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y5mxlj | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-16T17:45:05 | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | CONCLUDED | AshamedStrawberry777 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5mxlj/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | false | false | [
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y5np3s | **I am NOT OP. Originally post by u/THROWAWAYSTABBEDMIL in r/JUSTNOMIL**
[**Link to Part 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5mrii/mil_just_stabbed_me_and_somehow_im_the_asshole/?)
trigger warnings: >!violence, threats of kidnapping, cheating, threats of suicide!<
mood spoilers: >!Inconclusive. The account was last active 4 years ago, so it is unlikely to see further updates.!<
**Acronyms:**
MIL: Mother-in-Law
LO: Little One
SFIL: Step Father-in-Law
DH: Dear Husband
CIL: Cousin-in-Law
Stabra: Nickname for MIL
>!STBX: Soon To Be Ex!<
I fixed a few points of punctuation and capitalizations for acronyms. The rest are the OOP’s words.
---
&nbsp;
[**Stabra is Out**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7ad1fx/stabra_is_out/) - 4 YEARS AGO
Stabra is out, I’m assuming SFIL paid it off, and has contacted my lawyer via email. I wish I could transcribe the whole thing because holy hell.
Shortened and rephrased version because it was five paragraphs of rambling and has too much identifying info and many areas that made no sense:
“Lawyer,
I am Stabra, throwawaystabbedmil’s mother-in-law. I understand she has sent a cease-and-desist letter through your office and will not be contacting her but would like you to relay a message for me if at all possible and within legal bounds. I was informed my husband contacted throwawaystabbedmil about my legal run in and would like to inform her it will not happen again. He was not acting on my behalf and I never asked him to press her for money. I apologize for his behavior.
Also, we will not be pursuing legally mandated visitation with LO at this time, many threats were thrown around while I was angry about the situation and I revoke them now. I do however feel it is best for LO to know both his mother and father’s family, and as such I am asking to be considered in any future custody arrangements with STBX. Should STBX be cleared of his case on (date coming up soon), he does not plan to make your throwawaystabbedmil’s life harder than it needs to be and wishes for this to all place favorably for all involved and fully benefit LO. STBX would like to revoke his claim that he wants little contact with LO and would like to offer a 50/50 split, with me having little involvement but not fully banished from LO’s life as he will need childcare during STBX’s working hours and daycare may not be suitable for a child going through divorce.
Let us know if throwaway accepts the offers and tell her I am open to keeping LO anytime.
Thanks, Stabra”
So, she didn’t go through her lawyer like the C&D asked her to. She also tried to speak for my STBX who’s lawyer claims he does not want LO, as of this morning. So, whatever. Keep talking, Stabra
&nbsp;
[**An Update on Stabra and Ex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7cycff/an_update_on_stabra_and_ex/) - 4 YEARS AGO
Ex's court date happened. My mother, Aunt, Stabra, and I were all required to appear as witnesses. We all told the same story, the truth, that ex forced his way in. Stabra claimed she could not see if he did or did not but based upon the state of the house when she entered to get LO's things, she knew he did something stupid but hoped it wasn't too bad and they'd just be able to leave without the cops. My mom rolled her eyes and gave me the look when she said that. The prosecutor asked Stabra why she decided to just start gathering LO's things and not see if everyone was okay, to which she responded that she did not want to be involved and was just panicking because she saw some things knocked over and heard yelling. She just wanted to get LO and get out. She also basically admitted, under oath, that she planned on grabbing LO and leaving, with or without Ex. Ex's lawyer tried to paint me as the aggressor because I shoved him away from the room where my mom had LO but the judge didn't buy it and asked him what I should have done given my Ex was kicking the door and had knocked over my aunt, hurting her.
In general, the lawyer did a piss poor job. He tried to point fingers at literally everyone else even though ex's own statements admit it was his fault. Ex said very little and apologized to us all. Nothing was resolved at the court date and there is another one set for several months from now but Ex's lawyer did express that he was going to try to get the date moved up. General idea is that he could face 1-5 years right now, likely on the lower end or even potentially walk free.
Stabra approached us as we were leaving the court date. I was simmering because I really wanted a definitive verdict (unrealistic, I know) and her statements pissed me off. She walked up to my mom, bypassing me but also blocking me from getting into the car, and started playing 20 questions about LO. Mom didn't take the bait, told her to mind her own family and stay the hell out of ours, then hopped in my passenger seat. I got my aunt into the backseat and walked around, Stabra asked me a dumb question about who's car I'm driving. I am officially my aunt's tenant so I have stability and wanted to erase all ties to Ex so I got a new-to-me used car for cheap from a friend. I ignored her and walked around to the front to get in. She walked quickly around and stood in front of the door so I couldn't open it and asked again who's car I'm driving. I said its mine, she asked how and I told her to leave me alone. She didn't move, my mom hopped out and waved down an officer. She saw the cop and left.
She later emailed my lawyer asking for a copy of my current expenses so she can have it on record for Ex for child support reasons. My lawyer declined but said she asked for my car price, rent, bills, estimated money spent on food/clothes/school/work for LO and myself, and a couple other things. We filed it in the stack of weird we have as evidence she's bonkers.
Since then, it’s been radio silence. Not a peep. Hopefully it stays that way. Sorry if this is vague and disjointed, I'll post a more detailed account once all of this is over but my sister said I should at least update you guys so you know we're all okay.
LO is doing really well. He's going to a Montessori school set up per his therapist's recommendation and it’s really helping. He brings me little trinkets and crafts and is really loving it all. My aunt also got him a mini trampoline for the house so he's pretty spoiled again already.
Thank you guys for listening.
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[**Stabra Had a Public Meltdown**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7eufq9/stabra_had_a_public_meltdown/) - 4 YEARS AGO
I did not think I'd be back so soon but I thought you guys would want to hear about this morning. My mom is so pissed that she almost drove to Stabra's house.
My mom decided to do a big Thanksgiving party at my Aunt's house and invite everyone to see LO since we hadn't attended one of my family's events in a few years (Stabra hogged holidays). Mom officially transferred from her office site to one closer to Aunt's house so that she can see LO more/help with him (she could not come to our house often due to Stabra so when she got a transfer opportunity, she took it. This is a whole other story I'll have to post one day) earlier this month so we planned to have a few of her new work friends come by too. Aunt is still experiencing some hip and back pains so she and mom stayed home and sent me to the store to grab some things this morning since we were super unprepared for that many guests. Mom offered to keep LO but he begged to go with me to "just look" (i.e. me buy more ornaments and musical stuff because he's a Christmas fiend) at the Christmas decorations so I brought him along.
We got all of our items and headed down the Christmas aisle, LO was riding in the grocery area of the cart because the store was packed with people and I didn't feel great about letting him walk in the literal shoulder to shoulder crowds. He picked an ornament near the top of the shelf so I looked for someone to get it down (too short for that shit). I had my back turned for less than two minutes when I heard LO shriek, "Stabra!" and start trying to climb out of the cart. I grabbed him and started to ditch the cart and walk away but she had already noticed us and came running up, as fast as her ham shaped legs could take her.
Because I'm extra bitchy right now, let me paint a picture of Stabra before we continue: Imagine a discarded tampon and you're pretty close. She was wearing a red, flowy, long dress with a handkerchief hemline and white granny sandals with a long silver, sparkly cardigan that almost touched the floor. Her hair is white blonde and cut like a mushroom cap around her face. She is short and plump, tomato-esque in that moment if you will. A tampon tomato.
So, she comes running up and holds her arms out to LO, who, being a now four-year-old, reaches back. I pulled him back and told her to get away from us, she tried to reach around me to talk to LO, going on about her biiiiig Thanksgiving tomorrow with "turkey presents" (she bought LO presents for fucking Thanksgiving and said the turkey from dinner left them before being cooked). LO asked if we could go and I said no, to which he whined. I repeated that Stabra needed to leave us alone NOW and that I was grabbing my cart and going. Stabra threw the things in her arms into my cart and squared up like she was going to swing at me. I yanked my cart back and turned to leave and this fucking lunatic bellows "YOU STUPID BITCH". The entire area went silent and I froze in my tracks because holy shit.
Stabra kept screaming, yelling that I couldn't take LO from the only family he's ever known and that I ruined all holidays for him forever. I stood there like an idiot deer in headlights through all of it. Everyone was staring and I had no clue what to fucking do.
Stabra screamed at LO that she was sorry he was caught in "mommy's games". He was crying already so I yanked him away the area and started walking away, shaking like a leaf, and she screamed after us, "LO! LO! LO! COME HERE SWEETIE, NANA's SORRY! LO! LOOK! LO!", trying to get his attention but his face was buried in my neck. A manager came out and asked what was going on, I explained and he made Stabra leave the store then personally checked us out and escorted us to the car. Stabra was sitting in the lot and made an obvious effort to record us or take photos with her phone. When I was leaving, the manager had walked over to her car, as I had pointed her out, and was chewing her out. She was screeching and flapping her hands around everywhere like an asshole.
I cried when I got home and it spooked LO pretty badly because now, he's clinging to my side. He's sleeping on my legs as I type this and every time I try to get up he wakes up and sobs, so I'm stuck here for a while. We're going to try to go see his doctor as soon as the long holiday is over and hoping this doesn't mess up any progress we've made.
As for ex, he officially changed his plea to guilty. We're waiting to see what that means because my lawyer said it could go several different ways but that he will likely get a lesser sentence but we can start divorce proceedings sooner this way.
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[**Stabra Texted My Sister**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7f8xl2/stabra_texted_my_sister/) - 4 YEARS AGO
She apologized for the outburst at the store and said that she was just so upset seeing LO reach for her and me pulling him away that she lost her cool. She suggested I shop at an alternative store to avoid such a situation again.
She also said that she is concerned about me possibly leaving state with LO and requested my sister send her a photo every week of LO with a date stamp or she’d be sending for an amber alert for kidnapping before custody was sorted (not how that works but okay). She said her lawyer requested it from my lawyer too. My lawyer said that he did receive an email from her lawyer and is following up to check if it is actually from the lawyer. If not, he will try to convince the other lawyer to report it and will suggest I file for harassment charges.
She went on to say she is just so concerned about my mental health because I’m “dealing with a lot” and that she herself “feels crazy sometimes” (no shit).
I’m shaking. She could have dropped it after screaming at me in a crowded store but she kept going. If it is fake, I will be calling the police. I may try even if it isn’t, my lawyer doesn’t think it’ll go anywhere but it may give us documentation that it happens.
Edit: while writing this, lawyer called and said that the other lawyer did not send the email and “does not have a client under that name”. He believes the lawyer dropped Stabra after the shit she pulled a bit ago. Police asked I come to the station to file a report, Sis is emailing me screenshots and trying to get out of work to drive down. Will update after going to the police station.
Also, the whole text had a thanksgiving theme. Sis told me she blocked her but she didn’t and has been screenshotting texts as they come, there have been five minor “hello how is LO” texts before this that she didn’t mention to me. She now knows to tell me about this shit.
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[**Update to My Last Stabra Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7fw2zn/update_to_my_last_stabra_post/) - 4 YEARS AGO
So, big news first: we have been granted what is essentially a temporary, emergency restraining order until we go to court in a few days. They're really rushing us through at this point because of the events at the police station and immediately after. Also, sorry for not updating sooner, I know I promised to post right after the meeting but I needed some time to take everything in.
My mother and I waited at the police station for over an hour and a half before we got to talk to someone because our case was not a priority amid some other things that were happening (justifiable, lots of crazy shit was going down according to local new sites during that time frame). We went back and were taken to the chief of police's office and he was not exactly happy to see us. I showed him the messages and informed him that we had a sent C&D that she was choosing to ignore. I showed him documentation and explained she was impersonating a lawyer to harass us, which in my state is a crime. He waved us off, dismissing it as a civil matter until I said that, so thank you to whoever pointed out that it is in fact illegal to impersonate a bar registered person.
He looked through our literal stack of papers showing harassment and said he would be sending a car out to tell her to not contact me again and that doing so would be considered harassment which is a punishable offense. He said he would not arrest her for harassing me right then but would be keeping copies of the information on the falsified lawyer letters in case the actual lawyer comes forward and that I was welcome to go file for a restraining order but he did not believe I would get one. He took down my information and sent me on my way, assuring me that one more contact from her would have consequences.
The details here are blurry, I got them second hand from a few angry relatives of Stabra's who messaged me after the fact to tell me what a shitty person I am.
The cops visited Stabra's house later in the evening because of the crazy shit happening. Stabra claimed, at first, to have no knowledge of the texts to my sister and showed her phone, from which she'd simply deleted them. She'd also conveniently been with her sister all day, who said she could not have possibly sent or deleted any texts due to her being there. The officer informed them he had evidence otherwise and Stabra stuck to her guns, the officer told her to cut the shit and left.
Sometime later, an intoxicated Stabra began making threats against her own life. She said she'd kill herself if she did not know LO was safe before bedtime and that her entire life had fallen apart so there was no point in trying to survive anymore without Ex, SFIL, and LO around. Her sister, who was also intoxicated, "stayed there all night" (i.e. filled Stabra's head with more shit because she's even worse) to "make sure Stabra was okay" (lol not what she's ever done. She hypes up people before confrontations for fun). After midnight, Stabra called what she believed to be my mother's phone number and got no answer. The number was actually misdialed, but our apparent refusal to answer a call we never received from someone we have legally pursued no contact with sent her over the edge. Stabra locked herself in a bathroom and informed her sister she was taking her own life. Stabra has done this before, usually the person outside will bang on the door and plead with her, coaxing her out and making her feel better. I've done this, ex has done this, my own fucking mother who does not even like her has done this. Stabra's sister did not. She called 911.
I don't know what happened after that but Stabra has been put on a 24 hour hold with the potential for a longer stay, she ended up being released to the care of the absent until now SFIL with instructions to stay away from us. I cannot go into more details at this time, but we were told to file for a restraining order first thing Monday morning and we did, I've been typing since we left. As of right now we have a sort of emergency protection against her and it will likely become an order covering myself and LO for one year, at which point it will be reapproved or denied. My lawyer believes we have a good case for reapproval because she is proving her instability. Stabra is not allowed near us and if she breaches this order, she will be arrested.
We requested the tapes from the grocery store, by the way, but were informed they were not available. My lawyer is pressing as to why, as it would be a great help in our overall plan: if ex gets any visitation, he may not bring LO near Stabra at all due to her explosive temper. We are looking to make LO's order hopefully extend until he is 18 because after the details I've learned this weekend, I fully believe she would kidnap my child. She genuinely believes I'm evil incarnate sent to destroy her family. I'll explain it all once the court case is over if I'm allowed, for now I'll just be sharing old Stabra stories though.
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[**A Holiday Stabra Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7mw3z6/a_holiday_stabra_update/) - 4 YEARS AGO
First off, Happy Holidays. LO and I had a great Christmas with only a couple of hiccups.
Ex was released from jail. More or less, he got time served with mandatory counselling (purposely leaving out anything identifiable here and will not be answering questions about the court date). He did not reach out on Christmas at all and we did get word that he is still attempting to give up his rights to him. I have no clue where he is staying and do not care. The divorce is moving along from here on.
Stabra ended up getting herself arrested on Tuesday. We got our restraining order pushed through against her based on her actions a month ago. We also found out that she had, essentially, threatened my life and my mother's while having her meltdown directly to police officers.
Tuesday, the day after Christmas, mom and I decided to run to the mall to make a couple of exchanges. We did not see anyone there at all that we knew, just popped in and out while LO stayed home with my sister. When we got home, sister and LO had gone to get lunch. On the porch were several gift boxes. They were all blank tagged but listed for LO by name in a handwriting I did not recognize. I opened them because I'm paranoid and inside one was a note in the same handwriting detailing how much the gifter loves LO and how sweet and precious he is and that if he ever needs anything he knows where to go. It was signed from Stabra but not in her handwriting. I called the police and immediately checked the cameras we installed after the last blow up. Stabra's sister was clearly visible placing the boxes. The police confronted her and she admitted to doing it for Stabra because the restraining order prevented her from giving the gifts but not having them delivered. The officers explained that whatever Stabra had told her was bullshit and that she was acting illegally.
Stabra first played dumb then eventually admitted to having the gifts delivered, breaking down in tears and begging to speak to me. I refused, she was arrested and almost immediately bailed out. So, that's where we're at.
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[**Stabra Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7s5w7u/stabra_update/) - 4 YEARS AGO
It has been a bit, so I thought I’d update.
You guys were right, Stabra was following me. She ended up getting herself arrested again and spent five nights in jail before being released. She’s apparently been doing it on and off since the breakup, just “keeping tabs”.
The divorce is moving along. Ex has agreed to all of my terms so it’s just a matter of going to court and getting it all settled. He disclosed that he’d been cheating on me for quite some time with a work friend and that he wishes my blessing to be with her; I agreed because I’m over it. It did sting but it’s over and done. He also still does not want to see LO.
After ex said he was moving with his girlfriend, I went on a date. A longtime friend invited me to dinner and drinks and, after some pressure from my mom, I went.
After dinner, we walked to a corner bar and had a couple of drinks then he walked me back to the parking garage and to my car. When we got there, he kissed me on the cheek and said good night and we agreed to go out again later that week or grab lunch. After he left the level, I started to back out and saw Stabra running at my car, red faced.
She started hammering on my passenger window and screaming. I called the cops and she didn’t leave, just kept screaming about how she’s “got me now” and started kicking my door. The cops rolled up and she started shrieking about how adultery is illegal in our area and demanded they arrest me. Instead, she got arrested. She consented to a search of her car because she smelled of alcohol, in which they found a notepad with notes listing what they believe to be my work hours and an outline of LO’s school schedule (recess/lunch/whatever, basically whenever he’s outside during the day).
Stabra basically openly admitted that she planned to snatch LO while she was screaming at me, saying I’m a bad mother and that she’s “going to make sure he’s growing up right”. We are pushing for her to be held for psychiatric help because this level of crazy is out of character for her.
I reached out to ex about her actions and he just responded “keep me out of it”.
Other than that, it’s quiet. I’m fucking paranoid now and scared and have no clue where she is or what she’s doing. LO has been pulled from school and my aunt is working to get everything set to homeschool him. It’s such a shitshow and any advice is really fucking welcome.
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**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 4,574 | 2022-10-16T18:15:39 | MIL Just Stabbed Me and Somehow I'm the Asshole (Part 2 of 2) | INCONCLUSIVE | freckled_giraffe | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5np3s/mil_just_stabbed_me_and_somehow_im_the_asshole/ | false | false | [
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y5pyzi | [deleted] | 2,116 | 2022-10-16T19:47:35 | OOP's Husband asks for a threesome with a coworker, OOP immediately wants a divorce but they still go through with it | INCONCLUSIVE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5pyzi/oops_husband_asks_for_a_threesome_with_a_coworker/ | false | false | [
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y5tffi | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Alex_93 in r/legaladvice**
*This was previously posted here a year ago.*
---
&nbsp;
[**If a police officer stops you for no reason do you have to acknowledge him?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/156ey3/if_a_police_officer_stops_you_for_no_reason_do/) - 20 December 2012
I was out on my usual timed 4 mile run when I saw bright cop lights from the end of the street I was on, .7 mi away. As I got closer I saw that there were 3 cops, all with their lights strobing. (The cops lights in my city are exceptionally well lit and hurt my eyes every time i see them)
I turn at the street corner continuing down my normal route as I call across the road to them (This is at 11:30 at night) "Those lights are disturbing people you know" and a couple of seconds later "So turn 'em off maybe?" One officer yelled to me "Quit yelling" and I just continued on my way. A couple of blocks down the road an officer rolls up and shines his spot light on me.
He opens his door and I said to him "I haven't done anything wrong, I haven't broken any laws, I don't have to stop" and continued my jog. (I had been running for over 2 miles non-stop, not going to quit now) For some reason the officer got out to pursue me on foot, after about 20 yds or so I stopped.
He caught up, grabbed me and put me in handcuffs, saying "You're going to jail." I was charged with Evading Arrest and spent the night in jail (wtf). Did I actually "evade arrest" or am I not at fault here?
The bond costed $1000, of which I had to pay $165 to go home the next day. Is there a way I can make all of this go away (I really don't want evading arrest on my record) and get a refund for the cost of the bond?
**Update:** It has been 16 days since my arrest and still no court date. The lawyers seem to be too expensive for me and not as confident as I would hope. I think I'm going to apply for indigent counsel. Thoughts?
**Update 2:** I was arrested December 21. It is now February 7. I still have no court date.
&nbsp;
[**Arrested on a jog for Evading arrest. (Cont.) Police Report in.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/183gqo/arrested_on_a_jog_for_evading_arrest_cont_police/) - 7 February 2013
Diagram of Encounter:
Running up to the corner, I see 3 cops parked perpendicular to the street I was on. (Next to the curb on the street I was turning on ((still across the street))) The officers were not in the house, but out at their cars, I dont remember seeing any suspects, though there could have been a few.
[House]
[BPDcar] [Officers] [BPDcar] [BPDcar]
______________________"stop yelling"(comment 3) __________
street
__comment1___>_____My path_______________comment2>
|
|
Here is the newly acquired police report. On the reported date and time, Officer Garrett-391 responded to the 900 blk of SW Hillside. Dr. at the request of Officer Pilgrim-384. Officer Pilgrim-384 was conducting an investigation in the 700 blk of SW Hillside and he advised a w/m wearing sweat pants and glasses ran through their investigation and yelled at them. The w/m was advised to stop disturbing the peace and move along at which he yelled at them again before running off.
Officer Pilgrim-384 requested Officer Garrett-391 stop the subject and identify him. The w/m was located in the 900 blk of SW Hillside. Dr. Officer Garrett-391 positioned his patrol vehicle infront of the w/m and placed the spotlight on him. The officer then exited the patrol vehicle and said, "Police. Stop." The subject said "no." and kept running. Officer Garrett-391 chased after the suspect on foot for approximately 30 yards before catching him.
While running, the officer gave commands for the suspect to "stop" approximately four more times. Each time a command was given, the w/m acknowledged with some statement about how he did not have to because he had not broken a law. The w/m refused to give the officer his name and birthday until they were at the Burleson Jail. At that point he was identified as Alex. (OP)
Useful Information:
Florida v. Royer, 460 U.S. 491 (1983).
The person approached, however, need not answer any questions put to him; indeed, he may decline to listen to the questions at all and may go on his way. He may not be detained even momentarily without reasonable, objective grounds for doing so; and his refusal to listen or answer does not, without more, furnish those grounds.
&nbsp;
[**Arrested on a jog for Evading. (Final Report)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/1980f3/arrested_on_a_jog_for_evading_final_report/) - 25 February 2013
I went to court this morning with my lawyer, my case was dismissed with hardly a glance at it. Everything went great! Thanks for all of the advice and motivating words! If I ever need help again, I know where to come! :)
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 9,019 | 2022-10-16T22:09:43 | If a police officer stops you for no reason do you have to acknowledge him? | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5tffi/if_a_police_officer_stops_you_for_no_reason_do/ | false | false | [
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y5u677 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-16T22:42:01 | AITA for telling my mom and stepdad the real reason I was upset? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5u677/aita_for_telling_my_mom_and_stepdad_the_real/ | false | false | [
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y5u7gc |
**I am not OP**
Posted by u/SoftMelodic210 on r/AmItheAsshole
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9185z/aita_for_telling_my_mom_and_stepdad_the_real/) _- October 16, 2021_
I am a teenage girl and was born when my mom was 18. I see my dad like 3 days a year at Christmas. My dad doesn't want me as much as he wants his other kids but I try not take it personally.
My stepdad (been in my life since I've been 5) is really nice to me, but I don't think he would care if I didn't exist, but he makes my mom and little brother (my mom's and stepdad's bio kid) so happy and does a lot for me, and for that, he means everything to me.
My mom's pregnant again and this time I get a little sister!! I'm just a little nervous, but my stepdad hasn't said anything about having his "first" daughter, so I really do appreciate him being sensitive to me, even though I don't think he considers me to be his daughter.
My mom is excited for another daughter too, and has been shopping for clothes and been putting together a nursery with me, because I am really good at art and am painting a mural for my sister.
She keeps saying things to me like "I am so grateful to be able to give all this to the baby that I wasn't able to give you" and that she is blessed that she doesn't have to do it alone, and that she's really excited to see my stepdad be a dad again.
I know I am being selfish so please don't think low of me because Ofc I want my mom to be happy, but when she says things like this, I feel like I am worth less and that I am burden. And then I feel bad for feeling bad because I want my mom to have a good life, and she at least stuck around because she could have left me like my dad did.
Painting is really therapeutic to me so I've been hiding away painting the nursery. At dinner today, my mom asked me why I've been so quiet and I told her about my feelings, and she got sad and my stepdad had to comfort her. I told her that I love her and was so grateful that she is my mom and for all that she's done for me, but she was still upset. I feel like the asshole because I knew she would get sad when I told her my feelings but told her anyways. I think that hurting someone's feelings on purpose is the worst thing you can do, but I know its important to be honest so I am really conflicted. Can you guys tell me, and if I am being one, I will make my mom and stepdad breakfast in bed to make it up to them and finish the nursery at night to surprise them.
edit: oops typo...been in my life since I've been 4 years old, not 5
&nbsp;
**Update 1** _- 5 hours later_
I went to talk to my mom but she was sleeping. My stepdad asked to talk to me. He said he never wanted to put this on me but it was the time. He told me that he loved me and that I am his daughter no questions asked. He said he didn't want to talk to me about being my dad because he didn't want to bring up bad feelings for me about my real dad. he wants to adopt me but didn't want to pressure me and if he did my bio dad would have to sign away his rights. he was worried that my bio dad would 1. not put up a fight and that it would hurt me or 2. fight but still not want to see me more and hurt me so he was avoiding the topic. I said i want him to be my real dad and that I want his last name. He said we will see what we can do and if it doesn't work we can try and hyphenate, and I can still use his last name as mine on my jerseys and stuff for soccer, and that as soon as turned 18 we would change it. He told me he would take care of me forever and that he is so proud of me and that I have never been/never will be a burden. he said I don't need to be so nice all the time and if Im an evil teenage girl he'd still love me as much as he does now. He also told me that he never wants me to feel pressurized to babysit because even though they are young parents to me, they are still my parents and its their job to raise us all.
&nbsp;
**Final Update** _- October 17, 2021_
I talked to my mom this morning and she said she wasn’t mad at me and just mad at herself. She told me she wishes she could have given me more and I told her that she gave me more time with her and that was enough for me. she said she had no idea how to he a mom when I was born and doesn’t know how i turned out to be so good but she is happy. She told me that i better be selfish today because she wants to go shopping and buy me lots of things. She said I have never been a burden and that I’m the best that happened to her. She said I should go to therapy because being a people pleaser is bad
also my mom and dad called my bio dad this morning and he agreed to sign away his rights. I got a little sad and cried a lot and idk why because I wanted him to sign them away but my mom and stepdad hugged me a lot and we are going to have a party tonight with both my moms family and dads family. my dads family especially my grandma and grandpa are really excited that I finally am going to have their last name and grandma has sent me pictures of gold necklaces she wants to have made for me with my new last name!! | 21,064 | 2022-10-16T22:43:34 | AITA for telling my mom and stepdad the real reason I was upset? | REPOST | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5u7gc/aita_for_telling_my_mom_and_stepdad_the_real/ | false | false | [
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y5uaqz | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-16T22:47:37 | My [26F] boyfriends [28M] sister in law [25F] gave him a plushie for Christmas and didn't make one for anyone else | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5uaqz/my_26f_boyfriends_28m_sister_in_law_25f_gave_him/ | false | false | [
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y5uydu | [removed] | 2 | 2022-10-16T23:16:31 | My wife lied to the police about my stepdaughter | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5uydu/my_wife_lied_to_the_police_about_my_stepdaughter/ | false | false | [
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y5vg6x | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-16T23:39:19 | Tipping Question USA - Do I always have to tip 20-25% ? | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5vg6x/tipping_question_usa_do_i_always_have_to_tip_2025/ | false | false | [
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y5xfy2 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T01:12:06 | Moving on | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5xfy2/moving_on/ | false | false | [
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y62wj1 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T05:52:14 | AITA for refusing to leave my friend's flat even though it disrespected his girlfriend's boundaries? | CONCLUDED | wormhole222 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y62wj1/aita_for_refusing_to_leave_my_friends_flat_even/ | false | false | [
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y65jzn | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T08:34:55 | The terrible saga of a pregnant woman cursed by her mother | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y65jzn/the_terrible_saga_of_a_pregnant_woman_cursed_by/ | false | false | [
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y668df | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T09:16:11 | My (40/M) wife (34/F) has been spending a lot of time with her tennis coach | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y668df/my_40m_wife_34f_has_been_spending_a_lot_of_time/ | false | false | [
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y6722v | [deleted] | 5,345 | 2022-10-17T10:06:24 | OOP finds out his girlfriend, who he was planning to propose to, used to be a sugar baby | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6722v/oop_finds_out_his_girlfriend_who_he_was_planning/ | false | false | [
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y67hhc | [deleted] | 3,025 | 2022-10-17T10:29:56 | I (24F) Just Found Out My BFs (27M) Ex is Pregnant | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y67hhc/i_24f_just_found_out_my_bfs_27m_ex_is_pregnant/ | false | false | [
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y67km3 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T10:34:23 | OOP IS TRAUMATISED BY HER BOYFRIEND | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y67km3/oop_is_traumatised_by_her_boyfriend/ | false | false | [
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y67lvm | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T10:36:18 | OOP's(f23) cousin(m13) opened up about his church's "purity support group" that sends sensitive photos to a parents group chat | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y67lvm/oopsf23_cousinm13_opened_up_about_his_churchs/ | false | false | [
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y67sxq | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T10:47:01 | OOP's(f23) cousin(m13) opened up about his church's "purity support group" that sends sensitive photos to a parents group chat | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y67sxq/oopsf23_cousinm13_opened_up_about_his_churchs/ | false | false | [
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y684gw | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T11:03:43 | Best of Redditor Update Post: The Vandalism Saga Conclusion!!! | CONCLUDED | ugaphoenix | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y684gw/best_of_redditor_update_post_the_vandalism_saga/ | false | false | [
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y69c9n | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/booksarepretty on r/offmychest
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/uwi2s/fuck_you_alan/) _- June 12, 2012_
Warning: Long and contains language. I don't usually use this much language but Alan is a terrible human being. There isn't a classy way to express my distaste for him. I apologize if I offend you.
Fuck you, Alan. Hard. Working with you these past 7 years has been terrible. You are a terrible co-worker and the entire organization thinks so. Do you know how hard it is to induce the scorn of nearly 300 employees? Pretty fucking hard, but you did it.
What exactly is it that you do? I know that you lurk around our office like you think you are important, drifting into conversations like you have business there. You don't. We will let you know when something pertains to you. Promise.
You float into meetings you aren't invited to and steal the extra lunches. Fuck you for that. I take those extra lunches downstairs to the interns, who can use all the help they can get since they are working for free, and Will, whose entire paycheck (nearly) goes to pay for medical treatment for his disabled child.Fuck you for taking their lunches when you make triple their salaries. What in the hell are you even doing at the meetings? You have been told repeatedly that you aren't to invite yourself to them but you still do.
Our CEO is a man who loves to hand out second chances to you because you did that one spectacular thing 7 years ago when you first started. OMG, you totally brought us a supporter! I will admit that it was much needed . But when he turned his back on our organization four years ago because of you, you should have been fired. Now our non-profit is barely scraping by because you are too lazy to go out and do your actual job. You have one job, Alan. One fucking job.
How dare you go into my office and log on to my computer when I wasn't there. You don't think I know. I do. Fuck you. You don't even work in my building. You work in the office across town. Why in the hell are you even over here? You didn't think I would reported you to HR, did you? I did. They were appalled. It is part of the reason you are under review now.
I recently got a lock installed on my office door. Good luck getting in now. What the hell were you looking for anyway?
