he was involved with it too. She also said she was upset because Jon had a history with her that I didn't know about, and she told me about it. Jon once DM'd her about how she made pride/trans themed cupcakes for June, but didn't do anything for Black History Month. Jane actually thanked him for the suggestion and said she would do it along with other potential suggestions, but he called her out for "not thinking of it herself" along with "thinking she's better than other blacks". Jane apologized to me for internalizing it and said she wanted to work through things together going forward, and hopefully we can become stronger because of it. But a lot of what she yelled at Krystal about was actually meant for Jon (because she thought he was involved in Krystal's post), and she admitted she was wrong and apologized to Krystal about it too, and she also shared that bit with our friend group when we met to discuss Jon. I'm open to any suggestions on how to deal with Jon as he's continued to post about her after his initial videos, and I really want to thank anyone who replies \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Additional Comments (Phalangebanshee) "I mean it would have been a lot more mature for your girlfriend to pull her friend aside and talk about it with her friend in private instead of confronting her in front of her entire friend group. I understand why she’s upset and she has every right to be, she could have handled it a little bit better though. It’s understandable you’re hurt at being shut down and snapped at when you have nothing but good intentions, while your girlfriend is allowed to be upset at her friend, this situation could have been avoided if she just pulled her friend aside and talked in private if she didn’t want anyone else to butt in her conversation. I don’t think you should feel upset about her wanting to stand up for herself though, because it seems she handles herself well in confrontational situations. She was probably heated and didn’t want anyone to speak for her, which is completely understandable. Definitely address how she spoke to you and how it made you feel, but try not to read too deeply into it. It sounds like her friend trampled over some of her personal boundaries so she is probably defensive right now, the best thing to do is to just listen to her and respect what she tells you

Someone in my(m22) friend group congratulated my girlfriend(f23) on starting a business, and it led to a huge argument

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throwra2982

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15poo7j

Originally posted by u/gold_independent_30 in r/AITAH on July 18, '23 updated on Aug 6, '23. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/153070i/aita_for_telling_my_husband_his_job_as_a_stay_at/)** July 18, '23 &nbsp; AITA for telling my husband his job as a stay at home dad is only easy because I help out? I tried to post it on other subreddits but they keep removing it because my account is new. I am writing this from the guest bedroom because my husband and I had a fight. So, the thing is my husband is a stay at home dad. 3 years ago he wanted to quit his job and take care of the house and children (6f and 2m). I work a decent job and earn most of the money. My husband takes pride in being a SAHD. He always brags about how it is the easiest job in this world and women are just complaining for no reason. But the truth is I help him with the chores as much as I can. In the morning I wake up and fix the breakfast for them, my husband gets our daughter ready for school. I also do meal preps for lunch. All he has to do is assemble them and cook it. I pack my and my daughter's lunch. When I am at work, he does the cleaning and spends time with our son or does his thing. Later when I come home, I cook the dinner and give my son a bath, help my daughter with her school work or I play with them for sometime until bed time. Besides that, whenever we do laundry I fold the clothes that he washes and put them away. And during deep cleaning of our house we split the tasks 50-50. I also handle all the doctors appointment. This system works really well but I hate that he thinks my contribution is not enough. That he does all the chores and I do not even lift a finger. Moreover, he has a blog and tiktok where he films his days. He also makes posts about how easy it is to be a SAHD and women just complain and full of it. It is the easiest job in this world. I am glad he likes it but I hate he thinks he is superior to everyone and invalidating their experience. I grew up in a house where my dad didn't even lift a finger and my mom did literally everything around the house. He was the "fun" dad doing bare minimum. So, I do not want that to happen to my husband. Also it is my house too, I believe if both people do chores the stress becomes less. Also, I know many of my friends who struggle with doing chores as a SAHM. I also know women who work and still do majority of the chores. And his comments makes me irritated. SO, yesterday my friend Ashley came to visit. She is a mother of two. Her son probably has ADHD and very much active, she has trouble handling her son and gets no help from her husband. Her son breaks a cup in our house. Ashley was saying sorry. My husband cleaned it up and she was complaining how exhausted she is. My husband scoffed and told her "You must be doing the parent thing wrong because I am a stay at home parent too but I never had problem. My wife barely does anything around the house and it is so easy. Maybe I should give you a lesson or two." I can see Ashley was upset. I understand why. Later that day I told him what he said to Ashley was very rude. My husband acted as if he said nothing wrong and was honest. I pointed that he doesn't do all the chores. I help him with at least 40%. That's why he thinks it is easy. He again argued that those chores are not significant compared to what he does. I told him he is being mean to everyone. We got lucky that our kids are easy and not active. Most of the kids are hard to handle. He again scoffed and said how hard can it be. We argued about this and he told me I am being ungrateful because no man would ever sacrifice like he did. I am upset and gave him some space. Was I wrong to point it out? EDIT: Just want to point out, I have no issues of him being a SAHD. I just don't like his attitude towards it and the way he thinks it is the easiest job in this world because to me and most of the people it is still a job that has no vacation days. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15jr640/updateaita_for_telling_my_husband_his_job_as_a/)** Aug 6, '23 &nbsp; Ok, I took everyone's advice and stopped working my part of the chores. I did tell him beforehand since he thinks my contribution to the housework is nothing then I will stop doing everything altogether. I told him since he thinks being a SAHD is easy then he should have the full experience of it. My friend's husband doesn't even lift a finger around the house. So I wouldn't too. He was obviously upset. He wanted to argue I cannot do this to him. He even tried to pull the incompetence card. I told him I am not going to do my portion of the job at home. I also gave the typical excuse "I work all day at my office so that we can survive on one income, it is selfish for him to expect me to do housework." That's what I did. I didn't do any housework. I didn't wake up in the morning and made breakfast. My husband had to do it. It wasn't hard for him. But I can see he was moody. I asked him to prepare my lunch because that is also my job. He refused at first but then I told him he said he will do all the household chores too. That includes my lunch as well. He only packed me a peanut butter jelly sandwich. I didn't do meal prep for lunch. It was his to figure out. At night when I came home, I didn't make dinner. I asked him to do it. He was shocked but did it anyways. I didn't gave my son a bath. He is fussy which pissed my husband off. I only helped my daughter with her home work. I didn't help him with the laundry. The first few days he didn't say a word. But after a week, it was showing that he is getting exhausted. He was getting more and more angry at small stuff and usually cleaning would cool him off. But whenever he sees a mess he throws a tantrum. In the weekends, I went to my mother's house to relax. That weekend, we were supposed to clean our bathrooms. He did that all by himself. As the days progressed I can see him being really angry at me. Even I admit, it has affected our intimacy a lot. At last after 2 weeks, he told me (basically yelled) that I proved my point. Things are back to normal. But I can see he is very distant with me. Last night I asked him to talk to me. He said he knew what game I was playing but he did not appreciate me treating him like garbage and not considering his feelings. I told him it was his words that being a SAHD is easy. I just gave him the full experience of it. He kept denying that I should have been more supportive. All these week he felt like nobody and so underappreciated. He felt invisible. He started to hate me for not giving a fuck and dumping everything on him. He is still not talking to me. We have booked a couple's therapy session next week. Let's see if our relationship sustains or not. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >is alimony a thing where you’re from? OP: We live in a no fault state. >Uh...that has nothing to do with whether or not alimony gets awarded. You'd best check that out. OP: We don't have a prenup. He has been out of work for 3 years. Maybe I do have to pay him alimony. But I am not sure is there any option where even if he gets alimony, he has to find a job within certain amount of time otherwise, his spousal support will be revoked. >As he is the stay at home parent, he will likely get primary custody as it is seen as better for the kids consistently wise. OP: I am not planning on divorce. I believe in our marriage. I am hopeful we will go through with it. If divorce comes, i will be pushing for 50-50 &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for telling my husband his job as a stay at home dad is only easy because I help out?

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KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15poo7j/aita_for_telling_my_husband_his_job_as_a_stay_at/

15posso

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/guibfyuioknb **My boyfriend wants a free car from me** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Financial abuse and emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14ykmhc/my_boyfriend_wants_a_free_car_from_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **July 13, 2023** Last week my boyfriends car broke down. It very conveniently broke down the day after I had bought myself my own second car. He got really upset about not having transportation, and I told him he could borrow and then buy my old car. He agreed, and I asked him how long it would take to get the money for the car. He said he didn’t know, maybe two months. I explained to him that I was really stressed about him driving my car for two months for free because if anything happened to the car, especially an accident or something, it’s still in my name and it would be me who loses a car, my insurance that goes up, etc. He called me selfish and nearly broke up with me. He finally got me to agree to give him the title to the car for just $500 and get the rest of the money later. Then he told me to just send the insurance information to him. I said “okay but you’re not on my insurance.” He got very visibly upset and then started to get mad that I didn’t get him insurance for my car for him to drive around for free indefinitely. It’s starting to feel more like I’m parenting him than dating him and I don’t know what to do. edit: For extra context, he doesn’t have the title yet. But he is still driving it so that means he’s still driving it in my name and without insurance. I’ve been dating him for a year and he’s a very good driver. We’re 22. He’s only going to get like $400 for his car because it’s junk. I asked him to get his own insurance for the car. He said that would be expensive so he won’t be able to pay me for the car soon. So he’ll have his own insurance but it’ll still be in my name? I might just ask for the car back soon because it’s starting to become too much of a risk. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **MythicalMoomoo** >Girl you're so foolish and naive. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ **OOP replied** >I know, and he knows that too. I told him when we first started dating that I’ve been taken advantage of a lot because I’m so naive, and even a few weeks ago I was struggling at work because I was supposed to be working on a project with a coworker and the coworker didn’t do anything to help me, and my boyfriend said he didn’t like seeing people take advantage of me and I needed to stand up for myself. I’m really working on it and I’ve gotten a lot better, but I still always just assume people have the best intentions and I try to be as helpful as I can, even though it doesn’t always work out well for me * **sitnquiet** >Lol calls you selfish... >"Listen, dude - YOU are making this relationship about a car, I'm not. If this is your hill to die on, so be it, but I will not be manipulated into giving you a car for free (or $500) and then covering you with my insurance. Step up and grow a pair, figure out your own car issue, or get out - you're not putting this on me." >(ahem) But that's just what I would say. **OOP replied** >I’ve told him something about like figuring it out on his own and he couldn’t. Actually my exact words that made him call me selfish and almost break up with me were “I shouldn’t have to worry about things that aren’t my responsibility”. Because he told me if I didn’t let him just use the car for free/cheap, he would have to uber everywhere and it would take him longer to get money. Every time I bring it up it turns into an argument until I just agree to let him use it for free. But now that I mentioned I’m not paying for insurance for him he wants the title for $500. * [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15jqxf5/update_my_boyfriend_wants_a_free_car_from_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 6, 2023** Everyone was right, I maybe should’ve just ended things with my boyfriend before now. We made a contract and payment plan for the car. He paid me $500 up front and has had the car for about a month. He’s already put over 2,000 miles on it. It needs an oil change, I’ve reminded him twice to do that and he hasn’t. He’s going to be really upset if something breaks on the car because he wouldn’t maintain it. He owed me another $500 on Thursday. He didn’t pay it, but promised he would on Friday. He didn’t pay it Friday. Finally on Saturday he sent me $400 and said he’d give me the other $100 in a few days. Now he’s back to being cold and distant to me and acting like he wants to break up, at least in part because I asked for the money he owed me. He said that he needed time and space. He won’t say I love you anymore. He doesn’t want to see me for a few days. Things were going great for a few weeks, but the second the car or money is brought up he gets like that. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Maybe he’ll get over it and treat me how he usually does again, but if he keeps acting the way he is right now (barely talking to me, not even acting like we’re in a relationship, not saying I love you, not spending time with me) our relationship is over. A car shouldn’t be this divisive, I thought I was being helpful by letting him use it when he had literally no other option and I hate that I’m being treated like this. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Alternative-Ad3401** >2,000 miles??????? Bro if you don’t break tf up with him right now. He’s using you - and you know he’s gonna try and keep the car if you break up. Give him what he paid you back and cut your losses. Take that car and drive far far away. **OOP replied** >I know but I don’t even know if I want it back at this point because yeah 2000 miles is a lot. And he’s already given me $900 dollars which is almost half of what the car is worth anyways. If I took it back then I’d be giving all of that back, I’d have to get the oil change myself and deal with any other problems from the extra miles. He might as well keep it at this point even if we do break up * **LeftPhilosopher9628** >Why are you still with this asshole at this point? **OOP replied** >Because apparently I have no self respect. I don’t think he even likes me anymore, so I don’t know why I’m still with him or why he won’t just admit it to both of us and break up with me * ##**NEW UPDATE** * **OOP HAS POSTED AN UPDATE AFTER THE BORU POSTED** [NEW UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15pzp4b/my_boyfriend_wants_a_free_car_from_me_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 13, 2023** I saw that my post was put somewhere else and a lot more people are starting to look at it so here is another update. My bf has the title to the car now. It’s not mine anymore. We have a contract, so if he doesn’t pay I’ll take him to small claims court. He already has his own insurance for it. The relationship is pretty much over. I’m going to break up with him some time in the next week. I think it’s been over for some time. The only hard thing is that we’ll have to stay in contact because he still owes me money. And as soon as I can afford it, I’m going to try to start therapy. I know that being so passive isn’t good for me and I should be able to stand up for myself more. So I’m going to try to work on that. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boyfriend wants a free car from me

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15posso/my_boyfriend_wants_a_free_car_from_me/

15pptt5

Originally posted by u/amigreedy12 in r/AmItheAsshole on July 28, '23 updated on Aug 2, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Death of a loved one, struggling single mom, financial troubles!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15cir2e/aita_for_refusing_to_forgive_a_debt_that_will/)** July 28, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for refusing to forgive a debt that will cost my sister a house?** My mother died about 2 months ago. She didn’t leave behind much other than a paid for house (worth about $180K) and a little money in the bank. Mom announced a couple of years ago that she intended to leave her house to my sister Sara who takes care of her severely disabled son full-time. Mom said that she wanted to make sure they had a roof over their heads and the rest of her kids could make it on their own. Sara does struggle a lot and has said many times that she wouldn’t have been able to make it without Mom. When Mom died she had some bills outstanding, but her biggest debt was that she owed me $37K. I had loaned her the money so that she could fix her plumbing and septic system, as well as making the house more handicapped friendly for Sara and Jeremy. Mom had been paying me back every month. I have paperwork proving the money is owed. Here is the problem. If I file a claim against her estate like any other creditor would do, my brother John (Mom’s executor) will have no choice but to pay it. But to do so – he will have to sell the house since there isn’t money in the estate to pay it any other way. Which means that Sara and Jeremy will have to find a different place to live. I know Mom wanted Sara to have the house. There is also the issue that Mom’s will said Sara got the house, but any money in the estate would be split evenly between the other 4 of us. So technically we think that means Sara wouldn’t actually get anything (John is talking to a lawyer to make sure he is reading that right). Sara is also concerned that if she did get a large amount of money (John and I have both said we would give her whatever we got from the house if it does get sold) – that it could interfere with the help she gets from the government. John and Sara are both pushing me to not file a claim against the estate. But if I don’t – then the loan basically goes away. Sara has said that she will pay it back to me and would even sign a new loan. The trouble is that I don’t believe her. She has borrowed money before and never paid it back – not because she doesn’t want to, but because she can’t afford to. She struggled with money living with Mom – so it is going to be even worse for her without Mom paying bills in the house as well. If I don’t file a claim – I will be out $37K – and that is far more than I want to hand over as a gift – even to my sister. I’ve told John and Sara that I am officially filing a claim on Monday morning. They are both calling me a greedy asshole and telling me that I am ignoring what Mom wanted. I think it's unreasonable to expect me to just forget $37K. AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* The will wasn't left vague - Mom wanted Sara to get the house, but the rest of us to split what money was left. Mom thought there would be some money - but that it wouldn't come close to the value of the house. It turned out that there wasn't enough to pay back her debt to me. . My sister is not a deadbeat. You can't pay back money if you don't have it. I trust her intentions. I don't trust her ability to follow through. She is not married. . I'm open to suggestions. I want to be clear that my sister is a good person. She isn't refusing to pay back money she borrows because she is out having a good time. She is struggling to take care of her child with absolutely no help from her child's father. I know her intentions are good - they always are. But at the end of the day - she won't be able to afford paying back a loan. I don't want to take the risk with that much money. . I am in good shape - financially anyway. The money I loaned Mom actually came from money I received after my husband passed away. Losing the money wouldn't bankrupt me - but it is an amount that would definitely be missed. . Sara would not be homeless - at least in the short run. Worst case - both John and I have committed to giving Sara whatever money we would end up receiving if the house does get sold. And that money we could easily "get creative" with. If handing the money directly to Sara would effect her getting government benefits, we could simply use it to pay bills on her behalf. . >I gather that you have three siblings besides Sara. If they feel that you should be willing to make sacrifices to help Sara, then why don't they split the burden with you? If each of your three other siblings repaid you $9,250, and you forgave the remaining $9,250 of the debt, then you would all have contributed equally to Sara's support. >If they aren't willing to do that, then they are not morally justified in criticizing you for being unwilling to let the $37k go. . OP: I actually brought up that idea and was told no. I'm financially stable with a secure job. I have savings outside of this money for emergencies. Losing this money would not bankrupt me, but it would set me back on some financial goals - namely buying my own home. . >The sister was already struggling with the mom paying bills. Now she doesn’t even have that help. Will the sisters be able to pay the bills to the house solo? In the long run the sister may need to sell the house OP: I've thought about that as well. I know that without Mom's income in the house - Sara is signing up for some additional benefits. But I have a hard time believing it will make up for the bills that Mom always paid. When I asked Sara she gave vague answers - which is standard for her when she doesn't really have a plan. My guess is that even if Sara gets the house - she won't have it for long. But I could be wrong. Mom knew a lot more about Sara's finances than I do and she thought Sara could keep the house. So maybe there is something I don't know. . OP: At an absolutely minimum Sara would be receiving around $30K - so it's not like she would be out on the street tomorrow. >But she couldn’t get a house with that right? A safe place for her and disabled child for life is irreplaceable to her, especially with her shit credit and financial situation making it impossible to turn that 30k into something at all comparable. That money won’t last her but a few months and then what?? OP: No - you can't buy a house of $30K. I agree with you there. However I find it ridiculous that I am being asked to spend $37K on Sara's housing and my siblings are being asked to do nothing. And why? Because I agreed to loan my mother $55K interest free to help her save money. . My sister was horrible with money long before she had Jeremy. She's had multiple cars repossessed. Not paying bills at an apartment. Getting into credit card debt. Mom and Dad (before he passed) would help her out. I helped, as did John. This went on for years. Then she got pregnant with Jeremy and had to deal with all his health problems. I have to give her a lot of credit. She grew up. She worked with social workers trying to get signed up for whatever help she could get. And she was there for Jeremy. She would still "borrow" money from me - but at this point I knew I wasn't getting it back. I was okay with it. My guess is that I'm not the only one. The last time Sara tried to get a loan - for a used van - she was turned down. Mom ended up having to co-sign and from what she told me - ended up paying most of the loan. . I'm financially stable so that means I should hand over my husband's life insurance money to my sister? No. You are correct the fact my sister has a disabled child is not her fault. It is also not my fault. I have been helping my sister since before Jeremy was born and I will do so in the future - but in amounts that I can reasonably afford. 37K is not a reasonable amount. . it would take me years to save that amount back up again. That money was going to be used as a down payment on my own home. I don't know why people think I don't need the money just because I have stated that not having it won't bankrupt me. . Yes - I have paperwork. Mom actually insisted. &nbsp; *There were a LOT of comments. Tons of people condemning OP for not forgiving the loan, accusing her of putting her sister & nephew out on the street, etc. Lots of comments suggesting a new contract with the sister. OP's replies that the sister had no job and no way to pay back on a new contract were downvoted.* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reveddit.com/v/AmItheAsshole/comments/15cir2e/aita_for_refusing_to_forgive_a_debt_that_will/)** Aug 2, '23 - 5 days later &nbsp; **UPDATE:** I officially submitted the paperwork to John to get payment for the debt. However I decided that would forgive 1/4th of the debt. So instead of claiming $37K, I am claiming $27,750.00. I told my siblings that I would forgive a fourth - and if keeping the house for Sara is important to them then they each need to come up with the same. So far they are saying they will not contribute. John and I spoke with the lawyer and we were wrong about how any cash from the sale of the house would be dispersed. First - any liquid assets have to be used to cover debts. Then if assets need to be liquidated, then whoever was supposed to get that asset gets whatever proceeds are left after paying debts. So no matter what my siblings do - Sara will get the rest of the money if the house is sold. The lawyer also pointed out the same thing many people here did - that giving Sara the money could affect her benefits. Instead he suggested she turn down the inheritance in favor of placing the money into a special needs trust for her son. Sara will be talking to the lawyer on her options and exactly what that means. Sara is attempting to get a loan using the house as collateral. Not all the paperwork is in order yet (exactly how much will be left in the estate after all debts are paid) - and we are probably looking at needing to get a professional appraisal of the home first. One person at the bank talked to her and said that with her credit score and income she doubts she would be approved - but that she would process the application once Sara got all the data. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for refusing to forgive a debt that will cost my sister a house?

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15pptt5/aita_for_refusing_to_forgive_a_debt_that_will/

15px39x

[ORIGINAL: WIBTA if I said my co-worker’s brother’s death “wasn’t a tragedy” due to how preventable it was?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxvg8m/wibta_if_i_said_my_coworkers_brothers_death_wasnt/) by u/mebeingathrowaway on AmITheAsshole (August 2022) Last week has been quite a disaster for my co-worker (30F). You can call her Aly, Ali, Allie, etc. But anyway I remember her being confident and content the day we went into work. Her brother Rhett (26M) would end up falling off a roof of his house hours later. From what I’ve heard, he was conscious at the time of the hit and believed he was okay and that he felt fine so he didn’t call emergency services. Turns out he was really messed up internally and died. When I found out Ally’s brother died, I was in shock and saddened by her loss. I couldn’t imagine losing a sibling. However when I heard more information, I couldn’t help but think he was reckless. What was he doing on the roof? Why didn’t he just call for emergency services just in case? If that was me, I would have definitely have done that, especially knowing something like this could put my family through grief and sorrow if it ended fatally. It was unfortunate that they had to lose him, but when I think of tragedy, he’s just not what I think of. Careless and reckless deaths don’t belong in the same context of “tragedy” as other types of deaths. Now, I would never ever say this to Aly but I’ve considered venting this to other friends or co-workers but I just don’t know if they would see my point or not. Many of the co-workers especially seem like the type who would disagree with my stance but it only makes me feel it stronger in a sense. A reason why this would come off as asshole-type behavior is that Rhett was a minimum wage worker from lower-class income and he may have just decided to let it go because he was afraid of being in steep medical debt if he went to the hospital. I do see the point of how class would have an effect on his death but I don’t know if that was really his reasoning. I don’t know him well and I’m not a minimum wage worker. Would just simply venting to someone I knew who knew Aly or Rhett (other than Aly) be out of line or is it okay? *OOP is unanimously deemed The Asshole with most commenters telling her not say anything to anybody about her personal opinions at all.* *OOP keeps insisting that her take is the correct one and that Aly should get over her brother's death soon because the ["misconceptions are hurting her".](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxvg8m/comment/ia0rnsf/)* *OOP also thinks that she is the only rational one and ["feelings can be trumped by facts".](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxvg8m/comment/ia3e9ft/)* *Commenter asks why OOP needs to vent at all since Rhett's death has nothing to do with her. OOP responds by saying she has been very selfless and she needs [a place to tell people how Aly's grief is messing things up and that Aly is slacking at work.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxvg8m/comment/ia0snfv/)* OOP continues to insist that she has the right to say what she wants because of [right to free speech](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxvg8m/comment/ia0qns4/). [My supervisor is ruining any chance of me and my new co-workers bonding.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/va91k9/my_supervisor_is_ruining_any_chance_of_me_and_my/) on Advice (August 2022) Now I know I (28F) mentioned my new supervisor (50sF) isn’t very nice but I feel like I’m in a tough spot because I have two new co-workers and they seem nice but somewhat intimidating but in a personal sense. The older one (50sM) is a middle-aged man named Ian and the same age group as my supervisor so I think she likes him better. The younger one (mid-20sM) is really fast at working and seems to adjust quickly. His name is László (I know, dumb name) and he looks younger than me but I feel she likes him better because he can handle pressure. Now she doesn’t completely like them better and she still complains at everyone but she complains at us more because we aren’t new. I really wanted to get along with my new co-workers but I feel my supervisor is ruining that with her rudeness. She is so petty and complains that I need to fix my workplace and try harder (I do so much without credit) but I’m always trying and she just so happens to come in at the most awkward times to make it intimidating. I don’t have anything against my new co-workers and I think they will soon notice how terrible my supervisor is but ugh, people at my work tend not to agree with me. [Oh my god…I’m going to get fired. I know it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vl8k9a/oh_my_godim_going_to_get_fired_i_know_it/) on TrueOffMyChest (September 2022) I’ve (28F) been working this job for 4 years. It’s a great atmosphere and a wonderful pay. However my middle-aged supervisor has been nothing but intimidating to me and I don’t know how I’ll get past her. In addition, some of my co-workers now give me glares and one of them accused me of narcissism behind my back. My supervisor called me in to discuss my behavior and asked if I said the things I said and I denied it because I’m not a terrible person. I did say some things behind co-workers’ backs but nothing that was super harmful and some of the others have done the same so why am I being singled out? This needs to blow over soon or I’m screwed. *Commenters predict OOP will get fired, while OOP denies she did anything wrong and that she won't [get fired.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vl8k9a/comment/ietlkdl/)* [Thanksgiving Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z3vr28/its_thanksgiving_feels_so_late_in_the_year_and_i/) on TrueOffMyChest (November 2022) [*Note from poster: Took out the miscellaneous people and only kept it to her coworkers*] Throwaway because while this is a vent, I don’t want the people I’m addressing this to seeing it before I get the chance to apologise personally. Last names won’t be revealed for personal reasons. I’m supposed to be thankful today and I am. Thankful for everything I have and for every moment that keeps me alive. But I’ve felt like people weren’t truly thankful for me and I know there’s people here who rightfully won’t be thankful of me. - Laszlo, I was horribly judgmental to you before I even got to know you. It hurts knowing how wrong I was, I even made fun of your name. I think I was truly jealous of your success and knowledge despite you being younger than me, although both of us are in our 20s. I was super petty to you and treated you with so much disrespect that it was appalling. - Aly, you have always been such a sweet individual. I took your words and judged them for not being within my views, and it was rude. We may see very differently politically but it’s not like your views would ever destroy me or my family. - Connor, I knew you had more potential. I didn’t tell you and I know it’s distanced us because you never thought I took your line of career kindly. We don’t all have to like the same things. - Rhett, rest in peace. Your sister loved you a lot and I had no right coming off as elitist even after you died. Low class doesn’t mean you weren’t a good person on the inside. [UPDATE: WIBTA if I said my co-worker’s brother’s death “wasn’t a tragedy” due to how preventable it was?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13rzqfw/update_wibta_if_i_said_my_coworkers_brothers/) on AITAH (May 26, 2023) This was last year and I know I (29F) originally posted on the other AmItheAsshole, but I’ve always found this community nicer and more understanding. Plus I’ve been told about this from other subs besides these type. I do regret some of my behavior received from when other redditors criticised me. I talked way out of line and while I did get some harsh responses from the woke community calling me elitist, plus some internet snobs trying to diagnose me, but I still believe that on *my end*, I still messed up as an asshole. Aly (31F) did find out sometime about why I believed my beliefs. For reference, her younger brother Rhett (†26M) passed away from head injuries sustained falling off his house roof. He survived the initial fall, thinking he was fine, but died in his home hours later. I said to other co-workers that he shouldn’t have been on his roof because that was reckless. I stated his death can’t be tragic because he should have called emergency services and that him working minimum wage wasn’t an excuse. I know my behavior is wrong now, I feel guilty since Aly found out because she is a sweet woman and I didn’t want to be her enemy. She never brought up her family again in front of me which made me feel even worse because she was acting like she “wasn’t allowed” to talk about them in front of me when I never would say that to her. I know she really misses him regardless of how anyone perceives her beliefs and I never want to get in the way of that. There was a time where I genuinely thought I would lose my job after the way some people took my controversial words of his non-tragic death. I do not have any biases and I love everyone. My faith is an important influence on my daily life and I believe it has brought me here to be a better person. I do not know Rhett well and have not met him enough times to have any true opinion on him anyway. I know he and Aly were sweet siblings based on what others said at the time. In November, I profusely apologized to several people, including her and her family, with mixed results. As of now? Aly has been a lot more annoyed with me and before she used to be nice and not let the small stuff bother her. It’s like she was mad at me before but she didn’t focus on that as much and tried to be nice anyway. A lot of the reason why she’s gotten less tolerant of me is her new bond with a fellow co-worker Olivia (31F), who has never liked me and always tells everyone how I am so “rude and hard to work with”. I don’t care about Olivia but she’s really affected my life within the year. There are even some people who dislike me who didn’t yet work for the company during the time Aly’s brother died, so this is unrelated. Aly thankfully has been happier and everyone (including me) really enjoys her. I still have a wonderful life - I married in January and I am currently 10 weeks pregnant, but I feel like her life has gone up while mine goes down. I know it will all be better and I’ve had a much happier year than last year, but the loneliness of having few who relate to me is a terrible feeling. But it’s a part of life and I will move forward no matter how long it takes. *Most all commenters still don't believe OOP has learned anything at all.* *OOP believes she has learned her lesson and has had [major consequences, earned and unearned, throughout the last year.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13rzqfw/comment/jlnf0gb/) She continues to play the victim and says she is trying to improve as a person.]*

WIBTA if I said my co-worker’s brother’s death “wasn’t a tragedy” due to how preventable it was?

CONCLUDED

red_earaches

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15px39x/wibta_if_i_said_my_coworkers_brothers_death_wasnt/

15py9ra

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/throwawaycoffee_ **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!alcoholism, sexual humilation, cancer!< mood spoilers: >!positive for all concerned!< *Edits - Changed from using letters to actual names C - Carly E - Eva. Added additional paragraphs.*  *Thanks to* u/Direct-Caterpillar77 *for suggesting this BORU.* &#x200B; [**WIBTA if I broke up with my gf for humiliating me?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15bump1/wibta_if_i_broke_up_with_my_gf_for_humiliating_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **- 28th July 2023** Hi all, throwaway because both she and I lurk Reddit. I (23m) have been with Carly (23f) for 4 years. We got together during our freshmen year of college. We became very close and we both held similar beliefs and wanted similar things out of life. We moved in with each other and grew really close, almost inseparable, during the pandemic. I wanted to marry this woman, until last night. Carly has been under more stress from work and family during the last few months, her dad has cancer and it hasn’t been easy on her. She’s been drinking more and more, and while I don’t mind her drinking, it’s how she gets when she’s drunk is where I begin to have issues. She has a tendency to get pretty mean and say some awful things, talking about my appearance or how small my “member” is, she makes me feel like I’m not enough for her sexually or emotionally. She is almost always apologetic the next morning, and will spend the next few days after that trying to fix things but will turn around and do it again when she drinks. It really came to a head last night when I took her and her friend out to a local bar that’s popular. I volunteered to be their DD for the night, she’s driven drunk before and I didn’t want her to make that choice again. I told her that I didn’t want her to drink too much tonight, and she agreed that she wouldn’t. The bar was packed when we got there, so we all went and sat at the bar and ordered some food and drinks. They were enjoying themselves and I watched the game while they drank and enjoyed themselves. I got up and went to the bathroom and when I came back, I noticed my girlfriend was getting loud and her friend screamed “cock sleeve” while laughing. She then said, as I walked up and was in earshot, that her ex was the biggest she had and she missed it. I pretended not to hear it, because I knew she was getting drunk. I touched her back and sat down at the bar again, before the guy sitting at the table grabs both our attention and asks us if I was the cock sleeve guy, and I immediately felt like I was gonna be sick. These guys are laughing at me and I asked Carly if she was serious, she kept laughing. So I just grabbed my keys and walked out, I left both her and her friend there at the bar and I drove home. I immediately packed up my essential stuff and I went to stay with a close friend for a few days. I didn’t get any texts from Carly until about an hour after I left them there, asking where I was. I then got a bunch of missed calls and texts that weren’t anything but angry. I answered one call and she was still slurring her words and I heard she was in the bar still, so I hung up and turned off my ringer. I woke up to a stream of apology texts and more missed phone calls, she apologized and said she fucked up and was wondering when I was coming home, that I satisfy her and that I’m more than enough for her, that she’ll make this right if I come home. I’m just done, I feel humiliated and embarrassed. Her and I had what I thought was a good sexual relationship, we did foreplay and used toys, but I’ve never once not gone out of my way to pleasure her or get her off, I’m not the biggest guy down there so, yeah, I use a sleeve to help her get off too. I just didn’t think she would use that against me like that. I don’t want to go back home, I love her but I feel really humiliated and like she doesn’t respect me as a man or partner. WIBTA if I broke up with her over this? She’s been a perfect partner, otherwise. I just feel like she didn’t respect me at all, and after what she said about her ex, I can’t help but suspect things. **Edit 1**: I’m going to text Carly back and tell her that I’ll be there tomorrow to talk and get the rest of my things. My supportive friend said I don’t have to worry about a place to stay for right now, she’s always been one of my closest friends, so it feels good to have some support right now. Thank you everyone for your advice, I plan on ending things with Carly. My friend and her brother are going to go as well to make sure things don’t go crazy, I don’t know what Carly might do at this point.   **Judgement - NTA** **Top Comment** *You can end a relationship for any reason at any time. Your partner drinking more and more and discussing private matters in public is certainly a valid reason. NTA* **Comments OOP Replies To** *Lemme get this straight. Her father has cancer, she’s stressed out, and you’re worried about a few mean things she said to you? My ex-wife was ten times meaner to me when her mother was dying and I didn’t leave. Get over your own ego and support her.* >I have been supporting her, when her dad was first diagnosed back in April, I told her she can take time off work to spend more time with him, but she’s spending more of it out with her friends than anything. Maybe you’re right, my ego is bruised, but every time she’s cried about her dad’s condition and how it was bringing up memories how her grandpa died, I held her and held her for hours. I’ve asked her if she wanted to look into counseling or therapy before also, and I’ve offered to go with her too. I really don’t know how else I can help her without feeling horrible about myself, is that normal? *The embarrassment is bad enough, but her getting mean when she gets drunk is enough for you to leave her. Get out now. Yes, I know it hurts, but this is nothing compared to the hurt you will feel if you stick around a few more years. Spend some time alone taking care of yourself and be happy* >My friend who is letting me crash for a few days has told me the same thing. I think you’re right. You’re giving me a lot to think about. Thank you. *Oof that’s a bad one man. Me personally I would have said something about her dying father and shut her up real quick. Then pack my shit and leave her. I am a petty person tho* >As much as I wanted to say something like that in the moment and even after when she was blowing up my phone, I don’t want to hurt her or for her to get hurt. I already feel really bad about leaving her at the bar, she could’ve gotten hurt or worse. Honestly, my heart says stay but my brain says to end things and move on. *Honestly, I can see this work if you have a blunt discussion about her alcohol use and she quits drinking and sobers up. It sounds like she’s great when she’s not drinking. If she’s willing to put the effort in and she chooses you over alcohol, there’s a chance. BUT — if she’s ever been rude, dismissive, abusive towards you when sober, like after a long day at work, alcohol won’t solve this. Your head and heart won’t believe it now, but as you get older you find that there indeed are other women out there who could be even more “perfect” for you.* >I think you’re right, my friend is saying similar things. Before she found out her father had cancer, she was never like this and honestly, we rarely fought. Before her drunk driving incident, we only ever fought where we yelled at each other once in nearly four years, and it was early on in our relationship when she was driving my car and she hit a median, popping a tire. She changed after the news about her dad, she became more apathetic when she was sober. Things she used to get excited for, like the renaissance fair, she just didn’t care about anymore. She always attentive, empathetic, and kind for years, it’s why I fell in love for her, we both cared about social justice issues, it’s how we met. Thank you, you’ve given me a lot to think about. &#x200B; [Update: WIBTA if I broke up with my gf for humiliating me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15exlvi/update_wibta_if_i_broke_up_with_my_gf_for/) \- 31st July 2023 I posted about my now ex-gf humiliating me at a packed bar, revealing to drunk strangers that I use a cock sleeve for her. I gotta say that I wasn’t expecting the amount of support and advice all of you gave, it really helped me look at everything from an outside perspective and I realized how awful the relationship Carly and I had. Thank you everyone for your kind words, it really helped me find the strength to end things. Some of you were concerned that my friend, Eva, might be trying to take advantage of my situation and me. I can assure you that she’s definitely not that way, I’ve know Eva since we were kids. But I understand where the concern was coming from, I didn’t reveal this in the OG post, but Eva is also my ex, from when we were in HS. We dated for a year, but we broke up to remain friends, and she later came out to me that year. She’s dated only women ever since then. Anyway, here’s the update: I drove back to our apartment to get my stuff and my cat the next morning, Eva came with me. I told Eva to wait in the car and I would text her when I needed help with things. I walked in the apartment and Carly was sitting on the couch crying, she saw me and ran over to hug me. She immediately started apologizing, she said she was sorry and that she knew she messed up, that her friend told her what she said. I asked her if she cheated on me, she immediately said no and offered up access to everything of hers, I told her that’s not what I wanted. She told me that she didn’t mean what she said, that I’m more than enough for her and she only knows she said the thing about her ex because her friend told her. She said that definitely wasn’t true, that she didn’t miss him at all and I’m the man she wants to marry. I told her that how she humiliated me was something I just can’t get over, that her addiction and how she treats me when she’s intoxicated has decimated any romantic feelings I’ve had. She said she understood, and that she was sorry for everything. The pain in her voice, I knew she was remorseful. I told her that I needed to go NC for a while, that even though I still love her because we spent years together, with many positive memories, but that she needs help and I can’t continue on like this. She was crying the entire time, I gave her a hug and I told her that I hope we can reconnect one day, but that she needs to work on herself and clean herself up for herself, and only her, not for anyone else. I texted Eva and I told Carly that Eva was letting me crash and that she’s been supportive. Carly was surprisingly really calm and mature about this, but I can tell she was devastated, I felt really bad about it all. I told Carly that I’ll pay the last two months rent on our lease, then it’s on her to find a new place or to renew the lease herself. I know it’s more than some of you think she deserves, but I still care about her, we spent years together and just a week ago I wanted to spend my life with her. Eva thought it was a good idea, in her words “so she knows even more what she lost in me”. I don’t mind, I already budgeted for it anyway. We got back to Eva’s and I honestly felt free. I went to block Carly’s number and I saw she sent me some texts, not trying to fight for me back, but just saying how I helped her and saying that she was sorry for everything. She said that she’s going to take my advice and that she wishes the best for me. I did screenshot the text, but I deleted the message itself. Eva said that we should celebrate, and she made us some bloody Mary’s and her brother, who is one of my buddy’s, brought some beer over. We turned on some music. Eva and spent time drinking and talking about memories we had. He left and took an Uber home. Eva and I began to talk about more personal things, she was way drunker than me and she kissed me, I was into it for a few seconds before my brain took over for my other head and I pushed her away. I told her she’s too drunk and she doesn’t know what she’s doing. I helped her get to bed and I crashed on the couch. I honestly felt bad, I didn’t want her to feel like I rejected her, but also, I thought she wasn’t into men? My drunk mind was processing so much stuff I barely slept. I woke up to my cat jumping on me and Eva was making bacon in the kitchen. Before I even opened my mouth, she said that she was sorry about last night, that she knew better and that she didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable. I told her she didn’t and that I only stopped it because she was drunk. I also asked why she kissed me if she was gay and wasn’t into men, she started laughing and she said she’s not gay, she said she’s pan? I had to google it, honestly. We kissed again in the kitchen and we went out to dinner that night, I paid for it to thank her and things actually got spicy when we got back that night. It was honestly the best I’ve felt in bed in a long time, it was a little awkward at first since she hasn’t been with a guy in years, but it was amazing. I think she was just stroking my ego, but she said it was the best she’s had in years with anyone. My confidence is through the roof right now. We’re sitting here drinking beer, I’m typing this before giving her a back rub and she’s playing genshin impact. I’m definitely an idiot, but we also definitely have a thing now. We agreed to just keep it quiet for a few months and she agreed. Thank you again everyone for your advice and your help. I definitely made the right call. I’ll keep updating you all if anything interesting happens with Carly, but everything is smooth sailing right now with Eva and I. You all helped me more than you know.  **Comments** *Nice thing about being with a bi girl... They'll know better than most that there's a lot more to intimacy than the size of a body part.* *Congrats! Sounds like a hard choice, props for having firm boundaries and holding them without letting any maliciousness cloud your judgement. You deserve to feel proud, you handled that like a boss and maybe even left your ex on a better life path as part of the bargain. Well done, enjoy the new life chapter! You've earned it.* &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as it looks like the relationship with Carly is over.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP wonders if he WIBTA if I broke up with my gf for humiliating me?

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15py9ra/oop_wonders_if_he_wibta_if_i_broke_up_with_my_gf/

15pzc09

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/cheaterssuck12 **in** r/trueoffmychest Original [BORU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfkvn7/oop_i_saw_my_husband_and_my_sister_naked_in_my/) submitted by u/prettiergenghis. *Added in comments from the original posts for additional context* *New update is from 5th August 2023* trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!positive overall!<   [**I saw my husband and my sister naked in my kitchen**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y7zfxk/i_saw_my_husband_and_my_sister_naked_in_my_kitchen/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **- 19th October 2022** I saw my husband and my sister naked in my kitchen. I can’t move. If I move it becomes real and I have to accept what I saw and think of what's next. I came home from work early and saw my sister's car thinking maybe she was dropping off some food from her job. But no, I walk in and see my husband and sister naked in my kitchen. The kitchen I paid for. As soon as I registered what I saw I got into my car and left. I kept driving, just driving, driving, driving until I found the hotel I’m at now. I don’t want to believe it. I don’t know what to do. My sister, my only family, and my best friend, the one who's supposed to be there for me and support me. My husband, my person, my other half, the one who's supposed to love and respect me. The two most important people in my life have ruined everything. I’ve blocked them both on my phone. I don’t want to hear any of the bullshit excuses they’ll come up. I don’t want to confront this. I want to go back to this morning when everything was fine. **Comments** *The “my only family” part is what hit me hard. I’m so sorry OP* >Yeah, we cut contact with our abusive parents 7 years ago. Thought we were supposed to have each other’s backs, always [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y9qday/update_i_saw_my_husband_and_my_sister_naked_in_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **- 21st October 2022** Sorry for not replying to comments and not updating, things have been hectic. I didn't think I needed to explicitly say this but by naked I meant they were butt naked and fucking in the kitchen. I admit mentioning that I paid for the kitchen was odd and kinda funny. But anyone that knows me knows that the kitchen is my pride and joy, so yes, when I saw my sister and husband fucking in MY kitchen it stuck with me. And yes, they did see me. When I got to the hotel I cried for a few hours and then I just wanted to tell someone, anyone. The two people I would talk to when something happened in my life were the two I needed to talk about and it was 11 something in the evening so I wasn't going to disrupt my friend's evenings and burden them. So instead I came to Reddit thinking not many would see it. The response I received was overwhelming. I want to say thank you to everyone that sent me kind words and advice. Thank you so much for all the virtual hugs. I know I only commented once, it's because I had so much to think about and do. I appreciate all the love and support. There was so much amazing advice given in the comments, although a lot of it was American based I still appreciate it. But one thing I did see a lot was to unblock them and keep the texts and calls as evidence so I did do that. After posting and another good cry I knew that I had to get my shit together, I didn't have my sister or any family to help so I had to do it myself. I started researching what my next steps were. In the morning, my friend called me saying my sister contacted her wondering if I had been in contact with her. I told her what happened and she very kindly offered her spare room and her day off work to help me sort stuff out. I called in sick at my job and my friend helped get things done. I got in contact with my friend who works at a bank and she helped me start sorting my financials. My friend also found me a lawyer to consult with. After my phone consultation with the lawyer, I was so overwhelmed. I now know why so many women don't divorce their cheating husbands. It’s such a lengthy, expensive, and emotionally draining process. I, fortunately, make a stable income and can support myself and we, fortunately, don't have kids. I have to remember that things aren't going to happen in one day. It will all take time. As for the house, unfortunately, his parents did buy it for us and to be honest after what I saw I don't want it. I will try to get reimbursed for my beloved kitchen, otherwise, it can burn for all I care. This has been super draining but I knew I had to talk to them. I already knew there was no coming back for my husband and when I checked his messages they were exactly what I thought they would say. I’m sorry. It's not what it looks like. We didn't mean for it to happen. Please come home. I love you. blah blah blah. Just absolute bullshit. A small part of me thought maybe I could find it in me to forgive my sister as we only have each other. But after I opened her messages all hope was lost. She used the same excuses we heard our father use when he cheated on our mother and beat us. She said the same things our mother would say when she would excuse our dad's behaviour and also beat us. I spoke to her this morning and asked her to tell me straight up who, what, where, when, and why. She told me back in July when I went on a girl's trip she was at our house and joked to my husband that I would cheat on him on the girl's trip because thats what ‘always happens.’ He said nah, and they joked about it but she said he could get even with me and they ended up doing it once. One time lead to two to three then to whenever they could do it. There was never any evidence or signs or anything that I was going to or even thinking of cheating. I told her we were done and there is nothing she could do to bring us back together. I later received a call from an unknown number. It was my mother who I haven't spoken to in 7 years. Turns out my sister has been in contact with her and told her what had happened and my POS mother, the same woman who beat me for breathing wrong, had the audacity to say this is what I get for taking her daughters away from her. It hurts so much. I know things are going to get messier and this is going to be a long few years. I've now lost all my blood relations. I need to get all my shit and find a new place. I want to show them that I CAN and I WILL thrive without them. Again thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the love and advice. All the people in the comments that could relate to me, I'm so sorry ❤️ **Comments** *I’m very proud of you for taking charge and standing up for yourself. I know it’s very hard but you got this. You will get through this!!* >Thank you for your kind words. It’s pretty hard losing the only family I had but I’m trying so hard to stay optimistic. Betrayal like this is fucking devastating. It will be long and hard and draining, but I will make it.  *Hold your head high and cut all of them out of your life. Do his parents actually own the house or did they just give money? Cut off mother and sister for good. Your sister had a piece of work.* >They gave my (ex) husband the money for the house. So it’s under his name. And yes, my ‘sister’ can join my ‘mother’ and do whatever. They’re no longer related to me. *Out of curiosity, have you asked his parents if they knew what was going on? This will give them the opportunity to hear what actually happened rather than the lies he'll tell to cover his bad behavior.* >As soon as I started receiving messages from his mother I knew he had been feeding them a false narrative. She’s been calling me names for “bringing my cheating backside and my slutty sister into his life.” She never liked me because of my background and thought I should forgive my ‘mother.’ Unfortunately, all I’ll hear from them is the bullshit he’s told them **New Update** [**An update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/cheaterssuck12/comments/15j6d16/an_update/)**- 5th August 2023** I actually forgot about this account until recently and when I logged back in I saw so many people still commenting, messaging me and checking up on me. To those people thank you for your kindness. Since so many still ask for an update and I’ve already shared such a big part of my life I may as well give a small update. Back in October, my life was in chaos but I was determined to soldier through it and show them that I can make it without them and succeed. I had to meet with my ex to talk about the house and he kinda gave up and we decided to sell the house. I was reimbursed for my beloved kitchen. At first, my sister would show up at my job and my friend's house but once I told her that I would get the police involved she stopped. I haven’t seen her since February. I did hear from my pathetic excuse of a mother again but that was also shut down and I have not heard from her since the end of last year. I’m from NZ so my ex and I have to be living separately for two years before we can divorce. Although I want nothing to do with him I’m not too fussed. One year is almost done. I started therapy which has been healing, I wish I had gone earlier. I have moved into my apartment and I was promoted at work. I have also gone on two girl trips and had some extra fun these times as I was a single woman! And I’ve also just started seeing someone. He has been very kind. Thank you all again for your kindness 🤎 Hope this is the update you were waiting for **Comments** *I'm glad you updated. You're happier. Never introduced the man to the family. Wouldn't put it past your sister to repeat her behavior. Cutting the toxic people in your life brings so much mental freedom. Living a happy single life after divorce is a kindness to yourself. Best update so far.*   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP - I saw my husband and my sister naked in my kitchen- New Update

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15pzc09/oop_i_saw_my_husband_and_my_sister_naked_in_my/

15q03wc

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/DaySee **in** r/tifu. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* content warnings: >!sexual content, medical condition (diabetes), bodily fluids (urine), explicit imagery!< mood spoilers: >!surprise revelation, humorous twist.!< --- &nbsp; ###[**TIFU by encouraging female ejaculation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3h3nxv/tifu_by_encouraging_female_ejaculation_nsfw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, Aug 15, 2015* So I've been fooling around with this girl for a while now and naturally we've cycled through all your standard vanilla kinks and things were starting to wind down a bit. This wasn't a big deal though as neither of us is interested in anything more than casual sex so there's no pressure to keep things fresh and exciting. That being said, a little bit ago she randomly messaged me saying she has something naughty to share and sends me cellphone footage of her with a vibrator doing some impressive pornography-grade squirting. She goes on to talk about how excited she is for teaching herself how, and we proceed to make plans to explore this further. Next thing I know she's cumming in my face like a chinese firefighter trying to extinguish a burning chemical factory while I'm right there dumping fuel on the flames. Now, before I get carried away here, I'll just say, I'm a [M] nurse by trade, and I have no delusions about what's really going on. I can tell exactly where her 'juices' are coming from, and I've made peace with the fact that the girl is pissing in my face while I go down on her, no big deal. So finally, to the point. She's been squirting in my face for a few weeks now and I've gotten enough in my mouth to know how it tastes. The most surprising thing about the experience is the fact that her piss didn't taste at all like I'd thought it would. Ranging from unflavored Gatorade to that bland tea they serve you at oriental restaurants (that you dump sugar packets into). I thought it was a fluke at first, but after repeatedly testing this observation, I'm quite certain that her piss tastes sweet, sometimes blatantly so. The perverted side of me thought all this was kinky as hell, so I really didn't think on it too much until this morning. I just woke up and had a weird nurse's epiphany about it. Sweet urine. Glucose urine. Glycosuria. Jesus Christ. I'm a fucking dumbass. I race over to my bag where I keep my backup glucometer for work, wake her bleary-eyed ass up, and pricked her finger to check her blood sugar. 441. Fuck! Recheck. 453. Shit!! Asymptomatic, but hyperglycemic as fuck. She's got the Beetus. **Diabetes**. I broke the news as gently as I could, which was something to the tune of "Holy shit fuck! That's some serious fucking diabetes! Call your doctor!" Hysterics ensued. So now she's out to the doctors office and possibly the urgent care clinic for treatment, and I'm sitting here trying figure out a good cover story for how I knew.. **TL;DR:** TIFU by breaking some bad news to a girl after she "squirted" in my face and I diagnosed her with diabetes after realizing her piss was unnaturally sweet. &nbsp; ###**UPDATE** *Added to original post* Insert the obligatory "omg this went supernova!!1" .. On a serious note though, thanks for the reddit gold~~en shower~~. This has been a long day and I haven't felt this cool on the Internet since that time I used a voice modulator in an MMORPG to convince my guild I was a black guy. To bring things current, the girl is doing fine now, they've ran more thorough tests and strongly suspect she's a type 1 diabetic, but it'll take a few days and tests to confirm the preliminary results. She's got a lot on her mind, all I can think about though is how we went from casual fuck buddies to irreversibly connected by the act of getting her piss in my mouth. Still, the response has been hilariously fantastic. While there's a lot of contention on whether this is a fuck up, I'll just say that a couple factors had stuck out to me personally that framed it like that, such as the fact that it took weeks for me to piece this all together, my majorly panicked reaction to it, and the resulting state of hysteria I had caused after scaring the girl half to death. That all kind of overshadowed the lucky guess I made, in my mind anyway. No longer though! Right now I feel like the fucking man, thanks for helping me see the cloud's golden lining! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

TIFU by encouraging female ejaculation

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15q03wc/tifu_by_encouraging_female_ejaculation/

15q0604

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/Marciella1900 **in** r/AITAH. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!family issues, child abuse, sexual abuse of a minor, drug addiction, foster care!< mood spoilers: >!dilemma, tension, sadness, uncertainty, breakup!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITAH for not letting my boyfriends younger siblings move in with us**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/151b968/aitah_for_not_letting_my_boyfriends_younger/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, July 16, 2023* My boyfriend Eric (26m) and I (25f) recently moved in together. And by moved in together I mean he moved into the home that I own outright. I inherited it from my grandmother. We live in a high COL area and Erics lease was up, and he was struggling to find a place he could afford. He asked to move in with me and I hesitantly agreed. We’ve been dating for just under a year. I feel like it was a little too soon but since I can see a future with Eric I agreed. Eric’s family situation is a bit of a mess. His dad is in prison, and his mother is an addict. Eric has three younger half siblings, 12m, 8f, 6m. This week they were removed from the home because his moms boyfriend was SAing the girl. The kids are sleeping on his aunts floor right now because there’s a shortage of foster homes in the area. She can’t keep them because she lives in a two bedroom apartment with her two kids, so from how it was described the kids are going to be split up and sent to different foster homes/group homes. Eric’s mother denies her boyfriends actions and won’t leave him because he pays the rent and buys her drugs basically. Eric wants me to agree to let the kids move in with us and we raise them basically. I’ve known him for less than year, and I’ve never met these kids. I feel bad for their situation, but I don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s kids. Even having them in my home would be a huge burden, not to mention Eric doesn’t make much money and can’t afford to support them. I would have to support them. The government will only offer financial support for caring for them if he becomes a licensed foster parent, which is a lengthy process that he doesn’t have time for. We’ve been fighting about this for the past two days, and I think our relationship is over either way. He thinks I’m a monster for letting his siblings go into foster care, but I think that what he’s asking of me is way too much for someone you’ve been with less than a year. I absolutely do not want these kids in my home, I’m not willing to compromise on it. I know it wouldn’t work out and I don’t want to have to evict him and his three siblings. AITAH for not being willing to take in my boyfriends siblings? ***Judgement: Not the A-Hole*** &nbsp; ###**UPDATE** *Update was added to original post* OK guys. Things didn’t go as planned. The general consensus was that I’m not in the wrong. And I do agree. I showed him this post and he flipped out on me. He packed his bags and is staying in a hotel room. We’ve broken up basically. I feel terribly for his situation, and that of his siblings. I think people in the comments have pegged him for some kind of broke mooch. But he’s actually incredibly hard working and kind. I don’t envy his position. He lashed out because he’s stressed and upset. He gave me back my key, and he won’t be coming back. And that’s the end of it I guess. I’m sure a lot of you will be happy to hear that. I’m sad, but it’s probably what’s best for us. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITAH for not letting my boyfriends younger siblings move in with us

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15q0604/aitah_for_not_letting_my_boyfriends_younger/

15q0807

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/Ok-Swimmer2755 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!miscarriage, abusive partner, possible birth control tampering, substance abuse, hospitalization!< mood spoilers: >!sadness, guilt, anger, confusion, anxiety!< --- &nbsp; ###[**I killed my baby and my boyfriends family hates me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysg1om/twi_killed_my_baby_and_my_boyfriends_family_hates/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, Nov 11, 2022* I(19F) found out I was pregnant a month ago. I’ve been on birth control since I was 15. Same pill. I'm enrolled in school, have a job, and an apartment in a city close to home. I have a cat too. Every thing was perfect. 6 weeks ago I missed my period. Like, waited 10 days missed my period. This wasn’t normal, I originally started the pill because of my irregular period. Did I miss a pill? I counted twice, three times, four. No extras. I looked at the open pack I had for this month and the unopened one for next month. They weren’t expired? They were exactly the same, down to the print of the expiration date. I fished the trash can for last month’s empty package, same thing. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. On the way to class that morning, I grabbed 3 pregnancy test from the campus bookstore. I sat my coffee and breakfast sandwich outside the bathroom door and went in. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test, but I’ve always heard the phrase pee on a stick, so I opened all three and used them at the same time. I waited three minutes and washed my hands, grabbing each of the tests in a paper towel. All 3 of them were positive. I cried. I dry heaved. I wanted to pass out on the bathroom floor. I called my boyfriend and he was excited as ever. I was panicking saying we weren’t ready for a baby, how I couldn’t stay in school and work with a newborn, how I would lose everything. I'm not ready, I don’t want children right now. He started to say how I was selfish, and would just have to put my classes and whatnot on hold until the baby was old enough to go to daycare. That made me nauseous. I told him I was coming home and he met me there. He held me and cried saying how happy he was. I felt so disgusted with myself for knowing I didn’t want this baby after seeing him cry like that. I wanted to try and keep the baby for him. I thought about having the baby and just leaving him with it. I thought about disappearing and never having the baby. After a few days I had to ask what he thought of me getting rid of the baby. He told me he would hate me, he would never speak to me again. He layed into me, going on and on about me being a baby killer, how I was selfish, evil, and immature for even thinking something like that. We got into a huge argument from there and I made him leave. He broke my tv and my favorite vase. I cried for his for days, begging him to take me back, he said I would if I kept the baby. Needless to say, he didn’t take me back. I spent every night after that drinking bottle after bottle of Jim beam whiskey. Apple flavored. My dad’s favorite. I miscarried in the dead of the night on a Thursday. Thought I had a real bad stomach bug until I saw the blood in my toilet. My neighbor took me to the hospital, where my now ex's sister works. He showed up with my mom, his mom and his dad. While she half hugged me his mom and dad made comments about how I probably did this on purpose considering I didn’t want the baby anyway. I just kept my mouth shut. My mom asked if they were here to support me or their son and if they weren’t here for me they should just leave. They started arguing and eventually it got loud and security escorted everyone out, but not before my ex and his family could start shouting at the top of their lungs how I’m a baby killer and I’m going to hell and yadayadayada. I’m in so much pain, I’m so tired, and I’m so angry everything had to come to this. I really loved him and now I feel like I’m losing everybody because of this. **TL;DR:** I got pregnant even though I’ve been on birth control, ex wanted to keep it but I didn’t, I drank until the baby died and now I’m in the hospital being labeled as a baby killer. ####**EDIT** This post got a lot more attention then I thought it would. I’m a little overwhelmed, lots of messages and comments. I really appreciate all the genuine support from people. I’m going to try and take the good advice here and ignore the mean people. Thank you all so much again &nbsp; *All Updates were added to original post* ###**UPDATE** Hello again! for those of you wondering I'm 19, my ex is 23, and I'm still in the hospital. My ex's family is gone and my mom went home a bit ago. If my vitals stay where they need to be I can leave tomorrow. I'm trying to convince myself the miscarriage isn’t my fault but I still feel like shit. but I really do appreciate everyone trying. I did see a lot of comments about the potential hipaa violation, I'm going to report it once I'm closer to leaving. I feel very anxious about reporting it while I’m still here. Also, I really don’t think my ex would tamper with my birth control but I also didn’t think he was abusive until you guys pointed it out. I honestly just feel so confused and hurt, and I'm ready to get out of this dumb hospital. I understand this is my fault I'm in here though, what I did was pretty dumb. Sorry for the boring update but I'm really tired. Thank you all so much for the kind words. &nbsp; ###**UPDATE 2** I woke up to twice as many comments and messages then yesterday. You guys have absolutely shredded my inbox. I never knew so much kindness could exist in one place and I’ve actually cried at a lot of these, you all are so amazing! I will be going home soon. The hospital staff compiled a list of resources for me (Therapy, Support groups, Substance abuse treatment, etc). My ex went back to my apartment and disabled the WiFi cameras I had set up. I had to block him and his family members after I got almost 100 messages. So I’ll be returning with my dad. I asked the night nurse to make sure my ex's sister was not my nurse for today as she made me feel really uncomfortable, so I shouldn’t see her anymore. I'm really going to try and take all the advice you guys give me. I'm probably not going to update this post again. Last thank you, and I truly mean thank you all❤️ &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I killed my baby and my boyfriends family hates me

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15q0807/i_killed_my_baby_and_my_boyfriends_family_hates_me/

15q3hys

**The original post was made by** u/FallingApartWoman234 **on** r/offmychest ​ Trigger warning: >!cheating!< Mood spoiler: >!hopeful!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14t8hbe/my_marriage_is_falling_apart_because_of_my/) \- 07 Jul 2023 I am a 37 year old woman. I have been married to my husband (40M) for 10 years. We have 2 kids together. (7M & 4F). I never had any issues in my marriage before. After my son was born I went into deep depression. My life was not in the right track anyways. I was stuck in a dead end low paying job. I was handling my boy alone because my husband has to work overtime to feed us. When my daughter came I made a decision to change myself. I used to drink a lot. Now I am sober. I haven't touched alcohol in 5 years. I have changed my diet and bad food habits. I go to the gym and do yoga every morning. My sleep has improved. My mood has improved drastically with just some changes. I do not get irritated easily or become helpless. I have also updated my resume and looked for a job that suits me. I make a decent amount of money now. I get compliments from people around telling me I look great. I have lost a ton of weight too. I thought my husband would be happy but he is not. He dislikes that I get compliments from people or when people compliment me in front of him. I didn't see it as a big issue. He used to joke about how people assume he is adam sandler who got the "hot chick". I used to brush it off as a joke. Then I discovered he was cheating on me with a coffee shop waitress. I don't think her job title matters but that girl doesn't seem nice to me. I have looked through some of the chats of her and my husband and she called me an old hag trying to fit in with the young. She lives with her parents and is a high school dropout. She is only 22 years old. I am devastated. I thought my husband would be happy. Our sex life has been better than ever. This affair has been going on for 7 months. Despite me working more hours now, I still do all my wifely duties. I cook for him, make him his lunch for the office, I initiate sex and intimacy. Now here I am getting a divorce from him. When I confronted him about the affair he told me being with me is always overbearing. He feels invisible because most people give me attention. And somehow it is my fault. I was obsessed with myself rather than noticing how this is making him feel. He feels small because he has been stuck in the same place 5 years ago. I don't get it. I never pushed him to follow my lead. I always told him that I loved him no matter what. Why is this happening? I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken family. But I cannot live with him after what he has said and done. I know he is being insecure. But he didn't have to hurt me like this. I know as a single mom it is tough to survive. People have warned me that my husband could act differently towards me. They were right. I wish it didn't end like this. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15ilkg9/my_marriage_is_falling_apart_because_of_my/) \- 05 august 2023 Hello guys, I want to thank all those people who have supported me and was kind to me. I know people have PMed me to know how I am doing. I am doing fine. Yes there is still pain but things are moving smoothly. I did get my son and daughter to therapy. My son knows why we are divorcing, he gets angry sometimes and throws a fit. My daughter is too young to understand anything. I just want to know how can I handle this? How can I make my son to see none of this is his fault but his father's? I do not want to keep anything a secret from my kids because I believe the relationship between a couple effects the kids too. I do want him to have a good relationship with his dad but I do not want him to take a bad lesson from it. The other day I was watching the movie "Family that preys". I know this is silly but I had this fear inside me that what if my son blames me for the divorce like Andrea blamed her mother because her father left? What if he turns out just like his own father? I cannot control everything that goes inside his head. I try my best to be there for my son but the constant fear of losing him is still there. My father came to visit me. He lives in a different city. He knows half-truth. After knowing the full truth he was very angry. When my ex-husband came to visit our kids, my dad and him got into a huge fight. My dad slapped him. My dad used to be in the army so my ex-husband is terrified of him. He threatened to call the police but my dad shouted "I am not afraid of a cockroach like you". I told my dad not to make things more complicated than it already is. I am trying my best to keep my daily routine. Sleeping has been tough but I do not want to depend on pills. On the bright side, I have a lot of free time in my hand. I realized that half of my chores have been reduced. I know kids are messy but there is a huge relief. I do not have to clean crumbs off the table, or have rings of water droplets on the coffee table which annoys me a lot. Things and stuff stay at it's place. I started to notice, my husband was the one who made half of the mess and I was the one who clean it. Last week I went to the theatre with my son and daughter to watch Barbie. We were accompanied by my friend who is also a single mom of 2. I felt good wearing the replica of cowboy costume that margot robbie wore (my friend's idea). We did have a lot of fun. I am still trying my best to stay afloat. And I am not thinking about dating. I do not have the urge to date at the moment. I did get hit on in few places but nothing exciting. I will see you guys later. edit: I had to delete my previous post because of issues. &#x200B; **I am not OP. Please do not comment on the original post.**

(Update) - My marriage is falling apart because of my changed lifestyle.

