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1 | report: 70% of trump endorsements made after staring at bedroom ceiling for 4 hours | https://politics.theonion.com/report-70-of-trump-endorsements-made-after-staring-at-1819578914 |
0 | study finds american diets are poor (but improving!) | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/us-diets-slowly-improving_us_5638d73be4b079a43c049dc4 |
0 | after decades of effort, chemists overseas report 'nano' breakthrough | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/star-of-david-molecule_n_5862096.html |
1 | produce section bursts into laughter after will ferrell makes casual remark about apples | https://entertainment.theonion.com/produce-section-bursts-into-laughter-after-will-ferrell-1819567542 |
1 | dad immediately hands phone to mom | https://local.theonion.com/dad-immediately-hands-phone-to-mom-1819566192 |
0 | my worst audition ever? or, the danger of playing paddle ball, chewing gum, and singing "we built this city" simultaneously | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-worst-audition-ever-o_b_6200400.html |
0 | how states can help 5 million kids with a parent behind bars | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/casey-report-incarcerated-parents-children_us_571a7f03e4b0d912d5fe9e46 |
1 | local man's fear of snakes increases with each snakebite | https://local.theonion.com/local-mans-fear-of-snakes-increases-with-each-snakebite-1819568467 |
1 | vespa corporation enchants another slight little man-child | https://www.theonion.com/vespa-corporation-enchants-another-slight-little-man-ch-1819589603 |
0 | the smithereens lead singer pat dinizio dead at 62 | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/pat-dinizio-dead-62_us_5a316287e4b01bdd76595774 |
1 | standards lowered for second search through fridge | https://local.theonion.com/standards-lowered-for-second-search-through-fridge-1819592312 |
0 | miley cyrus' 'wrecking ball' could be kelly clarkson's best cover yet | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/miley-cyrus-wrecking-ball-kelly-clarkson-cover_us_55bd2ae4e4b0d4f33a031143 |
0 | watch: why mirrors flip things sideways but not upside down | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-mirrors-flip-things-sideways-but-not-upside-down_n_6704792.html |
1 | man in international airport only speaks business | https://www.theonion.com/man-in-international-airport-only-speaks-business-1819567472 |
1 | area mother enters 16th year of post-partum depression | https://local.theonion.com/area-mother-enters-16th-year-of-post-partum-depression-1819586496 |
0 | watch prince harry and rihanna get tested for hiv together | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rihanna-prince-harry-hiv-test_us_58403f65e4b0c68e047f20ec |
0 | 11 doodles to help you hang in there after heartbreak | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/doodles-to-help-you-hang-in-there-after-heartbreak_us_58bd9899e4b0d8c45f452087 |
0 | rep confirms those david bowie rumors about scattering his ashes at burning man are 'untrue' | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rep-confirms-those-david-bowie-rumors-about-scattering-his-ashes-at-burning-man-are-untrue_us_57d6c72ee4b03d2d459b6802 |
1 | historians suggest 'goodfellas' youtube clips may be fragments of larger work | https://entertainment.theonion.com/historians-suggest-goodfellas-youtube-clips-may-be-fr-1819655088 |
1 | department of agriculture locates perfect goat | https://www.theonion.com/department-of-agriculture-locates-perfect-goat-1819575571 |
0 | activist remembers those he met on 6,000-mile walk for equality (video) | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/activist-remembers-those-_b_7122288.html |
1 | cocksucker beats up motherfucker | https://local.theonion.com/cocksucker-beats-up-motherfucker-1819567714 |
0 | hero cop saves 3-year-old girl's life on his wedding day | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cops-saves-girl-wedding-day_us_58e75d0fe4b00de141022de8 |
0 | rnc leader to trump: tone it down! | https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-could-damage-the-republican-image-party-leaders-worry/2015/07/08/2ec75b4c-25ab-11e5-b72c-2b7d516e1e0e_story.html |
1 | wheelchair-bound student would have preferred to sit out pep rally | https://local.theonion.com/wheelchair-bound-student-would-have-preferred-to-sit-ou-1819567312 |