Also, fuck you for calling me repeatedly while I was on Maternity Leave for things that weren't emergencies. Debbie was fucking handling my stuff while I was out. You got the fucking email I sent out regarding it because you replied to it. I don't even deal with anything you would need to contact me about anyway! " Do you have a copy of the report from last year?", you said in one voice mail I received shortly after giving birth. No I don't fucking have a copy of the report from last year because I don't handle the reports. I don't fucking handle the reports. You aren't new. You know this. The second and third calls ( I was still in the hospital) about how the break room was out of paper towels was just fucking mean.
Coming back after maternity leave to 200-something emails from you was wonderful. I didn't answer them because you don't need that information. It isn't even your job to know that information.
Fuck you, Alan. Fuck you and how you take Carrie's parking spot when you visit our location even though you know she has to park there because of her recent surgery. She had fucking cancer, Alan.
Also, how dare you come to my baby work shower (that was after fucking hours) and eat the majority of my awesome cake. That was my cake. No one invited you. How do you even find out about it? You don't even work in our office. Did you just decide to stay until 7pm one day at the office you don't work at for some reason? You just stumbled into my closed office with that stupid look on your face and said, " Er, look! Cake!". Fuck you, Alan. I was pregnant and I was going to eat that cake. I said one piece, Alan. Not the whole rest of the cake.
You really hurt Noah's feelings when you made fun of the way he speaks. He has a fucking speech impediment, you asshole. Not to mention you work for a fucking non-profit whose job it is to help people like Noah.
Tomorrow you have a review with the Board and the CEO to determine whether the department you run is up to standards. I hope you fail. It sickens me to think that because the jobs of the individuals with disabilities who work at your location depends on your success, but I can't help but delight in the fact that you are failing.
I will dance, Alan. I will dance and I will celebrate with cake - my cake, not yours- (quietly and alone) when they pull your expense records and find that you are mismanaging funds, and finally fire you.
Fuck you, Alan.
You are the only thing I hate about my job.
Edit: Thanks for the words of support and the sympathy anger, everybody! You are too wonderful. It is 8:04, my time (CENTRAL), and Alan just arrived for the meeting. My office is usually pretty quiet this early in the morning, but everyone is buzzing around conversat-ing about what is about to go down in that conference room. I will do a update post when I have the news.
Again, thanks so much for all your comments!
Edit: I did an update if anyone is interested in checking that out.
&nbsp;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/uyga5/update_byebye_alan/) _- June 13, 2012_
Sorry it took so long to update but I had work and things.For those of you who are interested, Alan is no longer employed. I don't really know a ton of details, but we received an email from Human Resources around 11am stating that Alan had moved on from our organization and that all his tasks would now be handled by this other person.
The office was elated. I danced quietly and quickly in my office. High fives and fist bumps were given and received by all.
There is even talk of a celebratory happy hour get-together after work. I can not go to this because it is my shift with my 5 month old (the hubs and I switch off so that we have times during the evening to relax and run errands), but I will be celebrating at my house with a homemade mini cupcake and whatever alcoholic beverage in my husband's man fridge will go with that cupcake. Maybe a nice German wheat beer? I don't know, but I am taking suggestions on that.
Thanks for all the comments and for reading both my posts! The show of support was OUTSTANDING! The advice was much appreciated.
Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Edit: I changed a word | 6,376 | 2022-10-17T12:01:08 | Fuck you, Alan. | CONCLUDED | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y69c9n/fuck_you_alan/ | false | false | [
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y69fyh | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T12:05:53 | Am I the asshole for not forgiving a "sociopath" for insulting my family | INCONCLUSIVE | NecessaryLibrarian23 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y69fyh/am_i_the_asshole_for_not_forgiving_a_sociopath/ | false | false | [
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y6aoo2 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T13:01:03 | Elementary school teacher vs Billionaire: OOP tries to expose a shady hedge fund manager that bought her students' trailer park and is forcing eviction upon the poor families by jacking up the rent. | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6aoo2/elementary_school_teacher_vs_billionaire_oop/ | false | false | [
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y6bf2b | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T13:33:07 | My boyfriend wants me to stay obese even though I'm dying | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6bf2b/my_boyfriend_wants_me_to_stay_obese_even_though/ | false | false | [
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y6de2a | [original and update is an edit in the end of the post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y0im7r/aita_for_refusing_to_remove_a_photo_of_my_husband/)
**I AM NOT OP (original was posted 7 days ago ,i.e. 10th october)**
This past weekend we attended my husband's cousin's wedding, it was in the same state but not near where we live so we stayed at a hotel near the venue. This hotel has a beautiful fountain out in front, while we waited for our vehicle to be brought around we had a bellman take our picture in front of the fountain. Neither my husband nor myself were part of the wedding party, we were simply guests at the wedding. Husband was dressed in a suit and tie and I was in a burgundy cocktail dress.
The bride and groom did request that no one take pictures during the ceremony or the reception. We both honored this request, in fact we took no pictures at the venue at all. I noticed several people taking photos at the venue before the ceremony and between the ceremony and reception.
The following day I shared the photo on social media of my husband and myself taken at our hotel before we went to the wedding. I did not mention the wedding or use the wedding hashtag or anything. There have been several people posting photos on social media taken at the venue and using the wedding hashtag and even tagging the bride and groom.
My husband's Aunt has texted me asking me to remove the photo because we are wearing what we wore to the wedding in the photo and her daughter (the bride) wants to share the first wedding photos. I said I didn't see a problem because our photo was not taken at the venue and was not linked to wedding or the bride and groom, and besides there are dozens of other photos that were taken at the venue and tagged with the wedding or the bride and groom. Including the brides own brother who was in the wedding party and he has posted at least a dozen photos. Aunt says she is trying to get them all taken down but she doesn't even know everyone who has posted photos.
So AITA for not removing the photo of us before we went to the wedding?
**VERDICT: NTA**
&#x200B;
UPDATE
The stepfather of the bride contacted me late today, the bride doesn't want my photo removed. Apparently the Aunt/MOB bestfriend took photos of the bride and bridesmaids before the wedding in their dresses and posted them on SM, members of the bridal party distracted her and gained access to her phone during the reception. They deleted the photos not just from her SM accounts but from her phone. She was upset and she insisted that Aunt/MOB make everyone else remove any photos they had posted. Aunt/MOB felt pressured by her friend and began contacting people, she ended having a major anxiety attack and ended up in urgent care this evening. Aunt/MOB has now cut contact with her friend, and friends and family have been told they are free to post selfies and similar photos from the wedding but asked not to post photos of the bride and groom. | 3,019 | 2022-10-17T14:58:31 | AITA for refusing to remove a photo of my husband and myself before we attended a wedding? | CONCLUDED | bojapoi | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6de2a/aita_for_refusing_to_remove_a_photo_of_my_husband/ | false | false | [
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y6dm02 | \*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/SleepyGFThrowaway16 in r/TrueOffMyChest\*\*
trigger warnings: none
mood spoilers: >!sad!<
Just a reminder, I am not OP. I appreciate the concern, but I am not the person who wrote these posts. Whoever reported me to RedditCare, I appreciate the concern, but you reported the wrong person. u/InternetAddict104 (me, the person who posted on BoRU) is a woman, and she has never had a gf, with or without sleeping problems. Please do not harass me or report me for harm as I have done neither.
\---
[The amount of time my GF has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her]( https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xzo2np/the_amount_of_time_my_gf_has_spent_sleeping_has/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - Oct 9 2022
I sound awful but you have no idea.
She always slept more than me. That's fine. Lately it's been just too much.
She falls asleep at say 10pm then wakes up after 12pm. Some days even after 2pm. Then she takes a nap like 2 hours later for somewhere between 3 - 6 hours.
I think my final straw was yesterday. She woke up at 9, then took a 6 hour nap at 11. Then after waking up at 5ish, cleaned for an hour, then took a 5 hour nap after that. She spent 11 hours of her daytime sleeping.
I'll get hate for this as well but it's affected our sex life. Every time I say I'm in the mood she falls asleep. I don't mean she says "not tonight" and falls asleep, I mean she just falls asleep. One time it was the afternoon we both had off and I suggested it. She was excited, went to bed, and I went time freshen up a bit. I came back like 3 minutes later and she was passed out. I get I'm not owed sex but I'm having a dry spell because she just sleeps.
I keep telling her this isn't normal and she needs to see a doctor but she refuses. She says I'm controlling because I can't have her all the time. She seems to think it's normal for people to sleep 20 hours a day.
I just stopped caring now. I can't leave her but she makes me feel ignored for her bed.
Edit: A few have harkened on the sex life I mentioned. No, it is not my only concern. It was the most reoccurring pattern. We've had dry spells, some for 2 months, and there's no issue. She could say no and I'd be fine. The difference is her saying "no" versus saying she wants to, then falling asleep within 3 minutes every time.
There's other issues as well: she'll forget to feed the cat, do dishes on her day to, and has me cook almost everything. The difference is that those can be on and off where some days she does and others she doesn't.
[Update: the amount of time my gf has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her.]( https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y0fxgg/update_the_amount_of_time_my_gf_has_spent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - Oct 10 2022
Hi everyone, even those hearing it on Tik Tok with gameplay in the background. I didn't expect it to blow up but it did. I wanted to clarify some things first.
We're both 28. I work full time, she had a full time job but she quit two months ago. Since then she had been looking for work but the sleep issues started 2 weeks ago.
My biggest mistake was mentioning our sex life as people took it to mean I cared more about sex than her. It was the easiest thing to show how my frustration had built up. Obviously I care about her health too. I said before we've gone for months without sex and I've had no problems. And even if we had sex, I would still be concerned. But I get how it comes off and that was my mistake.
As for the people calling me an asshole because I didn't take her to the doctor, what was I supposed to do? She's an adult and I can't make her go somewhere. Plus after she called me controlling I couldn't continue pushing since I was reminded of my ex who was.
Also a lot said I didn't care or was selfish. I was frustrated over what I was seeing and wanted my old gf back. I wanted her to be better. You can say that makes me a horrible person if you wish.
The update:
I took some of your advice and first told her parents. They can't make her do anything but they know now.
I gave her an ultimatum: get help or I leave. I made it clear I will not sit around as she sleeps all day. It's not normal and she needs help. I said I will help any way I can.
Long story short, we broke up. She got mad saying she was just more tired and it'll be fine. In that moment I knew I didn't love her anymore. How could I love someone who says I'm concerned and call me a manipulate asshole? It was her apartment so I left. I called her parents again to let them know and to take her cat since I could not.
I know I'll get hate but I don't know what else to do. She refused my help, and I can't help someone who doesn't want it.
I had to move in with my parents again. I feel like a failure. A 28 year old man stuck with mommy and daddy all because he was too weak to make it work. Idk if it's the right feeling, but it's how I feel.
Hate me all you want, I just don't care anymore.
——— ——— ———
In case you missed it at the top- Just a reminder, I am not OP. I appreciate the concern, but I am not the person who wrote these posts. Whoever reported me to RedditCare, I appreciate the concern, but you reported the wrong person. u/InternetAddict104 (me, the person who posted on BoRU) is a woman, and she has never had a gf, with or without sleeping problems. Please do not harass me or report me for harm as I have done neither. | 15,535 | 2022-10-17T15:11:22 | The amount of time my GF has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her | ONGOING | InternetAddict104 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6dm02/the_amount_of_time_my_gf_has_spent_sleeping_has/ | false | false | [
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y6doqc | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T15:15:52 | Meeting with CEO has crushed me | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6doqc/meeting_with_ceo_has_crushed_me/ | false | false | [
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y6dwk1 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/CallMeFlapadap in r/TwoXChromosomes**
trigger warnings: >!condescending supervisor at work!<
mood spoilers: >!happy for OP!<
---
&nbsp;
[**Meeting with CEO has crushed me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/suzjv0/meeting_with_ceo_has_crushed_me/) - Feb 17, 2022
I don’t know where to write this, and I do not know what I am looking for. I basically just have to write this down somewhere to process it somewhere.
I work for a company in Germany. I am new to this company, 4months there, and also alone in my whole department- I am building it up. Last month we have acquired a new company. A French company. So we have a Culture difference here. I was told that I will also need to work for that company. I do speak French. Not perfect but well enough to talk and joke around.
The French CEO was visiting our office this week and today he requested a meeting with me. The meeting was horrible. Basically it was just him taking our work culture (and me) apart , all while smiling at me the whole time. We have home office, which is unreliable, we have flexible working hours , which makes no sense. I have no rules no KPI, which is chaotic. However at our company everything runs smoothly and honestly I am successful at my job. (Feedback I got)
He talked to me the whole time as if I am 12 years old (I am 32) and then at the end he asked me if I even have any experience whatsoever (I have 4 years experience). And last thing he says while smiling „this meeting has shown me that I clearly need to speak to your CEO“. It honestly felt so condescending.
I am a very fragile person. I doubt myself a lot. I am my own worst critic. This has crushed me. I can’t switch off his voice in my head. I feel like a piece of worthlessness. Why did he smile the whole time? Why did he treat me like a child? Why do I let it make me go crazy when I normally get good feedback. I should be able to trust myself and my performance, no?
Also the whole meeting was in French. I do understand almost everything but why not speak a language that is foreign to both of us (English) instead of making only me uncomfortable. He used difficult expressions and then asked me „do you understand?“ several Times. During our first meeting ever I had asked several times if we could switch to English and he just said „but you know French. That way you will learn“ so I felt too shy to ask again. But to me this is such an odd way of thinking. It felt like his way of gaining more power.
&nbsp;
[**Update: Meeting with CEO has crushed me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xw0gn9/update_meeting_with_ceo_has_crushed_me/) - Oct 4, 2022
original post
Update: my post is quite a few months old now and a lot has happened.
The conversation with the French CEO had really crushed me. I was crying a lot. Then two months after I was in a meeting and I reacted apparently weird to a specific task I was given related to the French company. Immediately our CTO came to me after the meeting and I asked me why I reacted the way I did (I basically just said „should I confirm that with the French CEO before doing that“) Anyway, CTO ended up „pressuring“ me into telling him what happened. I had 1 tear rolling down my face because of the pressure. He was shocked and asked me in an ideal world what I wanted to make this better. I just said „I personally don’t want to work directly with him“. CTO said „done“. Two weeks later I get told that French CEO had been taken away decision power over my department. He is no longer involved.
Fast forward to last month. My company’s CEO came to me at the end of a work day. It was only him and me. He told me that he had heard about how the French CEO had treated me back in February. He hugged me and said that no one is allowed to treat me this way. Then he said that they have decided to find an agreement to part ways with the French CEO. They are still in discussions but he wanted to tell me already because of what had happened. He confirmed I do a wonderful job, exceed expectations and that if ever someone talks to me the way that guy did, to go straight to him directly to have this sorted out.
As you can imagine I am super happy at my current company.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 11,889 | 2022-10-17T15:23:17 | Meeting with CEO has crushed me | CONCLUDED | hekate5 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6dwk1/meeting_with_ceo_has_crushed_me/ | false | false | [
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y6g9ux | [deleted] | 3,211 | 2022-10-17T16:55:57 | OOP whose husband of 10 years never loved her then left her at an amusement park after a surgery NEW UPDATE | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6g9ux/oop_whose_husband_of_10_years_never_loved_her/ | false | false | [
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y6ge3w | This is a repost. Saw my own post shared by someone in /r/bestofpositiveupdates and figured to add the variety here too.
Original post by /u/FliesLikeABrick in /r/Adirondacks on 7/30/22
[Lost pocket knife @ Baker Mountain Trailhead 7/28 (sentimental value)](https://old.reddit.com/r/Adirondacks/comments/wc763b/lost_pocket_knife_baker_mountain_trailhead_728/)
edit: it was was Wednesday 7/27 and I did go back that evening upon realizing I forgot it - it was not on the side of the road or in the trail register
This is a long shot but I have to try....
I lost a yellow Benchmade (brand) pocket knife at the Baker Mountain Trailhead on 7/27, in the mid-late afternoon.
It was dropped on the edge of the road at the trailhead parking - I heard it drop and skitter under the car while I was changing into shorts for our hike, but my attention was drawn to something else and I forgot to pick it up before departing for the hike and then departing for the day.
I have had and carried this every day for 15+ years, it was given to me by a friend's father for xmas and has significant sentimental value.
On the off-chance anyone came across it or knows someone at Baker Mountain that day who saw or has it, please reach out.
I did leave a note in the trailhead register box as well. I know this is a long shot to post here, if anyone else has another suggestion please do let me know.
[Update: Lost pocket knife @ Baker Mountain 7/27](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adirondacks/comments/wya3zb/update_lost_pocket_knife_baker_mountain_727/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=bestofpositiveupdates&utm_content=t3_xx7dpm)
Posted 8/26/22
My dad (who stayed in the area a few days longer than us) went to the trailhead to take another look. He ended up texting a bunch of phone numbers in the trail register, for people who were there the same day as us (paraphrasing ..."Hey did you find a knife [description] at Baker Mountain? This is a long shot, please ignore if not and apologies for the noise")
As luck would have it, he found the person from Central NY that had been there and picked it up. My dad sent him money for shipping and a reward -- and when my parents came down to visit us, he handed me my knife back!
At first I thought he managed to find an exact replacement (which is basically impossible on ebay or elsewhere), then he was like "nope it's yours" and shared the story.
Thanks to all who read the original story and tried to help. This has been in my pocket every day for almost 15 years and has sentimental value to me.
--
BORU edit: Knife tax for /u/Balentay: https://imgur.com/a/yV8hWR8 | 1,644 | 2022-10-17T17:00:27 | Lost pocket knife @ Baker Mountain Trailhead 7/28 (sentimental value) | CONCLUDED | FliesLikeABrick | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6ge3w/lost_pocket_knife_baker_mountain_trailhead_728/ | false | false | [
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y6gtlc | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T17:17:34 | Momma Boy can't cure OOP's bisexuality, it drives Momma and Uncle criminally nuts | CONCLUDED | NemoNowan | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6gtlc/momma_boy_cant_cure_oops_bisexuality_it_drives/ | false | false | [
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y6hg53 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Playful_Nature2131 **in** r/EntitledPeople
trigger warnings: >!Biphobia, drug overdose, animal abuse and death at the end!<
mood spoilers: >!funny turning sad!<
[**'You're Still Bi? I Thought You'd Grow Out of That Once We Started Dating!' Entitled Mummy breaks up with me for laughing at her son.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/t52bwv/youre_still_bi_i_thought_youd_grow_out_of_that/) \- March 02, 2022
This is the second time now getting cheated on has led to me being dumped, at least this time it wasn't totally baffling. First time can be read about on my profile, also to my followers waiting on the end result of Creepy Lunger, the court date is set for July, I will update you after.
So I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now, he's not my usual type as he's very naïve and sheltered, whereas my life has been a joyous ride of how in the name of flapjacks did I survive that BS?! He's nice and funny, we met at uni and for the most part it was fine. There were a few red flags, like his mum still irons and folds his undies and socks for him, but lets be real, people in their early 20s still living at home is not even a shocking thing anymore. I just think its a bit psychotic to iron socks, but hey that's just me.
Anyway, on Saturday he went out for a lads night with his friends, he hooks up with a girl, they have sex and yesterday she messaged me on FB to basically say "Sorry I was drunk and slept with your BF, I had no idea he was in a relationship I'm really sorry" I was fine with it, thought it was nice for her to reach out and let me know. She's really cool, we chatted for a bit and decided to go grab a costa together on Thursday. I like talking to her and we have a lot in common, this is completely platonic. I mentioned in my last post, monogamy isn't really my thing, unless we've had a discussion and agreed to be monogamous I do not care. I don't tend to sleep with people in general, I have a low sex drive due to pure exhaustion and cancer, so if you want it and I'm not up for it, go get it somewhere else I don't care. Just use condoms and don't be with the same person multiple times because there is a difference between casual sex and multiple relationships.
He gets home and I casually mention she messaged me and we've been talking and reassure him I don't mind that he slept with someone else, just would prefer in future he wears a condom and hope he wouldn't mind getting tested before we sleep together again. He was fine with all that and was really surprised with how well I took it. But I had discussed my feelings on monogamy with him before we started dating so it wasn't a massive shock, like it was to the last prat. Then I make an offhanded joke saying 'next time you decide to sleep with a hot girl let me know and if I'm up for it maybe we can turn it into a threesome.' It was said jokingly and I was 100% joking and then he said 'why would you want to sleep with another girl?'
This is where the overall stupidity kicks in. I remind him I am bisexual and he says exactly what it says in the title. With a really confused face 'your still bi? I thought you'd out grow that when we started dating?' He follows this up with, 'my mum said you would because bisexuality is just a phase.' I face planted, like threw my hand to my forehead so hard my butt jiggled from the force of the slap, it was just so ridiculously stupid for a 24 year old male in twenty first century Britain to be saying these kind of things. Like I know your naïve but do you not watch TV? Do you not go on social media? What in the name of Ru Paul do you think sexuality is at 24 to think bisexuality is a phase! I didn't know what to say, I stood looking at him like he'd just sprouted another head out his armpit. And may I point out, this guy is a doing BSc in Sociology, a course I did for undergraduate and know that sexuality and gender are two things very much covered in any sociology course.
I was floored, it took me a few minutes to regain my composure and I realised I had 2 options laugh, laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of a 24 year old male having not only discussed my sexuality with his mum, but had believed her when she told him I'd grow out of it. Or I could try and explain sexuality to an adult sociology student. I knew the status of my relationship was at stake with whatever decision I made. I contemplated hard and then....I laughed so hard my bladder nearly burst. Sorry, not the mature decision but you know what? I don't care, it was freaking hilarious, he'd said it with such honest innocence. Look I can live with his mum ironing his socks, and I can live with his mum still buying his clothes and taking him to get a haircut, because honestly, I have my own shortcomings and if he can tolerate those I can tolerate his. But I will not live with someone being so clueless about sexuality. Maybe I'm the entitled one here, maybe I have too higher expectations of people. But I hey ho.
He of course got mad that I laughed at him. He started shouting and I kid you not, he managed to fit 'my mum says' 'mum said that' and 'but my mum is' into one 45ish second monolog 7 times. I will do a lot of things for love, but I won't compete with mummy. Frankly, I just didn't feel enough for him to even try. He grabbed his backpack, called his mum to come get him and left. That night after chatting with the girl he slept with and laughing some more his mother sent me this text:
I can not believe you would humiliate my son like that. You selfish stupid little b*tch. You are a fat, ugly sl*t, who is using 'biseuxlaity' (spelt just like that) as an excuse to wh*re around. I know your type and you've just thrown away the best thing you'll ever have with my son. My son deserves way better than a fat little sl*t like you. YOU ARE SCUM. We will be coming tomorrow to get the rest of his things from your house and I WILL BE BRINGING MY BROTHER TO DEAL WITH YOU IF YOU TRY AND PULL ANYTHING HE KNOWS HOW TO DEAL WITH TRASH. If you try and steal anything I will call the POLICE. You had better be there when we get there. SCUM.
So yeah not only did his mother break up with me for him, though I'd pretty much expected the breakup, she also called me some lovely names. Unfortunately, I couldn't be there. I had text her back asking what time she'd be coming, ignoring everything else and she didn't respond. No way in hades was I waiting around all day for this lunatic, her brother and son to turn up for his laptop, toothbrush and some random bits of clothes.
This brings me to this morning. I'd popped all his stuff in a bag and left it by the front door, except his laptop which was on the table next to the front door, just because I didn't want to break it. I do the school run for my sister every morning because she doesn't drive. Off we go at 820, we drop my gorgeous little nephew off at school at 850, get home for 930 having stopped at the shop on the way home as my sister needed to pick up a few bits for the boyo. Guess who is there waiting outside my front door? If you'd guessed the tantruming trio, you'd be right. If you'd guessed the police, you'd also be right! Most logical people 'Hmm she's not home, guess we will have to wait or come back later' entitled mum with serious emotional incest issues? 'She's not in, we should break into her house.' I get there and this witch is handcuffed in the back of a police car, my double glazed stain glass window pane that has a rose decoration broken into sections by bits of metal looks as though its gone three rounds with a rock (because it had) and my ex's uncle is shouting at the officer that I'm a thief and they were just coming to get what was my ex's. The officer reminds him even if they were trying to retrieve his property breaking and entering is still a crime.
The police officer then approaches me and says 'Good morning miss, this gentleman says you had arranged for them to come collect this young mans possessions this morning, is that true?' I replied with 'No, ex's mum sent me this message last night' shows phone, 'and did not reply with a time, but ex knows I do the school run every day so not sure why they chose now.' The officer reads over my phone, calls over his colleague and they go over to the witch in cuffs. They ask 'Witch, what did you mean when you told this girl your brother will deal with her?' Witches started to babble, brother got very quiet and ex just looked lost. Also brother is basically the same height as me and I have more fat in one butt cheek than he does in his entire body! So I could definitely take him. I'm just completely bemused at this point. The officers come back over and explain because she was caught in the act, by police of attempted to break into my house, I do not have a choice about pressing charges, and ask if I'd like to add harassment and making threats to the list. I'm in the middle of a court case already due to a certain lunger and really don't have the mental capacity right now, so I decline. They take pictures of the damage, not that there was much. I give them ex's stuff so he can leave and off they go. Once I cleaned the window there is a tiny crack on the outside glass that did not affect the front pane.
I'm now 15 stone lighter and getting a little flirty with the girl he slept with on Saturday. What I'm taking away from this relationship? If mummy irons his undies regardless of age, run, fast and far and preferably with a pretty brunette in the future. Hope you enjoyed and wish me luck for tomorrow for my maybe not so platonic costa with the girl he 'cheated' on me with!
[**UPDATE: 'You're Still Bi? I Thought You'd Grow Out of That Once We Started Dating!' Entitled Mummy breaks up with me for laughing at her son.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/t6iff1/update_youre_still_bi_i_thought_youd_grow_out_of/) \- March 04, 2022
I was thinking about posting this in my [OG Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/t52bwv/youre_still_bi_i_thought_youd_grow_out_of_that/) <- linked there, but figured it would get WAY too long so I'm starting a new one. I feel it is only fair since so many people have reached out to share the absolute train wreck that my Costa date became. And as my new lady friend has pointed out, only a couple hundredish people are invested in it now hehe.
As those who read my first thread will remember, my delightful ex boyfriend had, what I now know to be, pretty lousy sex with a lovely brunette on Saturday of last week. She messaged me on Tuesday having found out through the book of faces that we are a couple and apologised for sleeping with him. It wasn't an issue, I'm not really monogamous and she was hot, I got why he went there. We got chatting and decided to meet up at Costa on Thursday and spent most of Tuesday and Wednesday chatting. She lived for the psycho mamma drama that I got hit with when ex beau's mummy broke up with me for him, after I'd laughed at him for thinking his adequately sized man stick would cure me of my bisexuality. Mother dearest then attempted to break into my house, in the dumbest way possible, and got herself some shiny new metal bracelets.
Reasons it was dumb you might ask? Well, first of all, something I had forgotten about, Ex knows the combination to my key safe. So he could have legitimately let himself into my house, got his belongings from the front door, and left. No harm, no foul.
Second, the layout of my front door, well there is a door with a lovely rose design with metal crossing it. Next to my front door is an ordinary glass window the same size as my door. This genius of a woman attacked my door window, not the window next to it. The delightful gentleman that came to assess my window said that had she attacked the window not the door window, she'd have broken through easily, the door has reinforced glass.
Third, and I only learnt about this yesterday, mother of the year, took a bite out of a police officer. So bye bye Mummy, see you in 5-7. From what I was told during my date, Mummy has earned a nice little [ankle bracelet](https://www.gov.uk/electronic-tags) until court. I'm not sure of the exact details but hey ho, not my circus.
So now we get to the nitty gritty. The date itself. Everything was fine, she looked beautiful, I looked...well like me. I got the new aero caramel hot chocolate, she got a cappuccino. We are sat down, my back to the door, a few minutes in she lets out this adorable little half gasp half chortle. She's staring behind me so I whip myself around and guess who I see? If you guessed the great Bi slayer, you'd be right. If you'd guessed Uncle baguette, you'd also be right! I'd told ex about my meeting with Brunette and he'd decided, in his infinite wisdom, to come along and try 'reason' with me.
I look back at date, she's excited, we had already established that she is a drama whore, and this was already better than [Corrie](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coronation_Street) (Its a soap opera). Ex comes over and the conversation goes something like this:
E- Ex, M- Me, B- Brunette, UB- Uncle baguette (the description is in the last post as to why he's called that)
E: Hey can we talk
M: I don't think we have anything to talk about
E: We need to talk about us
M: There is no us, you broke up with me
B: Well technically his mother did (smirking)
E: Yeah but I'm not controlled by my mother and I should have a say about our relationship
M: Our relationship is over. Your say became irrelevant when you let your mother attempt to smash my door in.
UB: (in an annoyed angry tone) She was only trying to protect him from you stealing his stuff.
Cue eye roll from me and B.
E: Look we both made mistakes, can't we just go somewhere and talk about this together?
B: No you can't she's moved on and if you don't mind, you are disturbing our date.
Well at this point E looked like he'd just been slapped, UB looked like he wanted to slap me and I was just done.
E then asks: This is a date? I thought you were just hanging out?
B replying for me: Well yeah, turns out your magical penis failed to knock the gay out of me too so we figured why not? Thanks for giving me such a glowing recommendation by the way. (I'm a little bit in love with her at this point)
I kid you not she said it in the smuggest voice possible while I tried not to choke on my marshmallows, not a euphemism.
E stammered, stuttered and just kinda blinked a lot like, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Baguette at this point is raging, like if this was a cartoon steam would be coming out of his ear, but being the smart little breadstick he is, he kept quiet and threw us a look that [Sheldon Cooper](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BcF3f33IAAAE60V.jpg) would have been envious of. Honestly, I kinda feel bad for poor Ex, he's got a lunatic for a mother, a stickman for an uncle and really no clue what the real world is like. He just kind of exists in his sock ironed bubble.
At this point I knew it was time to go before things escalate, my darling drama digging date had provoked uncle chopstick enough and I just had no more time for these people. I stand up and politely said excuse me to uncle dearest, despite his clear fury, properly trained British people tend to break out in hives if they aren't a little polite. I once had a meltdown because the random driver must think I'm so atrociously rude for not waving back to him after he let me pass! Honestly it haunts me to this day. We leave and decide to go get fish and chips from the beach front and have a lemon topped [Mr Whippy](https://enjoysaltburn.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/lemon-top-731x1024.jpg). (I own none of these pictures by the way, they're just off google) We were at the point when we were about to drive home when............My phone exploded. Not literally of course, that'd be terrifying. But the warrior beast had awoken by her precious boys despair. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn.
It was basically the same as yesterday, wh\*res, sl\*ts, c\*nts. Some lovely: I'm going to destroy you're worthless lives were thrown in there and I'm going to burn your house downs. She's on an ankle monitor because of me. I've ruined her precious little diddums life. He's a broken shell of a man. I'm an evil harpy from hell. I hope cancer kills you. This literally goes on for two hours, I switched my phone to silent and mostly ignore them, though we do check every so often to see if they're still coming. Then she said the one thing that really made me see red. She said she hopes my nephew dies. I saw blood, if Brunette hadn't been with me I think I'd of gone to her house and made a necklace out of her teeth. After some soothing words from B, I called the lovely boy in blue that I'd spoken to the previous day, explained what was going on and decided, despite the overall exhaustion I'm likely going to feel, that I'm pressing charges for harassment and ... I think he called it malicious communication? Who knows, I'm sure I'll find out soon.
He came by once we were back at my place, went through my phone, diddled with some stuff and said I'd have to come into the station on Monday to do other stuff I'm not quite clear on. Honestly, while all this was going on it felt like an angry lioness was prowling around inside me ready to jump on the neck of the next thing that approached. Same feeling I got when my nephew came home from school crying because a boy in his class threw away his crystal and now he couldn't find it, I was legit ready to throw down with a 4 year old. Instead I bought my nephew 16 new crystal necklaces. My recently departed Nana told him crystals heal so he has become obsessed with having one on him at all time. I think its a grief response , he will sit there and talk to her ashes while holding his crystal. Its cute but also a little creepy, he's been teaching her how to play the playstation recently, I think we need to get him a therapist....or a dog.