INCONCLUSIVE

ILikeYourMomAndSis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15q3hys/update_my_marriage_is_falling_apart_because_of_my/

15q5yby

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Even-You8358 (now deleted) in r/TrueOffMyChest** trigger warnings: >!medical issues, surgery, emotional and verbal abuse!< mood spoilers: >!frustrating!< --- &nbsp; [**My husband told me he hopes I die during surgery.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13ya2et/my_husband_told_me_he_hopes_i_die_during_surgery/) - June 2, 2023 I am getting a gastric bypass in 2 weeks. I have had this planned for over a year when I got my insurance. It was a snap decision but my weight has been an issue my whole life and my GP has been pushing me to get the surgery after multiple failed attempts at trying to lose it myself and multiple health issues being made worse by my weight. A year ago I made the decision during my lunch break to get health insurance and the fortnightly payments have pretty much kept me motivated in my journey to better myself because OMFG ITS SO MUCH MONEY?! My husband was so angry when I called and told him I signed up for the insurance. He told me it was a waste of my money and I didn't need to lose weight but after a short argument he didn't bring it up again. Months went by and I forgot about it because I had a whole year to wait before I could do anything but I was taking steps to better myself in other areas. I started dressing nicer, I went into a clothes store for the first time in a decade and spent a grand on a new wardrobe. Which sounds like a lot but I have hated myself for so long I only wore t-shirts and joggers. I went to the hairdresser for the first time in 6 years! I went to the dentist! I am looking into maybe braces? I started my bachelors of data science. Like when I say I have completely taken this as a chance to become a new person I'm not joking. I want to come out of this being proud of who I am and not just the same me in a skinnier body. My husband is not supportive at all of any of this. Every step he has just told me I'm doing the wrong thing. I'm spending too much money. The clothes I wear don't look good. I'm not smart enough to do data science. I just ignored it because I thought maybe if I improved myself it would motivate him to do the same. He doesn't even need to get a better job or anything like that but maybe he could cook more or do stuff around the house or take care of things I can't because I'm so busy. But he won't. Like we are 25 and 26 we can do anything we want our life isn't over yet we have only just started it he doesn't have to spend the rest of his life doing nothing. The closer we got to my surgery date the more he would send me videos of bariatric surgery patients telling their stories going wrong to scary me out of doing it. He would tell me statistics of me gaining weight back and that I'll probably still be fat so there is no point. After about a week of this I snapped and an argument ensued. I called him lazy and said that he's living off me money so I don't know why he complains so much. And he told me he hopes I don't wake up from the surgery and walked out. He won't answer me calls now and I think in 2 weeks I'm going to go come out of surgery without a stomach or a husband. &nbsp; **UPDATE** (on the same post) Update: so today we finally had a talk. I know you were all hoping I would just ghost him or something but I didn't really want to do that. We met for lunch and he told me he had been at his parents house cooling his head and he was sorry he hadn't answered any of my calls or messages but he had to sort his thoughts out. He told me that he felt really upset that I was making all these decisions without talking to him first and that he also was scared that I could make such big decisions especially ones like major surgery without even consulting him. I thought about it and told him that I understood that he was feeling left behind and that I should have spoken to him more but I also felt that because these decisions were about my body and my own growth I guess I got carried away in the excitement however that was not an excuse at all for his comment and I was REALLY hurt by it. Him constantly trying to dissuade me from improving was disgusting and not on. He apologised and said he felt that I wasn't hearing him and he felt this was the only way for him to get me to understand. Although this may not be the outcome you all want to hear we are going to get couples therapy. I said for now I want to separate for 2 months while I recover from surgery then we will start couples therapy together to see if we can heal. I think these 2 months are also to mull over my feelings a bit more too and for him to also really think about how he wants to move forward. We will see. &nbsp; *Marked as inconclusive because OOP and her husband were still separated and working on their feelings, and she’s since deleted her Reddit account.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP’s husband told her that he hopes she dies during surgery

INCONCLUSIVE

blindspottings

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15q5yby/oops_husband_told_her_that_he_hopes_she_dies/

15q6vj8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Mousxe **I (F20) have no idea on how to handle my fiances (M21) best friend (M23) kissing me. What can i do?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!attempted rape and violent sexual assault!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/159byaj/i_f20_have_no_idea_on_how_to_handle_my_fiances/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 25, 2023** I (f20) am engaged to the most wonderful man, (M21) who I'll call Scott (not his real name). this might be a long one, so bare with me please. Yesterday, Scotts best friend and chosen brother, Jackson (M23), kissed me. On the lips. For a brief moment, I didn't react. I just sat there and let him, before I pushed him off of me. Mind you, I'm 4'9, and only 95 lbs. He's nearly 6'3, and weighs 250 lbs, so pushing him off wasn't easy. Right after pushing him off, he got back on top, grabbing my chest and my throat while kissing me again. I was fucking terrified, but he finally got off once i started crying. He is also the only person other then my fiancé who knows im a rape victim. Jackson explained he got the go ahead from his wife, AND my fiancé, but begged me not to tell anyone, as he was afraid his wife (F18) would leave him, and he would lose a best friend. I don't want anyone to lose each other, as recently Scott has lost his bio dad, uncle and aunt as well as our friend group. I don't think he can mentally handle losing Jackson. Jackson swears it will never happen again, and that he is beyond sorry, but that i simply can't tell anyone. I used to consider Jackson my brother as well, but i have no idea how to handle this. I want to tell Scott, i want to tell him so maybe he can talk to him privately, but jackson says if anyone finds out he wont be around for Scott anymore. I'm so conflicted on how to handle this. I know its the morally right thing to tell Scott, but what if that does more damage then good? ​ **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Mousxe I wanted to add a detail I had forgotten. I'm almost completely mute. Part of me is worried that because I cannot vocally say no, and communicate strictly through ASL and written text, maybe what i did wasnt enough to signify this isnt what i had wanted. Maybe that changes how i need to look at this, I'm not entirely sure. * **aiwendil_brown** >The story is too bizarre. The offender saying his own wife and your fiancé (his best friend!) agreed to it before he did it, like he asked for their permission before he assaulted you, plus his wife being only 18. Too many oddities in the same story. I don’t mean to offend you if this is all real, and you certainly need some genuine help if it is, but to me this just reads fake. **OOP replied** >>Again, i see where youre coming from. If it clears any of that up, we at one point were a whole friendgroup back in highschool. Most of us were in band and kinda just attached to one another. Jacksons wife is 18, almost 19 in two months, but obviously i agree the age difference is fucking weird. Jackson explained to me that he had told my fiance he could sleep with his wife if he could sleep with me, which apparently my fiance agreed to, but after talking with him he said he never would agree to something like that. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15a83jv/update_i_f20_have_no_idea_on_how_to_handle_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 26, 2023** I posted this after a very unsettling situation happened, and a few people asked for a update, and i wanted to also clarify some things. Clarity first. • I don't think many people saw my comment, but I am almost entirely mute. I communicate through ASL and written text. • Yes, this is military. A few people pointed out that it seems like a military related situation. and it is. Both my fiancé and Jackson are in the army. • I am aware we are young. I know it's not the smartest idea to be making such large commitments at a young age, but i know i love Scott. As for jackson and his wife, there is no excusing that age gap, but they grew up together, started dating when she was 16, married 3 months after she turned 18. ​ As for the update. I told Scott, and Jacksons wife. I'm not sure how she handled it, because both Scott and I were blocked after telling her. Scott did drop Jackson, and is incredibly angry, as he never agreed to it. We took photos of the bruising around my neck, but did report this, not only to his higher ups but also local police, as I don't live on base. Scott has been nothing but supportive of me, and let me have my time to cry and vent. If no one here has seen a ASL user venting, it does look like someone translating Rap God into ASL. I wanted to thank everyone for the support, and tough love and brutal honesty. I admit, i was downplaying what happened in my head, as I couldn't convince myself it was actually assault. If youre reading this, and in the same situation i was in, tell someone. Please. You will be surprised by how many people actually do love you, and support you, and want you to heal. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (F20) have no idea on how to handle my fiances (M21) best friend (M23) kissing me. What can i do?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15q6vj8/i_f20_have_no_idea_on_how_to_handle_my_fiances/

15qjjpd

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/ta23454 **in** r/Advice **and** r/offmychest TW: >!Infidelity, accusations of sexual assault!< Mood Spoiler: >!Good for OOP!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/14lkoe6/my_father_has_somehow_found_me_after_disowning_me/) \- Jun. 28, 2023 (in r/Advice) **My Father has somehow found me after disowning me, what should I do?** This is a throwaway account, if you're wondering about a lack of information it's because I hate thinking about this fucked up situation I'll give a very brief description of why this matters so much to me. My Ex-Girlfriend cheated on me and after I found out and confronted her about it she got scared and told nearly everybody we knew that I had raped her to cover up her cheating. I was placed in custody during the investigationhowever released as there was no evidence, my parents had already disowned me and most of my friends had distanced themselves from me, I wasn't even proved innocent by a jury so my parents still believed me to be a rapist who had gotten lucky. My best friend began to help me behind their backs and I ran away, I had nothing to lose as nobody liked or even approached me and my college barred me from attending lessons, only emailing me the work and bringing me in for Exams. I went as far away from that town as I could and got an apartment after working in some community jobs for some money and managed to sort of stabilise myself. I decided to change my name after a while cause I came to hate looking at it for some reason, I still don't know why. This helped me start a new slate and I made a few new friends when I went into Uni, again, I don't know why I did this, I'm still in truckloads of debt and was incredibly poor looking back. I finished my degree in teaching and moved far away to a country on the opposite side of the globe where I live now. I got a nice apartment and settled down in my new job. I eventually met a girl who turned out to become my now Wife. I originally couldn't trust her and after realising how much patience she had with me (I would flinch if she tried to touch me or I'd start fidgeting when she'd get close), I fell head over heels for her. She eventually gave birth to my twin daughter and son who I adore and will defend to the edge of the universe. Her family got used to me very quickly considering I was a foreigner and not very trusted, they treated me well and I sort of remembered how a loving family actually is. Now I'm living in a nice house with both of my children and Wife and we're very happy. That is until last night where I was playing on our Playstation with my Son while my Wife and Daughter were in the garden, there's a knock on the door and lo and behold my Father is there, he smiled weakly and began to speak but I slammed the door so hard I scared my Son. I took him to his room and called for my Wife to take my daughter to her bed. She was freaking out and so was I, my Father kept knocking on the door and I just broke down in the moment. My Wife comforted me then answered the door for me, she asked who he was and he said he was my Father, I had given my Wife a vague background of me and she had nothing but sorrow for me. She looked pissed understandably and began to scream at my Father for abandoning me and whatnot. After she calmed down, I told her to let him in and for her to go to our Kid's bedroom and keep them busy while I talked to my Dad. He said that he was doing my ex-girlfriend a favour by clearing some stuff on her Phone and while he was clearing out some messages on her phone, he saw a conversation between her and the guy she was cheating on me with, basically expressing the guilt for ruining my life and that she wanted to take it all back. My Father didn't confront her as he wasn't ready to bring back a dead situation but silently began to hunt for me to tell me that he believed me. I don't even know how he found me but I don't care cause he's here. Now for the part I need help on. I don't know what to do, I've considered my options alone after walking through some random streets and I've come to some conclusions but I'm not sure what the best decision is. 1: Turn him away and tell him to go back to our country and leave me alone. 2: Reconcile with him and tell my Mother If there is a better option which you have then please let me know, I'm stressing out hard here and am planning to take the day off work tomorrow, my Father is in an apartment nearby so I'll probably go to him with my answer. Thanks in advance. \~\~\~ [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/14n8t06/update_my_father_has_somehow_found_me_after/) \- Jun. 30, 2023 **Update, My Father has somehow found me after disowning me, what should I do?** Hi everyone, I'm sorry that I haven't said anything recently but I came to the decision that I would not reconcile with my Father. I simply couldn't find it in myself to forgive him. Some of you might want a story so here is how it went down the day after I made the post. I visited my Father in his hotel and I told him that I wouldn't reconcile with him or anything like that. He had tears in his eyes but was understanding, he said he told my mother about her and cut my ex-girlfriend off from the family entirely. I asked him why there was still contact as many of you questioned and he said that she apparently felt too guilty to really let us go, I'm not too inclined to believe it as were many of you but it's closure enough for me. Apparently my Mother didn't take the news too well and tried to get my phone number but my Father didn't let in. Not sure what I could really trust given that I feel most of it is just a ploy to get me back into their lives but after they threw me out onto the streets like a rabid dog it just makes me sick. My Son did end up asking who was at the door but I told him that it was a colleague. I plan to tell both of them what happened to me in my past when they're older or going through tough times to let them know that I understand. We're all fine, it shook me up a bit but I hope I have my Father's word in him keeping my new life a secret. If anything else happens I'll keep you updated but I think the matter is resolved for now. Thank you all so much for the support and good words. If anybody you know has gone through the things I have, be there for them, you cannot throw them to the streets, always stay alongside them and make sure they're happy, even if they have to move across the planet to be so. \~\~\~ [Second Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15kkaru/i_got_closure_from_my_family/) \- Aug. 7, 2023 (in r/offmychest) **I got closure from my family.** This is my first time posting to this community so I’ll give some backstory, I grew up in a perfectly normal middle class family, they raised me well and I was living a good life, then I got a girlfriend and at the start she was amazing, we had many of the same hobbies and went along well, then I discovered she was cheating on me and before I could put her, she threatened to tell everybody I had raped her. I thought she was bluffing but she actually did it and my family disowned me, I was released from custody due to lack of evidence but I wasn’t able to be tried and acquitted, therefore my parents thought I was a rapist who had gotten away with it. I decided I would start a clean slate, I stayed with my best friends for a while before getting copies of all my major information and running away, I got a degree in teaching and moved to another country where I met my wife and had my twin daughter and son. Was living peacefully before my father found me and it kicked off a chain of events that leads to this post. I recently had an incident with my family involving them breaking a promise, it angered me incredibly and after a lot of thought I decided I would face them directly. I flew back to my home country and met with everybody involved, my mom, dad, brother and even the girl who accused me. I was nervous of course, but I was shocked when I realised I didn’t really see them as family, I recognised them of course, but I didn’t see them the way I see my wife, kids and in-laws. My mother started by breaking into tears and trying to apologise, I just felt disgusted by it. My Father comforted my mother and my Brother was the one who kept his composure and initiated conversation. He asked me how I was doing and I responded by telling him to cut any small talk and that this meeting was on my terms. I told all of them that I was not looking for reconciliation and I simply wanted closure, I made sure to tell them that I would call the police should they attempt to chase me. I asked my Parents why they were so quick to abandon me, even though the Police said there was no proof. They said that they made a rash decision and seeing me in custody broke their hearts, I called them out on it since they didn’t try to stick up for me or anything so I then asked what some people on my original post had said about my father looking through my accuser’s phone, he said that she came to him to ask him to clear off her phone of non essential stuff and that’s when he saw the chat logs with her friends. My dad was always good with technology so while it wasn’t fulfilling, I accepted it. I then asked my Brother why he never contacted me, he looked surprised and said that he did but I just ignored him all that time. Turns out, he was right, my Brother had tried hundreds of times to contact me and give me money to get me off of rock bottom, but questioned why I never answered and assumed that I hated him because of what happened. Well as it turns out my mother had my contacts blocked on all of her phone plans as she payed for my brother’s old phone plan. So i couldn’t even receive help when I was completely lost. Then the cherry on top, my ex, I first asked her why she actually did it. She said that she was scared of what would happen and that she never stopped loving me even throughout it all, she said that every session of “therapy” made her feel even more guilty as she knew it was all fake. She then told me that she hadn’t dated anyone since in hopes that I would come back and she could apologise. Because “I’m sorry” would really reverse time and fix all of it apparently. Even that was bullshit cause my father said that he found chat logs of three different partners she had when I was away, my ex broke down crying and tried to hold my hand. She had the fucking audacity to ask for another chance. This just made me spiteful and I pulled out my phone and began showing all of them hundreds of pictures of my two children’s milestones and good times my family had together, our visits to cities, their first day of school, both of them in my Wife and My arms. I told her that this was what she could’ve had if she wasn’t so stupid, and my parents what they missed out on for not even hearing me out. I had a moment when I thought I had gone too far, but I realised compared to what they did to me, I hadn’t. My visit wasn’t all miserable though as I met up with my old best friend and his family, they were happy to see me and I was still grateful for them taking me in when it felt like the whole world was against me. I plan to return to the country nen day to show my Kids where half of their culture comes from. I won’t let them anywhere near my family though. As far as I’m concerned, my only family is my Wife and her family and my kids. I’d say it went pretty well. Edit: as some of you asked, I have decided I would allow my Brother to fly over and meet his Nephew and Niece. I completely forgot to mention this in the post. Apologies. (I hesitated at first as me and my brother weren’t really on great terms growing up, brotherly rivalry and all that.) \~\~\~ *Note: Marked as concluded, since OOP got closure and plans to let his brother into his life.* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

My father has somehow found me after disowning me, what should I do?

CONCLUDED

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15qjjpd/my_father_has_somehow_found_me_after_disowning_me/

15qjopl

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Sad_Access1721 **My sex addiction is ruining my life.** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Betrayal by a friend and public humiliation, use of a slur!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14r0xlq/my_sex_addiction_is_ruining_my_life_nsfw/) **July 5, 2023** I M24 have been diagnosed with compulsive sexual behavior. I see people online saying they have hypersexuality but they never dive deep into what it actually is. Up until a few months ago I couldn't get shit done, I couldn't do things I like and I couldn't keep stable relationships because I feared I might cheat on them. I self pleasured constantly, I watched a ton of PH and atp its almost all I thought about. I am an software engineer and while I'm doing my work is the only time I don't think about it. I like my job but for awhile my addiction had been seeping into my work to. I almost got caught self pleasuring in the bathroom. I've most likely have had sex with over 100 people. It makes me feel disgusting and unlovable. Though no one would be able to tell because of how plain I act. I'm seen as a very dry person with a monotone voice. Though as of late I have been watching this girl. She hangs out with my roommate/friend often. She came into my room once after mistakening it for my roommates. She took some socks from my drawer when I caught her. For context my roommate dropped juice on her and it soaked into her socks. She's really sweet and has been making a lot of effort to try and get to know me. Even baking me sweets and randomly talking to me when she comes over. I really like her and have been thinking of her non-stop. I want to ask her out but there is no reason to. I'd fuck it up. So it motivated me to try to get some help. I'm doing the therapy, doing the program, participating in groups and have been medicated. I've been doing this for 6 months. It's been absolutely killing me. I'm really trying. I asked my therapist if maybe I should attempt to ask the girl out and she told me it'd be a bad idea and if it went south It could make me rebound. Now I just found out that some guy likes her and now I'm afraid of losing her. I've been keeping her close to me this whole time to keep some type of relationship with her. It's killing me because my illness only has a 5 percent recovery rate. Though I feel like I truly am getting better, my self pleasure amount has gone down significantly, my libido has definitely been lowered to...most likely because of the meds. I just want to ask her out but my therapist told me I need to stop using her a motive because it's a danger to my recovery. Maybe I do but I just wish I didn't have this. I'm probably shortening this situation a lot but it is...a lot. Edit: I'll wait to ask her out, I was going to do that anyway. I just felt some type of way last night. Though some of the comments really gave me a different point of view. I'll start trying to change my goal in my mind, most likely change my goal to bettering myself at my work because as I said, I love my job and I love the people I work with. I don't want to lose my job over my problem. I'll update in a few months hopefully, maybe 6? Not saying I'd be fully cured by then but I'm definitely half way there so far. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15l2cl1/update_my_sex_addiction_is_ruining_my_life_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 7, 2023** So it's only been about a month since I made my last post but something scary happened 2 weeks ago and I don't know whether to think this is a bad thing yet. Backstory for those who don't want to read my last post but I have a sex addiction, I have been working at recovery for about 7 months. So far 4 months without a hook-up and 2 months without watching porn. I only started doing this because I feel in love with a girl but knew I'd never be able to have a relationship with her if I stayed like this. Though as advised in my last post I should change my goal and I have. Though I am still good friends with the girl. Anyway, I had 2 bestfriends. The friend in question who I am extremely upset at in has been my friend since I was 13. Let's call this friend John. John has been one of my most trusted friends and recently I have been in a rut and thought maybe having some support from a friend would help. So I told John everything. John from what I saw took it well and offered his ear whenever I would need it. I also told him I've slept with other 100 people. Which was the only thing I could visibly see that off put him. I told him I just wanted my life back on track so I could be normal and get to the true place I want to in my field of work. This is where the problem happens. A few days later I go and hang out with him, my roommate and the rest of the group. This group includes the girl who I will call Katie. Katie has been giving me weird looks the whole time I was there and is avoiding talking to me. I go to my roommate and ask if Katie is okay and he just gives me this look of sadness. He brings me into a room away from everyone and tells me that John told EVERYONE including Katie about my sex addiction and how I've slept with over 100 people. How I am disgusting and even almost got caught masturbating at my job. He also failed to tell them I was getting intensive help for my issues but what he did tell them was that I had a MAJOR crush on Katie and have been masturbating to her Instagram photos. Which I certainly did not, I'd never violate her like that. He also told them not to tell me because "We shouldn't shame him for his mental illness". I get upset and tell my roommate that yes I do have a sex addiction and that yes I did almost get caught trying to masturbate at my job BUT I never masturbated to any photos of Katie and I'm getting intensive help with my issues. I also told him I've been taking Prozac which has tbh lowered my libido by a lot in the last coming weeks. I've been getting help for 7 months. He tells me that he believes me, and I thought "wow I thought he'd think I was lying". He dropped another bomb on me saying that John has a huge crush on Katie and probably did this to hurt my reputation with her. That he has lived with me long enough to know I wasn't that shitty and how he didn't trust John after the way he exposed my shit like that to the whole group. He asked if I'd like, he'd help me tell her what happened. He asked John if he could go out and get some beer for us and John asked me if I'd like to go. Holding back all my hatred I told him in a calm voice no thanks. He leaves and I walk into roommates room. My roommate asks Katie to go speak to him for a moment. She says sure and opens the door to my roommates room to see me. She gives me and extremely disgusted face which tbh really hurt me. My roommate tells her that John lied to her about what I did and likes her and that's why he tried to ruin my reputation. She is obviously shocked about this. Then after some more explanation and reasoning from my roomate, apologizes for assuming I was a pervert with a sex addiction. To which I had to prematurely explain to her that yes I did. I asked the roommate to leave the room for a bit. He does so and closes the door. Katie looks at me and apologizes again for assuming I would do that to her. I told her there was no need and people are sick like that. It's not her fault for protecting herself. I then explained that I do have a sex addiction and have been working on progressing to my recovery for 7 months. That I did have sex with over 100 people and that I did have a crush on her. I didn't tell her that she was my goal, I didn't want to put any more weight on her that I already have. I told her I wanted to ask her out and realized it would never work because of my issues and how it had got me thinking on how I can't live a normal life in general. How I felt like I'd lose the best job I've ever had if this kept up. She completely understood and thanked me for being honest. She told me she actually did have a crush on me but once John lied to her she got creeped out. I asked her if she was being truthful about liking me. She told me she was being serious. She told me it wouldn't be right to date right now because of what's going on with me and I agreed. Though she said if I do hit a good recovery point that she would love to go out on a date. I agreed. I don't know if she'll actually wait for me to recover but it is a nice thought. I will not be rushing my recovery though, I want to be cured sustainably. So we come out, John isn't back yet but my roommate has explained to our group of friends of John's lie. Some of them still gave me grossed out faces when finding out about my issue but the others were very supportive. When John walked in all hell broke loose. Katie was screaming at him about how he could betray his friend in need like that. How he was disgusting and selfish and she would never want to be with someone like him. My roommate laid into him to and told him he wasn't welcome in his apartment anymore. My other friends who were there also cast him off. It feels like My support group has grown from 1 to 7. Though losing a life long friend is definitely hurting me. My other best friend who was friends with both me and John has also cut John off. Apparently John has done something similar to this to him. Just got gaslighted into thinking it was justified. I also have a plant now, it's a bonsai tree. It's thriving and so am I. I hung out with Katie recently that was nice. It's nice to be able to be around people. Since this happened about 2 weeks ago things are still a bit awkward. John has consistently been leaving me nasty messages but oh well. I'm still extremely worried though about the future especially because my business was just thrown out there by someone who was supposed to be my best friend. Hopefully everything goes well. Edit: I just looked at his messages out of curiosity. So I'm bisexual and he knows that. He's just calling me the F-slur 😑 and calling me a thief. How I'll cheat on her once we start dating. How I should just stick to men and stop being greedy because what woman would love me. I kind of didn't want to block him in hopes of him apologizing and maybe to talk it out....nope. I blocked him on everything and just sent his messages to the GC I have with my roommate and Katie. They are currently clowning him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **esthercy** >No wonder you have a crush on this woman haha, she is really kind, and you too OP! **OOP replied** >The absolute kindest person I've ever met. When we first became friends she baked me muffins. When she makes new friends she makes them "friend muffins" usually banana or blueberry. The absolute best thing that I have ever tasted. Though after she saw how I was basically eating a bunch of microwaved crap she started making me...a lot of muffins and bread. I'm pretty sure I've gained 15 pounds because of all the tasty shit she gives me on a weekly basis. Really lucky to be around her. * **KSredneck69** >Best of luck with your recovery. Glad to hear everyone atound you that matters is being supportive. Look in the bright side with John being exposed like the manipulator he is you dont have to yo worry about him making it hard whenever you struggle. Addictions are a hell of a thing to beat and it wont be easy but us internet strangers believe in you. >>"I also have a plant now, it's a bonsai tree" >Also i love this random addition. Welcome to the bonsai gang. My 'bonsai' tree that probably isn't really a bonsai tree and is just some cheap thing i got at walmart. But it's been going strong for 6 years and is more of a small bush now. Small things to care for can really help you in the long run like with my own depression struggles. **OOP replied** >Haha, In my last post it was said that I should get a plant because taking care of something small could help me. So basically what you said haha. I ended up going to a plant shop and buying the bonsai, then I ordered a book online and have been learning to help to care for my beautiful bonsai. >I am very happy that I told John when I was in a better stage of recovery. I am also happy he exposed himself. So now I can continue my recovery in peace. >Thanks for the kind words stranger **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My sex addiction is ruining my life

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15qjopl/my_sex_addiction_is_ruining_my_life/

15qrplg

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/n0dramaan0n **in** r/AITAH. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!NONE!< mood spoilers: >!heartbreak, anger, sadness, regret, contemplation!< --- &nbsp; ###[**WIBTAH if I left my fiancée destitute?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15hp0zh/wibtah_if_i_left_my_fiancee_destitute/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, Aug 04, 2023* I might not be in the right state of mind, but I had to get this off my chest. Two days ago, I came back from basketball, a little early. I overheard my fiancée (June) tell her friend that she is settling for me. This friend just got out of a relationship. I don't know what they were talking about before, but I just heard June saying that after all the assholes she dated, settling for me will be good for her. She then went on to describe my job and and all the perks of being with me. Love is apparently not on the list. Hearing this kinda broke me. I just stood in place dumbfounded. I don't even think she even loves me. For context, we live in a beach house (I bought it as a total gut job and renovated it myself) and I have several other properties that are all rented out. I work in property insurance from home and do house flips on the side. I'm satisfied with what I've accomplished so far in my life. All of this was worth mentioning for June, but not how much I loved her. How much time we spent together. Not how I tried to be supportive of her goals and ambitions, how she wanted for nothing. I'm not going to lie, I was in a bad place. Maybe still am. I spent all of last night going though her messages. I knew her password, I just never looked. Well, it's a pretty common thing for her to say. Pretty much all her friends know what's up. June wants a "nice, normal guy" after all the assholes she dated. She wants a drama-free life where she'll be taken care of. Every time I read what she really thought about me, it was like another needle was being jammed in my heart. My first reaction was to yell at her and confront her about it. My second reaction was to make her suffer like I am. My dear June, the love of my life, I thought, doesn't work right now. She quit to be a real estate agent. I don't know, maybe she wanted to learn more about real estate, maybe she thought her looks would get her by. She doesn't work right now. 0. She also lives in my house. She decorated it and certainly put her touches on everything, but my name is on the title. Just mine. Her car is technically mine too. She didn't qualify for financing on her own, and she just had to have a beamer, so I cosigned it. I can probably make a case that's my car. We don't have joint accounts (Thank the Almighy himself, because she did ask), I pay her cards right now. I want to just show her the texts, throw her shit in garbage bags and put her out on the street. WIBTAH if I did that? ####**Edit:** Thank you everyone for your advise and kind words. I will talk to June sometime over the weekend. I think she picked up that something was up. I didn't call her from work like I usually do, and last couple of nights I made an excuse that I was beat and went to bed pretty early. I'll try to read as many replies and provide more information. But I wanted to clarify a couple of things. Regardless of how shitty I feel, I didn't like people calling June nasty names. It's partly my fault, I didn't give enough detail. Before quitting, she had a decent enough job. She's not good at managing money at all, but she would buy stuff for the house or gifts for me on special occasions. I never thought of her as a gold digger. She talked to me about quitting and trying to be a real estate agent. She told me she liked the freedom of the profession and I tried to be supportive. Secondly, I don't think I misunderstood her meaning. Maybe she didn't mean it as a negative, but the messages were crystal clear. She settled for me. ***Comments*** >Why did you love her, OP? Do you have a lot in common or is she pretty? **OOP replied** >>She has the most melodic laugh I've ever heard. Like it's impossible not to smile when she's laughing. She liked taking care of me. Or I thought she did. She would do the most thoughtful things that seem mundane, but were important to me. She also made me feel special. She can be very loving and affectionate. I just felt 8 feet tall when I was with her. And she IS pretty. Maybe that was all there was too it and I was just fooling myself. But if I was, I'm a fucking Jedi master because I convinced myself it was real. &nbsp; ###[**Update: WIBTAH if I left my fiancée destitute?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15jukmm/update_wibtah_if_i_left_my_fiancee_destitute/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, Aug 06, 2023* Hi, everyone. Thank you to everyone for your advise and kind words. Here is the update. I talked to June. I told her how I overheard her talking. How she is settling for me. I told her how that felt and what kind of mood I was in after. She had tears rolling down her face as I was telling her how I felt. She didn't say anything for a bit. Then she just said, I'm sorry. It was true when we started dating. She just heard from [mutual friend] that I was great and she thought she'd give me a chance. She said, in the beginning it was about feeling safe, and feeling like she could be supported and loved. In the beginning, it was just being with someone who had their shit together and would be good for her. Eventually, she fell in love. She loved me dearly. This didn't make me feel better. I then told her about the text messages. This is when she got angry. I was an asshole for going though her messages. Violation of privacy. Betrayal of trust. How dare I? I didn't set out to get her password. She's just extremely careless with it. She hits 'remember password' on everything. When she types it out, she hits 'show password first.' If you happened to be glancing at the screen you'd know what it was. That's how I found out. I've never thought to use it until that day. Eventually, after going on about reading her messages she stopped and was sobbing for a minute. Finally she just goes, what do you want me to say? "I can't help how I feel." I wasn't the type she'd go for before. She's still attracted to those types of guys. She's just older now, and knows better. That's why she's settled with me. She loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. That doesn't work for me. I told her, we had different ideas about what a relationship, especially marriage were. The trust is broken for both of us. I went though her messages, she settled for me even though I'm not her type. This is where we go our separate ways. We agreed eventually that she stay with one of her friends. I'll move all her stuff to the spare bedroom. When she finds a place, I'll help her move. She can keep the car. I was just being an asshole about leaving her destitute. She was crying from the moment we started talking to the moment we went into separate rooms. It wasn't easy seeing her like that. I wanted to go to her and hold her, but it had to be done. When I closed the door to my room, that's when all the emotions washed over me. I was bawling the whole time. The sheets still smelled like her and I either couldn't or didn't want to change them just then. I feel shitty and I won't be ok for a while. But I am pretty certain I did the right thing. I read a lot of comments on the old post, and it shocked me, truly I was a little taken a back with how many comments I saw from women that they did the same thing. They settled for their current SO after going though a bunch of guys that was more their type. To me that's...super fucked? Like if your partner knows and you're both cool with it, fine I guess, live your life. But to me that's gross. If you settle with your SO for safety, comfort, financial calculus that's what an arranged marriage is? You want the benefits of an arranged marriage without any of the obligations of one. If you can pull it off more power to you, but that's not something that interests me at all. I also read a whole bunch of get an ironclad prenup. I understand the thinking, but I don't want to do that. Maybe I'm too quixotic and old-fashioned, but starting a life long commitment with a plan on how to end it doesn't seem right. I guess it's something I'll have to pay attention to more going forward. Thank you again everyone. If there are any updates to be had, I'll post again. But that's it. ***Notable comment*** **rosetravel** >I think it might be worth mentioning that I think often “settling” and “deprogramming” get conflated in these situations. >Look, I get that everyone thinks taste is some kind of fingerprint deeply unique to the individual, but it’s simply not true. Taste is influenced by society, friends and family. Sure, you can grow up not like I certain foods your family does like. But largely, your food interests are influenced by what you are even exposed to. Same with things like music. Society and what’s cool often plays a factor. Or how you want to relate to society and what is cool is a factor. Just look at all these guys on tiktok finally discovering they like Taylor swift after their buddy shows them their music. Think of all the times they probably heard that from women in their life before that. If taste wasn’t influenced by society and the people around us, why would it matter who told them to listen to Taylor’s music? >This is really all to say that I think a lot of women grow up programmed to have a certain “taste” in men from society and the people around them. That they need someone volatile, hot, or dangerous to validate their worth. But as women grow up, they realize it’s not true. That they want something different. They want to be loved and respected. They want to feel calm and safe more often they chaotic and stressed. They want to care for someone who makes them feel cared for. They have all this love to invest in someone, they want someone worthy to them, not based on stupid shit they learned on teen soap opera’s growing up lol. And so women will say things like, “you weren’t my usual type” but really they mean, “Oh hadn’t questioned yet what I actually wanted and needed, I was being fed this from society and the people around me.” >Idk, in your situation it does sound like you were providing for her quite a bit and so it really is YOU who would would know if it’s what I mentioned above or more like she’s using you. But thought I’d offer this as an alternative. >Many people in the replies discussing the usage of the word “settling” and others bringing up the difference between “settling” and “settling down.” I find this super interesting because on the nose, I agree with the premise, that, one has a worse connotation than the other. But the more I thought about it, the more that I do think that it’s true, they have different connotations, they actually mean similar things. Deciding as you mature you want to seek out and prioritize different things in a partner. However “settling down” is more often ascribed to men as a positive quality while settling is more often directed at women and is inherently seen as negative. And yet, they are foundationally the same premise. Idk, I haven’t thought this one all the way through but it is making the wheels turn lol. Because while I say all this, if someone said they were settling for me as opposed to really mean “settling down” with me, my feelings would be hurt! Lol, so I feel the difference in meaning but I do think it’s worth questioning! >I would also like to add that I feel like many people in the comments jump from “he has a good job” to gold digger and I don’t think that’s fair. As I’ve stated (and other people in the replies) context matters and often having a job isn’t about money is about reliability and a proven ability to improve at things over time. It really would depend exactly what the fiancé said and how she said it, I really think it’s that nuanced. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

WIBTAH if I left my fiancée destitute?

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15qrplg/wibtah_if_i_left_my_fiancée_destitute/

15qrq5n

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/ThrowRA1974729 **in** r/relationship_advice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* content warning: >!NONE!< mood spoilers: >!Confusion, panic, guilt, relief, resolution, uncertainty!< --- &nbsp; ###[**I (20F) hooked up with my stepbrother (20M) and I’m completely panicking**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15fvlw3/i_20f_hooked_up_with_my_stepbrother_20m_and_im/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, Aug 02, 2023* I’m 20F and my stepbrother is also 20M (he’s 5 months older). Our parents only got married a few years ago so we only lived in the same house for one year. We weren’t very close at all (more like awkward acquittances) but we went to the same college - it’s a small college near our town where basically everyone goes who stays in the area. We both are in the business school and so we’re in a lot of the same classes and activities so we ended up having similar friends. We got closer as friends/siblings while in school, tho my best friend is my roommate. We were all at a bar last Saturday and my stepbrother was being really nice after a guy I was supposed to meet up with never showed. He kept buying me drinks and laughing at my jokes and I was a little drunk and I kissed him. He seemed really into it and we went back to his place and had sex. It was really good and he was complimenting me so much and I was kind of bummed for a minute that he’s not like some random guy but then the second it was over I left and haven’t answered his texts since and I’ve been nauseous ever since. I literally feel like the grossest person in the world. Idk if I just initiated this because no one here has really liked me and I was feeling desperate or what. I feel so guilty and I don’t know if I should tell my mom or block him or what. I’m going back and forth between having an anxiety attack and remembering like sexual things about him (wtf). I don’t know if I should transfer even. Sorry for the rant I’m in such a tailspin Should I cut him off? Tell my mom? Pretend it never happened and just distance myself? Try to go back to being friends? ####**Edit:** Thank you all for the great advice! Really talked me down last night haha. I texted him and we’re meeting up today to talk. Will update how it goes &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: I (20F) hooked up with my stepbrother (20M) and I’m completely panicking**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15hmsr6/update_i_20f_hooked_up_with_my_stepbrother_20m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, Aug 04, 2023* Firstly, thank you everyone SO much for the comments. Reading them calmed me tf down, especially hearing from people who either did this or know someone who did (who knew there are so many of us lol). You all made me realize the big issue isn’t that we’re stepsiblings because it’s not blood, but that if it goes badly we will be in each other’s lives forever. I went to the class that we’re in together this morning (I skipped it on Monday because I was freaking out) and after we talked. He seemed really nervous and stressed and was worried that I wasn’t ok. I told him how much I was freaking out (I even told him about this post haha). I asked him and he admitted that he did have feelings for me but was never going to act on them and was shocked when I kissed him. I didn’t tell him anything about my feelings but said I appreciated his honesty but it can’t happen again. He was ok with that and basically said he’ll do whatever I want going forward. I’m a little bummed because I WISH that he was a regular person (as in my good friend not living in my house during winter break) and I could give it a shot (part of the reason I think I avoided answering him for so long). He’s one of the kindest people I know and I’m obviously attracted to him. But the comments have solidified for me that it’s not worth it to hurt my mom and potentially cause a rift in my family forever, not when we can stop right now and stay friends. Some people were saying to just be FWB but I think we’re way too close for that and it would turn into dating so that won’t work. I do know this will probably be an issue with anyone else we date. However, I think it would have been an issue anyways - we hangout a lot, he’s always doing things to help me (picking me up at night, opening the doors for me, etc.) and obviously some of that will have to stop if either of us start dating someone else. For now we agreed to just stay friends like before and see how things go. As far as my mom goes, she really pushes for us to be a “family.” My dad isn’t in the picture and my stepdad has kind of taken on the role of dad with my siblings. I don’t think of him as my dad, but they do send me money every month, come visit me at school, and pay for my apartment, so I’m not exactly a full adult either free to just completely make my own choices. And for the people saying he got me drunk and took advantage of me, we were at a college bar (everyone was drunk), he was the same level as me, and I wasn’t so drunk that I couldn’t remember everything so I don’t think that’s the case. For people saying this is fake - it’s not, there’s plenty of comments showing how this happens more than I realized, and if it was I’m sure this update would be more exciting lol. We’re going to see how it goes, we’re acting normal for now, and I’ll update this update haha if anything major happens. Also if I did this update wrong someone let me know, this is my first time doing an update &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I (20F) hooked up with my stepbrother (20M) and I’m completely panicking

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15qrq5n/i_20f_hooked_up_with_my_stepbrother_20m_and_im/

15r3n8y

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/RoadIsland123 **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!toxic relationships, emotional abuse, gaslighting!< mood spoilers: >!tension, frustration, anger, sadness, realization, reflection, exhaustion!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA for walking out of the Airport when I saw my husband's mom standing there with her luggage?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unhse2/aita_for_walking_out_of_the_airport_when_i_saw_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, May 11, 2022* I F30 don't have the best relationship with my husband's mom. Since day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her ??. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her. So, Anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country - tourism in other words. Thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets). My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can't come. My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatum. said he wouldn't go if she can't come and I told him I'd gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say "FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won't take her". Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter. the day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him but he didn't respond. He lead me to the waiting area and first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage . I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging that's when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. he tried to stop me but I told him off the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there "anyway" and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home. I went home and sobbed into my dog's fur for several minutes. turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. an hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. he said that I was being so hard on his mom it's ridiculous. I refused to fight any more but he kept on berating me then called my family to tell them that the trip was cancelled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn't have ruined it for myself and should've sucked it up and done my best to enjoy. Did I really overreact? ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE AITA for walking out of the Airport when I saw my husband's mom standing there with her luggage?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ur2l3s/update_aita_for_walking_out_of_the_airport_when_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Mon, May 16, 2022* Hello!. I don't know where to begin...it's been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity. So for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband's mom favors him over all his siblings. this affected his relationship with them and me as well. He's never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going Low contact has never even been an option. Like he has to see her or call her everyday. Most of his siblings don't talk to him and I 100% believe it's because of his mom's favoritism like I said. He does bare some blame for not seeing how wrong this is till this day. In many instances I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaneously and I don't know why. But I guess it's because of how much I love him and because I really really wanted to be able to work things this type of things out without letting them affect our marriage. Regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to have a talk with me and most of what he said came from place of blame, Blame towards me. I just couldn't continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn't take it well, he literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then. In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just... made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that and I was like no...I can't do it, Can't take anymore of it especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I'm always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor. All these people's opinions, advice and concerns were like a spark...like the wake up call I really needed. Though I wish that it didn't get this far but what's done is done. Right now I'm staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well) He sent me his last message telling I'm the one choosing to end what we had together but I believe it's the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It's become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in reach and I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I'm not mad at him and don't expect him to change but... at least I'm given options to decide what's best for me and my future even if it's separation and divorce. A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for walking out of the Airport when I saw my husband's mom standing there with her luggage?

REPOST

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15r3n8y/aita_for_walking_out_of_the_airport_when_i_saw_my/

15rf6pl

Originally posted by u/separate_recipe_4077 in r/AmItheAsshole on July 10, '22 updated on Aug 8, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Homophobia!< Mood Spoiler: >!infuriating but happy and satisfying ending!< --- &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vw15fn/aita_for_not_treating_my_wife_like_an_equal/)** July 10, '22 &nbsp; **AITA for not treating my wife like an equal parent by telling her she has no say in the way I bond with my son and also calling her homophobic?** When I (37M) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that I had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. I wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. For the first seven years of my boys’ lives, I didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (They knew I was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons) When I was ready to move out, I wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so I had to take them (I didn’t want it at first but I’m glad it happened) We started bonding as father-sons, I started loving them and their love for me increased I remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while I wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and I often kissed their forehead. We’ve been doing this since they were seven. I met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4F), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. My kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. My boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while I wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and I’m watching TV. My son, Liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. I don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, I love them no matter what, I just want them to be happy and I don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable. My son visited me again last Wednesday (Since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) I was watching “Red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son Liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while I wrap my arm around him, then I kissed his forehead and said, “Good to have you back buddy”. We went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that It made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with Lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with Liam. I told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, I also called her homophobic. She accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus I said "that's ok because you are not" My brother says I should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. Am I in the wrong? &nbsp; *In the comments:* >My dad didn't look at me for more than a year after I came out and didn't speak to me for a few after that. OP: I find this to be the most stupid thing in this world, what ever my son does/doesn't do in his bedroom is completely up to him. The idea of disowning my kids for loving someone blows my brain out. >If Reddit says you're wrong, will you stop showing affection to your son? OP: As long as Liam is ok with it so am I. My issue is not "AITA for showing affection to my son?" I just wanted to know if I was too rude to my wife, if so I'd apologise but also set bounderies. >What happened to the mother of your twins? Does she stay in contact? OP: Well, it's a long story but I'll try to sum up. As she was a minor and the babies weren't given up for adoption, her parents paid child support for around 7 years. She could finish highschool and college though, after she finished college and got her first job, she started paying child support herself. She often asked me about the kids but was too ashamed to visit them (her words) but she could finally meet them when my boys where around 14, they have been building a relationship since. >Pleaser don't let your wife change you. OP: She won't, there billions of women but I only have three children that are my life. >Hey, OP, do we have an update? OP: We are not in good terms now, she is staying with her parents now, my little princess is with me though. My son comes first and I don't care how the fck she was raised, this is my child, my blood, my flesh. There are billions of women but I only have three children. *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Separate_Recipe_4077/comments/15l8j27/update_aita_for_not_treating_my_wife_like_an/)** Aug 8, '23 - 13 months later &nbsp; So, It's been a long time since my post went a little bit viral (I've even found it on Tiktok hahahah) and I've been getting some great support messages that I really appreciate, I wish I could reply every comment but I can't ,I just don't have time, but I want you to know that I really appreciate all of those nice comments, I just finished a project so I have time to update you all. After I posted on AITA for the first time my wife and I had some arguments because she was trying to prevent me from showing affection to my son, She tried to persuade me to stop showing affection to my son because that's probably what "turned him gay", I tried to just ignore her since I loved my wife and didn't want my princess to grow in a broken home but the finally straw was like two months after the post, my son, Liam was in town (as usual) and told me that he wanted to bring his bf to my house to watch a movie, and I was ok with it, I wasn't home at the time but when I arrrived Liam and my wife were arguing, she was even kicking him out, I tried to talk to both of them but Liam just left and told me he'd never visit my house as long as my wife was there. I talked to my wife and she told me that Liam and his bf were kissing (YEAH, LIKE FCKING NORMAL COUPLES DO) and that It wasn't right because that's not how she was raised and that´s why she found it disgusting so I had enough and kicked her out (I had the house before we got married) and made it clear to her that my kids will always come first. She left like a week after the argument to stay with her parent, I tried to contact Liam but he wouldn't answer my calls, and I didn't know where he was, then his bf came to my house to let me know that Liam was with him and told me everything my wife said to them, she called him f*gg*t, sl*t, etc and also told him that he being gay is the reasoned why his mom abandoned him, Liam had many insecurities growing up because he didn't have his mom in his life up until he was 14 and to that point (the argument) he hadn't even come out to her because he was afraid of rejection, so that hit him hard, I didn't confront her about this because she had already left the house and I didn't want more drama, I went to see my son, I gave my little boy a hug, a kiss and apologized for letting it get to this point, he should've never felt vunerable in his own house. Keep in mind that I posted on AITA around mid-July, we were "ok" like for two months after that, she left the house october 21st and we've separated ever since, we only talk about our daughter (who lives with me) we haven't divorced yet so technically she is still my wife, some men told me the are disgusted I picked my kids over my wife but guys come on, there billions of women in this planet but I only have three kids, there is only three of them, they are my life. my world and I would never choose anyone over them. Some people are meant to be spouses, I think I'm meant to be a parent and I'm happy with that, I'm not even trying to date anyone in the near future. So that's pretty much the update. Someone in the previous post asked me how my son's mother took the news about him being gay and she did great, it's not a problem for her which makes me happy ´cause my boy has a save and loving family that will always have his back. It's a little late so sorry if there are any mistakes, I'm not really paying much attention to grammar. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.*

AITA for not treating my wife like an equal parent by telling her she has no say in the way I bond with my son and also calling her homophobic

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15rf6pl/aita_for_not_treating_my_wife_like_an_equal/

15rhjq4

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwaway_lemon_ade **AITA for wanting to move out over lemonade?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Mentions of an eating disorder, verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15l0ydg/aita_for_wanting_to_move_out_over_lemonade/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 7, 2023** I (22F) moved back home to live with my parents two years ago. My family has always been very close, and my parents actually initiated my moving in so I could focus on building my savings. Everything’s been great: the house is huge, so no one’s living on top of each other, and my mom has been ecstatic over all her kids being home. I take care of my space as well as shared spaces, doing chores, etc. They’ve refused any rent or grocery money I’ve ever offered, insisting I save most of the money I make. My mom grocery shops for the house, and always asks each family member what they need from the store for the week. I always ask for a 12 pack of canned lemonade. They’re my weak spot, I have one or two a day. My mom has never had a problem getting it for me before. Recently though, she’s been resistant. Thinking it was about the money, I offered to give her the $5, and when that didn’t help I just started getting it myself, but she still glares at me when I drink it. I’ve kept asking what the issue is, but she just walks away and the next time I see her she’s changed the subject entirely. Things came to a head yesterday when I came home from work with some of my personal groceries, including lemonade. My mom lost it, crying and carrying on about how I don’t care about how anyone else feels. I’m at a COMPLETE loss, trying to calm her down, when she tells me if I’m going to continue with these habits I won’t do it under her roof. Hearing that, I admit I did snap a bit. I was hurt that she would threaten to kick me out for any reason, considering how close we’ve always been, but especially since I don’t think I’ve done anything even remotely wrong. We got in a huge back n forth, mainly with me demanding she tell me what’s so wrong with me drinking some damn lemonade and her sneering at me saying “you know!”. I eventually stormed off to my room, feeling torn. My brother came in shortly after to talk. He says he understands completely where I’m coming from, but is suggesting I do what she’s asking and just stop drinking the lemonade. I absolutely could, but at this point it’s sort of the principle. I know I’m living with my parents, but I’m an adult and feel I should be allowed to drink my preferred beverage whenever I please, especially if I’m now paying for it and going out to purchase it myself. It is just lemonade, but it goes both ways; my mom shouldn’t care about it either, because it’s JUST LEMONADE. If she’s insisting I stop drinking it or else I’m getting kicked out, I kinda want to take the initiative and just leave. I have plenty saved at this point. I feel bad because she’s my mom, she’s been so good to me and has given me the chance to gather the savings I now want to use to get away from her. I also feel bad for yelling at her; me getting worked up didn’t help the situation. AITA for how I acted, or WIBTA if I left over this? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **nformal_Ad9673** >Any chance she’s confused your canned lemonade for alcoholic lemonade and is worried you have a drinking problem? **OOP replied** >it’s possible but she’d have to be pretty clueless to assume that and since she generally isn’t, i don’t think so. it’s sold in the soda section, not the liquor section, and i’ve been drinking them since i was 19 in front of her [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway_lemon_ade/comments/15l9ay6/update_aita_for_wanting_to_move_out_over_lemonade/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **Aug 8, 2023** Sorry I tried editing my original post to include this and it didn’t let me, hope it’s ok to post it here instead. Ok guys, as mentioned in the comments I asked my mom if we could sit down tonight and have a calm conversation about what happened. My dad wasn’t home but I asked my brother to be there too as a sort of mediator. It was a long, emotional, draining talk and there isn’t a whole lot of resolution but it was very enlightening, finally. I expressed to her that I’m mostly concerned for her, since her reaction to something seemingly so small has been increasingly intense and it’s starting to affect our relationship. I expressed that I felt confused and sought clarity, and that I felt hurt by her threats to kick me out in general because that’s not the kind of relationship we have. I told her I truly didn’t know what was up with the lemonade, and practically BEGGED her to open up. She started getting teary, but was mostly calm. Here’s her side, apparently: in May, when this all started, she watched a documentary. They’re kind of her thing, and she watches a variety of genres. This particular documentary was about eating disorders. It discussed the culture/history behind it, the influence of social media, and the warning signs. My mom happened to see a lot of the warning signs in me and my behaviors. (I’m going to clarify here I do NOT and HAVE NEVER struggled with disordered eating, of any kind!). Some of the behaviors are as follows: she rarely sees me eat, I’m relatively skinny, I wear layers most of the time, I have an apple watch, and, of course, I drink low calorie drinks. Namely, ZERO-SUGAR lemonade, which I didn’t think to mention in the original post (but did include in the comments) because I honestly didn’t even think it would be relevant in any way. So basically, she’s been anxious this entire time that I’m withering away from an eating disorder, and every time she’s alluded or asked or demanded I stop drinking my (diet) lemonade, and I continue drinking it anyway, I’m being selfish, flaunting my disordered behaviors, and proving to her that I am, in fact, sick. That was… a lot to take in. I genuinely didn’t think it would be THAT. Never once occurred to me. I defended myself for every point she made, which I will make again here: I work at a restaurant, nearly every day, usually afternoon into the night, so I’m rarely home for lunch or dinner. I get free food at my job, and pretty much every server there eats at least one of their meals during break, myself included. By the time I get home, I’ll have a snack or something before bed since it’s late, and in the morning I sometimes have breakfast at home but a lot of times I’m not hungry in the AM so i just do my thing until I leave, usually around 12pm, and I pick up food with friends or alone on my way. I know it’s not the healthiest of habits, nor is it the healthiest foods, but I am definitely not starving myself or counting calories. But in my worrywart (love her though) mother’s eyes, she hardly ever actually SEES me eat. When she does see me eat, I also don’t eat large portions, but I don’t think that’s odd since I’m not a large person; I’m 5 feet and around 110 pounds. I wear layers because it’s the fashion I like, sort of a vintage 70’s grungey look. I have an apple watch for the same reason I assume most people with iphones have one, which is, why not? It’s my dad’s old one. Also, it’s helpful for when I’m at work since I can’t carry my phone around. I’m not tracking my steps or anything. And lastly, I honestly, genuinely, truly just LIKE zero-sugar lemonade. Has nothing to do with calories, or health reasons, I just like it. I used to drink regular, until they were out of stock one day so I got zero-sugar, and found I liked it better because it wasn’t as thick or syrupy. THAT’S IT. She cried, I cried, she apologized, I apologized. I’m not really sure where we go from here, since I can tell she doesn’t fully believe me. I’m going to make more of an effort to eat my meals at home, but I’m not going to pig out in front of her just to appease a generally unfounded worry she developed from watching a movie. I might also cut back on the lemonades since they’re clearly a trigger for her, and I need to drink more water anyway. Other than that, I don’t think I did anything wrong to now need to change my behaviors in an extreme way. I told her, and my brother seconded this, that she needs to stop holding this stuff in and just talk to people, because otherwise it creates misunderstandings like this and I honestly did feel very hurt by the things she said during our fight, and also with how weirdly distant she’s been treating me since all this started. My brother added that if I HAD been dealing with an eating disorder, the way my mom went about it wasn’t helpful and likely could’ve made it worse. She explained she didn’t ever really intend to kick me out even if I was sick, she just wanted to shock me into admitting I needed help or something. Again, still feeling hurt by all this, but at least I understand better now. I told my mom I’d be willing to try therapy if she does, and she said she’d think about it. I think she really needs it. I asked if she had personal experience with eating disorders, either herself or a loved one, to have such an intense reaction and she declined to answer so I think there’s some trauma there. Hopefully we can both work on communicating better in the future, and I specifically am going to start trying to see the root of her turmoils instead of taking her reactions so personally. I’m not moving out, or at least not because of this. If a pattern continues, if she keeps mistrusting me and lashing out or holding things in again, that might change. Thank you guys for all your advice! It honestly helped lots to know I wasn’t the only one thinking I was going crazy. I know a lot of people guessed she thought it was hard lemonade, which was my most prominent assumption before our talk, too. Just want to clarify I don’t drink, hate the taste, hate the feeling, and it makes me nauseous nearly instantly. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve had a night out surrounding alcohol or a mimosa brunch or whatever. Which I guess could’ve been why she would be so worried, but it wasn’t even related to that so yea lol. Super crazy few days, hoping for the best moving forward. I’ll try to answer any lingering burning questions in the comments if they come up! Night y’all ✌🏻 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for wanting to move out over lemonade?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15rhjq4/aita_for_wanting_to_move_out_over_lemonade/