0 | this video nails the messed up way anti-abortion legislation gets pushed | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-video-nails-the-messed-up-way-anti-abortion-legislation-gets-pushed_us_585973abe4b03904470af9d2 |
1 | nation checks out cnn.com to see what their old pals the tsarnaevs and castros are up to | https://www.theonion.com/nation-checks-out-cnn-com-to-see-what-their-old-pals-th-1819574972 |
1 | 47-second clip from 'family ties' season 3 now available on youtube | https://entertainment.theonion.com/47-second-clip-from-family-ties-season-3-now-availabl-1822304939 |
1 | mom announces plans to get out some of your old baby stuff and quietly stare at it | https://local.theonion.com/mom-announces-plans-to-get-out-some-of-your-old-baby-st-1829299022 |
0 | why russell simmons wants trump to win the gop nomination | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/russell-simmons-trump-win-primary_us_569d3d11e4b0778f46fa574b |
1 | members of opening band walking among crowd during intermission like gods among men | https://entertainment.theonion.com/members-of-opening-band-walking-among-crowd-during-inte-1819575375 |
1 | shy friend experimenting with personality | https://www.theonion.com/shy-friend-experimenting-with-personality-1819567585 |
0 | rick perry on donald trump's proposed border wall: 'you can't do that' | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rick-perry-donald-trump-border-wall_us_5783b228e4b01edea78ea889 |
0 | qatar said to run a covert training camp for syrian rebels with u.s. help | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/syrian-rebels-qatar-us_n_6225068.html |
0 | rubio and cruz have 'anti-lgbt' advisory boards. where is trump's? | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rubio-cruz-trump-anti-lgbt-board_us_56e045a9e4b0b25c9180451c |
1 | jay inslee smashes through wall of town hall in solar-powered mech suit to announce climate change plan | https://politics.theonion.com/jay-inslee-smashes-through-wall-of-town-hall-in-solar-p-1834619964 |
1 | parents' password a grotesque combination of children's names, birthdays | https://local.theonion.com/parents-password-a-grotesque-combination-of-children-s-1819578888 |
0 | 'harry potter' tops facebook's '10 books that stayed with you' meme and no one is surprised | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/harry-potter-facebook_n_5793096.html |
1 | christian weightlifter bends iron bar to show power of god's love | https://sports.theonion.com/christian-weightlifter-bends-iron-bar-to-show-power-of-1819566429 |
0 | asu + gsv report: teachers and tech tools | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/asu-gsv-report-teachers-a_b_7018256.html |
0 | what your movements may reveal about how you'll get along with another person | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/movement-personality-traits_us_56f291eee4b0c3ef521740b0 |
0 | blue-collar democrats to party: it's still the economy, stupid | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/blue-collar-democrats-to-party-its-still-the-economy-stupid_us_58382f9be4b000af95ee1623 |
0 | 'draft biden' effort debuts its first tv ad | https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.politico.com/story/2015/10/draft-joe-biden-2016-first-ad-214497 |
1 | stomach sets aside synthetic additives until it has a few minutes to figure out how to digest them | https://local.theonion.com/stomach-sets-aside-synthetic-additives-until-it-has-a-f-1819578356 |
1 | trump regrets choosing kavanaugh after supreme court nominee keeps talking about how much he respects women | https://politics.theonion.com/trump-regrets-choosing-kavanaugh-after-supreme-court-no-1829335851 |
0 | 5-year-old channels solange knowles for perfectly recreated album cover | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/girl-recreates-solange-knowles-a-seat-at-the-table_us_57f7ff70e4b0e655eab40fe3 |
0 | kanye west and kim kardashian provide blueprint for true love at vmas | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kanye-west-kim-kardashian-love-vmas_us_55e3b8f7e4b0aec9f353a630 |
1 | south dakota asked to water north dakota's crops over the weekend | https://www.theonion.com/south-dakota-asked-to-water-north-dakotas-crops-over-th-1819566843 |
0 | obama pledges to do more to stop the 'epidemic of gun violence' | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/obama-gun-control_us_56869330e4b0b958f65bbb1b |