You think its all over? She's got the police after her, Ex knows I'm over it. What more is there to be done?! Darling we forgot about the walking beanpole. What's the best way to get back at someone your family is currently harassing for calling the police? Slash their tyres of course! Well, those reading Creepy Lunger will remember my nifty dashcam. It's motion activated! Now he's been arrested too, emotionally incestuous mummy has been arrested. Ex tried to message me again this morning, which quite cruelly I replied with 'Go crawl back inside your mummy and leave me the hell alone' before promptly blocking him and all is right in the world.
As for me and B you might ask? I'm not sure, it depends on how much drama her soul needs to survive, if she is someone that creates it to fulfil their own daily drama doses, she'll be gone. But for now she's currently in the living room cuddling my cat, I'll let you know things go once our first date ends.
p.s. since a few have asked, I'm fine with this going on youtube.
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[**UPDATE 2: 'You're Still Bi? I Thought You'd Grow Out of That Once We Started Dating!' The Saga Continues**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/teq9gw/update_2_youre_still_bi_i_thought_youd_grow_out/) \- March 15, 2022
Well, you said it wasn't over and boy were you right. **Warning you here now, horses were killed in the making of this update.** I'm going to try and keep it as upbeat as possible but I've gotta warn you, Uncle Dbag's update gets dark. I'm leaving him until the very end so, if you are a horse person, maybe stop before him.
Where we last left off: My tyres were slashed by Uncle Groot (just for you [**TidalLion**](https://www.reddit.com/user/TidalLion/)**).** Mummsie was arrested for multiple things, mostly just being a lunatic with emotional incest issues...oh and assault. And Ex had been told to "Go crawl back inside your mummy and leave me the hell alone." So what more could possibly go wrong, right? Well here's a catch up on what's happened in the last 11 days.
We shall start with Mama since it's the shortest. Mama went to the big house, decided it wasn't for her and tried to check out by purchasing something I'm not privy too and ODing. Either that or she thought 'when in Rome, do dr\*gs someone's carried up their a$$' and that shiz went bad. She's currently in hospital, I do not have a massive amount of details on what's what, or what will happen when she's discharged as the police have mentioned psychiatric evaluation, which is desperately needed, I agree. Despite everything I wish her well and hope she gets the help she needs, or the attention she craves. Do I believe it was a genuine suicide attempt? Not personally, but I was also raised by a narcissist so I'm always sceptical about narcissists attempts on their lives. Regardless, I hope she gets help.
How do I know about mama's OD you might ask? Well, wonderkid showed up on my doorstep on Saturday, drunk as a skunk and ended up spending the night in my spare room. He was completely blotted, he went through the entire drunk scale, one might he was angry, then he was telling me how much he still loved me, then he was suggesting a threesome with B and I and then he passed out on the spare bed, B and I rolled him over and put a kylie sheet under him to keep the mattress protected in case of accidental bladder release and left him be. Sunday morning comes and he was not alright, the events of Uncle Butt head happened the day after mama OD'd, so Ex was pretty overwhelmed. Look, ex is like a chick that's fallen from his nest, he doesn't know how to fly yet, doesn't know how to feed himself and without someone to look after him he'd probably be eaten by a cat. I feel for him, I really do. He just kinda got caught in his mother and uncle's bat crap craziness. He has made mistakes for sure, so have I.
He's so innocent, I shouldn't have gone there with him to be honest, we were never compatible but I was grieving and he was nice. He's got no choice not to be a mama's boy now and is spinning out. We found him a counsellor online because our uni services have a loooong waiting list. He honestly truly believed his mother would sort everything for her precious baby, he honestly thought uncle would do what he did. He cried a lot, and B and I did our best to console him. But his life has been more or less torn apart by all this, he's thinking of transferring his credits down south, so he can live with his sister. She's a genuinely mature adult who is NC with mama for a reason, she'd be good for him. But that's his journey. I wish him well, and believe me, sober, the amusement that his ex and his one night stand were together had him laughing despite the madness. I think he now he's had some time away from the devil on his shoulder he's seeing sense. I can only hope the best from him from here on out.
B and I? Well we are together, she's crazy, I'm crazy, we both have terrible taste in men, it just works. It's still only like 2 or 3 weeks in but it's nice and relaxing. She's not as drama seeking as I'd feared, she enjoys drama as much as reddit does but she's pretty level headed and kind. We shall see. I'm not holding out for a happily ever after but she makes me feel sexy again, which is a feat, as anyone going through cancer treatment will tell you. For now, she's what I need and my cat likes her. I've not introduced her to nephew though, I'm sure many redditors will be happy to hear Nephew is in therapy and would be doing fine if he didn't have the pox! Poor baby looks like he lost a fight with a bee hive. Thankfully, all us adults had them as kids and are safely unaffected, though I start to itch every time I look at him.
[Cat Tax](https://prnt.sc/1gHygPocgVKR) [Cat Tax](https://prnt.sc/iRNSHjcXTxAc) Mother and Daughter in kitten mode. (Black and White is mine, Brown is my dads but is my cats mum) With that cuteness, end it here if you are satisfied.
**Sadness warning ahead - Uncle's Update**
Uncle brain damage was charged and released, he made a deal to pay me back for the tyres in full and I took it because I'm a broke A uni student and money! It would have taken way too long to get the money back going through courts so it just seemed easier. He is now in custody, so lets get on with that part of the story. I have older brothers, they're basically useless lumps of men who ride horses and play PlayStation. It's gotten to the point where if they aren't attached to a remote or a horse, I don't recognise them. They be small, cause they be jockeys. Fun fact about Jockeys, they are freakishly strong for such tiny humans. So Uncle Whippet decides that if he can't take his beef up with me, he's going to take it up with my brothers, because he's clearly a mature gentleman not a high school student. Did I mention that this tall glass of week old water is in his 40s? But being the coward he is, he's not going to confront two small small freakishly strong gamers. No...
The great intelligence decides that whilst my brothers were riding out with a bunch of other riders coming back from the gallops, to drive up behind them and start blaring his horn. Know, for those who don't know this basic information, **you don't do that**, horses get startled very easily, buck, kick and generally run for dear life when scared. If you did this from the front, maybe since they can see you they'd be scattery but controllable, or they'd be freaked out, these weren't yearlings so they are use to being on the road, but coming up from behind and basically scaring the hell out of them is a big no no. A sad sad fact about horses, broken legs are extremely hard to heal, you have to suspend a horse for weeks in a stable and basically stop them from doing anything they do, it is difficult, time consuming and expensive. That's if surgery is even able to realign the bone.
For professional race horses, most the time it's just not viable to keep them alive after a break, this was the case for one of the horses startled in the process of this disgusting morons revenge, he ran, sunk into a ditch on one side, went down and it was over. The local vet came and put him down on the side of the road, from the little I got from my very devastated brothers the bone was showing and moving him would have been torture. I've not asked for anymore details, I do know that had the police not gotten to the useless bag of bone's he'd probably have been compost. I live in a very horsey community, the only thing worse than hurting a horse, is hurting a child and you better believe it's a 'don't think, just run and put as many miles between you and this town as possible' situation if you do.
By some stroke of grace none of the riders were seriously injured, one girl did dislocate her shoulder but that was about as serious as it got. Uncle dirtbag has been charged with a number of things including dangerous driving, attempted murder and animal cruelty, you don't live round here without knowing how to act around horses, you just don't. Currently there is a wait time on that and I'll have basically nothing to do with it. He did apparently say something about 'wouldn't have to come after her brothers if she wasn't a c\*nt' but that's 3rd or 4th hand so I can't tell you if it is true or not. As you can imagine I am horrified by this entire thing and devastated for the horse. I truly regret not going for full charges but he likely would have been out either way, so not sure it would have made a difference. No blowback has come to me about this, my brothers are just extremely angry that I didn't tell them about everything in the first place, who knew they could get so overprotective? The Brother Bears are definitely prowling.
And that is everything up until now, sorry its not the lighthearted tale of woe everyone was expecting, but even I can't make what's happened funny. It's just been one of those weeks and I'm mentally too exhausted to try. But alas I doubt it's the end so I will update if anything more occurs and maybe if you're all extra nice, I may regale you with some stories of my own entitled narcissist of a mother and her antics. Small highlights include, the time she was caught shoplifting from charity because she needs it more. The time she took us on holiday on her exs card than was shocked pikachu when he kicked her out or the time Santa died. For now, as Porky would say "that's all folks"
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
It's concluded because there are no more news about Momma Boy.
OOP was also the OOP of [this BORU post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/pfe2b2/creepy_guy_tries_to_follow_oop_police_are/) , which she references here.
There is another tangentially relevant post, where OOP breaks up with this girlfriend after a very misguided proposal: [Post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xmqf6l/aita_for_making_a_scene_and_abandoning_my_gf_when/)
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EDIT: OOP found this post and replied in the comments with some clarifications and updates:
[COMMENT 1: On her health and her allergies:](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6hg53/momma_boy_cant_cure_oops_bisexuality_it_drives/isrpek0/?context=3)
Over the last year my cancer treatment has turned my small intolerance into serious allergies. Part of the reason I stopped posting on Reddit so much is because I've been really struggling with my health and this has been the worst part. Before dairy would give me the toots, these days dairy gives me v&d. Before lemon would give me a stomach ache and sometimes headache, these days reactions have varied from violently sick to hives to breathing issues. Before I would not care on special occasions and treat myself. These days I drive past the Mr Whippys looking sad. My doctor says overtime the allergies could settle down but it's likely I am stuck like this for good. Allergies suck almost as much as the cancer.
[COMMENT 2: Updates on how the involved are currently doing](https://www.reddit.com/user/Playful_Nature2131/comments/)
I dont really have one on me and Bae, there were a couple of flying monkey attacks after the fact and I admit I shouldn't have left her so far from home in the rain but she's been with me through my treatment, she's seen how sick I've got. I've lost over 6 stone in the last 8 months I've gone from being obese to almost underweight. I miss my wobbly bits now everything's saggy from excessive weight loss. She couldn't understand the issues I had with that night. As many pointed out I use to love lemon, now even the idea of it gives me hives never mind what the taste does to me. I couldn't deal with her drama on top of my own and my health. My brothers have moved in with me and are helping out now.
My other ex is doing so so well, like he's out from under his mum, he's getting therapy, he's changed his career trajectory from mummy's plan to something he adores. I honestly don't recognise the man I wrote about in my original post all those months ago. I'm so so proud of him, he's one of my best friends and has been a massive support through everything.
Uncle matchstick is in prison he took a plea, got 7 years for pleading guilty to a couple different things, not going to name them as it was in the paper and could lead to him being identifiable. He's also lost his license and had to pay a massive fine that selling his house unlikely won't cover.
And Mamas gone to wherever narcissists go when they die. Heart gave out, apparently it was peaceful, I didn't attend the funeral and haven't really spoken about her much at all since. Ex is doing alright, he felt guilty at the start for not being there but his therapist and family got him through it.
Sorry I'm not as good with my story telling right now. Exhaustion is not good for the creative mind. | 3,318 | 2022-10-17T17:42:24 | Momma Boy can't cure OOP's bisexuality, it drives Momma and Uncle criminally nuts | CONCLUDED | NemoNowan | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6hg53/momma_boy_cant_cure_oops_bisexuality_it_drives/ | false | false | [
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y6j1zo | **I am not the OP. Original posts are made by u/Ok_Independence_579 at r/offmychest.**
Edit: As people are missing it in the title: this is a repost of a previous post that was removed due to being posted within 7 days of the most recent update. I am reposting now as it is more than 7 days. There is no new update beyond reposting what was removed :)
Trigger warning >!Drugged, possible sexual assault, Addiction!<
Mood Spoiler >!Sad, possible hope at the end!<
**First [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/x9onci/i_ghosted_my_family_and_fiance_after_what_my/) 9 Sept 22**
I need a little advise on the matter as I don't know what to do anymore.
I was 21 when my fiance asked me to marry him.
He was the absolute light of my life. We had known each other since pre school, our family's are very close.
He would come and have dinner with us on a daily basis and vice versa. He doesn't have any siblings but I have 2 older sisters. Which is very important as he was also very close with them.
We grew up together. When we started dating, I don't think our parents stopped celebrating for weeks.
He helped me deal with a lot of my anxiety and even when I gained a little weight and my mother berated me saying he was going to leave me, he told her off and said he loved me for who I was, not for what I looked like, even though he claimed I was the most beautiful girl in the world to him.
We were only engaged for 6 months before the inncident.
My middle oldest sister, lets call her Nicky, was a very cold person, she never showed any affection, she only ever opened up to my fiance as she said she saw him as a brother and he also helped her through a lot of her dark times such as battling drug addictions and breaking the law.
She and I never saw eye to eye, I loved her dearly because she was my sister but didn't like her as a person.
Out of the blue she tells me she wants to take me clubbing as we had never been together before and she felt bad that she was so distant to me.
I agreed and that night we went out.
Clubbing wasn't really my style but once I had a few drinks, I loosened up a little and began having fun.
The night was going smoothly until Nicky spotted a guy across the room whom she claimed she wanted to "climb like a tree" She walked over to him and within a few minutes she was back and she had a sour expression on her face.
I asked her what was up but she never said anything.
I kept pressing because I didnt want our night to be ruined, she then told me the guy didn't want her number but he wanted mine instead.
I told her he was a loser and there were plenty of guys around who would kill to be with a girl like her, she didn't budge though.
She told me she needed to use the restroom and then we would leave.
I waited for other an hour, during this time I was sipping on a lot of different cocktails, I then started feeling really dizzy and lightheaded.
I figured I'd just cab it home as I was certain Nicky had left.
On the way out though, I bumped into a friend of Nicky's whom she had briefly dated.
He asked me If I needed a hand to my car and I explained I was getting a cab he said he was getting ready to leave and we could share one. I told him okay and we walked out of the club together and into the first cab we saw.
I tried to find my phone in my purse but I felt myself getting dizzier and dizzier.
I don't remember what happened next as I blacked out and the next morning I woke up on a hard sofa, my head pounding.
When I came to, I realised I was in Nicky's friends house and my phone was sitting on the glass table in front of me, but it was flat.
When he noticed I was awake he offered some tablets and water and explained that I had passed out in the cab and he didnt remember my parents address so he just picked me up and took me back here where he laid me on the sofa.
I told him I needed to go home as my fiance would be worried.
He called a cab and I left. When I arrived at my parents house, my mother, father, Nicky, my fiance and his parents were all standing in the living room.
I thought they were worried about me but the instant I opened my mouth my fiance asked how could I do this to him?
I tried to explain that my phone went flat but he then went on screaming about how could I cheat on him.
I was baffled. Why would he think that? I tried to explain the nights events but I kept getting cut off.
Nicky then chimed in and said I was a lying S and how could I be so heartless to a man who has been there for me through thick n thin.
She went on to say I kept flirting with random guys all night and then when she went to the bathroom, she saw me leave with her friend.
I told her what had happened and she showed me photos on her phone where as we were leaving, his hand was on my back ushering me outside, yes the photo did look horrible and I was so drunk I didn't even realise his hand was on my back at all.
My fiance was so angry, he kept shouting and his mum and mine were both crying.
I then asked Nicky to call her friend and he would confirm Nothing happened but when she called him, he told a completely different story.
He said I begged him to take me back to his and when he did, we slept together multiple times.
I saw red and started crying and yelling at Nicky because I knew she had organised this whole thing to make me look bad.
I begged my fiance to believe me, but he just shook his head and left. When everyone had cleared out, my mother slapped me across the face and told me to get out.
I left and went to a friends house where I stayed for a few nights. During those nights I called my fiance crying and pleading with him to believe me that nothing happened but it all fell on deaf ears as he never returned any of my calls or texts.
My mum texted me and told me she was kicking me out and that she couldnt believe I would do such a thing and a lot of hurtful other slurs I don't think I could repeat here.
She didn't even give me time to get my things as she threw everything out.
I was now homeless. None of my family would take me in, as they chose my fiance and mothers side.
I was homeless and single in less than a day and a half, my entire world had been taken away because of Nicky's lies.
Now for weeks I tried everything to get my fiance back and my family.
The limit for me though was when Christmas time had come and I went over to my mothers house to try and reconcile. I was sleeping from couch to couch during this time.
When I got to my parents house, I knocked on the door but no one answered. My friend then called me and told me she just saw on facebook that my family were in another state celebrating Christmas and they had posted pictures online.
Everyone was there, my sisters, parents, grandparents and even my fiance and his family.
When I myself saw the photos, I couldn't stop crying as they all looked so happy.
I cried for days and days before deciding to block them all. I even returned my engagement ring.
My friend knew someone a couple hours away who was looking for some help in his restaurant and he even had living arrangments above where he worked so I could get rent at a cheap price and work at the same time.
I wanted to start over with my life as it hurt me that noone took my side and they all left me to fend for myself.
I was able to move pretty quickly and was doing well, the apartment was tiny and I had to work 10+ hours almost every day, but I was able to save a lot of money.
Im not living in the apartment anymore, I was able to rent a much nicer condo but I am still working at the restaurant as assistant manager.
Now it has been roughly two years since I left and have not spoken to any of my family. I have no idea what is going with them until I got a knock on my door.
It was my ex fiance. I was shocked to say the least, all these feelings came rushing back and all I wanted to do was jump into his arms.
But then I remembered the pain I had felt and tried to slam the door in his face but he stopped it and asked that I let him explain.
He said that Nicky had gotten married and she had confessed that she lied about the situation because she had found someone she loved so much and realised what a horrible thing she had done.
I asked him how he found me and he said my friend told him.
My entire family had been trying to get in touch with me and want to see me.
I told him I needed time to see if I even wanted To have them in my life.
He left and I have been a mess since.
I don't know what to do, I know I will never ever forgive Nicky, she could rot for all I cared but Its hard because my other family and fiance didn't know she was lying, but I also felt like they abandoned me too quickly without letting me explain my side.
I don't know if I should forgive them.
Any advice would be much helpful.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
**[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/xj5a94/update_i_ghosted_my_family_and_fiance_after_what/) 20 Sept 22**
Wow guys, I don't even know where to begin. I am honestly so grateful for all the support, advice, beautiful messages and awards you guys have gifted.
I wish I could personally thank each and everyone of you, and I did try my best to reply to every message.
You guys are honestly so amazing and I cried reading all the comments, my heart has never been so touched with the ammount of love and support I got on this post and I am so sorry if it took too long to post an update.
I was honestly in so much shock I didn't know how to cope with it.
So uh I never got back to my ex, I didn't know what to do, but eventually he must have given my phone number to my parents as they texted asking to meet up. I never replied and was planning on organising a zoom meeting but didn't need to as they also showed up at my door. Well my father did.
When I answered the door and saw him standing there, I ended up throwing up which he insisted on cleaning.
When he was done, we sat down and I just bursted in tears.
My emotions were all over the place and my father has worn the same cologne for a really long time, so when I smelt it, it just bought back all these memories.
He tried to hug me but I pushed him away and asked what he was doing here.
He went on to explain he and my mother are getting a divorce. He said he begged my mother to get in touch with me the minute I left, but she refused and said I was acting like a baby and if I wanted to leave them after doing something so horrible, then I could do things on my own from then on.
I askes him how long did it take them to notice I was gone.
He said they arrived back home after News Years Eve and were planning on inviting me over so we could talk, that's when they got in touch with my friend and she told them I left and she didn't know where I was.
I asked him why didn't he listen to my side of the story and why did they throw me away so easily.
He just started crying. He said he never meant for things to get so out of hand and he wishes more than anything he could take it all back.
I said when they found out Nicky was taking drugs and had dropped out of HS, they didn't throw her away, instead we all went on a holiday so she could focus on things besides drugs and during that trip, she got hooked on alcohol and each time they defended her over and over.
He said he had no idea my mother was going to kick me out, he thought it was going to be for a few days but then they decided last minute to spend Christmas out of state.
My mother apparently promised him I would be allowed back home after they got back.
I said she threw away all my stuff but he said everything was still there and she lied about that.
I asked him what has happened to Nicky and he said she is dead to him, he wants nothing to do with her but my mother has been crying to him, asking to forgive Nicky as she is not well and they had already lost one daughter, they cannot lose two.
He blocked my mother and Nicky and has been on my ex's case about finding me. My ex caved in when my dad said he blocked my mother and Nicky and told him where I lived.
I asked that he never show up again unless I give him permission and he agreed.
He asked what would happen now and I said I really don't know and that he hurt me really bad.
I then just went into detail about how much he hurt me and what it felt like seeing them so happy without me and how hard it is has been.
We were both crying by the end of it but I was really glad I got it all out, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
My dad then said he knew a few places around the area and would help get me a better apartment and he said he would help get a better job but I told him I wouldn't be leaving this job as my boss helped me out so much and I wanted to repay him at all costs.
I said I didn't want him to do anything for me, but I said I do want to reconcile but it has to be on my own terms and It is going to take a very very long time to trust him again, and I may never trust him again.
He said he would do anything to make up for what he did.
I asked him why Nicky did this and if she said anything about it. Well she said she thought my ex deserved better than me and she wanted to see him happy because he was making too many sacrifices in the relationship, she loved him like a brother and wanted to break the engagement off, so that night she asked her friend to come and escort me out of the club so she could get photos and to take me home so her plan could work, she said nothing sexual happened, I went to sleep on the sofa and that was it, he was up playing video games all night until I woke up, which he has prove of apparently.
My dad was planning on getting my stuff from my mothers house and bringing it to me but I told him I didn't want those things anymore.
I then went to ask about Nicky's husband and he said my mother has been hush hush with the entire situation but he had his number and wrote it down for me.
After my dad left, I decided to call Nicky's husband.
I was sweating the entire time and felt so sick, what if I could hear her in the background?
Well anyhow when he picked up, I just spit everything out, which I deeply regret because I should have eased into it for him, he sounded really confused and I explained the entire situation again. I even went into detail about her drug and alcohol problems.
I was honestly expecting him to curse me out and defend Nicky, instead he let out a long sigh and well turns out, he had a feeling she wasn't exactly innocent, turns out her and his sister have been having problems and she has been spouting non stop lies about his sister and has caused a huge rift between them, his sister didn't even attend their wedding.
I told him I was sorry but he should make things right with his sister because Nicky was the problem not her.
We spoke a little more and he hung up. I'm not entirly sure what he is going to do with that information, I hope he cuts his loses and leaves her because he sounded like a really nice person and even he has lost his own sister because of Nicky.
So I have decided to reconcile with my dad, My mother has always run the show their entire marriage, so the fact he is putting his foot down and divorcing her and going nc with Nicky shows he is serious about wanting to make amends.
I don't think I will ever reconcile with my mother, as she thinks Nicky is a victim also in all this and at this point I don't care to listen to her excuses. If she reaches out and we talk, I will update the post again.
For my ex, I haven't had the time to meet with him and talk, though my dad mentioned he wanted to come with my dad but he told him I would be too overwhelmed if both were there and seeing them separated will help make clear decisions.
He also mentioned my ex was arrested for assaulting Nicky's friend who lied about the entire situation, he was being charged but the charges were dropped a few days later.
I will update the post again, when I have have time to speak to my ex.
Thank you guys for your being so patient and so caring and just amazing.
**I am not OP** | 6,088 | 2022-10-17T18:45:35 | OP ghosted her family and fiance for 2 years after what her sister did (repost - previous post removed) | ONGOING | twovectors | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6j1zo/op_ghosted_her_family_and_fiance_for_2_years/ | false | false | [
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y6kigy | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T19:42:54 | [UPDATE] OOP's upstairs neighbor is potential "cult leader" holding events in building, making excessive noise & causing damage to ceiling | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6kigy/update_oops_upstairs_neighbor_is_potential_cult/ | false | false | [
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y6lnnm | **I am not OP.**
Posted by [u/Overall-Lack-2179](https://www.reddit.com/u/Overall-Lack-2179)
Mood spoiler: >!sad but hopeful for OP!<
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/og5x4k/my_family_is_blaming_me_for_a_fight_after_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) _- July 8, 2021_
Throwaway so I don’t cause any more damage than I’ve already done)
So a bit of backstory—I (16m) recently moved in with my dad (47m) after my mom died. Dad’s never really been in my life and he and my mom were never married. He has a wife S (48f) and two other kids A (14f) and M (18m)
So when I ended up moving in with my dad it obviously caused a lot of issues with the rest of the family. Nobody wanted me there and basically gave me the cold shoulder. S, M, and A tend to talk with each other in French because they know that I can’t understand them, and my dad has tried to force an English only rule in the house with little luck. For the first month, M just ignored me completely, even though he and I were forced to share a room since the house didn’t have any space. I tried to be nice but I just lost my mom and it hurts and it’s been so much change so quickly.
Two days ago though, I found the postcards and pictures and letters from my mom ripped into a bunch of pieces and scattered all across my bed. I kept them in a box under my bed and M had been the only one in the house with me at the time so I know he did it.
I started yelling at him and we ended up verbally fighting right as S and A got back home. I can’t remember what M said anymore because I was so mad that I wasn’t thinking straight, but I remember hitting him. We both exchanged a couple of punches and I accidentally elbowed A in the nose while she and S were trying to separate us so she was bleeding too.
When my dad got home we were all still yelling and S was trying to throw me out of the house. I couldn’t stop crying because I just had my only actual photos of my mom ruined and I don’t know if we can fix them. My dad tried to settle everyone down but didn’t end up punishing M because there’s no actual proof that he did it. I got in trouble for throwing the first punch and S is STILL trying to convince my dad to send me somewhere else.
Both A and M keep telling me that I ruined their family by coming here but I didn’t really have a choice. I know I shouldn’t have hit M but I was so mad and didn’t think.
I know I shouldn’t have escalated anything but am I really the one at fault here? I don’t know how I’m supposed to live with M anymore.
TL;DR my half-brother destroyed things from my deceased mom and I’m being blamed for the blow up that happened afterwards
---------------------------------------
**Relevant Comments by OP:**
_Q: Had you met your dad before this? Had you met his family?_
A: It’s been about two and a half months [since mom died] and it was really sudden. My mom and I were really close and I think I’ve seen my dad twice before I had to go live with him, and not for almost a decade.
From what I’ve figured out, S knew about the affair but didn’t know about me until my mom died. A &amp; M didn’t know about the affair at all. They’re mad at me for existing but they’re also really upset with my dad, for good reason.
_Q: Can you stay with your mom's family? A family friend?_
A: It’s just my grandparents on my mom’s side and they basically disowned her because my dad was married to his wife when my mom got pregnant. They’re very religious and I haven’t had any contact with them since I was born. They didn’t even come to her funeral
I don’t have any family on my mom’s side that can take me in and my dad lives in a different country than my mom and I lived in before so we’re not close to anyone I used to know
&nbsp;
[**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/q3xzf2/should_i_move_out_how_do_i_even_ask/) _- October 8, 2021_
So Ive posted about this in here before but things have gotten worse and I feel like I don’t know how to navigate it.
(TL;DR of my first post: I’m an affair baby, my dad’s wife and two kids hate me for it, and a few months ago, my half-brother destroyed all the pictures I had of my mom)
It’s been about six months since I(16M) had to move in with my dad (47M) and his family after my mom died and I still feel like his wife and my half-siblings despise me just for being there. The issue of my mom’s pictures getting destroyed turned what was already a shitty situation into something that is just killing me.
I ended up sleeping on the couch for almost two months because I couldn’t stand the sight of my half brother M (18M) after what he did to my stuff and started carrying a backpack around the house with anything personal that I had brought from my mom’s apartment wherever I went so nothing else could be damaged. M ended up apologizing to me but it seemed more of a show for my dad than an actual apology to me.
My dad’s wife S (48F)and my half-sister A (now 15F) still barely acknowledge me and still almost exclusively use French in the house, which I’m only now starting to pick up words and conversation for. I’ve always felt like a stranger in this house and, while I understand why they don’t want me around, I don’t know what I can do to try and make things work.
The worst of it came three weeks ago when I lost my keys to the house and got stuck out in the rain after I came home. I tried calling my dad but he didn’t pick up and I rang the doorbell as many times as I could because I saw S’s car outside the house so I knew she was home. There isn’t much close by us so I couldn’t walk anywhere to wait. By the time my dad got home an hour and a half later, I was soaked and cold and, when we got inside, S just said that she was on a call and couldn’t hear the doorbell ringing. I couldn’t even talk to her and just went upstairs and cried in the bathroom before going to bed. My dad apologized later for not seeing my message sooner but that’s not really the issue here.
I feel sick living here and can barely eat or sleep half the time. My grades are tanking and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. I miss my mom and everyone is pretending like she never existed and I have to basically do the same thing so nobody at home gets mad at me.
The main issue is—a week ago, my dad’s best friend and his husband (who I’ve met a couple times and stayed with the first couple nights after I reconnected with my dad while he was trying to figure out how to bring me home) heard about me being locked out of the house and asked if I wanted to come stay with them for a while. I want to say yes so bad because anywhere has to be better than where I’m staying now. But I know it’s going to cause issues with my dad because he ruined his entire relationship with his family to be able to bring me home so I wouldn’t have to go into foster care, and it’s going to seem incredibly ungrateful. I know my dad’s trying, he really is, but I don’t know what I’m going to do if I have to keep living in his house until I turn 18.
How do I broach the subject with him? Is trying to move out even worth it at this point or should I just toughen up and deal with it for the next year and a half?
TL;DR my living situation sucks and my dad’s friends offered to let me move in but I don’t want to seem ungrateful for everything he’s sacrificed for me.
----------------------
**Relevant Comments by OP:**
_Q: Is your dad really just standing by &and letting you take the heat for him?_
A: There was definitely a lot of tension between my dad, A, and S, but that seems to have mostly gone away after the first couple months. M seems still pissed at him, but it kind of feels like they just turned all that anger on me.
I’ve tried talking to my dad about it, at least a little, but there aren’t a lot of times where it’s just the two of us and I don’t feel comfortable saying anything in front of everyone else. Nobody really does anything to me in front of my dad (except the language thing which he does try and stop every time he catches it) but M and S usually just do things behind his back to hurt me and I think my dad doesn’t want to believe that his wife and kids are capable of treating me like that
&nbsp;
[**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/q9zzbs/update_should_i_move_out/) _- October 17, 2021_
It’s been about a week since I talked to my dad and I’ve had a couple people message about an update, so I figured I’d give one.
For those who didn’t see my original post, I (16M) had to move in with my dad (47M) and his family after my mom died and things have been extremely strained—the worst incidences being my half-brother ripping pics of my mom up and my dad’s wife leaving me locked out of the house—so I was given the offer to move out by my dad’s friend and his husband (Both 30’s M).
I followed a couple peoples’ suggestion and texted my dad’s friend that I wanted to leave and they ended up suggesting we all go out to lunch. I think they could both tell how nervous I was around my dad and my dad’s friend J ended up being the one to bring up the idea of me moving out. My dad seemed completely blindsided by it and asked why I wanted to move out. J and his husband B reminded him about everything that’s been going on at home and I just kind of sat there.
My dad seemed really upset and it made me feel terrible because I already felt guilty about leaving, but then he just asked if I really wanted to go. I said yes and he just immediately agreed.
It kind of hit me that I wanted him to try and fight for me, to say sorry for everything that he’s been letting happen, and for my dad to try and keep me at home but he just let me go like it was nothing. It’s been hard after my mom died and my dad’s the only family I’ve got left, so it really didn’t make me feel any better about leaving, even though I don’t have to deal with my dad’s family anymore.
B took me back to their apartment while J went with my dad to get my stuff from the house, and they had set up their extra room for me already. He apologized that they hadn’t been able to do this sooner and that they hoped I would like living with them. J came back with all of my things and they kind of gave me time to decompress. I ended up sleeping for almost sixteen hours because I was so exhausted.