15rhote

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Dragonflymeadow](https://www.reddit.com/user/Dragonflymeadow/). She posted in r/TwoHotTakes **Trigger Warning:** >!abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15j95um/i_think_my_friends_clumsy_boyfriend_is_purposely/)**: August 5, 2023** Trigger warning for domestic abuse So my(F26) friend Kay( F26) has been dating Andrew( M25) for almost a year now. Honestly until these last months I really liked them together and he has assimilated into our friend group really well. He’s been easy to talk to and is someone who I thought could be the perfect match to Kay. In the beginning Andrew has always been known for being clumsy, occasionally spilling on himself, tripping and sometimes just being an overall goof, we joked he was the poster child of a “himbo.” It started with a simple mistake, Andrew spilling wine on Kay’s outfit. He seemed so apologetic, and genuinely sorry. Then a couple days later at a potluck, Andrew bumps into Kay while she was bringing out a salad bowl causing it to fall on her foot and giving her a pretty nasty bruise. Again apologetic, but this time just rubbed me the wrong way. It seemed awkward the way he had bumped into her. Then their were just more of these “accidents”like ripping a dress when he was falling trying to catch his balance, dropping a bowl of chocolate ice cream on her shoes, and spilling an ash tray that landed all over her hair. All of this is just giving me a weird feeling, like why does it feel like his clumsiness is getting worse? Recently we were having a movie night, Kay was sitting on the floor and I had gotten up from the couch to get some more popcorn when I see Andrew walking over with hot tea, I’m thinking no way I’m going to have her get piping hot tea spilled on her by “accident”. So I get up and say “ oh thanks for grabbing this, do you mind grabbing me popcorn since your closest” he kindof gets a defensive tone with me saying “ yeah but let me give this to Kay first” I said “ no it’s not a problem I’ll give it to her!” as sweet as possible and took the mug out of his hands and gave it to Kay. He seemed kindof distant the whole rest of the evening. I talked with one of my friends in our group just about the tea drama and she said that Andrew might have been pissed off feeling like I was babying him. I think that if he’s been prone to hurting his girlfriend wouldn’t he want to avoid situations that could get her seriously hurt? Wouldn’t you want a friend to help you? Am I just overthinking this? I want to talk to Kay about my concerns soon because I’m really scared for her, I just want to be wise in how I speak to her because I don’t want her to take anything I say the wrong way. Any advice would be so helpful! Edit: Okay after a lot of comments I reached out to Kay, we’re meeting up one on one and I’ll talk with her then. I’m still figuring out exactly what I want to say but you have all been so helpful and I will keep you posted on how everything goes. **Update: August 6, 2023 (Same Post, Next Day)** hi all, This evening I got a text from Andrew, it seems my friend (who I’ll be referring to as Sarah) had told him about the tea situation. He texted “ hey, just wanted to reach out and let you know that I wasn’t pissed with you” I played it cool and just replied “ hey, no problem man just wanted to make sure all was good with you” He messaged me back that “ lol, yeah why wouldn’t I be” I left it alone after that. I reached out to Sarah and asked to how the story was relaid to him and she explained that it sort of came up in conversation. She had told him that I hadn’t meant to baby him and hoped I didn’t make him pissed by taking away the tea cup. Sarah is a fixer and I think she just wanted any conflict between us to be resolved. While I know she was coming from a good place I am a bit frustrated to have my words twisted into what she believes happened. I messaged Kay and we are still hanging out either early Monday or Tuesday. She seem to be fine with me. We had a quick call but she seemed less talkative which has me nervous. I really hope I didn’t screw everything up. After a lot of comments I’ve decided I’m going to be careful with my wording. A lot of you have pointed out Andrew could have a medical condition, while I’m a bit skeptical I will keep this in mind. Hopefully my concerns can be addressed in a way that flows with our conversation. Thank you all for your feedback even if some was harsh and to all who have shared DV stories I’m so sorry you had ever received any mistreatment, you deserve happiness and safety. I’ll be posting an update as soon as we have our talk or anything changes. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Clarification:* "He’s only being clumsy with her, in fact I’d say it’s become more focused on her." "Sorry should’ve been more clear in my writing, Andrew’s clumsiness while apparent was always self inflicted like a small spill or mostly tripping abit over his feet. It’s been only recently with his behavior it’s become more pointed towards Kay. Like he’s rarely been him being the injured or spilled on party, it’s now been only Kay." *Does he do it when she's particular proud of/happy in an outfit?* "The dress he ripped was her one of her favorites, and she had to go home early because it ripped in the cleavage area and she was more so embarrassed. The the ash tray being dumped on her hair was when she was wearing her hair natural, curly, when she mostly straightens it. But she’ll have her hair natural randomly and nothing happens" "Also he totally ruined her white heals with the chocolate ice cream" *OOP realizes something a few comments later:* "That’s something I’ve been thinking about and writing it all down I just realized, All the accidents have to do with her looks. Spilling on her outfits, bumping into her when she’s wearing a dress, chocolate ice cream on her shoes, those were white heels. I know that’s just speculation. Someone else said it could be a munchausen by proxy situation. Overall just solidifies that i just need to talk to her, which I am this week." "Also her reaction to these accidents is always quick to try to move on. She is somewhat introverted and doesn’t like attention so she’s just quick to say she’s fine and move on from it. She’ll tell Andrew that she forgives him and just to be careful." *This seems sinister because it seems like he's trying to see what he can get away with:* "That’s what has been hard, I’ve felt like I’ve been the only friend to notice. Like no one else seems to want to believe that Andrew’s doing this on purpose because we’ve known him to be this clumsy guy. I mean who wants to believe someone’s doing this on purpose." *Does this happen in front of others or also with just the two of them?* "From what I understand he’s always had these accidents in front of friends, not when it’s the two of them. And when ever it happens he gets really apologetic and he’s never laughed about it. But it just feels so weird like he’s being so over the top like he once said “I would hate myself if I seriously hurt you” I don’t know that just came off so odd to me for his usual character who typically a silly guy." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15m46dr/update_i_think_my_friends_clumsy_boyfriend_is/)**: August 8, 2023 (3 days from OG post)** Hi all sorry for the delay, a lot has gone on. So I talked to Kay this morning. I started off the conversation normal, when Kay says “ hey why were you concerned about Andrew bringing me tea?” I just say “I had noticed he’d been more clumsy lately and I wanted to avoid either of you of getting hurt.” Shes was quiet for a bit then asks me “do you think it’s odd how he’s been acting?” considering all your advice I respond with “ I care about you and want you to be safe, I don’t want to hurt you or Andrew but I feel like most of the accidents have come at your expense. I don’t want it to get to a point where you have a worse injury.” This is when Kay burst out crying like I have never seen. After composing herself enough to talk she says shes been so suspicious of how these accidents have been centered around her and how validating it was to have someone feel the same way. It’s been causing her a lot of anxiety and she felt so relieved when I took the tea cup away from him. She has tried to suggest to Andrew that he should go to a doctor, but he just says he’s perfectly fine. Kay is not confrontational so she just drops it. She said how recently Sarah, Andrew and her were all hanging out together. Sarah told Andrew I was so upset about how he was hesitant to hand me the tea cup, a completely different story from what Sarah told me. I have been more open with my emotions in my post due to my anonymity, but in person I was very casual about the situation. I said something along the lines of “ hey did you think I upset Andrew by taking the tea when I asked him to get me popcorn, I hope I didn’t come off rude.” Then Kay told me something really disturbing, how during this conversation Andrew and Sarah started joking about Kay being a “battered wife.” How ridiculous the idea would be if Andrew was really abusing her and some really dark jokes. This had Kay feeling like she was crazy to think that these accidents might be on purpose. Also they had said some things about me that made her so upset she couldn’t even tell me. Kay said she’s felt trapped, living with him and how he’s intertwined in our group. She felt like she needed to wait to have proof he was faking it to make it worth “ a bunch of drama.” I feel horrible that she’s felt so alone in this. I was pretty blunt and just asked “ do you still love him?” she responded “ I don’t, I think I don’t even like him anymore.” So we talked about the best way for Kay to leave Andrew, being as safe as possible. Kay called in sick to work and we went over to her house and talked with our friend Leah, her roommate. Andrew was out at work, so we quickly moved all their things into Leah’s room, she has a key to her door. Anything that was super sentimental to either of them we packed in my car. Kay is going to stay at my house and Leah wanted to stay with a family member who lives not too far away. Kay has written a letter to Andrew ending things, she is going full no contact. She set a date that she expects him to leave, he moved in with them so he doesn’t have his name on the lease. Our friends Mike and Corey will be staying at the house. This is to insure nothing will be damaged due to an “accident” also to let Kay and Leah know when it’s safe to come back. Thank you all so much for your advice, tomorrow I plan to go on a little shopping spree with Kay. Doing everything I can to alleviate her anxiety. So far we know Andrew has seen the note and is packing to leave. So far so good, If anything happens I’ll be sure to update you all. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Wtf is up with Sarah:* "This is what is so odd to me, I said Sarah was a fixer because she has always been the “ mom friend” wanting everyone to be safe and happy. I’ve never noticed anything between them, just normal banter we all have with one another. I just don’t know why she’s going to bat for him so hard." "We had a call we’re she was very mean to put it mildly, she was very angry at me, like I was the one who cause all this as well as some very personal attacks. I think Andrew is telling her something because this isn’t who I knew her to be at all. Or maybe she has always been but has simply masked it?" *Did Kay ever tell you what Sarah said about you?* "I told Kay vaguely about what Sarah said on the phone call and asked if it was similar and she confirmed. Being vague as possible, It has to do with my families issues with addiction and situations happening due to that. I had told our friends in confidence. Knowing she’s used it to weaponize it against me and has told Andrew has my skin crawl." *Other friends and their reactions to Kay and Sarah:* "Awe thank you, I’m so glad too. Kay is safe and we will do all we can to keep it that way. All of our friends ( except Sarah) have been a huge help in Kay’s healing during this time. It’s been amazing to be apart of and witness." "We’ve all since blocked her, her comments towards Kay and Me have not been tolerated by our group. Hopefully this is the wake up call she needs." *Safety:* "Luckily I found this comment again, cause thanks to this we bought one of those camera detectors, waiting for it to arrive still. They have 4 months left on their lease and are considering moving but nothing is set in stone. He’s already moved out and Mike and Corey had him hand over the key to the apartment. But we’re still waiting till locks are changed and the detector arrived to help Kay and Leah move back in."

I think my friends “clumsy” boyfriend is purposely hurting her

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15rhote/i_think_my_friends_clumsy_boyfriend_is_purposely/

15rm2gc

Originally posted by u/negativeastronaut974 in r/AmItheAsshole on Aug 1, '23 updated on Aug 8, '23. A 2nd Update was posted on Aug 16, '23 and will be below the 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15fugio/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_wont_be_opening/)** Aug 1, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for telling my wife that I won’t be opening the door for her creepy friend?** My (M41) wife, Becky (F39), is planning on traveling abroad to visit her sister and her family in the next few days. She'll be gone for the next 2 and a half weeks. Over the past year, my wife has become very good friends with our neighbour, Emily (F37), who lives a few houses down. Long story short, Emily makes me feel uncomfortable, and I think she's trying to make a move on me. At first, I thought she was joking, and I didn't think much of her behavior, but now it only makes me feel uncomfortable. Earlier today, Becky told me that she chatted with Emily and mentioned how she'd be going overseas for a few weeks. She said that Emily offered to come by and drop off some food for us (myself and our eleven-year-old daughter, Alice) from time to time. Becky was reluctant to agree, but after Emily insisted, she finally agreed. I was surprised that she'd agree to this without consulting me first, so I told her that it made me uncomfortable. Becky said that "Emily means well" and it would be rude if we were to refuse now. I said okay, but that she shouldn't be surprised if Alice and I "forget" to open the door every time Emily comes knocking. Becky said that I was being a jerk to someone offering us kindness. AITA? UPDATE - Early this morning, I spoke to Becky about my concerns regarding Emily's behavior. She said that Emily doesn't have any ulterior motives and only means well. She also brought up how Emily has her own husband and always tells Becky how great he is. For some more context, Emily is married, but her husband isn't home too much as he works in the military. When I asked if she could tell Emily that we don't need food deliveries, she said it would be awkward to mention it right before her trip and how it would only be once or twice a week. Another thing Becky mentioned that has only increased my uneasiness is that Emily had given her a spare house key "just in case of emergencies or anything like that." For those wondering, my wife is leaving a few hours past midnight tonight. Context - For clarification regarding the key. Emily gave my wife her own house key, but doesn't have the key to our home. Some more context: For those wondering what Emily does, I can tell you that she does a lot of unnecessary physical contact, like hugging me whenever she sees me, which didn’t bother me the first few times but increasingly makes me feel uneasy. Not only that, but she has made very suggestive comments in the past. I would also add that the way she dresses and her body language when she comes to our house seems to be a bit flirtatious. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >Have you ever communicated your issues with Emily to your wife? OP: I have once before (about a month ago). She didn't think much of it, all she really said was something along the lines of "that's how she is, but I don't she means any of it" >But it’ll make for very awkward moments if you don’t answer and she knows your home OP: This is why its such a pain, I really wish my wife didn't tell her about our plans. I guess my daughter and I will just happen to be "out" most days >Becky is blessedly naive. Trust your instincts. Never open that door. OP: She is very naive and sometimes just too nice. But yup, once she goes I'll be telling my daughter not to open the door either >Record her secretly if you can this way if she does make a move you can show your wife OP: Our house has a few cameras on the outside, so there's that . Based on the past few months, I'm fairly certain she's trying a move based on how's she been acting and what she has said. Maybe she is only trying to be nice and I'm overthinking. Nonetheless, the whole situation makes me uncomfortable . Off the top of my head, I can tell you that she is does a lot of unnecessary physical contact, makes very suggestive comments, and the way she dresses when she comes to our house when I'm home also makes me a bit uncomfortable. *Judgment: Not the A-hole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/NegativeAstronaut974/comments/15lhppu/update_aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_wont_be/)** Aug 8, '23 &nbsp; I would like to thank everyone who responded to my first post; I really appreciated your insights and support. I’ve taken the advice suggested multiple times in the comments and have installed a doorbell camera the day after my wife had left home. Fortunately, nothing had really happened so far, so I didn't really see much of a need for an update until recently. Without further ado, here is the update. For the past few days, things have been pretty quiet. I’ve been enjoying spending quality time with my daughter, Alice. She attends a summer day camp during my working hours, but we’ve been spending every evening (and the past weekend) together watching movies, going on walks, playing video games, etc. My wife, Becky, had planned on teaching Alice how to cook this summer, but since that is yet to occur, I’ve taken the opportunity. I think Alice is a natural; she picks up instructions quickly, and we’ve been having a lot of fun. The day before yesterday, our neighbor, Emily, came to drop off some food as she had told Becky she would. I did open the door as I decided to just accept once (to be polite), but I let her know that she didn’t need to worry herself with any other deliveries as my daughter and I would be cooking. She was acting normally, until the very end where she said something along the lines of “If there is anything else I can do for you, please let me know.” She said it in a very flirtatious tone. I thanked her and told her that I appreciated the gesture but reiterated that we would be able to manage on our own. She then said, “Well, if you ever crave anything else, just let me know. Just think of it as a substitute for Becky.” This made me feel a little a bit uncomfortable, mainly because of the tone she said it in. The next morning (yesterday), Alice and I were rushing to get to camp and work. Emily popped out from nowhere and started telling me how her driveway was being resurfaced, and she needed somewhere to put her car for the next few days. She asked if she could place it on our driveway, and I agreed (as Alice and I were in a rush, and because she dropped off food the previous night). As I was driving away, I was mentally kicking myself, as now she’d have a reason to hang around our house. Later that day, I was home doing some chores in our garage when Emily pulled up in her car, mentioning again how her driveway was being resurfaced. I could see that it was indeed the case. We had a bit of small talk, but at some point, she went into a tirade about her husband. She shared how she sometimes felt unappreciated by him sometimes and how they don’t get to spend time together. I didn’t say too much during this; only that I felt sorry she felt that way. I glanced at my phone and then pretended that Alice was texting me to come pick her up (it was close enough to her time anyway). I said goodbye and locked up my house. Yesterday evening was largely uneventful, and I’m looking forward to spending some more time with my kid. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >Good thing you installed that doorbell camera. Was it able to record what Emily said to you? What gross behavior from Emily. “I’m unhappy in my marriage so let me try and squeeze my way into someone else’s.” OP: The audio quality isn't perfect, but thankfully it did record what she said. I feel that she's just trying to make me sympathize with her. Whenever he's here, her husband seems like a nice enough guy. That being said, I guess I don't know what happens behind closed doors. >I hope you show your wife the footage of her making a pass at you! OP: Absolutely, I plan on showing it to her once she's back from her trip &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴🔴 [2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/NegativeAstronaut974/comments/15sn30z/update_2_aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_wont_be/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Aug 16, '23 **UPDATE 2 - AITA for telling my wife that I won’t be opening the door for her creepy friend?** I wanted to give a quick update on what’s been happening since my last post. Becky will be back in a few days (Friday night), and I didn’t want to disrupt her trip or make her worry, so I’ve spared her most of the Emily details until she arrives. From speaking with Becky, however, I have learned that her sister does not like Emily at all. Becky told me that she was pretty upset about the arrangement and that she thinks Becky is overly trusting. Aside from that, things have been largely quiet this week. Emily’s driveway has been completed, so she has taken her car back. I haven’t seen much of her since then. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for telling my wife that I won’t be opening the door for her creepy friend?

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15rm2gc/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_wont_be_opening/

15rtnh7

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Longjumping-Yak7968 **I told my brother that I wouldn't attend his wedding**  **Originally posted to** r/confessions **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Homophobia, family upheaval!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/15kot7p/i_told_my_brother_that_i_wouldnt_attend_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 7, 2023** Me (M25) and my brother (M28) have never had a good relationship and it only got worse after i came out as gay, luckily our relationship has gotten a bit better over the last two years. In those two years he met his fiancée. Me and her never got along because she doesn't like gay people in her mind we are sick. I had an argument with her once and she told me that i needed help because, in her words, i am "sick in the head and need professional help". It's not the only thing she has done and said to me but i don't want to get into details. So my brother came to visit a couple days ago. It was a surprise since he doesn't visit often. I let him in and we started talking. He told me he was getting married and i congratulated him. We talked for a while longer and then he tells me that he has to tell me something. I asked him what was wrong and he tells me that he wants me to attend his wedding without my husband and instead bring a girl. I asked him why i can't attend with my husband and he tells me that it is how his fiancée wants it and that i should accept it since it would only be for one day. We got in an argument and i told him that he shouldn't excpect me to attend since i wouldn't be there, after i said this he told me that i'm an asshole and accused me of not wanting him to be happy. He left and a couple hours later my mom called me. She asked what was wrong because my brother told her that we had a fight, i told her what happened and she told me that she would like to see me attend his wedding but that she understands if i don't. My father on the other hand messaged me telling me that i'm an asshole for hurting my brothers feelings but his reactions are nothing new. Honestly i want to attend his wedding because he is my brother and i love him but as things stand i will not go. Sorry if it is a bit long. Thank you for your time and have a nice day. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **milky_coconuts** >Honestly you shouldn’t go. Your brother doesn’t leave a woman who’s disrespectful towards his family (aka you). >Your relationship might have improved but honestly I don’t feel like it’s enough. >Now wanting YOU to come where you know his wife doesn’t accept you and he doesn’t try to defend you (even if I understand that he is kind of homophobic) it’s another thing. >And even have the nerves to ask you to pretends to have a girl ? You’re married with your husband for god’s sake. It’s not like he’s just your bf (even there I think it’s problematic), that’s not normal that you’re being asked to deny your sexuality to attend to a wedding. **OOP replied** >>I want to be there for him but i don't rhink it is worth it. Like i said in the post, his fiancée has done and said a lot of stuff to me and he only defended me once. I get we don't have the best relationship but it hurts that he thinks so little of me. >>Him asking me to bring a girl instead of my husband really hurt, not just myself but my husband too. It especially hurt since we invited his fiancée to our wedding even though she doesn't like us. My brother doesn't like that i'm gay, he accepts it to a point but i never thought he'd act like that. It just hurts. **abcdefthis** >>>Did they come to your wedding? Out of curiosity **OOP replied** >>>>They did but i had to basically beg my brother to come. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/15lw9xn/update_i_told_my_brother_that_i_wouldnt_attend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 8, 2023** I want to thank you all for your kind messages. I couldn't reply to them all but I've read them all, you guys are really kind, thank you. So i honestly didn't think about posting an update especially so soon but something happened today so i thought it would be right to post about it. After i made my post me and my husband had a talk and to keep it short he told me i could go if i really wanted to but i told him i didn't want to without him so that's that. Now for what happened. Early this morning i woke up to a lot of texts from family and even friends, they've been messaging me a lot after it all happened. I looked through most of them but i decided to not reply since most of them were bad. So the morning goes pretty good and me and my husband leave at 11 because we were going to watch his nephew's soccer game (he lost), after the game was over and we left we just had some fun. An hour after we got home my sister called me. I picked up and she told me she and our brother had a fight over what had happened. When i asked what happened she told me that she asked him why i can't bring my husband and he straight up told her it is because he is ashamed of me. After he said this they got in a huge fight and she told him she wouldn't attend either. We talked for a little bit longer and we promised to meet up in a couple days to spend some time together. I'll admit that when i hung up i started crying. I always thought my brother atleast had a little bit of love for me but i was wrong. I'm honestly planning on cutting him out of my life and if he ever wants to be back in my life then he has to show me he deserves it. I'm honestly a mess, i just want all this crap to stop. I hope he has a good wedding and that he'll be happy but i'm done. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I told my brother that I wouldn't attend his wedding

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15rtnh7/i_told_my_brother_that_i_wouldnt_attend_his/

15ry4wx

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The ban My Chemical Romance got its name from a book by author Irvine Welsh titled *Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance.* The book is a collection of three novellas written by Welsh. Content Warning: >!Workplace Accident, Fire caused by reckless endangerment!< Mood Spoiler: >!Frustrating, angering but fine in the end!< *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/faktnemamtucha *who originally posted these on* r/StoriesAboutKevin \- [**Kevin coworker sets office on fire**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fee0af/kevin_coworker_sets_office_on_fire/) **(Originally Posted March 6th, 2020)** So my coworker Kevin is overall funny guy, but sometimes I'm concerned that he lacks brain completely. Mostly he just does not understand basic principles and as soon as you finish explaining something to him he starts asking questions which you just answered. I have got quite used to this and conciliated with the fact that he is just not the sharpest tool in the shed. He has done during the one year I'v had the pleasure to work with him so far a lot of stupid things, but this one tops it so far. Today he almost burned down our office. I have found a candle two days ago so I decided to put it on my desk just like a decoration. Today the candle was almost finished and Kevin decided to be funny and tried to blow the candle out. I was protecting the flame with my hands which led him to this incredible idea. Got a can of compressed air and proceeded to blowing the can at the candle. Guess what is inside the can except the air? Yes, propellant. As that was not bad enough he was holding the can upside down. So before I was able to react in any way I felt a freezing/burning sensation on both palms of my hands just before he managed to turn the can into a flamethrower, burning all the hair on my hands, melting one of my monitors and setting a stack of paper invoices on fire. So yeah, that was fun. My monitor is gone, have to redo the burned papers and my hands after rubbing them with soap three times still smell like shit. But hey, the candle is out! HAHA \- **Relevant Comments** >I feel like I NEED to know Kevin’s consequences for this absolutely idiotic action. OOP: There will be exactly none. I wonder what has to happen before someone punishes this madman >Lawyer up then? I feel like if your life is in jeopardy and they don’t give him any consequences, isn’t that a failure on their part to keep you safe? Did you go to the hospital at all? I’m sorry that’s awful! What a dumb turd! OOP: Nah I'm ok. I do not have any burns, just got no hair on my hands. Not saying this could not end up way worse \- >I want to know at what point did Kevin realise mistakes were made? Does he understand what he just did or does he now think he has power to create flames. I bet this was a huge mind fuck for him. OOP: Nah I think he doesn't even understand the principle of consequences. Couldn't wrap his head around what I was so mad about \- >Aaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahha this terrible. I’m so sorry you got burned! Has he been fired for this? This is insane! OOP: Umm, nah. We work in an IT department and last week he got drunk, went to one of our chain restaurants and filled complaint with some stupid nonsense. Wouldn't be that bad but he used his corporate email. CEO reads those. No consequences, they just do not care enough I guess Edit: when I asked him about it he said that he thought it was funny and laughed. His actions are indeed funny in some ways, but not so funny when you gotta spend most of your time with this guy \- [**UPDATE: Kevin coworker sets office on fire**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fpug8l/update_kevin_coworker_sets_office_on_fire/) **(Originally Posted March 27, 2020)** Hello guys, so I thought I would give a brief update to my Kevin since some people were asking in the [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fee0af/kevin_coworker_sets_office_on_fire/) Last week our CEO's Macbook broke down. He is running windows on it so from our prespective it's just an abomination filled with permanent problems. But it's CEO you know, so you can't argue much. But Kevin decides to take the fate into his own hands and tries to convince our CEO into buying regular Windows laptop. This might be (un)fortunatelly the last straw everyone had with Kevin and you can guess what followed. Kevin got fired yesterday, so in two months we can all wave this guy a big good bye and ditch the bloodpressure pills. \- *Marked as concluded as Kevin was fired. I wish OOP the best.* &#x200B;

Kevin Coworker Sets OOPs office on fire

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ry4wx/kevin_coworker_sets_oops_office_on_fire/

15rypte

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/youtbuddcody **in** r/legaladvice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!threats of animal cruelty, self harm, mental health struggles, mention of heart attack, mention of childhood abuse!< mood spoilers: >!anxiety, desperation, frustration, helplessness, despair!< --- &nbsp; ###[**My Mom has my cat and has repeatedly sent threats all weekend claiming that she beheaded him. However, the police say the cat is still alive, and when I showed up to collect him, she refused to give him up. How can I get my cat back?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9u6h0i/texas_my_mom_has_my_cat_and_has_repeatedly_sent/) *Sun, Nov 04, 2018* Hello, For reference, I’m 23 and live in TX. My mom also lives in TX. My mom has a history of mental health issues, however, she was seeing a doctor and everything was straightening out. I moved in with my boyfriend and when we moved, the landlords refused to let us have a pet. My mom offered to take care of kitty, and she agreed that I can get him anytime I want to. We have a verbal and written agreements that Kitty is still mine, and she’ll let me get him whenever my living situation allows pets. Over the weekend, my mom had a mental break. She stole a bunch of her boyfriends stuff and mailed it to me to sell on eBay. When I refused to do that for her and sent the box back to her, she got mad. She sent me message after message explaining how she beheaded my cat and his head will be on my doorstep Monday morning. I also found out she quit taking her medication, and she went off in the deep end. I called the cops and animal control. They did a wellness check and to my surprise, Kitty was alive and healthy. After the cops left, she demanded that I come by her house and get Kitty, and if I don’t, she’ll behead him for real this time. So I went to her house and when I went to claim Kitty, she refused to give him up. I called the cops back out and according to them, since the cat has technically lived with her for more than 3 days, the cat is legally hers. I showed them our contract, her threatening messages, and showed them where she told me to get him. They said that they can only take custody of the cat if she actually harms him, and since he was still alive and unharmed, they said I’d need a court order to officially get custody of the cat. After I went home, she kept sending threats so I blocked her number. I ended up going to the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. Anyways. I don’t know what to do from here. All I know is, I believe her threats are credible and I need immediate custody of my cat before she actually crosses the line and actually hurts him. Also, my landlords are understanding of the situation and will let me house my cat. What do I do right now? I’ve had him since he was 2 days old, nurses him, and took total ownership of him. He’s now 10 years old and I just need him to be safe. &nbsp; ###[**[UPDATE] My Mom has my cat and has repeatedly sent threats all weekend claiming that she beheaded him. However, the police say the cat is still alive, and when I showed up to collect him, she refused to give him up. How can I get my cat back?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9vax8t/update_texas_my_mom_has_my_cat_and_has_repeatedly/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, Nov 08, 2018* Hello, First off, thank you to those who commented with helpful advice. I didn’t feel like advice to steal my cat back was ‘legal’ (thus, being in this subreddit), so I took one users advice to talk to the director of Animal Control in my mom’s city. She basically told me that the police have no idea what they’re doing, especially when it comes to law regarding animals. She said that the only thing I can do to get them to understand is to report my cat as ‘stolen property’. She said the police will understand what to do if a I reference my cat as ‘property’ and not an animal. I went to the police station and the police threw me around again. Despite I tried to report stolen property, they got upset at me and claimed that a cat isn’t ‘property’. After 5 minutes of arguing, they sent a cop out to the lobby and he agreed to read my mom’s texts. The cop read them and said that since she claimed that the cat is mine, and she told me to collect him, I can go to her house with a police officer and he will assist me in getting her to hand back over my ‘stolen property’. We get to my mom’s house and she’s not there. We look around the outside of her house and find no signs of Kitty either. I call her and ask her where she is, and told her that I was at her house with the police. She said, in quote, “I took the cat and ran off into Oklahoma and I’m not ever coming back.” The police said they can’t help me since they don’t have jurisdiction in Oklahoma. I went to the courthouse to file a small claims against my mom, but the filing fee is $171.00, so I left because I can’t afford it. On my way home, I contacted Adult Protective Services in one last ditch effort, but was on hold for over 3 hours. So I hung up and filed a complaint on their website. I also called my grandparents and they were the ones who tipped my mom off, which is why she ran into Oklahoma. My mom played the ‘poor me’ card, so my family bought into it. And somehow, I’m now the bad guy in the situation who is trying to murder the cat... When I got home, I cut everyone out. All of my family. I separated every single tie I had to them. I’ve had that cat since he was 2 days old, and if I’m being open about the situation, I was a victim of childhood abuse. That cat was the only thing who showed me love for most of my childhood and teen years, and it kills me I won’t be able to get him back. I ended up hurting myself and had a nervous breakdown, and now I’m getting help for my own mental health. This situation broke me, and right now, I’m trying to recover. Thank you everyone for listening. **TL;DR:** My cat is gone and I’ll never get him back. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My Mom has my cat and has repeatedly sent threats all weekend claiming that she beheaded him. However, the police say the cat is still alive, and when I showed up to collect him, she refused to give him up. How can I get my cat back?

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15rypte/my_mom_has_my_cat_and_has_repeatedly_sent_threats/

15rz0kd

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/throwaway3733339 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Infidelity, paternity deception, separation!< mood spoilers: >!Betrayal, sadness, heartbreak, regret, recovery, positive transformation !< --- &nbsp; ###[**My girlfriend just gave birth to our first child. I know I’m not the biological father and I revealed I knew as soon as she gave birth.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zfn9j8/my_girlfriend_just_gave_birth_to_our_first_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, Dec 08, 2022* I’ll try to keep this short because I’m planning to go to a bar soon. I found out when she was about 6 months along. The guy (Bryan) approached me at my work. “Are you Sarah’s boyfriend?”. I said yeah and ask what he wanted. He said he was sorry that he had slept with her and swore he didn’t know that she was with someone (I don’t believe that). He then pulled out his phone to show the texts between them. They had been sleeping together or “linking up” for at least a year. Then she found out she was pregnant and they came to an agreement to just pretend the baby was mine. In return, she wouldn’t lose her perfect life and he wouldn’t be responsible for a baby. I knew it was weird. We had been having problems trying for a baby and all of a sudden she got pregnant so easily. But he explained that he had been thinking about it and he recently became a Christian. He said that he couldn’t live his life knowing that I was living a lie while his child didn’t know their real father. So yeah. I told him I’d keep in touch, and to not say that he said anything just yet. I’ve had a lot of time to think but ultimately I decided to wait until she gave birth. To hurt her in her most vulnerable moment. I’ll spare the details, but she went into labor, baby was born, and was taken to the NICU to be monitored for a bit. What should’ve been a beautiful moment of me holding my baby, was the most heartbreaking time of my life. Just knowing he was not mine hurt me. Once she was sewn up and comfortable I started packing up my stuff to leave. She asked where I was going and I just told her. “I know I’m not baby’s name’s father. You can act all shocked but I know. Just ask Bryan to come, I’m positive he’ll sign the birth certificate”. Then I left. She’s been calling my phone over and over (even sending texts as I type this) and has even gotten her sister to call me a few times. It was hard pretending these last few months but I think I’m satisfied. I feel really really heartbroken though. I was planning to propose to her on the day our baby was born. I was gonna make her the happiest woman ever. Oh well. I'm going to go get shitfaced now. ####**Small update** *Added to original post* Head hurts, but I’m home and safe. I’ll clear up a few things Bryan is going to be in the baby’s life if it’s his. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m sure the kid isn’t mine. I’ll go get tested but me and Bryan have been in contact since last night and there isn’t a doubt it my mind. For those of you calling me a psychopath or whatever, I don’t really care. You’ll all forget about this post in a day anyway, while I’ll have to live with this shit for the rest of my life. What I did wasn’t amazing but I don’t care. All I ever did was treat her amazing and this is how she pays me back. If you think this is fake, go read something else. Doesn’t matter to me. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: My girlfriend just gave birth to our first child. I know I’m not the biological father and I revealed I knew as soon as she gave birth.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zwtdhp/update_my_girlfriend_just_gave_birth_to_our_first/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, Dec 28, 2022* Hi everyone. I just wanted to start by saying I would’ve updated sooner but it’s takes a bit to get test results back. I’ve also been working on myself in the time being. Thanks for all the support. I’ll cut to the chase. I am not the father. But I already knew that already deep down. Bryan and the baby are a match so that pretty much answers that question. He’s very excited to be a dad, even despite the circumstances. We’ve kept in touch this whole time and he’s actually a really great guy. Goes to church now, volunteers at shelters, etc. I’m not sure if we’ll continue to stay in touch after this but I wouldn’t mind getting a drink with him every once in awhile. I hope the kid does great in life. He should with Bryan as his dad. As for Sarah, around the time I posted she had asked Bryan to be with her officially since there was nothing to hide. As far as I know he has not taken her up on that offer and just wants to coparent for the sake of being in his kids life. I think that’s very smart of him honestly. Me and her have talked as well. We talked about where it all went wrong. She felt as though I wasn’t there for her fully and just felt unfulfilled. Which I understand. I wasn’t always the best guy but I treated her the best I could. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. She started crying and I did give her a hug but I made sure she knew it wasn’t cause I cared about her. She’s offered to stay friends and for me to visit if I want but I declined. I’m not really interested in keeping up with her and her kid but I did give her the stuffed animal I was planning to give “our” kid someday as a gift. She’s been staying with her mom, and has fully moved out her stuff. She asked me to keep her number but I blocked her the same day she finished moving out. So it’s just me now. I’m not gonna lie, my heart has been super heavy. But I think I’ll be okay. There’s a cute girl at my work and we’ve been talking. She’s a single mom and has been awesome so far. I explained that I wanted to go slow cause of my recent breakup and she understands. We’ve hooked up once or twice, nothing serious yet. I just wanna be by myself for now but I’ll likely give her a shot when I’m ready. That’s it for now. I’m depressed, but I’m working out now at least. I never want to talk to Sarah and will likely never see her again. It sucks cause she was such a big part of my life but that’s gone now. Thanks for all the support. I’ll answer questions if you guys have more. ####**Edit:** Just wanted to mention that I still don’t feel bad about what I did. I can tell she’s still hurting, but I definitely think it’s deserved still. &nbsp; ###[**NEW UPDATE: I’m the guy who waited until his partner gave birth before telling her I knew the baby wasn’t mine. Here’s how my life is going!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15l6rmz/im_the_guy_who_waited_until_his_partner_gave/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Tue, Aug 08, 2023* I keep getting DMs asking me to update so here’s one. Been roughly 8 months. Check profile for original story. No I don’t talk to Sarah. Screw Sarah. Haven’t seen her. Last I heard, she moved to 3 hours away with her mom to be closer to some family. I kept seeing her around town a lot so I’m beyond grateful she’s gone. She would attempt to have conversations with me sometimes in the first month after she gave birth but that soon stopped. As for Bryan, we text occasionally. And we did go out for that beer. He overall seems happy to be a father, but we don’t talk about Sarah. I don’t keep up much with him anyways. We’re both hardworking men with jobs, kids, and lives to live so it’s kinda hard to keep up. I don’t think they’re together at all but who knows. Speaking of kids, the woman who was a single mom that I started seeing? We’re still together. Her kid is awesome and I love being her stepdad tbh. So a big middle finger to those who told me to stop talking to her or that it wasn’t gonna work. It may seem like we moved fast but, at this point, I don’t care. I’ve never loved anyone more. We communicate properly, hardly fight, just so much fun. I initially was gonna cut all contact with her after falling off into a bad drinking habit but she really kept me grounded. I didn’t meet my stepdaughter for awhile, but when I did, I knew I couldn’t leave. Being apart of this little family has healed me in ways I literally can’t fathom. And before anyone says I just used them to deal with the trauma of not having my own kid, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m in therapy, I got my shit together, and most days I don’t even think about my ex. Hell, I even forgot about this damn account! Words cannot describe how much my life has picked up. Thank you reddit strangers for being there in the darkest time in my life. Honestly it helped. Hoping to propose to my girlfriend sometime in the future. That’s it! Bye. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

[NEW UPDATE] My girlfriend just gave birth to our first child. I know I’m not the biological father and I revealed I knew as soon as she gave birth

NEW UPDATE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15rz0kd/new_update_my_girlfriend_just_gave_birth_to_our/

15rzcqh

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** /u/schoolpnutbtr2828. **in** /r/legaladvice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!discussions of allergies, child endangerment, medical issues!< mood spoilers: >!frustration, concern, anger, relief, resolution!< --- &nbsp; ###[**Son has a peanut allergy, school continues to give him or allow him to get peanuts.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9x6enr/son_has_a_peanut_allergy_school_continues_to_give/) *Thu, Nov 15, 2018* This has been an ongoing issue since the second day of school, where he was given peanut butter crackers. We sort of brushed it off as a new school year, new students, teachers a bit frazzled dealing with first graders no real big deal. His allergy isn't really severe but still not fun to deal with and can potentially become life threatening. We had already informed the school of his allergy before the year started and even talked directly to the teacher about it because the default snack during the day if no other parents brought in a snack is peanut butter crackers. We even offered to purchase a special alternative for him, but they said it was unnecessary as they have other alternatives. So we figured the issue was over when a few weeks later it happened again, this time they claimed he grabbed another students snack and ran off to eat it before they could stop him. Now my little one can be a little bit of a hard head and I can potentially see this happening so again we talked to him about peanuts and how dangerous they are to him. He continued to adamantly deny doing that and said Mrs gave them to him. We then decide a meeting with the principal is in order, not to blame the teacher or accuse her of lying but to hopefully get this under control. Again a few weeks of no more issues, then it happened again. Once again the story is "he grabbed it and ran off and ate the whole package before we caught him". Okay so a 6 year old managed to grab an unopened package of crackers, elude a teacher and an aide and eat the whole package before he's caught? He's crying and swearing to us he was given them, and after so many incidents we have to start believing him. Another meeting with the principal and teacher gets us a "Do not worry! This won't happen again". We have another long sit down with our son to explain that even if it's given to you, ask to make sure it doesn't have peanuts or other nuts in it. Then, the very next school day (the meeting was on Friday) he's given another snack of peanut butter crackers but this time he asks if there is nuts in it and then he's given the alternative. We figure it kind of sucks that the kid has to be the adult right here but at the end of the day he's learning to ask about nuts. We send an email to the principal detailing the issue and say that the next stop is the school board if he is given peanuts again. We get a response back "if he's asking now what's the problem? He should have known to ask to begin with. We are teachers not parents." We have no issues for a while until this week. Some parent brought in PB & J sandwiches for snack time and he was given one. He forgot to ask about nuts but thought "it was only in the crackers". We find out the parent was aware of a nut allergy in the class (it's on the parent snack sheet) and brought in just a jelly one that was made separate from the peanut butter one's. He was not given this one. We spent a day at the hospital. We've had endless talks with him about nuts and do our best to teach him but some of the blame has to be on the teachers here right? Do schools not have an obligation to deal with allergies? The school lunch seems to have zero issues with this and has never given him a nut when there are several things on the menu rotation that contain them. He gets a special tray that was no where near any nuts. This is in Indiana, any help is appreciated. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: School kept giving our son peanuts even though he is allergic. Lawyers are expensive...**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/autm4i/update_school_kept_giving_our_son_peanuts_even/) *Tue, Feb 26, 2019* The past 3 months have been long and expensive but it's finally resolved. Now I can't go into a lot of the details after but I can go over some of the details that happened during. We contacted a few attorneys and finally found one we were comfortable with and then the fun started. We first sat down with the principal and teacher with our attorney and he didn't say anything except he needs to talk to someone else and not us. Our attorney then began collecting documents and statements/affidavits from our pediatrician, another doctor and even got another opinion. Then he began having us get documents from the school, some of which they said we couldn't have but our lawyer assured us we could have them. So he sent the school district some nice letters and a few phone calls later we had everything. Talking to our insurance and the hospital was the easiest part of this entire thing which I thought would be more complicated and our insurance even offered their attorneys services to our attorney which turned out to be quite helpful with some of the other issues that came up along the way. He spent about a month going over everything, talking to doctors, getting more statements and reaching out to other parents etc. During this time our child was moved from his normal classroom and placed in a special needs classroom. Something we did not agree to or with, our child has no developmental problems and an allergy hardly is a special need. So our lawyer then starts having us request more documents, same act with the school and he had to send off letters and phone calls to get the new stuff related to him being put into a special needs classroom. The lawyer began sending letters about how the school district is punishing our child with the move to a more restrictive classroom and a different curriculum and magically the next day he's back in a normal classroom. Finally after 3 months of mostly playing the game with the school district getting them to give us the paperwork and requests they are legally required to did we all finally sit down with the school districts attorney and our attorney. Now I can't go into a lot of the details but I can tell you they settled without us moving onto the next step of having our meetings in a courtroom. Lawyers are expensive, and so are hospital bills. I just hope all of this doesn't make our child a target for the rest of the year. We are going to be moving and changing jobs over the summer hopefully. Thanks for all your help and advice guys and girls, the plans everyone brought up for us to look over was incredibly important because we already had them on file with the school. &nbsp; ***PS:** This is a repost. [Original BoRU here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iwh98y/ops_son_has_a_peanut_allergy_and_their_school/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)* **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Son has a peanut allergy, school continues to give him or allow him to get peanuts.

REPOST

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15rzcqh/son_has_a_peanut_allergy_school_continues_to_give/

15setga

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Jullthrowaway **I [18F] have discovered my brother [20M] has been stealing my bras and ejaculating on them** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!incest, sexual harassment/assault!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15k1hbf/i_18f_have_discovered_my_brother_20m_has_been/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) **Aug 6, 2023** I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and a bit sick at the moment, so please forgive me if something doesn't come across clearly. This all began around three months ago when I realized that a few of my bras were missing. I didn’t think much of this, thinking they might have ended up mixed with my sister's laundry or misplaced during the wash But earlier today I noticed that my favorite and most comfortable bra was missing. I wanted to wear it so I searched throughout the house. I checked my sister's drawer but it wasn't there. I looked through my mom's drawer and I still couldn’t find it. I decided to search through my Dad's and my Brother's drawers just in the chance they had somehow ended up there. While there was nothing in my Dad's drawer, at the bottom of my Brother's drawer, I found my bra, but also all the other missing bras. To my utter horror, each of them was clearly stained with dried semen and I wanted to throw up. The disgust I felt was overwhelming, and even now, I still gag thinking about it. It's just so disgusting especially since it's my own brother. I've attempted to confront my Brother through texting hand calling him but he’s ignoring me, because he has definitely seen my messages. He's spending the night at his girlfriend's place and will be back tomorrow. I tried to talk to my parents about this, but they don’t care, they said that I’m an adult, I should handle it with my brother on my own. So, it seems I'm left to deal with this situation by myself. I'm overwhelmed with feelings of violation and disgust, and I'm at a loss for what to do. I can’t move out , I'm currently without a job and dependent on my parents for money. I’m at a loss I don’t know how my parents just don’t care and I’m honestly scared for when my brother comes home, the only person here for me is my sister who thinks my Brother is a disgusting creep. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated because I don’t know what to, I don’t think I can bear to look at my brother I just feel so disgusted. How do I go about confronting my brother? is there any way for me to feel safe in my own house again? TLDR I discovered my brother has been stealing my bras for 3 months now and ejaculating on them, parents are no help and I don’t know what to do **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Square-Switch-7087** >I wonder if you could file a police report. 🤔 **OOP replied** >>After reading the comments I’ve realized this is the best course of action, and as much as I might not want too people have recommended taking pictures of the bras and keeping them as evidence [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15mxcli/update_i_18f_discovered_my_brother_20m_has_been/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 9, 2023** First of all I’d like to say thank you for all those who gave advice and reached out it really meant a lot and it helped so thank you. I felt pretty shit these past few days and everyone here made me feel less shit so thanks, here’s my update I took steps to leave my home I managed to move in with my grandparents who live nearby, I’m going try to secure a job soon so I can move out and support myself. My Grandparents were appalled when I told them about it my parents and brothers behavior and they were completely on my side. I feel much safer here. needless to say my grandparents are pissed at my brother and especially my parents for responding how they did, my Grandad even keeps ranting on and on about how shitty my brother is and how my parents failed me, he’s very angry about it. I also texted my Brother’s girlfriend the pictures of the bras and my explanation and although she never responded, I’ve heard from my sister that my brothers girlfriends broke up with him. I haven’t spoken to my family since I’ve left, I left without a goodbye and I blocked them on all social media but I’ve still been in contact with my sister who gave me a basic rundown of what’s been happening in the house. My parents are apparently very angry about me leaving and according to my sister they keep saying that I was “freaking out over natural behavior” and in what world is that natural behavior?! That just baffles me. Apparently my brother has been holed up in his room barely leaving it, and has been really quiet I don’t know much else about what happening with my family besides this. I also took the advice to file a police report which I have done today and my grandparents helped me do, nothing has come of it yet but I’ll update if anything does come from it. Once again thank you to all those who reached out to help and to those who commented, it really means a lot and words can’t express how much I appreciate it. Its been a tough couple of days but I’m doing the best I can be. Also a special thanks to my sister and grandparents who have been there for me a lot these past few days. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I [18F] have discovered my brother [20M] has been stealing my bras and ejaculating on them

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15setga/i_18f_have_discovered_my_brother_20m_has_been/

15sewr8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted]** **My husband wants me to quit my job because of a customer.** **Originally posted to** r/Marriage **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/15lj8f0/my_husband_wants_me_to_quit_my_job_because_of_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 8, 2023** I(f41) have been married to my husband (m36) for about 2 years. Together for 5. Two children 2&3 I run a cafe with my sister and it’s located in a very popular neighborhood with lots of office workers. There’s also some type of “day center”(I’m sorry, my English is not very good so I don’t know the proper terminology if I use offensive words tell me and I will edit it). This day center is for people with different kinds of disabilities. They do simpler types of work. There’s a boy or maybe around (25-30m) with Down syndrome that works there. Every morning, his taxi drops him off at 7:30 and he comes to our cafe and take a breakfast and coffee and sits on the same table facing my work station. He doesn’t say much just smiles and ask how I’m today what my plans are. He refuses when my sister or one of the girls helps him, it must be me. If I’m busy he waits until I’m available. Then he starts his day at 8. We close at 4pm and at 3:30pm he comes again and sits on the same table until his taxi comes around 4 and usually I give him a soda or a smoothie on the house. Apparently when I’m not working he gets very confused, stays for a while without understanding I’m not there and then leaves without eating. My sister and her wife were invited for dinner with me and my husband. I was home sick the week before so she was laughing and telling us about the boy and how he refused to be served by any other and just waited outside for me. My husband was confused so my sister explained everything about this customer. My husband was silent the rest of the dinner. When they went home he asked me why I never told him about this customer and that he thought that the guy was being disrespectful. Asked if he knew I was married. I was confused to why he would say something like that. Then he became angry because I said that he had Down syndrome and he meant that there are functioning people with this syndrome and that I was the prejudiced one not him. I told him that I was aware of that but this boy in question seemed and appeared to be much younger and when he started, one of the people working in the day center noticed his behavior and came to check if he was making us uncomfortable and explained that he had the mind of an 8 year old and is creature of habit. At the time we told them that he was very polite and pleasant to have as a customer. My husband wasn’t happy about it. Next week my husband showed up at 7:30 and took that exact table the boy usually takes. When he came he was very flustered and didn’t know what to do so he just stood near my work station with his sandwich and coffee in hand. I asked him if he wanted me to help him find another table but my husband was very angry and told the boy to respect me because I’m a married woman and to not come and stare at me again. The boy apologized and he just left and waited outside all confused. I was heartbroken and begged my husband to apologize and to leave the table because the boy is a creature of habit and doesn’t really like changes. He said he didn’t care because obviously he’s in love with me. (My sister told my husband about how I got a valentines card last year). When I got home my husband said that he makes good money and we don’t need my income. He had contacted my sister to ask her to take over my share of the cafe because I didn’t need to work. He said he was most disappointed because I never told him about my customer or the card he given me so I must’ve thought it was out of line. But it wasn’t like that at all, it’s just that I get hundreds of customers every day and I don’t have to tell my husband about all of them. He said it wasn’t the same as someone who’s in love with me. Being in my cafe every day and sometimes when I’m alone. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/15mo3xv/update_about_my_cafe_im_leaving_work_for_now/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 9, 2023** Hi! I’m from yesterday about my husband who was upset a customer with Down syndrome. I have shown my husband this post and he thought that I wasn’t fair relaying the story. He didn’t know what the guy’s (let’s call him Jimmy for convenience) condition was so he just didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of a guy waiting for me every morning so he wanted to check who that was. Then he was angry because I ignored his feelings when I tried to help Jimmy find another table Now he has promised to apologize to jimmy because I told him that he was very scared today when he came to our cafe and didn’t know if he could sit on his usual table or not. I have talked to the “teacher” at the day center and explained everything and apologized. Apparently Jimmy has been reluctant to attend the day center and has been calling in sick. It broke my heart and I was so angry with my husband and told him everything about it. So he will apologize to Jimmy when the teacher deems it appropriate to. About my work. My husband does make good living and yes but I don’t want to sell my share to my sister even though she wants me to. I own 65% and I love my cafe. But to meet my husband halfway, I will be hiring someone to take over my work and I could still be owner and a stay at home mom. My husband agreed to this and is very happy about it. He has also apologized for calling my work a hobby **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Ellie-Bee** >Are you going to be happy being a stay-at-home mom if you love your cafe? I know you are trying to find a compromise, but you shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. >Your husband was way out of line and I’m glad he will be apologizing to Jimmy. But you didn’t do anything wrong in this situation, so why is a job you love on the chopping block? >Whatever you decide, I hope you will be fulfilled. You seem like a kind person. **OOP replied** >>I will miss my work but I will try this if it makes my husband happy. If I feel miserable I can go back to work. My husband talked about a year contract. I will try it **teachmehowtoduchess** >>>Your husband wants you to sign a contract on this??? **OOP replied** >>>>Yeah, with the employee that takes my place. In case I want to go back to work * **Jenilion** >I would look at my husband very differently if he chose to treat another human the way yours did. **OOP replied** >>I told him that I do. Because it’s true. He regrets it and says he will try to make it up to me **petmama1234567** >>>He regrets it so much he’s insisting you stop working there **OOP replied** >>>>I know it sounds bad. But I will try his way and see if he is happier but I know I have my job any time I want it. >>>>But he knows that I’m shocked and turned off by his strange behaviors and he promised he will make it up to Jimmy. He genuinely regrets what he did especially when I told him that he’s been calling in sick and acting carefully * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My husband wants me to quit my job because of a customer.