0 | alexa and google home record what you say. but what happens to that data? | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/alexa-and-google-home-record-what-you-say-but-what_us_5845b645e4b0496fbcb0c2a6 |
0 | this is the tiger that earl woods raised | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-is-the-tiger-that-ea_b_7275154.html |
1 | exasperated huckabee sanders reminds press corps that children under 14 can't feel pain | https://politics.theonion.com/exasperated-huckabee-sanders-reminds-press-corps-that-c-1827054897 |
1 | non-priest arrested on charges of child molestation | https://www.theonion.com/non-priest-arrested-on-charges-of-child-molestation-1819587742 |
1 | obama finally tells rambling tom vilsack to shut the fuck up during cabinet meeting | https://politics.theonion.com/obama-finally-tells-rambling-tom-vilsack-to-shut-the-fu-1819572610 |
1 | nation inspired by bravery of teen just wearing bikini right into mcdonald's | https://local.theonion.com/nation-inspired-by-bravery-of-teen-just-wearing-bikini-1819580144 |
0 | chilling report details myanmar's horrific campaign against rohingya minority | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/myanmar-rohingya-amnesty-report_us_59e5fdcbe4b0a2324d1dcd20 |
1 | arizona iced tea unveils new 4-foot-tall cans | https://www.theonion.com/arizona-iced-tea-unveils-new-4-foot-tall-cans-1819590557 |
0 | arresting portraits give voices to homeless people in america's poorest big city | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/photos-broad-street-ministry_n_6199418.html |
0 | house reauthorizes controversial surveillance law | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/house-reauthorizes-fisa-surveillance_us_5a5791d8e4b068abc338a1f0 |
1 | tom bosley named secretary of naps | https://politics.theonion.com/tom-bosley-named-secretary-of-naps-1819564242 |
1 | party not big enough to move out of kitchen yet | https://www.theonion.com/party-not-big-enough-to-move-out-of-kitchen-yet-1819577389 |
0 | fall movies every mom will see | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fall-movies-every-mom-will-see_b_5864426.html |
1 | minotaur wondering if there more to life than bashing in heads of those who dare wander into labyrinth | https://www.theonion.com/minotaur-wondering-if-there-more-to-life-than-bashing-i-1827944385 |
1 | shaven, cologned grandpa heads into town to rake in d-day pussy | https://local.theonion.com/shaven-cologned-grandpa-heads-into-town-to-rake-in-d-d-1819575090 |
0 | new rule from obama will punish contractors who cheat or endanger workers | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/obama-fair-pay-executive-order_us_57bcab71e4b00d9c3a1a80da |
1 | san diego zoo acquires chinese man | https://www.theonion.com/san-diego-zoo-acquires-chinese-man-1819563872 |
0 | the only parenting advice i'd dare to give | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-only-parenting-advice-id-dare-to-give_us_59c75602e4b0f2df5e83af0b |
0 | chris christie says trump immigration order rollout was 'terrible' | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/chris-christie-trump-order_us_5890fc6ae4b0522c7d3dbc31 |
1 | congress votes to intervene in local wedding | https://politics.theonion.com/congress-votes-to-intervene-in-local-wedding-1819565592 |
1 | hero soldier receives presidential thumbs-up award | https://www.theonion.com/hero-soldier-receives-presidential-thumbs-up-award-1819587759 |
0 | warren's mortgage reforms divide progressives | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/elizabeth-warren-housing-finance_n_5577687.html |
0 | the director of hbo's new james foley documentary on making a movie about his childhood pal | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jim-the-james-foley-story-brian-oakes_us_56b4ee7be4b01d80b2461e8d |
0 | the truth about being 40 | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-truth-about-being-40_b_5757660.html |
0 | 'sleeping on it' really does help you solve your problems | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sleep-on-it_us_55bb8b44e4b0b23e3ce26069 |
1 | annoyed movers weren't expecting client to have belongings | https://local.theonion.com/annoyed-movers-weren-t-expecting-client-to-have-belongi-1829446438 |