Over the last week, they’ve been really nice about making me feel at home and have talked to me about getting me into therapy to deal with losing my mom and everything that happened at my dad’s house. They’re also trying to figure out how to move me into a different school so I don’t have to deal with my half-sister and everyone that knew my half-brother. It’s the first time in months that I feel like I can actually breathe and I don’t feel like I’m constantly on guard. My dad hasn’t texted me much or reached out in the last week so I don’t know what’s going to happen with him but, for now, I’m safe I guess.
So that’s what’s happened so far. Thanks for everyone that gave me advice and wished me well. It’s been really hard lately and it made me feel less alone.
TL;DR: I managed to get out of my toxic living situation, moved in with my dad’s best friend and his husband, and things are going okay, even if I’m still having a hard time
&nbsp;
[**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Overall-Lack-2179/comments/t2rfph/update/) _- February 28, 2022_
Hey everyone, I know it’s been a while since I made my update post about moving out of my dad’s house and a lot of people have been asking for another update so I figured I would give one last update.
Things have been relatively quiet since I moved out. I transferred schools and started therapy a few months ago. J and B have been really kind about giving me space to grieve my mom and I don’t feel like I have to hide all of her stuff anymore. I managed to get a couple of the pictures digitally repaired thanks to someone reaching out to me on here and, while it’s not the same, at least it’s something.
Family wise, it’s still hard. After my post blew up, it ended up reaching A, my half sister. She said she had read all the comments and started feeling bad about everything that her mom and brother did. She ended up apologizing for what she had done and understood if I didn’t want to forgive her. We texted for a while about all of it and we’ve been in an okay place since that talk. I still haven’t heard anything from M and S, but I didn’t really expect to either.
My dad has come over to J and B’s apartment to see me a few times and we go to lunch about once a month, but other than that, I haven’t really seen him much.
J did tell me that about three weeks ago, my dad moved out of the house and got his own apartment. From what it sounds like, he and S aren’t separating yet but he’s giving her space. I tried texting him about it but never got a response.
Things are okay now, even though it’s getting close to a year since my mom died, which will probably hard when it happens. Thanks for everyone that messaged me or commented, I’m sorry I didn’t respond to everyone but the response was a little overwhelming. | 8,027 | 2022-10-17T20:26:12 | My family is blaming me for a fight after my half-brother destroyed pictures of my mom | NEW UPDATE | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6lnnm/my_family_is_blaming_me_for_a_fight_after_my/ | false | false | [
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y6lozh | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T20:27:38 | Is this cheating? I need advice | ONGOING | YardAdministrative63 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6lozh/is_this_cheating_i_need_advice/ | false | false | [
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y6mo6e | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T21:04:30 | You want me to wear this ridiculous shirt? Twice? You got it, boss! | ONGOING | storywards | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6mo6e/you_want_me_to_wear_this_ridiculous_shirt_twice/ | false | false | [
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y6ne9b | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T21:32:32 | My (31M) girlfriend (25F) admitted that I'm not the "man of her dreams" and I feel broken | ONGOING | et-regina | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6ne9b/my_31m_girlfriend_25f_admitted_that_im_not_the/ | false | false | [
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y6near | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted] in r/trueoffmychest**
trigger warning: >!abuse!<
mood spoiler: >!sad but hopeful!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My boyfriend wants me to stay obese even though I'm dying**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xgkyql/my_boyfriend_wants_me_to_stay_obese_even_though/) - 17 September 2022
I'm 25, 160kg (352lbs) and my body is falling apart. Although I am still mobile my knees hurt, I can't walk fast, standing for long periods of time is hard. I often get dizzy and I have had seizures, heart issues, blood pressure issues, I have sleep apnoea, PCOS, fatty liver disease and more. My doctor said if I keep this up I won't make it to 30.
I met my boyfriend a few years ago when I was about 130kg. I felt really ugly at the time and he made me feel loved. He would tell me how beautiful I am, he wouldn't make me feel ashamed of my body and he would cook me food and bring me treats when he got home from work. I have tried dieting unsuccessfully over the years we have been together and he has always been really supportive of me but this time it's different.
Last year I got health insurance because I made the decision to get bariatric surgery. I am so ready for this surgery. My mum just had it and has lost 60kg. I need to lose this weight or I will die and I don't want that to happen. I have scheduled it for the beginning of next year and I meet my surgeon next month and to prepare I've been cutting back on all the crap I eat. I know it's not much but I've just been trying to cook my own meals, keep away from sugar and manage my portion sizes.
My boyfriend is not happy. As we near the date he is getting worse and worse. He is very irritable and he keeps trying to get me to eat junk. He keeps bringing home sweets and chips for me to eat and when I refuse he says I'm not fun anymore. He keeps saying "I've changed" and after my surgery I will be different and he won't like me. But I am not getting surgery to keep his attention I'm getting surgery for myself. I've spent my whole life hating myself I deserve to feel healthy and look healthy. But he won't listen and keeps insisting he makes dinner or I try something he brought home. I don't want to eat this food anymore or drink Coke and alcohol or go out and eat mcdonalds.
At this point I think he wants me to die. He would rather I be dead than healthy. When I have talked to friends and family they just dismiss me and say he is scared I will think I am too good for him when I lose weight but it feels like it's more than that. He says it's because I am perfect as I am but it's not that either.
**Update:**
so today we were going to see my mother while we were there he ordered a huge amount if food from a Korean chicken place I used to love. There were only 3 of us there and my mum can't eat anymore than a small side plate so idk why he ordered enough to feed the whole country. It cost him $180 for things I refused to eat and my mother couldn't even if she tried. She was so embarrassed as she is very polite and finds it rude to refuse food because of our culture. It's especially rude to refuse food someone had gone through the trouble of bringing to your house! This is just ridiculous now. We have just left and I am about to tell him to pack his things. He won't be staying another day in my house. How dare he embarrass my mother like that. Not looking forward to this argument.
**Update 2:**
he is gone! And I am ok. I thought I would he sad but I'm surprised about how happy I feel. Maybe it's because the minute I kicked him out my brother came over to make sure he doesn't come back. My brother said he will stay with me for the week to make sure I'm safe. boyfriend did not take this well. He started with begging then turned to insulting me telling me how I will never do better than him. Lastly he tried to take my dog but luckily I have gravity on my side and he is a twig so he stood no chance. 😁 I'm excited to start my journey to better myself. This was the first and best step I could have taken.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 7,305 | 2022-10-17T21:32:35 | My boyfriend wants me to stay obese even though I'm dying | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6near/my_boyfriend_wants_me_to_stay_obese_even_though/ | false | false | [
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y6o0w3 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/abcanonxyzanon in r/legaladvice**
*This was previously posted here a year ago.*
trigger warning: >!sexual harassment!<
mood spoiler: >!hopeful!<
---
&nbsp;
[**(MA) Made a terrible mistake and I may lose everything. Coworker suing me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a1krwx/ma_made_a_terrible_mistake_and_i_may_lose/) - 29 November 2018
Using anon account to protect myself. I am in the Medical field and I got close to another coworker who is not in the same field but also a Medical professional (below me).
We went out for drinks as a group and I thought we hit it off. Went home with her and we had sex. She immediately regretted it and left. Her Excuse was ' you dont shit where you eat'
Saw her at work, we spoke a little bit and she said "that can never happen again and we should stop contacting each other" Later I found out she had a boyfriend.
This made me very angry. Did something stupid and said along the lines if you wont sleep with again or cut off contact am telling your guy. (It was a joke)
I have to say I was texting her more than she was replying.
I sent her photos of my self and she said I crossed the line. But read it a sort of joking way. Sent other pics and there was no reply for days.
I went to her floor and she was not there. So I tried calling and texting multiple times with no answer. I finally get a message from her saying she is going to HR and will be speaking to a lawyer. Accusing me of threats and harrassment. Thought she was joking but I got a call from someone saying they are her lawyer.
I have worked so hard to get where I am. I am an international employee on a working Visa and have been to this country for a few years. I am scared and trying to figure out what to do. Please help me, how can I better approach this?
*sorry English is not my first language and am nervously typing this.
&nbsp;
[**(Boston, MA) Update to my last post about Hospital coworker suing me for sexual harassment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a3tz6k/boston_ma_update_to_my_last_post_about_hospital/) - 6 December 2018
I want to take this opportunity to apologize to anyone I may have offended by my post last week. I read every comment(was too shocked and embarrassed by my ignorance to reply) I get it. I was very wrong. Although I dont think I deserved the death threats in my messages.
When I got a letter from her attorney I wrote back apologizing for the disrespect and my rude messages. What I thought was a joke, was not funny. My friends although supportive, called me out on my harrassment. I am a Medical professional and should have known better.
I wont blame it on my culture( I am from Indian/Pakistan). I am in a foreign country and I know I have to abide by the rules.
I was unfortunately suspended(will keep details private to protect myself) but not fired. Moving forward, I have spoken to the women in my family, and i am considering therapy to help better myself. I am willing to show that am working on myself and very sorry for the hurt I caused.
*Biggest mistake was not getting my own lawyer like everyone suggested.
Thanks again and happy holidays to you all.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 8,411 | 2022-10-17T21:57:26 | Made a terrible mistake and I may lose everything. Coworker suing me. | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6o0w3/made_a_terrible_mistake_and_i_may_lose_everything/ | false | false | [
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y6ol21 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-17T22:19:14 | Birth parents are married to each other, have full siblings | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6ol21/birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other_have_full/ | false | false | [
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y6pjly | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Xipos in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**How to help a wife after a bad haircut**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xwavlc/how_to_help_a_wife_after_a_bad_haircut/) - 5 October 2022
I'll keep this brief. Me (28M) My wife (24F) married for 5 years.
TLDR: wife is very unhappy with her haircut and I want to help her any way I can.
My wife went to get a haircut yesterday and there must have been a misunderstanding between the stylist and my wife because the haircut my wife got was not at all what she was wanting or hoped for.
I know I can't make her hair magically grow back but do you guys have any tips on how I could help her along?
I have been super supportive, telling her that I genuinely like the haircut (which I do) and sympathizing with her when she expressed disappointment and frustration.
I just really want her to feel confident and beautiful, the same way I see her.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE how to help my wife after a bad haircut**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xz2nre/update_how_to_help_my_wife_after_a_bad_haircut/) - 8 October 2022
So I posted a few days ago about my wife receiving a bad haircut from a new stylist she was going to and I reached out and asked you guys for any ideas in order to help. All of you guys were awesome in giving me ideas and while my wife still isn't happy with her haircut we have made a plan for her hair that she is actually excited about.
So what I did was I called her old stylist (she became a color specialist and stopped doing haircuts) and explained the situation and said I wanted to see about getting my wife's hair colored and what kind of price we could work out because money has been super tight this year.
Well I showed my wife the texts with her old stylist and she is going to schedule a consultation to get some ideas and pricing and we've been talking about new fun hair colors for her to experiment with and try all day. She's genuinely hopeful and exited about this new change to her hair and i am thrilled to see her happy again.
Thank you guys again for all the encouragement and ideas. You were all a huge help in giving me inspiration to put this together
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 3,660 | 2022-10-17T22:58:55 | How to help a wife after a bad haircut | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6pjly/how_to_help_a_wife_after_a_bad_haircut/ | false | false | [
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y6pzu5 | I am not OP; that would be [u/throwrahistorical](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwrahistorical/)
This post was trending on the top of r/ relationships' before being removed by the moderators
Trigger warning: >!sexual abuse, potential pedophilia !<
Mood spoiler: >!sad and frustrating !<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xjvc0w/myf23_cousin_opened_up_about_a_purity_support/) \- 9/20/22
I'm writing this here because my fiance(m24) and I really need help. I'm babysitting my cousin (Justin) while his parents are out of town for their anniversary, and he opened up to me about things that has my fiance (John) and I troubled. He will be with us until Thursday night, and I'm writing this because we're pressed for time
For context, Justin's parents are pentecostal Christians, and they recently introduced him to a purity program their church was offering. Justin said he attended a preteens class that encouraged parents to be a part of it. It talked about how to look away when girls "dressed inappropriately", and the boys were separated from the girls in groups. His group had a male and female instructor, and he said they also talked about how certain body parts change too. But the thing that caught my eye the most was the parents' involvement with it. Parents were present in the group, and Justin said they talked about "working together" with parents to help achieve purity
Justin told me that his parents took a photo of his bed after he had a wet dream, and he was also yelled at and accused of masturbating. He said it wasn't the first time they took a picture, but they told others parents about it and the youth pastor who talked to him too. He also heard his mother talking about it on the phone with another parent from the support group from the program, and my fiance and I think it is a huge invasion of privacy (we are not religious). He also said his parents texted the picture to other parents, and that is what made us livid. My parents attend the same church as them, and there are a few church people who were coming to the wedding including some leaders too
We are considering uninviting everyone from that church including my parents if they are okay with this program (we plan to talk to them, but are debating the best way to), but my priority is helping Justin while we have him in our care. My fiance suggested getting authorities involved as soon as tomorrow, but I want to ask for additional advice on how to handle this. Justin is really embarrassed and really struggled to tell me, and the wedding is not our current priority. My parents are helping pay for the wedding, but I couldn't care less about that too. I just wanted to post here to hopefully get advice on what we should do while we have him in our care before his parents return
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrahistorical/comments/xrusww/update_myf23_cousin_opened_up_about_a_purity/) \- 9/29/22
When I wrote my first post, we had two days left with Justin, and my husband asked his parents for advice on it too. Something a few people commented that I didn't think of was how confronting the parents about it could backfire and erase us as a potential outlet/safe place for him. Someone also said that his parents could take it out on him too. Another recommended talking to him and telling him that his feelings were valid. That there was nothing wrong with anything he did and that parents often make mistakes too. I talked to him again and tried to explain that, and I told him they were wrong to send pictures and that he wasn't wrong for feeling embarrassed
I mentioned that my husband was considering getting authorities involved. But something Justin told me when we talked again made him reach out to CPS as well as the police too. Justin told us that he saw a picture of another kid's privates in the group chat that involved other parents, and that made my husband believe that this whole group was extremely dangerous for all of the kids involved. I made sure to ask if he was certain about what he saw, and he said he was. He also said there were other photos in the chat but only one like that. His parents picked him up, and we didn't confront them because we didn't want to lose our connection to him
We still made the report and tried to do it anonymously, and we're also considering how to go about uninviting a few of my parents' friends (who attend the church and are leaders) from our wedding. We're just considering the best way to go about it, and my parents are leaders too. We just believe that it's extremely dangerous for this support group to exist at all not just because of shaming, but because of the potential of encouraging predatory behavior under the guise of purity. Honest, my husband and I are considering canceling the wedding entirely and just getting married on our own with a few friends instead of confronting my parents/their friends about this | 3,124 | 2022-10-17T23:17:25 | OOP's(f23) cousin(m13) opened up about his church's "purity support group" that sends sensitive photos to a parents group chat | ONGOING | ThrowRA3837374 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6pzu5/oopsf23_cousinm13_opened_up_about_his_churchs/ | false | false | [
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y6rldg | [removed] | 5 | 2022-10-18T00:28:23 | My husband was killed in a car accident recently and I have found out we are tens of thousands of dollars in debt. | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6rldg/my_husband_was_killed_in_a_car_accident_recently/ | false | false | [
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y6rscf | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/SuddenSurrender on r/legaladvice.
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9rfvil/ohiomy_husband_was_killed_in_a_car_accident) _- October 26, 2018_
Forgive me if this is a little disjointed, I am still reeling from trying to wrap my head around my current situation. My husband passed away very suddenly recently and in the weeks since his passing I have discovered that he was keeping huge secrets from me.
In going through our financial information, I have discovered multiple credit cards in his, mine and the kids names that are at maximum balance, 2 sets of loan papers from different banks for over $20,000, paperwork that says our mortgage is 4 months behind and a ton of other things that I can barely make sense of. From what I can tell, his business hasn't been making any actual money in over a year and our savings accounts are drained. There is evidence that he has been using some gambling website and has lost thousands and thousands of dollars. I've been a stay at home mom for our entire marriage and he owned his own business so he handled everything with the money.
I have no idea how to deal with any of this or what to do. I know I need a lawyer but our accounts are pretty much empty and I am at a total loss over what to do. Are there any free legal options I can look into? I have tried to call a bunch of lawyers and all of them have said they won't give out any advice or counsel over the phone. Am I liable for all this debt even though I didn't consent to my name and certainly not my kids' names being used to open credit cards? I feel like an idiot for being this uninformed but I am completely unprepared to deal with this and I am terrified we are going to lose our house and worse. I never in a million years dreamed he would do this to us. Can anyone point me in the right direction please?
&nbsp;
[**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9vvejz/update_post_husband_killed_in_a_car_crash_left_us/) _- November 11, 2018_
I wanted to give you an update since so many people gave advice and said such kind things.
First of all, thank you to everyone who commented and gave me advice. I'm sorry I didn't respond on the other post, I was just so completely overwhelmed, I still am really, but I did read every comment and message and I appreciate everyone that took the time to comment.
I was able to find some legal help and we are working on sorting out the mess my family is in. Things were far worse than I even knew when I made my first post. All together, the debt that was accumulated is close to half a million dollars. At this point I have no idea how much I am going to end up responsible for. The lawyer has said it could take years to sort everything out.
No matter what happens, we are going to be losing the house. I am working on finding us somewhere to stay before they actually foreclose so we don't get evicted and have that on my record too.
I want to try to answer some of the questions and advice people mentioned in the other post.
I have 3 kids, so that is the we that I keep saying. The older two are from a previous relationship but I have contacted social security to get benefits started for my youngest. Thank you to the user who mentioned that.
My husband's business was a computer/tech repair company he ran by himself. He had a few people he would call in to help with larger jobs but 95% of everything was him alone. The last year or so it appears he wasn't doing any actual work and there was no money coming in. He took money from the business to cover what he took from our personal accounts and then took out loans to cover the business and pissed it all away on gambling and other illegal activities that have come to light over the past few weeks. Sorry to be vague, it's just embarrassing and hard to talk about.
To the people who said that maybe the crash was intentional, it is looking increasingly likely that it was. Nobody else was involved, his car went off the road and hit a tree. He had life insurance before, but he stopped paying the policy months ago.
I am in contact with the police about the credit cards in our names and the other things that were discovered.
All in all, things are looking really bleak at the moment but I have faith that eventually it will work out. I have a few leads on jobs and have picked up a little temp work here and there the last few weeks so that we have something coming in. I have signed up for food stamps and Medicaid so once that goes through it will be a bit of help. I applied for AMHA as well but they said the waitlist can be a few years wait so that is a kind of longshot. Someone has suggested asking family/friends for help or loans and they absolutely would help me if they could but none of them are in a financial position to be able to help. My sister will hopefully be able to let us stay with her temporarily until I can sort things out and get us back together. She is my only living family and has been my rock through all this.
So yeah, I guess that's it. Thank you all again for listening and helping. If anyone else has any more suggestions on trying to pick up the pieces that I haven't thought of, I would appreciate any advice
&nbsp;
[**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9zulbq/update_final_update_to_my_husband_commiting/) _- November 24, 2018_
This will probably be my last update, I hope at least.
First of all, sorting things out didn't take nearly as long as we thought it would. Things ended up being a lot more straightforward than they first appeared. I will be filing for bankruptcy, probably early next year. I've talked extensively with the lawyer and weighed my options and that seems like the best way to move forward at this point. 90%-95% of the debt should be discharged with bankruptcy. So that is a good thing although it's bittersweet.
We are losing the house. We will be moving out by November 30th. I am worried about the bankruptcy/credit issues with trying to rent an apartment, however I am now on the list for pmha housing and from what I've heard the wait isn't long at all. We ended up not being able to count on staying with my sister for longer than about a week thanks to her jerky landlord, so I am trying to find something else in the meantime. I have a few options to look into. Honestly I'm not that sad about the fact that we have to move out of the house. The old place is filled with tainted memories now and I think it will be good to get a fresh start.
I've been assured by the police and my lawyer that because of the criminal nature of opening the accounts in the kids' names we should be able to get their credit cleared. That one might be a long road but we'll get through that too.
My applications for Medicaid and food stamps came through so that is some definite stress off my shoulders. I made the girls and myself an appointment at a family counselor which we will be going to next week. The lady at pmha housing was very reassuring and very sweet about my situation and she made it sound like I was pretty much a shoo-in as soon as a place opened up.
Last but not least I listened to the many redditors that told me to make a post over in r/santaslittlehelpers to inquire about help with Christmas for the girls. So hopefully we will be able to find some holiday help and that will be another huge load of stress lifted off my shoulders.
I want to thank everyone who messaged me and offered words of encouragement and support. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me to know that I'm not alone. I never imagined Reddit to be an empathetic and caring source of comfort but it turns out that is exactly what it is. Thanks again everyone.
&nbsp;
[**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a3s7ja/updateone_last_update_to_my_husband_committing/) _- December 7, 2018_
Hello everyone. I wanted to give one last update to my situation since so many of you reached out to me.
This has been a whirlwind few weeks. A lot of change, a lot of stress and a lot of hard work. As difficult as all this has been and will still be to go through, I am feeling more positive than I have in months. The legal issues are being dealt with as best they can for the moment and we are looking at filing bankruptcy early next year. It is scary to think about, but I do know it is our best option and things will work out in the end. We moved out of our house almost a week ago. It feels very bittersweet and the girls are having a difficult time but I know they will adjust and I really do think a fresh start will be the best thing for us. The girls are in individual grief counseling and we began family therapy. I will be making an appointment for myself as well, something so many of you encouraged me to do.
Some of my good news now. We were able to find a permanent place to live, with a very sweet landlord who is sympathetic to my situation and has previous experience with the welfare system AND has bent over backwards to help me through all of the red tape. We will be moving, (again!), into the new place at the end of this month. Hopefully that will be the last time we have to move for a very long time!
My second huge piece of good news to update with is that I got a job! I am now working full time in an office of a company that is owned by someone I met through my posts here. She contacted me after my last update and offered me a trial run with her company. I started this past Monday and so far, so good! I am incredibly humbled and grateful to her for giving me a chance. That brings me to my third point and really the reason I am making this update.
I wasn't sure what to expect when I first reached out for advice here. I just felt so overwhelmed with the situation and I think I was just mostly wanting to not feel alone and to connect with and talk to people who had some understanding of what I was dealing with. The response I got from all of you has been astonishing. The advice, the stories of dealing with similar circumstances, the encouraging messages, the fact that you all literally [saved Christmas for me and my kids](https://imgur.com/uwSkbin), A NEW FREAKING JOB, and just the empathy and kindness you all have shown to me and my family is so far beyond anything I expected that I don't even know the words to express how grateful and humbled and loved it has made me feel. It is going to be a long, tough road, but I have total faith that things will be okay and that is in large part due to the r/legaladvice community.
So in closing, I want to say THANK YOU to every single person who reached out to me in any way, shape or form. Thank you for lifting us up and helping us through this. You guys have saved me in a million different ways and I will always be grateful. I hope you all have the Merriest Christmas ever! | 19,172 | 2022-10-18T00:37:12 | My husband was killed in a car accident and I have found out we are tens of thousands of dollars in debt. | REPOST | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6rscf/my_husband_was_killed_in_a_car_accident_and_i/ | false | false | [
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y6uyrm | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T03:02:47 | 2nd update: AITA for refusing to to my daughter graduation ceremony. | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6uyrm/2nd_update_aita_for_refusing_to_to_my_daughter/ | false | false | [
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y6wfql | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T04:13:47 | OOP gets nephew expelled from school. Family reacts poorly. | CONCLUDED | Ser_Dunk_the_tall | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y6wfql/oop_gets_nephew_expelled_from_school_family/ | false | false | [
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y735qr | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T10:23:39 | Friends or more than friends | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y735qr/friends_or_more_than_friends/ | false | false | [
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y75d5x | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T12:11:13 | Wife Finds Husbands Secret Apartment, Sends Friend to Investigate | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y75d5x/wife_finds_husbands_secret_apartment_sends_friend/ | false | false | [
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y77ihr | [deleted] | 4,204 | 2022-10-18T13:45:59 | my boyfriend broke up with me over his GBF (girl best friend) | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y77ihr/my_boyfriend_broke_up_with_me_over_his_gbf_girl/ | false | false | [
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y78iqw | [deleted] | 3,801 | 2022-10-18T14:25:42 | Best friend never disclosed he was FWB with the girl he set me up with. I am horrified. It's been six months. Things between GF and I are pretty serious and now I feel gross. | INCONCLUSIVE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y78iqw/best_friend_never_disclosed_he_was_fwb_with_the/ | false | false | [
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y7b9f7 | I am oop. I saw my post and update here posted and since AITA only allows 1 update I thought I would post here.
Warning: >!Attempted SA!<
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xff2xy/aita_for_getting_a_makeover_to_mess_with_my_bil/) Sep 16th 2022
I (20m) to put it bluntly look like a girl. Definitely a flat chested one but still. I guess Im just unlucky in the genetics department. Most people think I'm just a tomboy but still, it gets a bit annoying people thinking I'm a girl. Im pretty comfortable with myself now but I did use to get bullied a lot for it and can be a bit sensitive about it.
My sisters (26f) husband (30m) is always making jokes about it. Ive told him to stop but he never does since its all "just jokes". Ive gotten sick of it and wanted to get him back instead of being my usual timid self not saying anything. I went out of my way to get some friends and younger sister to give me a make over a little before they were to come over. Basically make me look as girly as possible. They did a pretty good job and turns out if Im all made up I look a lot like a younger version of my older sister.
When they came over I made sure to act as girly as possible. He was visibly very uncomfortable so I was definitely winning this one. They left very early and I got a text from my sister calling me an asshole for making her husband uncomfortable. She told a few family members but most are on my side but a few think what i did was childish and in asshole territory. AITA
Edit: Fuck off to anyone using Reddit Care Resources to be bigots. No one likes you.
Edit 2: Got a text from my sister that Im a giant piece of shit and ruining her marriage. I don't think I will be seeing them anytime soon but just in case I'm going to try and have a proper conversation with my parents about everything and see if we can not have them in the house for a while. Since I only pay rent to live with them I don't really get a say but i hope my parents can support me.
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xk3wgp/update_aita_for_getting_a_makeover_to_mess_with/) Sep 21 2022
Thank you everyone for all the feed back, positivity, acceptance and some laughs from some comments. Its been a wild few days. I had a sit down with my parents and had a big talk about my feelings. They agreed that my sisters husband wouldn't be welcome in the house anymore, the only reason they didn't do or say anything about it is because they thought it didn't bother me and know I'm a tough cookie. They apologised for that and said they would speak out more in the future if anything like this happens again.
My older sister had been texting me a lot calling me all sorts of names saying I'm ruining her marriage. She also visited yesterday and as soon as she came into the house she started screaming at me and things got heated. So my parents also banned her from coming over till she can apologies for her behaviour and letting her husband continue to make me uncomfortable.
On a more positive note Ive been exploring myself a lot these couple days with my TWIN sister (she told me to not call her my younger sister, but we are a day apart so ill always call her my younger sister lol. Its all in good fun). She helped me a lot with clothes and make up, even experimenting with what pronouns I like. I think I may be trans but theres still a lot of exploring to do.
I hope its a worthwhile update for some of you. Its not to exiting or drama filled but things are working out and its at least an exiting time for me even with some of the negativity. I do have to say tho, Thank you so much BIL. I wouldn't of explored my identity without you :)
Edit: Some people are taking the little sister comment a little to seriously. My sister is fine with it, she read the post before being posted and we had a giggle about it. My relationship with my twin sister is a lot more different than my relationship with my BIL.
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAMakeOver/comments/xzs3i7/update_2_aita_for_getting_a_makeover_to_mess_with/) Oct 10th 2022
Everything has been quiet from my older sister and BIL. Me and my other sisters have been having a blast helping me explore my identity. I even went out clubbing with them dressed up and it was so fun. Ive been going by she/her since my last update and by a different name to see how it feels and its felt right, but who knows maybe I like those pronouns and might not be trans. Either way exploring takes a while Im learning and you can always discover more about yourself.
On a less positive note my BIL and sister being quiet and not seeing them came to a quick end last night. BIL came to the house drunk mumbling things about how I ruined his marriage, calling me names and other bs. He went to the side of the house and entered through the back door that we never lock. It was very scary in the moment. He came after me and tried to push my head into his crotch and when that didn't work he tried pulling my pants down and push me to the ground. Thankfully my sister was there to pull him off and threaten him with a kitchen knife. He left right away and we called the police and my parents who were out at the time. My parents came straight away but police didn't show up till 2 hours later to basically just say they cant do anything and that if we want we can go to the court house for a restraining order.
My parents tried calling and texting my sister to tell her what happened and why he did what he did but all she texted back was "Fuck off". Im very shaken up right now but Im not going to let it get to me, my parents are going to get me a phycologist so that I can talk about this and other problems I feel and maybe also help me explore my identity a bit. Im sorry this wasn't a more positive update than my previous one but I always appreciate the support of everyone on reddit even if there are a few assholes <3 | 14,822 | 2022-10-18T16:11:58 | AITA for getting a makeover to mess with my BIL? | NEW UPDATE | ThrowRAMakeOver | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7b9f7/aita_for_getting_a_makeover_to_mess_with_my_bil/ | false | false | [
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y7bm8l | [deleted] | 26 | 2022-10-18T16:25:32 | I found out my partner has been putting slugs in my food, I dont know how to forgive him. | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7bm8l/i_found_out_my_partner_has_been_putting_slugs_in/ | false | false | [
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y7byp1 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T16:38:46 | Neighbors child has disabilities and won't stop climbing the fence, entering my house and "freeing" my dogs | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7byp1/neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont_stop/ | false | false | [
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y7c1i9 | Saw there was an update to the original story on AITA! I sincerely wish OOP the best. They've worked so hard.
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Soft-You9949](https://www.reddit.com/user/Soft-You9949/). The original post and update were posted in r/AITA. (I did correct a few spelling errors for readability, but everything else is the same!) I marked it as concluded since this chapter seems to be over.
Mood Spoiler: >!Decent ending for OOP!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xd9g6z/aita_for_wanting_to_be_away_from_my_twin_sister/) **(September 13, 2022)**
So this is a throwaway account because my siblings are here too English isn't my native language so there might be some mistakes, sorry about that
So I (17F) have two older brothers (19,21) and a twin sister, i should mention that my family is pretty affluent. Ever since I remember myself my parents encouraged me and my twin to compete each other while they always favored her over me. she always had their support and I was expected to be considerate, when I succeed on something more than she does they ask me to give it up but they never asked this from her, I do love her and my parents even though I feel like I've been treated unfairly.
both of us aspire to be doctors for a long time. I studied really hard for it for a long time, so did she. this year we graduated and both of us applied for the same programs in the same universities (the process here is quite different than it is in the US, we can start med school right after high-school if we get accepted). she wants to go to the same university as I do and so does my parents, I'm on the other hand feel like going on my own and have a separate life from my sisters. I love her so much but we've been together my entire life, she's an introvert while I'm an extrovert so she followed me around most of the time, I always included her and made sure she's happy but it's been like this our entire lives and I'm honestly tired, not to mention that if we go to the same place I would be expected to study with her and help her get high grades and won't be able to study on my own and focus on my success, and my parents will be mad if I succeed more than her (its been like this for the past 12 years) which will eventually hurt me, I just want to finally be a person of my own.
This is where I might be the asshole. I got accepted to 4 different universities and she got into 2. I waited for her to decide where she want to go and than made my decision (like I said, a different place). than she "changed her mind" and said she wants to go to her second option (the one I chose). I said that it's not a problem and I will go to a different place (one she didn't get into). my sister got really offended and my parents are furious, even though I explained myself politely and said that I love her but wanted to get a fresh start where nobody knows me. they demanded that I will go to the same place as my sister or else they won't pay for my degree, than I said whatever and that I'll be fine on my own and left to my grandparents.
When they came to talk to me they just kept on saying how wrong and entitled I am, I really had enough so I told them I hate them for treating me like this, now I'm refusing to talk to them and ignoring their calls. my brothers and grandparents are on my side but everyone else telling me I'm an asshole, so am I?