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15sewr8/my_husband_wants_me_to_quit_my_job_because_of_a/

15sf9jj

Originally posted by u/personal_magazine_37 in r/AITAH on Aug 4, '23 updated on Aug 7, '23. A small update was added on Aug 16, '23 under the 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Cheating, contol & isolation, Mental health!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15i02tx/aita_for_giving_my_girlfriend_a_ultimatum/)** Aug 4, '23 &nbsp; **AITA For Giving My Girlfriend A Ultimatum?** Throwaway, I only made this for this exact thing & from this I’ll plan what I’ll do with this relationship. I(21F) am in a relationship with Tyra(20F) we’ve been together for a year now. Tyra had a previous relationship where the woman she dated truly was not lesbian but since coming out was a new thing in our town, her ex just did it for some stupid trend. While they dated, Tyra’s ex was cheating with men which one of those flings became serious, ex-gf ended up spilling everything & left Tyra for him. This left Tyra with some issues. I feel like her issues are to the point where she needs help. I understand her pain, & done everything in my power to make her comfortable, I constantly show her off, buy expensive things for her, I allow her free roam to check my phone, when I’m out with friends & she needs me I’m there before we’re off the phone…Id literally give the clothes off my back & the food out my mouth to this girl. A week after our 1yr mark Tyra sat me down, I assumed it was because we’re planning to move in together. She started off really sweet to summarize she said her feelings were strong & she could see us spending the rest of our lives together BUT she has some rules which will make her feel “comfortable & secure”. Here’s the rules: - She wants me to FaceTime her every time I’m “supposedly” on break at work - I can’t have any guy friends - I can’t hang out with any of my family friends who are men. INCLUDING my childhood bestfriend (Literally since diapers, our families are immigrants since they’re Asian & we’re African, our cultures have some similarities so our families practically merged when the elders met after landing in the US. Cutting contact with him would rain hell on me, plus he’s my brother I’d never hurt him like that) - Lastly, unless the guy friend is gay or trans I can’t chill with them…she also needs proof they’re actually gay(????) I looked at her with a dead face, & I said “No…If isolating myself from guys in general & my family makes you feel secure then I guess you won’t feel secure Tyra, do what you need with that information” then I left. I didn’t see her for two days after that, during that time her mom & sisters called me try to get me to “see from her point of view” I told them they were stupid for enabling her “pOiNt oF vIeW”. Tyra asked for us to talk a while after, I told her we could text as I’m pretty hurt & don’t want to see her face. This is exactly what I said: “You have no right to control me or what I do, I am not your ex I have been dating women since I was 15. We’ve been together for a year now, aren’t I trustworthy? Have I ever let you down or disappointed you? Now I have one rule…You get therapy, & I’m not bluffing when I say just as fast as you say no…I will have tinder downloaded & my Facebook status back to single” I also told her she didn’t have to respond right away, I’d give her some time to herself. Tyra is now making posts about “Unfaithful people”(I’ve never cheated on ANYONE so I don’t know who that’s for), partners who aren’t focused on making their partner comfortable(I’ve done enough), there so much more too. She hasn’t responded to the message still because everyone knows I don’t bluff. My family is on my side, after the whole thing about cutting contact with my bestfriend they don’t like her now & want me to break up with her…I’m leaning towards that. However, I guess she’s told some of her friends because they’re harassing me. They said partners don’t give ultimatums to each other & if I actually cared for her I’d just go along with everything & give her some time to heal, with time everything will get better. One of them even said I must be talking to a guy on the side because I wouldn’t be going “so hard” about this. I think I’m just standing up for myself, I’ve never been in a relationship where someone has past relationships that were so bad so I don’t know if I’m just being insensitive. AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* >*comment about feeling trust in a relationship* OP: That’s all I really wanted her to feel, I’ve always told her whenever she’s down I’ll always be here to pick her back up. It honestly feels like she’s telling me I’m not trustworthy after all the hard work I’ve put in showing her that I love her. My hearts broken but I’m just getting to the point where I won’t stick around & allow someone to treat me like I’m a cheater when I haven’t done anything wrong to her. I’m praying I have the type of love you have later in life. >Hol’ up…her friends said partners don’t give ultimatums to each other, but…isn’t that what Tyra did with her rules? OP: Yep, “It’s different” because I didn’t go through what she did. They(Her & Her friends) also agree I should lose contact with straight men but she has guy friends, that’s “different” too. In the end what’s expected of me is to lose contact with men excluding coworkers just until she heals but still no response to my last message about therapy. Based on the past few comments, it’s official My relationship is going in the trash now. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15l5ew3/update_aita_for_giving_my_girlfriendnow_ex_a/)** Aug 7, '23 - 3 days later &nbsp; I just want to give a update & thanks to everyone who gave advice I sincerely appreciate it. The day after I posted, I took some of your advices to help me break things off with Tyra. I texted her, informed her that due to the post she made we were not fit for eachother…I also added that I loved her & hope she still goes through therapy to help with future relationships. My mom & I had a talk, she decided it would be best for her to give Tyra her things just to ensure nothing turned for the worse(My mom house is actually a family home that all my bestfriend & my elders live in together so she felt it was better if Tyra got physical) I texted Tyra one last time telling her she could pick the few things she’d left over the year at my moms place & my mom would be there to hand it off to her. I blocked her after because she begin to blow my phone up, calling more times than I can count. The next day in the evening my mom called me when Tyra came to pick up her stuff, I heard some screaming from Tyra she was yelling that my moms the reason I was breaking things off which is not true. My mom listened to me & ignored her, sat the stuff down & went back in the house locking the door behind her, she legit started banging on the door & sat outside the house for 30 minutes saying she wasn’t leaving till she talked to me because “none of this is like (My name)”. My mom called the cops, they got her off the property & told her if she came back that would be trespassing so they’d have to arrest her. From what my friends have shown me Tyra is on a rampage (Facebook Lives & several posts about me) she even found my first post on here & made a post about me telling people who have “nothing to do with our relationship”. She’s been deleting comments where people are telling her she needs to stop. Tyra has made some threats concerning my life, but my uncle is a veteran & has good connections with our local police station as well as some connections with judges who have said if she tries anything even stalking my place or my job it’ll be grounds to get a restraining order, if she goes against that then there’ll be legal consequences. As of right now my friends have kept her on Facebook & just take screenshots of any concerning post in case I need them. Oh & I also was contacted by Tyra’s ex, she seen the drama on Facebook, a post my friend made(Just talking about Tyra’s past relationship) caught her eye…Turns out she never cheated, she broke up with Tyra due to her abuse, you guys were right…with her ex, she first started off with cutting off guys, then women, & after a while she started isolating her from friends/family. Ex started dating other people but Tyra made a lie that they were still dating when she started seeing others…She’s bisexual, whadda know Tyra is just crazy.(I’ve been given permission to share this) Again Thank you to everyone for the advice, I appreciate it deeply, I hope life gives the best it has to offer to all of you! &nbsp; *In the comments:* >How are her fiends and parents not seeing how crazy she’s acting?! She needs profesional help, and help now before she does something crazy. OP: From what I was told by her ex, they were even okay with everything happening in their relationship with her being isolated from her family. It’s crazy to me, I was shown some reports that were filed by her ex, what she tried with me was only the tip of what happened with her last relationship & Her ex has a restraining order on her that will expire soon. >I would add security cámaras to my home, and dash cams to my car. Just to be safe! Does she know where you live? OP: She does, but I’ll definitely take that advice & see about the cameras tomorrow! &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 [2nd Updatein a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15l5ew3/update_aita_for_giving_my_girlfriendnow_ex_a/jwhguau/) Aug 16, '23 Hey, I am good. I have court in a few weeks to get a restraining order, then I’ll be going to small claims court to get a settlement on damages shes done to my car. I have surveillance videos & also she stupidly went live (deleted it now but my mom was able to screen-record it). I’ve ended my lease with a fee of course but I’m back at my family home so everything is well now. Thanks for asking! &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as they have broken up* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA For Giving My Girlfriend A Ultimatum?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15sf9jj/aita_for_giving_my_girlfriend_a_ultimatum/

15sryyn

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/phwg_ in r/TwoHotTakes** trigger warnings: >!sexual assault of a minor, sexual trauma!< mood spoilers: >!sad!< --- &nbsp; [**my sister cried when she knew i had lost my virginity**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15l9l7k/my_sister_cried_when_she_knew_i_had_lost_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - August 8, 2023 sorry if i have poor grammar English is not my first language i (19f) and my litter sister(14f) have always had a somewhat close relationship. she has always been my rock. she's a pretty teenager girl, calm, caring, understanding and cool to be around. due to the environment which she grew up, my dad cheated and our parents divorced (she was only 3 when that happened) she's something like grow up before ages. her words and actions have always very careful, like she's a real adult. there was a time she used to bring friends home, once i accidentally overheard she talked with her friends abt she wanted to be in a relationship but without sex, sister also show negative react when she see or hear something or someone being intimate. the thing is, i caught her watching porn a few times before, none of the times i caught her she was pleasuring herself, always just her watching it with a straight face, no expression. to the main story, i came visit home after two years far away to attend college, i stayed at my hometown for a week or so. last night, when me and my sister ready going to bed(we share a room), we talked about random stuff then suddenly she asked if i had sex, i answered honestly yes with her, i mean, im already 19 and a college student couldn't miss out all the fun, right? after my response my sis just silently stared at me then both of us went to sleep. i was thirsty and woke up in the middle of the night, the first thing i saw was my sis laying next to me, turned her back at me and face the wall. i could see her body trembling and heard her sobbing quietly. i didn't move, js keep laying there and watched her, i don't think she ever noticed i was awake. i was so surprised and confused, i don't understand why would she have such a reaction like that??? &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User:** > >My first thoughts were that maybe she was assaulted... I really hope that's not the case, but keep an open mind and try to get her the help she needs if it is &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User:** > >She’s 14, confused, hormonal and sounds like she may have mental issues with sex (it ruins relationships) give her a bit of time to feel feelings and maybe when she is calm ask why did it upset you to find out I’ve had sex? listen non-judgementally, it could be that she needs therapy to help process her feelings towards the divorce and sex. &nbsp; [**UPDATE-my sister cried when she knew I had lost my virginity**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15m8qgc/updatemy_sister_cried_when_she_knew_i_had_lost_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - August 9, 2023 i was hesitanted to talk to her cuz sum of yall said it wasn't clear if she cried bc of me but i still talked to her anyway. so i sat her down and confronted her abt it. i said i heard her cried last night and i wanna know why the fact that i have sex upset her, she denied it at first but then when i keep asking she teared up and said she didn't know why, she js did. again, some of yall said the divorce might affect on her in some way so i also asked her. as gently as i could i asked if what happened in the past still disturbing her, she was silent then i keep comforting her it's okay and im here for her if she need. eventually, she told me it might thats when i asked her if she remembered anything and if she could tell me. she told me. long story short, my dad used to take us to meet his mistress and my sis STILL REMEMBER till this day. she said there was a time dad only took her to meet his mistress bc i wasn't around. she slept there that time and got woke up by some weird noise. she was semi-awake at that point and when she half opened her eyes, she could see the familiar figures of my dad and the mistress NEXT TO her, now at this point we all know what this shit abt. yes and yes, they were having sex when his 3 YEARS OLD daughter sleeping next to them, LIKE WTF?? GO FUCK SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE BATHROOM OR SOME SHIT??? as soon as she opens her eyes, they immediately stop and the mistress cuddles her a little made she fell asleep again. she said she never knew what i actually happened but already aware of it when she was young but as soon as learned abt intimacy she immediately understood what it was. now yall this is the most fucked up part someone's comment said she might've been assaulted so ofc i asked her abt it. she told me to stop right after that then left the room without any answer. ok at this point we all know something isnt right abt this shit, im not gonna let it slide but im not gonna keep going for now. what should i do? should i talk to some adults now? or should i just wait? &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User 1:** > >I’m worried that your sister has been sexually assaulted, but you should not push her to talk about it. Let her know that you’re here to talk if/when she’s ready to, and that you will support and believe her. After that, let her open up on her own. Pressuring her will only make her shut down and likely will cause her more harm than good. > >>**User 2:** >> >>Ok but also, what she saw may have traumatized her but she may not feel it counts because she just saw it, without being directly touched (I know someone like this). I'd make it clear that whatever she experienced (assault or witnessing sex at too young of a developmental age), you're there to support her. I'm just saying this so she isn't in the odd position of having to be like well nothing happened but this is such a hard topic for me (which is where she may be if she hasn't encoded witnessing sex at age 3 as inappropriate) &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User:** > >I wouldn't bring other people into this until she's ready if something did happen to her. Reassure her that you're there for her and affirm that your love for her won't change, no matter what, and make sure she knows you love and support her as best as you can. > >>**User:** *(replying to themself)* >> >>Forgot to say that the rest of that shit is fucked to hell, holy crap. I'm sorry but your dad and mistress are going to hell for doing that right next to a 3 year old. &nbsp; **NEW UPDATE** - added on August 20, 2023 &nbsp; [**UPDATE 2-my sister cried when she knew I had lost my virginity**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15uq3dd/update_2my_sister_cried_when_she_knew_i_had_lost/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1 ) - August 18, 2023 thx yall for all those advice. i rlly appreciate it but i choosen not to tell anyone abt this if my sister aren't ready it been a while since i sat her down. i talked to her today, tbh it didn't go easy. a alot of tears, hesitation and frustration had been going on but then i finally got her words. i did push her a little, i knew it wasn't right but if i didn't she might never had told me. turn out my sister didn't get assaulted but she got touched in inappropriate way by our step-father. this started a few years after my mother remarried to our now step-dad(lets call him K) my sis said everything started when she was at grade 3, K stayed at home a lot this time bc his work got in a little trouble. K would usually call my sis, come close to her, hug her and bring her to sit on his laps, etc then then will touch her in inappropriate way, he will touch her on her chest, butt, all over her body. she was a little back then but she also found it weird but never thought abt it much. eventually, times pass and she grew up but things with K never stop, K would make it into accident like they bump into eachother, in a small place together etc. my sister never said anything abt it, part bc of she wasn't sure, part bc she didn't want to ruin our mother's marriage. then one day things got to breaking point. K came back one day in drunking state. my mother was upstairs in her room and my sis in the living room watching Tv by herself. K came in the living room and sat next to her, nothing happened at first but then K suddenly pull my sister closer and bring her to his laps. my little sis, my poor girl was suprised, shocked and panicked but she still tried to play it cool. she tried to make small talk, tried to pretend stupid to escape but he held her tight, very tight. then his hands again roamed all over her body. at this point, she start to yelled at him to let her go but didn't help. then his hands on her chest, rubbed it. (FUCK YES THIS DISGUSTING PIG DID THAT). after a few moments with a lot of her struggled, he let her go then passed out on the couch. after that day, she scared to get home, scared to get assaulted bc now she knew she wasn't delusion. then i asked why she didn't tell mom and she told me the most unbelievable shit i ever heard. eventually, she lived like that for years until she was in grade 7. one day when she went to her bsf(now ex bfs) house for a sleep over, she decided to tell her bsf abt it. she told her bsf not to tell anyone and that she trust her very much to let her know. this mf i ran to her mom telling her every shit my sis told her after the sleep over and her bsf's mom at the time was one of our mother's familiar customer. she told my mom abt it. later that day, my mom came home and confronted my sis abt it. my sis was hesitanted, denied but mom didn't believe her and pushed her to spit it out. soon, she broke down crying and told her everything, but our mother didn't believe(TF?). sis was shocked, frustrated and hurt so bad, she keep insisting it but mom still not believe her and called K to come in and asked, ofc K denied do anything like that to her and mom completely on K's side. she start to talked shit abt how well she knows K, he was a good person, never do things like that etc. sis said she didn't remember how things went after that(idk but i think its some kind of mental issue) but remember she couldn't sleep and went to the living room just to see mom sat there crying. sis felt completely guilty, at that moment all she could think that she was the one in the wrong and she may have broken her marriage, her happiness. she approached mom and tried to hug her but she push her away. things ended that night with mom said horrible things to her, both of them cried and K came to comfort them(fake ass mf) not long after that my sis moved to live with our dad and me. i never know why, but now i know. i was shocked, furious. i couldn't believe crap like this happened. i never knew how much things my sis had to go through while im there thinking we had the most perfect life. im now laying on bed, typing this with my sis in my arms. she had been crying a lot, almost uncontrollably. it took me lots of time to comfort her too but she's asleep now. i was having a hard time keeping myself not to cry in front of her, i didn't want her to get worried, she had enough. idk im tears rn it's so hard to keep myself whenever i think abt my sis accept lived like that js to keep my mom in her delusional happy marriage. in the end she still doesn't want mom struggles to find another man to treat her right and she begged me not to bring this up with anyone again. yes, BEGGED! idk what to do now. i will take my little girl to therapy soon but other than that irdk what to do. sry for the long post but im struggling. pls give me advice, need help! &nbsp; *Because OP has asked for advice but did not yet share the outcome, this is be marked as ongoing.* &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

my sister cried when she knew i had lost my virginity

NEW UPDATE

Ok-Donut3656

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15sryyn/my_sister_cried_when_she_knew_i_had_lost_my/

15swcs1

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/TIFU_motherinlaw **in** r/tifu. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!NONE!< mood spoilers: >!surprise, Embarrassment, awkwardness!< --- &nbsp; ###[**TIFU by getting in the shower with my future mother in law**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/g4u8qj/tifu_by_getting_in_the_shower_with_my_future/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Mon, April 20, 2020* This actually happened about thirty minutes ago, and I still can't process it. So my fiancée and I live together in our house, and because of the whole quarantine thing, she was worried about her mother being all alone, so we invited her to stay with us, and she agreed. A bit awkward at first, but she's good company and passed the awkward stage within two days. Yeah, so I woke up this morning, and my fiancée wasn't in bed, but I could hear the shower in our bathroom. Feeling a bit frisky, I decided to join her and maybe play around a bit. Got fully naked and ready to go. I opened the door, and the speakers in the bathroom were playing music, and then it hit me. Maybe I should tiptoe in and seductively start kissing from behind like in the movies. It looks hot there, so maybe it'll be the same in real life, right? So I stealthily made it into the shower and wrapped my arms around 'my fiancée'. When she screamed, I just started laughing (second wrong move) and said in a deep voice, "it's just me, baby," and tried again. It was only when she shouted my name and told me to get the fuck out I realized that it was actually her mother. Since I'm a slow idiot, I just stood there for about 5 seconds just staring at her as she covered herself before apologizing and running out. I'm sitting in my car in the garage right now typing this, and I still don't know where my fiancée is or why the fuck her mother was showering in our private bathroom instead of the house bathroom. So that's my life right now, and I don't know how I'll live through this. **Tl;DR:** I woke up and thought I should join my fiancée in the shower but it turned out to be her mother. My life is over. ####**EDIT** I didn't realize it wasn't my fiancée sooner because both of them literally look like sisters. Her mother doesn't age at all, and they share the same hair color and body type (for lack of a better word). &nbsp; ####**UPDATE** *Added to original post* After spending the past hours across the street with my friend building up confidence, I finally went back home and found both of them sitting on the couch. I first went up to kiss my fiancée and greet her, but she sort of turned her cheek as I came (I was bloody sweating bricks at this point) and said something around the lines of "So my mother says you two had quite the morning." Holy shit, I can't even explain how scared I was since they both looked serious, so I just started explaining my side of the story. When all was said, they both kind of looked at each other then broke into laughter. Apparently, her en suite's shower had terrible pressure this morning, so my fiancée said she could try ours. So basically, we're back in the awkward phase, and her mother can barely look me in the eye, and though my fiancée says she's fine with it and understands, I can tell she's a bit angry/disturbed by the fact her mother and we saw each other naked and also that I didn't realize it wasn't her sooner. Needless to say, I'll never surprise my fiancée in the shower ever again. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

TIFU by getting in the shower with my future mother in law

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15swcs1/tifu_by_getting_in_the_shower_with_my_future/

15swd5b

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/DizzyPen1006 **in** r/confessions. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!family conflict, physical abuse of a minor!< mood spoilers: >!nervousness, disappointment, distress, regret!< --- ###[**I’m Telling My Mom I’ll Be Taking Off My Hijab Tomorrow**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/uzopkj/im_telling_my_mom_ill_be_taking_off_my_hijab/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, May 28, 2022* I (17F) am telling my mom tomorrow that I'll be taking off my hijab. I’m really nervous about this, but I’ve already thought it over and discussed it with my therapist. Additionally, I have a place to live if things go wrong. I feel like this is the best time to tell her because I just graduated high school. And the day after I tell her, I’m leaving on a week-long trip with my (non-Muslim) grandma. My parents already know that I don’t believe in Islam anymore, but I still lead an Islamic lifestyle per their request. So, I feel like telling them this will be the final blow for them. I feel really bad because I know this will tear my mom apart, and when I graduated she expressed how proud she was. I don’t want to disappoint her 😞 But I want to do this for myself; I'm just feeling nervous about it though. ####**EDIT**: Thank you, guys, for the support. It truly means a lot to me. It's difficult feeling isolated within your own family, but having support from others really helps. I’m going to tell my mom before my flight on Monday evening. The thing is, I’ve been wearing a hijab since I was 7. I haven't a clue how to take care of my hair or make it look presentable. It’s also really unhealthy and dry, with breakage and a severe cowlick. I made the decision to get a pixie cut tomorrow morning! I have a feeling my mom will be all the more upset that I cut my hair to take off my hijab. But I guess this is a technicality I didn't think through too much 🥲 I will post an update ASAP :) &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: I Told My Mom I’m Taking Off My Hijab**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/v13anl/update_i_told_my_mom_im_taking_off_my_hijab/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Mon, May 30, 2022* Everything went terribly. I am extremely distraught and cannot stop crying. I’m supposed to leave for the trip in an hour, but I haven't packed at all, and I don't even know if I have to pack hijabs or not. To begin, my hair looks terrible. I wanted a pixie cut, but the hair stylist gave me a bowl cut. I feel and look ugly. I told my mom the news last night, and before I spoke to her, I told her how much I love and appreciate her. I thanked her for all that she has done for me and clarified that what I’m going to tell her will be disappointing but still something that I want for myself. When I told her I’m taking off the hijab, she was quiet and looked me in my eyes for a few seconds. I was really nervous and couldn’t maintain eye contact. She asked me if I was just planning to go on that plane without it on. I told her that that’s what I want to do, but I was still going to run it by her first. She then told me that I’m an extremely selfish person and that I’ve never had to beg on my knees for God since I’ve ‘never needed him.’ She said that my life has been so easy, and that’s why I choose not to believe in God. I clarified that the reason I don't believe in Islam is because that religion violates human rights and has many scientific fallacies. I don’t believe in Islam because of that and not because I think I’m all high and mighty. That’s when she began yelling with her finger in my face. I got really scared because I honestly thought she might hurt me. She said that I just can’t get over what happened to me in the past, and that’s why I ‘hate’ Islam. I never said I hated Islam; I’ve always said I just choose not to believe in it. The ‘past’ she’s referring to is when I liked a guy and was INNOCENTLY texting him. We just had casual conversations for a day or two, and nothing inappropriate happened. In fact, he acted like he didn’t even know me at school. My parents found out and flipped their shit. I got taken out of school abruptly, no phone, and was completely isolated. I remember sobbing outside my mom's door begging her to change her mind because her taking me out of school was because of my stepdad’s influence. When she finally had enough, she choked me against the wall and yelled spitting in my face how I disobeyed God. So, when she was yelling at me again and coming close, I thought that she might hurt me like last time. She said a few other hurtful things and stormed out of my room. I was really scared and locked my door, but I still couldn't sleep because my parents have my room key. In the morning, my mom didn't speak to me at all. So, I called my grandma and told her what happened. She COMPLETELY switched up on me and told me that I’m a minor and I have to do what she says. The only reason I felt like I could take off my hijab was that I thought my grandma would take me in if anything happened. And that’s what she previously told me. She told me that she supports me and I could live with her if things got rough. But now that it counts, she went back on her word. So, I told her that, and she said that it was out of her hands and I just have to talk to my mom. So, I contacted my therapist and told her everything that happened between my mom and grandma, even expressing how badly my hair looked and how everything was falling apart. She apologized about what happened and asked if I wanted a session on Wednesday. I told her I’d be gone by then, and I guess to ‘lighten’ the mood, she texted me that “I could always go back to the hijab” and to talk to her when I get back. I have absolutely no words. I feel like everything is caving in on me. My supposed support system came crashing down, and I really regret saying anything at all. This was all a bad idea. I’m supposed to leave in an hour, but I just can’t stop crying or get out of bed. I haven't even packed yet. I really regret all of this; it was a terrible idea. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I’m Telling My Mom I’ll Be Taking Off My Hijab Tomorrow

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15swd5b/im_telling_my_mom_ill_be_taking_off_my_hijab/

15swdjx

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/rodrigkn **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!inappropriate behavior, reference to sex offenders, online sexual harassment, unsolicited nudes!< mood spoilers: >!Mild discomfort, awkward, resolution!< --- ###[**AITA for telling my drywall guy to stop bugging my babysitter?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hip54w/aita_for_telling_my_drywall_guy_to_stop_bugging/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Tue, Jun 20, 2020* We are doing some house renovations and so workers are in the house. Today two guys were putting up drywall in the living room while our babysitter is playing with our daughter in the family room while I’m working in my downstairs office. I hear the drywall guy asking personal questions to my babysitter until her answers started getting short and her tone changes. IE: Guy: So where do you live ? Her: North of here Guy: Yeah but where? Her: It’s kind of a weird spot That’s when I finally walked upstairs and told him, “What is this? The census? She’s watching my kid. Let her be. “ I thought I did it in a joking manner but I guess it came off harsher than I intended. My wife promptly informed me I was an asshole to the guy and the babysitter had it under control. I get that white knighting is a thing and that I may be out of touch with where I should be putting my foot down so I leave the verdict all of you. Am I the A-hole? ***Comments*** >**Deliriums_BabelFish** > >Make it clear to these drywall workers that you are the homeowner and if they need to speak with anyone while they're working, they can speak with you. There was no reason anyone needed to be interacting with your babysitter unless they were in the way or needed to move to a different space. > >In this case, I don't think you were "white knighting." You could tell from the way she was being vague in her answers that this was a conversation she didn't want to have. White knighting also typically comes with some sort of "repayment" expectation. You weren't asking your babysitter to take a pay cut or babysit a night for free or anything because you intervened. You made it clear that you could hear what was being said and thought she was getting uncomfortable. > >If you're still worried, let the babysitter know that you were pretty sure she had it under control, but you can also use the whole "dad instincts" excuse too, that you felt that "checking in" might have helped the situation. >> >>**OOP** >> >>Thank you for clarifying the white knight concept. I thought it was when you step in for someone and it belittles them because it assumes they were incapable. I try to keep up with these things but I feel like I still screw it up too often. >> >>I’m offering to move the TV upstairs into the nursery so she doesn’t have to deal with people coming in and out. That way we work around the awkwardness of it all. I feel like an idiot for not doing it to begin with. >> >>Thank you for your input! ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; ###**UPDATE** *Added to original post* We spoke about the situation at just before she left. I apologized to her for the weirdo and let her know he won’t be back. To quote her, “The thirsty ones never get the hint.” The most eye opening take away from this was when she told my wife and I, “If you think that was bad you should check out my DMs”. Her instagram messages are from people who should be put on the sex offender registry. Guys offering her $700 a week to hold them, guys she has never met offering to buy her plane tickets, and straight up dick pics. How are dick pic people not out on the sex offender registry? It’s just street flashing with less effort. It’s insane and it’s apparently just a norm with the way she brushed it off. My wife is deflecting from whether I’m still the a-hole but I’ll take what I can get. In her defense, even the babysitter noted that while my comment was funny, my tone was actually straight up yelling at the guy. It’s a give and take like anything in this world. Anyway, thank you all for your input and here is to hoping the “thirsty” ones get a job which has them work from home and off social media. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for telling my drywall guy to stop bugging my babysitter?

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15swdjx/aita_for_telling_my_drywall_guy_to_stop_bugging/

15szvoy

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/DaddyDorr94 **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!scamming, lying, verbal abuse!< mood spoilers: >!sad!<   [**My (M28) Wife (F26) has scammed multiple people, and lied to me about it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15knkyp/my_m28_wife_f26_has_scammed_multiple_people_and/) **- 7th August 2023** So about a week ago, I got this Facebook message from some lady saying that my wife scammed her out of some money shipping baby clothes. I went to my wife about it before talking to the lady, and my wife said "I've never seen this lady in my life, she's just trying to get you to send her $30." She then went on to block the lady, and that was that. Well this morning I got a message request from a different lady saying how my wife scammed her out of $120, and sent me screenshots of her and my wife's conversation and transactions. I unblocked the other lady, and she also sent me conversations and transactions. And apparently THERE ARE OTHERS. So I now have 3 ladies in my DMs with proof that my wife scammed them out of money, lied to them about having a miscarriage, and saying she was on bed rest and couldn't. (She's at work as a bartender rn, she's not on no damn bed rest) The thing that irks me the most is how quick she was to lie to me and block the lady. It didn't feel right, but I thought oh well, she wouldn't lie about something like this. Now I'm just sitting here wondering how much more she's lied about, and don't feel like I can even trust her. My wife doesn't know I have all of this information, any idea of what I should do next?   **Comments** *Her reaction is a bit sus. She just said “I’ve never seen her before. She’s trying to get money from you”? I’d be all WTF? Who is this? Why do they think that??? Give me their details so I can clear this up.* *I’d put a hold on my credit and check all my accounts TBH. If it turns out she’s really doing this I’d find and attorney divorce. If these people are genuine victims and they found you they can find your friends, family and employer.* >Her reaction was what drove me to believe these people. Took my phone and blocked this lady and denied denied denied. Buuut from the messages this lady had with my wife, I fully believe my wife scammed her. And on top she LIED to them. Said I shipped their packages, lied and said she had a miscarriage and had to be bed ridden, and basically just tried to play the victim the entire time when she had no intentions of giving this lady her stuff. (Even “sold” her some clothing she already gave to somebody else) &#x200B; >It wasn’t that odd to me either, but how quick she was to block the lady is what I found a bit suspicious, buuut I didn’t do anything bc I believed her. Apparently the OG lady made a post on some moms group fb page and that’s how they all found me. PLUS like a week ago, my wife just randomly deleted her Facebook account. And it lines up exactly for when the OG lady threatened to make a public post about my wife &#x200B; >They paid her on a PayPal, that isn’t her actual PayPal, she’s at work rn, but I’m going to try to do some digging into that later, buuut basically that whole Facebook group has my wife on a “no sell list” bc this isn’t the first time this has happened apparently. (The OG lady who contacted me invited me and showed me the public post she made shaming my wife for what she did) &#x200B; *Talk to her about why she's doing it and what else she's lied about, she should be worried about the police too* >I don’t think she’ll be honest at this point. I got invited to the fb group my wife sold this stuff in, and they have a whole like 3 posts talking about how she’s on a ban list, and she’s cheated people out of money etc. &#x200B; *If someone told my husband I was scamming them, I would be out of my mind! I would certainly want to get to the bottom of it!!! I would turn into Sherlock Holmes, figure out what happened, make public posts about a scammer stealing my identity, and figure a way to put an end to all of it. Seems a little odd, the way your wife brushed it off and just blocked them on your phone. Wouldn't you want to clear your name if that happened to you? So I agree it seems a little suspicious how she is behaving, I donno though.* >I fully believed her at first! She’s given me 0 reason to not. Buuut through further investigation I completely believe it. There’s a whole moms group on fb that swaps baby clothes and they have her on a no sell list bc she’s done this sort of thing before apparently. Makes me really question what else she’s lied about &#x200B; >I was worried about that too! Which is why I didn’t go to my wife first. But after investigating most of the day, I believe my wife absolutely was the bad person here. They have her banned on this moms group bc she’s done this before apparently &#x200B; *liars lie. this wont stop at facebook scamming, and it is only a matter of time before it hurts you much more directly.* >That’s what I’m worried about. I work out of state too, so she would have plenty of opportunity to “lie” to me and I’d never know &#x200B; **All Updates come from comments in the post.** &#x200B; [**He needs to talk to a lawyer so he can be prepared if the police get involved.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15knkyp/comment/jv6j8j6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 7th August 2023** I completely agree, and have taken those steps already! Pretty much ready to be done after the day of digging I’ve done   [**Update Everyone**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15knkyp/comment/jvdqe1s/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **9th August 2023** I confronted my wife with all of the evidence that’s she 1000% did this including the money trail, and had my phone recording everything and a hidden security camera going to watch it all, and she still denied it all. And then told me I was a “joke of a husband” for not believing her in this whole ordeal. And she continued to berate me for about 45 minutes, and say just awful things. Anytime I would bring up a point she would just dismiss it and continue to gas light me. So I’m taking my 2 year old daughter, and going to my buddy’s house for the rest of the week. &#x200B; **Comments** *I am so sorry this happened to you. Honestly, I am in these Facebook groups and see women scamming all the time.. it's sad that it is affecting you. I hope for the best outcome for you and your family, whatever that may be.* *I hate those type of people, they are horrid. Many are getting sued and partners are suffering for it. Even though your wife is the one doing it, they can come after you too or you may be stuck with the financial burden of her losing small claims cases. What she's doing is sick. I'm so sorry* &#x200B; **Flairing as Ongoing as we might get further updates** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My Wife has scammed multiple people, and lied to me about it.

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15szvoy/my_wife_has_scammed_multiple_people_and_lied_to/

15tc00m

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Florida became a state on March 3rd, 1845. It was the 27th state to become part of the USA. The next state to join the USA was Texas on December 29th, 1845. Content Warning: >!Cheating, Alcohol and Drug Use, Descriptions Of Sexual Acts, STDs!< Mood Spoilers: >!Positive for OOP and her sister!< *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/Radiant_Fail *who originally posted these on* r/AmItheAsshole [**AITA for asking my sister WTF she expected to happen at her shitshow of a bachelorette party?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15gqspa/aita_for_asking_my_sister_wtf_she_expected_to/) **(Originally Posted August 2nd, 2023)** For some reason my (F32) sister (23) and her fiance (25) decided that the very best way to celebrate before getting married was to have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. At strip clubs. They also hired a bus limo for the evening. The aftermath was, thus far, three breakups, four people dropping out of the wedding party, one impending divorce, and one arrest. The cleaning bill for the limo was more than the original rental fee also. She was crying to our mom at dinner the other day and I snorted. I tried not to I honestly did. I was trying my best to just keep my mouth shut. She asked me what was so funny. I said that I wasn't sure what she expected to happen getting a group of people drunk, using illicit substances, and getting horned up watching exotic dancers. She said that I was an asshole for judging her and her friends. I said I wasn't judging just that literally anyone could have seen that outcome. My mom told me to apologize because my sister is having to replace most of her wedding party on the fly. I did. But I still think I'm right. AITA? \- **Relevant Comments** >YTA. That sounds like a party that so many people could have had a good time at and not ruin anything. Blaming the party and not the people makes you sound like a prude, no offense. Sucks that your sister is dealing with that before her wedding. Maybe like support her unless there is something missing here that makes you not the asshole. OOP: I was at the party. I went to celebrate with my sister. I managed to not get fucked up and wreck my relationship. >Okay, and why is this your sister's fault exactly? OOP: I never once said it was her fault. I said that anyone could have seen it coming. \- >INFO: is there anything other than the overall party plan that made this likely to be a mess? Did they buy a bunch of coke and order sex workers, too? > >Because there’s no actual reason a group of adults can’t go to a strip club, get tipsy, have a nice time and not descend into chaos. > >Edit to add: YTA. OOP: Fine.The maid of honor and her boyfriend did not break up.The other bridesmaid who is married was in an Eiffel Tower with two of the groomsmen. One groomsman has dropped out along with the bridesmaid. Her husband has left her because I guess this isn't the first time.The other groomsman in that group has no fucks to give and will be attending.We are lucky that by the time the cops showed up everything illegal had bed taken, eaten, ingested, or swallowed.I stayed mostly sober and stayed with my sister all night so she could party and not do anything too stupid.My husband also attended and I had tasked him with keeping an eye on the groom. He decided the best way to keep the groom out of trouble was to get his pants shitting drunk. Which he accomplished with the only casualty being some underwear, a sock and a pair of Levi's.The bus/limo came out as the worst victim in this whole debacle. It needs a biohazard cleanup and maybe some upholstery replaced. My dad is pissed.After reading the comments I went to see my sister this morning and gave a more sincere apology. She asked me to be the matron of honor and I accepted.If anyone here is free Saturday we still need someone to sing The Rose during the ceremony since my cousin is currently persona non grata.I only know about the breakups from hearsay but suffice it to say that getting a group of friends who have a lot of sexual history together and giving them drugs and alcohol then taking them out to see naked people is a terrific idea IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK. &#x200B; >Uh…so one of the people who majorly contributed to things going so poorly was your husband? OOP: My husband got the groom drunk and out of trouble. >Do you really think your sister appreciated him getting the groom so drunk he shit his pants? OOP: The groom wasn't arrested, didn't cheat in any way, and was good as new after we hosed him off. >Info: what is “Eiffel tower” in this context? OOP: Imagine two naked guys high fiving with a naked woman as the base. \- >YTA and ESH simultaneously: you should apologize AND your sister and brother-in-law sound a little immatire. But a little empathy can go a long way. And if you honestly hurt someone’s feelings, it costs nothing to apologize. As far as the bachelor/bachelorette party goes, we need more details. When something goes that incredibly sideways, you must provide the thorough autopsy of the evening. OOP: I accept your judgement. And just so you know I went to see my sister this morning and gave a much more sincere and honest apology. I am taking over as maid of honor and my sister is reading the comments here and laughing her ass off. She is especially grateful that it is anonymous and that none of you will ever know her husband shit his pants if you run into him on the street. \- >I can sing The Rose. I have a long resume to support that I know what I'm doing and I'm good at it. But I'm in Ontario. Where are you? OOP: North Florida \- >NTA. Had I been there, I wouldn't have snorted, I'd probably have been cackling! Yeah, that didn't show a lot of foresight. The line about the bus cleaning... oh my. Both of my daughters waited until they were around 30 to get married. Their "bachelorette" parties were going to a wine and pottery painting place for one, and the other was a glassmaking place. I don't think their husbands went out and made fools of themselves either, but I didn't hear anything negative so doubtful. The drunken blowout pre-wedding party is an idea that needs to diaf, quickly. OOP: I married an honest to goodness cowboy. He wanted to have a rodeo for his bachelor party. I was onboard as long as it was at least two months before our wedding to give everyone a chance to heal up. But I drew the line at cowboy poker. >What's cowboy poker? (Another Commenter Responds): Apparently it's where cowboys play poker while a bull charges at them. (Thank you Google)The goal is to see who can stay at the table the longest.I don't think somebody would have to draw the line to make me not want to do that. \- >Suggest that your sister give the attendees a free std test as their parting gift. OOP: Funny story. In college a lot of this group got an STI. Because they were all having sex with each other in "unconventional" groups and couples. My brother called them "The Burning Ring of Fire". >We're all going to need you to elaborate more on this one too. OOP: That's basically it. Three guys and four girls were in rotating relationships and nobody said anything until one went outside the group and introduced chlamydia to the group. Hence The Burning Ring of Fire. \- [**UPDATE The story of my sister's shit show bachelorette party but awesome wedding.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15nfv7d/update_the_story_of_my_sisters_shit_show/) **(Originally Posted August 10th, 2023)** As you may recall my sister had a coed bachelor/bachelorette party that went sideways. Original If you were hoping for more fuckery you will be sorely disappointed. My father and husband had a talk with several of the miscreants that would be attending the wedding and put the fear of, if not God, then at least them into the children. We found someone to sing The Rose and my husband stepped in as a groomsman. As I commented I did apologize to my sister for my insensitive snort and comment and I was her matron of honor. We also got a couple of girls to fill in for the missing bridesmaids. The wedding went off beautifully and when everything was said and done the only real consequences are one divorce that was probably going to happen anyway, one arrest that will be plead to a misdemeanor most likely, and one pair of underwear, one sock and a pair of jeans. Sorry to disappoint but nothing much of note happened at the wedding or reception. \- *I wish OOP, her husband, and the newlyweds the best.* &#x200B;

AITA for asking my sister WTF she expected to happen at her shitshow of a bachelorette party?

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boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15tc00m/aita_for_asking_my_sister_wtf_she_expected_to/

15tc875

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/No-Rabbit1288 **I (F22) just found out that my bf (M29) lied about why he moved to my city.** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15gifb4/i_f22_just_found_out_that_my_bf_m29_lied_about/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 2, 2023** I met my current bf about 3 years ago when I was 19 and in vacation in Paris with a friend. I wanted a European hookup and met him on a dating app. He was 25. We met up twice and I had a good time and I genuinely liked and respected him. I thought he was kind, interesting, and smart (especially compared to the men I was used to aha). He also seemed to like and respect me a lot and he was incredibly sweet to me. Obviously vacation ended and I went back to the US and college. We had no contact beyond liking each others ig posts, but that winter break I ended up in Europe with friends again, by chance in the same city as him. We hung out a few more times there, and I left with even more positive feelings towards him, as he was truly charming and very kind to me. We both continued with our lives, but that spring he messaged me and said that he'd been offered an incredible job opportunity in the city I live in and that he was considering accepting it. I did think it was mildly odd that there would be such a prestigious job in my city (not America's greatest but it is large) but not in any of the major European cities around him, but I don't know much about his field (architecture). Anyways I was excited to see him again, and when he arrived we started spending a lot of time together. We ended up deciding to live together that summer, as I was interning in the same city that his job asked him to spend a lot of time in, and it's a notoriously expensive city so it made lots of financial sense for both of us. I was also very happy to live with him, and we spent a great summer. He decided to spend another year in my city, which I was surprised about again since I thought he would return to Europe, but we had another great year. This summer I found an internship in the European city he's from, and so I stayed in the house he owns (rent free baby) and he took a bunch of vacation he had saved up to spend the summer with me. I did not expect to spend so long with this man, since he was just an ill advised hookup, but I did see a long term future with him. However, we were talking about our future plans before I returned to the US, and in the course of the conversation he ended up confessing that the original job in the US did not drop onto his lap by random chance- he purposefully applied to jobs in my city because he really liked me and wanted to see me again. I was kind of floored by that- and the more I think about it, the more upsetting it is that this random man moved to a different country for me and didn't even admit it until we'd been together for years. I was already sort of on the fence about continuing our relationship, as this is my first long term relationship and he's been in a couple of ~ 1 year long relationships, and one 6 year long relationship. I also have not introduced him to my family (or told them his age), as the whole situation doesn't make either of us look great. Now I'm even more hesitant, as although I do really love him, it's kind of insane that he did that. My original plan was to suggest to him that he should move back to Europe for this year (he has lots of job options so it shouldn't be a problem), that we should take a break, and then that I would move to Europe next year for grad school and we could start a real relationship. That way I could enjoy my last year of college single, and then I could pretend that we met organically in Europe with me being older than 19. I now don't even know if I want that exclusively because of his confession. I feel like I'm being unreasonable, as he's an incredible man with many virtues and I like him a lot and he's always treated me very well, but I can't shake the feeling that what he did was insane. My friends are split and I'm not going to talk to my parents about this so I thought I would ask here. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15ndkwl/update_i_f22_just_found_out_that_my_bf_m29_lied/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 10, 2023** First off thank you to everyone who responded to my first post- it was definitely eye opening. I spent about the last week reflecting on all of that and deciding what I was going to do when my bf got back to the US, which was yesterday. I realized after reading all of the comments that he hadn't done anything wrong, and that I was just using this as an excuse for my own doubts about the relationship. I also realized that although a lot of people thought I was a horrendous person, there were things that bothered me that I hadn't really put into words before but that I believe are valid. One commenter who'd previously been in a relationship with a similar age gap said that she often felt like she was in a relationship with a tour guide, which I realized is exactly how I felt. It's disconcerting to be with someone who always, always knows more than you. It definitely attracted me to him in the beginning, but after a while it made me feel like a child and like I wasn't learning everything I need to for the rest of my life. I did realize though that I had no interest in taking a break. A lot of people thought that by wanting to spend the last year of college single what I meant was wanting to screw around with random men, but what I really meant was having time to actually go out and spend time with my friends, instead of spending 4 or 5 nights a week with my bf. But I realized that I have no interest in getting with other men, and also no interest in actually breaking up with my bf. Anyways my bf got back yesterday to the US. I'd definitely been a bit weird with him since he'd told me why he moved to my city, and he'd picked up on it and wanted to talk about it. So yesterday we got some of our favorite takeout and a bottle of wine and discussed it. Basically he apologized for springing that on me, and I apologized for having been weird about it. I told him that I was just surprised that he liked me that much after having seen each other maybe 5 times, and he said that with a certain kind of experience you can just know. I also told him I was shocked because he was (I guess still is haha) surrounded by a bunch of gorgeous, successful goddesses who I can tell he has slept with, and part of my shock was that after just a few times with me he'd chosen me over them. But he completely assuaged my fears about that and them. I also told him that I felt a bit like he was my tour guide for life, and that I wasn't really getting to experience life for myself. I told him that it was kind of disconcerting that I'm a successful woman in every avenue for my life, but that with him it feels like I'm never his equal. I think this was especially something that bothered me because it kind of mirrors my parents relationships. I love my dad, but my mom was a brilliant and very successful woman who then met him when she was 19, and though she still got a PhD and everything, she ended up being a stay at home mom, and now she doesn't now how to do a lot of things without my dad. My bf was very receptive to my concerns, and we decided that we would do more things together that were new to us both. He also agreed that I could introduce him to some of my hobbies/interests that he doesn't share, like hiking and the gym. Another reason I wanted to take a break was because I've never been with a woman but am interested in that. We talked about it and came up with some ways we could explore that together. He also suggested a break if I wanted it, but I'd realized I didn't want to lose him, and I honestly don't really want to see him with any other woman, so we agreed not to. He also suggested opening the relationship if I wanted, but again I realized I wasn't really interested. So overall we are good and are just going to make some small changes here and there. Despite what everyone said I do really love him and I don't view him as settling or a cash cow. In fact the first time I wrote in my journal that I really liked him, but that I knew somehow that I would see him again. I guess it scared me a bit that he felt the same way at first just because he was older and more experienced, but I'm glad it worked out. Im going to introduce him to my family in the next couple of weeks, and apparently his ex of 6 years is visiting a large city near ours next month so I guess I'll get to meet her too. TL;DR: did some self reflection, realized there was nothing wrong with what he did, and we are all good now. Also, just clearing up some things people commented about that aren't super important but I think some people may be interested in: 1) I'm not a trust fund baby, I do work and have a full scholarship and get rent paid by my parents so I have plenty of disposable income. My parents are also from a European country and we have lots of relatives there so I visit often. 2) My bf is perhaps not a trust fund baby but close, his father owns a lot of real estate and they have houses all around the world. So no he doesn't pay a mortgage 3) I absolutely did not want to take a break to up my body count as some thought. I think the focus on body count in either direction is unhealthy and frankly stupid. My body count is probably already higher than most of the peoples who commented. And also my bf had a high, high number of bodies, but that's not something that bothers me at all. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (F22) just found out that my bf (M29) lied about why he moved to my city.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15tc875/i_f22_just_found_out_that_my_bf_m29_lied_about/

15tcb2s

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/TheEjacuFarter **TIFU by ignoring a lump on my balls for 23 years and ejacutooting into my wife’s eye, almost ruining her LASIK surgery** **Originally posted to** r/tifu **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!extreme sexual descriptions and extreme flatulence!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1386hqm/tifu_by_ignoring_a_lump_on_my_balls_for_23_years/) **May 5, 2023** Every once in a while, something happens so preposterous, so outside the realm of possibility, that you know no one will ever believe you. That’s happened to me three times. Once, I saw a squirrel disappear into thin air. Once, I saw a disembodied hand cross a road in the dead of night. And once, I ejacufarted into my wife’s eye. Let’s travel back 23 years ago. I was 14 and had just learned about doing self checks of my testicles for lumps. And, lo-and-behold, I found one. I was pretty worried, told my parents, and eventually went to a urologist. He examined the lump and told me it was a varicose vein. The doctor didn’t do much to verify this other than squeezing the lump a few times. But, he told me not to worry about it and said that at worse there was about a 3% chance I couldn’t have kids. So, I went about my life not worrying about it. About six months ago, my wife was going ham on ham, giving me an “ol’ fashioned,” if you will. We’ve been together for…wow, 19 years! So farting in front of each other during sex wasn’t a big deal. At best, it was funny, and at worse, nothing to really react to. So there I was, enjoying myself, but not anywhere near climaxing, when I farted. And when I say farted I mean I ejacufarted. By which I mean the fart caused me to ejaculate, hard, with no orgasm. My wife was caught off guard, and my cum hit her in the eye. She had had LASIK about three months before hand and, while she was well past the healing stage, she was adamant about not rubbing her eyes anymore for the rest of her life. Something about detached retinas? Anyway, back to the ejacufarting. So, I figured this was a one-off incident, but the next time I had to fart during a private, personal session, I forced the fart out and the same thing happened. And then again when I tried again a bit later. I assumed this wasn’t normal, so, 23 years after that first visit, I found myself back at the urologist. And this time, they looked more closely at what was going on down there, MRI and all. And, as it turns out, that lump on my left ball wasn’t a varicose vein, but part of a complex of soft tissues which didn’t belong there, and which, apparently, linked my bulbocavernosus muscle and pubococcygeus muscle, and probably other shit too. It’s not cancer, more a one-in-a-million medical oddity. Why it would cause this ejacufarting phenomenon only now is a mystery, unless I had literally never farted while having a boner before that moment in my entire life. Anyway, my wife’s eye is okay, and so am I, I guess. I don’t seem to be in any immediate danger anyway according to my doctors. Oh, and I can have kids! I just hope that none of them were conceived by an ejacufart. I’ve definitely farted while inside of her before. Throwaway because my main account is pretty popular. Also, had to go with “ejacutooting” in the title, because “fart” was prohibited. TL;DR: Ignored lump on ball, discovered a weird party trick, almost ruined my wife’s eye ball, became a medical wonder. EDIT: To clarify that a disembodied hand, not head, crossed the road. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15ngblc/tifupdate_by_starting_cialis_in_spite_of_being_an/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 10, 2023** Well. Hello everyone. It’s me again. u/TheEjacuFarter. Now, I know what you’re thinking. If you’re familiar with my first post,* why the fuck would this dumb mother fucker start Cialis? I hear you, and I get it. But let me explain. Two things happened near each other in time. One, I scheduled surgery on the mass all up in my ass and balls, and two, I started having problems with the quality of my erections. My wife, God bless her, still loves me, and as long as I’m not farting near her face while she’s going “ham on ham,” is happy to have sex with me. So, having a good boner is important. I talked to my primary care physician about it and he suggested Cialis. Now, he’s aware of my testicular tooting, but assured me that Cialis doesn’t cause you have boners all of time, it just helps when you’re otherwise already aroused. So I decided to give it a try, figuring that my surgery was soon anyway. Well guess what mother fucker!? That shit made me have boners ALL THE TIME. God forbid I had to take shit, I’d end up giving myself a pearl necklace! That first day I felt like I had a ticking time bomb in my pants, waiting for the tiniest bit of air to escape my anus. I called my doctor and he said to give it a few days to start acting normally. So I did, but it was impossible to function like a normal farting human. I wear suits everyday. I don’t have that much money for dry cleaning god dammit! So, it’s cock rings for me, at least until I get my surgery. TL;DR: Got Cialis and I “JIZZED IN MY PANTS!” (*) In case you’re not familiar, I have a condition where I ejaculate if I fart while having an erection. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by ignoring a lump on my balls for 23 years and ejacutooting into my wife’s eye, almost ruining her LASIK surgery

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15tcb2s/tifu_by_ignoring_a_lump_on_my_balls_for_23_years/

15tdqj9

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/throwaway-itried](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway-itried/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!child death; verbal abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!as positive an ending as possible in this scenario!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13o2pzh/aita_for_not_trying_harder_to_let_my_ex_know_our/)**: May 21, 2023** Sorry for any lay out issues, I am on my phone. Also, throwaway as my ex follows my main. Both myself (F) and my partner (M) were 28 when I found out I was pregnant. Together 4 years. Personally I didn't want the child, my work was offering potential advances within my position and I was excited for it. But after alot of talking, we decided to go forward with it. When I was around 20 weeks (just after finding out the gender) he disappeared. I couldn't contact him, he wouldn't answer the phone or messages. I got worried and messaged his mother and found out he was living back with her and was overwhelmed with the situation. He kept paying his part of the bills over to my bank each month, but I received no contact. I even tried going over, nothing. By about 27 weeks I gave up trying, gave up crying and just got on with what I thought was a future as a single mother. I brought everything needed over the next couple of weeks and set it all up. At 31 weeks I started having pains, but put it down to braxton hicks. Just before 32 weeks my waters went and I went into labour, with the baby coming very quickly. He went straight to NICU. I messaged and rang my ex and his mother, no response. Less than a week later, my son passed due to complications of early birth. I again tried to contact my ex and his mother. Left voicemails and messages. Nothing The next few weeks were a blur, but with the help of my mother and father his funeral was arranged. They tried to contact ex and his mother also, still nothing. I sent more messages, nothing. I'm assuming we were probably all blocked but honestly at that point I didn't care. I was so broken. His funeral came and went. It was beautiful and horrible. I stopped messaging and told my family not to bother after the funeral had passed. I couldn't deal with it any more. About 5 months after his birth/death my ex turned up. Let himself in. I wasn't at home, but when I got back he was instantly hostile. The flat was clearly not set up for nor accommodating a small child. He demanded to see his son. I broke down and told him what happened. I have never seen him so sad and angry. He stormed out, slamming the door on his way out. Within half an hour I got a nasty call from his mother, followed by messages from siblings/other family. How dare I not let them know something so serious. How could I hide something like that out of petty spite. I truly didn't, I tried. But I couldn't keep trying. It's been nearly 3 weeks now of them being awful. I was speaking to my sister this weekend and she said "tbf, it was a bit of a dick move to not keep trying. They deserved to know" Was it? I tried so hard to let him know, but I was struggling so hard too. I lost my son too. AITA? should I have done more?? **Edit** \- thank you all so much for your responses. Sorry for not replying to any. Reading them has been alot. Honestly, I'm going to drink a bottle of wine (or two), read your kind responses and cry myself to sleep. Writing this all out and living it again has been hard. Unfortunately I'm not able to change the locks (landlord said no) but my tenancy ends on the 12th of June and I already have a new flat to move into. And thankfully my dad has been able to cover the cost of a private therapist and I see her again Tuesday. Thank you all so much again for your kind words **2nd edit:** if I had realised this was going to blow up so much then I probably would have just posted to my main. If you see this post anyway, read it Lewis. Then read it again. Then read the comments. Then just leave me alone. Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to show my therapist the post when I see her and talk it through, but honestly it has helped alot. Even if I did cry quite a bit. I'm going to sleep now and won't be back on this post. But thank you all ♥️ ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15ngb29/update_aita_for_not_trying_harder_to_let_my_ex/)**: August 10, 2023 (2.5 months later)** The previous post was locked, but I've had a few messages asking after me so before I leave this account completely I just wanted to let people know I'm alright. The move went smoothly, I'm far enough away that there is no risk of bumping into my ex or his family. I changed my number and deleted all social media so haven't had anything from them personally for about 6 weeks. My sister apologised for what she said, and we've spoken alot about it all. I definitely don't think our relationship is the same, but we're okay. I still hear they're speaking badly about me from friends, but I try and ignore it. I'm in therapy still and am trying my hardest to move forward with everything. I visit my sons grave when I can. Thankfully my ex and his family care so little about more than themselves they never asked where he is buried so I can do so in peace. Thank you all for everything you said. I have found myself going back to the previous post alot over the last couple of months and it has helped more than I can express. I'll be leaving this account now, but again, thank you. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you explain what your sister said/was thinking?* "My dad chewed her out in a big way when he found out what she said to me. She said that she didn't realise how much we tried to contact him and thought it was like when I was pregnant, that I decided not to bother with ex anymore and just do it all myself. Honestly, it seems like bullshit. My parents were my support throughout everything, but my sister wasn't so absent she didn't know we rang and messaged alot. But her apology did seem genuine and she has had nothing nice to say about how they've been since (if anyones going to blow up at them it'll be her, but my dad said to leave it and let them ruin themselves)"

AITA for not trying harder to let my ex know our son passed

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15tdqj9/aita_for_not_trying_harder_to_let_my_ex_know_our/

15tefka

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/M2Yb23](https://www.reddit.com/user/M2Yb23/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating but hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15l42nk/aita_for_not_allowing_my_stepson_12m_to_live_with/)**: August 7, 2023** I have two boys (10M and 5M), and I'm getting married in the next few weeks to my boyfriend who has a 12 son from a previous relationship. My future husband's son asked his dad if he could come live with us after we get married because he wants to experience a genuine family dynamic with parents and siblings, given that his biological parents never married anyone else. My husband is on board with this idea, believing it would contribute positively to the boy's personal growth. I expressed to my husband that I have reservations about having him live with us, based on observations during the weekends he spends at our place: Firstly, he appears to have a strained relationship with my younger son. He rarely includes him in activities unless I specifically prompt him to do so. When I ask him to assist the younger boy, such as accompanying him to the bathroom, he does so with obvious reluctance. Secondly, he displays an excessive competitive streak towards my older son. He consistently aims to outperform him and even taunts him when he succeeds. I find this overly competitive atmosphere uncomfortable. I desire my children to grow up in a nurturing and supportive environment. The third and most significant concern is his academic and behavioral performance. My boyfriend has informed me that his son has been struggling academically and has faced minor behavioral challenges. I am concerned about his potential negative influence on my children, particularly my older son. My husband dismisses these concerns as typical for his age, believing that with our guidance, he could improve. I sought advice from my mother, and she disagrees with me, asserting that providing a united family environment could greatly benefit my stepson. Both of them label my reasons as unreasonable. AITA? EDIT: Many people didn't quite catch the bathroom example I provided. Let's say we're at a park, I can't let my 5-year-old go to the bathroom alone. So, I might have my stepson accompany him for safety reasons. It's the kind of thing an older child should do for a younger one. **Update: August 8 (Next day-Same Post)** I know that I am not the best person, but I never mistreated or ignored my future stepson. I care for him, and I would never think of hurting him. I realize now that I was being overly protective of my own children and not considering things from my future stepson's perspective. I was afraid that my future stepson might bully my kids (for example, excluding the younger one from activities he enjoys, like building with Legos, or teasing the older one when he wins), but now I can see that if he wants to live with us, it's because he cares about his future siblings. Moreover, as a responsible adult, I understand that I have an obligation to help him with behavior and school grades. I talked to my boyfriend, and I accept that he can come live with us. Now, we'll need to move to a new house so that each child can have their own room, and we'll have to work on getting custody. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Info on step-son's mom:* "Unfortunately, my stepson is the result of a one-night relationship, not a marriage. My fiancé said he even tried to have a dating or more serious relationship with her, but she declined. She has always had custody of the boy, and she has never been married. It's just her and the boy. I work remotely, so even though I have work obligations, I'll be the one providing more assistance to the children. I don't see it as a problem, even with one more child." "He lives with his mom, who has the full custody. He seek my fiancé to ask if he can live with us because he wants to have a family with siblings. I don't know his mom very well. I only meet her few times, like in his birthday." *After the update:* "We're going to talk to him and his mom tonight. I'm going to tell him that our house is his home, and he's more than welcome here. We're goin to saying that we are even planning to move to a new house to give him his own room. But it also depends on the conversation with his mom; my fiancé thinks we won't have any issues." ***OOP is voted YTA. This sums up the majority opinion well:*** "YTA - You're marrying his father so you should start considering him as your son as well. If your eldest son (10M) started displaying all these behaviours then surely you wouldn't just kick him out and give up on him. I would get your bf onboard with ways to deal with the behaviours that you're not happy with." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15ne57c/update_aita_for_not_allowing_my_stepson12m_to/)**: August 10, 2023 (3 days later)** For those who want to read the original post, it's available [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15l42nk/aita_for_not_allowing_my_stepson_12m_to_live_with/). I initially want to thank the comments that helped me understand that I was in the wrong. I learned that I was being extremely selfish, only looking out for my own children and my fear that they might somehow face bullying at home, but I wasn't considering the feelings of my stepson. I've also learned that the dynamics between siblings, something I never experienced, inevitably involve a bit of competition and rivalry. I was so focused on myself and my kids that I couldn't see that if he wants to live with us, then obviously he cares about us, especially the idea of having siblings. So, I hope we will work together build a great dynamic in our house. I talked to my fiancé, even showed him this Reddit post, and told him that I agree our stepson should live with us, that I was wrong about my reservations concerning the boy. He talked to the mother of my stepson, who has legal custody of him. I didn't participate in the conversation, as I understand it's a moment for the biological parents. Despite being reluctant, after hearing from her own child that he wanted to live with us, she agreed to work out an arrangement where he will spend a significant amount of time with us. My fiancé and boy's mother will still have to discuss the details. After that, my fiancé and I took my stepson out to eat his favorite burger and talked. I told him that we're happy to have him as a new member of our household, that we're going to look for a new house to better accommodate the family now that we'll be five, and he can have his own room. He was very happy. We didn't address some concerns that I still have, like the issue of discipline and following rules. I avoided that topic so it doesn't seem like I'm threatening him to go back to living with his mom. I want him to feel accepted unconditionally in our home. But of course, we'll have that conversation about discipline with the older two soon to prevent any issues and also emphasize the importance of maintaining good grades in school. PS.: There's no need for anyone here to send me messages cursing me out. I've received dozens of offensive messages, and it doesn't help anyone. I've also received supportive messages with advice, and I appreciate those messages. Internet and this community don't need to be a place for hate. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You need to discuss discipline ASAP to be on the same page:* "I'm aware of that. This issue has always been one of the key points for me. I always believe that when a child is disciplined by a step-parent, they might perceive it as unfair, which can significantly impact the relationship between the child and the step-parent. However, we've discussed making a list of rules and the corresponding consequences for breaking each rule, so I hope that no one feels unjustly treated. If something comes up that isn't on the list, then the decision will need to be a joint one between me and my fiancé." *OOP's stance:* "I've always told my fiancé that if my stepson came to live with us, then it would be for the rest of our lives, as my stepson isn't an object that we can "return" for some reason. I've always had that very clear" *He was ALWAYS a member of the household, you're the new one:* "Honestly, I think the issue here is just the choice of words. When I said "member of our household," my fiancé and my stepson understood that I was referring to him becoming a new resident of the house, as he didn't live here before. Regardless of whether you agree or not, the fact is that he lived at his mother's house and in practice was a visitor at ours. Of course, I did everything to make him feel that our house was also his, but there's a difference between living here and spending weekends. I never meant to say that he wasn't a part of the family. I've always treated him as a family member. This is a part I haven't quite grasped yet. Many people talk as if I treat my stepson poorly. When my husband read the comments on the other post, he told me not to worry, because I treat his son very well, and I think it's obvious that if I mistreated him, he wouldn't want to live with me. So, where does this idea come from that I treat him poorly? I know that when I said that I didn't want him living with us sounds rude. But there is a huge difference between how you treat a kid and what you discuss with your fiancé." *Further info on the housing situation:* "It's still his own house' – I completely agree with this, which is why I mentioned that I did everything to make him feel like the house was his too. But there's an aspect I didn't mention, and perhaps it's another reason for my choice of words: my fiancé is moving into the house I live in with my kids, so chronologically, it makes sense for me to refer to it as 'my house' and say that my stepson is a new member of it. Of course, from his perspective, we are the new members of his family. 'Child's perspective is very different and very insightful.' Yes, that's true. The best I can do is treat my stepson the same way I treat my own children, and I don't believe there have been any instances where I treated him differently. In fact, I realized I was expecting behaviors from him similar to those of my older son, without considering his different experiences, which made me unfair to him." *Does step-son have his own room/are you spending enough time with him:* "This is a very important point. I completely agree that it's crucial for children of divorced parents to understand that they have two homes and to have their personal belongings in both. The thing is, we've been gradually adapting over time. First, I got to know my stepson, then he got to know my kids, and then they started spending more time together, until it got to the point where he practically spends every weekend here (even though legally, my fiancé only has custody every other weekend). He always had his things at his dad's house. But my house is bigger, and my fiancé is moving in here. Unfortunately, my house only has 3 bedrooms: mine and one for each child. So he was left without his own space. When he comes over, he has to sleep in my older son's room. So in reality, he's been kind of like a visitor, you know? That's the reason I'm looking for another house. I want to give him his own space, just like my kids have theirs." "Yes. I understand that my stepson isn't in the best situation right now. We were already looking to move to a new house after getting married, regardless of whether he would come to live with us or not, precisely because of this issue. But we were both planning to sell our houses to buy the new one, so it would still take several months. Now, we'll be renting a house in the next few weeks. Since we were already exploring the real estate market, we already know of a house that we like." *Clarifying the bathroom example above:* "I never used him as free childcare. I was unfortunate in the example I gave about the bathroom, but I'll explain again what happens. We have a young child who's 5 years old. I can't expect a 5-year-old to behave in a mature/appropriate manner at all times, but I can expect the older ones, aged 10 and 12, to understand that the 5-year-old is a little child who doesn't yet grasp various situations. So, for instance, if the older two are playing video games for an hour without letting the little one join in, it's obvious they need to stop and let the little one play a bit too. Otherwise, the little one will feel sad and angry, think that his siblings don't like him, and so on. I'm not asking them to play with the little one all the time, but to look at the situation from the little one's perspective so as not to hurt him. In the bathroom situation I mentioned last time, it was just me, my stepson, and my youngest son. When my youngest son is with any of the boys, he refuses to go to the bathroom with me. That day, he was practically on the verge of tears not to go with me and wanting to go with his brother. So in my view, my stepson, upon seeing the boy almost in tears over a trivial situation, should have understood he should help to prevent him from actually crying. But he only helped after I insisted a lot. Anyway, I believe my stepson will grasp this dynamic soon, just like my older son already does." *You need to adjust your expectations:* "you need to adjust your expectations" You are correct. ***Marked as ongoing in case OOP updates again about how step-son settles in***