0 | toeing the race line: what i am and what i am not. | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/toeing-the-race-line-what-i-am-and-what-i-am-not_us_5a29a9d1e4b0d7c3f2622109 |
0 | how an essay on 'sexual paranoia' caused a frenzy at northwestern university | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/laura-kipnis-essay-northwestern-title-ix_n_7470046.html |
1 | argentina tightens security in anticipation of numerous criminals arriving for g20 | https://www.theonion.com/argentina-tightens-security-in-anticipation-of-numerous-1830753943 |
1 | senior citizen shaken by diminished bawdy-limerick recall | https://local.theonion.com/senior-citizen-shaken-by-diminished-bawdy-limerick-reca-1819565226 |
1 | man filled with gratitude at sight of other customer in nice restaurant wearing jeans | https://www.theonion.com/man-filled-with-gratitude-at-sight-of-other-customer-in-1819577608 |
0 | my disastrous search for the perfect swimsuit | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/my-disastrous-search-for-the-perfect-swimsuit_b_5389124.html |
0 | 10 big space-saving ideas for small kitchens | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-big-spacesaving-ideas-_b_5600802.html |
1 | 'stranger things 2' creators say keen viewers will notice twinge of disappointment hidden in every scene | https://entertainment.theonion.com/stranger-things-2-creators-say-keen-viewers-will-noti-1820219226 |
1 | huckabee sanders tells colleagues she's taking temporary post as google ceo before transitioning into full-time role as sultan of brunei | https://politics.theonion.com/huckabee-sanders-tells-colleagues-she-s-taking-temporar-1835524222 |
1 | horrified geologists uncover millions of rocks in sprawling mass grave | https://www.theonion.com/horrified-geologists-uncover-millions-of-rocks-in-spraw-1824179331 |
0 | things come apart so easily: asghar farhadi's about elly | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/things-come-apart-so-easi_b_7023922.html |
1 | new iowa poll finds majority of democrats would vote for candidate named 'bobby cheeseburger' | https://politics.theonion.com/new-iowa-poll-finds-majority-of-democrats-would-vote-fo-1833237251 |
1 | bisexual's parents half-understand | https://www.theonion.com/bisexuals-parents-half-understand-1819569392 |
0 | barack obama is fourth president to put americans at risk in iraq: let those threatened by the islamic state fight it | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/barack-obama-is-fourth-pr_b_5783292.html |
1 | area ceo doesn't have time for this shit | https://www.theonion.com/area-ceo-doesnt-have-time-for-this-shit-1819586215 |
0 | 3 leadership mistakes roger goodell made that you shouldn't | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/3-leadership-mistakes-rog_b_5807614.html |
1 | brilliant, innovative ceo just wrote words 'social media' on whiteboard and underlined it | https://www.theonion.com/brilliant-innovative-ceo-just-wrote-words-social-media-1819575321 |
0 | man says he salutes a donald trump cardboard cutout every day | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/gene-huber-trump-cardboard-cutout_us_58a91337e4b045cd34c2689d |
0 | the rich get richer | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-rich-get-richer_b_5780774.html |
0 | boston judge orders apple to help law enforcement examine iphone | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/apple-boston-judge-ordered-fbi-help_us_570818f6e4b0836057a148b8 |
1 | new anti-drug program teaches teens to resist psychiatrist's constant pressure to use drugs | https://www.theonion.com/new-anti-drug-program-teaches-teens-to-resist-psychiatr-1819578268 |
0 | james comey just exposed his own hypocrisy on hillary clinton's emails | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/james-comey-trump-russia_us_587643a8e4b03c8a02d44523 |
0 | joe biden slams donald trump: 'he would have loved stalin' | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/joe-biden-donald-trump_us_57b2044de4b0718404123797 |
1 | there no way tv character could actually afford big 'new york city' coffee mug | https://entertainment.theonion.com/there-no-way-tv-character-could-actually-afford-big-ne-1830228141 |
0 | elizabeth warren: new chat system lets banks avoid regulation with 'a wink and a nod' | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/elizabeth-warren-banks-symphony_us_55c920d1e4b0f1cbf1e61407 |