EDIT: Thank you so much for the support and ideas, I read all your comments and they're all very appreciated. My brother got me everything I thought I need (including my cat). I called the university to ask if my parents can unroll me and they can, however since they never paid it will be difficult for them and the university can try to delay them until my 18 birthday. my grandparents assured to me that they won't let them do something like that but still ints nice to have plan b. School starts on Monday and it looks like it's settled for now. I will update you guys as soon as I have what to say.
p.s - I don't feel lime talking to them right now, it's like all of the anger I held against them is now very substantial (hope I used the right word) and I feel like I need to cool down before deciding what's next (the probably can also use some time off).
**Relevant Comment:**
I think I wrote about it somewhere in the comments. my initial thought was to go to school that's close to home in order to come back on weekends and be able to help my sister out, while still having my own space. After realizing I won't get any space this way I chose the school I'm going to, it's the best in my country and has nice scholarships but the farthest from home out of all the universities I applied to. I guess it doesn't matter now so I said f it and did what I wanted to do
**Update (October 11, 2022)** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1ey1k/update_aita_for_wanting_to_be_away_from_my_twin/)
hey everyone, sorry it took some time but I'm here with an update (had some problems publishing it but it's all good now) reminding that English isn't my native language so there might be some mistakes
so as I (think) I said in the comments, school started two weeks ago and so far it's absolutely amazing, I have great roommates and I love my classes, it's a bit intense but I'm keeping up, it's truly a dream comes true :).
Well some things happened, my parents apparently called my uni and asked for my schedule, from what I understand they said that as my legal guardians they are entitled to know everything about it, the school told them that if they want my details they need to come and prove that they are indeed who they claim to be and informed me about it, it happened just a couple of days after school year started.
they haven't contacted me until a week ago when they asked me to have dinner with them (even offered to drive to where I am, which is strange as they never even bothered to pick me up from friends) and I agreed. It was on Friday, they reserved places in a fancy restaurant nearby. Dinner went surprisingly well (bit awkward but they were nice), then they told me they will pay for my school tuition and everything else I need, but only if I take a gap year. I refused obviously, after arguing with me my dad said that he "had enough of my attitude and ungratefulness", left a two hundred francs bill and left. I'll admit that I sat there crying about half an hour before I left (with the change as the bill and the tip didn't reach 200 francs lol).
If you're asking yourselves what was that about then I did too. I talked to my brother, apparently my sister decided she doesn't want to go to med school, she wants to take a vacation to think about the future with cleared mind or something like that and you guessed it, (almost) everyone think I should go with her (after all we are twins and it will only be fair that we'll start studying at the same time).
there was no contact from my parents ever since but it's kinda OK by me, I got a scholarship and By the end of the semester I might get another one, my grandparents payed for the rest (they insist that I won't pay them back but I'm already working on that). My sister answered my messages yesterday, she told me that I hurt her cause i didn't want to be with her, and she don't know if she can forgive me. I understand her and I do really miss her but I don't want to give up on my dream, I hope she will understand me someday.
So basically I think things are alright by now, not much changed but I have my grandparents and my friends so I'm fine, I'll be completely calm only after my 18 birthday when my parents won't be able to get me out of uni (it's really soon so I'm optimistic).
thank you all for reading and helping me, I really appreciate it <3
EDIT: Thank you all for your comments, I'm on pretty tight schedule so I still haven't done reading but I promise I'll answer to all of them ❤️ --- since some of you got confused over the francs, we use them in Switzerland
**Relevant Comments:**
"I actually don't get it either, but it's been like that ever since we were little. there's nothing wrong with her, we different in some ways and she's more shy and quiet but not in an unusual way. She always kinda tagged along with me and I wasn't allowed to have friends who aren't her friends or go to events by myself, I also helped her study and my parents got upset over me when I got higher grades.. My best guess is that they think she'll struggle to be by herself and that if I do better it will make her insecure, however I can't know for sure"
"I feel like we could have been so much closer of my parent wouldn't push us together all the time, it's a shame honestly In a way I'm glad I can be independent but I feel bad for my sister that she still struggles"
"thank youu❤️ I hope things will continue to be great I want that for my sister too"
*When asked if their parents made them dress alike:*
"Yes every single day in elementary school, I felt so ridiculous and begged them to stop in middle school." | 6,499 | 2022-10-18T16:41:43 | AITA for wanting to be away from my twin sister? | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7c1i9/aita_for_wanting_to_be_away_from_my_twin_sister/ | false | false | [
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y7cz8n | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T17:17:43 | I’m losing my fiancé because I did something against her wish | CONCLUDED | littlefluffybun | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7cz8n/im_losing_my_fiancé_because_i_did_something/ | false | false | [
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y7di5x | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T17:38:07 | OOP is given an ultimatum: his wife or his mother | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7di5x/oop_is_given_an_ultimatum_his_wife_or_his_mother/ | false | false | [
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y7eqyv | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T18:26:03 | The untold secret to blood sugar levels controls in 15 minutes | NEW UPDATE | Unique_Diet_6362 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7eqyv/the_untold_secret_to_blood_sugar_levels_controls/ | false | false | [
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y7gda4 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T19:29:20 | My live in partner has a different virtual life | NEW UPDATE | Grand_Elevator4022 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7gda4/my_live_in_partner_has_a_different_virtual_life/ | false | false | [
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y7hy4r | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T20:30:38 | CONCLUDED: OOP's feminist academic husband asks "what's for dinner?" too often | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7hy4r/concluded_oops_feminist_academic_husband_asks/ | false | false | [
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y7ify5 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T20:49:54 | OOP's son and fiancée fighting for the family jewels. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7ify5/oops_son_and_fiancée_fighting_for_the_family/ | false | false | [
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y7ipzx | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T21:00:18 | I just got an email on my husband’s iPad that the hot water in his apartment building was going to be shut down temporarily for repairs. We own our own house, and have not rented for over a decade. | CONCLUDED | Nervous_Chicken37 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7ipzx/i_just_got_an_email_on_my_husbands_ipad_that_the/ | false | false | [
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y7jysi | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T21:48:22 | If you won't be considerate in the mornings, nor will I. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7jysi/if_you_wont_be_considerate_in_the_mornings_nor/ | false | false | [
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y7k051 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T21:49:56 | I just got an email on my husband’s iPad that the hot water in his apartment building was going to be shut down temporarily for repairs. We own our own house, and have not rented for over a decade. | CONCLUDED | et-regina | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7k051/i_just_got_an_email_on_my_husbands_ipad_that_the/ | false | false | [
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y7kfqq | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T22:07:03 | My friend who has chased married men before may now be into my husband | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7kfqq/my_friend_who_has_chased_married_men_before_may/ | false | false | [
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y7kxyu | [deleted] | 354 | 2022-10-18T22:27:32 | My autistic brother (33M) is in an abusive relationship with his (21F) girlfriend. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7kxyu/my_autistic_brother_33m_is_in_an_abusive/ | false | false | [
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y7lbp0 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T22:43:33 | The guy I'm talking to wants to go to a nudist beach | ONGOING | YouDontHave-ToKnow | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7lbp0/the_guy_im_talking_to_wants_to_go_to_a_nudist/ | false | false | [
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y7lql7 | #[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y16zaw/i_think_my_brother_in_law_cheated_on_my_sister/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) 11OCT22
**SPOILER** >!POSITIVE OUTCOME!< for "I think my brother in law cheated on my sister but I’m not sure"
I’m 27f. I have a sister who is 36f A she’s married to James who is also 36. Early summer we went on vacation to the beach, along with my parents, boyfriend, and my sister and her husbands kids. While we were there a friend of mine from college, Ava (26f) texted me and said she was nearby and asked if I wanted to meet up for a few drinks. I said sure and invited my sister and brother-in-law along with us. My sister wasn’t feeling well but told James to go out and have a few drinks so he came along.
James is normally very quiet and doesn’t talk to many people, he’s just a pretty reserved guy. But him and Ava hit it off right away, when James recognized one of Ava’s tattoos from a really obscure band that turned out was both of their favorites. I heard James talk more to Ava in the floor hours we were there than I’ve heard him say to my boyfriend, ever. At one point I went outside for a minute then came back in, they weren’t at them bar anymore and I didn’t see them for another 45 minutes, but I wasn’t actively looking for them, they claimed they were at the upper bar upstairs.
After that James and Ava added each other on all their socials, they interact with each other more than anyone else (and mind you before this James was NEVER on social, but the minute Ava posts something he’s the first to like or comment on it.
Two months after we saw each other, Ava moved with a new job, to a town about 20 minutes from the town we live in. James, who as far as I know has never had any reason to go there, is now always talking trips there (he claims he “likes the stores there better” than the ones he used to go to in a different town about ten minutes away but he just made this switch recently…about the same time Ava moved.)
Last night Ava announced she’s pregnant. But she has no boyfriend anywhere on her page, she didn’t tag anyone in the post other than her family but she captioned the picture of the announcement WE are so excited to announce the arrival of OUR newest addition May 2023.
I want to message her congratulations and ask who the baby’s father is. I’m not alone for thinking it might be my brother in laws right? I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything but. My boyfriend thinks so too. Btw, I have tried to shared some of these concerns with my sister. She was doing something else for her son, so I don’t think she really was listening to me.. But she’s going through some health stuff with their oldest so I don’t want to push things/stress her out too much if I’m not sure there’s something going on.
**I’m going to talk to my sister again. And tell her the entire situation, and all of my concerns. but I wanted to come on here for some outside advice as well before I did.**
**update** I texted Ava, we’re currently catching up now
**update 2** we’re still texting. I’m at work so it’s not a continuous convo lol. But basically what I’ve gotten so far is that she’s keeping her relationship quiet now for “privacy reasons “, but it is someone I know.
#[FINAL UPDATE!!](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y1mnz7/a_happy_conclusion_my_brother_in_law_is_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) 14hrs later 11OCT22
A happy conclusion— My brother in law is NOT cheating on my sister-Ava is dating his BROTHER!!
SO a very happy conclusion from my [last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y16zaw/i_think_my_brother_in_law_cheated_on_my_sister/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)! I texted Ava and told her congratulations, we began catching up, and when the topic of her baby’s father came up she said that they were in a relationship but she’s keeping it quiet for now for ‘privacy’ reasons but that I did know him. I obviously found this really suspicious and she really wouldn’t say much more than that about him. But we kept talking and eventually I asked her if we could meet up for some tea and she said yes so once I got off my shift I went over and met up with her.
So basically the topic of her baby’s father came up again and she said the reason why she was keeping the relationship quiet on social media and all of that was because not all of his family had met her, and then she mentioned that the father had a ultra religious grandmother and they wanted to tell her about the pregnancy in person and so she didn’t want the grandmother seeing anything on his Facebook.
James’s grandmother is super religious!! SO at this point I straight up asked her-Are you having a baby with James?? And she immediately started laughing. And she was like yeah, I could see why you would think that. BUT SHE ISN’T! She’s dating James’s BROTHER Thomas, who’s 30 and a pretty cool guy. And it’s kind of worth noting that this is another reason why she’s keeping the relationship on the dl-even though he’s been clean for almost a decade (I think it’s 9 years and 6 months) he DID have substance abuse issues and a record, and she said even though she’s fine with it and all of that, Thomas wants her family to meet him first before possibly hearing something that isn’t true about him.)
So anyway yeah! That first night they met James told Ava that he thought her and Thomas would have a lot in common so he gave her his number, and after they hit it off right away and she moved to be closer to him. Now she’s pregnant and they’re getting an apartment together!
My sister knows Thomas and Ava are dating! But again my nephew is going through some health things so it’s not super shocking she didn’t mention it to me, and Ava did say Thomas specifically asked them for discretion about it all until they decided to make everything public.
So I’m really happy it’s cleared up!! Ava and I talked for a while and I’m really tired so if I left anything out or anything didn’t make sense just ask me for clarification!
**AND P.S.!** I told James all about this, he thought it was hilarious that I thought he was slick enough to be able to pull off having a second life like this 😂 | 5,345 | 2022-10-18T23:01:02 | Conclusion to "I think my brother in law cheated on my sister but I’m not sure" | CONCLUDED | ForestOfHandsNTeeth | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7lql7/conclusion_to_i_think_my_brother_in_law_cheated/ | false | false | [
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y7ls64 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/alansmonkeytennis in r/pettyrevenge**
---
&nbsp;
[**If you won't be considerate in the mornings, nor will I.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/y13r5u/if_you_wont_be_considerate_in_the_mornings_nor/) - 11 October 2022
Neither my partner nor I are morning people. So we take it in turns to walk the dog before work in the morning and do the couple of chores that need sorting before we leave.
When I get up, I use a vibrating alarm and immediately head into the main bathroom to get ready, to cause as little disturbance to my partner as possible.
My partner uses loud alarms, ignores them and just lies there until I force him up. He goes in and out of the ensuite that has a mirror hanging on the door, both creating a lot of noise and filling the room with sunlight. He tries to talk to me, throws stuff on the bed, gets ready right there in the room and sits down (heavily) next to me to spray deodorant and brush his hair. He then doesn't do the minimal amount of chores that need doing before we leave. It's annoying as all hell because I make the effort to ensure he gets that extra rest in the morning.
Recently I've had a particularly difficult couple of weeks at work, which has made this behaviour even more frustrating for me. This difficult period at work is an ongoing thing and won't be sorted for several weeks, potentially longer. So I asked him to get ready in the mornings in another room to allow me that extra rest. He got annoyed with me and was rude in his response. Complained about it because his clothes are in the bedroom, I'm not getting up, he's just getting ready etc, etc. When I noted my wardrobe isn't in the main bathroom he said I keep my clothes for the day in there 'for some reason'. I explained it was for his sake and he remained as annoying and rude in his response as he had been previously.
So tomorrow I'm going to set a loud, annoying alarm and I'm going to ignore it. And a second. I'm then going to get ready in the bedroom. I'm going to talk to him, dump all my stuff on the bed, go in and out of the ensuite, spray deodorant, sit down on the bed to brush my hair... I'm going to do everything that he does, exactly as he does it. And I'll do the same again on Friday, when he has the day off and I don't. Because work for me right now is hellish and it would be nice if I could get that little bit of extra rest every other morning. But I don't. Petty? Sure. Satisfying? Absolutely.
**UPDATE**
Okay, so updates.
First of all, I'm sorry I have not replied to everyone, I only expected a few responses, not hundreds. I'll try and respond to more people today, but it's another hellish day at work so I may not have time (for those interested, I'll keep it vague for privacy reasons but essentially some vital equipment has failed at my place of work, meaning I am having to rebook/move hundreds of appointments, some very urgent, many at short notice, with a large majority of people being sent out of their way for replacement appointments. So, I am stressed, taking a lot of verbal abuse and generally feeling very low about it all, it's been very, very difficult on me/my mental health).
Also, a lot of people called my partner things like bellend and said to dump him etc. Yeah, he is being a bellend in this regard, I agree, but I know I can be too, and so can everybody. And if we all dumped each other every time we acted like bellends, nobody would ever be in a long-term relationship. This is one, somewhat minor, thing in a long-term relationship that is, for all its ups and downs, loving and committed. But I will also agree with the many of you that pointed this out - there was/is a lack of respect in his behaviour, and I will address that part later in my update.
A final point about the situation before the update - I was joking about it with a co-worker and discovered that her husband does the same thing. He does shift work and leaves/comes home at all kinds of different hours, depending on his shirt pattern. She is much the same as me, gets ready elsewhere for his sake. Him? Not so much. He once even tried to repair his work trousers when he got in at 3am, in the bedroom, while she was trying to sleep.
Plus, it seems many of you have gone through something similar, so I'm not alone in this shit situation. Also, my partner used to work in the same place as me, so this co-worker knows him, and she very much would tell me if she thought he was enough of a bellend for me to dump!
Anyway... I had my alarms set from the moment I got to work yesterday. I adjusted the volume so it was a high as possible and picked out the most annoying tone I could find. I set them ten minutes apart, as I was of the belief that his alarms were set ten minutes apart. I left my clothes ready in the bedroom the night before and went to bed happy in the knowledge that my partner was about to understand how distributive he really is.
Annoyingly, ten minutes before the first alarm went off my partner woke up anyway, in pain from a sudden/severe cramp. I thought my plan was ruined as he was already up, but I went ahead and let the alarm ring anyways, and thankfully he had dozed off again. As mentioned, I don't usually use an alarm with sound, so it obviously confused him because he went to turn off his own alarm before realising it was mine.
I turned it off and dozed for a bit until the second one rang. I left it to ring for a bit before I eventually turned it off and went into the bathroom - chucking my phone back onto the bed as I went. I made a point of not jerking the door open or rattling the mirror more than it already does. I just opened it and closed it, used the bathroom and came back in to change.
I took a little longer than I usually take to get ready as it was quite dark, and a tight space, but I did pretty much everything he does, apart from the spray deodorant because I really don't use those. Instead I pulled a bottle of perfume from my top shelf, which is where I fucked up, because I have a Friends themed pop-funko style display piece on that shelf that blasts quotes when you bop the characters on the head, and I accidently set off Phoebe *("My eyes, my eyes!")*.
But anyway, other than that I just did what he did. I sprayed my perfume while sat right next to him, got on and off the bed as I pulled on tights, put my boots on, tied my dress etc etc. He didn't say anything, even as I left, and I very much got the sense he knew what I was doing.
I didn't walk the dog when I went down, only because she has hurt her front paw suddenly and needs some rest, so I just spent some time fussing her and the cat instead. It was quite nice, despite me worrying for my dog (she is 13, so sadly nearing the end of her time with us) and quite calming. My partner eventually came down acting smug and offered me '7/10' for my 'performance' and accused me of exaggerating.
I admitted that I didn't mean to see off Phoebe and assured him that I otherwise acted as he does. He noted my alarms were further apart than his and I took longer, so I explained why (again I thought they were ten minutes apart and I took longer due to lack of space/the dark). He still insisted I was exaggerating, so I looked him straight in the eye and assumed him that I wasn't, that I hadn't set off Phoebe on purpose and that I did exactly as he does.
He moaned that he has never asked me to get ready in the other room, so I highlighted that I didn't need to be asked, that I did it out of respect for him and he needs to do the same for me, because right now he gives me none. He was still annoyed, but seems to have gotten the message because he promised me he'll start putting his clothes out ready in another room from tomorrow. Time will tell if he means it, but I think he does.
In the meantime, thank you for all the advice and comments. I didn't expect so much attention from this post, and I appreciate everyone's input.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 5,499 | 2022-10-18T23:02:48 | If you won't be considerate in the mornings, nor will I. | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7ls64/if_you_wont_be_considerate_in_the_mornings_nor/ | false | false | [
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y7ltzf |
**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/tinytearice in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**My friend who has chased married men before may now be into my husband**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/tzt6yh/my_friend_who_has_chased_married_men_before_may/) - 9 April 2022
When my friend first got together with her ex-husband, she was in a serious relationship with her then boyfriend and he was married with kids. Long story short, they both left their relationship and had a shortgun wedding. Three kids later, he left her to move to another state (surprise!).
The ex-boyfriend she cheated on is now married and guess what? One day she saw him online, so she texted to me and said maybe it's a sign from the universe that she should talk to him. She asked me if he is happy in his marriage. I told her he seems happy and she should stay away. Apparently, she wasn't happy with my answer so she asked my husband the same question. Again, my husband told her the ex is very happy.
Recently, she has been bombarding my husband with random messages of spirituality (she got into it during her divorce). She would send him paragraphs and paragraphs of random thoughts even though sometimes he would go on days without replying her. When he does it would be a simple "I'm busy with kids" or even a swear word. And then she would go on again. She somehow figured out my husband's birthday and asked him asked why we never celebrated that(it's private; my husband never celebrates it with friends), and texted him to question him on what he has against weddings and then gave him reasons why weddings are great (we had a small wedding and she wasn't invited, so maybe she thinks that we didn't have one?) My husband did not respond to that question.
One day, she texted me to see how I am doing in my marriage. I told her it's not as romantic as before which is fine because we are focusing on the kids. Then, she mentioned how she is fine by herself and said I can find someone else romantic too. I tried to dismiss it like it was a ridiculous joke but she just wouldn't drop it. The next day she tried to bring it up again. My husband and I were going to move and she asked me if that's what I wanted. I could sense that she was trying to make me doubt my husband again. Unluckily for her, that was actually my idea.
In the days that followed, she sensed something was wrong and even try to explain herself and how it is not in her place to suggest I leave my husband. She said how she was actually talking to a guy, and explicitly say that it was not my husband as if that would exonerate her, a known two-timer. Then she said she would not bother my husband again.
But then she didn't stop. She is now sending my husband paragraphs and paragraphs of thoughts again like before. My husband responds to her sometimes because he thinks that she needs someone to talk to. They also sometimes exchange investment ideas because it's their common interest. He is worried about her mental state and that if no one talks to her she would harm herself. My husband knew my friend long before we were together, so I didn't mind their independent friendship, but I suspect now that she is pursuing something more.
TL;DR: My friend wouldn't stop bombarding my husband with message and I think she is into him. What can I do?
**Update:**
Thank you for all those who replied. At first I thought I was paranoid for thinking that my friend is out of line. However not one single person says that it is platonic, or that she is going through a divorce so cut her some slack. The answer was so simple: we needed to cut her out of our lives.
I confronted her yesterday and she dared to reply back and said how those spiritual messages were supposed to help my husband treat me better. She made it sound like she had no one to talk to besides him, while there were at least 10 other women from our group including me. I told her that she needs to see a therapist, and he is not her therapist, and she said she will talk to herself and she can be her own therapist.
I have had enough and sent her one final message:
"You need to understand that there are boundaries with married men and your past behavior indicated otherwise. Let me be clear: there is no place for you in my marriage."
I thought it was good enough to keep her at arm's length but my sisters told me NO after reading this post. Both my husband and I were so blind. My husband has very low opinion of her and she is no threat to my marriage. However, she can still drive us apart. I am a working mom and have no time to monitor the situation.
So we both blocked her. It's over and I am so relieved.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 7,391 | 2022-10-18T23:05:00 | My friend who has chased married men before may now be into my husband | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7ltzf/my_friend_who_has_chased_married_men_before_may/ | false | false | [
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y7mfk0 | 1 | 2022-10-18T23:30:47 | AITA for putting my family in a difficult situation because I can't tolerate an extra person in the bus? | CONCLUDED | Gracefulbabymoose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7mfk0/aita_for_putting_my_family_in_a_difficult/ | false | false | null |
|
y7mgwd | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T23:32:17 | Cheating | ONGOING | Nervous-Basil3222 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7mgwd/cheating/ | false | false | [
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y7mmpd | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T23:39:20 | I(23M) unknowingly started e-dating my girlfriend(19F) when she was a minor and I was an adult. Should this be a big deal even though she is legal now. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7mmpd/i23m_unknowingly_started_edating_my_girlfriend19f/ | false | false | [
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y7mpdo | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-18T23:42:36 | My Son Stole His Dead Mother's Ring For His GF | CONCLUDED | poopypainpants | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7mpdo/my_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_for_his_gf/ | false | false | [
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y7ntdn | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra2tf4if38 in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**I(23M) unknowingly started e-dating my girlfriend(19F) when she was a minor and I was an adult. Should this be a big deal even though she is legal now.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u51mbt/i23m_unknowingly_started_edating_my_girlfriend19f/) - 16 April 2022
Let me preface this by saying that I'd appreciate you reading through the whole thing to get the context because I feel even though I was unknowingly in the wrong most of the time these events transpired I want to know whether or not it would be wrong to forgive and forget. I'll try to sum it up in in the next paragraph.
TL;dr My girlfriend lied about her age when we started dating only online. She is now of legal age and would it be wrong to leave it all in the past and pursue a relationship in the real world since all things lead to us being compatible so far.
We met in a discord server about 5 years ago which would make me 18 at the time and she was 14. For the first year there was no talk of being in a relationship since everyone there was mostly chatting in VC about dumb shit like anime and games and we were a part of the more vocal crew in the server. So age at that point really didn't matter no one really cared much for the others age as long as you were older than 13 it was okay since you know it's a chill anime and games server.
The relationship would start around the time that I was heading to college on the second year. I no longer had as much time to play games and spend my nights on discord so I deleted discord to focus on getting an education and a job. A few of my online friends from there asked for my number to keep in touch with me. Most of the conversations fizzled out within a few weeks since there's only so many times you can talk about anime and games, one on one, with a friend from the internet and only 3 people switched up with new topics and evolved mostly because they matured with me and brought more to the table.
I got even closer to these friends to the point where I even met up with 2 of them and we took a trip to Coachella and the Superbowl and we still meet up whenever there's an event all three of us want to go to, I was even planning on moving closer to these guys since we got along so well and one of them said that he'd bum his dad for an internship for my field of work. The last person I kept in touch with would be the girl.
Now I'll admit one of the reasons I didn't want the relationship we had, as friends, to end was because I had hope that it could become more. I sucked heavily at talking to girls at that point and went through high school without even dating one and discord was pretty much the only place I had any sort of conversation with someone who wasn't male. A girl who said she was a year younger than me, willingly coming to me to chat about games was the closest I'd gotten to dating one and I wasnt about to pass this opportunity up. I mean what else did I have and it was made better by the fact that we got along so well.
So over the years of chatting we got to know eachother a bit more as far as I knew from what she told me then she was a year younger than me, even looked the part in Face times and overall was a pretty cute girl that I had a lot in common with. The impossible teen dream goal at that point was our first meet up would be a trip to Japan as soon as we both had our degrees and were earning something decent and I guess those plans seemed more and more impossible with the coof and stuff.
The third year is also around the time that we started putting an actual label on it and being exclusive, yes I'm a very lonely guy on the internet I took that shit very seriously, good morning facetimes, mid day texts and break time calls, calling her babe, princess, sweety, bae, buying stuff off of eachothers Amazon wish list for birthdays, anniversaries or just shits and giggles and sleeping on FaceTimes sometimes.
There were no shenanigans though I swear, I mean I was clueless on girls but common sense taught me that the easiest way to lose all hope of having a relationship on the internet was to be a horny idiot. I was a bit chuffed to get a girlfriend even started working on my appearance a little, hitting the gym, showering more than three times a week, shaving and getting haircuts, hell I even outgrew my irrational fear of approaching and cracking up conversations with girls in public spaces.
I actually changed to the point where even my parents picked up on it, I think most people would call that a glow up I guess. I mean every lonely dude who missed out on the high school dating scene can probably tell you it felt good to be loved, even if that love comes from a stranger you've never seen outside of the screen.
I got out of college early and decided to finish my last year as soon as the coof settled because the online learning thing wasn't working for me. My friend finally managed to hook me up with the internship so I immediately flew to another state and everything was going great. I was even happy to learn that my e-girlfriend could become my irl girlfriend when I learned that she was just a half hour drive away from where I lived. I was pretty elated when I learned about this but she was a bit down so I asked what's wrong.
That's when she revealed that was was actually 19 not 22, which kind of bothered me for a second, it still eats me up a bit to think that around the time we started e-dating she was around 16 years old and I was 21 years old. It just sounds bad and probably illegal. My feelings for her are still very strong and so far I don't even want to end it, her lying about her age would've bothered me back when she was still under 18 but now that nothing is morally or legally wrong and I just want to forgive her and get over it.
The guilt of it all mostly lies in me feeling a bit disgusted in myself for wanting to kick this under a rug and forgetting it ever happened, I feel guilty because I don't feel bad that everything that happened happened. Some part of me wants me to dump her and this is not because she lied since I've forgiven her but mostly because I want to forget that for about 2 years I was what most would probably see as a groomer or pedophile.
Would it really be as bad as I think it would be to just forgive her and carry on living, she's still very excited to meet up with me and everything that happened still did happen. It probably took a lot for her to finally let it all out and expose her own lies, she could've just abandoned it all and moved on but I'm guessing she wanted the elephant in the room out of the way before we'd inevitably meet, she even cried which makes me feel that she regrets it.
I just want your opinions on whether or not it would be bad to forget the past since by all means at this point it doesn't really matter. My biggest moral dilemma in it all is whether or not its bad to even think it doesn't matter, I mean I feel like I should be feeling more disgusted in myself for thinking this isn't a big deal. I'd appreciate all your views.
**Update:**
After reading through the comments and pondering a bit it's pretty clear that this is a relationship built on lies. Seems I decided to ignore all that because I was afraid to lose someone who's had a pretty significant impact on my life but a lie is a lie. Girls who've approached me in the DMs saying they've done similar things in the past seem to suggest that this is a terrible idea and that it'd be better to cut it all off and honestly I tried to pretend that's not an option because of my feelings towards her. It's me being childish and not taking her lies seriously and perhaps that's to blame for this farce going on this long, the probably were signs that were obvious I ignored.
Seems now the time to think is over and I decided to let her go. Im still hanging around because as far as all things go she is pretty fun girl to be around whether she lied or not. The good relationship we had even though it was built on lies is still a very good relationship that made me break out of my own shell. I've chosen to have a long talk with her and put everything on the table, expose every lie and find the reasoning behind it, hopefully mend things and keep her around as a friend, my pondering has lead me to believe that it wouldn't hurt to end things on a good note.
I just need her to think about it all like I did and still have to do, once everything is out and we're still close after a few months I might even meet up with her because I'm still looking forward to that, though I don't think I'm gonna pursue anything close to a relationship in the near future. Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 4,092 | 2022-10-19T00:32:27 | I(23M) unknowingly started e-dating my girlfriend(19F) when she was a minor and I was an adult. Should this be a big deal even though she is legal now. | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7ntdn/i23m_unknowingly_started_edating_my_girlfriend19f/ | false | false | [
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y7o11o | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T00:42:22 | OOP is given an ultimatum: his wife or his mother | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7o11o/oop_is_given_an_ultimatum_his_wife_or_his_mother/ | false | false | [
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y7pqjn | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T02:01:20 | My wife went out last night, and didn't come home until this morning | CONCLUDED | Yayitselizabeth | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7pqjn/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/ | false | false | [
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y7qtrf |
**I am not OP.**
Posted by [u/ThrowRAmeistri](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAmeistri/) on r/relationship_advice
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/d2trgo/i_f25_found_out_my_fiance_m27_is_with_me_for/) _- September 12, 2019_
To preface. My family owns a business that is very well known in our sector and makes loads of profit. Thus I am a trustfund baby. I try to not be spoiled and have always worked myself. I met my fiance Mark when I was 20 and working as a waitress.
We began dating a few months later and he proposed to me last year.
Now Mark is not poor. He is upper middle class. And while he doesn't struggle in life he didn't have to much to spend and lived very frugal. I thought he was an honest man because he always wanted to pay for his own things, reject expensive family holidays when we were still dating and he would cook for me instead of going with me dining outside. What I want to say is that I never had the impression that Mark was trying to take advantage of me or my family.
In the beginning my family was a little sketched out and brought up the "gold digger" argument and I stood up for him and fought with my dad. They came to love and accept him. When Mark graduated Dad hired him and now he is in a high earning position.
Sunday I was supossed to work in the evening and I was going to stay with my sister. But I got a fever and was basically just non functioning so I stayed home. Instead of staying in our bedroom I made my way to the guestroom that is better ventilated, has a mini fridge and it's own bathroom (I didn't want to stand up at all and walk arround so I just bunkered all my stuff there and closed the door).
Mark came home when I was fast asleep and I was woken up by loud voices in our garden. I pushed the curtains a bit to the side and mark Was there with a few friends. Just as I wanted to say hello I noticed that they were talking about me.
His friend kept laughing and calling Mark "the man!". Then they started laughing about me being willing to not sign a prenub. Then one of the girls that was there said something along the lines of "Jesus you about to make some bank mark!". Mark laughed and said "yeah just 3 more years and I am free".
At this moment I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to throw up. I kept hearing them calling me trustfund Barbie and stupid and so on. I didn't know what to do so I just lied petrified in my bed and waited till the people left and mark went to bed. I texted my sister and snuck out to her place in the middle of the night and just passed out without telling her anything.