AITA for not allowing my stepson (12M) to live with us?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15tefka/aita_for_not_allowing_my_stepson_12m_to_live_with/

15to27v

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/NudeNazgul **TIFU dressing up as Harry Potter to please my gf during sex** **Originally posted to** r/tifu  [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/14hmi9k/tifu_dressing_up_as_harry_potter_to_please_my_gf/) **June 24, 2023** My gf is a hardcore Harry Potter fan. Or at least she used to be. I remember during the honeymoon phase of our relationship, she mentioned one of her fantasies was a Harry Potter roleplay situation where she was a professor at Hogwarts that ends up being seduced by one of her students. I didn't know what to do with that information at the time, but I thought it was funny and I never forgot about it. Less than 2 years later, I decided to bring out my inner wizard and figure out how to fulfill the fantasy my gf always wanted. After completing my Harry Potter research, aka rewatching the movies, I called my gf a few days ago and encouraged her to play along and avoid asking questions when she came over that evening. That was it. No spoilers. When my gf showed up at my flat, I was standing in the lounge wearing a Harry Potter costume and pointing a wand at her. She laughed. I referred to my gf as "professor" and asked her if she remembered that spell she taught me during Dark Arts class that paralyzed people. My gf was still laughing, but she eventually nodded in response to my question. I waved my wand and shouted "Petrificus Totalus!" My gf struggled to stop laughing, but she managed to get into character and freeze instantly, as per my spell. I literally picked up my motionless gf and put her down on the couch. I proceeded to undress my gf while telling her how much I've always wanted to sleep with a mudblood and pump her full of pure blood seed. Not gonna lie, I cringed on the inside when I delivered that line because it sounded silly, but then again, I could tell my gf was turned on when I removed her underwear. It was working. When I was done going down on my gf, I waved my wand between her legs and said "unimpregnate!" I made her aware that I was gonna penetrate her without protection and my made up spell would prevent her from becoming a mudblood milf. I unzipped my pants and banged my gf in my wizard uniform. She forgot she was under my paralysis spell and broke character a few times when she moaned and moved her body, but at that point we were both past the point of controlling ourselves and just did whatever felt good. The two of us came really hard. Based on the outcome, I knew my gf enjoyed what I did. However, post nut clarity left her with with mixed feelings afterwards. My gf said the fantasy was hot when it happened and she appreciated my effort, but replaying it in her head made her feel like we were acting too much like children to get ourselves off and that was kind of giving her the ick. She never said it in so many words, but I sensed that she was low key trying to tell me that she outgrew her Harry Potter fantasy and I was probably too late. Instead of letting it go and moving on, I revisited the topic last night, almost a week since the fantasy. I decided to ask my gf what I could do differently in case I wanted to surprise her with a sequel. My gf sighed and said I could just copy and paste what her ex bf did. She paused mid sentence and looked at me like she suddenly realized she said something bad. Against my better judgment, I encouraged my gf to finish her sentence. She said she didn't really care about Harry Potter prior to meeting her ex, who was the OG Potter fan apparently. She said his nerdy obsession with Harry Potter was endearing. I asked how endearing. My gf dodged my question and said I should focus on the fact that she enjoyed the version of her fantasy I created. I asked what was her ex's version. My gf said "if you really wanna know..." before telling me that her ex enjoyed playing the role of a Quidditch captain who ends up missing the game and losing the tournament because he was balls deep inside his wizard gf. She said it was unexpectedly hot because her ex pretended to be reluctant and submissive whereas she had to be distracting and dominant, which was new for her. She said she didn't know she could squirt until she dominated her ex. I said I didn't know she could squirt until now. My gf awkwardly laughed it off and said I should be grateful I've never made her squirt because she always hated the clean up. I asked my gf why she would plant the seed of a Harry Potter roleplay fantasy at the beginning of our relationship if her ex already did a better job. She rolled her eyes at me saying "better job" and said she was still somewhat high on her ex during our first few dates and wanted to recapture the same magic from her previous relationship, but she eventually fell in love with me and forgot about her ex and his Harry Potter BS, until recently when she saw me in my Harry Potter costume, which automatically made her think of her ex. I should've stopped asking questions, but for some reason I couldn't. I asked my gf if she was turned on during the fantasy roleplay because she saw me in the Harry Potter costume or her ex. She said nothing. I asked if the ick she was feeling afterwards was not really the ick, but the guilt of knowing she was thinking of someone else fulfilling her fantasy instead of me. My gf said she was gonna go and she did. I didn't stop her. Now she's not responding to my messages or my calls. TL:DR I dressed up as Harry Potter to fulfill a sexual fantasy my gf had at the beginning of our relationship, but I accidentally made her remember how much better that fantasy was when her ex was Harry Potter and not me. Now my relationship is no longer in a good place. [Update - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/tifu/comments/14l55dm/tifupdate_dressing_up_as_harry_potter_to_please/) **June 28, 2023** My gf stopped ghosting me and agreed to discuss what happened between us regarding the roleplay. We were both understanding and apologetic and forgiving. My gf said she never expected me to remember the Harry Potter fantasy, let alone act it out years later without talking about it first and making sure that the two of us were on the same page. She said she was unprepared for the feelings the fantasy triggered. On one hand, she said I made her feel somewhat "nostalgic" because I reminded her of an experience from her past she really enjoyed. On the other hand, she said she wanted to forget about that experience because A) she was invested in her relationship with me and B) she eventually got over her ex and part of her moving on process was filing everything related to Harry Potter under Ex Bf Baggage. My gf apologized for referencing her ex when I was trying to brainstorm different ways to spice things up in the bedroom through roleplay. She said she was low key upset at herself for thinking about her ex mid sex and took her frustration out on me when she realized I was keen to roleplay again, despite her telling me that she got the ick from the whole Harry Potter roleplay experience. I apologized for surprising her with an expired roleplay fantasy that made her feel uncomfortable afterwards and for bombarding her with questions about her ex bf. I promised to stop asking questions about her ex if she promised never to ghost me again. My gf thanked me for stepping out of my comfort zone with my Harry Potter roleplay and said she was willing to test out other roleplay fantasies outside of the Harry Potter universe if I was still interested. I said I might have a roleplay fantasy we could test out at that moment. My gf put her hand between my legs and said she was listening. I said I was Jack and she was Rose in Titanic, but instead of Jack freezing to death, a lifeboat rescued both of them just in time. However, Jack might still die of hypothermia, or worse, survive and then end up with a damaged dick due to frostbite, so now it's up to Rose to jerk him off in front of the other survivors to prevent the love of her life from getting gangrene in his genitals. My gf had her hand in my pants when I was done pitching the fantasy. She was entertained until I snapped my fingers and said "oh wait, my ex and I already did that one." It was a joke that instantly killed the mood, but I thought it was funny. My gf thought it was too soon and stopped touching me. I think my gf thought it was at least kind of funny because she didn't look mad. That being said, she showed 0% interest in sleeping with me after that. All of the above happened a couple of days ago, but work made it difficult for me to find proper time to post an update sooner. I think my gf and I are gonna be okay. Thank you for riding this relationship rollercoaster with me. Hopefully none of you will ever read anything new from me going forward. TL:DR Peace has been restored in my relationship. However, I now have 2 roleplay fantasies that my gf does not approve of - Harry Potter and Titanic. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU dressing up as Harry Potter to please my gf during sex

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15to27v/tifu_dressing_up_as_harry_potter_to_please_my_gf/

15tq4g8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Emu_Fast. I have received permission from OOP to share his family's story to BORU.** *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* ---- ##My wife and I were sold a lemon, the sellers concealed evidence of migratory bats that came back in the summer and completely ruined our lives **Originally posted to** r/RealEstate **TRIGGER WARNING** >!Illness caused by Bat Infestation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RealEstate/comments/158go29/my_wife_and_i_were_sold_a_lemon_the_sellers/) **July 24, 2023** My wife and I live in Washington state. We are young parents (born last Nov) and were very desperate to buy a home and get setup to raise our child. The place we were living in had a half acre but was a trailer, so small and full of problems. Most of the houses in our area are above 800K for a postage stamp lot where you can lean out your window and touch your neighbors house, so we looked outside our area. I have a fully remote job, so we picked a spot close to our favorite state park in North Puget Sound. The home we bought for ~870K, 20% down. It is a huge Victorian mansion on top of a hill with a big turret and a view of the water. The inspection showed a LOT of projects, but nothing we couldn't handle over the course of a decade or more. Once my wife returns to work, it would be possible to burn down the equity and finance improvements. Possibly refi to a lower rate if the Fed ever comes down again (but not betting on it). One thing in the report was "evidence of rodents" in the attic. We have dealt with rats and mice before by setting traps and thought very little of the problem. My mom talked about having squirrels in her attic that they had to shut out. Not a big deal. So, despite some hesitation about the repairs and fixes that might lie ahead, we bought the place. We closed on April 1st and moved in by mid-month. It was amazing, the location is incredible. We have guests in May, no problems. Then, towards the end of the month, we get a bat in our room at night. I quickly catch it in a bucket and get it out through the window while wife and baby get out. (I learn later I should have kept it.) We think, we are close to the woods, this is just what happens sometimes if the window is open a crack. Then, we have a guest staying in the bedroom in the furnished attic. They hear scrawling in the walls. We start hearing it while we are up there (where we put the TV and a futon - its a carpeted living room type space up there). So we stake out the house, and we see a hoard of bats fly out from a tiny tiny gap in the corner of our attic window dormer. We immediately call as many pest companies as we can and reach out to our insurance agent. I have work travel and come back. We have friends come to visit. We all get incredibly incredibly sick. Probably not associated to the bats, but histoplasmosis isn't impossible. At first we are very concerned about the bats, but we think this might be addressable. Then it started getting even crazier. Early July, after a week of being super ill, the first bat company comes. They review the house, tell us its one of the worst infestations they've ever seen. There are likely thousands of bats. Which means chances are high that a few of them do carry rabies. Also that much fecal matter will definitely become a human health hazard even if its above the drywall, because it will fester, mold, get wet and drip through. The next day, another bat gets into the kitchen in the middle of the day while we are cooking. I catch it with my fishing net and squash it. The bat pest person told us to take it to the health department, so I did, but it ended up being too far gone to tell if it had rabies. Live bats are required. My wife is too concerned to keep staying there. She packs up baby and goes to live at my sisters. Our original house we had intended to either rent or sell to a developer, but everything happens in slow motion with a baby under 1. Now we had to relocate back into it. I stay up in the house to deal with contractors and the health department. I'm still extremely sick, cough and sore throat. My wife and baby start their rabies exposure series per the health department. We are set to max out our insurance coverage costs. Even with coverage, we will end up paying $14,000+ in medical expenses. So we start talking with the neighbors. Some of them even stake out the house with me while I take video of thousands of bats flying out. The health department comes to try and capture a live one. They can't get to one though, none are loose inside the house, they are stuck behind drywall and plyboard panels and enmeshed into the insulation. I open up all the crawlspace doors and seal the attic shut, then I come out and there are 6 in the attic. I catch one and bring it to the health department. Now, here we are, evacuated, living on 1/4 of our personal goods, back to our trailer. During this time, we've been coordinating with lawyers, insurance, pest control, various contractors. The assessment is as such: + We bought the house from an estate. In WA State, an estate does not need to disclose anything wrong about the house, it is buyer beware. (no form 17) + However, from neighbors and facebook digging, we know that the estate had a son-in-law who stayed at the house nearly 2 years working on the home to make it more sellable and auctioning off antiques. + There are panels and flimsy boards, and lights in weird places in the crawlspace above the attic. We also noticed fly larva coming out of the boards that the inspector missed. Likely this was work done by the seller. + The inspection report identifies the pests as rodents but only as a problem in one area. Now the entire attic and all the storage crawl areas have insulation and bat poop. The gutters and roof seams are completely coated in insulation and poop. + Insurance denied our claim, they say the problem is pre-existing because of the evidence of pests in inspection, despite the severity and scale of the problem now. + Other neighbors confirmed that the original couple that lived there knew about the bats and showed them how many there were, like 10 years ago. + Lawyers we've talked to say its very unlikely we would win a case. The sellers knew all their legal loopholes (son-in-law was a house flipper) - they may have hidden the problem but that isn't illegal, even though it led to very hazardous conditions for our infant. If we lose the case, we owe tens of thousands in legal fees. + The cost to fix is exceedingly high. $20-40k just to get the bats out, possibly reroofing the entire house (likely above $60k - its a complex roof.) Then redoing all the interior insulation and flooring in the attic (more than $20k). Possibly with enough haggling and putting in some labor myself, I could get costs close to $60K, but that may be wishful thinking. + HELOC loans, home equity loans, and equity agreements, all seem to be inaccessible, we are just too improperly leveraged, we've only made a handful of payments so far. Maybe we could cover part of repairs, but likely not all of them. So - now I put you in our shoes: + 1) Risky lawsuit against the sellers and the seller's realtor. + 2) Risky lawsuit against insurance + 3) Risky concoction of overleveraging (HELOC/HEA) to pay for repairs + 4) Strategic default, we loose $200K immediately and locked out of real estate for years + 5) Try to convince a few insane investors to pay off our equity, take out business loans to fix, remodel, and turn the place into a BNB (very unlikely and also risky) + 6) Cash out my 401K, sell a kidney, get a 2nd job, or enlist in the military + 7) Sell our smaller property (maybe can get $450K for it) and rent somewhere while we fix the new place, but then we lose our last vestige of security I say this all in the context of not wanting to live in that home any more. We love the neighborhood, but feel that the place is going to be a complete and absolute money pit. With enough love, attention and improvement, and changes to the Fed's rates, we could probably sell for $1.1M or higher if it was proven bat free, repainted, and some other aesthetic work was done. But it would take $150-200k to get there, so it would virtually be a wash. With the market teetering in a million stupid directions, and the scale of severity of this problem, we are losing our minds. At least we have good Halloween costumes picked out this year.... &nbsp; ---- [NEW UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/RealEstate/comments/15msie9/same_bat_time_same_bat_channel_update_from_the/) **Aug 9, 2023** ## Same bat time, same bat channel - update from the bat mansion of financial horror Okay - folks are asking for an update from the last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/RealEstate/comments/158go29/my_wife_and_i_were_sold_a_lemon_the_sellers/ ​ Where to start.... Life is a whirlwind sometimes. Nothing is easy about this whole situation, we don't have any deus-ex-machina solutions falling into our lap. We're just chugging along, still trying to piece together any semblance of a plan while struggling to keep our sanity. It's a lot of small steps, one at a time, and a LOT of stress… And 12 ER visits to get all of our rabies shots… The expertise of some of you redditors was astounding. Not a ton of help on figuring out our method to finance this, and I'll also point out $450k on our old place is a stretch. We'd be lucky to get above $360k without a lot of work. There's also a lot of family resistance to selling, as my mother owned it and lived in it after her divorce, and it's her fallback plan if her current spouse dies. Loooong story there too… Also, holy cow - you snoops were able to doxx us pretty easy based on "Victorian, North Puget Sound." But because of that, we even got an inspection report from an earlier prospective buyer. You redditors also brought up some very interesting conversations and advice from RE Investors, biologists, pest control, and general contractors. Great starting points, but still a lot to look into. I DID reach out to the University (I actually used to work in the college of the environment) - there was a professor at the Burke Museum in chiropterology - but she could only really refer me to the Dept Fish and Wildlife (DFW). Luckily, DFW does have some ways they can help, not financially. They can help us get permitting and design for bat houses that can be put up in the state park. Our other neighbors are supportive of this too because it would take bat pressure away from their houses too. There's a lot more that's happened - so here's abbreviated list: + Grandma (my MIL) is an attorney, and did a TON of research, and then we paid $3K to have more experienced real estate attorneys confirm that we "had a bats chance in hell" + Talking to the bank - in theory we could take out a combination of loans - personal line of credit, home improvement loan, and a HELOC, for as much as $110K for a monthly of $1500. If wife goes back to work and daycare isn't impossible, this is feasible but still challenging on top of a $4900/mo mortgage. $110K might only cover 2/3 the work too. + We are asking the bank for a "Pause" to be able to rack up more in savings so we might get some of the work started soon. This doesn't cover costs but it gives us runway to maybe start some of the remediation services. + Our roofing friends are checking out the property with us next weekend - they think, as they did before - it will be a VERY expensive job in just materials - but want to confirm. + The Health Department issued an imminent health hazard for the house, its unfit for habitation until we remediate. Kind of scary seeing the red warnings on all the doors. + Pest Control company gave us a writeup, it was not thorough and I remain unimpressed, unsure how it can help us talk with the bank. + All of our Rabies shots are done. Not fun. Sitting in the ER collectively 12 times. Maxed out limit of medical expense at $14K… And blood tests for histoplasmosis. + Our stress levels hit a critical point - my wife's mental state has hit periods of complete rock bottom. We are seeking counseling to get through this. + Article in the local news - and upcoming radio interviews including local NPR. Also - if anyone out there has experience with USDA Loans, I'd love to hear from you. I don't fully qualify but the property does and I'm curious about waivers based on these stupidly high interest rates. Also, if anyone out there has successfully taken out business loans for a BnB through the SBA that doesn't compete or piss off the first-position residential lender… That would be very helpful to hear about. The toughest thing we are dealing with though is anger and depression. Luckily, we also have an amazing little dude (our baby) who keeps us smiling no matter how bleak things get. I'm also finding it hard to be 100% committed to work, and struggling to keep ahead of the opinions and office politics that my position has to contend with for success. My boss is very understanding but I can tell that this has definitely set me a back a bit in a few ways. We are also pursuing a few other creative ventures to raise funds but I don't want to break subreddit rules so I'm leaving them off this update. If anyone is a good book editor or interior designer with art skills, please reach out! The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind... (I feel like I'm falling into a Lovecraftian madness) Cheers all &nbsp; ----- **THIS IS A REPOST SUB: I AM NOT THE OOP** *Notes from the Editor:* + *The “Article in the local news” mentioned by OOP can be found here:* https://www.whidbeynewstimes.com/news/family-of-three-finds-1000-bats-in-their-new-home/ + *A link to the interview with “local NPR” here:* https://www.kuow.org/stories/home-buyers-got-a-deal-and-pests-they-can-t-get-rid-of?fbclid=IwAR1tCOu1dJk5HXQi9YlmFO_EBHH4roZHzkW5FYHQqaCSWPJWhx3Of499sL0 + *OOP's Indiegogo campaign can be found here if you'd like to contribute:* https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/bat-breakfast-save-our-home-build-a-community#/ + *This is an ongoing story and I will be posting updates as the situation develops. I have received permission from OOP to share his story here, as (in his own words)* **"Any call for action on getting creative types to help tell the story, or legal folks in WA state to help draft new policy would be great too"**

OOP inadvertently buys a Bat-infested Manor

ONGOING

King_of_Anything

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15tq4g8/oop_inadvertently_buys_a_batinfested_manor/

15ttmz9

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra7654790 in r/AskHR**. trigger warnings: >!sexual harrassment!< mood spoilers: >!disturbing!< --- &nbsp; [**[NY] Coworker won’t stop putting his hands down his pants and HR is doing nothing.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHR/comments/15cg1aw/ny_coworker_wont_stop_putting_his_hands_down_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - July 28, 2023 Hi everyone, This might be a bit long, and I apologize if formatting is weird because I’m on mobile. Backstory: I (17f) have been working as a lifeguard for almost 2 years at my town’s community center. This guy, we’ll call him Z (18m), was hired in the beginning of this year. He was very awkward and I would catch him staring at me or other girls in our break room from time to time. I wasn’t scheduled with him for a while after the first few times, and after a couple months of not working with him, I was scheduled with him and noticed that he would casually slide his hands down his pants while other people were in the office. Keep in mind this wasn’t him simply “adjusting” or putting his hands in his pockets. He was very clearly touching himself. I started to keep an eye on him while we were in the break room, and I noticed that he would do it quite frequently, and sometimes put his fingers in his mouth after doing it. I was in the break room with my friend once, and I was across the room while he was sitting across from her and she was talking to me. I noticed her eyes widen and she gestured for me to look at Z, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him staring at me with his hands down his pants. Around a week later, I was scheduled with him again, and I made my shift supervisor aware of the issue, where I learned that he was also aware of Z’s behavior. My supervisor told me that if I saw him do it again to let him know, and he would have a conversation with him. I’ll let you figure out what happens next, but my supervisor had a conversation with Z that ended in him denying everything and saying that he was just on his phone. I went home and emailed HR that night. I met with HR the following week, where they took mine and another coworker’s statements, getting specific details of Z’s actions and “movements” when he would touch himself. HR met with Z the following week, and they followed up with me and told me that they were very blunt with him that his actions would not be tolerated in the workplace, and told me to let them know if anything happened again and they would take action. I was very adamant that I did not want to be scheduled with him again, yet I worked with him multiple times after his meeting with HR. Fast forward to around a month ago, Z comes into work just as my shift is ending, and lo and behold, I see him touching himself. I immediately reached out to my boss and HR, who I met with again the following week. This meeting was pretty much the same as the first one, with HR saying they would be addressing the situation immediately. However, my “accommodation” was that if I’m scheduled with him again, I can leave, no questions asked. He works a couple 3-hour shifts a month in the evening, whereas I work upwards of 25-30 hours a week, so in my opinion it’s not that hard for them to not schedule him with me. It’s been a month and I was told they would follow up with me after meeting with Z, and I haven’t heard a peep from my boss or HR. Today I was made aware by a coworker/friend of mine (16f) that Z was sent home and written up for touching himself. Instead of just an employee write-up, my coworkers who witnessed his behavior were asked by my supervisor to fill out security incident reports as well. The supervisor on duty also reached out to my boss immediately following the incident. I should also add that Z has been written up almost every shift he’s worked for either staring at female coworkers, putting his hands down his pants or overall being terrible at his job. I’m not sure what my next course of action should be if mine and my coworkers’ complaints are ignored yet again. I’m paid well at this job and I don’t want to be the one to quit because of this, but I am at a loss for what to do. I don’t have any “proof” of Z putting his hands down his pants aside from coworkers texting about his actions in a group chat. My parents have told me that if my workplace continues to ignore our complaints, it’s grounds for a lawsuit. Is this true? I don’t know what else to do. Any advice is appreciated at this point. Thanks for reading. &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User 1:** > >File a police report. Have other coworkers do so as well. He's fondling himself in the presence of minors. That's not normal or legal. Take this over HR's heads as those heads are up their asses. > >I'd also advise you and your coworkers to speak with a lawyer as your employer tolerated this behavior for far too long. > >>**User 2:** >> >>I 100% agree with this. Also, note when you reported this to HR, also who else’s notices it and who has complained. &nbsp; [**Update: [NY] Coworker won’t stop putting his hands down his pants and HR is doing nothing.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHR/comments/15esyvz/update_ny_coworker_wont_stop_putting_his_hands/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - July 31, 2023 Hi everyone, an update to my last post, which I will link [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHR:comments/15cg1aw/ny_coworker_wont_stop_putting_his_hands_down_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) has come! The post has since been locked so I wasn’t able to comment an update there. I received a call today from HR stating that Z is no longer working at my place of employment. I’m not sure if that means he was fired or what. Regardless I’m very relieved to no longer have to deal with this creep, but also frustrated that it took so long for management to get their heads out of their asses and do something. Again, thank you so much to those who commented either agreeing that this guy is disgusting or offering helpful advice. Edit/Update 2: I spoke with HR in person today and they basically told me that Z could have had a condition or “quirk” that made him touch himself without knowing it and that we have to be “sympathetic” and “not assume he was doing it in a malicious way.” They also said that based on speaking with him, he had no idea what he was doing. Complete and utter bullshit and I couldn’t hide my disgust while the HR person was saying this. He was fully aware of what he was doing and even if he did have no awareness, he was still touching himself in front of coworkers after being talked to by multiple supervisors, and HR & management multiple times. A coworker of mine accidentally saw all the hentai he keeps on his phone while walking past him. I truly did not know how to respond to HR’s statement so I didn’t argue back, but very sarcastically said “wow, that’s an interesting perspective.” &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User 1:** > >Thank God! I am really glad that you and the others there will no longer have to deal with that perv. Unfortunately, he will be someone else's problem now. > >>**OOP:** >> >>Yup, I feel bad for whoever hires him next but it is such a relief to no longer be scared when my work schedule comes out! >> >>>**User 2:** >>> >>>The next place that hires him, hopefully has a bigger spine than your current employer does. It usually does not take that long to fire someone who has repeated reports of sexual harassment. Which is what you were subjected to when they allowed him to fondle himself in front of other employees. >>> >>>If you see someone doing something like this again, it's okay to say "hey, what are you doing? Why are your hands down your pants?!" You don't need to be discrete if you don't want to be. This person is a predator and should not fly under anyone's radar like the inept fools you work for let him for so long. >>> >>>**User 3:** >>> >>>I tried to reply to your last post. Glad that the employer fired him! >>> >>>You can always call 1-800-669-4000 and file a harassment complaint with the EEOC - what you experienced was definitely sexual harassment and it is against the law. &nbsp; *OOP has indicated that her coworker is no longer working at her place of employment, so this is being marked as CONCLUDED.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Coworker won’t stop putting his hands down his pants and HR is doing nothing.

CONCLUDED

Ok-Donut3656

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15ttmz9/coworker_wont_stop_putting_his_hands_down_his/

15tu1zr

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: If we were able to travel at the speed of light, we would be able to get to Mars in about 3 minutes. Compare this to the several months it takes us currently to get to Mars (About 7 months). Content Warning: >!Cheating, Child Neglect, Mentions of Rape of a Minor, Drug Trafficking, DUI, and Death !< Mood Spoiler: >!Satisfying !< *I am not the OOP, that would be* [*u/rvngthrowaway*](https://www.reddit.com/u/rvngthrowaway/) *who posted these on* [*r/ProRevenge*](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/) *This has been reposted on this sub before.* \- [**Oh, you had me living a lie for a year? Maybe I'll just go ahead and dismantle every aspect of your life.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/68nad3/oh_you_had_me_living_a_lie_for_a_year_maybe_ill/) **(Originally Posted May 1st, 2017)** Well I was had! I been took! I been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amok! This is a trailer trash roller coaster. All aboard! **The Lies** I thought I was in a slightly tumultuous but overall fun relationship for a year. I had gotten out of a 12 year relationship when I met Fuckboi, he was so charming and handsome I thought I won the lottery! He was super pushy about saying "I love you" first and defining our relationship. He introduced me to his family. His niece started calling me Auntie. He tells me about his 3 children and their mothers and lies about how the mother of his oldest hates him and is keeping him away from the kid. But then things started getting weird. His "ex" started calling all the fucking time, multiple times a day. They had children together, but the grandmother had custody *the lie I was told to make it seem normal was that both of them had jobs where they traveled a lot, so they signed legal guardianship over to the g-ma to make schooling & emergency issue easier*. Then she moved down to the city we were loving in for "work training". Then she was moving down permanently *without the kids*. When I asked why the kids weren't coming, the lie I was told *they need to stay in the same school* Um, they are 6 and 4 I'd say staying with parents is more important at that age than their peer group. It was weird, but I'm the *cool girlfriend* and it wasn't my place to tell them where their daughters should live. His "work" was in the cannabis industry, kind of. He worked with the "ex" brother in law going to legal states, buying pounds at a time and trafficking it via USPS. So, when he tells me he's going to Oregon I think nothing of it. After a week in Oregon, a lot of stories aren't adding up, like his phone is always dead even though he carries a power bank with him. THEN one of his "friends" starts posting cuddled up selfies with him. I quickly put 2 and 2 together and dump him for cheating on me with this chick in Oregon. **The Truth** After I dumped him I made a messy facebook post on his wall, which the mother of his oldest child sees and she contacts me and lays out the truth! * He never contacts his oldest daughter, even though he has her cellphone. No one is keeping him from her. * He owes $20k in back child support for her, as he has never once made a payment and he moves around a lot & works under the table, so the mother was never able to collect garnishments or anything. * He has a huge criminal record starting with *rape* he committed at age 15, and then a lifetime of fraud, larceny and drug charges I knew nothing about! * His "ex" who moved to our city was his girlfriend of 9 years who was very much still in a relationship with him * They willingly gave up the 2 children because they preferred to use drugs; him - heroin, her - pills * There is a FOURTH child!?!?!?! He and the mother conspired to pin the paternity on another poor sap and it's been 17 years now that this other man has been paying for a kid that is not his * I was his side chick * His family knew and played along in the lie and included their 10 and 16 year old children in the lie! * His chick in Oregon is actually his starcrossed lover from childhood! And every time they would try to be together one or the other would end up in jail! * The Oregon chick ALSO has a criminal record highlights include ***criminally negligent homicide*** from a DUI where she killed her passenger, fraud, larceny, drug charges This shocked me, so I paid for a criminal background check which is how I learned of their records. ***The Revenge*** I PROFUSELY thanked the ex for telling me the truth about the situation. I mulled on it for a bit trying to convince myself to simply consider myself lucky and just *walk away with my dignity intact*. But then he'd be winning and I knew I had everything in my power to come down on him like Thor's hammer. * I gave the ex ALL of his info - SSN, State ID#s, current and past known addresses. With this she contacted her state's Child Support Services. * He now will have his Drivers license revoked and can't get one no matter the state he moves to until he is current with his past payments. * If he ever gets a real job 25% of his wages will be garnished * He now has a warrant for his arrest in the state his oldest kid lives. * He's trying to play house with his new GF and contacted the mother of his oldest to arrange a meeting with his kid and his gf's child. The mother is "playing nice" and pretending it's a-go and he is planing a trip to visit the daughter. He will not see her, at the "meeting" he will be seeing the police and they will arrest him for failure to pay, and he won't get out of jail until he pays a sizable chunk of the $20,000 past-due PLUS bail! * I gave the ex his info THE DAY BEFORE his federal tax refund was set to go out, She was fast enough at getting his info to CSS that they INTERCEPTED his full tax refund and now he has for the first time paid for something for his child. * His past due child support is also going on his credit report * I know the name of the business his ex brother in law owns and uses to launder his drug trafficking money, I dropped a dime to the IRS. So, he's losing his only steady income soon and can't get a job a Walmart due to his criminal record, and if he DOES manage to find someone that hires without criminal background checks he will lose 1/4 of his paycheck. * I told this story to two of my "hacker" friends and they got into contact with hackers more talented than themselves and are now going to "take care of" a few more things for me, like finding the guy who was conned into paying for a kid that's not his. \- [**\[UPDATE\] Oh, you had me living a lie for a year? Maybe I'll just go ahead and dismantle every aspect of your life.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/706dq4/update_oh_you_had_me_living_a_lie_for_a_year/) **(Originally Posted September 14th, 2017)** This is an update to [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/68nad3/oh_you_had_me_living_a_lie_for_a_year_maybe_ill/) post. Since a lot of you didn't believe my last post, I brought you bunch of Whitney's the [receipts](https://media.tenor.com/images/7274b88a894168644bd38730512747e9/tenor.gif) [**I wish y'all could see the smile on my face right now**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkJzUwOBayk) Cast of characters: Ex who cheated on me - A His new girlfriend - J A's Ex who helped me & got her justice - V Here are the bullet points, since I love y'all to pieces and you liked them so much last time * A has stayed in communication with V for the longest period he's ever sustained because he (laughably) believed V would give him back half of his tax return * V of course kept every penny, and told him she never got it "it must be going into an account the state has set up for our daughter because I haven't gotten anything" * A forgot his daughters b-day, which caused a lot of drama because only days before J made a fathers day facebook post to "all the fathers who can't be with their child on this special day" * J was trying to defend A to V by telling her that his work hours make it so hard for him - well, his early hours on the west coast happened to perfectly line up with his daughter's on the east coast. They just make excuses for each other. * HA! So, J was dumb enough to let slip he has a job, and what the hours are, and where it was over the drama of not calling his daughter on her b-day & now that V knows about it. She told her case worker at CSS (Child Support Services) so his wages are getting garnished * A finally sent her a pair of Jordan's a few weeks later, but the kid didn't care and still won't talk to him on the phone * J & A play happy couple on FB * A tells V because of the garnishments he can't afford to fly & visit **So, I thought my story ended here** Not everything I wanted, but V is getting regular money and so justice had been done. * [Then 10 days ago I get a DM request on instagram](https://imgur.com/gallery/suOQl) >*Message Transcript:* (Message Request From A)-It might not matter to you but leaving you was not an easy thing for me to do. Might have seemed that way but it tore me up. I am not even mad for all the chaos you caused me. We all make stupid choices in life. I chased a fantasy and moved to the other side of the country. Well I got what I deserved. I'll spare the details for fear of excess gloating. You are a step g beautiful woman, you have to know that. You did nothing wrong, you have to know that. I had to do this.I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I never said anything to you that I did not mean. Damn, I think of you still and wish you the best. Just wish I had done things differently. You didn't deserve that. Sorry. * Oddly enough, I felt....nothing, which was amazing. I just let it pass because I am moving on with my life. I didn't even tell V. * Then, 4 days ago while I was on vacation I get a [message](https://imgur.com/gallery/dkROe) from V >\*Transcript of text convo between V and OOP-\*V: So i promised A lmfao I wouldn't tell anyone. He claims J cheated and he is living in his car.OP: \*laughs\*, KarmaV: He is devastated and said its karma. Now we know why he is so sorry. He has nowhere to go. Be careful.OP: \*laughs\*V: He called her a terrible person. Said he will never see or speak to her again. * J cheated on A * A is now homeless living out of his car * A unblocked me on FB so I snooped his page....LMAO morose public post after morose public pose * Now, everything's coming up roses for me! TL;RD I didn't get him arrested, but he is homeless now \- *Marked as concluded as this story seems to be over and it has been several years since OOP posted. I wish her and V the best.* &#x200B;

Oh, you had me living a lie for a year? Maybe I'll just go ahead and dismantle every aspect of your life.

REPOST

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15tu1zr/oh_you_had_me_living_a_lie_for_a_year_maybe_ill/

15tx7yy

TW: >!Invasion of Privacy!< Previous BORUs on the subject: [**Airbnb Allowing host to place cameras in the room where I would be sleeping**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zqt49j/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) Dec 20, 2022 [**First Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10teee3/update_on_the_oop_taking_on_airbnb_for_letting_a/) Feb 04 2023 [**Second Update (by OOP)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11saoz0/new_update_from_court_in_ongoing_case_airbnb/) March 15 2023 If you're just looking for the story without the commentary, the Second Update has it all. Reminder that OP is u/AtypicalCommonplace. I am not OP. I've tried to hyperlink all of the resources/links from the post as is. Quick Summary of previous events: OOP is a woman and a lawyer. She stayed at an AirBnB in NYC in 2022. Upon completing the initial booking, the owner revealed the property had cameras monitoring the *inside* of the studio apartment. OOP sought to cancel and get refunded. Her other posts describe her attempts to receive the refund, suing AirBnB and taking them to arbitration and the process leading up to the arbitration itself over the course of several months in 2023. **Latest Update:** [**Case Closed (Airbnb, Cameras, Yadda Yadda Yadda)**](https://www.reddit.com/user/AtypicalCommonplace/comments/15np1c3/case_closed_airbnb_cameras_yadda_yadda_yadda/) Aug 10 2023 TLDR: Our hearing was held Aug 1st, the arbitrator has 30 days to decide. Arbitration turned out to be a pretty awful experience and I'm not very hopeful but still glad I fought! [For the latest full case update you can go here -ish](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11saoz0/new_update_from_court_in_ongoing_case_airbnb/) I've been writing this post in my head in the two seconds I have each day now that I've morphed from single woman to mom of two (I met a single dad on reddit - RIP R4R - and my life is now utterly changed and I'm happier and more exhausted than I have ever been!) but now that I am over a week out I figured I'd post an update for anywhere who is still here! As noted above, our hearing was finally held on August 1st and lasted SIX (6!!!) hours so was pretty mentally and emotionally exhausting. I keep thinking of things I should have said (of course now after the fact) but the long and short of the argument I was trying to make was that, look, if Airbnb is basically saying that you CAN have a camera in a private space then it COULD record the bed and, um, that's bad (and reminder, [against Airbnb's policies](https://www.airbnb.com/help/article/3061)). But because Airbnb conceded that they would pay me what I was promised on September 26th, 2022 (almost a year ago! fun!) the hearing itself got super bogged down into the weeds of whether I had PROOF that there was a camera (reminder, I didn't because the first customer service rep told me that the hosts' acknowledgment that there was one wasn't enough). Their contention from the start has been that the [Terms of Service](https://www.airbnb.com/help/article/2908) basically make you sign away all of your rights and even if the company itself erred they aren't liable for anything. Side note - have y'all watched "[Joan is Awful](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jY1ecibLYo)" because the whole ToS madness reminded me of that. Of course, my whole issue here is that it SHOULDN'T take someone 12+ hours, months of time, and filing a case in arbitration to get what was promised to them, and which they relied on, from a corporation that obviously has the time and resources to squash me like a little bug. They also argued that while the terms of service SAY that cameras can't be "inside" what they REALLY mean is "inside and monitoring" so, if that is the case , why not just remove the "inside" piece from the ambiguous language? I continue to be baffled why they fought this so hard but I digress. Here's what I wrote regarding that in my opening argument, When I began this case I was a single woman. I’m have a partner and am the mother to two small children. Truth be told, if this were to happen today, I wouldn’t have had the time or energy to spend a week of my vacation fighting customer service representatives, nor would I have had the ability to attempt to seek resolution or argue this matter in arbitration. I would have had to give up even though the law of promissory estoppel, as I will argue today, make it plainly clear that I was owed what I was promised. Thus, should this case only result in my recouping of the $1,502.78, it, in effect, means that in order for a consumer to be able to effectively rely upon a promise made by a company, they must also be willing to jump through hours of time, months of effort, and eventually litigation in order to receive what was promised. The impact is a chilling effect - consumers are forced to choose between expending time and energy or simply “giving up.” What of consumers who don’t have the privilege of time? Where would their justice be? I think what was most surprising to me, though perhaps it shouldn't be, was the way in which the lawyers tried to attack my character. Saying I was doing this for youtube views (did I bring up the fact that the youtube video has since been removed by myself? lol no) or for a "reddit following." They dug up reddit posts that I had made about this case in the heat of anger that I almost immediately realized were mean and unfair and so I took them down - but wayback is a thing and everything can be found and I guess they wanted to show that, yes, this case kind of turned me into an asshole at times. I kind of lost in in a tumbling bridge of sadness way at this point. We had already played recordings of me crying with customer service (embarrassing) and in order to "prove" that I was impacted by this I had to submit anxiety medications my doctor had prescribed me that I was then cross-examined on (double embarrassing), so I don't really get the point that was other than to try and kick me while I was down. Of course, I know the lawyers are only doing their jobs but I guess I felt sad that that is a job anyone would choose to do. So - why am I still posting here, knowing that it could get me in trouble? Well, first I would argue to whoever is checking these posts that the hearing itself was never ordered to be confidential and I am not sharing anything deemed confidential but, more than that, I think that people have a right to know what they will be up against if they try and challenge a large corporation in arbitration which is meant to be a "fair and efficient hearing." Unfortunately, my experiences in arbitration didn't feel that way at all. I suppose I could delightfully be proven wrong but, sadly, the moral of the story here, to me, is that it isn't worth it. Which, you know, is what corporations WANT us to think and feel so we DO give up. When both arbitration rules and a company's own terms of service (23.3 here) say you are supposed to enter into good faith negotiations before moving forward, and when a company fails to enter into these in any way shape or form - I think the rule should just be that the consumer wins. Otherwise we are enabling a massive imbalance of power that will only lead to the further erosion of fairness and consumer rights. But who cares what I think ;) The one silver lining in all of this has been receiving more mental health support. As y'all know, part of what frustrated me so much about this was the very real knowledge I have those cameras in private areas can and will ultimately lead to victimization from already marginalized people. And I've begun talking to my therapist about [secondary PTSD](https://www.brainline.org/article/secondary-ptsd-or-secondary-traumatic-stress-should-not-be-underestimated) and am looking into talking to psychology students who may be interested in a dissertation specifically on how 2PTSD impacts lawyers representing survivors. Oh, and, of course, had I never received as much support from reddit I may never have turned my dating life over to the wonders of the anonymous internet (I used a throwaway account for my R4R post) and [wouldn't now have this in my life.](https://imgur.com/gallery/LGRDtPI) (OP's note. The link is to an image of a child's hand or hands intertwined with that of two adults.) So, in the end..... * Audre Lorde was right, the master's tools cannot dismantle the master's house, * Arbitration is not as pro se and consumer-friendly as it is made out to be * If you're reading this airbnb, which I know you are, please please please please please please please don't allow cameras inside any private area. [The risk is, truly, too great.](https://osce.usmission.gov/taking-a-lesson-from-traffickers-harnessing-technology-to-further-the-anti-trafficking-movement/) * But reddit remains a pretty cool place. Thanks y'all <3

Airbnb allowing host to place cameras in the room where I would be sleeping

NEW UPDATE

boringhistoryfan

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15tx7yy/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/

15u2e7s

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ASAP_TSUM in r/wedding** trigger warnings: >!drug use, infidelity, child abandonment!< --- &nbsp; [**should I give my cousin the boot from my bridal party.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/15gb437/should_i_give_my_cousin_the_boot_from_my_bridal/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) - August 2 2023 Hello! I am getting married in October and my bachelorette party is this weekend. A little backstory, when it came to picking my bridal party I was really torn between picking my cousin as a bridesmaid and one of my really good friends. My cousin and I grew up incredibly close until we were in high school and she ended up in the wrong crowd and went down a really rough life patch. She’s been able to get back on the right path, but during that time we were not close. She has a child and she works a LOT so I wasn’t sure if she would be able to commit. As far as my good friend, her boyfriend is a groomsmen and I know she is in school so I was worried about putting a financial burden on their household when it comes to suits/dress, bachelor and bachelorette party, etc. another concern about not being able to commit. I talked to my mom about it, just to get my thoughts out, and she took it upon herself to call my uncle (my cousins dad) and tell her what I was thinking. He said my cousin has come so far and she admires me so much it would mean the world to her and he would take care of anything financially for her and help her watch her baby when she was participating in wedding activities. So, the decision was kind of made for me by my mom having this conversation and I shouldn’t have given in to the family pressure of putting her in there but at the same time I’m happy to have her be apart of it and she did deserve to be apart of all of the fun. When my friend wasn’t asked, she was devastated and I felt terrible but she has still been extremely supportive. Fast forward and my cousin has been practically MIA the past year. She hasn’t participated in the bridesmaids group chat. I let my bridal party plan the bachelorette to what they thought I’d like and what fit their budget and she didn’t contribute to that group chat either. I had my bridal shower in May and I got a text the morning of that my cousin was sick. I was totally understanding! It happens. My uncle didn’t know she wasn’t there until he saw photos from my mom and he was very upset she didn’t go. Apparently he spoke to her the day before and she was going. Once he spoke to her afterwards she wasn’t “sick” per say but she had worked some graveyard shifts and was feeling run down that week and was scheduled the day of my shower. At this point I was disappointed but I wasn’t angry or anything. Yesterday morning, I get a text from my cousin that she’s sick. I asked her what kind of sick? Does she think she won’t be able to go on our trip? She says she will keep me posted. I’ve texted her checking in on her since and haven’t gotten a response. If she’s not going, I’m going to invite my good friend since she wants to go and the trip is non refundable. My mom, future MIL, and fiancé are pissed. They think my cousin should be kicked from the bridal party and it should go to my good friend. She went to my shower, the groomsmen’s suit fittings as support, and is often asking what she can help me with. Should my cousin be kicked out? For clarification, I come from a very big, involved Italian New Yorker family. My fiancés family is the same. Family is everything! My uncle acts like he’s the god father of this family lol and is already extremely disappointed his daughter didn’t show up to the shower, he’s paid everything already, and I’m a little scared he’s gonna be mad at me if I kick her out. &nbsp; [**[UPDATE] should I give my cousin the boot from my bridal party? A very unexpected update.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/15lie8f/update_should_i_give_my_cousin_the_boot_from_my/) - August 8 2023 My bachelorette party was this weekend and we got home Sunday evening. I ended up inviting my friend in place of my cousin since her ticket was non refundable and so was her portion of the air bnb obviously since we were still staying there. I figured if my uncle got upset, I would reimburse him for the ticket. I didn’t tell any of my bridal party that my cousin wasn’t coming to the bachelorette party, not even my two other cousins who are bridesmaids. I didn’t want to be a gossip and I wanted my uncle to know from my cousin because she never told him about not going to the bridal shower and he found out from photos. Both of my cousins expressed to me they felt she should be removed and so did my aunt, who is their mom and my mom and uncles sister. I spoke to my uncle yesterday and to say that I was shocked is an understatement. My cousin was never sick at all. She was relapsed back onto drugs and has been cheating on her husband for 6 months with a guy she works with. She thought she was pregnant until she got her period this week. She kicked her boyfriend out, but once my uncle heard he had him go back to their apartment since he earns majority of the income because my uncle is the co-signer on their apartment and wants to make sure their rent is paid. My cousin left the apartment instead, abandoned her child and gave him to her mother without discussing with her boyfriend, and is in a drug house with this other guy she’s been sleeping with for 6 months who is supplying her drugs. For context, this is the second child she’s left. Her other baby daddy has her other child and filed child abandonment against her since she moved out to another state for 9 months and wasn’t providing for them. My cousin is still texting me insisting she’s sick, because why would she tell me all of this right? Safe to say, she’s out of the wedding. At this point she probably won’t even be invited. There’s so many worse things going on with her that I can’t fit them all in this message. My uncle is not upset at all about her being removed from the bridal party and has highly encouraged me to do it. He’s not upset about the money and has bigger issues going on right now, obviously. Lesson learned here that sometimes, you gotta trust your gut that a situation isn’t good even if you can’t figure out why. Strangers on the internet aren’t going to understand that feeling of something just being OFF. **Marking as concluded as OOP has disinvited the cousin from her wedding and the current problem seems resolved.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Should I give my cousin the boot from my bridal party?

CONCLUDED

Esselleff

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15u2e7s/should_i_give_my_cousin_the_boot_from_my_bridal/

15u642t

Originally posted by u/thrrowaawayy4 in r/TwoHotTakes on July 31, '23 updated on Aug 1, '23. Bonus Post from r/Doodles on Aug 2, '23 &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Bugs!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15evhxu/aita_for_refusing_to_get_my_dormmate_a_new_pet/)** July 31, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for refusing to get my dormmate a new pet cockroach after I unknowingly killed hers?** I (20F) am taking summer classes at my college and living in a dorm of about 40 girls. A few weeks ago, my friend showed me a Snapchat private story post from “Alex” (19 or 20F), a girl on my floor. It was a video of a cockroach climbing her bedroom wall with the caption “tfw when your pet has the zoomies.” I assumed she was just making a joke out of a bug getting into her room, but my friend told me that no, she has a pet cockroach that she feeds, keeps in a “cage,” and lets out for play. We had a WTF moment but moved on. Flash forward to three days ago. I was walking down the hall to the bathroom when I encountered a massive roach on the wall. I HATE roaches, especially since there was an infestation the last time I was home. Instinctively, I smashed it with my shoe, flushed it, and cowered in residual horror for half an hour. I didn’t think much of it. Until now. Yesterday, my friends and I ran into some girls in our common room, including Alex. We stopped to talk for a bit. I was speaking with Alex and one of her friends when she asked whether I live on the floor. I said yes. Then she asked me, “Have you happened to see my roach around here?” before saying it has been missing for days. That’s when it hit me. The nasty roach I killed the other day was her pet. I froze but came clean. I said I believed I killed it, not knowing it was her pet. Alex FLIPPED out. I apologized, but it wasn’t enough. She wallowed about how she loved “Leggy” and would need to get a new roach now. She asked ME to get her one since I work with insects in my lab. I told Alex that while I am sorry for her loss, it is not fair, healthy, or hygienic to keep a pet cockroach when you live with 40 people. That they carry dangerous diseases and that breathing the air near them exposes you to illness. And that for those with asthma, roaches are very unhealthy. They will breed, and people will not want to deal with an infestation for years to come. Plus, we don’t even use roaches in my lab. Alex was livid. She accused me of animal cruelty, which was funny. One, I’m a biology major who has worked with arthropods; I know it’s unlikely roaches feel pain the way we do. Two, I’m a vegetarian, and to my knowledge, she isn’t. Her friends went off on me for being cold-hearted, accusing me of knowingly killing her pet. This was ridiculous. I said I didn’t know it was hers, but I don’t feel bad for killing a disease-carrying pest. Finally, I told her she was downright disgusting for keeping a pet roach in the first place. Alex started crying and left the room. Since then, her friends have been sending me nasty DMs. Alex has sent me tamer messages, including some insisting that I find a way to buy her a new roach if I can’t get one from my lab. Using my name, she bashed me on her private story to gain sympathy. She accused me of everything above: being a cold-hearted animal hater, knowingly targeting her, “dehumanizing” her pet, and showing no remorse. Maybe I was too harsh for calling her disgusting, but I don’t see how I’m wrong for refusing to get her a new roach and disagreeing that it’s okay to keep one. AITA here? EDIT: clarifying a few things - It was not an exotic roach bred to be a pet, it was a common house roach she found outside, trapped, and brought inside. She clearly was not taking care to ensure it wouldn’t get out. It wasn’t an actual enclosure she kept it in, it was a plastic container with a small opening. I’m just gonna assume that thing isn’t super well-secured since it got out while she was away. Or maybe it just got out during ‘play time’ when she wasn’t watching it properly. Yes, my school has rules about pets. Only fish are allowed explicitly. Dogs, cats, hamsters, reptiles, a bunch of common pets, etc., are not allowed because we live in close quarters where people have allergies and there can be sanitary issues. Roaches aren’t specified in the rules. Alex had Leggy for about 2 weeks before it went missing. We are all rising juniors. No one is a new student. Alex and I both lived in this dorm when it was more full during the school year but on different floors. &nbsp; *In the comments:* It’s not a house, it’s a dorm shared by 40 people where doors are constantly opening and closing. I live all the way on the other side of the floor in a different wing from her and it got all the way over there. It’s a health hazard more than an inconvenience or something that just visibly grosses me out. . It was absolutely not an exotic roach bred for being a pet. She told me she caught it outside and brought it in. The enclosure isn’t an actual enclosure either, it’s just a plastic container. . She herself told me she found it outside and that it was the REASON she was so upset, that it would be hard to find one “authentically” like that again. The roach was definitely running fast in that video she posted of it on her wall. I don’t really know much about her habits or anything, and so I don’t really know what play time meant other than that video, hence the zoomies. . I DID ask her why I needed to be the one to get it, and she said that it was because it’s my responsibility since I killed the roach. If she wants to go get one of the docile roaches people are talking about from the pet store and keep it in a safe enclosure, that’s her prerogative, though I still don’t know whether those are allowed under school rules. Also if she had gotten that one from the pet store, I am certain they would have given her an actual secure terrarium to keep it in. . On the kitch or unique note: my friend who is on her Snapchat thinks she 100% caught the roach and kept it as the pet so she could make stories and tiktoks about it, which she has been. There is one of her DIYing the “cage” for it from when she got the roach a few weeks ago. Idrc about that because hey, if your life is crazy go ahead and document it if you want, but my friend is very bothered. . >Look, I dislike roaches at much as the next person, but people love what they love. All the points you brought up were valid, but calling her disgusting for loving her pet (no-matter how ridiculous and disgusting you or I might find that pet) isn't okay. Especially not after you killed it. The damage was done, you should have just been firm that you were really sorry for her loss, but that you unfortunately don't feel comfortable from a health standpoint bringing another roach into the dorms, and left it at that. Offering to get her a fish might have been a decent compromise just to keep the peace, but if you weren't comfortable with that, that's fine too. >Don't tear someone down when they're grieving, even if you can't understand that grief. OP: Thanks for this thoughtful comment - I will definitely apologize to her for calling her disgusting in the morning, I usually avoid ever showing my anger like that but she and the friends were really just hurling insults. Again, I apologized to her for her loss several times before this because I truly did feel bad she was hurting, and I only got reactive when they basically called me a cold hearted animal abuser and all those other things. But I definitely should have been in more control of my emotions with that. . >I started with 30 Dubia. In three months, it turned into 500. Surprisingly clean and odorless, but I developed an allergy to their frass, and my lizard wasn't eating enough to keep the population down so I had to get rid of them. OP: That’s also what I think. I was very iffy about getting her/paying for an exotic one because of the chance she’d want more than one and they’d breed. Again, this is a shared space of 40 people and even more during the school year. They can still trigger allergies for people (assuming she doesn’t keep them secure, as she did with Leggy) if they get out. That’s why I’m frustrated with people saying I’m stupid + saying just one roach won’t do anything. It’s NEVER one because of how they breed and if you’re feeding it and keeping food out it will attract them during the day and expose people. Yes, the allergy thing was another huge issue. We had a roach infestation at home over spring break and it was horrible for my little sister. She had a hard time breathing a few months after the roaches first started popping up in the daytime. I think that there were a shit ton living in the walls for a very long time before they called in professionals. My family is rural and not rich so my dad thought he could “handle” it himself but clearly wasn’t the case. This dorm is old ask fuck like 150+ years old with a lot of dust and stuff and I’d imagine roaches love that. During the pandemic black mold started appearing in the walls after we were all out of campus. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15fh5yi/update_on_my_dormmate_wanting_me_to_buy_her_a_new/)** Aug 1, '23 &nbsp; **Update on my dormmate wanting me to buy her a new pet roach** Thanks to everyone who gave me advice on how to handle this. I did respond to “Alex’s” messages this morning apologizing for calling her disgusting, because I would not have insulted her like that if the friends hadn’t attacked me first. I did not apologize for giving her reasons for why common roaches are not appropriate to keep in the dorm. I didn’t say those things to mock her grief, and I wouldn’t have gone into them had she not pushed back over and over again when I said I would not be buying her a new roach. She didn’t seem to be mad about either of these things though. Alex said sorry for her friends harassing me over DMs (nothing about her own private story post) but insisted again I get her the new roach. As some of you suggested, I told her that I didn’t personally have a problem with her keeping an exotic roach bred to be a pet in a secure terrarium where she did not let it out, but I would need to ask the RA whether this is even allowed. I still don’t think it’s a great idea for her to keep these because knowing the little I do about her pet-handling habits, she hasn’t taken efforts to make sure the roach is well-secured and it wouldn’t stop someone else from killing it if it got out. but that’s not my problem. My friend on the private story and I went to our summer RA about it this morning, and we showed her Alex’s post about me, the friends’ messages, and her TikToks with the roach as proof. As predicted, she said keeping ANY kind of roach is most certainly not allowed. She was appalled. She told me to sit the rest of this out and that she would handle talking to Alex. More context on all of this: I left a lot of info out about Alex because I didn’t want to make the original post too long, plus this situation is about my actions/her anger and not her herself. But I figured I’d give it now because it might be insightful into her state of mind + the Leggy stuff. I have never thought Alex was super weird or anything. It’s really just her friends who have that rep. My friend thinks she’s weird because of social media posts she’s made, but I’m not on Snapchat so I don’t see that side. I also hadn’t seen her Tiktoks until another friend (who was present when I told Alex I think I killed the roach) showed me them. Basically, she has made five or six tiktoks since getting Leggy two weeks ago including: the story of how she caught it her with her friends, making the cage + Leggy in the cage + “sealing” the gap under her door (this clearly was not effective), Leggy running around, and a short one most recently that was like “RIP Leggy.” I think she wanted these to go viral but they did not. For the few people who have said this is too crazy to be real, I WISH I could post screenshots here but I don’t want to open the door to doxxing her. There also seem to be MANY posts where people just have their pet roaches (mostly the exotic ones) out of the enclosures so maybe she thought it would be okay due to those. We take 2-3 classes in the summer so I guess she just has a lot of free time. I go to a small women’s liberal arts school, and for those of you who don’t have experience with these, people tend to be very… quirky. I was shocked at Alex keeping a wild roach as a pet (and even her having any roach at all in a shared dorm in the first place; I believed she had an exotic one before she told me it was wild), but not surprised. This is the craziest thing to ever happen to me here, but definitely not the craziest thing in general. People in the past year have done shit like letting a homeless man they made friends with camp out in an empty bedroom, TAKING SHITS IN THE SHOWERS, putting Nair in roommates’ shampoo bottles for stealing a girlfriend (definitely took idea from the Internet), etc. Also, I suggested she just catch another roach if she really wants another one ASAP since that’s how she got the first one, but she claimed she’d never seen one here before this. She asked me to get her one because of my lab work (I don’t think she cares whether it’s common or exotic), but when I said we don’t have those in my lab, she said I needed to be the one to get it because it was my “responsibility” since I killed the first one. I’m just not gonna do that no matter what, because again, this is a shared dorm where anyone would likely see a roach and just kill it, or in a few cases, maybe trap it and let it out outside. It’s also literally just against the rules. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >I made a new acc just to comment this bc omfg I think I know this girl. Like I went to a prep boarding hs and there was a semi crazy girl in my dorm who had a pet roach in her room that I learned about from snap. Idt it got out or anything bc it would have caused a big stir. I only saw it once on the story and never rly heard ab it again. I did not know her super well but some of my friends were formerly close with her and there are STORIES. anyways she goes to a womens college now and I am also a rising junior so could be the same girl. >PS there have also been prolific shower shitters at my college. I go to Yale. OP: I’ve gotten a few private messages saying similar stuff. The names from the people in PM haven’t lined up with her actual name (it’s pretty uncommon), but one of them did name my school. I don’t know whether it’s people trolling but if it’s real, RIP for the fact that this is happening elsewhere. . >I doubt this story is even real. But if it is, it's likely roach girl is trying to get you to move rooms, so she ends up with a single for the cost of a double. OP: I wish this shit wasn’t real but here I am getting harassed by crazy girls on Instagram. But anyways I don’t even live in a double with her, I saw the roach in the hallway. It escaped her room. &nbsp; **Bonus Post from r/Doodles by u/mcland** **[Aftermath, me, pencil, 2011 (in response to RIP Leggy)](https://www.reddit.com/r/doodles/comments/15gesxm/aftermath_me_pencil_2011_in_response_to_rip_leggy/)** Aug 2, '23 &nbsp; *An image is posted of a pencil drawing. An exhausted woman is depicted in the floor, surrounded by cans of bug spray, and it's clear she has been in battle with an infestation of roaches.* [The drawing](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fjy2lvy1cdqfb1.jpg) &nbsp; After reading the post about Leggy the cockroach, from u/thrrowaawayy4, it reminded me of this old doodle of mine. Art with storytime The year is 2011 and I'm home from college and living with an acquaintance for the summer in his folks' house, and it is INFESTED with cockroaches. The kitchen at night looks like that bug tunnel scene in that one Indiana Jones movie. You have to wash clean plates before eating off them. There's half a centimeter of brown powder (💩) in all the drawers. They have become super mutant intelligent cockroaches from all the half-baked, unsuccessful attempts to kill them. They rappel off the wall to escape if you miss hitting them, the only way to poison them is if they eat it. I'm posting about this all summer and from a friend's comment, comes this absolute masterpiece of a sketch (art by me). I don't even have to dig up the comment. I finally escaped and went back to school for the next semester, but of course was leary of taking cockroaches with me in my stuff, so set several traps. Few months go by and I haven't seen a roach in weeks. One morning I can't find my glasses and in my frustration, throw and break my alarm clock. I'm very blind and can't see anything, but running late, go to my first class. When I come back to the dorm, I find my glasses and look at the devastation that was my clock only to find pieces of roach bodies cut up and mangled in the ruins. They crawled in there as babies, grew too big and got stuck ☠ I never did see another roach, as I kept my room very food-free, but who knows how many mutant roaches I set loose in that building. To this day I still have almost a phobia of cockroaches. Thanks for sticking in there til the end, reward yourself with a fruit snack or something 💚 &nbsp; *The original OP is tagged in the r/Doodles post. u/thrrowaawayy4 comments on the post:* >I love this. Have to say it sounds MUCH more horrific than the Leggy chronicles. Does sound like the roach infestation formerly at my parents’ house though, which was unfortunately recent. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for refusing to get my dormmate a new pet cockroach after I unknowingly killed hers?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15u642t/aita_for_refusing_to_get_my_dormmate_a_new_pet/