I haven't returned home and just told Mark that I was sick and didn't want to make him sick. My sister has been really worried but I just feel so ashamed about everything. My family was right mark is a gold digger and I fell for it. Even if I tell my family what happened I have no proof. My father can't fire him just because he is a dick. As far as I know he is excellent at what he does and he has no legal foot to fire him I think. I just feel so confused ashamed and angry and would appriceate some insight
Edit: we are non US. Mark wasnt talking about anything else. He has no debt as he partly was under a scholarship and with part of it I helped pay it off. There is no way he wasn't talking about me
Edit 2: thank you all for your great advice. I opened up to my sister about it and she is right now with me reading all your responses. We have called up dad and I will talk to him tommorow. I will be signing out for the time being thanks again.
Edit 3: some questions have come up.
I don't drive that's why my fiance didn't see my car. I mostly uber around
I worked as a waitress for the experience not for the money and I don't any longer
I don't work for my father I am a company shareholder and I have to go to the general Quartal meetings but I don't work for him.
I am sure that it wasn't a fever dream. It was around 38.5c and while it was enough for my body to hurt it wasn't enough to have a vivid dream. By pass out at my sisters o don'team literall medically passing out.
Last edit : I am really tired that you guys are defending him saying that it could have been a joke. Guess what. It's not fucking funny. You don't degrade and disrespect your partner for laughs. You don't go along calling them stupid, trustfund barbie, stupid bitch and you definitely don't make remarks yourself. I don't understand that macho bravado as many of you have called it, but I don't think that's okay so stop with those comments. It was deeply hurtful.
&#x200B;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/d9dcpz/i_broke_up_with_my_fiance_because_he_was_a_gold/) _- September 26, 2019_
&#x200B;
First of all I want to clarify some questions that came up in the OP:
* mark couldn't have seen my car and known I was home because I don't have a car. I don't drive I uber arround. Driving makes me anxious and I only do it when necessary.
* I don't work as a waitress anymore. I worked for the time I was in uni.
* Mark wasn't hired as a high exec right away. He didn't take the job from anyone. He started as a normal intern and worked his way up.
* they weren't joking. They have never made that kind of remarks in my presence. Also I doubt calling me a "stupid trustfund barbie" qualifies as a joke.
**Update**
I was very tempted to play the long game and lead him on. But I decided to just present him with a prenup to look into his reaction.
After telling my dad, we invited Mark for lunch and would serve him the prenup there. However to be sure about things I asked him if he had had anyone over, because our neighbors had complained about lound noises. He said yes that his buddies were there. He didn't mention the girls that I saw.
We finished lunch and dad served him the papers saying that it was a must for getting married. You could instantly see that he didn't expect this. He got angry and asked me to speak to him alone. We went into the other room and he began babbling about blindsiding him and that this just really felt like a personal attack.
He was trying so hard to sell me the roll of victim and making me out to be the villain. Then he just said that he needed to think everything trough and left.
I have to admit I kinda broke down and began second guessing me but I could keep it together.
My family happily didn't pull the "I told you so"s. We looked into everything and I have the legal right to evict him. The lawyer handled everything. Wrote an official eviction notice. And after a lot of talk, dad decided to present Mark with a deal so that he would leave the company.
After that was all sorted out I decided to just simply text(as one of you suggested) "Hey Mark, trustfund barbie here. As you said you would be free in 3 years I'll do you a big favor and set you free now. Kisses. Op"
My phone completely BLEW UP with marks messages after I send that. He texted and called me so many times I had to switch off my phone.
He came to my sister's place as he wanted to explain the situation. He promised that it was just a joke like a million times. I said it wasn't cutting it. They disrespected me in my own house, and I didn't want to be with somone that puts me down In order to appear better. He pleaded her cried he begged me not to end things. When. I wasn't budging he got mad at me accusing me of spying on him and ruining his life (honestly idk).
Then his manor changed once again to apologetic. He eventually owned up to the comment he made, still insisting that it was just a shitty joke. And then when I asked him why he didn't tell me about those random girls that appeared to know so much about me, he told me this weird story of them being cousins from on of his buddies and that they know of me because of my Instagram (shits private and I have like 30 followers).
I stood strong and I ended things with him. I will never know what exactly his plan was, but it's better to have things this way. We still have to sort out some financial stuff but after that I won't ever see mark again.
Sorry for any mistakes I am really sleepy. Just thought it would be good to update you
&nbsp;
**Edit:**
Because you have to spoon feed people every tiny bit of information or this get written off as fake: obviously the lawyer didn't draft a prenup from 0 in half an hour. I do have siblings I do have cousins and some of them are engaged /married thus we have allready established prenups to go. Also we didn't need a bullet proof prenup for this. I just wanted to see his reaction. Serving him with a boilerplate prenup would have served the same purpose.
Also no I didn't ruin his life. He will not be fired. He will not be badmouthed in any kind of way. He has still all the opportunities in the world to succeed.
I thought I made it clear that I gave him notice for eviction. Meaning he had days to leave the property. That's why I am staying with my sister. It's not a done deal it's still in porgess but the biggest steps have been made. Jesus people | 17,201 | 2022-10-19T02:52:49 | I (F25) found out my fiance (M27) is with me for money/family business | REPOST | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7qtrf/i_f25_found_out_my_fiance_m27_is_with_me_for/ | false | false | [
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y7tw0a | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T05:27:16 | What happened to the wife who read an email about her husband’s apartment notification…yet they don’t have an apartment? | ONGOING | TreeTrunkTrick | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7tw0a/what_happened_to_the_wife_who_read_an_email_about/ | false | false | [
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y7ucu6 | I'm not the OOP. This was posted in r/relationshipadvice by u/spirited_owl_2020.
Mood Spoiler - >!i just read a post here with a happy ending so here is a bad one!<
**Hired detective, caught husband (M40) cheating with his (F33) secretary.. next steps?**
[Original and Updates](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y1gxb4/last_update_hired_detective_caught_husband_m40/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
**ORIGINAL** (9 Oct 22)
Hired a detective last weekend, he caught my husband with his ex-secretary on Saturday night. Plenty of pictures, there isn't any disputing this or the happenings. Kissing, hand holding and back to her room together for the entire night. Zero doubt on the events of the evening.
They were at a weekend business conference, I suspected it and was right. I actually felt like complete shit in the lead up and to a lesser degree still do, but his behavior was a bit off for a couple weeks, I had that terrible gut feeling. I let him know over text this morning that he was caught, read receipt but no reply. I didn't state any intentions, I just told him I will just take a break to gather my thoughts, he should do the same and I need to see if I can find a way to trust again. As expected, today has been a rolldercoaster of emotion, anger and tears galore. This is the absolute worst feeling ever, I wish this on nobody, which leads me to the next thought...Do I send the pics to the secretary's husband. I'm conflicted on that, I'm not a vindictive person and it is not intended to hurt the secretary, but my thinking that I would want to know if he had found out instead. But, this emotional pain is so heavy.. terrible to inflict on someone.
I haven't shared with anybody. I feel this is "our" issue at the moment. Anyone I share with will simply hate him forever.
I have so many pics of them together, I stopped looking and moved them to a folder on my PC and zipped them up.. looking at them just stirs me up.
I feel absolutely horrible that I did this, but I also realize that I needed to confirm the affair.
1. Am I a horrible wife for hiring a detective? Didn't he break the trust first?
2. Should I share the pics with her husband?
3. Is taking break a reasonable strategy?
Thanks all, just writing this out has been a bit therapeutic
**Update 1** (10 Oct 22)
Where to begin… for those that remember that he turned off his findmy, I was mistaken on the time stamp, it was before anything went down. (1 day) That Is still a huge 🚩. Anyhow,. the events went like this:
1. He was sleeping with secretary, received my message calling him out
2. He immediately went completely mental, dressed and left room, not before throwing his phone into the mirror (Hotel will bill us plenty I’m sure) \* this was confirmed by his best friend who went back to retrieve his belongings and remains of his phone.
3. Ended up as a “complete wreck” at his best friends house. He was bawling about how he ruined his life, he very well may have. He has been staying their in their guest house.
4. We have not had any contact
5. Best friends wife (my bestie for 20 years) came by this morning and is worried that he may be suicidal, they are bringing him into the main house. She was to pick him up a new phone later this afternoon. She said he is in no condition to talk to me. A complete wreck and they are worried for his life.
6. They are monitoring him, he has been just lying in bed, crying off and on. As far as they can tell, he has not slept. If he doesn’t soon, they will get him something to help. They brought him food and he has hardly eaten.
Now a quick background on the friends. She is my best friend for life, probably 20 years, we are extremely close and confide on everything. her husband is now his best friend, and was in our wedding. They have been for 12 years. These are both professional people, they call bullshit when needed, but these are people that would go to the ends of the earth for you. Good wholesome people, they pull no punches but like me, they do not react poorly under stress, but are pure “no bullshit”. He can stay there as long as he needs, but knowing my bestie, she will have his ass cleaning house or doing yard work. no pity party over there. She did mention that this morning she went into his room and basically berated him for 30 minutes, told him “shut up and listen” and she will likely come back with more.
While I have sympathy for his current situation, it doesn’t have a whole lot of bearing on the bigger picture. I still need to work through my next moves. I’m back and forth on divorce, but I never want to react out of emotion. His drama is meaningless
I thank you all for the excellent advice. I’ve received 150 or so DM’s, *mostly* helpful. A few guys looking to “help me pickup the pieces” a couple even sent their pic. A couple solicitations for online counseling $$. Pretty crazy stuff here. I did get some great links to online articles that seem helpful, believe it or not I got about 15 links to this article [https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868](https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868) which is very helpful as well aa a website [SurvivingInfidelity.com](https://survivinginfidelity.com/)
The last thing I would like to mention is the “Divorce him“ people.. I totally get it and I am leaning slightly that direction, but at the same time, I am a believer in responsibility and being responsible. We are in this marriage for better or worse, this is clearly the worst. Infidelity may be beyond the scale of worst, it really hurts. I’ve hardly eaten or slept, but I don’t want to pull the trigger on that too quickly. Building trust again would be a HUGE task, before even considering that I need to think this through. Again, his current situation will garner no pity from me. He did this, and this is the beginning of the price he will pay for his actions, regardless of the outcome. I will likely sleep later, I’m beginning to resolve myself to the whole situation. We have no children, we’re considering it maybe next year, he has really been wanting them, I do as well but this, if we reconcile, will push that timetable or possibly even take it off the table. Money is not an issue, he does well and will survive without me. I work part time from home, I was fortunate to work from day for a [dot.com](https://dot.com/) that went public 5 years ago and I’m pretty set for life. He would never go after assets, that’s simply not him Yes, i know “divorce changes people” I feel I know him better than that, even if he did, it would not me a major impact.
tl;dr: leaning toward divorce, but leaving door slightly cracked. Time will tell if he deserves my consideration.
**Update 2** (11 Oct 22)
He messaged me last night, appeared apologetic and full of shame. He wanted to call or come over this evening, I told him to leave me be and I will let him know. He has done nothing but apologize about his behavior to me and our friends. He feels he has done irreparable damage, and he has. Our previous relationship has ended. TBD if there is another in the cards.
My bestie came over early this morning, let herself in and surprised me with breakfast and flowers, she insisted I eat and said she would stare at me until I ate something. She said he is very remorseful and would not elaborate on him any more. "This is about you". We went for a run and it seemed to help clear my mind. I work as I please so I have no work schedule so that makes it easy. She will stay the next couple nights, we are going out to dinner tonight, maybe a getaway this weekend to Cabo or somewhere warm.
I may not have been clear, but we have no children (several posters thought we did) Also, I am 32yrs old.We **do** have a pre-nuptial agreement, the reason being is that my cash windfall from the sale of a [Dot.Com](https://dot.com/) startup I worked from day one, well before marriage is well into 7 figures (nearly 8). I don't need money and if the marriage were to go south, he would simply get a $500k payout. That is in place for 20 years from marriage date. I could possibly fight that payout as well, I really don't care about it. The house is paid for, his settlement would only be the 500K and "personal belongings".
* My bestie is referring me to a therapist and an attorney. I am investigating all courses of action.
* I will not send the proof to her husband at this time, not until I consult with the attorney and therapist. This isn't "street justice", but if after consultation with them it makes sense, I will. One thought from my bestie is to have the attorney serve as proxy.
* He will be moving to their guest house on the weekend. He can stay indefinitely and she will require him to pay her $750 a week. He can have NO visitors and he does not have house or pool privileges. Park in street. he has to pay for a housekeeper weekly as well. (told you she takes no bullshit!)
* Hotel billed him $600 for the mirror and room cleaning
* He reimbursed my bestie for the replacement phone from his own account. Before someone digs meaning into that, he has an account with a few thousand for spending money. I have full access to it. We have joint credit cards, his have limits less than 10k each. All advised by the attorney that did the pre nup and estate planning.
* I don't appreciate the harsh DM's... I also don't appreciate the guys asking if we would like to meet, nor the one that offered to be my personal sexual slave, just sick
* I **do** appreciate the helpful books and links. I have an analytical mind and working through the process, good or bad helps.
* Also, thanks for the great YouTube links
Finally.. divorce is absolutely on the table, but so is reconciliation. I didn't get to this place in life by making rash decisions, it all has to be worked through and planned.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | 3,503 | 2022-10-19T05:52:47 | OOP hired a detective and caught her husband cheating with his secretary. | ONGOING | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7ucu6/oop_hired_a_detective_and_caught_her_husband/ | false | false | [
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y7woxx | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T08:10:54 | AITA for choosing my niece over my daughter? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7woxx/aita_for_choosing_my_niece_over_my_daughter/ | false | false | [
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y7x9ab | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T08:45:55 | My wife went out last night, and didn't come home until this morning | CONCLUDED | dualportaldestinies | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7x9ab/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/ | false | false | [
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y7xh7a | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T09:00:02 | I'm losing my fiancé because I did something against her wish | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7xh7a/im_losing_my_fiancé_because_i_did_something/ | false | false | [
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y7zoj1 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T11:02:44 | NEW UPDATE: I(m18) just found out that my father(m42) baby trapped my mother(f40) with me. | NEW UPDATE | alejamix | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y7zoj1/new_update_im18_just_found_out_that_my_fatherm42/ | false | false | [
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y80ut5 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted in r/ActualLesbiansOver25**
This is my first post so please be gentle.
trigger warnings: >!implied sexual assault!<
mood spoilers: >!unrequited love!<
---
[** And They Were Roommates (But Seriously Help)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ActualLesbiansOver25/comments/wfqpr0/and_they_were_roommates_but_seriously_help/) - 4 Aug 2022
27F, my roommate and best friend is 32F. I live with her and her 8-year-old son. We've been friends for about 2 years, and living together for about 6 months. We love living together, and all is going well. But that's the problem - it's going too well, and I think I'm falling in love with her. I know this is long, but I really need advice.
We've always had a bit of an unusual relationship; we kept bumping into each other at work events, and eventually one of those times we got drunk and slept together. We kind of laughed it off and agreed to be friends. Shortly after, she got back with her girlfriend, and has been in a turbulent LDR for most of the time I've known her. As friends, we became inseparable, with me often staying at her house for days on end. Nothing shady ever happened, I've always pushed her to work on her relationship when they've hit rough patches, and we've openly discussed the fact that I'm not willing to date her due to certain incompatibilities in our lifestyles and values.
There were a couple of moments where I wondered if maybe she had feelings for me - she told me that her family would make comments that the two of us should be together, and she's often referred to me as her "soulmate." We're always mistaken for a couple in public, which doesn't happen to me when I hang out 1:1 with my other friends. Whenever she was struggling, I was always her first call, not her gf, and she's always said that I understand her and accept her when her partner doesn't. There have been a couple of nights where we've also had slightly-romantic moments, such as her reading me poetry or a night where she asked me to come over to watch the snow fall from her porch around midnight. There was even one night where she got really drunk and tried to kiss me and told me she loved me. I know this might sound naive, but I really never read into any of it. We're both insatiable flirts, and I tell my friends I love them all the time, so I just always dismissed it as that. Sure, we're closer than other friends, but sometimes that just happens, right?
Anyway. If anything, I thought moving in together might be a strain on our relationship, but it's brought us even closer together. I love her son to pieces, and he's always really excited when we spend time together. We all make meals together, clean together, go out together, talk for hours on end. She's started making comments about how she can't imagine us living apart, and I'm feeling the same way. I've now started finding myself feeling jealous when her gf comes into town when I never did before. Suddenly it feels like she's intruding on *our* life together, even though it's really the other way around.
I have six more months on this lease. Everything feels precarious. I don't want to lose my housing stability or my best friend, but I also feel like I'm living a lie - and maybe verging on emotional infidelity? I would never let anything happen between the two of us while she's in a relationship, but the dynamic just feels....different. I don't know what to do. Please advise.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ActualLesbiansOver25/comments/y0g3kw/and_they_were_roommates_update_help/) - 9 Oct 2022
Ugh. I really hate this situation. Please advise.
27F, best friend is 32F. A while back I wrote about how I moved in with my bff and developed feelings. Everyone and their mother thought the feelings were mutual (well, everyone and *her* mother, at least lol). Things have gone south and I'm absolutely heartsick about it. Please tell me what I can do.
Without getting into the details of it, I came clean and confessed my feelings about three weeks ago. I emphasized that our friendship has never been a consolation prize, that I love our friendship, that I would move out if she needed that. She was very kind and understanding in the moment, though she said she didn't reciprocate (she's still hung up on her The One that Got Away, and though she didn't mention this I know I'm not her typical type aesthetically). The next few days felt underpinned by this permeating sadness between the two of us, but otherwise were fine. I began to develop some anxiety that she was pulling away from me and began to get anxious and a little clingy, my feelings getting hurt when she would go out with friends and I wouldn't receive an invite. It never quite became a full-blown disagreement or conflict of any sort, but you could tell things were a little tense. Some days were perfectly fine and normal, some weren't.
Anyway. I ended up having a full-on panic attack the Saturday before last, fueled by an anxiety that she hated me and being triggered by the fact that one of the people in the group she was hanging out with SA'd me about a month ago (that's a longer story). I apologized immediately after, and then explained the next day that I was having a bit of a PTSD response to her hanging out with that particular person and have been struggling with anxiety about the situation. She seemed understanding. We were chatting and making jokes throughout the day. Monday rolls around and she stops talking to me completely. Won't even look at me. Doesn't respond to my texts. I get the hint, apologize again, and tell her I'll respect that she needs space.
Well, my anxiety got the best of me by Thursday. I sent her a text asking if she'd be willing to sit down and discuss things, no response. I knocked on her door (politely) and she screamed at me to go away. She's never yelled at me before. I burst into tears and said "I just want to know why I'm losing my best friend. I'm sorry I've been an anxious mess. Please just tell me what I did wrong." She told me she didn't owe me anything, including an explanation. I begged her to just tell me why, told her that I wouldn't argue with her about the reason, that I just needed to know. I sent her another text saying I was hurt and confused but would go back to respecting her need for space. We haven't talked. She won't even look me in the eyes. I've been crying at work and falling apart when I get home. I could handle her not feeling the same way, but I can't handle losing my best friend. And the thing that's killing me is that I don't even understand why.
Any advice as to how to get through this? How to possibly repair when (if) she ever talks to me again?
---
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
Marked this concluded because the user deleted their profile today so there won’t be future updates. | 2,359 | 2022-10-19T12:01:24 | My Dumb Lesbian Feelings are Ruining my Friendship | INCONCLUSIVE | Gwanbigupyaself | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y80ut5/my_dumb_lesbian_feelings_are_ruining_my_friendship/ | false | false | [
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y80wff | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/brokenthrowaway9 on r/relationship_advice
TW: >!Domestic abuse, mention of suicide, narcissistic behaviour!<
Mood Spoiler: >!Happy ending!<
_Note: This is quite a long post._
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1wc5aa/i_29m_am_married_10_years_to_a_narcissistic_bpd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) _- January 28, 2014_
Sorry for the wall of text, but the details need to be said.
Where do I even start? My wife of 10 years has been displaying emotional abuse towards me and our oldest daughter for 10 years now. It use to be rare, enough where it wouldn't impact us, but the past year has been dreadful. Our daughter is becoming a teenager, and she isn't taking her shit anymore, I often have to get involved and stand up for my daughter to calm my wife down. But then I'm the bad guy.
I'm depressed as fuck. I can't stand my wife anymore, I'm to the point now where the only reason why I'm in this marriage is because of the kids. I often have to lie to her to avoid confrontation. Whats worse, is that our fights. They're long, I am criticized if I stand up for myself, and they are frequent, 4 times a week lately. So I just don't even try with that anymore, my opinion doesn't matter. So I lie about how I feel, etc, etc. Sometimes she'll yell at me for stuff that needs to be done that she doesn't think needs to be done. Example, today there was an kitchen electronic in the sink. She put it there. She needed my help for something else, but I had to get the electronic out of the sink in case one of the kids turned the water on. She didn't like that, said it was stupid for paying attention to something not her, said I don't know how to respect people. Forget about the safety of our children and possessions. That brings me to another point.
Her breaking our stuff during fights. When I did stand up to her, she will just start throwing stuff. Anything, t.v. remotes, pictures, frames, drywall, dishes. Over a year ago she broke a 42 inch T.V. She use to blame me for getting her that mad, but I retaliated and told her that I didn't throw it, it isn't my fault.
Most of the fights with her and us (me and daughter) are about us not helping out enough around the house. Forget about me having a full time job, 45 Hrs a week, being a part-time student, and studying to get promoted in the military. What sucks is that even if I follow her lead to the 't', I get yelled at because I took too long or I don't have my priorities right. If I do stuff without her telling me to, it doesn't meet her standards, etc, etc. Her method and timing of arguments is so flawed. Today, she made me late for work just to argue with me. If this were a civilian job, I would get fired. When I do tell her that I have to leave to avoid being late, she usually says "You're work is always more important than me!". No, it's not, its a job that provides for this family and providing for this family is more important than your 7 am argument. I feel like I'm the only one who cares about the family as a whole, not just my wife.
My daughter always stays away from my wife as much as possible, but it is hard for her to because of all the family interaction. We are trying to teach her responsibility so she has a few chores. When they don't get done, her mother gets abuses her, sometime worse than she does me, this is where I step in. Our daughter's emotional health is going downhill, her doctor says its ADHD, but I know better. Its her lack of motivation. She needs to see a psychiatrist and get away from he mother.
It only gets worse from here. Our youngest is starting to have daytime wetting accidents. I have concluded that they're related to the psychological stress that she is causing. Since he is a boy, I would find it hard to be a UTI.
Oh yeah, and I'm likely taking a civilian job and moving to our home state by the end of the year, wife plans to take the kids with.
As for the efforts to fix this, I've tried. I try making her happy, be romantic, never pay attention to anything but her, but it doesn't work. She knows that she has a problem, especially the throwing objects part, but she refuses to see a psychiatrist. I know she won't get fixed if she doesn't see one.
So this is where I need your help, what power do I, a man, have over my wife to get me and the kids out of her abusive household. I do plan on divorcing her within the next year and a half, and I want to make every effort possible to get my kids out of this situation so that they can live a mentally healthy lifestyle. If you think there is no chance of me getting custody, let me know.
edit 1: TL;DR: Wife's abusive behavior is affecting kids psychologically, planning a divorce but need evidence to prove abuse.
&nbsp;
[**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1ynqdv/update_i_29m_am_married_10_years_to_a_narcissitic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) _- February 23, 2014_
Last night my wife threatened me with a butcher knife to make me leave the house. To cut to the chase, our son started running in fear and hit his head. I called the cops. I also had a partial video of her chasing me with the knife. The cops came and saw the video. Along with all of the family members agreeing that my wife had a butcher knife in her hand and threatened to use it, she was booked for domestic violence.
Today I feel like shit. I, along with my son, have a protective order against her. My family and her family is calling us from several states away to mediate the situation. No one on her side wants to admit it's her fault, they're blaming me for it. On top of that, my daughter is mad at me and blames me for all of this. My son and daughter want me to drop the charges.
My wife has also communicated that she wants to work on this together, that there is still a chance to save this relationship. On one hand I believe this is just a bait and run plan on her part - hoping that I fall for it, let the protective order expire and then she takes the kids and run. On the other hand she does sound sincere since she is admitting that she needs to see a shrink and she hasn't screwed our finances yet. What do you guys think?
edit- wording
Edit 2- For those of you wondering, I have talked to a lawyer. I do like him so far but finances are tight. I will likely be getting a debt consolidation loan or file for bankruptcy. Right now I am getting into contact with free legal assistance programs, but I don't know what I qualify for.
Also, the kid's reaction is the exact oposite of what I expected. I expected my daughter to support me since she has taken most of the abuse from her mother, but instead she wants me to lift the order to make things go back to normal. My son, who is the golden child, has told me that he doesn't want to see his mom again because he is scared of her. I know he is young and doesn't know what he is saying, but that took me by surprise. Other than that, they are taking it well and I will be getting their insurance to extend their therapy visits.
---
**tl;dr**: Got a restraining order put up against my narcissistic wife, now what?
&nbsp;
[**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1zyrdj/update_2_i_29m_am_married_10_years_to_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) _- March 9, 2014_
So I had a permanent protective order hearing this week. I show up with my lawyer, my (stb-ex) wife shows up with no representation. We show some of the videos I took, showing abuse from her on myself and both kids.
Her only defense was about how she has been attending therapy sessions, anger management classes, etc. It did look like she had better control with her self discipline.
The judge ruled in my favor, gave me custody of the children, sole access to residence, extended the protective order to the max (2 years) and only gives her visitation with supervision. Contact can only be made regarding visitation and finances - reason for finances is because we have co-signed on multiple credit lines. Before anyone asks, I can cover all of our co-credit lines but one.
Since then, she has called me everyday, begging me to drop the protective order, which is a violation of the order itself. I mention this everytime, and she responds with every Scumbag Stacy line that you could think of, like "You're so cold, any reasonable person would fight for their wife!" etc. I am not going to report any of the violations until the final check clears in our joint checking account, and thats a rent payment.
I had a heart to heart conversation with her, told her that I need therapy for possible PTSD, caused by her actions. I even mention that I'm in the military, I'm suppose to get PTSD from being in the desert, not at home from my wife! She cries, admits that it is her fault, that she can never forgive herself for doing this to her kids and her husband. Shockingly, no threats of suicide.
I guess this is a good sign, she understands that her actions have a negative impact on others. That is the first time that she admits to it, before she would just say "deal with it and man up!" She also claims that she has no memory of some of her episodes, like one of the videos shown in court. I believe that she is just in denial, but thats just my speculation.
What sucks even more is that I've been watching some documentaries on YouTube and Netflix. A couple on scientology, another one was 'Dear Zachary'. Yikes. Talk about some depressing documentaries that I can sadly relate to. The woman in Dear Zachary, Shirley Turner, is a raging psycho, and says so many things that remind me of my stb-ex wife, although I don't think my wife would kill. The manipulation techniques pointed out in the Scientology documentaries are similiar to what my wife did.
There is no chance of us getting back together and I have told her that divorce papers will be getting served on her soon. I'd like to thank reddit for the support. I have a close co-worker who has been through something similiar that I have been talking too as well. But every now and then, I have to validate my sanity, and I re-read the posts that you all have put up.
---
**tl;dr**: Won custody of children, psycho wife can only have supervised contact, but she is getting better. Still no chance in hell of us getting back together.
&nbsp;
[**Update 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/21sgqd/update_3_i_29m_got_a_restraining_order_against/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) _- March 31, 2014_
The past 2 weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me. My stb ex-wife, who I have a protective (restraining) order against is not in good condition. Initially, after I won the 2 year hearing, she was slowly getting onto her feet. Her father came down and talked some sense into her. She still had her job and managed to get a place to stay. Her finances were in perfect order, which is a good thing. She had a roof, a job, transportation and enough money for food and child support. All seemed to be going well.
And then her dad left. She hasn't made a single rational choice since. She pissed off her roomates, expecially after she was arrested, again (more on that later). They kicked her out. As of right now, I think she is living in a motel.
Whats worse, is what happened last week. She had court at around noon, for the assualt charges and protective order violations. I was called to witness. So that day, she calls me up at 8:30 am, tells me that she is going to swallow a bottle of pills. She is very persistant and sounded quite convincing. I tell her not to, email her the suicide help hotline, called it myself and they recommended that I call 911. I did, and the police show up to her door to make sure she is okay. She answers, claims that she has done no such thing and that I was calling the cops in an attempt to make her late for court. WTF??? So basically she used the suicide threat as bait to get me to call the cops on her before her court time. Luckily, there are no charges for contempt.
After the trial, they told her that she is on probation. Then, of all things, she shows up at my house, that night, pounding on the door so that she can say goodbye to the kids before she kills herself. Yeah, not happening. I call the cops again, then she flees before they show up. She got picked up the day after and sent to jail, thats why her roomates kicked her out. That was twice in 2 days that the cops showed up.
She has since threatened suicide many more times. I don't take her threats seriously anymore, since it might be bait like last time. I am seeing a therapist now and he reassures me that I need to stand my ground, that I cannot under any circumstance let her back in. I have no intentions of letting her back in, ever for that matter. I've since blocked her number and blocked her on facebook.
Another thing that I found interesting is that my therapist said that in his 30 years of experience this case takes the cake. I don't know what my plan is from here, but I plan on only having recorded conversations with her and will likely move to another house/appt when my lease expires this summer.
---
**tl;dr**: Wife is out of control, lost her room and is now homeless, used suicide as bait to try to get me in contempt.
Edit: Formatting.
&nbsp;
[**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2i5nd1/update_4_i_29_m_am_doing_great_with_divorcing_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) _- October 3, 2014_
First, read my previous posts, theres a lot to take in. I'll try to do a quick summary.
Last year, around November/ December, I uncovered the truth about my wife. I knew that she had a temper that would get into some uncontrollable rages, but the full extent was never known to me. She also claimed she was suicidal, which I now know was a method of hers to control me.
I started to notice that the children would come out of their rooms or come back inside when I got home from work. I asked my daughter for more details and she explained that her mothers rages were terrible, very emotionally and physically violent. Both children were having psychological problems such as ADD in my daughter and daytime wetting in my son.
I finally got a few recordings of her abusing our children. In one argument, she came after me with a knife, I got this recorded and called the cops. She was arrested, I got a restraining order against her and the rest is history. She’s plead guilty to misdemeanor assault and several counts of restraining order violations since. All jail time is suspended sentences. I’ve been granted custody.
Looking back at it, wow. How much I have changed in the past year! And I can’t believe how stupid my stb-ex-wife really is. I always saw her as intelligent and thoughtful. But now I know that she is very stupid and incapable of seeing other people’s perspectives. She constantly sends me emails that are “court gold” as my attorney says. Although we have been doing quite well settling many things outside of court.
She acts like a true narcissist. She is so good at creating that false image. But I’m always one step ahead of the game and have the evidence to exploit her faults. Most of the issues is how she communicates with me and talking to the kids. She claims that I’m holding her back from her visitation rights by… wait for it… asking what times she wants to visit them. She says that this is annoying and that she shouldn’t have to repeat herself. She will then say, “well back on August 6th I sent an email, so just go back and check that. If you’re not there at the time that I requested then I’m telling the judge that you’re not compliant!” and I just respond by telling her that if she really cares about the children then she would have no problem repeating the times she wants to see them at. Funny thing is, when I go back to check my emails on that day, then there are 6 lengthy emails, all criticism and her venting. Then, 3rd email, 2nd paragraph she mentions the time for her next request.
I have since put forth some guidelines, one of them telling her to be short and to the point for emails regarding visitation. Again, she didn’t like that.
My kids are doing great. My daughter wants nothing to do with her and doesn’t participate in the visitation. My son has to go, being younger and all. When he does go, she tries to alienate him from me. This has caused some problems with him at home, but I’m working with his therapist to get these fixed. He has improved a lot over the past month.
I've been doing great. I have a lot more self confidence. My finances aren't in the best of shape but I'll be fine.
I could go on all day. Heck, I’m even thinking of starting a subreddit titled “my narcissistic ex-wife’s emails”. But I'll wait until the divorce is final for that one.