15u9ns6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ambitious_Thread **I found out that my (24F) close friend (21F) has fabricated most of her life....What do I do?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!mention of suicide/self harm, miscarriage and abortion, and mental health, Lies, Manipulation, theft, brief mention of fake cancer, brief mention of real cancer, brief mention of drugs. Brief mention of gun violence!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15gbcgv/i_found_out_that_my_24f_close_friend_21f_has/) **Aug 2, 2023** This all came to light after I tried to do something nice for my friend, who I'll call Jessie. Just for clarification, the other names that will be used are Bee (my best friend), Sharon (my best friend's little sister), and Jack (a mutual friend). This post is going to be long, but you need all the information. I don't even know how to put it into words. **Important Backstory:** I met Jessie through Bee and Sharon. Jessie was Sharon's high school best friend, and because Bee and I live together, we would all hang out as a group. Jessie seemed to take a liking to hanging out with Bee and I about 2 years ago, and started hanging around us more. She quickly became one of our very close friends. Bee and Sharon's father passed away from brain cancer in September of 2022, so less than a year ago. He was also like a father to me, because I have no had a father figure for the past 12 years of my life. Jessie has a childhood history of lying, which we attributed to her being the youngest sister and the fact that she didn't have many friends growing up. **Anyway......** I have a large friend group (maybe 8-10 people) outside of Bee and Jessie. After he passed, I ended up introducing both Bee and Jessie to this friend group (I want to say around November/December of 2022), as Sharon got a boyfriend and started to spend most of her time with him. Jessie latched onto the group and got comfortable enough to hang out with them without me around. I was glad to see this, and I involved her in almost every aspect of my life because my friend group is truly like my family. She uses Bee and I's car frequently as she doesn't have her own, Bee got her a job at the restaurant she worked at, etc. We buy food at our apartment we know she likes, she eats dinner that I cook, drinks our alcohol, etc. She has never offered to pay us back/contribute to food and alcohol consumption/etc., but we figured she was just forgetful. Shortly after I introduced her to the group, she confided in everyone that her mom may have lung cancer. We all were there for her and supported her while she was waiting for the test results. When they came back positive, we all offered to cook meals and send cards and letters, but Jessie declined stating that none of that was necessary - it was caught early and she just needed to have it removed. We never heard anything else about it, other than her mom was doing fine. In late March, she started casually seeing a member of the friend group named Jack; he lives about an hour away from us, but visits the group when he can. I had also been seeing someone who I'll call Peter. Jessie said that she and Jack had gotten really close, that they were possibly talking about dating, but that they were probably going to hold off because of the distance. Jessie said she introduced Jack to her horse, that he would come stay at her parents house, etc. During this time, she also got a new job as an engineer at a very prestigious company that was out of the area. She quit working for Bee's job (serving/hosing). It started as an internship, but transitioned into more. She said that it was a mostly work from home position, and that it paid incredibly well, even saying she had one of our friends look over When my birthday came around in June, we planned a big party in our friend group because two of our other friends have birthdays around the same time. It was a costume party (yes, in June) where you show up as either a hero or a villain. About 2 hours before the party was supposed to start, Jessie texted Bee saying her mother had tried to commit suicide and was in the hospital, but that Jessie was still going to try and come to the party, just without a costume. I was very understanding. When she arrived, she took Bee and some of my other close friends into a private room away from the party and explained in detail what happened (that she was the one who found her mom, she had to call 9-11, it was very traumatic, etc.). Everyone still had fun, but it took a lot of joy away from the party. At the time, I was trying not to be upset/selfish because I knew that her mom was important to her and that all of our friends were here so she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Right after my birthday, I found out that Peter was manipulating me and everyone else in my friend group into thinking he wanted a relationship with me, told me he wanted me to move cross country with him, etc. only to find out that that was all a lie and he was using me for emotional intimacy. While I was going through this, Jessie was saying that Jack was doing the exact same thing to her. We sat on the couch and grieved together. I was sad for her. She dragged his name through the mud in our friend group, but continued to say she was seeing him casually/just for sex now without any emotional involvement. A few days ago, maybe about a week or so, Jessie confided in us that her mother's cancer had possibly come back. She had the scan results in a matter of days (she had been saying that her uncle worked for some doctors hospital and was able to expedite results), and said they were positive. We were there for her. Very long story shortened as much as I can, I decided to do something nice for Jessie to try and show that I care. I am autistic, and I have a hard time offering physical and emotional comfort. I am an artist, and I was trying to draw her a picture of her horse and paint it with watercolors. I realized that I didn't have any pictures of her horse, so I reached out to Jack and asked for a description/picture since I knew he had met her. He responded with "Jessie has a horse?". I thought he was joking at first, but I very quickly realized he had no idea what I was talking about. Turns out, he and Jessie hadn't been seeing each other at all. They had slept together a few times in April, but had cut it off after that. He provided screenshots of their conversations since then, and it was captured in 2 pictures. He also provided time stamped photos of him literally out of state when she said that they supposedly were together. This started an entire spiral of realizing that nothing she had ever said actually made sense. I reverse image searched a photo she had sent us (an incredibly grainy one) of her at a rodeo, and it was literally a doctored stock image. This is the only picture of her with a horse that she has ever sent and that I have ever seen - there is none on her social media or on her phone. I asked everyone in our friend group, and no one had seen pictures of her horse and it isn't on any of her social media. There's almost no way that she has this job at this big company, because she never graduated college and her position requires a college education. She also had previously used Bee's laptop to "work", but upon checking computer history, the only thing it shows she was working on was a DnD campaign. She also is never in the location that the company is actually in, always seems to "have the day off with PTO" or be done with her work, and conveniently never has her card on her to pay for things or is locked out of her cashapp/venmo and will "bring cash" the next time she sees us.....but somehow always forgets that she owes us money, almost as if she doesn't have any money to give us. She literally told Jack that she had a Skyline GTR (type of car with a base price of over $100k), but that she wrecked it. Neither Bee nor I have ever heard of this story. I started to remember things she told us that just didn't make any sense and felt like they had been taken out of our own lives.....She said she was robbed at gunpoint, but the timeline of the police making an arrest and returning her belongings (less than 24 hours) made no sense. I would know because I was robbed two years ago and had to testify in court because he stole my car. I have a copy of the security footage of my phone because I had to turn it into my insurance. I have also had a gun put to my head by an ex partner who I literally had to have arrested. She said her mom attempted suicide but Jessie's location never once said she was at a hospital (all of us share our locations with each other), and Bee has seen her mom over facetime since then.....no scars where there definitely would have been based on the details that Jessie provided. And the cancer.......I think that there was likely some sort of scare, but I don't know that I believe her mom was ever actually diagnosed. Especially not this second time. My grandad and Bee's dad passed from cancer....I know how long it takes to get those results, because waiting is agonizing. I have proof that at the time Jessie says she was at the hospital with her mom who was having multiple seizures literally last night, her location shows her sitting at home. Things in our home have also gone missing.....chargers, grinders and their contents, clothing, etc. Jessie is always the first to blame other people that have been in our home, but she literally has access to our apartment at all times. She has been there before when we aren't home. What if she's been having people over and claiming it's /her/ apartment? Stuff has been moved and things have gone missing. I literally don't know what to do or how to process any of this. I did some sleuthing and messaged her sisters on Instagram asking for a photo of Jessie's horse and offering my support with their mothers diagnosis. I'm anxiously awaiting a response. In the meantime, Bee and I have to see her tonight and put on the performance of a lifetime. Even if she isn't lying about her mom (although all of the other evidence I don't have the energy or ability to describe in this post points to the fact that it's all fake), the way that she manipulated me into offering her support during one of the lowest times of my life and lied about my friend to our entire friend group is enough for me to cut her off. I'm just trying to let the right pieces fall into place and get as much information as I can before I confront her with printed screenshots. We lied and said they were doing a battery check on our key fobs, and asked her to bring hers with her tonight, as well as all of the clothes that she has of ours so we can take inventory and figure out what we need to buy for our winter wardrobe. She will not be getting the fob back or be borrowing any clothes. She will absolutely not be coming back with us to our apartment to stay and won't be left alone with any of our belongings. ​ What the hell do I do? How do I tell the rest of the shared friend group that she's been lying the whole time....I don't understand why she would lie about any of this or the other things she's just invented. Is this some sort of mental illness that can be treated? Please help. Any thoughts or advice are helpful. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Examples of some other possible (likely) lies: - She is a licensed mechanic (she wasn't able to help me with an oil change because she didn't know how, which I thought was suspicious). - She got kicked out of a Zack Bryan concert because the girl in front of her was making fun of her doc martens and she fought her; She drove my car to the concert (returned it with an empty tank and did not offer to put gas into it), but she never posted any pictures of the concert or the event and she always does this. - Her dad was abusive (said this after she found out that my dad assaulted me) - Her ex was abusive (said this after she found out that I survived two DV relationships) - She had a large "SLUT" tattoo removed from her abdomen and they used a special cream to make sure it didn't scar (to my knowledge there is no such thing and no evidence or picture of said tattoo) - Jack gave her a Patagonia jacket to keep and remember him by while he wasn't with her because it didn't fit him right (he denied this and says that he accidentally left it in her car when she gave him a ride to a bar and used to wear it every day for work) - She had an abortion at 6-7 months (said this after she found out about my abortion due to the DV situation I was in, claimed it was for the same reason) - Said she vacuumed Bee's floor after staying in our house for 5 days (she has psoriasis and sheds all over the house....the vacuum was in the exact same spot that it was when I had last used it the day prior in the living room, and when Bee swept the floor, it wasn't clean at all. There were flakes literally everywhere.) There are so so so many more but I am already blown away by this. My brain is literally mush at this point. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15ob1fq/update_i_found_out_that_my_24f_close_friend_21f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 11, 2023** I think I'm posting this update right - I don't really know how to use reddit. Thank you to everyone who commented on my initial post, your words of encouragement and validation really means a lot. The link to the original post should be attached. Now onto the requested update. Bee, Sharon, and I took Jesse out to a Mexican restaurant and waited until she ordered her food and drink before we started the official intervention. She has a nasty habit of "leaving her wallet at home" or "getting locked out of her bank account/venmo/cashapp", so we had all agreed not to cover any part of her tab and to turn her information over to the server/manager if she tried to dine and dash. She was supposed to bring my pair of shorts, as well as a $50.00 bill to pay me back from buying her Barbenheimer tickets + the shared alcohol we pregamed with as a group. As soon as she sat down, she was going in on how stressful her day at work was and how she had screwed up something major in the companies budget, etc. (we had to straight faced listen without letting on that we knew it was all bullshit - one of the hardest things I've ever had to do). After we placed our food order, I made eye contact with Bee and Sharon and pulled out my phone. I set it to the "voice memo record" and placed it facedown on the table. I was sitting beside her, and Bee and Sharon were sitting across from her. I started the intervention by giving her the opportunity to be honest. We let her know that we knew she had been lying about things, and that she had this one opportunity to save her ass and explain everything. She said she had no idea what we were talking about, and pretended to think back on "everything", saying she couldn't think of anything we were talking about. I asked her if she needed any assistance, and she said yes. I pulled out a screenshot of the blueprint she had sent us claiming to be her work. Right as I put it on the table, she said "oh, that." and then the food came out. She made a big show of hiding the printout from the servers. After the server walked away, I asked her to bring out the blueprints because they weren't classified. She tried to say she uses templates for her job, but I told her that we knew that wasn't what it was. She then said "Ok. *sigh* So these are from Nasa" and I immediatley cut her off and said "try again". And it just went to shit from there. She just tried to double down the entire time, and Sharon, Bee or I would have to stop her and sat "hmm, no that's not true" or "almost there." We were in the restaurant for 3 hours, recording for 2 of the 3. I'll give you some of the highlights: - Tried to say that her location showed she was home every time she said she was at the hospital with her mom because she could "switch whos location her apple account showed her Find My Friends". I asked her to show me how to do it, and she couldn't. - Tried to say that her family had to sell the farm for cancer treatments, but that it wasn't as big as she had said it was. I asked for pictures/an address to the farm, and she couldn't provide this. Eventually tried to say that her family sold the farm a year ago, but couldn't provide any information. - Tried to say that she did actually work for this big company, but that she was just a paid intern. When I showed her the job listing from the company website, proving it was 100% onsite and that she didn't have the required experience, she had nothing to say. - Her mom never tried to hurt herself, she was just "really sad". - Finally came clean and said she was using drugs again (meaning every time she was driving Bee or I's car for a work meeting or business trip, she was just buying drugs.) This explains some of the lies, as she was using them for a cover, but there were just other things she lied about for literally no reason. This also explains the missing cash, clothes, and items around our apartment. If she didn't have a job, she was likely selling or trading our stuff. ^^while this is very sad (my sister and ex partner were both addicted to several drugs), it's not an excuse for her behavior or manipulation. After a while, she came through about some stuff, but not everything. We plan to talk to her family this weekend about our concerns for her mental health and drug use. She tried to say she had already told them about everything.....but who would let their 21 year old daughter take their car 20 minutes away to go get margaritas with her friends after coming clean to them about addiction and manipulation? I really think Jessie thinks we're stupid. When we got the bills for our dinners, her meal and drink was $16.00 and she only brought $18.00 in one's (meaning she tipped fuckin $2). She was going over to a mutual friend's house (we'll call him Calvin, I don't think I included this in my original post). Jessie has been trying to romantically pursue Calvin, and we told her that she needed to tell him the truth by midnight that night, as well as come clean to the rest of the friend group about everything, or else we would do it for her. Low and behold, she continued to try and lie to him - telling him half truths, leaving things out, and other times still flat out lying. I don't know why she didn't think we would follow up with him, but he was able to provide little to no detail matching what we had on recording. He was very angry and wrote her off completely. She also never came clean to anyone else in our friend group, so as promised, I typed out a message and sent it to a groupchat (that included her), as well as offered to provide screenshots and the voicememo. She is still trying to lie and manipulate the situation so that we look like the bad guys to people she thinks we haven't told yet. She still hasn't sent me my $50.00, but she has a shift at the restaurant coming up, and I'll be stopping by to ask for it in person. I've been sending her daily reminder texts and have received no response. Sorry for the long update - ask any questions in the comments if necessary! It has truly been a wild wild week. XOXO <3 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I found out that my (24F) close friend (21F) has fabricated most of her life....What do I do?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15u9ns6/i_found_out_that_my_24f_close_friend_21f_has/

15u9syq

**I am not The OOP's, OOP's are** u/Quirky_Border_8383 & u/Loud_Werewolf3123 **Original BoRU was posted by u/littlejbean [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wn0jgx/aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_about_our_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **AITA for not telling my ex about our child?** **Thank you to u/czechtheboxes for finding the newest post** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole & r/Advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!verbal abuse!< [AITA for not telling my ex about our child](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wiwivp/comment/ije0wdh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 8, 2022** **Posted by** u/Quirky_Border_8383 **AITA for not telling my ex about our child** I was 18 when I got pregnant with my daughter (9f). I was young and dumb I admit that. Her father and I broke up before I found out - high school sweethearts. At the time we were both figuring out college and I knew if I told him he wouldn’t go to the Ivy League school he was accepted into. So I didn’t tell him during pregnancy. He heard rumors but never asked. When the baby was born I tried to tell him. He didn’t believe me. Blocked me on everything and I decided to provide for her without his help. I bring my daughter everywhere and this particular day we went to Target. I’m walking down the shampoo aisle with my daughter and when I looked up I saw my ex’s mom. I have never lied to my daughter about who her father was or his parents. She has seen pictures. When she was little and asked where he was I explained college and when she got older I never painted him as the bad guy. I’ve always told her mommy made adult decisions too young. My daughter is the spitting image of her father so there’s no denying it’s his child. Once she saw her she had a face like she knew something and asked me how old she was. She told me she had heard rumors but didn’t think they were true. Once I told her i saw her face put the connection together. I explained I wanted to contact him but didn’t have a way to. (I didn’t bother telling her I tried when she was born.) She understood and asked if she could tell him. I said of course. Apparently he’s been living a couple hours away which is why I never ran into him and they moved a few towns over. My ex called and invited me to his parents house for dinner tomorrow with our daughter. Do I go? His new girlfriend is blowing up my social media calling me an AH. She says I’m only telling him now so they break up and how I’m a horrible mother for not telling him sooner. As if I don’t feel bad enough my daughter has missed out this long. My daughter wants to meet her dad. She understandably has questions. **VERDICT: POST REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [Update 1 - Do I go to dinner with my ex so he can meet his 9 yo daughter?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/wjb9sz/do_i_go_to_dinner_with_my_ex_so_he_can_meet_his_9/) **Aug 8, 2022** **Do I go to dinner with my ex so he can meet his 9 yo daughter?** AITA for not telling my ex about our child? I was 18 when I got pregnant with my daughter (9f). I was young and dumb I admit that. Her father and I broke up before I found out - high school sweethearts. See attached link for remainder of story prior to edits. /r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wiwivp/aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_about_our_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf[AITA post](/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wiwivp/aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_about_our_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Edit 2: My ex and I met for coffee. It actually went really well. There was no big emotions; we both just talked it out. He wants to be involved with his daughters life and feels badly he’s missed out on so many years. We talked about her favorite things, favorite foods, favorite places, favorite books, and movies. I even told him some of the ways she was a lot like him growing up. He does want to apologize to her directly when he meets her. He said he wished things had gone differently back then but we both decided we need to forgive each other to move forward for her. He asked if she had a father figure right now (a spouse of mine or current significant other) as he wanted to make sure we were on the same page when he met her and I explained that’s not the case. He also did show me the messages where he told his parents and his girlfriend what actually happened 9 years ago. He told them I’m not completely to blame and I let him know he isn’t either. We have agreed our daughter doesn’t need to hear the whole version of events but we do owe her an apology for making really big decisions that affected her life for so long. I guess we’ll see how dinner goes. Update on dinner: Prior to the dinner I let my daughter know that if she wanted to leave early we could or if she felt uncomfortable at all to let me know. I also told her if she didn’t want to say anything in front of anyone (sometimes kids don’t want to hurt other peoples feelings) that if she asked me for lotion I would know that meant she wanted to leave. On our way there she did ask if it was okay if she called him dad or if she would call him by his name and I told her that her dad and I had talked about that and she can call him whatever she’s comfortable with. We went there and it went really well. We brought some pictures of her growing up and my ex’s mom went out and bought one of our daughters favorite books for her to read so that they could talk about it. I could tell my daughter was a little nervous at first not knowing what to expect but that very quickly changed. They had bought a small activity for them to do with her after dinner which she loved. Her dad and I also apologized to her together for making decisions that affected her life this long. We promised her to work on making sure she had a good relationship moving forward with both of us because we know her heart is big enough for all of her family. At the end of the night my ex’s mom actually brought out a box that had all our high school memories inside. I didn’t realize she had kept any of it. A jewelry box he bought me, a couple charms and bracelet he had bought me, pictures, his handkerchief from prom, and our old promise ring. She was really excited to see a small glimpse from our past. Her dad even told her she could have the items once she’s older which for her meant a lot (she’s a very emotional and sentimental child). They talked about how he’s going to help her with some homework if she wants and he’s planning on moving back around here to be closer to her. He even volunteered to help with her first science fair if that was okay (which made me sad for a split second and then I remembered I’ve had 9 years of firsts with her so he can have this one). All in all I think everything is going really well. Also apparently the girlfriend is out of the picture - I don’t know the details but I know she said some things when he confronted her about the messages she sent me and it got ugly fast. On the way home she was so excited she couldn’t stop talking about dad and grandma and grandpa. It made my heart happy she had so much fun. I know some people were asking about child support. Him and I had a conversation around it while she was spending a few minutes with her grandparents. He volunteered to pay child support. I’ve been paying for her things on my own for so long that I told him I think it would be more beneficial for him to help me with things going forward and to contribute the rest to her college fund. That way the money is going into her future. I do have an appointment set up with her therapist tomorrow just so she can talk to her about it and everything. Dad is also going to start occasionally going to therapy with her too. I do it periodically as well so we thought it would be beneficial. Update: For everyone asking for updates our daughters first day of school is coming up. Dad and grandparents are coming to my house on her first day of school for pictures. She called and asked them to come and no one hesitated to take the morning off of work. Update: She had her first day of school. Dad and I both brought her and picked her up. Her grandparents came to take pictures before we left the house too. We both are going to go to the parent teacher conferences from now on too. After the first day we all went to get ice cream (it was a tradition her dad and I did after the first day of school every year when we were dating and I always did it with her when she started school). She’s been extremely happy and is doing really well having dad around. (She also uses the word dad every chance she gets right now lol.) She has also decided her grandma makes the best lasagna and no one can tell her differently. [Update 2 - AITA for telling my daughter that her dad and I will never get back together?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x2plfv/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_her_dad_and_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 31, 2022** **AITA for telling my daughter that her dad and I will never get back together?** I (f) have a daughter with my ex (m). My daughter didn’t know her dad for a long time and recently met him (there’s a previous story on here if you’d like the background info). Recently our daughter has been “hinting” that she wants mommy and daddy to get back together. We haven’t dated in about a decade and we’re both single but just interested in him having a relationship with his daughter. I explained to her that wouldn’t happen because I don’t want her to get her hopes up about something that isn’t happening. She cried (a lot) saying it’s unfair and how her dad is a great guy so she doesn’t understand why I won’t consider it. Our daughter has an iPad and I allow her to call any family she wants with it. She called her dad and grandparents. Her grandparents think I was a little harsh telling her it wouldn’t happen. I feel awful my daughter is upset but I also didn’t want her to have her hopes up. AITA? Edit: My ex just called me to let me know when she called him she didn’t tell him what I said but instead asked him the same question. (He didn’t realize she asked me the same thing) It was within minutes of her and I talking so I didn’t have a chance to touch base with him about the conversation. He told her that he would like it if mommy and daddy could be together one day and have her experience a family like that and that only the future will know what will happen. (He didn’t intentionally say the opposite of me he just didn’t know how I responded to the question.) So I think she’s now upset with me because she feels like I rejected her dad. Update: We’ve made an appointment to see her therapist. The plan is for him and I to also start attending therapy together just to help navigate this coparenting journey since it’s so new to us both. We’re also going to have family therapy sessions all together to further explain to her some of these harder questions. She’ll also continue her individual therapy to make sure she can express her feelings without us present as well. The therapist also thinks it’s a good idea for her and her dad to do an activity together. That way they can bond and learn what they have in common more. Example: sports, a class, etc. We’re looking into some of those options in our area. Update: Her dad and I have officially started “dating” again. We went on an official first date and decided to go on some more and see what happens. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update 3 - When do I tell my daughter I’m pregnant?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1378ccq/when_do_i_tell_my_daughter_im_pregnant/) **May 4, 2023** **When do I tell my daughter I’m pregnant?** My daughters father and I have recently rekindled our relationship. She met him a little less than a year ago after 9 years of not knowing each other. She’s loved having him and his family in her life. Everything has been absolutely wonderful and he is fully moved in with us. Recently we found out I’m 13 weeks pregnant. We haven’t told anyone and wanted to tell our daughter first. So when do you think would be a good time to tell her? And how would you tell her? Just for context she has been saying how cool it would be recently to have a sibling. [AITA for yelling at someone in front of her child at a work event?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15mjcgd/aita_for_yelling_at_someone_in_front_of_her_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 9, 2023** **Posted by** u/Loud_Werewolf3123 **AITA for yelling at someone in front of her child at a work event?** Throw away account I’m sure you all remember a story about a year ago about the mom who ran into her child’s grandmother at a grocery store and the dad found out about his child. So wholesome right? Well I was the one dating that man. He told me nothing was happening between them and that they were just being friends for their daughter. Broke up with me because I said he shouldn’t rush into being close with a child he only just found out is his. Him and I work together on the same team and he has never mentioned to me they got back together. Never mentioned he moved in with them. The other day we had a work event and when I looked up I saw him walk in with her and their daughter. It’s like he’s trying to throw it in my face that their this big, happy, family all of a sudden. He was introducing her to everyone and she actually said hi to me and introduced herself as if she didn’t even know who I was. But while they were talking to our coworkers what really set me off was when she was saying how wonderful of a father he’s been, how much their daughter loves him and his family, and how helpful he’s been since moving in. So I decided to loudly tell everybody how much of a piece of garbage she is for not telling him sooner and how he was never a father. Then when everyone was telling me to stop or to calm down she had the audacity to say “it’s okay she has a right to feel that way. We’ve all made bad choices in life and I won’t lie and say that was my greatest choice.” Like excuse me?? So I told her it wasn’t a bad choice she ruined a man’s chance at being a father. I wish I could tag her. But my coworkers are saying it wasn’t called for and that she was “so nice and kind.” And how I shouldn’t have done that in front of their child. I think he should have warned me he was bringing them. That’s not a kind person in my book. So I’ll ask you guys. AITA? **VERDICT: POST REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Loud_Werewolf3123** >And she could have told him sooner or if she really believed he was the father she could have brought him to court for a paternity test. Instead she waited until he was happy with someone else **OOP replied** >Or he could have requested a paternity test. >He chose to block her instead. She reached out and told him he was a father and he refused any future contact by blocking her. That's on him. * **Prudent_Fold190** >YTA, you embarrassed yourself and him in front of your work colleagues and now you seem petty and vindictive. >He is allowed to be happy with his family in public, not everything is about you. **OOP replied** >I wasn’t embarrassed and he didn’t seem Embarrassed either. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for not telling my ex about our child?

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15u9syq/aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_about_our_child/

15umtgk

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OneTop3934 in r/TrueOffMyChest** &nbsp; trigger warnings: >!infidelity, GPS tracking/voice recording, violence!< &nbsp; [Part 2 continues here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15umtyj/im_getting_married_in_2_weeks_and_i_am_totally/) &nbsp; --- &nbsp; [**I'm getting married in 2 weeks and I am totally screwed**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15gxcur/im_getting_married_in_2_weeks_and_i_am_totally/) - Aug 3, 2023 I literally need to get this off my chest, I feel like I am going insane. My fiancée "Sarah" (28F) and me (34m) have known each other for about 6 years, engaged for 1. Our wedding is scheduled to take place in just two weeks and I just witnessed something that is making me feel like I am making the biggest mistake in my life. Tonight Sarah and I were taking a rare opportunity to relax at home. Sarah was in the kitchen making dinner while I was out back working on one of my projects (we live on acreage and I am building a pagoda/firepit in the back yard that we were planning on using this fall). Anyway, as you do when you're doing heavy labor I get thirsty and come back to the house to get a drink where I see Sarah at the counter preparing diner and talking on speakerphone. I recognize the voice instantly as my brother in law "Marty". Now, this is where my brain gets totally twisted - Marty asks Sarah where her sister Evelyn is as he's been trying to get in contact with her and she's not answering texts and I hear Sarah say to him, "She just left here, she should be home in a half hour or so." It should be noted that Evelyn is Marty's wife of 5 years. I have to admit that I didn't immediately register what she had just said, because I went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass and asked Sarah "What was that all about?" and she responds with "Marty was looking for Evie". I see her texting and I ask her "What are you doing?" and she says "I'm texting Evie that Marty was looking for her." Anyway, I pour myself a drink, sit down, have a sip and then finally my brain starts to work. First off - I heard Sarah tell Marty that Evelyn was here. Evelyn was not here and the last time we saw her was yesterday when she came over to work on some last minute wedding decoration stuff with Sarah. Secondly - Why is she texting Evelyn and expecting a response when I distinctly heard Marty that Evelyn wasn't answering her texts. Lastly - Why the hell would she tell Marty that Evelyn should be back in 30 minutes unless she either knows where she is (then why did she lie?) or she is, right now in front of me, texting her to tell her to get her butt home quickly. The only conclusion that I came up with is that Sarah is lying to Marty about the whereabouts of her sister (Marty's wife) and is probably warning Evie that Marty will expect her home in half an hour. I then spent probably the next 5 hours concocting various explanations for this behavior, some decent, some down right horrible, and playing them back in my head. I wanted, REALLY BADLY to ask Sarah about this, but at the same time if what I think is going on is going on, then I doubted I'd get a straight answer. Which brings me to about an hour ago. I woke up around 1am to use the toilet and I couldn't resist the urge to check Sarah's phone. We both know each others pins so this wasn't a difficult thing to do. Anyway, I grabbed the phone, retreated to the bathroom and unlocked it and yup - it was exactly what I was afraid of and probably what most of you were expecting. Sarah's sister Evelyn has been having an affair for about 6 months with a coworker and Sarah has been helping Evelyn cover it up for almost that entire time. There are literally hundreds of texts between them discussing it, discussing the coworker, discussing sex stuff, really embarrassing things about my brother in law (and probably uncharitable) just stuff that makes my stomach churn and here is my soon to be wife going along with all of it without batting an eye. I took some screen shots of the entire thread, put the phone back where I found it and then retreated to my home office to find myself here typing it all out on Reddit simply so I can avoid the primal scream that wants to come out of my mouth right now. I am, totally 100% screwed. Reddit - I cannot marry Sarah. I just cannot do it. I can't think of any reasonable excuse she could offer me about assisting her sister in this affair and victimizing not only Marty, but their 2 year old daughter as well. On the other hand - Myself, my family, Sarah and her family, have all sunk an enormous amount of money into a wedding that is supposed to happen in around 2 weeks. There is no way we are getting any of that money back. On top of that, I feel like an absolute fool - like how did I not know this woman was like this? And what the hell am I going to do? I can't marry her, I absolutely cannot. However, I still want to - she's beautiful and fun and kind and I thought we had a bright future ahead of us. She's never done anything wrong to me - but I just can't see her the same now. It's like a big black stain on an otherwise beautiful picture. I just don't know how the fuck I got this so wrong and I'm absolutely dreading doing what I know I need to do. I feel like I want to vomit or break something. EDIT: Guys, you don't need to convince me to not marry Sarah. That's obvious - the wedding is off. I'm just trying to figure out my next steps and work up the nerve to do it. There's an incredible amount of pressure on me from the expectations of everyone, but I'm not going to buckle under it - I just am NOT relishing having to deal with the fallout and I'm more than a little angry that I'm in this situation. EDIT 2: It's 5am, I have work in 3 hours and I'm running off a couple hours of sleep. I'm going to take a shower and head into work a little early to avoid Sarah and stew on this. Thanks to the supportive people here and a big raspberry to the dillholes who keep saying I should figure out whatever "good reason" my soon to be ex fiancée had for this garbage. EDIT 3: I got into work around 7, no one was in the office so I decided to start pulling off the band aid and I called my brother. He lives in Australia so he was still up after having just put his kids to bed. It was hard breaking the news to him about this because I know he has laid out a huge amount of money for flights for him and his family to come, but to his credit as an older brother he didn't mention it one time and just backed me up. He made a great point too - he said (totally paraphrasing) "You work in a job where you have to deal with liars and scammers day in and day out, I don't blame you for wanting to have somewhere to go where this isn't a concern." He was totally right about that and I get now why I am reacting so strongly to Sarah's participation in this deceit. He also had a great idea - He was going to take his family down to Florida to do some sight seeing and visit the parks, well now the kids will be accompanied by their uncle as well. It should be easy since we were going to honeymoon there as well and we were planning on meeting them for a bit anyway. I'll just rebook everything to be closer to him and his family and I'll offer Sarah's ticket to either my sister or another family member. I haven't had time to read everyones comments, but I have answered a few - right now I'm just sort of making myself sick by drinking cup after cup of coffee and trying to distract myself until the day gets on enough where I can reach out to Marty. EDIT 4: Just did morning stand up, my stomach is doing flip flops from drinking about two pots of coffee since I got in here so early and I absolutely cannot focus and concentrate. I feel like I can't do anything really from my side until I tell Marty what I know, so I'm just going to take a sick day and drive over to his house and see if he's around. If not, I'll call him and track him down. Marty is a teacher who is on break right now and Evelyn works a 9 to 5 like me, so odds are good this works out. Wish me luck Reddit. EDIT 5: Got to Marty's house a little after 10am, he had just put his daughter down for a nap and we had a long, frankly brutal talk, in the kitchen. Basically, he suspected this for a couple of months now but Evelyn has been very good at covering her tracks, obviously with the assistance of Sarah and a couple of their mutual friends. I unfortunately do not have all 6 months of text messages, just a couple of dozen screen shots I sent to myself from Sarah's phone, but I gave him what I have and offered to help him however I could. I am a field analysist in the SIU department of a mid sized insurer specializing in workers compensation fraud, so I know a few things and a few people. Anyway, I am now working from my laptop in my almost brother in laws kitchen trying to salvage whatever I can. I'm going to have to talk to Sarah this evening and get the word out as fast as I can to my friends and family now that I know I won't screw Marty over. So far I managed to rebook most of the honeymoon, although I had a problem with the ticket because Sarah was flying under her maiden name and our carrier has a surname rule for name changes. Anyway, they did allow me to cancel and get a partial refund and rebook to my sister who will be accompanying her two brothers and nieces to Florida in a couple of weeks. I'm holding off on canceling the venues until after I talk to Sarah because I don't want to tip anyone off until Marty gets his chance to confront Evelyn, but I will absolutely be letting my family and friends know this afternoon sometime and beg them to keep it close. I'm basically in a frenzy right now canceling stuff I can cancel and I'm heading down to the bank in a few to open a new account and getting my bills/pay sorted out. The finances... some people have mentioned them, but it should be pretty good. The mortgage is in my name since we were not married and I have the bigger income, but Sarah did contribute about 20k (vs my 60k) towards the down payment. I will have to probably pay her out that money and some portion of the mortgage payments for the last 16 months, but it could be worse. PS: How come so many are confused regarding "brother" and "brother in law"??? EDIT 6: I am going to go silent for a while. This post has already been circulating around Tik-Tok and has gone way, way, way beyond what I thought it ever would when I was freaking out in the middle of the night. First off, I want to say something here - I do not hate Sarah. I don't approve of what she did, I frankly find it repulsive and I'm shocked by uncovering how twofaced she can be in how she treats people, but I don't hate her. I am just incredibly sad about everything and the "I'm screwed" part of my post is really the short time frame I have to work under. Basically - our relationship is in a state where I cannot get married to her, but we're supposed to get married in 2 weeks. Maybe if we had 2 months, or better yet, a year or so to work through this, my approach might be vastly different - but I don't have that luxury, I have to move now. There's just no way I can enter into marriage with the state our relationship is in now, so I'm not going to. End of discussion guys. Anyway, I will report back later tonight with how everything today went. Hopefully it will be less traumatic than I'm anticipating. &nbsp; **Update was provided as an edit in the same post** &nbsp; EDIT 7: I have no idea how long a Reddit post can be as I've never written such a long one before in my life, so I hope that this goes through. It's about 8:30pm right now and I'm writing this from my buddy's house. His name is "Mark" and a former coworker of mine that is also in the same field of work. As I mentioned in a previous update, I work as a Field Analyst in the SIU department of a decent sized insurance carrier. For people who don't know what that is, I'm basically a private detective. My job is to investigate what we think might be fraudulent claims in regards to workers compensation. Anyway, as I kind of hinted at, Marty asked for my help in finding out who the other guy was that Evelyn was cheating on him with. All we had to go on was a name, let's call him "Jake". The first thing I did was not some major amount of sleuthing, it was basically just going through LinkedIn trying to find the guy through Evelyn's connections but that brought up nothing, which I thought was strange. Marty had told me that Evelyn was supposed to go out for drinks tonight after work and that she said she wouldn't be home until around 9 or 10. He didn't have to tell me what he suspected since I pretty much understood right away. I told him that I would help him but he needed to come with me. I then contacted my buddy Mark, explained the situation to him and had him agree to meet us later in the day. The first thing we did was drive over to Marty's parents house so that they could watch their grand daughter. I don't know what Marty told them as I waited in the car. After that, we went to Evelyn's place of work. It's one of those large commercial strip mall type centers with all of these non-descript offices in a row and a large, non gated car park. We drove around until we found Evelyn's car and then I had Marty unlock it with the second set of keys. I then gave Marty a voice activated recorder and a GPS tracker to place in the car. Once done with that, we left, parked a bit down the street and waited for my friend to arrive and for Evelyn to leave the business. Mark shows up about 20 minutes later, hops in the car with us and around an hour after that Evelyn comes out of her office with two of her girlfriends and a tall, younger looking man with sandy blonde hair. They are obviously holding hands and I'm like damn Evelyn, you're making it easy for me. I take a couple of pictures from the car and then wait for Evelyn to leave in hers and I start tracking her. At first I thought she might go right to a hotel or something, but she didn't, instead she drove to a reasonably nice bar and grill in a nice section of town and parked on the street. I drove by her as she was getting out of her car and entering the establishment and then found my own parking spot and went over the plan. First we sent Mark in, since no one knew him. He had basically two jobs - first, try to get any compromising pictures he could of Evelyn and "Jake", and second to be my alibi. Marty and I waited in the car for around 20 minutes until I got the first in the series of text messages from Mark. They were pictures of Evelyn and "Jake" making out in front of their two female coworkers. Marty's suspicions right - they were helping Evelyn hide the affair from him. He was obviously very upset and angry, evidently one of the coworkers is married and as a couple they are good friends with Marty and Evelyn, both of them having toddlers around the same age. I ask Marty if that's enough for him but he says he still really wants to know who this guy is. I try to tell him that we can find out later, but he's practically begging me at this point, so I tell him to wait, text Mark that I'm coming in and then enter the bar myself. First thing I see is Evelyn and her crew laughing and drinking at one of those tall round tables near the front window as I enter. I stop for a moment, pretend to be surprised and then call out to Evelyn. "Evelyn! Hi! What are you doing here?" She's obviously shocked to see me and everyone around her tenses up immediately. Evelyn quickly introduces me as her sisters fiancé and says that we are getting married in two weeks. There are a lot of congratulations from everyone. I thank them and then stick out my hand to the blonde guy and introduce myself with my full name, hoping that he'll respond in kind. He does and I'm a bit taken aback - he's not named "Jake". I introduce myself to everyone else and then tell Evelyn that I'm here to meet a coworker, I wave to Mark, and then excuse myself. Once I get over to Mark, I tell him the guys name and we both whip out our phones and go to work. It doesn't take long for us to find him - he's got social media profiles and a couple of court case judgements against him. Everything sort of falls into place when we find out that "Jake" is his middle name. At this point I'm basically just grateful that Evelyn isn't cheating on Marty with two different coworkers. Turns out that Jake is 26, married and has a 1 year old daughter. This just keeps getting better (worse). Anyway, I text Marty the guys name and I decide I want to push my luck and tell him to wait a few more minutes. Basically, I'm playing babysitter here at the bar. I'm totally visible to Evelyn and her crew I can see out of the corner of my eye that no one is particularly happy about this and my presence is really ruining the night. This is good. I let this go on for about 10 minutes and then tell Marty to text Evelyn that he's spending the night at his parents house with their daughter. It doesn't take long after that until I catch Evelyn taking out her phone, showing it to "Jake" and then everyone deciding to pack up. Evelyn comes over to me, says good night and asks me if Sarah and I want to come over for dinner this weekend. I smile and say that sounds like a great idea and wish her and her coworkers a good night. Mark and I wait for them to leave, then pay our bill and hurry back to the waiting Marty. There's a bit of hesitation here, because we don't know exactly what Evelyn was going to do. Like I half assumed she might have already booked a hotel room and was heading there, which would have made everything a lot more complicated and limited what I could do, but it turns out that tonight was probably meant to be just drinks at the bar and it wasn't until Marty decided to "spend the night at his parents" that it turned into something more. Evelyn made a b-line for home and we followed behind her way out of sight and parked down the street. It didn't take long after that until another car pulled into Marty's drive way and we saw "Jake" get out, go up to the door, knock and be greeted by Evelyn. They went inside together. Now, at this point it's about 7:30 and I have my own stuff to do tonight and I think, that as a friend, I've done pretty much all I can do for Marty and he can handle the rest himself. I mean, I feel bad for the guy, definitely, but I don't want to get any more involved in this drama than I already am and being the wing man for him while he confronts his cheating wife is a bit much for me considering my situation. Marty says it's fine, that he'll do the rest of it himself (guess he's more of a man than you thought Evelyn). He goes to Evelyn's car, retrieves my gear and we bid each other goodbye. That was almost two hours ago. I did get one text message from Marty saying it was done and he was going to his parents house (for real this time) but my phone hasn't been blowing up, so I don't know what's been going on with Evelyn and I've been at Mark's since then. I think that basically concludes my part in Marty's story. If he was smart and listened to my advice, he was recording with his phone when he entered the house. I'll find out later. Anyway, my biggest priority now is to head home and tell Sarah that the wedding is off. She's almost 100% going to take it badly, there's no way she won't, but like I said - I just can't get married to her right now. I don't know what the future holds for us, or if we will be done with each other or not, but definitely we are not getting married any time soon. Also, for people who keep saying "Why didn't you talk to her first? Why didn't you confront her?" I have to say - Are you people stupid? She stone cold lied in front of me to her brother in law that she has known for about 10 years and purportedly thinks is "a really great husband and father". Maybe you are naïve enough to think that someone can lie that coldly to someone they are supposed to care about and then tell you the truth, but I'm not wired that way. Until that moment I never had cause to ever second guess Sarah or not trust her, but she was literally untrustworthy in front of my face and I'm supposed to let it slide or expect her to be honest to me? I guess you don't know what it's like to have your entire view of someone shift in an instant - it's disorienting and frankly, a bit panic inducing. I'm actually impressed I kept my head and followed my instincts instead of pressing her right away because it led me to the truth. It would have been ridiculously easy for her to lie to me and then delete those text messages and if she had done that then I would never have read the horrible things she said, never seen how she can be so duplicitous and two faced and never realized how little I actually knew about her. I'm going home to talk to Sarah. I'll update later to let everyone know what the final verdict is. Don't expect it to be a good one. EDIT 8: Well, I had the talk with Sarah last night. It was pretty insane. I'm honestly burnt out and still exhausted even though I took another sick day and slept in until almost a quarter to 11. Sleep deficit is real. I know everyone is thirsty for updates, but as much as it's therapy for me to write them I am just absolutely drained and as you may have noticed, I don't know how to be short - just call it a character trait from my profession and the endless amount of minutia filled reports I've written. I will give the tl;dr and I promise to do a proper update later. Long story short - I came home to talk to Sarah about canceling the wedding and found her comforting Evelyn on the couch. I almost turned around and walked out but didn't. Words were exchanged. Tears were had. People got really angry and the cops were called. I collapsed and slept for like 10 hours and my phone is practically glowing from the heat of a bajilion unread messages and missed calls. If it vibrates any more I'm going to take it to Evelyn's office and charge 10 bucks a minute to sit on it. Stuff is really up in the air, I have a lot to do today. My family already knew what was going on by yesterday afternoon, but I need to contact some friends today and get a move on other things. I'm just going to answer a couple and then bug out for a few to get stuff done. First, I am not James bond. I am the guy that follows around the "disabled" construction worker to his Zumba class or sky diving lesson. I've been doing it for about 5 years and I'm pretty good at it. Nothing I did went beyond a 50 dollar gps you can buy from Amazon and a tiny, tiny bit of social engineering. You might be surprised how far social engineering can get you, but whatever. Second, I am off the clock on the mysterious case of "Marty and the hoebag hobgoblin". Whatever Marty does with the info he has, including contacting the other wife, is on him. I'm not interjecting myself into this mess any more than I have. Marty is a good friend but I have my own little world collapsing right now and now that I don't have my moral indignation to distract me, it's becoming a bigger burden than I have been letting on. Third, I am not an aspiring screenwriter or novelist. I do, however, write A LOT OF REPORTS. You have no idea. Most of my life is actually spent hunched over a laptop writing a report, or transcribing statements. For every hour I spend doing field work, I probably spend 10 doing paperwork or research. Fourth, you are right that I was wrong to leave Marty to go it alone. I didn't have any fear, not even an iota, that Marty would do anything stupid, but I didn't properly take into the account the risk to him. That's a personal failing of mine, it's not that I don't care, I just tend to estimate that other people handle things like I do and hence, Marty was doing something that I would do, so I didn't question it like I should have. I know this is a problem of mine and I'm working on it, but I am also not in the best place emotionally, so my EQ was low in the situation. Last - People saying "You don't know the whole situation, what if Marty was an abuser? Yadda, yadda, yadda..." No buddy, you don't know the whole situation. I do. I read 6 months of text messages. I know why Evelyn did what she did, I know how she feels about Marty, I know how my ex fiancée played long with this. I'm just not sharing it because it's vile, but I know and it played a big part in how I have acted in the last day and a half. Trust me, if Sarah had done something, anything other than encouraging and egging on Evelyn, we'd all probably not be here. But she did, so we are. Anyway - that's it from me. I will try to update again in the next few days with the whole fallout, but I am probably going to be mostly off Reddit for now. Best of luck to everyone and thank you to all the people backing me up, it meant a lot to me and helped keep me sane (well, some semblance of sane anyway). EDIT 9: I tried posting an update to this subreddit under a new post because it's freaking huge, but Automod keeps eating it. Unless the mods decide to recover the post, you can just check out my user profile for the next part of this messed up saga. &nbsp; --- &nbsp; [Part 2 continues here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15umtyj/im_getting_married_in_2_weeks_and_i_am_totally/) &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I'm getting married in 2 weeks and I am totally screwed - Part 1

ONGOING

Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15umtgk/im_getting_married_in_2_weeks_and_i_am_totally/