---
tl;dr: Divorcing predictable narcissist, got custody, doing so much better. | 6,841 | 2022-10-19T12:03:25 | I [29M] am married 10 years to a narcissistic/BPD wife [30F], affecting the family and I'm in a major dilemma. | CONCLUDED | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y80wff/i_29m_am_married_10_years_to_a_narcissisticbpd/ | false | false | [
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y8318y | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T13:39:56 | I'm losing my fiancé because I did something against her wish | CONCLUDED | TheDarkySupreme | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8318y/im_losing_my_fiancé_because_i_did_something/ | false | false | [
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y84iat | *I'm not the OOP.* [*Original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fgrzdv/aita_for_euthanizing_my_daughters_emotional/) *on* r/AmItheAsshole *by a now-deleted account.*
Mood Spoiler: >!Sad for OOP's daughter, OOP still believes he is right.!<
TW: >!Death of a beloved pet.!<
&#x200B;
**Original Post**
(Using a throwaway because I have family members on Reddit)
My daughter recently turned 20. She’s been dealing with major depressive disorder, social anxiety, anorexia, body dysmorphic disorder, and two autoimmune diseases since she was around 12. I’m very involved in her treatment and obviously wanted her to get better, so when her therapist recommended getting her a dog to register as an ESA, we got her one for her 16th birthday, named Juniper. I generally dislike animals, but it was for my daughters sake, so I caved. Juni and my daughter grew close and I have seen a notable difference in her since we got the dog, especially in her sense of independence and self-esteem. Four years later, my daughter is now a part-time tutor, volunteers with the elderly, and attends school full-time with excellent grades. I’m so proud of how far she’s come and though I realize she has a ways to go, Juni has helped her and I credit the dog for that immensely.
Here’s the problem. While my daughter was at school, Juni got out of the house and got hit by a car since we live right in front of a busy street. My wife and I rushed her into the vet and were told that Juni would need surgery, which would cost somewhere in the ballpark of $2000. I make a good salary, but I just cannot justify spending that much on a dog, especially when it may not even work and Juni would probably be crippled. Plus, she was pushing five years old, and her breed usually only lives for nine to ten years. Due to all these reasons, I decided the humane and logical decision would be to euthanize Juni.
At this point I called my daughter to let her know the situation and the solution I’d chosen, and she freaked out on me. She tried telling me how she had $700 in savings and would quickly find a job to pay me back the rest, to which I declined because A) it’s not just about the money and B) I don’t want to risk ruining her mental health by her getting a job, especially since she’d likely have to quit one of her volunteer jobs which have helped her so much. I explained this to her, but she wasn’t hearing reason, so I put my foot down and said my decision was final because the dog was technically mine since I paid for it, then I hung up. We put Juni down surrounding her with love and gratitude.
When we got home, my daughter had just pulled in and was hysterical. I told her she was too old to be acting like this and one part of becoming a competent, independent adult was accepting what life throws at you. Now she isn’t speaking to me. I’m beginning to think I should’ve at least told her where we were so she could say goodbye. On the other hand, Juni already served her purpose in helping my daughter and she only had the dog for four years, so I don’t understand the huge overreaction. AITA?
&#x200B;
**First Edit/Update:**
***EDIT***: Jesus Christ. Message received, I guess i’m TA. I still believe I made the best choice, but I suppose I could’ve let her be more involved.
Some people are asking the same questions so I’ll answer them here:
\-I am not a sociopath. I am just excellent at separating emotion in preference of logic, especially in times of crisis. This does not mean I don’t feel anything. I love my daughter more than anything in the world.
\-My wife was 100% on my side for the actual decision of putting Juni down and agreed our daughter should not witness it. She did, however, disagree with the words and tone I used towards my daughter when we got home, which is where I began wondering if I was the AH.
\-I am not and have never been jealous of Juni. That’s ridiculous. She was an emotional crutch for my daughter and will always be special to me in that way. My daughter did not love me any less after getting the dog, if anything she loved me more.
LASTLY, thought I would update you all that I did, in fact, talk to my daughter today. It took her some time to let me in but once she did I was able to explain my side, give her my reasonings for what I did, and convince her to forgive me. She agreed, and we are all moving past this asap. I’m actually about to run out and get her favorite fast food for dinner and we’re having a family movie night. She is still acting distant and mopey but she has her regular therapist appointment tomorrow so I’m confident she can vent there and her therapist can help her get through this without any permanent damage. Btw I also offered to get her another dog, which wasn’t easy for me, and she declined so I don’t think her bond with the dog and like for animals in general was as “unbreakable” and “solid” as all you commenters are claiming. Juni just wasn’t meant to be around that long and i’m glad my daughter was able to have four years with a dog she liked. Now we’re moving on, the end.
&#x200B;
**Last edit:**
***EDIT 2***: To everyone leaving horrendous messages to me in my DM’s, take a look at yourself and the words you’re using against me, and consider how hypocritical it is that you’re calling ME the asshole when you’re telling me you hope my daughter murders me.
&#x200B;
**Relevant/Popular comments:**
YTA. You likely ruined her mental state by killing her dog much more than a job would have. I’m amazed that you think what you did was okay. You basically killed her best friend.
Also, five years is only half of her life. That’s like saying someone is better off dying at 50 than trying to get a life saving surgery. *(By* u/curbstompme*)*
Honestly, I wonder if having a mom like this is part of the reason why this girl has so many problems. How sad. EDIT: I read it wrong, I know it’s a horrible father who did this. *(By* u/bluebird3825*)*
&#x200B;
**Comments by the OOP (retrieved by unddit)**
* She may be technically an adult, but because of her various issues she is not of sound mind when it comes to decision-making, which is why I as her father made what I felt was the best decision for her. I reasoned that it would be more traumatic for her to watch Juni die and still believe it will be easier for her to get over this not having witnessed that.
&#x200B;
* Her health, mental or otherwise, matter to me more than anything. How does me choosing her sanity over a dog mean she doesn’t matter to me? If she got a job to pay it, she’d be stressed and potentially regress, and that’s if the dog even lived. I didn’t want my daughter to make such a hard decision and have the consequence lie on her shoulders forever, so I took that burden as her father.
&#x200B;
* Grief is a process maybe she needs to go through sooner rather than later, and grieving a dog is good practice for someday having to cope with losing a parent, for example. Plus, I understand she loved the dog and was close with her but placing a dog over family, or equal to, does not seem healthy to me. I’ve wondered in the past if perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to get Juni for that reason.
&#x200B;
* Perhaps I shouldn’t have said the dog served it’s purpose that way, I didn’t mean it negatively. Just that we only got Juni so my daughter could progress enough to get friends, a social circle, hobbies, and an interest in life again. That was accomplished. So, her purpose was fulfilled and I am thankful for Juni helping as she did. Also, I didn’t snap at her, I explained my words carefully and calmly so as to not make her more hysterical. She gets panic attacks and I didn’t want to trigger one, Id never yell.
&#x200B;
* She is in therapy but for her own issues, nothing I’ve done to her. Anything and everything i’ve ever done has been to help her, I’m her father and this was just one of those tough situations I needed to step into to protect her mental well-being
&#x200B;
* I never said she cannot have a job. I wouldn’t FORCE her to not get one. I just don’t want her to get one on the pretext of owing me money. Volunteer work means less commitment if something goes wrong or she is struggling harder than usual. Besides, she doesn’t even need a job, I provide everything she needs. I’d rather her focus on activities that can help her soul, not line her wallet.
&#x200B;
* I am not a cheapskate when it comes to my daughter and her mental health, I have spent thousands on the best therapists and treatments for her over the years. I believed I was making the best of a bad situation: an injured old dog not having to face years of suffering, and I wanted to spare her having to see that or put that choice on her shoulders.
&#x200B;
* She already is a gracious, empathetic, and loving adult, just needs a little more time and care until she can be fully independent and make these hard choices herself. She plans to be a NICU nurse and spends most of her free time volunteering. I think that’s indicative of how she was raised.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP.** | 6,234 | 2022-10-19T14:41:00 | AITA for euthanizing my daughters emotional support animal for her own sake? | CONCLUDED | IzzyLyss | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y84iat/aita_for_euthanizing_my_daughters_emotional/ | false | false | [
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y859r7 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T15:10:55 | The wrench that keeps on gifting | ONGOING | anonymous_redditor_0 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y859r7/the_wrench_that_keeps_on_gifting/ | false | false | [
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y88yql | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T17:35:58 | Host is imposing a $750 late check-in fee. What options do I have? [AirBnB] | CONCLUDED | TheComment | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y88yql/host_is_imposing_a_750_late_checkin_fee_what/ | false | false | [
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y89sn4 | [deleted] | 26 | 2022-10-19T18:08:48 | OOP - My boyfriend still can't get over his ex from 8 years ago. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y89sn4/oop_my_boyfriend_still_cant_get_over_his_ex_from/ | false | false | [
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y8bbz5 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T19:08:00 | I stopped giving money to my mom. AITA? | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8bbz5/i_stopped_giving_money_to_my_mom_aita/ | false | false | [
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y8cutg | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T20:07:45 | AITA for asking my husband to stay with his family while he’s unemployed? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8cutg/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_stay_with_his/ | false | false | [
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y8dmsz | Originally posted by u/auntyexposer in r/AmItheAsshole on Oct 7, 2022
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xy9chi/aita_for_calling_my_aunt_classless_and_outing_her/)
AITA for calling my aunt classless and outing her biggest secret to my whole family?
I (25f) have always been really close to my cousin, D (22m.) He had a harder time growing up because his parents had some financial difficulties, he never went to bed hungry but they didn't have much money for luxuries. My uncle met his wife in a strip club where she was dancing, no one in the family knows this, but she left that work when she got married. They have a business, which D works for, that struggled for years but was one of the businesses that became vital during the pandemic so things really turned around for them and they are making bank. This means that a few months back my cousin could have an amazing wedding and a 2 month long world wide honeymoon. I was really happy for and proud of him.
I grew up solidly middle class, nothing lavish but we had some things that some would consider luxuries. My parents, however, were not in a position to pay for college for me which I was chilled about and I got loans. I have been working for 2 years and I still live with my parents while I pay off the loans. I unfortunately couldn't get my masters because it wasn't financially viable.
Last weekend was my birthday party and my cousin showed up without a gift. His wife made a comment, jokingly, about how they can't afford anything after spending $X on their wedding. None of this bothered me because gifts are not an expectation but my dad was visibly upset. I asked him about this and he opened a can of worms.
It turned out that I used to have a healthy college fund until my mom secretly lent it to my aunt and uncle to help save their business when I was 15. The agreement was that as soon as they were able they would pay it back to my mom. They haven't returned a dime. They have, in the last 3 years bought a second house, flown 1st class overseas twice and paid for D's wedding and honeymoon. Their excuse is that I am done with college and their son works hard so he deserves it more.
My father got so annoyed at my aunt while relaying this to me that he decided to kick them out. While trying to calm him down I said "we both know she only thinks about herself and D. If she had any class she wouldn't dress like she's still a stripper." I was so preoccupied I didn't realise that my entire family had quietly walked up with the candles lit, ready to sing to me and they heard everything... My aunt left and has since send my mom a message that we will never be seeing that money as it is now compensation for her pain and suffering.
I didn't mean to out her and be so rude. I was dealing with a lot of emotions and shock over this, I still am. My family doesn't know why we were so angry so they just think I'm an A and I don't want to tell them the whole story. But I'm not sure if it's excusable either way. So AITA?
*Judgment: Not the Asshole*
*Update added as an edit:*
UPDATE and ANSWERS
My cousin asked me to meet him alone this morning. It turned out he knew nothing about it at all, his mom has been keeping it quiet. He took this week to consult with a lawyer to figure out how much they owe.
He has also recently uncovered 2 things.
Firstly, the business has been evading tax so he is very glad we didn't take legal action. He has started the process to come clean and pay that back.
Secondly, she also borrowed money from my grandparents, a decent amount, which she never paid back. They have since passed on so the lawyer said that amount will form part of the estate and will be owing between the 3 siblings.
My cousin offered to sell his house to pay in full immediately if need be but as an alternative he and his lawyer have created a payment plan that would pay for my masters immediately, they will take over my loan repayments immediately, once it is paid, they will continue paying my mom back monthly until the total is settled. We will obviously be going with the plan where he doesn't lose his home.
Despite my cousin and his lawyers seeming fair they have both advised me to find my own lawyer for my moms interests and they have offered to pay for that also. Because of the age of the loan and lack of effort to collect on my moms side, they could legally contest it, or some if it, but my cousin won't be doing that.
My cousin apologized to me profusely and said that he wouldn't ask me to keep this secret from the family but appreciates that I kept it to myself and hopes we can continue that as long as he upholds the agreement we make.
My cousin is an amazing human and we will work with him to try to make the impact of his mother's actions on his life be as little as possible while remaining fair.
And the best part of all of this was that he planned on giving me my gift after my party when we were alone because he didn't want to steal my thunder. It was a gift card and inside the envelope was a sonogram. I am going to be a godmother soon and I can't wait.
THE ANSWERS:
The money was in a savings account that was going to be used for my college costs. It's was in my moms name and so legally hers. She told my dad when I was applying for colleges, he's known for some time. I don't know if it effected their relationship and don't plan on asking.
Her and my father have done little to get the money back because she is not coping well with stress due to being sick.
My aunt was upset because I outed a 25 year long lie, more so than people knowing her previous work. I have apologized to her for what I said via text and have left it at that. I have yet to hear back from her. I have also confronted my prejudice against sex workers privately. I won't deny I have judged her because of it, it's not something I am proud of.
This blew up at a bad time because my dad had overheard that my aunt is so proud of my cousin for moving out and living on his own at 22. He just boiled over on my behalf.
*In reply to a comment asking about the ultrasound being her gift:*
It was just his way of telling me... There was a decent gift card in there to a pricey pet supply store I like too. | 6,072 | 2022-10-19T20:37:45 | A Woman Accidentally Tells The Whole Family Her Aunt Used To Be A Stripper (Oct 7, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8dmsz/a_woman_accidentally_tells_the_whole_family_her/ | false | false | [
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y8eajk | I was scrolling through BORU today and saw [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/tapa9q/mom_fights_for_custody_of_her_daughter_from_her/). It spans across over 3 years on r/TwoXChromosomes. I clicked on OOP's profile and saw that there had been a final sentencing update a few months ago and more closure.
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/casanochick](https://www.reddit.com/u/casanochick/) **and she has given me permission to repost everything**. I was really struck by her story and wish her and her child all the best moving forward. She does ask that this not be posted outside of reddit. The first 3 posts in this update were included in the original BORU by [u/SolarisGaudium](https://www.reddit.com/user/SolarisGaudium/).
Trigger Warnings: child abuse, sexual abuse, gaslighting
Mood Spoiler: >!Justice is actually served!<
[First Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/ceg57i/my_ex_has_been_abusing_our_daughter/): **My ex has been abusing our daughter (July 17th, 2019)**
This isn't an advice post. I'm just struggling with a lot of emotions and I need to vent.
Last year, my daughter ran away from her dad's house. She was found and taken back before I could see her. Suddenly, her phone didn't work. All calls had to go through her dad. Her Instagram and Snapchat were deactivated. She started saying she didn't want to visit. Our weekend visits dwindled to monthly, and sometimes every 6-8 weeks. I even tried to send letters via snail mail but she never confirmed getting anything.
A month ago, I went to see her after she'd had an argument with her dad. She had a bruise around her eye but she said it was from playing with her brother. She said the arguing was getting out of hand, and she wanted to come live with me. I filed for custody, so the state assigned her a lawyer. I wasn't allowed to sit in on the meeting (so nobody could say I was influencing her) but afterwards my daughter said the lawyer had defined "abuse," and that's definitely what had been happening. My ex had convinced our daughter that hitting was normal. Choking was something all parents do. Kicking wasn't a big deal. Yanking her by the hair was her own fault. So she never spoke up, until her lawyer assured her that it was, in the eyes of the law, abuse, and that she never has to see him again if she doesn't want to.
I'm devastated. I lived with him for 6 years but didn't see the signs. His wife allowed it to happen in front of her. My poor daughter suffered in silence out of fear for herself and her little brother. All because this shitstain convinced her that nobody would care that he hurt her.
Child protective services was contacted and the investigation is open on my ex and his wife, and I'm hoping their son is removed from their custody. As shaken as she is, my daughter is determined to do what she can to protect her brother. I can't hug my daughter enough.
[Second Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/eelsn2/i_got_custody/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share): **I GOT CUSTODY!! (December 23rd, 2019)**
TW: sexual abuse
It has been a wild fucking ride. My post history has more details, but I'll try to summarize.
Jay had primary residence of our daughter, A (14F), for 8 years. In June 2019, A contacted me and said she couldn't live there anymore. She was slow to open up, but over the following weeks she told me Jay had been physically abusive. I filed for full custody and opened an investigation through CPS. Jay had always been bailed out by his parents, so he asked his dad to pay for a lawyer. His dad refused. Jay assaulted him, breaking three of his ribs and fracturing his skull in five places around his eye socket.
Four days after the assault, A had a dance recital. Jay hadn't been arrested for the assault because it was in a different county, and I hadn't heard anything about it (otherwise I might've been more vigilant about keeping an eye out for him). Jay snuck backstage and abducted A. The police said the wording in our agreement was too vague to charge him with kidnapping, but after driving to every spot I could think they'd go, I found her 14 hours later and brought her home.
In November, A told me her dad had been molesting her. He told her that because there was no penetration and because she was "allowed to say no" that it wasn't "rape" and this was legal. She believed him for six years, until she got away from his brainwashing and realized how fucked up that situation had been. Another CPS investigation was opened, but they said without physical evidence it was unlikely he'd be convicted.
I've been making the two hour drive to Jay's county for family court every month since June. He was arrested for the assault in September, but he got bailed out within 24 hours. His assault case caused some delays in our custody case, but it's finally over!! He didn't bother showing up to our last two court appearances, so he gets nothing--no weekends, no holidays (not even Father's Day!), no phone calls. A is in therapy and CPS is still investigating.
Yesterday Jay's parents informed me that he won't serve any jail time for the assault. The police mistakenly charged him with a felony, but due to a small loophole in the phrasing, this was an error. If it was to go to trial, it would be thrown out. Instead, the judge have him the option to do one year in jail or one year of mandatory counseling, including angry management. So he's still walking free, barely paying for what he did. I'm hoping the CPS investigation gets better results, but it's hard to stay optimistic.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying Winter Break with my badass daughter that was able to stand up to her shitty father. I'm making sure the remainder of her childhood is awesome. Happy holidays, everyone!
Edit: thanks you to everyone for your suggestions! We do have a restraining order, so Jay is not allowed to contact me in any way, nor is he allowed on our property, at my job, or at A's school. And I appreciate the concern for our protection, but no, I will not buy a gun.
Edit 2: I'm getting asked why Jay had primary custody. When A was about to start kindergarten, Jay filed for custody again, but I didn't want a custody battle to interfere with her first year of school. I agreed to allow her to stay with him during the week, and I would have her for weekends and all school vacations--that was as evenly as I could think to split the time. However, because that ultimately gave him more time with her, he was considered her primary.
[Third Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/t83q64/i_got_custody_update/): **I got custody! UPDATE!! (March 6th, 2022)**
Court was held up for 2 loooong years because of COVID. When i got full custody, it was the tip of the iceberg. CPS was still investigating child abuse allegations. We were interviewed by half a dozen specialists, investigators, doctors, and lawyers. We drove all over the state and submitted countless forms and photos. It truly felt hopeless at times. I once legitimately yelled at a cop for missing a deadline. It was like treading water. This system is designed to wear people down.
This week my child took the stand. They testified for a total of 10 hours, in front of their abusive father. I wasn't allowed to be in the room, because the defense's argument was that I was orchestrating a massive lie against my ex. They had their therapist and an advocate by their side. I'm incredibly proud of my child for the bravery they showed in the face of the man that tortured them during their most formative years.
The jury found my ex guilty on all 5 charges. He will be sentenced in May, but the minimum sentence for these charges is life in prison. He's gone.
It doesn't feel real. It's like there's one less shadow in the world.
**Relevant Comments:**
"No charges against the stepmom, unfortunately, but she was never actively abusive. She just didn't stop it, but that may have been because she was also being abused. Not that it excuses it, but I think the little brother will be ok now."
"He's still living with his mom but we're hoping for more visitation now that his dad is out of the picture."
"They're gender fluid so they use all pronouns, but I've gotten in the habit of using they/them."
[Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/u4fems/qv_lied_about_contact_with_my_ex/) **in** r/JNMIL **April 15, 2022**
Acronyms:
QV = Ex's mother
CA/CSA = Child abuse/child sexual assault
To summarize, my child's father is an abusive, narcisstic, asshole who was rescued from consequences his entire life by his parents. Well in 2019, he fucked up bad and his parents refused to help him, so he assaulted his dad. A restraining order was put in place so he no longer had contact with his parents. Without them lying to cover for him and paying for lawyers, I was finally able to get full custody and get him arrested for CA and CSA (full story in my post history).
I never had a great relationship with his parents in the 20 years prior to this, but since the assault, they finally accepted that i wasn't the bad guy he'd always made me out to be. It took a long time of supervised visits to feel comfortable letting them see my child. Eventually I could trust that they really felt remorse for siding with my ex and making my efforts to protect my child so much harder. I had a lot of talks with QV about the lies we'd both been told about each other, and we realized our relationship had been so difficult because he was manipulating both of us. My kiddo now does regular vists for days at a time, and they text every day. We've gone camping with them and I would go so far as to say we're friends.
Which brings me to this morning, literally 3 hours ago.
My ex is in jail awaiting sentencing. I got a call from the investigator to let me know my ex has been making a lot of calls to get family to pressure my kiddo to recant their testimony. When i asked who exactly he's talked to, they said he has talked to QV every week since his arrest over a month ago, sometimes multiple times a week. They don't use our actual names, but my codename is "The Boss of the Company" because, according to their conversations, I'm in charge of orchestrating this "lie" against him. The last call was last night, while my kiddo is at her house visiting for Spring Break. She accepted a call from my child's abuser while my child was in the next room.
I feel so betrayed. I feel like an idiot for believing QV was on our side. I don't think she has talked to my kiddo about it, because my child would not only shut that shit down but would tell me about it. But I feel like all the trust we've been building over the last couple of years has been shattered. This family just can't stop manipulating and lying.
[Final Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/ujvxdl/update_were_finally_free/)**: UPDATE: we're finally free (May 6, 2022)**
Yesterday, kiddo's father was sentenced to 23 years to life in prison. His side of the courtroom was packed with about ten people, including family, friends, and neighbors. They all wrote letters to the judge, asking for the minimum sentence because they have all been tricked or terrorized into defending him.
Kiddo read a victim impact statement, but abandoned their notes and spoke from the heart about how sad it is that he'll miss the rest of his children's lives because of his terrible choices. They spoke about their mental health struggles, but also how they're succeeding in school and are finding who they really are. It was emotional, with a lot of anger and sadness. Kiddo and dad both cried, and then kiddo simply ended it with, "Goodbye."
I had a less kind victim impact statement. His lawyer objected to me speaking at all, but the judge overruled it. I spoke about how awesome kiddo is, how they deserve to live the rest of their life without giving him another thought, and how they're better off without him. I spoke of the years of abuse, harassment, threats, and crimes that my ex has gotten away with, and how we're finally getting justice. I said the most impressive thing about him is his breathtaking stupidity, and how this is the most memorable thing he's ever done with his life.
Finally, my ex got to make a statement. He talked about the jobs he's had recently, how he helps neighbors, how he's "operating on a lower vibration" (????) and how he's really understanding how to handle conflict better. That was it. The judge was like, "Your child just bared their soul to the whole court, and you didn't mention them once." He didn't talk about his children, his wife, or anyone, just himself. He was trying to make it sound like he was reformed without actually admitting guilt.
The judge was not impressed. She said she is haunted by the testimony kiddo gave during the trial, and in case his supporters weren't present for the trial, she highlighted some of the worst things from kiddos testimony. It was horrifying. Nobody there yesterday had been at the trial, and looked legitimately uncomfortable to be sitting behind him.
After the sentence was handed down, my ex's mother tried to speak to me. She'd maintained contact with my ex, and had lashed out when i told her we were going NC until after the sentencing. She had attacked my character, my ability as a parent, and questioned my family's love for kiddo. She burned that bridge HARD, but as soon as her son was sentenced to 23 years in prison, she thought she could be friendly again. I said "NOPE," and kept walking.
Kiddo and i went on a shopping spree. We spent way too much money, but it was worth it. After all, we have to look good for this next chapter of our lives.
**Again, I sincerely wish OOP and their child the absolute best. Their child is gender fluid and uses all pronouns. I did check and OOP was ok with the pronouns remaining the same in the original posts. I have used they/them pronouns with my own comments.** | 4,966 | 2022-10-19T21:03:02 | Conclusion to Mom Fights for Custody of her Daughter from her Abusive Ex | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8eajk/conclusion_to_mom_fights_for_custody_of_her/ | false | false | [
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y8hf5u | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA-2032318753
in r/relationship_advice**
*This was previously posted here a year ago.*
---
&nbsp;
[**My [24M] girlfriend [24F] and my brother [26M] got into a fistfight over a political argument and now my family is demanding I break up with her**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hxldfl/my_24m_girlfriend_24f_and_my_brother_26m_got_into/) - 25 July 2020
I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, siblings and extended family on a family get together a few days ago. This was the first time I had seen them since the start of the pandemic and it started out really well with everyone getting along and having fun. That would change as more alcohol was consumed.
My girlfriend and brother got into a heated political argument that suddenly escalated to violence resulting in substantial injuries for both of them. Accounts of who throw the first punch differ and I frankly don't care as they both actively contributed to the fight and antagonized each other. The fight was eventually broken up when my girlfriend had the clear advantage. My mom screamed at my girlfriend to leave so we left.
I love both my girlfriend and my brother and I don't blame either one of them for the fight more then I blame the other. My girlfriend also doesn't seem to hold any grudges and is embarrassed by her behavior during the incident. My brother and parents on the other hand place 100% of the blame on my girlfriend and demand that I break up with her or they will cut all ties with me. I will not do that but I want to maintain my relationship with my family and somehow get them to accept my girlfriend and that she should not bear all blame for this incident.
My brother is also demanding that my girlfriend pay for his alleged medical expenses and is threatening to report her to the police if she refuse. My experience of growing up in this town makes me think sexism in the local police department makes it unlikely that anything would come of that report as they would almost certainly refuse to consider the possibility that a woman can assault a man. I have offered to pay off my brother but my girlfriend refuses to let me do that and says that she will pay him if he can prove that the medical expenses are real. My girlfriend still has clearly visible injuries but did not visit the hospital. I suggested that she go to get her injuries documented but she doesn't want to do that.
I just wish everyone could forget about this and move forward but writing this makes me think my family is acing unreasonably and perhaps I should just cut contact with them as they are threatening to do with me. Perhaps growing up with these people makes me blind to how ridiculous their behavior is? I don't know what I should do.
&nbsp;
[**[UPDATE] My [24M] girlfriend [24F] and my brother [26M] got into a fistfight over a political argument and now my family is demanding I break up with her**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i0vxsh/update_my_24m_girlfriend_24f_and_my_brother_26m/) - 30 July 2020
Thank you for all the advice and apologies for the vagueness of my original post. I showed it to my girlfriend and she agreed that it was vague and thought I left out important details. I will let her provide those details at the end.
You convinced me that it may actually matter who throw the first punch. Before making the original post, I had heard two mutually exclusive versions of events. One told by my girlfriend and one told by my parents and my brother. It's honestly very hard for me to believe that any of them would lie about something like this.
I have since reached out to everyone else who may have seen how it started and received two relevant replies. One from my aunt who confirmed my parents' and brother's version and one from my youngest sister (18f) who described a scenario similar to what my girlfriend had told me. Everyone who sided with my brother has obviously had the opportunity to talk with him and each other and intentionally or unintentionally influence each other's story. It's very unlikely that my girlfriend and sister has done that as they don't know each other and my sister would have no reason to lie for my girlfriend. I don't think there is a reasonable explanation for them telling the same story other then that it's the truth. I'm therefore almost certain that my brother hit my girlfriend first.
My parents have recanted the threat to cut ties with me for not braking up with my girlfriend but they are still saying that she is not welcome back to their home and "will never be part of our family". I'm honestly done with them at this point. She has done everything and more including being willing to pay for his medical expenses and my brother refuse to even hear her apology much less make his own or take any responsibility at all. At this point, I'm 100% behind my girlfriend just as my parents are 100% behind my brother.
Many people commenting on the original post asked if my brother is racist or assumed that he is after I revealed what the argument was about. I'm honestly not sure how to answer that. My brother sometimes repeats racist talking points from TV and social media especially against Hispanic people but last year he was strongly against the deportation of a neighboring family who had immigrated from Mexico. He even (probably facetiously) suggested that their deportation was a conspiracy to undermine Trump's immigration policy by deporting "good people instead of violent criminals". I have never heard my brother use a racial slur or seen him treat anyone differently because of their race. I guess the answer depends on how you define racism.
**TL;DR**: My brother probably throw the first punch and my family won't cut ties with me completely but I'm mostly done with them.
My girlfriend's comment:
> This is what I think happened based on what I remember, assume, and was told afterwards. It's probably not entirely correct.
>
> We where all sitting around a big outdoor table. I was sitting between my boyfriend and his brother. We talked about non-political things like places we had been or wanted to travel to but then someone mentioned the protests and my boyfriend's brother immediately responded by calling the protesters terrorists. I asked what made them terrorists and if the cops where also terrorists by that definition. I don't remember how he responded but the argument continued from there. We where drinking progressively more alcohol as we continued to argue, almost like if we were in an unspoken drinking contest. At some point we both stood up and continued to argue loudly while getting in each other’s face.
>
> My boyfriend tried to separate us by pulling us away from each other and by attempting to stand between us but we ignored him and continued. My boyfriend really doesn't like conflict or people screaming and he was probably very frustrated at that time so he left and went into the house. We where both angry and I definitely wanted to punch him but I still had enough self control to restrain myself. I fully believe in freedom of speech and I know that violence is never an acceptable response to someone expressing an opinion. Then he punched me with a closed fist in the face. I don't remember feeling afraid or like I was defending myself when I hit back. What I felt was a strange mix of hatred and excitement. We traded a few punches and then one of mine caused him to fall to the ground. I imminently kicked him in the chest and was then pulled away from him by his dad.
>
> That kick is what I regret the most. It was excessive, dangerous, and completely unnecessary. I kicked someone laying defenselessly on the ground and I didn't feel anything for him until several hours later. I'm terrified of the person I was then but that person is still me. I did that but I can't understand why. I was not afraid and I remember doing it deliberately. I keep thinking about what would have happened if no one was around to stop me after that kick. Would I have kicked him again? How many times? I can't answer those questions and that's the most terrifying thing.
>
> My boyfriend wrote that we both had substantial injuries. I don't think that's true. I had a black eye and some bruises. My boyfriend's brother had a broken rib and a concussion. My injuries were not substantial compared to his which is why I don't think it's unfair for me to pay for his medical bills. I would have done that even without the threat of reporting me to the police.
>
> Some comments on the post indicated that my boyfriend's brother should either be more to blame or should feel ashamed of losing because of his gender. I disagree. Gender should not have anything to do with this. It's possible that he feels differently and is ashamed of losing to a woman but I don't think he should feel that way even within that value system as it was essentially random. He could just as well have knocked me to the ground with his first punch. I don't think strength or skills played any significant role.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 14,149 | 2022-10-19T23:10:52 | My [24M] girlfriend [24F] and my brother [26M] got into a fistfight over a political argument and now my family is demanding I break up with her | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8hf5u/my_24m_girlfriend_24f_and_my_brother_26m_got_into/ | false | false | [
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y8hha5 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-10-19T23:13:32 | My boyfriend still can't get over his ex from 8 years ago. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8hha5/my_boyfriend_still_cant_get_over_his_ex_from_8/ | false | false | [
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y8is99 | *These posts were made by u/buzzerbees in r/adoption.*
[**Birth parents are married to each other, have full siblings**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/kmz4j6/birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other_have_full/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted January 2021
I was adopted at three months old. I had a dysfunctional family growing up, but I was cared for and loved. Both my adoptive parents passed away in separate car accidents, my dad when I was 17, and my mom three years ago, when I was 24.
I had a semi-open adoption, but my birth parents requested my adoptive parents stop sending them photos and updates about me when I was less than a year old.
I had a vague idea of who my birth parents were, I grew up knowing their names and I had several photos of them. I did a DNA test, and was matched with three full siblings, which shocked me. I was always told they were young, and that they barely knew each other, and wanted to further their education.
About three months ago I decided to google their names, and I found their social media. Turns out they are married to each other now, with seven more children they had together. I stalked them on Facebook a bit, and it seems like they have a relatively happy life.
I was shocked to find out I had seven full siblings, and that my sister who is closest in age to me, is actually only 11 months younger. I was even more shocked to find I have an older (full) brother who was not adopted out, who is only a a year and a few months older than me.
I ended up reaching out to my birth mother via Facebook, telling her that I would love to get to know her, that I’ve had a great life and that I have no expectations. She took a month to respond, and when she did she said she was surprised that I reached out, and to please not contact any of my siblings, as they aren’t aware of my existence.
I didn’t respond for a few days, but I ended up just asking her why she chose to give me up, and why never told anyone about me.
She responded and said that I was a NICU baby. She and my birth father were 17 when I was born, and they weren’t prepared to raise a disabled child. She said at the time, they were under the impression that I would never live independently, and that they weren’t in a place to have a special needs child.
I was again, shocked. I definitely was always in the lower price tiles for growth until puberty, but according to my grandmother by the time I was 8 months old I was hitting all the markers for regular mental development.
I have an MS in mathematics from a tier 1 university. I was an athlete in high school, and I never had any issues in school beyond being really horrible in art class. I’m married, with a child. I’m a fully functioning adult with a successful career and a family of my own, and it hurts to know I was given up on because of the slight chance I wouldn’t turn out perfect.
Part of me feels like I missed out on a life with siblings (I was raised an only child), and that I could still have a chance to know them and love them, that my daughter would have a chance to have cousins. My youngest siblings aren’t even in elementary school yet, and I could have a normal sibling bond with them, or at least be part of their lives from a young age, and I wish that I had that chance.
I’m not angry at my birth parents for giving me away, I don’t hate them. I’m hurt, but I’m not angry. I am angry that they’ve requested I not reach out to my adult siblings, and I’m considering doing it anyway.
[**Update: Birth parents are married to each other, have full siblings**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/ktg8b3/update_birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted February 2021
I've now met all of siblings. What originally turned out to be seven siblings, turned into eight when I learned I have a full sister who was also an adoptee.
I have spend every day for the past nine with one of my siblings. I have three adult brothers, and two adult sisters. My sister who is also an adoptee reunited with them two years ago. You would never know she didn't grow up with them. The five of them mesh so seamlessly. I would be dishonest if I said they felt like strangers to me. I feel like I've known the five of them my entire life in some ways, despite only a bit more than a week having passed.
The call themselves 'First Batch' and they call our younger siblings 'Second Litter.' It is funnier and more catchy in our language, haha. I am now a part of the 'first batch' text threat, and social media group. It is odd, and insane. They're unfamiliar to me in almost every way, but it's more like seeing a best friend after being torn apart by war or tragedy.
My oldest biological brother is 29. My younger biological sister and I are both 27, thought I will be 28 in a few weeks. My younger sister who was also adopted out is 25, she will be 26 on the same day I turn 28. The twins who are the youngest of my grown siblings are 23. We all have winter birthdays.
I cannot imagine what my birth parents went through. My birth mother had six children between the ages of 15 and 21. I understand why she adopted out two of her children. I cannot imagine the weight on her shoulders.
Six of us are adults, and then there is a considerable age gap, three of my siblings are minors, a brother who is 12, and two under the age of six. My birth father arranged through my biological grandparents for me to meet the three of them, four days ago.
My youngest biological sister is four years old. She is the cutest little girl (aside from my own daughter!) I've ever met. She came up to me, tugged me down to her level, and then touched my hair. She said "Do you know you have curly hair?" I nodded, and she told me that now we were twins, because we were with only sisters with curly hair. I cried and laughed.
My youngest brother is younger than my own daughter.
My 12 year old biological brother hugged me, and cried a lot. We are the only two of nine who have brown hair, the rest have shades of blonde and strawberry.
He and I are strikingly similar. I'll say this again, it is so odd to see your own face in the faces of others. It's never something I've had and in the last week and few days, I have been overwhelmed by the shock of sharing mannerisms and features with those around me.
I met my birth father, he explained that he was young and he thought he did the right thing, and he's happy to see I turned out well. He cried more than he spoke.
Last night I video chatted with the 'first batch' siblings, and I met three of my first cousins via zoom. They are a set of siblings, my biological aunt's children. A female cousin and her younger brothers. All close to age as me. They were born and raised in North America, with an American father, thought one of my male cousins lives in our country, he married a girl from here and they have daughter the same age as mine. I will be meeting him and his wife on Monday.
My female cousin and I look so alike, I cried when I saw her face on the screen. My siblings and I are all very similar looking. We are clearly related. However, my cousin and I have the same face and laughter. It was so odd to hear an American accent out of my own face.
This set of cousins is very close with my siblings. My female cousin is a flight attendant/cabin crew. This is the only other career I ever seriously consider besides my own. It is also the same job as my own husband. These little coincidences and likenesses are the things I've been missing my entire life. She has a maths degree, she and I have texted all day today.
Apparently it is a joke among our extended family that her and her brothers look like they belong to my biological parents, instead of their own, and I understand why. All three of them are brown haired, darker eyed versions of my own biological siblings, and in this way I look more like them. It is so strange to see my face in the faces of others.
\*\*This very long post summarised\*\*
Part of me is a bit bitter about the years lost; having siblings near my age to brave the strange world through the lens of childhood with. Summer holidays in the states with cousins, one who shares my face and dreams.
I did have a wonderful mother and father, and I could never regret the life I've had. Grandparents, siblings, and cousins are all things I've never had until now. I have a reason to go to America (after covid), I'm going to meet my cousin (in person) next week (something I never thought I would say).
My husband is excited too, to have a big extended family. We are considered very young in our country to have kids, and now we know other young parents.
[**Update on having married birth parents and full siblings**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/l3yejb/update_on_having_married_birth_parents_and_full/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted February 2021
My daughter had her third play date with her auntie, uncle, first and second cousins. Never in my life did I dream my child would have familial playmates in the same age group.
I was always a bit of a loner. It was hard to make friends. I lost both my adoptive parents quite young, and had no living adoptive relatives. My husband is an only child. I never dreamed of an extended family for myself or my daughter. She now has living great grandparents who lived in our neighbourhood.
I’m never going to discredit the love my adoptive parents had for me. They were amazing. However my childhood was dysfunctional and heartbreakingly lonely. My life has been lonely. Now I feel like I really would have people there for me, for my child if anything crazy were to happen. A support system.
**Comments from OOP that provide more context:**
[**OOPs comments in this thread**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/kmz4j6/birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other_have_full/ghhra7x/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I reached out to four of them this morning via various social media sites. I already got a response from my older biological brother, asking for my phone number!
———
A bit too late, as we have already met in person. I’ve discovered many of them know people I know, and after friending my sisters on Facebook, we actually have real life mutual friends, which is the craziest thing. Perhaps I’m jumping in too fast and I am guarding my heart the best I can.
———
We ended up meeting up in a park with our children (all masked), later than day. Two of my biological brothers were there. My older biological brother showed me poems and essays he wrote growing up, most titled some variation around “the sisters who went away.” It broke my heart, and he said he never stopped thinking about me (he found out about me via our biological grandmother), and our other biological sister who was adopted out, several years after I was.
I had breakfast (outside) with the same two biological brothers this morning. We discovered that my biological grandmother and father live in the same neighbourhood as me, and I met them over zoom. I waved to them from the porch on the drive home, and my daughter did some very impressive cartwheels for them this afternoon in their front yard. My biological grandmother blew kisses, and cheered my daughter on. She’s now making her a quilt.
I have plans to meet my biological sister who is only 11 months younger than me tomorrow, along with a sister who is exactly two years younger to the day (we have the same birthday). I’ve now had contact with all my biological siblings that are over 18.
My biological sister who is two years younger was also adopted out when she was six months, she is a below the knee amputee, and our birth parents felt unable led to care for her.
We all grew up within 40 km/25 miles of each other. Both my sisters that I am meeting tomorrow work in the same industry as me. I went to the same university as my older brother, at the same time, though I don’t recall ever meeting him.
It’s so odd to see your face in the faces of other people. I never imagined that they would want to love and know me, and according to my biological grandmother (miss me every year). I honestly don’t care if I never have a relationship with my birth parents.
I understand a lot of this is very new, and I don’t entirely know if it will all end well, but I have no regrets reaching out.
My (adoptive) parents gave me a beautiful life. It wasn’t perfect, but it was ours and I miss them every day. It breaks my heart that they never got to meet my daughter, or partner. I know this won’t make up for the loss of them, but I do feel like I have the chance at an extended family.
[**OOPs comment in this thread**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/kmz4j6/birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other_have_full/ghna32r/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
My birth parents apparently married at 18, but had 3 children before they were married.
[**OOPs comment in this thread**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/kmz4j6/birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other_have_full/ghnj4v1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I specifically mentioned adult siblings in my original post. I never had any intention of reaching out to my underage biological siblings without birth parent’s consent.
[**OOPs comment in this thread**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/kmz4j6/birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other_have_full/ghnjjw6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
My birth parents on two separate occasions chose to adopt out their two biological children who had any chance of facing difficulty. I now know my young biological sister and I were adopted out because we had “less than desirable handicaps”. Myself I was slightly developmentally delayed physically, until like two, my sister required a below the knee amputation several months after birth. My parents gave us both up for adoption and kept the children they deemed fit. I really doubt this is not a case of ableism.
Both my biological sister and I are actually mathematicians. Clearly we have the ability to grow Up is almost entirely normal individuals. We live in a country that has a very very strong social safety net and public health care. I highly doubt they wouldn’t have qualified for government assistance.
I’m not so much upset about my own adoption, as I am for that of my younger biological sister it was already six months old when she was adopted out, and was adopted out into an extremely abusive family from what it sounds like. Granted I’ve only heard secondhand from my biological brother.
[**OOPs comments in this thread**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/kmz4j6/birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other_have_full/ghnjtp7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
That clearly isn’t the case with me. After speaking with my adoptive grandmother from what she understands that was never the case. I never heard anything like that growing up for my own parents. I have a strong intuition that my birth mother is lying. I was developmentally delayed for a very short period of time. I performed a normal an above average levels the rest of my life. I’m average in height now, I have a successful career, Live independently and have a family of my own.
My birth parents wouldn’t of had to have spent the bulk of their income, as we live in a country with a very very strong social safety net. I’m not from the United States or Canada.
———
My feelings about my own birth parents are mine to have, and I am 100% within my right to state them. It’s wrong to constantly push out children, when you chose to adopt out two out of four of them in a four year period. I don’t feel bad about saying that.
———
I have empathy for parents of disable children in countries where resources are not available to them. That is not the case at all in the country in which I live. I don’t think people who give up disable children are evil and heartless. I do think people who constantly have more and more children, when their children themselves pretty much, and then give up the two they think are defective are wrong.
[**OOPs comments in this thread**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/ktg8b3/update_birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other/gim3q29/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Multiple relatives have said she's ecstatic how well things are going between my siblings and myself, but she has no desire to ever have contact with me.
My biological family has pretty much reintegrated my biological sister who was also adopted out back into the family. They first reunited a few years ago. My biological sister is extremely close with all of them, she even lives with our other biological sister (who was not adopted out).
Her and my birth mother attend the same family gatherings, but they do not speak and it works for them. They have perfunctory contact out of necessity and shared loved ones. They have no personal relationship and my sister respects that our birth mother does not want to get to know her.
I imagine if I things unfold in a similar way for me as they have my biological sister, my birth mother and I will have a similar relationship.
I appreciate how hard all of this must be for her, and I want to respect her request for no contact as much as I can, fostering a relationship with the rest our our shared family. (:
I was so angry initially, then I remembered what it was like to be 17, and I am just sad now.
———
From what it sounds like she has grieved the loss of giving us away, and she's happy with her life the way is without opening up those old wounds.
From what my biological sister says (the one who is also an adoptee), our birth mother is never rude or unkind. Whenever someone crosses a line in regards to forcing her to interact with my biological sister, our birth mother states openly that she isn't comfortable being part of the conversation, removes herself from the scenario, but she never tries to stop other people from talking about things or inviting my biological sister to family gatherings.
———
I think we all process this game in different ways, for her this may just look like what trying to live healthy looks like.
I actually had dinner with her, my birth father, and my husband last night. It was super pleasant. We didn’t discuss anything related to our familial relationship, but we talked about hairstyles, television shows, and the like. When I discussed anything related to adoption, she stayed quiet, but smiled and my brother father and I spoke about it.
Very excited to be a part of this family. I think age definitely plays a factor. Thank you so much for your kind words, wishing the best for you and your family.
[**OOPs comment on a different post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/comments/ktg4ai/why_i_rejected_a_reunion_with_the_child_i_placed/gilzbho/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I am so sorry you went through this. I recently reunited with my birth family, and though my mother requested to have no contact, I did reach out to my ADULT biological siblings against her wishes. They welcomed me with open arms. If they had asked for no contact, I would have respected that.
*Reminder: this is not my story.* | 7,064 | 2022-10-20T00:11:38 | Birth parents are married to each other, have full siblings | CONCLUDED | green_girl15 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8is99/birth_parents_are_married_to_each_other_have_full/ | false | false | [
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y8it4g | Trigger warning: >!endangerment of a disabled child, unsafe home environment for a child, drugs, animal death, animal endangerment!<
Mood spoiler: >!sad but hopeful!<
*Disclaimer: I am not the original author. OOP is u/poksoooosoo28 in r/legaladvice.*
[Original BORU compilation](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/gcuc2s/neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont_stop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted April 2020 ago by u/bestupdator.
[**Neighbors child has disabilities and won't stop climbing the fence, entering my house and "freeing" my dogs**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b93dx3/neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont_stop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted March 2019
For the past 7 months after moving in to my new house with my daughter and dogs the neighbors child who's 15/16 and has pretty severe downs syndrome has increasingly been entering my property and home.
At first I just talked to the neighbors and they were at first really sorry and vowed to monitor her more while she's in their backyard. However after a few months they just genuinely do not care anymore and brush it off.
I've installed security cameras in the backyard and front yard purely for my own safety insurance wise because we do have a pool.
She will climb the fence into my yard (6' wooden privacy fence) with a ladder from their shed and let my dogs out. I've fixed her letting my dogs "free" as she says by using chains and padlocks on the two gates. Before this became a common occurrence she even would let the dogs out of the house and then "free" them.
Numerous times if my garage door is open she will leave their backyard and just walk into my house to free my dogs. I don't know what the purpose is other than it's something she just has to do for whatever reason.
When she climbs into the backyard (sometimes when I'm not even home) and she cannot get back out she begins screaming and crying and just shuts down. Before I started chaining and locking my gates because of her releasing my dogs her parents would just walk in and get her and leave. Now since I've chained it they start a huge fit about me having her locked in my backyard and they have to climb the fence, bring the ladder over and carry her back over. Somehow this is my fault.
Now I'm not really blaming her because she mentally doesn't know any better, she has some very severe issues and she's damn lucky my dogs are super nice (purebred German Shepard, an English bulldog and a mix Sheppard/bulldog).
I just honestly worry about her safety in the backyard, climbing fences and her seemingly not being watched as she needs to be. I have a pool and if she falls in when I'm not home she could very well drown. That's why I installed security cameras to cover my own ass if that ever happens, I truly hope it never does but it seems her parents just put her in the backyard and that's it.
I've called the local child and family services office (CPS) several times in the past two months to report it because I feel she is at risk with her parents inattentiveness and their seemingly not caring attitude of her just going into people's yards, garages, houses etc. I have a full garage of power tools, table saws etc that I've now had to resort to flipping the breaker off when I open the doors out of fear she may severely injure herself.
I feel like I've done everything I can, talked to the parents numerous times, called child and family services, installed cameras, locked my gates further. I just have no idea what to do now? I've debated calling the police when she enters but I don't know how that will escalate.
[**Top Comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b93dx3/neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont_stop/ek2dbk2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
As someone who had exactly this happen I can tell you that the first time something serious happens to her, you are going to liable and they are going to come after you. For 2 years I dealt with my neighbors kid coming over, opening my gate, and doing whatever she pleased. Let my last dog out to the point I had to keep him inside and learn crate training. When I put a lock on the gate she would climb the fence and fall over the side, this is where she got hurt one time and the parents tried to sue me for her broken arm and the piece of lattice that stabbed through the her arm.
I had multiple calls to police, videos, and a declaration that stated the family was not allowed on my property (restraining order) and I had my insurance involved with the whole thing in case something did happen. They didn't have a case in the long run and although they tried to plaster me as a asshole neighbor with no compassion for their autistic kid, once it happened again where another neighbors dog ended being killed from running into the street, the whole neighborhood got the same thing I have.
Get a restraining order, get a property attorney involved and call the cops. Her parents obviously don't give a shit about your property. So get your ducks in a row and get records going. Any and all videos are helpful.
Without all that I would have owed to this day probably. Not worth it.
[**(Update) Neighbors child has disabilities and won't stop climbing the fence, entering my house and "freeing" my dogs**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bhaof3/update_neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted April 2019
I'm sad about this update for the kid, I took the majority of the given advice and called the police non-emergency number and asked for an officer to come out because I had questions about an issue I'm having and briefly explained it.
Officer shows up, I invite him in and explain the whole situation. He isn't really sure what to do about it right now so he asked for a supervisor come to his position. Supervisor shows up and I go over the whole thing again, we go upstairs to my computer where I have all the videos clipped and saved (9 times of her entering the backyard and 4 of her entering the house through the garage).
We watched each one and he gets on his cellphone and goes back to his car. A few minutes later he comes back with 3 flash drives and asks me to copy the videos over to the drive and had me fill out a piece of paper stating what I put on the drive and then signed it, I repeated it all 3 times.
About 45 minutes later after we have been talking and he's been on and off his cellphone the entire time, 2 CPS workers show up and review the videos again and take a complete statement from me going back to the first time it happened. This took about two hours because they wanted it to be precise and as accurate as I remember it and left out anything I wasn't 100% sure on.
The officers and CPS workers head next door to talk to the parents, parents apparently shut the door in their faces and said they didn't want to talk but because of my statement and the videos of her climbing over, getting stuck, having to be carried back over the times I'm at work or gone and just entering the house they had probable cause to enter the home anyways.
After they were inside their house for about 10-15 minutes another cop car shows up followed by another a few minutes later. I'm in my garage so I don't know exactly what happened inside but after more officers showed up the father was put in the back of a car and the daughter was put into the CPS workers van and they left. The father was driven away about 10 minutes after that, then about an hour later the mother is also put into the back of a car and they drive away.
I talked to the initial officer that showed up and asked for a supervisor and he tells me they found drugs (pills not in prescription bottles/not their prescriptions) and that the home was just not being taken care of inside and definitely not a safe environment for a child. Said they found drugs not secured and in areas the child had access to them.
I haven't seen them since the day after the post, I feel bad for the kid being in that situation and me being a neighbor not even knowing and my not wanting to call the cops (I didn't think it was anything like they found, I just figured it is really tough raising a kid and add on top of that severe mental disabilities and it's even tougher). I should have called them earlier once the CPS reports I was doing over the phone didn't ever do anything.
*Again, this is not my story.* | 5,618 | 2022-10-20T00:12:47 | Neighbors child has disabilities and won't stop climbing the fence, entering my house and "freeing" my dogs | REPOST | green_girl15 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8it4g/neighbors_child_has_disabilities_and_wont_stop/ | false | false | [
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y8iyjn | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/bigoleguy630 in r/loseit**
trigger warning: >!suicidal thoughts!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I am 6 feet tall, and I weigh 630 pounds.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/4jak1i/i_am_6_feet_tall_and_i_weigh_630_pounds/) - 14 May 2016
5/14/16
I am a 33-year-old male. I am 6 feet tall, and I weigh 630 pounds. In 2010, I weighed 560 and lost my way down to 450 over the course of 10 months by attending a weight loss clinic. It was expensive, but a family member offered to foot the bill as long as I went. The gave me Phentermine and a diet plan. I had to stop going after the family member couldn't pay it anymore. I tried my best not to let that affect me. I have kept some good habits from my diet. I eat more fish and chicken than red meat. I drink a lot more water still. My blood work is excellent. It was done last month. My A1C, cholesterol, blood pressure, and thyroid are all at normal levels.
Slowly I gained all my weight back and more. In 2014, I started having extreme knee pains. I went to the doc and had x-rayed and diagnosed with degenerative arthritis. I went to an orthopedic doctor who said I likely have a torn meniscus possibly in both knees, but they cannot do an MRI due to my size. The only thing my insurance will cover is cortisone injections. They wear off after about two weeks. I can have these three times a year. I walk with a cane. I cannot stand up straight for more than 10 seconds. I cannot walk more than about 100 ft. Now that I am even less active than I have been my entire life I have gained to the weight of 630 pounds.
I am in the process now of seeing my docs for the lap band surgery. I am about half way to having the procedure done. Monday is my consult with a surgeon. I am excited about this.
I weigh myself at a truck weigh station. My outlook on life is very bleak. This week I have forced myself to start eating less and better. I have done well I think. I only ordered out once this week. I had a salad that had lettuce, cucumber, sauteed mushrooms, onions, grilled chicken, and bacon. I am still having a hard time fighting the cravings for sweets. But I am finding that multiple times a day I struggle with wanting to keep going. I want to do it. I do. But I feel like such a burden to my family. I want to die sometimes. I feel like giving up. I just can't do that to my daughter. I can't do that to my wife. I have to keep doing it for them.
I am not sure what is the point of my rambling. Maybe I am reaching out for motivation. Maybe I can inspire someone who is not quite to the point that I am to change before they get this bad. I don't know. I just needed to vent. I need someone to hear me.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: I am 6 feet tall, and I weigh 620 pounds!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/4jfl7z/update_i_am_6_feet_tall_and_i_weigh_620_pounds/) - 15 May 2016
I am so happy and excited from the support you guys showed me yesterday. I have spent most of my time at work today going through all of the information you've sent me. I want to lose it more than ever now. Well, I weighed myself last Sunday, the 8th, and I weighed 630. As I stated in my last post, I have been doing better this week. So after reading your comments I couldn't wait to see if I had made any progress and on the way home I stopped at the truck scales to see. I lost 10 pounds!
I want to do even better for next week. This week I will be making more changes and employing a lot of the advice I was given.
Several of you gave me your myfitnesspal usernames, and I want you to have mine as well.
I will also leave my twitter as I will have myfitnesspal update twitter with my progress as well.
myfitnesspal: https://www.myfitnesspal.com/profile/reallybigbones
twitter: https://twitter.com/thetoolz
I just want to say thanks so much for all of the love. I can't wait to update next week.
edit: I've had messages calling me a fraud. This is the best I can offer for proof right now. https://i.imgur.com/DQ0HI6zh.jpg
&nbsp;
[**[SV] bigoleguy630 is back with an update after a week of tracking my intake and making better choices.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/4kgdgd/sv_bigoleguy630_is_back_with_an_update_after_a/) - 22 May 2016
**Sunday 5/15** - I felt superb on Sunday. I felt like I could do anything! The support I received was amazing. Thank you all. On May 8th, I weighed and the scale was alternating between 620 and 640 which I have been told indicates that it is right in between the point at which the scale would round up. So 630ish. But when I stopped by today it read a solid 620. I was excited. For a week, I had cut out take out food, full-calorie soda, and snacks/candy. Tonight I started logging everything in my fitness pal as recommended by nearly everyone in the previous threads.
**Monday 5/16** - Monday I had my first consultation with the surgeon who will be performing my bariatric surgery. They had a scale there that would accurately measure me. I stepped on the scale, and it read 614.4 lbs. This made me feel great! The doctor also informed me that I was mistaken about my insurance. They called and found out that my insurance covers all procedures except for the Lap Band which he refuses to do anyhow. I guess when I called my insurance company I spoke with an idiot. We decided to pursue the sleeve gastrectomy with the option of gastric bypass if he gets his tools and scope inside me and it seems like it'd be easy to perform. The issue with going ahead with bypass is the doctor has issues moving the tools around well enough inside of people my size. The surgeon has lived with the gastric bypass himself for the last 12 years, and he was able to answer all of the personal questions I had regarding his experience.
**Tuesday 5/17** - I went to a bariatric surgery support group as part of my preparation for having surgery. I let my ten-year-old come with me as my support person. I think it was eye-opening for her as well. She is on the high side of what is normal for her height and age but not overweight. We went out to a restaurant after the group. I ordered a salad, and she got a veggie sub instead of cheese bread or a burger like she normally would. We talked about how we are going to ride bikes together when I get down low enough. I am so proud of her, and I can't wait to be able to get out with her and do things again.
I started receiving a lot of unsolicited and conflicting 'advice' about my food diary on MFP. Some messages were telling me I need to eat more, some to eat less, and some nitpicking about individual food selections and how it was prepared. I changed my diary from public to private as I was making small, manageable changes as most of you (and my doc) recommended.
**Wednesday 5/18** - This was an easy day as I transitioned over to night-shift for work and mostly slept.
**Thursday 5/19** - This was a rough day as my cravings for sweets got the better of me. I broke down and got a Snickers and a Baja Blast Mountain Dew. I wasn't going to let it keep me down, though. I was still eating far less and less often than I used to.
**Friday 5/20** - Another rough day. It rained all day. I was still having hard cravings. I picked up a burger for dinner but still stayed under my calorie goal.
**Saturday 5/21** - Today was good. I knew my sis was visiting, and we usually go out and eat. I had a protein charged oatmeal for breakfast, skipped lunch, and we had New York style pizza for dinner.
Tonight, on my way home from pizza, I stopped at the scale, and it lingered on 580 for just a second and rolled over to 600. I am going to say it's a solid 600. I have lost 30 pounds in two weeks. I stayed under my calories every single day but am not proud of some of my food choices. I realize just how many calories I had been putting in my body.
I am seeing where I am overeating most of the time looking back at my old routine. I work nights, and I wake at about 10 PM. I have the leftovers of whatever my wife made for her and my daughter for dinner, and I leave the house with a packed lunch. When I get home from work at 8:30 AM I have breakfast. At noon I have lunch and at 2 PM I am in bed. That's four meals. I have been doing this for five years. I got into such a routine of eating this way that I have not stopped to think about just how much this is in a long time.
This week I feel like I am in control. As an exercise in self-control, aside from controlling my diet, I am trying to stop biting my nails. They are baby steps but they are adding up, and I am feeling great. If you've read this far, thank you so much for listening to me. Logging/journaling all of this has been a great therapeutic experience.
**TL;DR** - Down to 600, possibly below, and feeling great. Thanks for the support.
I absolutely love the support I have been getting from y'all on Twitter and MFP. Here are my profiles for both:
myfitnesspal: https://www.myfitnesspal.com/profile/reallybigbones
twitter: https://twitter.com/thetoolz
&nbsp;
[**Made a depressing post here a year ago. I weighed 634 lbs. Made a lot of changes in my life since then and...**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/66wnmd/made_a_depressing_post_here_a_year_ago_i_weighed/) - 22 April 2017
As of today, I weigh 487. Nearly 150 pounds down. There have been a few ups and downs along the way. Mostly ups. A lot of people have been messaging me for updates. So I will try my best to do it chronologically.
https://m.imgur.com/NbyGBPx I decided to edit with a progress picture.
After my last post, I continued going to meetings with my primary care doctor on a monthly basis as my health care provider requires 6 months of uninterrupted visits to your doc to qualify for weight loss surgery. I also did regular meetings with a dietitian and a psychiatrist. These are also required. They all helped me tremendously.
I wanted to start exercising but my knees hurt so tremendously bad. The best advice I received was to start swimming. I love to swim. But there aren't that many options close to me. My daughter was out for summer break, my wife started working, and I worked nights so I got to watch her during the day. I couldn't think of a better way to spend our summer together than to just drive to the pool 3-4 times per week. So that's what we did all summer. We were there when the pool opened and stayed there until we were sick of the water. We got killer tans and a shit load of exercise.
Then came fall. I fell back into old routines. Not exercising and eating high calorie foods. However, I kept going to all my doctors appointments. I had a sleep study done and of course it turns out I have sleep apnea. So now I sleep with a cpap machine. It helps me sleep so much better and not feel so sluggish all the time. If you wake up gasping for air or wake up with headaches, do yourself a favor and have a sleep study.
By the time October rolled around I had not lost any more weight but I also hadn't gained any. I was hovering around 600 - 610. My surgeon's office called to tell me my surgery got approved and I had an operation date of Dec 13th. I have been considering this surgery for the last 15 years but had mostly thought of it as the easy way out. Boy, let me tell you. It isn't. The work leading up to surgery took about 8 months and involved so many doctors appointments. If week went by and I didn't have to get to a doctor somewhere, it felt like vacation. Everyone won't have this experience but the company I went through for my surgery really wants to make sure you are successful. My insurance company also required a good deal of it as well. Primary care visits, psychiatrist, pulmonary doctor, sleep study, dietitian, support groups, and more.
They tell you not to do this but I did. Knowing that after surgery I would not be able to eat much, I ate all my favorite foods and visited all my favorite restaurants. Then stuffed myself at Thanksgiving. Finally, 2 weeks until surgery I had to go on a low carb diet to reduce the size of my liver so there will be more room for the operation. 2 days before surgery I had to go strictly liquid. By the time of my surgery, I weighed 600 pounds even. I had surgery and everything went well. I was out of the hospital in 2 days.
Gastric Bypass is by far the hardest thing I have ever tried to do in my life. Most of the time I am very happy with my decision. I do have moments where it feels like the biggest mistake I ever made. Those are generally times when I am really craving pizza, Chinese food, or a giant cheeseburger and I cannot eat it. 4 months out and I can still only eat about 2 ounce at a time and my stomach is very picky about what goes in it.
I did very well at first with protein shakes. After a month, any shakes made me vomit. So I did some research and found GenePro protein powder on Amazon. I mix it with apple and orange juice to make sure I get my protein in. After the first month, I went through about 6 weeks of extreme nausea. I was put on Zofran and Reglan. I made it past the nausea stage and I am doing better at stomaching meat and food in general. I can't handle much meat or anything greasy or overly sugary as it causes me to vomit after about 10 minutes. Sometimes for breakfast I eat a piece of toast. Feels good to have bread every now and then. For snacks I have been hooked on peanuts and sunflower seeds. Sometimes I will have a spoonful of peanut butter or a bite of cheese.
My first goal was to be 499. Under 500 pounds. As of last night, I weighed 487! That's 147 pounds down from my highest weight last year! I no longer weigh myself on a truck scale but on a scale at home that goes to 550. I get around so much better and none of my clothes fit. I am trying to hold off on buying new clothes as I am losing about 4-8 pounds per week. Every week it feels like I am moving better, I have more energy, and I get out and do more.
I want to post some progress pics (I added a pic above) but I am still warming up to the idea. I want to thank everyone for the love and support that got me through my hardest point last year when I was about to give up. The more positive changes I make in my life, the more I want to do to better myself.
**TL;DR** Started a journey last year to make less of myself. Had gastric bypass and went from 634 to 487.
If you want to add me on MFP my profile can be found here: https://www.myfitnesspal.com/profile/reallyBigBones
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 2,041 | 2022-10-20T00:19:51 | I am 6 feet tall, and I weigh 630 pounds. | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8iyjn/i_am_6_feet_tall_and_i_weigh_630_pounds/ | false | false | [
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