15umtyj

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OneTop3934 on his profile** &nbsp; trigger warnings: >!infidelity, GPS tracking/voice recording, violence!< &nbsp; [Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15umtgk/im_getting_married_in_2_weeks_and_i_am_totally/) &nbsp; --- &nbsp; [**08-08-23 UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/OneTop3934/comments/15ll8pu/080823_update/) - Aug 8, 2023 Hi, it's me again. I want to thank everyone who has sent me kind messages and support here on Reddit and even on other platforms - this has really blown up and frankly it's totally bizarre to see my life plastered all over the internet, but it's also nice to see so many people seeming to be genuinely concerned for me. It helps a lot. At first I had a bit of trepidation about how visible this became, like "What have I done???" but since this past weekend I decided to just roll with it. After all, the cat is already out of the bag and I really believe I've done nothing wrong here (despite a small minority of commentators saying otherwise!) I guess there is a lot to go over and so much has happened, most of it, if I'm honest, hasn't been that great. Well, it's actually been downright shitty, but I'll get to that. First off, I left Mark's house pretty late that night. Sarah already knew I was out "discussing business" with him, although she had no idea that the business was actually her sisters affair. But still, it was getting to an unreasonable hour - mostly because I was trying to get up the nerve to go home and face her. After about two or three "pep talks" from Mark, I finally got off my keister and texted Sarah I was coming home and left in my car. As I said in the last update, I was pretty surprised when I got there because when I walked into the house, Evelyn was crying on the couch with Sarah. I hadn't seen Evelyn's car in the driveway when I came home, so this was probably the last thing I was expecting. I froze for a moment and almost turned around and left - this was not how I imagined this going down and I knew that Evelyn's presence was going to make a bad situation a million times worse. Still, I had a time table that I wanted to move on - I had friends I needed to notify and wedding preparations to cancel and the proverbial clock was ticking in the back of my head. When I entered the room, both Sarah and Evelyn looked up at me in acknowledgement, but the tirade of accusations never came. I just stared back, raising my eyes in question. The moment passed and Evelyn went back to crying, Sarah back to comforting and I let it awkwardly hang in the air for half a minute while I thought - it seemed that Marty hadn't mentioned my assistance in the uncovering of Evelyn's affair. I decided to play dumb. Not for any reason other than I wanted to see how Sarah reacted. I took a seat on a recliner, put down my laptop bag and took my phone out of pocket. I made it look like I was fidgeting with it and then asked them "What's going on?" Evelyn just continued to cry, but Sarah looked at me and said "Marty is divorcing Evie." Well, yes - I figured as much. I decided to push ahead with the obvious question. "What for?" I asked her. Sarah stopped patting Evelyn's back for a moment and looked at me. I could almost see her face twist and contort - imagine the look a 5 year old makes when you tell them to eat their broccoli or finish their lima beans. Evelyn shot Sarah a look that I didn't need to be a sister to understand and there was a pregnant pause until Sarah finally said, "She cheated on him." Now, I have to admit. This response freaking floored me. This was absolutely not what I was expecting. Sure, the more cynical readers here might think "Well, the cat was out of the bag, so there's no point in hiding it" and yes, that's true, but it's also true that she could have just as easily feigned ignorance, or even worded it another way, like "Marty accused Evie of cheating" instead of basically confirming it to my face. Maybe I'm being pedantic here, but it's part of my job to pay attention to not only what people say, but how they say it. Evelyn wasn't happy about this. She kind of crumpled into the couch a bit and did this strange combination of a sigh and sob at the same time. I wanted to press on, "go for the gold" to sort of speak, but I must have stammered a bit. Sarah probably interpreted as shock, and well she would have been right in a sense, just not how she assumed. "Did you know?" Sarah didn't say anything, she just nodded, her hand still rubbing her sisters shoulder. I didn't hesitate and asked for the obvious follow up - "How long?" The answer came back a lot easier than I thought it would, "Six months." I was shocked by how easily she admitted to it. Evelyn was shocked as well, she smacked her sisters hand off her and I think even Sarah was a little shocked at saying it out loud. I leaned back in the recliner and rubbed my face. Time to tug the rest of that band aid clear off. "We're not getting married." There were two looks like stunned goats and a chorus of "Huh? What?" from both sisters. I stood up and repeated myself. "We're not getting married. I can't marry someone who would cover up adultery, especially not for 6 months." Sarah sprang off the couch and opened her arms, the body language was "You can't be serious?!" but I just put my hands in front of myself. "I'm serious. I don't like this, not one bit. I don't like that you took part in this and I can't get married to you with how I feel. It would be a mistake." The water works started immediately and even Evelyn did that thing with her mouth that looks like a perch trying to suck air. There were wails from Sarah, accusations of not loving her, appeals to my sense of duty, to the loss of money, the inconvenience to all our friends, the embarrassment of it all. It was frankly nothing I hadn't already thought about, but it definitely felt different hearing Sarah say it through body wracking sobs. It was at this point, I probably made a big mistake. Well, maybe not, because I have no idea how long Marty would have kept my involvement in everything off the books, but in an effort to convince Sarah of the finality of it all I said "Look, I already canceled the honeymoon! It's not happening!" I knew it was a bomb the second it left my mouth and the explosion was damn near immediate. Evelyn, to her credit had always been pretty quick on the uptake, which is probably how she had managed to fool her husband for so long. I could almost see the realization dawning on her when she put it all together with my appearance at the bar earlier in the evening. She screamed, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" and flew across the room at me. Now, I'm not a huge guy, but I'm no slouch either, but the force that Evelyn flung herself at me had me staggering backwards and I barely had enough time to get my hands up before she started raking my face with her fingernails. I almost lost the phone I still had in my hand, but still managed to I push her away and say very loudly, "EVELYN GET OFF ME!! SARAH, GET YOUR SISTER UNDER CONTROL!" Evelyn made another lunge for me but surprisingly Sarah did exactly what I asked her to and wrapped her arms around her sisters waist and held her in place. I looked at Evelyn and yelled, "Get out of here right now or I am calling the police!" - holding my phone up for emphasis. Sarah asked both of us to calm down, she said to me "OP, she doesn't have anywhere to go right now and Marty took her car keys!" That explained the lack of a car in the drive way, but I didn't care. I was 100% through with Evelyn and I was going to make sure she knew it. I marched into my home office and locked the door and dialed the po-po. I told them I had been attacked by my fiancée's sister and had locked myself in my office - that I was bleeding from my face (Evelyn had scratched me pretty good along the inside of my left eye) and that my vision was blurry and I feared for my life. I even told them that I had recorded the entire altercation on my phone. Just as I was finishing up my conversation, Sarah comes knocking on the door. "OP, please come out, we need to talk about this." and "Please, I love you, don't do this. We don't need to do this." and even "Evelyn is sorry, she wants to apologize". I'm pretty sure that last one was a lie, but Sarah was obviously losing her shit. I didn't answer her and her attempts to cajole me out of the office ended probably right when the police rocked up to our front door. I could hear Sarah talking to them and I decided to come out. The cops were two males, one of them looked younger than me, maybe around Sarah's age and the other one looked older and more annoyed about life in general. I introduced myself, pointed at Evelyn, stating that she attacked me and offered to show the cops the recording I made. The younger one asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said yes. He asked me again if I wanted to press charges. I said yes again. At this point, both cops looked at each other and before the young cop could open his mouth again I said, "Yes damnit, I want to press charges. I have video evidence and this is going to court or else I'm going to call up your boss (I dropped his name here) and ask him to come down and do it himself." I think they were pretty surprised that I knew his name, not that we are friends or anything, but given my line of work I spend plenty of time interfacing with local law enforcement and I have met most of the brass, or talked to them on the phone a couple of times in the last few years. Honestly, at this point, I was getting pretty hot under the collar and while I get what these guys were thinking I don't agree with it at all. Facts are facts - sure I might not be bleeding out on the floor, but Evelyn assaulted me in my own home and I wanted her gone. Thankfully the situation didn't immediately escalate and the two officers handcuffed Evelyn and put her in the back of the patrol car. She was squealing and crying like some sort of gibbering maniac the entire time. Sarah wasn't much better, she just kept going "no, please, no" over and over again. At this point, the younger cop circled back and asked us if everything was okay here. I just told them I was going to bed. He asked Sarah again and she didn't immediately answer so he goes "IS EVERYTHING OKAY HERE MAM???" It was clear what he was fishing for. At this point I really disliked this guy, but I bit my lip. Sarah finally realized that the cop was addressing her and she just nodded at him. Obviously the guy is not satisfied with this and starts to ask her again at which point I interject and say, "If you want to go on a fishing expedition, you might want to do it over there on the lawn where my doorbell camera isn't recording you." I think at this point I had pushed my luck with this guy one too many times, but what could I do? I think I was probably about 30 seconds from getting the cuffs slapped on me until his partner came up and basically pulled him away. He was an older man, probably in his late 50's and probably didn't want to process two arrests right at the beginning of his shift, especially when one of them was obviously going to be more trouble than it was worth. I'm pretty sure he talked him out of it and they left, carrying Evelyn away and hopefully out of my life forever. At this point, I'm thinking about if I want to stay here or not. The fact that my parents live a couple of hours away combined with the thought of about how poor I am going to be in the short term here ruled out either their place or a hotel, so I just decided to sleep in the guest room. Sarah made some futile efforts to get me to engage with her in conversation, or to sleep in our bed, but I just told her we'd talk tomorrow and that I was tired and didn't want to be disturbed. Thankfully she let me be and I crashed hard. Harder than I had in years, which pretty much brings us up to speed to the last update. But dear friends of Reddit, let me tell you this, the NEXT DAY was by far the weirdest f'ing day of my life. To start with, I woke up at 11am. Sarah was still home, she had cleaned the house from top to bottom. I mean, the floors sparkled. The toilets shined. I could lick the linoleum in the bathroom and it'd probably be minty fresh. She had obviously been busy, but when she saw me she sort of hovered out of immediate range, not quite engaging, but looking like she wanted to say something. I get it. Last night was traumatic for everyone and she was probably uncertain - like, did I just cancel the wedding in the heat of the moment? Was I serious about this? Was I really angry? I took a deep breath and told her we needed to finish talking. She tried to sit next to me on the couch and I thought about rebuffing her, but I didn't. We were not getting married, but I didn't need to act like I hated her, because truthfully, I didn't. I was disappointed in her, decently disgusted by some of the things I had read in her text exchanges between her sister, but we were both hurting here and I didn't want to make it any worse, or escalate things to a point where life could get any more complicated than it already was. It took some more convincing on my part for Sarah to truly and fully believe the wedding was off. She was not taking it well, hell that's an understatement, she was a wreck. I think she was hyperventilating a few times. I was holding it together better, but obviously not only was this my idea, I had also had longer to come to terms with it. Finally she asked the serious question - "What about us?" I know I am going to get a lot of hate from people for this, especially the kind of Redditors that think every infraction in a relationship is grounds for nuking it from orbit, and indeed one could even say that my calling off the wedding was like dropping a MOAB on our 6 year partnership, but truthfully I didn't have an answer for Sarah in that moment. I just didn't know and I told her so. I said, I read all those text messages and it showed me a side of her that I didn't know existed and that I wasn't certain about her, or our relationship anymore. I said I couldn't understand why she would go a long with Evelyn putting down Marty and joining in, and even egging her on in cheating on not only him, but their daughter too. She just kept saying, "I know, I know, it was wrong, I know." I asked her for an explanation, but she couldn't provide one. She just said that she "got carried away" and that she "had to choose her sister". I told her that I thought a good sister was someone who kept you on the straight and narrow and didn't give you a free pass to be a douchebag. She agreed with me and said that she would do better, but that Evelyn had always been the boss when they were kids and she was always the follower. I get this, I have an older sibling too and while I'm a bit more independent, I also spent the last 18 years of my life with him living on the other side of the planet except for the odd, occasional visit around Thanksgiving or Christmas. But still, maybe I had a leg up on Sarah because my older sibling was a decent guy while Evelyn was a piece of trash. Now here is where I get the second major f'ing shock of my life in like 48 hours. Sarah says to me, "It's not fair! It's not fair!" "What's not fair???" I ask her. "You were sexting that bimbo wife Mandy girl on Instagram last year and I got over it! I was so hurt, but I got over it! Why can't you get over this?? Why???" Huh? What? What the hell is she talking about? Who is this 'bimbo wife Mandy' - like I have no f'ing clue. I ask her if she was high or having a psychotic break. Like, okay, that was mean of me - but I have absolutely not been doing cyber sex or sexting or whatever with anyone, especially not some Instagram girl. I'm protesting pretty loudly at this point and Sarah is yelling at me through her tears, telling me that she saw the messages last year and that she decided to not confront me because I had stopped it. Evidently she had been checking my socials from my home computer when I am at work, which should have been really boring because I have only family and a couple of work friends on there. I try to make this case to her, offering to let her log into all my accounts and check for herself, but she's just calling me a liar and a pervert and all sorts of shit. She starts throwing stuff at me and so things are getting out of hand and I tell her that if she throws one more thing I'll have her taken out of this house just like her sister. She swears at me and stomps off to the master bedroom and slams the door. Now, at this point I am so damn confused I barely know what to think. I head into my office, fire up my desktop and type "bimbo wife mandy" into Google, sure enough there is an Instagram, a Twitter, a Reddit even and of course, an ONLY FANS. I click on one of the Instagram links and up comes a post of an um... extremely busty woman, like clearly pushing the limits of science and technology and oh guess where she's from.... Australia. Well everyone, remember all the nice stuff I was saying about my brother? Guess who was staying with us last Christmas all the way from Australia? Guess who I told, "Sure, go ahead and use my office computer to play games if you have jet lag?" As far as I can tell, my brother, after his wife and kids went to sleep, logged into either Insta, or OF or something and was probably paying money to sext with this girl. What a great f'ing guy. Now, I would love to call my brother and not only confirm my suspicions, but also give him a god damn ear full, but it's like 2 or 3 in the morning there so it's going to have to wait, but I am crawling the walls here trying to sort out how I feel about everything. I feel totally let down by everyone. I think to myself, damn - what is this world coming to? For a brief moment, I try to connect the dots between whatever the hell Sarah saw my brother do and what she did with Evelyn, but try as I might it doesn't really come together. Maybe she's a more tolerant or forgiving person than I am, which is why she didn't "confront me" when she saw this, but I wish she had - it would have given me an opportunity to directly tell her my whole personal stance on these things and to even show her how I would act. It might have influenced her in a good way later on, or maybe it wouldn't have mattered, I don't know. All I know is that this post is becoming a novel and I have blown off most of the morning when I should be working to get this out of my head and onto this page. I feel better for doing it, but there is still probably another 2-3 posts left to tell. I'm not going to post them to this subreddit anymore, I'm not sure that they'd let me, but I will try to quietly update my profile in the next day or two with the rest of the blow out - talking to my brother, talking to my parents and Sarah's parents, and finally where Sarah and I stand. One thing that I can say however is it seems like most of my immediate family relationships are incredibly strained for various reasons. My parents are largely supportive, but that's becoming less so now that the reality of the financial loss is setting in - yes the marriage is still off, that was pretty much a certainty from the get go. Sarah's parents are a bit more pissed and I'm sure they are sticking pins in voodoo dolls crafted in my image right now. Evelyn, for people who are wondering, is no longer in Jail - she got Sarah to bail her out and I even laid into Sarah for that, calling her "her sisters underling" which I think actually struck a chord with her because she wrote me like a 20 page letter about how her sister always bossed her around throughout her entire childhood. I've read it twice now and I wish we had talked about this pretty much ANY TIME within the last 6 years, maybe things would be different. I don't know. Anyway Reddit, if anyone is still interested, expect a final chapter of this saga in like a day or two and maybe a follow up after the former wedding date passes. ***Note:bimbowifemandy makes an appearance in the comments*** &nbsp; [**08-10-23 UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/OneTop3934/comments/15njbpb/081023_update/) - Aug 10, 2023 This update has taken longer to get around to than I originally intended. A lot of things have happened over the last couple of days that have kept me pretty busy and it really wasn't until today when I had some free time after lunch that I could sit down and get this out. I'll try to get through as much as I can. Before that, however, I just want to mention a couple of things in response to comments from the last post. I'll try to be brief. Firstly - I don't know much of what's going on with Marty and his divorce, other than to my knowledge, he's still divorcing her. Obviously no papers or anything, but the intention is clear. In addition to that, I'm not really in the position to be advocating for any sort of course of action that Marty should take, or offering him legal advice, or assisting him in doing anything to the other man, or tracking down the other mans wife, etc. Marty is a grown ass man and he can do whatever he wants with the situation and my position, as his friend, is just to support him and offer advice - if he asks for it. Secondly, this isn't some sort of guerilla marketing for an Only Fans girl. If it was, I should have done it on the first post which hit the front page of Reddit and was seen by over 3 million people. Also, given that this post got so popular on Reddit, it's not really a surprise that "Bimbo Wife Mandy", another Redditor, happened to be following the story and saw her name. It could have easily been any other of the hundreds and hundreds (maybe even thousands) of girls who use Reddit to post their pictures. And as a brief aside - speaking of "Mandy", I have indeed talked to her, she was actually quite helpful in confirming something for me and as a person she seems quite nice but guys... there is no romance plans here in the future. Mandy is married, evidently quite happily so and for almost two decades (I think the handle "Bimbo WIFE Mandy" should have given that away) and frankly while her husband must be cool with it, she's way too much for a mere insurance guy like me to handle. Seriously. So, with that all out of the way, on to the update - Last time I wrote in, I ended it up with me assuming that my brother had used my office computer to chat with "Mandy" but it was too late (his time) for me to contact him. I am one of those guys that once a problem is put in front of him, I MUST be actively working on trying to solve it. This is great for my career choice, but in situations like this, all I was doing was driving myself insane. So, I decided to take a deep breath, leave everything until later and carry on with what I needed to do. First thing up was attempting to contact every person from my side that I had invited to the wedding that I had not yet informed about it's cancelation. As you may recall, I had already informed my parents and had them contact my relatives on the day I made up my mind, but only myself and Sarah have the complete guest list, so I needed to do the rest myself. Out of respect for my friends, I decided to call instead of text, but this might have been a bad idea since every phone call typically resulted in a rather lengthy explanation of why I was canceling the wedding. I know I could have given some other excuse, but I wanted people to know that I wasn't being frivolous or just experiencing something inane like "cold feet". It was important, not just for my own reputation, but I think in order to show respect to the people who had agreed to come on that day to support myself and Sarah as a couple. Because of this, it wasn't until late into the evening when I finally managed to contact everyone, which meant it was now morning time in Australia. I knew what I needed to do but I wanted to make sure that my ducks were all in a row, so I took a breather and made a sandwich in the kitchen. I noticed that Sarah wasn't home - I had no idea when she left and sat down to eat and think about what to do with my brother's situation. Let's call my brother "Karl" for the sake of shortness here. Now, Karl and I have always been pretty close despite him being 13 years older than me. He was this sort of quasi-parental figure in my life because by the time I became capable of having long term memories, he was already well on his way to becoming an adult. He was always generous with his time, played with his little brother when other teenagers would probably have avoided such an activity like the plague and generally seemed very mature and wise to me growing up. Suffice it to say, I respected him greatly. The idea that he had been sexting with a girl who wasn't his wife, in my house, was something that I was still coming to grips with and I needed to decide what to do. Talking to him about it was obvious, but at this point given how much of a shambles my relationship with Sarah was, I didn't know if I cared about having him "confess" just for the sake of clearing my name. Was there anything to salvage anyway? I needed to, for my own sake of propriety, at least yell at him about this and convince him to stop. However, I wasn't sure if I was going to rat him out or not to my SIL (let's call her "Karen", alright - Karl and Karen it is guys). It all depended on what he told me and if I believed him or not. I finished my meal and logged into Facebook and video called Karl. Now, Karl works mostly from home as a remote office worker since his field is related to IT and he's almost always available during the day and today was no exception. It didn't even ring more than once or twice before he answered. We greeted each other, exchanged some pleasantries and then I just sort of dove into it and asked him if he had been using my computer to sex chat women on the internet when he was visiting me. Karl's face froze and he leaned over out of frame of the camera. He was obviously closing his office door. "Yeah, I did - why?" he said to me. I swore under my breath and explained to Karl how Sarah had thought that his flirting was me, since he used my computer. I explained that I wasn't happy to take the hit for him and I asked him point blank if Karen knew about this or not. He waffled for a few seconds, stumbling over his words and then looked a bit sheepish and said that no, Karen didn't know, and he'd prefer if it was kept that way. He went on to explain that their relationship had been pretty rough since their youngest was born 4 years ago - mainly in the bedroom department. Karl had always been a pretty private person, especially when it came to intimate details, or at least he had always been that way when talking to his much younger baby brother. However, this time he just let it all lay out. Things had been bad, he had been tired of getting rejected, Karen was always tired no matter what he did or how much he helped out around the house. Eventually this lead to problems on his side - some sort of performance anxiety on the few occasions where Karen would actually feel up for some bedroom fun and things just got worse from there. Basically he said, "There's no amount of socks picked up, laundry folded, dishes washed, or time spent minding children that would get me laid. It was just not happening, so I started to spend time in my office at night 'working'" - he even did the finger quotes when saying this. Evidently his "working" at night turned into a pretty hardcore addiction to OnlyFans sites, which given the relative privacy he had in his office for legitimate work, spiraled out of control pretty quickly. I asked him if he was still doing it and he swore up and down that he wasn't. I thought I believed him when he said it. He seemed to be sincere. But I just had this niggling feeling in the back of my skull that something was off. Maybe it was because of all of the deceit I had encountered recently, but I was doubting my own brother who has really been a stand up guy to me our entire lives together. I really hated being in this situation. Now, the problem I faced was pretty complex here - First, if I wanted to "clear my name" then I would have to get my brother to tell Sarah that it was him all along. However, if he did that, then there was no guarantee that Sarah wouldn't spitefully inform Karen. I personally thought it would be best if Karen knew, but at the same time I didn't know if I felt comfortable potentially dropping a nuke on my brothers marriage over something he not only said he stopped, but is in this sort of moral grey area for me. I didn't have an answer right away as to what to do, but I did urge him to tell his wife about this and to get into marriage counseling. He said that they actually had been going for the last 6 months and while it was helpful, what had really helped him was getting a prescription for some generic Viagra. I actually did a spit take at that, neatly spraying my computer screen with water. He told me that they had been trying to make sure they have "intimate time" at least a couple of times a week and the Viagra had cured him of his performance anxiety to the point where now they were both looking forward to spending time together after the kids went to bed. The general gist of this was something along the lines of, "Hey, this is actually going in the right direction now, please don't screw this up for us." I really, really, REALLY didn't want to be in this position, not just for the sake of Karl and Karen, but for my two nieces as well - and if what Karl was telling me was the truth, I could be tossing a firebomb into a relationship that was starting to mend. It was unpredictable what would happen ,so yeah - it may disappoint some people but at the time I felt that the best option I had was to wait and see. I was, after all, going to meet him in a couple of weeks in the flesh and once I got him alone in a room and a few drinks into him, I was going to definitely get to the bottom of this. It seemed like the best course of action. Anyway, that night I went to bed early. I didn't see Sarah until the next morning. She looked haggard, like she had a distinct lack of sleep. I asked her where she had been, mostly out of habit, after all we had been together for almost 6 years. She told me that she had gone down to the court house for Evelyn's arraignment to post bail (the courts here close at 1pm on the weekends, which is why she had disappeared soon after I went into my office) and that afterwards she had driven her to her parents house and spent the night. She made a point of telling me how horrible it was to have to explain to her parents that I had called off the wedding. I asked her if her parents knew the reason why and she barked, "Of course they do!" I tried to remain calm but by this point in this ordeal I was losing it. I bit back at her - "Are you going to move back there so that they have BOTH girls at home now?" It was childish and petty, but the fact that she bailed Evelyn out of jail annoyed me to no end. "You don't need to be an ass about this!" she said, to which I said, "And you don't need to be Evelyn's f-cking underling!" I could see Sarah visibly flinch when I said that to her. It obviously had struck a chord and the corners of her eyes started to tear up and I cooled my temper. We just sort of stood there, miles apart in the living room of our house and didn't say anything for a good solid minute or two until Sarah decided to continue talking. "Our parents are going to be here at three." I actually face palmed at this. I was about to go off on her for not consulting me on this, but decided that was just my own ego. After all, I did need to sit down with them and work out the details around the wedding and whatever remaining deposit we had and I needed to, at least once, face to face explain to everyone why it wasn't happening. So fine, let's do this and get it out of the way. I tried to make myself busy, but there isn't much you can do on a Sunday except waste time and time wasting isn't very enjoyable when you know you are heading into the meat grinder in just a few hours. Still, 3pm came and so did our parents. We all sat down at the large kitchen table that Sarah had bought just a month after we closed on the house. It was second hand, from Facebook marketplace, but she loved it because it was solid oak with a beautiful finish and capable of seating 8 (and just as heavy as that sounds). She always wanted to have big dinner parties with our families over, just not like this. The next three hours were grueling. No one was happy, nor should they be I guess. The best support I could get came unsurprisingly from my own parents, but even that was tempered. Essentially along the lines of "Well, it's his decision to make" which more or less means, "Yeah, we think this is crazy too, but we're still backing him." Honestly, that was fine with me. I didn't need my parents to get the stigma by association of canceling the wedding. I was fine with owning that. Eventually we worked out a decent deal in regards to the wedding - We would try to get back whatever money we could, split it back however it was contributed (some things like the honeymoon were all paid by me, or the flowers were all paid for by Sarah's parents) and then eat whatever losses there were communally. However, when it came to the subject of the house, Sarah vehemently objected to my idea of paying back her or her parents for the deposit. Basically, she didn't intend to move. Now, as you might imagine, Sarah and I hadn't really talked about the "us" or "us living together" situation in too much detail. The fact that I even brought up settling the house equity seemed to shock her because the implication here is that I expect her to move out of our home. She threw a fit and I don't blame her - I should have settled our relationship status with her first before trying to negotiate a payment plan with her parents. It really tipped my hand to everyone about how I was feeling about or relationship and while I think our parents expected it, or at least understood, Sarah was beside herself. She was absolutely not accepting of us breaking up over this and she made it clear. "I am not moving out of my house and we are not breaking up." she declared. And that's pretty much how my Sunday night ended. After our parents left, Sarah and I tried to talk it out some more but we kept running in circles around each other and I had to curb my natural inclination to run her down until we got a resolution. Truthfully, I was pretty damn tired as well and I just wanted to turn off my brain. Believe it or not, we just ended up sitting on the couch and watching a movie together in silence until it was time to go to sleep. We left it there with a "We'll talk about it more tomorrow" and retreated to our separate rooms. On Monday, I woke up to a large hand written letter slid under the door from Sarah. I took a brief look at the first few pages and decided I would deal with it later and went to work. When I left, Sarah was still in bed. She must have been up late writing that letter. At the office, I rescheduled some meetings and started calling venues and vendors that were on my list (the other ones were being handled by Sarah or her parents). It was a mixed bag of results - The catering people were adamant that I pay most of their fees under the pretense that they had "ordered most of the food" - I shot back at them over this, like were they expecting me to eat a week old steak? But my appeal fell on deaf ears. I tried talking to the woman who ran the catering business and explaining what happened, but that seemed to only firm up her resolve to get as much money as possible out of me. Inversely, the DJ that I had hired for the entertainment was incredibly kind and gave us back almost all of the money (it wasn't much however). Things went on like this and during the day between making calls and doing work, I read Sarah's letter. Now, this is 20 pages of written word so I'm just going to summarize. The gist of it was that ever since childhood Sarah has been bullied by Evelyn and in response, Sarah's way of dealing with this was to essentially go along with whatever Evelyn wants or wants to hear. She went on to say that it had become sort of a general way of operating in her life - that she was just afraid to rock the boat, to cause a problem or sometimes even to voice an opinion. I reflected on this because truthfully, when I look back at our relationship with a more critical eye, I kind of think that Sarah was a bit too perfect of a girlfriend. What I mean by that is, she never disagreed with me, never picked her plans over mine, or even really advocated too strongly against anything I wanted to do, she went out of her way to make herself appear useful and all around acted more or less like a "yes woman" in our relationship. I mean, we had never even so much as had a minor disagreement in 6 years, let alone a full blown argument until now. It sounds great from a relationship standpoint, until of course, it's not. I couldn't shake this feeling that Sarah has this deep seated insecurity and need to make people happy. You know what they call, "People Pleasing" behavior. When I start looking at it this way a lot of things make sense to me and I start to realize that despite being with Sarah for 6 years, I don't actually know her that well. It's like she's put up this image around her which is really just a mirror - a reflection of whatever she thinks people want to see and in the case of our relationship, she's more or less been acting my role of the "perfect girlfriend" while never really letting me inside to see who she is as a person. Hell, I can't even say that what I saw in those text messages is the "real Sarah" because it's almost certainly just another reflection - this time of Evelyn and all her warts and faults. This may sound weird, but its like we are in this unequal relationship. Whereas maybe she loves me for who I am and how I wear my thoughts on my face and my heart on my sleeve, but maybe I only love her for the mirror she is holding up to my face. I don't know, if this sounds too metaphysical for you then I'm right there as well. It's like this wisp of an idea that I'm still trying to catch by my fingertips. All I know is that in the last few days I've probably learned more about Sarah than I had in the last 6 years and the letter she wrote me was the first real view into her childhood that I had glimpsed. That night we talked more about this specifically, about her childhood, about her behavior. The conclusion that we came to is that she needs help. She's a grown woman who is sadly stuck acting like a child too scared to displease anyone, lest she face her sisters wrath, or her parents disapproval, or the loss of love from the ones she loves. This is no way to have a relationship and I can say, that I feel much more confident and assured that my decision to call off the wedding was the correct one. In fact, it could not be any more correct. That night, after our talk, I went to bed with much less angst than I had in a few days. So, this basically brings me up to our last update and once again, it's a freaking novel. I won't wait 2-3 days to do another one otherwise I will keep falling forever. For people who have been wondering, the entire situation with my brother is more or less resolved and I'll get to that tomorrow, but the situation with Sarah and I is still up in the air a bit, but there is a semblance of a plan going forward. I promise I'll get to it as soon as I can, but as you can imagine there is a lot to write and I can only do what I can do. &nbsp; --- &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I'm getting married in 2 weeks and I am totally screwed - Part 2

ONGOING

Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15umtyj/im_getting_married_in_2_weeks_and_i_am_totally/

15v16w8

Originally posted by u/homewrong44 in r/AmItheAsshole on Aug 3, '23 updated 8 hrs later. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Prolific Procreation!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15hc489/aita_for_saying_again_after_my_sister_announced/)** Aug 3, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for saying "Again??" after my sister announced that she's pregnant with twins** My (21f) sister (32f) has been married to her husband 33m for 8 years. They already have 6 kids total, the last one born 5 months ago. Yesterday, my sister had announced that she's 3 months pregnant with twins and while everyone was congratulating her, I said out loud "oh my god, again?? Can't your stupid husband leave you alone??" I didn't mean to say it out loud, but it slipped out and my sister looked at me angrily and literally dragged me into another room and asked "Why tf did you say that?" I told her that she and her husband have been pregnant every year for the last 8 years and that she needs to take a break. I was worried about her having so many babies in such a short time and I didn't want anything bad happening to her. She then said "How about YOU leave us alone and worry about your own shit? This is MY life, so f*ck off". My mother told me that I should apologize for being rude but I told her that I won't apologize for showing concern. But now I just can't help thinking that maybe I was being an asshole and sticking my nose into other people's business. I was just worried but maybe I was being a jerk. AITA? Edit). Yes, I do babysit my sister's kids sometimes, and all 6 of them at the same time whenever they need me to and if I'm available. They pay me $30-$50/hour, but their kids are pretty destructive and they don't respect other adults like they're supposed to, so it's a full chore watching after them. I'm aware that the "stupid husband" comment was inappropriate, but I have almost no filter and my stupid mouth says shit before my brain can stop it. And ummm.... I've seen some comments talk about the ages and assuming my sister is 21? I'M 21f, my sister is 32f, and her husband is 33m. *In the comments:* I inadvertently said it out loud instead of simply thinking about it and I know that I should have made sure that my big mouth didn't open. *Judgment: Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reveddit.com/v/AmItheAsshole/comments/15hc489/aita_for_saying_again_after_my_sister_announced/)** 8 hours later (timestamp via reveddit) &nbsp; **UPDATE** I apologized to my sister for insulting her husband and making that rude comment but I told her that I'm still worried about her having so many kids back to back and that just concerned in general about her health and well-being. She actually forgave me, and she said it's because 1. I'm her youngest sister, 2. She knows about my problem with keeping my thoughts to myself and that I'm working on myself, and 3. She knows that I am concerned for her and she appreciates it, but she has assured me that she's fine and said that this pregnancy wasn't planned and her husband plans on getting a vasectomy because they both want this pregnancy to be the last. For those asking in the comments, she and her husband can afford to have kids. He runs a very successful business and she is still co-partner with her best friend in a company that they both started before she got married. How she manages to juggle being a full time mom and work here and there is beyond me, but she does. That's why I babysit sometimes when the nanny isn't available 24/7. Her husband was the one who initially wanted a big family and my sister just went along with the idea. But that's their business. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for saying "Again??" after my sister announced that she's pregnant with twins

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15v16w8/aita_for_saying_again_after_my_sister_announced/

15v2d8g

Originally posted by u/thrway_dadnc in r/AITAH on July 27, '23 updated on Aug 7, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Parental neglect!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1571e4d/aita_for_telling_my_father_ill_cut_ties_with_him/)** July 27, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for telling my father I'll cut ties with him if he doesn't come to my wedding?** Throwaway because my younger sister knows my main account. My (26F) father (59M) is a slightly known musician in my home country. Due to his career, he missed out on most of my milestones while I was growing up. School plays, a few birthdays and both my high school and college graduations, to name a few. Mostly events he was informed of months in advance, and canceled on me either weeks or days before. He always apologized for doing so, but never really seemed to feel guilty. I remember we almost had a fight because I didn't want to watch a video he had missed my high school graduation to film. It hurt me so much as a child that I stopped expecting him to show up. It still bothered me when I got older, but at that point I understood that it was his job and I should be grateful he even had one. I'm getting married in early September. My fiancé (28M) and I have been planning this wedding for a year and a half. The date was decided and invitations were sent months ago. Almost every guest has already RSVP'd. I've reminded my father of the date several times this past year, and he kept assuring me he had "blocked the entire week of the wedding" and would be there. A couple days ago, my father called to inform me he'd had to schedule a concert for my wedding day. He apologized and said he'd "make it up to me" with a gift. I don't want a gift. I want my father to come to my wedding. So I told him that either he figured out a way to reschedule (which I know he could probably do if he tried), or I'd cut ties with him. What followed was one of the biggest fights we've ever had. He called me ungrateful, spoiled and selfish for giving him that kind of ultimatum and expecting him to change his work schedule for my own benefit (which he has asked me to do on many occasions before). He yelled, and I held myself not to yell back. We're still fighting over this. Most of my family is on my side, though both my mom (divorced from my dad) and my fiancé have warned me not to make any moves I might regret. My sister (20F) is on my father's side, which doesn't surprise me. I love my father and I really don't want to stop talking to him, but I'm done with him expecting to be able to miss out on my life with no consequences. That being said, I'd be lying if I said that I don't feel guilty. Just writing this all down made me feel like a huge brat. AITA? ​ EDIT: Thought I'd clarify some things: -My mom and my fiancé are 100% on my side. They told me to be careful because they know I don't really want to go NC. Also, my mom has barely spoken to my father in almost 20 years and my fiancé is with me because we love each other, not because of who my father is. -My father is not a struggling artist. He's been in this line of work since before I was born. I wouldn't consider him rich, but he lives more than just comfortably. If I thought he couldn't afford to reschedule a concert, I wouldn't blame him for not being able to come to the wedding. And yes, he paid child support and provided for both me and my sister. -I do have other people who can walk me down the aisle. My stepdad (which would make my dad furious, so I might do it purely out of pettiness) and at least two of my best friends would be more than willing to. -My father isn't paying for any part of the wedding. He offered to, but I declined. I don't live with him anymore, and both me and my fiancé have good jobs. When I was younger, I told myself that once I didn't need his money anymore, I'd never ask for it again. -My sister isn't the golden child. He missed many of her milestones as well. ​ EDIT 2: I've tried acting indifferent before. It doesn't work. He interprets it as forgiveness. It's the reason why he still does this. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >Don't cut ties till after you get his wedding present. OP: I could care less about presents. Specially coming from my father - pretty much anything he gives me comes with strings attached. >That sounds like you have more problems with him than him not showing up to stuff… OP: Yep. We've had a rocky relationship for a little over a decade now. For various reasons, including his tendency of using how much money he'd spend on me and my sister against us. That's why I try not to ask him for anything. It's got nothing to do with why I'm threatening to cut contact, though. >NTA. But if he's busy providing for the family he's nta either it's a lose lose situation sure it's a important moment in your life but this could be one of his last tours before he hangs up his boots and walks away from music OP: As far as I know, he has no plans of retiring anytime soon. >What will you tell your children when Poppa misses their milestones? Oh that’s just how he is. >Make the choice now if you’re going to subject your future children to the same pain as you OP: I wouldn't be surprised if I had to force a relationship between him and my future children. My paternal grandfather died when I was 15, and I barely remember his voice. Because not only did we only see each other once or twice a year (he lived in a different city), he also never tried to have a conversation with me. >"expecting him to change his work schedule for my own benefit" >What does he mean? He changed his own work schedule to fall on prior commitments! OP: As he explained on the phone, he forgot about the wedding date while scheduling the concerts with his manager. His current girlfriend reminded him hours later. I knew he couldn't actually "block the whole week" (he'd promised the same thing before my high school graduation), but he could still avoid it. >If he can’t be bothered to walk you down the aisle (one of THE most precious moments a father should look forward to!), then you were never important to him at all. This was the final indication you needed to move on. OP: Before he canceled on me, he specifically said he wanted to walk me down the aisle. I didn't want him to (I hate the whole "giving the bride away" thing), but I'd agreed, because I thought it would be important for him. >I need to ask if your father has not missed much with your sister and that’s why she’s taking his side? Was he available at her milestones? OP: Nope, he missed most of hers as well. My sister keeps taking his side for three reasons: She still lives with him She has been belittling me since she was in elementary school This is probably my fault, but I've been sheltering her from these things her entire life. The only reason why our father went to her high school graduation was because I berated him. As a teen, I took over her fights with him and played mediator whenever I had to. Basically, she never had many problems with him because of me. She doesn't know half of what I've done for her, and I don't really want her to. . This specific concert is in a smaller city. For these, he can usually reschedule until ticket sales are announced (which they haven't been yet). There is some bureaucracy involved, which is why I've never asked him to do so before, but it is doable. . He's doing well financially. He's been on 4 vacations to a nearby town he likes this year alone. He paid for my education, and is still paying my sister's. He's not Scrooge McDuck or anything, but rescheduling a concert won't affect him too much. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15l46tt/update_aita_for_telling_my_father_ill_cut_ties/)** Aug 7, '23 &nbsp; **UPDATE: AITA for telling my father I'll cut ties with him if he doesn't come to my wedding?** Hey guys. A lot has happened, but I'll try to keep this short. I'll start off by saying that your comments on my first post were very eye-opening. Though some of the assumptions you made were wrong, I could see where they all came from, and most of what you said was so spot-on it was painful to read. Someone said that my father doesn't see me as a person, but as an extension of himself. That one hurt the most, because it's the best definition of my relationship with my father I've ever seen. My father wasn't neglectful in the traditional sense. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old, and my mom had primary custody of me and my sister, but we still went to his place several times a week. My mother is a teacher and couldn't raise us on her salary alone, so he was our main financial supporter even after the divorce. Because of all of this, he seems to believe he was the best father ever. Whenever we fought, he always insisted I was wrong and ungrateful. Those same arguments were used whenever I demonstrated I was upset over him missing out on my milestones. In his head, for instance, I couldn't get angry if he missed my high school graduation or if he didn't pay attention to any of the projects I developed in college, because he was the one paying for my education. I decided to stop complaining about this when I was younger, having realized I wouldn't be able to get him to see my side. This wedding incident felt like a turning point, though. Especially since he wasn't paying for anything this time. It made me accept that he doesn't care how much he contributed anymore, but still believes I don't have the right to be upset. I now realize there's no winning this. If he doesn't come, I'll be devastated. If he does, I'll always remember I had to force my own father to come to my wedding. At this point, I'm not even sure which is worse. A few days ago, I had a discussion with my father over the phone, in which I expressed all of the above and more. And as expected, he called me dramatic, accused me of alienating myself, and berated me for talking to him the way I did. I hung up on him. This is how our fights have gone since I was a teenager, and it never solves anything. We haven't spoken since. I sent him a long text, basically saying I didn't want to hear from him until he was ready to both give me a sincere apology and own up to the status of our relationship is his fault. This is all wishful thinking, I really don't think either are gonna happen. I love my father, and I know he loves me to bits. But I can't do this anymore. He's been around my entire life, and still barely knows me for who I am. It's his turn to make that effort. Right now, I'm trying to muster up excitement for my wedding. I lost most of it these past weeks. My fiancé, my mom and my friends are all trying to cheer me up, and it's starting to work. I'm definitely feeling a lot better than last week. I'm really grateful to have them in my life. So that's it for now. Thank you all for your support on my previous post. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >An alternative to your dad walking you down- what about that mom and sibling that you mentioned? OP: My mom, maybe. Definitely not my sister. I'm also considering my stepdad. Truth be told, I never really wanted to do that part in the first place, so we'll see how it goes. >I wanne say it might be best to have some therapy alone or with your new husband to learn and stop getting hurt by your father. OP: Yeah, I'll look into therapy. I refused to for a long time, because I hate the whole "opening up" thing, but now feels like a good time to start. >He will come running if you decide to have kids. But be careful and remember how he treated you. He will do the same to your kids. OP: That worries me, too. My paternal grandfather was so aloof I have no memory of his voice (he died when I was 15), nor do I remember ever having a conversation with him. He knew that was his fault and expressed regret, but not to my dad, who always idolized him. I think about having children frequently, but I never imagined my dad as a grandfather, because I have no doubt he wouldn't recognize those mistakes. &nbsp; *Flairing this ongoing as the wedding hasn't happen yet* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for telling my father I'll cut ties with him if he doesn't come to my wedding?

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15v2d8g/aita_for_telling_my_father_ill_cut_ties_with_him/

15v5lur

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/MaterialYoghurt5439 **I snooped through my girlfriends laptop and saw her mean girl comments about me** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15lz5ew/i_snooped_through_my_girlfriends_laptop_and_saw/) **Aug 9, 2023** My girlfriend (F23) and I (M25) have been dating for a little under a year now. We met 3 years ago when she was in college and I was spending the summer at a relatives in the same city as her. We met on a dating app, went on a date, and started hooking up. I thought she was a sweet girl and very cute, but nothing else ever happened because a week after she started classes again, she told me she was seriously talking to someone. I left for grad school and so we didn't speak again (had each other on instagram though) until about a year ago when she ended up going to grad school at the same institution. I saw on instagram that she was here, slid into her dms, and then we started dating. I thought she showed pretty much every green flag I could ever imagine. She has lots of friends she's really close to, close to her family, volunteers, has lots of hobbies, and is academically and professionally successful. She's so incredibly sweet and considerate. For example, my birthday was just a month after we started dating and yet she still got me a perfect gift. She is pretty much beloved everywhere she goes- her colleagues love her, my friends love her, my family love her. I also want to emphasize how not mean spirited she is. I've definitely dated girls before who were bitchy towards people around them, but my gf is nothing at all like that. The only times I've heard her talk badly about people, it's like she's in a stand up comedy special. It's all humor, nothing mean. And she never gets into arguments with her friends or family and is pretty much on good terms with everyone she's ever met. Anyways- today she was working on her computer and left for the gym. For some reason she left it on (I think she had some research thing running). It was on the kitchen counter so I had to move it, and I saw a google drive folder shared with a bunch of people that was actually titled "SMOKE DARTS EAT FARTS- super DUPER secret edition." I know I should absolutely not have looked but my curiosity got the better of me. Basically it was a folder shared with her friend group from college, which is about 10 girls and super close. There were a lot of subfolders. The first one I looked at had homework keys and back exams from their classes. Then I looked at a document that was titled "bitches love being out of pocket." It was massive (like 100 pages) and there were subheadings for different topics. It seemed like a collection of out of pocket things any of them had said. Each one was cited with the name of which one of them had said it. As I was scrolling through I saw my name under a subheading "men 🐔." Here's what it said (paraphrased): 1) "He seems like the kind of man to purchase linkedin premium" 2) "I feel like he jerks off to his own instagram stories" 3) "There's no way that at least once in his life he hasn't removed a bitches tampon with his teeth" They were all signed with my girlfriends name. I'd felt bad about snooping until then, but after that I really wanted to see if there was anything else about me. I looked through the rest of that file and there were insults about basically everyone they'd ever met, including about every man my gf had ever been with (honestly mine were way less mean than theirs... I guess that's a positive?). There was also a folder with presentations it seemed like my gf had made and presented before each semester in college. They were all titled something like "roster" or "da hoes" and the date, and they had a slide for every man she was talking to, as well as a recap for whoever she'd done over break. Of course I was there, with my full name and pics of me and a picture of my fucking car too. The only description of me was "6/10, bought me cigs and let me use a flavored condom." There were also a lot of pics and videos of them doing illegal/disgusting things and there were some very mean things about other men they knew, like ranking them on the "fuck ass loser scale." The only other thing I saw about me was in a folder titled "life changing moments" that had a list for each of them. There were a lot of insane things in my gfs that I'd never heard about (think: chlamydia from unprotected sex with frat brother or vespa ride with sexy italian man or smoked a pack and threw up). There was also one about me which basically said: fucked ____ and realized I needed to get out of my hoe era if I didn't want to end up being a sad sack of shit too. That is the one that really got me, as it seemed so much meaner than everything else, and I have no idea what she meant by it. It was getting close to the time she would be back though, so I just closed everything and locked her laptop. She got back, I didn't mention anything, and we just had dinner as normal. I am here now because I have absolutely no idea what to do. Everything I saw was honestly awful, and yet she is the last person I would ever expect something like this from. I am in disbelief and I really dont know where to go from here. I am hoping there is some explanation that doesn't make her the world's worst person, and yet I really don't want to confront her either. We have a great thing going and I don't see anyway that confronting her isn't going to lead to drama. I don't want to talk to anyone I know about this, in case we stay together and she then has to face them, so I thought I would ask here and see if anyone had any reason to apply to this completely absurd situation. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15pjsj9/update_i_snooped_through_my_girlfriends_laptop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 12, 2023** So my original post got a lot more attention than I thought it would, but it seemed like you were all invested so I decided to update. The responses on that post were very mixed, but they gave me a lot to think about. I did some reflection and realized that her tone didn't really seem to be much meaner than the jokes she usually makes about people. The ones about me in particular I realized were actually hilarious, like I kept cracking up about the linkedin one. And they were honestly entirely accurate too. What I was honestly really bothered about was that I was included, and I pretty much wanted to know if she actually liked me or was just settling. I knew about her hoe phase before so I wasn't that upset about it either and I felt like it wasn't my place to say anything about that. I decided that I needed to confront her because the situation was upsetting me a lot. I decided that I was going to a) ask her about the 6/10 rating because it honestly hurt my pride a lot hahaha, b) ask her about the sad sack of shit comment because that was the one that seemed meanest, and c) ask her in general if she actually wanted to be with me. It would also have been a deal-breaker if she kept updating the document with stuff about me after we'd started dating, or if she had any really unacceptable stuff on people (like revenge porn). Unlike what a lot of people said, I did not think she was going to Ted Bundy me while I slept. I've seen her in plenty of high stress situations and I have never thought she was going to commit homicide, and I'm also not that afraid of a 5'3" girl. I also didn't think it was right to not say anything, as I knew it was going to continue bothering me. That said, I did realize that I wanted to fuck with her a bit. I've never met anyone who takes it better than her, like anytime I've seen people making jokes about her she takes it very well and enjoys it, so I didn't think it would upset her too much. The day after I made my post, we didn't see each other until dinner. I'd been a bit weird all day over text but she didn't think much of it and just asked me if I was OK. I'd devised my plan at this point, so over dinner I dropped that I was considering buying a linkedin plus subscription for networking. She gave me a side eye like I have never seen before and asked me why on earth I would do that. I saw her later texting her group chat, I didn't see what but I was pretty sure it was about that. That night, we were trying out something new in the bedroom, and as we were cuddling after, I asked her if she was open to something when she was on her period. She asked me what, and I asked if I could take her tampon out with my teeth, as I'd seen a lot on tiktok about it. She looked like she was actually going to scream but held it in and said sure. The next day she seemed suspicious, so I decided to really finish it off. She went to work and I had the day off, so I decided to really go to town on my instagram story. Some of you thought that the instagram story comment meant I posted pics of myself on there, but I actually just post a lot of aesthetic pictures, that I do spend a lot of time taking. I think that comment in her doc was probably because on our first date I took some pics for my instagram story, and she said something like "oh yeah I like those" and I said "ehh they're not really good enough" and she laughed at me even at the time. So anyways that day I roamed around the city to all my favorite aesthetic spots and posted probably 10 or so stories, which I imagine annoyed everyone a lot. She slid up on them and by the 10th one she said "damn youre really going to fucking town on these today." So I replied something like "lmaoo yeah it gets me in the mood you know" to which she replied with the 🤨 emoji. At this point I think she'd caught on, and I had honestly been acting a bit off too because my pride was still a little bruised, and I was also regretting having snooped. That night, she came to my place with my favorite dinner and subtly (for her) asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about. At this point I laid it out for her, and I prefaced it with apologizing for snooping, but that the title of the document had caught my eye. She looked absolutely mortified but was also laughing and kept apologizing. I laid out my 3 concerns to her, and she told me that a) the 6/10 was truthful at the time, but she did like me a lot (as evidence by dating me), b) the sad sack of shit comment was about all the people she knew who only hoed around and never had real relationships, and that sleeping with me made her realize that she would much much prefer to be in a relationship with someone like me, but that she thought she'd squandered her chances by hooking up with me instead, and that c) yes obviously she loved and liked and respected me a lot. She also invited me to look through the folder freely, and that she wasn't ashamed of anything in there, just embarrassed that I'd seen those comments about myself. I checked and there was nothing in there about me since we'd started dating, the only stuff was from when we'd hooked up. She also pointed out a document that I hadn't looked at before. It was in a folder titled "rankings" and each girl had a doc in there. She only let me look at hers, but it was basically a ranking of every person she'd ever been involved with in any way (it was a long document) with comments. I was first, and where for everyone else there was a list of pros and cons, mine just said "lub him xxxx." Also, it seemed like they would all comment on each other's to argue about the ranking (like some of them had things like "no he was sexy move him up"), but mine just had comments from all the girls pretty much affirming the choice and praising me. So I was pretty satisfied with what I saw, and it also seems like they only update it now with stories gossip, or pictures and no insults or anything else like that. My gf was overall mortified and extremely apologetic, and I was also apologetic about looking through it, and told her she could look through anything I owned if she wanted, but she turned me down. She wasn't upset about the snooping at all, and said that she had nothing to hide and that she would've done the same thing if she'd seen a folder as artfully and intriguingly named as theirs. So yeah we are all good :). Thank you to everyone who commented and gave me some perspective. Perhaps I'll update next month with if she let me take her tampon out with my teeth. Also, I'm glad you all found her humor entertaining. She is definitely very funny, and if you want some of the other roasts I saw I can share them in the comments. I didn't tell her that Reddit loved them, as 1) her ego doesn't need to be stroked any more and 2) she probably would've been upset about me posting this on reddit. Also, she probably would've been disappointed about me not coming up with the plan to drop the comments to her on my own. And I knew she wouldn't see any of these, because in her typical style she once told me that she didn't go on reddit because she was afraid social ineptitude was contagious, and that if I ever saw her on reddit for non work reasons, to take her out back and shoot her in the head :) **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I snooped through my girlfriends laptop and saw her mean girl comments about me

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15v5lur/i_snooped_through_my_girlfriends_laptop_and_saw/

15v5pkr

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ill_Atmosphere1064 **AITA for saying I didn’t want my fiance’s best friend to be best man?** **Originally to** r/AITAH [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15futpa/aita_for_saying_i_didnt_want_my_fiances_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 2, 2023** My fiance Grant (29M) and I (27F) have been dating for years. I knew I wanted to marry him about a year in but he’s been wishy washy about the marriage. His best friend Keith (28M) is married to a friend of mine, Hannah. Since we were 20, Keith was a rude, jealous person who hated me. He hated all of Grant’s girlfriends. I tried telling Grant the reason he had no other friends than Keith was because Keith chased everyone around away. For example, I once wore something cute for a date. Keith told me I looked like the garbage can they had. Grant insisted Keith didn’t mean to be rude. Grant wanted my friends to hang out with him and Keith when I just wanted Grant there. I relented. I regretted it when the first time they met my friends Keith was so rude he reduced Hannah to tears. It was so over the top that even he had to later apologize and “made it up to her”. My fiance and I were discussing the wedding. He insisted that Keith had to be his best man. I refused. I said Keith could be a groomsman but I did not want that man symbolizing love. Grant got mad and said he had to return the favor as he was Keith’s best man and I was Hannah’s bridesmaid. I stood my ground and he threw up his hands and said he would never get married. Edit: It’s not one situation. I was using those to illustrate how his best friend is in general. He’s mean and rude in general. He ate a slice of my birthday cake that Grant made before I even got to see it. When we got engaged, he only said “sorry” to Grant. His nickname for me is froggu because I have a “frog personality.” [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15p8vxv/update_aita_for_saying_i_didnt_want_my_fiances/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 12, 2023** So this probably isn’t the update people were hoping for. I told Grant all of Keith’s awful behaviors and he interrupted me with the same tired excuses. I asked him if it wasn’t Keith but some random person, would he see it as innocent. He was silent. I made an ultimatum that we had to go to couples counseling for the marriage to go forward. He agreed. Grant then brought up the wedding. There was a few reasons I didn’t want Keith to be best man. One of them was the best man speech. I didn’t want to be insulted even subtly on my wedding day. Grant said that if I didn’t want Keith to be best man, then no one would be. I said that’s fine. Honestly I wanted to talk this over in couples counseling but he insisted on rehashing our arguments. He also said that just to be fair I wouldn’t have a maid of honor. I didn’t understand this. Frankly, he didn’t have a problem with my friends. Grant likes them. It felt like he was doing that to punish me. Then he said that if Keith wasn’t invited to the wedding, which isn’t what I said at all, then I shouldn’t either invite my maid of honor Alice, who’s my best friend, or Hannah. Hannah’s a bridesmaid but I don’t understand how he dragged her into this besides being Keith’s wife? It was a tit for tat situation. I think he was trying to make me back down by issuing ultimatums. It backfired because Grant told Keith about our arguments on him and Hannah not being invited to the wedding. Which we hadn’t even agreed on. Keith laughed off him not getting invited but he got really pissed at Grant for uninviting Hannah. He screamed at Grant and basically won’t talk to him anymore. Grant is upset because I’m mad at him and Keith is mad at him. I told him to save it it for couples counseling because opening his mouth did nothing but ruin the situation. This is way too much drama for a wedding. I don’t want this to be the rest of my life and our kids when we have them and I’m rethinking our marriage. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Low-Assistance9231** >Did you mention how keith immediately stood up for his own wife with no hesitation when grants been allowing his friend to continually disrespect you **OOP replied** >>At this point, it’s just filed under Keith can do whatever he wants. >>So like if I said “Keith stood up for Hannah with no hesitation but you won’t stand up for me” Grant would say that’s different because that’s how Keith is and I thought whatever Keith did is bad so why am I saying what Keith did is right? And then he would say something like Keith didn’t have to let me be in his wedding either but I got to be a bridesmaid but you don’t want him in our wedding. Which I never said. I said I didn’t want him to be best man because of what he might say to me or about me in his speech. Honestly, Keith is our only source of argument. We get along so well without this one thing. But it’s such a big thing to move past. >>And it feels so unfair because as terrible as Keith is, he immediately cut off Grant when Hannah was uninvited. That’s his baby. And I wonder why Grant can’t do the same for me. **COOMENTS FROM OOP** **OOP:** >I’m having a tough time wrapping my head around Grant being a bad person. He’s an elementary school teacher and he goes above and beyond for his students. He volunteers at the homeless shelter. He helped me when I was at my lowest. That’s why I think he’s a good person. Because he makes these choices. >But then I think about Keith and how Grant allows him to disrespect me in so many ways. He’s a good person but he’s WEAK. He won’t stand up for me. Honestly, if Grant spoke about Hannah the way Keith speaks about me, Keith would be furious. That’s what hurts the most. >It’s not like Keith is that nice to Grant either. He calls him a pushover, weak, and fat. And yet Grant still stands beside him. >What good is a person who won’t stand up for you? I’m hoping couples counseling will open up his eyes. This is a last ditch effort to save this relationship. **&** **OOP:** >Grant’s not one of the boys. He’s have to have more friends for that. Keith is his only friend that wasn’t my friend first or a friend of us together. >I’m the opposite of a fan for Keith and Hannah’s marriage but he would stand up for his wife. He’s still not talking to Grant after screaming at him. >Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think Grant tries to placate the most stubborn person in any relationship. If it was me vs his mom, who’s a sweet heart and a bit of a doormat, he’d take my side because I would stand up for myself. He’d try to make his mom back down and she would. I’ve never had that happen but i can see it. If it was me vs Keith, Keith is a selfish jerk who’s never heard the word no in his life, so Grant would choose Keith and try to make him back down. The ultimatums were to make me back down I think. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for saying I didn’t want my fiance’s best friend to be best man?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15v5pkr/aita_for_saying_i_didnt_want_my_fiances_best/

15v5syd

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SeriousDog29 **I yelled at my husband for bringing a puppy home right after my 11 year old dog passed away.** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Loss of a dog, dealing with grief!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Optimistic for OOP!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15js1nk/i_yelled_at_my_husband_for_bringing_a_puppy_home/) **Aug 6, 2023** My German Shepherd dog (Roxy) recently passed away at 11 years old. Towards the end I was carrying her from room to room and one morning I woke up to find that she had passed away during her sleep. Even though I knew that she was getting old and eventually she would die, her death hit me extremely hard. I cried for days and depression took over my life. I still worked, went to the gym, etc., but I sometimes would forget to eat or shower in the morning and my husband would make sure to remind me. I became visibly skinnier but I still managed to show myself as happy and full of life when I went out with my friends or just went out in general. They did ask me if I was okay because I had just lost my dog but I would always put a smile on and reply with "I'm okay because I know she's up in dog heaven" or something similar. Only my husband saw my depressive side and he was concerned all the time and tried to cheer me up by using his great sense of humor, one of the best qualities about him. He even brought over a 7 week old German Shepherd puppy (who looked exactly like how Roxy did when she was 2 months old) from one of his friends whose female dog had given birth 7 weeks ago and he must have seen the joy on my face when I played and cuddled with the puppy. Roxy passed away 3 weeks ago and the visit from the puppy was 1.5 weeks ago. 4 days ago I went on a 2 day work trip. When I returned home, I was greeted by the same puppy that my husband had brought 8 days ago. My husband came to me with a huge smile on his face and asked how was my trip and everything. All I could focus on was the puppy and I asked him what was the puppy doing here? He smiled even more and said that he saw how much I loved the puppy so he bought her for $5,600 at a discount from his friend as a present to me. I immediately asked him "Why would you do this? You know I'm not over Roxy, but you wanted to bring another puppy like Roxy can just be replaced like that??" And I went to the bedroom and slammed the door and burst into tears. The puppy had followed me but I had closed the door before she could come in and she was scratching the door. My husband told me that he was sorry but he thought this is what I wanted. I yelled at him that he should have asked me first and to just leave me alone. I know that his intentions were good and he wanted me to be happy, but I loved Roxy like she was my daughter. I've had her since I was in high school and she's been my rock and support throughout every hardship. She was also my protector who saved me from possible dangers, specifically from men. Even though she was a female dog, she was still very frightening when in attack mode and her protection work was top-notch. I was still grieving and wasn't ready to connect with another dog. The next day I told my husband that I was sorry for my breakdown and that I was just still going through the grieving process. He forgave me, but he is still visibly upset at me. I wanted him to return the puppy but I feel so guilty for yelling at him and that he spent so much money that I decided to keep the puppy. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Tangyplacebo621** >I say NAH. I have been where you’re at- I found my 10 year old Boston Terrier (she has Cushing’s Disease) had passed one morning, and I was beside myself. She was my best friend and was with me through a lot. My husband ended up getting us a puppy a few days after she passed. I didn’t feel ready, but it really helped our other dog and my son. And I still have so much love for my dog that passed , but love the puppy and loved him so much we got one more puppy recently. We still talk about our sweet girl that passed, but these new dogs in our lives do not take away any of that. **OOP replied** >>I definitely love the new puppy and I don't look at her with contempt or anything but I still feel like this is too early for me. I mean, I will be able to give the new puppy the same amount of love that I had for Roxy but stuff like this takes time. * [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15p6uyh/update_on_yelling_at_my_husband_for_getting_a_new/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 12, 2023** So I kept the puppy, but not out of guilt. Someone mentioned that the same thing happened to them but the new puppy was able to help them through the grieving process and that's exactly what is happening. The new puppy has brought me so much joy and love over the past few days and because she looks exactly like Roxy did when she was the same age, it's like reliving Roxy's puppyhood and being given a second opportunity to furnish her with the same amount of love. I wanted to name her Roxy but I decided to go with 'Althea' which means "healing" and I think it's the perfect name for her. I have apologized to my husband again for yelling at him and reacting the way I did when he meant well. He said that he understood that I was grieving and that dogs can't be replaced like cars, that he should have consulted with me first before bringing in a live puppy that requires a colossal amount of care. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I yelled at my husband for bringing a puppy home right after my 11 year old dog passed away.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15v5syd/i_yelled_at_my_husband_for_bringing_a_puppy_home/

15vgn2a

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ilovecatsandmonster **in** r/TwoHotTakes *thanks to* u/Direct-Caterpillar77 *for suggesting this BORU* trigger warnings: >!cancer, terminal illness, suffering, mention of euthanasia!< mood spoilers: >!bittersweet!<   [**I want my husband to fall in love with my sister**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/158q79n/i_want_my_husband_to_fall_in_love_with_my_sister/) **- 25th July 2023** Hi, a the title says, I want them to fall in love. I(30F) met my husband (34M) when we were kids. We used to live in the same street and our parents were very close. Me, my sister, him and his sister never spent a minute without each other from when I was 4 until I was 11. We were still close after, but my now husband and his family moved a few blocks away. And we were entering puberty, so he babysat me and his sis. But my sister is the same age as him, so they still hang out. Everyone at that time believed they were going to get married, but they never even got together. My sister did confess to having a crush on him when they were 12 but thats about it. Fast forward a few years, me and him reconnect after he moved away. At this point I was 20 and he was 24, just finished his studies abroad. We fell in love and hit it off. We married, had our son in January 2020 and a baby girl in august of 2022. After my daughters birth was diagnosed with cancer, its terminal annd I only have a few months left (I do not want to go into detail) Me and my husband are both very outgoing, social and kind of childish maybe (lol don't mind the user) but lately all I can do is cry and lay in my bed. I am exhausted and only reason I don't apply for euthanasia is because of my children. I know he will have no trouble finding beautiful, caring partner in the future but I still am scared. I know my sister had always taken a liking to him, and he likes her. Their feelings just never bloomed because of our relationship. But I can feel theyre there sometimes. And recently they had a lot of one on one time planning stuff because I am too tired. My kids find great support in her, and my husband too. I love them both, and I think that if he had connected with her first after moving back, they would've been together now. I am in no way jealous or delusional, I know the feelings will come and the sooner the better. **UPDATE 1:** First of all, thankyou all for your kind words and advice. It seems to be unanimous: I'm writing letters. And for all of you saying I'm a troll or asking more details: I've already told you all that I am not comfortable with sharing those details, I know I'm in my final moments and I do not feel the need to validate myself for some strangers. Also f\*ck you if you think I am lying tbh. I talked to my parents today, I told them how I think they will make a great couple and how I trust my parents to take care of ALL of them. Not to exclude my husband when I pass. They reassured me he will always be welcome and have thought the same in the past. My sister has even expressed feelings for my husband not too long ago, telling them she won't make a move but it needed to be said. The result of our talk was a lot of crying and me promising them to give them letters to hand out after my passing. (few months after of course) I saw my sister shortly, she didn't understand why I cried but we hugged for 15 minutes straight and I told her I want my husband to be happy with whoever is good for him after my passing. Then we cried together and she brought me home.   **Comments** *I’m sorry. People get all kinds of mixed up, worrying about what they should do. You might want to make sure they know how you feel so they don’t have to second guess themselves. Maybe tell them towards the end, but also in writing, just in case.* *I worked with a man in the ‘80’s whose brother had died, leaving behind a wife and young children. This man married his late brothers wife. At the time I thought this was really out there, but I understand now.* >I want them to be able to love and be loved, and my kids in a happy home. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't. But I have a strong feeling that it's meant to be. I jokingly told my husband about it and he went quiet but smiled. I'm soon going to talk to my parents and sister after. &#x200B; *Maybe set up some kind of date or get together to respark a time they remember together…if that doesn’t spark something then let it go. But it’s very sweet you want to take care of your husband and make sure he’s set before you pass. I also totally get the euthanasia thing. If I were in your shoes I’d have the same mindset* >I like the idea of a date a lot. It gives them maybe some alone time but fun, no worries and a nice dinner. I might just surprise them because they've done a lot for me and deserve some free time too (especially hubby) &#x200B; *I am selfish. I have never loved anyone so much to be able to do this. I've always thought when I die I just want to die old with my partner so they'll never find another. If I die young it'll be the last thing I think about. You're awesome for being able to do that.* >Don't call yourself selfish! I used to say "If I die first and you find a new love, I will haunt the shit out of you both" and stuff like that. I guess it comes with the overwhelming truth, you can't withhold you SO from a new love. And if you're going to die, you soon realize you love your person sm that it would kill you (oops) to see them unhappy and lonely. *Yes. But.. I just . When I think about dying, and then my partner one day, no matter how soon, happening upon another woman, another woman's naked body, another woman's inner thoughts, Personality, way of life, the pain feels unbearable. It feels like I would never be able to accept that.* >I promise you this is so normal. And I know my situation isn't. I've talked with my and the hospitals therapist and both were kind of surprised, as is 80% of the commenters. Don't feel selfish for it, I used to want him all for myself too. And it would be normal that if you get into my situation you wouldn't want your partner's to just move on. I guess I'm just in a state in which I found not just peace but also a bit of rest in my state. &#x200B; *My uncle got terminal cancer, and his wish was that her wife would consider his younger brother after he passed away. His reasoning was that his brother already had a good relationship with the kids, and he wanted them to have a father figure that he trusted.* *He communicated his wish to both of them, and one year after he passed away, they got married and have been married for almost 30 years now.* >This and the fact I've felt the tension and love between them. It's more than a brother sister love but less than a romantic partner, a perfect love story would've been if I wouldn't be here. I can feel their emotions piercing trough me sometimes. It kills me to think about them not being able to be together if the time is right. I feel like an outsider sometimes. trying to see what others see, and I see a right person wrong timing here. &#x200B; [**UPDATE: I want my husband to fall in love with my sister.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15mqclx/update_i_want_my_husband_to_fall_inlove_with_my/) **- 9th August 2023** So, these past weeks were exhausting and exciting at the same time. Starting off with some bad news today. My health has hit a low, which hurts and is scary but I knew it was coming. I don't know how long I have left, but it won't be too long. Like I said, I'm at peace with that knowledge and I dont want you guys to overwhelm me with concern. I love your sympathy and support, but on the concern part I'm heavy. I KNOW I will die and it will be fine. Life goes on (at least for you guys lol) As for my parents; when I spoke with them they confirmed my exact thoughts. My sister and husbands love just hadn't had the chance to bloom yet. They found your idea of the letters incredibly beautiful but told me to also talk to my husbands parents. So I did. I made the long drive and told my husband I was paying my niece a visit. His parents broke down crying, telling me they admired me for my selflessness. We talked a lot about how it used to be when we were younger, came to the conclusion they will always support Husbands choices and would love to get to know my sister better/again (they kind of lost contact a few years ago when husbands parents moved away). I sat my sister down too, telling her I'd like her to help my husband grieve (her and my parents of course) and help him move on after, no matter with who. She hugged me, told me of course and we discussed some things about the kids. I joked about them getting together to play mom and dad, she smiled. I think shes seeing right through me, like she always has. And last but not least, my husband: I haven't told him anything. I did cook them both dinner (to my best abilities, just one course and store bought desert lmao) and made them enjoy it on their own while I was 'busy' with the kids. It wasn't akward, it was best friend-ish but sweet. I wrote the letters, my parents and husbands sibling know where they are and will hold on to them. One for my kids (along with some videos, my husband knows about those) One for my husband right after I pass, and one for sis and hubby a few months after my passing. I hope this is an update y'all like, trying to end it on a positive note. Thanks for all the love and support!   **Top Comment** *I hope your last days are filled with love and happiness. Just hug your kids close. Tell them you love them. Tell all the people you love you love them and how they’ve made your life better, more joyful. These are things they will cling to.* *Be at peace.*   **Flairing as Inconclusive as we probably won't know if the husband and sister get together and sadly we might not get any more posts.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I want my husband to fall in love with my sister

INCONCLUSIVE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15vgn2a/i_want_my_husband_to_fall_in_love_with_my_sister/

15vko9b

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Glass_Thing7 in r/TwoHotTakes**. trigger warnings: >!domestic abuse, toxic relationship!< --- &nbsp; [**Is my boyfriend trying to sabotage my grades or am I being paranoid?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15n8tky/is_my_boyfriend_trying_to_sabotage_my_grades_or/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - August 10, 2023 I am using a different account because I have been having suspicions about my boyfriend. I (24f) am doing my masters in Data Science and it is a really hard subject for me. I will say I am very studious and always strived to get good grades. If I do well in masters I will get scholarship on my PHD. But lately somethings have been happening that has made me suspicious of my boyfriend, Liam (26m). We have been dating for 5years now. We met in college, Liam has no interest in higher studies and wants to do business but he knows how much important my studies are for me. So, it started happening almost few months ago. It was my mid terms and I am always on time. But that day I woke up 15 minutes late. I swear I did put the alarm right I never miss it. But on that day I missed it. Luckily there was no harm done. But then again I lost my report I was doing. I got a lot of shit because of that from my supervisor. I thought maybe I misplaced it. I found it inside the night stand of Liam's side. When I asked about it he made an excuse that I must have kept it. The thing is I never touch his side of the night stand unless I am cleaning. Then one time Liam arranged a family dinner right before an important presentation of mine. He knew not to disturb me during any of those exams and crucial times. I was angry with him. He told me I am being selfish by only thinking about my grades and school and never focus on him. This is almost like a pattern. He would always have some big things planned before my quizzes and exams or project presentations. I remember in one instance where I wrote a code in my computer and saved it, only for it to have bugs and as I was fixing it, I can tell someone deliberately tampered with my code. I know Liam sometimes borrow my computer because his one is old and mine has better performance. What happened last night confirmed my suspicion. There was a report I have been working on for 6 months. This is basically a journal I have been working on. Today I had to show the first draft of it to my supervisor. I usually keep my computer open before I go to sleep. It locks automatically. Late at night when I woke up I saw Liam was doing something on my computer. I asked him what is he doing on my computer? His response was "I was looking at porn." That was stupid and lame. And guess what? My entire report was deleted and even the backup ones I had on my google drive was deleted. Luckily I saved it on cloud and pen-drive too. But I am still feeling like he did it intentionally. I don't understand why would he do that? I did confront him but it only made him angry saying I am accusing him without any proof and that since I live under his roof he should be allowed to use my stuff too. I am concerned whether I am being paranoid and sabotaging my relationship or is he trying to sabotage my grades? &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User 1:** > >Yeah, first he sabotages your grades, next he sabotages your birth control to trap you. >Has he started to isolate you from friends and family yet? >>**User 2:** >> >>OP - tell him you have an exam on Friday (it’s a lie) tell him it’s super important and it will make or break you for the next 6 months….watch how he tries to figure out how to sabotage you. At least this time you can take a back seat and watch all the things he does. Then get rid of him! >> >>**User 3:** >> >>Seriously, when you are constantly having to defend his actions to your friends and family so you just stop talking to them as much… run. Although supposedly some people like this endear themselves to friends and family so then they don’t believe you either and you are questioning the nature of your reality. &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User 1:** > >Friend, there are no red flags big enough to wave at you. > >Flee. Take your stuff and leave. Don't give warning. Just coordinate friends to help you and go. He will eventually do something to ruin your chances of graduating. Then he will sabotage your job. He's jealous. And he'll keep lying. You know what you saw. Don't let him gaslight you any further. > >The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Is this the future you want? > >>**User 2:** >> >>This. >> >>OP, he is brazen about his disdain for everything you are working towards and for. >> >>Never stay with someone who does not respect you. He is showing absolute disdain towards your goals. Disdain and sabatoge are neither love nor respect. >> >>In a sea of millions of men I promise there is one out there that will love you, support you and respect you. This guy doesn't love you or respect you... let alone support your goals. &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User 1:** > >Ok. He's extremely jealous that he isn't your only focus. It's a narcissist trait. Run, run, run. Don't make a decades long mistake like I did. He'll deliberately ruin everything for you. >>**User 2:** >> >>If it isn’t jealousy, it’s control. A woman with a masters in data science and gunning for a PHD will have no problem supporting herself and is therefore able to leave deadweight behind. The deadweight can try to gaslight and destroy chances now, but once those degrees are under OPs belt then there’s no way shithead Liam will be able to even get tickets to her league. >>>**User 3:** >>> >>>This. >>> >>>OP, re read what you wrote. Why are you even questioning yourself? He needs to be gone. >>> >>>He, quite literally, tried to destroy 6 months of hard work and research out of pure unadulterated selfishness. There is no redeeming that. You can not communicate out of that. >>> >>>He needs to be kicked out today or you need to leave because he will destroy your academic and professional future out of spite and jealousy given the chance. Do NOT give him another chance. Next time it could be the end of your academic and professional reputation. >>> >>>Literally, I'd kick him out and change the locks. If the place belongs to him, pack your stuff and move it to storage and stay with a friend while you line up new housing. >>>>**User 4:** >>>> >>>>Also, in case you didn't see my comment, please talk to your supervisor about this. They need to know someone has been sabotaging your work &nbsp; [**Is my boyfriend trying to sabotage my grades or am I being paranoid? (Update)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15p77ek/is_my_boyfriend_trying_to_sabotage_my_grades_or/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - August 12, 2023 Woah, I didn't realize I would get this many responses. I didn't get the time to read everyone of your comments. But I took one suggestion someone gave me. I don't remember who but it was also my friend's suggestion. She asked me to install a hidden nanny cam on my work station and a key logger. My friend, Lisa told me to not rush into things, just have proof of it in case he blames me and says I am lying. So, that day when I posted this, I acted like I have a huge assignment due next week and I need to focus on my work. I lied to him just to test if he does the same thing or not. I opened an old assignment of mine and pretended to work on it. After that I went to bed, I know I could just catch him in the middle of the act but I knew he would be lying. And yes as you guessed it he deleted the assignment from everywhere. I have proof that he did it. The next morning I said nothing, I told him I am sick so I am skipping school. But really I was planning to get the hell out his house. Lisa came along with my other friends and helped me. It was quick because we were 5 people. After I was settled in Lisa's house, I messaged him and said: "I know what you did, I am breaking up with you and moving out. Don't try to contact me or try to reach out. We are done." I blocked his number. I don't know where he is or what he is doing right now. But I heard from one of my distant friend that he has been asking for me. I don't know what to do next. I am literally scared to even go out. I am trying to see if I can attend my classes online instead of going to campus. &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User:** > >Great job taking quick action for your own self-preservation and future. > >I'm guessing you already did, but be sure to change ALL of your passwords right now. > >And don't let the jerk keep you isolated. Go to class. Just be aware of your surroundings. Carry pepper spray. And have campus police on speed dial on your phone. If he approaches you, tell him to get away and stay away from you now. If he fails to do that, call campus police immediately. While he watches. And keep a couple of good friends on speed dial for whenever you just need a gut check. He sounds mostly manipulative and emotionally abusive so far, not physical from what you've said. But you never know what the response will be when they're called out and rejected for their behavior. And as others have said, get a restraining order if he keeps approaching you after you've told him not to. > >>**OOP:** >> >>Thanks, I couldn't have done it without people advising me and my friends. &nbsp; **Comment:** >**User 1:** > >A selfish part of me wishes we could have known his reaction to being exposed, but you definitely made the right moves. Very well handled! Your friends rock, and I hope everything goes as smoothly as it can moving forward. Sorry you got stuck with such a manipulative boyfriend for that time. > >>**OOP:** >> >>Ex-boyfriend. I have told people not to contact me about him. My friends have volunteered to lie to him but I am sure he will show up at my campus. >> >>>**User 2:** >>> >>>You may wanna give campus security a heads up. &nbsp; *Although the original issue with the schoolwork being sabotaged has been resolved, OOP’s separation from her now ex has introduced new issues that could lead to further conflict. Additionally, it is still unknown whether OOP will be able to attend classes online. Because of this, there may be future updates, so this is being marked as ONGOING.* &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Is my boyfriend trying to sabotage my grades or am I being paranoid?

ONGOING

Ok-Donut3656

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15vko9b/is_my_boyfriend_trying_to_sabotage_my_grades_or/

15vtoxx

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/PinkMonsterXa in r/AmItheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!adoption, bullying!< mood spoilers: >!bleak!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA For refusing to babysit the golden childs baby after he disowned me for being adopted?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uadqu0/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_the_golden_childs/) - April 23rd 2022 I (20, fem) was adopted when I was 16 by my half brother and his wife who where in their late 30s at the time. They already had 6 children when they adopted me, but it was never a issue. They have treated me like their own kid since they meet me and later adopted me, so did all their other kids. Except for one, their golden child who is only 4 months older then me. We will call him Chad. Chad has always been a insensitive asshole to literally everyone, including our other siblings. He would literally fist fight our older sister, say horrible and mean things to everyone and get away with it. He also had extreme anger issues that would case broken doors, holes in walls, etc. He also got to do everything me and my sister where never able to do, got a free car, go out at night,ect. When we where still in school together during Highschool, he got up infront of our whole class year and told everyone I wasn’t his sister and never would be. He then told me infront of his friends that I would never be apart of his family and I should just get over it and walked off. This was not a one-and-done thing, he would keep doing this up until he moved out and I stopped seeing/talking to him. Golden boy once again got the limelight of the family after he got married right after highschool,moved out to his wife’s family’s house, and then had a baby,the first grand baby. Since this has happened I have stayed as far away from him as possible,only seeing him for family pictures every year because our mother asks. Recently I decided to come forward to our mom about what he said and did, because she was upset about how I was “ distancing” myself from him. She basically pulled the “that still my kid and it’s my first grand baby” card as the reason she wasn’t going to be upset over it. I didn’t really care to be honest, I knew it wasn’t going to change her mind on her kid anyway. Out of nowhere, I got a message begging me to come to babysit for them because “your the only one who can deal with these kinds of babies because no one will help” apparently they are weeing there kid off of breastfeeding and the baby is extremely clingy because of that, and the fact that the mom is a germ phobia who has basically isolated this kid since birth, it literal has only been held by like 6 people since it's been born. They know I don't sleep for the most part because I'm an insomniac with ADHD, and I also am not bothered by crying. For some reason, I can sit for hours with the baby crying and it doesn't bother me, can't tell if that's a blessing or a curse at this point. My sister is mad at me because apparently they haven't asked anyone else in the family for help but me, and everyone wants to go see this baby. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be around or take care of the baby because it's father said that I'm not apart of his family? &nbsp; [**Update:Chad had burned the bridge for the last time**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PinkMonsterXa/comments/uarnsb/updatechad_had_burned_the_bridge_for_the_last_time/) - April 24th 2022 I want to say this, I read everyone's comments and It made me feel much better knowing my feelings on this whole situation are valid. I wanted to give a update, that most of you may not like?? After I posted I ended up talking to two of my friends from high school, they where actually there during multiple occasions when Chad public said all that stuff. I talked with them for a little while, one of these friends actually came over almost weekly when I was still living at my parent's home so she firsthand understands my family. We talked and we all mutually agreed, I go this once, see if we can't mend things, if not I can tell my mom and sister I tried and we are done with the whole thing and if the whole “negative” thing with my family keeps up, I will cut them off for good. So I accepted to go babysit. I went over to Chad’s house around 8pm. As soon as I showed up I was great by Chad’s wife who was extremely happy to see me, she was tired, you could just tell she had the “I have a one-year-old.” face going on. She talked to me for a few minutes about how happy she was I came over and how she was glad to be going out with Chad. I kinda just listened to her go on and on before she finally got to the baby. Let's call him Seth. She explained to me his night route, feedings, etc. Nothing to big. Then she got to the end where she started going on about how he was having “crying fits” at night and how he wouldn't get to sleep until mid-morning. I was a little ehh on that, but all babies have different routes I guess. She then said they would only be gone about 4 hours and that they would be home around like 12:30 1 at most. After this Chad shows up from their room, literally starts talking to his wife, looks at me and then just kind looks me over for a minute and gives me a small wave and nod before heading out of the house. His wife follows and simply tells me to call or text if I need anything. For a minute I was just stunned but went to work to see Seth. Which was odd, because it was my first time seeing him in person and not in the photos that are hung around our partners house. In person he is the cutest little baby ever. He was fine the whole time, and he only cried because there was no one in the room not because of the weaning. By this time it was around 11:30 almost 12. I would check the clock every few minutes just to see what time it was. 12:30 rolled around and I'm like “should I text them??” and I'm like no let me give them another few minutes until I need to text them. I ended up texting both of them at 1 asking where they where because they did say they would be home by now. I got no reply from either of them. They finally show up at 3 in the morning. I'm livid at this point. Not even over having to take care of Seth for a longer period of time,but just because they never texted me back. Like what of there was emergency or something?? They walk into the living room and I'm just like “I texted asking where y'all where and no one answered” and Chad’s wife starts saying that “oh Chad said it was fine and that it would only be a hour more-” and I was just like “you know what its fine, what ever, Seth is sleeping.” she looks at me all weird and I rolled my eyes say “its not the weening that's making him cry at night. He gets lonely,he's clingy. Just let him know you are in the room when he starts crying and he will go right back to sleep.” I started to walk out with my stuff, as I was right about to walk completely past Chad when I turned around and was like “So you aren't going to say anything to me? After I looked after your kid for like 7 hours now?” he snorted at me and was like “no? My wife is the one who talked me into this anyway” pissed off at this point I said “ So this wasn't I don't know, possibly a way to be able to apologize for high school or maybe all those other times you decide to outcast me from the family? Because I was under the impression that maybe you want to patch things up because of you asking me of all people to watch your kid.” He sat there for a minute and just said “Why should I apologize? Because literally nothing from high school has changed. Man you really do need to just grow up and understand that me and my wife and aren't going to cater to you like mom and dad did because your adopted. You ain't our family and you won't ever be.” at this point I just got in my car and left. I ended up texting my mom about all of it thinking she would get it in the morning when she woke up. No of course she had to be awake. She apparently told Chad’s wife about the conversation we had about all the stuff Chad had said and done to me in school. Apparently his wife felt bad because she had a adopted sister too and felt horrible that Chad had done and said all those things. Apparently mom didn't know about Chad asking about the babysitting thing until now and she started talking to the wife who is now upset. Apparently she thought Chad would have changed since then and didn't think he will act the way he did when I left. I told my mom that I'm done with him, and that if something every happened with Seth then I would be there but I was done with them until that happens. way things are going, I will most likely be cutting my whole family off, because this isn't worth the stress anymore. &nbsp; [**Update:Mother is now ruining my time with the new of my other brother getting married**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PinkMonsterXa/comments/uy0f3g/updatemother_is_now_ruining_my_time_with_the_new/) - May 26th 2022 So it has been a hot minute since I last updated on the whole “Chad” situation, it’s mainly do to the surprising fact that my family, my mother and sister, not bugging me as much lately. The first day or two after the interaction with Chad was a bit hectic. Both of them where blowing up my phone, trying to get me to talk to them, mostly my mom just making excuses for Chad & my sister trying to basically just tell me to get over it. I ended up telling the both of them, in text and over the phone, that I was over it, and I would be cutting myself off completely from Chad and his little family. This sparked some anger but my mother soon went quite and later my sister. Everything seemed to be going pretty good after that for a while. That was until a week later when my sister showed up unannounced at my apartment demanding that I “take the blessing of getting to be around Chad’s sheltered child when no one else seemed to be able to.” Basically acting like it was some huge honor that I was asked to babysit. I almost snapped. I wanted to call her a bitch and to get off my property and not come back because I was just so sick of it. But I didn’t. From my door step I told her that if she wanted to see the baby so bad just go over and see it, it wasn’t my issue to deal with and I slammed the door in her face and watched her leave. It’s been radio silent for a while now until earlier this week. I was scrolling on Instagram when I noticed that my oldest brother, the one that I get along super well and supported me about curing Chad off, his girlfriend of 4 year & the same age as me, are now engaged and posted pictures of the proposal. I noticed the post had been made last week, but, no one had told me? Not even my mother? I texted my brothers girlfriend asking her about literally everything that was happening. She was surprised because my mother had said she had told everyone in the family about the wedding. She then told me that they would be holding a family meeting at my parents house to talk about the wedding plans. I said ok. The meeting was for today around dinner time. I showed up and walked into the house and noticed that a lot of stuff was different decoration wise. My parents had our family photos all arranged around the living room, and a few random frames with multiple small photos in them as well. I noticed that they had replaced multiple small photos of specifically me from the frames, and replaced them with now pictures of Chad and his wife and my older brother and his girlfriend. What where maybe 6 pictures of me on any of the walls, there where now two, a baby picture of me and my senior highschool photo, that are now in the hallway, not even the living room. I ignored it and didn’t say anything . After a while everyone showed up, except for, of course, Chad, who my mom pulled the “he wanted to spend time with his baby🥺” bs. They all started talking about the “people plans “ of the part, aka people who where going to be key parts of the wedding cast. I tried my best to listen and take in all of what my brothers girlfriend was saying. I noticed by the end of it all, my name was literally never added into any of the main plans. I wasn’t mentioned at all for another in the plans, I stated to question why I was there if I wasn’t going to be in the main plans of the wedding. I was kinda like “Why not just send me a invitation then?” I went home and texted his girlfriend asking about what had happened at the little meeting. Apparently my mother had told her that I wouldn’t want to be involved in any of the wedding stuff and that it wasn’t my thing. She called me unfeminine & that I wouldn’t like doing any kind of bridal stuff because I’m not girly. She then said everything was set in stone now, my older sister is going to be a bridesmaid and my little sister is to be a flower girl. My little little brother will be the ring holder & my other little brother & Chad will be groomsmen. And apparently my mother also told her that because of what happened with Chad that I shouldn’t be sat at the family table but at a guest table. I will just be another guest at the wedding. I didn’t really say anything back because it hurt. It hurt that my mother would say that about me, that I was in feminine and that just because I myself didn’t do a lot of girly things in my spare time, I wasn’t going to be able or enjoy doing something like a wedding or be a bridesmaid. I can’t believe she would say that about me. To be honest I don’t know if I’m even going to go. The wedding is scheduled for the end of the year. It sounds stupid and petty, but this hurt me. It hurt that I’m being outcasted, most likely do to Chad once again. And as I am typing this my sister is texting me about how she is helping plan all the bride stuff. Honestly I’m going to leave it off at this for right now because I don’t know how to even feel if you know what I mean right now. In the next day or so I might update when I feel up to it. &nbsp; [**Another update:Chad’s wife is pregnant again**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PinkMonsterXa/comments/v01b38/another_updatechads_wife_is_pregnant_again/) - May 29th 2022 I don’t even know what to say, I didn’t expect to update again so soon but I just got the news from my older brother’s fiancé. Chad’s wife is pregnant again. &nbsp; [**Update:Slowly trying, but not going great**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PinkMonsterXa/comments/x5y6tp/updateslowly_trying_but_not_going_great/) - Sep 4th 2022 It’s been a minute since I updated, I would say it’s because everything is going great but I would be slightly lying. Things have only mildly gotten better for me since the last update. I have moved even father away from my parents since the last few updates, In part to hopefully try and start a process of trying to cut them off from my life. This has worked a bit, but not enough to actually make me feel any better. They, mostly my mother, have still decided to take time to bother me & showing up at my new place and only giving me a second of a heads up. There is no update concerning the wedding, I have only gotten a invitation though the mail. I’m not going to try & press it anymore, I’m going to go but I will most likely leave after the ceremony & not stay to hang out with anyone. Chad situation has grown only by the fact that over a group chat they decided not to have any kind of gender reveal or even a baby shower, they just announced that they are now having a girl. Don’t want to be an ass but Chads wife stretched the fact that Chad “randomly made her get up and go get a ultrasound to find out the gender”(she acted like she really didn’t want to do it)apparently they went to one of those fancy ultrasound places where you get fancy models of the fetus & high tech ultrasound pics. Chad also announced that he is going to college now…. And asked for a $1,000 loan, which they gave to him. They have always stretched that they will never loan money to ANY of their kids. My stomach turned when they happily gave him the money, but they wouldn’t lend me $20 bucks for school books when I went to college. They refused to help me get into college. I muted the group chat. I also found out that my sister has possibly outed me to mom. I came out when I was in high school as being bisexual with a preference for women, this didn’t go well to be quite honest as my mom pulled “I have a lesbian cousin who is married to a women” followed up by a homophobic story about how her friend “traumatized” her in college by taking her to a gay bar and she got hit on by another female. Not great. My brother fully believes that my love for women is trauma based because of the abuse I faced from our bio father. My heart was broken when all of this came to the surface, knowing they both truly wouldn’t support me, they would only lie to my face about being uncomfortable by my life. I basically promised myself that I would never tell them if I got a female partner, in hopes of saving not only my feelings but my partner’s feelings in the long run. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to think about them looking me in the eyes and believing everything that they told me concerning their feelings about my lifestyle. I fear my sister has told our mom about me dating a female now that I have moved further away from them, something that I never did while in the house living with them. I noticed on my girlfriend Instagram my sister had like one of the pictures of me and my girlfriend. my girlfriend after hearing all of this supports me about not posting pictures of us seeing as she knows that my family follows me on Instagram. my girlfriend has not tagged me in any pictures on Instagram so my sister had been looking through my friend on Instagram. Not even A week after the photo was light I had to see my sister in person for something she started to make awkward comments about my dating life and if I was seeing anyone which I only said maybe and left it at that. Two days later my mom is showing up at my front door with some store-bought cookies asking me if there’s “anything I want to tell her” I brushed her off and didn’t say anything she then left and hasn’t said anything else too me. A few hours later my little brother texts me asking if I had told mom about me dating because she is apparently “going crazy” and about how his dad is just telling her that it’s just a “ trauma response” . I haven’t told anyone about me dating, so clearly someone told her about me dating, especially the fact that they are bringing up that I’m dating a female. I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do at this point, as I am trying my best to cut them off. my girlfriend is telling me not to think about it too much and that we can get through it together. I honestly don’t know where I would be without her at this point because she is the only one keeping me sane throughout this entire transition. This update isn’t anything grand but it is something. I wish I could fully say that my life is getting better but it’s really only getting better at a snails pace. At the moment all I can say is thank you to everyone who has been supporting me throughout all of these updates, everyone’s input has actually made me see how messed up and how wrong my family has been treating me and how I shouldn’t be letting them continue to lead my life and invalidate my feelings. I hope to update after the wedding in a few months. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA For refusing to babysit the golden childs baby after he disowned me for being adopted?

ONGOING

Suspicious-Bite-1632

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15vtoxx/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_the_golden_childs/

15vzjx2

I am NOT OP. Original post on Ask A Manager Trigger warnings: None Mood: Hopeful [https://www.askamanager.org/2023/07/a-thought-experiment-is-causing-a-cold-war-in-my-office.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/07/a-thought-experiment-is-causing-a-cold-war-in-my-office.html) \- July 10, 2023 &#x200B; I work in an office of \~20 people. The majority of us have lunch together in the conference room most days. It’s not organized or mandatory, just a preference for most of us. People drift in and out and sometimes skip if they have errands or out-of-office meetings that day. The only person who consistently does not join in is Carrie. She has a chilly personality, but she’s not rude or outright unfriendly, just keeps to herself for the most part if something isn’t work-related. That’s fine! She attends holiday parties or any outside work event our bosses organize. However, one day a month or so ago, our IT contractor came in to update software, and Carrie did come into the conference room for lunch because the contractor was working at her desk at that time. She was quiet except for greeting everyone, which is normal, until another coworker, Steve, brought up one of his “thought experiments,” which is a common lunchtime bit he does, although not every day. He proposes the questions to the group at large — along the lines of the immortality pill or Mary’s room (concepts I wasn’t familiar with myself until they came up in these conversations). This time, his question was essentially, “If you had to choose between the death of one person you’ve never met or the destruction of all the works of Shakespeare (or another author you prefer), what would your choice be?” Everyone was being flippant for the most part (i.e., “If I save the person, no kid will be forced to read Shakespeare ever again!”) until Carrie chimed in and said, “Shakespeare teaches us more about humanity that saving one life would, so I would save the plays.” This created a very awkward silence and made several people visibly uncomfortable. Personally, I thought it was a theoretical discussion (and was scrolling on my phone anyway) so didn’t take it too seriously. Steve seemed to feel the same at the time and debated with her a bit, but no one else said anything related to it for the rest of lunch and most everyone excused themselves quickly. I thought it was awkward but just one of those things that would blow over. …which it didn’t. People started avoiding Carrie or being very curt with her almost immediately (like, that very afternoon). It’s not really the vibe in our office to email each other since we’re so small, but most everyone started emailing her when normally they would just approach her or speak to her over her cubicle wall. I honestly can’t tell if Carrie even minds the different treatment, but it’s so pointed I have to think she’s noticed. The next day at lunch, Steve expressed relief the IT update was over so Carrie would stay away. Many chimed in with their agreement. Unfortunately, every day at lunch since at least one person will bring up Carrie’s response to the question and how freaked out they were by it and that will prompt a prolonged discussion about the weirdness and how people don’t want to be around her and how she’s always been “off.” I don’t really know what to do! It seems so silly, but people are not backing down on avoiding Carrie or talking about how strange she is, when they never seemed to feel that way before. Our bosses are both about 10 years older than most of us (a couple in their 40s; most staff are late 20s/30s) and I feel like if I bring this up they’ll see the whole thing as childish and gossipy, and particularly judge anyone who brings it up to them. We don’t have HR. For my part, I’ve tried to continue to approach Carrie the same way I did before. She hasn’t complained herself, so maybe I’m just making something out of nothing and she’s fine with the cost of one remark she made! Is there something I should say to my coworkers, or should I just hope they move on soon? &#x200B; Allison's advice has been removed. However, you can still access the link to read it and other comments on the story. &#x200B; &#x200B; Update: [https://www.askamanager.org/2023/07/update-a-thought-experiment-is-causing-a-cold-war-in-my-office.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/07/update-a-thought-experiment-is-causing-a-cold-war-in-my-office.html) \- July 24, 2023 &#x200B; Thank you for answering my question. I want to update you, because even though it was difficult, after reflection I did see your point about previous disinclination toward Carrie before the thought experiment conversation. At first I was very resistant to that idea but I tried to be objective in thinking about it. I’m an introvert myself even though I enjoy group lunches and am friends with several of my coworkers, so I didn’t really think anything of Carrie not being the most sociable person in the office, but I do think it bothered some of my coworkers on some level. When Carrie started about a year ago, several people invited her to join us at lunch or for after-work dinner or drinks, and she always declined. The invitations naturally stopped after a while but there wasn’t much commentary about it. I didn’t think much about it except that Carrie’s personality/work style is more aligned with our bosses’ than anyone else in the office. They are very much “no fuss, lunch at their desks, do the job and leave it there” people. (There is no cause or opportunity for taking work home physically here, and very little overtime, so I mean Carrie is similar to them in terms of not socializing much with coworkers during the workday or after.) After I read your answer, I considered that maybe some people saw Carrie as deliberately trying to emulate that style rather than it just being her personality. Like maybe people saw her as trying to stand out from the crowd and carry herself as more of a manager than a peer? I never saw it that way but this is my best guess as far as why people were so quick to turn on her after the Shakespeare conversation. I have to admit it was hard to read such a harsh view of Steve in the comments, when I know he isn’t the person he may have seemed like from the events stemming from this conversation. I was so upset in part because he was the first to publicly, vocally disparage Carrie for her answer the day after the initial conversation. He is normally a thoughtful, fair, kind person, so it was out of character. I did feel his comment was the catalyst for the discussions at lunch that followed, even if other co-workers had already started to treat Carrie differently without his input. I just want to make it clear that Steve did not encourage anyone to immediately start being cold to Carrie, or indeed at all. He never said anything like that. He is an unofficial leader in our office, so it’s possible he had the bigger obligation to not comment on her answer after the conversation was over, but he isn’t a bully or a “devil’s advocate” guy. I realize I may be coming off as very defensive here but I just feel protective of him after reading the comments. I had spoken to him about this once after his comment the day after the Shakespeare conversation, and told him he seemed okay with Carrie’s response in the moment and it seemed harsh to criticize it after the fact. He immediately said his comment about being glad the IT update was over so Carrie could entertain herself at lunch was meant as a lighthearted joke and was clearly a poor one since I took it badly, and that was on him. The day after I read your response I thought really discussing the situation with Steve would be a good start. We usually walk from the office to our cars together so I asked him if he thought the continued focus on Carrie’s answer to the thought experiment was strange or mean. He said he did think it was weird it kept coming up but that he hadn’t really noticed anyone treating Carrie differently. He is one of only two people in the office besides our bosses that has an office rather than a cubicle, so he hasn’t been physically present for much of the cold shouldering. I told him about the general coldness people have been treating her with and he said that wasn’t okay and if I’d like to address it the next time it came up he’d back me up. The next day when someone inevitably mentioned Carrie, I said “Hey, I actually think Carrie is just kind of quiet and it might’ve been hard for her to join in the discussion. It was hypothetical so she took it that way. It doesn’t have to be a big deal forever.” Steve nodded and said “Jane’s (me) right, and I really don’t want her to be uncomfortable! Let’s knock it off.” I wasn’t happy with the implication that my being uncomfortable was a better reason to stop the behavior than because it was cruel to Carrie, but it was better than nothing. The only pushback was from another coworker who said “Carrie took that WAY too seriously. She could’ve read the room” (a point that has been made ad nauseam in the month since). Steve responded that the discussion could have been serious or not; Carrie’s interpretation was valid. Everyone kind of shrugged and moved on. The only other negative talk I have overheard since are a couple of uses of an extremely stupid nickname a small number of coworkers had started using for Carrie, “the robot.” The first time I heard it after asking the Carrie bashing to stop I just said, “Guys, really?” and things moved on. The next time, one coworker said “Does the robot never check her email? I needed something from her like two hours ago.” I responded, “If you mean \*Carrie\*, why don’t you walk over and just talk to her?” I haven’t heard anything personally since. My relationship with Carrie is the same as it has always been. I do and will continue to try to make a point to stop by her desk now and then to ask how her weekend was or if she’d like something if I’m going on a coffee run. Steve makes a point of leaving his office to approach her in person if he needs something from her (which to be fair isn’t often in his role, but he never changed his approach to her like others did). Yesterday one of our bosses spent about an hour at Carrie’s desk working on something with her and from what I overheard (small office! I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping) it was a very friendly conversation, with the two of them chuckling often and joking a bit about a new and laborious process the new software entails. I think that, more than anything, will help things get back to normal. Thank you again for your thoughtful response.

A “Thought Experiment” is Causing a Cold War in my Office

EXTERNAL

Green7000

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15vzjx2/a_thought_experiment_is_causing_a_cold_war_in_my/

15w0ugd

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ok-Illustrator5619 **My (21M) girlfriends dance teacher is very inappropriate with her (19F).** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!controlling behavior, possible sexual harassment!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15pqd3w/my_21m_girlfriends_dance_teacher_is_very/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) **Aug 13, 2023** This is going to be long I apologize. So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I absolutely love her, she's perfect in every way. We met through a mutual friend. When she turned 18 she applied for a dance school where we live. It's a pretty good school and she's been dancing since she was like 9 or 10. It's ballet if anyone's wondering. She's an amazing dancer really. I was never into ballet before but I love going to her shows. She talks about her teacher nonstop, which has never bothered me before, I'm not the jealous type. UNTIL recently... She texted me last night that she was staying late after school to practice with some of the other dancers. No problem, we don't live together. She actually lives with two other dancers from the school, and I live with my brother. I took a break from studying, and decided to check social media and there was a video posted by one of her roommates/fellow dancer. The video started off with the people recording the video giggling and then it turns to my girlfriend and her teacher, she's stretching and he's running his hand down her leg, I can't make out what he said to my girlfriend but someone in the video said "yeah Sarah" followed by laughter, the video ends with my girlfriend looking at the camera, shaking her head and smiling. I was uncomfortable with how he was touching her. She's a student and he's gotta be like 40ish. I thought, maybe it's just me, so I showed my brother and he made a face that told me it wasn't just me. I didn't text her the rest of the night and ignored her the text she sent me later in the night. We had plans today to hang out today and I casually asked her about the video that was posted. She laughed it off and said it's nothing, I told her it made me uncomfortable. She argued that male dancers are touching her all the time and I've never had a problem with it before. I countered that with this being completely different, and added that her friends were giggling which made it seem like it wasn't as innocent as she's making it out to be. She got upset and we fought a little bit, with her telling me I need to get a handle on my insecurities. I ended up messaging the person who posted that video and asked them if the teacher gets handsy like that with everyone and he replied with "lol no". I texted my girlfriend again and told her we still need to talk about this and she replied saying there wasn't anything left to talk about, that she's not quiting dancing. I told her I don't want her to quit just have someone else train her, she replied with a "no", that's it, that's all she said. I told her this is a hard boundary for me and she hasn't replied. What can I do to make her understand this is inappropriate behavior? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **little-serious-goose** >ok so i’ve taken many dance classes, including ballet. ballet has all these really subtle muscle positions for correct form and so it is not uncommon for instructors to touch dancers. id have to know what kind of stretch/how he was touching her to see if it was appropriate or not **OOP replied** >>I'll be honest I know absolutely nothing about dance, especially ballet and I get teachers/instructors touch dancers but sliding his hand down her leg while her leg is stretched up and having everyone in the video giggling made it seem not so innocent. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15qfqua/update_my_21m_girlfriends_dance_teacher_is_very/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 13, 2023** So we broke up. I went over to talk to her about everything. I told her I did some research on ballet and understand it's normal for teachers/instructors to touch their dancers even if it seems...more intimate then it should. She said shes happy that I'm realizing that what happened was no big deal. I told her it still makes me uncomfortable and asked her what she knows about her instructor. He's definitely not gay (her words) and not married but doesn't know if he's involved with anyone. I got a little upset. I asked her about her friends answer when I asked if he gets that handsy with other dancers. She laughed it off. I asked her if she would sleep with him if she were single and she asked if I really wanted the answer to that question. Which was my answer. I told her I'm super uncomfortable with a man who is clearly attracted to her, who she's attracted to, touching her intimately. She said this is what I signed up for when we started dating and she's not going to stop dancing and not requesting to change instructors. I got upset and said I don't feel like she's respecting me or our relationship and she said I'm the one who isn't being respectful and then said we should take a break. I agreed and then angrily told her I was going to send that video to her school and she said "go ahead, they won't do anything about it". I left her place after that. I'm pissed off and heartbroken. It's not my first relationship and I know it won't be my last but it still sucks. So I'm hitting the club tonight with my brother and my two best friends and I'm gonna put in a face and make it seem like I don't miss her at all. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Whambrain077** >At this point informing the school and future dancers about the creep dance teacher needs to be your priority. They won't so shit unless you post it publicly **OOP replied** >Yeah I get what your saying but I don't have access to the videos anymore, the guy who posted it deleted sometime between the break up and this morning. >I can send a message to the school anonymously but I don't know how much that's going to accomplish. My brother said to let it go, that if I try to cause either one of them trouble then it could have negative consequences for me with them trying to retaliate. So I dunno what to do. * **OOP** >I appreciate your insight, I don't know if that's the word I'm looking for. What's done is done now though. I feel like even if it was all in my head she didn't do anything to ease my concerns. And admitting she'd sleep him if given the opportunity...I dunno, she can do whatever it whoever she wants now I guess **Cautious-Hurry6471** >>Bro what when did she say that. No doubt leave her dude u gotta be trolling **OOP** >>>I mean I asked her if she'd sleep with him if she was single and she said "do you really wanna know the answer to that?", that was enough for me. It's one thing to be attracted to other people but when I'm confronting her about this in particular and I know she'd bang him given the chance, I'm out. >>>And considering she was celebrating being single an hour after the break up and he liked her recent selfie on instagram? **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (21M) girlfriends dance teacher is very inappropriate with her (19F).

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15w0ugd/my_21m_girlfriends_dance_teacher_is_very/

15w0vdw

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Few-Boysenberry-9958 **Wife told me someone else is her soulmate** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Mentions of suicide, depression, possible affair!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15ngl2b/wife_told_me_someone_else_is_her_soulmate/) **Aug 10, 2023** Update: I can't post a link but I made an update in a new post. My wife, Em, met her best friend, Chuck, in high school. They became close friends and Chuck came out to Em as gay. Em was supportive. A year or so later Chuck came out to his parents. They disowned him and kicked him out, and Chuck ended up living with Em and her parents for the rest of high school. Em and I started dating after college and she told me all about Chuck and how close they were and how he was like a brother. I met Chuck and we got along and became friends. Chuck is a good guy. At the time Chuck was dating a guy, they ended up moving in together about the same time that Em and I got engaged. Em and I have been married for 5 years now. I'm a Project Manager and took on a year-long project in another city. I have to leave at 5:30AM every morning and get home around 6:30PM. Em and I had a long talk about my job before I took on this project. We knew it would be a sacrifice for me to be working so much, but I'm getting more money than I ever thought I would. After this project we can pay off our student debt and start trying to have a baby. We both agreed the money was worth it, since it's only a year. That year will be up in late November. In March Chuck caught his boyfriend cheating. He was devastated. Em immediately told him he could move in with us. I was fine with him moving in, but not happy that Em didn't even discuss it with me first. Chuck was pretty broken up and Em was giving him lots of love and attention. I was fine with it, because I know how much she loves Chuck and he did need her. I also did my best to support him and make him feel loved. For a while this was fine, but as time went on Em has continued to pour all of her attention into Chuck. Sometimes I get home from work and neither of them are there, and I found out they went to a movie or out to dinner together. I don't think there is anything romantic or sexual between them, but it has been annoying that I get left out of all the plans. The past few weeks several things have happened. The 3 of us went to a party and someone joked about Chuck being our 3rd wheel and Em said "Chuck is not the 3rd wheel." I said "what?" and she said "I've known Chuck longer than I've known you!"A week or so after that Em and Chuck went out dancing one night. I had to work the next day so I stayed home. I woke up at about 3AM and Em was not in bed. I went and found her and Chuck cuddled up on the couch asleep with the TV on.Both of those things made me uncomfortable. I also realized I had been working so much I was just sort of letting Em and Chuck plan everything, and I had not planned a date night in a while. I decided I needed to be more active and so I planned a date night for last Friday. When I first told Em she was excited, as we have not been on a date just the 2 of us in a while. Friday I got home at 6:30 and Em and Chuck were not there. I took a shower and got ready. About 7:15 I finally called Em, as we had reservations at 8. She answered and when I asked where she was she said her and Chuck had gone shopping and were getting some dinner. I was kind of stunned and asked about our date. She laughed and said "oh I forgot! oh well!" and that was that. She didn't even invite me to join them. So, a point I should make here: my dad was very controlling of my mom and had an anger problem where he would yell and throw things. He never threw things at us, but it was still scary as a kid. I have worked very hard to not be like him. I've tried to never be controlling of Em or tell her what to do. I also tend to shut down when I get angry. When Em forgot our date I was mad so I didn't say anything right then, but I knew I needed to address how I was feeling. So later that evening I told her we needed to talk. I had written down some things so I could stay focused. I started by saying that I loved Chuck and he was always welcome in our home, but that I felt like our marriage was suffering and we needed to work on us. Em blew up. She thought I was attacking Chuck (I guess I didn't word things well) and she started defending him and attacking me. We have never had a big fight before, we always talk and work things out. I was stunned that she was attacking me. She said some awful things. Then she said "Chuck is my soulmate and you just have to get used to that." I just shut down. I didn't even know how to process that. I love Em more than anything in the world, but in that moment I realized she loves Chuck more than she loves me. I thought Em and I were soulmates, but to hear her say she considers someone else her soulmate has been devastating. I don't remember the rest of the talk. She huffed off after a while and slept on the couch. Her and Chuck left together on Saturday and were gone most of the day. When they got back she acting like nothing had happened. On Sunday she even made a small joke and batted her eyes at me, something she does when she's flirting with me. Normally I love it, but this time it just made me sick. I told her this was a busy week at work and I was just going to stay at a hotel near the job site (something I have done a few times before) so I haven't seen her since Sunday night. I don't know what to do. Typing all of this up has made me realize I am really burned out with all of this travel. Maybe I checked out too much and haven't given her enough attention. But how do I move forward knowing she will never love me as much as I love her? Minor update: Seeing a bunch of comments from women who say they have more than one soulmate has given me hope. To me you only have one soulmate, but that's not a word Em or I ever really use and I just really hope she means it different than how I took it. We have been texting back and forth some this week, and we spoke on the phone last night. It wasn't anything big, she just called and said she missed me and couldn't wait until I got home (I'll be home tonight.) I told her we should talk about our fight last Friday and she agreed and said she hates that we fought and we need to work it out. She said she loves me. We will be talking tonight and I guess I'll find out where I stand. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15q7poi/update_wife_told_me_someone_else_is_her_soulmate/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 13, 2023** Recap: My wife, Em, has a gay best friend, Chuck. Chuck's boyfriend broke up with him and he moved in with us. Em has been spending all of her time with Chuck, and when I confronted her about it she said he was her soulmate. I made my first post on Thursday. When I took the time to think about it all and type it all out, I realized how burned out I have been with this work project. Friday morning I met with my team and scheduled some time off coming up soon. I'm in a much better head space just knowing I have that downtime soon. Em and I had our fight on a Friday night, then I left on Monday and stayed out of town all week for my project. During that time we did text back and forth every day and we talked on the phone a few times. It was awkward because we both knew we needed to have a big talk but over the phone was not the time or place. Em texted me this Friday and said Chuck was gone for the weekend so we could spend time just the two of us and that she wanted to make up for our missed date. I got home Friday evening and we agreed to talk before doing anything else. I had written out everything I wanted to say and she sat and listened. We talked for a long time and we each went back to some things to get clarification, so I'm not going to try and replay everything we said, just the main parts in the way that makes the most sense. I told her how I didn't like her joke about me being the third wheel, and how much it hurt that she forgot our date and then how crushed I was that she said Chuck was her soulmate. There were some other little things too. When I was done she said she was sorry and she was wrong for saying those things. She said I am not the third wheel and I am her soulmate, and she asked if she could explain why she did and said what she did. When Chuck's parents first kicked him out in high school he was a in a bad place and had considered taking his life. He told Em's mom and they got him help. So when Chuck called in March about his boyfriend cheating on him, Em had freaked out and was afraid he was going to hurt himself. She said she felt like she needed him close so she could watch him and keep him safe. I had made a comment about how for the past 6 months it seems like her and Chuck were living their best life together, and she said that she has been miserable this whole time, that she has been on the verge of a nervous breakdown. After our fight she knew she was wrong and realized she needed to get help and let it go. She talked with Chuck and he promised that he was a stronger person than he was in high school and promised that he was not even thinking about hurting himself. They agreed it was best if he moved out, both to give Em and I time to work on us and so Em wouldn't be obsessing over when he was coming and going. Em wanted to talk to me last Sunday but I had said I needed time and she wanted to give me space. It was a long talk with lots of tears. She apologized a bunch of times. She said she was so concerned with Chuck's mental health that she attacked me because she thought I was going to make him move out, and she was lashing out. She acknowledged that she hurt me and said she loves me and she wants to work on herself and find ways to deal with fear and worry in a healthy way. We have never really had a big fight before, and we both agreed we could have handled it better: her by not lashing out, and me by not shutting down. We agreed to start couples counseling to help us learn how to disagree in a more healthy way. We were both emotionally drained after the talk so we just ordered some food and stayed in. We cuddled in bed to watch TV, talk, and just be together. We have missed each other a lot these past few months and it was really nice to just hold her. The next day (Saturday) we took a day date. We went to breakfast, went shopping, saw a movie, and even got pedicures together (my toes look AMAZING.) Several times throughout the day she would just stop and look at me and say she had missed me and she was so sorry she had pushed me away. Today (Sunday) we called Chuck, who was staying with another friend. He said he was sorry he had caused so much stress for Em and me. He acknowledge he had been focused on himself and not even realized that we were not doing well. He said he loved us both and is so grateful that we let him stay while he was getting over his breakup. He is looking at a few places and plans to be out in the next week or two. He did offer to move out right away, but I am ok with him staying a little longer. I think having a plan in place is the most important thing. Our relationship took a hit but we love each other and we are going to work on it. We set some boundaries and also agreed to always make each other our top priority. I have a few more months left on this project, but are going to make a point to go on a proper date at least once a week, and reserve some cuddle time on the weekends. Thank you to everyone who replied or sent me a message based on my first post. I got some really good advice. I am hopefully this experience will make us better and make our relationship stronger. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Wife told me someone else is her soulmate

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15w0wk1

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA7313purple **Girlfriend of five years is spending all her time with new partner** **Originally posted to** r/nonmonogamy [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15iligj/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!physical violence, emotional abuse, manipulation and stalking!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!frustrating but vindicating!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/157xijk/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 23, 2023** So I(28M) met my girlfriend(Clara)(29F) about five years ago and we moved in almost four years ago. Our relationship has always been open and we were free to date whoever and after we moved in we set a few rules, mainly a weekly check-in and dedicated private time for the two of us. The first three years were great and last year we started going to sex clubs together and Clara got to finally experience her first MMMF(gangbang) and that is how she met Gary(30+M). They started seeing each other and it quickly became 4-5 nights a week, several being sleepovers. When Clara cancelled one of our nights together I protested and she said she would make it up but never did. On one of our check-ins I said I was feeling my needs were being neglected and she was spending too much time with Gary, it turned into an argument but she finally promised to be more mindful of our relationship. That lasted about two weeks. A few weeks ago I had a company social function we were invited to, I had RSVP and sent Clara a text reminding her, The day before the event she said couldn’t make it due to a band Gary wanted to go see was in town. When she came home the day after, I blew up and said I was tired of taking care of her share of the chores around the house and being treated like a roommate. It got ugly and she ended up leaving and going to Gary’s apartment. She came home early Monday morning before I left for work and said how she was sorry and we needed to work things out. I told her we needed set some new boundaries and schedules she could abide by and we could talk about it tonight. I left and got half way to work when I got a text asking where all her work clothes were at, I replied in the dirty clothes hamper. I told her I washed all my clothes but I wasn’t going to be her efing maid any longer especially if I had been demoted to roommate. When I got home Clara was fixing dinner, I asked her if she wanted to break up and go live with Gary, that I would understand but I needed to know where we stood. She said she wanted us to stay together and not fight anymore. So I said we needed a schedule and at the very least I wanted two nights in a row with her and a Friday date night every week. She agreed that was fair and we made up and had a good couple of days together until she spent the night at Gary’s house and the next day told me that our agreement wasn’t fair because Gary didn’t have a say in it. I told her if we were going to live together then we needed to have an agreement between us, that I wasn’t interested in having an agreement or dating Gary. If she didn’t want to keep the agreement we made then she needed to find a new roommate and she needed to take care of her cat because I was done taking care of her. Clara wants to talk but I feel Gary is calling all the shots and I just need to know where she stands. Is this even salvageable or is it time to just move on? So I know this is going to come up, but I am seeing other people so it’s not like I’m just sitting home feeling sorry for myself when she is gone. But I need to know if I need to look for someone that can fulfill my needs and I can make life plans with. TL:DR Needing to vent and get advise on how to handle my GF of five years downgrading me to roommate status **~OOP UPDATED A FEW TIMES IN THE COMMENTS~** [COMMENT 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/157xijk/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/jt83lez?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) July 24 Well that was good advice but Clara came home from Gary’s and wanted to talk. She gave me a counter proposal that I won’t even waste time typing out. I asked again if we were through and all the plans we had made were just pipe dreams? She still says she loves me and wants to be with me but she has feelings for Gary as well and I should respect that. I said I think she loves having a roommate and that my needs and feelings don’t matter. So I gave her another deal, if we are going to stay together then we have to fix us without Gary’s influence. I told her she had to cut contact with Gary for a week, no calls, no texts, no nothing and then if we get back to where we were she can start to see Gary again, but only twice during the week and no sleepovers. She said there was no way that would work and it was just me being cruel. I reminded her in a few weeks we were supposed to be in a wedding in North Carolina, our friends want both of us in the wedding party as bridesmaid and groomsman. I told her if we didn’t work things out I wasn’t going which meant that she wasn’t going to be able to go either and she could explain to our friends why we were backing out of the wedding, after already being fitted for tux and gowns. She cried foul and said I was just being mean but I didn’t budge and said the choice was hers but it was final. She wanted to go talk to Gary about it and I said you can call him one more time and talk about it but if she went over there it was to stay and when she came back it would be to get all her stuff because I was tired of trying and getting stepped on. She finally agreed and called Gary to tell him, I didn’t listen but I heard her raise her voice a few times. After, I asked her to block him on her phone and all her social media and told her if I found out they had any contact the deal was off and we were done. I know this sounds controlling and vindictive but it’s the only way I know to get back to where we were and if it doesn’t work we both move on. [COMMENT 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/157xijk/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/jt9xugz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 25, 2023** Clara and I had a productive discussion this morning and we have agreed to couple’s counseling this week. She deleted her Snap and What’s app and showed me her phone and said she had nothing to hide and wanted to be transparent. Gary tried to call me several times this morning and finally sent a text wanting to talk with me. I answered his next call and we argued a little, I told him I thought mu first proposal was more than fair and when he shot that down I felt it was time for a different course of action and told him what Clara and I had talked about. I said Clara is free to walk away from the agreement we made at any time and that it was totally up to her. i told him I thought he was out to break us up and if it was up to me I would veto their relationship right now. He made a bunch of stupid remarks to piss me off so I hung up and blocked him. [COMMENT 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/157xijk/girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all_her_time/jthl7lb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 26, 2023** Clara called me today around lunch time, Gary couldn’t stand being cut off and came to her work to ask her to go to lunch and talk. She refused and he got loud and made a scene, she ended up getting security to remove him from the building. He embarrassed her at work and she is livid, she then had to answer a lot of personal questions to her boss about who he was and more questions about us. When she got home she wanted to call and talk to him, I said that was a bad idea and she said there were things she needed to tell him and said she would do it on speaker so I could hear. So I listened as she called him, she told him coming to her work and embarrassing her was unacceptable. That she needed space to work on our relationship that she had neglected and that now she needed at least two weeks with no contact before they could see each other. He kept trying to talk over her but she shut him down told him if he couldn’t respect her wishes then maybe I was right and she would cut him off permanently, then she hung up the phone. She got off and broke down telling me about the fallout from work, Her boss is making her pay for a window Gary broke as Security was escorting him out and gave her a verbal warning and said if it happened again she would get a letter in her file. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **DaDodsworth** >Honestly hope this is the end of Gary for the both of you. Massive red flags to show up at Clara's work like this. Also wtf is with Clara's boss giving her a verbal warning over a potential abuser coming to her workplace unannounced. **OOP replied** Clara is still extremely agitated about the incident but I don’t know that he is completely done just yet. Let’s just say that That Clara may have taken off her rose colored glasses. It’s been really hard not to pile on and say I told you so or make other disparaging comments about him. Her co-worker said her boss felt like her co-workers and the potential clients that were in the lobby were put at risk and the whole thing was grossly unprofessional. They went from arguing to yelling and when Gary got physical Clara had to get the security guard to escort him off the premises. The subject matter and details that Gary was yelling at the top of his lungs was evidently a bit too scandalous seeing as I had attended many company functions as her plus one and was considered her other half. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/15d0183/update_girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending_all/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 29, 2023** So a quick recap, Clara, my girlfriend, started dating Gary and was spending almost all her time with him until I threaten to leave and made her block him for a week so we could work on our relationship. He couldn't stand it and showed up at Clara's work and caused a scene because she would go talk with him at lunch and had to be forcibly removed from her workplace. Friday night we had a double date with another couple, dinner followed by one of our favorite bands at a club downtown. Dinner was great and we had a good table reserved at the club, as I'm coming back from the men's room I see Gary who has spotted Clara and making a beeline for her. I got to the table first and told Clara we needed to leave, Gary told Clara he needed to talk to her and I said something like in a week maybe and then he sucker punched me. I got up off the floor and just looked at him and he hit me again, by that time the bouncers had him and were walking him to the door. By the time I got to the door, the cops had him and asked if I wanted to press charges and I said absolutely. I took a selfie to preserve the moment, he bloodied me up pretty good. Needless to say, we didn't stay for the show, Clara drove us home and on the way asked if I was really going the press charges and if maybe it would be better if we just let it go. I said no I was assaulted and he wasn't going to get away with that, by the time we got home my face was swollen and changing colors and when Clara saw my face she just cried. She cleaned me up and got a couple of ice packs for the swelling. She called Gary, which went to voicemail obviously, but she told him off and said he had gone too far and she never wanted to hear from him again, then added we were filling a VPO asap. This morning we talked, mainly about ways to keep this from getting out of hand again. She set some new boundaries for herself and a limit on how long she could spend with a new partner. She set some pretty tight parameters that I won't hold her to because they're not realistic. We have both said some hurtful things in the last few weeks that left some deep wounds but I think we can get past it. If we get back to where we were I'm thinking about asking her to marry me, I know she wants it and thinks it will bind us closer together. But there is some trust that needs to be rebuilt first. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **throwaway2255001** >Honestly I said it in another post. Clara asking you to not press charges would be the final nail in the coffin. If ever a partner said that to me, especially after what specifically had happened to you.. that would be it. >Honestly you ok man? Maybe you should reevaluate your relationship. Really is not cool and I get the sense you are trying to rug sweep the severity of her actions. **OOP replied** >>"Clara asking you to not press charges would be the final nail in the coffin. If ever a partner said that to me, especially after what specifically had happened to you.. that would be it." >The bar was dark and she never got a good look at my face until we got home, by then it had started to swell and turn colors. I don't think she thought I got hurt that bad and when she realized it she did a 180 and unloaded on him, even if it was a voicemail. At first, she said she thought filing charges would make things worse and later she was all for it. ##**NEW UPDATE** * [Final update](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/15q7r7z/final_update_girlfriend_of_five_years_is_spending/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 13, 2023** So briefly, Clara, my girlfriend had been spending most of her time with Gary and I had been demoted to roommate for all intents and purposes. I put my foot down and said we needed to close temporarily and refocus or just part ways. Clara had no idea I was hurting this bad and cut Gary off rather than break up with me. Gary didn't take it well and confronted her at her place of work and ended up assaulting me at a club while out with Clara. If you need more details they are in the previous posts. Gary I filed assault charges against Gary. After the depositions, the ADA filed a felony assault charge against him and had a judge issue a Victim Protective Order for me and Clara. I received a letter from Gary's lawyer with an apology and a plea for dropping the assault charge because it would trigger action from a deferred sentence he had in another case. I spoke with the ADA and reaffirmed my resolve in the case. Last Thursday, Gary entered into a plea deal, pleaded no contest, and received a 6-month jail sentence vs the 3-5 years he could have received, and 3 years probation. The judge also issued a restraining order barring any contact between Gary and either of us for five years after he gets out of jail. Clara She has been to her personal therapist four times in the last two weeks and is going once every other week going forward. We just had our second couple's counseling Friday. I don't know all the details from her IC but we have a structured check-in conversation every week now. She has had two panic attacks that her therapist has said were triggered by guilt and self-shaming and she is working on that. She has closed her side of the relationship for the near future and said when she feels ready it will be only kink and couple events where we play together. After missing the numerous red flags with Gary, she has zero self-confidence in her ability to recognize the warning flags when getting into a relationship. And she had a list of boundaries if she ever decides to date solo again that even our Couple's therapist found a bit over the top, here are the highlights; • 0-3 months 6-hour date max. 12 PM curfew once a week max • 3-9 months 10-hour date max. 1 AM curfew No overnights once a week and only one weekend day a month On a positive note, she is eating better and trying to go 2-3 days to the gym before she goes to work and wants to get an exercise bike for the house. Me I ended up canceling a date with my other partner and due to scheduling conflicts, we won't see each other till after Labor Day. So I have plenty of time to devote to mending fences. Our couple's therapist said we both had blame in our "Crises" mainly in our communication skills. She was particularly hard on Clara at the beginning when Clara told her side of the story. I have put most of it behind me but I know going forward I will doubt Clara's judgment on some things. The subject of our future plans came up and marriage came up but our therapist said not to rush or think of it as a solution to our problems. Last year, before everything blew up, my Mom gave me my great-grandmother's wedding ring set, being the first and favorite grandchild she left her engagement/wedding ring set and my great-grandfather's wedding ring to me. And last year I was thinking about proposing and had all the rings resized in case the right moment presented itself. The jeweler that did the work gave me an appraisal and suggested I insure it and I had it added to my homeowner policy. My insurance agent is also friends with my sister and let it slip and my sister now wants the rings for her upcoming wedding this fall. So my sister said something to Clara, who after some snooping found the rings. My sister is mad but my Mom told her to suck it up. Clara admitted to finding the rings and trying them on and has been all doe-eyed whenever the subject gets brought up. For now, no one is getting the rings and I have moved them to another secure location. But now everybody knows what they appraised for, 43K. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **JaccoW** >I would have a serious talk with your insurance agent or their boss. >That is not information they should be sharing, let alone with family of the client. People have been murdered by family for less. Not that I'm saying your sister is going to call a hit on you, but that was a serious breach of privacy. **OOP replied** >The agent in question and I have already had words about this but I'm not looking to jam her up over this. My sister was already aware of the ring, just not its value. They are best friends and she was just commenting on how beautiful the ring was since I had to submit photos and bring the ring in to add it to the policy. And I guess when my sister asked how much it appraised for her friend let it slip. >My sister has become Bridezilla with her wedding only a couple of months away and she will move on to a new drama issue soon enough. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Girlfriend of five years is spending all her time with new partner

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